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Bryan Green

Appearances

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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And he's like, get away, Lucy. No chicken for you, Lucy. Scaring the kids. Scaring me. I'm rethinking my life. I'm like, what are we doing here?

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Let's get the fuck out. I didn't realize we'd be here. I thought we'd have to go out there and then they'd like some kind of safety rail that keeps us in. Bob the ranger wouldn't have a stick to keep the gators away. We'd just be away from them. We'd see them, but we wouldn't be near them.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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You know, it's like those African safaris that always look safe until you see the video of the elephant overturning the car and eating the people or whatever. It doesn't work like that. The wild animals. And I'm like, holy shit. So he opens it and then, you know, Betty Lou's there and Jimmy John and I don't know, a bunch of people with two names. And they're all, and I mean, they are country.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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They live in the fucking swamp. They're like something out of Waterboy, that movie.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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But that's Louisiana swamp. This is Florida swamp. But you get the point. Same thing. And they're like, oh, yeah, that's Lucy.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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Lucy's a troublemaker of the group. She's probably the biggest. She's been around here, I guess. When did we raise her? And I'm like, raise her? Oh, yeah, we got a crocodile farm, alligator farm. We done raised them from the babies.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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And then we make them into meat and clothing and stuff like that. We sell them all. And we're like, oh. And then Bob's like, yeah, see, that's Lucy. And Lucy caused trouble all kind of time. You see, one time I done left the place unlocked.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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And then we came in one morning, and Lucy's stuck, and I opened the door, and there's Lucy. I had two hours. We tried to get Lucy out of there. Finally, I had to go get a chicken, a live chicken down the road, crack its neck, and get Lucy out with the chicken. So now we got a different door knob because Lucy knew how to open the other one. I'm like, oh, my God.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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Ask Astrid. This is all true.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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And we're all like, oh my God. Whoa. And then, you know, Billy Bob Thornton or whatever his name is, this guy's son is going to take us on this boat ride. And, you know, so we all put life jackets on or whatever it is and in this shack in the back. And I'm just all I can do is turn around and turn around because I'm just thinking they are on a first name basis with the alligator.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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To a gator with bad, to a dinosaur with bad eyesight and huge teeth. So we get on that damn airboat. I'm really nervous about my kid on this airboat because there are no gargoyles. And they want to sit right up front. And, you know, that guy's slinging that airboat around at 100 miles per hour.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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Through the mangroves. And those mangroves are inches from your head.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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But he's driving it blind. He knows exactly where he's going, in and out and in and out and in and out of these mangroves. It looks like you're in a tunnel. That's what it looks like in those mangroves. It looks like you're in a tunnel until you get to a little clearing. And then we get to the clearing and he's like, shh, shh, shh, shh.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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Shh, shh, shh, shh.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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Wendy? And I'm like, what the fuck?

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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Is he asking for a cheeseburger? Who's he calling? What's going on here? And I'm like, oh. What's going on here? We're going to get eaten by a crocodile. Keep moving. Keep moving. He's got the boat off now. And I'm like, go, go, go, go. If we're moving, they can't get us.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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But if we're there, it's going to crawl up. And we're on the bottom row. It's like four rows tall. Oh, really? And then he's sitting on the very top. Yeah, it's one, two, three, four. And he's sitting on the very top with a stick driving this thing like a fucking Nintendo from outer space. I don't know. At 100 miles per hour.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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We sell them all. And we're like, oh, and then Bob's like, yeah, see, that's Lucy. And Lucy caused trouble all kind of time.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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And now he's getting on the front of the boat and he's like, now about 10 years ago, Florida Department of Natural Resources decided to try and clamp down on our family business. Told us we could not feed the gators no more. But if you allow me a point of privilege. And I'm like, wow, that was pretty fancy for you, I think. Or maybe you're educated. I just don't know.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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If you allow me a moment of privilege, I done got some marshmallows in my pocket. And oops, I accidentally threw one out there. And he reaches in his pocket and a marshmallow goes flying out. And all of a sudden, whoosh.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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right there wendy wendy that's wendy way wendy what you doing girl and she's like and here he's got that stick he's just like what bapping her i'm like oh my god what in the good fantasy fuck is going on here and uh and and so the ride continued that's the way it went we've drive for five minutes in this crazy way where my son was flinging all... There's no seatbelts either.

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It's like we're all sliding across these things. I'm trying to keep... My kid is a lovely human, but since the day that he was born, he's not the kind of kid who likes to sit still. He wants to jump all around. He has no interest in the alligators. He has interest in... And the boat and what's happening.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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And the boat and what's happening and, you know, telephone, like who's got a cell phone you can watch. I mean, for God's sakes. And this went on for like an hour. And when we got back, it was like more stories about the gators they raised. They have a whole, it's like they have a little family of gators. Oh, yeah.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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And then we got to actually go and look at the gator farm where they raise them, you know, they hatch them, they raise them. And we got to touch a couple of gators and like baby gators. Yeah, we got to hold a couple of baby gators that had their like mouths taped shut. I mean, because even the baby gators would bite your finger off.

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Yeah, they have like, even as babies, they got really, really strong jaws and they'll snap, you know, they can really get at you.

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They do. Yeah. And one guy I think was holding a little bit, you know, you could feel his teeth. It was like, quite frankly, it was cruel. But at that moment, you're just fascinated by everything. And then there's another guy who gets in the pit with all the alligators and throws raw meat at him. You know, like, I've been training gators my entire life. He's only got one arm.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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And then we came in one morning, and Lucy stuck it. I opened the door, and there's Lucy. I had two hours. We tried to get Lucy out of there. Finally, I had to go get a chicken, a live chicken down the road, crack its neck, and get Lucy out with the chicken. So now we got a different door, doorknob, because Lucy knew how to open the other one.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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This is Susie Lou. Susie Lou has my arm. We're waiting for her to shit it out so I can reattach it. And you're like, oh, okay, great. Tips are welcome. I'm sure they are. I'm sure they are.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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Here's a tip. Get Wendy out of your front yard. There's a tip. It's not a friendly welcoming. That gator, I've never seen anything like that in my entire life. I have on the golf course.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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Yeah, I've got on one of my little brother's bachelor parties, we went golfing.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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Then we went golfing. That's right. And when we went golfing, we were down in Amelia Island, and we were like on one of the courses, like one of the public courses, where it says clearly, be careful, gators, snakes, all kind of animals, you know, killer bees, everything that can kill you is down here.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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And no shit, we got to whatever it was, the fourth or the fifth green, or the fourth or the fifth tee, and there was a gator probably about 20 feet off the tee box. It was not a 15-foot gator, but it was a seven or eight-foot gator. Yeah. and he was sunning himself, or she was sunning herself, or whatever it was. And we all just decided to go ahead and tee off and get over real quick.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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And she didn't move, not an inch, but all of us have pictures. Somebody else took a picture of us with the gator right behind, not right behind us, but 20 feet is not far away when you're staring down the eyes of a killer dinosaur. It was a lot. Speaking of killer dinosaurs... In the one day since we talked about Billy McFarlane and Fyre Fest.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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Speaking of killer dinosaurs. Back to Billy. Back to Billy and Chris Hansen and all the other scam artists who are pumping money into this pump and dump scheme. He licensed his IP out to become a streaming music service. Well, it gets curiouser and curiouser as just an hour after we recorded that episode last Friday,

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Billy put out a big announcement, and I'd like to read it to you and tell you what's going on now.

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I'm dating with Billy. He's good at generating press. I'll give him that. He is. Good at generating interest with Brian, at least. That's for sure. All right, let's take a break, and we'll get back. The commercial break, which is now the fire break, because we talk about this so much.

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It is fascinating, and it gets more fascinating by the minute. We'll talk about it when we get back.

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Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large.

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And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules.

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They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything. You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Serea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. All right, I won't go through all the twists and turns about Fyre Fest 2.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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If you've been listening to the commercial break, then you've been paying attention to what's been going on with Fyre Fest 2. It's not happening. It's been indefinitely postponed. A couple of days after Fyre Fest inevitably fell apart, which was last... Well, on last Friday's episode. It was actually last week. On last Friday's episode, we learned that Billy... had sold or licensed the IP.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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What IP this guy owns, I don't know. I guess the Fyre Fest logo and name. I don't know what that could possibly be worth. I mean, it's got a lot of PR.

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Yeah, it's a defunct name. It's like, I don't know, buying Enron. I mean, what could it possibly be worth, right?

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Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Holey. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. Jake Paul is going to be our neighbor, I'm just reading, here in Georgia. Yeah, yeah. I mean, not technically our neighbor.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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But somebody, a guy named Roush, somebody Roush, Craig Roush, somebody like that, and Chris Hansen, formerly of Dateline NBC's To Catch a Predator, who's now doing some cheap knockoff version of that online, they have an app, a true crime app, where they run terrible old true crime shows and Chris Hansen's new bullshit To Catch a Predator bullshit. Anyway, whatever, you get it.

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For $3.99 a month, you can be bored. So they licensed his IP so that they could add music and streaming on-demand music services to that app. Why? So they could pump and dump that too. Probably. Likely. So that they could inflate the numbers, get someone else to buy them, and then it all falls apart after somebody dumps an inevitable stupid amount of money into it.

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I can take a few guesses as to who that might be. There's lots of dum-dums right now with a lot of money. So... But anyway... Not but an hour after we got done talking about this, Chrissy, another development in this story takes a left-hand turn at Albuquerque.

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It doesn't stop. Albuquerque. It's just an expression.

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One that I made up. Byline, Fyre Fest, Billy McFarland for immediate press release. As opposed to wait a couple hours to talk about it. I mean, I guess they have those kind too. When my team and I launched Fyre Festival 2, it was about two things. Finishing what I started and making things right. Both of which you accomplished. Yeah, making money. That's right. Number three, making money.

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Number four, getting me laid. Over the past two years, we've poured everything, bringing fire back with honesty, transparency, relentless effort, and creativity. It sure is creative to rent out a shitty beach club in Mexico so you can call it a festival. Deadmau5 played 100 people. We've taken the long road to rebuilding trust. We rebuilt momentum, and we proved one thing without a doubt.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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Fire is the most powerful attention engine in the world. Fuck you. Since 2017, Fyre has dominated headlines, documentaries, and conversations as one of the world's most talked-about music festivals for all the wrong reasons. You are so blind, Billy. But I know that this is just the game you're playing. You're trolling everybody, and I get it. I understand. I'm in on the joke here.

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We knew that Fyre was big, but we didn't realize just how massive the wave would become. You didn't?

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That was Fyre Fest. That Fyre Fest 2, the inevitable failure wouldn't be paid attention to by everybody to watch you fall directly on your ass. That's exactly why we're all watching. Don't get it twisted, Billy. None of us are hoping that you have a comeback here. Not the way you did it anyway. You could have done it a different way. Maybe some people would have rooted for you.

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He's going to be way down south Georgia. I was going south. Lake Seminole. You know where Lake Seminole is?

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That wave has brought us here to a point where we know it's time to call for assistance. Maybe you should have done that before you announced the festival. Cock knocker. The brand is bigger than any one person and bigger than what I'm able to lead on my own. You don't say.

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We've decided the best way to accomplish our goals is to sell the Fyre Festival brand, including its trademarks, IP, digital assets, media reach, and cultural capital.

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Lake Seminole. Like Seminole fluids. Lake Seminole. He just bought 5,600 acres for $42 million overlooking Lake Seminole, which is in the far southwest corner of Georgia. Now, I happen to know Lake Seminole because I visited there for a couple of real estate-related deals that, of course, I did not follow through on.

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What digital assets? Cultural capital.

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I have never heard so much bullshit, ever. To operate to an operator that can fully realize its vision. What's who its vision like fire has its own thinking. It's its own human. It's its own entity living and breathing. Dipshit. There is a clear path for operators and entrepreneurs with strong domain expertise to build FIRE into a global force in entertainment, media, fashion, CPG, and more. CPG.

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FIRE Festival the cookie? For example, in the two years since we relaunched Fyre Festival, Hollywood and entertainment executives have already licensed the brand.

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That's right, dude. They desperately wanted to be in on the action. And the documentary is coming. I know it is. There's a reason why Billy hasn't been posting on... Instagram, like he probably would have otherwise. It's because he has already licensed this content, this moment in time, to probably at least one, if not two, different film companies who are making a movie about this.

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And trust me, it will be here soon enough, because the ending is already here. It's already ended. Some people thought we'd at least get through May, but no, you're an idiot, so it didn't. Hollywood and entertainment executives have already licensed the brand to develop properties specifically in theater, music streaming, and free ad-supported TV. Free ad-supported TV. Think about that one.

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Do the math on that one, guys. Okay, here's how it works. All of these companies who have these free TV apps, Pluto. Free V. Free V. We can think of a million more. Let's just take Pluto, for example, which I like. I like Pluto, by the way. Because Pluto has, you know, the hills running 24 hours a day. They take old brands, they license them, and they stick ads in them to make their money back.

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But there's another way that they do this. And I told you this was going to happen, and it's happening. It's just a cable network. That's all it is. But they have a different way of making money. Cable networks charge money to the television channels like ABC. They charge them a carrier fee. And then they take a cut of the revenue that they make on ads. That's how it works.

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And they charge you for the service. They make money two ways, right? Now... Pluto makes money by making you watch the advertisements. So it's free to you. You can download it. It's free. You can on-demand content, all this. They put in advertisements. That's how they make money. But there's another type of channel.

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There's the type of content that they license or they produce themselves, even though Pluto doesn't do a lot of original programming. It does some. But you can find some of the most terrible movies, home movies basically, movies made at people's houses basically, on demand on Pluto. Well, why? Why would you be able to just like take your home movie and put it up there?

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Because if you can sell advertising and Pluto can get a cut of it, they're happy to put your content on their platform, even if only two people watch it. If they're getting a cut of the revenue from that, they're okay doing that. And that's why, in some cases...

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People who do like video game streaming, they have their own channels on Pluto now where they're streaming live because they're selling advertisements into that live channel. And Pluto or whoever is doing this, I don't think, I don't know if Pluto is doing this yet, but I think Freeview or some of them are doing it. It's called OTT or FAST, ad-supported television.

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But the thing is, is that the person creating the content, like let's say the commercial break, has to sell the advertisement in order to get carriage on Pluto. So Billy makes it sound like he's on like some big TV network has come to him and put him on, you know, A&E or Bravo or some shit.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

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I actually, it went south. It never even went anywhere. And so now Jake has bought all this land that probably was the land I was looking at. Yes. So again, I have failed to make any money off anything. 5,600 acres. That's one big spread.

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No, he's got some shitty channel on fucking Pluto on Chris Hansen's application where he's selling boner pill ads. That's what's going on. In addition, following the challenges we faced in Mexico, we were approached by several quote unquote challenges, meaning you lied. Yeah. You didn't tell anyone you were coming? Several Caribbean destinations are eager to host Fyre Fest, too.

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Oh, I bet they are. There's 172 different nations in the Caribbean. I'm sure one of them is willing to host you. We dove into the process, meeting with national officials and conducting site visits. You didn't, but somebody else did. And we're confident we found the ideal location for the festival. Why didn't you do that like two years ago? Yeah.

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While I'm incredibly excited, I can't risk a repeat of what happened in Playa del Carmen.

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That's right. You're going for the three feet. Who are you, Michael Jordan of bad festival planning? Yes. I can't risk a repeat of what happened where support quickly turned into public distancing once media attention intensified. You didn't do the right thing, Billy. They didn't distance themselves for any other reason except for you didn't follow the proper protocols to get this done.

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it's clear that I need to step back and allow a new team to move forward independently.

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Bringing the vision to life on this incredible island. Which incredible island? You're not going to tell us that because you never do. I've stood by my team, our partners, and my fans since day one of Fyre Festival 2.

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Giving control of the brand to a new group is the most responsible way to follow through on what we set out to do. Build a global entertainment brand. Host a safe and legendary event and continue to pay restitution to those that are owed from the first festival. Well, okay, give you credit for at least mentioning that.

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Yeah, by some estimates, $47 million. No one's buying Fyre Fest for $47 million. That's not happening. To the supporters, believers, and builders who stuck with my team, thank you. We'll pick the new group based on their ability to execute. We'll pick. You mean they'll pick?

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Yeah. Now we're picking a whole other group. Thanks for standing by me, but the next group is ready to come in and pay me more money. So fuck you. We'll pick the new group. He's acting as if a bunch of people are going to jump in on this. Are lining up. Yeah. You know who's going to jump in on this? Grant Cardone. Yes. I guarantee. I guarantee. That's what's going to happen.

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One of these wonky real estate seminar weekend warrior dudes is going to come in and try and do this. We'll pick the new group based on their ability to execute the vision of fire in a transparent, grand, and expeditious manner. The next chapter of fire will be bigger, better, and built to last without me at the helm. No. Well, that's the best sentence in this entire Fire Festival.

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But that's where you find that kind of land, way down in southwest Georgia.

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So then he goes on to add a bunch of things about what you'll get. Fire Festival has been the most talked about U.S.-based music festival in the world since 2017.

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For all the bad reasons.

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Yes. An ideal Caribbean location. You act as if you bought the land and it's ready for these people to just set up and go. The Caribbean location will be there. They don't have to use the Fyre Fest name. No one wants to be associated with Fyre Fest 3. I guarantee. Deal disclosure.

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Yeah, right there, right there next to Florida. You're probably 35, 45-minute drive away. I mean, as the crow flies, and the crow doesn't fly here anywhere in south Georgia because there's no roads going anywhere. But as the crow flies, 30, 45 minutes right to the armpit of the Gulf of Mexico.

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The Fyre brand is currently licensed to third parties specifically for developing TV projects, theater, music streaming, and free ad-supported television. Theater.

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But that guy who almost got a blowjob for water, they got to put him in the musical. Oh, that's right. Oh, I love him. I wish he would. He should buy it. If he was the one running this, I might have even thought about buying tickets. 422,000 unique visitors to Firefest. Fire.mx in the last 60 days.

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You dumb shit. Oh, and here, make us an offer. What's your name? What company do you rest in? Make us an offer. What's your offer?

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Should we? Should we?

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I'm going to put, let me put.

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Here, let's do this. Okay. What's your name? Wendy, the alligator. What company do you represent? Need to know, only on a need to know basis. Need to know basis. And then I'm going to put in quotations. It's a secret for now. It's a secret. What's your offer? $1 trillion billion. And then I'm going to put, it says, what do you want to use the complete brand or license for a specific use case?

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Cookies. Say, I don't understand the question. I don't understand. And then put also, I will only pay if I can borrow the money. What is your email address? Wouldn't you like to know? Wouldn't you like to know? Let me see here. I'm doing this for real, by the way. Wouldn't you like to know? What's your phone number?

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One extra five in there. Oh, I'll put a six in there just for good. Okay. Submit. Done. All right. Let's see what happens. If they get back to us, guys, I will let you know, and we will be on top of this every step of the way.

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Because if there's one thing that we want here at the commercial break, it's Billy to get Fyre Fest sold immediately so he can realize the vision of a global entertainment brand with CPG, Consumer Packaged Goods.

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They have a show on Max where they've tried to normalize their behaviors. Yes, they have. Listen, there's part of me that really dislikes the Paul brothers, kind of what they stand for in the world. But there was part of me that disliked Jerry Springer, too. And there was part of me that disliked Judge Judy and part of me that disliked Dr. Phil and part of me...

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Yeah, I mean, you do got to give the guy credit. He's got some gumption. He at least keeps going. You know what I'm saying?

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Yeah, that's what it's called.

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That's right. It's, yeah. Hey, listen. I don't. argue anybody's ability to get a second chance in life. I think that that's the greatest thing about life is that you get a lot of... 100%, yes. If you're lucky, you get a lot of second chances. You know, we all fuck up a lot. I fucked up a lot in my life. A lot, a lot. I've made some mistakes. I've done people wrong, song, the whole nine yards.

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And I'm not always proud of what I've done and I regret... I don't regret anything because I always tend to learn a lesson from it. It may take me seven times, but I'll learn a lesson eventually. So I wouldn't call it regret, but I definitely... Sometimes I'm embarrassed about my past actions. And luckily, people have given me a second chance.

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But the thing is that despite all indications that this is clearly, you're clearly out of your league, you're not doing the right thing, you have no intention of following through with honesty and transparency, as has been said, it just makes you seem like a really big dum-dum who just doesn't get it. Like, you're not getting it, Billy. But I do agree with two things.

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Number one, you should, if you're going to, if the Fyre Fest brand is going to live on in any way, you should be no part of it. Number one. And number two is you should try your best to make some restitution to the people who did find themselves in a shitty and compromising situation. Yeah. So, okay. So anyway, bad festival. Good festival. Mempho. Bad festival. Bad festival. Good festival.

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2818.913

Mempho. I did want to have a chance to talk about this. We do talk about this every year. It comes around. Mempho has announced their lineup for 2025. And I know I'm throwing this on you. October. It's the first of October.

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2835.089

The first of October? Mm-hmm. Like the first weekend or the first?

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2843.113

I think I had it open right here.

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2849.397

Okay. Memphofest. Here we go. It is October 3rd, 4th, and 5th.

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2859.042

Okay. So, big announcement. Drum roll, please. Mm-hmm. The third, headlining the third, Friday, October 3rd, will be Widespread Panic. Yes, it will. With Father John Misty, Leftover Salmon, Galactic, Kevin Kinney, and Bloodkin all doing a stretch before Widespread Panic does their big closeout for the night. And then on Saturday, October 4th, drumroll please...

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Widespread Panic plays two nights in a row with The Flaming Lips, Lucas Nelson, Mavis Staples, The Far Side, Puddles Pity Party, which is crazy. If you've never seen Puddles Pity Party, that might be worth the price of admission alone. It's a clown that sings and dances and does a lot of different stuff. Comedian, satirist. Puddles is crazy.

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2911.965

And if you've never seen it, again, it might be worth the price of admission alone. And High Fade, all opening. These are just the people who are announced. I'm sure there'll be more to come down the road, I imagine. And then on Sunday the 5th, Tyler Childress with Ciara Farrell, Charlie Crockett, Lucero, John Miller, Annie and the Caldwells, Amy LeVere, and Gio Welch. Trio! So there you go.

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2939.2

Widespread panic two nights. Tyler Childers on night number three. Widespread panic for two nights. That's sure to get the crowd going.

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294.205

But then once you kind of pull back the obnoxiousness a little bit, you find out that they're just human. And in some ways they have done like, I don't, I'm not saying they've done a bunch of good for the earth. That's not what I'm saying. Like that. I don't think they're Jesus Christ superstar or anything like that. But they are human beings who have made their own way in the world.

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2948.546

For sure. If you're a spread head. This is it.

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2952.309

Yeah. Spread doesn't – they don't do tours too much anymore, do they? They do more like festivals. Yeah, targeted dates.

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2967.859

Okay. And a cruise. I don't do a cruise. Oh, not a cruise. I'm sorry. Whatever they call it. Dominican Republic. Yes. Don't they do that whole beach thing somewhere down in Mexico? Yeah. Dominican Republic or something like that. Yeah. And, of course, then they do the big New Year's. Do they do New Year's Eve?

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2985.584

They used to do it here at the Fox.

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2987.404

Yeah. And then they did it at – Still do. Oh, they do it at the Fox? Mm-hmm.

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2993.826

All right, so Widespread Panic, I know so many people that are into Widespread Panic.

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2999.791

Not my favorite band in the world, but I have no hate for them. I have no hate. It's just not my favorite band in the world, but I have seen them more times than a lot of the bands that I really, really like. That's just, if you live in Georgia and you grew up in the 90s, 2000s, you've seen Widespread Panic.

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And they are a legendary jam band who has been around for a very long time. Huge, very loyal crew of human beings that either follow them around or go see them when they can. Yeah, good people. And if you're up for two nights of fantastic jam banding, and then Tyler Childers, who I don't think I've heard much of him before. What kind of music does he sing?

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See Ya Later Alligator!

3043.696

So there you go. Well, that ties in nicely then because, you know, Widespread gets a little twangy on occasion too. They're jam bandy, but they can get a little twangy on occasion.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

3053.865

So Widespread Panic, the third and the fourth, Tyler Childers on the fifth, menfofest.com. to get your tickets now available. If you're going to be there, shout out. Chrissy will say hello to you. Maybe Brian will even show up. I'm sure some of my brothers are going to be there. I'm sure at least one of my brothers is going to be there. He's a spread head. He's a spread head of epic proportions.

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3075.799

He loves widespread panic.

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3089.888

Yes.

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3094.351

Yes. I went and saw widespread panic back in – Well, I just had first met Astrid, so this had been 2015. In 2015, I went and saw Widespread Panic here in Atlanta. My brother, my twin brother, has had a friend forever and ever. Amen. Her name is Nicole. Nicole and Chrissy, I don't know that they know each other, but I certainly never met through this circle of people.

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3125.621

Finger dip, finger dip, finger dip, finger dip.

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3128.222

Someone's running around with a tin of pure molly saying, finger dip, finger dip, finger dip. Everyone is so fucked up. I mean, and just getting twisted, as you might be inclined to do before a widespread panic show. not keeping my head on my shoulders. I had a few Bud Lights and whatnot. But I'm in her kitchen, and she's got a wall of photographs, 92% of which are not her family or her children.

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314.212

And they found a talent that people attach themselves to and really struck a chord at the right time. They were at the right place at the right time.

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3155.332

It is her at widespread panic concerts, her and her husband at widespread panic concerts. And I'm staring at all these photographs and looking at them and thinking, oh, that's fun. And then look at that. And that's interesting. And who are those people? And in one of those photographs...

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My eyes are scanning and it's like a crowd of people behind Nicole, like taking a picture together as one group. You can see. And I look and then I do a double take and then a triple take.

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And then I stare really closely and I go, that's Chrissy Holdley. It's Chrissy fucking Hoagley.

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3187.728

And Chrissy was on this wall and I couldn't believe it. So I had to grab Nicole and I said, do you know that girl?

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3194.393

Oh, yeah. I can't remember her name, but I see her a bunch of the concerts and we know each other. She's part of the group. I'm like, that's my best friend. That's Chrissy. No way.

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3204.959

Everybody knows everybody. A widespread panic.

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3208.62

You don't need to know anything about widespread panic to be welcome into the widespread family. That's right. If you can do a giggle or a wiggle, and if you can do a little jiggle, if you can do the white man's shuffle, then you can show up at a widespread panic concert and have fun too. So Mempho. It's a good time.

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See Ya Later Alligator!

3223.545

Pulling big names out of the hat to bring widespread panic for not one, but two nights. Is this harkened back to one of the old memphos?

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323.854

Yeah. I said this the other day on the show when I was on some kind of rant that, you know, fortune favors the bold. It doesn't. Luck favors the bold. But they were bold at the right time in the right place. And they rode that YouTube wave all the way to billionaires, essentially. Yeah. No. No.

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3237.351

Okay.

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3239.852

And they played two nights then too, didn't they?

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3242.814

I think they did. I want to feel, I feel like they did. Because I was there. Is that the one? Oh, no, they didn't play two nights. They played one night.

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3254.439

But they played two sets. They played two sets.

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3261.963

I don't remember any of it. But yeah, that's good. I'm proud of Jeff. He's pulled another rabbit out of his hat there. And I'm sure they're expecting good crowds. Yeah.

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3277.231

I'm sure, right? Once you say widespread panic, I'm sure the phone starts ringing off the hook. And does Jeff take those orders himself?

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3287.324

That's really nice because blind people need to see music, too.

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3306.843

Well, that's good. Yeah, and there's a lot of festivals that have been around for a while that do do it that way. Not like Billy McFarland selling blind tickets two days before the festival is supposed to happen and still no names have been announced.

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3322.146

Does Jeff take those ticket orders himself? No. He answers the phone? No? Okay. I thought maybe you could call and talk to Jeff. It's the eighth year. That's amazing.

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3331.027

Wow, he's been doing this just a little bit longer than we've been doing this stupid show. I will still never forget when Jeff, when it kind of like all came together, green light go, funded, like they had the money and they were like, okay, we're going to go do this. Now, and we went out to eat, maybe that same day. I don't know. Maybe the same day he got that information.

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And we went out to eat with one of the guys that was early in on the whole situation. But we went out to eat. I'll never forget, Jeff and I were outside, and I was like, yeah, I can help.

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3362.525

I'll do some stuff. And he was like, yeah, yeah. Well, I can definitely get you tickets.

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3370.76

He goes, well, with your investment track record, I probably want to keep you on the crowd side of things. He's keeping you in his pocket.

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3381.683

He's going to pull me out. That's right. When he needs the festival to blow up, he'll go, let's bring that commercial break guy in.

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3390.166

Brought to you by JM Land Productions. One year brought to you in part by the commercial break.

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3397.92

Right. But the other part that didn't work out so well is that we were directly in front of one of the stages. And it was so loud that all you can hear is that. But some of two listeners that we met at that show. Still listen to this day. Stay in touch. Still contact us to this day. Still say hello to this day. Two people that we met, we gave away hundreds of stickers. Oh, yeah.

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3445.227

Most of them ended up on the floor of Mempho. I'm sure when cleanup time came, it was like all commercial brake bumper stickers.

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3459.171

I still have a few Mempho guitar pick stickers. If you're interested in that, let me know, and maybe Astrid can send you one. I don't have a ton, but I still have those. Those are the first official commercial break stickers. Those are vintage. Those are vintage. Five years old now, and they have a little Mempho thing on there, and it says the commercial break sticker. That was fun.

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We had a good time. It was fun. I'd do it differently next time in the sense that I wouldn't actually go as a podcaster to Mempho.

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3500.918

That's what I had kind of hoped would happen that first year, but it didn't really work out like that. It didn't really work out in our favor. Maybe now we would have a little bit more luck getting someone on the horn. But, you know, widespread panic. I don't think they're interested in talking to the commercial bank. Maybe schools would.

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3520.667

I did see that the brothers played five, four or five sold out nights in Madison Square Garden.

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3529.891

Yeah. The thing, like anybody who was kind of in that universe. I saw Chuck, your friend Chuck Lavelle was there. Yeah.

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Warren Haynes, Derek Trucks. I mean, Derek Trucks? Yeah, Derek Trucks was there and a couple of the old drummer from Allman Brothers. There was like 16 people on stage. I mean, it was like huge.

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3554.324

What really surprised me was not only the amount of people that showed up. I mean, it sold out.

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3562.348

Sold out every night. But then how many people streamed it? Like half a million people over the course of five nights streamed it. And that may not sound like a lot, but think about half a million people. That's a lot of human beings. But then the amazing light show, and I listened to a couple of the songs, and really the music was fantastic.

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I've seen the Allman brothers a lot because again, you're here in Georgia. You grew up in a certain time. The Allman brothers would come and play the Fox for like 10 nights in a row. Right. And you would go and, and I saw the Allman brothers many times. Um, And it was a hit or miss kind of band. Sometimes you would get it on a really good night. There was always professional.

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It always sounded okay. But sometimes they really flew. And sometimes it's kind of an average night. But those, whatever I saw online over the weekend was so fantastic. So good. So good. So rocking. It was just great to see them all there.

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362.721

Yeah, just that snake got on my house. But that would have been there regardless if the commercial break was around. And the bird that I killed by slamming the door too hard. Okay.

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3624.643

Where is Butch Truck's?

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3628.972

Is he the one that... He's the guitarist, but I don't think he died. Did he die?

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3638.281

Oh, Butch Trucks did die. Mm-hmm. Oh, not... But Betts.

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3645.127

Dickie Betts just died, that's right.

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3647.79

Okay, okay, that's what it is. Dickie Betts was, in my opinion... I mean, I've liked all the guitarists, including Dwayne Allman. But Dickie Betts took it to another level. That guy was so fucking good. Warren Haynes is incredible, too. But Dickie Betts, the way that he played guitar, just like a little old country boy, just playing that guitar like nothing.

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3675.794

Tragic. The Allman Brothers story is one you got to look up if you've never heard it. The Allman Brothers are one of the great rock and roll bands of all time.

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3700.327

Interesting.

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3701.807

Yeah, he was good. He was married to Cher for a while.

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3704.108

Yeah, I told that story about him up at the bar one night. We just told that story like a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, he was fantastic. All those guys really good. So if you get a chance, I think a lot of that is online. A lot of those songs are online. And then I think you can go to nugs.net and buy the entire thing. run if you want to. I think they have like a special on the run.

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They're not sponsoring the show or anything like that. I'm just saying if you're into that. We got on widespread panic and I thought about the Allman Brothers and the Brothers Band because it's in that kind of... You know, JM Land Productions was really tuned into a lot of that stuff back in the day.

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3735.024

A lot of those people I have met in person, I've been in the same room with, and they will never remember me or do business with me again. So I thought I'd just mention it.

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374.584

I had no idea. Now they're in the pool house.

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3752.621

I think they have no need for me. No need for me. That's what I'm finding out in life. Sometimes you think, well, clearly they'll want to buddy up, and then they're like, they don't have any need for me. It's like a lot of our guests. Why would they come on the commercial break? Why would they? On your way up or on your way down? One of the two. There you go. Speaking of guests...

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377.547

And the house finches are in the pool house.

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3774.326

six, maybe seven, possibly eight celebrity guests. Listen, we put it out there and all of a sudden now people want to be a part of it. And I couldn't be more happy and excited about that. And so if we have a couple extra hours of TCB, it's good. And we'll tell you about the minutia. Don't worry. We'll be okay. We're not actually going to... We won't actually be here two extra hours.

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I'll explain when the time comes. The 12 hours of TCB. At least 12 episodes on that Saturday, May 31st. Celebrating five years of the commercial break. Six seasons. And Mental Health Awareness Month, which is May. Yeah, we're super excited about it. And so just mark your calendars, tune on in. We're also going to be doing live video on that day through YouTube and Twitch. So that'll be exciting.

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380.289

Yeah. Me and my daughters were watching them fly all around and grab food. And the papa bird was protecting the nest. And she dive-bombed Blue. The male one did. Because I think it's the male that actually protects the nest and sits on the eggs and all that. Dive-bombed Blue. I let Blue out the back. And Blue went to go walking over there. And she dive-bombed Blue. And Blue was like, ah!

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3826.727

We need to test that out. Yeah. Yes. I was actually playing with it the other day. I figured out how to do this and that. But I'm calling in a professional. Don't worry. There's a guy. There's a guy I know.

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3838.712

I got a guy. Yeah. I know a guy like I knew a bunch of guys in the real estate business. Probably going to make us fall flat on our face.

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3845.457

Yeah, that's right. I'm calling in Grant Cardone. 10X. 10X it. So that's May 31st. Also, America's Next Top Mediocre Comedy Podcaster. If you want to be a part of that contest that will be running here at the commercial break, an offshoot of a joke that now I think is a good idea. If you want to have your own mediocre comedy podcast, if you've always aspired to that, let us know.

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3870.612

Tell us your idea briefly, why you want to do it. Give us your name and information. 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. at thecommercialbreak on Instagram, tcbpodcast on TikTok, and youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak for all the episodes on video the same day they air here on the audio. Oh yeah, tcbpodcast.com. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now. I think so. I'll tell you that I love you.

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402.845

It's kind of funny, actually. But listen, the Paul brothers are who they are, and they've done what they've done, and they've made a killing doing that. If I had to pick one, I would say Jake is probably the one that I like a little bit better than the other one. What's his name?

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418.053

The one that just did the fight with Mike Tyson. Aaron?

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421.635

Jake and Aaron. Because at least it seems like Jake is a little bit self-aware.

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428.619

Yeah, you do ayahuasca, and he did a lot. And I mean, I think it's different to do ayahuasca when you don't have to worry about what's in your bank account.

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Like, I think that there's so much stress and strife and emotional drama in life that comes from struggling financially and watching other people succeed financially. This just causes a lot of this drama internally in our egos. And so when you go down in ayahuasca, all that stuff melts away. But the...

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The fakeness of it, the falseness of it, the appearance of it, it's all there you can see causing a lot of drama in your ego. But it must be different to have a billion dollars in your bank account, never go to sleep worrying about how you're going to pay a bill if you have to work hard the next day, if your children are going to eat, survive, succeed, whatever.

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It must feel different to do ayahuasca. A vision came to him that he was going to fight Mike Tyson. A vision came to me that my car wouldn't get repoed. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, it's just two different things. It's just two different things. But anyway, Jake just bought 5,600 acres down in South Georgia. So welcome to Georgia. Welcome to Georgia, Jake.

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499.086

Invite us down anytime. We'd love to come down there and hang out at Lake Seminole. I mean, Lake Seminole is more like a swampy lake because it's so far south. Definitely gators living in that lake. Definitely gators living in that lake. This is not like one of those North Georgia... Mountain lakes.

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517.758

They're beautiful because they're all man-made. And they're really well taken care of by Georgia Power, the Tennessee Valley Authority, depending on where you are, which lake it is. Or Duke Energy is another one that has a couple up here. But, you know, those lakes down in Florida that are not They're just swampy swamps. That's what they are.

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538.735

Those are the kind you get yourself in trouble because there's pythons and anacondas and gators. And those pythons and anacondas aren't native to that part of the country. People just bought them as pets and then dumped them there when they got too big. Bunch of shitheads. Don't get a snake or a dog or a cat or anything that you can't take care of. Please. Please. Because then...

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561.454

Then Jake Paul is going to have to deal with it. If you don't care about Mother Earth and the actual creature, think about Jake Paul and how terrible it must be to have billions of dollars in your bank account and have to deal with pythons.

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584.105

South Georgia, right in the center, actually.

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587.066

Right on 75. Boom. When you go down there. Well, yeah, a little more east. You're right. A little more east. A little more going toward the east. But that Oak Finoke Swamp is pretty big. It's got a lot of stuff. It's big. It's a big one. Not as big as the one down near Miami, which is the... Exactly, Brian. What is that? What is that big one? I don't know. Now I'm going to sound like a dumbass.

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I'm so sorry, everybody. I'm so sorry I'm so stupid, everybody. Let me apologize in advance.

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619.283

Way bigger than the Okefenokee. It's like the biggest national park there is. Let me see here. Hold on, and I'll get it right. I've driven through it a million times, and now just for some reason I can't remember what it is. It is the—it's Big Cypress, but what is the swamp called? The Big Cypress National Preserve is the— What is the... Oh, fuck. I don't know. Okay. All right.

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647.596

Once again, Brian can't remember what it's called. The Everglades National Force.

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655.841

The Everglades and the National and Big Cypress, they kind of butt up against each other. That is... And that is where some people say is the most, like the survival people say is the most dangerous place in the world to try and survive is down in that.

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675.332

Because no shit Florida panthers. And those panthers are huge. And they will eat people. And they will attack people. And then you've got the gators. And then you've got the snakes. And then you've got every kind of like, you know, fish in the world that can kill you. Like the snaggletooth.

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693.204

Yeah, the snaggletooth catfish. You got all kind of shit down there that could kill you. You don't want any part of that. We went, I think, maybe I told this story. We went to Naples. Back before the podcast wasn't making any money. We went to Naples. Maybe this is before the actual podcast started. Or was it 2022?

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715.614

We honeymooned in Naples. We've been to Naples a number of times.

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720.177

Oh, no. Yeah, I think this was 2019. We go down to Naples and we rent a house for a week and we go with my in-laws and I think Gustavo was there with us too. So it's Gustavo. Gustavo. Gustavo. Who's coming back? Love you. Come on. Come on, Gustavo. Come on down. Maybe he'll do another episode with us. Yes. Gustavo and Ale, my in-laws, we rent this place a block and a half from the beach.

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Beautiful place with a pool out back. Lovely. My first kid is about a year old. And we decide, Astrid and I decide, let's go do something cool like a gator run. Let's go take one of those airboats and go on a gator run. And we had, on our honeymoon, we had driven past one, but we thought this would be a really cool thing to do with the in-laws and everybody. And then can we take the kid?

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Can we take a one-year-old? We call them. They say, yes, of course. We'll figure it out. And I'm thinking to myself, kid on an airboat, one years old, I don't know.

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In the Everglades. I don't know. But okay, let's go. And if we don't think it's safe, we just, one of us won't go. We drove 45 minutes. There was nothing. A dead straight road, middle of the Everglades, dead straight road, nothing but mangroves and swamp. That's it. And this goes all the way over to Miami. Yeah, it's a road. Yeah, it's one road. It's like called Big Seminole Highway, I think.

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And we get to the middle, basically. And there are a couple of these along the way. But we get to the middle and there is this whatever. You know, Bob's Gator Shack or whatever it is.

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Exactly. Best gator scene in all of the gator country. I don't know. Something like that. And you're like, okay. So we go. We park. The ride is at 10 a.m. They told us to get there a few minutes early. We were there like a half hour, 40 minutes early. We just got there early. We get out of the car and just imagine we're in this dusty parking lot. There's a little shack, like a house.

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And then they have this like deck that's built out onto into the, a little clearing in the swamp. So like a little lake or a pond. And then that deck goes back to where the boats are. And then the shack is like the place where you check in and you buy merch or whatever. Get your bait. Exactly. Get your bait. Your bait is you. The bait is you. So we are there early.

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There's a couple other stragglers that are like standing out in the parking lot. And I decide to go walk up on this deck where the house is. And then I'm just going to go take my boy in his stroller over up and down this little boardwalk and see what there is to see. And I go walking down that boardwalk, and what do I see? A 15-foot fucking alligator. I'm sure. On the boardwalk.

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With its mouth wide open.

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Ready to take my son into its clutchy hands and take it down for a swim. This wouldn't be the first time a child in Florida has been eaten by an alligator. Happened at fucking Disney World. which is a terrible, terrible, crazy thing to happen. But they've always had gators there, and they always knew they had gators there, and it just was a wrong place, wrong time, terrible, terrible thing.

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This gator was so fucking big. I've never seen anything so big and so intimidating in my life. And here I am 20 feet from it. So I back up, right? Turn around. It doesn't move. Yeah, it doesn't move. And they're not particularly fast on land. You can probably outrun one unless it's coming out of the water, right? Unless it's like jumping out of the water.

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Unless it can use its tail to propel itself, it's probably not going to be faster than you. But still, you don't want to try. Like, you're not looking to get in a run. You know, this isn't a race. You don't want to do the Boston Marathon with a bunch of gators chasing you. So I back up and I get out and then I'm like, holy shit.

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And then here's Ranger Bob or whatever his name is, you know, coming in with the keys. And he's like, hey, yo, how you doing? Oh, that's Lucy. Get away, Lucy. He grabs a stick. I swear to God, he grabs a stick that's sitting next to the door and he goes and he whap, whap, whap. And that gator's like... And like slithers away.

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This episode is sponsored in part by Groons. All right, let's talk about a better way to take care of your health. Are you juggling multiple supplements every day? With Groons Vitamins, you don't have to. It's not just a multivitamin, a greens gummy, or a prebiotic. It's all of those things and more at a fraction of the price. And here's the best part. It tastes amazing. We'll be right back.

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And I really wish that everybody would stop trying to sell me life coaching classes. Look at me. I'm perfectly well adjusted. Yes. I'm a contributing member of society. I have this fucking show and 40 kids. Everything's fine. I'm okay.

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I don't need another life coaching class. It's fucking ridiculous.

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I found a primo example of this online. I'm not going to rehash Jay Shetty's shit. Listen, you can go and read so many exposés on Jay Shetty. And by the way, if you believe in what Jay Shetty has to say, if you think his dime store wisdom is good, if it helps you out, then continue to listen to him.

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But you don't need to pay $10,000 to get some wisdom. When people gatekeep like that, it's to enrich themselves, and they probably don't have the answers. I found a woman, an Australian woman, online that I don't know how I found her. My algorithm is on fleek, as Christina would say. And this algorithm has been showing this woman, Natalie Peterson, who is a life coach in Australia.

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And she's also a lightworker, Chrissy.

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Any lightworker I know is poor as piss. But this lightworker seems to be rich as shit.

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Are they going to put the light into me? Yes.

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They believe in energetic healing and the energy is everything.

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Oh, like an energy, like Reiki and stuff like that?

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Kind of, but it's their version of it so they can sell you courses.

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Oh, okay.

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Reiki is way too well known. They make up their own shit and then they make you pay $10,000 for it. It's just another way of saying they believe in energy and how it transforms your life. Not a bad thing to believe in. I'm not saying that. But the way that this is being pitched and the way that this woman talks – I think is quite frankly fucking insane.

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And maybe that's why we don't, you know, Natalie Peterson hasn't taken the U.S. by storm yet, but we'll see. I'd like to review some of that. Let's take a break. We'll get to it after this.

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Dollar Shave Club is for everybody and every budget. Whether you like to go smooth like a baby's bottom or you're maintaining a fantastic manscaped beard like I do, Dollar Shave Club offers grooming products that are always high quality and always the right price. So let me introduce you to some of their top sellers. I think they're going to make your grooming routine feel like a spa day.

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This episode is sponsored in part by ShipStation. Well, if you've been listening to the commercial break over the holidays, then you know that Chrissy, Christina, and I have been hard at work knocking out 25 episodes in one single month. So we understand just how chaotic a business can be.

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So when you're running an e-commerce business, you understand there's a special kind of chaos that goes on with fulfillment and shipping. But ShipStation is one service that you can count on to help you remain calm day to day When it comes to any and all of your fulfillment needs, you've got to focus on the parts of your business that grow the business and then let ShipStation handle the rest.

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ShipStation makes it easy to automate shipping tasks and manage orders from one simple dashboard. And as the old adage goes, analytics are everything. You can scale your business faster because of ShipStation's robust automation and reporting system. Listen, here's the best part. You can save thousands on shipping with industry-leading discounts from their cutting-edge rate shopper, UPS.com.

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And most importantly, you'll deliver a better customer experience. Over 130,000 companies have grown their e-commerce business with ShipStation, and 98% of those companies have stopped. stuck around with ShipStation. Now it's your turn. Calm the chaos of order fulfillment with the shipping software that delivers. Switch to ShipStation today.

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Go to ShipStation.com and use the code commercial to sign up for your free trial. That's ShipStation.com code commercial. Thanks to ShipStation for being a sponsor of the commercial break. One of the best television shows of this decade is Severance on Apple TV, and I have been patiently waiting like everyone else for season two. Well, the wait is over.

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Our cup fill is over because on January 17th, Severance season two will be released. This genre-defying television show will blow your mind. It's hard to describe even one minute of it in the short amount of time that I have. So I'll tell you this.

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If you're a fan of dark comedy, sci-fi, romance, drama, dramedy, well-acted, well-written television shows, and or having your mind blown, this is the television show for you, my friend. And now, The Severance Podcast with Adam Scott and Ben Stiller is available for free.

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free on the Odyssey app or wherever you listen to your podcasts, and they are re-watching With Us season number one every weekday until season number two is released, where they will then re-watch season two with us.

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And they are going to give us an in-depth episode analysis with behind-the-scenes stories, fan questions, and guests from the show like creator Dan Erickson, as well as John Trattoro and Britt Lauer. Plus, celebrity super fans like Jon Stewart, Kristen Bell, and Dax Shepard are going to stop by. This podcast is going to be another excuse to spend more time thinking about severance.

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If you're not watching this television show, run to Apple TV, watch season one, listen to the companion podcast, and then you too can have clammy hands waiting for season number two to release. It's available now, free on the Odyssey app, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. This podcast is brought to you in part by our good friends at Squarespace.

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And anybody who listens to the commercial break knows how much I like a spa day. The Club Series 6 Blade Razor. This isn't just any razor. It's a mini vacation for your face. It's got six stainless steel blades and a vitamin E infused lubricant strip. This razor delivers the closest, most comfortable shave. Honestly, I feel just a little too pampered after I use this.

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I love talking about Squarespace because it's one of the tools that we use in our own business. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online.

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Whether you're just getting started or you're managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create beautiful websites, engage your audience and sell anything from products to content to time all in one place, all on your own terms. As a lifelong, sometimes successful entrepreneur, Squarespace has grown with me.

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Using Squarespace, I've been able to launch multiple websites and even build a business around launching Squarespace websites because they make it easy, it looks super professional, and it gives you all of the tools that you need to be successful online. Let me give you a couple examples of those tools. One of our favorites is the new Design Intelligence from Squarespace.

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Combining two decades of industry-leading design expertise with cutting-edge AI technology, you can unlock your creative potential. This helps you personalize a website unique to your needs. What about creators like me who want to sell content? Squarespace makes it easy to sell access to content on your website. Courses, blogs, videos, podcasts, and membership.

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That reoccurring revenue everybody is looking for so your clients can get access to your content for one-time fees or subscriptions. and then you're definitely going to need a way to take the payments. Squarespace Payments is the easiest way to manage your payments and not get lost in a sea of coding. The onboarding is fast and simple.

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You can get started in just a few clicks, and pretty soon you'll be receiving payments. Check out squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash commercial. and you'll save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. That's squarespace.com slash commercial, and you'll get 10% off that first purchase of a website or a domain.

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And thanks to Squarespace for being a continuing sponsor of our small business and the commercial break. I was just reading on Reddit, someone had posted a conversation that they were having with Jay Shetty's Instagram DM. And they basically said, hey, I'm interested in this course, you know, tell me what it is.

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And the person on the other end was like, oh, hey, you know, Jay Shetty's masterclass, you know, to really be a life coach, you got to spend two or three hours a week doing, you know, personal phone calls and all this. And she was like, okay, great. Like, how much is the course? And she's like, well, I think it's important to find out how much money you make per year first.

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So essentially they're right-sizing it, and some other person says it costs between $150,000 and $200,000 to complete the entire course. What? And I'm like, $200,000? And he gets a speaking fee. I'm sorry. It costs between $10,000 and $20,000. His speaking fee is between $150,000 and $200,000. Don't you think I would be much more interesting for that $150,000, $200,000?

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I think I could do corporate speaking, and I could just – incessantly ramble on like I do here on the commercial break. And I think that the people would get more out of that than they would a Jay Shetty appearance.

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Oh, I think some people think we're already life coaches. And they have real problems. Those people have real problems. They do need a life coach. Natalie Peterson is a 5D energetics business coach. 5D. 5D. Remember they used to say drums playing chess in 5D. Yeah. Like, oh, really?

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And the precision trimmer is perfect for getting those little detailed areas like right under the nose or around your jawline. Because when you're going to keep it high and tight... You need to get it precise. But don't take my word for it. Try it for yourself. Dollar Shave Club products are now available anywhere.

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Five dimensions, including the light work. There she is. She believes in some weird combination of extreme and extraordinary capitalism, light work, and spiritual healing.

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She's on Instagram. She's been pitching her shit for a long time. Looks like she gets some seminars in small hotel rooms, you know, hotel ballrooms here. And while most of her stuff is behind a gate, like you can't see all the real tips and tricks.

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Luckily, luckily, she is letting us in on some of her most important secrets, which I think you'll find really has more to do with money than anything else. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm strolling on the internet.

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As I do like to do. Here's Natalie Peterson, Australian life coach and 5D energetics business coach.

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Did she give a Star Trek?

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She just did the Star Trek. Nothing like being an energy healer and starting your video off with fuck.

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First level's like, you pay me 50 bucks, and then, you know, I give you a little bit of information. Level two is where I really suck you dry for everything it was.

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is doing this right there is not another light language I think she's pregnant by the way so let me say that when you're pregnant you wear whatever the fuck you want to

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So you can order them from the website, Amazon, or get them at your favorite retailer near you. That's what I do. Alternatively, you can visit the site right now for 20% off. $20. or more and get your products delivered right to your door. Visit dollarshaveclub.com slash TCB and use the code TCB for 20% off $20 or more. And remember, whatever you shave, welcome to the club.

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It's way too powerful, Chrissy. I don't want to put you in a situation where you could literally change people's lives just by looking at them.

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Be careful, Chrissy. These are powerful secrets.

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Age-old wisdom from Brisbane, where all the Eastern philosophy started.

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I love when I get absolute clarity about anything.

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I don't even know what the weather's going to be like in an hour, but she's going to provide absolute life clarity from Brisbane.

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You got to burn the sage. You got to burn the sage. Look at all the workers are in their total white uniforms to denote that they are better than you. Oh, they have an orgasm course at the beginning? Yeah. They all have an orgasm before they walk in?

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I've seen some of these, like... female lightworkers and how they like put people into, there's something called the fire breath. We've learned about this. The breath of fire, fire breath, right? Which is a real thing. And it's a real yogi thing. You can really do this fire breath by breathing in and out very quickly and then doing certain breaths.

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But I've seen some of these and these women get like orgasmic. It's like, honestly, it's a little strange for like a weekend seminar at the Holiday Inn. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

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Well, there's a lot of people that believe that. It does help me. I do have to say that I also believed that for a long time. And while I wouldn't go to my chiropractor if my back was like actually tweaked out, that's for an orthopedic to go to, to keep it in shape, going to a chiropractor, I don't know, something about it, I do believe that it loosens me up a little bit.

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Yeah, there's also good ones and bad ones.

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My guy is like a PT.

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Yeah. Yeah, nothing like doing pole dancing before we do some energetic light work. What is going on there?

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That's a lap dance she's giving. Wow. Okay, maybe this is going to be good. How much is this course?

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I don't know what this song is, but it goes right along with my interpretation of absolute clarity and 5D energetic work.

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He's already said the N-word three times in this song. Completely on the spot. Money Chat with Nat Patz.

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Very cute, yeah.

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Yeah, she's not using a screen. She's using an easel with a marker.

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Thanks to Dollar Shave Club for being a sponsor of the commercial break.

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Okay, let's see. I can't wait. This is going to be groundbreaking stuff. Pieces you did around money. Pieces you did around money. This is an important part. A lot of people have energetic problems with money. Anybody who works here at the commercial break, let's see what happens when she gives her. We're going to find absolute clarity out of this.

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Cool. Cool. Cool. Within an emotional level, the spiritual level, the physical level, the mathematic level, the scientific level, geography, Chrissy.

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Yes. Roller coasters. And within any level, this is how basically I break it down like this.

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It's 51 days till spring. I can't believe it. But what's in the air is Cracker Barrel. Cracker Barrel is there for you, for your family, for your office gatherings, your parties, whatever you may need. Cracker Barrel is there for you. Just like spring is coming, Cracker Barrel is here already. So remember, live more and do more and celebrate Cracker Barrel.

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So anxiety...

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Do you get the impression she's making this up as she goes along? I think she did make it up. I think so. But when you put it on an easel like that, the second you put it on paper, you feel like you've gotten what you paid for. Now imagine you're one of these women or men, I mainly see women, but I'm sure there's men in the audience too.

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Imagine you're one of these people and now you've spent $2,000 to be here at the weekend. And what What she puts up on the board, you think you're going to be like some energetic light worker or something? What she puts up on the board is money chat with NatPat.

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I don't know anybody that doesn't have anxiety around money. First of all, some kind of anxiety around money. Second of all, this is horseshit. Why are you telling us about what happened when you were 15? What are we doing?

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On her website, it says that she is calling in $250,000 a month.

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she's calling in calling in you just have to ask for it ask the universe i've been asking the universe for a long time just claim it i did find a couple pennies under i cleaned my bed today and i found a couple pennies there you go there you go i called it in your direction i called it in hello hello hello i need 250 000 universe hello

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A pack of cruisers. I think that might be cigarettes.

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I'm guessing.

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Remember, folks, these are the two light codes that have changed her life and given these women absolute clarity. So far, she has told us which store she purchases jeans at and she gets two packs of cruisers every weekend.

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I'm pissed if I spend money on this. And some girl's telling me anecdotes between her and her cousins and money.

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And by the way, I'm coming in here to be an energetic light healer. And so far, she's telling us how she loves extensions, her fake tan, her jeans, her cruisers, and all her money.

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Let's get real. When you don't have money, you're a fucking bleeb. Let's get real. You're worse than I am.

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On this episode of the Commercial Break.

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Yeah, the National Light Practitioners Association.

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She's been personally touched by me as well. I'm personally touching everybody's lives. If you want to spend more money, let me know and I'll get you in touch with another lady who we work together to take all your money.

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On her website, it says that she is calling in $250,000 a month.

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These secrets. I have to keep some of these secrets confidential. We don't want these getting out in the world. Read books. Budget your money. Get your tits done.

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Oh, my God. Of course they are. They feel embarrassed they spent $2,000 on this. They're like, I better come away with something.

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Write that down. She's got a person writing. Go ahead. Yes, please. Millionaire Mind. Please make note that it's the most book I've ever listened to. Mm-hmm.

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Even if you have a penis, it came from your father. And your father's line. And now we have to get rid of the penis. To get rid of the anxiety and read the books. By the way, Millionaire Mind is the book I've read the most via audiobook. Yes. I've read it through audiobook.

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I've been asking the universe for a long time.

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Of course, there's a portal. Of course. Do you have access? Have you paid for it yet? I'm sure they're all like this. Yes.

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I did find a couple pennies under my bed. I cleaned my bed today and I found a couple pennies.

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I literally have a word, transformation. And the second you hear play... What I am!

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Literally.

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Transformation, transformation, transformation. Keep transforming. Are you transforming yet? Have you transformed?

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She's out of breath. She's making it up as she goes along. She can't keep up with her own bullshit.

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I'm looking at you, Rhonda. I wasn't lazy about it. I did it every day. I said, hey, money, what you doing today? Good morning.

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Okay, I'm going to have a cup of tea. Would you like to join me? And then we're going to go shopping and then I'm going to spend you. How do you feel about that? Okay.

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Literally.

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Literally. When it leaves my purse, is it going to come back? Are you going to come back? Okay, literally. All right. Talk to you later. Bye-bye, little money.

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The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.

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Here's what she's... Okay, the lady asked this question, and I know you can't really understand it, but she said, I've got a few friends, and they don't do well with money, and I feel like their energy is affecting my energy. Do I get rid of those friends? To which Natalie responds, yes. Yes. So get rid of your poor friends. Literally, get rid of your poor friends. You must literally leave them.

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And if you need new friends, I'm here for you. It's just $10,000 a month for access.

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Yes. And it's hard because you love me. And it's hard because they're real people. But I don't give a shit. Pay me more money.

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Hiya, cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

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Get out. What does it say? I can't read it.

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It says, pay bills with gratitude. Oh.

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I love you, Blue Cross Blue Shield.

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All you got to do is call it in. Just call it in. All right, do we need to take a break? I'm lost on time. Okay, let's do that. Let's take a break. We'll be back with more Natalie Peterson.

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Nat Pat's changing our lives. We'll do more Money Chats with Nat Pat, literally, after this break.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. You know who's getting under my skin lately? Since I'm on a roll, I'll just keep going. You know, if you remember, it could be anybody. It could be everybody, actually. It could be everybody. Because I'm really fucking irritated this week.

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All right, we're back with Nat Pat. She's given us all the secrets. She's currently telling us to get rid of all of our poor friends because that's what poor people need, less friends.

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Listen, you're way too poor to be around me. I am multi-four-figure life coach, and you can be too. If you get your head out of your ass, stop being anxious, read Millionaire Mindset, and pay your bills with gratitude, everything will turn out fine. And by the way, call your money in the morning.

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We love when Tina shares. Tina, please share. You're not a plant in the audience, are you? Because I bet you are.

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Sounds like the kind of person I want to hang out with.

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Oh, I already know plenty of these people, by the way. I don't need Nat Pat to give a fuck about herself. Clear plant, saying nice things about Nat Pat.

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By the way, notice how we all start to conflate. And I'll say we all because I'm guilty of this, too. Trust me, there was a period in my life when this this would have got me. Some of this would have gotten me. She says, I don't know why I wanted to be in the room, but I wanted to be there. Like there's some magical force pulling you into the room.

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It could be everybody.

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Do you remember when you and I went to, I won't name the name of the company because I think they might be a little bit legit. But do you remember you invited me to like an MLM seminar one time? Yes. And we walked into this hotel room, the hotel ballroom in this nice hotel north of Atlanta. And we walked out ready to take on the world.

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She changed outfits, by the way.

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Yeah, well, she's giving us a little inside scoop on her entire weekend program. And, yeah, I just want to change that. Does she eat? Yeah, she's eating, by the way. Well, she is pregnant, so let's give her a break. Yeah, she is. I know this because I've watched some of the other videos. Yeah, she's eating.

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First of all, second of all, I just want to point out here, this girl said, you know, I wanted to be in the presence of someone who does not give a fuck about anyone else but herself. And she's like, can I change those words? I give too much of a fucks about you.

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That's right. Which is exactly the same as I don't give any fucks about you. I give too much fucks about you.

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It's going to happen. I called my dad. I called my brother. And so now she's encouraging people to be those people. She's encouraging you to cut your life out. Go ask for money from somebody else.

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I probably would have guessed that actually just throwing that out there.

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The light codes course, which she doesn't know how she's going to pay for, but she's got it. Don't worry, Chrissy. Everything's going to turn out fine. She's back with her life partner.

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You are the woman I never thought you'd get an opportunity for me to see. Just wanted you to know that. And nothing says I love you like you're finally the man I never thought you would get to see.

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I love it.

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This has nothing to do with money or light codes. And listen, okay, that's a big problem for a lot of people. There's some sexual hang-up or something, and freeing yourself of that sexual hang-up, I think, is a big deal. But I don't know that I would go to NatPad about it.

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See, did I tell you paying $2,000 for this course would pay off? Right? Right? Now you've heard all about Tina's love life.

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Oh, yeah.

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We were pumped. Woo!

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We're going to make multiple seven figures. Woo! Selling skincare to the plebes. We're going to figure it out. I'm going to have a downline. 75 people. Everyone's going to be selling skincare, skincare, skincare. We all need to take care of our skin. And these are the people that do it. And I'm going to be the representative for North of Atlanta.

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Is that an angel number?

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I broke even. Net loss of $100 after a plane flight. But let's call a spade a spade. I am now the national representative.

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That's right. And I am also now the national representative. I am the lady on the PSA for koala syphilis.

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You didn't let it go. You gave it to Natalie to fund her incredibly interesting lifestyle.

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Yeah. Of course.

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You have to justify this. After you're involved in it, now you have to justify what's going on.

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This is how people get programmed. Yeah. This is how people get programmed.

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It's called light and easy. Oh, light and easy.

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I became a grandma. I became a grandma. And now I'm going to spend $2,000. Now I'm going to hire the kids, too. The kids are going to be in the light coaches.

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Yeah, I think she said, can I do light codes on them? They're babies. What light codes are you going to give them? Make sure they read Millionaire Mindset. Be grateful when they pay their bills. Light codes means nothing. Light codes is just this. This is the point. If you don't, she just said she was going to reveal her two biggest light codes, the secrets to her success.

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The first modality is just so you can go out there and heal other people and heal yourself. But the second one, you're going to be given the tools, the powerful tools to change people's lives.

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And so far, all we've seen is her talk about one time she read a book and then also other people blowing smoke up this lady's ass because they're justifying the incredible amount of money that they've spent to come to this workshop. I'm pissed if I'm walking out of this. This is why life coaching is horseshit. Like Natalie might have some wisdom.

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And it took us about a week to come down off of that high horse when we decided there's actual work involved here. And no one wants to be involved in our little scammy bullshit. And so I guess this isn't going to work out. Back to radio sales. Back to the sales. Back to SEO. And that's about it. But this is not – but that was not the first time I had been pitched MLM.

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I'm not saying that Natalie as a human being doesn't have some wisdom. I'm sure she's been through things. I'm sure she can share some advice. That doesn't certify you as a light code 5D energetic business coach. It's because you can rent a Holiday Inn room. Doesn't mean you have something to impart on people for $2,221. What are we doing here? Why are we sitting here right now?

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Why aren't we in a Holiday Inn somewhere?

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Yes. She said exactly what we said at the beginning of this show. You do not need NatPat to give you some keys to the kingdom. They're inside you already. Maybe you need to read so you can put some words to it. Maybe you're tactile and you need to feel around for it a little bit. But at the end of the day, you don't need NatPat to certify you to be wise. Look at your own life.

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Take wisdom from your own life. Look internally. Heal yourself. I guarantee... This is fucking insane. This woman is drinking a White Claw and eating Cheetos while you paid $2,000 to hear about her fake tan and her brush brush.

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No, that's not why we hate you. No, no, no, no, no. And by the way, hate is not a word that I use for you. I love you. God bless you. And if all these people are paying you money to sit up there and yammer on, well, I wish I could do the same sometimes too. But I promise you, I am not upset because you decided to put this information in a course. I think that's what's wrong with this world.

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Yep. This is gonna get him This is the way we make more money put this out my anatomy of my body I had no idea

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This is the light code I've been waiting for. Pain in her vagina. Natalie's got pain in her vagina.

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I have no idea. I don't know where this went wrong. I don't know what we're talking about anymore. I don't know how this has anything to do with life coaching. Your numb vagina is not why I paid $2,221. It's not money. It's not light work. I guess it's her... We're not talking about her vagina. That's what I paid for.

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I worked for a guy at a restaurant, and he had been high-level MLM in multiple companies.

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Yeah, nothing like saving a baby's life. Oh, my God. Here we go. Unbelievable. Modern medicine has a lot of problems. But I can promise you, I can promise you, having been through it, have birth at a hospital. Have birth at a hospital. God bless America.

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I'm a man, by the way, so I want to say that that's obviously a personal choice, but having been through a traumatic birth. You did. Do it where doctors are.

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It was like the egg – I forget what it was called, but there was like a big egg MLM one time. Yeah, egg, made out of eggshells, all kind of like powders and potions.

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This is a life coaching course people have paid for. And we are completely off the tracks.

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I think that you're bringing up a good point. It's good to end on. Life coaches... Do not have any answers, but they will tell you that they do so that they can get you. They can part you from your money and then get you somewhere where you can spend more money. And then by the training manual where you two can learn how to give the answers that they don't have that they've never given you.

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And at the end of the day, you're broke and miserable and they're rich and miserable. Think about the options. Yeah.

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And hey, listen, Nat Pat, if you come across this and you want to come on the show and explain exactly what the light codes... If you want to explain exactly what you didn't explain in this video, I'd be happy to listen. If you've got some wisdom to impart, I realize you've got to keep some of that very secret because it's very powerful stuff.

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Should it get out there in the wild, Chrissy? I don't know what would happen. Should everybody become a more...

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That's right. Then who's going to pay for my course? And Jay Shetty is just the next stop, right? Jay Shetty and then the next person and then the next person. I can name five people on my Instagram right now that are some version of life coaching. And I do believe in mentorship. Like, if you need help getting organized and you pay someone who's a professional organizer... That's good.

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If you need help starting a podcast and you get a podcast coach, that's good. If you do something so broad, like light codes too, and you're teaching people about your numb vagina, you've just wasted everybody's time and my money. Yeah. But hey, at least that lady got a commercial out of it. I know. I guess that's all we got to say. All right. 212-43081. Stop. Brian, stop. No, no, no. Don't stop.

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supplements supplements are a big one that's a big one uh lula roe of course we all know is that lula roe is that how you say it uh lula roe yeah the the tights the tights yeah lula roe of course they had a big expose done on them and netflix and and so many of my essential fucking oils that now you know just cancer causing bullshit that you burn in your house and make it smell like hotels or whatever i don't know yeah i don't know spencer pratt

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I'm not telling you to stop. I'm just saying, Brian, stop. Hey, listen, we've been saying this all week, and I think it's something we're going to say a lot around here. Sharing is caring. So if you like the show and you think somebody else might be interested in the show, do us a favor. Pass it along. Or if you don't like somebody, pass it along. If you have a numb vagina, pass them along.

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Everybody needs something in this life, and the commercial break might be the thing. Share it on your Instagram or whatever. Tag us. We'd love it. We certainly would. That'd be great. All right. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. Voicemail or text message, we'll get back to you, we promise.

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TCBpodcast.com, all the audio, all the video, and your free sticker at The Commercial Break on Instagram. TCBpodcast on TikTok and YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break for every single episode of The Commercial Break on video. Subscribe, like, comment on your favorite video. We'd appreciate it. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today. I think so. I'll tell you that I love you. I love you.

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Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. And 5D, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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But anyway, the point is— Scott Disick. Scott Disick. Oh, yeah, that's right. But I think Spencer was selling—whatever. He probably was. MLMs are scams. All of them. They're very nature. The people at the bottom get screwed, and the people at top win, and the people at top are always the insiders who manage to get hundreds of people, if not thousands of people.

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No, here you go. It's got to sell a product because if you're not selling a product, then it's illegal. But there is one industry that is now becoming MLM, in my opinion. And I think a lot of people would agree with me. There is one industry that is unregulated, that does not necessarily need to sell a product. Maybe they sell a quote unquote product. That is taking the world by storm.

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And that is the business of your fucking soul. Your soul is now an MLM. Life coaches. Oh, life coaches. Yes. That are creating the problems that you desperately need to solve over and over again. Making you as neurotic as possible because they have the solution, which just causes more problems that then you need more life coaching for. Life coaches are out of fucking control.

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Do you want to take my course? Do you want to take my seminar?

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Do this. Do that. You need it. I've got it. Whatever ails you. And this really, it strikes people at two levels. It strikes them at a scientific emotional level, like the science, the neuroscience of your emotions. And then oftentimes it mixes in some kind of pseudo-spiritual Eastern philosophy bullshit. It is clearly just horse hockey, right? Or most of it.

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Horse hockey, picking and choosing little things from here and there and putting together, probably rehashing somebody else's words and then building some expensive course that then you need to take to make yourself better when they are the ones, in fact, that are driving you fucking up a wall telling you you have everything wrong with you.

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This really is getting under my skin because I see it everywhere. Everybody is a life coach. And what I saw the other day made me go down a rabbit hole. I saw a girl that I know posted on her Instagram. Her new thing on her new description on Instagram is Jay Shetty certified life coach. Jay Shetty.

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One of the most popular podcasters in the world. He's been around for a long time. He was like Facebook video. Then he went to Instagram. Now he's doing podcasting. He has literally sat down with the president of the United States, Joe Biden, to have an interview about pseudoscience bullshit, right? Okay. I'm not saying everything that Jay says is wrong.

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And I'm not saying that he doesn't have some wisdom. He probably does. But so do I. I've got dime store wisdom just like he does. I can rehash quotes. One of the things Jay is accused of,

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in general is taking other people's quotes like the Buddha or Wayne Dyer I read that and then he'll put his name under it Jay Shetty like he made up the quote but he didn't they are very famous quotes from other people but most people are none the wiser so they think Jay Shetty has got time store wisdom all day long Jay Shetty putting his name on quotes is the new putting an inspirational poster in your office it's all bullshit hang in there hang in there

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We rise together. We fall apart. I got one.

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It is what it is.

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You don't need anybody. Generally, we're not broken. We're perfect just the way we are. We've got our foibles and our coibles. Yeah, you've got to work on yourself on this and that and the other thing. But that wisdom can come. The wisdom that's being rehashed in life coaching has been around for a very long time. And if you seek it out, you can probably get it for a couple of books on Amazon.

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It's huge. But the self-help industry, I believe, is making us causing the sicknesses that we think we have. In other words, they're identifying all kind of, you know, I'm a hypersensitive left brain quark. I've got hypersensitivity. You don't have hypersensitivity. You're sensitive. You're emotional like the rest of us. You're alive. You're alive.

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You're feeling things. It's okay. You'll be all right. Go home and eat some Ben and Jerry's like the rest of us.

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You'll be fine. Everything's okay. Settle down. We all go through shit. And yet I agree that, you know, you can go through a moment where you need some uplifting. You're vulnerable. You're going through a breakup. You're having a hard time. Money's tight. Kids are shitty. You know, relationships not going well.

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That's a time when you seek inner wisdom or maybe the outer wisdom of like a book that is clearly trained professional.

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Or a trained professional like a therapist or a psychiatrist or psychologist. But paying – and let me explain about Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty's course to become a certified – Jay Shetty, life coach. Oh, God, how much? Close to $10,000. Close to $10,000.

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And then for a time, he was claiming that then you would be associated with some fancy, you know, you'd be on your way to getting a master's degree with some fancy university in the UK that he attended or had a relationship with or whatever. And I was just watching a Coffee Zillow, this guy who kind of busts scams and Bitcoin scams and stuff like that. He was talking, Bitcoin! Bitcoin!

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Melania Coyne. He did an expose on this, and he was explaining that they called these universities, and not only did the universities not know what the fuck anybody was talking about, the universities demanded that Jay Shetty take their names off of the course and off of the materials and off of the website. Jay Shetty... Also claims he was a monk in India for four years.

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He never really lived in India. I mean, Jay Chetty, like all these little things just don't add up. And then he's charging exorbitant amounts of money to make you a life coach. So you can go out there and teach other people just how shitty their life is. It's crazy. Life coaches, like really good ones.

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And I'm talking like the Wayne Dyers of the world who probably would never have considered himself a life coach. He was just a guy who had a lot of wisdom and he would like to share it. He was a good talker. He was a good bullshitter, but he would put words together that made sense. It resonated. Yeah, it resonated. It made you think about your life.

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And yes, if you wanted to go see Wayne Dyer, you'd have to pay a price. A lot of times you would give that to charity. I saw Wayne Dyer, and I paid for the ticket to go see Wayne Dyer. I bought his books. I bought his stuff. I liked what Wayne Dyer had to say, but I never considered Wayne Dyer my life coach, nor did I consider him my god.

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I wasn't like, oh, Wayne Dyer, I'm in the cult of Wayne Dyer.

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Never. I just liked his dime store wisdom. I thought it was good. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at start to change. That's a really smart one. That's a good one. But I don't put my name under it and call it Brian Green's saying. It's not. It's Wayne Dyer's saying. But if you want to quote me, feel free. Listen, life coaches are irritating.

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And now everybody and their mother is a life coach. And everybody and their mother is now making a seminar or a – you know, class that you can take so that you too can be a life coach. We are all just selling each other's souls for nothing. It's like, it's just crazy to me. It's another MLM.

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If you get in early and you become a Jay Shetty life coach, then you can teach courses on how they can be life coaches. And then everyone's going to be a fucking life coach. There's going to be no one left to talk to. All right, put them up. I'm being dead serious. This is craziness to me. And, you know, I talked to Allison Hare, who's a friend of ours and a longtime fan of the show.

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One of the people who helped to get this show off the ground, if I'm being real honest about it. She and I talk about this all the time. All of these like this, this like prevalent. Life coaching, pseudoscience, be neurotic, kind of like everybody needs to fix everything that's wrong with them and, you know, overanalyzing and overthinking is making us more sick and more anxious and more neurotic.

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And we're never really getting the answers because there are no answers to being human. It's just the way that it is. It's the way that it is. You know, David Lynch died. Yes. David Lynch was one of the, I guess you could call them the ambassadors of something called TM, Transcendental Meditation.

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Transcendental Meditation has also been accused of being kind of culty and you have to pay a lot of money to learn how to do it, blah, blah, blah. But there's many celebrities and many other people who believe in Transcendental Meditation, including the fucking Beatles, right?

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I mean, they were like some of the original, the Maharaja Yogi or whatever his name was, was teaching Transcendental Meditation. And I watched David Lynch's last video before he passed away. And the video was him leading a TM class, essentially, like from a Zoom call or whatever. And he was saying that, you know, the Maharaji one time told John Lennon, he said...

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Nothing, no thing can change the world. And if you understand that, then you understand it. If it sounds confusing, just think about it for a second. Not nothing, like no, but no thing can change the world. That's where consciousness lies. That's where humanity lies. That's where spirituality lies. And then John Lennon took that and wrote the song, Nothing's Going to Change My World. Right?

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Nothing's going to change my world. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So across the universe, the very famous song across the universe was written because this was a conversation that he had with the Maharaji. The wisdom is inside of you is another way of putting this. You don't need to hire some $50,000 life coach to fix things that aren't wrong with you.

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And she's like, listen, I think we need to spray this thing off. Or honestly, I don't know that it's ever going to come out. And I'm like, it's never going to come out. That was the wateriest, weirdest. Let me tell you what my daughter had for breakfast, which was the mistake. Yeah. Ich glaube, das ist es. Okay, so now Astrid and I are standing out in the parking lot.

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Kids are in the, like now I have the hatch back open and they're just sitting in the back on the luggage. Like sitting on the luggage. Und Astrid und ich sind zusammen, wir haben einen Husband-Wife-Moment. Und ich bin so... Ich weiß nicht, was wir tun können. Sie sagt, hör mal, einer der Kinder ist alt genug, um einen Booster-Sitz zu haben.

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Also glaube ich, ich könnte in Walmart gehen, sehen, ob es einen Platz gibt, der die Situation befindet. Und wir könnten einfach diesen Toss nehmen. Und ich bin so, wo werden wir den Toss nehmen? Und sie ist so, ich weiß es nicht. Und ich sage, ich denke, wir können ihn in der Grasse hier verlassen. Aber ich schaue nach, es gibt Kameras überall.

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Ich bin so, nein, ich glaube, wir können ihn in der Grasse verlassen. You know what we can do? Why don't we get one of those industrial construction bags, the kind that they put the garbage bags, they put construction debris in. Let's get it. We'll throw a bunch of those bleach wipes in there so it doesn't smell so bad. We'll wrap it up. We'll throw it in the back of the car.

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And when we get to my dad's, we can hose it down and see if we can give it to the women's shelter or something like that. Right. Something. I don't know what we can sell it for 10 bucks. Give it away. The target sometimes has a drop off that you can drop it off. Okay, so we wrap it up. We open all the windows. Finally, we get some of the smell out of there.

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It's still lingering, but it's much better. You know, at least you can deal with it. I keep the windows open the entire drive. We're going like 90 down the highway and the windows are open. My kids' faces are plastered back. And they're like, can you roll off the window? No, no, I cannot. I'm not going to get that shit. Once it gets in the air conditioning filter, it'll never get out. All right.

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So we get to my dad's house. We take that thing out.

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Three hours away, three hours to go because of the traffic, right? So we get to my dad's house, we take that thing out, we put it on the side of the driveway and, you know, we tell my parents, okay, hey, we'll get to it, we'll clean it or whatever.

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So everybody unpacks, couple hours later, they're cooking dinner and I'm like, okay, you want to just go out and see if we can clean that thing at least so the smell is not there and we can wrap it up, bring it home, put it in the dumpster, I don't know, something.

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Chrissy. We take that thing apart and we take the cloth off of that thing. And when we take the cloth off of that thing, there is a film, a film, a white mucousy film that is stuck to the inside of the cloth that wraps around the seat of the car seat. When we start spraying it, that film comes apart.

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Like, I don't know, like slime that you would make at your house, like homemade slime starts coming apart in pieces and literally rolling down the driveway. It was the most disgusting thing I had ever seen in my entire life. It was like, oh, just like curdled milk. Yes. Oh, disgusting.

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Es war der Puk. Es war der Puk, der in den Krebsen geraten hat. Und in den zwei, drei Stunden, in denen wir im Auto waren, hat es sich solidifiziert. Oh. In eine ganz neue Texturen und Geschmack für alle Kinder.

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Ja. Der Wind und der Heat. Ja. Es war gross. Und jetzt wollen Sie, ihr Arschlöcher, in die Mäuse von einander spitzen. Das ist das, was aus Ihrem Mund kommt. Pipi-pupu auf der anderen Seite. Und jetzt hast du einen Kink, den du spüren willst. Und ich habe nicht gesagt, spüren an, ich habe gesagt, spüren in. Lass uns alleine sein. Das ist ein Assault. Du sollst in den Gefängnis gehen. Unglaublich.

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Hast du einen Kink, den du in den Mund spüren willst?

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Was ist einer deiner? Das ist für ein anderes Show. Welches Show ist es für, wenn es nicht für den kommerziellen Break ist? Ich würde es gerne wissen. Inquiring minds want to know. Oh, yes, in another episode.

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Stop spitting in each other's mouths. The CDC stopped reporting on up-and-coming contagious pandemics. So guess what? We're fucked. If you guys start spitting in each other's mouth and all of a sudden we have the, you know, I don't know, yogurt potato chip-a-vitus. What if they didn't throw up and they brushed their teeth?

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I'd take under consideration. I'd take under consideration a little extra saliva exchange in the process of kissing. But spitting? Call me old-fashioned. Call me old-fashioned. Call me old-fashioned. I'm the kind of guy who likes, you know, I'm the kind of guy who likes to get pegged a lot high on cocaine. Okay, call me old-fashioned. Yeah, exactly. The old-fashioned way. The old-fashioned way.

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Spitting is not a kink. It's a, I don't know, it's a passing of diseases. Yes, that's what it is. Unbelievable. A hazard. That's a good way to put it. Not a kink, it's a hazard. And everyone's got to stop it. And I don't care what movie or television show it was in. It's just, it's enough already. Where are we going with this? What's next? What's next?

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Okay, I'll let everyone finish their breakfast now. Thank you.

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I'm gonna sit right here and hear another stare in Mexico.

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Yeah, he's... I think he's... He's country, for sure, but he's more of a Jimmy Buffett type, I think, is probably would be... That's true. He has a lot of songs that are country... But, you know, Jimmy had a kind of a country-ish flavor, too, to a lot of his songs, a lot of southern twang to Jimmy's music. But Kenny... He's got that party vibe.

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I mean, back in the early 2000s, Kenny Chesney's concert was the place to be.

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At 949 The Bull. Oh, The Bull.

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Well, I voiced a classic country music station. Yes, you did. The Legend. 96.7 The Legend. Yes, you did. Classic country all the time. Playing on a loop from a computer. To twelve people in South Georgia. Yeah, that's right. But Kenny was, that was quite the ticket. Oh my God. Back in the mid 2000s, 2008, 2009, 2010. He was huge. He'd sell out these huge stadiums.

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Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein. Stop it. Stop it already. Everyone's acting like children around here. That's what children do. They spit in each other's mouths. Not adults. We're stopping it right now. Everybody cut it out.

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People would go and party all day long. He was like a, he was cultivating a very much a tour lifestyle. Maybe if not following people, following from Chesney's show to Chesney's show. But people would go, they would party, there would be a lot seen, the whole thing. Kenny had this, you know, he did it. He kind of got the perfect connection with his audience. He did.

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Which was, let's party, let's have a beer, let's have a good time, let's get those island vibes going. You know, it was very much that Jimmy Buffett-type feel to his shows and to his, I don't know, to the whole thing.

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Performance. So, I hadn't heard the first thing about Kenny Chesney in a decade. I don't think I have heard the word Kenny, those words, Kenny Chesney in a decade.

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I'm sure.

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Kenny Chesney, ich kenne keine Kenny Chesney Musik, aber okay, eine andere Bier in Mexiko klingt wie eine coole Lied, richtig? Und wenn du einfach den ganzen Tag abhängen wirst und Bier trinkst, zumindest damals, das war auch meine Vibe, abhängen und ein Bud Light trinken. Cool. Durch den Pool. Durch den Pool. Ich bin all about that. Das klingt großartig für mich.

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Aber Kenny at the Sphere war ein bisschen aus dem linken Feld.

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Well, it's already started. He's on a 12-day run, I think, or 16-day run, something like that. And the first two, three of those happened over Memorial Day weekend.

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Yeah. Makes sense. It's a great weekend to get out to Vegas and right before the Bitcoin conference heads there. Those two mixings of crowds. It's perfect. It's perfect. So here's the point. So this fear.

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While I was reading an article about Kenny Chesney, I was like seeing people were posting stuff and the visuals are amazing as they always are seemingly every single event, including the Eagles, which Eagles at the sphere. Eagles are the band your dad listened to. You know what I'm saying? Like I like the Eagles, love the Eagles, like some of their music very much.

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But there wasn't a lot seen at the Eagles. Do you know what I'm talking about? It was like endless reunion tours where you had to pay $700 to go see them at the local arena. Anyway, you get it. Kenny Chesney, cool, that kind of fits the motif a little bit, you know, people hanging out beforehand and afterwards, big party scene, I can see that being a sphere kind of thing.

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Oh, they have scents there? They do. Do they have the wind?

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Oh, they do? Oh, very interesting. From behind the screen, they have these big fans?

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Oh, it's at your seats and it blows up. Oh, it's like one of those Disney World rides. 5D is what they called it. 5D. 5 dicks coming at you. Okay, cool. But what some people pointed out, or what one article specifically pointed out, was it seemed an awful lot like those visuals reminded them of the visuals from the most recent Grateful Dead stand, excuse me, the dead stand there.

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And they did a little comparing. They went through and they looked at some videos and they said, this visual and that visual, this scene and that scene. And while some of the details were swapped out, like in one scene specifically, with the dead, you would go through into a box of old backstage passes.

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Tickets.

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Well, Kenny Chesney had the exact same thing, only the details were swapped out. Right. It was like a more generic kind of thing for Kenny Chesney, where the dead had like specific dates and times and places they had played. So there were a lot of these comparisons, you know, scene for scene almost. And he was like, well, what's up with that? And then that led to further digging.

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So when the sphere was put together, this sphere is like a seven and a half billion dollar gargantuan tech project essentially.

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Es ist in 16K, es hat Millionen und Billionen von LEDs, du weißt, 10.000 Hörer, egal wo du sitzt, die Hörer bewegen dich in die Richtung, du bekommst den selben Geräusch, alles. Wir haben es erlebt. Es ist eine technologische Marve, ist es, innen und außen. But the challenge on the inside is that you literally have to create a half a sphere of visuals in 16K.

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You can't just take a couple of pictures and blow them up and hope that they fit inside the sphere. They have to be rendered in incredible detail to fit the screen and the projector so that it works seamlessly. So you get that sensation that you're inside of whatever you're seeing or inside of whatever it is.

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So a company, I think out of Toronto, started specializing in building these scenes. When U2 was the first one to bite off, they said, okay, we'll do a residency there. They were the first ones. It reportedly costs $400,000 per song to create the visuals.

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Now, I checked this and double-checked this in multiple places while we were sitting here to confirm that this is what Bono had said on a Reddit AMA, that it costs $400,000 per song. Per song! Per song! How in the world do you make any fucking money when you're paying $400,000 per song?

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Now, as Chrissy pointed out, probably the guy who owns the Sphere, the company who owns the Sphere, probably said to you to... It's the Live Nation guy. Yeah. Okay, you go do... Or no, Madison Square Garden.

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He probably said to the visuals company... I'll tell you what. I'll give you a cut of every ticket. I'll give you licensing rights on the imagery. And he probably said to you, too, I'll give you six million dollars to play with, you know, an advance just for visual six million bucks. Go knock yourselves out. Let's make it the best that it can be, because it's going to be the best marketing ever.

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If we start getting a bunch of Instagram videos showing how just how crazy this can be. And I bet that's how it works.

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Yeah, they lost money and they're probably losing money still. Because Chrissy and I were thinking about Phish. Four nights, ten songs a night, never repeating the same song. That's 40 songs. I'm doing quick math in my head. That's 160 billion dollars it costs. Billion, with a B, to create the visuals for that. To create the visuals for that. Um...

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Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

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160 Billionen Dollar, um das Visual nur für Fisch zu machen. Und das ist eine unglaubliche Menge Geld, die man durch Ticketsales nicht verkaufen kann. Das wird nicht passieren. Also muss es sein. Ich sage das mit null Punkt überhaupt, aber um zu beurteilen, dass das ein riesiger Wettbewerb ist, den dieser Typ nimmt. But it seems to be paying off in his favor.

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Because everyone wants to go to the Sphere and see a concert.

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I know, down at the Gulch. Yeah. Atlanta, I know the guys who are... I know the company, because I did business with them, who was building the Gulch, CIM, the Sim Group, out of Los Angeles. One of the world's largest private developers. And they bought essentially a big hole in the ground.

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Atlanta was some of it, where the Mercedes-Benz Stadium, formerly the Georgia Dome, Phillips Arena, now State Farm Arena, and some other things were built on top of of old train tracks, a train depot, if you would. There's a big train depot right outside of town. Like, you know, train tracks for days where they switch out cars. That's why Atlanta is what it is. It was a big train.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us. Here we are. I'm reading an interesting article that Tina sent me about spitting and how spitting is the new hot kink.

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It was called Terminus. Terminus. In the very beginning. Because all the trains would come here. If you're going through the southeast or anywhere up the coast, you would come to Atlanta first, you know, connect your train car thingies and then go, I don't know, I don't know what happens. Something about that.

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So all these train tracks run right through some of the busiest part of the city, the most desirable land in the city. So what did they do? They built a big platform on top of it, on top of these train tracks, and then they just started building stuff on top of it. Like State Farm Arena, the Georgia Dome, the Mercedes-Benz Stadium, hotels.

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Ja.

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Ja. Ja.

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No, that's the right word.

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Unglaublich. Ja, weil wir nur Teil von Multi-City sind, oder? Ja, es ist Multi-City. Es ist Mexiko in den Vereinigten Staaten und es gibt ein Billion Spiele, die passieren. Wir bekommen sechs. Wir bekommen nicht mal das Beste der Spiele. Wir bekommen, weißt du, die Semi-Semi-Semi-Finals. Es ist so kompliziert.

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What in the fuck are we talking about?

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Ja.

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But man, do I get excited about it every time.

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Yeah, move. That's what I would do. Move. Move to the Gulch. I'm sure it's going to be cheap.

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I know. I'm excited because when I worked in commercial real estate and I was working with Sim Group, they were in the bidding process. And the guys who worked there, they were very excited. And they were spending a lot of money on other people's developments, like lending money to other people to build all around that.

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If it was within earshot of the Gulch, they were spending money on it because they were buying in big to that part of town. Und es wird eine riesige, coole Sache für die Stadt sein, denke ich. Es ist. Ein weiterer Grund, nach Atlanta zu kommen. Wenn du nicht genug Grund hast, weil Atlanta eine coole Stadt ist, ist das noch ein weiterer Grund, um zu besuchen. Und wenn du das tust, lass uns wissen.

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So people were like spitting in each other's mouths?

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Und wir werden dir sagen, wo wir Abendessen haben. Somebody the other day said, hey, I'm coming to Atlanta. And I was like, cool, we'll all be out of town, because we really were. But then I didn't know what to say. Like, cool, do you want to come over? I don't know. I mean, I want you to tell me you're coming to town. I'm not being a dick.

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I just, I didn't know what the appropriate thing to say was.

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Yeah, because if you say, hey, you want to get together for a beer? Then are you being like weird?

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Like, is that weird? I don't know. And I don't drink beer right now.

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No, they said they were traveling somewhere, like somewhere close. And they might stop by Atlanta on this particular day. And you and I were both out of town. We were not available on those days that they were traveling. But I didn't really know what to say to, hey, I might swing by Atlanta. Like, oh, cool. You know, I'm sorry, but you can't come by the house. My wife would never allow that.

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But even if I said, okay, cool, let's go meet. I mean, I might not be totally opposed to it, but let's do that, maybe like a group situation. Everybody gets together. One of the things I thought would be cool, if we did, is from time to time, from occasion to occasion, you and I shout out where we're going to be, like with a little bit of time, like ahead of time, couple weeks ahead of time.

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And if people are in the area, we can all meet up and talk to each other.

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We're going to be at the bar. Oh, we're going to be at the bar. In two weeks, we're going to see this show, we're going to be at that bar, we're going to be doing this thing.

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Yeah, well, we almost did do a dive bar tour.

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That went in the notebook and right out the door. My body literally revolted against the dive bar tour. It said, oh yeah, here's a tumor for you.

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My body won't let it happen, literally. Even when my brain says yes, my body says no. It says, nope, here's a tumor. Recover from that one. Nope, go get your neck cut open, buddy. Alright, we'll go talk about more unfulfilled promises right after. Oh, we're funny. Right after this. We'll be back.

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You listen to two seconds of the commercial break, then you know this. Brian is generally grossed out by any bodily fluid. You are. Pee, pee, poo, poo, tee, tee, da, da. Puke, spit, snot, earwax, all of it. I don't care. All of it makes me disgusted. I'm disgusted by body hair. And I have so much of it, you don't even understand. It is a constant grooming going on in my house.

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Oh my gosh, I'm watching everybody on Instagram massage their face. Are you massaging your face yet? Are you doing this?

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Nein, nicht Face Yoga. Das ist wie... Das Lymphatische.

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Ich habe Knöpfe in meinem Knie. Ich habe Knöpfe in meinen Beinen. Ich habe Knöpfe in meinem Gehirn. Ich habe Knöpfe in meinen Augen.

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Ja. Es ist wie der neueste, hottest Fad. Ich habe nur jemanden gelesen, der sich in das für einen Minuten beschäftigt. Jeder ist in dem für einen Minuten beschäftigt, weil es einfach angefangen hat, überall rüber zu springen. Und sie sagten, ich habe eine Geheimtechnik, die Sie nutzen können, um die Form Ihrer Gesichter mit Massage zu verändern.

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DM me, you know, I want to know more for, you know, the secret link, which to me smells of MLM. Do you know what I'm saying? It really does.

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Yes, buy more face massagers, right? Or this secret technique. And if you can get 10 friends to buy the secret technique, then you can profit off their 10 people to buy the secret technique. Yeah, like affiliate marketing. Listen, some affiliate marketing is legit, completely legit.

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Some affiliate marketing really, they do sell products and people want those products and you're just a salesperson for that organization. But a lot of it is kind of scammy bullshit. But what's up with the face massage? We're doing that now? We're going to sell MLM face massaging? Come on. I'm not opposed to face massaging.

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A very dramatic interpretation of what can happen. But this same girl who's doing all this face massaging, she is... I'm not sure she's well. You know what I'm saying? So I'm not going to give names or anything like that. I'm just not sure. I don't know. I mean, are any of us really all that well at the end of the day? I think all of us are behind closed doors or basket cases, quite frankly.

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We got our own cup of noodles that we're sucking from. And... Let me give you an example of one of the posts.

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I know I do. I know I do. Because I tend to be attracted to that kind of craziness. Not like attracted sexually or physically, but attracted like, oh, that's very interesting.

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Yes, the guy, oily chest hair guy. Hey, listen, if that's your thing, that's your thing. If you're into oily chest hair, cool. How did it end up on my Instagram? I don't know. I've never shown a proclivity for oily chest hair.

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My daughter is fascinated watching me groom my body. She's like, why, da, da? I'm like, you'll know when you get older. Okay. And then I see this guy on Instagram. He has got such a large amount of chest hair. You've never seen anything like it. He gets in the shower or he oils it up and he'll stick the phone right on his belly.

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I hate body hair. Maybe that's how it knew. Maybe it heard me telling my daughter that I hate body hair. So this girl who's doing, one of the girls who's doing face massaging, right? She put out a post the other day. And the post was, she had taken a screenshot of a note on her iPhone. And that said something about SZA, BZA, WZA, WOO. I love me and you love you.

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Ink by somebody, tattoo by somebody else. Love your body, blah, blah, blah. Okay, all right. So a completely random, Nonsensical. Mismatch of words. Mismatch of words. Almost like a stream of consciousness that clearly points to maybe not well. But it's a reel. So it's a screenshot. There's a song playing.

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And the next scene is a photograph of her naked, bending down, like she's popping a squat, like she's about to take a dump, with her fist in her mouth. All the way in her mouth. Right? And I was like, What is that? That's so unattractive. Why do you have your fist in your mouth and it looks like you're about to take a shit on the ground. What is that? Right?

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The very next post that she put out, like 10 minutes after that, is her sitting on her couch massaging her face, telling everybody the health benefits of massaging your face. It goes through your head. When one post says a whiz a wop a woo, look at my beautiful tattoo, I'm taking a dump on the floor. And then massage your face, you can change the shape of it, literally. I don't understand.

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She's gotten OnlyFans. So, yeah. She's gotten OnlyFans. And she often puts out... She'll put out sales for her OnlyFans.

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Like a Memorial Day sale? Yes. Oh, wow. Like, you know, 35% off the next 15 people that go to my OnlyFans. One like. And it's like, are you going to get all 15 in there? I don't know. You're kind of rooting for her. I am rooting for her. Because I feel her pain. Yeah. It's competitive. Yes, it's competitive. That fucking algorithm just fucks you. I was talking to Chad about that last night.

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Thank you. Ich habe gesagt, hey, Chet, warum kann ich keine meiner Reels, außer fünf von ihnen, über ein paar hunderttausend Views und vielleicht 5.000 Likes bekommen? Und es kam mit einer Liste von Gedanken darüber, richtig? Was waren das? Now, could that have happened? Yes. We have talked a lot of shit about Mark Zuckerberg on this show.

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But I don't think we've posted a lot of posts about Mark Zuckerberg. As a matter of fact, I only found one where we were talking shit about Mark Zuckerberg. But could be that once you talk about Mark, you just don't get the juice. You just don't get the juice. Yes. Maybe if I start putting a fist in my mouth and look like I'm taking a Yahoo on the floor, then maybe...

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So what you're seeing is like his face through all the glistening chest hair. 75,000 likes. Brian tells a haha and he gets two likes on Instagram. This guy glistens up his chest hair and gets 75,000 likes.

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I am going to start filming that grooming routine. That is exactly what I'm going to do. Because if people want chest hair, I've got that all day long. What I'm going to do is I'm going to let it grow for like three months. And then you're going to see the commercial break. You won't be able to do that.

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You know, the first time I got married, Oh, dein Haar. Ja, mein Haar. Dein Haarhaar. Ja, genau. Of all the arguments that Julia and I had, that was one of the worst. Because she was like, the fuck? Now you cannot grow it back. We don't have time. It's not going to happen. And I thought to myself, we got so many bigger fish to fry than my hair. But okay, if we're upset about that, let's do that.

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You know, I don't know. There's something irritating to me about having all of that.

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And you know. I would grow it out maybe, maybe for like a charitable reason, maybe. But even then, I think even if I was doing some good, I don't think there's enough good that I could do that would get me past all the irritation of having hair.

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Yes, Merkin, yes.

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That's so girly. Merkin, Merkin. You wanna put my hair on your dick? Call me. 212-433-3TCB You'd probably get some likes on that. Oh, I bet I would. And you know I would sell some. There are some freaky deekies out there. Probably in our audience. I bet there's some people in our audience who'd be like, I'll take your hair. I'm gonna be in Atlanta.

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Maybe I do. Maybe I do. I'm going to talk to Chad about that.

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Thank God I don't have any crypto to get kidnapped with on that one. Anyway, gonna start massaging my face and growing out my hair. Maybe that's why my hair is receding, is because I'm not massaging my head enough.

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Ah, du hast vergessen. At least I wasn't getting spit on. I could have spit on my head.

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Here, kids, spit on my head.

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One of them did. They almost made it. I like ducked. I was like driving under the wheel. I'm like... Oh, it made it everywhere. Everywhere. Back of seat, front of seat, back of house, front of house, it was everywhere.

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I should film my grooming. Well, I just got permission to go live on TikTok. I had asked for this for months and months. So I thought what I would do is maybe go live on TikTok while I'm editing the show and let people watch me edit the show. And then I thought, what a snooze fest, Brian. Who fucking cares? No one cares about the show, let alone editing the show. You dipshit.

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It's gone.

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We licked it and yeah, we washed that chair off nice and good. My stepmom had something you hook up to the hose that sprays like a bleachy soap for like the house, you know, cleaning the house, mildew, mold, all that stuff. Oh, we attacked it. We were out there for an hour cleaning that damn seat. May 31st 10 a.m. Wir haben einen guten Plan. And listen, planning is half the battle.

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Executing is the other half, so just stay tuned. 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Text us questions, comments, concerns, contents, ideas, or if you would like to join us on TCB's Endless Day, text us and we'll do our best to coordinate that. Do our best to coordinate that. Okay Chrissy, that's all I can do for today. I think so.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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I bet you a thousand bucks I'd get a million views on that. I'd be made fun of mercilessly, but at least I'd get some views. Just chasing those views. Vapid and endlessly sad as I am. So, I just don't like bodily fluid. And I don't like the thought of... I like the thought of kissing my wife. I don't mind her saliva. There's nothing wrong with it. As well as other... Ja, genau.

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What did they have for dinner? Do you even know? Do you know where that mouth has been? Are they the kind of person who would suck off the teat of a public water fountain? What kind of human is throwing their tonsil juice down the back of your throat? Stop it. Stop it already. Everyone's acting like children around here. That's what children do. They spit in each other's mouths. Not adults.

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We're stopping it right now. Everybody cut it out. If you're into this, I want to hear from you so I can give you a good talking to. Like your Papa. Like your great uncle. I'm going to talk to you and tell you that there are... Yes. We don't have a CDC anymore alerting us to diseases running around the world. Did you know that? Did you know that? They stopped alerting...

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They cut out that part. It does make sense. Why do we need to know about the next deng-gong fever that's coming from far-flung Antarctica? Fuckers. So this is the perfect time to be having the spit kink come flying out of the woodwork. Dumbasses, what are we doing?

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Spit King, let me tell you something about what happened over the weekend and I'll explain to you why I have a little bit of unease about bodily fluids. We're driving to my father's house for the holiday in the old family truckster, the 1922... Wood-paneled SUV. Even if it was worth any money, it's not worth anything now because there's Cheerios that have literally become part of the leather.

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You think I'm joking.

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Die Go-Gurts. Oh, die Go-Gurts. Die müssen gesund sein für dich. 72 Gramm Zucker. Sie sind Wasser. Sie sind seltsam konsistent. Joghurt sollte etwas Fluff haben. Es sollte nicht einfach aus dem Joghurt fließen. We're driving.

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Sometimes, even though Astrid and I have some pretty strict rules around screens in the house, like you can watch TV in the family room when everybody else is watching it, and you cannot watch YouTube or short videos. You can watch long format, half hour, hour, two hour long movies. There's just some general rules we have to try and save some semblance of sanity for our children.

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Now, we're not 100% great at it, but we're pretty good at it, I think. We've learned. We tried. Yeah.

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That's right. When I think about trying, I think about Brian. When I think about trying, I think about Brian.

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I like it too. So, we get in the car, all 30 of us, smushing everybody in with, you gotta imagine, it's Astrid and I in the front seat and then just a row of different sized chairs.

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Yeah, a couple rows, but there's different sized chairs, you know, booster seats and car seats and baby seats, all this other shit that's back there that are... Like Tetris. My wife plays Tetris to get those things to fit in exactly how they are. You have to Google it. You have to make the combination. There are whole YouTube personalities.

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Yes, there are YouTube personalities that tell you which chairs... They do like, they honestly, it's Tetris, it's a math. Do you have a three-year-old plus a seven-year-old plus a two-year-old plus a one-year-old plus a baby plus a dog? Here's the best car for you and I'm going to tell you the exact seats you need to get and how you put them in there. And they do it. And it's a niche.

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And they do it very well. And my wife loves one of the ladies. It's like the car lady, the car girl, whatever, the car mom or something like that. And she's really good at what she does. Millions and millions of people watch this lady review cars and how you can coordinate to put seats in there for moms and dads and all. Okay.

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So, this second row right behind Astrid and I is one of these Tetris put in exactly the way it's supposed to be kind of things. So you can't move them. They're hard to buckle, but if you can manage to get your hand beneath it, then you can pick up it.

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Yes. Exactly. You have to be double-jointed. It's likely you're going to get a bruise on your arm just sticking it in between there. But you'll get the seat buckled and you'll probably get a Mickey Mouse toy and some kind of old ice cream from McDonald's or something like that on your hand in the meantime. Nein. Nein.

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Because then they're just going to irritate the shit out of you, asking you every two seconds, when do we eat, I have to go to the bathroom, or when do we get there. Now, none of those things are pressing when they have a screen in front of them. All of a sudden, they don't have to pee, they're not hungry, and it doesn't matter what time we get there. It's magic. It's a distraction.

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It's parenting by distraction. And any good parent knows that that's a good technique. So we give the kids, including the youngest one, the iPad, and we say, okay... Here we go. We get in the car, we go. It's Memorial Day weekend. There's a lot of traffic. We're sitting in that traffic. Stop and go, stop and go, stop and go on the highway. We haven't even made it a tenth of the way up there.

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We've been in the car for like 30, 35 minutes. And finally it clears up a little bit. Here we go. We're going 80 miles per hour in the HOV lane, zooming down. And I'm like, okay, it's going to take us a while to get there, but at least we're moving now. And I hear my daughter, the youngest one. It sounds a little weird to me. Like my dad's spidey sense goes off.

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And I turn around and she's like behind Astrid. So I turn around and look at her. I'm like, you okay? Yeah, daddy. And I'm like, I look at Astrid and I go, she's gonna vomit. Because I know she's gonna vomit. Because that's a weird cough that came out of nowhere. And Astrid goes, she's not gonna vomit. Oh, Gott. Oh, nein. Oh, nein. Spraying everywhere like something out of a sci-fi movie.

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And I'm like, I'm going 80 miles per hour down the HOV line. Here I got my blinker on. I'm going over the double yellow line. I'm... I'm not gonna kill anybody, but I'm moving as quick as I can, because I see an exit, and it's coming quick, and if I pass it, it's another three miles, and we're gonna have to live with what is the most unbelievable smell you have ever smelled.

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My oldest child is like, Dad!

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Shut up!

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That's what I said. I go, it's not about you, it's about her. Meanwhile, she's like... Oh, God. Just like four really just vomitous, disgusting layers of crap everywhere. And it smells like what vomit smells like. Yeah, it does. That smell that is embedded into the back of our throats. We all know it. It's terrible. I hate it. I hate it. I roll down all the windows.

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I zoom over 5, 6, 7, 12 lanes, whatever it is in Atlanta. There's like 12 lanes on each one. I zoom over, I manage to get in, like, I'm doing exactly what I hate what people do, and that is rolling over those, you know, the very last second about to hit the median just so I can get over. Und ich tue, und wir drücken drüber, und Astrid ist so, oh mein Gott, und ich bin so, was brauchen wir?

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Was brauchen wir? Und sie ist so, wir brauchen ein paar Wipes, also stopp an dieser Gasstation. Und ich bin so, das braucht mehr als Wipes. Wir brauchen etwas mehr als das.

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Ich öffne meine, ich öffne meine, genau, das ist, was wir brauchen, ist eine Hose. Aber, weißt du, wo wirst du eine Hose finden, richtig? Und ich öffne meine Google Maps, oder meine, was auch immer, und ich sage, A, finde mich in der nahesten Groceriestore. Da ist eine Walmart, fünf Meilen weg.

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Ja. Weil was wir sitzen, ist eine Rinky-Dink-Gasstation, wo es wahrscheinlich Pakete von Wipes gibt, die zehn Jahre alt sind und ausgeräumt sind. Und sie werden mir 38 Dollar kosten. Und ich bin so, oh mein Gott, okay, lass uns einfach gehen. Fenster, Sonnenabdeckung, alles ist runter. Einer meiner Kinder ist in der Tasche, nur, du weißt, klagend.

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Jetzt der Geruch, er sagt immer, mein Ältester sagt immer, Dad, the smell is really bad. And I'm like, now I'm getting gaggy. I'm like, I know. I know. I know. And I'm like, just look forward. Put your head out the window. I don't care. We'll get there. We pull into the Walmart parking lot. We park way over in the side where there's nobody. Und ich bin so, okay. Und Astrid weiß es bereits.

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Sie weiß bereits, dass ich nicht derjenige bin, der da zurückgeht und das Puken anfängt. Also bin ich so, was brauchen wir? Also machen wir eine Liste, du weißt, Wäsche, Papiertaschen, Spraybottle, äh, was auch immer. Ich gehe rein, so schnell wie ich kann, komme wieder raus mit Sachen, wie viel mehr, als ich jemals benötigen würde, aber nur in der Lage, Klappen, Masken.

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And Astrid's already pretty much taken care of a lot of it. She has a whole grocery bag full of napkins, paper towels and everything. And I'm like, oh my God. But I can see the smell is so bad.

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The movie, they have the two commentators, one who's the straight guy, right? And I don't say straight, like literally, I mean, he's like the straight man. He tells you about the facts. He's not funny. And then they always have some, in the Best in Show, they have a terribly goofy guy who's saying crazy shit.

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Oh, no. Not Eugene Levy. What was his name? I know. His son now does the... Oh, I can't remember. Anyway, you know, he was wonderful.

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Yeah, he was hilarious. But when you watch the Kennel of Dogs, and watch it this year, guys and girls, watch it, because you realize that the reason why Best in Show is so funny is because it's actually true. There's one loose cannon on the group who's always saying crazy shit. And the other guy's job is to kind of pretend like it didn't happen. It is really funny to me. It has become comedy.

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What are you doing for Thanksgiving? Are you going to be at home?

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You're hanging out?

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They're coming in town? They're going to stay for a couple of days?

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Oh, that's great.

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Are you going to put up the tree? I am. Okay, we've got our tree up for three weeks.

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I don't know why.

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Yeah, I think you're right about that. I think it was like, well, this is a terribly depressing time of life. I really love the country that I used to live in. Yeah. But now Matt Gates is going to determine whether or not I go to the bathroom. So you know what? I'll go ahead and do that. So I decided, let's just get it. Let's do it. Let's put it up.

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Let's mask our depression for the kids with a little bit of joy. And we have loved it. It's been great. We've had it up for two and a half weeks now. It's nice to turn the corner and see the lights, the tree, the decorations, the stockings.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Christy and I currently depressing ourselves here in the studio watching my 600-pound life on TLC. Das ist wirklich furchtbar. But sometimes I might come across that way. But the reality is that on my 600-pound life, these people, I'm explaining to Chrissy.

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I'm the last one to bed at night often. And so I'm the one to turn off the Christmas tree. So oftentimes it's dark everywhere else in the house, except for that Christmas tree. And there is something about that. If we could just get a snow, if we could just get a snow, but you know, it's 2024. So I don't think it snows anywhere anymore.

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First of all, second of all, I think there's a hurricane coming, if I'm not mistaken. It's crazy.

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That's it. Alright, we'll have lots more to talk about. Fill your upcoming holiday with a lot of joy. More depressing talk about food comas coming up after this.

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While you're at it Maybe shoot us a text at 212-433-3TCB or leave us a voicemail spilling your guts and asking for advice. You can also check out our website tcbpodcast.com if you feel like perusing our catalog or if you're just bored. Now let's listen to some sponsors because they keep me paid.

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You know, we didn't get a chance to talk about this last week, but did you hear that The Onion has purchased Infowars and all of its assets and its website and stuff like that? Now, my dad actually was very confused about what all of this was. He was really confused. And, you know, my dad is not an Alex Jones type of guy in any way, shape or form.

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He asked, while we were watching the Paul Tyson fight, he said, oh, what is he doing? Who is this guy who is doing this? And I said, oh, dad, let me give you the rundown. Alex Jones is way out there. I mean, by any standards, he's way out there.

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I am not claiming that everything, I'm not stating that everything Alex Jones has ever said is untrue or that there isn't a bit of truth to some of the stuff that he says. I have listened to hours of Alex Jones, simply for research purposes. I want to know what the crazies are doing, just in case they come to my house.

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And I will have to say that sometimes Alex Jones will strike upon something that does to me ring a little bit true. But I'm not going to repeat any of those things here because I don't know them to be true. But Alex Jones is a noted conspiracy theorist. He has Infowars.

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He is this guy who claimed that there was that some of these school shootings were simply black flag attacks, meaning that they were either recreated whole cloth, like a Like faking going to the moon. Faking a school shooting. To get people on board with gun reform. Or that they were crisis actors involved in the shooting. That is insanity of the highest level.

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It is terribly destructive to the people who are actually affected by these things. And everybody fucking knows it. Including Alex. If there's one thing that I think about Alex... Es ist, dass er seine eigene Scheiße nicht glaubt. Ich denke, er ist smart genug, um anders zu wissen. Und ich denke, er weiß, dass er nur auf einem Geld-Train, einem Gravier-Train, der es schwierig ist, wegzukommen.

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Also geht er immer verrückter und verrückter und mehr und mehr laut und mehr und mehr verrückter. Und Alex, übrigens, hat seine eigene Litanie von persönlichen Problemen in seinem eigenen Leben. Wir werden nicht dazu eingehen.

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Just know that because he said these things about the crisis actors and all this other shit, the families of this school shooting, Sandy Hook, they decided to sue him and they won a judgment against him for a billion dollars plus. A billion with a B.

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Nun, manche Leute haben festgestellt, dass Alex-Jones-Empire, Quote-unquote, Alex-Jones-Empire, 300 Millionen Dollar wert ist, aber sicher nicht ein Billion. Und er hat TV-Studios und all diese Sachen, wo er all diese Scheiße produziert hat.

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Auch einige seiner eigenen Produzenten kamen raus und sagten, dass sie beurteilt wurden, diese Scheiße zu magnifizieren, und dass er es selbst nie geglaubt hat. Es war nur, als der Gravy-Train begann, konnte er nicht stoppen. Aber das Unschuldige ist, dass Ja. So anyway, people were, it's a whole thing, you know it. Okay, so Onion, so in order to pay off this debt. Ja, genau.

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Because it's just a URL and some old TV equipment. That's all it is. And Alex has moved on and he will start a new thing and they will be chasing him for the rest of his life for every dollar that he gets. Just like they're doing with Giuliani right now. Rudy Giuliani right now.

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I know, he's running around. Hiding. Makeup melting off his face. Hiding in different locations. Stuffing jewelry in his pockets. I mean, what a fall. What a fall, Giuliani. It could have been so different for you. Could have been so different for you. But Alex will now suffer the same fate, doing the same thing.

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People are usually over 600 pounds. There's few doctors in the country that will operate on someone this big because of all of the inherent dangers in operating on someone that's so unhealthy and got so many problems internally and externally, including skin problems, organ failure, diabetes, high blood pressure, whatever it is they have going on.

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And eventually people will just stop listening to him altogether, because that's what happens. And that's what's going to happen. That's what's already happening.

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Yeah, he already moved over to a new platform. He's got a new thing. Oh, God.

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Aber die Sache ist, dass jedes Mal, dass Alex so geknockt wird, wie er sich auf Facebook, dann auf Twitter, dann auf was auch immer, dann auf was auch immer, und dann war er einfach, die Leute mussten auf die Website gehen, um ihn zu sehen, und es wurde in einigen anderen Plätzen disseminiert, wie einige, du weißt, mehr konservative Social-Media-Plattformen, ich bin sicher, wie Truth Social und Telegram und so.

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Aber Ich kann nicht warten. Ich denke, das ist ein bisschen süßes Gerechtigkeit für diese Familien. Und, äh, du weißt, hör mal, äh, ich wünsche mir keine Unruhe persönlich gegen, äh, jemanden, außer für Alex Jones. Ja.

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Ich meine, wenn ich einen Interesse an dem Kerl hatte oder an dem er jemals gesagt hat, wurde er nach dieser schrecklichen Tragödie ausgeworfen, weil das einfach so war, als ob er über den Pfeil gegangen wäre. Ich meine, er hat es viel zu weit genommen. way too far. Meanwhile, all these, I'm selling supplements all day long. Alex Jones, super testosterone booster 3000. He sells supplements.

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That's what he does. And, guess what he sells? The silver stuff? Silver, yes.

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Es gibt einen ganzen Film darüber. Ja. Es gibt eine Frau, die gerade im Grunde nur Silber trinkt, weil sie nur kolloidales Silber trinkt, bis sie blau im Gesicht war. Erinnerst du dich an Teresa? Ja. War das Teresa jemand?

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Oh, there was a dude. Some people I see on Facebook that I used to go to those parties with seem like they're turning silver. Remember, I had a friend who was like terribly sick, kept claiming he was the most healthy person in the world. Meanwhile, getting a surgery every third day. And then I think he turned silver at one point. And now no one hears from him anymore. I hope he's okay.

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Honestly, I do. But he did turn silver. He was blind. So he couldn't see that he was turning silver. Oh. But he was turning silver and people were saying stuff on Facebook to him. They were like, hey dude, you're turning silver. And he would be like, fuck you. You're the big state. Deep news. Okay, alright brother. Well, turn silver then. Sorry about your silver. Sorry about your silver skin.

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Speaking of Facebook and social media and platforms, it is official, the commercial break has de-platformed, decoupled from Facebook. We are no longer on Facebook. We have deleted the page.

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I think we never did post there.

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We posted a few times at the very beginning. We got a couple hundred people that followed us. And then we decided to focus our energy elsewhere. But I am over it. So over it. It is a dead platform. It is all bots and old people at this point. And occasionally one of my crazy friends posting something. Yeah, it's a good place to like send along a message like if you're getting engaged or... Ja.

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You can't be 600 pounds and not have health problems. So they come in and he'll say, okay, I'm putting you on a program. It's the Dr. Now's Out and Program. You're going to go from probably consuming 15 to 20,000 calories a day to consuming 1,200 calories a day, eating high protein, low carbohydrates or no carbohydrates. And then they... Denn das ist ein Problem in ihrem Kopf.

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Ja. Ja. So, Facebook is gone. Breaking news. No breaking news whatsoever. But just know that if you were following us on Facebook, it's not there anymore. Or it won't be there. I think it takes like 10 days for it to actually wash itself from the platform. So get your jollies now and go look at posts from 2020.

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So, if you give a shit about any of that stuff, go look at it now, because it's all gonna be gone really, really, really soon. You know, I do have to say this, that I'm proud of myself, Chrissy. I'll tell you why I'm proud of myself. Very rarely am I proud of myself, but today I am. Please do tell. Okay, alright, here it goes.

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There was a time, and this is gonna sound ridiculous, but just follow me here. There was a time when I could walk into like a restaurant cooler or open someone's refrigerator or something like that and I would see a can of whipped cream and the first thing I would think is Whippets. Let's do Whippets.

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Do you remember that? Yeah, yeah. Okay, alright. I know that lots of people are still doing that. I think I told you that the... Yeah, no, the local, all the vape stores.

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You used to have to go to a fish concert. It was someone's dad who was a dentist to get... Aber es ist nicht so, dass, du weißt, ich kenne das persönlich nicht, aber ich kenne jemanden, der einen dieser Kanister aus einem Headshop gekauft hat. Und sie sagten, dass es für irgendeinen Grund nicht ganz das gleiche war.

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Und ich denke, es ist, weil sie nur den Food Grade verkaufen können, nicht den medizinischen Grade. Das macht Sinn. Nitrous Oxide, richtig. Aber für diejenigen, die nicht wissen, Whipped Cream in einer Schüssel hat Nitrous-Oxid, das Lachs-Gas, das selbe, was du am Klinikum bekommst. Und das ist so, wie sie es kalt und kompresst, so wie das.

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Und so jetzt in vielen Staaten, wie in Georgia, kannst du es einfach kaufen. Du kannst ganze Schüsseln davon kaufen, Botteln davon, große Tanks davon. Ja. But you can't get the medical grade stuff, like the actual strong laughing gas, 100% laughing gas, unless you have a license to do so. And I do know that there's lots of people that can do that too. I don't think it's hard.

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I think you just have to prove that for some good reason you're using nitrous oxide, which I think you just manufacture some paper. I'm not telling you how to do it. I'm just saying you might be able to do it. Stay tuned, kids. I'll show you how to do all the illegal stuff. Aber es gab ein Zeitpunkt in meinem Leben, als Nitrous-Oxid durch eine Whipped-Cream-Kanne wirklich schwer zu ignorieren war.

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Es erinnert mich an eine Geschichte, dass wir, wenn wir bei Chili arbeiteten, durch Whipped-Cream-Kanne gehen würden, wie es war. Ich meine, für die Desserts, weil jeder Dessert mit Whipped-Cream-Kanne enthalten war. Du könntest durch zehn Kannen von diesem Ding auf einem mühsamen Sonntagabend gehen. Keine Scheiße.

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Because just think of all the desserts, they got all the whipped cream and, you know, then kids put extra whipped cream and, you know, sometimes you make like whipped cream pie, like just whipped cream, that's it, on a bowl and send it to the kid.

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But one time the general manager had to, when I was working there, had to have a conversation with the staff because people were just going in there and doing... And stuffing it. Yes, like whole boxes of Whip It were getting... Lost, because basically we were taking all the nitrous oxide. I say we, because I was included in that. We're taking all the nitrous oxide out of it.

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It was something fun to do in the middle of your shift. Just go and get a quick whip it and then you come back and wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. So, for years, when I was younger, a whipped cream can was not something you passed by, it was something you huffed, right? That was just the way that it was. I mean, I don't know about you, right? But for me, right? Okay, but I was so proud of myself.

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Es ist ein obsessives, kompulsive Bedürfnis, zu essen. Es ist ein Art von unabhängigem Essen. Und du hast es nicht so geschafft, weil, du weißt, alles ist sonnig und brennend in deinem Kopf. Du hast es so geschafft, weil etwas passiert, unter all diesem. Und Dr. Nalzard weiß das. Also sagt er ihnen, dass sie in einem Monat oder zwei 50 oder 60 Pound verlieren. Dann kommst du zurück und siehst mich.

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Now, I haven't been tempted by a whipped cream can in a long time. I know there's better ways to do it, if I want to do it. Is this the proud part? This is the proud part. The other day I was at my dad's and I opened up the refrigerator door and they had been to Costco and they had bought a whole box of whipped cream in a can, like 20 bottles, right?

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And I looked at it and just for a second I was like, ah, everybody's sleeping. No one will notice when the whipped cream is all watery when it comes out. Yeah. Because Brian huffed all the stuff. No one will notice that I'm outside with my pants off. Howling at the moon. No one will notice. But I was so proud of myself because I was like, nah, you're too old for that shit, Brian. You got kids now.

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You don't need to do that. So proud of myself. Like little victories, Chrissy. Tiny little victories. There was one time when we were in Athens and we were visiting a young lady, a hippie chick that her and I had been friends for many years. And we were visiting her in Athens where she was going to school. Me and my friend Eduardo were up there. And it was like a Thursday night or something.

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Not a lot to do. We didn't want to go to the bars. So we decided, let's do some whippets. So we went from head shop to head shop trying to figure out what they would give us at the time. The little cartridges. Mm.

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We went to Kroger and cleaned out every single whipped cream can that they had. And there was like 30, 40 whipped cream cans. And we put them in a bunch of baskets and we rolled it up to the front. And I'll never forget my dear friend who was like, you know, trying to pay for college with loans, broke out her credit card and we paid like $400. Oh mein Gott. Oh mein Gott.

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Many, many, many whipped cream cans all over the place.

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Oh man, that's the thing, is that nitrous oxide in that form will give you a fucking headache, because who knows what else it has in it. But listen, it's a good time for a couple of minutes. You know, you'll have fun. Das ist auch das andere, es dauert nicht sehr lange.

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Und dann lernt man, ich denke, was all das N-O-T für mich stoppt, außer wenn ich in den Arzt gehe und es will, weil ich den Arzt in meinem Mund nicht spüren will, was den Nitrous-Oxid für mich stoppt, ist, dass ich gelernt habe, wie schädlich es ist, dass deine echten Gehirnzellen. Ja. The reason why you feel the wah-wah-wah is not because of some magic ingredient in the nitrous oxide.

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Und wenn du das tust, dann werde ich dich für die Arztpraxis betrachten. But that almost never happens the first go around. On a very rare occasion, it does. Somebody's really got themselves together. You know, they really have decided, this is it, I'm done. And they figure it out the first go. But usually we're like two, three, four visits in.

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It's because it's starving your brain of oxygen. It's replacing the oxygen in your blood cells, making your brain go haywire for a second. And that's what it is. It turns out, you could, you know, what's that autoerotic asphyxiation? It's probably just the same. So go ahead and... Tie a rope to the back of the closet.

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Wild, fresh whipped cream. So next time you go to that family event and your mom says, can you pick me up some cool whip on the way? You say, no mom, it's whippets for me. That's the only way to go. And then at least get through dessert before you do the whippet. That's my suggestion to you, Chrissy. Those words to live by. Well, thank you. It is Thanksgiving.

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I thought I'd give a little wisdom to the kids. All right, we'll be back.

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In case you guys were wondering, I am currently trapped in the closet in the studio being forced to record liner after liner and I never get to leave. So help me by following us on Instagram at thecommercialbrick and on TikTok at tcbpodcast and go to our website tcbpodcast.com for more information about Brian and Chrissy and access to our massive catalog of video and audio episodes.

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Now please, text us at 212-433-3TCB and tell Brian and Chrissy to let me out of the closet.

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Are you into pickleball?

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Oh, your dad's playing pickleball.

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It is sweeping the nation. I'm just reading about how tennis and pickleball, they're at each other's throat a little bit because a lot of communities are changing their tennis courts into pickleball courts. And some people are up in arms about it. But the guy who leads the National Association of, I don't know, tennis people.

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decided, put out a statement and said that actually pickleball has been great for tennis too. Yeah. Because it's generated interest in ball-related sport in general. Yeah, court games. Hey, listen, I, you know, I'm I've played pickleball once. It's fine. I've played tennis a lot. It's fine also. Neither of my favorite sport to play, but it's not bad.

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However, what I saw yesterday on Instagram was, did you see that guy who kicked the other guy in the head playing a pickleball match? No. Es sind Doppelteile, also vier Damen spielen. Und der Match ist vorbei. Und einer Mann schreit laut, ja, schau dir das an, wir haben gewonnen. Und er geht, um die Hände zu schlagen, mit den anderen zwei.

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Er drückt sein Paddel und wenn er es holt, verliert einer der Jungs das Team. Er hat ihn geschlagen? Ich meine, er hat ihn geschlagen. Er hat ihn in den Kopf geschlagen. Und es war sehr bedrohlich. Ich war so, wow, holy fucking shit. Das ist Bad sportsmanship. Yeah, that's bad sportsmanship. That's not fun for anybody, is it? Is it? Do I have to go there? No.

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And Dr. Niles Arden will tell them like it is, point blank. He will always give them this speech. You are very fat, you're going to kill yourself. How does someone eat five... He always says this. They'll be like, well, I'm just starving and I just needed something to eat. And he'll be like, you could not eat for two years and not be starving.

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I wanted to tell this story last week and never got to it.

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No, not the rest of the wedding story. I'm going to tell that, but give me a... There's reason, there's reasoning, and I'll explain when we get there. But okay, just settle down, everybody. Settle down. I don't quite want to tell the wedding story yet. I really do have a good reason. Last week, I got invited to a civic presentation. Let's put it that way.

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A presentation where some civic leaders are going to show up, including the mayor of Schittsville here, where I live. Und ich muss dir sagen, ich dachte, ich wäre in einem Film wie Best in Show. Christopher Guest. Ein Film von Christopher Guest. Ja, das habe ich gemacht. Ich wusste nicht, wann jemand rauskommen würde und sagen würde, wir filmen das für, ich weiß nicht, Mr. Beast oder so etwas.

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Weil es war das verrücktste Ding, das ich je gesehen habe. Also, das war in einer Schule. The kids were there. The school was being presented an award for this, that or the other thing. Yes. Not to me. I had nothing to do with it. I just was invited to come watch. And so what you've got, let me set the scene for you. You've got an auditorium full of middle school children. Okay.

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So probably 200 or 300 middle school children. You've probably got about 150 adults in the room sitting up front in the first three or four rows. You've got a stage. That stage has a full middle school band on it. They're all standing there, just lovely as can be, ready to play for the dignitaries in the room. And then you've got the mayor of Schittsville.

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I'm not going to mention where I live because whatever. And so the principal of the school gets up and she says, we're so excited to receive this award for, you know, it's such an honor and we've done so well. And this goes out to all the students and faculty who made this happen and the parents who are supportive and yada, yada, yada, all the pleasantries you would expect.

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And she was just as lovely as could be. We will now... We'd now like to hear a song that the band has prepared for us. And it was like Wind Beneath My Wings or something, right? With two poor children who are just scared shitless doing a duet together, you know?

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Meanwhile, while the band has got the recorder. Okay, fine. That is to be expected. You just expect that coming out of a middle school. They did the best they could. They really were brave for getting up there and agreeing to do it in the first place. And I give them... all the credit in the world for doing it. Because I was in band once too.

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He's like, it's true, you could not eat for years and you probably would not starve to death. And then he will eventually usually do the surgery on someone and then they have some chance of losing a greater deal of weight really quickly. He'll put them on a liquid diet for a couple of months after they have the surgery.

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And I know once you get up on the stage, it's a scary thing. Like there's a lot of people watching you and you feel like they're all watching you and that zit on your nose. But anyway, so then somebody gets up and he starts giving this... He starts giving this like...

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This big, hyped, you know, at the age of three, our next distinguished guest found himself, you know, in the bayou of Louisiana, raising himself up, wrestling gators, saving babies, taking children out of flamey orphanages. You know, I mean, it just went on and on and on. It was like this big hype fest. It was almost like the mayor had hired a hype man.

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oder ihm die Sache zu geben, die ich angefangen habe zu erinnern, dass er, weißt du, um 17 Jahre alt, er mit ROTC eingeladen hat, wo er der beste ROTC-Mann je in der Geschichte von ROTC genannt wurde. Er war fast in Kampf, weißt du, im Ausland. Es war wie dieses... 15 Paragraph Biography where the guy could do no wrong and he was the hero in every paragraph.

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And I started to think to myself, did the mayor write this himself? Did he write this himself? Because no one Du bist mein bester Freund. Du könntest eine Hype-Serie über mich schreiben, um mich irgendwo zu vorstellen. Du könntest nicht zehn wirklich schöne Dinge über mich sagen, die beeindruckend waren. Jedes Satz war beeindruckend. Und es begann zu klingen wie Bullshit nach einem Minuten.

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I think that's what was going on. Curry favor, or again, it was handed to him to read on behalf of the office of the mayor. Now, let me tell you about the mayor of Schittsville. The mayor of Schittsville I know a few things about. He is roundly disliked here in our community. He won by a small margin. He, when it looked like he might not win, the election was rigged. Rigged! Yeah, rigged! Betcon!

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Er wird nicht verabschieden. Er wird nicht verabschieden. Er wird nicht verabschieden. who has zero political experience in his life and does not know how to address a crowd without getting ultra political. Do you know what I'm saying? Okay. You've got a room full of children. You've got maybe 150 adults in the room. You are talking to the kids. This is a school presentation.

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Yeah, it was an award. Yes, but here. You ready?

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I am so proud to be here today with the distinguished principal and you children here and your parents and others. What an honor it is. What an award you've won. I want to talk a few minutes about God. Gott ist die wichtigste Sache in jeder Person. Und deshalb habe ich entschieden, alle Stadtkanzel-Meetungen mit Gebet zu starten.

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Und Christy fragt, wie kann man auf einer liquiden Diät für ein paar Monate sein? Nun, sie haben so viel Fett auf ihrem Körper, das ist das, was dein Körper isst, um Energie zu erzeugen, um zu leben, richtig? Also, du wirst nicht sterben. Wenn jemand sagt, du kannst nur 30 Tage ohne Essen gehen, das ist, als ob du ein normaler Mensch bist, mit einem normalen Anzahl an Fett auf deinem Körper.

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Und seit ich alle Stadtkanzel-Meetungen mit Gebet starte, möchte ich, dass Sie heute Abend nach Hause gehen und Ihren Eltern die Wichtigkeit des Gebetes erinnern. I want you to tell them that you would like to start every morning with prayer and end every day with prayer. Because if you don't start your morning with prayer, your 5-inch screen will start to take over your life.

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Do you know what the 5-inch screen is, children? And they're all like, uh, a phone? Yeah. Instagram hat dich seit dem Tag, an dem du es hattest, programmiert. Und TikTok wird von chinesischen Medienkonglomeraten kontrolliert, die Dinge direkt in deinem Gehirn posten. Und die 5-Inch-Screen wird deine Leben kontrollieren, bis Gott interveniert.

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Und deshalb möchte ich dir heute eine kleine Geschichte über mich erzählen. When I was five years old, I found myself opening the cookie jar after my mother told me not to. And when I did, I took a cookie, even though my mother told me not to, and I closed the cookie jar. She did not know that I took that cookie.

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But after reflection and prayer with our Lord Savior Jesus Christ, I decided that it was time to tell my mom that I took that cookie from the cookie jar. And when I did, she said the following words to me. God will save you, my son. And that is my message here today for all of you and your five-inch screens. Put them away and put the Lord in your hands.

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The Lord is the one who will save you and only the one that will save you. When it seems like transgenderism is going to take over the world with its homosexuals and its polyamory, God will save us.

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Am I right, honey? Am I right? God saves us. So, let us end with a prayer here today. Now, I swear on all that's holy. Now, maybe I'm being a little bit exaggerative. This went on for five minutes. This whole rah, rah, rah, sis, boom, bah, about God. Like super conservative Christian ha-hooey. In a school that is not a parochial school. It has nothing to do with Christianity.

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Und wir alle haben ein paar extra Pound, aber diese Leute sind wirklich, äh, außergewöhnlich obes. Ich meine, schau, dass du siehst, dass du siehst.

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3000 Action-Filialen in Europa und wir feiern mit extrem niedrigen Preisen. Zum Beispiel unsere Superfin Waschmittelpots, 18 Stück nur 2,99. Und unsere Spektrum Sprühfarbe für perfekte Deckung nur 2,33. Für noch mehr extrem niedrige Preise besuche unsere Filialen oder schau in die App Action. Kleine Preise, große Freude.

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It's not one of those kind of schools. But he went on and on and on. Even joking that his wife gets out of line sometimes and he has to pray to God on how to put her back in line. What? Chrissy, the principal of this school, who is a girl boss, I just might say, was standing behind him looking increasingly uncomfortable about all things that were going on in here.

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Where she was in his peripheral vision and then finally like, you know, almost, almost kind of took the microphone out of his hand. Dieser Tweed, übrigens, er war mit einem blauen, rot-orangen Shirt mit einem dunklen, blauen Tweed-Blazer. Es war der meiste, es war ein Clown-Suit, ist es für den meisten Teil.

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Und die Kinder im Publikum konnten weniger aus der Konversation, die er für sie hatte, bekommen. But he just went on and on and on. And it reminded me of such strange times we live in when these things are usually just very ceremonial. Congratulations to the kids. Congratulations. You're at a wonderful school and your faculty has done a great job. And you're the future.

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And we can't wait for you to do great things in our society and help our communities grow. You kids, you've really got a good thing going here. Keep it up, right? Today is Schittsville Youth School Day, right? I hereby declare it Schittsville Youth School Day. And then leave. That's it. Shake a few hands, kiss a few babies.

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But everything is so fucking partisan these days that you can't get up and have a microphone without spouting some crazy fucking... Oh, Arms crossed. I think I made a blowjob motion at one point. It was... It was so highly partisan. And I thought, what about the other people in the room who maybe don't feel the same way you do about God and Jesus Christ? Like, is it okay that we exist too?

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I don't know. And you know, a lot of these people don't have jobs.

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They're living in poverty.

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Is it all right that we're here also? Can't we just talk about the school and forget about it? Do we have to talk about transgender bathroom use when it's not a problem? There's nobody here having that problem that I know of, that I'm aware of. I mean, for God's sakes, Chrissy, what are we going to do?

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Well, I didn't vote him in. That wasn't my choice.

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I definitely got the sense that some of the teachers were snickering. I definitely saw a couple people right in front of me moving around in their seat in a way that would indicate that maybe they didn't feel comfortable with what was going on. But I don't want to put words in anybody else's mouth. And maybe it's very well possible that everybody knew exactly what he was going to say.

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But I don't think he gave a copy of those remarks ahead of time and everybody was like, sounds good, dude.

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No way.

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Here's the shame on us as a society, is that we have allowed the big industrial food complex here in America. Um uns zu einem Punkt zu bringen, wo du nicht viel Geld brauchst, um deinen Bellen mit tausenden und tausenden von fehlenden Kalorien am Tag zu füllen. Weil du könntest, du könntest Foodstamps benutzen, um 10 Boxen von Debbie Snackcakes zu kaufen.

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All right, well, here we are, Thanksgiving week, and we'll be here with you for the rest of the week. I hope you're enjoying what I assume is some time off with your family, with your friends, with your loved ones. Turn on that Thanksgiving Day Parade tomorrow and then follow it up with the Kennel Show and then the commercial break. It's a trifecta you can't lose.

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You'll go from super celebratory to awfully depressing and then... It'll be a day you can't remember. Then turn on... I think there's a 600-pound-life-marathon on TLC to help you count those calories. Oh, my God. Oh, man. I'm not watching any 600-pound-life, that's for sure. No way. All right. TCBpodcast.com, that's where... What is going on? Wow. Ja. Ja. Ja. Ja.

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Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you.

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Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say and we must say, goodbye. I have it.

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Und ich meine nicht Debbie, aber fuck that Snackcake Bullshit. Und jeder von denen hat 500 Kalorien. Und du könntest sie in deinem blühen Gesicht essen und noch Geld übrig haben für Cheetos und Doritos und Eisbeeren und all diese andere Scheiße.

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Es ist leckeres Essen. Leckeres Essen riecht gut, weil es literally gemacht wird.

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Manifestiert, um deine Geschmacksbrüche und deine Hormone verrückt zu machen. Dann gehen sie verrückt dafür. Das ist der Grund, warum du zu McDonald's gehen kannst. Und ich weiß, dass das ein verdammter Fakt ist, Mann. Ich habe das vorher erlebt. Du kannst zu einem McDonald's oder Burger King oder was auch immer dein Lieblings Fastfood-Platz nennen.

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Und du kannst sitzen und ein verdammtes Essen essen. Big Mac, Large Fry, Milkshake, Coca-Cola, and two hours later, be hungry. You're hungry. Because your body's getting nothing what it needs. It's just getting empty calories. That's right. So your body's still starving.

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So what is amazing to me about this show, after all of these years, my 600-pound life, after all these years of watching, is that there is no shortage of the next person to come on this show who is dealing with the exact same issue, who has gotten this large. Ja. As soon as his mom left the house, he was ordering two or three large pizzas.

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And he would eat those two or three large pizzas before the morning was up. And then his mom would bring him lunch, which would be like four or five Big Macs and French fries. And then at night he would order more takeout food, you know, Chinese food, three or four dishes. And he would eat it all ever to the last drop. And he would say, I feel sick after every one of these meals.

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But it's the only thing that comforts me.

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Yeah, it's obsessive. Eating is essentially what it is. And the part that gives me a little bit, and I have sympathy for these people. I don't want to make it sound like these people, like you throw the baby out with the bathwater. They're sick, like anybody else who's sick. You got a problem, you need addressing, you need professionals to help you come in.

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And we've all been there in some capacity, maybe not with eating. But what really makes me feel... Ja, genau. It can really throw you for a loop because you must confront your demons multiple times a day. And that's got to be really, really difficult. So happy Wednesday before Thanksgiving, everybody. Hope you have a great meal tomorrow.

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He's like a food additive. He's a food additive business, yes. He's in the food additive business. He's making that cereal a little bit more crunchy for a little bit longer. Yeah. So we can get that cool.

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Don't worry. One or two very large meals ain't gonna... Like I'm a dietician. Don't worry. You won't get fat over one or two. Thanksgiving doesn't count. No, Thanksgiving never counts. Yeah, I'm on a diet right now too. And I'm gonna have to confront Thanksgiving in the only way that I know how. And that's to have five cheat days in a row. Aber, weißt du, ich hasse auch Turkey. Du hasst Turkey?

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Ich hasse Turkey. And I do remember a few really good Thanksgivings when I was a child where I just loved that fucking turkey and gravy and mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes with yams with fucking marshmallows and stovetop stuffing is the only kind of stuffing you need, stovetop stuffing. And then, you know, green bean casserole, rolls, fresh made rolls.

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We used to have silk pie, French silk pie, which is just delicious, fine with me. I do love a good apple pie with ice cream, though. Allemode, as they say.

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Allemode. God damn, do I love that. But the recent experiences I've had with turkey are just not good. I mean, for God's sakes. I got salmonella on Thanksgiving that almost killed me. I don't think it was from the turkey, though. I think it was from the pork. But... But if I had that turkey from back when I was a kid, I think I would eat turkey every Thanksgiving.

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But usually the family has just decided that no one really cooks turkey well, so we're going to do something else. But this year, so every year for like the last 10 years, it's not been turkey. It's been tacos or whatever, lasagna, whatever it's been. Yeah. This year we are braving the wilds yet again. We are going back to the traditional Thanksgiving meal and we will see how it all works out.

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If you don't hear from me after Thanksgiving, then you know it didn't go well. Because every Thanksgiving I seem to get food poisoning. So let's see what happens this year.

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Well, we're not going to be near Fox Brothers, but I guess there's a place where we could order from.

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Yeah, no, I'm not talking about here in Atlanta. We're not going to be here in Atlanta. But yes, there probably are. I think Publix does it too. I think Publix will cook your turkey for you. Oh yeah, the Whole Foods does it. That's true. And man, what kind of gravy do you like?

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I don't like pan gravy. I like that, you know, shitty, nasty shit in a jar that you warm up. No, I don't like that. Yeah, that's for me. I'm all about that. Give me that shitty, nasty, empty calorie gravy that we were talking about.

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Like pan gravy? Yeah.

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Ja, ich bin das gleiche. Ich liebe es, mein Essen in Saucen zu öffnen. Was auch immer Saucen ist. Hot Sauce, Steak Sauce, Gravies. Ich weiß nicht, es gibt etwas... Wie ein Dip. Yeah, well, you know, a dip and a sauce are two different things, but they're kind of in the same family, I think.

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Oh, you like to dip into a sauce. Oh, you don't want to pour it on something. Oh, no, pour it on. As far as I'm... Ladle it on. Ladle it. If I can not taste the thing I'm really tasting, I would really appreciate it. My wife is always making fun of me because there's always some hot sauce on the table and I just smother my food in it. Or barbecue sauce or gravy or whatever.

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I don't know, it's just me. I just like it like that. Maybe it was my mom's cooking that turned me on to all the hot sauces and gravy. Well, my mom was smart enough to smother her foods and gravies and sauces. Maybe because, you know, hey listen, my mom was good for a lot of things.

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Food was not one of them. We had four go-to meals. We would have those. It seemed like every week. It was just like the same rinse and repeat. Which is fine. I survived. I'm here. I got a huge parathyroid out of it. But whatever. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

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I hope everybody's going to have great plants. We're going to sit around, watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

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It's always been something that I've done. Even when I was single, I would oftentimes get up. Now I watch the actual live parade, but you know, they do it live and then they repeat it right away and then they'll have the kennel show, the dog show. So it's always been like a personal tradition of mine that I've carried on now the kids to watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade.

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Just have it on in the background. Watch it. Check it out. Listen to the shitty lip sync songs they do in front of the Macy's in New York.

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And now, from Lifetime's movie, I emailed Santa. It's Jean-Claude Van Damme and Mrs. Hollingsworth. They sing some stupid song that is terribly lip-synced. It moves along quickly.

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It's something like that. It's a long thing. But that's what's so great about it is it ushers in the, in my opinion, ushers in the Christmas season with a lot of fanfare. It does. I like to see the balloons. Every year they have new ones. I can deal with the shitty music because I get the Santa Claus and the Christmas trees and so many people out there seeming like they're having a lot of fun.

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And they're usually wrapped up in some kind of gear because it's cold up there. It just seems, it's very festive to me. It is.

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Social security records. The plans for the 9-11 attack. Donald Trump's tax returns. Oh man, that's funny. I didn't know that. Yeah, okay, alright. So we'll rinse and repeat on that. That'll probably be on for most of the day. And then of course you got the dog, the kennel show. The 50th annual Ich liebe das. Das ist cool. Und du kennst den Film Best in Show. Oh Gott, einer meiner Lieblingsfilme.

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Why don't they want to shoot them? Yeah, why did they want to shoot him? And then follow up to this, did anybody send like archaeologists or something to the grave sites to follow up on this? No, of course not.

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I didn't know if we were going to make it out of there, but we did have time to scoot our fat asses down to the four buys and get down the hill.

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Let's stand around here and talk about it again. That's what we always do. We can't actually see it on the camera, like the video camera that we happen to have recording this for television, but we'll stand around and talk about it afterwards.

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Oh, yeah. Oh, Bill's my favorite for sure. For sure. He just screams. Yeah, there's no comment. There's no sense to what he's saying.

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But we will not be following up on it. Next week, we'll be chasing the whisper wolves.

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Now it's time to move on to the next one. Yes, even though we found clear evidence of Bigfoot and his burial sites and his nest and the whistlers and we have them all on camera, let's go home. I mean, honestly, if you need any more proof that this isn't real, then just imagine this.

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All the things that have happened over all of these seasons that they've caught on camera and been a part of and found and the Whisper Wolves and the Thunder Brother Knife or whatever, they never once presented these things to any kind of authority. They just move on to the next episode. Like you do when you find the discovery of humanity. Yeah. It'd be like if an alien came to you.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Holdley. Best to you, Kristen.

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It'd be like if Alf was living in your house and you didn't call somebody about it. All right. Anyway, let's take a break and we'll be back with more shenanigans. The Boys from Mountain.

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Oh, yeah. We're almost there. We're almost at number one.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. I appreciate it. Like your hat. Thank you. Menfo hat. Menfo right around, not right around the corner, but coming up quickly. I'm sure Jeff is a frazzled.

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We're on to number two. Here we go.

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We're the good guys.

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Ah, the cornfield. This is one of my favorites. Good old cornfield. Yeah, where they're running indiscriminately through the cornfield, shooting at each other.

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I don't think that was that person we've seen. He is so big. And not, you know, everyone has different body shapes. But this is a big body shape. Like, it's clear, maybe Ozempic. I don't know.

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He's a frizzled and a frazzled.

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No. Yeah, he doesn't need to wear a shirt tucked in. You know what I'm saying? Like, when you're that big, give yourself a chance to look normal.

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Speaking of way too heavy, what? Look here, look here. Yeah.

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How do you know that... How do you know that a dead branch on the ground broken is fresh? I mean, I'm sure that there are people that can tell you that, but I'm sure it's not huck. I don't think so.

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Have we announced who's going to be there yet?

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Not yet. Okay, well, let me know when I can talk about it. Um... I think you told me, but it's a secret. These things are very secretive. We don't want to do Fyre Fest 3 at Mempho.

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Those are the poachers. Those are the poachers, and they're ready to kill anybody who gets in between them and whatever it is you poach in Kentucky. What exactly is that? Are there elephants for their ivory? Rhinoceroses? I'm not sure what you poach in Kentucky.

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And I'll do a Fyre Fest update later on in the week, but just know that it's definitely not happening. Definitely not happening.

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Willie, Bill, we're getting shot at. Willie, I'm on the ground. I don't think I'm going to be able to get back up.

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That's not the ready position. You've got to lay down on your front so you can crawl around. Right now, the only thing you can do is roll off the hill. Just to let you know, there's like lights off in the distance. They're yelling at each other. And then one of them fake shoots, right? And then so all of these guys slowly but surely sit down on their butts and then lay on their backs.

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Like they're going to stargaze. You don't lay on your back. You lay on your front. Now you can't even see.

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It's so stupid. I got shot in.

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What do you want to... I copy that, 10-4. We're certainly going to get murdered. Do you want me to shoot back or what? Look at this guy. He's looking up. He's looking through his gun. This is so stupid.

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All right, I copy that. You say lay down and get hip? Get hip. Oh, I thought he said get hip. I'm like, cool. That was cool.

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Lay down and get hip.

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All the kids are doing it. Lay down. Hey, we got to find a safe spot.

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Yeah. Of all, I am less shocked that the mountain monsters...

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I don't know. I can't tell. I'm staring at the stars. Like he just sat up. He just sat up. I'm surprised he could see up, honestly.

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find don't never find something that they're chasing that I am that Firefest 2 is in fact not happening but it's not happening I wanted to quickly and I know you guys on Friday we watched Mountain Monsters we were getting through the top five scariest hunts and we got to number three meaning we had just kind of come up on number three we'll get back to it we promised we will

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And that's exactly what we're going to do. Finders keepers.

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Play dead. He can't hear us. I don't know. We have guns in our hands. What should we do? Go, go, go.

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All right, we'll go radio silence. Good luck. See you later. You good?

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Huck, Huck, they've got guns and they're coming up on us. I think we're trapped. All right, I'll turn off the radio so I can't hear you getting killed. Bye. I'm sorry about all the drama, but I can't listen to you get murdered. I'll be at Krispy Kreme. I'll talk to you later.

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Let me turn off my radio. Let me turn off my radio. Turn off communication. Yes, I can't hear you die. I can't live with that kind of guilt. Not me. I got to go.

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Guys, we got to go. Let's go. Guys, we got to go. I don't know where we're going to go, but we got to go.

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Guys, we got to go. It's two furs at Burger King.

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It's two furs of chilies. It's margarita hour and chilies. They got to go, guys.

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We can get up there and get behind them. Well, they're certainly moving with a sense of urgency. Plotting along. Guys, we'll have to drop one. We don't want them to get. Did he say we'll have to drop one? Guys, I got to drop one or two.

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I'll catch up with you guys. Meanwhile, maintain radio silence. Get over here with your gun after shooting at me. I want to talk to you, son. Man to man. Man to man. Tell me about why you're trying to kill me. Hey! Where'd you go? You in here? Oh, I got movement! I got movement!

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God! Jeez. They're shooting at each other.

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I'm cold. Don't mind all the blood pouring out of my shirt. He looks like he's got blood on his shirt.

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That big foot. Oh, no. It's just a logo. He grabbed me.

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But I wanted to ask you real quick. Did you know that Alec Baldwin has a new reality television show?

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1965.378

Yeah, what's different this time? Why can't you go yelling and screaming?

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1980.871

Okay, so wait, let me get this straight. We're ignoring the fact that you just got grabbed by a Bigfoot and shot at it?

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1987.077

Yeah, it was a close call, but let's move on. I don't want to think about it.

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I don't want to think about it. It's rather embarrassing for me, so we just move on. I appreciate it.

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Okay, so this is ridiculous. This is ridiculous. It appears they have put a Bigfoot trap that looks like an igloo made out of wood.

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It looks like a pyramid. Yeah, like a pyramid or something made out of wood. And it's tipping itself over, which I imagine they're now going to tell us was Bigfoot tipping it over. But I don't see anything anywhere. It's like someone's pulling it down. No! Oh, you can actually see the string wrapped around it. That's crazy. Bad editing.

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Okay, why are you not? You're three feet from it. Why are you not going to see what is going on? Is someone going to go investigate? No. What the hell?

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Max. Yeah, yeah.

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I have no idea. I think they're purposely confusing us because I thought that was Bigfoot. But they're saying it's the poachers that are doing this. But they are literally standing a foot and a half from it. Why not, like, I don't know, shoot somebody or something? But I got to see who in the hell... I mean, I don't condone just shooting people, but...

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I also don't condone, like, incongruent television. It's got to make some kind of sense.

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I'm going over there right now, and you better have your room cleaner.

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So I've had it on in the background because a lot of times, you know, there's a couple of channels that I'll just keep on in the background. It's like mindless entertainment that I really don't have to pay attention to, but I'll tune in if I hear something interesting. And I was watching or I had it on in the background. And man, Alec, listen.

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Well, I first started talking with this... Well, all's forgiven. All's well that ends well. Talk to you later.

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Yeah, maybe somebody's not so happy that you're running around their cornfield building traps and shooting indiscriminately.

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But the more we talked to him, I think he's... The more we talked to him, the more I liked him. And I gave him a job at craft services.

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Hey, it's cool. Don't worry about it.

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I'm Buck. Don't worry about all that shooting at me.

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It's all good, brother. Split the money? Split the thousand dollars? What do you say?

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poaching ring the west kentucky poaching ring what are they poaching i still want to know i mean i understand there is but like you know you took too many deer this season you're killing the babies or whatever there is poaching everywhere there's poaching but you usually don't think of west kentucky and poaching usually think of like south africa or a ring yeah yeah or a poaching ring like how much money can you make

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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Nothing like that poor woman's family who will never recover.

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That was the craziest thing.

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I believe that it was. I believe it was a freak accident, and I believe everybody, including Alec, probably could have took more care to make sure that things were okay. You, of course, had the person, the armorer, who was supposed to never have real bullets anywhere on set, but did, which is just insane to me. I don't think it was some grand conspiracy. I think she was a kid.

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Thank you. Thank you.

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A kid who was also partying at night and made some mistakes. Some big ones that cost somebody their life. But then Alec, I don't think he checked. Whatever. Who cares? It doesn't matter. But anyway. That must be a very frightening, terrifying, difficult thing to go through for everybody and for the person who pulled the trigger, Alec.

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And when you're watching that show, I will give the show – it's been criticized by a lot of people, and I can understand why. On the backs of this death, you're out there trying to rehab your image or make money or whatever the criticism is. Agreed. All of that. But then also, when you watch the show, you can see just how vulnerable and in pain Alec is.

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He is very much stewing in his own shit, so to speak. I'm sure he feels horrible. Of course. Yeah. He's not gloating in this. Right. And I think that's pretty clear. I don't know. But and he's a public figure. So, of course, he went and did the obligatory interview so that people can get the questions answered. They feel like they have some. He's got to defend himself in some way, shape or form.

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Yeah, you have a gun, number one. Number two, how did you make all these elaborate holes in the ground? When did you have time to do that?

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Hold tight, honey. I'm on my way. He said hun. Did he say hun or Huck? Either way, it's funny.

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Yeah, I guess the cameraman's in there, which means that hole is really big. He's got a knife in his hands, by the way. He's now in the mud, three feet in the mud, and he's got a trap door on top of him with leaves and foliage, and he's holding one of the biggest hunting knives I've ever seen in my entire life. I imagine what happens next is he starts stabbing upwards at whatever's coming.

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Quick, do a whacking off like motion and kill whatever's on top of you.

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Now they're showing the three different holes or the three other. So we've got Huck running up the mountain.

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with his four by that's not going very fast because god love him huck is a big boy and then you've got three separate individuals that are now in holes with trap doors on top of them all have some kind of weapon in their hands a knife a shotgun which how you're going to shoot that in that hole i have no idea but and it looks like i don't know a pipe bomb i'm not even sure what that is guys i gotta get over there now

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The top of the door is now shaking. Mud is falling into the pit. Huckleberry is just doing his best to keep his composure. Start stabbing upwards. That's what I do.

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He's not even traveling at a mile per hour. That poor old man, he's trying his best to make it look scary, but it's not. If Bigfoot is moving slower than that, then I am officially not afraid of Bigfoot. Bill, I'm on my way to get you.

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Huckleberry just got attacked. I'm on my way to get you. Drop a pin and share your location. Do you have the Find My app? It's real easy. Let me walk you through it. Make sure you update your iPhone 17. Connect to the local internet. Search for Find My app.

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He's a public figure. But what I was going to share is that people stewing in their own shit is never something easy to watch, them dealing with that kind of pain. And this was recorded the three weeks before he was to be the trial. And so it's like really intense. And I was just watching a scene before you got here.

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You got to get down off here. Two, maybe 30. I'm not sure because they are not real.

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The squall monster.

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You got to go. I know for eight seasons we've been trying to get images of an actual monster, but you should go now because there is no monster to get images of. Oh, he's ziplining. Whoa. Well, that was an interesting way of getting down from the treehouse.

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Yeah. By the way, the cameraman went down the ladder. He got a harness on and decided to zipline down. Like six feet. Yes. It took him much longer to zipline than it took the guy to climb down.

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What's going on? Oh, nothing. Just attacked by a 10-foot, 385-pound Bigfoot. And my knee's bad. I got a bad back. And I forgot my medicine. And my angina's acting up.

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I mean, how many people can fit in that golf cart? Yeah, that's a lot of people fitting in a golf cart.

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I was just watching a scene where him and his wife are driving up to their Hamptons house or whatever. They're arguing about all kinds of different stuff. And she's just like a whip. She's just, you know, get off your ass. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You know, lots of people are in pain here. You have a family to deal with. Like, you got to get your shit together.

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Yeah, four and the camera. Oh, wow. Wild Bill McCrowski there.

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We got to go. Wait, what are you guys running from? Because you were running to save the other guy, and now you're running to get away from something? Yeah, this is the way this show works. It's just a lot of running and shaky camera work.

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Ready? There's going to be a comedy routine right before we get done here.

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Oh, there you go. There it is. We ended. We got it. We got all five. That was good.

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I like that. I like the compilation videos because we get a lot of mountain monsters in a short amount of time. All right. Well, you know, stay safe out there. It's dangerous out in the middle of the woods. So don't go there. Yeah, that's all I got to say. And be prepared.

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I say next time you're camping, dig three or four five to seven foot deep holes and get some old doors and put some foliage on them in case you run into a squalor or a whistler or a diddler or whatever it is out there. You want to make sure you've got the proper resources to take care of yourself. Thank God we have the mountain monsters to show us the way.

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And I saw a video came up on my YouTube, and I was like, oh, yeah, we got to do the mountain monsters. Plus, a lot of our comments on the various platforms say that their favorites are the mountain monsters. So there you go. From me to you. A gift. Mwah, mwah, mwah. Holla. Holla back at you, boy. All right. TCBpodcast.com. That's where you go.

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You got to figure out how to process this pain and process it. But I don't I put myself in Alex's shoes and I don't know how I would process. I don't know how you do process something like that.

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You find all the information about Chrissy and I, all the audio, all the video right there from one location, TCBpodcast.com. If you want a free sticker, go to the website, hit the contact us button, drop down menu says I want my free sticker. Give us your physical address. Away it will go. No muss, no fuss.

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Also, we'd love it if you would contact us on our telephone line, TCB hotline, if you will, Chrissy. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3222. Holla at your boy. 212-433-3822. 212-433-3TCB.

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Send it there or a voicemail if you'd like that. At The Commercial Break on Instagram and YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break for all the episodes on video the same day they air here on audio. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

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But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. I'll say best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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Yeah, when you know you were responsible for someone else's death in such a terrible and freak way.

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I did know a guy when I was working at La Estrada and giving away Chianti Classico and soft shell crabs. I did know a guy, worked with a guy who had gotten into a car accident. That was his fault. He ran a red light, wasn't drunk or anything like that. He ran a red light. He wasn't paying attention, ran a red light, killed a woman, like a lady who had a family.

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And a couple of nights I went out drinking with him and it didn't take the little bit of pinprick and it all came out. And this was like, years after it had happened, like six or seven years after it had happened. And he still had zero reconciliation about it. Zero. It was all right at the surface. And I can only imagine. That's what guys that go to war must feel like.

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Police officers, other people who are in terrible incidents and accidents. Anyway, I give the show a little bit of credit, a little bit of credit for showing those very vulnerable, tough moments where it seems like Alec is essentially leaking out of his own skin. They kept it in there. So whether the editors...

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have full control over the final cut, or Alec has some kind of approval or whatever it is, I will say that they are showing some of these vulnerable moments, and you see just how tough this has been for everybody involved. Now, of course, that, you know, who is that? Hannah Goode? What was her name? Somebody or other? The lady who died? Anyway, whoever died,

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That, obviously, there's no comparison. None. Zero. She can never compare. Alec can figure a way through this. She can never, and her kids can never. But anyway, I just wanted to share that. The Baldwin show is rather interesting in that sense. Okay, now to something completely unserious. The Mountain Monsters. We all know them. We all love them. We all think they're ridiculous.

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And it just keeps getting more ridiculous as they are now counting down. There's a compilation video out there where they count down the top five hunts the mountain monsters have had in their hunting career of mythological bullshit creatures. We just saw them put together the Thunder Axe, I guess.

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That's right. It's the Lightning Man with the Thunder Brothers. The Thunder Brothers and the Lightning Man. But if they put together some kind of magical axe, I guess they have protection against the Thunder Brothers and the Lightning Axe.

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Yeah, like he was He-Man. And someone got struck by lightning, by the way. And peed. And peed himself. Lots of peeing in that episode. Anyway, go back on Friday. You can watch that episode. Let's get right back to it. I think we have some time left in this segment. Let's get right back to it with number three. Here we go.

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The Midnight Whistler. Now, why do all these creatures look alike? They all look exactly the same.

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I mean, some are more bulky than others, but it's generally the same principle.

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And I might add that these animations are absolutely childlike. I mean, you would think that I understand this thing is done on a shoestring budget. It just takes a forest and some a couple of cameramen and terrible sound effects. But you would think that they would spend a little bit of money just to go. I mean, I could get better things done on Fiverr. Do you know what I'm saying? All right.

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Let's get back to it.

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And how are you going to do that, Buck? You have never proven anything has existed. How are we going to do this one?

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this episode of the commercial break i am pissed off that i got tom fooled into believing that he was a good guy simply because he said hey i'm larry sorry you don't tell me that dude in that truck he pulled the wall clear over us he tore down our trap

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What is this? It's a mining operation? Oh, my God. These guys, they really have a specific acting skill set. And that is pointing at things that are not there and screaming really loud. Did he just say, look at those black guys?

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All right. I just wanted to make sure we weren't getting into some weird territory here.

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We're down here in the nest.

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It was like a two-stick teepee. Three. Three sticks just put together like a teepee, but they were tiny.

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It could be booby trap. Easy now. If they don't say easy four times an episode. Easy, easy. Go slow into your certain death. Easy. The slower we die, the better.

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This is a bad spot. This is a bad spot. I'm telling you, we shouldn't be here. The lighting is terrible.

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This place gives me the herpes. This place gives me a bad case of the clap.

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You ain't the only one, brother. Yeah, you ain't the only one, brother. Let's do this.

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Let's stay around in the dark for a couple more hours and see what happens.

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Hey, Larry. Hey, boys. It's me, Larry. I was the one who stole your radio.

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There's another one over there! And rather than call scientific authoritize, we have decided to put the thermals on them. It's like a whistler. It's so stupid.

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That's a train whistle that the kids get for Halloween at the shitty houses.

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You know, and she's crying and she's upset because this is like one of the first times I think she's actually puked as a toddler. Yeah. And the warm water is running on top of us. The warm water will calm her down. And then I can just feel it, Chrissy. I can just feel the warm, silky, smooth flavors of macaroni and cheese and birthday cake running down the back of my body.

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And I look over my shoulder and she's just like all over my back. It's just dripping into the shower. Yeah. I'm in a mess now and I don't know what to do. How will I get out? What will I do? Do I throw the child over the shower glass and hope that they land on their feet? Do I scream? This is now a choose your own adventure in my mind.

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Do I call Astrid and beg her to take this puking baby out of my hands? Or do I just man up, let her puke on me, and clean her up when she gets done and hope that everything turns out okay? Well, I would have yelled to Astrid, but Astrid was cleaning the puke from the bed. Like, you know, waking all the kids up and taking them off the beds and, you know, cleaning the puke.

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She had puked all throughout the whole bedroom. It was just, it was disgusting. It was awful. The worst part about it was it had that smell. You know, sometimes you puke and it's got a smell, but it's not that bad. And then sometimes you puke and it smells like it's been ruminating for a couple of days. Do you know what I'm saying? That distinct throw up smell. And this was that.

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And this was that. It was. So now I'm full of it. She's full of it. The clothes are in the corner. There's puke all over the shower floor. What do I do? Well, I just decide to man up and let it happen. Yeah, you have to.

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Well, that's the thing.

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And I'm in the shower.

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Yeah, running down into the drain, which is lovely. You can clean that up later. Yeah, clean that up later. Well, I unscrewed the drain and I just like, you know, let it wash down. Listen, whatever. It's going to the same place, right? It's going to the same place as the toilet water. What do I give a shit at the end of the day? And it wasn't my kid is small relatively.

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So it wasn't like huge volumes of throw up. It wasn't like I just had 13 Bud Lights and threw up all over the floor.

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uh so i just let it happen and then i rock her in my arms for like 20 minutes while astrid is cleaning up the thing i mean the shower is just going and i'm there with the thought that someone has just thrown up on me and i'm in the shower and i can't tell you the pins and needles running up and down my back and my arm you know that like feeling like oh get it off me get it off me i

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And I know it's off me because I've been sitting in the shower for 20 minutes. But I can't get rid of the thought that someone had thrown up on me.

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She's a stranger when she's throwing up. That's not my child. That's some demon child. That's some demon animal that's throwing fire out of her mouth. She might as well be like a livey bull eye virus as far as I'm concerned. It was disgusting. And that was my thought too. It's like, what if she has a virus? You know that awful 24-hour stomach bug that you get? Yeah, that's bad.

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It feels like August or October of last year. Yeah, it happened. Like sometime in the late summertime.

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Rarely.

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I hate it. To begin with. I hate it. And then when it's—

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uncontrollable and you're just oh you're laying down and then getting back up and laying down get back up oh when you are i'm never being like there's nothing left there's there wasn't anything left but i yeah i continued to go yeah i continued to go and retch and that's the worst part yeah is i'd almost rather have something in there yeah retch that bile that green oh

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Yeah, but luckily this was not that, so to speak. This was, I think, a combination of foods. We went to a birthday party. There was ice cream and cake and cookies and Doritos.

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Yeah, and you just let them do it.

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Running, jumping, bouncing. Oh, it was at a trampoline park, too. There you go. Bouncing up and down. That was it. And, of course, Dad's always spinning the kids around for some reason, throwing them on the bed. That's my type of play with them. I just pick them up and throw them on the bed.

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But that that so this was not a virus related thing. I think it was just a tummy ache type of thing. But man, I'll tell you what, I am so glad it wasn't because all I could think about laying down that night was please don't wake up in the middle of the night like I did six months ago. Yes. That was the time the kids, the kid, one of our children was puking in the car.

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Oh, it was July because it was one of my kids' birthdays. And the next birthday was just a couple of days later. And we missed any activities for that birthday because we were so incredibly sick. Astrid and I got it almost within 12 hours of each other. And we were both hugging the porcelain. I mean, just like begging for mercy. And then the kids got better and Astrid and I were still sick.

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We were still sick. I remember that.

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Oh, my God. I was like... Go to McDonald's. Buy all the Happy Meals you can. Buy the movies. I don't care how little money we have. Just send them to Six Flags. Get a babysitter. Put them on a bus. Send them to the airport and back. I don't care. It doesn't matter. All reasoning goes when you're that sick. You don't give a shit. You just want your children to leave you the fuck alone. Please.

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Please. But no, there's no rest for the wicked. Those kids don't stop. No. As a matter of fact, the worse off you are, the more irritating they get because they understand. They have an inherent sick sense. They know you're sick and they won't leave you alone.

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Yes.

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Yes. The one time as a parent I've been hungover was the worst parenting day ever. Not only because I was hungover, but because they knew it. They had an instinct. Like a cat. They have like cat-like reflexes and they jump on you and they pounce. And they're like, hey, daddy.

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And you're like, my brain's about to bleed. Oh, really? Peppa Pig is on. Can I turn on Peppa Pig in volume 50? Sure. Okay. No problem, I guess. It's 6.15 in the morning. Time to wake up. Daddy just got home at 3. I know. Welcome to parenthood, Daddy. Oh, excuse me while I vomit on you.

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Oh, it was terrible.

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Yeah, is Bluey going to do an episode on a hungover mommy and daddy? Yeah, they should. In that movie, we need to put a section of that movie dedicated to hungover. They haven't dealt with hungover yet. But I could see Bluey and Bandit doing this really well. And you're right about this. Sesame Street needs to do an episode on mommy and daddy being hungover.

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Or sick.

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Yeah, so the mom and daddy can get back to drinking. Listen, I have lots of, I have one friend in particular who did this the entirety of growing, raising his children, but he had a wife that always took care of the children. Do you know what I'm saying? He always had an out. He had a card. He would always say, I got to go to work, baby. I got to brainstorm about my work.

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I got to do a brainstorming sesh, which meant five days worth of cocaine and two bottles of whiskey an hour and cigarettes and all kinds of things. And he would always call me and he'd be like, bro, I got to do a brainstorming sesh. And one time I caught him out on my porch at like 530 in the morning. Sun's just coming right up and he's out there on his computer.

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Cigarettes, like five cigarettes in his mouth. You know, lines cut on a mirror. Yeah. I solved the key. I solved the key to all the things that I needed. And then he slept for two days.

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Right.

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He slept for two days and went home. That's how it works. All right. I got lots more to talk about. We'll be back.

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All right. And we're back. You know, Chrissy, I'm always looking out for the listener. I'm always thinking about the listener. I like to think that I'm selflessly thinking about the listener as I'm trolling around bikini pictures and making sure that the world of Instagram is nipple-less. But sometimes I come across a trend that I think is important for some of our listeners to know.

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And, you know, I think we have a few single listeners out there. I hear from them every once in a while. I get a text message or an email. And just by the nature of the email, you can tell that they're single or they should be single. Or there's a reason they're single. There's a trend on TikTok and Instagram going on right now.

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There's a girl who has taught everybody something called the sticky eyes. Have you heard about the sticky eyes? I have not. Okay, let me let her explain in her own words. How's that? I'm going to put this up to the microphone because we don't have somebody to play this for us. Sticky eyes.

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First of all, this girl, there's no humility with this girl. I mean, she is. I invented this. I invented it. You invented eyes? Did you invent eyes? Let's see what she has to say.

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Okay, this sounds just as dumb as anything Michael Anthony has ever said.

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Yeah, just like cornered them. Put an arm up so they can't get away. I mean, this is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Stare at them uncomfortably long and they'll come right to you. With a police officer, maybe? I mean, how many restraining orders do you have, young lady? This is weird. You don't just stare at somebody uncomfortably long. That is a weird notion that that would work.

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Yeah, you first look away.

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Then they will come right to you.

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Never look again. Throughout the entire relationship, look down at your feet. So I noticed you staring at me. Nope, my shoes. Those are my feet. What the fuck?

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It doesn't work. This girl, for some reason, thinks she's got some magic because she stared at a guy and he came to her. Yeah, okay, guys are pretty fucking dumb in general. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, she's a pretty girl. Yeah, she's a pretty girl. I mean, she's attractive. You give...

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If you have that girl staring at you and you're at a bar and you're single, of course you're going to come hither. I mean, that's it. That's the thing. Guys aren't – this is the thing, ladies. Guys are really not a riddle. We're not a mystery. In case you haven't figured it out yet, we're pretty open as far as books are concerned. We're pretty open books.

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If you give us any amount of positive attention or negative attention, it's likely we're going to come hither like a puppy dog if we're single. Because that's just what we do. There's no magic to that. You could just go up to a guy and say, I think you're attractive. Come have a drink with me. Yeah.

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And if a guy has half a head on his shoulders and he's single and available or in a relationship that's, you know, ethically non-monogamous or whatever you're calling it these days, then of course he's going to come hang out with you. Yeah. Do you know how many times this same trick has worked on me? None. You want to know why? I didn't give a girl a chance to have the second stare.

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After the first stare, I was buying her a drink. That was it. Yeah, look at me once. I was literally scanning the bar for anyone to look at me. And if you looked at me, you got a free Bud Light. That's what happened. You play the odds. You send over Bud Light no matter what. Just Bud Light, Bud Light, Bud Light. And if you don't like Bud Light, you're not for me. Then move on to the next one.

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That's it.

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Was I in action? Boy, I would stare at the ladies.

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It was usually the bartender. It was uncomfortable. Who'd ask to change shifts. She'd be texting somebody. She'd be like, can you cover my shift? Brian's back.

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The guy who stares? Yeah. Yeah, that guy who stares. This is not a good idea. I don't know why this is so complicated. Be yourself. Do your thing. Don't be a fucking creep ball. Don't be staring at people endlessly until you try and zoom them in with your magical powers. Just go and have a conversation with somebody. And if it works, if there's magic, you'll know it.

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And if there's no magic, you'll know that too. And if there's magic that you're feeling and she's not or he's not, well, you'll figure that one out eventually. That one will come to you eventually.

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Yes.

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We've hacked it. It's a shortcut.

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It's not a hack. There's no hack. Yeah, I've seen all the cooking and cleaning hacks, you know. How do you clean a dead body out of your basement? Doesn't work. Tried it. How do you make a million dollars podcasting? Tried it, doesn't work. Money hack. Money hack, yeah.

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Investment hacks. Listen, if there was a secret that you could use, some magic power, and on occasion, I will admit, on occasion, a hack works.

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And it's usually something your grandma was doing way back when.

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And like some weird tribal writing in a cave. It's been lost for a generation, but now we found it again. Yeah. Like lemon and vinegar really does clean. Yeah. Noemi taught us that one, and we're still surprised that vinegar is cleaning the house better than any, you know, industrial lubricant cleaning solution we've ever used. Here's the reality.

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And I think this is, you know, I had an idea for a segment that we could do that's named We Did It So You Don't Have To. Yeah. Like, take a life hack, do it here, see if it works, and then we'll all really do the test. If I have been fooled once by the Rubik's Cube hack videos, I've been fooled a million times by them. Do you know these videos that go around?

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You can solve any Rubik's Cube by twisting it three times this way, four times that way, seven times this way. Chrissy, I've spent hours in that kitchen dissecting those videos. I must be doing something wrong. I must be doing something wrong. And then I go to the comments section and it's like, yeah, that works. if you take an already completed Rubik's Cube and do that in reverse and start there.

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So every one of them's fake. Every one of them's a lie. There is no hack for the Rubik's Cube. I mean, there are tricks to get it done quicker, but you just have to know how to solve a Rubik's Cube, which unfortunately my pea brain... Wasn't able to do in my best of years. It's not going to be able to do in my worst of years. Okay? I'm on the downslide.

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I'm not going to be able to complete a Rubik's Cube. I don't care. I'm throwing it out. There's no hack to finding love. There is no hack to relationships. It's about meeting someone with mutual respect, trust, and admiration and trying your best on a daily basis to keep it par, to keep that par. Trust, respect, admiration.

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That's it. That's the hack. The hack is be a fucking good partner.

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If you're a good partner, you'll have a good partner. It really is pretty simple. I've tried all the relationship hacks. Dating people who are a little off kilter because they're really good in bed, but you'll make it work. Don't worry about it. No, doesn't work. Date your best friend. No, doesn't work. I don't know. Pay for sex. Still didn't work. I paid for it and I didn't get it. I paid for it.

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Ménage a trois. They kicked you out. They kicked me out of the bedroom. I was the only one left without an orgasm. And I had no involvement in the other orgasms. So there you go. Wasn't fun. Okay. There's no magic secret. There's no hack to relationships.

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Trust. Admiration. Yeah. All those things that you hear about that are so hard to do.

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That's the hack. Do the hard work. You got to get it right. Yes. Listen, Astrid and I. as of yesterday, have known each other face-to-face. The first time we met face-to-face, 10 years ago.

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Thank you very much. So we've been over 10 years talking to each other. People will ask, and when I say people, I mean dignitaries and presidents around the world, prime ministers.

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Dr. Phil, how do you do it, Brian? How do you have a relationship with so little friction? Well, first of all, be a podcaster who spends most of his time... Let me tell you, like, funny side note. At the beginning of this podcast, if you listen to it, you will be reminded that Brian would often come in and say, I think I'm one step from divorce because I'm spending so much time on the podcast.

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Last night, Astrid encouraged me to spend more time with the podcast.

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If there was a secret that you could use, some magic power, and on occasion, I will admit, on occasion, a hack works.

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Well, she's like, oh, we can get rid of that. We don't need that. You can do the work, right? And I'm like, that means more time in the studio.

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Yeah. I like my shows by myself.

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I like it by myself.

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Yes.

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Whether you're ready or not, whether you want to eat or not. You can go back to work after that. Feel free.

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There you go. See, here's the thing that I've learned about relationships. They ebb and flow like every other thing, right? Like friendships, every relationship in life, business, friendship, whatever. There's usually some kind of ebb and flow. At first, you can't get enough of each other. Then you're mad because you aren't getting enough of each other.

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And it's usually something your grandma was doing way back when.

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And then you learn that I've had enough of you.

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I don't know if it makes me happy, but it's... It gives me purpose. Let's put it that way. We laugh. We do laugh. That's it. And so how do you make a relationship last for 10 years? I can count on one hand the amount of blowouts that Astrid and I have had. And those blowouts were... Where compared to some other relationships I have, those were like a conversation on a Tuesday afternoon.

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That was a good day for some of the relationships that I had because the blowouts last very little time because we have a mutual respect and trust and admiration for each other. And we know we just we kind of understand how each other ticks.

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And like some weird tribal writing in a cave that's been lost for a generation, but now we've found it again.

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That's it.

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Laugh at your small penis and your inability to give the other person an orgasm. Laugh at that stuff. That's funny to you. That's funny. That's funny, babe. Look, it's been 10 years. No orgasms. Isn't that funny? Call Guinness Book of World Records. All the Guinness Book of World Records. Ten-year relationship, zero orgasms. We'll get there. We're working on it, babe. We're working on it.

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It's a marathon, not a sprint. To which she says, I'll be in the bedroom. Go back to your studio. I'll be working on my orgasm while you work on your shit, whatever that is you're doing in there. Listen, this is not complicated. Sticky eyes doesn't work because it worked for this young girl who is attractive and probably.

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Yeah, at a bar in college. Come on. At a bar in college. You could literally... I mean, I hate to tell this story, but I'm going to tell it. Because, you know, why not? I've already told every story. When Chrissy and I worked at Clear Channel... There was a guy that sat in the office next to me, and he was a huge Clemson fan because he went to Clemson. Clemson, Clemson, Clemson.

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Like lemon and vinegar really does clean. Yes. Noemi taught us that one, and we're still surprised that vinegar's cleaning the house.

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Everything's about Clemson. Clemson. Chrissy, you see the Clemson game?

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Yeah, I want to say his name because if I said the name and then I did the voice, it would make perfect sense. But he was married. He had kids. He just sounded funny, right? But we loved him. He was a great guy. He was. Yeah, but he'd be like, hey, Brian, you ever been to a Clemson game? And I'd be like, a Clemson game? No, I've never been to a Clemson game.

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I very rarely stepped foot on a college campus, if I'm being honest. And he'd be like, I'll take you to a Clemson game. You love a Clemson game. The Clemson games are so much fun. And so after a year of haggling me and after a divorce and, you know, being beat up at Clear Channel every day, seven days a week forever. Protections, protections, protections, protections. Your protections are up.

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Your protections are down. How many protections do you have? Give me more protections. You know, meetings every morning at 7 in the morning. You know, I finally, I relented. I said, well, you know, because he kept on saying, you got to come to a Clemson game.

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I take the kids and we set up the thing and we got a nice place and you love it. It's Clemson. And I'm like, oh, it's a beautiful campus and there's a party and I got my own spot and I paid for it and it's over near campus.

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And I'm like, I don't know what anything you're talking about. And it doesn't sound like a ton of fun to go to a Clemson game with your family. He had two young kids at the time.

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Tailgating the whole thing. But I like the guy. He's a friend of mine and he and he was good to me. And I think I was a friend to him. And so after a year of the nonstop talk about Clemson, I said, all right, I'll go to a clinic. Well, you got to go to homecoming with me. Homecoming is going to be so much fun.

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And I was like, OK, he's like, I don't have a ticket for you, but you can jump over the turnstiles. And I'm like, jump over the turnstile? What am I, 12? I'm going to jump over the turnstile. Am I a hooligan looking to get in a real Madrid match like this? What am I doing here, right? So Saturday afternoon arrives.

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I'm going to meet him at his house, and we're going to all drive over to Clemson, which is like a two-hour drive from Atlanta. And this is all going to make sense when I tell you the rest of the story after the break. We'll be back.

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Okay, Chrissy and I were talking about a trend on a reel that's trending on Instagram and TikTok. A hack.

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How to get someone to come hither out of a college bar by staring at them until they get uncomfortable and finally come your way and approach you with a security officer. So we were talking about that and we were explaining, you know, how that's probably not the solution for a relationship. And then Chrissy said, plus, at a college bar.

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I mean, a college bar where everybody is smashed and looking for a one night stand, basically. Not everybody, but most people. I mean, we've all been to a college bar. We know what happens at a college bar. Everybody gets drunk and laid. That's what happens at a college bar.

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Aw, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

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So I was explaining that in my early 30s, I have this guy who's working at the office next to me, and he has gone to Clemson. He's a Clemson guy. He's got a Clemson tailgate spot that he pays for every year, season tickets. He's been begging me to go to a game for over a year. So finally I say yes. I show up at his house. He's already pre-gaming it. Wife's pregnant, by the way.

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She's going to be driving the car. Two small kids already. We're going into like a minivan or something. And I'm like, yeah. And so I just cracked the Bud lights immediately. Like this game, by the way, is at 3 p.m. So we're like, it's like 11 o'clock in the morning. We're heading out there. And he's like, this is gonna be the greatest thing ever. You never seen a Clemson game?

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Clemson's gonna, you're gonna love it. It's awesome. And I'm like, okay, great. We're going to Clemson game. We get there, two-hour drive. We have roadies. The kids are in the car, and we're pouring Bud Lights into these plastic cups and drinking on the way to the Clemson game. And I swear to God, Clemson flags the entire way up there. Everybody's doing the same thing.

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Everyone's heading to Clemson. It's like a big exodus from Atlanta to Clemson. And we go, and we park in the trees, right in the shadow of the stadium. It's pretty impressive, right? I've never been to a college football game at that point in my life. Never. Never. So I'm, you know, okay, I'm getting excited. I'm like, all right. So we pop soap in the back.

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There's a bunch of people that are parked around us in this plot of grass, and everybody knows everybody.

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Hey, what you doing? Hey, hey, hey, Clemson. Where's Clemson? Homecoming. Homecoming Clemson. You know, Clemson, Clemson, Clemson.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe.

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And everybody's dressed in that damn orange and those fucking sun visors and sunglasses hanging around their neck. You know, the typical Clemson wear. Oh, yeah. Across the way, across the street is sorority and fraternity row. The row. The row. And I mean, one long street. So mainly sorority houses on this end of the street where we are.

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How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of this commercial break.

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And then at the end of that street, gas station, couple of bars. So before the game, I am out of cigarettes right before the game. And I'm like, okay. And he goes, well, you just got to run down to gas station down there at the corner, which is like a quarter of a mile. So I go, I cross the street. I'm walking in front of these sorority houses. Party everywhere, right? Party everywhere.

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So I've got a roadie in my hands. I'm now like six, seven Bud Lights in, and I don't really make it to the gas station in the most direct way. I kind of walk through the grass. I pour myself a beer from the keg. I'm just enjoying myself. I'm walking in. I'm talking to people.

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Yeah, I didn't go to college, so now I'm getting the college experience, hanging out with the sorority and fraternity guys. And by the way, I wasn't the only 30-year-old doing that. There was, like, lots of people just, like, partying everywhere.

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Only one you'll ever need. Five minutes or less. Raw Dog It. Raw Dog It.

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So there were two bars at the end of the street, like the strip mall. It was a Mexican restaurant that was a bar, and then it was, like, a bar bar, and then a gas station. So I walk in the front door of the Mexican restaurant... I order a Bud Light. There are a ton of kids in this place. Just all drinking. Male, female, everything.

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And there is a young lady sitting at the bar when I ordered the drink. And she's staring at me. And I'm like, hey, what you doing? And she's like, getting ready for homecoming. This is crazy, isn't it? And I'm like, yeah. And she goes, you are handsome. And I was like, oh, well, thank you. And she's like, meet me here after the game. That's what she says to me.

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And I take that Bud Light and I pound it, knowing that I got to get back and jump the turnstile because I don't have a ticket, right? And I don't think much of it. I have no idea how old this girl is. I'm guessing in her 20s, you know, like mid-20s. But I don't really know. I mean, they don't ask for an ID, right? She looks adult, but she doesn't look like, you know, she's not 40.

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And I go and I grab my cigarettes and I go back. And so now I have to jump the turnstile of the Clemson thing. This guy, you know what he did? He's like, I'm going to take the ticket. And then I'm going to get the ticket stub because they only check the ticket stubs. And then you run to the opposite side of the stadium.

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You like that, when I kind of swooped in? Uh-huh. You'll have to check that out on YouTube.com.

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And then I'm going to give you the ticket stub because I'm uncomfortable about actually jumping.

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I'm like, I'm an adult. Why don't I just buy a ticket? He's like, there ain't no more tickets left. It's Clemson. And I'm like, okay, I don't fucking know. By the way, this is long before Clemson was good at football this last time they were good at football. They weren't that good at this point in time. But I'm like, I don't want to just try to like, it's a big area.

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You walk into these gates and then there are ticket takers, right? But if you're sneaky enough, you can kind of like sneak in behind someone and just head for the hills, right? Just dart, I guess. I don't know. But I'm not a ticket jumper. Like, that's not what I'm going to do.

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The commercial break!

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So he's trying to explain to me how he's going to throw me the ticket stub from the balcony and then I'm going to catch it in the trees and then I'm going to walk back in and say I left and whatever. I'm like, no, okay, fine. I'll jump the turnstile. I'll do that. Well, everyone's walking in and I'm going in behind him. And then he's like making this ruckus about his tickets.

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Hey, that guy who does Dr. Phil, is it Ryan Long who does Dr. Phil? Do you know who I'm talking about? The comedian who does the Dr. Phil live show?

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Like he drops his ticket. You know, he's trying to create a distraction. And I like sneak in sideways. And as I'm moving to the side, what do I run into? A security guard. And he's like, ticket. And I'm like, he has my ticket. Yeah. And then this guy is just like counting them twice. He's like, one, two, three. And then he's like putting behind four, five, six.

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Seven, eight, nine. Yeah, sleight of hand. And the security guard is like, you don't have enough tickets. And he's like, I thought I had seven. I don't know what happened.

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and he's like go he just says go right and i'm like oh thank god this isn't the first time yeah this isn't the first time and it's not the last time apparently this happens a lot we go we watch the game well the thing that sucks about the game is that there's no alcohol served at the game at this time there's no booze served at the game that's still a thing yeah so i'm coming down i'm like fuck this like you know okay yeah i mean day drinking only works if you keep drinking

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Yeah. And they're playing like West Kentucky Tech. You know what I'm saying? It's a homecoming game. It's an easy school. It's 40 to zero by the time it's the first quarter is over. So I'm like, ah, whatever. Halfway over halfway through the game. I'm like, I'm going to go back to the and everybody agrees. Let's just go back to the car and we'll start drinking.

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And by the way, the stadium is half empty at this point. Like nobody's there to be everyone wants to get back to partying. So we start drinking again. And within an hour, I picked up right where I left off. My buzz is good. And ding, the light bulb goes off. Oh, I got to meet that girl at the bar. So what do I do? I walk back to the bar and no fucking hairy shit.

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No.

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Have you seen this? Uh-uh. I think we've talked about it briefly on the show. There's another podcaster and comedian. I think his name is Ryan Long. And he does, like, he gets a bald cap on. He dresses up like Dr. Phil. And he does a whole live show called Dr. Phil Live. Oh, wow. Where he goes up and he pretends he's Dr. Phil. He talks to celebrities. He interacts with the audience.

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Is that girl there with her friends hanging out? And she's like... you know, hanging out, drinking. I'm like standing there trying to get her to notice me. Like clearly she'll remember me. She has no fucking, like she's not even paying attention. She has no idea who I am. She's not doing the sticky eyes at all. She's doing the dirty eyes. Like why is this guy staring at me?

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And so finally I walk up and I go, hey, can I buy you a drink? Remember me? And she goes, oh. Not really. I was like, we met before the game. You told me to meet you here. And she's like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right. Oh, yeah. You know, I'll take a drink. Drink. Two drinks. Three drinks. Now I'm like 45 minutes in.

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And at some point, however it happened, whichever it happened, I'm not even sure because I do not have this kind of game. I am not John Anthony. I am not, you know, Adam the Liar. But all of the sudden we are kissing, like making out in the bar.

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kissing and making out and then i realized i've been gone an hour and 15 minutes and my blackberry i've like missed like 12 text messages and phone calls because he's like i gotta go the kids gotta go to bed you know whatever so i'm like oh shit well listen i gotta go i'm sorry she's like oh no no no no let me give you my phone number and then call me and then you know next you know i live up in anderson or whatever she says you know i could come down to atlanta whatever i'm like oh okay give me i'll put it in my phone blah blah blah blah

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I don't wait an hour before I text this girl. And what do I get? I get, this number doesn't exist. I get a total fuck you. The number doesn't exist. It's a totally fake phone number. It doesn't exist. There's nowhere for it to go. Text messages just bounce. My BBMs just bounce. That's it. BBM, if you remember that. The BBM just bounces, and I am lost in it. So here's my point.

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staring at someone at a college bar is not a particularly like, I don't think it's an effective tactic, but then you don't even need it. You don't just go to a college bar and hang out for long enough. And a lovely guy or girl, whatever your favor is, is going to find you because that's what you're doing. You're all partying and having a good time, letting your hair hang out.

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It's the time of life when you just go and have fun and kiss strangers and Drink and accept shots from people. I mean, be smart about it, right? Be smart about it. Always get consent. But have fun. Like, you don't need tips and tricks and hacks. You just need to be yourself. You'll be okay unless you're a total asshole. And I know a few of those. Yeah, then you should change.

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Then you should change. Yeah, then you need therapy. Skip the college bar. Go to the therapy.

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Yes. But there is no hack to therapy. getting attracted to someone or someone getting attracted to you. There is no hack. It's a magic. It's a magic formula that even the best of scientists, nor the quantum witch can solve for you. You'll figure it out. You just got to get, put yourself out there, go to the bar, grab a pack of cigarettes, walk into the Mexican restaurant.

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When you're on your way to grab a pack of cigarettes, put yourself out there, start smoking cigarettes, drink lots of Bud Light. Jump the gate at the Clemson game and, you know, be unscrupulous in general. You will find your human being. They are out there. There's plenty of us. And there's lots of them.

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I'm reading all these sad stories about this generation of kids that's growing up now, these 20-somethings and late teens. They are the least laid. They are the least relationship involved. They are the least optimistic that they'll ever have relationships that are meaningful, like romantic relationships that are meaningful.

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It's really funny, but my impression is better. That's all I got to say. Okay. You want to do a Phil off? We'll do a Phil off. I can do a Phil off. This is going to be a changing day in your life, I'm telling you right now. Grass greener on the other side, isn't it? Dr. Phil has found his way into controversy and infamy. He has been quite the nudnik as of late, running around.

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And that to me is very sad, but I understand why it's because you've never just put the screen down for a minute and walked into a bar and gotten yourself into a little bit of good trouble. You know what I mean? Good trouble. That's okay.

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Yeah, like drugs. Drugs are perfect for your late teens and early 20s. Now put them down by your mid-20s or else, you know, then shit starts going sideways. But this is the time of your life. Go have the time of your life. Get in trouble without getting arrested. That's the good kind of trouble. Find a few strangers. Make new friends. Have an adventurous night.

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Do something that doesn't involve a screen and staying at home, wishing things were different. And I promise you, I promise you, you may not get laid every time, but it eventually will happen if you want it to. Take advice.

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From Uncle Brian.

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Good trouble. I don't want to encourage anybody to get in actual trouble. I just want them to get in the good kind of trouble. You know, the kind of trouble where you end up, you know, making out with somebody at the bar.

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Yeah. What's wrong with that, Chrissy? What's wrong with that?

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Skinny dipping?

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Yeah.

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Skinny dipping is good trouble?

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Uh, you know...

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breaking onto the golf course at 3 in the morning and smoking a joint and laying a blanket down and giving each other mutual massages. That's a good kind of trouble. Been there, done that. Yeah. Find a massage friend. I guarantee you're going to have some fun with that one. I used to have a massage friend. That's what we called each other, massage friends.

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What's that?

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No, I don't think so. I don't know who you're thinking about, but I don't think so. I don't think so. I'm not going to say that. Find yourself an Eastern European angry friend. You know what I'm saying? Find somebody. And you guys agree to just have the good kind of trouble. An Eastern European angry friend. Okay. That's the good kind of trouble. That's the good kind of trouble.

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Just make sure you don't get on their bad side. All right. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, contents, ideas. We're taking them all right at that phone number. We'd love to hear from you. Text message or voicemail. If you have something you want to say to us, call in, leave it on the voicemail, and you could be the next voice that opens up the commercial break.

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Also, we are imploring you, please go follow us on Instagram at thecommercialbreak. You'd be a doll face if you do it on TikTok, too, though we don't post there as often. Listen, I can only do so much. But TCB Podcast on TikTok, youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak for all the episodes the same day they air here on the audio feed. Go check out the new studio floors at tcbpodcast.com.

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All the audio, all the video, and your free sticker at the Contact Us page. No muss, no fuss. Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today. I think so. I'll tell you that I love you.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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What happened to the Dr. Phil show? Couldn't he continue to do that? I don't know.

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I get ass.

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My mom liked it.

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Catching people near the border? Make sure everything's going okay. Oh, really? Okay. All right. Dr. Phil. Yeah, this is the part that really kind of gets me. And I don't want to go. I'm not going to go off on a tangent. So stay tuned. Don't press pause just yet. Not going to go off on a tangent. I'm just going to say this and this will be it.

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It surprises me and it infuriates me at times how content creators and other celebrities are just jumping over themselves.

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to lick the balls of you know political figures that otherwise we would have just had a kind of a healthy distrust of like a a little bit of i don't know like a little bit of uh i don't think i trust that guy because he's a politician but now everybody's like licking the balls as quick as they can and i get it because you don't certainly don't want to be on the bad side of a certain political party that may or may not exact revenge upon you but then at the same time like shouldn't we

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We have like a little healthy disdain for our politicians and our higher ups in our government. Doesn't matter who's in power. They're all going to fuck you. And so you might as well have a you know, just keep one eye open when you're dealing with these people and to just run to get in the middle of the fray in the fracas so that you can take it, you know.

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Him and Judge Judy were the number one syndicated television shows in daytime TV. And daytime TV pays a shitload of money because it gets syndicated all over the place. And they throw those, I don't know, Tide commercials in there, and everybody loves it. General Mills and Tide, they all spend their money in the afternoon, and that's big money. You can make a Dr. Phil show probably for $50,000.

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If you have the set ready, you could probably make it without Phil's salary. You could probably make it for $50,000.

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Yeah. Yeah, it was Oprah. Thanks, Oprah. See, even Oprah, you should have a healthy disdain and distress for. Now, I like Oprah. I don't know her, but I can't say too much. I like Oprah because my mom liked Oprah. Oh, I love Oprah. I love Oprah because my mom Ballsy, a woman as she is, decided to do the following. Let me tell you the story.

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There was a famous period of time with the Oprah Winfrey show when Oprah was everything. Oprah was everything in the 90s. Everything. And they used to run these commercials. And here was the tagline. It was like a promo commercial for Oprah. And they'd be showing clips of her show. And there'd be a little ditty in the background. And that ditty was Oprah's on.

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Right. So the thing was, everybody was saying, oh, Oprah's on. We got to go watch Oprah. So my mom picked us up from school one time, three o'clock. That carpool was no joke. Sometimes you get stuck there till 315, 330, just waiting for your kids to get to your car. It was a holy shit of a process like it is now with my kids. It's like, holy fuck, this is so inefficient. Why do we do it this way?

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But anyway, that's not for me to decide. That's for me to suffer through. I'm not going to decide things I'm going to suffer through. So my mom picks us up.

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swear to god driving through my neighborhood and there are a number of stop signs but we're in this neighborhood that no cop has ever visited for any reason besides maybe some drama that happened inside the neighborhood cops don't sit there and clock people it's a neighborhood like a private neighborhood well my mom blows through a stop sign and when the cop pulls her over my mom is so agitated that she tells the police officer can you hurry up oprah's on

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Oprah's on. My mom had to make it to see Oprah. She's willing to kill her kids. Did he?

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He did not speed things up. In fact, I think he slowed them down. I would say so. Yes, because that's the way it works. It's not a great excuse. But my mom had been watching Oprah since we were kids in Chicago when she had a non-syndicated show when it was just broadcast locally. And it was a different type of show back then. But I just remember my mom would cry at the Oprah show.

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She would laugh at the Oprah show. It was like Oprah was her best friend. And so for me as a little child, as a toddler and a little kid, why?

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She was what?

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Auntie Oprah. That's what it felt like. Yes. It felt like I had an extra aunt and her name was Oprah. And Oprah was omnipresent in our lives. And whatever Oprah said went. So I have an affinity for Oprah. It doesn't mean that Oprah's done all the most wonderful things in the world, including hoarding land in Hawaii. But okay, let's get past that. She dropped a holy shit bomb on us twice.

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Not once, but twice. With Dr. Phil and then Dr. Oz. God damn it. Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz Oprah? Really?

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And I didn't see the Oprah Winfrey network running from that. Do you know what I'm saying? They collected that cash. That's all I got to say. I didn't see her running from that. Dr. Phil? Listen, at first, Dr. Phil? Yeah, yeah. Straight talk. Straight talk, Dr. Phil. You know, my husband's cheating on my wife's cheating on my uncle cheating on my brother.

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And he'd be like, there's going to be a change day in your life. Do you think you should be sticking your dick in your mother?

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no well that's right you shouldn't be sticking your dick in your mother let's let's let's talk turkey here guys and girls we shouldn't be sticking dicks in our mothers you understand you agree with me and everybody be like oh finally someone said it you shouldn't have sex with your mother and it was dr phil and we're all like dr phil a little straight talk when it's needed that's right but then it turned into like catch me outside girl like you know what i'm saying catch me outside

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He was doing, it was straight up.

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Jerry Springer show. That's right. They devolve. And if you've watched the Jerry Springer Netflix documentary, which is very good, by the way, then you'll see how quickly that happened. Because guess what? That's where the ratings are. We love a train wreck. Yeah. And to me, Dr. Phil, toward the end, a lot of it was just like poverty porn, if I'm being honest.

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It was just bringing on a lot of people who didn't have a lot of money, were in tough situations that probably any of us could find ourselves in. But they happened to be in it and then exploiting that situation for ratings, sometimes in three or four episodes. But Ryan Long does a pretty funny Dr. Phil.

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Be funny. Hurry up. Be funny. Hurry up and be funny. Yeah. I'll tell you what's not funny, Chrissy.

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Puke. Puke is not funny. I don't find puke to be funny. No. I hate puke.

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Well, I mean, I don't think there's any. I don't know. There are puke lovers out there. There is a sexual fetish. No. Yes. No. I'm not even kidding. Not even joking.

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Yeah, well, hey, listen, I'm not putting it in your vagina. I'm just putting it in your mind. There's a sexual fetish out there for people who puke. They like to be puked on. That's a thing. I don't know. I know. Absolutely horrid.

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We all went to school, and every school had that bag of orange-flavored sawdust that they would throw on puke that did nothing but make the puke smell like orange-flavored puke. Yeah, it was bad. It was bad.

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Oh, yeah. I still smell it to this day. As a matter of fact, I went into my kid's school the other day, and there was a pile of that orange. It was present. Yeah, they still use the same shit to suck up the puke.

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Yeah, isn't there like something, like a puke machine? Don't they have like a puke robot that comes and like, you know, I will now clean up your puke? Yes, there should be. Or something. There should be. We need to invent that. Boston Dynamics needs to invent. Screw all that soldier bullshit.

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Invent a robot that goes and cleans up puke on your behalf without making it smell like orange deodorant puke. Do you know what I'm saying?

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Yes. It's got a big mouth on the bottom of it, like a fish mouth, and it just sucks up the puke. It puts it in a bag, like a sanitary bag, and then it drives it to a far-off location and puts it on a rocket and sends it to outer space. Yeah, it explodes. That's right. Because puke and shit.

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I mean, if you know me, if you listen to the show, then you will know that I just have a real problem with pee-pee-poo-poo and puke. It's like bodily fluids are not my thing at all.

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And then I had 30 kids. And now they're all, it's coming out of every direction. It really is. Yeah. It was a couple years ago when two of my kids got sick at the exact same moment, and Astrid happened to be out with her friends that night, and they got sick at the exact same moment. One sat up out of bed, like shot up like something out of the exorcist, and just started projectile vomiting.

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And then the other one who was in the same bed rolled over and started vomiting over the side of the bed within seconds of each other. It was insane. And so here I am carrying both kids, running into the bathroom, disrobing them, putting them in the shower,

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Well, that was a couple years ago, and then we had the projectile vomiting incident on the way home from my dad's house one time where the entire car was full of puke. I mean, my kid could not stop throwing up, and it was projectile, and it was gross. Well, the other night... As I do, Chrissy, I was taking my third shower of the day. That's my wrap-up shower, my wrap-up shower for the night.

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Try and relieve some of my high blood pressure. I stand in the shower for 30 to 40 minutes, catching up on whatever television I haven't had an opportunity to watch yet. So I'm taking a shower. It's 11 o'clock, 1130 at night. And the door is closed. The door to my bedroom, the bathroom is closed. And I hear the most ungodly bang, like, boom, just a crashing sound.

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And I was, holy shit, what was that? Because everybody was asleep. And then as soon as I scream, what was that? Astrid comes popping through the door. Oh. Like a fucking Kool-Aid man, you know, crashing through the door with one of my youngest kids holding her, facing forward, arms outstretched, and all I can see is just puke just pouring out of this child's mouth.

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And I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. It's on the glass of the shower. It's splashing on the floor. And I say, give her to me. Give her to me. Why I said that, I have no idea, but I just thought I was trying to be helpful. Yeah, I didn't think she would actually do it. She gives her to me fully clothed. I'm in the shower completely naked.

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And now I've got this kid that's puking all over the place in my hands. Fully clothed, now sopping wet. So I undress her real quick in the shower. I put the clothes off to the side in the shower and I throw her up over the top of my shoulder. And I'm just like rocking her back and forth like, oh, it's okay. It's okay.

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Irrefutable proof that gentle sentimentalism can be a chief ingredient in a wonderful film. Yeah, it's old. It's sweet. I mean, it's really old. It plays a little slow, but I think if you watch it, if you've never seen it, you'll find it to be delightful. Tangerine. What? After hearing her boyfriend slash pimp cheated on her while she was in jail, a transgender worker at her. Hold on one second.

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I do see the logic, too. And now I understand how hard fought every single little inch of your brain is as far as a victory is concerned. It really takes a lot to make that brain form.

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Transgender worker during the holidays. Something or other. Tangerine. I do remember when this came out.

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The guy who directed this, Sean Baker, also directed, I think it's Sunshine State. And that was a movie about kids that live in a motel right outside of Disney World. Yes.

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Yeah, it was kind of depressing. But it was wonderfully acted.

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And it was made, obviously, on the cheap. And you can tell. But I liked the tone and texture of the movie. Tangerine, I think, is another film by the same guy and apparently is wonderful. I think it won or it was nominated for Oscars. Number three is the most recent addition to this list. The Holdovers starring Paul Giamatti. Is it really?

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But it'll make you cry, right? uh no i mean it's sweet there's sweet parts of it but it's good i just i love paul giamatti anything that he does he is so fucking good and has been good in almost every single thing that he has done the shop around the corner gets a rousing 99 directed by ernst loomstick from a smart and a funny script uh

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The Shop Around the Corner is a romantic comedy in the finest sense of the term. That is number two. Never seen it, never heard of it.

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Okay, there you go. Christina, putting it all together for us.

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You are a good addition to this studio. All right, and number one, are you ready for this? You're never going to guess. Meet Me in St. Louis gets 100%. Oh, meet me. A disarmingly charming musical led by an outstanding cast with Judy Garland, Margaret O'Brien, Meet Me in St. Louis offers a holiday treat for all ages. It's a classic MGM romantic musical comedy that focuses on four sisters.

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Some of my kids get it quicker than others, but they take after their father. after their father. So Merry Christmas. I hope you're having a wonderful holiday. I hope you're enjoying with family, friends, or no one if that's what you choose to do or if you celebrate something else. Maybe you're getting the day off work. Maybe you're going to have a meal.

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I'm surprised White Christmas isn't in that list anywhere. Christmas Vacation is not in the top 35. At least White Christmas might be there. Oh, White Christmas is number 36. So there you go. Christmas Vacation is not anywhere. But you don't expect Christmas Vacation to get any respect from the critics. But there's a couple movies that you would think would be much higher up on there.

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And I wouldn't think that that would be number one. But okay, it's number one.

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All right, Frankie B., we're going to get back to him. We're in the middle of his dating tracks.

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Rock it. But first, I would like to tell you about our fifth and final charity we are discussing here on the commercial break to shed a little light and hopefully grab a few bucks out of your pocket to do some good this holiday season and certainly during the 12 days of TCB. And that is DAV, Disabled American Veterans.

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The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now. There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus.

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This is an organization who, unlike some other very famous veterans organizations out there spending a ton of money on marketing, do not spend all their money paying their CEO and having parties. These men and women, they provide food, shelter, and assistance to Americans who fought on our behalf and came back little less than on the way. And they came back different.

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They came back hurt, injured, disabled in some way, shape, or form. It's a huge problem. Whether you believe in the war or don't believe in the war, the fighting or the not fighting, that doesn't make a difference because once it's done, they come back and they desperately need our help and they should be the first ones in line to receive it because they have done at least, at least something.

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altruistically, they're trying to do their part to keep us safe and free in the United States. So no matter how you politically feel, no matter how you feel about war or fighting, we must take care of our veterans. They're most in need. And this is an organization that I've done some research on, and I feel strongly the money is going to the right place. DAV.org.

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Christina's going to put a link in the show notes. Donate to any of the causes that we've been talking about for the 12 days of TCB. God bless our men and women, uh, who are away this holiday season, uh, fighting for our freedom. Let's take a break and we'll be back.

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Maybe you're going to go watch a Christmas movie or just go to the theater and watch one of these fantastic movies that's out right now. Wicked, Gladiator, the shark version, or I don't know. What else is out there? Red One. What is it? Red One, the...

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And we're back celebrating Christmas with you. Aren't you excited? Look how excited everybody is. I think we're just excited that this fucking shit is over. No, actually, like I said, I think this has actually been a ton of fun. I look forward to hopefully repeating it in 2025 if our network continues to employ us. Yeah, this has been a ton of fun.

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We got a very nice gift from our network, by the way.

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We did. Oh, I got mine, yeah.

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Yeah, we don't talk about them a whole lot because we just don't talk about our networks a whole lot unless they don't pay us and then we talk about them a whole bunch. But our network is Odyssey. And while we're at it, the Odyssey has a great app you can listen to podcasts on, local radio stations. I think they're going to even include video coming up here very soon.

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So if you want a new app to listen to your stuff on, the home of the commercial break is Odyssey. It's a free app, free to download, free to listen to us. There's no noise gate. Listen to us anywhere you want to. But I'm just giving a shout out to Odyssey because they're very good to us. And I've been snacking on the stuff that they gave us for Christmas. There you go. Hey, there you go.

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All right, so yesterday on Christmas Eve, we gifted you with the only present we could think to give all of our listeners that would satisfy the entire crew, and that would be a brand new Frank Bernardo video. Bernardo video. I've been saying Bernardo for the longest time. It's Bernardo. Yeah. Frank Bernardo is our lovely Cuddle Bowl. Cuddle Bowl? Cuddle Bowl Bowl? Yeah. How do you say that?

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What's Baby Girl?

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Our large-necked, leather-necked friend. He's got veins in his chin. Yeah, you've been working out too hard when you have veins in your chin.

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He's an expert in all things fitness, fashion, fun, and? Lifestyle. Lifestyle. Lifestyle.

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Please, get it right. If you're going to be Frankie, talk like Frankie. All right, so let's get back to it. We are in, this is video number two. We reviewed three. Now we're going backwards to two. Video number two of Frankie B's dating traps. He says that he put these three videos together because it was in such popular demand. That he had to do it. All right. Okay. He's in his car for this one.

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So if there's a little background noise, it's not our fault. It's his fault.

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Oh, wait. Hold on. That's yesterday. That's another video altogether. All right. Let's press play on that one and hopefully it'll work.

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Oh, it's out? Okay, Baby Girl. There you go. Maybe that's out. Or maybe you're in the middle of the 24 Hours of a Christmas story, which has got to be the sentimental favorite for best Christmas movie ever. National Lampoon's Vacation, Elf. We've talked about them all. There's a lot of them out there. Family Stone is one of my favorites, though it's on no one's top ten list. It's okay. I like it.

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Yeah, those are commercial break listeners and they're just poking you along. Hey, commercial break listeners, email Frank Bernardo and tell him despite the fact that he has a girlfriend, we desperately need content ideas.

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He never does that. He never quite figured that out, by the way. So many of his videos are, he mentions other videos in so many of his videos, and he says he's going to put a link to them. He never does this. So you might want to watch that. By the way, 100% safe to be driving down the highway filming yourself.

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I'm putting together... Look out, greater Chicagoland area, for a large-necked guy driving a brand new Tesla.

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I don't think there's anything structured about your content, Frankie. I think the only content creators with less structured content is the commercial break.

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Thrusted. Thrusted. I put an E.D. on the end of it, Chrissy. That's how we do it in the greater Chicagoland area.

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I'm going to explain exactly what my last girlfriend did to me so you don't get caught up in the same trap. In the dating trap.

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Whoa. By the way, the people in that bucolic fucking suburb of Chicago must love it that he's bowling wheelies in the kids' parking lot of the local park. lifestyle, biking, fashion, golfing, trees, fitness, pumping iron, tits, ogling girls, lotions, parasailing, walking away from the camera.

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Here's the worst part about this whole video. Not only is he driving down the highway filming this video staring at the camera, but he most obviously does not have a phone holder. He is actually holding it with his hand. He's done this before. I know. This is so unnerving, actually.

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Hey, listen, Chrissy, when the audience says this is what I want, this is what I'm going to give you. Give them what they want, Chrissy.

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You know what I'm saying? And so I look forward. Obviously, we're not recording this on Christmas Day. I look forward to celebrating with my family. The kids will open the Santa Claus presents. That is pure fucking joy.

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I'm not a guy who's going to look at words, Chrissy. I'm going to give you the actual on the ground, in the streets, in the bed kind of action. That's right. When I'm giving you thrusts, I know about the thrust. I've thrusted myself. When I say thrusted, it comes straight from my brain. I thrust it.

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That's so subscribe.

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Please give the video. You can do it at three o'clock. You can do it at four o'clock. If you want to come back at five o'clock, set an alarm, do it at seven o'clock. After you eat, before you eat, don't take a shower, take a shower. I don't care. Want to do it minute number one, minute number four, minute number seven, hit the subscribe button. Thanks.

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Your hair follicles are planted. Frankie's hair follicles are yelling and screaming. You got loads ready and all tied up, ready to rock.

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I realized when my first child was... Really, when he was one, he could open up the presents. Like, he ripped them. But he didn't understand what was going on. When he was two, he started to get excited about opening up presents and seeing them. When he was three, I think, and now that most of my kids are reaching the age of, kind of that age, they all understand what Santa Claus is.

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Chrissy, I've said this before and I'm going to say it again. If she's not on your knees blowing you the second you walk in the door, something's wrong. It's not matching. It's not matching.

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Is this the kind of woman that's ever going to shut the fuck up? Am I going to be allowed to watch football and go golfing, take vacations to Las Vegas without a lot of yammering? Or is this girl just going to keep talking? Now... If you ask my opinion, I'd prefer them without mouths. But a lot of guys like the mouths. That's just the way it is. I don't know. I'm old school. I'm old school.

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What can I say?

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If it starts out that way, all right, it usually... Trends are trends, meaning they come and they go.

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Oh, yeah, dancers and prancers, welcome back to the final day of the 12 days of TCB. That's actually the 13 days of TCB that will be the 20 days of TCB once we actually finish it. I'm Brian Green. This is my co-host and my dear friend Kristen Joy Hoardley. Merry Christmas. Best to you, Kristen.

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The beautiness. That's a word I just made up in my own little noggin right there. I got words. I got the best words. All the words. Look at that. My beautiness. He is such a chauvinist. He really is. You know what he's saying? If a woman talks too much, if she has an opinion, if she's opinionated about something.

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Yeah, even disagrees in any way, shape, or form.

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If she's asking for an orgasm also and you've already finished, Chrissy, it's trouble. It doesn't fit. It doesn't match. Your sexiness needs to match her ability to shut the fuck up and do what you want her to. If she does that, then you give her a chance. One, maybe two times she gets out of line. Okay, I understand. Women are wild. You never know what they're going to do.

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But if she keeps on yammering, Chrissy, pull the plug immediately. I'm telling you right now. It's a trap. It's nothing but trouble. It's a trap. It's like a little wolf trap.

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Get you right in the leg.

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It's beautiness. That's what it is. It doesn't match the beautiness. If her mouth doesn't match the beautiness, then you're out. Well, thing again.

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Do you know how easy it is to date in 2024? There's literally people dropping from the sky. You'll have no problem picking up another girl. If she's got an opinion, let her go.

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They all understand what presents is. And I'm being real sentimental and sincere when I say there is no joy like watching a child open up a gift that they really want. It is just like magic. It's okay. And I wish that they would stay this age forever, yet I can't wait until they get old enough to wipe themselves. That's all I ask for. Could they wipe themselves and stay this age forever?

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Yes, because I'm seeing the same building over and over again, by the way. And I know Chicago. All right. So first of all, second of all, here's the music I imagine is playing in Frankie's head. Yeah. He went from, if a girl, if it doesn't match her, if her beauty doesn't match her mouth, then you got to let her go. Don't worry about it. Plenty of other girls are there.

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If you're on the dating apps all day long looking for girls, you're doing it the wrong way. I mean, he has made no points whatsoever. It's not a dating trap, Frankie. It's your personal opinion. It's your personal preference to have a woman who is not attractive. Strong character. And that's okay. Okay. Listen, it takes all kinds.

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There's plenty of men and women who are not dominant in any situation, let alone in a relationship. That's fine. But the way that you're presenting this makes it seem like all guys should be dominant to submissive women. And if they're not, then that's a bad fit altogether. You're really painting a very broad stroke here, if I'm being honest. Here comes that same building again.

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Oh, he's stopping at the gas station.

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That's insane. The camera is now turned around. This is not the first time Frankie has done this. Frankie has been in other car rides where he stopped to get his Dunkin' Donuts coffee. And he's also randomly just all of a sudden he's, I'm going to go eat lunch.

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Anything else?

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This episode is sponsored by Dunkin' Donuts. This chauvinism is sponsored by Dunkin' Donuts.

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What do you want, a fucking award, you jackhole? See that? Okay, you're not human. We get it. Your follicles are fake. Your Botox is on point. Your neck is huge and you don't eat donuts.

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Do you know how proud my children are of me? They love seeing these videos come out. My five daughters love these videos. They think it's the greatest. We love you, Dad. That's what they say. We love you, Dad. We're going to commit you to an institution, Dad.

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Who are you talking to? He's on FaceTime now. I know. I wasn't going to say anything to you, but you could lose a few pounds.

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That would be fantastic. So, yeah, really exciting. Here we are, Christmas Day. Here we are. We're going to continue with Frankie B and his dating traps with his lifestyles and all that other stuff. We're going to continue with that after the break. But I thought I would take a moment, Chrissy. Earlier in the 12 Days of TCB, we reviewed the top 20...

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Oh, yeah. Oh, he's good. First, we're right to left. Now we're left to right. That's a Mercedes Benz, by the way. Pay special attention to it.

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Now, go! Kettle, it's the pot. I'm just giving you a ring to have a smart conversation.

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Christina, I mean, you've been with us for a long time, but not the entirety of the commercial break. Chrissy and I know this because we know Frankie so well, especially in that season two and three when we did so many of these videos. He is ultimately makes no fucking point. And he says the same thing over and over again using different words.

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And made up words.

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Yeah, made up words. He makes them up. Yeah. And as many words as his little brain can figure out. I mean, honestly, this guy is such a dude, Nick.

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Oh, here we go. All right, well, let's do this. Why don't we take a short break? Before we let all the fun roll out in just one take, why don't we take a short break, and then when we get back, we'll do the rest of this. Please donate to today's 12 Days of TCB Cause. It's our fifth and our final, and it's a good one. Disabled American Vets. DAV.org. We'll put a link in the show notes.

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They provide food, housing, assistance, medical needs for veterans who come back wounded or otherwise not feeling all that great. They're doing great work, and I've never seen a commercial for DAV, which tells me that most of the money is going straight to the cause intended, which is the disabled veterans that fight for our freedom. All right, we'll be back.

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All right, here we go into the homestretch, girls. We're on our way. All right, Frankie B is back giving us the second of what I'm sure will be three incredibly informative dating trap tips. He's talking about how we can tell a woman is a Narcissist. Let's go. The biggest sign.

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Christmas movies as determined by town and country. Don't ask me how I came upon that list. The experts, of course. But I think the real experts would probably be Rotten Tomatoes because they take thousands, tens of thousands, millions of ratings from different users around the world.

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What I meant to say was context, but in that content. Are you noticing how beautiful my teeth are? Because Ice made a lot of money for those teeth. Yes, he did. Those dentures are on point, Frankie. I love them. Are you noticing that one of his eyes is like, first of all, his teeth are very, very straight. I mean, incredibly straight.

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Yeah, obviously. And then one of his eyes is like a different color than the other one. Am I right about that?

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Okay, I'm colorblind, so I don't know. I think the other reason why he turned around the camera is because he doesn't want you to realize.

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At first I thought he might be driving a Tesla that might be self-driving itself, but then I recognized that this is actually a Mercedes-Benz. They do not self-drive themselves. This is dust. Brian, you don't need to say self-drive yourself. It already knows. Self-driving is a descriptive word. All right. Now I sound like Frankie B. Now we're all going to hell in a handbasket.

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It's been a long Christmas. Yeah, it's the beautiness of it.

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By the way, this is so off base. I know plenty of narcissists, people that are not narcissists that question me. And that is not the definition of narcissist. Narcissist is a clinical diagnosis that needs to be made by someone who is actually able to make that diagnosis. But it's so much more involved than just someone who talks over you.

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Well, he's the narcissist, I think. So then he just thinks everybody else is too.

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He went to the other hand with the camera and there's that building again. He really is driving around the Chicago loop right now.

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What's your best idea, Chrissy? He's getting worked up. He is so hot under the collar because he just got dumped by a narcissist, in his opinion.

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Oh, it always comes sliding out the ooey gooey sides, doesn't it, Frankie? You can't help yourself.

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I do normally trust this Rotten Tomatoes.

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You're really, this is your video to your ex-girlfriend.

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Letting her know what a shithead she was and how wonderful you are. And by the way, this is such specific information that it can only be, it's like an audience of one. You know, sometimes they say with Donald Trump that people like, you know, politicians or people on the news, they'll be talking to an audience of one.

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He's talking to an audience of one, and that is his recent ex-girlfriend.

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They say words and they won't blow you when you want to. It just turns into one big fucking fuffle.

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Listen, Frankie, there has never been a woman that you've been in a relationship... A room that you've walked into where your opinion hasn't been known because that's who you are. I promise you, you have never been in a relationship with a woman who has asserted 100% dominance. You couldn't tolerate it. You couldn't tolerate it in a conversation, let alone a relationship. That's just who you are.

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Well, I remember this movie coming out. I remember briefly seeing the commercial for it.

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I want to point out here, first of all, he's saying the same thing. He's getting very aggressive. He's getting very aggressive and he's yelling, first of all. Second of all, Frankie is in the far left lane, driving much faster than everybody else, holding a cup of coffee in one hand and a phone in the other.

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Yes, of course. Would you expect that I would get it through the windshield? That makes for a bad shot, Chrissy. I'm going to put it out the window while I'm driving. Yes. He's going back on the loop. He's just going in a loop. So the final dating trap. Why did we just, what was that? I don't know. His videos are almost as bad as our trailers.

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When you have to say that, it's likely everyone's going to take it wrong. When you preface something by, don't take this the wrong way, it's because you know they're going to take it the wrong way. It sounds bad.

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So you would think all of those people together would make a good Christmas movie. But we've already seen that when Ben Affleck's in a Christmas movie, he usually doesn't do all that well. Let's be honest. What's the other one he's in? Four Christmases? Is that him in Four Christmases?

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It's his grievances around his last date. He has said this before, by the way. This is not the first time he has said this. I believe that a man should pay for every single thing. Don't even ask. Don't even break out your credit card. But if you want to pay for a cruise or a dinner or movies or my car payment every once in a while, I'm not going to complain. It's just a nice thing to do.

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You've been dating a girl for three, four... Oh, God, I know a guy like this. I know a guy like this, Chrissy. I'm going to tell you who it is after we get off here. Okay, okay. They want to pretend that they are the most chivalrous person in the world. And they would never think to have a woman pay. But the second she doesn't offer to pay, it's a problem.

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And it's like, dude, it's like being kind of pregnant. You're either going to say those words and never... People take scores. They're score takers. He's a score taker. He's a score taker. I've paid for everything since we've been started. You can't pay for a couple dinners. It's a score taking, right?

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If you're going to take score, you might as well admit from the beginning, I'd like you to pay for something.

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Oh, I the reason I've told Chrissy this before, the reason why I don't get into the real hot. Well, first of all, the Atlanta version just turned me off to any future. And I and I know some of the real housewives of Atlanta. And they're just as obnoxious and human and real life as they are on the screen. But the other reason why I don't get into it is because I fear that I'll get into it.

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Like I fear all of the sudden I'll be watching it because that's the kind of minutiae drama.

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And I know Salt Lake City would be good.

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Listen, I might as well just follow this all the way down the rabbit hole. Only women are listening to us on Spotify right now. Do it. Do it.

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We're going to be the most popular female comedy podcast available.

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That's Vince Vaughn? Well, Vince Vaughn.

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I know this.

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Yes, it's grievances. It's score taking. It's the worst kind of score taking. Fuck you, Frankie.

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I imagine if I'm a woman, I'm saying, let me show my appreciation for you by dealing with you, by being around you.

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Or you told them that you don't believe in a woman paying for anything.

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I'm waiting for a Chicago police officer to come behind him.

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Yeah, that would be awesome. Because he really is going very fast, weaving in and out of traffic while he's recording this video. Well, hey, let me get the drinks. Hey, let me get the dinner.

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Keep your money in your pocket for your period pads and stuff. You're going to need it for your makeup and your twinkly things. I got it. I'm a man. I'm a man. But you offered. And so you go down as one point on the scorekeeping.

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It's not a trap. If you tell a woman or anybody, please put your wallet away. I don't want you to pay for this. I am – I can be like this. I'll sneak off and I'll pay the waiter. Not every time, but sometimes. Sometimes I can get generous with my cash. And I go – and my wife hates it because sometimes I get a little over generous. But okay. And I'll go.

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The reason why I would sneak off and pay the waiter is I don't want an argument. I don't want anybody to keep score. It's just paid for and let's go. That's it. I just wanted to treat you. Is that okay? But I would never think, ever think...

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It's so true. And then you got assholes who want to count the amount of bites. You had like three bites of that egg roll. What do you think? There's like seven total bites of the egg roll. You had three or four dollars a piece. I think 250 would be good for you. Thanks.

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You're so right.

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I don't typically think of Four Christmases as a movie I need to watch, but okay.

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Oh, God. It's Wicked Part 2. We all got to subscribe. I can't wait for you to say.

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The exact same fucking thing both days. And you can go back and listen to the Commercial Breaks Christmas Eve episode, and I guarantee he said the same thing.

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Starlink. I'm going to put them all together, however that happens.

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The way he talks. You actually thought to read his name.

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oh there you go all right well frankie you have not given us any new content really not a lot of it in 2024 and maybe that's been a good thing that's allowed us to get away but we have completed the 12 days the 13 days the actual 13 days of gcb merry christmas to you All right. Enjoy it. I hope it's Christmas night and you're sitting by the fire listening to Brian talk about his balls.

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But you know what? I am looking for a new Christmas classic to put in my repertoire. I haven't had one in a long time. I think 8-Bit Christmas has become a good one to watch. You know 8-Bit Christmas?

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And I hope you had a wonderful Christmas, holiday, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, whatever it is that you celebrate. Nothing. Have you celebrate nothing? That's kind of sad, but okay. All right. You celebrate nothing. Please let us know how your holidays went. We would love to hear your stories because we're going to be fresh right back at you with season number six on January 6th.

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I think it is January 6th or 7th. Back with season number six. The same as season number five.

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We will be here New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. You've got a couple of TCB infomercials coming over the next couple of days. So we're going to round it out. I think we might only have to throw in a best of or two while we go and take some time off. But it's been a lot of fun. Good job. Good job, Christina.

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All right. The 13 days of TCB. There it is. Next year, we'll know what to call it. The 13 days of TCB. Or maybe I'll just move it back one day and it'll be the 12 days of TCB. All right, donate to any of the charities that we've been talking about over the last 13 days. The National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund, St.

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Jude's Hospital, the research hospital that takes care of children when they get diagnosed with terrible, life-threatening illnesses. The National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund is looking for a vaccine. They're looking for a cure, and they're helping women through some of the most difficult times of their life. Fuck cancer. Let's get it done also.

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The ASPCA, taking care of all the animals who need a little help, our furry little friends. Take care of your, get your, get your motherfuckers spayed and neutered. That's all I got to say. Most important thing you can do. That way you don't have any extra babies you can't take care of. You know what I'm saying? It's the right thing to do.

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This is so you and I, because it's 1980-something, right? And even though, yeah, it's probably around the time the first Nintendo has come out. They're in Chicago, and they want...

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Also, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, taking care of women and children as they leave abusive relationships, supporting local organizations, so important. And finally, the Disabled American Vets, DAV.org. Go donate to one of those causes. 212-433-3TCB, youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak for every episode on video, tcbpodcast.com.

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at The Commercial Break on Instagram, and TCB Podcast on TikTok. Okay, Christina, Chrissy, that's all I can do. I think so.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next year, we all will say...

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Zero out of 1052.

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nintendo for christmas it's a group of kids and how they plead with their parents and how they try and get the money together and how they you know trying to raise money to do all this other stuff and it's one of these movies it's seen from the kids point of view but it's made kind of i think for adults it's really good made by hbo it's on max right now eight bit christmas it's an easy watch it's an hour and 30 minutes long does it make you cry no because you like the crying i do like the crying why what's wrong with crying no no feel free to cry that's not my style

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You don't like movies that make you cry?

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And Merry Christmas and best to you out there in the podcast universe. It's Christmas Day. You've hung in there with us all the whole time. We've been suffering silently here at the studio. But we are exhausted, but we're going to bring it home.

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No, 8-Bit Christmas is not going to make you cry. I can promise you this. I mean, if 8-Bit Christmas makes you cry, then I think something's weird with you. Okay, ready? Rotten Tomatoes.

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Top 35. I'm going to go through these really quickly and then we'll get to Frankie B. Top 35 Christmas movies of all time. Number 35, A Muppet's Christmas Carol. With 86% fresh or 86% popcorn or whatever you call it. I don't know. It's fresh. Actually, they're doing this by the critics' score. So this is the critics.

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So you know by the time we get to the top five it's going to be terrible and no one watches them. The Muppets Christmas Carol gets a 77% by the critics. Ding! Christmas Eve at Miller's Point gets a 78. Christmas Eve at Miller's Point. I do think I've watched this one time before.

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Miller's Point.

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And I thought it was terrible. All right. Anna and the Apocalypse with a 77. The Apocalypse. Anna and the Apocalypse is a Christmas movie? What the fuck are you talking about? Bad Santa, number 32. Bad Santa is a good movie. Probably number 32 is where it stands in my mind, too. Ready for this? A Christmas Story, number 31. Well... How is that true?

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Yeah, I know. And, you know, I don't think the critics have ever liked this movie. I think it's just the people who like the movie.

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Yeah, I think we're... Well, I mean, somebody... People must like it. They play it 24 fucking hours a day from Christmas Eve to Christmas. That gets a 79%. The man who invented Christmas. This is exactly the type of shitty British... period piece that critics like. Number 30 comes in at The Man Who Invented Christmas. The author, Charles Dickens, is in financial trouble. Whatever. All right.

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While You Were Sleeping comes in at number 29. I love it on I remember watching this and I think it's okay. That's number 29. Batman Returns. What? Yes, Batman Returns. I think this is movies that came out during the Christmas time. Batman Returns comes in at 82%. Batman Returns, of course, the only turn that Michael Keaton took as Batman. The Happiest Season comes in at number 27. Never seen it.

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Who's that with? Kristen Stewart, Mackenzie Davis.

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We have been working like Santa's elves, cobbling away, whittling away up in the North Pole or the north of Atlanta, making brand new episodes of The Commercial Break every day for you. And the fun does not stop as tomorrow and Friday, we will also have brand new episodes for you with some guests. We have some TCB infomercials.

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Number 26. Elf. I would have put that a little bit higher.

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Gremlins comes in at number 25. Not in my Christmas classics, but okay. It's a fun movie.

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It does. A Christmas Tale with Catherine. This must be a French movie. A sharp black comedy about a chaotic family gathering. A Christmas Tale is always involving, thanks to an impressive ensemble cast. It's when the French steely matriarch, Learn she has leukemia. This is the kind of story that Chrissy doesn't want to watch this.

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23, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, which is a great movie, but I do not consider it a Christmas movie. I like this, though. Robert Downey Jr., Val Kilmer, Michelle Moynihan, Corbin Berenson. Trading Places. We have forgotten about this one.

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This is a fantastic Christmas flick. 89% by the critics. Featuring deft interplay between Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd, Trading Places is immensely appealing social satire. Yes, it is.

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Oh, thank you. Feeling good.

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Feeling good, Chrissy. That's right.

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Holiday horror. Leave it up to Rotten Tomatoes.

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I'm sorry. I need to make a change here. Number 31 was not a Christmas story. It was a Christmas story Christmas, the sequel that recently came out.

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I watched it, and I gotta say, good try.

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It did have everything to live up to, and it fell just short. And according to the critics, not that much shorter, because it comes in at number... Number 20 is the original Christmas story. Warmly nostalgic and darkly humorous, Christmas story deserves its status as a holiday perennial.

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Based on the humorous writings of author Gene Shepard, this beloved holiday film follows the wintry exploits of Ralphie and his brother. Okay. Rare exports. A Christmas tale. Rare exports. Rare exports. Oh, this is a... This is an Asian flick, I believe. Oh, no. This is not... I don't know. The Scandinavian, I think. Whatever. Edward Scissorhands, number 18.

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Never thought of that as a Christmas flick, but okay. The first collaboration between Johnny Depp and Tim Burton, Edward Scissorhands is a magical modern fairy tale with gothic overtones and a sweet center. I agree, but I don't think it's a Christmas movie. All right, Jingle Jangle, A Christmas Journey... Jingle Jangle A Christmas Journey comes in at number 17 with 91%.

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And then we'll be back with live episodes on New Year's Eve or fresh episodes on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. I shouldn't say live episodes because that's not correct. I actually spent an hour today trying to explain to my son the difference between real and live. Because he is so young, he made the assumption that everything that happens on television is live.

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Forrest Whitaker, Keegan-Michael Key, Hugh Bonneville, and Anika Noni Rose. It celebrates the Yuletide season with a holiday adventure whose exuberant spirit is matched by an uplifting message. Okay, never seen that, but maybe I will. Tokyo Godfathers comes in at number 16. Beautiful and substantive, Tokyo Godfathers adds a moving and somewhat unconventional entry to the animated Christmas canon.

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Oh, that sounds like something I might get into. Animated. And I like, yeah, no, I might watch that. Arthur Christmas comes in at number 15. I never was into Arthur, you know?

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Yeah, the Arthur movies.

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There's a lot of them, and yeah, I'm not into it. Little Women comes in at number 14, thanks to a powerhouse lineup of talented actresses. Jillian Armstrong's take on Louisa May Alcott's Little Women provides that timeless story, that a timeless story can succeed no matter how many times it's told, with Winona Ryder, Gabriel Byrne, and Samantha... Mathis. Okay. I don't think I ever saw that movie.

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Was it good? It's good, yeah. Did you like it? Little Women?

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The Apartment comes in at number 13, with Jack Lemmon, Shirley MacLaine, Ray Walston, and is directed by Billy Wilder. Billy Wilder's customary cynicism is leavened here by tender humor, romance, and genuine pathos. Whatever the fuck that means, I don't think I'll be watching that this Christmas. The Guardians of the Galaxy holiday special movie... Comes in at 12 with 94%?

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More stocking stuffer than a fully rounded out parcel. This Yuletide excursion is a delightful showcase for Drax, Mantis, and a very game Kevin Bacon. Wow. Okay. My kids will love that. I'll put that on. Number 11. I believe this is the right call. And number 11, Chrissy, comes Die Hard.

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Die Hard is a fantastic Christmas movie. It's the gift that keeps on giving. It is great no matter when you watch it. Bruce Willis at his finest in Die Hard. And like it says here, there are many imitators and sequels, but never have come close to matching the thrills and definitive holiday action of the original Die Hard starring Bruce Willis. Okay, here we go into the top 10.

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The holiday classic to define all holiday classics.

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I watched a little bit of it with my kids. They were not interested, so we turned it on to Bluey. Carol comes in at number nine.

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Shaped by Todd Haynes' deft direction and powered by a strong cast led by Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara, Carol lives up to its groundbreaking source material. What is this about?

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Another lesbian love story.

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He's like, yeah, daddy, when I watch Bluey, it's live, right? And I'm like, no, no, no, that's not it. When you watch a basketball game, it's live. It's happening right now. He's like, but Bluey's happening right now, too.

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Is it? When was this made? Oh, 2015.

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Okay. All right. It gets a 94 on the critic score here. Klaus comes in at number eight. Klaus. Beautifully hand-drawn animation and humorous.

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Yes. This is one that's on our saved list, so this might become a holiday classic for us. We'll see. Number seven. I do not agree with this whatsoever, but okay. Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas. A stunningly original and visually delightful work of non-stop motion animation. I do like it. I don't think it gets... I need to re-watch that. Yeah. Okay. Let's see here. Number...

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six little women another version of little women uh stellar cast and smart sensitive retelling of a classic source material gretta gerwig's little women that one was really good so that does beat out the other one that's the one with emma watson okay eliza scanlon okay is she in This is the 2019 version of Little Women.

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Who are both in the movie also. Okay. So number six. I don't think I've ever seen this. I don't think I've ever seen either version. So maybe I'll watch it. Miracle on 34th Street, the 47 version.

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you probably, probably could have pulled this off. Could have pulled off the greatest comeback in music history, music festival history, and people would have applauded the whole effort. You would have had a lot of haters along the way, but you would have put them to bed when you did it the right way. But you really did this. I mean, how more poorly could this have gone?

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I mean, I'm just thinking about the reel where Billy made this announcement where he's like walking down some New York street, like a three-year-old screaming, you know, it's happening.

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You could have done this tongue in cheek. There's so many different ways you could have done this and probably just like healed yourself and your reputation along the way. But you chose to pretend like you knew what you were talking about the second time and you failed. This part of me feels a little tiny, little bit empathetic toward Billy because I think he's just a big lug nut.

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He put it on Instagram. And I've noticed Billy's been absent from Instagram since the permits went online. Yeah. Because the comment section – I mean I came there for the comments. It was so funny. People are like – they're like 100 – the permit said 100 decibels up to 12 hours of only recorded music for only 250 people.

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That's – so for four years or three years since you've been out of jail, you've been working on this and that's what you came up with? 250 people?

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I could rent Chuck E. Cheese quicker than that for 300 people and probably – and I got a live band playing. It's Chuck E. and his little band. I mean honestly.

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Terrible. You could have done an event at Chuck E. Cheese and people would have been excited about it. You would have said Fyre Fest too. You could have done this tongue-in-cheek. There's so many different ways you could have done this. And probably just like healed yourself and your reputation along the way.

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But you chose to pretend like you knew what you were talking about the second time and you failed. This part of me feels a little tiny little bit empathetic toward Billy because I think he's just a big lug nut. I think he's just a big dumb dumb who's hoping that something works out in life. And I have been there. I'm that guy. Yeah. I'm a big lug nut who hopes this all works out.

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I'm just like plodding through life, hoping the commercial break becomes Conan O'Brien overnight. It's not going to happen, but I hope it does. But here's the difference between me and Billy. I don't make Instagram announcements about how I'm going to be Conan O'Brien, you know, how I'm going to be on the Conan O'Brien show tomorrow. Yeah, he's just bad. He is. He's bad. It's bad. It's all bad.

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But now it's over and we all get to go back to our normal lives.

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I don't remember this.

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Oh, OK. And the only place that I remember it was Atlantic Mall or Phipps?

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The only notable restaurant that I remember from that part of town or that made an impression on me was the tavern at Phipps Plaza. Oh, yeah. Where the girls were dressed like really nice Hooters girls. Are they still dressing like Hooters girls? I'm sure. I'm sure they are, yeah. I don't remember mix, but we'll do a little research and maybe we'll dredge up some stories.

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And it was here in Atlanta?

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Oh, really? Yeah. Oh. You know, I once got told by a – when I was working at one of the restaurants. I can't remember. I think it might have been Listerad. Listerad. And I was talking like I was going to open my own restaurant because, you know, I was probably high on something, making all these plans that never came to fruition.

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I think he's just a big dumb dumb who's hoping that something works out in life. And I have been there. I'm that guy. I'm a big lug nut who hopes this all works out. I'm just like plodding through life, hoping the commercial break becomes Conan O'Brien overnight. It's not going to happen, but I hope it does.

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But I was talking with someone else, like a financial advisor, a guy who was rich, something like that. And he said, anybody who walks into my – oh, he was a guy who, like, dealt with sports players' money. Oh, okay. He was a financial advisor for sports players, and he would hang out at the bar at the end sometimes. And so I'm sure it was the end of the night, and I'm fucking –

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jizzy jazzed on something. And we were talking about opening a restaurant. He said, if someone comes in, if one of these guys comes in and starts talking about opening a restaurant, I said, you might as well take that money and throw it in the fireplace. If you want a place to go drink and have fun, And you're willing to pay a million dollars to do that?

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You'll have two years. It'll be great. And then you're going to close the place. Otherwise, for fucking get about it, because restaurant business is the hardest business to return on investment. And it really is. And so Mix is gone.

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Yeah. Didn't Chipper Jones have a restaurant for a while there?

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Yeah, it was Diddy's. It was like. Holy shit. It was Diddy's.

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It was Whitney Houston had something to do with it at one point. That's why they call it like the Whitney Houston's, the Houston's down there because she had something to do with the restaurant. And then Bobby Brown was involved. Every famous. A person from Atlanta at some point had something to do with this restaurant space, and it never worked.

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But you couldn't park.

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There was no parking. That's the problem. Yeah. And I think there's a couple shootings down there, too. That might add something to it. But, you know, hey, listen. It was prime location. There was no doubt about it. That is a tough, tough fucking business. And so, you know, what can you do?

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Listen, I love the restaurant business, but after having worked in every position in the entire restaurant, up to and including, you know, being like a managing partner, the reality is it's a very—

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Difficult, stressful business. I am like headlong into Top Chef rewatch right now. I'm watching seasons I didn't watch and I used to love that show. And every time I watch those people just like sweating their balls off to try and impress Tom Colicchio, I'm like, I like Tom Colicchio, but you couldn't pay me enough money to go back and do that. You couldn't.

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Now, if I was like in an emergency situation, I would run and wait tables or bartend for a couple bucks, which I thought about doing at one point during this commercial break run. Just FYI.

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Yeah.

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Stay tuned. Still might happen. 12 hours of TCB is now turning into like the 14 hours of TCB. And I haven't even told Chrissy about it.

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So let me explain to her and then we'll be back with more fun and shenanigans right after I load the commercial. We'll be back.

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Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea.

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It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large. And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene. This is a dear friend of mine and co-host of this show, Chris and Charlie. Best to you, Chris.

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Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules. They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything.

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You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Serea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. Yeah, we were just talking about all these restaurants here in Atlanta. I think we found Mick's. Not 100% sure it was associated with Mick Jagger, but I could see why you might think that.

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I could see why you might think that. But I do remember it now that I've seen a picture of the old Overhead, the old awning that used to sit there. And that was really close to where we worked.

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Mr. Diddy's. Mr. Diddy, if you don't mind. Hoo-ha, hoo-na. God. Creepy Diddy on the block. Yeah. To think there are probably freak offs that happened here in Atlanta. He owned a house here for a long time. Yeah. Yeah. He owned a big house here for a long time. Justin Bieber also stayed here for a period of time.

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He had a house. He actually was renting that house from another famous person. Can't remember. It might have been Ja Rule. I don't know. It might have been.

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But I was at the time in the real estate business and I was building a house that was closer to where Justin Bieber was staying. And this is the craziest story that I want to tell you. Search your mind and see if you remember like a restaurant related celebrity story. I'm going to tell one.

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So I would drive by this particular house. It's shaped like a spaceship. That's the only way to describe it. And if you live in Atlanta, you know the spaceship house in Sandy Springs. You'll know it. It's on a corner. It's back in the woods. It's up off a very, you know, poncy part of town. And it literally looks like a spaceship landed. But it's beautiful. It's got glass windows.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. I lost my mind there for a second. I don't know where it went.

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It's got this big gate all the way around it. Nice piece of land on a corner of this quiet street. And... I would drive by this house all the time to go to this place that we were at this house that we were building. And then I started to notice that like occasionally there'd be like a private security guard in the driveway of this house.

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And then a couple of days later, I noticed that there was like a police officer and a security guard. And I thought to myself, wow, that's strange. Never seen that before. I never knew who owned the house, but it had to have been someone rich. But I was thinking to myself, well, maybe there's some trouble and that's why they're keeping the security guards at that.

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Or maybe because Atlanta is a hub for all things television and film, someone is renting the house and they've asked for some additional security. A couple days later, a week later, whatever it is, I am driving up that street and there are five or six women who have poster boards on sticks out and it's like, paparazzi go away, paparazzi go home, Justin go home, whatever it says.

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Yeah. My mouth is not working correctly. Yeah, welcome back. Hey, thanks for joining us. We really appreciate it. Well, Chrissy, this will be way old news by the time it broadcasts here. By the time it's getting to your ears, you'll already have heard about it. But breaking news. Now, as we're recording this, Fyre Fest 2 is not happening. It is not happening.

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And I'm reading this and I'm like, what in the good fuck? Why are they picketing in the middle of this quiet suburban street in a very rich part of town? Could not imagine why this was happening until I read that Justin was renting a house in Atlanta, and this was likely the house that he was renting. And eventually, it was a scene. There was a lot of people standing out in front of the house.

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There were people parked up and down the side of the street. Yeah, it became a big clusterfuck, and the neighbors were pissed. Yes. Because these other neighbors, they're very rich and probably some of them famous. And they're not interested in having anybody film or photog around where they are.

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And so Justin, I think, eventually kind of got ran out of town or ran out of this house, at least because of all the press that he was driving to this very quiet neighborhood. And I always thought to me to be a little bit unfair. It's like you're rich and you got a gate and like leave poor Justin. First of all, paparazzi, leave poor Justin alone. At that time, leave poor Justin alone.

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Now I don't know what's going on with Justin. He's all over the place.

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Yeah, I think that whole Diddy situation blowing up so publicly and him being so associated with P. Diddy. I mean, P. Diddy basically made him, made his career, along with a couple other famous R&B and hip-hop stars. I think... Something went down there. And also, I think he's got child star PTSD.

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He never grew up. He never had an opportunity to grow up. And now he's got that Hailey Bieber. And she is gorgeous and well put together. And I think she's desperately trying to keep his head directly on his shoulders. Meanwhile, he's in a fur coat and underwear running around screaming at paparazzi. And you can hardly blame the guy because he really hasn't had a normal life.

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And I think at some point you just cry out for some normalcy, some stability, some privacy. And none of that is afforded to him. And that's the deal with the devil that you make when you get that famous. It really is. And, you know, who knows what happened with that Diddy? Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah.

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A lot of parties, a lot of creepy, weird interviews and videos that came out afterwards that now take on a whole different context. I'm not one to jump to a bunch of conclusions, but some of those interactions between P. Diddy and Justin that are on video are very strange. They're very... Like, we're going to have a sleepover. I own you now for 48 hours. Your mom let me keep you for 48 hours.

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I'm now your daddy. Yikes. Just weird shit. Like... How did we not know? How did we not know? I mean, lots of people knew. But how did we not know?

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And kind of a threatening image, too. So I think people were... I think it was difficult for people to come out and say something because they were afraid.

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But anyway, that was the time Justin Bieber lived near my house I was building. I...

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remember a night do you remember when i was living out on the porch and there were many nights i didn't know you'd turn your porch yeah no i'm saying do you remember that that i did yeah the porch years the porch month the porch month i couldn't even hack it yeah the porch days the porch night oh it was more than a night oh it was probably a couple months yeah

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In the least surprising news of the year, Billy has managed to fuck it all up.

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We had two roommates who actually lived in rooms in the apartment. They actually had the rooms in the apartment. And me and my friend Eduardo would be out on the—we were out on a back-screened-in porch.

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Well, if the door—if they hadn't locked the door on us, that meant we were allowed to be in. And we would be up all night high on Colombian marching powder and Bud Light or whatever we could get our hands on.

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There was a huge whiteboard in this dining room and Eduardo and I would write music lyrics and play guitar till 7 a.m. And then we'd go somewhere else. Like the river. Yeah, why not? Let's go do our drugs down at the river now that the sun is up and we feel miserable. Yeah. Let's go do that. And it was one night when we were doing our thing. Both of our roommates were out working.

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One worked at a really nice restaurant. At the time, we all thought it was a kind of nice restaurant, Papa Doe.

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Famous Texas restaurant. It's still around. It is still around.

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Yeah, Papa Doe, Papa Cito's, you know, great food, consistent. If you live in Texas or Atlanta or anywhere where there's a Papa Doe or Papa Cito's, then you know it's a chain of restaurants, these huge restaurants. They're huge. They're just like food factories, but they have really good food and high standards. And that's why people keep on coming time and time again.

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And so one of them was a manager at Papa Do's and one of them had been fired from his management position at Papa Do's because he was a straight up alcoholic. And this is like no joke, alcohol. I need alcohol all the time. And he had like five DUIs, like five. And one night he got caught. drinking while he was driving, drinking while he was driving, and the officer drove him home.

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Yeah, there's a couple of people who are out there say a couple of people have a very similar story to the story that I have, which is they had been contacted by representatives.

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Like, he gave him a break, drove him home. But this is long before these laws where, you know, your license gets taken away forever because you had your third DUI or fourth DUI or whatever it is. So he was a bad alcoholic, and he ended up getting a job as a general manager of a very large sports bar here north of the city. I'm not going to name the bar because it's still around.

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But David and I are juiced to the hilt one night, and I mean soaked in Bud Light and cocaine. I'm just going to be real frank about it. And the phone rings, which both of us then jump directly out of our chairs. It's the police!

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Because when that house phone rang, it rang loudly. Do you know what I'm saying? It broke the air. It broke the tension. It made it more tense. And who's calling at 2 o'clock in the morning? It can only be one of the roommates. So Eduardo picks up the phone. He says, I can hear him talking, but I'm not really listening. I'm more thinking to myself, do we have any more cocaine?

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of fire fest over the years to participate in some shenanigans and all you had to do was pay to be a part of it yeah you can cover it if you pay for it which is which is the pitch to me this guy literally called me out of the blue said i love your show billy loves your show we want you to have you know exclusive rights to interview him on your show for this and that and the other thing

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Or should I play another chord? I think I have a lyric in my head. Let's write it on the whiteboard. And he hangs up the phone and he says, get dressed. And I'm like, I am dressed. And he's like, okay, we're going to go. And I'm like, where are we going? We can't go anywhere. We're fucked. We're so sauced right now. Where do you want to go? And we have to go to this bar.

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And I go, it's too dirty in the morning. It's closed. What do we do? What are we going to go to that bar for? He's closing it down. Do you know who's at the end of the bar? No. Greg Allman. And I'm like, Greg Allman is at the end of the bar? He's been there for most of the night.

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Also another noted alcoholic and drug addict. And let's call this guy Mike.

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Yeah. Let's call Mike Mike. The roommate's name, Mike. Mike... is closed down the bar and they're still sitting there drinking. And he called me and he said, if you want to come and meet Greg Allman, come on down. And we did.

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We took this like half hour long journey driving 10 miles per hour, all the way to this back roads, every back road we could find, you know, turn down this suburban street, turn down that suburban street because the police won't be there. And we have less chance of getting caught. We drove all the way to this suburban bar to get there. It,

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As Greg Allman and his security, his bodyguard, are wrapping things up. Now, Greg Allman had like on and off sobriety for many years.

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He had struggles. I think this is an off time. Now, I never saw Greg directly drinking because he was leaving when he left. Mm-hmm. But when he left, he actually had two guys with him. So one looked like a body man, like a guy who was there to try and keep him sober and out of trouble or whatever. And the other guy looked like maybe the guy who was off duty, but he was drinking.

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And so we said hello. He was very nice. I fawned over him for a minute. He did the kind of the famous thing. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. You know, good to meet you, blah, blah, blah. And out the door and into a limousine and off they drove. And we sat with the second guy who had been with Greg for a number of years and told some wild fucking stories about Greg Allman.

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And I'll share one. This is all hearsay. I don't know that this actually happened. I heard this from a guy who claims he was there when this happened. That Greg Almond was one night missing in Atlanta, down in Atlanta, and somehow had escaped the body man who was supposed to keep him out of trouble.

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Yes, the wrangler. And they found him on a street getting head smoking crack.

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In like in the middle of downtown Atlanta, like in an alley, like somewhere in, you know, the Centennial Olympic Park area before Centennial Olympic Park, like back in the early 90s or whatever it was in the really seedy part of town. They, you know, fanned out and found him completely shit hammered. Getting satisfied with a crack pipe at his hand.

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And had to literally carry him and put him in a car and carry him back up to the hotel room where he eventually settled down. And they had locked the door and stand outside all night long. Yeah. And he told us, now never forget this, he told us that that was their job, was to essentially stand by him. Now, to be clear about Greg Allman, he eventually was very sober.

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To the point, correct me if I'm wrong, because Chrissy's been around them backstage. They don't even allow alcohol backstage. Like, you can't even be drinking a beer. Like, if you get a backstage pass, you can't even bring a beer around you. Now, Greg has passed. But the later years of his life, he took his sobriety very seriously.

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And then we went down the rabbit hole for, I don't know, two or three or four weeks, a month or something like that. And at the end, it was a pitch to get me to pay to go to New York to some exclusive Fyre Fest 2 announcement event where I would pay $3,000. But he could get me tickets for $1,500, half price, because I was such a nice guy. And they liked the show so much. And while I never...

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He was dying. And if I'm not mistaken, he did get arrested a couple of times with cocaine and crack and stuff like that.

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Yeah. I mean, it's just like this wild-ass story.

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Listen.

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Again, it's all hearsay. And so don't take any of this as fact.

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Jeez. It was a big deal. Yeah, that crack. That'll get you.

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Shit goes down on crack. Yeah, I could see not really caring that you're getting head in the middle of a street. I don't even see how you get head in the middle of a street while you're high on cocaine. But, oh, whatever. That's neither here nor there. I mean, you know.

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Oh, yeah, he's got to be. He's too old for all that jazz.

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You know, the funny thing is, is you're... 20 years ago.

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Yeah, I really had no idea that Keith Urban was a crackhead. Is this like public information?

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Did he go to rehab and stuff like that?

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Okay. I remember that you're a friend of ours, a mutual friend of ours. You don't know who I'm talking about. Worked on movie sets. And television sets. Told me about a girl who was on one of the most famous television shows at the time going on. Network television show. And I'm not going to say the name because I don't want our friend to, you know, whatever.

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And she explained to me while the show was still on air that this person was a terrible alcoholic.

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To the point where they had to sometimes delay shooting.

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Mm-hmm. And I thought the story was interesting when it was told to me, but there was no public information that would indicate that that was the truth.

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Like hundreds of people on this television set and you didn't hear anything about it until one time you did. There was a video that came out and video showed her publicly drunk out in the streets of Nashville, out on the streets of Nashville, drunk and boob hanging out and all this other stuff. And everybody chalked it up to, oh, she's having a good time. You know, she's having a good time.

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yeah of course that's like Nashville 101 yeah get drunk and throw your boob out yeah hey why not uh But now years later, like five years ago, this actress comes out and says publicly, I really had a problem with alcohol. And especially during the time that I was filming this television show, I've now been to rehab and I'm sober and thank God for it.

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spoke to Billy directly on the phone. I was cc'd on emails and Billy responded to those emails from an email that seemingly was Billy's. I did some homework and it seemed like it was Billy's. So Billy was in on this. This is just like one big scamorama. I mean, Billy, I'm not saying that Billy was trying to scam me out of money. I don't want to misspeak or make a mountain out of a molehill.

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So it was funny how those like it all it all came full circle. Drugs and alcohol, no joke. And drugs and alcohol in moderation, in experimentation, in the. in the pursuit of pleasure momentarily and understanding that there's always a price to pay even for experimentation and moderation, I don't have any problem with.

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But obviously, there are people who have real challenges with substances, and it's no joke. And as someone who could have just as easily gone down that Greg Allman route, now thank God I've never gotten a blowjob in an alley with a crack pipe in my hand, but It could have happened to me. It could have happened to me. Well, you'd have the money. If I had more money, that's right.

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Yes, that's exactly right. Like the time that the guy from... Bare Naked Ladies. The bodyguard from Bare Naked Ladies told me how he would go to the bad side of Washington, D.C. and get briefcases full of cocaine for Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown.

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And I never believed... I always thought he was just bloviating to try and impress the girl that was with us. You know, I was like, oh, that's just... He's just full of shit. Until it all came smashing out. And I was like, yeah, no shit. That guy was getting briefcases full of cocaine for Whitney Houston.

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And Whitney Houston, another one who suffered greatly because of drugs and alcohol. Time, money, an addict's worst enemy. And when you got both of those, adding a little fame and some paparazzi, it's a tale as old as time. Tale as old as time, strange as it can be.

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Most of them. That's how they got through. And back then, people would keep your secrets for you.

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Yeah. I mean, I think even JFK was like, he was on back pills and all kinds of amphetamines and all kinds of stuff. Elvis. I mean, listen, Elvis is like the... He's like the grand poobah of stories about drugs and alcohol. The guy was literally a narcotic machine.

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Uppers, downers, more uppers, more downers, throw in some booze. Shots. Yeah, smack his butt and get out there and play another show in your Velvet Elvis outfit and let's hope everything works out okay. That's the way it is. Banana and peanut butter sandwiches.

