Bozoma Saint John

speaker

183 appearances 2 recordings 2 series first heard Jan 2025 last heard Mar 2025

Bozoma Saint John’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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We Can Do Hard Things · Being the Boss of Yourself with RHOBH’s Bozoma Saint John (Best Of) · 12 Mar 2025 podcast

I don't even know what I'm going to say. I didn't even start thinking about it. And then I got afraid. I was like, what if I say the wrong thing? There's so much expectation. Like, I don't know what I'm going to do. I was worried about my outfit. Forgot what I was going to say. And then after I was done saying what I wanted to say, I fell out. exhausted, completely drained.

And so I continuously think about that too when we're, you know, I think about like the corporate settings or these business settings where it's like, it takes so much energy to show up, to say the thing bravely, to go back outside of that space and still continue without laying down and taking a break. You got to do that day after day after day after day.

It is a miracle that we're still able to do this. Look, I had to give myself a pep talk the other day. I looked at myself in the mirror and I was like, girl, you are just a miracle. You are a miracle. Like the fact that you are where you are, from where you came from, Withstanding what you've been through, it is a miracle that you're here smiling with that clear-ass melanin skin of yours.

Looking as good as you do. Having a happy spirit. Raising an incredible daughter. Being an awesome friend. You're a miracle. So go ahead. Keep your head up.

Oh, Lael. I don't even know where to start with that, you know? Because Lael is my rainbow baby. I lost a daughter before Lael, Eve. My first. And I lost her the day she was born, which was just devastating and crushing. That's to put it mildly. And three months after I lost Eve, I was like, I want to have another baby. I want to be pregnant. My doctor was like, are you out of your mind? Yeah.

Sit your ass down and let your body heal. And I was like, no, I'm determined. No, this is what I want. This is what I want. And the thing is that like, maybe looking back now is again, maybe reaction to trauma, right? Feeling like, Ooh, I was, I was supposed to be a mom and then I'm not a mom. So now I got to be a mom. I'm going to do everything in my power to do that.

As soon as I got pregnant, I was terrified. Like sheer, I'm talking about like sheer terror. Trying to think of every way to get out. Like, okay, I made a mistake again. Like I made a mistake. It's my fault. I wasn't supposed to do this. I don't know why I did it. Okay. But I held on and held on and held on. Lael was born two and a half months early. And I prayed every single day of my pregnancy.

And every single moment of my labor, that she would be born. Alive, breathing, kicking, crying, anything. And I promised God, I was like, if she lived, that I would name her for him. Because I said, La El, meaning belonging to God. And she was born on May 29th. 2009. Same day as my sister. Yes. It was birthday.

And, um, the doctor prepped both Peter and I that, uh, because she was premature because they'd given me a bunch of steroids to help her lungs develop. So she could breathe. That's unfortunately what happened to Eve was that she just couldn't breathe. And, um, He says, she's probably not going to make a sound. You won't be able to hold her. We're going to deliver her and then she's going to go.

So just be prepared for that. And Lael came out like lightning. You know, it was like a crack in the air. She's like, wah, scream. And I, I mean, I was in such awe of her in that moment. I was like, ah. I've delivered a warrior, a real, like a real life warrior. And I refuse to let them take her. Cause I was just like, Oh no, no, no. She's, she's fine.

And when I tell you, I did one of those, like in the movies, you know, where you just reach down and grab the kid. That's what I did. I was like, no, she's mine. Ripped her right out of my womb. Put her on my chest. Oh, took in the scent of her, her heartbeat, the thin, translucent skin that she had, and felt every inch of her. She was not bigger than one palm, but I felt it, all of it.

And in the months that followed, you know, she was in the hospital for a while. I prayed every day. She came home right before her due date. I thought, now I'm responsible for this warrior, you know, to show her the way, to make her understand that her life is such a gift, you know, that she was so wanted, so needed, not just for like my own salvation and belief and faith,

but that she is here for such a great purpose. I mean, we all are, but I believe it for her. I know she's destined for something great. I don't know what that is. And I won't try to force it. Whatever the path is, I will follow it because there is no math that says she should be here, but yet she is. And so my hope is that she's just going to walk in her destiny and fulfill it.

I will. I will. And you already know, it's like, you know, the process of... writing is so, so difficult. Um, but this, this was, uh, it's been a long time coming, you know? And, um, I'm, I was ready. The moment I sat down, I was ready. I wasn't ready a moment before that. But as soon as I sat down, it was like, everything just started coming.

And so, um, I'm telling all of it, you know, all of the pain, all of the triumph, all of, All the things.

The School of Greatness · Safe Relationship Choices Often Lead to Unfulfillment · 31 Jan 2025 podcast

Yeah. Well, that's what's so beautiful about this experience in life, right? Is that like, we don't have to be one dimensional, that all things can be true at the same time. You know, it's the reason why it's like, I remember once shortly after Peter had died, I was sitting with a friend and she was telling me a story and I started laughing hysterically.

You know, it was like, yeah, it was like from my belly, you know, the kind of laugh that makes you want to fall over and slap something, you know, that kind of laugh. And then almost stopping short because I was like, oh, I'm supposed to be sad. You know, I'm not supposed to laugh like this. The truth of the matter is that like, isn't that what life is?

You know, even when you're grieving, you can have belly laughs that take you out of that pain for however long that is. Maybe it's a second or maybe it's five minutes or maybe it's a few days. You know, so like if you're in a dark place, can you still be driven? Of course you can. You know, it's not a constant either, though.

You know, we're like being gentle with yourself and knowing that, like, even when you're in the darkness, there will be times when you don't feel like getting up. But then it's not forever. you know, or to feel badly that you're driven, even though you're going through something, you know?

So like, even when, yeah, it was like, when I decided to move from New York and take the next job and people were like, shouldn't you be in a cave somewhere crying your eyes out? You know, like, why are you so ambitious? Sit down. You know? And yeah, I did question myself too. Like, why am I not sitting down somewhere? Like, why am I still out here pushing?

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