Brian Redban

He had to help pick me up off the fucking ground because these two EMS people there had no idea how to pick up a 6'2", 200-pound guy off the ground with one fucking leg and one arm.

And so they finally get me on the thing after they figured out how to raise it up.

And then I get into the ambulance and then they call me and they're at the hospital wondering where I'm at.

And I'm like, where are y'all at?

They're like, we're here.

Are you here yet?

I'm like, how long has it been?

They're like, 45 minutes.

Like, holy fuck.

Because, I mean, they started juicing me right away.

I mean, it was obvious, like, I was fucked up at the moment.

Right.

And then I get to the hospital.

Besides putting me in the hall, I never got to leave because I had emergency surgery because I almost lost my leg.

But I mean, I make a lot of like sarcastic jokes about it, but they're very close to about what was real.

Like I almost didn't get an IV bag.

It was like a Capri Sun basically, you know?

And I don't know about you guys, but I got a scrubs fetish, so when I see these Latinas walking around fucking caked up, I'm like, oh.

His name was Juan on his thing, but he crossed it off and he wrote Papi Chulo.

Wow.