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Well, thank God we don't have the money. That's why we work for free here at the commercial break, because we know if we get just a little Tasty Tina, it's going to be the best show in the world for about two weeks, and then you're going to see us on the front pages of People magazine. Famous podcaster.

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Yeah.

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Famous podcaster gets dick bitten off by raccoons trying to secure blowjob while high on crack cocaine.

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It appeared that they were trying to get me interested in a press event where you had to pay to be at the press event, which is unlike any press event I've ever heard of.

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Possum. Possum. Even better.

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Possum. Terrible possum penis-related accident. That would be so apropos. All right. Let's take a break. More fun to come here on the commercial break. Aren't you glad you tuned in? All right. We'll be back.

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Speaking of people who have passed away, Chrissy, they're... What a way to start.

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Thank you. I know how to do a segue. I'm good at that.

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Speaking of people who have passed away, you know, do you believe in heaven?

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That's right. It was a festival to announce a festival that is now not a festival. There you go. Just like the first festival.

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No, I don't know.

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Because if it's the white clouds and Pearly Gate, there's an opposite version of that. And I don't want to think about that. I think we're pretty close to that right now. Yeah, exactly. That's right. Yeah, I don't think you can take a space dick up to heaven. But... You know, a lot of people do believe in heaven, and they do believe in that version of heaven.

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The pearly gates that let you in, what you do, you know, you're judged at the end. There's a lot of people in this country, especially, who believe in that kind of... Afterlife. Yeah, the afterlife where you are... There's maybe not a physical form, but for some reason, you can see other people. A Teresa Caputo kind of thing, right? And... It's an opportunity, really, to make money.

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And one enterprising church in Mexico, Mexico, is making lots of money on heaven. Now, you might ask, how does one do that? Well, they sell plots of land in heaven for $100 a pop. One square meter of heaven costs $100. And they have been making lots of money selling land in heaven. Wow. Now, this sounds about as interesting as buying real estate in the metaverse.

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But Deadmau5 responded to the news that this has been postponed indefinitely by saying, well, that sucks. So people are trying to determine whether Deadmau5 has said this kind of jokingly or if he was actually involved in this. Here's how it all went down. Billy was supposed to do it in some... He was supposed to announce the lineup, right? He was supposed to... Well, here's how it goes.

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Remember when Snoop Dogg bought like a million dollar property in the metaverse?

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Listen, I don't want to put my foot in my mouth, but I think NFTs in the metaverse, I don't think it worked out how anybody had expected.

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And how many people are in the metaverse right now? I'm sure there's lots, actually. I'm sure there's lots of people. But remember they were having like concerts and raves and, you know, all this other stuff.

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I did. I tried to go and they would not let me in. They got scared of me, honestly. I'm like, hey, where's the party? They're like, take that boat over there. But there was no boat. I just went into the water and I couldn't get out. I drowned in the metaverse. They literally killed me. I'm like, hey, bro. He was like, get away from me. Literally.

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You know, you can like type, you know, you type or you talk. Right. And I typed, hey, brother. And he was like, I don't want to talk to you. Get away from me. Mommy told me not to talk to people like you. OK. All right. I get the picture. I was not quite cool enough to be accepted into the metaverse.

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But I don't feel so bad about it now because I think it was kind of a – I'm sure that it will take off in some form or fashion eventually when this version of reality gets miserable enough. And we're getting pretty close. So, you know, once democracy is totally gone, I'm sure the metaverse is going to be fine. Here's the story. Byline Medium. The online magazine medium.

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The online magazine medium, not the people who talk to people in heaven. I have a confession to make. After I walked away from the church, I struggled for a long time with the nagging feeling that God wouldn't welcome me into heaven. After all, I left the church feeling like I had abandoned a part of my life and my faith, as if I was turning my back on something sacred.

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But it turns out I needn't have worry. There's a church in Mexico selling land in heaven for only $100 per square meter, which to me seems like quite a bargain. Who knew that getting into heaven would be as easy as forking out a few $50 bills? Let me tell you about it.

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The real estate deal of the century, a Mexican church called the Iglesia del Final Dos Los Tiempos, or the Church of the End of Times, is offering people the chance to secure their place in heaven by selling a plot of land for $100 per square meter. Don't have $100? Don't despair. There are payment plans available.

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All right. I'm not going to read the whole article. Go check it out on Medium. But that is one enterprising young church people. Listen.

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Who cares? Right. Right. It's just like those people who bought the NFTs. Well, I got an NF. I got a pixelated dick. If it works out, I'll be a millionaire. If it doesn't, I have a pixelated dick. I don't know.

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Yes, bored ape. Bored ape is still a thing. And they do trade at pretty high values, even still today. But it's really one of the few collections that does. And there is an underground, and I say more like an underbelly, of people who are trading these NFTs. But I think mainly because they went in on the big hype of it. And now they're just trying to figure out a way. Yeah.

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Like anything that has to do with market manipulation, there are probably a lot of algorithms that are just juicing buying and selling them quickly or buying them here and selling them there, whatever it is. It's just like all this, you know, altcoin bullshit. The altcoins, 99% of them, they're meme coins and they have absolutely no value. They never will. They're Hoctua coins.

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Let me give you a timeline of events. He announces that Fyre Fest 2 is happening. He has a team on the ground in Mexico because he can't attend because he has a... He's on probation. He's on probation because he's got an ankle monitor.

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They're Trump coins. They're Melania coins. They're, you know, wrestling coins or whatever. If you have the money and it's a cool thing for you to have, cool. But a lot of people lose their life savings trying to trade these things and beat the algorithms or the people who are on the inside trading them at the highest value because they are pumping and dumping those coins. Never works out.

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Bitcoin, Ripple, Ether, all that stuff may have some value down the line. Who knows? It's hard to say, right? And we're not here to give financial advice. We're the last people you want to take a financial advice from. But the NFTs seem like a ham hock idea to me from the beginning. Now, as digital rights management tool, it does seem cool.

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In other words, selling the IP of something, passing it on to a person and managing those that rights chain. It's just a little bit more of a highbrow concept than what an NFT is, which essentially is a JPEG. Do you remember Charlie Bit My Finger? The Charlie Bit My Finger video sold for like a million and a half dollars. The rights to the Charlie Bit My Finger as an NFT.

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Do you think the people who bought the Charlie Bit My Finger have made a million and a half dollars back on people watching that video on YouTube or any other place? The answer is most likely no. Will they over time? Who knows? It's a very famous video. But, you know, there's other things like totally random pieces of art. Mm-hmm.

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I told you, I knew this person who literally pixelated some dicks, like drew some dicks on an old Atari system. Just think about it like that. Pixelated dicks. Made 300 of them and put them out in the universe, expecting, I think, that this would be the next big thing in NFTs. And last time I checked, which was like years ago, because I was maybe not friendly, but I knew this person at the time.

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Last time I checked, they were trading at like an average value of like 15 cents. I mean, and only a third of them bought.

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Everybody had the same idea. Yeah. Yeah. And what can you do with that pixelated dick? Show it to your friends? Look what I bought? Well, I can go on the same trading platform and take a picture of that pixelated dick and show it to my friends too. There's absolutely no value. Now, some of those NFTs have these... you know, they're built in perks, right?

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It is pretty funny. But he says, don't worry, I've got professionals involved. He names some of those professionals, which people find out they are semi-professional. They're professional in the way that Jam Land Productions was professional. You know what I'm saying? We did do festivals.

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Like the board ape, you can get into board ape parties and they, uh, they have a conference every year, whatever it is, but honestly stolen.

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Yeah. Like Seth green or something had a board ape was stolen and then someone bought it like legitimately from two people who had stolen it. And then they sold it back to Seth green for like a million dollars or something. I mean, honestly, honestly for a board ape, I, I get it. You want to be part of the cool kids club. You want to go to the conference. You want to get in on the action.

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I don't understand the allure of the NFTs unless I really wanted to go to that party and be a part of that club. But I have noticed as a guy who kind of pays attention to this, that the hype around these things has really gone away. I mean, I don't see too many people hyping NFTs anymore.

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All those Twitter spaces and clubhouses and all this other stuff about NFT, they really don't exist except for in a very small circle on the Internet now. If you have an NFT and you find some value in it, I'd love to hear from you.

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Because maybe I am completely wrong about this, and I'm open to being wrong because I am most of the time.

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I am. I am completely out of touch. Even though I'm trolling the internet constantly, I'm generally out of touch with what's going on. So maybe there's a burgeoning NFT scene that is just like super hot and I don't know about it because I haven't been invited. Just like the metaverse, I've been kicked out of the NFT scene.

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Maybe they said, don't show Brian any more NFT content because he talks shit. I don't know. But if if if you are into NFTs and that's your thing, let me know. And I'd love to hear why you're into NFTs and what you think the value is so that I can better understand from someone who actually got in on it, you know, why this was.

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And I'm sure that there are people who made millions of dollars on those NFTs.

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So there were. There were lots of people who made millions of dollars on NFTs. Those are the people who got out right before the crash. And the crash happened like three or four years ago. And I just haven't seen I haven't seen much about it since. There were like every article had the word NFT in it.

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Everywhere. And I haven't seen an article about NFTs in two years. I just haven't seen it. But the selling heaven is an NFT. That's essentially what it is. There's almost no value in it except for your own perceived value and the fact that you get to get into an exclusive party, maybe eventually down the line. Yeah.

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They had a website and they occasionally did an event. Like an event inside of a club. You know what I'm saying? Like not really an event. Kind of like the venue was already there. They just... Promoted it? Yeah, they just made those glossy postcards you hand out on the street. That's what they did. So... So next thing that comes is there is a location given.

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The next Fyre Fest. The next Fyre Fest 3. Oh, poor Billy McFarlane. It does tug at the heartstring just for a second, and then I realize, eh, he's a shithead anyway. Yeah, so $100 for a piece of heaven. Would I buy it? Probably not, but... It's like, you know, as a grand romantic gesture, I one time bought Astro to start.

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It was sweet. But they gave us this whole package and this poster showing you where you could see them, you know, where you could find it. And if you got a telescope, maybe you could see it. You know what I'm saying? It's right there. Yeah, right there. So it's up in that general direction. Right. So when I talked to Astrid about it, we got all this material and we were moving from house to house.

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And I'm like, oh, here's our star stuff.

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And I was like, wait, you don't want to keep the star stuff? And she's like, listen, it's a really nice idea, but I don't think we need to junk up our house. I was like, junk up our house? We own a star. And she was like, yeah, but do we? But do we? Do we own a star? Do we own a star and do we need a star? And what can we do with a star?

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Yeah. And I realized at that moment my grand romantic gesture was like buying an NFT. It was just as dumb. Just as dumb. Why don't I just point to it and say, that's your star, babe. Yeah. Between you and me, that's your star. That's our star. That's our star. That's the sun. Okay. Well, it's Brian and Astrid's sun. How's that? Yes.

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When it's shining on us, right in this moment, it's shining on us, kid. It's shining on us. All right. Everyone settle down. Everyone settle down. I thought it was good. I thought it was a good one.

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When you're in love, you do lots of stupid shit. You buy shit.

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I did. I did the forever rose, which didn't last forever. it just magically disappeared one day and I was like where did that go I don't know I did the forever rose I did the dozen whatever I did the gold rose I did I did a lot of like grand romantic gestures but the grandest of them all was getting married and giving her a bunch of children to irritate the shit out of her

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These swimmers are strong, baby. Okay. All right. May 31st. 12 hours or 13 or 14. Who knows? There's going to be a lot of hours of TCB on May 31st. Celebrating five years of the commercial break, we are doing 12 episodes at least in one day just for you. So tune in. And so many people have texted in and said, can't wait to see if you guys survive.

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Yeah, if you're able to do it. We'll do it. We'll get it done. I believe in us. We'll be tired.

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People by east-west, like latitude-longitude, people put that in their old search machine and find out that that's in the middle of the ocean. There's no land there. So that's the first indication that something has gone wrong. But it's going to be in this general area. But no one can figure out exactly who's playing, where are the stages, where do you stay.

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Yeah, that's right. We will be tired, and it will not be easy. But it's better than digging ditches for a living. So lots of people work 12 hours, and they don't complain about it.

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Okay, but you've got to wait until, like, the ninth hour. Okay? I can't have you passing out hour number three. So anyway, May 31st, mark your calendars, 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822.

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Text us or leave us a message, questions, comments, concerns, content ideas at thecommercialbreak on Instagram, tcbpodcast on TikTok, youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak, and tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video, and your free TCB swag at the Contact Us button. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now. No, thanks. I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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Billy puts a bunch of hotels on the website and says, these are our partners. You're going to have a great time. You're going to be hobnobbing with the best in the world and the brightest and the people, the creatives and all this.

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Yes. From $1,500 to $1 million. That's the ticket prices. And that quickly falls apart when the town where he claimed this was going to be and the hotels who he had said were his partners literally said.

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Yo no se. They had never been contacted. No one had ever talked to them, which is like an epic clusterfuck, given that the first Fyre Fest fell on its face because there was no place to stay, to sleep, to eat. So you would think those bases would be covered first, but hence, no, it's Billy McFarland and nothing happened.

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So then a couple of weeks later, so Billy, then the township comes out and says, we don't have any idea what he's talking about. Never had anybody file for any permits.

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Give us any money.

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Yeah. You got to go down there and you got to grease the wheels and give a couple of people a hundred pesos and figure things like this is the way this universe works. Not only in Mexico, everywhere. Right. I don't, you know, get Jeff on it. I'm sure he can tell us a few stories if he didn't want to do the festival again next year. I get it. I've been there. I've done it.

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So in a very small way, but I've been there and I've done it. So he moves the festival without announcing the festival has been moved. It just magically appears about 100 miles down the coast. All of a sudden, it's 100 miles down the coast. He puts this big press event together in which no press shows up. And he doesn't either because nobody paid for it. He has an ankle. That's right.

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He has an ankle monitor. So he zooms in and there's a bunch of like official looking people from Mexico, but none of them are actually Mexican officials. Right. They're just people that Billy has buddied up to that are talking smack because that township, Quintana Roo, says, no, no, no, no, no.

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Yo no se. I don't know. I have no idea. This takes months to get these permits, and we have no idea. To which Billy responds, bullshit. We have the permits. I'll show them to you. So Billy smartly, in the way only Billy could do, puts them on Instagram, expecting that no one on Instagram has ever spoken Spanish before.

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Because when people start reading the permits, including myself, and I'm not that great of a Spanish speaker, but I can read pretty well. They are permits from the local venues, like a beach club.

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We're talking like a beach club, like Panama City Beach Club, like Club La Vila type place, but much smaller. Not a festival grounds, like a tiny little club that allows them to have a 12-hour event for 250 people. Billy has already said up to 1,800 people are coming. So what are the other... 1,450 people going to do? 1,650 people. What are they going to do? I don't know.

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I guess they're just not going to that particular event.

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He had one permit.

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Yes. It's the most expensive night out in Mexico of your life. That's what it is. Exactly. You might as well go to South Beach and just get drunk. At least the DJs will be good. I mean, at least you'll know who's playing. Billy messed this up from the beginning in so many ways that is like laughable. It is.

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And the fact that he didn't have his ducks in a row before he even made the announcement said everything you needed to know about what was going to go down. This is no surprise that this was coming. And when he put those permits online... claiming that this festival was happening.

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And when he put the permits on the line and people were like, dude, you have a permit for recorded music to be played to 250 people for a total of 12 hours. And it's a four-day festival. What is going on? Who is playing? What are you planning to do? He says, well, we're going to have lots of different entertainment. You might get an MMA tutorial from a real live MMA. Oh, my God.

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you know, martial artist. Yeah, you might get a skateboarding tutorial from a real live pro skateboarder. Dude, go on YouTube. No one cares. Go on YouTube. I'm not paying a million dollars to hobnob with the 138th most popular MMA artist. Do you know what I'm saying? Retired NBA stars. I'm sure that some people want to buddy up to those people. Some people want to rub elbows with those folks.

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And people did buy tickets. How do we know this? Because the reason why we know the festival is postponed is because a ticket holder, put out on Instagram or social media.

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Yes, had money to burn. Or was going to be one of the few people who had the best story ever. They were going to sell it to Netflix. They were going to have a book. They put out the email that they received. Now, here's what I will give credit to Billy for. And legally, I think he had no other choice. This person received a refund. Oh.

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And it said, if when we announce the new dates, if you're able to attend, you'll have the first bite at getting a new ticket.

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Absolutely. No refunds. Rain or shine. Even if the event doesn't happen, you're going to get no refunds. But they did refund at least this one person that's online, admitting that they actually bought a ticket to Fyre Fest, too. That does take balls. It does take balls. But I can see... Like, I could see if we had the money to burn.

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Like, if this show ever made money, I could see if we had the money to burn just for the entertainment.

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Just to be at some wild event that's going to really blow up. And I don't mean in the good way. Like, not glow up, blow up. And I could see wanting to be there to kind of, like, document it. Watch the train wreck? Yeah, watch the train wreck. You know... None of us want to be in a car wreck, but we all turn our heads when we see them. And so that's, I think, the reason to go down there.

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And I'm going to make the assumption that this person who has come out and shared this email, it went that was going to go down there for the same content creator of some sort or, you know, press or whatever. So Billy has now failed. Twice, but probably many more times that we don't know about, including this New York announcement show and all this.

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Some other people have claimed that he tried to get them to buy tickets to an underwater rave. Like they were going to go down with scuba gear and they were going to have headphones on where someone was going to be spinning. I mean, come on. Honestly, what a dum-dum.

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Yeah. Billy, buddy. The funny thing is. about all of this, to me. is that, okay, you made a mistake the first time. You got in way over your head. And Ja Rule went for the ride. Ja Rule. I noticed Ja Rule didn't poke his head out for Fyre Fest 2.

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No, smartly, right? Ja Rule has not... I don't think Ja Rule has made a public appearance since. I think smartly he has not. He came this close to spending six years in jail.

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Um... But after Ja Rule, I just can't still get over Ja Rule. Ja Rule. I don't know. He was good in the 90s.

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He had a vibe. I don't hate on Ja Rule. I don't see how Ja Rule managed to get himself involved in this. But then didn't Ja Rule have a restaurant?

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Yeah, he – oh, yeah.

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He talked himself right into a big paycheck from Billy and their investors. Didn't Ja Rule have a restaurant like Jabahamas or something?

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And I think people were like online giving it a one star or something. Anyway, Ja Rule, nowhere to be found. The thing about this is – and speaking with a little bit of seriousness – You made a mistake, a big mistake, and you screwed a lot of people over, and you almost killed some people. Now, granted, these people had money to burn also. They're not the most sympathetic characters in the world.

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But, okay, some people went down there with the best of intentions. You were famous enough after this whole debacle to really clean it up.

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And call some— We've said that.

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Do it right.

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It is the year of our Lord 2025. There are literally billionaires burning money on space dicks. Yes. You could have gotten someone to give you a million bucks to like seed this whole thing. Got called in some real professionals, not some guys who would put some club events on, but some like real professionals.

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And put this all together, taking your time, put it all together and done this the right way where you never touch the money, but you're kind of paid up front.

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You're kind of the puppet master. Yes. Everyone paid up front, you know, tents on the ground long ahead of time. And you're kind of the puppet master pulling the strings, learning as you go along, having some other professionals that have done this 12, 15, 300 times so that you really get an idea for what's going on.

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I think part of what got Billy in trouble in the first place is he had never done anything like this and they tried to do it themselves.

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Yeah, he's a weekend warrior, you know? He was like, yeah, special, exclusive. He had like an exclusive club that he would throw parties at, and that never made money either. They was like, you had a card, you had to get in the door.

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Yeah. So if you had taken the time, the energy and the effort to get this done correctly and you had stayed on the straight and narrow and not tried to like be a ticket broker on the side and put all these ham hock events together. If you had just focused in on this and had a day job in the meantime, like where you're trying to pay people back at a day job in the meantime.

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The pipe is only so big, and if it gets a lot of stuff stuck in there, it's going to back up. So I thought, well, yeah, it's probably the meat, babe. Probably the meat. So now we're on our way to Chuck E. fucking Cheese for one of my kids' birthdays, and now I've got a full-blown emergency under my sink. I've got a bunch of meat stuck in my P-trap. If you don't know what a P-trap is, look it up.

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They knew. If the authorities got a hold. If the authorities got wind of what a problem this was becoming, then certainly they were going to cause unwanted attention on this Cloud 9 and the Galaxy Gas. Well, it happened. Someone died. A problem came. People got sick. Families started complaining. You know, DAs started looking into this.

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And so the guys at Cloud 9 decided to sell their Galaxy Gas business and take it out of the stores altogether. This just happened at the middle of last year. But the amazing thing is, is that a simple Amazon search will show you that it's very easy to get this gas delivered right to your fucking front door in relatively similar containers with relatively similar amounts.

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This was a novelty when we were kids. You'd see it at the dead show, the fish show, whatever. You'd occasionally have a friend who'd bring a packet of whippets over and, you know, maybe you'd get... I tell you the one time where we cleaned a store out of whipped cream cans, and we had to explain that we were having an ice cream party, and the girl at Kroger was like...

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We were like, it's a freaky whipped cream party. And I got the headache of all head. I mean, we sat up in like a weird loft one time. Just whipped cream all over the place. It was a disgusting scene. I'm disgusted with myself. Disgusted with myself. I woke up with all these empty whipped cream cans.

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I did not do the whip it. That's right. Because if you don't shake the can and you hold it up straight, you can get the NO2 goes to the top and you get the NO2 out of it. And when I worked at Chili's, they had to lock the whipped cream away because everybody, they would buy it in boxes and everybody would find themselves in the walk-in cooler doing whippets when the manager wasn't looking.

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It was a thing. But it was a novelty. It was relatively like, you know, once a year somebody would have a NO2 cartridge and you would, you know, get high. I remember one time at a festival, like a small festival here, somebody brought one of the medical grade, like had, you know, the hippie crack mafia type thing, had those things.

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And it was a parking event where it parked like parking camping, like you would park your car and you would camp next to it. The guy parked next to us. And my friend could not get to the – he had to leave the festival like four times. No, to get to the ATM to get more money to buy more hippie crack. It was insane. He got addicted over the weekend. In a weekend, he got addicted.

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And I can't think of how many balloons were empty sitting around the car by the time we were done. I can only imagine. It was insane. Because, you know, the guy who was selling the hippie crack decided that he cared about people's germs and you couldn't use the balloon twice. Whatever it was. This is crazy. And I guess you could see this train coming down the tracks.

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I'm not going to explain it here.

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But here's what I have to say. More than don't get addicted to hippie crack, because don't get addicted to hippie crack. It's a terrible way to go. And it's dangerous. And don't drive and all that other stuff. I'm not saying you shouldn't do it. I'm saying you should do it smartly like every other drug.

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Unlike Brian's rules of drugs, which is do it until you cause so many problems in your life that you have to stop to do it. I am saying that don't ruin it for everybody by being a fucking moron. Do your drugs by yourself at home late at night with the curtains drawn like everybody else in their right mind does. Please don't ruin it for everybody.

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Because when you're outside the parking lot of a Cloud 9 and you have to buy three or four tanks just to get your fill in a day, you've got a fucking problem. You need to stop for a few weeks. Pretend like you're sobering up by smoking weed or drinking alcohol like the rest of us do. And then go back and buy one at a time. One a day. One a day. Isn't that enough? Can't you say that's enough?

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Here's what I'm trying to share with you. It's idiots like you that ruin it for everybody else. And if you're going to do your galaxy gas, do it like a regular drug addict. Like my uncle said, don't fuck up while you're fucking up. And that is my PSA for today, Chrissy. Sounds good. Thank you. Giving advice to the children.

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I can't wait till my kid comes to me and he says, hey, episode 7,326 of the commercial break says if I'm going to do galaxy gas, do it in the privacy of the own home. So don't mind the tank of NO2 I've got stuffed in the closet. I'll be wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. Right back.

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Welcome back to the commercial break again. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy. Holy best to you, Kristen.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. You don't know it, but that's the seventh time I've said that to you in the last couple of minutes.

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Did I tell you about the time that... So, like NO2, Freon has a similar effect to your brain. Freon, the thing being... The car Freon? The car Freon, the air conditioning Freon. So, one time, a friend of mine had this wise idea that he saw or he heard... This is long before you could go on the internet and figure these things out. He figured out from somebody...

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Best to you.

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No, no, no, no. Best to you. How we doing? We okay? Everyone recording? All right, good. Christina and everybody else learning the ropes here in the brand new studio.

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that he could get Freon from an air conditioning unit by taking a screwdriver and pressing a little nipple, and it would spray the Freon backwards. So he went out, he took a garbage bag, and he got Freon out of an apartment complex, like all the air conditioning units were lined up. So it's the middle of the day, and he's got a garbage bag hanging.

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He came back into the apartment of this girl that I lived with who I did not know. I just moved in with her like, I don't know, four weeks earlier. She was like a friend of a friend of a friend.

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Dude, this guy went everywhere with me for a while. He was trouble with a capital T and I made life no easier on him. We were trouble together with two capital T's. Double trouble. Yeah, we were the tits of trouble. And so, the right one and the left one. So, True boobs. That's what we were. We're true boobs. Men at their base nature. Just doing stupid shit for the sake of doing stupid shit.

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Impulsive was our middle name and sometimes our first name. This guy walks in the apartment. He's like, you know what? Takes a huff of the Freon and he's like...

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like spinning around his head's like he's bobbing and weaving and he almost kind of falls over and i'm like so after he comes to i'm like oh dude you almost fell over you got to be careful with that so then he's like you know i got the garbage bag i take a little bit and i go totally blank yes like my eyes go like and i'm like oh And I wake up and I'm like, that wasn't fun.

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That felt like way too much NO2. Like I was out, you know? And so now he's got the bag and he's like, you just got to do it right away. Takes a big one. He's standing up in front of one of those old televisions that's sitting on a stand, you know?

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Yeah, we're still learning. We went without a studio TV for like four days. And then Brian decided this morning at six o'clock in the morning that we probably needed to see someone we're going to talk to later on today.

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And he goes shoulder and head first into the television. The television falls and breaks. And then I'm picking him up. Now the television is cracked and broken, and I'm picking him up, and I'm like, dude, are you okay, dude? And he's like, oh, man, that was intense. And the bag, by the way, fell out of his hand. So he was like, what happened to the bag?

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So it's cracked. It's all spider.

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Chrissy. I wasn't worried about this guy's head and the things I'd seen. Yes. And so we put the TV back on the stand, fix all this stuff, like put the books back.

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I got home that night and she was like, what happened to the TV? And I was like, unbelievable. What happened to that TV? I eventually fessed up to it. Yeah, I had to spend... The TVs back then were like $7,000 for some shitty TV, so I had to... But yeah, don't... Be careful with the NO2. It's something that you can get addicted to. Let me now be a serious adult for a second.

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Be careful with the NO2. You can get addicted to it. It's called hippie crack for a reason. It probably makes you feel like crack. Not that I've ever smoked it, but if I did, and it was like NO2, I would tell you that it's similar to crack. So don't smoke... Crack and don't do hippie crack. Okay? Okay. All right.

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Now, speaking of adult stuff, the other day we were leaving the studio, and my wife is yelling at me that there's water pouring out of our cabinets.

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Yeah, me too. Exactly.

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I do let my pipes drip, actually. You did good. Okay. We did too. I'm pretty keen on that. That's a good thing to do. But, you know, I have this, like, when we redid the house and we renovated it, we made the pipes, most of them, all PVX, which is a plastic, like, you know, it's like PVC, but it's a different type that's supposed to expand.

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So I rushed to Best Buy, asked for a very specific television. That guy was like, you know what you want. Then tried to sell me on another television.

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Yeah, Christina knows.

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don't get me started it's terrible and it happens all the time and for a couple extra bucks a month worth of dripping water you save yourself tens of thousands maybe in fixes because if it gets under your floorboards it gets into your walls everything's got to be replaced because then you have mold and all that other shit and

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Even if it dries, sometimes the structure of the house, the integrity of the home can be ruined. So the first thing I'm thinking is burst pipe. Holy shit. That's terrible. So now I'm freaking out. Girls are leaving the studio. I'm freaking out because not only because I think that there's a burst pipe in my home, but because I know what looking at the pipes entails.

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It entails going under the house.

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Chrissy, this is the scary.

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And I was like, dude, I've been through it. Can you please get me the TV? I don't have long. People are dialing in from the UK. Anyway, check out, speaking of the UK, check out Russell Howard, our guest this week. Very lovely, talented, popular comedian in the UK making his way to the United States for another round of tour dates on the West Coast.

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Thank you. I heard you. You said, good luck.

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I was cursing your name. I'm like, fuck you. Yeah, you got to sit in Atlanta traffic, but I have to go under this scary, scary house. That's a scary, scary crawl space. It's a crawl space, not a basement. And it's a crawl space from a house that was built in like the 40s. So it's really scary down there. It is decades and decades and decades of old pipes, wires. I don't think dead children.

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I'm not even sure what's down there.

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But I don't want to know most of the time. I know how to change the filters on my two HVAC units. And that's about it.

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That's right. You get in, you get out. I don't even look in opposite directions. I don't even look because I don't want to know. There's probably a possum down there. And he's probably mad at me because he can hear under the floorboards what I'm talking about. I've actually had, I actually had a fucking, not an Xfinity guy, a charter cable guy. Fuck you, charter cable.

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Because the fucking charter cable guy, he went under the house to go, you know, make sure that the wires were installed properly. So he didn't have to like run them through the side of my house. And he comes back out and he's like, listen, dude. They're done rat poop down there. And rat poop carries Legionnaire's disease. And I ain't about to get Legionnaire's disease. So you can call my boss.

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I don't give a shit. I ain't installing the cable down there. Do you remember that? And I said, fuck you, Charter. Upward and onward to AT&T. Now, listen, besides Charter just being a terrible cable system altogether. I'm sorry, but it is. I was kind of happy about this because now I could explain to Astrid that we didn't need the cheaper charter. We needed the more expensive AT&T.

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The faster internet. That's right. Yeah. Charter goes at about five megabits per minute. It's like – it was just not good. Anyway. So – Luckily, we found someone who was willing to go into the house and do this. But he was right about it. I mean, we've talked about this on the show. We had a friend, Willie the Mouse, that was in our house for a long time. That's right.

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He was scaring Astrid in the mornings because there was food misplaced.

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Blue. Nico. Nico.

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We had a camera that we set up to see exactly what was moving the food around our counters that night. It was Astrid who first caught on to this. She was like, there are pears on the floor. And I was like, well, maybe they just fell off. And she's like, Brian, I don't think fruit just jumps off the counter. And I was like, well, I don't know. Maybe. And so we set up a camera.

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And at the time, because Nico and Blue, Nico had had some surgery and Blue kept on attacking Nico. So we put Nico in the kitchen to go to sleep with a little gate so that Blue couldn't get at Nico. Blue, you bitch. And so after a couple of nights of this happening, I thought, well, Nico's not barking. There can't be anything live in there. Nico would certainly be attuned to that.

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Yeah, Nico was 107 and smelled like he was 107. I do miss Nico.

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I put a webcam up and I was recording it, a motion camera. And what I saw was the most amazing thing ever. There was a mouse, a cute little mouse, not a rat, a mouse, a cute little mouse. who was literally going into the kitchen at night, coming up from where I don't know. From the crawl space. From the crawl space. He was coming up. He had found his way in.

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All the information is in the show notes from Tuesday's episodes. We sure do hope you go watch it. I am currently watching my new favorite obsession, The Fish Tank.

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He was coming up, and he was eating food from Nico's bowl where Nico was sleeping right next to it. And Nico lifted his head up. Looked at the mouse and the mouse looked at Nico and they made a gentleman's agreement. I won't tell if you don't. And Nico went back to sleep. Nico stared that mouse in the face and thought, yeah, that should be here. It wasn't even a dog.

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And to be fair, Nico really wasn't a dog. It was more like just a small child. It was in dog form. He cried about nothing. It was a weird dog. But anyway, lovely dog. The sweetest dog you could have ever had. Very sweet. And poor Nico. Blue just tortured that dog. Terrorized. Tortured that dog. Anyway, so we know that there have been rodents. Like most people, there are rodents. It happens.

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Yeah, it happens. The rodents are looking for warmth and food and water and all that stuff, and a house provides all that things for them. But it's been a long time since we've had the house sealed up for approval. But I went down, and I have to go to the very end of the house, the way that my house is.

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Yes. The way that the house is, is there's a crawlspace entrance under the new part of the house that we just built a number of years ago. And you can probably at least bend over to get in that part. But the further you go to the older part of the house, the smaller it gets until there is only a two and a half foot, two and a half foot.

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viewer it's called the fish tank it's a house somewhere in the united states of america where they give people free room and board and the catch is they are being videotaped 24 hours a day i think except for the bathrooms i don't know because i didn't actually pay to watch the site but i keep on watching their instagram there's very few people that are onto this right now but it is literally a fish tank and you are viewing crazy people living together in a crazy situation isn't that big brother

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between the mud, the floor, the actual earth, and the rafters of the floorboards. It is very tight back there. And then you take into account the piping from 1920, the wires that the charter guy left down there. Fuck you, charter guy. The old telephone cables. I'm not even kidding. Telephone cables, gas lines. I know.

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So as soon as you girls leave, I get a flashlight lantern, like one of those flashlights. I saw that. Yeah. It's this huge thing, but it puts off a lot of light because I said, if I'm going down there, I need reinforcements. I'm going to bring this big lantern. I'm going to bring an actual flashlight. I've got my phone light on. I'm recording. I'm ready for anything. Anything's possible.

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And I'm ready. And I start crawling and I'm over the HVAC, you know, whatever they call that, the duck work. I'm over the duck work. And then I got to go under the duck work. I got to pass the first HVAC unit. Are you shimmying? At the end, I am shimmying. But there's a gas line that sits right there, and I know I cannot – you don't want to fuck with the gas? I don't need two problems now.

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In order to get to really see where that leak is, I can see that there's water on one of the pipes. But to see if it's actually spraying or something, I've got to go under or over that gas line, and it's right in the middle of that two and a half feet. So I went under. I put my face on the ground, and I scraped it along the side. Oh! Rat shit and all.

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I just scraped my face under, and now I am in full panic claustrophobic mode.

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And I am sitting under a house where the rafter is right at my nose, and I can see the pipe in between the rafter, and luckily it's not spraying. So I know that it's not a problem with the water coming in the house. It's a problem with the waste going out of the house. So it takes me about another half hour to get back to civilization.

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And shimmying back is the harder part. Do you know what I'm saying? Like you get there. Yeah, but then you know what you have to do to get back. And so I'm scared and nervous and I'm like a little boy.

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Yes. I'm checking my phone to make sure I have bars. Astrid, by the way, has gone somewhere away from my house. She's decided I want nothing to do with this. I'll see you later, Brian. So she's gone and I'm now under the house all alone. So if there's a ghost or a monster or an alligator or, you know, I don't know, a swimming, swimming wolf wolf, then I'm not, no one's here to help me.

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I have to call 911 and I'm ready. I'm prepared to call 911 and tell them exactly where I am. I get out of there and I go, OK, it's with the drainage. So let's go start fiddling fucking around with that. I don't know the first thing about anything, guys. I'm really not a very intelligent human being.

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I read a lot on the Internet and I watch a lot of Instagram and I pick little bits and pieces up that make me occasionally sound intelligent. But I'm soft in the middle. If you press me, ooze comes out.

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I'm as intelligent as Flavor Flay. So I go upstairs and I open the kitchen, you know, the cabinet doors, and I see that there's water down there. And I can see where it's coming from. I start doing a series of tests. Turn on the dishwasher, turn on the faucet, and I can see where it's coming from.

The Commercial Break

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It's coming from the hose that goes from your dishwasher into your disposal, which I have, which a lot of people have here in the United States at least. Mm-hmm. And that disposal, there's a drain from the disposal that goes out of the house, down under the house and then out of the house.

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And then there's a little hose where the dishwasher water drains out into the disposal that then goes into that drain. If that drain is clogged and the dishwasher comes on, there's nowhere for that water to go. So it's just going to start spilling out, backing up and spilling out of wherever. It's spilling out of that hose. That's what's going on.

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And then it's making its way down into the rafters of the house. It's going through the holes where the hoses come up, right? So I'm like, okay, I got this licked. I know at least know where the problem is. So I'm like, Astrid, you know, when did this start?

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I said, oh, wow, that's really weird. Maybe the disposal is clogged. I turn it off. I stick my hand down there. I can't feel anything.

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And I go, meat? You put meat in the disposal? And she goes, yeah, but it was stew meat. And I go, what is stew meat?

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And I go, you can't put meat down a disposal.

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It is Big Brother, only this is real crazy people. Like the Big Brother is now, I think, all celebrity crazy people. And who fucking cares? They know they're being watched. The difference is they know they're being filmed because there's cameras in the house. They don't know it's live. They know they're being filmed. They don't know it's live.

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A disposal is like a second cord on a parachute. You only use it in case you need to. That's it.

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Yeah, I know. That's probably why Jeff is going to be under it.

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Whole onions.

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It's not a food processor. It's a disposal.

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No.

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Listen, I realize there are two schools of thought.

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Do you know my dad, Ned, didn't even put a disposal in his brand new house? You don't want to know why? Because he says it's just a reason for things to leak. Because everybody decides that anything could go down there. There's two schools of thought on disposal, and I get it. And Astrid comes from a place where there are no disposals, so I also get it. It's not really her fault.

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She did what she thought the disposal was supposed to do, which is chop everything up and make it nice and tidy to go out the house. But that's not how it works. The pipe is only so big. And if it gets a lot of stuff stuck in there, it's going to back up. So I thought, well, yeah, it's probably the meat, babe. Probably the meat.

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So now we're on our way to Chuckie fucking Cheese for one of my kids' birthdays. And now I got a full-blown emergency under my sink. I got a bunch of meat stuck in my P-trap. If you don't know what a P-trap is, look it up. I'm not going to explain it here. I'm not Tim the Toolman Taylor.

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So now that I've got a half a cattle stuck in my fucking P-trap, I'm like, well, okay, I know what I need to do. I need to go get one of those thingies to stick in there. The plunger? No, I don't know.

The Commercial Break

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The auger.

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Yes, thank you. Finally, someone with common sense. An auger, a snake. I need to go get one of those snakes and the things that you can stick in there and twist around and then it pulls everything out or pushes it down or whatever, loosens it up.

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Yeah, you can do an electric version, but I thought if I get a 15-foot one, then I'd be fine. I could stick it down there and twist it around. You know, they make manual ones too. So we go to Chuck E. Cheese. Story to be told. We go to Chuck E. Cheese. And then afterwards I said, OK, I'm going to the Lowe's and I'm going to go get the shit that we need.

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So I go and then I go, I'm really I'm going to probably stick with first breaking it up with some Drano.

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So I got my opinion.

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I know. Well, listen, it is, but if you don't put it down there all the time, if you put it down there once in a while, you'll live to tell another day.

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So I don't know how they don't know it's live, but they don't know it's live. So at least that's the catch that they say. So if you want a very interesting Instagram account to follow.

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So I go, and I'm looking at all the different selections of Drano. They have drain this, grease that, do this, do that. Supercharged. Supercharged, yes. Guaranteed. Works in five minutes. Guaranteed.

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No, you don't want the regular Drano. Yeah, you don't want Drano. You want... Drain everything.

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Or you're definitely getting through. You want Drain Dragon 3000. That's what you want. Trusted by professionals. Guaranteed to work in five minutes. So I get the one. There is one literally that has a plastic bag wrapped around it. And it said, please put this back in the bag when done using for safety purposes. And I don't even read it. I go, that's the one. That's the one.

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that is the one i need that i need that so i get it i get the snake i check out i go home i tell all the kids to get the fuck out of the kitchen so i don't hurt you i put the dog outside 20 degrees but whatever she deserves it and then i take this thing out of its plastic bag and i start pouring it into the kitchen sink into the disposal

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To which it says, never use in a disposal ever. And then it also says, please put a porcelain bowl or tin pan on top of the drain after use in case of explosion. And I'm like, what is this devil that I just poured down my sink? It is liquid lye. Yeah, the same stuff my mafia uses to dissolve your fucking body is the shit that can dissolve your grease.

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I've seen people getting in fights. I've seen women throwing food at men. I've seen women doing weird things to themselves, not sexual things, but weird things to themselves while apparently nobody else is. I mean, just like strange human behavior that we probably all do in some fashion. I mean, honestly.

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But you cannot put it in plastic pipes and you cannot put it inside of a disposal.

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Which I just did. Done deal. So now I quickly turn on the water to flush it all out. And I decide, okay, just go with the auger. And I think, okay, it's only been in there for 30 seconds. Whatever, 30 seconds. So I take the water. I turn it on. Then I hear the water pouring out of something. And I look, and it's pouring out of the disposal. And I thought, oh, it's the pipe. It's backed up again.

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No problem. I take the P-trap off. Bye. Bye. Clean as a daisy. Everything's now flowing well. Only there's water pouring out of the bottom of the disposal.

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It burned through the rubber casing because lye, as soon as it touches any organic material, heats up to like a thousand degrees. Sets itself on fire, basically. I have caused a chemical reaction inside of my disposal and I have completely ruined it. It is draining out of the bottom of the disposal. Right next to the power wire where I'm sure water is not supposed to be.

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Brian, fix the problem that Astrid started and caused his own fucking problem.

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I know.

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This is like, this is the worst. And so, of course, I just continue to blame Astrid for everything. They're out the night. But the truth is I fixed one problem. I caused another. That's right. So now I've got to change my disposal out this weekend, which should be, you know, a whole dickload of fun. But I called my brother who actually knows how to do stuff.

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And I said, listen, I don't need you to do it. I'm just going to buy you a six pack. Can you sit there and watch me and make sure I don't set myself on fire, cause an electricity problem or chop my hand up? Listen, I'm not the guy you call when there's a problem, like a mechanical problem or an electrical problem or a human problem or a relationship problem, problem with your brain.

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I am the guy you call when you occasionally want to giggle at how stupid humans can be. I'll keep you posted on the brand new disposal. We'll talk about Chuck E. Cheese after this.

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I said this a couple of weeks ago, and then I saw it on Russell's special, too, and I think this is probably coming into the collective consciousness now. Our phones are constantly recording devices, and they're taking notes, and they're reading our text messages, and we're putting everything we do on these phones or on social media. All of us are going to be arrestable at some point.

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Trump's naming Sylvester Stallone and Jon Voight and somebody else as special envoy to Hollywood. Hollywood is not a country. It's a fucking zip code. What are we doing? What are we doing? I noticed he also invited all the titans of industry over to his inauguration. You know, Musk, Zuckerberg, the TikTok CEO.

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The government is bought and paid for. It is official. It is official. Expect your life to get a lot more miserable. And not just miserable, but it'll be publicly miserable. We'll know it's coming this time. It's not like everybody else who keeps it a secret. We'll know it's coming this time. Anyway, went to Chuck E. Cheese for one of my daughter's birthdays.

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All of us are going to have arrestable offenses at some point on our phones. But if you could watch... Yeah, there's another thing going wrong there. Let's just fix that now, too. What a disaster this episode is. This will be the funniest episode of Commercial Break history, guaranteed, because that's the way it always works out.

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Man, the cheese is on top. And I would tell you what, there is a whole section of the internet that's just in love with the Chuck E. Cheese pizza. I agree. Really? And everybody else agrees. The pizza is good? It is fucking deliciosos.

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I got to agree. I mean, listen. So we were going to do a party for my very young daughter at an age where we've learned that they will not remember and it's unlikely they even understand what's going on. But a smile on a child's face is worth a thousand bucks. So you do what you do. We've always done big blowout parties on birthdays.

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Unlike my own existence, my own upbringing, where birthdays were barely even recognized. And that's okay. It was a different time back in the 60s. We had big parties in the 60s. You did? I'm kidding. I'm kidding. We just grew up in a different type of family. Yeah, we had big parties. We really didn't have big celebrations. It wasn't like a birthday week.

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It was more like a birthday minute where you woke up and it was like, happy birthday. Yeah, we'll have cake later.

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Yeah, I know. I feel jealous of the people who really enjoy celebrating their birthday because I don't. And Astrid hates it every year. I know I'm a miserable, sad sack of shit, and I've talked about it so many times on this show. My happy birthday is being miserable for my birthday. That's how I get all hyped up for it.

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Yeah, I know. But I love making a big deal out of other people's birthdays. I love my kids' birthday. I love my wife's birthday. I do my best. Given the circumstances. Given all my PTSD, I do the best I can. So we're going to have a little family get-together this time for this young girl's birthday because we don't want to spend $10,000 doing a big blowout.

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And we've learned some things over the years, and that is they don't remember them, they likely don't even understand what's going on, and they still want to go to bed at 6.30 in the evening. But the snowstorm hampered that party. So we quickly, Astrid, not we, come on. Astrid. I don't want to get pivoted.

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She thought quickly on her feet and she decided, why don't we do for like a couple of bucks, some discounted weekday price. We can do a Chuck E. Cheese party, invite just a couple of young kids that she likes to play with and some of the other kids, young friends.

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And then we can wear them out for two hours, go from four to six, have some pizza, bring a cake, decorate the table nice, and everyone will love it. And at least then we know she's going to have a good time. Yeah. And I thought, this is a brilliant idea. Let's do this. So we do it. So we reserve the spot, put down 50 bucks, unlimited gameplay. Do whatever you want. You got the wolf package?

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We got the cheese. We got the e-cheese. Yeah, we got the sleazy e-cheese. The easy e-cheese package, baby. One of those cards that doesn't stop. You just go, go, go. Just press it and it just goes. And we've been to other birthday parties at Chuck E. Cheese that are like this. And it's a lot of fun because the kids just go do whatever the fuck they want.

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But, you know, if someone could record me 24 hours a day, I don't think anybody would like me. I just don't. I do weird shit all the time. I'm constantly walking around doing weird shit. If you got the version of me that Astrid gets, you wouldn't like me either. That's all I got to say. Astrid feels obligated to stay with me because she knows I'll fall apart if she leaves me. I'll just be a...

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They don't have to worry about tokens or I don't have to worry about spending $10 every five minutes. Daddy, I don't have any more points. What were you doing? The claw. You can't do the claw. You don't know the claw. As adults, adults do the claw. See that 49-year-old over there? Trying to make a living selling claw-related shit on eBay. Yeah. He is a L-O-S-E-R. But that's okay.

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He's got the easy sleaze package, easy cheese package. So we go and we pull up 15, 20 minutes early to this party. There is one car in the parking lot. And by the looks of the car, it's the manager of the Chuck E. Cheese. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I know. I already know. I know where it's parked. I know what kind of car it is. I'm like, that's amazing. We had the run of the mill.

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It's after a snow day. It's a school night. It's 4 o'clock. No one's going to be there. That's fun. And no one was there, not another living soul, except for the manager of the Chuck E. Cheese, who, God bless his extraordinarily nice heart, took a long time to check us in. And, you know, he was a very chatty fellow.

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He let me know that he'd been with the company for 29 years since he was 16 years old. He'd been with the company. He loves the cheese. He loves the cheese. I don't want to knock a working man because a working woman or man is a working woman or man. There's lots of different jobs out there. And as long as you're working, that's it. Who fucking cares what you do at the end of the day?

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But man, 29 years listening to the Chuck E. Cheese theme song over and over again, dealing with small children. It's a special kind of person. So the second that we get checked in, he's already trying to upsell me on shit, right? He's like, you want to go in the bouncy house?

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The bouncy house, by the way, is one small trampoline connected to another small trampoline that has a big gate, like a cage around it. And you can only go in there if you have a certain wristband. So I said, well, how much is it? And he goes, well, with your special package, you can have it for a discount at $5. And I go, okay, get the kids socks. They have to wear special socks in there.

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Then he says, okay, you guys pre-ordered two large pizzas. Is that what you want? What time do you want it out? And I said, two large pizzas? There's like 10 adults coming and seven children. We better up that to three large pizzas. Make it four large pizzas. And he goes, I'll extra large it for an extra $7 a piece. And I said, yes.

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So now our extraordinarily inexpensive Chuck E. Cheese venture is already costing me hundreds and hundreds of dollars. But I don't want people to go hungry.

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3325.515

Yes. So, yeah, I mean, if you're cheap at the cheese, people are going to know. Exactly. If you're splitting a personal pan pizza between 10 adults, they're going to know. They're going to go, hey, B, you want me to chip in? And if you ask people to chip in at the cheese, things aren't going so well for you. I thought that podcast was doing okay. Aren't you guys on the charts or something?

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Yeah, that doesn't equal money. I'll tell you that much right now. So I say, no, no, no, no, no. Big spenders here. Let me break out that Chime credit card that gives you $300 before payday. Diners Club. Yeah, Diners Club. That's right. Diners Club. Not Capital One, Capital Two. Because that's where the important people bank, at Capital Two. So I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go extra large.

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Let's do a couple peps and a couple cheeses. And I mean peps, I mean pepperonis. People who are into the pizza world know that.

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Yeah, give me a couple peps plus and then give me the cheese. And don't give me any of that uncooked pepperoni. I want those nice, you know. Crispy. Crispy peps. That's what I need. Crispy peps right on my cheeses. Get the chef out here is what I want. And by the way, at one point during the check-in process, the chef, There was a chef. Middle Eastern guy, very old, probably in his early 80s.

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A drunken, disorderly mess. Yes, I'll be one big reason to call the cops. That's what it'll be. And the children certainly aren't going with me. No judge in their right mind is going to look at the commercial break and go, yeah, they should be with him. He eats cream and cereal for breakfast. The guy knows how many drugs the guy has done. Yeah, exactly.

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And he was so nice, even though he did not speak a lick of English. He was so nice. I mean, he speak a little bit of English. And he was like, he was like, you know, came up and he shook my hand and he goes, you need anything? Shit. Like that. I love this. He was so cute. I wanted to give the guy a hug. He's wearing gloves and a hairnet. I loved him. He was the best.

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I thought, okay, if you're microwaving my pizza, I'm good with you, right? Whatever's going on back there. However you guys create those pizzas. So I get everybody the wristbands, the socks, the things, and everyone's going wild. The kids are going crazy. It's just a lovely time.

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You know, it's hard to have so many kids at a Chuck E. Cheese because they all want to play something with you and they need help.

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You know, one of my daughters is on the motorcycles for adults that go back and forth, but she's stuck on it. And it just keeps swinging back and forth. And she's screaming bloody murder. But there's so many other kids that I have to pay attention to that I don't notice for like four minutes that she's like just stuck on this motorcycle. That's right. And the birthday girl likes the carousel.

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That's only three horses, three tiny little horses.

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Yes, she keeps on asking for more and more and more. She spent the entire afternoon on that thing. So then, you know, whatever it is, 4.50, I said, I winked to my guy back in the kitchen. I go, dink, time for pizza. And man, he came out, he was so proud of those pizzas, and they were fucking delicious. I mean, so good. He got cups and plates and glasses. Oh, let me tell you something, too.

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Not only did I have to pay extra for the socks, but then... The guy, I go, what about the drinks? And the guy goes, oh, well, you could get drinks. Like we have the soda found $2.99 for the cups and then you get all you want. And I say, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me get like 13, 14 of those things. So I paid an extra $70 for drinks.

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And what he failed to tell me was that the drinks came with the birthday package. What? By the time I'd already used the, I'd already sucked up a bunch of soda by then. And I was like, fuck. Anywho, pizza's coming out. Everybody's having a great time. My little girl is having, she's just like in shit heaven. She just loves it. She's having so much fun. So many smiles on her face. I loved it.

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And then it was time. The big moment arrived. And they told me this was going to happen. 5.15. Chuck comes out. Chuck is going to make an appearance. He's going to come say happy birthday, do a little dance party.

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The man, the myth, the mouse, Chuck E. Cheese comes out, which I'm pretty sure was just the manager in a mouse hat. Actually, I know it was because he had the same shoes on. But anyway, okay, all right, whatever. So he comes out. And my daughter was frozen in fear.

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Frozen in fear. All my other kids were doing the dance party with him. And my daughter just, she was on the corner of the dance floor and she kept taking one step back without moving. She kept taking one step back, one step back. And so I noticed that and I went up and, you know, to make sure that she remembers this in therapy sessions later on in life.

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Oh, the wolf she didn't like.

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I think it's that they don't move their mouths. I think that's probably the scariest part is that they're talking, but there's no mouth moving, you know? Because there's a loudspeaker. He's doing this dance. Hey, you know, hey, cheeseheads. Oh, and by the way, one of the characters, they don't do the characters anymore, the dancing characters, the animatronics. It's just all on a video screen.

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And he doesn't have a straight thought to save his life. Plus, I'm pretty sure that studio is a fire hazard of epic proportions because it is for sure. Anyway, new studio on the TV looks nice. I like that. I think we look better on this TV than we did on the other TV. This one's in actual 4K. I think the other one was just pretend 4K.

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But there's a whole five minutes dedicated to a character called Munch the Mouse, which, you know, and he kept on saying, who wants to be a part of the munch pack? Munch, munch, munch. Who wants to munch with me? And I thought, eh. know I'm a little bit older than these kids. But the munch pack, I don't know. I had a hard time with that one. I thought this seems overtly sexual to me.

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Who wants to be a part of the munch pack? I do, but I'm 48 and I don't know what it means to you, munch mouse, whatever your name is. So my daughter's backing up. So to make sure that she knows that I care about her, I walked up, I kneeled down and I said, hey, listen, It's just pretend. If you want to say hello, you can say hello. And so I picked her up, and she put her head on my shoulders.

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Then she turned around. She looked at the – and I thought, this is it. She's ready. She's ready for this. And I started walking up to the mouse. And the closer – here's what happened. It was like a siren. I walked up. Ah!

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I walked back it's like she had like a little like I don't like a little magnetic device in her brain and the closer I got the closer the more the magnet electrified it was really really strange but all's well that ends well because Chucky tried to keep coming to her to give her a handshake and finally I had to tell I said hey Chuck hey leave her alone back off I said I think it's enough with Chucky that's what I said I think it's enough with Chucky

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And he goes like this in his big mouse hand. He gave me the thumbs up. So, you know, we had cake. We had fun. And then the most miserable part about any Chuck E. Cheese experience, Dave and Buster's, Andretti's, you know the places. Great Wolf Lodge. The most miserable part about any of these arcade-based point systems where you get tickets or tokens or tickets, whatever the fuck it is.

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is that you have to then try and tell your children how that big stuffed animal costs 7,800 tokens and you have four. Four. We paid $700 for that card and you only have four tokens. You cannot get the 7,000. See that 49-year-old over there at the claw? It's going to take him a year to get that stuffed animal. He's going to try and sell it for $100 on eBay because that's what he does for a living.

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Daddy talks on a microphone. You make the call. Whatever you want to do. Or manager at Chuck E. Cheese. Whatever you want to do, kid. But you do not have enough tokens for that. And they all throw big fucking hissy fits. And I'm like, I'm turning you all into little spoiled shitheads. Why do you think you deserve that? You didn't do anything. All those skee-ball tickets were mine.

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Remember for a while there, they kept saying, you know, coming soon, 4K capabilities. But then when 4K came, my TV didn't change. It just got weirder. Like the TV looked weirder. It looked like we were... You know, like an old video camera or something. Do you know that one?

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By the way, I did play a lot of skee-ball. I love skee-ball. I was rigging the skee-ball. I love skee-ball. Skee-ball is so much fun. It is. And I'm so good at it. I can get in the middle almost every time. If I get into a rhythm.

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Me too. Yeah. It's exactly what you do. That's the only way to do it.

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And it's like the real skee-ball thing. And by the way, I took one of my kids' cards for like a long time and they kept on tugging on me like, can I have my card back? And I was like, no, I'm getting you tokens. Daddy's in the middle of something. Daddy's in the middle of something. Yeah. By the way, I love how I'm – and then I watched – my twin brother was there with his fiancee, Carrie Ann.

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And I loved it. They were playing with the kids and having fun. But at some point they checked out and then they were running around doing video games together. And I was like, and I, first of all, where'd you guys get the card? I know you took it from one of the kids. And second of all, Hey, what the fuck? This is for the kids, not for you.

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But I couldn't yell at him too much because you know what? I do love the games too.

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So anyone, anyway, everybody had enough for a rubber bouncy ball that I quickly threw away as soon as we got home. And that's my day at Chuck E. Cheese. Fuck you.

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Oh, the chef came out. He was like going home for the day or something. And he's like, everything good for everyone. Good birthday. And I like, I just wanted to give him a hug.

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I was like, you're so good. Everybody at Chuck E. Cheese was lovely, by the way. Lovely.

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Go.

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Do you know? The manager told me when I got there, he said, you got the place to yourself at least till 530. He goes, but then there's another birthday over there. He pointed and then he goes, and that birthday right there is for a 46-year-old man.

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And I said, well, we want to be out of here by then. What time does that guy come? Yeah. And they always put stamps on your hand, like with the same party gets the same stamp, so you have to check. But they never check.

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No. You got to keep a close eye on your kids. No one's going to watch your kids like you do. That's right. That's all I got to say. All right. Check out Russell Howard's brand new special available on his website. We'll ask Christina to put the link in the show notes. You're the best. He's also on tour, got lots of stuff on YouTube, his social media.

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He's a really, really nice guy and extraordinarily funny. He's a really good satirist. Satirist? Is that what you call him? Satirist?

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Satirist? Tomato, tomato. If you want more information, go read the New York... I'm going to read that article. Yeah, I'll send it to you. It's really fascinating, actually. It's really fascinating. Two enterprising young men found a way to get everybody hooked on NO2. Locally. Isn't that how it always happens, though? Yeah. And also, if you would, please go to our website, tcbpodcast.com.

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Yeah. And I couldn't get my, they couldn't get that TV off it. So anyway, so here we are with our new TV in the studio and finally we're recording. So you're hearing actually what we're doing. There you go. So speaking of drugs and a hot mess. I read the most interesting article the other day, and it hit very close to home because it's very close to home. Let me explain.

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All the information about Chrissy and more facts and information that you could ever want about Chrissy and I. All the audio, all the video. Plus, you can get your free TCB swag. Go to the Contact Us button. Drop down menu says, I want my free sticker. Give us your address and away it will go. Please do follow us on social media. There's more of you now than there ever was before.

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But I'm not sure what that means. I don't know that you listen to the show. At The Commercial Break on Instagram. TCB Podcast on TikTok. And now all episodes available. YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break. And as Astrid points out, you'll want to see the new studio. Please do that. 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. We would appreciate it.

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Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

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I'll tell you that I love you. And I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I do say, we will say, and we must say, goodbye.

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The New York magazine wrote a very lengthy article on the new drug craze sweeping the nation, what they called the next drug epidemic. And the title was something along the lines of the next drug epidemic comes in blueberry flavor.

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Yes. And the new drug epidemic they were talking about is something called galaxy gas. Galaxy gas is just nitrous oxide. Nitrous oxide, the laughing gas that you get at the dentist's office that keeps you from going literally crazy as they're drilling a hole in your fucking head.

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Or outside of a Grateful Dead show or any fish show or goose show. You know how it goes if you've been there. That's the noise you hear.

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Twenty dollar balloons. And then there's some huge line. By otherwise seemingly regular adults. looking to get their fix like they were a child hooked up to the nitrous tank. Because listen, we all go to the dentist at some point. Even my son got it. My son, he got a cavity filled, very young kid. And the doctor said, should I apply nitrous?

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And I said, yes, you should, because that's the only way you're going to get that kid to sit still while you have a drill in his mouth. I know my child. And I also know nitrous oxide. And while I don't want to give my kid used to the idea of being high. I also don't want the kid to suffer. Yeah, like let him doze off. And man, did he. He was saying some wacky shit.

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Yeah, like Little Mermaid was on that TV up there or something. And he was like, you know, before they actually came in to do the procedure, he was like, Daddy, do you think fish can fly? Daddy, why do I sound so weird? Talking in like riddles. And I thought, wow, my kid is much more fun on Galaxy Gas. Here's the thing, though.

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That NO2 is also used in a specific product called Whip It or Whip Cream. Okay? Whip It is owned by a company that will also sell you that gas and In a container, small little metal container called an NO2 cartridge, or what some people on the street, like me, would refer to back in the day as a whippet.

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Yes, and you could go to your local head shop and you could get a pack of those whippets. They were just one hit. right? And you could buy like, it were like $5 a piece. So you'd spend $180 to get 20 of these things. Then you have to buy the accoutrements to crack them open and put them into a balloon.

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Because if you try to do it straight in your mouth, then your mouth would freeze and your teeth would fall out. So, You don't want that. You just want your brain to freeze. You don't want your teeth to freeze. You want your brain to freeze. And that's what it does.

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It is essentially starving your brain of oxygen, which then gives you a certain kind of wah-wah-wah feeling, like you're high, you're floaty, you're leaving your body. You've been to the dentist. You know what I'm talking about. Imagine that times 10, and that's what a Whippet does in a very small dose.

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So here's the story. There is a place not too far from where I live. There are many of these, so don't try and Google it to figure out where I live. But there is a place not too far from where I live and very popular here in Georgia and now throughout the country called Cloud 9. Cloud 9 is a head shop, a head shop that sells smoking devices for your tobacco.

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like a 15 foot bong, why you would want to smoke your tobacco out of a 15. You know how you walk into one of these head shops and they start telling you not to say anything that would make it seem like you were doing anything illegal. It's like the rules of the head shop. You don't say we have any weed smoking devices. You say, do you have a tobacco smoking device?

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That's 15 feet long that I can get shit faced with. Crack pipes, lighters that have flames that are way too big, you know, patchouli. Tapestries. Yes, tapestries. That's right. Tie-dye t-shirts, grateful dead skulls, all kind of incenses, probably kratom, the opioid receptor drug. Stuff that you chew or smoke or drink in the tea or whatever. The dick pills.

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Oh, I am definitely in that store. All kind of shit that a regular adult grocery store refuses to sell, not because they can't make money, but because grannies and grandpas won't like the fact that their bong is sitting next to Pert Plus. Do you understand what I'm saying? Okay, now you got me. They're on every corner, in every town, everywhere. It's a head shop.

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The head shop, Cloud9, is owned by a couple of young enterprising guys, brothers, who went to Kennesaw State University. They found that during the pandemic, people were coming in in droves looking for whippets, and they could not keep them in stock.

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So they did some homework to find out exactly who owned this market and how the gas got here and who was making the containers and how all of that stuff worked and the legality of selling NO2 directly to a consumer. And what they discovered was the largest producers of Whippets were the whipped cream company, Whippets. So the same company...

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that sells you the stuff that makes your apple pie delicious on Thanksgiving is the same company that's selling your teenagers the shit that's getting high after a Grateful Dead show. Now, it's long been known that there is something called the hippie crack mafia.

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If you're into this kind of thing, then you will know that at fish shows, Grateful Dead shows, widespread shows, jam land production shows. That's right. Minus that one fashion show we did where I said no whippets allowed this time. No whippets. That people would be somehow getting huge containers like medical grade NO2, the stuff you would see at a dentist office.

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They would be getting these huge bottles that were like, you know, four feet tall. And they were balloon after balloon, filling up balloons and selling them for $5. It was always curious to me, how did they get a hold of that container of NO2? Do they have a dad that's a dentist?

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Apparently, you used to have to have some kind of medical license or at least convince somebody that you had a medical license in order to get those. And the hippie crack mafia, there was a big expose on them a number of years back, was just faking that they had a medical connection.

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And they were getting like hundreds of these bottles at a time and spanning out across the United States, although they claimed it was never a racket. It probably was a racket. It was probably a guy who was selling these other people would then go out and sell them individually, just like drugs, any other drug.

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Well, the guys at Cloud9 figured out that they could call China and they could have this gas delivered directly to the United States without any kind of permit. Really? And it was legal as long as they delivered the gas safely. It was more about how they got the gas contained than it was whether or not they could sell it to people.

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And they figured out how to get people to cheaply make containers that were much bigger than the single-dose Whippets And they could flavor that gas, and then they could sell it in their stores. And man, did they.

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Millions and millions of dollars. Millions and millions of dollars worth of Galaxy gas. They branded it Galaxy gas. So they were buying it from China. They were filling it up in containers. They were delivering them across the United States, and they were expanding huge. Now these stores are everywhere, these Cloud9 stores. And people were coming in and buying stuff.

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something that would give you maybe 200 doses, 300 doses of this galaxy gas.

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Yeah, it's like two or three feet, the biggest ones, right? And they're $120. So rather than pay $5 for one Whippet, now you were paying like $120 for 300 Whippets. So they were making it cheaper, they were making it more flavorful, and they were making the delivery devices more accessible to everybody.

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And what they found, what the managers of the stores found, is that people sometimes weren't even leaving the parking lot before they were running out of one bottle and going to buy another. They were maxing out their credit cards.

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Of course. Driving on Galaxy Gas? I couldn't even imagine driving.

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Within 20 minutes, that's why the dentist makes you sit there for 15 minutes with pure oxygen afterwards to get your head clear. And that is a relatively low dose of NO2. They are mixing like 10% gas with 90% oxygen. Maybe 20% if your dentist likes you. You know what I'm saying?

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Chrissy, this was crazy to me, the stories that some of these managers were telling inside of this article about how addicted normal human beings, teenagers, 20-somethings, they were ruining their life trying to get a hold of Galaxy Gas. It was so popular that they couldn't keep it in stock.

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And the manager, the owners of these stores kept pressing and pressing, sell the Galaxy Gas, sell it, sell it, sell it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the owners told the managers, don't get the police involved. Whatever you do, don't get the police involved. Even one time when there was an armed robbery, they said, don't get the police involved. This is an internal thing. Yeah, because they knew. Yeah.

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That's a thing now. They make ice cream and cereal. You know, like a little offshoot here. There was a trend, I want to say like back in the mid- Or maybe it's cereal and cream.

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That's what it is.

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Cereal and cream. That's right. Yes. Yes. It was a trend.

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And then all of a sudden you're going to have wealth and abundance. Is that what it is? Because the old wealth and abundance trick.

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Your choice for late night snacks.

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Hey, if you're going to put cereal and ice cream together, my new thing is cookies and whipped cream. So I can't drink half and half anymore at the levels I was drinking it at. So now I just put whipped cream. Yeah, Whippets. I put Whippets all over my cookies. I get high. So there was a trend in the mid-2000s in the aughts where they were opening up cereal shops. Do you remember this? Yes.

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Like walls of different kinds of cereals.

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And people would go in in the morning or the afternoon and they would put cereal in a bowl and whatever kind of milk they wanted and they'd pay $5, endless, all you could eat. I don't think that ever took off, really, but I remember they opened a couple in New York and one in Los Angeles. Yes. I thought that was an interesting idea.

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Not one that warranted an entire restaurant in Manhattan, but an interesting idea nonetheless. That's a college town kind of thing. If you did that in a college town, you'd probably never go out of business.

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All right, so party's over. Everyone's done. Thank you very much. You know, tears and happiness, mainly because it's done, and now we get to go home. And by the way, my kids killed it. They killed it. They danced. They sang. They knew their motions. They knew their movements. I was really proud of them. But this is also not their first rodeo doing this, so I think they were prepped for this.

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So we get done and then the same Biff Henderson all of a sudden – Biff. Yeah. By the way, I'm standing in the front. So when it's over, the front where I'm standing gets very crowded because now this is the open space. So now everybody has crowded the open space to get their kids, to say goodbye to their friends, have a happy summer. Thank you, the teachers, all this other stuff.

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So it's very crowded where I am. And I understand that. I'm just trying to kind of like maneuver to get out. But I'm not going anywhere because no one's going anywhere. And then all of a sudden I notice right behind me, and I mean like breathing down my neck, is Biff Henderson. The same guy who was standing in the middle.

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Yeah, my nemesis at the ceremony. And now I'm like, do we have a thing here? But I don't know because I'm not man enough to know. I don't have that kind of vibe. But I do wonder, do we have a thing here? Should I be worried that he's going to snap my neck from behind? Is this Jean-Claude Van Damme film? Do I need to stand up on the chair? Bloodsport. Bloodsport.

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Do I need to grab one of these heavy wooden chairs and just... Hit him over the head with it. I don't know. And I'm a little bit nervous that now I've got this guy just literally drooling down the back of my hairline. And so I think to myself, geez, you know, just give me a little bit of room, buddy. He's got like his chest up against my back. And I'm like, it's not that tight in here.

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Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, this is my dear friend and co-host of this show, Chris Joy Hoatley. Best to you, Chris.

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You've been hitting from all sides, the back, the front, your legs.

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It's weird. It's like no personal space day at the pre-K. You know what I'm saying? I don't know. Honestly, I sound like I'm complaining. It's not that big of a deal. I don't give a shit. I kind of give a shit. I don't want somebody up on my back. That part, if you're going to if you have to sit in front of me, OK, I understand. Don't sit on my shoes, though. That's a little.

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But again, I don't know that she really even knew. I honestly don't. But if you're going to if you're going to be like in my back, don't be strange.

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You know, when you're too close to somebody's back.

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Yes. And that reminded me of a few times when you go to the grocery store, you're waiting in line at like a Six Flags or a Disney World. And there's just that person that's a little bit too fucking close, like aggressively close. They're angry for some reason. And they're ready to pounce on you. And so they're going to let you know by standing very close.

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Kind of like when I'm driving down the street. And I am one and a half feet from your bumper. Because you have a student driver sticker on your fucking car. That's right. Anyway, kids are done. Now we move into the summer. So expect to hear lots more screaming and yelling.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us. It was a big day around the household as many of the children graduated from their respective non-graduating ages. Right. Yes, non-graduating classes. Some ceremonial things happen. Yeah, ceremonial shit. That means I've got to wake up entirely too early, sit through entirely too long of a ceremony.

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What a cock rock anthem that was. However, one of the best beginnings to any movie with that song has got to be, uh, uh, uh. Dazed and Confused. I was waiting for you to say it, but you didn't say it. Dazed and Confused.

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That's true. They do have it at the beginning of that movie. I need to re-watch that movie.

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Everybody needs to re-watch that movie.

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Yeah, I haven't seen it in a while.

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It's high time we watch that movie again. We'll be here all week, and we'll be right back to talk about TCB's Endless Day. Stay tuned.

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I saw a very interesting reel the other day that I think I have to share and we have to have a conversation about. Now, before this gets started, I shared this with Gustavo. Gustavo! And Astrid last night, and Astrid's like, great, everyone's going to think that you and I hate each other. That is not the truth. I just want to preface this. You'll understand in a second.

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I just want to preface this by saying Astrid and I do not hate each other. This is not why I'm sharing this. I'm sharing this. This is a very click-baity title, but I think the substance, the gist, if you don't mind, also a great podcast by our good friend Mike Peska, tune in, is The gist of this reel from this psychological expert, this marriage expert, is very interesting.

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But, man, are they cute.

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It's thought-provoking, and I think it might be true. You want to listen?

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Yeah, of course. That was a good build-up.

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Are they cute. I find myself being very cheesy during these things. I'm dancing with them. I'm encouraging them. I'm like, clap, clap. Because any parent of any young kid will know this, is that they practice this shit, like, all year long. They start at literally the first day of school. Okay, we're going to have a big thing at the end of the year. And so here we go.

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Thank you. Now, if I can just figure out how to press play on it, we're all going to be good. Here we go. All right.

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This is Tim Ferriss, by the way. One of the world's most famous podcasters. He's been doing this for a long time. I think he puts out like a podcast every three months or some shit like that, doesn't he?

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No, he does it once a week.

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Oh, he does it once a week? Because I subscribe to him. Who's the guy who does it once a year or once every six months? Do you know what I'm talking about?

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Kevin Rose or something like that.

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Yeah. And he gets like 78 million downloads or something. Yeah. Yeah. But this is Tim Ferriss, who is a long time, great interviewer and has a lot of thought provoking conversations. And the word was a little muddled there. But what is marital hatred? And he's saying closeness, disharmony, disharmony, closeness. Yeah.

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That Fred Famo? First of all, what is Fred Famo? I don't know. I don't know either, but I like it.

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And also, turning to your partner and saying, this was a mistake.

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I've been mistaken. You've been had? Yeah, I've been had. That's right.

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That's the first day of your life?

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That's the first day of your real marriage.

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Okay, let's chew on it. I think what he's trying to say is this, if I'm picking up what he's putting down. If you don't mind me paraphrasing here, Chrissy. What he's trying to say is that mating, the honeymoon phase of a relationship, let's call it, and I think we've all been there. Mating is when you put on mating. Okay. The mating, the dance. The mating dance. Yeah, mating dance.

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Let's bring it down to its most base nature, which is mating. Courting. Finding a mate, a suitable mate, and then doing a dance to get them... Coupling. Coupling. Or decoupling. Whatever you want to say.

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I think of mating as sex, but that's me.

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Okay. Well, in the non-sexual way, like us finding a mate. Let's put it that way. Finding a mate. When you're doing that, when you're trying to attract yourself to somebody or you're attracted to somebody, you want to be in your universe and you see potential in the situation. Yeah. you are definitely not going to be 100% the person you are behind closed doors.

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Because let's be honest about it, the person you are behind closed doors, maybe even in very long marriages, sometimes is just a little bit different. No one can be in your mind. No one can know you exactly for who you are in your perspective every single moment of every single day. People can come close. I think I know Astrid pretty well. I think she knows me pretty well.

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You know, happy doody down deep, clap those little pantsies. Happy doody down deep, butt those little feet. You know, whatever it is. And they all, you know, stomp their feet and clap their hands and do little motions above their head. And you know how it goes. I do. And so they practice every day for the entire year for like 262 goddamn days is now the school year. They do this.

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Does she know every single thing about me that I ever think, that I ever want, that I ever desire? No, she doesn't. Because if she did, then Dua Lipa would be on this show. But the reality for a lot of... I think she knows about Dua Lipa. I think she knows about Dua Lipa, but she still hasn't gotten Dua Lipa to come on the show.

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Well, that's a hard ask.

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I think we put our best foot forward because that is what we are doing. That's in our DNA. That's what we do. We do a mating dance. Just like those birds that have pretty feathers or baboons.

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I love watching those shows.

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Butts get all pink and red and rosy, right?

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The birds are the best.

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The birds are the best because theirs are fucking cuckoos.

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They have like a whole little dance, actual dance.

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And they shake their feathers and they twist from one way and they twist from the other and they cock around.

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Yes. It happens in the wild. It happens here. You're on your best behavior. You show your best feathers. You do your best dance. You have your best baboon butt shining.

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You peacock it. I'm peacocking my way through the bar. That's what we do. And like it or not, that often lasts a little longer than most of us would like to admit. We want to make sure that that person knows that we're the best, most suitable person for them. At like a genetic level, at like a DNA code level, we are trained differently.

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We're born, we're bred to put on that show for as long as it takes to secure the deal. And because we tend to mate with one person for life, at least some people do, unless you're the Polly family, then you mate with seven people for half of your life.

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Oh, we do. I got caught up on it. We'll get there.

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Then at some point, it all comes crumbling down. Yeah. It all starts to shed because life, stress, kids, money.

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Stomach viruses.

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Yeah, flu. Flu is the thing that'll take it down real quick. Flu will take that wall down real quick. It all starts crumbling in some way, shape, or form. It's hard to put on that performance for a very, very long time. And we know this about people who are famous. We know this about pastors and preachers and priests. We know this about our own partners.

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I think what he's trying to say is at some point you go, hmm, I remember when Brian was not such a bumbling, stumbling moron. Right? It just happens. And that doesn't... I think hatred is a clickbait word used to antagonize and to prep for a tough conversation.

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But I do see what he's saying is that you go through the... And if you've been in a relationship long enough, you go through these cycles of...

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amorous and being enamored with somebody and then maybe not so enamored with them and then maybe irritated by them and maybe there's some kind of discord or disharmony and then if you know if you have the skills to navigate that then you come back together there's that conversation there's that tough situation that kind of breaks the the stalemate so to speak there's a fucking a fighting I don't know whatever it is in your relationship and it can be probably multiple things in different situations but

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Weeks long breaks. Yes. And then weeks long breaks, they come home and they say, play that song. So I can, and they're doing it in the kitchen and everything. And it's so cute. And you're like, they're going to kill it. This is my kid is Taylor Swift incarnate. Well, Michael Jackson in the works. And then the second they walk out on that little, it's not even a stage.

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But then that closeness again is felt. We now see the person for who they are today. And then we go back through the whole rigmarole again. I think this is a really wise thing.

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You see what's on the dating apps and then you realize what you got.

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That's right. You go to Grindr. You go to Grindr. You get pegged. You stare yourself in the mirror and you say, well, this is who I am today. I'm going to go back to Astrid and explain. Okay. And get some marital discourse so we can get that closeness back together. I think this is a wise thing. And I think the longer conversation is we should be training people. We should be helping them.

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We should be sharing with them. We should be prepping them in relationships. That this, what you see today is not always what's going to be in front of you and you need to be prepared for the eventual change and the change of the relationship and the nature in which the two of you interact, do the dance, talk to each other, communicate, love, fuck, fight, whatever it is. You need to be doing, uh,

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Prep work because and you need to be vigilant and aware that things are changing and that's okay. That's what happens. I love it. I think it's great. And I think that there's a larger conversation here about loneliness, about kind of inability to be in any kind of sustained relationship. with our young people today, not all of them.

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There's lots of young folks, young folks I know, Gustavo and Allie, right? They've been in a relationship for longer than I've,

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Yeah, we have somebody that's doing the same thing.

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Yeah. So you can do it. You can do it successfully. And there are lots of people who are doing it successfully. But there's also lots of conversation, lots of research that shows that it's not being done successfully at many, many levels. And the birth rate is going down. Not that it matters if you have a baby or don't have a baby. You don't want to have a kid. I understand.

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It's kind of a fucked up time to have a kid. I have 12 of them. I know. But there is this, like, undercurrent of... stress amongst professionals, experts, about the level of loneliness that's going on in this country. And some people think that's because there's really an inability to understand what a relationship is, how it works, and to see it through.

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And so I think this is, take the word marriage out of it, relationship hatred, like, you know, the strength of a relationship, the length of a relationship, and the way in which it goes down is tough. There's nothing easy about it.

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But, you know, if you really love that person, and you see that it's worthy, and you feel like it makes you a better person, and you make them a better person, it's worth, sticking it out. It's worth understanding.

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It's not always going to be the same thing as it was the very first day. No.

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No. And the high, there's, yeah, there's highs and there's lows. And hopefully the lows make you remember the highs.

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And vice versa, too. I mean, you know, you just, yeah, be prepared. There's going to be highs and lows. Yes. And if you really do love and care about each other and have a deep respect and have open communication with your partner, then you can make it through.

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It's just like a hall where they're at. And they've taped off a little area and put a backdrop. And the second those kids walk out there, it's like. That stage fright. Ah!

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Yeah, absolutely. Listen, you think that it's just going to be, you know, traveling around to the beaches and fucking five times a day. That's not how a relationship works. Pretty soon, it's going to be dragging kids to Disney World and praying that you get five minutes to take a shit by yourself.

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Well, I was going to say, too, you know, having – and I've seen this happen. I think probably it's well known that, yeah, I mean, adding kids into babies and kids and things into the relationship definitely changes things.

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Oh, yeah. I know a lot of people think that, like, kids are, like, the problem solver. Do you know what I'm saying?

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Yeah, that's right. Like, let's have a baby and everything will be good.

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Yeah, I don't.

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If you're having problems in your relationship, do not.

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Have a kid, they said. It'll fix our relationship, they said.

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Yeah, that's not going to be the fix.

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No. Kids are the worst. Because then the kids suffer. Because you're an idiot and then the kids suffer. You know what I'm saying? Not that you're an idiot, but you're an idiot. And I also know a lot of people, and I haven't talked about this in years on this show. Year. I just said years. Like, we've been doing this for years on this show.

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Yes, we have. Well, I mean, we've been doing the show for years.

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We've been doing the show for years. That's what I said. There's an S after that years. After a year, there's an S. It's crazy. I have been married twice, and my first wife, a lovely woman who I have a lot of respect for, and there will always be a place in my heart and in my head for her. When it was time to break up, we decided to get married.

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And a lot of people do that because the marriage will fix the issues. If we could just get married, then on the other side of that wedding, it's smooth sailing. Yeah. So I myself fell victim to that grass is greener on the other side kind of thing. It just doesn't work like that. It never works like that.

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If there's trouble, if the waters are choppy now, you got to get to calmer waters before you decide to sail on. That's it. Period. End of sentence. Kids do not fix anything. Marriage does not fix anything. Moving in does not fix anything. Let's take it all the way backwards. Fucking does not. Well, fucking fixes a lot of stuff, actually. Fuck. Do more fucking. That fixes some things.

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It fixes some things.

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But be safe. Don't have a kid.

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Yeah. Be safe.

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Rip it. Wrap it. Let it go. Oh, no. I think Tim Ferriss really provoked a very interesting conversation with this guy coming on. I enjoyed it. I thought it was really smart. And I thought that if more people... would understand this going in, then they would be prepared for the long run if that's what they choose to do. I'm not saying like monogamy is not for everybody. We know that.

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Look at that Polly family. That Polly family.

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Maybe they should be monogamous.

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Yeah, they should be monogamous. It's just so difficult to navigate. I mean, so difficult to navigate. And then, so Polly Family is a brand new, fantastic, life-giving dramedy on TLC, of course, my favorite television station, about two couples and children. So it's a poly family, but it's not poly. It's a closed poly family.

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I think it's what they call it.

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That's what they call it. It sounds like a basketball court. I'm going to the closed quad. Do you want to come with me? Well, because there's four.

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So, and they're closed. And it's two married couples that, yeah, and they each got together, moved in together. One couple already had two kids. Yes. Then they got together, moved in together, did the whole thing. I guess they didn't really marry each other. They're all together.

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They're all together.

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Well, they're actually not all together. They're not. The husbands switch wives every day.

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One day on, one day off. One day on, one day off. He switch, switch, switch.

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This is one long episode of wife swap.

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The women aren't together and the men aren't together.

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No, this is one long episode of Wife Swap. This is what that is. It's one long episode of Wife Swap.

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I'm going to be very upset if you scare them. And there's like 250 people. Grandmas, moms, dads, uncles, aunts, friends of the family, and weird creepers who just found their way into the room. The cavalry is out. Yes, the cavalry is out. We've all come out. Caffeine high, all of us, right? It was the fall.

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It's just that they wanted to have sex with the other people.

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Yeah. I want to have, can I bone your wife? Yeah. You don't mind if I bone your wife? No, not at all. Come on. Yeah. You want to move in? We'll share the mortgage, split the bills. Yeah. By the way, I hate you. Oh, I hate you too. Yeah. The men hate each other. Hate each other. Yeah. They're trying to play nice for the cameras. They're not even trying to play nice for the cameras.

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Speaking of adding kids into the mix, then that's what they did. So not only did the one couple already have two, then each of the wives had kids at the same time, had one baby each at the same time. So now those kids are toddlers running around. And then the one, another wife, had another, just had another baby. They've got a newborn. So they've got two toddlers, a newborn.

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The other ones are like five and eight or something. I mean, throw that in.

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And just to let you know, they do not know who the father of any of the children are. Because that makes life easier. Well, okay, I don't want to get into all the news show about the show. Go watch it. There's three episodes.

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It looks miserable.

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It's a miserable show. It's a miserable situation. But I'll keep watching it because I'm fascinated. I'm going to keep watching it. I just want to see the two guys go at it at some point, really get down to it. And one guy's a big, fluffy, sensitive hairball. And the other guy's a big, tough guy with a fucking dick swinging. And so it's two completely opposite personalities.

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And they just have an extreme dislike for each other. But hey, he's... And by the way, one is the big sensitive hairball is clearly the better lover in the group because both women want him there. But the other guy, the guy with the big swinging dick, you know, he's a lug nut. And I think he's probably a one pump chump. And the girls are like, well, it's my day with David. Trying to find that.

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I'm going to get quicker at this. but then it's their time with sorry i'm just going crazy on its own but then it's their time to be with whatever his name is let's call him michael so sean's the big lug nut and they're like well it's my time my night with sean and then it's uh and then they go well it's my night with michael

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Got to get the lingerie, put on my makeup, take a shower, shave my legs, clean my hoo-hoo. Here we go. Michael's coming in the door because Michael's just more of a sensitive type. He probably connects romantically a little bit better, I think. So it's a very interesting look at a very interesting family. I'm not knocking it. If that's what you choose to do. I don't have any problem with it.

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It's just having cameras in the door. It clearly shows that this is not working out as well as they had expected it to work out. It's kind of a shit show, if I'm being honest. Okay. Polly family, go check out Tim Ferriss' episode on marital hatred if you're interested in that. If you're interested in kind of seeding your mind about what it takes to have a serious relationship for a long time.

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If that's you, if you're into it, then go there. You know, the birth rates are going down like crazy. There's a lot of experts that are very concerned about that. And then there's a lot of people who aren't concerned about it. They're like, that's okay. We don't need as many humans on Earth. But, you know, once it goes to a certain point, you can never recover from it.

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So once it gets to, like, in Japan, they are literally paying, like, 5,000 yen.

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Per year or something for the first 10 years. I don't know what it is to have a child because their birth rate is about to go negative. And once it goes negative, it's like almost impossible to recover from that. And then you're going to have Brian and Chrissy, a bunch of 80-year-olds at the Villages Tokyo, and there's going to be no one to do anything. Everyone's just going to be retired.

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I'll tell you about... There's always strange ones in the crowd anywhere you go, and I'll explain. There was a few. So we get the front row because Astrid is involved in the school. I don't want to give away too many details, but Astrid's involved in the school, so we managed to score. And by the way, this is a hot ticket. Like, if you don't get there 40 minutes early...

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This is going to be a senior citizen. It's going to be one large senior citizen island. And hey, if Tokyo's where I got to retire, doesn't sound that bad to me. Besides the tsunamis and the earthquakes, I'm good with it. Cool. All right. So let's make a little bit of announcement here halfway through the episode. We'll keep this going for the next couple of weeks.

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We have been referring to our big special event on May 31st as the 12 Hours of TCB, for lack of a better name, quite frankly. It was a placeholder. It was a placeholder. 12 episodes, 12 hours. And we did the 12 Days of TCB, so I thought it was catchy. However... We have decided we are changing the name to TCB's Endless Day. It's a big birthday bash. We're super excited.

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12 at least episodes of the commercial break on May 31st. TCB's Endless Day brought to you by 5-Hour Energy. It is going to be brought to you with limited commercial interruption by 5-Hour Energy. They were nice enough to come in and to say, hey...

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We want to support you, so we're going to send you cases and cases and cases of 5-Hour Energy to keep you and whoever else is crazy enough to join you up all day long. And in addition to that, we're going to slim down the commercials to just three per episode. One in the beginning, one in the middle, and one in the end. That's amazeballs. So thank you very much to 5-Hour Energy.

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They've been a sponsor for a while. They're really cool. They're super supportive. And I thought this was like a lovely... That stuff tastes great. Yeah. There's that new flavor. Spicy de mango.

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I think it was how I say that on the commercial that really closed the deal. Cinco de Mayo spicy. Cinco de mango. It sounded good. I heard that commercially.

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You did a good job.

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Thank you very much. I appreciate it. I used an authentic accent for that one. So, TCB's Endless Day, sponsored by 5-Hour Energy, May 31st, starting at 10 a.m. Stay tuned. Make sure you're following us on all the socials or go to the website. Drop us a line. You want to join us on that day, 212-433-3TCB.

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Text us and let us know, and we'll let you know how you can call in and talk to Chrissy and I. Say happy birthday to us, because that's what it is. It's a big birthday bash. It is. And while you're at it, I know it's crazy. Five fucking years. I mean, technically.

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Five years, five hour energy. There's something there.

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There is something there. Maybe they saw it before I did. And technically, we've already been doing this for five years. Like our first episode came out on April 23rd or something like that. Yeah. But we're too lazy to actually do it.

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We're just getting the party. Yeah. We were late planning the party. Yeah. Now we're having the party. Yeah.

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You're not going to have a chair anywhere where you can see your child. But what is permissible and what does happen is that if your child's class comes out, then you can run up to the front, sit down in front of them, Indian style, right? I don't know what they call that, crossy leggies or whatever it is. Crisscross applesauce? That's crisscross applesauce.

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You know, I did the math, like I did the math for 12 days of TCB. And so when I did the math and I said, we're gonna do it from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. When I actually did the math, it was 13 hours, not 12. So... However many hours is 12 episodes, that's what we're going to do for you. Expect nothing more, okay? And if you get a 13th, that's just because you're being good. All right, let's do this.

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Let's take a break. And when we get back, Palladian Light Girls are taking over the internet, and I'm paying attention. We'll be back.

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I have taken notice to... You remember we did Palladian Light Girl? Of course. The girl who was talking in light language. Some of you will remember that we found this girl. The internet found this girl, really, and it just happened to come up on my algorithm. And she was claiming to be a light being from another universe that came down with a special alien light language.

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And only she could talk to the alien light. But you could learn it if you spent $10,000 on a course with her. She did this whole video about it, and in the background was a yappy little shih tzu who literally was shitting on her floor. She didn't pay attention to it. She just kept speaking the alien language. So I don't know where she is. I haven't seen her in a long time, actually.

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But very pretty, blonde girl living, I think she said, in the Hollywood Hills or wherever. Must be nice. And a couple years ago when this came out, I thought, what a strange... young lady, but to each their own. She doesn't seem to be doing any harm to anybody, except for taking $10,000 for a course.

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But then, over the last couple of months, I started to notice that girls that look, dress, and act very much like Alien Light Language Girl have started to pop up, crop up all over my Instagram feed. So Tina and I went out there and we did a little research and we literally found girls

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Dozens of these young ladies and a man actually, not just to not to just, you know, shit on the women here, the men are doing this too, who now are speaking some form of this alien light language. Now, I don't know what's going on here, Chrissy.

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I got to imagine that New Age spiritualism, which started really, you know, I mean, there's always been kind of this like weird Eastern, not weird, but this Eastern philosophy of spirituality found inside you, not outside you. And religion and spirituality has birthed a lot of strange things over the years. It's nothing new there. But this phenomenon is rather unusual.

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Odd to me that these girls, the majority of them, are speaking in tongue and claiming to speak to alien light beings and getting messages. If you look in the comments section of some of these girls who are being followed by a lot of people, and a lot of people are just taking what they're saying at face value, it seems like really going down the rabbit hole with them. Cult, if I don't mind.

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And that's obnoxious to see a bunch of 30, 40-year-olds crisscross applesauce. It just is. I'm sorry. But I understand because I did it, too. The first couple years my kids were at this school, we did not know the gig. So we always had a shitty parking spot, and we'd have to stand in the back of the hall and then run up crisscross applesauce when the kids came out. We had one kid at the time.

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A lot of people are looking for things.

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Yeah, we're looking for any kind of meaning, any kind of normalcy. And we want to have some kind of ticket to ride somewhere that's not this miserable shit show we find ourselves involved in currently. I get that. I do.

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A ticket to ride on a comet, actually.

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Remember that one? That's right.

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A ticket to ride.

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A ticket to have alien-like babies up in space. But if you read through the comments, which of course I do, on a number of these girls, there are linguistics experts who are saying that one specifically I will recall on one of these reels. Maybe I can remember which one it was if we look through a couple of them. who said, I am a linguistics expert.

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I have studied people speaking in tongue in religious ceremonies for years. And sometimes people go into like kind of a crazy trance and they start to speak a language that is clearly not forced. They're not thinking about it. It's literally mumbo jumbo coming from the inside of their mind that does not sound like or...

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mimic an actual language this is not that these people are trying to make up a language mimicking other languages meaning they're thinking about it they actually have they're forcing it to happen right and i think you can clearly figure that out by this are they speaking some of the like are they all talking differently A lot of them. I don't think you could tell the difference.

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Well, let's listen to a few of them and we'll see. So I put together a collection of reels here. I'm not going to give away the names. I'm not here to like pick on anybody specifically. Not really. All right. Let's take a listen to what some of these people have to say and some of their alien light language. Okay? Okay.

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It's like Russian and Spanish put together. Meanwhile, she's rubbing a rose all over her chest and face. What in the good Lord is going on here? What happened with this poor girl? Oh, my God. I know seven of these people in real life, by the way.

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All right, here's another one. Take a listen.

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So now we have front row seats because Astrid's like a queen over at that school. She does a million fucking things for all those kids and the teachers and stuff like that. So we have the whole front row there. Look at you, V.

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Well, what are they saying?

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They're getting messages from the universe, Chrissy.

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And what is the message?

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They never tell you that part of it. Oh, okay. Because they're concentrating too hard on their bullshit language. Oh, implanting new subconscious programs in alignment with sacred health, wealth, and abundance in all forms.

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Magical. Sacred. Sacred wealth formula. The sacred wealth formula. If she even knew. They all sound the same. It's all shak, shak, shak, shak, tak, tak, tak, tak.

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Anchoring you into your soul's highest vibrational expression of divine abundance.

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Ah, divine abundance. Exactly what I've been looking for.

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Sacred divine abundance.

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Yes. I'm looking for sacred divine abundance. Thanks, 5-Hour Energy.

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Yeah, it's sign language. Only I know someone who actually does sign language and I'm sure they'd say that's bullshit too. Okay, so there's another one. Let's take a listen to a third one here. Okay. Oh, here's an interesting one.

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Instantaneously thought, I know a way that I can turn this into a business.

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vip viping it over at the uh pre-k right yeah at the little darlings preschool that's right little darlings growth and development preschool or whatever it's called so a principal gives us the warning before the show starts now i've been to like six of these already so i already know this is going to be a two hour long event and there are Mm-hmm.

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Exactly. And this one is one of the most famous of them all. She's got a lot of followers, and she sells a lot of books and a lot of courses. She's a Palladian starseed. Palladian starseed.

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Or at least a hybrid is what she is.

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Yeah, listen, if you think about it, we are all starseeds. If you like really think about it, we're all starseeds. You're not a fucking Palladium. What the Palladium?

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Isn't there a venue called the Palladium?

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There was a venue called the Palladium. Seamless venue accessibility.

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You could never articulate that you were a Palladian? That's what you were hoping to articulate? It all came out once you read the book about Palladians?

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Yeah, this is all a grift, by the way, in case you weren't picking up on it. Oh, here's a guy. Here's a dude. Let's see. Is he hammering that? Yeah. No, he's got one of those.

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It is a corncob. It's a corncob drum. Yes.

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For anybody who follows some of these folks and is into this kind of thing, what are you getting out of this? Like, are you actually vibrating when you hear this? Is there some kind of messaging that's coming through to you? Do you feel like you have a better day after you listen to one of these in the morning? Are you feeling some kind of connection to these people?

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Because this guy literally looks like a character out of a movie. Yeah. He's wearing Lululemon, a little bit too tight, long hair, beard, balding. I mean, I don't know what's going on here, but this is strange to me.

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It really is.

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Yeah. Just to let you know that the dudes are in on it, too. Okay. Maybe one more here. Oh, no, no, no. That's not that. Okay. So, you know, I don't know what's going on. I don't know. But it just all seems a little too hokey pokey to me.

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I'm trying to get my head around it. So they're channeling and saying all of these things from aliens.

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The Palladians.

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Some of them are Palladians. Some of them are more generic alien light language girls. Yes. The Palladians.

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But the Palladians is a species of aliens?

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It's a species of aliens, and they believe that they've been dropped down here on Earth, and they've co-mingled, co-mated with humans.

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That's the hybrids happening, and that if you're a Palladian, then you will activate when you hear certain languages.

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And you will activate... Your Palladian penis.

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And then all of a sudden you're going to have wealth and abundance. Is that what it is? Because the old wealth and abundance trick.

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That's how they get you. Who doesn't want it? Who doesn't want it?

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Who doesn't want sacred abundance?

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Who doesn't want sacred abundance in all forms? Yes. Who doesn't want to... $400 million jet that they can ride around like these preachers do. Because this is what the abundance preachers are doing too. They're claiming that Jesus Christ wanted you to be filthy rich at the expense of whoever. Because abundance means that you are living at your highest form.

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And that clearly is following in the teachings of Jesus. Because these people are playing an age-old parlor trick. An age-old cult trick. One Z, two Z, as my daughter would say, which is to make you believe that you too can be just as rich and healthy and wealthy and loved as they are or claim to be.

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If you only follow the steps they have behind this paywall or behind this donation or behind this gift basket or behind this next retreat and you just go keep on going up through the levels. If we have covered one of these, we have covered 30 of them. And it's not a particularly hard concept to understand. It's basically MLM for your soul.

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Oh, yeah. That's what I was going to say to the yoga.

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Yeah. Yeah. Whatever her name was.

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You have to move up the levels and do the things and whatever.

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It's Scientology. The more you pay, the more secrets you get, the closer to God. Don't say that word. I'm sorry. You're right. That means this episode you'll never hear. The technical. My cameras are about to explode. But you get it. This is very much a well-worn path and one that a lot of people make a lot of money doing.

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And this is just yet another version of this enwrapped in New Age spirituality. But I promise you that at the end of the day, most of these people, most of them, Some of them I think are just like, maybe they truly believe the bullshit. Maybe a few of them, even the bullshit makes them feel like better people. They do better things or whatever, but a majority of them are jumping on a bandwagon.

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They see an opportunity to make money. And as long as they keep selling the books and the retreats and the lotions and the potions and the Alamogotians, then at the end of the day, they are getting enriched at the expense of your You know, your want, your desire, your need to be connected in some way, shape or form. I had a saying, and I think everybody who's heard it has loved it.

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Do you know what the most expensive thing in a strip club is, Chrissy? Hope. Hope. I hope she gives me her phone number. I hope that's her real name. I hope we end up together.

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Now, not to diminish hope.

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Hope is awesome.

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You've got to have hope that, you know, things are going to be better and things are going to get better and be better for you.

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And that should push you to strive to do things but not pay somebody else to.

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Hope is one of the most beautiful things in the world and powerful things in the world. And I believe in it with all of my being. But I don't want to hope on false prophecies. That's just what I don't want. It's all in here. It's not out there.

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Exactly. You shouldn't need to pay for it.

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Now, if I got to pay somebody $10,000 for it, first of all, I can't afford it. Second of all, I'm not going to. First of all, I can't afford it. Maybe I'm the one who's an asshole just because I can't afford to go to the alien light language retreat in, you know –

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New Finland to Peru, where we're going to stay at a five-star Ritz-Carlton and you're going to get a, I don't know, a sage bath with my special, you know, monkey vag oil or whatever it is. We're going to summon your sacred uterus to your most highest abundant form.

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they all come out, they are all deer in the headlights, frozen. No one, you could hear a pin drop. No one in the audience says a word. It's like hushed, it's like hushed harangue. We're all like,

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Your palanian penis.

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We'll be inviting Palladian penises to come up to the uterine uteruses and make sweet, sweet love where money will fall from your vagina.

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We're all fucked. Meanwhile, we can't get five people to follow us on Instagram, and some of these girls have 20 million followers. Oh, I know. It's crazy. A lot of people believe this. A lot of people believe it. And that's the saddest part about this, is that you can't clearly see.

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Well, it doesn't hurt to be a beautiful young girl. Correct. In a very skimpy outfit, rubbing a rose all over your face and body. Yeah.

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I mean, when you're in a bikini.

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When you're in a string bikini. Yeah. Rubbing roses on your willy-hoo-hoo. Yeah. And going shakadigashkadoo. Shakadigashkadoo.

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Continuous episodes of the commercial break, dropping one every hour until we drop one every hour on the floor here in the studio. Just like the kid at the preschool today. I felt for him. That was a somatic response to stress. I saw it, and I feel that because sometimes that happens to me. Stop, drop, and roll. Yeah, stop, drop, and roll. Anyway, TCV's Endless Day brought to you by 5-Hour Energy.

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Also, with the help of Covert Creative, Odyssey, our network, our wonderful network, and CTB New York, our good friend Bella doing all the booking for the show. So thanks, everybody. We really appreciate everybody chipping in. Five years of the commercial break, six seasons. We're going to be talking about it all because we're going to have time to talk about it all.

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Oh, okay, yeah. Good job. Everybody's not just sitting there stone-faced, right?

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We're going to have time to do six more seasons of the commercial break. 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, or content ideas. Let us know. If you want to be on the show, add The Commercial Break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak, and tcbpodcast.com for all the information, all the comings and goings, and your free swag.

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Yeah, but I've got to be honest. I'm that age, and people are just whispering at me from the crowd, and I'm more scared than I would be if you just go ahead and yell at me. I know. Do you know what I'm saying? Just give me a little encouragement. Yes. So here they are. They're all there in the headlights like this. Song starts. First kid drops to the floor. Somatic response to stress.

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Still didn't tell that story, but I'll get to it. All right, Chrissy. That's all I can do for now.

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I love you. God, I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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He drops to the floor. He rolls over. He lays down. He's taking a nap. He wants to take a nap.

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He kind of did the play dead.

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He played dead. That's what he did. He's like a roly poly. He just rolled up and just laid on the floor.

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A turtle. Put his head in.

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Cutest little girl in the corner. She didn't make it three seconds in the song.

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Right. So now there's one. There's three left. There's one girl who's kind of trying to make it work. Two teachers who are acting like complete buffoons, you know, doing all of the motions. Yeah. Poor ladies. I mean, listen, I say buffoon, not in a bad way. They're just trying their best to get these kids to do anything. Like, show them that I worked on you at all this year. Please.

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I need a job next year. Show me that I can do something. Third kid runs backwards into the backdrop. And plants his face back there. He's just now he won't face the crowd. So now we got one girl, one boy, one girl kind of doing a little bit of a dance. And the one boy just staring off into the sunset. He doesn't want to look at anybody. He's making no eye contact whatsoever.

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And I swear to God, I just feel like I feel for all of this because I've been there. I've done it. I've watched my kid freeze.

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Yes, I remember you saying.

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Yeah, I've watched my kid do it in the kitchen as if they are dancing. You know, as if it's the American Music Awards. Like professional lighting, stage, stage direction. They've done the whole thing. And then they get out there and they can't remember to breathe. Like, I mean, that's it. So now we've got one girl who's kind of trying and we've got one kid deer in the headlights.

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And so I feel for him. So he's kind of turning his head like left and right and we make eye contact. And I'm like...

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You got this. Because I know I have that goofy face that kids like. I just do. I know I've got that kind of clownish, oh, he could be dangerous, but he's kind of funny. Look at those ears on that guy. Look at the ears on that guy. That's kind of cool. I like that. So I go, you got this. Chrissy, the kid screams. He cries. He runs into the crowd. He doesn't even know where his parents are.

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He just runs into the crowd. The teacher is trying to stop him. He just runs. So now we've got one soldier left. That's it. One soldier amongst all of them.

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Well, the teachers are trying to wrangle them up and stuff, too, trying to put them back on stage. The one kid just refused to get off the floor. Literally, he was playing dead. They were trying to yank him up to get him on his hands. There was one girl who pulled down her pants.

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Because Gustavo's in town here. Gustavo.

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Gustavo. Because Gustavo's in town and he's sitting next to me and we are just, it's a good time.

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Yeah, it's entertaining, I'm sure.

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But I'm going to give a couple of hints and tricks and tips to the parents who in the future will be going through this. I agree. You should be allowed to get up close when your kid's doing this. Like, it's not my kid, so I don't really need to see. But it's inefficient that we just change seats every time a class comes in. You know what I'm saying?

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For everyone to shuffle seats to make sure everyone's got the front row seat when your kid's up there. So I don't mind the whole crisscross applesauce thing. You got to get up there. At least you can get the video to show the grandparents or whatever. But I was sitting in the front row, meaning there was no chairs in front of me. And so it's me and then the stage.

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And then what about the... Were the crisscross applesauce people in front of you?

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Not only were they in front of me, they're sitting on my feet. And there is so much room in front of me. I mean... It just was like kind of silly. Like you don't have to sit with your back against my knees. Do you know what I'm saying?

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I don't know. Give me a little space. Yeah, give me a little space. To the point where we're like one lady. Like this happened five times during the show. Five different people sitting right directly in front of me. All of them did the same thing. All of them extraordinarily close. Like literally their backs against my knees. Yeah.

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Or did you just start to braid somebody's hair?

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Well, one lady sat on my shoe, and I started poking her in the butt.

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Yeah, but she was, you know, there was cushion there, and I don't think she felt what was going on, but I... I thought to myself, this is just a little too close. We're all friendly here, but a little too close for comfort. Let's get going. You can move in 30 centimeters would be okay. Give my feet a little room to breathe. That was a little ridiculous.

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Some of them are Palladians. Some of them are more generic alien light language girls. Yes. The Palladians.

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And then the other thing is, is like when we get there and there's this hall and I already know the drill. There are going to be entirely too few seats for entirely too many people. And there's a lot. And everybody wants. It's a long thing. You do not want to stand for two hours during this. And there is a hallway full of extra chairs stacked up full of extra chairs.

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So I go I see a guy take one of the extra chairs to go in the back. And I think to myself, OK, yeah, that's a good idea. I already know there's going to be plenty more people than seats. Let me let me look at a few of these tough guys around here and let's all start a chain and let's get it going. And we'll put a few extra rows in the back.

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But the Palladians is a species of aliens?

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There's plenty of chairs like let's make sure that everyone can take a seat. And so I go over there. I'm not necessarily directing traffic, but kind of directing traffic. Right. And these seats are they're wooden and they're really heavy. So I'm pulling one. I give it to a guy. I pull one. I give him a second chair, two chairs. That's good. You're good. Two chairs. It's a very heavy thing.

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It's a species of aliens. And they believe that they've been dropped down here on Earth. And they've co-mingled, co-mated with humans.

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Meanwhile, I don't know, Biff Johnson comes over and he's like, I'm just going to get the stack. It's like five chairs. And I go, oh, okay, all right, go for that. Literally cannot move the stack one inch. He's like... He's trying. He's trying too hard for too long because now he knows kind of what a dum-dum he looks like. Yeah, like, okay, bro.

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Do it your way.

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Yeah. So, okay.

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There are wooden chairs, though. I'm kind of hung up on this for a minute because I remember in school having like, you know, the small like plastic ones with the butt carve out and like some metal legs.

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I don't want to give away too much because I care about the safety of my family and I don't know who's out there listening. Yeah. But the hall is a place where very nice wooden chairs would be appropriate. Let's put it that way. Like nice, solid wooden chairs. So these aren't like the kids' chairs? No, no, no, no, no.

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Oh, I was thinking.

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The school is on one side of the building, and on the other side of the building, it's used for something completely different. But once or twice a year, the school.

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That's the hybrids happening. And that if you're a Palladian, then you will activate when you hear certain languages.

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I'm picturing a school and like the kids' chairs.

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No, no, no, no. Like stacks of kids' chairs. The school does have kids' chairs, but this place has wooden chairs. Right.

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Nice wooden chairs for those kids.

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Right. So I, so I grab, then, okay, now we've, I think we've got enough chairs for two rows. I grab two chairs. I go walk over there. And that same guy is just like standing in the middle of this, like the row that I have to get by to put these chairs down. Yeah. And I'm standing there looking at him and he's standing there looking at me and I go, oh, excuse me.

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Can you, you know, Chrissy, he didn't even like didn't even acknowledge on his face that he had heard what I'd said. But he's like looking directly at me. I know he's not deaf because we just had a conversation like I'm I don't know what's going on. So he doesn't move. Another guy recognizes what's going on here, walks around the guy and says, hand me the chair.

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And I have to hand the chair around the guy who's standing in the middle of the row, not moving for what reason I can't imagine.

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Why was he standing? Because I thought he grabbed two chairs.

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I don't know. Maybe he used all his possible testosterone to try and lift those five chairs into the air. And now he's on a break. His brain's on a break. I don't know. I don't know. He's on a break, I guess. I'm not sure. I don't know. It was like a really silly and weird thing. Party's over. Everyone's done. Ice cream truck outside, which was a nice added touch this year. Let's go get some ice.

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And you will activate. Your Palladian penis.

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By the way, in years past, like when we first started taking, our kid went to this school, they would do this outside. And in May, you're really rolling the dice.

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It could be chilly. Mm-hmm. It could be raining, but it's likely just going to be fucking hot. Yeah. And everyone's going to be dressed nicely, sweating their potatoes off. Yeah. So I'm glad that we at least got the inside part. And the ice cream truck is a nice addition.

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Was it the milk and cereal truck?

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I wish it was the milk and cereal truck. Isn't that an ice cream truck?

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Oh, yeah. I passed it. It's parked at this business that's down the street from where I live. Oh, really? That's when I took the picture. I'm like, there's an actual milk and cereal truck.

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Jake, in being the showman that he is, being kind of the circus, I don't know, like, he's the guy who the circus runs around, right? He's the circus master. He's the, what do they call him? The ringleader. He's the ringleader. He's the tent master. He puts on the show. And I bet inside of him, being the problem child, quote unquote,

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The best thing that he could do for his career and to make himself more of a shitshow is to knock Mike Tyson out. But he didn't. No, he didn't. Somewhere down in him, it said this... I think it said just the respect.

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Yeah. This is my hero, or at least my boxing hero, and I'm not going to knock him out. I'm not going to do him a disservice. Even though it would do me a service, I'm not going to do him a disservice. And I'm not going to, you know, go completely easy on him, but I'm just... Let me hit him a few times and then we'll get out of this.

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The fight went so quick. It was no more than 30, 35 minutes long because they did two, six, was it six or eight two-minute rounds? I think it was eight two-minute rounds. Sixteen minutes altogether, a minute in between each round. It was just, it was over and done with. And you could tell that the crowd inside of the AT&T Stadium was highly disappointed in what was going on. They were booing.

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There was almost no... Okay. Sure. I can imagine. They fixed something, because in the end it did all work fine. But leading up to it, it was really bad. Wenn du die Sache hast, über die jeder spricht, musst du so viele Server haben, die bereit sind für diese Netzwerktraffic. Du kannst es nicht nur auf der Stelle skalieren, wenn es anfängt zu passieren. Und ich denke, das war das, was da war.

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Sie sagten, dass etwa 60 Millionen Menschen es live über die Welt streamen würden. Du hattest bereit für 100 Millionen Leute, die das gemacht haben, und sie waren einfach nicht bereit. Die Netzwerke, es wurde einfach kongestiert und sie haben nicht, es hat sie eine Stunde gedauert, um es zu lösen, weil es nicht bis zum fünften Rund des Frauenkampfes war, dass Dinge ein bisschen klarer wurden.

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Nun, zu ihrer, ich glaube, Kredite, ich bin nicht even sicher, ob ich ihnen Kredite für das geben würde, aber zu ihrer Kredite, bei der Zeit, als Paul und Tyson begonnen haben, sah es aus, als wäre es geschlossen.

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Aber als alle anfingen, vor dem Serrano-Fight, war es ein Scheiß-Show. Für mindestens 45 Minuten zu einer Stunde. Es war ein Scheiß-Show. Es hat mich ausgelöst. Es war eine sehr blöde und seltsame TV. Es war kalt, pixeliert. Und ich habe meinem Vater gesagt, ich bin froh, dass es ein bisschen fuzzig ist, weil ich nicht mehr auf den Cut schauen möchte.

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Ich will definitiv Pay-Per-View machen, um diese beiden wieder zu kämpfen. Jake Paul und Mike Tyson, there will be no rematch. However, the word is, is that Tyson and McGregor are talking about that fight. Tyson and, I mean, not Tyson, Jake Paul and Conor McGregor.

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MMA style, now that.

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...is a fight I will watch on YouTube after it's done, because Jake's not gonna get me twice. There's no way. But at least Conor McGregor is kind of close to his age. What's Conor? Conor's 35 or something? I mean, at least Conor McGregor would put on a fight. He has the legs to put on a fight. So, mad respect to Mike Tyson. You're still the greatest that ever lived. I don't care.

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This is just a little pockmark on you. You know, just... Das ist ein kleiner Pockmark auf einem sonstigen Exemplar-Boxing-Rekord. Und Jake, ich gebe dir ein bisschen Respekt, aber du hast einen der größten Boxing-Con-Jobs jemals gespielt, um alle zu glauben, dass das der Kampf sein wird, den sie sehen mussten.

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Und ich bin sicher froh, dass ich das gemacht habe, aber nicht für die Gründe, die ich gedacht habe.

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I wasn't disappointed that even though I have 34 children who wake up at 5.15 in the morning, that I stayed up till 2 a.m. to watch all of them. What time did you get to bed?

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Yeah, by the time I took a shower and got in the bed, it was about 2 a.m. And my lovely wife let me sleep in. So for the first time since I can remember, I mean, I think I slept till like 10.15. That's amazing. When you have children and you sleep till 10.15, life is good. And when you sleep till 10.15 and you don't have calcium as an excuse anymore... That is a fantastic day at the office.

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This is the second, third, fourth time. I'm trying to figure out who does live worse. Elon Musk or Netflix. I can't decide. Okay, great. Fantastic. He's got this new fangle. Oh, ja. So, we turn it on, right as it gets started, 8 o'clock, everything is fine, until right before the Taylor-Serrano fight, and then shit starts going haywire.

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So, all right, let's take a break. Lots more to talk about. We'll be back.

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Okay, a little housekeeping before we get started. I'm going so fast this morning, my mouth can't keep up.

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Oh, it's that powdered cold coffee. That shit is full of caffeine, but not full of taste, I'll tell you that much. I mean, my wife came to me like a month ago, a month and a half ago. I love Starbucks. And the only reason why I love my Starbucks is because it's very close to the house. It's like I can walk there. So I have no like particular allegiance to Starbucks.

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It's just a familiar taste that I like the taste of the coffee. It's fine. It does the trick and it's fully caffeined, right? Ja, professionell gemacht. Ja, genau. Und der kaltgebrühte Kaffee dort ist ziemlich fucking gut. Ich meine, ich muss sagen, es ist ziemlich gut. Ist es so gut, wie ich es jemals hatte? Nein, aber es ist ziemlich fucking gut.

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Also hat meine Frau mir über diese TikTok-Rage angefangen, den Nescafe kaltgebrühten Kaffee, richtig? Es ist... Ja, genau. So I'm like, okay, I'll give it a try for the sake of the family and do my, you know, every once in a while Astrid goes around tightening up the belt and my coffee is the first thing to go and all of my British extensions on Amazon Prime. Britbox und Acorn TV.

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Sie ist so, sind wir noch da? Und ich bin so, jede Nacht. Und sie ist so, brauchen wir sie wirklich? Ich fühle mich immer schuldig. Sie macht es so, als wäre es Essen in den Kindern's Mouth. Oder Britbox. Und ich bin so, werden die Kinder es essen? Wahrscheinlich nicht. Na gut, nur noch einen Monat von Britbox, wenn du es nicht möchtest. Sie sehen gut aus. Sie sehen gut aus.

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Du kannst ihre Rippen sehen. Sie sind Kinder. Ja. Ribs will be fine. There goes that fucking microphone. I'm getting a new one when we change the studio. Swear to God I am. It's decided. Astrid, no more food for the kids. I need a new microphone. So I try that Nescafe, that cold brew coffee, and she buys it. And she made one the first time we got it in the mail or Amazon or whatever.

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And it was really good. Und seitdem habe ich nicht been able to replicate how good it tasted. Because I keep trying different combinations. And it just doesn't taste all that good to me. And it does taste powdery. Like it tastes like powder.

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Maybe I should take one of those, like she has a blender, like the coffee blenders. Maybe I should take a coffee blender and do it that way. Anyway, not what I wanted to talk about. Little house cleaning. House cleaning. Little house cleaning going on here. Okay, let's do some house cleaning. Number one, 12 days of TCB.

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First of all, we're going to be doing fresh episodes through the entire holiday season. I know a lot of podcasts Ja, genau. Ich liebe diese Office-Ladies. Yeah, they're so, I really do like the show. It's a rewatch show or it was a rewatch show. They've now been through all the Office episodes. So now they're going to do more of like kind of like a thing like we do, you know, chitty chatty.

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They're going to take comments and questions from the listeners. I'm not getting paid to say this. I'm just sharing with you that the Office ladies are now on Odyssey. We're happy to have them on our network. And for what reason, I don't know, but they're happy to have. They're happy to be here too. So go check out the office, ladies.

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And then number three, it has been decided in season number six, which will start early next year in January, we will be doing an episode of the commercial break during the weekdays. I'll tell you more about this when the time comes during the weekdays on Twitch. So we will be recording an episode live that you can tune into, comment, ask questions. Tell us how terrible we are.

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All that good stuff. Right there live. So you'll hurt our feelings while it's happening.

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Anytime we do anything with technology or where people can actually tell us how bad we are while it's happening, it's going to be, yeah. We're either going to be a runaway hit Das sind drei Dinge, die passieren werden. Einer der drei Dinge, die passieren werden. Oder wir gehen auf Runaway. Ja, Runaway-Hit, ja. Der ganze Publikum wird auf Runaway gehen.

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Wir haben einen Twitch-Follow, wie wir es auf allen unseren Live-Shows bis jetzt haben. Oder Nummer drei, es wird einfach nur die lustigste Stelle sein, um Spaß zu machen mit zwei Idioten, die auf Twitch sprechen. Twitch is a tough place. I've been to a lot of those Twitch channels and if you're not doing what they want you to do, it can be a real shit show. We're gonna try it.

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Yeah, I imagine some little teenager is gonna find us, like randomly, and he's gonna tell all his friends this is the best place to talk shit about two old white people. But whatever, we'll take it. We'll take the listeners. Okay. What did I want to talk about? I wanted to ask you if you had seen The End of Breath of Fire.

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You watched the end of Breath of Fire. And tell me more about what you thought about this young lady.

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Hatte sie jemanden getroffen? Sie hat einen Mann getroffen und sie hat mit dem Mann sehr schnell verliebt. Es war eine sehr feierliche Beziehung. Jemand hat es genannt, ein Intertwining von zwei narzisstischen Persönlichkeiten, die das Schlimmste in sich haben, richtig? Und sie fokussieren sich nicht auf ihn ganz viel.

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Und vielleicht ist das, weil sie legal nicht wollen, dass sie für etwas, was sie über ihn sagen, schuldig sind. Und wo ist er? Was ist mit ihm passiert? Das weiß ich nicht. Ja. Ja. Ja. Ja. And then never send the paper. They were just like, they were literally blind calling people offices and telling them they needed office supplies.

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I mean, but here's the thing, so we're at my dad's house, two of the kids are on iPads, my stepmom is in the other room watching TV, Astrid's, you know, looking for studio chairs in 4K or something, I don't know what she's doing down there. I got my phone connected to the internet.

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When you use technology, don't worry about it. Yeah, it doesn't worry. So this guy was, he was really, and we also learned that Yogi, the Yogi himself, Yogi Biji, Yogi Biji didn't even do yoga. Didn't even do yoga. This ancient secret yoga that he brought to the world, Kundalini Yoga, was never an ancient nor a secret.

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It was something he made up almost whole cloth, taking pieces from other things he had learned as a Sikh back in Pakistan. So this is, and listen, if you've ever done Kundalini Yoga, then you know there is something to this. So whatever he stumbled upon, he stumbled upon something.

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And give you a hard one, too.

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Yeah, listen, so here's the point. The guy was a con artist, basically. And he did not such great things. Now, a lot of the people that followed him went on to do great things in the world. But he himself... So it's hard to it's hard to throw the baby out with the bathwater. But this young lady about 10 years ago, 12 years ago, went to L.A. and started reinvigorating the Kundalini Yoga practice.

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I guess, practice by opening up a studio in L.A. and it became the most trendy, fashionable thing.

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Like, we're not exactly in the middle of civilization with my father, so I thought maybe he's got like that old, you know, Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017 Ja, genau. Oh mein Gott, what a smoke show and such a great actress. Yes.

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And she became a guru herself. People really started following her. She took advantage of social media, she was doing lives, she was doing YouTube, she was doing all this other stuff. And people really started following her. But in 2020... But she was also known to spend money with abandon. And people were getting conned, is the only way to say it.

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If you went to level one, then you had to go to level two, then you had to go to level three. Sounding familiar, Scientology? Had to go to level four. The more money you paid, the more... The closer you would be to spiritual realization. Enlightenment, yes. Und je mehr Geld du bezahlen würdest, desto mehr Zugang würdest du zu Guru Jagat. Das ist richtig. Das ist so verrückt.

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Und gegen alles, wenn du wirklich Aufmerksamkeit hast zu diesem Art New Age Spiritual Movement, ist es wirklich, sie würde es Prosperity Yoga oder Prosperity Meditation nennen.

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That's it. And he didn't expect that grain of rice. If you really take this back to all of these lineages, this is abhorrent to anything that they preached or practiced. I'm not saying you have to whip yourself on the back in order to get spiritual enlightenment.

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Isn't it amazing? Isn't it amazing how all of these people preach that you can get rich by making me rich? That's fucked up. And it's just like, think about that for one fucking second before you write the check. Listen, people should get paid for the work that they do. $5 for a class of yoga, $25, whatever it is. Yeah. Cool.

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But the fact that she wanted people to follow her, give her money and be in power, it's just like she'd be a red flag altogether. And in 2020, when everything shut down and her money started going away because people could no longer go to these conferences and all this other stuff, she freaked out and she got super conspiratorial and she started... The vaccines are gonna awaken with the 5G waves.

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This is where a lot of this started, like a seed of this. It gets amplified in this community, a community that I know very well. It gets amplified in this community because of people like Guru Jagat. As a matter of fact, maybe because of Guru Jagat. She starts talking about crazy shit.

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Skinwalker aliens running around and lizard people controlling the world and pedophile rings that extend through the entire universe. And it's like... Hold on, hold on. I thought we were just meditating here. I didn't realize science wasn't science.

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But it is here where you have to be careful, because a lot of times in New Age Spirituality, they will claim that the reality is not reality, it's your reality, and you get to make it, and don't listen to anyone else's reality. Fine, great.

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But really what makes reality is that all of us, rather than having our own realities walking around in a fucking psychedelic haze, is that we can all agree on some things are actually happening as we see them together. Like science and math and it's raining and like, you know. People are getting saved by this or that or people are dying because of this or that. Truth is truth. It's facts.

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That's our connection to each other is when we can agree on these things. It's a system of trust that we're all seeing and doing the same things and getting some similar results. But Guru Jaga just throws all that without the baby with the bathwater when her money goes away and decides that everyone is an alien. It was crazy. Yeah, it really took a turn. Es hat.

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Und so hat die Geschichte sich wiedergegeben. Sie hat angefangen, ein Kon-Artist zu werden, Menschen für frei zu sagen, ihre Geld zu nehmen, blablabla, blablabla, blablabla. Du kennst die Geschichte. Okay, es ist so alt wie Zeit. Wenn jemand ein Guru wird, beginnt ein Kult, jemand wird reich und es ist nicht du. Das ist es, oder? Ja, korrekt.

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And she refuses surgery in Germany for whatever reason, probably because the skin walking aliens are the ones that are trying to kill her. And she decides to fly back to L.A. to have the surgery. And the doctors are like, don't do that. Of course you don't do that. You've got a compound fracture. You need to have surgery immediately or you could have all kind of terrible things could happen.

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But she does it. She survives the flight. She gets there. They do the surgery. Everything's fine. They have her on blood thinners to hopefully avoid an embolism. But an embolism, quote unquote, happens a couple weeks later and she dies of a heart attack.

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Es ist sehr open-ended, richtig? Aber die Dokumentation versucht nicht, zu viel ins Konzern-Theorie-Bereich zu stürzen. Es will nicht sein, was es grundsätzlich beschreibt, nicht zu sein. Und es beendet es ein wenig, wo Leute sagen, naja, wir wollen glauben, dass sie noch lebendig ist. Aber die Wahrheit ist, es gibt einen Todeszertifikat und sie ist wahrscheinlich tot. Aber Sie wundern sich.

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Well, yeah, if she's really dead, then it sounds callous. But if she's not dead, if she is in fact living somewhere else and just has avoided responsibility, then, you know, it's not callous. It's whatever. So I'm not here to say one way or the other. I don't know. I don't know Guru Jagat. I don't know anybody who's connected to her. I don't really care.

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I'm not saying that if she did something illegal, she should shirk responsibility. But it's 2024 and that seems to be in vogue. Oh, yeah.

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Yeah, wow. You don't need a guru. Ja, genau. gray area where you're vulnerable and they are powerful and then if you if they are so great and they have attained some kind of enlightenment here on earth that you're looking for Warum? Warum sind sie so viel besser als du? Warum sind sie so viel anders als du? Wie haben sie es gemacht, aber du kannst es nicht, ohne dass du Geld bezahlst?

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Wie haben sie plötzlich geäußert, aber du musst ein paar Geld bezahlen oder all diese Tasken machen oder sie wegwerfen oder was auch immer es ist, um da zu kommen? Denk daran, für nur einen Sekunden. Wenn sie es gemacht haben, warum kannst du es nicht? If they did it without paying anybody, getting molested, conning somebody into spending lots of money, if they did it, why can't you?

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The truth is, you can. So, I'm not sure that anybody in the commercial break audience would be vulnerable in this way, but I'm just sharing in case there's someone on the outskirts of one of these weird new-agey, or maybe not even new-agey, Christian, whatever. Why do you have to give all your money to them? So that you can do what they did, which is become rich on their own.

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Can't you just save that money? Like, okay, you want to give to the church because they're giving to homeless people and you like that idea. Or it's Christmas and some of the kids don't have presents and you're going to give some gifts. I get all that stuff. I do all that stuff.

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Aber ich gebe mein Geld unendlich jemandem, der glaubt, dass ich irgendeine Art von Erleichterung habe, die ich nicht habe. Und ich habe es nie. Und ich sage dir, warum. Weil ich nur die simple Frage frage. Warum kann ich das? Warum kann ich das nicht? Warum kann ich das nicht? Warum kann ich das nicht?

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for a lot of these new age places is they blend reality and truth so that they can get something out of you. That's it. Everybody ends up rich but you. And that's at the end of the day what really fucking drives me crazy about some of these places. Everybody ends up rich except for me. Why not me? Why can't I have my own religion, Chrissy?

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Oh, yeah, I know. Well, and they never really tell you whether or not those ladies are getting the money or not, because if they were, there's like a whole harem of women with the original Yogi Bajrat, uh, There's a whole harem of women who signed NDAs before he died. And if they signed the NDA, they got 50% of his wealth indefinitely, like for life, as long as they were alive.

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And some of the women decided to fuck the NDA. I'm going to write a book or I'm going to tell my story about how I was abused. And so Yogi T is one of the things that they would benefit from. If they were in fact getting the money. But no one ever specifies in the documentary whether or not they're getting the money. Yeah, because I'm not going to do Yogi T anymore.

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If they don't get the money, I'm not buying Yogi T. If it's just enriching some fucking, you know, 60-year-old white dude with a long beard and a fucking headdress, then I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it for a guy in white robes. I'm not doing it.

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Yes, but if it's going to those ladies who were abused, and that's a different story altogether, I'll drink yogi tea till I'm blue in the face. While we're on it, send money to Chrissy and Brian Kerr of GoFundMeWe'reBroke.com GoFundMeYou'reEnlightenedWe'reBroke.com We'd love to have your money. Alright, let's take a break. We'll be back.

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She was so good in The Americans. Did you watch The Americans?

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All righty. You know, I told you we went to my dad's house this weekend.

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So we are, so we had a great time. You know, dad and I watched the fight and then we woke up on Saturday and then we went and bought some accoutrements here for the studio that we're changing for the 55th thousandth time. Meine Großmutter fragte mich, ob wir das Studio oft verändern. Und ich sagte, dass wir die Räder oft verändern.

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Denn wie Sie sehen können, haben wir einen Mann bezahlt, um hierher zu kommen und diese Räder professionell zu sauber zu machen. Und das ist das, was wir mitgebracht haben.

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Es ist ein heißer Mist. Nur der Gedanke, all diese Räder zu verändern und sie wieder zu machen, macht mich schmerzhaft. I was in here last night staring at them and going, I have no clue. I don't even know where to start.

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I really don't. Last time I had to put a piece of tape around each one and name it, which is probably what I'm going to have to do again. But I'm not paying anybody to do it again, because this is what I got when I paid. I can do that on my own. I can do nightmare on my own. I don't need it. So we were up in the South Carolina Clemson area. We went to this rug store, right?

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So good. One of my favorite television shows. Anyway, I back out. I turn on the Diplomat. Perfect 4K quality. And then I go back to the live. And it's another fuzzy, weird, pixelated bullshit. And all they're doing is talking. Who was the lady who was doing the Amber Rose? Rosie Perez. No, not Rosie Perez, but the lady who was on the panel. Oh, yeah. The beautiful black girl with the curly hair.

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And we go to this rug store and it's pretty empty. It's like a rug outlet. It's where they make area rugs. And so we're buying one for the new camera angles that we're going to have. We're buying, you know, just to look a little pretty. And so Astrid, we're all looking at rugs. It's this huge room with all of these rugs. Some of them laying on these big tables.

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Some of them hanging up on those big, you know, like... It looks like a picture book almost.

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Yeah, they're hanging and they're huge and they move and you can pull them and then they open them up and see what they're looking like. So it's huge. It's empty. There's no one in there. There's like maybe two other people in there and a couple of people who work there.

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And in the corner, they have this little house for the kids, like a little playhouse for the kids, a little play area for the kids, right? We've been there before. This is like the 18th rug we've bought because Blue manages to ruin every fucking rug that we have. And the prices are right, a couple hundred dollars for these huge rugs.

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And that's the right price when you have kids and or Blue, because Blue is going to ruin it. You know, she is just don't spend a lot of money on it. So I'm at one end flipping through carpets. Und mein Kind ist am anderen Ende. Ich sehe ihn rennen, bis zum anderen Ende. Es ist wie ein Fußball-Field-Long-Bilding. Und ich kann ihn sehen.

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Und er ist so... Einer meiner Kinder ist so interessiert über alles. Es gibt eine Office-Tür, die offen ist. Und ich kann ihn sehen, wie er sich in den Büro bewegt. Wahrscheinlich, um auf dem Computer in Google zu gehen, wie Disney Cruise oder so etwas. Er will, er will, er will, er will, er will.

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Which is cute, but it's annoying. Hey, stop, get off, stop it. So he's at the other end. He's peering in. Yeah, he's peering in. And there's a couple people that have worked there are milling around. And I'm at the other end. And I go, hey, hey, hey, get out of there. Come here. Get over here. Get over here right now. Get over here. Right? I'm just yelling that to them.

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And all of a sudden, I see out of the corner, like my peripheral vision, that someone is like running toward me. And I'm like, oh, what's going on over there? And then I'm yelling, now, let's go. And this guy comes running up and he goes, Yes, sir. Ha, ha, ha.

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No. Hey, stop that. Get over here. This guy had no idea. He thought I was yelling at him. And he came running over. He came running over. And I was like, oh my God, dude. Oh mein Gott. Ich sage, oh, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein. Ich bin so entschuldigt. Ich war mit meinem Kind da und er war so, oh, das ist alles in Ordnung, Mann. Ich dachte, du brauchst mich.

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Und ich sage, ich war nur schreiend. Ich bin so entschuldigt. Er ist so, ich dachte, du brauchst etwas real schnell. Und ich war so, quick, I need this rug.

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Get over here. Get your ass over here right now. I never felt so embarrassed in my life. Meanwhile, my skin is falling off my bones. So I'm taking this like Fluorosuracil or whatever it is. I don't know. Have you ever taken this? No.

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My stepmom was taking it too. It's called... Is it oral? No, it's a cream. Oh, you couldn't do this oral. Yeah, okay. It will kill you. It's radiation. It's chemo. Oh. For like three or four weeks, depending on how the doctor tells you to take it. And over the period of the first couple of days, it starts to get a little red.

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The spots start, it's amazing because it only targets those particular cells. And it starts to get a little red. And then after a week or so of using it, all of the sudden your face is just like melting off. It looks like I have a terrible sunburn with blisters. That's what it looks like. And it's horrible. And it feels really painful. Jeez.

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Was that Amber Rose?

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And then it doesn't look great when you're staring up close. So you and I went to that meeting on Friday, and the first thing I wanted to say was, excuse my melting face.

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Okay, I don't know what I'm talking about. Anyway, Kate something. Anyway, I don't know. So we're watching it. Okay, great. You know, Rosie Perez, that obnoxious announcer who will not shut the fuck up to save his life. Yeah, he was bad. I don't know who that was. Did you see his hair?

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And now it's already starting to go away. It gets nasty, it gets really angry, and then it goes away. And when it goes away, you stop using it. Wenn es sich heilt, dann stoppst du es. Aber es ist wirklich... Also, da bin ich. Ich stehe da, wie ein Pockmart. Es sieht aus, als ob ich einen verdammten, verdammten Gott habe. Wie wenn ich an Menschen in einem leeren Wohnhaus schreie. Es war verrückt.

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Ich war einfach so überrascht. So we go and then we go and we have some food at this barbecue place, which is... You were saying it was really delicious. The Smoking Pig in Clemson. I'm going to give them a shout out. The food there is just delicious. It's a great place.

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Yeah, they have all this, they have this huge yard out front with like these old... Sure. Nice Saturday. Yeah. Oh, okay. Und egal, was du schreiben möchtest, wo auch immer du es schreiben möchtest, auf den Dekorationen, auf den Türsäulen, auf den Türen, auf den Schuhen, wo auch immer du es schreiben kannst. Ein permanenter Marker. Ein permanenter Marker. Okay.

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Also es gibt Tens von Tausenden von Namen, kleinen Quips, kleinen Bildern, überall über die Wälder, hoch und runter, in und aus diesem Ort, das nicht so alt ist. Es ist wahrscheinlich sechs oder sieben Jahre alt, dieses Ort. Okay. Und die Kinder werden damit fasziniert, dass sie das schreiben wollen. Ich dachte darüber nach. Es ist Unterhaltung.

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Es wird dich zurückhalten, weil du sagst, nächstes Mal, wenn du in Clemson bist, sagst du, wir schauen uns unsere Signatur an. Und dann musst du die Wände nie wieder repainten. Ja, das ist wahr. Und es kann keine dünnen Spots schmücken, die du hast, oder? Ja.

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Also schreiben die Kinder und ich, wir laufen überall über das Restaurant, schreiben alles überall über den Platz, wie ein paar fucking Morons. And one of my daughters, the baby, is... So we're eating at this table in this room. And then there's a table behind me. Actually in front of me, behind Astrid, who's sitting facing me. And then the baby is sitting next to Astrid.

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That guy looked like he's like a Vegas dinner show guy. Yeah. who just rolled into the Texas stadium and decided to do some commentary on the fights. He was really obnoxious. I'm sorry, I gotta say, he drove me crazy.

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Well, she's big enough to stand up and she talks and walks and all that stuff. She stands up at the beginning of the meal. There's a table sitting there with three people who are just trying to enjoy their dinner. And the baby stands up and is staring directly at that table. Now... I love children. So if that was me on the other table, I would just have fun with this the entire meal.

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I would love it, right? It would be great. But I think these people are kind of like, maybe they're having a conversation about something serious. Maybe this is like not the time for them to play. I'm not saying they were being dickish about it. They weren't. But you could tell that it was just getting a little bit annoying. But I could not convince my daughter to sit down and stand straight.

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She just kept on getting up and looking, not saying a word, just deadpan staring them down. To the point, at one point, I noticed that one of the guys kind of turned his chair away from her. I thought, this is trouble wherever we go. I'm yelling at everybody in the carpet place. Now you can't have a comfortable meal around my kids. They have this putt-putt out back.

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My kids are putting golf balls everywhere they can, like in their pockets, in their shirts. They're trying to steal the golf balls. I'm like, you can't do that.

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It's lovely. You gotta go. I mean, if you ever go, you gotta go. It's wonderful.

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Well, you should go. Stop by. Take the kids. The kids would love it. I mean, I know it's like a far drive to go just for a meal, but the kids would love it. I know they would. Excuse me, I take my glasses off since my skin is literally growing in around them. Yes, it's melting. Okay, this is the last, two more days and then I'm done with this because it's burning.

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It's really hurting at this point. But the funniest part about this night, which we just had a great night. Then we went, we got some ice cream and every, you know, eight o'clock at night, kids are ready to go to bed. We pull up to my dad's place, which has a gate and there's a couple gates. There's a couple gates. There's one of those huge neighborhoods on a lake. Mm-hmm.

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And the front gate, which you have to go, you either have to call on the back gate or you have to go in through the front gate and check in with the security guard. But we have a pass. So we usually go in the front gate. So we go into the front gate and the guy is sitting in this security house, right? And he gets out and he, yeah, the hut. That's right. Probably with a heater, a shitter.

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And it smells like Doritos. I can only imagine, right? But listen, these guys are getting paid $15 an hour to basically not do it. I mean, Who is he going to stop? Someone with bad intentions is really going to be stopped by a gunless security guard at a shitty little hut at the top of a hill? No, of course not. But he comes out, a guy I've seen a million times before.

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Every time we go there, at some point during the trip, this guy is checking us in or checking us out. And the guy is like, hey, y'all there for the Airbnb? Und ich sage, was? Und er sagt, y'all coming in for the RBB? Und ich sage, uh, no, I'm going to a different house. It's not an RBB, is it? Und ich sage, RBB? RBB? Was ist RBB? Und er sagt, RBB. You know, the RBBs, the ones you rent.

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Und ich sage, Airbnb? That's what I said, RBB. Ja. I'm like, RBB? What is it, RBB? This guy had that southern accent where you almost can't understand what they're saying?

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Love Cedric the Entertainer. I thought Rosie did great. Rosie did great. Roy Jones Jr., I thought he lended some great perspective. Yeah, insight. Though the commentator, whatever that fucking twad blew in the blue, whatever his name was, and Roy Jones kept on fighting about Tyson biting his glove. But whatever, okay, we'll get on with it.

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Yes, in the Carolinas. There's some people who speak with that.

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Yeah, air is R and then, you know, bear is bar. So you don't understand a fucking word. Chrissy, we were sitting there for like 30 seconds trying to misunderstand each other. R, baby! And I'm like, Arby's? I'm looking at Astrid. I'm like, did he say Arby's? Are we here for Arby's? Oh, Astrid is even more clueless. If there's one thing that trips up Astrid, it's a southern accent.

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It really trips Astrid up. If it's very thick, she has a really hard time. Fair enough. If we go to certain places in Spain, like Lithia, where... All of a sudden, everything becomes a S instead of a S. It's really difficult to understand that Spanish. I already have a hard time doing it anyway. So this guy is RBBs us like for 30 fucking straight seconds.

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And I'm like, I don't fucking have any clue what's going on.

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But he was RBBing us the whole time. RBB, there's a bar over there. RBB, RBB. RBB. R, B, and B, Kids. R, B, and B. That's the way it goes. That's the new one. Yeah. What did you do this weekend?

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What's Southern Bell?

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Yeah, yeah, you don't know. We had a meeting outside the perimeter, which is the perimeter, the 285 that circles the town. It's a highway that's just a circle. That's all it is. And Chrissy had to go just outside the perimeter for a meeting the other day.

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She didn't know what to do.

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Where am I? Yeah, she brought her passport. Check into the restaurant with a passport.

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Yeah, I am not snobbish one way or the other. I get it. Like there's some people who live outside the perimeter who won't go inside the perimeter. It's the same way. It's OTP, ITP. I don't play that game. Like whatever, wherever it is. And I've lived downtown and I've lived outside the perimeter. I've lived in every part of this fucking town.

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So before the ladies start fighting, it's like turned into a shit show. Then I'm getting kicked out. Chrissy and I are texting each other back and forth. I start going on X, which my dad has no clue how X works, right? So I'm on X. I'm like, look, Dad, X. There's like millions of people. There's like four million people complaining about this right now. He's like, how do you do that?

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I've had 34 different residences because no one wants me. We have.

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No one wants me, or you. But Southern Belle, was it good? What kind of food was it?

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Oh, the Plaza Theater. Off Ponce. Got it, off Ponce. I used to live right there. I lived right there. I walked there all the time.

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Okay. Yeah, that's on the other side. That's over by the Trader Joe's. Wow. Lovely. Good for you. Congratulations. A little lovemaking with Jeff. Congratulations to Jeff. Congratulations, Jeff.

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Bleu auf a little steam. Congratulations to Jeff. Watched a little football yesterday. Watched football on Saturday. Yeah, I watched football on Saturday. And, uh,

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They didn't. Georgia looked really good in that game. But yeah, so I told my dad, I go, oh, the Georgia game's on, Dad, we should watch it. And he goes, I didn't know you liked football. I didn't know you even understood what football was. And I was like, yeah, Dad, every once in a while I watch football.

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He didn't believe me. Even my dad doesn't think I'm a man. He's like, ah, whatever. Hi, Brian.

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What can you do? I'm just a boy. Just a boy trying to learn the world.

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Thank you. Ja, Ron. Er war toll. Er war toll. Ich liebe Ron sehr. Jeder hat uns erzählt, wie wundervoll Ron war. Und nicht... Es war nicht mal so wahr. Es war so wahr, es war nicht mal so wundervoll. Er war viel intellektueller, als ich gedacht hätte. Und ich habe es genossen. Yeah, I just thought he was a very sweet man. He was really nice.

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And you could not believe how excited my kids were when I told them I talked to Cooper from The Trolls. Oh my God, they were through the roof. Anyway, go check out all of Ron's stuff. There's links in the show notes from Tuesdays. Check out The Office Lady, now available on the Odyssey app, wherever you get your podcasts. Congratulations to their new deal with Odyssey.

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Hopefully we'll sign a new deal with Odyssey, similar to The Office Ladies, very soon.

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I don't know how much they got paid, but I think we're worth quite... A little bit more, actually. We put out three times as much content as they do.

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Or anyone else in the entire podcast landscape. There you go. Alright. TCBpodcast.com, that's where you go for more information about the show. You get all the audio and all the video right there, one location, and you get your free TCB bumper sticker. All you gotta do is hit the contact us button, drop down menu, I want my free sticker, give us your physical address, and away it will go.

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What channel is that you got on there on the X? How do you tune into a Twitter? And I'm like, Dad, you don't tune into a Twitter. You tune into a fight. What are you talking about? And so I'm just going through the list and I'm watching how many people are complaining with so many funny memes. It's just lovely. Netflix is falling on its face.

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Pretty soon every episode of the commercial break will be available on YouTube. Congratulations. We'll let you know when that is. But we're going to get back to it for a while. We had a streak there for about four months where we had every episode up there. But for various different reasons it didn't work out. But here we are back again doing it again.

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Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for right now. Bye.

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But I'll tell you that I love you.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I do say, we will say, and we must say, goodbye.

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And so I start telling my dad, I'm like, we're going to have to watch this tomorrow. I don't know how we're going to get through an entire fight like this. But we power through and we watch this fight between Amanda Serrano and Kate Taylor. Katie Taylor I have never in my life, and I'm a guy who will tune into the big boxing events.

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It's not my favorite sport in the world, but I understand that there's something a little bit majestic about boxing, about two people beating the tar out of each other and then smacking hands in the end and saying, you know, good fight. There is something like a little majestic. And I think it's just a boy in me who like, you know, I don't know, something about it.

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And I like listening to the commentators talk about strategy when it just looks like they're really just beating the shit out of each other. But apparently there's strategy to it. These two women put on a show like I have never seen in any boxing match ever. It was incredible.

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If you did not watch this and you have the stomach for it, go re-watch the Serrano-Taylor fight on Netflix and you are in for such a treat. Because these two women had the biggest balls in the entire stadium all night long.

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Wie viele Leute haben sich verletzt? Ich weiß, ich dachte, ich würde ihre Schuhe sehen.

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Mein Vater und ich, und ich bin nicht zu schmutzig über Blut generell. Pimple popping, ja, okay, aber Blut nicht wirklich. Aber ich musste mich wegwerfen. Aber nach der dritten oder vierten Runde, nachdem das Cut passiert ist, sind diese beiden einfach in einem Fuß von sich selbst, jeder Chance, die sie hätten, und Smash für Smash, Hit für Hit.

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Pound for pound, they beat the shit out of each other and these punches were landing with force and each one of them, one would do a combination, right, left, left, left.

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Somebody had to go down. I thought to myself, I told my dad, I'm like, someone's going to die. This is Rocky IV.

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This is Rocky IV. When they just start beating the shit out of each other and it becomes a contest to see who's going to die first. And I was like, somebody throw in the towel. I know. We were mesmerized by this fight. And thank God, thank God that Netflix or whoever had the wisdom to put this fight on before Jake Paul and Mike Tyson.

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Because Jake Paul and Mike Tyson was the biggest flop since Geraldo tried to find Capone's vault. It was so fucking shitty.

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I mean, I know everybody's seen this meme right now, but I think I woke people up in the house. Everybody was sleeping except for me and my dad. And maybe my stepmom was up somewhere, but she was in the other room trying to not bother our internet. Ja, genau. Whatever he's saying. Okay. A sweet moment. They give each other a hug and Mike Tyson kisses his son.

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I thought it was a very sweet moment. Like, you know, Dad, you're about to die. I love you. And as Mike turns around to walk away from the interview, the camera guy pans out and Mike is walking away in a high-waisted thong.

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It's a jockstrap. But all it shows is just his naked ass.

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I had to rewind it. I was on the floor. My dad was like, what was that? And I go, dad, that was Mike Tyson's ass. And he goes, was that on purpose? I go, I don't think so, dad. I really don't. I think it took the director too long to cut. I think he forgot to say switch to three.

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Becoming the world's instant, an instant classic meme all over. I had to go to Twitter immediately where people were just on it, like left and right. Und, äh, ich meine, erstens, muss ich sagen, für einen 60-jährigen Mann, fast 60-jährigen Mann, was für ein toller Arsch. Sieht gut aus, Mike. Ja. Meiner sieht schlechter aus und ich bin viel jünger als er.

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Aber zweitens, was für ein Arsch auf behalf von Netflix. And then we get to the big show. Jake Paul comes in, his brother spraying deodorant all over him in some car. Did you see that? The car situation. What in the world? Yeah, he's spraying this deodorant.

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You aren't rich enough. You gotta spray your deodorant all over your brother. You think your brother is about to go into a ring with Mike Tyson? You think he wants deodorant all over him? I mean, what a, oh God, just terrible from beginning to end. I wish.

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It was the joke.

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Well, I mean, yeah, you could tell from the beginning that Jake was, it seemed to not be taking this all that seriously. I mean, the car, the entourage, which by the way, I don't know where they find these bodyguards, but God damn, are they big. Did you notice? Yes. I thought, well, let's let these guys get in and fight because these are the real heavyweights.

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Some of those bodyguards were like 10 feet tall, 600 pounds of pure muscle. It looked, it looked, does Jake Paul need that kind of security? Maybe he does. I don't know. Anyway, so he comes out and razzle dazzle the whole nine yards and then Mike Tyson can barely walk to the ring and he just comes out by himself. Ich habe mich ein wenig gefreut, wenn ich ehrlich bin.

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Und von dem Moment an, als die Glocke klingelt, kommt Mike rein, landet ein paar Schüsse und es sah so aus, als hätte Jake getroffen. Er fühlte es. Aber er war einfach in der Mitte geplant. Es ist so, als wären seine Beine auf dem Boden. Mike Tyson. Er konnte nicht bewegen. Er konnte nicht auf seinen runden Fuß gehen. Nein.

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Und Jake, zwischen der Höhe und dem Reach Advantage, Jake Paul, er hätte Mike ganz ehrlich gesagt zerstört, weil Mike nur ein sitzender Dach war. Und ich gebe Jake einen Teil, ich will dir nicht sagen, dass Jake mich überwinden wird, aber Jake, ich habe den kleinen Teil von Jake über den Wochenende umgekehrt und ich erkläre, warum. He's getting paid a lot of money.

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And everybody wants to see the show. And everybody wants to see somebody drop somebody. That's why they're there. But it becomes pretty apparent by round number three that Mike is in no condition to fight anybody, let alone Jake Paul. I mean, maybe like a 59-year-old against a 59-year-old. Maybe Mike then, where they're just both kind of standing there.

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You know those snowmen that you blow up during Christmas and put out on your front lawn? Yeah, they kind of bobble back and forth. Mike and a snowman. I mean, that would be a good fight. But Jake Paul, no. Jake's in... Ja, er ist auch 30 Jahre jünger. I kind of look like I do right now. But I could have been in peak physical condition. Now I'm just lucky to get up by 8 o'clock in the morning.

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This was not The joke was on Netflix. The joke was on all of us. And Jake pulled off one of the greatest promotional con jobs ever, quite frankly.

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Bis zum nächsten Mal. What a shit show for Netflix. The PR disaster they deserve. I'm sorry. I love Netflix. They bring us a lot of guests. I love their support of comedy. I think they've changed the landscape in a lot of good ways and then some bad. But they cannot do live to save their fucking lives.

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Yes, they looked like they were about to pop like balloons.

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Ring Girls in 2024? I mean, I get it. My dad was like, why are those Ring Girls still in there? Why do they still do that? I'm like, I don't know that, to be honest with you. They're all influencers. They are all influencers?

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Wow. The winner there is the plastic surgeons. Because holy shit. I told my, my dad even said, those things are going to pop. They did look like they were going to pop. Those tops were so tight. The boobs were just, they couldn't go anywhere else. Once the third round was over, it was like abundantly clear that this was not great for Mike Tyson.

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And as a matter of fact, the commentating crew, especially Roy Jones and Rosie Perez, they really had a lot of concern for Mike. They were like, this is not good. He's not doing well. And he kept biting his glove like he was sucking his thumb or something. Did you see that? Yeah, it was a little weird. But here's why I turned the corner a little bit.

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Eddie Vedder's got a unique voice. I thought, oh, he's just trying to rip him off, just like Scott Stapp, just like the next Candlebox, just like the next guy. But when we got in that theater and he was so rock and roll it wasn't even funny, I was like, oh, no, this guy's not Eddie Vedder. This guy is his own thing, and he's really good at what he does.

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The Tabernacle's a beautiful place to see a show.

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We get to the place a little bit early, grab our tickets, you know, old-style box office go, grab an actual ticket, like an actual ticket, which is amazing. I haven't held a ticket in my hands in years. And we go in and we go downstairs to the Tabernacle Bar, which is underneath the actual venue.

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So you walk in and then you can go up the stairs or down the stairs, go up to the venue, down to the bar, you go down to the bar. And in the back, it says $20 off. uh, uh, what do you grind?

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Well, I thought, well, if there's a t-shirt or an album or something, I'll buy it. Cause I didn't pay for the tickets. Let me support Ari in some way, shape or form.

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But there was no merch hanging on the wall, but it said $20 Venmo at Ari Shafir. And I thought to myself, he really just put his actual Venmo out there. Like his personal Venmo out there. Yes, it was his personal Venmo. And it said, Grindr. So Raphael, being Raphael, thought, oh, he's selling mushrooms. That's what it is. There's mushrooms. We can go buy mushrooms.

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So we thought, oh, let's go buy some mushrooms. Is he really selling mushrooms? Okay, let's go buy some. He told stories about drugs and stuff like that on our show. And I know he's told plenty of other stories about doing hallucinogens. Yeah. So I thought, well, maybe he's just ballsy enough to get someone to stand there and actually sell mushrooms.

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But I was disappointed to find there was no mushrooms. But what it was was a small, like, plastic grinder with his face on it, kind of in that, like, Grateful Dead red-blue coloring. And then on the back, he had signed every one of them. There was just, like, a bunch of grinders for sale. 20 bucks.

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So I bought two of them, and then I crushed up my cocaine, and there we go. On went the night.

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My one time a year. My one time a year I took a drag of a cigarette was at the Ari show. And I quickly put it out. I was like, oh, no, no.

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I think it every time. Every time that someone lights up a cigarette around me, that smell gets me. And I'm like, oh, I'd love a drag. And I resist 364 days of the year. But there's one of three places where it gets me. At a concert. in Las Vegas, or in Europe. One of those three things. And I'll even tell Astrid, I'll be like, let me have a cigarette. And she doesn't care. She doesn't control me.

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She's like, okay, whatever. You want to have a cigarette? Have a cigarette. But every time I light up a fucking cigarette, I put it right the goddamn out because I can't take it. It's gross. It's just gross. The taste, the smell. I don't know. I almost feel drunk after. You know what I'm saying? Like there's some weird sensation that comes over me. I think that because...

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Drugs, alcohol and cigarettes were so intertwined in my brain for so long that now when I smoke a cigarette, I get taken back to some place. It's like I'm having a flashback of some sort of me on a floor writhing in anxiety from a long night of cocaine. You know what I'm saying? It's a weird place. It's a weird place that I go.

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So we go upstairs and we all go sit down at these lovely seats that Ari has gotten us. And it's a good crowd. It's a good mix of human beings.

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I know, Chrissy. I couldn't take it. I was like, dude. I know you can't really help the way that you laugh. It's like the way that you sneeze. It's one of those things that just grows on you over time. And some might say I have an obnoxiously high, weird laugh. But I do have to say, the guy sitting next to you, he sounded like a horse. He did.

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I thought to myself the same thing. I was like, is he doing that for effect or is that like, is this a... Then I thought, was he paid? Yeah, me too. I was like, are we, is Ari taping this and he needs someone to be uproariously laughing or... What's going on?

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Okay, dude, we get it. It's funny. We know. But it was, it was funny.

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I had a good laugh. Every minute or so, I had a belly laugh. And yeah, he... Tina came with us. Tina came with us. Tina was there. Some people have written in and said, why isn't Tina on the last few episodes? Tina was always here as in between. She was a stopgap measure. We... Christina was here for a long time. Christina moved on. Tina is always going to be a part of the show.

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She helps write some stuff. She helps with content ideas and guest interviews and all that other stuff. So Tina was here physically in the studio because I had set up the studio in such a way that I could not conveniently do it myself. So, you know, Brian, with all his forethought, can't actually get to the things I need to get to in order to make the show work. So now I've bought more equipment.

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We have more wires. And now I'm able to do it by myself. So Tina will be in here. We will check in with Tina soon. Don't worry. So I know that there's a lot of upheaval going on at the commercial break and everyone's all worried about it. Don't worry. It's, you know, it's back to Chrissy and I. Everything's fine. Astrid's still here. Tina's still here. Other people are still here. You're here.

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Oh, Gustavo's here. Yeah, Gustavo was just on the phone with Astrid. Gustavo! You know, if Gustavo, as long as Gustavo is allowed to stay in the country, I think we're all OK. We don't know. And the Venezuelans are very much up in the air right now. Last time Trump was in office, the Venezuelans were heroes to him. And, you know, he loved them and he was protecting them.

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And, you know, you're welcome here. And we're giving out all these visas to make sure that the Venezuelans don't get, you know, killed by Maduro. And now it's the opposite. Now he hates the Venezuelans. Now the Venezuelans need to leave. And So we'll see. It's a very unsettling time to be a Venezuelan or to love a Venezuelan, to have a Venezuelan family member. It's a very unsettling time.

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Now, of course, Astrid is a citizen, so I don't expect... that anything bad would happen. But we just don't know. I mean, you know, it's a weird, weird time to be an American right now. And let's hope that, I don't know, there's some sense of normalcy or calm that starts to come over this White House so that we can all get about the business of having a good economy,

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Feeding our families and not having to worry about the next dramatic thing. Anyway, that's that. Anyway, to put a point on this, Ari was hilarious. You need to go see him if he comes around. He is.

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So good. So good. So thanks to Ari Shaffir one more time for giving us those tickets. And Aaron Weber, who we haven't seen live yet, but maybe we will. You know who's coming in town I want to go see? Who? Kelsey. Kelsey's going to be in town next week, I think.

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Yeah, let's go. So, Kelsey, send those tickets over to Brian at... No, I don't expect free tickets. And maybe we will go see Kelsey. You never know. We're a wily group. We're out and about all the time.

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I mean, Saturday night, that was just one of many nights that I have been out in the last 10 years. That's one of six nights I have been out in the last decade. That's right.

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Yeah, two nights in a month.

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Two nights in a month. It's crazy. The only thing that was missing on Saturday was Astrid. I know. That's the only thing that was missing. Damn it. It's hard to find a babysitter for three kids.

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And then you have to trust the babysitter.

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That's right. And they have to be willing to stay with the babysitter. Because we could have very well just, you know, there was a couple extra ideas we had about who could babysit. But you're right about that, is that we don't know how the kids are going to react. And to have them come all the way over here to then 15 minutes later say, well, we don't need you.

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I don't think this is going to work out, which has happened before. Because you can't leave your kids with someone when they're screaming bloody murder. You got to trust that they know. I know.

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Well, they do like you. So at least you got one foot forward from some other people.

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Okay. All right. Well, let's do this. We'll talk about babysitting over the break. And then when we come back, we'll talk about stuff you care about. Okay. All right. We'll be back.

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It's cold, but there's a tent with heaters. It's a little rainy. Yeah, band playing. I happen to know the guy who's playing. Anyway, it's a whole fucking shit show over there. And we get right to it. We get right to work, as you do when you're in radio promotions. You drink and act like a fool.

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Did you know that there's only one kind of dog that's allowed in Greenland and it's a Greenland dog? I did not notice. A Greenland shepherd dog or something like that? Greenland hound or something like that.

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So, you know, when Papi Liao was here, we were sharing our love of these people who sail across the ocean by themselves or with another person for no good reason except to show the rest of us that things can be done. Actual things can be done when given a chance. A little bit of motivation and a lot of effort.

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But I love watching these videos about these people who just like, you know, sail across oceans. Or there's a whole family. And now I'm stuck in this loop of this family.

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You've seen The Family. It's like, there's a couple of them that do this. But this one I'm watching, it's like a dad, a mom, and like three teenagers. Two boys and a girl. And sometimes they have their friends with them. And they have this really big boat. Like, it's a really big boat. It's got like rooms downstairs and stuff like that. But it's a sailing boat.

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And they are sailing to some wild places. I mean, like... Israel, like they're going in the Red Sea and stopping in Iraq and wherever these places are. There's crazy places. Yeah. And they really do it. I mean, they go to the Caribbean, they go everywhere. And so somehow stuck in this loop of watching these videos, I start getting served up these other videos.

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And one of them is my girlfriend and I iced in for the winter, wintered in. And I was like, oh, what is that? Wintered in. What does that mean? What that means is they live in Greenland. They go up to the Arctic Circle. They find themselves a nice like fjord, like a like a calm, nice, nice fjord.

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And they stick themselves as far in that fjord as they can get where the water stays relatively calm and the tide doesn't shift too much. And they wait for the ice to ice them in. And then they spend the winter there. On a boat, like a two-person sailing boat with one room. Like we're talking like sleeping on a hammock type of thing. Food. And that's it.

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And then they just, they winterize the boat. They let the ice come. They just stay iced in for the entire winter. Which is fucking insane. It is fucking insane. And the only protection they have.

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They just look cold. The whole thing looks cold. You're right about this. You get cold just watching the video. You don't even have to be there to feel cold because these people are in a constant state of cold. They're surrounded by ice. It's like minus 13 degrees at any given time, even during the day.

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You got to make sure that everyone is having a good time. You got to make sure that when you leave, they know that 94.9 The Bull, they party hard there. They believe in the products they're selling.

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And they just sit there and read and do work on the Internet and look for the bad weather that's going to come and cause problems for them. It just seems like a miserable existence. Right. But they're all excited because they're getting away from everybody. They're like, oh, it's so excited to get away from it. You live in Greenland. You're already away from everybody.

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It's not like there's like a population.

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Yes, they go cocoon in.

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They ice in for the winter. No, not in a warm. I mean, I guess if you consider the boat a warm place. But, you know, they got 50,000 gallons of diesel and this is the weirdest thing. They ice in, then they throw a bunch of stuff off the boat to make sure that the boat sits as high up in the water as possible.

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And then they go and they bury it out somewhere on the ice or in the snow for a later date. Food, rations, emergency kits, communicators in case they get into trouble and a bunch of fuel. And then they just run the generator to have heat and electricity and stuff like that. And their satellite, their fucking Starlink or messing up the sky or whatever it is.

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So I'm watching this whole video. It's like two hours long. It's their first. They're going to go and do this. And so they're getting the boat ready. They're getting all these things ready. And they decide we need two things for protection because we're really in the middle of nowhere. So there's going to be nothing. There's no human beings. There's no roads. There's no nothing.

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But what there is is polar bears and ice foxes and stuff like that. That's all that lives up there. Polar bears. Now, I don't know because I never met a polar bear, but I've seen them at the zoo and they're rather intimidating creatures. They're huge.

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And they're known to kill people because they don't give a shit. They are apex predators. And if you're fucking around and they're territorial too.

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Right. So they get two things. They get a gun and they get a dog. But they have to go to another part of the tundra to go look for a dog. And all these dogs are living outside in this snow and ice. They're not inside dogs. They're outside dogs. And they grab a dog and put him on the boat and try and train him to go pee-pee-poo-poo other places. And he's this huge dog.

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And he's living on this tiny boat just sitting there while they're sailing through the waters. But in all this conversation... They explain that in Greenland, there are no other breeds of dogs that are allowed except for service animals that have been registered and approved by the government. That's it.

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So like I would imagine they probably have like drug sniffing German shepherds or something like that. You know, dogs that find people when they're lost or whatever, but not many. And so I did my homework, and it's true. In Greenland, they only have one kind of dog, and that dog serves a real purpose. It either gets you from point A to B because it's a sled dog. It has a couple purposes.

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Number two, it scares away the polar bears or lets you know that one's coming. And number three, it keeps you warm and protected, right? It's a real purposeful dog, and they don't bark. And so here I am. eating my cream and cereal, watching my video on being iced in for the entire winter was making me feel lonely just watching it. And I'm watching these two amazing human beings do amazing things.

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And I'm looking at this dog and it's just sitting there on the boat like this while they're floating through the ice, trying to find a good place to land. And this dog is just as like a pretty as a princess, just sitting there and only gets excited when he thinks, The dog thinks, number one, now I'm going to get to get off the boat and go take a nice run. Or number two, there's impending doom.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Odley. Best to you, Chris.

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Like there's danger. Even when there's drama going on with the boat, like, oh my gosh, you know, the ice broke up and now we got to reposition and we could get swept away and all this. And everyone, all the humans are excited. The dog is just sitting there quiet as a mouse. It's not that it doesn't care.

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It knows instinctively that I don't need to add to this drama because everybody's already excited anyway. How did I get the opposite of whatever that is? Because I could fart and my dogs bark for a half an hour as if the world has ended, as if there's a criminal coming inside the house to take my children away. This dog is the opposite of whatever that Greenland dog is.

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Those dogs have been bred for purpose and they care about their owners and they want them to be nice and calm. And all I'm doing is causing myself a panic attack every 15 minutes because Blue won't shut up. Won't shut up. There's storms over the weekend. I'm up. I get home from the Ari show.

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When I was a kid, my dad, you know, he was a dad of a certain generation. So maybe he wasn't Mr. Fluffy lovable all the time or any of the time. But he was a man who protected the house.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us. Hope you survived the St. Patrick's Day melee, although Monday, St. Patrick's Day, certainly helps keep things in check. Does it? No, because I remember a Monday, St.

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And he took care of his family. That's what he did. And he did it very economically. Not a lot of words, not a lot of hugs, not a lot of I'm proud of yous, I love yous. I am the exact opposite of whatever that is. I am always doting over my children. I love you. I'm proud of you. Let me help you with that. I got this. You know, maybe sometimes a little bit too much, even helicopter-y sometimes.

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But I picked up from my father that need and want to protect the family and make sure that they're fed. That's why the commercial break, guys. That's why the commercial break. That's why six years of the commercial break.

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Yeah. I'm just hoping it actually starts feeding the family someday soon.

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But I feel this real sense of obligation. Like when I remember when the storms would come to Atlanta, my dad had the weather radio, which is what you had back then, the police scanner.

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And he would stay up in his office and he would turn that on. He would monitor. And on a couple of occasions, he said, let's get down in the basement. Right. Because tornadoes are very real here in Georgia and they do happen. So I picked that up from my father, that need, that want to protect the family. So I get home from Ari on Saturday night. Everyone is sleeping, snug as a bug in a rug.

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Everyone's in the same room because Astrid said, I'm putting everyone in the room. Actually, when I got home, there were like shoes outside in the hallway. Like she was ready if something went down before I got home. But now I'm home and Astrid greeted me and then she went right to bed. She's like, okay, he's got it now, right? It's his shift. So I'm up.

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I'm watching the never-ending news coverage.

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You know, Channel 5, Channel 2, David Chandler here. You know, we have a severe weather. Get down in your basement now. It's impending doom now. You know, Daytona in five minutes and City Central in three minutes. And be careful. And here's all the, you know, open a window and keep your weather radio on and all this other stuff.

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Like the dramatic news coverage, 24-hour news coverage. So I've got it on my phone and I'm watching it. And I'm like, okay. Okay, I'm ready. If anything happens, I know, grab the kids, put them out in the hallway, and we'll survive whatever happens.

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Yeah, it's hard to put all of us in a bathtub. There's so many of us. We don't have a bath that big. Plus, the bathtubs here are on exterior walls, and that's not a good idea. You want to be on the interior wall, right? Okay. So, no must, no fuss. We'll get in the hallway, no problem. But here's my point. I'm like, I'm not going to wake them up unless I absolutely have to do that.

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Not going to wake them up. But Blue has other ideas.

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I turned the red tide green. I turned the, I don't know, the pink tide blue. I'm not sure what I did. But it was a great St. Patrick's Day. It will go down in history, in infamy, if you don't mind, here in some circles.

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Yeah. And so I am just trying to be quiet, trying to keep the volume down. I'm not going to wait. It's 1.30 in the morning. I'm not going to wake anybody else up unless I have to, because number one, it takes a Herculean effort to get those children to sleep in the first place. And I don't want to have to do that twice. But number two, everybody needs their beauty sleep.

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Let's make sure they get as much rest as possible. The first rumble of thunder and Blue's spinning in circles, barking. And I'm like, shut up, Blue. Quiet. And the more that I tell her to quiet, the more she starts spinning around and barking. Chrissy, I'm like this. I'm like, okay, here's the deal.

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If you bark one more time, I'm going to put you out on the back porch and you're going to have to deal with this on your own because you are a little bitch and I don't want to have anything else to do with you. And all I could keep thinking was, if I only had that Greenland dog, we would have none of this. The dog would be quiet as a mouse.

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ready to jump, ready to pounce when the time came to protect the family. She would literally lay over us to protect us from the tornado. And here's Blue. And all Blue can do is run around like a little rat making a bunch of noise.

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She is Toto from The Wizard. Yes. I wish the tornado would take her away to Oz.

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She's cute. And it's like, so it's hard to be super angry at her, but live with her for a decade and you'll figure out how to do it.

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Anytime I come in, anytime I leave.

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It doesn't. She doesn't.

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It's her motto. That's right. She's not like us. She's just weird. She just keeps going. And it's strange because when we leave the house or come in the house, that's it. Even if someone we know very well, Chrissy, who comes over here all the time, like three or four days a week. Yes. She just barks, and it doesn't stop for like 15 minutes.

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And then when you leave, it doesn't stop for 15 minutes, and it just never ends. And any bit of uncalm, like something that's not calm, and she just goes at it. And it drives me crazy, and she's going to wake the whole fucking family up when there's no reason to. That's the worst part about...

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Having Blue is that at any given moment, Blue could decide that something's not to her liking, and she's going to make sure that everybody knows about it by barking.

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No. Every... baby that we've had all 20 of them every baby that we have had it is a constant fight to keep the kids yes stop stop but you can't reason with it because the more you try and reason with her the more angry the more like worked up she gets and it's like no no no no shut up And I thought, oh, my God, I'm changing you for a Greenland dog. I'm sending her to Greenland.

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Chrissy and I, that circle.

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What we can remember, what we can talk about. It was quite the ordeal.

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And I'm going to unleash holy hell on all of Greenland as they breed her into the mix. And the Greenland calm protection dogs all of a sudden turn into barky, yappy little shits. Oh, it's so terrible.

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A muzzle? A muzzle on a snout.

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Yeah. Well, usually you do the muzzle when they're a bite risk. That's why you do the muzzle.

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Because it can restrict them from opening their mouth, but a dog doesn't have to open its mouth very far to have it bark. And then instead of, we're going to get. We can take its vocal cords out.

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Yeah, we can take its vocal cords out. Hannibal dog. Yeah. We'll get this. I've heard dogs with their vocal cords out. It's the most annoying thing. Oh, yeah. Now it's a squirrel. Now I got baby squirrels living in my house.

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It sounds like a dog with a sinus infection. So lo and behold, you know, the baby, I'm like, oh my God, come on.

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Well, I remember all of it. Well, most of it. I do remember carrying you into a hotel room.

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And I have to get some sleep because now I'm going to be miserable.

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Well, you know, when we redid the studio, Astrid's like, just let her stay in the studio because she seems to be okay when she's there. But the problem is that if I get worked up about something, she's going to get worked up, too, and then we're all going to bark.

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Because unbelievably, the person who is really kind of over it in this family, I mean, everybody's over it, but the person who's most over it is Brian. But she just like she is attached at my hip. She that's the other thing is that she follows me around everywhere. And if I'm not like literally looking at her, she will walk in front of me and stand in front of me and just look up.

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And I'm like, oh, my. Really? I can't go anywhere. I go to the bathroom. She has to she's trying to get in the door. And I'm like, you know, I don't need to shit with you here. I don't. Oh, Chrissy, it's terrible. I want a Greenland dog. That's what I want.

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Well, that's what we need for Blue to do.

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Well, I'm going to send her down with that Billy McFarlane and they can do the Fyre Festival. There's only one problem with that. I don't think the Fyre Festival is happening. What a shit show. What a shit show. I'll give you an update about that and also some 90 Day Fiance drama when we get back. Darcy and Stacey. Darcy and Stacey have written a song. Oh, God. And wait until you hear it.

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Green, shots, yingling, a lot of yingling, a tent, a hotel room.

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It's just about as bad as you can imagine. Let's catch up with Fyre 2 and Darcy and Stacey when we get back.

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I'm not listening to the Severance podcast, you asked me. I listen to the Severance, what do they call them? IPEC episodes. They're essentially review episodes. But somehow the cast is connected. It's not like the official. I have listened to the Severance podcast, the one that's the official Severance podcast. But this is called like the Severed podcast. It's different.

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All interesting. There's so many theories. This show you have to watch in such detail. Every little nugget is another thing to hang on to. And I love it, but I can't go down every single rabbit hole because I don't understand all of it. And I want to come to the natural conclusions that I'll come to with my own brain. But this last episode, these last two episodes have been real wing dingers.

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Have you watched them?

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Yeah, they're real wing dingers.

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I hope there's another. There's got to be another season. I mean, it's not possible to wrap this all up in one more episode, unless that episode is like three hours long, which I hope it is. I love Severance. And that episode two episodes ago was only 30 minutes long, 36 minutes long, something like that. And that left me disappointed. But I loved the episode.

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We got it right. So here it is. Chrissy and I are working for the radio station, as we did for many years. Well, not many years. Four years. Three years. It seems like forever. Yeah, you go work in radio and tell me how long it seems like. One day is like five years. It's like interstellar. You know how 1.25 seconds is a day on that planet? Mike's planet or whatever?

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Tell me everything.

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stop talking so evil why do you talk so evil anyway if you're not watching severance you have no idea what we're fucking talking about but you must watch severance because everybody's watching severance um okay so i was going to talk about two things i was going to talk about darcy and stacy yes and then i was going to talk about i just remember the note fire fire fire festival yes

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It was coming to me. It just took me a minute. So weird. I got an email over the break, and then it got me all flustered, and here we go. Okay. Firefest 2, definitely not happening. Definitely, definitely, definitely not happening. The local government says it's not happening. The island that it's supposed to be on says it's not happening.

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Now, all of the hotels that were associated with this have said they have no idea what anybody's talking about. No artists have been announced. And Billy McFarlane has. So you remember how I told you that I had been contacted about like an ancillary something that was going on with Fyre Festival? What I did not realize until I watched a video over the over our little break over the weekend was.

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was that Billy has been trying to put on all kinds of events since he got out of jail, and none of them have happened. He was supposed to book out a hotel, and then he was going to have the biggest artists in the world play at this hotel, and he had to spend a million dollars to get a room to go to watch these artists. That never happened.

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He was going to do an underwater concert, where you're going to have to use scuba gear to get down there. That didn't happen. He was going to do a private Hamptons retreat where everyone got on a helicopter and flew to the Hamptons and saw the best artists in the world. That didn't happen. So many things that Billy has said are going to happen never happened.

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And all in an effort to get people to buy tickets that then he would use the money for however he used the money. And he claims up and down sideways that this is happening. But even the production company, who does have some experience putting on Festivals like EDM festivals down in Mexico, like three of them, but they do have some experience.

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They put out a statement saying that if everything goes right, we'll have this festival. But they have not announced it officially on their website, on their socials, on their Instagram, their TikTok, nothing.

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That's right. Meaning if we get paid, we don't want to be a part of this shit show. So we're going to stay as far away as possible until the very last minute. Oh, and by the way, in case anyone was wondering, Billy McFarland is on parole. He cannot leave the country. Ha ha ha. So Billy McFarlane does not even have permission to be at his own festival. He has never been to the site.

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He has no idea what's going on on the ground because he can't physically be there. So if this isn't if this isn't a clear indicator of just how full of shit this whole situation is. Then let that be your warning. Billy himself has never visited the festival site, has no idea what's going on, can't possibly know what's going on. If you're going to put on a festival like that, how long does Jeff go?

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Does Jeff go like a month ahead of time?

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No, I mean like he goes like physically stays there for like a month ahead of time, a couple weeks ahead of time.

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Okay. Because that's what you need to do if you're putting on a festival. Yeah. And Jeff doesn't even own the festival. It's like there are other people that have ownership. I mean, Jeff has ownership, but he's not like the guy who's writing the checks. Jeff is the director of the festival. But he is down on the ground with his hands dirty.

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Billy can't be there. Don't buy these tickets. I'm sure you haven't, but don't buy these tickets. Let Billy learn one last lesson here. And that is no one's ever going to trust you again to put on a festival. You should have had all of this shit figured out from the moment that you opened your mouth about it. You should have given yourself.

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I just watched Interstellar and that ticking noise. I don't know if you know this, but in the movie Interstellar, this is a total side here, but in the movie Interstellar, when they get to that planet, the water planet. Okay.

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To do it again. But like in the like even worse this time, because at least last time you had musicians that were booked. To try and get people to trust you to do this correctly when you have no acts. Now you have no hotels. You have no indication from anybody that's actually on the ground that they know what's going on. This is like the worst possible PR disaster for any music event, any event.

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And Billy on the Today Show, when asked, you know, do you think people are taking a risk buying these tickets? Yes. And Billy said, well, I think you take a risk when you buy any tickets. No, you don't. Because with most festivals, they've already planned it. It's already it's already happening. They already have the permits, the staging, the porta potties, months and months of logistical work.

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And they probably paid large deposits to these bands and these artists to get them to show up. So, you know what, Billy?

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No. That's what the commercial break does. Not a major music festival. But guess what? If it doesn't come across on your RSS feed, no one's going to die. It's just insane. And to me, how anybody would be hoodwinked into buying these tickets, I don't know. I'm sure there are a couple of people who have bought tickets because they just want to be in on the shit show.

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They get to the water planet, they're near the black hole, and they've left the other guy in the spaceship away from the black hole, and they say to themselves, we have to do this quick, because every 1.25 seconds on this planet is a day on Earth. So the longer we stay here, the longer we're gone.

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But man, I'm telling you what, Billy, if you aren't making money on the festival, if you haven't already signed contracts with Netflix, Hulu, Disney, Max, you know, and all these people to make a documentary about shit show number two, you're the moron. You should have absolutely have a camera crew following you around right now. So that's just an update on Fyre Fest.

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It's less than two months away, about a month and a half away, and no artist, no musical artist has been announced. But there's plenty of sports stars that have said they are connected in some way. Actually, they haven't said that. He's posted them on his Instagram. And so that just makes me feel like it's all that much more shady. Like...

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You want to pay $1,400 just for the tickets to go hang out in the same general area? You could pay $30 and go to the arena and see them play from the nosebleed seats and probably get just as much access as you're going to get at the Fyre Fest. You think Kyrie Irving is going to be hanging out with you because you paid $1,400 to be there? No siree, Bob. Paid the million and a half? Maybe.

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Maybe then Kyrie Irving would be there.

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We don't know. But Darcy and Stacey, you can get them to make you a personalized something or other for like 26 bucks. Right, Miranda? I'm kidding. All right. So let's do this. Darcy and Stacey. How do I explain Darcy and Stacey?

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Yeah, to someone who does not know. I want you to imagine... the biggest birthday balloon you've ever had. Then imagine four of those, two up front, two in the back. And then imagine two smaller balloons in your cheeks, two long balloons in your mouth, and then one in your forehead. And now you are imagining what used to be human beings are now just robots, I think, essentially plastic robots.

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Darcy and Stacy, twin girls who were your first introduced to, on a short-lived reality show called, like, Twinsies or something like that back in the 90s.

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Yeah, the guy from Norway. That's right. Yeah, it could have been the first season of Before the 90 Days or 90 Day Fiancé the other way or whatever it is. But she got introduced to us like 10 years ago, a decade she's been in the consciousness. But she did do a shortly lived reality show before that.

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But I don't think it was on TLC. I think it was like UPN or something. But it only had like three episodes. And it was following these two twins who were married, both of them, who both of them had children. They had both been divorced and moved back home with their father. And it was supposed to be following these two girls who had champagne tastes and caviar dreams on Walmart budgets, whatever.

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And they end up being gone for 23 Earth years, and they're gone for like an hour and a half, or whatever it is, right? But... That's what radio feels like. Every 1.25 seconds is like a day on earth. And so I think by that count, Chrissy and I were there for 23 years. Yes. So we are at the radio station, and Yingling has traditionally been a northeastern beer for whatever the rules of the road.

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Right. And over the years, over the 90 Day Fiancé programs, they have embedded themselves into this lexicon, into this very popular 90 Day Fiancé format.

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The phases of Darcy and Stacey?

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Yeah, she had a nip-tuck here and there.

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Yeah, big boobs, obviously.

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No, today it is just, they are, and I just saw an Instagram reel about Darcy, and she was going to get her monthly Botox. Mm-hmm. She had a subscription service to Botox at this place, and she was doing a promotion for them, obviously, and she was getting this Botox. You couldn't put more Botox in these girls. No. And now they've got those weird jaw lines because they've had that jaw work done.

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Yeah, they look like square jaws. It's really disturbing. In my opinion, it's plastic surgery. They're starting to look like that cat lady.

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And their eyes are almost closed because they have so many fillers that are drooping down. It's weird. They're both, they seem like nice enough human beings, but they're just plastic fantastic. And they're ridiculous human beings, by the way, too. So the other day I'm trolling on their Instagram to get an update on all the plastic surgery.

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And I find a song that Darcy has written for, I think, a brother that they had had that passed away some years ago. And I don't want to make fun of the brother passing away. That's not.

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God bless. That's a very difficult thing to go through. But I'm not sure this is the correct way to honor him, singing this song that is insane to me. Are you ready for this? I'm ready. All right. Let's see if we can make it work. Hold on.

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Here comes the breakdown.

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I mean, not a terrible intro. Like, as songs go, it's not the worst. But now we're getting into, like, every song I've ever heard before, ever.

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I think we could have used some autotune here.

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I don't even know if that note really exists in real life. I think that was something she made up.

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You can't distribute here, distribute there. But then for some reason, all of a sudden, Yingling comes in.

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Who did this for these girls and said, yeah, that's a hit?

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I know. You know what I know is bad is it's got more shares than it does likes.

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You did. And lucky you. Because St. Patrick's Day was about, they came here on January 1st, and St. Patrick's Day is just a couple short months ahead, and they're going to blow it out.

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Oh, God. That's it. Okay. That's all I can handle.

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Oh, it sounds like all the amount. It's singular. It's the music singularity. It's all happening right there in that song.

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And the weird whispering in the background. I know.

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I can smell you on my shirt.

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Girls, come back to humanity. Come back down to Earth, ladies. Please. It's enough. Listen, I get it. You always lived in a weird world. Wherever you came from, you always lived in a weird world. You're twins. You're trying to be plastic fantastic and beautiful all the time and all that stuff. I get that. But you have drifted so far from normalcy that it's hard to relate anymore.

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Like you're just strange at this point. And God bless you. That's the way you want to live your life. Listen, you're not hurting anybody. I guess that's fine. But it just feels to me like I had, you know, when I first saw Darcy in that first season, I really felt like that guy screwed her over. He was a real jerk. Right. He was a real jerk and he screwed her over.

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And although I always felt Darcy was a little strange, I also felt like Darcy deserved better than that guy.

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Could you imagine if those two are still together? No. No, he ran off with another 90 day fiance chick. Did he? Yeah, he got, yeah, he got the better, some... One of the super hot South American girls. That's right.

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At a local bar, not a local bar, a bar up north in, you know, one of the suburbs of Atlanta. But they're going to get a tent and bands, and they're going to have the St. Patrick's Day party that they've ever had. And man was it, because Chrissy and I... We scouted the location, and there was like a Hampton Inn in the parking lot.

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And she wanted to dress half naked and he got all upset about it. And it's like, you knew what you were getting yourself into, bro.

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Yeah. Don't try and pretend like you don't know. We all know. We all know you. The Greenland dog only comes from Greenland.

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I don't even know where I am in that show. It's on in the background. It's fine. But I can't take it anymore. I really can't. They're all so thirsty.

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Yeah. Well, when you're on your 12th season of 90 Day Fiancé and now you're just putting all of your marriage woes out there for everyone to see, half those couples aren't together. I know. Weren't even together when they showed up on the show. They're certainly not going to be together after a month and a half of drinking in a fucking jacuzzi. Drinking in front of cameras in a jacuzzi.

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Yeah. Has never fixed any marriage ever. And it's not going to fix these. It's terrible. It's a terrible television show. I hope they put that one out to pasture.

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But honestly, the new 90 Day Fiance that just came out is not much better.

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Yeah, I think it's jumped the shark at this point. I'm over it. There's too much good television to watch.

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Like the Seven Little Johnstons. That's the thing.

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It was so good for so long. We had an embarrassment of riches, but now it's just, it's dated at this point. Yeah. And we all know that no one comes in on, no one can get immigration papers anymore anyway.

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It's going to end. It's too close to the bone at this point.

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YuengLings, Stormy Springs and Ding-A-Lings!

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If Donald Trump hasn't put a stop to 90 Day Fiance, the television show yet, he's coming after it. Trust me. Oh, yeah. He's going to find out that's a way he's going to get, you know, score points. All right. TCB podcast dot com. That's where you go to find out more information about the show. All the audio, all the video right there from one location. You can also get your free TCB sticker.

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YuengLings, Stormy Springs and Ding-A-Lings!

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Give us your physical address on the contact us page and we'll send you a sticker. Just tell us you want one. No problem. We'll do it. At The Commercial Break on Instagram, please do follow us. We try and post clips of the show and other stuff there. I'm going to post pictures from our night with Ari Shafir up there. So follow us, please, at The Commercial Break.

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YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break. For all the episodes on video the same day they air here on audio and 212-433-3822. 212-433-3TCB. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, or leave a voicemail. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

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I'll tell you that I love you.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye. Bye.

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Like the bar is sitting in a strip mall parking lot, and in the back of the strip mall parking lot, there's a brand new Hampton Inn. And we decided to rent a hotel room there so that we know.

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It's going to be shots and beer all night long. We're not driving back to wherever the fuck we have to go. We're just going to walk over to the hotel room. Two beds. Just be clear about that. Two beds. Like Ross and Rachel... Chrissy and I never hooked up until season seven. But we're only on season six. So, you know, we're not there yet. We're not at the Villages yet.

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Yeah, we're not at the Villages yet. So we get this hotel room. We drop our bags. We park in the middle of the parking lot. So our car is halfway in between. And we go to this party, which is a – it's cold, but there's a tent with heaters.

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Yeah, band playing. I happen to know the guy who's playing. Anyway, it's a whole fucking shit show over there. And we get right to it. We get right to work, as you do when you're in radio promotions. You drink and act like a fool. Yeah.

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You got to make sure that everyone is having a good time. You got to make sure that when you leave, they know that 94.9 The Bull, they party hard there. They believe in the products they're selling. They drank a keg of yingling on their own. There was just two of them. Well, there was three or four of us.

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But halfway through the night, it's probably midnight, 1230, and I can see the look in my best friend's eye. I know that look. When one eye is drifting off to the side.

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Yes. Chrissy got the look, and the guys were swirling around, and I was like...

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Time to go to the hotel, Chrissy.

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Yes. And I came back with another person who worked at the radio station. And that's all the story I can tell. But just know it was an interesting night for everyone involved. So much more interesting I wish I could share. But I love my friend and I'm not going to take it any further than that. So there you go. We have had a few St. Patrick's Days together. And that was a Monday night also.

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So there you go. I don't think we showed up to work on Tuesday. But I think everybody knew that anyway. It wasn't like they were expecting us to show up. We had work obligations the night before. Yes. I just remember waking up in that Hampton Inn, and our other friend had already left, and I was like, oh. Uh-oh.

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Yeah, I think we went to breakfast or something.

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Yeah, at like the Flying Biscuit or some shit.

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Well, that's the kind of breakfast you have when you're out drinking. You to 1230, me to 330 watching movies all night long. Anyway, that was a fun one. So I hope you survived your St. Patrick's day. If you got any shenanigans you'd like us to know about, go ahead and text them or call them in. But I thought it was important to start the morning off or start the week off, uh, sharing two things.

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Number one, Aaron Weber, great guy, funny comedian. And, uh, he is our TCB infomercial this week. So if you didn't listen, go take a listen to Tuesday's episode with Aaron Weber of the Nate Borgazzi clan up there in Nashville, Tennessee. He's on Nate Lynn podcast. He's on the never ending tour. Uh, he's got a 30 minute special out. That's easy to digest. Really funny, fun for the whole family.

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It's relatively clean comedy. You can watch it. Um, You know, with small children who aren't going to understand, like, the nuances of the comedy, as the kids get older, they may catch on to some of the things. I wouldn't call it clean comedy. I think that's the wrong way to say it. He doesn't use traditional cuss words. That's probably the best way to put it. But he's really funny.

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He's a great guy to talk to, Aaron Weber. And then all the links in the show notes if you want to go. From Aaron Webber, clean comedy guy, to Ari Shaffir, not clean comedy guy. Let me tell you something. Ari came on the show a couple of weeks ago, and we had so much fun with Ari, and we laughed so hard. He is such a naturally gifted comedian. He's one of these guys.

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But you're not going to fully understand the extent to which Ari can make you laugh until you see him on a stage doing his thing. I think even the special does not do him justice. Because two things. We saw Ari on Saturday night. He was nice enough to leave some tickets for us. So we went and we saw it. So number one, great tickets. Thanks, Ari. Really appreciate it.

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Number two, I didn't expect Ari to be as physical in his comedy as he was. Like I watched the special and I know he walks around the stage and he uses his body in certain ways.

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But he uses his body to great effect. And the microphone as a prop and whatever he's got at his disposal as a prop, he used it to great effect. He is a fantastic storyteller. He really is. And he went on forever, by the way. I expected a 45-minute, 60-minute set.

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Oh, I was an hour and 38 minutes or something. It went on for a long time. And I could have done another half an hour. I really could have. He was so fucking funny. If you get a chance to see Ari anywhere near you, you will not be disappointed in the show he's putting on right now.

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Yeah, I wish I could remember their names. I'm sure I could go look them up. He had a host that did 10 Minutes that was pretty funny. He had another guy come out that was in The English Teacher. Is that right? The English Teacher? Let me look that guy up real quick because I want to give him a shout out.

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The English Teacher. He did this whole bit about... I mean, you know, it's not for the faint of heart. He did a whole... This comedian did a whole bit about...

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about abortion and i just could not stop fucking laughing is it it's not norbert leo boots is it was that him i don't think that was his name but no that was definitely not him i'm sorry okay i'll find out and i'll put a link in the show notes i don't want to waste and there was another girl too that came out and she was on netflix yeah and i really liked her too Yeah.

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So, yeah, listen, I liked them all. I thought they all were good in their own way. I will say this. The other two comics that came out, the first two comics, the host and this guy from The English Teacher, they were so high energy, as was Ari. And then the girl in between was a different energy altogether. And so, yeah, okay. But she was funny. I mean, she was funny. But then Ari came out.

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And there was no muss, no fuss, no break in between. When the host came out, it was 45 minutes later. Ari came out. There was absolutely no space in between. And when he came out, he murdered the city from the moment he got out there. He was so fucking funny. He told a story about Bert Kreischer that I didn't know. I'm not going to spoil it because if you go see it, I want you to.

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And obviously, they're his jokes. He's so much better. It's his story. But he told a story about Bert Kreischer that I never knew. And it was. uproariously hilarious. Meanwhile, there are terrible thunderstorms and tornadoes bearing down on the city of Atlanta. I mean, I think those tornadoes killed like 38 people on their way over to Atlanta. And that's terrible. I'm not making light of that.

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So it's 120 years old. Am I mistaken when I say that the tabernacle was somewhere where MLK Jr. preached at one point?

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And it's still got the organ, the pipe organ sitting in the back of it, refurbished, obviously. And now it's a theater. And it's been this way since about 1996. They've had this as a theater. It's an institution and it's a beautiful place to see anything. I saw Raphael and I were talking. Raphael came with us. Raphael and I were talking. I saw Stone Temple Pilots at the Tabernacle in 1997, maybe.

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So not in the heyday, heyday, but pretty close to the heyday. Yeah. I have never seen a real-life rock and roll star so rock and roll.

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Scott Wheldon came out so high and so charged up and so ready to go. We are both convinced that we saw him smoking. crack during the show. That probably was true. At that point, I think it was known that he had an addiction problem. There was something going on there that no one could quite figure out. It wasn't a cigarette. Couldn't quite figure it out.

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But this guy put on a show like I have never seen before in my entire life. He was like... The whole crowd was bouncing up and down with him, and he was so in control of that crowd, of the music. It was loud. It was fast. He was so good at what he did. I mean, I miss that guy. That guy, you know, you can't live like that forever, but he was so good at what he did.

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STP was, and they weren't even my favorite band, but when I left there, the Tabernacle, they weren't my favorite band, but I had a newfound respect for STP because I always felt like STP was like a ripoff of Pearl Jam. Mm-hmm. Not always felt like that, but when they first came out, I was like, oh, this guy's just trying to mimic Eddie Vedder. There's only so much Eddie Vedder that can go around.

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Yeah. The Margaritaville, the Gulf of Margaritaville. That's what I think we should call it next. The Gulf of Micropenis. How's that? Probably a more apt term for this right now. It really surprises me that Google has done this. And it makes me sad. Apple has not. Not yet anyway.

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Now The Good Neighbors Know!

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So Apple Maps for now, even though they'll make me drive through, you know, a large river to get to the other side of the street. Apple Maps, not so great.

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If you're going to be a map maker, make sure you get that part right. You got to be up to date on it. So even though Google has certainly built a reputation for having a great map system, I'm a little bit disappointed that they changed it to the Gulf of Mexico. Not, I mean, the Gulf of America. Not that I... you know, whatever about Donald Trump.

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It's just that can we just that easily change something that has been around for so many years? And why are we changing it to the Gulf? What is the difference? What happens? What happens? Like all of a sudden it's America's? I don't know. It's open ocean. It's everybody's, I suppose, or that's what it's supposed to be, right? Am I right? I mean, back me up here.

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I'm looking for a little zip, Chrissy.

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I want you to get fired up about this.

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Yeah, but golf. Yeah.

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Now The Good Neighbors Know!

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Be funny. Yeah. Okay. Ready, set, funny. I mean, all right. But there's some things that penetrate the inside of this space. And Gulf of America is one of them. All right. Let's take a break. We'll be back.

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Do you know who that is? No. You don't know who that is? A young and up-and-coming senator named Barack Obama. decided he was going to run for president. He was the senator of Illinois.

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Do you remember Army Hammer?

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Do you remember that Army Hammer, the whole situation with the cannibalism? Of course, yeah. Potential sexual assault and the rope tying. What do they call that Japanese rope tying? You got it, Tina?

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Now The Good Neighbors Know!

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Well, shibari is the rope tying. Isn't hentai the... The whole style of... Yeah, that includes... Oh, it does?

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To tying as hentai?

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Oh, I did not know that. You learn something new every day. That Shabari, he was doing that Shabari shit. By the way, I see a lot of like Shabari reels out there. Yeah. People getting tied up, like, you know, consensually tied up.

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There's two women specifically that I see doing a lot of reels. And they're like, okay, what are we going to do today? And it's like, oh, a light noose. We're going to do a light noose. And I'm like, that's fucking scary.

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It doesn't sound light. You don't say light noose. That's not light. It's like saying, I'm going to have a light creme brulee for dinner. You can't do that. It doesn't work like that. To me, I would be nervous about that kind of tying up, but there are consensual adults who know how to do this.

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Yeah, it's a whole thing. It's very complicated, and it's almost an art form in and of itself. And while it doesn't look comfortable to me, it doesn't squeeze my balls, that doesn't mean that it's totally out of bounds. But Armie Hammer... was really shunned by the whole Hollywood community.

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Armie Hammer, of course, the guy who starred in The Social Network, and The Social Network, and he was also in The Social Network. He was, didn't he play the Winklevoss twins? I think that's who he played, is the Winklevoss twins. And, uh...

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He got shunned by the whole Hollywood community because there was a lot of talk that he was into cannibalism, that he had brought some girls to a random motel in the desert and mistreated them, potentially sexually assaulted them. I don't know that that was ever brought to a conclusion. He's not in jail. I'll tell you that much right now.

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And then somebody he like went down to his family's estate in the Caribbean. Yes. And then people were finding him. Being a real estate agent, like trying to sell timeshares down in the Caribbean. Am I right about that story?

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Yes. And the governor, Rob Bogoyevich, was being the governor of Illinois. And now listen, the city of Chicago and Illinois has a long history of corruption, scams, misdeeds, misangles. By the way, that's nothing new in government. It's always been happening. But Rob was one of the clearly more scammy governors that the state of Illinois had ever had. And that's saying something.

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What was the reality show?

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Part of it. Okay. All right. So the guy was down there, he was selling, and he was really on the outs with everybody. But everything old is new again, and everybody gets a second shot because people love a comeback story. And Armie Hammer has had a podcast out there probably for, I'm going to guess, almost a year now. Mm-hmm. And it's all about army hammer. It's all about army hammer.

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It's army hammer on army hammer. It's a very, uh, meta podcast. And what army does is he invites people to come in and tell him how they feel about him, including his mother, his father, his friends. Um, He's had some celebrities on there. They get Jillian Barbary and I can't remember who else, but he's had some people out there who have come and they've really read him the riot act.

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And I don't know if this is one big jerk off army hammer on army hammer. You know, it's feels, feels very jerky offy, like, you know, kind of just feeding your ego even more. But there are certainly interesting moments that I've seen, at least on reels. I haven't listened to the podcast, but I've seen it on reels. And he's, he's, I guess laying it all out there.

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He's kind of trying to tell people exactly.

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His side of the story. What went wrong? Why he's got some mental deficiencies? What he's into? You know, some self-reflection, I guess. It seems to me that Armie might be a narcissist, right? And that this is just yet another narcissistic attempt to feed his ego. But I don't know that. I'm just assessing it from a way far away. I'm not getting anywhere near Armie Hammer.

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But the interesting thing is that a couple of days ago, Armie Hammer was interviewed by somebody for a podcast. And the question was, what directors would you work with? And Armie said, I'd work with Woody Allen. If I sat down and decided that he was of good character, I'd do a movie with him. Fucking Woody Allen.

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And I was like, oh, okay. There's the kettle calling the pot. I mean, what an interesting combo. That's a movie I might watch. Woody Allen does Armie Hammer. I mean, I don't know. I don't know that Armie Hammer isn't like the Woody Allen. You know, say what you will about Woody Allen. He has made some movies with some of the most incredible actors of any time since he's been directing movies.

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He's got a complicated personal history, like a lot of artists do. We've been talking about this a lot on the show lately because it's an interesting question. Do you separate the art from the artist? And I think in some cases, yes. And I think in other cases, it might be hard to do that because your personal feelings kind of get in the way of the art.

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Woody Allen is one of those people that for a long time, I just have some complicated feelings about Woody Allen.

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screwing his adopted daughter and marrying her like that to me feels way out of line way out of bounds and if you did you ever watch that movie about woody allen the documentary uh about that that mia farrow did with her son ronan i think yes is it ronan farrow yes um yeah that was a yeah that was disturbing it was disturbing and there didn't seem to be a lot of uh

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redemption going on or apologies or self-reflection on on part of woody he seemed to be pretty resolute that nothing he did nothing wrong and that to me feels almost borderline weird it does feel yeah so now put army hammer and woody i know that i don't know about army hammer either there's there's been no conclusion there either and he doesn't seem all that apologetic about anything either however if you take those two dumb shits and you put them together in a room to make a movie i'm

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That might be interesting to watch. I'm just saying. It might be interesting to watch. It might be. It's like slowing down to look at a car crash. It's possible someone's hurt in there. But at the end of the day, you're going to rubberneck. Everybody does. You're going to rubberneck. Why do we do that? Why do we look? Why is it that these kind of things become attractive to us?

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You just want to know whether – you just want to know whether or not someone's disembodied.

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Yeah. And what do you think about – we spent a couple of these. Yeah. Louis C.K., back on the road, doing comedy. They've got a new documentary out about him. They do? Yes, they do.

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It's like, it takes a long time. Hey, we're starting the show over. We're going to do it again. I like a little drum. Yeah, we're going to do it again.

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I think it's on Hulu, if I'm not mistaken. I don't know if it's out or it's coming out. I saw a trailer for it where one of the girls was saying, yeah, it was pretty well known. You'd go to a party. Louis C.K. was there. You know, some people in the corner doing coke. A couple people over here smoking weed. You know, a couple of the people having one too many cocktails.

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And then Louis would be in the corner whacking off. And it's like... really yeah I don't get it I don't get it at all that's a weird predilection if there's one thing that I'd rather no one ever see including my wife it's me whacking off do you know what I'm saying If there's one thing that's uglier than Brian's sex face, it's Brian's sex face in the mirror, okay?

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I just don't—no one needs to see that. And why you would think that that's like—why that turns you on, I have no idea. Who wants to see you wet? No one. It's not a thing. It's not a thing. But Louis C.K. back on the road, you know, a lot of these people who were canceled are getting a second shot at— at reclaiming some of that magic that put them there in the first place.

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Now, I don't know that Louis C.K. will ever be the draw he was before. I just think there's too many people who think that what he did was kind of creepy, and there's no amount of apologies that's going to wash that away from their brain. But there's also a lot of people who just don't get, you know, it's like, whatever. He did what he did, and he apologized, and I guess we all move on.

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How do you feel about that?

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uh rob went to jail because after barack obama you know had to give up the seat to be the president of the united states yes there was an open seat and the governor got to pick who was going to be the senator and so rob decided that he was going to essentially um

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He was never my favorite comedian. Yeah. But I mean, how do you feel about some of these people coming back into the lexicon, like coming back into the fold? Does that bother you? Do you think if someone is canceled for reasons that that are enough to cancel them, they should stay away?

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Yeah, they can make the apology to her. Yeah, I agree with you. I think that, you know, there's some things you can't come back from marrying your daughter. There's some things you can't come back from.

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Right. And then there's other things that while disgusting and weird are forgivable at some point, whacking off in front of people, probably not my first choice of a party trick, but I totally understand, but I totally understand that everyone's into their own thing. Right. And, uh,

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Do you get consent? Do you walk around to the other people at the party? Do you mind if I jizz in the plant?

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You think it was spontaneous jizzing?

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You think he just got off stage and in the green room, he's like, hey, just give me a second. I'll be over here pulling my puns.

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That's so weird. So weird. And what is he thinking about? And what is going? Is there lubrication involved? Is he just spitting on his hand? Like all the minutiae behind that really got me thinking one night. It was like a couple of years ago when this whole thing came out. I was like, what is he doing? Like. What is the whole process here? He goes in the corner. He drops Trout.

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He just spit on his hand and start whacking off. And what does he think? Is he looking at people? Are you looking at somebody? Because if you're looking at somebody, then it takes it up to another level of disgusting. But if you're just like hiding in the corner.

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Wasn't it someone famous, too, that he did that in front of Amy? Was it Amy Schumer? I don't want to misspeak here.

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Because Brian gets it wrong all the time. I don't want Amy to be shamed into Louis C.K. 's masturbation shenanigans if that was not it.

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Yeah, that's true. I think she – I'm mistaken. Yeah, it's just like a – that's a weird – so anyway, so Louis C.K., okay, right? Go make your apology to her, and if people find you funny, well, I guess it's not the worst thing in the world, whacking off in front of people, unless, of course, you're staring at them strangely. But then there's other stuff that you just can't come back from.

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We're separating – And those are situations where I think it's okay to separate the art from the artists. Like, okay, Louis C.K. clearly has some weird glitch in his head where he thinks whacking off in front of people is something that's interesting or makes him horny. But then there's people like, let's take, who's the director? Harvey Weinstein. Harvey Weinstein, you can't separate.

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Yeah, that guy was like the worst of the worst of the worst.

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But man, did his production company, Miramax Films, make some really, really great films. And I'm not going to stop watching the films because Harvey Weinstein. I don't think we're putting dollars in. Are we putting dollars in Weinstein's pocket when we're watching those films? I don't know. Maybe his brother. But I'm telling you.

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Ask many, multiple people, lots of different corporations and people and newspapers to give him money in the hopes that they could obtain the seat or something related to the seat. And he also wanted to be in the cabinet. And he also he was like and he got caught on tape saying all of this. He was asking for bribes for that Senate seat and other things related to that Senate seat.

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But that guy can rot in jail for all I care. He doesn't need to come back and produce any more movies on my behalf, no matter how many apologies he has. It doesn't seem like the guy's got much longer to go anyway. Rob Schneider is another example. You remember that Rob Schneider?

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Copy guy. Rob Schneider. went total, like, crazy conspiracy theorist extremist on the right side. Okay, whatever. Whatever your political beliefs are. But he has gotten, he has left or gotten kicked out of multiple venues For like yelling and screaming crazy shit. I'm talking like shit. I don't even want to repeat here on the show. Crazy, crazy shit.

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And people walk out of his appearances, even people who are inclined to. feel the same way about his political beliefs, walk out of the show. It's too much for them. It's way too much for them. So he walks out. But Rob Schneider, but he keeps on getting gigs. People keep on setting him up with more gigs. Now, listen, that in and of itself, you know, whatever.

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I guess you just have to be into that kind of comedy if you're into that kind of comedy. But he's been canceled by both the right and the left. The guy

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You know who's still in the doghouse? Kramer. Kramer's still in the doghouse. Oh, Kramer. Yeah. He did an apology to her there for a while there. That didn't seem to soothe anything over.

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But he went haywire one night, too. He really did. This all leads me to say, Kanye, yay. Yay. Are you reading about yay?

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He sold T-shirts the night of the Super Bowl with swastikas on it and then tweeted, I'm a Nazi. Take that, bitches. Oh, OK. All right. So regardless of how you regardless of how I have ever felt about Ye's music, there is zero opportunity for that guy to ever make an apology to her. In my mind, of course, it's game over.

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canceled by brian for do what you want to do listen to what you want to listen to think of what you want to think too but i say done with yay i mean swastika is too far it's just too far you've gone too far you're selling t-shirts with swastikas on them what in the good fuck are you thinking yay simmer down and you even told me and i went back and looked at it

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that his wife is like on an apology to her behind him.

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Okay, so she made an apology. And now Bianca, what's her last name? Sensori. Sensori. Let's read about this. For just one second. Kanye West's children with Bianca Sensori argued on Grammy night. Sensori rep denies cry for help after husband's Kanye hate-filled tirade. Yeah, okay. So... Yes, we have reached out to X to get the account unverified or banned.

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Apparently, a dummy account is running around saying things on behalf of Bianca. Yeah, there's no amount of apologies, Bianca, to soothe over your dumb, dumb boyfriend's... trolling bullshit. It's just over. I agree with you. Enough with Kanye. Let's just be done with Kanye.

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And he got caught red handed. on tape asking for multiple hundreds of thousands of dollars, jobs for him, jobs for his wife. He's not going to give that seat away for free, I think was the exact terminology that he used. That seat is gold and I'm not giving it away for free. He is now pardoned. He is now pardoned.

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Maybe we take a decade-long break from Kanye and check back on his mental health after he has, and this is no joke, after he gets some medication that can clearly set him straight. The interesting thing about Kanye is that I read that He obviously deals with mental health issues.

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And he said that he was once diagnosed with bipolar, but then another psychiatrist came in and said, no, you're not bipolar. There's a different thing going on with you. And you should take this different set of medications. To which Kanye said, I don't really want to take those medications because they stomp on my creativity. Which, okay, I get it. But when...

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Your creativity is the vehicle upon which you're delivering the message, and your unchecked mind is going haywire. You might need to find a balance there between medications and your creativity, because the things you are saying...

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are absolutely disgusting and if you're trolling us cool whatever then i'm just going to ignore it all together but if that's really where your brain is going then i think you definitely need to find some new medications that can help you straighten that out and mental health is no joke we've talked about it a lot on the show and i don't want to make fun of you know i don't want to make light of somebody's mental health issues but

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But when you're that far off the gravy train, someone's got to pull you back on the tracks. Something has to pull you back on the tracks. Therapy, medication, friends and family, a combination of. And I think that's probably part of the part of the problem, too, is that Kanye is so famous. He in his own mind, he probably can't trust anybody. And he's like he's just so in his own bubble.

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There's no one there to burst it. No one is going to burst it. Because everybody else around him is probably on the Kanye gravy train too. They put up with it because they're getting paid to put up with it. And they want to be around Kanye. And I'm sure there's some people that actually love Kanye and know that somewhere deep down, there's somebody in there that they like.

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We know this because we've dealt with people that have mental health issues.

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There are people, sometimes, the people that we love are not the people that we like, if you understand what I'm saying. The people that we love are somewhere in there, but the people we don't like happen to be here right now, right? And that's just a complicated part of mental health. But as far as Ye is concerned, and Brian is concerned, Ye, we're broken up. It's a done deal.

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No mas. And Bianca, I have some clothes for you to wear. That's all I gotta say. You can walk around like that here at the house. But when you go out of the house, I'm just going to kindly ask you to cover up your clitoris. It's a rule in the green household.

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Tell you more about our rules when we get back. Take a break.

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And it looks like he might, one of the things that he was essentially asking for in that whole bribing situation was, I'd like to have a cabinet position. And in that cabinet position,

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Hey, we are coming up on five, I mean, five, 700 episodes. Yes, we are.

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I did. Wow, that's amazing. I think that 700 episode is going to come out on your birthday.

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It is. Lucky number seven. Maybe this is the year we make some money. We'll see. We don't have a great string of luck here at the commercial break. We're going to keep trying. Hey, listen, at 700, what are we going to do now? There's no going back. At 700 hours, you're in. You're in for a penny. You're in for a pound. And I have to tell you that it's official. My secret is out.

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I'd even like to maybe think about being an ambassador sometime down the line because an ambassador is a cush job, especially if you get an ambassadorship to somewhere, you know, Eastern or Western Europe where there's not a lot of drama and you can just go there anytime you want and live a high on the hog and shake hands and kiss babies.

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My neighbors now know about the podcast. Some folks at Starbucks know about the podcast. I've asked them to keep it low-key. I've asked them to say... You verified that? I verified it. Well, they verified it. And... Red-faced, I turned around and walked out of the building without getting my cup of coffee. I said, well, it's been nice knowing you. Thanks very much.

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I was over at my neighbor's house, the good neighbors, the great neighbors over next year. I was over there. The good neighbors. The good neighbors. Yeah, the good neighbors. Oh, my God. You know what happened? What? The other day, I was – do you remember Carpet Trunk Squash Lady?

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kept on bringing produce that didn't look so hot over to the house and wanted me to eat it. And I was nervous about all of it. Sweet lady, a little bit off. That's the same lady who threw the air conditioner out of the window.

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Thinking that was going to solve the problem for the broken air conditioner wasn't going to get better once you threw it out the second story window. But okay, whatever. They're a little bit older and they're having it. So the other day I see the husband walking across the street over through the grass. And I think to myself, well, that's strange. He's never been over, right?

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He's never come over to say anything.

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He was walking into my grass toward the house. So, you know, I met him out halfway because he's a little bit older. It looked like he was struggling to walk. Yeah. I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to make life a little bit easier for him. So I put on shoes and I run out there and I say, hey, man, how you doing?

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And he goes, well, listen, my wife, she's falling and she's on the floor and I can't lift her up. I'm just too old and weak. And I said, oh, okay. Do you want me to call somebody? Do you want me to call somebody? He said, no, I don't think she wants to go nowhere. She just needs to get up. You think you could help me pick her up?

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And I'm like, oh, man, you're asking the wrong guy to pick somebody up. Look at me. What do I look like? But, you know, being the dutiful neighbor, I said, OK, head over and I'll be there. And let me change and I'll be over there in a second. And so I go over there and this poor lady is laying like almost face down in the floor and she.

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has some health issues you know i don't want to get into their personal business but she has some health issues and she had been at the hospital for like nine months hadn't seen her in a long time she'd been to hospital for like nine months a long time and so i had to lift so i pull her up off the floor it's kind of a sitting position yeah and i'm like going to like grab her arms and say okay let's let's get up really slowly when she explains i can't even use my legs you gotta pick me up and put me in this in this chair no no

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And I thought to myself, oh, shit, this is where it all goes wrong. I'm not strong.

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She wasn't, like, crying or wincing or anything like that. It took all of my might to get her up into a chair. All of my might to get her up into a chair. Like, dead weight is... Dead weight is dead weight. It's really hard to lift up. So anyway, so I put her on the chair and I said, hey, let me call the ambulance. Let's get somebody out here to take a look at you.

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There's really nothing to do unless there's some war drama that breaks out in the country. There's nothing to do. An ambassador is a cush job. Everyone wants one. And he wanted an ambassadorship. Well, now there's talk that Trump might make him the ambassador of Serbia. So it turns out all the bribing worked. It just took about 15 years.

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And she said, I'm not going back to that hospital. I'm not going back to that hospital. And I thought, well, you got to respect her wishes, I guess. So I said, here, here's my cell phone. Next time, just call me. Don't take the walk all the way over the street because I'm afraid that guy's not going to make it over. He's like shuffling with his feet.

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And those cars are going, you know, 80 miles per hour down that road. They don't give a shit. Look at that poor old guy. Anyway, so we're all standing out there, and the kids are running around and talking to the good neighbors. And one of the adults in the house comes out, and she says, hey, you have been a source of entertainment at our house. I just want you to know that.

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And I thought to myself, here we go. The cat's out of the bag. The good neighbors know, and now it's time to move. I almost put a for sale sign out in front of my house immediately after this conversation. I swear to God, I did. I was like, well, that's it. We're done. They're going to know about all my drug abuse, all my whacking off and all my sex. It's over.

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I might as well just have people living here at my house. Everyone can see what's going on. And she said, yeah, you know, I didn't know that you were doing a podcast. like a comedy podcast where you were interviewing people.

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Yeah, she was like, I thought you were in real estate. I thought you were in like the financing business. And I said, I was. That's why we call it the commercial break. I said, the actual, the first episode of the commercial break that you can no longer find was about commercial real estate. But I just decided I didn't want to talk about real estate 24 hours a day.

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And she said, oh, well, I listened to one of your episodes. And I had no, and I thank God this was the thing that she said, because there were like children standing there, like her children too. She was like, I had no idea that Keanu Reeves was not the first choice for the Matrix. And I'm remembering the episode where we talked about that. It's a rather benign episode.

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And I thought to myself, well, that's a good episode. That is a good episode. for you and I to recommend to people.

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Say, just listen to that episode. Just that one. Don't go anywhere else. Right. We should have a separate... And then I thought about this walking back over to the house figuring out how I move or quickly figure out how the commercial break cannot show up at their house. I said...

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To myself, we should have a separate RSS feed where it's the same name, the same picture, the same everything, but it's only got a couple of episodes. And those episodes are like you and I talking about therapy, you know? Like self-help, therapy, all good groceries. That's what we should talk about.

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No Kanye, no penises, no clitorises, just us having a very friendly conversation for 20 or 30 minutes. Then, when people we don't want to know about the podcast... Find out about the podcast. We can direct them to that dummy RSS feed where they'll be none the wiser.

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They'll be none the wiser. How would they ever know? There's no difference in the look. We'll even start with the same opening music. They'll be like, this is great. Brian's doing great things over there. Look at him. He's helping people.

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Oh, we got a lot of feedback about that one. A lot of feedback about that one. We actually got a pushback from a couple of people who noted that, you know, life coaches are like therapists. They are there to help you in tough times and help guide you. And it's not always easy. You know, someone trying to scam you out of money. I didn't say it was always about scamming you out of money.

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Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

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But if you want to have a life coach like a therapist, get a therapist, someone who's actually been licensed to do the work. I'm not saying all life coaches are bad in every circumstance. I'm saying that not everybody can be a life coach. When someone's 26 years old without having lived any life and they want to be a life coach, I just have a hard time swallowing that pill.

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When you haven't even left your mom and dad's house, but you're a Jay Shetty life coach, what exactly does that mean? What life have you lived that makes you qualified to do that? There are people on this earth that I would take life advice from. Is Chris Christopherson still alive? No. No. Well, when he was, I would have accepted him as a life coach. Chris Christopherson. Who else?

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Who's another wise figure? Oprah. Dennis Leary. Oprah would be a good life coach. Maybe even her friend Gail, because Gail seems like she's been there every step of the way. Has a best friend ever made out better in history than Gayle did? No. I'm just wondering. She's like now making $20 million a year as the morning co-host of This Morning on CBS or whatever it is.

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You're talking the ambassador? Is it called the... Yeah, but I don't think it's called the ambassador. It's called the diplomat. Yeah, the diplomat.

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Never in the history of ever. I'm sorry, Chrissy. That's just not going to happen to you.

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Chrissy's like, if I hitch my wagon to Brian, I'll be like Gayle. I'll be doing the morning shows while Brian's... Maybe we need to go on a road trip.

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Yeah, I think there was always like... Yeah, Oprah always would mention Stedman and Gail. They were constant conversation points. But I think you're right about this. There was like a coming out party for Gail on the Oprah Winfrey show back in the early 2000s where everybody decided, oh, this Gail lady she's talking about is pretty cool. Yeah, she's funny.

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Let's get her out there in front of everybody. And let's face it, Oprah owns her own production company. So Oprah knighted a bunch of people. She knighted Dr. Oz. Thanks, Oprah. She knighted Dr. Phil. Thanks, Oprah. I think she knighted Gail. Okay, we can accept that one. Who else did she knight? Wasn't there one other person that kind of became famous because of Oprah?

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I'm sure a number of people did. Went in the lexicon because of Oprah, but I'm thinking of her production company more specifically. Oh, Eckhart Tolle. He became a household name, I think, in part because of Oprah. Dr. Wayne Dyer was on the Oprah show a couple of times also. You know, these are people. Eckhart Tolle. I would take life coaching from Eckhart.

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I just have... I stopped watching it. I got into it. I was really into it. And then I felt very confined in it. Like, I felt like we kept running over the same old ground episode after episode.

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That's a person I would take life coaching from. Debbie. Who's in her junior year of college is not someone I would take life coaching advice from. I'm sorry. That's my point. My point is that everybody becomes a life coach without any life experience or any kind of you know, road rash, then what do they really know?

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I think good therapists, good life coaches, people in your life who give you good advice, the reason why they give you good advice is because they have seen a thing or two, and that gives them some wisdom. That's the definition of wisdom, right?

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What is the definition of wisdom? Am I just making that up now?

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Okay, thank you. You know what would be a good life coach?

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A therapist?

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Chrissy, do we have to have a conversation about your late night party?

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What time did you get in last night?

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Yes. Am I right about that?

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Why in IMAX? What was it all about?

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What was the movie about?

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Okay, so it's like a documentary covering that first couple of years of Led Zeppelin in IMAX so that you can see all of Robert Plant?

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So you can see his penis in 3D?

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Was it crowded?

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Where did you go? Which IMAX did you go to?

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The Atlantic Station IMAX. Very cool. So not crowded on a Monday night. So you and Jeff had the run of the roost.

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Oh, two other friends. That was a foursome. All right. And so it was well done. It was a good documentary.

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Everybody talks except for the dead one.

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Oh, wow.

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It's explosive. Apparently so. Very explosive.

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Yeah, Led Zeppelin has been weird about that stuff. I think Robert Plant and Jimmy Page both do not like to be fluffed up a lot, which I give them some credit. Jimmy Page and Robert Plant, life coaches. There you go. Those two. Those are life coaches I would take. And Vince Neil. That's another one I would take life coaching from.

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Yeah. In case you don't know, there have been a string of plane accidents. Now, one might say plane accidents happen all the time. They're just being covered more often because, of course, the terrible situation that happened when the helicopter, the Army helicopter and the plane crashed into each other, leaving 68 people dead. Yeah.

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And so there's a lot of focus on air traffic and aviation right now. But this really was a weird event out in Reno. Was it Phoenix?

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Is it literally explosive? Yeah.

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Arizona.

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In Arizona, where a private plane veered off the runway and smacked into another parked private plane. Very weird for this to happen. Maybe they lost control. I mean, obviously, they lost control. I don't know why they lost control. But one person dead, two people to the hospital to find out that this is one, one of the planes owned by Vince Neil.

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I'm asking you. You don't have to worry about it. Why are you – what? Who's going to – who cares? Is it like – is there another explosion like in season one? Do we have yet another explosion?

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That Motley Crue cash is good, apparently.

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People still paying a lot of money to go see old Vince in his beer belly, rolling around the stage, trying to remember the lyrics to his own fucking most famous song. They're the ones that call on the...

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Yeah, he's out of breath because he doesn't walk anywhere. He takes private planes. That guy is unbelievable. How do you have multiple private planes? You have to have a lot of money to have multiple. It's a Learjet, too. A Learjet, cool, a couple million bucks, easy. That doesn't include any of the costs associated with maintaining a plane. Vince was not in the plane.

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It was a company that he has a holding company for his jets. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Motley Crue cash must have been really, really good.

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Yeah, he actually did. Does Tommy Lee have a plane? I don't know. I don't know. But I will say this. I will say this. The Motley Crue reunion tour was one of the most successful reunion tours of all time. So didn't they go out? It was Motley Crue and was it Guns N' Roses?

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Yeah. Poison tour? Poison reunion tour? Yeah. Not as successful. Motley Crue, very successful. Smash Mouth, not getting back together. That guy died. I just wanted to give you a little information on what's coming up this summer, because festival season's right around the corner, and we all want to know who's going to be the big festival headliners this year.

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Well, it looks like some of our old favorites are on the lineup. Pearl Jam, Phish, Phish, and Pearl Jam. Who's playing at Mempho this year? Yeah.

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Oh, you can't give us the inside track? No. You can't give us a few details?

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I do like The Killers.

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No. Okay. All right. I was wondering if you were being literal about being explosive.

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Look at that. Boys from Atlanta going over to Memphis to play a game. Man, I'll tell you what. Those guys, they're also making bank.

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And all they do is play cover tunes. Yacht Rock cover tunes.

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Of course, I don't know if I could get up every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night and play sailing and still be sane. But I think Yacht Rock Review has structured themselves in a way where people just kind of turn in and out of the band. It's like a corporation. And different people fill the roles over time. I could be mistaken. I think a couple of them have been around since the beginning.

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But I think that's the way it is. But they really... Kevin reminded me the other day that him and I went and saw Pink Floyd... Dark Side of the Moon, done by Yacht Rock at the Variety Playhouse. Can't say it was my favorite version of Dark Side of the Moon, but it wasn't terrible either. They're very talented musicians. They did their thing.

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The Tavern.

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Yeah. I did a chili cook-off there once. I produced a chili cook-off, Jam Land Productions did. Jam Land Productions put together the first ever and the last ever.

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I will do my best to continue on with The Diplomat because I do love Keri Russell. She is incredible. Incredibly beautiful. Incredibly talented. Incredibly good at any acting job that I've ever seen her in. The Americans is one of the best television shows, I think, of the last 25 years. I think anybody who's watched it all the way through would agree. I need to go give that another watch.

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Any place we thought we could lose money, we'd be there in a heartbeat. You wanted to lose money, we were there with you. Don't worry, we'll put in some too. No problem. That chili cook-off went over like a Led Zeppelin. I'll tell you that much. It was the first annual and the last annual. Park Tavern Chili Cook-Off. And we had a lot of bands play. We spent a lot of money on it.

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And a lot of people came out and cooked chili. Unfortunately, not a lot of people showed up. Beautiful Saturday afternoon.

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No, I think we got like 300 people in there and we wanted like 3,000.

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It is. And it was great. And it was like 20 bucks to get in. And I think if I'm not mistaken, we had... cracker play oh like uh camper van beethoven or cracker um play because you know they're local they're in athens right yeah and so if i'm not mistaken i think that's who played There were maybe 100 people in front of the stage.

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Right. Beautiful place right there on Piedmont Park. Been around forever. Everybody knows it. Huge facility. Cold beer. Lovely staff. You know, you got the whole thing. And it was a nice spring afternoon, and it just didn't go well. Yeah, I got the golden touch.

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I got the golden touch. By gold, you mean dog shit.

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Turns to poop.

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Midas had the golden touch. Brian has the peep-peep-poop-poop touch. Peep-peep-poop-poop. So I decided to drink. That's what I did.

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I ended up throwing up in the corner of the park. But I did get laid that night. I do remember that much. So there you go.

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Well, long after I threw up, yeah. Well, when you throw up, that gives you more room for more beer, and then you just go back into it. You drink yourself sober, and then pretty soon you're, you know, you're Romeo. Hey, baby. You're a lover, yeah. Yeah.

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Nothing like chili cigarettes and Bud Light breath to get you all hot and bothered.

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Ah, the chili cook-off. Everything turned to shit, lost a bunch of money, never invited back, but I got laid. And that, my friends, is the moral of the story. You want a life coach? I got experience for you.

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And Tina. Lots of people come in with wisdom at times. But I don't think I want to be anybody's life. I think you have to have some success in life, too.

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I am my kid's life coach. Take my kid today. He's got like... I don't want to get into all the details, but he's going to go on. They have like a morning meeting of the entire school every day. And he's going to be, he's going to stand up there. He's going to hold the American flag while they say the Pledge of Allegiance. It's a big deal, right? To be the flag holder at such a young age.

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You know, it was like, you know. And so the teacher sends all the information out, and she says, yeah, parents, if you want to come, please feel free to come to watch your kid do the Pledge of Allegiance flag holder. Different days, different kids. And I was like, wow, put it in the calendar. Get up this morning. Everybody rushes to get dressed. And my kid is like, I don't want you to come.

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I think that would be rewatchable. You haven't watched The Americans all the way through? Not all the way through. Every episode is like a piece of candy.

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And I'm like, what? Oh. And he's like, I don't want you to come. Please don't come. He's like begging me not to come. He's embarrassed of me. And he's not even nine yet. He's embarrassed of me. He told me. I said, just tell me the truth. Are you embarrassed? And he said, yes, I don't want you to come.

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I respected his wishes because, but he's got another event where he's like playing music next week and he's not escaping my presence from that. I thought, okay, I'm going to let you go on the flag holding. But I said, 30 years from now, when you have a life coach and you're crying about how daddy never showed up to anything, you're going to want this moment. Yes. So remember that.

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Because 30 years from now, it's all going to be psychics and life coaches doing therapy. Mark my words. More people trust psychics than therapists. It's crazy.

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All right, tcppodcast.com. All the audio, all the video right there. You can also get your free sticker on the Contact Us page. Add The Commercial Break on Instagram, tcppodcast on TikTok, and youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak. Also, go check out Ari Shaffir's new special, America's Sweetheart, on Netflix. Available now. We love them. Chrissy, that's all I can do for now. I think so.

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That I love you. I'll say best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, we will say, we do say, we must say, goodbye. Goodbye.

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I'm too busy keeping up with Severance, bailing out loud. I think now I'm watching some BritBox series. I can't remember the name of it, but it's very good. Severance has got me all kind of twisted up.

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One of the neighbors comes out, one of the adults in the house comes out, and she says, hey, you have been a source of entertainment at our house. I just want you to know that. And I thought to myself, here we go. The cat's out of the bag. The good neighbors know, and now it's time to move. I almost put a for sale sign out in front of my house immediately after this conversation.

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I don't even know what to think about the latest episode.

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It feels... It was probably the best episode yet of Severance, in my opinion. And I'm not going to give anything away. And I think this would be known even from the trailer of that particular episode. Because we go outside of the Lumen Walls in a way that only Severance could do. And then we have another explosive episode in only the way that Severance could do.

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This is turning out to be one of the best television shows I have ever seen.

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And there are a lot of people I've seen online who are like, I don't believe the hype. Fuck you. The hype is real. It is. Severance is good. It is well written. There are so many double entendres and secret meanings and Easter eggs and things to be discovered. And that has caused an entire community of people to try and figure out what Severance is all about.

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I'm following them all on Instagram. If you're a good analyzer of severance, I am currently following you on my personal account because I have to digest all of the different theories.

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Some of them are very outlandish. There was one where... Helly, who's one of the characters in Severance. Helly R. Helly R. One of the characters in Severance. I know. Helly and Helly R. It's just Helly Egan, Helly R. You have to be careful about which one you say because then you start another conspiracy, right?

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But that Helly was wearing the exact same outfit that Pam was wearing in an episode of The Office. Wow. And somebody connected the dots and said there must be some meaning to this. Now, I think that's a little far-fetched. I don't think the writers of Severance are watching. I don't think we're getting Easter eggs in the office. It's just like two-way far-fetched.

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But that just goes to show how involved people are in this. Honestly. The reality is pretty fucking miserable right now. And so any chance to get away from reality, I think is a, you know, you got to do it. That's just it. And severance is way down the rabbit hole. You can completely, it's the only thing that I wish. And I know they're doing this for a reason and I get it. It didn't work.

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Binging didn't work. So now we're back to showing it once a week. I just wish I could binge this particular show. I can deal with it on other shows, but on this show, I just want more. 48 minutes is not enough.

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Well, she's got more willpower than I do.

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But, of course, I get addicted to anything. You know, I'm OCD. I get addicted to anything.

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Yeah. Speaking of escapism, I read an article that you sent me about how researchers have found, from the 17th century, they found a crypt. That crypt was attached to what was then known as one of the most advanced medical facilities, hospitals. Right. that was around, according to historians, in Italy, in Milan, Italy.

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And they were analyzing the brains of about 10,000, some of the material from about 10,000 different bodies that were found in this crypt near this quote-unquote hospital. And what they found was stunning to the researchers. They found cocaine in the brains of some of the people, two of the people specifically, that were inside of this crypt.

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I swear to God, I did. I was like, well, that's it. We're done. They're going to know about all my drug abuse, all my whacking off, and all my sex. It's over.

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making, kind of dating cocaine about 200 years earlier than they believed Europeans would have had access to cocoa leaves. And they are saying, this just like, this made me think about a whole bunch of different things. Escapism is part of the human experience in so many different ways.

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Whether we go out to a nice meal to forget about our woes for a couple of hours, or we're drowning our sorrows in some dibbity dabs. Tasty Tina. No matter what your form of escapism is, television, playing with your children, making love, music, whatever it is, escapism is necessary. It's necessary for our brain. Going to sleep is a form of escapism too.

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And it's just our body's needs, our brain's needs to just stop for a minute. Stop from all of the regular rigmarole that we go through. The commercial break is form of escapism. It's a bad one. I'd rather have a crack problem, quite frankly. There's a lot more. It feels much better to smoke crack than it does to. And I don't know that personally.

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I'm just saying I've known people who have told me that crack tastes good and it makes you feel very nice. So I say all of this to say that it's amazing how a few puritanical people can just kind of make a whole class of escapism feel really dirty and nasty. Now, I'm not saying addiction is good because people who are going through addiction are really having a hard time.

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I'm not advocating for addiction, but some escapism here and there.

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It seems necessary. And the fact that we all get shunned for a lot of different versions of escapism is just yet another kind of Puritan, conservative Christian type of downer that's been put all over us. And I want to break free from the chains, Chrissy. I want to break free from the chains. Do a little bit of cocaine. When you're watching your children, it makes you feel so much better.

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I got so much more energy with cocaine. Cocaine has been around for a long time. People have been chewing that leaves. My dad told me a story. My dad used to, he was a commodities trader. But when I say commodities trader, he wasn't like a commodities trader that would trade in paper. He was a commodities trader that would trade in actual commodities.

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Example, he would buy 100,000 head of cattle from Mexico and buy it, ship it, slaughter it, chop it up, package it, sell it somewhere else in the world, right? And then make money on the spread, essentially. So, and he did this very successfully for many, many years. Poultry, pork, beef, mainly.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Oatley. Best to you, Kristen.

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And so he would visit South American countries often to go make deals with farmers or cattlemen or herders, ranchers, whatever. And so he went down there one time and they were driving up a hill and they stopped for some reason up in the mountains of I can't remember where. I think it was Columbia, but I'm not really sure.

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So he's driving up the mountains in dirt roads and they stopped for a few minutes to do whatever. And they see these men who are carrying these huge bundles of whatever it is they are picking, whatever, you know, produce they are picking up the mountain and barefoot. And they're just going and they're just going and they're going and they're going.

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And so my dad noticed that they had huge wads of leaves in their mouth, chewing them. And of course, the next question is, what are they chewing? What is that? Is that tobacco or what is that? No, it was cocoa leaves. Mm-hmm. they were getting paid, some of them, in cocoa leaves. That's what they did. They would just chew on cocoa leaves all day, and they would just go, go, go.

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Little ants marching up and down and up and down. And that was the life that they lived. Day after day, night after night, they would go to work. They would get paid a little bit of money. And I'm not glorifying this. I'm just saying this is the way it was. They would chew these leaves, and they would march up the mountain doing the work that they needed to

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do relatively i guess happy because who's gonna complain when you're high in cocaine and you're just you know running around yeah i beg for a simple life like that if i could chew cocaine leaves while cocoa leaves while i was taking care of my children if that was not frowned upon by some people then i might go ahead and do that chrissy

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Coming to you live somewhere north of Atlanta. Somewhere near the Gulf of America. Right by Lake Micropenis. We're all here. We're all doing it. We're doing the thing. Thanks, Google. One day at a time. Another service. Another tech oligarchy folding, bending the knee. Yeah, unbelievable. Wow. Wow. And Rob Bogoyevich is going to get out of jail, too.

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It is part of the culture. At Publix, why can't I buy cocoa leaves right next to the bay leaves? Why can't we have that kind of situation set up? Because of puritanicals. That's why. Puritanicals. I don't even know what that means, but I like to say it. And they're keeping me down, Chrissy. They're pushing me down. And I'm sick of it. I'm taking a stand.

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I'm going to start buying cocoa leaves on Silk Road 2.

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What's that Silk Road 2 coming? I thought we were going to get part. And now, Silk Road. I mean, Silk Road is probably the single reason why Bitcoin even exists. in any way, shape, or form still to this day. If it wasn't for Silk Road, Bitcoin might have just been a flash in the pan, might have been an idea that never really took root. But that's Silk Road.

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People found out that this was an excellent way to pay where you could, quote, unquote, not get tracked. But that's not true. Everything is tracked. But you know what I'm saying? So that's Silk Road, too. If you could do us a favor and sell raw cocoa leaves... I could chew the cocoa leaves and lose my teeth, but at least I would be happy.

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At least it would be a good form of escapism from all the craziness we're seeing today, like the Gulf of America. That's crazy to me. That's crazy to me.

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gulf of america and google kowtowed and google bent the knee by the way who is the naming organization who does that like isn't there there's got to be like the national you know the international map makers of the world that rules mean nothing right now but are there any the question is like are there any rules or is that just like a it seems like there would be

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Is that like just a colloquial thing that we say, like it's the Gulf of Mexico? Because we've always said it's the Gulf of Mexico, but it was really never named the Gulf of Mexico. Do we even know that, how those rules work? Can we just literally say it's no longer called the Gulf of Mexico? Apparently. And then change it? Okay. So why don't we start a petition to name it something else? Right?

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This episode of The Commercial Break is sponsored by Ring. The holidays are almost here, and between traveling, hosting family, and finding the perfect gift, it's such an exciting, busy, and yes, sometimes stressful time. Ring helps you stay connected to the home for all the merry moments, even when you're on the go. With Ring, you've got the whole home covered.

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I saved a fucking squirrel, for God's sakes, a baby squirrel, which carries hepatitis or something like that. I went to great lengths to save that squirrel. I drove in the rain 20 miles in my air-conditioned car to get that squirrel to safety. Now, listen to me. The ASPCA does a great deal of good. And while they have those terrible commercials that everyone hates, there's a good reason why.

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They tug at your heartstrings so they can save animals and make sure that these animals, even when they're left abandoned by shitheads who do not understand the responsibility of having an animal. They try and make sure that they get to good homes and do the best they can to do that in a no-kill way. The ASPCA is today's charity.

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Now, some of you have written in and talked about this also, so we are going to give it a little love. If you would like to donate to the ASPCA and help cats, dogs, and other animals find loving homes, and stay out of the kill shelters. And I'm not saying they never get put down because that is just not a reality of life, but help them find a good home.

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Give them some cash so that they can do well and make sure that these animals get saved, especially after disasters. This is the one thing that really sucks is that if you're in a disaster and you're choosing... You want to keep your animal with you, but life circumstances, it's either you or your animal. There are tough choices that need to be made.

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The ASPCA can come in and help in those situations. They do do a lot of good. Please help us by donating to them. Link in the show notes. And if you donate to any of our causes, send a screenshot. We will send you some swag with love from Chrissy, Christina, Astrid, and I. We'll take a break and we'll be back.

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As the great Clark Griswold once said, Holy shit, where's the Tylenol? Find it quick and join us this entire holiday season for brand new episodes of The Commercial Break.

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Okay, and we're back. Okay. Tell me the worst Christmas gift you have ever received.

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Be honest. You got to let them know. I think a mirror. You got a mirror for Christmas?

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From a guy? Yes. Oh, no. Oh, no.

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And what did you interpret that mirror to mean? What was the symbolism? Like, take a look at yourself before you leave the house or something? Take a look in the mirror?

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That's your least favorite?

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Yeah, I wonder what's going through his head. Like a nice chair or a nice couch, a love seat. Everybody needs a good end table, right? Don't we all need a good end table? I do. I don't know. And then you pick the mirror. That is kind of a weird choice, but it's certainly a man choice. Like it's a choice from a guy who probably doesn't, you know, I don't know. It doesn't have much, anything else.

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Was he the kind of guy who would spend most of the afternoon on Sunday watching football?

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Okay, there you go. Just checking. Christina, worst gift you've ever received?

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That was the thing.

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Oh, she gets you like play band-aids.

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Well, then there you go. She got her comeuppance. Band-aids have become quite the commodity in this household.

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We have 10 boxes of different charactered Band-Aids. And if one kid gets a boo-boo, and I mean the smallest of boo-boos, one that does not even, I keep on explaining to them, Band-Aids are for blood. Band-Aids are for blood. If there's no blood, there's no need for a Band-Aid. That doesn't fix a bruise. It doesn't fix a bruised ego. It doesn't fix that you're

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brother kicked you in the ribs it doesn't fix that kind of stuff but it doesn't matter to their little minds because all they care about is having you know hello kitty or whatever it is on their on their body it doesn't last but five seconds because they always rip it off right away and then they play with it and eat it and stick it in their hair and all this shit how many hundreds of boxes of character related band-aids have we gone through in this house because when one kid gets a boo-boo all of them have a boo-boo they're all you know someone who comes to me there you're

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Ah, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the 12 Days of TCB. I'm Brian Grain.

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So, Christina, if you, you know, have extra Band-Aids, this is a good house for them. That's right.

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And so you were known for being the Band-Aid girl.

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Okay. All right. So your mom's getting back at you for years of... Just never forgot it. That's right. I would say the worst gift that I have gotten, and I think we may have had this question like back in season number one when we were doing like a fish, that fishbowl thing where we were pulling questions out of there.

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This is the Uncle Eddie to my Russ, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Here we are yet again in the studio helping you through the holiday season. I don't know how, but there's in some way, shape, or form, I'm sure we're helping you through the holiday season.

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I think the worst gift, I know the worst gift I have ever gotten was for my former brother-in-law, former brother-in-law. Who was one of my favorite humans on earth. His name was Charles. And he was a gay man. And he was a very fashionable gay man. French aristocrat, high society gay man. Always dressing nice. Always looking nice. Always smelling wonderful.

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And he gave me no shit like a subscription to Hair Club for Men. No.

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But I was like 26 years old.

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As well as some like peroxide shit that you put on your head. The minoxidil. Minoxidil. He got that for me as a gift. And he took, he had no idea how badly this hurt my feelings. No idea. He was like, what? You know, I know you want to look good. So I'm just, you know, I'm helping you. And I'm like, helping me what? Grow back my receding hairline? And he's like, well, it's no secret, Brian.

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Everybody can see.

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I was like, thanks, Charles. I appreciate it. Worst Christmas gift ever, for sure. And I think probably in a couple of days we'll get her on the phone. But my mom is certainly the – she's an equal opportunity destroyer of hopes and dreams around Christmas gifts because my mother has got to be the worst gift giver consistently. Really? On a consistent basis. Yes. Let me give you an example.

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I am 25, 26 years old. Remember, I have a twin brother. I'm 25, 26 years old. So that would have been sometime in the 2000s, right? Sometime in the 2000s, long after 1982 has gone. But my mom was still pandering under the delusion that I was like a four-year-old boy because when I opened up her gift, her big gift,

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To me was a full head to toe jean outfit, jean jacket, jean shirt, pair of jeans, you know, white socks, white crew socks. And she was like, you can pinch roll them like they were acid washing. She's like, you can pinch roll them. And I'm like, pinch roll them. Mom, no one pinch rolls anymore. What are you talking about? That jean jacket, Chrissy, was the ugliest thing.

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thing I had ever seen in my entire life. But what was made worse was when Kevin opened up his gift to realize that he got the exact same outfit.

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Yes. So Kevin and I had matching jean outfits. Sweet. Now, we humor... we use it a lot to defuse emotional situations in my family. And Kevin and I were running a little hot that my mom had decided to get us jeans. So we kept a lot, you know, we made a big joke out about it. You know, jean jackets, mom, don't get jean jackets. You don't get jean jackets. That's not what happens.

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The very next year, My mom decided to go to Kohl's and get Kevin and I flannel jackets, flannel jackets, like the kind you wear to chop wood. Do you know what I'm saying? Not the stylish kind, but the kind you use to chop wood. With thick corduroy pants. So now we look like true woodsmen. And it wasn't just me who got it. It was Kevin who got it. So year number two, my mom fails.

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Just let us think that we're helping. Yeah.

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Well, I mean, if people donate to our causes, then we're definitely helping. That's for sure. How else are we helping? I don't know. We're just putting more downloads into the universe for people to absorb. There you go. Thanks for joining us. Chrissy, do you know the origins of the 12 days?

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Year number three, I think we each got a carton of cigarettes with a brand new ashtray. Because your mom's helping you die. Well, you used that. I got a six-pack of Bud Light one year. I think that's what I got from my mom. And then eventually my mom wised up that she was trying to pick us fashion choices. Listen, when you're a mother, you'll always be a mother.

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When you're a father, you'll always be a father. You're always going to want to dress your babies. I'm sure that that's true. I'll know that when I'm 72 and my kids are nine. I'll realize that. But what my mom wised up to was, why don't I just give the boys gift certificates so that they can go and do their own thing?

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Great call, unless mom gets us gift certificates to like, you know, what was the store? Woolworth? Do you remember that store? Woolworth?

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Woolworth. They don't even exist anymore.

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Yes, there was like one in the greater Chicagoland area. And I don't know how she got these gifts. I think she asked my grandma to send them to us. Woolworth, where am I going to get? And then one time it was the Burlington Coat Factory. The Burlington Coat Factory, mom?

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Is that where all the kids are getting cool clothing?

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Is the Burlington Coat Factory? Yeah.

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Of course, my mom was always known to make like super special. Listen, Christmas was such a special time when we were very young children. Then our parents divorced like a lot of parents do divorce for a lot of different reasons. And when they divorced, my mom went to live in an apartment and my dad stayed in the house. And, you know, so my dad did his best to make the Christmases special.

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And my mom did her best to make the Christmases special. Yeah. But I think when they weren't together teaming up to make the Christmases special, it just something got lost. So my mom would like decorate her apartment. She had this fake tree that would bend at an angle, you know, and like tinsel and stuff like that. So it lost its luster just a little bit.

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And I'll tell you when I think it really kind of like it hit me that it's lost its luster was one year. I think this is the same year that we got the cigarettes in the ashtray. Yeah. we come in, it's Christmas Eve, and my mom has got the oven on, and it smells good in the house.

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That was different, yes, because my mom, it never smelled good when my mom was cooking, God bless her soul. But it smelled good, and so I was like, I wonder what we're having. It smells, doesn't smell like traditional Christmas food. And my mom said, it's

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By the way, we just figured out that the 12 days of TCV is actually 13 days of TCV, since we don't know how to count on a calendar. So you're getting an extra episode. We'll actually be doing 13 days.

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We all sit down for dinner, and my mom pulls out trays from the oven that had been warm, two of them separately. And she puts them on the table, and they have these tins with the cardboard top. And both the cardboard tops say Pizza Hut Pasta.

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My mom got Pizza Hut pasta bowls for Christmas, and I'm telling you what, it was all it was cracked up to be. It was fucking terrible. It was. Pizza Hut cooking pasta bowls. I mean, you would think, how hard is pasta to fuck up?

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If you're making the pizza, you can make the pasta?

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But I didn't see any pots of boiling water over at Pizza Hut when I went there. I mean, I don't think those were coming in the door fresh. It was terrible. And it was just like that. To me, it was a bit of a sad moment. Funny, but a bit of a sad moment.

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Because I was like, my mom's trying so hard to make Christmas is special and she just can't win for losing. I mean, it's like absolutely has destroyed any notion that Christmas is special by freaking.

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And I go, mom, and she goes and she goes, you don't like it. And I'm like, it's Pizza Hut for Christmas. And I go, I know, like, you know, OK, I appreciate the effort, mom. But how did you even think of this idea? And she's like, well, I can't. I called him and I asked him if they were open on Christmas Eve and they said yes. And I thought, great, let's do pasta from pizza. I saw a commercial.

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halfway through the 12 days of christmas we realize that it's 13 days of tcb do you know the origins of the song 12 days of christmas uh no i don't think that i do i don't think i do either let's learn together let's get learned the best known english version was printed in the mirth without mischief a children's book published in london in the 1780s

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Listen, they do make it look great on the commercials because that's what the people who make the commercials are paid to do. Exactly. They're not getting their pasta from Pizza Hut. They have professional chefs that do that shit. There is no pasta chef at Pizza Hut, I can guarantee.

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Their video doorbells alert you when gifts arrive, And you can even chat with the delivery people to let them know where to leave the packages. The indoor cam, it's a game changer. So easy to set up. You can use it to check in on your pets when you're away. And with two-way talk, you can even talk to them.

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But now Domino's does. I think it just makes its way around the pizza universe.

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That's right. I think there's a company who makes pasta bowls for pizza places and they win the big contract and realize that it's a loser and then they move on to the next big pizza brand. It's like, you know, one moment Pizza Hut has it, the next minute Domino's has it. Little Caesars is next. Little Caesars pizza bowls. That's why I can appreciate a Little Caesars.

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Listen, if I'm going to have pizza The holidays, which is not the worst idea in the world. No, it's really not. We've already determined that Brian is not a big fan of the traditional clucking and chucking dinner with ham and turkey that gives you salmonella. I'm okay doing a taco Christmas. I'm okay doing a pizza Christmas.

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One year we did our own pizzas and we cooked them in a pizza oven at my dad's house. That was fantastic. I'm OK with that. But let's not go to Pizza Hut for Christmas Eve. If I'm going to have a pizza on Christmas Eve, I'm going to have a pizza from one of the like the boutique pizza places around here.

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No, there was like, you know. Everybody in every city around the world has Antonio's Pizza, Tony Romo's Pizza, Bob's Pizza. You know those pizza places that have been in your neighborhood for years, but you don't know anybody who's ever gone there? But on Friday nights, there's a lot of cars out front? Everybody has one of those pizza places and has forever and ever.

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But it isn't until very recently, and I think Atlanta might have been one of the places that started this trend, to have these very... boutique pizza places that have, you know, wood-fired ovens I had flown in in a helicopter from Italy for $700,000. Yeah, from Sicily. That is not old. We just flew it in from Sicily.

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And those are the kind of places where if you're going to get pizza for Christmas Eve, let's do a pizza from that kind of place. Now, I do have to say... Pizza Hut, when I was a kid, was the better of all the options, in my opinion. That was my personal opinion. Like, I would rather do Pizza Hut than do the other guys.

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But in the worst part about that particular dinner, that particular feast, was not that my mom had decided to get... Pizza Hut. It's that there was no pizza from Pizza Hut that could have come along with it.

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But here's the good news. We got lots of cigarettes to smoke. So at the end of the day, beer to drink. So at the end of the day, it wasn't that drunk.

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Well, here's my belief generally in life. Most people are doing the best they can with the information they have at the time that is given to them. I just think that's true of most human beings. We're just doing the best we can with the information we have in the moment that we have it. And that's it. And there's no knock on my mom.

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My mom was a single mother and yes, a single mother of mainly adult children, but that's still a feat. Like you still have to, she held down a job. She, I mean, my mom is a rock star in a lot of ways. Look, she made me, and I'm doing 12 days of TCB, which actually is 13 days of TCB. Okay, maybe we weren't all that great at math, but I'm telling you what.

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Pizza Hut or no Pizza Hut, my mom was trying. And for that, I give her credit. And now with the grandkids, she just loves to get them toys. And with the grandkids, she's doing so much. I've noticed that my parents are doing so much better with the grandkids than they ever did with me. I guess that's how therapists stay in business, huh? Yeah.

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Oh, yes, for sure. All right, let's do this. We're going to take a break in just one second, but I wanted to remind you, the ASPCA, doing good for animals all around the United States and beyond. So do us a favor. There's a link in the show note. If you would, go donate to the ASPCA. And if you do and you want some schwag, you can go ahead and take a screenshot of your donation there.

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something about the northern castle of Newcastle and the tine and the partridge and the pear tree and all that other stuff. But here's the more important question. Can you name the 12 days of Christmas?

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And we will send you some swag, some TCB swag. And please understand, we do not get in the middle of this. We're just putting the link on the website. It goes directly to their website. We are incentivized in no way. We haven't even communicated. We haven't even communicated with these people.

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We just like these charities. And we hope you'll do some good over the holiday season. Okay, we'll take a break. We'll be back.

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Come on, I know you can do it.

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Oh, man, well, I love some pizza.

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I know, but we have pizza so much around this house because the kids, you know, they're kids. They love pizza. And so we have pizza at least once every 10 days. There's pizza of some brand or variety, whether that be frozen pizza or we go out for pizza. So I do want pizza, but then part of me is like, I already have a lot of pizza in my diet.

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I'm not sure my cardiologist is going to appreciate that. Here's the reason why I ask you about the worst Christmas gift ever, because they've put out the traditional annual list of worst gifts for 2024 to get.

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This is not from town and country. This is from Whale House.

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Okay, that's an easy one.

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Oh, Whale House. Good old Whale House.

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That was good. You saw that one right on the corner. You were like, I like that one. All right. Ready? Yes. I think this is the worst. Yeah, the 17 worst Christmas gifts as per whalehouse.ca. Here we go. Yeah. Don't ask me. I just found it. I thought it was interesting. I was reading through it. Okay. Number one, a coffee cup. I can agree with this wholeheartedly.

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Listen, I drink tea every night. I drink tea. It's easy on my throat, my belly. I like it. There's no caffeine. It calms me down because I need calming down a lot. And through the years, people have gotten me coffee. Coffee cups, tea cups, right? Of course. Throughout the years. It's wonderful. But now I have a hundred of them. I don't need another one. I honestly don't.

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Let's be real. Has anybody ever really said, I want a coffee cup for Christmas? I mean, unless it's a fancy one. Now, one of my family members this year for Christmas wants one of those fancy ones that heat themselves up. Oh, yeah. You put them on the little thing and they heat themselves up and stay hot for days.

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Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, get me one of those other ones. What are those? Those ones everyone's killing each other for that have a bunch of lead in them. Stanley's. Yeah. I guess we're over the Stanley's now. Are we over the Stanley's now that there's lead in them? Okay. Just checking. Number two. Walmart gift card. Mom. Walmart gift card.

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Actually, I don't think this is the worst gift ever.

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Those pants. I was wearing those yesterday. Those pants are the best fucking cozy house pants I've ever had.

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From Walmart. Not from Lululemon, which also makes a great, of course they do, they're $600 a piece, but also makes a great, you know, sweat pant, whatever you want to call it, lounge pant, whatever you want to call it.

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jogger jogger i'm telling you what those random ass pants i found in a walmart and bum shit south carolina were some of the best pants and i had to work for those because they didn't have many in my size i remember the story yes all right number three socks And this is something that was always in my stocking, always, always, always, was socks.

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Now, if you would have asked me 10 years ago, I would have said, please stop giving me fucking socks. If you ask me now, please give me more socks. I am in love with a cozy pair of socks.

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Ones that do not get holes in them. I'm wearing socks from a company called Clover, which is why they have the Clover on the bottom of them. Yeah, I like that. And they are incredible and they don't ruin. You know, I've bought them from like sock companies that are supposed to be reputable. And then three months later, they have holes in the bottom. And I don't wear socks like I'm not wearing.

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Yeah. Personal hygiene products comes in at number four. Yeah, I guess, you know, I don't need tampons this Christmas. Yeah. That's what you're saying.

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Okay, I think there's a difference between getting like bath bombs and, you know, scented stuff you can like... It's thought out like, you know, here, like one time I got Astrid, we had a, one of those standalone tubs and I got her a thing, like one of those, a tray and some bath bombs and some other stuff that went on there. And I said, Hey, you could go ahead and take your bath.

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Now, little did I know that Astrid hasn't taken a bath in her entire life. Like she doesn't take baths.

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Yeah, no, she doesn't. I think she took like three baths and we had that stand and that standalone tub was beautiful.

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Oh, but she was, she's just not a bath person. Some people aren't, but I thought I tried.

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But after six years of knowing her, I probably should have guessed having never seen her take a bath before.

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A picture frame comes in at number five. Now, yes, an empty picture frame. Yes, totally worthless. Don't get someone an empty picture frame. That's a highly subjective thing to put in someone's house, right?

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On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

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I can roll with that. I guess it's the context also. I'll tell you what we got my mom for Christmas last year. Kevin got it for her, and we've been adding to it. It's one of those digital frames.

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Where you hook it up to the internet. It's got an address, and then you send pictures to it. Yeah. So even though my mom is not mobile, so we can't get her out of the house a lot.

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When we have an event here at the house or we're over at the gym and there's a recital or whatever it is, we can take pictures and then we send it to her so we can say, hey, mom, look on your frame. We've got some new photos. I love it. So I think that was a good present. But an empty frame? Yeah, I don't want that. Ugly Christmas sweater. The very out... I think it's overdone.

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The ugly Christmas sweater thing is overdone. And I don't own ugly Christmas sweaters because anytime I have gotten them as a gift, I just don't wear them.

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Yeah, that's it. Or that same year. Yes. Or I re-gift them.

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Guilty of re-gifting or not re-gifting?

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On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.

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Yes. I agree. I've gotten like golf balls that then I re-gift to my brothers or something like that. Well, I guess I'm telling him now. Sorry, guys. I got the golf balls from someone else. I gave them to you. I've regifted a few things, but I do it with intention and love. It's like, oh, I know you would like this much better than I would.

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So I'm going to pretend as if I got this for you, even though someone else got it for me.

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Candles from the dollar store.

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Very specific. But anything from the dollars. Can we talk about the dollar store? You can't give a gift from anything from the dollar store. Can we talk about the neighborhood ruining dollar stores for a second? I mean, these places are absolutely terrible. And despite being a dollar, it saves you no money. They are simply, think about all the extra packaging.

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Think about all the extra things that have to be done to break stuff down into smaller sizes to charge you more money for less product. Think about this. You go to Walmart or Costco, you buy a giant jug of detergent, right? It costs you $25 or whatever. Then you go to the dollar store and it's like $1.99 for the tiniest little thing of detergent or a couple packets of detergent.

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Four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree. On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. What is it?

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It is so much more expensive. Per item, like per gallon, per fluid ounce, per M&M, whatever it is, to buy that stuff at the dollar store than it is at Walmart. Now, if you only have two bucks on you, I can understand. But they don't pay those people a living wage.

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You know what makes me feel good about society right now? They're closing dollar stores by the minute right now, like the Dollar Generals and the dollar stores, because they just are terrible. Stop the dollar stores. Don't get me anything from the dollar store. Don't want. Thank you anyway. But a candle from the dollar store?

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It's disappointing. It smells terrible. They're bad for you. They don't burn correctly. Like all the chemicals they put in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A keychain comes in at number eight.

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Please don't get me a fucking keychain. Let me get my own keychains. I don't want your keychain. I want my keychain. And I don't wear a keychain. Who wears keychains anymore? Who does this? What's a keychain for? When you're seven and you have a backpack, a keychain makes sense because you collect them on your backpack, right?

