Bozoma Saint John

speaker

183 appearances 2 recordings 2 series first heard Jan 2025 last heard Mar 2025

Bozoma Saint John’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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The School of Greatness · Safe Relationship Choices Often Lead to Unfulfillment · 31 Jan 2025 podcast

You know, like there were, there've been many, many moments like that. And I don't think that there has to be only one definition for how we are, you know? So like, yes, if you're in a place where you feel like the textbook expectation should be that you should take one step at a time, take it one day at a time. I hate that phrase, by the way.

Oh, we should take it all. Do everything. All at once. Make it messy. Make it unpredictable. Defy logic. Like, why does it have to be so ordered? One day at a time for what? One step at a time for what? Sometimes I'm gonna run. Sometimes I'm gonna skip. Sometimes I'm gonna go backwards. Sometimes I'm gonna lay down. Sometimes I'm gonna sit up and look at the world.

And sometimes, yes, I will take one step. But why does it have to be so ordered all the time? And so the freedom in that, I think allows us then to be multiple things at one time. So that yes, you can be driven and in a dark place. You can be hurting and still laugh. You can be healing and still trying to figure out how to avoid the next hurt.

Like all of those things can be true at the same time and it doesn't have to mean that you're wrong or that you're doing it wrong. It's like there's no definition for how you're supposed to live your life. And I think that's also the other beautiful thing. The fact that no one has ever been where I am before, not a person on the planet.

And so it's like, why would I subscribe to the steps somebody else thinks should be ordered for me? There's no plan like that.

Yeah. So there's so much freedom in that.

it's like you don't have to listen to anybody.

You know, and so it's like, yes, you can be hurt and trying to heal, maybe taking the steps to healing, you know, whether that's therapy or you're working on something that you feel like or taking a risk that you would have been fearful of before, but still, like, being driven about this thing or, like, being, you know, like, okay, I'm going to accomplish this even though I'm not 100%.

Like, that's the thing that always, like, I'm thinking about is that, like, Again, you don't have to have a full tank of gas to get to the other side of town. You know what I mean? Maybe you had a quarter tank and you know that it's going to take you like, you know, just up to that, like right at that quarter to get there. You know, it's like go anyway. Why does the tank have to be full?

You know what I mean? So for me, I'm constantly thinking about that, that like I'm still in the process of healing. You know, that whole statement about like, time heals all wounds. That's some bull . Okay, it does not.

Yes. You just made me think of something because this idea of waiting to heal before you do the thing, that's the opposite of living the urgent life. Because if you're constantly waiting until you are or you're constantly waiting until that next thing happens or you get to the right spot, then you won't be fulfilled in your life.

If I waited to be totally healed from the trauma of my husband dying, I would not have moved across the country. If I was waiting to be healed from the death of my first child, I would not be a mother today. All these things that we're waiting to accomplish or waiting to be fixed, before you can do the next thing. It's just, it's like a waste of time.

And there's no shame.

There's no shame in that. By the way, that's another like whole unlock. that I had for myself and in my career, believe it or not, was that I opened this vulnerability that I had closed off before. You know, this idea of the perfection, that things had to be great and complete in order to move to the next thing. And very quickly,

I mean, I was kind of thrown into it when I accepted the job with Jimmy. I had no idea what music streaming was. I'd never done that before. I was not an expert in it. But it didn't mean that I couldn't go do it. And guess what? I figured it out. You know what I mean?

Or like moving any, anything in my life, which has felt like, gosh, I need to like really have conquered this thing in order to move to the next one has been a lie. And it is actually how I counsel a lot of women, especially who are like early in their career or mid-career even, you know, that who are waiting. to rack all the things before they take the next risk.

I'm just like, you know that that actually doesn't work. You can't wait until you've checked off every box before you jump to the next thing that you gotta do. You gotta leave some room for growth. Your cup is, if it's all the way full, how are you gonna put more stuff in it? You know what I'm saying? You gotta have a little bit open at the top in order to pour more experiences in there.

So it's like, if you're ever just full to the brim, if you've checked off everything, then there's no more growth for you. So as I even look at myself, that is where I am now, where it's just like, there is no more growth if you're all the way full, if you're checked off everything before you take the next risk. Where are you gonna put the stuff that you're getting?

So yeah, it's like, leave the tank quarter full.

Or get more cups. You know what I mean? It's like, maybe my corporate cup is full. I have a brand new cup.

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