Boen Wang

And so my question is, in this alternate atheist reality that Andrew was raised in, does he also struggle with self-loathing? Does he not like himself? I don't like myself. Okay, alright, well, fine. But does he dislike himself the same amount as I do, in the same way?

And so my question is, in this alternate atheist reality that Andrew was raised in, does he also struggle with self-loathing? Does he not like himself? I don't like myself. Okay, alright, well, fine. But does he dislike himself the same amount as I do, in the same way?

Does he do the thing where I ask someone endless follow-up questions, and if they ask me something, I do verbal jujitsu and redirect it back to them, because I hate talking about myself, because I hate myself?

Does he do the thing where I ask someone endless follow-up questions, and if they ask me something, I do verbal jujitsu and redirect it back to them, because I hate talking about myself, because I hate myself?

Like if Andrew is meeting one of his colleagues for the first time, he'll be like, What department are you in?

Like if Andrew is meeting one of his colleagues for the first time, he'll be like, What department are you in?

And if someone asks Andrew a question, like what his research is, he'll be like, Oh, I work in biostats, and then I just call it a day.

And if someone asks Andrew a question, like what his research is, he'll be like, Oh, I work in biostats, and then I just call it a day.

Andrew didn't even have to grow up Christian to hate himself, and for his self-hatred to manifest in the exact same way. So where is this coming from? Andrew doesn't believe in sin or God. Why do we hate ourselves, even though we were raised with such different beliefs? Well, Andrew thinks the answer might be right in front of us.

Andrew didn't even have to grow up Christian to hate himself, and for his self-hatred to manifest in the exact same way. So where is this coming from? Andrew doesn't believe in sin or God. Why do we hate ourselves, even though we were raised with such different beliefs? Well, Andrew thinks the answer might be right in front of us.

Our parents are from a very specific cohort of people who grew up during the Cultural Revolution, went to the best colleges in China, went abroad to get STEM PhDs, and got well-paying jobs in academia and pharmaceuticals and biomedicine.

Our parents are from a very specific cohort of people who grew up during the Cultural Revolution, went to the best colleges in China, went abroad to get STEM PhDs, and got well-paying jobs in academia and pharmaceuticals and biomedicine.

So we're more or less on the same page when it comes to self-loathing. But what about the shame I feel about sex and sexuality? What about my inability to talk about the Horny Zendaya tennis movie with Grace? Does Andrew feel that same immense shame? So then how did you feel about sex morally?

So we're more or less on the same page when it comes to self-loathing. But what about the shame I feel about sex and sexuality? What about my inability to talk about the Horny Zendaya tennis movie with Grace? Does Andrew feel that same immense shame? So then how did you feel about sex morally?

Andrew started dating when he was 15. I didn't start until a decade later. When we tried to isolate the effect Christianity had on me, that's the word we kept returning to. Shame. The shame I feel about having a body, about being a wretched sinner in need of redemption. Andrew feels none of that. The shame goes to my very core, in a way that Andrew can't relate to.

Andrew started dating when he was 15. I didn't start until a decade later. When we tried to isolate the effect Christianity had on me, that's the word we kept returning to. Shame. The shame I feel about having a body, about being a wretched sinner in need of redemption. Andrew feels none of that. The shame goes to my very core, in a way that Andrew can't relate to.

I told him about how, even today, when I remember something embarrassing I said or did years ago... I'll still say out loud to myself because it's such a reflex at this point of like, oh, I hate myself. I should kill myself. Like, I verbalize that. You still say that? Yeah, you act surprised. Have you ever done this? Have you ever said no, no?

I told him about how, even today, when I remember something embarrassing I said or did years ago... I'll still say out loud to myself because it's such a reflex at this point of like, oh, I hate myself. I should kill myself. Like, I verbalize that. You still say that? Yeah, you act surprised. Have you ever done this? Have you ever said no, no?

The Christian difference is a belief that my existence is fundamentally wrong. The Christian difference is a need to punish myself for my existence. I don't regret being raised Christian. I wouldn't be who I am today otherwise. And I'm incredibly grateful for everything my parents have done for me.

The Christian difference is a belief that my existence is fundamentally wrong. The Christian difference is a need to punish myself for my existence. I don't regret being raised Christian. I wouldn't be who I am today otherwise. And I'm incredibly grateful for everything my parents have done for me.