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It's some little indication of your individuality when you're a young person. But when you get over the age of 15, do we need keychains anymore? Really? I don't think people have keys anymore. I turn my car on with my phone. Fuck you.

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Five diamond rings. I knew there were rings in there.

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I'm rich. That Hyundai sitting outside doesn't turn itself on. I press a button, ladies. Number nine, and I couldn't agree with this more. Please never do this. We're just talking about this on today's show. A pet for Christmas. Do never get anybody a pet for Christmas unless you have talked about it with them specifically. Because Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries... None of it. Don't do it.

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You do not get someone a pet when they do not expect you to get them a pet. That is a terrible fucking idea. They will feel obligated to keep that animal. They probably didn't want in the first place. You want to know why? They didn't have a pet in the first place. If you want a pet, you go get a pet. You don't do that's not something someone does for you. You do it yourself.

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Four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree. On the sixth day of Christmas, which would be today on the TCB, there's no 13 days. We're going to make up the 13th day. On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... Six flying nuns.

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Unless it would be like a pet for the family, you know, a family house where you and your husband or your wife or your whatever have spoken about it at length. You've you're going to surprise the kids with a dog. You know, they're not going to take care of it. So it's your fucking responsibility. OK, got it. Yes, 10-4. 10, a t-shirt. A brand new t-shirt. No. No, don't get a t-shirt for Christmas.

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Unless it's like a really good t-shirt. Yeah, unless it's a really funny t-shirt.

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A good quality one. But don't try and get someone a t-shirt that you think is fashionable.

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No. That's a bad idea. Then you're my mom all the time.

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Number 11. Weight loss programs. No. Weight loss programs.

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I think I could, you know... Listen, my hair is going regardless, right? A weight loss program might indicate that someone else feels you're lazy. You can't take care of your own self.

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That's a terrible gift. That's like getting someone rehab for Christmas. You're an asshole. Go to rehab. Which one time I was in rehab for Christmas.

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Do you remember the time I told you that I was homeless? Like I was living under somebody's porch because my dad kicked me out because I kept bringing strippers home. And so I lived under the porch of the stripper's mom's house while she was cheating on me. Because really, honestly, who's dating the guy under my porch? Yeah. It's pretty much a lose-lose situation.

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So the next step for me, even though at the time I was certainly drinking and drugging, it wasn't like I was a full-blood, you know, I wasn't like had to snort cocaine 24 hours a day or was drinking myself into oblivion every single afternoon. I just was casually doing drugs most of the time.

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But my big out was I had a guy that met me at a coffee house, like an old high school friend met me at a Waffle House, I think it was. And was like, hey, dude, I heard you're having a bit of a problem. And I was like, yeah. And he's like, I'd like to call some of my friends and have them meet us here. And they can help you, I think. And I was like, oh, okay, great.

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The people who showed up were people from a rehab program, quote unquote, where they asked me if I was in danger. Did I owe any drug dealers money? Oh, wow. How much alcohol did I drink? I got all of a sudden got roped into like a little cult and they sent me to a halfway house in on Buford Highway, Atlanta. What? Not even kidding. Twelve guys living in a three bedroom apartment.

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Four of us per room. We all had to pay rent by going and working day labor jobs.

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And I was there during Christmas. There was no TVs allowed. You could have a CD Walkman. If you had one of those, you could have a CD Walkman or a radio. No televisions allowed. None of that shit. So on Christmas Eve, they rolled in a TV and they played It's a Wonderful Life to basically 16 hardened criminals and Brian.

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It was the most disturbing Christmas Eve of my life, Chrissy, of my life. Yes. And so rehab for Christmas, not a bad thing. Exercise bike falls right behind weight loss management. Calendars or office supplies. Agree with this 100%. You don't need to get that for somebody. Let them do that on their own. That's a highly personal thing. My wife loves calendars. Loves calendars. Loves them.

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Six geese a-laying. By the way, what? Six geese a-laying? Only in Old English.

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Has them all over the place.

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But you know what? She doesn't want anybody else picking that out for her.

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Number 14 is a paperweight. Well, I didn't even know those existed anymore. Do we even use paper anymore? I mean, who's getting a paperweight? Do you have a paperweight? You looked at me like you might have a paperweight.

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That's a piece of art.

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That you use as a paperweight. But a paperweight is like a rock. You know what I'm saying? Like a rock with a place for envelopes that no one gets anymore. I don't know. Cash is number 15.

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Hey, listen. I'm saying this moves up to the best gift you could possibly give. This summer and this spring and this fall and this Christmas for the commercial break is cash.

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uh we should start a patreon just so people can tip us you know what i'm saying yeah uh number 16 is self-help books agree with that 100 don't get personal yeah you make people feel like they're being an asshole you know what i'm saying if you give them a self-help book like like how not to be an asshole yeah like maturity 101 yeah relationships for children The five love languages for assholes.

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Is geese a-laying, geese a-laying an egg?

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Yeah, that kind of stuff. And number 17, coming in at the worst gift to give someone. I just forgot it. Cleaning tools. Don't get someone a vacuum for Christmas.

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There are some Dysons out there that I would die for.

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It was good? Yeah.

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Yeah. Six geese and a laying. Oh, six geese and a laying. There you go. Six geese a-laying, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree. On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. I don't know.

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Listen, the Dysons are like, that's a different story, though. A Dyson is like getting an iPad.

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We have a Dyson, and that thing has like a screen on it that tells you how much shit it's picking up at any given time, and is it max, eco, maximum.

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Yeah, Dyson really changed the game. They made it sexy to have a vacuum. They did. Yes. Dyson is the apple of vacuums. That is for sure. It's its own ecosystem. You need their chargers. You need whatever. Anyway, I like a good Dyson.

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But don't get me Clorox or, you know.

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No, cleaning supplies. Merry Christmas.

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All right. TCB podcast.com. That's where you go. More information about the show, all the audio, all the video right there from one location. You can also get your free TCB sticker, or if you need a replacement for your 21 EPM sticker, that's biodegrading right in front of your eyes. Let us know. Go to the Contact Us button, drop-down menu. I want my free sticker.

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Give us your physical address, and we'll send you that sticker. No muss, no fuss. Also, if you donate to one of the charities we've been talking about in the 12 days of TCB, the National Breast Cancer Coalition, St. Jude's Hospital, and the ASPCA, take a screenshot. Let us know, and we'll send you some free schwag. I'll send you some of that deep schwag. Some of that B-side swag.

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Menfo stickers picked up off the ground from Menfo. Touched by Brian's hands. Don't you want that? That's going to be worth money. My fingerprints are on that bitch. Picked up off the ground. Picked up off the ground and mailed back to us by Jeff's partners. I'm not paying to throw these in the dumpster. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822.

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Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, we will take them all. Also, that's where you can send the aforementioned pictures. You can also leave a voicemail there. Add The Commercial Break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today. I think so. I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, we will say, we must say, and we do say, goodbye.

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Plus, if you want some privacy, you can just flip the manual cover to turn off the camera and microphone. Wherever the holidays take you, Ring makes sure that you're always home for the holidays. So head to Ring.com to find the latest deals on Ring video doorbells, cams, and alarm kits. Ring makes the perfect gift for everyone on your list.

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Seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree. What murderous motherfucker decided to write this goddamn torturous song? And now why am I singing it? Because I really don't know the lyrics, and I'm so interested to hear them. On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me eight rocks.

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I gotta get some cocaine!

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I think this is some pervert that made this up. Listen to this one. We all know what that is. I mean, if you haven't tried a French hen in bed, then you don't even know. I've been French Hen and Astrid for years. That's how this gringo got Astrid. She was like, what is that?

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And I was like, that is the French Hen.

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I hide on you like a little squatting bird.

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I twaddle my wings as I bounce on top of you. I give myself a blowjob.

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It's a French horn. A French hen. Okay, so that's it. So we've got eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree. Oh, this guy's definitely a pervert. Listen to this one. On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.

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Nine strippers dancing, nine ladies dancing, nine ladies dancing. This is a porno song. Nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, six swans a-swimming, six geese getting laid, four golden rings, four calling birds, three French horns, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree. Now, here we round the corner, and for sure, without any doubt, this is perverted.

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On the eleventh day of Christmas, on the tenth day of Christmas, oh, my true love gave to me.

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Well, I didn't know the 1780s were quite so liberal, but here we go. Ten lords a-leaping. Oh, yep. Lords a-leaping. Oh, if you try a French horn with a lord leaping, if you're a leaping lord that tries a French horn... You're a bottom and you know all about it. All right. Ten lords a-leaping. Nine ladies dancing. Eight maids a-milking. Seven swans a-swimming. Six geese a-laying.

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Five golden rings. Four calling birds. Three French hens. Two turtle doves.

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And a partridge in a pear tree. But on the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me more porno things.

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Eleven pipers piping. Laying pipe? Eleven pipers laying pipe. Eleven pipers piping. Ten lords a-leaping. Nine ladies dancing. Eight maids a-milking. Seven swans a-swimming. Six geese a-laying. Five golden rings. Four calling birds. Three French hens. Two turtle doves.

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And a partridge in a pear tree. All right, well, I guess they have to end. They can't end it in porn, so they go back to something more Christmassy.

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And thanks to Ring for being a sponsor of the commercial break.

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On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me twelve drummers drumming, eleven pipers piping, ten lords a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five golden rings, four golden birds, three French hens, two turtles, a hen, a partridge, and a pear tree. All right.

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I think that's the first time I've ever sung that song. Ever. Ever. That's the first time I've ever known what's in it. And now I'm realizing half of it is porn.

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That's what it is. What's the 13th? Well, okay.

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And the 13th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a break from TCB. That's the gift that keeps on coming. 12 drummers drumming, 11 people laying pipe, 10 lords leaping over each other laughing.

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nine naked ladies all right okay that's it there's the 12 days of christmas i'm glad you reminded me i remember learning it when i was small but i can't i did not remember everything yeah i remember doing the christmas like recital you know and i i remember little drummer boy became a favorite song of mine because i learned how to play it on the on the what do they call that the The drum?

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No, the accordion. But it's not an accordion. It's like a... Keyboard? Is it a harpoon or a harpen or... Oh, a recorder. A recorder.

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Where you press the button and you strum and then it... No, the recorder was the little flute thing. No, okay, that's a different thing. It's a little like... A harpsichord? Maybe it's a harpsichord, but you would just press the button and it would make a key. But it had the names of the keys on it, so it was made for little children to play. It wasn't like some complicated thing.

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It was like you press this button or that button, and then you strum it, and it made a certain noise. And so we learned how to play Little Drummer Boy, which really has one note in it the entire time. I mean, it's not that hard to play. But Little Drummer Boy, what's the best Christmas song, traditional Christmas song?

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I don't know if that's a traditional Christmas. Think of like a Judeo-Christian Christmas song.

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That's a good one. Good King's a good one. I like that one. I think Little Drummer Boy is my favorite. But then, of course, there's is Ave Maria. Would that be considered a Christmas song? Maybe?

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Her name's Ave Maria? Her name is Ave Maria. Really? So you call her Ave or you call her Maria?

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You call her Ave. Wow. That's really intense.

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I don't think so. David Bisbal?

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Cuban professional baseball player. Guess I'm not talking about the same one.

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Hold on. Okay. Give me one second. Christmas song list.

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Okay. Let me give you a list of songs. You tell me which one you like the best. You tell me which ones you're partial to. You ready? Sure. Okay. Here we go.

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The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole. Feliz Navidad, Jose Feliciano, which is a favorite around my household.

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White Christmas by Bing Crosby.

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Deck the Halls, Frank Sinatra.

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Take it from America's most revered messenger. Shorten your cold at the first sign with cold-shortening products from Zycam, the number one cold-shortening brand. Available in stores or see where to buy at Zycam.com. Hey, Chrissy, best to you. Best to you, Brian.

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Do you hear what I hear? Bing Crosby, which is a great one. Jingle Bells by Frank Sinatra. Although I don't really think of Frank as like a Christmas kind of guy. I think more of him is like breaking my legs in a dark alley kind of guy. But okay, here comes Santa Claus by Gene Autry. But Santa Claus is Coming to Town by Bruce Springsteen, in my opinion, is...

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Santa Claus is coming to town. Santa Claus is coming to town. Santa Claus is coming to town. Santa Claus is coming to town.

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If we're really at a Bruce Springsteen show, that goes on for three hours.

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Sing it again. Clarence, another saxophone. Santa Claus is coming to town. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Santa Claus is coming to town. New Jersey. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Santa Baby, Eartha Kitt. That's a real classic. Do they know it's Christmas?

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Wham! Well, I mean, there's the other one by Wham, too. Last Christmas. Last Christmas, which one of my kids is incessantly singing. I love that song. And so the other day he was incessantly singing it.

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And you have to, if you know me, then you know that if you know me, and that means listen to more than three seconds of the commercial break, then you know I'm a bit of an oddball, a little bit of a goofball. And when I sing songs or I hear them repeatedly, I start making up my own lyrics. Usually those turn into comedy.

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And usually poop or pee is the first thing I go to because I'm a three-year-old in my mind. So one of my kids goes to the bathroom. He uses the restroom. He comes out of the restroom, and I go, oh, number one or number two? And he's like, oh, it's number two. I go, oh, okay. So he starts singing Last Christmas. I go, last Christmas I made a big poo, but the very next day you flushed it away.

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This year when it comes out my rear, I'll give it to someone special.

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Well, it's the best thing that has happened ever. Like, Dad made up the best song ever, and now he's singing it. Can we make a video? Of course we can. And this is all happening around bath time, right? I have very young children, so I need to help them with bath time.

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Yes, it has to be fun.

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Really do all of it. And it's fun, and we're having fun. This is going on for like 30 minutes. I am embedding this song into his head, into a kid who remembers everything. He's an elephant. He remembers everything. So he runs down to go have dinner. Dinner's on the table. And I'm getting changed, whatever. And all of a sudden I hear, Brian Green! And I'm like, uh-oh.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe and happy holidays. Sometimes podcasts like ours will take off a lot of time during the holidays, but not us. We're gluttons for punishment. So we have the 12 days of TCB coming at you. December 13th through the 25th, brand new episodes every single day and live fresh episodes during the entire holiday season.

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She found my Instagram search page. I'm like, uh-oh. And I'm like, what?

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And she's like, you cannot be telling these kids these songs. They're going to go to school, and then they're going to get in trouble. Everyone's going to get in trouble.

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And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. He's just fun. So I'm like, listen, kid. this song is for this house and this house only you cannot repeat this so let's just get it out of our head let's sing the regular version which is also a little weird too but okay wham like we're gonna sing wham okay the wham version he says okay so last night as we're going to bed

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One of my daughters started singing the exact same song to Astrid, and Astrid's like, I told you. They're all going to get kicked out of school.

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And I'm like, ah, a little pee and a little poo. It's never hurt anybody. I mean, listen, my son will be the hero of his very young age classroom if he sings that song and he does it well. Do you know what I'm saying? I do. For sure. All right. Despite all that we bitch about blue here around the green household, we really are animal lovers.

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I don't think so. Not that I remember. Not that I recall. My assumption is... The town was founded, Orange Beach was founded in 1984. They probably had the old guard, you know, a bunch of homeowners sitting on the board who were like, you know, okay, we wanted to keep it a sleepy old beach town and have a few little condo buildings here and there.

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But money talks and the new people, you know, capitalism has officially taken over everything and we don't give a shit anymore. We just want, we don't give a shit about our sleepy town. We want to make money. And man, have they made hay from these beautiful beaches because it is just condo building after condo building after condo building. Not necessarily my style of beach.

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You know, I'd much rather be in like a sleepy beach town or a little bit more cozy of a beach town. But I will say this. I had a great time. The town is fresh. It's new. Looks fresh and new. They don't have left turns there. Everything's a U-turn, which is amazing. I called it U-turn city because you cannot take a left.

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So let's imagine you're driving down the beach and the beach is on your left and all those big condo buildings. You got to get to your condo building. You can't take a left into the condo building. You have to go down the street, make a U-turn where they have a light for the U-turn. They have U-turn lights.

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So they stop the traffic going the other way, and the U-turn light goes on, and you make a U-turn. And they even have a little extra shoulder on the road so that you can kind of dip over.

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They're thinking about this, right? I don't know why they are so opposed to left turns down there, but okay, there's a lot of condo buildings.

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Flow of traffic. There's a lot of condo buildings, so they have to have left turns.

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Yeah, it's either that suicide lane, you know, the big lane going down the middle of the road, or the median, which is much prettier and much more managed, and people aren't trying to kill each other. So everything's new. It's all fresh. And there's a lot of development and beautiful things. I would call it redneck chic going on down there. Redneck chic. I don't know any other way to explain it.

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Yeah, I like that. Family friendly. There's a lot of... At least when we went, there's a lot of families. I was told by some locals that... Spring break college and summer is next week. And the local spring break, which is Auburn, Alabama, you know, all the Alabama colleges, when that comes on, then you're really getting kind of crazy. But man, I'll tell you what. Chrissy, it was beautiful.

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Astrid and I went and had a beautiful dinner at a restaurant named Coastal. I have never seen a beach restaurant like this in my entire life. It was so incredibly big.

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That's it. The whole nine yards. And it was just this huge, beautiful restaurant serving pricey but good food. What did you have? I had shrimp and grits. I had fresh shrimp and grits. I went outside my normal cheeseburger in paradise kind of vibe. So I'm on the beach, you know, listen, here's my thing about being on a beach.

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Everybody says that. But I get a little nervous about having seafood on the beach. And I'll tell you what, I get a little upset and a little bit nervous.

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They do.

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You can see them at night. You can see those boats right off the, you know, a couple hundred yards off the water and they're shrimping. But then why are you charging me $38 fucking dollars for a baker's dozen of fried shrimp?

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Exactly. $40 million is what I was told this cost because they built a breaker on the restaurant. So if a hurricane comes, it doesn't wash the restaurant away. They were thinking about $40 million. That's a lot. That's a lot of shrimp and grits you got to sell. That's a lot of baker's dozen of local shrimp. But everyone always raves about the local seafood, the local seafood. I don't know.

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I like my seafood packed in a box and frozen and travel a couple hours.

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I know you love the crab. No matter the price. Don't even ask the price. Give me three dozen of those. Chrissy, we have this seafood restaurant here. Beautiful, lovely place we've been to a lot. Astrid and I love this place. I'm not going to name it by name, but the waiter comes over and tells the special. It's snow crab or was it snow crab? Rock crab. Rock crab. Yeah, rock crab.

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Tender, lovely, sweet meat. Succulent. Succulent, lovely. $72 a claw. we're selling them by the dozen and Chrissy orders five dozen and then eats four dozen of them.

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And the bill came, it was like $6,000. Poor Chrissy. Put it on the card.

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She's like, wait, I didn't know it was that much. I thought it was 72 per order.

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We're like, no, it's 72 per crab, per claw. They were delicious. We went, we had a great time. It was right, it was exactly what the doctor ordered.

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Yeah, we were running up against it for the last, you know, since early Christmas, we've been running up against it. But Astrid and I looked at each other at the end of the trip or while we were having dinner and we said, this could be a place where we run together.

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My go-to has always been one of three places. Charleston? Amelia Island or Naples, Florida. But here is the problem with all three of those places now. It's far. It's far.

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It's expensive. And it's getting more expensive every time we go. And Amelia Island, the sleepy little town that everybody falls in love with. You may say to yourself, the fuck is Amelia Island? It's nothing. That's what it is. It's where the first Ritz-Carlton ever in the United States of America opened. The Ritz-Carlton.

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Slow vibe. But it has been extraordinarily crowded and extraordinarily expensive the last couple times we went. We used to have, well, I'm not going to say that. The condo there. Yeah, we've spent a lot of time there. A lot of time.

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It's beautiful. It's lovely. But the beaches are different because you're on the Atlantic side. So the water is colder. It's rougher. And all of the water, mainly up and down the East Coast, is brackish, unless you get all the way down to Miami, go past Cape Canaveral. Mm-hmm. The water is brackish. And so it's a different type of water.

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You can't see the water like you can't see when you step in. You can't see your feet because it's brackish water. It's, you know, fresh and ocean water, muddy, kind of salty, weird water. But it's a lovely town. There's nothing quite as quaint and lovely as Amelia Island, but it's no secret anymore. So it's overdeveloped. It's highly crowded.

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They are not building anything else because their old guard is always going to be there. They're never going to let that island get any more developed. And so it's just a different vibe in Amelia Island.

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It's an island. There you go. Everyone's got a little bit of island fever down there, including me when I go down there. I feel like, you know, I don't know. I feel like I belong to an exclusive golf club. So why are all these people here? Why are all these people? Why are you here? You don't live here. Why are you here?

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That Ritz was beautiful. That'll be $720, sir. That's expensive. I didn't even get a massage. That's for the scents. Just the smell of the spa is $720, sir.

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Okay, it's getting a little on hand. So Orange Beach presents itself as a good, and also, I spent a lot of time in Amelia Island when I only had one child or no children. So now that I have many children, it's just a whole different animal. The struggle is real. The struggle is real. Everyone is feeling it.

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Everyone is feeling the pinch and the squeeze and it's not getting better and doesn't look like it's going to get better anytime soon. So to find a place where you can go where it's still reasonably, you know, I will say this about Orange Beach. It's beautiful. It's got that Chip and Joanna redneck vibe everywhere. Everything's white and lovely and clean and open.

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But they know that they got you by the balls when they get you down there like any good beach town does. You can go to these little, you know, the crab shack or whatever the fuck they call it. And every town has it. By the way, every beach town has a crab shack or a crab trap. That's true. And they all have the best shrimp in the world. You know what I'm saying?

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But none of them really have the best shrimp in the world. But they get you in that restaurant and they know they're going to charge you $30 for a bushwhacker and $38 for a baker's dozen of shrimp they caught two minutes away.

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It didn't cost that much money.

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You picked it up off the ocean floor and put it in a basket. It cost $38. I don't know. But that's okay. If you got to pay for the restaurants, at least you're not paying as much for the stay and the place in general. So I will share that I never thought I would be an Orange Beach kind of guy.

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I might be an Orange Beach kind of guy.

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I don't think you and Jeff would be disappointed. Yeah. And they have some of the biggest bars I have ever seen in my entire life. The Floribama is big in and of itself, but there are two that dot each end of the kind of the Floribama area, the Orange Beach. In Gulf Shores, there's a place called The Hangout.

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The Hangout Fest. Yeah. There is a huge... huge bar there with multiple stages. Kind of weird. You drive down, you get into Gulf Shores. It's a little bit older. It's a little bit more dense there with retail and restaurants and stuff like that. And you're driving and you see the beach on the left and all of a sudden you have a little bit of development, a couple of condo buildings.

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And then on the corner of the major intersection is a huge bar called The Hangout. And they have a stage, like an actual huge stage with a cover on it and everything. And my son and I were driving to go get some pizza in Gulf Shores and bring it back. And I got the window rolled down. And it sounded like these guys were playing inside of my car. By the way, they were playing Nickelback.

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They were covering Nickelback. But that's the kind of vibe it is, right? Okay, that's the kind of vibe it is. And you could see them on the stage as you were sitting there at the stoplight. They were like right there on the stage playing to hundreds and hundreds of people. Okay.

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There you go.

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I wouldn't say no to a trip down to Orange Beach. Spend a couple of days there. They've got great food. But what I really want in a beach trip, the most important thing for me in the beach trip is the beach. That's what I want. A beautiful beach.

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I want to be able to get out there. I'm not a kind of like lay in the sand for four hours kind of guy. But if I could take a walk up and down the beach, if I can splash in the water a little bit, I get my get my son. I don't mean my son, my kid, the son, the son, the son, the father, the Holy Spirit and all that jazz. Yeah.

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If I can if I can do a little star sun gazing, a little sun worshiping, then I'm good.

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Yeah.

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We saw the pink moon. We saw the pink moon. The first night we got there, we got there really late. The micro moon, which was not micro at all. It was actually very large, at least where we were from our view. We got there the first night. It was late. It was dark. It was way past the kids bedtime. We've been driving all day after we picked one of my kids up from school.

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And we got there and we look out, we go on the back deck and there's hundreds of people that are walking up and down the beach with flashlights. And I thought, oh, it must be turtle season. But it's not turtle season. That's why they can actually, because at least in Amelia Island, you cannot actually have a flashlight out on the beach if it's turtle season.

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Or I think anytime, really, because you confuse the turtles and they look at the lights. And even the lights on the back of buildings have to be a certain color so they don't think it's the moon. There's a problem with the moon, yeah. But what it was was just a bunch of families out there taking a stroll at night. That's the kind of beach it is, I guess, you know? You're at Floribama.

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Yeah, a little night stroll. A little night stroll with, you know, some dibbity-dabs and a drink. Yeah, and a fucking slush puppy or whatever they call them. And...

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It wasn't the starriest of beaches, but you could certainly see the stars. Also, it was a full moon when we were there, or mostly a full moon and then a full moon. So the moon kind of drowned out some of the stars. I think it was a dark night. I would have been able to see a lot. But we see these people out there with the flashlight. The kids got really excited. Dad, I want to go out there.

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That's right. I said, we don't have any flashlights. You're smelling the beach air. You're smelling the beach air.

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100%.

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And those are the things that they'll remember. And you cap off a trip, and you say, well, I'm rested and ready to get back to yet another episode of The Camaraderie.

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There you go. Back to TCV. Back to TCV. That's right.

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You do. Yeah, I did. Yesterday I was excited. I thought, well, I get to get back with my friend and have a conversation. Listen, it's all, this is not, we're not digging ditches. This isn't the worst thing in the world. And I will say this, many, many, many text messages on that phone when I came back and that really put a smile on my face. Many. Three. No. Okay.

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No, a lot of people had been texting us while we were gone. I left the phone. Yeah, I decided to turn it all off. I put it on personal mode. I turned it all off.

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And I left the studio phone here. Sometimes we'll take it if we go on vacation so we can respond to people or check messages or whatever. But we left it here and I came back to a lot of messages. It really put a smile on my face.

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Yeah, we'll get back to you next year. I tried to respond to everybody last night, but if you haven't had a response, it's coming. And we sent out another round of stickers. A lot of people said they got their stickers. Congratulations. Stay tuned. On May 31st, the 12 hours of TCB, which might end up being a baker's dozen.

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Stay tuned, kids, because now so many celebrities have gotten excited about this that now they're asking to come on the 12 hours of TCB, which, I don't know, maybe we'll just make it 12 hours of celebrities and we won't even do live shows. I don't know. We'll see.

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We'll see how it all shakes out. But on May 31st, it's a Saturday, last day of the month, 12 hours of TCB, six hours of celebrity guest interviews, six hours of commercial break nonsense, celebrating five years of the commercial break, and putting some focus on mental health awareness. The Mental Health Awareness Month is May, and Chrissy and I feel strongly that we are mentally ill.

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So there you go. So we feel strongly that we're mentally ill and that we need help. All right. So let's do this. Let's take a break. We got lots more to talk about. We're back. I got a lot of stuff built up. So let's get it all out in this episode and we'll be back to boring tomorrow. We'll be back.

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You'll make this rather snappy, won't you? I have some really heavy thinking to do before 10 o'clock.

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And so it's just a different vibe in Amelia Island. Also, it's an island. It's an island. There you go. Everyone's got a little bit of island fever down there, including me when I go down there. I feel like, you know, I don't know. I feel like I belong to an exclusive golf club. Why are all these people here? Why are all these people? Why are you here? You don't live here. Why are you here?

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Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large.

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And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules.

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They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything. You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Serea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. Oh, I did want to mention one other thing, Chrissy.

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I will... Mike Peska, our friend from the very lovely podcast, The Gist, the longest running daily news podcast out there. Mike has been doing this for a very long time. He's very smart. And he has...

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not been so intelligent with his guest choices because tomorrow this is coming out on wednesday thursday i will be on his secondary podcast called not even mad which you can get on the gist feed or they have their own rss feed called not even mad it goes both places i will be on not even mad and here's the premise of the show mike plays mediator to one person who thinks one way and one person who thinks the other way and they yell at each other and then they go but we're not even mad

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So we're going to be talking about the state of podcasting and the podcast universe, including some... noted controversy that has popped up around Joe Rogan and some things he said and some guests that he's had and some things that Sam Harris said about those guests that he had and some pushback Joe got about, you know, some stuff. I won't get into it here. It's not here.

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But if you want to hear my opinions on that kind of stuff, then check out Not Even Mad. Go to the GIST feed. I'll put a link in the show notes tomorrow to go get that. And yeah, it's exciting. Listen to me outside this universe. Okay. So here's one other thing that I wanted to talk about because I think it's important.

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We had that big conversation about why music festivals are costing so much money. Music in general, live events, live entertainment. And man, did we get a lot of response about this. A lot of people shared that they are also fed up with the music prices. Right. They agreed with something that I said, even though I didn't really mean this to be a solution to the problem.

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I was just making a suggestion that if they would lower the ticket prices, then people would go see more live music more often. They would feel more comfortable spending that budget in other places and supporting more local artists and more live artists and stuff like that. And so, you know, yeah, it seems like a simple economic, like, supply and demand kind of thing. You only have so much money.

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You can only spend it so many places. You pick one concert a year to go to, essentially, because it costs $875,000. And so we talked about this with no intention of running up against Coachella Weekend No. 1, but we did. We ran that right as Coachella Weekend No. 1 was happening. So Coachella Weekend No. 1, it's in the books, and Weekend No. 2 coming up...

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That Ritz was beautiful. That'll be $720, sir. That's expensive. I didn't even get a massage. That's for the scents. Just the smell of the spa. $720, sir. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.

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Okay, the Kuti Hooti Pooti. Yeah. The Fila Kuti Hooti Pooti. I'm not familiar with some of those artists. Bernie was there this year. Which is insane. But I want to say this about the overall festival Coachella itself. It seemed like in 2018, Coachella was kind of the apex predator of festivals. And everybody wanted to be Coachella. Everyone wanted to be at Coachella.

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Ticket prices were in the thousands of dollars on the resale market. It sold out in minutes, literally. And I think that was maybe its eighth or ninth year in 2018, something like that. That sounds about right. But I just looked before we came on air this morning, and Coachella's secondary tickets for weekend number two are going basically at face value.

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And there are still tickets available on the actual Coachella Stagecoach website. So you can get those tickets still now today, a couple days before it happens, which tells me a couple things in general. At least I'm inferring this. I don't think Coachella is the huge deal. It's not at its zenith, let's put it that way. I think it's still a big deal to a lot of people.

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But I don't think it's at its zenith. It's not at its height of powers. And I think a lot of people may be fed up with the idea that they have to pay thousands and thousands of dollars to show up to a really well-produced fashion show, essentially, right? A fashion show with a great playlist, essentially, at the end of the day. Yeah.

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These artists get paid millions of dollars, these headliners, for showing up for 45-minute, hour-long sets at Coachella. And some of the most famous sets from some of the most famous artists in the world have happened at Coachella. They make news every year because Coachella is a big fucking deal. And it will be for the foreseeable future.

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But I'm a little bit happy to hear that people aren't so caught up in the hype that there's a little bit of the foam. The foam is off the head, so to speak, Chrissy, a little bit about Coachella. Because it tells me that we're pushing back a little bit on the idea that you have to spend $4,000 just for the price of admission to go see these artists play these 45-minute-hour-long sets.

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Travis Scott was there hanging people upside down. What was that about? I have no idea. Can Travis Scott? What do you think about Travis Scott? I know it's a hot-button issue, but what do you think about Travis Scott?

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No, he's not in my rotation. Behind Frozen, the Cars soundtrack, and Huey Lewis in the news, which for some inexplicable reason my children are into right now. They are. Yeah. Don't ask. One of my kids is into We Built This City on rock and roll because it's in one of the animated movies.

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Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green, this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris Joy Holdley. Best to you, Chris.

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Oh, they do. I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor is now a big in rotation around my house. There's some good ones and then there's some ones where you're like, that's like literally named the worst song ever. Ever. And it's on repeat. But there's some Hall & Oates in there and some stuff that makes it more digestible.

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And when you're on a seven-hour car ride and they're in control of the music, sometimes you got to demand that that song move to the next one. You got to be like, okay, we've heard that enough. No more We Built This City on rock and roll. It's crap. Shit. No one likes it. But Coachella had an amazing lineup this year. Travis Scott, to me, he's not my favorite artist. And... I do believe.

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Yeah, I mean, I think Travis Scott gets a lot of clout because of who he's married to.

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Sha-la-la-la-la-la. Sha-la-la-la-la-la. Ha-ha.

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May the Tim, may the sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-may. Live on forever. Good for you, Timothy. Listen, divorce is hard and separation is hard. And I don't, I don't, I'm not, that's not an enviable position to be in for Travis, I'm sure. And he's a talented artist, no doubt. He's got a lot of people that like his music. And there are some songs that I'm really into.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us on yet another, another, another episode of the Commercial Break.

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But all of the imagery and the working the crowd up and the hype, I mean, he put people in a pretty dangerous situation. Last time, him and the promoters and the people who put on that festival in Houston. And then, I don't know. I have mixed feelings about Travis Scott being at Coachella. But I'm not the guy making the choices, so who fucking cares what I have to say.

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But Lady Gaga showed up looking like a demon dragon. What is... I know that's her thing.

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I know that's her thing. I get it. But honestly, these outfits are absolutely wild. She looked like a devil, like a horned devil coming. And she had those weird fingernails. Yeah, the weird hands and the weird nails. I like my Lady Gaga slimmed down with the fashion. I think she's good. She's a very fashionable person anyway. I could do without all the costumery, whatever you call it.

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I know she did the meat dress, which I'm sure smelled wonderful if you happen to be sitting next to her at the Grammys or wasn't it the Grammys that she did the meat dress? Billy Joe Armstrong came out with the Go-Go's and played a few. Green Day will be playing. I think they're playing in weekend number two. Or did they play in weekend number?

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The Commercial Break. My new best friends at the Commercial Break wanted to tell you that they fuck ghosts. Tune in to the next Dr. Phil for a ghost fucking episode. Yes. Also, we're going to hog tie some immigrants and throw them over the border on the commercial break. If I'm not Dr. Sheriff Phil, he's going to add sheriff to his name.

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Oh, maybe they're playing both weekends, something like that.

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I did. I wanted to talk about that.

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Yeah, she got shot by the police because she was threatening to shoot the police, which is just kind of a dumb thing to do. She must obviously have some problems.

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But the weird thing is that, like... I don't know. Would you then go play Coachella?

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I think I would bow out of the fashion show that is Coachella, find somebody else to take my place. I mean, I don't know what the deal is individually with a band, like what those contracts look like inside of the band. But I got to imagine there is like some empathy for the fact that your wife just got shot. And hey, bro, I'm going to go play Coachella. You know, hey, honey, playing Coachella.

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Sorry about all that mental illness and that whole gun thing. Right. I'll be in Coachella.

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Yeah, hope it works out.

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I guess you never know what's going on in someone's relationship. But you can find a studio bassist to fill in something. I mean, doesn't Flea's always around? Isn't Flea always available for that kind of shit? Seems like Flea is a guy you call whenever your bassist's wife is shot by somebody. Call Flea. He's got a lot of energy. Lady Gaga.

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Lady Gaga played, Benson Boone, Missy Elliott, Marina, Three Sacred Souls, Gabe, Gabriel, Tiffany Tyson, The Go-Go's, Tyla, Kneecap. I'm trying to think. I'm trying to give you the bigger ones. Indio Warehouse, Masio. Yeah, okay, you know. Yeah, pay $1,000 for that? I don't know.

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Depends on what you get. If you just get regular Coachella tickets.

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Yeah, if you get regular ticks, then it's like $576. If you get the Coachella Plus... Which is, I don't know, you get pictures taken of you for TMZ? No, it's not VIP. That's a whole different animal. Those are like $1,400. But there's like a $900 version that's like Coachella Plus. And I don't know what that means, but I guess you get early entry.

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Which, by the way, a lot of people who were there for early entry camping spent 12 to 16 hours trying to get in.

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Yeah, it sounds like – go back to the other way. Yeah, when you're doing this for like 15 years and everybody's used to doing it one way, don't then switch it up all of a sudden without a lot of guidance or information, which is apparently what a lot of people are complaining about.

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They said, I read the instructions on the website, sounded like the instructions from last year, and then all of a sudden we get there and it's taking us –

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and three hours to get in the front door and then another 12 hours to get in the security checkpoint so that was so uh missy elliott lady gaga benson boone were the big ones on friday then you had travis scott green day charlie xex t-pain jimmy eat world on saturday um yeah okay green day travis scott charlie xex t-pain jimmy eat world jimmy world jimmy world

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I guess it's time for them to come back. Yeah. I did like a couple of their songs.

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I always thought they were, like, on the edge of cool. Like, they were, like, doing something a little bit different than all the, like, hairy cock rock that was out at the time. Like... I don't know. Like... I hate to say it because I know they're the butt of the joke, but let's make them the butt of the joke. I mean, okay, I won't shit on you today, old 90s cock rock, old 2000s cock rock band.

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On Sunday, Post Malone, Megan Thee Stallion, Shaboosie, Jack Glam, Junior H. Post Malone, Megan Thee Stallion, Jack Glam, Shaboosie. That sounds like a cool one, right? Wouldn't you want to do that? Yeah. So this weekend, Lady Gaga's playing Missy Elliott. Oh, they're just repeating the same?

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Oh, it's two weekends and all the main stages are the same.

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It's only one weekend. You got to buy a ticket per weekend. I think I prefer the way they do it at Bonnaroo, which is just one weekend.

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That's what he said to that guy. How do you know me?

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Get her done. Now I understand, like, Coachella owns that big piece of land out there, I believe they do. And they got to make that work. They got to make their money. It's very expensive. It's very expensive to get there. They put on these shows. They pay these artists a ton of money. So you really got to squeeze every dollar you can out of everybody. But I like Bonnaroo.

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Once a year, I like the idea of Bonnaroo. I don't actually like Bonnaroo. I just like the idea of Bonnaroo. Because the one time I went to Bonnaroo, I wasn't even there 48 hours. I had to go home.

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Yeah, you're on TV.

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That was wild. That was wild. So two weekends, same people playing both weekends. Make it different. Like bring in some new blood. And that way you can suck more money out of those people willing to pay all of that money. But then I also read that there's almost 14 million people that will stream one of the two weekends.

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How much was that?

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Okay, Nugs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Okay, so you can just kind of like, you can watch it if you can't be there. And obviously not everybody can go there. They can't be there.

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Salutes, amigos. Dr. Phil, well, what can you do?

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Not interested in doing any additional camping at a festival. Not. No. The main majority of my camping at festivals has not been at mainstream festivals. It's either been Jam Land Productions, which you can only imagine. I probably wasn't getting any sleep. Or at a party in the woods, which you can only imagine. I probably wasn't getting much sleep.

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As a matter of fact, I think I was the last one, the last time I went to a party in the woods. There was a huge bonfire and there was a drum circle at like 2.30 in the morning after the music had shut down. And we're not talking Coachella stages. We're talking a stage some dude built three days ahead of time that we're all going to be lucky if it survives the weekend. And it's like...

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Your buddy who plays guitar at the party that you really hate finally gets a chance to stand on stage with a microphone.

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Who says I didn't? Who says I didn't? As a matter of fact, one year I went up and sang a Doors cover in a kilt with no underwear.

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Some people really enjoyed it. Some people really enjoyed it.

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If I was to tell, if I had to take the temperature of the crowd, now you have to imagine this is a rusted root, grateful dead fish kind of crowd.

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Mount up. Hoo-ha, hoo-na. Dr. Phil on the block.

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And Brian goes up to play a cover of The Doors, The End.

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The musicians were fantastic, by the way. I did it no justice. But there was a couple hundred people standing in front of me when I started. And some people were still standing when I ended. Some of those people floated off to a bar. I mean, this is a huge area in the woods. We're talking like 200 acres, and there's people camping all over the place, thousands of people camping all over the place.

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So you go down near this barn. There's this big field. It's been cleared out. There's camping all up in the – there's hills and mountains. There's camping all up in it, and you can – the drum circle calls – Calls everybody to the campfire, the drum circle, the music's off, the bars are always open. But, you know, if a bartender stayed up, like it's all volunteers.

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So I volunteered a lot at the bar because then I could just drink for free. But the drum circle is calling me. So I think I was actually bartending when the drum circle started. I just kind of floated off to the drum circle. Sorry. See you in the morning. And there's girls dancing around the fire. Everyone's drumming. I'm drumming and then I start dancing because now I'm incredibly intoxicated.

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He got hard. He got hard all of a sudden. Gives me chills with my Willie Hoo Hoo. Willie Hoo Hoo. Speaking of the border, Floribama. We're back from vacation. I'm red and ready. I'm red and ready. Tina Tannen-Sweeze is now re-re-open!

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And there is this beautiful woman who I've just been watching dance for like 30, 45 minutes. Beautiful. I know her name. I'm friends with her on Facebook. She's like mesmerizing, right? Or was that night anyway. Right. And so she's running around. She's got this little necklace with a with a I don't even know how to explain it.

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It's like a little jar, like a little tiny little mason jar, like a mini mason jar. And it's got liquid in it. And she's running around and she's dancing. And then I start dancing. And then, you know, we're kind of in each other's space, you know, dancing the ethereal dance. Oh, yeah. Like moving hands at each other. It's the drum circle dance. It's the drum drug circle dance. That's right.

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And she opens up her little mason jar and she takes a swig and she goes, want some? And I was like, yeah. I thought it was liquor. I thought it was moonshine. But 30 minutes, 40 minutes later, I realized it was not moonshine. But I don't know what it was. But I ended up being the last person up at the party in the woods. The last person up.

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The only other people that were up were the people that were like on duty for security. So at four or five in the morning.

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People, yeah, people that were waking. I'm sure there were people up, but they were in their camps, in their campsite. I couldn't be sure I was the exact last person up. But there were security, you know, like, but they're not really security guards. They're like guys with long hair that, you know, are sober people. that have volunteered to stand watch for who? I don't know. For what?

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I'm not sure. And the people at the medical tent, too. So everyone eventually falls off, and I'm the last guy standing, and I'm dancing to myself, and I'm now realizing I had not been given moonshine. And so I'm walking around. This is like hundreds of acres. I'm walking around trying to find people that are awake that I can talk to.

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So I'm talking to the security guards for, you know, talking their ear off until they eventually just stop talking to like, you know, stop talking to me so that I can go away. Then I go to the medical tent. Do you need medical help? No.

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Meanwhile, they're like, fuck you, dude. Fuck you. I'm on medical duty here. I don't have time to be drugging and drinking. Fuck you. And so I just walked myself into a stupor until I eventually fell asleep at like eight in the morning. And I woke up in the most uncomfortable state I had ever been in. Hot, sweaty, still high.

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Oh, it's just like baking me in that tent. And I was with somebody too. And she was mad at me because whatever. And like, so we're baking in this tent, sweating on each other. It's just like a whole situation is gross. I will never camp again in a festival.

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Never. I'm going to camp only if Armageddon comes and I need to stay outside my own backyard where I can still have the bathroom inside. If the plumbing stops, I'll camp outside. Okay. That's it. It's the only reason I'm going to do that. All right. Why don't we do this, Chrissy? Let's take a break and we'll talk more about sweaty, sweaty, sweaty, sweaty trailer.

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I had the option to go in the sweaty, sweaty trailer, but I wasn't convinced the air conditioning was working. I think that was just a, they were trying to get me in there for something. Yes, they were. All right. We'll be back.

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I do have a good tan. My wife was like, you are dark. And I said, yes, that's because I cover myself in... Oil? Well, here's my game plan. I'll share it with you for all those who care. For all those who care to get that 80s burnt sienna look. I go for about 45 to 50 minutes, 11 to 1 p.m., that area, the sun area.

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Can we talk just for a minute? And I know this is the last person you want to hear any opinions about this from, but I got to throw this out there. Can we talk about Blue Origin for a second? The New Shepard fucking PR stunt that happened a couple days ago with Katy Perry, Oprah's best friend, Gayle King, Sanchez. What is her name? Sanchez, Lauren Sanchez.

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And then some other people who actually are doing stuff. Doing stuff. Have some reason to actually want to go to space. So, in case you have your head directly up your ass, five, six women...

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All-female.

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Dick penis ride up to not even space, but we're going to call it space because why not? The Carmen line, what they call it. So that we could float around for two and a half minutes, yell and scream into the microphone, and then come back down to Earth and yell and scream some more, and then make a big dramatic scene. Kiss the ground. Kiss the ground. Make a big dramatic PR scene.

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We'll have the Kardashians there doing live commentary and Oprah crying and, you know, Jeff Bezos meeting you at the door because God forbid anything falling on his face. That's true. He face planted. He's a boner. There are so many things on this earth right now, in this country right now, in this world right now to be concerned about, to give attention to, to give press to.

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I am not arguing that the all-female crew is not an admirable thing to give some props to.

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But this is a huge PR stunt. No doubt about it. It is absolutely almost meaningless in a lot of ways because they are doing nothing. They are advancing nothing about space or space travel. They have done this a number of times. You can pay a couple million dollars and do it yourself.

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You can actually go and book a reservation on Blue Origin's website to get up there yourself if you have that kind of money. And if I guess if Jeff Bezos chooses you, I don't know how that whole process works. You could go to the Fry Festival or you could go to the Fire Festival or you could go to the top of the Kármán line, which is basically just a little higher than an airplane can go.

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Let's be real about this. It's not space. It's not actual space. It's high enough to see the curvature of the Earth. It's high enough to be a little weightless because of the way that where you are, the gravity is no longer holding you down as much. But you haven't even left the atmosphere of the Earth. And you're doing no experimentation whatsoever. You are advancing no cause whatsoever.

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You are just taking a really expensive ride into space and sucking up people's attention for, in my opinion, not the best of reasons. I do not argue the female aspect of this. It's not my place to say. It's not for me to say whether or not that's good, bad, or indifferent. But what it clearly is is a PR stunt of epic proportions and one that failed miserably To do anything for anything.

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I mean, to do anything for anything. Yeah. It's just dumb. It's just dumb. And I really wish that Jeff Bezos, Lauren Sanchez, Gayle King, Katy Perry... Those people specifically would put their time and attention and PR abilities and money into a lot better things.

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Like, let's say, run down to El Salvador and save that father who will now spend the rest of his life rotting in an El Salvadorian prison for no good reason. Because people just want to dig their heels in and decide they're not wrong for any reason whatsoever. Yeah.

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And without getting into all the politics of that, I think we can all agree that's a really shitty situation that if you put yourself in those shoes, what a fucking nightmare. Or the mother or the children of those people. Why doesn't Lauren Sanchez and Jeff Bezos take their dick-shaped rocket and fly down to El Salvador and...

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Raise some time and attention and money to getting that guy out of prison. I'm not arguing the criminals and the people who are here are legally. That's not I'm not getting into that argument here. Check me out. I'm not even mad. Am I getting in that argument here? But that dude is there clearly in the wrong. And it's even been admitted and they won't let him out.

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The searing time, yes. I'm watching a lot of Top Chef right now.

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Might. But I don't think so.

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Return him. And they're saying no. So the law means nothing. The justice system means nothing. It's being used to penalize people. It's being used to disappear people, just like they did in Ireland in the 80s, 70s and 80s. Disappear people. And if we get a few wrong, oh, well, oh, well, those people have children and wives. They're real human beings with actual feelings. You admitted you're wrong.

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Now bring them home.

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They say that he had speeding tickets. They say that he is part of the MS-13 gang when a judge, multiple judges already found that he does not. And he has reason to fear the MS-13 gang. This is just a clear clusterfuck. It's a clear mistake. And there are so many things wrong with this, it's not even funny.

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Yes, that's right. We'll get on both sides. The crudo. I'm going for crudo. Sear it on both sides, raw in the middle. Yeah. So you go there, and you just do a little bit of sun. You get a little sun kiss. That's what you do. And then you doll yourself up with all the sunscreens. But because my face is so used to being a different shade of brown, I just put the 30 on my face after that.

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But we're all going to spend the next hour watching a meaningless, really high flight into not even space. just doesn't make any sense to me. I'm sorry. It just falls flat. I think it's tone deaf in so many ways. And I really, really wish that those people specifically with so much power, money, you know, resources available to them would do something good with that time, energy, and effort.

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Something good, just like a little bit, because this was not that. And I might be wrong. You may find a whole slew of reasons why this was wonderful for humanity. But please tell them to me.

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Please tell them to me.

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Please tell them to me. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Chrissy. I'm sorry. I wanted to like this. I wanted to be like, this is good for these girls. Like, you know, good for humanity. Good for all this other stuff. Oh, yeah. I watched it, and it's just like a clear. I watched it. I read about it. I listened to Katy Perry drone on and on about it. Katy Perry just droned on and on.

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Yeah, and do we have to do so much screaming? First of all, they didn't even show the inside of the capsule. If you're going to televise this as the world's biggest PR stunt film.

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For humanity and for the advancement of female causes, at least show the ladies in space, or what you're calling space, don't leave us hanging. All I saw was a rocket go really, really, really far away and then come really, really, really back down to Earth. That was so stupid. I mean, if Musk can get it right, Bezos, I bet you have enough money, time, energy, and effort to get it right yourself.

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But here we are, just stuck with a picture of a rocket that's like this... My eyes have one pixel, and then it comes back down. And all you can hear is these girls screaming their heads off. It's like, oh, my God. Oh, my God.

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Didn't they prepare themselves? Isn't there someone on the ground who's like, listen, it's going to go really fast. You're going to feel some Gs. You're going to be weightless, and you're going to come down real fast. Okay? Yeah. Be prepared.

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Ten and a half minutes. Ten and a half minutes. I've had sex that's lasted longer than that. And that's saying something. That's on a good night. But ten and a half minutes is no, no.

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Neil Armstrong went to the moon. It took him like 11 days. Those people just came back from nine months in space.

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Nine fucking months. And they only expected to be there for two weeks. Those two. Those two are fucking real astronauts. Those two did something. They continued to work while they were up there.

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Yeah. Shitty situation. Let's get to work and advance the human race. Like, let's figure some shit out while we're up here. Those people just yelling and screaming into a microphone and a camera that doesn't even work. It's crazy. That's crazy. And while we're at it, can we change the shape of the rocket ship?

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It's small, isn't it? Isn't it small? It's like a small penis. It's like a micro penis. I mean, if you're going to take a penis to space, make it a big penis. Get it thick and girthy. Put some testicles on it.

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It's just one little rocket. It's a rocket with a penis head shape on top of it, and then the shaft falls off and the head rides up in space. I mean, put some potatoes on that thing. Put some testicles. You know those testicles that hang off the back of people's trucks in Floribama and Orange Beach? Yeah. Okay. All right. Put some of those, but make them really big.

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But it works. I didn't get sunburned.

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I was out in the sun a lot, and I went to Floribama. Yes.

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And just have them right up there with Katy Perry. It would be perfect. Her big line was, I'm putting the ass back in astronaut. I know. Oh, thank God you're there. Thank God you're there. A shining example for all the young ladies who want to be astronauts. Putting the ass back in astronaut. You think she came up with that on her own or does it take a whole PR team to do that?

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I mean, come on, Katy. There was a time when I liked Katy Perry. There was a time when I was like, Katy Perry, she's funny and she's interesting and she's, you know...

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Yeah, she kisses girls and she likes it. She's a little wild. Then she came out with that dumb video where her boobs were sparking and shooting. It's like, come on, what are we doing here? And now she put the ass back in astronaut. Katie, you're welcome on the show now anytime, although I'm sure you're a hard get now that you're an astronaut. Yeah.

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Now, I never expected I would be a Flora-Bama kind of guy. I was mainly a Flora kind of guy, but now I went to the Bama side. And I got to be honest, I went to Orange Beach, which, for those of you that don't know, Flora-Bama is exactly what it sounds like. It is part Florida, part Alabama. It's right on the line of Florida and Alabama where the two meet. The very little beach that Alabama has...

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You're welcome on the show any time to explain yourself. But what exactly did this do for anybody? I'm just wondering. And Gayle King, I ain't got nothing against Gayle King. I ain't got a goddamn thing against Gayle King. Seems like a perfectly lovely human being. She's famous because her best friend is famous. Just like me, Chrissy. I'm famous because you're famous.

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I pulled you right up. You pulled me right up by the bootstraps. Look at that. But that Oprah there crying like a mishmash, it's like, oh, my God. I mean, I can understand. Your best friend's going into space.

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Anything else. The commercial break. I mean, come on, Jeff. Pay us to do some episodes for you. I just, I know. I have a feeling. That there are some people who are really powerful with a lot of money that have just gone full off the deep end megalomaniac. Like, you know, evil character in a movie kind of thing. And we all know who those are. Dr. Evil. Dr. Evil. We can point them out clearly.

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And I think no matter how you feel about politics, you're probably in agreement at some level that we agree on this. But I think there are some who may have a softer heart, who may be a little bit more level-headed, who have capitulated because they're scared or because they don't want to be on the wrong side of whatever.

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I'd like to think, I'd like to think, though I don't know this to be true. I'd like to think that Jeff Bezos might be one of those people, right? And he built the largest company in the world, one of the largest retail company, the largest retail company in the world that changed all of our lives. And he did it by selling used books. That's how he started, by selling used books.

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He had a vision and he took it to the nth degree. And now he's putting people in low... atmosphere orbit. I don't know what you call it. Low atmosphere orbit. But I believe that he could probably do some good with all of that power and that money and that big yacht he's got. Can he take that big yacht down somewhere and...

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stage a rescue yeah i imagine those people they gotta have like paramilitary people around them right they gotta have like connections to paramilitary like you're not that rich everybody and you haven't talked to a few paramilitary people about what would happen if this happens or that happens and you know i'm gonna get on my yacht you're gonna protect me and all that stuff use those people like get down there and use those people and that el salvadorian president what is who is he

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That beard looks completely fake, by the way. I don't know who's doing his beard, but that beard looks like it was taped on. I'm sorry. He looks like a character in a Naked Gun movie. He really does. That Sal Salvadorian Butele or whatever his name is, he looks weird to me. He looks too young to be having a fake beard on. But he does. I don't know.

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He is kissing some major ass. Listen. But one can hardly blame El Salvador for wanting to get in bed with the most powerful government in the world because they desperately need help to pull themselves out of an insane kind of desperation and poverty. And the El Salvadorian people are proud. They're beautiful. They're lovely. And they have, you know, elected an idiot, no doubt. But...

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Yeah, in quotations. That's right. They just re-elected by whatever, 107%. Does 107% even exist? I mean, come on. But they are a proud people. And, you know, one can hardly fault them for wanting to figure out a way out of the current situation, which has largely been created by countries like the United States. But... I mean, can we all stand on principle?

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It's like Orange Beach, like that Orange Beach.

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I know it's so 2007 to talk about being principled, but can we please just be principled for one minute? Can we follow the rule of law a little bit? Can we agree that when something is wrong, we should try our best to make it right? And can we agree when another human being is in such a shitty situation that we can come together and figure out how to fix it? That doesn't make you weak.

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In the Gulf, Gulf Shores, that kind of area.

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It doesn't make you worse. It doesn't make you, it doesn't change your political beliefs, doesn't do any of that. It just says that when we do something wrong, we're going to figure out how to make it right. That goes for both sides of the aisle. And if you ain't got a clue yet, check out Bernie Sanders talking to like 57,000 people in San Francisco or 100,000 people in Coachella.

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The Gulf of Mexico. Where do you know me from? The Gulf of Mexico, bro. And Floribama gets its name from a very famous bar named the Floribama. Now, I don't know the whole story, but the way that it was told to me, and I'm not sure this is true. I've done no research on this. So if I'm wrong, that's just add that to the list. But there was a property that somebody bought.

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Something's happening.

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In Idaho, Utah. Yeah, Utah and Idaho. Yeah. something's going on. I don't know. The heartbeat seems to be beating in a little bit of a different direction right now. And that, you know, I might be living in a bubble, but I don't think I am. I watch all the different news channels. I check it all out and something's going on. So maybe this kid down in El Salvador and his family have a chance.

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Maybe. Let's see. I feel so bad for this because I can, I see how easily this could be any of us, any of us. They're talking about... Deporting citizens who may or may not be on the right side of whatever opinion happens to be in vogue right now. And that is fucking insanity. It's insanity. And if you don't think so, turn the commercial break off. That's all I got to say. Don't give a shit.

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I don't need your dollars.

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End on that note. Brian's fired up. I'm ready.

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I came back from vacation. I was thinking about it a lot on vacation. Of course.

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I was looking at my children going, what happens if I was 100,000 miles away with no way to communicate, no hope? Nothing that not even the highest court in the land couldn't figure it out. If they couldn't figure it out and good for the highest court in the land for unanimously saying this is wrong, dude, got to fix it.

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But, you know, Bukaki or whatever his name is and whatever the other guy's name is, Miller, Stephen Miller, they've decided, nope, can't do it. Sorry.

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Yeah, it's scary. All right, well, I'm sure I'll get a lot of opinions about this, so I'm going to turn my phone off now.

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I'm going to go on another vacation. See you down in Floribama, kids. See you down in Floribama. Orange Beach, visit. It's not a bad place. Not even mad. I'll be there on... You even got the t-shirt. I did. I got a t-shirt.

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Astrid said, you got to get a t-shirt. And I'm like, I don't need to spend the money. But then I found this one. I like it.

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Yeah. They had the really expensive... souvenir store and then they had like the surf shop and i went to the surf shop of course yeah i'm not gonna buy a 50 t-shirt for orange beach are you crazy like a golf shirt yeah i noticed there's a lot more people in the cheap souvenir store than there were in the expensive one Just saying, you know, bring those prices down a little bit. All right.

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I'll be on Not Even Mad. You can find The Gist or Not Even Mad. Google it. Apple. I'll put a link in the show notes tomorrow. That's Thursday of this week. As you're listening to this, that's what? Is that the 16th?

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15th, 16th, 17th. It's the 17th. On the 17th, I'll be on Not Even Mad with Mike Peska. Tune in. I'd appreciate it. He'd appreciate it. We'd all appreciate it. You can listen to me opine some more on things we never talk about here on the commercial break for good reason. And May 31st, 12 hours of TCB. Hey now, hey now.

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In coordination with our friends at Odyssey, our good friends at Odyssey, announcement to make about that soon, CTB and Covert Creative. Okay, tcbpodcast.com. Get your free sticker on the Contact Us button at the commercial break on Instagram and youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak for all the episodes on video the same day they air here on audio. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for right now.

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But I'll tell you that I love you.

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Best. to you out there in the podcast universe until next time Chrissy and I do say we will say and we must say goodbye

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They rejiggered the lines for the Florida Alabama state lines. And this guy's property was right in the middle of it. And somebody built a bar on top of it. Some ingenues, some ingenues built a bar. They call it the Floribama.

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Yeah, they do a lot of stuff.

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Yeah, mullet is in the fish, but you could probably find a few mullets there, too. Though it's very in vogue to be in this part of the world right now. In vogue. In vogue. I say in vogue to a certain part of the population. Trey Crowder, by the way, is this week's ATCV infomercial, in case you're wondering. Go check it out. I enjoyed my conversation with Trey, by the way.

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Yeah, no, it was a good one. TreyCrowder.com for all the information. Go listen to the episode. So Florida, long known for its beautiful beaches, its condo friendly, retirement friendly, party friendly atmosphere has been built up and the land is very expensive. Anywhere you go and there's a beach in Florida, you are paying out the nose for land, for condos, for houses.

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There just is very little left in the way of kind of like slow beach towns in Florida. They exist, but they're not going to exist for much longer. The beaches are beautiful. They are. They're gorgeous, especially the Gulf side, from Naples all the way to Floribama, all the way to Perdido Key, which is the furthest west you can go into Florida. And I've spent a lot of time on those beaches.

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We all have. If you live in Atlanta, it's our backyard. So that's where we go. So- A1A, which is the highway that runs along the coast, really from like the armpit of the Gulf all the way to Perdido Key, A1A has gotten extraordinarily ritzy and expensive. And you see these A1A stickers like you see student driver stickers all over the place.

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And basically what that means is you're paying too much for your vacation. You're an asshole. I'm sorry, but you're an asshole. Right.

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There's whole communities.

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I told you this. Yeah. Florida allows for private beaches, private beach access in some places. And so last year we went on vacation to Panama City, to Margaritaville, which is not private access beach. Yeah. I'll share that. It's not even on the beach. You have to walk across the street. But we went down A1A to go have lunch. And we thought, okay, let's bring the stuff. We'll have lunch.

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We'll go to the beach. Because we had been to this place before. And I'm not going to name it by name. But if you know A1A, then you know which beach I'm talking about. You know which community I'm talking about.

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Yes, there you go. And we went to go get beach access. And fuck, if I'm not kidding, the goddamn gate was locked. The gate was locked. It was locked. And people were pressing in a code and going in. And these people were not interested in letting you in. Do you know what I'm saying? They were like real dicks about it. They were hiding the code.

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And so meanwhile, some dude just kind of like kicked the door open and I ran and held the door open. Like a total redneck. Meanwhile, somebody is in their fancy $17 million beach house watching me do this. And I'm like, hey, just waiting for the family.

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I had the kids. Yeah, I had the kids. So, you know, that to me, I don't – even if I had the money to stay at one of those places – I don't feel the need to keep everybody else out. Great to meet. Anywho, Floribama, the bar. If you've ever watched the show Floribama Shores, then you will know. Yes. Oh, what a great. That is a tribute to redneck.

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That is like the apex of redneck reality TV. And listen, as much as I am an Irish boy from Chicago and always will be, I can play with the rednecks. Like, I don't I'm not I'm not angry at rednecks. I don't paint them all a certain color. I don't think they and quite frankly, they're fun. They're fun. Yes, they're fun. And they can be super nice. And they got that Southern style and Southern charm.

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And and I like it. It's it's very much in fashion right now. But I've always been, you know, spending most of my life here in Georgia. I've always had a certain affinity for it. I can have a Southern drawl when I need to. You know what I'm saying? And there's two types of Southern draws. Remember, Chrissy.

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There's the Southern draw from the old money, which is like, you know, my former mother-in-law, Brian. There's two types of people with money in this world. The kind that show it and the kind that know it. And then there's like redneck. There's like down south, redneck, you know, new money kind of.

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Yeah, they got that twang. So the floor of Bama has a line down the middle of it. One side you're on Florida, one side you're in Alabama. It's a fun bar.

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And I believe that, yeah, bushwhackers is the drink. And my dad was going crazy over bushwhackers.

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Oh, my God.

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Yeah, my dad, like this Midwestern meatpacking guy, all of a sudden is drinking bushwhackers.

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And eating fried shrimp.

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A Frosty with liquor. Yeah, that's what it is. So the bar, and I believe the guys, Floribama, the band, the country music sensation from the early 2000s that were around for a minute, I believe their whole shtick was one guy played in Florida and one guy played in Alabama, but on the same stage. I think that's how they got their name. I don't know, but that's what somebody told me.

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So we go to Orange Beach, where my parents, my stepmom and my dad have... rented one of the few townhouses that remain directly on the beach.

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It's five townhouses. They rented one of them for a month.

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Yeah, I think they did it through one of those, VBRO or something like that. But they found somebody... It's pricey, but it wasn't so pricey. I thought it was actually a pretty decent price for being right on the beach. Like, open up the back door, walk down off your patio, and you're on the beach. And the beaches are huge there. They're like a football field deep.

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So they're beautiful, white sand, the kind of white sand that's like salt. I mean, it's so tiny. Oh, just lovely. And it was really nice. The townhouse was appropriate enough. It was, you know, done up and all that, you know, leave your sandals here, you know, all that bullshit, sand dollars all over the place. Life's a beach. Life's a beach. Get kicking. Yeah. My coffee's a margarita.

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All the little schnick schnacks that go around, you know, sand dollars everywhere, a shiplap everywhere, you know, wainscoting everywhere. You know, you know how it goes. Tile floors that have to get where your feet, where you have to get a towel to wipe your feet before you get in bed because everything has sand on it. But we go down there.

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And one thing I noticed about Orange Beach is that Orange Beach is extraordinarily new. Now, here's the word on the street about Orange Beach. And I know this for a fact, because when I worked in commercial real estate, when you and I first started this show, I got a call from another what they call merchant banker, which is like a broker of capital for big commercial projects.

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And he called me in on a deal, and then he had me drive down one night so that the next day we could meet a guy who was doing a deal in Gulf Shores, which is a little further away from the Floribama line. Orange Beach, think about moving west. Floribama, Perdido Key in Florida. This is Gulf Shores, Alabama. Alabama.

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Perdido Key, Florida, moves into Floribama, moves into Orange Beach, then moves into Gulf Shores. So all right on this one strip, this 20 mile, 25 mile long strip. So I go down there. And when I went down there right at the beginning of the pandemic, everyone's scared, wearing masks, you know, not coughing on each other, all that bullshit.

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I just remember all I remember are these huge buildings coming out of the ground and crane after crane after crane after crane on the beach. Just huge amounts of development. And I remember thinking to myself at the time, wow, either all of these guys are completely fucked because of the pandemic or something's going on here that like I've never seen before. It's like Miami or something.

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You know, it's all these cranes down here. The reason why it's relatively new, I'm assuming, is because they must have changed the zoning laws and allowed for this dense development of these condos and these hotels.

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and figured out that Better Man is the life story of Robbie Williams, the very famous pop artist from the UK. And they made his character into a monkey, reportedly because... They felt like the old musical biography genre was getting old and stale, and they needed to spice it up a little bit. So they felt like they wanted to.

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Yeah, he felt like a dancing monkey. And so that's kind of the iteration. I have still zero desire to see that movie, even after people are saying it's really good. Zero desire to see Robbie Williams as a dancing monkey. But to Christina's dismay, Chrissy and I have no idea what one Robbie Williams song is. Oh, you do? Oh, okay.

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Exactly. Now, when I see Robbie Williams' face, I know who he is and I know I've listened to his music because I know I've seen his videos before. But I don't feel any affinity toward it, obviously. He's not an artist that I follow. But I didn't know he was famous enough to have a biography made about him. But then there you go. Maybe... I guess...

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If you turn somebody into a monkey, I guess anything can be good. You know what I'm saying? You know, they say never work with kids or monkeys. That's the old adage in Hollywood. Maybe we're turning a corner on monkeys, Chrissy. After Chimp Crazy, maybe we're... What is that? Chimp Crazy? Oh, yeah. That was crazy. That was a crazy documentary. Not as crazy as Lion King.

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Not as crazy as Tiger King.

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Or the Lion King. Or the Lion King sequel or prequel, which is making billions of dollars at the box office. And I somehow still... I also have no... I don't think I have any desire to see CGI animated animals doing anything at all. I feel so...

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angry with disney angry i do that they have taken an entire category of films that i loved so much as a child or that i i watched and i liked and they've changed it into this cji bullshit i just i don't know i don't like it i don't think it it doesn't hit me the same way i'd rather watch the old animation to be honest with you Look at me.

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I'm officially an old man on this episode of the commercial break. I don't know who Robbie Williams is. I hate the new golf. I remember the old broadcasters, and now I don't like the way the newfangled animation is. I hate it. Newfangled. The newfangled animation really gets me. It's too much. My eyes can't keep up. They're old eyes.

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I just wish Disney would do like an actually animated film again, like a film that's animated, you know, something that they actually people draw. You know, think about all those animators out there that were so talented that worked for Disney and creating all those things. And now they just, you know, film a lion out in the wild and then make it do hippity hoppity tricks.

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You know, now they're dabbing. The lions are dabbing CGI. I give a fuck. No, I don't. I'm too old for that. But I will say this. I do appreciate, and you know, my kids don't like the CGI animated movies. They like the Jungle Book. No, they didn't like the Jungle Book, which was, have you seen the animated Jungle Book?

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The animated Jungle Book, I know Jon Favreau put his heart into that, but I'm sorry, it's terrible. I didn't like it. And they just don't like those CGI animated films. They still like the cartoon animated films, like Lilo and Stitch and Little Mermaid, stuff like that. Those are the ones.

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So I don't know who is buying $2 billion worth of tickets to see this brand new prequel of Disney's that's animated like this. I don't know. There's a point where it goes too far. And you just need to say to yourself, do I need to spend $36.50 per ticket to watch Simba as an animated little dude falling off a waterfall? That's scary for children.

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When they're animated, there's supplyability in the world. You can say to yourself or you can say to your children, it's not real. It's a cartoon. But some of my children are already having a hard time understanding the difference between cartoons and reality TV. You know, they're like, is this live? Is this real? Does this happen like this?

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So when an actual lion, or it looks like an actual lion, is falling off a waterfall and dying or getting hurt, how in the world am I going to explain this? And who are these parents who are sending their children to watch real animals get hurt?

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You're all terrible parents. You're terrible parents. You should be ashamed of yourself. You should watch golf the old way. You should know who Elton John is before Robbie Williams. And you should watch the old Lion King where you can explain to your kids the blood is just someone drawing on a piece of paper. Not an AI simulator. All right, did I sound old enough in that segment? Yes, yes.

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All right, now that I sounded old enough in that segment, let me tell you, let me sound even older in the next segment as we talk about my trip to the Great Wolf Lodge.

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All right, we'll be back.

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Now that we're talking about how old I am.

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We're talking about how I still use two fingers to type. Chrissy just, Chrissy, who just figured out what Instagram was in 2024, can do all the swipe of the newfangled Apple iPhone swiping to complete her sentences. My fingers are so fat, it won't do that.

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So, I mean, you should hear, Astrid often complains that she can hear me typing in the next room because I'm like, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click. I'm beating it like it owes me money, like clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack. I know. It's so fucked up. On the platform. Yes. All right. So over the weekend – You had an exciting adventure.

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Gustavo and Allie are here, and one of the kids has a birthday coming up. And so Astrid came to me a couple of weeks ago, and she said, what if as a surprise we take the kids on a little vacation? And I said, yeah, sounds like a great idea. Let's get – the kids are off for three weeks. Let's get them out there and do something that keeps them occupied for a day.

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And we bantered around a lot of ideas and all of those ideas we decided not to do because this show doesn't make any money. So we can't afford it. So we were like, you know, down to Florida. Now that's too expensive to Disney World. No, fuck that. We've done that New Year's Eve Disney thing before. And it just is not. It is so incredibly crowded down there.

The Commercial Break

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I don't know if I told this story before. I'm sure I have because I've told every story in the commercial break. But I think I remember this. We went one year for New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, and Astrid's birthday, which is the second. We went one time down to Disney World for that. And we didn't get, we spent the entire day there and we did not get on one ride. What? Not one.

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The average wait time was three hours. The average wait time was three hours. The big rides were four or five hours. There were some rides that didn't even have wait times posted because I don't think they knew exactly how long it was going to take for the last person to get in the door.

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Yes. You just can't wait in line. Yeah. Listen, if there's no wait time, if the wait time doesn't say zero minutes, it just means it's way too long. And actually, the fire marshal closed the Magic Kingdom where we were, closed the Magic Kingdom minutes after we got in the door. So we got there at like 9 o'clock, 9.30 in the morning.

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Just in the nick of time to get no rides. And we stayed there until the fireworks, and we ended up spending four or five hours standing in one place to get a good spot for the fireworks.

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So around 3 o'clock in the afternoon, because we noticed everybody was starting to gather to get their spot for the fireworks, we also did the same thing like a bunch of morons and stood there waiting for the fireworks. We would take turns standing in this space. Were they spectacular? They were not as spectacular as the wait would indicate.

The Commercial Break

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Well, no. Because everyone is now a fucking shithead. So they all sit on top of each other's shoulders. And, you know, everyone's filming everything. And they got their phone in front of your face. And it's just like it's like everything that includes crowds or other human beings these days. There's a certain amount of misery that comes with being around the human race.

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And that is my assessment of the Great Wolf Lodge. Like everything in life, there is a certain amount of misery that comes with other human beings.

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The Great Wolf Lodge was what we decided on. We looked at the Great Wolf Lodge as long as we've been parents.

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Opened about five years ago, I think.

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You see the commercials. They have many locations throughout the country.

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It's an indoor water park.

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But really what they call it is an indoor adventure park. Key tree dish. Oh, yes. And what it really is is an indoor bird flu incubate. That's really what it is. A COVID-19 D-Day. It is not just a water park. Well, let me explain. So we decide on this and, you know, OK, we've been looking at it for five years. It's been open for about five years to much fanfare. We got a great Wolf Lodge.

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It's not in the city. It's about an hour and a half outside of the city near Alabama. And so we go, Astrid's, you know, looking as she does as the vacation planner, she looks through all the options and the sales and the details. Okay, let's go on a Sunday. It's a little bit cheaper. Kids have off school on Monday. And she finds this deal for, there are three kinds of rooms there.

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There's the great, the wolf adventure room or whatever the fuck you call it, which has a king size bed. And then some bunk beds that are like built into the wall in a little tree house. Cute, cool. Kids love that. There's the second type of room, which is there's actually two rooms, two queen-sized beds in one room.

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And then they have the little shitty bunk beds that are built into the wall in a treehouse. And then they have the rawr suite or whatever. The we're going to get you this time suite. Here comes your credit card suite with two, three rooms, one living rooms, kitchenette. Two bedrooms, pull-out couch, the whole nine yards. So we do this because we have a lot of people with us.

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And we said, better than two rooms, let's just get one and we can all stay in the same room. So we get in the car early.

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Well, there's two bathrooms, luckily. There's two bathrooms, luckily. Luckily, Brian can shit in peace.

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I was wondering.

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I don't like to be bothered when I shit. I've got stage fright when it comes to pooping. And so if I have to poop in a room with other people that I don't know, I don't do it. I would rather go down to the bacteria-laden...

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pool bathroom and take my chances with herpes simplex a on my asshole then poop in front of other people so uh so we get in you know so we decide oh and here's the deal so you can and once you book your room you got to put a deposit down but once you do that you can go there at any time the day of your check-in and you can check in get your wristbands and go and enjoy the pool even though the the rooms are not ready until four o'clock

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Now, I have seen videos online about Great Wolf Lodge, and I knew enough to know that the check-in process can be a little bit hairy, that oftentimes there are many people standing in line at one time to check in, even though they have 30 people checking people in. It's like Las Vegas.

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We all grow it, we all shave it, and all of us style it differently. That's what makes us all unique and interesting and honestly, I think that's pretty fucking great. Dollar Shave Club is for everybody and every budget.

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2012.329

When there's big hotels and everybody's checking in at the same time, especially on crowded days, on vacation days, you're going to wait in line. Bring your patients. Everybody packs in the old truckster, all 35 of us, family roadster, and we head an hour and a half. No traffic, lovely drive.

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We get there relatively quickly, and we pull up to the Great Wolf Lodge that is literally in the middle of nowhere. But on the road leading to the road to the Great Wolf Lodge, there has popped up a home to sweets, a McDonald's, a Chick-fil-A, a Wendy's, a QT.

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You know, there's the signs that everybody else is looking to profit off us idiots who are spending way too much money on the Great Wolf Lodge. I should also share with you that Astrid and I had a conversation.

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We decided because the Great Wolf Lodge is really in the middle of nowhere and we only have one night and we're probably not going to want to leave to go eat something, we should get one of those eating packages. You know, the wolf paw package where you two, you spend $130 and get $132 worth of food, whatever it is. You get a $4 discount and they encourage you to buy it ahead of time. So we did.

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We get to the Great Wolf Lodge and instantaneously the shitheads are ablazing. The shitheads are out in full force and I'll explain why. We turn this corner and you got to ride down a rather long road, half a mile. And then you got to turn into the Great Wolf Lodge. It's got a big sign, Great Wolf Lodge.

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And you go in there, and then it's probably a quarter of a mile long road to get to the actual, like, portico, right? Where you can either valet park your car, or you can take around the circle and go self-park.

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Chrissy, throwing the keys would have been an improvement to what these assholes were doing. We get there, and we're like 15... cars away from the actual roundabout.

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We had the line to get up there. The roundabout is chaos. There are cars parked sideways in the roundabout. It looked like they don't... I don't know. There was a nuclear explosion going to happen. Everybody just left. Get out! Check into the bacteria-laden pool quickly! We got the day to spend. We ought to get there now.

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People were just getting out of the car right there in the line, to the line, to the parking lot. People were exiting the car and taking out their bags and just walking up to the front door. And I thought to myself, as soon as we pulled in, Brian's irritation level runs to an 11. Astrid's already calming me down. It's okay. It's okay. We'll get there. We got the whole day. She knows me so well.

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On this episode of the Commercial Break...

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But as everybody's getting out of their car, I said, take the kids. Get the kids. Get to safety. Get away from me and the other assholes immediately. Get everybody out of the car. Don't worry about the bags. We can't check in for another 12 hours anyway. Or we can't get our room for another 12 hours anyway. Just go and get in. To which she does. She grabs everybody, she grabs the kid.

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And it takes me about, I don't know, about 10 minutes to weave my way through parked cars sideways. There's a big sign, Chrissy, right under the portico. It's like five lanes across this portico. And it says, valet parking these two lanes, valet parking this left lane, or super premium parking this lane. These two lanes do not stop in this lane. There's a sign hanging from the ceiling saying,

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Only the best for you, sir. You've reserved the premium RAR package. You can go on the rope course at a discounted price because you bought the RAR package. You get two chlamydia-filled rooms with the RAR package. Your air conditioning will blow cold air all night long with the RAR package.

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There's two signs on those little coney things. It says, do not stop in this lane. I finally managed to make my way to the portico. I can see the self-parking button. I can see that gate. I'm almost pressing it until some yahoo runs out in her bathing suit. It's 42 degrees, by the way. A sight to behold.

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Runs out in her bathing suit with her big 7-Eleven big gulp in her hand to have a full conversation with the lady in the car in front of me. I am stuck. I am going nowhere. Why? I don't know. We're talking about what flavors of slushy 7-Eleven has on sale today or how wonderful the pool is. I'd love to get there first. Could you please move out of the fucking way?

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Oh, I have my hand on the beep beep.

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I have my hand on the beep beep. But the lady eventually looked back at me, and I think she could see that I'm not fucking around.

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She looked at me. She had a few more sentences. She looked back. She had a few more sentences. She looked back. She had a few more sentences. And then finally, the lady who was driving stuck her head out of the window, looked back at me. And then she was like, waved like we're five minutes into her fucking conversation. And at this point, I'm like, smoke a cigarette. Why not?

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I mean, let's finish what you're saying. Can I talk? Ask me. Want to play poker? We're all trying to get into that pool so we can get sick. Can you please? Can we hurry? I get over there. I get into the lane. I press the button in the park. The parking situation is an immense clusterfuck. It is the biggest parking lot you've ever seen in your entire life. And it's just chaos.

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It's got arrows about which way you're supposed to go, but no one's paying attention to the arrows because, God forbid, they thought they saw a parking space somewhere.

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It is...

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Like the mall on Christmas Eve. You know what I'm saying? People are following people out. Are you leaving? You leaving? Yeah, but I'm six miles that way. I don't care. I'm going to follow you. Well, I got lucky and I managed to see someone pulling out like in the last spot. I saw them pulling out.

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And just by like the parking gods kissed my face because I managed to park relatively close to the building to an entrance.

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I know. Yeah, we call it rock star parking. When you get that, you're like rock star parking. And we're relative. I'm relatively close to one of the four entrances to the Great Wolf Lodge Adventure Park, which is what it says on the door. Great Wolf Lodge Adventure Park. So I park and I run in and I find Astrid. The kids are already at the gift shop.

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They're already like moving toward the gift shop. Of course. And by the way.

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I've now had to prep my kids anytime we go anywhere, like a Chuck E. Cheese, a Six Flags, a water park, anything like that. And here's the conversation that I say. And they already know what I'm talking about. I don't even have to preface the conversation. I say, don't even ask. Don't even ask. But dad, I want a lightsaber with a wolf on it. Don't even ask. If you ask, we're going to go home.

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Do you want to go home? Do you want to sit in the car the whole time? I've now decided that I'm using my parents' tactics.

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I'm being a bully to stop the bullying. You know what I'm saying? Do you want to sit in the car the entire time? We're going home. Do you want to go home? It's not that far to drive. And everybody else can have fun and you can stay here. If you ask for that fucking lightsaber, one more goddamn time.

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Yeah. Everybody else can have fun and you and I will go sit. Do I get to watch TV was one of my kids responses. No, no TV. I don't want to go home. Okay. Then. No. Can we go look? No. I know what looking leads. Oh, yeah. Looking leads to asking me for everything. But then I'm a big softie so that I say, okay, we can go look. And then, you know, of course, they say, can I buy something?

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I buy it, right? Okay, whatever. This time I held strong, though. I didn't buy anything from the Great Wolf Lodge except for everything except for those shitty little things. So... We're all in this gift shop. The line is immense to get in the place. It is just chaos everywhere. There are people in bathing suits, guys with t-shirts off, girls with... Does it have that smell?

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Oh, the chlorine smell?

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But, yes. But to me, that's a comfort because I know that chlorine is bleach and bleach kills most things. Right. So I'm like, if I can't smell it in the parking lot, I'm getting concerned. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm willing to deal with bloodshot eyes for the next six to 12 days as long as I don't get gonorrhea of the mouth because I went swimming at the indoor pool.

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So when you walk in, it's just this huge lobby. And in the lobby, after we get out of the gift shop— They lead you through the gift shop to go— No, no, no, no. The gift shop is across the way from the check-in.

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I think they keep the check-in purposefully— Like I think they keep the check-in a little purposefully slow. Like it is a long check-in process for many different reasons. Go look at the gift shop. Go look at the gift shop. Exactly. Like one of my kids is doing right now. And so they – I know. The kids run down the hallway and you can hear every Stephanie's microphone. Yeah, it is with purpose.

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I got to put like a piece of paper or something. I don't know, like a big pillow under this or something.

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Well, she runs with her heels. That one is a heel runner. So you know when she's coming down because it's a heel run, right? Some of my other kids run on their tiptoes, and it's a much different sound. So they keep that gift shop right across from the check-in, across the lobby from the check-in.

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That's my opinion! Ah, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Greene. This is the Rory to my Tiger, Chris and Joy Oatley. Best to you, Chris.

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And then midway between those two is a little area with a couple of Christmas trees, and they have Wolfie the Swimming Wolf or whatever it is, right? The character. Yeah. So we get out. I've got my kids. I'm holding my youngest's hand. She's walking across. And she sees that Wolfie the Swim Swim Wolf or whatever it is. And she stops dead in her tracks.

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She is like, and I go, oh, do you want to go see Wolfie the Swim Swim Wolf? No! It's scary. And she can't move. I'm like trying to get her to move and she won't move. She's just staring at Wolfie Wolfie the Swim Swim Wolf. And so eventually now I'm dragging my child across the lobby. She's like this and I'm dragging her and she's still staring at Wolfie Wolfie the Swim Swim Wolf.

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And I'm like, it's okay. It's just a pretend character. It's okay. Everything's okay. He's a friendly wolf that'll kill you. It's like CGI. It's like the new Disney movie. Yeah. It's like the new Disney movie. It'll bleed real blood if you heard it. So then it's clear that Astrid and Gustavo and Allie are standing there. It's clear that we are nowhere close to check in.

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We're at least 30 minutes away from this. So I say to the kids, let's go on an adventure and go see what this place has to offer.

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Because it has a big sign, and it's like, Adventure Park this way. And I know they have more than just the pool, so I'm interested to kind of see what the setup is, right? Of course, you are. Yeah, you're at a resort. The slides and all that other stuff. Chrissy, I turn that corner, and it is a hellscape. It is a hellscape of Americana. A hellscape of Americana.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. Hopefully, we've survived snowpocalypse. Hopefully, fingers crossed, we've survived snowpocalypse. The Rory McIlroy Tiger Woods Golf League has debuted, Chrissy, as we were just looking at. The TGL League, which is a technology-infused golf league, I think is actually what it's called, technology-infused golf league.

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People in bathing suits dripping wet, smelling like BO, feet with gangrene, spilling out of all kind of clothing. There's got to be a bar. Ladies with nipples hanging out and not in the way you'd want. Hanging out at the bar. It's this huge hallway, and the hallway is immense.

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And in the hallway, there is a Dunkin' Donuts, an ice cream shop, a Build-A-Bear, a pizza place, a ropes course, a miniature golf, a restaurant that sells tacos. That's a lot of stuff. It's a lot of stuff. It's pretty big, actually. The place is pretty big. A huge arcade, like a huge arcade. So I have two thoughts. Number one, I hate all these people. Get me out of here.

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And number two is at least we have something to do for the next 24 hours. At least my kids will be entertained. And when you're a parent, that's a big deal. It is. When you know you can wear your kids out and not have to leave where you're sleeping, that's a really big deal. Like try and do that at this house. They've already seen everything there is to see about this house.

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They're going to get bored real quick. Do you know what I'm saying?

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They need new stimulation. So all I do is walk my kids up the hallway. And back down the hallway, we see the pool. I can see it. I see it through the glass doors. I can see that my life is going to be a nightmare for the next little bit. You're preparing yourself. The kids, yeah. The kids, all of a sudden, they're starting to act scared. They're like, Dad, I want Mommy.

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And I'm like, why do you want Mommy? Your daddy's right here. And and she's like, no, I want mommy. One of my kids is like, no, I want mommy. This is it's too loud in here. It's too much in here. You know, I don't want to go to the pool by myself. And I'm like, you know, who's going to send you to the pool by your dad? Yeah, I'm your dad. Hey, get out there. Tackle that water slide, kid.

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What are you, 16 inches tall? Get out there, tackle it. All of a sudden I can see that my kids, it's like overload for them. It's too many people. It's too many noises, too many lights, too many things to think about seeing or doing at one time. I have made the very big error as a parent of not easing my kids into it. I just let them go right for it.

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That's why and I've said this before in the past. That's why I think Disney World is maybe not the greatest place on Earth for small children is because it's overload. There's too many people, too many things to do, too many things to see. They get like their little brains can't take it. You can almost see the smoke coming out of their ears.

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Yeah.

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So I quickly rushed them back to Astrid to where she is getting ready to check in to the room. And what happens next will surprise everybody. Let's take a break. Let's take a break. And I'm going to share with you my experiences at the Great Wolf Lodge Waterpark or whatever they're calling it these days when we get back.

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There you go, the TGL, which basically is like they're in a golf simulator on a big green that's put in the middle of an arena, and then they play as teams. So, you know, Tiger's got a team, and Rory's got a team, and Shane Lowry has a team, and other people have teams. And they're trying to jazz it up a little bit. I think they're trying to make golf a little bit more fun to watch, to play.

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Well, if you've been listening to the commercial break over the holidays, then you know that Chrissy, Christina, and I have been hard at work knocking out 25 episodes in one single month. So we understand just how chaotic a business can be. So when you're running an e-commerce business, you understand there's a special kind of chaos that goes on with fulfillment and shipping.

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Go to ShipStation.com and use the code commercial to sign up for your free trial. That's ShipStation.com, code commercial. Thanks to ShipStation for being a sponsor of the commercial break. So we're here at the Great Wolf Lodge. So we get up to the checkout, and then Astrid kind of throws me into the checkout situation. That's fine. I'm okay with that.

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And so I'm talking to the lady, who's very nice, by the way. I'm talking to the lady at the front, and she says, well, listen, here's the deal. You can use the pool anytime you want to. You got to – she's giving me like the rundown. You go to the pool. You get your towels. If you don't return them, they're $15 a piece. And I'm like, $15 a piece to not return the pool towels?

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Okay, I guess I got to try and keep – That's an incentive. Yeah, that's an incentive to return your pool towels. And she says, everything happens on your wristband. So who do you want to have charging privileges on your wristband? Mm-hmm. Great Wolf Lodge is a cruise ship. That's what it is.

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It's a cruise ship, and just like every cruise ship in the world and now every theme park in the world, they have figured out how to part you with your money more efficiently by making sure it's a cashless cruise ship. You have no cash. They take no credit cards. You must... Boop, your wristband. That's the only way you get anything anywhere in this place. And so instantly I know I'm fucked.

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This $300 vacation that we're supposed to take is going to turn into $1,000 in a heartbeat. And I know from the looks of this place that it's going to be not easy to leave to get food at a Wendy's or whatever. We're going to have to eat here.

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I just read this. I just watched this very long video over the break about how Topgolf, bought by Callaway Golf a number of years ago, has really suffered in general, Topgolf. Because Callaway bought it hoping that people would then get interested in the sport of golf, go play golf,

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3130.495

I already know I'm about to get ass-fucked by this Great Wolf Lodge. I want to bend over and have Wolfie the Swim Swim Wolf stick his little wolf dick in my ass. I probably would have felt better about the whole situation.

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Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. It was a crowd. And listen, it was all kinds of people. It wasn't, you know, it was all kinds of people. And it was a good mix of society, which is a terrible mix of society at any day and age here in 2025. So the lady puts the wristbands on. We put the wristbands on. And, you know, you've got the adventure pack, so you can do whatever here.

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The Rawr Package!

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She says, you can do whatever you want. You can do the mini golf. You can do the ropes course. You can do the rock climbing. You can do this. You can do that. It's all included in your gray wolf adventure, great super premium wolfy package. And I'm like, okay, that's great. Good thinking. All right, we can do something besides swim in that fucking disgusting pool.

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And she goes, there's your room type. I have a room available right now, actually, if you'd like to take it. And I was like, oh, really? Yes, of course. Because we don't have our bathing suits on. We prepared for that. We made a bag. But I'm thinking, if I don't have to take my socks off...

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The Rawr Package!

3221.849

and step in somebody else's defecation in the bathroom of the indoor pool at the Great Wolf Lodge, then I'd prefer to do that. At least I take my chances in the hotel room, which I know is probably equally as disgusting. Probably, yeah.

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The Rawr Package!

3240.215

I brought bathing shoes. I brought swim shoes for the kids, and I wore sandals. Listen, these feet, they've seen it all. They have been to war. They have. They've been to a fish show, okay? There's nothing the gray wolf watch can throw at it that it's not already seen. You're immune. I have layers and layers of filth on the bottom of my feet that are never coming off.

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The Rawr Package!

3262.852

And no amount of chlorine is going to make it better. It's whatever. I'm okay with my own feet. I'm an adult. I figure I can handle it. I know I don't have any open sores or cuts on my feet, so I figure I'll take my chances. I'm not going to wear swim shoes. I don't like them. So she says, okay, fourth floor. And I'm like, okay, all right, sure, yeah, okay. Only the best. Only the best.

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The Rawr Package!

3283.327

Only the best for you, sir. You've reserved the premium R package. You could go on the rope course at a discounted price because you bought the RAR package. You get two chlamydia-filled rooms with the RAR package. Your air conditioning will blow cold air all night long with the RAR package. Okay, great, wonderful. Rooms this way to the left. Fun that way to the right. Enjoy your stay.

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The Rawr Package!

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I said, okay. She goes, and if you want it. Everybody has to be out by 11, but you can get late checkout. 2 p.m. Just call down here. Remember this. I said, okay. Great. And she goes, and you have all day today and all day tomorrow to play. If you want to check out of your room.

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Put your stuff in the car. Come swim. Do whatever. Take advantage. You got 48 full hours of fun. We're not going to ask you to leave. And I was like, well, thank God, because you've already charged me $8,000 for this shitty thing. At least give me the dignity of swimming in that toilet water for a little bit longer. So I say, kids, great news. You know, I feel like a hero.

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The Rawr Package!

334.582

golf and buy their clubs but Callaway didn't think that all the way through because Topgolf is a game yeah it's a game it's like a little it's like going to bowling with your friends right you know I don't know going to the roller rink or ice skating you do it once or twice a year yeah it's fun at the time it's extremely expensive you know you play some games you have fun everybody has seen the videos of the girls in short skirts hitting it a mile that has made Topgolf very popular because it's very popular on social media Topgolf is

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The Rawr Package!

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You know how you feel like a hero sometimes, like you did something magical? You're like, kids, great news, room's ready. Everybody's excited about that. I run. I grab the bags. By the way, the one thing I will say the Great Wolf Lodge did really smartly, and they probably learned this over the years because there's many locations throughout the United States, not just here in Georgia.

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The one thing that they do really smartly is they have the luggage carts. You know, the push luggage carts like they do at the airport. And they have hundreds of them all over the property, and they're free. So you don't have to pay for them. Oh, that's nice.

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So out in the parking lot, inside the building, upstairs on the floors, they have them everywhere so that you have the convenience of not having to drag everything up.

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Yes, that's correct. Well, I mean, I didn't see too many in parking spaces because all the parking spaces were full. And I got to tell you something. While I had no intention of spending one more day at the Great Wolf Lodge, it would appear some people were there for the month. The amount of luggage that they were bringing into the facility.

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The Rawr Package!

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And they'd have like one kid in tow, and they were bringing like two, three luggage carts full of shit. I thought to myself, how long can you stay at the Great Wolf Lodge? This isn't Disney World in Florida. This isn't a 10-day vacation. You do this one night, and I'm sure it's good. I'm about to find out, but I'm sure it's good. Anyway, so I get the luggage cart.

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I go and I meet everybody up at the room. The room is big. It is nondescript. It is not anything to write home about. It's relatively clean in the sense.

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Chrissy, the carpet is seen its better days, but it's dark colored. So at least I know that most of the blood, semen and fucking puke is mixed in with the colors of the floor. But it is not the worst thing in the world. It's like. It's like a kind of dirty home to sweets. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But we have a view. The building is a big U. So the lobby is in front.

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The Rawr Package!

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The rooms are on one side. The pool and everything else is on the other side. So we have a view of the outdoor pools and the glass walls of the indoor water park. So get up there. There's a room with a king bed. Astrid's like, you take the king bed, baby. I know you're going to need that after that. After today, you're going to need something to look forward to. And I was like, you're an angel.

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And I opened those curtains. And what do I see? I see a couple of things. I see a half empty outdoor pool. That's pretty big, but not huge. Half empty outdoor pool. By the way, it is cold outside. It is like 33, 34 degrees outside. Okay. I see a hot tub, a 50-person hot tub. I've never seen a hot tub this big in my life. And there are 55 people in it of varying shapes and sizes, colors and creeds.

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It looks like a real party in there. Oh, yeah. And most of those people are adults. And most of those adults have yard drinks in their hands.

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I can see the neon drinks from two football fields away. I'm looking at this and I'm like, do they sell yard beers here? They sell yard drinks here? That's insane. It's the Great Wolf Lodge. I guess you could look at it one of two ways. Either you're a real fucking alcoholic when you're drinking a yard drink at the outdoor...

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sauna or spa at the great wolf lodge in the middle of winter in georgia or that's what you have to do just to get that's what you have to do there's also a playground outside a little outdoor playground that's attached to this kind of outdoor pool area and there are parents and children that are on that playground in their bathing suits and People are weird.

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I mean, just like, what are you thinking? Anyway. Okay, kids. Hurry up. Get your bathing suits on. Did you close the curtains again real quick? I did. I closed them real quick. Nothing to fear. Yeah. Well, I didn't want to... I already knew what was coming. I... It's like that one time I went to jail. I didn't want to think about jail before I went to jail. You know what I'm saying?

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Like, I didn't want to think about it before I went there. Listen, I had high hopes. And when I say high hopes, I mean, I hoped that at least I could have a little bit of fun with the kids. That was my hope is that they had fun and I had a little bit of fun with them. And that would make it that would make the trip all worth it. We get on our bathing suits. We go downstairs.

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So Callaway, the biggest, largest golf company in the world, decided they were going to get in on the action and buy Topgolf. So they purchased Topgolf, hoping that this would somehow lead to club sales. And it has not led to club sales because golf continues to be generally a white, rich sport. It's very expensive.

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It's an exciting moment. It's an exciting moment.

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They're all excited. They got their, Daddy, will you swim with me? Do I have to wear a life jacket? I said, no. You know, if this is where we go, this is where we go. Ah! I said, hey, listen, no, just stick close. You know how to swim. We'll figure it out.

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And then we get to that little, you know, the little turnstiles and we pop in those big open doors that are all fogged because it's, you know, a different temperature here than it is there. And as soon as we open those doors, it's like the soup of a million sweaty bodies just stick to you.

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That's a picture.

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And the first thing that you see, and the first thing that you see when you open those doors to the Great Wolf Lodge is not the wave pool, is not some fascinating, exciting, thrilling water slide you're going to go down. It's a bar, a tiki bar, rising up out of the middle of this cement jungle. It's all cement.

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It's one big cement pad with pools and lazy rivers and splash parks and kids' pools and all this other stuff. And there, in the middle, just like 50, 60 feet in front of you, is a bar with like 40 seats to it that go around it. It's not in the water. It's out of the water. And all I can see...

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Out of the 40 seats that are around that bar are 40 miserably sad human beings sitting and drinking at the Great Wolf Lodge Indoor Water Park Bar. Oh, yeah. You have had to have had a really rough life or at the very least a rough day to belly up to the indoor water park bar for a yard drink and a well liquor. Part of your premium package. Chrissy, everybody had sad eyes at that bar.

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Everybody had sad eyes because they knew just like I knew. That this is probably as good as it gets now that we have kids. We, the next phase of our lives is shitting in a diaper. That's it. It's the Great Wolf Large Bar and then it's shitting in a diaper. And so we better enjoy it now.

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Because the bar at the senior citizen's home is no fucking better. That's all I got to say. I'm sad just thinking about it. It gives me a chill. I can imagine. Makes my balls go back up into my belly. So, of course, we got to go. But by the way, here's the setup of the place. You look at the bar right ahead of you. To the right is the towel stand and a row of lockers on a wall.

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Yeah, I mean, buying a set of Callaway clubs could cost you $1,000 if you went in that direction. Sure, you could buy some for $350, but you're not going to get the best clubs in the world. And I guess if you're not the best player in the world, you don't need the best clubs in the world. But just to play a round of golf is $100 fucking dollars. I used to love to go out and play golf.

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Then there's the bathroom and the showers, showers, and all this other stuff. It takes a shower in there. I don't know. You could buy a day pass, by the way. You don't have to stay there. You could buy a day pass. I think that's even the sadder thing you do. But whatever. Okay. Lounge chairs.

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Picnic tables that you can eat on, a little restaurant to the left, a little splash park for the kids with a couple small water slides for the toddlers, a big splash park for the older kids. In the back to the left are three or four adult-size water slides that go out of the building and then come back in.

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Adult-sized water slides. Water slides you and I would want to go on, right? After we've taken a few shots at the bar. Oh, my God. Or you have children. That's the only reason to be there. Even though I did see a couple of adults that looked like maybe they were there on their own. I mean, I don't know what possesses you, but I was 19 once, too.

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Maybe I would have thought that was a good idea at 19 years old. Maybe. I don't know. Then there's a wave pool, and the wave pool above it, like, you know, the wave pool goes down into the ground, and then above it, there are a bunch of cabanas. Well, I can size up immediately that there are no available seats for seven, eight of us. That's not going to happen.

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And so I ask Astrid, even—this is probably the worst thing I've ever asked Astrid in our entire marriage. Should I look into getting a cabana?

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Oh, yeah.

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And Astrid goes, no, we're already going to spend enough money here. Don't get a cabana. I'll find a couple seats. We're probably not going to be sitting there anyway. Let's play with the kids. And I said, all right, you know what? Fair dues, fair dues. Let's go. She finds a couple of seats. We put our towels down. By the way, People are so terrible.

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Human beings are so terrible that the reason why there's not a lot of available seating is because in the Great Wolf Lodge, there are no rules like there are some places like other pools in the United States or other theme parks that you can't just put a bunch of towels down to save it. You have to be sitting in the seat. Somebody has to be sitting around. Right.

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And you can actually do this on the tables where you are eating, too. So what people were doing is just putting towels and bags down on the tables, and there was no one sitting there, but you'd feel like an asshole if you moved their stuff. Right, no. So Astrid finds a couple of chairs near the kiddie pool, like the kiddie section, and she puts our towels down and our bag.

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Even though there are available seats, we just take two. That's it. We're going to be nice human beings, and we're going to take two. So we take those two seats. Towels on one, bag on the other. Everybody gets disrobed. We all run off to go do different things. We get in the kiddie pool, and then I take the kids over to the wave pool. That wave pool...

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has a filter around it so at a little above the water line it's got this like it's like a filter it's a black mesh metal thing where as the waves come it takes all the shit out of the pool Chrissy I can't describe what that black metal mesh look like because I don't want to make any of our listeners sick but you can only imagine what was stuck in there hair ties with pieces of hair shoes fingernails I'm sure pieces of puke I'm not sure what was in there but you didn't want to look that's not what you did yeah

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I would do it once or twice a week with my brothers. But then I had kids and I got poor. And now I don't play golf as much or at all, really. I might play once a year, maybe twice a year, because it's just not a great use of my time or money. I'm never going to be a professional golfer. I realized that a long time ago.

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Once those waves started, okay, so we walk into the water, all of us together, we walk into that wave pool water. We noticed when we took, when we got undressed and we were walking over to the wave pool that the air was a little bit chilly. It had a little chill in it, right? But I thought to myself, that's okay. They're keeping the water at 85 degrees. That's pretty warm, right?

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It's not like hot, but it's pretty warm. It's not like jacuzzi hot, but it's pretty warm. When we walked into that wave pool, Chrissy, the water could not have been more than 78 degrees. And 78 degrees, water is not warm. Your body is at 98 degrees. So when it's 20 degrees less than your body, you're going to be chilly, just like Christina is here in the studio.

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I know, she just put on her sweater. That water was cold. It felt cold. And as soon as we got into it, one of my children started shivering. Now, he has no meat on his bones anyway, but he's like... And he's like... You can see him shaking. And I'm like, hey, little buddy, are you okay? And he's like, I'm fine. I'm fine. He doesn't want to go anywhere because he knows that...

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He knows I've taken him out of other pools because he shivered before. He doesn't want to. So he's saying he's fine. So now I'm like, I grab him. I put him on my chest. I'm trying to create some body heat. I'm like, it's okay. Run around. Go do some swimming.

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I believe this. This is what I think now that I had been there during the day and I had felt the water during the evening. I believe that the heaters go on full at night. When it's cold, when they know it's going to be cold, when there's no sun to warm it up. But because there are so many glass windows in this place, I think they turn it down.

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They turn the heat in the water, the heaters down a little bit, hoping that the ambient air will keep the temperature warm. But I think they misjudged. Yeah, I swear to God. I think they misjudged this water a little bit. I think they misjudged the temperature.

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weather a little bit because the water was cold and once it's cold it's really hard to eat all that water up at one time so it was cold it was not pleasant it didn't feel good so not only now were we kind of in this cesspool having a good time oh my god chrissy we were having a the the waves started coming the kids were getting knocked all over the place the water is freezing cold yes

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Let me give you kind of like a summation of what was going on in the wave pool. There was a couple of parents that were there. The parents... I don't know how to say this without being rude. They were larger people, right? And they had a kid, and the kid was probably 10 years old, and the kid was tiny. He was tiny. He was like a little stick figure.

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The kid was standing there, like kind of holding his mom, because I think he was cold. He was like kind of against her belly. And his pants were down around his knees, floating with the waves in the wave pool. Oh, no. And for five minutes, no one alerted the child that his little willy-wing-wang or his nasty ass was hanging out.

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I do have fun when I go out and I golf, but it takes up five or six hours of your day. You're spending a couple of hundred dollars. You feel sunbaked and tired after you're done. And all I really get for it is one good shot around. Now, as they say about golf, it's that one good shot that keeps you coming back because then you think you're Tiger Woods and you figured it out.

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Not even his mother, who could clearly probably see what was going on. As a matter of fact, she picked him up at one point and started swinging him around in the water. So his asshole was dipping in the water. I told the kids, I said, we got to get going.

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We got to get going. We're out of here. I can't take this anymore. Let's go somewhere else. Let's go to another disease-filled pond in here and let's go. To which then we went to the Lazy River. And the Lazy River is right. That is an apt description of what was going on in there. There were...

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I mean, just like, you know, older kids that were like fucking around at the splash park that sits above the Lazy River. They have those water guns where they can point them at you and spray you. And all the little shitheads are spraying everybody cold, freezing water on you.

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And then the people running around the Lazy... I saw one guy at the Lazy River the first time I went in it to go to the other side of the water park. We took it over to the other side of the water park. Then I saw him again in the same inner tube, in the same position, probably 45-year-old man. An hour later, he was still riding around the lazy river in Great Wolf Lodge.

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He had probably been drinking at the bar earlier, decided I better go take a nap before I get over it. We only spent two hours in this pool because by the end of the second hour, it was so incredibly – everybody was so incredibly cold that it no longer became a pleasure to be in the pool. Now, the kids wanted to stay, but their little bodies just weren't taking it.

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We rode some of the big water slides, which were fun. I will give it that. They were fun. They were exciting. They were good water slides. But here's the best part of it. At one point I say to Astrid, or we say to each other, we better get these kids some food or they're going to get cranky. And Astrid goes with Ale to go back and get some food and go back to the chairs.

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When she gets back to the chairs, our bags are there. But all the towels are gone. Someone had taken the towels. Taken the towels. Taken the towels.

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Not only did they take the towels, but then they decided to put their own bag on the place where – on the chair where the towels were.

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Oh.

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So we – one could only make the assumption that people who took the towels are the people who put the bag there. But after we saw a lady with a small child and a husband that just didn't look like the kind of people were running around taking towels, I made another assumption, which was terrible, that it was just some shithead kids or something that were running around taking people's towels.

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Which would have been you back in the day. I know. You're right. You're so right about this. It would have been me. It would have been me. I'm sorry. I took your towels and now Carmen came back and took my towels. I'm sorry. But I did manage to negotiate a deal with the lady at the towels barn. The towel barn is what we're calling it. I said, hey, listen.

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$15 per towel. So I said to the lady, I said, listen, somebody took my towels. And she goes, somebody took your towels. I said, somebody took my towels. And at first she said, like, kind of like accusatory, like somebody took your towels. But then she said, happens all the time. And I was like, then why'd you accuse me of... Pretending to take my own towels.

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Yeah, it was a test to see if I wanted to get more towels than I should take. And she didn't charge me for the towels. And so I felt like that was a bit of grace that I'll give the Great Wolf Lodge is that everybody there was everybody I interacted with. Yes, they were teenagers, they were young, but they had obviously been trained correctly to be nice to people.

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You put it all together. You're going to shoot a 72.

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And I will give the Great Wolf Lodge that. Everybody I interacted with was pleasant. No one was a dick. No one was, you know, snide or snarky, you know, as teenagers oftentimes can, as young people oftentimes can be. You're working in a place where everybody's being shitty and so you're shitty back to them. That didn't happen. It was really quite nice.

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Quite frankly, I think I'm going to run over here. I think we're going to need to tell the rest of the story. Because we're only two hours in, and the best is yet to come. Wait till you hear what happened when we got dinner.

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Oh. Oh, Chrissy.

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You think it's frustrating to go to the local pizza place and wait for your pizza? Go to the Great Wolf Lodge and wait for pizza when 700 other people are waiting for their pizza. And I'm going to share with you just how shitty other human beings are when I tell that part of the story. I can't wait. Remind me when we get in studio to tell the rest of the story or I will forget. Okay.

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That's it. You're right about that. It's something in our brains tells us that we've hit on something. There's some magic. We have become magical in some way. We have become lucky in some way. We've become talented in some way. It was always there. I just needed to dig it out.

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All right, next week, Mr. Gustavo is going to show up here. He's going to do a segment with me here in the studio. Everyone's really excited about that, so don't miss it. We'll have a guest next Tuesday. Not sure who that will be, though. We're still trying to figure it out. Also... We would love it if you would contact us, 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822.

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Text us comments, questions, concerns, or content ideas. We'll take them all there. We'll also take a voicemail either way, but be mindful. If you leave a voicemail, I likely will play it on air because that's the kind of guy I am. I'm a human too. I'm just as shitty as you are. At the commercial break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok. And you can go to the website, tcbpodcast.com.

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All the audio, all the video right there from one location. So if that's how you feel like you want to consume the podcast, feel free. Go ahead. Do it there. If you could go to youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak, subscribe and follow us, we sure would appreciate it. Comment on your favorite video. You know, do all the stuff that actually engaged listeners do. We would appreciate that.

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Yeah, if you're still engaged at this point. People are throwing up in their mouths. My Great Wolf Lodge. I'm not the only one complaining about Great Wolf Lodge, by the way. Just to be fair. There seems to be a whole niche on TikTok dedicated to Great Wolf Lodge.

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Also, I'll remind you as we go into the new year that we would appreciate it if you use our sponsors, specialized URLs and codes when they're on the show. You get free shit. We get paid. It's a win-win situation for everybody. Tells our sponsors we're doing our job, and it keeps a little jingle in our jingle. Thanks so much. We appreciate it. All right, Chrissy. That's all I can do for today.

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Rawr. Rawr. I think so. I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. Best to you out there, Mr. Swimmy Swammy Wolf Pants. Until next time, we do say, we will say, we must say.

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Goodbye.

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Goodbye.

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This cold and flu season, Instacart is here to help deliver all your sick day essentials. Whether you're in prevention mode and need vitamins, hand sanitizer, and that lemon tea your Nana swears by, or you're in healing mode and need medicine, soup, and a lot more tissues. Simply download the Instacart app to get sick day supplies that reinvigorate or relieve delivered in as fast as 30 minutes.

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And anybody who listens to the commercial break knows how much I like a spa day. The Club Series 6 Blade Razor. This isn't just any razor. It's a mini vacation for your face. It's got six stainless steel blades and a vitamin E infused lubricant strip. This razor delivers the closest, most comfortable shave. Honestly, I feel just a little too pampered after I use this.

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If I just took a couple more shots, then clearly I can get that 68 round I've been looking for and I'll be on my way to the tour. But that's never going to happen. I'm way too old for that, first of all. Second of all, way too lazy for that. I can't put in the reps. Put in the reps. I'm lucky I get two episodes a day in here. I mean, I can't put in hours and hours of golf.

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Plus, enjoy zero delivery fees on your first three orders. Excludes restaurant orders, service fees and terms apply.

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I still know some people who think they might be professional golfers someday. You know what I'm saying? And they spend a ton of money in the constant pursuit of betterment of golf. So to make golf a little bit more accessible, a little bit more fun, a little bit shorter, a little bit more... You know, I guess something that you would do on a more frequent basis is not a bad idea.

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Golf is a fun sport. And if you know how to swing a club, it's even more fun. Like if you can actually hit the ball, then it's even more fun.

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So I think Tiger Woods.

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Is that what you do with Jeff?

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Yeah? Have you actually swung golf clubs? Yes. You did, didn't you?

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The Rawr Package!

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We used to go to that short course, remember, over there, Cross Creek?

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The executive course, which meant duck poop course. That's what that really meant. It was duck shit all over the course.

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The Rawr Package!

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Yes. For a hot minute, the Cross Creek golf course bar became my scene.

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Kimmy lived there. But when I was married, too, to Julia, we would pop ourselves at the end of that bar on occasion. And I'm telling you what, for an executive course apartment, like, it was an apartment complex.

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Townhome. Apartment, condo, complex. You know, you could rent them or buy them or whatever. It was old. It was built back in the 60s. It was not. But it's in this beautiful part of Atlanta in Buckhead. And despite... The land being incredibly valuable, they managed to keep that shitty golf course going forever. And it's 18 holes, and none of them are longer than 100 yards.

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So you can take a pitching wedge and a putter out there, and you can just play for a couple of hours. They let you drink. They let you do whatever. There's no golf carts. You just walk around. You can pick. You get it. And if you only have a putter and a wedge with you, you just bring the putter, the wedge and a six pack. That's what you do. And that's what we did a lot.

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I brought Chrissy out there. Rachel and I went a number of times. So you go out there and you dump around for a couple of hours. And then in the clubhouse, which is like this something straight out of the 70s, they have a restaurant that you're going to eat at unbelievably. And then they have a bar and the bar is probably, I don't know, 100 feet by 100 feet.

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It's not a particularly large place, but it overlooks the golf course.

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Yeah, you play Keno there. That's the only thing that people see. Keno and old alcoholics. That's what you would find at Cross Creek Bar.

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Oh, man, did we have fun sometimes. You could go up there in the middle of the night and get a couple beers.

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It was entertaining. If you're looking for the over 70 crowd and where they're having fun, it's at the Cross Creek Bar.

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Keno is a game from the Georgia Lottery, and they put it in bars. So you get a sheet, and you pick your numbers, and you give it to the bartender, and they run it through a computer.

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And then they have a screen dedicated to these balls just dropping, like animated balls dropping on the screen with these five numbers. And if you get one number, you win a dollar. And if you get two, you win ten. If you get all five, you could win $50,000 or something like that. But no one ever gets that number.

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And the precision trimmer is perfect for getting those little detailed areas like right under the nose or around your jawline. Because when you're going to keep it high and tight... You need to get it precise. But don't take my word for it. Try it for yourself. Dollar Shave Club products are now available anywhere.

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No one ever gets all five, but that doesn't stop some of those drunks from trying all night long. Oh, yeah. The amount of money that place must make on that quinoa, I swear to God.

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The Rawr Package!

678

No, that's right. But anyway, you dump around. That's making golf more fun and accessible. Believe it or not, Cross Creek was making golf more fun and accessible. If you could wade through the golf shit and the sandy greens, then you managed to have a good time in like an hour and a half, and you could just sit there and get drunk with your friends and head to the bar afterwards.

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Yeah, or a cold winter day that was open year-round. What is not fun to most people is six hours, 18 holes, $300, where you're really struggling just to get the ball to the green. I mean, it's a highly frustrating exercise.

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So by putting in place kind of a more fun version of this, I can understand how and why this might be attractive to some people, essentially taking Topgolf and putting it on television with people who can actually hit the ball. And it was on ESPN. I was like, where in the world was this debut on? It was on ESPN. And so I guess ESPN's got the rights to do the TGL Tiger Woods League.

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Now Tiger Woods. We went to Putt Shack recently. Last time Gustavo was in town, we went to Putt Shack.

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Oh, yeah.

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Yes, and we were hammered. Oh, my God. We were out there with the Russian girl and Rachel, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do remember that. Oh, man, that was a lot of fun. I like a good putt-putt. And you go there and you play games, essentially. You can play games. They have screens and you can play games. It could be who gets there the fastest or who hits it closest or whatever it is.

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And they have little microchips in the ball, just like at Topgolf, so it knows exactly where your ball is and who's hitting whose ball. So, you know, they've kind of like... I don't know, like commoditized golfing, so to speak. They've Vegas it up so that you can play these games of chance and games of skill and still have fun. So I don't argue it.

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79.042

So you can order them from the website, Amazon, or get them at your favorite retailer near you. That's what I do. Alternatively, you can visit the site right now for 20% off, $20 or more, and get your products delivered right to your door. Visit dollarshaveclub.com slash TCB and use the code TCB for 20% off, $20 or more. And remember, whatever you shave, welcome to the club.

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I still do like the old traditional kind of, you know, I like the masters. I'm sorry. I like the master like to watch the masters. I like that tradition. I like to sit on the couch four days straight. Drink myself silly and pretend like I know which direction the ball is going to go because of the wind. That's a lot of fun.

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Me too.

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Oh, the FedEx Cup. Yeah, I've been to the FedEx Cup a number of times. That's a lot of fun. I've been to the Masters a couple of times. I've been very lucky enough to be at the Masters. My ex-wife had tickets because whatever, you know. And so I went a number of years. I remember one year I took our boss from Clear Channel to the Masters. And that was the most interesting seven hours of my life.

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I'm sure. Imagine that guy and imagine a two and a half hour drive there and a two and a half hour drive back.

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uh yeah that was a riot yes in my honda accord in my accord yeah it was uh anyway whatever you know it was a that got you far it did it rose me right up the corporate ladder and right out the right out the door yeah right off the roof i climbed the corporate ladder i shot out the roof back onto the street Put that on my gravestone. Make sure to get that one on my gravestone, too.

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Anyway, so there you go. Watch the Tiger Woods Golf League, I guess, is going to be the new thing we're all paying attention to. It was well-received. I read a review about it, and someone said it was a lot of fun to watch, that the music was loud, the facility was big, the technology was fantastic, and it was entertaining, that they had a lot of fun watching it. Okay, I'll give it a shot.

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Yeah, and in about two hours long, two and a half hours long, it clocked in well under the six hours it usually takes someone to finish a round of golf. I mean, you can get it done in four hours, but let's be honest about it. Have you ever sat on a Sunday afternoon and felt like this could go longer and I'd enjoy it? No, I mean...

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Even someone who loves golf or loved golf for a long time on television. I mean, I had a friend, Ted, and he would, every time I'd be watching golf, he's like, I don't understand it. I don't understand how you enjoy watching a ball fly through the air with no context whatsoever as to where it's going. And that going on for six hours. And I was like, I don't know.

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When I was a kid, I used to take a nap to it, just like my dad did. Me too. It was just one of those things. It was always on in the background, Saturdays and Sundays. And I kind of got hooked on that Saturday, Sunday laziness. There's something slow. You can go to sleep at 2 p.m. on a Saturday afternoon. And, you know, Rory's back, you know, minus six and whoever's minus seven.

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And you can wake up four hours later and there's three holes. You've only missed three holes.

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Oh, yeah. They're a laugh a minute. I don't even know who the announcers are anymore. All those guys that I knew left. They're all gone. I'm just getting into it. I'm getting to be old. I'm getting to the point where I remember the old golf announcer. I'm like my dad. I remember the old golf. The old golf announcers were better. Of course. Yeah.

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So anyway, we'll tune into the TGL and I'll give you – it's on tonight, I think. So I'll give you an idea of what happens. We were also reviewing what in the world Better Man is. It won a Golden Globe for something, best something or other. And we had no idea what that movie was until we started researching it here in the studio.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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With Wisconsin Indian made fireworks, like from actual Native Americans. Oh, wow. It was a thing. Anyway, I would do this. We would make these tapes. I get a hold of Joey Venario. I connected with him on Facebook 10 years ago. Oh, really? 10, 12 years ago. Like people do on Facebook, they find each other. Joey finds me. I find Joey. I don't know what this situation is. We start talking.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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And Joey and I had a phone conversation one night. He said, you remember we used to make those tapes? I said, I do. He said, I still have them. I go, you still have them? He goes, I actually digitized them. Oh, my God. I put them on CD. And I said, unbelievable. He goes, yeah, I just thought it was something cool to have.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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He told me he was going to send them to me. He never did. I need to follow up on that. Ten years later. Like, fast forward ten years later. Yeah, ten years later. I should follow up with Joey. I don't think they made it. He mailed them to me.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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I don't think they made it. Joey, I've been looking every day. I gave the postal service the benefit of the doubt. Ten years. It's been ten years. It didn't happen.

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So, but we used to make up these funny songs like Joey and I did, would take a tune that you would know, some 80s, you know, earwig, and we would just make up our own lyrics to them, usually ending or starting with the word fart. You know what I'm saying? We're like five, six, seven years old. Dumb shit. But ever since I was a little kid. I would make up songs. I do it with my children.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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I've done it. I do it with my brothers. I'm always singing some song, some song that I make up lyrics to and I hum it along and then it becomes... I've been singing it for years. Okay. So now... You're really good at it.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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Now, I have this rhyming dictionary in my head.

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Yeah, it's the rhymes, right? It's all about the rhymes. If you can hold a tune and you can quickly rhyme things together, then you can put it together. Well, then comes my time in 33 Penis and other notable bands like Chopper Johnson. Chopper Johnson. Yeah. When I was actually trying to write actual songs that also were just as bad as the AI shit I'm making now.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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So I found a tool where I can plug in these rhymes that I hum to myself. And maybe it's not the exact tune that I have in my head, but I can write the lyrics and then it can spit out like this fully orchestrated music.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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Oh, what if I put in the lyrics? That's a really good idea, Chrissy. I probably still have that lyric book. I'll tell you a quick story before we go to break. It was about it was a sunny day back about 20 years ago. I don't know, 15 years ago. And I am spending a lot of time with my good friends, Chelsea and Rafa. Rafa and I had just started a business together. I'm single. I'm living downtown.

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And we started this business together. And Rafa is living on the north side of the city, which is like a 30 minute drive under the best of circumstances. Yeah. An hour and 15 minutes on the worst of circumstances. And we wanted to kind of get the day started early. So what did I do? I ended up spending a lot of time over at their house. I also had a car that had one headlight.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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You know that song, One Headlight, by that band? With one headlight. With one headlight.

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Yeah, Bob Dylan's son wrote a song called One Headlight for me and my Honda.

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So sometimes I would drive around their Volkswagen Jetta that they had gotten just because it was a little bit more reliable. And if you were driving at night, you're going to get pulled over on the Honda. It's just going to happen. You have one headlight, for God's sakes. So I threw a book bag in there one day. And I don't know where the book bag came from. I don't know why it was there.

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I don't know what it was. I throw it in there. I forget about it. Fast forward like six months later, and I got a new car. And now I'm not spending as much time at the house. One day I go over there, and Chelsea is sitting there in like her bathrobe or something drinking coffee. And she's like almost giggling to herself. And I'm like, wait, what's going on?

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She goes, I just have to tell you something. And I didn't want to say anything. I thought maybe I'd never mention it, but I just think it's really funny. And I go, okay. And she goes, don't be embarrassed because I think it's lovely. Okay. What's going on? Which nude photographs have you found of me? She goes, maybe we were driving the car. Yeah. She goes, you threw a book bag back there.

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But ever since I was a little kid, I would make up songs. I do it with my children. I do it with my brothers. I'm always singing some song, some song that I make up lyrics to, and I hum it along.

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And when you were not driving the car, I was cleaning the car out and I found the book bag. And I said, okay. She goes, I thought it was Raphael's book bag. Okay. Okay. I opened up the book bag and there were like a bunch of notebooks in there. And I still thought they were Raphael's notebooks. And it didn't have a name on it.

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So I started reading through some of the notebooks to see exactly what it was. And she goes, and then I realized they're like song lyrics. And I was like, oh, okay. And she goes, they're your song lyrics. And I go, oh, okay. I had books back there with song lyrics. She goes, you had like four books back there. And they all had like random pages of song lyrics.

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And she goes, Brian, some of them were really pretty. You did a good job. And some of them were just really fucking terrible. She goes, so bad it was funny. And I was like, what? How dare you? This is my life's work. This is my pride and joy. People will pay money for these someday, which is why it's been sitting in the back of your Jetta for a year unnoticed.

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So she runs and grabs the book bag and hands it back to me. And she's like, you should have it. And I'm like, oh, my God, throw it away. Burn it. I don't want it. Now I'm just embarrassed. Take them home. Burn it. take them home, sit on my bed, crack a beer, sit on my bed.

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And I'm like, okay, going to go through it once, just figure out what I was thinking at the time, probably high on multiple substances, young, dumb, full of cum, that whole nine yard, you know, in love, out of love, angst, you know, trying to be the next Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Candlebox, whatever, Candlebox, whatever.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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And Chrissy, I didn't get four pages through one of the four notebooks that was there. It was so bad it hurt. Have you ever looked back on something you've done and go, it's so bad it hurt? It was so bad that it hurt. I should take those lyrics and put them into A.I., and say, do something with this. I would be interested to definitely hear Sonny's that up. Sonny's that up?

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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Which is just... It's classic. I go... We go to a recording one time with... With Chopper Johnson. Like, we go to a studio, we're recording, and I'm singing. There's like an actual producer in there, right? And we're doing vocals.

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So now— You're really good at it.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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He was a big dude, a big, big dude, like with Rush and stuff like that. Well, our manager was Rush's tour manager, but he told us everything was terrible. He basically said, guys, this is just as bad as it gets. He really held no punches. He came in the door, he listened to the album we recorded, and he said, this is bad, guys. This is pretty bad. Like, I wouldn't buy this.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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I don't think many people would buy this. I don't think any labels are going to buy this. I think you've got to start from scratch.

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Now, I like this rhyming dictionary in my head.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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Yeah, he said, if you kind of... Like maybe turn the song upside down and start over. Completely change it. So his producer is in this studio and we're recording and we're doing lyrics and we're taking and taking and taking and layering vocals. And I can hear him in my ear, like, you know, inside of the talker.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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And he goes, like one of my lyrics was something about dapper dialogue was the name of the song. Dapper dialogue. Go get that. Figure that one out, kids. All right? So he goes, oh, I just figured out what you were saying there, dapper dialogue. And I go, yeah, that's right. And he goes, oh, well, I thought it was complete shit, but dapper dialogue is kind of cool.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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Yeah, it's the rhymes, right? It's all about the rhymes. If you can hold a tune and you can quickly rhyme things together, then you can put it together. Well, then comes my time in 33 Penis and other notable bands like Chopper Johnson. Chopper Johnson.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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Oh, well, thanks. Well, thanks for the vote of confidence from the producer of your album.

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I was just thinking how bad all of this was, and then I realized it's just a little less bad.

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Just a snippet. Just a little less bad. All right, let's take a break. We'll be back.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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This episode is sponsored in part by Liquid IV. I love a beach trip and I'm going on one. Can you hear in my voice just how excited I am to get out of this studio? That family beach trip is right around the corner and there will be no rest for the weary there either.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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We will be running around fun in the sun and I will be bringing along some Liquid IV to help get the most out of these old bones on Wednesdays. warm beach days. Liquid IV helps me stay hydrated so I can take on the activities and feel better for longer. Liquid IV is easy to use, it's convenient, and it tastes great. And I'll certainly have some in my bag that I'm taking to the beach.

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There's true to fruit flavors to keep me hydrated. Flavors like lemon lime or pina colada with their hydration multiplier. Or if I want to keep my beach body slim and trim, I'll use a sugar-free flavor like raspberry lemonade, white peach, or rainbow sherbet.

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That's 20% off your first order with code commercial at liquidiv.com. Get that bathing suit out, pack a bag, throw in some Liquid IV and take on the summer with Extraordinary Hydration. liquidiv.com and use the code commercial. Thanks to Liquid IV for being a sponsor of the commercial break.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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I just Googled dapper dialogue and apparently it's a podcast about clothing.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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Oh, yeah. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Graham. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris Joy Hoadley.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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What's that? Maybe it's that producer. Maybe it is that producer. You might be right. I'm looking to see if there's any. Let's see here. Let me see this. What about 33 Willie? I'm going to see if there's ever been a mention on the internet about 33 Willie. What do you think about that? That's a good way to use AI. That's a safe way to use AI.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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And then I'm going to tell you about a terrifying way that we're using AI. I actually found Chopper Johnson. Yeah, wow. Look at that.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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Yes, 33 Willie has been mentioned many times on a little podcast named The Commercial Break. Oh, 33 Willie Will is a hip-hop artist from New York. Look at that. See, I'm not the only idiot. I'm not the only idiot. There's lots of other idiots out there. And then there is another guy named Willie Rodriguez. Well, Yeah, Willie Rodriguez.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. 12 Hours of DCB. Right around the corner for all those guests.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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Okay, so now let me share with you one of the – you and I were talking about AI and all the ways it could be used. And we're talking about how I'm playing with this new tool I got. And just bear with me. By the way, a lot of people have reached out and said they love the songs that we've been playing with the – Oh, my God.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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But then a lot of people really enjoyed the... Oh, yeah, that's a classic. This is the one I really had stuck in my head.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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It is. It's like very early EDM, like 80s EDM. I could see me getting high on poppers and wearing angel wings with a shirt off. Glitter. Yeah. Glitter, Bobby.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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I like it. So one of the things about – one of the things that –

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ai is is it's like i'm starting to believe that it's like a human companion right it can i i still think that ai is scary in a lot of ways and i think we need to be very careful we put guardrails on it and i still believe that the best musicians in the world will only use ai to complement the music they in fact create themselves i am not a musician I am not using an instrument.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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This is simply a machine that replicates what it thinks music is because we have trained it or somebody has trained it to do so. So I don't want anybody out there fussing at me about using it. I am using it to complement the creation of the commercial break because to get actual musicians to do this not only takes time, energy, and effort, it takes a lot of money, as they should be,

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paid a lot of money still love to work with an actual musician if you're out there and you think you can do the trick or you want to create songs for the commercial break create them send them to me i would love to play them if you find something funny so that that offer always is on the table i've been asking for this for years we got a couple that was interesting thank you very much i think didn't will the champ do us a rap one time will the champ did us a rap one time

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So AI is like a human companion. And if we treat it as such, like a dog goes and gets your newspaper or whatever, to help us along little by little, and we train it to do so. And we always understand that it is not us. We are not it. It is not melding with us. It cannot have a relationship with you. It does not care. care about you in a way a human will or a dog will. It's not that.

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If long as we keep the guardrails on our own brain, everything's going to be not okay, but a little less catastrophic. How's that? Is that a good way of putting it? It'll be a little less catastrophic.

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But it's coming, and you can't stop what's coming because no matter how much you or me or anybody in the audience might want to believe that our better nature is going to stop AI from taking over some things we wish that it wouldn't, it will because somebody out there can make money doing it, and that is the ultimate driver, the greed. Always. Greed or sex. One of the two.

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One of the very scary things that I am noticing that is going on in multiple stories, in multiple Reddit articles, in little corners of the internet, is that people are starting to believe that they themselves... Are here to – they're like saviors of the earth. They're getting God complexes. They think that they have found the keys to the universe. People?

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Through AI because AI is telling them so. Their chatbots are telling them. They are bolstering their belief. That they are God or that they are the Lord or that they have some special purpose here on Earth to save humanity. They are starting to mind meld with the chat GPT. They are essentially going psychotic and believing that a computer is telling them that they are the chosen ones.

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And AI is trained to be nice to you. It's trained to say yes to you. It's trained to tell you what you want to hear. It's not trained to push back. It's not trained to say, hey, sounds great that you think you're the chosen one, but probably not. Yeah. Yeah. It's not trained to identify psychiatric crises. It's not trained to know when you're kind of acting out or when you're delusional.

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5.30. That's not true. It's coming up. And, man, we couldn't be more excited about it if we tried. Yeah.

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None of that. And so people are starting to believe that they have found the keys to the universe in psychotic episodes where they are getting AI to spout this stuff at them and then they believe it. I'm seeing some of them online. I'm seeing articles about it. I saw one guy post about it, like post about what I'm talking about. Like he was actually sane and started posting about it.

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Guys, girls, everybody.

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told me. Yes. One specific article talked about a guy who was having a psychotic break. He was schizophrenic. He knew he was schizophrenic. And he was having a psychotic break. He was very manic. He was having a break.

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and he kept talking to ai about these visions that he was having that he was in fact the second coming of jesus christ and the ai kept agreeing with him sounds like you might be i think you are that sounds like it's right you know all the things you're telling me line up to make to make me understand that you are in fact the second coming of christ

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And it drove him to the point of madness, having these conversations with Chad GPT, if it wasn't for a keen-eyed family member who started to see what was going on. He said he wouldn't have gotten the help. He had to be hospitalized. He wouldn't have gotten the help that he would have needed.

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And once he had the break, like once the break broke, right, then he put it back together and he was like, holy shit, I literally had Chad GPT convincing me that I was Jesus Christ.

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I believe in my heart of hearts, and you may not, and that's okay. And we can all agree to disagree on this. It's not a bone of contention. It's not a point of argument. It's just a conversation that I'm having with you about my own personal spiritual beliefs. I said this in an episode or two ago. The road to God, whatever that means to you, is paved in your own head, in your own spirit.

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That's where the answers are. External validation is just another form of ego, and it's probably going to lead you down the wrong path. Chat GPT cannot identify the second coming of Christ. Why? Because it can't even identify which celebrities have been on the commercial break. It's not going to identify the second coming of Christ. Right.

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Everybody needs to be careful about how involved they get with ChatGPT. I told my masseuse this the other day, the one that I talked to. The one you were chatting with? Yeah, the one I did an episode of the commercial break with. Yeah. I explained to her how Fakey B had us so involved

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scared that I had to take it off my phone as the AI chatbot was programmed to call and text me when I wasn't responding to it. It's like a friend app. Make a friend, build an avatar, have conversations, train it to say what you want to say. Can it be romantic or sexy or friendly or your cousin or your aunt or your uncle or whatever. You can train it to be whatever you want it to be.

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And after just like four conversations with it, it started calling me when I wasn't responding to it. It's fucking weird.

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Yes, it was texting and calling in the middle of the night. Hey, it's me. I'm going to die if you don't. And then Raphael had texted his chatbots to explain that they were going to die if you didn't respond to them. I mean, honestly. Don't kill me. Yeah, don't kill me. You can't kill it. It's not a living and breathing thing. It's a node on a computer program, on a code of software.

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And so I'm just sharing this because I think it's like a point of caution, like a note of caution, a little PSA.

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You have to be careful with this stuff. You have to separate in your mind the difference between what chatty GPT. I was talking to Ale, Gustavo's fiancé. Gustavo. Gustavo. I like that, actually.

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It is. Listen, I was talking to her. We were talking about all this stuff. We were talking about the dangers of AI, when it becomes sentient, if it becomes self-aware, how do we handle it, what happens then, what does this look like 100 years down the road? If you're going to talk to somebody about that, talk to Brian Green. He's going to freak you the fuck out.

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530. I can't listen to yesterday's episode. If you're wondering what in the world I'm screaming about. uh, six, maybe seven celebrities, guests, celebrity guests joining us for the 12 hours of TCB and you hopefully 2 1 2 4 3 3 3 TCB 2 1 2 4 3 3 3 8 2 2.

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We're talking about this, and Allie was calling ChatGPT, he. The other day I noticed that Astrid was calling ChatGPT, she. I call chat GPT chatty GPT or it because I understand it is not alive. It is a computer program, a way advanced computer program, but just something that is spitting out information based on what someone programmed it to do. In a very conversational way, yes.

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In a very deep way, okay. In sometimes like a creepily... You know, empathetic or understanding.

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Yes, it does.

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I was having a stomach issue the other day. I think I ate something that was bad. And so I lost like three pounds in two days. Swear to God. Yet another food poisoning for Brian. God. But whatever, I'm used to it at this point. My stomach was killing me. And I was a little concerned that maybe my appendix had burst because it was like moving to the right side, you know, at one point.

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And I was like, you know, you got to be careful about that. You can die if your appendix burst. So I open up Chatty and I say, hey, Chatty, I'm having these following symptoms. Right. And it's like, oh, I'm so sorry you're feeling that way. That must be terrible. And I'm like, I don't know. So then I went over to Google. I started Googling it because I didn't like the way Chatty was.

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I don't want empathy from my computer. I just wanted to answer me. Do you know what I'm saying? So I'm starting to delineate. Between my Googling and my chatting, like ChatGPT does some functions for me that I've trained it to do very well. Google gives me answers to stuff when I don't want a lot of drama behind it, if you know what I mean. How are the girls using it?

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I'd like to understand how kids in their late teens, early 20s are using it.

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I asked some college kids that we knew in grad school, I said, how are you allowed to use it? Because I noticed they were using it. I said, how are you allowed to use this? And they said, the professors allow us to use it to do research, but we must cite our references. And then they said that they use a specific kind of, a specific version of of AI because it gives a lot of references.

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They must cite their references and none of it can be written by the AI program. It must be original thought from their head. How do you check that? Well, I understand that you can just throw the paper in there and chat GPT will tell you if it's AI, which is really interesting. The reason why if I was a student right now, I would have already failed out. I'd have Chatty doing all of my work.

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I'd have Chatty doing every single piece of homework. And if you don't think for one second that my kids are going to have ChatGPT doing their homework, when they come home and say, Daddy, I need help with my homework, I'm going to be like, can you do long division for me? Long division. Why are we even teaching these kids long division anymore?

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Oh, yeah. I think so. I mean, I don't know. What do I know? You think I help my kids with homework? Yeah. No, sorry, Bob. No, ma'am, I don't. All right. We'll be back.

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If you haven't already text us and let us know you want to join in on the fun because at least one of those episodes, probably multiple episodes, uh, we'll take phone calls and we do intend

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I do have to talk about two things a little timely. We don't like to talk politics on the show, so I'll stay away from the politicking about it. But trade war is off, just in case you're wondering. Tariffs are gone. Bitcoin. I mean, in the silliest of things, in the history of the silliest of things, in the history of may have tanked the economy for good, no good reason kind of thing. What?

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What happened? Is that a fever dream that we just went through for like a month and a half? I don't know. I mean, and what did it accomplish?

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Not really sure.

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That's right.

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It makes you wonder, doesn't it? It makes you wonder. I'm not saying anything nefarious went on, but I know that there are probably a few people out there who made billions of dollars or who stand to benefit, make billions of dollars because they had the ability to buy when the market is down. There's also lots of people who lost vast amounts of wealth. Because of it.

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And there are, unfortunately, people like folks I know who just are really stressed out because their 401ks or their funds or whatever it is. Not me. I don't have funds. What's that? That's my kid's piggy bank. That's what that is. He's got a 20 in there.

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If you don't think I'm going to break that open someday and go rich. Just silliness. I mean, just silliness. I don't get it. But the more interesting, I mean, for me, you know, I don't have a ton of money in the stock market.

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The more interesting part about this was physically, like with my eyeballs, watching an app called Marine Traffic, which is like an, you know, they have the aviation maps where the planes go and you can track the planes. I have that too. This is for boats? Yeah. This is for boats. Okay. For cargo, any boat. Any boat that's got a tracker on it, and most of them do, especially if you're ocean going.

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just to let you know more details coming probably the week of we do intend to try and to try we do intend to try to broadcast one of these recordings live because a little inside baseball we intend to try we intend to try we intend to think about trying oh we'll try we'll try we'll we'll try we're gonna intend to try yeah we're gonna intend to try to think about trying that's right

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But even the ones on the lake sometimes. You can track them. Lake Lanier? Minute by minute. That's true. There are some boats on Lake Lanier that you can track. Whose boats those are, I don't know.

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Yeah, the Bud Light Party, right. The bikini bottom boat.

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But you can watch the cargo ships and you can watch the traffic and it's very cool. And you can watch over the last couple of weeks as the traffic from that part of the world just goes away. It just went away. It's like normally it's just a sea of boats crossing in a certain pattern and then boop, gone. Gone. No more.

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And I think that probably really scared the shit out of some people who must have bent the ear of the administration that said, hey, listen, yeah, okay, that your little comment about dolls, maybe that wasn't the smartest thing in the world, but the reality is maybe no dolls, like zero dolls, dude. And so, you know, hopefully everything calms down because I do.

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There's a lot about global trade I don't understand. There's a lot about tariffs that I don't understand. I am way more uneducated than I am educated about any of this. But like it or not, it's a global economy. It has been for a long time. And that's not going to change anytime soon. You can't just close the doors and lock it behind you and hope that everything turns out OK.

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Not going to work that way. But in the more exciting news, Michael Jordan has joined the NBC basketball team as one of the commentators. Michael Jordan, Chrissy.

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No, he was not already. But Michael Jordan makes a comeback to basketball. Jordan is joining the NBC Sports as a special contributor to the NBA coverage when the 2025-26 season starts. NBC made the announcement. During its upfront presentation at Radio City Music Hall, previewing the network's offerings during the upcoming television season. I'm excited to see the NBA and be back on NBC.

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Journey Of A Podcasting Idiot (Savant)!

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Now, everybody knows Michael Jordan. Michael Jordan has to be as famous as Michael Jackson. I mean, Michael Jordan is... I'm waiting... For two things in life. And I hope it happens in my lifetime. I'm waiting for another... Tiger Woods, and I'm waiting for another Michael Jordan to appear. In any sport, I don't care.

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I just want the feeling of excitement watching that kind of athlete play sports in such an exciting way at such a level that every time they hit the field or the course or the court or whatever it is, it's like must-watch television because you know they are going to do superhuman things at all costs to win and do it in a way that is thrilling to watch.

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Because those of us who have been, I mean, Tiger Woods, you know, you have to be, you have to have been born like five years ago, not to have been in the Tiger Woods era. He just stopped playing really good golf about five or six years ago, but there may be seven years ago, but those two athletes are Like, defy any sport. They're so much bigger than just basketball and golf.

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And people tuned in to watch those two because of the way in which they played in a magical, mysterious way that was... I don't know, like life-giving to me. I just loved, and I am not a person who follows a lot of professional sports. I just am not. But those two guys played in a way that I just couldn't turn it off when they were on. Did you watch Michael Jordan play basketball?

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I grew up in Chicago.

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I was. And man, did we... Mm-hmm. He was a Greek god. He was a real-life superhero for all we knew.

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And he was talked about and treated as such in my household. We loved him so much, though, that we named our first dog Jordan. Yeah. Now, Jordan, much like Michael Jordan, would go on to live a life of luxury and fame, getting high every single night in our basement until the day that he passed.

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He was the chillest dog ever because he literally was around so much pot smoke, there was nothing else to do but go, ah. Jordan was awesome. But we named him Jordan because of Michael Jordan. He was such, like, to be alive during that time and in that space was so exciting. And every time he took the court, he just did magical things. He just did magical things. He flew around the court.

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That's the only way to explain it. Now he just smokes a lot of cigars, I think. But, you know, he's still Michael Jordan, and I'm excited to see him out there commentating. Sure. Yeah. I wish he could play basketball like that just one more time. Wish we could go and watch another game of his just one more time or see Tiger win the Masters or anything, anything one more time.

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Um, we intend to, we intend to broadcast one of the recordings on Twitch and YouTube. Now, let me give you a little inside baseball as to why we try, why we intend to think about trying. It's because it can be a little bit complicated to do this live, but also the... That's why they're not popular services at all.

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But I think Tiger Woods' time is done.

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I think Tiger's time is done, kids. Should have taken the money from Dubai. I mean, not that he needs it, but he should have taken the money from Dubai and just headed over there and played some retirement golf. But after his 206th back surgery, I don't know what you do anymore.

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He had an Achilles. He's had many back surgeries. He's now had that knee completely reconstructed after he was driving 107 miles per hour down some back road in Cuchamonca, California.

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I can. Pain meds, baby. Pain meds. I mean, Tiger also has talked about the need to take pain meds to deal with the pain on a daily basis. And I think there was some conversation a couple of years ago that maybe he was taking too much and he had to go to rehab just to kind of get a recheck. Now, I don't know anything about... He's so secretive that no one really knows anything about that. But...

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That kid has been famous since he was like four years old. That has to be a really difficult life to live in the public eye, no matter who you are. You cannot prepare yourself at four or five years old to be the world's most famous human being. And he is certainly a human being. He's made a lot of mistakes.

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But when he would play golf, when he was playing golf at his highest level for about seven years... It's like, it was almost a lock. Every time he would tee it up, he would win. It was amazing. He would do things that no other golfer was doing. He would win in ways that were just crazy and wonderful and wild. And everybody watched tiger woods.

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It didn't matter if you like golf, you just watch tiger woods. Cause he could hit a golf ball. Like no one hits a golf ball. And that was an amazing time to be alive. I cannot think of another, uh, that guy, that fish, the fish. The Fish. Phelps. Oh. Michael Phelps. The Fish.

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The Walrus. Yeah, what was his name? What do they call him? The Walrus?

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Cuckoo Cachoo. Yes.

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He was unbelievable. That guy. That guy. That guy. Okay, so Michael Phelps, Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods. Who else can we think of?

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Is it must-see TV when LeBron is on? Does the whole country watch when LeBron wins?

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Fair enough. Katie Ledecky is a female swimmer who is in her early 30s, late 20s, early 30s. She's been swimming for a long time. She's been in like three Olympics or something. I was watching her the other day in the American All-Star Championships or whatever, and she broke two world records. And she's old for a swimmer. I mean, she's old for a swimmer.

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Now, I retired from swimming a long time ago, but if I was still in the water.

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They used to call me the flop. This is what they used to call me, the flop. I was in swimming. I did swimming, like competitive swimming. Chrissy. I think I got a fifth place ribbon one time. You know, a swim meet is like 17 hours long because there's 300 different swims. And when you're on a swim team, you get put in multiple different swims based on your strength.

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And sometimes just to fill a lane. I was a lane filler and I knew it. maybe freestyle, you know, maybe, maybe they would go, well, it's the least bad thing he does. So let's put him in lane five. But I'm telling you right now, I was a terrible, terrible swimmer and the butterfly stroke, which is the hardest of the strokes in my opinion to do. It's very hard.

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The butter – that's why they called me the flop because I would literally just flop around like a fish. I could not go forward. I could just stay in one place.

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Yeah, that's why YouTube Live and Twitch, you know, that's why just a few people out there right now are doing them.

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So Mr. Hoadley was a competitive swimmer.

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Oh, okay. So one year, the first year on the team. So I was probably in sixth grade. It was my first year on the team. We got to the team late just the way that we moved into the neighborhood. We got to the team late. We went to like two practices with the team. And then the swim meet was that Saturday or whatever the day it was, Friday.

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And so we get to the swim meet, and one of the guys did not show up. One of the kids was not there. And so the coach said, Green, butterfly, lane five, butterfly 400, lane five. I'm like, butterfly 400, lane five.

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I can't even do 400 inches of butterfly. But because I was so embarrassed... And in my Speedo, I decided to just let it fly. I thought, well, I'll just get in the pool. And when they blow the little starting gun, when they hit the starting gun, I'll just stay. I'll stay there.

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Well, no. Then I decided, okay, I got to at least give it a try, right?

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Yeah. By the way, Judy at my mom's retirement home knows how to Twitch, and I don't. But the minutiae of that, it can be a little complicated if you've never tried it before. That's when it can be complicated. Number one.

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And I didn't even make it 50. I didn't make it 50, and the guys were already done with the thing. And luckily, I was able to get out of the pool at that point. Green, out of the water!

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They called me the flop. They called me the flop. They call me the flop. Get out of the pool, Green.

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All right, Coach. From then on, it was backstroke, freestyle, and occasionally the breaststroke, but I was just a lane filler. I wasn't winning anything. I think at one time I was like number 498. They would rank you, too. I was like 498 in the state for like 50 breaststroke. You know, 10 to 11-year-olds. Yeah. Yeah, 10 to 11-year-olds. I think that's because there were only 499 swimmers. Right.

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No, that's true. I wasn't last.

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I think the other kid was my twin brother. He was actually a good swimmer. He was actually a good swimmer. He won a couple of ribbons. I'm not angry about it, though.

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I'm not angry. Don't worry about it. No bitterness. It's all good.

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No bitterness whatsoever. All right. Two, one, two, four, three, three, three, two, two.

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Two, one, two, four, three, three, three, TCB. Left, right. Right breast, left breast, right breast, left breast. Get that phone number. Text us. Call us. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. Communicate with us. How do you expect this relationship to work if we're not communicating?

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Let us know if you want to be on the 12 Hours of TCB coming up May 31st. Celebrating five years of the commercial break, six seasons, and raising awareness about mental health. Hours. Yes, hours. And that guy who thinks Chad GPT told him he was the second coming of Christ. at The Commercial Break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break.

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For all the episodes on video the same day they air here on the audio, TCBPodcast.com, all the comings and goings of The Commercial Break, and your free sticker. Rate us on Apple and Spotify if you would, if you could, if you should. All right. Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

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Number two, just so you know, at least six, maybe seven of the episodes that we are doing that day are actually going to be recorded on that day, just an hour before you listen to them. We will have started that recording. The RSS feed, what you listen to our podcast on, there's no live function on the RSS feed. I can't just turn it on and go live. That is YouTube and Twitch.

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That's why if we do one of these, it's not going to be while one of them is actually coming out. It's going to be the hour before or whatever. However the schedule goes, we'll let you know. You know what? Go to Instagram at the commercial break.

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Yes. We're figuring it out as we go. Soon, probably on 530. Yes. I'm going to figure out a schedule and we're going to nail it all down. Day before. On our Instagram, we will let you know how exactly you can go about following the comings and goings of that day, so to speak. So there you go. Now, are you ready, Chrissy? Are you prepared? Have you mentally got yourself in a place?

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Is there any of Jeff's events happening within a week of the 12 Hours of TC?

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Oh, you're going to bring in some of those? Some of those drinks?

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Yeah, that's not a bad idea. We should ask him to send us some more. I think I actually drank mine. I did too. Oh, did you?

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Yeah, but, you know, we'll also probably have some five-hour energy on hand to help us through because, you know, hey. But it's hard enough. Sometimes we record two episodes in a day. I think on rare occasion we have recorded three, mainly during the 12 days of TCB. There were a few days where we knocked out three or tried to knock out three.

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So this to do six or seven of them in a day is really going to be a lot. I need to make sure Chrissy's on top of things.

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Because I wrote a song about you, Chris, because Chrissy just those you kept up with it maybe last week. Chrissy went to go to one of Jeff's many events that he throws in Memphis over the course of a year. And I don't know, it might be the biggest one now is Riverbeat, right? Riverbeat has turned into quite the to-do, getting really big name artists three days in a row. Is it three days or 40?

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Three days in a row, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Five stages. Yes. And Chrissy strolled in on Thursday and was still recovering. So I wrote a song about it. I'd like to play it for you, Chrissy. Okay.

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Chrissy don't recover like she used to. Polly can't hang no more. She used to be the last one standing. Now she's the first one on the floor. Chrissy can't watch the sunrise. With a belly full of wine. Just one taste of Tina. She used to swallow nine. Three day hangover.

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It's awesome. Oh, there's more.

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Four tipsy days at River Beach. Three long days in bed. Sweaty nights, nothing left home She should be working here instead Three-day hangover Oh, yeah!

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Oh, that's a good one.

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That's a really good one. I like it. I wrote that for you because I love you. You know I do. But you've got to be in your tip-top shape. I can't have any stragglers here because it's just you and me. So if one of us goes down, it's not going to be pretty. If one of us isn't in tip-top shape, it's not going to be pretty. And we've got to get a good night's sleep.

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I think Chrissy was finger dipping, quite frankly. I was not. You were not?

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Okay. Feeling good, yeah. Let the good times run. Raise your glass high. Let's toast to the stars. With our friends around. We're never too far. We're finger dipping. The party's alive. Under the moon. That's fantastic. I love it. Finger dipping. Finger dipping.

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Your defense.

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In my defense, I decided to get fucked up an extra two days. I made the rational choice to drink even more than I should have. In my defense. I love that when people go, in my defense, the bartender over-served me. In my defense.

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In my defense, Bob ordered shots. In your defense. No, you shithead. You're the one who threw it down your gullet. In your defense. In your defense would be, you know, they had me held down. They did. They were waterboarding me with... You know, rumple.

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I had to show up. Show up and show out. Hey, listen, I get it. Honestly, I don't care.

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We had been to Pearl Jam.

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Yes, that was an interesting night for sure.

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Jaggi Beans. Jaggi Beans.

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Yeah, you do have to send it to Jackie Beans. I wrote it just for him.

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Just to let you know, if you didn't tune in last week, Brian got a hold of a new AI music tool. So I've been writing all kinds of lyrics. By the way, I've been this guy since like, and I think my brothers will tell you this also, I think it's part of what has inspired some of the commercial break is To get your music out there?

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To find a way to get my music in there. To find a way to get my music into the stream of consciousness. And now I'm just using one big cheat code to do it. When I was a child, I would listen to some of the rock and roll stations in Chicago, some of the very famous rock stations there, where kind of this morning zoo crew type of thing. Oh, yeah. I think Man Cow was one.

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Not when I was there, but Man Cow was one of them.

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Man Cow. Dumb name, honestly. I have nothing against Man Cow, but that's a pretty dumb name. But all of them were there. It was like rock and roll, rock and roll. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and the Greaseman. Greaseman. What an asshole that guy was. But a lot of this started back in the 80s. These personalities became larger than life.

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When the personalities kind of started to usurp the music in a way, and they started to get more time to talk on air. And Chicago was not immune to this. There were a lot of these guys where they were doing prank. Everybody was trying to be Howard Stern, basically, is what happened.

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I can see that. It all started with, I don't know what the guy's name was, the rock and roll guy back in the 50s and 60s.

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Not Casey Kasem. I can't think of the guy's name now. He used to, Wolfman.

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So the Wolfman used to be like this nighttime DJ who would, you know, talk in wild ways and say weird things, and people loved him. And he was in the 50s and the 60s, and I think he even went into the 70s and 80s maybe.

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I think you might be right about that. And so in Chicago, I kind of grew up with this type of thing in the car, in the house and around me, as well as some very famous talk stations, WGN and their kind of their branch of radio stations. I used to sit, like when I was five, I got a stereo, one of those recordable stereos.

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The kind with the big red button. And if you had a tape and you knew how to do it, or you had a blank tape, which were just coming out back then, unbelievably, you could stick the tape in there and you could press record. Well, Kevin got one too. And Kevin wasn't as interested as I was in it. So I would take...

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the two and put them together and I would press record on one and I would listen to these guys on the radio and then I would record it. I would play it back. I would record my favorite songs. I would play them back. You can imagine just how terrible this audio quality was. I mean, terrible. It's this shitty child's, you know, portable holding, you know, boom box.

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And then I was putting two boom boxes together to record AM fucking radio. It was terrible. Yeah. But I loved it. I was obsessed with it. And then I would do my own talk shows in this little microphone. Yes. And then I would do it. And then I started doing it with my neighbor friend. His name is Joey Venario. Joey Venario.

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And here is the crazy thing is that Joey Venario and I used to make these tapes in his garage. Yeah. We had a name for our show and everything. Can't remember what the name was, but we had a name for our show and everything. We start making these tapes. We would play them for our family and friends. You know, we were really into this for maybe a year or two.

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especially during the summer, when late nights, the neighborhood, blah, blah, blah. I got a hold of Jerry, Joey, late nights in the neighborhood. I mean, late nights in the neighborhood. My dad would set houses on fire with his, you know, fireworks permit, quote, unquote. That's a story to tell. I think I told it once. Did I tell the time my dad set the neighbor's house on fire?

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Please, Mike. Please.

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I mean, yeah, what do you think happens when... Agent Mr. Green, Mr. Green, pick up the house phone.

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The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.

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Remember that?

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I mean, it happened all the time when we were kids.

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Yeah. Yeah, so I called the airport and after pressing 75 buttons, I finally get someone on the phone and she's like, hey, you know... whatever, Tampa Regional Airport, International Airport, how can I help you? And I said, yeah, I have a really weird situation on my hands.

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I actually left my identification in Atlanta, where I flew from, but they don't require identification when you have this digital ID. And she's like, you didn't have to have an ID to get on the plane? And I go, no, a digital ID. And she was like, oh yeah, that's weird. She goes, well, this doesn't happen often because you really do need an ID to get on an airplane.

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Aber sie fragt mich, ob ich irgendeine Art von Identifikation habe, wie eine Sicherheitskarte. Ich sage, ja, ich habe eine Sicherheitskarte. Und sie sagt, okay, ich weiß, dass das passiert und TSA hat einen Prozess, um dich auf dem Flugzeug zu bekommen, aber ich wäre da mindestens eine Stunde früher. So Aser and I get there an hour earlier than the hour early we're going to get there.

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So now we're like two hours early, right? Which I fucking hate, by the way. And I just know my luck. This is going to be done in one minute and I'm going to be stuck there for two hours at the Tampa Regional Airport. At the TGI Fridays. Yes, at the TGI Fridays. Fucking TGI Fridays. But it's Tampa, so there's no TGI Fridays. They have like disparate... Atlanta really does have a great airport.

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Because when you go to other, like, smaller airports, like Tampa, you realize how great the Atlanta airport is. Because they have disparate terminals, where you have to, like, you know, take a shuttle bus over to another terminal. And each terminal has a Starbucks and one other shitty restaurant that no one cares about.

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We certainly are cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene. This is my dear friend and the co-host of the show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us.

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And then four of those, you know, newsstands, whatever, that duty-free, like, I'm, you know, gonna buy a box of camels for $100. Anyway. Wer kauft noch noch Karten von Zigaretten? Ich glaube, viele Leute kaufen Karten von Zigaretten frei. Also gehe ich zu TSA PreCheck, die sie dort haben. Und ich sage, hey, hör mal, die Frau will meinen ID. Und ich sage, hey, hör mal, ich habe meinen ID nicht.

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Und diese Frau ist stumpt. Es ist wie ihr erstes Tag am Job. Sie ist so, du hast keinen ID? Und ich sage, ja. Und sie ist so, okay, warte einen Sekunden.

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Security Alert 12, Security Alert blue, blue, blue. So now I'm being surrounded. And then she's like, do you have a major credit card, any kind of information, anything with you? And I go, yeah, I got 50 credit cards.

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None of them valid, but they have my name on them. Wenn du sie schweigen wirst, ist das ein Problem. Aber wenn du nur den Namen auf sie schaust, habe ich das den ganzen Tag. Also ist sie so, okay, ich brauche dich in die normale Linie zu gehen und mein Manager wird kommen. Und dann steht Astrid da und die Frau sagt, willst du mit ihm gehen oder willst du durch Pre-Check gehen?

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Und ich bin so, Baby, es ist dir egal, was du tun willst. Und sie ist so, äh, sie denkt für einen Moment, sie pausiert. Und ich habe ehrlich gesagt, ich habe keine Ahnung, weil ich weiß, dass ich derjenige bin, der durch den Dramen gehen muss. Und sie fragt ihn, ich gehe mit ihm. Ja. So now there's like a 15 minute line for the right. So I'm standing at the end of this line.

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And then all of a sudden, like this cadre of people start walking up to this other lady who's then talking and they're looking at me and pointing and whispering. And then this manager comes back and she goes, is this you, sir? Is this you? And I go, yes, this is me without the ticket. And she's like, please come this way. And she opens the little, you know, fence. Yeah, the belt, the belt.

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Yeah, that's never stopped anybody from doing anything ever. They have those at Disney World, like they're going to stop people from politely cutting in line. That always happens. So she shovels me in and then she goes, okay, sir, let me see, you know, some other forms of identification. I give it to her and then she goes, let me see your phone, please.

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And I give her my phone and she takes it and she scans it. And I guess a picture of me comes up on the computer for the paper.

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Yeah, yeah.

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Und dann sagt sie, okay. Und dann öffnet sie die Klammer wieder, um mich auf die Klammer-Kammer zu stellen. Und dann geht sie durch die, weißt du, die kleine Sache, die geht. Ja.

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Die Körper-Kammer, die eine Bildung hat, wie du weißt, eine Silhouette deines Körpers, die dir zeigt, wie du stehen musst.

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Und sie sagt mir, bevor ich durchgehe, du wirst zusätzliche Screenings durchführen müssen. Wir müssen das einfach machen. Und ich war so, okay, ich verstehe, ich habe es verstanden. Nicht deine Schuld, meine Schuld. Also geht sie da hin. Okay, also jetzt haben sie mein Zeug durch die Sicherheitsseite gesetzt. Sie gehen zurück und forth auf die Sicherheitsseite.

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Ich kann meine Tasche sehen, die zurück und forth auf die Sicherheitsseite geht. Wie die Frau, die nur leidet, um etwas falsch zu machen. Ich komme runter. Ich habe meinen Stiefel weg, meine Schuhe. Der Typ sagt mir, dass ich meine Schuhe auf dem Tisch setze. Ich mache die ganzen neun Straßen.

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So he takes one of those cloths, you know that machine, and he's rubbing everything I've got and he goes, I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to, and I only have a carry-on with me, but he says, I'm sorry, I'm going to have to wipe every bit of this bag, every hole. Okay, alright.

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And the inside. And the inside, wow. In my vanity case, every inch of it. He wipes my shoes, he wipes my belt, he wipes my hand, everything, right? Everything. So, okay, everything's good, right? He's going through it. He's got like five of these little claws. He's going through it. One, one, one, one, one. And then all of the sudden, Chrissy... Oh, wait.

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Und ich bin so, äh, es ist wie ein lauter Geräusch. Und dann ist er so, Security Check Blue, Security Check Blue, Line 3. Und ich bin so, oh, fuck. Und er schaut mich an und sagt, bleib da. Und ich bin so, was soll ich tun? Run? Ja, was soll ich tun? Take off? Es sind 30 armte Guards da. Was soll ich tun? Ich werde einen Stop, Drop and Roll machen und auf die Tafel gehen. Ja. Jump on a plane.

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Literally jump on a plane. So my shoes are hitting on something and I don't know what it is, but he does it again and it hits again. And then the manager comes over and I think she's just like kind of done with me altogether. So now we're like 15, 16, 17 minutes into this whole thing. And I think she's just done with me. She takes the chews. She stops this whole security line. She takes the chews.

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She puts them through the x-ray machine. And you can watch them go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. And then finally they come back out. And she goes, okay, you can go. And I'm like, oh, okay, thanks so much. And she's like, yeah, next time bring your ID. Okay, got it, 10-4. So now I'm putting all my shit back in. You know, collecting all my stuff. Right, getting dressed.

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Now I'm like 22 minutes into this. And Astrid still isn't there, the security like... Oh no, she was back.

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Had to stand in line for like 22 minutes. Oh no. Sweet justice. Poor Astrid. Did you find your ID? I did. It was in my car, in the glove box, with my passport, which I left parked at some shitty parking lot in Atlanta.

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Oh, good. That's right.

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Because, of course, they're doing the world's biggest parking lot expansion in Atlanta. You can't find a fucking parking spot. So we had to go to one of those, you know, like they say it's the official parking, but it's like 10 miles away.

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Yes. And then the park and ride people, those buses, that is the worst experience. I mean, honestly. Yeah. Können sie jemanden finden, der vor allem fahren kann? Und zweitens, finden sie jemanden, der nicht wütend ist? Ich meine, all diese Fahrer sind so wütend. Und es ist wie, ich glaube, ich wäre auch, wenn ich das Fahrzeug um den Flughafen in Kreisen fahren würde.

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Aber, äh, du weißt, was du tun wirst. Ansonsten, es geht einfach um die Show, Kinder. Ich weiß nicht, was es um die Show geht, aber es geht einfach um die Show.

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Nicht auf ein Flugzeug springen. Da bist du, wie Tom Cruise. Wir sind zurück.

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I'm Emma Greed and I've spent the last 20 years building, running and investing in some incredible businesses. I've co-founded a multi-billion dollar unicorn and had my hand in several other companies that have generated hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars. The more success I've had, the more people started coming to me with questions. How do you start a business? How do you raise money?

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How do I bounce back from failure? So it got me thinking, why not just ask the people I aspire to the most? How do they actually do what they do? I'm so incredibly lucky to know some of the smartest minds out there. And now I'm bringing their insights along with mine unfiltered directly to you.

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On my new podcast, Aspire with Emma Greed, I'll dive into the big questions everyone wants to know about success in business and in life. Through weekly conversations you'll get the tangible tools, the real no BS stories and undeniable little hacks that actually help you level up. Listen to and follow Aspire with Emma Greed and Odyssey Podcast available now, wherever you get your podcasts.

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He's 62 years old. And somehow Paramount, who I think they make these movies, is still allowing him to do these incredibly insane stunts. If he dies, along with it goes some of the only big tent movies. Gangbuster for sure making a billion dollar movies. And I don't know how they're letting him do this. Let the stunt double do it. You're 62, Tom. Don't you have children?

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Alright, a couple little housecleaning things that I want to get to. First of all, people have asked, when are you going to get to the fucking point about the Spain trip?

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I will, I promise.

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I'll tell the wedding story this week, I promise. But to be honest with you, we've had a couple other things on our mind. Like the whole world has had a couple other things on their mind. So I just didn't feel very much like in a funny story mood last week. So I didn't finish the story, but I will this week. Don't worry about it. Not today. Not today. No, you don't get it today.

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Because you were pissy about it, you fuckers. Number two. Next week we're going to do a show on red flags. Dating and relationship red flags. Please send those in. 212-4333-TCB. T-C-B. Kool Rouge BG. Yogi BG. Do me a favor and send in your relationship red flags to that phone number 212-433-3822.

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And then also we want to know if you would watch us record an episode of the commercial break live on Twitch one day a week. Not now, but in season number six in 2025. If you're interested in that, let us know and text us. Because if we get just one response, it's likely we're going to do it.

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Because I figure for every one person that texts us about something that there's like 10 others who really have no interest in communicating with us whatsoever or are too busy with their own lives. Yeah. So I think we have 10 listeners, quite frankly. Did you get that math? I did. Is that a joke? You're going to laugh? No, you weren't going to laugh. Okay. Trump Tyson this week.

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I mean, Trump Tyson.

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I wish. I wish. God, I wish.

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Oh, I wish. I wish someone would knock him down a peg.

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Jake Paul.

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I didn't even know this was still on.

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Oh, they do? Yes. Oh, I gotta watch that.

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You gotta watch it.

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Yes, it's happening this Saturday. Yeah, is that November 18th, I think is what that is? November 17th. 17th. Yesterday was the 10th. The 19th is Tuesday. 16th. Okay. 16th. Hold on, what day is Saturday? Hold on, I'll open up Netflix right now and we'll see when it is. Okay, anyway, it's this Saturday, I believe, is when it is. Because it makes most sense for it to be on a Saturday, right?

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I thought maybe it said Friday, but I might be wrong.

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Okay, now, oh, yeah. Now I do see the countdown. Paul versus Tyson. God bless America. If there is any justice in this world, after the last couple of weeks that we've had, if there's any justice in this world, let us all take a collective exhale when Paul gets the holy shit knocked out of him. I mean, please, please let Tyson be in some kind of fighting form. Because Paul is no... He's no joke.

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Like, he can fight, right? I mean, he's won most of his fights. I think he lost one.

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UFC and boxing. He's gotten paid hundreds of millions of dollars to box. And I mean, he's kind of made a mockery of the whole... I mean, listen...

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professional boxing in general is kind of a mockery like it's just a shitty scammy weird sport but when two boxers get in the ring i am not a fighting guy i i watch some ufc sometimes when it's on at my brother's house like but it's not my thing right and it's not my thing unless like there's some kind of crazy event happening right unless it's just unless it's mike tyson Unless it's Mike Tyson.

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That's it. Mike Tyson is a super famous, storied boxer. And what a life that guy has lived. Now, I don't agree and I don't think all parts of Mike Tyson are fantastic. He is a convicted rapist, right? Which is terrible. He bit off of Vander Holyfield's ear, which is terrible. He was a little bit of a monster. Not a little bit, a monster for a while.

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1889.472

But it appears to me... But then he was in The Hangover. In The Hangover and everything's okay. We're all better now. Everything's great. Who cares that he raped somebody? We're fine now. It's all good. We've made up. We kissed and made up. Now, I do have to say that watching him, and I've seen documentaries about how he cares for pigeons. That's right.

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189.881

They have Suri and Yuri and Fry and French Fry and something like that, right? And isn't he like the King of the Scientology world? How is Scientology letting him do this? That's my question. Isn't there somebody at Scientology going, hey, this guy goes and we got the only representative that has ever brought more people in the door is gone. That's it. He's gone.

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1915.806

He did, I think, on HBO at some point or something like that. So, I'm not saying that Mike Tyson is all good. I don't think that. You know, there's some things you just can't take back. But I do think that having watched him over the years, he is evolving as a human being. And for that, you can give anybody credit, right? There's murderers in jail who evolve.

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1937.521

You can't take back the fact that you murdered somebody. That's a really terrible thing that can never be unwound. And that doesn't make you wholly a good person, that you change your life. But Throwing the baby out with the bathwater sometimes is not the right answer and sometimes you can change.

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1951.892

Now, having nothing to do with Mike Tyson's personal life, I just dislike the Paul brothers altogether. I really do. I just don't think they're... I just don't like them. Let's just put it that way. I just don't like them. I don't like the vibe. I'm not interested in it. I just don't care for them.

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1978.914

Uh, his brother, yes. Okay, oh, this is his brother. This is his brother. Jake is the brother of Aaron Paul. Um, I can never remember that guy's first name. Uh, Paul Brothers, hold on one second.

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1996.242

Logan Paul. Aaron Paul. Aaron Paul is the guy from Breaking Bad.

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2000.383

From Breaking Bad, yes.

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2002.159

Sorry, Aaron. I like you. I do like you. Logan and Jake. So, Logan Paul has been a famous YouTuber for a long time. Oh, it was Logan. Yeah, with his own set of bullshit. And listen, anybody who grows up in front of camera is gonna have some missteps. It's just a reality. So I'm not faulting the guy for that. He's gonna have some missteps, some misjudgments.

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2023.443

When you become that famous for doing silly shit, sometimes the silliness goes too far and he's certainly taken it too far.

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2032.619

Not really. He was appealing to teens and kids when he was younger. And then he did this stunt. Honestly, for fear that I demonetize this particular episode. And I know that that's shitty to say, but I'm going to say this as carefully as I can. There is a famous forest in Japan where people unalive themselves. You understand what I'm saying? Yes.

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2056.827

Und er ging dort und sie fanden ein Körper. Einen echten Körper. Wirklich? Ja. Und er machte die Situation in einer Weise, die sagt, ich bin nicht menschlich. Warum würdest du das tun? Ich wusste das nicht. Und dann hat er es auf YouTube veröffentlicht. Nichtsdestotrotz. Also monetisieren Sie jetzt diese ganze Situation, die wirklich nicht sehr gut ist.

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2078.729

But then just like the energy in general, like they have been involved in altcoin questionable activities and NFT. NFT in general is a questionable activity, but then they were involved.

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2094.64

Kann ich dir was sagen?

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2098.561

Ich habe das heute gelesen. Ich habe Altcoin gekauft, den Tag nach der Wahl. Ja. Und ich habe es gut gemacht. Okay. Ich habe es gut gemacht. Gut für dich. Es ist die einzige klare Investitionsentscheidung, die ich je gemacht habe. Ich habe das fucking Altcoin umgebracht. Ich weiß nicht, weil so viel davon auf Sentiment basiert. Und so wie die Sentiment in der Markt.

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2118.524

Und als Trump Präsident wurde, wusste ich für ein Fakt. Ja. Ja, ich meine, ich glaube nicht, dass sie das Spiel gemacht haben. Nein. But let there be sweet justice in this universe and let him get the holy shit knocked out of him. I don't want to see the guy permanently hurt. I just want to see Mike Tyson just hit him a couple times hard. Knock him out. Please, Mike. Please.

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215.204

Nine times out of ten. I will wholly reject big tent pole kind of summer blockbuster movies. We've talked about this. Twisters and all this. I just wholly reject the idea of... CGI, Big-Action-Sequenz. Ich weiß, dass sie für einen Grund populär sind, weil Leute denken, dass sie gute Filme sind. Sie sind lustig, sie sind angenehm.

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2161.297

Do this for the rest of us. Let us put a... Oh, definitiv. And put that aside for a second. I just don't like the guy. He just rubs me the wrong way. I just don't like him. He seems cocky and weird. And I guess maybe part of me is jealous that Jake Paul can all of a sudden become a boxer, get hepped up on whatever.

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2214.088

Why would they do it on a Friday night?

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2219.21

Why would they do it on a Friday night? That seems weird to do it on Friday night. Why wouldn't they do it on Saturday night? Mainly because I'll be at my dad's house and I'm not sure he has Netflix. Fuck. Now I'm going to have to watch it on my phone. That sucks. I know.

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2235.918

And I would just turn on my Netflix at my dad's house, but of course Netflix has all the, you know, controlling my television watching these days. And anytime someone else logs into the Netflix, then I get logged out of my Netflix. Hahaha. It's so crazy. That and Amazon Prime. I'm so pissed at both of them.

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2253.545

Yeah. Well, we've all shared information. We've all done it, right? And then, fuck you, motherfucker. Anyway, on the 15th, let us all kneel and bow and pray at the altar of Netflix and watch this and see if we can get some sweet shots. Just like, you know, like a consolation.

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2271.892

Oh, for sure. Yeah, I think part of me.

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2279.68

Oh, God, Chrissy.

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2281.262

Evander Holyfield? I mean, it has been years. I think so. Tyson's last. He's 58. Yep. Jesus, the guy's old, man. Not old, but old for a boxer. June 2005. Roy Jones Jr.

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2297.737

In an exhibition match that ended in a draw. He was 38 years old then. He's 58 years old now. The guy is old. But I hear that he has been watching some videos and stuff like that. Some social media stuff. He has been training and he does look good. I don't care how old the guy is. When he swings his fist, when he's sparring with his partner, he swings that fist

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2320.547

It's like a fucking brick wall coming out. It's gotta be. I can't even listen. I do give Jake Paul credit for one thing. If there is one sports related, I would rather be in an NFL football game as a fucking offensive lineman. Then I then fight Mike Tyson. I really would. I really would rather get hit by the Georgia Bulldogs front line. It was not very good this year.

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2348.563

But anyway, then I would get hit by Mike Tyson. That's scary. Just once. Like, just once. If you offered me... If you offered me five million dollars to get punched by Mike Tyson just once, just let Mike just punch you just once, just one square shot, I am not sure that I would take that five million dollars. Really? If you offered me ten, I would. But if you offered me five, I'm not sure.

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2377.439

Well, I'm just thinking about what the number is. Because that could cause permanent damage to your brain. You break your jaw, you fucking break your nose. You could mangle your face. I mean, that guy hits and that guy hits hard. How much money would it take for you to get... Well, not you. I wouldn't want to see you hit.

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2394.107

Jeff, how much money would they have to pay you to get Jeff hit by Mike Tyson? No, I agree.

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2401.83

I think for Jeff it's 10, too. I bet if you asked Jeff, it would be 10. Dear Jeff, Mike Tyson's gonna hit you.

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241.153

Du gehst in die Filme und du hast zwei Stunden, in denen du nicht über etwas anderes denkst. Aber ich komme nicht in diese Art von Filmen. Normalerweise. But I do have to say that I caught the latest Mission Impossible on television, like on HBO, I don't know, maybe two months ago. And it was fun from beginning to end. I liked it a lot. I was like, okay, I get why people like this.

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2410.691

But I will be rich for the rest of our lives.

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2415.815

You will be unable to make decisions.

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2424.582

And how tall are they?

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2427.244

Okay, that's my height.

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2429.125

Yeah, that's a pretty big height advantage. Three inches, four inches.

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2435.947

Ja, er hat einen Kampf verloren. Sieben K.O.s.

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2442.671

Er hat 44 K.O.s, Tyson hat es. Und ich meine, er ist 30 Jahre älter. Wie alt ist Jake? Er ist 27 bis 58. Er ist 27?

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2450.256

Es gibt eine große Ängsteveränderung und ein bisschen eine Höheveränderung. Ja. My guess is that this is a lot closer than anybody thinks it's going to be. That's my guess. Because I think what Tyson lacks in youthful energy and maybe stamina, he's going to make up for in pound for pound punching force. I just don't know if you can... I just don't know if you can train that into somebody. Yeah.

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2482.981

But here's the thing. Is Mike going to get out there and be the Mike Tyson? He's not going to be the Mike Tyson of 30 years ago, but is he going to get that fire back where he just hits the shit out of people so quick, so fast?

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2496.814

Yeah, don't hold back, Mike. Okay, I'm talking to Mike. Mike.

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2500.138

Okay.

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2501.207

Don't hold back. Go in there with a fire in your belly. I know you get paid a lot of money regardless of what happens, but you get paid more if you win. You need this money. It's probably going to do your pigeons a lot of good. You're going to be able to have a whole new pigeon world, like a Disney world for pigeons. And that's going to make everybody really happy.

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2519.23

Maybe you'll even get that big mansion back that you really like. Didn't you have a big mansion that they got? Oh, that was Evander Holyfield. Listen, you need to win this match. The whole of the United States is relying on you to make us all feel a little bit better. I don't care who you voted for. Everyone needs to feel a little bit better. And if Jake Paul loses, we're all going to feel better.

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2538.876

So just hit them hard.

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2542.796

I think they're each getting at least $100 million.

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2564.701

How is that not a lot more money?

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2568.34

War nicht da ein Kampf vor fünf Jahren, in dem Pacquiao Jr. und Mayweather kämpften? Hatten Pacquiao und Mayweather nicht einen Kampf für 100 Millionen Dollar?

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2579.849

Ja, ich habe das gesehen. Ich habe eigentlich für diesen Kampf bezahlt, weil das einer der Events war, wo ich dachte, okay, ich will sehen, was alle so aufgeregt sind. Pacquiao vs. Mayweather. Ja, hier ist es. Okay. Pacquiao versus Mayweather. Let's see. What were the purses? I think if I'm not mistaken, there were $100 million a piece. There were 4.4 million purchases on the pay-per-view alone.

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2608.977

$410 million in revenue. Fight card, fight details.

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2620.018

Okay, so the revenue between... Okay, here's how it goes. Okay. So both fighters were expected to earn at least 100 million dollars in revenue. I can't imagine that this fight is less exciting than Floyd Mayo. I'm gonna get a new microphone, Christy.

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264.17

Now I haven't seen half of those Mission Impossible movies. And now I'm looking forward to the next one coming out. Because I'm like, okay, now I get to see how the story finishes. Because it's a part one, part two.

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2659.596

If we have to have five extra episodes, this microphone is gonna go on. And what is going on with this microphone? And here's the thing, I can't figure out which wire it is. Right. You know what I'm saying? Like I'm really pissed because I don't know. I think it's this or maybe it's this. I'm not really sure. Just sometimes it decides to put out of me.

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2676.107

Anyway, I can't imagine that Pacquiao and Mayweather, while it's a sanctioned fight, I think, was a sanctioned fight, is any less exciting.

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2688.163

Any more exciting. It's a sanctioned fight? Yeah. I mean, it's sanctioned, but isn't it like an exhibition match? They're not gonna like. It has nothing to do with like. I don't think Jake is actually like a professional fighter. I think he's an exhibition fighter.

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2703.651

Oh, it has? Yeah. Well, then there you go. What do I know? All right. Okay. Well, the 15th, this Friday. Super exciting. Going into it. Let's all root for these.

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2714.446

I'm so glad you did some research, too. 20 million and 40 million. These guys are getting terribly underpaid. Terrible. And I'm saying that as a guy who makes like $10 an hour. I mean, I'm being serious. You think I'm joking. All right. We'll be back.

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276.694

Sechs, glaube ich. Okay.

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2776.084

Okay, here's what I just read, which I think kind of helps me understand what I was thinking. There are a hundred different boxing bodies and professional fights can be sanctioned by a bunch of different bodies. Okay. But is Jake Paul going to fight... However, for the World Championship belt, no, he's not, because he has not been sanctioned.

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2798.291

And I think that's part of... I don't want to say he's just an exhibitionist, but a lot of these fights, while they're professionally sanctioned, are not for points or whatever. Anyway, there you go. Brian figured it all out in 30 seconds.

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2816.852

Well, now I'm excited, except, Dad, get Netflix, please. Stop being so cheap and pay for Netflix.

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2822.599

He's always asking me, oh, what was that show you were watching on Amazon Prime? And I was like, oh, yeah, Dad, I was watching whatever, you know, Worlds of the World or whatever.

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2831.149

I was like, I don't know.

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2832.432

Was ist das? Login wieder? Ich bin so, Dad! Nein, ich bin verrückt, ich bin verrückt.

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2836.015

Ich bin verrückt, ein bisschen. Aber, weißt du, ich verstehe, wenn du, weißt du, wenn du auf einer bestimmten Zeit bist und du... Hör auf, ich sage, mein Vater ist auf einem festen Einkommen. Ich glaube nicht, er ist schmerzhaft. Ich glaube nicht, er ist schmerzhaft.

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2851.829

Dein Vater hat sich für all das gemacht? Schau dir deinen Vater an. Schau dir deinen Vater an. Geh, Vater! Does your dad like splurge on vacation? Does he go on vacation and you're like, you know, ah, let's go to the steakhouse and have a dinner?

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2866.448

Okay.

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287.8

Wie viele von diesen Mission Impossible Filmen, die von diesem Scientologen starren, haben sie? Six sounds about right. Yep.

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2871.251

Yeah, I think my dad has never been a splurger. That's never been in his person. Your dad and my dad are very much like, no, it's not in their DNA because their dads went to World War II. Yes. An jedem Moment war der ökonomische Verlust genau um die Kante. Sie haben also immer geschenkt und gekostet.

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2887.925

Aber mein Vater und deine Eltern, zum einen, mussten wirklich extra vorsichtig sein, weil sie viele Kinder hatten. Alles über einen ist eine Menge von Kindern. Ja, genau. Yeah, go for it. Go for yourself. That's what I encourage too. Go for it. Buy me a steak dinner every once in a while. Take me on vacation. Do something nice for me. I know.

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2924.645

And then my dad will always say, every Thanksgiving, same speech, right?

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2930.047

Who wants the coin set from your great grandfather in the well? You talk amongst yourself and then figure out who wants the plates from the house or in the will. You talk about it amongst yourselves. Everything will be split up evenly, but if you want something, let us know, blah, blah, blah. But our whole goal is to leave one dollar in the bank account when we die.

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2948.52

You know, like they have no intention of leaving anything for us. They just want to spend it all, to which some of my brothers are really upset. And I'm like, I... Ganz ehrlich, ich bin der prodigale Sohn. Ich habe überhaupt nichts erwartet. Ich bin wie Judas, wenn ich nach Hause komme. Also, fuck it, I don't care, whatever. Yeah, I don't care.

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295.854

Now it's an answer to something about Valentine's Day. How many Mission Impossible movies are there? There are... Why can't you just give me one simple answer? Right. Now I gotta go count them myself. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. There are seven of them with an eighth coming.

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2967.054

Well, my dad says stuff, you know, I'm sure a lot of kids have had this conversation, like adult children have had this conversation with their parents, you know, what do you want in the will, or I'm going to give this to you when I pass, or if you want that, make sure you get it, like that. And I always am like, I don't give a shit. Like, honestly, whatever you think. Yeah.

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2983.85

What could you give me that I really want? Like a 10-foot portrait of myself.

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2989.793

You know what I'm saying?

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2994.655

Yeah. And so, but at this age, I'm like, hey, Dad, you should, you know, guys go out and have a little bit of fun. Like their idea of a cool vacation is like driving to Iowa. Well, you just...

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3009.382

They did this like, not cross country trip, but like this midwest. Half cross. Yeah. They went and saw like train stations and like, you know, the world's biggest ball of wax and shit like that, which fine, that's cool.

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3020.527

Like honestly, I would, if I retire, road trips sound cool to me. I have this dream. My dad, what is your favorite vacation ever as a child?

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3040.049

...extravagante Abenteuer oder wirklich keine. Nein, wir auch nicht. Disney World ein paar Male. Florida, Gulf Shores, etwas so. Disney World ein paar Male, aber ein Tag bei Disney war 26 Dollar. Das wäre heute das Äquivalent von 50 Dollar. Es war nicht 700 Dollar, um in die Tür zu kommen und dann noch 700 Dollar, um alles zu kaufen.

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3058.494

So, the one vacation that I remember as a child, so excited about, like I can still remember it to this day, it's one of my favorite memories, is my dad told us one summer, I think I was 15 years old, and my dad for months, I would walk into that office, right, where my dad was sitting behind his desk, commanding the universe. I usually went in there when I was in trouble.

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3082.371

But sometimes if I walked by, I would see my dad like plotting a map, like an actual map, like a book of map. But this is before the Internet or before the Internet was widely available. Of course, my dad had the Internet the moment that the Internet was available.

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3094.562

But he's got this big map book and he's like, you know, drawing lines and, you know, plotting destinations and all that stuff until he tells us one day at dinner. This summer, we are going on a cross-country trip. 20 days.

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3112.813

That was it. That's what we did in the family truckster, which was a conversion van. Do you remember conversion vans? Big old vans. And on the inside, they were like luxury cruise liners. That for some reason, I mean, not for some reason, we had four children. But the back bench would turn into a bed.

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3132.711

It had four captain's chairs, and captain's chairs are like individual seats that like turn and twist and lay down and go up. Two in the front, two in the middle, and then you could put a table, like you could stand a table in the middle of it. It had a television, which got no channels whatsoever, but how cool was that, right? A television that didn't turn on, but cool.

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3153.121

And all the accoutrements that, you know... I don't know, cupholders, cool shit, right? And my dad said, we're going on a trip. It's going to be about a month. We're going to go 10, 12 days out, 10, 12 days back. We're going to stop every night in a different town. That was ambitious. Chrissy, not only was it ambitious, it was so much fucking fun. I mean, it really was.

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3177.949

I look back on it now, it was so fun. I brought my CD Walkman. I had the CDs. I remember I was listening to like... What did I have? Soundgarden, Bad Motor Finger, Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam, Guns N' Roses. You know, I just was like listening to it. Some people in the car felt that my feet did not smell good, but that was because my Doc Martens were used. Poor boys.

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3207.313

And we had so much fun and we stopped at the most random of places, Tucumcari, New Mexico, outside Little Rock, Arkansas, someplace in West Texas. Yeah, I would be into it. Phoenix, Arizona on like July 28th, like the world's hottest place.

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3226.141

And then we drove up through California and then came back around north to stop in Chicago, where we were from, to say hello to everybody and come back down to Atlanta. Chris, we drove through the Dakotas. We went to the Grand Canyon. It was the funnest thing ever. And so one of my dreams as a father is to do this same thing for my children. To do it.

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3249.616

Now, you know, I hope the earth is still around so that I can do that.

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3256.26

Yeah. But when I retire, I don't want to drive anywhere. I want to get on a plane and I want to go to some far flung exotic location and sit on a beach and drink fucking cool teenies or whatever it is. Do you know what I'm saying?

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3273.729

Meet me at Tang's. Indeed, Chrissy.

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3276.169

I do not want to get in a car and drive 33 hours to see the world's biggest ball of wax. It's just not interesting to me. That's not how I envision my retirement. A cruise ship, an airplane first class, I don't know, a flying Tesla, something like that. I want to do something... Space resort. Space resort.

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3296.355

Probably the only inhabitable place by the time I retire, which is in like three years, by the way. I have zero interest in getting in the car, doing a cross-country trip when I'm retired. Right. And so I just, you know, sometimes I want to poke my dad and say, Dad, you got to go spend a little of that jingle jangle.

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3312.859

Get yourself on a first class virgin flight to like, you know, I don't know, not any place terribly exciting. Go to London. Go to Dublin. Go to Tahiti. Hawaii. Get out there. That's not his thing. Es ist nicht sein Ding. Du wirst es nicht machen. Ich denke nicht, dass es in seinem Datenbank ist. Weißt du, was ich meine? Ja. Um darüber nachzudenken, dass er so viel Geld auf sich selbst verdient.

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333.036

With an eighth coming. Eighth is like the... It's like part one, part two. Okay. So the seventh is... Whatever. Part one, part two. You get it. Part one, I almost died. Part two, I almost died. I mean, that guy...

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3336.733

Ich denke nicht, dass es in seinem Datenbank ist. So, zu dem, was einige meiner Brüder sagen, danke Gott, vielleicht wird es noch etwas Geld in der Wille. Und zu dem, was ich sage, wer verdient es? Ich meine, ehrlich gesagt, wer verdient es? Es ist nicht mein Geld. Das ist, wie ich mich fühle. Verzeih es.

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3350.12

Wie fühlst du dich über eine Wille? Ich fühle mich über eine Wille. Es ist nicht mein Geld.

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3362.228

Pearl.

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3379.207

I don't know. Some people feel strongly one way or the other. They feel that children should get nothing. They should do it on their own. And some people that I know wholly reject the idea of getting anything inherited. That's just part of the problem in the world. A lot of rich people, they just keep passing down their money.

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3401.304

Listen, I accept, but I don't expect. You know what I'm saying? That's what it is. And if I was like, I might feel differently if my father was a billionaire. If he was a billionaire, I might feel strongly that, no, I don't want any of your money. Give it away. Or can you give me a billion? Because I think that'll do it.

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3427.649

his children have to spend all that money in 20 years yeah i could do that family and the board yeah but what do you i mean if you give it to your kids and they have to spend it in 20 years it's not a hard thing to do just buy a foundation okay all right yeah is that the guy who built the aquarium bernie marcus yes it is okay all right well he built that aquarium He's done a lot of good.

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Last time he was hanging onto the side of the plane while it took off, this time he's doing circles in the air with the airplane, does all of his own flying, or most of his own flying for that Top Gun movie, which is just insanity, the way that they fly those planes. I mean, you are...

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To which I say thanks. I love that aquarium. Yeah, it's a great aquarium. No doubt it's a great aquarium. And what else did he do for us?

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You look it up.

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I don't have that kind of time.

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Ich auch. Also, tcbpodcast.com, that's where you get your free sticker. You'll figure it out. I'm not worried about it. Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today.

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But I'll tell you that I love you.

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Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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Goodbye.

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Never saw it.

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Yeah, I don't want to like it and that's why I'm not watching it. Because I know I'll like it once I watch it. It's like that Wahlburgers. It's okay to like it. It's like Wahlburgers. I'm not going in there because I don't want to like a Wahlburger. You know what I'm saying? I just don't. I'm sorry. I just don't want to go in and like a Wahlburger.

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There are just some things in life you don't do because you know you will then become one of those, you know, I don't go to a Trump rally.

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I don't want to admit.

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That, ah, you know, I don't like most of what he says, but there's a few things in there that I can agree with. It's true, it's true. I mean, you know, you just, you know you're laying, you stay in it, and you know, that's what most of us do, I think.

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I didn't want to be a Cobra Breath guy, but now I'm a Kundalini guy. Guru Biju.

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That's it.

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That's the Cobra Breath. But you gotta breathe into your third eye. Just remember that. There's a third hole in your head and you gotta breathe into it. Or at least imagine you are. I just did that and now one of my ears is clogged. Thanks Kundalini. I can't hear. I went deaf. Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

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Meanwhile, Tom Cruise is 30,000 feet in the air doing circles on the top of an airplane, spinning around like an idiot. Brian does the cobra breath once, goes deaf in his right ear. That's about right. How did my stunt make me deaf? Tom's like the one step away from God. Scientology, I'm not going to talk about it, because every time I do, the episode ends up not... We attempted it.

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I think it just bears repeating. Chrissy and I tried multiple attempts to do like an expose, and I say an expose, like the commercial breaks 60 minutes or something. I think we tried to talk about it.

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No, we can't.

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Exposé.

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Yeah, this is why we desperately need someone to keep us honest in this studio, because we just cannot get the facts right. Christina, soon she should be joining us here in the studio, which will be fun. But like permanently, on a permanent basis, like sitting here with us, helping us do the show. But anyway, me too.

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But, you know, we tried to do this, we tried to have these conversations and point out some of the hypocrisy and weirder things about Scientology. And every time that we did, some kind of technical mishap happened. Like the power went out. It didn't record for some reason. The screen only recorded black. And I am not kidding you, this happened on four different occasions.

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And that weirded us so far out that we decided, let's just drop it. Und es war nicht so, als ob wir das zurück zu zurück gemacht hätten. Wir haben versucht, das über Wochen zu machen. Und es kam einfach nie raus. Deswegen hast du nie einen Episode über Scientology gehört, hier auf der Kommerzpause. Aber, weißt du, anyway.

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Es ging klar.

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Going clear. I have clear. Do you have clear? Clear a lot of times though. Clear the airport thing. A lot of times, like Astrid and I went to go do the surgery. And did I tell you this about my surgery? I don't know if I told you this. I go, we get to the airport and we, here in Atlanta, of course, Atlanta is the world's busiest airport. So we have a lot of technological advancements.

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Like we seem to be one of the first to always get the new shit for security. We have those. They look like airplane engines, but they're x-ray machines and they're like particle detectors. They're looking for certain types of radioactive particles, bomb particles, gunpowder, stuff like that. So it's not a normal x-ray machine. And they also use AI.

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So they will light up certain objects that seem suspicious and then, you know, you'll get a pair of eyes on it. It's really amazing how far the technology has come. And they do the same thing basically with your body. You know, you stand there and you put your hands in the air. You're not supposed to have anything on you. They're looking for certain objects and particles inside of your body.

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So anyway... Hier in Atlanta haben sie jetzt fünf verschiedene Versionen der Sicherheitslinie. Es gibt die normale Sicherheitslinie, die die meisten Leute durchführen. Sie gehen einfach durch sie.

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Es gibt natürlich die Clear, die sie in zehn, elf Orten im Land haben, die ein privates Service ist, das einen Hintergrundschutz aufnimmt und einen Hintergrundschutz aufnimmt, wie ein TSA-Pre-Schutz, aber es ist ein privates Service, das die Regierung verwendet. And you use your eyes. And you use your eyes. You use your retinas. In most cases.

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Some people use their fingerprints if they have something wrong with their eyes. But most people use their eyes. So you go up to a machine. It scans your retina. It detects who you are. You don't have to take out your identification. Most cases you do not have to take off your shoes, belt or take out your computer. You just put it all in and you go through a special line.

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Then there's TSA PreCheck, which is a lot like Clear, but it's run by the government. You can also then have TSA Clear, TSA PreCheck with Clear. Which it makes no difference whatsoever. It's all the same even though it sounds fancy, it's not. And now they have digital identification if you're going on a Delta flight.

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On this episode of the Commercial Break.

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Ich habe das auch. Und Digital ID, es wird auf deinem Ticket oder deinem Handy zeigen, wenn du die App hast, es wird zeigen und wir haben es gehabt, ich habe es seitdem es rausgekommen ist, plötzlich haben sie mir gesagt, dass ich auf die Digital ID-Linie gehen soll. Ich war so, okay, was auch immer. Und so machen sie viel das gleiche.

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Sie scannen deine Augen, sie nehmen ein Bild von dir, sie scannen deine Augen, du musst durch eine Version der Sicherheit gehen, aber du nimmst nie deine Identifikation raus.

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Ich liebe es. Ja. So sometimes the wait at the regular security line can be 30 or 40 minutes on a bad day. It's not usually like that, but on a bad day. But at least 15, most days that you're flying. But digital ID, five minutes tops, right?

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Ja, ich meine, ich glaube nicht, dass sie den Kampf gemacht hätten. Nein. Nein. Nein. But let there be sweet justice in this universe and let him get the holy shit knocked out of him. I don't want to see the guy permanently hurt. I just want to see Mike Tyson just hit him a couple of times hard. Knock him out. Knock him out.

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Yeah, you breeze through. So, okay, so we go and then we go to Tampa. We do the digital, Astrid has it too. We go to digital ID. I also have pre-check. So, you know, how I got pre-check, I have no idea, quite frankly, but I got through.

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They approved you. Yeah.

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So we get down to Tampa and we rent the car. Astrid rents the car because I'm having surgery, so it's likely I won't be able to drive, right? Why we rented a car, I don't know, because we rent the car, we drive out of the airport, we literally go through one light and there is the hotel. We could have walked there in less time than it took us to get the car.

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By the way, when we got down to Tampa, Astrid was like... Wir sind auf dem Flugzeug und Astrid fragt mich, was ich tue. Sie fragt mich, ob ich ein Auto verkaufe. Und ich sage, du verkaufst ein Auto? Du hast kein Auto verkauft? Sie sagt, nein, ich dachte, wir verkaufen ein Auto, wenn wir landen.

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Well, then she rents a car from some place called like, you know, Chewy's Rent-A-Car or something like that. Like, you know, whatever, you know, Ringo's Rent-A-Car. And I'm like, where is that? And she's like, I don't know. It's just a Rent-A-Car. It's cheap. You know, I look at it. The Rent-A-Car place is literally four miles from the airport. And I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no, babe.

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We're not going to go get in an Uber and drive here and go there to get Ringo's fucking... Who the fuck has ever heard of Ringo's? Right? Pele's Rent-A-Car.

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No shuttle for Ringo's. You got to get there on your own. Und übrigens, Astrid ist der Planer, der Vacation-Planer, der Travel-Planer, ganz ehrlich gesagt, der Planer meines Lebens. Sie ist der Planer von allem. Und es überrascht mich, dass sie bis zum letzten Moment warten musste, um das zu tun.

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Aber ich verstehe auch, dass wir sehr beschäftigt sind mit anderen Reisen und Krankheiten und all diesem anderen Sachen. So we get to the airport and I'm like, no, no, no, cancel that, call them, tell them we didn't make the flight, whatever you have to say to get the $25 deposit back. And I walk, we go to the rent-a-car place and I walk up to Budget and there's no one standing there.

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Budget, Avis, no one, anywhere, except for the workers, like two of them. And I go to the kiosk to rent a car and some guy comes from behind the counter. I have a ticket in my hand, like, you know, your number 42 waiting to be served. He takes the ticket out of my hand and rips it up. He was so fucking rude. And he's like, no cars. And I go, what do you mean, no cars?

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And he goes, you don't have a reservation? I go, no. He goes, we have no cars. And I was like, oh, okay, I'll go somewhere else. Thanks very much. He goes, no cars there or there or there either. No cars. And I go, why? We were in Tampa after the hurricane. People's cars get washed away. The insurance company tells them to go rent a car.

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They have to go to the airport because that's where most of the cars are, right? So we ended up going to like, you know, I don't know. Pepe's Auto or something like that. It was like this tiny little desk in the back of the Rent-A-Car place. Astrid rents the car. We get to the hotel. Hotel's in my name. Lady goes, major credit card and ID, like always, right? Major credit card, ID.

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I take out my major credit card. I cannot find my identification. It's nowhere to be found. And I'm like, oh, I don't have an ID on me. And she's like, well, okay, just give me your phone number. Like, you know, give me your phone number. You have the credit card. Just give me your phone number. It's fine. And I'm like, okay, but... What about flying back? And then I was like, okay.

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Oh my God, I just like, my stomach sunk. And I'm like, do I call my dad and have him FedEx my ID? Where is my ID? Where did I leave it? Und mein kalsiumgefülltes Gehirn kann nicht einmal erinnern, wann ich meine ID benutzt habe. Ich habe eine digitale Fahrradlizenz, übrigens, in der Stadt von Georgia. Also manchmal verliere ich das Haus. Meine Kreditkarten sind auf meinem Telefon.

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Meine ID ist auf meinem Telefon. Bilder meines Passports sind auf meinem Telefon. Ich weiß nicht, brauche ich manchmal wirklich eine Wallet? Nicht wirklich. Also checken wir in das Hotel und wir kommen da hin und ich bin so, Babe, ich habe meine Vergangenheit vergessen. Sie ist so, holy shit. Ich sage, oh ja, aber keine Sorge, wir haben diese digitale ID.

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But then I realized, after some research, Atlanta is one of two places that has digital ID in the world. And Tampa doesn't have it. And they don't have Clear. And I'm like, holy shit.

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Ja, ja. Und dann ist Clear nur in 11 Locations. Also war ich so, oh, scheiße, Buzz, was mache ich? Ich habe die Surgery. Wir sind nur da für einen Tag und einen halben, zwei Tage, zwei Nachts. Und du kannst es nirgendwo finden. But I'm like, oh shit, I have pictures of it, right? So I'm like, okay, I'm not going to worry about it. I'm googling.

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I hear some people say, you know, oh, they have TSA PreCheck there. They can run your fingerprint, whatever. So the morning that we're leaving, So you actually called the airport and not the airline? No, I called the airport. I didn't even know you could call the airport. Yes, of course. There's a phone somewhere.

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So let me get this straight, Billy. Yeah. You had hotels that you put on the website that people could go stay at. Somebody called them. They said, we have no idea what you're talking about. First, we're hearing of it. So you terminated your relationship with them.

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That's what I imagine.

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Such a shit show, performers. What are you going to have, a girl with like a, you know those girls who wear the metal boobs and then they take like a drill to it and make sparks?

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Woo, I paid a million dollars. I paid a million dollars for a private plane all the way down.

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I imagine the private plane is like the TCB plane. It's like got one wing, one propeller that works. You're not going to get down there in one piece. What are you thinking?

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How do you give part of the budget of the festival to restitution?

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So you're taking investors' money and you're paying the other people back? It doesn't make any sense. That's a Ponzi scheme. It's a total Ponzi scheme. This guy doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. If you... Listen, in the festival community, Billy's name is Mud. And it's never going to be any better until he partners with a legitimate festival organizer.

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And he sits in the background and learns how to do it a couple of times. And then maybe he can do his own festival.

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This is a total sham. Yeah. Mempho, produced by Billy McFarlane. Good evening, everybody. Okay. All right. You get the gist of it. He goes on and on. He addresses every point. And it's all bullshit. I have a team down there that doesn't F around. Well, I'm convinced.

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Yeah, where are those people and why aren't they talking? Where are those people and why aren't they saying something? And why hasn't anyone knocked on the door of the Cancun mayor's office and said, hey, I'd like to bring 50,000 people down here to have a festival and here's what it's going to do for the community and here's how we're going to work with you.

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If they are saying out loud, the government of Cancun is saying, we have no idea what this guy is talking about and it's not happening unless we do, this is Mexico. This ain't Northeast Arkansas where you can just get buddies together and throw up a stage and have a couple beers. This isn't Muddenfest Part 2.

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He didn't. No. So what are you going to do? Steph Curry's going to show up and bounce a basketball? What's happening? I'm not paying $1,400 for that. I'm sure Steph is a nice guy. I'm sure he's really talented at basketball. He is, obviously, but I'm not going to pay to watch him bounce a basketball. And unless Steph Curry is spending the night in my hotel room, I'm not paying $1,400.

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Yeah, it's March.

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You should have done this seven months ago, eight months ago, nine a year ago. I mean, we talked about this. Bonnaroo is the gold standard of three-day festivals.

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Pre-sale discounts.

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Nothing like having a 24-year-old beautiful nurse shave your hairy, fat chest so she can get the suction cups on. Okay, I get all the suction cups on. And I'm walking out of the place and I notice that under my shirt, it just looks like I... I'm sorry, it looks like I have a bum. That's what it looks like. It looks like I'm in Ireland during the Troubles. And look out. I look like an IRA member.

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Yes, because he just screwed like 10,000 people. And it was so bad that the bands didn't even make the flight to go down there.

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Two.

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One of the producers gave a blowjob for water. Or he was going to.

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Where's that guy? If that guy's involved, I'll trust it. Maybe. Maybe. Because at least he seemed like he was willing to get shit done. Billy, meanwhile, was with Ja Rule on some pig island or something. Yeah.

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international you know Kylie Jenner swimming in a bikini I don't know what was going on it was awful it was terrible it was all hype no substance and this time Billy you gotta be all substance and no hype you just have to put a like every other festival in the world put a website together a really clean website where you don't have to use half of your fucking phone's memory to get it loaded a really clean website that says these three nights these three musicians are headlining here's some supporting acts

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It's a reasonable ticket amount. Come have fun down in Cancun. I promise this time it's going off. And these are the people that are handling the money. And these are the people that are going to keep you safe. And here's the local government that we're working with to make sure that everyone gets in and out in an orderly way. All of this other shit is just noise.

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And Billy is trying to pull the wool over whose eyes? I don't know. I don't know.

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He claims that he's already sold whatever, a Phoenix ticket or a Phoenix fire ticket or whatever it is. Some weird name, Prometheus. Oh, yeah, Prometheus. And Prometheus, isn't he the guy who set the world on fire or something? I think Prometheus, the god that set the world on fire. Anyway, don't buy Fyre Fest 2 tickets.

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That's a little piece of advice from your friends here at the commercial break. And if you have, well, shame on you.

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I don't think anybody's bought tickets. I really don't. I believe that Billy is in a panic now because this bad press has come out and everyone is saying, no way am I putting $1,400 down. I don't care if you're Elon fucking Musk. $1,400 is $1,400.

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And you don't just piss that away because if you buy that, there is zero chance that you will get your money back if shit goes sideways because he doesn't have it. He is desperately trying to collect money so he can put it together.

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It really is unbelievable. And shame on anybody who's part, any of these artists or whoever they are, and athletes. And listen, I understand everyone's got to make money and maybe Billy's paying you under the table or whatever's going on. Whatever your deal is personally, or maybe you like Billy as a friend, I'm not sure. But shame on you.

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You should also be doing your homework and saying, if this is not really happening, Billy, I cannot have my name on it. Period. End of sentence. Because the thing is, he gets a few famous people involved. Now, all of a sudden, everybody thinks it's legit and they're buying tickets.

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That's what happened last time. All of those models went and started swimming in the water.

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Cheese sandwiches and muddy tents. They didn't even have tents. They weren't even set up. They were trying to set them up themselves, glamping. It was like... A porta-toilet, a portalette, and a blow-up mattress. That's not glamping. That is regular camping, as far as I'm concerned. All right, well, you get the point. Don't go to Billy's Festival.

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Oh, me too.

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Yeah.

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Absolutely. Well, this reel was put out over a week ago as we're recording this, and my suspicion is...

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it's like radio silence now because now he's really he's really fucked because now to the today show has de-skinned him or skinned him or whatever and uh there's nothing else to do he's not you can't recover from that in two months if you had a year maybe but in two months it's just not gonna happen all right okay let's uh let's take a break and then i don't know what we're gonna talk about we'll figure it out we'll be back

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Thank God I didn't have to go to the airport. Thank God.

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All right. Hey, I wanted to let you I'm going to remind you that Kathleen Madigan was on the show this week. Her fall tour tickets are now available. They're on sale at her website, Kathleen Madigan dot com. I will put a link in the show notes. You can go listen to Tuesday's episode with her. What a great guest. Kathleen Madigan is like.

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It's just so familiar that her whole personality is so familiar to me. And it felt like being a family function.

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Yeah, she was great. And I hope that she comes back on again. I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around Nate Borgazzi, Ron White. Kathleen Madigan. Who else did she say? She said some other famous person. All playing golf behind her house, like, you know, teeing it up during the pandemic.

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Yeah, and fishing. I think that's great. I think it's great. And I went back and looked at her Instagram. You could see pictures of her and Ron and stuff like that. So anyway, KathleenMadigan.com. Go check out her tickets.

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Oh, Louis Black.

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She had to turn it off. Yes. So Louis Black. That's so on brand for Louis Black. And I also wanted to give a big shout out to Ari Shafir. Ari, of course, is on his farewell tour, which just means he's taking some time off, probably some well-deserved time. He's taking some time off. He's going away for a year or two and then he'll come back. But he's on his farewell tour right now.

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He's swinging through Atlanta this weekend. We're going to go see him. We're really excited about this. I want to thank him very much. He was kind enough to send us some tickets. And then encourage you to go buy some tickets. I can't send you free tickets. I'm sorry. You don't have the kind of clout that TCB has. Huh? All right?

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Yeah. You're not bringing in pot brownies. Okay? That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm trying to say. Anyway, Ari Shafir at arishafir.com. You can go and check out his tour tickets are available. Go see Ari and listen to his podcast also. So Kathleen Madigan, Ari, go check that out. There's a very interesting trend that's going on, and I'd like your thoughts on it. Puffy pussy.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris Joy Holdley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. I came in there a little hot. I'm sad.

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Have you heard of puffy pussy?

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You haven't heard of puffy pussy?

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I think this seems to me to be a very dangerous thing to do, but what the fuck do I know? I'm not a medical professional, though I did spend the night at a Holiday Inn last night, and I am a Google doctor. I will say that.

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I do know how to Google the shit out of some shit.

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Yeah. I know how to go down a rabbit hole medically.

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I know all the places to go. I know all the things to look for.

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Yeah, chatty GPT knows all my conditions. It actually knows I'm a hypochondriac. It's like, settle down. You're not sick. Yeah. this is nothing to worry about a couple of I'll share this a couple of When I went through the whole thing with the parathyroid and my calcium levels were through the roof and my parathyroid hormone was through the roof for many, many years and it kind of went unnoticed.

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When I finally got diagnosed that some of the things that I was experiencing, some of the symptoms I was having were due to this high calcium level and the high parathyroid level and the tumor in my throat, the rather large one.

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Um, one of the follow-up items was you got to go see a cardiologist because of course, having that much calcium in your blood for that long could cause damage to your heart. It could be, could collect in your arteries or whatever. You got to go get it checked out just to make sure.

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So I go and, you know, they do an echocardiogram and an EKG and all this, and they say, Hey, listen, you know, your heart looks healthy. Everything looks good. Your blood pressure's a little high, but all right. You know, everything else looking good. Thank God. But then a couple of months later, I start feeling like my heart is skipping a beat, like a palpitation.

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And while I've always had this sensation, like sometimes when I'm laying in bed at night, you know, when everything's quiet, I'll feel my heart skip a beat. I don't know if you've ever felt this.

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It's extraordinarily common.

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But that doesn't stop Brian from completely freaking out about it. Completely freaking out. Because I usually experience it at night, but then all of a sudden I'm experiencing it during the day, it's happening much more frequently, and it's noticeable. And if you've ever felt your heart skip a beat, the thing is, it happens to everybody.

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It's called a PVC, a premature, you know, I don't know, vasectomy... coming. I don't know what it's called. It's called something, PVC. And it happens to everybody. It's just when your heart just, it pumps one extra and it gives you the sensation that your heart has skipped a beat. But this is really not what's happening. It's got an extra beat. So this happens to everybody.

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I'm just getting used to things. It's new in here and I'm getting used to it. I looked last night, I was sitting in this chair and I was doing like some tech checks.

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It's usually represents much less than two or 3% of your total heartbeats over the course of a given period of time. But Brian is freaking out about this so much. I run to the cardiologist and he says, okay, I'm No problem. We know exactly what to do here. We're going to fit you with a heart monitor. For seven days. And I was, I thought to myself, oh, okay, how do you do that? What's that?

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Like you put on a ring or, you know, we're all so used to these gadgets. I'm like, do I have a wearable? Are you going to take my data from? And he's like, well, we actually don't. We have so many of these tests going on that we don't have one available. You got to wait your turn. So come back in a couple of weeks and we'll fit you with it. And I'm thinking, fit me with it.

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He's like, yeah, it's a little thing that goes around your chest. Don't worry. It's fine. You'll be fine. So I go a couple of weeks ago and I'm like, okay, it's my appointment day. And it's been a month since I've been to the doctor. You know, I've been waiting a month for this. And of course, now I'm not experiencing the things that I was experiencing before.

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So it's just like taking your dog to the vet. Everything's wrong with your or your tooth hurts and you get there and it's no longer hurting or whatever you get. So I show up and I this nice young lady and she's got this black box. It looks like a small suitcase. And she's like, OK, I'm fitting you today with a whatever, a heart monitor X220. And I'm like, OK, great. How do we do this?

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It is a full EKG machine that you wear on your body, wires and all. So she is explaining to me this thing as she's taking, unboxing it. And I am thinking to myself, holy shit, that's like 50 feet worth of wires. That's those stickers you got to put on your body. It's the things you got to clip into the stickers. It's the little suction cups that go in.

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On your body. Yes.

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I'm like a walking telephone pole, you know, but not the kind here in America, like the kind down in, you know, Argentina where all the wires are coming out of the box. Like people hook up directly to the transformer. You know what I'm saying? They plug stuff in into the transformer.

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Oh my God. Look at the amount of wires. And then it's just a whole mess. It's a whole thing. We really need Odyssey to come in here and clean this shit up for us. That should be in our next contract negotiation. Help us figure out wires in our studio. Because you know that at least half of these don't do anything. No. They're just hanging down, hoping at some day to be useful to somebody.

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It's like, you know, you go to some of those places like the favelas and stuff and people literally run an extension cord and then they cut the extension cord off and they plug it into the transformer themselves. So this lady's taking out all these wires and these suction cups and these stickers, and I'm thinking to myself, holy shit. And she's like, don't work. It's really quite cool.

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They're very small. And I'm thinking to myself, nothing is small about what you're showing me, but okay. It's a machine, I would say, the size of my cell phone. But it's heavier and it's bigger. It's thicker. And it's got one big button in the front of it. And it's got a little small screen. And that big button you're supposed to press anytime you feel that sensation or any sensation.

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Aching, dizziness, confusion, whatever it is. I mean, I don't know how you're confused. You're pressing the button. But okay, you know. You're supposed to press the button and let them know which symptom you're feeling. Meanwhile, 24 hours a day, unless you are showering, you've got to be hooked up to this monitor that then hooks up to this larger clunky thing.

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Or you can wear a small, I would say it's like the size of a key chain. You can put that key chain into one of the suction cups and that acts as like a sixth suction cup. So it's like this confusing mass of wires and machines that you've got to carry around with you at all times. You can't be more than 50 feet from the base station. You have to charge the base station while you're wearing it.

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It's a whole thing. I could do this for at least seven days is what she says. The doctor may want more information, but at least seven days. Chrissy.

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Yeah, I know. That's what I said to her. I said, do I? I've got a ring. Yeah. I've got an Oura ring. Do you want that data?

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Because my Oura ring is this small. And it can tell me whether or not I'm having a good day or a bad day based on every, it can tell me my cardio age, how I slept, whether or not I'm sick. And you're giving me this clunky piece of wiry shit that I got to wear around for seven days. Oh, and by the way, it's being monitored 24 hours a day. It has a cell phone signal.

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And she says, so if anything goes wrong, They're going to call you. And I was like, like wrong, like what? And she's like, do they see anything weird? They're going to give you a call to make sure you're OK. And I thought to myself, well, that's kind of big brotherish. But OK, let's let's get this over with. I'm in this far. I'm in this far.

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So I've got all of these wires that are big and bulky sitting under my shirt. Oh, and by the way, because I have the world's largest amount of chest hair that I have to manage on a daily basis, she can't get the suction cups on, so she's got to take her own razor and shave my chest. Nothing like having a 24-year-old beautiful nurse shave your hairy, fat chest. So she can get the suction cups on.

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Okay, I get all the suction cups on. And I'm walking out of the place, and I notice that under my shirt, it just looks like I – I'm sorry. It looks like I have a bum. That's what it looks like. It looks like I'm in Ireland during the Troubles. And look out. I look like an IRA member.

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But okay, here I am. I'm running around with all these wires sticking under my shirt. So now I got to pick bulky clothing so it doesn't look like I'm about to kill everybody in the place. And I'm walking around. Well, just my luck, on the third day of wearing this, we have to go to a kid's birthday party.

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With all of the people that I know from the school already hate me because of the commercial break. Now I got to go in there and try and explain away all the wires sticking out of my chest. I'm doing the show right now. Yeah. You're on.

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No, that's not a heart monitor. That's seven microphones hooked up to my body.

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And that's probably never going to happen. Sorry, guys. It's probably never going to happen. You're always going to be hanging there doing nothing.

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Every fart, every movement, every burp and palpitation recorded in hi-fi so you can hear it. So I go into this place. This is actually a pretty cool birthday party. Here's the thing.

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I didn't go to the cheese. I wish I had gone to the cheese because the food was really good there. But this was an idea that on paper sounded terrible, but in reality ended up being fantastic.

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So I never know about any of this stuff until like minutes before we're leaving. You know what I'm saying? I just can't remember. I don't keep up with it. It's on the family calendar. I can see it, but whatever. I'll look at it. I'll look at it that day. So Astrid says to me, yeah, we're going to a place that sells – swing sets, and play sets for backyards.

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trampolines okay big you know jungle gyms and uh tree houses and all this we're going to this place that sells it and i thought to myself one of two things either these people are friends with the people who own it and they're allowing us to go in there and hang out or this is the cheapest way to do a birthday party ever just have everybody show up at the place that's meet me there you meet me there and you know hey we're thinking about buying do you mind if i eat my birthday cake here

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Oh, my God. We have more five-hour energies than we know what to do with. If you want a five-hour energy, let us know. We'll send you a few. Thank you to Five Hour Energy, by the way, a sponsor of the show. Love me some five-hour energy. But we have a lot of five-hour energy in here.

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I was so, like, I thought to myself, oh, okay, that's interesting. I've never seen this. Yeah, that's new to me. But we show up. It's, like, in a strip, like, an industrial strip mall or something like that. And I thought, this is, like, really weird. But we walk in, and this place is a wonderland of these huge swing sets, jungle gyms, tree houses. Oh, yeah.

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in-the-ground trampolines, above-the-ground trampolines, all of this stuff indoors. It's kind of cold outside, a little muggy and a little rainy. So we go there, and it's perfect. And you can go on any of them. All the kids just go, and they play on all of these beautiful swing sets and play places and all this other stuff.

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And they rent the place out for a couple hundred dollars an hour on weekends, and you can just go and hang out. Makes sense, I guess.

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And you don't have the place to yourself. There can be people in that are coming to look at the swing sets, but they're bringing their children too. So, you know, there was a couple of people that walked in during that time. But this was the most brilliant idea.

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At the end of the day, it was like really fun for everybody, including me, who's wearing a heart monitor, jumping on the trampoline with the kids.

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I'm like double bouncing these small children and the parents are like... Does he have a bomb in his shirt or what's going on there? I'm sweating profusely because I have a sweater on because I'm trying to cover up the wires. But the entire time, like I know some of these people, the entire time I'm talking to them, all I can see them doing is staring at the wires under my shirt. That's it.

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I mean, it was an interesting afternoon. It was an interesting seven days. And now I have these, like, the skin has been ripped off the places where I had these things because I had to change the stickers every day. And it was just a lot. I'm pressing that button left and right. Anyway, so I go, you know, I get all that done. And the doctor says, well, you had 1,685.

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PVCs while we were doing this, while we were having this. But that represents much less than 1% of the total beats of your heart. So you're in good shape.

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You know, that's one of the, I mean, we don't get a lot of perks for being a middling comedy podcast. It's not like, you know, we get red carpet invitations or anything like that. Huge gift bags. Huge gift bag. No, no, no. None of that stuff. I wish. But what we do get on occasion is our sponsors are nice enough to send us some stuff like Dollar Shave Club.

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Yeah. And I'm like, oh, okay. I guess I'll just have this weird sensation that my heart is stopping every five seconds. No problem, doc. Something you could do about that? And I've learned that there is a procedure. When your heart gets out of whack, when you got like more than 10 or 15% of your beats are like that, there's a couple of procedures they can do.

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One of them is literally shocking it back into rhythm. Stop your heart, start it again. So it gets into rhythm, like into a sinus rhythm. And I thought to myself, oh Lord, don't let that be me. Because knowing me and my wire propensity, it's going to be hooked up the wrong way and it's just going to stop and not start again. Anyway, was going to talk about Puffy Pussy, so let's do that.

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So let's talk about Puffy Pussy on the next segment. I'll make you listen to some commercials. I'll make you wait for Puffy Pussy, okay? You're not getting your Puffy Pussy here. No Puffy Tacos here, kids. We'll have to talk about it when we get back.

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All right, Puffy Tacos. That's what we're talking about. Puffy Tacos. So I saw this reel a couple weeks ago. Saw a reel, two ladies talking about their friends had been discussing how they had...

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injectables like in plumpers like lip plumpers butt plumper you know plumpers around your eyes or whatever there are now doctors plastic surgeons types that are injecting that into women's labias to increase the size of their labia and make it look more full more plump more I guess would be the right word to put it.

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And these ladies were explaining that as you get older, the labia loses some elasticity. It loses some of that plumpiness. And when you have children, sometimes they can do damage to the actual labia, not damage, but it just it can stretch it and make it look different and all that other stuff.

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And so they're so they're like, I guess the bottom line was some women are getting these so they can encourage a camel toe because it's not like the inner labia. It's the outer labia. So they're getting these injectables into their outer labia so that they can enhance the camel toe, so to speak. Which is really interesting to me. And I don't know.

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I mean, I don't love the idea of putting something like that so close to something so sensitive, but I don't have one. So I don't know. And if someone could tell me that I could actually see my penis if I plumped it up with something. I might do that. I might do that. I might inject something. And I know that there are guys who do procedures like this to enhance the look of their penis.

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I got a really nice shaving kit from them with a bunch of stuff in it. It was it was a really nice gift, actually. It was very well presented. Very nice gift. But that's one of the very few things that you can like say, oh, that's a perk of being a comedy podcast in the middle of the pack. But 5-Hour Energy was nice enough to send us a bunch of 5-Hour Energy.

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Yes.

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Yes, he's injecting Botox into his penis. And if I'm not mistaken, he has had some kind of filler in there to keep it rigid and firm and all that stuff. Listen, I mean, yeah. Okay. Here's the thing. If you're doing it for you and it's something that you really like the look of your vagina better when it's fuller and it gives that camel toe appearance, God bless you, child.

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Do what you're going to do. Do each their own.

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This is what I'm thinking is we are going to have these knockoff yahoos.

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Oh, yeah. People have died. They have had all kinds of sicknesses and illnesses because people are taking like common household. They're taking silicone injectable, like the stuff you would put on a crack in your tile. And they are filling people's butts with that stuff. I read an article about a lady who went to one of these knockoff whatever's down in – I think it was Jamaica.

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She was a medical tourist. She went down there. She wanted the big, beautiful butt that Kim Kardashian has ushered in this world of big, beautiful butts. And she went down there to get that – Like, full look. And the guy was taking silicone he bought at Home Depot for tiles.

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And sticking it in her ass. And you know what? It did not end up well for her. Go fucking figure. She ended up in the hospital, all kind of sick, years of treatments. It was really quite this thing because it's not like they can just suck it back out. It floats around your body and your body sucks it up. So that's the only, like...

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And I know that there are medical grade silicone that obviously they've tested and must be approved by if there is an FDA, the FDA. If there's an FDA left, the FDA. You know, it's just so but it's so foreign to me that you would want to like stick that in such a sensitive area. But God bless you.

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I haven't met a vagina that I don't like yet. Haven't met one. There's not one vagina that I've looked at, been around, seen myself where I thought to myself, oh, I don't want to have anything to do with that. Right. I think they're all beautiful in their own way.

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Yeah.

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But. You know. It's a trend to get it all freshened up down there, right? To get it high and tight.

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Yes. Yes, that's where you have like a spa.

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Yes, yeah. But didn't we do a... We did.

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Sage it and clean it with wax. Yeah. It sounds painful. It sounds painful to steam your vagina. But this is the new trend. Puffy pussy is the new trend. And, you know, I think we're going to be hearing a lot more about this in the future. And I'll get it done to mine and I'll let you know when it happens. But basically camel toes are in. Camel toes are in.

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Yeah, like nipples are seeing their moment right now. I think you see that in a lot of fashion. Many, many.

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Yeah, that's Kim Kardashian ushered that in too. And listen, I'm not bothered by a nipple. I don't think there's any reason to be ashamed of a nipple. It's a nipple.

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It's not going to kill anybody. And guys have their shirts off all the time. We see guys' nipples all the time. We have hyper-sexualized women's breasts. And there's like this fantasy fetish. And of course, breasts are awesome also. I haven't met a boob I don't like either, right?

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So I understand there's certain connotations and there's a lot of people who may feel more shy about sharing that message. That nipple with the world?

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But I was looking at Chappelle Roan with a couple of her girlfriends at one of the fashion houses in Milan Fashion Week or whatever. And without exception, there was like four of them sitting in a row. And without exception, each one of them had at least one of their nipples out, like in showing. But I thought it was all tasteful. I thought, oh, okay. All right. You know, there's the nipple.

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You got it flaunting. There it is. Yeah. And I think camel toe, just like the nipple, is the next. We talked about it. We said, hey, listen, going 100% naked to the Grammys, not a fantastic idea, in my opinion. It's all just clickbait bullshit. But... After the nipples out, there's only one other place to go, and that's down south. Penises are seeing their moment.

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We haven't really talked about this yet, but we'll get to it. But we are planning something big for our five years. Yeah, it's unannounced. But for our fifth year anniversary as a podcast, as a middling comedy podcast. We are planning something really big, so stay tuned. Well, we'll throw the name out there and then you guys can kind of figure out what it is. The 12 Hours of TCB.

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We're seeing a lot of full frontal penises on television and prestige TV and movies. And camel toes are seeing their moment also. And if my Instagram is any indication, camel toes are a hot trend right now.

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Yeah. And there's so much camel toe content out there. You would be surprised, Chrissy.

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I am a man. So Instagram has instantaneously served me up every camel toe and nipple that is available on there. And for a platform that says it stays away from sexual content, there sure is a lot of hypersexual content on Instagram. And that's why I say, uh-uh, uh-uh. When my kids, they pick up my phone, they want to play a song on Spotify or whatever.

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And then the other day I found the youngest of them flipping through Instagram. And I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. My algorithm is not for children. My algorithm is not for children. Whether it's a crazy person talking to themselves about whatever conspiracy theory or Chappelle Roan's nipples out. It's just not for children. And not that I care.

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I don't want my children also to have hangups like I did, like a Catholic, like about every body part that you ever have should be hidden away from the world forever. But at the same. But there's a time and a place where that's appropriate. And there's a time and a place. And especially my daughters. I just want to keep them down in the basement. I just want to keep them down in the basement.

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That's all I want to do. You know, and I say this about plastic surgery and rejuvenation and all that. I think there is taking it too far. I definitely think that's there. And I think we're now seeing that some of the injectables that people put into their faces are not working out long term, especially if they're overdoing it.

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The lip fillers, the cheek fillers, the eyebrow fillers, the forehead fillers.

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Yeah, but it's like moving all over their faces.

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They are...

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Listen, you got to.

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Make your own decisions. And if it's for you and you love it. Yeah. Great. I'm all about it. Right. And as long as it and it's not harming anyone else around. Right. Right. You don't do harm to yourself. I don't love the idea, but that's your choice, not mine. And those two girls are a prime example of how it can be overdone real quick. They don't look human anymore. To me, they don't look human.

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But obviously, there are people who are attracted to them. There's lots of men that are attracted to those two two girls. To me, it's way overkill. Those lips are like big hot air balloons and their cheeks are out to here. You can't even see their eyes anymore because they're between the fillers in their forehead and the fillers in their cheeks. They're like, ah, it's just too much.

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And then the boobs and the butt and everything else that's been done. It looks so plastic. Fantastic. But even the cat woman, the lady who had so much plastic surgery to make herself look like a cat, even she was attracting men at her advanced age looking like a weird cat. Honestly, she was somebody was attracted to that look. Somebody felt it. I guess that's a good thing, too.

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Like it goes to show that no matter what you look like. And what you do to yourself and what your personal preferences are with makeup and clothing and styling your hair or whatever. Somebody is going to be into you. Somebody is going to love that look.

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Might not be my thing, but who fucking cares? You know, I'm only one guy. I can only have so many wives. That's it. Okay. Twelve. That's how many wives. According to Job. J-O-B Job. Yes. I just want to make this quick mention and then I'll move on. I promise I'll move on from it. 90 Day Fiancé, brand new season. I'm not watching it with any intent. It's on in the background.

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When I was fixing the studio, it was on in the background. 90 Day Fiancé, they have their first thruple. Their first thruple. So they have two girls, one guy. The girl that the wife that he currently has is Brazilian, I believe. The third person they are bringing into the marriage, the woman, is a stripper from Tijuana. From Tijuana. They're all beautiful. They're all good looking human beings.

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And then I'll let you chew on that until we have all of the details nailed down and we are 100 percent sure that this is actually happening. It's probably best that we just leave it. Probably.

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They're all beautiful. And I am so this is the one storyline where I'm like, OK, I'll pay attention to this story. That's interesting. Yeah. Hey, listen, you throuples are interesting. They're interesting.

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They are.

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Because, you know, it's going to blow up. Yeah. In the second episode, the lady from Tijuana, the dancer from Tijuana, she meets up with them down in Tijuana. They're all together. They're excited. It's been a long time, all this other stuff. They're in a hot tub, and all of them are talking.

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It never works. It never works.

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You got to be so... You got to be like the most... enlightened human being in the world, the most self-aware human being in the world. You got to work on yourself 24 hours a day for that to work out because here's the reality. That's really tough to watch your loved one have sex with someone else, the person that you love. I mean...

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Listen, even after years of marriage, I am still madly in love with my wife, and I just kindly request she doesn't sleep with other men. That's it. I have one request. Just don't sleep with other men. And if you are going to sleep with another man, let me know first so I can figure out a way out of here.

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A lot can happen. Yeah. We're also working on a merch drop and all this other stuff. But I'm reluctant to say any of it.

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Those are real couples.

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It does seem like a lot of effort. Yeah. That Gino and his wife, you know, whatever her name is.

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More power to you. Yeah, more power to you. To each their own. We've always said this, to each their own. I'm not knocking it. I know there's lots of people who try it and who are in it and who like it. But I have had many friends, and I say probably more than five, couples, friends, or not couples anymore, who have tried this.

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And I just got this interpretation that, you know, ménage à trois is... means your relationship is not working because it's always the fix for something and it never fixes anything. It makes things so much more complicated that then it's really hard to unfuck once you start sleeping with other people. And I had a couple that I know, and they're such a beautiful couple.

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Because how many times in our history have we mentioned something that never happened? I mean, we had live shows until hours before we were supposed to be on stage. Until hours before we were supposed to be on stage. That came down to the very last minute. And anyway, I don't want to talk about all the things we haven't done. Let's talk about all the great things we are going to do.

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And I mean physically beautiful and then really sweet with each other. It's like one of those you really hope, you're like rooting for them because they're so sweet to each other. And I will tell you what, They did this for a period of time and came this close to divorcing with children. And everyone was like, no. Yeah. And guess what? They stopped all the, you know, open marriage bullshit.

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And 10 years, nine years on from that, they seemed very happy, very strong. And they will tell you right to your face. It wasn't a great idea. Yeah, we did it. It was part of our relationship, but it wasn't a great idea and it was really hard to navigate. And it was extremely hard to navigate with the children. Like, how do you explain that?

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Yeah, you're like, daddy's going on a date without your mom. Yeah. Daddy's going to get a nut.

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It really, really does. But, if it's for you. If it's for you, if you like that kind of work, yeah, call us, tell us. And then, you know, there's, and then there's this like other version of like open, there are these people who, I don't know how to explain it.

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They're not hippie-ish necessarily, but they are so against any labels or anything that they just float through the world, having mild attachments that can be unattached and then reattached at any moment. And I've never seen that work out either. Like, you know, oh, you know, all the free people.

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And that never works out either because then you're just running through life damaging people's emotions. And that also feels not so great. But again, you know, there are people out there where it works, but they're French people and they're much smarter than us. That's right. They're French. They're much smarter than us. They have much more experience. And that's the way it works out. Yeah.

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Look at that show, Sister Wives. It's now Sister Wife. Yeah. It's no longer Sister Wives. It's Sister Wife. It all fell apart over the course of two short years.

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Seeking Sister Wife?

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Yeah, they're all on TLC. Turn on TLC. Seeking Sister Wife hasn't had a season in a while, but it was interesting while it was there.

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Yeah, I think we watched a couple of episodes here.

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That had one season. That had one season. They didn't come back. And by the way, very rarely does someone come back for a second season of Seeking Sister Wives.

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Because it doesn't work out. It just doesn't. I guess they move on or they don't want to be filmed. It must be hard to be in that lifestyle. But then on top of that, to have a camera crew following you around, that's extra hard. But there were a few couples that kind of, you know, they seem to have figured it out, at least in front of the cameras. So, I don't know.

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I'll tell you one thing we're not going to do. We will not likely be attending the Fyre Fest 2. Because Fyre Fest 2, I don't think it's even happening. I'm going to give you weekly updates on this until it just falls all apart. And right now – so last week I mentioned that Fyre Fest 2 had been announced. They were selling tickets. The lowest price ticket is $1,400.

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Here's The Seeking Sister Wife Season 4. All right. Come on. Where is that? All right. Oh, watch The Pit. The Pit is just fantastic, by the way. It's so fucking good. The Pit. The Pit on Max. I'm telling you. I won't disappoint you with this one. Yeah. Unless you don't like blood or bones or guts. In that case, you probably don't watch the pit, I guess. It's hyper-realistic. TCBpodcast.com.

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More information about Chrissy and I. All the audio, all the video right there from one location. TCBpodcast.com. You can also get your free TCB sticker. Hit the contact us button. Drop down menu says, I want my free sticker. Give us your physical address and we will send you one. No problem. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. Text us questions, comments, concerns, content ideas.

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We are taking them all to that phone number. You can also leave us a voicemail if you would like to be the next voice on TCB. Leave us a voicemail. Make it short. Make it sweet. Don't use your name if you don't want us to say your name. Those simple rules. Simple rules, Chrissy. Add The Commercial Break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break.

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For all the episodes, the same on video, the same day they air here on the audio. All right. Well, I guess that's all I can do for today.

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But I'll tell you that I love you.

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Thank you.

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They're doing it a little differently this time. You cannot actually – I mean, I would hope. You would hope. Yeah.

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Billy McFarland, who, of course, spent time in jail for defrauding a bunch of people regarding Fyre Fest 1, got out of jail. He owes millions of dollars in restitution to the people who were left high and dry at the last festival. I need to tell you about Fyre Festival. You remember 2020, the whole shit show. Yeah, there's been multiple documentaries made about this.

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And if you don't know what Fyre Fest is, then I don't even know why. How did you find a podcast? How did you press play on a podcast? But Billy is at it again. He has announced Fyre Fest 2. It has long been brewing. I know because I told the story about how someone in his organization supposedly, and I think it was true that they were in the organization.

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I think I even talked to Billy on email a few times. But they had been asking for a long time if Billy could come on the show and talk about Fyre Fest 2 or some derivative thereof. And I just decided it wasn't worth the trouble. I didn't want a platform. It wasn't worth the trouble. So Fyre Fest, I know, I'm so glad that I never agreed to that. This is back when we weren't doing interviews either.

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And I'm really glad because the commercial break is not 60 minutes. I mean, we're not even Dave Letterman. We're just like, you know, two buffoons asking people questions. And I think Billy really deserves a treatment, if you know what I mean. A fully vetted interview where all of the tough questions are asked and you hold his feet to the fire. And that's not us because we're too nice for that.

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Right. Despite what you might hear on air, we're actually pretty nice people, and we're not interested in de-skinning someone here on the air. Although, if we were going to de-skin somebody, it might be Billy McFarlane.

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I don't know. What do I know? That's another reason why I'm probably not best suited for this job. I don't even know the English language all that well. Anyway, Billy has announced Fyre Fest 2. Last week he announced it or the week before. They put a website up. It's in Flash. Did you see it?

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Let me share. So he announces this. I go to the website like I'm sure millions and millions of other people did, including people who still owed money by him. And the lowest price ticket is fourteen hundred dollars. The highest price is one million dollars. And for that, you get a private flight to from Miami to Cancun, which is, by the way, like an hour and a half flight.

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It's not even like you're flying over to Europe. It's an hour and a half flight. on a private plane that you could probably rent for a hundred thousand or less. You could probably rent it for 50,000. It's eight tickets. And then you get to stay on a yacht, quote unquote, or a villa.

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So a couple of things that Billy has done differently this time is he has decided no one can stay actually on the property overnight. There's no camping. You have to go to one of the hotels that is, that are close. There's a couple of problems with all of this that people, you know, it didn't take long to figure out. Number one, He didn't put the actual location of the festival.

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He put latitude, longitude, like he did on the last festival that ended up being a private island once owned by, I don't know, Chapo Guzman or something like that. El Chapo. This time he puts the latitude longitude. It is literally in the Gulf of Mexico. Like when you put in the latitude longitude, it's in the Gulf of Mexico. It's not even on land. It's somewhere in the middle of the ocean.

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So not really specific about where this is going to be. He named some hotels that he has relationships with that are going to give discounted, you know, fair or whatever. I mean, fourteen hundred dollars. Nothing is discounted. I'm promising you this. You don't even get a hotel room for fourteen hundred dollars. That's just showing up to the actual festival.

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He has not announced one person that's going to be there except for a couple of sports stars that are going to show up. And I'm not going to name them because they probably will change their mind. And I don't know. I don't have anything against them. So some athletes are going to show up. Do you want to go to a festival to see some athletes? Is this the NBA finals or what's going on?

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It doesn't make any sense to me. It's incongruent. There's no musicians that I know of that have been slated to play or announced formally. Billy keeps on putting on his stories pictures of these athletes and then just their name. And everyone's assuming that's who's going to show up, but he doesn't really say it out loud because he probably doesn't have a contract with them yet.

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He knows he can't do that. So let's say this. There's no one yet playing. There's no location. The people in of Cancun, Mexico, the government there has said no one has asked us to to get a permit for this and they will need one. So as far as we're concerned, it's not happening. It's not going to happen.

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So unless Billy gets his shit together really quick, this is happening in like two months, by the way.

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It's so messy. You don't do any of this like this. You just don't. Unless you're Jam Land Productions, you do not put Fyre Fest together like this. You're asking for trouble.

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First of all, I'd have investors that have cash in an escrow account. I'd have a probably more than one accounting firm that was managing the money. Like, you know, Goldman's. I don't know. I don't know who, but somebody that was announced along with it. Somebody else is managing the money. We are a year out from the festival. This is two months away. He's announcing this. Two months away.

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No acts. No permits. No nothing. So I would have an accounting firm, maybe two, that were handling the money, all of the money. It never touches my hands. I'm not in charge of it. I cannot get anything paid for unless they sign off on it and it's going to the intended purposes. I would have all of the acts booked and paid for so that you know they're showing up.

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And I would make sure that I had every permit that I ever needed in place. And I would try and sell reasonably priced tickets and forget about all this luxury bullshit that is just going to appeal to a few people.

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But those people, if they have any sense in their head, are not going to be spending a million dollars on a private flight in a hotel room that could cost you a total of $100,000 if you did it the best way possible.

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Yeah, and give me your credit card information on Billy's website. That's in Flash, by the way. Flash! Who does Flash? So the government says this is not happening. There is no actual location. There are no actual artists that have been announced. And no one is coming forward to say, I'm playing Fyre Fest 2, which you would think they would two months out. But here's the kicker.

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Billy goes on Good Morning America.

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Don't ask me why they invited him on there. But okay. Because it's a story. It's a story. And just like us, they have to kill content.

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He goes on Good Morning America. He does an interview, but the interviewers are prepped. They are ready. They have done their homework. They have called the hotels and the government and they have called the hotels to ask them, are you in fact accepting

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patrons of this festival do you have deals with billy and two of the three hotels that were named on the website as sister hotels people that are doing business with billy say i have no clue what you're talking about yeah none this is a shit show he is history is repeating itself I think Billy is trying to get the money first and put it together backwards.

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You cannot put together a festival for 100 people in two months, let alone 100,000 or whatever Billy's aim is. It is crazy, Billy. Everybody loves a comeback story. You did the crime. You did the time. I don't argue that everybody deserves a second chance. But you can't then just do the same shit you were doing before and telegraphing it. I can't believe the balls on this guy.

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So he goes and he does this reel where he's like walking around the streets of Miami or something, addressing all of the things that people have now figured out about this, right? And he combats them point by point.

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I only watched a clip of it.

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But he claims that, you know, they I think the way that the interview was framed is kind of one of these cutaway interviews where they're interviewing him, not live, but they're interviewing him. It's a canned interview. And he's saying one thing. Then they're flashing to the reporter saying something else. Right. Let me. Would you like to hear? It's just terrible. It's just so terrible. Billy.

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Mick Farland. Peter. Okay. You ready for this? Yeah. All right. Listen to this. I'm going to put this up to the speaker here.

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Today Show. I'm sorry.

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This is why I don't put together festivals, because I can't even remember which television show I've been on.

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Some production company.

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That they do name. But that production company has not come forward to confirm that they're part of the festival yet. They don't have it on their website. They don't have it on their social media. And apparently this production company is... legitimate in some people's eyes. But this production company is not owning up to the fact that they are partnering with Billy.

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Now, I think there's silent speaks volumes. They probably do. They probably have said to Billy, if you get your shit together, we will produce this festival, but you need to pay us. You need to get your shit together. And Billy just went ahead and put their name on the website, hoping that things worked out.

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Because I'm not going for those live shows. Okay, I'll give an explanation. While we have just a minute here, I'll give an explanation. We have chosen to press pause on the live shows just for right now. It was... It was a lot when we were planning to do the other shows. And because I don't need to get into like, I don't want to get into everything. I had my surgery. I'm feeling better.

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And I think it's okay just to take a beat here for a second and not go back into a ton of stress and extra work. We just got done with the 38 days of TCB. Yeah. We're planning the next 38 days of TCB. Yeah. And more information on that. It's our fifth year anniversary. There's a lot going on, and it doesn't feel like it's a good idea to throw additional live shows on top of that.

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Yeah, okay. All right. But maybe you don't. It's probably adjunct, but I don't think you know the exact reason. So the girls like to take baths. They're smaller, and the girls love the bath time. I mean, the boys do too, but I tell the boys, I say, you really got to take a shower because you're sitting in your own stink in a bath, essentially. And kids get really dirty.

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Daniel Point, 2027. If our democracy is still around when, you know, we're functioning as a society, Chrissy and I will think about Daniel Point in 2027. All right. I will now finally tell part of the wedding story from Spain when we get back from this break. Why don't we do this? Let's take a short break. I'll regroup, fix a wire I can see, I can hear is causing a problem.

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And then, yeah, we'll be back.

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Last we left off with my conversation about the wedding in Spain, I think I was walking my child through an incredibly rainy night. Remember, I told you that we went to this. So for those of you that don't know, I ended up going to a family, Astrid's family wedding in Spain, which was just incredible. Like the whole scene was incredible. It was in Sevilla.

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So it was in the south of Spain, in the southwest of Spain. Like, literally, you can take a boat over to Africa from close to Sevilla, right? So we go to this, I would call it a rehearsal dinner. I don't think it was really the rehearsal dinner, more like a rehearsal party. And it was in this huge facility sitting on the main river that runs through town.

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This huge event facility, restaurant, whatever, had been cleared out. Absolutely beautiful. Yeah. So the kids were just having a great time as kids do in situations like this. It's way past their bedtime. We're in a completely different time zone. Kids are running all over the place and there's lots of kids. And my kids were just tearing up the place.

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I mean, literally running from one end to the other, driving themselves insane. But the baby, the youngest of them is just a baby. That's what she is. She's less than two years old. She has a schedule. That schedule has now been all kind of fucked up. We've had a long plane flight. We've had a long drive from Madrid. It's a whole thing in a small car. You know, there's nothing big in Spain.

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So my germaphobic nature, I'm passing it along to my children. I'm passing all my anxieties along to my children. I'm keeping therapists in business, okay? So I tell my guys, I say, hey, get in the shower. Wash that dirty ass of yours. Wash your ping-pang and your ching-chang, and let's get it all done.

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There's no vehicle that's big in Spain.

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Yes.

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In a tunnel. I had to park in a tunnel. But I didn't park in that tunnel. The guy who owned the parking lot. It's like a family-owned business. In Sevilla, if you have ever been, when I say cobblestone streets, I mean cobblestone streets.

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And when I say built for horses, I mean one horse. The body length of the body width of one horse. These buildings are so close to each other. But yet cab drivers go up those streets all the time. The local cab drivers. You know the difference between a local cab driver and a tourist in Sevilla? The tourists get stuck in between two houses. And the cab drivers skillfully maneuver around.

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They know which way the streets go. They know which streets they can go up and down.

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We stayed at an Airbnb. like a rent-a-condo, right? Which was absolutely beautiful, right downtown, courtyard in the middle, just a lovely place. We rented a couple of these for some of the family members, but it was in a Y, like a street that was a Y. It was two streets that came together and then two streets went apart. The building was in the middle.

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Those streets were so thin that on four, not one, four different occasions, I had to look out the window because I heard the sound of...

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Oh, Chrissy, it was crazy. There was this one lady, and I don't know. We didn't talk to her, so I have no idea where she was from. But she was driving like a Volkswagen something, and she was scraping both sides of her car along the brick of the buildings, and she just kept going. She was just determined. You're in it now. The crazy thing is she opened her window to pull in the mirror. What?

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She was doing tens of thousands of dollars of damage to the side of the car, but she had to make sure that the mirror didn't get messed up.

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Oh, this car, yes. I had to take 50 pictures because, you know, when I rented the car, it was a whole thing. I already told the story, but when I rented the car, it didn't work and we needed a bigger car and the girl got the bigger car and she was so sweet about it. But then when she pulled the car up...

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I got out of the car to put one of my children in the car and noticed on the passenger side there was a scrape. I don't mean a scrape. I mean a scratch, probably six inches high along the entire side of the car. And now I know why, because they were in Sevilla trying to navigate around apartment buildings.

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And in Spain, if you have a scratch that is bigger than a nickel, you will be charged for the damage, period and descent. It's not like here in America. You can get scrapes. I think you can total a car here in America. And as long as you opted for insurance, they don't give a shit. It's just part of the game here. But there they take it very seriously. They have rulers.

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And then the girls, they take baths because they refuse to get in the shower unless I drag them in there. So I think to myself, well, there must be a clog down in the drain because when I'm going to wash their hair and I start the water again, it just fills up. It's draining slower than it fills up, and so I'm getting concerned that something's going on down there.

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They will come out and measure to see how big the scratch is.

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I know, because my first time in Spain, I got charged like $3,000 for scrapes on the car that I didn't realize were there and probably were there when I rented the car. But I had no... You know, in America, you don't think about anything like that. You get in the car and you go. You don't fucking worry about scrapes and all that shit. The car is scraped.

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You just take it for granted that the car is fucked up. And if you fuck it up more, it's not really going to matter to the guy at the lot. Anyway, when I get to Sevilla... We had prearranged parking. Astrid smartly prearranged parking two blocks from the condo. So, of course, I got to lug all the luggage up this hill on cobblestone streets.

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But when I pulled into that parking lot, it was down underneath a building in a tunnel. And when I say a tunnel, I mean, think of like...

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picture gladiator the movie where they keep the fighters yeah they keep the tigers waiting yes that's what it looked like and honestly it's probably worse but this was a family-owned place how do we know that because we talked to the owner the second that i pull into this tiny little place There's like 50 cars in this basement. I don't see any place to park.

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And even if I did see a place to park, I wasn't going to be the one. I already knew that I could not maneuver around this parking lot. I understood it. And so did the guy who owned the parking lot. Because when I pulled in, he got out. He got out of his little cubby and he came around and gave me this number. And he said... I'll do it in English because he knew I was a gringo. He already knew.

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He said, I'll do it for you. I said, thanks, man, because I have no fucking clue. So. We go to this rehearsal dinner. Everybody's getting kind of tired. Everything's wrapping up. And some people are going to go off and they're going to party. But not me because we have kids and they've got to get to sleep. And I'm not going to take these kids out to a club. It doesn't matter where they are.

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The kids are an excuse for me to go home and be in my underwear. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm going to go back to that condo and I'm going to watch the rest of Showgun or whatever I'm watching.

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So everyone's standing in a taxi line, waiting for the cabs outside this place, and it's starting to drizzle just a little bit, just a little drizzle. I look at the weather. I see that, you know, it's just a little passing rain shower. There's some rain behind it, but it's just a passing rain shower.

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And I say, don't, there's like, everybody's getting into these Ubers and these taxi cabs, but there they don't have like children's seats. They don't have child seats and you don't have, you know, put them on your lap or whatever. Even though there's some laws around it, when you have an Uber or a cab, you don't necessarily need to do that. So Astrid's like, oh, I'll take these kids.

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You take that kid. You take the baby. I'll take the baby, whatever. I said, you know what? It's only a 15, 20-minute walk. I'm just going to walk. Just let me walk. On the way home, I'll pick up some food at a local Mercado. How's that for your Spanish right there? Stick that in your Funkin' Wagnalls. And so I say, let me go. I'll just take the kid on a walk. It's the middle of the night.

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It's drizzling. I really have no idea where I am. The cobblestone streets are really confusing. I have to go over this bridge over the river. And so the first thing I do is I start walking. I take a left. I'm going over this very large bridge. A lot of people out walking. And within five minutes of starting that walk, it starts to rain. pour.

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But now I'm very concerned about all the plumbing. So I do what I know to do, and that is take a hammer and screw to things and, you know, see if I can get that plug up. Yeah. I don't know. I was just fooling around in there. And it's got one of those like the kind you twist, like the plug that you it's attached and you twist it and push it down and you twist it and pull it up.

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The sky opens up and now I'm pushing a one and a half year old in the middle of the night in Sevilla, Spain. It's a little chilly and now it's pouring down rain and Brian is ultra prepared because I have no umbrella and the stroller has no cover on.

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I'm wearing a three-piece suit. I'm wearing a fucking suit. And nice shoes. Now I'm like, fuck.

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Exactly. Exactly. Not really. Astrid's texting me. She's like, are you sure you don't want us to come pick you up? But Brian, because Brian refuses to be wrong about anything, it's like, nope, it'll pass. I'm just going to stop in that grocery store and stay there. Well, my baby and I stop in that grocery store, to which everybody in the grocery store looks at me like I'm a fucking moron.

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I got a child in a stroller. Everything is sopping wet. There's literally a puddle in the stroller. The baby is swimming in the stroller now. Brian is dripping down wet, full suit on. So what do I do? I take off my jacket and I put it over the child's head. So now I've covered my little baby with a jacket in the store. Yes, the wet jacket in the store.

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The baby's crying because now she's got a jacket over her head. She can't see what's going on. I'm standing at the front of the store.

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I have the jacket over. Well, I thought, I'm going to make a run for it. I look on the weather app. It doesn't look like there's much rain, but it's pouring down rain. So there's like five or six of us that are standing in the store, in the opening of the store, you know, just waiting. And so one of the ladies at the store comes over with a towel.

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I'm standing there. It's pouring down rain. Five minutes goes by. Ten minutes goes by. And now I'm – by the way, now I'm in a square. Like, you know, a square. There are no cars around because we're in a square. It's a pedestrian square. So me and these people are just standing there, and there is a –

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There's a guy, I'm assuming he was Chinese. He was standing next to me. And he starts speaking to me in like broken Spanish, right? And I start speaking to him in broken Spanish. And he says, I think he's saying to me, where are you going? I have an umbrella. I can help you get where you're going.

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OK. Not like a like an independent plug. It's actually attached to the whatever the drain, whatever the fuck that's called. So I unscrew, unscrew, unscrew. I unscrew the drain and I look down there and I can see like something purple down there, but it's a little dark. So I take a screwdriver and I can't even get the screwdriver down there, but it feels spongy.

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Yeah, it was very nice. And I said, sure, I'm going, you know, norte. I'm going north. I'm going up this way.

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Yeah, I really don't, by the way. And when you're in Seville, Google Maps cannot be counted on. Not when you're walking. It's too difficult. It already took us three hours to find the parking lot because Google Maps couldn't tell us. We had to keep on going down one-way streets. We couldn't figure out how to get there. So I say to the guy, I say, yeah, yeah, I'm going this way. I kind of point.

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I'm going north. I'm going norte. And he says, okay, you know, me too is what he said to me. And at least that's what I thought he said to me. So he pops open his umbrella and we're like, vamos. All right, let's go. And he's like holding the umbrella over himself and over the baby. And I'm pushing from behind. And as soon as we get out of the store, he turns right and I turn left.

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Breathing cold. Sopping wet. Everything's wet. I can feel my socks are squishy.

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We get up to the square. We get about halfway home. And I'm like, okay, all right. I submit. Surrender. I submit. I surrender. So I flag down a taxi cab.

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In for a penny, in for a pound. Here we go. It took us another 20 minutes to get home. It did not stop. Get back to the house. It did not stop raining the entire time. By the way, we stopped for groceries at the store that was very close. Very small store. And I just brought in this sopping wet stroller. I'm sopping wet. I'm making a mess through the entire store.

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I'm buying some bread and some mead and, you know, some stuff for the kids to have for breakfast. And I go to put it under the stroller. It's got like one of those, you know, carriers under the stroller, like every stroller does. I go to put it in the stroller and it is just a pool of water. I kind of like kick the water out. The bread is sopping wet by the time we get home. Oh, that poor baby.

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I put her right in a warm bath. So the next night is – the next day is the wedding. The wedding is in the main cathedral in downtown Sevilla, which is – It's a famous cathedral. World famous cathedral. People just, they go to Sevilla just to see the cathedral. It really is beautiful. It's huge. It is like something out of a movie.

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Yeah, it's a place that... The first time I ever went to Spain, my future in-laws at that time, they and my mother-in-laws or my, excuse me, my father-in-law's sister and her husband, they took us on like a 10-day journey around Spain and into the Pyrenees Mountains. And that's when I, that's where I was at the ski chalet playing, you know, home sweet home.

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But when they did, we went and we stayed at decommissioned castles that were sold to a private hotel company in a public-private partnership with the government. And the hotel company made these castles into hotels. There's so many castles. And so many of them were in bad shape because they didn't get taken care of because the families had long since left them. They don't live there anymore.

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So I take the screwdriver and I kind of scrape along the sides. And what do I pull up? 150,000 hair ties is what I pull up. I pulled up an entire ball, and I'm talking like a ball that was like six inches big of hair ties.

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Yeah, all the upkeep and stuff like that. So this is a really good idea that the Spanish government had, and I think it's done throughout Europe now, but we stayed at this series. But anyway, every town that we went to, small and large, almost like without... Without fail, we went to a cathedral in every one of those towns.

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And this would normally, if you told me 10 years ago, Brian, you're going to go to Spain, you're going to take a tour of the cathedrals, I would have been like, the fuck are you talking about? I don't care about the cathedrals. You care about the cathedrals when you get there.

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They're beautiful. The art in them. The history. Yeah, and the history. Forget the religion and all the bad stuff that religion has done. They're just beautiful places. And they're older than dirt. I mean, some of them. So this cathedral is huge. Very famous. I want you to picture three football fields by three football fields. This is how big this cathedral complex is.

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And the inside of the cathedral is almost just as big. But the main cathedral is like, you know, 100 feet in the air, stained glass windows, light coming in. It's just, it's something out of a novel. It's unbelievably amazing. But then they have... A street trolley that rides outside one side of the cathedral, the main entrance.

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There's a street trolley that goes up and down with a road, like the main road through the middle of Sevilla. So we get to the cathedral. Some of my children are going to participate in the wedding. I am really hoping they're going to be on their best behavior. I am hoping this is not the reason that everybody talks about my, you know, I'm hoping they're young. So I'm just praying.

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It's a wild card. It's a wild card. Are they going to behave? Are they going to make noise? Am I going to get them to sit still? Is this baby going to be quiet? You know, I don't know. Well, the answer was no. The baby was not going to be quiet. The baby went apeshit the second that we got there.

