Bree Thomasel

There's a lot more of this.

Tom Sainsbury is so old that he signed the Treaty of Whitetonguing as a parent and or guardian.

Tom Sainsbury is so old his pronouns are hunter-gatherer.

Tom Sainsbury is so old that he ejaculates dust.

LAUGHTER Which is crazy, because I don't know if you know, Tom actually donated his sperm to a lesbian couple so they could have a baby.

Yes.

Which was actually the catalyst for the government to change the law to stop gay comedians donating sperm.

So glad you got in before that came.

James Musterpick is here.

LAUGHTER

Or as some of you might know him as Waylon Smithers and Mr Burns' love child.

Excellent stuff tonight.

Or should I say excellent stuff?

James has the confidence of a straight white man and the posture of an old one.

James, you might be the only person I know who leaves the room before your posture does.

You put the damn in Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Liv McKenzie's here.

Or as she's known down at the clinic, a regular.

Fun fact, Liv was the only person tonight who had to pass a background check to be a part of tonight's roast.

Which she did pass, however, you did test positive for being a massive slut.