Brie

speaker

37 appearances 1 recordings 1 series first heard Apr 2025 last heard Apr 2025

Brie’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard · Armchair Anonymous: Haven’t Confessed to Parents · 11 Apr 2025 podcast

I think it was definitely a squirrel.

I remember sitting up and for a split second, I was like, well, maybe did somebody break in after me? But that just definitely wasn't the case. My dad is telling us that when he was leaving for work, he went to water the plants. I didn't realize that he did this every morning. And guess what was propped right up against the watering hose was the stupid window screen. Oh.

My dad concluded it was a break-in. He was running late to work. So he's like, just check all the windows, check all the doors, make sure nothing has been stolen. And so we had to check. And he's trying to work through it. He's like, but you have to take the window screen off inside. And the way our windows are, they kind of lock. And I'm just so panicked in this moment.

We're now going to get creative. I'm not getting caught this far in. Yeah. And I was like, oh my God, the burglars broke in yesterday. We're hanging out in our house the entire day. And then at night they snuck out of the laundry room.

I was like, this story makes zero sense.

Yeah. But somehow that story stuck.

I love this. My dad bought that story. He was like, you know what? I guess that probably is what happened.

That night, my family, we were talking about it at dinner. I'm still going hard on this story, trying to get into the mind of these burglars. Wow, what a crazy thing that they did. They must have just been hiding in one of our closets. Oh, you're making it so scary. And my parents are like, I think we need to call the cops. This is bad. And I'm like, they didn't take anything, though.

Maybe, like, let's not get the cops involved. They're just baffled nothing was stolen. This summer, I was getting in trouble a lot. My parents were always trying to sniff out a lie or like a cover up. And so I just figured they knew it was really me. They didn't want to have this conversation in front of my sister.

That depends on how fun your parents are. They're definitely a fun time, but during this period, I was being grounded a lot. They were really enjoying that and taking away all my things.

I think they believed it. A week later, my dad's friends are over, and one of them is a dean of a high school. He's always sniffing out suspicious shit that kids are up to. And my dad tells the story, so I'm like, okay, he actually does buy this crock of shit.

his friends this happened. And I'm just standing there like, oh my God, I have to continue to sell this stupid story. And his friend is like, wow, what a weird thing to happen and just keeps moving on. And I was like, okay. And my dad would keep bringing it up every now and then. And I just haven't said anything. So I'm like, he wanted to think the best of me. Might as well keep that going.

I guess that's the theory. Yeah, we used to leave like our garage open and someone could have. I got away with it. It's been almost 15 years. Oh, this is great.

Once I moved out of Bakersfield, left all that mischief behind.

Exactly. That's what good old suburbs are for.

Lovely meeting you too.

Yeah, absolutely. Definitely. Well, have a great day. And Monica, your race to 35 changed my outlook on life. So I just want to say thank you for that. And thank you for all the work you guys do.

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