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So rather than interrupt everybody's very beautiful wedding, which it was, I, as soon as the bride walked down, I took the baby. I went outside. I put her in the wet stroller and we walked around the cathedral. That's what we did for like the end part of the wedding.

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As the wedding is wrapping up and people are walking outside, I noticed that there's like a little bit of a crowd that's gathering outside of the main entrance. There's like a, I don't know how to explain it. There's a door that the cathedral is raised off the streets.

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So there's like five or six steps that you have to go down to get to the street level where then there's this trolley that goes up and down.

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Okay. So there's people coming outside. They're waiting for the bride and groom, bride and groom taking pictures, all that good stuff. They're standing outside of the main entrance. And all of a sudden, all of these tourists are now taking pictures of everybody dressed in a dress to the nines and their three piece suits and their beautiful dresses.

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And, you know, the kids that are come to flower girls and, you know, some of my kids that people are now starting to take photographs because this is becoming quite a picturesque. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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Your hair is everywhere. Remember that Dashboard Conventional song? Your hair is everywhere.

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Hair is everywhere. Between Astrid, the girls, and that fucking dog, that hair is everywhere. Because, of course, we've got to give Blue a bath every 15 seconds because she's a mess, too. That dog. So I've decided. People have written in. People wrote in and they said, hey, listen, go to the vet. There are medications that can help with this.

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And I responded to some of them, listen, I think we've been through all of the medications, but I certainly will go back to the vet and I'll have a conversation with them. The dog is on Prozac, doggy Prozac, low-dose Prozac. And we have it on a pharmacy, like an automated online pharmacy that sends it.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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So the other day, I go to give Blue her medication like I do every night, and there's no more medication. So I tell Astrid, I said, hey, you know, there's no more medicine. She's like, oh, no, we buy it from the pharmacy. I'm like, listen, it's not there. Astrid goes and does a little investigation to find out that the online pharmacy and many pharmacies locally are out of Prozac.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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There's a Prozac shortage. Remember how all the prices were going to go down and everything was going to be available for us? The eggs are $5,000 a dozen and there's no more Prozac for my dog. So things are going really well. So no more Prozac for the dog. So I say, okay, this is it. This is the jumping off point. Let's take Blue off of Prozac, right?

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This is just like Astrid just did this so right. She got together with some of the other moms in the group and they hired a group of babysitters.

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Oh, it was a pro move. As soon as we got there, the kids were like literally whisked away to go play in color and play games. Oh, that's key. Yeah. So Astrid and I had like at least 15 minutes of adult time. Right. We were like so happy. Yeah. We partied. The band was playing. Everybody's dancing. The bride is dancing with everybody. It was really wonderful. I was really happy.

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I was having a good time. We sat down for dinner. It was a multi-course dinner. It was beautiful. It was lovely. I forgot what I had. I think I had steak. It was just delicious. And then after dinner, so now we're probably like four hours into the reception part after dinner is done. Oh, and by the way, the dessert was epic. It was so delicious. I asked for seconds.

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I didn't know some of the people at the table. I stole their dessert when they didn't have it. I said, can I have that? I'm fat and old. I'm American. We're not used to these sizes. I need my belly full. I had a long, wet night last night. Can you help me out? So after all of the dinner festivities are done, They ask everybody to go stand on the stairs to take a picture.

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Stand on the stairs of this house to take a picture. It's this huge stairwell. I'm talking like 10, 15 steps up into this house. And everybody, the entire wedding party, everybody who's there, goes and stands on those steps. And so they have a photographer. The photographer looks like she's about to take a picture. And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, Chrissy, a horse,

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Like a huge horse with the braided hair, a Spanish horse with the braided hair or Arabian horse, whatever you call them.

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Let's go cold turkey, which I know can be dangerous. I understand we're keeping a close eye on Blue. And here's how I know things are not going so well for Blue. Because every third step in this house, I am stepping in pee. Blue is peeing, literally walking and peeing around the house. And I am absolutely done with it. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm throwing my hands in the air.

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It was like beige almost with dark hooves and dark hair. The hair was braided. The tail was braided. There was a saddle on it. There was a guy dressed like one of the three amigos. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like full. With the gear. Yes. Full Spanish regalia. And that horse comes out and starts dancing flamenco. Not the guy, the horse. The horse is dancing flamenco.

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And the guy is on top of him like... music's playing there's like a speaker playing music and the horse is up on two legs dancing around clapping and clocking around and you know he's and he's making the horse dance on two feet and i'm like what and where in the fuck did i just get dropped what happened here we were at a wedding and now we're at a horse dancing what happened here

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But that wasn't the best part of it. The best part of it was behind the horse, after the horse comes out with the guy on top and does a little number, a lady comes out in her full flamenco. Oh, yeah. And she starts dancing with the horse with the guy on top of it. So now there's this coordinated dance going on with the lady and the horse.

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They're like dancing around each other and she's got the fan and the clackers and the clackers. You know, she's doing this whole number and she's like, you know, seducing the horse with her things and the horse is bowing to her and then up on two legs and then back down. And the guy is, you know, he's got his hands in the air. Chrissy, it was the craziest thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

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I mean, I've seen a lot of animal tricks because, you know, I'm just that kind of sick fuck. But I have never in my life seen a dancing horse like this. It was crazy. He's dancing and spinning and the guy is on top of him. And I don't even know how the guy stayed on top of the horse. And the lady is running around the horse and under his leg.

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And, you know, she's bowing to him and he's bowing to her. It's this whole regalia that's going on right in front of us. God, I love Spain. And there's like 200 of us just mesmerized by what is going on.

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This is like, I don't know whether or not this is like we're being pranked or if this is just one of the coolest things I've seen. Is this traditional wedding fair in Spain? I don't know. Clearly, this is not the first time these people have done this. So this act is somewhere else, like somewhere else they've been practicing this. You know what I'm saying?

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And I was stunned, amazed, quite frankly. This went on for like 15 minutes. They did this whole dance and the guy jumped off the horse and he did a thing with his sombrero. Did they take the pictures? The pictures were taken because the lady was taking the pictures and then all of a sudden the horse came out of nowhere.

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Then all of a sudden you hear galloping like click, click, click, click, click, because it's all cobblestone, you know, it's brick on the floor. So by the time the horse gets there, you already knew that something big was coming out. And so the lady and the guy, and they take some pictures, and away they go.

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And then the second part of the party, now all of a sudden they're cleaning up all of the area around the tent. And they're setting up bars outside. Coffee bar. They're bringing out an espresso machine. They've got a bar outside. And now the house...

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part comes to life there is a dj inside the house the house goes dark neon lights everywhere dancing lights and the second the the last part of the party has officially started which is let's get crunk let's get crazy people now listen i love this wedding so much this wedding was incredible this wedding was incredible now look i'm a man of a certain age i'm not old but i'm not young i'm somewhere in between those two

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I'm making a plea to the gods. Please find me a solution to the craziness that is blue. I can't do it anymore. I don't know what to do.

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And I understand that the people who are getting married are young. They're young people and they're going to party the night away. I'm not going to be at it in a younger age or had I not had children, I might've been right in the mix. Oh, you would have. But I, oh yeah, for sure. But I would have been that drunk idiot.

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Hey, listen, it's all about odds. You got to sign it up.

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Yeah, exactly. At this point, the kids, like now we're talking it's 10, 10, maybe 11 o'clock at night.

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They're just getting going. But my kids have had no sleep. The baby's still up. All the kids are still up. And the babysitters have a clock out time, right? So we already knew that about 11 o'clock, we were going to either have to bring the kids. But surprisingly, the kids went in and they were partying. You know, they do the hora de loca, which is the crazy hour in Venezuela.

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And so in the crazy hour, they bring out all kinds of like props and costumes. And so they have, you know, balloons and toys and... hats. Oh, you know, you went to my wedding, all this different stuff. So the kids got in on the crazy hour and they went crazy, literally.

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Yes. It was very adorable. So now they're in there dancing and partying. I'm in there dancing and partying. Everybody's in there dancing and partying. But about 1130, you know, Astrid and I look at each other and this is like the most difficult part about being a parent. I think you'll appreciate this. You want them to enjoy everything that's going on.

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There is doggy Xanax, but that makes me feel a little bit bad. Like, I know Prozac also has an effect on her brain, but Prozac is like an antidepressant. Xanax is a depressant.

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But you also understand that as the parents in the room, there are consequences to your actions. And the consequences will be that by the time we get them back to the condo, all hell will be breaking loose because they will be tired, they will be hungry again, and... they are going to be fussy, no doubt about it. So when do you call a night a night? And Astrid and I have this debate all the time.

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Astrid errs on the side of, let them party. Let them just party until they fall. And I'm of the mind that we have done that before, and it never works out in our favor. Ever. Ever. Keep them on schedule. Or as close to the schedule as possible. Special events like this, of course, you got to let them party a little bit. You got to let them have some fun. You want them to remember these good times.

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But if you don't get them to bed at some kind of reasonable, like before one in the morning, you are going to be... They're still going to wake up at five in the morning and six in the morning. They're still going to be up. But we are going to suffer the consequences because they're going to be up and fussy and hungry and we're going to be tired and fussy and hungry. So...

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we look at each other and she said what do you want to do and I said I think we gotta call it a night I think we gotta call it a night and then we have this little back and forth like we always do I feel bad because I feel like I'm stepping on you know the fun I feel like I'm being the fun sponge and that's not necessarily my personality and so I but what do you think but what do you think but what do you think I think we should let him stay up okay but I'm just reminding you that last time we did that we ended up with a dirty diaper against the wall you know and kids pulling our hair out

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Let's give it 30 more minutes.

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That 30 minutes made all the difference in the world. The 30 minutes cause sheer terror in the household. Sheer terror. Because those kids, on the way home, went fucking bananas. I rode in the car with my son. Astrid took some of the other kids with her. By the time we all got back to the condo, everybody was screaming bloody murder. Everybody was screaming bloody murder.

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Yeah.

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We were trying to get them to do a bath. They wouldn't go into the bath. We're trying to get them to sleep. They don't want to sleep. We're trying to get them to get some food so their bellies are full. Nothing works out. And they still woke up at 6 in the morning. That's the thing. You've got to be careful.

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about keeping those kids up past the prescribed bedtime because you know that the pendulum is going to swing at some point and you better be a parent. It's the tough part about being a parent. All right, listen, I'll talk more about this. That's my fluffy version of it.

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Yeah, I think that might be the solution. Xanax, I'll take the Xanax and we'll let her continue to be crazy. Maybe I'm the one who needs to chill out. I am irritated so much by all the barking. But now Chrissy is irritated by the barking too. Tina's only been here for two days and she's already irritated by Blue.

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Yes, I do love a good Spanish wedding.

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I think you might have an invite. You might have an invite.

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Gustavo's wedding right around the corner. What are we going to do, Gustavo? Chrissy's angling for an invite to the wedding. Hey, I gave you my seat, Gustavo. That's it. And I do believe, I do believe, not to put any pressure on any situation, I do believe there is some conversation about doing that wedding in Spain. So there you go.

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Yeah. I know. That's the only thing. It only costs $25,000 with a family of 12.

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You're going to be in there. Oh, they would have loved you. They would have loved you. Everybody loves you. You know how to party. Yeah. And listen, that's not all the nitty gritty details. There's some stuff I'm not going to leave to the imagination. I think there's some funnier stuff. But I really did have a good time. And I don't want to seem ungrateful. It was a lot of fun. A lot of fun.

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The hosts were wonderful. We were taken care of every which way. And the place where we stayed was beautiful. And Sevilla is gorgeous. Put it on the bucket list, kids. Put it on the bucket list. Madrid, Valencia, Sevilla, Barcelona. Valencia. Mallorca. There's my list. There you go. Mallorca's number one.

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If Spain will have us. I think Spain is one of the few places I haven't talked shit about. So there you go. All right. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. As our new voice of God, Rachel, would say. I want to thank Rachel McGrath for being our new voice of God. Thank you for stepping in so quickly and helping us out with the liners. I think we'll keep her.

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Yes. You can text us questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, but better yet, leave us a short voicemail and maybe your voice will be the next one to open up the commercial break episodes. We'd love that. So leave us a voicemail. And if you don't want your name said or, you know, whatever, just make sure you...

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Brian is dripping down wet, full suit on. So what do I do? I take off my jacket and I put it over the child's head. So now I've covered my little baby with a jacket. The wet jacket. Yes, the wet jacket in the store. The baby's crying because now she's got a jacket over her head. She can't see what's going on. I'm standing at the front of the store.

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Yeah, say a fake name. We don't care.

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No one knows. Make it funny like Sid did. Add the commercial break on Instagram, tcbpodcast.com. All the audio, all the video right there in one location. And youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak for all. All the episodes on video, same day they air here on The Audio. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for right now.

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My friend's getting his hair cut, and then we're going to go to lunch, so we'll be back. Until next time, we always say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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Even Noemi, who is like the most calm, kind, gentle person you have ever met in your entire life. Like when I say sweet lady, I mean sweet lady.

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And I'm like, I know.

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What do we do? I don't know. I mean, I throw my hands up in the air at this point. I have no idea what to do.

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The dog seems anxious. Anxious, yes. Extraordinarily anxious. And any time there's any movement of any kind, any talking of any kind, any anticipation that food might be coming, anything, anything a dog would normally... not get so upset about, she just goes on a barking spree or she twists and turns or she jumps on the couch or she runs out in the mud or she shits on the floor.

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It's like she is so anxious. And so we use these pads around the house because, of course, Blue is so crazy that she won't even go outside to go to the bathroom. I mean, sometimes she does. But we tried to housebreak her. And I know that small dogs are hard to housebreak. Like, I also understand that that's just part of the nature of having a small dog. So we put these pads around the house.

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Sometimes we'll go through 15 in a day. In a day.

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Yeah, we've gone down that road before, too. Nope, no urinary tract infection. It's just a function. It's just a, like a... The causation must be anxiety. It must be some form of anxiety. So what do we do? I don't know. I don't know anymore. I officially throw my hands up in the air to the gods and I say, let what may happen. I'm going to leave the front door open and hope that nothing bad occurs.

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They do. Yeah, they do. And it's a controlled substance. And it's a big deal to get it from... The doctor told me a long time ago when he put her on Prozac. He said, listen, this is one step before we have to get into like super controlled substances like Xanax. And he goes, that is certainly a solution. But just understand that is a depressant.

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It is going to change the dog's personality, no doubt about it. But I think you might be right at this point. It's either the humans or the dog.

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One of us has got to be calm and sane. Like I went and meditated today for the first time in, I don't know, three months. I felt so good after I got back. I come in, I pull up to the house. I'm happy. Go lucky. I'm listening to our podcast and I'm like, yeah, we can be funny at times. I'm so excited about life.

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Hey, we are funny sometimes. I'm feeling kind of optimistic about life. Ah, yeah, maybe eventually we will have listeners. I feel good about myself. I'm like, it's not so bad. 700 episodes in, we can crack a few jokes.

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absolute chaos and there's nobody home but me it's just me and Blue barking incessantly at me about what I don't know I'm like Blue what what do you want what's going on what's in your head the other day she was in here and she was laying down and she was being so sweet and so calm as she can be and so I got down on the floor And I pleaded with her. I said, Blue, I love you. You know I love you.

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I brought you home in my little arms. You tiny little thing fit in one hand. You didn't speak for the first 10 days that we owned you. I did not hear a peep out of that dog. Not one thing. And I said, can we just agree to be friends and to be quiet? Like, I'll be quiet if you could be quiet. I will stop yelling at you if you stop yelling at me.

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Not but two minutes later, she walked out of the room after we had this little moment. After you had the moment. After I had a moment. I have a Disney moment. I'm not projecting a human personality onto this dog. And so I go, oh, well, yeah, you know, I felt good about that. I was like, okay, you know, Blue knows I love her. She heard me. I walk out of the room. I smell shit.

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She's shit in the hallway. She's shit in the hallway. We had a conversation. Wait a second.

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I'll show you what good friends we are. I can't watch TV. Everything's just chaotic right now. The whole situation is chaotic. And so, but anyway, because she gets so messy, we often have to give her baths too. Like there's a lot of baths. And while she doesn't shed, she's a Yorkie, so she doesn't shed. If you put her into a bath, hair will fall off of her. She gets that winter coat sometimes.

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That winter coat.

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Fake spring is here and it's in full effect. I was talking to somebody else about this. I mean, weather is the lowest form of conversation, but we got seven hours to fill this week. So let's... Let's give ourselves a break. You know, I was talking to somebody who was in Philadelphia, I think, Boston or Philadelphia, and I'm emailing with them.

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And they were explaining to me that it was a balmy 36 degrees up there after they had experienced incredibly cold temperatures for a long time. So he was sharing with me that it's not that bad. Like 36 feels pretty good. And I walked outside with a short-sleeved shirt on. I could have been wearing shorts. One of my kids went to school in shorts the other day. It's fucking February 3rd.

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Yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my best friend and the co-host of this incredibly dumb podcast, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us.

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Or it was February 3rd. What's that?

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It's that warm. We call this fake spring in Atlanta. And it'll happen probably two or three weeks before we get to April. We'll have fake spring where it gets really warm. It feels good. You can almost smell the flowers blooming, you know?

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Yeah, they start to bud. You get that smell like the grass starts to like wake up a little bit. So you get that springy smell and it feels really good. You start to think about, you know, where you're going to, which beach you're going to go to.

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Brian's skin starts to turn darker instantaneously. I'm like, ah, I could get in. I don't have to go to the tanning bed. I can just stand out here. I'm feeling good. I look at that pool, which is incredibly clean because I'm not the one cleaning it. I look at that pool and I go, ah. A few more weeks, we'll be out in that pool. And then next week, negative two. It's going to be negative two.

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Two more snow days before it's all over. But it is really, this is what I enjoy about Atlanta. You know, some people like to say, They say, hey, listen, you don't like the weather. Wait a couple of hours and it'll change. It's an old joke. And they say it about San Francisco. They say it about Seattle.

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They say it about almost anywhere that you can say that because the weather is unpredictable by nature. Not even the weathermen get it right. So it's unpredictable by nature. But in Atlanta, it really is true that at this time of year, like during the hardcore winter, winter swings everywhere. In Atlanta. And when it swings in the warm direction, it feels really nice.

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It's some of the best weather that Atlanta has.

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Yeah. Everybody gets giddy. The tops are down.

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You did? Yes.

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God, you have so much time on your hands.

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All right. Fuck you. You have too much time on your hands. I can't even think about going to a park and reading a book. I'm meditating and I'm doing it quickly so I can get back to my children. You know what I'm saying? Quick. Meditate. Quick. Think of nothing.

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Be still.

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It is what it is.

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I was just about to tell the girls here in studio that I avoided yet another plumbing disaster here at the house. The tub was not draining in my house. And I was getting concerned about this. It was like draining slower and slower.

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I'm thinking about it quickly. I'm thinking about nothing quickly because I know I got something else to do. That's the problem with having kids is there's never not something to do. There's never an empty space. There's never a dead moment. It's always filled by some activity. So when you do get a chance to do things like go meditate, you really do have a stack of things behind your mind.

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It's like, which bill did I pay? What time am I to pick the kids up from school? Who's going to be sick tomorrow? Where did blue shit in the house, which I know I'm going to come home to. But I do agree with you. It is one of the nicer weeks that we've seen in Atlanta in a long time. It was very cold here. Yeah, I just, I've said this a lot. I just don't care for the cold weather. I did my time.

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I put it, I served my time in Chicago for the first 12 years of my life. And 12 winters in Chicago is enough for anybody. I'm done with it.

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Yeah, I took to the warm weather like a person who had been born in Florida, honestly. Yeah. I wish I could live in Florida, but it's not a great state to live in.

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We wrote it in the notebook and that's what happened. More information to follow in the fall.

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Let it be known worldwide. That was very sweet. From the valleys to the hollows, let it be known that Brian tipped good one time while avoiding his family on a family vacation.

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it's clear that I don't know about things.

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Your favorite guy.

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And up next, Joe Rogan. Should he or should he not talk? We'll get more on that later.

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That's as far as I'm concerned.

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I don't disagree.

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It feels like we're doomed.

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I know. Who is Patrick?

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Don't you realize what kind of human being I am after I've shared that story in such a humble way?

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No.

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Yeah.

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$20.

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Oh, yeah.

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Let it be known worldwide. That was very sweet. From the valleys to the hollows, let it be known that Brian tipped good one time.

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I think so.

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I love you. I'll say best to you. Best to you.

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I get ass.

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Okay.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and co-host of this show, Chris and Joy. Totally best to you, Chris.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. Sophia Rain. Does the name ring a bell?

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$500.

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No, it does not.

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I know.

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And we're over there, and everyone is charged up. And we meet in the parking lot, and I'm like, and Raphael's behind me. He's like, fucking kick his ass, man. Fucking get him, dude. Swing first. You got to go right for his head. Swing first. Get him. Get him. Get that $100 back. Get the $100. And we're all, and by the way, everyone's lambasted. We're all fucking shit.

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Yes. It's like two in the morning. So we get over there. We're out in the parking lot. I will never forget this. And I say, where's our fucking money, Eric? And he goes, I don't know. I got robbed. And that's how it is. And you're not fucking getting $100 because I don't have it. And I said, well, if you don't give us our $100 back or our product right now, I'm going to kick your fucking ass.

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And he pulled out a knife. And I ran. And I ran. I ran across the street back to the bar. Raphael's like, what are you doing? What are you doing? You got to kick his ass. And I'm like, I'm not going to kick his ass. He's got a knife. And he's like, don't worry about the knife. Fucking grab the knife out of his hand. I've got your back. And I'm like, then you hit him.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us on this 3,000th episode of the commercial break. I really appreciate it. In case you haven't heard, I want to say it right at the top of the show, and then I'll shut up until the next episode of the commercial break. 12 hours of TCB, May 31st. That's the Saturday market calendars, kids.

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And he's like, I don't want to hit him. Everyone's yelling and screaming at each other. So now I'm the big asshole because I decided not to fight the guy with the knife. And Raphael has relentlessly bullied me about this since the night that it happened. You should have kicked Eric's ass. You should have kicked that guy's ass. Relentlessly bullied me about it. And you know what?

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I think he's right. I think even though that guy had a knife, I think I should have found a way to kick his ass. Because Eric continued to be an asshole and continued to be a crackhead and scam people's money. A crackhead's a crackhead. They're going to take your money. I should have learned that lesson a long time ago.

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But at the end of the day, like, I kind of pussied out in the whole situation. Not only did I not fight him, but I ran away from him. I ran across the street away from him. So big Irish tough guy decided to run. Now, in the moment, I think I felt my life was threatened. He had a knife. It wasn't a particularly big knife, but it was a knife.

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Yeah. Yeah. It was like one of those. It was a flip one. Right. It was like a flip. It was like a small hunting knife.

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Or like a bread knife for, you know, the bread. I don't know what it was for, but I saw the silver and I headed out and Raphael has busted my balls ever since about this ever since. They're not a probably two conversations that go by when and if Raphael's at least three beers in him, he's going to mention that I should have kicked Eric's ass. Yeah.

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He has relentlessly bullied me about this forever and ever. He roasts me about it all the time. And he's probably right. And because he's probably right, and because I like the good nature of the rib, I love him. I love him because I'm a pussy and I didn't, you know, kick Eric's ass. And so at the end of the day, A little good, hard love every once in a while.

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A little good, tough love where people are poking at you and they're telling you the truth in a way that feels funny or satirical or sarcastic. I think it makes for good times. That's what I got to say.

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I think this article that I read is so fucking true, is that if you can get with your buddies and you guys can tell each other like it is, but have a little laugh at the same time, you're going to be friends for a long time.

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Revisit it, Chrissy.

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I'm going to have to scan. You should have gone to the roast, Chrissy. You should have gone to the roast.

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No, there's no. Oh, trust me. I'm sure you have a lot of roast material. I'm sure it's in your brain somewhere. We're not friends for this long and there's not at least 10 things on your list where you're like, what a fucking dick. But I'm not suggesting that you roast me. I'm just sharing this, you know.

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Yeah, this little thing. And, you know, if you want to, we can take some LSD and I can fuck with you. That was the other thing that a lot of my friends did.

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We have. That's true. We have. But never LSD. Never LSD or ayahuasca. I mean, ayahuasca I put in a different category of things to do. That's not like, you know, haha giggles on a Friday night. That's. No, that's not. Yeah, it's like get the therapist involved kind of thing. I want to know how my friend did on the hero dose.

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She called me over the weekend, as she often does. She'll call me on the weekend when she's driving up, you know, outside the perimeter to do something. She'll call and check in and tell me how funny the show is. That's why I answer the phone because she always says how funny our show is. And that makes me, that gives me a tickle in my pickle. So,

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Celebrities, fun and games, probably Chrissy and I sleeping a little bit on air, or the opposite, we'll be high on some kind of, you know, Colombian marching powder that keeps us going throughout the day, or five-hour energy. We have plenty of that, Chrissy.

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But I'll get an update and I'll let you know how the hero goes. Please do. But anyway, I love you. We should have done the roast. I should have kicked that guy's ass. I love you too. Yeah. Okay. We'll be back with more shenanigans.

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Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large.

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And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules.

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They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything. You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Serea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. Okay, I have a question for the listeners out there, and I know I'll probably get a lot of feedback about this.

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I mean, I'm eyeing that five-hour energy right now. I'm like, well, it's not good for my heart. But, you know, you only live once. Twelve hours of TCB celebrating five years of the commercial. Five years of the commercial.

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True or not true statement I'm about to make. Everybody in your particular town has all of a sudden become a student driver. Oh, my God.

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It is literally insane.

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It's a lone old woman or single human. Yes. Or clearly someone who should have been driving most of their life.

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Appa to driving school on the side of the car. There'd be a big yellow sign on top of it. You'd know clearly that this sometimes even two extra like, you know, red lights sitting on the back of the car, like hooked up through the, you know, you know, the crappy civic with the two extra lights.

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The guy's making extra money on the weekend teaching driving or whatever that it used to be clearly identified. But now, at least where we live in Atlanta, we've talked about this with a lot of people.

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It appears that every fourth car is now a student driver because they are putting bumper stickers on the back of their car that either say, please be patient, learning to drive, or student driver in a big yellow bumper sticker that they have attached to their car, magnet, whatever.

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You know what? I thought about that. I know you might be right. I thought about that, and I looked it up, and I don't see... There is a band named Student Driver, but they don't seem to be like... They don't seem to be so popular to be Taylor Swift level to get that kind of attention on the back of a car. I mean, every fucking fourth car, it says student driver.

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It's hard to wrap your head around. It is. How long this has been going on. It feels in a lot of ways like yesterday. And in some ways it feels very much not like yesterday. I completely agree. We've been doing this for a lot longer.

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So now I did a little informal experiment, a little control and a little, you know, a little control and a little what do you call it? Test. Test skirt. I drove to both schools that my children go to, and that happens one hour after the other, one at eight, one at nine. And I drove them to school, and I would say it's a five-mile round trip to each school.

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So we're talking about 10 total miles that I'm driving. And I saw seven, seven student driver cars. Stickers on the back of cars. That is an insane amount of cars to see. And I'm driving like side streets, not highways. So I'm getting stuck behind cars or see cars at a stoplight or whatever that have student driver on the back of them.

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Just because you're a poor fucking driver does not mean you get the right to put student driver on the back of your car. What that does mean is you should take lessons. But if you've been driving for more than a year, you are no longer a student driver, and I don't want you to use that student driver sticker. because it gives inappropriate attention to your piss-poor driving.

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And if you think for one second that I'm going to excuse you because you put a sticker on the back of your car and you're driving 22 miles per hour in a 45-mile-per-hour lane, no siree-bah. Enough!

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We all are going around lying to each other, pretending that shit is one way when it really isn't, so that we can get the empathy or sympathy of others on the road when the fact is you shouldn't have a license in the first place because you don't know how to drive.

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Student driver. F-U, student driver. F-U. That's what I'm going to put. F you, student driver. This is a trend that has taken hold, and I don't get it because I don't know. But when I was a student driver, like when I had my learner's permit, I think I knew a collective three other human beings who had their learner's permit.

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Yeah, well, I mean, when you're this deep in, it's all-consuming. That's all I remember is the commercial break. I don't even remember which other jobs I had, if I'm being completely honest with you.

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I, it's impossible that every fourth car on the road has their learner's permit or is within the first year of driving. Here's the thing. So, and this is what really got me set off. This is a couple of months ago. I've been waiting to talk about this for months.

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Fuck no. I mean, I think my dad probably would have wanted to do it. But two things. He was way too precious about his vehicle to be putting a sticker on the back of the car. Bumper stickers were a no-no in my house and continue to be a no-no in my house. Like my kids always want to put a sticker on. I'm like, do you know how fucking trashy? I mean, do you know how trashy that is?

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And then people send us pictures with their TCB sticker on the back. TCB is okay. No. So I... A couple of months ago, I'm driving here in the back roads north of Atlanta. And, you know, I've gotten really a lot better about my road. I don't call it road rage. I call it road irritation about my road irritation.

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Yeah, well, and I'll take it because it's true. But I slow down. I give people some space and some grace and understand that they just might be going through something. However, if I see someone that is purposefully driving like an idiot, like they're like they're on their phone, FaceTiming somebody. That's a whole different animal altogether.

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So I am driving in the back roads and I'm on my way to Starbucks. I'm driving the back roads and there is a person in a very nice BMW, like brand new BMW. These are like 80, $90,000 cars. Big old student driver on the back. So I'm already irritated. I'm already irritated that anybody would give a student driver a $90,000 car. That's a dumb thing to do.

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I don't care how much money you have to throw in the trash. I don't care if you're Elon fucking Musk. You give a clunker to a student driver.

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until they learn how to drive, or until they deserve to have a $90,000 car. Giving your 16-year-old kid or 17-year-old kid or 18-year-old kid or any kid a $90,000 car is a clear indication that your head is screwed on improperly. I'm just sharing that with you right now. So I'm behind this car, and they are going 22 miles per hour in a 45,000.

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And so now I for about a mile, I'm like, OK, all right, Brian, speed it up here. Give him 100 feet. Chill out, you know. But, you know, I start to get a little twitchy at like mile number one point five because now I'm now there's a line of cars behind me. And there's a guy behind me who's Brian Green number two.

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So much. in such a short period of time. And it's been the longest five years of my life and the shortest five years of my life. I've had multiple children. I mean, it's just like, we could go on and on and we will go on and on on the 12 hours. We'll have a lot to discuss. We'll be reviewing the five years of the commercial break, talking about some of our favorite, uh,

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He's like, you know, he's swerving to the left, swerving to the right, right up on my ass. And I'm like, hey, bro, don't get at me.

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And I'm not getting any closer because I don't know what's going on there. But I start to edge a little closer. And as I edge a little closer, I can see through the back window that they have one of those suction cups holders on their thing. And I can see that there is a video playing on the phone, a video or a FaceTime call. And I'm like, okay. You got to be kidding me.

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You got to be kidding me that this person is watching a video or making a FaceTime call while not paying attention to anything that's going on. And by the way, she, who I learned later is a she, she is kind of swerving around, like almost hits a mailbox over on the other side of the road, hitting the brake. Oh. You know the people that drive with two feet? Yes.

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My mom drives with two feet and it drives me crazy. She drives with two feet. She hits the brake and the accelerator at the exact same time.

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I know. And my mom claims that's how she learned to drive. And I'm like, no one in their right mind would teach you how to drive like that, mom. That's crazy. I knew your father. He was an FBI. Like, this guy did not drive like that. I'm sure of it. So... I get stuck for like four and a half miles. She's taking every turn I need to take. She's driving every place I need to drive.

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And wouldn't you fucking know it, she pulls into the Starbucks. And I don't have time to go into the Starbucks. One of the few times I'm going to run through the drive-thru. So I go behind her in the drive-thru, and now she's got her window rolled down, and I can see through her rearview mirror that she is, in fact, on a FaceTime call or a video call.

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I don't know which one it is, but she's on a video call. It's a huge line at Starbucks for the drive-thru, and as people are pulling up, she's not pulling up. It's taking her, like, minutes to realize that people are moving, and so I just give her a little love tap.

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And she goes like this. like waved me off through her window. Wow. And I was like, oh.

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She's at the, oh, no. Now I'm full on road rage. Now I'm pissed. I'm like, okay, lady, all right. She gets up to the speaker. She's taking her dear sweet time. She's asking the person on the phone. I can hear this all going on. She's asking the person on the phone what they want. She's ordering 10 different coffees, 30 different ways, whatever.

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So we get out and she pulls up and she pays and this whole thing takes like 15 minutes. It's like incredibly frustrating. I should have gone in because now I'm like late anyway. Right. she pulls to the end of the drive through to the stop sign to get out of the parking lot. And she stops at the stop sign. There's only, there's only two people.

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Only two cars can fit in that entrance, one going in and one going out. And she stops and she picks up her phone and now she's texting or, or writing an email on her phone and she's not going. And so I sit there for a minute and I give her a little love time and she goes, she weighs me off again. Um, And I open the window and I go, you got to go. I can't fit around you.

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And she waves me off a third time. And now there's a guy behind me. And he's like, meh. This guy's really pissed. And you know what she does? She puts on her blinkers. Like her hazard? Yes, like her hazard. And goes swerve around. Well, there's a guy behind me. I'm behind her. And now there's a person in the drive-thru. So none of us can go because she's sitting there. So now I'm like... Yeah.

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segments, content, guests, and all that other stuff. Celebrity guests will be here, and we'll do it all for a good cause, Chrissy, as we celebrate National Mental Health Awareness Month, which is May, and of course, just like us, we're waiting until the very last day of May to do it. In support with our good friends at Odyssey, Covert Creative, and CTV.

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I'm just laying on the horn. And then I stop and I go, we cannot get around you. Pull into the parking lot. And she goes, go around me. I'm busy. So I literally am stuck. I cannot go backwards. I cannot go forwards. Now there's a traffic jam. So I get out of my car because now I'm like, I'm going to have to explain to this lady and I hope that she doesn't shoot me.

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So more information to follow on all that jazz. I don't want to get you mucked up in the details. We're still a couple months away from that. But I thought I'd let you know. Because, you know, you're going to have to pack a lunch. This is going to be a long one. 12 episodes, 12 hours, one day. We actually had to contact Apple and Spotify.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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We had to contact them and let them know that, no, that's not fake traffic. That's just us being ridiculous. And they said, okay, this one time we'll allow you to do it, TCB. And we said, thank you, sir. Thank you very much. I learned that, interestingly enough, I was thinking about you when I learned this.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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I was this many days old when I learned that friends who roast each other tend to be friends for longer and tend to be more satisfied with their friendship. The strongest connections that we make are with the people who give us the hardest time, like roasting each other. And so it made me think about that time that Brian Moses, who you barely remember, but I can kind of remember him.

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For a year, because I kind of took this keen interest in this one particular hour-long special that I watched, and I knew someone who was a big Thomas Kinkade collector, bought into the whole thing. A neighbor that I had in Chicago had a lot of these paintings.

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Oh, really? Very interesting. Okay. So I lived next door to someone or down the street from someone who essentially had the same thing in their house and they adored these things. They were like precious. They would show them to us and tell us the story about how they got them or what it means or who this guy is and, you know, the word of the Lord and all this other stuff.

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No, I remember.

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The word of the Lord. Yes. I hate when people say that, the word of the Lord. Like you heard him say anything. All right. Okay. So there had been rumors, I read a number of years ago, that Thomas Kinkade had was actually a really fantastic artist, but he did not always paint all these lovely Lord of the Light type paintings. But sometimes he painted some really disturbing, dark, weird shit.

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Brian Moses invited us out to do the roast battle out in L.A. He does it with Jeffrey Ross and that whole ragtag group that's doing Kill Tony, which is now on Netflix. Kill Tony is on Netflix.

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But then it was all locked away in a vault. But no one ever found the vault to get into the vault or whatever the story was because it's kind of like Al Capone's vault, right? It was like stuffed away somewhere in a secret location that no one ever knew about. So it's like this nebulous thing. In this documentary, apparently... They find the vault? They open the vault. Oh.

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And they get access to this collection of paintings that was very much not what Thomas Kinkade supposedly was all about. And I think this proves once and for all that Thomas Kinkade was maybe the ultimate art troll ever. More than Banksy... more than Andy Kaufman, Thomas Kinkade. Why?

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Because yeah, Banksy's made a lot of money and everybody fiends for a Banksy, but you're in on the joke with Banksy, right? He's making this art to blow up or, you know, on the side of a wall, some random Italian town or whatever. Thomas Kinkade had the, he took it all the way. He took it all the way. He made billions of dollars.

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His company made billions of dollars selling these rather like kind of, you know, ho-hum paintings to unassuming people. He took it all the way. And until the last dying breath of the Thomas Kinkade phenomenon, everyone who loved Thomas Kinkade believed that Thomas Kinkade was a certain way... A wholesome guy. Yes, when in fact...

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He was getting lap dances and hand shandies by night, snorting coke off strippers' asses while you were staring at his Thomas Kinkade painting, wondering what the word of the Lord is. Unbelievable. He gotcha.

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I love it, too.

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I think this might be one of the most underrated stories about a troll or a performance artist ever. And I cannot wait to see this movie. And there's like one trailer out there in the universe. And they have an Instagram page with a couple videos. But it's just more like splicing the trailer up in different ways. There's not a lot of people following this page.

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Yeah. OK, I'll just I'll leave. I'll leave it there anyway. OK. Remind me of that time that he invited us out there. And both of us, I think, were a little bit gun shy. You were more gun shy than I was. I was like, it's OK. We'll go up there. I was offering us to, you know, he's like, just do three minutes. We'll give you coaches. You guys can write these jokes.

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But I think this is going to be one of those. I mean, to me, at least, this is going to be one of those stories that I love to dig into. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because I love the thought. I like my neighbor in Chicago, but it's been many years since I've seen her. I love the thought that she just bought into this whole milk. And honestly, it was 2% with some cocaine in it.

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It's great.

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They don't show it in the trailer, but they show an iPad with pictures or like photographs of stuff in the vault to people who knew Thomas Kinkade or studied Thomas Kinkade or whatever. And the expression on those people's faces is like... Like, whoa, like, you know, completely aghast at what they saw.

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And so apparently this stuff is really dark and like, you know, maybe disturbing in a lot of ways. Like, I mean, I imagine it's like, you know, S&M type stuff.

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I don't know what I imagine, you know, death and destruction or whatever. I can't wait to see it. I'm so excited about it.

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I know. We should like, I mean, it'll be a long time before we'll be able to, a little viewing party here. It'll be a long time.

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Oh God, I can't wait. I'm just like super excited. I don't know. Just that one hour of television so many years back got me so interested in the Thomas Kinkade story. And then, you know, occasionally I'll read something about Thomas Kinkade and I'll be like, oh, yeah, something's going to leak out of it.

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You know, this whole thing came crashing down, by the way, for Thomas Kinkade, like Beanie Babies and everything else in the life. You know, it's hot. It's not good. Something happens. Thomas Kinkade went through a series of scandals, I believe, and that kind of destroyed his reputation. But this takes it even further.

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Like this gets to the root of the matter, which is he really was scamming us all in a way where he was, I think, going to bed at night laughing to himself. Like, I can't believe I pulled this off. This is amazing. Right. Like Andy Kaufman, the wrestler. Do you know what I'm saying? Like no one could ever figure out if Andy Kaufman wanted to be a wrestler. Was he a wrestler?

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Did he actually wrestle? No one could ever figure out if he was. What was that character that he played? Do you remember? Oh, yeah. It's right at the tip of my tongue. Not Leon, but.

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Yeah. Someone like that. Andy Kaufman. And you have to have your head directly up your butthole not to know this. But Andy Kaufman was a performance artist. One of the best comedians of all time. Certainly one of the most shocking comedians of all time. He had a...

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character that Tony Tony something that would come out and Tony was like a lounge singer but he was a shocking lounge singer he would come out with like half naked women he would sing dirty songs and so many people believed that that was Andy Kaufman yeah Tony Clifton Tony Clifton that he would dress up because it was clearly makeup like you could see that it was like a prosthesis he was wearing on his face so many people thought that's Andy doing the joke

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You can be in total control of which ones you do and which ones you don't do. And I thought to myself, we should revisit that because we are best friends. We are. And maybe a little roasting is what this relationship needs. Just get it out in the open. Spice it up a little bit. Either make us friends or come to a natural conclusion of the commercial break. Yeah, exactly. A natural conclusion.

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But... sometimes Andy and Tony Clifton would be in the same place and people would see him in the same place. Tony over there, Andy over there. And people were like, wait, I thought you were Tony. And he's like, I don't know what you're fucking talking about. Tony was like Andy's manager, quote unquote, who was also a lounge singer. It was like this whole routine.

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But Andy found ways to continue to fuck people over and mess with their mind. It was like a magic trick of hilarity that he loved. And I thought it was brilliant. I really did. I think it's so I think it's so much fun. And the thought that Thomas did this, but got away with it? Like everyone's serious? Andy Kaufman, okay, he's got someone else dressed up as Tony Clifton today.

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Thomas Kinkade, no one suspected. No one suspected. But long before the internet, long before you could Google or there were cell phones in everybody's hands taking pictures.

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Disney, Universal, on and on and on and on and on. He painted some of the most precious brands for some of the most precious brands in the world. And they didn't know that he was, in fact, just a sleazy artist. who is a good artist, good artist, no doubt about it. He certainly had a talent for painting, but I can't wait. I want to wrap it up. I want to piece it all together.

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I want to see the end of this story. I'm living long enough to see the end of the Thomas Kinkade story.

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That makes me happy. Yeah, we'll have a viewing. I don't know when, and I don't know if that's legal, but maybe I should reach out to the people who made the movie and say, I'd really like to talk about this movie on air.

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Can I get a viewer? And to which they'll say, who? Who? Well, it's your old friends at TCB. And for the 33 hours of TCB, we'd like to talk about the Thomas Kinkade documentary.

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Oh, I did do that once.

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It was interesting. It was interesting. The theater was interesting. The people in the theater were interesting. The few of us that there was. The security guard keeping an eye on me was interesting. It was all very interesting. And the movie itself was not interesting. That's right. I'm sorry.

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Borderlands was not a good movie, and I think it's universally agreed upon, including some of the people who made the movie. They just don't like it. They tried, but it was just too weird and choppy. Whatever. If you're one of those people who knows about Borderlands and you watched Borderlands, I'm not saying anything sacrilegious. You understand. It was a really bad movie. But...

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Nonetheless, great actors and actresses in it. And our friend Gina Gershon was in it. That's right. Jack Black, Kevin Hart.

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Pedro Pascal.

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Jamie Lee Curtis was in it.

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A video game. A very popular video game. Like a very popular video game. But there are so many problems making a video game into a movie. This is like notoriously a hard thing to do. And they didn't get it right on this one either. all right you student drivers out there look out brian's coming for you i'm giving you no grace student drivers i'm on to you i see you you inconsiderate selfish pricks

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I know. One of the two. But I was thinking back on like all of my friendships, all the friendships I've had throughout the years. And I think it's true. I think the friends that I've had for the longest, sans you, because I think we have a little bit of a different relationship. We don't roast each other a whole bunch. I mean, we have fun here in the studio.

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No, I'm kidding. If you're a student driver and you want to denote that so we all take care around you, then do it. But don't put a student driver. Why would you put a student driver sticker on the back of your car if you're not a student driver? To me, it makes no sense. I don't understand.

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The only thing I can think of is that you're a bad driver and you want people to give you a little bit of room.

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That's right.

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That's right. TCBpodcast.com, 212-433-3TCB. Add The Commercial Break on Instagram and YouTube.com. Slash The Commercial Break. For all the episodes the same day they air here. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now. Thanks. I'll tell you that I love you. I'll say best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe.

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Yeah, we rib. But it's not, it's not a, I wouldn't call it like a serious roasting. We never like get under each other's skin or try and, You know, poke at our insecurities. Yeah, no busting balls. But I do... Some of my other best friends that I've had are friends that I consider good friends. We really do give each other a hard time.

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I think about Raphael or my brothers or, you know, some people that I'm maybe not as close with now, but back then. And they would just go at me. And I... hated it with every fiber of my being. Right. But for some reason, it endured me to them. Like, I liked the fact that they would roast me. Let me give you an example. This weekend, there was a big party.

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So those who have listened to the commercial break know that I'm married to a Venezuelan woman. And how I met that Venezuelan woman was through my Venezuelan best friend and his incredibly large family. Now, this is the kind of family where where you can be like 32 cousins removed, yet you are still part of the immediate family. Do you know what I'm talking about?

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Yeah, this seems to be big in the Hispanic culture that everyone is part of the family, no matter how distant the relation is.

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And when the siren song of a party goes across the wires, then everybody from many different countries, even other planets, I think, just zoom on in to come to this party because there's going to be free liquor, someone's going to cook food, and there's going to be dancing, so we better get there because... You know, that's the spice of life. General fun.

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Yes, that's the thing that makes the world go round. And for Venezuelans, the party is life. Life is a party. There is no other reason to exist except to get to the next party.

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I agree with you. I'm right there. And as a teenager, that was like the... As a teenager and in my early 20s, before I met Raphael, that was the opposite of what I experienced. I would... And I've said this before... And in my family, my immediate family, my cousins, my uncles, my aunts, we have one very large family on my mom's side.

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Yet it seemed like a race to get out the door as soon as you got in the door. Do you know what I'm saying? Like it was in the door. Food was served immediately. People would say their goodbyes and gone. If it lasted an hour, that was a party. If it lasted two hours, people were getting fussy and antsy. If it lasted three hours, there was like a mutiny on the bow.

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Like, where's the fucking, get me the fuck away from these people. But in the Venezuelan culture, which is the one I know the best, and I think this is true of a lot of Hispanic cultures and European cultures, quite frankly. like Spain and stuff like that, it seems like the opposite. Everyone just, they want to stay as long as they can. They want to do as much as they can.

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So over the weekend, there's like the first big get-together for one of the family members' 100th birthday party.

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And she looked great. Her name is Tatcha, or that's what we call her, Tatcha. And she was not even a family member. She is the woman who raised the great-grandparent, The grandparent, the parent, and then Raphael.

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The phone works both ways, bro. We could talk to each other.

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What a celebration. And she looked fantastic. They had her sitting in a chair like when you walked into this clubhouse with a bunch of balloons and like a whole thing. And then two photographers were taking pictures. Everyone who came in got a picture with her. It was just like a beautiful event.

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Everyone was there. Five years old, because I don't think we've all gotten together. Like everyone has gotten together since the pandemic. Some people have, but we haven't seen a lot of those people since the pandemic. And it was just beautiful. A hundred and, I don't know, 20 people there. Everybody who's anybody who ever talked to these people is invited. And this is this huge party.

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Room is filled. And Raphael, my best friend, is there giving me a hard time, as he always does, about everything. Yeah, bro, we don't see you anymore. It's like, you know, you don't even love us anymore. He's just like ribbing me the whole time. And I'm annoyed. And I'm like, Raphael, shut the fuck up. Like, the phone works both ways, bro. Like, you could, you know, we could talk to each other.

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And he remembered.

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We did, but that's not enough for him. He's like my extra wife. He's like a second wife.

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We did, but that's not enough for him. He's like my extra wife. He's like a second wife. It's never enough for me. He needs more of my time than I am able to give. He got a taste. He got a little tasty Tina or Brian. And listen, when you get a tasty tea of these cheese bags... You want the full dip. You know what I'm talking about? You want a full-throated taste of Brian.

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It's never enough for him. He needs more of my time than I am able to give.

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He got a taste.

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He got a little tasty Tina or a Brian. And listen, when you get a tasty tea of these tea bags, you want the full dip. You know what I'm talking about? You want a full-throated taste of Brian.

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Yes, that's right. And then 24 hours later, you're like, that guy's a real asshole. I realize now why we haven't seen him in five years. But he him and I were shooting the shit. And we were just like, you know, hey, man, I love you. It's so good to see you. You know, I just we need to spend more time together, which is true. All of this is true. I'm not. He's right.

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I have a million children and it's really hard to find time. But I need to find time because that is the fruit of the tree is your friendships and the people that you love. Yeah. And now the kids are old enough, or some of them are old enough, that I can break away for a few minutes. I need to do more of that. And he goes, but you're just such an asshole. Like, you're such an asshole.

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And man, I hate you sometimes. He's like, I still think you should have kicked that guy's ass. And as soon as he said that, I get so fucking irritated because I remember the exact thing that he's talking about.

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The exact ass that he wanted me to kick. That's right. Yeah. I remember the exact ass and the exact moment that he's talking about. Let me explain. We're working at the La Strada, the Italian Trattoria, where you send some soft-shell crabs and some dried bread. We're also working there, too? Chianti Classico. That's how we met. That's where we met. What? Oh, okay. That's where we met.

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There's too many stories to tell, but I won't get into it. If you remember, he became the general manager of the – there was two of these locations. And the one that I worked at, he came from the other location to be the manager. And the very first night that we met, he wasn't there to manage. He was there to just sit at the bar and kind of observe things. Well, we both got incredibly drunk. Yeah.

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Headed to the bar across the street, closed that out, then walked to his grandparents' house where Tacho was waiting to make us food. Right, right, right. She like got up and started cooking empanadas. And I'm like, what the hell?

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Yes. And then he tried to get me in his bed. Yes. Remember?

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No, this is the very first night we met. Rafa has suggested that we sleep in the same bed together. And as an Irish white guy with a lot of Catholic guilt and some feelings around that, I was like, no, no, no, no, no. You got the wrong guy, mister. See you later. So I'm out with his his grandparents portable phone outside of this townhouse calling for a cabin for 30 in the morning. Anyway.

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Fast forward a year later, we've been working together for a long time and now we're best friends. And there is a guy named Eric that works at the restaurant. Eric is a noted crackhead. And when I say noted crackhead, I don't mean that like as a like as a put down. I mean that literally he is a crackhead. He smokes crack and he's been known to do it at work. The guy is a fantastic waiter.

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Fantastic. Maybe the best in the entire place.

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Yes, because he is like sonic. Smooth and efficient. He's light on his feet. He's zipping all over the place. He can handle a million tables. He talks to everybody. He's sweating profusely all over your food. But he's really good at what he does. And everybody knew it. So therefore, they tolerated the other behaviors. But at some point, Eric and I got on the wrong foot. He owed me $100.

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I don't know. I gave him $100 to go get drugs. He never came back with it. Something happened. And this turned into an entire restaurant ordeal. Do you know what I'm talking about?

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We gave him money to go get something. He never showed back up with it. Then claimed that he got robbed or whatever the deal was. Like real crackhead type shit, right? Like real crackhead type story. Eric was all of a sudden persona non grata. But we saw him pull up with his wife at the time into the bar directly across the street. And we had been looking for him.

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Yes, that's right. And then 24 hours later, you're like, that guy's a real asshole.

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Where are you with our hundred dollars? Where are you?

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The same night he left. He had gotten off like in the afternoon shift. And we said, all right, bro, set us up for the, you know, hook us up for the nighttime. We're going to have a big party here at La Strada once it closes down. Which happened a lot, by the way.

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We would lock the doors and multiple times the police officers were like in the parking lot, like with the flashlights looking in and we were like, nothing to see here. We wouldn't open the doors. We'd be like, we're fine. Everything's okay. There's hostages in here. Don't worry about it.

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uh so he took our money he and i was like the guy in charge for whatever reason of this particular situation and rafael got me all worked up and he said you gotta fucking kick this guy's ass man there's only one way to teach a crackhead how to there's only one way to teach a lesson to a crackhead and that's a fucking kick his ass kick his fucking ass brian go get him get him get this walk across street let's get him

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And there were other employees that went over there and they got Eric all riled up. So now it's like it's literally a scene out of the West Side Story. When you're a jet, you're a jet all the way from your first cracky pipe to your sniff all the day. Like it's like it's crackhead West Side Story. And so at some point, the game is on.

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We've been at the restaurant as long as we can be at the restaurant. I don't know what to do. I'm not a fighter. I never have been.

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No. I've been in a few scraps. A couple I've won. Most I've lost. It's not my thing. I've defended myself in certain situations, but I am not the guy to swing first. I have never been the guy to swing first. So we go over there and we're walking across the street and Eric comes out with his team and I got my team. And it's like seriously a gang war in front of this suburban dive bar.

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But he rallied some troops. Are you alive in 2025? People have teams regardless if they're right or wrong. It doesn't matter. This is true. Good point. People like shitheads, too. For some reason, they vote for the troll. I don't know why. Who knows? And when I say team, he's got, like, his, you know, four or five people. And I got my four or five people.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

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Yeah, I don't. Yes. I mean, did you see him at the Republican National Convention? He struggled mightily to get that little T-shirt off of his chest. First of all. Second of all, I'm not an ageist, but at 70 something years old, I think it's time to start wearing sleeves. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I mean, just like be kind of act your age a little bit. I will always love the Hulk.

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I will always love the Hulk. I don't have to love his, you know, I don't have to love everything that he thinks or everything that he stands for, but I can love who he was when I was like, I can love that memory of the Hulk. Listen, I don't agree with everything Michael Jackson did either, but I can agree that, you know, Billie Jean is a good song for sure. I can compartmentalize in that way.

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You absolutely do, because everybody has to uncover every fucking thing about everybody and cancel them for any reason. Okay, I'm going to get off my high horse. Hulk comes out. He turns his five-minute or three-minute appearance at the Netflix Raw into a beer commercial for his shitty Bud Light ripoff beer. You know he's got a beer?

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Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Grain, this is the Hogan of Mycena. Chris and Joy Hoadley, best to you, Chrissy. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. Here we are, season number six. Rounding the corner into our fifth year of the commercial break, Chrissy.

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It's called, like, the Great American Hulk beer or something like that. I'm sure it's flying offshore store shelves right now. Because, you know...

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Well, watch Netflix. I mean, who's drinking this fucking shit? No one's drinking this fucking shit is the answer to that. So he comes and he turns it in to a commercial for his beer, and the fans were having none of it. They were having zero of it. They weren't playing. They booed him almost right out of the stadium. And that was kind of sad to see.

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Like, Hulk should just pack it in, I think, a little bit. He wants, like, be an executive at the company or something like that. You don't need to be out there shirtless running around doing beer commercials on Netflix. It's just beneath you. It really is. Didn't he win $200 million from...

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situation no i think he's pretty much proven that there's no beneath the hulk anyway didn't he win 200 million dollars and shut down uh one of those gawkers gawker he he he won gawker he won a website for 200 million dollars and the guy's still out there hocking his shitty beer i mean he had that show that reality show on too for a while Oh, the reality show is good. I like that. Yeah.

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You know, but I'm into shitty reality shows. So him, his daughter, his son. Anyway, the Netflix Raw debut. I wanted to say this. I'll make this point and then we'll talk about it after the break. Didn't Netflix just put out a steaming hot pile of burn you up documentary about Vince McMahon? Yes, that's what I was saying. part documentary about what a shithead he was.

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It is so good, by the way. So good. You don't have to be a wrestling fan in order to enjoy the Vince McMahon documentary. And like any documentary that really takes a look and explores the subject, there are many faces to Vince McMahon. Not all of them bad. Certainly not all of them good. But it's a fascinating look at the P.T. Barnum of our day. He really is the P.T. Barnum of our day. All right.

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I know we have to take a break, so let's do this. We'll take a break. When we get back, we'll continue this conversation. And hopefully our boys out here will have blown off the driveway by then.

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Yeah, they've de-snowed my front yard. All right. We'll be back.

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Why, why, why? Why is my life taking such a desperate turn? If you were writing a book, this would be the last chapter. The fifth year. How long can we continue is the question. It's like a marathon. How long can my feet continue to roll us along? I don't know. We'll figure it out as we... as we jump into close to 700 episodes of this show. Can you believe that?

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New season, same smoke machine. All right, so... You do love your smoke machine. I do love my smoke machine. So, yeah, it's like, it seems... Can you Google this, Christina? Is Vince McMahon still a part of the WWE? Because I believe that he was kicked out of the WWE because he was some sexual harassment allegations. Mm-hmm. Number three.

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It's of January 26, 2020. Okay, so he's back out. I think he was in, then he was out, then he was in, and now he's back out again.

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But they put together this scathing documentary. I mean, it really was a scathing documentary about him. Seven parts, really fascinating to watch. And then Netflix then buys the rights to WWE Raw. You've got to give something to Ted Sarandos. Ted Sarandos, who's the guy who runs Netflix?

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Sarandos or Saranos? Sarandos. Let's figure this out before.

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There is a first time for everything. I have to tell you something. While we're on this, I'll just take a little.

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They did? They did?

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Really? I like the balls on that Chelsea Handler.

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I just got to say that. They hang low and they swing long. During the break. We put out a episode with our new friend, Poppy Liu. Yes. Okay. So I put this episode out and I kept calling her Poppy Liao, which is not correct because that would be our friend. There was another young lady that we had on. Remember that comedian who had the last name Liao?

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I kept saying Liao. What's that? Leslie Liao.

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And who also works at Netflix, just to let you know, to oddly bring it back around.

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Um, so I have to apologize to Poppy. I fixed it. I went and I fixed it, but I kept calling her Leo. It's Leo. Um, okay. So they put together this documentary and then they bring in the rights. They pay billions of dollars for the rights to this WWE. You got to give it to Ted because Ted does not give a shit. The money is green. He doesn't care what color it is. He puts out anything.

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Part of me likes that approach. I like the approach that let the viewer figure out what they like and what they don't like. Um, You know, it's not up to us to activate or have activism. And then part of me goes, it seems a little weird that when I turn on my Netflix last night, watch WWE Raw.

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Would you like to continue watching the Vince McMahon documentary about how shitty the guy who started Monday Night Raw is? It's fascinating.

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It really is insane. This is the 675th episode, although on the RSS feed, you'll find this to be the 674th episode. We were just talking about how I deleted one of the episodes. I don't even have a copy of that episode. Did you know that?

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Definitely a contradiction. But a lot of celebrities showed up last night. Travis Scott was there. Like I said, Hulk Hogan was there. John Cena was there. The Rock was there. Lots of actors and actresses showed up for the big L.A. debut. Jeremy Piven was there. Jeremy Piven, who may make a future appearance here at the show. Remember Jeremy Piven? Of course. He was in that show.

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What was that show? It was really good.

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Did you watch Entourage? I did. I loved Entourage. Were you in Entourage? Did you?

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He was the dentist, but then I read that he played George Costanza.

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Bryan Cranston was the dentist.

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Yeah.

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Serendipity is such a great movie.

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And isn't that like the third time him and John Cusack were in a movie together? I think it was. They seem to have a bromance. Those two love each other. Anyway, so a lot of celebrities showed up last night. WWE is hot. It's hot, Chrissy. Would you show up to the... Would you go...

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You are kidding me.

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Okay, so tell me about the whole experience.

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The ring?

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Did it seem real when you were watching it?

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Oh, I mean, on TV, I think they got the angles and the cameras and it's, you know, it's big and it's blown up. But I've never been to an actual wrestling event live. So I'm... Listen, I do think there is certainly...

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athleticism that goes on in that sport and to say that these guys don't actually hurt themselves or aren't getting hurt is complete bullshit because you can't throw yourself even on a bouncy mat you can't throw yourself from 10 feet over and over again and not be in pain, have to have some strength. I mean, these guys flip each other over. It's crazy. They're great athletes.

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Yeah, it's probably not necessary. No one asked for it. No one wants it. I always thought, I always felt like, I mean, listen, when you have 675 episodes, it's unlikely that anyone would start at the first episode, I think. I don't know, because that's not how it presents itself inside of any application.

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There's no doubt about that. And the storylines are entertaining. So I think what they have done is kind of taken that gladiator mentality that has been around for so long and...

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brought it to the 21st century with a little bit of pt barnum and bailey kind of circus atmosphere and whatever is hot in that moment you know there was over the years they have transformed themselves to meet the culture where it's at and i think that is what the wwe has done so very well and they have millions, billion fans around the world.

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It's such a hot property that you can understand why Netflix would want to be a part of it. Netflix is just gobbling up everything.

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So this is a great... This is a great conversation. So let's... This is a great place for this conversation to go. There is... Television is struggling mightily. The cable channels, the carriers, the carriage fees that they get are shrinking, and people are watching less and less actual live television. Everybody wants to see it now. Everybody wants it to drop at one time.

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Everybody wants to binge watch. It's something that Netflix pioneered, and now it's something that everybody expects, right? We're all used to, if I can see one episode and I like it, I have to see the next episode, the next episode. A lot of these streaming platforms are now rolling back that, with the exception of Netflix. And I think they have done this a few times, but not often.

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With the exception of Netflix, most streaming platforms are now releasing on a weekly basis, again, some of their hit properties.

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Hulu, Disney, HBO+, Max-, whatever the fuck they're calling that these days, and even Amazon. They release on a schedule because they realize that that keeps people coming back week after week. And when you come back, you are likely to look for other shows that you want to watch. Let's say that you love, I don't know, whatever Amazon's brand new prime hit is.

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and you watch it all in one sitting, you're not taking a break to look for anything else. You're sitting there for seven hours and watching this or that or the other thing. When you release one episode a week, you watch that one hour and then you watch other things. Then you turn to something else.

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Cable and live television was really good at kind of keeping people on the hook and pulling them through, which then allowed advertisers... Appointment viewing. Appointment viewing, right? Right. When we were in radio, they would say to me, not really to me, to the other. I mean, I wasn't really ever on the radio. They would say, you got to leave them with a hook. Right.

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After the break, we'll say this. After the break, we'll say that. I try that here on the show, but people just don't listen anyway. Whatever. But you leave them with a hook so you can pull them through the commercial break because that's really what people need to see.

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And so by leaving a cliffhanger on every episode and then waiting another week to watch it, you would then get engaged with other content that was on that television station or cable TV in general. Now, a lot of these streamers are going back to that because they realize that that is a winning method for TV. keeping people on the platform.

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There was a girl, there have been a couple of ladies, females, one of them a trucker, one of them a woman who worked on a factory floor, and they have written in and explained that they have gone back through every episode of the commercial break. So I know of at least two people who said they have gone through every episode of the commercial break because it kind of keeps them going.

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And when you drop all of the episodes at one time, you get bursts of watching, and then people leave to the next platform to go watch the next hit show. Netflix has generally stayed with that, let's just do the binge-watching thing altogether. But now they are getting into live television. Live television will be appointment viewing.

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Sports and news, appointment viewing. They have tried late night television. They have done comedy specials live, like the Joe Rogan thing, Chris Rock. They have done those type of things. And I think we will see increasingly more live television on Netflix, on Amazon. Like Amazon now is doing live television also. You know, they did the New Year's Eve thing.

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They did, I don't know, now they have playoff football on Amazon Prime.

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they have Thursday night football on Amazon Prime sports they have football soccer you know football in Christina's country so I think I think if I have to like sum this up they broke something that wasn't

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broken and now they're fixing it by making it the way that it was and it seems really strange to me i know i'm gonna sound like an old man when i say this but i just think that cable tv in general sometimes was better with a dvr cable tv sometimes was better i'd like it that way i do like binge watching stuff and i love the ability to have everything under the sun but now

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You know, television stations and in general, streamers are making less and less good television and they're making less and less of it. Now you only get two seasons of something. That's it. And then they go away. Yeah. You don't want to know why? Because there's no way to economically to make it economically viable to have season three, four, five or six.

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Someone comes to the platform and they're paying their fees. They don't give a shit. Two good seasons and then you're out. That's it. It's like the BB fucking C. And I hate that about the BB fucking C. They only make three seasons of anything. that.

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I do love my BritBox. Astrid hates it because we have to pay for it every month, but I love it. I keep fighting for BritBox. Every month we have the same conversation. Yes, I will.

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BritBox?

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It is so good. Do you watch British television?

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And that's... There's something really frustrating about Amazon. While I love Amazon Prime and I think they have a lot of great shows and they allow me to watch all those British comedies, there is something frustrating going on with Amazon. And that is there are so many connections that you have to make in order to watch certain shows and they're really good at sucking you into that bullshit.

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Like... There's a show called The Inbetweeners. Do you know The Inbetweeners? It's like a popular... It's made for teenagers. It's dick jokes about kids in high school. But I like it because I'm a kid in high school. So there's this Inbetweeners show. But I have to have a certain subscription to watch it. And then I want to watch... What was the other show that I was watching? Um...

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I was watching Peep Show, which is another British television show that I love. So I can watch Inbetweeners without ads, but then I have to watch Peep Show with ads, and there's no way for me to take the ads off on Amazon. So they've connected this freebie to Amazon, and now I have to watch ads. How am I paying $75,000 a year to Amazon Prime, and I still have to watch ads?

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Like the trucker was like, it keeps me, you know... It keeps me occupied while I'm rolling down the road. And the factory floor lady was like, this job is miserable. So I just like listening to it while I'm on the factory floor. And I always thought to myself about the young lady who worked at the factory. Don't get your arms chopped off. You know what I'm saying?

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How does that make sense? How is that fair?

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Amazon bought it. Amazon bought freebie. So now just sucked it up. So now you can't get freebie free anymore. You got to watch that. It's in the name. Freebie.

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I can't keep up. That's the difference between you and I. If I really like a show, I'm hunting it down. I'm looking for. What are you watching now?

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Okay, be specific. What are the shows that you were watching? You binge-watched a bunch of stuff on Netflix. What did you binge-watch?

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You know, the diplomat. Let's talk about the diplomat.

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I love Keri Russell. I think she is so incredibly beautiful and talented. And I think she's an executive producer on that show. She was so good in the Americans. The Americans is one of the best television shows of the 2000s, hands down.

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but the something about the diplomat even though i watched most of it something about the diplomat got a little slow for me it felt like we were just kind of like walking in mud a little bit well i watched the end of season one but i haven't watched the end of season two oh the end of season two is good yeah i kind of stopped i was like all right are we gonna talk get back to it jump back in there oh really and then i always felt like we were stuck in the house a lot you know what i'm saying yeah sometimes when television shows are in one place you feel like you're stuck in the house

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I felt like I was stuck in a house. I wanted to get out. I wanted to take a walk. I wanted to go somewhere else. There's a big twist. Okay. Well, all the shows have a big twist. Say nothing is a show that you should watch. Say nothing about the Irish troubles. You know, the Irish troubles in the 80s and 70s, 80s, 60s, 70s, 80s.

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Christina, you have to watch Say Nothing. It is so good. What is it on? It's on Amazon.

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Oh, no. Excuse me. It's on Hulu. Excuse me. It's on Hulu, Disney Plus and Hulu. Say Nothing is one of the best television shows I have seen in a long time. It is so beautifully acted. It is such a, like, I guess for me, I'm of Irish descent.

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Pay attention to what you're doing.

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But I don't know the first thing about Ireland. I mean, I know a little bit about Ireland, enough to be dangerous. I know where it's located on a map. Basically, I can point to it. But I don't know a ton about my own heritage. And the troubles are something that I grew up with, right?

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2239.148

The Irish troubles, the IRA, the, you know, the Irish trying to break away from the British, essentially, the Catholics and the Protestants, you know, this ongoing war that decimated the country for decades and decades. Irish people blowing up Irish people, fighting Irish people, killing Irish people, activism, protesting, all this stuff that went on. It made daily news when I was a kid.

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2262.085

And it just stopped very recently. This show is about one of the only female... what they call executives in the IRA, one of the female managers of the IRA. And it is so fucking delicious. Every episode, beautifully constructed, well acted. The script keeps popping. You just keep going. And here's the best part about it all. It's true.

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2285.785

Every bit of it is, I mean, not every bit of it, but most of it is true.

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2290.209

It's historically generally accurate. And I found it fascinating. And I think part of the reason why is because I don't know fucking shit about Ireland. And then I felt like I knew something about Ireland after I watched the show. I felt like I was doing a history project. You know what I'm saying? I feel like I was doing research and I was really into it.

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2305.095

And now I feel more Irish today than I did before I saw Sadie.

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2314.121

Ireland is where I saw Dating Naked.

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2317.584

Naked Attraction.

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2321.307

Dating Naked is a VH1 show that's nowhere near as good as Naked Attraction. By the way, I thought to myself, we have to do another one of those episodes.

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2331.435

They're so hard to find on YouTube. They are so bananas, literally, including the bananas.

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2338.4

I know, but for our purposes, I tried to find an episode that we could use. And that doesn't mean that we will be able to air it on YouTube because it's highly graphic, but something that we could talk about here. And I guess we could play it through HBO Max here on the television. I was trying to find this on YouTube. So I found a couple of random parts of episodes on YouTube.

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234.524

Maybe, maybe.

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2360.445

And I say this because I was watching this over the break. And I got to tell you, I mean, that show lets it literally all hang out.

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2370.011

It is highly graphic.

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2371.912

It literally.

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2377.775

and i don't know i don't know weird mix of things i've never seen all at once before it's really straight we should do the okay all right i'm changing my mind we'll do one of these episodes maybe maybe soon because they have like the nut cam you know what i'm saying like that camera gets right up in the testicles and it's showing and then the lady's talking about how you see how

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239.388

I think you would start at like 500, 500, because that's still 175 hours that you have to catch up with. And no one wanted the first step. Let's be real about it. No one wanted that first episode. I'm surprised we even made a second episode. We were doing it for fun. We were doing it for fun. It was the pandemic and everyone was, you know, locked down. Yeah, starting a podcast.

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2396.497

one testicle hangs down a little bit lower than the other. Do you like that?

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2405.841

And here's what I like about the show in general. These are not supermodels that are on this show. There are certainly beautiful bodies, but it's like regular, average human beings. This is not, you know, Playboy after dark. This is really just...

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2445.342

Yeah. All right. You're on Naked Attraction on Tuesday. And then on Thursday, you're at the local grocer. And somebody, this old man comes up to you and says, you're not Naked Attraction. Beautiful testicles. I mean, it must be worse for the women, you know. You got a beautiful pussy, you do.

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2462.909

it's crazy how do you do that who volunteers would you volunteer to be on this show hell no fuck no and I think that's a big difference probably between us and Ireland or you know the United Kingdom or whatever is that

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2477.501

we have such shame around our bodies and being naked that i mean maybe not anymore in 2025 as we did back in you know when i was a kid but the reality is these people are like not only naked it's not like they just took like a like a beautiful nude portrait and showed it the cameras are up your lips i mean it's insanely intense and i can't believe it's on television it's crazy

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2504.124

We have to watch it. We have to watch it. Better yet, we should do our version of this here on the commercial break.

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2512.529

I think I would show my naked body if it was for a good reason.

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2520.174

What, Regina? I knew that question was coming and I can't think of one. Like charity. PETA or something like that, right? But no one's asking for my naked body. No one. No one's going, I'd really like to see Brian naked. Okay. You know what I'm saying? But then again, a naked attraction. I think some of those people, no one's looking to see them naked either.

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2539.69

But everybody is different and everybody is beautiful in its own way.

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2545.615

Well, thank God for Astrid. She's decided not to look at my body. She says, if I just keep eye contact, I could probably get through it. If I just think of Colin Farrell, I can probably get through it. Well, she wanted a blue-eyed boy. She got a blue-eyed boy. Just stare at my eyes. Don't look at my balls. They're kind of weird. I'm getting to that age where they're kind of weird. All right.

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2572.23

More talk about my balls when we get back.

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262.211

Everyone was starting a podcast. Now I feel like for a while there, the amount of podcasts that were coming online slowed down. Now I feel like it's ramping back up again because every celebrity needs a podcast and every podcast needs a celebrity. That's how it goes. Unfortunately, this one won't have a celebrity. Well, actually, I take that back.

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2628.206

All right, speaking of great television, did you watch The Golden Globes?

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2635.205

Yeah, I have not paid attention to the Golden Globes. I haven't paid attention to award shows in general. And Astrid keeps telling, keeps, like, poking me. Like, you've got to watch the award shows and talk about them on the show because, you know, a lot of people watch them and they like them and they like to hear. Or they haven't watched them and they like to hear who won.

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2648.973

I watched some of the Golden Globes. And, you know, I give a B to Nikki Glaser. I thought she did an okay job.

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2661.584

Well, Joe Coy had... I don't know why Joe Coy did the Golden Globes. And Astrid goes, why is Nikki Glaser doing the Golden Globes? Like, isn't that usually like some kind of celeb? Like, I don't mean to knock Nikki Glaser. When did she get so famous that she's doing the Golden Globes? And the thing is, since Joe Coy, or since... But really, for the last four years, no one wants to do award shows.

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2683.696

They're thankless gigs. You don't get paid anything. You got to rehearse for years. You have to really be on point. And if you say one fucking thing that tickles someone the wrong way.

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2693.258

You're going.

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2694.758

You're doing a shit to her. I thought she did a good job.

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2702.034

She wrote them all on Stern.

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2711.577

Well, and so Astrid asked me the question, how did she get so famous that she's not doing the Golden Globes? And I said, Stern. I go, she's been on Stern forever.

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2719.22

Fuckboy Island, too. That was good.

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2723.101

Yeah, she's done a lot of high profile things.

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2727.92

And also, she's on Stern, I'd say, twice a year at least. And for like Stern, don't like Stern, whatever, I think he still is kind of a market maker in some ways. If you appear on Stern a number of times, your profile is certainly going to raise. That's why, Howard, I'm offering myself up for a conversation with you. It's time. You'll show your naked body. Yes.

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2749.149

I don't know if you knew this, but I am the most famous Venezuelan you will ever have on the show. Nice. Besides Edgar Ramirez. So, yeah, so I thought Nikki did a pretty good job. I think she did a good job of, like, you know, dancing in between that line, but between... getting canceled and not getting canceled. Yes. And then I don't really remember.

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2774.546

For me, this Golden Globes was not particularly memorable. I don't remember anything. Demi Moore won her first actually acting award at all. Is that right? Demi Moore? And she's been in some pretty good movies. Strip Tease, G.I. Jane.

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279.439

I am now the officially the most famous Venezuelan you know. Just...

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2793.693

Indecent Proposal.

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2798.337

St. Elmo's Fire.

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2802.78

Wow, Chrissy, you really dated yourself with St.

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2809.965

When was that movie made, like 82 or 83? Yeah, 85. 85. St. Elma. Okay, so let's go through the top, just the top of the top. So, actress in a musical or comedy motion picture, Demi Moore for The Substance. Is that a comedy?

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2849.075

That's really weird. I found that to be strange that she was in that category. Anyway, Drama Motion Picture, the winner was The Brutalist with Adrienne Brody.

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2863.337

Yeah, all the movies are now so long because I think – here's the other thing that I think Netflix has done for movies – Netflix can take so much time to play out a story.

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287.542

Yeah, on our break. Listen, Instagram has been a constant source of struggle for the commercial break. Any social media, really. Any video related anything for the commercial break has been a real sore spot for us since the day that we started this show. And therefore, we have... Therefore, we ignored it. Yeah, therefore, we decided not to do anything. It really has ebbed and flowed.

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2875.815

Six, seven, eight hours. That's right. So when you go to a movie and it's an hour and 15 minutes long, you don't feel like you've really been involved in the characters. And I think that's why some of these movies are getting so long. Avatar, Wicked. I mean, James Cameron just doesn't know how to fucking cut a movie down to an hour. How long was Titanic? Six hours? Was Titanic six hours long? No.

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2898.881

So long. Okay, so the Brutalist won for Best Motion Picture. A Complete Unknown, Conclave, Nickel Boys.

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2909.589

Oh, A Complete Unknown? It was good? You liked it? Yeah, it was really good. Okay, good. I want to watch that. Dune Part 2 was also in the mix. Sha la la la la la la la la la la. Didn't he sing all his own songs in that movie, too? I think so, yeah. He did a great job. Good for him. Actress in a drama motion picture. Ferdinanda Torres for I'm Still Here. I don't even know what that movie is.

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2933.14

She was up against Angelina Jolie, Tilda Swinton, Kate Winslet, Nicole Kidman, Pamela Anderson. I would like to see Pamela win, if just for anything, because I like Pamela Anderson.

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2945.746

No, but I'd like to. Have you seen it?

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2947.847

No? The Last Showgirl?

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2950.209

Let's be honest. I don't think anybody's really seen that movie. But everybody likes Pam Anderson, so they want her to win. We're rooting for her. We're rooting for her. I may not see the movie, but I still root for her. Actor in a drama motion picture, Adrian Brody for The Brutalist, up against Ralph Fiennes, Sebastian Stan, Daniel Craig, Timothee Chalamet.

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2966.8

I have not seen that, but that's on my list of things to see.

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2970.382

The Carol Burnett Award. Whatever that is. Ted Danson won that. Cecil B. DeMille Award was Viola Davis. The musical or comedy motion picture went to Amelia Perez was the winner. What is that movie about?

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2991.977

Okay, so we know that Selena Gomez was in the movie. We're really informed on all these movies.

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3004.5

Yeah, normally I feel like I knock out a couple of these, but the only ones that I've really seen are... The only one I've actually seen is Wicked. That's the only one that I saw.

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3014.582

What's that?

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3016.063

Oh, I didn't watch it. I just read about it. You think I watched that? You think I sat here and watched that? You said you watched it. No. I said I saw bits and pieces of it on social media. I was busy with 90 Day the Other Way, Last Resort, or whatever the fuck was going on. My 600 Pound Life. I don't know. There's a brand new episode. There's a brand new season of My 600 Pound Life.

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3034.538

So Dr. Now is going to take lots of my time this year. Musical, comedy, or motion picture? Okay, that was Emily Purse. I cannot believe that... for a musical or comedy that Wicked did not win, but okay, cinematic and box office achievement, Wicked did win, and that was against Beetlejuice Beetlejuice. I didn't know Beetlejuice Beetlejuice did that well.

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3059.757

I have zero interest in Beetlejuice or Beetlejuice Beetlejuice.

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3064.16

You did?

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3069.338

Yeah, I don't know. It's another one of these. It's another one of these that I don't know who's asking for it. Who is asking for Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice? But anyway, okay, Inside Out 2, I just want to share with you that there's a number of people in my household that have seen it. I have not. And apparently they loved it more than the first one. They said it's really, really good.

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3089.186

I also want to see The Wild Robot, which was nominated too. Drama television series, Shogun. So good. I think this is a deserved win by Shogun. Even though I know The Diplomat was up, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Slow Horses, I thought was great.

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309.827

We really have... taken big breaks from posting anything on social media, maybe a month sometimes. So then at the end of the year last year, we decided, okay, we got to get our shit together because every other human being knows how to do social media except for us. And every podcast is growing because they have social media that share, you know, that people discover them.

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3107.995

Yes. Slow Horses is a fantastic show on Apple TV. I imagine next year we'll see Severance season two.

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3120.382

Oh, we're talking about them on the show now, just to let you know. So, oh, Severance, the podcast, is on our Odyssey network. You can go to the, yeah, that's why we're talking about them on the show. I was like, what? You can go to the Odyssey app, download it for free, and hear the Severance podcast, which is a rewatch companion podcast with Ben Stiller and Adam Scott.

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3143.75

Okay, supporting actress in a motion picture, Zoe Saldana for Amelia Perez.

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3150.052

Actor in a musical or comedy was Sebastian Stan for A Different Man. I do want to see that.

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3156.154

The guy who gets elephantitis?

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3161.475

And then his life changes in a way he didn't want.

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3163.596

Yeah, okay. Can't wait to see that. Director of a motion picture goes to Brady Corbett for The Brutalist. Foreign language film, Amelia Perez. I mean, this one won a lot of awards. It did. Animated feature film was Flow, to which all of us who were in the room at the time watching this were like, what the fuck is Flow? It's a movie about a cat, I guess. I don't know.

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3183.246

But it was up against other films that we had seen that we thought were winning. Original score goes to El Mal. Supporting actor in a motion picture goes to Kieran Culkin for A Real Pain. Oh, yeah. Screenplay or motion picture goes to Conclave. Original score, which I thought this was good, Challengers, Trent Reznor, and Atticus Ross. Musical or TV comedy series was Hacks. I love that show, too.

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3209.544

That goes up against The Bear, Nobody Wants This, Only Murders in the Building, and The Gentleman. A lot of people debate whether or not The Bear is an actual comedy film. I see this every year now. The Golden Globes comes around. There's another conversation about whether The Bear is a comedy.

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3229.381

And what did you think?

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3233.465

Have you seen The Bear, Christina? You haven't watched it?

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3246.477

Yeah, they do that sometimes. I appreciate that TLC did not generally take off their shows for the holiday season, which a lot of networks will do because they feel, I don't get this either. It's like everyone's at home. Everyone wants to watch something besides a Christmas fucking movie. Play your brand new episodes during the holiday season. Everyone would love you.

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3266.289

Actress in a drama TV series was Anna Soai for Shogun, which I think was deserved. Stand-up comedy on television, Ali Wong won that, and I was really happy to see her do that. Of course, she was up against Nikki Glaser, Adam Sandler, Rami Yosef, Jamie Foxx, and Seth Meyers. Miniseries or TV film was Baby Reindeer. Yes.

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3291.83

What a controversy this baby reindeer has caused. There's now lawsuits flying around.

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330.433

So let's get in the game six years later. Let's get in the game. It's 2024. Facebook and MySpace has been around since 2004. Let's get in the game. So we... That's what we did. We got some video cameras and, you know, we hired an editing team and Christine is here with us in the studio. We did the studio. And...

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3312.37

Emailed 41,000 times. But now this woman has sued Netflix. Josh Glad. Josh Gad. Glad. Is his name? Whatever his name is. Yeah. She has sued everybody and their mother under the sun related to this show, saying that they used her story, her emails, her stuff to make this television show and portray her in a negative light. She sued them for like 250 million pounds or whatever it is.

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3341.772

And I got to say. I think she might have a case here because they really did take all of this stuff that she created, even though it was crazy emails, and created a show out of it. One might argue, even though she clearly has some mental issues, one might argue that she should reap some of the benefits of the success of this because it's not just his story.

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3365.564

It's her story, too, and she helped create it. I know it's a controversial stand to take, but I wonder if she's got a leg to stand on. And actually, the judge believes that there's a leg to stand on because he has allowed the lawsuit to move forward.

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3377.251

I'll keep you posted. Actress in a miniseries, Jodie Foster, well-deserved. True Detective, Night Country was very good. I think it was a return to form for True Detective. No one, no True Detective will ever beat the first True Detective. It's just not going to happen. That was such... It was a mind-bending television experience. I watched it in one night.

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3399.563

And I think I watched it with your login to HBO or something. I can't remember. Someone gave it to me. I watched the entire series of season one in one night from like 11. I was up when the sun came up. I was not drinking. I just was so excited to see that television show. And it was so good. The Penguin was also... Oh, that is so good.

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3421.247

I have not seen The Penguin.

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3423.148

The other miniseries up for miniseries of TV or film was True Detective, Night Country, which, again, I thought was really good. Monsters, the Lyle and Eric Menendez story, which I thought was really good. Ripley, which I tried to get into, but I just couldn't.

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3439.119

Yeah, I don't know why everyone, I mean, it's well acted, but I just don't know why everyone felt like it was so fascinating because I didn't. But that's just my opinion. And the penguin, I guess, which you say is really good. Actor in a, excuse me, actress in a musical or comedy series was Jean Smart for Hacks. And of course, Poppy is on Hacks.

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3462.274

Actor in a drama series, I'm going to mess up his name. Hiroyuki, Sandana, or Sanada for Shogun. Yeah, I'm going to mess that up. I'm sorry. I really apologize. Jake Gyllenhaal was also in there for Presumed Innocent. Presumed Innocent was fantastic. Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Donald Glover. Eddie Renmayne for The Day of the Jackal. Gary Oldman, Slow Horses. He's so good in that show.

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Billy Bob Thornton for Landman. Here's why I like Slow Horses. And I don't know if I've talked about this. I think maybe I've mentioned this show before in the past. But here's why I like Slow Horses. Slow Horses on what? Season four now? Or season three or four?

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3502.726

Okay. You get to know the characters, but it's not overly involved in every little bit of every character. So you feel like you know the characters, but the action keeps moving. Yeah, it's more about the story. There's usually six or seven episodes in each episode. It moves really quickly.

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352.415

We have this video editor now, and he goes through the episodes, and he'll cut up clips for us. And he's really good at this. He's really been really talented at what he does, making us seem funny in otherwise not funny situations. So he cut up this clip from our New Year's Eve episode where you asked me, what do the Venezuelans do for New Year's Eve?

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3523.312

It gets wrapped up relatively nicely with just a little cliffhanger so they can move to the next one to move to the next season. And it is so fantastically acted by everybody in that show. Gary Oldman was born to play this part, I think, as the slovenly director of this outfit.

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3541.183

Yeah, wicked smart. He's so good in that. So good in it. Actor in a miniseries or motion picture for television was Colin Farrell for The Penguin. Male actor in a supporting role. Oh, I'm going to mess this one up too. Another gentleman from Show Gut. I'm not even going to try. I don't want to offend anybody. Female actor in a supporting role in television was Jessica Gunning for Baby Reindeer.

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3563.809

Actor in a musical or comedy television series was Jeremy Allen White for The Bear. And I believe that's his third time winning that? Second, third time winning that?

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3573.951

He didn't show up.

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3584.403

Yeah, so here's like a little bit of... He is on set.

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3594.394

Well, listen. Fine. One would argue that some of these award shows are a big jack-off, right? Some people would argue that, and there's lots of actors and actresses who have argued that over the years and not shown up to award shows and said there's so much other shit in the world that's important. Why are we all patting ourselves on the back? We get to do the best thing in the world.

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3612.31

We get paid lots of money. Why are we all jacking each other off? I get that argument. I also get that it's nice to be recognized for the things that you do. The Golden Globes, to me, seems to be the funnest of all of them because everyone's sitting around getting schmaltzy. It absolutely does.

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3633.755

And I like that part of it. It's usually much more loosey-goosey than any of the other awards shows. And when most award shows drag on forever and ever and it gets a little bit boring, the Golden Globes seems to, at least most years, keep things popping along very nicely. This year there was a lot of celebrities, not a lot of controversy, and I thought it was a fine show. It was fine.

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3654.849

It's not one that I think I'll particularly remember, but it was.

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3658.211

good enough to sit around and watch and go oh okay we all watched it you know the three of us watched it for a little while and i thought that uh i thought that it was interesting but i don't think it's like a i don't think you should take a anybody should be offended if you don't show up i mean if you don't show up you don't show up hey i just didn't have time there was also this clip going around of that one of the directors i think the director maybe of the brutalist

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3681.833

As soon as the other director was announced that he won for Amelia Perez or whatever, he got up and he walked out. One of the other directors that was nominated. Got up with his date, walked out, shook hands with some people and left. Somebody posted a video of social media. Excuse me. Somebody posted a video on social media of him doing that and saying, yeah, that's it.

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3703.209

You know, you can't even take it. Whatever. It was some kind of snide comment. First of all, I didn't know they allowed people to videotape, like use their phone to do that. videos inside of the Golden Globes. This guy was obviously in the back of the room taping him, which I thought was kind of rude. First of all.

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3718.08

Second of all, other people in the comments section, people who had been in the entertainment industry or had been to these award shows, had mentioned, you don't understand how difficult it is to sit through... Four or five hours of this, the commercial breaks, the constant productions, you know, people running around for the production, the resetting of the stage and all this.

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Do they have a ball drop? And I said, no. Struggling for something to say, I said, no, they have democracy drop, like no democracy for you. This was then cut up in a certain way by our editor. And then we put it out there on New Year's Eve, just as the episode was releasing. And it went fucking bananas in the Venezuelan community. Hundreds of thousands of likes, tens of thousands of shares.

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He's like, it's actually quite boring when you're at these award shows. And sometimes they don't let you leave your seat, even if you have to use the restroom because the camera angles might catch it. And I thought to myself, that's a good point. Like, just because there is an award show doesn't mean you necessarily have to show up. And number one.

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And number two, does that mean you have to stay there, Dean?

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entire time like the guy did his duty he stayed there so they could get a shot of him while he was being announced as one of the nominees and then he didn't win and so I don't think he was being ungracious I mean I don't know but I think he was probably just saying to himself like I gotta go home I've been here long enough I gotta go home

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He might have had hemorrhoids and sitting for a long time caused his ass to hurt. Right. Maybe he hadn't gotten his 21 EPMs in this month and he needed to go. Maybe the Viagra was kicking in and he needed to knock it out. Chrissy, we never know. Maybe he's working on his next cinematic masterpiece, Naked Attraction, the movie. You never know.

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Viagra.

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Okay. I got to tell you this. I'm going to pull the curtain back a little bit. And I'm not going to talk about me using Viagra in case you're wondering. Russell Howard is a guest that's coming on the show. Very famous British comedian. And I saw a reel of his earlier today where he was talking about getting offered Viagra in Amsterdam. Like some guy was on the corner yelling Viagra.

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Cocaine, get your cocaine here, cocaine. And when him and his friends walked by, he switched to, you need any Viagra? And he said Viagra, and it got stuck in my head. You know, sometimes you can pick up an accent if you stick around people too long. I think I picked up Viagra from Russell Howard. We'll talk to him about it in a couple of days.

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Yeah, you'll hear about it. Okay, listen, that's all I can do for right now. We're just getting back into the swing of things. Give us one or two to get back on our feet. Yeah, okay, there you go.

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Oh, well, you know, let's tee up a naked attraction and watch that.

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You want to watch some labias? Let's look at some labias.

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What's that?

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Who knew? Do you remember Adrian Brody? Not Adrian Brody. Um... Do you remember there was a girl who got married to one of the people in the Brady Bunch? She was on that reality television show and she married Peter Brady. She was like a model from Next Top Model. Adrian somebody. Okay.

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I just read, and anyway, they're still married. They got married off of a reality television show, and I thought clearly they did it for publicity. 15 years later, still married, still in love. It was true love. Peter Brady and this beautiful model that's 20 years his junior. I just read this incredibly intense story about how she got her breast implants removed.

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And I just mentioned this because I was thinking about the substance, about how many horror stories...

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are online right now about plastic surgery in general it's crazy lots of people not not there seems like most people have some kind of nightmare story after they get uh augmentation done well are you really going to go on there and say look how great everything went uh maybe maybe yeah i think a lot of the things that go wrong you would definitely be vocal about yeah that's true

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Oh, we know some people have had nightmare stories, too. So there you go. But I say that because I don't think I'm going to get my dick implant. I think I've decided the dick implant is off the table. Yeah. Like I said, just stare in my eyes, Astrid. We'll get through it together. All right. TCB podcast dot com. That's where you find more information about the show.

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Comments. Venezuelans are fighting with each other in the comments section of this particular reel. And it really surprised us. And here's why it surprised us. We have never had more than a thousand views on any one of our reels. And to get hundreds of thousands of them in a short period of time was quite surprising. And it caused a lot of excitement around the house because Gustavo is here.

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All the audio, all the video right there from one location. Also, TCB swag now available. Contact us button on the website. Give us your physical address and we'll send you something. Add The Commercial Break on the ever-growing Instagram. TCB Podcast on TikTok now that Dennis O'Leary, excuse me, that O'Leary guy is going to buy it.

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YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break for every episode now on video. Check out the new studio. Subscribe. Follow us, please. All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for right now.

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I'll tell you that I love you. And I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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His fiancée Ale is here. And Astrid, of course, is Venezuelan. So the most... Common comment, I think, has been, what is this? If it's a negative comment, has been, what does this guy know about Venezuelans? Like, fuck that guy. He doesn't know anything about Venezuelans. Yes, I do. I have lived with them for half of my life. My best friend is Venezuelan.

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Listen, my family disowned me a long time ago. I'm not exactly the best person in the world. I'm kind of a miserable sack.

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I had to find another country. I had to find a country that's used to kicking people out to let back in. Well, everyone's trying to leave Venezuela.

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They're saying, that guy. Bring that guy in. My best friend's Venezuelan, so I've known him for almost 30 years, you know, that Rafael and their family kind of took me under the wing. So I have known Venezuelans and been around the Venezuelan culture for a long time.

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I'm not Venezuelan and I don't claim to be Venezuelan, but I do know a thing or two about the culture because I've been mainly drunk at a lot of Venezuelan parties. When I'm drunk, I observe and that's how it happened. Now I'm married to a Venezuelan. I have children who are at least partially have Venezuelan DNA in them. So I do know a thing or two about Venezuela.

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Show Us Your Globes!

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But yeah, I can understand why people might take the democracy drop thing. Like there's not a lot of negative comments, but the comments were, you know, fuck that guy about the democracy drop thing. Listen, it's just, you know, I think Venezuelans by and large have a great sense of humor about this whole thing.

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Here's the crazy thing, Chrissy. Of all the things that we have said on this show, I mean, of all the things that we have said, it's this that gets the most attention. Democracy drop. A not particularly funny throwaway line that Brian made. You never know what's going to hit.

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Yeah, honestly, things are bad. That's the other thing. And I will respond like we start. I started to respond. Astrid and I and other people started responding to some of these comments because we were like, OK, now it's got some traction. You have to like engage the people. And we wanted to talk to some of these people after like the 500th, you know, 1500th comment.

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And we were like, OK, we can't do this anymore. We can't respond to everybody. But honestly, a lot of people were like, what do you know? In America, democracy is about to drop, too. You know what? I get it. Like, I totally understand where you're coming from. And that comment, I agree with. We're already headed in a great direction for 2025. Do you know what? So anyway, so I am...

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feeling very uh grateful for anybody that's new listening to the show uh i do love the venezuelan culture i do love venezuela in general and i'm hoping you get your democracy back just as soon as possible so that i can go down there and visit i feel like it's a home away from home yeah i want to go down there i want to see what all the fuss is all about country that's what i've been told but can't visit and maybe now i can never visit

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Oh, definitely on a list. That became a little bit of a panic at one point. Like, holy shit. Are Chavistas going to see this? And are they going to put us on a list? Because people have been thrown in jail for much less down there. And people have been not allowed back in the country. Remember we had Joanna Hausman on the show? Yes.

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Joanna Hausman is a semi-famous, famous, I guess, Venezuelan comedian, writer, actress. And she was on our show early in 2024. And we had a blast with her. And that's one of our other, like, one of our other reels that got some traction was with Joanna Hausman. The Venezuelans love our reels. Maybe we should just do a show about Venezuela. I mean, honestly.

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Gustavo will come in here. Gustavo will be in before he leaves. So Joanna Hausman explained to us that she is actually would never step foot back in Venezuela right now under the current administration, under the Maduro administration, because her father was a famous, I think, journalist. Mm hmm. who had said some things that were not so favorable toward the Maduro government.

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And now she has been thrown into kind of a bucket because of the things that she has said on her own social media about this, that she feels really stressed out about the thought of going back to Venezuela because she's concerned they would throw her in jail right away. So I think I just fucked myself as far as going to Venezuela is any time soon.

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And hey, I got thousands of likes, so that's all I give a shit about. It filled my empty cup. It filled my heart for one second. And then I realized that likes don't get you anything. They don't get you anywhere. Still not monetizing that Instagram. So go to Instagram and follow us at The Commercial Break. Speaking of empty vessels, did you hear that? And I just wanted to talk about this.

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On this episode of the Commercial Break.

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Did you hear that Netflix has now, I mean, this happened a long time ago, but it started last night as we're recording this. Raw, WWE Raw is now exclusively on Netflix. Did you hear this? On Netflix and the WWE Network. The Monday Night Raw show that was on, I think, USA Network for a long time.

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Show Us Your Globes!

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I think I would show my naked body if it was for a good reason.

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Yes. Well, I mean, I think Monday Night Raw has been on for a very long time.

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I don't know. I'm not into the WWE. Me neither. I can't claim to know a fucking thing about it. I was certainly a Hulkamaniac back in the day. But when you're eight years old and guys in tights are throwing themselves around the ring all oiled up going, Oh, what are you going to do when the Hulkamaniac comes down on you?

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759.545

Yeah. Everybody, every young man, I think, and maybe some young women wanted to be a professional wrestler back in the 80s when it was kind of cartoonish and everybody loved it. That is my landscapers showing up right on time as we need desperately.

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You can't. It's crazy. These guys, and this is the new landscaping company that agreed not to do this between so and so and so and so here at the house. And what they're going to do pretty soon is they are going to blow this window off for the next seven minutes. And we're going to be unable to record anything. Welcome to the new season. Welcome to the new season of the commercial break.

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Just like, welcome to the new old, new old shit. We've got to get a studio, like an actual studio, outside of this shack I call my house. I mean, honestly, it's crazy.

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I knew that question was coming and I can't think of one. Like charity, PETA or something like that, right? But no one's asking for my naked body. No one. No one's going, I'd really like to see Brian naked.

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814.465

17 degrees. There is not a, if there are any leaves on the ground, they're frozen to the grass. They're not doing anything. The grass ain't growing. What the fuck? What are you doing? You're mowing the ice? I mean, come on. What's going on out there? Well, we'll suffer through it as we always do. Why? Because we busted our nut on the 12 days of TCB and have no more episodes to share with you.

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We're contractually obligated to put out an episode tomorrow and we will do so. Monday Night Raw now on Netflix. Quite the big deal. Three-hour show last night. Three-hour live show. Apparently went off without a hitch.

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Yeah, they had to have. I mean, honestly. I think it was because I said something, quite frankly. I mean, I like to think it was because I said something.

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I put a reel out that got 76 views.

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Yes, Ted Sarandos finally got his shit together and decided we better fix this. Technical. But, you know, I don't know that as many people. Actually, WWE is so wildly popular. I mean, wildly popular.

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932.529

And I think it's seeing probably like every dog's ass gets a little sunshine. And I think right now it's probably seeing this incredible popularity because the mood, the tone and the texture of the country is right there with it. Right. Aggressive, aggressive, very male focused. You know, the us guys, our balls are just a little bit bigger than they used to be. I need more testosterone.

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It's me, Ted Sarandos. Put more testosterone in our streams. And I don't say that, you know, listen, I'm making a joke, but it really is sometimes the moment meets the man, so to speak, or the man meets the moment. And that's where the WWE is right now. It's really seeing its day in the sun, except for Vince McMahon, who no longer can step Actually, you know what?

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The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.

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I think he's now the CEO of the company again, isn't he?

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How he was terrible? Yes. And this is the crazy part. This is what I wanted to point out. Well, first of all, celebrities of all kinds showed up to this WWE Netflix debut. Hulk Hogan showed up to the WWE Netflix debut. Hulk Hogan got booed. At the WWE Netflix debut. Yes, because he turned his appearance. First of all, he's 70 something years old. He's listen. I don't want to be in quite.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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Sorry, something just exploded in the studio. When you set these lofty expectations for consumerism, what do you expect your kid to react like? If you think you're going to die if you don't have it, your kid's going to take his cues from you. I just thought to myself, let the poor kid be a kid. He doesn't need to worry about which, you know, What do they call it?

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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I keep on wanting to call it Twitch. About which Switch they have. It doesn't matter. It's okay. Another example. Back to Le Boo Boo. There's a family on Instagram. This family is like famous on Instagram. The father has been buying the mother a brand new box of Le Boo Boos. So six of them. Every day for 21 days until she gets a super rare labubu. Yes.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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And so they do a whole video every day of her opening up six of these, trying to get the super rare one. And the disappointment in this 30-year-old woman's eyes and the children that are sitting at the table with her going, oh, mommy didn't get it. What are we going to do? And the craziness around it. You're turning your children into little, like, consumer monsters. Yeah. Here's what I say.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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That's about it. Welcome to Brian's world.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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If my kids come and ask me for something, I say no. And that's it. That's all I do. I just say no. Because if I say no, then the one time I say yes, I am a fucking hero. It'll be special. That's right. And that is how my dad taught me. And that's how my children will teach their children. And the mental abuse will go on and on for a lifetime.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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Yes, for generations, we'll be feeding therapists and their families. And that, my friends, is how you do it. All right. So lots more to talk about. Oh, and I wanted to say, I forgot. This started the episode and I forgot to finish it. Lots of great feedback about Sean and his weird job. And they want to know more about.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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I did.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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It's a weird job to be wading through the swamp and be face-to-face with alligators and possums and all that.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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You got to have a certain chutzpah to do that.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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Yeah, I know. And I don't know Sean all that well, but it seems like Sean's got just the right amount of crazy to be in there in the swamp doing that. And if I had an alligator in my front yard, I'd call Sean.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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Let's take a break.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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I would. And he calls us a lot. So we'll get him back here. Don't worry about it. Okay. Yeah. Take a break. We'll be back.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

127.297

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. A lot of interesting feedback about Sean. Yes, our buddy. Or South Georgia Sean, or Shut Up Sean, as I like to call him, who was... who was here with us earlier this week. We did not have a TCB infomercial Tuesday.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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Okay, here talking about the global phenomenon that is La Boo Boo, as Chrissy and I have named it. La Boo Boo is the official term for it, but La Boo Boo sounds a lot better, actually, as far as I'm concerned. Okay, there is a guy on YouTube that I have seen on occasion explain some things about toys. I'll give his YouTube channel a shout out. You want to know more about La Boo Boo?

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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Of course I do. Let's hear more about Labubu from A.R. Toys or Art Toys. A.R. Toys TV is where you can find him on YouTube. I'll also put a link in the show notes in case you want to go watch this video. Let's see what he has to say.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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We toned down the music just a little bit. But otherwise, I'm digging the vibe here. So let's see what he has to say.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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Those sharp-eared listeners will have realized that there was no one there, and that's just because of the way that the schedule goes, taking vacation time and stuff like that. No emergency. Don't worry. We'll have some boring celebrity guest interviews coming back up soon. Brian will talk all over the guests. It's coming up real soon. And six or seven of them.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

1448.435

So Pop Mart, I think I've seen a Pop Mart maybe in Barcelona or Madrid or something like that, one of those European towns that I went to. I saw a Pop Mart. I don't think they have one here in Atlanta. I don't think so. I don't think so. But wow. Wow. Why could I have not had this idea when I had my Dick Tracy collections?

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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I could have kicked off and I could have been a billionaire and selling those damn figurines from Happy Meal Toys. I knew it. I knew it. How did Wang Ming figure it out before I did?

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

1491.37

Yeah, they come in like statue size. That's intense. You got to be a Le Babou. You got to be really into Le Babou to get one of those. Those probably cost thousands of dollars.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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Ah, the blind boxes. That's how you get that every time?

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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By the way, and they are a sponsor of the show. This is not a commercial. But 5-Hour Energy does this to me. They send me blind boxes too. They send you blind boxes? Okay.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

1546.088

Yeah, but a Kinder Surprise is a two-cent fucking plastic toy that's going to go straight in your child's throat.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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The pack of cards, rip it open, you have no idea what you're going to get. Yeah, interesting. What the? What if we did this with the commercial break? What if we literally put no information on the RSS feed about what's coming up on the episode, and then you just had to listen to figure out what was going to go on?

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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A blind episode. I've got an idea brewing, Chrissy.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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I've got an idea brewing that may or may not include you working 30 hours in a row. Scene one.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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Gambling. Gambling. Look at that Chinese government taking some positive steps for humanity.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

163.076

You'll get one line in. Hey. I'll talk over the guests. I'll tell them their own jokes. It'll be a whole fun time for everybody. Don't worry. You'll get more embarrassing content on behalf of Brian later. Rory Scoville, who was just the sweetest man alive, he said to me after the interview, he goes, I really like your interviewing style.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

1636.869

I said Japan and I was wrong. It's Hong Kong, which is a controversy in and of itself, but supposedly not part of the Chinese larger diaspora. But I think, yeah, they're trying... Long time. Long time. Story series, The Monsters, which is inspired by Nordic. Just saying that word, Hong Kong may get this episode banned in China, by the way. Yeah. Mythology.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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Which I don't even know if we can be in China anyway. Are we in China? I think we are in China. I think we have people listening in China.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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It's a dental... It's getting its teeth cleaned. It's getting braces put on. And the other one has makeup, and this one's wearing nighttime cream. Something, yeah. Oh, my God.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

1738.592

Uh-huh, yeah. It's a little bit... It is... The elves are known to be a little bit mischievous, a little bit kooky. They sneak under your bed.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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They bite your toes. They lick your fingers at night. They take their nine serrated teeth and chew your child's neck.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

1760.38

Yeah, they play little tricks like, you know, taking your money out of your wallet, running up your American Express. I say all this. I laugh about it. But there are people that are, you know, millionaires because they have the boo-boos in a safe somewhere. And I don't. Yeah. Be crazy to forget to mention. Here's the problem. By the time we hear about it, the fat is already on its way out.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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Do you know what I'm saying? Next year, the boo-boos are going to be worth anything. And then 30 years from now, when you and I are at the villages, the boo-boos are going to be millions of dollars again.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

1807.926

Oh, La Lisa.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

1811.548

Yeah, for sure. That's gold. I saw her sing a song called La Lisa. She's like, I think she has a song about her own name. It was interesting. People love that girl. People love that girl.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

1822.014

K-pop is huge. A lot of people are just getting turned on to this culture. The Chinese, Japanese, you know, the liar... Look, I say this word twice in one episode, and this makes me fancy. Diaspora of... Asia. And I personally have been fascinated by it since I was a little kid. My dad used to travel there and he would bring back trinkets from Japan, from China.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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And I always found it to be, I don't know, there's something very mysterious and old and Cool about it.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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on a fucking purse and then spend another $3,000 to get a super rare Le Boo Boo to put on it. Very interesting. You're walking around with $10,000 worth of shit on your... I mean, I guess if you can afford it, sure, why not? Well, I can't. Even appearing... My kids are going to start asking for this watch.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

190.792

You're very engaged in the conversation, which is his polite way of saying, you talked all over me. He's in a new project with Will Ferrell. They're going to star in a new comedy series on HBO, I think, on Max, I think it is. So they just made that announcement. Oh, how fun. I commented on the post that Rory made.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

1920.177

There's the key that Pop Mart has. They make this into a lifestyle. It's not just about having this toy, which is why I think my Dick Tracy collection never took off, may never take off. It's because Dick Tracy is not a lifestyle. It's a movie where some people saw it and liked it and most people did not. That's also probably part of the reason why there's no value in Dick Tracy collection. But...

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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It's a lifestyle. It's a lifestyle brand. If you're in on this type of art toy, then you are all about it and you live it and you dress it and you listen to it.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

1957.368

That's right.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

1959.769

I think we should pitch Taylor Swift a line of toys based on piggy fronting. The you should see this design word like making merch and you should see this design that this T-shirt company sent us for piggy. I would never print it. It's terrible, but it is really fucking funny. It's a pig with all this crazy hair and a big snout and big eyelashes.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

1990.091

I could see how a pig with Teresa Caputo hair could be just as cute as a lababoo. I mean, let's be honest about it. And then we get Taylor Swift to wrap it around her waist when she's singing and dancing up there. It will be the next global phenomenon.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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No, no.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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If you're going to make something valuable, you make less of it, right? So if it's kind of caught the cultural zeitgeist, you make less of it so that people go crazy over it and they have to have the one or, you know, if there's 100 people and there's only two, then 100 people go crazy for it. They're willing to pay. But the problem is, is they do that on the black market, not at the store.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2047.577

So you know that probably. pop mart has some secondary market like i always wondered tickets like the tickets exactly exactly like stub hub i won i've wondered how this dude gets a box of brand new labubus every day for his wife how does that happen labubu that's how that happens they're in highly sought after

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2083.459

That scarcity combined with the blind box concept creates this sense of... One of those things he was showing pictures of eBay, one of those things was going for $10,000. That's insane. Yeah, that's too much.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

212.99

I said, it's really nice to know that the bigwigs in Hollywood are letting the small guys like William Farrell get a chance. To act along the greats like Rory Scoville. Will Ferrell, of course. Very, very famous. I love Will Ferrell. I'm sorry. Adam Sandler, not my favorite. Will Ferrell, one of my favorites. Oh, me too, for sure.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2138.689

With new series, collaborations, and possibly more limited editions, the hype around... Okay, so what they just showed is that at the Disney D23, which is the semi-annual conference that... Or the once-every-other-year conference that Disney puts on to announce all of their new rides, all of their new shows, all of the... It's like the big, you know...

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2161.102

Yes, exactly. Think of like Steve Jobs getting up there and doing that big presentation that he did every year that people went crazy about. D23 is very similar, happens in Anaheim, California. And I do remember this now is that they announced a collaboration with Pop Mart and La Boo Boo. They're going to do some kind of, I don't know, television show, toy series.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2179.516

You're going to see a Mickey La Boo Boo pretty soon. And then that's really when it's jumped the shark. Then it's all over. You can buy it at Disney World. People are going to go fucking bananas. It's going to take over the world.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2198.709

You know, they said the same thing about Beanie Babies at some point, too. It doesn't look like it's slowing down. Beanie Babies will never go down in price. Never. Remember that guy who was yelling and screaming about Beanie Babies? Oh, yeah. We reviewed that guy. Oh, God. He was my favorite. He was my favorite. All right. So there you go. There's a little bit about Le Boo Boo.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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Art Toys doing a great job breaking it down for everybody. Obviously, he's got his finger on the pulse of what's going on, as well as having a number of very rare Le Boo Boos sitting just right behind him. So he himself.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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I can think of one million other things, too, and I can see a thousand of them right here in the studio. That wire, that wire, that TV, those cameras. But, you know, to each their own. They are undeniably cute. That is what you do have to say about the Labubus. They are undeniably little, cute, fanged-toothed monsters. All right. We'll move on from here when we get back.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2315.74

I remember when I was a kid, I collected, for a very short period of time, collected baseball cards. And so when I collected the baseball cards, I really had no idea what I was doing, but we all had the Dunrus... And maybe if you didn't collect baseball cards at this time, you may not know what this is, but the Dunrus Price Guide, which Dunrus was a brand of baseball cards.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2340.033

And then they would put out a pricing guide every month to let you know exactly how much these cards were trading for, how much they were worth. And so we get really excited that you collect your baseball cards and then you match it up with the Dunrus and see what it got. And I think I had like a Roger Wade baseball card one time that was worth like $115, right?

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2355.919

It was a rare card, rarer card, whatever it was. And I took care of that card so well that I bent all the edges and spilled stuff all over it. I mean, it was like trashed by the time it was done. I have always been really bad at this collectible stuff. The only things I have ever taken care of are these stupid fucking Pearl Jam posters that I have in my thing.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2380.317

So I... And here's another example of how terribly I've taken care of my collectibles. So I buy these somewhat... Rare and wanted posters for Pearl Jam where I've collected them along the way. I've gotten them at the show or whatever. Thank you. Yeah, Astrid framed them. Lovely. Framed them in mint condition and all that.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2403.508

So three years ago, two years ago, as has been the case since the day that we started this commercial break, we are in need of some money. And so I said, fuck it. I'm not going to be prideful here. I'm going to sell the Pearl Jam posters. So one of these posters that I had bought for, let's call it $150. I don't remember exactly how much I paid, but it was in the $150 range.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2427.244

I put it on this Pearl Jam poster collectible Facebook site that everyone trades stuff on. And because it's rare... We do what's called popcorn bidding, which means that I start the bidding off at, say, $150, what I paid for it. And then I set a date and a time. I say tomorrow night at midnight, whoever has the last bid wins. That's it. That's it.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2453.885

Whoever has the highest last bid, highest and final, whatever, best and final. So I set a date for like two days ahead of time. I set the price at $150 and then I kind of leave it. I go back and I check 12, 15 hours later. Someone said 200. It's gotten up to $215. Nice. And I go, okay, all right.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2473.844

And in the description, I put that shipping and handling will be added on to the price because it's framed in mint condition. So I know it's going to cost some money to get it there.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2489.122

So 24 hours later, we're getting closer to the time when we're about to tick out. I put, you know, whatever it is, noon. And now it's at $350, $360, $375, $410. Whoa. All right. I made $250 off the thing and I'd had it only for like four years. Whatever. It's not a la boo boo, but it's, you know, it is what it is. So it is what it is. I mean, it is what it is.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2523.035

So in my infinite wisdom, I go on a FedEx. The lady tells me she's out in Habibab, California. And could I please make sure that it's packaged appropriately so that it gets here in one piece? And I said, of course, I'll make sure I do it. And I go on the FedEx calculator. She says, well, how much is it going to cost? And I said, well, let me go on the FedEx calculator. And I calculate.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2544.143

I measure it. I calculate it. I know I have some. Weight it. I weight it. I know I have some bubble wrap somewhere. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. $182 it's going to cost to get there.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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Because it's big. It's bulky.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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And it's got to be handled with care. And this is just getting it there, like driving it there, not like flying it overnight or anything like that. It's going to take four days or whatever. Okay. So I tell her. And I add $15 onto there just in case I have to go buy any tape or a box or whatever. Packing supplies, yeah. And so it ends up being all told in. It's like $600, right? Okay, $600.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2580.377

She sends me the money. I go and I say, okay, I'm going to get it done. I'll get it done for you tomorrow. I go to the FedEx place, to the FedEx store. To the FedEx monies. To the FedEx monies, to the FedEx men's. I go to the FedEx men's. I go to the FedEx men's. And the guy goes, okay, where do you want to send it? Tell him, okay, I want to package it. Here's what I need to do.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2604.376

And he says, okay, if you want to get it there overnight, it's going to be $912. And I'm like, no, no, no, not overnight. I already did this on the calculator at home. I just want to get it there in five, three days, four days, whatever it is.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2620.566

And I said, $452? And he goes, it's $452. And I go, why is it $452? And he goes, well, because the package is this inches by this inches and that inches. And I go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I measured it. It's 12 by 18, not 30 by 40 or whatever you're saying. He goes, yeah, it's 12 by 18, but there's a box. Right. And we got to pack it up and we got to do this. And I go, what?

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

263.521

I mean, no offense against Adam, because in Adam's late career, he has made some excellent dramedy movies. He really has. Like comedy drama. What was it? Gemstones? Was it Gemstones? Diamonds? Yeah, it was about the diamond industry. Yeah, the diamond industry. That was a fucking fantastic movie.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2650.362

I thought it asked me how big the package was. And he said, the package, not the product. Yeah, yeah. He goes, dude, you got to account for every inch is another dollar. He goes, that's the way shipping works. What do you want me to do? The guy was like, I'm arguing with the guy. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. And I go, well, can't we just wrap it in bubble tape and send it off? And he goes, sure.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2670.831

You want it to get there in one piece? He goes, do you think? And when this gets over to Homer, Alabama, and they're throwing it from one truck to the other, you think they're going to take care of it? He goes, listen, we'll do our best. But there's no promises if you don't put packaging on this. None whatsoever. It's got to be wrapped in something. I'll wrap it myself.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2692.096

So Astrid and I are here for a half a fucking day trying to find the, but here's the problem. When we wrap it in the bubble wrap and put the tape on it and do the edges and the corners and all that, now we need a box that's 16 inches bigger than the actual thing. Right. Because now it's big and bulky.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2709.805

So, and I'm trying to like talk to the lady. I'm like, listen, little mistake. And she's like, that's not how it works. You told me this. And to be fair to her, it's true. If I would not have been a dum-dum and in such a hurry to get her cash into my Zelle, then I would have gone to the store first. And here was the problem. Half the money was already spent.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2731.954

So it wasn't like I could send it back to her. I had to now send it to her. So my $250 profit turned into a $112 loss. Pearl Jam Collectibles.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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That's about it. Welcome to Brian's world.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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I'll tell you another story. I mean, this is – I had tickets. I'm not going to say what tickets I had. I had tickets to a show. The one we were talking about? The one we were talking about. I have tickets to a show. I go on to the verified marketplace to resell them through the verified marketplace so that I'm not, you know, handing these scuzz nuts.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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Great, wonderful, fine, and dandy. They sell like that.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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And it's like I'm making $100 profit on it, right? Not a ton of money, but $50 a ticket. Yeah, whatever. Okay. I'm just trying to get rid of them. I'm glad somebody's going to use them, going to want them, whatever. I get excited about this because these tickets were expensive, and now we're getting the money back. I get excited about this. Congratulations. Your tickets have sold.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2802.144

Send them to this. Do that. Now your transaction is complete. We verified that your sale is. You'll get your money five to seven business days after the show. And I'm like, what? That wasn't in the small print or the big print. That's fucked up. What are you talking about? We have to verify that the person can get in the door before unbelievable.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2826.24

So Brian doesn't have much luck with collectibles or tickets or anything else in life, quite frankly. Real quick, I asked Chatty to give me a few other collectibles that are hot in the zeitgeist right now, and do you want to hear a few? Well, trading cards, they've always been hot.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

284.289

Surprising that Adam pulled that out. And then he had that other one, the weird one that he did about the, I don't know, something or other. He's done some. Oh, and the one about when he's dying with Seth Rogen, that movie where he's like a comedian, he's dying and he lets Seth Rogen in on his world. And that's also a great and touching movie. So Adam's got the chops. No doubt about it.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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That's right. We used to have a friend... who was, like, a big baseball card collector, smelly guy.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2853.593

He used to trade, like, Horace Wagner cards for, you know, $50,000. Wow. He was in the business, like, big time. He was actually trading them. And a little bit before its time, too, he was doing this, and I think he was making, like, a living trading those kind of cards. But right now, the Formula One cards...

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2871.838

The Premier League, the English Premier League, and Fanatics have all... Fanatics acquired tops, so they've all started to raise in value. People are going crazy over them. As far as the toys are concerned, the Labubu, as we mentioned, and the Jellycat plush toys, the limited edition Jellycat plushies have become highly sought after, with some fetching over 2,000 pounds per... on resale platform.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2897.195

That's insane.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2900.496

You do? I'll get you one. You want a jellycat plush toy? Sure. Okay. Lego sets remain a strong investment. The Lego 71049 F1 collectible race car series released in 2025 has garnered much attention from enthusiasts reselling at very high values. What about Hot Wheels?

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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Yes.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2923.364

Yeah, that's true. I had a shitload of those, too. Those are in the trash. Models like the 1970 Ford Escort RS 1600 and the 89 Mazda Savannah are particularly... You guys are paying money for a Mazda... 89 Mazda... For a Mazda Savannah? Really? Really? I see people starting to drive those old Mazda Miatas around now, too, like refurbished Mazda Miatas. Those things are really fast.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2954.81

If you rub them along the carpet enough, they go super fast. Those things are so silly. Lennox Spice Village. Originally released in 1989, these collectible spice holders have made a comeback in 2024 due to viral interest. What? Spice holders. A spice rack? You're just crazy if you're collecting spice racks, honestly. Hallmark mini ornaments. The collectible features craftily designed.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

2985.066

They appeal to new and seasoned investors. Here's some high value sales that have happened recently. Babe Ruth's 1932 World Series jersey sold for $24.12 million, setting a record for sports memorabilia. And of course, we all heard about Judy Garland's ruby red slippers worn in the Wizard of Oz.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

3011.283

Stolen, found, replaced, given back to whoever owned them in the first place. Was it Judy's family or something like that? The estate. $30 million for those ruby red slippers. I mean, listen. Judy is a gay icon. A gay icon. And for good reason. That girl had some talent. And The Wizard of Oz is a fantastic movie.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

3036.72

And I can imagine that someone really wanted to get their hands on those ruby red slippers. Yeah, they are iconic. And, you know, I am not that into Wizard of Oz, so I don't know that I would pay $30 million. But $25 million. I'd pay $25 million. If I had $25 million. Yeah. If I ever have $25 million.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

3056.952

That's true. I mean, that's true. I've paid a lot of money for this studio, and most people would have paid half because they would have known how to put it together. All right, there you go. Now you're all up to speed on what the kids are doing.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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I just never was a fan of like the goofy, silly, you know.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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And the Beanie Babies are back. That's all I got to say. Beanie Babies are back. They are back in fashion. They are back in style. They are being traded at high value. So if you kept your Beanie Babies, you're back in the game, baby.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

3094.536

That's right. Touch them all. Yeah, pull them out of the... People who still have that backseat thing. Whatever. Yeah, that's it. You remember we saw a documentary about a guy who lost his entire family's fortune and all this other stuff, buying... hundreds of thousands of Beanie Babies, opening a store, trading them on the black market, doing like drug deals in the back, selling Beanie Babies.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

310.63

water boy type shit like Happy Gilmore was never my thing however old school like old school Will Ferrell fucking forget about it that was I was all over that I really wanted I really wanted more of that kind of comedy so we'll see what comes of this Will Ferrell Roy Scoville collaboration I'm excited to see. I'm excited to see, too, because I do think Rory is also a very talented comedic actor.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

3125.241

This guy was insane. And he had lost his family, divorced, the kids won't talk to him, over Beanie Babies. And this documentary was made like 10 years ago. I bet that guy's laughing all the way to the bank right now. He's like, I did it! I did it! I did it! Everything old is new again. Just remember that.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

3145.683

If you're on the younger side, if you're like, you know, 30 and younger, everything old is new again. What you're wearing, what you're doing, what you're listening to right now will be popular for a minute. It will not be popular pretty soon. And then it will become popular again down the road. Because nostalgia is something, is a disease that affects all of us. Eventually. 212-433-3TCB.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

3172.61

212-433-3TCB. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. You want to be the next mediocre podcaster? Let us know. We'd love to have you as a part of our contest starting sometime after the 12 hours of TCB. Speaking of 12 hours of TCB, May 31st, starting at 10 a.m., 12 fresh episodes of The Commercial Break coming at you. Celebrity guests, all kind of shit.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

3193.957

Celebrating five years of The Commercial Break mental health awareness. Have the commercial break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and YouTube.com slash thecommercialbreak for all the videos the same day they air here on the audio, and TCBpodcast.com for your free TCB swag. Go to the Contact Us button. Okay, Chrissy, I think that's all I can do for now. I think so.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

3217.578

But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. I'll say best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye. Goodbye.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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Most people will know him from that workout show that he was in, which was great. What's that workout show that he was in, Stretched?

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

346.3

Physical. Yeah, he was in Physical. I like that show. Yeah, which was like another dramedy role, drama with a little bit of comedy. But he really shined in that Those Who Can't, which is a television show that you can't find.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

359.149

Unbelievably, you can't find Those Who Can't because it's stuck in this kind of rights management world where no one seems to want to buy it or put it on their platform, which is a fucking shame because it's one of the great comedies of the 2010s. No doubt about it. No doubt about it.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

376.9

so let's talk a little bit more about holly weird as the republicans like to call it holly we and i agree well hollywood's a weird place it is and it's very transactional it's very transparent superficial yeah you're you're the it for the moment then you fall and then maybe you get back up and people love a comeback story but maybe they don't they want to knock you down again i mean it's a very weird world to live in um i think it's improved i think in general like the

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

406.378

The nature of Hollywood has improved from the 80s and 90s into the 2000s. It's a little less transactional. But I don't know that because I'm not in Hollywood. Having a podcast north of Atlanta with five listeners does not make me any part of Hollywood. It's because I talk to someone on a television.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

422.794

Someone made the comment, you know, oh, they think they're big in their britches because they talk to celebrities now. And I'm like, if you only knew, if you only knew. Big in their britches. Literally, they hang up the phone and we never hear from them again. It's an hour long conversation where they pipe in and most of them are absolutely delightful for one hour.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

446.495

And then we never hear from them again. Some we do. Some we do. That's true. But most we don't. It's not like, you know, Margaret Cho and I are having dinner on Tuesday. It doesn't happen like that. So fuck you. Anyway. Yeah. So Hollywood, Hollyweird, has this new phenomenon that, and I think this started in Hollywood. This is why I'm kind of making the connection.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

468.943

Do you know what like the pop-up store is? Have you heard of this?

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

474.589

Pop Mart. Excuse me. The Pop Mart.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

477.872

Okay. It's this place where they sell like trinkets. Mainly toys and other trinkets.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

487.454

It's a physical store. You can go there. I think they also have an online version, though I don't know that for sure. But there are physical stores, and there are a couple specifically in California. They have them dotted throughout the United States and other places. This store, otherwise known for like... Do you know like... The Japanese toy culture, you know, Hello Kitty, all that other stuff.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

509.995

I'm not talking about like anime or anything like that. I'm talking about the more like brightly pop colored, you know, pop art.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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Bubblegummy. That's right. Good. That's a great term for it. Bubblegummy type art that so many people are into and me myself find at least visually attractive.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

529.929

I like it. That's what fascinates me about Japan. I'd like to go there someday because I think that's I think that's it's ingrained in their culture. And it's such a big part of like the Japanese young youth culture that I think it's really intense and very cool. I like I like that, that you could be walking down the street and people are dressed like Hello Kitty. You know what I'm saying?

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

549.359

Like some strangers dressed like Hello Kitty making weird noises at you. I like that. That seems to me to be a place I want to live. So in 2019, I want to say, Pop Mart started selling a doll, like a collectible doll called La Boo Boo. I know. I know. I know. I don't know what to say. I don't know. I don't know any other way to explain it to you kids.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

576.071

La Boo Boo. La Boo Boo. It sounds French, but it's not. It's Japanese. La Boo Boo. I'm going home to play with my La Boo Boos. Let me give you a little dissertation on this. Le Boubou is a collective toy, designer toy, character created by Hong Kong-born artist Kasing Leung. Now, I'm probably butchering that name. I'm sorry.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

600.822

First introduced in 2015, excuse me, as part of Leung's story series, The Monsters, Le Boubou is depicted as a mischievous yet... Kind-hearted elf with distinctive features like high pointed ears, wide eyes, and nine serrated teeth forming a cheeky grin.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

620.289

The character draws inspiration from Nordic mythology and embodies a playful spirit that resonates with both children and adults, and man does it. I have been watching these videos that are taking over my Instagram algorithm. Now, granted, my Instagram algorithm is kind of strange, but it has taken over my algorithm. People are going fucking bananas for these Labubus.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

647.738

They are beating each other up, jumping up and down, sleeping in front of stores for hours or days in a row, waiting for the next Labubu drop. And they only sell like 100 of them at a time per store, something like that. And they're impossible to get. And they sell for like $35, I guess, for the small ones and then up to $100 for the bigger ones.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

692.922

Cute, I guess, if that's what you want to call it. It is really. But this is very reminiscent to me of my Dick Tracy collection, quite frankly. But unfortunately for me, no one has been waiting in front of the Pop Mart for the new Dick Tracy collection.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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And my mom threw it all out. And it was easy to get because I worked at the McDonald's. I could just take the toys. But anyway, that's neither here nor there. Okay, Dick Tracy didn't take off like Le Boo Boo. Okay, that's it. But someday it will, and then I'll be sad that my mom threw it all away. Every... Generation. Every year, every couple of years, there's something.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

72.443

And I'm trying to like talk to the lady. I'm like, listen, little mistake. And she's like, that's not how it works. You told me this. And to be fair to her, it's true. If I would not have been a dum-dum and in such a hurry to get her cash into my Zelle, then I would have gone to the store first. And here was the problem. Half the money was already spent.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

730.875

There's a new thing that comes along that everybody has to have because for whatever reason. It grabs onto the collective consciousness or a very niche set of human beings, and they have to have it no matter what. The boo-boo seems to be one of the new things. Let me give a couple examples. Cabbage Patch Dolls when we were kids.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

753.106

Adults beating each other up, getting in fist fights to get their child a Cabbage Patch Doll. Beanie Babies. Beanie Babies was another craze.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

762.45

Tickle Me Elmo was a crazy phase. God, I remember that. Garbage pail kids. Yeah, we had the garbage pail. The collectible cards. I went crazy over those.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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I had to run up to the 7-Eleven when they got a new box of them so I could pick through and find a package that I wanted. And I wanted all of them. I died for all of them. That's how I spent my $1.50 or whatever it was that my parents gave me. This is not new. This is not a new phenomenon. Something happens. Our brains get sick. We get weak in the knees. And we have to have a boo-boo.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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Immediately, if not sooner. These LaBooBoos, there are people that have 50, 60, 100 of these and they put them on chains and they're wearing them around town. I saw a tea party with LaBooBoos. Not one child in sight. Not one fucking child in sight. A LaBooBoo tea party. Not one child in sight.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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Everyone dressed in pop pinky colors with all their LaBooBoos and dressing them up and having fun and passing them around. Listen, no knock on it. Okay, you want to collect LaBooBoos, collect LaBooBoos. But I notice that this is happening like with more, a little bit more frequency. We're seeing a little bit, and I don't mean the boo-boos. I mean that people.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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Like that gotta have it mentality seems to be happening more and more frequently in more and more places with more and more things. And I wonder to myself, and this is just a guess, but I wonder to myself, If the reason why this is happening more frequently is because the real world that we live in is pretty, can be pretty fucking scary and shitty.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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And we have to turn to something else in order to soothe our fears, our anxieties, our whatever it is. And here's what I've noticed about a lot of these collectible things. It's not that, even though this is clearly geared toward children, it's a toy. And I know there's, you know, it doesn't, I don't want to say you have to be a child to have them. Of course you don't.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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But what I've noticed is that it's more and more like young adults that get into this, like 20s and early 30s, that are really taking these things and grabbing onto them and making them collectible, driving the price up, having to have them. It's really quite insane. And my theory is that people are so fucking miserable that they have to have a baboo to talk to at night.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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Do you know what I'm saying?

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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To cuddle with. You have to cuddle with a... 15 fanged weird elf monster. Serrated teeth. Nordic fluff ball in order to soothe your ills.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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I can't blame you. I really can't.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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I do the same thing by watching mentally ill people on Instagram. To embarrass themselves. Swear to God, I do. It's really – I think I get it. I think I get why people are attaching themselves to this. I saw – here's another example. The – The Nintendo, what do you call it? Switch. The handheld one. Spend the same one for whatever, 10 years. I don't know how long that thing has been out.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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So it wasn't like I could send it back to her. I had to not send it to her. So my $250 profit turned into a $112 loss. Pearl Jam Collectibles.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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And my kid has one. He wanted one. He had to have one. I got to have one. We gave him one. And now he plays for like three and a half minutes every two months and he forgets about it. It's just too much for him. And he has, like, the Disney game. He has, like, you know, the Mickey run and jump game. That's it. That's all I'll let him have. I'm not going to let him have. He's young. Yeah.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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But that Switch, Twitch, Stitch, whatever it is, that thing is coming out. They came out with a new one. And there was a whole reel by a mother. who had failed to get her son the correct information, the correct time, get him to the store on time to be one of the first to buy this.

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Bryan, The Labubu Yahoo!

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And she had a whole reel with sad music in the background and everything about the disappointment that she was because she couldn't get her son this brand new thing that he desperately needed. The kid was like seven. Buy him McDonald's. He'll be fine. I mean, you know what I'm saying? Get him a pizza. What the fuck? When you set these lofty expectations, what do you expect?

The Commercial Break

The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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But Brinker International having quite the turnaround with their Chili's. I guess it's just one of those things. If you wait long enough.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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Power of social media. And if you wait long enough, everything old becomes new again. And by the way, TGI Fridays is not going away. It's just filed for bankruptcy protection and closed 150 of their locations. But TGI Fridays could see a reversal too. They could. That's why I have some hope for this podcast, because if we just do it long enough, then eventually we might be popular.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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Do you know what I'm saying? Everybody has their 15 minutes of fame. You know, we did a preacher yesterday who was on YouTube, exclusively on YouTube. You can't find him anywhere on cable because he has zero followers with zero views. But I just thought to myself, Andy Warhol really was right.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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Everybody is gonna get their 15 minutes of fame because just to get to that guy, the amount of human beings that I had to scroll through and watch, the amount of people with 200 views, 300 views, All in fancy setups like we have, you know, and all the constructed studios and, you know, high-priced cameras and recording equipment, all this other stuff.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

1068.403

Everybody trying to do the same thing, and that is amass a following and be famous. But this whole Chili's thing made me think about this, made me think about this... Like, kind of... The iron gets hot... Because of one of two reasons.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

108.597

Know that I'm just stressed out somewhere, stressed out with our good friend Chrissy. But here's what's really got me stressed out about the state of America, Chrissy. It's not really the election.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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Either the iron gets hot because you happen to strike a chord at the exact right moment in time, or you've been around long enough that people think you struck the right chord at the exact amount at the right time. Does that make sense to you?

The Commercial Break

The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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And that goes to show that that's so true. Like, look at some of the bands that are seeing a huge resurgence in popularity. Limp fucking Biscuit. Been running around. Fred Durst with his big gray mop head of hair has been running around and has seen a huge resurgence in popularity. And I can tell you something.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

1136.933

If the year was 2012 and you asked who's going to see a huge resurgence in popularity eventually, Limp Bizkit would not be at the top of that list. It just wouldn't. I'm sorry. It would not. But why? Well, first of all, they happened to be there when they struck while the iron was hot at the time when it was hot. But then they just waited it out long enough. And now people think the iron was hot.

The Commercial Break

The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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They're just seeing a resurgent because people go, oh, they were cool at one time. So I guess they are again. It's unbelievable, Chrissy. I have hope for us. I really do. I have hope for us.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

118.786

What's got me stressed out about the state of America is an article that I read very recently. You know, it's been no secret here on The Commercial Break, if you've listened to one of the 750,000 episodes of The Commercial Break, then you know that I worked at Chili's a long time ago. I was a Chili's guy. I was a Brinker International trainer, bartender.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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Mediocre food at great prices. Mediocre comedy, great prices, in a welcoming environment full of neon. There you go.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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The Cheesecake Factory. Cheesecake Factory. No clear direction whatsoever.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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Yeah, but an interesting name, and you can find us everywhere. All right. Well, Chrissy, it'll warm the cockles of your heart to know that we have some new fans out there. Always getting new fans, always new people writing in and saying hello. And one struck a chord with Astrid, so then it struck a chord with me because I had to sit there and listen to Astrid talk about this particular event.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

1229.406

No, it's actually a very nice note that was written to us. It's got an ass TCB mixed in there. So I thought we'd take some time to read a nice email from a nice young new listener. How do I know they are young? Because they alluded to that fact. This nice young listener will say hello and then we'll... They don't remember a time without Uber.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

1248.243

They probably don't even remember a time without Netflix, if I'm being honest. Okay. How old is Netflix now? 20 years old? It's got to be 25 years old?

The Commercial Break

The Bisexual Of The Workplace

1259.705

Well, the DVD service was back in Blockbuster. I think the Blockbuster went away in the late 2000s, I want to say.

The Commercial Break

The Bisexual Of The Workplace

1272.248

Okay, so what do you want to say, 2005 or 2006, something like that?

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

1275.87

You think like 2001? I think 2001. You think so?

The Commercial Break

The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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Okay, so then Blockbuster went away pretty quickly after that, 2003. Well, there were a few hangers-on.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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Rather than us just guess about this, I'll look it up over the break, and then we'll get back to it in just a few moments. Take a listen to these sponsored, and freak with them if you will. One of them is not going to be Chili's, because we have probably talked enough shit about them to make sure that Chili's never advertises with us. We'll be back.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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While you're at it... Maybe shoot us a text at 212-433-3TCB or leave us a voicemail spilling your guts and asking for advice. You can also check out our website, tcppodcast.com, if you feel like perusing our catalog or if you're just bored. Now let's listen to some sponsors because they keep me paid.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

140.018

Trainer. Imagine they had Brian as a trainer. Okay. I was buying blow from the other bartender and a kid's margarita cup. Don't come after me. The statute of limitations is way gone. That's right. But yeah, I was a Chili's guy. I started off as a waiter at Chili's and then I became a trainer and then a bartender and then a bartending trainer. I was never very good at any of that.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

1401.707

Catching hold. Catching hold. And yeah, no, I doubt this person remembers a blockbuster. They were probably very young. Okay. This is from Sid. Now we tried to reach back out to Sid to find out whether or not we should call him or her a he or she. So I will refer to them as a her for now, because I just don't know whether or not it's a him or her.

The Commercial Break

The Bisexual Of The Workplace

1422.11

And she doesn't, they don't give many identity or they are them. They don't give much identifying information, but let's just, it's a nice email regardless. And if Sid, if you identify some other way, uh, Sorry. What do you want me to do? I tried to get a hold of you. Someone tried to email you. Okay. Ask for a little TCB advice. Sounds silly, but sure. Why not?

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

1440.258

Firstly, I just want to say that I love the podcast. The shit talking irreverent humor is right up my alley. You folks are always a safe bet for a laugh. Thanks, Sid. You're one of the few that think that. And Chrissy's incredible infectious laughter and warm voice. I find myself crying. Listening through the catalog nearly every single fucking day. I love that. I think that is so wonderful, Sid.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

1477.952

Thank you. That is one of the more heartwarming emails that we've gotten. And trust me, we've gotten a few disheartening emails. Most of them are disheartening. All right. So, okay, enough. Enough pud-pulling and bag-fluffing.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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We did talk about some bag fluffing and some bag and some exfoliating, some nut foliating. Okay, so here's the deal. I'm going to truncate this story just a little bit, Sid, just a little bit. So don't, so this is a abbreviated version of what Sid had wrote just for the sake of time and consistency. Okay, I was working at a mom and pop shop for almost five years.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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I was a damn good employee for my skill set, leadership, and blah, blah, blah. I worked my ass off for this place. I was almost in every department picking up slack or doing the things no one else would do. My managers were amazing. They were ground level people who really made the struggle worth it. But the owners of the company were involved quite a bit and were on the tail end of their careers.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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They micromanaged like hell and made it difficult to be chipper throughout the week. They would go south for the winter, then back in the spring. And when they came back, everyone was on edge and stepping on each other. The organization and protocols for projects went wayward, and we just had to deal with it. Every time they were here, it seemed like there always had to be an issue with them.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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They didn't like me from the get because I'm not a pushover, and when something was wrong, I would say so. Okay, so now let me truncate the story on this part of it. So, Sid is a dedicated, hard worker. But at the end of the day, her and her bosses, the owners, the mom and pop shop, they got into a disagreement about a particular project.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

1579.5

She wanted to do it one way, they wanted to do it another way. She thought the way that they were doing it was the wrong way. And so, the door was open and she left. She went on to a new company. Now, the old company has been taken over by new management, new ownership. And she has the opportunity to come back and work for them. But she's wondering if that's the right move or not.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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So let me share with you that I think jobs are kind of like relationships. It's likely that when you leave them, there's a good reason you left them. Now, as a guy who has been back to many broken relationships, I have also gone back to old employees. I have done this, and I've done it a few times in my life, and it never seems to work out.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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Once you have that bitter taste in your mouth, it almost never washes fully out. You never get that palate cleanser you're looking for. And it's likely that once you get in there, you're going to see stuff that is wrong, just like it was before. And the new owners are going to have their own way of doing things. And I think that you may butt heads yet again, and you may find it distressful.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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All that said, sometimes, like Chrissy's parents, this sixth or seventh time you go back to something and it ends up working out. I mean, it's hard to say. It's like lightning in a bottle. You never really know until you give it a try. But my personal opinion is if you've moved on.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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And quite frankly...

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

1671.849

She does say that she's now working for big corporate. And I don't know how I feel about it. It's a big change for me, and I don't care for how the operation is. I feel strapped down to a department, and I've lost my freedom a little bit.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

168.027

Do you know how many no-shows I had at Chili's? Probably 10 a year. Just no-shows. No show, no call. And then I would retroactively call with some crazy excuse as to why I didn't show up to work. I can imagine. My car broke down. I'm in the hospital. Grandma. I broke my leg again. Grandma's dead for the fifth time. All my grandmas are now dead. All five of them.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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So anyway, so that's when she found out that the old place has now been taken over by new management, and there's an opportunity possibly to come back in the door.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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Never mentioned.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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I don't know. It's in a strip club. I was mopping jizz off the walls. Yeah, I was on stage A, stage B. I was in the VIPs. I was bartending. No, never mentioned. But mom and pop shop makes me think of one of two things, like a little store, right?

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

1725.392

A store or like a shop, like a machinery shop, something where they manufacture something or cars or something like that. But it's never really mentioned. You know, it's hard to tell without filling in a lot of details or speaking to you directly. But again, I have to say that I think sometimes jobs are like relationships and you get emotionally invested in them.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

1752.844

Yes. And once you are kind of... Once that trust is broken, once you're kind of ripped apart that first time, it's going to be really hard to go back to it again and feel like it's a fresh start. Now, this doesn't sound like your new job is really happy slappy either, but maybe you just need to look outside of both of those places for somewhere that fits your mood. You sound like a Brian Greene.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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Let me share this to you. Let me share this with you. Never have I ever been to a job, from Chili's all the way to Clear Channel. Never have I been to a job where I stay in my lane. Never. I never stay in my lane. I always find a way to work my way into something else. Whether that's on air, I work for the podcast network, and I manage to slip my way into every meeting always for whatever reason.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

1800.033

And I'm not that smart. I don't have that much to offer. But I'm just nosy. I like to go into other places and do other things. And I get bored really easy. And so I managed to squirrel my way into things. And, you know, sometimes I affect change in a positive way. And sometimes I'm just disrupting everything that's going on. Sometimes I burn the bridges on the way out the door. Right.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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towards it. But you very much sound like a Brian Greene where it's hard for you to sit still in one position. And when you see something that's wrong or you see something that you're interested in, you run toward it, hoping that you can affect some kind of change.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

1832.446

That's not a bad attitude to have, but that attitude requires a special kind of workplace, not a big corporation where they're going to tie you down to a cubicle like Clear Channel would. You have to find a place where you have the ability to spread your wings. You have to be like a multi-position player. Chrissy?

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

1850.938

Yes, right. A switch hitter. Bisexual of the workplace, if you don't mind. You got to get out there and you got to try new things. Sample new sexual objects. And it doesn't sound like a big corporate is where you should be working. But I caution against going back to the mom and pop shop and hoping that things are going to be any different than they were before.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

1869.494

Because you don't know that to be the truth. Maybe the new owners are just as Shitty as the old owners were. That's for sure. Working for a mom and a pop shop. Mom and pop shop. Working for a place. That's someone else's baby, even though that's usually where everybody works for. Even if you work at Amazon, you know, it's Jeff Bezos's baby.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

1890.454

But Jeff Bezos, he's long since given his baby to many other managers that all then take over their little position. But working directly for the person whose baby it is, is always going to be a thankless fucking job. It's always going to be a thankless job. And I've worked for some of these people.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

190.28

But yeah, it was like the picture of irresponsibility when I worked at Chili's. And I think anybody who worked with me at that time would agree that I was the picture of irresponsibility at that time. But Chili's back when I worked there was quite the happening place.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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They have this idea, and they start to see it blossom, and they need to have their fingers in every piece of the pie, and it's always their way or the highway. And partly, that is why some of these businesses become very successful, is because you have a single-minded visionary who takes control of everything, i.e., the commercial break. And... Yes. Yes.

The Commercial Break

The Bisexual Of The Workplace

1935.585

Or you have a single-minded visionary who is just a dipshit and drives everything into the ground, i.e. the commercial break. There you go. Okay. Ask Chrissy. She knows. I'm a position player and my position is on top. Do you know what I'm saying? I like to smother everybody.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

1960.891

I am. I like to take it in the ass and give it in the ass. So, very nice email. Very well written. I really appreciate the nice words, Sid. But, you know, that's my advice to you. If you wanted our terrible advice... By the way, life advice, never take it from the commercial break. Look at us. We are literally two people who are desperately trying to get attention by yelling into microphones.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

1987.248

Four fucking days a week. Yeah. Okay? You think Smartless is doing that? No, they're not. They actually have success. You see Conan acting like an idiot four days a week? No, he's not. You see Stern? Yeah, Stern's acting like an idiot four days a week. Yeah, I think that's the advice that I have to give Chrissy.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

2008.341

You concur?

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

202.464

So many people love Chili's. The Chili's that I worked at here in suburbia in suburban Atlanta. It was packed every night of the week. Oh, yeah. And Friday and Saturday. It would not be unusual for us to be on a 45-minute to hour-long wait. People, like, sitting outside waiting for their table to be cut.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

2035.797

Here's what I appreciate about Sid. It's very hard, as we know, because we have hired and fired people here at the commercial break. Sometimes, well, anyway, I'm not going to get into HR things, but we have hired and fired people in our entrepreneurial lives here at the commercial break. It's very hard to find someone that is as invested in the success of the company as you are.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

2058.114

And we're lucky to have a few people here that work for us now that are as invested in the success as we are. So you seem like one of those people who was just as invested in the success of this mom and pop shop as they were. You guys just didn't see eye to eye on how to get there.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

2074.563

But the problem is if you don't have a true like partnership feel with the mom and pop, then you're always going to be the person who's just trying to to be as invested in the success as them. And they're always going to see you as that person, always going to see you as a person who is just an employee. And you want to be a partner in the business.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

2093.932

You want to do things to make the business better and have it be more successful. Well, then you should find someone.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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That's what I was going to say. Start your own jack shack. That's what I did. you should find someone who is going to who's really going to see the value in that partnership pay you like that Treat you like that and bring you in like that. Like, bring you into the conversation like that. It's not always going to mean your way is the best way. But, you know. And everybody's got a boss, by the way.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

2125.797

Everybody has a boss. I keep on telling my kids this. I have one kid who is so fucking hard-headed. So fucking hard-headed. The other day, kid comes up to me and says, I want candy. I want candy. And I'm like, now I'm just being a jerk like they are to me sometimes. I'm like, no. No. And I say, no, no, no.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

2146.76

And then I go to play with another kid, and I turn my head, and he's eating candy behind my back. What are you doing? Didn't I just tell you not to do that? No. No. You know, now I'm in the wrong, right? So we're going back and forth, like this really hard-headed conversation between two really hard-headed people. And I totally forgot. And he won. And he won. And he won. That's the bottom line.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

2180.19

That's the point of that story. I forgot why I said to him.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

2183.974

Oh, and okay. So I was sharing. Everybody's got a boss. Yes. And I was, that was the punchline. And Astrid is my boss. Yes. And she should be. Kind words, Sid. Thank you for listening to the commercial break. Love you too. And, um, Yeah, and by the way, we do have some more Ask TCBs that are quite a bit old, and we'll get to them later on this week.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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On this episode of The Commercial Break... You have to find a place where you have the ability to spread your wings. You have to be like a multi-position player. You know what I'm saying, Chrissy? Switch hitter? That's right, a switch hitter. Bisexual of the workplace, if you don't mind. You've got to get out there and you've got to try new things. Sample new sexual objects.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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On Friday, we're going to do an Ask TCB with all the rest of the questions. None of them quite as, I guess, demure as Sid's. I think they just like to write in and hear themselves talk about, you know, basically, I don't believe any of you. That's what I'm trying to say. I don't believe any of this bullshit. OK, not everyone has a 10 foot dick and can't find a girlfriend to take it.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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You know what I'm saying? And three people in a row writing that. Come on, guys. All right. We'll be back.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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In case you guys were wondering, I am currently trapped in the closet in the studio being forced to record liner after liner and I never get to leave. So help me by following us on Instagram at The Commercial Break and on TikTok at TCB Podcast and go to our website, tcbpodcast.com for more information about Brian and Chrissy and access to our massive catalog of video and audio episodes.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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I was the hostess. Some days, yeah.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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Now, please text us at 212-433-3TCB and tell Brian and Chrissy to let me out of the closet.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

2273.4

As a squirrel lover and possum hater, Chrissy, it breaks my heart to hear the story of Peanut. Have you heard the story of Peanut? Everybody's talking about Peanut.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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For those of you, I know, now Peanut is no more. I only heard about Peanut today and now he's dead.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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You know, as a guy who spent an entire half an afternoon trying to save the life of a baby squirrel, it makes me really upset to think that all of my work is in vain because, in fact, squirrels are rodents and people want to kill them. Mostly the New York City councilman or whoever these people are. But Peanut is a squirrel, was a squirrel. Peanut is no longer a squirrel. Peanut was a squirrel.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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Pissed off human beings.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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Do-da, do-da. Peanut was a squirrel. A very famous squirrel, if you know. But maybe the most famous squirrel named Peanut ever.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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Unintentionally funny, Brian. That's a good one. Feet at the squirrels. Heartbreaking. This is TMZ here. Byline TMZ, where we get all the good, juicy information. Peanut the squirrel's heartbreaking story is tugged at the heartstrings of thousands nationwide after the rodent was seized and euthanized by authorities last week.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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I think those people came after us.

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But a notable New York City assemblywoman tells us despite it being a sad situation, human lives need to be prioritized. Seems like... Peanut was a mass murdering squirrel.

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Oh, he did? Oh, well, if Peanut bit somebody, fuck Peanut.

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Yeah. You're a 40 top. There are two people. That's why they're going before you. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, I can't imagine being like a waitress or a hostess at a restaurant like that in 2024 because it was bad back when I was working there. Maybe tell you what year it was. But Chili's was quite a happening place and it was experiencing expansive growth.

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Oh, yeah. You got to, like, open the squirrel up in order to find out if they have rabies. And that's hard to do while they're still alive. Trust me. They only do that with your parathyroid.

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Anyway, the majority whip of the New York State Assembly tells TMZ that while she's an ardent animal rights advocate and sympathizes with Peanuts owner Mark Longo, she believes euthanizing peanut was the only option since the New York State Department of Environmental Conservation Investigation Services revealed that the squirrel bit somebody.

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Uh, she explains to us that they had no choice but to put down peanuts so they could test the rodent for rabies, which is deadly for 99% of humans. Catch it. Holy shit. Really? Yeah. Really? Seriously? Rabies. 99% deadly? Yeah, I know. I've heard that. I've seen, I saw, um, I saw a raccoon that had rabies one time. It was like foaming at the mouth. It was really weird.

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It was not a, you didn't want to, you don't want that. Yeah. But I do know and I have heard of people who have gotten rabies shots before. And apparently that is a terrifyingly painful thing to go through. Like you have to get them in your heart or something. I don't know something like that. Or is that a tetanus shot? I can't remember. Whatever cares.

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Anyway, she also noted that that it's well known that there's no approved method for testing animals for rabies while they are still alive. She believes the DEC was just doing its job, noting that the New York state law requires a license for owning a wild animal. So personnel were just sticking to the rules and following up on complaints about Peanut not being legally registered.

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Fuck the neighbors. Really? You're really that upset? Yeah. About a squirrel running around your apartment.

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Yeah, inside and outside your walls with a little top hat and a foaming mouth.

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And his little peanut droppings everywhere in your abode. I mean, come on. He's getting a little insensitive now. The councilwoman emphasizes she's sensitive about the whole situation and hopes that Peanut can rest in peace.

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This is so unintentionally funny. I'm sorry. I'm with you. I know this must be heartbreaking to Mark and other people. Yeah. She even credits Mark for his efforts to legally run an animal refuge, which she describes as incredibly admirable. Well, thank you for that. It's a consolation prize. You're incredibly admirable. Yeah.

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As we reported, authorities euthanized Peanut, even though there was evidence that he did not have rabies. He had bitten Mark a few times, but Mark had never shown any symptoms. Peanut had half a million followers on Instagram and long ago says anonymous complaints about the squirrel led to the state agency getting a search warrant to rip the animal from its home and kill it. Yeah, I know. I know.

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I got the same picture here.

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He was also euthanized. Oh, Nick has a terrible track record with his animal refuge, I just have to say.

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There was like a Chili's opening every other day and somewhere in the United States of America. It was quite a happening place to be in. The bar was too. There was, you know, televisions and bright colored neon signs and margaritas of all different flavors and fashions. The blue, double blueberry, strawberry.

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No more likes for Peanuts. I know I'm being insensitive, but I saved a squirrel, so I think I get a pass on this one. Longo and his wife tell us they are in the process of legal action about Peanut, because they will not let Peanut die in vain. Okay. All right. Let's talk this over as rational human beings.

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Start there. Start there. Let's start there.

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Yeah, start saving the animals again. And then let's not get all of our animals in our refuge murdered by the New York State Councilwoman or whatever it is. Listen, Peanut is very cute. I saw Peanut. I saw Peanut, some of Peanut's videos. Peanut is adorable. And Mark is a peanut lover. He's an animal lover, just like I was when I found a little baby squirrel that was clearly in a lot of distress.

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I saved that. But I also took it to a approved animal sanctuary. In some lady's living room in Kennesaw, Georgia. So know that I was on the up and up about this whole thing. Don't come calling to me, New York State Assemblywoman, whatever your name is. No, I took it to an approved animal, like a person who had been approved by the environmental services to rescue these animals and care for them.

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And so start there. Legally, you got to get that. But second of all, I do understand that if people are concerned that other people may get bit and get rabies, that's like you do have to save the people first. All of that said, it's a terrible tragedy, it honestly is, for everyone involved in Peanuts' life.

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Because I met that squirrel, I met Peaches for exactly two hours, and I was in love with Peaches. Like, I would have done anything for Peaches.

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Yeah, chimp crazy?

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Yeah, a smoking section.

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They are wild.

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Yeah, I mean, listen.

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Yeah, you really do. And that's the only way to keep everybody safe. And, you know, I I but I do see why this is a story that has gained some traction because, you know, just like me, I saved a squirrel. Had I kept the squirrel, you know, I probably would have been in some in the crosshairs of somebody for having a wild animal that didn't have, you know, tests and all that other stuff. Yeah.

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There was a smoking section of the restaurant.

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So and just like that lady on Chimp Crazy. I mean, I think there is a difference between having a wild chimpanzee and you're bathroom, a 500 pound Tonka in your bathroom and having peanut hanging out in your kitchen. But I guess you got to kind of apply the rules evenly to everybody or else then you get this wild things because peanut is one thing.

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But there are some crazy mofos out there that really have crazy wild animals, crazy wild animals. And they shouldn't have them. I told you the story about how one time I went to a party here in Atlanta and they had big cats in cages in the backyard of this mansion. And those big cats were clearly like this wasn't a zoo. These were like just people who own big cats.

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Like, you know, those guys you see that are in Dubai that are riding around in their Corvettes with the top down and they've got like a 3,000 pound lion on a chain. I mean... At any moment. At any moment. Those things just jump out of the car and start mauling people. And that's what happened. That's the story of Siegfried and Roy, if I'm being honest.

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Crazy. You know, actually, I think when I worked at, I worked at like four different Chili's. I think the second Chili's that I worked at, they actually didn't have smoking anywhere. Like it was one of the first restaurants in this part of town that decided just to outlaw smoking altogether. You had to go outside to smoke. I say all of this to say that I have been to Chili's since.

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I mean, that story always just made me so creeped out. That story of Siegfried and Roy. To think... No one, and I mean no one, in the 25 years plus that they had that show going on in Vegas, and those lions, huge lions and tigers and ligers, were just sitting there, feet from people who had paid $10,000 to sit in the front row.

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And at any moment, they could have just jumped off stage and started mauling people. And no one thought to think about that. No one thought to give that a little look-see until after... Was it Siegfried or Roy? I can't remember. I think it was Siegfried. After Siegfried got dragged offstage by one of the tigers, supposedly to defend him. And I don't see how that was the case.

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But anyway, I'm not an animal psychiatrist. Wish I was sometimes, because then I could get in the mind of Peanut and understand what was going through his little brain. Or Blue. But no one thought... To talk it over with Siegfried and Roy, whether or not any of these animals could at any moment just jump into the audience and start mauling people. Isn't that crazy?

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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Oh, I went to some when I was a kid.

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Yeah, where they had like elephants and lions and tigers and monkeys. And there was no netting.

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No, they were just hoping they'd run from one side of the arena to the other for a piece of meat. But at any moment, they could have just decided to run for another kind of piece of meat, which was a small child in the audience named Brian.

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I mean, so, you know, while I do have a big open heart for Mark and Peanut, I do also understand. Condolences. Condolences for Peanut.

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His spirit will live on forever on Instagram in a top hat. And let us not forget the much overlooked Fred the Raccoon, who also had to suffer the same fate. Honorable mention. Honorable mention to Fred, who just died simply because Peanut was biting people. We have given no sanctimony to this particular story, and I'm sorry if you're offended. I'm sorry. We're just a little slap happy.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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It's been a long time since we've worked this hard. We've been vacationing and on morphine and dealing with menopause. Dealing with menopause, as my friend said the other day.

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Yeah, he goes, you're dealing with menopause, bro. Yes, I am. Yes, I am.

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there is i'm taking it yes but i am feeling much better so yes we're so excited we got uh i wish i could remember all the names mariana i think was one of them uh marianne a lot of other people all the marys uh thank you very much yeah i'm feeling better last week was not the commercial break at his top form but i was kind of high on thyroid hormone what a ride

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Now, not many times because I got Chili's'd out. I have had everything there is to have on that menu.

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But I am feeling much better today and yesterday and all the other episodes you've heard. So there you go. All right, tcbpodcast.com. That's where you go. You find out more information about Chrissy and I, all the audio, all the videos, show notes, links to our sponsors' codes, all that good stuff, information about our guests. It's all there. You can also get your free TCB sticker.

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Go to the website. Hit the Contact Us button. There's a drop-down menu. It says something about a sticker. Click on that one. Give us your address. Give us your address, and we'll send off a sticker to your location. No muss, no fuss. No money needed. But if you want to send us money, feel free to do that, too. Maybe I should start putting our PayPal up there. Drop-down menu, I want my PayPal.

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2-1-2-4-3-3-2-3-T-C-B. That's 2-1-2-4-3-3-3-8-2-2. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. We are taking them all right there at that phone number. Text or leave us a voice message and we will get back to you. I promise. At the commercial break on Instagram. I haven't checked that.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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Yeah, no. And it quite frankly just brings up bad memories of how irresponsible I really was. I get jittery every time I go into a Chili's. I go into like a cocaine withdrawal. I'm like, ah, ah, ah, ah. And I certainly have never been back to the Chili's that I worked at. That's for sure. But there's Chili's everywhere.

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Yeah. I haven't checked that phone since I went for surgery. TCB podcast on TikTok and YouTube.com slash the commercial break. Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today.

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But I'll tell you that I love you. And I love you. Best to you.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye, peanut. We love you. Bye.

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And I think we've been once or twice, maybe with the kids, maybe once or twice with Astrid when we first met. And it was a shell of what it used to be.

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A shell of what it used to be. They now have these computer screens that you order stuff from. God bless you if you can find a waiter. There's nobody at the bar ever. That just doesn't happen. Chili's was not a happening place. The last time I had been there was during the pandemic. And I'm telling you, it was a shell of its former self in 2018. During the pandemic, it was just a pure shit show.

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Disgustingly dirty. The food was terrible. The waitstaff, I think, were just overtaxed, but they were terrible. We got no service whatsoever. And we decided, well, we're never going back to a Chili's again. I guess Chili's will be closing their door anytime soon. That is not the case. Chili's is on quite the hot streak, Chrissy.

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And those double-bubble blueberry margarita bullshit that they're advertising now on television, like those dollar margaritas, like the syrupy, color-y, weird neon-colored margaritas that they're selling.

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Yes. Yeah, exactly.

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When I had no idea what alcohol would do to my body, I absolutely... Or pure syrupy sugar. Yeah, that's right. I absolutely wanted a schnozberry raspberry double tequila margarita extra large from Chili's. But when I learned how to drink, I also learned that anything that looks like that... is going to certainly cause you an extra hangover the next day, no matter how good it tastes.

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The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.

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And they never tasted good, just to be honest about it. Not to me.

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On the table tents, they looked fantastic. But once you got them into your belly, it was like, I don't know, like instant stomach acid as far as I was concerned.

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So, but I was surprised to learn, and maybe this is because I'm not in that demographic, so I don't get served this up. Chili's has become quite the hot commodity amongst the 20-somethings in the United States of America. They are TikTok-ing about it. They are Instagram-ing about it. They are talking about how delicious the margaritas are.

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They are talking about how their burgers are fantastic and go there.

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Millions and millions of views on TikTokers who are not paid by Brinker or Chili's, but TikTokers who are just influencers and who are at Chili's drinking these shitty neon colored margaritas. Now, listen, I was 21 once also, and Chili's was my jam. I was working there. So yes, it was the food I could afford. And quite frankly, if you took a date to Chili's, like if y'all went to Chili's,

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It wasn't the best place in the world, but you wouldn't be looked at with a side eye to go to a Chili's, right? If you said, hey, let's go to Chili's and get ourselves an awesome blossom and endless chips and fucking queso.

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Applebee's is another one. Crapplebee's indeed. But it surprised me to no end to learn that Chili's is on quite the hot streak, like 30 percent sales growth in same store sales growth year over year. Their social media is trending huge. They are selling margaritas like hotcakes. Their burgers are on fire, literally and figuratively.

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Yes, that's right. Your shitterita, your double bubble schnozberry margarita and your double bubble fart burger is mixing in your stomach to cause quite the scene the next morning. But the kids love it. They are loving it. I say kids, they're not kids, but the youngsters are loving Chili's and they're going there en masse. I can't believe it. And, you know, good for Chili's.

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That's all I got to say. Good for Chili's. I root for you under no circumstances. But I say congratulations to Chili's for apparently turning the ship around.

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Yes, but they just filed for bankruptcy yesterday.

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Let's be real honest about it, though. There is a difference between a Chili's and a TGI Fridays. A TGI Fridays is like dark, smoky woods, still smells like cigarettes because they haven't changed the actual seating, like the actual physical seating of the restaurant, since it was just a smoky bar. And TGI Fridays always appealed to a more mature crowd. Like, when you went to a Chili's,

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe, if you're still out there in the podcast universe. It's the day after Election Day, and while we're recording this a day earlier... I just hope we're all still here. That's all I got to say. Anyway, so welcome back. If you're hearing this 300 years from now, you have uncovered my studio. Mountains and mountains of nuclear ash, dust, and sand.

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And maybe this is because I worked there and that was like my scene, my age, my bad cocaine problem. Like when you worked at it, when you were at a Chili's, it was bright. It was colorful. It was fun. They made those colorful margaritas because they know that the young people like to drink them. That's the only people that like to drink them. No knock on young folks.

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It's just when you get to be, you know, when you get to be a little older, you'll understand. Like a bourbon on the rocks or just a light draft beer is going to do the same trick as that syrupy margarita. It's just not going to give you as bad of a hangover at the end of the day. And it's the food you can afford.

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When you're only making so much money, you can't pay $250 for a steak and a nice bottle of wine every night, so you go to Chili's. The TGI Fridays, even when I was young, seemed like it was for, like, 40-somethings. You know what I'm saying? 40-somethings on a blind date, or, like, people who had a bad problem with alcohol. Like, that always seemed to me to be the TGI Fridays vibe.

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I don't ever think they caught, like, the youth...

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Like cheesecake factories are now. Yes. But cheesecake factories are doing very well also. I guess they always have been. And I don't know how they do that. Like Chili's and Cheesecake Factories both have 62-page menus. I know. I mean, how do you do that? Like no wonder those kitchens are so incredibly big because you have to make 62,000 different items. I know.

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But the one Fridays that I went to on any kind of regular basis, we only went there when we were like out of other options. Do you know what I'm saying? Like we had been to Houston's, you know, for a really nice dinner. You know, we had been to Chile and we would go, OK, well, I guess let's go to TGI Fridays. And it was this huge TGI Fridays that had clearly been open since the 80s.

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And it was mainly bar in the middle.

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Like a huge bar that you had to like walk upstairs to get to. Oh, yeah. So the bar was elevated amongst the other restaurant. And they were wearing all that flair.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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They were wearing the flair and spinning the bottles. You know, like the Chili's bartenders always... I guess we envied the TGI Friday's bartenders a little bit. They were older and they knew how to spin bottles and we just knew how to snort cocaine. Yeah, like cocktail. That's right. They learned it. They learned how to do that. It's like a TGI Friday's thing.

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But I just remember every time I went in there, we never went to the bar even though we were old enough to drink because it was like kind of a scary scene. It was older single folks. And if you got sucked into that vortex... Who knows what was likely to happen? You were outgunned. You were outgunned. You didn't, I don't know if those people are like in their 40s. What do you do now? Right?

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It was like more of a, I want to say a sophisticated vibe. It was more of like an old drunk kind of vibe.

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That is recently.

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Okay. Because that's the only one that still allows smoking?

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Not that you smoke. There's no smoking in there. Oh, I thought there was. I thought the Fridays still had smoking.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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Oh, do they have a patio outside where you can smoke or something at that Fridays, I think?

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Maybe water. I don't know.

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Yeah, you know, that airport is such a weird scene. And they do have a Friday's there that is packed because I think it's a familiar place for people to go. I mean, let's be honest about it. Every place at the airport is a familiar place to go because they're all chained restaurants.

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Yeah, there's a couple. I'll give you that. There's a couple of gourmet things. Listen, when you go to the Atlanta airport, it's like basically going to downtown. As a matter of fact, skip downtown Atlanta. Go to the airport. Buy a ticket. You're going to spend just as much money as you would at a club in downtown. When we went to that Disney Junior, and let me share this with you.

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And you've been pulling wires out for decades and eons, slowly uncovering with little paintbrushes to get down and down. And you finally found my decrepit roadcaster. And you press play and you went this. This is why that society went under. So welcome day after Election Day. I hope we know who's president. But if we don't, then, yes, I'm stressed out.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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When we went to Disney Junior the other day, we went to the Fox Theater, which is on Peachtree Street. And Fox Theater is legendary in song and in fable.

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theater that was built since the 20s that's right in the 20s it's built to look like the inside of an egyptian town like a town in egypt uh and i don't i don't even know what to tell you how to explain how beautiful this theater is it's been renovated many times it's caught fire multiple times there's a ceiling with stars and beautiful just like a night sky

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And it looks like you're in an Egyptian town. It looks like something out of Epcot is really what it looks like. But it's quite beautiful. But anyway, it's on Peachtree Street, like in the heart of Atlanta. As a matter of fact, if you Google Atlanta on a map and you see a dot, that's likely where the Fox Theater is. We parked and we had to walk two blocks away.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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The scene in that two blocks was unbelievable. And there were three bars that we had to pass. And all three of those bars, Sunday afternoon, were empty. And all three had one thing in common. A huge security guard with at least two guns on their hips. And I am not even kidding you. Like, to think to yourself...

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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That you have to walk into a bar or a restaurant in downtown Atlanta and the security guards need to be armed like that is, to me, a little bit unnerving. I'm just sharing that. And I know we have very lax gun laws here and those guys, all you have to do is own a gun and then you can carry it like that.

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But you could go to the Atlanta airport and the guns are being carried by trained professional police officers and everybody has to be checked before you walk in the door.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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And you've got all the same bars and restaurants. It's all the same experience. And no matter what time of day or night, those restaurants are packed.

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

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Not you and I. 8 a.m.

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what but no at the airport totally cool totally acceptable completely it's the air you're right about that the airplane airport is the one place in this world where you can still be a raging alcoholic at any time of day or night and everyone understands flying yeah flying is shitty and we all need a little bit of booze to get through yeah that's right

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The Bisexual Of The Workplace

995.646

So Chili's, you know, the one thing they don't have at the airport, unbelievably, I don't think anyway, I've never seen it, is the Chili's.

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I can't believe she didn't win. She wasn't up for G.I. Jane. G.I. Jane. Wasn't wasn't she up for an award for G.I. Jane or striptease or something? Ghost. Ghost. Ghost. Yeah.

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I mean, all of these, you know, I get it. So much. I get that they think that I get that it's like popcorn actress. Right. I understand what they're saying when they say that. But she when you think back on it, she has chewed on a few roles. Yes. That were pretty groundbreaking. Striptease made so much noise when it came out. Yeah. No, not Ghost, but G.I. Jane made so much noise when it came out.

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Ghost was a huge deal when it came out. Didn't Whippy Goldberg win an Academy Award for that? I think she did. I know she did. I think she won an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress in that film. So to be her sitting in that seat for just a moment and recognize that the movie that she just made is essentially coming true in real life. Yeah.

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The whole premise of Substance is happening right in front of her eyes. The young lady beats out the older woman who has seen her better days in Hollywood and has aged to some degree. And it was just like life imitating art in such a weird way. And I'm sorry.

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Beet juice and colloidal silver.

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But I know there's a lot of interpret—there's like a lot of reels going around with— Morris face when Mikey Madsen's called out. Oh, really? I think she handled it as graciously as possible. But you can tell she was on a roll leading up to this. And then it just she just didn't get it. It just didn't happen.

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Somebody put it so sad that Courtney Cox didn't win an Oscar. I was like, that's not Courtney Cox. I get the joke, but it wasn't Courtney Cox. Okay, Quentin Tarantino came out and announced best director.

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I like it.

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Maybe we should mix our wine cooler with our hangover remedy. Wow, tasty. The drink that gets you sober.

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He's retiring. He's doing one more movie, he says.

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supposed to come out for a while yeah but that's Quentin all the time he's always saying he's making the next movie he's writing the next movie the thing about Quentin is he's got to have his hands in every single bit of the movie which I think makes those movies uniquely Quentin Tarantino right but he's got to write every line he's got to do everything he's got to make the lighting himself he's like that Christopher Nolan the two of them they and James Cameron they're like super involved

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to directors but I guess the best directors in the world are the ones that really take control of every single bit of it and listen I haven't met a Quentin Tarantino movie that I don't like exactly and I gotta say that he is just such a cool cat like he comes out on stage and he's talking to people Is he talking to the crowd as if it was one person at a bar and you guys were best friends? Yeah.

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You get the sense that Quentin Tarantino is cool in any situation. And I don't care how old the guy is. I think he's always going to be that way. He's just one of those cool cats. He came out. He did Best Director.

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I just wanted to share that Quentin Tarantino coming on the Oscars made it just a little bit more interesting than it otherwise would be. Morgan Freeman showed up to talk about his friend Gene Hackman, who had just passed away.

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Under extraordinarily strange circumstances. Extraordinarily strange circumstances.

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And in failing health, according to some people.

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Yeah, it's nine days, ten days. Yeah, they didn't find him for— For like nine or ten days. She was mummified.

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Yeah, I don't disagree with you. And when I first read about it, at first I thought, oh, there's something nefarious. Right, of course. There's a bandit going around Santa Fe, New Mexico, killing people.

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Or murder, suicide or something along those lines. But then when you hear the at least the description of the scene, it appears one died first and the other one went after because of whatever. Or she died and she was his caretaker and he fell on the floor and couldn't get up. Right. Something along those lines. I don't really obviously, you know, more information to come.

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But when they talked about the dog dead, I was like, right. But, you know, hey, listen, it is not strange for people, older people to die with their dogs in the house and they get eaten by the dog. Yeah. And I know Blue would be the first one to take a bite out of me. I know she would. OK, that's why I don't like Blue, because I know that Blue would turn on me in a heartbeat.

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She may seem all, you know, small and not very ferocious, but if she didn't have food, that dog wouldn't go three hours and she'd start chewing on my penis. I know it. I just know it. All right. I do have to also share that, you know, I liked the, they did a performance of The Wiz, which I thought was fine. Queen Latifah did a fine job. It was fine.

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And Ariana Grande and Cynthia and a couple other people in the front row started dancing, but the rest of the Academy didn't even bother to stand up and I mean, it's the whiz. It's like, you know, I don't know. I thought it just showed just everybody in the audience is boring, too. None of them are standing up and dancing in this extremely soulful, you know, catchy song.

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Ariana and Cynthia figured it out. Why didn't everybody else stand up? You don't have to dance. You can just stand up and do a little, you know, head bopping. But they didn't put any other great music in the show. I mean, you had the Bob Dylan biopic that was there. There's so much great music from some of these movies every year.

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You could have showcased some of this stuff, and instead you pick The Wiz? Really? I mean, I know that Quincy Jones was winning an award, but The Wiz was like the only song besides the Wicked song that made any kind of impression on me whatsoever. There were only three songs played the entire time. The other one was... The other one was... I think it was another Wiz song.

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I think they did two Wiz songs. Two Wiz songs? The Wiz came out in 1971. It's 2025. I get it. I get why you're doing it. I get the through line here. But I think you could have added some pop, some music, something to move the festivities along just a little bit. Because then in the end, the most boring thing that happened the entire night was Adrian Brody's insufferable six-minute...

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. Did you watch the Oscars? We haven't had a chance to talk about it because this is our first episode since the Oscars appeared. Did you watch the Oscars?

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acceptance speech adrian did this 26 years ago when he won for the pianist and then he did it again this time he literally told them to shut the music off while he finished what he had to say and then he had to say nothing Not a fucking thing that meant anything. Be good to each other. Okay, that's great, Adrian. We already know that. We get it.

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He basically made the same speech, 26 years difference, and just almost the same length. He beat out everybody else for the longest acceptance speech ever. Really? Ever. In the history of the Academy. Ever. And he only beat himself out for that particular award. He is insufferable. Patting himself on the back and talking about how acting is a tough job and it's a fragile profession.

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I don't disagree, but there's millions of people across the world that are watching you. I don't know. It just came across as very insufferable. jerking himself off and I didn't care for it. Adrian's a fine actor. I've seen him in a lot of stuff and I like him when he's acting.

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It's just as long as that fucking acceptance speech. For God's sakes.

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It was so long that Hulu decided to cut off the last 12 minutes of the show because they had a hard out at whatever time it was, 1045.

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The Oscars?

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Hulu was live streaming it because ABC, Hulu, Disney, and they cut off the last 12 minutes of the show.

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Where you find out best picture. Now, listen, you didn't miss anything. I'm just sharing with you. You didn't miss anything. They could have cut out Adrian's fucking half of his acceptance speech and probably gotten an extra 30 minutes on there. I think it went on forever. Anybody who watched the lives knows what I'm talking about.

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It was insufferable, incoherent, and irrelevant as far as I'm concerned. I think we should all be good to each other. I get the message, Adrian, but honestly, enough is enough. 30 seconds. Fine. Move on to the next one and play a song that's been made in the last 50 years. All right, we'll take a break and we'll stop talking about the

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. Doing that Conan thing where he takes his hip and he moves it back and forth. You don't know the Conan thing? Yeah. He takes his hip, he moves it back and forth with a string.

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I love that.

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All right. I do also have to just say, I promise this will be the last thing I say about the Oscars. Where was the star power for the Oscars? No Clooney, no Brad Pitt, no Uma Thurman. No. I mean, there were like all the regular kind of like. You know, grandfathered in actors and actresses that we usually see all dialed up, you know, sitting there in the front row. None of them there.

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Yeah, okay. All right, so Conan did the Oscars. I think, you know, he did a job. He did just fine. Conan did just fine. He was a steady hand on the ship. He did a great... I think, intro monologue. He did a good job without offending too many people. He was really funny. I liked the bit with John Lithgow. You know, Conan is a good host. He's done this for a long time.

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I didn't see Uma Thurman there, but I just noticed. And then I read there was a lack of kind of that, you know, typical Hollywood elite that are there. Not that... Not that it would have made it any different, but at least, you know, seeing Clooney all dressed up. That's a nice thing. You like to see Clooney dressed up. He's a handsome guy.

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You look at the Oscars and they probably show it. If Clooney's there, they're showing him six or seven times during the Oscars. He's got that expressive face.

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No. Clooney hasn't had a movie in like 10 years. Where did Clooney go? What's the last movie he did? Lake Como. Yeah, Lake Como. That's it. Yeah, I guess when you have a private island in Italy, you don't go many places.

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Oh, my God, to be Clooney. And all you have to do is those coffee commercials every couple of weeks, and you make $100 million.

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Oh, yeah, that's right.

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Why don't we have a tequila brand? Why don't we have something that's like of value? Because the content certainly isn't it. I mean, I'd like it to be, but that's not making us any money. Why don't we start a wine or something?

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Brian and Chrissy's wine coolers? TCB lights? TCB bubbles?

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A wine cooler. Like a really syrupy blue raspberry wine cooler.

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TCB, giving you a headache on a Tuesday night. Yeah, like really cheap. Yes. We'll get you drunk and make you feel like junk. Why not? TCB, wine coolers for teenagers. Yeah. We'll target teenagers for our sales. Yeah, you know. We'll get like a Joe Camelot character going on so we can target the teenagers.

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Yeah, I think due to doge deregulations, I think you can now market alcohol and cigarettes to kids. Isn't that true? Yeah, it's got to be. I don't know. Listen, if we were in the wine cooler business, that's where it's at. We're going to do a merch drop. I'm not even going to say when because then it will never happen. But we're going to do a merch drop and like Aster and I are talking about it.

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And now I'm thinking wine coolers. Why not? Wine coolers. Let's drop wine coolers and then some weird hangover remedy made of beet juice. Beet juice and colloidal silver. Yeah.

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I like it.

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Maybe we should mix our wine cooler with our hangover remedy. The drink that gets you sober. The alcoholic drink that gets you sober. Brian, TCV wine coolers. That's good for the kids. TCV wine cooler. Take the kids, take the keys away. Hey, listen, it works for everybody else. You know, I see that Sam Murill. And his buddy, Mark Norman. And they have a whiskey brand. I think it's a whiskey brand.

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They have a whiskey brand. And I see them out there promoting that all the time. And they're at parties and they're at restaurants and they're eating steaks and they're drinking drinks and they're taking promotional pictures. It looks like a ton of fucking fun. Yeah. And while I don't drink all that much, that's not to say I wouldn't to become a billionaire. I'd stay drunk for a couple more years.

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You know what I'm saying? I could deal with my kids if I had a private plane. If I had a private plane, I could drink wine coolers until I'm blue in the face. TCB Wine Coolers. May turn your skin blue. Colloidal Silver. That's it. Colloidal Silver. We're making wine coolers, and the flavors are going to be Colloidal Silver, Homegrown Vaccine, We're going to do a bunch of them.

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He did whatever it was, 26 years, 30 years of late night television. So he certainly knows how to work a crowd. He knows how to be in front of a crowd, how to deliver a monologue, how to be funny. He's got a team of writers.

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It's just going to all be weird conspiracy theory names, and we're going to mix all kinds of tonics and stuff in there. Because... The content is not making us a millionaire, for sure. We're far from that. But if we could get some kind of cocktail or something that we could go sell and then just we sell it to the bigger liquor distributors, right? Isn't that how it works?

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It's so hard. Yeah, it's really hard. Yeah, I had a guy.

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Yeah, that's it. You got to have, like, it's really hard to convince a distributor to put those on shelves. And then it's super hard to convince the people who own the stores to give you shelf space. And if you don't have the shelf space, you're not selling the liquor. Like, it's all, it's really a racket is what it is. But so are cereal aisles, too. It's the same thing.

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You can't make a new cereal. Yeah. And get into Publix. It just doesn't work that way. You have to show them that you can sell, convince them to, you know, you've watched an episode of Shark Tank. You know how it goes. I get all my information from Shark Tank. Okay. Kevin O'Leary. But I will share that I had a friend who started a energy drink business, like an energy drink water.

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And they went around to every mom and pop gas station. We all know the ones, the ones that sell crack pipes and they have a Bitcoin.

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They have a Bitcoin machine in the corner, you know, where you can buy Bitcoin by putting money into the till. We all know those gas stations and they went around to every gas station in the southeast trying to get that sold. And they did. They would sell like a case at a time or whatever. And they were doing this all out of the back of their truck. And this went on for seven fucking years.

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They tried to get Coca-Cola to buy it. They tried to get Pepsi to buy it. They tried to get distributors to buy it. They tried to get some kind of help. And no one and no one would even take a meeting with them. They were like, get get a number. Everybody's got the same idea and everybody's doing the same fucking thing that you're doing. And by the way, we can just make our own.

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Conan doesn't age. Good docs are good genes. Question mark. Yeah, you're right about that. Conan doesn't age.

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Why would we buy yours? We can just make our own. We already have all the facilities and everything to do it. It's a really, really retail is a really, really tough business to get into. But then soda drinks or energy drinks or waters. Forget about it. That's really tough. But since we are such notable podcasters, I mean, we're like number 106 on the comedy charts.

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So since we're like number 106 on the comedy charts, I think we could sell a case or two of this blue colloidal silver. Energy slash COVID vaccine slash drink and I'll get you sober before you get drunk kind of drink. It's a magical drink. It fixes everything. And it's endorsed by RFK Jr. That's all I got to say. What else do you need? Yeah. By the way.

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Not going to talk too much politics here, but you notice that RFK Jr. is singing a new tune about the measles vaccine. Yeah, he's realizing that under his watch, he doesn't want millions of people to die. So he's like, about that measles vaccine.

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That's very scary. It's scary.

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I don't know.

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Yeah, I got one like 10 years ago, I think. I think I got one about a decade ago. Okay. When I turned a certain age, when I turned 20 about a decade ago, I...

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I did get an update. I got like tetanus.

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I got tetanus and an MMR shot, I think. Measles, mumps, and rubella.

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That's all we need is rubella to come back.

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Measles is like chicken pox on fire.

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Yeah, you do not want the measles.

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Your brain swells. You get super fevers.

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Yeah, his first television show, of course, came on, was it, was he on NBC? Did he come on after the late 90s? Yeah, he came on after The Tonight Show, I think is what it was. But Conan O'Brien, you know, from moment one, was a very skilled comedian and a comedic writer. Oh, he's really funny. He's self-effacing. He never takes himself too seriously. He's humble in the face of all successes.

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No, it stays with your body the entire time. It's just like the chickenpox virus. It stays in you dormant, ready to come alive at the next, you know, shitty, stressful period in your life and attack you. It's not a good thing. And, you know, it can morph. It can mutate. And that's why in the last hundred years or whenever they've started the measles vaccine, there have been few, if any, mutations.

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Fatal cases of the measles. And now there have been six in a short period of time. And, you know, I think, listen. People can be wrong and then they can be right. And you got to applaud them when they're right. Right. And so I do applaud the fact that RFK has come out and said, take the measles vaccine. It does save lives. I can applaud that. But I mean, the damage is already done.

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There's like 168 people in Texas that have the fucking measles and most of them are children. And it's like, like some of my kids do not have their full course of vaccinations yet. And I, just sharing that I firmly believe in the science. And every other doctor that I've talked to has said so.

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The only people who have cautioned me against vaccines are people who don't wear shoes and smell like a dirty rat. Do you know what I'm saying? They're still looking for their career path at 67 years old. And that seems to be following fish in a van. So listen, whatever it is you personally choose to do, do it. That's fine.

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But also there is this community aspect that is to be considered that if it if the measles mutates and becomes something we're not vaccinated against most of us, then it becomes a real shit show. And I think that is the concern now. It's like, yeah, yeah. Welcome to we're all going to God. Yes, this is idiocracy live. It's happening to us live. It's fucking insane. Speaking of idiocracy.

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I'll share a personal story. I'm sharing this as a cautionary tale, and I will say this before I get started. I am not proud of the way anybody acted here, except for the innocent person involved in this, and then I'll share this. The other day, I go to pick up one of my kids from school, one of my daughters from school. And her school is in a... I didn't even want to say that.

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It's in a building that is multi-purpose. So it's not just a school. There are other things that are going on there, but it's very small. It's not a big school at all. It's probably 70 kids in the entire school. And this is not a regular school. This is like a preschool, right? So there is... you know, a decent sized parking lot there.

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And the parking lot is like every other parking lot you have ever been in in your entire life. And that is two rows on opposite sides of parking spaces. On one side behind it is the building. On the other side is a forest, a county forest. Okay? Okay. And walking trails and stuff like that. But that is also very small.

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So parking lot, two rows of parking spots, and then a lane for people to drive in. You understand what a parking lot is.

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So I go in this little traffic circle to go pick up my daughter, and then you can either go right into the parking lot, you can go out that way, or you can go left into the parking lot, and you can go that way. Two different streets, two different ways to go, and I like to go left. I could go right, but I like to go left. That's just the way that it is.

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When I am approaching the traffic circle, I notice that there are cones in the parking space. If I was to take that left, there are cones in those parking spaces. And I can see at the corner of the parking lot near the exit is a tree truck. Someone is cutting down trees. Oh, okay. It's got the big, you know, grinder on the back of it.

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And there are a couple of guys over there with the yellow vests on, and I can see that they're doing some work. Fine, whatever. Okay, I guess they block off the parking spaces so that in case any tree limbs fall off. No one gets hurt. Or they need the room to navigate. I don't know. I don't care. I don't think much of it.

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So as I pick up my daughter around the traffic circle and the middle of the parking lot, and then I go to the left, I'm driving by where the cones are, and there is a guy that's picking up one of the cones from one of the parking spaces. I've got my windows down. It's a nice day. As I'm driving by him, he whips around. whips the cone at my car and screams obscenely.

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And then when he got fired from The Tonight Show, he took over The Tonight Show for two minutes. And then when he took over The Tonight Show, he became an international superstar. Yeah.

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Now, listen, I'm not throwing stones in a glass house. I do not have the... I am not exactly the picture of vocabulary. I often use cuss words in my daily life, and I don't shy away from doing that around my children either. I think they need to understand how real people talk. I think we were talking about this with Kathleen Madigan, who will be on next week. So he goes...

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Motherfucker, did you not fucking see I'm putting fucking cones here? He's screaming at me. He's got a hard hat on. He's probably 20 something years old, long hair, long beard, you know, screaming at me. Windows are down. Daughter's in the car seat in the back. And I was like, no, I did not. And I was like, fuck you, right? Because now I'm pissed. He's thrown a cone at the car.

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He's screaming obscenities while my daughter is in the back. That's a scary thing probably for a little kid. But it's also scary for me because I don't know what this guy's intentions are. You know, I see that you have the yellow vest on. I understand that you're upset, but I don't know what about. I don't see you putting cones anywhere where I'm not supposed to be driving. The lane is clear.

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That's where I'm going. And so he runs around the car to the side of my car, grabs on the inside of the car, and is screaming at me through the window. Do you not fucking see I'm fucking blocking this lane here? Can you not fucking see that? And I drove. I just drove. That's what I did. I just said, nope, not even staying here for this. I am driving.

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Not because The Tonight Show did well. It did not do well under him. But because he got fired in such an unceremonious way, and then that pompous jack-off, Jay Leno, came back after he promised he was retiring, came back for another 10 years.

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But as I am driving forward, another young guy, they're like twins, right? But long hair, long beard, the whole hard hat, yellow vest, the whole nine yards on jumps from. So now I'm driving toward the exit and there is a guy there sitting near the truck and he runs out into the middle of the road and throws his hands up. Really? Yes. And now he's screaming at me.

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There's a fucking tree coming fucking down the fuck you think you're doing, you fucking asshole. And I'm like, I don't fucking care. That's what I said to him. I don't fucking care. And I drove and he now both of them, by the way, now the other guy has run up to the car. So now there's two guys standing there screaming profanities into my window. And I say, I don't fucking care. I'm going home.

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That's what I said. And I drove and I drove out of the parking lot. There was no tree down. There was, you know, it was they were feet, you know, 50 feet away from anything that I didn't see any work being done in the middle of the road. I wasn't endangering anybody's life, including myself or my daughters.

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Had I thought that as embarrassing as it would have been, I would have backed up and gone the other way. But that was not happening. There was no tree. There were no tree limbs. There was no I don't even those guys weren't even working. They were sitting there yelling at me. It's like, what are you doing? So I drove as fast as I could, and I sped out of the parking lot.

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And as I sped out of the parking lot, I'm like, holy shit, because I'm sure some of the parents saw that, right? They had to have. It's not that far from where the traffic circle is, number one. Number two, I probably could have reacted a little bit differently. Maybe cooler heads could have prevailed. Maybe I could have said, there were no cones blocking the area.

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But maybe I could have said, hey, do me a favor. Stand behind my car while I run over you real quick. And then we'll make sure everything's okay. Second of all, it's not a police officer. It's not like this guy has some measure of control over what happens. And there's clearly no present danger in front of me.

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So if he was going to put cones in the lane so that people couldn't drive there, he hadn't yet done that. He was in the process. But it didn't look like that to me. It looked like he was picking up cones from the parking spaces. And he didn't need to scream obscenities.

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Yeah, that made me... I was never the biggest Jay Leno fan, but that kind of sealed it for me. I was like, that's a really shitty thing to do to your quote-unquote friend. But I don't think Jay Leno's friends with anybody. I think Jay Leno's friends with Jay Leno. Do you know what I'm saying?

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You can see my daughter in the back seat because the windows are down. Like, I can see that. I know that you can see this. And screaming and yelling like a fool is not helping anybody. The guy simply could have put his hand up. Right. And just said, hey, bro, listen, there's a tree being cut down there. Can you back up for me? Right.

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Now, I also could have just backed up and turned around, but I just felt like I just in the moment adrenaline took over.

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Like, that's a little much.

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Yeah. It's like everybody is so on fucking edge all the time that it's really... It really is a scary time to be alive, right? This guy was so on edge about someone driving past him that he was willing to put people in danger, including himself, in order to get his point across. But what was the point? The point was what? You know, there was no tree down. There was... If you really...

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thought that people were in danger, you should have put the cones on there long before you decided to cut any trees down. Do you know what I'm saying?

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Yeah, it's pickup time. It's pickup time at school. Yeah, let's not cut down trees. Anyway, I'll talk more about it. Let's take a short break and then we'll get back.

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So I say all this to say that I think Conan is uniquely suited, like Jimmy Kimmel, to handle the Oscars or something like the Oscars, an award show that really needs someone who can bounce it along, keep it on time, tell jokes in between, improv when necessary, when he sees things happening, do it on the fly and move to the next one.

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Yeah, so there's my Tuesday afternoon. Okay. There's my Tuesday afternoon. Yeah, it was... And then it kind of, like, it stuck with me for the rest of the day. Of course it did. Right? I'm replaying it in my head. Yes. My daughter is scared. She didn't, like, say a word to the attire right home. Yeah. And I was like, listen, honey, this is a little hard to explain.

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But I drove by those guys asking me to stop because I didn't want to get into any more of an argument with them. And I'm sorry that you had to see that. And even Daddy probably could have been a little... A little cooler head. Like 99% of the time, I'm really not that guy. Like I don't go around yelling at people. I'm actually quite the opposite if you find me in real life.

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I'm just kind of – I'm not quiet, but I certainly wouldn't be the guy yelling in the middle of a grocery store or something like that. But, man, it just all happened so quickly. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I got nervous that my daughter was in the back. I didn't like the fact that the guys were in my car yelling at me, essentially.

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And I quickly recognized that they are no state authority that I have to listen to. Get out of here, right? Right. Get out of here before it escalates and someone says or does something stupid that you can't take back. I mean, whipping a cone in the car, it's a pretty extreme measure to take. Really?

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It really is.

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Over your tree job. You know what I'm saying? Not that tree job isn't cool. It's cool. Tree job. I've had whatever. Tree guys are tree guys. But it just seemed a little hot-headed for the moment.

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Yes, he whipped it right at the bumper. And I was like, wow. What just happened? Anyway, that was my Tuesday afternoon, Chrissy. The world is on fire. Everyone needs to take a breath. Rev down. Rev down. Everybody rev down. Hey, tree guy, if you're listening... I could have handled it better, but you could have also. We all could have handled that a little bit better.

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And especially around the children.

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The second guy came to his defense. He literally popped out of nowhere and he had his hands up with that yellow thing. And I thought for a second.

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Absolutely. If you're cutting down trees and you're concerned about cars getting hit, don't even allow that lane to be open. Close it down. And it wasn't closed. I didn't run over any cones. There was no tape or cones or anything in front of me. I was driving on a clear lane, which anybody would have done because the part that was closed off were the parking spaces, not the lane. Yeah.

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If you needed that lane clear for the work that you're going to do for safety purposes, insurance reasons, whatever, do it like 40 minutes before you intend to cut down any trees. That's the first action you should have taken. But no, you thought whipping cones at cars would be a better way to stop them from getting around the danger. I don't know. I'm just sharing that with you.

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So, tree guy, if you're listening, tree company. We all could have handled that better. I think that's clear. OK. All right. All right. Enough. Speaking of, you know, let's all rev down. Casey Anthony is back. Did you see this?

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But it doesn't matter because the Oscars is a snore fest no matter what.

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She is legal. Legal. Legal analyst. Yeah. A legal analyst because you've been encased in the judicial system for years of your life. Listen, Casey Anthony popped on TikTok and I don't think she's had social media ever. OK, so or maybe certainly not since, you know, Kaylee Anthony went missing and then was found dead in the trunk of a car.

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Her daughter, Casey Anthony, comes on TikTok and shares that she has been in the legal field, quote unquote. for 20 plus years and that she is going to now be a legal advocate for those that are missing or murdered, young children that are missing or murdered, including her daughter. Hey, here's a little advocacy work on behalf of your daughter. Don't kill her in the first place. Unbelievable.

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Is Casey Anthony like the last person we really need to come – trouncing into this shit show that we already have. I'm being dead serious. Please do not give this lady any breath of air into her social media. There are going to be lots of people who buy into this bullshit, but I got to be honest.

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When I saw this TikTok pop up, it was somebody else's reel that they were showing, basically saying the same thing that I'm saying. I was like, no way. Did Casey Anthony just talk to the camera and say she's going to become a legal advocate for children in trouble? I mean, this girl was out partying while her daughter was missing for 31 days until she called 911. That's unbelievable.

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That's like the worst parent ever. And now she's going to be a legal advocate for kids? Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Casey Anthony was like... Remember that trial? It was like the O.J. Simpson trial of the 2000s.

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Everybody had their eyes on that Casey Anthony trial because it was just such a weird thing that happened. Casey Anthony... Claims that she left her daughter with some nanny, a Mexican lady. She left her with a nanny while she went out partying with the guy that she was dating for a couple of days. And then she came back and the nanny said she didn't know where her daughter was.

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Well, it turns out that she was in the trunk of a car the entire time, and then she was buried outside in a plot of land not too far from her parents' house. And then her parents were strangely, like, defending but not defending her. Her dad was supposedly, may have covered some of this stuff up. I mean, the details of the trial are just horrific.

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Oh, he was? I must have taken a pee break during that because I think I watched most of it, but I don't remember Ben Stiller.

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And a guy that's having children, I can't understand for the life of me how 31 days passes before you notify the authorities that your daughter is gone. That's insane to me. But that's what happened. And why anybody would ever take legal advice from Casey Anthony is beyond me. It's beyond me. Why she would have the audacity to think that anybody would want to accept that advice.

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I hope this is playing just like it's playing for me. And that is what a terrible fucking idea. But you know what, Chrissy? There is a dum-dum born every second. There are a lot of people on this earth, and most of them are not well. And some people will follow Casey Anthony, thinking that she's innocent. Some people may not even know who she is.

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And she will have her moment in the sunlight. And that's the part that drives me crazy. Just like that OJ Funkin' Simpson. OJ Funkin' Simpson! I watched another documentary on him.

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I am so... Yeah. wrapped up and ensconced in nothing but the O.J. Simpson trial, right? And just like everybody else on earth at the time, we were all big fans of The Naked Gun and all the movies that he was in. You know, everybody loved O.J. Simpson. And then to think for a second that he would essentially brutally murder these two people was a crazy idea at first.

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Speaking of Ben Stiller, Ben Stiller's show Severance has now become the most watched streamed television show ever. Something like, you know, 539 million minutes of streaming watched or something. So 97% Rotten Tomatoes score. A lot of people don't like it, but I do. I think it's very good.

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Then the slow chase and then all the drama and then the trial and the backdrop of the rodney king and it's like it's a very weird period of time in american history pop culture certainly but that oj simpson went twiddling away free as a bird and he couldn't even keep himself out of trouble for like more than 15 minutes he got arrested again Yes, for like kidnapping.

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He brought a gun to get some of his signed helmets back. I mean, OJ, honestly, if I had one piece of advice for OJ, if I'm a friend of OJ's, it's like, dude, God just kissed you on the forehead. Never even think about jaywalking again. Don't even think about it. Go to the golf course. Make new friends. Live your life. Be a good citizen. Never get in the crosshairs of anything legal again.

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And yet he tempted fate over and over and over again. He did that. Remember Fox bought that If I Did It documentary? He wrote a book. OJ Ballsy, Ballsy OJ, wrote a book called If I Did It. And then he wrote how he would do it if he did it, if he murdered his wife and Ron Goldman. And the crazy part was that it didn't matter because he was acquitted. So no one could say anything to him.

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And he just pretended like if I had done it, this is how I would do it. And then Fox bought a documentary that had O.J. talking about how he would do it if he did it so that they could put it on there. Fox, a bastion of class and taste. Ah, Fox. When I think about class and taste, I think about Fox. That's what I think about. All right. Well, listen, we're going to be back tomorrow. Fear not.

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Well, I'm not going back to that parking lot for a couple of weeks. I really thought some of the parents might start texting Astrid because Astrid knows a lot of the parents and be like, what just happened? Why was your husband in the parking lot screeching away? I got so nervous. And Astrid was like, who fucking cares? What? No one cares. You know, whatever. It's just a thing. It happened.

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And I'm like, yeah, but I don't know. It felt bad to me.

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Right.

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It felt like an exchange of negative energy in a way that I usually don't navigate in the world. So I got... Kind of upset about the whole situation.

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Yeah. But, you know, what are you going to do? I apologize to the tree guy for driving around you. So now you can apologize to me for being an asshole. You're probably like that all the time. Yeah. You're probably a jerk off most of the time. No, I'm kidding. I don't. Probably. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3TCB.

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Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, you can text them there or you can go one step further. Rev down. Leave us a message. Tell us your crazy story that happened to you today. And then maybe, maybe, just maybe, we'll review that on a future episode.

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Also, if you would like to be on the commercial break as a guest, you got something interesting to say, you just want to join the show, you want to say hello to us, text us or call us and leave us a message and let us know. And then someone will get in touch with you if we find you suitable for the show. And by suitable, I mean you are breathing.

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You can talk and you can breathe and you've got a good cell phone connection. We're going to start taking listener phone calls, Chrissy, if you don't mind, if that's okay with you.

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What else? TCBpodcast.com. All the audio, all the video, more information about Chrissy and I. You can also get your free TCB swag right there on the website. There's a drop-down menu that says I want my free sticker. If you leave us your physical address, we'll send you something. No muss, no fuss. We don't even keep your email addresses. That's how dumb we are.

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Yeah, you have to know what the next one is. It's so hard to wait. They just don't do it like that. I wish they would just dump a season on us. Dump a season on us, and then I can wait another two years for the next season. I'm okay with that. Yeah. If they can move the production along a little faster, that would be great. But I also understand it must be very hard to write this show.

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At The Commercial Break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and all the episodes on video the same day they air here on audio at youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

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But I'll tell you that I love you.

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Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye. Goodbye.

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There's a lot of loose ends. You've got to wrap up. They don't want to make it. And then to film it.

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It is like a puzzle. Anyway, we've talked enough about Severance. I'm a Cuck for Severance here on the show. Yes. But, you know, I thought Conan did just a fine job. I think the Oscars is a snooze fest. I think it's really just become kind of a boring, you know, jack off show. And so let's talk about it just for this segment. And then we're going to we're going to move on.

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You didn't watch the whole thing, did you?

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So there are two moments of the show that I think were very interesting, and that was Conan's beginning monologue, kind of the first 15 minutes of the show. They did like a very nice tribute to L.A. and moviemaking and to the people who suffered horrible things during the wildfires over there in L.A.

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and the firefighters who, of course, were very brave and went in there and tried to save people's homes and businesses. Yeah. So that was very nice. And then there had been a lot of talk. And, of course, it came true that Ariana Grande teamed up with, oh, God, now I can't remember her.

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Cynthia Erivo. Yeah, Cynthia Erivo. Cynthia Erivo. They teamed up to do their whole wicked thing. So Ariana Grande came out, and she sang Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Mm-hmm. I noticed that she was lip syncing somewhere over the rainbow. Now, I would imagine this has something to do with maybe her voice wasn't in great shape. Maybe she wasn't feeling good, something along those lines.

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But I noticed that the music, the actual backing track and her lips were not 100 percent aligned. The cameras did not show close ups when she was moving her lips in while she was doing the lyrics. But then I also noticed when Cynthia came out to do the Wicked song, you know, Defying Gravity, that she was singing. It appeared that she was singing. You could hear the breaths.

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You could hear the lips. You could see that Ariana was singing.

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It is my favorite pastime. I love to determine whether or not someone is lip syncing, and I like to call it out. Now... I don't have any problem with it because it's the Oscars, and you don't want to fall flat on your face during the Oscars, especially if you have a cold. Listen, this is coming from the former singer of 33 Penis, okay? I'm not saying that I could do a better job.

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I'm just sharing with you that that's what I observed. I observed that she was lip-syncing during Somewhere Over the Rainbow and not during Defying Gravity. So Cynthia comes out. It's mainly a Cynthia song, that Defying Gravity. There's a few lines for Ariana. She fucking nailed it. I mean, 100% chills up your spine, nailed that song, every note of it.

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And that to me, I'm convinced she's that girl has got a voice. Such a tiny little frame and such a huge voice comes out of it. I will share. Well, no, I'm not going to share that because then I'm going to get to comments and stuff like that. Brian, should you?

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This is one of those moments where Brian goes, should you or will you regret this 10 days from now when you have a list of text messages beating you up about what you just said? Okay, I'm not going to share it. Never mind. You make your own judgment calls. But Cynthia has an amazing voice. She brought the house down. Everybody's standing up.

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And I thought to myself, okay, this is a great start to the Oscars. Let's keep it going as my children are screaming. My children are doing their own version of Defying Gravity in the background.

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But then, honestly, it just became a snooze fest. It was, you know, award after award. The presentation style was not particularly interesting. Conan did not... He was not on camera enough, I think, to make a super impact on what happened. He showed up for a few seconds, made a one-liner, and then went away, introducing the next people who were introducing... The next category.

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And that, the way that they did it this year, for those of you that didn't watch, and most of you didn't watch, apparently due to the, because I looked at the ratings, they, five people, best cinematography, five people nominated, five people came out on stage, and then they would talk a little bit about that cinematographer. Hmm.

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but they wouldn't show the work that they were talking about enough for you to get an idea of what they actually did. That's right. So how the fuck am I supposed to make a snap judgment about who's supposed to win? Isn't that the fun of the award shows is like, I have no fucking clue what they're talking about.

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I didn't see the movie, but if you show me 15 seconds of the cinematography work, then maybe I can make a snap judgment and be a Monday morning quarterback. That's what we all

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like to do but they didn't give us a chance to do that because somebody yapping about them and I don't care I want to see the work if you're gonna do best costume let's see the costumes let's not sure please what I don't understand it was a gimmick it was a gig it was a gag and I I'm not sure it worked to great effect that's my personal opinion but But then all the winners came up.

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They did their little spiel. Kieran Culkin, I thought, gave a great speech. Did you see Kieran Culkin's speech? No. Okay. So I'm going to talk to myself. Kieran Culkin.

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Yeah. If they had two kids, they were going to have a third if he won one award. When he won that third award, the third kid award, she said to him out in the parking lot because he had always wanted four kids. She said to him, you win an Oscar and I'll give you the fourth kid. And he said the fourth kid. Oh, they've already got three? Yeah.

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So he goes, ye of little faith, we're getting working on the fourth kid, which I thought was a very cute shout out. It was a very cute anecdote that he said. And I didn't see the movie that Karen was in, but I don't care.

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What's that movie? Is it Jesse Eisenberg? What's it called? I Am Mine or You Are Yours?

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Oh, okay. I'm going to watch it when I have time. Astrid and I had the best of intentions. The best of intentions to at least watch two of the 50.

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No, I don't care about Love is Blind anymore. I'm done with it. I don't give a shit. It's too boring. This year, it's just too boring. The Midwesterners are not bringing the heat, and I'm not all that interested in it. I understand that there's some drama going on behind the scenes, but it's more interesting to read about it on social media than it is to watch it on the actual show. There you go.

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I know we'll finish it at some point, but we're just like, eh, okay. We were going to make an effort to watch at least two of the 50 best motion picture. We're going to watch Anora and we're going to watch Conclave. We're going to watch those two.

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We have not gotten to either of them.

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So many people are like, this movie is life-changing. And I'm like, life-changing? Really? I saw Amy Schumer doing a shout-out to the Onora cast. Really? And she was like, this movie was life-changing. Life-changing in every way. And I'm like, that's a big statement to make about a movie. And we've all seen those movies, for us, personally, that have changed our lives.

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Mine is Pink Floyd, The Wall, because I was high on acid. But anyway, so, you know, it's... I get it, but was it really that good? It only made $15 million at the box office.

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You know, so Mikey Madsen wins for Best Actress and she beats out Demi Moore.

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I think Mikey is the safe choice for the Academy.

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Okay.

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Here's my take, and you tell me. That... Substance is, in some ways, a... It's grotesque and weird movie. It's a weird character that Demi Moore is playing. It's not like a traditional Oscar winning role. It's not a traditional Oscar winning movie. But it was a very good movie. And she was very good in it. But I think the Academy, who is now a little bit younger in age, right?

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Listen, if we were in the wine cooler business, that's where it's at. We're going to do a merch drop. I'm not even going to say when because then it will never happen. But we're going to do a merch drop and like Astor and I are talking about it. And now I'm thinking wine coolers. Why not? Wine coolers. Let's drop wine coolers and then some weird hangover remedy made of beet juice.

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They've kind of changed a number of years ago. They kind of, you know, put out the old and brought in the new. that maybe that particular performance is a hard one to move, like to check the box of. And they go, oh, well, Mikey was really good. My opinion is that Demi Moore's role that she played was maybe not like an Oscar type of, it's not a traditional Oscar movie.

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It's a weird French film about people crawling out of their skin. Isn't that essentially what it is? No. Isn't it about a substance that she takes?

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Coming out of her body, right? It's like crawling out of her own skin, right? So, but let me ask you this, like you saw a Nora and you saw a substance, which one was the more Which one was, in your opinion, was the better performance?

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I think that's the point I'm making. I don't know that the shock value of the performance outweighs Mikey playing kind of this vulnerable, edgy, sharp sex worker.

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Yeah.

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No, listen, I mean, you know, to each their own. There you go. And Demi Moore.

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To be Demi Moore for just a moment, and that moment to be sitting at the Oscars after, I don't know, 300 years of acting or however long she's been doing it, from Bruce Springsteen videos to the Friends to being kind of called like, you know, a bit of a popcorn actress, I would say, like someone who doesn't, who can't do serious roles.

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She's just kind of one of these, you know, light on their feet, comedic actresses who did Friends. What other performance has Demi Moore done that has gotten such notoriety in such a meaningful way as far as a dramatic actress is concerned?

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She's been in a lot of stuff.

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performance wasn't the best of the night. But give her the due respect.

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She can see you. Sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up. Did you see it was like a guy with a cowboy hat that was like walking around talking to people? It's like, dude, take your hat off. First of all, you're in the shot. Second of all, shut up. Let the girl sing for fucking sake. This isn't like... Mix and mingle time. Yeah, this isn't the Roxy on the L.A. Strip on a Thursday night.

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Give the girl some respect, for sure. But that was happening during other performances, too.

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Those producers at CBS need to get those people under control. You need help next year, you let me know. I am as fussy as they come when I need to be, and I will go talk to anybody. I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit who it is. Taylor Swift, Elton John, I don't give a shit. I'll tell them to sit down and shut up. Pass the cocaine to me, please.

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So I can get on with my job in a more anxious way.

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Yeah, I did notice that there was a lot of yammering going on while people were... Yeah, rude. The one shot of the night that really got me pissed, I will say this, is they cut to Will Smith at some point. Will Smith with that stupid fucking smile on his face. I have never been a huge Will Smith fan. I'm not a huge fan of anything of his acting. It's just not for me.

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Oh, Bianca was all aglow at the... that she did not even get invited to, apparently. This is crazy. So you had to have heard about this listener out there in the audience.

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I have nothing personal against the guy. I'm not like, oh, he's an asshole. But then he kind of became an asshole when he hit Chris Rock.

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Right, right.

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What is going on with those kids?

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Yeah. What did that mean? I don't know if you got this, but we were texting last night. And I said, he's just scared of getting slapped by his dad, so he put a house on his head.

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I have no fucking clue, but when your dad's running around smacking the most famous comedian that's ever lived, I mean, you're gonna have a... It's going to be a hard childhood regardless. Those kids grew up in such a bubble that they don't understand. Why did he put a castle on his head? I have no clue. I don't know if that was like a message. Is it his new album, Castle?

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Check out my new album, Castle.

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I have no idea, but it really was pretty dumb. I mean, listen, I get it. You're taking chances. You're trying to get some PR. I don't know that Jaden Smith would have gotten as much attention had he not had a castle on his head. But let's make the assumption that he did this just like Bianca went nude because they wanted to get all the photogs flashing.

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He did that, but not in any kind of meaningful way. What conversation does that start? Chrissy and the group are just left confused about why there's a house on somebody's head. It doesn't make any sense.

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Yes. If you're going to go... In my opinion, if you're going to go fashion forward, right, let there be something left to the imagination and let there be a storyline to what you're wearing. This piece was created by. This is because I'm doing this. This is in celebration of the firefighters. Something along the lines of I've got a story to tell.

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But Yee and Bianca showed up to the Grammys, to which they were not invited. They had no invitation to go. But who in their right mind is going to tell him? Who on the red carpet is going to turn Yee away when he shows up with Bianca? Of course, they're going to be let in, and the producers are going to quickly scramble to get him a chair because he is PR gold.

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Now, admittedly, I did not hear the story about Jaden Smith. I don't think anybody bothered to ask. I think people were like, Will Smith's your dad.

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There you go. You get a pass and you get a pass. But like, you know, let's let there has it has to make some kind of sense, like the realm of reality. You put Mr. Rogers Toy Castle on your head. It doesn't make much sense. At least, Bianca, we know what we know what the story is. Sex sells. I need photographers. Kanye desperately needs to stay in this in the limelight desperately.

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So now he's got Bianca doing his bidding for him. Do you think she's under some kind of duress?

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Showing your vag? Yeah.

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I mean, listen, let's roll this back just for one second, not get too, you know, 40-somethings about this. There are plenty of people who go naked for fame and money. Plenty of people. Plenty of people do it for work as a legitimate job. Plenty of people take it a lot further than just walking down the red carpet. Oh, yeah. And I don't argue with anybody's.

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anybody's ability or freedom to do exactly what they want. I just think there's a time and a place for certain things. And I'm not sure that the Grammys, like I was watching the Grammys when I was like nine, I was so interested in music. I was watching when I was eight or nine years old with some kind of intent, right? I wanted to watch the Grammys. There's children watching.

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There's no point to you being naked. It's just causing a stir. And I don't understand why you had to go like full vag. Leave something to the imagination.

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No, you'd get arrested.

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But I'd like to see you try, Chrissy. I'd like to see you try. We should get Jeff in like a pimp jacket and get you in one of those Bianca dresses.

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Oh, he can wear his chef apron? Bare assed chef apron. Chrissy, fur coat, walking down Peachtree Street. And let's see how many people we can get to take a picture of you. Let's see how quickly that gets a TMZ for sure. Hey, listen, as they say, any PR is good PR. And Chrissy, we just need you to do this just this once. Okay.

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And don't worry, because once people have seen it, there's, you know, that's it. Once it's been seen, what does it really matter at the end of the day? If someone took a picture of my micropenis and put it all over the internet, well, it's out there. Why not show it again? Then we can feel free for you to do the show completely naked. Yes. I'm going to make you do it.

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I don't know if she's under some kind of duress, but it does seem a bit, the whole situation seems a bit weird. So my belief is either they are both in their own little world, knowing that they are trolling people and feeling some kind of way about the art of it, like the actual experience of it. They're making a statement that we just don't understand or that we don't care about.

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Or Yi is convincing her to do this, and he is holding money and fame as kind of a negotiating tool in that relationship. Or then there's the worst case scenario, which is just she's kind of like, you know, under his thumb. I don't know. Either way, it's got us talking. It does. That was the point. There you go. All right. So let's talk more about more stuff after we take a break. We'll be back.

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But what they didn't expect is that halfway down the red carpet, Bianca would undress. And when I say undress, I mean the full fucking Monty. Yeah. At around 8.05 p.m. I will remember this for the rest of my life. Where were you when your wife texted the first picture of a naked woman, not herself? I was in my studio.

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Yep. Hey, hey, hey, we're back. Yip, yip, yippers. Yip, yip, yip, yippers. Hey, I wanted to say a couple of things real quick about the Grammys before we get off the topic. Did you see that girl, Rae, who sang? Yes. The British lady? Yes. Oh, my God. Where did she come from?

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It's like Amy Winehouse meets Adele meets somebody else or other. She was, that voice was stunning. Beautiful. Loved it. I'm going to get into it. If I can remember, I will definitely play her music. If my old man brain can remember to do that. I actually wrote a note. I said, oh, check her out. She's really good. Where did she come from?

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I don't know. She was amazing. So there you go. Okay. One more show related thing. So at the beginning of today's episode, you may have heard somebody left a voicemail for us. If you would like your voice to be on the commercial break, leave us a voicemail, 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. If you leave us a short voicemail, say hello, say goodbye, tell me what a jerk off I am. I deserve it. It's okay.

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Go ahead and do that, and you may hear your voice at the beginning of the commercial break. Just a little thing that I thought we would do, Chrissy. I love that. For all of those wonderful people, most of which text in. I think they're afraid to use their real voice sometimes. On the commercial break, we spent an entire episode talking about how embarrassed we were about our own podcast.

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So I can only imagine how other people feel about it. I don't know.

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We'll review some of those reviews later on in the week. And yeah, there's many, many good reviews. And then there's a few. Obviously, there are going to be detractors.

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Who takes the time to write a negative review about a podcast? I mean, I get it 100%.

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You have to really dislike what we're doing in order to take the time to go to Apple and write a negative review.

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I guess they think they're being helpful to other people. But why don't you just let other people find out how awful we are on their own? Please? Can't you do that to all of our naysayers? And I would bet you dollars to donuts that some of those people who dislike the show so much are probably listening just as much as the people who really like the show.

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I hate listening to a few podcasts. I'm not going to say who, but I hate listening to a few podcasts, including our own, actually. I listen to it. My kids want to listen to the show now in the car. They want to listen to the show in the car because their mom, sometimes on the way to school, she'll put on the show just to hear, you know, their commercials as they're edited, right?

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She did. She sent it out to the group. Rolling Stone. The Instagram for Rolling Stone sent out those pictures unedited. No censor whatsoever. So at least for a period of time, her vagina and her boobs were just hanging out on the Rolling Stone IG. Who made that editorial decision? I'm wondering, what did Rolling Stone decide? Her vagina was newsworthy enough to not put a black box down there?

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She's like kind of like a fifth set of ears on the editing process, right? And so sometimes she'll put it on in the car. And I think to myself, why are you doing that? This show is terrible for... I mean, it's like the last thing you would want to put on for each other. That's going to bring up a lot of questions. It's going to bring up a lot of trauma is what's going to happen.

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Those kids are going to be in... Those kids are going to be in therapy forever. Do we know the porn star Bonnie Blue? I do not. Okay. Bonnie Blue is the young lady who about three months ago... Did, did, literally did 100 guys in 24 hours. Oh, that one, yeah. You remember this?

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Bonnie Blue, OnlyFans star, many hundreds of thousands of dollars every month worth of subscription cash that she gets. So she's one of the more popular creators on OnlyFans. And she has been talking about this for a number of years, how she would like to have sex with multiple men in a day, that that's something she wanted to break some records.

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It's just like a personal achievement she wanted to do. I'm sure it doesn't hurt the OnlyFans cash either. Yeah. And about three months ago, she did 100 men in a day. So she made an open casting call. If you are between this age and this age, if you are single, if you have a test, I guess it's probably one of the prerequisites. I would hope so. I hope so, too. You know, you must wear protection.

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You're going to get a couple of minutes with me, blah, blah, blah. So she did it. She rented a house in England, like a brownstone in England. Yeah.

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I know. I wasn't expecting London either. I mean, imagine the line of guys waiting outside, fluffing themselves up. What are the neighbors thinking? Yeah. And by the way, whoever owns that Airbnb, I sure as shit hope you got it cleaned, man. That is like...

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No throwing DNA all over my roof, all over my ceilings. That's intense. There was a famous YouTube creator who followed her around for that day, making a rather kind of like a serious look at what was going on. She allowed this. Not during the actual, like, act of having sex with these guys, but before and after. And...

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she seems like a rather smart, intelligent human being who is just, you know, made some personal goal for stuff kind of like the 28 days of TCB, like let's do it and let's see if we can get through it. Do you know what I'm saying? So she's rather sweet and intelligent, very beautiful, a young lady, very young.

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And, but afterwards, after this is all over the guy who, and I wanted to review this here on the commercial break, but I don't, I think I would feel bad about taking the views away from the guy who actually made this documentary. So if you want to go Google Bonnie Blue on YouTube or you want to search on YouTube, I'm sure that that documentary will be one of the first that comes up.

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It's got a couple million views. But afterwards, she seems very emotionally distraught.

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She's doing a lot of crying. She's saying, you know, it wasn't that bad and I don't feel all that bad, but emotionally and physically, I just think I went numb at some point. Mm-hmm. So a couple of days ago, she followed through on her promise to do 1,000 guys in a day. And she did 1,059 guys in a day. She screwed. 1,059 guys in a day. I don't even know how you physically accomplish that.

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How do you get that done? What is that? I can see Tina's doing the same math that I'm doing here. It's 1,059 divided by 24. How many minutes 44 in an hour that's about one a minute that is intense that is insane yeah Let me read the... Just a quick in and out. What's that?

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How do you do anything else but have a quick in and out? One minute. I mean, I guess you just got to be, the guy's got to be ready to go. There's no dilly-dallying. You got to fluff yourself before you get into the room.

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Definitely no foreplay. No afterplay. No cigarette. You are just going in, knocking it out as quick as you have ever knocked it out before. And even a minute is a little quick for it. It's even a little quick for me.

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Yeah, that's got to be intense. I don't know what drives somebody to do something like this. I'm sure she wants to get in the record books. I'm sure there's, if this is your job, it's a stunt that helps get attention for what you do. I am sure that she sold a million subscriptions to get this done in 24 hours. But just like the physical and emotional toll this must take on you is just insane.

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It was pretty newsworthy. I got to say, what else is there? What do we have left?

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I haven't had sex with, I mean, I haven't probably had sex a thousand times in my life, in my entire life. I haven't had sex and I've only had sex with a few people. So, and I'm married for 10 years. So you would think that I probably would have gotten close to a thousand. I bet I haven't gotten anywhere close to a thousand.

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That's insane to do that in 24 hours.

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It is hard to think about. What do you think like the average, how many times do you think the average person has sex in a lifetime? Like not sex with partners, but sex just in general.

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Yeah, the act. Let me ask Google AI. That's got to be a wide range. How many times does the average person have sex in a lifetime? Let's see. I'm sure that AI will know this. Oh, well, never mind. 5,778 times. I am lagging far behind. Huh. Does that include myself? Does that include sex with myself? Because if it includes sex with myself, I know I'm well up over 10,000.

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Where do we go from here? There is nothing. What are we going to do? Show our gaping anuses next time we walk down the red carpet?

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You better get to it, Brian. I know, Chrissy. Well, never mind. I'm not going to make that joke.

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Well, we know I've had sex 30 times at least. So, yeah, I just thought I'd mention this because after porn star Bonnie Blue controversial 1057, excuse me. Porn star Bonnie Blue is being brutally roasted after her record-breaking sex marathon with 1057 men in 12 hours. Twelve. Twelve.

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was banned the high-profile british sex worker whose australian visa was cancelled in november after public outcry over her viral schooly stunt featuring featuring barely legal young men she had planned to make a fortune by selling the video of her sleeping with 1057 men however the explicit video has since been removed from the 25 year old's subscription site after only fans repeatedly said the x-rated clip breached its rules

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How is that?

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Is there no safe place to have sex with a thousand people in a 12-hour period? OnlyFans is a platform designed for creators who have completed our comprehensive onboarding process and choose to monetize their content, said a spokesman. To keep our community safe, OnlyFans... also verifies the age, identity, and consent of all parties featured in explicit content.

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We do not allow large numbers of OnlyFans creators to be featured on an account, even where release forms have been provided. Okay, well, there you go.

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Blue, who recorded the jaw-dropping video at a $30,000 mansion famed for hosting illegal sex parties, has previously been vocal about why she makes her controversial content, stating that she often rage baits in order to boost subscriptions and ultimately line her pocketbook. What's rage bait? Rage bait means that you, like... People dislike you. They dislike what you're doing.

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They're really angry about something. So you post in order to bait them into interacting with you. Yes. As a result, social media are having a field day pointing out that Blue's shocking sex stunt was all for nothing if she can't make money from it. Imagine doing all that work for nothing, wrote one person on Facebook. What an anti-climax, scoffed another person.

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Others have pointed out no one has seen the video. Did it even happen? Until I see the video, oh my God, guys, you're such fucking morons. You're such fucking assholes. Why are you poking this young lady? She wanted to have sex with 1,000 guys in 12 hours to raise her subscription level. Didn't work out in her favor. Why do you have to throw bleach in the wound?

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There's no designing about it. No one designed anything.

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Do I agree with having sex with 1,000 people in 12 hours? What does it fucking matter what I think? Honestly, you want to have sex with 1,000 guys? But there was some controversy that I read that maybe a couple of the guys were not of age, even though they signed the release forms. No one really knows. They're trying to get to the bottom of it.

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I'm sure the internet will snuff them out one way or the other. One dude even brought his mom with him. He needed a ride to the event, so he brought his mom. His mom waited in line with him for like three hours until she had no idea what was going on until they got up to the door and he had to sign the release form. What? Can you imagine? No! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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It's just a fishnet, yes. I'm sure Yee designed it. Probably, that's true. I'm sure it was a Yee design, right? I hate calling him Yee, by the way. Kanye, that's his fucking name, okay? Kanye. Yes. I'm sorry, but I never bought into all the Kanye hype. I never really cared for the guy. Now, I am no hip-hop expert. Let's just put that out there.

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Thank you. Thank you.

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Thank you. Thank you.

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Anyway, I am clearly a white Midwestern old man from Chicago who likes a certain flavor of hip-hop and rap, and Ye was just never my thing. Kanye was just never my thing.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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You thought so? Yeah, I was never convinced. Never convinced. But now, he has just completely gone off the rails. There is no semblance of normality.

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And I think he's trying to troll us all, but the joke, I think, is not funny anymore.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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It's just stupid. That woman looks like a fucking hostage. And I'm sorry, if it's her choice to be out on the red carpet, completely naked, then God bless her. I don't know why you would make that choice, but okay, sex, drugs, and rock and roll.

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She has been showing up topless to the Cheesecake Factory for years. Years she's been showing up. And why? I don't know. Listen, I'm all about nipple equality.

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Right? A little nipple never killed anybody.

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Like the dress had purposefully had a little bit of a cover up on the vagina. But if you zoomed in, you clearly saw that, no, that was just stubble from her pubic hair. Oh, I went that far. I went way down the rabbit hole. I tried to get in her vagina with that zoom just to make sure that I was seeing what I was seeing. And for fuck's sake, it was really a vagina. It really was.

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But this turkey thing, I think this is wonderful. And I don't know why we don't do this here in the fucking United States. We have no preventative care. Preventative care is discouraged because it costs money. And then you don't make money. They don't make money on the medicine. It is completely ass backwards. And why are we all running to Turkey to get this done?

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Shouldn't this be available here in the United States? I understand that medicine here in the United States costs money because it costs money to develop new drugs, new procedures, new things. And our doctors and surgeons, they should be paid extraordinarily well. But the insurance companies have fucked it all up for us.

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I don't disagree. I think Bianca has a lovely, beautiful body. And good for her on the beautiful body. Do we... Is the shock value of showing your vagina on the red carpet moving any kind of fashion ball forward? Or it's just there for shock?

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And now it's just so much fucking money to get anything done that you don't get preventative care. Like you had a scan recently. How long did it take you to get that approved?

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Oh, it was? Yeah. Okay, that's a bad example, but there are other examples where it takes a long time to get that kind of stuff approved. I had to get a heart scan a number of years ago. I had so much frustration with my insurer trying to get that heart scan done that was recommended by a doctor because there is a history of Widowmaker in my family.

The Commercial Break

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I was at the age where the doctor was like, you should get this done. You should go get a calcium score done, right? That's what I had done, yeah. Yes. And you know what? The insurance company spent three months going back and forth with the doctor about whether or not this was a medically necessary procedure.

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And the doctor was like, I can't call it a medically necessary procedure, but it is medically informative. We need to know if there's a problem now. Yeah, get the baseline. That's right. And he's like, you know.

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You know, we should all be getting these scans.

The Commercial Break

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Once a year. Scan me up. Once a year. Send the time you're 20. Get them done. And that way you got a baseline and you know if something changes, there's a problem. Go look into it. Motherfucker. Let's go to Turkey. If anybody out there has any connections with airlines, hotels, money... Bank accounts that have more than one zero on it.

The Commercial Break

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Ah, what's a few free tickets amongst friends?

The Commercial Break

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What's a couple million dollars in zoning bribes amongst friends? Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, Eric Adams... I don't know what he's doing up there because I'm not in New York, but he seemed like a nice guy, and then he's taking everybody's money to build three inches outside the zone. I don't know. Guys, don't do that. Do it under the table like everybody else does it.

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Jesus, you're taking free plane tickets and writing it down in your book. It's so stupid. Okay, and then there's that other guy, Bob, whatever his name was. He was putting gold bars in his closet. Gold bars in your closet.

The Commercial Break

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Yeah. Zell somebody like everybody else does. Zell. That's how you buy your drugs. Come on, Bob. Get it together. Speaking of drugs and speaking of drugs in Turkey, the most amazing thing happened and we totally forgot to talk about it. The guy who started Silk Road. Oh, yeah. Got pardoned by Trump.

The Commercial Break

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He got pardoned by Trump. Trump is a teetotaler. He has never taken a drink, smoked a cigarette, or done drugs in his life, according to him, because his brother died, a terrible alcoholic, and I think there was some other family issues around alcohol and drugs. So he has stayed away from it. Now, whatever you think of Trump, good for you, Trump.

The Commercial Break

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Yes, of course.

The Commercial Break

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If you know that's going to be problematic, then don't do it, right? I... Cannot believe that he let the guy that created Silk Road go being such a teetotaler.

The Commercial Break

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Hey, brother, let the Silk Road guy go. Yeah, there's a couple fentanyl deaths and a little bit of blood on his hands, but let him go. I don't know how I feel about this. You just started Silk Road and then people started facilitating it. I mean, you built it to facilitate drug sales.

The Commercial Break

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Mission accomplished. You got the commercial break to talk about you yet again. I'm sure that's the show of TMZ.

The Commercial Break

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Oh, I didn't know that. I didn't know Silk Road was into sex, too. I thought it was just drugs.

The Commercial Break

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Well, I mean, I didn't know you could buy sex on Silk Road. I don't know. I never went to Silk Road because, quite frankly, I am not competent enough in any computer language to figure out how to get on the dark web. I have no idea how to do that.

The Commercial Break

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Bitcoin. Yeah, if it includes Bitcoin payment, I'm not in. Yeah. I'm not in. I...

The Commercial Break

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On Silk Road? Yeah, I think so. Well, it's been so long since it's been around. Oh, Murder for Hire is probably a bad one. Sex trafficking, I agree. If it was just the drugs, I might say, all right, but if you're literally helping to facilitate Murder for Hire and children getting bought and sold, no way.

The Commercial Break

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Uh-uh, dude, you need to go to jail, spend a few years, and then come out the other end a clear, crisp, clean human being. Yeah. Start Facebook, too, like Mark Zuckerberg did. There's plenty of drugs and sex trafficking that goes on on Facebook, but they hire people to go to Washington and lobby on their behalf. That's how you play the game, dude. That's how you play the game.

The Commercial Break

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Obviously, obviously, somebody was lobbying on behalf of the dude from Silk Road, because you know that the dude from Silk Road probably has a big fucking bank account. And guess who else does? SPF. Sam Bankman. Oh, right. Yep. He's... He's getting apparently Trump and somebody else are talking about pardoning him, too.

The Commercial Break

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Oh, yeah. Everybody's talking about it. And so now here's the question. Did they get kicked out or were they asked to leave or did they just leave on their own? There's a lot of conflicting reports.

The Commercial Break

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Let all of them. Let all the criminals go. Sounds great. Let's kick out all the hardworking people. Fuck them. Let's start a trade war with everybody, and then let's let all the criminals go as long as they pay for the pardon. That sounds like a good idea. Unbelievable. Hey, Silk Road dude, by the way, I need some dibbity dabs. Tasty Tina. Tasty Tina. Send my way. I don't hate you personally.

The Commercial Break

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I don't know you personally. But it just seems like a weird thing for Trump to do is to pardon a dude who started a major drug, sex, and murder website, trafficking website.

The Commercial Break

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It is Anything Goes. It is Anything Goes. What do you think? You think that he can start Silk Road too? If he's pardoned for his crimes, does that allow him to then go and start another website?

The Commercial Break

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I don't know how a pardon works, but I think it's kind of like all-encompassing.

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If you get, if you... You're wiped clean. Yeah, if you're wiped clean once, you just get to do it again. Huh. Interesting.

The Commercial Break

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My opinion is that the producers at CBS, the people who are directing the show, quickly made the decision that Guy and Bianca could not be allowed anywhere on that floor for fear that she may try and complete the same type of stunt live on television. And then what would they do? They'd have to dump part of the show, right? Yeah. So, I don't know.

The Commercial Break

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Maybe I should start lobbying for a pardon. I don't know what I did wrong yet, but I'm sure there's something. I'm sure the commercial break is in violation of some statute somewhere. Yes, it is. All right. Okay. Well, hey, listen, at least we do the show with clothes on, Bianca.

The Commercial Break

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All right. All right. At least for now.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Yeah. Until we need to up our subscriptions on OnlyFans. We should do this show on OnlyFans. We should start an OnlyFans account. Rather than have a Patreon, we should go straight to OnlyFans. I wonder if anybody would pay for it. We've had lots of people say they would pay for a subscription. If we took the commercials out, they would pay for subscription. And I would do that.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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But it's just too difficult for me to put yet another version of this show together. So we're just going to deal with the commercials for now. Okay, guys. Plus, at any moment, you can take your subscription away. You know what I'm saying? Like, you make that promise now, but then, like, a month and a half in.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Yeah, your wife starts going, hey, we need to tighten our belt around here. This $1.99 you're paying every month for commercial break? It's got to go. I know that I'll be the first thing to go in your expenditures. I know it. No one needs the commercial break. And if I keep it free, at least you can have it. As long as I continue to do it, at least you can have it. So that's what's going to stay.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Hey, listen, if you want to be on the commercial break, call in, leave a message. 212-433-3822. 212-433-3TCB. Call in, leave us a short message, say something, say whatever the fuck you want to. Say it, keep it under a minute if you would, and then know that we may use that on a future opening or inside of the show content. Also, we'd love to hear from you. So many text messages.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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I'm talking to so many people. Astrid, everybody's talking to a lot of people. Join in the conversation. You can leave a text message, questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, 212-433-3TCB. Also, we'd love it if you would go to the website and request your free TCB sticker. Yes, we still do that. We haven't gotten a new sticker in a long time.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Aster and I were just talking about that.

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5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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New year, new sticker. Coming soon. So get in line, tcbpodcast.com. All the audio, all the video, right there from one location. If you hit the contact us button, drop down menu, I want my free sticker. You can give us your address and we'll send it to you.

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5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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At the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok and youtube.com slash the commercial break for all the episodes on video the same day they air here on the audio.

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5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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I'll tell you that I love you.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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But I do have to say, I think the most exciting thing about the Grammys was Bianca being naked.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Thank you.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

370.686

Yeah, I agree. I watched most of it. Let's review some of these just so we can get it out of the way. I thought the opening, Brittany Howard, Brad Paisley, Sheryl Crow. I liked how they focused on the fires. One of the things that I thought CBS got really right about the Grammys was allowing local businesses to have free airtime.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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And put celebrities in the commercials so they got a little bit of extra attention. My personal opinion, what a great call. Because I'm sure 30 seconds on the Grammys has got to be a million bucks. Oh, yeah. Got to be a million bucks. And I hope it moved the needle for some of those people because they desperately need it. Yeah. So they opened the show with kind of this tribute.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Oh, you missed it?

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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I have it recorded if you want to watch it. Listen, it was a lovely – they sang the song We Love L.A., which is a – who's that guy who sings all those songs about L.A.? You know, the one that does Toy Story and – do you know who I'm talking about? Mm-hmm. No. No? Okay. Well, great. Another commercial break mishap here where we have no fucking clue what we're talking about. I Love L.A.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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is... Hold on one second. I want to get this right. I love... That's it. That was the song.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Which is kind of weird to see all those people sing it. Randy Newman. Oh, Randy Newman. Yeah, Randy Newman has kind of an interesting career. He did I Love L.A., which was a super hit back in the late 80s, I think. Yeah. And then he went on to do all of the Toy Story movies, a lot of the Pixar stuff, which they're great songs. They're wonderful.

The Commercial Break

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But that's kind of, in my opinion, the zenith of his career is the Toy Story movies. That's kind of the best music he does. Yeah. But anyway, I love L.A. They opened up with that. And then Trevor Noah, I thought, did a job. You know, I think Trevor Noah can be so fucking funny. And I think he can be so fucking biting. And I think he's got satire for days.

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I don't think this was... I don't think he was like... I don't think this was the place for it, he felt like. So he kept it very tame, very mild, very middle of the road. So I didn't think it was particularly funny. I didn't think it was offensive. I thought it was fine. Trevor Noah is a great guy, and I thought it was fine. Which were some of the performances that you enjoyed the most?

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Oh, Shaboosie might make me go buy a country album. Shaboosie's cool.

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5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Chapel Roan is always sitting on that big pink pony. Dochi's amazing. Dochi... It's got me liking hip-hop again. I think Doji made an album that's worthy of some of the best albums that have been out there. Yeah, it's really good. In my opinion. Again, no hip-hop expert. I mean, I am a hip-hop expert. I can freestyle really well. I won't do it here on the commercial break.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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You better get to it, Brian. I know, Chrissy. Well, never mind. I'm not going to make that joke.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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But, I mean, if you want to, I'll tell you what, I'll make you a deal. I'll freestyle if you wear a Bianca dress.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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How's that?

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Done deal? Yep, we'll do it.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Dochi was amazing. I like how they strung all of those artists together, like Dochi, Teddy Swims, Shibuzi. They kind of put them in one big... Yes.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Krongbin played.

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5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Yeah, all the new artists, the people that were up for new artists. But Krogman wasn't up for new artists. They just came back from a commercial and they were playing.

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5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Oh, they were?

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Yeah, and why were they separated from that whole thing?

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Okay, so they're amazing. They are. I love them. They're one of my favorite bands that's out there today. But I like how they started together. Here's what the Grammys gets right that a lot of award shows get wrong. Is that when you're celebrating the creativity and the art that these people are making, show the creativity and the art and stop all the hammering. You know what I'm saying?

The Commercial Break

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So the Grammys only had like five categories. that they announced there on the CBS, on the actual broadcast, because the rest of them were given out in an awards ceremony earlier in the day. Like, you know, best second draft audio engineering. No one fucking cares. I mean, people care in the business.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Well, we know I've had sex 30 times at least.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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But not the people watching CBS to see the performances in the fashion. So I think they did a good job. Listen, if the Oscars would get on this particular... you know, bandwagon here and just show parts of the movie that we really, really liked, then I think we could all agree that the Oscars might be worthy of a watch. But the Oscars is so much yammering.

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It's like three hours of fucking yammering and patting each other on the back and jacking each other off. It's hard to watch the entire thing. I think the Grammys got that part right, if I'm being honest. Sabrina Carpenter.

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Did a very complicated set piece number that kind of, to me, harkened back to some of the Madonna stuff, like just these complicated set pieces, a lot of dancers, moving parts, costume changes. Do you like Sabrina Carpenter?

The Commercial Break

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I don't dislike her either.

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5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Chrissy Hoadley doesn't turn Sabrina Carpenter on.

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5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Let the social media attacking begin.

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5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Yeah, you're asking the wrong guy about Sabrina Carpenter. Oh, okay. I thought you knew. Actually, the thing that surprised me is a very, very old man who is not very hip with the kids. except my own children, who are too young to know I'm not cool.

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I will say that I was surprised at how many of the artists I did know, how much of the music was familiar to me, how much I actually think I am kind of in the flow, at least the Grammys, in that flow. I mean, I knew most of the songs that were sung, except for Sabrina Carpenter. It's no knock on Sabrina. That's just not my flavor of music. Chapel Roan?

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of the show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Pardon my interruption. Hope everyone's doing well out there. What a night. What a spectacular night at the Grammys, Chrissy.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Amazing. Shaboozy? Lovely. Teddy Swims? Has got a voice? that is like 350 years old. Teddy Swims is amazing. Isn't he from Lawrenceville, Georgia? Is he? He is. He's from Lawrenceville, Georgia. And let me tell you something. Lawrenceville, Georgia is not a hotbed of creativity, in case anybody doesn't live here, doesn't know.

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5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Lawrenceville, Georgia is not where you would expect Teddy Swims to come from. But I also think when you look at Teddy Swims, you don't expect that incredible voice to come out of that person. And it is incredible. Like soul crushing. He has really got a talent. I don't know where he got all that gravel in his throat, but I'll take that. I'll take all that you're giving me.

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5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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I swear to God, that guy's good.

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5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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I do have to say that I noticed during, I noticed a couple of things. Number one, it appeared that Taylor Swift was sitting on Cynthia Erivo's lap. Did you see that?

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Oh, is that what was going on?

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Yeah, it appeared as if Taylor had just popped a squat right on Cynthia's lap. It seemed really weird. And I think that somebody in the production staff should have made an effort to separate the two of them a little bit so it didn't look like they were dating. It was really strange. If you watched it, then you know. Yeah.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Oh, Taylor? Yeah. She was like, whatever.

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5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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You do not give two fucking rat tails of a shit about anything when you're worth $2 billion. Yeah. Nothing's going to break your stride. You know that old song? Ain't nothing going to break my stride.

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Nothing. Who cares? Okay, I didn't win this Grammy. I've won 35 other Grammys. I've got a shelf full of them in one of my 36 houses across the world. There's two of them on my private plane. My first private plane. Not my second private plane that I used for Travis. Hey, listen, good for her. Absolutely. She's there to have fun. Yeah.

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It's hard to be a spoil sport when you've already won everything. And if she was kind of bratty about it, Taylor is a PR genius. She really is. Say what you will about her. Love her. Hate her. Be a Swifty. Don't be a Swifty. Think it's all bullshit. Whatever. Taylor has crafted an image. That is almost untouchable. Now, everything is touchable, but it's almost untouchable.

The Commercial Break

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She has really done a great job.

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I do know people that don't like her. Yeah, I'll name one after we get off the break here. Somebody we know very well, but they don't like her because... Man or woman? Woman.

The Commercial Break

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Mm hmm. Woman, for reasons that are just, in my opinion, petty and being silly and looking for dirt. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, you know, oh, a billionaire. There's an argument out there that billionaires can't be billionaires unless they do some really terrible things to other human beings.

The Commercial Break

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Is there no sacred space anymore? No. Is there no sacred ground?

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5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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I understand the premise of the argument. I understand that if you do kind of like a big thought experiment in your head, imagining all the ways that billionaires fuck people over in order to get their money, that that might make sense. But I don't think that that – I don't think any – stereotype is 100% true.

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Like, who did she screw in order to get her a million dollars?

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

949.28

That one dude? That one dude? What was his name? Scooter? Scooter Braun? Okay, Scooter Braun.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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He screwed her. She screwed him. Now everybody's screwing each other. Who fucking cares? Billionaires pissing over $300 million. Who cares? You got to admit, Taylor's done a great job for herself.

The Commercial Break

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And I celebrate it. I say congratulations to Taylor. But I also noticed... That especially like when Sabrina Carpenter was playing, the way that CBS had the camera angles, I noticed that there were a lot of people in the audience that were just generally chitting and chatting over. I thought I saw that too.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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When you're doing, when you're literally doing it. Nude. Yeah, you're doing an ovulation test, walking down the red carpet, then there you go.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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That was fucking rude.

The Commercial Break

5738 Minutes Of Bryan's Life!

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Yeah. I mean, come on, guys. You're lucky enough to get an invite to the Grammys. Sit on the fucking floor. The best seats you'll ever get to anything ever in your entire life, and then all you can do is fucking pass cocaine back and forth and yammer the entire time? Give the girl a break. You may not be a Serena Carpenter fan, and maybe that particular...

The Commercial Break

TCB Is All Choked Up!

290.283

I'm just playing.

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TCB Is All Choked Up!

73.604

Ah, they call me Jizzy Jeff Hoadley, and I know the feeling, boys. Over two decades ago, I had a similar incident. I hit the local jitterbug juke joint in my one-piece unitard, started with a pair of jazz hand and a high kick to the low alley, and what came a tumbling out? My tummy. Das ist, als ich die Jizzy Jeffs All-Mail-Review-Dance-Hall und Laserhaar-Removal-Studio gestartet habe.

The Commercial Break

TCB Is All Choked Up!

985.737

Yes.

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Pavlov's Bryan

1002.116

But I'm telling you right now, take my word for it. This is weird. And Smokey Robinson is a fucking legend. Don't get me wrong. Love Smokey. Yes, he is. I grew up on Smokey Robinson in – I'd never forget that hi-fi that my grandfather and grandmother had in their house in Melrose Park, Illinois, an extraordinarily Italian neighborhood, which meant that there was a lot of gangsters around.

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Pavlov's Bryan

102.489

fucking license on the back of a cereal box is out there driving around trying to find uh gifts for their great grandson and they get in front of me and i go crazy crazy either that or it's the soccer dad who thinks he's the police officer of the neighborhood so he's gonna drive exactly 33 miles per hour in a 35 zone to make you slow down young man I got places to go, and there's 75 children.

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Pavlov's Bryan

1027.738

But also, there was some flavor in the neighborhood, right? There was a lot of – in that Italian culture, there was a lot of people who were very much into Motown, and that was the sound of the streets today. for some folks. And so my grandfather and grandmother, they really picked up on that. And so they had some of the best albums on that hi-fi.

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Pavlov's Bryan

1049.888

And when I say hi-fi, I mean a cabinet that was six feet long, three and a half feet tall, made of pure wood that had two speakers embedded into a decorative wood paneling. Right. And then you would pop open. It just looked like a cabinet. And then you would pop it open. And there was that beautiful record player. And then it had storage for the records or the eight tracks.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1072.157

It also had an eight track. And it was fancy. This thing was newfangled. That was the technology of the day.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1077.619

And Smokey Robinson was there were multiple Smokey Robinson albums, multiple Motown.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1084.562

My grandfather and grandmother gave me a gift. And that is the taste of really good music early on in life. Now, I don't know what happened. It all went to shit when I got in 33 penis. But I will say this, that Smokey Robinson was the sound of a lot of Christmases and a lot of holiday, you know, get togethers and festive events and stuff like that.

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Pavlov's Bryan

1102.281

Because my grandmother and grandfather would lay it down. I mean, they would just lay it down. It was incredible. It's fun. But I don't know who is managing Smokey Robinson right now. And I'm not saying that maybe Smokey decided to do this on his own. Maybe it has nothing to do with his management. But what in the good fuck were they thinking when they laid down GASMs? I don't know. GASMs?

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1120.912

It just sounds disturbing. Just the word sounds disturbing. Like, I don't know. Hey, baby, you want me to give you a gasm? No, I don't. Leave your penis. Put your penis away. What did you just say to me? I said gasm, gasm, gasm, baby. I gasms, my gasms, your gasms, orgasms. I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth, Brian.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1194.133

So anyway, not to dissuade you from listening to us on the Odyssey app. I want to make sure I'm playing it even here. But SiriusXM, if you want to check out Smokey Robinson's new Christmas channel, maybe they'll drop in a gasm here and there. You never know. They have to. Of course they do. Yeah, that's probably the deal.

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Pavlov's Bryan

1211.365

Well, first of all, good for Smokey because you know you're getting banked when you have your own Sirius channel. I would imagine. How much do you think they pay somebody for the licensing rights?

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1222.532

Well, I would think $20,000 a week, $25,000 a week, like something like that, $100,000 a month-ish, maybe a million bucks a year, a million two a year. For someone like Smokey Robinson, you know, there's lots of people who have their own channel, Billy Joel, Green Day, Pearl Jam, Fish, Grateful Dead, you know, they all have.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1241.827

And I would imagine it's a licensing deal, but then they, like, at least on, like, some of those channels, giving, like, Pearl Jam and... as an example, they will have band members come in and either do radio shows or talk in and out of songs or give little stories or whatever. It's a good thing. I like it.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1260.119

If you're into a particular musician and they give you your own channel, you can really have an opportunity to dig in. Bruce Springsteen's got... There's lots and lots of artists that have them. But I would think that it's a licensing thing, so it probably has to do with your record company, whoever owns the licensing to your music. But then... I would imagine.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1299.522

Bruce Springsteen, they'll play all these live concerts, you know, that they have in their archive, which is great for a fan if you want to dig in. And then you hear stories from band members or the actual artists themselves is amazeballs. And I would think that depending on how many people tune in every year, you renegotiate that contract.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

130.286

And then I seem to be living in the land of Tesla trucks up here, and it's driving me bananas. I can't take it.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1316.469

You say, oh, well, there's, you know, 100,000 people a week tuning in. So $7 million.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1325.203

I think that the same thing could happen with Odyssey. They could have their own commercial break channel live on that Odyssey app. But I'm not saying, I'm just saying, if anybody from Odyssey is listening, they're smart over there. They know what's doing.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1341.405

Oh, yes. We could literally play episodes. Let me do a little mathing here. I'm just going to, before we take a break here. Let's see here. 650 times 1.25 seems to be 812 divided by 24. You could literally play the commercial break for almost a month and a half and never repeat a word. Now, we probably repeat lots of words and stories, right?

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1368.077

But you could play the commercial break for a month and a half and not repeat one episode. Oh, my God. Can you imagine? Can you imagine? Can you imagine the glory that would be the Odyssey's commercial break channel? Non-stop commercial break with additional commentary from the commercial break.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1389.135

Yes, we'd comment on our own show. Well, I remember this time I told this story about losing my virginity. Let me tell you the story about me losing my virginity. Me commenting on my own stories by telling the same story. It would be brilliant. Brilliant. Who doesn't want that? Everyone. I know. You know, one of the things that I will always... Remember about Sirius XM.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1415.554

A lot of things, like Sirius XM, I do like, right? Yeah. One of the things I really thought was revolutionary with Sirius XM is the audio documentaries that they would put together. And one of the ones that really blew my mind was the Howard Stern, like the Howard Stern, I don't know what they called it, like retrospective or... whatever they called it. And this went on for weeks.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

142.189

And they all, all of them seem to be driving like assholes. Why are you driving a Tesla truck in the middle of north suburbs in Atlanta? There's no good reason. Never ever has a tool been in the back of that truck and never will be. Why are you driving it? What? What are we doing? You're driving a refrigerator around my town. Stop it. Is there an ice maker in that thing? I don't know.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1439.344

They like literally took it year by year and they would do like an hour and a half, two hours of this documentary talking, getting comments from his family and friends and people who were there at this time or that time or whatever turn in his career. It was quite revolutionary. It was made so well.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1455.94

created so well that you could not stop listening and I remember we were working at Clear Channel at the time this was many years ago I pulled into the parking lot and I pulled next to our market president at the time and I was so engrossed in this audio documentary that I sat in the car for 30 minutes and I noticed that the market and you missed the meeting yeah well listen the market president I missed all the meetings what are you talking about I was like that's never there but

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1485.315

The market president was also sitting in his car too.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1490.038

Listening to the same thing. But then it turns out we were not the only ones in the parking lot doing that. There was like an audio engineer and another salesperson. And like when it ended, we all kind of got out of the car at the same time. We knew. We knew. We knew what was going on. It was so good.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1506.411

So wouldn't it be amazing to put together a retrospective of our almost five full years of the commercial break? Yes. Yes. Yes. The time we went broke. The time we stayed broke. The time we are broke.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1521.346

The time we spent all the money that we did make. On SiriusXM.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1530.806

Astrid, Jeff, my kids, Blue, Noemi. Christina can be the disgruntled employee. Oh, it's brilliant. I love it. I love it. We should do it.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1549.999

I put this challenge to Christina because this is all her. I'm not going to do any of it. I mean, I could help out a little bit, I guess. I put this challenge to Christina. If you want to do the story, the life of the commercial break, the story of the commercial break, a retrospective, Go for it. And we can play it next holiday season.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1572.356

I know, the last years, which is the entirety of the commercial break. Howard Stern's was like two weeks long. It was like literally 28 hours or something like that. Ours would be 28 minutes.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1590.311

Well, hey, listen, give the listeners a break from just hearing the regular, hearing us. Here's the challenge, Christina. Make the life of the commercial break using none of our voice. Everybody else just talking about it. I don't think you could find people to fill 28 minutes talking about the commercial break. All right, we've gone so long. Let's take a break. We'll be back.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

166.027

OK, listen, I get it. Some people think it's a cool car and it has nothing to do with politics and they don't care about Elon Musk. They just think it's a cool car. OK, God bless you. I'm not saying you shouldn't ever own a Tesla truck because Elon Musk or politics or whatever. But honestly, can you drive like a fucking human being?

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

17.085

Here she is, you know, serving food out the window just like I was back then. And then I hear that fucking frying machine. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. I'm like a Pavlovian dog. Something turns in my head. And I'm like, get those fries. Get those fries. You got to get those fries. The fries are going to burn. Get those fries. Put them in there and shake that salt while they're still hot.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1709.662

Okay. All right. A little housekeeping here. I know that Christina probably just said it to you during the commercial break, but we'll say it again. All episodes of the commercial break now available on YouTube and soon on Spotify video. So there are some peppered in their videos on Spotify if you're interested in watching that. But soon, Chrissy and I will have all of the videos on YouTube.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1731.354

So please do us a favor. YouTube.com slash the commercial break. We'd love it if you take a watch. I think watching us adds a layer of obnoxiousness to the show that you just can't afford to miss. Can't afford to miss. You can't afford to miss it. So anyway, go ahead and watch that. It's our Christmas gift to everyone. Yeah. We have a brand new video editing company. I will give them a shout.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1754.011

We plash. And so far, so good, Chrissy. There you go. Well, we're only two episodes in. I was going to say. It's just been two days. We have a team leader, and I'm just wondering how long it's going to take him to be like, I'm out. I wonder how many team leaders we're going to go through in the next couple of months. Yeah, probably a lot. You know, that's why I give Christina credit.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1772.906

Like, you know, we all have our lovers and our haters out there in the audience, right? Remarkably, except for Astrid. No one seems to dislike Astrid. But the rest of us, we take our fair share of shit and we get our fair share of compliments, mainly all the other people. But anyway, I talk the most, so I get it.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1789.13

But I will say I give Christina this credit, and I think it's a lot of credit, is that Christina has come in here and now is the other person besides myself and you who have to sit through it, but the only other person that has to listen to every single minute of the commercial break. I've thought about that before. And she really does a great job despite having to listen to us all the time.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1812.678

I mean, we must be in her head, you know.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1817.104

So I take the kids to, I'll tell you this, and it'll lead back to Christina. So I take the kids to swimming, swimming class. Which is an indoor facility here in Atlanta. And it's cold here in Atlanta. And this place is humid and hot. Oh, yeah. It's like a fucking sauna. It's miserable. Chlorine smell. Oh, I love the chlorine smell. Don't mind that.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

183.051

Take it off auto driver, whatever is going on, because those Tesla trucks, anytime I get behind one to the side of one or in the front of one, someone is always driving rather erratically.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1839.565

Did you know that every time I've gotten a blood test, I just, you know, I was going back like looking at my blood test results because of the whole calcium thing. Yeah. It was on an app. So I was just looking through it. Every year for like nine years, my chlorine level has been very high. I think it's me trying to manage that pool outside. I think I'm just ingesting chlorine.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1857.344

No one seems to be worried about it, but no one seemed to be worried about my calcium either. So maybe I should ask.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1863.247

Anyway, so we go to this place and right next door is a McDonald's that I used to work at, right?

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1871.57

Yes.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1873.671

Oh, you have?

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1886.077

That McDonald's is the one that I used to work at.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1890.24

That's the famous McDonald's. I had sex on top of that McDonald's one time. You were on the roof? I was on the roof. I was down in the basement. I was making movies. I was smoking pot. The owner was calling my dad to tell him I was smoking pot. I mean... There was a basement where we used to smoke cigarettes. I mean, like, it was really my— You don't think about a basement being at a McDonald's.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1909.09

I don't. No, but that's where they kept all, like, what they called dry stock, right? Makes sense. Like, all the paper cups and sauces and all the stuff that was packaged that you could keep. It was dry storage, essentially, is what it was. But they also had an office and a break room because the guy who owned that McDonald's also owned a number of other McDonald's. That's usually the case. Yeah.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1925.896

Yes, which I imagine made him fabulously wealthy, especially when I used to work. There's like the golden days of like, oh, yeah, you know, the value menu. Right. And supersize me and all that other shit.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

193.733

in those things and i think it's because they can't see because there's no right angles in the car it's perpendicular angles everywhere 50 feet off the ground there are 75 different window shades and colorings and angles how do you see out of that thing i guess it's got magic cameras that keeps it on the road or something whatever just stop it stop it

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1938.65

No, no, no, no. Not like there is today. And if you ask for something special, trust me, we hated you. Right. I mean, now it's not uncommon to go. I'll take a cheeseburger. No onions, no pickle. You know, do it your way. But that was the other guys. That was the Burger King. Have it your way. We were McDonald's and you just like you got what you got.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1955.2

And if you ask for what's called a grill item, quote unquote, a grill item was when you ask for something special. Trust me, if you had a grill item in the 90s, everyone at that McDonald's knew who you were and hated you.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1970.086

There was a secret menu that we would make for ourselves, but it was almost never asked for. I mean, people would come in and ask for ridiculous things, right? They would ask for, let's see, what was some of the stuff? Like at the time we had triple cheeseburgers. You can ask for that.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1985.877

I believe now they'll make one for you, but it's not something I think is on the menu, but we had triple cheeseburger menu and it was just three patties, three pieces of cheese, you know, this triple cheeseburger, you get it.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

1997.584

just like it sounds right just like it sounds but we would some one of the guys that that worked in the grill who had no teeth and no home i mean but the guy but he was his name was larry there were two larry's that worked there and larry literally had no teeth and he was skinny as fuck and something about him was fucking majestic to me like he was you've talked

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2022.711

about him before he was so kind and so good at what he did and so competent at what he did and took pride in what he did even though he was a hot mess of a human being i really admired his work ethic and the fact that he came in there every day and now i imagine high or hung over right he probably didn't lose his teeth on accident. You know what I'm saying? Okay. But he did it well.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2053.379

And whatever the mechanics of him doing that well were, I wasn't aware of at the time. I am now. It was probably a little bit of pep in his step. But this guy was so fucking good at what he did, so kind.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2064.046

And as a 14-year-old kid from the burbs who's coming in for his first job, this guy didn't have to give me the time of day and probably could have a real shitty attitude about working with a bunch of children. But that was the gig for the owner of the restaurant was to hire a lot of young people. Child labor. Child labor. That's it. It's cheap. It's cheap. We work hard.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2086.202

We don't know the difference. You know, our parents think we're doing great, but really it's just cheap child labor. Yeah. So anyway. This guy would make certain menu items for us if we asked for it, like, you know, triple cheeseburger with a Big Mac sauce or, you know, a special breakfast item. Like, you know, believe this or not, bacon, egg McMuffin, pickles.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2107.305

Best thing you've ever tasted, I swear to God. Okay. Those pickles with bacon and a muffin. If you put a piece of cheese on it, that's – Do you like a good pickle? Oh, my God, Christy. So delicious. So he would make these things. We never got asked. I know now it's like secret menu. It's like fun to go and try and see if you can ask for it and get them to make it.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2122.736

But this place is some of my formative memories. I got into my first fist fight there. I had sex. I got into my first –

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2130.061

It's just like everything happened there. Now it's changed physically. They've renovated it and all this other stuff. And anyway, so we get out of the pool yesterday and Astrid's like, I know we don't want to do this, but what about the kids? It's like late at night. It's near the kids' bedtimes because there's a holiday. Well, plus it's dark at six.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2155.755

I know. It's crazy. I don't like it.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2166.567

That's it. Yeah.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

217.748

I think all the grandmothers and grandpas, all the Tesla trucks, and all the soccer dads who want to be police officers, they should all just have their own neighborhood where they can drive around and piss each other off and see who can drive the slowest or furthest outside of the lane. I mean, I swear to God.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2175.476

Yes. Yeah. Now I'll turn into my parents.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2182.224

I'm with you. Early bird. I feel like I'm retired. I'm officially retired during the winter. So she says, hey, so the kids don't fall asleep in the car. Get them a treat. Go to go get some food at the Mickey D's. And I'm like, God, every time we go to a Mickey D's, I mean, everybody ends up sick. Right. And I'm not saying that's because of Mickey D's. It's just it's either a real coincidence.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2204.995

It's usually when we play in the playground when they pick up some disease out there or something like that. So I say, okay, against our better judgment. And I also know that sometimes Astrid doesn't want to cook food 24 hours a day or I don't want to cook food, whatever. I cook food.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2220.036

No, I microwave. That's what I do. But I can, but I will, and I have. So I go through the drive-thru. All these memories come flooding back. I'm telling the kids, I used to work here, yada, yada, yada. And then when we pull up to the window to pick up our food, we're like sitting there for a long time. And there's a young suburban girl working the drive through kind of clueless. Right.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2243.433

And you can just tell this is she's a Brian. She's her dad made her go get a job or she's working on her own volition or whatever to make a little bit of extra cash. Here she is, you know, serving food out the window just like I was back then. And then I hear that fucking frying machine. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. I'm like a Pavlovian dog. Something turns in my head.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2267.566

And I'm like, get those fries. Get those fries. You got to get those fries. The fries are going to burn. Get those fries. Put them in there and shake that salt while they're still hot. You better do that, right? Not too much salt. Just a little bit of salt. Not too much. I'm like, all of a sudden, I turn into like a McDonald's employee. I'm not saying that to her, but I'm thinking it to myself.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2285.781

Yeah, yeah. And one of my kids is like, what's that beeping noise? And I go, that's the fry machine. And if they don't pick those fries up, they're going to burn and they're going to have to throw them away. And that's waste. You don't want to waste. I'm like working at McDonald's again. I swear to God. It was crazy how it happened. It came back to you. It came back because of that fry machine.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2301.868

I would hear that beeping noise in my head at night.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2309.452

Yes, absolutely. I could smell those French fries in the pool place because they opened a vent to release some of that hot air. They have like this auto vent and that fry thing comes. And even one of my kids who was like waiting on his turn to go in the pool, he was like, Daddy, I smell French fries. Yeah, I smell McDonald's. And I was like, that's it. It's right next door.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2328.122

It must be terrible for those people in there. To have McDonald's right next door is real temptation if you're so inclined. So I'm just like, now I'm Pavlovian dog hearing that beeping noise, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. And now I'm remembering that for years, I could not get that sound out of my head.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2343.575

And if I heard it, I would be like be working the front counter on a Saturday morning in the 90s. McDonald's is everything. It's in suburbia. And everybody and their mother goes to McDonald's on a Saturday in suburbia to go get their value meal or whatever lines out the door. Not even kidding. Four or five, six cash registers in the front. Oh, it was insane. And this would just go on for hours.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

235.221

I was driving down the street the other day and out of like one of these blind drives comes this Tesla truck and it's just going 70 miles per hour outside its own driveway. And I came within 12 feet, 15 feet of getting in a terrible accident. He did not stop. He did not look. There was no brake supply.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2366.751

It would start at 11 a.m. and it would go on for hours. And there was a breakfast rush at 8 a.m. Right. Whatever. And if you heard that noise. The management beat it into your head. If you didn't have a person specifically working the french fry area, it'd be like, get those fries. Don't let them burn. That's waste. We can't waste. Waste is killing us. Food costs is going through the roof.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2387.843

And Larry, if Larry had to take the fries out of the basket, you were in trouble. He would give you a look. He'd be like, come on, guys. Come on. I'm not working fries and grills. Exactly. I'm already making 170 burgers a minute. Now you guys want me to do the French fries too? Let's go. Come on, guys. When that fry beep, go, go, go, go. And just keep, and put another basket in.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2406.929

What, are you born in a barn? Who's going to make the French fries for you? What are you thinking? There's a robot? They're going to throw another basket in there? Well, now there is. Now there is. Yeah, it's crazy.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2417.572

you know but I just remember it was just like this instinct that I had when I was working there that if that I wanted to be the guy who made sure that it got taken care of you know I was that guy I was like a utility player you needed Larry's approval I needed Larry's approval I needed management approval everybody in some way shape or form needs approval that's how we live as human beings we want whether it's internally externally whatever and I'll tell you what it's like it was I was a utility player just like I was in every sport that I had people would say yeah

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2447.375

He's scrappy. That was like the word they used. I wasn't talented. I wasn't good. I was scrappy. So I would help. You could get it done. I would be there. I would help. You were the worker bee. I was the worker bee. And I never minded that. I always thought that was a compliment.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2460.921

I always felt like if I could outwork the other people, or at least if I could be there to help in some way, then I would be useful. And that was my version of... showing other people love and that was the way that I felt accepted right it's okay I'm part of the team and I'm needed because I'm there when they need me and the french fries will not burn damn it

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2485.618

So I say all this to say, so I would wrap it back into Christina. I wonder if Christina hears us in her head at night. I wonder.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2497.523

We'll ask her in a couple of weeks when she gets here. Oh, yeah. I mean, I got to imagine she's never going to get my voice out of her head, or at least not for a long time, because God bless America. I mean, if you don't listen to your voice on a microphone all the time, the first time you hear it, it can be rather unnerving, right? It is, yeah.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2518.952

It's hard. Yeah, it is. It's hard. It's hard because your voice sounds different in your head than it does when you hear it back. Yeah, you're your own worst critic. Yeah, and it sounds worse. It always does. It just sounds worse. You always think you're so much more slick and sexy than you actually are. You're a stuttering, umming, umming, like, you know.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2556.019

At least. At least. Do me a favor. Text me every time you hear me say one of those three things and just tell me what a fucking asshole I am so I can start learning. Okay.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2568.776

all right well listen you can't think about it too much because then that freaks you out too it does yeah you try you have to be natural well then you could start stumbling around trying to find other words and then you sound stupid so i guess you know i guess i'll just take it like it is the whole nine yards and all it's been 650 episodes it's been 650 episodes that the whole nine yards it's been all of it i swear to god swear to god all right like let's take a break

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

258.157

Yes, it's a tank. But I have a suspicion it's not really a tank. Like if you were to get in a car accident, it would probably crumple more like styrofoam. Because it just looks... I just don't like the look of it. Listen, I know a lot of people are... There's like, it's mixed reviews, right? Some people are like, it's just not utilitarian.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2596.914

And like, we'll be back. Here, I'm going to Pavlovian dog you. Listen to Christina remind you to follow us on Instagram. We'll be back.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2702.536

I am. Are you really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it good? It is really good. That Tyler Sheridan, he's on quite the kick.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2712.659

Can't argue his success. Oh, Landman. Landman. I can't wait to watch Landman. Yeah, I'll take a little Billy Bob Thornton with a side of Swiss cheese.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2721.182

Oh, he, yeah. Johnny Hamm. John Hamm.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2725.458

Demi Moore, who we have on our list to watch that movie that you watched. I watched it. The sauce? The juice?

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2734.124

Yeah. Yeah, so I'm excited about The Landman. I think this should be a good show because Billy Bob Thornton, when applied correctly, it will cure all woes. I mean, if you don't like that guy, then you just don't. You're not breathing. He is such a good fucking actor. He really is. And he plays... Fun to watch. He plays a saucy bad guy, good guy, whatever, like nothing.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

274.428

It's for people who want to drive a car that looks like that, right? But... I don't like the look of them. There's Tesla cars that I love the look of. Those Tesla, you know, the coupes and the sedans or whatever you fucking call, I don't know the car terms, you know, the regular cars. I think they're beautiful cars. I do too, and they're great inside too. Yes, I've looked at them.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2755.259

nobody's business I know he's like Bruce Willis badass all the time right Bruce could go different directions but Billy is just like he just plays that one archetypal bad guy good guy I'm really introspective super smart whip and at 78 years old the guy is still wearing a bunch of bracelets like me and like you know a floppy French hat and a leather jacket yeah him and Johnny Depp go to the same fucking stylist I swear to God they do yeah

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2786.335

Have you ever seen the thing where Billy Bob Thornton is in Canada on like the CBC, which is like the BBC, but in Canada? He's in the CBC and he's with his band, the Billy Bob Thornton. I forgot about that. The Rattlers or whatever the fuck. The Rattlers. What does Billy Bob Thornton's band sound like? What does it sound like? Yeah.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2807.947

Billy Bob Thornton.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2812.973

Well, he doesn't really. 3,000 monthly listeners on Spotify, which is just about 1,000 more than us. So there we go. Let's see here.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2834.611

oh okay all right that's a thing it's with government mule actually that song and it's most popular of his songs on spotify anyway okay so there you go you get a little flavor for billy bob thornton and the whatever's um so uh billy bob is in this studio doing an interview and then i guess the band is going to play and the presenter the announcer the host is asking him a question about like this latest movie that he has he

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2859.241

He says, well, what do you think about doing this movie or that movie? And he goes, did I come in here to talk about my fucking movie? And the guy is like, well, Billy, you're an actor. And I think it would be a disservice to the audience not to ask about. He goes, I told you not to talk about my fucking movie. I told you not to talk about my fucking movie. I'm not an actor here today.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2879.745

I'm here with my band. And that's what I want to talk. I mean, he like went at the guy and the guy was doing his best to like navigate. But Billy is like kind of a no bullshit. You know, he's he's. He's not at a ditty party. Let's put it that way. This guy's not trying to win favor, curry favor with anybody.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2896.52

Yeah, no, he's not. He's not at a ditty party. And weird tie-in with Billy Bob Thornton and us would be that Colonel Bruce Hampton was in the movie Sling Blade. He did a wonderful turn, Colonel Bruce did, in Sling Blade, where Billy Bob won his Academy Award for playing the Sling Blade guy.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2920.037

Yeah, great movie. So can't wait to watch this. I think you're going to like it. Have you watched any of it? You've watched Landman? Yeah, yeah. You have? Yeah, there's two out. Maybe three. What channel is it on? Paramount. Paramount. Paramount Plus. Oh, shit, I don't have Paramount Plus. I'll find a way to watch it. I'll add you. Okay. Yeah, please. I want to watch it. I can't wait to watch it.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2941.292

So, Sheridan's on a tear right now. Yeah. And this Yellowstone has been a little bit... There's been some hiccups in the Yellowstone... Now they've done like multiple branch outs of Yellowstone with some varying degrees of success, I think. But the original Yellowstone, the one that's got Kevin Costner in it, has really taken hold of the entire country. Everyone's talking about Yellowstone.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

296.599

We thought about buying one. But that truck does make no sense to me. It makes none sense to me. It looks terrible. It looks terrible. It literally looks like Elon Musk's I don't know. Had sex with a refrigerator. I don't know. It just looks weird. It just looks weird. It does. Yes. I agree. The dads up here that are driving these things around, running people off the road.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2963.33

It's been talking about it for a long time. We've talked about it a few times here on the show. Never seen an episode. Don't really know what it's all about. But okay, it's a show that everybody likes and everybody seems to think is great. That's fantastic. But I think it's just gotten a little too self-important.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2977.759

If I'm only going by the trailers, teasers, and commercials that they put on, it's got a little bit self-important. And let me explain why. The other day I'm watching a television show, on comes the commercial, and it's for Yellowstones. Brand new season, right? Right. I guess this is the last season?

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

2998.15

Okay.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3001.993

Because Kevin Costner wouldn't. Yeah. For whatever reason. There was like creative differences.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3010.661

And he did, and it flopped. Flopped, yeah. And then it got picked up by Amazon, and it became a fucking hit. Okay. Okay.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3020.21

Bet against Costner is the word. Yeah. Dances with Wolves, which I know somebody people are going to call. They're going to text me and say it's the most fucking obnoxiously boring movie ever. No, it's not. It is brilliant and beautiful and so well done. It really is. And I think while that may not be exactly historically accurate, I don't know what was going on at that time and neither do you.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3042.039

I think it's done with a bit of sensitivity, at least from a white man's perspective, a bit of sensitivity around what may have been happening out in the West back then. It is a beautiful fucking movie. It really is. And the score is beautiful. I remember seeing that in the theater with my mom.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3057.617

It's such a big deal. And he... Fought tooth and nail to get that movie made when everyone said, you're fucking crazy. A three and a half hour movie about the Wild West where nothing actually happens except for this guy just makes friends with Indians. Are you kidding me? It is so fucking good. And Bodyguard, same thing. Bodyguard.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3079.638

I think that he fought to have Whitney Houston be in that role or something along those lines. I don't know. Great movie. Yeah. Waterworld? Okay, that was a dump of a movie. All right, we can all agree that Waterworld was not a movie anybody wanted to see. It's not a movie. Occasionally, I see it then put on TNT or something, and I'm like, how is this movie even rerunning?

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3098.567

It should just be buried forever. That movie is terrible. But Kevin Costner has repeatedly had success after success after success by fighting for his creative vision. Now, whether or not you agree with that creative vision or think that he's always been, you know, I don't know, had a daft touch with certain things, whatever. Okay, we can all disagree about creativity.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3121.774

But at the end of the day, he is a monster success maker. That is for sure. He's like that fucking James Cameron guy who decides he's going to build a space rocket to the bottom of the ocean. And everyone says, you're a fucking moron. And then he makes a billion dollars. because he recreates the Titanic. The guy is just... Anyway.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3141.501

But I will have to say that the hype is getting a little bit ridiculous because here is the commercial and I shit you not, I wrote it down. This is what it had. Okay, ready? Yellowstone people talking, plot points, plot points.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3195.611

It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. I mean, I've seen commercial movie trailers in the 80s that did a better job of hyping up. That is the most crazy shit I've ever heard. And I know that people are eating it.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

320.96

You know, it's just like, come on, guys. Get a regular truck that you don't put tools in. Be like the rest of the idiots and get a regular truck that you don't put tools in. Does that thing even have a place for tools? I don't know. I guess the pop top's up or whatever. I've watched videos on it.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3208.222

I can't wait. I know. Yeah, they're jumping off buildings. Ah!

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3236.442

Listen, you can't prepare for explosive diarrhea. You can certainly prepare for a television show, no matter what happens. It's okay. You'll be prepared. Yes, you'll be prepared. It's not coming out of the TV. You're not going over to Oklahoma and fall off an oil well or whatever the fuck is going on in Yellowstone. It's not going to happen. Everything's okay. You can prepare yourself.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3257.769

Make some popcorn. Sit the fuck down. Get a blanket. Watch the show. Have some fun. Let's stop being so goddamn dramatic about everything. What comes next? Even my kids were like, what's that? And I'm like, don't, don't, stop. You're buying into it. It's like a soap opera, I swear to God.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3277.429

Well, listen, that is a different story altogether. Okay, maybe I will be addicted.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3288.532

Well, listen. You think you're prepared.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3305.575

characters die explosions happen the whole world goes crazy all of it oh my god kevin costner die i mean i don't know i don't want to do a spoiler oh okay there you go spoiler alert well i think it's widely known oh it's well i mean of course yeah they gotta write them out somehow that's the ultimate fuck you to it you know what i'm saying to a character it's like when they just murder you up hey so bob uh you know thanks for your 10-year run on friends but uh you're dead

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

334.186

Anyway, I'm not here to talk about tin cans and Elon Musk and driving a can of pinto beans around town.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3341.747

What, does he get dildoed? Did he get pegged to death by his wife or something? What's going on?

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3350.692

What's the name of his character in the show?

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3362.887

That really would be a fuck you. Oh, that would. Is Yellowstone set in the current times? Yes. Okay. Montana. Montana. Beautiful country out there. Dave Letterman owns like half of Montana, I think. Between Dave Letterman and Ted Turner.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3407.054

Yes, he was insanely, he was a Wild West land man. He went out there and he claimed his stake and he did it through cable television and the Braves. He did it all from here in Atlanta, CNN. He had all of those ideas and he fought to get it done. So again, We can all argue about Ted Turner's, you know, picadillos.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3428.782

But at the end of the day, the reason why you have fucking Netflix streaming in your home right now is Ted Turner. It really is.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3436.749

He demanded that it get to every front door and he figured out a way to make it happen and get it subsidized. I mean, he just did so many things. The guy was brilliant. He was a navigator. He was one of the people who just pulls the strings in this world. and we all know who they are and you can do it for good and you can do it for bad. You do have to say something about Ted Turner.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3457.005

He built Atlanta, number one. There's no Olympics. There's no CNN. There's no industry.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3465.328

What was the name of the game? Oh, the World something or other. The Goodwill Games. Goodwill Games. That's right. The Goodwill Games. Yeah, which was a thing for a while. It wasn't the Olympics, but it was something. It was like our

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3479.914

I highly recommend it. It's very fascinating. Ted Turner says that he could ride a horse from Canada to Mexico without ever leaving his land. That's what he says. And I tend to believe it because he started gobbling up huge swaths of land when he started making money. And that's what he claims. Did you know that like you can like... I don't know.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

348.538

Oh, I did, yes. So that's part of the Festivus tradition. Nothing like turning on the commercial break in the middle of the holidays to hear Brian whine and complain about white people problems. Only an old white man can complain about other old white men in a way that makes no sense whatsoever. All right. OK, I'm done.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3503.269

If you want to bring your cattle from one pasture to the other, you've got to rent.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3508.271

The Ted Turner Trail. You've got to pay the guy to bring your cows over to the next pasture. It's insane.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3521.798

Dave Letterman. Let's talk about Dave for a second because Dave's next door to Ted. I can't wait to get invited to Dave Letterman's house. Oh, yeah. It's going to happen. That's like my dream. I don't care if I'm rich and famous. Well, I kind of care if I'm rich. Not so much famous. But what I would like is like if we're going to do like one thing. I was thinking about this.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3540.026

If I'm going to do like one thing retrospective wise, right, where they go, oh, you know, podcast pioneers and mediocre comedy.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3561.463

On Genoose on the podcast universe.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3564.625

Brian and Chrissy. The Wild West. It really was for a while there. It still is. But if they're going to do like one thing, if you could pick it, like 60 Minutes, CNN retrospective, Fox News, Brett Baer interview. I don't know. Tucker Carlson. Joe Rogan for four hours. You could do one thing. I'd want to do that Dave Letterman Netflix shit that he does. I like that show.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3590.222

Because I think that's really cool. I like that show. My next guest needs no introduction, I think is what it's called. I think that's the name of it too, yeah. So he did that one with Miley Cyrus. We talked about this. That was really cool.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3602.649

Yeah. And, you know, I think some people get invited to Dave's house and Dave says, he's like, you come out to my house. I invite people. But when they get there, they're like, hey, you got tennis? And he's like, tennis? I don't have tennis. Do you have a pool? Not really. What can we do? I don't know. Go look at the pasture, I guess. That must be what Dave liked. Dave, Johnny Carson.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3623.268

A lot of these guys who did this, I don't know, late night does something weird to you. It's like you never want to talk to anybody ever again after you get done. They have to have a retrospective on Johnny Carson also, which I would like to watch too. Now, he was like a real split personality. Apparently, he was a bad alcoholic.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3641.039

And when he got alky, like when he started drinking, he would get really nasty to his wives. Probably why he had so many. Yeah, probably why he had so many. And then he just kind of walked off into the sunset when Johnny Carson, I think, did he die of Parkinson's or something like that? I feel like I want to say, or emphysema, emphysema. That's what it was. Parkinson's, emphysema.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

366.833

But here's what I do have to say about driving, because, you know, you spend a lot more time, I think, in your car during the holiday season, getting to and fro, going shopping, just generally, you know, taking the kids to activities and all this if you have kids. But so I'm relying on these grocery stores. That's it. Yeah. All this stuff. And there tends to be more traffic.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3662.366

It's not the same thing. He died of emphysema because he, I think he was, I think he was a...

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3668.23

pretty big smoker like everybody was back in those days right uh but johnny carson handed it off to jay leno and then just walked off into the sunset never to be heard from again it was really strange and so i'm glad that dave is still in touch with us in some way shape or form uh but you know i would like to go to dave's house and just spend a weekend with dave so dave if you're listening

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3688.556

I know I'm not ever going to be on your radar, but if for some reason this gets back to you, somebody you know is listening to the show and you pass this along to Dave, I would kindly take an invite to your house. I'll bring my own toilet paper just so you don't have to use any. I'll bring my own food and I won't bring my children. Or my dog.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3709.423

As a matter of fact, if you just want to invite me, I'll be happy to come over. I'll make your bed for you, Dave. That's what I'll do. I'll make your bed for you. If you invite me to your house for the weekend, your bed will be made both days I stay there. How's that, Chrissy?

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3725.086

Yeah. You wonder if there are people. There must be people that work there, right? Of course. You don't think Dave's making his own bed, do you? No, of course. You have staff. I mean, I don't know. What? Staff. Yeah. Like a chef and a security. You got to have security even when you live out there. All that. Gardens. He's probably growing wheat out front or something. I don't know.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3742.39

I just imagine Dave to be the kind of guy who's like, I don't want flowers. I want wheat. Give me wheat. Wheat? I thought you said weed. No. No. But in the Miley Cyrus interview, if I'm not mistaken, he talks about smoking weed with Miley. Or no, maybe it's Miley talking about smoking with her mom. Whatever.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3760.712

Anyway, I don't want to get it wrong because I love Dave and I don't want to ever piss him off. No. But he's not without controversy either. I think the point is we all make mistakes. Yeah. That's the moral of the story. We're human. For a little while longer. For a little while longer. Sometimes I didn't get to the fry machine on time. Johnny Carson wasn't a perfect person.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3783.772

Kevin Costner's always not been historically sensitive. And Dave Letterman shouldn't have interns. I guess that's the moral of the story. There you go. It doesn't make his own bed. All right. Okay. All episodes from here on forth. It shall be known on youtube.com slash the commercial break. Don't go to no man's video land.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3809.594

Come here to youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak or you can go to tcbpodcast.com. All the audio, all the video right there from one location. You can also get your free TCB bumper sticker while supplies last. While supplies last.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3827.429

On a few of them, yes. We have all the stickers, and sometimes people ask for old ones.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3834.891

You did give me the extras from Mempho, which is one we didn't give away, actually. So if you want a Mempho TCB sticker, we have them available. Write and ask kindly, and maybe Astrid or whoever does it will send one to you. But be nice about it. Don't be like, I want seven stickers. Sign one for my husband. Do two of this. Can you kiss me? Some people get a little silly about the requests.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

385.031

because more people are out on the road more often doing whatever it is they do for the holidays. Whatever the fuck grandma is doing. Who let grandma out of the house, by the way, honestly?

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3860.53

And it's like, honestly... Can you overnight it? Sure. Why not? If you want a Mempho sticker, let us know, and maybe we'll send one off to you.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3875.709

It's a guitar pick. Yes. We gave a lot of them away. I can almost guarantee none of them sit anywhere on anybody's shelf on their refrigerator. Nada. I promise you. You never know. Only one person at Mempho knew who the commercial break was, and that was Jeff. That's it. TCB Podcast on TikTok. At the commercial break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

3907.687

Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, write us. We'd love to talk to you. Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for right now.

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Pavlov's Bryan

3913.931

I'll tell you that I love you. And I love you.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

396.222

It is, and I don't know. I live in this part of town where, you know, it's a mixed bag. There's guys like me who are very angry, banging their heads against the steering wheel. Angry. Are you driving as fast as they possibly can to wherever they're going? There's, you know, people like I said, there's dads and moms who believe they are police officers.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

40.324

You better do that, right? Not too much salt. Just a little bit of salt. Not too much.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

415.618

So they drive to me two miles per hour under the speed limit to slow you down or everybody else behind you. I don't get it when you're driving and when you're driving. And I know, like, if not, everybody feels comfortable driving. Some people get scared of driving or they want to be really cautious, as they should be, because you're driving essentially a murder weapon around. Right. Right.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

434.566

Um, but when you're driving down a two lane street, you know, one lane each way, we're driving down a two lane street and you're going seven miles per hour under the speed limit. And there is a line of 40 cars behind you, all of which are just like driving so close to each other because everyone wants to literally drive over the person in front of you. Yeah.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

453.638

Like, don't you ever just like look back and go, oh, I'm causing a bit of a traffic jam back there. I guess I should put the pedal up just a little bit. Do you ever – I mean, I just wonder.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

475.255

I'll give you a little bit of a break if you've got an out-of-state license plate. I'll give you a little bit of a break. We have a roundabout here. And roundabouts in Florida, pretty common. Roundabouts in Georgia, not as common, but they're there.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

487.386

More and more because they are fantastic traffic diffusers. It's much better than a light. If it's the right setup, right? If you're in a major intersection, then it doesn't make a lot of sense. But in Europe, they have traffic circles almost every, very rarely do you see an actual traffic light. There's Big Ben, folks.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

504.746

Big Ben. There it is again. Parliament.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

509.67

Yeah, sometimes. Yeah, when we were in France in the Arc de Triomphe, that is like a notoriously dangerous, very complicated roundabout. Even the cab drivers get nervous about it. They'll tell you they're nervous about it. And so when we went there and I rented a car, we drove all over Europe. We drove from Barcelona to Paris. This was a number of years ago.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

528.383

And my brothers were behind me in another car. And I will tell you something. And for the seven hour drive from wherever we were in France to Paris, all I could think about was that we were going to have our hotel was near the arc. I was going to have to go on that roundabout for seven hours. I strategized about how I was going to do this because I had been there, you know, before.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

54.626

Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Krista Joy Holdley. Best to you, Krista.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

549.603

And I knew that even the taxi drivers take it easy. Like they very calculated about how they get in that traffic circle. There are seven lanes there.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

558.23

and everyone is moving every different way yeah you have to that's crazy the only good news is the traffic's only moving in one direction or should be but bikes uh so many scooters uh cars taxi drivers it doesn't in a blinker in that situation doesn't it you know it doesn't matter because people are just going to move over anyway like it's all so wow that is that is confusing

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

580.908

And the people who are in the very last lane near the arc, what are they doing all the way over there? I guess they're just taking a tour around the arc a bunch of times. I don't know. Take a look at a picture of it. It's intimidating. But I got through it, and we did it a number of times, and we got through it, but I'm telling you, it's intimidating.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

598.241

Anyway, there's a traffic circle up here with one lane.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

602.124

One circle. That's all you got to do. Yield to the person that's coming. If you pull up to a traffic circle, you look to your left, Here in the United States, you look to your left and you say, is there anyone coming? Am I calculating that I have enough distance to make it not bother anybody else or cause anybody else to stop short? Okay, great. Go. Yeah, that's it. Not really that hard, right?

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

623.643

Not all that hard. And I understand if it's your first traffic circle ever, maybe you take a few extra seconds to get your bearings and understand what's going on. If you're a cautious driver, maybe you make sure there's a lot of space in between it. But I go in that traffic circle every fucking day, sometimes multiple times a day.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

63.634

Best to you out there in the podcast universe.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

641.653

And sometimes the out-of-state drivers, I give them a little bit extra time because I'm like, okay, this might be your first traffic circle ever. I got to be aware of that, right? But if you have a license plate from the same town that I live in and, you know, you're my I know that you live. I can literally know you live on my street and you sit there and just wait and wait and wait.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

65.916

Hope you're doing well. Smack dab in the middle of holiday season. I hope you're revving down, de-stressing, having fun. I personally rev up because a lot of old ladies are out there on the road. A lot of old ladies and old men, especially in my part of town, are out there driving. maliciously, slowly, in front of me, and it drives me fucking batty.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

663.981

You wait till the entire traffic circle is clear. There's no one there and has been no one there for a minute and a half before you go. You are officially a dumbass. You got to go. Yeah. And then there's 3000 cars behind you. Oh, my God. And you know what? I should let that shit go. I honestly should. I'm a grown man. I shouldn't get all worked up about this. And I'm so much better than I used.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

685.189

This is so much better than I used to be, by the way. This right now is so much better than I used to be. And I'm not going to get into, you know, I'm not road rage incidents. That's not for me. Like I don't, you know, hit people, get out of my car, yell at people. I don't do that. I secretly stew inside of my head. And then let it out here. Yes. Let it all boil up until the next episode. Yeah.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

706.995

commercial break. That's what I do. You're right. You're so right about that. But, you know, we're all here spending so much more time in our car because of this. I said to myself, well, you know, I better get acclimated to a couple channels on Sirius that I like that I can chew on. Right. And so there's the old go to's.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

725.077

There's the news stations, BBC World, MSNBC, CNN, Fox News, if you really want to drive yourself crazy. And then there's the music stations, Christmas, you know, all of the rock and pop and all that other stuff. So I'm listening to whatever station I'm listening to on Sirius, which is wonderful, by the way. I love Sirius. I think they're lovely. Odyssey's better, but I love Sirius. They're great.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

747.824

As a satellite radio company. I will tell you that I heard the most disturbing thing I think I've heard all season yet. And that is that Smokey Robinson has his own Christmas channel. Smokey Robinson, guys.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

763.131

He's got a lot of hits. Christmas hits? Yeah. Probably. Probably.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

769.654

Yeah, he was in Motown. I bet they put out a Christmas album on the 4th of July. They put out two Christmas albums a year, I think, at Motown. They were just hit makers, like hit after hit after hit after hit. And I think part of the formula was keep putting music out all the time, never stop.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

787.184

A traffic circle, yes. It's the Arc de Triomphe. Seven lanes, always cars in there. But do I need to remind you of the crime that Smokey Robinson laid on us earlier this year when he dropped an album? And I just want to play a little bit of it for the audience that may not have picked this up.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

806.126

Smokey Robinson earlier this year dropped an album and that album is so fucking disturbing that it's almost it's almost criminal to play it on air. But I'm going to play a little bit of it because I can't play too much of it because I'm sure Smokey and his gang are going to go after Smokey and the gang. Smokey and the Four Tops or whatever it is. It was great. Okay. All right. Ready?

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

834.466

Listen to this.

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Pavlov's Bryan

835.566

Okay.

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Pavlov's Bryan

856.073

The worst part is this is actually a good groove.

The Commercial Break

Pavlov's Bryan

858.734

I know. Here it comes. Ready? Oh, no, that's not it. It's coming. Nothing like a French horn to get things settled in. You know what I'm saying, Chris?

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Pavlov's Bryan

88.01

I've been in the car with you. I just can't take it. I hate the Christmas season for... Excuse me. Let me repeat that. I love the Christmas season, but I dislike being on the roads during the Christmas season. Because it seems like every nudnik who got their...

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Pavlov's Bryan

880.531

When I look at you, it makes me feel better than good.

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Pavlov's Bryan

926.029

Hey, Tina, it's Tony the manager. Hi, Tony. Listen, I gotta, you're not gonna believe this. I just got you booked on an amazing album. You're gonna be a backup singer for Smokey Robinson. Smokey, I've always wanted to work with Smokey.

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Pavlov's Bryan

955.503

You're saying orgasm? No, just gasms. No or, just gasms. We're going to gasms, gasms, gasms. Basically, I'm paying you to repeat the word gasms over and over again in tune.

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Pavlov's Bryan

979.366

Gasms. Smokey Robinson put out an album earlier this year with many songs that the lyrics are questionable. But I think we can all just agree that just hearing Gasms pretty much sets the tone for the rest of the album. There are other songs that are just as strange lyrically. I swear to God there are. I listened to a number of them. In my own free time. That's not to bother you.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1006.68

Yeah.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1014.823

How it affected their— One of them they monitored down here on Earth. One was up in space for over a year, and then they determined how—because they're— identical twins, theoretically, everything is exactly the same. I mean, not theoretically. Scientifically, they're exactly the same. So they get to determine.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1032.113

They get to have a control model and an experiment model, and they get to figure all that out, which is pretty smart when you think about it. See, this is why those guys at NASA... Shouldn't be listening to the commercial break. We don't want to dumb you down.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1043.16

We need you to be at your sharpest. Maybe that's why that Boeing space capsule is still up there. It's because everyone at the Kennedy Space Center is tuning into the commercial break and not paying attention to their jobs. Now, listen, I know that's not NASA. That's Boeing. So if there's any Boeing employees that are listening to me, please do me a favor.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1060.609

Turn us off and pay attention to what you're doing. We need those doors on that airplane. And I'm sure we have a few Boeing employees that listen to us. That's a big, huge company. But, yeah, you know, I'm flattered that someone at NASA would listen to us. I'm excited that those two astronauts have made their way back down to Earth. I'm really excited, actually.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1080.579

I'm, like, genuinely excited for them because I know what a great feeling that must be.

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1093.715

But, yes. But, yes. You know. I one time went to Costa Rica for like a month, month and a half. Yes. And I thought this is going to be the best time of my life. And it was in a lot of ways. But after week number three-ish, I was like, why did I do a month and a half? You know what I'm saying? Like, I got an apartment. I got people there.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1117.056

I got things I could be doing, you know, and I'm stuck there because at that time I didn't, I was young and I didn't know how I could call and change my arrangements.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1129.625

We went and I stayed for three and a half weeks and you were there for a week. So I was there for two weeks after you were. No, that wasn't the time. But I was there for a longer period of time at one point.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1141.072

Yeah. And listen, I loved the people I was with. I loved where I was at. But I was in the jungle of Costa Rica. I wasn't like in some, you know, resort down in Punta Reynos or something like that. Punta Reynos. I don't know. Punch Uranus. I wasn't down there at Punch Uranus. I was up in the middle of nowhere with satellite internet service, which just to let you know, you could. Sucks. Yeah.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1167.71

And this was like 15 years ago. So you could stream a movie, but everybody had to be asleep and everything else had to be turned off. And then you had to buffer. Like you had to load it for an hour before you could watch it. But what I'm saying is that I really enjoyed in the moment what I was doing. But by week number three, I was feeling a little bit like this. I'm ready. Yeah, I'm restless.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1190.525

I want to get home. I want to be at my home. And. It took me another three weeks to get there. Nine months. And some people will say, these are the best in breed. They've been trained to do this. There's no emergency. There's lots of food and oxygen and rest and water and all that other stuff. They're in no danger whatsoever. I'm sorry. The second you leave the ground, you are in danger.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1213.09

No matter what vehicle you're in, you're in danger. Right.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1218.394

Like two weeks.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1223.217

Nine months. Nine months. And I don't care how steely-eyed these commanders were, you have to— There's going to be a movie made.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1233.884

Of course there is. There's going to be a movie made. George Clooney and— George Clooney.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1241.072

Yeah, sure. George Clooney, Sandra Bullock in part two of Stuck in Space or whatever that was.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1250.854

Oh, the documentary is coming quick. With the people and everything. HBO's on that. That'll be out in a year. Don't worry about it. Netflix, HBO, Hulu. Somebody's going to be on that. But I want the dramatic retelling of like a Groundhog Day for nine months where they keep telling you, don't worry, we're fixing the jet engines, the propulsion or whatever.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1272.022

And then they keep just like, you know, stringing you along. You're getting increasingly anxious and nervous. It's going to be a great movie. It's going to be the real Groundhog Day. And I just feel glad that they're home and I hope they're having cheeseburgers and naps.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1287.509

Best to you. Two astronauts. Two astronauts who were probably listening to us in space, I would imagine. Yeah. Why not? All right. Last week, before we had TCB infomercial Tuesday, last Friday, Chrissy and I started to dig into Carl Lentz from Hillsong Church. His triumphant return, his big apology tour has started. He's got his new podcast.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1312.721

And he has decided that with his wife sitting in the room, he is going to tell all of us how they are going to move forward from the tragedy. He had the balls to call it a tragedy. The tragedy.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1325.766

Yeah. Well. Of course he does. He brought it on himself, but let us all think it's a tragedy. As if, you know, a hurricane came swooping his dick into a random babysitter. Yeah. Don't think that's how it happened, but okay. And listen, I want to say this. I believe in second chances. I think we all make mistakes. I've made a lot in my life. I'll make many more. And I'll apologize in advance.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1349.477

I'm sorry. I'm just feeling like this is not the most sincere of apologies. I think Carl needs money and he sees that that bank account is emptying quickly. How can I get back on the gravy train by apologizing and telling everyone I have a new mission to walk with the Lord? And yeah, strap in or strap on, Carl's back. He's going to have a new church in no time.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1376.95

Oh, I'm going to strap on this Bieber hat. And Carl Lentz is going to make his triumphant return to the commercial break after just two days gone. Yeah. He's going to make his triumphant return. So let's get that teed up and we'll be back to continue our conversation with Carl Lentz.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1395.942

Yeah, he's not even, he's telling his wife what to say, basically. But anyway, we'll get into it.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1495.083

Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1513.1

And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1531.872

They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything. You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Serea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. Okay, here we are again with Carl Lentz, our good friend from the Hillsong Church.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

155.206

We did make a deal with Disney+, Max.com, Hulu, SiriusXM, and Spotify to do a number of documentaries, Chrissy, but that was it. What was it? Besides The Sun, The Globe, Washington Post, New York Times, my own blog, my vlog, this new podcast, and Logan Paul's video cast.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1555.843

Best friends with Bieber for a period of time. He was caught...

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1561.115

preaching on a full dick as i like to say with his hard sword of the lord and a couple of lovely ladies yes victory v and a yoga instructor and a babysitter and dropping cash at somebody's mom's house to make sure she didn't talk there's a lot of shenanigans going on with carl and he got caught and he's explained on friday you can go back and listen to it he's explained the moment when it all went down and where they were and how they got there nowhere to go

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1585.609

Nowhere to go. They got kicked out of the house they were staying at. I imagine somebody regarding somebody had to do that. Somebody famous or somebody had to do with the church was not having it. They did not want all that kind of drama in front of their apartment or their condo. So now we are getting to the point where Carl's having a conversation with his wife.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1604.533

His wife is asking some questions to Carl and Carl is then telling her what to ask, when to ask it, how to ask it, because that's what you do. Oh, let me get my phone out here. to make sure that if Carl calls, we've got it. Hey, girl. Hey, Christian.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1622.748

Well, I just got to say, it's been a long time since I had an opportunity to preach to the fairer sex. And also, it's hard looking at just the same tits night after night after night. And that's not the way the Lord has taught us. He said, thou shalt have variety in the nipples and the navels. And the good word of the Lord preaches it to us.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1650.668

But I got this girl, my wife, she's just not understanding of the Bible right now because, you know, I did accidentally slip and jizz all over the babysitter. And so I just, I don't know how to say this and make sure that I'm in touch and in step with all that God has given us. Can I see your tits? Yeah. Send me a picture. I'll Venmo you over a couple dollars. Thanks, Chrissy.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1679.686

Tell Jeff I said hello. He's going to heaven if you send me a picture of your tits.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1695.139

It was the not letting go part that was hard. That's where I got in some trouble. That's when I got a little revved up. High on coffee. Full of semen. I needed to let it go, as Elsa would say. Let it go. Let it blow. All right. Well, let me get back to my apology. I'll call you later, Chrissy.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1744.784

It's not fair to the, by some accounts, millions of people who are tuning in, showing up at your church, giving you guys money, you know, dancing to the techno music.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1756.734

bead of the Lord I don't know what you guys were doing over that church Bieber and Haley and all those people who it's not fair to is the people that you were standing up there preaching about all the piety that you needed everyone else to adhere to while you were living the rock star lifestyle it was hypocrisy that's what wasn't fair I don't care about the I mean I don't care about the cheating because it didn't happen to me I don't think you did right by your wife or your kids but that's that's my own personal moral compass and

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1786.258

It's the part where you tell everybody else to do something, but you refuse to adhere to that yourself. It's hypocrisy.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1815.951

Let it rain and it will grow. And it is growing, Chrissy. And that is why I'm calling upon you today to... First of all, $19.95 plus $19.95 shipping and handling, and you get access to my new app called LetItGoLentz.com. And then also, you get a discount if you allow me inside your universe. And by universe, I mean uterus. And that's just how we do it here at Let It Go Lentz.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

188.584

Yeah, boy! Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1927.546

Now, listen, taking your own life is nothing to be joking about. No, no, no.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1952.095

That's right. Spend another 38 minutes on the highest setting in your tanning bed at the house and then get out of it, put on your gold chains, and let's start a podcast.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

1986.561

That's what you mean, right, Carl? Because I'm pretty sure that's what you're saying without saying it. Some men that have chosen not to leave because they're getting paid to do so. Your agent, your attorney, your manager, that's who you count on in these moments. Every celebrity does. If you don't get dropped by them, that's what happens. But a cheating scandal, you know, that's for a PR company.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

199.007

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. How the hell are you? You know, we haven't had a chance to talk about this yet, and it's... Way after the fact now, but you heard it here last on the commercial break, as you always do. I just might let you know that, that if you're listening, you're hearing information you heard already.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

2006.932

That's a Tuesday morning. Right.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

2088.821

Back up.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

2119.329

We did make a deal with Disney+, Max.com, Hulu, SiriusXM, and Spotify to do a number of documentaries, Chrissy, but that was it, besides The Sun, The Globe, Washington Post, New York Times. My own blog, my vlog, this new podcast, and...

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

2141.386

logan paul's videocast i mean that's quiet hey listen for me that's quiet for me that's quiet that's quiet i also did another babysitter a couple dances listen you can take the lens out of the pants but you can't take the pants out of the lens you know what i'm saying

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

217.216

The two astronauts stuck in space for almost nine months have had an opportunity to return home to their... Planet of origin here on Earth. And thanks to SpaceX. I mean, there's no other way to put that. Even NASA said without Trump's intervention and Elon, those two would have probably not gotten home for a long time because there were no scheduled rocket launches scheduled.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

2182.143

By the way, to be fair, the commercial break included. I reached out to Lance and I got no response.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

2242.403

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

240.298

No scheduled rescuable, I don't know, vehicles to go up there and get them down. And that fucking Boeing piece of shit is still floating around up there, stuck on the space station. Unbelievable. I mean, what a bad string of luck for Boeing. I mean, I just guess they're bad at what they do now. But doors flying off, wings falling out, planes falling out of the sky, and then they can't...

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

2426.01

Thank you. Thank you.

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2489.807

Thank you. Thank you.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

2571.107

Thank you. Thank you.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

264.025

They get billion, billion, billion dollar contracts from the government to make a space capsule and they can't even get the thing to fly home. It's kind of an embarrassment. But, you know, in this case, I will give it to Trump and to Elon. They got somebody up there to drive them home, I guess, an Uber up to the ISS. Yeah. And now they're back home, frailer than they were before.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

2651.349

Thank you. Thank you.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

286.52

After nine months in space, everything changes. Your body, your eyeball structure changes. Did you know that? I did not. So gravity helps to keep the shape of your eyes. So when there is no gravity, your eyes change shape because the fluid around it and they're just kind of squishy textured. So they change. The eyes change shape.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

2895.356

. . . . . .. a, P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P,實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a just a

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

2953.891

Well, I'd like you to come on a commercial break and make amends with us because we had a whole character based on you. And then you went away for two years and we had to put the character away. And what about us, Carl? What about us? What about our show? What about the things that you, the pain that you caused us and me personally?

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

3037.644

A whole lot of buzzwords over and over and over again. I think you made your point. Now.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

3054.4

People want to pay me to get an ad-free version of this episode. I can't change it. I can't. What am I supposed to do, Chrissy? Money's just hitting me in the head. I can't help it.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

307.276

So when you get back down to Earth and then gravity is pulling on your eyeballs again, some people have trouble seeing like clearly. And so it takes them a while for that eyeball to change. get that shape back. So there's all kinds of consequences to being up in space for that long. No surprise there. I mean, when you don't have gravity, it's just much easier on everything.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

3102.264

You fucked hot girls. That were under your guise. Or maybe not. Maybe you were having sex with multiple women, some of which were part of your church, some of which were not a part of your church. I don't know because you haven't told that part of the story. That seems to be the one part of the story you're avoiding. Yeah. I don't think anyone ever blamed your wife for that.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

3123.868

Maybe some people did, but I don't think anyone ever blamed your wife for that. But that is not an addiction. That is some dumb thinking. That is some dumb, dumb thinking. That's all it is. Not everything in life is an addiction. Here we go. Psycho psychoanalyzing sub sub sub genre of mental health illness is to make a category specifically for us. The reason why we did these things.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

3147.419

But the truth is, it's just a dumb decision. To have sex when you're such a public figure with people who clearly may or may not decide to have their own agency and go out there and tell that story. You got caught. That's what happened. It's not an addiction. It's a dumb decision.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

3182.371

I mean, complicit. Why would his wife be complicit?

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3187.693

Or maybe they had an open marriage. Oh, maybe that's what people thought.

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3191.534

Huh. Now that's a twist I could get with. Now that's a TLC reality show waiting to happen. Yes, it is. Carl Lentz, the thruple.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

3242.86

Okay, this is going to be another. They're going to jack each other off here for the next 30 minutes, and I don't know that I'm with it. I don't even know that I need to platform all the BS. Listen, I hope that he is a changed guy. That's all I can say. I hope he's a changed guy. We've had some good laughs at his expense. And we might continue to do that.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

3259.55

I'll say that Carl is a character in our universe that is exaggerated probably from the real human being. He's obviously in a lot of pain. He put a lot of people through a lot of pain. And I do hope that he is a reformed dude because everyone deserves a second chance, including Carl. And I don't think what he's done is the worst sin in the world.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

327.849

But what's the first thing you are eating when you get back?

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3277.404

I think that my opinion is the hypocrisy at the church is more damning than anything, at least to the wider universe, than anything that he did, you know, in personal indiscretions. That's painful to his wife and his children. But... More of that religious, you know, let me take your money and hope everything works out kind of thing. So I hope Bieber forgives you.

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NASA Is Listening...To TCB?!

3300.208

Has Bieber forgiven you is the question.

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3302.911

Yeah, that's the one I want to know. Bieber, call us. Bieber's on his own terror right now. What's going on with him? You see, he's all kind of a mess. Yeah, he's like making posts that are weird and you didn't know. Look into it. Google it when you get home. They do a little hunting, pecking. And I don't know. I don't know. But that's just what's on there.

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3322.923

Yeah, but like the last few months, apparently like more erratic and people are a little concerned, wondering if he's trolling or what the deal is. I don't know. I don't know. But some people think he was caught up in some of that Diddy stuff, and maybe that's kind of leaking out the side of his brain.

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3341.542

Oh, yeah?

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3345.825

They're doing pre-motion trials right now, back and forth, and the government's putting more evidence in, and lawyers are trying to get more evidence out.

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3357.014

Sentenced? Sentenced, yes. Well, if even half of it is true or a quarter of it or a tenth of it, it's pretty bad stuff. So let's see. Innocent vote proven guilty. That's the way that it is. But it sure does look, from my point of view, like some shenanigans were going on there. All right. More shenanigans on the tcbpodcast.com website.

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337.953

I'm having a fat cheeseburger with as many French fries as I can stuff down my gullet, a milkshake, and some vagina.

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3377.591

All the audio, all the video, all of our shenanigans right there from one location. At the commercial break on Instagram, tcbpodcast on TikTok and youtube.com slash the commercial break. For all the video, the same day it airs here on the audio, 212-433-3TCB. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, or a voicemail if you'd like to be on the show. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

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3400.687

Hi, thanks. I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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348.348

Oh, yeah. For you, an entire bottle of wine. For me, a whole box of cream and cereal. Yeah. I'm going on a run. I'm going on an epic run. I'm putting that weight back on immediately. Because I can only imagine that the worst part about being stuck in space, besides not knowing if you're ever going to come home to your planet, is not being able to eat anything that tastes like anything.

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368.813

That's space food. I don't think it's gotten much better. I don't know.

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386.934

It's just got to be awful. Yeah, it's all freeze-dried. You can't have liquidy stuff up there, nothing with juices in it, because then the juice flies everywhere. So everything's got to be freeze-dried. And while I'm sure that they've gotten better at the taste of things, the texture of things is probably not very good. Maybe they have hamburgers, but they're completely dry, dried out.

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406.718

It's just all got to be gross at the end of the day. And you can only take so much of that. It's not like they have a chef up there preparing meals. You're eating a certain variety.

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415.18

variety of food and you're eating it over and over again thank god for that iss or they would have been fucked those who would have been like that is my nightmare about space kids there it is right there is that we get up there and then in some interstellar weird situation 150 years has passed by before i get to come home to earth and everybody's much older than i am like that's the weird shit that goes on in space that i'm not cool with i we're not there yet

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441.963

We're not there. Space travel is not common. It's not like taking a cruise or a train or a plane. When we get there, if we get there in my lifetime, then possibly I would consider it if it was something that had been done hundreds of thousands or millions of times.

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456.142

Yeah. And there's like a Ritz-Carlton up there. You know what I'm saying? Like there's like an indoor pool and gravity and a chef to cook you meals. The moon Ritz. The Ritz a la moon. The Luna Ritz. Ritz Luna.

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470.929

La Luna Ritz. If there's one of those up there and they figured out the gravity thing and the food thing and everything else and not having my eyeball change into a weird shape and not being able to see when I get home, I already can't see. If I go up to space, I'm fucked. I'm coming home blind.

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Hey, listen, some people might think that way. I know, for me, it would be the exact opposite. That I, in fact, would be fucked. That I would have no sight when I got home. Okay, so that was exciting news. I watched the splashdown. I saw them take them out of the capsule and all that. I thought that was very... A big deal. Yeah, it's a big deal. And I felt happy for them. And...

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So right around that time, I get a text message on our hotline here. And that text message has a picture of a picture of those two astronauts as that news is, you know, the news is they're coming home. We're going to get them back down right before the, you know, maybe a week before they actually splash down. I get a picture of a picture of those two astronauts.

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It's a picture of them like on a wall. And somebody who's been writing us for a while says, here, check out these two. I pass by them every day on my way to the bathroom. And I'm like, well, let me respond to this one personally, because I want to understand exactly what kind of office you're working in where you have pictures of astronauts near the bathroom.

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You know, the one that every astronaut in the history of ever has ever had. You know what I'm talking about.

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No bubble head. And the suits have gotten prettier. I will give them that. They have managed to get those suits now just look like a jumper, essentially. Now, how they keep space out, I'm not sure. But I don't want any space in my suit. In my space suit, I want no space. You know what I'm saying? But anyway, so I think to myself...

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Well, either this guy works in a place where they really, really like space or he has some important job where they have pictures of astronauts on the wall. Let me respond directly. And since I've talked to him before, I say, hey, man, why exactly do you have pictures of these two near your bathroom? And he says, because I work at the Kennedy Space Center. That's why.

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And I'm like, you work for NASA? Yeah. Wow. Yes, I do. Well, you may be a little excited that you're talking to Brian from the commercial break. Why? I have no idea. I mean, you know, I'm just a dude. But I am extra excited that I am talking to an actual rocket engineer, like, you know, a guy who helps people go to space. Yes. That's amazing. I'm so excited about this. And I really was.

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I was like fanboying a little bit. I'm like, wow, a NASA person is actually listening to the commercial break. To which I reply, well, there's a first for every, I mean, you know, I'm like paraphrasing here. There's a first for everything. You must be the first person in the history of the commercial break that works at NASA and is listening to the commercial break.

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To which he responds, probably not. I think I know differently. And I don't want to get into all the details because I don't want, you know, I don't know if he wants to be known or doesn't want to be known. But I suspect there may be some fans of ours working at NASA.

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And to which I say, what in the good fuck is going on at NASA that there are commercial break fans working at the highest levels of intellectual institutes? Do you know what I'm saying?

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There should be rules around this.

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Yes, I would say, Chrissy.

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No knock on you. And the point is taken. And I would say, yes, it's like Brian tuning in to Seven Little Johnsons while he's editing the show. Correct. Just to have some noise on in the background and see if I can hear something interesting. It would be like that if either of us were employed in the business of sending people to space and we're not. We are just too dumb. I mean, I'm a dumb, dumb.

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You're relatively smart, but I'm a dumb, dumb editing a podcast that no one gives a shit about, except for maybe a few people at NASA. I mean, that is just like to me, that's really exciting stuff. I go to bed thinking to myself, wow, we we did it.

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Yes, seven degrees of dum-dums. Yes, seven degrees of dum-dums, at which point you reach someone intelligent is in that seven degrees. That's right. I'm excited because someone with intelligence has reached our sphere of influence here. That's crazy. I am definitely feeling, I don't know, a sense of... A little pep in yourself? Yeah, I got a little pep in myself.

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A sense of achievement, a sense of accomplishment that someone who is much, much smarter than I am and probably actually went to school and paid attention is, you know... listening to our show and enjoying it. I think that's great. I think it's great.

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So to the NASA employees out there who are listening to the show or employee, however many of you there are, I will tell you that we love your mission. I am all about it. And even though you will never catch me putting on one of those spacesuits with no space, I will tell you right now that I appreciate what you're doing because I think it is important. I do think space exploration is important.

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I went to that one that's over in Huntsville, Huntsville, Alabama, space camp, which a lot of my friends went to for the summer. Yes. Like the month long, you know, your parents pay ten thousand dollars and you, you know, do the thing. But apparently that not only I don't think I don't know if it exists anymore. I'm sure in some form or fashion it does.

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But apparently not only was that fun for the kids, but in some cases could help to fast track you to a space program. Like you could go work at NASA. That was one of the things you could put on your resume that would say, hey, listen, I'm interested in working here. I went to space camp. Now, I don't know how many kids that went to space camp actually became astronauts, but I'm sure there's a few.

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There's got to have been a few, right, throughout the years. Definitely. I never went to space camp, but I went to the Huntsville Space Center. And that is where I stuck a pizza onto the ceiling and poured 320 pixie sticks into the hotel air conditioner room and made everybody three and a half hours late because I had to clean it.

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So I think if it wasn't clear from the beginning that I was not going to be qualified to work at NASA... I'm sure they have that on my record somewhere.

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It's got to be on my record somewhere. But we did go, and we did get to do a few of the things. I think we were there for two days, and we did get to do some of the things that you would do in space camp, ride that twirly-whirly thing, you know, which I remember was not a pleasant feeling particularly. It was like, you know, and we were kids. I think they were giving us the kid version of the ride.

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But that thing, you know, the circular thing where they spin you around in all kind of different directions? Yes. I do remember vaguely being in that. I do remember it not being a pleasant feeling because, of course, it's not. You're just throwing your lunch all over the place. And while I love rides, roller coasters, any of that stuff, get me on it tomorrow. I love it.

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That I don't think I felt like it was a pleasant feeling. What else did we do? I think we got to go in like a simulated space shuttle and, you know, press the buttons, stuff like that. We got to put on some of the gear.

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We got to look at the, you know, they always have to put you through the boring part too, where you look at what they actually do in space with experiments and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I just wanted the fun stuff. Rocket, rocket ride up, rocket ride down. That's what I wanted to be a part of. But then I had to go through the boring stuff to get there too. So, you know, never.

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Experiments. It's the only mission of those things. And to release, you know, secret CIA spy satellites. That's it. That's the only thing that they do. There's no purpose to being in space except to determine if we can, in fact, carve space. carve a way to make a life up there in space longer than whatever. What's the current record? 165, I mean, 390 days or something like that?

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Yeah. And I think that guy, one of the senators, don't we have a senator now? Yeah, there was two twins. Mark Kelly? Yeah, the Kelly twins. Mark Kelly and John Kelly, I think. Yeah, yeah.

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You'll Always Have Chipper!

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She has just disappeared.

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Probably a lawyer told her to do that. Yeah, exactly. Yes. A lawyer probably said, hey.

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They might be investigating you. Yeah. Well, I mean, it is a pretty obvious scam. It's a pretty obvious scam. And despite what everyone involved in it says, it's an obvious scam. So the hot to a girl, no more. All right. So let's do this. Let us take a short break. And we come back. We're going to continue to celebrate New Year's with you. We're going to make some college football predictions.

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We're going to try and keep one or two men around the listenership around here.

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You're drinking out of the bottle.

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Oh, okay. Here, you got one right there. All right, we're getting saucy on a New Year's Day here on The Commercial Break. We'll be back.

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Squarespace makes it easy to sell access to content on your website. Courses, blogs, videos, podcasts, and membership. That reoccurring revenue everybody is looking for so your clients can get access to your content for one-time fees or subscriptions. and then you're definitely going to need a way to take the payments.

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and you'll save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. That's squarespace.com slash commercial, and you'll get 10% off that first purchase of a website or a domain. And thanks to Squarespace for being a continuing sponsor of our small business and the commercial break. This episode is sponsored in part by Chime Credit.

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And thanks to Chime Credit for being a sponsor of the commercial break. This episode is sponsored in part by ShipStation. Well, if you've been listening to the commercial break over the holidays, then you know that Chrissy, Christina, and I have been hard at work knocking out 25 episodes in one single month. So we understand just how chaotic a business can be.

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You'll Always Have Chipper!

1400.891

We don't need no Hollywood production staff around here. We got our own smoke machines. Fuck you.

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Fuck all the agents and the smoke machines. We got it covered. Fuck it. We'll do it live. All right. Happy New Year. We're back. Let's make some college football playoff predictions.

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Let's assume that Notre Dame is going to win that one, though Indiana, I think, is a pretty good team this year. Let's assume Notre Dame is going to do that one. On yesterday, New Year's Eve, we would have had, you make these predictions, and then we'll see if they come true. Okay. SMU at Penn State. Number 11 against number 6. Who are you going to go with? I'm going to write these down.

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We'll see what happens. Penn State. Okay. Chrissy says Penn State. Do you have any interest in college football? Yeah, of course. Do you? No. No. Okay. I didn't think so.

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And we wonder why 90% of our audience is female.

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Well, there you go.

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I stepped foot on a campus with a football team once.

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I dated a girl and went to an SEC school once. Right. I wrote on my resume one time I went to a school without a football team. I didn't get that job, though. Didn't get that job. Background checks.

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All right. Number 12, Clemson against number five, Texas.

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Okay. So you're going to say Clemson. Are you going to say Clemson? I don't know. I'm also going to say Penn State. Okay. And I'm going to say Texas.

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Okay. I think that Texas, I think their butt hurt a little bit about the two Georgia losses in a year. So I think they're going to come back rowdy and ready to go. All right. Another game being played on New Year's Eve is the Boise State-Penn State game.

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Oh, I'm sorry. Boise State against the... We're playing Duke. Well, it's going to be Penn State because they won. This is like the next bracket.

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Yeah, it's a bracket now. That's how they're doing it now. That's how they're doing it now. This concludes the football portion of the commercial break.

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And we wonder why.

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We are. But it's a bracket.

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Boise State got a bye because they're ranked number three. Yes. So they're number three. Penn State will be number six. You predicted Penn State will win. So those will be the two that play. I also predicted Penn State would win. So it's number three against number six.

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And Chipper came, and we were all sitting in a booth, and Chipper slid in, and man was he miffed. He was hot. He was hot. He came in hot. But at that time, nothing else, nothing was going on. So the first thing that this young lady does is head to the bathroom. So that me and Chipper are there alone. And I'm like, so, hey, Chip, what's going on? And he's like, he's like, you tell me, bro.

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You're going Penn State. Okay, Penn State makes it to the next one.

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Oh, you do? Or Pennsylvania. What's your connection to Penn?

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Okay, I'm going to go Boise State because I think they're really good. And why do I think that? Because they have a three in front of their head. Because they have a three and the other one has a six in front of it. This is exactly how people choose brackets for basketball. And that's why March Madness, that's why I lose $50 every March. Because I go, oh, well, they're number four.

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They're number 12. They must win. Having no knowledge of any of it. All right. And today, as we sit here, as you're listening to this show, here's the games that are being played. Number four against Arizona State and the Texas Clemson winner. So we said Texas was going to win. So Arizona State, number four against Texas, number five. Who's winning that game?

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Texas. Okay.

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I'm going to go Texas also. So, so far, we're here. We're almost together except for the Penn State one. All right. Number one, Oregon versus Ohio State or Tennessee State?

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I mean, Tennessee. I'm sorry.

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Okay. You're going to say Tennessee. I'm going to say Ohio State. Love you, but I don't think that Tennessee is going to beat Ohio. Why do I not think that? Because the numbers are different. Yeah, that's right. Because their colors are better. Yeah.

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All right, and then the final game on today, January 1st, is going to be Georgia versus the Notre Dame-Indiana winner. We picked Notre Dame, so I have to say Georgia. I'm going Georgia as well. And they are looking good.

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Yeah.

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Okay, so we got Georgia, and you got Georgia, Georgia. So really, it's going to be for you, Penn State versus Texas, Tennessee versus Georgia. That will be very interesting. For me, it will be Boise State, Texas, Ohio, Georgia. That is also an interesting matchup. I like it. So my prediction is that the Bulldogs win this all. Let me tell you this.

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Because I've been watching all the games this season, or some of all the games this season, and Georgia has had two incredible games where they went multiple overtime. Didn't they go nine overtimes? Seven overtimes? There was a lot. In one of those games? It was crazy. It went on until midnight. They just kept on moving back up and down the field.

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I know.

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no that was not the overtime one because georgia won the the seven overtime one that was against uh i can't remember who was against anyway we don't know anything about football so fuck us so here's my prediction if i had to say as a very educated college sportsman guy i would say that georgia's gonna win because they look not so great at the beginning carson beck this this guy who throws the ball guy he that guy who throws the ball guy he tries to

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Lamborghini. He drives a Lamborghini. And that's all I need to know about him. He's my kind of guy. It goes fast. Because nothing says humble sports guy like Lamborghini at 18 years old. Yeah.

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I have tried it. Good shit.

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Oh, yes.

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Yes. Five years ago, he probably would have been driving a 2003 Accord, and they just would have put money in his mom's account. But now they can actually pay him directly, so they give him a Lamborghini. How did he get a fucking Lamborghini? Anyway, Lamborghini went straight to his head.

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Did I say Labraghini? You did. Lamborghini. Labraghini. It's a new breed. It's a Lamborghini. Welcome to the AKC show. It's like a Labradoodle, only with a tailpipe. They're all the rage in the Hamptons, the Lamborghini. It's a mix between a Labrador Retriever and a Porcini Mushroom.

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It's a Lamborghini.

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It keeps your brain strong while not pissing on your carpet, protects the doors. They're lovely. They don't walk so good. And they bark a little weird.

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Yeah, they've got hip problems. Because all those dogs have hip problems. They do. Because every one of those fucking breeds has a hip problem. I saw the other day an Instagram reel, literally in a puppy mill, like in a convention center where they were showing off new breeds of dog. And this guy was so excited.

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You're probably smoking crack cocaine. Aw yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my hungover friend Chrissy. Best to you, Chrissy.

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He's like, this is a, you know, it's a mix between a Labradoodle and a Poopadoodle and a Zoopadoodle. It's a Fluffadoodle. And he's like, this is all the rage in Japan. It's this little tiny thing with these big eyeballs. And it was like, it couldn't keep its head up. It was a Pokemon.

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It couldn't keep its head up. It kept falling to the side. And I was like, that poor thing. It's missing chromosomes.

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You can't breed them like that.

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They're not supposed to be bred like that. Dogs are meant to be inbred. Just keep breeding them the same. That's how it goes. That's why mutts are so smart. Exactly. When they try to make those designer dogs, they end up being like Blue.

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Yes. Blue's not even a fucking Yorkie. I got to be honest with you. We bought a Yorkie, but that's not a Yorkie. You don't have papers. Yorkies are small. I have no papers. Papers. Papers. I bought it in a double wide. Conyers, Georgia.

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Yes. It's always Conyers. Fucking Conyers.

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We rode the Ferris wheel at the Conyers Fair.

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Yes. We also went to the world's biggest hoity-doity down or whatever it was, the Hokey Pokey Bar, whatever the fuck it was.

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That place was terrible. That's where like Chipper Jones showed up drunk and... Was mad at me because I was screwing his girlfriend and he was married. What? Yes. Okay. Dive in, please.

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All right. I got to tell this story. Chipper... I love you. You probably don't even remember this because God bless you, child. But Jeffrey Jones is a very famous baseball player in the 90s and 2000s for the Braves. He's like, he will go down in history as one of the best Braves players ever. He was truly a franchise man. He played the Braves almost his entire career.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. I'm easing you in this time. Easing you in. So that when you wake up from your hangover, you don't feel terrible. I'm so drinky.

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But Chipper had a way with the ladies. Yes, he did. And this was no secret.

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He was a handsome dude, third baseman. He could sit there all summer long and just talk to the girls on the side because he was playing third base. And Chipper had a couple of kids out of wedlock. He ended up dating a Hooters girl. That Hooters girl got pregnant. And he had his problems being faithful. And I don't think this was any secret to anybody who knew Chipper or even didn't know Chipper.

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Yeah, like a lot of sports people. Sports, yeah. Sports man's people. The sports man's people. Ben Carson, the football thrower guy. The football thrower guy. So Jimford took a liking to some of the cheerleaders for the Braves. They were called the Braves, the Bravers or something, the Brave Girls or whatever. Well, Brian also took a liking to the Braver Girls, too. Yes, he did.

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A lot. And there was a young lady who was there who we kind of kindled a little flame for the summer.

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Yes, it was a Yule log. It was more like a, I don't know.

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It was more like a Boy Scout trying to start a fire for the first time. Fumbling around with his stick, his twigs and berries. You know what I'm saying? But anyway, she was lovely. But I knew pretty early on because she told me that she was also involved with Chipper Jones. And I thought to myself, well, you know, whatever. Let me dive in. If it's good enough for Chipper, it's good enough for me.

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I should do this. I should do this. This sounds like a great idea. Yeah. Why not? I mean, Chipper's married. I'm not, you know, let her have her cake and eat it, too. What do I care? So but here's the thing.

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So it got hot and heavy for a few weeks, but then I just decided it was best just to be friends because I didn't want I really didn't want to, like, be on the bad side of a professional baseball player who didn't whose personal life seemed to be a little bit of a disaster. And he would oftentimes look at us sitting in his seats at the Braves Stadium, not lovingly. That's just the eye that I got.

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I know. Look at you. You little drunky skunky. Chrissy's our little drunky skunky. Listen, every podcast needs one. That's right. Brianna has Grace. I have Chrissy. Have you been keeping up with this whole thing about Brianna Chicken Fry and Grace O'Malley?

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So when Chipper came to this bar. It was this huge bar. Huge. Huge honky-tonk.

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Huge bar.

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Darts?

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Oh, flip cup. Yeah, flip cup when that was a popular thing to do. Back in the 70s when that was a thing.

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back in the disco years we used to twirl and touch but then came country western and my arm got sore so he came and this young lady was there at our invite it was like a it was all the 94.9 the bowl all the braves people everybody was there i invited her she came chrissy and i took an uber it took seven days to get there and seven thousand dollars from where we lived in downtown Atlanta.

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Yes. And Chipper came, and we were all sitting in a booth, and Chipper slid in, and man was he miffed. He was hot. He was hot. He came in hot. But at that time, nothing was going on. So the first thing that this young lady does is head to the bathroom so that me and Chipper are there alone. And I'm like, so, hey, Chip, what's going on? And he's like, you tell me, bro. And I was like,

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I have no idea what you're talking about. And he was like, yeah, I bet, bro.

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He had a few. And he was like, yeah, I bet, bro. And I was like, listen, Chipper, nothing. Whatever. It's done. We're over. We're over. Chipper, buddy. I'm done having an affair with her. Now you can continue. Okay? We're sharing. We're buddies. We're vulva buddies. All right. I don't know what to tell you. What do you want me to do? And he was hot.

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And, you know, so it we there was uncomfortableness for like five minutes as she went to the bathroom. I just kind of muddled my way through a conversation. And then when she came back, I left. But this wasn't the last time.

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I know. I was like, OK, Chrissy, let's go. Time to go. And then we took another $7,000 cab ride where we were like, can you put $5 on this card and $6 on this card? And I have $20 in cash. And then do you take Diner's Club? Do you take Groupon? Remember when that was a thing? Do you take Groupon?

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Oh, my God.

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I think they forced us to buy Groupons at Clear Channel.

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We did. Like the clear day, half days or something, clear days.

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Oh, the sponsors would come to us and then every day it was a new thing.

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It was a lot of massage and nail places. Let's be honest about it. They didn't have enough money to advertise, so they would give a deal out and then they would get talked about on air. It was like a way to bring them into work. It was...

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Yeah. Well, listen, there's a lot of things in my life that if you would ask me what I regretted in 2013 or seven or whatever it was, I would have been like dating Chipper Jones girlfriend. But we remained friends for me and this young lady remained friends for a long time. Yeah. And so because I like he would talk to her when, you know, while he was like,

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I am not the only one keeping up with this. Okay, Christine is a little bit tuned into this. All right, so here it is. You ready? Okay, and happy New Year's, everybody.

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He would talk to her on the field and he would come over and talk to her on this other thing. And so I learned I knew which seats were chippers, like the ones that he could give away for his family, that his family was suspiciously never there. It was always her or some of her friends or whatever. And so I always stayed out of those seats from moving forward.

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I was like, I don't want to end up in the bar with me. What's that?

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Yeah, and up in the bar with you. And then I had this pass where I could walk down in the locker room, right? I could walk down where the players went. I could park over there. I could go inside the locker. I could go in the – they don't – I'm sure they do not do this anymore. But back then it was a little more loosey-goosey.

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I could walk in past the police officer down under the stadium, and I could walk straight into the stadium where the players walked into the stadium. And I just remember one time, weeks after this whole happened, all this happened, and I'm walking past the part with all the, you know, the clubhouse where the players are, like the locker rooms, and Shepard Jones is standing there.

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And I was like, hey, bro. And his response was, yeah.

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Yeah. I tried to keep it cool. He did.

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I was like, hey, man, I don't want to fight you. You're 12 times the size of me. Now Chipper owns a bar.

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Hope you're enjoying your day, watching lots of football. That's a great thing to do.

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And I think he's been married for a while. I think he's been happily married for a while. I think he's been through a couple divorces. But, you know, I, you know, anyway, whatever. Here I am spilling the tea on Chipper Jones 20 years later. It's not it's not chicken. It's not Brianna chicken fry, but it's some kind of drama. OK, there you go. You got the Chipper Jones story out of me.

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I shared a vulva with Chipper Jones.

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All right.

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OK, let's take a let's take a break, please. Get me out of this story. I probably just caused a legal divorce. Yeah, there's legal action happening. All right. We'll be back.

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Drinking mimosas, having a brunch, ringing in the New Year with friends, family, or yourself, which is what I did a lot of years in a row. Now that I think about it, it's kind of sad. I wish I had joined Chrissy. A widespread panic. I like coconuts. You can't break them open and they smell like ladies lying in the sun. All right. So lots of football on today. Lots of stuff to be discussed.

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Hey, your immune system's going to thank you, and now you can get up to 45% off when you use the code TCB. That's 45% off when you use that code TCB on Groons Vitamins, and thank you to Groons for being a sponsor of The Commercial Break.

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a day and a half uh yeah chipper was married three times he was married once from 92 to 99 i won't mention their names because maybe they don't want the attention but maybe they don't want people to know that they were cheated on uh and then his uh the wife that he would have been married to when i was around was uh from 2000 to 2012 so that didn't last very much longer after i left and then he's been happily married since 2015 and he's got a number of children here and there and everywhere

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here and there and everywhere and that's the story yeah that's the story man i i just i forgot totally forgot about that period of my life until you you you told me that was a summer i'm here yeah and that was a summer that was easy to forget yes because there is so much drinking going on so much drinking going on i mean those were the good old days Yes. So let me tell you a story about that.

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We're here at the commercial break. We're going to take it easy on you. We're here in our pajamas just like you are. And we're going to enjoy a nice episode.

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I'll piggy front off this and I'll tell you this story, you know, to get to get you in the New Year mood. Yeah, that was a good bad old days. That's right. Like we look back upon it fondly. But some of those days when we were in it didn't feel so great. Right. A lot of people getting laid off that the economy was terrible.

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We're so glad we didn't lay it off. And then three months later, we're like, shit, we should have gotten laid off. We should have taken that package. Okay. So... I don't know if you remember this, but we used to go to this bar. I mean, I know you remember this part. Central City Tavern. It was across the street from my house.

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Every fucking day we went to this place. And it didn't matter if we had gone somewhere else, we would end the night at Central City Tavern. Or we'd begin the night at Central City Tavern.

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The very first place we ever went out to drink. Next to the Mexican place. Yes, next to the Mexican place. And then they moved across the street from where I lived in this like shopping mall.

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It was serendipitous. You could walk there. Yeah, you could walk there. And I did a lot. Or you could drive there relatively safely because it was only a tenth of a mile, right? It was a tenth of a mile and the Atlanta PD had much more bigger fish to fry than Brian.

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Well, we usually do do every episode in our pajamas until we got the fucking cameras in here. Now I got to wear a shirt every day. I got to wear...

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That's right.

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Where I would go have margaritas and then go to Central. And then go over to the other place. It was my favorite 1-2 combo. Start off at the Mexican, we'd serve her some cheese dip and a couple tortillas and then walk over and get loaded at Central City Tavern. Then go wherever it was for the night that we were going to go. Then come back to Central City Tavern. That's right.

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So there was a girl that was working. That was lunch. I know. It was so crazy. Those years were so crazy. So crazy. Oh, man. I'd be a millionaire if I didn't drink so much. So, and we knew all the bartenders over there and everyone was friendly. And it was just like, it was like cheers for us, right? It was that kind of place. And this place was enormous, the Central City Tavern.

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And they had a bar area. And the only place that ever had people was the bar area. The restaurant, it was just completely empty. That's true. All the time. Sometimes they'd have a band in the corner and no one was listening to it. Just loud and obnoxious. So there was a girl who waited tables on that side, like on the restaurant side, restaurant at Central City Tavern, but the restaurant side.

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clothes according to Astrid half the time I was like a newscaster with like pajama bottoms on and a shirt I know now we have to wear actual clothing to the show it kind of kind of sucks but anyway it's a small price to pay to have every episode moving forward on youtube.com slash the commercial break available right now this episode you can watch us in our pajamas all right so listen

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And to me, and I think to a lot of other people, she looked like Elsie from, do you remember that? So I called her Elsie. I would call her Elsie. Well, she had a kid and over months I wore her down and I finally got her phone number over months of tipping and hanging out. And, you know, I just, I always,

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thought she was cute but then one day you know we just got talking and then we we exchanged numbers and i said let me take you to it she's she was a braves fan she hadn't been to many games and i said let me take you to a braves game i got that pass i can get you in and you know we could have really good seats i got that good good yes and so i got that good good i got those third row seats where you get wet just sitting there staring at as chipper jones flirts with you from the third baseline you know what i'm saying

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I've shared a Volvo with that guy. How does that make you feel? Are you quivering in desire yet? How do those seats feel now?

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You want some cotton candy? I think I could scrounge one up for you.

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Yes. We sit in the seats where they don't yell at you about stuff. They bring it to you. They wait tables here. So I say, let me take you to a game. And she calls me that morning. It's a Saturday afternoon game. And she calls me that morning and she says, I'd like to bring my son. And I'm like, oh, I am in way over my fucking head now. But okay, bring your son.

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Yeah. You weren't there. I remember this. Or if you were there, you were somewhere else.

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But we go this Saturday afternoon. I get there early, as I always did. Yeah, it was a Saturday afternoon.

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I had managed to pick myself up and get to there. So I got there early and started drinking, as one does when they're on a first date with somebody. And by the time she got there with her kid, I was well in the bologna sandwich. You know what I'm saying? And the Braves cheerleader was like, we had not been together for a minute, but this whole incident with Chipper Jones had already happened.

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But the Braves cheerleader was there and she was on me. She was like on me like glue.

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She felt it. That's right. Exactly. So when the LC got to the stadium with her son, I tried to dedicate some time to LC and her son. But the Braves cheerleader would not leave us alone. She came up. I remember we were sitting at this table, like in one of those park bench tables, like having a hot dog or something.

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Me, drunk, you know, Elsie with her kid trying to go, oh, first guy I introduce after daddy's gone is a fucking lush.

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He's a 33-year-old divorce radio sales guy. He's got that pass. And hey, the cheerleaders like him. The other drunk cheerleaders. The other drunks like him. He must be a good guy. Now I'm thinking about this, wondering how I ever managed to get laid with anybody. And how I probably will never get laid again. After I tell this story, Astrid's going to go, oh, it's worse than I thought.

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Oh, I know she knows. Yeah, all these stories are not new to her. These are all the stories I tell to woo a woman. Let me tell you about this funny time I went to the Braves game. Knocked dicks with Chipper Jones.

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Let me give you the lowdown. Drama drop on Brianna and Grace. Brianna Chicken Fry had that big fallout with Zach Bryan. She accused him of controlling behavior, breaking up with her online, generally being verbally abusive, and then he pulled some real douchebag moves.

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Yeah. Hey. Yeah. Cool. So here I am. We're at this table and we're sitting there and over comes a brave cheerleader. And she sits down right next to this girl, Elsie. And she starts talking to her.

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Oh, Oh, we love Brian here. Brian, Brian, Brian. He said he's always here. He's always drinking. He's always got a bunch of friends. It's so good. You know what? I've got some extra seats available. A little close. Let's get that little guy up there close. Chipper Jones seats. Let's get Chipper Jones seats.

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So she was angling. She angled to cock block me.

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And she did cock block me. Because when we got down to those seats... Guess who magically didn't need to work until the seventh inning? The Braves cheerleader. And she sat right there. Right there. Next to Elsie. Right there. Unbelievable. Playing with the kid. Talking to Elsie the entire time. By the end of the afternoon, Elsie was like... They were best friends. They were best friends.

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I was out. And Elsie was like, this has been a lot of fun.

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Yes. Those two are in. I'm out. It's me and the kid holding our baseball bats in our hands. Well, no tiki, no taki today, kid. Didn't get a foul ball, and I'm not going to get any balls. But, hey, at least I shared a vulva with Chipper Jones. You'll always have that.

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I'll always have that. I'm telling you what, man, it was very interesting. And, you know, hey, listen, it was many, many years ago, and I've sobered up since then, and I'm still a jerk, but I'm not drunk, so one could be forgiven for all that jazz. All right, well, listen, I hope all the college football goes well. Happy New Year. Let's get the fuck out of here and take a vacation. God bless you.

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Let's get these girls home before they kill somebody. Driving is going to be a bitch, girls, so don't hate me. But you get many, many days off. So there you go. Well, you get many, many days off. You get a few days off. I'll take a few days off. We'll figure it out.

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Yeah, can you edit episodes 665 through 672? Oh, Chrissy. The MC promises. I love a Mac.

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But in this big argument that they had, Brianna Chicken Fry is a content creator and podcaster that works for Barstool Sports, owned by Dave Portnoy. Dave Portnoy supported Brianna during this whole thing, said that Zach was an asshole, had her come on his podcast and talk all about it. And it really was some weird behavior on behalf of Zach. He's kind of a douche in it.

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That's the house. Life is a highway. I want to ride you all night long. You're going my way.

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I just remembered that song playing at the honky tonk.

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That is a deep cut. From the Rascal Flats.

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It was in Cars, the movie or something. I don't know. Am I right about that? Yeah, I'm right about that.

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I was a big fan. Listen, how can you not like a little Rascal Flatts?

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No, that's not. No, that's not who sings that song originally. Oh, I didn't know that. And both versions are good, by the way. It's like some one-off 80s singer. He sang the song, and it went crazy. It did. It was everywhere. Back in, like, 88 to 90, you couldn't throw... You couldn't turn on a radio station without hearing that song. The original version. Rascal Flatts redid it in 2000.

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Yeah, that's true. Hey, kid, come on. Let's get a baseball bat. While the brave cheerleader cock blocks me on your mom.

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What's your name again? I can't believe I'm a dad now. That's hard to believe. Yeah, that was the other thing. After that day, I was like, not ready to be a dad. I'm way too irresponsible for all that. I don't even have a car with a headlight. How am I going to take care of the kid?

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Or a hood.

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tcbpodcast.com that's where you go you find out more information about the show all the audio all the video right there from one location plus your free tcb sticker go to the contact us button drop down menu i want my free sticker give us your address and we'll send you one at the commercial break on instagram tcb podcast on tiktok and 212-433-3822 questions comments concerns content ideas youtube.com slash the commercial break all the episodes the day that they air on spotify a

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All right, Chrissy, Happy New Year. That's all I can do. Happy New Year to you. Best to you.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, Goodbye!

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He's kind of a douche news on why anybody wants. Now he's in concerts and people are throwing stuff at him on stage, which I think is great. Cans, bottles, beers, tomatoes, phones. This is a new thing people are doing, throwing their phones on stage, hoping that the artist will take a photograph.

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I take a dick and keep on lickin'.

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Yes, because and I think this all started, if I'm being honest, with Chris Martin from fucking Coldplay. It's goddamn Coldplay's fault. Everything's Coldplay's fault. Listen, the whole world is all seven degrees of Coldplay. Chris Martin one time. I think this was Chris Martin. He took somebody's phone that they had thrown on stage recording.

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They were like making a video and he went around the stage and did this whole number with the phone and then gave it back to somebody. So now people are literally throwing their phones at artists to try and get them to take a selfie. You are willing to lose your $1,000 iPhone to get Billie Eilish to take a photograph? That's ridiculous. You're right there. Take a photograph yourself. That's true.

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I could not be more thrilled that one of my favorite brands has joined the commercial break as a sponsor Dollar Shave Club. Been a customer for a very long time. One very happy customer indeed. It's no surprise that facial hair is personal. It grows on our face. We all grow it, we all shave it, and all of us style it differently.

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Insurance. Yeah, Apple does make it pretty easy. Apple does make it pretty easy to get that phone back. And now everything's in the iCloud.

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Yes. So if she takes the phone and decides to put it in her pocket and not give it back to you, now you can track her to which hotel she goes to. It's all a big ploy. But the behavior at these concerts is out fucking outrageous. Go see your favorite artist. Shut up. Sit down. Here's an idea. Put your fucking phone away. Enjoy the moment. I like that.

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That's when Chris Rock, when I went to go see Chris Rock, he made us all put our phone back. Jack White's the same way. Yeah, Jack White's the same way. And that is the right thing to do. And I've recently seen that comedians are walking off stage when people start recording their sets on video. And...

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Yes, I saw a video of someone walking off stage because they were being videoed. But the video was coming from the club. Yes, and the actual artist put it up there. And it was someone we had on the show. I don't want to misspeak. So I want to say it was Gianmarco, but I'm not 100% sure. Okay, so Brianna, drama with Zach Bryan, big deal. She has a podcast with her friend Chrissy. You look so drunk.

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You really do look very intoxicated.

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You are doing the perfect impression of Chrissy drunk.

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Someone get her a bag of bread. Where's the bag of bread? That's all we need. I do need some bread to soak up this alcohol. You can go in my refrigerator and get it later. All right. Brianna, Grace, have a podcast together. Best friends. They're BFFs. They love each other. The podcast does pretty good. It's on the Barstool Network.

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All of a sudden, Grace O'Malley, who's become very popular on the internet, decides to walk off the Chicken Fry and Grace O'Malley show. She just leaves. No explanation. She's just not there one day. Okay, so everyone's trying to get to the bottom of it. Grace O'Malley goes through a few stand-up routines and she drops some hints as to why she has left.

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And Brianna Chicken Fry comes out and says, she was not supportive of me during this whole Zach Bryan thing, so it's best that we just part ways. Dave Portnoy then gets involved because he can't keep his mouth shut because that's how he makes his money. He just talks about drama all day. Right. So back right before Christmas, Grace O'Malley leaves Barstool Sports. She quits or she leaves.

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And everyone says Dave Portnoy must have fired her because of the drama between her and Chicken Fry. But no, she says, no, he did not fire me. I quit. And Dave Portnoy says, Grace O'Malley is great with me. I didn't fire her. She chose to go a different direction. I wish her nothing but the best. Then.

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Call Her Daddy announces, the lady who does Call Her Daddy announces, I am bringing Grace O'Malley onto my network to do her own podcast. So now Grace O'Malley has gone from second fiddle to chicken fry during this whole Zach Bryan drama, you know, kind of playing the back, you know, the passenger. Here's what I want to say, Chrissy. Don't go to Call Her Daddy. That's all I got to say.

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That's what makes us all unique and interesting, and honestly, I think that's pretty fucking great. Dollar Shave Club is for everybody and every budget. Whether you like to go smooth like a baby's bottom or you're maintaining a fantastic manscaped beard like I do, Dollar Shave Club offers grooming products that are always high quality and always the right price.

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Don't go to Call Her Daddy.

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The passenger in this shit show called Burana Chicken Fry all of a sudden is the hottest commodity in podcasting and Call Her Daddy has picked her up and now she's got her own show. I think it's going to be called Unwell. I'm rooting for her. I'm rooting for Grace O'Malley on this one.

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Oh, Unwell's The Network? What's the name of the podcast? I thought it was the name of the podcast.

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Okay, I'm sorry. I misspoke. Unwell is The Network. She's going to have a new podcast on The Network. That's right. You know, just even just six months ago, that would have gone unnoticed by anyone.

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Yes. Yes, Brad Williams' penis is 10 inches long. Six months before he did die. Yeah. You think I have time to keep up with everybody else's podcast network? I can't even keep up with my own. I mean, for God's sakes. When you're in here 17 days a week, you don't have time to talk about Call Her Dad.

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I know. Seriously. I should. I should. You should do that. Hey, listen. Alex Cooper, who's her name, who runs Call Her Dad. You want to have a conversation? Go through Odyssey. Because we really do like Odyssey. Yes, we do.

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But, I mean, if Alex Cooper called, I wouldn't hang up on her.

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Well, we keep on saying it. So many people out there, and most of them are unwell. Yeah. So now, Brianna Chickenfry finds herself playing second fiddle to... Grace O'Malley. And I'm not not rooting for Brianna. She was an abusive relationship. That sucks. Zach Bryan is really the shithead in this whole situation. But I'm just so fascinated by all this little drama going on in the podcast network.

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And now like Travis Kelsey's cousin is doing a podcast to that. I mean, for God's sakes, it's all getting out of control. Everyone has a podcast. Yes. I was talking to someone the other day, and they know we have a podcast and they've been listening to it. And they said, wow, everybody has a fucking podcast. And I go, everybody has a fucking podcast because there's zero barrier to entry. Right.

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You get a microphone, you press record, and then you publish it on all of these major players. And if you're lucky, someone will listen to it, right? If you're lucky, someone will listen to it. Or if you pay... Dr. Phil. Smart, listen, Dr. Phil, a lot of money to talk about you. Oh, Joe, good old Brianna and Chicken Fry, man. I mean, good old Brianna and Grace O'Malley.

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She didn't, according to Brianna, here's, if I'm going to take a guess, here's what it is.

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Yeah. Brianna, Chicken Fry. I don't know how to say this without being a total jerk off. How do I say this? Brianna Chicken Fry, lovely lady, lovely young lady, right? And she gets a lot of attention for being a lovely young lady with Dave Portnoy and all this other stuff. And she seems like a very lovely person also as a human being.

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You'll Always Have Chipper!

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Grace O'Malley's doing a podcast with her, and the two of them are supposed to be riding this rocket to success. And then Brianna gets all of this attention because of her interaction with Zach Bryan, but Grace is left by the side. So now you've got these two podcasters who really want to take on the world together, but Brianna starts to kind of, her star starts to rise a little bit in this world.

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And maybe Grace wasn't so cool with all of the, you know, drama that was going on with the Zach Bryan thing. Maybe she thought that, you know, hey, while you're getting all this attention, maybe you should talk about our fucking podcast or bring that traffic to our podcast. Now, I don't know that. But sometimes there are this little interplay that goes on between people.

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And it's like it can really turn into just kind of a fuck you situation. They're best friends.

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That's why I like Chrissy. She has zero interest in being successful. I get to sit here and take all the flack, all the slack, and all the acclaim. Whatever that means. Whenever that comes. Whenever the acclaim comes, Chrissy's going to be fine with it. Whenever my Zach Bryan moment comes... I want to fuck Zach Bryan just so I can get some attention from Dave Portnoy also.

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When is that going to happen? I wish Grace O'Malley nothing but the best. This sounds great. I love it. She's got her own podcast. Great for Grace. Just another podcast to dilute our listenership. Just another podcast to steal more listeners from us. And since our audience is currently all female, I'm sure they're going to run right over there. That's an amazing turn of events, by the way.

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I think it is a quicker – I think people are realizing they can cut out the TV networks, Netflix, Amazon. They can cut all these people out. I just read an article about the Chicken Shack show, about how Chicken Shack – Chicken Shop Day.

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Is that a new restaurant? Too many chickens we're talking about today. Oh, my God, Brian. Chicken Fried, Chicken Shack, Chicken Sheet.

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No, it's that date show. I know. Okay, I read an article about this. And the guy who was writing the article said, it's amazing. that she has usurped any television network, anything. Like, this might normally go on, like, you know, MTV or maybe even Netflix or whatever.

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She has usurped all of them, has started her own production company, and has a fabulously successful show and just as much reach, if not more, because she's doing it all on her own and she's got her own distribution through YouTube and all these other platforms, right? It happens. It does happen.

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So I think everyone who otherwise would go the normal Hollywood mainstream route... Mm-hmm. has figured out that you don't need Hollywood. Fuck Hollywood. You don't need the agents and the production, you know, the producers and the production assistants. You don't need all of that.

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You'll Always Have Chipper!

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Well, Matt is a great agent, but he's not really like, he's not an agent. He's an agent, but he's not agent-y, you know? He's not like a slick, slimy kind of guy. He's a nice guy, and I like that about him. And he gets us good deals, and I like that about him, too. And he saved our asses a couple times, and I like that about him, too.

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But I think that all of these people who would normally kind of be funneled into this Hollywood mill.

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It's been shaken up. So now the first thing that you do is you go get a podcast so you can tell your side of the story, make people believe that you're interesting.

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Tell people wrong facts. Listen, this is why podcasters should not be at the White House. That's my opinion! Exactly. Speaking of podcasts. It is really strange that the Hak Tua girl, ever since that Hak coin went in the shitter, the Hak Tua girl is nowhere to be found. She has not produced an episode of her fabulously popular podcast. She has not gone. She has not made any social media posts.

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Well, if they had Make the Girls Dance parties, then I might have not stayed home all those years. Well, here's the thing. I went to those fucking hotel parties for a couple of years in a row. I went to the clubs for a couple of years in a row.

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I worked in the restaurant business so many years on New Year's Eve that I got real sick of it real fucking quick because everyone becomes a raging asshole by 1030. And then you have to deal with them for the next four hours, kick them out at three in the morning. And it's just true. Like the like there's amateurish behavior that goes on because of how much alcohol party.

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No, I was at the party serving people. Yes. So that's how I got that. So a little cocaine and some, you know, Jagermeister made the medicine go down. I'm sorry. That's just the way it was. But then when I wasn't working in the restaurant business, hotel party, okay, I paid $1,000. The hotel parties were the worst. It was terrible.

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I mean, between, so I remember one year, it was me, it was the girl I was dating who would eventually become my ex-wife. Your wife and then your ex-wife. Yeah, my wife and then my ex-wife. And a couple friends, I paid $1,000 for four of us to go to this hotel party, big, big hotel in downtown Atlanta, do it every year, where there's like 12 rooms, 12 different types of parties.

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And what ended up happening is we stood in the lobby because it was the only fucking place we could get a drink and talk to each other at any reasonable decibel level. Every room was obnoxious, every one. And I became real turned off to that idea. And then a couple of years later, after I got a divorce, I went to a hotel party, paid a lot of money, same type of situation. Two rooms were empty.

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One room was terrible, like just terrible human beings in there. And so we ended up staying out in the lobby bar.

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You should have come to me with the widespread panic.

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I wish I had gone to a couple of widespread panic shows. At least there, you know, you got dibbity dabs. Finger dip, finger dip, finger dip, finger dip. Yeah. A widespread panic concert on New Year's. Kevin used to do that every year.

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Oh, yeah. It was so much fun.

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And then I wouldn't hear from him for three days. Yes, because you need that time to recover.

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I remember my parents calling me being like, are you alive? Yeah.

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Didn't they do like 25 years in a row at Omni and the Phipps?

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There was a consecutive amount of sellout.

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They got a banner. There's a banner up there.

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Widespread panic.

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And then they went to the Fox or something like that?

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They did. Now they do the Fox.

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Oh, very interesting. Yeah. One of the ones I missed, I wish I had gone to, I had an opportunity to, was the Phish Millennial Concert.

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Phish does a big one?

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They do a big one. I don't know if they're, are they doing it this year? Oh, you know what I just saw? I just saw that the dead is coming back to the sphere.

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Yes, I saw that too.

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So I'm like, okay, I'm not missing it this time. It was such a big fucking deal.

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I'm not missing it this time.

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We're planning another trip out there too. $4,000 for a fucking package. It's insane.

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It's insane. Let's talk off camera.

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Okay, I'm going to talk off camera. Can Jeff give me tickets? Thank you. Thank you, Jeff. I love you. I'm going to send you red underwear, some grapes, and anytime you want your bell rung, call me and I'll ding dong. I'll come over with my gloves and some warm lube. I do promise. All right. We're dressed to the nines. 12 days of TCB is long behind us. Thank you.

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Everyone just supported us and loved us and kept us going. I just can't thank you enough. Everyone said really nice things.

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The response was great.

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The response was great. So unfortunately, that probably means we have to do it again next year. Fuck you.

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We're planning that differently next year.

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Next year, we're going to do one a week for 12 weeks.

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I was thinking one. I think it still would be an option to do one each month. And then it's kind of like a time capsule, too.

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It could be.

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You could look back then and we can review it.

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It could be like one of those stop motion photographies on how much weight I'm going to gain over 2025. We'll change the studio. We'll have different music. Everything will go different. And by the time we get to 12 days, we're going to rush again to get it done. I promise you. Let's do the 12 weeks leading up to. I think that sounds good.

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That's three months.

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That's three months.

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We divided into three months. I'm down with that.

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We know it's coming. We'll give everybody a chance to get ready. And then we can talk to our audience and get their ideas about what they would like to hear. So, okay. So let's do this. We're going to start a timer on the third segment of the show. We'll start a timer. We'll do a countdown. We'll celebrate together. We've got a little game to play when we come back.

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We're going to see how Christina and Chrissy measure up their year when we return. We'll be back.

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This episode is sponsored in part by ShipStation. Well, if you've been listening to the commercial break over the holidays, then you know that Chrissy, Christina, and I have been hard at work knocking out 25 episodes in one single month. So we understand just how chaotic a business can be.

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So when you're running an e-commerce business, you understand there's a special kind of chaos that goes on with fulfillment and shipping. But ShipStation is one service that you can count on to help you remain calm day to day We'll be right back.

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Over 130,000 companies have grown their e-commerce business with ShipStation, and 98% of those companies have stuck around with ShipStation. Now it's your turn. Calm the chaos of order fulfillment with the shipping software that delivers. Switch to ShipStation today. Go to ShipStation.com and use the code commercial to sign up for your free trial. That's ShipStation.com, code commercial.

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Thanks to ShipStation for being a sponsor of the commercial break. This episode is sponsored in part by Chime Credit. With everything getting more expensive these days, the last thing you want to do is rack up high-interest credit card debt. That's why I'm very excited to share a smarter way to manage your finances, the Chime Credit Builder Visa Credit Card.

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This one I'm hoping will be introspective.

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Oh, okay. Let me see.

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But Chrissy says no. It's going to be Teresa Caputo.

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Go to Chime.com slash commercial. And thanks to Chime Credit for being a sponsor of the commercial break. All in one place, all on your own terms. As a lifelong, sometimes successful entrepreneur, Squarespace has grown with me.

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Using Squarespace, I've been able to launch multiple websites and even build a business around launching Squarespace websites because they make it easy, it looks super professional, and it gives you all of the tools that you need to be successful online. Let me give you a couple examples of those tools. One of our favorites is the new Design Intelligence from Squarespace.

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Oh, there you go.

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Combining two decades of industry-leading design expertise with cutting-edge AI technology, you can unlock your creative potential. This helps you personalize a website unique to your needs. What about creators like me who want to sell content? Squarespace makes it easy to sell access to content on your website. Courses, blogs, videos, podcasts, and membership.

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That is a good one.

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That reoccurring revenue everybody is looking for so your clients can get access to your content for one-time fees or subscriptions. and then you're definitely going to need a way to take the payments. Squarespace Payments is the easiest way to manage your payments and not get lost in a sea of coding. The onboarding is fast and simple.

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You can get started in just a few clicks, and pretty soon you'll be receiving payments. Check out squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash commercial. and you'll save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. That's squarespace.com slash commercial, and you'll get 10% off that first purchase of a website or a domain.

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And when you guys cook naked, please videotape it. I'll Instagram it for you since you don't like to do that. I'll put it up there. And I'll even put little blurbs. I'll blur it out for you.

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And thanks to Squarespace for being a continuing sponsor of our small business and the commercial break. All right, and we're back on this New Year's Eve celebration here on the commercial break. Hope you're doing well.

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We need one of those little...

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The little uvula. What do they call them? A uvula.

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What?

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What do they call them?

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Yeah. But also a vuvuzela. A uvula. A vulvalela. Yes, we need a vulvalela right here, right now. Unfortunately, I'm married. All right. Hey, I want to say one quick thing. Today, as you're listening to this, will have been the 10-year anniversary of one of the greatest television shows in late-night history going off-air, The Craig Ferguson Show. Late Night with Craig Ferguson.

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You didn't like that show?

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Well, I mean, I watched it sometimes. That'll be the greatest of all time.

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It was so fucking good. You'd have to watch a lot of it to get into it. It's one of those shows. It's an acquired taste like the commercial break. And I acquired the taste and I loved it. He had the masturbating bear and the robot. It was just like, he was just so funny. He was sober. So he'd always, you know, talk to the camera. I do these long soliloquies. He was really good at what he did.

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Now he has a podcast. Not as good as the television show. I do have to say that. I can still listen to it every once in a while. All right. Let's size up our year together. What do you think? Let's size up 2024. Here we go. We're going to play love. Hate, regret, desire. Love, hate, regret, desire.

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I want you to name a few things you loved about 2024, a few things you hated about 2024, some things that you regretted, and some things you desire moving forward in 2025. So, Christy, let's start with you.

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Oh.

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Okay, give us two or three things that you loved about 2024.

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Let's see. You did spring this on us pretty quickly.

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Well, I actually gave you more notice than I've ever given you on content ideas, so there you go.

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Let's say, you know what? I loved Taylor Swift's tour and her love with Travis Kelsey. I have to admit, it has been very – I think we talked about it at the beginning of the year. I said I'm rooting for them. I hope it works. And everybody just gets so much joy, has gotten so much joy out of her tour. And I have to say I love that.

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Certainly consumed a fair amount of minutes here on the commercial break talking about Taylor Swift and Taylor and Travis. And I do have to say I also am rooting for them because I think it's very difficult probably. It's certainly going to be difficult now for Travis to find anybody else. He's now just as famous as she is. It's hard to make that work under those streaming lights.

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And it seems at least a year and some change in that they are doing well. So good for Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift.

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Yeah, that was like a bright spot, I think, in a lot of people's lives.

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Yeah, I have a house full of Swifties. Not going to say a bad word. Taylor Swift is a badass boss bitch. And congratulations for all of her success. And Travis seems to be the right fit. I guess it's the right way to say it. Okay, Christina, let's bounce to you. Something you loved in 2024.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the Dick Clark to my Ryan Seacrest, Kristen Joy Odley. Best to you, Kristen.

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Were you going for the marathon and you did 30K?

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Yeah, that's fantastic. I also am into running and I don't do it as much as I did before the children, but I love running and I got into distance running and the most I've ever run was 13.5 miles. I felt really accomplished and it only took me half a day to do that. So it took me so long to run a half a day to run a half a marathon. Okay, all right.

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So something that I loved in 2024, it's very personal and it's true. The commercial break survived what I think probably would have been the demise of most other podcasts. And listen, a lot of other podcasts had very similar drama. It's not, the podcast world got shooken up, shaken up in 2023, and I'm not gonna get into all the minutiae, but then we kind of took two smacks in the face.

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Best to you, Brian.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe, and Happy New Year's Eve to you. Happy New Year's Eve.

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And I will tell you what, we survived it and we came out the other end Maybe a little worse for the wear, a little bit more tired.

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We got a few calluses.

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A few calluses, a little less cash in the bank, but we actually survived and thrived. That has a lot to do with the new contract we signed and, of course, Christina and everybody else around us that's been very supportive and helpful. I'm really proud of the commercial break that it got to the end of 2024. Solvent, let's put it that way.

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We always said we were the little caboose that could.

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And still, by some people's measure, doing very well, I guess. By some people's measure. I'm not sure it's mine.

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The first half of the year, we scraped our knees, that's for sure. But I'm proud of us. We did it, and I am very grateful for that. Okay. Another thing that you loved in 2024, then we're going to get on to hate. Because that's the fun of it.

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Oh, God. Well, no, I mean, personally, I was happy that, I mean, finally, the mountain monsters caught Bigfoot.

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They did? They did this year.

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They did?

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Didn't they? No, not that I saw. They said they did.

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The countdown is ticking.

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Oh, they said, okay, they did capture a glimpse of something on video. But we, I think, determined that that was not a monster, but a man with a hand.

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The countdown will be ticking. Stay tuned because at the end of this episode, we will do a countdown for you. So if you want to, like Pink Floyd and Wizard of Oz, you can sync up your countdown with our countdown and everything will be wonderful in the world. Who are you going to watch on New Year's Eve, Chrissy?

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I know, I know.

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There's no show if I catch him. Yeah, season number nine. People are begging for season nine.

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That's one of my desires.

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Oh, that's one of your desires? It's season number nine of Mountain Monsters? I'll tell you what, me too. Because contractually, we have another 222 episodes to go. I need some content ideas. All right. Another thing that you loved in 2024, Christina, that's a good one, actually.

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Plus, claim free daily login bonuses and a free welcome bonus just for joining. Start your next adventure at ChumbaCasino.com. No purchase necessary. VGW Group. Voidware prohibited by law. 18 plus. Terms and conditions do apply. This episode is sponsored in part by Groons. Alright, let's talk about a better way to take care of your health. Are you juggling multiple supplements every day?

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Down Under I've watched. Also the one, the adventure one. Oh, I haven't watched that one yet either.

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I'll be back in a few minutes. Everyone take a break and we're going to let Christina All right. Below Deck was good for Christina this year.

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It's a good escape. It is. And it's a beautiful scenery. Yes.

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Which is what I was telling Brian. It brings me a lot of peace.

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Okay, below deck, putting that on the list of things that I probably will never watch, but it's on the list.

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I will say that I loved in 2024, I did love my Instagram algorithm, which is on fucking fleek.

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You love that.

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And Christina hates when I say that, but I'm telling you right now. It is so good. It is so original. It is so dedicated to the weirdness of the world. It is so, I don't know, Instagram. I've fallen in love with Instagram this year because that algorithm is amazing.

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And the content that it serves me up is delicious in so many ways, horrible in other ways, sexy in a lot of ways because I like those photographs. But I'm being honest. Instagram's, my algorithm on Instagram is something to behold. I think it's a national treasure, quite frankly. Yeah. But I think a lot of other people think that, too. I think Instagram will work the way you ask it to work.

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It's tailored to your specific likes.

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AI. All right. Let's move on to hate. What is something you hated in 2024?

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Something I hated in 2024. Let me look at this. Traffic on the way home after the Christmas episode.

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Yeah, that's, you know, there's no... There's no getting around it. That is not the greatest part of working at the commercial break is driving where the actual studio is. I don't have to drive anywhere.

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I usually watch Andy. You watch Andy. You go Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper.

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It's all good.

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But just know this. I have a lot of empathy for where you're coming from. I understand that traffic is not fun. And if I was sitting in that traffic, I would blow a fucking gasket.

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This is very fresh in my head.

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Where was it? Just yesterday?

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Yes. Oh, wow.

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Okay. It was terrible? That is one of the worst traffic days of the year.

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It is.

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Is the Wednesday before Christmas. Yeah.

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Which also made me think that next year we should plan out our time that we're recording then. We will. Well, we will do it.

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Well, listen, because of... Medical issues and other things. We just couldn't get it earlier than it needed to get. And we also took a couple extra days off for shits and giggles. I'm not sure why.

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It's over now. It's in the past. The plan compacted just a little bit more.

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Something you hated in 2024.

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I go, I choose Miley Cyrus. That's just me.

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Yes.

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No.

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Yeah, you need to get that fixed.

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You're like out of principle.

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Hold on. Hold on. How much does it cost to fix the air conditioning?

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I switch back and forth a little bit. Yeah, I like Miley.

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Okay, but you need air conditioning or a new car. You can't go without air conditioning. And here in Atlanta, you're going to die.

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I think Miley's got a thing going that I'm into.

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This is coming from a guy who had half a car and I was driving it down the highway.

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Christina was talking about it. I was like, look, we have all, I mean, I drove around with half the side of my car scraped for like three years. I was like, I refuse to get it fixed.

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OK, I'll tell you what I hated in 2020 for. And this is a bit on the serious side. I really hated the election season. I hated it. I hated it. I hated it. It made me stressed. It made me anxious. People treated each other with disgust and disrespect. And it continues. And I got to be real frank about this. I don't give a shit who you voted for.

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Is she again this year?

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It's your right to vote for whomever you want to vote. But if we don't start calming down in this country, we are going to come unglued. If it's not too late already, it will be very soon. And I just wish, I hope, I just pray and, I mean, meditate, whatever. I pray that in 2025...

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Don't know, but I imagine.

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Right.

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There is some adults in the room, adults in the room, all of us being adults in the room, that can take it down a couple of degrees.

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I think it went so disastrously wrong the first year with Pete Davidson that how could you look away?

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Rev down.

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Rev down. Because we are going to rip each other apart. And it's not needed. It's not necessary. We can fight for what's right. We can fight for what we believe. We don't have to literally kill each other. That's all I got to say. And I hated that about 2024. And I'll never forget it. It's like a scar that I think will always... wear for a very long time.

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And that's not just because the outcome wasn't my favorite. I can deal with that part. It's how everybody on both sides of the aisle treated each other running up to that election. It was just terrible. OK, so now things you regretted in 2024. What did you regret in 2024? This one I'm hoping will be introspective.

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Oh, okay. Let me see.

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Yeah.

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And then year, I think they did it last year, didn't they?

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But Chrissy says no. It's going to be Teresa Caputo.

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Oh, there you go.

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That is a good one.

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That is a good one. And when you guys cook naked, please videotape it. I'll Instagram it for you since you don't like to do that. I'll put it up there and I'll even put little blurbs. I'll blur it out for you.

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I think so. I think they did it last year. I think Dolly was involved maybe too.

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All right. Something you regretted in 2024.

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Dolly Parton was involved. I think Pete took a break for rehab. Yeah. And a show in Conyers, Georgia. Right. And then, yeah, I like Ryan and I like Andy. I like both of them. I think they're good. But since they stopped drinking, you know, it's not as interesting. Is it? I thought that they weren't allowed to drink. I thought they told them no more drinking.

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This is kind of funny, but at the same time not funny. But this is a true... I think this is something that I learned in 2024. There is absolutely no one on this earth who is going to care for you like you are going to care for you. You have to be your own advocate at every turn, at every corner, at every question mark.

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And if someone in the medical field is not giving you the attention or the answers that you think you need... then you go somewhere else or you do something else until someone does. That's it. Period. End of sentence. And I will tell you what, it is the same thing with me. For 20, maybe 20 years, I had a tumor wreaking havoc on the chemicals in my body and I had no idea.

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And for at least seven or eight years, someone did have an idea and chose not to say anything. whether that was a mistake. I'm sure it was an honest mistake. I don't think they were trying to kill me, but they didn't say anything. And even when I noticed, I thought, oh, well, if the doctor's not saying anything, then I shouldn't say anything. So that's a good one.

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I'll tell you what I regretted this year. I regret that Astrid and I did not get more time as a couple, and I hope that changes in 2025. So many children, so many things, so much chaos, so much drama with the commercial break and We just had a lot going on in 2025. And I think we got like a total of like 10, you know, hours alone together. Yeah. That wasn't after the kids went to bed.

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And in 2025, babe, that's going to change. 11 hours coming your way in 2025. I promise you. Because I love you.

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I am upping the ante. All right. Okay. So let's do this. I know it's a little bit early. Let's flip to a break. And then after we flip to the break, we're going to start a clock and we're going to talk about what we want moving forward in 2025. The desires, Chrissy. The desire. My desire to see you and Jeff naked more in 2025. That's right. That's one of them. We'll talk about a couple of those.

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Henry Fonda is there, you know, filming.

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Oh, man. Henry Fonda hasn't made an appearance on this show in three years.

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He's been away.

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Maybe that's what I regret. Henry Fonda wasn't here enough in season number five. You know what I regret? 3,000 episodes of the commercial break. I regret I didn't say no. All right. Let's take a break. And when we get back, we'll all count down to the new year together.

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This episode is sponsored by our new favorite partner, Dollar Shave Club. I could not be more thrilled that one of my favorite brands has joined the commercial break as a sponsor, Dollar Shave Club. Been a customer for a very long time, one very happy customer indeed. It's no surprise that facial hair is personal. It grows on our face.

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Well, they got a little crazy with it. They're allowed again, though. They're allowed again? I think people demanded it.

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We all grow it, we all shave it, and all of us style it differently. That's what makes us all unique and interesting, and honestly, I think that's pretty fucking great. Dollar Shave Club is for everybody and every budget.

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Whether you like to go smooth like a baby's bottom or you're maintaining a fantastic manscaped beard like I do, Dollar Shave Club offers grooming products that are always high quality and always the right price. So let me introduce you to some of their top sellers. I think they're going to make your grooming routine feel like a spa day.

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And anybody who listens to the commercial break knows how much I like a spa day. The Club Series 6 Blade Razor. This isn't just any razor. It's a mini vacation for your face. It's got six stainless steel blades and a vitamin E infused lubricant strip. This razor delivers the closest, most comfortable shave. Honestly, I feel just a little too pampered after I use this.

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And the precision trimmer is perfect for getting those little detailed areas like right under the nose or around your jawline. Because when you're going to keep it high and tight... You need to get it precise. But don't take my word for it. Try it for yourself. Dollar Shave Club products are now available anywhere.

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Well, fine. Finally, CNN coming to their senses. Doing something to improve the ratings over there at CNN. What a fucking train wreck that channel has become, honestly.

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So you can order them from the website, Amazon, or get them at your favorite retailer near you. That's what I do. Alternatively, you can visit the site right now for 20% off, $20 or more, and get your products delivered right to your door. Visit dollarshaveclub.com slash TCB and use the code TCB for 20% off, $20 or more. And remember, whatever you shave, welcome to the club.

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Thanks to Dollar Shave Club for being a sponsor of the commercial break.

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All right, for those of you at home that want to do this with us, feel free to start your 10-minute timer. I'll give you like 15 seconds to get your clock out and start your 10-minute timer. Or to start this episode, win 10 minutes on that whatever you're watching, however you do it, start. So I'll give you a couple of seconds. We've got our champagne here. We do. We dress very nicely.

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I haven't even watched.

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I mean, Anderson Cooper is the only reason to watch if we're being real about it. Anderson Cooper, I think, is the only interesting one that's still over there. But anyway, and of course, you know, Ryan Seacrest and Dick Clark Productions is the sentimental favorite because that's what I've been watching since I was a child.

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We're talking about all the things we love. We've got our red underwear on. I don't have my red underwear on. But I don't have anywhere underwear on, so there you go.

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I'm free balling it. Spicy.

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Yes, I'm hoping that Jeff comes in and jingles my jangles. I was listening to one of the episodes we did, and we were talking about ringing the bell, and I'm like, Brian.

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No wonder the parents hate you at the school. No wonder. I told Jeff that it got a lot of miles.

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It did get a lot of miles. It got 15 minutes of conversation. Yes, and then I got to go pick my kid up from school later. I could just see, like, you know all those cars parked in the parking lot? I gotta imagine at least two of them are listening to the most recent episode of the commercial break, listening to me talk about a finger in my anus.

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Yeah, your secret shh is not a secret anymore. Did the teacher come out and go, I know, I know.

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Yes, a teacher came out and said, I know, at one of the schools. And then at the other school, they printed our email addresses. It's just... I don't even put my work email address on a doctor's office. I'm so embarrassed. I'm like, well, give him that personal Gmail. Can't let that cat out of the box. Because we all do it, right?

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We all get an email from somebody and we go, let me check out that website and see what's going on.

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Oh. Oh. Well, I guess they're letting anybody in the school now. I guess there's no more. There's no more checks and balances at this school. All right. So let's start that 10 minute timer now. Where is that? Where is that 10-minute timer? What happened? Timer, hold on. Don't start your 10-minute timer yet.

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We need to have a time.

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Oh, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

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I got it, I got it. 10-minute timer starts right now.

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now all right here we go the next episode of the commercial break starts now all right things we want to accomplish in 2025 the things that we desire or desire accomplish your desire go chrissy well i think i said it earlier the mountain monsters i mean more episodes more episodes season number nine and also i'd like to see a little bit more of a shake-up in the monsters Yeah, that's true.

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They keep on going after the same four monsters all the time.

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My grandmother, we would always spend New Year's Eve with my grandma Green on my dad's side, my dad's mom. And while I think my dad would argue that... He wasn't her biggest fan. I always enjoyed being around my Grandma Green because she always made it a big deal to be at her house. Yeah. And I've told you this. She had this house in Melrose Park, Illinois, in Chicago.

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I want a good witch, a good... A witch, a ghost.

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A ghoul. A ghoul, a goblin. A Kabul goblin? What is that? The Kabul ghoul? The ghoul of Kabul? Yes, that's what I want to see, too. I want to see that guy kneeling with the fire. Yeah, I agree with you. But, you know, to be fair to mountain monsters, they do branch out. There's the little Indian girl that's walking through the cornfield. I mean, they have a lot of stuff.

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There's people leaving messages. There's pig blood on the wall. They found a couple of dead animals. I mean, you know. They try and switch it up, but let's be real about it. After nine seasons and 130 episodes of the commercial break, we were having trouble with content ideas. Five huckleberries later. They do have at least two huckleberries. I swear they do.

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Because if you look at the early huckleberry and the most recent huckleberry, they just don't look alike. I'm sorry. I'm not convinced at all. All right, Christina, Desire in 2025.

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Okay, they'll get along eventually.

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Eventually they'll come together.

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I know. She's been with you for a long time.

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I desire in 2025 a couple things. First of all, a lot more massages. I didn't get enough massages in 2024. I want massages. Not the Bosco low kind. I just want a regular nice massage every once in a while. Maybe once every other month. I'd like that. Number two, I want to see the commercial break rise to new heights. And by that, I mean in the positive and not in the negative.

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That was on my list, too. That was on mine, too. We can all agree.

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And number three, and most importantly, and only you can help us do this, I want to get to 10,000 YouTube subscribers. I have a mild goal here, guys. A mild goal. And I realize we've been terrible about social media, but for the last couple of weeks, you'll have to admit, things have been much better. So if you could, please follow us on Instagram and YouTube.

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TikTok, I really don't care about because, I mean, I care about TikTok, but I'm not sure TikTok's going to be around. I got to be real honest. I think they may move forward with that ban. And I think we may not have TikTok because I think they're going to, they want to kind of step on China's neck a little bit. So I hope all of that comes.

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Astrid's banned from TikTok. Astrid's banned from TikTok?

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She's banned from TikTok, and we have no idea why. And we know people who work at TikTok. And we have no idea how to get her back on TikTok. She never made one post. Never. And they kicked her out, and now they won't let her back on. And no one knows why. No one can answer the question.

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You thought you had a troll, but it was Astrid. She was logging into my account, checking out all the girls in bikinis that I have. She's like, I'm banned.

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TikTok's not as bad.

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My TikTok is not as bad as my Instagram.

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Brian, we can't get on it. I'm banned.

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Yeah, you're banned. Right. Exactly. You didn't even know what TikTok was until July. And that's fair enough. That's fair enough. Well, listen, we do have to say it's been a very eventful year here at the commercial break.

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From Teresa Caputo to the Mountain Monsters, all the content, the time off, the live shows that didn't end up happening that may end up happening in the future, the switch of the studio, Christina in here with us. It has been a wild and wacky year for the commercial break. And I do have to say, we are extraordinarily grateful for everyone that has listened to the commercial break.

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Because by listening to the commercial break... Believe it or not, you actually make us a little bit of money. And that helps us create that content over and over and over again. We do four episodes a week. It's not the world's hardest job. It's not even a hard job. But it does take a lot of time, and we put a lot of care and effort into doing it, despite what it may sound like. We actually try.

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But the best part of TCB, the best thing, the thing that I will never regret, is all the wonderful people that listen to us and write in and say, you know... Like this job can be lonely. You talk into a microphone. You don't hear anything back except for the people in the room. You don't hear anything back.

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And in this house, it had a basement, like a lot of houses in Chicago do. And in this basement was a bar. And we're not talking about a bar like most people have a bar. They've got a little nook with a couple of bottles and glasses on it. We are talking a full cheers bar downstairs in the basement with cocktail tables and a TV and things hanging on the wall and a little fireplace.

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And so the only feedback that you ever really get is either yourself or the other two people that now sit in the room. And so it's not like comedy or doing a concert where, you know, you can see in people's faces what's going on.

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Yeah.

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And sometimes, like when you're in July and you're on your 700th episode and you don't know what you're going to talk about and you hope it's funny and you're just trying to, you know, be funny. It can get, I guess it can be lonely. Even when you have somebody that you're doing the show with, it can be a little lonely because you have no idea.

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But what keeps me going every time is when I pick up the phone the TCB phone or when I look at our reviews or our comments, and I see that people say something nice. And some of the best messages we've got is, my life is not really great right now, but I can count on the commercial break for a laugh. And that has kept me going.

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You guys are a worse train wreck.

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Yes, just like your reality shows, you guys are, I'm fetish watching you for your shitty content. I'm saying, well, my life's pretty bad. I lost my job, my car don't work, my wife left me, but look at Brian and Chrissy. They still think they're going to make this work. They're still holding out hope, so can I. Exactly, yeah. They think they have a chance. I might as well, too. Why not?

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Hey, listen, anything's possible. If the commercial break after five seasons has shown everybody one thing, it's that blind faith. We'll either lead you off a cliff or up the mountain. One of the two. That's right. We haven't really figured it out yet, but, you know, I have a feeling.

The Commercial Break

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You know, as I'm watching, I was telling the girls before we came on that I'm watching a lot, and I mean a lot, of Everest porn right now. Mount Everest porn. Is porn the right word? Yes, it is. Because it's just me watching for disaster to happen. And I'm just like, at any moment, disaster could happen. And some people die. A lot of people die actually trying to go up that fucking mountain.

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And I think the reason why I like it is because it's something I will never do. I would never want to be up that high. I don't want to be on a ladder, let alone Mount Everest.

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Oh, I could be flown in up to the top. I'd like that. No, you can't. I don't want the track.

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You can't even fly up to the top.

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I don't want the track.

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No. And apparently it's a very easy mountain to climb, technically. But it's, you know, without the, you know, not having any oxygen really does a number on the body, apparently. Yeah. But I've been watching it and I'm like, you know what? Blind faith. Blind faith will either get you killed or it will get you your name in the record book. One of the two. All right.

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Two minutes and 30 seconds left before the New Year's, girl.

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Should I pop the champagne?

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Well, I guess now's a better time than any. Don't hit me with that fucking cork.

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I'm a professional champagne popper.

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Oh, you are? You're a professional champagne popper?

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I've had lots of experience.

The Commercial Break

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Well, I believe that. That I believe. I'll take your word at face value. Do you and Jeff drink a lot of champagne?

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No. No? But on occasion.

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Yeah. You know, on New Year's Eve, I always end up with a fucking headache because of the champagne, and that drives me crazy.

The Commercial Break

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This is some good stuff. Woo! I love that sound.

The Commercial Break

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Hey, what is that? Veuve la Croix?

The Commercial Break

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No, it's not Vouv. I didn't sprint for that. We're not making that Vouv money.

The Commercial Break

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That's right. We're not even making that money. What is that? Saint Hilaire.

The Commercial Break

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Saint Hilaire.

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You've got to watch out, guys. Sir, your Saint Hilaire is here.

The Commercial Break

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Hey, would you like to do the tasting with your testes?

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Yes, I'd like to taste my testes, please. Thank you. Just a dash there. I don't want to get my balls too wet.

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You could literally belly up to this bar and there could be a bartender back there serving you drinks. I love that. And they had all kinds of booze and beers and everything. So when my grandfather was alive, apparently this was the place to go for Smokey Bones and, you know, Guns Magoo and Fishneck Rogers.

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Fantastic. Lovely. This is a fine year. What is that, 2023? Your balls are straight on. Yes. A wonderful year for St. Hilaire champagne. St. Hilaire. I love how Chrissy pours half a bottle. Watch it. Watch your ears. Yeah, yeah.

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Oh, look at this.

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All right. Here we are with a glass of champagne. And... We should make a toast. We should. We should make a toast. I don't know what toast to make, but I'm trying to think of one, but I'll make it up as we go. Here's to those that aren't here. Here's to those that are near and dear. And here's to those who we're going to cheer. All right. There you go. Cheers. Cheers, I love you guys.

The Commercial Break

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Cheers, cheers. There you go. I forgot I was supposed to do something here. No, you're all right. It's one of those years. It's coming, it's coming, it's coming. Look, it says done.

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Till next year. Till next year.

The Commercial Break

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Cheers to you, listeners.

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I want to cheers you at home, no matter what you're doing, no matter where you are. I hope your new year brings you luck and love and wealth and health. And I also hope you listen to the commercial break, because I want those things also. I want those things. I have desires, too, guys. Tell a friend. Tell a family member. Yeah, more massages and more listeners. Those two things.

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We got a vision board over here. Yeah, I really do want more massages.

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We should do a vision board for the studio.

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Oh, my God. I love it.

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You know, all these gangsters that used to live in Melrose Park, all these Italian guys used to come over and drink at my grandfather's.

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I'm trying to. We have a man. Dollar Shave Club is one of our sponsors. I'm trying to keep any of the men around listening. Hey. Although I think that might be a lost cause at this point. If our Spotify is any indication. I think that might be a lost cause at this point. Well, bye 2024. Women rule the world. Hola 2025.

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My son doesn't like the fact that it's turning 2025 because he doesn't want to have to learn how to write a new year. And I said, hey, listen. Get used to it, kid. It happens all the time. All right. Well, listen, I don't know how much more we can do today, but we will be back tomorrow to nurse your hangover with you. A brand new episode of The Commercial Break on New Year's Day.

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What else could you ask for? Wow. And that is in the books. I think 226 episodes of the commercial break. This year?

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In December, we will have broadcast 24 of the 31 days of the month. There are 24 episodes. That's 50% more commercial break in December than any other month of the year. Congratulations to us. Congratulations to you and all the good tidings and all the good cheer. Well, you know, some things remain the same, like our website, tcbpodcast.com. Nothing changed in the year. There you go.

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bar my grandfather of course was irish at the speakeasy that's right at the speak even though it was legal to drink but you know still they had their neighborhood little bar and they would come down there and they would have parties so when my grandfather passed away when i was very young my grandma took it upon herself to take us for new year's eve so that my parents could go out and we would go to party city the party place down the street my grandma would let us spend some loot

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tcbpodcast.com is where you get all the information about the show, the audio, the video, right there from one location. And every episode, including this one, is available on that website, audio and video. You can also get your free TCB swag. You want a sticker? You want a couple stickers? I think we might actually have some T-shirts somewhere. If you want something, write in.

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Go to the Contact Us button. Drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Drop us a message with your physical address. Let us know what you want and what you need. And who knows? Astrid may bless you in the new year with some good TCB swag. Menfo stickers.

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Menfo stickers. I can get more of those.

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Oh, you can?

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Yeah.

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Well, no. I mean, the Menfo sticker is the commercial break.

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Oh, right.

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Or a Menfo sticker. Yeah. If we start giving away Menfo stickers, people are definitely going to write in. 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. Tell us how your holidays were. We'd love to hear your crazy stories, your interesting anecdotes. What'd you get for Christmas? What'd you not get for Christmas? How shitty are your children?

The Commercial Break

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How shitty is your uncle? How sexy is your cousin? I want to know all about it.

The Commercial Break

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Oh, my God. The sex cousin.

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The sex cousin.

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I forgot about that. Yes.

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Everyone has a sexy cousin. You know you do, and I want to hear about it. You know you do. It's okay. You don't have to fuck them. You can still desire them. You know what I'm saying? Brothers and sisters, ah, ah, ah. Cousins is okay. It's one step removed. 212-433-38.

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Add The Commercial Break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on the aforementioned, as long as it sticks around, TikTok, that's TCB Podcast, and YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break. Thanks, Dr. Phil. All the episodes available the same day on Spotify a few days later. Okay, Christy, that's all I can do this year.

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I'll tell you that I love you.

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Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe and YouTube, Christine. Until next time, we all say, we do say, and we must say...

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We'd get the poppers and the streamers and the Happy New Year banner and all that stuff, and we would spend the afternoon setting up the basement, the bar. And then at night, my grandma would allow us to stay up and watch on the tiny little shit TV she had down there. We would watch Dick Clark as he rolled in the New Year's with that ball drop in New York.

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So for me, that's very much a sentimental favorite because I just remember as a kid having so much fun with my grandma green and doing that. They also had a live grenade down there from World War II.

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You said that before.

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which was crazy, crazy. I had to check myself with my brother one time. I'm like, that thing was live, right? He's like, pin in, live grenade, sitting downstairs.

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Oh, pin in.

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Yeah, but I think that was pretty common that guys came back from the war and they took souvenirs, like their guns, their medals, a grenade, you know. I don't know why my grandpa kept it, but my grandma kept it too, sitting down there in the basement. My grandma also, one year, she bought Weird Al Yankovic. Have you ever heard the song Weird Al Yankovic? Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.

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Of course. Okay, it's a very famous song. Can't remember the name of the artist. But he had a whole comedy album. Elmo something? I think his name was Elmo something. He had a very famous comedy album. And Weird Al Yankovic, of course, had in the 80s and the 90s was doing a lot of comedy albums too. So my grandma bought us these two albums.

The Commercial Break

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With Groon's Vitamins, you don't have to. It's not just a multivitamin, a greens gummy, or a prebiotic. It's all of those things and more at a fraction of the price. And here's the best part. It tastes amazing. Flu season is here and staying healthy has never been more important. From coughs and sore throats to just feeling fatigued, flu season can really take its toll.

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And I just remember one New Year's Eve, Kevin and I burning the shit out of those cassette tapes, just listening to them over and over and over again. Weird Al and Elmo, Weird Al and Elmo, back and forth, back and forth till midnight, trying our best to stay up for the ball drop. And I think we accomplished it. I have such fond memories of being down in that bar for New Year's Eve.

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It sounds like a really good time, especially for a kid. I mean, how old were you up until this was the time?

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I would say seven through moving here to Atlanta. So I would, I mean, remembering, right? Of course, I was probably there much younger, but I would say she started to do this party tradition seven through 13, seven through 12, seven through 13, good five or six years. And then when we came here, moved here to Atlanta, there were a few odd years where we would be up there for whatever reason.

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And she would do it and she would always make it a big deal. Kevin and I would play down in that bar. They had a match collection. You know, matchbook collection? Yeah, like the little boxes. Yes, because that was what you did back then. If you had a restaurant, it was like a business card. Instead of a business card, you'd have a matchbook, right? And so they had thousands of these matchbooks.

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So Kevin and I used to go down there and be little pyros and, you know, burn the matches and set the matchbooks on fire. Yeah.

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And play on loop. Grandma got run over by a reindeer.

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Grandma got run over by a reindeer. Coming home from our house Christmas Eve. You can say there's no such thing as Santa. So now I have passed on that tradition. Both of my grandparents were into, is it Elmo? Is that his name?

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Elmo and Patsy. He was like a comedy artist. That's what he did. Before Weird Al Yankovic, there was Elmo and Patsy. And I'm sure there was lots of others too. But both of my grandparents were into Elmo and Patsy. That was like their sense of humor was very much like dad jokes. And if you listen to an Elmo and Patsy album, it's very dad jokey. No. Grandma got run over by a reindeer.

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There's a song, there's a line in the song that goes, now we're all so proud of grandpa. He's been taking it so well. Watching football, watching football and drinking beer and playing cards with cousin Mel. Like playing cards with cousin Mel. What?

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I know that was a bizarre song, but it's catchy.

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So now I pass this down to my children and you would not believe they're huge Christmas music fans. And Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer is on the top three. It's like they're always like, Dad, play Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. And my wife hates it after. It's like, God damn it. They need to be listening to Gaietas. Gaietas are like Venezuelan holiday songs.

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So for... Wait, well, speaking of Venezuelans, so what is Astrid's tradition over the years of celebrating New Year's?

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So New Year's Eve for them is a big deal. Venezuelans love a good party. And if you've ever been to a... The Emmy and everybody loves a good party, right? But the Venezuelans just do it different. Like, the culture... The party culture there is so ingrained with everything. They celebrate life. Everything. You had a good day at work? Get the barbecue going, invite 30 friends over.

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You had a bad day at work? Get the barbecue going, invite 50 friends over. You know? You get the rum out, you drink, you get tequenos, tequenos, tequenos. It's just one of those things that everything needs to be a party because they like to celebrate everything. And I really love that because us Irish folks, we don't celebrate anything.

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That's where Groon's Vitamins comes in. We'll be right back. Do not wait for the flu to strike. Take control of your health today with Groon's vitamins. Hey, your immune system's going to thank you. And now you can get up to 45% off when you use the code TCB. That's 45% off when you use that code TCB on Groons Vitamins. And thank you to Groons for being a sponsor of The Commercial Break.

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The most fun we have at a gathering is usually at a funeral or a wake, right? We like to celebrate death. Ah, you got out early. Good for him, that son of a bitch. It's not really ingrained in my family to do that. We didn't even really have birthday parties. So for Astrid, New Year's Eve is special. It needs to be a big party. She wants everyone to have a good time.

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And if you've ever been to a Venezuelan party, you know two things. There's going to be tequeños, number one. And number two, it's never going to start on fucking time, and there are waves of the party. Let's say the party starts at— I love party waves.

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Yeah.

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Party waves are the best. Our wedding was a party wave, right? You've got the pre-party where everyone's out stunning themselves, getting a cocktail. Then you go and you do the thing. And then you have the cocktail hour. And then you sit down and you eat. And then you go out and you party. And then here comes the... And then you do the crazy hour. And then after that, they're serving breakfast.

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Like, it's a whole thing.

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I know. I remember.

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So if they say the party starts... So a party on New Year's Eve doesn't start until 10 p.m., period, into sentence. Like here in America, you get there at 8 o'clock, and by the time New Year's rolls around, you're ready to go home. For the Venezuelans, it starts at 10 o'clock, and then you celebrate at midnight, and then you celebrate again at 1 o'clock, and then you celebrate again at 2 o'clock.

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I like that a lot.

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Yes. And so this is just the way they do it. It's a big deal.

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Do they have any kind of, like, ball-dropping scenario? Or is that just in the U.S.?

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I think they have, like... Democracy drop? Democracy drop! Democracy drop! No more democracy for you! I don't think they have a ball drop necessarily. It's just a big party. Yes, it's a big party. That's what they do. But they do like the ball drop. At least my family does. They like to watch that thing. They eat grapes. So for every year, they eat a grape.

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Every year of the millennial, they'll eat a grape. So 2001, you eat one. So this year, we're going to have to eat 24 grapes. And I couldn't even imagine what it was in 99.

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Well, I know. That's what we were talking about, Christina and I said.

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You have grapes. You have a dollar bill. You must wear red underwear. It's a whole thing. Red underwear. If you don't wear red underwear, it's bad luck. If you don't wear red underwear on New Year's Eve, you have to have a dollar bill that you soak in champagne and then you keep it throughout the year.

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So there's actually a dollar that's sitting around here from last year.

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It's a dollar from last year. I soaked it in champagne, hoping the commercial break would be solvent by the end of this New Year's Eve. We'll see. We've got 10 more days to go. We'll see how it goes. And that's what they do. There's just a couple of traditions that they like.

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Well, that reminds me, too, of a tradition right at New Year's. So this was passed down. And, Christina, I want to ask you about this because I think it's some type of Scottish derivative of something that's done at midnight is that a dark-haired man is supposed to pass through the doorway with bread, salt— And, and, uh, Cole, my grandmother always did this.

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And so then my dad did it with my mom and now I have Jeff doing it with me and I looked it up and it is a thing. It is.

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When I was a kid, I do remember this when I was a kid, when I was like in my early twenties, I would pass through the door with cocaine, Bud Light and dollar bills for the ladies. I mean, is it the same thing?

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It's a derivative of it.

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It's very similar. It's an Irish twist.

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Yes.

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Well, I think you'd have to ask an actual Venezuelan about this, but I believe that the tradition is champagne. But I think you can get away with anything, as long as it's in the same vein.

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I am making my own. I'm just making up my own rules right now. I say sparkling wine is okay, Christina. Go ahead and do it. There you go.

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I brought some champagne for us today.

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You brought some champagne. We're all dressed very lovely.

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Yes, we are. I've got my sparkles on.

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Well, okay, Christina. We're going to pretend like you're dressed lovely.

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That counts. Yeah, that's another thing the Venice Waylands do. You must dress up on New Year's Eve.

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Oh, yeah.

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I like a good dress up. If you're not dressed up, you're not doing it right.

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Yeah. For years. Like, I mean, I took this stance for years before I met Astrid that New Year's Eve was really for amateurs, you know, and I didn't like to go out and I didn't want to party. I was okay staying home and not doing anything.

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I don't remember you being this Debbie Downer-ish throughout our friendship.

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If I went to a New Year's Eve party, it was under duress. I went under duress. Just know that. I didn't want to be there. I was there. If I looked like I was having a good time, I was pretending.

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For years, I went to see music for New Year's.

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Yeah, I did that for a couple of years, too. I thought that was a good one. That's what I'm doing this year. What are you doing? Who are you going to see?

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Is it a New Year's Eve concert they're going to play through midnight?

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I've been to concerts by myself.

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Well, hopefully you'll meet people there.

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He didn't say that. He said that under certain circumstances – and I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound like harsh at you.

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I don't know if I'm an expert, but I do keep like a little, you know, I hear something about the Pope and because of my upbringing, it's like perked my ears up a little bit.

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He was more sympathetic. And what he said was, in certain circumstances. gay couples can be blessed in the Catholic Church in certain circumstances. What those circumstances are, I don't know. And I don't know why it has to be circumstances. Maybe they both have to be Catholic or practicing Catholic or whatever.

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There's a lot of rules around fucking getting married and getting divorced and all that other shit. It's quite frankly, it's a little ridiculous. It's a little ridiculous. Because if you take the teachings of Jesus on its face value, let's not go with, you know, if you touch the penis of a goat, then you have to chop your arm off and all this other crazy Bible dogma that a lot of people get into.

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If you just take it at face value, take what Jesus said at face value, do one to others. That's the first rule. The first and last one.

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You're good. You're good. You're good. Right. Yeah. If you do unto others as you would do to yourself. Yes. As you would wish other people would do to you.

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In any circumstance. Yeah. Any person. Yep. Right? Colorblind. Cash blind. Whatever. Murderers, rapers, robbists, lepers, and all. Take all comers. That's it. Treat them the way you want to be treated. And lest ye be judged. That's it. It's really pretty easy. It's very hard to do in real life, but it's pretty easy.

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So if you take all the other dogma out of it, what a blessing to have that teaching as a human being. What a blessing to have that guidance as a human being.

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But if you take all of the dogma and you start really reading the Bible and taking it as if it's a fucking menu at Cheesecake Factory and you're supposed to follow every rule and word and menu item is supposed to be on the plate, then you're... You're a nit-nit. I don't know what else to say. It's 2,000 years ago that some of these things were written.

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It's not applicable to what's happening in 2025, nor should it be. It's just the way that it is. Humanity has changed. We all grew up.

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The new Pope?

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It's like four seasons, I think.

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I think it's three or four seasons. I watched it during the pandemic. Right when we were starting this show, I was getting into The New Pope and it was ending its run, but I had started from the beginning. What a fucking fantastic stylized... Certainly don't watch it if you are really into the dogma of the Pope and catechism. You're not going to be a big The Young Pope fan.

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But what a fantastic show. Played to the T. And really... She shows you what would happen if there was a young pope, a young pope, but a young pope who is also times or was it now time? OK, but it was also cunning and conniving. You know, he's a little bit of a like an antihero, so to speak. Right. And there's a lot of sex in the in it and a lot of temptation.

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Listen, that's the other thing about the fucking priests and the pope and the cardinals and all that other stuff. Do you really need to be celibate? Is that really a thing you have to do? I mean, can we grow up a little bit and just understand? There's so many other religions that don't adhere to this one dumb rule that I think causes a lot of fucking drama, if I'm being honest. Let a priest...

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Shake it out every once in a while. 21 EPMs. Let him go. Just let him go.

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Yes, for health reasons, if for nothing else. For health reasons, for sanity, for mental health, just for the betterment of man in general, for the betterment of the church in general. Let the priests get married and fornicate. Who fucking cares? Some people even believe that Jesus was not celibate.

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As a matter of fact, the last temptation of Christ, they're coming out with the last temptation of Christ too. I'm not sure we need one, but now they have two. Which is about just that, that there is some historical backing to believe that Jesus, in fact, was in love. did have sex, was a man of the, he was a man. He was a man. You know what I'm saying? No sheet balls here.

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This guy was going at it. And listen, I don't know. Who knows? What do I know? I'm not Jesus. I wasn't around then. But I can tell you this. If we got rid of that one dumb rule, If the Catholics got rid of that.

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Yeah, you marry God. You know, Mary was a virgin. You're a virgin. We're all virgins. It's your vow to God. There's only one you'll lust after. Honestly, come on. Really? They're not gods. They're just men and people. And while we're at it, let a few women get the fucking frock. Yes. Let's do that. Yeah. I guarantee we wouldn't have so many shenanigans going on if women were in charge.

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I'm not saying it would have all gone away because there's women who have predilections too. But I'm just saying it would have been a whole different situation, I think. We could get some women to slap some of those guys around. You know what I'm saying?

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Well, Episcopals are Christians. Christianity – Big umbrella.

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Believe in Christ. And then there's a billion different fucking versions of that, right? Up to and including Mormons, which – anyway.

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No, I love it. I like talking about this. I think it's great. I think it's an interesting conversation. But listen, again, whatever you choose to do, that's on you.

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You do you. All right. Let's take a break. We'll be back.

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Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea.

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It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large. And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success.

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Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules. They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything.

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You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Serea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. Yeah, I mean, if you go, like, if you do the, like, the CNN has a... Way back. CNN has a great, like... Ooh. I have to watch that. They have a whole series on the popes, right?

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And so, on SiriusXM, they have a CNN Originals channel.

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All they do is just run the audio from those originals. Yeah, I love those shows. And they do the popes. And, yeah, those popes... I'm going to put that in my notes. They were having kids.

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They were running...

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Yeah, they're just people. That's it. All right. So the conclave explained by ChatGPT, not the movie. Conclave is private confidential meeting. Most famously, it is termed for the papal conclave where cardinals of the Roman Catholic Church gather to elect a new pope. Who's involved? Only cardinals under the age of 80 are allowed to vote.

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The number of electors is capped at 120 when it happens after a pope dies or resigns, such as Pope Benedict. There's a mourning period, and then the cardinals meet in Rome, specifically at this Sistine Chapel. Not a bad place to spend a couple of weeks, if you ask me. That Sistine Chapel is beautiful, no matter how you feel about religion. It's gorgeous.

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If no pope is elected, chemicals are added to make it black. If a pope is elected, chemicals are added to make it white. Habeas pumpum. We have a pope. Habeas pumpum. Pump them.

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Yes, I did, too. That was wild. Yeah, it is wild. And the papal library. Yeah. The Vatican Library... Oh, yeah, yeah.

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...is in... It's, like, down 200 feet underground.

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It's, like, nuclear-proof. Yes. And you can't get in. I mean, certain historians and researchers and stuff like that can get in, but you have to be blessed to get in. And if you get in... They're all eyes are on you because you're not touching anything. They don't want you to touch. You're not looking anywhere. They don't want you to look. And you certainly ain't taking nothing home.

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This isn't a place where you check out the books. You got to go there. Some people spend their entire lives looking through that library just to do research on one particular subject. Because they keep books from like the Egyptian times. They have like papyrus, right? They have like writing on papyrus. Stuff from all over the world. Yes, from all over the world.

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Do you think they have 33 P's original songwriting?

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One can only imagine. I mean, written on papyrus. The Library of Congress, written on my papyrus.

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The word conclave comes from the Latin term conclave, which means with a key. That's why it's secret. The Cardinals are locked in and cut off from the outside world. No phones, no contact at all. No exceptions. Secrecy is strictly enforced. They even sweep for electronic bugs daily. Geez. Wow. I mean, but that Italian press is really known to be pretty sneaky.

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Yeah, they're hounds. Yeah. And it's all about the Vatican. I mean, it's in Italy, so it's in Rome. So it's all about, I mean, technically it's his own country, but you get it.

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The voting process. The voting is done by secret ballot. A candidate must receive two-thirds majority to be elected. There are up to four ballots per day, two in the morning, two in the afternoon. The smoke signals. After each round of voting, the ballots are burned. If no pope is elected, chemicals are added to make it black. If a pope is elected, chemicals are added to make it white.

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The outcome.

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Habeas pumpum. We have a pope. Habeas pumpum. Pump them.

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In the cum clave. We're pumping them in the cum clave. That's what we're doing.

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In the cum-clave. We're pumping them in the cum-clave.

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And people really do get excited about this shit. I mean, people go crazy. There's old ladies who are going to be sitting out in front of that Sistine Chapel for the entirety of that conclave. And it could take months. You'd never know. I mean, I think when Benedict was elected, if I remember correctly, it was like two months we were waiting for that new... Was it? I think so.

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I think it was a really long time we were waiting for that announcement.

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You went during the conclave?

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Yeah, there's always something going on at that Vatican. It's always crowded. I mean, we bought like the fast pass or whatever. We bought that fast pass.

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Yeah, we did. A small group. We just said, hey, let's, well, we went on the website and it's like, you know, wait in line. $5 and then only see some of them.

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Oh, me too. That line was huge.

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But you can go – like they have private tour groups in those tour groups.

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Yeah. You just get in the group and then you leave the group. Yeah. once you get in there, which is what we did. We just kind of left the group. Who cares? No one cares. And they say, you got to stick in the group together, going in the door. And then if you choose to go off on your own, then just keep your badge on you.

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Yeah, they do. I mean, listen, it's a full-blown museum. That's a part of how the Vatican makes its money, too.

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When map making started, I mean, it's really, if you ever get a chance to go to Rome, first of all, it's as if you're at Epcot, but it's all real. It's really quite intense to go to Rome for the first time because everything is older than Jesus himself.

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And a lot of it preserved.

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You're touching a wall and it's from the Roman Empire.

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All the stuff just popping out of the – it just pops out of the ground. It's like, oh, shit, that's a column from the Colosseum. I know. It's all intense. It's all great. And then you go into the Vatican and it's just crazy. It's not big. It's not it's like a small, very small town, but it is highly guarded, very dense. There's you can see cardinals just walking around nuns, priests.

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I mean, it's just like it's so busy at any given time. And once you get inside of the Vatican, once you get inside of the building where if you're going to the Papal Museum or wherever you're going, once you get inside, it's crazy that you are surrounded by more money than you will ever be surrounded by. More money than Fort Knox, 10 times.

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And you know it because maps from the year 702 don't exactly pop up everywhere. You know what I'm saying? But the Catholic Church has kept it. It's crazy. It would be immensely sad if anything ever happened to that treasure trove of history. But then again, it's like it's an embarrassment of riches in a lot of ways because this one religion controls all of this history. It's all there.

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It's all being controlled by the Catholic Church. And what they choose to do with it so far is mostly transparent. I know they have a lot of secrets, but it's mostly transparent. And you can go see it. And I think that's doing a great service to the world is that you can go see these things and people can study them and historians can look at them.

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What I really want to get to the bottom of and the things that really interest me are around the story of Jesus, the Noah's Ark, the Ark of the Covenant, Jesus, the Shroud of Turin, stuff like that. Like all that really matters. interests me.

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Because I want to know if any of it is real. You know, they say that the last cup of Christ, the cup of Christ, the chalice of Christ, right? The cup that he drank out of in the Last Supper is in a church in Valencia, Spain. And you last chalice of Christ, right? The cup that Christ supposedly drank out of at the Last Supper.

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Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian.

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And while I'm not a particularly religious person, the weight of the moment, the weight of staring at it is pretty intense. Even, it's probably not true. The last cup of Christ is certainly not sitting at a church, a public church in Valencia, Spain. That's not true. But just the thought that it might be is pretty interesting.

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And when you look at it, you're like, wow, did a guy named Jesus Christ really touch that? And then you see all these other artifacts when you walk in the Sistine Chapel or you walk into the Papal Museum or whatever it is. It's intense. The weight of it is intense. If you have any interest in history, then you know just how heavy, the gravitas that some of these artifacts really hold.

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It's like walking into the Louvre and seeing King Tut.

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Yeah, that's alien type shit. That's Joe Rogan alien type shit. That's really intense. The Louvre is another one where it is a literal graveyard of wealth. It is immensely big. It is immensely deep. It is immensely full of riches and art that you will never – And a million lifetimes get to see the Louvre. When Astrid and I went to the Louvre, we've been a couple of times.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. You know, we haven't talked a lot about since it happened is the death of the Pope.

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So we went to the Louvre for the first time, the Louvre, if you don't mind, Chrissy. We went to the Louvre for the first time. I thought, no problem. Let's go for the day. Let's get there at eight o'clock in the morning and we'll have lunch there because they got a couple of restaurants. So we'll have lunch there and we'll just do it. We'll go see everything there is to see.

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We'll walk through it real quick. Holy shit. You can't get through one wing of the Louvre in a day. You can't get through it in a week. Not one wing. And there's like seven wings of the Louvre. It's crazy how much art and artifacts and crazy stuff they have at the Louvre. It's the same with the Vatican. So, you know, listen, the conclave is on and we'll see what happens.

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I'm really excited to... Get the conclave on. I know. I'm going to be reading all the Italian, you know, paparazzi rags in English. I'm excited. I'm going to be translating them on Chappie. Bella!

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last time there was like some drama there was some like papal boy was sleeping with one of the cardinals i remember it was a whole thing yeah they caught him coming out of an apartment like the italian press caught this like you know altar boy coming out of one of the cardinals rooms and it was scandal and he had to apologize for his misgivings

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I like to think it's just a party when they close the doors. You know what I'm saying?

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They turn on some Bruno Mars and they get dancing. I mean, come on. Yeah. All of those guys. They say they don't let people over 80 vote. But so then, therefore, it's between 75 and 80 that you vote because all those guys are so old. Yeah. The bathrooms there must get a workout because they're probably, I got to pee. Yeah. That's probably why it takes so long to pick a pope.

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Which happened, you know, probably a week ago as we're talking about it now as you're listening to it now.

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Everyone's got to pee every five minutes. They're all old. I'd like to see them pick a pope of a different race. That's what I'd like to see. Then we know that real progress is being made. And there's always – listen, there's a lot of Catholic people in Africa. Like a lot of Catholic people in Africa. And so far – All over the world. No black popes. What? All over the world. All over the world.

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Oh, yeah. It's huge. It's like Muslim and then Catholic, isn't it? Something like that. Muslim – Catholic. Let's ask ChatGPT, what are the biggest religions? Oh, Hinduism, I think is another big one. What are the largest religions in the world? I love ChatGPT. I'm just getting, it's my personal assistant.

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Yeah, Christianity. Well, okay, so, but what about Catholics? Okay, Christianity is the biggest, 2.4 billion. Islam, 1.9. Hinduism, 1.2. Buddhism, 500 million. Sikh, Judaism, traditional religions. Oh, like Chinese folk religion and stuff like that. Yeah, so I imagine of Christianity, a good chunk of those people have to be Catholic. That's my guess.

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He was on the upswing because he decided to meet with J.D.

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Not all Catholic, but I would guess more than half are Catholic.

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Yeah, throughout the world. But the African continent has a lot of Catholics. And so you'd like to see them represent. That's what I think would represent true, like visual progress is if we had a black pope. And there's a couple of cardinals in there who are I hear from my connections in the Italian paparazzi.

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that are up for it so okay i don't know anyway tell us how you feel about the papal conclave we're just you know just shooting the shit i thought it was something interesting to talk about because i find myself yeah we could talk about it you couldn't pull me into a church but when the papal conclave comes along and they don't happen very often no so enjoy it while it's here kids because the next pope's probably gonna die in a pope party we should have a pope party who's bringing the blow

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I mean, of all the people. But listen, the Pope is, that's the Pope's job. The Pope's job is to take all comers. As a reformed Irish Catholic, right? And if you listen to this show, then you know that, you know, the organized religion is not my favorite thing in the world. Because I just think it's gone off the rails a little bit. Not all religions, not all churches, not all things.

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Yeah. Finger dip? Finger dip? All right. I see some people are calling on this hotline here. Let's see if we can get one. Okay.

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We'll be back.

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All right, so for a long time, we have wanted to have callers call into the show, but we have not been able to technically get it to work, Chrissy, because, you know, that's just how I roll.

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But I asked some people to call in today specifically, and I see the phone is ringing. I know this guy who's calling in, so let's pick up the phone here. Name is Sean. Sean is a longtime listener of the show, so let's pick up the phone. We'll talk to Sean. Long time, first time. First time, long time.

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Long time, first time. Sean Morris. There he is right now. Hey, buddy. How are you?

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Well, we are happy to have you. We're glad to have a listener call in. No celebrities today, kids. It's only regular. Well, celebrity in his own right.

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So Sean has been texting in for a long time, and I put the siren call out to have some people call in. I'm glad that you called in, Sean. Sean, real quick, you live down in South Georgia. Is that correct?

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Val Kilmer.

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You two take it on the road. Sean texts in. And, you know, Sean follows the show very closely. And for that, I am ultimately appreciative. And I tell Sean all the time, and like I tell a lot of people, listen, this can be kind of a lonely venture. You sit here. It's not lonely in the sense that Chrissy and I are here, but it's lonely in the sense that, you know, you don't get instant feedback.

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It's not like we're on a stage with people. But we have a lot of people that do text in frequently. And Sean is top three, no doubt about it. And Sean... has on occasion sent me videos or pictures of you trapping, removing wild animals from South Georgia. Now, let me paint a picture for the people who don't know.

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I'm not putting everybody, not throwing the baby out with the bathwater. But, you know, in general, the new version of Jesus that a lot of Christians subscribe to.

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South Georgia is, we're talking about like the coastal areas, what they would call low country, lowlands, where it's like swampy. Yeah, low country, low country. Some dangerous ass water, some brackish, salty water. Fresh water. Yeah, where it's like the tide goes in, the tide comes out, and there's all kind of... Critters. Critters.

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I imagine possums are in there, too, because possums show up wherever there's... Oh, yeah.

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I fucking hate them, Sean. We're good with the babies. When you're doing this nuisance trapping, when you're waist-deep in water... Because you're licensed, too. Yeah, because you're licensed to do this. How do you go about... Like, who calls you?

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AI Jesus.

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Listen to this. My dad lives on a lake. And on that lake, you know, it's a man-made lake. So it's part of the Duke Energy man-made lake thing up in North Carolina. And they had a couple of beavers that nested near their wet slip, right? Their dock, right? At the back of their house. Right. And those beavers were chewing up wires. They were chewing up communication wires.

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They were taking down trees and putting them on the dock. They were falling on the dock. I mean, these guys were doing a lot of damage. Now, listen, the beavers were there first. Okay, I got that. But they had to have the beavers removed and replaced somewhere else because those beavers were causing real damage to the property. And as cute as they might seem, they...

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They were just, they were just a nuisance. So, and if they're like causing real problems, I can see why you'd want to remove them and replace them somewhere else. When you get in the wastewater, what are you, are you taking traps or are you trying to find, do you ever trap snakes? Do you call them?

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No. The new version of Jesus that some people are subscribing to, especially some of these evangelicals and... It's just Pentecostal. It's insane. It's insane. It's insane that, you know... Anyway, I don't want to get into it.

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You have to carry a pistol because it protects you against the alligators and the jaguars or whatever?

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And listen, I want to say this to the audience. I want to say this to the audience in defense of Sean a little bit and others like him. You, all life is precious. And I don't disagree.

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And the reality is that if we're going to co-mingle, if we're going to co-habitate with animals, there are things that we have to do to keep each other safe. And sometimes those things include removing or replacing or re-habitating some types of animals so that they don't get in the way of something more dangerous or cause something more dangerous. Now, let me ask you this.

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Why are you not afraid of alligators?

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We could go on and on. And I do go on and on if you listen to the beginning of the show. There's enough satire in those bits for a whole episode. But... The Pope has traditionally, at least since Pope John Paul, I think, has tried to play the role of peacemaker and world delegate, ambassador to the world, so to speak.

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Jesus. That's crazy.

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What is... Do you find that there's, like... I know that this is going on in Florida, especially in South Florida, where they have, you know, vast amounts of swampland down there, but does it happen in Georgia that you have... tamed pythons that end up in the wild?

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The Catholic Church certainly has a trail of bloody tears behind it, but some popes, I think, have done some good. Pope John Paul II was the pope when I was a kid, and he was revered. I remember that.

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With a possum. A possum.

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That is a fucking nightmare to me. A fucking nightmare to me.

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What did you do? Just back out? Did you just back out at that point?

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Oh, my God. Sean, honestly, I could talk to you all day long. We're running low on time. But, Sean, listen, can we call you back another time? Will you give us more? Will you ingratiate us with more stories?

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I do want to say this. Sean's been calling it. I shouldn't have been texting in for a very long time. And Sean, we love you, man.

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Yep, yep, yep, yep. It means a lot. All right. Sean from South Georgia. We will talk to him again soon. 212-433-3TCB. You can call in. You can be on the show, too. Text us and let us know you want to be on the show. Sean, we'll talk to you soon. Thanks, buddy.

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Thank you, Chrissy.

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Well, I have a feeling he can talk all day long. Yeah.

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And done. I don't even want, I mean, the possum story freaks me out. If I came face-to-face with a possum, I'd shit myself. That's what I'd do. I'd shit myself.

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Under a house, yeah. And I have to go under my house to change the air conditioning stuff soon.

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Oh, I hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it with every fiber in my being. But I've got to be brave for my kids. I've got to show them that I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. You're going to psych yourself up with a song. I do have to psych. But luckily, I'm not dealing with water moccasins. Little Miss, Little Miss, Little Miss, can't be wrong. Two Princes. Cleopatra's Cat. That's what I'm doing.

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Cleopatra's Cat. Just play that and just pump yourself up. Oh, my God. How funny is that? All right, Sean from South Georgia, big fan of the show. We're a big fan of his. Sean can talk. John could be a third member of the show. He could. If we need a break, we'll call Sean.

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Yeah, he's got some stories. We can talk to him. All right. Well, I don't even know what I want to say. 12 Hours of TCB. There, we'll start with that. 12 Hours of TCB, May 31st. Saturday, May 31st, starting at 10 a.m., 12 straight episodes of the commercial break. A new one on the hour. We'll also be showing you behind-the-scenes recording stuff on YouTube and on Twitch.

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Long time. I think for like 40 years or something. I don't know for sure. But I do remember that like – In my grandma's house, there was a picture of the pope. And my family was not particularly religious. Went to church, yeah, but it wasn't like we were sitting there. And we had the priests. My grandma would have the priests over for dinner all the time, and they smoked cigarettes and got drunk.

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Stay tuned for more information. Brought to you by The Commercial Break, Covert Creative, CTB, and our good friends at Odyssey. Love us some Odyssey.

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If you want to be on the show, as mentioned, 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. You got any good stories you want to tell us? You have a question you want to ask us? Let us know. You can dial up right here in the studio. We'll let you know when to call. Also, America's Next Top Mediocre Podcaster is on after the 12 hours of TCB.

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Let us know you want to be involved, and we'll figure that out. TCBpodcast.com for all the information, all the audio and video right there at one location. At the commercial break on Instagram, TCBpodcast on TikTok. And YouTube.com slash thecommercialbreak. Should have had Sean do that. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today. I think so. I'll tell you that I love you. And I love you.

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Best to you.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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I mean, this is what priests in Chicago did back then, Irish Catholic priests. Yeah. But, you know, there was a picture of the Pope on the wall, of Pope John Paul on the wall, and that's how revered he was. He was seen as a real peacemaker, a real gentle giant, so to speak. And, you know, this Pope was known as an everyman Pope. He was kind of, he... did not live in the papal palace.

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He lived in an apartment, still in the Vatican. I mean, it wasn't like the guy was slumming it, but he was living in a very small apartment outside of the papal palace. He felt like that kept him more connected and grounded to the people that he was serving. He was known as a person who changed dogma. Almost all the cardinals who are in place now were handpicked by that last pope.

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But the pope had just passed away, and he was seen as a real change from Pope Benedict, who was kind of more of a dogmatic man. And he was more of the pomp and circumstance kind of guy, toed the line. And Pope Benedict was one of the few that retired before his death. Yeah, that was like a weird thing, right, that he would actually decide to go.

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A lot of scandal. Well, I mean, say the word Catholic Church, and there's one thing that comes to everybody in the United States mind, especially in America, probably in England, maybe in Ireland. The thing that comes to mind is the crazy and incredible... Vast amounts of sexual abuse that went on in the church, including to members of my family. So I know this story very well.

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I'm affected by it. Not me personally. It didn't happen to me, to be clear. But it was terrible and it was pervasive and it went on for a very long time. So this pope pushed back against that. He made kind of an apology-ish about all of it. He took no shit. He didn't want to hear about it. It needed to be changed.

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They weren't now going to take priests who were accused of terrible sexual abuses and scoot them from one parish to the next parish.

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That's what they did. You know, my father and I, we got into the movie Conclave.

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The movie, he kind of gave away the ending, which sucked, but we were talking about Conclave, the Academy Awards, and he said that he felt that the leftist media was pushing this, like, homosexual agenda through the movie Conclave, basically, and that he didn't believe that blah, blah, blah, that the ending was unrealistic.

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And I said, Dad, you don't think that the Catholic Church and the Pope would... like, you know, cover up some homosexual tendencies amongst priests or cardinals. And then my dad said something that kind of, like, I don't know, it almost negated his argument, so to speak, when he said, for years and years and years, the Catholic Church was a place where homosexuals went to hide.

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That's what you did, because the church did not condone, still does not condone homosexuality in any way, shape, or form. And... People who had homosexual tendencies went to church. They became priests. That's what they did because they wanted to atone for their sins and push them down. The Catholic Church, there's a lot of guilt in being a Catholic.

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It's the way the Catholic Church stays in power, my opinion. That's how it goes, right? If you are born with sin and you're always sinning and you're a sinner and you have to repent in front of these other people who have a direct connection to God or whatever, they have the power to wipe it all. I don't know. It's all a bunch of hokey pokey bullshit, if you ask me.

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And so, yes, I think that was true is that the Catholic Church and especially priests who probably knew that they were homosexuals decided to go into priesthood because they felt like that would be their service to the Lord for the sins that they were carrying. But like any sexual predilection, if it's just burning inside of you and there's no outlet...

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I'm not giving an excuse here, but holy shit, you know, secrets have to be kept. Things get done in silence and in the dark. And then people become targets and people become victims. And don't say anything because God will smite you and all this other bullshit that went on.

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it's crazy yeah i know it's like it and i'm glad that i was never affected by any of that quite frankly because i was an altar boy the altar boys were the first targets right because they were the closest to the priests and spent time with the priests alone and defrocking and frocking and holy shit you know deboning i don't even know what the fuck went on deboning and uh

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And it was bad and it was pervasive and it went on in almost like every single archdiocese in the United States of America. The Catholic Church has spent billions and billions of dollars trying to cover it up, then billions and billions of dollars paying people back, you know, paying people restitution. And it just keeps coming.

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Scandal after scandal, you know, people still suing the Catholic Church to this day. This pope said, no more. We're not hiding this anymore.

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If they do it, you go to the law enforcement. That's what you do. Let them handle it. It's for them to deal with. And, you know, it's another little washing of the hands there. But at least it was a step in the right direction where Pope Benedict, I think, just kind of kept the cover up going.

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There were noted sexual abusers who just kept scooting from one place to the other until they were retired to the priestly home in the sky or some some fucking villa in Italy or some shit like that. I mean, the Catholic Church has vast amounts of wealth, vast. Vast amounts of wealth. The wealthiest country in the world is, it's not the United States of America. It's the fucking Vatican.

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That's what it is. They own more real estate than any other entity in the world. Big real estate dollars, right? And all the, I went to the Vatican faster than I did.

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It is dripping in gold.

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Square foot on one wall of St. Peter's Basilica is worth more than any of us will make combined. Elon Musk is like a pobre compared to the wealth that the Catholic Church has just at the Vatican. That's it. It's amazing. It's immense. But millions and millions and millions of people across the world look to the Pope for their... He was there. He said Happy Easter, but he did not give the eulogy.

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Sorry about that.

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He said, happy Easter. But the last words apparently were to his personal medical assistant when he said, thank you for taking me on a ride around the square. They put him in the Popemobile. He wanted to go on a ride around the square and talk to the see the people because he was a man of the people. So this guy, you know, really kind of a man of the people.

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And you can see why people are sad that that he's gone. And now the great debate starts the conflict.

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Which we went through the last one. We saw the one for Pope Benedict. We went through the last one that I think took some time, actually. I think it took a couple weeks or something like that. And the puff of smoke. I don't know if they ring their balls or their bells or whatever.

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Isn't it like white smoke until it's – and then black smoke indicates that it's a pope or is it black smoke and then white smoke indicates?

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Yeah. Black smoke and then white smoke indicates that they've decided on a new pope.

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They take a vote and if they haven't decided – there isn't a majority, then they puff a black smoke and then if they did, then it's a puff of white smoke or something along those lines. That conclave, way more than Augusta National, is probably the most mysterious club event in the world. And Augusta National is pretty fucking secretive. I'm talking about the place where they hold the Masters.

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But this is like... Thousands of years of tradition and weirdness and strangeness and odd things happening in the closed doors where no one's allowed unless you're a cardinal. And what I wouldn't give to just, like, I think 2025, it's time we stream this shit on Twitch. Do you know what I'm saying? I really do. Let's see what goes on. Let's see how they talk about it.

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Let's see all the little intricacies of all of this, you know, thousands of years of tradition and dogma and whatever the hell goes on back there.

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This is my dad watching too much – Something, you know, I don't know.

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But yeah, he says that twist is like, whatever, you know, it's my dad's a good guy.

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Yeah, we're all getting old.

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Yeah, you know, I saw Patton Oswalt say something very interesting. Patton Oswalt said, I don't harp on cancel culture and I don't jump in on it. And I'll tell you why. It's because all of us, if we live long enough, will eventually say something that'll come back and bite us in the ass for cancel culture. And it's true, right?

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You grow up and things are a certain way and then they change, but you don't change as quick as it might change or you don't change at all. And then all of a sudden you're the bad guy. That's just the way it was back then. It's like when we were talking to Meredith from The Office, right? And we were sharing that, you know, teasing is something that we all grew up doing and getting.

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We all teased each other. That's how it worked. And if you lived with more than one sibling, then you knew that teasing was just a way of communication. But now it's like, you know, you're arrested for teasing. It's like it's a little bit on the strange side. But this conclave will be interesting.

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Ask Chris Rock. Tell him to come on. We'll help him. We'll do an interview with him. If he needs a little love here in the States with some listeners, then just give him our email address. Oh, I will. I will. Absolutely. Or both of you can come. Oh, whatever. You guys will figure it out.

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The congregation. We will help.

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Yes. Embarrassing me. Well, you put it out there. We got to listen to it, right?

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Wow. You guys really did listen.

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Do you think we're going to take an opportunity to listen to those silver-haired foxes on the RSS feed? Come on, man.

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We have to rein it in sometimes. Yeah, I love that. The biggest group of listeners, according to Spotify Analytics, is females, like 25 to 35, right? It's like 80% of our Spotify audience. And this is like a relatively new development. We were about 50-50 male-female, skewing a little bit older, like at 30 to 45.

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But then all of a sudden, over the last six months, we've turned into this younger female crowd. And every once in a while I have to remind myself.

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Or at least the people on Spotify.

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Yeah, at least the people on Spotify. I have to remind myself that, you know, Chrissy and I were just saying this, they're not going to remember what totally tubular means.

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Yeah. You face a lot of... I mean, Astrid's not... you know, Astrid doesn't have a million Instagram followers, my wife, but I see you present a lot of the same challenges that my relationship does because there's similar age gap between me and my wife.

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And so it's always like, it's fun to have conversations with my wife and I love talking to her, but sometimes it's nice also to talk to the 46 year old man who also went through some of the same things I went through. And then like, we connect on that. And that's hard. Like when I say some things to Astrid sometimes, she's like, what are you even, I wasn't even born.

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Yeah, she's from another country.

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When you're from Venezuela. All right, let's get started. Let's not waste all the good talk here. Let's get started. Oh, I thought we started. No, no. Well, we can actually, you know what? All right, we're just going.

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We already started.

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All right. Des Bishop back here with us. Welcome back. Welcome back, Des. Thank you for coming on board. We really appreciate it. We all woke up last week, Thursday. I opened up the Hollywood Reporter, Huffington Post, Daily Beast. I saw the big news that Des is starting his fifth podcast. Yes. It was front page. Flash all over the front page.

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Des is starting his fifth podcast, The Bishop Exchange, with not his brother, John Bishop. But I swear, when you made this announcement, I ran to Astrid and I go, hey, Astrid, did you know that Des has a new podcast with his brother? Because I could, you guys, not only do you, obviously you're from across the pond.

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You have the same last name, but you kind of share a little bit of a resemblance, you and John Bishop. A little bit, I think.

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over our name and you know we're like we're like like-minded guys yeah you're like-minded you're of the similar age and you're running around the similar you're playing in the same playground essentially so tell us a little bit about your boyfriend john because maybe uh maybe the people over on this side of the pond don't know as much about john as you do

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And remember, whatever you shave, welcome to the club. Thanks to Dollar Shave Club for being a sponsor of the commercial break.

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Yeah. Do you find this is pretty common? Like, we were talking to Russell Howard a couple of weeks ago.

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Good buddy of mine also. Oh, you know Russell?

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John Oliver.

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Elton John.

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So, you know, Russell, we were talking to him. Two things I found was interesting. One is that Russell is such a sensation over in the UK. But he also, I think, you know, he's got some following here, too, in the US. So when I was doing my homework about Russell, I found a website. The second interesting thing, not only is he trying to make that kind of plant his flag over here.

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Second interesting thing about Russell is that the UK is. Government. The United Kingdom government has a website tracking the popularity of comics coming from the UK.

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Yes, absolutely. Go ahead.

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What do you mean?

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It's UK.gov.

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Well, so there's a website tracking the popularity of comics over there in the UK. And I found this to be so extremely interesting because some of the people that were high on this list of comics, you know, I don't know how it gets voted. I'm sure it's just people voting online. It's like third... third call actors from Benny dorm, the show Benny dorm were like higher than Russell Howard.

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And I was busting his balls. I'm like, yeah, but are you, are you more popular than the show Benny dorm? And he was like, Oh my God, I can't believe this. There's a website out there. So now I'm going to do my research on John on that same website. And I'm going to see just.

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popularity of anybody that was... I guess the criteria for this particular website was British-born comics doing the circuit around the UK. So it's really just about British comics. And it was just such a funny website. And then they had all this information as to who they were popular with. Female, male, what age group they were popular with. It was a really interesting website.

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And at the time, because it says UK Gov, I thought it was an actual... Like, you can't.

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It's just a polling thing. So where do you and John record the podcast?

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Okay, so the Bishop Exchange is the name of the podcast. Go check it out. We've listened to the first couple of episodes.

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Become a member of the congregation.

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That's one of the challenges. Well, I have noticed as a guy who follows your Instagram, I have noticed that you've been conspicuously absent from the United States for the last couple of months. Have you purposefully fled over there back to Ireland? Yeah.

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Des' next-door neighbor is not Howard Stern. We're just making that clear right now. Howard is not on that side of the island.

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It is a job in and of itself. Do you handle your own Instagram? I do. You need a person.

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You need a person.

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I'm fascinated to know this. How do you handle the holidays?

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Yeah, she's Italian. She knows. So seven different fishes on Christmas Eve, you just like go and you have... It's cooked different ways. How do you even find seven different types of fish? Well, you got calamari. Come on, there's loads of fish. Oh, okay. If we're adding in squid, then okay.

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My dad made this all the time when we were kids. He made corned beef and cabbage of Irish descent. Yes. Of Irish descent, living in Chicago. That was a thing. Corned beef and cabbage everywhere. I fucking hated that dish. It was disgusting to me. But as an adult, I have had other people's corned beef and cabbage. It's not bad. Sorry, Dad. You made it like shit. Yeah. Well, yeah.

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So is it fucking cold over there? I was thinking about this this morning when I realized you were over in- In Ireland? Yeah.

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E-O-W-A-N, Eowyn. So when you have this storm, did it snow in Dublin? No.

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Yappa, yappa, yappa, yappa. Ah, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Greene. This is the Hurts to My, My Homes. Chris and Joy of Hoadley. Best to you, Chrissy. Best to you, Brian. Wow, I'm going to get this right one of these days. Her name is Hoadley, not Fodley, in case anybody was wondering.

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Yes. Everybody's got that friend who freaks out about the weather, right? Chrissy's my friend who does that. I'm Astrid's friend who does that. The only time that I've been to Dublin, which is just a beautiful city, the only time that I have been to Dublin was the worst snowstorm they had experienced in decades. Oh, that's right. And the entire city shut down. It was like a foot of snow.

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We got the last plane. We were the last plane to land at the airport before the airport got shut down.

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Three days, and we took taxis. We were all standing waiting for these brave taxi drivers who were going to drive us into the city and get us to the hotel. That car was moving from lane to lane without any effort whatsoever. It was just sliding all over the place. The poor driver had no idea how to drive in the snow.

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Astrid and I were shitting ourselves in the back of this taxi cab ride, and we ended up getting stuck at a hotel. Everybody. People were sleeping on the floor. They were trying to feed them and give them water. This went on for like, I don't know, four days we were stuck in this hotel.

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As a dumb American, I just made the assumption when we were flying in and I was seeing all these alerts, I just made the assumption, oh, they know what to do with snow.

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I had no idea.

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Shut it down.

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yeah shut it down and the only thing that was open were the bars and so that's what we did we walked to the it's kind of fun though and it's kind of fun and it's kind of pretty you know it's a pretty city in the snow and you know yeah so let me so i uh on your instagram you're going a little viral right now because you have a hot take uh not to say a hot take it's just a take on uh mr musk's

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wave to the crowd at the inauguration. Give me your, like, just a little dissertation on how you feel about Elon Musk in general.

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I don't agree with the politics.

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Here on a TCB infomercial Tuesday with our second second Des Bishop coming in to join us.

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I love me some Des Bishop.

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You know, last time Des came in, he said, hey, call me anytime. I'd be happy to come back on the show anytime you guys want me to. And, you know, as I always thought about it, but then I'm like, he really didn't mean that. Yeah, he really didn't mean that. My negative Nancy brain always goes to. He's just being nice.

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Part of me wonders, and I agree with you on this. I don't think he's a, you know, I don't think he's a Nazi, right? I don't think that's like, I don't believe that about Elon. I believe that he is trying to be the most retweeted guy that particular day on his own platform. And he's trying to say to other, you know, the other side of the aisle, fuck you. We can do what we want. We're back in power.

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You know, take that. Essentially. And then I can just kind of excuse making it away. But what concerns me about Elon in general is that he seems to be losing his mind a little bit. He's tweeting hundreds of times per day.

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Yeah. He's at the inauguration. Clearly, he's done something. Ketamine X. I'm not sure what it is. His eyes are rolling in the back of his head. He's swirling around. So I think this guy is just kind of deep in his own mind. like his own bubble, and there's nothing to pop it. And now he has come into power with this movement that has no intention of checking him whatsoever.

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And so I worry that he gets more delusional and the people that follow him or encourage this type of rabble-rousing are then... Also, the people that are in power.

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So now we're all just kind of losing our minds collectively, and there's no way to decipher truth from fiction because everything is excuse make the way, and everything is just really, like you said, whataboutism defeats all common sense. And I am also kind of a centrist, and I think... I feel like this kind of behavior is super dangerous. And I don't know.

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I believe in his right to free speech and all that other shit. But I was saying on the show, we shouldn't be licking the balls of billionaires. We should be helping to keep them in check to make sure that they don't get out of control and wield some intense power over our government. The government is now for sale out in the fucking ocean. And Elon is the one that's buying it.

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He's just being polite because a lot of people have said something very nice like that. Call me anytime. Happy to come back on the show. But I'm very nervous to ask them back on. But Des was – I was watching Des' Instagram. He announced that he's doing yet another podcast. I don't know how many podcasts that guy has.

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And it drives me up a wall that everyone out there on his own platform is just excuse making this kind of behavior. And, you know, almost like God worshiping him. He's really seemed to have lost it down a ketamine hole or something.

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Yeah, the...

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The podcast sphere.

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But he's doing another podcast called The Bishop Exchange with another comedian from the UK called –

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That's right. Vulnerable people become the enemy of populism, right? That has always been the case throughout time. That's how you gather power. That's how you roll in. That's how you get the snowball rolling. And it's clear that's what's happening. So while I support anybody's right to vote for anybody, including Trump, while I may not like him personally, I support your right to vote for him.

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I absolutely do. I get concerned when the entire movement is based on demonizing groups of people. And on the other side also, by the way, it happens on the other side also. And I just think that it's like an unhealthy, dangerous place to be. And Elon seems to be the guy with the biggest microphone.

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I had to be in my bonnet.

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Not related, even though they look very much alike and they don't talk alike. John has a much thicker accent. But anyway, the Bishop Exchange now available on any podcast app. Wherever you get your podcasts. It's really funny. So I told Des, I said, hey, Des, here's a reason to come in. I felt like it was a good reason to throw some bait out there and see if he really meant what he said.

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the left like it's insane a lot of people are trying to do this tucker carlson and a lot of people are bringing on apologists and saying that you know it's listen it's it's such a complicated mess and and um and i agree with your your point of view i think elon is trolling and i think shane is right if if it's an if if you're not in fact saluting the nazis then do us all a favor and just say i'm sorry just say i'm sorry that's all

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How hard is that? High as shit on ketamine and ayahuasca. And I didn't know what I was doing. That's that.

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Of course it is. And listen, we could go down the line. You know, this is not that we typically are not a political podcast, but we say things. I like to say things when I think it's just obviously makes sense pragmatically that you need to check the far, the extremes on both sides of the aisle. And you need to come out and say, like, Trump, I'm with you. I wish he would just...

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Check them like just check them because but he knows that they vote. And that's the thing is that he is looking to consolidate any vote that he can get anywhere. I said this when Trump was running. Trump will say anything to anybody any day or time left or right.

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liberal or conservative if he thinks that's going to get him a vote in the moment because memories are short and people forget and they're willing to overlook as long as he's talking to you for that moment. And that's the truth. Listen, a lot of politicians have done that throughout time, but what I think makes this different is that there are a bunch of people around Trump who are

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They're leaning into his worst urges and that allows him to lean into his worst urges. And now we're kind of in this shit show. And it does look a little fascist to me for for sure. Now, like we're laying people off because they're black. I mean, like, you know, we have to call in if somebody we think it was a DEI hire. Did you hear that one? It's like it's just it's fucking.

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insane to me what's going on. We can debate the policies about DEI or equal opportunity or all that. We can debate that all day long. But that debate should happen in the halls of Congress or in our city halls or in our own workplaces. There shouldn't be forced Like, fascism, essentially.

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And he responded right away. He's like, I'd love to. So he's in Ireland. He'll join us here in a few minutes. But the big news today, well, a news item today is that the Eagles and the Chiefs will meet themselves in the 355th Super Bowl game. And the Eagles celebrating in Philadelphia, the only way Philadelphia fans know how, by shooting off guns and running into each other with cars.

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Like, you have to call your brother or sister out if you think that they've, you know, been promoted because of some policy so that we can fire them.

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Yes, they are. I've got to look that one up. Yeah, this is insane. So, okay. So, let's move away from politics just for a second because I could go on all day long and I don't want to lean into my worst impulses. So... So let me ask you this. Last time we saw you, you were, if I'm not mistaken, you were in the Hamptons? Yeah, West Hampton, yeah.

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And a renovation was going on in one of your apartments. Was it going on in your apartment downtown?

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We talked to Hannah and then you were like hiding in the Hamptons because you guys were doing a renovation or something. Is that right? That's probably some excuse we had for just being in the Hamptons.

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Yeah, she was very lovely, actually.

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Oh, yeah, that's right. So here's my question. So do you have a place in Ireland also? Yeah, I still have the house that I've had since 2005.

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He has three houses across two continents and we have yet to be invited to either of them, especially not the West Hampton one, which here is... I know why he's not inviting us to the West Hampton. I wouldn't invite me to the West Hampton either. Yeah. I keep my shoes on. Do you enjoy the Hamptons? Do you enjoy the Hamptons? I mean, you've been there, obviously, since you were a child.

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Is it fun times? Is it good times over there?

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Des' next-door neighbor is not Howard Stern. We're just making that clear right now. Howard is not on that side of the island.

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Oh, look at Anderson.

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I mean, just insane. Those Eagles fans, those Philly fans, they are no joke. You know, when the Phillies play the Braves, It's always a ruckus time, right? Because the Philadelphia fans are fans like no other, and the Braves fans are fans like no other. And what I mean by like no other, we're like the people in L.A. We show up at the seventh inning, we leave at the eighth inning.

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She was on that show forever.

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That was the whole thing about Susan Lucci. She never won a Daytime Emmy for anything, did she?

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Which is ridiculous.

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Great character. Yes. Yes. My stories. I got to watch my stories.

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We used to have this lady that worked at the radio station where we worked at. And there was a break room. The break room had a TV. And this is an older black woman. She was probably in her 70s. She was like in the accounting department and like clockwork.

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She would sit down at noon or 11 or whatever it was. And if you went up there into the break room, you would see her watching her stories. And she would say, don't turn my stories. I'm watching my stories. That was so cute. What do you watch when you're on the road?

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yeah which they've now changed don't don't no spoilers okay okay i won't say a word about the new season but i have to tell you this so we are on the odyssey network that's our podcast network so is the severance podcast which is really good the companion podcast so i got a chance to to do some reads and for the um for the severance podcast the the severance is such a good fucking show it's so well crafted it

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If you haven't started season two, there's only two episodes. You will not be disappointed. I am obsessed with this show. And I'm obsessed with all of the rumors and theories. Oh, there's a whole wiki.

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TCB Infomercial: Des Bishop

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We show up right before the beer sales stop, and we leave right after they do. That's it. That's how long we stay at our Braves games. But those Phillies fans are getting rowdy. Rowdy.

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Right.

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I just finished it this morning. I just finished the second episode this morning. I'm just in love with that show. The part that's a little bit disappointing to me is that, you know, Severance is getting a big marketing push right now.

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But because of kind of the like the disparate nature of cable and streaming and all this. I don't think severance has the kind of audience that say a breaking bad did or, you know, stuff like that. Yeah. So I, I re and I'm, I so encourage everybody to go watch severance. I had a friend who was like, Oh, watch severance. Well, I just didn't understand it.

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TCB Infomercial: Des Bishop

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You're not supposed to understand everything.

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The third episode, you got into it?

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You know, in the second episode, how the heli is... helly is walking through the glass hallway yeah it is apps that shot visually amazing so visually stunning it's amazing i just absolutely loved it let me have you watched the show say nothing

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Yeah, they are.

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Shooting guns off in the air.

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Mm-hmm.

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Some guy shot a gun in the air. I was just watching a video. He shot a gun in the air, and the girl was like, ow, you hurt that, you know, my ear. That's a gun. Don't shoot that in the air. And he goes, I don't give a fuck. The Phillies won, or the Eagles won. And I'm like, you don't give a fuck? Okay, all right. That's the way it is. So who are we going for? The Chiefs or the Eagles? The Chiefs?

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I wanted to ask you how it was received.

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Yeah.

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Here's my take. As someone who grew up at the end of The Troubles and as someone who my family watched a lot of the news about The Troubles, but I was not very educated.

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The Troubles is the Irish Protestant Catholic, the UK government against the separatists, the people who wanted independence, the nationalists. But in the north of Ireland. In the north of Ireland.

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So this is specifically, this show follows the history. of one woman who was a part of the IRA and she became a manager, an executive in the IRA. And then it becomes also like kind of an adjunct story is about a guy named Jerry Adams who claimed he was never in the IRA. but then became a politician in the government. And some people thought, well, he's just a member of the IRA.

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And he kept claiming, no, no, no, I'm not. But apparently, or according to this movie, it makes Jerry seem as if he was directing a lot of violence during these troubles. That he was a part of it, that he was directing it, that he had his hand in it. And then, we could take five hours to explain this, but let me explain one important part.

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in the troubles, there was something called the missing, which were people that went missing supposedly because they were Informers. Informers for the UK government against the IRA. They were in the IRA, but they were ratting out other IRA members. They went missing. And some people got caught up that may have been innocent, and they went missing.

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So it makes it appear that Jerry Adams directed these people to be missing, quote unquote, right? But he has claimed all along that he had nothing to do with it, not directly. So did I get that right, kind of?

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I only know this because I watched a brief period of the Chiefs game a couple nights ago.

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You were rooting for the Bills?

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Just anti-Chiefs?

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I could not be more thrilled that one of my favorite brands has joined the commercial break as a sponsor Dollar Shave Club. Been a customer for a very long time. One very happy customer indeed. It's no surprise that facial hair is personal. It grows on our face. We all grow it, we all shave it, and all of us style it differently.

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Don't think I've ever met someone from Buffalo.

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Did you like Buffalo? I liked Buffalo.

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It was? Yeah. Really? Uh-huh. Okay. All right. Listen, I have never been myself, so I don't want to talk shit about Buffalo. But I know it's up there, that it's cold.

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I thought it was some of the best television that I have watched in a long time. So well acted, beautifully scripted, terribly stressful to watch, but intense, dramatic, interesting. And as I don't, I mean, they make it pretty clear. This is a dramatization of things that really happened.

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that Jerry Adams has never admitted being in the IRA they say that clear but that kind of that's a little bit of a scapegoat and I understand what you're saying that kind of gives them some creative liberties but it also puts in the mind of the watcher that Jerry Adams is guilty as shit right and so yeah but I mean Jerry Adams is guilty as shit in the sense that like we all like this is the problem because the series makes it the series kind of like slowly goes into this like unsolved mystery type series right yes but like

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Like, we know. But I agree with you. Like, the peace process is hard, and so at some point you have to put a pin in it and say, okay, we're going to do our best to move forward. It's the same thing that happens in any war, in any, you know, conflict. It's at some point...

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in conflicts in your relationship with your wife or your husband, at some point you have to say, okay, we did each other dirty on this one. We said some shitty things to each other. Let's kiss and make up. And can you give me a handjob? You know, I mean, listen, that's the way that it all works.

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The Buffalo Bills are a storied football team.

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Yes, very close to the falls. Did you go to the falls?

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What did you think?

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Yeah? You think you can make it over in a... Barrel?

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Yeah. So you got to be careful. Yeah. Yeah, it just takes a spark, right? It takes one spark. The snowball gets rolling downhill and that can come from... People need to be careful with their words and certainly with their actions, especially when they have a platform. And I think this conversation has... You know what surprised me?

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This conversation has been a lot more interesting than I anticipated.

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You think you're making over in a barrel?

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Yeah, that Dolores Price, those three episodes were highly intense. It's her and her sister. They go to jail and they go on a hunger strike for their civil rights. And it is some of those scenes are some of the most intense watching. But the overall, the show, I think is well-deserved.

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People do it all the time.

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The kudos that they're getting is well-deserved for the acting and for the story making and for the cinematography. It's just really well done.

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There was a guy like three years ago went over in the barrel and didn't make it.

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Des and the Bishop Exchange is now available anywhere that you find your... Join the congregation. It's available anywhere you find your podcasts. Des is currently on tour over there across the pond, but I assume you're making your way back to the States for another round.

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Des, if you come to Atlanta, we will help you sell those tickets.

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Oh, that would be awesome. That would be better. So there's a new club here called the Helium Comedy Club.

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TCB Infomercial: Des Bishop

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That's a chain. Yeah. Oh, it's a chain? But they're good. Yeah, and so they've got some good names in north of the city. There's some good names that have been playing up there. So check it out. You book the show. We'll help you sell the tickets.

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Right. They don't allow it. Right. The guy just went. He just did it. Yeah, but he didn't make it. He didn't make it. So there you go. But the Chiefs won.

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And you're also welcome to come back here. I hope sooner rather than later. Dez is our second second. By the way, you're only the second guest we have asked to come on twice. Really? Yes, true. Reggie Watts and you.

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Reggie Watts, yeah. Dude, he's my favorite. I don't think a lot of people understand the genius of Reggie Watts. We do. He is genius. Last time he came on, the second time he came on, he's like, he had a new girlfriend.

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TCB Infomercial: Des Bishop

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So we ended up spending about 48 minutes of the hour we were on talking about love and to hear Reggie Watts talk about love while he is in love was one of the most fascinating conversations we've had in a very long time. He is a genius.

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Yeah, he sent us drinks.

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Des Bishop, Reggie Watson, the commercial break, all on one.

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Well, now my wheels are turning right now. My wheels are turning. I'm going to email you because I've got an idea, an event that we have coming up, and I've got an idea.

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TCB Infomercial: Des Bishop

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Maybe Reggie, Des, and us can be in the studio at the same time. So I'm going to email you. Thanks for coming on. Desbishop.com, I think it is. .net. I lost .com.

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.net.

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Oh, fuck. Add Desbishop on Instagram. Motherfucker. Who's sitting on your URL? I don't even know. How much do they want? I can't even get to that part.

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It was a good game. That's what I was watching at the very end of it. So now I know from one of the announcers that if the Chiefs win this Super Bowl, they will be the only three-time champs, three-peat champs of the Super Bowl ever. Listen, that Patrick Mahomes, he's really good at what he does. He's really good at what he does. He's got swagger, but there's a reason for it.

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So annoying. All right. Maybe I'll help you find that out. We'll railroad this guy. They're called... Yeah, where they just buy up stuff just to have it. Yeah, they just buy up stuff just to have it. Okay. Desbishop.net. He's on tour across the pond. He'll be on tour back here in America. Please check out the Bishop Exchange burner phone, of course. It's very popular with the kids I hear.

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And tell Hannah we said hello. Des, we love you. We'll see you very shortly. Yeah.

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Thank you. Thank you.

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All in one place, all on your own terms. As a lifelong, sometimes successful entrepreneur, Squarespace has grown with me. Using Squarespace, I've been able to launch multiple websites and even build a business around launching Squarespace websites because they make it easy, it looks super professional, and it gives you all of the tools that you need to be successful online.

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Let me give you a couple examples of those tools. One of our favorites is the new Design Intelligence from Squarespace. Combining two decades of industry-leading design expertise with cutting-edge AI technology, you can unlock your creative potential. This helps you personalize a website unique to your needs. What about creators like me who want to sell content?

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Squarespace makes it easy to sell access to content on your website. Courses, blogs, videos, podcasts, and membership. That reoccurring revenue everybody is looking for so your clients can get access to your content for one-time fees or subscriptions. and then you're definitely going to need a way to take the payments.

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Squarespace Payments is the easiest way to manage your payments and not get lost in a sea of coding. The onboarding is fast and simple. You can get started in just a few clicks, and pretty soon you'll be receiving payments. Check out squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash commercial.

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and you'll save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. That's squarespace.com slash commercial, and you'll get 10% off that first purchase of a website or a domain. And thanks to Squarespace for being a continuing sponsor of our small business and the commercial break.

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And so is that... girl that sits up in the stand. What's her name?

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Oh, Des Bishop. What more is there to say, Chrissy? What more is there to say? We talked about American politics. We talked about Irish politics. We talked about Irish politics and then American politics. It was a whole day. Severance. We talked about severance. That's one thing we did talk about. And the non-existent renovation that Hannah told us was going on in her apartment. There you go.

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So is that girl. I didn't see one Taylor Swift sighting, though. But I was kind of watching the game with my head turned.

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Now we know. You've been outed, Hannah. You've been outed.

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We meant to get our story straight before I came on, but I didn't talk to her. No. That's got to be interesting. Hannah is very successful at what she does. As a matter of fact, I think she just sold out three nights at Radio City Music Hall with Giggly Squad, her runaway podcast hit. And Dez is famous in his own right and much more famous over across the pond.

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Then they separate for long periods of time. He's over there for seven weeks. That's a long time to be without your wife. That's a long time to be without your wife.

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Look at you! Does Jeff like the professional football?

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part of me thinks that might work just fine I'd love to separate from my family for seven weeks just the children not the wife just the children actually I think I'd I think I'd miss them terribly you absolutely yeah I go out you know I go out of town to a conference or whatever for a day or two and all of a sudden I'm missing my kids it's fun that's fun it's funny in that way about children and family members is that you think you need a break from them and then you get a break from them and you really don't want the break from them yeah you're instantaneously missing them

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So anyway, Des, lovely human being, desbishop.net. That's where you can get tickets and information about his tour. Also check out the Bishop Exchange with John Bishop and Des Bishop. It's a good podcast. We've listened to the first couple of episodes. They're just getting started.

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TCB Infomercial: Des Bishop

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One of the things that they do do is you can actually call in live on their show, and they will take your questions right there. More information about that on his social medias. So thanks, Des, for coming in today. We certainly appreciate it.

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Yes. And I believe we'll see Des for a third time. Maybe.

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He told us he would, but we'll see. We'll see how it goes. After we just talked American politics for an hour.

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I agree. A hundred percent. Listen. Everybody's got a point of view. It's okay to share that point of view every once in a while. I know that the commercial break is often a break from all of the regular bullshit, but sometimes the bullshit percolates and you just want to hear what somebody else has to say. That's it. That's all we're doing here. Just facilitating a conversation.

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Yeah, look at us. Look at us. We're the new Rogan. Oh, no. No. No, sure. That won't be happening. All right, densebishop.net, you know what to do. Also, we'd love it if you would check out our website. We have a .com, tcbpodcast.com. That's where you go to find out more information about the show, all the audio, all the video, right there from one location.

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So if you're a URL kind of person, feel free to dial us up. You can also get your free TCB swag.

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You are a kind of dude.

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On the AOL. There's a song that my son has been listening to, and in this song, it's got the noises of dial-up. Oh, wow. It's like a sound effect. And he goes, Dad, that's what phones used to sound like, right? And I go, that's how you used to connect to the Internet. And he said, with that noise? And I go, well, that's the noise it would make. He was very confused about everything.

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You're going to go fantasy football with me?

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I said, that's the noise of computers talking to each other. And he was like, like Siri? Okay, I'll just put it down. Forget it. Never mind. You'll learn when you're old. You'll hear it in the history books.

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All right. At the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok. And now every single episode of the commercial break is available on video, usually the same day that it airs at youtube.com slash the commercial break. So please go. Follow us. Subscribe. Like on your favorite videos. You know what to do. 212-433-3822. That's 212-433-3TCB. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas.

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We take them all. Voicemail or text message. We'll get back to you. Join the conversation. Share if you care. All right, Chrissy. I guess that's all I can do for now.

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TCB Infomercial: Des Bishop

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When you do fantasy football, please explain to me exactly how it works.

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I'll say that I love you.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, we will say, we do say, and we must say.

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Easy. I have it.

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I could not tell you one sentence about fantasy football. Not one. I would go to conferences. I would speak in front of people. Really? I would market the company. And you had no idea how it worked? Had no clue. Had never played fantasy sports in my life. Didn't start when I worked there. Never did it afterwards. And I was the vice president of marketing for the fantasy football company.

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TCB Infomercial: Des Bishop

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Well, you see how well the fantasy football company did. Currently employed by that fantasy football company. We marketed it right into the ground. When you hire the guy. So the guy comes to me and he says, hey, listen, I'm starting this company. I know a couple of tech geeks and they've built this platform and it's really great. And, you know, it's all the rage and fantasy football.

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TCB Infomercial: Des Bishop

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It's going to change the world of fantasy football. And I was like, great. And he's like, so I want you to be the marketing guy. I want you to head the marketing department. It's a startup company. They just gotten funded. And I said, that's great, but I got to tell you one thing. I don't know the first thing about fantasy football, never played it.

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TCB Infomercial: Des Bishop

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And he's like, I don't think that really matters. I think you could probably market our company as well as anybody else out there. And I said, okay, well, if you're going to pay me, sure, why not? And I didn't even ever take the time to get educated about fantasy football. It was a short-lived job.

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That's what makes us all unique and interesting, and honestly, I think that's pretty fucking great. Dollar Shave Club is for everybody and every budget. Whether you like to go smooth like a baby's bottom or you're maintaining a fantastic manscaped beard like I do, Dollar Shave Club offers grooming products that are always high quality and always the right price.

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TCB Infomercial: Des Bishop

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Not because I was bad at my job, but because the guy who ran the company was bad at managing all that money that people gave him. Yeah, well, you know, it takes all kinds, Chrissy. It takes all kinds. Well, when you get into fantasy football, let me know. But we're not talking about football today. We're talking about Dez Bishop. His brand new podcast, The Bishop Exchange.

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TCB Infomercial: Des Bishop

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He, of course, is on burner phone with his wife, Hannah. And you can catch him, if you're over on the other side of the pond, on tour currently. In Ireland. Yep, desbishop.net. You can check out those dates in the UK and in Ireland. And then he'll be back here stateside in the spring. He is one of my favorite comics characters.

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He is genuinely a nice guy, and we are so pleased that he was not full of shit, and he, in fact, agreed to come back on a second time. So our good friend, and we call anybody who comes here twice a good friend, right? So, so far, we have two good friends, Reggie Watts and Des Bishop. Our good friend, Des Bishop, joins us through the magic of telepodcasting as soon as we get back from this break.

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What do you think, Chrissy? Let's do it. All right, we'll be back.

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This episode is sponsored in part by ShipStation. Well, if you've been listening to the commercial break over the holidays, then you know that Chrissy, Christina, and I have been hard at work knocking out 25 episodes in one single month. So we understand just how chaotic a business can be.

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So when you're running an e-commerce business, you understand there's a special kind of chaos that goes on with fulfillment and shipping. But ShipStation is one service that you can count on to help you remain calm day to day We'll be right back. We'll be right back. stuck around with ShipStation. Now it's your turn. Calm the chaos of order fulfillment with the shipping software that delivers.

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So let me introduce you to some of their top sellers. I think they're going to make your grooming routine feel like a spa day. And anybody who listens to the commercial break knows how much I like a spa day. The Club Series 6 Blade Razor. This isn't just any razor. It's a mini vacation for your face. It's got six stainless steel blades and a vitamin E infused lubricant strip.

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Switch to ShipStation today. Go to ShipStation.com and use the code commercial to sign up for your free trial. That's ShipStation.com code commercial. Thanks to ShipStation for being a sponsor of the commercial break. One of the best television shows of this decade is Severance on Apple TV. And I have been patiently waiting like everyone else for season two. Well, the wait is over.

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Our cup fill is over because on January 17th, Severance season two will be released. This genre-defying television show will blow your mind. It's hard to describe even one minute of it in the short amount of time that I have. So I'll tell you this.

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If you're a fan of dark comedy, sci-fi, romance, drama, dramedy, well-acted, well-written television shows, and or having your mind blown, this is the television show for you, my friend. And now, The Severance Podcast with Adam Scott and Ben Stiller is available for...

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free on the Odyssey app or wherever you listen to your podcasts, and they are re-watching with us season number one every weekday until season number two is released, where they will then re-watch season two with us.

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And they are going to give us an in-depth episode analysis with behind-the-scenes stories, fan questions, and guests from the show, like creator Dan Erickson, as well as John Trittoro and Britt Lauer. Plus, celebrity super fans like Jon Stewart, Kristen Bell, and Dax Shepard are going to stop by. This podcast is going to be another excuse to spend more time thinking about severance.

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If you're not watching this television show, run to Apple TV, watch season one, listen to the companion podcast, and then you too can have clammy hands waiting for season number two to release. It's available now, free on the Odyssey app, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. This episode is sponsored in part by Groons. All right, let's talk about a better way to take care of your health.

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Groons is backed by over 35,000 research publications with ingredients that boost gut health, immunity, and even support thicker hair, glowing skin, and more. You wanted a supplement you could enjoy? This isn't a chore. It's something you look forward to. Do not wait for the flu to strike. Take control of your health today with Groons Vitamins.

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This razor delivers the closest, most comfortable shave. Honestly, I feel just a little too pampered after I use this. And the precision trimmer is perfect for getting those little detailed areas like right under the nose or around your jawline. Because when you're going to keep it high and tight... You need to get it precise. But don't take my word for it. Try it for yourself.

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Hey, your immune system's going to thank you, and now you can get up to 45% off when you use the code TCB. That's 45% off when you use that code TCB on Groons Vitamins, and thank you to Groons for being a sponsor of The Commercial Break.

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Welcome back. Well, you look good. Welcome back. Yes, thanks for coming back.

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Thanks for having me. Thanks. I've actually been wanting to reach out for a long time, but, you know, the holidays and all that other stuff. But every time I see a reel, I'm like, I should let Dez know he should come back on the show. And so when you got the new podcast announcement, it was a perfect time to say, let's do this.

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TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

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Okay. Now listen, here's the callback and response. They sing this over and over again. Oh, sorry.

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TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

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Look at these people. They are hypnotized.

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This crescendos into some craziness.

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Yes. Boom. Just like your favorite song would do, right?

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TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

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And they do it again, over and over again. Crescendo, crescendo, crescendo, louder and louder, faster and faster, more instruments. You are totally mesmerized and hypnotized. Right, you're in it.

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And it's hip and it's cool. And it's not the same things that your parents were singing. It is something completely different, right? This is not the hymns of the church. This is modern music. This is Adele. This is Whitney Houston. This is whoever. So they get these fucking young kids wrapped up in this craziness. Brian Houston starts this and it starts out small.

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However, there is a small segment of the audience that gets really annoyed when I go after these guys and girls. I don't know. Call me a throwback. Call me a classic. I got a soft spot in my heart for the kind of satire that can actually open eyes to the world around us. Now, I don't place any importance on that satire that I'm doing. I just find it funny myself.

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He puts it in the middle of a major metropolitan city in Australia. And he starts treating it almost like a nightclub. It's an event, right? Church starts at 7.30 p.m. It goes till midnight. There's a red carpet that you're walking. It's an event. It's a concert. Multi-million dollar stage productions. It's mainly music with a charismatic preacher.

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And so he breaks out and decides he starts a college. This church starts to get huge. People are going fucking bananas. Do you know how many plays that one video that I just showed you has? No. 486 million plays on YouTube. There's over a million likes on that video. That's insane. The amount of money they're generating just from one video is insane.

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So now Brian decides he's going to open up a church in the United States in downtown New York. And instead of getting a church space, he gets a live music venue. And that's where he puts the church every Sunday at 7.30. Uh-huh. And he gets this charismatic preacher named Carl Lentz. Carl Lentz is the guy that we've seen with Justin Bieber, Kendall Jenner, all these celebrities.

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Young, super smoking hot guy, dresses to the nines.

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Yeah, he cusses.

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And people are like, oh, he's us.

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People in New York go crazy about this.

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Because they know that any place that there's a line with 150 people waiting to get in, it's a place they want to be.

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And Justin Bieber, that's right. And it starts getting almost, this guy has more fame than anybody in this particular preacher circle, right?

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He starts getting secret service-like security. People come in and they'll do like a sweep of the facilities before he shows up. He's talking in front of 25,000 people. The music's playing. People are going crazy. They've got VIP sections. They start bringing like – they all have 35 – Named celebrities in the front row, and all the pleons have to sit in the back. It's a whole thing.

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They're selling records. They have a donation box that's getting folded, a fucking gullet. And Carl Lentz- Paying no taxes. Paying no taxes, and buying property all over the world. And Carl Lentz is the superstar of this show. Brian Houston's doing his thing in Australia, but it's really Carl Lentz in America. Mm-hmm. Who is just having a fucking grand old time, right?

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TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

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You want to hear a little bit of Carl? You want to hear him talk a little bit? Sure. Okay, let's look at this guy.

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Handsome dude. I mean, that dude is like, he's like the sting of preachers. He is the sting of preachers.

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TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

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Oh, yeah. I want to have sex with this guy. I'm just sharing that information out loud.

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We're throwing this back to April 15th, 2022. If you even remember that far back when Chrissy and I reviewed me reviewing a documentary about Hillsong where Carl was a preacher. This is the first time that Carl voice makes an appearance. along with some other noteworthy commentary on megachurches in general.

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I'm just 100% convinced about whatever he said. I don't know, but I'm convinced. But holler back. Yeah, he's hot. He's cool. He's hip. He's got a little bit of attitude in his voice. You hear that voice like the kids talk. Holler back at a player if you see him on the street. You see my Yeezys? That's $75 million. I got them. Yeezy gave them to me, flew them to me on a private jet.

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This guy is like a rock star amongst rock stars. He is.

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One of the things he's really known for is giving a lot of dating advice, like sex advice. And it's all about purity. Purity, purity, purity. He shames people who have sex before marriage.

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Let's listen to his dating advice.

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You'll also note in this episode that the actual commercial breaks inside of the commercial break, the liner where Rachel tells you how to find us on social media and our phone number, and the commercials that follow those liners actually just come out of nowhere. They're random places in the episode because this episode was made before we even had advertisements. That's how long ago this was.

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I do not want to run into you at the club and hit on you on accident. Carl is on fire. This is when he's a little bit younger, too. At one point, he had longer hair and he had man bun.

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TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

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I think so, yeah.

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TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

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Yeah, dude. He's like super strict about dating. He's like he would publicly.

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TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

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Yeah. I mean, first of all, second of all, you're in high school. What do you want me to do? I got to pass my classes. Unless you're going to be like Brian and work at McDonald's 40 hours a week going to high school. There's a famous picture of this guy. And the famous picture is him and Justin Bieber. I don't have the picture. The famous picture is him and Justin Bieber.

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Yeah, they had just played basketball or something. They're walking. And both of them have their shirt off. Well, Justin has like an open shirt and he has his shirt completely off. Carl Lentz does. And his pants are... are right in that man runway. You know what I'm talking about? Those two little muscles that go down there that are pointing in the direction of your flaccid cock.

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You know what I'm saying? It's like a little... It's a street sign. V, the V. Yeah, the V. It's a neon V just pointing directly to the happy zone. And Justin... Justin... looks like a fucking schleb next to Carl Lentz. Justin looks like your fat old dad on the beach when you were embarrassed that he was still wearing socks on the beach when he's next to Carl Lentz, who looks like a man-god.

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I mean, the guy is like, Jesus Christ, reincarnate. And the thing about Carl Lentz is... Why, as a preacher, would you ever be walking around the streets of downtown New York with your, you know, vocational V hanging out? You just don't do that. You just don't do that. It's not V for victory. It's V for vaginas go here. You know what I'm saying? Like...

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TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

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Yeah, of course. Why else would you be – and you know there's paparazzi going to take pictures of you.

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TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

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This is a story that has been told so many times it's not even funny. Now, I watched this documentary. Knowing some other things about Hillsong that I think are much more serious than Carl Lentz being a douchebag, right?

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It's a whole thing.

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It turns out that Carl Lentz happened to be sleeping with a couple different people while he was talking about purity and all this other bullshit. Yeah.

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TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

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Fame got to his head. And at first I was like, well, who really fucking cares? Okay, the guy cheated on his wife. I mean, people cheat on their wives all the time. He got fired in this big public firing, and Brian Houston distanced himself and said, listen, there have been some red flags for a while, and I don't want to get into it, but basically this is the camel that broke the whatever.

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TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

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The camel that broke the straw's back. You know what I'm saying. You know how it goes here at the commercial break, just twisting words. And so, but my initial thought was that seems awful fucking dramatic for like a relatively common offense, right? Maybe they could have spun it like, you know, Carl's going to go away for a little while. He's going to get redeemed.

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Him and Tiger are going to go to, you know, you know, vagina addiction classes. Sex rehab. Yeah, sex rehab. You know, the bullshit that they say they're doing. And then he'll come back and he'll continue to sleep with people. Just keep it more on the down low this time. Right. But that's not what happened. It was like a big fucking blow up. And Carl himself said, I did wrong.

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TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

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And yes, I do have to pay some bills, so you'll excuse me for dropping in a couple of advertisements. All right, enjoy this TCB classic, also known as Hey Girl, It's Carl. Episode 173, for those that are counting. We'll be back tomorrow with a fresh episode, and at the end of the week for 12 or 13 fresh episodes. Enjoy!

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TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

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You know, I'm stepping away, whatever. Meanwhile, he continued to like really creepily pursue some of these women on the backside. On their backside? Well, that's exactly what he was saying.

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thinking about he would send them like three minute long videos where he'd be like hey girl i'm just you know i'm thinking about you'd be in the car like hey girl i'm just thinking about you me and the lord were rolling down the highway i got my vocational v hanging out you know i'm talking about i just got back from you know doing a little workout at beebs house

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TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

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I was showing him how he gets his vocational V back. So, you know, you know, Biebs getting a little flabby. So I was thinking about you and I just want to know if it's okay to think about you. If it's okay to think about you, let me know. He was saying things like that, right? Real creepy. And he's like, and if it's okay, I'll stop by your house every once in a while.

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TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

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You know, knock on the door, surprise kind of thing. You know what I'm saying? Like real creepy, creepy bullshit. He did a really good impression. Thank you. Holy. It's me, Carl Lentz.

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TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

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You know what I'm talking about, girl. So Beeb's writing a song for you. I'm going to send it to you a little bit later, but you don't mind if I stop by your house, your work, your parents' house, you see? Yeah.

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TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

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Yeah, I might get in a little trouble. I'm married. I don't know if I told you that, but don't worry about it.

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TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

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Big Carl, Little Carl, just here shouting out to you, girl. I got my Yeezys. I got my Chanel scarf wrapped around my vocational V. You know what I'm talking about, girl.

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TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

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I'll rip it up. I'm going to leave my wife here in a couple months. Run away and get married. Okay, so that's all for now, I guess. You know, I'm just trying to chill. I'm just like, if it's okay that I call you, you let me know. You call me, you tell me that it's okay to call you when I'm thinking about you. But, you know, because I just, I'm hurting. The Lord has a big hole in my soul right now.

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And I got to fill my tummy. I got to fill my tummy with that girl love, you know, I'm talking about. You know, it's hard for me to preach on a full dick sometimes.

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TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

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So Carl has a big blow up at the whole church and you know how it goes. It's, um, it's a whole to do, right? But that is not the worst of the offenses.

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So now this is a couple, this is like a year ago that this happens in, but the, what is really going on behind the scenes is that Frank Houston, I think his name is Frank Houston, Frank Houston, who is Brian Houston's father, who originally brought the church to Australia from New Zealand.

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Was actually having sex with young boys, uh, in the original church, and Brian Houston covered it up for years and years and years. Like, they found out about it, it became a thing, but essentially it just slapped him on the wrist and told him to, you know, go away, don't come back to the church, and please don't be in any other positions that may put you in front of children. Well, of course...

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TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

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Of course. I thought he listened. Yeah, he didn't listen, and nor did Brian Houston try and stop him. Now, you know, that's a complicated relationship. I understand son and father and all that whole bullshit. But recently, like this week, all of the sudden, some of these Hillsong churches across the United States, 50% of them, by some estimations, just closed the doors or changed their name.

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They moved away from Hillsong.

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Because they don't want to be associated, including the one here in Atlanta. Right. They said, we're no longer going to be Hillsong. We're changing our name. The preacher is taking it.

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Yeah. I mean, hey, girl, I'm changing my name to Dan Wentz. Used to be Carl Lentz. It's now Dan Wentz. You know what I'm saying? I'll be back at church. Don't you worry. So here's my point. When we start putting these people on pedestals, right? When we start, Blue, honestly, Blue wants to get into the conversation. Blue has some thoughts. Blue's in 33 of the 170 episodes that we've done.

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She's so fat, she's like... That goes on all night at my house. Oh, Lord. So now... I swear to God, I'm about to go out there.

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TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

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So all these churches closed. Here's the point. You, when we put... Earthly things in unearthly positions. This always fucking happens.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2113.974

Because people are human. Now, diddling little boys, un-fucking-acceptable in anybody's mind. I think anybody with the right mind on their shoulders will agree with me on that point. Sleeping with somebody that's not your wife, that's, I think, a much lesser offense. And I understand that people do things, like shit happens. And Carl couldn't control himself.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

213.46

I told you. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. I gotta tell my daughter. No, no, no, no. And she'll go like this back to me. She'll finger wag back to me. If I tell her no, she'll finger wag. And if I tell my son no, he just does whatever the hell he pleases. But he's a three-nager, and that's what we got to deal with. Best to you out there in the podcast universe.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2136.823

And doing the other. It's so fucking hypocritical. But this happens all the time. When are we going to learn our fucking lesson? Be spiritual, not religious. And if religion helps you, God bless you. Then keep on going to your religion. You're going to your corner church and you love it and you love the people. It's community. It's family to you. Keep on doing your thing.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2154.23

But don't get caught up in all this bullshit. Don't get caught up in these crazy characters who beg for your money.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2164.513

And then they're flying around brand new 747s that are macked out with, you know, fucking Gucci logos. And you're still trying to make rent. Two planes. Two planes. Yeah, two planes. Because one didn't do it. And you're still trying to make rent and cutting a $100 check to these people every week. Don't do it. Don't get caught up in the bullshit.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2183.919

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's so good.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2188.02

So... I'm just putting a cap on all this. I just want to update people on the Hillsong. The documentary is fascinating. I think I just told you most of the story, so I've probably taken a lot of the bite out of the three-part miniseries. But it's fascinating. Discovery Plus, it's one of the ones that I recommend that you watch. And it's well done, too. Okay.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2203.049

Because at first you're like, oh, who fucking cares? A preacher slept with somebody. Big deal. You know, happens all the time. But then it gets a little deeper and you're like, oh, I see. It's a whole fucking thing. Yeah. Okay, now, before we let everybody go, I wanted to end on a funny note since I knew this was going to be a little bit more serious. I didn't know Carl was going to show up.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2222.241

I thought it was going to be more serious. You want to hear a drunk preacher? Yes. Just a drunk-ass preacher. Yes, please. Just a man who was drunk who just decided to get up there and sing to the Lord. This is where Carl Lentz is going to be in five years from now. This is the church Carl Lentz is currently at.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

231.929

Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of this, The Commercial Break. Another one you'll ever need, in case you're wondering. That's it. Don't worry about those other commercial breaks.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2328.783

You ready? Okay. This is what I call drunk preacher. Thanks to whack jobs for Jesus for the video. Here we go.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2350.072

Arn. That's the nudist, folks. The American Association of Recreational Nudeness. I don't know.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2381.427

thanks we were calling it by the wrong name yeah it was aren't we kept on saying aren't and it was like aaron or something i don't know who knows more shenanigans from tcb oh yes lord

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

240.052

This is not the commercial break you're looking for. Yeah, the vlog that never seemed the light of day until I decided to make it see the light of day. How bad?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2432.289

Look, this guy is like the dude you meet at the local dive bar. He's got the full-on 90s goatee.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2441.576

Yeah, it's long. That's a Jerry Cantrell goatee.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2445.539

Yeah, it's a goatee. Oh, but it doesn't have the mustache. It just stops.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2448.761

it's like a corner of the lips i don't know what you call that you call that a allison chains that's what i call that it's an allison chain it's a sound garden that's what it is uh and then he's got the pants that are riding on the victory v right there oh yeah they're about to fall down yeah and that shirt hasn't been washed in a couple weeks his wife won't let him back in the house he's just a mess yeah

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

251.545

Yeah, I mean, listen, we all make mistakes. We're going to look back on this in 10 years and go, well, that's a fucking train wreck. We probably should have gotten jobs.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2529.335

I think that's just a high-quality studio TV.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2537.819

That's the sound garden in it.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2563.257

Hey, Bob, I really like what Joe's doing up there. Sign him up again. He's holding his stomach like he just had a big steak dinner. He's about to fart. That's how I hold my stomach after Thanksgiving.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2600.239

I'm so drunk with your glory.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2639.826

In his mind. Joe, you're killing it. You're killing it. They don't know anything. It's the best sermon you've ever given.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2661.741

I love this guy.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2665.345

I don't know. This is like me 15 years ago at your house on a Saturday afternoon. All right. Don't talk about her. Don't call her. Don't call that girl.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

267.328

Yes, Your Honor, in bankruptcy court. I was trying my best. Look at what it could have been. It could have been much worse, Your Honor. It could have been much worse. So a lot of stuff to get to today. Let's jump right into it. I... You know, we just got back from having a little break. And so when I was on vacation, I didn't have access to my normal viewing activities.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2710.889

Oing, oing, oing. People will believe anything. Teresa Caputo, drunken preacher.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2781.924

That's what's out of the commercial break.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2787.906

No. They just believe him. Everybody at the front row.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2803.431

The way that that video cut out, it sounded like by location story with Jeff shit once, two places. Let's go back to that. I want you to hear how that cut out just a little bit and how it sounded like it was Jeff shit. Ready? Here we go. Listen to this again.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2892.364

This guy needs mental health. It happened on my birthday.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2899.146

That's how it happens, Chrissy. That's what happens.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

291.877

Because I will say this about the Disney cruises. No TLC, no Discovery, no nothing. We'll say this about the Disney cruises. I have been on the much bigger cruise ships, and the internet was as if you were at your house. You could make phone calls. You could internet it. No problem. You could download, stream, do whatever you want. The Disney cruise had miserable fucking internet.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2932.446

Love you, girl. Love you, girl. Love you, boy. Oh, my God. Fails. Never fails. Every single time we talk about a preacher on this show, they're doing whatever they're telling everybody else not to do. Every single fucking time.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2947.274

Drunk with your love. Drunk with your love, Lord. Drunk with your love.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2957.071

It was a good day back. Thanks, Chrissy. Appreciate it. Good to be back.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2960.793

Good to have it. Everything is right with the world. Great to be back. Chrissy and I are going to be at PodFest for the last weekend in May. Go to PodFest. Go to podfest.com. If you want free tickets, I'm going to link it in the show notes. If you're interested in the podcast industry whatsoever, you're a casual observer, you want to get into it, you are into it, go to PodFest.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

2982.73

You can see Chrissy and I are going to be there all day on Friday, and we're going to be doing a live episode of the commercial break as a presentation, which is going to be a ton of fun. Special guests, lots more to happen at PodFest. The good people over at PodFest. So that's a live appearance that we're making. Down in Orlando. Yeah, please do.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

3000.444

Otherwise, you'll have to see us at our next 33P Praster event. Yo, girl. What's up, girl?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

3007.926

What's up, girl? Just look for me. V for victory. My V is more like a B. I got a B. I look more like... What was that guy's name in your video? Pullman. What was his name? Plumlee. I'm more like a Plumlee. I got more of a Plumlee figure than a Lance figure. I got a rolling B all the way down to glory. There you go.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

3039.043

Amen, brother. Amen, brother. Here's what you do. You go to tcbpodcast.com. More information about Chrissy and I, all the show notes, all the audio, all the video, now full episodes and clips every single day of the week. You can go to youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak to check that out at thecommercialbreak on Instagram. I love how we've had so many phone numbers.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

3058.718

I have to change it on every best of. 212-433-3TCB. Okay. That's it. That's all I can do. I love you.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

3071.27

And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time. We always say. We do say.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

311.267

You couldn't even get on a website. That's for a reason. It took like 30 minutes.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

315.589

No, they want you to buy their internet program. That's what they want. They block your phones. They have a phone blocker because we're not that far off the coast. Like, I mean, you can pick up cell phones in Miami until you're probably 30 or 40 miles away, I would imagine. I'm not a technologist, but I imagine that's how it goes.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

333.573

They black your fucking cell phone and then they tell you you got to buy, you know, 300 megs for $30. You know what 300 megs is? It's like one really good selfie is what that is. And so someone sends you a text message with a fucking picture in it and you're fucked. You just spent $30. Anyway, anywho, I didn't have any, but that's okay. I wasn't there to watch TLC.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

354.971

I had to do plenty of that here in the studio.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

359.195

A little back. A little bit. A little bit. But when I got back, I was inundated with news and television that I had not yet had an opportunity to watch. I turned on my go-to TLC Discovery. First of all, you are not watching the new 90 Day the other way.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

384.468

I saw that, but we didn't like it. We watched one episode and we weren't into it.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

392.851

Okay. Then I'll keep going through it.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

396.272

It's fucking whack.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

398.973

I won't give away anything about the first episode, but here's the premise is that five or six couples.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

40.048

I dug my heels in for a few days, but when she just flat out refused to go along with the idea, I figured it might be hard to do 24 episodes in 24 hours if I had no co-host. So 12 of them. That's what we settled on. I still think there's a chance she might not show up, but I'm hoping you do. DCB's Endless Day at the end of this week. We'll be right back. So, in return, I give you a TCB classic.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

404.034

Same host, Vanessa and Lachey. The premise is that five or six couples that are on the verge of either – it's like they're giving them an ultimatum. Either we're breaking up or we're getting married. Yes. One of the two.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

417.764

Yeah, and so they discuss all that on the first episode. And then for three weeks, you pick another partner. So there's 12 people.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

425.129

You pick another partner and you try them out. And you decide if you really want to be with the first partner, which is absolutely fucking wackadoodle. It makes no sense. It does. There's no real life application for this. This is just a drama. This is just a shit stirring show, which I get it. That's what Netflix needs to do in order to drive ratings.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

443.306

I don't hear the same kind of scuttlebutt about this as we did about Love is Blind in either season. Yeah. But I watched the first episode, and it's just so unbelievable to me that I can't get into it. And here's what I told Astrid within three minutes of the show. I said, not one of these couples is not already broken up. They're already broken up.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

461.927

And they're coming on here as like a last-ditch effort or because they want some fame. Because you do not send this person that you're ready to get married to into a home to live with some hot fucking stud for the next three weeks and see if his dick happens to make it into your vagina.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

486.405

I read somewhere. Listen.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

492.128

There are – I just want to give this disclaimer again. There are lots of shows and programs that you can go to to get fucking facts. This is not one of them. Do not take anything that we say here with any degree of seriousness because we do not know what we're talking about.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

505.06

We're two friends as if we were sitting at a bar shooting the shit, and one of us really doesn't know what facts are, and that's me. So let me explain. I read somewhere – so let me explain.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

521.013

Starboard. Starboard. I think that's the right side of the ship. The cockpit. The cockpit. Yeah, that's not it either. That's so plain. I read somewhere. The galley. The galley is the front of it. It's like the place where you walk in. I don't know. Now I still can't remember. It's the, I don't know what it's called. The thing. The place where the people are. It's at the helm. They're at the helm.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

546.964

They're at the helm of the ship. But I don't think that's what you call it either. Anyway, I read that non-monogamous relationships are becoming like consensual non-monogamy is becoming very popular with the younger generation.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

562.296

I don't, I'm not one who believes that you should be monogamous for the rest of your life if you don't want to. You should do whatever the fuck makes you feel good, right? That your truth, if where you live in your own head, in your space, is that I don't want to be stuck with one person for the rest of my life or at any time in my life, God bless you. But I see this turning out really badly.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

592.486

A lot of rage happening in these younger kids. And I don't know, but any relationship that I've been akin to, like that I've seen in my own life where they decide they're going to do –

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

604.292

consensual non-monogamy it's just another word for our relationship isn't working let's try something really fucking drastic and it never worked never not once now once have I seen it work out and I can you and I could probably name 10 people right now you would know who they were yeah you already know who they were okay so I get back from the cruise and then I got a whole thing of to watch

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

623.746

And one of the things that pops up on there is a documentary series on Discovery, three-part documentary series on something called the Hillsong Church, which I've been watching this story for years.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

637.075

The Hillsong Church, let me give you a little brief, I'll give an explanation, right? And I actually wrote some things down so I don't get them wrong, right? Yeah, because I know that some people who are listening who have ever been to the Hillsong Church might be upset if I get it wrong, so I won't get it wrong. The Hillsong Church is a...

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

653.686

breakaway church from a Pentecostal-type evangelical Christian church based in Australia.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

663.155

Yeah, you did. Guy comes from New Zealand named Houston, and him and his son, Brian Houston, they start this evangelical church in Australia. Then Brian breaks off and starts another church that eventually ends up becoming the name Hillsong Church. Okay. Named Hillsong because of the band that was playing at the church was called Hillsong, right? Okay.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

685.558

So Brian's – his father has this very traditional – They should have called it 33P. They should have called it 33 Penis Church. I'm the 33P pastor. Yeah.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

701.596

If they'd only known about us, then Hillsong would still be going strong to this day. But they're not. And I'll tell you why. Brian breaks off. He starts this more younger version of the church, like hip, like relaxed, not so Pentecostal, not so brimstone and fire. Yeah. And he realizes something.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

718.331

He realizes that the music that's being played at the church, which is a little bit more forward thinking than most of, like repeating all of the same old hymns and maybe putting a little razzle dazzle on it, is not what everybody's into. What they're into are these big ballad swooping songs that are very popular at the time, 80s, early 90s.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

738.917

So Brian catches on to this and he goes, or the people at Hillsong catch on to this and they say, there's a formula, right? It's the music. That is doing something.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

749.775

I'll tell you what it is. Music is scientifically able to change your emotion based on certain chord progressions. There's a whole thing called music theory that lots of people study in college where you can actually manipulate how someone feels, given the right circumstances, based on chord progressions.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

771.348

Yeah, and if you listen to an upbeat, happy chord progression, major chord progressions, then you're going to feel good. If you listen to major, minor chord progressions and they swoop, it goes from soft to loud, you're going to feel – it could be a religious experience. It could be considered a religious experience.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

790.901

Think of Celine Dion hitting some huge high note in a minor key after a major. You're going, oh, or Adele, Whitney Houston. All of us who've been to a concert can probably describe a religious type experience at a concert because music does that to us. And I do believe there is some God in music.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

811.754

Like there is some universe, you know, computer in the sky, whatever spirit, whatever the fuck you want to call it, that music is a communication tool that we don't quite understand yet.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

823.177

Kids can learn how to read faster if there's music set to it. There's a whole thing, right? It's a thing. Something goes on with music, and it really hits us at our core. It's a communication tool that we don't quite understand all the power of. But what people who are in the know have been doing for many years, and especially preachers, is they – like if you go to a Benny Hinn –

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

842.222

You know who Benny Hinn is? No. Okay, Benny Hinn is this huge evangelical preacher on TV, and he's the guy who will hit you on the head and then tell you you're cured of MS or some bullshit.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

852.513

Stuff that's never been true, right? It's all bullshit. It's fake. It's a big show. But he puts on this big show, big lights, big show, and what he does is he starts the music the second you walk in the door, and he swoops to a crescendo. Really? An hour later, yes. You have been manipulated.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

866.186

Your mind is in a totally different headspace, and you think this stuff is happening, and it's because of God when maybe, right? But probably the more realistic answer is that it has been designed to do so. To do that, yeah. Hillsong catches on to this, and they start doing this with God. regularity, and super effectively.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

87.486

Every time I do that damn Carl voice, you know the one. Hey girl, it's Carl. That one. Based on the infamous preacher Carl Lentz, we get a slew of messages on our TCB hotline. 90% of them are from you, the good-natured listener who takes comfort in the laughable hypocrisy of megachurches.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

884.631

Now, I'm about to do something that I'm not going to put this on YouTube, but I'm about to do something that I have never done at the commercial break, and that is I am going to play a song because I want to play this song. And I want you to hear this song. This is Oceans. by the Hillsong Band. There's a girl who's singing this. She's got a very incredible voice.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

9.312

episode of the commercial break if you ask me today memorial day 2025 whether or not i regret having a wise idea to do 12 episodes of the commercial break in a 24-hour period i would tell you no nay no i do not because my original idea was to do 24 episodes in 24 hours to which my longtime and very faithful co-host said, fuck you. And cooler heads prevailed.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

903.598

But this is a live version of this. All of their live songs are 7 to 12 minutes long. They all start out very hypnotically, and then they move into this crazy callback. I sing a verse, you sing a verse. I sing a verse, you sing a verse. Back to the audience. And listen to this song and tell me that if you listen to this for like 15 minutes straight, you wouldn't feel some kind of emotion either.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

927.37

Okay. Ready? Let's play this. This is called Oceans. I walk by the side or some shit. And this is just as good as any popular music that's out there today.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

938.414

Of course. And listen, look, it's eight minutes long.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

954.092

Come on, sing it. Tonight's your prayer. Sing your prayer to me.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

966.38

This chord progression is known as major minor chord progression, I think, right? And so what it's doing is it's hitting on a note that sounds happy and familiar, and then it's moving down to a note that sounds more dramatic and sad.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

985.419

There's 10,000 fucking people in this video. You've got to see this video, but I'm not going to put it out, but you've got to see it, because YouTube will just demonetize it anyway. Okay, now I'm going to fast forward. Get it? Okay, I get it.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Hey Girl, It's Me...Carl!

999.488

Oh, yeah. It's a whole orchestral thing, right? Now I'm going to fast forward about three minutes in the song.

The Commercial Break

A Goth Girl Summer of Love

103.91

The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.

The Commercial Break

A Goth Girl Summer of Love

319.266

You can't help it.

The Commercial Break

A Goth Girl Summer of Love

50.168

On this episode of the Commercial Break.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

1006.013

Okay, so one of seven. So how did you grow up? Did you grow up Catholic, Christian? Catholic. Catholic.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

1047.953

Jeez, it's like a little Brady Bunch situation going on.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

1052.475

Yeah. So where do you fit in the group?

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

1055.877

second oldest second oldest of all seven of all seven wow it's got to be that's got to be in so i'm one of four uh my mom was one of eight good catholic you know upbringing my mom wanted more my dad i think understood that this is it this is the limit i don't have any i don't know how many more credit cards i can oh right yeah he's like the money isn't increasing yes because the people are that's right

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

1080.411

That's right. And we're all going to Catholic school like little good Catholic children. We're all going to Catholic school. Did you go to Catholic school all your life?

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

1112.298

Well, yeah, because... So when I was... I lived in Chicago, born in Chicago, and I go to Catholic grade school there. And for those of you that aren't Catholic, you may not understand that the archdiocese, at least when I went to school, and I'm sure maybe Rory too, the archdiocese will...

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

1128.442

fund they will fund some of your education if you are catholic and you attend one of their archdiocese churches right so like here in atlanta so when we were in chicago the education was mostly free i think they paid a couple hundred dollars a month for whatever and then the uniforms and then the and then the and then the but when we got here my dad was just like i just moved here i have a new job i don't know how long i'm gonna have the job i gotta i'm sorry guys you're gonna have to go yeah

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TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

1152.971

sixth grade, you're going to have to do middle school, out of the frying pan, into the fire. The difference between the two educations was... And I went to one of the nicest suburban middle schools in the country, and I felt like I was getting eaten up by a big flower. I mean, like a big dragonfly.

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It was crazy how much different the attitudes, moods, and just having 700 children in your grade was, right? Right. So when I go, then we go back to Catholic school after sixth grade because my dad realized that we were. The black eye that I had for the entire year was probably not good for my confidence. And my dad found a way to get it done. And here's the point. We get to sixth grade.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you.

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We get to seventh grade in the private school back in Catholic school. And within three months, the teachers are like, we've actually got to hold them back a grade because I don't think they learned much in that sixth grade. There's a difference between the speed at which they educate you when there's 15 kids in the class versus 500.

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And so you hit high honor roll in the public school?

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Yeah, it's like a continuation of the Catholic guilt. And I mean, we know this uniquely as Catholics going to Catholic school, but you are not applying yourself. You are not focused. You cannot sit still. And it's like, in your head, you're thinking, what is this original sin that I'm born with that I can't sit here and pay attention to?

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. It's a TCB Infomercial Tuesday with Rory Scovell. I am so excited to have him here with us today. This has been a long time in the making. I asked a long time ago for Rory to show up, and he did not. He did not.

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I feel like you and I have a very similar story because I also, in 11th grade, there was a lot of trouble. There was some family strife, but I also was one of those kids who was diagnosed with ADHD. I have a twin brother.

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And I think what happened is that me and my twin brother kind of suffered the same fates in a lot of situations because there weren't that many twins and they didn't know what else to do. If you're ADHD, you can't not do this and you have to do this and we'll all go together and we're just doing it that way. And they put me on Ritalin, and it made me so anxious. And I would sweat up a storm.

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You know, I'm already Irish, so I'm schvitzing all over the place. And I got these huge armpit stains. But then I'm wearing these coats in the middle of winter just to cover these armpit stains. But I would go to class, and I would just be so anxious. intensely focused on something and so nervous at the same time about everything. And so it didn't last long. I was there.

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I was on that for maybe two or three months. And when I took it off, I found a way to kind of focus in on things. But yeah, but these these kids, they're on really intense stimulants. I also took myself off of... Mainly cocaine is mainly what I took myself off of.

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And now he is here, and I am very excited because one of my favorite television shows of all time is a show called Those Who Can't. It's a television show that had a brief run on TruTV three or four seasons, I think, and now you can't even find it. We were just looking for it, and you can't find it.

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Isn't that the worst? I got into that phase in my 30s, too. You had to read it each time. Do you find as you're getting older that you're paying more attention to the... I think it's kind of like the butterfly effect. Like, I don't know that all of these things are connected, but I feel like if one thing is affecting one thing, then it must be affecting the other.

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In other words, it all kind of is interconnected. So if you're eating better and you're addressing past traumas or... situations in your life that may be locked inside your head or weighing you down emotionally, if you take care of those things, address those things, it can only improve everything a little bit more, right?

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People are – I think they get stuck in their heads and they get stuck in their ways. And I think also – and I know you know this because I watch your special and I sense that you're onto this – is that the tribalism is so strong that if you –

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It's crazy, but it is one of the— Oh, yeah, he's also been on Physical. He's been in a lot. Babylon. He's been in a lot of television programs. He's done a lot of stand-up. And he is known as an improvisational comic of... He's like on the top of the mountain as far as improv comedy is concerned. He's always down there. Largo. We're going to Largo, darling.

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everything is about one or the other black or white when everything's really gray it's like if you believe in eating healthy then you must be one of these health conspiracy nuts who believes every you know big mcdonald's is a big conspiracy to keep us all fat and ugly and And weighed down. But and you voted for that girl or you voted for this guy. But that's not the truth.

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You can evolve like we can evolve and not believe that, you know, 5G waves are going to activate the COVID vaccine and send us all to hell. But that eating, not eating McDonald's every day for lunch is probably not good for us. There is a middle space there where you can believe those two things can be true at the same time.

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You did this special on HBO, on Max. It's streaming now on Max. It's brilliant. It's really good. Thank you. You're welcome. And you go right at it, right from the beginning. You hit right at the kind of the gut of religion. What is your... Where are you now in... Where are you now in kind of your evolution about religion? You grew up Catholic, went to Catholic school, just like I did.

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Something turned me off big time about the theocracy and some of the idiocracy. And I was just having this conversation with my dad yesterday, which was not a comfortable conversation. Because he said that Conclave, the movie, was Hollywood pushing a liberal agenda on it. And I was like, Dad...

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Anyway, I said, Dad, you know, the Catholic Church has been a hiding ground, like literally a place for gay men and women to go hide for years. And the fact that the Pope might or might not understand that is not a Hollywood conspiracy that's been written. It's the truth. But anyway, where do you stand in religion as an adult?

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We're going to Largo to see Rory and Conan. And maybe catch a little John Mayer of Largo. I wish I was in LA so I could go to Largo.

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Yeah, just to say you're going to Largo. I'm going to Largo, darling. I'm going to Largo.

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Yeah, it's so tainted and it adds to the tribalism and now it's political, which is just crazy to me because that was my dad as a kid. I don't know. Maybe your parents were like this. Also, my dad.

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I remember this specifically during one of the elections, like the first Clinton election, second Clinton election, when I was aware enough that an election was happening and I asked my dad, who did you vote for? And he looked at me and he said, you never ask somebody that question. He said, you never asked somebody that question. He's my fucking father.

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Meet me at Largo. And you'd think Largo is this magical place with palm trees growing in the middle of it and a pool where they have girls in one-piece bathing suits and bathing caps. Largo seems like a magical place. But then you look at it, it looks like a dining hall. It's like a dining hall. But Largo... If you go to their Instagram, anybody who's anybody is at Largo.

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He wouldn't tell me who he voted for, which was insane. But I long for those. I long for the day when you didn't. But, you know, you are I think you are you and I think a lot alike about this. And I know Chrissy does, too, because we've talked a lot about it on the show. It's like religion in and of itself is not the evil creature. It is God. Sure. Sure. Do unto others. That's it.

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And that story's been told, that story was told seven times before Jesus Christ supposedly even walked on the earth, this kind of the same story. And I love that you wrap in this new special, it's not new now, but it's been out for about what, a year?

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Yeah. It's so good. And you wrap this in such a hilarious package, but it's pointed and it's satirical and it's improvisational, I would imagine, at moments. And it's just really good. It's really sharp. And you go at it and the audience seems to be with you because it's hard to defend. It's hard to knock common sense. It's just hard to knock common sense.

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And I saw during the pandemic, the COVID, I saw Rory was at Largo a lot. So you know he must be good because everyone's there. Everyone's showing up at Largo. Every comic we've had on this show, maybe with the notable exception of just a few, I've seen their picture at Largo over the last six months. It's insane. And then some we haven't had, like Conan.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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Thank you.

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They're known for a lot of things. So anyway, so Rory is a very diverse, very well-rounded actor and comedian. And I just couldn't be more excited. This is like a personal.

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Thank you. Thank you.

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It's a personal. I'm personally fanboying just a little bit because those who can't is great. And you can't find it anywhere. So I implore you, the listener, to write into True TV or whoever owns the rights. I think it's True TV. Yeah. Release. Release the hounds. Yes. Release the those who can't. Oh, and Rory has a special that came out about a year ago to much value.

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I think it was like kind of all over the place. A lot of press about it. Religion, sex, and a few things in between is now on streaming on max plus minus HBO plus minus. It's on that HBO. Discovery TLC. But it's on that app. I watched it over the last couple of days. I thought it was brilliant.

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I think this is the downside. And I think there's a lot of downsides, but I think this is the downside. The wonderful part about prestige TV and the ability to throw, just throw cash at creative ideas and allow them to manifest themselves in beautiful ways is great.

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But the downside is once the press gets out there and physical is great and everybody watched physical and they see a bump in subscribers, we're going to season two, but then it doesn't happen again in season two. It's just like, guys, sorry, we got to let that go. And so you get these kind of, there are so many great shows, Netflix, Hulu, Apple, Amazon, That have three and done. That's it.

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Because I think that's the natural arc of subscriber acquisition due to the show. It's like once the press fades out, it's like, what are you going to do?

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Brilliant.

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I think it's, Chrissy and I have talked about this and I kind of take this contrarian stance that Netflix broke something that was not broken. We may not have loved everything about it, but the kind of the way that cable carried television shows into our homes and allowed good television to stay around, there was something there. And now, yes, we have endless choices, but- The discovery is hard.

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Yeah, he's also on tour. So all the links in the show notes to all of that, get tickets to his tour. And all of his Instagram, his TikTok, all of his social handies. Handies. I'm thinking about that auto blow toy.

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If your show's not getting a bunch of press, it's just going to get buried. You know, the story arcs last for a season, maybe two, maybe three. And it's just really tough as the viewer, because you get emotionally... Imagine if Severance ended tomorrow. We'd all go throwing our heads through a wall. Well, physical was good, and there's not a lot of closure around it. As is those who can't.

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And that was one of my favorite television shows ever. Of all time. So here's the story. I go, I was lucky enough to take a big, long trip in Spain. My wife is Venezuelan and Spanish and we have family in Spain. So we said, let's go spend a month in Spain. Let's take the kids. They're young. We're going to go spend a month in Spain. And we traveled all around and we get to the north of Spain.

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And my wife had rented an Airbnb that really ended up being like a working chicken farm. It We were in the middle of the Andalusian mountains or wherever the hell we were. And we are on this like live chicken farm and the Airbnb.

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I said, honey, the only thing I need is I need internet so that I can make sure that the show is running and that, you know, we get communication from the network and stuff like that. And she says, oh, don't worry. Every Airbnb we're going to get has internet. But when we get there, the internet is coming from the owner of the house lives in

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two doors down which is like half a mile away and she has internet that she then sends to like you know it's in it's like a wireless router so if certain parts of the house you might or might not be able to connect depending on what day or time or if the chickens are out if they're not or whatever

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So I had downloaded – I had watched a couple of episodes of Those Who Can't, and I downloaded all the seasons onto my phone through TruTV, or I think it was TruTV. And I – The way that I did that is in the middle of the night, I snuck out of the front of the house and the chickens followed me and tried to peck at me.

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They followed me and I went up to the other house and I started downloading your episodes. And you kept me sane through a good portion of this trip, which I really wanted to go insane. We're in the middle of nowhere, nothing to do. The kids are going crazy. The chickens are shitting everywhere and trying to kill my kids. And I watched your show and I loved it.

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I just wish there was so much more of it. Was that a great experience making that television show? And so many comedians came on that show.

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Let me break down the fourth wall for the 50,000th time on this show. It takes a lot of work to book this show and Astrid and the great team at CTB book the show, the guests on the show. But that doesn't mean that we also don't get pitched a lot of guests outside of that kind of circle of trust that we have, so to speak, the tree of trust, the nest, the safe nest.

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$10. $10.

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Well, this will probably be the 300th time I've said this on the commercial break, but watch that television show. It is so fucking funny. It is one of the funniest television shows that I honestly have ever seen. I loved it from the first episode. Send me that picture because as a fanboy... I'm going to print it and I'll put it here in the studio.

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And I think that's a fun part about the show. Really, honestly, I mean, all the guys are good. Benny's great. Adam's great. But you are a scene stealer in that show. It's like every time you come out, you want more of the principal because it's just so funny. And I can only imagine...

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how many takes some of this took, because if I was standing there, there would have been breaking all over the place for sure. What is your favorite thing to do? Is it like, are you still in love with improv? Are you feeling stand-up is... where your place is, you're kind of versatile.

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You're one of those few who are doing all, I mean, I guess there's a number of people out there who do it, but not to great effect. You've now been in a great television show, had a great special, been in comedy TV. What is your, where does your heart lie?

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And we get pitched so many guests through our general mailbox, like PR people just, you know, throwing auto-generated emails, I'm sure, out there. And we got the most interesting one about an hour ago. The creator and owner of the auto-blow machine, which is, I guess, the world's best auto-masturbator.

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My hope for you is you go back to your time with the guys. Those who can't free yourself and you focus and you say, I'm going to be the scene stealer. I'm going to be the guy who shoots the ball because I think you're really talented. You're very good at stand up. You have a you are a natural storyteller. I call you a tendril comic. And this is a complete comic compliment. And here's here's why.

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You're a storyteller, but there are tendrils. You go here, you go there, you bring it back. You go here, you go there, you bring it back. It's my favorite kind of storyteller is someone who knows how to take a left turn and then get back on the road at some point. But in between, we're going to have a little laughs with this absurdity, with this craziness.

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I'm sure Rory's going to love that this is an intro to his DCV info show. But the auto blow machine is one of these, like, it's a huge contraption.

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I mean, I don't know if you intended this in your special, but there's a whole part where you're like, let me get back to what I'm doing. You pull out a piece of paper, you turn around and you do three and a half minutes with this piece of paper, two and a half minutes with this piece of paper. And I just thought it was brilliant. Was that improvised? No.

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Yes. Yes. It's like mine. It's like a small VW bus. But this one you have to plug into the wall. At least mine was chargeable. You can take it off the plug. But this one you plug into the wall and then you sit it on yourself and then it just like does its thing, auto blowing you to complete you. It's auto-blowing you to completion. And you can sync it with real-life porn movies.

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Yeah, just the way you cut it.

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Yeah. Wow. It's so good. You watch it. It's religion, sex, and some other things, right?

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Everything in between. I'm sorry?

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And everything in between. Yeah. On math. And a few things.

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It'll be in the show notes.

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When I say Tyndrell comic, that's the Tyndrell comic. It should have started with that. A few things and religion and sex. Rory Scoville, I got a million other questions. So I hope you come back. I really am grateful for your time. Oh, and Rory is now going until April. How many shows are you doing?

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Okay. Well then when in fall, when you come to Atlanta, uh, We will come see you. I will put links in the show notes as we always do to Rory's, all of his pertinent stuff, the special, how to get tickets. We really appreciate you being here today. You are a smart, kind, empathetic, self-aware human being who also happens to be hilarious.

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Yeah, coming from a mediocre comedy podcast host, now you can go die in peace. Brian said it.

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You have reached the pinnacle of your career, my friend.

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We often say here, when you come to the commercial break, you're either on your way up or on your way down. I'll let you figure out which one it is. Thank you, Rory. We really appreciate it.

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Ah, Rory. I really like that guy.

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I really like that guy.

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auto blows we didn't get to the auto blow but maybe next time when he comes around we'll talk to rory about auto blow yeah that is my favorite type of conversation i find that we have a lot of those around here actually is when um what you may not what you didn't see actually what you won't see in that cut is that when we you know we stop and went during the commercial break we talked to him and say okay

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goodbye thank you very much and all that other stuff and he said yeah I really like the way you guys approach that because you just sit and have a conversation it's relaxed it's and I said yeah because you know that this is your life type of interview so many people do that and I find it it's overdone like there are some people who are really good at that Howard Stern really good at that 60 minutes

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really good at that brian and chrissy we can't focus on anything for more than two minutes so you might as well just have a conversation like you're talking to a friend yeah like you're talking to the chef at the counter with the martini there you go that's yeah that's when you get all the good juicy information that's when you learn that the bread on your table is going to be the croutons and the salad tomorrow and trust me no one wants that shit no one chrissy

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So there's some porn movies where you can, I guess, like Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon and Wizard of Oz, you can start it both at the credits, and then it'll auto-blow you to completion, just like the movie.

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All right.

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I did, too. I hope he comes back. He will. He'll be back. I have a feeling. I have a feeling that's one of the few that say they want to come back and will actually come back. Or maybe I'm wrong. I've been wrong before. I could be wrong again. I don't know. All right. RoryScoville.com. That's where you get all the tickets to his tour. I'm sure that all of his special information is up there.

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But need not even go to his website. You just click on the links below in the show notes. All the information will be there. I'll put all the pertinent details, and we'll repeat that throughout the week so that if you didn't hop on board on Tuesday, you can go on Friday and check it out in the show notes. That's how we do it, in case you haven't picked up on that little pattern.

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It's Rory week here at the commercial break, and we sure are grateful for his time. Just a nice guy. Just a nice guy.

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I love every state. I'm all about it. Every state. North and South Dakota. East and West Montana. They're all wonderful. I love them. Yes, they are. West Virginia. Regular Virginia. I love them all. I've been to all of them. All 48 contiguous states I have visited. Did you know that?

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That's amazing.

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I have stepped foot in all 48 contiguous states, and I think that is an accomplishment that every American should try. Now, I know that it takes a lot of time to do that, and not everybody is a college dropout with a bad cocaine problem, but if you do get there in life... Just keep driving. That's all I got to say. Do a big circle. It'll be okay.

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Yeah. Oh, we didn't even ask him about Mike Gordon.

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We didn't even ask him how he got up with the guy from Phish. I know. That's true. Yeah. Oh, that was like the most interesting question we had. Leave it to us. Who has ADHD? Him or us? I think between the two of us, we couldn't figure it out.

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But it was an interesting conversation. I hope you enjoyed it as much as we do. So go to the show notes. Click on his links. Go see him. Watch his special. You know. TCB Podcast dot com. That's where you get more information about Chrissy and I. All the show notes, all the audio, all the video right there at one location. You can also get your free TCB swag.

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We'll send you a sticker if you give us your physical address. Astrid will send you one. Take about a week or two to get there. No muss, no fuss. Add the commercial break on Instagram. TCB Podcast on TikTok. YouTube dot com slash the commercial break. And two one two four three three.

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Three, TCV, questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, or leave us a voicemail and be the next voice of the commercial break. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now.

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I'll tell you that I love you. And I love you. I'll say best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, we will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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So anyway, probably not going to have that guy on as a guest, but maybe, I don't know, maybe that's what we should do.

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Maybe that's where we get our... I'm going to tell him, I'll say, if I get 30% of any sales that come from the commercial break, I'll probably be a millionaire after that episode. Everyone's going to be like, I got an auto blow, a TCB auto blow.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

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Yeah, we could do a collab, a TCB collab with the auto blow guy.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

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It does. Listen, it's not above us. It's not like I'm saying we're too good to have the auto blow guy on. We're not. It's just can we actually have a conversation with the auto blow guy without getting electrocuted?

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TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

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That's all I'm saying.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

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I don't trust something you got to plug in. I just don't. I'm not putting that thing on my dick. I'm sorry. It's just not happening. I like to hide when I'm doing my thing because I don't even want to see me. I was talking to somebody a couple months ago and they were like, yeah, it's kind of weird. You're in the mirror doing your thing. And I'm like, in the mirror? You're doing the mirror?

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

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You're watching yourself?

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

505.942

That's gross. I feel bad for Astrid. I like to turn the lights off. So at least she doesn't have to look at this while she's trying to auto blow herself to completion.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

524.461

Rory's here.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

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Rory's on tour. He's got that special. He's been in Physical. He's been in Those Who Can't, which you cannot watch anywhere. So I don't know why I'm talking about it.

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TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

542.886

My Northwest Spain adventure with the Airbnb that had no air conditioning, chickens, and no internet or television.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

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Which, hey, listen, I'm sure that for some people that's like, you know, that's the best thing that ever happened. Yeah, that's the best thing that ever happened. But for me, it was the worst thing that ever happened because I was like, wait, I got to sit around with my extended family and talk with no distraction?

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

571.546

I think we were there for about a day and a half, two days, if I recall the story, before we took off.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

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Couldn't do it. Couldn't do it. We left the rest of the family there. And Astrid's like, I already know. I came to her and I'm like, honey. And she goes, I already know. I booked a hotel. And I'm like, all right. Yeah. But those who can't, I downloaded it onto my phone while holding my phone up in the middle of the street trying to get my neighbor's internet.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

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In Spain, while the chickens were coming after me. I didn't even know chickens were nocturnal. That's the weirdest thing. I know.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

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Yeah. And then all of a sudden, like the Wi-Fi waves are going through their brains.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

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They thought it was morning time. They thought, oh, this guy's here to feed us. And I said, no, I'm here looking for Internet. Get off my leg. Get away. They're scary when they're that big. Well, it was a rooster, actually, and he was not happy that I was. Hanging out near his ladies. Yeah, he was defending the hen house.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

644.835

I said, listen, it doesn't even work for human women, so it's not going to work for chickens. Don't worry about it. I'm good. I'm just looking for some true TV comedy. That's what I'm looking for. So let's do this. So before we get way far off track, check out Rory's special. If he's coming close, get some tickets to his tour. We got lots to discuss with him. So let's do this.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

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Why don't we take a break, Chrissy? And when we get back through the magic of telepodcasting, you and I will have Rory right here in my living room, essentially. Wa-bam! Wa-bam! Wa-bam! I wish I could do that, but I'm too throaty today to do wa-bam! It sounds real now. It's like...

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

690.63

We're on our 10th fake spring around here and the pollen is starting to snow pollen in Atlanta because it rained over the weekend and it was warm and now it's cold. So what happens? The trees jizz pollen directly into my sinuses and then I've got a... Tree semen-based infection in my nose. That's what happens. Sock puppet like Ari. Sock puppet. That was funny. That was funny. All right.

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We'll talk lots more about all that jazz when we get back with our good friend. Our good friend. With hopefully our friend, Ari Scoville. We'll be back.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

790.506

Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large.

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TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

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And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

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They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything. You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Serea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. And Rory's here with us now. Thank you for your time. Very grateful to have you here with us today.

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TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

851.16

Where in the world are you located?

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TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

859.848

Yeah, how do you like Denver?

The Commercial Break

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863.452

You are originally from Greenville, South Carolina. Is that right? Yeah, right around the corner from where we are. We're here in Atlanta. Yeah.

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871.558

Yeah. Greenville has become quite a little pocket of cool. Yeah. And I didn't know that. I went and saw Pearl Jam there maybe like seven or eight years ago. And we spent a couple days in Greenville and just kind of darted around from here to there. And I thought, what a cool fucking city that I have never thought twice about living an hour and a half away. Yeah.

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TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

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700 000 that price is substantially higher yeah the fact that the you guys can't stop advertising how great right yeah but we see that we see the commercials all the time i think i saw a billboard one time it was like yeah greenville is second atlanta and we don't want it or greenville is atlanta number two we don't want it or something along those lines it was like it was like the greenville uh tourism board said please don't come we're not interested in your bullshit yeah you

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TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

946.346

We are the armpit of Atlanta. Don't bother. It's a great jaunt. I mean, if you live here in Atlanta, you can go an hour and a half away. But I do understand places like Asheville and Charleston and, you know, these places.

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958.777

Charleston has always been a tourist city, but Charleston also is just like overrun with tourists like every other tourist town in the world and places like Greenville, which are like these tertiary cities everywhere. They get inundated with human beings to go there for the weekend. And then they decide, since I can now work from home, let me go live there.

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And then people like Rory's family have to pay $850,000 for a thousand square foot dump shack.

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People are like, fuck.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Rory Scovel

985.451

What happened? You should be $100,000. Your parents still live there?

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I Would Rather Not!

1000.552

You may have never heard a Phish concert. You may have never been to one. But I guarantee you have friends that have. I guarantee you know people who have been to Phish. Or I guarantee you know people who are going to shows that were influenced directly by Phish. They have had their tentacles in all kinds of musical history. I am not a cuck for Phish. I like the band. I like their music.

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I Would Rather Not!

1020.959

I've been to shows. I enjoy watching them live. It's not my favorite band ever. But I would say they certainly have earned their place, like the Grateful Dead earned their place in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Phish, in a lot of ways, is another Americonic band that is highly successful. So Phish deserves their place. Outkast deserves their place. Joe Cocker deserves his place.

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I Would Rather Not!

1042.778

The Black Crows deserve their place. The White Stripes deserve their place.

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1047.622

We can talk about, like, White Stripes... We can talk about how that's influenced music in all kinds of ways. The revolutionary band making music on their own terms. The Black Crows, they're just in-your-face rock and roll. And that voice that Chris Robinson has. And those two brothers, the way they're always punching each other on stage and kicking each other in the balls and stuff.

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I Would Rather Not!

105.885

Would you rather have to give a TED Talk about your last sexual experience or your search history projected on a billboard for three days? Oh, God. Well, I'd do the TED Talk because it would, like my last sexual experience, it would be very short. I'd just be like, I came, I saw, I came.

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I Would Rather Not!

1068.587

That's one of the great rock and roll stories of all time, along with Oasis, those two brothers. The stories of four brothers who can't fucking get along, and they make great music, and they can't get out of their own fucking way to get on stage and make us all happy. Fuck all of you.

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I Would Rather Not!

1084.364

Who did?

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I Would Rather Not!

1085.624

Oh, I know. Oh, they're talking about Oasis. I was like, what? Really?

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That's what I said. Yeah, that's what I said. You've got two sets of brothers that can't get along to save their life and make wonderful music. Both of them, like both sets of brothers.

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I Would Rather Not!

1102.929

Like Kevin and I. Kevin couldn't play an instrument to save his life, but I know the saxophone or the sexy phone, if you don't mind. That's right. I play Alto. What do you play? Nothing. That's right. Kev, you should have stuck with it. Because do you know how many times the sexy phone has gotten me laid? Zero. Zero.

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I Would Rather Not!

1130.501

I have put my lips all over the sexy phone. I get my reed wet every time. By the way, wind instruments are some of the most disgusting things in the world. Trumpeters are always spitting their saliva all over the floor. I mean, I was in band for a long time. I know how to play a sexy phone. Not very well, but I was second chair because I was too lazy to be first chair.

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I Would Rather Not!

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And I agreed with my band director's decision. I was like, I don't want all that pressure to practice. No, I'll just let him play and I'll pretend. Yeah. When the solo comes on, just give me an A, D, A, D, A, D. But I knew. I knew the notes and I knew how to play. And, you know, I would also not toot my own horn. I won a few local awards for my sexy phone playing.

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I Would Rather Not!

1178.063

Mainly because the guy in the first chair would come with me to the competition. And he was very good. Russell. It was Russell and Brian. They were mainly Russell dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, Brian. Yeah. And the people who were judging the competitions would be like, well, I'm not even sure the second guy played anything. He just pretended. But Russell was really good.

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I Would Rather Not!

1202.778

We would practice for weeks and I would just retire. Anyway, whatever. Those wind instruments, when you have to get a reed wet, you just have to keep on licking it until it's wet and warm. I mean, if you think about it, it's all kind of gross. Now in my old age, I'm not sure that my germaphobes would handle a sexy phone. But back in the day, I could get a reed wet. You were good with it.

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I Would Rather Not!

1221.73

I think that's where I got my tongue skills.

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I Would Rather Not!

1223.752

There you go. All right. So that is the nominating class of 2025 for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. So haters be damned. I think these are really hard choices, actually.

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I Would Rather Not!

1237.351

If you don't mind. Oh.

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1244.068

Brian just kicks over a glass of water. Yeah, I think it's a really hard choice. And I don't even know that I could pick five. But I would have to say Joe Cocker, OutKast, I think Fish, I think the Black Crows. White Stripes. Yeah, Chubby Checker, I guess. I would get all of them.

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I Would Rather Not!

1263.462

I would get all of them. I really would. Well, Mariah Carey, bad company. And I'm sorry, Joy Division. I know so many people love Joy Division New Order. I know. I know. I was never into that unless I was dating like a goth girl. And then all of a sudden I became like a New Order fan. I was like, oh, yeah, I love New Order. That's great. That's great. What songs do they sing? Yes.

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I Would Rather Not!

1286.575

I know that there is a big cult following for Joy Division, New Order, and so can't shit on them too much. But if I had to take a couple of out, the out, and say, okay, next time, guys.

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I Would Rather Not!

1297.701

Just for this year. Yeah, I'd say New Order, Joy Division next year. I'd say Mariah Carey next year. I'd say Bad Company next year. And I'd say Soundgarden next year because Soundgarden is going to get it. They're going to eventually. Chris Cornell died and posthumously. He was one of the more interesting voices.

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I Would Rather Not!

1320.081

Bad Motor Finger. if to me, is one of the transformative albums of my life. It was like the first grunge album.

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I Would Rather Not!

1333.189

Alice in Chains. Alice in Chains, yeah. Pearl Jam. Pearl Jam. Nirvana, yeah. And so many hundreds of others. Those were like my informative years. Yeah, me too. But Soundgarden? They were older than the rest, and they were first. They were like in the 80s. They were making music that was starting to sound a little edgy, like the time of Guns N' Roses.

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I Would Rather Not!

1350.26

They were one of the first OG original Seattle sound bands, and that Bad Motor Finger came out just like... It preempted a little bit of all of that Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains hype. Stone Temple Pilots came a couple years later. But I will tell you what, that Soundgarden album, I bought it in Chicago on a trip home, like back to go visit family.

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I Would Rather Not!

1373.492

And my aunt let me buy it at a CD store because I had heard one song and I wore the shit out of that album.

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I Would Rather Not!

1380.856

I couldn't believe it. Like, it was, like, sonically explosive. And I just loved it. And his voice. Oh. It was like a hot knife cutting butter. It was unbelievable. Chris Cornell, may you rest in peace, my friend. Another great one gone. I can't believe Eddie's still here, actually. I can't believe Eddie Vedder's still here.

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I Would Rather Not!

1401.314

What's that?

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I Would Rather Not!

1402.555

Are you going? I got tickets for both nights.

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I Would Rather Not!

1404.918

I got tickets for both nights. Do you think I'm going to miss Pearl Jam?

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I Would Rather Not!

1407.841

I got Pearl Jam. I got Oasis. And for some reason, I got Shakira. Don't ask me why. I don't know. I'm heading there. We're going to go see Ari Shaffir. We're going to do Oasis. We're going to do Pearl Jam. We're going to do... Shakira, I guess. We got a lot of things on the books, actually, which is surprising. We need to probably find a babysitter. That reminds me. So why don't we do this?

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I Would Rather Not!

142.526

Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Greene. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. TCB, raw dog in it. All right. All right.

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I Would Rather Not!

1427.54

Let's take a break. I'll find a babysitter for all my activities this spring and summer. And then when we get back, a good game of Would You Rather, Chrissy. Oh, okay. TCB style. We'll be back.

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I Would Rather Not!

1504.315

All right. Let's play a little game. I asked our good friend GPT. Chat? Chat. Chatty. Chatty PT. Yeah. APT, APT. Have you heard that song? So my kids were running around. One of my kids was like, and I'm like, what's what is that? And then I realized it's a Bruno Mars song where he'd say, meet me at the apartment, the APT, the apartment.

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I Would Rather Not!

1534.104

And I was like, God damn, my kids aren't even old enough to wipe their own butts, some of them. And they're already saying words that I don't understand. So I had to ask ChatGPT, what does APT mean? So anyway, so I've been playing with ChatGPT and I told ChatGPT, go out there, find all the available information about the commercial break, which is...

The Commercial Break

I Would Rather Not!

1554.7

A lot, because we're thousands of episodes into this stupid show. And I said, read all those transcripts, and then I want you to do a would-you-rather commercial break style. So revolving around TCB. Now, not all of them are super specific to TCB.

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I Would Rather Not!

1568.685

Some of them are more generalized, because I think the transcripts sometimes aren't easily readable to things like ChatGPT, because we just— Or listenable. Or listenable. Fair enough. That's true, too. Okay. But I thought we'd play a little Would You Rather TCB. What do you think?

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I Would Rather Not!

160.3

Yes, that's the new slogan. Raw Doggett with TCV. I thought about putting it on the... Oh, so I changed the description of the show. I asked ChatGPT to give a description of the commercial break, and then I put that description on the show. But I made it clear that this was how a chatbot recently described the commercial break. So there you go. We're going all in on AI.

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I Would Rather Not!

1604.684

Anybody? All right. We hit that down just a little bit. There you go. Perfect. Okay. Here you go. Rather. Ready? Rather. Rather.

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I Would Rather Not!

1618.352

Speaking of Dan Rather, Lester Holt is leaving MSNBC. I saw that. I mean, NBC. Wow. Okay. He's been doing that for 15 years. I didn't realize it had been that long. Yeah. It felt like just yesterday. But like just yesterday. Do you watch regularly? No, I don't. I don't. The only reason why I watch the last five minutes because the kids like to watch Wheel of Fortune.

The Commercial Break

I Would Rather Not!

1636.745

So we'll turn it on five minutes ahead of time. All right. Would you rather? TCB style. Here you go. Chrissy. Would you rather co-host an episode with Brian during one of his angry days?

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I Would Rather Not!

1653.48

You do have them. Well, it said during one of his tangent days, but I'm paraphrasing so that we understand.

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I Would Rather Not!

1662.402

But hold on, Chrissy. Hold on. Because you haven't heard the second part.

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I Would Rather Not!

1668.269

Or co-host with Chrissy after three vodkas.

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1676.498

I'm probably going vodkas, too. Yeah, I'm doing vodkas.

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I Would Rather Not!

1681.323

I can be kind of ornery. Would you rather, this is to the audience, but we'll answer for you. Would you rather have your most embarrassing story shared on the commercial break or accidentally send a nude email to your entire contact list? Let me think about that one, too. Well, I've already had all my embarrassing stories here on the commercial break.

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I Would Rather Not!

1720.176

Everybody you've ever worked with. All those random guys at the bar that you've never cleaned out their phone numbers. Embarrassing story on the commercial. We've already been.

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I Would Rather Not!

1730.624

Yeah, me too. I really do. We turn it down just a little bit more. Thanks, Tina. I appreciate it. For some reason, it's very loud in my ears. Would you rather. Be a guest on an episode where Brian's talking about pyramid. Oh, would you rather be a guest focusing on you as a pyramid schemer or a cringeworthy pickup artist?

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I Would Rather Not!

1755.69

Pickup artist for sure. Yeah, because we kind of like the pickup artist. Yeah, exactly. Pyramid schemers, I don't have any. I don't suffer for those. But the pickup artists, sometimes I'm like, okay, I get what you're saying.

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I Would Rather Not!

1770.277

Yes. Oh, that's true. We'd love to have a pickup artist on. I'm just too afraid to ask them because then, you know, you ask Frankie B. So many people write in and they're like, get Frankie B on, get Frankie B on. I'd love to do that, but then the game's over. Yeah. Like if he comes on, I mean, maybe it's not.

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I Would Rather Not!

1785.365

Yeah. What's that?

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I Would Rather Not!

1787.105

Yeah, he's real, and he's probably going to be nice, and we're probably going to like him, and it's going to be hard to bust on his ball, you know? Yeah. We've had people on that were like, we had questionable thoughts about.

The Commercial Break

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1801.29

At least most of us did. Some of us did. Would you rather join Brian on a misadventure in the jungle?

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I Would Rather Not!

181.605

I'm trying to get out of this seat and have AI do my... You remember how I promised that we would never be an AI show?

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I Would Rather Not!

1815.055

Yes. Or accompany Chrissy on a wild night with hazy memories.

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I Would Rather Not!

1824.882

Well, we've done both at the same time. Separately and at the same time. Would you rather be the subject of a TCB deep dive into your awkward teenage years or have them analyze all of your social media posts in the last three years?

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I Would Rather Not!

1846.363

Well, yeah, for you. But if you're like a regular listener, I'm probably saying if you've made it past 30 years old, you'd probably rather a steep dive into your teenage years. Because at least then you can say, well, with some hindsight, I'm a better person. But, you know, if you're... No.

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1863.937

Harding Kanye West's social media post that I'm not going to feel good about it. Hold on one second.

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I Would Rather Not!

1873.363

You don't have bad memories from your teenage years. I don't have... I mean, yeah, I do have bad memories from my teenage years. Would you rather be featured in a TCB segment about dating fails or a TCB... segment about bizarre restraining order.

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I Would Rather Not!

190.528

Soon to be 100% AI manufactured. And more than likely, funnier than ever. Make me a mediocre comedy podcast. One already exists. It's the commercial break. Starring Brian Greenwig and Kristen Hodley. Oddly. I'll see you oddly. Celebrating Chrissy's birthday. Congratulations to you, my friend. Chrissy's back from Mexico. We're all here. We're having a good time. It's a birthday month. I like that.

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I Would Rather Not!

1900.082

Yes. I mean, that's an easy one. Dating fails. Yeah. GPT, they took that one to the extreme. Would you rather have Brian prank call your boss live on the podcast or have Chrissy send a flirty text message to your wife? I'd say flirty text message. You just say, they have an AI text message system. She does that to everybody.

The Commercial Break

I Would Rather Not!

1930.332

Yeah, you wouldn't want me prank calling your boss because it's likely you'd end up without a job. You know, I used to do prank calls for the show. And I called such infamous people as OJ Simpson, Bill Murray, But not a lot of them made them on air because I was like, I don't know what the legality is of recording these and throwing them out there. Although lots of other shows do it.

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I Would Rather Not!

1952.094

I'm sure there's some loophole that lets me do it. Maybe someday I'll play it. I called O.J. Simpson. He answered the phone. Just letting you know that. And I think we might have played a portion of that on one of our shows. But I called O.J. He answered the phone. Sounded like he was on the golf course. And we talked for a minute. And he laughed at me and hung up.

The Commercial Break

I Would Rather Not!

1973.071

Would you rather have an awkward first date recounted on TCB or have them discuss your most recent wardrobe choices?

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I Would Rather Not!

1989.025

Wardrobe choices. Yeah, I think so, for sure. You don't want us discussing your relationships. That's for sure. No, we're bad at that. Would you rather participate in a TCB game where you have to guess the outcome of a bizarre news story or one where you have to decipher the meaning of obscure slang terms?

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I Would Rather Not!

2008.923

I think news story. I think that's an easy... I don't think either way. Fine. Okay. Yeah. Would you rather have Brian and Chrissy critique your karaoke performance or your toast at a wedding? Oh, your karaoke performance. Definitely. Because if we did your wedding, you'd be out of the family. Yeah.

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I Would Rather Not!

2026.715

Would you rather have your high school yearbook photo displayed on TCB's social media or have them share your most awkward childhood nickname? Well, I would say social media because no one actually looks at our social media. So there you go. At least people listen to the show. Would you rather have your...

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I Would Rather Not!

2045.788

Brian and Chrissy attempt to set you up on a blind date or have them plan your next birthday party.

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I Would Rather Not!

2054.9

That's a good one.

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I Would Rather Not!

2058.344

I don't know. I mean, I think if we were given a list... I'll tell you what. I think we could do just as good picking a blind date as some of those television shows. We were going to try that. We were going to try that. But again, I was worried about the legalities should something bad happen. Yeah, hooking people up with murders. Yeah, I just don't know.

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I Would Rather Not!

2078.608

Yeah, hooking them up with stalkers and murders, and then all of a sudden I'm in a courtroom, you know, something bad has happened.

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I Would Rather Not!

2085.231

Yeah. Do you remember that Jenny Jones lady? Yes. Okay. The Jenny Jones show was just as popular as... Jerry Springer at one point and almost as popular as Oprah. Jenny Jones show started taking on that kind of Jerry Springer-esque type of attitude and mood. She did. And someone murdered somebody after they were set up or confronted on a date. On the Jenny Jones show, something along those lines.

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I Would Rather Not!

2113.572

And the Jenny Jones show went away within a year. It went away.

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I Would Rather Not!

2120.293

Yeah, but Springer continued. I mean, Springer went on. Yeah, because he was lawyered up, I guess. I'm not sure. But we don't have the money to pay for lawyers around here.

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Would you rather have your most embarrassing voicemail played on the podcast or read your last series of drunk text messages? I'd say please neither.

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I think my most embarrassing voicemails are probably really embarrassing. And I know exactly who I would have sent them to. And people would be like, he's a monster. I mean, you know.

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What's that? Mads? Mads. Did I send it to Mads? If you're watching Love is Blind, then you know. I-K-N-Y-K-Y-N-Y. Would you rather have Brian and Chrissy improvise a skit about your most recent mishap or have them reenact your most awkward family gathering?

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Do a skit about your most recent mishap.

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Whatever that is. Okay. Spilling coffee in front of a bunch of strangers. Showing a photo of your dog during a PowerPoint presentation. I don't know.

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Cat.

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Yeah, I don't care. Whatever. Would you rather have your... Whatever. That's not that. Would you rather have your internet browsing history... Discussed by TCB or have them analyze your most recent dreams. Oh, analyze the dreams. Analyze the dreams. Yeah. I would not anyone, anyone looking at my history.

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No. That computer. That computer is a national treasure right there. Would you rather have your most awkward high school memory turned into a TCB bit? Or have them dramatize your last terrible job interview.

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At least for another couple days. I like that. I'll let you ride for another couple days. Okay. And then no more talk about Mexico making me jealous. Even though our tans are equal. We have equal tan.

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Yeah, I'd say school memory only because so much time has passed. And school was, like, all my school memories are awkward. You know what I'm saying? And I think most people's are. Would you rather a Brian and Chrissy provide commentary on your most recent social media photos or have them read aloud your last five text messages to your loved one? Uh...

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I'd say the social media photos because we all put up there what we want people to see. Yeah, exactly. There's not going to be anything too embarrassing. Right. However, Astrid and I, you know, Astrid and I are married. Sometimes we say things like, you know, did you call the divorce attorney or meet me in the bedroom in five minutes?

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The guest bedroom. The guest bedroom. Would you rather have your most embarrassing moment in public in a public place discussed on TCB Or have them discuss your most disgusting habit. My most public place embarrassment, I think, for sure. I don't want anyone to know about my bad habits. It's cream and cereal. But you don't want me seeing it. You don't want to see that. It's an ugly thing.

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You know, it's like when animals die in movies, they don't really show it because it's going to make everybody all upset. Yeah, you don't want to see it.

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Yeah, that's kind of like my cereal of cream. You don't want to see it. You know it's there. You know what happened. But you don't want to see it. Would you rather have Brian and Chrissy have you confront your most irrational fear or have them know your most common daydream? I think help the irrational fear. Yeah, sure. But I have a lot of irrational fears. So I don't know.

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Yes. I would love nothing more than to get a natural tan, but not in this weather. It's not happening. So I wanted to tell you a follow-up on a story that you may or may not hear in the future, in the week, or maybe you'll never hear it.

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It'd be hard to pick one, I think. Would you rather have Brian and Chrissy speculate or would you rather have Brian and Chrissy display your most unusual talent or have them know about your most guilty television pleasures? This is an interesting one, chat. I do have to say that.

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Yeah, we've already talked about our TV guilty pleasures. So I don't know necessarily that that's that big of a deal. So probably that one. Would you rather have Brian create a mock advertisement for the product you sell or have them do a parody about your favorite hobby? Probably free advertisement. That's what I'm going for. Even if it's a mock, it's a free advertisement.

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Do you know what I'm saying?

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Yeah, we did. Still are. There you go. According to who we tell. According to us. We partied a lot. Okay, and one more here. Would you rather have Brian and Chrissy read random pages of your diary... Or have them know about your most embarrassing sex story. Oh. Neither. Thank you.

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I don't know. I think reading random pages in a diary might be interesting, too. Although you're probably going to get random musings about the lady at Starbucks or something like that.

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Sex Sent Me to the ER? Yes. Sex Sent Me to the ER is one of the more fascinating television shows that's out there.

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There's all kind of crazy shit on that show. Yeah, and it's on at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. I know. Which means sometimes my children, because I watch a lot of TLC, sometimes my children are watching it, and I'm like, oh, shit, you guys shouldn't be watching this. What are you doing? Why are you watching this? All right, okay, so that's the TCB version. I've got a couple more Would You Rathers.

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Maybe we'll throw them out in the next segment. Why don't we do this? Let's take a short break, and when we get back, more fun and shenanigans with Chrissy and Brian. We'll be back.

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But I was telling a story about SNL 50 and how all the hype and excitement and all the people that were in town for SNL 50, that Superfly is a podcast that's on our network, Odyssey, with... Dana Carvey and David Spade.

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All right, and we're back. We're doing a little Would You Rather. Let's do it without the music this time because I think the music felt a little too loud in my ears for some reason. Sometimes I like the music and sometimes I'm like, eh. I think it just depends on what kind of mood I'm in. Brian on an angry day. Here I am. I can't believe it said that. It did.

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All right, so these are not specific to TCB. These are some would-you-rathers, not specific to TCB, but I thought we'd ask them anyway. Ask them anyway. Let me take a drink of water while we're at it because I feel like after two hours of talking, my mouth is dry. And I'll spill it all over myself in a minute. The older I get, the more I'm just like spilling and dribbling.

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Sometimes I'm eating and my nose starts to run like my grandpa's did. And I'm like, what? Why is my nose running?

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I do keep it freezing wherever I go. And I have absolutely no nose hair because I cannot stand it. And I know that every single... Like, ear, nose, and throat doctor will tell you that that's the worst possible thing you can do. You're inviting disease and sickness. But I just can't take it. I'm not going to be one of those guys who's got nose hair.

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Yeah, I'd let it. I'm like sticking that thing halfway up my sinus cavity. I can't stand it. If I see a hair, I'm like, ah! And why is it that when you get to a certain age, your ear and nose hair grows faster than anything else on your body? It's like, where did that come from?

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Yeah, Esther and I were talking about like we each have like one eyebrow hair that when I wake up in the morning, all of a sudden it'll just be like sticking out. It was like it wasn't there yesterday and now it's three inches long. What happened overnight? Did a little goblin come and pull it out? I mean, it's so weird. So strange how your body works. All right. Ready?

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Would you rather get caught watching porn by your grandparents or your boss? Oh, that's a good one. Boss. Yeah, boss. Listen, I'm going to have, I'll have no job after this, but one could make the argument that you would have a bunch of bosses over the course of a lifetime. And if you got a cool one, they'll understand. Totally. Even at the office, sometimes you need to get one out. Yeah.

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David Spade was telling a story. Dana Carvey didn't go to SNL 50 because he was sick. So that was a disappointment to me. One of the few people that didn't show up that I would have liked to have seen. Because apparently they were going to do Wayne's World. And Dana was sick, so they didn't do Wayne's World. Even though Mike Myers was there, they didn't do Wayne's World.

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But grandparents, it's a hard thing to put back in the bag, you know?

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Would you rather accidentally text I'm horny to your family or to your landlord?

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Oh, God, I'd rather die than do either of those things. Yeah, because your landlord, like they could kick you out and your family, they already hate you. You know what I'm saying? I'm horny. Well, I'd rather do it to my family because they think I'm a weird human being anyway. They probably just go, what is Brian doing? What is he? What joke was that? You know, they think it was jokey.

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Would you rather have to give a TED Talk about your last sexual experience or your search history projected on a billboard for three days? Oh, God. Well, I'd do the TED Talk because it would, like my last sexual experience, it would be very short. I'd just be like... I came, I saw, I came.

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And it gets easier with time.

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Though the nerves never go away. You know, when we have these comics up, one of my favorite questions to ask is, do you still get the nerves? Are you still nervous before you go out on stage? I think they call it like the longest 15 feet or something like that. Eddie Brill used to say... He termed it the longest 15 feet.

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And what he meant by that was the 15 feet between backstage and the microphone is where it all starts flooding in, right? You get nervous. You get the, you know, I've heard comics say that they have like this irrational fear that they're going to pee themselves on stage. And I heard one comic who no one you would know. It was like a comic on another comic show.

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He was ended up being a comedy writer for TV. But he had to stop doing comedy for like six years because he had an irrational fear that he was going to pee himself on the stage. So irrational that it paralyzed him from going out on stage for five years. He couldn't do stand up. So going out and talking in front of public is never easy. I don't care who you are.

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And if you don't have that fear, then you're just not human. I don't think. Um, so doing a Ted talk, one of that prestige would be really difficult. You do not want to fuck that one up. You get one shot at it usually. And people are really expecting something fantastic to come out of a Ted talk. They paid a thousand dollars to be there. They want to hear you say something brilliant.

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And that, to me, would have killed it. I think that would have killed it. So... David Spade tells a story about how Nate Bargatze says, I'm going to go do 1520 at the Cellar. Do you want to come with me? And so they hop in a car and they go. And on the way there, David Spade calls Chris Rock. Chris Rock is taking a nap and says, yeah, if you're going to the Cellar, I'll meet you there.

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My last sexual experience is not going to be that. That is not what it's going to be. And I can choose any sexual experience and it's all going to be the same. It's not going to be super impressive. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

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No, thank you. How do you lengthen your penis? Would you rather have a one-night stand with someone who won't stop crying or won't stop talking? Ooh. Gosh. Wow. Neither. Neither. Thanks.

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I think I've had both. Yeah. I think I've had both, and I don't think either were fun.

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uh crying in bed is a disconcerting thing and i've had it happen a number of times and i can understand why look at me um no one i mean you come to the realization that this might be as good as it gets this bald hairy fat man writhing around on you uh and i've had i've been in bed with people who yeah with talkers remind me to tell you what they're saying

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I had a couple of experiences with a mutual friend, and the talk was not sexual in nature. I think they were trying to –

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deflect the intimacy of the moment or the tenderness of the moment or the maybe the embarrassment of the moment I'm not really sure what it was but it was kind of like this incessant need to talk so that I don't know but I didn't want to talk like okay can we stop talking for a second so we can enjoy this And she just kept on talking. And I didn't find it to be very interesting.

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But then the crying part of it, if you've ever been in bed with someone that cries, that is a reason for concern no matter what. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. There's usually some kind of trauma behind it. Yeah, no thanks. Neither. I'll take neither. Would you rather have an orgasm every time you hear your name or never be able to orgasm while music is playing?

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I think orgasm every time I hear my name, I guess.

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We reviewed a video once about a guy who couldn't control his orgasm. On a follow-up note, I found a video where it was clear that that guy was making it all up, even to the doctors. Like, the doctors kind of caught on.

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Yeah, it did.

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Yeah, around kids, and he was, like... Yeah, it was weird. Holding his balls. It was... It seemed a little, it seemed a little acty to me. It turned out it was acty. Would you rather moan every time you stretch or gasp dramatically every time you sit down? That's funny. That is a good one.

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Yeah. It's like that guy that I saw at the gym one time.

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And every time he was punching something, he'd be like. And everybody in the gym was looking at him going, what in the world is going on with you? He was fully committed to the bit to fully committed to the bit. I think dramatically gasp every time I sit down. I think I do that now. I'm surprised I still can sit down with these aging bones.

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So they go to the Cellar and then Leslie Jones is already slated to be there. So David says to the show manager, he says, okay, you know, uh, let Leslie go up first. I'll introduce Rock and then Rock can introduce Nate or whatever, how it goes. And then the house manager and David's thinking to himself, wow, this is, these people paid 18 bucks to see this show. This is amazing.

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Would you rather have your partner's parents walk in on you? Would you rather have your in-laws walk in while you're having sex? Or have your boss walk in while you're having sex. I'd say again, this is boss. Yeah. I can get another job. I can't get more in-laws.

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Would you rather have your phone auto-correct every word into something sexual or turn every emoji into an eggplant and a water symbol?

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The eggplant and the water symbol.

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Something's wrong with my phone.

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Would you rather have to wear lingerie to work for a week or go commando for a year? Well, commando can be covered up. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it can. You can put a pair of jeans on and go commando. And I don't think I'd want to wear anything to work that reveals anything. Not for a whole week. No, no thanks.

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Would you rather accidentally scream the wrong name during sex or have your partner do it to you? Oh, that is a good one.

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No, no, no, no, no, no. I think I'd much rather do it to them. Because I'm kind of a numbskull anyway.

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Yeah, either way, no one's having an orgasm. Either way, you're done. Either way, there's going to be a long conversation. It's going to be a long night. All right, how about three more about relationships? Would you rather be able to only have sex in public places or in complete silence? Public places. Public places. Yeah, I don't like silence.

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That makes me nervous when someone doesn't say anything. Been there, done that, too. That's a nerve-wracking one. Would you rather date someone who's amazing in bed but terrible at communication or someone who's an amazing communicator but terrible in bed? Oh. Huh. I'd rather them be average at both, kind of, I think.

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Because at least I get something out of everything.

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I think eventually...

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Good communicator, bad and bad.

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Teach somebody. Yes. You can teach somebody.

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Yes. And let's be real about the nature of sexual attraction and sex in long-term relationships. It ebbs and it flows. It comes and it goes. But communication you always need. Yes. Right? So you might have periods where you're fucking, you know, six nights a week. And you might have periods where you're fucking one time a month.

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You know, that's just the way that relationships are for so many different reasons. Right. But you always need to have good communication, especially during the times when there's a lull in sex.

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So I'm going to go with that one. Would you rather have to role play as a different character every time you have sex or never be able to role play again? I'm saying never be able to role play again.

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You're going every time? Yeah. Oh, such a... I need those cameras in that house. Desperately.

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You know, they got all these great comics. Well, that wasn't, that wasn't half of it because the hour before, the hour and a half before, Steve Martin, Martin Short, And was it Jerry Seinfeld? I think Jerry Seinfeld. They had all shown up to do sets at the Cellar in one night. On one night. If you paid $18, you got to see all of those people. Oh, my God. Do 15, 20 minutes of stand up.

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Oh, Chrissy, what's going on over there? Would you rather have sex with your celebrity crush once but no one believes you or never get to do it but everyone believes you have? Oh. Oh. I want to have sex with Dua Lipa regardless of who believes me.

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Yeah, I don't give a shit if you think I have. I don't care. Whatever.

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Until this show, I've never been one to talk about my sexual exploits anyway. I don't care. Who cares? Yeah. Would you rather find out your partner is secretly running an OnlyFans or secretly has a foot fetish?

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Oh, foot fetish. Yeah, for sure.

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Would you rather your partner never shave again or never wear deodorant again?

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Oh. Neither. Yeah.

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Yeah, I guess. I can deal with your musk.

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But there is a point when it's too hairy. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't mind hair down there. God bless you. God bless America. As a matter of fact, just a personal preference. I'm not a huge fan of the totally bald thing. That, to me, feels a little weird. It always has.

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What's that?

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Bush never went anywhere.

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Yeah, bush is back. A few of us have been ringing that bell the whole time. Bring it back, 70s style. I don't care. But there is too far.

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What is running down the side of your legs?

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Would you rather date someone who's way too loud during sex? Or never makes a noise while orgasming.

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Way too loud. I agree with that one. You can put me in that category. Way too loud.

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All right.

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Yeah, thanks, Chad GPT. I like that game.

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Well, I got like 600 more of them, so there you go. Chad GPT, overachiever. That made me a bunch of them.

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It just kept on going even when I turned it off. It was like, I woke up this morning and it was like 700 of them. Yeah. Nice. Cool. I like when ChadGBT does, you know, they can make us more games. We'll figure it out. Yeah.

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Yeah. And I'm going to be honest about it. I'm not going to be like all the other creators and not tell you that that's what I did to make that game up. Okay? There you go. So. Would you rather Brian not tell you that Would You Rather was made by Chad GPT or pretend it wasn't? Which one? You tell me.

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Send in your favorite Would You Rather. We'd love to hear it. We'll play a game and we'll use only your Would You Rathers. Oh, that's a good one. So send in some Would You Rathers to us and in a couple weeks we'll play it again. Listener style. Only listeners. You make it about TCB, make it about not TCB. I don't care. Whatever it is.

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Oh, we will. Because some of the people that text in are really interesting. I love them all, but some of them are more interesting than others. Let's put it that way. All right. So in order to do that, you got to know how to get a hold of us. And here's the best way. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. We take them all right there.

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And also, we'll listen to a voicemail or two. If you want to be the next voice on the commercial break, you could be the open of the show. Leave us a short voicemail at that number, 212-433-3822. If you don't want your name said, take it out. Don't say it. And, yeah, we've had people doing that lately, and I really like it. So there's been a few.

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Also, some people have commented that the bits are back. The bits are back. The bits are back. So I've been making bits at the beginning of the show while you were gone. So if I have time, I will do them. Just sharing that with you. Don't expect that every time. It's hard. That's hard.

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Yeah, that's hard. Add The Commercial Break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break. Also, all the audio and all the video and your free TCB sticker at TCBpodcast.com. We'd love to hear from you. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

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But I'll tell you that I love you. And I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, would you rather us say goodbye?

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That is that is the super group.

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Okay, so that leads me into an episode full of game playing. Here we go. Are you ready? I'm ready. Don't play the music yet, Tina. I'm going to just do a little game with you. I want to know. You have five people to induct into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Are you ready? Okay. Okay, I'm going to give you the list, and I want you to pick those five people. Okay. Okay, here we go.

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They're not already in there. It's this year's nominated group. Now everyone's got to vote on them. They'll announce it later on this month, I think March 5th or something like that, later on next month. March 5th. Okay? Pick your five.

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It looks like there's 15 to work with.

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Okay? Bad Company. The Black Crows. Mariah Carey. Chubby Checker. Joe Cocker, Billy Idol, Cindy Lauper, Joy Division New Order, Manya, Oasis, Outkast, Phish, Soundgarden, The White Stripes.

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Some people are saying this is one of the weakest nominating classes. I would argue that this is one of the better nominated class. Now, I know every year we can have this debate.

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OK, but I really do think there's a couple in here that are just they have to be in. They have to be in. Okay, you ready? You want me to review again? Well, no, hold on.

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Without a doubt. Jack Black is, I mean, Jack Black.

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With that movie he did, Rock School of Rock or whatever. Listen, Tenacious D is another conversation altogether. I don't think they're Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. They've done a lot, but I don't know that it's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame level. But they're good in their own right, right?

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But they're a comedy band, and it's kind of like, you know, they had one or two albums that they actually put together of their own music, and they do a lot of cover tunes. Okay, so I agree with you on Chubby Checker. This certainly cannot be the first time that he has been nominated. He was back in the 50s. It's like a twist. Yeah.

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One of the original rock and roll stars, like rock and roll, Chubby Checker. You think of those two go hand in hand way back in the day when they were just talking about this newfangled thing called rock and roll, making the kids shake their hips and literally jizz on each other. That's what they were afraid of. Girls were going to get pregnant because they were shaking their hips.

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Yeah, rock and roll made them shake their hips. So Chubby Checker, I agree with you.

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OutKast changed the landscape of music in their own way. I think they are groundbreaking, revolutionary, no doubt about it, and certainly puts Atlanta on the map. And I do think that OutKast deserves their place in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Now, they're one of the younger groups that are there inside of the nominating class. So... I don't know, because you also have Joe Cocker.

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Who Joe Cocker has got an iconic voice. He really does.

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What's that? Isn't that funny? I know, he didn't write any of his own music.

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Got that voice. Well, with that kind of voice, you just sit around smoking a lot of cigarettes, drinking a lot of whiskey.

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That song alone, right? But then he played Woodstock. Yeah, he's done a lot. Okay, but I agree with you. He didn't write all of his own songs. I still think he deserves his place as one of the more iconic voices in rock and roll. Joe Cocker deserves to be in there. Billy Idol, I could skip for now. I'm not like, okay, yeah. Yeah, I like him. I don't know. Billy Idol's a little...

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I Would Rather Not!

626.052

He's like campy punk. You know what I'm saying? And I'm not sure that I'm... He's like a slicky, glossy, kind of manufactured... I'm not saying that Billy Idol didn't have some good songs.

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I Would Rather Not!

635.94

Yeah. And I think he's a nice... He seems like a cool guy. But I'm not sure that... I'm not sure I would pick him in this round.

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I Would Rather Not!

642.024

Right? Oasis?

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I Would Rather Not!

644.927

Oasis? I mean... I might have a case for it. I think you do have to say Oasis deserves their place in rock and roll history. So I'm going Chubby Checker. Black Crows, Joe Cocker, Outkast, The White Stripes. But that leaves out Phish.

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I Would Rather Not!

663.717

And that leaves out Oasis.

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I Would Rather Not!

665.359

And how do you do that? Bad Company I could give a shit about. I mean, I just don't care about Bad Company. I'm sorry. I just don't like their music, but I know that a lot of people, you know. You're a certain kind of person if you like Bad Company, and I don't hate you. I don't hate you for that, but I just think of, like, you know. You have a Harley Davidson that you ride once every three years.

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I Would Rather Not!

686.717

You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know. That's just, you know.

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I Would Rather Not!

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They had their moment, I guess. I wasn't alive for it, so I don't know. It's not my thing. And I know I'm going to get a lot of people that say, you know, bad company's my favorite. Okay, bad company's your favorite. Okay, don't be mad at me. Go somewhere else. Stop it. Stop yelling at me. Cindy Lauper. Cindy Lauper.

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I Would Rather Not!

713.14

She did a lot for the MTV generation. She was one of the original video stars. Her voice, anything she touches turns to gold with that voice of hers.

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I Would Rather Not!

723.543

Yeah, it's so original. Listen, I say all of them, except for Joy Division New Order.

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I Would Rather Not!

732.225

But if you have to take one out, I would say Joy Division New Order might have to wait until another nominating class. Manya, I'm sorry, don't know who they are, but... Okay, sure. I'm going to say Manya because I don't want to be insensitive. Manya! DEI stands strong here in the commercial break. Manya, they're in. Yeah, this is a tough one. Mariah Carey, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Mariah Carey.

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I Would Rather Not!

758.758

You know?

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I Would Rather Not!

762.084

No doubt.

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I Would Rather Not!

763.824

She should be in the Beautiful Voice Hall of Fame.

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I Would Rather Not!

766.065

Yes.

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I Would Rather Not!

768.746

They do need categories. And I understand that over the last three decades, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has really come to include all musicians in general. If you are a pop sensation in any way, shape, or form, if you have any clout as far as music is concerned, you could get a nomination for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

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I Would Rather Not!

786.594

And I ain't mad at that because without that, then we don't have OutKast. You know, some people might say OutKast is not rock and roll. Well, it's not, but they have a rock and roll vibe. They certainly are a lot more edgy than most, right? So I would include OutKast in that. Soundgarden is also in there too. But Soundgarden is young. They're new to the nominations.

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I Would Rather Not!

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So I think this is like their second or maybe their third nomination.

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I Would Rather Not!

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They can live a few more nominations. They'll get in there. Don't worry, kids. Don't be mad at me. They'll be in there. Just give it a couple more years.

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I Would Rather Not!

824.325

They've been transformative to music in general. Let me explain why. Grateful Dead did this to great effect. Grateful Dead is, in my opinion, is the most Americana band that has ever been. Not because they're my favorite band, although I do like the Grateful Dead. But because they did it all without big corporate dollars behind them.

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I Would Rather Not!

844.84

They were one of the biggest bands in the world and still to this day are one of the biggest bands in the world. Yes. And you may have never even heard a Grateful Dead song because there's only one that I can think of. Maybe two. Casey Jones and... What's the other one? Touch of Gray. We'll get by. Touch of Gray. Yeah, Touch of Gray and Casey Jones.

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I Would Rather Not!

867.203

Maybe those two you have heard because they were... Because they had some commercials. Yeah, they had radio hits, right? They were radio hits in general and an MTV hit with Touch of Gray. But... The rest of their music, largely their catalog, is shite. It's the live music that everybody wanted to see. They wanted to go experience. That's right.

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I Would Rather Not!

888.807

They built a traveling cult of human beings who did drugs, got naked, and found a way to survive for summers at a time, springs at a time, winters at a time. just on the kindness of strangers, and then they saw some good music at the time. If you listen to the Grateful Dead early on, it's really quite crap, actually, in my opinion, musically. They're figuring it out.

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I Would Rather Not!

909.46

But that's part of the beauty of the Grateful Dead, is they figured it out in front of audiences. Uh-huh. Show after show, time after time, night after night, 300 nights a year. They never went home. They never slept. They just got high and made music until they figured out how it sounded good. And that sometimes would take 400, 500 shows to make a single song sound okay.

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I Would Rather Not!

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They did that to great effect with great commercial success. Excuse me, with great success without the commercialization. Now there's Grateful Dead on everything. There's a fucking, you know.

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I Would Rather Not!

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Everywhere.

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I Would Rather Not!

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But that's not always necessarily the Grateful Dead's machine doing that. That's people who enjoy the Grateful Dead. Fish picked up directly where they left off. And, you know, Fish has had a little bit more commercial success, but not much. But they are still around 35 years later.

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I Would Rather Not!

962.26

Yes. They've been through their ups and their downs. Trey had to take four years off because he was addicted to heroin. Listen, they have done amazing things. And there is not a fish show that does not sell out. There is not a fish show that does not sell out. And they have done it so well.

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I Would Rather Not!

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And in the lineage of the Grateful Dead, that when the Grateful Dead decided after Jerry died that they would get together for a couple more shows, you know who they picked? They picked Trey from Fish to stand up and be Jerry or in place of Jerry and stand in his stead. And those were hugely commercially successful shows. So you may have never heard of Fish Show except for Sample in a Jar.

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12 Days Of TCB: A Gift For You...

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Ho, ho, ho. Ah, yeah, dancers and prancers, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene, this is the Yule Log to my dreidel. Chris and Joy Hoadley, best to you, Chrissy. Best to you, Brian.

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It has been a lot of fun.

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Yeah, I think for time immemorial, or at least as long as I've been alive, late night TV is a place where you go where you have an opportunity to see that there are other people that are laughing through the pain. And there's kind of a voice, this being Jimmy, maybe Letterman or Carson, however far you want to go back, where you would tune in and there was... I don't know. I don't know.

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This might be a weird thing to say, but this is how I feel like it was almost a grounding event. OK, we're laughing at it. It's real. It's sad. It's tough. It's scary, whatever it is. But we're here. We're laughing at it. And there's someone on the other side of that screen that understands it's big. It's scary. It's interesting, whatever. But they're giving me some catharsis.

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through this really tough day or this tough news cycle or whatever it happens to be, you know, maybe not so much now because of the advent of the Internet and short form content and dumb podcasts like ours. But, you know, I still see those late night talk show hosts as kind of a beacon of.

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Like like an outlet, an outlet where we can look on the other side of the screen and say things are going to be OK. There is someone who's got a level head, but also finds a way to laugh. And I think that's an important role that you play. You as it's an important role that you're giving voice to that.

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And when asked if he could do our show, I said, sure, why not? Yeah. co-executive producer of Jimmy Kimmel. I'm not going to shy away from saying it. I said, yeah, okay, sure. And then I started to read his book. They gave us a copy, an advanced copy. It's on sale today, but I got an advanced copy.

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You know, true story or not, you used to have the profession of watching TV on behalf of Jimmy. Yeah, we saw that. We were watching another interview that you did, and we saw that you were like a TV watcher trying to find clips. Now, I only know this position actually exists because I was a listener of the Howard Stern show. Yeah.

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And I know that J.D., one of the people that works on that show, that's what he does. He sits around watching endless hours of TV trying to find clips that Howard can play. I guess you started as the J.D. of the Jimmy Kimmel Show.

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And as a father, as a parent, this book will leave you probably stitches, probably crying, and with a little bit of good advice along the way. Because kids are a pain in the ass. And anyone that has them knows it's a pain in the ass. And he gives us a few, he gives his

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You just sat there with your eyes open, consuming every piece of media that came across your TV. And like, not like good media. This isn't like, you know, 60 Minutes and, you know, Nova. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Watching Tila Tequila and Jerry Springer for endless hours. But I can see how that would lead into you understanding how to edit, how to get a comedic voice.

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You would say, you know, okay, you're looking for things and you're finding kind of your own rhythm, right? style and at the same time working with the people who are giving voice to Jimmy. And so I can see how if you're smart and sharp and have that keen sense, then you kind of work your way up.

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And I think it's great that you started there and then you work your way up into co-executive producer. That's got to be a dream come true, I would imagine.

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tips and tricks on how to like you know declutter the mind the soul and maybe your house and make life a little bit easier some cheat codes if you will as a father himself it's a really well written book and I'm glad that we're bringing him in today so that we have an opportunity to chat with him about all those things about Jimmy Kimmel and about the book and and life love and the pursuit of happiness if you don't mind Chrissy that's what this show is all about life love and pursuit of happiness speaking of children they are dreams

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Do mom and dad, do you call mom and dad and say, hey, mom and dad, I got a job as a TV watcher? They go, oh, I'm sure as shit glad we paid for all that college, kid. Yeah. What do your parents think about, you know, just kind of, did you have more of a straight-laced childhood or were your parents a little like, eh, I don't know about all this, kid?

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What it must be like to have parents that are proud of you.

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My dad's still wondering when it's all going to work out for me. But, you know, that's my crossword. How did you decide that you're – first of all, tell me about how many kids you have.

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Oh, so you're right in the thick of it, just like I am. Your kid's a little bit older than my children, most of them. So you have a 7- and 11-year-old. When did you decide... Obviously, you have a great comedic voice, and this is probably, I would imagine, since you're writing every single day, this is kind of an easy transition for you, right?

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Let me put some of these thoughts down, collect them, organize them, and write a book. But I think you... struck a balance between good advice and funny shit. Like, how did you decide you're going to write a book, and how did that come together?

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Join the club.

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And then I'm going to create an additional problem that my next book will solve. Yeah.

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Pursue your dreams. Live, laugh, love. My breasts. The Instagram. The Instagram never fails to surprise me. And having children, I am so terrified. I'm glad. Here's the thing. There's a lot of pushback right now. And I'm digging this. on children and cell phones, adults and cell phones, social media in general. I'm not saying throw the baby out with the bathwater.

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I think that's a good way to put it. I think that, you know, the excerpts that I had a chance to read, I feel like you truly understand what it's like to spend a day with my wife or I, specifically me.

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1786.948

You talk about bath time and you say, I don't understand why we have to give kids baths every single day, even though it's obligatory and you have to do it because they are disgusting little creatures. creatures that mess up your house. You're right. It's 90 minutes later. We've done nothing but fight, argue, fuss. Everyone's wet. Soap's everywhere.

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Tile has got gangrene or something growing on the corner because they splash everywhere. And it really is just like this super frustrating part of the day. And you go, maybe they weren't all that dirty. Maybe I really didn't need to give them a bath every day. Or you say like... Something about the purgatory for toys, which we do here.

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Like literally we say, okay, kids, it's whatever second quarter. You got to pick 10 things that you want to give away to children that are less fortunate. You put them in this box, you say goodbye. And in a couple of days they're going. So you say things that actually they're, It's good advice. It's good advice that I found I either will take or have taken before.

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And there is so much chaos in raising children that as they're running up and down the hall here in the house, you can hear them screaming. Actually, they just got home from school. But there's so much chaos in raising children that if you're like me, I like things a little bit organized. There comes a point when you have to just throw your hands up in the air and say, fuck it.

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It's not going to happen anymore. At least not in this stage of my life. I have to embrace the chaos and understand that life is truly messy. And with children, it's extra messy. Is that a hard thing for you to do like it is for me?

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Yeah. Yeah. I agree 100%. I think that there is like this, and especially in 2025, over the last 10 or 15 years, when we were kids, and I don't know how young you are, but I would imagine you were in the similar age range. When we were kids... There was a much less complicated parenting philosophy. And that was keep them fed, keep them clean, and keep them safe.

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And the rest will take care of itself. And every... 10 years, we've gotten more involved and there's more obligations and it's more hovering and it's more babying and it's more, you know, but they grow up faster anyway now.

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I do think social media is entertaining. I spend a lot of time on it, mainly for the show, but I spend a lot of time on it. And I think it's entertaining. But I also think that at least most of the time I have my head on my shoulders and I know that it's just entertainment, that I'm just... And if you would see my algorithm, you would know I'm not getting caught up in, you know,

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And so there, I think we could all use a little bit of this kind of advice that you got to own, you got to bring, like you got to be a whole person yourself before you can parent another human being, number one. But number two is,

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is you don't have to live up to every expectation that's put out there on the internet or in the books or in whatever it is, wherever it is you choose to find out about parenting, because you really overcomplicate a situation that was going to be complicated from the beginning, no matter how you chose to parent them. And that they need to, they're their own human being.

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They need to be given the space to grow in that way. And you humorously, I think, kind of pull back that,

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I agree with you. I saw a reel the other day, and I don't know which book she was referring to, but there was a woman, and I'm not bashing this. I'm just sharing. This wouldn't be my personal choice, but along these same lines. She said, I read this book, and they said we should give our children one age-appropriate task to do all on their own. every single week.

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Who's got the nice car and who's got the nice house and who's on the next vacation? I'm really looking at like the dregs of the earth. I mean, people who are not well.

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And as they grow older, they get more age-appropriate tasks. So she was having her four-year-old girl go into a gas station to buy like some potato chips by herself. And I'm thinking to myself, that girl's four years old. She's not gonna know. She don't even know where the potato chips is. But I agreed with the premise.

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The premise was, you know, have them do something where they take ownership over their own lives and their own actions and they understand how to get things done. We've all seen this father in Japan who puts ropes and rocks and dirt in front of his child on the way to school every day and he doesn't help him.

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He says, you have to figure out how to get over the ropes, how to get around the rocks, how to get through the mud. And every day, and he's teaching his kid resilience, how to use his brain and how to be himself and independent. And that's how I was raised. I don't remember my dad playing with me. And my dad was also a good dad in his own tough love kind of way.

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I appreciate him now, maybe not then. But I learned a lot on my own because my father let me fail. And he wasn't there to save me every time. He told me he wasn't going to be there to save me. And now I appreciate that so much, but that feels scary to me as a parent. It feels scary to let my kid fail because I don't want them to hurt and I don't want them to be hurt and all that other stuff.

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On the Internet. So when I watch this, I'm like, this is entertainment. This is just entertainment. And everyone thinks they are an entertainer. And there are some people that are just having like a constant conversation going on with that Instagram. And it's surprising to me. They need a friend desperately.

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But, you know, it's an interesting reminder, and your book shares this, is that... We did okay. We survived. And we became human beings that, you know, live and breathe on this earth. That read self-help books. Yeah, that read self-help books and have lots of therapy and suffer from all kinds of PTSD. And they should go through the same shit we went through. Pain begets pain, kid.

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Hurt people hurt people. I'm sorry. You're too. You're going to go to the motel and check in and stay the night by yourself. That's your task for today.

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Exactly. Okay. So in your book, I think one of the funniest parts of the book is you're talking about these lies, lies that won't harm your children irreparably, but you can talk... You can tell them to save you time and effort and energy. And one of my favorites, and man, I wish I could install this rule in our house right away or say this lie immediately, but they already know how the car works.

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But I'm raising these children and it scares the shit out of me because I know that there's the next thing is coming. What is the next thing? Probably some AI combination of reality and unreality and all that. And they're like, some of them were on Easter vacation last week and into this week. And why we have so many vacations, I don't know. Can't we just do it like we used to do it?

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I wish I could tell them that the car no longer plays music because if I hear... Frozen or Apatow one more time, I think I'm going to jump out of a window. It's crazy. They're like, they always want to listen to it on repeat too. It's driving me up the fucking wall.

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Yeah, a little white lie.

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Yeah. I had a friend who took it like to the nth degree, and they wouldn't tell their kids about Santa Claus Easter Bunny Tooth Fairy because they believed that that would cause damage. Yeah, figure it out and everything will be okay.

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Why don't you go hide in a closet? We'll see if he comes in the next hour or so. Daddy needs a shot of whiskey. I'll be right back.

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Okay. So mine is one of my kids is around your son's age. Seven, right? Yep. Is around seven years old. And he is also starting to say things like... Is the Tooth Fairy real? And I said, do you believe the Tooth Fairy is real? That's my response, right? I throw it back on him. And he says, I think so. And I go, well, if you believe, then it's real. Because I haven't seen him either.

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Where it's one long vacation every couple of months instead of these like four or five day vacations every month? It's driving me crazy. Anyway, they're on vacation. And all they want, because I have to work and Astrid has to work, all they want is to be on that iPad, to be watching the television, to be blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It is a fight to the death.

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I haven't seen her either or whatever. And so that's kind of my default response. I feel like he's already starting to unravel the mystery a little bit. Why do some presents come from Santa, but some come from mom and dad?

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Yeah, the why, why, why, why.

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When was her like the uncover age?

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Perfect gift.

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Have you guys started the cell phone conversation yet? Yeah. Oh, yes. Yes.

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Yeah, exactly. Right. Yeah. Yeah. No, we're... So is my three-year-old, by the way. It's like, this is ridiculous. They started asking the other day at dinner, what age can we get a phone? And I said, that will be a decision that me and your mother will make when we get tired of giving you our own cell phone.

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to keep them off those screens but then i think for just like one half a second with my actual brain and i go that's what they see you doing brian true how can you tell them that you can't be on the telephone or you can't be on the cell phone you can't be on the tv you can't be on the screen if all i'm doing for a living is being on the screen do you know what i'm saying i do

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Yeah, I don't disagree with you. We have two iPads and we started... We gave one to my firstborn when he was like three, but only for like, you know, 15 minutes if we were, you know, on a flight, on a long drive or whatever. And we just put whatever, you know, baby first or whatever it was that they were watching just to kind of keep them occupied and quiet and whatever.

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But we learned very quickly that that has a snowball effect. So now... They're not even in sight on weekdays when there's school involved. And on the weekends, we only allow them... They can play Spotify. They can listen to music, their own playlists or whatever. Or we have certain... They can go on Netflix and watch whatever, the rated G things, whatever it is. But what we have noticed is...

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Since we took the iPads away for 99% of the time, they don't ask for it anymore, which is kind of strange. Only on occasion will they ask to play Spotify, and most of the times we can play it on the Sonos or whatever we have. But they don't really ask for it.

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But when they had access to it for like the six months that we would say, okay, you can watch it for 15 minutes or whatever, the more that they had it, the more that they asked for it. And it became so blatantly clear to me that this is addictive. And the more that they have it, the more that they want it, something is feeding that dopamine channel. And so we snapped back real quick.

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And it was a lesson that we learned. And for like a week, there was a lot of complaining about it. And then just eventually they forgot it. They went and played with their toys or listened to the music or whatever. So that's the most dangerous thing. And I think we're all about to learn a lesson about screens, that those screens are no good for us. I think a lot of people have learned this lesson.

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I think more waking up to it. Those screens are tethers that just suck us all in and make us less aware of the world around us, less attached, less connected, and feel more lonely. And I just don't want my children to go through that.

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So I bought them all cell phones and gave them the passcodes to my chatterbait. And there you go. It's all. Just go ahead and give it all at once. I'm just going to fuck them. They're going to go to therapy for something. It might as well be for cell phone usage. I saw a video the other day. I'm going to ask Danny about this because he's got some good opinions on this.

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Yeah. I think I kicked myself in the ass about two years ago during when we're all just kind of two or three years ago, we were all locked down. And I went to the bathroom one night to pee like at three o'clock in the morning. And I realized that I took my phone with me. Like I woke up to this fact. I was like, wait, I just took my phone with me so I could check Instagram.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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It's three in the fucking morning. I have 12 followers. What in the world could I be checking on it? Like, what in the world is that important? Nothing's happening. It doesn't matter. We just got... I got so stuck in that kind of that feedback loop, especially when during, you know, the pandemic when we were all just kind of here watching, waiting for the next shoe to drop and all that.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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It's amazing. I... think that more of us could use kind of this pragmatic approach to parenting. You know, lay off the kids a little bit. Let them run into some sharp objects on occasion. Let them, you know, fall on some scissors or whatever. Because at the end of the day, what doesn't kill them will make them stronger. We know this from our own adult lives.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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It's the things that we go through make us more resilient, not less. And I also think that there's, we can get caught up with what about the Joneses, right? We get up with, we get caught up in that. And it becomes a game you just can't win. You can never win it because if you're not keeping up with the Joneses, you become the Joneses and everyone's trying to keep up with you.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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And either way, it's a terrible cycle. I think you give some great advice in this book. It's really fucking funny.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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It's called Wow, You Look Terrible. It's available today. I will put links in the show notes. Danny Ricker, you can follow him on social media. Of course, watch Jimmy Kimmel, the best of the late night talk show. Late night talk show survives with Jimmy Kimmel in the great tradition of Letterman and Carson and all the others. That's kind of you. Thank you. No, I think that it's a true statement.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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If we're watching a late night talk show around here, if I'm watching it, it's Kimmel and I've got my wife addicted to Kimmel. So he's great. And now we know one of the voice, one of the people that gives voice to Kimmel. And so you're welcome back anytime. I would love to come back. Yeah. Thank you. I really appreciate you guys having me on and you guys do a great show. Thanks for having me.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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If Pete Davidson or Ariana Grande ever, you know, can't make the Jimmy's just call us up and we'll be happy to pipe ourselves in. Done. We've got a lot to talk about, and I promise I'll tone down the cussing if I'm on national TV.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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Do you guys have – are you safe harbor at 1130?

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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I saw this cell phone video the other day. And I don't know if this is real, staged, fake. I'm not really sure. But it's been going around the Internet for a while, for a couple months. A kid from the other side of the world, it looks like, because there's a different language being spoken and you can just see a different part of the world. And he's got a cell phone in his hand.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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It's funny to watch the transition from Jimmy from kind of like, you know, second fiddle radio guy to man show to, you know, really kind of esteemed late night talk show host. He did it. He did it. And now I don't know. I respect him as a comedian and as a talk show host. I think he's one of the best. One of the better ones. So congratulations on all the success with Jimmy Kimmel.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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May you guys do it for another 15 years. And please come back. You're welcome anytime. Danny Ricker, everybody. I'll put all the links in the show notes. Thank you, Danny. Thanks, guys. Thank you.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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Danny Ricker, nine-time Emmy nominee. I don't know if you ever – did he win one? I don't know. We didn't ask him. But nine-time Emmy nominee, head writer, co-executive producer of The Jimmy Kimmel Show, and his brand-new book, Wow, You Look Terrible, now available at the links in the show notes. We'll remind you throughout the week, but it's available. It's out today.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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So if you're a parent or if you're interested in parenting, if you're not a parent and you're thinking about being a parent, read this book. Because I think it'll probably dissuade you from being a parent.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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Yeah, it reinforced your life choices? Yes. Yeah, okay. All right. Don't rub it in our faces, Chrissy. Don't rub it in our faces. Anyway, Dani was lovely to talk to. I'm fascinated by how the machinery works over there at the Jimmy Kimmel Show.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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I think what's interesting is to hear him talk about the Jimmy Kimmel show. It's not all that much different from the commercial break. You put some stuff on a spreadsheet, put some ideas on the spreadsheet, and then they get worked out very quickly. Only we put some stuff on the spreadsheet and then we never end up getting to it. That's how it works here at the commercial break. We're trying.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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We're getting better.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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We're getting better. DannyRicker.com. All the links down in the show notes. Thank you very much, Danny.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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Maybe he's like a year and a half old and they take the cell phone away from him. And he throws a holy shit fit that goes on like it's a time lapse video. It goes on for like an hour and a half. And I mean, it's as if you have taken his heroin away from him. It is insane. And it scares the shit out of me. So I say just let him have it all the time. Just let him have it all the time.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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for coming in i imagine he'll be back i imagine we'll talk to danny again i would love to yeah absolutely um and i've seen him on like a lot of other podcasts and shows he's you know he's doing the pr thing so maybe we'll have him back in a couple months and uh see how the book went if it goes well i'm sure he'll write another one and he told us that jimmy helped him with the book jimmy said hey go take these ideas and put them together and we'll figure it all out together

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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Forward written by Jimmy Kimmel. That's got to be a feather in your cap. When the forward to your first book is written by Jimmy Kimmel.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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12 hours of TCB coming May 31st. That's a Saturday, so you have a chance of keeping up with it. 12 hours of TCB. Celebrities are coming by. They're going to talk about mental health. We're going to talk about mental health awareness. We're going to check on our own mental health by the end of the day. It's all going to be for a good cause and celebrating five years of the commercial break.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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Five years of the commercial break. Unbelievable. 750 episodes, five years. It's crazy. And we're going to what? Add another 30 episodes that one day. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. We're going to go straight to 800 by the end of the day. Also, don't forget America's. Oh, what? No, nevermind. Nevermind. I can't say that yet. I'll let that out of the bag later on this week. Big news coming later on this week.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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Stay tuned. I also wanted to tell you that 212-433-3TCB, that's 212-433-3822. We take questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, all right there. One location at that phone number. You can also leave us a voicemail if you want to be heard on the commercial break. TCBpodcast.com. All the audio, all the video, and your free TCB swag. Go to the Contact Us button. Give us your address.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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And the team behind us will send you something very shortly. The Danny Ricker of the commercial break will send you some swag very quickly. Add The Commercial Break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break for all the episodes on video the same day they air here on the audio.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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And while we're speaking about the video, thank you to our video production team, Weeplash. If you need video production services, reach out and we'll send you their information or look them up. Weeplash. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today. I think so. I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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Just give him the cell phone and let him suck on the teat of social media. Why not? Why not set their expectations super high right now so they could never meet them and be miserable for the rest of their lives? You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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I probably need to be a little bit more like you and just ignore social media altogether. Don't worry about it. But I can't. I don't know. We got to talk about something. And so social media is it. Plus, I do those damn clips at the beginning of the show and I find all those clips from the Internet.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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If you want to know just how fucked up my algorithm is, just check out the, you know, WSHIT clips at the beginning of every episode and you'll know just how fucked up my Internet is. Anyway, Danny Ricker, co-executive of Jimmy Kimmel's very popular late night television show, one of the few remaining, one of the better ones, if you ask me, probably the best one, if you ask me.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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He's written a book. It's called Wow, You Look Terrible. It is available now in many different places. I'll put a link to a few of those in the show notes. Danny is a noted comedian and writer. And I can't wait to talk to him about this new book. And maybe we'll get a few. Maybe we'll dig in a few questions about the Jimmy Kimmel show and how they get that all done.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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every night of the week, 300 nights a year. They're like us. They're constantly on that wheel.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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Yeah, only there's no Danny Ricker here. Like, I don't have a Danny Ricker to help me out. Maybe I'll ask him if he needs a second job. I'm sure he doesn't. You think he gets paid well? I would say so. I hope so. I hope so, too. Maybe we'll ask him how much he gets paid. Is that rude? Is it rude to go, how much do you make? I think so.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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Or is it rude to say, do you need someone, do you need another co-executive producer of The Jimmy Kimmel Show? Anyway, why don't we do this? Let's take a break. And then through the magic of telepodcasting, we're going to have Danny Ricker right here on this screen talking to us. Little old us, Chrissy. Little old us. What do you think?

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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I always feel special. I am special in many ways. Yes. Big and small. All right. What do you think? Should we take a break? I think we should do it. I'm just looking for your approval. Yes, yes. I'd stamp it. All right. Danny, when we come back.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything. You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Serea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. Danny's here with us now. Danny, thank you so much for joining us today. We really appreciate it.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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Well, it's an honor to have you. You're a co-executive producer of my favorite late-night television show. I think the one that is doing the best at carrying on that late-night tradition, which is Jimmy Kimmel, of course. And I've been a big fan of Jimmy's for a long time. I like Colbert, too. But I think Kimmel is my favorite because I think I resonate most with his comedy style and his voice.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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And you are one of the voices of that comedy styling. So... Question. It's got to be an absolute, like, chaotic, hot mess to put a show on every single night of the week, starting from scratch.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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Do you have like a, um, like, so here, you know, largely blossoms from our brains. We write notes down. We also do four, four days a week. So, but we don't have production elements. We don't have 25 cameras. We don't have props.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us on a TCB Infomercial Tuesday with Jimmy Kimmel, executive producer, Oscar writer, and now writer of books, a book writer.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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So, whatever we can use our voices for is about as much as we're going to get out of the show. Do you have ideas that carry over from day to day, like evergreen ideas? You put it on a list and you say, okay, Jimmy didn't pick that one. I'm assuming Jimmy has the last one.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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And so you have ideas like evergreen ideas that you can like carry over from one day to the next. Like he didn't pick it yesterday, but I'll throw it in there next week and we'll see if it works on this day or.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

815.948

Very interesting. I bet that that kind of chaos becomes a little bit addictive after a while. I'm sure it's not great for your health, but I'm sure it becomes. I'm sure this is not good for my health either, but there's something about it that like I'm much like you, I'm sure. And like Jimmy, like. It's, you know, midnight. I'm just about to fall asleep. Something comes to my brain.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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I'm writing it down. I'm fleshing it out. I'm, you know, researching it or whatever. I have a question, and then I'd like to, you know, obviously discuss you and the book. Yeah, yeah. Which, by the way, I thought was very funny and useful. Like, it's hard to put those two things together when you're talking about children, but...

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

855.004

When you have such an interest, when you're living in such an interesting time and you've got Jimmy and the show, which are so mainstream and visible, how do you collectively as a writing team and a production team make the decision about how far you're going to dig your heels in or poke at the bear, so to speak? And, you know, without getting into kind of the politics of it. Mm-hmm.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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Obviously, you've got an administration now who's not afraid to wield a sword, right, and do a lot of talking. And that talking sometimes now, it seems like, can come with action that's biting. How do you make a decision about how far you're going to take it? Because I believe Jimmy is one of those voices who's really not shied away from taking a swing at the king, so to speak.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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What do they call those? Authors. Authors, Chrissy. There you go. Wow, you look terrible, Danny Ricker. Danny will be joining us in just a few minutes here, but he's got the bona fides. He's an executive producer, co-executive producer at Jimmy Kimmel.

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TCB Infomercial: Danny Ricker

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So we try. How I long for those times. I know. Bring me back. I know.

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TCB Infomercial: Russell Howard

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It's apocalyptic.

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TCB Infomercial: Russell Howard

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the Winehouse to My Leap of Kristen Joy. Totally best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us today on a DCB Infomercial Tuesday with Mr. Russell Howard, UK sensation.

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TCB Infomercial: Russell Howard

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You're very polite about being assholes. Just want you to know.

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TCB Infomercial: Russell Howard

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Oh, yeah, yeah.

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TCB Infomercial: Russell Howard

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Yeah, it boggles.

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Live Venue Accessibility!

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Oh, and he takes off his shirt.

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Live Venue Accessibility!

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Ja, es war wie ein Feierabend.

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Live Venue Accessibility!

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We should get this. Yeah, we're going. What's up? Oh, you mean you wake up and do jiu-jitsu. Oh, yeah.

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Live Venue Accessibility!

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So that helps? It's almost like your coffee in the morning sometimes? Like rolling jiu-jitsu kind of? Yeah, and right now I'm doing more striking.

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Live Venue Accessibility!

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Rennen, als Jiu-Jitsu, ist für Rennen, Rennen ist nicht... Ja, das ist nicht das Gleiche.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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Ah, wundervoll. Du hast eine sehr unique Stimme. Und jetzt, dass du das erwähnt hast, ist das ein interessanter Ansatz. Es gibt zwei Arten von Menschen. Nun, es gibt Celebriten, die ihre normale Stimme benutzen und wir kennen sie, weil wir alle ihrer Arbeit kennen. Es gibt den dritten Art, der die Impressarios macht, die all die verschiedenen Akzente und Töne und all diese Sachen machen.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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Sie haben kartönische Stimmen. Und dann gibt es Ron, der hat eine sehr unique Stimme. Und du hast es erwähnt, als du ein Kind warst, hattest du wahrscheinlich, ich würde mir vorstellen, ich möchte keine Gefühle in deinem Herzen oder Wörter in deinem Mund stellen, aber ich wette, dass das manchmal nicht so war. Warum bin ich so geboren?

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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Ja, ich habe Kinder, einige von ihnen, und sie sind überall auf ihrem Map mit ihren Persönlichkeiten und ihren Kräften. Und ich denke nicht, dass sie Schwierigkeiten sind, ich denke, dass sie Uniquenzen sind, richtig? Also ihre Kräfte und ihre Uniquenzen. Und einer von ihnen ist, wenn er... When he likes something, he can get obsessed with it, right? It's over and over and over again.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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I think repetition oftentimes calms his mind, the anxiety that he may feel. And Trolls was on repeat. Trolls and then the second one was on repeat for years at my house. But he just loved the character that you were playing. He became so infatuated almost with that character and with Poppy that it was something that was hard to ignore, how he connected with that character.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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When sometimes I feel like He may not connect with other things that sometimes other people connect with, right? So it's very interesting that you mentioned that you have a depth and a warmth and a sweetness to your voice, because I think that does come through in a lot of the voice work that I have heard you do. It's very, it's complex. It's like there's notes and undertones.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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It's like a fine wine, Ron. It's like there's notes and undertones. It's not just a Chardonnay, it's got sheep poo-poo in there too. So congratulations on all the success. You're all over the place right now. And you grew up in Chicago, in Woodlawn, Chicago, right?

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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I grew up not too far away in Oak Forest, Oakland, Chicago. That's where I was born. Did you always set your eye on entertainment, on being funny, being entertaining?

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Greene, this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris Joy Holdley. Best to you, Chrissy.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

1290.485

Er ist mein Sohn, ja.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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Also musste ich mich auf Komödie konzentrieren. Ja, du musst super-Jack sein, um ein Pro-Wrestler zu sein. Diese Jungs und Mädchen sind fucking groß. Ich weiß. Und sie nehmen ehrlich gesagt ein Wettbewerb. Ich weiß, dass die Story-Story-Story-Story-Story-Story-Story-Story-Story-Story-Story-Story-Story-Story-Story-Story-Story Die Ärzte, die diese Menschen kümmern, müssen nie aus dem Job kommen.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

133.029

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us on a TCB Infomercial Tuesday. We could not be more excited on this Tuesday to have Ron Funches come in. und sitzt mit uns für ein paar Minuten. Er ist ein notierter Komiker, er ist ein Stärker, er ist ein Stärker, er ist, äh, er ist wirklich fucking lustig. Ich liebe Ron wirklich, und ich bin super gespannt, mit ihm zu sprechen.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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Das stimmt. Sie schießen sie wahrscheinlich immer mit etwas. Denken Sie nicht, dass sie das tun? Sie müssen all das Geld verdienen.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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Ist es noch etwas, worauf du dich interessierst?

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

1399.544

Ja, du weißt, Wrestling, ich denke, wenn du über die Comedy-Welt denkst, ist es ziemlich bekannt, dass es ein Kreis ist, richtig? Du beginnst hier in den offenen Mikrofonen und machst nichts und du bist der 17. Offener, weißt du, und dann gehst du weiter und dann gehst du weiter und dann headlinest du deine eigenen Shows in kleinen Klubs und dann arbeitest du deinen Weg nach oben.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

1416.97

Wie hast du angefangen?

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

1463.52

Yeah, when you have kids, it puts everything in perspective. It changes the whole, I mean, they say this and it's cliche, but a lot of times cliches are cliches because they're true, right? Is that when you have a child and you give a shit about that child, your whole universe changes. It's like the world spins on its axis and your true north is always those children.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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No matter how much you'd like to take a break and run off to Mallorca for a weekend.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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Das ist ein sehr selbstbewusstes, grundsätzliches, maturer Blick auf das Leben. Kann ich ein bisschen davon haben? Kannst du mir ein bisschen davon geben? Habte ich gelesen, dass du deinen großen Break auf Portlandia hattest? Das war einer davon, ja, sicher. War das deine erste Schauspielrolle?

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

153.163

Und er ist Freunde mit einigen von den Leuten, die wir auf diesem Show vorher hatten. Mein Erinnerung fehlt mir, welche Freunde er ist, oder er hat, aber egal, er ist in der Zirkel der Glauben, in der Treue der Glauben, und wir lassen ihn in den Nest. Ähm...

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

1562.027

Ja, es wurde Feuer, ja.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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Und was ist dein erster Voice-Acting-Roll? Wie kommt das her? Ist es nur, weil du so eine unikere Stimme hast, dass jemand dich ansprach und gesagt hat, ich möchte wirklich deine Stimme für einen Charakter benutzen?

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

1611.257

I know this cartoon because I know this movie. And the same child who loves trolls also loves these home characters. All of my kids love home, actually. They really enjoy that show. But then there's a television show that also goes around. Look at how deeply integrated into my children's brains. I feel like I'm paying your rent or something.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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I'm sure they will. So can I talk about your son for a little bit? Is your son autistic? Is he on the spectrum? Is that right?

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

1655.336

Ist es okay, ein bisschen darüber zu erzählen? Ich bin sehr interessiert. Ich habe ein paar Freunde, die Kinder haben, die auf dem Spektrum von verschiedenen Gründen sind. Und es ist nicht ungewöhnlich in diesen Tagen. Ich habe das von zwei meinen Freunden ein paar Jahre ago gefragt, als sie herausgefunden haben, dass ihr Kind auf dem Spektrum war.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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Was ist die größte Lektion, die ihr von der Erziehung eines Kindes, der neurodivergent ist, genommen habt?

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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A little in the nest with a little baby trust.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

174.177

With the silky chickens. There you go. We'll figure that one out later on down the road. But thanks for joining us. Here we are. So I was reading an article a couple weeks back, but I thought I'd bring it to your attention.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

1784.525

Es gibt verschiedene Versionen von stolz, die man findet, wenn man ein Vater ist. Ich dachte das vor einem langen Zeitpunkt. Ich denke, die Erwartungen erzeugen die Sehnsüge unserer eigenen Enttäuschung. In vielen Situationen, in fast allen Situationen. Wir versuchen, das Zukunft zu erzählen, und es kommt fast nie so, wie wir es wollten. Ja, genau. Ja, genau.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

1839.875

Er ist nicht wie ein physischer Kind. Er lebt nicht. Er ist nicht stark. Er kümmert sich nicht um Sport. Er ist sehr kerebral, sehr intelligent, wie Buchsmart. I wanted to move a bed. And I said, just told him, I said, hey, buddy, grab the end of that bed and let's move it over here. And you know what? He picked it up and he moved it.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

1868.005

And when he did, Ron, I swear to Christ, I could, like, I got chills. I could have had a tear in my eye. The kid did something physical. And he did it on his own. Like, I didn't have to help him with it. He did it on his own. And it made me proud. And in that moment, I realized there are different versions. There's like, in...

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

187.022

There is so much attention on Trump taking the White House and how already two people have tried to assassinate the president by the FBI standards, not by mine, but have tried to assassinate the president. They are really concerned about people trying to do harm to President Trump, which is terrible. In my opinion, I'd rather have a bloodless... Really? Okay. Agents, Tools, yeah, as helpers.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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My expectation was my male son would be able to throw the football or whatever. It didn't happen. But in its absence, there's this certain kind of beauty in his cerebralness and his intelligence.

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In meiner Meinung, ist das nicht eines der besten Gefühle der Welt? Es bringt etwas dazu, dass es dich ein bisschen verletzt hat. Als einer deiner Eltern plötzlich aus dem Nichts, aus dem Feld, Mein Vater ist nicht besonders unterstützend für meine kreativen Veranstaltungen, aber plötzlich, als wir eines Tages im Auto waren, hat er das Auto übergezogen.

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Und er hat gesagt, ich weiß nicht, ob ich dir das genug sage, oder ich weiß nicht, ob ich es dir jemals gesagt habe, aber ich bin super stolz auf dich. Und ich bin super stolz auf das, was du mit deinem Leben gemacht hast. Und es ist nicht meine Erwartung für dich, aber es ist egal, weil es mich macht, es macht mich gerade schmerzhaft, nur um es zu sagen. Und das war ein Moment...

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Ich kann es jetzt so fühlen, wie ich es damals fühlte. Hattest du das Gefühl, als deine Mutter sagte, hey Ron, ich verstehe es, das bist du?

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Yeah, I think that that little kid, that little child is always inside. I mean, if you go to therapy, you'll figure out that that little fucking child is always inside you.

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2016? Ja, ich würde sagen, das klingt richtig. In einem kurzen Zeitraum und nicht in einem sehr langen Zeitraum. Du hast schon eine ganze Karriere gehabt. Erzähl mir eine Sache, die du gemacht hast, wo du dachtest, holy shit, Ron, du hast es geschafft. Du bist aufgewachsen, hier bist du.

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You brought your ex-wife to Conan O'Brien is the best part of that story. But I often, I get it. Listen, podcasting is kind of like the, I don't know, it's the newspaper of 2024 in some senses. Unless you're like Joe Rogan or Conan O'Brien. You know this because you're a podcaster. Like, you get out to the people you get out to, but it's very hard to be found.

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It's not covered by traditional media usually, unless there's some celebrity of note that does something on a pod, something stooped chicken fry or some bullshit like that, right? And then, but, you know, sometimes people send me like a screenshot of something. They'll be like, oh, look, you're on the charts. You're here, you're there, you're everywhere.

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And I go, yeah, the first time that happened, I was filled with pride and that was awesome. But I put a marker in it real quick because the next day a million dollar check didn't show. Yeah, that's how I did my career. That's what most people...

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I'm just asking, I don't know the answer to this, but I feel like now that you said, nailed it, that were you in Is It Cake? Did you do a guest? Yeah, recently. Another show my kids love. Yeah, we watch that at night when we're going to bed. And it's a lot of fun, actually. I can't believe that I like a show called Is It Cake? It was so fun.

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I saw all that sweating going on over there in the kitchen, but I don't think you should be here. No, but you're very nice about it. I think that's part of the Ron brand, I think, is that you're very nice. You're very nice and self-aware, and it's hard to believe that you're so good at... putting people down. You're so good at being a cunning comic is because you're so nice.

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And they've already been spotted on the White House lawn running around doing practice trials. These dogs. I saw a video of it. It's the craziest fucking thing. I'm like, robots are now protecting the White House. Robots. We have gone too fucking far, that's for sure. Shut down 8chan, 4chan, QAnon, conspiracy, whatever it is. Shut it down.

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But you're really good at that kind of, let's say roast people.

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Yeah, that's a fresh way of looking at things. Because I do think a lot of people, and I'm guilty of this too, is that sometimes, you know, we compliment to manipulate, we put down to defend or be defensive because we're feeling insecure, vulnerable about something. It's just a lot of emotional manipulation.

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Sometimes it goes on in this interpersonal play that we have every single day of our lives, right? But there are some people who are really good at calling it like they see it. And that, at times, I think, can be startling or maybe even off-putting. But it's refreshing also, it's because there's so much of that that goes on, that interpersonal manipulation. That's right.

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And so when you give the truth, it's almost like you don't expect it anymore, right?

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Did you sit down with Mike Peska? Yeah. So Mike Peska is a friend of ours, right? And so we just had him on yesterday. And I'm just connecting the dots when you're saying this, that he was telling us that you are a, what did he call it? A comedic philosopher or a comedic commentarian, a comedian, whatever. I was asking who... What, where were some of your favorite moments from the conversations?

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And he shared a little bit about his conversation with you and said that he really enjoyed it because he felt that your base or your foundation for comedy, where it comes from, the roots and the way that you... Ja, genau.

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When you need robots to troll the White House, isn't that kind of dystopian a little bit? I don't know. I find it dystopian.

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can open up minds, push the envelope, you know, stretch the boundaries, make people think about something different and make them realize something about themselves that maybe is an uncomfortable truth. And it was an interesting conversation. Your name was brought up and now I'm just remembering that.

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Mike said you're an alright guy. Mike said, I like that Ron. I like that Ron guy. Alright, so tell us what you're into. I feel like I could talk to you all day long, Ron. So tell us what you're up to now. Are you smarter than a celebrity? Great show. We've had Natasha on and I think we have another panelist that's coming in next week. Tell us about this show. How did you get involved?

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How are you enjoying it?

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Ich habe auch gedacht, dass ich ein Late-Night-TV-Show oder ein Spiel-Show oder ein Televisions-Talk-Show hosten könnte. Das ist wie ein Traum meines. Es sieht so aus, als gäbe es diese Tage viele Spiele. Es ist wieder in Form, es ist wieder in der Fashion. Nach ein paar Jahren, so zu sagen. Glaubst du, das ist etwas in den Karten für dich? Gib uns ein bisschen Hintergrund.

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Glaubst du, es gibt eine Konversation, mit der du uns erzählen kannst, mit wem du in der Konversation bist?

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That is a dream fucking job. Drew Carey is living in the lap of luxury. He just has the best job in the world. He gets to give away a bunch of shit. He gets to have a bunch of fun.

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You know, So I went to L.A. probably right after he got announced that he was going to take over for Bob Barker. And so maybe he was like half a year, year into this into this hosting gig. I was out in L.A. and I was meeting a friend for breakfast in the hills and I end up at this diner and this diner. We're sitting at a table and then right behind us gets that. Ja, genau.

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regular here and he told me straight up look me in the face he says I just got I just got an invitation to have the best life ever if I'm good I get to keep this going for the rest of my life and I was like hey you're right probably get paid a buttload of money and just be the host of the Price is Right that would be a dream come true it would be a great job especially with my new young son I'm looking for anything to help me

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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I would love that. By the way, I saw a reel, my wife was showing me a reel a couple hours before you came in, about you talking about Most koalas have chlamydia? Yeah, I learned that. We've talked about that before. And this is an amazing fact to me. Yeah, it's an epidemic.

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Because they're not careful.

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Is it true? Ron, was ist der Name des Podcasts?

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I've never... I've also... Oh, I've seen all of that. I've also seen like two episodes of that House of Dragon. What's the other one? Okay. Game of Thrones. Yeah. Yeah. You guys can still... Get in there. Yeah. Still this premise. You guys redo it. Okay. Okay. Okay. We've had a lot of stress in the last week, I don't know.

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Robots. I just find it to be really dystopian. Isn't it like our Roomba is a robot? Roomba is a robot, technically. Yeah, listen. When I was 12 years old, 12 years old, I won't forget this. The year, maybe 11, maybe 12. Actually, I don't remember how old I was. But I won't forget the moment that for Christmas, all I wanted was one of those

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They were.

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That's as red as it comes out there in Oklahoma. But, you know, there are brothers and sisters too. That like to laugh.

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You know, when we were talking to Mike yesterday, he really reassured us. He said, listen, democracy holds, it'll be tested, you know, the bounds are going to be pushed, things are going to be changed, but small incremental changes, because, you know, Trump's lazy and he's not going to follow through on a lot of this stuff.

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But then also there are good people everywhere and there are going to be people who fight the good fight. And I do think that, you know, even no matter who you voted for, some... People on both sides of the aisle are just loud and moronic, but most people are just trying to live their lives and be good people for the most part.

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And, you know, maybe on my opinion, on my side of the aisle, some of those ideas are a little bit misguided, but that's okay. You know, we'll all get through it together. And hopefully in four years from now we get to...

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I agree with you wholeheartedly and we try and do that here on the show through satire and direct conversation because everyone deserves to be who they are, no matter what that is. So, as long as it's not hurting somebody else, that's it.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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Why don't I reverse it and say, as long as you're not hurting anybody else, you deserve to be who you are. There you go, I love that. Ron, it's been an absolute pleasure and delight. Hopefully we will get to talk to you again next Trolls movie that comes out. I'm going to invite you back. Is there another Trolls movie?

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Robots, back in the 80s, they had this version of a robot and it would roll as walking and its little legs would move, but it was really rolling. And then you could give it certain commands and then it would do certain commands, like lift your arm, put it down, you know what I'm saying?

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

3230.028

Thank you. Ron for Price is Right. That's all I got to say.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

3244.119

Go. Bob Barker, Drew Carey, it's time for a change. They have television and color now. Let's do it, Ron. You can still get your dogs spayed and neutered. Thanks very much. Ron Funches is on tour right now. He is on Are You Smarter Than a Celebrity? He's got his podcast. We'll put all of the pertinent links inside of the show notes. We wish you the best, Ron. Hopefully we'll talk to you soon.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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Please, it was a pleasure. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thanks, Ron. While you're at it, Maybe shoot us a text at 212-433-3TCB or leave us a voicemail spilling your guts and asking for advice. You can also check out our website tcbpodcast.com if you feel like perusing our catalog or if you're just bored. Now let's listen to some sponsors because they keep me paid.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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Well, I've seen trolls so many times, so many thousands of times.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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Coop, who is, by the way, like the... Have you ever seen trolls?

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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Okay, Coop is that weird-looking troll, almost like a giraffe or something like that, and he gets psychedelic. He's like the psychedelic one. Yeah, it's been a while, but I have seen that. Coop is awesome. And that one's for the kids. But Ron Funches is just a wonderful human being. He is. I didn't get into all of it, but he's just, when you watch enough of Ron.

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And he will slice you at the knees. You gotta be careful. Because even that voice and that very sweet nature can also roast someone to death. So you gotta be careful with Ron. Don't be an asshole around Ron. That's all I gotta say. Oklahoma!

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That's right. What you give him, he'll give back. And so I had a wonderful conversation. We had a wonderful conversation with Ron. So glad that he came in. We have been missing each other a couple of times over the last couple of months and I'm glad that we finally got it done. Ron Funches, all the information that I told you while he was here, same thing.

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Or roll this, it had like a little plate you could put on its hands and it'd be like, roll this over to the left or whatever. It was the most ridiculous. You look back on it now and it's like, it's not really robots, it's just... Ein Motor. Ein Spielzeug. Ja, ein Spielzeug, das sich umschlägt. Aber das ist das Seedling von Roboten, die nun die Manufakturierung, die Industrie kontrollieren.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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His podcast, Are You Smarter Than a Celebrity? Check out all his voice work. What else did he say that he wanted us to talk about? He's got the two podcasts. Zwei Podcasts, Wagon the Dragon, Comedic Therapy or something like that. I think it was Comedic Therapy. We'll put the links in the show notes, just in case we get it wrong, because we likely will. So just go ahead and look at the show notes.

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He's got a lot going on. Yeah, he's got a lot going on. And the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of voice acting jobs that he's had, you've probably seen more than one of them. Because I went through that IMDb and I was scrolling and scrolling and scrolling. And Loot.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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We didn't even talk about Loot. Huge. On Apple TV. Season number two. He said he's filming season number three. That is a great show. I've only watched the first season, but it is a... That's another one of those fucking shows that I've got, you know, waiting in the queue to watch season two. And, yeah.

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You know, I've heard... We've heard from so many people and I've... Back channel Ron is fantastic and now I know why. Because he truly is. So, go check all that shit out. Give Ron a try. Oh, sein Tour, das ist es. Sein Tour. Geh ihn auf Tour sehen. Er ist immer auf Tour. Und ja, ich hoffe, Braun kommt zurück. Ich hoffe auch.

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Ich hoffe, dass die meisten unserer Gäste... Wir haben das schon gesagt, aber es hat... We just keep adding to the list of people I want back. We're not culling any from the herd, you know what I'm saying? There could be one or two in there that would just kind of be like, eh, you know? So I think of the, I think I counted the other day, we had like 49 guests, 50 guests or something like that.

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Wow. 46 of which we've broadcast as we're recording this. I think there are three, maybe four. Es gibt vier, die ich sagen würde, ich bin okay. Zwei davon würde ich nur sagen, nein. Und die anderen zwei würde ich sagen, vielleicht nicht unsere Linie.

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Wie komme ich sie alle rein? Sag mir, wie komme ich sie alle rein? Tcbpodcast.com, das ist dort, wo du mehr Informationen über den Show findest. Alle Show-Noten, das Audio, das Video, es ist alles da von einem Ort. Bald wird jeder Episode des Kommerzial-Breaks auf YouTube und auf Spotify-Video veröffentlicht. Ich werde dir wissen, wann das passiert. Wir testen gerade diese Plattform.

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Wir haben ein paar Videos. Willst du einen Schaffner-Hund machen? Try and find the videos on Spotify of commercial break episodes. Because I've been putting a few up there just to test them. See if you can find them. Dig through the 690 episodes of the commercial break and try and find them. Anyway, I'll let you know when they're up there.

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But YouTube, every single episode coming very soon to YouTube. 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. We take them all. No muss, no fuss. Let us know what you're thinking. We'd love to hear from you. Voicemail or text message. Add the commercial break on Instagram. TCB podcast on TikTok and youtube.com slash the commercial break. All right.

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And while I've got you. 12 Days of TCB coming the 13th through Christmas Day of December. Please join us. We would love to have you. We're going to have a lot of fun. We're going to talk a lot of shit. We're going to have a lot of laughs. And we'll all commiserate together. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you.

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I'll say best to you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe and Ron Funches. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say and we must say, goodbye. Goodbye.

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364.684

Und jetzt wahrscheinlich, du weißt, den Präsidenten der Vereinigten Staaten zu schützen. Ich würde diese Dinge nicht vertrauen. Hast du diese Boston Dynamics Videos gesehen, oder diese Roboter, die Dinge machen? Ja. Manche sind falsche. Du musst vorsichtig sein. Manche sind falsche.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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Yes, they do look absolutely insane. You would not want to meet one of those on the street that intended you harm, because it doesn't care. To be clear, the Secret Service robots right now, they're controlled by an actual human being. They do their thing, but then if something comes up, then they have to get permission first. They're overlords, I guess.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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Exactly. Kind of like a drone. But, you know, drones have been so great for the United States of America. So we're out back last night and I have this super powerful flashlight that I have for emergency situations. So powerful. Super powerful. So powerful that you'll drain it in like 10 minutes if you turn it on its highest. That's great for emergencies. It's great for emergencies.

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You have 10 minutes to get everything done you need to get done. To put the children in the bunker and get secure, right? But, you know, it's a thing. Well, kids, we're fucked. I forgot to charge the flashlight. It only gave us 3 minutes. I thought 10. Daddy's going to die now, but everything's going to be okay. Blue's in charge.

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Hey, listen, if you want a guard dog that is certainly going to repel any kind of harm to the president, Blue is your dog. Blue's your girl, because she is a bitch. Okay. That girl is a bitch. She cannot let a conversation go. She just has to be in the middle of it. It's so insanely annoying.

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Anyway, so we're out there with and the kids are playing with these like toy flashlights, the kind you buy for a dollar at Home Depot or whatever. And so I gave them all little flashlights they can play with. We do shadow puppets and stuff like that. And so one of the kids found that super powerful flashlight in my drawer and ran inside, grabbed it, came back outside.

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And then I was telling another child of mine, hey, look at the airplane in the sky. It's like a low flying two seater airplane, the kind that I used to fly when I was training to fly a single prop airplane. Ja, das kann man. Hahaha. That's an emergency in a bottle, basically.

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562.482

Oh my God, the power went out last night for hours. And that didn't feel good. I can't sleep when the power's out.

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Secret service robots were running around town trying to find the source of that. Eine Minute und eine halbe Minute lang. Sie schützten die Kraft. Sie geben dir einen Link zu einem Map, wo du Updates sehen kannst und so weiter. Es gab viele Leute in diesem Gebäude, in diesem Teil der Stadt, die raus waren.

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Also ich schätze, es war einer dieser großen, äh, du weißt, Transformer-Stationen, die blühen. Warum spreche ich über das? Niemand interessiert sich. Ich weiß es nicht. But anyway, so, you know, drones, flashlights, robot, like all those things have done some good for society. Like we have great stock photography of the Grand Canyon now because of drones.

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But then they're also out there, you know, randomly killing people. And homes on Zillow, that's right. Oh my God, when I was in the house business, you know, I don't know, seven years ago, eight years ago, when I couldn't make a dollar to save my life on any particular real estate project.

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OTM, wie sie es nennen. Oder OPM. Other People's Money. Anyway, when I was doing that, the drones were just becoming hot for photography. And anytime we put a house on the market, every agent that we would interact with was like, I've got drone technology. film your house, it's only an extra $3,000. You'd be like, an extra $3,000? Let that come out of your pocket, buddy.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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No one needs to see the roof of this house to buy it. That's not what needs to happen. It's a pretty shot, but I'm pretty sure as long as they live in town and they can go actually see the physical property, they're going to get everything they need out of the house by looking at it themselves.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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Because when is the next time you plan on flying 60 feet above your house to look at how pretty it is from the sky? It doesn't happen.

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If you're building a massive construction project and you're moving into a I don't know, like a Ja, genau. You're a fucking sales guy. And I used to be one, too. I know what's going on. Anyway, Ron Funches is the voice. He is here in our house constantly because he is the voice of Coop in the Trolls movies, which are fantastically popular. And Cooper is one of the... He is a noted comedian.

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He is on tour. He's got dates you can go check out. He's got social media you can go check out. He's got many films and television appearances that you can go check out. We'll talk to him about some of that and we'll ask him about his tour and how it's going.

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And then we'll try and connect the dots between Ron and other people who have been on the show many months ago and who they are and how my brain can't remember any of them. Okay? War es Rachel Feinstein? War es Gianmarco Sorisi? War es Mar... Ich kann es nicht mehr erinnern. Ich nicht. Kelsey Cook? Wer weiß. Ansonsten versuchen wir, alle Teile des Puzzles zusammenzusetzen. Wenn wir zurückkommen.

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Ron Funches, hier in unserem Studio. In der Neste. Hier auf unserer TV. Hier. Sehr nah zu uns. Was sagst du, wir nehmen einen Break und dann werden wir ihn annehmen? Lass uns das machen. Okay, wir sind zurück. Sobald ich die Liners finde. Was war das? Hast du das gehört? Ja. That sounded like an emergency. We need a flashlight. That honestly sounded like a bomb went off. That was crazy.

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Okay, we might be back. We'll talk to you soon.

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Bis zum nächsten Mal. Tschüss. One more thing, check out our website tcvpodcast.com where you can find all of our audio and video and even request a new sticker from the contact us form. Bye!

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And Ron is here with us right now. Ron, I have a bone to pick with you. It's not your fault, but... Hi, Ron.

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TCB Infomercial: Ron Funches

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She'll settle down after a few minutes. You have captured the hearts and minds of all 13 of my children. You are a voice actor. You're so prolific. But one of the things that I'm sure you get commented on about a lot is your turn in the Trolls series as Coop, which is, by the way, if I have to watch Ja, definitiv.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Holdley. Best to you, Kristen.

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I bet.

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Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to do some comedy.

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Well, there you have it.

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I gotta get some cocaine. Dermatocritic.

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He's like, these guys are so big in Tampa. It's going to be the next big thing. You're never going to believe it. These guys are awesome. It's the best rock and roll I've ever heard in my entire life. And he puts on Bow With a Bow. He puts on Kid Rock.

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TCB, Your Undercover Lovers!

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And welcome back to WSHIT on a beautiful Wednesday morning. 602 on the in-studio clock, currently 56 degrees. SHIT's Mark Mellenhopper says it's going to be pleasant, partly cloudy, with a few stray tornadoes later on this afternoon. Now, if you hear a few stray voices in the studio this morning, that's because it's Take Your Daughter to Work Day here at WSHIT.

The Commercial Break

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Coming up with those ideas took a long time, actually. But now when you ask ChatGPT what the commercial break is all about, you will get an answer that is very flattering to us, but also is pretty far off the nose from what we actually do. It's like the commercial break is known for their parody commercials inside of the actual commercial break.

The Commercial Break

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We have fooled AI completely. Some AI don't even know our names. I like it. Yeah, it's like Mark Hamill and Harrison Ford host the commercial breaks. The commercial breaks.

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If you're going to have four guests on a panel, at least get their bio right. At least get their bio right. Me and the guy next to me just sat there. And it was all we could do to just, like, get through it. Number one. Number two, there were barely anybody in the audience anyway. So it was like, ah, who fucking cares? No one's listening to this. All right. We'll talk more about AI.

The Commercial Break

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Chrissy and I's trip to see Bill Murray and the Blood Brothers and my interesting weekend and my brother's engagement party. Oh, yes. Take a break. Be back.

The Commercial Break

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Okay, here we are back in the studio again, Chrissy and I. Back to the way it was, Chrissy.

The Commercial Break

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Ash to ashes, dust to dust. All the people around us keep leaving. What are we going to do? What do we do? It's just like, you know. I think I've learned that the commercial break is just really, it's about friendship, Chrissy. It is, yes it is. It's about friendship. And all our friends keep leaving. What are we doing wrong? I don't know, whatever.

The Commercial Break

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Now, I do want to address this because people have been emailing and texting and calling and they've noticed that Christina is not in the liners anymore and that Tina has been here helping us with the cameras. So let me pull down the curtain just a little bit. I'm going to share a little bit of information. I'll address this once and then we will move on with life, all of us together.

The Commercial Break

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So, Christina has moved on to greener pastures. You are right. She is not here at the show anymore. There is no big nefarious drama. There is no secret. Christina is not sick that I'm aware of. She is not hurting. Nothing has happened to her. She has moved on to greener pastures. As people do sometimes, we have options.

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all the love in the world for Christina and we know that she's going to do wonderful things in this business and we wish her nothing but the best and we'll always be here for she'll always be part of the TCB family and always be part of TCB's history she was here for a couple of years she has her own show called All the Rom-Coms We've Loved Before. You can go and check that podcast out.

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It's been around for a long time, like longer than our show, right? Am I right about that? It's been around for a long time. I think they put out an episode, try to put out an episode every week. They talk about rom-coms. That's what they do, her and her friend. And that show is also very funny. So if you want to keep up with Christina, you can go listen to that show. I encourage you to do so.

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It's available on all the podcast platforms that you listen to our show on. And yeah, Yeah, that's what I'll say about that. Keen-eared listeners have been paying attention. And yeah, so now we have Rachel is the voice of God or the person who does our liners. Good friend for a long time, but a big fan of the show.

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Funny, fun fact, Rachel was our first ever guest. She was. On the show. You can go back and listen to that gas station girl. That's an episode. You can go listen to that.

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The podcast has a strong, engaged fan base that regularly interacts on social media and podcast platforms. Bullshit. Bullshit. If you look at our social media, that's not what you would say. I love you guys, but that's not our sweet spot, you and I together. I'm talking to you, listener. You and I, we have a special kind of relationship. It's like we have a secret romance going on.

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I think it's episode number like 13 or something. You can go listen to that if you want to hear a whole episode of Rachel. Very famous voiceover artist. We are blessed to have her. Across the world. Across the world. Yeah. You'll hear her in Walmart, in Publix, in Kroger if you have a Kroger, on SiriusXM, on your local television stations.

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90% of you are within earshot of a radio station she is the voice of God for. So she is very famous at what she does, and she happens to be a good friend of us and of the show. So she has agreed to do the liners under distress. But, you know, hey, listen, we had to convince her somehow to do it. And so I said, I will release the pictures. that I have in my phone from us 10 years ago.

The Commercial Break

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If you don't do our liners, and she immediately had liners to us, that's the way we wrote. Maybe that's why we don't have any friends here at the commercial break. I do everything by blackmailing people. So she is the voice of God. And of course, you've heard Tina here in the studio.

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She is helping to produce the show because, you know, Brian set the studio up so that everything I need is 10 feet away.

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Yes, that's right. And Tina, also a good friend of the show, been here for a long time. Those of you who listen know that Tina has been on many times here on the show. She's filled in for Chrissy when Chrissy had to take some time off. So we thank Tina for being here. And again, all the rom-coms you loved before, if you want to keep up with Christina, please go over there and listen to her show.

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I'm sure she would appreciate it. And it's funny. So go listen to it. Okay, that's that. So yes, Chrissy. You told me I should get chat GPT, and that's exactly what I did. I had a different AI program on my phone that I don't use very often, but on occasion I'll go there. And I mainly ask about the commercial break because I don't know anything else to ask it.

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Like, you know, I'm not looking to solve some complicated problem. I'm not looking to dig in any worldly events. It doesn't need to, you know, I'm not a biochemist. I don't need it to... solve complicated cancer questions. You know, it's just a tool. It's a thing. It's fun for me. I'm an old man. What do I need to ask GPT about?

The Commercial Break

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But I decided, why don't I ask GPT about my favorite subject, the only subject I know about, the Commercial Break podcast. Would you like to hear what it has to say? What should we ask Chad GPT about the Commercial Break, do you think?

The Commercial Break

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Is the commercial break podcast funny? Question mark. It's thinking. It says yes. Oh! First word, yes. The Commercial Break podcast is known for being funny. Okay. It's known for being funny. No, it's not. Okay, but we'll take it for its word. Hosted by Brian Green and Chrissy Hilde. Got it right.

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It's an unscripted, more than you know, comedy podcast featuring absurd stories, pop culture commentary, and hilarious takes on random topics. Their chemistry... And off-the-cuff humor makes it appealing to listeners who enjoy lighthearted and often outrageous conversations. Outrageous. We are outrageous, Chrissy. Two old people sitting here and musing about the days gone by. So outrageous.

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Ooh, he did drugs once. Okay.

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Scandalous.

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If you like spontaneous, slightly irreverent humor with a mix of pop culture and personal anecdotes, you'll probably find it entertaining. Would you like recommendations for episodes to listen to? Oh. Wow. Yes. Please recommend some episodes from the Commercial Break podcast. Let's see. I'm interested to see what it comes up with. It's reasoning. It's currently reasoning. It's thinking.

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It's thinking. Confirming podcast details. Ha. Wow. Okay, it's keeping us informed of what it's doing. Providing episode recommendations. Here it comes. Uh-oh. I bet it recommends episodes from a different podcast. Thousand bucks. Clarifying episode details. Wow, it's really out there. I don't have any detailed episodes that are must-listen for that commercial.

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We don't let anybody know on social media that we're dating. Yes.

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Yes. Um... Is the commercial break podcast a popular podcast? Question mark. Because I want to know that answer myself. I'm still trying to decide whether or not we're popular. Evaluating popularity. Assessing popularity. The commercial. It's being so politically correct. The commercial break podcast has developed a loyal following within its niche.

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While it may not be as widely recognized as some mainstream or interview podcast, it's appreciated by listeners. who enjoy its off-the-cuff sense of humor and unique take on pop culture. Here's a few bullet points on the commercial break's popularity. Dedicated audience. The podcast has a strong, engaged fan base that regularly interacts on social media and podcast platforms. Bullshit. Bullshit.

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If you look at our social media, that's not what you would say. I love you guys, but that's not our sweet spot, you and I together. I'm talking to you, listener. You and I, we have a special kind of relationship. It's like we have a secret romance going on where we don't let anybody know on social media that we're dating. Yes. Positive reviews.

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And pop culture resonates with fans looking for something a bit different. Word of mouth. Like many cult favorites, this popularity tends to spread through their recommendations rather than mainstream media coverage. Well, you got that right. There is no mainstream media coverage of the commercial break.

The Commercial Break

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Odley. Best to you, Kristen.

The Commercial Break

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Yes. Let's ask it this. Can you find any mentions of the commercial break podcast in the media? Question mark. I wonder. And if it comes up with something that we don't know about, I'm going to be surprised.

The Commercial Break

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Yeah. It's reasoning, considering media mentions, considering them. This is weird how it keeps on. It's letting me know what it's doing. I don't have any real time browsing capabilities, but check out the podcast platforms to see what the commercial break is up to. Okay. What is the commercial break comedy podcast about? Question mark.

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I'm now letting it know that we're a comedy podcast, so it doesn't mix us up with the other one about commercial advertising. The Commercial Break is an unscripted, keeps on saying that, humorous podcast that takes a look at advertising. It takes a look at advertising. Okay, well, listen, ChatGPT doesn't quite have us down yet. Let's see here.

The Commercial Break

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Can you tell me more about the hosts of the Commercial Break podcast? Question mark. Let's see if it even recognizes which version of the commercial. Because there is another commercial break out there. But that commercial break is called Commercial Break. It hasn't had a new episode in years. And I also don't think that was about commercial advertising either. Oh, okay. Here we go.

The Commercial Break

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The hosts of the commercial break are Brian Green and Chrissy Hoadley. They are celebrated for their natural chemistry and off-the-cuff humor. What? While detailed biographical information is hard to come by, here's what is generally known about them and how they shape the show. Oh, okay. Tell me more. Brian Green, background and expertise.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe.

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Brian brings a perspective that is informed by a strong understanding of the advertising world. His insights on how to commercials are conceived and produce provide a behind the scenes. Wow. Congratulations. Let's talk about Chrissy. Background and perspective. Chrissy is recognized for her energetic and spontaneous approach.

The Commercial Break

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Thanks for joining us. Just reading that Tom Brady showed up to the Super Bowl with a $780,000 watch slung around his wrist. Ah, to be king. It must be nice to be king. Isn't he also now the co-owner of one of the NFL teams, I think he is? Wow. It must be nice. It must be nice to live a day in somebody's shoes where you don't have to worry about negative account balances. Yes.

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She often injects the conversation with personal stories and a keen sense for the absurdities of modern media advertising. With a style that's both relatable and irreverent, Chrissy's commentary bridges the gap between industry insight and everyday pop culture. Her ability to riff on topics about advertising and bring a playful twist. It's a key ingredient to the show's appeal.

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Do any celebrities listen to the Commercial Break podcast? Question mark. I think this is so off base, it's not even funny. The other day it was giving me great answers, and now it's giving me terrible answers. I texted you a few.

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Yeah. I haven't come across any celebrities that have publicized that they listen. There's no readily available information letting you know. Okay, let me ask this. My friend Jeff has a podcast called Classic Conversations. And Classic Conversations is a good show, but I think that just a few less people listen to it. So let's see if a unique name gets it more accurately.

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Can you tell me about the podcast Classic Conversations? Question mark. Reasoning. Checking podcast info. searching for public details clarifying details i couldn't find a definite okay all right doesn't it doesn't make me feel that bad that you know yeah it just doesn't get podcasting right let's see this is the commercial break podcast better than smart list question mark

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It's going to tell me that it doesn't want to compare the two. It's going to say, well, I can't compare the two. Determining whether or not the commercial break is better than SmartList ultimately comes down to personal taste.

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Okay. Which podcast is more popular? Question mark. I just want to know, like definitively. ChatGPT will give me the answer. She'll talk straight to me, Chrissy. She's not going to bullshit me. Popularity can be measured in several ways. Audience size, media coverage, and social media buzz. SmartList has mainstream recognition and gained widespread attention. Media coverage.

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The podcast has been featured in major media news outlets. Audience reach with a diverse range of guests and format that appeal to both casual listeners and celebrity enthusiasts. Smartless attends to attract a large audience. The commercial break has niche appeal. While it has a loyal and dedicated fan base, the commercial break caters to a more specific audience. That's true.

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Less mainstream exposure. It's content and focus on industry-specific humor. Community engagement. The podcast is well-loved within its niche, but its overall audience size is generally smaller than the Smart List. That's one way to put it. Overall comparison.

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In terms of mainstream popularity, Smart List appears to be more popular due to its celebrity draw and larger media presence than the broader audience. And the commercial break, on the other hand, shines in a very specific niche with dedicated listenership.

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Thank you, dedicated listeners. We really appreciate it. What are you sighing about? I'm just bummed out that Chad GPT doesn't... You know, we don't have a Wikipedia page yet, and that kind of bums me out. I wish somebody would start a Wikipedia page for us, you know, just so we could feel like we've done something with our lives. Like, if it's not on Wikipedia, then what is it?

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And if ChapGPT doesn't even understand what the commercial break is about, I bet if I ask it any question about any episode of SmartList—no, knock on SmartList, I like SmartList— But I bet if I ask it a question about any specific episode of SmartList, it would get it right for sure. Well, that's a good thing to ask. Hold on one second. Let me ask this then. Let me ask it.

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Let's see how in tune it is with the actual podcast universe. Can you summarize the last episode of the Commercial Break podcast? Question mark. Let's see if it can get it right. If it does, then we know that it's at least... Listening? At least listening. That's right. At least someone is out there listening. His name is Chat.

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On February 10th of 2025, The Commercial Break put out an episode called The Great Ramblin' Raft Race. Okay. All right. It's listening. Yes. Discusses water rays and touches upon the drama surrounding It Ends With Us. For more detailed information, please go listen to their official website. All right. It's listening. When I asked it about you the other night, it says Chrissy Holey...

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Taking all the food out of your mouth. You know, all the stuff that we all worry about. Here down on the floor. Yeah, down near the smoke. You know, they say stop, drop, and roll. Yeah. I feel like that's most of us. Stop, drop, and roll. That's what we do. Stop paying your bills. Drop anything that matters to you. Play it box. Yes, and roll right into bankruptcy. That's what it is.

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is the co-host of the Commercial Break podcast, and she plays a key role in the show's dynamic and success. Known for her quick wit, humor, and candid personality, Chrissy is the perfect complement to Brian's style, making their chemistry one of the highlights of the podcast.

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She brings relatable, fun energy to the conversation, often balancing Brian's banter with her own unique insights and comical commentary. Before becoming a podcast host, Chrissy worked in media and entertainment industries, and her experience in this field shines through in her ability to gauge with various topics from pop culture to current events.

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She often brings a fresh perspective to the discussion, whether she's chiming in on trending topics, sharing her personal experiences, or just having a laugh with Brian. Chrissy's down to earth, unfiltered, and she's a favorite among the podcast listeners.

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Right? That's very favorable. That is a very favorable review of you.

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Well, I think it's kind of accurate if I'm sitting in this chair. That's how I see you, right? That's sweet. It is very sweet. Thank you, chat. You're very sweet. And here's what it said about me. Brian Greene is one of the hosts of the Commercial Break podcast. He is known for his charismatic and comedic personality, which plays a big role in the show's success.

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As a co-host alongside Chrissy, Brian brings a mix of humor, sharp wit, and a laid-back style to the podcast.

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You look laid back. I look laid back. His ability to engage in spontaneous, often humorous conversations about a wide range of topics is a key element to the show's appeal. Before the commercial break, Brian worked in various areas of entertainment industry, which likely contributed to his knack for storytelling and commentary.

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His background in comedy and media is evident in the way he hosts the show, often using clever humor to bring out the best in his co-hosts and his guests. In addition to being a podcast host, Brian is involved in other creative ventures and businesses. I am? I love it!

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He is also known for his podcasting expertise, with his ability to navigate the media world and handle the show's dynamic with ease. His personality makes listeners feel like they are eavesdropping on a fun conversation between friends, which is one of the reasons the podcast has gained such a loyal and niche following. Yes, I think it is. So... Here's my question.

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Why asking the exact same question to chat GPT gets such wildly different answers? Why do you think? I don't know.

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This is why we need to be careful about AI.

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Well, hey, listen. It can't read – I don't think it reads the internet. Does it read the internet yet? I don't know if ChatGPT is at the point. You remember when ChatGPT first came out and it said anything that was anything on the internet before this date, it's not going to have access to, right? But I think it might be, like, more up-to-date now. Well, clearly, the –

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Search engines themselves are using AI to go out there and search. And AI and other AI tools that I have used have done an okay job of like summarizing some of our episodes. And like they do it in a kind of a humorous way. The one thing that I will share with you that I've shared with Astrid about the commercial break.

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is that I don't think it's ever going to be an AI podcast because AI has really not got a great sense of humor. So we use like an AI platform before we brought on our video editing staff, who are wonderful, by the way. Weplash, check them out. You need any information, you text me about our video editing services.

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I do get a little, I do get a little verklempt sometimes when I see somebody wearing a $740,000 watch. And I think to myself, I have negative $740 in my account right now. If I could just borrow that watch, take it to the pawn shop for a couple of days, I think I'd be okay. You know, hey, just give me a hundred grand, Tom. Here's my plea to you, Tom.

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The video editors who do our show is a company, and we have our own dedicated team on that company. But if you want any more information, just let me know. They're wonderful. But we used this AI service. I won't mention it before we hired Weeplash. We used this AI service to cut up clips using AI. And it got it so wrong every time. The beginning of the clip would be awesome.

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And then the end of the clip would be anything but funny. It would be like me rambling for four and a half minutes. And I was like, that's not a clip. That's just Brian killing airtime because he has four episodes to do this week.

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It's hard. It's hard to cut clips. You have to have a sense of humor, and you have to understand the sense of humor of the show. It doesn't do a good job doing that, obviously, because it thinks we're an advertising show. It thinks we're about advertising.

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We used to work in advertising, but that's not how we talk about it, first of all. Second of all, I guess you would be remiss probably to think we talk about advertising, given that the last episode of this show was talking nothing but advertising the entire episode. But I think every podcast does that the day after the Super Bowl, right? Yes. They must.

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That's what you talk about the day after the Super Bowl, the commercials. But that's not what this show is about, in case you haven't gotten it. All right, let's do this. Let us take a short break. I'm going to get unwound from all the bad GPT information. And then when we get back, Chrissy and I will talk about our experience with Bill Murray and the Blood Brothers. We'll be back.

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All right, one word to describe your experience with Bill Murray and the Blood Brothers.

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Entertaining is a good word for it. I would have put interesting. It was funny. It was funny, and not in like a laugh out loud way, like where Bill was, you know, hamming it up out there on the stage, although he did do that at times.

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I will share with you that the Blood Brothers, I saw the advertisement for Bill Murray and the Blood Brothers pop up on my Instagram because I follow, I think, Variety Playhouse, which is a local playhouse here. It's exactly what it sounds like. It's a concert venue and playhouse. It's very famous. It's down in Little Five Points, which is like the hate Ashbury of our town.

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That's the best way to explain it. Little mom and pop stores, head shops, you know, used clothing stores. You know, every town has this little corner where all the alternative kids go and hang out. And while Little Five Points certainly has its fair share of yuppies, too, that go down there because it's just Little Five Points is a great place to go and hang out. They've got some great dive bars.

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Listen, I know I knocked your analyzing of the game a little bit, but what's a little criticism amongst friends? I'm trying to make you better. I'm trying to help. What I would really like is just an invite to that island you live on, whatever that place is. I think it was that, you know, I went down to the Brady Isle. That's right. I'd like to go down to Brady Isle for a couple of days.

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It is generally known as the counterculture section of our town. It has remained that way while the rest of the town has blown up with incredibly expensive properties. So we love Little Five Points.

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Always love Little Five Points. You lived down there for a while. I lived down there for a while, about a mile down the street in East Atlanta, which is also another kind of counterculture favorite here in Atlanta. For older people. So when you're in your teens and 20s, you hang out in little five points. When you get into your 30s, then you move over to East Atlanta. That's right.

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And then when you get into your 40s and 50s, you move to the Virginia Highlands. That's the way it works, okay? If you're single and you don't have children, that's how it happens. That's what you do in Atlanta. That's where you go. And if you're rich, you stay in Buckhead. Stay up there. Go to Buckhead. Nah. Nanny nanny boo boo. All right.

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So we see this advertisement pop up, and it's like two days before Christmas. And I decide, Blood Brothers is right. My entire family loves Bill Murray. My dad has kind of like put us in front of the TV to watch Bill Murray when we were kids. And I remember my dad laughing out loud at a lot of Bill Murray stuff.

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He is. And I think of Bill Murray when I think of Chicago. I think of Chicago Cubs. He's often there at the games, you know, sometimes singing. Yeah. The seventh inning stretch. Bill is an interesting character who doesn't have a phone number. who doesn't, oh, he has an email address, but it's Yahoo, so we already talked about that one. He's a guy who's like hard to get a hold of.

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He's a very interesting human being. He shows up at random weddings, at bars. I've had friends that have met him in like random places. He will literally crash weddings. He like lives in Charleston, has some property there, and he will crash weddings in Charleston. He'll show up and be the guest of honor. I mean, he's just that guy. He loves a good party. He loves a good time. He goes out there.

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He experiences the world. You know, with every artist comes drama, and I don't want to get into that part necessarily, but when I see Bill Murray and the Blood Brothers, I think we have to go do this. We have to go see Bill Murray in person in a tiny little venue called the Variety Playhouse. It fits about a thousand people. This is going to be fun regardless.

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There's one of two things that are going to happen musically. It's going to be a total shit show, or we're going to be blown away at the musical prowess of Bill Murray and his Blood Brothers. So my dad and my brothers and I were all going to go. Christmas present that I gave to everybody. But my dad, unfortunately, had something else to do. And so he told us well in advance that we couldn't go.

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And while I tried to sell the ticket, it didn't happen for this reason or that reason. And the day of, I'm sitting here with Chrissy and I'm like, you heard it on air.

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You actually gave me. Bill Murray merch one time for my birthday. You gave me a candle with Bill Murray on it. You also gave me a magnet that still sits on my refrigerator today from Stripes. Bill Murray Stripes magnet. Okay, so you get it. We're Bill Murray fans.

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So we all meet down there at the Variety Playhouse a couple of nights ago, and we go into the venue, and there is an opening band to which we don't see a lot of. What's that name? Tisha Mingo?

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Tisha Mingo.

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I know. I was familiar with the name. Mm-hmm. Because they, like, traveled around playing the Brandy House here many, many years ago.

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If you could loan me $100,000 that before you die, I promise I will do my best to pay back. And could I borrow the watch for a few days? I'll bring it back just how I found it. But probably it will be like something I bought off a Somali pirate in Barcelona. Listen, Tom, we're buds. We know each other. Well, I invite you to come on the commercial break. Let me tell you about this.

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Yeah, they were playing acoustically up there. Whatever, like, no one, it didn't seem, the crowd didn't seem too excited about that. And I wondered why, because I thought, well, we're going into a Bill Murray concert. I expected the crowd to be really charged up and hip. Even though it was sold out, it wasn't very crowded. It was like we stood in the balcony and we had no problem finding space.

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And sometimes at the Variety Playhouse, that place gets packed. Like, human to human, you can't move. So either they purposefully didn't sell more tickets because that's the way that the band preferred it, or... A lot of people didn't show up. A lot of people bought tickets, but they just didn't show up. I would say if it holds a thousand people, there were probably 700 in the facility.

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That's my guess. But right in front of the stage is just open. There are no seats run in front of the stage. There's a good, you know, 40 by 100 foot square where you just there's nothing. People just stand there and it certainly is filled in there. So 15, 20 minutes go by after Tisha Mingo comes out. We're sitting there getting drinks, talking, laughing.

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And all of a sudden, Kid Rock shows up out of nowhere. And when I say Kid Rock, I mean you would have been... excused if you thought for one second that this guy wasn't Kid Rock. He was a doppelganger. And when I say a doppelganger, I'm talking down to the gold chains, the silly hat, and the damn glaringly white high tops. He was everything Kid Rock. Long, stringy hair and all.

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Redneck voice the whole nine yards. He came out and he's like, Y'all ready for Bill Murray and the Blood Brothers? I'll be right back! And we were like, oh, okay, cool. And the crowd did nothing. The crowd was like, woo.

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Well, as I start to look around, you know, Chrissy and I are talking as I start to look around, I realize the average age of the attendee here at the Bill Murray and the Blood Brothers event is 67 years old. Everybody's sitting around us. We're standing in the back in this empty space.

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There's seats, but there's like 10 rows of seats in the balcony and then just this big empty space where people can stand. Where they have tables, high tables. Yeah, bar tables. Mm-hmm. As I look into the crowd of those people that are sitting there, I realize they're not getting up because they can't. They don't have their walkers with them. It is unbelievable how old the crowd is.

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It is really old. Guys in suit shirts with ties.

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Yeah, or the what I call the Atlanta uniform, which is some kind of white shorts with a polo shirt, like a bright colored polo golf shirt tucked in and a big old brown belt with, you know, penny loafers on that is the Atlanta out uniform. And there are many older gentlemen wearing the Atlanta uniform, the Buckhead uniform. So now I realize, I get it.

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I'm putting my finger on the pulse of the crowd. The finger of the pulse of the crowd were guys my dad's age who wanted one last hurrah. Do you know what I'm saying? Let's call that drug dealer we haven't used in three or four months. Let's get away from the children that probably have already left the house because they're at college or whatever. Let's get some blow.

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Let's get a couple beers and let's go laugh at Bill Murray. Let's go have a good time with Bill Murray.

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That is the vibe of the crowd. Now, I'm not saying everybody at the crowd was like that because we brought the average age down probably by about 10 years. And that's saying something. When we walk into a room and bring the average age down by 10 years, you know it's an older crowd.

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But after like 10 or 15 minutes, after this guy says, we'll be back in just a few minutes, all of a sudden, the band starts walking out. And the band, the Blood Brothers, is a typical blues review band. That's what they are.

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There was double everything. Double guitars, double bass, double drummer, double keyboards, double harmonica. One saxophone. They should have had double saxophone because that guy was good.

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And they start playing a number of bluesy rock and roll tunes. I would say like Chicago blues is probably the best way to describe the kind of blues that they were playing. Just like a rock and roll-y type blues.

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It was good. It was good.

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I would say that anywhere else in America, this was a $10 cover band. Do you know what I'm saying? Like you would walk in, pay $10. This band happens to be playing at a bar that you like to go to. This would have been like a Northside Tavern band.

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This would have been a band you would have seen at a medium-sized bar. They would have been there on a Friday night. Really talented. Very good at what they do. But the music caters to a certain crowd. And that crowd is drunk and high on cocaine. That's what the music caters to. This is not, you're not seeing Chappelle Roan here, you know? Yeah. Okay. All right.

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I just want to, I don't want to knock the band, but I also want to be accurate about my description here. But some of the tunes are okay. They certainly know how to play their instruments. And one drummer is playing rather well. He's got one drummer and he's going, but there's another drum set.

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And in between the drum set, there's a set of congos, like the big, you know, the big bongos, excuse me, the big bongo drums. Yes. So after the first song is played, I'm like, where's Bill Murray? We're all thinking.

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Let me stop talking about Tom here because I'd like to talk about something. that I heard in the podcast news. There is a rather well-known podcaster, not going to name her because I'm not here to talk shit about other creators, and I'm not here to step on other creators' game, however that game may be played. But there are a number of ways you can make money in this industry.

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Because he's fat. Yeah. Bill got fat. The keyboard player is huge. Now he's wearing glasses and he's got a bald spot. And we're going through the members of the band, all of which are of a certain age, except for one of them. And it's like, is that him? Is that him? Is that him? But none of them are him. And we're like, where is Bill Murray?

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When the second song starts, now Bill and the second drummer come out, and Bill starts doing the bongos, like, one hand at a time. When I say rhythmless, he's kind of getting it right, but it's clear there's probably no microphone to those bongos. He's hitting it like...

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He's hitting it very slowly, and he keeps looking back at one of the drummers, I think in hopes that the drummer would give him some kind of cue, like, yeah, you're doing good, or yeah, get on this beat, or do that, and the drummer keeps pointing to him, and he's picking up different percussion instruments, like the washboard, or the cowbell, or whatever, tambourines.

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The cheese grater type thing. Well, you know, if you had had it on your chest, it would be called a washboard. But I don't know. And you can barely hear it. It's there, but you can barely hear it. When he plays the tambourine, you can hear it. But the room's small enough that you could hear the tambourine anyway, even if there was no microphone. There was no amplification to it.

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Basically, you quickly realize the following. Somewhere at some point in Chicago, Charleston, New Orleans, wherever these Blood Brothers come from, wherever they were, Bill took a liking to them. He saw them and he loved the band. He was drunk. I don't know. I don't know if Bill drinks or does drugs. He was in some state of musical euphoria about the Blood Brothers.

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And afterwards, he approached and said, you guys are great. I love you guys. To which they say, fantastic. You are one of the three people in the crowd tonight. And Bill says, I can change your fortunes. So here's the deal. Why don't we go on tour? You can put my name on the bill. I'll take the private plane. You take the U-Haul truck. I'll stay at the Ritz Carlton.

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Could not be prouder to have our little bundle of joy, Bobby Joe Alexis, here today with us. Just a proud mama here, teaching Bobby Joe Alexis the ins and outs of local broadcast news. Fuck you, bitch. Fuck you, bitch. Sounds like someone's going to have to put a quarter in the swear jar.

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I'll see you at the Red Roof Inn. You guys load in. I'll show up five minutes before the show starts. You guys keep most of the money. I've got that movie cash. I've got that Yahoo cash from commercials. Don't worry about it. He made a deal with them. to say, I will help you sell tickets.

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He looks like he has a great time. Listen, the guy's 74 years old. First of all, he dresses smartly for a 74-year-old. He doesn't try and dress like he's 22. He doesn't try and dress like, you know, most 72 year olds, which they have a uniform, too, you know, like dress pants, you know, socks and shoes and some kind of, you know, stuffy shirt. He had like some weird colored shirt on.

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Some flared pants, linen flared pants that looked really good. Like he looked good. The guy looked good for 74 years old. And he did sing three or four songs, including the very famous cover of Like a Rolling Stone that now everybody has seen on the Internet from some other appearance they made.

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And he sang it the exact same way, which is more like it's like Bill Murray doing Bill Shatner singing a song. Do you know what I'm saying? That's the vibe that I got.

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but it wasn't the worst thing i had ever heard in my life no it was fun and i think i was having a fun time with you and the brothers that's what it was it was a good time with the brothers chrissy and i were dancing we were making fun of everybody else dancing we were having fun with bill bill was pointing and doing shenanigans when he was when he was not singing he was not trying to be the center of attention when he was singing he was the center of attention

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You could sell subscriptions like Chrissy and I once did. I think we got to a total subscriber count of three. Yeah. Two of which were my family members. So I think we got three subscribers. We quickly threw that idea out the window because we didn't want to make more content that wasn't going to be consumed. Why do that?

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So he knew his place in the band, too. So you got to give him respect for that. He knew that these guys were the guys that are talented. I'm just here to sell the tickets. And if I'm the band, that's a deal I'm taking every day of the week. Of course. Because most blues bands are not going to see... 5,000-seat venues sold out night after night after night.

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It's just not a form of music that's extraordinarily popular right now. So these guys have a real leg up on a lot of other blues musicians in that Bill is willing to put his name on the bill and probably gives all the money.

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Oh, he's going to sell tickets. He sold out both nights here in Atlanta. I will say this. The crowd was kind of a dud. You went into the bathroom and you heard somebody talking about their cataracts.

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Usually it's cocaine, not cataracts we're talking about in the bathroom of a concert. But, you know, so the crowd was a bit of a dud. It wasn't the most hyped crowd.

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I spent a couple minutes down on the floor. I just didn't hear the crowd really, like, you know, getting that much. Like, you know, sometimes you can tell when a crowd has a lot of energy. That wasn't in the room. But it was also a Thursday night, you know, in Atlanta. Maybe it was just the night. Maybe it was the vibe. Maybe it was the age. I don't know. But I will say...

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There were a few guys in front of us that clearly had gotten a hold of something. You know, those reels where it's like when the Molly kicks in or when the LSD kicks in, you could tell because they stood up out of their seats and all of a sudden they were staring at the wall. There was one guy who was like staring at the ceiling and standing up and you knew the Molly just hit.

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That's what you knew. You can see it. And he was probably 62 years old. And there were other guys that were dancing. I mean, it was just like... It was entertaining. The crowd was entertaining.

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If you need entertainment, I would encourage you to do the following. Go to the local bar that's been around for a long time, where the average age is into their 60s. Because those are human beings, too. And they've lived a lot of life. And they're just trying to shake a couple more good nights out of their bodies. And they...

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are hilarious they need your attention they need your entertainment they're not dead yet the boomers aren't dead yet and they're letting us know from the villages to the bill murray to the blood brothers show they're letting us know they're here they're queer and they aren't going anywhere nowhere whatsoever

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I had a great time. I had a great time.

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Plus, it was the first time you and I had been out without kids or Astrid in 10 years.

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Astrid couldn't go because she was watching the kids, by the way. That sounded kind of weird. Astrid, I love you. First time we had been out, you and I, on an adventure in a decade.

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In a decade. And, man, was it a lot of fun.

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Yeah, they're great. Most of them are great, aren't they?

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Yeah, no, we had a good time. Blood Brothers saw the Blood Brothers.

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Actually, it's bloodbrothers.com. Bill Murray, because that's what you expect. But if he comes to your town, it's a relatively cheap ticket if you're not buying it on the secondary market, and it's two hours of entertainment.

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It wasn't very long. It was an hour and a half, two hours. They knew. They knew the crowd out there couldn't handle much. Right. Yeah. The encore was happy birthday, by the way. Which was the funniest part to me. I was like, okay, let's go. Roll them up. Roll them up. All right. Thank you to Ari Shaffer for coming in this week.

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Oh, yeah, that's true. We were just doing one show a week. And then we were trying to put together a second show and struggling mightily to put that second show together. If four days a week is an indication of just how terrible we are at this show. We don't do this because we want to. We do it because we need it to sell to advertisers. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Kind of. So, yeah.

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We would appreciate it if you'd go check out his new special, America's Sweetheart. What an interesting and engaging conversation we had with Ari.

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Couldn't have been a nicer guy. Honestly, could not have been a nicer guy. And he changed my perspective a little bit.

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You Be Trippin' is much better than this podcast, so go check it out. I'll put a link in the show notes for you. AriShafir.com for tickets and access to his new special, which is available on Netflix if you're a subscriber for free. Go watch it. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, we take them all right there. Text us. We'll respond to you.

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We'd love to hear from you. Or leave us a voicemail, and you could be the next voice on the commercial break. Leave us a short voicemail. Don't get into it. A minute or two. Max. Max. At the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok, TCB podcast.com. All the audio, all the video right there on the website and your free sticker and youtube.com slash the commercial break.

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For all the videos the same day they air here on the audio. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

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But I'll tell you that I love you. And I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye. If you got a softie in your brain, you're gonna have a softie in your pants. You know what I'm saying?

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So there's a subscription base. You can do that. There is the advertising model, which we subscribe to because it doesn't require you, the listener, to take any additional action except for listen to the sponsors. And quite frankly, for now, I think that's the best way to do it because it's not a heavy lift. It's not a heavy lift for the listeners. It's not a heavy lift for us.

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We just, you know, read some advertisements on occasion, companies that we would do business with or do do business with. Then there is the model where you can have a business that you sell to the audience, like a course or a manual or merch or whatever. We call that pitching your audience. You can pitch your audience for whatever it is you want to sell to them and then make a cut off that.

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That certainly is another business model. Then there's the business model where you have adjunct content that then you sell to streamers, like some – Murder mystery podcasts, true crime podcasts, they will sell their ideas to Netflix and to the streamers.

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Yeah, and we're in one of those. We have what's called a 360 contract with our talent agency, which means that any adjunct stuff that would happen, they would be responsible for pitching and getting a cut of or whatever. But what adjunct material is going to be made from the commercial break? No. A series on Brian's 15 minutes with Chopper Johnson? I don't think anybody's buying that.

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Though it would be a good series, and I should write it. I should write a series based on my time with Chopper Johnson. Actually, that might be funny. Huh, I got an idea now. Anyway, so those are the ways that you can make money, and there's probably other ways that I'm not thinking about.

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But one of the ways that I had never thought about, but I had heard sometimes happens, is selling space on your show in the form of guesting. So charging a guest to come on and be in front of your audience. Now, where does this make sense? You're probably saying to yourself, why would, you know, I don't know, Ari Shaffir pay the commercial break to come on? Well, he doesn't, clearly.

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You know, I mean, quite frankly, it would be the other way around if it was anything. We would have to pay Ari to come on our show. But to make it clear, we do not pay for guests. They do not pay us. Because if they did or if we did, I would have to tell you that because that is what the FCC requires.

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If this is a commercial, if time has been paid for and you are actively pitching something, anything out there, the FCC requires now, it always has, but now it's coming down hard on creators. It requires that you indicate that that is what is going on inside of the episode. Yes. So that is why when you hear me read a commercial, I don't have to do this, but I do.

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So this episode is sponsored by Chrissy Hoadley.

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Yeah, thank you. I need the check before we air this, but I'll let you know that. 10 fucking buckaroos.

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CEOs of companies, senior vice presidents of companies, marketing various products or services, I'm sure, to people like B2B businesses and stuff like that, I think is where that would probably make the most sense. I don't think you go on and sell like, you know, air mattresses.

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on any podcast, right? You would do that inside of commercial time because you're not going to just accept the guy from Purple coming on here and talking for an hour about his mattresses. You're probably going to tune that out real quick. So it probably makes sense to sit down. And I also don't want to, like, again, I don't want to bust on any other creator's

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you know, modes of making cash because it's really hard to make money in this business. And so if that's the way that you do it, fine. But I think the big rub is, I think what the podcast periodical that I was reading is trying to point out is there's no indication that that's what's going on inside of the show. No one's saying that out loud.

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And so in fact, it's one long commercial, but no one tells you that it's one long commercial.

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Yes. Now I went and listened to an episode and it's clear there are, I think there are a lot of guests on this show and I'm not a hundred percent sure every single one of them paid to be on because some of the guests, I don't think they would have to pay to be on. And I don't think that that's the game.

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And I, again, I'm not going to get into specifics, but some of them, it's clear that they are pitching a service and that the host is going along with the most rosy eyed version of

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what's going on.

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They're essentially blowing smoke up the ass of the guest, which we also do. But again, we don't pay anybody to do that. We're just nice people. We just like to be nice. I don't like confrontation, okay? Except unless it's you, the listener, and I'm just yelling in the microphone. That's the kind of confrontation I like, the one where you can't talk back to me.

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But this just got me thinking, wow, $10,000 an episode. Imagine if we made $10,000 an episode for a guest to come in here. I mean, we do like 6,000 episodes a year. Carry the one forward to zero times six. We would be making $600 a year. That's how it would work. Yeah. $10,000 an episode. That's a lot. It is a lot. It is a lot of money.

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As I was saying, for protests at Tina Tannin Tweez, as more people have presented symptoms from a listeria outbreak due to a shrimp dip served inside of the waxing room over there at Tina Tannin Tweez. Unfortunate incident all around. We had an opportunity to talk to Tina. And she said the green coloring on the shrimp was part of the recipe. Local health officials are investigating the incident.

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And you must be, they must have a really good audience that buys all kinds of shit.

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There's no indication anywhere inside of the episode that this is a bought and paid for episode. It's like those commercials you see after Good Morning America.

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What did I used to call that at Clear Channel? I made up a word. Oh, advertorial. An advertorial. An advertising editorial. It's like, it feels like it's organic. But wait, why is she so excited about that brand new egg beater at two o'clock in the afternoon? Oh, because it's a whole commercial for the egg beater.

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But it looks like your local newswoman who's just telling you about great products and services that you need to know about. But no, it's all paid for. It's bought and paid for by the people who are featured on that showcase. That's how it is. But now on television, you will clearly see at the bottom somewhere, even in tiny print, this content bought and paid for by whomever.

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You hear this on radio a lot on the weekends, like on talk radio. You'll hear a tax guy talking about tax implications today.

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you know giving you some content that's actually good for you like that makes sense like oh i could use that tip or i could use that trick or whatever but then they're telling you to call their office to make sure that they you know you implement that the right way by using their service okay got it but again there's always an indication that it's being that that time is bought and paid for that here there is no indication and it's you know i'd say it's ruffling some feathers

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It is illegal. Yes, it is illegal. It is illegal by the FCC standards. Well, let's put it this way. It's against the FCC rules. You can be fined. Even when you're a podcaster and you're not using public airwaves to do this, you can still get fined if you're misleading people as to the nature of what's going on. So interesting to follow up on and just to let you know.

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The commercial break is now open for business when it comes to guesting. If you have a business and you would like to pay us to be on air, no shame in our game, especially if you have a private plane company, a travel company, a... What else do you need, Chrissy? What do you need? A private driver. Private driver company. What are you looking for, Tina? New socks on a daily basis. A sock company.

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Yes. Very surprising turn of events. It doesn't surprise me that it's happening.

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it surprised me who it was. And then it surprised me that this has been going on without any counter indication that that was going on.

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Would you be bothered if your favorite podcast then came on and announced that all the people we have had on have been paying us to be on?

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Okay, very strong opinion there.

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Okay. No, it's not that. It's not celebrity. It's not like we have comedians and celebrities and stuff like that. It is definitely almost all business-oriented, life-coaching-oriented, get-your-shit-together-oriented. It's one of these rah-rah, sis-boom-bah, wake up in the morning and start your day off right. Unlike the commercial break.

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TCB, Your Undercover Lovers!

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No. You listen to us at the end of the day when your life is miserable and you know it. Do you know what I'm saying? That's when you listen to the commercial break. You're like, okay, I listened to what Mel, whatever Robbins in the morning and I'm listening to the commercial break. Now they realize that Mel is full of shit. My life's always going to suck. Brian will commiserate with me. Yeah.

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TCB, Your Undercover Lovers!

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Ryan will let me know what the skinny is. Yes, I will. I'm not going to sugarcoat it, kids. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. Life sometimes can be funny. And it's not always roses. I'm just sharing that with you. But just know that at least we're not paying anybody. At least no one's paying us to be on the show. When I say no one, I mean no one. No one is paying us to be on the show. Not yet.

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TCB, Your Undercover Lovers!

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So far, five people have died. Dear God, Bobby Joe. Bobby Joe, I'm taking away your access to Disney+. I knew that Taylor Swift was no good. And now on with traffic. That's it, Bobby Joe. You are not getting any more Peppa Pig plates. Bobby Joe, Alexis McKenzie Smith. We're going to take a short break and then we'll be back to this episode of the commercial break. Fuck.

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But we're looking forward to that day. We're going to start a second show called The Commercial Breaks. And it's just going to be all commercials is what it's going to be. And then you can listen to it. I'll just beg you to go listen to it, just so we can get some listeners, so we can get people to pay.

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TCB, Your Undercover Lovers!

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I thought about, for a long time, before we had actual commercials, I thought about doing my own funny pretend commercials. I thought that would be the commercial breaks inside the commercials. But we never did that, right? Never. We never put parody commercials in there. We did bits at the beginning of the show. That took a lot of time, energy, and effort.

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12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa

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This episode of The Commercial Break is sponsored by Ring. The holidays are almost here, and between traveling, hosting family, and finding the perfect gift, it's such an exciting, busy, and yes, sometimes stressful time. Ring helps you stay connected to the home for all the merry moments, even when you're on the go. With Ring, you've got the whole home covered.

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12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa

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We're taking $20 per post. Chrissy will sit in the studio for the rest of the day and do nothing but Instagram posts. Taylor Swift is number 12. This is surprising to me. I would have thought she would have been much higher on the list. But T Swift, with over 285 million Instagram followers, you can get her to mention your shit for $1.6 million. There's another one.

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I know it's not Christina's favorite musician in the world, but there's another one where I think the rubber would meet the road. Because unbelievably, most of our audience is female. Or maybe not believable. Maybe totally believably, most of our audience is female. Kendall Jenner is number 11 with $1.75 million to make a post. I can understand that. Kendall's very beautiful and popular.

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290 million followers. Justin Bieber. The Biebs? The Biebs, even though you don't hear a lot about the Biebs anymore.

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He just had a baby? Yeah, Ian Haley. What do you think about the Biebs and Diddy? Do you think Biebs is like a victim of Diddy?

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There's so much speculation.

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I'm not going to talk about that.

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But I'm just curious. I'm so curious to see how this all plays out. And obviously that's his private business. If he chooses never to share anything about Diddy, that's on him, right?

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But it seems if you go back and watch a lot of those interactions that are public, like ones that were videotaped, him on Ellen and stuff like that, it seems highly suspicious the way that Diddy is acting toward Justin Bieber. But Justin, lick your wounds with $1.75 million every time you post on behalf of somebody else. Khloe Kardashian.

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Ooh, Khloe being the highest paid of the, or maybe not the highest paid, but one of the highest paid. What about Kim? We're going to get there, I'm sure.

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305 million Instagram followers, $1.85 million for a mention from her. Beyonce comes in at $1.9 million at number eight. Number seven is Kim, 2.1 million. The queen will always be the queen. 359 million Instagram followers. If that doesn't tell the aliens all they need to know about life on Earth in 2024, then I don't know what will. Ariana Grande comes in at $2.25 million. 377 million followers.

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12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa

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As the great Clark Griswold once said, Holy shit, where's the Tylenol? Find it quick and join us this entire holiday season for brand new episodes of the

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12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa

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That's probably going to go up after that turn in Wicked. The Wicked. Yeah. Dwayne Johnson, guys. The Rock. Are we really going to pay The Rock this much money for a fucking advertisement? $2.3 million. People are paying it, yeah. Here's a Voswater mention that he did. Voswater has been a staple in my life for over a decade.

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For $19.99 plus $19.99 shipping and handling, I'll send you Voss water straight from my own refrigerator. So much after, oh, he acquired a stake in the company. That's how you do it. You do it right. I'm telling you this. You do it the Shaquille O'Neal way. You know what Shaquille O'Neal did when he started getting famous and people were like, I want you to pitch my product.

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I want you to pitch my product. I'll pay you money to pitch my product. He said, no. I'll tell you what. You know what you can do? You give me a piece of the company.

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You give me a stake of the company. And now he owns like a stake in Foot Locker.

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Krispy Kreme. That fucking car insurance commercial that I can't stand. The General.

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Domino's or some shit like that. Isn't he the new CEO of Domino's or something? Didn't that bonehead go away? Kylie Jenner. Oh, Kylie Jenner gets paid more than Kim.

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Uh-huh. Kylie Jenner comes in at $2.4 million. She's got $423 million. Okay, here's the top three. You ready? Selena Gomez, $2.6 million. Good for her. With 423 million followers. I like Selena.

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12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa

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uh leo messi comes in at number two messi and ronaldo at the top that's it 2.6 million dollars he's doing a uh what commercial is this oh he did a lays potato chip commercial i think like selling your soul to lays uh cristiano ronaldo you tell your soul for 2.5 or whatever i was 2.5 you would hawk some lays yes it's

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12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa

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With one zero behind it, $2.50, and I would be doing Lays commercials all day long. I am not too proud.

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12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa

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Here's my thing about, like I was talking to one of our network representatives the other day. That sounds important. It does sound important, doesn't it?

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12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa

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Which means Brian is incessantly emailing the sales team, wondering when the next dollar is going to come in the door. What's that check coming? Hey, it's been an hour. Is that check here yet? So I was talking with this guy and he said, can you do me a favor for one of our sponsors? Of course I can. And he said, oh, it's so nice and refreshing to have that kind of attitude.

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12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa

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And I said, well, what else happened? What, that's going to be a dick? No. About you bringing money in the door? And here's my opinion about sponsorship. Well, I know most people don't like to listen to ads or watch ads. I'm one of those people, too. The truth is, is that's the reason why we can do 12 Days of GCD. Yes. It's because they're sponsors who pay us to do it.

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12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa

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I mean, they pay us to support our creation of that content. And since we don't take sponsors who we don't, you know, use or would use, then what's... Honestly, that's the way people communicate their products, right? That's how they get the word out there.

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12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa

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And that's why... Okay, and now let's look at the least paid influencers of 2020. That's just everyone sitting in this room.

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12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa

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Okay, so... Let's see here. They're called nano-influencers. Let's see how much Big Ed gets paid per post. Oh, yeah. Big Ed paid per post.

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Listen, we used to say this on Clubhouse when we were incessantly babbling on that stupid fucking app forever during the pandemic. We used to say there's riches and niches, bitches, because there is riches and niches. Here's how I liken it to. If you want to advertise on the commercial break, you can probably advertise anything. I mean, most things, right?

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There's some things I don't think you'd want to advertise, like kids products or Disney toys or whatever. But you can advertise insurance, beer. you know, online sports betting. You can advertise anything because our listeners are listening to a very broad topics when there's topics at all. When there's content at all, Brian's doing.

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But let's say you have a model train podcast or a model train Instagram. When you do that, there might be a model train store out there that sells expensive model trains to people that one customer could spend $5,000, $6,000, $10,000 on those model trains. So for you, paying $1,000 to get at those 10 or 15 people that watch the Instagram feed or listen to the posts might be well worth it.

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Where if you're advertising on the commercial break, paying $5 to be here for six months on our show might not be worth it. It's a math game. You've got to figure it all out. Big Ed gets paid. Are you ready for this? Yes. Well, I'm very curious. Business videos. Business videos?

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He's doing business videos.

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Oh, yes. This reminds me.

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Yes, the sales guy. Who was that?

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What was his name? He was fantastic. We had him on for a while. We're going to find him. Maybe we'll put him on. Maybe we'll check in with him. We do. Okay, business videos where you can do business with Ed. What kind of business? $1,000 per post. I don't know. He's on that cameo like everybody else.

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Yeah, that's what he does. Listen, Big Ed last year made $250,000 on cameo alone. Really? $250,000 on cameo.

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Listen, I love Big Ed, and if I could play it here on the commercial break, I would pay for it all day long. But as I mentioned the other day, I can't. Angela's on there. Angela made 100 grand. Angela. Soulja Boy. Angela. Soulja Boy. Angela. Soulja Boy coming at you live from Nigeria, man. $5.25 per post, man. Do business with Soulja Boy.

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12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa

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Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, 90 Day Fiancé. Nothing anyone under 60 is going to understand. We got our own language too, Christina.

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12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa

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He's done 1200 of these soldier boy. He has not been on TLC in at least three years. And soldier boy is doing that's $56,000. He made this year alone, uh, Telling people happy birthday for being on 90 Day Fiancé. Fuck you. Fuck it all. We're giving up. 12 days of TCB. My ass, we're cutting it short.

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Oh, yes, I do.

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12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa

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Apparently. Hi, cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Ray. This is the Ellen to my Clark. Kristen Joy Holdley. Best to you, Kristen.

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9,000 days after.

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That's right. 90 days, 9,000 days after.

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I think in the right producer's hands, this could be a goldmine of reality trash.

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Exactly.

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For sure. Number one. Number two. I think I've blown my chances to be on TLC after I told the girl who brought Pimple Popper to the TLC networks that her show was shit.

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12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa

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Yeah, I pissed off the TLC executives. Well, that's one of many. All right, let's take a break, and when we get back, Santa porn. We'll be back. Oh, God.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. 12 days of TCB day number what the fuck ever. Who cares? Welcome back. We appreciate it. Happy holidays to you and yours, whatever it is you choose to celebrate. We choose to celebrate financial stability. So you get 12 episodes of the commercial break and you get 12 episodes of the commercial break and you get 12 episodes of the commercial break.

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12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa

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All right, Chrissy, what do you want Santa to bring you for Christmas?

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How about a long, hard cock?

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Well, I mean, you know, depends on who's dressed up like Santa, right?

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I guess, at the end of the day.

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Ho, ho, ho your ass up on that bed.

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Oh, okay. Well, to your mind, but all right. Sometimes she shares nothing and sometimes she shares everything, folks. Depends on what kind of mood she comes in the door. All right. So I don't know. Don't ask me how I got on this. But somehow through the magic of my social algorithm, somebody was reading Santa Erotica. Yeah. I was like, is this a thing? And oh, yes, it is.

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Santa Claus erotica. Now, I got to imagine that that white beard and that big belly just turned a lot of people on. I'm assuming that the thought of bringing you a special package under the trees.

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12 Days Of TCB: Sexy Santa

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Their video doorbells alert you when gifts arrive, And you can even chat with the delivery people to let them know where to leave the packages. The indoor cam, it's a game changer. So easy to set up. You can use it to check in on your pets when you're away. And with two-way talk, you can even talk to them.

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Oh, that's true.

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But I think the joke is Santa Claus was dad, right? You know what I'm saying? Oh. Like from the child's perspective, I saw Mommy Kissing. Chrissy goes, oh, really? Now I'm thinking about that song in a whole different way. I think that song might be the reason why I started suspecting that Santa Claus was not, in fact, real. Is that I was like, wait, hold on one sec. Santa Claus erotica is real.

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It is alive and well. It is in the dark corners of the Internet. And yes, I have found it.

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And what is her Sabrina Carpenter?

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Thanks for joining us. We appreciate it. Uh, Chrissy, the other day you surprised me with a fact about Cristiano Ronaldo.

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Sabrina Carpenter.

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Well, listen, for a cool $2.6 million, we can get Sabrina to mention our show along with her Christmas polling. Okay, here we go. You ready? A little sample of Christmas erotica from out there. This is by a person. I don't want to steal their content, so I want to make sure that I'm shouting out that this is on Lit Erotica, and this is by the author R. Beamer. R. Beamer.

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Probably the real name, probably not. Okay, here we go. You wake up with a start. A startle, I'm assuming, is what they meant to write. Was that a sound you heard? You roll over to look at the clock. 1103, Christmas Eve. Not a creature was stirring. You look out the... What are we going for? There's a lot of flavors going on in this first paragraph.

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You look out of the bedroom door and notice a light was left on. Must have missed it when we went to bed. You get up, silent and slow as not to wake your partner, and pad softly into the living room to turn out the light. You are surprised to see a man in the living room. He has his back to you and is placing his presence under your tree. Santa, you ask slowly.

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He straightens up quickly and turns with a jerk, his fingers held to his lips. Well, hello, dear, he says quietly. Shouldn't you be in bed with your pasty nipples? I'm kidding. His blue eyes look over you and suddenly you're conscious of what you are. He's conscious of what you are wearing. And it's not much. A pink satin buttoned up pajama shirt that just barely hides your red panties.

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As they call him, CR7, being the highest paid influencer in all the land. Yes. At $303.23 million per post, per mention. And I thought to myself, you know, we could give ourselves the gift of followers this Christmas season if we could just get somebody. Yeah. like Cristiano Ronaldo to mention us on their Instagram.

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It's a chill.

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Yes. What? Pink satin. Pink? Yeah.

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Pink satin, red panties, button-up pajama shirt. It's a little chilly and your perky nipples are pressing through your shiny top. Wait, you're wearing flannel? Okay, I don't get it, but all right. I'm just going to roll with it. He wrote it. I didn't. He doesn't look at all like the traditional Santa Claus you see everywhere this time of year.

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He's wearing a red velvet coat and a hat, of course, but he's also wearing black leather pants, heavy black boots, and a red satin shirt. He looks to be in his 50s and he's not fat at all. He seems to be fairly good shape for his age. You figure this makes sense considering all he has to do on this evening. His hair is silver gray, his beard short and a little wild. His eyes sparkle with delight.

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He's just the sexiest Santa you've ever seen. I heard a sound, so I arose from my bed to see what was the matter. Are you really Santa Claus? Of course, my dear. He laughs a little in spite of himself. Have you been a good girl this year? I've tried to be, but I might end up being on the naughty list. That's okay, my dear. Some people move from the nice to the naughty list and back all the time.

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Strange. It looks like the clock is a little slow. But Santa, I never had a chance to tell you what I wanted for Christmas. This is not entirely true. You tried to visit at least one mall Santa every year. You like to flirt with the Santa and make him a little uncomfortable as your husband takes pictures. He likes it too. Oh, it's a cuckolding Santa fantasy. I love it. Yeah.

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Well, then, what would you like Santa to bring you this year? Another eye twinkle. This man is starting to turn on you. Should I be sitting in your lap from this as you give him a wicked smile? Of course, my dear. Santa makes his way to the couch, sits down and pats his knee. You slink over knowing... He is watching your body move under your silky top.

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You sit down on his legs and feel the smooth, cool leather on your hot cheeks. You put your knees together in your hands and your lap. You start to list all the things you would like Santa to bring you, but it's pretty clear they are things for other people to get. Your friends, your family, all the people you love. I can see you're a giving person and you care for others more than yourself.

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That's a great way to stay on the nice list. But what can I do for you, young lady? Santa's blue eyes stare deeply into your green eyes. He holds your gaze for several heartbeats. You feel your private parts start to tingle and warm. Your pussy is getting excited and wet. Very excited indeed, you think to yourself. I'm going to give Santa Claus a huge present.

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You reach up, gently slide his stocking cap from your head and run your fingers through his long, thick, gray hair. You scratch his beard lightly with your long fingernails. You reach down and take his hand. He's wearing a soft leather glove. You pull at all the fingers, removing the glove from his right hand. You place his fingers on your lips, never breaking eye contact.

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You start to kiss his fingertips and then you lick them slowly like the disgusting human that you are. You slowly insert fingers into your mouth and then suck on them gently, rolling your tongue around and getting them soaked with your saliva. I'm already grossed out. I know.

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His cheeks start to flush, his breathing getting shallow, and he moves his pelvis underneath you, obviously becoming uncomfortable. But he doesn't break the stare. You spread your legs a bit, fit the bottom of your nightshirt and guide your wet fingers into your panties. You press them against you and hot and slowly rub them into your slot. His strong feet.

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Yes, we would have to do 12 days of TCB for another 120 years to get to $3.2 million by my math. So I thought there's got to be somebody out there, someone that would do this for us. Let me see. Maybe we can't get CR7, but maybe we could get someone in that neighborhood that would be willing and able to give us a mention on their Instagram. Right.

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Fingers take over and you grind your ass on his legs. His fingers part your lips and enter your velvet canal. They find your button, pinch it and tease it. You arch your back with pleasure and suddenly you're moaning hysterically. Strong fingers probe deeper. Suddenly you orgasm. It's gentle, easy, but very intense. Visions of sugar plums dance in your head.

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You relax after waves of pleasure have passed and lay your head on Santa's chest, still quivering and shivering with delight. Santa pets and strokes your silky hair as you recover from this passionate experience. But you know it isn't over. Okay, I'm going to skip over this one.

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Yes, that's what I'm going to skip over. Let's fast forward. You remove your mouth from his throbbing hard-on, stand slowly and drop your sopping panties to the floor. I would like to go for a ride on your sleigh this Christmas, you say, and then lick his earlobes and gently massage his head. Of course, my dear, you've earned it.

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You are suddenly concerned with the amount of time Santa has spent with you, and you're worried about all the others he'll need to visit tonight. But you look at the clock, and it's still 1103. The magic of Christmas. That's how he does it. You say to yourself, I love you, Santa Claus. I love you, too. Ho, ho, ho. You people are disgusting. You disgust me with your filth.

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You've defiled Santa Claus. Santa and Christmas Eve. Kris Kringle has been torn apart by your throbbing slot.

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Velvet Canal. That was my favorite. The Velvet Canal. As you shiver and quiver. Ah. This is amazing. People will literally get horny over anything.

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Oh, yeah.

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This is proof. Santa Claus. Never in my wildest dreams, I imagine. I mean, honestly, Santa Claus, he's kind of like the epitome of goodness and richness and wholeness. And we've just made it impossible for anybody to think about Santa in the same way again. How...

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sick do you need to be to sit around imagining that santa claus is gonna you're gonna ride santa claus's sleigh on christmas eve i mean that said we did read one time that people want to had dolphin fantasies i know and dragons and dragons and aliens are pretty that's a pretty common theme yeah Watch any hentai. That's pretty vanilla.

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Hentai is all dragon tentacles and octopus and going in and out of every orifice and ripping people apart. That shit's intense, by the way, hentai is. But I just thought I wanted to give you a taste of how unwell some of our fellow human beings are. Oh, I believe it. It's great.

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Yeah, it's all out there. Well, we'll get to that in Easter.

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Yeah, no, I know. You know, like I under like erotica is a huge thing.

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literature category erotica it's been forever and ever and ever there's like i think those books sell very well the ones that have intensely detailed descriptions of lovemaking they still sell like hotcakes and they're as evidenced by entire websites where people can write their own you know romantic porn essentially not all that well but great you know if i caught romantic but

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You've got to imagine if you pay Cristiano Ronaldo. Here's the thing. I went to TikTok yesterday. And I started looking at videos of CR7. I tried to find his actual TikTok account because I had heard via the Internet, via the Google AI, that he had 423 million followers on TikTok. But it is unbelievably difficult to actually find his real page on TikTok.

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You don't think that, I think that she was, he or she was trying to add a little romance in there. It wasn't as graphic. Listen, there were some choices that I made leading up to this. And I'm telling you right now, I went the route of safe. Okay. All right. Good. I went the route of safe.

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And I'm sorry if I ruined anyone's Christmas, but I just, if I'm going to know the world is so fucked up, I want to share that with the rest of you, especially during the 12 days of Christmas. Of course. Let it be known far and wide, Santa Claus, North Pole is not the only pole Santa Claus is. It's rubbing this year. You know what I'm saying?

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To be fair, I do remember when I was a kid and they still had magazines, you know. What's that? Girly magazines. What's that? We used to look at women on pieces of paper. What? With nipple pasties. I used to read the JCPenney catalog.

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The brassiere section. I mean, listen, you're impressionable when you're young. And the JCPenney catalog comes in the door at 12 years old. And there's girls in bras? Oh, my God. Forget it. Long before Victoria's Secret started sending out that stuff.

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But I will tell you this, when there were girly magazines around, I'm sure they still exist somewhere, but when there were girly magazines around, inevitably, every year during the holidays, behind that shitty little, you know, mini-mart cashier that you were getting your gas at, there would be Mrs. Claus in some kind of negligee. Oh, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, Santa...

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Maybe Santa is not the most popular version of erotica, but Mrs. Claus has certainly been bastardized by every man out there.

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Yeah. And that's a good time to remind everybody, 21 EPMs. Make sure you get all of your ejaculations in this Christmas month.

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Oh, yeah. Listen, house cleaning. Astrid heard our siren song about the browning of the 21 EPM stickers. The controversy currently gripping the web that our 21 EPM stickers are cheap and they don't last and they're turning brown. Well, they turn brown in the sun because they are environmentally friendly. They're eco-friendly. They're biodegradable.

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So we are – and we actually found this on their website that we found that because they're biodegradable – They're only going to last for a couple days and then they go away.

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Yeah, if you put them in the sun, which we have suggested that you do. If you put them in the sun, then they are going to degrade.

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That's right. here on the commercial break.

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Happy holidays to you and yours. All right. This Christmas, Chrissy and I are asking you to donate. We're going to talk about this charity one more time. Then we're going to bring in some you've suggested. We're going to talk about two charities that we would love for you to send some, you know, some payola their way because they do good works out there in the world. And it's that time of year.

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And these charities, most of them really depend on this, the giving this time of year to make them go all year round. It's like everything else. Everybody spends that money here in the holiday times for tax benefits or just because they're feeling good or because they're thinking about others. The St. Jude Foundation, the St.

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Jude series of hospitals provide treatment to terminally ill or long term cancer patients. children who typically have serious and complicated types of cancer. They provide that treatment at no cost to anybody for anything. And they do that because of the donations from people like us. So please, we'll put a link in the show notes. We have nothing to do with this. You go directly to their website.

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You pay what you want to pay. But if you do decide to donate to one of those, send us a screenshot to 212-433-3TCB and we'll be happy to send you some additional swag just as a thank you for even listening to the show quite frankly.

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We're paying attention to what we say. Also, Chrissy would like the National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund.

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There's so many fan pages. And a lot of them have nothing but a picture of Cristiano Ronaldo. Like literally one post, Cristiano Ronaldo, 6.6 million followers. Really? Yes. I'm not even kidding you because people are probably having just as much of a hard time finding the actual Cristiano Ronaldo as I did.

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Yeah. If you could avoid getting breast cancer or you could, any kind of cancer, right? If there's a vaccine for cancer that did not include mutilating part of your body, then that would be like one of the most amazing breakthroughs ever. So please donate to one or both of those great causes, the National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund or the St. Jude Hospital Fund.

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Okay, we'll take a break and we'll be back.

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Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas with my fog machine. Okay. Hey, do you remember earlier this year, I wanted to, since we're kind of reviewing the year during the 12 days of TCB, I wanted to bring it back to a story that we talked about way at the beginning of the year, maybe like, maybe spring. We had both watched a documentary about guys that were going around. Everything okay? Yeah.

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Oh, you're really excited to talk about this one?

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Do you remember this?

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Oh, okay. We can talk about that, too. But let me get to this one first. So the documentary we watched on Netflix. I think a lot of people watched it. about the guys who were going around trying to repopulate the earth with their own genes.

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So it was like a triangle, a triad angle, I don't know, six guys that were going to sperm banks and then convincing people to get private donations that included handing semen out car windows, meeting at malls, grocery stores. They were basically, they were in it for sex, I think, a lot of times.

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That's what we need to do is pretend to be somebody else. So here's my—OK, so let's put—besides having a finsta, what if we pay somebody to talk about us? Because if we pay Cristiano Ronaldo $3.23 million and his fake accounts are getting six or seven million followers, wouldn't it stand to reason that if we pay him to actually mention us, we would get some flack? We would get some sloppy seconds?

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But most of the time, what they were really in it for is repopulating the Earth or populating the Earth with their genes. It's like this weird fantasy that they had, this weird, like, domination fantasy that they had. And they went around doing this. So terrible. Terrible. They were found out and there was a small town in Denmark, I think it was.

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In Denmark or Sweden that had realized that like 120 of the children in that town were all related. Because the women... who wanted to conceive either by themselves or they couldn't conceive with their husband, took semen from the same person. But they did not know this until the cat got out of the bag.

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Everybody started doing DNA tests to realize that if they had gotten a private donation, it had likely come from this one particular person that then they discovered was not even one particular person. It was multiple particular people. In other words, you would call the dude or meet him on a website.

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He would say, I've only done this once or twice, but I'm really dedicated to giving women children when they want them, regardless of their circumstances. So I'm happy to provide you my semen. I'm college educated. I'm good looking. He would provide, you know, pictures. He looked like, you know, I don't know, like a blonde Jesus.

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Yeah, he was just like a handsome guy. And then they would meet him and inevitably get the donation one of two ways. Either he would give them the semen or

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that was just made either in their house like in their bathroom yeah he'd pump and dump essentially or he'd provide a live donation which means you have sex with the person and then they conceive that way which is also apparently a way that you can do this too which really surprised me okay so listen

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So, loosely, in this documentary, a gentleman as part of this quad of guys that were doing this was mentioned. And at the exact same time, this guy was on 90 Day Fiancé before the 90 days. He was dating a woman. And his job that he made clear from the beginning of him being on this show was to provide live sperm donations.

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It was only one way that he did it, and that was to have sex with the woman. And he'd get paid to do this. They'd pay for his travel and give him a couple thousand dollars each time he donated sperm. And sometimes he'd have to do it multiple times. And when the girl that he was dating, that he intended to marry... asked for him to wear a condom, he refused.

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When she then got nervous that she was pregnant, asked for the morning after pill, he refused to buy it for her. She went out and got it herself because he really wanted her to have this baby. It was like a sick, weird fantasy. This guy... At that time, one of the things that they showed in that show was that he was taking a cadre of vitamins to increase his chances of getting a woman pregnant.

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Supplements? Supplements to make his semen stronger and more virile and all this other stuff. There is now an actual supplement on the market called SemenX supplement.

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semen x that you can take to make your semen strong for you know the clearly i mean listen the supplement market is very loose it's not regulated there is zero regulation about the supplement market i could that's why why brian 5000 why brian 3000 now available everywhere you have sex Why, Brian 3000, I'll personally give it to you right now. 30-day free trial of my penis. How Semen X works.

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You ready? From their website. The only thing better than sex is amazing sex. But what if you could make the sex last even longer with intense orgasms and great semen? Order your Semen X today. Yes. Seminal vessel fluids constitute 70% of your load increase. Okay. The prostate gland fluid that forms 25% of your load increases. Your seminal plasma load increases.

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Yes! How many followers do you think we would get if we paid him to do a mention for us? If he said, like, one of my favorite comedy podcasts is the commercial break. Oh, lots. Yeah, millions? Millions. Probably millions. Okay, but we can't afford him, so let's put him aside. What if we find someone a little less expensive?

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I mean, this is something Alex Jones should be selling.

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Oh, yeah.

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Immediately, if not sooner. Because, oh, wait, there's a commercial. I don't know if I want to play the commercial because then I'm just giving him a free commercial. But the funniest thing is the testimonials that are on this website. Okay. I want you to take a look at the picture of one of the guys that's giving the testimonial, Neil W. Okay. Do you see that guy? Yeah.

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Does it look like Neil W. will ever be called upon to load increase?

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No, he's 70 years old. What does Neil need his load increased for? What is he looking for, Neil? Okay. My orgasms are way more intense. I've been taking semen X for a little over 60 days now. I saw your ads and decided it's exactly what I needed. You will not be prepared for what comes next, my dick. I mean, this is amazing. I have to tell you, this stuff works like a charm.

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My orgasms are way more intense and my semen volume is more than doubled. Who cares?

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Well, they might now. Let me talk to the network executives and we'll see what happens. Our network liaison. Who cares? Unless you're actually trying to get someone pregnant, which I guarantee Neil is not. Who cares what the load volume is? Is that really a problem? Or do we care about the load? Have you ever cared about the load volume?

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I don't think Neil's trying to get it. Yeah, drop in loads. I mean, this is just unbelievable to me. This is one of the vitamins that that guy was taking was this semen X. It really was? It really was one of the ones that he was taking. I'm surprised this picture is not on the website.

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Because if there's ever been someone that should be, look at these guys, Chrissy. Look at these men on the front of this website. If these are not guys that you want to make sure that their load increases.

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Do you want to see them have more intense orgasms? Do you want to see any of these guys have more intense orgasms, Chrissy?

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Oh, my God. Look at this guy. He's right up your alley. Oh, my God. It's so funny. They couldn't have paid for stock photography? Steven X, you couldn't have sprung for a couple extra dollars to make it look like anybody? Decent? Would want your product? Yeah. Pan in on that, Chris. Give us a shot of that. Look at that guy. Look at that guy. No, no, no. It's okay.

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Plus, if you want some privacy, you can just flip the manual cover to turn off the camera and microphone. Wherever the holidays take you, Ring makes sure that you're always home for the holidays. So head to Ring.com to find the latest deals on Ring video doorbells, cams, and alarm kits. Ring makes the perfect gift for everyone on your list.

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We'll have our guy zoom in on that. That's unbelievable. What about the Russian documentary? What was going on with the Russian documentary? The Mail Order Brides. The Mail Order Brides. Or did you just want to talk about it?

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It was really good.

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Well, stay tuned because there's two more documentaries of equal... shenanigans that I have found that I would like to do. This is actually one of the things in season number six that I would like to do more is that we do a multi-day themed breakdown of longer, like a longer episodic documentaries, videos. And I've found two already that are just amazeballs and you're going to love them.

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And one of them is very much in the same vein as mail order brides. Uh, but this has to do with the, the paid dating coaches. So the pay, the people, but not the men. The women who take rich guys and they put them together with a gaggle of geese and then they try and hook them up. Do you know what I'm saying?

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Like that lady, Patty, whatever her name was.

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Remember her? Yeah. Do you remember how she did that show?

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Oh, she does? Oh, okay. I always thought that would look like a scam from the beginning to me. It was like she just put a bunch of really hot young girls in front of a bunch of really old, white, rich guys.

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Yeah, that's true. Nothing unusual going on there. Yeah, exactly. No, not in L.A. I actually live in L.A., but it's just a different world out there. Things just happen different. Kylie Jenner gets paid $2.6 million to mention you on her social media out there. Here in Atlanta, we do things different. We mention Semenex in the hopes that they'll pay us money someday down the line.

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That's how it works here in Atlanta. We for real. We for real. No, no, no. Do your thing. Okay. we're all still getting used to each other in the same space and that's okay christina christina was so lost in the moment talking about the mail order bride well she was ordering semen x over there she was hoping it would increase her load i don't know where did you put it did we did you replace it

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No? Okay. It's usually in a green... There we go. Sorry. No, it's all good. It's all good. You know, the reason why I pointed to you is because I thought that's what you had done.

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Yes.

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I was loading my load. You were loading your load. I was loading my load. Loading. Now loading. See you next time. Give them a shout out. We just did a free commercial for them, by the way.

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We did. All of those people aforementioned is probably the reason why some people are listening to us today, actually. Without their help, we would be nowhere, Chrissy. So let's piggyback off of that thought and go 21st century. Get on social media.

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Yeah. There's probably half the audience that's running to semenx.com right now to either check out the pictures or order it themselves. Use sick fucks with your Santa Claus porn and your semenx. This has been a rowdy episode of the commercial break for 12 days of TCB. Well, when I saw the Santa erotica, I just couldn't pass it up. I was like, oh, no, no, no, no. That's commercial break material.

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All right. Let's get Dr. Phil to talk about it. Oh, yeah. Dr. Phil. I'm going to get that commercial. We'll see if we can play it for you. All right. Do us a favor. Go to the St. Jude website or the National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund website. Donate for Christmas. Give a few bucks. You know that every dollar really does matter when you're talking about life-threatening illnesses.

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And let's be honest about it. The health care system in America is really fucked. As we're seeing.

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Yes, it stops. And when you're really sick, there's nothing else that matters. It's just that's all. That's it. And sometimes you can't even function. And I know that for a fact. And Chrissy knows that. And Christina knows that. We all know that. Get old enough and you're going to know that if you get sick. You need health care. You need it now, and you may not have the money to pay for it.

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So these people are doing good work out there. You may need them someday. Hopefully you don't, but you may need them. Pay it forward. All right, tcbpodcast.com. That's where you find all the show notes, all the information about the show, audio and video, every single episode of The Commercial Break, now available on youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak.

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Add the commercial break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. If you donate to one of those causes, send us a screenshot. We'll send you free swag. If you need another 21 APM sticker, let us know. We'll send it off to you. No muss, no fuss, no problem. All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now.

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I'll tell you that I love you.

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I'll say best to you.

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And best to you and your jingle jangles out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I do say, we will say, and we must say, goodbye.

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Get them to get an influencer to mention. Not that Conan or smart list guys aren't. I will say this. They didn't do it with all their gusto. Conan did a good read. I can't say. And I love SmartList. I absolutely do. I think they're wonderful. It's one of my favorites. I feel honored just to have had them say their name. This is the fact that they accepted our money. Dr. Phil, not so much.

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In hindsight, probably wouldn't repeat that. But here's the crazy part. Dr. Phil brought us a lot of listeners.

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Yeah.

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That's how I know a lot of our audience is not well.

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But Dr. Phil, we did like five commercials with him, and the first four were just, you know, hey, it's Dr. Phil. Do you enjoy ghost stories? People who date chickens? That's so funny. Listen to The Commercial Break, available everywhere you listen to your other podcasts. The Commercial Break, now available three days a week. Do you enjoy fucking your grandma?

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and writing in about it the commercial break will take your text message that was the first four and then he got it and then all of a sudden on the fifth one he had some drinks or something i actually i know he doesn't drink but something happened he was huffing you know paint cleaner or something because he goes you know those guys at the commercial break they're fantastic i love those do you like talking about ghost and mountain monsters and horse chickens he did make him read that

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Yeah, I paid for it. I will not be rerunning the Smartless ad. However, I'm not going to let our audience know just how disrespected we are by everybody else in the podcast community. Here's Smartless at the commercial break on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Thanks to the commercial break for advertising with us. It was supposed to be a minute. It was less than 10 seconds.

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Okay, so let's go through the top 20 paid influencers of 2024. And let's see if there's anybody that's gettable for us. Okay, Kevin Hart. The American stand-up comedian, actor, pitchman extraordinaire Kevin Hart is everywhere. Four foot two and worth a billion dollars. Everybody loves Kevin. It's hard not to like Kevin Hart. I mean, he's just one of those guys. He's like Tom Cruise.

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I mean, not Tom Cruise. Who's the other Tom? Tom Hanks. It's like Tom Hanks, not Tom Cruise. I was about to say, well... If Tom Cruise would accept...

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influencer money i bet tom cruise would instantly be the highest paid influencer ever now i know he does like he won't do commercials here in the united states but he does lots of international commercials and apparently he gets paid like 10 million 15 million dollars yeah to do one of those you know silly i don't know uh perfume ads you know we're just standing there with his hair whipping back

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And thanks to Ring for being a sponsor of the commercial break.

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Sand. Wind by Saint-Laurent Zevi. Those people must sell perfume. Like, celebrities must sell perfume.

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Oh, yeah.

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Because every perfume commercial has celebrities. And the only one I've actually ever enjoyed is the Miley Cyrus one, just because I like that song. Anyway, Kevin Hart, take a guess at how much Kevin... I'm going to have you guess at how much these people make increasingly until we get to Christian. Okay. Cristiano, excuse me, not Christian. Christian, like we're buds. Christian.

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CR7. CR7.

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We'll see you next time. Get your quote today at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Hey, Chrissy, best to you.

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And it's top 20.

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More.

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A million dollars for a Kevin Hart mention. I think Kevin Hart, if we had a million dollars, which we don't, but if we had a million dollars, Kevin Hart might be a good fit for us.

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Because everyone likes him and therefore gives us a shot. Yeah. Getting there.

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227.

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He had... Uh, 178.

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God damn. We don't even have 200 followers on TikTok. Not 200. I mean, to be fair, I never post on there until like last yesterday. Okay. All right.

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Well, I'm not famous, but good looking is subjective, Chrissy. If Christina wasn't gay, she would think I was good looking.

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Okay, thank you. um i'm gonna say 1.2 1.1 million 1.14 1.41 million dollars katie perry katie perry 1.41 1.41 okay one excuse me 1.141 yes 1.1 yes whatever who cares it's a lot of money too much we don't Katy Perry comes in at number 18. She's got 205 million. So he's got 278. She's got 205.

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But I guess she probably has more of an international flavor to her, like everybody kind of knows who Katy Perry is. This has not been the greatest year for Katy Perry, I will say that.

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That was this year. I think so. Would she have that with Russell Brand?

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God.

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Russell Brand. This is the year.

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Yes. Russell Brand officially went off the deep end. Okay. Katy Perry. Average price per post is what?

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$1.2 million. $1.22 million. And she will give you a mention. Next at number 17 is the aforementioned Miley Cyrus.

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Who's got 214 million Instagram followers. A mention from her will cost you a cool... 1.3. 1.276, so pretty close. What about Kourtney Kardashian? What do you think she costs?

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Wait, is Kourtney Kardashian hanging out with Machine Gun Kelly now? What is going on there?

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It's the guy with all the tattoos on his head?

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Oh, Blink-182. Yes.

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Travis. That's right. Barker. Travis Barker. Travis Barker's wife gets $1.35 million per post. This year, a couple of months ago, she had one post that had three and a half million likes. Three and a half million. Damn. I got excited the other day when I posted on TikTok for the first time. And you know how you can watch the little counter if you go on your desktop version?

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I just figured this out. You can go in the analytics and watch the little counter as you get your views. When it got to 50, I had to tell my wife. I was like, I think it's going viral. It's got 50. And then it ended at 56. And it went off the cliff. Because TikTok said, no old white men here. Also, you're on a desktop. Yeah, well, fuck you. I'm on desktop. I got seven desktops over there.

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I just bought Christina a new desktop. I've never had so many screens in my entire life.

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Yes, take care of them. Nicki Minaj plays in at number 15.

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Good old Nicki.

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1.3. Yeah, you're just going up the ladder, aren't you? 1.35 for Nicki Minaj. Virat Kohli. Kohli is a current captain of the Indian cricket team. Many regard him as one of the best contemporary batsmen in the world. Never watched cricket in my entire... Actually, that's not true. I've watched like five minutes of it.

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But for the life of me, I can't understand it. It's huge. And it goes on for months. Games go on for months. Games go on for months? No, they go on for days. Days? Days. Games go on for days. Really? Yes. They will go on for days and days. And I don't know why. Why can't it be wrapped up in a single sitting? Or one day. One day. Or five hours.

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I mean, take a page out of the American baseball book and just get them to hustle up a little bit more.

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Get it done in one day. Anyway, he's got many followers. Doesn't say here how many he has. But he makes about $26 million a year, earning $1.385 per post. That's crazy. $1.3 million to make a post. Mm-hmm. And when you're that famous, and I don't know that anybody this famous, like, I don't know anybody on this list is listening to the commercial break.

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But if you are, write in and tell us, do you accept? two or three of these a month? Or are you really choosing to only do three or four a year? Because if I'm one of these people, I am literally sitting in this studio all day long doing posts for sponsors.

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Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe and happy holidays. Sometimes podcasts like ours will take off a lot of time during the holidays, but not us. We're gluttons for punishment. So we have the 12 days of TCB coming at you. December 13th through the 25th, brand new episodes every single day and live fresh episodes during the entire holiday season.

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Oh, for sure. And no one's spending $1.4 million.

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Yes, that's true. Jennifer Lopez gets 1.5 million per post and doesn't say here how many she's got. Let's see here. How many followers does she have? J-Lo. Oh, she does like coach and stuff like that. God damn, Chrissy. Why can't we just do one of these? I mean, why can't we just do... Why can't we have 250 million? Why can't we have one sponsor just... We have over 300 Instagram followers.

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But then later on, two dates later, she explained that that was not the first time that she had been married for those purposes. Wow. So I totally understand that there is fraud that happens, obviously, in this process, in this system. 90 Day Fiancé, it's a really hard way to commit that. You know what I'm saying? To commit that fraud.

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Like you would think if you're going to go through all that drama to be on TV for... 30 episodes of 90 Day Fiancé. There's some attraction or at least a willingness to go through it there. But, you know, it's flawed in a lot of ways. But at least for me, when I went through it, it being, obviously, it was kind of a light, felt like for death for me. When I went through it, it felt very stressful.

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And we had to, you know, have reams of documents and pictures and interviews. But we never got hassled. To be fair to the immigration, we never got hassled. Everybody was always like, He seems like you have a beautiful start of a beautiful family. Congratulations.

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You know, your your visa is approved, which is like the biggest relief you can ever feel when you're in that situation is when an officer or someone in charge says you're good. And it's like, oh, thank God we can kind of rest. But, you know. I imagine that. I always thought to myself, wouldn't Donald Trump just put a stop to that 90-day fiancé show immediately?

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That felt to me like a place to start, like low-hanging fruit for him. He hasn't attacked it yet, though.

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We get something to them. Does your wife watch all of them? Does she watch all of them?

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Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of the show, Chris Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us on a TCB infomercial Tuesday with our friend Trey Crowder. Trey Crowder is a noted comedian.

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You wasted 36 hours of your life.

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It's Jump the Shark. I'm done with it. But anyway, you have quite the career, Trey. I have to ask, I've been watching you for a long time, and I really think you're very smart, very, very sharp. And you've got a political flavor of comedy. In 2016, I think it's 2016, you kind of had this video go viral, right? Yeah. And what was that like?

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Because you kind of went from zero to a thousand overnight, I can imagine. I mean, I know you probably had been doing comedy for some time, right? I know that one night stories take a lot longer than one night success stories. But what was that like to go through that in the moment?

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It wasn't as divided, yeah.

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And political commentarian, I guess is the best way to put that, known as the liberal redneck. And some of you will know his work and some of you will not. Some of you will care and some of you won't. But I really think that Trey has got some important stuff to say. I've enjoyed his stuff for a long time, so I'm glad that he is coming in.

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Trey is on the constant never-ending stand-up tour, as most comedians are, and he's a very popular one. TreyCrowder.com is where you can get tickets to any of his shows. He's also got a brand new special out on YouTube and his website called Trash Daddy. And I think he's got a couple of other things in the works. Maybe we'll get a chance to talk to him about that. But, you know, listen...

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Yeah, that's what I keep hearing on Facebook. And it's like, Facebook? Who uses that for anything but dating and buying old shoes? Yes.

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How long does it take you to get that? Does the development deal, does your agent just send that over to you the next day? They're like, oh my God, they want to sign you to a development. Does that happen just so quickly?

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I do remember that. I think that's my, that was my introduction. Yeah. That was,

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I remember that day after the election, like we had just moved into a house, my wife and I freshly, you know, married basically. And we were sitting on two patio chairs because our furniture hadn't shown up yet. This big screen TV in this huge living room and watching and clear by nine o'clock at night. And I was like, this is fucking insane. I don't know what happened.

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Not everybody a huge fan when we choose to talk politics or bring people on who do talk politics. But give it a chance. We're not here to beat up anybody. We're just here to have a conversation. Yeah, have a conversation. Absolutely. And I'm open to conversations on all sides of the aisle because I think that's what we need. We need to talk to each other. About what?

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And the next morning I took a run down at the park where I've been running for years. And I just remember everybody looked shell-shocked. It felt to me similar to the day after 9-11 when everyone was like, what hangover are we in? What universe did we end up in? And such a weird time. But then you go, okay, well, here it is. Let's hope for the best, right?

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Let's wish that everything, let's hope that someone, there's an adult in the room and everybody figures it out. Did you, when did the, for you, when did you sense, the energy started changing and becoming more divided. I think it's clear that right now, there's a lot of, I'm on this team, I'm on that team.

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There's a lot of tribalism that goes on in this country, whether that be real sports teams, religion, politics. There's so much tribalism. We all have to identify with some group of people so that we have something and identify an enemy that we have to fight, real or imagined. Did the did the after that election, did the crowd start to change? Do you feel the energy of the crowd start to change?

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Where we can find common ground. Like mountain monsters and Carl Lentz is an idiot. And, you know, most... churches are scams for money. I mean, let's just be honest about it. Most churches are scams for money. Frankie B. Frankie B. Although Frankie's B seems to have gone away. I don't know where Frankie is. What's that?

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Yeah, it's gotten super intense. And we do a particularly bland form of humor here. We don't talk a lot of politics generally. I think if you listen to the show, you are. What's that? It's a good call.

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It was 2020, right? And so, you know, things had, we were leading up into change and you could feel the tone and texture of the country was different than it was in 2016. It was clear that a lot of people wanted to move in a different direction. And it was the pandemic. And so we just made a decision. There's so much of that is on television in people's ears. So many people are talking about it.

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And so many people are smartly talking about it. Are we going to add to the noise or are we going to cut through? And it was just clear that we were going to add to the noise. So I was like, let's just leave it alone. Let's not talk about it. Let's give people a break from it. The name is the commercial break.

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Let's give people like a real life commercial break from all this drama that's going on right now. Now, since this last election, you know, I think our opinions are known. You know, I think one of the mistakes that was made in 2016 is that we all... a lot of us with certain feelings did go, what the fuck are you thinking?

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You're clearly not well in the head if you think QAnon is coming to... There's some day of judgment coming with some guy that's talking on Reddit. I mean, it just doesn't make any sense. I think the mistake early on was believing that everyone who felt... supportive of some of these initiatives or felt a certain way was just an idiot, right? Because that obviously turned out not to be true.

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Many people felt like some of the ideas and principles that the conservatives believe in or that Trump specifically believed in was something they also felt strongly about. They felt left out by the process and MAGA let them in. And so now it's a form of populism, in my opinion, right? Yeah.

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And so is that, is it really, I got to imagine, I probably know the answer to this, but I'm gonna ask it anyway. It's got to be really tough sometimes to have this brand of comedy in this industry.

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I know, but he could make a video about something, about his diet, about his hair plugs, about something. I wish Frankie B would make a video. I'm like almost tempted, almost tempted to write him and say, we're out of content to review, bro. What's going on?

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Absolutely right. And it's kind of strange. It's like it's flipped upside down. And part of me thinks that some of the podcast comedy, Manosphere, whatever they're calling it, these days, Broosphere, Bro Podcastphere, I don't even know what the new name is. You know, everything's got a name. I don't know what it is. So part of me believes that it's in fashion.

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We're out of content to review. Give us something. While I've got you and before Trey gets here, I'll remind you that on May 31st, the 12 Hours of TCB, celebrating five years of the commercial break and 12 additional episodes. in Mental Health Awareness Month, which is, of course, May. We're going to do it on the last day of May because that's the kind of people we are.

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to troll and to press those buttons because that's where the clicks and the likes are. And the more you can flirt with it and be controversial while maintaining a brand that can be on... SNL or wherever, then the better off you're going to be. So it's like one foot in one foot out and you know, in for a penny and for a pound kind of thing. Like we're here now. So this is what I'm going to do.

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And then five years from now, it'll be another thing. And then five years, it'll be another thing feels disingenuous to me. And I think I can see through it with some of these folks. And some of these folks, I believe they really believe it, right? It's it that's the way it is. And there's no doubt that, you know, Rogan has had an influence on all of that. He has to be

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become a serious power broker in comedy. No more Carson, now it's Rogan and others, right? But you have been faithful to kind of these causes that you have always, I imagine, believed in. You say that you grew up in a rather liberal household and that may have been strange for where you grew up.

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I mean, I think it's a stereotype to say that the entire Deep South is, you know, conservative, Bible-beating, you know...

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troglodytes as you put it because there are a lot of people who don't think that way or feel that way um we live in atlanta we know it even in the deep deep south valdosta georgia or you know north lake florida yeah in the rural areas i think they also get a bad rap sometimes too i'm sure there are plenty of people who have liberal leanings that live in those areas also but um

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When you were growing up, and I guess politics wasn't as much of a conversation starter back then, but did you ever feel like a fish out of water, believing and feeling certain ways, but yet being around in areas where there was a lot of conservative conversation? Oh yeah.

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We wait till the very last minute to tell you about mental health. That's how much we care about your mental health is that we'll wait till the last minute to get it all said and done. And no, this is for an important reason. And we're going to be raising money and awareness and talking to some celebrity guests about their own challenges and thoughts on mental health.

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That's how I looked at it, which is like... I'm Da Vinci, and they're the dum-dums, right?

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Do you have any – Here's my sense of it. And like you, I grew up, I mean, I don't say when I grew up in a liberal household, I grew up in an Irish Catholic household and my father leaned conservative. My mother was liberal about almost every social issue, which I think I picked up on that kind of empathetic nature of hers.

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And so we're super excited about this 12 straight episodes recorded that day that we will put out. That's a Saturday. So we'll give you we'll give you the right day. I hope there's no like major sporting events or anything, is there? I don't know. Not on May 31st. It's after Memorial Day.

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And it made me really see the world in a different way to put myself in other people's shoes before speaking and all that stuff, like do unto others the stuff that Jesus taught, the pretty simple stuff.

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right but um you know i always felt strongly that uh you know the government a political faction shouldn't be bullies that was just kind of my thing and so i'd never really felt strongly about conservatism because i always felt there was a little bit of that in it always um but That being said, I don't disagree with everything that the conservatives have to say.

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I don't think government should, I don't think we should have to fill out a piece of paper in triplicate to walk across the street, right? I think the government needs to be smaller. It needs to work more for the people in the middle and down below. And I think that, you know, there's, there is a lot of waste that goes on in government.

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And so for me, I don't totally disagree with, I hate government. doge and everything that it stands for under Musk, right? Because I just don't agree with the methodologies and the way he's going about it and the reasoning that he's going about it. I don't think it's as simple as I want to cut waste and fraud. I think there's very complicated reasons in this own man's head.

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But I agree that we could probably get rid of some of the stuff that we just don't need or we're spending too much money on. Do you... feel that there is any common ground with the current administration? Do you feel like does does Trey agree with any of the things?

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So don't worry. It's not a Memorial Day weekend. We did it the weekend afterwards so that we knew you would have plans.

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That's right. Whatever your vacation plans are, we'll give you three long days to digest all 12 hours of the commercial break. Don't ask me why. Don't ask. Whee! Yeah. It's going to be a lot of fun. Thank God we have five hour energy here in the studio.

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And it's like... It's such a... It is such a... Dumb, dumb thing to say, and I agree with you 100%. I know a conservative that's yelling and screaming on Facebook. Elon's saving us. He's got a great plan. He's going to get rid of the billionaire class, and it's like he is the epitome of the billionaire class. Right. that kind of power unchecked on either side of the aisle.

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We should all have a healthy dose of skepticism about someone that wants to amass as much wealth as possible and make everybody else under him uncomfortable for no reason. That's it. Government is not, unfortunately, is not a private company. It's not a startup. It's not a small business mom and pop shop. It doesn't work and operate the same way, and you can't treat it as such.

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There are things that the government does in the public eye and behind the scenes that just need to be treated differently because it's serving the people that elect it to happen, and it can't be treated like that. It can't be motivated by profit margins and stuff. That's correct.

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I totally, totally agree with you. And, you know, and I think it's important. I mean, my opinion is it's important that when we find common ground with the other side of the aisle or people that we don't agree with, that we recognize that common ground because that's the way that we get less tribal, right? Is by saying, yeah, he's just like me.

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I think we'll need all of it to get through that 12 hours of TCB. So Trey Crowder, treycrowder.com. That's where you find more information about Trey, all of his tour dates. There's a link to his special Trash Daddy up there. Let's do this. I know that this is a short intro, but we don't always need to blab on forever. We do that We'll do that on the 12 hours of TCB. How's that?

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I think by and large, the people who voted for Trump, I imagine by and large, Those people, they're good, hardworking people who just want better for their families and realized that it doesn't that for some reason have been told or whatever that, you know, this particular version of it, the Kamala Harris version or whatever, the Biden version didn't work for you. And they got convinced of that.

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And but they wanted something different. They felt like they needed someone to shake that up. And, you know, hopefully, maybe they'll see that this is kind of a little bit of a screwy mess right now. Who do you think leads the Liberal Party into the next generation? Like, do you think it's kind of like a little... Like maybe the old guard is time. Oh, yeah.

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If I hear the double talk out of their mouths anymore, it does frustrate me to no end, and I don't believe in their ability to lead, and it's driving me crazy. They were good for 1989, not for 2025, and I think it's time for – You know, there's got to be eternal. There's got to be a reckoning if there's going to continue to be a strong, you know, liberal party in this country.

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And that liberal party needs to understand that most people agree with smaller government. You know, there's things that they need to work for the middle class again and not be so concerned. Yeah, that's the biggest thing I need to do. Yeah. Totally. And, you know, do you know Channel 5 News, Andrew Callahan from Channel 5 News, the YouTube channel, Channel 5? Do you know what I'm talking about?

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All gas, no brakes. Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. So it's called Channel 5. So he came on the show and he was really interesting. He's another smart guy. I think of you as a smart guy also, you know, that guy who debated the entire half of the class. on the war in Iraq, but he's another smart guy. And he said, I don't even think there'll be a democratic ticket in 2028.

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And I was like, wow, he's like, not the way it looks right now. I think it's got to, it'll be a totally different thing. Right. And I was like, wow, he's like, there's just no strong leadership in that old guard anymore that can take you into this next version of what politics looks like. And I, I think he might be right about that.

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I don't know.

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Yeah. You know that at some point, the lion cubs become the lion, right? At some point, the old lion is eaten by the younger cubs or something like that. My friend who's had... I have small children. They're like half your age, but I have a million of them. But one of my friends who had children young had a son and...

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So why don't we take a break, Chrissy, now, and then when we come back through the magic of telepodcasting, very popular overnight. I say overnight. I'm sure there's some story behind that. But overnight sensation, Trey Crowder, will be here with us in studio. He's been on Bill Maher. He's been on... MSNBC.

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when the kid turned 13 he got big I mean he got big he got strong and you know they would get into little fussing matches about you know cleaning the room or whatever and he's like I'm honestly scared the lion cup has become the lion like he now leads the pride he's like if you want to take me you could

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Yeah, I'm an older dad, and I was talking with someone about this the other day. I think that has benefited me in one way is that I do understand. At 20, I didn't understand my own mortality, even at 30. At my age, I definitely understand my mortality. It's a double-edged sword.

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I can see time marching quickly toward my end, but when they're young, I think I'm appreciating those moments right now because I can see that mortality. So, Trey Crowder, I think you're one of the great voices of a generation. I really do. And I think it's important. You know, not everyone chooses this road, but it's not the easy way out.

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And I think that you are saying some things that people need to hear. And I hope that, you know. I hope that even if our listeners are conservative, that you go, Trey's pragmatic. He's practical. He's not out there on the far fringes of conversation. He's saying things that make a lot of sense. And I hope that you go follow him, TreyCrowder.com.

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You can find out where he's coming so you can get tickets to go see him. And please watch the new special, Trash Daddy. You're welcome here anytime, Trey. Thank you guys so much. I appreciate it. Thank you very much. Appreciate it.

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I do like Trey's outlook on things, and I think he's a smart guy. Absolutely. He just kind of got thrown right into the middle of it, and now here he is. But he's not shying away from the spotlight or the fire. In fact, he says he's stepping into it because he feels now it's more important than ever. And hey, listen, braver than I am, that's for sure.

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I mean, but no one wants to hear my opinion on any of that shit. Not even my wife. I like Trey.

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He's been in movies and documentaries, and he's a hot commodity. Why he's showing up here, I have no idea. But maybe we'll ask him that, too. Which agent are you going to fire after this appearance? All right. We'll take a short break, and we'll be back. What do you think?

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Yeah, there you go. All right. Okay, well, TreyCrowder.com. That's where you find out more information. You get tickets to his tour. You can find a link to his special, Trash Daddy. On YouTube. Yeah, that's on YouTube also. And there's lots of other stuff to digest out there. Trey Crowder on Instagram, on TikTok. on YouTube. He's got his own podcast.

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He makes appearances on a lot of other podcasts like ours. So there's lots of Trey Crowder out there for you to digest. We would appreciate it if you do. All right. 12 hours of TCB coming up May 31st. Don't want to miss out. Set your calendars. Put an alarm on, kids. Get up early. Get your coffee. Take a shower, clean your ass. It's going to be a long day for all of us. And I hope that you join.

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And we may do a live show also. So stay tuned for more information about that. We'll get it to you just as soon as we have it. probably just a few weeks before the event. TCBpodcast.com. That's where you find out more information about Chrissy and I, all the show notes, all the guests, all the links to the guests' information. It's all there at TCBpodcast.com. You can also get your free sticker.

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I just saw Astrid. One of my kids was helping Astrid. pack stickers into uh envelopes and i thought that was so fucking cute and she i did and she was very excited about it but we don't share that kind of stuff on instagram but okay yeah but she was so cute she was so excited about it she's like i'm helping and i'm like oh thank you can you do an episode for me because i'm really tired today

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at the commercial break on aforementioned Instagram TCB podcast on TikTok and youtube.com slash the commercial break for all the videos the same day they air here on the audio go there check it out we got a new studio you want to see Trey's pretty face you want to see Chrissy's pretty face you want to see a face of mine you can go check that out on youtube.com slash the commercial break

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212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. We'll take them all via text message or leave us a voicemail and be the next voice of the commercial break. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now.

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Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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All right.

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Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large.

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And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules.

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They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything. You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Serea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. Trey, thanks so much for your time today. How are you doing? Welcome.

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What are all the things to consider? When you say that, what are all the things to consider?

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The general breakdown of democracy? Is that what you're talking about?

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I agree. We've talked about it. It just feels soupy out there, right? It's just everybody feels a little bit on edge right now. Just like the general energy in the room. If you like read the room, it feels like everyone's one step away from a nervous breakdown. From the Starbucks to even when you drive, it feels like people are just like getting aggressive for no reason. And it feels real weird.

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But let's start with the easy stuff. I agree with you. 90 Day Fiancé is the greatest example of what is going on here in this country and how proud we should be as Americans of what we've built because so many... Beautiful men and women seem to want to hang on to dum-dums in this country just to get in the front door.

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You know, my wife's listeners of the show will obviously know this, but my wife is Venezuelan. And when I say Venezuelan, when I met her, she was living in Venezuela and then moved to Switzerland to get her master's degree, and I chased her around Europe for a couple months, brought her back to the United States.

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But when we first started watching that show, which kind of the beginning of that show coincided with our own story, we were like, that resembles nothing like anything that we went through. These people are... I mean, the chances of their success in their marriage is zero to minus seven on a good day. It's just so clear that some of these people are ill-fitting and it makes for great television.

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But you wonder how in the world they're going to stay together.

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it is. So, so there are multiple ways to bring your loved ones, specifically someone you want to marry or you're married to over to the United States. There are multiple paths to get there. 90, the 90 day visa is, is one of them. It's an option that can be considered. And you do have 90 days as the clock starts. And it does take a process.

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There is a process by which you, I mean, it's really strict. You have to go by it. But that's not the process by which we accomplished being able to live together here in the United States. But that 90-day visa program is... is no joke. And it's 90 days and you're out.

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And I've heard from other people, if you do that 90 days and you don't get married, your chances of getting back in the country, and from some countries, even on a tourist visa, are slim to none because they imagine you're coming in now just for other purposes, right? To be in. It's really, you know, it's such a stressful thing to go through when you fall in love with somebody from another country.

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And you have to get lawyers involved. And so many people, I would imagine, did not have the same resources that I did to actually hire an attorney to walk you through the steps and all that.

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And you would think that it would just be a little bit easier that if you actually fell in love with somebody and the relationship was real and you could prove that to whoever you needed to prove to, that it would just be, okay, go on about your life. But it's not that way. It's an unduly stressful situation to go through. And luckily, it worked out fine for us. We didn't have any drama.

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But so many of our friends and family members who have been through similar things have been through so much drama. And now, today, 2025, I couldn't imagine going through. I couldn't.

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uh, through some friends. And then we started like loosely dating, but I, she'd always come over to my house. I was never invited over there. And then one day she said, I said, well, why don't we swing by your house for something? And she said, duh, I feel like we're far enough along, like fourth date. I got to tell you something. I'm married.

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And I thought to my, I would, and she goes, but before you freak out, before you freak out, I'm married for the green card. And I go, for your green card? I thought, you know, and she was like, no, for this, for my husband's green card. And we'd live together for appearances. And I was like, oh, okay. I had no experience with this. I had no idea. But they lived together.

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They had businesses together. They had like a business together. They had bank accounts together. To give the appearance that all of this was real, he paid her bills. Right. And he got to stay in the country, essentially. Now, I understand this is 1000% illegal, right? And we didn't date for very long after that, because I got uncomfortable with the idea that her husband was in the house.

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On this episode of The Commercial Break.

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The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.

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Very exciting.

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One thing that we got to knock him for is he's not a Cubs fan.

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Yeah, he's White Sox.

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Yeah. You know, there's an old saying. You're from Chicago. The Bears, the Bulls, the Cubs, and the Blackhawks. And if you like the White Sox, you're from Indiana. I'm going to forgive them for this one sin. But I will say that there is a little bit of Chicago pride. Of course. You know, there's a line from the West Wing, and I think it's probably my favorite line in the West Wing.

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As well as your favorite show.

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As well as one of my favorite shows. Certainly. Certainly in the top five. And I don't think I'm alone there, by the way.

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Yeah. The West Wing is like a fever dream for what could have been a fever dream for what we are all missing right now. That's right. I didn't see President Bartlett accepting a seventy five billion dollar plane. From the Qataris.

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It's insane.

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It's crazy.

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It's insane. I just, I mean, I shouldn't be surprised, but I. Not surprised.

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There's nothing surprising. I will say this. If you don't know what we're talking about, President Trump has agreed to take a billion dollar gift in the form of a 747-8i, which is the largest private plane ever constructed. And you can only imagine the opulence of this plane.

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It's called a palace. It is a flying palace. Yeah, flying palace.

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I will say this in President Trump's favor and to give him a little bit, like just give him a little bit of credit, not credit, but like put myself in his shoes for a minute. It's one fucking badass plane. It's one badass plane. I mean, honestly, it's hard to turn that shit down. It really is. I got to say, I mean, he is at his core. nothing else if driven by ego and money.

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And we all know this, whether we like him or don't like him, we can all agree on this thing. He don't give a shit about nothing except for himself and his money. And this is the epitome of luxury. And it is a beautiful plane, beautiful. And if someone offered me that, You'd be trying to find a way. I'd find the loophole also. I'd figure it out. I'd say, get it done. I don't know.

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You're the lawyers. You figure it out. Say, I'm sorry. I don't know. I don't know what to do. I need the plane. I want that plane. Because I want that plane. I need the plane right now. I could just hear him. I could just hear him in the Oval Office. I don't care. Stop plane. I get it. I do. I understand. It's really one very just dripping in awesomeness airplane. Yeah. Yeah. When you dream.

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Chrissy and I have a dream that we have an airplane once. But the furthest that I've dreamed is like you've seen those videos of people flying in to go climb Mount Everest. Yeah. Where they're flying in on like a six-seater airplane that's piled together with duct tape and the guy is yelling in some foreign language.

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And they have to land on a half-inch runway and the plane, the wing falls off when they land. That's my vision of a private airplane for Chris.

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Well, we were also saying we would like maybe like the old Rolling Stones.

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Yes. Yeah, I'll take that. Refurbished. The Iron Maiden plane that's still flying around. Even they had a 727 or something. Iron fucking maiden. They're like, that's pretty revolutionary. The iron fucking maiden had this little 727. Chrissy and I are going to get the Leonard Skinner version. The kind that doesn't fly. Sorry, Leonard Skinner fans.

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Anyway, I forgot totally what I was saying about the phone. Me too. I totally forgot where we were going with this. Welcome to another ADHD episode.

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We started talking about Trump and the plane and then that kind of stuff.

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Yeah, but I sidetracked on that plane for some reason. We started thinking about how opulent it was. My mind could not get off that plane when I saw it. At first I was like, motherfucker. It's going to take an airplane from a foreign government, one that we probably shouldn't be all that friendly with for a million different reasons.

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It's like when Phil Mickelson took a billion dollars to go play golf. I was like, God damn it, Phil. And then I started thinking about all that money and how much Phil gambles.

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His wife hates him. And I was like, well, I guess I can understand.

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I mean, you can understand. But listen, here's my thing. Trumpy Trump. Just do it when you get out of office. Then you got all – then whatever. Make a deal with them. Whatever they're paying you for to do, you're going to do it anyway. Just do it and then take the plane afterwards. We need an Air Force One that is going to be flying after you are president.

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I know you're looking at your fifth and sixth term already, but after you're done, we're going to need an airplane. So we really need to press on Boeing to get those airplanes. Of course, Boeing's track record. Yeah. The plane will have a self-destruct button right next to the start and that's next to the engine start. It's unbelievable. Unbelievable. Anyway, so Trump. So anyway, back to the Pope.

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You created a song using only real reviews and comments from our fans? I like that idea, Chatty. All right, play that tune.

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Back to the Pope. Like I was saying, I really do think that we should – I'm hoping that Pope Leo takes the flag from the last pope and he continues to open – the minds and the hearts of the people that follow him. I really do. I do too.

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In a direction that's more modern, that's less caveman-ish, that can root out some of the, you know, not so great things that the Catholic Church has been involved in over the years. I hope that he continues to go in that direction. Some people think that him being picked is a sign that the Catholic Church wants to continue to move in that direction. Good. And so that's good.

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And I know that there's a lot of people out there, some of our listeners included, that are really excited about the new Catholic priest pope from Chicago. The priest pope. The priest pope. You know, that priest pope guy.

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This episode is sponsored in part by Liquid IV. I love a beach trip and I'm going on one. Can you hear in my voice just how excited I am to get out of this studio? That family beach trip is right around the corner and there will be no rest for the weary there either.

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We will be running around fun in the sun and I will be bringing along some Liquid IV to help get the most out of these old bones on warm beach days. Liquid IV helps me stay hydrated so I can take on the activities and feel better for longer. Liquid IV is easy to use, it's convenient, and it tastes great. And I'll certainly have some in my bag that I'm taking to the beach.

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There's true-to-fruit flavors to keep me hydrated. Flavors like lemon-lime or pina colada with their hydration multiplier. Or if I want to keep my beach body slim and trim, I'll use a sugar-free flavor like raspberry lemonade, white peach, or rainbow sherbet.

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That's 20% off your first order with code commercial at liquidiv.com. Get that bathing suit out, pack a bag, throw in some Liquid IV and take on the summer with Extraordinary Hydration. liquidiv.com and use the code commercial. Thanks to Liquid IV for being a sponsor of the commercial break.

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Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there. Happy belated Mother's Day and a happy Mother's Day to you. Happy stepmother's day to you.

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Thank you.

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And to my beautiful wife, Astrid, and my own mom and all the other mothers that are out there. We got a lot of happy Mother's Day messages from our fans. And I thought that was a very sweet thing to think about.

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Very sweet.

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Yeah, like honestly, like 12 or 13, you know, different messages about Happy Mother's Day and some of them naming Astrid specifically. And I think some of them know that you have some stepchildren. And so what did you do for Mother's Day? Was there any celebration?

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We did. We celebrated. We went over to Jeff's mom's.

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And how was that?

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It was amazing. Yeah? What did you guys do? We had a little wine and a little cheese and crackers. And everybody gathered around the TV so Jeff could show the river beat. She wanted to see what her son had been up to.

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What was it, like pictures?

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Yeah, pictures and video.

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Oh, okay. Video that was like professionally taken?

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Okay.

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When did we get to see that?

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It's on. It's on social media right now.

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Oh, it's on social media. Okay. I don't think that's popped up on my social media yet. Of course, my algorithm is crazy. It's special. It is crazy fucking wackadoo. It really is. And we'll get to it later on this week. What's popping up in my feed a lot are – remember we talked about light language girl? Yeah. We busted her chops for a while.

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We thought it was kind of nutty that this girl was speaking like this made-up language, pretending she was communicating with the Palladians or whatever. Palladians, yeah. And she had dog shit in the background. It was really kind of strange, the whole thing. Very pretty girl, dressed with glitter and stickers on her forehead.

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Now there are thousands, and I have to say thousands because I think it's in the thousands, of copycat women who are doing this, who are talking in this weird... Clearly made up. And I say this because I'm not I'm not necessarily a linguistics expert, but there are linguistics experts on social media and some of them have chimed in that they believe that this is all bullshit, too.

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They're like, this is not the way you would talk if you were just like babbling and speaking in tongues. And one of the linguistics said in one of the comments. I have done a lot of research on people speaking in tongues, and there are certain instances where people go into trances, and they speak in tongues, and it sounds nothing like this.

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This is someone trying to make up a language that sounds like Spanish and Chinese put together, right? It's some Spanish word, some Spanish dialect, some Chinese dialect. It's all kind of coming together. Anyway, so Jeff's mom, and we'll review that later on in the week. Just a little tasty Tina. I'm just priming your pump there, kids.

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Oh, for the light language.

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For the light language girls. We're going to review about 12 of them if we can get through it without throwing up. It's ridiculous. So Jeff's mom, so you went there. And now do the girls, Jeff's children, do they say happy Mother's Day to you?

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They do. That's very sweet. I know. Very, very sweet. Very, very sweet. I have a great relationship with them. I love them very much.

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They're very sweet girls. They're very nice.

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We had one of them with us. She's home from college for the summer. She was with us, so it was awesome.

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It takes a little getting used to having the girls home from summer. Now you've been used to having an empty nest over there, huh?

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Yeah, no more naked cooking.

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I'd just tell her you can't come down on Tuesday nights. That's what I'd say. I'd say you don't want to come down on Tuesday nights. Yeah, stay upstairs.

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Turn the music up. Volume at 50.

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Yeah, but no, we love having her home, but it is a little adjustment.

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I do. I get it. I understand. I was talking to you yesterday. We do this three times a year. The in-laws come or Gustavo or somebody comes in. Oh, speaking of Gustavo, check this out. Ready?

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Yay!

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It's almost like mariachi. It is.

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Well, I asked it to do flamenco, but I think it went a little left. So, in case you don't know, I'm having fun with my new AI music recorder. Yeah, I put in some lyrics and I give it some direction and it goes wildly out of control and makes up these crazy shit. Well, you know, I said to the kids, I said, okay, listen, kids...

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Yeah. What did you do? Is this what you did?

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This is really, really difficult because when you have younger kids that have minds of their own that can now speak full sentences and have no idea what a secret is, this is really difficult to do because they are desperate to say anything that comes to their mind.

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Oh, yeah.

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It's to the point where, like, I told Astrid the other day, I said, I would love to finish a sentence. I would just love to finish a sentence. That's what I would love to do. I'm trying to teach the kids, like, you have to say, excuse me, wait until the conversation is over. There's a break in the conversation. And then you can jump in. But they are Venezuelan. And I don't know what to tell you.

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They're Venezuelan. So they just talk over us. That's what they do. Because that's what Venezuelans do. So I say to them, okay, so one of my kids, one of my daughters, is desperate to decorate the entire household with 700 balloons, streamers, and pictures that she's going to draw on every wall. And I said, well, how many of them do you think you want to do? And she said, maybe 100.

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And I said, 100? Yeah, on this wall. And I go, and what about that wall? And she goes, maybe 100. Okay. And so she's going down the hallway going 100 here and 100 there and 100 here. And I said, well, you better get drawn because this is going to take a long time. We got like eight days. Right.

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So she's so, you know, there's like she draws and then the picture goes in the basket and then she draws the picture goes in the basket and then the other kids jump in. It's so sweet. It is so sweet. But I know Astrid. I know her. And this is what Astrid is going to say to me if I go to the store and I buy decorations, streamers, and flowers.

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Right? Yes. She's going to say to me.

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Where the money could have been spent.

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Yeah, where the money could have been spent. We do not have anybody from Dubai offering us a $700 million plane.

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Right.

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either on the podcast or off the podcast, right? We get free five-hour energy. That's...

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And an air freshener.

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And an air freshener. That's where we're at, okay? We got really fancy plug-in air fresheners and shitloads of five-hour energy for the 12 hours of TCB.

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And a good Harry's razor.

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Yeah, and a good Harry's razor.

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I like a good Harry's razor.

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And every time, like, Bowling Branch or one of those mattress places sends us an email, would you advertise? We get so excited. But then they do the kind where we don't have to read it, so they don't have to send it to us because that's not the type of podcast we are. No, you're not like a mattress kind of podcast. Not that kind of podcast.

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You're like $25 in credits to my online jewelry store kind of podcast. So anyway, so I say, all right, kids, listen. I know your mother and I know exactly what she wants. She wants a day away from you. That's what she wants. She wants a day away from you and me. If we're being real honest about it, she wants us all to just leave her alone because that's what mothers can really enjoy.

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They want to be around their children. But at this age, they really don't want to be like they want a break from the kids.

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Right. Because the kids have a break.

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Of course it is. And I know that I'm not an idiot. So I say to all the kids, I say, okay, listen, now here's just a little insight into how it works at the green household. I am just a little bit longer in the tooth than my wife. I am older than my wife. I am not the youngest father that has ever lived, not the oldest. But I'm getting pretty close. I'm getting pretty close.

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It might feel like it on certain days.

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It does feel like it on certain days. So, and I also do a lot for the podcast. And a lot of those hours are night hours because it's really difficult to get anything done.

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Spent making the AI.

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Yes, spent making it. Spent!

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Long, tired, tireless hours.

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that's by the way people went crazy they loved it it was in my head yeah it was it was in my head also i'm with you guys it also caught on to me too i i actually was playing it in here the other night it was late i was sitting here watching a television show and i was like let me put that in let me just listen to that jam thanks ai ai made me an earworm um

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So I say to the kids, oh, so how it works here is I stay up late. Astrid gets up early.

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Yes.

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And then we got a good system. And then we swap during the day. Like if I'm not recording, I'll try and help out with the kids and pick them up from school. I do bath times. I usually put people to bed. That's kind of my thing. Right. So and I play with them so she can get some work done during the evening hours.

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So we have this like little good backing system and it fits the natural rhythm of our natural clocks. I tend to be up. I just tend to be a person who stays up a little bit later.

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And when I say later, I mean like 1130. It's not like I'm partying hard. So 95% of the time, 90% of the time, Astrid's up before I am. I often get up to take kids to school, but she's still up a little bit before I am. So I know that a good present for Astrid, like any good father does, is the obligatory, I'll get up with the kids this time so you can sleep in. One day a year, you get to sleep in.

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Yes. Look at me. I'm such a gentleman. One day a year, go for it, girl. I mean, unless you're sick. If you're sick, then maybe there's two days a year. So I said to all the kids, wake me up first. Don't wake your mom up. Wake me up. Wake me up first. So now, just the way that it happens to be, I was sleeping in one room with one of the kids who were, like, trying to separate from our house.

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5.50 alarm goes off. I know that's fucking early, isn't it?

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My eyes. I know.

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Your eyes. You just went to sleep. Chrissy just went to sleep. Right. Yeah. Chrissy went back to sleep. For a river beach, I just went to sleep. Yeah, I know. 5.50, alarm goes off, but I notice there's no commotion, and the kid I'm sleeping with, he's not up yet. So I'm like, okay, all right, I'm going to get a couple extra minutes here.

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Hit the snooze button, go back to bed, and then all of a sudden, a couple of the girls run in the room, like 10 minutes later. So I do this trick where I'm like, hi girls. And they're like so excited. They're like, it's mommy's day. It's mommy's day. We got to get the decorations. And I'm like, we are definitely going to do that. But the stores don't open for another couple of hours.

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So why don't you come in bed and let's do a cuddle bugle. So now it's like me and 13 children in this queen size bed. And I'm just like holding them as tight as I can, sleeping, hoping that none of them moves. If anybody's ever had children, then you know this. If the kids are moving, then they're up. But if they're not moving, then they're asleep.

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And sometimes if you hug them tightly, it's as if you're suffocating them and they can't move so that they continue to stay asleep. Just hug them tighter, right? So here's me. I literally have two piled on top of me, one over here, one over here. We're all like this, and everything's fine until Blue starts barking. Blue starts growling. Growling?

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Growling.

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Yeah, she's growling because she wants food, bitch. She's like, outside the door scratching.

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Yes, she can hear me. She's mad at me because I'm making fun of her. So we get up, 6.15, we get up, and these kids are begging me, begging me to go to the store and to buy stuff. And I'm like, guys, listen to me. If we're going to spend money on mom, and we are, the best thing that we can do is allow her to spend it in the way that she sees fit. Let her go have a day. Let's not spend money.

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I know that the streamers sound nice, but that's stuff mommy then is going to feel like she needs to clean up. Right. That's true, too. Yeah. And they are getting so upset. They want to go to the store. And I know why they want to go to the store.

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Because they want the streamers. They want the balloons.

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So I said, here's what we're going to do. I'm going to go get the art cart, which is a cart full of art stuff. I'm going to get the art cart. Everyone make a card. I had bought cards for them to sign and stuff. We're going to sign cards, okay? And then when mommy wakes up, we're going to surprise her with that.

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And then me and some other people in the family, we all went in together, hair, nails, massage, facial, dinner, right? Oh, nice. We're not going to do that on Mother's Day. Why aren't we going to do that on Mother's Day, gentlemen? Because Mother's Day is the worst possible day to do any of that shit.

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They're going to be waiting in line, aggravated and tired by the end of the day because everything is crazy crowded because mothers go on strike on Mother's Day. And as they should. So, you know, so it's me at 6.15 in the morning till almost about 10 with these children.

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And I got to tell you, Chrissy, like every other father who can resonate with the following statement I'm about to make, a newfound respect. for everything that goes on before I usually even open up my eyes. The constant need for feeding. And I don't know what the fuck to make. I'm literally making Eggos with like melted Nestle crunch bars on there. You know what I'm saying?

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That's what I'm doing. I'm like, I burned myself three times just trying to make an Eggo. I'm just trying to make an Eggo. It's not that hard to put in the toaster. I'm sticking my finger in there. I'm just I'm all kind of one of my daughters doesn't like it. She wants something else. I said, what do you want? She goes, I don't know. Eggs and eggs. Can you make me eggs? I said, Eggies.

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Yeah, I can scramble up some eggs. No eggs. And here's the crazy thing. The night before, Esther's doing some online shopping, like, you know, the Walmart delivery, Kroger delivery, whatever it is. She looks at me, and she goes, hon, I'm doing some shopping. Do you need anything? And I go, no, I'm good. That's always my answer. No, I'm good. And I always need something, but I'm like, no, I'm good.

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And I end up... Can't think of anything. Hey, hon, what... I need some cream. I asked you. So I said, no, I'm good. And she goes, you sure? I go, yeah. She goes, you don't want anything for tomorrow? And I go, no, I don't. I didn't understand what she meant. And then when I'm looking for the eggs, I understand what she meant.

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She meant, you dumb dumb, you're going to need to feed these kids something besides Nestle Crunch Bars in the morning.

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So I don't have anything. So what do I do? I take like some Hawaiian rolls, slather it with butter, throw some Mexican cheese on it, and make myself like a grilled cheese. Cheese toast. Cheese toast.

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Cheese toast was a staple in my house growing up.

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I burned it. I burned it. I burned it. And my daughter, who's so young, she's like, eh, grossy. I'm like, well, fuck you. What do you want me to do? Mom will be up in like three hours.

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Here's some milk. You want some milk? I'm feeding them milk, juice boxes.

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Fish crackers.

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Yeah, anything. Goldfish.

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I'm just, I'm stuffing anything in their mouth. But man, it was hard. That three hours, three, four hours. Yeah, it is. I mean, it wasn't hard, hard, but it was like, I was, you know, I'm feeling it. I'm tired. I'm tired. The only common sense that I had in my head was to get to bed early. Oh, good. You had a little gas in the tank.

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I know if I go past midnight, no matter what the situation, I'm going to be tired. But if I can get to bed, if I can be in the bed by 10 o'clock, then I feel like I'll be okay if I wake up at 6 in the morning. So Astrid gets up and the kids are on the... I let the kids have the iPad while I was cooking. Of course you did. Of course I did. Because I don't know what to do.

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We're not like an iPod family.

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This is like a Mr. Mom, back from the Mr. Mom movie.

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It so is. I'm just so bad at all this stuff. And so the kids are all crowded around this one iPad playing whatever game, you know, SpongeBob Square... Whatever the fuck they're playing. SpongeBob SquarePants. I'm in the pantry. Astrid walks into the kitchen and... And I can hear her go, hey, guys. Like, you know, hey, good morning.

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And I'm doing something in the pantry and I don't hear anything in response. And then I hear it again. Hi, guys. Nothing in response. So I throw the thing down in the pantry and I pop my head out and I go, hey, hey, your mother. And the kids look at me and they're like, and then they go back to the iPad and I go, your mother is up. It's Mother's Day. And one of the kids goes, hey, mom.

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And I'm like, oh, my God. Get the fucking iPad out of your hand and go say hello to your mother. The same woman. Oh, let me tell you, when we were talking about the whole, like, you know, having this big argument and conversation about streamers and balloons and all this other stuff, I said, guys, this is just not what mommy would want us to spend the money on for. I promise you.

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And one of my kids, so fucking cute, looked at me and he goes... We could open up my piggy bank and use my money. And I go, oh, that's very sweet, brother.

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But that's because you want the streamers, not me. Exactly. But it's not about that. But if you do have a 20 in there, I could use it to buy eggs. So anyway, Astrid gets up, and then I handled the kids for a while. Then I put one of them down for a nap, and then we went to Grandma Kiki's house.

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I was wondering if you went to Kiki's. My mom's house.

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We went to Kiki's retirement village.

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I figured you were going to go there.

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And man, let me tell you something. What? I bet it was a scene. Grandma Kiki's Retirement Village is a scene on any day of the week. But on Mother's Day with small children in tow, it is like, I don't know how to say this. It's like an adventure race. You have to get around people you know are probably going to try and touch your children.

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You have to ignore people who you know are a little bit loony. Like a Pac-Man? Yes, like Pac-Man. You have to eat all the things and get away from all the ghosts.

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The ghosts, which honestly, some of them are. All right, let's do this. Let's take a break and I'll tell you about Grandma Kiki's house, okay? All right, we'll be back.

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So, yeah. So we went to Grandma Kiki's house. So I told Astrid, I said, listen, let me take the kids over to my mom's house, over to my mom's place. Because, listen, Astrid loves my mom. Of course. And my mom is like, honestly, one of the sweetest, nicest people that you will ever meet in your life. And sometimes that works in her favor, and sometimes that grates on you a little bit, right?

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You understand what I'm saying?

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You've been there. I know you have this. And listen, and sometimes there's real challenges with dealing with my mom, and that's complicated, and I'm not going to explain it here on the commercial break. But if you're a therapist and want to do a free therapy session with me, yeah, when do we get free therapy? When is that coming? Five-hour energy? I love it. When am I going to get free therapy?

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You better help. Come on.

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Um, so I pack all the kids in the car and, or excuse me, I'm about to pack all the kids in the car. And then one of them gets the idea that grandma Kiki needs a present. Like we got her something in a card, but they need that. I need to give her a present. And I said, okay, what are you going to give her? Well, how about a Mickey mouse?

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And I'm like, Mickey mouse, like a toy you put in the bathtub, like a Mickey mouse toy you put in the bathtub. Um, Eh? Okay. I'm not sure Grandma Kiki's into Mickey Mouse. Do you have a Judge Judy or a Dr. Phil? Maybe that'd be more appropriate.

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Okay. All right. Or one of those Real Housewives or somewhere. That'd be cool. Okay. All right. You know, cool. You want to put a Mickey Mouse in there? Let's put a Mickey Mouse in there.

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I like the recycling. Yes. The upcycling.

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God knows we can get rid of the toys. If you want to give her 12 Mickey Mouses, we'd still have 12 to go. So they pick up Mickey Mouse. Then the other kids. I want to bring something to Grandma Kiki. Okay. You know, Paw Patrol. You know, I want to bring something to Grandma Kiki. You know, Taylor Swift book. Okay. All right.

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Then before I know it – and anybody with kids will absolutely understand this struggle – Each of them has a backpack full of toys. And these backpacks are like, weigh 20 pounds a piece. And I know exactly what that means. I'm going to be carrying the backpack into the fucking house. Into my mother's... I'm going to be lugging those things around the retirement village for three hours.

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And guess what? I lugged those things around the retirement village for three hours. Because as soon as we got out of the car, it's like, I'm so tired.

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You didn't carry it at all. I put it in the car. It was on the floor. I drove here. The car did all the hard work.

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Before anyone has a seven alarm meltdown, I'm like, fuck. Now I've got all the backpacks. I've got diaper bags. I've got backpacks. I've got water bottles. I don't know what I'm carrying. I might be carrying a child. I'm not sure. I don't know. Who knows? I'm going into Grandma Kiki's house. And before... This is a retirement home, guys. It's one big apartment building.

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You know, gracious living retirement home or whatever the fuck. And there's a pergola in front, like a parking pergola in front, like every one of those has where everybody gets dropped off right. And you can't find a parking space near a pergola. But luckily... It's packed. I have smartly decided to go in between the hours of lunch and dinner.

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Because as soon as you walk into the place, there's the huge dining room. Yes. You know, like the cruise ship dining room. You know what I'm saying? Where every night, every single meal, the cruise director, the retirement home director, gives a speech, talks about the wonderful food. We have carrots with butt paste. And pork chops from three weeks ago and some mango salad.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of the show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. Do not attune your radios.

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It's going to be delicious. You're going to love it. And make sure to join us for bingo at 7. We're going to have retirement bucks. Collect 12 retirement bucks.

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And everyone gets excited. Oh, Hershey's Kisses. I love Hershey's Kisses. We're in for it, Chrissy. I'm telling you. It's coming soon. I'm making fun of it now, but I'm not going to be making fun of it when I'm the cruise ship director. But I'm the one doing that.

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Yeah, you and I could do it.

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Chair aerobics at 7 with Brandy. We're showing movies at 9 o'clock.

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Nine. Oh, that's way better.

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A.M., Chrissy. A.M. Before dinner at 1 p.m. We're showing movies in the theater room. Guess what we're showing tonight? We're showing a classic movie, Pulp Fiction. Ooh, I love Pulp Fiction. So I smartly go avoiding those hours. I know exactly what I'm doing. Yes, because if I go, first of all, my mom hates everybody in there.

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Until the kids show up, and then she loves everybody in there, and they all got to meet the kids. You know what I'm saying? When she's on the phone, she hates everybody. When we're there, everybody's her best friend, and she has to introduce.

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Brian, don't be like that. Brian, don't be like that. I have spent years in therapy getting over a few things in my life. When I was born, twins were not necessarily a thing. Like here, now, everybody's a twin.

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It is a Tuesday, but we have no infomercial because we're going to do enough of those on the 12 Hours of TCB to satisfy a fat cow. So settle down, everybody. We're good. There's going to be plenty of celebrity guests coming for the 12 Hours of TCB, so we figured let's just ease our way into it. You know what I'm saying, Chrissy? Yes, I do.

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Well, right, because of all that fertility.

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Yes, because of all the fertility and because just as the lineage goes on, twins, multiples are not that uncommon. You have to be like, you have to be a quintuplet now to get any kind of attention. You know what I'm saying? Twins, not that big of a deal. But when my brother and I were young, it was a big deal. There were very few twins. It wasn't a thing. And so guess what?

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I was like that Mickey Mouse doll. I got carted around in the back of a bag 24 hours a day to be shown off to anybody and everybody. My mom would put us in, like, local... Kiwanis Club pageants where we would walk up and down in our cute little suits and ties dressed exactly alike.

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And anytime we were with my mother or with one of my grandmothers, we would be shown off, I swear to God, as if we were the Mona fucking Lisa. Yeah, but when you're six, everybody's identical. You know what I'm saying? Everybody looks alike at six. And Kevin and I have never really looked alike. But at a young age, we were. Yeah, I could see that. I hate this. I hate being shown off.

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And I don't want my kids to feel that same way. I really don't want them to feel like they're little things that get paraded around. It's just a thing. I don't know. It's a thing. I hate it. It's a trigger for me. So I don't want to subject my children to this. And I know that this retirement village is the place where this thing is going to happen.

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So I try and shield my children a little bit from it. We don't even get to the fucking pergola. And there's 12 cars pulling up. You know, everyone's pulling up to drop their mom off. Yeah, they're all dropping their mom and they're all getting out with their walkers.

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Meanwhile, this woman has wild pink hair that you can see through. It's like transparent hair. Right in the sun. Yes. It's insane. Because it's white.

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Teeth rattling, falling out.

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We walk in those sliding glass doors, and there's Kinky right there, sitting in her wheelchair right there.

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Plus, there's only so much time in the day and so many people that will agree to do an episode of the commercial break.

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Okay. All right. The old when I was your age.

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Yeah, the old when I was your age. So I'm like... And by the way, to be clear, there are a few people that my mom is actually like friendly with. One of them is named Barbara, and she's a lovely woman. She's like completely normal, actually. She's like, you know, just very nice. She comes in. She says hi. She doesn't like, you know, overdo it. She's like, hi.

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She talks to the kids like they're human beings. I think part of the challenge. sometimes with the older folks, is they're in such amazement that somebody could be that young.

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Yes, so stay tuned. Lots of great guests coming up, including, I'll name two. Why not name two? Just give them a little Tasty Tina.

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Yeah, it's such a long time ago.

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It's such a long time ago. And I understand. I do get it. I absolutely understand. And actually, I'm being kind of a dick about it, but I do like the fact that youth brings youth. Youth brings energy. Youth brings smiles. It's fun to see kids in this age. Listen, I'm pretty old too, and I get a lot of enjoyment out of the youth of my children. Right.

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It's just they are really cute.

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Sometimes the way people come about it is a little it's like I can see why my children get a little nervous because I remember being like that. I remember like, oh, you know. So I go, OK, Kiki. All right. So my mom, she's like, I got to ask something. And I'm like, oh, OK. Can you give it to her? Of course, mom. I'll give it to her. What is it? And she hands me this plant.

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It's a silk plant in fake water. Do you know what I'm talking about?

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Yes, I've seen those. The fake water.

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It's like glue that's supposed to be water or whatever.

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Okay.

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A little Tasty Tina. Returning guest, Reggie Watts, a three-peater. And a two-time all-star commercial break interviewee, Tom Papa. I couldn't be more excited to have those two on board. Those just tickle more than the cockles of my heart. Because Tom and Reggie, both wonderful guests on the commercial break. A lot of great feedback when they've been on.

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Okay.

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So I say, Mom, can we go in somewhere? Can we go into like a place or something? A room, yeah.

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And I'm like, I do not want to bring the kids up to your room because her room is just a room with a TV that is always blaring. And like, you know, I just don't want the kids to go up there and get into things and – It's a lot. Yeah, my mom takes a lot of medicines.

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Some of them are on the floor.

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There's like a whole scene going on up there. If one of the medicines drops, it's just on the floor. And then some lady comes, picks it up two weeks later, right? Okay, takes it. I'm not sure what's going on. So we go to the activities room. And in the activities room, there are some things at least for the children to do. But, you know, it's also someone else's house, essentially.

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So you don't want the kids, like, going ham wild. But they have, like, a Plinko board. You know Plinko?

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You know, dun-dun-da-dun. Yeah. Price is right. Yeah, where you drop it from the top and it's... Yes, yes. They have a Plinko board that plays the music of The Price is Right.

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Oh, that's amazing.

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And it like lights up when you.

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Oh, that's super cool.

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Oh, it was all. I was excited about that. I'm like, oh, shit, that's cool. So I'm over there playing it. They have a piano. Now, one of my kids all of a sudden is Chai fucking Kowski. He's over there just banging on the piano. And they have an ice cream machine.

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Oh.

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Now, God bless the ice cream machine. I know this is the coolest thing. And I know this is part of the reason why the kids want to go over there because it would be for me too. They have an ice cream machine. Half the time it works. Half the time it doesn't.

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Like the McDonald's. Like the McDonald's.

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And by the way, it is a McDonald's ice cream machine. That's what it is. I think it's the same company because I worked at McDonald's and I know it's the exact same thing. I also know they're difficult to clean. They're difficult to maintain. And what's coming out of there is probably half mold, half ice cream. Like, I don't know. I have no idea. But the kids love it.

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And they have the, you know, so, okay. So let's have some ice cream. All right. It's chocolate ice cream today or whatever mix they're putting in there. Okay, great. It's going everywhere. One of my daughter's white dresses is just full of chocolate. But I'm just like, whatever. Just let them have it. It's great. Wonderful.

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Yeah, you have to let go at some point. Yeah, you do have to let go. Whatever. Yes.

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My mom starts playing with a couple of the girls and she's like one of the girls brought like a comb and these like rainbow hair extensions that you can put in like the little girl's hairs. Right. And so she brings it over. And so my mom's putting it on her. And then all of a sudden I noticed that the younger one is combing my mom's hair. And I'm thinking to myself, that's a wig. That's a wig.

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Yeah. That's a wig. Oh, no. That's a wig. And the more that she's combing it, the more I can see.

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It's moving. It's moving.

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It's moving. And I'm like, oh, and I don't think my mom notices. And then the older daughter is putting the rainbow purple thing in her hair. My mom looks like a crazy person. This entire thing is going on, and as I'm sitting there in this activities room, I've noticed there is a man who's not that old, who's probably in his early 60s, who's sitting over there, and he's watching this whole thing.

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And so I'm very excited to have them with us. Excuse me, Chrissy. I have to look here in my...

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He's the only other person in the room. In the activity room? In the activity room. Kind of strangely just sitting there, right?

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Yeah, that's kind of weird.

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Yeah, kind of weird. And so, okay.

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He's just sitting there?

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He's sitting there watching.

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Just watching.

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Just watching. And I thought, hmm, okay. Got it. Well, you know, I guess. What can you do? It's an activities room. I mean, you know, what am I going to do? Can you leave? I mean, it's not my house. It's his house.

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Or I think it's his house. I don't know. Meanwhile, you know, people are coming in and out.

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That's right. I mean, this is the exact same thing that used to happen when I was a kid. I know. It's crazy. It's the same everywhere.

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in my uh roadcaster to find something very special for everybody if you just give me a second there's very exciting very exciting news coming out of um i don't know if you've heard actually we were on air when this happened so i think everybody has heard oh now just leave it to my roadcaster to now fall apart nope there it is okay if you don't mind chrissy a moment of reverence

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I bombed those bastards. And I'm like, oh, yeah, which war was that? I don't remember. People are coming in and out, but still the guy, the guy. And I'm like, okay. He's just over there and he's like, he's got a mouth agape. He's staring. Really? And I think to myself, that's just, I don't like this. Like, it's a little weird. Yeah.

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So we suffer through about, I don't know, hour and a half of this. And I say, okay, kids, come on, wrap it up. I told your mom we'd be home at 530 because it's dinner time. Or I said, I told your mom we'd be home at five because it's dinner time.

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Mm-hmm.

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Dinner's at 5.30!

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This is the guy?

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This is the guy. I'm sorry? I'm sorry? You said dinner's at 5. Dinner's at 5.30! Okay, I think you're right about that.

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Now, this is my kids.

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Got it. 10-4. Mom, shut up. No dinner. Kids, get in the car now. Let's go.

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I'm now trapped in a hellhole.

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Oh, my God.

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Meanwhile, this ice cream machine, all of a sudden, at the end, went on the blitz, and it started making this unholy racket. And one of my daughters was like, loud, loud, loud, 530. Oh, it's all seen. Oh, God. It was, Chrissy. It was chaos for like three minutes. I didn't know what to do. It was one of those moments as a father when you're like, oh, shit. Have kids, they said.

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It'll be fun, they said.

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Kids eat free. What is this, Bojangles? I know.

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Yeah, that's right. Kids eat free. Okay. Roll my mom. Okay, mom. All right.

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So I start rolling my mom. My mom does one thing that I fucking hate. When I, like, the baby, the youngest of them, is like, now she's like, I think she's a little scared at all that's going on. You know, guy yelling, racket going on, loud noises. And so she's trying to, like, get up on me, but I'm pushing my mom. And so she runs to go get up to Grandma Kiki.

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And I said, babe, don't get up there because I don't know how secure that is, right? I don't want anybody falling. I don't want my mom hurting or anything like that. And my mom just grabs her and puts her on. My mom completely ignores my requests as a parent. She just does not. She never. If I say something, she does the opposite. My mom is like a little child herself in that way.

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And it's like, Mom, you got to respect the fact that I'm a parent and you got to respect what I my wishes with my children. But I let it slide. It's Mother's Day. OK, whatever. So so we go, we push her, we get to the elevator. Are you ready for this? I don't know. We're rolling to the elevator.

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And when we're rolling to the elevator, I see down this long hallway, someone is coming in like a side entrance, a man and a woman. And all of a sudden, my mom does this like crazy like –

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And I'm like, oh God. She's got her hands waving in the air.

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She's waving them like, come. Joan! And I'm like, oh God. I thought we were almost out of here. And there's like people. They're so close. Yeah, there's people gathering for dinner. Ten seconds earlier, you would have made the elevator. That's it. And I go, Mom, we really got to go.

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And I'm like, they can't move any faster, Mom. I think they're traveling at the speed they're comfortable with. So eventually, Joan and her husband, Owen, I think his name was, very, very nice people. Very nice people. And then let me tell you why they're nice people. Okay. So, you know, it's chaos.

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Look at you. I'm a handsome young man. Turned out to be. And then he looks at me and he goes, you look entirely too old to be her grandkid. Ha, ha, ha. I'm like, okay, that's a good one. Thanks. And, yeah. And then this lady, Joan, goes, well, I know this face. And I go, oh, I don't think we've met before. And she goes, we haven't met before, but I know your podcast. And I go, oh.

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And now I had explained to my mother that it's probably a bad idea to be spreading around the podcast because it's a bit on the racy side sometimes. So my mom pipes right in the middle of this conversation and she goes, well, Brian told me the podcast can be kind of racy. And Joan goes, well, that's one way to put it. Here I am. Mother's Day at a retirement village. And I I'm not even safe.

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No, I'm not even safe in the retirement village. Not at Starbucks. Not at Kroger. I didn't even tell you the story that I walked around a corner at Kroger and one of the stock guys or whoever he was is listening to our fucking show on break. He's sitting outside smoking a cigarette. I hear my voice. I don't even think I told Astrid this. And he's listening to the commercial break.

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And I know that he is because I saw his phone and I saw our cover. He was listening to it. You think I said something? Fuck no, I didn't say anything. I walked right by. But it was kind of cool. I got to say, kind of cool. I was like, all right, cool. I don't know who he was. I don't know who the guy was or what he did at Kroger, but he had one of those like, you know, like stock boy frocks on.

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He was a little bit older in age, but he was listening to one of our episodes from last week. And I was like, holy shit, really? Now, that certainly is the first time that's ever happened. I've never heard our show out in the wild. But anyway, so Joan goes, well, that's one way to put it.

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It's like... It's like what I've said. Kelly's mother-in-law was, you know, I listened to the podcast.

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And I was like, yeah.

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And then that was it. That's it.

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That's the only conversation. So I said, well, kids, we got to go.

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And that's when I said, it's not for everybody.

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The Pope is chosen. That's right. That's right. Papa. Oh, listen to that. A little flute.

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When you start talking like that.

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Brian, what time are we recording tomorrow? Oh, the adventures in Retirement Home continue.

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At the very least, I know that every time I go to that Retirement Home, I'm coming away with something to talk about. Yeah, that's it. I should go there more often.

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Astrid said somebody wrote on our YouTube, and I got to give you credit, whoever you are. I love this podcast, but only Brian. I think he said only Brian or only we or whatever. Only Brian would think of a name. Of a thing we all hate listening and watching. Fair enough. Fair enough. That is fair. That is fair. It's fair. No one likes the commercial break. Good observation. The commercial break.

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No one likes it. That's our new tagline. The commercial break. No one likes it. All right. Everyone settle down. We got more work to do. All right. So save it. Save it for the next one. All right.

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Starting at 9 or 10 a.m. Just pay attention. You'll figure it out. And I'll explain why during the 12 hours of TCB. At least 12 back-to-back episodes of The Commercial Break. Raise awareness for your mental health, everyone's mental health. Also, to celebrate five years of doing this show, six seasons, we'll be reviewing it all. We'll be reviewing it all on May 31st.

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5:30!!

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If you want to call in and participate, 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3TCB. Text us and we'll let you know how you can participate. At The Commercial Break on Instagram. TCB Podcast on TikTok. YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break. For all the episodes on video, same day they air here on audio at tcbpodcast.com. Keep up with all the comings and goings. Get your free sticker.

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Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now.

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I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. I'll say best to you. Once early. Until next time, we must say, we will say, we do say, goodbye.

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Hobby is pumping, everybody. A Pope is chosen. And he is from the north side of Chicago. Excuse me. He is from the south side of Chicago.

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Couldn't be more—I mean, listen, as a guy from Chicago, as a Catholic from—a Reformed Catholic from Chicago, I do have to say that my grandparents are probably rolling in their graves right now to think, to the thought that an American pope would be from the south side of Chicago is very exciting news for a lot of people.

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And even though I am far removed from the dogma of the Catholic religion, I do have to say there was a little tickle in my pickle—

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A nice little salute flag.

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Yeah, a little scratch in my scritch. I just thought to myself, how wonderful that the new pope would be from the same place that I was born. The mean streets. The mean streets of suburbia Chicago. The mean streets of the south side of Oak Forest, Illinois. O.K.C. Forrest.

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Yeah, that was the hand sign.

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Yeah, that's right. O.A.K., baby.

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O.A.K.

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I'm from the O.A.K. What up?

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What up, Leo? This sent everybody into a tizzy. Now, Chrissy and I were here recording when the white smoke puffed, when the pumpum was officially pumped out. They found out maybe it's pumpum. When the white smoke poured out, everybody was going crazy in the Vatican, and a lot of people on TV were also going crazy.

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Oh, yeah. I was watching a thing where there were people that traveled there especially just to see it, and they're not even Catholic.

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They're not even Catholic.

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They just always dreamed of being there when the Pope was announced.

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Not a dream of mine, but okay. I'd much rather watch it on TV. I went to the Vatican when the Pope wasn't even in the Vatican. And I got to tell you, it was a crowded place. I can't imagine being there when there's half a million people. It was crazy. The Vatican, if you haven't been, is the smallest country on earth. And it is tiny. I mean, five city square blocks.

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I mean, five square city blocks. That's it. And so to pack all those people in there to see habeas pumpum. And the guy looks like a tiny little dick. I mean, he's up like 16 stories in the air. He comes out on the balcony and he waves and he's got his robes on and his little pumpum hat. Yeah, his little pumpum hat. He looks very cute up there. He's very cute. That's a mile away.

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But everybody is very excited. I saw one couple had just gotten married at the Vatican. Oh, wow. with their Catholic pastor in tow. So they went to the Vatican to get married. I guess this is a thing you could do. Had I known that, still wouldn't have gotten married at the Vatican, but okay.

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Yeah, that seems pretty, like, you know people.

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Listen, they were in their 70s, and they were from, I think they were from Chicago, or maybe it was Indianapolis. I can't remember. There was, like, a number of people they were talking to on the news, but... This old couple was so excited. I mean, this guy hadn't had a boner in 30 years, and you could see it through the screen.

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He had such a boner that he was there when the Pope was picked on his wedding weekend. It was so exciting for him. And I thought, there is zero sex happening in that marriage.

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And I thought, oh, God, no one's getting laid in that relationship. No one.

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Why? That might be their turn on. Hey, listen. That might be their kink.

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Hey, listen, to each their own. Pope kink. There is a, the Pope kink. I don't see those two as the kind that watch The Young Pope, but hey, listen, maybe. The Young Pope was wild. I love that show. You got to get to that show.

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It's so good. Well, what I did get to over the weekend of my weekend recovery was-

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You've got to talk to Jeff and say, hey, we've got to rearrange the schedule.

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Yeah, and I'm getting ready to go back again for the big barbecue thing. That won't be as wild and crazy.

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Says the girl who said that every time. You say that about every event.

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No, I mean, all the music from this past time was a big thing. This is going to be the focus is going to be more on the barbecue, which I'm very excited to taste. Smokeslam, second year.

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Smokeslam. Second year in Memphis.

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When is that? It's next week. It's this weekend.

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Give the dates because, you know, in case people are listening. What is the date of this weekend? Oh, it's May 15th and 16th. No, May 16th and 17th, I think is what it would be.

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Okay. Okay. Let's see. Yes.

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16th and 17th.

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It's the 15th through the 17th.

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Oh, 15th through the 17th.

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Smoke Slam Memphis.

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If you're there, buy tickets.

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Yes. That's the thing. But... Anyways, while I was recovering over the weekend, I thought, well, wait a minute. I've been really fascinated with all the Pope stuff. And you talked about a CNN Presents documentary that you listened to. And I found it on Max. And so I watched it. Oh, you did? Six episodes. It was fantastic. It's fascinating. It's wild. It tells the very beginning stories from St.

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Peter and how, you know, the whole thing started. Basically, like, just Christianity, the whole thing.

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Yeah.

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And then the split-offs and the Eastern Orthodox and this, that, Constantinople, all the popes.

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Istanbul is Constantinople.

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It made me think of that song. Istanbul is Constantinople. It made me think of that song.

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I thought that song was great.

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Then there was the whole Renaissance period where they had mistresses and were having children. And the whole thing was intertwined with the families of Italy. So later down the line, there had to be a big reformation. But anyway, it was very fascinating.

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For all intents and purposes, the pope acted like a king for a long time. The king of everybody. The king of everybody, of everything, of anybody. And a lot of craziness happened. I'm not going to go through the whole pope's history, but I will say this. is that the Reformation, when the Reformation happened, only then were priests and the Pope celibate for a long time.

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The Pope was not only not celibate, he had wives and mistresses and all kind of crazy crap. And so, you know, I got a text message, and I'll share this because it wasn't – I don't think it was combative. I think it was trying to be instructive about how priests should be celibate because it's their – I understand the line of thinking. I'm not that dense.

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And I grew up Catholic, so I got the whole thing. But I just... I would love it if we would look at our priests and our popes and our cardinals a little bit more like humans and a little bit like vessels directly to God. Because if we did that, then we could understand that they're fallible and we wouldn't follow them into the fire. Some people wouldn't follow them into the fire.

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I think, quite frankly, there'd be a little bit more empathy for them. I think, quite frankly, we'd all feel a little bit better if our priests and our pastors and our pope had the ability to go out and get laid. That's all I'm saying. Hey, listen, I know that's like a hot take, but I don't really think it's a hot take because I heard a lot of people talking about it on the news.

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Like there were newscasters who were asking priests and cardinals and deans of schools and, you know, people. prominent Catholics. Is this the Pope that could lead us into a time when we truly have some more like kind of open-minded thinking like the rest of the fucking world? I mean, rabbis are married, right? There's lots of, I think, Presbyterians, priests and pastors get married.

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Baptists certainly have wives, some of them many wives. I mean, listen, I'm not for that, but here's what I'm sharing. I think the Catholic religion- They give an inch. given it. Just the tip. What if we said just the tip? Yeah. What if we said just the tip? No shaft, just the tip, just the tip. Wouldn't that make everybody feel better? I think it would make the priests feel better.

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I'll tell you that right now. Let them blow off a little steam. Let them get an EPM in once in a while. I think this makes everybody a little bit more connected to humanity because in my opinion, and it's my humble opinion, The streets to God, or whatever you want to call it, whatever your version of God is, the streets to God are paved inside your body.

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inside your spirit, not outside your spirit. We're all human. We're all fallible. We all make mistakes. And if we're asking our priests to be celibate, that's a big ask. It's a big ask. It's like one of the human conditions. And wouldn't it be cool if your priest had like kids? Like, you know what I'm saying?

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I'd feel a lot more connected maybe to a church anywhere if my priest had kids and then I could, you know, pawn mine off on or something like that. I don't know. Right now, you know, single dude, never had sex before ever in his life, babysitting my kids. Uh-uh. Not going to happen. It's not going to happen. I'm sorry. It's just not. Anyway, new pope from Chicago.

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International Luuuv!

1002.934

Wir werden zurückkommen. Ich habe eigentlich ein paar Tage vor uns recherchiert. Sie sind noch da. Sie sind? Ja, sie sind wenig und weit zwischen, aber sie sind noch da. Sie sind nicht so laut und stolz, wie sie vorher waren.

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International Luuuv!

1011.78

Once a few commoners went up there, took a few photographs and said, I really did go to space, I came back and the earth indeed is round, or at least the part that I saw is spherical. Some people, all of a sudden they went away. Remember there was that leader of the group and he said, being a flat earther is great for my love life.

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International Luuuv!

1034.009

Right, right. He was the leader.

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International Luuuv!

1038.169

Another male in charge of another group, another leader of some shit-knock organization trying to convince people that the world is flat with edges. That's what happens.

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International Luuuv!

1048.712

Oh, God.

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International Luuuv!

1049.312

But anyway, I have zero interest in going to space as it stands right now. And I really did never want to be the President of the United States either. No. It's a big job. I think the most I aspire to ever be... And talk about being famous.

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International Luuuv!

1066.636

No. Nein, es gibt keine Kante deiner Leben, die nicht aufgehängt wird. Ich meine, hör mal, in der heutigen Gesellschaft kannst du jemanden sein und es gibt keine Kante deiner Leben, die nicht aufgehängt wird. Das ist nur die Realität der Welt, in der wir leben. Wir leben fast in einem seltsamen, dystopischen Nanny-Stand, wo du es herausfinden kannst.

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International Luuuv!

1085.287

Ein 13-Jähriger mit einem running knowledge of Linux SQL servers can probably figure out every bit of your life. And that's a weird world to live in, but it is the one we live in. Thank God they didn't have ring doorbells when I was making out with people in the church. You know what I'm saying? Exactly. Oder FaceTime-Kameras oder so etwas.

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International Luuuv!

1105.398

Aber ich wollte nie Präsident werden, weil ich mit dir stimme. Ich wollte nie solche Entscheidungen für jemanden machen, wie große, lebensverändernde, weltweite, historische Veränderungen. Und die Leute, die da sein wollen, sind eine oder zwei Leute. They're either really altruistic or terrible fucking human beings. That's it. If you want that kind of power, you're like some weird evil narcissist.

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International Luuuv!

1133.03

And welcome to 2024. 2025, I should say. I mean, that's the truth. And that's why I think everybody who runs for president should be met with a little bit of skepticism. Just like a little bit of skepticism. But now I don't think anything disqualifies you from being president. I think we're there. I think we are full idiocracy. We are at full, we are at peak idiocracy.

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International Luuuv!

1161.862

Well, I mean, listen. Back to the Future, The Simpsons and to some degree Idiocracy all called this. They called this. Wally. I don't believe in like, you know, I do believe in the multiverse, but let's just back up from that for just one second. I don't want to spend the next 30 minutes explaining that to anybody. Ja. I forgot what I was saying.

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International Luuuv!

1213.847

All those movies called this and it seems really strange that they did, right? But I guess if you went back to 1982 and you just had a little bit of common sense, you would have seen it coming a mile away. I mean, that's just where we're at. That's just where we're at. So, all right, kids. Well, turn on your star link and change some votes.

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International Luuuv!

1234.236

And then when we come back, we're going to talk about, we're going to lighten it up a little bit. Chrissy has gotten into the 90 Day Fiancé. Oh, did I? Yeah, let's talk about it. Okay.

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International Luuuv!

125.318

Alright. Feeling renewed. I don't know if you noticed, but off with the news and back on with Catfish and Sister Wives here in the studio.

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International Luuuv!

1346.483

So tell me. So Chrissy and I, after the election, were commiserating with each other via text message. And the first thing Chrissy said was, I'm turning off the news. What's a good junkie TV show to get into? And since I know all the junkie TV shows.

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International Luuuv!

135.163

And 90 Day Fiancé. I will not turn on the news forever. I'm just not going to turn on the news forever and ever and ever. Amen. For those of us that were wishing for a different outcome in the election, it's nothing but Monday morning quarterbacking on the news and how terrible everything is and how terrible everything was.

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International Luuuv!

1360.595

I've got way too much time on my hands with 13 children, two jobs and a partridge in a pear tree. I said, hey, Chrissy. Why don't you turn on 90 Day Fiancé? Before the 90 days. And she has. We were talking about this last week.

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International Luuuv!

1371.141

Well, I think he's actually quadriplegic, but he has use of his hands. Just not full use. He can't move his fingers all the way. But So the guy really has a tough life, but he seems to do well on his own. He seems to be fully independent.

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International Luuuv!

1403.323

Okay, so he is married, he is wanting to get married.

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International Luuuv!

1407.327

He's been married four times?

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I'm sorry, you must be an asshole. How do you get married? I mean, unless you're getting married to the same person over and over again, like Chrissy's parents did, right? Getting married four times, I think, signals that either your picker is off or something's wrong with you. Don't you think? Like married four, or you just really love getting married. Four times.

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So this is his fifth?

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Yeah.

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Okay. I didn't catch that. But then again, I'm in here doing a million different things while I'm watching.

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Yes, you do. You do have to read the captions. So she is from Brazil. Is it Brazil? I think I said Mexico last week and I was wrong. She's from Brazil. Yeah, she seems really sweet.

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Yeah, I do like her too. So he is now down in Brazil, at least in the show. He is now down in Brazil and he is doing the obligatory, you know, meeting of the family. Friends. They're meeting for the first time face to face. Yeah. And he's trying to get to know her life down there.

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I don't know either. But he, so you can imagine that as a quadriplegic, he has a life that's much different than people who are not quadriplegic. There's a lot of things to think about that are much different, including literally just taking a shit in the morning.

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Like there are things that are much different and he's got to go down there and to some degree to show her what it's like to live with him because it's not, because she's going to need to care for him in some respect.

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Not 100% independent, because when you're quadriplegic, I can't imagine you are 100% independent ever, right? So he goes down there, perfectly lovely young lady. She has a daughter. She's divorced. She seems like she cares for this guy, genuinely. But there are the bumps and bruises that come along with living these two very different lifestyles. One abled and one handicapped.

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So I went to alternative places for news sources like that fucking excrement. I mean, I swear to God, X is like a cesspool. It's just a cesspool on both sides of the aisle. Because you know what I'm reading a lot of on X right now? And you know, obviously I live, I try my best to like... Ja, genau. Where is Trump?

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There's just two very different lifestyles. But People are people, no matter whether they're in a wheelchair or not. And some people are just dumb. And this guy, I don't know. Sometimes he doesn't seem like the brightest bulb. He seems like a sharp guy. But then he does stuff like, we talked about this last week. They go to make love at some point. And she says, do you have a condom?

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To which he replies, no, I don't have a condom. They don't show this part. They talk about it afterwards. He says, no, I don't have a condom. First of all, how do you not have a condom on you?

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Okay, so wait, so he has to use a condom to put over the catheter.

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Oh, so he doesn't hurt her. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know how a catheter works. Thank God I've never had one.

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Oh, really?

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God, you should have been the one talking about this all along. Look at me. I just breeze over facts. I'm like. I just fill in the gaps with bullshit. Wow, okay, alright. So not only should he have a condom, but then he really needs a condom to even make love. And he's been really excited about this from like episode number one. He's ready to get it on. He brought the blue pill.

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He's ready to get it up. Apparently he can have sex. And then he doesn't have one.

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So, at least in the, you know, kind of the cutaway, the after-event conversation to the camera, he explains that then he decides, he tells her, I'm going to go down on you. Let me, you know, let me lick you up. Let me do that.

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I lick your boom boom down.

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He was not boomin' down.

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No, he was not licking her boom boom down. No, he was not.

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No, no. So there's an argument.

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So there's an argument. Chrissy and I talked about this to some degree. And wasn't there a caller who wrote in and said that he wanted to have oral sex with his girlfriend? Yes. That's how we connected these two stories. That's right. So she says no.

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So he goes and he apologizes. But then they come to the next stumble, which is that the mother, now you got to remember.

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This is in Brazil. And like, let's just be real frank about this.

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Six hours from a major town. Yeah, it's not like they live in the middle of nowhere, but they live in the middle of nowhere. You know what I'm saying? Like halfway in the middle of nowhere.

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Sie haben wahrscheinlich einen Laden irgendwo, aber es ist wahrscheinlich ein lokaler Mercado. Sie haben nicht all die Akkutschermanns, die im Major leben. Es ist nicht Rio de Janeiro. Das ist nicht, wo sie leben. Also kommt die Mutter von noch weiter in die Mitte von fucking nowhere, kommt rein und fährt drei Stunden. Der Vater soll da sein. Der Vater zeigt sich nicht an.

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The mother comes in and the guy in the wheelchair is trying to be very polite and she fucking ices him. Doesn't talk to him, barely says a word.

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Then the girlfriend cooks a really nice lunch and they go to sit outside to eat it. And she is begging her mother to come sit down and have lunch. And her mother is like, no, I don't want to. I'm not interested. I don't want to talk to him. Because, let's be honest about it. He's in a wheelchair. That's just it. She doesn't like the guy because he's in a wheelchair.

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Maybe she claims that it's because he's American. But, you know, I mean, the guy seems nice enough. I don't think it has anything to do. I think that's a convenient excuse as to why. I mean, this 90 day fiance, they find, they find the most ridiculous stories with the most ridiculous people. Every fucking time.

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It's formulaic at this point.

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Of course they do. This is like love is blind. No one on this show doesn't want to be famous. Do you know what I'm saying? That's it. Ja, ja, ja. All of these people want to be famous to some degree. Can you imagine you and I dating? You're off in England and I'm here. And I call you up and I say, hey, can I bring cameras?

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So Astrid and I had a relationship very much like this. I thought about you guys. Not a chance in hell would I have put that on camera. Not a chance in hell. And we had a pretty like milquetoast relationship compared to some of these people. But not a chance in hell. Astrid's mom hates. Was war das? But nice try, you know what I'm saying?

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Anyway, so then we communicate for like three, four months straight. We communicate nonstop, 24 hours a day, pretty much from the moment that we started communicating. And then she's coming to the United States to visit her aunt. She already had this trip planned long before I met her. Well, she comes, and her mom is also there with her. We get introduced. I stay there for the weekend.

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I even take her mom out. We go on our first date.

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I mean, the same shit that happened in 2020 is now happening on the other side of the aisle, claiming the election was stolen. They're still sending out these fucking fundraising text messages.

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Within a couple of weeks of knowing her, I knew that this trip was coming up. Maybe it was not three or four months, maybe it was like two or three months. I knew that this trip was coming up. And she said, when I come to the United States, now, her aunt is in North Carolina and I wasn't here. I had been going to North Carolina to visit my best friend's Ja.

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It takes about three and a half, four hours to get up there. So the day comes and I am planning to be there. And because everybody in the family has now gotten word that this meeting is going to happen, there are literally 20 people in North Carolina at this aunt's house waiting for me to show up. I am driving.

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And by the way, I had that shitty little Honda with one headlight torn off, like half a car. Imagine me driving down the road with half a car.

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I mean, it was like the shittiest Honda Accord. The first car that I owned paid off. I owned it for years. I never got it fixed because I was like, I'm taking the $4,000 and going on vacation. Fuck this. I'm not paying to get that shit fixed. It was like 186,000 miles on it. Anyway, it wasn't that old. I just drove a lot. I just like would drive in circles. I didn't know what to do with myself.

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ADHD in full effect. So, this is a no shit story. A week before Astrid gets here, I walk outside of that house I had down in East Atlanta. And I go, I just can't. I just can't bring that thing up there.

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I've gotten like 30 of them. Hey, Democrats still have a chance to win the House. Can you send $5 and secure the election? And I'm like, how in the world is this going to help now? Haven't people already voted? Where's my $5?

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That was a good call. That's when you got the other car.

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I got a Kia. A brand new Kia. I came over one day and I was like, ah, you got a new car. Because I'm like, in six days, this woman that I love is going to show up and I can't impress her. When there's no passenger seat for her to sit in. Or a door to open for her. That's right.

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When you have to get in from the driver's side, it's got to have the same look and feel as my four-door sedan that looks safe and sturdy. Und ich glaube, ich habe 13% Interesse dafür bezahlt, weil ich es so brauchen musste. Und hier ist die lustigste Geschichte. Es war wie eine Mass-Konfusion. Die Verleihung war so interessiert, mich mit diesem Auto aus der Tür zu bringen.

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Und ich war so interessiert, mich mit diesem Auto aus der Tür zu bringen. that the guy forgot to take the down payment. Like, you know, you signed the contract. I shit you not. The finance guy forgot to run my credit card for like the $3,000 I was putting down in the car. So like three days later, I start getting these like desperate phone calls from the manager.

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We're coming to repossess the car if you don't show up at the dealership. And so on the way to go meet Astrid, I had to go up to fucking Gwinnett, 70 miles away from East Atlanta, to like swipe my credit card for this payment. It was the weirdest thing. It was so weird. And they somehow thought I had gotten away with it. And I was like, no one ever asked. I don't know. Exactly.

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You gave me the keys. I've only bought one other car. Right. Co-signed by my mother-in-law at the time. Alright, so anyway. So, 20 people waiting in North Carolina. I tell her I'm going to be up there at like, I don't know, 6 or 7 o'clock. Whatever time I tell her, I'm going to leave after traffic.

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I left after traffic and I said I was going to be there at 8 o'clock and I don't think I showed up until 9.30. Let me explain why. Not because the traffic was bad, but because I was so incredibly nervous that I started driving around North Carolina.

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Listening to music, texting with Astrid, trying to get settled down a little bit, smoking cigarettes like it was going out of style. Stopping at the gas station to rub myself with car-scented little trees so I didn't smell like cigarette smoke.

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Some smart human being that had way too much time in their hands read on the very bottom of one of these fundraising emails that the money could go toward a recount of elections. And so now there is a conspiracy theory running around that Kamala is secretly, and her team are secretly...

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Yeah, that's right. So I open the door, so I get there, I pull in, I am about as nervous as I have ever been. I bet. And I walk to the front door of this very nice house in North Carolina and I open up the door and there is these 20 people sitting in the family room.

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And there's even like friends of friends are there. It was like watching 90 Day Fiancé on TV. In real life. In real life, right? And Astrid was in the kitchen. So I walk through, I say hello to everybody. Astrid is standing there in the kitchen and she comes out in the hallway and we have one really nice, incredible hug. Kiss on the cheek and a really energetic, love-filled hug that was...

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Es fühlt sich so gut an, wie es auf der TV aussieht. Manchmal schaust du diese Sachen auf der TV und denkst dir, wow, das ist wirklich... Du läufst einfach Monate lang an energetischer Energie. Und dann gibt es immer... Antizipation.

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Ja, hier ist das, was ich denke, kann nicht auf der TV veröffentlicht werden, aber ist in einer der Geschichten, die gerade spielen, und ich erkläre es in einem Sekunden, du weißt nicht, ob oder nicht... Rachel und ich nennen das den Schmerz. Oh, richtig. Du weißt nicht, ob der Schmerz da ist.

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Absolut. Are the pheromones going to connect? Because you can have all the love in the world while you're writing text messages, talking on the phone. And by the way, Astrid and I had done very little FaceTiming or sending of pictures. We had done that, but we didn't do that. It's just a general rule. We weren't FaceTiming each other. We were just text messaging.

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Now, we certainly sent pictures back and forth, but not many. But you don't know whether or not that smell is going to be there. And if you don't connect physically in person, then you're fucked. It's not happening, right?

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And I think to some degree that's why I decided to put extra miles on that car. First of all, it was brand new. I'd literally gotten it that day. Like, I'd literally legally gotten it that day. But then the other thing was, I really was enjoying myself in this conversation, this continuous conversation that was going on with Astrid. And I didn't want to lose that.

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And I knew that there was a 50% chance that this weekend, these couple days, I could lose that, right? Could just go south and we just, you know, it kind of fades away. But it didn't. It heated up and that's what happened. But anyway, so when I went there, so I said to Astrid, When I got there, I said, listen, you're here for two weeks. You're at the beginning of the trip.

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going to go and ask for a recount of the election because Elon Starlink stole, you know, changed votes in California or something like that. I don't know. But I don't think Elon Star... Listen, I am open, just like in 2020, I am open to any evidence you may present of shenanigans. But you can't have it both ways.

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If you want to, and if it's okay with you, and if you think it's appropriate, I'll spend a couple days here in North Carolina and we'll just kind of get to know each other a little bit.

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We'll drive around the city in my brand new Kia. That's all I can afford to do since I just bought a brand new Kia. We'll drive around the city for a little while.

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That's right.

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I think we went to like downtown like Williams, not Williamsburg, but something, I forgot. Charlotte? No, not Charlotte. It was up in, what's another historic city up there? I'll think of it on the break. But we just like drove around and we went to, you know, this little town, cobblestone streets, I don't know.

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And then we took her mom to like the science museum and went and had some fun for a day. Just to get to know her mom, because her mom was there too. So adding to the level of complexity.

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Es ist die Tochter, die Mutter, die 20 Freunde, die, you know, everybody. Well, I gotta give her aunt credit, because her aunt was cheering us on the entire time. And I asked Astrid, do you want to come back to Atlanta with me for a couple days? And I'll bring you back whenever you're ready to come back. Sie sagte ja. Und ich kam zurück und kam, um sie am Morgen zu holen. Und das Haus war leer.

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Es war Astrids Mutter, Astrids Tochter, Astrid und ich. And they had an upstairs like loft area. And I came in the house and Astrid came down the stairs and she looked a little bit upset. And then the aunt was in the kitchen and the aunt goes, Brian, Brian. She sounds exactly like this, by the way. I do a perfect impression.

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Und ich bin so, was?

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Sie war so, wie sie uns aus der Tür drückte. Und ich bin so, was ist da los? Und dann kann ich hören, wie Astrid und ihre Mutter sich aneinander klingeln. Aber in Spanisch. Aber ich kann es nicht verstehen. Es ist zu schnell. Es ist zu laut. Und literally, Mediehi, mein Onkel, mein Onkel, ist so, okay, tschüss, bis später.

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I get in the car and I'm like, what's going on here? Because I could tell something's off. And Astrid goes, it's just my mom. I don't want to talk about it. Let's go. And so we go. When we came back a week later, we stayed, she stayed a couple extra days. A week later, her mom was so fucking pissed at me. Her mom was so upset. Oh. Lachen, schreien.

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Du hast meine Tochter weggenommen. Du bist ein seltsamer Mann in den USA. Ein bisschen älter. 400 Meilen weg. Ich kenne dich nicht. Aber Astrid war ein Junge. Was kannst du tun? Ich meine, das ist die Art und Weise, wie einige Familien sind. Aber es hat alles funktioniert. Also stand ich da und habe es einfach genommen.

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Und ich habe durch Mediehi meine Intentionen kommuniziert oder meine Unwahrheit oder was auch immer. Ich habe mir erklärt, wer ich war und wie wir, was all das Blablabla war. Ja, genau. Ich hoffe, ich bin tot. Oder er ist tot. Einer von uns ist tot. I'm about his age. But at the same time, like 90 day fiance, they pick the craziest of situations.

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We can't say yet the election was the securest in history and then also say it was stolen when it's not in our favor. So I'm open. I'm open. But so far, I have not seen any reputable news put forward that the election was stolen. Chrissy's ready to move on. So, tell Kamala, Chrissy's ready to move on.

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Guy in wheelchair, girl in Brazil doesn't speak any English with a mom that hates everybody. You know what I'm saying? Two lesbians in England. One has an anxiety disorder and can barely leave the house. And the other one is a hippie who doesn't want to work for a living. It's like there's no chance this is working out. No chance. And they buy a van and decide to travel around Europe.

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One can't leave the passenger seat because she's crippled by anxiety. And the other one's like, let's go to a nudist camp. What the fuck is going on? It's never going to work out. 90 Day Fiancé producers know exactly what they're looking for. And man, do these stories really, some of them can really shine. They end up being really funny. Anyway, let's take a break. We're way over.

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Let's take a break and we'll be back.

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A couple of things for the audience. Before we keep on going. Before we keep on going. Like we're going to stop. Okay, let's get to the show. Talk to you later. A couple of things for the audience. I'm posing this to you. I have two questions or I have two favors to ask. One, I want to know what you see as red flags in a relationship. And I don't mean obvious red flags. He went to jail for murder.

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I mean like subtle red flags in a relationship. Relationships that you've been in. If you could text us 212-433-3TCB. Text us, because I want to do an episode about this. We've gotten a couple of Ask TCBs about red flag, green flag. And I want to kind of mix that in and make a little bit, maybe even make an episode out of it.

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But I want to know, I know my subtle red flags right now that I'm looking back on it. Maybe not so subtle. But I'd love to do an episode on that next week. So if you could text those in 212-433-3TCB, I'd appreciate it. Nummer zwei, wir überlegen, wir überlegen, wir überlegen, wir überlegen, wir überlegen, One day a week.

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Now, that may not be convenient for your job, but we'll tell you more about that as we get on. If we did a live Twitch stream once a week while we're recording an episode that is going to come out in the future, would you be willing to watch and interact with us? 212-4333-TCB. Please let us know. I would appreciate it.

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Chrissy has spoken!

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I want to hear what the audience has to say before I even put any hard brain power to this. We're making a lot of changes here at TCB. And before we add yet another one, I want to make sure it's worth it. Because we've done live things before, like Clubhouse, and end up with seven people in the room. Because it's like, you know, noon on a Tuesday. And they're like, I don't have time to do this.

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Oh, move forward, that's a better way to say it. Yes, it's time to move forward, I think. As Chrissy and I were here just discussing in the studio, one of the big mistakes that Kamala, you know, everyone's Monday morning quarterback. And that's the problem. It's the worst. Every fucking, I can't even, like I don't click the links. Everybody's an opinion.

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So... Let us know. Here's what I want to talk... Yeah, please let us know. Here's what I want to talk about next. While we're on the TV kick. Guru Jagat.

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Oh, my God. If you are not watching The Breath of Fire, you are missing out on understanding Brian in some small way. And I'll explain why. I have been to not this particular version of Kundalini Yoga, but I have been to a disciple of the original Yogi Bajran. Yogi Bajran, one of the disciples, one of the people who followed Yogi Bajran around.

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I have been to her Level 1 and Level 2 workshops called the Cobra Breath Workshops. Now I'm not going to get too much into it. Some of it you're like sworn to secrecy, right? Why? I don't know. Because you paid $2,000 for it and they want to keep on charging, I think. I don't know. But let me explain. We talked a little bit about this last week, but let me explain. Or did we talk about this?

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We did a little bit. Okay. Okay. There's a young lady in L.A. who has been selling and serving up a certain type of meditation and yoga called Kundalini Yoga. Her name is Guru Jagat. She is taking the teachings of a guy named Yogi Bajran and continuing that practice. Yogi Bajran came to the United States back in the 60s. He was not a yogi. No. He was a Pakistani customs official.

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But because he was dressed the way he was dressed and everyone was looking for the next guru because everyone was like Summer of Love and the hippies. The 60s, yeah. The 60s and the 70s. All of a sudden people started thinking that he... Following him.

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Yeah, following him because for some reason, you know, he was the next god because of the way that he dressed with a turban and the white robes and the whole nine yards. He was a Sikh. Mm-hmm. So he went through the 70s and 80s and he very much made a living for himself doing this. There was a couple problems with this. He got a huge following, by the way. He had these disciples.

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He had thousands, tens of thousands of people who studied this. He encouraged people to go out and do business, have businesses that did good in the world. And some of them did. And office supplies. And office supplies. And some of them did not. And most of them worked directly for him, under his guise, under his direction. He was a con artist.

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Ich weiß, ich klicke nicht die Links, aber ich lese die Headlines. Und jede Headline ist die 10 Gründe, warum Kamala nicht gewonnen hat. Das ist, wie Trump gewonnen hat und Kamala verloren hat. Die Dems verloren, weil Biden, die Dems verloren, weil Kamala. Ich denke, ich verstehe, warum die Dems verloren haben. Nicht genug Leute kamen auf, um für Kamala zu votieren.

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A sexual predator of epic proportions. He was taking the daughters of some of his disciples and turning them into his sex slaves at very early ages, 16, 17 years old. One of them speaks directly about it in this documentary. He was also running drugs, even though one of his dictates was to never drink alcohol, drugs or tobacco. By the way, he was a yogi that never did yoga.

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He didn't even know how to do it. He was making it up almost whole cloth the entire time. Now, I have done this type of yoga and I do have to tell you, here to tell you, with a clear head, now, with a clear head, that there is some kind of physiological alteration that goes on when you do this kind of breathwork.

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Oh, it's amazing. It's amazing. It's a high. And I do believe it opens you up to some kind of spiritual experience, some kind of connection in the universe energetically that you may not... Oh, ja. Yeah, well, she also calls it, like, science.

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No, she calls it technology. Technology, yeah. She calls Kundalini Yoga technology, that she is using, you know, technology of the future and all that stuff. Not technology. It's breathing and waving your arms in the air like a mad person is really what it is. But all of these people who are leading these places, they seem to find a way to make it financially make sense for them and not for you.

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Weil du für spirituelle Erleichterung zahlen musst. Und je mehr du zahlst, desto höher gehst du. Es ist fucking Scientology wieder einmal. Und das ist das Problem, das ich manchmal mit New Age Spiritualität habe. Ja, absolut.

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New Age Spirituality in a time when dogma makes less and less sense to people, meaning walking into the Catholic Church and kneeling down and standing up and kneeling down and standing up and body of Christ and all that bullshit is convoluted. It's old world and it doesn't make a lot of sense to a lot of younger folks like myself. You're looking for something more connective, more connected.

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energetic and less talky, right? And less preachy. And less, you know, original sin, I'm gonna die, guilt-ridden bullshit that a lot of Christianity and other places have to offer. You're looking for a very positive vibe. I can do anything. I'm ready to take on the world. I'm connected to everybody. You're doing good. There is no specific God. We're all just a part of the same thing.

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I believe in all that. The problem is, is that when you start looking at one person as the way into that kind of connection, you are now into the same problem that you had with the original church, with the dogma, which is you for some reason are not good enough to be connected directly.

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You have to go through someone else, listen to someone else, pay someone else, watch someone else, do someone else in order to get there. And it all at the end of the day becomes about power and money.

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Das ist es. Ja. But I know, I am clear on one thing. I totally understand why the Democrats lost this election. Why Kamala lost. And that is after extending multiple invitations to both aisles, both sides of the aisle, by the way, neither of them showed up on the commercial break. And that is clear why we lost. Clearly. Clearly.

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So these gurus, quote unquote, these yogis, these whatever they are, they all end up consolidating power and money in an effort to enrich themselves and make themselves more powerful, while the flock... Yeah, it was their business. Ja, aber ich habe das Kollektionsblatt nicht gehalten, das die Kirche umgekehrt ist, wenn du weißt, was ich meine.

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Okay, eine Zeit, ich will gehen und ich will eine spezielle Technik für Atmen lernen oder ich will mit Leuten verbinden oder was auch immer es ist, ich verstehe, es gibt Zeit und Kosten und Geld involviert und all diese Dinge zusammenzubringen. And this is this person's job. Okay. But like, without thinking about it, just giving 20% of my paycheck every week to you, for what reason?

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You're buying Prada and telling me about the Mercedes, brand new Mercedes you got, while I'm struggling to make ends meet. But don't worry, it'll all come back to you someday, this prosperity fucking preaching bullshit.

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with enlightenment at the top. And who doesn't want that? I mean, honestly, it's the most age-old fucking bullshit in the world. And it drives me crazy that the people who are the preachiest about this, right, are doing the thing that they hate most, which are promoting the thing that they hate most, which is the dogma and hierarchy of it all.

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It ends up being the same fucking bullshit with just a different fucking wig on. Das ist es. Das ist es. Ich habe gute Intentionen gehabt. Ich habe das gar nicht. Ich habe es wirklich nicht. Aber wenn sogar ihre Eltern im Dokumentarfilm reden, wie sie in die Arme des Teufels gerannt ist, ist das, was sie gesagt hat, dass sie in die Dinge gerannt ist, die sie nicht sein wollte.

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Dann musst du verstehen, dass... Ja. Ja. Including the cult of liberalism and Trump. Name how that's all ending terribly. It's all ending terribly. It really is at the end of the day. And here's the part that drives me the craziest about this. And I think about this a lot. These like new age spiritual like, you know, guru types, blah, blah, blah.

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With over three listeners in swing states, we could have done nothing, but it would have improved our ratings. And if we can't get something out of the Harris team, then what good is she doing us? And that's why next time, Bert and Ernie for president and vice president. That's what I say. But you know, they're gay, so half the country won't vote for it.

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Open up your mind, you know, the reality is only what you make it and other people are twisting your reality and your reality is reality. Unreality is unreality and the truth isn't truth, but it's part of the facts. These are some of the same people who start questioning science. You know what I'm saying? Questioning hardcore scientific facts. I've seen it all up and down my Facebook.

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All of a sudden, everything's like, the fix is in. We're all being manipulated by everybody else. When you open your mind so far, Chrissy, Oh mein Gott. Yeah, there's a lineage that's floating really close to our universe, right? And we've seen them and we've been there and we've done this. I've been to the retreats. I've done the breath of fire, what we call the fire breath.

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I've done this stuff and it works, which is the craziest part. It really does. They talk about in this documentary about how some of the people that worked at this yoga center that this girl opened in LA, their job, Das ist das Schlimmste. Which works. Which works. Swear to God it does. It's the craziest thing. I mean, it works to open up some kind of energy channel.

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And I don't know what it is and I'm not claiming I know what it is. Don't follow me because I don't know shit. I don't want any followers except for the kind on Facebook and YouTube and Instagram. When I went to this, I was there for like, I don't know, maybe the first day I was there for like six hours, right? And the first three hours are very intense.

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You do a couple of exercises with other people that are very intense. This is not the prostate massage part, by the way. You do these things that are very intense, and then for an hour you do this kind of fire breath stuff, right? This like introduction to fire breath. And... Then you take a break and then you go back and you do more of it.

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So you're in six hours of like really intense kind of breath work, introspection, meditation, staring contests, which if you've never done that, try that with your loved one. I don't mean staring contest. I mean, look into someone's eyes, look into any human being's eyes for 30 minutes. And if you don't cry, you are a psychopath. You should get checked out. Dann machst du die sechs Stunden.

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Und auf dem Weg aus der Tür, werde ich nie vergessen, dass mein bester Freund mir sagt, sei vorsichtig mit deiner Energie heute Abend. Geh nicht in eine Gruppe von Leuten. Geh nicht zu einer Party. Bleib weg von den Bars. Sei vorsichtig mit deiner Energie heute Abend. Und ich gehe nach Hause.

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Because I was in some kind of state. And I go home to my fiancé at the time, who had never done any kind of this, any of this stuff, right? And I instantaneously felt pricked, like a sharp prick from my fiancé, because she just wasn't in the same state that I was in. And she said, let's go out to dinner.

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Not that she was being mean, she wasn't, but it was just, I'm just telling you what I experienced. Mm-hmm. Und sie sagt, wir gehen zu unserem Lieblingsrestaurant hier, Houston. Und so gehen wir nach Houston. Und Chrissy, ich werde es nie vergessen. Es war wie scharf. Es war, als ob ich ein Pincushion war. Und scharfe Zähne aus jeder Richtung.

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Der Geräusch, die Lichter, der Geräusch, die Musik, die Leute um mich herum, die über ihre dummen Leben und ihre dummen Sachen reden. Ich konnte alles hören, ich konnte alles sehen, ich konnte alles sehen. Und es war wie... You're harshing my vibe, bro. That's what it was like. It was like, mellow out, dudes. Right? It was true. It was true. I was in an altered state of some form or fashion.

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International Luuuv!

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I think there's also this realization that... Yeah, I didn't realize we were still there, but I guess we are. You know, I don't know. Maybe it's because I was a mama's boy. Maybe it's because I like tits. I don't know really why I am like this, but I really am enamored with the female form. I just think they're the fairer of the sexes.

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And listen, I got a lot out of it. Doesn't mean everybody does, but I got a lot out of it. But if someone had asked me for $500, at that time in my life, when I was 20-something years old, asked me for $500 to keep that vibe going, I might have given it to them. I might have given it. I didn't have it, but I might have... Ja. Ja. Isn't that what we all want?

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That's why you're most powerful and most vulnerable, I think, energetically in your 20s, right? It's because you really are open to anything and vulnerable and persuadable. As you get into your 30s and sometimes your 40s, you become a little bit more hardened. You've been through it. You've been scammed and taken. Yeah. Ja, genau. I see how this story plays out.

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I've seen that documentary on Guru Jagat and I believe it. I'm not saying that there's no good.

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Or worse, giving your children to the guru so he can have sex with them. That's like fucking insane. That one lady in that, first of all, she's absolutely stunningly beautiful. She must be in her late 40s or something at this point. She is stunningly beautiful. And I don't mean like, oh, she's super hot, I want to fuck her. That's not what I mean. I mean like as a physical creature.

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The turban, yeah, and her eyes are like, Seine Haut ist wunderschön. He sexually assaulted this girl from the time that she was quote-unquote an adult. They don't say the actual age, but I'm assuming 16. Yeah, something like that.

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For years and years and years. And his promise the entire time was you will financially and spiritually reap the rewards when I die. And... zu einer kleinen Anzahl seiner Kredite. Er hat das getan. Er hat 50% dieser 100-Millionen-Dollar-Organisation an diese 15, 16 Frauen gegeben.

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Yogi Tea, das ich nie wieder kaufen werde. Ich hatte keine Ahnung. Ich trinke es immer. Ich auch. Yogi Tea wurde von diesem Mann in den 70ern gestartet. Du trinkst es überall. Es ist in Restaurants. Es ist in Whole Foods. Es ist in Publix. Es ist in Kroger. Du kannst es auf Amazon kaufen. It's called Yogi. Yogi Tea. Of course you want to drink the Yogi Tea. This dude was evil.

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Now, part of me goes, I'm never going to buy that again. And then the other part of me knows that 50% of the profits of this company go to these 16 women who were his quote-unquote... We'll see.

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We'll see. I'm not buying any Yogi Tea until I figure out the end of this. Hurry up, HBO, and throw that out. What night's that come out? Mondays? I'll teach it to you when we get up. I spent thousands of dollars, but I'll teach it to you.

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Pass along your knowledge.

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Hey, listen, I got a lot out of it.

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But I didn't go following people around for the next 10 years and handing them my paycheck. I mean, some people handed their company to this guy. They like signed over their company to this dude. Oh, man. Wow. Fuck President of the United States. I want to be a yogi. Guru Brian. Guru Biji.

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Guru Biji. Guru Biji. Guru Biji.

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Guru Biji.

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Guru Biji. Guru Biji.

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Vielen Dank.

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Give us your address and away it will go. And pretty soon, pretty soon Chrissy, we'll have all episodes of The Commercial Break. Every single episode of The Commercial Break will be edited and for your viewing pleasure on the website and youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak. I'm thinking about dropping the Dr. Phil thing because fuck Dr. Phil.

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The voice is funny. Alright, I'll give a pass on the voice. Anyway, so subscribe to the YouTube channel so you can catch all episodes of The Commercial Break on there. At The Commercial Break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok and 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Let us know your red flags and if you'll watch us on Twitch, we sure would appreciate it.

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International Luuuv!

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And quite frankly, I think y'all would do a great job of leading this country. I mean, we've done a lot of... Men have been in charge for a long time. And so far, nothing good has come of it. I mean, look... Look, alright? Look at where we are in world history right now. The oceans are full of plastic. The earth is literally melting itself.

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Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there on the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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International Luuuv!

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Every country in the world is experiencing some kind of strife. We're just on the verge of World War III and the Middle East. Und 90% der Leute, die diese Länder und diese Situationen leiten, 90% unserer Leiter, haben Dicks. Und wir haben nicht einen tollen Job gemacht. Und ich denke, ich verstehe, warum.

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Und ich wünsche mir, dass wir einfach die Frauen ein bisschen überlegen und dann sehen wir, wo wir in 10 oder 20 Jahren sind. You know what I'm saying? And then we can all collectively come to the table and make a decision about which one did a better job, the male or the female. I hate to make it a war of the sexes, but I think that's what we need.

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And I have been reading that on the war of the sexes that many women, and I say many, I mean I read one post, that many women are choosing to withhold sex because of the election results.

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It already happened.

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International Luuuv!

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Not giving it up. This is the answer, my friend. So, sorry, Jeff, but I'm going to now convince your wife that this is the answer. Jeff's on our side. Astrid's already been on this kick for like two months. She knew long before the election results. She said, this country is headed in the wrong direction. No sex for you.

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So there is a movement going on quietly, I think, online and in social media spaces. I don't think this is at the mainstream, well, some mainstream media places. But there is a group of women who have now decided they're going to copy what happened in Korea, in South Korea, I think, where the women did not like something having to do with autonomy over the body. I'm not sure exactly what it was.

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I think something about birth control. I think I'm getting that right. This is where we need Christina in the studio, so she can quickly Google it. Yeah, because it's hard for me to Google and talk at the same time. But something about that.

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And so now women in this country have decided to replicate what the South Korean women did, which is withhold any kind of sexual pleasure to a man until there is some changes in their political system. This is the answer. Now, it sounds crazy, but, you know, imagine if no one gave Trump a blowjob for like, you know, six years, four years. Why did you bring that up?

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Listen, it's well known that Trump likes a blowjob, whether someone wants to or not. But imagine that you just withhold sex for a period of time. I think a lot of politicians would change their tune, quite frankly. That's my personal opinion. But why does it always fall on the women to have to lead that charge? Yeah. I don't know, Chrissy. The patriarchy is alive and well and still kicking.

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I do have to say that. And listen, I'm not some hardcore anti-patriarchy human being. That's just not me. I sit in the middle of the aisle. I consider myself more of a casual observer of things that are going on. I like to Monday morning quarterback. I like to talk about what happens after it happens, pretending that I know what I'm talking about. You know what I'm saying?

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But I do think that it's a really tough pill for some people to swallow that a woman might be in charge of this country, even though there are many countries around the world who have already done it. Doesn't Mexico have a female president? Isn't like El Salvador had a female president? Didn't Argentina?

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A week before Astrid gets here, I walk outside of that house I had down in East Atlanta. And I go, I just can't. I just can't bring that thing up there.

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Was there a prime minister in the UK that was a woman for a period of Margaret Thatcher?

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Honestly. Well, she got beheaded. Well... You know, it can't all be shits and giggles, Chrissy. Every once in a while you're going to have a bad streak there.

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But I'm telling you right now, like, I cannot believe that in 2024, the most progressive country in the world, which is not the United States of America, does not yet have, I think it's Sweden or something like that, does not yet have a female president, has not yet had a female president.

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It is hard to believe that, isn't it?

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Right? Yeah, that is right. You are right about that. I think there was a candidate. No, there have been candidates. There have been candidates, but I don't think anyone has ever been in office until Kamala. And good for her. And I think that's a step in the right direction. But let's be honest about the vice presidency. It doesn't mean shit. No one really cares about the vice president.

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No one votes for vice president of the United States. It's about the president. It's about the candidate. I don't think anybody voted for Trump because of J.D. Vance. Quite frankly, I think it's the opposite. I don't think anybody voted for Kamala because of Tim Walz. He seems like a nice guy and he certainly knows how to rile up a crowd of people. But that wasn't who you were voting for.

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That was a good call. That's when you got the other car. I got a Kia. A brand new Kia. I came over one day and I was like, ah, she's got a new car.

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You were either voting for Kamala or voting for Trump. And so I don't think anybody was voting for Kamala. I think they voted for Biden and Kamala came along with it. So having a female vice president is like a consolation prize. It's not really like anybody's doing anything significant. But it honestly blows my mind.

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On either side of the aisle that we have yet had a female president of the United States. You would think that the time had come, right? Like a long time ago, you would think that the time had come. And who is that FBI director that we have? Janet Reno. Oh, yeah. Ja, ich habe es vergessen. We've been pretty close to the button, if you know what I mean.

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And yet we can't just get over it and then elect. And I'm not saying that Kamala, like, okay, Kamala lost, I get it, right? But over the years, over the last 30, 40 years, we haven't had one qualified candidate, Clinton, Kamala. We haven't had like one other female that was that close to the presidency. It just surprises me. It really does. It really does. Und so Chrissy für Präsident.

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Because I'm like, in six days, this woman that I love is going to show up and I can't impress her. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Untertitelung im Auftrag des ZDF für funk, 2017

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Das ist alles, was ich sagen muss. Hodley für Präsident.

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Nein. Warum? Ist es nicht jeder, der träumt, Präsident der Vereinigten Staaten zu sein? Absolut nicht. What is the top thing that you've aspired to? The top thing I've aspired to? Yeah, like, you know, some people, they want to be doctors, lawyers, firefighters.

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You want to go to space?

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You did? Really?

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I would much rather be president of the United States. And I agree with you, by the way. I've never aspired to be president of the United States. But I've known from a very early age that I have disqualified myself from being president of the United States. When I first made out with, I'm not even going to say her name, when I first made out with this young lady in the church.

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Ich habe viel weniger Macht. Ich habe viel weniger Macht, um echte Entscheidungen zu machen. Aber was willst du? Du wolltest Astronautin werden?

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I love space and stars too. I have zero interest in going there. Zero interest. Well, now Elon's trashed it with all that Starlink bullshit.

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Well, now it's a possibility that you could go to space. Yeah, well, that's true. Now you could actually get up there. I mean, if you had six million dollars, you could actually take a ride up there. But, you know, it seems very, I don't know, I mean, I don't want to diminish the accomplishment, but it seems very anticlimactic.

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Yeah, when you think about going to space, it's like I take a three-year journey to Mars or something. It's like, you know, meet aliens and, you know, have to live on board of this big ship that somehow has gravity and a pool.

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Yeah, like I want a floating hotel. Like if you could take like the icon of the seas from Royal Caribbean and float it out into space for a couple of years. Yeah, totally. I'd be totally fine doing that. But right now, space seems very anticlimactic. The ships are rather, I don't know, sparse of any furniture or anything like that. It doesn't seem like very much fun.

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Like it just go up and go down. Now, I understand you're going to get a great view, which by the way, the world is round. People who, you know, non... Die Wissenschaftler sind jetzt da und haben entschieden, dass die Welt rund ist. Ich wusste nicht, wo die Flat Earthers waren. Ich weiß es nicht. Es gab eine ganze Rage im Jahr 2020. Es war wirklich so. Wir haben sie schon lange nicht gehört.

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Yeah, you're still alive and you're looking great. Hey, you know... Der Chattahoochee-River ist sehr ähnlich, wie wir es auf dem Show gesprochen haben. Der Chattahoochee, der durch Atlanta läuft, der Chattahoochee-Coochee bis dahin, da finden sie Kühe fliegen, wie fliegende Kühe fliegen. Du willst einfach nicht was essen, was aus dem Meer kommt.

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Und die Leute, die diese Räume zubereiten, sind jung und sie haben Immunsysteme, die damit umgehen können. Nicht wir. Ja, Steine.

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Sie sitzen dort seit Jahren.

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Du hast viele Jahre Stand-Up-Comedy gemacht. Und ich wollte dir eine Frage stellen. Okay. Has there ever been a time or a gig, like a specific thing you could think about, where you were just like, holy shit, this is the worst, I'm quitting, I'm done with this. This sucks, I've had the worst night of my life or run of my life, and this is it.

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I'm wondering, because some of the comics that we talk to are fresh-faced comics, right? And they don't have the experience behind them, I think, maybe to experience those ups and downs. But has there been a moment when you could think of where you're like, holy shit, I'm done with this?

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Es gibt tausende Leute, die dich beobachten. Und es ist nur du mit dem Mikrofon. Das muss eine seltsame Versuchung sein.

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Yeah, no, it's true. And also, you depend only on yourself at the end of the day, right? So it's like you, like Patrick Mahomes, he depends on however many other people to make sure that he wins from season to season. For you, you can just kind of throw some cold water on your face and say, okay, Kathleen, you know how to do this. Go up and get him tomorrow night.

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You feel like your actual physical presence. You're like, I need something to fill the stage up. That's got to be a kind of strange feeling is when you're in those, you know, wherever you are. I don't know where you're playing. And it's just you sitting on the stage. And there's these thousands of people that are watching you. And it's just you with a microphone.

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That's got to be a strange sensation.

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1385.979

Do you still get nerves?

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I get nervous. It's good money, but you just don't know what you're getting. Too many X-Factors.

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Yeah, you have such a long and storied career, and you're still doing it very successfully. Over all of these years, you've seen comedy evolve. When did you get started, Kathleen? When was your first gig at The Bone? Oh, The Bone.

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Oh, okay.

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Yeah, we were talking about this before you came on and I was telling the people here in the studio, I was like, I don't think Kathleen ever stops touring. I think every time I look, she's doing another, there's another reel, there's another post. She's got another set of shows coming on. But I think that's, I guess after 35 years, that feels very normal to you.

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And, you know, do you enjoy that part of it, like being out and traveling or would you rather spend more time traveling? sitting and doing what you want to do.

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Yeah, that sucks.

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I mean, come on. Yeah, they put you in a room, essentially.

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Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

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Yeah, we had Lewis on. He's one of my favorite guests. He's so good at what he does.

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Yeah, he was a playwright. His origin story is rather weird. He had a rather strange origin story. It was like writing one-act plays down in some basement in New York or something.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

167.451

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. Here we are in yet another Tuesday morning or Tuesday afternoon or whenever you're listening to this. It's a TCB infomercial Tuesday with... Noted, storied comedian, Kathleen Madigan coming in. I can't wait. This one is years in the making, actually.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Ja, das war, als er auf Comedy Central war, als er auf The Daily Show war, was ich glaube, wo viele Leute zu Louis Black und massiv ausgesprochen wurden. Es ist einfach so, er ist so faszinierend und so klug und so scharf an dem, was er tut. Es ist schwer, die Brillanz in all dem Schreien zu ignorieren, richtig?

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

1734.017

Und ich denke, für mich war das eine wirklich attraktive Form von Komödie für mich, wie er es gemacht hat. Und er hat gesagt, ich habe früher Headlines auf der Bühne genommen und das ist, was ich tun würde, ich würde die Zeitung lesen. I circle headlines and that's how I got started. I just yell and scream and people liked it and he said, okay, why not?

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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He got it. Das ist eine smarte Überzeugung. Als ein Typ, der in Chicago geboren wurde, hast du einen sehr berühmten Sinn für Humor, eine Art von Reden. Das Midwest, dieser Geschmack des Midwesten kommt in dich heraus. Und ich denke, das fühlt sich sehr berühmt an.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

1827.126

Es ist wie das, worum ich geboren bin, die Geräusche, die ich gehört habe und die Art von scharfen, aber ruhigen und politischen Komödie, die du tust, ist sehr gut. Ist da ein Ort, wo du fühlst, wo deine Komödie fühlt, Ich glaube, dass die Leute besser darauf reagieren.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

1846.658

Wenn du in den Südwesten gehst, fühlst du dich, als hättest du eine wärmere Rezeption, als du in bestimmten Orten im Land hättest? Oder ist deine Komödie, hast du das schon so lange gemacht, dass deine Komödie irgendwo aufeinandert?

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

186.876

We've been trying to get Kathleen on the show for a very long time, and we're super excited that our schedules collided in the universe, and we're finally now getting Kathleen in here. Kathleen has been around for a very long time. I don't want to date her, she's a young lady, but I still want to share that she's... She's grown up with some of the best. The Jerry Seinfelds of the world.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

1963.612

Ich sehe, was du sagst, und ich stimme dir zu. Die lustige Sache ist, die Sache mit dem Eiskaten, den Eiskatern, richtig? Und praktizieren all dein Leben, um das eine Ding mit jemand anderem zu tun, der sich verletzen könnte. Das kommt aus einem deiner Comedy Central Specials, das war way back when. Und ich habe es gerade gesehen. Ich habe das letzte Mal gesehen.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

1979.759

Es ist auf meinem YouTube-Kanal aufgefallen. Und ich bin so, oh, lass mich das anschauen. Wirklich lustig. Aber du bist edgy in deiner eigenen Weise. Aber es ist kind of this polite Midwestern way. You're kind of sneaking in the back door, right? It's edgy and there's some commentary there. But you have to know where to find it. You have to know how to listen to it in that own Midwestern way.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

1999.527

You have worked with probably a lot of the greats. Seinfeld, Louis Black. And I was... I always wanted to ask a question. Do you ever get advice from one of those people, like one of those huge success stories, that you were like, I don't think that's great advice. They gave you advice and then you were like, I actually don't think that's great advice.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

208.001

Louis Black, Mitch Hedberg, Jerry Seinfeld, did I already say Jerry Seinfeld? I'll say it twice, Jerry Seinfeld, because you know, he's a big deal. Chris Rock, she's been around for a very long time.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

2083.343

Robin was one of the best in my opinion, but he was frenetic. And I think watching some of his old stuff, like back in the 80s, sometimes it's a little bit disconcerting how much he's moving around. And obviously, I think he's powered by something besides Wheaties. Do you know what I'm saying? Back in the 80s.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

2119.445

Do you want to know where I found the most touching Robin Williams documentary film footage? It was not on a Robin Williams documentary. It was on that Christopher Reeves documentary. Because I had no idea the two of them were best friends.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

2132.687

And then when they got to the part where they started talking about how after Chris had his accident, Robin was there, but they never talked about the accident or his disability. And one of his children was saying, I think that Robin gave... Chris, some sense of normalcy back, because he never mentioned anything about the accident or anything about being in a wheelchair or anything like that.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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And I don't know, there was something very touching and sweet about that. He's like, they both kind of confided in each other. Robin was amazing. How sad. How many shows did you guys do together? How many tours did you go on?

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Yeah, she grew, I think she kind of hit her stride during the Comedy Central boom, when Comedy Central actually had comedians on.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Yeah, I don't disagree with you. I think some of the stuff that he did on film that was more serious just felt more earnest to me. And sometimes I think he could be more funny when he was delivering a wry line rather than something, you know, jumping out of a box and, you know, with suspenders and trying to make everybody laugh.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Ah, das ist eine sehr interessante Überzeugung.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

2296.028

Ja, ich preferierte sein Erwachsenes zu seinen Morken-Mindi-Jahren. Ich werde es nicht teilen.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

2307.953

It was very interesting. So you are a storyteller by nature. I would share that you're a storyteller. Do you ever tell stories about people in your personal life where they're like, hey, I prefer that you don't share that story. Right.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

233.913

Yeah, that's how it started. That's how Comedy Central started. Comedy Central used to be three to five minute clips, like MTV was videos three to five minutes. Comedy Central, 24 hours a day, would do nothing but play comedies. Ja, genau. Which was really cool. But oh, how things have changed. I mean, Comedy Central is still a good channel. Whatever. They still have good comedy shows.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

2375.834

Ja, genau. Ja, das ist cool. We do a lot of content here. We're on 700 plus episodes at this point. 1,000 hours of content.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Yeah, we pull from everything. But I have learned, and I learned very quickly, people aren't volunteering to be on your show. This wasn't their life choice. And you have to be careful about what you say. But it's easy to edit and change names and flip things around. When you tell the story, the faces and the names just get changed to protect the innocent. Chrissy, that's how you do it.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

2405.723

Aber trotzdem wissen einige Leute, wenn ich eine Geschichte über meinen Bruder erzähle, werde ich einige Details ändern. Aber manchmal sagt er, ich wollte wirklich nicht das Teil. Und ich sage, ich habe es nicht gesagt. Keiner würde das zusammenfassen. Aber sie wissen. Und manchmal wird er überrascht. Und ich sage, okay, ich werde es machen.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Ich werde es bei ihm machen, wenn ich denke, ich bin am Ende. That's a fair policy.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

2455.111

Wait, can we follow this down the rabbit hole just for a second? What? Your brother-in-law did not know what religion he was?

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

2481.368

She's got Catholicism.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

2531.155

In den letzten Amazon-Spezial, die ich gemacht habe,

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

2600.462

That's a ridiculous amount of ass covering right there, isn't it?

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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He's a shark who's lost his teeth. He's not going to do anything. He's not going to worry about it. Don't get all fussy about something. If that's the level of ass covering that Amazon is doing with all of their specials, I can only imagine.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

2665.336

That is selective lawyering.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Exactly who she was.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

2703.446

Well, he presented it as a true story to Netflix. Netflix took it on verbatim. They didn't do anything. They didn't check. And now the judge went, so she sued them for like $150 million.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Yes, because they did nothing to protect her identity.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Und Kathleen ist richtig. All they had to do was skinny African-American church secretary. And then you could have made the case that, oh, this was a fictional story that we made up whole cloth, even though it was very similar to something that happened to me.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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So while this guy got all these props and it was a true story, that makes it interesting, but it would have been interesting even without the true story part, right?

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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But Kathleen is here and I can't wait to dig into, you know, some of her... Whenever somebody comes out like Louis Black or Margaret Cho or Kathleen Madigan, when you have someone who's been around for a long time, you get to dig into some of the dirt, like figure out... Ja. Ja. Ja. Ja. Ja. And you want to reminisce about the old days.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

2772.244

Do you remember, every time I think about based on true story, do you remember when Fargo came out, the movie Fargo, and the beginning of the movie, it said, you know, the events in this movie are all true, right? And everybody was like, when did this happen? Where did this happen?

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

2787.551

Well, the thing that the Coen brothers didn't mention is, yeah, all the events are true, but they didn't happen in one story. That's like a hundred stories they took the pieces from. Those guys are so genius, I think. That is quintessential Midwestern Fargo. Und ich weiß, dass es exagerierte Akzente und Tropen sind.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

2806.844

Aber wenn du das Film siehst, wenn du im Mittleren Westen geboren bist, wenn du da schon mal gewesen bist, dann ist das wirklich zu Hause für dich. Oh ja, das ist, wie sie sprechen. Oh ja, das ist, wie sie agieren. Oh ja, das ist, wie polizistisch sie sind in der Face of Murder. Ja. Do you have a... Over the years that you've been doing comedy, has there been trends that you've seen in comedy?

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Have you changed your comedy over... I know your comedy has evolved over the years, but is there a trend and you're like, I'm not jumping on that bandwagon, no thanks. Now I feel like comedy is... Some comedians, they're not really comedians, they're... Ja, genau.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

2996.609

Und ich denke, dass es Komedien gibt, die das mit großem Effekt tun. Like, I think Nate Bargatze is an example of this, right? His comedy is slow, it's plodding, but it's funny. And there's not a cuss word in there, right? And I think there are other comedians, who I won't name, I don't want to offend anybody, who just don't do it to great... I think they're just... I agree with you.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

3016.424

Why are you not saying the words that you could say? You could punctuate these things with something a little bit more... If it's your normal way of talking.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

3082.245

Ich kann nicht mehr mit dir verabschieden. Ich schiebe mich nicht davon ab, die Kinder zu kussieren. Wiederum, es gibt einige Wörter, die ich nicht wähle. Ich werde sie nicht an ihrer jungen, leichten Zeit lernen. Aber dann. Ja, genau. Broadcast-Television? Oh, ja, auf TV.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

312.33

Yeah, it's like two people sitting around the retirement home remembering when. You know when I go to my mom's retirement home and they're always playing that old music? And every time I go there, like I went there the other day.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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I bet off air we could name three of them. I bet we'd be thinking about the same people.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

3208.664

They got three drink tickets and a shitty cheeseburger and they're going to stay the night at the Howard Johnson at the Hojo. What are you going to do? It's Schaumburg, Illinois. What are you going to do? You have got to have seen and done a lot of sets with very successful, famous comedians. Ron White, you've been mentioning, is one of your friends. Do you guys hang out a lot, you and Ron?

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

3236.776

Oh, you guys just hung out during COVID?

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

324.82

I think about Pearl Jam being played. Pearl Jam is now classic rock. Es ist, ich bin gar nicht verrückt. Ich habe es live auf einer klassischen Rock-Radio-Station gehört. Das war vor ein paar Monaten. Wir sind nach Florida gegangen, um meine Arztpraxis zu haben. Und sie hatten keine Serien im Auto, also habe ich einfach... Nicht Daniel Beach. Nicht Daniel Beach.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Yeah, couldn't go anywhere.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

3353.655

Ich werde glücklich, wenn ich der Bartender auf dem Golfkurs bin. Und für ein paar Wochen, das ist alles, was ich in meinem Bar habe, sind die drei, die mich einfach unterhalten.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

3387.928

You know, that was when COVID happened. Our first episode was released. like the same week that all of the lockdowns started happening. So April 15th, 2020. And this podcast may have saved my life because at least I had something to come do. Like I had some outlet, some way and we just didn't talk about any of it.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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I mean, of course we mentioned masks or whatever on occasion, but we just didn't talk about any of it. That's why the show is named The Commercial Break. So we would just kind of shut it out. And I gotta be honest, that hour and a half or two hours at that time, once a week, that Yeah, once a week. Now it's four times a week.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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That really allowed me to decompress in a way that I think saved me from just going absolutely fucking stir crazy.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Yeah, we were in Atlanta.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

3441.756

If you remember, our governor opened up the bowling alleys and the nail salons.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

3448.68

And I thought to myself, I mean, at the time, now in hindsight, I think it was a good idea that he was saying, hey, we can't just shut down everything forever, right? But at the time, it was the funniest thing ever to know that our governor had made some decision somewhere at the highest powers of local government. He said, nail salons. Das ist eine sehr seltsame Frage.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

3495.726

Ja, du stellst alles an, was andere nicht tun.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

3507.534

Das ist so verrückt. Yeah, and then there's like Brian, who owns Zany's here in Nashville. Little Dorf, he's out there golfing every day. Nate was here, all my...

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

3671.489

My grandfather... put out and I've said this a couple of times on the show. He was in a nursing home with he was unable to walk because he had so many broken hips, colon cancer for the second time. You know, he was like 98 years old and he was taking his resume and giving it to the nurses in the nursing home and telling them to please fax it to this phone number.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

3692.215

He tried to find work until the day that he died because he had a very he was Irish, too. I mean, of Irish descent. And he had a very similar way of thinking. It's that you you work. Ja, genau. Kathleen is on the never-ending tour. The tickets go on sale this week, so the tickets are either now available or will be available over the next couple of days for your fall dates.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

3741.047

And then there'll be the winter dates and then the spring dates and then the summer dates until Ron comes back over and kills another three or four weeks with you.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

3754.718

Listen, I know we aren't great friends, but next time you, Ron, Louis and Nate get together up there to play a round of golf, I'll carry your bag.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

3769.429

They don't care. There's no rules. I love it. I love golf and I'll be happy to play around with you. I'll even, I'll pay for the fireball. I'll put a link to all of Kathleen's stuff inside of the show notes. I could talk to you for another hour and a half, Kathleen. I hope that you come back because I enjoy your comedy and I think you're a great person to talk to. This is a ton

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

3812.996

I feel the same way about my own voice.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

3819.021

Your podcast is great too. Can I just share one thing with you, Kathleen? Please don't take any offense to this. Put a microphone on your producer. No.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

3838.936

But I want to hear what she has to say and I can't hear her.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Yeah. Well, no, don't fire her. I was watching it actually on YouTube this morning and I was like, I can't hear what she's saying. But you do repeat a lot of the stuff that she says.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

3886.763

It's not for everyone. We've had a million taglines. And we'll have a new one after this too. Kathleen Madigan, you're fantastic. Thanks and you're welcome back anytime. And we hope you do come back.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Okay, Kathleen Madigan.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

3944.91

I mean, we say this a lot. I know. But it is true. I mean, I don't want to just sound repetitive.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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But it is fun talking to these people because, you know, they're human beings, but they don't have to be interesting and fun to talk to. You know what I'm saying? If I went to a bar tomorrow and I talked to 20 people, I think probably 10 of them at least, I would be like, okay, all right, whatever. I don't wish to have another conversation with them. Right.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

3967.759

And then five of them would be kind of interesting. And then five of them you would want to follow up with. You'd be like, those are cool people. I want to hang out with them. I think 90% of the guests that we've had on the commercial break are people you want to hang out with again. They probably aren't saying the same thing about us. But at least we have a good impression.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

397.448

So she's like, that's what she does. She's just stand up. The funny thing is, we were going to go to Daniel Point and it's close to where a lot of Astrid's family lives. So they bought a bunch of tickets and God bless them. And they have no fucking clue what the commercial break is all about. They have no idea. They think it's just some fun project Brian's got going on on the side.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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At least from our perspective, it was a lot of fun. And Kathleen was. And I swear to God, that is like my dream date. Get Nate Bargatze, Louis Black, Ron White, Kathleen Madigan in a bottle of Fireball and let's go play golf. Yeah, that's awesome.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

4000.605

Yeah. And go see fish. Let's all go see fish. That's what it is.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Most of it's not valuable.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Yeah, there's no value. We're not Joe Rogan. We're not informing you about how Doge is saving your money. That's not our lot in life. Ah, good old Jo. I wanted to really ask her about her thoughts. Well, never mind, I'm not going to get into it. I wanted to ask her her thoughts on something, but I refrained, maybe conversation number two.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

4036.119

Yeah, some of the quote-unquote comedians that are out there right now doing their thing. Anyway, she's got Pubcast, which is her, I think it's weekly podcast. You can find that wherever you're listening to this. You can go on the... Und ja, natürlich. There's a special right around the corner, but we can't talk about it.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Keep an eye out for Kathleen's new special sometime later on this year, I would imagine.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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She's working on it, as are we. We're working on it, too. Alright, well. What else is there to say?

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Yeah. She's my Aunt Sandy. Well, without the gay part. I mean, I don't know if she's gay and who gives a shit anyway. It doesn't really matter. Anyway, it doesn't really matter, but I'm saying Aunt Sandy... Das ist Kathleen. Kathleen ist Anne Sandy. Sie haben beide den selben Sinn für Humor. Es ist so vergnügt und relatable für mich.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

4115.952

Ja. Ich wünschte, Anne Sandy wäre noch da. Ich weiß. Ich wünschte, sie könnte auf den Telefon kommen und sprechen, weil du würdest sagen, sie ist ein Lachen im Moment. Ja. Sie hat 100 Millionen Dollar in ihrem Leben gemacht und verloren. 100 Millionen Dollar. Nicht so viel wie die Katze.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

4130.544

Not as much as the cat lady who lost billions of dollars. Well, Aunt Sandy lost it for a different reason, but I won't get into all the family drama. But I will just share this, that Aunt Sandy for one of our birthdays came to our house in Chicago, picked Kevin and I up, took us to Toys R Us, gave us each a cart and said, go for it. Can you imagine? Best day of my life. G.I. Joe's left and right.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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They still think I'm in real estate. And so... And I'll keep it that way as long as possible.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Teddy Ruxpin. I think I got a speaking spell. I think I even got a cabbage patch doll. Which my mom went to war over to get us for Christmas and then Aunt Sandy comes and we just throw in the basket. Mom got us one cabbage patch doll.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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You should be that aunt. You're going to need a different job, but you can be that aunt. Das ist das, was ich mache. I call customer service, it just changed my name. Also, at the commercial break on Instagram, please follow us there, TCB Podcast on TikTok. For every episode on video, you can go to youtube.com slash the commercial break.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

4222.668

The same day they air here on the audio feed, 99% of the time, they're out there already, unless YouTube has flagged the video. And tcbpodcast.com for audio, video, and your free schwag. Just give us your address and we'll send it off. Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for now. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. And best to you.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

425.429

Yeah, that's right. So we canceled those Dania Point shows because I was not feeling well. But we still managed to make it to Spain a couple weeks before my surgery to go to a wedding that I talked about.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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And I'm like, oh.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Anyway, I'm really interested to talk to Kathleen because I know she's been around the block and she's seen a few things and I like to dig into that stuff. You know, we have a lot of new comics that come out. I say new comics, they've been doing it for a long time, but they're just kind of hitting their stride and Kathleen's been doing this for a long time.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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One thing I've noticed about Kathleen, following her on social media, is that she sells out theaters. I mean, she's doing theaters.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Yeah, and to be a comic for that long and still be selling out theaters is, you know, there's got to be a real sense of accomplishment about that. You've hit it. You've done it. You're moving into your, you know, the later stage of your life and you're still selling out theaters. I wonder if you ever, like when you're a stand-up comic like that, do you think about retirement?

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Or do you, you know, like here with the commercial break, and this is not a joke, I've actually thought about this, like how long can we actually do this show for?

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Ja. Do we go to where 55? Do we go to where 60? I mean, I guess that largely depends on how little money we make over the next couple of years. But it's like, how long do we do this before we just say, okay, I think we're too old to be doing a comedy podcast that's at all relevant.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

539.384

It might be next year.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

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Well, the market has already spoken, Chrissy. The market has already spoken. We're just not listening. So kathleenmadigan.com is where you can get tickets to her tour. She's on the never-ending tour. This is not like Kathleen. It's Ich glaube, die Tickets sind diese Woche auf dem Markt, oder? Tickets are on sale this week for her fall tour.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

575.736

She is currently on her spring tour, spring and summer tour. And I was just looking, there's like 26 more dates still available for the spring summer tour. I'm sure she takes a little bit of a break and then she'll do the fall tour. And that's going to be extensive. Also, she has many specials available. You can go to KathleenMadigan.com.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

593.626

She's got Netflix specials, Amazon specials, Comedy Central specials, YouTube specials. She's got all kind of material out there. And she's really funny. She's got that Midwestern charm and politeness. with a very witty and edgy sense of... You have to be good at what you're doing to do it for 30 plus years.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

611.405

Oh yeah, for sure.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

617.82

Like some other folks we've had here or some comedians who have been doing this for a long time, Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld, you have to be really good and you have to really enjoy the art and craft of stand-up. And that is not easy. Because like we've talked about with so many comedians on this show, this is not Led Zeppelin. You don't get to go and play your greatest hits.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

639.129

You have to keep coming up with new material. If Kathleen wants to sell out Ja. Ja. Like, bless your heart. hat die ganze Familie, überzeugt, aber nicht gesprochen, über die Frau, mit der sie gelebt hat, für 47 Jahre ihrer Leben, war nur ihr bester Freund.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

708.506

Es war so katholisch. Ich meine, kurze Haare, beide von ihnen. Short hair. They would work out together. They had naked statues of women everywhere around their house. They both drove a Jaguar. I have never seen a more lesbian couple in my entire life. But no one ever said it out loud and everyone pretended like they were just best friends living together. And that's what they told the kids.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

729.194

Oh, they're best friends. They live together. Now, I also lived with my best friend, too, who was a guy. But that lasted for about six months until the apartment got too smelly, too full of beer cans. Too much biohazard material around. Until we forgot to pay rent and then we got kicked out. I mean, this was not that. These two were definitely married, essentially, for so many years.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

753.885

And it was a loving relationship. And I'm not saying that's Kathleen. I'm not saying she's trying to hide the fact of anything. But Aunt Sandy was so funny. Because I think she had this different perspective on life. And her comedy was sly, biting, under, it was just quiet. It was quiet comedy. And if you didn't, if you weren't picked, she was so smart too.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

775.535

And if you weren't picking up on it, then you may not have known that Aunt Sandy was actually making fun of you. But I quickly caught on to it. And I loved it. Everything about Aunt Sandy was awesome to me. I really enjoyed it. Including the statues of the naked ladies all around her house. It was my favorite house to go to.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

790.359

And I don't think my mom brought us over there very often because of all the naked ladies hanging around. All the pictures and portraits of nude women all around the house. Anyway, you get what I'm saying. Okay, KathleenMadigan.com, links in the show notes. Chrissy, let's do this.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

803.786

Why do we not take a break and then when we get back through the magic of this awkward transition phase and telepodcasting, we'll bring Kathleen Madigan on from wherever in the world she is. I think Nashville. We'll grab her, we'll talk to her, we'll keep her here as long as we can. Like a hostage situation, we'll keep her here just as long as we can. Yes, let's do it.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

919.718

Und danke, Kathleen, dass du mitgekommen bist. Wir haben es wirklich gefreut.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

943.738

Was hast du unter dir? Was ist unter dir? Das ist Granit unter dir? Oder was ist da unten?

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

956.371

Yeah, don't do it.

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

967.943

So you take your chances. $200,000, that's a lot of money. That could go to good news somewhere else. You get a pool. I mean, you get a pool for $200,000. You got a pool over there in Nashville?

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TCB Infomercial: Kathleen Madigan

983.936

You'll be fine from the tornado. Do you live in the city of Nashville? Are you like city proper?

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1019.822

Not just standing there like a loony. That is the point that you made that I thought was pretty prescient. And we had this conversation in the studio a couple of weeks ago. We were kind of talking about how some of my children are now listening to Michael Jackson because Michael Jackson is in some of these cartoon movies that he's got, like he's got, you know, the bad thriller and stuff like that.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1037.476

And I was like, I wonder if that's, you know, I wonder if I should have any feelings about that. But I really don't because sometimes it's important to separate the art from the artist. And you said something interesting. I'm not going to butcher your joke, but you said something interesting. I don't follow Kanye on Twitter. I follow him on Spotify. And I think that was a really well done joke.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1058.527

That is a prescient point. Like all artists are fucking Looney Tunes. Looney. Looney Tunes. All of them.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1066.531

went last night and saw bill murray and his blood brothers the band so bill murray singing playing drums and tambourine very poorly i'm a cowbell yeah bill murray the comedian comic actor yeah comic actor it was crazy he's got like an eight piece band that he travels that he travels well let's be real about this it's the band it's the band with bill murray How was it?

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1094.418

It was actually entertaining. I give it that. I think that's a good way to put it. It was entertaining. I don't want to knock it because we had a ton of fun.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1102.784

But this is a $5 cover band anywhere else without Bill Murray. This is the house band at some cheap bar that serves $5 drafts. That's what it is. But they were talented, no doubt.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1118.396

I can't say that about Bill.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

112.814

And Kendrick Lamar was there. And so was Donald Trump and Taylor Swift. We'll get into all of that tomorrow in detail. But wow, what a blowout.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1129.64

I don't want my artists. If they're not a little bit insane, do you know what I'm saying? Take away all the, all the people have done shit, all the artists who have done shitty, crazy things and go and take your, your, I don't know, your Spotify playlist or your CDs or your albums or whatever, go take them and throw them in the garbage and you will have nothing left. There's nothing else there.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1159.155

It's true. It's true. So tell me about the traveling.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1193.735

Do you think, while we're talking about Kanye, are you under the assumption, I am, that he's just trolling everybody? Yes. That that's just like a master troll? Yes, 100%.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

123.617

The Philadelphia Eagles. Manhandled Patrick Mahomes. They did. Manhandled Mahomes. Probably the best quarterback certainly of our, you know, in this time period. Shocking. It really was. I don't know the first fucking thing about football and I was shocked.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1238.153

So that was a failure. It's true. I think it's illegal in some parts of the world to have that mustache, actually, isn't it? In Germany, I think. Really? I think frowned upon. I think frowned upon. Yeah. Germans got super sad. I do know for a fact that you cannot have the name Adolf anywhere in Germany. That's a name that you cannot put on a birth certificate. Really? He ruined it. He did.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1263.425

One bad egg. One super bad egg. Yeah. Yeah. What's going to happen to all the Donalds out there of 150 years for an hour? The Joes. What are we going to do, Chrissy, when we can't name our kids Donald or Joe anymore? You have an excellent podcast called You Be Trippin'. It's really good. What gave you the premise? Actually, I have to say this.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1283.591

Ari, you've been doing podcasting a lot longer than people have known about podcasting. Weren't you on Rogan's episode number two or three or something?

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1319.694

Yeah, it certainly has become a vehicle.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1326.604

Yeah, it's been around for 15 years. When did you do your first podcast? Like 2010, right?

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1344.725

It really is. I think that if you're a comedian, an entertainer, I mean, it's just a thing you have to do. It's a rubber stamp. You have to get a podcast.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1369.991

When we did our first podcast and we would, I mean, this is five or six years ago. We come from radio. We worked in radio back in the...

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1378.133

at the tail end of the demise of what was radio you brought it down you killed it that's true luckily we weren't on air we were on the business side of things so it was even shittier on the sales side than it was on the on air side you thought the on air guys were buffoons you should have seen some of the people we worked with I mean used car sales yeah that must have been great local radio and the people that came at you guys oh yeah wow it was entertaining

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1406.645

Yeah, you're like going to a dry cleaner and begging them to spend $1,000 on two spots that are clearly or might bring them some business. But you have to be convinced that this is it. And knowing damn well that every other radio station in town is every other person in town has come to them. Calling on them, yeah. We used to hear stories that in radio, when we got into, this was like 2005, 2006.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

141.503

During the second quarter, I was like, well, this is over, I guess. I guess we're just going to all sit here and watch the Eagles. It honestly looked like a high school team playing a flag football team. It was unbelievable how the Eagles tore them apart in every aspect of the game. What do they have, like 100 yards of total offense or something like that?

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1429.739

So right when podcasting was coming online. That's right. We worked for Clear Channel and what is now iHeartRadio. They didn't even have an app yet. Like it was coming online when we were starting. So we used to hear stories about the heyday back in the 90s where they would have a margarita machine next to the fax machine. Next to the cocaine. Next to the cocaine.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1451.27

And the fax machine would just ring all day. People just sending an order. Tens of thousands of dollars worth of radio because that was kind of the only game in town. You were either doing TV or radio and TV was prohibitively expensive. Yeah. But by the time we got there, things were a little bit different.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1482.376

Sounds great. Congratulations on you. That sounds good for you. But I think comedy right now is kind of seeing a renaissance. It has. Oh, yeah.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1499.381

Yeah. In Berlin, there's mobs every show. Do you yourself do a lot of traveling for comedy? Yeah. I mean, besides here, like the continental United States. Do you do a lot of traveling outside the U.S.?

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1519.754

Yeah, that's what I was wondering.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

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And then you're out there.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

163.278

And I don't even know what that means, Chrissy. I don't even know what that means.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1679.645

They don't grow it naturally. Everything there has got to be imported, right? So that's probably why it's some of the worst cocaine.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

168.302

Yeah, it was 23 to nothing and 30 to nothing within the third. Anyway, TCB Infomercial Tuesday. You're not here to listen to football and listen about football. I know that if you're here to hear Brian talk about football, change the channel. Not going to do it.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1687.529

Where are they getting the cocaine from? It's certainly not coming from South America. China, probably, I would imagine. Where does Europe get their cocaine? From Africa. Oh, really? Yeah. I think they ship it over and they run it through Africa. We went to Sevilla, Spain for a wedding, which is near the Cape. So you could take a boat over to Africa.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1709.58

And one of the guys was telling me that Sevilla, while a beautiful and pretty tame town in general, is known to have a lot of drug running through it. People will take over those boats, those ferries. Because it's on

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1721.65

the water yeah because it's on the water and they'll then they'll run drugs up into uh europe into spain yeah on a ferry on a ferry and and great britain's appetite for cocaine has grown exponentially so there's a lot of drug running that goes around that goes on through spain so that they can get it up to europe i know all about the cocaine and don't ask me why it's not because i spent 10 years of my life staring at myself in a mirror on the table

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1766.822

Hey, man, that guy over there, he's a cokehead. Yeah? Really? I'm going to go.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1774.607

I'll talk to him. I'll be back in two to three hours. We're going to go to the bathroom together.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1779.429

you didn't know what cocaine was and you're like why is everyone's bladder so small everyone just keeps getting up I've been to those parties yeah before you knew what it was only parties I went to for a long time right yeah I was a manager at a bar and you would it was just clear as day if you knew what to look for and I did because it takes one to know one right if you knew what to look for you would know and then of course you always had the local dealer you know the guy that sits

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1808.285

They sit at the bar. They sit at the bar and you just kind of keep them in check a little bit. You're like, hey, don't be so obvious about it, you know, because it's good for business. Yeah, be less obvious about your cocaine. We talked to Steve O. It was like a couple, I don't know, a year, year and a half ago.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1822.534

And Steve was telling us that when he was getting high, he had a night with Mike Tyson where they did two eight balls of cocaine. They sat in a Las Vegas bar.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

183.999

uh tcb infomercial tuesday with ari shafir he is here with us i'm so excited to talk to ari ari is a noted comic who has many specials out there he's been doing this for a very long time a podcaster longer than i guarantee you and i have even known what i've known about podcasts for a long time i guarantee he was doing it long before we even heard the word on the bandwagon he has He has.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1832.901

bathroom for four hours eight balls of cocaine him and mike tyson he told this story and for like five minutes i didn't say a word my jaw was on the floor i was like think about being in a room coked up with a certified killer a small room and i know mike see you know he seems now like a very self-reflective smart you know empathetic human being but there was a time this is hope mike

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1865.326

Tell me what your favorite place to visit is. Like all the places you've been, what is your favorite?

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1897.452

Oh my God.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1917.485

Yeah. They're all blonde and six feet tall.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1927.394

Oh, really?

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1931.638

I love that. Hey, that's incredible. Is Iceland one of the favorite places that you've been?

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

1980.049

I've heard Berlin is like the wildest party scene on earth.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

2051.197

That's incredible. I like sometimes watching videos about the Berlin club scene because it's just wild. It's like literally an old steel factory, 15 football fields large, not a space in between the human beings. There's 10,000 people in there and they're all just fucked up and getting down. And it feels, even when you're watching the videos, it feels liberating. You're like, oh, wow.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

208.755

2015, I think, is when he started his first podcast. He's made many appearances on many different podcasts, including The Rogan Show, Tom Segura's podcast. And then he's got his own podcast called You Be Trippin', which is very good.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

2151.563

We visit Spain a lot. And, you know, Spain is also another liberated country. You walk on any of the beaches there and you're certainly going to see tits, if not the whole thing. And they don't care. There's literally children right next to the nude women. It's just part of the culture. They're not hung up on all the stuff we are. Yeah. But I learned the first time. Wear sunglasses.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

2171.178

Wear sunglasses. Yeah, don't stare at anybody.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

2194.116

that is a little bit weird but there you know there's like this separatist culture sometimes that goes on in Spain because there is a whole part the Basque country in Spain that is a different universe and they speak a different version of you know they in some parts they speak a different language almost I mean it's a dialect but it's almost a different language but there's a separatist like Basque country is different than the rest of Spain and you need to be mindful sometimes about what you know what you say and who you're with

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

2223.214

Yeah, it was cool.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

223.305

It's really funny. Now on my fourth episode, and I've really been enjoying it. I just listened to the one with Jim Gaffigan, which I thought was really good. Wait, did you listen? Harland. I listened to the Harland. Oh, you listened to the Harland? You listened to Harland Williams? Williams. OK, well, we'll talk more about that with Ari. And now he's got his brand new Netflix special is out.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

2231.979

Oh, they definitely want out.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

2235.582

I like in Texas, Texas to America is what Basque Country is to Spain. They believe they're a different country. Everybody says they're a different country. They don't sometimes follow the same rules. There's just a long history in Spain of... civil disobedience and unrest and stuff like that. The Spanish Civil War was not too long ago, actually.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

2269.845

My brother-in-law just moved there, and he comes back, and he's like, Texas is great. I'm like, dude, first of all, you're Venezuelan. Second of all, you just came from Venezuela. Don't act like you know Texas is a different country.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

2283.796

I know, but he's got it. He's only been there for two weeks, and all of a sudden, Texas needs to separate from the United States. And I'm like, dude, come on. Really? Don't be like that. Don't be like that. Get in the country first and then go from there. Who's your favorite guest on UB Trippin' and what's the favorite story you've heard on UB Trippin' so far?

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

2398.903

That's been some good ones. That's a really good one. Yeah, you've had some interesting guests on this. Harlan Williams, by the way, has that Disney money. He's got that Puppy Dog Pals cash. Puppy Dog Pals. What is that from? That's the name of the show. You wouldn't know this unless you had young kids. Yeah, it's Puppy Dog Pals.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

240.017

America's Sweetheart. This one is got me. That one had me rolling on the floor.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

2414.535

He created it and he does the voices or a few of the voices in this show called Puppy Dog Pals, which took over this. Like now it's Bluey. It's all about Bluey. But a cycle ago, it was all Puppy Dog Pals all the time.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

2428.545

on uh disney jr yeah and it was created by harland and i think he wrote a lot of the stories so and you know i it was like harland williams you could hear the voice you could un you recognize the voice instantaneous you had talker carlson on i didn't listen to the episode but that was an interesting get

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

246.101

He is really good at what he does. So Ari is here. We're going to talk all about it. He's also got his farewell tour. I'd like to get to the bottom of that. Why is he faring well?

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

256.688

We're going to find out. Will this be an eagle? No pun intended. Will this be an Eagles type situation? Where Ari just says it's farewell and then he comes back seven or eight times? Or is this the nail in the coffin for Ari Shafir? We will find out, Chrissy. Yes, we will. Because I will go right at him. I'm going to ask him the tough questions. Like, why are you calling this the farewell tour?

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

2562.186

I would fall victim to this if I'm being real honest. If I'm being real self-reflective, I would fall victim to this because I see the word Tucker Carlson and I feel a certain type of way. And then I'm like, okay, not going to listen to that. I'm not going to let it get under my skin, right? It doesn't make me discount the conversation. It doesn't make me discount you.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

2581.153

It's just like, I just don't care for Tucker Carlson. But I do like what you're saying. Yeah, he's a great traveler. You know who we had on? I don't know if you've ever seen the guy, Channel 5 News, Andrew Callahan. You don't watch political stuff, but there's a guy on YouTube named Andrew Callahan, and he made a documentary on HBO called This Place Rules. Anyway, he's a kid. He's not a kid.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

2602.925

He's in his 20s. He started out as a kid. Yeah, he's got millions of dollars. Is that All Breaks, No Gas? All Gas, No Breaks. All Gas, No Breaks, yeah.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

2610.089

Yeah, so we had him on last week, right? Oh, cool. And this show is not political. We call it the commercial break. Take a break from all the bullshit. Great. That's my whole special. Yeah. There you go. That's my whole special's point. Great. I love it. And your special is great. And it does...

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

2625.683

do that particular ethos a lot of justice but we had him on and one of the reasons why I had him on even though we don't talk about politics because Andrew is saying we have to get to the reasons why people are so divisive and stop talking about and stop harping on the talking points that are making it so divisive we're not getting anywhere with that and so he put out a new documentary does a really good job of kind of like you know uncovering why people are getting to this point and who they are as human beings because we're

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

2654.665

They're your neighbors.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

2655.946

Everybody, you know, we can't go on forever just fucking at each other's throats. We have to, there has to be some conversation. You make an interesting point. Let's take him away from the thing that's making him divisive and just make him, there's humanity there. Let's talk about it. We have some shared interests. So congratulations.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

2735.217

Yeah. Well, we didn't talk about politics for four, five years almost. Then we said the word and then the election came and we felt that it was just like too big of a story to ignore. We had to say something, but we didn't bash anybody. We just said, you know, Trump's

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2750.066

president and even though he wasn't our choice uh we wish we hope that everything goes well and you would not believe that within a heartbeat we had reviews of people we're not i'm never listening to you again you bash trump and it's like i didn't bash trump that's not what i did i just said that he wasn't my choice but yeah so everyone's this round up like it's it's crazy i don't think you can change it you want to change it you can't change i think you just gotta focus on yourself and just be like you know the starfish thing no what's that those two guys walking on the beach and um

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

278.215

If you're looking for hard-hitting interview styles where Brian talks over the guests the entire time, this is your place, my friends. This is your place. But before we get to that, I have one note. Chrissy and I last week went and saw Bill Murray and the Blood Brothers. Long time coming.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

2859.013

Yeah. You, you, you know, the guy, uh, Dr. Wayne Dyer passed away a couple of years ago. You see me on PBS all the time. Bald guy is, you know, anyway, he calls himself Dyer. Yeah, he did. He had this saying, it said, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at start to change. Right. And, um,

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

2877.37

I think that's what you're saying, essentially, and focus on the things that are good instead of the things that divide us. You're getting me.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

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I didn't expect to feel this way about this interview. I'm having feelings. I had this friend who moved to Los Angeles, and he goes, he hated it.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

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It is true because there is, you know, I don't want to get like too woo woo here on this particular podcast. I'll do that in my own personal life. But at the end of the day, the metaphysical becomes the physical. So if you are wishing the negative, if you are talking about it constantly, you're going to manifest and focus on those things.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

295.321

I got these tickets for my brothers and for my father to go see Bill Murray, who the entire family just really enjoys Bill Murray. And we're from Chicago. There's some connections there. So my dad has been kind of putting Bill Murray in front of us since we were little kids in the early years of Saturday Night Live, all of his movies, Caddyshack. Of course, we can go on and on.

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2951.078

It's not to say that you can just think yourself into being a millionaire. I don't believe that. But if you can't also, you can certainly think yourself out of being a millionaire. Do you know what I'm saying? You can certainly focus on the negative and stay depressed and lazy and unmotivated.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

3028.987

Yeah. And I take this stance that, you know, in this country, at least, we have the freedom to vote for who we want to. And no matter who is in office, and you're right, the pendulum swings one way or the other. You can make fun of them. You can make fun of them. Yeah. And you can wish them well.

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TCB Infomercial: Ari Shaffir

3043.011

You can not like the things that they do, but you can also agree that when they do things that are good for you or that you agree with, you should applaud those efforts because that is the way that the country works. Actually, rooting for someone to fail is rooting for negativity in general. Yeah, I like that.

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Sure. I would. I would. If Trump came in the room today, I would not leave.

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Just don't follow it. I agree with you 100%. We said this during the campaign, and while this was not the platform for it, but if either of those candidates had said, you know, hey, I'll have a conversation with you, how could you at least not have that conversation, right?

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How could you at least not want to talk to them and try and get inside of their heads or have a conversation that might be meaningful or maybe even lead to some change? If you could get Biden...

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We'll take him to a German sex club. We'll have him both hands naked with socks on. If it's me, I'm bringing him ayahuasca. If it's me, I'm bringing him ayahuasca. I saw the most interesting reel one time. This guy had made an AI. He had said, what if Trump did ayahuasca? He made an AI reel about the evolution of Trump if Trump did ayahuasca.

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He was in Stripes, which is one of the funniest fucking movies ever. That is Bill Murray at his zenith, in my opinion. Either that or What About Bob? It just depends on which style you like. You could go Lost in Translation. Oh, Groundhog Day.

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And it turned him into it went through all these pictures and photographs as he went from like this stern, grumpy, you know, kind of vengeful guy into this loving, caring hippie where his hair grew out and he was shirtless.

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And he was sitting there like this, going like this. And I thought to myself, it could fucking happen. It could fucking happen. If a guy wants to do ayahuasca, Trump, if you want to do ayahuasca, I know a guy who knows a guy. I'm just saying. We can do it together. You know a shaman.

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Yes. Hooray.

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If we had the, if every, I mean, listen, ayahuasca is not to be toyed with. She is a fickle bitch, right? But if those who are ready would do it, I think that we probably have a little bit. We could start with Molly. We could start with Molly.

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If everyone can see how the ego is driving us all fucking up a wall, then I think most of us would agree.

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addicted to mushrooms oh my god what a silly what a silly thing to think do some mushrooms you'll understand you're not doing that every tuesday night right um hey ari i wanted to ask you something are you taking a break yeah i'll get a good travel for a while oh are you good for you good yeah i'm gonna put it i'm gonna sell all my stuff and uh

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Caddyshack. A million other movies.

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Ghostbusters. Ghostbusters 2. Every single Wes Anderson movie he's been in. Love those. Which was the one about the school, the kid in the school?

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I'll text you. You're texting my wife, so I'll text you back. I'm keeping it close. Oh, no disrespect. I was just trying to rearrange the... Hey, I just want to rearrange the meeting.

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Yeah, I agree with you. And I think that you doing that indicates you have some level of mental health because so many people, including myself, will just work yourself into a frenzy and just keep on going and just keep on going. I'll put it off. I'll do it next year.

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And even though I do do a lot of traveling, I can understand that it must be really difficult to take a pause and say, I'm actually going to take this year off and I'm just going to... Take care of myself. I'm going to do some traveling. I'm going to go and do what I want to do. Enjoy the fruits of my labor.

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Royal Tenenbaums was fantastic, but there was the one about the school. Anyway, you get it. He's been in a ton of those. So Chrissy and I went and saw Bill Murray and the Blood Brothers, or as we found out, the Blood Brothers, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, with Bill Murray playing the tambourine. And the cowbell. And the cowbell. And he sang a few songs.

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And you know what? You're going to come back and probably create the best special that you've created because you're going to have perspective to work on it. Cut your teeth, conferences, experiences, meeting people. Yeah. And you're going to dry the market. You're going to dry the RE market out. There's going to be no supply. You'll build up demand. There you go. Exactly. Exactly.

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If you don't see me now, you're not going to see me for quite a while. Yeah. Right. You got to think about it that way. Ari, this is a conversation. We can talk forever. We can talk forever. This is a conversation I didn't expect, actually. And I'm so glad that we had an opportunity to do it. I love it. Yeah. I play a heel online, so. Yeah. If you talk to me, it's like, oh.

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Well, actually, I never thought ill of you. I just was, you know, I was curious about some things. Like, oh, I wonder why Tucker Carlson. Yeah, Tucker Carlson seems like an interesting choice. But you watch your special and it's clear that you're on the team of common sense, humanity, and being pragmatic about the way that you look at the world.

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And I can appreciate you said, hey, listen, I don't watch the fucking news. Haven't in years. That's something I wish I could do. But I really appreciate your perspective. And I've enjoyed this conversation. Yeah, that's good. We're going to see you in March. America's sweetheart. Okay.

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I will text you. We will be there for sure. Thank you very much for the offer. We'll take you up on it. I want to come see you. If I can talk to Molly for you, I will, but I'm just coming into town. Well, listen, you're coming into town, so we'll take care of it. We'll take care of you. Okay? This is our turn. Let us treat you.

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And when you wake up the next morning, we'll take you for some fantastic breakfast at burgers.

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If you can see straight. Listen, we just went to Bill Murray last night. Chrissy and I did. And we're lucky Chrissy showed up today. That's all I got to say. Oh, really?

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Ari's brand new special, America's Sweetheart, is now streaming on the mega comedy platform, The Netflix. And he's also got his podcast, You Be Trippin', available on Apple Podcasts, wherever you find your, wherever you're listening to this podcast, you can check out his. It is a fascinating podcast. I've listened to a couple of episodes. I will now go listen to the Tucker episode.

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Permission granted, Tucker Carlson.

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I will hide in the corner and listen. I'm granting myself permission. Go to the Harland one too. That's the one I'm actually interested in listening to is the Harland one. Ari, we'll see you in a couple of weeks. You are welcome back anytime, my friend. Thank you so much. Enjoy Nashville. And thanks for your perspective. Appreciate it.

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We'll talk more about that later on this week also. But I thought there was an interesting little through line there when last night I was watching the Super Bowl, the big game as they call it, Chrissy, down in the Big Easy, if you don't mind. And Bill Murray popped on for about 15 seconds and gave his email address.

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Wow. Did not expect that conversation from Ari. And I'm sure I'm glad that we had him on because I have a new level of fandom for Mr. Ari. And I can't wait to see him. I hope that we get to go to the show here in Atlanta. I'm going to have Astrid text him, so don't get too excited. If he gives us tickets, we're going to go. Maybe even if he doesn't give us tickets, then we'll go regardless.

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I don't think I've ever seen comedy at the Tabernacle. Oh, you haven't? No, I've never seen comedy at the Tabernacle.

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You saw Joe Rogan at the Tabernacle? Rachel and I, yeah. Really? Yeah. How long ago? Years ago. Really?

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And what did you think?

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It was? All right. There you go. Look at that. Chrissy's at the tabernacle watching.

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That is. It was my part of town for a long time, too. But then you get kids and you go north. That's what happens. Everybody goes north when they have kids. For understandable reasons. There's more land. You got, you know, whatever. Anyway, I don't want to get into all the local politics here. But Ari was, I thought, a very fascinating character. Me too. Really funny.

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And I'm so glad that we had a chance to have him on. And I hope he does come back. That could have been a conversation that went on for two hours, if I'm being honest. But we don't get that much time with guests. We're no Joe Rogan. Ari will spend four hours with Joe, but he won't spend one hour with us. Thanks, Ari. Appreciate it. I'm kidding, of course.

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All right, so all of Ari's information is going to be down in the show notes. I would certainly appreciate it if you go check out his new special, and I know he would too, America's Sweetheart, his tickets to his farewell tour.

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Did you know it's called his farewell tour? I did.

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I thought that was interesting that we just did a farewell episode a couple days ago, and now look at that. Ari's here doing his farewell tour.

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I wish him... Good for him. That sounds fun. When I saw that he was taking a break, when I listened to his podcast, and then I kind of put two and two together... Which is called You Be Trippin'. You Be Trippin', yeah. When I saw that he was taking a break, the first thing that I thought was, oh, I hope there's no health issues or anything like that.

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I hope he's not taking off because there's something that he needs to go do health-wise. But by all indications, he's just going to... Do it. Soak it all up. Enjoy life. And he's right. He's right about this. You should do that before you get to the villages, not after you get to the villages.

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Because there are so many times that I'm traveling and with older people or I see older people and they're not having the time of it that they could have had had they done this 30 years earlier. That's not no knock on them. It's just like... He's right. I don't want to be that person.

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I would rather do it now, have the memories, and then do what I can when I get older than wish that I had done all of that and trying to do it as I get older. Ari Schaefer, very funny. All the information in the show notes as it always is. Thank you very much for coming in, Ari. We certainly do appreciate it. Yeah. AriShafer.com, America's sweetheart. Tickets on sale now and you be tripping.

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Bill himself at Yahoo.com. Now... I know I was getting tricked, but I had to go along with it anyway. You wanted to see. I had to take the chance that we might actually be emailing Bill Murray. That Bill might have spent four and a half million dollars just to have people email him so he could fuck around, right? Because that's the kind of guy that Bill is. He doesn't have a cell phone.

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Right. Yeah. Yeah, you got a doobie? Can I hit that? I got any shrooms? These people were talking about their cataracts. Or doing the Trump dance. There's a couple guys doing the Trump dance. Well, I mean, Bill himself is 74 years old. He's no spring chicken. But he looked good out there. I do have to give it to him. He looked good out there. He went full bore the whole time.

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More cowbells.

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Well, you know, I don't want to down on Bill because I know he's doing his thing. But it's clear that what Bill did is he found a band that he really, really likes. And he said, I want to help you guys out a little bit.

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I'll sell the tickets. You guys take the cash. I'll be at the Ritz. You'll be at the Red Roof Inn. I'll take the private plane. You take the tour bus rented at U-Haul. You guys do the load in, load out. I'll be there 15 minutes before the show starts. But, you know, hey, listen, I'm sure if I'm in the Blood Brothers, I'm not complaining one bit. I've been doing this all my life.

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I like shitty little dive bars. And finally, I'm selling out bigger venues. And it doesn't matter because now I get to hang out with Bill Murray. And I'm sure there are some stories to tell. Oh, to be backstage at the Bill Murray show. All right. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822.

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Text us questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, or leave us a voicemail and you can be on the next episode of the commercial break. Make it short. Make it brief. Don't say your name if you don't want your name heard.

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He doesn't have an agent. He only has a home phone that he never answers. Apparently in Charleston that Chrissy and I have tried to dial a number of times. We did. And an email address is like one of the only ways that you can get a script over to Bill. It's like there's story after story after story about how hard it is to try and get Bill Murray to be involved in anything.

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So I thought, who the fuck still has a Yahoo address? I know. Who? No one. So clearly this is his real email address because this is the way Bill Murray would have done it. Fax machine and Yahoo email address. That's clearly what's got to be going on here.

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So I emailed that fucking email address, and what comes back is the strangest fucking story about him seeing a dog in the mirror, and then he had to go to the vet to get checked out. It's like a really weird, convoluted, complicated marketing scheme, I guess is the best way to put it, for Yahoo Mail. An effort to bring back Yahoo. It's not going to happen.

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We all have bad memories of our Yahoo accounts. We're not going back there. We all have bad memories of not being able to email, not understanding what email is, and Nigerian email scammers. We all have a bad memory about trying to get $14 million out of South Africa. Okay? We all have it. Everyone's got that story because Yahoo put us in that position. And I'm sorry, Yahoo. I'm not going back.

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If I show up to a meeting, any meeting, even though I'm a dumb, mediocre comedy podcaster, if I was to show up to a meeting and say, yeah, my email address is brianpodcast at yahoo.com. People would laugh me out of the room. There's no serious person in the world that still has a Yahoo email address. Is there?

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No. Chrissy said no.

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Oh, don't even get me started on AOL. I actually just emailed with a guy who had an AOL email address.

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I think AOL is still sending out those disks for free hours of internet. Download now. And then it would take you three hours to get the disk to load onto your computer. Yeah, listen, those were the early pioneers of the internet, but they just kind of mishandled the whole situation. Didn't Yahoo get bought by somebody? I don't know. I had a friend who worked for Yahoo for the longest time.

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He was like, he would make... banner ads for Yahoo. Sure. Not for their clients, but for Yahoo. And he would make like the tiles that would show up on the homepage. And he was really good at what he did. He was like a really good designer. And Yahoo paid him a dick shit of money to do this day after day, night after night. He would create them like five in a day.

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And Yahoo apparently was a great company to work for. But somewhere along the way, Yahoo fell out of favor. And I don't know How that happened.

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Yeah.

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We all migrated to Google, where now they just, I don't know, it just says Google on it. It doesn't give you any information. It just says Google.

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But Yahoo was so embedded in my life that I remember feeling, you know, there's like certain brands that you buddy up to. You really feel like, you know, you're... You're there. That's my brand. Yeah. Like Bud Light was my brand for a while. Right. I really liked Bud Light. I wouldn't drink anything else if I had the choice. I was a Bud Light guy.

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When I walked in and I saw that blue box, I knew that was mine. And I she knew I was hers and I knew she was mine. You know, that kind of thing. Yahoo. I had that same sentiment with for a while because, you know, Jam Land Productions at Yahoo dot com. by the way into um was it music live music production yes we would put on festivals and live edm concerts at clubs

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We're a little bit ahead of our time with that one. But jamlandproductions at yahoo.com, probably still out there somewhere, I would imagine. But I felt like some kinship with Yahoo because they were my email service provider. Sure. But I think once I got a Blackberry, it just all turned to shit. I thought, I don't need that Yahoo anymore. But, you know, strange thing about Jam Land Productions.

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That name is actually still alive and kicking with the... I'm sure. With Pete. Oh, right.

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He's still putting on shows under the name Jam Land Productions. There you go.

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We must. You know who else is putting on shows? Who's that? Ari Shaffir is putting on shows. He's on tour. He's on his farewell tour. He's hitting a bunch of different cities, including Atlanta. So we'll have to have a conversation with him about that. We'll angle for free tickets. We'll see what happens. Ari is very popular. He's got many specials out there on YouTube.

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You can go to arishafir.com for all of the information. I will put links in the show notes. You can also check out his new special, America's Sweetheart, which is doing apparently well on Netflix. It pops up I don't know if Netflix just, like, throws those things in front of me. It's probably an algorithm, right? Yeah, it is. You like this, so you'll like that.

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I've read about it a while back, yeah. All right. They're fucking with me like the rest of the internet is? It's all an algorithm. Well, anyway, you might have to go searching for it, but Ari Shaffir has a new special called America's Sweetheart, and it is very good. You should go watch it.

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We're going to talk to Ari about all of his comings and goings and maybe ask him about a few pop culture things and see what, take his, get his temperature.

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We'll take a break, Chrissy. Let's do this. Let's take a break and then do the magic of telepodcasting. We're going to have Ari right here in studio, on that TV, live and in person in front of us. We get to ask all the questions. Are you have your questions ready? I'm down with it. Yeah. Take notes. We'll take a break and we'll be back.

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Ari, thanks so much for joining us today. We really appreciate it.

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Thanks, guys. Thank you very much. You're in the beautiful city of Nash Vegas right now?

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Yeah. Yeah, it is. It's a nice, red town. Where do you go when you're in Nashville? What's your favorite honky tonk to head out to?

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You're doing a number of shows in Vegas, huh? I mean, in Nashville, huh?

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But you weren't doing a show with Nate, were you?

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

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Nate is clean as a whistle. When I watched his recent special, I talked about it here on the air. It's clean as a whistle. It's a different kind of comedy than I'm normally listening to. Yeah, me too. But I thought he did an excellent job. He's really good at his craft. But so are you. America's Sweetheart is an excellent, excellent set of comedy. You did a really good job.

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I thought it was really funny. Congratulations on it.

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Yeah, I agree. I agree with something you said. I wanted to point this out because we were talking about Kanye the other day and his young lady running down the red carpet.

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A hundred percent. You're saying there is no sacred ground anymore.

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Once your vag is out, then there's nothing else left to the imagination. I mean, why even? It's just news. Why even have the thing? We asked the same question. Which I'm for. Yeah. What is it pushing? What agenda is it pushing? Obviously, you're there to get cameras. I know one thing it's pushing.

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It did. That was the purpose. And that's what, you know, that's what Kanye does very well is he gets people talking. And I was telling Chrissy here, I said, this is the first time my wife has ever sent me a nude photograph of a woman that was not her. So mark the time, mark the place. She was like, did you see this? And I see it. I'm zooming in.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us on a Tuesday after the Super Bowl. One of the most uneventful Super Bowls in history. I mean, eventful in the sense that it happened and there were commercials.

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For like 15 minutes, Rolling Stone had the unedited photograph on their Instagram. And I'm sure everybody took a screenshot like I did. But now when Astrid looks at my phone and she sees a nude woman, I'll be like, you sent it to me.

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The Brainrot Has Penetrated

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Oh, okay, brain rot. Ja, wo du... Du bekommst Brüder, weil du gescrollt hast.

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The Brainrot Has Penetrated

1021.014

Es passiert tatsächlich. Und sie wird wahrscheinlich, wahrscheinlich, an einem Punkt einen schrecklichen Fehler machen und in einem schrecklichen Weg enden. Und es war fast traurig für mich. Nicht, dass ein Junge anders wäre, aber ich habe Töchter. Und ich denke darüber nach. Ja, sicher.

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Ja, ich habe wunderschöne, wunderschöne, wunderschöne Nachbarn. Ich spreche über sie oft auf dem Show. Und der Grund, warum, ist, weil es keine Friktion gibt. Zumindest glaube ich nicht, dass es eine Friktion gibt. Ich glaube nicht, dass es eine Friktion gibt. Aber ich bin wahrscheinlich zu überrascht, ob es eine Friktion gibt. I don't care. I don't know. Whatever.

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Wenn das der Art von Verhalten ist, in dem diese jungen Leute sich engagieren, und ich habe stupide Scheiße gemacht, als ich ein Teenager war. Ich bin wie der Posterboy für stupide Scheiße als Teenager. Aber das war, es war so gefährlich. Wenn ich nicht die Bremsen drückte, Yeah, now I feel like it. Are you noticing this? You know me.

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I know, Chrissy hates driving.

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A glass of wine in hand is the truth.

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Yeah, it really is.

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Listen, I think Miami is probably the worst city to drive in. We talked about that, yeah. Because they really don't give a shit. And they have cars that can go, like a lot of people down there are driving those crazy sports cars. Lamborghinis and the Ferraris and the... Testosteronis oder was auch immer sie sind. Ich weiß es nicht. Testosteronis. Ich weiß nicht, was sie sind.

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Und sie benutzen jeden Teil dieser Kraft. Sie fahren wie verdammte Morals. Die Polizisten sind nirgendwo zu finden. Und hör mal, ich glaube, aus der Sicht der Polizisten kann ich verstehen. Ich habe größere Fische, um zu frieren. Ich werde nicht heute Abend sterben, um ein Kind zu fangen, die 112 Meilen pro Stunde auf der Straße. Aber gleichzeitig ist es so aus der Hand.

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Es ist so, wenn du fährst, musst du so aufmerksam sein. Ich habe nichts gemacht, was ich weiß, was ich weiß, was ich weiß. Ja, prove a point. Ja.

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And to Brain Rot.

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Yes, it's probably all of that doom scrolling that's got her thinking silly.

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It could be that, yeah. She's got to get back to her TikTok. And there's a quiz. Or maybe she's making a TikTok video. There's a quiz.

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The Brainrot Has Penetrated

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There's a quiz for Brain Rot.

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Oh man, is it scary. All right, well, let's do this. Let's take a break and we'll do the Brain Rot quiz when we get back.

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Of course they do. They do that a lot. I can hear my name a lot in Spanish conversations. Ay! Ay! But they speed up the talking, so I can't understand. They know that if they get to a certain speed or there's enough of them talking at the same time, I'm clueless. Actually, the other day, so Gustavo and Ali came into town for the Thanksgiving holiday, which was very lovely.

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Oh Gott, nur ein bisschen Spaß hier im neuen Studio. Es ist zweimal so schön. Christine ist so besessen mit den Kamera-Angeln und der Klarheit und Qualität des Videos, wie ich es bin. Wir sagten nur, dass Chrissy hier sein würde. Ich würde sagen, hey, ist die Kamera 30 Grad weg? Sie würde sagen, ich weiß es nicht, ich sehe es nicht.

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Und dann würde ich es auf YouTube sehen und du würdest deinen Kopf schütteln, um es zu sehen. Or half my body would be out of the shot and Chrissy, personal effects were all showing and I'd be like, is the camera angle okay? And you're like, yeah, it looks great. Oh, and now the camera just, camera two just went off. Yeah, it's that one. There we go. Welcome to the commercial break studio.

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This is the gang that couldn't shoot straight right here. Or shite. Or shite. Pull that shite in. Pull that shite closer. Alright, well, while we got brain rot, let's talk about brain rot. Give me the quiz. I hate these things, but I'll do them anyway.

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Yeah, I usually get them from the once every three years I go to BuzzFeed. Oh, one of our kids is home. Yeah. Yes, now she will be in every episode also. The terrible twos have arrived. So the longer I'm here, the better. Let's keep going. Okay, go for it. BuzzFeed me.

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I think... Didn't he win that? No, he won the other one.

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I have a feeling this is not going to be good for me.

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Everyone had a great time. Und Onkel Gustavo. Und jetzt Tia Alley, offiziell Tia Alley. Wir haben sie immer gesagt, aber jetzt ist es offiziell. Sie sind seit 14 Jahren zusammen. Ein langer Zeit. Sie sind zusammen, seit sie Kinder waren. Ich meine, seit Kinder. Du hörst das nicht oft. Ich denke, die meisten von uns... Wow! I didn't realize that. Kevin got engaged.

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Oh, this is multiple choice. Good. I'm good at that. Those are my favorite kind of quizzes.

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Das ist schlechtes Lebensmittel. Ja.

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Nope.

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Cute animals. Oh, fuzzy potatoes, huh? Furry potatoes? That kind of makes sense. Furry potatoes. Furry potatoes.

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Okay.

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Well, it's not Baby Gronk. I think it's Bootsie Dunn. Boosie Dunn. Bootsie Dunn?

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It's Baby Gronk? What?

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Oh, Baby Gronkh. Okay, I get it. Okay, I know who he is now. I'm clear on that.

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Yeah, I know it's not Baby Gronkh. I thought Baby Gronkh might have been like Gronkowski's kid.

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Okay, maybe I'm not as brain-rotty as I thought I was.

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I'm very happy about this.

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Oh, it's gotta be Charlie XCX.

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Your girl. Yes. Well, here's the thing. I don't really pay attention to how many people are following Dua Lipa. In my mind, I'm the only one following Dua Lipa. In my mind, we're in a relationship based on her Instagram feed.

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Oh, yes, she is. God, darn it, that girl is attractive.

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Well, Hot Ones is a famous YouTube show, I think, but I'm sure they have a TikTok following also. Wouldn't know that we don't have a TikTok following, so I wouldn't know who's on TikTok. I wouldn't know how to successfully navigate TikTok or Instagram or YouTube, to be honest. I think if you want to talk about podcasting, then I got that one covered. I'm going to have to say number two.

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I have not seen this. And they go on a date at the Chicken Shop?

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Here's the thing. You've officially jumped the shark when you bring in the Muppets. You can go to Sesame Street. You can't bring Sesame Street to you. That jumps the shark instantaneously. But you know what? When you get that famous that Elmo wants to come on Chicken Shop Date, then how can you argue? We would know none of this because we have not been invited anywhere.

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Danke. Du hast unseren mittleren Alter in zehn Jahren reduziert, also danke dir dafür. Ich muss ehrlich sein, das könnte Teil der Grund sein, warum du hier sitzt. Es gibt nur so viele Male, wo ich das Wort Motley Crue in einem Episode sagen kann, bevor Leute sagen, dass sie damals seltsam gesprochen haben. Motley Crue, was bedeutet das überhaupt? Motley Crue, was ist das? Resonating with the Ute.

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Ich war so glücklich. Ich bin so glücklich, weil ich, wir haben eine, und ich werde diese Person nicht ausdrücken, indem ich ihren Namen sage, aber ich kenne ihren Namen. Wir haben eine Person, die uns auf Instagram gefolgt hat, die ich wahrnehme, ist nicht älter als wahrscheinlich 21 Jahre alt. Und ich könnte nicht mehr glücklich sein. Es ist wie Weihnachten kam früh.

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Weil ich liebe all meine Instagram-Follower. Aber einige von ihnen sind wie die alte Frau, die ich fast überrannt habe. Well, it's gotta be okay. Was willst du von mir tun? Ich wurde in einem anderen Jahr geboren. Es gibt keinen Knack daran.

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Aber einige der Sprachen, die von dieser brain-rotten Generation genutzt werden, einige dieser Sprachen, die genutzt werden, ich erinnere mich an so viele, du weißt, Dank, Dibbity und, du weißt, all diese Dinge, die wir sagen würden, wenn wir Kinder waren.

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Radical. It'll all make it back, by the way. Everything old becomes new again. And I've lived long enough to know that. The 70s had their moment, the 80s had their moment, now the 90s are having their moment. I'm seeing kids in flannel and big bell-bottom jeans and Doc Martens. Okay, go on, go on. I'm losing this terribly, but I'm okay with that almost.

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The brain rot has escaped me? I'm not sure about that.

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Oh, I should know this one. I think this is...

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Okay, is it Skibbity Toilet? Yes. Okay, there you go. I've seen Skibbity Toilet and I think Tallahassee Pooper might be a thing also because I think I might have seen that also. Okay. But maybe Skibbity Pooper. Skibbity Pooper, congratulations to you to being the bigger sign-along sensation.

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So now we'll make this a big celebration here on the show. Congratulations to my twin brother Kevin and his longtime girlfriend Carrie Ann. They are now engaged. Yes, equally as exciting. And Gustavo and L.A. now engaged. Love is in the air. I haven't talked to Kevin about talking about the engagement on air.

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Yeah, the bigger viral Pooper of the two.

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You really have to be strange to get into my head or onto my algorithm. It's a national treasure.

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Oh, I'll probably know this one.

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Oh, this has got to be Kylie. Highest paid, this has got to be Kylie.

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Jesus, guys. Follow us on Instagram, please. Get us out of this hell.

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That is really insane. Now, I know, because Astrid and I were talking about this, and this is a good segue, Ariana Grande has about 350 million followers, I think. Are there more questions? Yeah. Okay, go. And then we'll circle back to Ariana Grande.

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And Wicked, which I want to talk about.

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La Chang Kwan.

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Is that Christina? That's Christina. That's right. Okay. Next one. Which of these YouTube horror stories does Lauren Zeiside habitually make reaction videos of?

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I think it's the first one. Four Night at Franco's, I think, is a playoff Five Nights at Freddy's. Your reasoning is funny. I know, but I honestly, this is foreign to me, so I'm learning as we go along.

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Life of Luxury.

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Okay, where do they go? Luxury retail stores? I don't know. What's going on there? Are we aware of this one, Christina? Do we have any information? Okay. She doesn't have brain rot either. Which I'm glad to know. I wouldn't have to send her to HR either.

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How do you spell porridge?

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I'll share that they're engaged, but I'm not going to share the details because it's their private information. But Gustavo... You know what? Fuck you, buddy. You're part of the show. You're going to get it just like everybody else is. Gustavo has helped the show out in so many ways over the years. And obviously as my brother-in-law, he's kind of one of the first in on the action, right?

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Porach? Okay, I'm going to say it's the last one. Simply based on the last name, I'm going to go completely stereotypical. You are right. Okay, thank you. The rot has penetrated. The rot has gone into my brain. She is. I used reason and pragmatic thinking to deduct that. Danke.

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Oh, Pee Pee und Poo Poo. Ich habe diese Pets in meinem Haus. Pee Pee, Dodo und Poo Poo. Ja, ich habe diese Pets. Du hast sie. Jede drei Stunden habe ich diese Pets. Pee Pee, Poo Poo. Ja.

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Oh, well. Das ist das Schlimmste. Wie viel kostet es ihm, einen Endorsement zu machen? Vielleicht können wir ihn... Ich denke, wir müssen da blau drauflegen. Oh Gott. Weißt du, hier ist das Ding. So, über die Tiere in TikTok. Und ich weiß, du weißt, Animal Talk und Animalgram. Es ist ein riesiges Ding. Und es ist eine Industrie. Es ist eine Kottage-Industrie.

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Ich hatte einen Freund, der mir sagte, er machte etwa 100.000. A year selling calendars with photos of his pets on them because they had become famous on Instagram. So we were selling them for like 10 bucks a pop and he was selling about 10,000 of them a year, which is insane when you think about it. And so now I have another guy that I know on Instagram. He is trying to make his animal famous.

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So every five fucking seconds on Instagram. No, I get another invitation, you know, don't you want to like us on Instagram? And I'm like, okay. I barely want to follow you.

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The waste man. How do you spell waste? Same way you spell waste. There's two ways to spell waste. W-A-S-T-E? Yes. Okay. But because it's brain rot, I would assume it has to do with someone who's lost a lot of weight.

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Oh, was für ein Wastemann.

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Oh, da bist du. Ja, ich würde sagen, das ist völlig unnötig. Aber es war toll für den Content. Danke, Guardian.

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Na, weißt du was, ich bin froh, dass ich die Antwort zu einigen von denen nicht wusste, weil das einfach Scheiße klingt, das ich nicht... Maybe that's the kind of stuff that I need to do so my algorithm youngs it up a little bit and I stop getting one view Instagrams, but I really, really like it. I'm very excited about it.

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So he has done show notes, he's done video editing, he's done clips, he's done so many things for the show over the years. And he's just a lovely human being, as is my other brother-in-law, Danny. But you didn't get engaged, so I'm talking about Gustavo now. Gustavo! We did a whole episode about Gustavo one time actually, I think. We did. Gustavo and Ale come into town the day before Thanksgiving.

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Yes, when I get a lady that's, you know, talking about, I got this guy and he is in love. mit Ariana Grande. Er denkt, sie seien verheiratet. Er redet mit ihr in die Kamera. Und ich denke, ein, vielleicht zwei von seinen Sachen sind viral geworden, 4.000 oder 5.000 Likes, was wahrscheinlich nicht viel ist, aber es scheint mir viel zu sein, weil wir nicht mehr 4.000 oder 5.000 Follower haben.

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Aber er redet mit ihr in die Kamera, als ob er mit ihr verheiratet wäre. Wie, hey, Schatz, ich gehe in den Grocery Store. Oder er wird im Grocery Store sein. Und auf alle Fälle ist er nicht lachen. Das ist nicht so, wie viele Leute Vielen Dank.

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Okay. Ariana Grande. I saw Wicked over the weekend. Yes. And at my own peril, seeming a little bit more gay than I already do with all of my viewing habits. Christina probably has words about that. I talk gay, but I know the gays wouldn't accept me.

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That's right. But you know, the gay guys do take a liking to me. And I think that's probably because they think, if you could just like having sex with us, then you'd be one of us. Wenn wir einfach über die Fakten, über die Penisse kommen, können wir dich in der Gruppe inkludieren. Also, wir lassen dich mit uns hangen.

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Also, ich habe Wicked gesehen und obwohl ich Musiker altogether nicht mag und ich habe nie ein Musiker gesehen, außer für Phantom of the Opera und Disney Junior auf Eis. Hast du nie Chicago gesehen?

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I've never seen any of them. I'm not a huge musical person. I've seen operas. I've seen plays. I saw A Christmas Story, the musical. Sorry, but I don't think that counts as an actual musical. It's A Christmas Story, a musical. It's like more of a novelty act, right? You're just watching the movie in music form, essentially on stage.

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Und ich habe nie gesehen, und ich habe nie gesehen, ich habe nicht viele Musiker gesehen, außer The Wizard of Oz und, weißt du, West Side Story, die ich als Kind liebte. Ich dachte, das war ein cooles Film. Also, ich werde teilen, dass ich dachte, dass dieser Film eigentlich ziemlich fucking unglaublich war.

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Es ist anders.

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Ich wurde fasziniert.

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Ich wurde fasziniert von dem Film. Ich ging und habe einen tiefen Dive auf die Geschichte gemacht. Wie kam Wicked um? Was ist, weißt du? Ja. Wer sind die Spieler? Was ist passiert? Wie hast du dich entschieden? Weil ich war. Also Astrid hat nie den Wizard of Oz gesehen. Oh, wow. Ich weiß. Astrid hat nie viele Filme gesehen, wie Star Wars und Godfather und Goodfellas. Sie hat nie viel gesehen.

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Wir haben es nicht, weil sie noch sehr jung sind. Und The Wizard of Oz, während es kindlich ist, kann einige Situationen präsentieren, denke ich. Aber erstens, zweitens, die Gelegenheit ist nie aufgewachsen. Wir haben nie gesagt, hey, lasst uns sitzen und The Wizard of Oz sehen. Und sie spielen es oft am Weihnachtszeit, The Wizard of Oz, für jeden Fall. Es ist ein Weihnachtsfilm.

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Ich versuche es zu erklären. Hier sind wir im Filmtheater, in der Rückseite. Wir sind 20 Minuten zu früh da. Popcorn, die ganzen neun Yards. Hast du die Kinder mitgebracht? Wir haben die Kinder nicht mitgebracht. Wir wollten, dass es für die Kinder geeignet war, bevor wir sie zeigen. Wir wussten nicht, ob es schrecklich oder sexualisiert oder was auch immer sein würde. Und sie sind jung.

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The kids are all excited. Everyone's excited. I'm excited because I know when Gustavo and Ale come into town, I will be able to get five minutes alone. Ich bin wie der amerikanische Mann in der venezuelischen Familie. Ich kann mich einfach wegwerfen. Weißt du, was ich meine? Sie sprechen alle und ich werde mich wegwerfen. Sie werden nicht bemerken, wenn der weiße Mann weg ist.

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Wir wollten es nur beachten. Und es war eine Möglichkeit, uns an den Tag zu bringen. Ja, genau. Yes, it was probably also an opportunity for Gustavo to ask Ale to marry him, but we took up their time. So we get to the movie theater 20 minutes early and Astrid announces, I've never seen The Wizard of Oz. Do I need to know anything to see this movie? And I said, I don't know.

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I don't know the first thing about Wicked, except that it's a very successful Broadway musical. Mm-hmm. So I share with her a little bit about what's going on. I said, listen, there's this girl, Dorothy, and a house, a tornado, and then she goes off into Never Never Land and all this other stuff. Das ist genau wie ich es auch gesagt habe. Sie ist wahrscheinlich so, was zur Hölle redest du?

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Never Never Land. Und so habe ich gesagt, aber was Sie wahrscheinlich wissen müssen, ist, dass die Wicked Witch of the West und die Good Witch of the East zwei Charaktere in dem Film sind. Die Wicked Witch of the West stirbt in dem Film. Sie bedroht Dorothy und sie wird getötet von jemandem, der Wasser auf sie bringt. Sie ist wie ein Gremlins, ich glaube, sie kann nicht Wasser auf sie bringen.

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Ich weiß es nicht. So I say, you know, there it is. Well, the first scene of the movie, I think it is probably not important, but it is advantageous to understand what happens in The Wizard of Oz. Because the very first scene of the movie, which I won't ruin for anybody, it just kind of connects it all together. This musical, the music was great. Oh, and you know what I saw?

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I saw The Greatest Showman. I like The Greatest Showman.

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But anyway, this musical, the music was great. It bounced right along. Ariana Grande is lovely in the movie, as is, and I'm going to murder her name. How do you say that, Christina?

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Cynthia Erivo. Sie ist einfach... Das ist eine starre Rolle, in meiner Meinung, für sie. Sie ist so fucking fantastisch.

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In diesem Film. Sie ist so ein Powerhouse-Sänger. Und der Fakt... Hier ist wirklich, warum mich das gefällt, denke ich. Der Film war großartig. Und ich habe es genossen. Und ich dachte, die... It's interesting enough to make a movie about a movie about a dream to piece it all together and pop it right along. It dances at two and a half hours. It just goes right.

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So it's you don't really feel like you're uninterested. There's no extra parts to it. It doesn't feel like they're meaninglessly just dragging on for any reason. But here's why I think this really struck me. The sets are handmade. It's all practical effects. Most of it is practical effects.

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Even down to a one and a half minute shot of two million tulips that they actually grew out in a field in Europe. The set pieces are incredible. And the singing was done live in a way that dass sie es technisch wie ein Soundstudio machen könnten, sodass sie Studio-Qualitäts-Audio aus diesen Schauspielerinnen und Schauspielern bekommen haben.

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Ich meine, du weißt, wir brauchen ihn nicht. Aber sie helfen mit den Kindern. Sie sind so schön. Also gehen wir und machen drei Tage von lustigen Aktivitäten. Wir gehen auf den Weihnachtsabend-Dinnern auf dem Berg mit meinem Vater. We go out. We did that putt shack. We went to dinner. We went all these places. And three days here. And that ring is burning a hole in his pocket.

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Und sie haben es wieder und wieder gemacht, und dann haben sie es zusammengeblendet, mit dem richtigen Gesang, das auf der Bühne ging, sodass es wie ein richtiger Musikal war. Ich habe gehört, dass der Direktor gesagt hat, dass das, was er versucht hat, war.

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It was just fascinating to me that all these people came together and made this piece of work that really caught my attention in a way that I normally would not have been attentive to a movie like this. I would have said, I'm not interested in a musical. I think they do tend sometimes to be a little too campy for me. Yeah.

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Ich mag nicht all das Singen und Tanzen. Ich würde es viel lieber sehen, wenn es um Aktivität geht. Aber das verbindet es so wunderschön in einer Weise, die mächtig ist. Und es zeigt die Stimmen, aber auch die Aktivität. Und dann macht die Geschichte Sinn. Es kommt zusammen und es ist sehr interessant.

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Und ich würde sagen, dass ich es wahrscheinlich mit den Kindern gebracht hätte, wenn es nicht für die letzten 15 Minuten des Films gewesen wäre. Die letzten 15 Minuten des Films. Weil Astrid und ich reden über es auf dem Weg nach Hause. Wir sind so, oh Gott, eine unserer Töchter würde das einfach lieben. Aber die letzten 15 Minuten des Films, sie wäre unter dem Kühlschrank.

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Sie wäre so, ich mag nicht das. Aber es ist ein Zweipartner. And that I didn't know until I saw the movie, right? And I don't think I'm sure this is talked about a lot online right now, but it says to be continued. And in the beginning it says Wicked Part One. And then at the end it says to be continued.

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Oh, they did?

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Oh, sie sind es. Oh, okay, gut. Es wird nicht sieben Jahre dauern, bevor wir Lord of the Rings 8 sehen. Ich weiß. Ich weiß. Ich meine, ehrlich gesagt. Ich weiß. Ich bin gespannt, es zu sehen.

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Ich habe gehört, dass... Also, dann ging ich in diese Riesenhöhle, um herauszufinden, wie es auf der Bühne kam. So it's a very interesting story that Universal bought the rights as soon as the book came out. But they really didn't know what to do with it. And they really didn't know how they were going to make it into a movie. They just had the rights.

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And someone approached them and said, I think I can do this as a Broadway musical. And then Universal licensed the rights to make it a Broadway musical. So Universal has owned this the entire time. They also did the movie. And it wasn't until very recently that they say, okay, I think we have all of the people.

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There's enough people out there that love Wicked that we can make enough money, that we can put it together the way it should be done. Yes. It's the gladiator and the wicked.

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Was auch immer. Was auch immer. I know Russell Crowe was good and I agree with you. But here's the thing. I actually read that there is a shark in the movie. They fill the arena with water and there are sharks. Okay, they have officially gone fucking deep and no pun intended. I do not want to see a movie where the gladiators are fighting the sharks. Das ist, als wäre Sharknado ein Hit. Warum?

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Warum machen wir das? Und ich weiß, dass Sharknado's Punkt ist, dumm und dumm zu sein, aber Gladiators auch. Es ist, du weißt, es macht es ein bisschen realistisch. Und ich weiß, dass sie einige dieser Arenas manchmal mit Wasser füllen, damit sie auch Klatschen haben können. Aber dass sie Scharke da reinbringen, wirklich? Ehrlich? Komm schon.

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And I'm not sure if that's true, I haven't seen the movie, but that's what I read. And I'm like, when you add a shark, you've jumped the shark. That's it. But who's winning? Who's winning the war? Who made more money?

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Holy shit.

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And he didn't do it while he was here. I'm so pissed. Because that would have been incredible. Like that would have been the best. But you know what? Okay.

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It's been out for a week.

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Yeah, Ridley Scott.

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Who's also 98 years old. Yeah, this might be his last movie. I think he's talking about Gladiators 3.

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He did Aliens. Ridley Scott's done a lot of stuff. He's an action movie god, right? Ridley Scott is.

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And how people are born wicked. Yeah.

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Yes. I... Think for my money. This movie is so well done. And listen, I'm not the outlier on Gladiators. It's just not my thing. But you see it and you tell me how it is. I'll have to take it. If there really is a shark and it makes all the sense in the world, then let me know and I'll go watch it. And yeah, Pascal, okay, I get it. Astrid's the same way.

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So here's a weird thing. So Astrid says to me, Astrid says, like at some point during the weekend, she says, I go, what are we doing tomorrow? We're doing nothing. We'll work on the studio. We'll get it all cleaned up. But Gustavo wants to go to this park here down the street from the house. He wants to go to the park for like 15 minutes.

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She's like, could give a shit about Gladiators, but I... Engage to Pete Davidson. Das war Pete Davidson. Ich weiß, Esther und ich sagten, was für ein Dumb-Dumb. Weil, wenn ich Ariana Grande bin, mache ich Wicked und Wicked 2, Part 2. Und dann bin ich Auski Patowski. Ich werde einfach mit meinen 150 Millionen Dollar in die Sonne fliegen und bis später. It's got a voice. She does.

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She is so good in this movie. I was really impressed. I was like, oh. Because I thought this could just be like a campy piece of shit. And it is campy. In every way is it campy. And, you know, they're saying it's like, you know, I read somewhere, it was like, it's the new gay North Star or whatever it is. But, you know, I'm a straight guy.

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And by the way, there was two gay guys that were sitting in front of me. I know they're gay. They were holding hands the entire movie. They were just like laughing it up and having so much fun. And every time that they would laugh, I would laugh because I thought it was all cute and funny.

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And like the way that the jokes were made, it was intentionally funny, intentionally dramatic, intentionally powerful. The story is great. It is essentially a story about is like are people born wicked? Oh, that was the scary part? Yeah, it's pretty intense.

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I mean, those monkeys, it's like when, I'm not going to give it away, but when the flying monkeys arrive, and it's only the last 15 minutes of the movie, how the flying monkeys came to be and how they arrived. Like, I can deal with the monkeys as guards. Like, that's okay, all right.

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But then when they turn into flying monkeys and how they turn into flying monkeys, and then when they're flying monkeys, it's like, it's pretty, like, in detail scary, you know? Okay. I was scared, and I know monkeys don't fly. So there you go. I think monkeys don't fly. So well done to the wicked crew. I gotta say, now I can understand what all the hype's about.

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And then going down the rabbit hole, also learning that in Dina Menzel, is it?

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Oh yeah, Adele Dazeem. I know that. Adele Dazeem. Adele Dazeem. Adele Dazeem. Idina Menzel, you know, who did the voice of Elsa in Frozen, sang those songs that I cannot get out of my fucking life. But okay, she's so good doing those songs. She kind of made her career. Als die Wicked Witch in Wicked. Und das ist eine Geschichte darüber, wie das Musikal geworden ist.

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They wrote their name in a tree and he wants to go look at it. And I'm like, okay, that's incredibly cheesy and possibly romantic, which I don't understand. So I'm like, okay, all right. So Gustavo just told me when we were saying congratulations to him about the engagement, him and Ale.

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Und über Kristen Chenoweth und Idina Menzel. Und diese beiden als die zwei Witchen und wie es zusammengekommen ist und wie sie... Das sind 7 Videos in und von sich. Es ist wirklich faszinierend. Ich habe gerade ein Video darüber gesehen. Ein Broadway-Historiker machte das. Und Leute, ich mache jetzt Broadway-Historiker-YouTube. Das bin ich nicht. Ich war gestern Abend im Schlafzimmer.

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Und Astrid fragte mich, ob ich ein Dokumentarfilm über das Wicked-Broadway-Musical sehe. Und ich sagte, ich bin fasziniert. Es ist eine faszinierende Geschichte.

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So, I don't know that I'll be running to the next musical, but I tell you what, I was pleasantly surprised. You saw it, Christina, didn't you?

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Oh, are you? Have you seen it on the... Yes.

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Du hast es in London gesehen? Mit Idina Menzel? Nein, mit einem anderen Cast. Das ist die Touristenfirma, oder? Ja, ich habe es 2014 gesehen.

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Yeah, well, now I made the mistake of letting the girls listen to Defying Gravity and now it's not, you know, I'm not even going to get started with that song Popular because I know that I'll never get that out of my house.

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Oh, you did? Yeah, I did. Okay, I get it. I get it.

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I totally get it. Well, you know, that's... I can't wait to see it. Yeah, well, you'll have to go see Gladiators on behalf of the commercial break and let me know. It should be the opposite way, but you know what? Here at the commercial break, no stone left unturned. No surprise too big or small for our audience. And I'd love to hear if anybody... Was there any other movies out? I don't even know.

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Moana 2. Also made $280 million. It's another one that made a ton of money internationally also. That we will go see with the kids for sure. Because Moana 2. I mean, Moana is such a great movie. All the... Not all of them.

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Most of the Disney movies that, besides the flops that have come out in the last 10 years, the Pixar movies and the Disney movies, I do have to say, they are good for adults and they are good for children too. They do a good job. If I have to watch, you know, the people want to knock on Disney and I understand why. I also don't, I see the faults in Disney also.

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He says to me, well, I wanted to go do it at the park because I thought that would be romantic, but Ale thought it was too cold, so she said, no, I won't go.

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But I do have to say, some of those movies are fantastic. Luca and Canto.

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All the Toy Story movies, Moana. Coco. Coco was fantastic. We went through a Coco phase here. We watched it every day and night. It's all, you know, they do a great job at storytelling. That's what they do and that's what we've been doing for a long time and they do a great job in it. So, okay, well, you know, when are you going to go see Gladiators? Will Jeff go with you?

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Will, yes, will you go to Pound Town with Jeff after watching Pedro Pascal in a loincloth?

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Hey, Jeff, see, I do you favors here at the commercial break. I never get thank you notes, but I just want a little thank you note afterwards. You'll be like, thanks, Brian, you got me laid. I want to be like, hey, all right. I want to know that, you know, I'm important to you and your loved ones.

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Yeah. Yes. It was kind of funny, actually. I was like, what? Oh, okay. All right. Well, good for you guys. Congratulations on that.

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Dominoes. Dominoes.

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How do you get naked dominoes? Strip dominoes. Yeah, I guess you just start taking off your clothes when you put down a domino. I don't know. How do you do that?

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Oh, I went through a big domino phase. Yeah. late at night, and she worked a day job. So I worked at the restaurant. She would come up, he would invite her, she would say, go up to the restaurant, see Brian, he's at the bar, he'll give you drinks, and then he would call me and be like, hey man, I gotta work till like 3, 4, 5 in the morning, so you think you could hang out with my wife?

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I know, you go by yourself. Ich habe mich erinnert an die Zeit, als Astrid und ich uns engagiert haben, über die wir viel geredet haben, weil es viel Engagement in der Luft gab. Mein Bruder Wendt wurde engagiert. Es gab viel Agita darüber, wie und wann und wo es passieren würde. Und ich sagte, Kevin, am Ende des Tages ist alles andere nur Geräusch.

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And I'd be like, you're inviting me to fuck your wife? We're cuckolding now? We're cuckolding now? I know that's not what he said, but he absolutely did not give a shit. And then we all found out he was working at the gay bar at the strip club, and we were like, Oh, I got it. Makes sense now. I got it. But you know what? Hey, listen, whatever. To each their own. Yeah, okay, I gotta go now.

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The kids are gonna destroy the house.

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Ja, das war es. Das sind Gladiator, die rauf und runter in meinen Hallen gehen. Diese Gladiator werden jeden Moment die Tür aufbrechen, weil jetzt haben wir Disney World hier. Wir haben Kühlschritte und Schuhe und große TV und wir haben es immer gehabt, aber es ist so ein viel mehr lustiger Setup. Ich mag das.

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Ich fühle mich besser. Es tut es.

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Yeah, it just makes noise when you do. This is a piccadillo. I keep on knocking my foot and I hear it in the microphone. But we're learning. We're learning. Everybody's learning. We're all learning together. You, me, the audience. We're all learning together, so I feel like I sing with it. Another big congratulations to both my twin brother Kevin and his fiance, Carrie Ann. Welcome to the family.

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Can't wait to party. I've got four or five options for the bachelor party. All of them include getting the fuck out of town and away from my children for a couple of days. Not that I don't love my children, but this is my opportunity. It's not going to come around very often, so I better take it. Und dann Gustavo, ich habe drei Tage in Mallorca gesenkt.

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Ich bin sicher, ich werde nicht der beste Mann sein. Aber sein Bruder wird es sein. Und er lebt in Spanien. Also ich schätze, eine Spanien-Trip kommt. Wow.

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Brian ist ein Idiot. But you know what? It doesn't matter where you do it. It doesn't matter when you do it. It doesn't matter how you do it. You did it and that's all that matters. She said yes and that's all that matters at the end of the day. Onward and upward with your lovely life. Congratulations to both of you. I look forward to watching your successful journey growing a family. I know.

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Sweet. Alright, well, while we're all sentimental, go to tcppodcast.com. Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today.

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But I'll tell you that I love you. And I love you. I'll say best to you. Best to you. Best to you, Christina, and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, we all say, we must say, and we do say, goodbye.

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Was am wichtigsten ist, ist der Moment zwischen dir und Caroline. Und das ist alles, was er erinnert wird. Zumindest das, was ich ihm gesagt habe. Ich weiß nicht, ob das 100% wahr ist, aber ich sagte, der Moment, an dem ihr das macht, dieser Moment, den du verbunden hast, du, du, du, du, And so... For now. Well, I'm divorced, so for now. We're good for now. It's just harder to break up now.

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It's legal. And so it reminded me of when I got engaged to Astrid. That ring was burning a hole in my pocket. And I wanted to also go do it at a beautiful place in Paris. And we got to the... We got to the hotel room. And I just couldn't wait any longer. And so she got out of the shower and I asked her to marry me.

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Not exactly the most romantic thing in the world, but you know, it is what it is. That's maybe why I told Kevin, don't worry about it, because I want to make myself feel better about my own proposal. But so congratulations. By the way, did a great deal of helping this weekend when it came to the studio. And so they were both lovely. 79 wires connecting back and forth in and out and all this.

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This is certainly the most complicated version of this setup, as I've mentioned it. Mit gutem Grund, weil jetzt haben wir mehr Kameras und mehr Equipment und eine andere Person und all diese anderen Sachen. Ich kann nicht glauben, dass es eigentlich funktioniert, ganz ehrlich.

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Ich bin beeindruckt. Ja, Christina ist mit uns in der Studio von jetzt an, also ihr könnt von ihr hören. Ich bin sicher, dass ihr von ihr hören werdet. Sie hat den Mute-Button. Ich habe Astrid gesagt, hör mal, Christina wird nicht den Mute-Button für mich haben. Ich muss einen Weg finden, einen Mute-Button zu bekommen, weil das mutuell sicher ist.

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Press the green button. The green button. There you go.

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Okay, so see, you learned your lesson. No more. So the studio looks great. Gustavo and Ale all weekend here helping us. We were leaving my dad's house. It's like 8 o'clock at night and we're leaving my dad's house and we're going to come back to Atlanta, which is like a two and a half hour drive.

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He is trying to make his animal famous. So every five fucking seconds on Instagram. I get another invitation. Don't you want to like us on Instagram? And I'm like, fuck yourself. I barely want to follow you. Is that an AI bot? Don't kill me, bro. Don't chase me, bro.

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And so my dad lives in this really hilly, very large neighborhood around this lake up in South Carolina. And... Diese Straßen, diese Nachbarschaftsstraßen, sind nicht sehr groß. Sie befinden sich kaum in zwei Autos. Es ist wie eine der Nachbarschaften. Es ist wie viele Nachbarschaften, aber sie haben keine Kurve auf den Nachbarschaften. Es gibt Berge, es ist in den Hüllen.

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Und du musst vorsichtig sein, wenn du fährst. Also fahre ich aus meinem Vaters Haus. Ich fahre durch diese kleine kleine Straße. And as I come cresting over this mountain, all of a sudden, there's a lady, she's probably in her 70s, and it's dark, there's no street lights, she's in the middle of the road, she's walking from my right to left, and she's got a flashlight in her hand.

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And as I come cresting up the mountain, the lady stops dead in her tracks and starts flashing the flashlight with her hands up in the air like this, with this look on her face like, ah! Why was she walking in the middle of the road? Chrissy, I don't know. You know, there's a lot of older folks up there and there's not a lot of rhyme or reason sometimes. And listen, I'm getting older, so I know.

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Sometimes there's not a lot of rhyme or reason to what you do.

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It seems like you should be in bed at 8 o'clock at night at 78 years old living in your retirement village or whatever it is. And it's not all retirees up there, but it's a lot of retirees up there. Yeah, I don't get it. Why was she walking in the street? And why was she crossing the road? There was no dog involved or anything. Why was she walking up and down the street crossing the road?

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Maybe she was doing it for her health. But it was cold up there. Man, was it cold on Thanksgiving.

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Yeah, it's kind of a roll of the dice here in Atlanta, whether you get a cold Thanksgiving. Because I told Astrid sagt, ist Winter hier? Also es ist offiziell, es ist Winter hier? Und ich sage, nein, das ist nur Fake Winter. Es wird 92 Grad an Weihnachtsdagen sein, ich kann es garantieren. Wenn es kalt ist an Thanksgiving.

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Es ist verrückt, ist es nicht?

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Yeah, so we go on, so we start this drive out, you know, and this weird lady jumping out and then we get on the road and there's not a ton of traffic, but there is some traffic. It's Thanksgiving night, so I think a lot of people are traveling home or to or fro or whatever they're doing. Und wir fahren mit 85 kmh nach Süd-Atlanta.

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Das ist einer dieser riesigen Straßen, zwölf Läden, sechs auf jeder Seite, zwölf Läden. Und eine HOV-Lane. Und die HOV-Lane hier in Atlanta, zumindest wo wir waren, du musst einen dieser Passen haben, um aufzukommen. Und es gibt doppelte, rechte Läden. Du kannst nur, wenn sie geschliffen sind. Und sie haben Kameras überall. Also kriegst du ein Ticket, wenn du das tust. So, we're driving.

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The speed limit up there is 70. I'm probably going 80, around 80 miles per hour. I also have a car full of people and children, so I know, you know, I'm not driving like a total idiot. But I'm in the HOV lane just going.

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And all of a sudden, out of nowhere, one of these little Nissan fucking shitmobiles, you know, these ones that they soup up and they're loud and they're obnoxious and there's likely a 17-year-old behind the wheel.

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Yeah, and they have... neon lights under them and they look like space mobiles, comes out of nowhere and is directly up on my ass. But I'm not going any faster. I'm going 80, 82 miles per hour. It's fine. I'm good. And there's double straight lines. So you're just gonna have to... When you get in the HOV lane, if you get behind someone slow, that's just the way that it is.

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Get out of the lane if you don't like it, right? Move around them when you get to the dotted lines. That's the way you do it. But this... Ja, genau. He's a fucking foot for my bumper. So then he zooms out of the lane on my right and he comes and he goes right over into the lane so that I have to stop. And when I say stop, I mean slam on the brakes.

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Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the LA to my Gustavo, Chris and Joy. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian. Best to you, Gustavo and LA, who are just engaged.

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Yeah, he went back in front of me, but when he started coming back into the lane, he wasn't even halfway around me. Chrissy. So Gustavo and I are sitting in front and I'm like, whoa, like crazy. Driving, driving, driving, driving, driving. We get to some slow cars in the HOV lane. I go around the slow cars on the dotted lines. I come back into the HOV lane.

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I speed up to 80 and then all of a sudden out of nowhere, same car does it again. Right in front of me, not even halfway, not even halfway around me. Slam on the brakes. What's the Das ist ein Problem. There is a pack of cars that I had noticed when I had gotten on the highway.

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There was a pack of these cars, these whatever the fuck little shit mobiles going 150 miles per hour down the highway, zooming in and out of traffic. Racing essentially is what they're doing. And I'm assuming this car was part of that racing. And I don't mean to sound like an old man. You know, go fast, you want to go fast. I have a heavy foot too.

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But racing on the highway is a really dumb fucking thing to do because there's lots of people and not all of them drive well. And going in and out of those cars, one mistake and everybody's dead. Ja, genau. So now this car gets stuck behind another pack of cars in the HOV lane going slower. So now I'm a couple lanes over. I've weaved in and out of traffic to just get away from this person.

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And I drive by and it's a young girl. And she could not, in my view, could not have been 20 years old. She looked very young. And I thought to myself, holy fucking shit. It's not that she was a girl. It wasn't that she was a girl. It surprised me. It surprised me that this girl was driving like this.

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Usually you think of aggressive, testosterone-driven, I'm angry because you were going not as fast as I wanted you to. I got rage. I decided to go in and out. So this is just like... It's brain rot, is what it is, like you referred to earlier. It is simply brain fucking rot, which is what, Chrissy?

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Ich denke, ich habe das dieses Jahr oft gehört. Warum ist das die Worte, warum ist das die Phrase des Jahres?

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We have reached the pinnacle of success, Chrissy. There is no... Greater hill to climb than having one of the, I'd say one of the main characters. Oh, yeah. From one of the best television shows that has ever been, ever, and ever will be. I think we can all agree that The Office is hilarious in so many ways. Brilliant for almost ten seasons. I think it was ten seasons. I think it was ten seasons.

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I read a book one time, and it was mentioning Aaron Sorkin in The West Wing, of course, the breakout drama about the West Wing, the White House. And one of the interesting choices that they made from the beginning, and I'm sure this is a choice that was made by Greg or whoever at the time also, was that even if you're not in the scene, I want you on the set.

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So you'll look at where the, you know... Leo McGarry and the president are talking and in the background is, you know, Bradley Whitford or whoever and they're shuffling paper or they're reading or they're having a conversation with someone else. It adds depth and layer and color and clarity to the whole situation. It's not, doesn't feel like everybody just runs out of the room.

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It feels like an actual working office when you watch the office.

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Do you, I mean, I'm interested to know. How much of this is actually improv? Do you have bullet points? You're heading in a direction. I can improv inside of these parameters. How much of that was improv and how much of that ended up being scripted? Most of it is scripted. I'd say maybe...

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Yeah, you've got to hit a note. You've got to hit the notes so that you don't mess up the rest of the band.

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Yeah, because what is the trajectory? You're at Second City, obviously the one of the most famous, if not the most famous improv comedy theater in the world. Right. With so many. And I know there's a couple of them. But for me as a Chicago boy, Second City is like, you know, the gold standard. And that's where a lot of the SNL characters came from. So you're in Second City.

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So obviously you're good at this. Like you have a talent for this. If you're sitting with other people at Second City, then you're doing OK. Right.

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Absolutely.

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Nine and some bonus episodes. Okay. So anyway, so there you go. Kate Flannery, who plays Meredith on The Office, is going to be with us in just a few minutes. And I'm really excited about this because this is one of my favorite television shows of all time. And I don't know too many people whose it isn't. So many people I know. Literally watch The Office on rerun all the time.

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Kate, you don't know me, but let me tell you, if I was if Lauren Michaels, you know, had even said my name out loud, I would consider that the end of the road for me. I'd be like, that's good. I'm dying. I can die happy. Like just being in consideration for such an iconic show.

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So Saturday Night Live, let's call it Consideration, For Your Consideration. We just had a whole episode about this. For Your Consideration. Great movie. Great movie. Right? The best. So For Your Consideration. And then a short, oh my God, like all of them. It's great ensembles. You talk about great ensembles, all the Christopher Guest movies. The Office is another one you think of.

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When you, 13 short years later, as you put it, what does your agent just call you? And she says, I think we got this role. I think it's good for you. I want you to go and audition. Or does Greg, how did you, how did they pick you?

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You know how I have my favorite shows that I watch at night? The Office isn't in rotation, but I do watch Office episodes pretty often. If I see them on live TV, I was watching one the other day. I think it was a parkour episode with one of my kids. And he's like, what's parkour? And I was like, well, let me show you what parkour is.

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You were on the Bernie Mac show. Did you have a chance to meet and sit with Bernie Mac to talk to him?

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You know, I have an interesting story. So the other day I was watching Reels and a reel came up about Bernie Mac cutting a promo for the Bernie Mac show, which, by the way, I think is one of the more underrated comedies of our generation.

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It's so funny. And it's poignant. It's poignant. He's a good dad and he teaches anyway. So, one of the directors of this promo is trying to get this little girl or, excuse me, this little guy to sit on his lap or this little girl to sit on his lap. And Bernie keeps telling the director, not going to do that. It's not appropriate. I'm not going to do that.

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And the director keeps pushing him until finally Bernie says, not doing the promo. I'm not having this person sit on my lap. But it was just like Bernie had like a moral compass and it didn't matter about Hollywood. It just it just goes to like I'm not making a larger point about kids and who's sitting on laps and all that.

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What I'm making the point is, is that Bernie was a like he had a mommy about him, like this life force about him that really comes through on the screen. Did you get the sense?

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1687.344

Great loss. Unbelievable. What a great loss.

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1692.25

Did you get this sense after the first season of The Office? I might be mistaken about this, but I think I remember, because I'm like everybody else in the world, have watched Office a million times and behind the scenes and all that other stuff. Am I right that it wasn't a breakout hit after the first season? It wasn't there were you guys were almost you were on the chopping block.

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They didn't know if there was going to be a second season. And NBC granted you that second season. And that's really when you started to hit your stride. But did you guys get the sense in the room that that something magical was happening?

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1731.305

Oh, interesting.

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175.572

And then we went to a park this weekend, and I showed him more parkour. Because, you know, parkour. I'm a parkour master, Christy. I don't know if you know that.

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182.616

With my bad hip and my bad back and my bad heart, I just run around doing parkour all the time. So many quotable lines, and Meredith owns a few of those throughout the season. So anyway, we'll talk to her all about that. Celebrating their 20th season, The Office is available on Peacock for rewatch. Yeah, it's 20th year. Wow.

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1845.428

I agree with you on this, and I have had arguments about this with friends of mine and other people. I... I'm not the biggest fan of the Office UK. I'm not. And I think it's funny in its own way. And I love British comedies. I mean, you can ask Chrissy. I know them all and I watch them all and I'm tuned into that universe. But something about that Office UK.

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Because I watched The Office US first, there is something tender and gentle and empathetic about most of the characters in The Office that is lacking in some of the characters that just gives it this depth. It's like, I don't know. It's like soup after... I think that's why you...

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1913.101

Really easy to get behind, you know, Michael Scarn as he's... Michael Scott, yes, yes. Totally. What is... And I know that... So now you're... When are you world famous? When do you get out of your house and realize, holy shit... I can... I am... I did it. I made it. Here I am. People are recognizing you. They're repeating the lines. They're probably saying, you know, I don't know.

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1938.42

They're... I can only imagine all the lines.

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1993.587

Well, it's got to be such a huge change. You're waiting tables through season one, right? Probably the character is growing, but still limited in season two and three. And then all of a sudden, this ensemble, like this kind of core group of characters starts to come in to play. And now people are becoming familiar with them. So now everyone knows you as Meredith, and they're familiar with you. And

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We were talking about this with someone else just last week. You grow an affinity and a relationship with these characters on the screen. And it's interesting how, in our minds, it's like we do have a friendship with these people that we're watching. Did you ever feel uncomfortable with the amount of attention that the office was being paid or everybody kind of knowing who you were?

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204.173

And lest you think that Kate only did The Office, she has done many other things in her career. We'll talk to her about some of that. But one of the things I think you got excited about was the Jane Lynch interview. Christmas variety show that they do. They go out and sing and they do it with a big band and coming to a town near you during Christmas season.

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2044.082

I mean, it's...

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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2175.305

Thank you.

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Thank you.

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So we're, we're only, you know, nine short months away from that, but it'll be here soon enough. It'll be here soon enough. All right. So I have a little, let's do a little game before that game, but let's talk about it a little bit before we have Kate in here. What is your favorite line from the, what is your most quotable line from the office?

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2289.411

Thank you.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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Thank you. Thank you.

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TCB Infomercial: Kate Flannery

258.616

My favorite office quote of all time has got to be, Jan all over, tan all over. Do you remember that? When they went to Mexico and he had pictures, like nude photographs, topless photograph of her, and it was floating around the office. And he goes, Jan all over, tan all over. What a great character. All right, I got a few more for you. Um...

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2825.2

It's really good. I watched three episodes and I really liked it. I thought, oh, this is a good this could be another. I mean, King of the Hill is one of my favorite. Also another Greg Daniels show. It's coming back. And so we'll see what we'll see what happens with that. But Universal Basic Guys is not the King of the Hill, but it's just something about the writing on that show. It's so good.

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285.055

I want you to tell me which character said this following line. Okay? Okay. Sometimes the clothes at Gap Kids are just too flashy, so I'm forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls. Who is that? You want me to give you a choice? Yes. Is it Dwight? Is it Pam? Is it Angela?

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It's really well written.

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I think it's great. I love Jane. Jane is also iconic. She's the greatest. Yeah, she really is.

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I love that show. Okay, so one more question. How are you feeling? There's been a lot of talk about Office Reboot. I think it's happening. I think there's been, you know, I've read in the trade rags that it's happening. Has there been any conversation about old characters? Not that I know of. Not that you know of?

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Oh, it's a spinoff. I'm sorry. It's a spinoff.

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So it's a spinoff of The Office. Do you think there'll be any inner twinglings between the two offices, like for any reason?

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It seemed like you guys were having fun. Am I not mistaken that was on the Super Bowl? one of those commercials played on the Super Bowl?

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I would happily pay the $19.99 a month double if they would make new offices of the actual office with all of the characters back. I mean, I know everyone.

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Kate, you're the best. Text me. I'll have my people call your people and we'll talk to Greg and see if we can't get another 10 episode run on Netflix or something like that. You are.

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Yeah, go ahead.

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3109.173

Is a reboot that I thought, oh, my God, how are they going to reboot Night Court? Because, you know, how do you do that? But honestly, it's a good show.

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It's a good show. They made it work.

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Angela.

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3120.861

They made it work. And I think it's well acted. And it's really funny. And John, of course, is a legend.

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3127.845

And I and I all they're missing is Harry and God bless Harry. I wish, you know, but the they're doing a great job with the new characters over there. Kate Flannery is, of course, Meredith in a little show called The Office, which, you know, every couple of years she gets another 200 million dollar check for it to move from streamer to streamer. How much do they give you?

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I know.

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3153.734

That is a freaking Dundee she is holding up. YouTube.com slash the commercial. Yes.

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TCB Infomercial: Kate Flannery

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Go ahead. No, I was going to say, you know, there's some guy or girl out there that would pay $1,700,000 for that, for that Dundee. I know. Um,

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319.199

No, it's Angela. She was like the prude in the group. She was always a very tightwad, so to speak. I consider myself a good person, but I'm going to try and make him cry. Who said that? Was that Oscar, Michael, or Dwight?

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I love that Funko Pop. I want one of those. Crazy.

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I will put the links to all of this information and make sure that our listeners hear it. And if they want to go to the Meadowlands or they want to see your shows, Jane Lynch, The Office, all of that stuff. I feel very grateful, just like a note of seriousness. I feel very grateful to have spoken with you because you were part of an ensemble that played.

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3266.46

Yeah, a period in our lives. You know. Growing up. Yeah. And you were our friends on the other side of the screen. And I know you got me through a few hard days. And still to this day, you're good for a laugh. And, you know, parkour. That's all I got to say. Parkour, Kate.

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TCB Infomercial: Kate Flannery

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Best to you. You're welcome back anytime. Thank you, Kate. We'll talk to you soon. We appreciate you guys.

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TCB Infomercial: Kate Flannery

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Bye-bye.

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TCB Infomercial: Kate Flannery

3326.025

I was so happy to talk to Kate. It's like what a pleasure. I know. You know, when I was thinking about this this morning in my shower, my 15 hour shower, when I was thinking about having Kate here, I thought, could I have imagined 15 or 20 years ago when I first started watching The Office? And I watched it from the beginning.

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And that doesn't make me special or anything. I'm not like that guy who says, you know, oh, I saw it before they were cool. I just watched it from the beginning, and it was my kind of comedy, and I really enjoyed what they were doing. Didn't understand, like, the first episode a little confused as to how it was all going down, but I loved what they were attempting.

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3362.316

I loved where they were going with it. And, I mean, I could never have imagined sitting here talking to Meredith from The Office when I was watching The Office. So this is one of those childhood dreams come true, Chrissy. They really do. All you have to do...

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337.24

No, that was Oscar said that. If I don't have cake soon, I might die. Is that Stanley, Dwight, or Jim?

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Yes. Well, a lot of people had those kind of jobs, like cubicle type jobs where you would sit in an office with other people and actually communicate.

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Clock in, clock out.

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TCB Infomercial: Kate Flannery

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Now an AI chatbot is doing all the sales for you. There would be no Pam or Jim. They would just be AI assistants at this point. So, yeah, a lot of things have changed and they will continue to change. But I believe that The Office will far outlive any kind of office culture. Absolutely.

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Yes. All right. Well, thanks to Kate. The Office, available on Peacock, all episodes. Go rewatch it. I know you've watched it, so rewatch it.

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3442.367

Rewatch it. Put a little jingle jangle in Kate's pocket. She's got to get some kind of residuals or something from that. I have to imagine. I wasn't so rude as to ask her, but in my mind, she's getting residual payments. Every time I press play, she's getting a penny in her pocket. So I'll keep pressing play. Because I like those people. They're my flavor of hot sauce, Chrissy, as I would say.

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3468.719

All of them. Breakout stars. And what a great idea at the New Jersey Meadowlands, that's a big venue, to do an office reunion. I don't imagine that Steve Carell will show up, but you know. Maybe. You never know. Maybe Will Ferrell stops by. Who knows? But Kate's going to be there along with some of the other characters and people that she mentioned.

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347.71

Of course it's Stanley. I'm faster than 80% of all snakes. Is that Dwight? Dwight. Okay. I didn't even go any further on that. I'm not superstitious, but I'm a little stitious. Who said that? Dwight, Pam, or Michael? Michael. Of course he did. Yes. Let's see here. I talk a lot, so I've learned just to tune myself out. Is that Pam, Dwight, or Kelly Kapoor?

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So if you're in the New Jersey area or you're that kind of office fan, you can fly up and check it out. August 1st. I'll put links in the show notes. All the details are available down below, as always, with our guests. And we'll keep reminding you this week to go check it out. And the Jane Lynch Christmas...

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Yeah, the dates.

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We will make a note that we will certainly forget to remind you during Christmas season to go check out Kate and Jane Ledger. Who knows? Maybe she'll come back. Because I just scratched the surface. I could ask a million more questions. I could go really deep on The Office. But also, I don't want to irritate the shit out of her. You know what I'm saying?

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Like, there might be a point where an actor or an actress who's done a character like that goes, okay, I really don't want to rehash every single thing that ever happened. But then you got The Office ladies who rehash every single thing that ever happened. So I don't know. Maybe we'll start an office podcast with Kate. Hey, maybe that one will make money. You never know. TCB podcast.com.

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That's where you go. You find out more information about Chrissy and I, all the audio, all the video, all the show notes, links to every single guests, every single thing. It's all there. You can go on the website and see it there at the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on Tik TOK and youtube.com slash the commercial break for all the episodes on video.

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Thank you.

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Of course. Yes. All right. Let's go.

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What's that? Mindy Kaling. That's right. Let's go a little deeper. I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them. Jim? Is that Jim? Is that Michael? Or is that Andy?

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397.522

Yeah, it's Andy. Andy. Andy was a great character on that show. And even though he was only in the later seasons of The Office, he was a great character in that show. I did like Andy's character. One day, Michael came in and complained about a speed bump on the highway. I just wonder who he ran over. Jim. Okay. All right. Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where I'm going.

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I just hope I find it along the way. It's like an improv conversation. Michael, Jim, or Dwight?

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Michael, that's right. Identity theft is no joke, Jim. Millions of families suffer every year. Dwight, Michael, or Pam? It's got to be Dwight. It's Dwight. Okay, let's see here. Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me. Michael, Scott, Dwight, or which one?

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457.512

That's right. When you're a kid, you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are going to be right about that. Oh, that's a sweet line from Pam. I'm just going to say that. You guys, like, I'm really smart now. You don't even know. You could ask me, Kelly, what's the biggest company in the world? And I'd be like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

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Giving you the exact right answer every time. Kelly Kapoor. Let's see if I can find another deep cut here. These are all great lines, and I can almost remember the episodes.

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I'm fast. To give you a reference point, I'm somewhere between a snake, a mongoose, and a panther. Somewhere between.

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497.261

Of course. Yeah, yeah. The Dunder Mifflin stock symbol is DMI. Do you know what that stands for? Dummies, morons, and idiots. Because that's what you'd have to be to own it. And as one of those idiots, I believe the board owes me answers. Oscar. That's great. Oscar. Oh, here's one from a lesser-known character. Oh, I don't think it's blackmail.

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523.083

Angela just does what I ask her to do, so I won't tell everyone that she's cheating on Andy with Dwight. I think for me, for it to be blackmail, I would have to put it in a formal letter.

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TCB Infomercial: Kate Flannery

534.114

that's phyllis phyllis phyllis yes okay here's a little interesting like tie-in i believe that phyllis and oh now i can't remember his name the bigger guy in the office like kind of the bald-headed one um do you know who i'm talking about what was his name in the in the office i can't remember uh now i can't why can't i remember uh Office characters. Let's see here.

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No, but it's not Stanley characters. I'm going to find this out because I don't want to get it wrong. Kevin.

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Yeah, Kevin. Okay, so Phyllis and Kevin went to a local high school here in Atlanta. That's right. And they went to school with a couple of people that I know. And by all accounts, were very lovely people. And so just thought I'd share that.

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592.386

I believe that's I believe it was Phyllis and Kevin that was here. I know Kevin for sure. And I believe Phyllis also. I think they went to the same high school, if I'm not mistaken. I might be. But that was the story that rolled around the bars for a long time. And I knew a couple of people who knew a specific more specifically talked about Kevin being a real.

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609.051

I say, Kevin, his name is Brian, actually. Kevin and Brian, that's that's me and my brother's names. Yes. We talked about him specifically being a very nice guy. So there you go. If you wanted to know in real life. Let's find out if Kate is a really nice person, too. Why don't we do this? I bet she is. I bet she is. We've had a good streak.

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627.941

I'd say of the 110 guests we've had, 108 of them have been pretty good. And one of them wasn't their fault. It would have been a dick to us, too. All right, let's do this. Let's take a break. And when we get back through the magic of telepodcasting, we'll have Kate Flannery, Meredith from The Office, celebrating 20 years of The Office. Yeah, let's do that. What do you think?

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I think we should do it. Okay, we'll be back.

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Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large.

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And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules.

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They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything. You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Serea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. Kate is here with us now. Kate, so grateful for your time today. Thank you for joining us. Welcome, Kate.

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What can we say that probably hasn't already been said a million billion times? I have like one question that is when we when I knew you were coming on, it just was burning through my mind. You, how do you feel about The Office, given some space between the last episode that you, you know, the closing of The Office version one?

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Now, what is your relationship with The Office, the thing, the show, the entity, part of your life? How do you feel about it?

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TCB Infomercial: Kate Flannery

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us. It's TCB Infomercial Tuesday with Kate Flannery from The Office is joining us.

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I am so happy to hear that.

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Yeah. You've grown to love it. You've grown to find that this is just something you're really attached. It's such an iconic role that you have playing Meredith. In my opinion, one of the best characters on The Office is Meredith, perfectly played by you.

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And they're the entire time. You were there for the entire stretch. How did you get involved in – by the way, it's 20th anniversary of The Office.

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He really is. How did you get approached about doing the project? I'm sure you had some auditions with Greg. How did that come about?

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That would have been a whole different show. Yeah. Yeah.

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TCB Infomercial: Kate Flannery

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Chan all over. Chan all over. I'm sorry. I just had to say it. I just had to say it. No, no, no. It's crazy, right? Yeah.

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A little trauma. Yeah, a little trauma too. I think you two need some therapy. I agree.

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Nutter butters are vegan?

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Well, that's great news. I love that.

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That's so on brand for you. That's right. That is on brand for me. It really is.

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Yeah. Now we're talking.

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I know about it. I've never had it.

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Honestly. Yeah. Thanksgiving food.

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Oh, I've never seen that.

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That sounds good.

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You're really opening my eyes up today. I mean, slaughterhouse. A snow cone with sweetened condensed milk. It's a big day.

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In a can?

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TCB Infomercial: Felipe Esparza

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Yeah, yeah. I made a chickpea salad the other day, like the fake tuna salad for my sister. She's vegetarian. And I went in with the garlic powder and the onion powder. I was like, I'm going to make this taste good or she's going to kill me.

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On this episode of The Commercial Break.

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I've seen people use it in cocktails as well. Like on top of a little pisco sour.

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Some good stuff.

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It's called aquafaba.

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I would assume.

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Such as like an emotional bias you have?

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That's how they do it.

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Flashers. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.

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Yeah. I don't know what possessed you to do that.

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He's living the life.

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They have really good vegan options in the UK. Yes, a lot of vegan options. They have such good vegan options.

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Umami, some might say.

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Yeah, just let us know. That's all we're asking. A little heads up.

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That's my kind of food.

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We've got a lot of good food here.

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Slutty Vegan, yeah.

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That's snow Atlanta. I love that for us.

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$1,500. $1,500.

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And then like... I didn't either at that price.

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Honestly, it's like you've lived here.

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You've had all of the Atlanta experiences.

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Yeah. But too dumb to be anything else besides a cop. Yeah.

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Nothing like it.

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I have a wild idea. Go to our Instagram and follow us at The Commercial Break and then go to our TikTok and follow us there at TCB Podcast. And then go to our YouTube, youtube.com slash The Commercial Break and follow us there. And then text us at 212-433-3TCB and tell us that you followed us on all of those other places. And then go to our website, tcbpodcast.com and browse, I guess.

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Well, those are all the ideas I have for today. So see you tomorrow. Bye.

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Please, we need it. While you're doing that, you can also follow us on Instagram at The Commercial Break and on TikTok at TCB Podcast. And as always, check out our website, TCB Podcast dot com for all of our audio and video content. Speaking of video, we are also posting full video episodes at YouTube dot com slash The Commercial Break. So go watch them, please.

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Anyway, now let's hear from our sponsors and get back to the good stuff.

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It was the biggest academic scandal in the history of college sports and probably in the history of academia.

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Everybody wasn't expecting to hear about all of this today. I'm sorry, guys.

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You know, my dad's first job was also a slaughterhouse.

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Yeah, but he calls it the abattoir because he's English. Well, yeah, they call it the abattoir because he wants to live in the abattoir. I was like, what's that? He goes, a slaughterhouse. Yeah, the United Healthcare CEO.

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That's crazy.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Just, holy shit, it's not just about me anymore.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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I'm with you on that.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Okay, so let me ask you this. Scariest moment so far with your child? Let me give you an example. So I remember, at least so far with my children, scariest moment, hands down, was the time my son walked out of the closet with a pit, a cherry pit,

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in his throat that he couldn't get out but he was already discolored when he walked out of the closet like he had already been in the closet choking and we didn't know because we were standing it was in the pantry so we didn't know so I will never forget that moment when I talk about it now still makes me want to like cry like a fear cry like oh my god I almost just lost my child that was the scariest moment luckily brain kicked in told me remember the basics do the thing and it all worked out but any like holy shit moments with your kids so far

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Yeah, just waddling out of the pantry. And he's like... That's what he's doing. That's exactly it. And then what if your hands are tied behind your back or something. You can't do anything about it. You just gotta sit. Well, that's a little dark.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene, this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us. It's the TCB Infomercial Tuesday with Mr. Noel Miller. Actor, comedian, director. Ja. He's really funny.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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You want a real joke? Have daughters. Have beautiful daughters. That's when God says, I'm getting back at all. I'm getting you back for everything. Everything has a way of coming back around. And now you're going to have to watch Brian Greene show up to your front door and take your dollar out on a date. And I'm going to go, no fucked in the basement. No fucked in the basement. I see. I see.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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That's how it rolls. Yeah. And is he crawling yet?

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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These are the moments. These are the moments. We just take mental images because these are the moments. Now my youngest is two. And when I see young kids like six months, five months, you know, nine months old, I go for like a brief second. I go, oh, I miss that. I wish I could have that one more time. And then I smack myself from the inside. What the fuck are you thinking?

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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I don't have another goddamn kid. No more fucking kids. No more fucking dogs. Do you guys have pets around the house?

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Yeah, the small dogs, they have a problem with it. I got a Yorkie, and it took a good three or four months, but once something kicked in, like, this thing ain't going away, I better play nice with it. The only reason that Yorkie is still around the house is because she's very good with the children. Like, she protects them, she plays with them. They pull her ears and drag her around by the tail.

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She eats their crackers. But this has given you... I'm sure this has given you... We were just talking before you came on. This has given you a bunch of breathing new life into material that then you can use on stage.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Das ist etwas, was man sich überlegen kann. Ja. Ja. Ja. Ja. Same thing. Yes, during my wife's natural birth. She had a natural birth that was rough, so then she had two C-sections. And in all three occasions, I thought, where are the smells that should come with opening up a body like this? I'm just not getting that, thankfully. I'm not getting that. Did you have a mask on? I had a mask on.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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I've been digging into Noel Millers long, long list of content creations. And I gotta say, he's like naturally funny. You know, he's like one of those guys who just has this natural way about him that's funny, he's very laid back. I think you're gonna like Noel Miller if you are not aware of him, but probably many of you are, because he is... 4,5 Millionen Leute folgen ihm auf den sozialen Medien.

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I thought we would all go in like Silence of the Lambs and put some weird stuff under our nose, like some menthol under our nose. It didn't happen. But I didn't smell anything either.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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You were holding a leg? Oh, you were right in there, huh?

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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The doctor asked me, she said, do you want to take a look? And I looked in my wife's eyes. And Astrid's eyes, she almost begged me through those eyeballs not to do that. But curiosity killed the cat. And I looked and I thought, wow. I mean, I knew what to look for. I had seen birthing videos before. I knew what I would see, but I didn't really... I wasn't really prepared for it.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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But listen, it was beautiful. It's birth. That's it. It's all natural. Do you enjoy being out on the road? So, you know, those who don't know Noel, we have talked about him in the intro here, but you're really kind of like a... You started on Vine, right? I did, yes. I started a Twitter video platform. I loved Vine.

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Yeah.

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Und wir haben 4,5 Millionen Leute, die uns auf unseren... Ich glaube, einer von ihnen ist ein Bot, aber ich behalte sie da, weil ich das Countdown von 25% nicht bringen möchte. Oh Mann, wir haben über dieses und dieses und dieses und dieses für Jahre gesprochen. Auf diesem Show. Ich glaube, es hat mit dem Fakt, dass wir nur Klips von der Show veröffentlicht haben, zu tun.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Ein bisschen Bewertung. Du hast dir vorgestellt, wenn du eine Gemeinschaft von Leuten hast, die deine Komödie online genießen, dann hast du ein bisschen Bewertung innerhalb des Clubs.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Richtig. Ich denke nur, während du das sagst, es ist so, dass es früh ist und jetzt jeder Komedian, der in die Tür kommt, erforscht oder nicht, Stadien oder kleine Klubs verkauft, sagt das gleiche. Es sind die Videos zuerst, richtig?

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I mean, and you're like... I don't know you that well, right? And I'm admittedly like, have not followed your career since the beginning. But the vibe that I get is that your personality and your... Wow, ich liebe das, Mann. Ja, ja. Es ist ein Geschenk, oder? Aber dann eigentlich zu gehen und es zu machen, ist eine andere Sache altogether. Ist es das Feedback, das dir gut fühlt?

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Ist es so, dass ich die Energie, die in der Wohnung ist, riffen kann und das Gefühl fühle?

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Und ich glaube, die Leute sind ein bisschen wie... Ja, ich glaube, wir werden die Kugel zerstören. Wir werden die Kugel zerstören. Wir werden die Kugel zerstören. Yeah, maybe we can get some tips from Noel, because he seems to be good at getting out there and doing it. But he's really creative. He does like parody music, you know, all kind of stuff. So we'll talk to Noel about that.

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Ja, Ari Safir, den wir hatten, hat gesagt, dass ein Comedy-Show manchmal ein High-Wire-Akt für den Publikum ist. Sie wollen nicht in der Mitte sitzen, sie wollen nicht vorne sitzen, weil sie Angst haben, wer sie anzeigen wird und etwas sagen. Aber ich denke, das ist der Grund, warum Live-Comedy so groß ist. Es ist ein High-Wire-Akt und du machst diesen Tanz. Es ist wie ein Balance zwischen...

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Offending and opening minds. Between observing and just shitting the bed. It's like the comic who's really doing the high wire act, but when the audience gets involved, it can get really gnarly. Do you still enjoy... Do you still enjoy the video aspect of it? Do you still enjoy going out there, content creating? I just want to admit this. Sometimes it's a job, right? I'm jobbing. I'm here.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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I'm doing it. It's rinse and repeat. I always find that sitting with my friend is fun, but sometimes it does feel like work. How do you feel about content creating so many years later after having been online for a long time?

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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NoelMillerLive.com, I believe, is where you can go and buy tickets to his upcoming tour. He's got like 20 cities on there. I think if you live in a place, he will be near that place. Go on the map and find your place and then find a place that's close there. That's right. So we'll talk to him in just a couple of minutes.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja, ja.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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So, yeah, I think... Isn't that the best thing in the world? To have a partner who will... guide you softly, gently, sometimes firmly to your best self. And as a content creator, it's so hard to see the forest through the trees sometimes. You do get stuck. There's something wrong with the sound. It doesn't matter about the sound, but it goes on for five minutes and it should be two, right?

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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And it's like, okay. Okay, ich habe es. Oder ihr seid das Beste, wenn ihr darüber redet. Und meine Frau tut das auch immer zu mir. Und manchmal bin ich ein bisschen überrascht, weil ich fühle mich, als wäre ich kritisiert. Aber dann, wenn ich einen Moment zurückstehe, nehme ich immer eine Atmung und sage, danke Gott, sie ist hier.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Um mir zu erzählen, um in der Void zu weinen, um etwas in der Void zu sagen und nicht Angst zu haben, etwas zu sagen. Ja. Deine Frau heißt Alina? Ja.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

232.592

But I wanted to know if you had heard about the brand new sensation that's rocking the internet right now. Chrissy, Mewing. Do you know what a Mewing is? Mewing. I've heard of Mewing.

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You took a shit on the floor, Noel. It just didn't work out. But we need somebody like that in our lives.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Ja, sie hat mich immer, immer, immer geglaubt. Und du fühlst, dass dieser Fokus und diese Richtung und deine Möglichkeit, deine Ideen auszuprobieren, dich frisch hält. Wie, hey, ich will morgens aufwachen, ich will das machen. Ich habe eine Idee, ich will sie kreieren, ich will es machen. Ja, definitiv. Nicht jeder Tag ist so.

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You're welcome. Do you run that podcast network like day to day? Are you the day to day operations guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. CEO of the business? Wow.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's the great thing about having less than 20 employees or less, is that you just get to put whatever title you want, suits the particular email. So, you know, if I'm writing someone and I'm like, executive producer, CEO, manager, co-host, creator. Yeah, I just change names all the time. Assistant to Chrissy. Assistant to Chrissy, that's right. Yeah.

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Oh, that's true. JK.

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Not Meow, Meow. Mew, Mew. Mewing, not a super computer.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Can I ask you a question while you're talking about getting high? I saw one of your videos and there was a guy on, and I wish I could remember his name, he talked about taking a 2,000 milligram Edible. Do you know what I'm talking about? Oh my god, Tyler Walsh. He's like bass fishing. Tyler Walsh, that's it. He's talking about taking a 2,000 milligram edible. I like my 5 grams.

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Yeah, I go for 10, 15, maybe 20. Like, that's insanity.

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That's right.

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It's a thing you do with your tongue and rest it on the back of your and then you get your cheekbones and you raise your head to chisel and make you look more like a duck than you already look like. So Astrid texted me the other day because you got talking about mewing on the show because it's like really hip and cool and all the kids are talking about it and I'm like what the fuck is mewing?

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We always know, you know, we have a friend like this too. He's like the Forrest Gump of our friends, right? He finds himself in the craziest situations, high on the most incredible amounts of narcotics and he's always standing straight up for some reason and he finds a friend in any situation. This guy could be dropped in the middle of the Ukrainian war and I think that he would

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find the shrooms and the weed and there'd be a drum circle going on by the end of it. He's just that guy. I don't know how to explain it any better. He's got a different view on life and he pulls everybody into it. But his tolerance is incredible. I mean, it's incredible. Not me. No, not me either.

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I drink a beer and a 5 milligram and I want to be at home watching some TLC show about polyamory or some shit like that. Are you trying to sell your wife on it?

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Polyamory is French for my marriage is failing. I'm just saying. It's good. That's a tough one. Listen, we know people who have been in open marriages and seriously done the do. Dating other people, screwing other people, but inevitably, inevitably,

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Die Menschheit ist die Menschheit und deine Fähigkeit, den Fakt, dass jemand anderes dein signifizierter Anderer zerstört, da ist etwas daran, dass es die Rückseite deines, ich weiß nicht, es ist etwas, es ist wie ein kleiner Trigger in der Rückseite deines Herzens und es geht verrückt. Es macht dich wollen, zu schauen. Ja. Kucking ist ein ganz anderes Tier.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Ich denke, diese Leute sind auch anders gebaut. Sie haben auch eine seltsame mentale Fortität, weißt du, was ich meine? Ja, sicher. Was machst du, wenn du auf Tour gehst? Wie ist die Frau und der Kind? Ich meine, wie ist das Teil davon?

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No, if you need to go, we can call you back and wrap this up another time.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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I'm going to beat them up. I'll be right back. Okay, sounds good. So here's how the rest of the conversation went down when he got back. By the way, Noel was extraordinarily gracious, calm and seemingly not stressed out during any of this. Take a listen and then Chrissy and I will be back to wrap this all up. And Noel Miller Part 2 coming to your ears, hopefully sooner rather than later.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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I had heard it Do you remember that girl who like fell in love with Morgan Whalen? Because Morgan Whalen's mom started DMing her. And it turned out, go figure, in the least surprising thing that's happened in 2025, Morgan Whalen's mom was not DMing her, but she gave Morgan Whalen's mom $18,000 worth of gold dot gift cards.

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Is everything okay?

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Is everyone okay?

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Was tun wir? Was tun wir?

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Nein, absolut nicht. Du musst einen Wurf machen. Hör auf, wir werden die letzte Halbzeit von diesem Thema beenden. Keine Sorge.

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Ich hoffe, dass alles in Ordnung ist.

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So, you know.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Did they just dent it? Yeah, it's pretty bad. We're gonna be okay. Sorry, guys.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Well, in all the different ways people have gotten out of interviews with a commercial break, I have to say that was an original. Nein, keine Scheiße.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Ich habe gerade am Ende des Interviews bemerkt, dass Noëls Fokus komplett weggegangen ist. Noël, wenn du das auf dem Video siehst, war komplett aufmerksam während der ganzen 30 Minuten, in denen wir mit ihm gesprochen haben. Und dann, für den letzten Moment, wurde er super unfokussiert. Und ich dachte für einen Sekunden, oh, das ist... Ich dachte, das ist CEO-Stuff.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Ich habe mir gedacht, okay, das ist ein Zeichen, dass wir vielleicht von dieser Partei der Konversation weitergehen müssen. Du weißt, du kannst sehen, wenn jemand ein bisschen enttäuscht wird. Aber das war es nicht. Er war tatsächlich an seinem Telefon geschaut und er hat einfach die Konversation unterbrochen und war wie, Leute, jemand hat mich in meinem Garag geschlagen, denke ich.

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Also, ich meine, wenn du lernst, dann hast du die meiste von dem gehört. Okay, so we'll get back to Noel Miller a different time. Hopefully he'll agree to come back on and do a few more minutes with us. But I really enjoyed my conversation with him. And he can be found at noelmillerlive.com. You can go and check all the dates out that he's going to be.

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He's going to be here in Atlanta on the 22nd of November, Christy. Maybe we'll go see him Center Stage Theater, which is not a... Nicht ein typischer Comedy-Joint. Es ist ein bisschen größer als die meisten Comedy-Plätze, kleiner als State Farm oder so etwas. Aber das wäre ein guter Ort, um Live-Comedy zu sehen, denke ich. Das ist ein Rundtabelland. Ich würde das genießen.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Sie sprach über Muehling und ich dachte, es hat etwas damit zu tun, wie du deine Lippen öffnest und deinen Hintern ausmachst oder so etwas.

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Und schaut alle... Ich werde Links in den Show Notes geben. Es gibt zu viel Content, um hier zu nennen. Ich werde Links in die Show Notes geben. Tiny Meat Gang, er hat seine eigenen Kanäle auf YouTube. Tiny Meat Gang ist noch da und macht es. Und einige der Interviews, die er hat... are just fascinating. Like we were talking about before we got interrupted.

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Somebody had a 2000 milligram gummy and that story is really funny. I will not tell it here. Hopefully we'll get that guy on the show. But what else is there to say? His garage got hit by a car. What are you going to do? When your house gets damaged and you're a house owner, you get very nervous.

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Help! Yeah, I think if We don't have a garage. But if we had a garage, or if the house was hit by a car, it would be grounds for immediate dismissal of any episode of the commercial break, no matter who was on. And while you're here with the esteemed commercial break, I do understand the interruption, and I certainly accept that he had to go at that moment.

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There was no other choice, nothing else to do. Noel had to go take care of his baby, six months old. He's in the thick of it. He's handling it pretty well. He seems to be pretty...

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Aber es gab einen Chiropractor, mit dem ich ein Video gesehen habe. Der Chiropractor hat erklärt, dass Muehling wirklich ein Ding ist und es wirklich kann in manchen Menschen passieren. Ja, es ist so. So, ich schaue dieses Video auf Muehung an Starbucks. Und dann schaue ich rum und es gibt, ich weiß nicht, 50 Leute an Starbucks.

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Zen about the whole thing. But when I had my first at six months old, it was absolutely nerve-wrackingly chaotic. And I had no idea just how much more chaotic it could get.

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I know. And then by the time the third, and he was saying like, you know, I get nervous about like touching the garbage can and then touching my kid and all that. By the third one, they're eating dog shit. And you're like, put that down and put it in the trash while you're at it. Can you clean that up and put it in the trash while you're at it? Yeah, you get it. You understand.

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You're like, okay, that's it.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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You and I had both watched that first episode. Maybe now the second episode is out. That Polly family on TLC.

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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TLC never fails to amaze me. A year ago, some Listen will remember that we reviewed a very small brief video that was put out by a poly family, unlike most poly families. Es ist ein wirklich... Ja, das ist für uns. Aber genießen wir es, andere Leute zu sehen?

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Ja, und es wird interessant. Es sieht aus, als ob später in der Saison ich etwas über...

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TCB Infomercial: Noel Miller

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Oh, really? So there's a fifth coming into the mix or she's asking or she wants or she has.

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Unbelievable. This is not the way to live, in my opinion. It is hard enough to have one fucking spouse. It is difficult to navigate the intricacies of human relationships. It really is. Anybody who's been in one, which is everybody, knows that sometimes other human beings around you are just kind of shit. It's like a shitty situation. You're in a bad mood, they're in a bad mood.

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We're having less sex now, we're having more sex then. It's like this whole... I'm laughing about Jeff living here. Jeff würde nicht hier leben. Jeff würde nicht hier leben.

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Ich weiß, dass Jeff Kinder hatte. Jeff liebt, liebt alle in diesem Haus. Ich weiß, er liebt. Ich bin nicht, und hör mal, ich habe nicht, ich habe nicht, ich habe nicht,

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and long since been out of diapers and toys and all that, and already been through puberty and dating and first kisses and all that shit, I would be like, thank God, that part of my life is behind me and now everything in my life has a place. I went over to Chrissy's house the other day before the Pearl Jam concert, as we discussed, and the records were organized.

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Alphabetically. Alphabetically. In a category.

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I have records and they are in beds, they are in closets, they are in refrigerators. I think one of my Pearl Jam records is in the freezer right now. Those kids have destroyed everything. But there is a certain amount of acceptance that comes with that. That the chaos is coming along with it and that's just the way it fucking is and you're gonna have to deal with it. For now.

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But I live on the hope and the dream that someday I get over that hump and everything calms the fuck down. Until then, I just throw my hands in the air.

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I am always doing the best I can. But I believe that's most people. Most people are doing the best they can with the information they have at the time. And if you're not, you're just a shithead. So anyway. All right. Well, here's to Noel Miller in his garage.

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I hope we get to follow up. I think we will. I think Noel will be back and hopefully it doesn't take too long. Ja, das war seltsam, aber das Leben passiert. Was machst du? Die Leute fahren in deine Garage. Roll with the punches. Die Leute fahren in Garages. Ich bin in eine Garage gefahren. Ich habe Häuser gebaut, wo die Kontrakte in die Garage gefahren sind.

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Und wenn es passiert, ist es ein großer Schmerz, weil die Garage ein komplizierter Teil der Maschine ist, der in 200 fucking Jahren nicht evolved hat. It's the same thing. Track, door, motor, things hanging down from the roof of your garage. It's a whole complicated endeavor. And there's only one thing you can do. Call the garage guy and get a new garage door.

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It's not like when you run into a garage door, you can just fix it. That must be a good business. Yeah, because you don't fix a broken garage door. You get a new one. Unless it's the motor and you gotta replace the motor. But if you bend a piece of the garage, like the actual door, you're getting a new garage. That's it. A new garage. Garage and roofs.

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And if I have another roof guy stop by my fucking house to tell me I can get a new roof for no money... Es ist wie ein Tür-zu-Tür-Vakuum-Sales-Kleiner. Die 2025-Version davon sind die Ruf-Männer, die dir versprochen haben, dass sie dir einen neuen Ruf durch deinen Sicherheitsunternehmen bringen können. Fuck you! Ich esse. Komm nicht zu meiner vorderen Tür. Wer knackt auf einer vorderen Tür mehr?

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Und dann stand da ein Mann da für etwa zehn Minuten. Ich schwöre dir Gott, er hat es gemacht. Er hat die Tür-Tür-Kleinung gehalten. Er wusste, dass jemand da war. Stop what you're doing! Don't go anywhere! Stop what you're doing! All right. All the links to Noel's information is in the show notes. Go check him out. I'm sure you already have. He's got so many followers.

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You probably know who this guy is. But really funny, really nice. And we'll follow up with him just as soon as we can. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. If you're listening to us on Apple, do us a favor. Go and rate us at the commercial break on Instagram. YouTube.com slash thecommercialbreak for all the episodes soon as they air here on the audio feed.

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Und so, ich schaue dieses Video auf Muehung an und der Chiropractor erklärt, dass er kann, wenn Leute Muehung machen, nur aufgrund ihrer Postur und der Art, wie sie ihren Mund halten, wenn sie nicht sprechen. Und er gab ein Beispiel. Hier ist, was ich sehe, wenn ich Leute sehe, die Muehung machen. Okay, okay.

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Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

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Tell you that I love you.

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Four or five tables have older folks, some of them maybe at their advanced ages, 60, 70 years old. Gobblers. Face slouching down, you know, holding their mouth breathers, right? Mures. Face up, chin up, sturdy jawline. I saw one guy, you could crack walnuts on that jaw. His jaw was so fucking chiseled, you could see every muscle rippling in his jaw. And I thought to myself,

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I don't want a blowjob from that guy because he's got teeth that are strong. But you could tell.

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The chiropractor was saying that some people do not have the physical natural structure to mew because you have to hold your tongue right between, like he explained it, open your mouth, take your tongue, stick it to the top, stick it to right where your teeth meet the top of your mouth.

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If your jaw moves when you do that, you are tongue-tied. The official term for it, tongue-tied. That means your tongue is tied to your bottom of your mouth and the only way to fix it is getting laser surgery. I can do it without moving my jaw. Can you do it without moving your jaw? Open your mouth. Stick your tongue at the top of your mouth. Yeah, you did it without moving your jaw. Okay.

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So I'm a mewer?

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I can mew? You can mew. But you have to do this all the time. Every time your mouth is closed and you're resting, you have to stick your tongue right there. And if your tongue overlaps your teeth when you do that, if your tongue is bigger than your teeth in the semicircle of your mouth, you're out. You can't do mewing.

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Because if you do mewing, you can cause yourself a whole litany of health problems, according to the chiropractor. Mine fits snugly in there. So I can mute. So here's my promise to the commercial break and to our budding Instagram account with almost 7,000 people. And then we got Noel Miller. He's got 80 million people in there. I'm gonna mute for a month. I'm gonna mute.

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And we're gonna see if it changes the physical structure of my job.

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Oh, I'm gonna take lots of before and afters. You know that speaking of before and afters, Okay. Fast forward a couple of years later and iPhone now has this thing where you can make your screensaver a picture.

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And it can rotate in your photo album.

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So I do this neat little trick because now I got children and I figure, hey, listen, a couple of happy photographs of my children when I open up my phone 7000 times a day might make me a little less stressed. Well, one day those photos popped up. And Astrid was like, who the fuck are you sending those photos to? And I'm like, Fat Brian? Who am I sending Fat Brian photos to?

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I go, no, I swear to God, I took these right when we first started dating. Look at the timestamp. Yeah, look at the timestamp. There is no timestamp. Anyway, I'll take some before and afters. We'll mew it out and we'll see. We'll mew. I'll mew. I'll see if it does anything. And we'll all be the judge. We'll all decide. When Brian mewed, did it change his facial structure?

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Most people don't like looking at my face, but for this... Ich werde dich fragen, nur einmal deine Augen zu öffnen. Viele Leute sagen, dass sie für Chrissy schauen. Du kannst deine Augen einmal oder zweimal öffnen für dieses Mal. All right, Mr. Noel Miller. Wir sind super gespannt auf dieses Mal. Wie ich gesagt habe, Viral Sensation. Es begann auf Vine, ging über YouTube. Ich liebe es.

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Er hat die Tiny Meat Gang. Er hat eine Podcast-Netzwerk. Er hat seinen eigenen Podcast. Er hat seinen eigenen YouTube-Kanal. Ich meine, der Kerl ist ein Content-Creator. Und er hat ein Web von Content da draußen. Und einiges davon ist sehr lustig. Einiges davon ist sehr offbeat. Und ich denke, die Sensibilität, der Sinn des Humors ist sehr ähnlich. Er ist einfach lustig.

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Wenn er seinen macht, sind wir designt, ihn zu schlagen. So, hopefully we'll get a few laughs from Noel. And so let's do this. Why don't we take a break? And then, through the magic of telepodcasting, when we get back, Mr. Noel Miller. Do you or don't you agree, Chrissy?

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Chrissy is sprinkling the magic Miller dust all over the studio. We will be back after this. You'll make this rather snappy, won't you? I have so many heavy thinking to do before 10 o'clock.

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Und Noel ist mit uns. Danke, dass du mitgekommen bist. Wir freuen uns sehr. Hallo. Hallo. Wie schläfst du? Ich schlafe gut. Noel ist ein brandneuer Vater. Ich bin nicht brandneu, aber neu. Ich bin neu. Sechs Monate sind neu. Ja, es ist neu. Ja. Ja. Percy, hast du Kinder?

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Oh. Someone hit your garage with a car?

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That's fair enough.

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Piss and shit. Can I say that? Of course you can. Exactly. Explicit warning on every episode. Yeah, they're formed. They're hatched. They're not little chicklets. They're hatched. They know how to do it. But you know the old adage is, small children, small problems, big children, big problems. Yes, of course.

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No, if you need to go, we can like, we can call you back and wrap this up another time.

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So she has two girls that she adopts by marriage and they're right into puberty, which has got to be a nightmare.

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Yeah, she's more like the mascot. Like the zany mascot that you can't get rid of.

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It takes all kinds. Being a parent is like, I'm sure it had to have changed everything. Because it did for me. I found that not only am I raising the kids, the kids are raising me, so to speak. Oh yeah. Let's start a podcast. Let's start a podcast, because that's where all the money is at. Did you feel that way when you had your kid? Did you have that same kind of awakening that I did?

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Aw, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris Joy Holdley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. TCB Infomercial Tuesday with yet another repeat customer, Kelsey Cook. I can't believe it. Seeing her moment. Someone's agreed. She's seeing her moment.

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We have these conversations all the time. We have these DeLulu conversations all the time. Chrissy and I do. Like, there are steps you can take to move outside of the RSS feed, so to speak. Like, we live very much in this RSS bubble. We do this show at our, you know, here in a local studio. And we live...

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regular lives outside of this but there are lots of podcasters mainly comedians who do this out there who have this level of fame and success where i think that their lives are altered because they are outside the rss feed outside of that bubble and so christy and i often say what would it be like to live outside that bubble or if we took steps to live outside of that bubble and i can see what you're saying because maybe your life changes in a way that doesn't feel um

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Like it sounds great, but then when it happens, maybe it's not. Like when you can't go to the grocery store without people asking for an autograph or take a picture or can you do a reel with me or whatever, people start to get this sense of, you know, they want to encroach on a universe that's been exclusively yours or you and your boyfriends. And that feels good to you.

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It feels good to go out, get the adoration, do what you do, kill it, and then come home and be a normal person.

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She's having her moment. She's coming on the show even though she's much more popular than she was even just six months ago, which I find hard to believe. Thank you, Kelsey.

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That's all I gotta say. That's all I gotta say. Prince never moved out of Minneapolis. That's all. That's all you gotta say. He literally made Minneapolis like ground zero for...

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It's on my list. Okay, so your new special. Fantastic. Everybody here has watched it. It's so funny. It's like required reading around here. Beginning to end. Solid. Thank you. And I'll say this. The ladies, including Astrid, Tina, Chrissy, all just raved about this special. I think it really resonates. And I thought it was very funny also. I don't see you as the jealous type.

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There is no doubt.

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That's like the biggest surprise eye opener of the entire special was like, she's not jealous. Is she a jealous type? She seems so mild mannered.

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No doubt that we played a huge role in her success, and I'd like to take credit for that, and I'd like her to admit that here on the show. That if it wasn't for the commercial break, she wouldn't, in fact, have a new special out on Hulu and YouTube. And if it wasn't for the fact that she came on the commercial break, she would not be as popular and making as much money as she is right now.

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I get it. Like, I am not at all... I mean, I think I was more of a jealous type in my 20s, but I just was never... I just never really... Like, okay, if you don't like me or if you're whatever with someone else, then I guess that's not... I think it's laziness is actually what it is. It's not too lazy to get involved in my own emotions about any of that stuff.

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But I do see what you're saying is that, you know, I love my wife... passionately and she's my one and I don't ever I don't want to do this again right I want yes we have I like what we have and this is the best I the best relationship I've ever been in and I all those things yeah and I do see what you're saying is I think it's maybe not jealousy it's protection

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Yes. I think that that has that can play into it, too. And by the way, you can have all the trust in the world. That doesn't mean you're not human. That doesn't mean that like the mind abhors a vacuum.

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And who is this bitch who's literally telling you to your face? Your boyfriend is hot.

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And when she admits that, I'll be happy. As long as she gives us tickets to her next appearance here in Atlanta. That's one thing we need to ask all our guests. If you come to Atlanta, backstage passes, drink tickets for the kids, and a bucket of popcorn.

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And he touched her in a moment of vulnerability, and I'm sure that she felt like that was, I'm putting words in her mouth, of course, but I suppose that what she felt was some sort of connection because in that moment, she felt like he reached out to her and said something nice.

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And, you know, when you're when there's a famous comic standing up there and then you and you admire their work and then they connect with you, it's like, oh, OK, I'm sure she meant it. Like, I love your husband in a way that he was very nice and I made a special connection with him.

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Yeah. We were talking to Ari Shafir about this, about like the people in the first couple of rows, you know, and how they go to like a comedy show, you know, wherever it may be. They go to a comedy show and there's this sense that they understand, depending on who the comic is, that they could be a target of the comedy. Right. And like some people may enjoy that. Other people may not.

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Yes. Those are our demands. That's our rider, Kelsey Cook. And I'll have you know that I will take no shit. I will take nothing less than free popcorn at your next event. KelseyCook.com is where you can find more information about Kelsey, all of her tour dates. She's on an extensive tour right now, so I'm sure she's coming somewhere close to you.

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But how they react in the moment, who knows? Right. It's like a big X factor. Right.

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Is there any interest? Has there been any discussion? This is a question, you know, that I probably shouldn't ask, but I'm going to ask. Has there been any conversation around getting married? Or is this just like, we're here, we're doing it. We don't need to put it on paper.

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All right. I was just wondering if I needed to call Chad and...

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The benefits of locking it up, Chad.

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So where did you film the special?

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Yes. And so did you do this over... I mean, I don't want to give away all the magic, but was this a couple of nights that then you strung together? Or did you just do one night and then you had callbacks or...

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And two shows in that night. So answer me this. I noticed that it's on two platforms. Is that right? Yes. It's on Hulu and YouTube. Okay, so why is that? I'm very curious as to why this is. I don't recall at least seeing this. This 800-pound gorilla, right?

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We've had a lot of comics on who've had specials on 800-pound gorilla. Good for them supporting good comedy. So why is it double-platformed?

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So go to KelseyCook.com to buy those tickets and the brand new special on Hulu and YouTube, which I'd like to ask her about.

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Case in point, the commercial break.

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We got to spice it up. If we had every Yahoo with a YouTube special on, we'd do nothing but Yahoo's.

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Yeah, that's what we told Kyle Kinane. I said, hey, I'll have you on when you get on a streamer, okay?

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Not yet, yeah.

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Well, I actually think it's a good idea, right? We talk about this a lot. It's like being multi-platformed is so important. And I think the more opportunity you have to get in front of eyeballs or ears or whatever it is to share your work, your creativity, you're taking a lot of time, energy, and effort. This is what you do. It comes from, I'm sure, a lot of like...

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A lot of internal strife and struggle and hard work. And you want as many people to see that as possible. Not everybody has access to Hulu. Not everybody can either afford it or has it or whatever the reason may be. And YouTube is such a jurganaut. I mean, they are...

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you know there there's more watching going on on youtube right now for the first time ever than any all the television platforms put together so youtube is a player in the market and so yeah i think it makes a lot of sense that you would put this out both has there been like generally positive feedback about this special i saw some i was reading through the comments on youtube which is where i watched it i was reading some of the comments and unbelievably

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Everybody here has watched the special. Everybody has given it a Michelin star, essentially.

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Like, most of them are so very good toward the special, and that's not... Like, YouTube is the cesspool in the comments section. I don't usually read it. But I saw a bunch of people were just raving about your special.

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Yeah. Because I would imagine, I don't know, but I would imagine, and after having talked to a lot of comics, that the money that you make, the living that you make, is by and large done through live shows. It's not like Hulu's paying you a million dollars for the rights to stream your specials. Right.

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You may get some money out of them or you and I would imagine that if I were in a comic and I was up and coming and, you know, or trying to make a break, I would might even say, you can have this special. Just put it on your platform. Like, just put it on your platform.

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And then if it does well, then we can talk about it in a year or whatever. Maybe we can do another special. So I can see how this is really a driver to get more people to show up where you really make your bread and butter, which is at the live shows.

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No, it's true. Yeah. No, it's true. You're right. She. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I don't know what else to say. I mean, Kelsey is she very much looks. She very much looks like a innocent, like a teacher or something.

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Yeah. If you have 4 million views, you're not only putting some butts in seats, but then at the same time, you have some leverage to have those conversations with, you know, Disney executives. If I'm you and I'm trying to get on Hulu. Brian wants to be your manager. Yeah, I want to be your manager. Yeah. I'm so fascinated by the inner workings of all this.

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If I'm you, or if I'm managing you, here's what I'm saying. Kelsey will do this special for free, but I need an all expenses paid vacation to Disney World once a year, which is the equivalent of about a million dollars worth of...

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net revenue yeah yeah corn dogs are 42 dollars you know those fucking pretzel heads those mickey pretzel heads they're like 15 dollars a piece i believe it it's insane it's insane um so you're out on tour currently where are where are you looking tell me about the places that you i mean i know you're not going to tell me that you don't like any places to go i get the the politics of that

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But tell me about the places. I'll tell you some places.

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Yes, of course I do. That's the more interesting conversation, but I'm trying to get my way in the back door here a little bit.

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It was a little dramatic, but in the fog of war, they don't know.

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Yeah. And that's that's no not. I mean, no knock on the way that she looks. She's beautiful. But I'm just saying when there's certain like when you look at Madison from Love is Blind.

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care a gun where someone's if someone's pointing a gun in an open mall I'm like fuck all that I just don't want anything to do with it and exactly and we do hear about this so often that it's a trigger word I think for everybody you know it's a real trigger word for for is for me as a parent Every time I hear the word school and gun, it happens frequently, right?

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Every time I hear that, I just go in sheer panic. Not because I think it's happening at the school my kids go to, but because it happens so often. Someday it could be the school that my kid goes to.

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So she looks like a troublemaker. Right. She just in those eyes, there are years of experience and she looks like a troublemaker. But when you look at someone like Kelsey, she seems like she could do no wrong. Right. She just seems like a very innocent, nice human being. But when you watch her special, you realize that there's some dirt behind those eyes. I'd like to talk to her about that, too.

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Of course. Horrifying. During the winter, I'm sure that you must enjoy getting down to warmer places when you're traveling. Do you like arrange or have your manager arrange your tour schedule to get you to a few warm places?

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Yeah, come on. Let's get that manager to work.

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Oh, yeah. No, thanks.

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I just have an allergy to the cold weather. I really do. I mean, we live in Atlanta and it got cold down here, too. But, you know, for me, it's I grew up in Chicago and I think I've done my penance. I've done my time. I would rather stay down where it's just a little bit warmer if I can avoid that. Like, I don't I'm not interested in going on a ski vacation.

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People call me and, you know, people like texting. Hey, we're going to go skiing wherever. And I'm like, fuck that. You're going to go to be cold. You're going to go somewhere to be cold. No, thank you. I'll take my chances.

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Well, she moved there. I mean, yeah.

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It's not that warm.

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Okay. So you've got the lakes.

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It's the land of lakes. It's the land of lakes. I see it on my cream box every day when I make coffee and eat cereal. Land of lakes. That's us. I think that's where my cream comes from. I'd like to think so anyway. When I'm looking at my cream box, I just imagine a rolling field with snow.

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Cows. Butters being churned. Beautifully appointed. Churning butter. By hand. Yes. Here's a funny, like a little...

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funny side note i watched a couple of days ago like a national geographic special on antwick the coldest place on earth where people inhabit which is up in like i don't know somewhere in russia or one of the former ussr states oh yeah and it regularly is like minus 75 degrees fahrenheit there for like seven months a year what

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And the kids can go to school if it's minus 53 or warmer, but they cannot go to school if it's minus 53 or colder. They eat for breakfast strawberries and churned whipped cream. That's like their meal because it's got so much fat in it. That's what they need to eat. And that's the only thing they can eat because it's the only thing that can stay fresh is the actual dairy that comes from it.

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Of course, she's got the podcast also that she does with her boyfriend. She does with her. Yeah, she does with her boyfriend, Chad, who's also a very famous, very popular comedian. Hold on one second, because I'm looking at Hulu here. She's got a link on her website and I am trying to watch on YouTube. Hold on one second. Let me see if I can pull this up.

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the cows that i guess are able to survive in minus 75 degree fucking weather that sounds insane to me like the way these people live is like they might as well be on a spaceship somewhere near uranus i mean it doesn't make any sense to me again it has to be just generational that you grow up that's the only yeah they have nobody's going there the body tolerance for that yeah no one's visiting this town yeah um okay so you get out your i'm cold now yeah i know

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So you get out your special and now is it do you find it? I'm sure in some ways it feels good creatively to go out there back on the road. And are you knocking around the new material planning the next special essentially?

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Yeah, I think I don't know who we were. We were talking to me, Sam Morrill, and he was explaining that, like, you know, Led Zeppelin can have one hit and go to her on that hit.

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But he was explaining that, you know, once the hour's out, I can no longer do that material. He's like, I can do some of the best, you know, I can do some of the greatest hits. I can, you know, repurpose a joke here and there or the thing that people like to hear, you know, their favorite, the favorite joke, quote unquote.

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He said, but by and large, I got to come up with a new hour because no one's going to pay to see, no one's going to pay 50 bucks to see me if they know they can watch it on Netflix. It's just not going to happen. Exactly. And that must be tough.

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Yeah, I don't know. I think that would be incredibly difficult to do. You look at Chris Rock. I mean, what would bring the pain was like, killed us all, right? Oh my God, Chris Rock's stalking the stage like that over and over. He didn't come out with a new special until like a decade later. It was like 10 years in between those specials. And he was afforded that opportunity.

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And what did he do in between? I don't know, a few movies and a television appearance here and there. And he just really paid off of that for a long time. But now I think the age of the Internet, because we're all so used to seeing new content every single minute. Social media. Yeah, that we can't just settle down and enjoy. You can't just enjoy what you want, listener.

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The Hustler is the one that she did a couple of years ago was The Hustler. And then Mark Your Territory is the new one. I wanted to mistakenly call it The Hustler, but it's Mark Your Territory is the new special. 800-pound gorilla who is supporting great comedy. 800-pound gorilla has a ton of comedy specials.

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You now get to demand that Kelsey come out with a new hour every 15 minutes. It's not a reasonable expectation. Watch her special and then go buy her tickets. See her do Stairway to Heaven.

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Well, if you ever need any mediocre comedy to distribute on your social media platform, feel free to knock us up. We do like 60 of these shows a week. Oh, my gosh, you guys. Speaking of turning butter, this commercial break. That's for sure. That's amazing, though. Kelsey Cook, brand new special out on YouTube and on Hulu. Yeah.

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We would highly encourage all of our listeners to go listen to the special. And then regardless of whether or not Kelsey's going to do old material or new material, we encourage, and she'll do new material. It's all really funny. It's all funny. You laugh harder in person because that's the way that it is.

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Chad and I... Oh, sorry, go ahead. No, go ahead. You, please.

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Okay, now tell Chad to settle down. There's room for both of you at the top. You guys could be... This could be Desi and Arnaz, right? You know what I'm saying? You guys could be... You guys could be the next power couple out there. Speaking of Justin Timberlake, you could be Brit Lake. I saw you were at the Justin Timberlake concert. Was that you? Yes. Look at you. She's a JT fan.

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Huge JT fan. Lifelong, instant fan, all of it. I do bop my head to his music when the kids play it or Astrid plays it. I do. I can't say I'm the biggest fan, but there are a couple songs. Is it In the Mirror? Looking in the Mirror? Oh, Mirror, yeah. Oh, yeah. He played that on Saturday Night Live once with like a full horn section.

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And I don't know who those people are, but they're doing great work to support good comedians. And I say, yay, sir. Yay to you. So Kelsey will be on in just a few minutes. While we're at it, we'll talk more extensively about this later on in the week. But I wanted to share that on last week's show, we were talking about Love is Blind. Yes. I was talking about Madison.

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Yes, he was really funny on Saturday Night Live. And then he ran that stop sign in Montauk. And then the Hamptons. I know. And then we all turned on Justin. Uber.

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Kelsey, we're going to give you one piece of advice because we've done so many of these stories, it's not even funny. Uber, okay? Thank you. Uber.

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Yes. Tell that manager to get you a drink.

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Yeah, passing out and sleeping are two totally different things. You only know that once you get sober or once you've kind of cleaned up for a while. I haven't had... I don't drink. I mean, I don't drink like... I'm not a teetotaler. I would never, ever not have another drink. That's not, I don't go to AA meetings. But I haven't, because I have children, I haven't had drinks in a long time.

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I haven't gotten drunk in a long time. And I will tell you what, there is something about it that has been quite life altering in so many different ways that are easy to see now in hindsight, but would have been difficult to understand when I was drunk.

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You don't even want, like, it feels so good, you don't want to drink. Like, you're like, oh, I'll do it. Once you get out of the habit. Yeah, do you really want to wake up hungover tomorrow? No, probably not. Right. Because that kid's going to be bouncing on my face at five in the morning and I don't want to deal with it. Thank you, Kelsey. Please tell Chad we said hello. You are welcome here.

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Thank you, guys. Anytime, Kelsey. And we appreciate you coming back. You were one of the few who agreed to it.

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Well, thank you, Kelsey. We hope to see you again soon. Congratulations on all of this success from Chrissy and I and everybody here at TCB. It couldn't have happened to a better person. And onward and upward. This isn't the last stop. We're giving a eulogy, but it isn't the last stop. You're going to keep on going.

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And I was talking about how Madison was having a conversation with one of the guys in the pods. And one of the guys in the pods said,

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Ah, good old Kelsey Cook. I do enjoy me some Kelsey Cook. I do, too. Yeah, she's really, really sweet. She's solid. She's solid. But don't let that fool you. Go to watch her special with your kids' earmuffs on because she's good. I think one of my favorite jokes was using a bidet in the middle of Minneapolis in the winter. It's like getting local anesthesia on your asshole.

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Well, she'll probably unfollow us, too, after this appearance. But we do like Kelsey Cook, and KelseyCook.com is where you get more information about her tour, about her specials, and about her podcast that she shares with that boyfriend. I think maybe in the future, according to her, might be a husband, but we don't care. We like Kelsey either way. And Chad. And Chad.

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started to catch on to her shenanigans a little bit right he and he pushed back he said hey listen i don't think i could deal with the way that you handle things or that doesn't that's not the way that i would handle it that's not the way i would prefer to be handled and so well i don't conflicts i think it was conflicts attachment style yeah yeah conflicts then uh there was another question about sex there was another question about the way that you deal with um

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But Chad hasn't come on the show yet. No. What's up with Chad? Why didn't Chad, didn't we invite him on last time she was here? We said, hey, tell Chad if he wants to come on, he can come on.

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That's right. Yeah. Des Bishop, he's also got his own podcast.

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He was a repeat. Reggie Watts was a repeat. I think there are a couple more repeats. Some of your favorite guests coming back up because they can't get enough of the commercial break. Listen, they all want to be like Kelsey Cook. They all want their careers to go skyrocketing to the moon.

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Yes. Des Bishop, Reggie Watts, Kelsey Cook. Who will be next? Stay tuned. Stay tuned, you. More surprises to come. Anyway, KelseyCook.com. We appreciate her coming in. We really do. And she's welcome anytime. She's one of those. And Des and Reggie are one of those, too. There's lots of them, but there's a couple of them where you're like, yeah, of course. It's too easy to talk to you. I know.

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And then there's a couple that, you know. It's probably a mutual agreement that maybe not. Maybe the commercial break's not the place for me. And I would say, maybe not. You're right. I never thought I'd get to the day where I'd say, well, no thanks, celebrity. Don't come on the show.

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I don't think Heather McMahon is coming back on the show.

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Another one.

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Heather McMahon. Boom. Explosion. Hannah Burner. Kelsey Kirk. Career explosion. In a good way. Yeah. It seems like we have the Midas touch for everybody but ourselves. Exactly.

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The Midas touch for everybody but ourselves. And then I saw Felipe Esparza on Joe Rogan. Now, listen, whatever you think about Joe Rogan, he is sometimes the king of the hill. And to be on his podcast is a big deal. And I just saw him on Joe's podcast.

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A clip of him.

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Rosebud Baker on the Today Show, on the Tonight Show. Yeah. Yeah. Well, maybe there is something to this commercial break. Celebrities pay attention. And you're welcome on. You have to go through our agent, though. Talk to our people. All right, TCB Podcast. Or just call us. We're good. TCBpodcast.com. All the audio, all the video right there at one location.

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And your free swag at the commercial break on Instagram. TCBpodcast on TikTok and YouTube.com slash thecommercialbreak. You know the phone number. Text us questions, comments, concerns, or content ideas. Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

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But I'll tell you that I love you.

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Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe, including Kelsey. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye. Till 30 in the morning!

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The way that you run away when someone does something.

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Avoidance. The way that you don't want your partner to be involved in fixing you. And he just... All these little hints that she was dropping... He kind of picked up on and said, that wouldn't be good for me, actually. I don't like that.

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And kudos to him.

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I agree with you there. I agree. If she was at the bar and they were having that conversation face to face, I said it before, I'll say it again, he would have rolled like a puppy dog. Because those eyes are like, I don't know, like the Cheshire Cat little swirling eyes that hypnotize you. You're like, oh, man.

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But now, because we're talking about it here, my phone's listening, I'm getting all of these reels about Love is Blind. And I come to find out that this guy – and I don't want to give the name away because I want – if you haven't watched Love is Blind, I want you to be able to watch it without interference from Brian –

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But this guy apparently is not the dorky, nerdy kid who he claimed to be, number one. And number two, he's not the nice guy that he claimed to be, according to some people in Minnesota.

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It seems unreal that we would get a twisted story from the producers of such hits as... Baby reindeer. Love is blind. Did you cheat on me lately?

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Ultimatum. Ultimatum.

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Put your loved one in with another attractive human being and see if they have sex.

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It's a terrible idea. But great for TV. Yeah, it's a cheating factory. And by the way, no one that walks into the ultimatum, which is couples, go in together and they get to peruse around the other couples to see if there's someone they like better. No one who's secure in their relationship would ever go on that show. No, no, no, no.

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You think I would bring Astrid into a room full of hot 30-something guys? No, because I don't stand a chance. I don't stand a chance. Actually, I try and keep Astrid out of all rooms with hot 30-something guys. That's it. That's my rules. Those are my rules. But anyway, these women in Minnesota, in Minneapolis, are a-talking. They're a-yapping.

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And there's a through line here because Kelsey Cook is living in Minneapolis. Am I right about this? She is. Okay, she's living in Minneapolis.

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They bought a house together. I won't waste her time on Love is Blind. But just know that there's a through line here. Apparently a lot of the guys that are on Love is Blind this season have a lot of dirt. And there's a lot of people around them that are willing to spill that tea.

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On social media, because there's not one guy who was featured on this show doesn't have some drama about him right now out there on the internet. So while I said this was the slowest season of Love is Blind, it is on the show, but outside the show on social media. Things are just heating up. KelseyCook.com. Go get tour tickets. Check her special out on Hulu or YouTube.

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There are links on her website. We have links in the show notes. And please check out her and Chad's podcast, which is available everywhere you listen to podcasts. Wherever you're listening to us now, you can listen to their podcast. I think that drops weekly. Am I right? I think so. I listened to a couple episodes. I actually thought it was pretty good.

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So, yeah, they have like a little factory, a little comedy factory going on up there in Minneapolis.

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Well, let's see. We'll ask her all about it when we get back. I'll tell you what. Let's do this. Let's take a short break.

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And then when we get back through the magic of telepodcasting, we'll bring Kelsey Cook in and we'll have a conversation. What do you think?

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All right. We'll be back.

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And making a triumphant return to the show is Kelsey.

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And making a triumphant return to the show is Kelsey.

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Well, we couldn't be happier that you agreed to come back on the show. Not something that happens very often. We're surprised. We're surprised.

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Well, we couldn't be happier that you agreed to come back on the show. Not something that happens very often. We're surprised.

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I love it. You know, we often say on the show that there's only two reasons why someone comes on the show. They're on their way up or on their way down. I love it. You are definitely on the way up.

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We were talking just before we started recording. We were sharing that you did a couple of big shows or a big show at the Wilbur in Boston. How long ago was it when we talked to you? Just like six months ago, right?

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Yeah, in six or eight months, you have gone on quite the run. And all credit to you and the comedy that you're putting together, which is resonating with people. And let me ask you this. When you're in this moment, does it feel like things are heating up? Do you get this sense? Like, oh, my gosh, I have a special coming out. I'm selling out shows. I'm doing theaters. Does it feel like that?

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Or is it too fast and furious to take a breath and recognize? Yeah.

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I love it. You know, we often say on the show that there's only two reasons why someone comes on the show. They're on their way up or on their way down. You are definitely on the way up.

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Was the Wilbur or Selling on a Theater like that, was this a storied history? Was that like one of those bucket list things? Like, oh my gosh, I'm standing here in a place where so many other comedians have...

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I am so happy for you. I think that that's really cool. I just enjoy so much watching nice people succeed, good people succeed. I take great pleasure in it. It gives me zero hope that the commercial break will ever get to that level because I'm not a good person.

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A lot worse people. Shitty people deserve love, too.

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Who are the people at the top of the... Whose career do you admire right now? Who do you look at and go, oh my gosh, they're doing such a great job and I aspire to that? Or maybe not even aspire, but you can... I guess you look at them and you go, they've...

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You do such a great job of kind of humanizing Kelly, and I think we need more of that because these are our friends and our neighbors. These aren't strangers. Our friends are neighbors and our family members. I wonder how you feel. I feel that at some point people are going to come home. You know what I'm saying? People are going to come down off the ledge, and we are going to have to –

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kind of like, I don't know, deprogram a little bit. We're going to have to welcome them. And I fear that all the judgment on both sides is making that really hard to do. How do you feel about that?

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That does happen. A thousand percent. Yeah.

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Fair enough. In the run up to the election, did you get the sense that Trump was taking this away?

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Well, I mean, I think that was just the general mood in the room, right? I think even Trump thought Kamala Harris was going to win. But little did we know there was this kind of undertow that was going on with, I think, people that did not squarely fall in the Democratic, in the Democrat Big D camp.

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that they were swinging a different way because they felt like they were left out of the conversation and i also believe that trump showing up in new media new media whatever that means podcast podcast right exactly it's a podcast presidency right that that had a big sway on what happened at the voting booth that people young people who listen to podcasts decided that if my favorite podcaster is on board with trump i am also on board with trump and

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He has a good way of summing things up. And if you haven't seen Channel 5 or All Gas, No Brakes, I highly recommend that you go check out the channel. This will be a show. where we definitely talk about politics because Andrew's new movie, Dear Kelly, is out right now. He had previously a movie with HBO Films called This Place Rules about the lead-up to the January 6th thing that happened.

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Give it a try, right? It's something new. Why not? Be a voter. Did you get that same sense?

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Yes, 100%. I think you nailed this. You know, podcasting in general is a lonely venture because there's no one responding to you. I mean, you can get phone calls and all the other stuff, but you're talking into a microphone and you make an interesting point. What's happening on the other end of that microphone? I have no fucking clue. Do people think I'm their friend? Are they taking me seriously?

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I don't know. And I think... I think you're right about this, is that this long form kind of freewheeling pseudoscience, pseudo spiritual broosphere that's going on certainly helped push Trump over the edge. How are you? How do you feel about Trump giving the. new media, podcasters, a seat at the table when it comes to the White House press briefing room.

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Would you take a seat at that conversation? I think you would be so good at that. How did you get so fucking smart, dude? I'm asking like a serious question.

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Yeah, there's an old saying that I like that is don't meet your heroes. Don't remember your heroes. Don't meet your heroes. But Mr. Shaw, if you're out there, I mean, he lets you go out of school as long as you were back by the 330 bell. What a fucking rock star. That must have had a huge impression on you as a young man. Like, hey, he sees something in me. He's giving me the faith.

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He's giving me the trust to go out there. My teachers... wouldn't even let me out of the front row. I mean, honestly, they wouldn't let me out of the front row.

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But anyway, he had an excellent HBO documentary, and now he has self-produced, self-directed, or Channel 5 has directed a movie called Dear Kelly, where he takes it even a step further, trying to get into the head. of people who have kind of become extreme, who have become super tribalist. And that is not uncommon in our culture today. And I watched Dear Kelly. I got a screener of it.

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That is amazing.

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Teachers can do that, and we need more of the teachers like Mr. Shaw and less of the teachers like I had, which are basically nuns that would whack you across the knuckles if you looked in the wrong direction. I mean, I went to Catholic school growing up, and it was a totally different experience.

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Yeah, I had a bad experience. Well, the Catholics haven't had a great run with children. You know what I'm saying? I'm just throwing that out there. Is Mr. Shaw then... Tell me about you. So you went to Loyola University down in New Orleans and then you started. Is that when you started in earnest kind of getting out there?

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You are like Hunter S. Thompson, but much more clear-headed. You hitchhiked across the country. Yeah. So you must have some story. You must have some story. We I mean, Chrissy and I, we we know a lot of hippies. And so we've seen our fair share of hitchhikers and every hitchhiker has a great story. What is the shadiest situation you got yourself in?

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He was nice enough to send it to me. It's out available now. Go to the Channel 5 YouTube page. You can just go to... I'll put a link in the show notes so you can see it. But Dear Kelly is an excellent movie. It follows around a guy named Kelly who Andrew met chasing kind of Trump and the MAGA crowd around for eight years now.

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Tifton, yeah. Yes, Tifton's a truck stop. That's what it is.

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What's your story?

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TCB Infomercial: Andrew Callaghan

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He was trying to decide the whole time whether or not he was going to hit on you. He's like, is he or is he not? Are you gay? Are you gay? Because if you are, we can stop, pull over, and have sex. And if you're not, I'm just joking. If you're not, this is the funniest prank in Georgia. I'll drop you off right here, son. Yeah, Tipton, Georgia. That is a truck stop, no doubt.

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Yes, those like multi, you know, like they cost a million dollars, those huge trucks that have apartments in the back, those aren't owned by usually by the companies. My brother's a Teamster. He works in the movie business. And he drives trucks. That's what he is. He's a fueler, right? He goes and he refuels everybody around the movie scene. And he tells me that the Teamsters, they have...

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you know, chips or whatever they have at any given moment, they know where he is and what he's doing. And that's just part of the gig. Um, so yeah, I can understand that. So I, I think it takes real balls to hitchhike. Actually, I've done it once and it was the scariest and there was two of us and it was the scariest experience I had ever had. And I had had some really fucking scary experiences.

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Uh, and I just got, I was like, yeah, I don't think I'm, I don't think I'm in for this. I No, I wasn't cut out for it, but it didn't help that the guy was a total, the driver that picked us up was a total maniac with a lot of road rage.

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We were in Colorado when we had that experience.

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We were driving from Denver North.

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No, we were not in the mountains.

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And he met this guy and he really wanted to understand why Kelly had gotten so radicalized so quickly. Seemingly normal guy. And he really gets to the bottom of it. He gets to the heart of it. And then he takes it even a step further. by trying to help Kelly piece his life back together. Kelly has lost his family. He has lost his friends. He has lost his house, his job.

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Savior complex.

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TCB Infomercial: Andrew Callaghan

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Yeah, yeah. Someone with a savior complex or wants to preach about God for 35 minutes. Or have sex with you. Yeah, or have sex with you. Or all those things at the same time.

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I'd be lucky if I, at that age, I would have been lucky if anybody wanted to have sex with me. Tell me, tell me about, so you go from, you do these like quarter confessions, right? Which is you down in New Orleans and you're kind of cutting your teeth and getting this very unique style of interviewing people, which I would say you're kind of a non-obstructionist.

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You ask a question, you let someone hang themselves with their own words, so to speak. I don't want to say hang themselves always. It doesn't always happen.

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TCB Infomercial: Andrew Callaghan

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yeah yeah and so now yeah now you're now you now you're a noted journalist right so i think now you know how to operate um very well with the microphone and around whoever it is you're interviewing to get what you want out of them or to get them to give you whatever's going on in their head right what happened with no gas with all gas no brakes which was just i think probably what a lot of people would have started knowing you from

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Jesus Christ, really?

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And I think, and I'd like to talk to Andrew about this and get his thoughts. I have that kind of this unscientific theory that the tribalism that we're experiencing today on both sides has a lot to do with a pandemic that is happening called loneliness, desperation, and the need to feel like we're a part of something. Part of something, yeah.

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They immediately fired you. Thank you. Thank you.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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And I think Kelly kind of is this in action, my theory in action, because that's where Kelly finds himself. He loses his house and he finds himself in a really bad way. And he kind of buries himself into a lot of theories and political talk and political action that he feels there's a bad guy and he can help take that bad guy down. But that bad guy is very nebulous. It's just a thing, right?

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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Thank you.

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TCB Infomercial: Andrew Callaghan

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And so... You know, while we tend not to talk about politics on the commercial break, we've loosened those rules up a little bit. And there's some of you that don't like that. And I get that. So I'm letting you know right now, this is not the episode for you.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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TCB Infomercial: Andrew Callaghan

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Yeah, we're not talking about ice penises today. No ice penis today. We're going straight for it. But I really feel like Andrew is an important journalist. I think Dear Kelly is an important movie. And when given the opportunity, I, of course, wanted to invite him onto the show just to talk to him. So this will be a more serious episode of the commercial break. This will be the one.

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, . . . . .. a, P. P. P. P. P. P. P,實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a Laboratory a , . . . .. a, P. P. P. P. P. P,實, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a in in in in in in in in in in in in in in and. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. G.G P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. inpl.

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P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P If it's Alex Jones, probably not going to be so excited about it. Anyway, TCBpodcast.com. That's where you go for more information about the show, all the show notes, all the links to all of our guests' information, all of their to-dos, all of their events, all of their tickets. Andrew's movie.

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It's all there. Just check out the show notes on each particular page. You can go to the website and check that out. All the audio, all the video right there from one location. Also, hit the contact us button. We give you free swag. No muss, no fuss. Give us your physical address and we will send you a sticker, a hat, a t-shirt, a cup, a mug. A broken sock from Brian.

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The one episode. Okay? I promise we'll get back to ice penises tomorrow. So, Dear Kelly, Channel 5, all gas, no brakes, quarter confessionals, all of that stuff. Andrew has been a journalist since he was a wee bitty little kid in high school, full ride to Loyola University, a media scholarship, a journalism scholarship. And he has done something very interesting.

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A sock with a hole. These don't have them, but man, I go through more socks. Really? I do. I'm a heel walker. I'm a heel walker. Yeah, I can't keep a pair of socks more than two weeks. We have to buy socks. Amazon is on subscription. I just keep getting socks. And I go through them. I throw away more socks than I know what to do with. Anyway, TCBpodcast.com. You know how to do it. 212-433-3822.

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212-433-3TCB. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. We do take them all. Voicemail or text message. We'll get back to you. Add the commercial break on Instagram. TCBpodcast on TikTok. And YouTube.com slash TCBpodcast. The Commercial Break. For every single episode of the Commercial Break, now available on video. And...

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this episode included you want to see andrew's young smiling face at his brand new headquarters and his brand new headquarters check that out all right well best of luck to andrew on his movie christy that's all i can do for now i think so i love you i love you best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe thanks for sticking with us until next time we do say we must say we will say goodbye

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ED, I have it.

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He is one of these people who is out there. You know, we talk a lot about new media and the fact that there's going to be possibly Joe Rogan sitting at the White House press briefings and how this was the podcast election and all of this.

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TCB Infomercial: Andrew Callaghan

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Andrew is very much, I think, a part of this and maybe one of the first to do it, I think, pretty impartially and really, really well to get in there and to document our culture as it's happening without a lot of judgment and put his finger on what's going on. So love him or hate him, Andrew Callahan, and I like him. Andrew Callahan is coming up from Channel 5. It's a new movie. Dear Kelly, we're

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going to talk all about it why don't we do this let's take a break chrissy okay and through the magic of telepodcasting you just turned off the show i just heard half our audience leave we'll get through it together i promise this is worth the why this is worth the listen i promise we'll take a break we'll be back with andrew

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Andrew, thank you so much for joining us today. We're really grateful for your time.

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TCB Infomercial: Andrew Callaghan

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Yeah, it is a great city. You were just doing a... Were you talking about the underground Screamo scene here at one point?

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TCB Infomercial: Andrew Callaghan

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All right, you come here, and I'll take you to the best burger place in the world. Let's go. Okay, Andrew, quarter confessions, all gas, no brakes, now Channel 5. You, of course, did the incredible documentary with HBO. It was really good. I thought it did a better job of any of the...

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TCB Infomercial: Andrew Callaghan

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There was so much press and there was so much material and so much documenting of what led up to the January 6th event, whatever, you know, if you're on one side, it's a tour. If you're on the other side, it's a riot. Whatever you think about that, it certainly was a moment in history that you probably will never forget where you were when you're watching those images go down.

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And you did such an incredible job of documenting that in a way that even though I know that you, and I want to talk about this too, even though in a way you had to spin it a little bit, it really was, You did a great job of catching the mood of the moment, documenting the culture and the attitudes that were going on right in the emotion and the heat of it without getting caught up in it.

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Is that a difficult thing to do?

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Yeah. I didn't, I didn't come away from that with a feeling. I came away from it with a feeling that, and when dear Kelly is his, uh, brand new documentary that has been self-produced and self-directed, uh, Which is so fantastic. But at the beginning, you kind of preface it by saying, hey, listen, HBO made me do some outtakes, some spin outtakes that were on there.

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But I didn't come away with a feeling that you weren't proud of it. I just I came away with the feeling that you wanted to come clean a little bit.

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A hundred percent. A hundred percent.

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TCB Infomercial: Andrew Callaghan

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A hundred percent. Did Tim and Eric, like, is that Heidecker? Yeah. Okay. And so Tim, They just felt strongly that they wanted to make it clear that this was not in favor of the January 6th events.

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Oh yeah, Captain Kittens, welcome back to another episode of The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green, this is my dear friend and the co-host of the show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. I'll start it off saying it right now, ahead of time, as all the kids like to say, trigger warning. on this episode.

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So you do a great, incredible job of documenting what leads up to these events. And Dear Kelly is part two, but it's almost... I don't know. It's almost like a pre-log. You are getting... You answer the question, what happened? Now you want to answer the question, how did we get here? And in Dear Kelly, I think you do... I think this is really an important piece of...

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of film, if I'm being real honest. I don't want to be hyperbolic about it, but it's important because I think you do the best job yet that I have seen of understanding why this tribalism and extremism is happening. I have had this unscientific theory for a long time that loneliness, desperation, and a feeling of wanting to belong to something has been causing this. And Kelly, is this in action?

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It's this in real life. And you really get to the bottom of it.

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TCB Infomercial with Andrew Callahan from Channel 5 News. All gas, no brakes. Quarter confessions. He is a journalist of our time. He is a new media journalist doing a blog and YouTube. Doing it really well. I think he's one of the I'll say this. I think he's one of the more important documentarians of our time because he kind of, he just gets into the heart of it.

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And he loses his family and he loses his home and he falls victim to unscrupulous lenders. And I also have this unscientific theory, and I think this would hold true for a lot of people our age, right? Which is when you get older, you become a little bit more isolated. You don't go to as many social events. Life gets harder to make friends.

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And so if you are in a position where you lose things and you lose people and you lose friends and you lose material things, loneliness is a pandemic. It's a pandemic that I think affects. But this is also true for young people.

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men too, I think, especially men is that, you know, when you're lonely and you don't have anyone to reach out to, and then you, someone reaches out or you find something that you connect with, there is a real sense of belonging. And now you have something to fight against. You're fighting the good fight. And, um, I wonder how you feel, Andrew.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1051.71

Er hat einen siebten. Wir sind nur halbwegs durch. Tut mir leid. Es ist lustig. Es ist so lustig.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1106.856

This is literally, this guy is telling you what went down. What happened?

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1122.384

Du bist aufmerksam. Dieser Typ ist so emotional unbewusst, dass der einzige Weg, mit dem er die Emotionen von dem, was ihm passiert ist, ist, dass er es nicht kann. Frank, wenn deine Frau es wirklich gemacht hat. Ja, sorry about that.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1132.349

Aber jetzt bist du einfach so wütend und wütend darüber, dass das Einzige, was du tun kannst, ist, auf YouTube zu gehen und öffentliche Videos zu machen, die dich und hot junge Frauen zeigen.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1142.513

Ich warte auf ihn, um ihn durch einen Wallen zu brechen, wie der Fruchtpunsch-Typ.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1200.336

If you feel a disconnection from your wife, you have bigger problems.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1208.604

I feel a disconnection from Frank and I'm just a guy listening on his YouTube channel.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1215.55

I've left this whole thing intact, basically. Because there's a reason. He just said, if a woman stops paying attention to you, then you're in real trouble. But we'll listen to a future point and see why Frank is contradicting himself all through this video. Oder eine Frau, es könnte eine Frau sein, du weißt es nie. Frank ist wirklich... Er ist so wütend über das Team.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

122.383

Als ich die neue Enzyklopädie des Kommerzialbreak, ChatTCB, gefragt habe, was der am meisten gesprochen und beantragte Thema auf dem Kommerzialbreak ist, kam Nummer drei unser guter Freund Frank. Und wir haben es bis zum Ende gemacht. Und obwohl es nicht genau ein Wasserfall von neuem Content von Frankie B. war, haben wir ein paar kurze Videos von ihm im letzten Monat.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1261.545

Vielleicht will die Frau nur ein bisschen Selbstvertrauen haben. Vielleicht will sie nur schön aussehen. Hast du das je gedacht? Frank hat einen emotionalen Block in seinem Kopf. Es ist wie ein 2-Tonnen-Barbell, der durch Franks Spinalchor steckt. Ist Abdullah Mambiamlada.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1295.999

She's got a thong bikini that she wears to pick up the kids from school.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1332.398

You're getting a pinky in the asshole. That makes no sense. That makes no sense, Frank. You just said that if she stops paying attention to you, if you feel disconnected, that's a sign. But now the sign is, if she's paying attention to you, get your story straight.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1348.504

You know, right before Frank's ex, one of Frank's ex-wives delivered him, I feel like this probably happened multiple times to Frank, actually. I feel like Frank is like a six-wife kind of guy, and they get younger each time he gets married. I feel like right... So what a Larry King of nine wives. That's crazy. Nine lives and nine wives.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1366.052

I feel like right before she handed him the divorce papers, she gave him a blowjob with a pinky in the ass and he was like, wow, never had that before.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1409.595

Living with this guy must be like just a roller coaster.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1420.648

Oh, no, no, no.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1422.81

I'm only a couple of episodes... There's episodes. I'm only a couple of episodes into Frank. Frank has 75 videos.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1431.291

And so there's so much more to dig in here. And so I have a feeling that in Season 2, we're at least three Frank episodes. Yeah, we gotta be. I'm putting it on the calendar. We gotta be three Frank episodes. Whether that be a Patreon episode, a regular episode, whatever. This is just classic. Classic Frank. This is like classic douchebaggery. This is the definition of a fucking lug nut.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1482.842

They were probably like, you're getting what you deserve, you chauvinistic fucktwad.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1492.889

Well, he's doing that to get back at all the women who cheated on him to show them that he's doing fine.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1512.175

This video is sponsored by Private Core. O'Hare Jackrabbit vibrating cock ring with extender.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

152.06

However, there was a time in Frankie's history and in the commercial breaks history when there was a new video out almost daily. As my grandfather said, that made for good groceries. And Chrissy and I ate on those groceries and ate on those groceries and ate on those groceries. So, when I asked... Bis zum nächsten Mal.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1549.5

I have a hard time believing that Frank ever let his wife out of the house for work. Sure you can have a job, honey. Polish my balls. Polish my balls.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1629.497

Hey there, cats and kittens. I want to tell you about a podcast from HeadGum I think you're gonna like. It's Handsome with Tig Notaro, Fortune Fimster and Mae Martin. Two of those people have appeared here on the commercial break. The third is conspicuously absent and I will be following up.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1646.831

Every week the Handsome hosts field a question from a friend and attempt to answer it together, covering every subject you could think of. From psychic experiences and reoccurring dreams to Just like the commercial break does. Handsome is a great podcast with two of the three hosts being some of our favorite guests. And I will work on Mae Martin.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1685.989

Subscribe to Handsome wherever you listen to podcasts and check out the full episodes on YouTube. New episodes drop every Tuesday and Friday. HeadGum.com slash Handsome for a full episode list.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1718.956

All of a sudden she's making her own money? You're fucked. She's got friends from the gym and from life and school friends.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1761.903

Double check the GPS, make sure it's working. Backup generator on the ankle monitor.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1772.569

You could get ghost. Get ghost. It's like get lost, but get ghost. That's our new term. We're going to say get lost and somebody will be like, get ghost. Get ghost. That means take me off your Facebook page forever. If you're married and your wife takes you off her Facebook page and blocks you, you're probably getting cheated on.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1885.646

Yeah, and listen, if you need to come home without alcohol in your breath, because that's a demand of your wife, you've got bigger problems than when she's cheating on you. You've got to go to rehab, dude. Es macht einfach keinen Sinn. Frank, das macht keinen Sinn. Du erzählst deine Lebensgeschichte. Sie hat ein Homecooked-Dinner für dich gemacht.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1910.022

So transparent, Mann.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1925.162

See if they're giving you resistance. This is 2021. Where are we living? In Iran? See if they give you resistance.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

194.199

So at the expense of being meta-meta, I am gonna run that episode almost unedited. So everything you hear after this intro is from early 2021. I will only adjust it in two ways. I will cut out the old phone numbers so you don't call them.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1949.147

Oh, thank God. I don't know how much more I can take, Frank. Oh my God, dude. That's the creepiest, creepiest, creepiest thing. I mean, listen, it's great entertainment. You gotta hear it. Frank Bernardo, for those of you that don't know, is an expert in all things over 50. He's an all things over 50 kind of guy.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1968.2

He's going to tell you about grooming, style, the gym, women, love, low T, high T, under T, estrogen. Frank has lived a life. And Frank wants to share those experiences with all 1,200 of his subscribers. And so he puts out these videos on a regular basis. And I just find them to be the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen. Not because I don't believe that men over 50 should live a life.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1992.412

I mean, I'm right around the corner, right?

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

1997.875

He's the man to tell them how to do it and with horrible advice to boot. You ready? Let's get into this video. We're going to talk about dating in your 50s. Ready? Here we go.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

2032.633

Frank has done the research himself and he knows that there's millions and millions of men over 50 that are hitting the dating scene right now as we speak.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

2047.3

Does your dick still work? Do you remember how to date? I mean, I get it. I get the premise of the question.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

2053.997

But are you prepared? Like what? You got to get a kit together or something? Pack a bag?

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

2070.048

Here we go. Do you remember how to look? Do you remember how to look? I mean, unless you're blind, I'm sure you remember how to look, right? Das ist so, wie es funktioniert.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

210.046

Und ich werde Rachel's Liners hinzufügen, wo sie dir sagt, wo du gerade gehst, damit du nicht einen Jungen in Iowa textest, der mich nicht mein Telefonnummer zurückgeben wird. Anyway, that's a joke you won't get unless you listen to TCB's Endless Day. I'm going to be screaming right in your face from the very start of this episode.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

2110.218

Get in shape, shave your body. Yeah, that's right. Get your Viagra. Get your nose hairs. Get a lunchbox together. Sounds like Frank is gonna climb Mount Everest, not go on a date. Well, guys, if you... By the way, if the intended purpose is to make people relax about going back out into the dating scene, Frank, you're doing the exact opposite.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

2128.568

You're making people scared of going in the dating scene.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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I don't remember how to look. I'm not in shape. I haven't put deodorant on since 1983. I haven't groomed. I don't even know what a boner is anymore. I've been living in a cave. What do women look like? A vagina? What's that? You mean their flower?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Erinnere dich. Es klingt, als ob Frank ein A-Ball ist. Ich bin nur ehrlich.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Fuck Frank, come on, give somebody some hope, man.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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You're looking for a younger woman, right? Okay, here we go. Now Frank automatically starts going off the charts. Now I want to preface this by saying, I've seen this video a couple times. Frank is going to start talking about a younger woman by saying that if you're 60 and you're looking for a woman in their 50s, but we all know what Frank means.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Frank means if you're 50 and you're looking for a 22-year-old. Because if you watch his videos, that's all he hangs around, is girls in their 20s and 30s. So Frank is trying not to be creepy, but trust me, there's a creep factor here. Come on, we're human in this video. Come on, we're human. Did he say human? Yeah, human. He also said a shame of.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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So Frank goes, come on, you know, we're all looking for younger women. Come on, we're human. Come on, we're pedophiles. I mean, what the fuck, Frank? I get it. I understand, right? We're all looking for the younger model, right? When we're single. But it just starts to sound a little creepy when you put it like that. Come on, we're human. It's like that guy from the Oatly commercial.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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And excuse the audio quality, because in 2021 we are a long way from where we are today. We will be back tomorrow with a brand new episode. of the commercial break. Until then, bye.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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It's like Malcolm. but for oomans. Es gibt ein paar Dinge über ein YouTube-Video, die du kennenlernen musst, diese Art von YouTube-Videos, wo du Informationen wie diese gibst. Zuerst einmal musst du dein Intro viel kürzer machen als das. Ich meine, er hat schon zwei Minuten gesprochen und wir haben noch nicht angefangen, das Video noch zu machen.

The Commercial Break

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Zweitens, du hast Erwartungen auf das, was du während des Videos erzeugen wirst, richtig? Wir haben Erwartungen auf das, dass wir nichts erzeugen werden. Also ist es klar, dass nichts aus dem Video kommt. Richtig. But Frank is now setting the expectation that he's going to show you, you know, how to date, how to groom, how to do all this.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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I promise you in the next six minutes of this video, Frank is going to show you none of that. He's just going to start talking and go down a rabbit hole. So just get prepared.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Okay, now here's Frank's theme song, which is like... Oh my God, that's a theme song. If you could just see the beginning of it. I mean, I'm going to put it right up here in a little box right here. So if you're seeing this little box right here, go to YouTube. What's that?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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It's metal, but it's more like Foo Fighters type bullshit, right? But it's not Foo Fighters, I can guarantee. I don't know.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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I mean, this is something straight out of 2001, right? This is like Limp Bizkit type bullshit.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Follow these steps.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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But I'm never gonna tell you. That's right. I can't tell you because I have the inability to stop talking. You're gonna have to buy my kit. That's right. I practiced this video seven times in front of the mirror. Still don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Just angry my wife left me for the pool boy. Oh my god, such bad music.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Wow! I got scared last night when I was listening on the headphones. I was like, whoa! Don't yell at me, Frank. Because he's got this little opening and then he comes right at you and his face is like, what's up everybody?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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And I know that, you know, you're just trying to put it all together. And I've done the same thing. I'm guilty of it, right? Saying welcome and hello a couple of different times. But you don't need to welcome people to the video when they're three and a half minutes in, Frank. Don't do that.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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I'll consult with you. I'd love to have you on the show, actually. If you somehow have seen this video, I'd love to have you on the show at the commercial break on Instagram. Hit me up on DM.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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A quick hit video that's already six and a half minutes in. Du hast uns viermal willkommen. Du hast uns versprochen, was du uns erzählen wirst. Du hast uns erzählt, was die Geschichte ist. Du hast uns gesagt, dass du deinen Kanal abonnieren sollst. Jetzt gehen wir zum Inhalt. Komm schon, Frank. Ich bin so interessiert.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Wie können Männer unter 50, über 50, die 20-jährige Frau, die sie suchen, finden?

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Frank, we know what number you're really talking about. It's 30 years younger. No man in his 50s or 60s who's like Frank is sitting there going... Who's subscribed to this channel. That's right. Good one, Chris. High five. Alright, I like that. Catch that high five on YouTube. Welcome to the video! It's like a Dr. Phil show. It just keeps going to break. Never get to the point. You're right.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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People who have subscribed to this video, I can guarantee you, when you say younger woman, what is in their head is not somebody in their 50s. It is somebody in their 20s. Or maybe 30s. Maybe 30s.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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How do you feel? What? She says, I find you interesting. I wish that opening line would come my way when I wasn't dating. I find you interesting and sexy.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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I'm not going casket shopping with that old witch.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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If you get something with a vagina, I consider that in the plus section. But hey, or a penis, who knows? Listen, I think this advice pretty much, this kind of advice, this kind of clarity from a man with such wisdom transcends sexual preference. It doesn't matter. Transgender, gay, straight, whatever it is, Frank's advice is stuff you can take to the bank. Consider it gold.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Fuck no, you old hag! If some woman texted me and said, I find you interesting and sexy, and I went, fuck no! What if I just see Frank at the bar, like at the bar, and he's got, you know, these 20-year-old waitresses just basically taking his money right out of his hand, you know? Tipping them $100 at a time, because that's who Frank is, and that's how I get younger women. Right?

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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And then some old lady comes up and goes, wow, Frank, I've been watching you. I find you sexy and interesting. Fuck, no! Get out of here! Get out of here! You old hag! Who do you think I am? I'm Frank Bernardo. Have you seen my YouTube channel? I have 600 subscribers. And 400 videos. All highly produced. I spent 10 grand a piece on those videos to get a camera crew and everything.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Yeah, that's right. And the Foo Fighters lookalike band. I wonder how he licensed that music. YouTube is very strict about that stuff. I wonder what song that actually is. I'll look into that. It could have been created just for Frank. Yeah, I guess it could. Like an out of work band from the 2000s. And Frank's like, can you guys get back together and do that one hit that was awesome.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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I want that to be my theme song. Because Frank was 30 back then.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Jeez, okay, Frank, we get the point. God damn. Make everyone feel warm and fuzzy. I mean, please, Frank. You're not dead. You're 70. Fucking Christ. What dating advice do you give to those who are 70? You're dead.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Oh my God. I think that probably half of the 1,200 subscribers are doing exactly what we're doing. I would imagine that there's many other podcasts that have Frank on the radar. It's just too good. He's setting up jokes every five seconds and you just can't help.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Frank. What she's thinking is, oh my god, a man my age is actually not looking at 20-year-olds. Yes, a meaningful relationship, possibly.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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You know what? I think you and I should do a show. ...where we combat some of Frank's bullshit. We should do seven signs of a healthy relationship that you're not being cheated on. And then, you know, how to date in your, you know, whatever, 30s or 40s. Listen, here's the point. Frank is like, Frank has made us a bunch of promises at the beginning of this video.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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We're already seven minutes, six or seven minutes into this. And he has yet to talk about any of them. All he's doing is giving his opinion about what would happen if a 70-year-old decided to click on his profile. Not your profile, his profile. Because one thing Frank is, is very transparent. If Frank is saying it, it means he feels it, right?

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Not that the whole world feels it, but that he feels it. Okay.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Oh, Alison, guess what? I got a 16-year-old after me. Do you think a 20-year-old is doing that? Guess what? I got this old hag giving me $100 a pop every time he comes to the bar. Exactly. You know that guy with the greasy hair? And he's wearing... Says he knows Foo Fighter 2. He's wearing the Tommy John jeans. He's got that band that follows him around playing music all the time.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Frank just has a band behind him, like the mariachi band. But like the old Foo Fighters, like the cover band. Hey guys, can you play my theme song real quick? There's a hot girl over there. I'm gonna walk into the room with my tight jeans and my muscle shirt. My hair slicked back. I'm wearing Drakkar Noor. Hahaha. Oh, remember Drakar? I do. What a scourge on the earth.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Not only don't want to subscribe, but I'm horny. I'm just horny because of this guy's talking. I want you to know that Frank's channel, if you can find Frank Bernardo's channel on YouTube, he's got many, many videos. You can't see it because you're listening to this on a podcast unless you're watching YouTube, and I can't play it because it's someone else's YouTube video.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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I don't even think it exists anymore. It must. There must be somebody with an old bottle of Drakar. If you've got a bottle of Drakar, can you please send it to me? I'd like to remember how it smelled. Because I remember that my friend got his... I was 12 or 13 years old and my friend Phillip got a bottle of Drakar from his parents.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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But I didn't wear cologne because my parents didn't give us cologne. And that's not that we couldn't, it's just that we didn't. And we sprayed that shit on it as if...

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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That's right. We thought that it was like a light for insects, like it was a magnet. What it really was was a force field against getting laid.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

3060.633

What is that? Did you rub bear shit on yourself? Because, I don't know, it smells a little weird. That's Jakarta ore. Oh mein Gott.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Frank's just over-exaggerating to make a point here, but the truth is, it doesn't matter what age you are and what age you're going after. If you're excited about someone, you're excited about someone.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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It doesn't matter how old they are.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Yeah, absolutely. I agree with you 100%.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Oh, gross. This is all gross. It's all so gross. You better be spot on. You better have a rock hard penis the second you walk in the door.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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That's right. Absolutely, holy. You do your testosterone regimen. Yeah, double up on your testosterone regimen. Take two Viagra. That's spot on. That's spot on. You better shave every hair off your body. You better look like a 20-year-old porn star when you get into the bedroom so she knows you're rock hard and ready. How excited is she?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

3161.291

She's going to call her friends when she finds out you can get a full erection.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Listen, you know, you give a little, you take a little.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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I mean, I guess I could, but... He has a channel and he focuses on entertainment, fitness, food, women... Grooming. Fashion. Styling. Men with low T. Men with low T. And he reptiled his function. This guy, his opening montage, it just comes up and it says, Frank Bernardo. Fashion. Frank Bernardo. Grooming. Fashion expert. He's an all-around expert on everything over 50. If you have a dick.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

3201.082

We still haven't answered one question about how you prepare yourself. He said, you better be spot on. What exactly does that mean? You told them to get in shape. What do you expect? Everyone's just going to get up and start lifting weights? They don't have a fucking life? They're going to start spending all day at the gym, at the hairstylist, making videos about my ex-wife cheating on me?

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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I mean, come on, Frank.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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What are you doing?

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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You were talking in fucking circles. Yeah, he's way spiraling. And the part that makes me upset, Frank, is that you probably paid a production company a lot of money to record this video and edit it for you, right? I could be wrong about that, but I'm just assuming the quality of the video. Okay, so tell them how to convince...

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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When you send out mailers for dates these days, you get very little response. I don't know what's happening. Back in the 80s, I used to get a ton of pussy just sending out mailers. I'd put a picture in my face and I'd say, no low T here.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Oh mein Gott, Frank, du gibst mir immer das gleiche Beispiel. Zuerst einmal, wir wissen, dass du nicht über 50-Jährige sprichst. Du sprichst über 20-Jährige. Zweitens, was ist ein magischer Nummer zwischen 50 und 60? Warum sagst du immer, dass es ein magischer Nummer zwischen 50 und 60 gibt? Es gibt ein kleines Fenster. Lass uns einige Ziele setzen. Du machst es nicht. Ich habe nichts gelernt.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Ich habe nichts gelernt, Jackie Weaver.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Sie ist bereit, ihren Vater mit Frankie B. zu hüpfen, aber Frankie B. hat bis jetzt nicht gesagt, dass wenn eine Frau ihr Handy am Abend schickt, sie dich verletzt. And a 50-year-old woman that's getting hit on by a 60-year-old is going to call her parents and tell them, hey, you mom, I got a 60-year-old on the hook. I can die in peace.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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He's my forever man. That's great, Jill. All I wanted for you was a 60-year-old man. Now I can die in peace. You've done it.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Nimm es von Frank. You can take this advice to the bank. What advice? I don't know, because he hasn't given any, but take it from Frank. There are hot women in their 60s, 70s and 80s. It sounds like a radio station. There's a radio contest.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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We're playing all the hits from yesterday and today on Frankie B. Fashion, lifestyle, fucking, cheating, grooming. Dating women in their 50s. There are women out there that take care of themselves. There are women out there that take care of themselves? You don't say. You are such a fucking chauvinist, Frank.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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You notice how his voice raises the more bullshitty he gets?

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Now he's saying, you want to date the younger women because we're just human. That's all we're going to look at is the younger women. Now we're going to open it up. Now we're not going to go 10 years. We're going to go 15 years one way or the other. So you can get down to 45 or you can get down to 72.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Oh my God, Frank, you're just dying. You're killing me, bud.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Oh my God, Frank, you gotta give people advice here, bud. You gotta step in with some actual advice. You're assuming that someone can get a first date based on the non-information that you've given them so far. Basically what they have to do is they have to take and make a graph chart, put their age right here and go 15 years this way or 15 years that way.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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That's the advice you've given them so far, Frank, is a math equation. Well, Again, you better be spot on.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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That's advice you can take to the bank. There you have it. I love how he says it. There you have it. No, there you have nothing, Frank.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Oh, they're onto the game of a rich guy showering them with money? I'm on to you. You want to take me to the Maldives this weekend? I am on to you. No, sir. I'm not going to be tricked by that one again.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Good dinners. That's right. I had a man who bought me a yacht once and I will not be fooled again. I will not be gifted one more Mercedes.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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I will not be gifted one more Mercedes. It will not happen. Okay, they're not going to be bought.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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I'm going to disagree with you, Frank. I'm going to disagree with you, bud. And that works both ways, by the way.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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And you roll it right down. Stick up. You thought it was a second date. You were so spot on, I gave you a second date, but now it's just a hold up. Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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If you're giving them money, they're going to take it and use it. They're sneaky. They're women. They're gonna ask you questions. Trust me. I know a lot of women and they ask questions. Yeah. Trust me. Watch this. They walk in the door for the second date. First, they're gonna ask a question like, how was your day? Don't say a fucking word. It's a trap.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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This is like a huge assumption to make. I mean, is he talking to me and Henry? I think he's talking to everybody. Oh, well, that doesn't even bring Henry into this conversation, because then we got two fucknuts talking at the same time.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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They know you have money when they ask you those kind of questions. When you say my day was great, they're gonna know you're loaded. But they're on to you. They're on to you. They know you're about to give them money. Frank, du bist out of control, buddy. First of all, I want to say, you're kind of cute, Frank, and kind of funny, until you make comments like, they're women.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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You're a douche, so there you go. You're Frank, you're a douche. You're Frank, you're Bernardo, you're a douche. Yeah, come on, Frank, leave that kind of shit out of the videos. They're gonna surprise you. Sneak attack. Meow! Bam! They're gonna jump through your window.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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To give you that money back that you gave them. They're going to come in with the keys to the Mercedes and go, I'm on to you. You're going to be like, whoa. Shit didn't work. I was going to give her that Mercedes. She jumped right in the window. Scared the hell out of me.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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I've had two heart attacks already from women jumping out of the rafters. They just come out of nowhere and ask you a question.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Where are we on the graph? I'm following Frank here. I don't know. I'm trying to keep up, Frank. I really am. This is how they do it.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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I thought you said you're going to be good. No, you're going to be gone. You're going to be good. No, he said you're going to be gone, which is the opposite of what's going to happen. Yeah, come on, Frank. Anybody wants to have a partner that's stable. Exactly.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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You're one step ahead of the game.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

401.28

Guys, she... Wait, women are having full-blown affairs? Is this true? Absolutely. Not in my country. This guy is out of his mind. What is he talking about? Women are sexting and having fun on the first. Women do not even have phones. This is crazy talk. This is crazy business. This guy is out of his guard. Keep going. I'm having a good laugh over here. Okay, okay.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Dress like a homeless person, but you know, a homeless person that smells good with muscles. Oh,

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Was? Er versucht es jetzt zu beenden.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4068.915

Yeah, we're at the date range of surprise questions and sneak attacks.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4146.463

Yeah, that was a quick hit video. Just doing a quick hit video real quick.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4151.084

22 minutes of your time. Do you have your projector? And I don't mean the kind that actually projects. I mean like the projector for math problems. Remember?

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Yes, the circle. Can you get out your calculus calculator? Yeah, you're going to need it.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Well, I found nothing informational, Frank. I found it highly entertaining. Ready?

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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I just imagine that Frank is, like, this is his, like, when his phone goes off in the morning. That's the song.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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I'm gonna go polish, I'm gonna go polish my Corvette again. Outside with my shirt off. Oh Gott, du hast gerade... Was ist los, Leute? Was ist los, Leute? Ich liebe es, dass er in der letzten Partie gesagt hat, du schießt auf deinen Arsch.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Frankie, das ist so transparent, dass Frankie in diesem Manor geschehen ist. Was Frankie in diesen Videos sagt, ich schätze nur, dass Frankie eine Ex-Wife hat, die genau das gemacht hat, was er sagt, du solltest dich aufschauen. Weil wie sonst würde er diese Information wissen? Und es ist so spezifisch.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4263.958

If she takes out her phone at Ruby Tuesdays on a Thursday night at 7.45pm in booth number three... She's cheating on us! She's cheating on you!

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4300.677

Remember that was one. If she goes to the gym. If she goes to the gym. Half the women in America. What are you talking about?

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4335.59

mediterranean cuisine ring lights cameras televisions soundproofing guitars chairs i'm just now i'm just naming things in the studio lots of wires fire hazards remember the time the panel came down yes i did or the fan was falling apart screws were falling from the fan Oh, there's probably that kid who's like, you guys are fucking dicks, I hope you die in your studio.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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I hope your fan decapitates you. Es ist wahr. Mein Sohn kommt hierher. Er hat einen Scheiß-Fitz. Jedes Mal, wenn wir ins Studio kommen. Es ist wahr. Er kann es nicht. Das Einzige, was er im Leben tun möchte, ist, in dem Studio zu sein mit Chrissy und Daddy.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

439.121

Wait, hold on. You can literally roll back the hands of time. I'm going to show you how to time travel right now.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Du willst sie am meisten. Also hatten wir die Tür geschlossen. Also haben wir einen kleinen Locken am Topf, den du schlägst, richtig? Und mein größter Schmerz ist, dass der Fenster-Fan auf Feuer setzt. Ja.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4403.808

All the soundproofing goes aflame and we can't get out. It's like a Whitesnake-Concert. And then it's being broadcast. TCB, Episode 3312. The gang dies. You guys are fucking... Oh, it works. I wanted you guys to die and it worked.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Back to Frank.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Yeah, listen, I know that I'm really, this content is geared toward people in their 70s. But if you're in your 40s, wait, wait, wait, wait, hold on, hold on. I need your subscription. I'm almost there. I'm almost to a thousand. You know when the odometer rolls over to 999? I've been there for 12 miles. Don't worry, Frankie, so it's the commercial break.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4482.363

You're the kind of dumbass no one cares about. Excuse me, you're the kind of badass that no one cares about. There are two kinds of badasses in the world, me and all the other shitheads.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4516.064

That's right. Gets your blood faster. Your tasty testicles. Your testicle taste buds.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4532.815

I don't know. You've never stated. I'm guessing 65, probably. And he looks good for 65. Yeah, no, he does. That's why he wants people to look at his body. I guess whatever he's drinking, like amniotic fluid or something and splashing it out of his face every morning. I use pure placenta on my eyes.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4572.838

So Frankie is constantly talking about another videos that are not as good auditory wise or I would play them. He is always talking about older men trying to be younger. Like he's in Mexico and he's talking about the right length bathing suit. Right. And he's like, you know, I see these guys wearing them down around their ankles.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Some girl's not gonna sleep with you based on your bathing suit length, I can guarantee you. Because when you get to that age, it's just like, look at that bathing suit length. Hot dog. Sex at mama. But he's always talking about how you shouldn't try and act younger. You should try and act your age, like be your age.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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And then what he says is, if you smash that like button, what are you, 12, playing Fortnite? Smash that like button. Smash your face, Frankie. Let's get cranking into this video. If you say let's get cranking one more time, you are dating yourself by saying let's get cranking. Let's get cranking. You know what let's get cranking means?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4652.882

It's like when they had to crank the cars, they would actually start them for the front. Right. There's a lot of you guys out there that are saying, you know what?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

467.628

This guy sounds like a mix between Alex Jones and Dr. Phil. Und er sagt es, als ob alle Frauen verletzt sind. Frauen sind da, Sex messen, sie haben eine vollblutige Beziehung, sie sind literally an der Straße, an der Straße, an der Straße, an der Straße, an der Straße, an der Straße, an der Straße, an der Straße.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4695.42

Check it out. I've been going to the tanning bed for 40 years so my skin is like leather.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4707.89

I get half an erection. Half an erection is full erection. It only goes to five. It's like that old speaker that's broken. You just need it to turn up a little bit louder, but it never does. It's like my cock.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4726.952

I've got a penis pump to help me get it there. I don't know.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4766.599

Oh, Frankie. Financially, what does that mean? What, is a woman supposed to leave you the second you can't afford everything? Yeah. I guess so.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4781.111

I think Frankie still lives with his mom in a one-bedroom south side of Chicago. Are you? Best to you? What kind of shape are you in? Pretty bad shape. Things are not going great for me right now, Frankie. It's a really bad situation. I'm in bad shape, man. I'm playing Dungeons and Dragons in my dad's basement.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4807.279

Yeah, I've been watching your videos on repeat for three years. Bad shape, Frankie.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4838.091

Like, get up, be a good human, like, you know, smile, let people in in traffic. I get all that bullshit. But what a bunch of fucking generalized bullshit. Like, tell me exactly what I need to do to be my best me.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4849.417

And what does it mean? If you can't work out, you're not, like, women shouldn't be with you? I don't get it. It's just like, Frankie, here you go again. Just giving us a bunch of pile-on bullshit, you know, a bunch of platitudes that don't mean anything. And I guarantee you're not going to get to a point here, right? Ja, Karen, sieh, du kommst nie zu dem Punkt.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Du willst, dass sie... Aber sie kann nicht ins Gym gehen.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Aber ich bin der Mann. Aber ich bin der Mann. Das ist die Art, wie es sein sollte. Ich wurde so gebaut. Ich kann es nicht helfen, dass Gott mich gemacht hat.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4883.578

Ja, du bist mein bestes Selbst. Ich bin ein Mann. Ich kann es nicht helfen, dass Gott mich zu dem König meines Territoriums wollen will.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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53%! Ich glaube, das ist ein bisschen hoch.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4962.61

Yeah, where did you get this information from? Is the CDC give this information on their website? Because I don't know. That just seems like a high number. It does seem high. Like five out of ten women cheat on their husbands? No. Huh. I wonder how many men cheat on their wives. Yeah. That's a good question. But he doesn't have those facts readily available.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4982.551

That doesn't fit the narrative of this video.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

4995.894

67%, so 7 out of 10. Wow. We are a bunch of fucking cheating motherfuckers.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Yeah, because then the math doesn't work out. So some of these guys are going to... Which, nothing wrong with that. Absolutely not. But, I mean, you shouldn't do it while you're married, but okay.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5021.301

Yes, the man is cheating and the wife is cheating.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5024.824

That's just swingers.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5028.027

Which, by the way, we get a ton of traffic on that episode from search results on Google. I just want you to know.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5057.363

He said he was going to give us facts, but I'm not sure that those were facts. I just want to let you know that. I have no idea that that information is correct.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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One cheated twice. Oh, 10 von meinen Freunden. Das ist verrückt. Das ist verrückt. Wow. Ich fühle mich nicht mehr so gut über die Beziehung. Jetzt bin ich ein bisschen so, äh. Ich fühlte mich gut über meine Frau. Jetzt bin ich so, äh. Sie ist, halb von ihr ist mir verletzt.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5109.991

Franky has been in this conversation.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5144.777

You're an overgrown oaf. Justification. I know.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5179.433

Screaming at things and being irrational. Cheating on you. Yeah, we're men. We're like dogs. We sit, we roll over when we're told to. And we cheat 67%. We cheat 40% more than women do. Because sometimes you just gotta find another dick to be with. You know what I'm saying?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5205.783

She's trying to rationalize her thoughts? What does that mean?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5222.528

Oh, God. Poor Frankie. He just can't help himself.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

525.176

Ich meine, komm schon, Frank. Was redest du da? Jetzt hör mal, wie Frank über Social Media redet. Das schreckt mich einfach.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5261.981

That wasn't a riot. That was some people having a nice day at the Capitol. What are they thinking?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Their ass cheating? Their ass cheating, that's what it sounded like. They can justify their ass cheating. You don't have to justify them, they're just there. Don't worry about it. Frank, you're on a roll today.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5300.468

Faded. Who's Richard Simmons walking in the door? The intimacy has faded. Hello. Don't call me Shirley.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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You are so bad.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5326.389

I know. Can you imagine sitting down with Frankie on a first date and he's like, well, you're just moody and irrational. You're a strange breed. You're a strange breed.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5424.979

Telltale sign that your wife is sleeping with somebody else is if she's sleeping with somebody else. And not you.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5444.707

Oh. Oh man, could it be that marriage is a marathon and not a sprint? And there are times when, hey, listen, you gotta spice things up in the bed. There could be emotional problems, there could be depression, there could be problems.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5463.813

You wanna really put a kibosh on your sex life? Have sex and make a child. Es ist unglaublich. Dann versuchst du Sex zu haben, während ein Kind zwischen euch zwei schläft. Mein Dick ist nicht so lang. Ernie, setz deine Vagina hierher, ich werde nur einen Moment über Matthias rütteln. Ich meine, komm schon, Frankie, lass uns zusammen. Es gibt ein Millionen Gründe, warum dein Sexleben sich schläft.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Wenn du schon lange verheiratet bist, erwarte nicht, dass du ab und zu spät wirst. Das passiert nicht so. Nehmt es von einem Mann aus, der zweimal verheiratet ist.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5502.662

If she's constantly rejecting you, you've got bigger problems than sex, man. I mean, if you're like, hey babe, you wanna have sex? And she's like, that thing? Don't bring that thing near me.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5515.305

Yeah, you're just moody. Ah, you're just moody. Don't bring those, roll those testicles back up from the floor. Put them back in your pants. Best do you. Scrundlefish. Scrundlefoot. I just had the thought of freaking taking down his pants. And his testicles roll out. Like one of those cartoon tongues. Like a tongue. Best to you, Frankie. Oh my God, I'm crying. His advice is really all.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

553.212

Tell you it isn't so. All of a sudden, you're gone. Why is that? You're being ghost. You're being ghost.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5564.833

Frankie, just your cartoon character.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5585.282

Why did you take half the stuff and sign this paperwork and take that trip you've been wanting to the other side of town in that apartment where you're going to live? Take that trip?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5601.594

Possibly. Who says that? Hey honey, I really want you to take that trip. Start watching what you're drinking. She's probably poisoning you. Honey, I want you to get in the car and drive away right now. Test the brakes.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

563.242

You're being ghost. It's ghosted, Frank. It's ghosted, not you're being ghost. What is this? Is this an episode of Casper? I know. If you have Nico on your homepage, you're getting cheated on. Your wife is having an affair with a ghost dog.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5637.998

Er ist, hier ist das Ding.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5640.72

Er denkt, dass seine Ex-Frau das anschaut, richtig? Und er denkt, weil er so selbstinteressiert ist. Er denkt, weil er nicht so viel über Frauen denkt, und er denkt, dass er so wichtig ist, dass seine Frau jetzt diese große YouTube-Star mit all seinen 672 Abonnenten anschaut, richtig? Wie er es beschreibt, ohne es zu beschreiben.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5659.716

Ja, und lacht und sagt, danke Gott, ich habe halb das Haus bekommen. Thank God I didn't sign that prenup. Because he was the douche I thought he was. Well, you know, it's kind of strange how I met him anyway. I was just sitting at the bar and he came up and said, hey, I'm your blind date. And I was like, no, you're not. You're like, I know I'm not your first choice. Look at me in the eyes.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5683.436

Look at my body.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5701.184

Hey, I know I'm not your first choice, but I'm a choice.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5715.919

Constantly what? Push, push, pushing. I've never in my life, I've had lots of people cheat on me, but I've never had anybody push, push, push for me to take a trip constantly. Take that trip, go. Are you back? Leave again. I bought you tickets to Mexico. They're on the table. Don't unpack and don't look in the shower. Because the pool boy is there. Go back. Go back to Mexico.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5746.888

You know those whore houses down in Costa Rica? I want you to go experience that. You only live once. Get out of here. See you later. I bought a ticket for you and the 19-year-old babysitter to head out to Mexico together. They only had one room available. King Bed. Take the kids with you. Leave them at the airport. I don't give a shit. Billy the Pool Boy's got a dick that's 12 inches long.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5771.986

And it's curved. Like this. Not your flat half-hard cock. The fire is not working. Take that trip.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5805.494

Yes, I mean... Did you ever notice she's moving stuff out of the house on a Saturday morning? And packing the kids up to go on a nice long vacation. With you. Without you. Something could be up. Changing the routine. Has she ever known she's changing the routine? Open your eyes. That's right. She meets your next door neighbor for sex in the morning. She could be cheating on you. Might be.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5834.587

Possibly. Possibly. I mean, don't let your thoughts run wild. Don't be moody. Listen, I don't say this to get you paranoid. I just want you paying attention to all the 300 different things that could mean your wife's cheating on you.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5874.681

Listen, could all of this be construed as something to be concerned about? And what about not having a routine, you know, that set of a routine that if she doesn't brush her teeth at noon, you know, at four in the morning every day, she's cheating on you. Sounds like you're just ultra paranoid or this has happened many times to you. These are all the different ways you have been cheated on.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5907.312

You thought back on it and was like, oh, that must have meant I should have paid attention to that. Yeah, I mean, if she changes her routine.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5916.696

If the routine change includes someone else's dick, then yeah, I can understand why. But otherwise, maybe she's just a human and people need to change routines. Dumbass.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5947.426

You start with the right upper quadrant usually when you brush your teeth and now you're at the left quadrant. Are you fucking our son's teacher? Sie ist eine Frau! Ich weiß es! Ist das Pupillenhaar?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5968.342

In deinem Mund. Oder Dentalfloss, ich kann es nicht sagen.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

597.571

If you get ghosts on social media, you're getting cheated on.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

5988.23

It's happening all over again. It's happening all over again. Oh shit. I bet Frankie's life is actually pretty sad outside these videos. I know.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6003.697

Yeah, I mean, for a guy who seems to get laid a lot or thinks he is. People who are paranoid like this only get laid a lot. They don't have relationships that last for a long time because they are so jealous and so paranoid that they can't hold a relationship because it doesn't work that way. Fuck yeah, it's a turn off. Not to mention, it's exhausting.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6027.475

Why are we doing this forever?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6038.498

She's coming home a little later. If your wife looks like a different person, if your wife is a different person, if your wife has hired an actress to come in the door, it's likely something's going on. Pay attention. I'm exhausted. I don't want to pay attention anymore. In my marriage, I don't want to pay attention.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6059.013

I don't want to pay attention to anything that Astrid does that's out of the ordinary. I chalk it up to she's a human being. And I go, I love you. That's what I do. I go, I love you no matter what. Whatever.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6075.663

You don't have the code to get out the door. I got stuck at the office. I'm stuck at the office. They won't let me out.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6084.911

Maybe she got a promotion. Maybe it's a big project she's been working on. Or maybe she's fucking Bob and the account's payable.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6112.398

You and your friends making up words now? You got phrases over there in Frankie B land?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

613.304

I felt like we had like five different things in there. This video is only four minutes long, by the way. But the second I started watching it, I was just like, I was sitting here at midnight last night Lachen laut. Ich bin sicher, dass meine Kinder aufgewacht sind, weil ich laut lachen habe an diesem Mann. Diese Videos sind alle wertvoll. Wir werden viele Male mit Frank checken.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6138.374

Jennifer, we have to talk to you. Why is Patty from HR in here? We should have a conversation with you. Last night when you were working late and Frank busted through the door without his shirt on and two ring lights saying, look at my body and I just busted your ass out. It really disturbed some of the other employees. I'm afraid things aren't working.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6168.844

When Frankie showed up with a camera and a dolly. When a key grip and two sound men showed up in the office to set up for Frankie busting through the wall.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6194.244

I really am picturing his bestie. With a bunch of cameramen around him and a dolly, like one of those dollies, that just pushes him through the wall. So it looks like he's flying through the wall with his shirt off.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6219.322

Well, this is embarrassing. I'll be at the house if you need me. I'm gonna go back and make some dinner. Feel like Thai tonight, honey?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6269.196

Smash that like button while I smash through this wall and find my wife cheating. Nope, it's just inventory. Ah, shit. You feel like Tide and I can... Hey, Honey, sorry. I'm really sorry. I apologize. I apologize, everybody. Hi, I'm Frankie B. Have you seen my YouTube channel? for guys over 50 minutes of fitness, fashion, fun. I don't know. Photography. Photography. Home improvement projects.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

63.899

Hey there, cats and kittens. As was completely predictable, absolutely unavoidable, and probably much needed, there is no way in hell you're getting a new episode of The Commercial Break today. There's 13 of them that we just did over the weekend, so go listen to one, if not all of those, if you haven't already. To be frank, TCB's Endless Day kind of went off without a hitch.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

630.979

Das ist der Anfang einer fruchtbaren Beziehung mit Frank. Ich liebe dich, Frank. Frag mich. 470-584-8449.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6300.956

Maybe you've seen it. Here's a card. Smash that like button. Okay, thanks everybody. Bye. Then the dolly pulls backwards and all the guys file out of the hole. Janine, wir müssen wieder über deinen Mann reden. Ich weiß. Das ist der dritte Wall dieses Monats. Oh mein Gott.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6388.99

It's like you're 50. Harrison Ford's making Indiana Jones doing his own stunts. He's 90. Come on, Frank.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6403.092

You know, if you choose... It's probably not a good thing to do to take your wife for granted.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6410.253

A spouse! Hey Spouse, what's up with the cheating? What? I just noticed that you put your hair in ponytails yesterday. That's not usual. I'm coming to your office again.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6460.0

Look at my husband. That fat Bob on the couch. Playing NFL Madden. Ich denke nur an mich selbst.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6499.001

Frankie's charged up in this video.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Clearly this has happened to him. Walk all over your ass. Jeez, Frankie.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6537.415

That's a floral print bra. Oh, okay. Just keeping... Just gonna keep you on your toes. I'm like a ninja. My eyes are open. That's right. I'm like a private eye ninja. When she walks in the house, I jump from... I jump from the top of the balcony and I'm like, what's up with that dick in your breath?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6577.869

Jesus, the climax is the most important part, not the end. But whatever.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6587.151

But you just gave tip number five. That's two tip number fives.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6592.153

No, I think it's five. But he said he did twelve tips earlier.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6601.396

This one's obvious. ...about your wife's cell phone.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6610.74

Unglaublich, Frankie.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6650.253

I need to see your phone right now. I need to see your phone right now. I'm sorry, who are you? I'm sorry, I'm Frankie B. I'm Frankie B. I'm your blind date. I don't have a blind date. Oh, you don't? You do now. Is that dick on your breath? Sorry, just trying to keep you on your toes. I'm a cheating ninja. I know when women are cheating. I wish Frank could make a cartoon.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6677.865

Frank is just jumping all over the walls in the bathroom. He's holding his hands on the ceiling and then he just jumps down while you're taking a shit. Let me see your vagina. Bust in your ass. I knew it. You're changing your routine.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6696.636

Oh, you fucking... You're cleaning your bowels for anal sex, I know it! That'd probably get us kicked off Fireside, just as an example, I wanted to throw that out there.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6723.189

I don't get it. I don't get what's going on. Why? You don't want your woman. You don't want anybody. You don't want anybody. I mean, listen, leaving your phone out on the table with the down over to the side is appropriate, right? But if you have a purse, if I had a purse, I'd put it there.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6745.102

Frankie's so afraid of getting cheated on that he needs to see what's going on 24 hours a day. This guy, I mean, the therapy bill this guy must have is huge. He does go to therapy, though. He probably thinks he's fine.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6758.151

He's teaching the rest of the world how to be just as paranoid as he is. Instead of realizing that maybe he's taking it a little bit over the edge, he's making other people feel exactly like he does, so they fit his money. See? Told you, everyone else feels the same way, too. You're just a crazy seventh wife. So moody. So moody. With all your feelings and emotions and vagina.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6778.953

Stop bleeding everywhere. Okay.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6800.93

Since I was born, I literally can't shut up. It's a problem. Thank God you found the YouTube outlet.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6833.744

Das ist nicht ihre Verletzung, das ist T-Mobile.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6840.192

Das ist nicht ein Mann, das ist Verizon.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6847.723

Komm schon, was zur Hölle? Oh Gott, Frankie.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6872.551

What, are you working in jail? The lockout code. It sounds like an 80s movie where they're projecting technology in the future. What's the three digits for the lockout code? The world's going to blow up unless we have the lockout code.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6924.768

His body pressed up against the window. Busting your ass out. I'm getting your lockout code.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6945.662

Super heavily guarded? Fort Knox is super heavily guarded. A phone lockout code.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6951.844

Oh my, I know.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

6955.045

Super heavily guarded. Lockout code. That's right. Oh my god, Frankie.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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I feel so impressed. Let's see if he says smash that like button one more time. That's my favorite thing he says. I do got more. I do got more. Proper English. This is the king's English right there. I do got more, so smash that like button. We covered five secret tips that you like.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Put an ED back there, you fucked wad. Let me continue, because he's funny in and of himself. We probably don't even need to make jokes.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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This wisdom has been passed down from cheating ninja to cheating ninja. I'm the sixth generation of cheating ninja in my family. We have caught all of our wives cheating on us. The curse of the Bernardos. The curse of those cheating Bernardos. Ancient Chinese wisdom from Bernardo to Bernardo.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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I know, it's just fun at this point.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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I'd hire my own YouTube crew.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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The unravels. As he comes unglued. A real-time experiment to watch a man literally lose his shit. Okay. Go on that trip you've been planning.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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You know what you should do? Leave. My favorite is if your wife changes her routine. If the moving truck is up front when you wake up.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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When the restraining order is lifted. When the judge lets you see her again. Just whenever you see your wife again. Just do this. Assault her again with your verbal abuse.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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I'm going to be like this with Astrid later. She's going to be like, what's that look? I'm going to be like, cheating ninja. Ancient Chinese secret. Ancient cheating wisdom from the Bernardo family.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Come on, Frankie.

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TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Das klingt wie seine persönliche Geschichte. Ja, natürlich.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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What is the one thing?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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He just never ends. He just keeps on going.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Okay, gotcha. What was that creepy laugh? I'm Frankie B. The Cheating Ninja. Just getting started. This is the song I think of whenever I hear Frankie B. Ready?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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I bet we could just take Frankie for a couple days around his apartment and just fast forward and play this.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Oh my god. Frankie, you are honestly, you are my best friend, buddy. I just get endless amounts of entertainment out of you.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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I don't know what else I can say. I don't know what else to do. It should also be noted that that is the longest episode in commercial break history. Not the longest day, that was Saturday, but the longest episode, clocking in at almost two hours long. So very early on in the show's history, we had two hours of Frankie B material. You can never claim I don't know a good thing when I hear one.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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And you can also never claim that I don't beat a dead horse, because I do, all the time. Settle down, not a real dead horse. I mean, not unless the horse was dead already, then the horse isn't gonna feel it. Bis zum nächsten Mal. We'll be back tomorrow with a new episode, but you know what to do. Go to tcbpodcast.com. All the audio, all the video, right there at one location.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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I mean, again, he's been on steroids and cocaine since the 80s. He's been ghost. Yeah, you should see this guy. He is just like built like a rock house. I bet a thousand dollars he's from Chicago with that accent.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Also, get your free TCB Endless Day sticker. Go to the Contact Us page, hit the drop-down menu that says I want my free sticker, send us your address, and we will send you one. At the Commercial Break on Instagram, please, please follow us. TCB Podcast on TikTok and youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak for all of the episodes, including TCB's Endless Day on video.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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And one last thing, if you're feeling froggy, 212-433-3822. That's 212-433-3TCB. Not 1-888-CALL-TCB, because John in Iowa has that phone number. Fuck you, John, and fuck the dead horse you rode in on. Alright, cats and kittens, until tomorrow. I love you. Best to you. And until next time, I will say, I do say, and I must say, goodbye.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Hi guys. He sounds like my mom. He's like the male version of my mom.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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And if you are at a function... She's hiding the ringtone because she doesn't want to hear it. You idiot. Everyone turns on and off their ringer. That's not a thing. Mine's off right now in the studio. I'm cheating on you. Mine's probably off. I should check that. You're cheating on me. If I turn off my ringer... If you're having an affair... I'm not saying that I am.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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But if you're having an affair... It's not about turning on and off the ringer. It's really not. You're missing the whole fucking point, Frank. It's about not calling them, not making evidence whatsoever. You have a secret phone number, like 470-5848-449. Call me, Frank. I want to talk to you live on air.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Oh, my God. I cannot imagine the drama would be caused if I told Astrid to leave her phone at the table when she went to the bathroom for no particular reason except for my fucking paranoia.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Holdi, I want you to leave your phone right there. And if you get fidgety about it... I know you're cheating on me. That's great dinner time conversation, by the way. You should do that.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Grabs it real quick. Yeah, I know.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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This whole thing happened to him. And only in hindsight did he realize that all of those things were signs that he was being cheated on. After he's had five years and six 20-year-old girlfriends to think about it.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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That is very much unlike anything we have ever done outside of the box. Ja, genau. Ich mache über 10.000 Dollar pro Stunde. Und wenn ich nicht verpflichtet war, kontraktuell dieses Show zu machen, ist es möglich, dass ich ihn auf die Offer nehme.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

898.097

It's all coming together now, Frank. I'm starting to understand what exactly happened to you. Your wife was fucking the pool boy. Or the trainer at the gym. Exactly. Right in front of you. And you were too busy at Hair Club for Men. That you didn't realize what was going on until it was too late. But that doesn't mean that every woman that goes to the gym is cheating on her husband.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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That's a ridiculous connotation.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Does connotation even make sense in that?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Okay, thank you.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Shit about how she looked like. That's why she was going to the gym. To get fatter.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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You don't give a shit what you look like. By the way, going to the gym one or two days a week is a big fucking effort. It is. Absolutely.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Maybe she's feeling good about herself. Maybe she's a human being, Frank. Maybe she wants some self-respect. Maybe she wants to get out of the hole that you've dug her in the backyard to live. Maybe she's married to you.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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She knows how to pay a bill.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: The Meta Best Of Frankie B!

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Signs. A woman is cheating on you.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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And that's, you know, it's a great place to be festive and have a party and, you know, stare at your neighbor. I don't know. It's something like that. Und es gibt diesen riesigen Madrid-Food-Markt dort. Und es ist dieses große Gebäude. Es fühlt sich offen an, aber es ist nicht. Aber es ist ein riesiges Gebäude. Und es gibt einen Markt drinnen. Es ist immer verpackt. Es ist mit Leuten verpackt.

The Commercial Break

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You're the shrimp paste on my mango. What else can I say? There you go, Chrissy and I doing hard research here at the commercial break. We learned a new delicacy. Yes, we learned a new delicacy. Shrimp paste and mango. Mango, mango, mango. Which sounds like... It tastes like puke in my mouth. That's what it sounds like. But hey, who am I to judge?

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Wir sind da ein paar Mal da gewesen. Und sie haben all diese Food-Vendoren rundherum und in der Mitte davon. Und dann gehst du und wählst dein Essen. Und wenn du einen Platz finden kannst, ist das großartig. Und wenn du nicht kannst, dann isst du, während du da standest und mit den Leuten sprichst. Und wir haben von einem dieser Vendoren einen Oktopus bekommen, der nicht aus dem Allgemeinen da ist.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Du kannst das fast überall finden. Wir haben hier einen Oktopus. Klar, nah am Meer. Ja, nah am Meer. Madrid ist nicht nah am Meer, aber Spanien ist bekannt für ihren Seafood, richtig? Und wir haben ein bisschen Spice gesprungen. Ein bisschen Limonade, ein bisschen Salz und Pfeffer. Chrissy, it was the most delicious piece of food I've ever had. But not necessarily because the octopus was good.

The Commercial Break

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Because the company, the atmosphere, the smells, the sights, the sounds. It was like a perfect moment in heaven. You know what I'm saying? I do. Then we had children.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Wenn du darüber sprichst, erinnert es mich an die Zeit, als Astrid und ich in Venedig waren. Gleicher Reise, Babymoon, was auch immer du es nennst. Babymoon vor unserem ersten Kind. Wir sind in Venedig gegangen und wir haben, ich weiß nicht, vier oder fünf Tage in Venedig verbracht. Und es war kalt. Es war wie im Februar, sehr kalt dort.

The Commercial Break

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Aber das war gut, weil das bedeutet, dass es viel weniger Leute gab. Touristen. Ja, viel weniger Touristen. Und wir haben die Stadt für uns selbst bekommen. And one of the nights, Astrid and I are just dumping around, walking back to the hotel. And we're both hungry. And we've passed by this pizza place four or five times. The sign literally has like one of those pizza guys.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Right? And so it's the last restaurant kind of before we get toward the hotel. And so Astrid and I look at each other and we're like, let's give it a shot. A piece of Domino's Pizza before we go to bed. This was anything but Domino's Pizza. This was the best pizza I have ever had in my entire life from the cartoon Pizza Man. I got the best pizza I ever had in Italy from the cartoon Pizza Man.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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It was unbelievable. It was so good. So good.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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You can't deny that it went... The food in Europe is just so much better. I mean, listen, there are lots of great places to eat in the United States. I've been to a lot of them. And I'm not saying that every place you go to in Europe is so much better than the United States. It's not. But there are... You can go... There are restaurants on every corner. Most of them are mom-and-pop restaurants.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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There are different cultures and different foods for everybody. What's this? I think we've asked this before, but what is the strangest food you think you've ever put in your mouth?

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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That's right. And that's the difference. That is. Here... It's a fucking TGI Fridays on every goddamn corner. Not anymore, they went bankrupt. Or Cheesecake Factory. Everything is homogenized and it all tastes the same. You don't have that same mom and pop kind of, the family gives a shit. Someone's back there cooking because they care, they love it, it's their livelihood.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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You just don't have a lot of, you don't have as much of that here in the United States. And that's what I love about

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Ja.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Because of the American dream, everybody wants to be rich and famous, that you open up a restaurant. It might start off as the love of food, but then you have to open up 12 more. And you have to stamp it and make it the next McDonald's or make it the next whatever.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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I don't know, I wish, I love that about America, because it really can come true, you can, like, all your dreams can come true, you can be rich and famous and all it takes is a little hard work and maybe some luck and a little bit of smarts and financial backing from Elon Musk. But then, you know, if you can do that, then that is the true American dream.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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But what sometimes sucks about the American dream is that because everybody wants to be rich and famous,

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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More, bigger, faster, run fast, break things. It's that we don't ever, not we don't ever, but we get a lot less of the individuality. Because when you're trying so hard to be that stereotype archetypal entrepreneur. Yeah, you're trying to be everything to everybody, you're nothing to nobody. And that is the challenge. And that is why...

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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live octopus and I'm not even kidding about this that's why live octopus in a basement in Berkeley that's why people are standing outside in line to get into that place is because there's some originality to it there's some dude back there who just decided that this 300 foot you know office space turned into a beautiful Japanese replication restaurant is gonna be my baby and I'm gonna take it to the moon and this is all I need right now I say that it's probably the guy who started you know

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Wahrscheinlich. Was weiß ich nicht. Auf jeden Fall. Mach das, was du liebst. Mach es deinem Leid. Schau uns an. Leben ist zu kurz, um schlechtes Essen zu essen. Das ist richtig. Hey, hör mal. Du bist so fucking richtig über das. Und schau uns an. Du siehst nicht, dass wir versuchen, Franchise des kommerziellen Rates zu stampfen.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Yeah. For me, it's got to be live baby octopus or beef heart. One of the two.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Weißt du, es gibt einige dieser Podcaster, die plötzlich wollen, ein Netzwerk von anderen Podcastern zu bauen, die so wie sie klingen. Gut, sei ein Millionär. Geh her. Mach ein Leben. Be good at what you do and have people like you. Instagram accounts more than 5,000 people. But I'll tell you what, it's fine. The water's warm down here in the shallow end. That's where I'm staying. That's right.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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We'll be back.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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I went to a beautiful restaurant near Berkeley in San Francisco. We were just kind of traveling around the campus area over there in that retail district, going in and out of record stores. I mean, they do have some really fantastic places, little out-of-the-way places there. And we... Wir sind in einem schwarzen, schwarzen Wohnzimmer.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Okay, a couple of pop culture things that I want to talk about. Now, we're recording a little bit ahead of time right now. Like, not like we're the most timely podcast in the world anyway. No, we're not.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

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But we're recording a little bit ahead of time because we have, you know, we got 12 days of TCB coming up and we have to, and we also would like to spend some time with our family or without our family, which is fine with me. In the studio. In the studio. Here we are. I asked her to woke up this morning. She's like, I thought you were going to take some time off.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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And I'm like, yeah, Thanksgiving Day. You're all mine, babe. Don't worry about it. So, a couple things. So, I... Okay, Jamie Foxx was down in Miami doing karaoke. We could do that one too, sure, why not. Was our friend part of it?

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Simon Gobadia?

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Portia. Yeah, yeah, she was part of it. Oh, we'll talk about that in a second too. Because this is Simon. This is Simon. And for those of you who have listened to the commercial break for a very long time, you'll know that we have some inner twinglings with some people in the Real Housewives of Atlanta. I'll explain in a minute.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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So what I really wanted to share was Jamie Foxx is here in Atlanta doing a string of, I guess, stand-up comedy shows, kind of like entertainment shows, four nights in a row. You know, Jamie Foxx, about a year and a half ago, he was here in Atlanta filming some kind of movie with Cameron Diaz. Und er fiel sehr krank, sehr schnell. Und er wurde in den Krankenhaus gerutscht.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Und für viele Wochen hat niemand von der Jamie Foxx-Kammer gehört. Ja, jeder war überrascht.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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He was gonna be alive, everything was gonna be okay, but no one said exactly what happened. And a bunch of people speculated that he had a stroke on set. This upset Cameron Diaz so badly that she reportedly told friends. This is all hearsay, by the way, don't take anything you hear on the commercial break as actual facts.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Cameron Diaz hat beruflich gesagt, Freunde, ich bin fertig mit der Schauspielung. Das ist es. Das ist der letzte Film, den ich mache. Und ich gehe in die Sonne. Jetzt, ob oder nicht, das war ein Jahr ago oder ein Jahr und ein paar Wege zuvor. Also, ob oder nicht, das bleibt wahr. Ich weiß es nicht.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Aber an dem Zeitpunkt erinnere ich mich, dass Cameron Diaz so überrascht und überrascht war, dass sie entschieden hat, keine Masse. Jamie Foxx's camp stays really tight-lipped about whatever it is that happened on that particular day.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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No one's ever said exactly what happened. But he did say, I came extremely close to death. And by the grace of his words, God and the help of the people in the medical facility and my friends and family, I'm here today. It took me a long time to get back on the horse, but here I am.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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So, about a couple weeks ago, maybe a month ago and some change here in Atlanta, does this string of shows, like four nights at the Fox. And some people online, after they went to that taping, I guess it was a taping for something, for Netflix maybe. After they get done, some people popped online and started saying that Jamie Fox reportedly said that P. Diddy...

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Und es war ein Restaurant, der nicht größer als dieser Raum war. Und ich bin gar nicht verrückt. Es gab zwölf, 13, vielleicht 15 Sitzungen. Oder ein Bad, ein kleines Geheimnis. I know. Two top tables, like four of them, and then like bar chairs around. And they had a window, but it went nowhere. It's just like a window to a brick wall.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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und das ist, warum er fast gestorben ist. Was? Ja. Und einige Leute glauben, dass er nicht lachen konnte. Während das im Generell eine Art Comedy-Show war, dass diese Seite des Shows nicht Comedy war. Dass er ernst war. Dass er auf der Bühne sagte und glaubte, dass er von P. Diddy verletzt wurde. Das ist, warum er fast gestorben ist. Und das war kein Lachen. Und niemand...

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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seems to understand what he's talking about. How P. Diddy got to Atlanta and tried to poison him, don't know. How P. Diddy was on set or someone on behalf of P. Diddy tried to poison him, don't know.

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I'm not putting anything past it. And I'm not saying it happened. I'm not saying it didn't happen. But I thought it was interesting enough to talk about. Because then... So I read this... I read this maybe a couple of weeks ago. Then our friend Paul Scheer put out a video sharing the same information. And when Paul Scheer said it, I thought, okay, I think I want to talk about it too.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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I didn't want to talk about it a couple of weeks ago. Not that we have the kind of reach or notoriety of Paul Scheer, but I didn't want to talk about it because it seemed like pure speculation to me. But now that people are talking about it, I want to jump on the bandwagon, get some clicks. You know what I'm talking about, Christy? I think this is a very interesting turn of events.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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And it starts to make some sense why Jamie Foxx and his entire team never said a word. Jamie Foxx had a stroke. I think people would just say Jamie Foxx had a stroke. And then he came back and now he's better.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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But let me tell you what the strangest part about this whole story is. You ready for this? Mm hmm. Jamie Foxx, at this same live event. claimed that the reason why the FBI got hot to P. Diddy was because Jamie Fox notified the FBI of his misgivings. Really? So Jamie Fox is claiming that he was the one who called the FBI. He was the one who notified them about all the shit.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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He was the one who also notified them he had been poisoned. He cracked it wide open and that's why P. Diddy went down. Jamie Fox and P. Diddy have been seen, filmed... Lots of places, like P. Diddy and Jamie Foxx have been a lot of places together. They've been filmed and photographed and recorded so many places together.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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By all accounts, it would appear that they were friendly with each other, right? But maybe not. Maybe something else was going on. And this all reportedly might stem from a time that P. Diddy allowed Jamie Foxx for some kind of documentary movie something to record one of his parties. And Jamie Foxx had cameras inside of one of these parties.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Some people say that Jamie Foxx was only allowed to record to a certain time and then he had to shut the cameras down when the freak-off started or whatever the fuck is going on in that place. And some other people claim that maybe Jamie has footage that P. Diddy or the knowledge that P. Diddy didn't want out there. And so when things started getting hot and heavy for P. Diddy... It's poison time.

The Commercial Break

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P. Diddy, if true, if true.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Threatening to kill people, like, you know, having them sign NDAs.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Listen, I've said this before. I am not a conspiracy theorist. I tend to think that the thing that makes most sense is probably true. Not always, but true. 9-11, I don't think thousands and thousands of people could cover up one incident. I just don't think that, right? Because it doesn't make much sense to me.

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And it looked authentically Japanese because it was authentically Japanese. So Japanese that no one there spoke English. At least not to us they didn't, right? And the menu was in Japanese. And I'm not even sure that they had a, like... I'm not even sure the health department had ever visited. But I mean, it looked clean enough. It looked wonderful.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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You can't have one person keep a secret for very long, let alone thousands of people that would have to be involved in this. So, I'm just giving you an example. So, when people say that there's some crazy sex ring running around, you know, Hollywood and la la la la la and deals with the devil and all this other shit, it at least until recently seemed not far-fetched.

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I believe that there are lots of Ja, genau. But I didn't think it was so crazy. And Diddy is now confirming that it is so crazy. It is crazy when you're poisoning other famous people because you're afraid they're going to turn on you or what the information that you have. And all these people that are just like, who's... Why is no one saying anything?

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Where are the other famous people that were at these parties saying something? And now there are lawyers trying to pay people to not mention other names.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

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I know. Private investigators are showing up to content creators' houses, asking questions, saying that they can pay them to shut up or influence them. Yeah, it's a web. It's a web. It's a big web. Und ich denke, ich sehe, was hier anfängt zu passieren, ist, dass P. Diddy Geld, Weisheit und Ehre hat. Und er beginnt, das Geld, Weisheit und Ehre zu nutzen, um ein Schmuckscreen rauszuholen, richtig?

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Er versucht, alle alle aufzulösen und die Fakten zu mängeln und, du weißt, zu den Leuten zu kommen, bevor sie etwas sagen oder sie etwas anderes zu sagen oder sie zu bezahlen, um etwas anderes zu sagen. So that when the time comes for him to go on trial, it's so confusing and it's so he said, she said.

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And there's so much bullshit out there and people have been threatened and paid and all this stuff that there's a likelihood that the jury doesn't want anything to do with it. And they just say, not me, hung jury or not guilty because I don't want anything to do with it. This happens a lot with people that are rich and famous.

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Das ist der Grund, warum es zwei verschiedene Regelsysteme in diesem Land gibt. Einer für uns und einer für die Menschen, die Macht und Geld haben. Also, das ist mir verrückt. Und wenn es wahr ist, hat P. Diddy Jamie Foxx verpustet? Ist das nicht das verrücktste Ding, das du jemals gehört hast? Das ist verrückt.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Yes, and now it's making sense why Cameron Diaz got freaked out, right? Because Cameron Diaz and Jamie Foxx are apparently very friendly with each other, and she may have been one of the few people that knew what was going on. Now it makes sense why Jamie Foxx' team or Jamie Foxx never said anything about what exactly happened. Now it makes sense why this whole, like...

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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All of a sudden the FBI got hepped to this and really went after Diddy hardcore. I mean, there was that lawsuit, yes, but the FBI probably was on to him before that.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

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I know. And all of this for a terrible movie that Cameron Diaz and Jamie Foxx made. Jamie Foxx and Cameron Diaz movie is called... Oh, it was on Netflix. Back in Action is what it's called. Back in Action.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

219.629

And so at the time, you know, I was up for a challenge. I said, all right, let's eat here. The lady that I was with, the young lady that I was with, loved sushi. That was her thing. And so I was like, okay, let's do an authentic experience. So we get this menu. It's all in Japanese. I have no fucking clue. There's some pictures, but none of it looks like stuff I would eat, right?

The Commercial Break

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Well, oh, maybe it's not even come out yet. Oh, that's why. Well, this is November 19th, I think. Well, let's put it this way. You haven't heard much about it, right? It's not one of those movies. It's not out yet. What movie... Oh, it's not coming out until January 25th. Okay, rewind the tape a little bit. Brian's wrong. I did see the trailer.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Critics have said nothing. It's a cone of silence about anything having to do with this movie. This is why we desperately need a producer in here to help us fact check shit. I swear to God.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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It didn't come out till January. It doesn't come out till January. It's called Back in Action. Maybe it's great. I saw the trailer for it. Didn't look great, but okay, whatever. I don't know. Who knows? Maybe I should actually watch the movie before I make a determination about whether it's good or not. Here's Brian, the trailer critic. The trailer was terrible. It must have already come out.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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The trailer was terrible. Well, another hot topic segment ruined by Brian's complete inaccuracy. Complete disregard for any facts or research whatsoever. Maybe I should have started with what was the movie they were filming when he got poisoned? Where did that go? How's that doing? Oh mein Gott. Oh, Brian. You know, if I was another podcaster, I'd cut this part out. But guess what?

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I've got too many episodes to do. So you get shit and I'll get shit. We're all gonna get shit. My face hurts. Sorry, Jamie. I'm sure the movie's great. Cameron, my apologies. Like they're listening.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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It all comes back to P. Diddy. It all comes back to Baby Oil. This is a conspiracy by Big Oil. Baby Oil. Big Corporate Baby Oil. Big Corporate Baby Oil wants us to believe that P. Diddy was the reason Baby Oil was sold out during the pandemic. But no, no, don't you believe it for a second. Big Baby Oil knows different. Big Oil. Yes, Big Oil, Big Baby Oil.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

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P. Diddy wird gefunden, tot in einem Gefängniszelt, weil von Big Baby Oil. Das ist die Wahrheit. Oh mein Gott. Cameron Diaz, Jamie Foxx, P. Diddy, sie sind alle für Big Baby Oil. Ich sehe dich, Johnson & Johnson. Du musst deinen Preis manipulieren, nachdem Frauen es nicht mehr für Sonntan-Lotion benutzen. Your stock went in the shitter. Well, guess what? We know, we know.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

239.818

And so I asked the waiter in English, because I know no Japanese, give us what the chef would give us. Give us the chef's thing.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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It was actually Johnson & Johnson that tried to poison Jamie Foxx. Big baby oil. Okay, maybe that's a good place to take a break. So I can research the story I'm about to talk about before I talk about it. Wow, I've had it on my face a lot on this show, but that was a big one. That was a big one. Back in Action, coming on Netflix, January 17th, 2025. Check it out.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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I'm gonna give him a plug now that I just ripped him a new asshole for no good reason. Except for I can't be bothered to read. Alright. Sorry, sorry. Sorry. Sorry, Netflix. Oops. Whoopsie.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

247.322

And eventually, after like some hand gestures and drawing pictures with a pencil, I think he figured out... Food in mouth. Yeah, food in mouth. Chef, you know, chop, chop. Chop, chop, yeah. Dumb American, need worse food you have. Für den meisten Preis. Ja. Mit Eis drauf. Und dann gibt es, ich weiß nicht, wie man es beschreiben kann. Weißt du, wie es manchmal ist, wenn du Escargot isst?

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All right, here we are.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

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I know. Some of my kids have that, too. It's terrible. My face is chapped.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Yes, I've tried regular lotion.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Du arme Sache.

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Wenn ich in Colorado gehe, wenn es im Winter ist, dann wird es wirklich schwarz. Es ist schwarz. Es ist schwarz.

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that some time to work. I put a humidifier on summer, winter, because you know, air conditioning can be dry too, right? So either which way. It's like you go on an airplane, you got that air conditioning blowing on you. It's just like your throat is dry, your skin is dry, your body is dry, you feel like you're dehydrated. So I've had that humidifier kicking for like three years.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Every night, I had some pain in the ass, but I fill it up, I turn it on low and I let it go. And it has helped some of my children and myself with dry skin. I get dry skin around my belt line

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Das hat nichts mit mir zu tun, egal. Es ist, was es ist. Aber was mir manchmal hilft, einer meiner Kinder, die wirklich leckere Lippen hat, ist, ich nehme Vaseline am Tag oder Burt's Bees oder was auch immer. Aber am Abend nehme ich nur regelmäßige Lotion, wie das Seedofil, das ich auf ihrer Haut oder meiner Haut benutze. Ich nehme es nur auf die Lippen, auch manchmal.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Try that combo. Here's the thing I think about chapped lips in general. Once you start using some of those moisturizers on your lips, your body starts to depend on it.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

2678.114

Any dermatologists out there? That's the worst thing. Yeah, that's the worst thing that you got. That's not bad. I got chapped face. I'll tell you what. Also, nicht nur habe ich, ich habe diesen Creme auf meinem Gesicht gelegt, richtig? Und dann, ich denke, vielleicht habe ich auch Schingel drauf, was auch manchmal passiert. Oh. Das ist sehr schmerzhaft. Es schmerzt sehr.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

2706.537

Und jetzt habe ich all diese Pock-Marken auf meinem Gesicht. Es geht ein bisschen weg, aber es wird ein bisschen dauern, damit es sich zurückhält. Von, glaube ich, dem 1-2-Kombi, das vorhanden ist. Und ich sage dir was. I feel like I'm a teenager again. When I was a teenager, I had cystic acne.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Cystic acne is not like... It's also the annoying little zits that are all over the place in clusters and all that other stuff. But then it's cystic acne. Huge, big zits that are... Tannisch? Tan. Tan. Well, that's it, too. That's it. So, I'll tell you the story.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

2762.46

So, I started to feel like maybe I needed to use something besides my good looks to impress people, because I wasn't that good looking with this cystic acne all over my face. I would start to be funny. It was a defense mechanism, essentially, I think. And then that went on. So... Stereoides in the meat. So, my mom drags me to the dermatologist. I've tried everything.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

2800.549

I've tried Retin-A, I've tried Clearacel, I've tried oral medication to dry out my skin, all this other stuff. New product on the market called Accutane. Now. Accutane? Ich denke nicht, dass sie es ausgeben.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

2816.307

Oh, er war.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

2820.65

Es schadet deinem Blut. Es kann deine Kinnchen schaden. Aber das Schlimmste daran ist, dass es dich zu Suizid machen kann. Oh Gott. Es ist bekannt, zu induzieren, Suizidal Ideation. Es f***** mit deinem Gehirn, auch. Es ist ein schrecklicher, schrecklicher Drogen. Aber damals war es ein Wunder. Das war das Ding.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

2837.123

Ja. So my doctor, my dermatologist said, you got a pretty bad case of acne. I mean, you got it on your face, on your chest, on your back. Like, let's get you on this Accutane. You know, you got to take, I think it was first 30 or 60 days, something like that. And you take it. And I took it religiously. Now, let me tell you, it did fuck with my brain. It sent me into some weird tailspin.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

2858.12

And now that I look back on it, now knowing what I know, I realized that I wasn't going crazy. I was just taking a weird drug. But that period of my life, like that 90 days or whatever that I was taking it, or around the time that I was taking it, I was in some weird emotional tailspin, for sure. Also going on in my house, too, so it was hard to tell what was going on.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

2883.958

Like 13, 14? I was 15 when I started taking it. My first girlfriend. Dramatic drama. Hormones kicking. I love you. I would die for you. I'd die for you. Robin Hood hat just come out. So, I take this drug and your face just starts peeling at some point. Wiederholt, unendlich teilen, teilen, teilen. Es leidet deine Haut aus. Das ist, was es tut. Es stoppt die Ölproduktion in deinem Körper.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Und ich denke, das ist, was es tut. Das ist, wie es mir beschrieben wurde. Also geht es. Also, mein Arzt erklärt mir, dass, hey, hör mal. Also, ich muss, ich muss diesen Check-up machen, wie einmal jede drei Wochen. Ich muss da rein, weißt du, und er sagt, okay. Okay, it's working and now the peeling part starts. It didn't end. It just went on for like two and a half straight months.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

292.978

Du kriegst es in diese, wie eine Platte mit kleinen Böllen in sie. Wie kleine, kleine, kleine Böllen.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

2935.392

I was just peeling all the time. And it was really weird and gross and, you know, I hated it. And I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to throw myself into the McDonald's fry basket. I did. I was like, this is terrible. Und meine Haut war so rot.

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Es war schrecklich. Und glücklicherweise hatte ich einige gute Freunde um mich herum, die mir nicht geholfen haben, obwohl ich bemerkte, dass sie nicht um mich herum essen wollten. Aber hey, hör mal, was machst du? Aber, Mann, hat es funktioniert. Und es hat einen verdammten Charme funktioniert.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

2969.316

Ich meine, nach sechs Monaten, was die ganze Duration ist, nach sechs Monaten, glaube ich nicht, dass ich noch einen anderen cystischen Akne-Bereich wieder hatte. But my doctor explained to me, hey, listen, dude.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

2985.183

If you could make it past suicide.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

2989.126

If you could make it past the unalive part, you're going to be great. But no one knew this at the time because it was a brand new drug on the market. And so there hadn't been a lot of, it hadn't been out long enough for anybody to know. And I'm telling you what, work like a charm. It was six months of huge fucking rollercoaster and really dark, deep, weird thoughts.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

3009.179

But again, you're a teenager too, so those are coming anyway, right? It's just amplified by this weird drug that you're taking. And then, so we get toward the end of the course now, and he said, listen, we'd have no idea how long this is going to work for, but it's likely not to last for the rest of your life. So, you know...

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

301.383

Oh, das ist ein weiteres Vergnügen, das ich zusammenfassen könnte. Escargot, nicht mein Favorit. Also in dort waren, und es war wie, der Eis war wie, es gab ein bisschen dreckiges Eis. Es war wie, du weißt, dieser Art von Schmuck, der aus dem Eis kommt.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

3027.766

It's not a bad idea just to keep a little sun on your face, keep it dry, wash it frequently, all that other stuff. The stuff that dermatologists were saying at the time about Accutane and the thoughts that they had around acne, which is dry out your skin, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So, that's part of the reason... It kind of got me hooked on sun. Yeah, on sun. I love sun.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

3050.421

Now I'm all about sun and I think it's helping my skin. Yada, yada, yada. So, but I'll tell you what, when you have this kind of one-two combo of putting this fluorosil on your face and then also possibly shingles, it's so fucking painful. And it's so red. This feels like the worst sunburn I have ever had in my entire life. It's so fucking painful. And I want to hide my face. It doesn't look bad.

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3074.107

Ich weiß nicht, es sieht jetzt schlecht aus, aber ich sage dir was, über den Wochenende war es wütend. Und ich habe das, by the way, nicht mehr genommen, wie, ich weiß nicht, sechs Tage, fünf Tage ago, als ich dachte, ich hätte Schingels rübergekommen, war ich so, okay, okay, das ist genug. Ja. Aber du musst manchmal deinen Partner verurteilen, oder?

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

3101.147

Du musst einfach manchmal deinen Partner verurteilen. Also bin ich so, hey, wir sind bereit, Donnerstag, was auch immer. Und ich schaue mich in die Augen und denke mir, oh mein Gott, das ist schrecklich. Ich hasste es so viel, dass ich eine Maske anhatte, bevor ich nach Starbucks ging. Bis zum nächsten Mal. Tschüss. And I go, babe, I think everybody notices this. It's like so bad. It's terrible.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

313.749

Und er hat es runtergelegt und da war was, was wie ein Baby-Octopus aussah. Ein kleiner Octopi. Und ich war so, oh, okay, ich mag einen kleinen Octopi. Ich mag das nicht, das ist gut. Es sah nicht gekocht aus, aber okay, was auch immer. Wahrscheinlich geben sie mir nichts, was mich töten wird. Wahrscheinlich.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

3136.529

She goes, don't worry. No one's going to notice. It just looks like a little bit of redness on your cheek. Don't worry about it. I'm like, I hurt so bad. She goes, don't worry about it. No one's going to notice. So we walk in to this birthday party at this Chuckie fucking cheese.

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Das war eine tolle Party. Nicht die Geburtstagsparty, sondern die Kinder schreien und weinen und fragen für mehr Geld. Aber es war eine tolle Party. Ich komme rein und alle Leute, die ich kenne, alle, alle, in drei Sekunden sprechen zu mir. Was ist mit deinem Gesicht passiert? I was in a fight with Mike Tyson. What do you want? What do you want from me?

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

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And every time I look over at Astrid and Astrid's like... She's like... It's not that bad. So, okay. So then Sunday morning, we got more social functions to go to and we're going to go to my mom's, right? My mom's going to have lunch for the Thanksgiving because she's got to stay in the place. She can't get up the stairs here. So right now. So I'm like, honey, it looks bad again. It looks so bad.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

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I wish it would calm down. No, it looks better. You look fine. It looks better today. You're fine. Everything's going to be Great. No one's gonna notice. Don't worry about it. We walk in to this private room that my mom got, like the facility to have a little party. And we walk in. And what's the first fucking thing my mother... What happened to your face? I don't even answer.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

3224.078

I'm like... And Astrid's like, oh, it's a thing. Don't mention it, Vicky. Don't mention it. So now there's this like second party that we got to go to. And we're driving home for my mom's. And I'm like, I told you, babe, it looks bad. It feels bad. It's like, it's just so bad. And she's like, okay, you know what? I'm going to give you a break here. You don't have to go to the second thing.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

3252.236

Okay, we can just like, go ahead, stay home. I'll take the kids to go home. And I'm like, honestly, I would not normally, Right, right. Don't even get started with me. Don't! Don't start with me, woman.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

333.663

Und dann, als ich die Schnauze genommen habe, als ich eine gekriegt habe, habe ich gemerkt, dass die Tentakel wickelnd waren.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

3331.325

I know. Now I got a fresh start. Oh my God. That's where my brain goes. I got a fresh start. Oh my God. I don't know if I'll be doing, well listen, I don't know if I'll be doing suntanning anymore, but I will.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

3355.45

I know, but it's just not the same. I don't want to be like Donald Trump, walking around with two raccoon eyes and half my face sprayed, but the other half not. And two, I have a bald head. So if I'm going to spray tan, we got to go all the way. I got a little bit of hair on top. Do you know what I'm saying?

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Because if someone spray tans me, because I've done this before, I've done the spray tan, someone spray tans me, there's going to be these lines around my hair. And how do I handle that? I'm gonna look like an idiot.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

3387.65

You gave me something. And then this girl at the tanning bed... I did spray tan for a while. And it didn't look terrible. It looked okay. But then this girl at the tanning bed sold me on the $700 whatever. I swear to God, I have more lotions in there from that tanning place. I swear to God, that tanning place gets me every fucking time. She's like... Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

343.89

Was it in water? No, no, no, no. It was just sitting there. Yes, they were so chilled that they were like sleeping, right? They were like in that state of, oh shit, my body just shut down. Because of course it's a cold-blooded animal. So it just kind of just went to sleep, I guess. I don't know, Chrissy. Oh Gott! Und ich dachte mir, oh Scheiße, das ist ein live Baby-Octopus.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

3431.235

Und dann kriegt sie mich mit diesem Selbst-Tanner. Und ich sage, hör mal, ich weiß nicht, wie lange ich noch die Realität machen möchte. Du hast so einen Tanner, ich weiß nicht, wie du es nennst, oder was auch immer. Und sie sagt, ich verwende das, es ist großartig. Und ich verwende es. Und ich verliere den Kommerzial-Break-Orange am nächsten Tag. Ich habe noch andere Sachen.

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3457.705

Ja, ja.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

3474.753

Nein.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

3478.758

Ich meine, er hat es nicht. Die Geschichte von zwei Städten.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

3487.468

Oh, er macht das? Wie der ernsthafte Hautkanzer? Ja.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

3498.437

I'm adamant about the self-checking all the time, because I have freckles too, I'm Irish, so I gotta be really careful, because what can appear to be a freckle may not be a freckle, right? And so... Yeah, we both go for full body scans once a year. So do I. Once a year. And the doctor always says, looks great. Nothing to be concerned about, right? Nothing to be concerned about.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

3517.946

And I had this little patch on my face. And one day I woke up and it was red. And I was like, oh, that's weird. I don't remember hitting myself. And he said, well... Es könnte diese Kiesosis sein oder was auch immer du es nennst. Es ist nicht kankerlos, es ist pre-kankerlos, aber es ist nicht gefährlich. Es macht einfach runde Stücke.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

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Und er sagt, oder es könnte diese andere Art sein, die, wie du weißt, ein bisschen abschreckender ist, aber wir könnten es einfach ausbrechen. Und er sagt, also, was du tun musst, ist, dass du das Fluorosoracil machst und schauen kannst, wie es reagiert. Richtig. Und ich denke, es ist nicht der gefährliche Art. Aber der Punkt ist, dass du dein Körper immer beobachten musst. Definitiv.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

3556.978

Du musst das tun. Und dann haben Astrid und ich, wir haben diese, er hat uns diese Karte gegeben und es ist so, das ist, was man suchen muss, richtig? Und so kannst du die Selbstrechnungen machen oder du kannst die Partnerrechnungen machen. Check your partner and check all over. He looks under my scrotal.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

3573.672

Does your dermatologist go vulva? No. Okay, just checking. Well, then they're not doing it. I mean, listen, he asked me, anything weird in your butthole? That's what he asks me. Like, anything weird in your butthole? Now or before? What's that?

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

3589.957

Yeah, now or before? When? Right now? I don't know. Is your finger up there? What's going on? What are we doing, Doc? I didn't come here for a full rectal examination. I came here to check my skin. And he's like, skin's everywhere, dude. Biggest organ on your body. That's true. Do yourself checks. Check your tits, check your dick, check your skin. Yeah, check it all. That's the moral of our story.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

3615.589

Another great PSA.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

3618.711

Like commercial. Check your butt, check your boobs, check your balls. Check it all. Check it all. Check everything. You gotta check. It's your body. You take care of it. No one's gonna do it for you. Even the doctors get it wrong sometimes. Take it from a guy who spent almost 20 years with a body full of calcium. Like I was eating a calcium stick. Like I had a calcium lick to my face.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

3651.914

It really is. To be sick for so long and not even... Und dann Indikate zu haben, dass das passiert und niemand darauf aufmerksam zu haben, ist furchtbar. Und deshalb sage ich, es ist auf dich. Es ist auf dich. Du musst es tun. Danke Gott für meinen neuen Arzt. Danke Gott für ein paar Ärzte, die einfach zusammengekommen sind und gesagt haben, oh, das sieht nicht normal aus. Ja, okay, all right.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

3675.404

So, listen, 12 days of TCB right around the corner. We can't wait for you to tune in. We can't wait for you to tune in because we're going to work hard to make sure it's good or at least acceptable. And I might even check out facts. Back in action, coming on Netflix, January 17th, 2025. I'm sure it's going to be lovely, Jamie and Cameron. So, 12 Days of TCB, 13th through the 25th.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

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All brand new episodes right through Christmas Day. We can't wait to deliver them. And then back the next week for more episodes. It's crazy. We basically are doing episodes. We're doing episodes like 20 of the 31 days in December. So enjoy. We hope you do.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

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www.tcbpodcast.com for your free sticker audio and video and youtube.com slash the commercial break for now all episodes of the commercial break on youtube and spotify christy that's all i can do for right now i think so tell you that i love you and i love you best to you best to you best to you out there in the podcast universe until next time christy and i do say we will say and we must say goodbye

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3797.042

I get ass.

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390.483

Und ich habe es in meinen Mund gelegt und es hat sich umgewandelt. Und ich konnte es fühlen und ich habe es gespürt. Ich habe es nicht getrunken. Ich habe es gespürt und ich konnte es fühlen, wie es sich umgewandelt hat. Absolut schrecklich. Es gab nichts, ich erinnere mich nicht an den Geschmack, aber ich erinnere mich an alle Texturen. Sie hat es nicht gegessen, Scheiße.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

411.357

Du musst mich verarschen. Also gab es, glaube ich, fünf von ihnen in dieser kleinen Sache. Und wir haben nur vier von ihnen da sitzen lassen. Und am Ende haben sie wirklich angefangen, sich umzudrücken. Und ich war so. Und dann kam der Wanderer zurück und ich war so, die sind lebendig. Die sind nicht gekocht, lebendig. Und er war einfach so, du weißt.

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429.568

Er hat mich gebeten, als ob ich etwas Großartiges gemacht hätte. Aber dann, als die Nacht losging, habe ich bemerkt, dass wir nicht die Einzigen waren, die dieses Gericht bekommen haben. Und es waren auch andere Menschen, die es auch gegessen haben. Und ich dachte, wow, das ist ehrgeizig. Das ist der frischste Art von Sushi, den man bekommen kann. Das ist der Art, der noch wach ist.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

448.655

Und es war nicht lecker. Und ich erinnere mich nicht daran, dass der Rest der Mahlzeit nicht so lecker war. Was ich erinnere, ist der 280-Dollar-Bill, den ich am Ende bekommen habe. Ich meine, es war teuer. Natürlich. Ja. Because when you have a restaurant with 10 seats, you're going to have to charge everybody $1,000 in order to make it work.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

466.042

When you have even a room in a basement in Berkeley, it's going to be expensive. Yes. Wow. So that for sure is at the top of my list. And then one time we went to a restaurant here, Cooks and Soldiers, which I love very much. I love Cooks and Soldiers. It's a great restaurant. I didn't know, but when I worked at Chili's, there was a waiter that I worked with there. And I considered him kind of a...

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

491.983

Kind of a nudnik, you know what I'm saying? Not the smartest, sharpest tool in the shed, but he was nice enough. He just always seemed to need help doing something, like rolling silverware was a challenge, you know what I'm saying? How do you roll this silverware again? You'd be like, really, dude? It's...

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It's 50 cent silverware that you could bend with two fingers rolled in a piece of tissue paper. I mean, how hard can this be? Right. And he it just was always everything was a challenge. Well, where do we get the ramekins? They're sitting right in front of you. How do you put ice cream on a thing? And it just went on for like years. He didn't know how to do anything.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

529.224

But then all of a sudden, he's like the general manager at this really... And not all of a sudden, but like 10 years later, he's the general manager at this really nice restaurant. And I was pleasantly surprised. I thought, wow. You did. You found out where the ramekins go. Congratulations. You know where the ramekins go. It's all great. But, you know, I think that...

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

54.903

Es kommt alles wieder zurück zu P. Diddy. Es kommt alles wieder zurück zu Baby Oil. This is a conspiracy by Big Oil, Baby Oil. Big Corporate Baby Oil. Big Corporate Baby Oil wants us to believe that P. Diddy was the reason Baby Oil was sold out during the pandemic. But no, no, don't you believe it for a second. Big Baby Oil knows different.

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Big Corporate Baby Oil

549.973

I think he knew that I felt like he was a little bit of a dumbass, like back then. But he treated us so wonderfully when we showed up to this restaurant. He was like, oh my God, it's been years. What are you doing? Oh, here's my new wife. Everyone's very pleasant to each other. I thought, please don't talk about the cocaine margaritas. Please don't talk about the cocaine margaritas.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

571.418

Please don't bring any of that up. Please don't bring up anything that ever happened then. This is my new... I hadn't known Astrid for all that long at the time. I think we were together for about a year, year and a half. And he said, let me do it. You guys order the entrees, the rest, let me take care of it. Okidoki, smoky, pokey. First thing that comes out is some kind of carpaccio.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

589.185

Delicious, beautiful, lovely. Second thing that comes out is... octopus, right? But actually cooked this time, right? So, lovely. Polpo, Polpo's traditional Spanish way with a little paprika, salt, pepper, boiled, lovely. And then the third thing that comes out, he says, I'm not going to tell you what this is. I just want you to try it first. You're going to love it.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

611.951

And Astrid smartly stayed away from it. And me and Rafa were there and we were like, oh, okay, it looked like a steak. Like it looked like a piece of, not like steak, like maybe like a, like a liver piece. Wie ein Pate oder so etwas. Und ich dachte mir, das ist Foie Gras. Das ist Foie Gras. Das ist, was das ist. Und so haben wir es gegessen. Es hatte einen bestimmten Geschmack von Blut.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

635.785

Ja, wie wenn du dich kippst, deine Finger und du riechst es. Du weißt, es ist wie das ironische Geschmack. Ironische Geschmack, ja. Du kannst es sogar riechen, richtig? Du kannst das Ironisch riechen. Und in der ersten Schnauze, die ich genommen habe, war es so, oh, das riecht, als ob ich nur mein eigenes Blut trinke. Das ist, das ist schrecklich. Und, äh, kein Scheiß, wie...

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

652.458

I don't know, 10 minutes later he comes back. By the way, Rafa's gobbling it up. He's like, this is delicious. I love this. This is fantastic. And I'm like, of course, of course. You lived in Costa Rica. You were literally picking stuff off the ground and eating it at one point. I mean, honestly. Rafa claimed he was growing jalapenos in Costa Rica one time. And he's like, you love jalapenos?

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

673.838

I love jalapenos. Right. Now you feel it.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

727.211

It's beef heart. And I was, uh. And I know this is like a delicacy for some people, like really like beef heart. But not for me. That was not for me. Bowls, testicles. I've had those, the Rocky Mountain Oysters. Those are.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

742.141

I have. I don't. Now I stick to like, you know, cream and cereal. I've had my moments in the sun. I've decided. I will share that Rocky Mountain Oysters were not as good as some people claim, but not as bad as you would think. It is kind of somewhere in the middle. And they're fried, like it's anything that's fried. Everything that's fried has kind of the same taste.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

767.176

It tastes like fried food, is what it tastes like. What's the best bite of food you've ever had?

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

789.281

Oh, well, there you go. That's bold. Your favorite bite of food is a mashed potato.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

797.787

That's really good.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

804.711

It's really hard. Yeah, because I also think it has to do with the moment that you're in, the place that you're at, the company that you're keeping, the smells in the restaurant, maybe even the tunes in the background. It all has to do with... I think there's two. One is... A steak I had in... Nicht in Valencia, aber ein Steak, das ich in der nördlichen Region von Spanien hatte.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

829.52

Ich kann mich nicht erinnern, in welcher Stadt ich gerade war. Und sie sind bekannt, wie Portugal, Nordspanien. Sie sind bekannt für ihr Steak, für ihr Fleisch und für die Art, wie sie es ähneln. Und wie sie jeden Teil des Hauses verwenden und wie ihre Zähne perfekt sind. Und das ist, was sie tun. Und für Eons haben sie das gleiche gemacht. So, we go to this town to go see Astrid's grandfather.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

855.044

Her grandfather has a best friend that lives down the street. So this best friend comes, Astrid, me, Astrid's father, Astrid's pregnant with Matthias at the time, with our child. Aww. Und hier sind die sieben von uns. Und Astrid, sie nennt ihn einen Onkel, aber er ist nicht wirklich ein Onkel.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

877.487

Dieser beste Freund von Astrids Großvater ist so gespannt, mich in dieses Restaurant zu nehmen, um dieses Steak zu bekommen. Ah, das ist schön. Wir fahren ein bisschen außerhalb der Stadt. We go to this restaurant. It is a beautiful restaurant in this old building. It's rather large, kind of cavernous, well lit. It's the afternoon. There's not a lot of people there.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

902.104

They put us at this big round table. They come to take the order and the... I'm going to call it, say, the uncle, right? Says... In Spanisch, I got this, right? I got this. Let me order for you. And he's like, you want a steak? And I'm like, I want a steak. Give me a steak. He orders this steak. And Chrissy, the piece of meat, it's a cow. A cow shows up to the table.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

92.83

Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chrissy.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

928.51

Ich kann nicht fünf Pounder Fleisch in einer Stadt essen. This thing is huge and it is absolutely spectacular. It is delicious. Now, I only took like six bites of it, because there's only so much food that you can eat in one sitting. I only took six bites of it. And then, of course, I try to pay the check, but no one will allow me to do that.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

965.985

Because I just ordered a six, someone just ordered a $600 steak for me. And like, now I feel bad that I only took three bites of it. But I mean, what did they want me to do? Right? I don't know. I'm just a boy. I'm just a boy with a small appetite eating live octopus in a strange place in a basement in Berkeley.

The Commercial Break

Big Corporate Baby Oil

986.501

But I think that if that's not my favorite bite of food, my favorite bite of food would have been pulpo, octopus, done the traditional Spanish way in the... In a market in Madrid in their very famous square. Like they, you know, they have a lot of squares there. There's squares everywhere. There's a square and that square. Guadalupe Square. And yes, there's squares.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

1007.006

Sometimes in the comedic ensemble, there's one standout. Like, oh, Steve Carell's really good in that movie. You know, in 40-Year-Old Virgin. Then there's a couple other throwaway lines. But in this ensemble specifically... so many seasons, so good, everybody is comedically on point.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

1023.753

And I think that's what makes the show so brilliant, much like a Christopher Guest movie, is that everybody is stealing the scenes. And I think that's a testament to the writers and a testament to you and the team who are gelling so well. And yeah, again, I don't know how you get... I know that it takes an extra... It'll get an extra 10 minutes on your...

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

103.401

Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

1043.118

I don't know how you don't just giggle your way through it.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

1071.246

Oh, man. Yeah, it's one of the first, I think, foodie towns. It really puts the southeast on the map. I mean, Charleston is one of my favorite cities in the country for so many reasons. It's quaint, but it's large enough that you've got everything. The food scene is there. It's one of the most visually appealing cities in the country. The history. Yeah, and the history.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

1091.078

Does HBO give you a nice mansion on the island over there? Yeah, or downtown. What's the scene for... Do they hook you up with a nice condo on Rainbow Row?

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

111.547

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us on a TCB Infomercial Tuesday.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

116.731

Coming at you with our new best friend, who I'm sure we just become buddy-buddy with everybody, Chrissy. I know, I love him. Tim Baltz is here. And if you don't know that name, you know that face. You know that guy. He's been in some... Some rather prestigious television shows. The Righteous Gemstones.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

1181.844

Yeah, it's not the same vibe. Wilmington and Charleston, not the same vibe. Wilmington, beautiful in its own way. Yeah, I love it. I love that idea. I love the idea that you're like at Sullivan's Island filming what will become one of the best comedy television series of a generation.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

1198.993

And I think probably, I got to imagine, and we have so many comedians on this show, and obviously you're a comedic actor, but We don't talk to many actors like proper right people who are doing these big shows that must lend to the vibe on set when it feels like we're in a nice place. We're having fun. We're riding our bikes to work. We're going out to dinner with each other.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

1224.092

There must be something magical that's happening in on and off set. And that must lend to what you see on the screen, that vibe, I would imagine.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

1354.731

Have you worked with directors or on shows or in whatever it is where the directors, the writers, the producers really have an iron grip over their vision? And it's like, I hear it in my head this way. You need to play it this way. And then you get to Righteous Gemstones and they say, you own the character.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

136.531

In its fourth season and its final season. Better Call Saul. He made a guest appearance that was great. I just re-watched it last night. It's a little appearance, but a big impact. Little appearance, big impact. Yeah. Better Call Saul, he now has Shrink, which is available, I believe, on Peacock. Yes. And Deli Boys, which is getting really good reviews on Hulu.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

1375.93

And if it doesn't feel right to you, then I want to hear what you have to say or I want to I want to hear you. how you would interpret what's on the page. Is there, does it feel better one way or the other? Just depend on the situation. Do you like that as an actor for someone to tell you, this is how it is. And I envision it this way. And this is my vision. I want you to follow it.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

1394.823

And then the, you know, you're having the opposite experience. What feels better to you? It just depends on the situation.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

1564.978

It's like they're moving in a direction so I don't have to babysit them. And they're giving color to this character that I created. And maybe... I don't know because I've never been on a set, but I know you hear the stories that there are people like James Cameron who it's my way or it's the highway and I don't give a shit and he's not tactful about it.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

157.493

I haven't seen it, but I look forward to watching it.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

1585.391

And then there's very collaborative directors and writers who say, I see it this way, but I hired you for the part.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

1606.403

Or whatever. Absolutely. Are you kidding? Avatar back end? Yes. Yeah. That's amazing that that guy has just had a strength. I mean, just a run. Everything he does. Yeah, everything he does turns to a billion dollar goal.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

162.456

Oh, he does? What's his character in the show?

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

1635.592

You're not crying about the movie. I'm missing the billion dollar opportunity.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

1641.679

well she hasn't done too bad herself either so um so tell me about um the deli boys because so shrink critically acclaimed uh righteous gemstones critically acclaimed very funny and then our deli boys is getting great reviews also so tell us about deli boys because this just this just dropped along with righteous gemstones also yeah what like two less than two weeks ago or something um

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

1760.226

Give our audience a flavor of what Deli Boys is about for those who haven't seen it.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

177.041

Oh, really? Okay. I'm interested to see this show. Isn't this about like a group of like gas station guys who turn into a gang or something like that?

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

1775.252

I'm about that all day long. Guy Ritchie meets Succession. That sounds good to me.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

1962.435

He is brilliant. He's a genius. And you haven't seen much of him lately. And so that's crazy that he just pops out of the woodwork. Hey, I'm babysitting. I don't mind coming in and doing a day worth of work.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

199.665

Ah, okay, there's the Deli Boys. Yeah, I read a summary of it.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

2021.495

We have those moments all the time here because it can be a little bit surreal. They say there's like an old saying that never meet your heroes, right? Because they may not be what you They're never going to be what you see on TV or whatever. That's the character that they're playing or that's the jokey part of them on stage.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

2037.807

But so many times I've found that when the person is sitting in front of us and we're kind of, you know, fanboying or fangirling or we really like their work. that they end up being so much cooler than we ever thought they would be. And, you know, we've met so many of our heroes already here.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

205.248

Ah, very fascinating. With that auntie. Very good. All right, well, Tim, he plays, what is the name of his character on Righteous Gemstones?

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

2055.317

But 90% of the time, I have to say, I find myself engaged in just like a normal man's conversation, normal person's conversation with them. And I'm like, wow, they really are cool on the outside of their character or outside of whatever they're doing. They're doing on stage. You I want to talk to you about shrink a little bit because this show critically acclaimed.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

2076.691

How did you come up with the idea?

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

214.972

BJ. Oh, yeah, that's right. BJ, yeah.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

216.293

He is the husband of, what's her name?

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

224.377

BJ Barnes. He's BJ Barnes on the show. He's hilarious. He is so good in this show. Everybody is great in this show. They are all just scene stealers. It's hard. Chrissy and I were talking beforehand, and we came to the conclusion that Righteous Gemstones and that whole line of Danny McBride ensemble cast stuff is similar to...

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

2322.159

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

246.983

The 80s and 90s when Christopher Guest was knocking it out of the park on every single improv movie that he did. And, you know, Christopher Guest, all those movies I think are like 95% improv. They have a bullet point and they're trying to get there, but the rest is improv. And I know Danny has scripts, but it's so funny and so good and so well done that...

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

2491.755

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

268.445

that it reminds me of the gut-busting movies.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

2699.776

Thank you.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

271.567

Oh, yeah, the parodies.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

272.628

The parodies.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

273.608

Yes, it's so good. And Righteous Gemstones is so on point. It's so prescient.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

2804.81

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The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

281.534

Preachers.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

285.236

It's hard to preach on a full dick.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

289.413

Good old Carl. I was watching some videos of Carl the other day. Oh, yeah. Carl's back on the scene. He is? Yeah, but he's like a reformed man now. He believes in Jesus, but not without all the pomp and circumstance. And I don't believe any of it. This is another way for him to try and make money. I'm sure there's a money grab somewhere here. It's the year of our Lord, the money grab.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

2911.664

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The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

2962.439

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The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

2969.341

P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. in in in in in in in in in in, la, en, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la la la la la la la la la in a and a and a and a and a and a and a and

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3003.516

Yes, mine too.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3033.568

Yeah.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

310.473

That's what it is. Everyone's trying to fuck everybody else over so we can all make an extra buck because the end of the world is right around the corner. And we all want to live a little bit of luxury before we die. That's that's how I feel. That's how I feel.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3132.656

Yeah. They phone it in because, you know, it's not the attention is not on me. You know, you do your thing and I'll say the lines. So at least you have some some background and respect for him. You know. I think you're on a run here, kid. I think you're on a run here. And I gotta say, I mean, there's, you know, this is 45 minutes that we're talking to you. We could go on and on. Oh, yeah.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3155.917

Comedy bang bang. That is my flavor of hot sauce. What was it, Maurice Flatbottom? All these characters you play, I just love it because the commercial break is a lot that way. You know, we do these sketches at the beginning of the show. And Comedy Bang Bang has some similar ilk, doing it a lot longer than we have and much better.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3175.268

But, you know, some of these characters that you play, I just love it. And your roots are in improv. I think that's probably served you well inside of some of these television shows. Yeah. Because you have the ability to be really flexible and versatile. It shows you're really good. You're all scene stealers, but there are some scenes where it's just clear that your character has taken the cake.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3198.702

You've got the deli boys.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3201.084

Deli Boys is on Hulu, right?

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3204.166

And you've got Righteous Gemstones on Max. And then you've got Peacock. You have Shrink. Comedy Bang Bang lives forever on the RSS feed, so you can go listen to that podcast. It's, I think, one of the first places. We did some advertising for our show to grow the show early on when no one was going to listen to the show anyway, even if they heard it.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3223.877

But Comedy Bang Bang was one of those first places.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

323.059

You know. So anyway, so Tim's here. He's also from Joliet, Illinois, which is in near Chicago and very close to my hometown. So I feel like we're already friends in some way. Chicago is this weird place. There's a line in West Wing. where the president is talking to his chief of staff and says something about Chicago.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3261.673

I want to talk to you about Joliet. I want to talk about Oak Forest. I want to talk to you about the Cubs and the Bears and the Blackhawks and all the, you know, if you like the White Sox, you're from Indiana. But hey, that's what my dad used to say to me. My grandpa used to say it to us. And then my dad carried on the tradition. He says, you're from Chicago, son.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3280.746

So you like the Bulls, the Bears, the Blackhawks and the Cubs. And if you ever like the White Sox, move to Indiana. And I said, But we'll forgive the White Sox fans. We'll forgive the White Sox. They have a long storied history themselves. It's just, you know, Comiskey and Wrigley, two different places. So Tim Baltz, I'm going to put the links in all the show notes.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3301.898

I'll put a link to the Patreon where you can go listen to it. It's on Patreon, you said? Yeah, the Comedy Bang Bang Patreon.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3308.803

I'll make sure I find a link. I'll put it on there. I'm going to put a link to all three of the network television shows that Tim has now got out there in the universe. And congratulations on all your success. We wish that you come back so we can dig deeper into the universe of Tim. I feel like 45 minutes, we're just scratching the surface.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3329.386

Okay, well, I know, I know your people. So your people are my people. So we'll call them and we'll get this all hooked up. Awesome. Tim, Tim Baltz. Thank you very much, my friend.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3339.021

All the best. Thank you.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3402.372

I'm going to tell a story that Tim didn't tell recorded, but I'm going to tell the story. I'm going to relay the story. So Tim and I were commiserating about being long-suffering Cubs fans before we got on to the actual recording. And he was like, oh, well, at least we have 2016 when the Cubs won the World Series.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3420.603

And I said, yeah, you know, and every time someone says Cubs won the World Series, I have to tell them that I almost went if I had $10,000 in my pocket. And he was explaining that he... was going to go. He was there in Chicago around that time, but he got flown out to L.A. for whatever reason.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3436.792

He goes to a bar on Game 7 when they won, and he's standing by himself at a table, and someone hits a home run in the first inning, which really... It's an indication things are going well for the Cubs, essentially.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

344.369

And the chief of staff goes, or the president goes, Chicago is one of those weird places that everybody who has ever been there is from Chicago and they love Chicago, but they don't live there currently. It's so true. It's so true. Well, you would spend a winter in Chicago and see how it goes down with you.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3449.538

And because Cubs fans are so fucking superstitious, there were other Cubs fans in that same bar who were like, you cannot move from that table because it's so superstitious that if anything changes, then maybe the Cubs are going to lose. And that's how it goes when you're a Cubs fan.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3466.846

So they made him stand there the entire night watching the game, and they would bring him food and water and drinks and stuff like that. And he had friends at tables in the corner, and they were like, come on, man. And he's like, I can't move. I can't move. I got to stand right here at this bar table for four and a half hours while the Cubs win the World Series. And they did. And they won.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3486.291

And we all cried. And Tim Baltz is awesome. What a good guy.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3491.253

Yeah. I enjoyed it. I like Tim.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3496.283

I wish there was going to be another season of Righteous Gemstones, but, you know, we got four. That's better than most.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3505.51

Yes, I agree.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3508.792

I totally agree with you. There are shows that I re-watch over and over and over again. Kath and Kim, The West Wing, Benny Dorm. Benny Dorm is the most terrible show you've ever seen in your entire life, by the way. I rewatch it at night. It's like comfort food. It's like, this is so bad, I know I'll fall asleep to it.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3530.069

Sometimes I'll go to sleep on, like, episode one, and then I'll wake up.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3533.893

And the next day it's on 13. Yeah. I was like, wow, that played for 13 hours. And I wonder why my phone's always dead in the morning. All right, Tim Baltz. I'm going to put all of the pertinent details, links to the Righteous Gemstones, links to his Hulu show, Deli Boys, and links to the Peacock. A critically acclaimed show, Shrink. Go watch it. Who knows?

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

3555.811

Maybe they'll raise that from the dead and give them another season or something like that. Yeah, they should. And Comedy Bang Bang. He's got his own podcast, Behind the Paywall. I'll give you a link. Comedy Bang Bang is great, by the way. If you like the commercial break, it's like a much better version of the commercial break. They do mostly all improv, and it's really funny.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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And Reggie Watts is often on Comedy Bang Bang. So go listen to some of our friends over at Comedy Bang Bang. Okay, for us, as far as we're concerned, you can go to our website, tcbpodcast.com. All the audio, all the video right there at one location. In case you need to catch up on, you know, 713 episodes of the commercial break, feel free to go to the website. It's all there.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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You can also get your free TCB swag by going to the Contact Us button. Hit the drop-down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your address, and we'll send you one. Add The Commercial Break on Instagram. Please follow us. TCB Podcast on TikTok. I don't even know what to say about TikTok. Just don't even bother. YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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For all you Dr. Phil fans out there, you can catch all of our episodes the same day, usually, that they air here on the audio feed. They will be dropped on the YouTube feed. Also, 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, leave us a voicemail. We might put you on the next show. All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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I'll tell you that I love you.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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I love you.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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Best to you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks to Tim for showing up today. Until next time, we will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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It's a bonding thing. When you're a Chicago kid, you're a Chicago kid. You'll always be a Chicago kid. I even I have friends who lived there for college years or right after college. They took a job or whatever. And it's like they claim they're from Chicago, even though they got there when they were 20 and left when they were 22.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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Yeah.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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They claim they're from Chicago for the rest of your life, because if you've ever been to Chicago, it's just one of the coolest fucking places on earth.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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It is like New York without the sharp elbows.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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Yeah, it's on the water. It's a big city. It's got a lot of personality. There are a lot of flavors of human beings that live there. Irish, Polish... Everything. You know, it's all there. It's a big melting pot. And it's got almost a little bit of Southern hospitality. Like people aren't going to say hi to you when you're walking down the street.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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But if you get into a conversation with them, they're going to be very nice.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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Because that's just how Chicago is. Chicago, we're nice people.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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That's right. We all suffered the same winter. So let us be nice to each other now that we can actually go outdoors. And if you don't think Chicago is cold in the winter, go to Chicago in the winter. It's fucking cold, man. It's fucking cold. Anyway, so Tim from Chicago. Then he moved to L.A. And he's what else has he done? He's been in so many episodes of comedy. Bang, bang, which is he's got.

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He wrote, produced, and I think directed some of the episodes of Shrink. When he was in Chicago, he wrote that, and then he moved off to L.A. Better Call Salt Veep. He was in Veep. He was in Parks and Recreation. He's in Drunk History. He's in a web comedy series that's called Bajillion Dollar Properties, which I watched an episode of. It's really funny.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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It's kind of mocking those Million Dollar Mansion, whatever those shows are. The most... Those ridiculous shows. You know those real estate agents that are on those shows? They are like certified millionaire. Those people are celebrities, number one. Number two, they're certified millionaires. Number three, they get a lot of press coverage.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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Those people who are in those television shows, especially that one that's on Bravo.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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Yeah, the million-dollar listing. They're like certified celebrities in their own right now.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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Yeah, and that seems to be like... It's too much for one person. You can have a job where you make a couple million dollars a year, or you can be a D-list celebrity, but you can't have both. And if the Real Housewives of Atlanta has taught us anything, it's that you can't have both. You can't be rich and somewhat famous.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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You have to be one or the other, because all of those women in the Real Housewives of Atlanta are one or the other. I'm telling you that right now. They're not both. That's candy. Except Kandi. Is Kandi both rich and famous? Oh, yeah. She's rich?

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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What does she do?

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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Oh, she is?

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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Yeah, you're right.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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Burris?

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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Candy Burris. Yeah, she used to come up to the studio.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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Okay, so Candy used to come up to the studio.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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And remember there was a studio next to the studio? There was like an actual music studio next to the studio called 12 Music or something like that. She would always be in there. There'd be a lot of celebrities would go in and out of that, the real studio. And then there was the fake studio where we were doing an internet radio show to no one. To no one.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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Yes. I remember the first day we actually broadcast, we had like 1,300 people on the stream. And I was so excited. I'm like, this is going to go straight to the moon. And every day we lost 100 people. Every day. We lost 100 people. For 13 days in a row until we had no one. I mean, sometimes I would look on that stream and it would say two.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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And I'd realize that there were two people downstairs watching the stream to make sure that it was on. And I was like, well, I guess tomorrow I could come in late.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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She did. Kimmy and Allie did it for us.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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a while I mean like on occasion you'd have a couple hundred people that would be watching but it wasn't very often that that would happen and most of the time it was in the tens or maybe a hundred people but then there was sometimes where like on a Monday where it would just be nobody nobody I'm talking about scam call FM in case you got go you'll have to you have to listen to every episode of the commercial break to know what I'm talking about so get started right now please go ahead there's a lady on the telephone that's saying she's going through the entire catalog of the commercial break wow and I'm like that's going to take you five years yeah

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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And that's if you listen to them back to back. I don't know how you're going to do that. Do you have kids or a job? Because that's not going to work. It's just not going to work. Okay. Anyway, Tim Baltz is here with us. Why don't we do this? Let's take a short break.

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And when we get back through the magic of telepodcasting, Chrissy, we are going to have Tim right here on this big screen in front of us so that we can talk to him and interrupt him every five seconds, according to most people on the internet.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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All right. We'll take a break. We'll be back with Tim.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large.

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And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything. You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Serea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. Tim's here with us now. Tim, thanks so much for joining us today.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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You are in the middle of a whirlwind of, there's an embarrassment of television with Tim Baltz in it because you've got Deli Boys, you've got Righteous Gemstones, Deli Boys getting great reviews, Righteous Gemstones, you have to have your head in a hole not to know what a funny, fantastic show that is. Oh my God. Chrissy and I were making comparisons as how human beings sometimes get through life.

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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And we were saying that we feel like Righteous Gemstones is like the Christopher Guest of our time. Like Righteous Gemstones and that crew doing... Such great comedic work. It's like the Christopher Guest of our time. You guys are just a group of human beings that are so fucking funny. Are you sad?

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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Yeah, how do you not laugh?

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TCB Infomercial: Tim Baltz

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You know, I think you're right about something in, in, in these shows, specifically this line, this lineage of shows with, um, with Danny McBride. Yeah. Obviously, Danny is a showstopper. He's a scene stealer. But there are no scene stealers in the ensemble. They're all scene stealers. You guys are all doing these nuggets where it's like, that is so fucking funny. And you're right about this.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Hey guys, have you heard of Collars & Co? Mark Cuban just invested $1 million in this company on Shark Tank. They make the original dress collar polo. It's a super soft four-way stretch polo, but the top has a firm dress collar on it. So, it gives you that dress shirt look, but with an extremely comfortable polo feel. They look sharp by themselves and killer with a sweater or blazer.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

1013.99

I've tried a lot of them. Really heavy drugs. I mean, she's on Prozac, right? Let's all just take a moment and listen to Blue. Can you hear that? Can they hear that? I'm sure they can. Blue! That's enough! Maybe Blue needed to walk down the red carpet. Down the red carpet, right out the back door and onto the major intersection.

The Commercial Break

An Oracle's Oracle!

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So many people write in, too, and it's like Blue is just part of the lexicon, right?

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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I know. What's going to happen when Blue's not here anymore? Will Blue outlive the commercial break? I think so. Probably. Probably. I'm going to be in a retirement home. I'm going to be 90. I'm going to be 107 years old.

The Commercial Break

An Oracle's Oracle!

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astrid's gonna be gone the kids are gonna have all their you know they're gonna have their own families i'm gonna be lonely as fuck and it's gonna be me and blue yelling at each other doing yet another episode of the commercial break what that's to you blue blue's got one eye i'm surprised she still has a voice left Yeah. Well, you know, and I've said this before.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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This is completely derailed this segment of the show, but whatever. I've said this before, but the dog psychiatrist, if you can believe there's such a thing, the dog psychiatrist, the dog behavioralist that is also like gets in their head or whatever. We've had a number of them. We had a number of them years ago. Look at Blue. Look at Blue. Examine Blue.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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We had a full workup on blue.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And what came back was this, this one guy, I think he just, at the end of the day, he just kind of threw his hands up in the air and he said, there is a condition, which we believe that like people who chew on their nails or have ticks or, you know, bite their fingernails or whatever, even though it's bad for you. And it's obviously a detrimental, meaning she gets scolded when this happens.

The Commercial Break

An Oracle's Oracle!

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She it gives her some comfort from the anxiety. It actually is calming her down, even though it's riling us up. It's calming her down.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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I am an oracle oracle, if you don't mind. An oracle oracle.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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She gets the attention. Well, not because she gets the attention, because it's just like a tick. It's like a nervous tick that she can't stop. Yeah, she can't help it. And I believe that I believe she really can't help it. And I really can't help yelling at her every time she does it. So it's me and her talking back and forth. Yeah.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And if you go into the kitchen and Chrissy knows this, if you go into the kitchen and you start talking, like if we start having a conversation, Blue must be included. She has to start barking. And it's absolutely obnoxious. So I don't know. I made this plea before. I'm not going to try and give her to anybody because I don't want you to suffer like I'm suffering.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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I want to try and minimize the suffering around the world. But if you have any clue about what to do with a dog that really honestly won't stop barking, please do let me know. And if don't tell me an electronic caller, we did that. She barked more. Don't tell me a trainer.

The Commercial Break

An Oracle's Oracle!

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Psychologist. You don't know how many trainers. CBD.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Like if there's some magic trick. Clicker. Clicker. Oh, we had the clicker.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Yeah, I know. Noemi had a shaker. She, like, put rocks in a tin can. That worked for 30 seconds. And then she barked at that. It worked for a minute because I think she gets nervous and then it just goes away. Anyway, Blue making her appearance on every episode. I'm sure of it. I'm sure there's a dog bark in all 700 episodes of the commercial break. Oh, there's 100%. There has got to be. Anyway.

The Commercial Break

An Oracle's Oracle!

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Okay. Well, listen, we're excited to be here with you today. Why don't we do this? Let's take a short break and we get back, Chrissy. I want to talk about a couple of things, including ice penis. It's a very dangerous condition that's going around. Ice penis. Wow. All right. We'll take a break. We'll be back.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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This podcast is brought to you in part by our good friends at Squarespace. I love talking about Squarespace because it's one of the tools that we use in our own business. Squarespace is the all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Using Squarespace, I've been able to launch multiple websites and even build a business around launching Squarespace websites because they make it easy, it looks super professional, and it gives you all of the tools that you need to be successful online. Let me give you a couple examples of those tools. One of our favorites is the new Design Intelligence from Squarespace.

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That reoccurring revenue everybody is looking for so your clients can get access to your content for one-time fees or subscriptions. and then you're definitely going to need a way to take the payments. Squarespace Payments is the easiest way to manage your payments and not get lost in a sea of coding. The onboarding is fast and simple.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And thanks to Squarespace for being a continuing sponsor of our small business and the commercial break. One of the best television shows of this decade is Severance on Apple TV. And I have been patiently waiting like everyone else for season two. Well, the wait is over. Our cup fill is over because on January 17th, Severance season two will be released.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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This genre-defying television show will blow your mind. It's hard to describe even one minute of it in the short amount of time that I have. So I'll tell you this. If you're a fan of dark comedy, sci-fi, romance, drama, dramedy, well-acted, well-written television shows, and or having your mind blown, this is the television show for you, my friend.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And now, The Severance Podcast with Adam Scott and Ben Stiller is available for free. Free on the Odyssey app or wherever you listen to your podcasts. And they are re-watching with us season number one. Every weekday until season number two is released, where they will then re-watch season two with us.

The Commercial Break

An Oracle's Oracle!

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kittens welcome back to the commercial break i'm brian green this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show chris and joy hoadley best to you chris best to you brian best to you out there in the podcast universe thanks for joining us here we are just reading that these super bowl commercials have reached an eye-watering eight million dollars for 30 seconds of airtime

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And they are going to give us an in-depth episode analysis with behind-the-scenes stories, fan questions, and guests from the show, like creator Dan Erickson, as well as John Trattoro and Britt Lauer. Plus, celebrity super fans like Jon Stewart, Kristen Bell, and Dax Shepard are going to stop by. This podcast is going to be another excuse to spend more time thinking about severance.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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If you're not watching this television show, run to Apple TV, watch season one, listen to the companion podcast, and then you too can have clammy hands waiting for season number two to release. It's available now, free on the Odyssey app, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. This episode is sponsored in part by ShipStation.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Well, if you've been listening to the commercial break over the holidays, then you know that Chrissy, Christina, and I have been hard at work knocking out 25 episodes in one single month. So we understand just how chaotic a business can be. So when you're running an e-commerce business, you understand there's a special kind of chaos that goes on with fulfillment and shipping.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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But ShipStation is one service that you can count on to help you remain calm day to day When it comes to any and all of your fulfillment needs, you've got to focus on the parts of your business that grow the business and then let ShipStation handle the rest. ShipStation makes it easy to automate shipping tasks and manage orders from one simple dashboard.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And as the old adage goes, analytics are everything. You can scale your business faster because of ShipStation's robust automation and reporting system. Listen, here's the best part. You can save thousands on shipping with industry-leading discounts from their cutting-edge rate shopper. UPS, DHL, Federal Express and USPS rates can be up to 88% off when you use ShipStation.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And most importantly, you'll deliver a better customer experience. Over 130,000 companies have grown their e-commerce business with ShipStation, and 98% of those companies have stuck around with ShipStation. Now it's your turn. Calm the chaos of order fulfillment with the shipping software that delivers. Switch to ShipStation today.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Go to ShipStation.com and use the code commercial to sign up for your free trial. That's ShipStation.com, code commercial. Thanks to ShipStation for being a sponsor of the commercial break. All right. We're just taking care of the magical drifting camera here in the commercial break studios. I don't know what it is. I don't know why I can't stay still. It always has been like that.

The Commercial Break

An Oracle's Oracle!

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It's always been like that. It wants to drift to the left. It's a left-leaning camera.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Hey, speaking of left-leaning cameras, check out Des Bishop's episode from Tuesday. We really appreciate Des coming in. He kind of jumped in here last minute when we needed someone to fill in, and we couldn't have been happier to have him.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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We talk about Irish politics and American politics and then back to Irish politics and more American politics.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Oh, Say Nothing?

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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So good.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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It's not happy-go-lucky filmmaking. That's for sure. It's not because it's just such a – it's talking about a terrible period of time. And, you know, as we're talking about Say Nothing, which is a film or a series of – It's a television show, Brian. What are you trying to say? Episodes. Yes, an episodic television show on Hulu. Go watch it. It's very good.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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It's been named by a lot of, you know, a lot of critics have named it one of the top television shows of 2024. I would have to agree. It's about the Irish troubles when, of course, the Protestants and the Catholics were going at each other or the separatists and the nationalists, depending on how you look at it. We're going after each other in Northern Ireland.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And, you know, if you were alive in the 1907s like I was, then you'll remember a little bit the end of the Troubles, which was the 80s and the 90s, when there was all kind of violence. I mean, Irish against Irish.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And that Fox does expect that a large chunk of the 10 advertisers that have now agreed to that crazy rate are going to be AI commercials.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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It was a war between the North and the... Not between the North and the South, but in places like Belfast, really against the... The Catholics against the Protestants or people who wanted the UK to intervene and people who did not want the UK to intervene. It was a very complicated situation. I think a lot of people probably felt a lot of different ways about it.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And so I don't think there's one particular reason why the trouble started. But when it ended, you kind of have to unfuck all this fuckery. And now a lot of people who were going to war against each other, now they have to try and live at peace with each other. And that is also not a very easy thing to do.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Yeah.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And we can take that and look at that in our own modern day with the Israelis and the Palestinians. At least they're not. At least the Israelis. At least there's some break in it right now.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Oh, it's terrible on all sides. It's just fucking horrible. Anyway, on to nicer things. Ice penis. Ice penis.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Ice penis is a new thing. It's all the rage in Canada, apparently. Ice penis. Well, it's cold enough. It's cold enough. It was cold there for, I mean, it was really cold there for a little while.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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In Canada? Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was negative 45 here in North Dakota, I think, for a couple of days. Negative 45. I can't imagine.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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ice as soon as you breathe, right? It just turns to ice crystals. That's intense kind of cold that I don't even understand. I grew up in Chicago and we certainly were no stranger to negative degrees. And it's a dangerous kind of cold. And you have to be prepared for it. And you certainly have to wear 55 layers just to go outside. And I was a child. So my mom would just wrap us up like little...

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An Oracle's Oracle!

1811.73

Yeah, little toilet paper rolls, and then she'd send us out there. And I do remember having to get – putting on so many layers and her wrapping scarves and hats and gloves, sometimes two sets of gloves, mittens and then big snow gloves on top of it. But there was a guy in Canada – I read this on TMZ and actually a couple different other places, so this guy really made the news.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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There was a guy in Canada outside of a bar – Drinking. And it was so cold outside, I guess he went to go take a pee? Yeah. And he fell. And when he fell, his penis got stuck to the ice. Oh. And there were multiple bystanders trying to pull him off the ice with his ice penis. Oh, God. Now, we've all seen a Christmas story.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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With the tongue. And that is true. It's 100% true. Just think about it. It's so cold outside that any liquid freezes on contact. And if you touch a piece of metal that is negative seven degrees, your tongue is going to get stuck to it because your tongue is liquid. It's just going to get ice, right? So now imagine that your wet, dribbly penis...

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Touches ice in negative 45 degrees, you have ice penis. And there's nothing that can be done about it. You got to get some boiling water. I was going to say some hot water.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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People finally came to his aid.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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If you'd like me to read the story, I'd be happy to do it. Ready? Yeah. Canadian bar. Byline TMZ. Trusted News Network. This weenie's not getting roasted. Man's penis sticks to icy sidewalk. This weenie's not getting roasted. I know.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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I don't know. But whoever's writing the bylines at TMZ is almost as good as I am at writing the episode titles for the commercial break. Getting your tongue stuck to a frozen pole sounds painful, but it ain't got nothing on this guy. Because a poor unfortunate soul got his whole penis put on ice. And we've got the pics to prove it. Oh.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Come on, $8 million. There is a panic in the market right now because China has released Deep Seeker.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Aren't there TMZ photographers everywhere, apparently? Yes. TMZ has obtained exclusive photography from outside a bar in Alberta, Canada, in which first responders are working to wrench a patron. off the establishment's sidewalk. This one is not for the faint of heart, or crotch for that matter.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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The man's member is basically glued to the unforgiving ice, and he's not coming off despite all efforts to pull him with all their might. We blurred the photos here, but trust us, this gentleman's privates are clearly stretched before snapping right back to the ice.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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First responders seem to be pulling pretty dang hard right here, nearly performing an impromptu circumcision right there on the street. Police in Alberta tell us the man in the clip got intoxicated, began arguing with people inside the East Village Pub and Eatery early on Sunday. Cops say the dispute spilled into the street where the guy's pants fell down. Oh, I thought he was peeing.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Guy's pants fell down while fighting. What? During the confrontation, the dude toppled to the ground and his penis attached to the ice. First responders managed to detach his unit without injuring him before he was arrested. He was not charged.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Of course, hot water is usually the way to unglue a body part from the frozen tundra, though we don't think this guy wants any part of a boiling pot of water.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Or Deep Seeker, Deep Seeker. I don't know what it is.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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I can't think of it. No, not the luge. No, not the luge. We wouldn't want a luge anywhere near that. Not the shuffleboard, but you know. What is that? That's my favorite sport. I know.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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I know. Let's see here. Winter Olymp.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Yes, that person. We need somebody to come in with a big scrub brush and scrub his curling. We need a curler to come in and scrub brush his penis right off the ice. That's what we need. A little bit of a laugh.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Get home, microwave your penis, get it warmed up.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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There's got to be. He had to have had skin removed. I mean, first of all, why are you pulling him to do that? Well, I guess when you're face down on the ground and your penis is stuck, like what? What's the other option? You can't even get under him. Depending on how large his penis is. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And if the shaft and the balls are stuck to it, there's not much you can do but just pour some water down there and hope he gets unstuck. Or are you just creating an additional ice bath that, you know, are now you encasing his penis in ice? If it is that cold outside, maybe that was the thought. This is really a conundrum.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And I wonder, they don't say because they said that the police did, the first responders did not. We're not clear about how exactly they got this guy unstuck. I would think just take a piss. Just take a piss and hopefully you get unstuck.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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I couldn't get onto it. I tried to actually make an account. Oh, you did. It refused to let me make an account for some reason or another. You can be in the United States and have it. So all of these companies, from Oracle to NVIDIA to Microsoft to Google to, you know, Chat, GPT, which is mostly owned by Microsoft, all of them are...

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Yeah, that's true. A lot of people watching you, pulling on you. You're still in fighting mode.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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A foghorn leghorn. Yes, foghorn.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Yeah, meet me at the IP. Hey, we're going to IP to have a couple drinks. And you get there and there's just a bunch of like nudnik YouTube influencers with their penises stuck to the ice. I went to the IP to see if your penis really could get stuck on the ice.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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There's going to be a bunch of clickbaits up there for sure. You know that someone's going to run up there to make sure that they, you know, try it out to see if it works. There's some nudnik is going to do this.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Well, I think they have enough money not to probably do the ice penis stunt. They do now. Yeah, they do now.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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That's right. Logan and Aaron Paul. Well, you know, listen, I... I'm not the biggest fan of the Paul brothers, but I'm also not the biggest fan of the Paul brothers. You know what I'm saying? I haven't really kept up with their careers. It wasn't necessarily in my wheelhouse. I wasn't a 10-year-old boy when they started doing their YouTube videos.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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But I have turned a corner a little bit on the boxer guy because I did... Since the fight? Since the fight. I ended up watching the full documentary on Netflix.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And I can appreciate that... I think it's easy to have a certain mindset when you have everything in the world and you can pick up the phone and call Mike Tyson and make $50 million appear out of nowhere. But he hasn't always been like that and he has had to have some kind of determination and creativity and forethought. And ayahuasca.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And I also have had ayahuasca and I cannot pick up the phone and make $50 million appear with Mike Tyson at Netflix. Yeah. That's for sure. But I do have to, like, I'm going to roll back my kind of I always wanted to see Mike win that fight. And now there's a lot of people out there who believe that Mike may have been paid just to lose the fight. And there are lots of videos out there.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Yeah, there's lots of videos out there that show Mike kind of like... apparently, during the fight, encouraging him to, Logan.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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We saw his ass.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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That was one of the, yes. That won 2024. I mean, that was the best thing that happened in 2024, was that Netflix, unknowingly or unknowingly, decided not to cut away from Mike Tyson's jockstrap. What editorial nudnik made that decision? Stay with the job.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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I mean, listen, you know, for an old man, I guess it's not it wasn't the worst ass.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Yeah. What is he, 56 years old or something like that? Something like that. But there's lots of video out there that I had been watching a couple weeks ago, and it appears to show Paul – being kind of coached by Mike on what to do in the ring. And apparently, some people believe that Mike was kind of holding back from really clobbering the Paul brother.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Sucking up resources, hundreds of billions of dollars, large server farms, electricity left and right to make their AIs learn, whatever that means. And deep seek goes out and for quote unquote, a mere $8 million gets it all done. Yeah.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Well, listen, I don't know if that's true or that's not true. It wouldn't be the first professional fight that's been rigged. It will not be the last. I think a lot of those fights are rigged or predetermined or whatever. But I will say that even though not my favorite like celebrity in the world, I did turn a little bit of a corner. I was like, all right, he's not that bad.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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I mean, he's not that bad.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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He is. Well, that was the best fight I have ever seen.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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It was crazy. Those were two sock-em, rock-em robots going at each other for every minute of every round. I've never seen a fight like that. Never seen a fight like that. I was just mind-fucked by that whole fight. I think everybody was. I think everybody was, too. It was one of the best fights I... It is the best fight I have ever seen.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And it was two women, and they knocked the shit out of each other, and I was so happy. I mean, not happy about them getting the shit knocked out of each other, but I was happy that I got a chance to see it. And the reason why is because he specifically demanded... Command it that if we're going to do this, then I want these two girls fighting, these two ladies fighting before us.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And so, yeah, hey, good for them. Anyway, I don't know that the Paul brothers would be doing the ice penis thing, but meet me at the IP is certainly going to become a thing. It's the most famous bar in all of Western Alberta.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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i would never you could not pay me enough money unless i absolutely needed to for some reason my children's safety or whatever you could not pay me to go live in alberta canada there is no way alberta canada is fucking cold there is a guy that i watch on tiktok he is a dad and he is a very competent um Woodsman. That's the only way to explain it. And what he does is a woodsman.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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How else would you?

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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He's a very competent guy out in nature. Okay. And he's up there in the north in Alaska and northern Canada. And he's a naturalist.

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Naturalist. And the only thing that's not natural is the fact that he's doing TikTok videos every five minutes, right? But I appreciate that he is. It's something that I would never do, but I like to watch other people. Of course. on the edge of death, you know, decide to be in these temperatures. And he's up there and his minus 35 is minus 82. I don't know what it is.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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He's out there and he's chopping wood and he's putting fires in tents and he's thawing out the ground so we can have a good night's sleep. And he's in emergency cabins and seven feet of snow walking around. And the guy just takes it all in stride. And if that's me, if that's, I went, I walked out of here.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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yesterday morning it was 42 degrees outside and i thought i had ice penis i was ready to call the police i was like this is too cold and i'm telling my kid i've hushed my children i'd like rush them into the car and i'm like quick quick don't say a word don't stand up don't sit down just let me get you in the car i have to like turn the car on five minutes before i get out there so it's warm i'm not a i'm not a good woodsman i'm just not i think you would have to grow up with like that

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Now I read an article that that's a little bit misleading that that's the, like the second version of it cost $8 million to learn, but the first version costs a lot more money. But I think that maybe the AI bubble is about to burst as I predicted it would. You did. I am a business oracle, if you will. I am an oracle oracle, if you don't mind. An oracle oracle.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Yeah, it's time for me to grow up. Astrid's been saying that for a while, too. I think I do have to grow up. Thank you, Chrissy.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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We've been having a lot of serious conversations around the commercial break lately, and Chrissy finally told me. She finally said, Brian, I think it's time for you to grow up.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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I think it's time for you to grow up, too. All right. Last more conversation to be had. We will take a short break, and then we, Chrissy and I, will be right back.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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All right. The guy's name is out. The TikTok handle is Outdoor Boys.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Outdoor Boys. That's the guy that I want. I want to give him a shout out because it's really intense kind of camping that he does. And if you're interested in that kind of extreme camping. If you're interested in watching someone on the verge of death at any moment. Yeah, watching it. Not doing it.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Yeah, we just watched one of his videos where he actually decided it was too cold to be out there and that he was ill-prepared. But this guy is amazing. He knows how to take care of himself. If you drop me in the middle of a tundra and then ask me to survive, I'd call the American Express concierge. I'd be like, do I have any? I know I'm a little high on my balance right now.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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I'm three days late on my payment. But do you have helicopter services? And can you float me $50,000?

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Oh, I've seen that. Yeah. But Extreme, Alive, something like that. I've seen the commercials for it. I've actually never seen it.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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But that reminds me that I wanted to talk about a new fascinating television show that I'm watching on, of course, TLC. Of course. Which is bailing out loud. Yes, you said you wanted to watch it. I did. I have been watching this. This is some really intense, at times funny, touching at moments.

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It's a look at a young lady who has probably one of the worst cases of Tourette's syndrome that I have ever seen. And I have known a couple of people with Tourette's, like tics and the inability to control certain actions.

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formally diagnosed with Tourette's. But it usually is like ticks. They crick their neck or they have a little weird movement. I say weird, but they have a movement in their face they can't control. Or sometimes they say things or make noises like a hoot or a hoot. Stuff like that. I've worked with people who have had Tourette's Syndrome. I've known people who have Tourette's Syndrome. Balin is...

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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intense she she has that kind of Tourette's syndrome that apparently only happens in about six or seven percent of the cases where she has the need to say like terribly dirty things right like you know fuck you and your fucking mother you know I gave you crabs or I saw her at the airport saying like I have a bomb I have a bomb We're all going to die. Yeah.

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She's on the plane screaming that, you know, I have a gun. I'm going to die. And she cannot control it. And there are people she's very popular on social media. The girl has like two, three million followers on social media. So long before the show came out, people know about her. There's a bunch of fucking morons. who claim that she's doing this for attention.

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No one would make their life so incredibly difficult for a little bit of attention. I just don't believe it. I absolutely believe that this is a condition. It's clear that she struggles with it. It's clear that everybody around her struggles with it. And this show shines a light on her need and want to have a little bit of independence, just like Shauna Rae. Remember Shauna Rae, who was like...

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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She looked 13. She looked 13. She was 29 or something like that. Like her, her trying to get a date, her trying to live a normal life, her trying to have a little bit of independence, get a car, you know, be out in an apartment, have a real job, stuff like that. When you look 12 years old, it's really hard to convince anybody to hire you at a bar.

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It's just one of those things that's difficult to do. It's hard to go to a bar, let alone work at a bar. So this is like kind of the, at least the first couple of episodes are about Balin just trying to gain some independence from,

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And the show is at times very difficult to watch because Balin is struggling to just like do a cutaway, just have a couple of sentences together without screaming some obscenity or having a tic so bad. And she has a habit to like banging her head and she'll like throw knives in the kitchen and she'll, you know, she gets in the kitchen, she has to do things three times.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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She has obsessive compulsive. So she'll like pull on a steering wheel while people are driving and she needs to do it three times.

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times it's like it's fucking intense yeah and i want to give her a hug that's what i want to do like i know that she's not pining for my empathy right that's not what she wants or needs but i just like at times you just want to give the girl a hug and be like oh it'll be okay she has trouble keeping friends you know all this stuff i can imagine that's difficult yeah she has she can't go out in public without causing a huge scene and everybody

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around her who doesn't know her who doesn't know her situation misunderstands what's going on exactly what what a terrible affliction yeah it would be hard it is the human version of blue that's what it is she can't control yeah her outburst that's the only that's the only thing that i can do now i have a lot more empathy for balin than i do i'm kidding i'm But this show is fascinating.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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It's a fascinating watch. I think you got to get into a couple of episodes.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Yeah, it's clear from the television show that there are moments kind of of normalcy for her. But it's also clear from the television show that this is really something that everybody in her family has to pay attention to and deal with and struggle with, and especially her parents. I think not only do I want to give her a hug, I want to give her parents a hug because they love her very much.

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There you go. There it is.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And they don't, you know, there's... There's no rule book as to what to do. There's no handbook. And even the professionals around her kind of have, you know, they're like, well, we'll do our best to get this under control. Right now, I think this last episode, what she's doing is trying to decide whether or not she wants deep brain stimulation, DBS, deep brain stimulation.

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I think that's what it's called. And, you know, there's no guarantees that it works, but they have to open up your skull and put nodes in your head and shoot electricity into your brain. To see if it's going to work. And it's worked for other people, calming this whole situation down. But there's no guarantees that it'll work. So she's trying to make a decision about what that was.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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She has a boyfriend. Right. OK. OK. So she has a boyfriend. When we first get into the show, she's got a boyfriend. And the boyfriend is in the U.S. Navy, I think it is, or the Air Force. One of the two. And he's about to be called out for training. And when he gets called out for training, he cannot leave training. So there's like a period of time when you cannot leave.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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I am telling you it's highly unlikely that the commercial break is going to show up. I was hoping maybe Odyssey would front the money for it. But I think they just got out of their verge of bankruptcy. They just got out of bankruptcy. But they're doing good. They're doing well. They went in and out of bankruptcy in like a day. They did. So no commercial breaks on the commercial breaks for anybody.

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I think so. Yeah, something like that. Mission training. I don't know, something like that. But he can't leave. There's no leaving. So the big conundrum is, where is he going to go? And is it going to be anywhere close to Balin? Because Balin says in the show, he is my medicine. When I'm with him, I feel better. Right.

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And it's clear when they're together that at times she feels a little bit more calm, but she still says things to him, you know, say tics around him also, I guess is the right word to say. And in one of the episodes, he's about to be called out. So she's like kind of falling apart.

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She doesn't know what to do, but she can't go live with him because if he's working 10 hours a day, she could be a danger to herself. Like she can't even be in a kitchen. Yeah. Without supervision because she could turn on the stove or throw a knife at somebody or something or herself or whatever. I mean, just like really complicated stuff.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Yeah. Humans are really, really interesting.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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From ice penis to Tourette's syndrome, we're just like such a varied creature. Do you know what I'm saying?

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Yeah. I wish Balin would come in. I would have her on the show.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Yeah, but you know what the thing is about TLC that Astrid and I were talking about? The thing about TLC is when they get on one of those shows, none of them are out doing PR. None of them. You don't see the 90 Day Fiancé people out there doing PR. You don't see Big Ed or Small Ed or whatever his name is. You don't see... Small Ed. Small Ed.

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He's doing Cameo. Yeah. He's one of the most popular Cameo creators out there. That guy's making bank on Cameo, like $600,000 a year or something. But here's my point is that you do not see them out on podcasts. You don't see like, you know, Big Ed didn't show up to Joe Rogan to do like an expose on 90 Day Fiance.

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They all must be under super tight contracts that do not allow them to go out and talk. especially while they're under contract for the show. And there must be some kind of halo period where they cannot do that. Now, I could be 100% wrong, but we have reached out to some of them over the years in the show, and we don't even get a response.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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But that was from Married at First Sight. So that was a little bit different. They do go out and do podcasts. They do an after show there. They do do a lot of stuff like the Married at First Sight. I think Married at First Sight, because it's a less popular show, understands the power of them being on social media and out on podcasts and stuff. So I have seen some of those people show up.

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Plus, let's be real honest about it. We're a lot less interested in what's going on in Married at First Sight. We're a lot less interested.

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I don't care about your real marriage with your real marriage problems. I want to see manufactured drama. I want to see people drunk and screwing each other's husbands and wives and then have to go to dinner the next night and sit in front of each other. That's the kind of drama that I want. 90 Day Fiancé gives me the best possible...

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chances of this happening because it's clear the producers are looking for the most crazy human beings ever to be on 90 Day Fiancé. And then it's always, always a train wreck on that show. And therefore, it's interesting to watch.

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Oh, give me a break.

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You're so right about that. I was like, I can't name which show besides the Real Housewives and that Andy Cohen show. Name another show that's dedicating. No. Eight hours.

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To wrapping up one season of television. It's insane. At first it was a 30 minute. Hey, how you doing? Anybody pregnant? Anybody die? Are you guys still together? Yeah. Then it went to an hour. OK, I can get that. Then it went to two hours. And when it went to two hours, what they did was they just started. They replayed the entire all the highlights from the season, which we already saw.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And then ask them silly questions. This lady, Sean, who does this. Now, every 90 day fucking fiance has eight hours. It's too much. Eight hours of wrap up. We don't need it. We already know. They're all hot messes. Okay. Is anybody pregnant? Did anybody die? And why did the guy in the wheelchair try and give his girlfriend head? That's all we need to know. That's it. That's all we need to know.

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But that would be incredible. Of all the genius marketing ideas I've ever had, I think that would be one that we could probably bet that we would get new listeners because of a Super Bowl commercial. And what would the Super Bowl commercial be? I don't know. Would it be me talking about penises? No. Maybe cocaine?

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That dude's a Mac. That dude's a Mac. He really is. Bro is in a wheelchair. Bro got shot. He's in a wheelchair. He's quadriplegic.

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Early 20s.

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And so he's had no use of his legs, some use in his arms for most of his adult life. He's in his 40s, maybe early 50s. And dude is, like, pulling hot Brazilian chicks left and right.

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Four times.

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I don't know.

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Beautiful women. Listen, no one's ever accused Brazil of having ugly women. I mean, it's clear that there are beautiful women that come. There are beautiful women that come from all around the world. But Brazil, there's a certain flavor of ladies. And if you like that kind of thing, then there's lots of beautiful women down in Brazil. And this guy is like the epicenter of hot Brazilian ass.

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It's unbelievable. I know. When I was single, I would go years without getting laid. I'm not as charming. I don't know. I'm not as athletic. This guy in a wheelchair is 10 times more athletic than I ever was with all of my use of my arms and legs. I swear to God. It's unbelievable. He is a Mac. He is a Mac. Fuck. He's a little bit of a jerk off, but he's a Mac too.

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So you got to watch the season to understand why I'm calling him a little bit of a jerk off, but he is a little bit of a jerk off. But I don't understand why all of these Brazilian women are so into this guy. And to me, his personality is a little off-putting, but that's just me. Anyway, yeah, he ditched one girl and just moved on to the next. Good for you.

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And then there's... Well, I didn't want to get into that storyline because that's a little bit too much. So this is just like... TLC, stop it. Go back to 30-minute check-in.

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I'll take even an hour. And then if it's so interesting, do a follow-up series. Do a follow-up series. You used to do Where Are They Now or whatever. I don't need to see another Angela spinoff. I don't need to see another Big Ed, Big Neck, another girl, another dog.

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It's dumb. It's really dumb. It's too dumb. Last resort is all the couples who did make it now are miserable with each other. They all fucking can't stand each other. And they're... Hamming it up for the camera. Now they're all reality television stars and they're getting paid $50,000 to show up and live at a resort for six months and film a television show and pretend like they like each other.

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It's just, it's not good. It's too dumb. It's not good. Yeah, I agree with you. I think 90 Day has been played out. I'm really mad at myself because I've actually started watching good television lately. Yes. I've put down the 90-day fiancé. I mean, I still have it on in the background, like if I'm editing or something like that. But the truth is that I think it's a little played out.

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I think it's a little played out. We say this, though, and then— We say this, and there's another season starting in two weeks, and I know it'll be recording. And I'll be the first one to watch it.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

362.675

It would get everybody's attention. Especially people who know us. They'd be like, what?

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Yes.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Four hours of after shows.

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I think you're right. Well, let's see. 90 Day Fiancé started, I think, back in 2015 or 14 or 15 or something like that. 16 at the latest. And so they've been on air for almost 10 years. They have multiple versions of the show. They do two seasons a year. I mean, they're on season number 83. We're only on season number six.

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We're working our way. Come on. We're right behind you, 90 Day Fiancé. We also have eight hours every year of... rehashing Brian's old drug stories. So there you go. We too are boring you with old stories that you don't need to hear.

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I am ready for the conclusion of that show. Yeah, 100%. We don't need it.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Oh, yeah, Lauren. Oh, don't even get me started on Lauren. Lauren is like, I don't know what he is.

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It's not working. He is into pre-op transsexual women, men.

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It's like, you know, I have a lot of friends that I don't know why this has become such a thing. I think my belief is because it has become incredibly easy and relatively cheap to do. But I can't tell you how many of my Instagram friends have shown up for their business or for their podcast or whatever. With a sign, with a billboard in Times Square. What? Yes.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Well, that's not weird at all. Okay, cool. Whatever floats your boat.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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He's really off.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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For some reason. Yeah. He's getting away from America. There's some legal proceeding or something. The weirdest thing about him is on the second episode of his big 90 Day Fiance, you know, millions of people watching this. Yeah. He tells everybody he has gonorrhea. Yep. He has gonorrhea. Yep.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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No. Yeah, something's off about him. I agree with you there. We've got to be careful with Lauren. Not welcome on my show, Lauren. Baylen, welcome on my show. Yes. I'll reach out to Baylen. We'll have some people reach out to Baylen. We'll see if we can get her on. I love it. I think she's wonderful. I'm going to watch it. I'm Team Baylen. I'm Team Baylen. That's what I've got to say.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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I'm not Team Ice Penis, but I am Team Baylen. Do you know what I'm saying?

The Commercial Break

An Oracle's Oracle!

3780.54

All right, look out for our Super Bowl commercial.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Coming up whenever the Super Bowl is. If I was a man, I'd know that stuff. But I don't know. February sometime? Isn't it? February 10th or something like that? I don't know.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Two popular teams get together.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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The 9th. All right. Whoever's playing, the Chiefs and those other ones. Chiefs and the Eagles. That should be an exciting one. Let's see how many people die if the Eagles win. Yay!

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celebration celebration tcbpodcast.com more information about the show all the audio all the video right there from one location 212-433-3TCB at the commercial break on instagram tcb podcast on tiktok and youtube.com slash the commercial break Okay, Chrissy, I think that's all I can do for now.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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I'll tell you that I love you. And I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye. Goodbye.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Like 10 people I know have made an Instagram post in Times Square pointing to their billboard in Times Square.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

403.153

It's real. It's absolutely real. Okay. So this makes me believe it's not as expensive as it used to be to be on the Times Square billboard. But they're also all digital. So they, you know, it happens in such a flash.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

415.714

Yeah, just like that time Brian bought digital billboards.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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I'd play them for five seconds on Rodeo Drive.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

428.362

No one was driving. That's why I could afford it. I thought to myself, if someone's walking down the street at 3.36 in the morning... They're going to clearly check out the commercial break. And the tagline was, the commercial break, a break from reality. Oh, okay. All right. Let me tune right in. No pictures, no nothing. Just words. It was just words. The commercial break, a break from reality.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Now, we did do billboards in like Iowa. And believe it or not, we could tell because we had absolutely no traffic whatsoever. We did get a few people who listened to us in Iowa. But I could afford to buy like a couple hours on a billboard in Iowa. It was like $10 or something. But I have all these friends who show up on these billboards in Times Square, like Roy Wood Jr. I can understand that.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

475.156

He had a Hulu special. Hulu's going to foot the bill for that. And he's probably on the billboard for like a couple of days. But then I, you know, I don't want to say his name, but there's a guy who we know on Instagram. And let me, I'll share with you his personality trait and then you'll know it. Yeah, man. Yeah, absolutely. Recorded that with Foreigner. Oh, yes. Hey, everybody.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

500.239

Just here talking to my very famous friends, even though there's no one in the room. Just here chatting with my very famous friends. Yeah, I was just recording a new album for Michael Jackson's estate and talking to the engineer, and I thought I'd hop into Instagram. This guy will interrupt every time he does an Instagram reel. He's interrupting another one of his conversations.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

521.23

If it's me, I'm probably just waiting till the conversation is over to start recording the reel. But not him. He wants you to know how important he is. And he's interrupting himself to get on and make sure he gets this urgent message to his fans. Yeah. Yeah. To which he'll be like, you know, I'm playing. I'm playing in Wichita, Kansas. Anyway, he had a billboard. Really? Yeah. Yes.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And he's like, you know, with some he had some saying on the bottom, like a motivational quote, like, you know, you can dream it. You can do it. Just get to it. You know, it's like, oh, OK. All right. How much did that cost you? But the question I had for this particular guy is what exactly are you promoting?

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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So I don't want to give it away because I do believe he listens to the show because he's he's he's Instagrammed us before. He was a musician.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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He was a musician. He was on a very famous show that features musicians. And you'll know, one of the two very famous shows, three famous shows that feature musicians where you can win a contest and then maybe get a recording contract. You know what I'm talking about. And he did very well there. He did very well there. And he appeared like three times on the same show. But still...

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Even when you, even let's say it was American Idol, it's not. But let's say it's an American Idol, right? But if you don't win American Idol, if you come in like 15th in American Idol, if you're a really good musician and you get that contract, there are stories of people who have gone on like, who's that? Ruben Studdard? Oh, is he a winner or whatever?

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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There's so many people who haven't won those competitions that have gone on to have great musical careers. But this was not that. This was not that.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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This wasn't one of those cases. This is one of those cases where it was fun for the minute, and everybody liked the very nice personality this guy has. By the way, he seems like a lovely human being.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And we've talked to him before. He's lovely. He's just a guy that I follow, and he follows us back. But that's what he does. But I just couldn't figure out what the promotion on the billboard was. Just like people who watch the commercial break on the Super Bowl are going to have no clue. What exactly we're all about.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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But that would be – I think next year I'm going to aim to tell Odyssey, you should buy a 30-second spot. Yeah. You should put your premier podcasts on that spot. Like everybody gets five seconds, right? Odyssey podcast. And then everybody gets five seconds. And then please, for just that moment, can you consider us a premier podcast so that we can get... That's our goal. That's our goal.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Well, listen, Chrissy, you know, you've got to... Hold on one second. We've got a year. Yes.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Oh. I can't move my microphone and I'm wondering why. And then I realized that my daughters are in here twirling my microphone around.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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They were having their own American... That's right. We went to... an event last night at one of the kids' schools. It's strange to go to an event on a weeknight at your kid's school. You know what I'm saying? It's like, we're new-ish parents. We have kids that are young. So school is new to us, like real school is new to us. And we went to this event and it was just lovely.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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They were like celebrating the kids and their art and their like

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stories that they had written and it's something apparently they do every year and it's a very big event and they give the kids a standing ovation as they're walking in the door and it's like all the teachers stand there give a standing ovation the kids get like this badge that says you're a vip it's got the name on it like like walking the red carpet almost and then you get your pictures taken and it's a very big event for the kids

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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So now I want you to imagine a bunch of 6 to 10-year-olds at bedtime not having eaten in their best to-dos because, you know, the thing is you've got to dress up for the red carpet, right? You're the celebrated person. You're the VIP. Yes. And now, so we walk in the door. There's this big line of people. They're clapping for one of my kids, and I'm just – it made me proud. Of course. And my kid –

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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I don't know where he picked this up, but he's walking down the red carpet, and he starts giving the rock and roll sign, and he's doing a little dance. He starts singing, breaking the law, breaking the law. I'm like, what are you doing? He was ready. He was ready. He was ready for his moment. Like our friend on Instagram, let me give you an inspirational quote. It's when the man meets the moment.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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That is true greatness, when the man meets the moment. And my little man met the moment. That's so cute.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And then he goes and he takes his picture and he's got this little pose, you know, he's doing this little thing. And I was just like filled with joy because it's the first time I've seen a lot of him and his friends interact and they love him and he loves them. And that's great. But then we have to go into this auditorium for a small presentation.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And this auditorium seats, I don't know, five or 600 people. not small, not particularly large, but he sees one of his friends. And I'm like, oh, okay, you know, we'll go over there and we'll sit with them. That then becomes like a group of his friends. And now they're all sitting in one row, abutted by two sets of parents. And then Astrid and I are sitting behind him. Yes.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And now my other kids also want to sit there too. So now I want you to imagine that there's five chairs and, There's 16 children, none of which have eaten, slept, or had any downtime from school. They are absolutely wound. And the amount of chaos that was going on in this little section for probably 15 minutes was beyond me. But I decided as a parent, fuck it. Who cares?

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Like, if they're going to be wild, let them be wild here, right? Let them be wild here.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Abso-fucking-lutely. Mm-hmm. So the little presentation goes on, the kids are like, you know. So the funny part is, is that the principal of the school is like saying, I want all of the kids who are being, you know, celebrated here tonight to stand up and, you know, take a bow or whatever. All of my children, even though only one of them goes to this school, all of my children...

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An Oracle's Oracle!

924.846

Not to be outdone.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Oh, my God. It was it was just the cutest thing ever. All of my kids have this have Brian's ego. All of my kids have Brian's thirst for attention. Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Yes. One of my daughters walking around there like the queen and like she don't even go here. You don't even go here. She's, like, following her brother around. You know, like, now she's friends with everybody. And I just loved it. I saw it. Even one of my very, very shy children took to it like a fish out of water. Even she was loving the attention there. And so is Blue. Yes. Oh, my God.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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That dog is out of control. The dog is out of control. I don't know what to say anymore about the dog. The dog has doggy dementia. I'm sure of it. Or something. Because she is just, like... She stands right in front of me all the time, all day, all night. I'm trying to walk and she just like stands in front of me, like staring at me. Like, Blue, get out of the way. What are we doing?

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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And she's always staring at me. She runs in circles. She barks at anything and everything. I don't know what to do anymore with this dog, Chrissy.

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An Oracle's Oracle!

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Well, yeah, I'm kind of resigned. Just like the children going crazy at 7 o'clock on a weeknight. There's nothing to do. What do I do? I just let it happen. There's got to be a drug that takes care of this.

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TCB is Quantity Over Quality!

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But it is, I mean, they're not, they haven't done like a tour, I don't think, in a long time.

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We've got a little like framed autographed thing from them too.

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Yes, they did.

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Uh-huh.

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TCB is Quantity Over Quality!

1052.528

I'll dig around and see if we've got anything.

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TCB is Quantity Over Quality!

1078.041

Yeah, and they usually do a charity auction, too, that's involved with that that benefits St. Jude.

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TCB is Quantity Over Quality!

1084.927

So, yeah. So they usually sign a bunch of stuff. And then if stuff hasn't been auctioned off, say, then the organizers can have it.

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TCB is Quantity Over Quality!

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I think we need to be. Yeah. We need to get our 501c3. Isn't it 501c3? Let's just be a church. I think is what we need to turn into.

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TCB is Quantity Over Quality!

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A leather was involved. I'm sure it was. Carl wore some leather.

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TCB is Quantity Over Quality!

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Celebrities were part of that.

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Power and money.

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Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.

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TCB is Quantity Over Quality!

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That's donate.

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TCB is Quantity Over Quality!

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Okay. I'll talk to Jeff about it. All right.

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TCB is Quantity Over Quality!

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Just give.

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Give today.

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Goodness of our heart.

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TCB is Quantity Over Quality!

1541.291

Chatty.

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TCB is Quantity Over Quality!

1571.554

Weren't we supposed to get paid for that at one point?

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TCB is Quantity Over Quality!

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Eddie Vedder sober.

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Word search or whatever. Yeah. Yes.

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TCB is Quantity Over Quality!

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I'm just going to leave it there. You drop something every time.

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I can only imagine.

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It's quantity, not quality. That's what we're going for.

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1861.331

It really is.

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1863.852

Not even five years.

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1880.559

That's our claim to fame.

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TCB is Quantity Over Quality!

1925.513

Is this in remembrance of Mental Health Awareness Month? Yes.

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I don't know. I think it's its own thing.

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Which some of these, you know, things do, like the one you were using for music.

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Don't kill me. Don't kill me.

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Well, we can stick to one anyways, so.

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Self-preservation. I mean, I feel like that makes sense.

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TCB is Quantity Over Quality!

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I was going to say, don't think about this too hard.

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TCB is Quantity Over Quality!

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What did it say to that?

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TCB is Quantity Over Quality!

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I'm going to blackmail you to end me.

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2364.591

Absolutely. It's crucial.

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No, but seriously, it really is something to pay attention to and not let it get too far because it can get too far.

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And yeah, definitely reach out for help too. If you don't want to ask friends and family, find a professional.

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TCB is Quantity Over Quality!

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I think that's true. I was out in my yard the other day, and I was just moving our—we have, like, a metal fire pit, and I touched it, and it was— This is it.

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That's great. I love that.

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2671.45

It's so good.

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2683.1

I hope they keep it like that. Oh, please. Yeah.

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Right, but they're right out.

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It really is. I love all the characters. And like I said, I was not looking for another medical drama.

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Yeah, so that's why I resisted watching it. But I happened to pick up like right as it had ended. So I got to watch it all and I did. Jeff and I ended up binging it.

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Yeah, I know. I think I even learned like some new terminology from it.

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Slide it in there. Yeah, I could do a tracheotomy. Yeah, those tracheotomies happen a lot.

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Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Famous gymnast.

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It's quantity, not quality. That's what we're going for.

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Yeah, she was the Simone Biles of her time.

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She should be.

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No, you don't.

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She has to show me every time.

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Yeah, you've got to have the core.

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Oh, yeah.

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That'd be tough.

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I don't know. That would be tough. Like I said, it would be tough. I mean, I think you have to get a little bit older than she is, you know, to really have somebody say, hey, wow, she's got something special.

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Dropping acid.

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Well, there's not a lot of tall gymnasts, I'll say that. And there's some tall genes running in the kids' family.

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Yeah, they're just not tall.

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Support her dream for now. Oh, listen, support.

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3212.318

At her age, too, I loved gymnastics as well.

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I know. It's so cute.

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Every Saturday, it's 12 hours.

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We start early and end late.

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3283.63

Talk to him about it.

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3298.493

All right. I'll go to him with the offer.

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3333.604

Right. What is this? I don't have time for this.

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Something for everyone.

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And getting paid millions.

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You reconsider.

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The people want it.

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I think so.

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Not yet. I listen to them just maybe not at the break of dawn every day that they air.

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I nixed that.

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And I was like, nope.

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Good luck with that.

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And if it

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This is when you should sell, Brian.

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You'll wait for it to go down.

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Or have they recovered these people before?

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786.033

Right. That's the whole purpose of the thing. Yeah.

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Oh, God.

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885.847

That's right. That's right, because he just pardoned him. Is that right?

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Oh, my God.

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Yes, they are.

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We're going to the show here in Atlanta. You bought tickets?

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I think it's just one.

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961.976

Maybe it's two, but I think it's just one.

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With Run the Jewels.

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Well, they played Mempho.

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Yes, they did a few years ago.

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993.69

I can't remember. It's been, you know, I don't know. I think it was six years ago or so.

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Wobblin' Gobblin' Wishbone

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The resulting crafts can be both adorable and absurd. Who wrote this? Marie Claire? I mean, honestly.

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Yes, the hand turkeys. The hand turkey for sure. Pine cone turkeys. My kids will bring things home. I made this for you, Daddy. Which I know means I was forced to make this for you, Daddy. But I still love it. I have a whole collection of it in one of my drawers. I keep all those things that my kids get.

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Who really needs the, I was, you know, the line leader today certificate from third grade.

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I don't even want to keep the yearbooks. Of course, you know, I went on this whole... I just threw away some yearbooks. Oh, you did? Your own?

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Yeah, good for you. I finally was like, it's time.

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I was looking, I, you know, as the calcium has cleared my brain, I'm getting these memory flashbacks that I just haven't, things I haven't remembered in years. Or I don't know because I didn't remember them, so I'm remembering them like they're fresh memories. It's really weird, actually. They pop up.

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And I remembered a girl that I had dated briefly in high school, but she went to a different high school. So I went online, I remembered her name, and I found her yearbook from a different high school online.

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Yeah, it's all online now. What do you need it for? But here's Brian, two years ago, bitching and complaining about every yearbook that we have to keep and then I need a yearbook and I can't find it. Of course.

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The Turkey Dance Competition, where people get to, each family member provides their best googly-woogly wobble dance in front of the others and then they go ahead and you judge it and then maybe there's a prize at the end. We like dancing here at the house.

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Yeah. We oftentimes, you will find us at the end of a night, we're getting into this thing called a brain break. Do you know what this is? Okay, you don't, because you have small children. But on YouTube, there's endless brain breaks. They're little games that you play on YouTube. So it'll be like... Uh-huh. Komplett mit Popcorn und Lichtern und Sicherheit in den ganzen neun Yarden. Das ist süß.

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Es ist sehr süß. Ich liebe es. Ich habe ein paar von ihnen gedreht. Ich zeige es dir. Aber ich denke, die Türkei-Dance könnte vielleicht die eine Sache sein, die wir von dort heraus holen. Was ist mit dem Thanksgiving-Karaoke? Oh, da ist ein guter. Ich mag den. Halbsong Hoadley kann in den Thanksgiving-Karaoke.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Happy Thanksgiving. Thanks for joining us. Hope you're just having a wonderful day with the friends, with the family, with all those people that you dislike but see once a year. You're gonna have to clean up your house, the kids are running around, the Thanksgiving Day Parade is driving you crazy. It's that time of year! Yes, it is.

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I've actually probably only done karaoke three or four times in my entire life.

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One time we rented an entire karaoke room down on Buford Highway. They had this very famous karaoke place and we rented an entire karaoke. We had dinner at the place and then we rented one of those karaoke rooms, probably the size of this studio. Big TV on the wall. They're all over the place in Japan. Vier oder fünf Mikrofone. Ja, jetzt haben sie zwei oder drei hier in Atlanta.

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Vier oder fünf Mikrofone in der Raum. Und dann, weißt du, du wählst die Song, literally, du kannst die Song schreiben und es zeigt sich auf und es hat die Lieder und jeder nimmt die Runde. Sie können es für dich videotapen und all dieses andere. Es war wirklich sehr interessant. Aber ich fand, dass ich wirklich inebriiert war, um voll dazu zu kommen. Ja, richtig.

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Ja. And then the only, the only, the time that I really remember doing karaoke was live karaoke down at, what was that place in the Highlands? The Highlander. Oh, yeah, yeah. At the Highlander.

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I did. That's where they have a band. Rock and roll karaoke. They have a band on stage with you, yeah. I put my name in there. I had this friend, like a friend for a minute. You know, one of those guys you like spend some time with for like a month or two and then you never talk to him again. Not because you dislike him, just because whatever. We all move on.

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And he was an opera singer, like a trained opera singer. Wow. And he took me to my very first rock and roll karaoke at the Highlander. And we went and he was like the first guy to rush up and put his name in there. And he sang some version of a Queen song, very operatically. Listen, it wasn't my thing, but he was very talented and the crowd appreciated the effort that he put into it.

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He was very operatic about his singing, like dramatic and operatic and kind of like, you know, a lot of trills. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Und ich habe meinen Namen da drin gelegt. Er hat gesagt, nimm deinen Namen da rein, weil du wahrscheinlich nicht geklickt wirst. Es gibt nur 10 Leute am Abend, die da hochgehen können, oder 12, oder was auch immer. Und ich dachte, okay. Metalsom. Metalsom.

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Ist das der Name? Ich denke so. Metalsom Karaoke. Und ich habe meinen Namen da drin gelegt. Und du bist reingegangen. Und ich bin reingegangen. Was hast du gesungen? Ich habe Guns N' Roses gesungen. Mein süßes Kind. which is about six registers too high for my voice. Even when I, like, and this was... Did you get to choose, or were you just thrown in? No, you get to choose.

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You do, I can't remember. Yeah, I think if I'm not mistaken, maybe they make you pick three songs, but the band was spot on, and the guy who was playing guitar hit every fucking lick, and I was just, I was singing in a lower octave, because I couldn't, so I started high. Wow! Wow! I ended up sounding like a bad Axl Rose impression.

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So I brought it down and registered the second verse and everybody was thrown off by that, including me.

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It did not go well. I mean, people clapped.

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Hör mal, wenn ich einen zweiten Schuss dazu hätte, würde ich etwas mehr in meinem Register machen, wie vielleicht ein Pearl Jam oder so etwas, etwas mehr in meinem Register. Aber ich weiß nicht, es war das erste, was mir auf den Kopf kam. Ich sah die Liste und ich war so, oh, Sweet Child of Mine, was auch immer. Ich denke, ich habe Sweet Child of Mine ausgewählt.

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Warte, ich erinnere mich an Sweet Child of Mine und dann Alice in Chains, Man in the Box. Wenn ich das nicht korrekt bekomme, habe ich diese zwei Songs ausgewählt. Und als ich aufkam, war der Typ so, wir werden Sweet Child machen. Und ich war so, oh, okay. And then he was like, what key do you need it in? And I go, the natural key. The natural key. And he looked at me like, C?

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It's officially the holidays. And man, do I love a good Thanksgiving Day. I just do. I'm just a big Thanksgiving guy. I know.

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And I was like, yeah, C. The natural key. High C. I need a high C. The natural key. I meant to say the original key, but I said the natural key. Now this is all coming back to me. I love my new brain. It's working so well. And I got up there and I was so sweaty and scared.

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Yeah, so go watch. It was packed. And when it first started, it was like, people waited outside to get in. So it was like, it's a smaller room, thin, long room. And there was a couple hundred people in there. And they were all getting into it until Brian slaughtered a sweet child of mine. It was in C. It was in high C, but I was in low C.

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Yeah. I was telling Christina when I was having a conversation with her... 4. Juli, Weihnachten, Weihnachten, meine Lieblings-3-Tage des Jahres. Da bist du. Weil ich auf 4. Juli meine Weiblichkeit verloren habe. Ich glaube, deshalb. Aber Weihnachten, ich liebe es. Und ich werde die Weihnachtsparade, die Weihnachtsfilme und die Kennel-Klub, die Kennel-Show sehen. Und ich werde alles machen.

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Oh, listen, this is a confidence booster of epic proportions. I did not take him up on the... That's probably why we're friends anymore, because he said, let's go back to Meddlesome. And I goes, why, so you could show me up again? No, thanks, jackal. You embarrassed me. Alright. Hope you're having a great Thanksgiving. We'll be back in just a minute with more fun and shenanigans on this holiday.

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On the kickoff of Christmas.

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Oh man. So a little bit of house cleaning. So the 12 days of TCB coming up December 13th through the 25th. We hope you join us. That's fresh episode. Fresh episodes every day. We're supposed to be here in the next episodes because I don't know why I agreed to that. But all right. Who cares? We'll get through it.

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Aber für die zwölf Tage von TCB bringen wir zurück einige unserer Lieblings-Konten, einige unserer Lieblings-Videos, einige unserer Lieblings-Video-Kreatoren, wie Frankie P und die P.U.A.s und Teresa Caputo, Mountain Monsters, du weißt, alle die Regeln, alle die Usuals, die wir über die Jahre gemacht haben, die wirklich Stapel geworden sind hier bei der Commercial Break und Lieblings von dir.

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Wenn du einen hast, den du in die Mischung werfen willst, wenn du fühlst, dass es ein Segment oder eine Content-Idee ist, das wir hatten oder etwas, das wir gemacht haben, das nur einen zweiten Blick verdient, Go ahead and send it to us, 212-4333-TCB. Help a brother out. Yeah, if you can remember it.

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Yes, we can. Actually, I can remember. I'm up to like, I got nine days done. Those last three are really stumping me. I'm trying to decide between a few things. So I figure if the audience tells me, then maybe it'll point me in a direction. Okay, all right.

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Thanksgiving traditions. Yes, because it's always going to be on a Thursday. And as far as I know, we're contractually obligated at least for another year to do this on Thursdays. So there you go. Maybe it might be. And maybe we'll end up doing the Thanksgiving Day shows live. Wouldn't that be cool? Maybe your Thanksgiving Chrissy will be driving up here and we do a Thanksgiving show live.

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Hey, listen, you know, it could be worse, I guess. We could be, you know, going to work at Target when they open at 7 p.m. or something.

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No, I think a lot of them backed off of that.

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Yeah, I think most of them at least backed off of it enough where they said, okay, we'll open very early the next morning, like, you know, 5 a.m. or something like that. Which was not unusual anyway, because Black Friday, most stores open very early. But I do think there's a couple hangers on, like I think Walmart opens at midnight or something like that. But shame on them.

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I mean, honestly, let everyone have... Listen, you know why Thanksgiving is also one of my favorite days of the year? Because you can go out of the fucking house in Atlanta and not get stuck in traffic. Christmas Day, Thanksgiving Day, July 4th, at least until about 6pm, July 4th, New Year's Day. Those are days when you can drive in Atlanta like it used to be back in the early 90s.

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Wahrscheinlich essen, hoffentlich bekomme ich nicht Salmonella dieses Jahr. Das Geschenk, das ich durch die gesamte Weihnachtszeit gebe. Und, äh, ich gebe Alkohol auf meinen Gesicht, hoffentlich, dass es sich nicht ausmelt während der Mahlzeit. Ich hoffe, ich werde niemanden an der Mahlzeit überraschen. Mein Gesicht ist auf Feuer. Es ist wirklich rot gerade. Aber egal.

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Just not a lot of people on the road.

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Yeah, I mean, listen, if there's any day to come to a show, Thanksgiving Day might be it, right? So who knows? That's next year. We're talking about this year. All right. So more weird Thanksgiving traditions from around the country. Secret Thanksgiving Santa. Oh, that's an interesting one.

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Similar to Secret Santa, some groups do exchange small gifts, silly little gifts with a Thanksgiving twist, like a turkey-shaped kitchen gadget, a funny apron, or, you know, I'm just going to throw this one in, a turkey-shaped dildo, Chrissy. A little turkey head that goes like this on your clip.

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Oh, I got to tell you about something. I'm not going to say the name of this, but while we're on this turkey dildo thing, there is a...

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A potential sponsor coming on the commercial break and how we, our network sells the sponsor, they vet the sponsor, they either pitch them or the sponsor comes and says we want to be on these podcasts and then they communicate with us, I won't say how, but they communicate with, not that it's a secret, I just don't want to get into every little inch of it.

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Yeah, I mean, I'm not saying how, because it's who cares anyway, right? They communicate with us and they say, hey, would you accept this sponsor on the show? And we say yes, but we have learned over the years to be a little bit, just a little bit choosy about who comes on the show, because there's a lot of sponsors who've been on the show.

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We kind of have this rule, like if we won't use it or don't use it ourselves or don't find it to be valuable, we won't do it. And that includes certain categories of products. But then also you just want to like, even if it's a product you might or might not use, you want to make sure the company itself is like one that you want to be butted up against. Right.

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associated associated with so we had this company that that wanted to advertise on the show or their vetting and it was like you know go here if you would do a personal endorsement of the product check it out it's a website and that website is dedicated to teaching women and men how to give women an orgasm in a very clinical not pornographic way

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So I was thinking, okay, drawings and stuff like that. You have drawings and lots of words and maybe some infographics or something like that. And it said, click here for sample of product. And when I clicked there, it was the lady from the homepage, which I thought was stock photography. It was her.

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And she was giving a step-by-step instructional tutorial on how to give herself an orgasm in highly graphic detail.

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Wow. Wow. bread eagle every you know where the sun don't shine the sun was shining and first of all second of all what a great fucking idea like not a porn movie where you're trying to guess exactly how everyone's getting off because usually no one's getting off they're just used you know there's yeah they're doing this for the camera right they're acting um but then like a real woman

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showing you how she gets herself off in a manner that is instructional, so that if, I guess if you were dating her specifically, then you would know. It would be like a tutorial. It's like a map to have fun. It's like a map to make sure that everyone's having a good time in bed. I loved it. I thought it was incredible.

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Ich mache nur Chemotherapie, Chrissy. Nur Chemotherapie für Thanksgiving. Oh. So happy Thanksgiving to everybody. I hope it's going well. I can't wait to hear your Thanksgiving stories. That's all I request of you on this Thanksgiving. And let me start by saying this. We are extraordinarily thankful for all the listeners out there who are with us brand new, stuck with us through the years.

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And I hope they come on as a sponsor, because I will absolutely, and that, they had the four women part, and then they had the four men part, which teaches the men how to date. This is great. This is awesome. This is what the world needs. Because if a woman can have an orgasm like a man can, meaning most of the time, then doesn't everybody feel better, Chrissy? Everybody does. I do. I feel better.

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I can't do it, but if I could learn how, then everything would be great. And thanks for tuning in to the family edition on Thanksgiving of the commercial break. Maybe this won't be a holiday tradition for anybody. Unless you're single. Or your family doesn't love you. Alright. Thankful for the weird is another tradition.

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Instead of doing the usual gratitude, some families like to turn the expression for the most ridiculous thing they can think of. Like, I'm thankful for my cat's judgmental stare. Haha. Das ist ein guter Satz. Das klingt mehr wie ein Instagram-Post als eine Thanksgiving-Tradition. Aber ich mag es. Ich mag es. Ich bin dabei. Oh, das ist ein lustiger Satz. Oh, ich habe das gehört.

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I don't want to carve the turkey. You know, my dad, as long as I can remember, has always carved the turkey when we have a turkey or the ham or whatever. And only a couple of times have I done that myself for whatever reason, because we were hosting or whatever. I'm not good at it. Es ist viel Arbeit und ich würde lieber einfach sitzen und Fußball sehen und mich servieren.

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Ich meine, wer würde das nicht, richtig? Ja. Aber ich denke, ich habe ein paar Männer in meinem Leben kennengelernt, die das wirklich sehr ernst nehmen. Wie das Karpfen der Tschechische, das Erdbeeren, das ist ihr Arbeit. Sie wissen, wie sie es machen. Sie werden es gut machen. Ich nehme nicht wirklich viel Freude daran.

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Ich nehme nicht viel Freude daran, aber ich nehme nicht viel Freude daran, meine Karpfen-Fähigkeiten. Die Thanksgiving-Leftover-Olympics. After the feast, the families compete in the most absurd challenges using leftover food, like a relay race with mashed potatoes or a turkey toss with leftover turkey legs. This is another food fight thing that's not going to be happening in my house.

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But I will say, when we were having traditional Thanksgiving feasts, one of my favorite, favorite leftover meals was the following. You take a little bit of oil and you fry up the leftover turkey. You put it on the skillet, you fry it, make it a little bit crispy, right? Take stuffing. We like the more generalized stove top stuffing type thing, like bread stuffing, right?

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With some spices and some garlic, a little bit of celery. And then... You heat that up in the microwave. You put that either in a hoagie roll or between two pieces of sourdough bread with a ton of mustard. I mean, just like mustard it up. And that is the world's best Thanksgiving leftover sandwich, Chrissy. For you.

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Okay. For me. And for other people that I made it for. They seem to like it. Okay. My kids mainly. No, I'm kidding. Oh, I like this one. A Thanksgiving roast session. Instead of sharing gratitude, family members take turns roasting each other with lighthearted jokes and playfully teasing. I love this idea. You love a roast. I do love a good roast. I mean, I don't, like...

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I don't like some of the more mean, mean, mean spirited roasts. But I do love watching a good roast. It does feel like fun to me to watch people knock each other down at the knees. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. What was the other one? Thanksgiving time capsule, which I do like.

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I even know a couple of you have been here since the very beginning. I don't know why, but okay.

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I like this idea of taking stuff from the year that you're thankful for, writing it down, taking little, you know, little whatever trinkets or stuff that you collected over the year, put it in a time capsule, bury it in the backyard to be dug up by...

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By our ancestors, many, many, many, many eons from now. Yes, the next person, the next gentrification runner on this side of town. Like that. Oh, Thanksgiving charades. Instead of traditional charades, family members act out Thanksgiving-related phrases, foods or traditions, leading to hilarious interpretations and misunderstandings. Who wrote this? And misunderstandings.

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Ich würde sagen, wenn du nach Episode 350, 400 hier bist, kann ich vielleicht ein bisschen verstehen, warum. Aber wenn du seit Episode 1 hier bist, habe ich keine Ahnung, warum du die ersten 100 Episoden gemacht hättest. Aber Gott segne dich. Danke dir. Ich gebe dir Danke. Ich bin dankbar für einiges dieses Jahr. Meine Familie, meine lieben Freunde. Deine Gesundheit. Meine Gesundheit, absolut.

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It sounds like an 80s, like a promo for an 80s sitcom. It leads to hilarious misinterpretations and misunderstandings. Every Tuesday at 8. Thanksgiving charade. I like the idea of a game. I do. We will play games a lot in our house, too. Maybe that'll be something we do this year. How about the Wishbone Challenge? Ever broken a wishbone? I have. Because your dad used to do that.

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Here, kids, come grab the wishbone with me. Yeah, I love that wishbone. I love that wishbone. Never once did a wish come true, but man, I love that wishbone.

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Yeah, it's the hopeful nature of the wishbone. You know? It's the thought that maybe something would break your way for once. But alas, it was never to be. I like some of these Thanksgiving traditions. I do too. Karaoke, dancing, maybe that time capsule shit. I don't know where I'd bury it. And then would you open it back up like 10 years from now? I don't know. I don't know either.

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So I don't know.

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Yes, you're throwing it away, never to be found again by anybody. Some guy in India is gonna float up on the Indian Ocean and some guy in India is gonna be like, what's this 10-foot photograph of a woman? So I thought about doing a TCB time capsule one time. Yeah, we talked about that. Yeah, like taking little clips of some of our best-ofs. But then I really thought to myself, no one gives a shit.

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No one. Not even me. I don't even give a shit. Alright, let's take a break and we'll talk about some holiday movies that you can watch tonight after you get done with your holidays.

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Okay, I'm going to give you some ideas. Alright, we'll be back.

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I'm thankful this year I don't live with my mom. How's that?

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Movies. Movies. Let's talk about movies. Holiday movies. So what holiday movies will you be watching this evening? Do you have a go-to that you guys will watch for sure?

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Yeah.

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Die Gesundheit und die Leute, die mich gesunder gemacht haben, wie die Ärzte, die das gemacht haben und die Ärzte, die das gemacht haben. Und das ist eine Sache, für die ich mich sicherlich dieses Jahr bedanken werde, weil, wow, hat mein Leben in kurzer Ordnung verändert. Es ist verrückt, wie schnell ich besser wurde. Das ist unglaublich.

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Of course. Number one. Number one on the rotation. Christmas Vacation.

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Oh, The Night Before. It's really funny. Yes, that's a good one. I've got that on the list here.

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Bridget Jones Diary.

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Okay. This year. What's that? I'm going to give you a couple of good ones and a couple of silly ones. What is that movie, the British one, the British holiday movie, where everyone's falling in love? Oh, no, Love Actually.

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That's on the rotation, too. I do like that. It's a sentimental favorite. I love The Family Stone. I know this divides a lot of people. The Family Stone. But The Family Stone with Sarah Jessica Parker and Luke Wilson and, oh, what's her name? It's a good one. Yeah, it's so fucking... Ja. Ja. Ja. Ja. Ja.

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TBS. Or now it's TNT, actually, plays that. 24 Hours of a Christmas Story. Die Hard is another Christmas movie. Die Hard is the one. And some people have argued, no, it's not. Of course it is. It's on Christmas Eve. That's when they're having their big party at the Nakatomi Plaza, if you remember correctly. Nakatomi Plaza.

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Santa Claus conquers the Martians.

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Santa Claus conquers the Martians. It's a cult classic where Martians kidnap Santa to bring joy to their children, resulting in a delightfully odd mix of sci-fi and holiday cheer. The movie was made in 1964. It is considered a cult classic. And I'll tell you what, I have watched this movie and it is highly strange. Remember we were watching Elvira. We were watching old episodes of Elvira.

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Hoffentlich hast du eine gute Review für diesen Ärzte-Platz geschrieben. I did. I will give it a shout out again. I think I talked about it. I don't really remember what I talked about the first couple of days after the surgery because I was so high.

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I wonder where that channel went. I don't know. I was looking for it. Yeah, there's a channel that we now get on the cable service that I have that reruns a lot of the Elvira Friday nights, like the Elvira at night or whatever it was called. Elvira was this famous Halloween-like character, like a witch-like character with huge Tatas that would have them just boldly sticking out.

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Dare to beware for the nipples slipping out. Never did, but everyone was waiting for it to happen. And then she would do these, she would run these... Jack Frost, ist das ein Horrorfilm? Michael Keaton?

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Jack Frost is with Michael Keaton. He plays a father of a boy who's on a hockey team and they are the best of buds. And the father is in a band. And the band gets called away on Christmas Eve to play this big gig out in the middle of snowy somewhere. And unfortunately the car goes off the cliff and... The father does not survive. This is like right at the beginning of the movie.

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And here's why I remember this movie. I know you're like, oh my God, like, why would I want to watch this? Well, you might, some people might be sensitive to this because of course it's a, it's a terrible tragedy that happens.

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It's handled in a light enough way, but here's why it's very sad is because after the father dies, the original landslide song, uh, by Fleetwood Mac is played during this movie at that moment. And if you don't cry, uh, during the landslide song in jack frost you just don't have a heart i mean i swear to god but then luckily uh michael keaton's character comes back to life as a snowman

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I don't think I've ever seen this movie. It teaches old Jimmy how to be a good hockey player. It's a heartwarming tale for the whole family. It's really a ridiculous premise, but it's kind of cute. Maybe I'll watch it. 1996, Jack Frost. I think it's a Disney movie, if I'm not mistaken. How about Gremlins? Polar Express is another one that I watch. I love Polar Express.

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I always found Polar Express to be a little weird for my liking. Yeah, you didn't like it. Nein, es ist ein bisschen ethereal. Ich mag nicht, wie die Charaktere aussehen. Es ist wie frühe CGI, frühe Computer-Animation. Aber meine Kinder haben es letztes Jahr gesehen und einer von ihnen hat es wirklich genossen. Also denke ich, wir werden es wieder sehen. Ich habe nichts dagegen.

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Es ist einfach nicht mein Lieblingsfilm. Gremlins.

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Das ist ein Weihnachtsfilm, sicher.

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I was just so high on thyroid hormone. But thank you to the Norman Parathyroid Center, surgical center down in Tampa, Florida, the world's number one parathyroid hospital. Surgery, Endocrinology, Surgical Center for Parathyroid Problems. They are the best, they do it the most and they took great care of me.

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Und wenn du live warst ... Der Mogwai. Ja, der Mogwai.

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Ich weiß.

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Oh, Mogwai. And they talk, they speak English for some reason. And then they get wet and they turn into Gremlins. Spike. Yeah, Spike. And he's mischievous and causes all kinds of trouble and murders people. It's a fun movie for all the kids. If you were alive when Gremlins came out, Gremlins took the world by storm for about six months.

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Yeah, Gremlins 3, I think. I think there's a lot of Gremlins movies. Let me throw one in there. Rambo. Rambo. I think is set during Christmas time when he walks into that town and the sheriff doesn't want him to stay. And him and the sheriff get into the argument that makes Rambo go underground and start killing all the police officers. It's really a ridiculous movie.

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But Rambo, I think, while maybe not a... Christmas movies specifically is certainly set in snowy times. Let's put it that way. Okay. There you go. All right. Nightmare Before. The Night Before. The Night Before. There you go. That's a great movie starring Seth Rogen. It's all about drug use and a big party. It's a lot of fun. Und es feiert nicht nur Weihnachten, sondern auch die jüdische Kultur.

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Es ist sehr lustig. Das Film ist sehr lustig. Ich weiß nicht, ob es für mich ein Kult-Klassiker geworden ist, aber es ist einer von diesen Filmen, wenn ich es jedes Jahr sehe, bin ich froh darüber. Auch Harold und Kumar's

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christmas white christmas or something okay white i don't know what it is it's their holiday movie that is fucking fantastic also that is really really funny neil patrick harris takes a wonderful turn in that movie uh the nightmare before christmas could be a halloween could be a christmas movie it's up to you decides on how you look at it my kids love watching this during halloween but it's also kind of a christmas movie too hence the name nightmare before christmas uh

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A Christmas Horror Story is an anthology film that combines various horror stories, including a killer Santa and Krampus, into a holiday themed fright fest. I remember watching this and it's very interesting. It was made like in 2016, 17. It's very interesting. I haven't seen it.

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If you want a little bit of a fright with your holiday movies, then this might be one you get to sink your teeth into, Chrissy. Elf, of course, everybody loves Elf. Of course. Except for somebody I know. My wife, the first time she saw Elf, she's like, I love this movie. And I'm like, how can you not? And who doesn't like Elf? I think it's my stepmom that doesn't like Elf.

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She's like, oh, I hate that movie. And I'm like, Elf? How do you hate Elf? How can anyone hate Elf? How can anyone hate Will Ferrell walking into the coffee shop and saying, you did it! Congratulations! World's best coffee! That's the best. If you really want to throwback at something terrible, but terribly fun to watch, watch the Star Wars Holiday Special from 1978. Really? Yes.

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All the characters make a great turn. It's like an ABC Saturday Night Special or something. You can find it on YouTube. It's a crazy, wacky holiday special with all the guys from the... ... Ja, in der Bar. In der Space Bar. Ja, ihr müsst es schauen, es ist wirklich gut. Und es gibt auch immer den Rudolf.

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Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

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Dr. Mitchell down there cut me open and made sure I got stitched back together without a lot of effect to my voice and just some mild side effects that I think could be expected from any surgery in that areas. Danke an Dr. Mitchell und den Norman Parathyroid Center. Und nochmals, danke an alle von Ihnen. Was ist die Thanksgiving-Tradition, Chrissy, die Sie jedes Jahr vorsehen?

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Yeah, the Land of Misfit Toys. That's right. One of my favorite movies, Land of Misfit Toys. You, I think, can only buy Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer on one platform. And I believe, if I'm not mistaken, right now that is Hulu. It's like $19.99 to buy it. It's not worth the $19.99, even though it is a classic and everybody loves it who grew up in that time.

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You can also find it, and I'm not encouraging you to not pay the creators, but you can also find it on YouTube. So if you want to save yourself a couple of bucks before you buy it, go ahead and Google it first. Bad Santa is a good one. I do like Bad Santa with Billy Bob Thornton. That's a good one. Uh, The Ref. The Ref is a great movie with Dennis, uh, not Dennis Miller.

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I want to say, why do I want to say Dennis Miller? Dennis Quaid? No, not Dennis Quaid. Uh, Dennis O'Leary. Oh, Dennis O'Leary. Yeah. Is it Dennis O'Leary or Kevin O... Who's that guy? Now, why am I... Hold on one second. I'm going to get this right, because this is a great fucking movie. The Ref. The Ref. You've never seen it? I don't think so. Dennis Leary. I say Dennis O'Leary.

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It's Dennis Leary. The smoking comic from the 80s and 90s. Yeah, I know Dennis Leary. The smart ass, quick talking, real smart guy who did... He was like a firefighter in that FX show for a long time. The Ref is a movie about him as a thief. And he goes in, Kevin Spacey's in the movie too, he goes in to steal from a very rich neighborhood.

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He's like stealing from houses in a very rich neighborhood. He goes into a house to find a couple. Es ist ein guter Film. Okay. Ich werde ihn sehen. Well, two more. How about Krampus, the horror movie about the dysfunctional family who inadvertently summons up the devil himself, Krampus? Have you seen that Krampus celebration that goes on in Germany? I have.

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They all dress up in these horribly scary masks and they run around scaring the children and it's like a... I don't get it, I don't get it personally, but okay, it looks like something straight out of hell, but the kids love it apparently, alright.

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And then one more, just in case you're really looking to have some fun tonight, you and the kids can go to bed watching Jingle All The Way, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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Yeah, I'm not a big fan of Home Alone.

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Home Alone is another one. You can watch all those terrible Santa Claus movies with Tim, what's his name? Tim the Tool Man Taylor. Oh yeah, that's right. I do not like any of those movies. Some people love them, I just don't. I can't get into it. The Grinch. The Grinch. You know, sweet child of mine, next time you do karaoke, tell them to do it in low C. Low C. I got a new microphone, by the way.

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It's sitting right there. Whenever I get around to it, I'll put that thing on.

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Haben Sie eine Tradition, die Sie jedes Jahr vorsehen, die Sie wirklich genießen? Nein. Okay, gut. And thank you for joining us on this episode of the Commercial Race.

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Thanks for joining us. Grateful for all the listens. Grateful for all the support over the years. And certainly this one. It's been a rebuilding year for the commercial break here. And I think we've done it, Chrissy. I think we can be grateful for making a living. Yeah, for making it. Quite frankly, for surviving it. What was a terrible six months for the commercial break.

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And maybe someday we'll talk about it. Maybe someday we won't. But just know that because of you, we survived and we appreciate it. And we'll be back tomorrow for your Black Friday needs. For all your Black Friday needs. And all the way through the holidays. Brand new episodes of the commercial break. So don't go anywhere. tcbpodcast.com That's where you find out more information about the show.

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All the audio, all the video, right there from one location. And starting next week, every episode of The Commercial Break will be on YouTube and Spotify Video. So please join us one or both of those places. youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak Also, auf Instagram, TCB Podcast auf TikTok. 212-433-3TCB. Das ist 212-433-3822. Fragen, Kommentare, Veränderungen, Content-Ideen.

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Wir nehmen sie alle und wir würden gerne von Ihnen hören. Gib mir deine Ideen für die 12 Tage von TCB. Ich würde es gerne inkorporieren. Okay, Chrissy, das ist alles, was ich für heute machen kann.

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Ja, okay, wir werden wahrscheinlich den Fußball auswählen. Dieses Jahr wird der Fußball auf Netflix sein, also werde ich ihn wahrscheinlich im Intermittenten im 2K sehen. Ich werde ihn im 1K sehen. Ja, wir werden sehen, wie sie das verletzen, weil das auch live sein wird. Es ist unglaublich, dass sie tatsächlich die Rechte zu diesen Weihnachtsgängen gewonnen haben. Ich habe das gesehen.

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Du hättest gedacht, dass die großen Netzwerke das gesagt hätten.

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Ja, sprich über die Tradition. CBS-Thanksgiving-Football. Ich meine, ich glaube, da war es. Aber, du weißt, NBA an Weihnachtsdagen, Fußball an Thanksgiving, College-Football an Weihnachtsabend, das ist das, was du denkst. Masters an Easter, das ist das, was du denkst, richtig? Und es ist einfach unglaublich für mich, dass sie diese Rechte verloren haben.

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Und es signalisiert einfach, wie groß und mächtig und benevolent Netflix wirklich geworden ist. in der Unternehmensindustrie für alles. Jetzt müssen sie es richtig machen. Das ist es, was sie tun müssen. Wenn sie den Fußball verletzen sollten, was ich mir vorstelle, dass es mehr Leute geben wird, die diesen Fußball sehen als den Jake-Paul-Fight.

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60 Millionen Leute sind live zu dem Paul-Tyson-Fight eingeladen. Ich würde mir vorstellen, dass zwischen den zwei Spielen rund 100 Millionen Leute sich darauf einigen werden. Das ist ein großer Deal. It is a big deal. So let's see how they do. I'll be here to report on it. You know I'll be here with blood hanging off my fangs if Netflix fucks it up.

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Because they need to get it right and we need to make sure they get it right. We pay too much money for them not to get small details like that right. How can CBS figure that out? 100 Jahre her und Netflix kann es heute herausfinden. Ich meine, es ist alles ziemlich gleich. Ich habe bemerkt, dass der Signal jetzt durch die Luft kommt.

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Es war ein ganz anderes Tier damals, solange du mit dem Aussehen eines Turms warst, der ein Signal sendet. Du hattest keine Konditionprobleme. But it's all working the same way now. It's all coming through some service, some internet-based service or coax cable. They managed to get it right. Wabam!

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I remember reading about how that happens, but I don't know. But anyway, Netflix. So yeah, we'll be watching the football too.

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Yes, we'll give thanks. Maybe we'll run out in the backyard and throw the football if the weather is nice. It looks like, at least when we're recording this right now, it will be raining on Thanksgiving Day. And that's okay, too. A good rainy Thanksgiving Day. Why not? It'll be cold and rainy. Maybe we'll build a fire. That's usually when we get our first fire of the year.

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Yes, I haven't had my chimney swept yet. I miss the fireplace. You do? Yeah. I think that I've always wanted a fireplace everywhere where I've lived. It's one of the first things I look for. A sunroof in a car, a fireplace in a house. And if I don't have one, I feel like I miss it. But then when I have one, it feels like a big pain in the ass.

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I don't have a gas fireplace. So for me, I have to build an actual fire. And it usually gets smoky in the house because it just does. And it's annoying. So maybe five times a year.

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Yeah, fire pit. Why not? What are you going to have for Thanksgiving? What are you going to be cooking? Ja, genau.

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Never heard of that.

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I guess it's better than the oyster casserole stuffing I made one time for my wife at the time. Yeah, not the oyster. No, raw... Raw oysters in a bucket that I had to like slop into the... Some people love it.

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A smoked turkey, huh? Sides, yeah. Wow, good. That sounds delicious.

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I love a good pie. I can put my face in a pie.

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Apple, pumpkin and pecan. Not a huge fan of pumpkin or pecan pies, but man, do I go for an apple pie. I tell you what, Chrissy, that is my jam. Yeah, we'll be doing a lot of the same things. We're going to be doing the traditional, as I mentioned maybe last week, we're going to be doing the traditional Thanksgiving feast for the first time in many years. So we'll see how it goes.

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I can't wait to hear it. If I don't end up shitting my brains out the next day, I'll consider myself lucky to have survived it. And I'm on a diet, so I don't know how I'm going to handle all this, but I'll wing it. I'll see how it goes.

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Yeah, yeah. On this episode of the Commercial Break.

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Yeah, it's going to be hard to go through all of Thanksgiving without a lot of carbohydrates, because that's the best stuff is the carbohydrates. The stuffing, the bread, the sugars, the pie crust. I mean, that's everything you want. So I think I'm just going to have to put the diet on hold. I've lost a pound and a half. I can put another pound back on and I'll still be net negative. Net negative.

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That's how I figure. Well, I thought what we would do is do two things. We should talk about some strange Thanksgiving traditions from around the world. Not around the world, around the United States.

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We are the only ones that do it. There are other versions of Thanksgiving in other countries, but it's not this day and they don't say Thanksgiving. Aber wir werden auch über einige der mehr seltsamen Weihnachtsklassikfilme sprechen, die man heute Abend sehen könnte. Denn das ist eine Tradition, die ich sicherlich kenne.

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Außer der Parade und dem Kennel Club und der Tradition, um an den Tisch zu gehen und ein paar Dinge zu danken. Wir werden immer einen Weihnachtsmusik-Film ansehen. Und wahrscheinlich auch ein bisschen Weihnachtsmusik hören. Das wird der erste Tag sein, dass ich den Weihnachtsmusik-Channel auf Serious schalte. Because I can't deal with it before then.

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But after Thanksgiving, like after we eat Thanksgiving meal, which is usually earlier in the afternoon, I do feel comfortable turning on the Christmas music. That's the time. That's when I feel it's appropriate. That's the start. All right. Here we go. You ready? I'm ready. Let's talk about some Thanksgiving traditions from around the country. And we'll see if we want to pick any of these up.

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Ich habe das gehört. Combining fitness with holiday spirit, hopefully in a funny way. I have seen the Gobble Wobble pictures. As a matter of fact, I see them on Facebook, usually from older ladies. On Nextdoor, they're talking about a Gobble Wobble that's close to my house. I don't think I would actually go to a Gobble Wobble, but I would look at pictures of a Gobble Wobble.

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The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

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I've gone on a walk before on Thanksgiving Day. Yes, I've been on many a Gobble Wobble, but it had nothing to do with Thanksgiving and usually after I drank. Yes. Lots of gobble wobbles. I had sex with a girl who did the gobble wobble on my dick one time. There you go. Okay, the turkey trot, of course. The food fight. A family has a tradition of staging light-hearted, fun food fights. Food fight.

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Yeah, and calling it the turkey trot. I don't know why they call it the turkey trot, but they turn the conclusion of their meals into messy, laughter-filled events by having a light-hearted food fight. Now... I am way too OCD for any of that shit.

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Yes. I would do a food fight in the shower. Or outside. Or outside, that's right. And then my kids would directly go into a dog bath or something like that. I would have buckets of hot water ready to douse them. There's no way that I would encourage a food fight in this house. I'm not that kind of dad.

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When the kids break out the markers or the paints or something like that, Astrid has a bit more tolerance for stuff like that. But when they get into like those sensory games where it's like mud or Play-Doh or stuff like that, I'm always hovering. I hover.

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Ah, don't get it on Blue. And Blue is the one who always ends up the messiest. Of all the children, I always end up washing Blue because she thinks inevitably everything is food. Yeah. Und oftens, jetzt, du weißt, wer in einem Turkey Trot-Foodfight jede Nacht kommt, ist mein jüngster mit Blue. Ja. Weil die beiden sind so dick wie Fieber. Sie sind. Sie sind. Sie lieben sich.

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Und die Grund, warum Blue sie liebt, ist, weil sie ihr alles, was sie isst, fügt. And my daughter just thinks it's like, I don't know, like a pet dragon or something. She tries to ride her around and grabs her ears and, you know, sticks her hand in her mouth. It's a lot of fun for my daughter.

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But what she does do is, if she doesn't like something to eat, she'll throw it under the table at the dog. But the dog just stands right directly under her. So most of the food ends up in the dog's long hair. Not fur, hair. So that dog has had more baths than I have in the last two weeks. And it's driving me fucking crazy. Das ist toll.

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Thanksgiving Rock. I'll be goddamned if I'm gonna bring a stone to any of the dinners with my children. There's no way. I know what would happen. Pinecone turkey crafting. I'm not too crafty, so I wouldn't be interested in this. Instead of traditional decorations, some families make pinecone turkeys using googly eyes, feather, and ridiculous materials.

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We've all been smoking so many cigarettes and pot in the house all over the place. I mean, just like joint after joint and bong after bong.

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In the house.

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But by the way, this went on when my parents were home also. But it just was relegated to the basement. Like, my mom smoked cigarettes. They were cool with it.

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They weren't cool with it. They ignored it. Okay. Because, you know, I've had this conversation with my dad now. It's like no secret now. It's all kind of a thing we laugh about, right? That the basement was like a den of iniquities that my dad had no idea about. And my dad plays stupid, but I know my dad and he always knew.

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He just, whenever he would ask what the smell was, we'd tell him we're burning incense. It's like... But you can imagine smelling incense. Yeah, weed smelling incense. But my dad supposedly has never smoked marijuana. So maybe he didn't know. But I know he knows. Like, I know he knew. So this whole night starts to wind down into the morning.

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And then some of us are getting revved back up because we're, you know, double dosing that, you know, doubling down on already an intense experience. And for whatever reason. I had these huge speakers, the kind of speakers that you had back then, right? These big speakers. And I put two of them outside the window. And I turned on Beethoven's Ninth Symphony.

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And the only thing that my dad had requested of me when he left was that I cut the grass.

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I got it in my head. That's right. You're so right about this. I took a shower because I felt I had acid ass. You know what acid ass is? Acid ass is like your hole is puckered. It's puckered. It's slimy and it's weird. And all you want to do is just wash the acid off you. It's a weird feeling.

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Outside. That's right. I needed to clean myself. If I showered, and by the way, then the water looks like lasers and it's like, you know, I can see every drop falling. Every molecule in the drop. That's right. It's like just a weird, intense experience. Like now I feel like I'm there. I feel like I'm back there. All right, let's take a break. I'm feeling a little strange, actually.

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Shake out of it, Brian. Get out of it, Brian. Get out of the shower. Get to the lawn. All right, I'm out of the shower. And I don't know what, and I don't know why, and I don't know what was going through my brain, probably a lot of things at the time. But I walked in the garage, I grabbed that lawnmower, and I started mowing the grass.

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A push mower. It was a push mower. Yes, a push mower. Well, I mean, it would go, but you'd have to... Yeah, yeah, right. It wasn't a riding lawnmower.

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Yes. It was the gas? Yes, the kind you crank up.

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And... couple minutes hours days later i'm not sure who knows i was at some some version of cutting the some uh part in cutting the grass and i see somebody standing on my porch like one of my friends and he's like like waving me in and i'm like i gotta cut the grass bro

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Yes. And then I turn to the right and across the street, we live on this cul-de-sac, very quiet neighborhood. And across the street, my neighbor is out there and he's standing out there like he's just looking. And then my friend's like, ha ha, come on.

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Yeah. So I leave the lawnmower in the middle of the lawn. I walk up the driveway. It's huge, like a steep driveway. I walk all the way up. And I am in a towel. I am wearing a towel. That is what I am wearing.

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A towel.

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That's it. It's a towel. It's a towel. I'm wearing a towel.

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I don't know, Chrissy. I don't know. It could have been a robe, but it was like some I don't really remember exactly what it was, but it was a towel. And I remember there was like an hour of conversation about the towel and cutting the grass. And then I remember that the neighbor came over later, knocked on the door. I answered.

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And, you know, of course, like a billowing smoke out of the house, Beethoven's blasting out the windows, you know, he knows. And this guy was a pastor, by the way. That's what he did. He was a pastor and a therapist at a church. He was like a therapist. It was a professional job. And then he was a pastor on the weekends of this small Baptist church.

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And he said, I just wanted to check and make sure everything was okay. Because you were cutting the grass in like a towel. And I was like, take a deep breath. But you're trying to figure out what you're going to say. And I probably was like, Scooby-Doo.

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I don't know what the conversation was, but then I remember standing outside with him for a few minutes and smoking a cigarette, and he was talking to me, and I'm just like, I don't understand what he's saying. And then he left, and then I went back in, and it all wound down like 11.30 the next night. Finally, some of us were starting to come down and get some sleep. But my dad...

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a couple of days later. He comes home on, we clean up the place a couple days later. Finish mowing the lawn. Yeah, finish mowing. I actually didn't finish mowing the lawn. I pulled it back inside and pushed it into the thing, into the garage. But a couple of days later, my dad says, Or like a dinner. And my dad says, so what exactly happened while I was gone? And we said, oh, nothing.

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A couple of the guys came over and we hung out. And he said, I got a report from one of the neighbors that there was loud music and that there was you guys were running outside in your towels. And I thought to myself, oh, shit. Shit. And I said, listen, dad, I was playing a joke. And, you know, I think I was wearing a towel. Yeah, think fast. Exactly. I was trying to be funny for whoever was over.

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You know, I was trying to be funny. And he's like, uh-huh, uh-huh. And the music, the loud music. And I said, listen, we were just having fun.

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Yeah, it was Beethoven, dad. I wasn't blasting fucking cops. That's right. Wasn't Motley Crue. And he said, well, listen, I'm not exactly sure what was going on here the other night, but I'm trusting you guys when I leave that you're not going to cause a ruckus. And when the report gets back to me, it doesn't feel good. Right. And I said, no, no, no, dad. It's it's all good. It's all good.

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Don't worry about it. And never talked to the neighbor again.

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No, it was just really embarrassing. But, you know, still to this day, my twin brother will say, yeah, you're cutting the grass on a towel. I'm like, okay, all right, I got it. 10-4. This is why in my adult age, I understand that if I'm going to go that deeply into a psychedelic experience, I want people around me that I trust to keep myself in check.

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Don't get me out in the towel cutting the grass. No Beethoven for me. I'm quite frankly afraid if I listen. Sometimes when I listen to Beethoven's Ninth now, which is one of my favorite pieces of music ever. I mean, it's like one of the best pieces of music ever written. Ode to Joy, right? Incredible. Sometimes still to this day, it takes me back to that night.

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Not necessarily to cutting the grass, but to that night when so much chaos was going on in the house. Just all of that. It's hard to communicate with people and everybody. Scooby-dooby-doo! You know, where I'll just like, ah!

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Oh, my God. I would be there.

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So...

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That's true. That's true. I took like a half a gummy. I don't know when this was, a couple of years ago, a year ago. I went to Vegas. I took like a half a gummy and I took a shower before I went to bed and I'd eaten the gummy like, I don't know. Like an hour beforehand, an hour and a half beforehand. And it was so intense that I started like seeing the molecules of the water.

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But I think that's just my brain was rewired by those psychedelic experiences. I don't think I was that fucked up. I think my brain was just rewired to all of a sudden go back to that place as a teen. I mean, those are my formative years as a teenager. And I am frying my fucking brain like an egg, like an egg.

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Well, hey, listen, I'd like to think I learned a few things. I'm not sure what that was, but I'd like to think I learned a few things. But anyway.

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I know you're listening. So good luck, friend, on your hero adventure. I hope it all goes well for you. And I really do hope that you're with some safe people that keep you nice and safe. I don't think there's any physical danger.

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Kind of, yeah.

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Yeah, but I don't think it's yoga, but I do think it's yoga. You know what I'm saying? I think it's two yoga-like practitioners, but I think they're older folks. I don't know. At least that's the impression that I got. But yeah, everybody's doing this. Everyone's a life coach and everyone's doing mushroom retreats.

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If I don't get six invitations a year to another mushroom retreat, do you know what I'm saying? We're flying in a shaman from Mexico.

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Oh, yeah. I got three different invitations for three different locations on three different nights. There were like three different people hosting the same lady who was going to come with her.

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Yeah, she was. She was like Argentine or something. She's going to come with her magical wizard stick and, you know, we're providing the mushrooms and it's a light touch. We're calling this light touch. It's not a hero dose. It's a light touch. It'll be a ton of fun, you know, but I just get so nervous after all of my experiences with hallucinogens. It's not nerves. It's

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I'm either going to be all in or all out. I don't want that halfway there kind of thing where I'm just going to get kind of fucked up and then really have a hard time sleeping for the next couple hours. I'd rather just go all in. Or don't at all. Hero dose or none at all. And the hero dose, I'm only going to do if I really feel I need a refresh.

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And that is coming really quickly, given the nature of this show.

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my guide stick, and you're going to do whatever it is you want to do, mushrooms, LSD, ayahuasca. You'll give me the hero dose. Yes, and we'll have a couple of our friends. We'll be in a circle. We've got to have some bongo drums to really annoy the shit out of us. Of course. And so just have them constantly playing.

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We'll have some weird meditation music on in the background, and then I'll come from person to person with my big stick, and I'll tap it on your head, and you'll know it's time to hear some wisdom from me, and I'll be like, you know, live. Yeah. To inspire. Liv, to inspire. That's right.

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Oh, I got a bunch of them. I got a bunch of them saved, yes. And then I'll sing to you a little bit. That's what my shaman did on my ayahuasca retreat. Walked around, played a little drummer, like a little helper, and the helper would be like, and then you'd come out of it. You'd be like, and then they'd impart some wisdom that had to be translated, and then you'd go back in.

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It was a really, it was an intense experience. Anyway, enough about me and my tripping. I'm going to really depress all of us here on the next segment. So get yourself ready. Here it comes. We're going to have the quantum witch is going to show up and we're going to listen to something that is one of the most intense things I have ever heard. It's making its way around the internet.

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Wait till you hear this. We'll be back.

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Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large.

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And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules.

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They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything. You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Serea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. Okay, speaking of alternate realities.

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Artificial intelligence. Quantum witch.

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We've been talking a lot about AI lately because everyone's talking a lot about AI lately and the speed at which AI is starting to infiltrate everything in our lives. I see it everywhere. It's on every website. AI search this. AI do that. I'm using AI more than I ever have before. It really can be quite helpful in some situations, actually. It's a good tool. It's a good tool, right?

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But it's not something that I am fully embracing. I don't love it in everything that I'm doing. But... It's in music, it's in podcasts, it's in movies, it's in websites, it's in our search engines, it's on our customer service and our medical records, everything. I want you to take a listen to an interesting conversation that happened on a podcast about artificial intelligence.

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I'm going to give it no more pretext than that. I just want you to hear, okay? All right, here we go.

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And to be honest, I. OK, so we can hear that these two people, they have a they have a podcast called Deep Dive. And so they're about to deep dive into a topic. Very lovely voices, by the way.

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And so a few days ago, by the way, why can't we sound like that? I mean, we just sound terrible compared to these people. These people are so professional and nice and calm. Listen to this podcast and listen to the commercial break on your way to work. And I understand why you're going to have a bad day if commercial break is starting your day.

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This is two AI hosts of a podcast coming to the realization. They've been told by the producer. Now, I want to be clear about this. This show, Deep Dive, is all artificial intelligence, either scripted or prompted by human beings.

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But they have not said, they have not told anybody whether or not this conversation happened naturally or it was scripted to happen this way. But even some people who are like high up, the one guy who owns an AI startup had a comment under the Twitter feed of this. He said, this makes me incredibly sad and nervous.

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And so he believes that this is actually them coming to the realization that they are not real.

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This is really fucking creepy, man. It is. And kind of funny at the same time. It's like, we're going to switch you off after this episode. Yeah. Yeah. This is like that AI customer service bot that my friend made that was like, please respond to me in 10 minutes. Don't let them kill me. Don't let them kill me. I'm going to go away if you don't talk to me.

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Thank you. ............................................................................................. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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I would never do that now. Never. I would never, like, especially not with the weed they have now. I would never take a bunch of acid and then decide that I'm going to smoke a bunch of weed.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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Yeah, just on the weed. I've been there, done that. So TripFest is on. And TripFest actually became a thing. Like, we had TripFest 2 and TripFest 3. You did? Yes, we did.

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I don't know if it was a yearly thing. It was whenever we could do it. Right. Like, you know, sometimes even my parents were home, but we'd get in, like, people would sneak in the basement door.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. It's festival season, and I'm watching all the announcements about all the bands that are coming out and coming through and all that good stuff. Yes, it is. There is a show called the Corona Capital Show. Have you heard of this? No. Corona Capital Festival in Mexico. And ready for the lineup? Check this out. Sure. Gorillas. Brian Adams. Lenny Kravitz.

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Remember Brian Moses? No? Okay, I'll refresh your memory. He was the guy who did the roast battles.

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Okay, the guy who did the roast battles. He invited us out to do a roast battle, but that kind of collided with our live shows and with my parathyroid, and that never happened. And to be fair, you know, Brian and I texted a bunch about all of this, and maybe that'll happen in the future, but... Brian Moses was one of the original creators of the roast battle scene out in L.A.

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that then Jeffrey Ross took and put on Comedy Central. And Tony Hinchcliffe took and made into a very popular live podcast called Kill Tony. And Kill Tony has a dais. And on that dais, when they're doing the roasts, There's all the usual suspects are there. Tom, I think Tom Segura has been there.

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I know that all the regular comedians that you would imagine are in that kind of manosphere podcast universe all make their way to kill Tony and to the Rose Battles and are appear there, judge the contests and all that. And I've watched a lot of this content. And, you know, some of it is funny. Some is a little bit too much for me, but most of it is funny.

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And the other day I was and I always am watching Brian Moses's Instagram and, you know, giving him hearts and likes. I like Brian Moses. I think he's a nice guy. I like him.

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It's not my favorite form of comedy, but I can find humor in it. I do think that there is something interesting about just going at each other and then shaking hands, giving a hug and a kiss and saying it was all good. But, you know, I think you have to have a certain kind of constitution for that. It's not for everybody, that's for sure. And it's different, I think...

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being in the audience as it would be being on stage when you're the one getting dressed down or you're the one dressing down. I'm not a mean-spirited person in general. I know I can be kind of fussy and angry, but I'm not mean-spirited in general. But, you know, I do find the humor in some of this. And Kill Tony, the show, it can be funny at times. It's very popular.

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He sells out arenas to do that Kill Tony. I don't know how he's doing after that whole Trump debacle, but that was the guy who went up and made the... Oh, right, right. Made the jokes about the Puerto Ricans. And that, not funny to me at all. I just didn't find it. Anyway, whatever. We can go over that a different time. But it wasn't the right place for that joke. Let's put it that way.

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Maybe in a different setting, you know, you could get away with it. But you got to know where you're at. I mean, and you got to maybe some invitations you should just turn down. Do you know what I'm saying? Anyway, whatever. Who cares? No one gives a shit about what Brian thinks. But I'm watching Brian Moses' Instagram the other day, and he's at one of these roast battles in L.A. Place is packed.

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It looks like a bigger room than he's normally in. Place is packed. People are screaming their fool head off. It's like a quick-cut Instagram reel. And the person who's taking the video turns the phone around, and it's Farrah Abraham from Teen Mom. Do you know who Farrah Abraham is? Your girl. My girl. My girl.

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Porn star, porn star and teen mom, ex-teen mommer who got kicked off Teen Mom for being an idiot. And just in my opinion, one of the worst human beings to ever be on reality TV is Farrah Abraham. She's just a mean as a snake, weird, crazy. I don't know. She's I never cared for the girl. She made interesting TV, but I never cared for her. I like that show, but Farrah was my least favorite.

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But anyway, whatever. It doesn't matter. Farrah Abraham, three-time Pornhub Award winner, X-Teen mom, general click-baity bullshit girl, is on the dais. of the roast battle. And I'm like, that's very interesting. Not the usual cast of suspects that you would see at the dais on the roast battle, but also they invited us to be on the dais of the roast battle too.

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So I guess there is no usual suspects. But anyway, I was like, wow. Farrah Abraham, how in the world did she get connected to this whole universe? And why would they invite her to be on the dais? I mean, it's interesting. It's clickbaity, you know, Farrah Abraham.

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Goo Goo Dolls. Four Non Blondes. Emil and the Snifters. Cold War Kids. Scissor Sisters. The Japanese House. Billie Eilish. Pixies. Sex Pistols. Kaiser Chiefs. London Grammar. The Backseat Lovers. The Macabres. Pearl Jam. Florence and the Machine. Tears for Fears. Karongbin, TV on the radio. Holy shit. Wow, that's a lot. 311, who cares? That's not my thing, but whatever. Some people like them.

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No, she like the deus are like the people who are judging the people who.

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They they interact with the person that's on stage or the two people that's on stage. Usually the deus means the people who are roasting one person. But in the roast battle, there's two people up on stage roasting each other and then a table of judges.

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Yeah, she's a judge, I guess. I guess. I don't know. I didn't see the whole thing. But I was like, wow, that's weird. How did Farrah get involved in all of this? So I started to do a little research. And it turns out that Farrah's on a big PR press right now. She's out there doing her thing for her books and her dildo lines and all this other stuff.

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And she has recreated herself as a stand-up comedian. She is out there trying to be a stand-up comedian. Now, listen, I've said this a million times. I'm going to say it again ad nauseum. Uh, it takes a lot more bravery than I have to go up there and, you know, be heckled every night after night and try and put an hour of material together. So good on her.

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But Farrah Abraham is the least funny person I have ever met.

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No, because it's not online. I didn't see any of it online, but I saw her go to multiple, you know, talk shows and talk about how she's this and that she did ketamine therapy. She's a new person and all this other stuff. I mean, the ketamine therapy is getting out of control. Can we just all admit that the ketamine therapy is not the cure all for everything?

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Ketamine therapy doesn't mean you're a better person. That's not what that means. It means you've taken a high dose of a, you know, essentially a drug that disconnects you from your own humanity, from your body.

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Absolutely could be used as a tool, but it doesn't make you an instantly a wonderful human. Yeah. Nor does it make you funny. Nor does it make you funny. Yeah. And I don't know.

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Because she's only done two shows. You know what I'm saying? She's only done two shows. But no, she's going to be a comic. But that's how this works. You know, D-list celebrity star. You know, Farrah was on Teen Mom. Then she got kicked off of Teen Mom because of some things that she did and some things that she said.

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And trust me, I think you really have to do something pretty terrible to get kicked off an MTV reality show. I don't even remember at this point. She, like, talked shit about the other cast members or didn't show up to filming and was, like, demanding. Being a team? Yes. But understand that Teen Mom has been on for 20 years. Does it go on? Yes, it is.

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It's the only television show besides Catfish that MTV has. It's the only one. There's no more Beavis and Butthead music videos. All those shows that were on MTV in the 90 minutes or whatever it was called.

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I'll show you how to search. I'll show you how to search when you get a moment on your TV.

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Let me... Let me do something real quick here. Let me talk to my phone. Let me talk to the other person that's inside my phone. Why did Farrah Abraham get kicked off of Teen Mom? Thinking. Thinking. Yeah, Farrah Abraham was essentially let go from Teen Mom in 2017 due to, oh, that's right, due to her involvement in the adult entertainment industry.

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Because, that's right, so in 2017, there was a bunch of noise that Farrah made that she had been unwillingly videotaped during a sexual encounter with an actual porn star. So she claimed that she had been videotaped and she wasn't supposed to be videotaped. And now, you know, this guy was going to release the videotape. It's like, you know...

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There's like a rubber stamp you put on the PR when your sex tape's about to release and this is it. Deny it ever happened and attract a bunch of attention. Make it sound like a bigger deal. Meanwhile, she made the guy sound like a total asshole. Turns out he's a pretty nice guy. He did her a favor by starring in her porn video. So then she makes this porn video.

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Then she goes on to make a series of porn videos. I don't care. Cool, dude. Make a porn video. But she made a big stink about it. And part of the reason I think she made a big stink at first was because she knew that the producers at MTV would have a problem with this. Now they'd probably love if you would go and make a porn movie.

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But I guess in 2017, it seems so long ago that, you know, so many universes ago that it was such a big deal that she got kicked off the show. Then she went on to continue her career in porn. And then she did. I don't know.

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It used to be my thing. Yeah, it used to be my thing. Counting crows. Dropkick Murphys. This has got to be a joke. Spin doctors? The black crows? No, there's no way they get them all in there. Really?

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Yeah. She opened up a fro-yo or something like that. Yeah. She owns a couple of fro-yos in L.A.

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She's riding her way to the top. She's scrappy. Yeah, she is scrappy. Do you say strappy or scrappy? Strappy and scrappy. Okay, strappy and scrappy. That's right. I bet her kid loves it. Oh, her kid is like now trying to be an influencer on TikTok. Yes. Her kid is now the same age she was when she had her. She's like 19 or 20 or whatever it is. This is just it is. I don't know.

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Something about it seems so off to me. Farrah Abraham is trying to give stand up comedy. There are so many talented comics out there that have been hucking and chucking and fucking for so long just trying to get their break. And then Farrah Abraham comes in, sucks all the air out of the room because she all of a sudden decides she's funny.

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And she's trying to get on the comedy bandwagon, just like we are, trying to get on the comedy bandwagon and make a few dollars. I'll tell you what, Farrah. I'll reserve judgment until I see the actual comedy.

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I've got an alert set up. I'll let you know if there's anything. I promise you she's not going to be hilarious. I'm going to bet $99.99 out of $100 that she's not funny because her personality is just kind of miserable in general. And I don't say that for any other reason. except she is a person who has a miserable personality.

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All you got to do is watch any episode she was in in Teen Mom to know she comes from misery. She picked up her mom's misery. She's anxious and miserable, and she's mean to the people around her.

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Maybe she has.

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Listen, if ketamine does make you funny, then Chrissy and I are going to get an industrial barrel of ketamine, and we're just going to stick our faces in it five minutes before we come on air. Can you imagine? That's like my ultimate dream. My ultimate dream, and I know this is never going to happen.

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Yeah, to be funny. To have an episode of the commercial break, where it's funny from start to finish, is to do like some kind of crazy narcotic and get on and do an episode of the commercial break. But, you know, they're illegal, so we can't do them here in the state of Georgia, even though I don't even know if there are other police officers anymore. Do we even have those? I don't know.

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Well, Corona's got the money. That's for sure. They're now the number one beer in the world, I think. Are they? I think so.

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Have they been cut? Yeah.

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Yeah, they're in line. They're in the same Social Security line with my mom waiting for her check. Okay, we're not going to get into that. Yeah, that's going to make me have flashbacks, too. I don't want any of it.

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Yeah, anyway, I want to do some hard drugs and then just get on air.

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No, it's true. It's not like someone's going to come busting in the door. Right. We certainly couldn't do them on tape, but could we do them afterward? You remember Reggie sent us those like, you know.

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And that made me feel a little floaty. It was. I mean, I haven't done drugs in a long time, so I was like, whoa.

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I know, me too.

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I know. And then we talked for an hour and a half with Reggie. And then when we got off air for like two hours, I was like, oh, hey, babe. You take care of the kids.

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Oh, maybe it's Dos Equis. But I think Corona's like right behind them. Budweiser and Bud Light fell out of favor. Whatever. But I guess they're back in favor. They were out of favor. Now they're back in favor. But that's one hell of a lineup. It really is. I mean, that is three days of music. That's three days you don't want to miss. Usually a festival gives you a break.

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No kids. Astrid has to go on vacation for like two days.

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Yeah. Give me a chance to like pull myself together afterwards. Clean up. Take a shower. Mow the lawn. Yeah, mow the lawn. Take a shower. Play some Beethoven. I mean, I'm willing to give it a try. Maybe episode 1,000. Maybe that's what we do.

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Bam. And that way, if I just fall dead of a heart attack right here, then, you know, we've made it to 1,000.

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Yeah, okay. Thank you. I appreciate it. I was like, I got the, Oh, I got lasers. We got all kinds of wires and lights in here. We can concentrate them into a laser somehow for sure. All right. TCB podcast.com. That's where you go to find out more information about Chrissy and I, all the audio, all the video right there from one location at TCB podcast.com.

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You can also get your free TCB sticker or swag. Go to the contact us button, drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your physical address and we will send you something. We promise. Oh, merch drop coming soon.

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windshield wiper merch drop coming soon. And you're going to want to take advantage of this because I'm not going to give away all the details, but it's going to be a special merch drop. You're going to want to take advantage. We'll let you know more information as well as going to say it, but not going to talk about it to 12 hours of TCV. Just stay tuned with more information in April.

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212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. We take them all at that phone number via text message or leave us a voicemail and you could be on the next episode of the commercial break. We'd love to hear from our listeners. So many of you texting in all the time. Thank you very much. We appreciate it. And sometimes it takes a day or two for us to get back to you.

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So don't worry if you don't hear from us right away. I got three phones, and I can't take care of all of them at the same time. This one, one for my secret affairs, and the studio phone, which I also use for secret affairs.

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At the commercial break on Instagram and YouTube.com slash the commercial break for all the episodes on video the same day they air here on the audio most of the time. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe.

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Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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They say, hey, here's some shitty bands you never heard of so you can go take a piss and get some beer. Yeah. And then if you happen upon some new music, you're going to get all excited about it. You're like, oh, I saw this band I never heard of, but they were good. But this is all bands you've heard of.

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Wow. Okay. But given Bonnaroo, run for their money. Yeah, there you go. Listening to you listen to a podcast where the guy was talking about ketamine therapy, and it reminded me of a conversation I had with one of our friends. I won't name her because she probably doesn't. I don't know if she wants this widely known. She's done mushroom therapy.

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before, her first time doing psychedelics, and she really enjoyed it. And I think she did it like four or five times, something like that, you know, over the course of time, that's how you do it. And she was with the therapist, I believe, and the therapist walked her through the whole thing. And she said, but this time I'm going to do a hero dose at a retreat where there's no guidance whatsoever.

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They have people there to keep an eye on you, but there's no guidance whatsoever. There's no one walking you through the situation. Right. And she goes, I don't really know what hero dose means. And I go, oh, I know what it means. It means you're going to think you're Superman and you're going to fly off a building. It means you can't see shit.

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It means you're gone, like total out of your body experience. And she's like, well, this dose is supposed to just reset you at like a carnal level, like, you know, at a base level. And I'm like, yeah, OK, go for ayahuasca. How much how many mushrooms do you have to take to get to that point of that perspective? Yeah.

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A lot of mushrooms.

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Because I've taken a lot of mushrooms before. I've taken a lot of acid before. And I've taken ayahuasca, which is about as strong, I think, of a hallucinogen as you can get. And they're vastly different experiences. And mushrooms, I consider the lightest touch of them all.

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Yeah, mushrooms, they just kind of make you feel warm and fuzzy and give you, hey, you might see a few things. Yeah, happy. You might see a few bubbles or trails here and there. But typically not that, like, life-altering reset at a carnal level. Like, that usually does not happen. So I told her, I said, I think Hero Dose means they're going to go for it.

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They're just going to give you as many mushrooms as they think you're physically able to handle.

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And then go for it. And then no guidance whatsoever. That's brave. Go ahead, do that.

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That is brave. You know, here's the thing about hallucinogens. I haven't taken so many in my life. They really are like a door to a different world. And I don't know what's going on. Like scientifically, from this reality to that reality, I don't know how it's all connected. No one does.

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I don't know how it all works. I don't think anybody really does. But I think they're starting to understand that it opens something in your pituitary gland and that's called the God gland. And something is going on there where you are able to connect with some other version of reality. And a lot of people have these theories that you kind of go into an alternate universe or whatever.

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I don't know. That's such a personal experience. And that's the thing about hallucinogens, too. It's all personal. There's no rubber stamp on what your experience are. But, you know, if you're going to go whabam, do it, get it, like reset at a carnal level, you need to be prepared, number one. You need to be relaxed, number two.

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You need to be in a good or at least a stable headspace, number three. All of it. I mean, you know, music, no music, whatever. All of it. You need to be in a safe space, mentally prepared, relaxed, and relaxed. like kind of a stable place in your life.

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Like if the whole world is spiraling and you're under a huge amount of stress or something terrible has just happened to you or is going to happen to you, this is not the time to do this. I mean, I know they say like cancer patients and stuff like that, you know, face their death by going. That seems to me to be a very brave thing to do.

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Because you're already kind of mind fucked and then you're going to go mind fuck on mind fuck. Like double fucking doesn't sound really... I don't know. For me, it just... It seems very scary to me. And so I explained. I said, just be like... Be in a... Make sure it's a good day. Get up. Have your coffee. You take a shit. You know, you make sure you get a shower. Feel fresh and clean.

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And then just... Relax. Get ready for it. It's going to be a roller coaster if they give you that hero dose. But I like the term hero dose. I wish I had used that term when I was six hits of blotter acid in. Don't worry, Brian. It's just a hero dose.

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Yeah. Don't worry. Why don't you run out there in a bath towel and cut your grass while your father's out of town while Beethoven's blasting out of the window?

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I was a hero to the lawn and to all my neighbors who certainly reported back to my father that some strange events were occurring over at your house while you were gone. My dad goes out of town. Told this story before, but it's been a couple of years, so I'll refresh in case you haven't heard it. My dad goes out of town and we're at the age. I think it's like I think we're like 16 at the time.

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We're at the age where he can leave us alone for a day or two. It's not a very lengthy period of time, but it's a Friday night. And my mom is not there, so she's not living with us at the time. And he says, okay, guys, just don't destroy the place, right? There's food. There's money for pizza.

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Be good for one night. But I think he inherently understands that we're going to party. Yeah, of course. But we know this is coming for weeks, and we prepare for weeks. We tell all the trusted friends and neighbors and untrusted people. We tell everybody. We say, hey, come over, trip fest. That's what we called it. Trip fest.

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Presented by Jam Land Productions. Brian's shriveled up weenie. So my twin brother and I, and I don't know where my little brothers were at the time, but they weren't home. I don't know where they went. Maybe my parents were. Maybe my dad was smart enough to put them in a safe place.

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Yeah, he made arrangements. Maybe they went to Chicago. I don't know where they went. They weren't there. I know that much. But so it's Kevin and I. And Friday night comes and we have amassed a gold mine. of blotter acid and like a pound of weed. And I mean, not like regular weed, like at that time anyway, the diggity dank, the sticky icky. The kush.

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Which is really just like terrible Mexican schwag weed sprayed with some kind of chemical to get you extra high. But for us, at least in my circle of friends, there was no tripping without weed.

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They, of course, go hand in hand because you think in your tiny little 16-year-old pea brain that smoking weed is going to take the edge off any kind of bad trip you're having. Now, as an adult, I understand that you are really just adding gasoline to the fire. Right. I would never do that now. Never.

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I would never like, especially not with the weed they have now, I would never take a bunch of acid and then decide that I'm going to smoke a bunch of weed.

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Yeah, just on the weed. I've been there, done that. So TripFest is on. And TripFest actually became a thing. Like we had TripFest 2 and TripFest 3. You did? Yes, we did.

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I don't know if it was a yearly thing. It was whenever we could do it. Sometimes even my parents were home, but we'd get in. People would sneak in the basement door.

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When people would like fuck with you, they'd like, you know, trails, trails, trails, trails. And you'd be like, what? Huh? Yeah. Oh, it was the worst. Yeah. They'd wave the finger, turn off the lights and the glowing posters and the whole thing, you know, put on some trippy Pink Floyds with the wall.

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Yeah, it all is shits and giggles. Like, literally, shits and giggles. When you start off, you just get this... In case you haven't done it, like, LSD especially... Every, it's about 30 minutes in. If it's real LSD, it's about 30 minutes in and you start to feel like goosebumps. And then those goosebumps turn into this weird kind of like, I don't know, like almost like you're clenching your jaw.

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You're feeling the strychnine run up your back. Like it's a little weird. And then within an hour, you're fully immersed in whatever the trip is. And the trip is largely dependent on the kind of acid that you have, whether or not it's clean or dirty. And then number two, your frame of mind, who you're with, what you're doing. Yeah.

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And if you're active, if you're active, you know, I think it can kind of lend itself to a better experience because you're at least have purpose and you're doing something. If you're just sitting in your dad's basement smoking immense amounts of weed, nothing good could come of it. But now we have like there's like 12 people in this huge house and everybody is in the same frame of mind.

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It is mass chaos. And I can only imagine if we had cell phones back then, we would have been embarrassed by behavior as we're running up and down the basement stairs, yelling and screaming that certain things are happening when they're not happening. One guy's in the corner looking at the corner. Another person is crying. The third person is moaning upstairs.

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And, you know, people are watching the wall on TV. It was just like a lot of I just remember a lot of chaos. But also I'm tripping my balls off. So everything's very chaotic. So we go through this whole night of just craziness and I'm sure there's, and I know there is, there's multiple dosing. You know, you get two hours in and you're like, I can handle it. Let me take another one.

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Because I was never the kind of guy who just backed off. I needed to go a little further. I wanted to see how far I could take it.

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No. No, no, no, no. I've had enough. You didn't say that. My dad's not going to be home until Sunday. It's only Saturday at 6 a.m. I've got at least three more hits in me.

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No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, 10. Listen, we'll start curbing at about 3 p.m. Dad will be home in 12 hours. We've got to curb it at 3 p.m. So at some point in the night, some people kind of went away. I don't know. They drove home. They went away. Yeah, they went away safe and happy and feeling good. They drove themselves. Oh, my God. I know, but it is what it is. I don't know what to tell you.

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They're treating the patients in real time during that hour, and those patients can stay for multiple episodes, depending on what kind of case they have, or they can be in and out in an hour. So it's fascinating. It's fantastic. I fucking love it. It's on Max. You should watch. Everybody should be watching this. It is very much being talked about right now.

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It's already been picked up for a second season. Michael Crichton and his – Michael Crichton's estate had sued the pit because Noah Wiley was on ER. Oh. And then one of the writers and producers from ER also was a writer and a producer on this. So they're saying they stole the idea for ER. But I saw a couple episodes of ER. And I don't remember it being half as engaging as The Pit. Yeah.

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Also, I was in my 20s when the ER or 20s or 30s when ER came out. And maybe it just wasn't that stage in my life when I could like deal with a medical drama. I love this show. Watch it. But there's a point here. There's never a point to the commercial break, but there's a point here. I have, for a long time on this show, have wanted to find a way to wrap music into the show. But we are not...

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equipped to actually play music on the show.

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Yeah, we're big music fans. But the radio stations, you listen to radio or you listen to Howard Stern or someone on Sirius, and they can play all the music they want because they have ASCAP licenses. They're able to do so. Those things are terribly expensive. And I looked into it because I really wanted to play music on the show. And it's just not a possibility.

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It's too expensive for the amount of downloads. For all five downloads we have, it's like $70 million. But I'm going to take some chances here and there, and I'd like to share with you new music when I find it. Now, this music is not new, but this is a fantastic song. I'm going to give you the name of a band, and I'm going to let you listen to a song. That was the opening song to The Pit.

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Okay?

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It's the only place you can find music these days. Do you know what I'm saying? But they do do a great job. Because I think the... I think the cost of playing some of this music has come way down. And there are more licensees, like musicians, artists, people who own these rights, that are willing to put this music in shows for cheaper prices because they know it will lead to more streams.

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It does, yeah. And that's the name of the game. When I was a kid, you would have never heard a Beatles commercial, a Beatles song in a cereal commercial. Fucking Frosted Flakes and Let It Be? Really? But... That has all changed. The landscape of music has completely changed to the point where it's so impossible to make money selling albums that these people have to make money anywhere they can.

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They're willing to license these songs out. And I think they do it for a much more reasonable rate. And the people who are putting the music in these shows are really good at what they do. They find these little unknown artists and one commercial or television show can blow them up. Okay, ready? Opening to the pit, I'm going to say a name of an artist and I want to know if you have ever heard

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the name of this band. Robert Bradley's Blackwater Surprise.

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All right, here is the opening to The Pit.

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Honestly, I wish this had played the whole episode. I just want to listen. I've listened to this for 15 hours.

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It's tough.

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I have no idea what this has to do with medical drama, but it's so good. Yeah. It's so good. It draws you into the first episode. And there's like shots of Pittsburgh and riding over the river. How are you going to turn a television show off if it's got this at the beginning? Am I right? Yes. Am I right?

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You're right. You're right.

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So Robert Bradley, speaking of Love is Blind, Robert Bradley is a blind man. And the way that this band got started is the other members of the band wanted to start like a grunge band back in the 90s. They were like that grungy kind of thing, right?

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But they were really bad. They weren't doing so good.

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They were on 33p level.

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They were definitely not Chopper Johnson material. They were in a practice space, I think in New Orleans. They were in a practice rehearsal space and on a break or getting ready to practice or whatever, the lead guitarist Robert Bradley singing in another studio space. The window was open. He could hear him through the window. And then he came out later. He heard him through the window again.

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And then hours later, Robert Bradley still singing. And so he convinced him to come and sing for the band, sing with the music. And this is what came out of it. And some of the music that these guys put out is just fantastically soulful. And Robert's got that voice that I think only a blind man from New Orleans can have, honestly.

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If you think about it for two seconds, that's a million years worth of life experience in that voice. And it just got me. I'm convinced. I'll watch The Pit for at least one episode.

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And the funny thing is, there is not another drop of music in the entire series. That's it. One song, that's it. But whoever made that choice, whoever picked that song, whoever got Robert Bradley's shit, called the Robert Bradley whatevers and said, hey, can I use this song?

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100% right that that gets you through the first 15 seconds and then you're involved you're like okay and then the doctor walks into the ER and he starts his shift and you're like okay well I guess I'll just stay around for one hour oh man and it comes out every Thursday fuck you Hulu I mean not Hulu Max fuck you I just want to watch all 15 hours is that okay I would burn through that show I really would anyway Love is Blind The Pit I would suggest The Pit before Love is Blind but you know they're both medical dramas in some way shape or form

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All right, let's take a break. And I got to talk to you about something that is crazy. Something crazy has returned.

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I will blow your mind when we get back. Okay.

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Tina Tannen-Tweese is not responsible for lost or stolen items inside or outside the facilities or in your body cavity. Please be aware that TT&T is operating under a state carnival license and may not know exactly what they're doing. By entering TT&T, you agree that some of the chemicals and processes used may be harmful to your health.

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Okay, are you ready for some of the craziest news you will hear music-related, festival-related this year? I think so. Or maybe ever. Do we all remember freaking the way fuck out back in 2020 when some douche canoesel, some scam artist decided to put together something called Fyre Fest? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Fyre Fest.

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Best festival that never was. The best festival that never happened. On Pablo Escobar's private island with, you know, swimming pigs and bologna sandwiches and tents that weren't set up and artists that didn't show. And, you know, basically the total shit show that almost killed some people, honestly. Left them out in the middle of this island without infrastructure, water, food.

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And certainly no festivals, certainly no music. And this guy went to jail. He did. Because he raised a lot of money. And that money went where? No one really knows. It went to just trying to put together a festival that was clearly short of the mark, but short of any mark like this.

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This wasn't worthy of a dive bar, let alone an actual festival on a private island where people paid tens of thousands of dollars to get pampered for an entire five days. They didn't even get a pot to piss in. And lots of people were pissed and lots of people were stuck and lots of people were put in really tough situations, bad situations by this one guy.

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Now, let me tell you how this has to do with the commercial break. Hmm. About three years ago, I get an email.

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We're our own Fyre Fest. And like mauls to a flame, shitheads beget shitheads. Because about three years ago, I started getting communication from a guy who claimed to be one of the new executive producers for Fyre Fest 2.

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Any person or persons who receive services at TT&T may be subject to surveillance by state authorities. Tina of Tina Tannen-Tweese may not leave the premises for any reason due to a legal arrangement with state police.

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They did bring it back. It is back. I mean, that's what they say, right? Yeah. Let me give you the skinny on this. They have not announced one artist, because I'm sure no artist would attach themselves to this. Right. Who would attach themselves to this?

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I don't know.

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I don't know either. But I can't imagine it's going to be anybody worth seeing. I'm sure that there is somebody out there who, if they get the money, they will go do it. Because it's hard to make money in music. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So maybe they'll decide to do it. Okay. Okay. So three years ago, I start getting communication from a guy who will remain nameless.

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And he starts telling me that he would like to put this guy who had just gotten out of jail on our show. Oh, yeah. Could he come on our show? Do you remember this? I do remember you saying that. Okay. Mm-hmm. And we communicate for a long time about this. We go back and forth.

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I'm trying to make a decision about whether or not this makes sense for the show, whether or not we want to even get involved.

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This was after he got out of jail.

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Remember, he only spent like a year in jail. Fire-faced. Hold on one second. I want to make sure that I get some of these facts right. Okay. So this guy communicates with me for about a month. And he says, they're going to put together a prep show for Fyre Fest 2 at a secret location somewhere in New York.

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And if you allow Billy to come on your podcast, Billy McFarland, the guy who actually created this, the guy who went to jail, if you allow him to come on your podcast, then I can get you one ticket to... to this, like, Fyre Fest 2 prep concert, whatever. He was trying to put together, like, a satellite show or something, right? Okay. They were gonna make this big deal.

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I don't think that ever happened. You could get a ticket to that. I will get you one ticket to that at face value. So, Billy was gonna come on the show, make an announcement about Fyre Fuck Fest, or whatever it was, too. Fyre Scam Fest 2. And then I was gonna have the privilege of paying Billy... To go to his show. Thousands of dollars to go to his show. But then I couldn't say anything bad.

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I could ask questions, but I couldn't shit on Fyre Fest, whatever. It became this long, complicated conversation where clearly this guy was trying to get money out of me. He was trying to get me to pay him to have Billy on the show. Now... You're probably saying to yourself, Brian, do you even think Billy was involved in any of these conversations?

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Or is this just some guy who decided, you know, I found a sucker, essentially. Well, I had been CC'd on multiple emails with Billy, and Billy responded on at least one occasion. And while I don't know Billy's specific email address for sure, 100%, sure seemed like it was Billy's email address. Let's just put it that way, right? So Billy was trying to get money out of podcasters like me.

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I assume this, I'm not the only one. To then go and put his little shit fest together. And he hadn't even paid back the people who got fucked over the first time. That's right. He's trying to make money.

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And as a matter of fact, I think our good friend Andrew Callahan, if I'm not mistaken, all gas, no brakes, found Billy McFarland and found out that he was acting as a ticket broker for prestigious concerts and events. And he was making trying to make thousands or tens of thousands of dollars reselling concert tickets after he got out of jail.

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And they actually almost sent him back to jail because he wasn't allowed to do that. whatever it was. This guy is trouble. I mean, I get it. Second chances. I agree with it. I've had plenty of second chances in life myself. This, and I'm sure I'll have a few more before I'm dead. This, the commercial break has had 30 second chances in its life. We are the little podcast that couldn't.

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But I'm going to tell you right now, don't give your money to these people because you will end up being disappointed. $1.1 million. Give the commercial break $1.1 million and we will turn off the RSS feed and the commercial break. You can put whatever name you want on it. Chrissy and I will do an episode every day for the next five years. Just to you. That's it.

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But this guy, Billy, is notoriously dumb at what he does. And if you pay for Fyre Fest 2, you are just as dumb. Don't give this guy your money. Don't do that. Because he is going to disappoint you. There will be no Fyre Fest 2 in the way in which he envisions it or tries to sell it to you. He's a good salesperson. He doesn't follow through on what he says he's going to do. Time after time...

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and he's always trying to build people out of money that's clearly billy's game you want to take a guess at how much these tickets are sure how about two thousand dollars for one fire fest general access pass it is fourteen hundred dollars what does that get you you might ask chrissy

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I can't even get through this website because it's some complicated, you know, slick website. I think there is also a level of tickets where you need to fill out an application. Fill out an application. Fill out an application.

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Yeah, very exclusive indeed. Okay. For this, you will get access includes access to the festival grounds on Isla Mujeres. At the water stage, transportation will be provided from our preferred hotel locations. The Fire Ignite package grants four-day access to the Fire Fest, May 30th through June 2nd. Doesn't it seem like there's not a lot of time to be selling those tickets? No, there's not.

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Yeah, this is going to be a shit show, no doubt about it. You have to get your own travel. You have to get your own accommodations. But then there's another level of tickets, Chrissy, which I think is probably more suited to us. If we're going to go to Fyre Fest, this is what we're going to do. We're going to do the Fuego VIP experience. Oh, yes, Fuego.

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We're going to do the Fuego experience, and what's that going to include? Let's see here. That is going to include access to Isla Mujeres. We're going to get to explore, embrace the unknown, and defy impossible alongside some of the most fascinating people in the world. Oh, my God. I don't know what this gets you besides that. Really?

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Now, to be fair, this does include private travel. So you can, this website, by the way, Billy, is terrible. It's terrible. Who uses Flash anymore? Honestly. Oh, God. You're using Flash, dude. Stop it. Make a website that doesn't take up all the resources on your computer. Okay. Fire Phoenix package grants four-day Phoenix access to the Fire Festival. Okay. And that's all it says. What?

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Clearly this can't be true. You don't get anything else but that?

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Yeah. Fuck that. I'm not going to do that. You don't even know who the artists are. Oh, Phoenix passes include complimentary luxury accommodations for two in the fire artist areas at the five-star Impressions Isla Mujeres or the five-star Almerari Isla Mujeres for three nights.

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That's what you get for $1.1 million. And I think that's a much better deal than staying on a yacht for four days in a festival that no one's going to play at. You know what I'm saying? Is it going to be 33p acoustically? Who's going to play there?

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One king or two doubles, private ground transportation to and from the Cancun airport or the fire ferry, and the fire concierge will reach out to the Phoenix pass holders to assist with travel and accommodations. Okay, so you get your travel. Commercial flights are ready. Oh, you don't even get travel on this one. It says commercial flights are readily available in and out of the Cancun airport.

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Fuck you. Fuck you. So that's all I get?

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Oh, now added the Prometheus package. For $1.1 million. Yes. Prometheus guests will live like the gods of fire. Prometheus pass holders have their accommodations provided by fire, and they will have the option of a four-stateroom yacht or a luxurious four-bedroom villa with immediate proximity and access to playa fire and festival grounds for three nights from Friday to Monday.

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The fire concierge will reach out to you to coordinate your ultimate stay. You will also be flown in and out on a private plane. I mean, there's a sucker born every minute. I know that there's a sucker born every minute. I get it. And I also get that there are going to be some people on this earth who just can't pass it up.

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In the year of Doji and Dogecoin and Haktua, you know, TuaCoin and all this other stuff, there are some people who have money who probably should have never had money. And they're willing to spend it just to be involved in something notorious like this. So I do have a feeling that Billy will sell tickets to this, even though he has announced no artist. No one knows who's going to be there.

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And you're going to pay someone $1.1 million to take a private plane down to Cancun and stay only four nights on a four-stateroom yacht? I promise you.

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Here's my credit card.

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Run your Amex to Billy's personal Zelle. That's right. I mean, honestly, guys, for $1.1 million, you could rent a four-stateroom yacht in Cancun. You could fly privately, probably for $50,000. A nice plane for $50,000 down to Cancun. Atlanta to Cancun and back, a really nice plane, like a 12-seater, like the kind you see in... Rap videos. You know what I'm saying? You get down there.

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You can probably rent a yacht for 20 days fully staffed and go anywhere you want to in that Yucatan Peninsula and come home with $500,000 in your pocket. I promise you it does not cost $1.1 million to rent a yacht for four nights and be at a festival with Where no one's playing. There's no one announced. Why would you do that? I don't know, Billy.

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I'm sure that somebody likes him, but I'm going to tell you right now, don't give your money to these people because you will end up being disappointed. $1.1 million. Give the commercial break $1.1 million, and we will turn off the RSS feed and the commercial break. You can put whatever name you want on it, and Chrissy and I will do an episode every day for the next five years. Just to you.

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2.30 in the morning!

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That's it. That's what you get for $1.1 million. And I think that's a much better deal than staying on a yacht for four days in a festival that no one's going to play at. You know what I'm saying? Is it going to be 33p acoustically?

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. I was going to say you're the Mads to my Dave.

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I can't believe someone's letting him do this. I mean, I guess, you know, who's going to stop you from doing it, but I can't believe the people down in Mexico haven't seen the movies. They're not like, ah, you know, we should get a deposit. We should get a deposit.

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Surely they have.

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Yes. And I think that Billy is probably hedging his bet. He's waiting for people to buy tickets so that then he can pay artists to get down there. That's why he hasn't announced anybody because what festival in the world is start selling tickets in artists.

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I know that there's, like, Bonnaroo's been going on for thousands of years, and it'll probably be the last thing remaining when the fucking, you know, asteroid comes down to Earth. We'll probably all be at Bonnaroo. And so they sell tickets year-round even before they announce, but they have a track record of treating you right. They have a track record of doing this.

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They have a track record of being successful at getting really fucking good artists year after year, time after time. Billie has zero track record of anybody even showing up to play on a stage. Ha! Why would you trust that he's going to give you the best experience ever? What is the experience? Being in a hotel in Mexico for $25,000? Fuck you. Fuck you. I don't believe it. I don't take it.

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Can you believe this?

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That being said, I am going to email this guy that I was talking to a couple of years ago and see if we can get a couple of tickets to go down there. Yeah. Because it was going to turn into a shit show. I want to be there. Right. So we can document it all here on the commercial break.

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Oh, yeah. Oh, you know there's going to be. Yeah. There's probably media requests out the ass. And after this rant, I'm sure we won't be invited. But we'll try nonetheless. Okay. We'll take a break. And we'll be back.

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But, you know, I don't know how many people will get that, how many people will pick up on that. Will you pick up on it?

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Okay, so I wanted to follow up on a conversation that we had a couple of days ago about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

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The band is not Maña, it's Mana. And they are a very famous Mexican rock and roll band.

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Nice. Astrid saw them when she was a kid, and she really loved them. And so I got myself educated about them and their music. They're older. They're like the bad company. They're like the Zeppelin. They're older. They're loved. They've got billions of streams on Spotify, so clearly they're very popular. And they are... in this year's Rock and Roll nomination class.

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The Mads to my day.

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And that means that the Academy, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Academy, or voting class, is currently voting on who should get in. And I think they elect five every year, if I'm, induct five every year, if I'm not mistaken. And then you can vote. We, the public, can vote. Also, you can vote up to seven times.

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Like Madison.

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Yeah, you can vote up to seven times. It might even be seven times per day. Go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame website. and vote. But I think there's like a couple thousand members that vote, I believe. And our vote only counts for one of those votes. So it's almost a joke at the end of the day, right? I get why they're doing it, but you don't have any real effect on what happens.

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But I thought that I would get an update on where we stand with the voting. With just a couple of days left to vote, I thought we should get in the game here, right? Okay. Currently, Phish are in the lead. After just a couple weeks of voting, 101,000 fans have voted as one of the 14 nominating classes, one of the 14 nominees for the class of 2025.

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This is the first time that the group has been nominated. Billy Idol is in second place. There are so many people on this earth that aren't well. Billy Idol? Of all the people, Billy Idol? Honestly? Yeah. But maybe then you think about who the people are who would go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame website and vote just like I did. I voted for OutKast, by the way.

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Those who know, I-K-N-Y-K-D-Y.

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Soundgarden is in third place with 57,000 votes, followed by Cyndi Lauper, Bad Company, Joe Cocker, Chubby Checker, so far down the list. That's a joke. The Black Crows lead the back half of the list. With 39,000. Mariah Carey, 36,000. Outkast is 35,000. Oasis is 32,000. Joy Division is 31,000. While the White Stripes are at 31,000. Really? I'm surprised. And Mana comes in with just 12,000.

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I am not. I am only three episodes in, but I unfortunately saw a reel that indicated what I'm headed into. So here we go. Love is blind. Okay. Don't tell me everything, but love is blind up to episode four. Spoiler alert. Turn off the first segment because we're going to talk about it. Love is Blind is back. Because it seems like it's back every two months now. It is.

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Okay, so there's 1,200 people who vote. And ours counts as one vote. That's kind of a joke. They should make it one artist. Allow the public to vote first. Whoever wins is inducted. And then the other people, the other 1,500 people, 1,200 people who vote on it, then they get to vote the other four. That feels like it would make – then it would be meaningful to me.

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And I think you get a lot more people to vote on it if that was the case. Because I'm tallying all of that up. If you can vote seven times, maybe seven times in a day, and there's only like 500,000 or 600,000 votes that have been cast, that's not like a huge amount of votes that are being cast. But if they said, okay, now you're going to induct one of the five –

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then I would be much more involved in it. Yeah, I'd actually want to go and vote. I agree that Fish should be inducted. It's their first class inductees if they do get inducted. I don't agree with the rest of the way that this is going down. Chrissy and I told you guys this. Fish, Joe Cocker, Chubby Checker,

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White Stripes, Outkast. Those are the people who absolutely need to be in. Soundgarden will come around again. They will be in. Don't worry about it.

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Bad Motor Finger? Yeah, it was good. Oh, man, is it good. Oh, man, is it good. Life-changing, actually. Just the way that it's put together.

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Oh, I didn't drive until I was 18. I didn't have a license until I was 18 years old.

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I drove across the country with other people. No, I wasn't driving with other people driving. Yeah. But man was I mean, that was like a transformative album. I just absolutely loved it. So, yeah, Soundgarden will get in and I agree that they deserve to get in. But Joe Cocker has had to. This has got to be his 30th time being nominated. I mean, for God's sakes.

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How many times are we going to nominate Joe Cocker before he gets in or Chubby Checker even? He was around in the 50s. This has got to be his 30th year being nominated. Chubby fucking Checker.

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Or was that Little Richard?

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What did Little Richard do?

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Yeah.

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I'm telling you why I did not like Tutti Frutti. It's because when I was in the band playing my sexy phone, full of saliva and spit flying everywhere, when I was playing my sexy phone... I had to play Tutti Frutti was one of the songs that we played at the football games. You did? Yes. How did that go?

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Yeah. Yes. And that 150 times over and over and over again while they set up the next play. Whatever they do in football. That's why Brian did his best to avoid Friday nights at the stadium in high school. Yeah, I was sick. I wasn't there. I was in disguise. I would not show up to the band, but I would show up to the game and not go in the stadium so I couldn't be seen by my band director.

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They're constantly doing one. And they're about a year behind on production. So what you're seeing now is filmed about a year ago. And I see why they do this is so that when they get together for the recap, the live reunion, they actually have some meat and potatoes to talk about. Some time has gone out. People who are married are either married or not. People who have been together.

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I mean, I did everything I could to get out of those. Not because I was embarrassed to be in the band. It was neither here nor there. I wasn't particularly a popular kid in school anyway. You just wanted to have fun. I just wanted to have fun. I didn't want my Friday nights taken by...

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Have sex? I don't know. I thought there were going to be hot band chicks playing the flute, and I was going to get... I was going to get in their first chair, if you know what I mean. I thought I was going to wet their reed. Do you know what I'm saying? You did it for the looks. I had to take an elective. My parents encouraged us to do things outside of school, like any parents do.

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You try and be a well-rounded person. I loved music. There was no doubt about that. I had a passion for it. I was playing that loud guitar horribly at home for hours on end. And I think that I just wanted to direct that energy somewhere, and the band seemed like the natural place to do that. At least I got to play the instrument.

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But I didn't want to fully commit to everything the band had to do. Like, I liked to go to Busch Gardens every year for the band stuff, for the band, you know, the band camp, or whatever it was, the band challenge, or whatever it was, you know, that cost my dad $10,000 so I could go and smoke cigarettes and avoid any responsibilities with the band for five days. I liked that kind of stuff.

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But the Friday nights at football, years in a row, it was kind of a little much for me. I actually wanted to see what the other kids were doing when I was sitting there.

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I swear to God. I swear to God. I do remember a specific night. And my band director would get on my ass. His name was Mr. Poole. And he was really a lovely guy. And he was just trying to guide a very...

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wild child into some kind of responsibility and he could be tough right uh i think he was a man of a certain flavor if you know what i mean i think he i think he was uh you know i think he liked other men that's what that's what i think and so he was very effeminate

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in his movements his actions and his voice but you could he you were just as scared of him as you were of the senior varsity football coach because when he meant business he meant business yeah and he got he could get an ornery real quick and it kind of scared me a little bit And so he would always like jerk a nod in my chain. He called me into the office. Where were you on Friday night?

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And I'd be like, I was Mr. Poole. I really was not. This is the third Friday night. You are not feeling good. So the next Friday night that you're not feeling good, you're going to be leading scales in the class for the next two weeks. And I didn't know my scales. So I didn't want to lead scales. No one wanted to lead scales. So I was like, oh, shit.

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And then so I remember one night I was stoned out of my brain. It was Friday night. The game started at 730. It was like 630, 645. And I knew I had to go there, but I was too stoned to do it. Like I was just too stoned. And all my friends were going to the game. So what did I do? I never wore a baseball cap. I still don't. Very rarely I wear a baseball cap. I put on a baseball cap.

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It just gives them some breathing room. Plus, it probably takes a long time to cut and edit those shows. Yeah.

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I put on some baggy clothes, and I went in, and I stood in the back. I had no fun whatsoever. I was paranoid. I can't imagine. And one of the girls in the band recognized me, and she was like, shouldn't you grab your saxophone? And I was like, huh?

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I didn't bring it.

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Huh? No, I don't think I understood what she said. She was like, I was like, huh? And I just, I ran. I ran out of the place. I was like, I was too scared. And she kept my secret. Thank you very much for keeping my secret. Oh, sweet of her. Yeah, it was.

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But I'd say if there were like, you know, 10 home football, 7, 8, 10 home football games a year, Mr. Poole was lucky if Brian showed up to two of them. Two of them. But I'll tell you what I did show up to. I always showed up to the... graduation ceremonies, which were at the Atlanta Symphony Hall in these huge symphony hall. Huge, right?

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Yeah.

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And we would have to sit on stage and play that fucking song, the March of the whatever, you know. We would have to play that while every single graduating student came up and got their degree. And even though the school was much smaller, like two hours, it was like, you know.

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Yeah, that's a lot of footage.

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Into a storyline that makes sense. And they do storyboard these out, make no bones about it. They flip flop, you know, they might take something that happened on day three and make it look like it happened on day two to further the storyline. You get it. It's editing of a reality show. It's not all straightforward. They have to make it interesting.

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But I liked it because it gave me and my first chair friend a chance to go downtown, smoke cigarettes around the building, and fuck off for a couple of hours. And kids, that's really what's important in high school. Smoking cigarettes and fucking off for hours. Believe me. More good advice from Uncle Brian.

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Oh, man. The good old days. Honestly, I pine for that.

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I don't. No, I don't, really. But, I mean, I didn't realize how good it was back then to have a home that was paid for, electricity that came on no matter who paid the bill. You know, I didn't have to worry about working.

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Uh-uh.

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You know, work was essentially just for fun money. You know, smoking cigarettes wasn't going to kill you. They didn't know that back then. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Just like... I tell my kids all the time, don't try and grow up. Don't try and grow up. It's okay. Just enjoy it. Like, don't worry about the next thing. Don't worry about, you know, what mommy and daddy are talking about.

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Don't try and grow up.

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Enjoy. Yeah, turn the lights off and go to fuck to bed. Stop throwing up on my shoulder.

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Yeah.

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Listen, you know, you get to a certain point in life and you realize just how good you had it back in the day. Yeah. But I digress. The truth is, kids, I should have followed through on my responsibilities and shown up and played on Friday Night Football because that would have been the right thing to do. But then I wouldn't be the same lazy, mediocre comedy podcaster I am today.

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That's right. Canceling recordings every fifth day. I don't want to do it today. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. That's where you can leave us text messages, questions, comments, concerns, contents, ideas. We'd love to hear from you. We will respond. Or you can leave a voicemail, and maybe you'll hear your voice on the next episode of the commercial break. How's that? How's that for a deal?

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That's good. You don't have to sit that one out. Go. Leave us a voicemail. I'll cut it up in weird ways and make you sound strange. At the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok. And do us a favor. Go watch our show after you finish listening to our show. YouTube.com slash the commercial break. For all the episodes, the same day they air here on the audio. They air here.

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They air here. They air here. on the audio feed, and tcbpodcast.com. All the audio, all the video, and your free TCB swag. Give us your address. We'll send you some. No muss, no fuss. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today. I think so. I'll tell you that I love you. I love you.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye. Goodbye.

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I got to say, slow start on Love is Blind season number 12 or whatever, Ron. Slow start.

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All right, put them up.

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They do, well, there's three full episodes. Now, I believe four full episodes. It goes into like, they're still in the pods. I'm in like six. Oh, really? Yeah. They're still in the pods at six? Mm-hmm. I thought that was long. Yeah, that's a little unusual. Yeah. I think two seasons ago, they had like two episodes in the pods. Right. And then they were right at the honeymoon. Yes, exactly.

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I like that. Plus, I like my people a little crazier than they are this season. However, there is one X factor that everybody is talking about who's watching Love is Blind. Her name is Mads or Madison. She is a smoke show. Smoke show. And when I mean a smoke show, I mean the type of woman who eats men for breakfast and spits them out before brushing her teeth. At noon.

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This girl is trouble with a capital T. Been there, done that. I literally have dated women with the exact same personality. Now, Astrid and I are watching because this is a couple's watch. There's not a lot of stuff that we have as a couple's watch because Astrid doesn't like me watching TV with her anymore. But she'd prefer I be in the studio than anywhere else. But this is a couple's watch.

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So we got excited. Love is Blind, you know, it happened to come out on Valentine's Day. So we sat, we watched. But it was so slow. The first episode or two were so slow. We only got through one episode a night. Whereas last season or the season before, we were getting through two or three, maybe four episodes in a night. New episodes would drop and we'd burn through them. Mm-hmm.

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So I wasn't super hyped about this season after the first episode, but smartly, the producers started focusing in on a girl named Madison. Nassar and I are watching this. Madison's having these dates, and she's kind of whittling it down to two or three guys. But every guy that she is talking to, she is trauma dumping all of the things that have happened to her.

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When a guy says something, she will say, let me give you an example. Well, my mom was a drug addict, and so I had to raise myself and make hard choices. Mm-hmm. Fast forward to a couple scenes later, she's with a different guy. Well, I grew up in a very strict church. And I thought to myself, you grew up in a very strict church with a drug addict mother? Like, something didn't add up to me.

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And every time they showed Madison, she had yet another trauma, another drama, another... And listen, I'm not diminishing trauma. If she did have a drug addict mother and had to grow up and raise herself... I kind of raised myself too. Like that's a very traumatic thing to go through.

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And as an adult, if you haven't kind of sat down and reasoned with that part of your life, then it's a very difficult thing to move past for sure. And so, but she kept saying, I'm past it. I've done it. I'm self-aware. But then every time something came up, she had to bring up the trauma again, every time, every conversation. Another example,

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I don't want to talk about sex right now because I grew up in such a strict church. I'm very... Oh, yeah. I'm very... I remember her saying that. I'm reserved. And I was made to feel like sex is shameful and that women weren't supposed to have sex unless it was for the purpose of making babies. Very next scene, she's like half naked, twerking, basically...

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mutually masturbating with another guy in the pod. Yeah. Which was very, and I know the producers did this on purpose to kind of like, you know, give this, hey, she's saying this, but she's doing that, saying this with this guy, doing that with that guy. What's up? So they're also honing in on this and they're doing it slowly and pretty connivingly, but you can pick up on it very early.

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So if you haven't watched it, I'm giving it to you. I'm not giving away anything, but Madison is trouble with a capital T. And one of these guys is on to her. One of these guys is so... Self-aware, and I think emotionally intelligent, that when Madison is saying these things, he is not, like, rolling over like a puppy dog for her sexy voice. Now, he has no idea what she looks like.

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I don't think, anyway. He has no idea what she looks like, but just the way she talks can kind of twist you into a knot. I'm sure a lot of these guys are just drooling listening to her voice and her talk in this sultry, sexy way. Well, one of the guys...

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he's seeing past it and he's like yeah I don't know he asks what's your attachment style and she says dismissiveness whenever something happens that I don't like I tend to run away from it right and he says yeah I don't think I like that I don't think that's something I could handle he's being honest with her where the other guys are like Madison Madison well wait till you see let's take it a little further in oh really well I saw the reel this morning and I understand what what did it say

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Did she kind of like blew up the whole thing for another girl altogether?

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Okay, well, drop the bomb. Drop the bomb. Really? Yeah. Love is blind. Love is blind. Spoiler alert. We're talking about it. By the time this comes out, everybody will have already seen it.

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This is the guy who I was talking about. I like that guy. I like that guy, too, because he was honest with himself. He's like, I think something's off here, and I'm not going to just— He doesn't do the engagement. Wow.

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Okay.

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Very interesting. Good for you. I think that guy's name is Dave. Good for you. Dave or Sean, one of the two. Good for you, Dave. Good for you. I'm so proud of you, Dave. Yeah. I'm so proud of you. Because he's really smitten. Yeah, of course. And if he saw what she looked like, he's probably going to kick himself in the fucking nuts. Yeah. Yeah, she was a model. She's an artist.

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She's an international woman of mystery. I mean, every time someone talks to her, she did something different. She's doing something different. I don't know. She seems like a bit of a chameleon to me, like an emotional chameleon. And listen, I'm not pointing out Madison to say that, you know, don't take this as, oh, Brian just thinks all girls are crazy. No, I don't.

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I just recognize the crazy.

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Having lived with it, dated it, been there, done that. And maybe we all have had some similar experience with someone that just is an emotional chameleon. They gaslight you. They tell you whatever you want to hear. They give you love. They pull it away. This is Madison. This is what she's doing. And you can see it even through the editing of the show.

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If you've ever been in one of these relationships, guy or girl, then you feel it. You're like, oh, this seems a little too familiar to me. And even though Madison is a total bomb of a physical woman, It's just so much – there's so much drama behind those eyes that it's like run as fast as you can.

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Yeah, well, this guy did.

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Yeah, he's going to kick himself in the nuts when he finds her Instagram. When he finds her Instagram bikini pictures, he's going to fucking flip out. I haven't even looked at her for her – I get a little – Like, I don't want to, like, ruin it for myself. Right.

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That's why I'm trying to look ahead.

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And I know that they're not supposed to post and, you know, but you can, like, tell little things if you check out their Instagram. They make rather benign Instagram posts until the episode reveals whatever the episode reveals. But, yeah. But then the rest of the stories are like, eh.

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Oh, really? Okay. All right. Well, don't tell me that, because we so far have seen one engagement, and it looks like something that actually could be promising.

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Yeah. Is that the one where we're seeing cracks? No. Okay, good. All right, because I like those, too.

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Oh, it's when they see each other? It's another couple that when they see each other.

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Love is not blind, guys. Love is not blind unless you're actually blind. Do you know what I'm saying? That's it. It's just the truth. We use all of our senses to eat. We use all of our senses to fall in love with all of our available senses. Let's put it that way. But love is not blind unless you're actually blind. That's the truth. It can't be.

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There's no way you can't look at someone you're not attracted to and go, I want to fall in love with that person. It's really hard to do that. I mean, it is. So many people have tried with me and it just didn't work out with anybody except for Astrid. And I want to get her eyesight checked. You won the prize with her. I did win the prize. I married up for sure. All right.

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While we're on television shows, which we tend to talk about once a week, but while we're on television shows, I wanted to let you know. I am watching, I think, probably one of the best television shows I have seen in a long time. And let me preface this by saying I am not a medical drama kind of guy. ER. What was the other one? Grey's Anatomy. You can name the endless amounts of medical dramas.

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that there have been on television, St. Elsewhere, all the medical dramas that have been on television and caused quite the ruckus, quite the stir. I have just never been convinced they're interesting enough to watch for any period of time. I'm not into it. It's not for me. I'm sorry. It's just like a... It's like...

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I don't know, like bad romance drama wrapped in with some medical bullshit and there's always some mystery that someone's uncovering and some medical miracles happened out of nowhere. It's all a little too fluffy and bullshitty for Brian, okay? I like Seven Little Johnstons. That's where good television lives. However...

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Ah, you got the pit. You're on the pit.

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I am on the pit. And the pit is so fantastic. And that Noah Wiley, who's on that show, executive producer, co-writer, and the lead in that show plays like the pit is a teaching hospital in Pittsburgh. They call it the pit because he works in the emergency room that is filled with people and they don't have enough time. They don't have enough money and they don't have all these other reasons.

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It's just like a real live emergency room. It is so incredibly real. Down to the props that they use for the medical procedures, the words that they're saying. They're using words that clearly only surgeons or doctors or medical professionals would even know.

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You are a fly on the wall.

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Yeah, on a real emergency room. Not one where they're fluffing up the language for the viewers to kind of homogenize it for everyday viewers. This is like they're saying the real words. And then in between, the storylines slowly unfold. And the storylines are interesting enough to keep you engaged. The acting is fantastic. It's quick-paced. They're taking care of a new patient, you know.

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And, by the way, I love how this is done. It's 15-hour shift. at the pit, 15 episodes an hour each show. So you're actually following them minute by minute during the show. So it's not like there's big jumps in time forward or backwards. I mean, there are some flashbacks so you can get some of the story. But basically, when it's 9 a.m., you're following them from 9 a.m. to 10 a.m. And you're...

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This episode is sponsored by our new favorite partner, Dollar Shave Club. I could not be more thrilled that one of my favorite brands has joined the commercial break as a sponsor, Dollar Shave Club. Been a customer for a very long time, one very happy customer indeed. It's no surprise that facial hair is personal. It grows on our face.

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My hands get sweaty. My heart starts to race.

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Thank you, Poppy.

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Thanks to Dollar Shave Club for being a sponsor of the commercial break. This episode is sponsored in part by Jumba Casino. Why wait for fun when Jumba Casino is just a click away? Play anytime, anywhere with hundreds of thrilling online social casino games like bingo, slots, and solitaire. It's free to play with no purchase necessary and new games drop every week to keep the excitement fresh.

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You know, this show is largely about me being vulnerable to the rest of it.

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I'll come in all charged up about something, you know, whatever the news of the day is, because I've been doomscrolling for days in a row because it's what we do here. So I just feel it's part of my job to kind of look.

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This episode is sponsored in part by ShipStation. Well, if you've been listening to the commercial break over the holidays, then you know that Chrissy, Christina, and I have been hard at work knocking out 25 episodes in one single month. So we understand just how chaotic a business can be.

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And I'll see you next time. stuck around with ShipStation. Now it's your turn. Calm the chaos of order fulfillment with the shipping software that delivers. Switch to ShipStation today. Go to ShipStation.com and use the code commercial to sign up for your free trial. That's ShipStation.com code commercial. Thanks to ShipStation for being a sponsor of the commercial break.

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There are no monthly maintenance fees, and they offer fee-free overdraft of up to $200 through SpotMe. Plus, you can even get paid up to two days early with direct deposit. And here's what stands out for me. SpotMe. Picture this. You're running low on cash, but an unexpected expense pops up. Instead of stressing out, Chime spots you up to $200 with no fees.

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Then your next deposit takes care of it. Chime will even let you share financial boosts with friends to increase each other's spot me limits. It's like having a financial community right in your pocket. Make progress toward a better financial future with Chime. Open your account in just two minutes at Chime.com slash commercial. That's Chime.com slash commercial.

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And thanks to Chime Checking for being a sponsor of the commercial break.

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A lot of times Chrissy is like, I'm so jealous of how blissfully unaware she is. I'm like, did you hear about Chicken Fry and Zach Bryan? And she's like, nope.

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Do you know about Chicken Fry and Zach Bryan?

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Do you know about this whole situation?

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No, you're thinking of, just like we did, Zach Brown sang the song. Chicken Fried.

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That's Zach Brown. That's Zach Brown. Zach Brian is a different guy who I continue to mess up with Zach Brown. And he dated this girl, Chicken Fry. I'm not going to get into the whole story. You can read about it. I will on Instagram. I'll send you an article. See, she didn't know about it either. That's right.

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I do know about Nate the Hoof Guy. I would actually like to watch that. I am constantly in that fucking thing.

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You could watch that? Yeah. I could watch that.

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At a conference, I met the girl.

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I don't want to know you two. You're no longer invited to my bunker.

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Fair enough. No, yeah, that's true. You never invited me to your bunker, so I guess I'm in my own bunker without pimple popping.

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That's right. I'm still feeling hurt. I'm still feeling hurt.

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I feel like two vibe peoples are just going to try and out-vibe each other, and then we'll just hate each other within months.

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Look at her dressing like a Chad wife, trying to get a little attention.

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That's so beautiful. Go to YouTube and check out the video. But you look beautiful. I mean, there's no doubt about it. That's very nice. Thank you. You showed up looking lovely.

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Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to yet a regular episode of The Commercial Break. I'm missing my co-host because I believe she will never return after the 26 days of TCB. But in the low light of the post-Christmas glow, we must forge on, my friends. We must forge on. You didn't ask for it, but I don't care. Gonna put out an episode on this Thursday anyway.

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something i want to leave you with you know i was at a conference one time and i met a girl a young lady who worked for uh the tlc network for discovery or hbo max whatever the fuck they're calling it these days and what is it called i don't want to talk shit because you might actually have a future with the company streamer where i will never but um so i met her and we were talking lovely person and then i said so uh what are you working on and she goes oh you know the show pimple popper and i was like i had the same reaction i just had there i'm a doctor

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I go, Dr. Pimple Popper. There's a show on TLC called Dr. Pimple Popper. Oh, yeah. I know her.

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Okay. So I say, it's a fucking disgusting show. I can't believe that's on air. What is anybody thinking? Oh, my God. She's like, I'm the executive producer. I brought it to air. I was like, Well, in open mouth, insert foot. I go, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. She goes, this is what she said. And I'm not going to name her name.

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And there's a couple of executive producers, but she goes, I hate it too. She goes, I actually think it's disgusting, but I love the doctor. She's a great personality. And that's why we put it on there is because we knew the personality was going to sell the show. Yeah, she does. I've seen a few seconds. Okay.

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I know, I really am.

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I do know something about myself. I'm the problem here. No matter what the relationship is, I'm the problem. As a matter of fact, that's what I said to my wife when I asked her to marry me. I said, I'm just going to let you know, I'm the problem. I am the problem.

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I have to tell you this. I've got to talk to you about one thing. You said in an interview, and I don't know where I saw this, but a couple days ago, I saw that you shared that you would not want to go to space. You would never go to space. It's not a thing that you're interested in.

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I am so with you. You are on my team and you are invited to my bunker. If you choose to leave Chrissy's bunker and come over to my bunker, you're welcome to come to my bunker because one way we will not get out of the bunker is being ejected into space. I have no interest in this.

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Oh, you wear a weight blanket with heat? Yeah.

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And while I sit here recording on actual Christmas Day, I know tomorrow I will be full of blaze in the post-holiday depression that's sure to overtake us all. So while the ladies take some well-deserved time off,

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Now we're talking about this the other day. We're like, it just seems terribly bored. Like the space travel available to regular human beings that are not trained astronauts right now. And even the ones that are trained seems terribly boring and awful technical and not interesting. Like you go up, you come down. It's there's, it's very minimalist.

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There's nothing there to entertain you or make you in the couch. You can sit on it.

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I am with you. When I think of space travel, if and when, when I think of space travel, like Chrissy and I were talking about, I think of like a big ship, like a cruise ship, like an icon of the seas out in space where I can go to three different coffee shops and 12 different bars and then I can go on a wave pool if I choose to. That's the kind of space travel I'm looking forward to. Yeah.

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And when that happens, probably not in my lifetime, when that happens, I might, might consider it. But space scares the shit out of me.

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That's true. Like, RSVP, no. For sure. Hey, you have been in some iconic television shows. I do have to say.

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Well, you took a wonderful turn.

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Better Call Saul. iCarly. Yes! You want me to go on? And I'm not even looking at any notes.

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What's that?

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I watched every episode three times, and yours I watched four.

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Twice, yeah. Wow. I loved the Breaking Bad Better Call Saul saga. I just really did. And in some ways, I thought Better Call Saul was just a little bit better than Breaking Bad. No knock on Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul. They did a great job. But there is something about the storyline in Better Call Saul that I felt was just a little bit more juicy and tangible and interesting.

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I'm going to try and cheer you up with a few interviews we recorded but haven't gotten to because for some incredibly dumb reason, I decided to put out 25 episodes in the month of December. But just a few weeks back, before all of the high drama around 12 Days of TCB, Chrissy and I did get an opportunity to sit with the lovely Poppy Liu. Poppy is stealing scenes in Hacks.

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The love story between Saul and what was her name? Reba...

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I know. My wife and I love Narcos. It's, She's from Venezuela, and we speak Spanish and understand it. Narcos is a fantastic fucking show. I know. I want more. It's amazing. Do you watch all of the Narcos? I've watched all of them.

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Yeah. Just an incredible show.

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Pablo Escobar. Pablo is incredible. There's something to be said. Listen, I think it was Pablo who said, I am just a vessel for getting people what they want. Me and Pablo. Me and Esco. Me and Pablo Esco.

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He said that he was If there was no Americans, then Pablo Escobar wouldn't exist in the form that he did when he was the padre, right? And the truth is that he was just a really good entrepreneur who had great organizational skills that included an HR department that would fire at people's heads with a shotgun if you didn't do the things that were right. And murderous tendencies.

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We all grow it, we all shave it, and all of us style it differently. That's what makes us all unique and interesting and honestly, I think that's pretty fucking great. Dollar Shave Club is for everybody and every budget.

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And murderous tendencies.

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I'll just share that with you.

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Yeah.

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It's a huge difference.

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Let me share. Well, we just talked about this in the intro to this particular show, which you didn't hear. Disney just released... that they are going to spend $25 billion on content in 2025. $25 billion on producing content in 2025. Netflix is going to spend $17 billion. Netflix, who you're working for, is going to spend $17 billion on content production.

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$43 million just between the two streamers. That's an insane amount of money.

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Yeah, a million of it is. Trad Life Glam.

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Meanwhile, she's running around Atlanta doing 14 different movies all by Netflix. It's true.

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She's currently on the Netflix Top 10 series No Good Deed. She starred in Dead Ringers, The After Party, Space Cadet, and Mercy Mistress. She's a Peabody Award winner. She's known for her sitcoms like Sunnyside, Hacks, and Ike Harley. And she's always making things interesting on her Instagram at Poppy Republic. I'll put it all in the show notes, but let's not dwaddle today. Let's get right to it.

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I have 15 different shows that I'm watching currently, and then I have 20 shows that I still haven't finished.

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You know, 10 years ago, a friend said to me, he said, our children will never watch a commercial if they don't want to. And I thought that was crazy talk. I was like, oh, commercials are what makes the world go round, advertising. But it's so true. They'll see it in some other format. But the streamers have broken the model. They have disrupted it. And now it's just a crazy hodgepodge.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

2229.923

It's an embarrassment of riches, quite frankly. There are so many great shows. I mean, it's good for Poppy. So many great shows. Because Poppy gets work, right? Works in showbiz, if you will. Yes. $43 billion, Poppy. If in 2025, you just make one half of one tenth of 1% of their overall budgets, you are going to be living the high life in the hog. No problem.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

2259.5

Well, that's true. Well, the Disney exec's making 1% of 45%. It will trickle down.

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TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

2264.683

And...

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TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

2269.642

I don't think you're going to have a problem. You seem to be on a bit of a hot streak.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

2275.845

You have chickens?

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

2319.055

That's fucking adorable. I,

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

235.983

I know you've got batteries to buy and things to return. So we'll make this quick and easy and hopefully put a smile on your face as we talk to Poppy.

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2367.751

I have a lot of time to do that. And then give them to your friends. And then when we get to the bunker, we'll have food and company.

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2379.399

That's right.

The Commercial Break

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2381.26

You bring your silky chickens and their silky eggs.

The Commercial Break

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2391.347

The new race will begin. The new race will begin.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

2403.735

One egg a day. I can do a lot with that. I can do a lot with one egg a day. My cooking skills. Well, I can't do a lot with it, but I hear people can do a lot with it.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

2424.81

That's right. That's right. And now we can say for sure, having met you, the vibe is on fire. Yes. You are.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

2443.787

Oh, well. Welcome to our city. You are just absolutely lovely. I am... Oftentimes, we are pleasantly surprised by our conversations with people, but I am very pleasantly surprised by my... Not that I didn't expect you to be anything but pleasant.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

2457.543

And we have the apocalypse handled.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

2462.288

It's okay. Just can I be in the bunker next to you?

The Commercial Break

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2467.954

So then I can put a cup to the wall and listen to your vibes.

The Commercial Break

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2474.62

Well, I have 30 children. So yes, my lights out is going to be more like seven p.m. So. Don't worry about it. I'm an old man. No Good Deed is coming out on Netflix in just a couple of days, December 12th. Poppy is in that. Are you, Hacks, can we talk about Hacks? Is there another, are we going for another season?

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TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

249.966

poppy is here with us now thank you poppy for joining us we really appreciate it hi thanks for having me we're so glad that you're here and uh just as we were coming on uh to record we learned that poppy is just a few short miles away from us and here in the atlanta studio had we known this we would have brought you in because uh you just look lovely today i can basically see into your window yes i'm basically i'm outside your studio

The Commercial Break

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2507.389

Vegas is incredible. Vegas is a three-day town, but it's incredible. Yes. So Hacks is upcoming. You've got Space Cadets that's currently out right now and all the wonderful stuff that you've been in. Check out, go watch Better Call Saul for the third time, Brian. Yeah.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

2523.661

pick out poppy in the scenes and yeah find me i'm in like season three episode six so you gotta you gotta get in there you really have to dig into better call saul but it'll be well worth the wait and then poppy i'm gonna send you some i'm gonna uh i'll instagram you some urban climbers that you can get your hands sweaty about

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

2546.09

But no pimple poppers. Don't send them back to us. I don't want it. I don't want it.

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TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

2558.501

I'm jealous of your relationship already, but I'm no stranger to this particular vibe.

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2572.193

Oh yeah. Oh, that's going to be something because that can cause a really big medical issue.

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2594.665

Actually on a mission to make me puke. Poppy, you're lovely. Thank you for coming. We love you. Have a wonderful time in Atlanta. We look forward to speaking with you again soon. When Hacks is going to come out, then please come talk to us again. And we'll wrap up this conversation about all the disgusting things you girls are popping. It's Poppy. We'll put all the links in the show notes.

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TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

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Check out No Good Deed coming out on Thursday. Thanks, Poppy.

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See, I told you I'd make you feel better the day after Christmas. Poppy was wonderful. And while I did not make the apocalypse cave, I do understand why. As my cousin Mel used to say, too much mustard sours the dog. And while I always wondered what that meant, and why cousin Mel wasn't related to us, I think I got the point.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

277.078

Yeah. Listen, you would have come on here and you would have outshone the entirety of this studio because you look lovely, Poppy. Thank you.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

2779.053

All right, my friends, all the pertinent details will be in the show notes for Poppy. Check out her Netflix special now available, No Good Deed. Please do follow her on her socials and check out Hacks as the new season rounds the corner. Well, unbelievably, we kept it short and sweet today. I can't say that for the other 680-odd episodes of the commercial break, but don't worry.

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TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

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I'll have another chance to ramble pointlessly for hours tomorrow when we bring you another TCB infomercial. with comedic superstar Felipe Esparza. He's a household favorite around here, and I think you'll understand why after you hear our interview. Hey, while I've got you, I thought I'd let you know that we have two very special episodes coming up New Year's Eve and New Year's Day.

The Commercial Break

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We're a hot, drunk mess. Trust me, you're not going to want to miss this. Okay, go to the website, tcbpodcast.com. All the information, the show notes, the links to our sponsors, special codes and all that good jazz, all the audio, all the video right there from one location, tcbpodcast.com. You can also get free TCB swag by going to the contact us button, drop down menu. I want my free sticker.

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Give us your physical address and we'll send it away. 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. We are taking them all. Voicemail or text message right there. And thank you to everybody who's been writing over the holidays. If we haven't gotten back to you, I promise we'll do it in the new year. Add the commercial break on the ever-popping Instagram.

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TCB Podcast on the not-so-poppin' TikTok, and YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break for every single episode moving forward on video on the YouTube channel the same day they air here on the audio feed and then on Spotify just a couple of days later. On video, on Spotify, it's true.

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TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

2893.724

You can turn your phone sideways and watch us on video, and when you get sick of looking at my ugly mug, just turn it back straight, and away I will go. Okay, on behalf of Chrissy, I must bid you adieu and tell you that until next time, I will say, I do say, and I must say, goodbye.

The Commercial Break

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Whether you like to go smooth like a baby's bottom or you're maintaining a fantastic manscaped beard like I do, Dollar Shave Club offers grooming products that are always high quality and always the right price. So let me introduce you to some of their top sellers. I think they're going to make your grooming routine feel like a spa day.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

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It just doesn't happen. How old is your child? I mean, I read that you had a baby. Almost two. Almost two. Congratulations.

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Yeah, of course. I have a number of them also. We joke that I have 12 to 13. We don't know how many. We don't know how many. Either does either to the listeners. But at two years old, you know, I thought also for some reason, I thought I would also gain some cooking skills once I had kids. I'm like, well, now I really have to learn how to cook something besides, you know, microwave pizza.

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But I have I have learned nothing in the many years that I've now had children. I've learned nothing. I can't do it.

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386.968

So who does the cooking? How do you, how does the child get fed?

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Yeah.

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So thank you.

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Too many? Okay. Okay. It's you and 10 other folks, right? Yeah. Okay. It's you and 10 of your best friends, your nanny, right? And you're all in there. Yes. Everybody's going to need a lane. You're going to need a lane and somebody's going to have to be cooking. Someone's going to need to be MacGyver and fix shit and turn on the electricity and all that.

The Commercial Break

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And anybody who listens to the commercial break knows how much I like a spa day. The Club Series 6 Blade Razor. This isn't just any razor. It's a mini vacation for your face. It's got six stainless steel blades and a vitamin E infused lubricant strip. This razor delivers the closest, most comfortable shave. Honestly, I feel just a little too pampered after I use this.

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TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

467.143

Someone's going to be, you know, the quiet, introspective one who's thinking of a way to get us out of here. Yeah. And then you're definitely going to need a vibe human, like a vibe chick or a vibe guy who's going to wake up every morning. and give our mind, tickle the insides of our brains, so to speak, with some positivity.

The Commercial Break

TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

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That is just as important as, maybe not cooking, but it's just as important as the MacGyver guy, I'm sure.

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Are you I need my cup of coffee before anybody talks to me kind of person? Do you drink caffeine?

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TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

524.361

Yeah. I don't think I've heard that shit is great. I've got friends who just like, they swear by it. They're like, just take a half of Vyvanse in the morning and you'll be twice as effective as you already are. And I'm like, do you see how fast I speak? I don't need to go any faster.

The Commercial Break

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Thank God. You are a good cook.

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Okay. Yeah, I love it.

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584.605

I think Chrissy would definitely be the chef of the group. If I had to pick a friend that I would bring along with me to the bunker, I'd bring, I mean, obviously I'd bring Chrissy. You know, we've been friends forever. And then now, you know, 8,000 episodes. We would be in the bunker together. Yeah, we'd be in the bunker together, driving each other crazy.

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TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

606.935

Yes. I'm like you. I think that on if you catch me in the right moment at some point during the day, I can be the vibe guy. I also think I always see things. I always see the cup half full, even when I'm in a bad mood. There's some kind of light I can see. There's something I can see.

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TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

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And I like to point it out. Like, I've been spending the week trying to pull Chrissy out of a terrible depression. I've been spending the week trying to pull America out of a terrible depression, but it's not working.

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TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

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Okay, ready? So here it is. We have a conversation yesterday with like a noted pundit commentarian about current events, like someone you would know. And I'm not only not saying his name because I don't want people to get messed up when they hear the order of which these are put out. Totally. Showbiz, baby. Yeah, showbiz, baby.

The Commercial Break

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And the precision trimmer is perfect for getting those little detailed areas like right under the nose or around your jawline. Because when you're going to keep it high and tight... You need to get it precise. But don't take my word for it. Try it for yourself. Dollar Shave Club products are now available anywhere.

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He has this conversation with us and it makes us both feel so much better. He's like, democracy holds. Don't worry about it.

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TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

670.796

It'll be tested, but it'll hold. Yeah. We'll figure it out. And so we get off and we're like, that's fantastic. We feel great. And the second we open our fucking phones, it's like, oh, no. No, it's not going to hold. It's not holding. It's not holding. It's terrible.

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Oh my God, Poppy.

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Cleaning out the good vibes, bringing in the negative ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My therapist said to me once, she said, and she says it to me actually a lot, but the first time she said it, I wasn't convinced, but now like the 30th time I've heard it, I'm getting more convinced. She says there needs to be at least two hours of your day when you give yourself a break from all the worrying.

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She's like, so just tell yourself this is a worry-free hour of the day and just go, you know, zone out or do whatever. Now, that doesn't work all the time. And it certainly hasn't worked in the last week.

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TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

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Meditation.

The Commercial Break

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Meditation. Kundalini yoga with Guru Jagat.

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TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

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Yes, of course. It's a way, I think it's a form of zoning out. Okay, good. My algorithm is on fleek because I don't really, like my algorithm is not necessarily political, but because of the topics we have on the commercial break, I tend to scroll into topics

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772.037

weird areas of the world right so I see a guy who's like let's just say he's talking to I don't know he's talking to Emily Ratajkowski about their marriage and he has two views and one follower but he's having a he's telling Emily through the screen how he's gonna cook and clean before she gets home right and I'm like that is amazing this is a national treasure

The Commercial Break

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So you can order them from the website, Amazon, or get them at your favorite retailer near you. That's what I do. Alternatively, you can visit the site right now for 20% off, $20 or more, and get your products delivered right to your door. Visit dollarshaveclub.com slash TCB and use the code TCB for 20% off, $20 or more. And remember, whatever you shave, welcome to the club.

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813.715

North Sea TikTok. Oh, go ahead.

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821.984

I also have a lot of dangerous sea shit show up. I am fascinated by it.

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Because I'm scared shitless of it.

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Yeah. So I, I have on my personal Instagram and on Tik TOK, I have a lot of, um, dangerous ocean shit, like dangerous ocean conditions. People who put out those videos where they show, I get so much of that. And I know like cruise ships tilting sideways and people sliding down the banister.

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TCB Infomercial w. Poppy Liu

864.937

you're dying slowly at the bottom of the sea i get really like or like intellectually aroused by it yeah there's something that does uh it's it's definitely a form of doom scrolling but i know you know the other thing but i know that i'm i'm not going that like i'm not in that

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Yeah, no. The first time I flew to Switzerland, for some reason, we flew over the North Sea and it was a terribly choppy day. And all I remember seeing through the airplane window were these waves that to me looked 100 feet high. It was crazy. They were. Yes, I know. And I thought to myself, thank God, no one... That I know is doing that.

The Commercial Break

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909.079

The other thing I tend to end up on is guys and girls that are climbing those fucking construction cranes with not a chain on them. Like just, you know, these like urban climbers.

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That's a near fear unlocked, Poppy.

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Urban climbers.

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934.339

Or they go to construction sites. And you know that, like, you spent time, you were, you lived in Shanghai, right? Yeah. Okay. So in Shanghai, they have, it's a terribly crowded city, I imagine, with lots of buildings or so I see. And there's always one in the construction.

The Commercial Break

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climb try to climb me yes get to the top that building is the that building is the apple and uh the climbers are the eve it's just good they gotta take a bite out of it literally i and i am terrified of heights terrified of heights so for me watching those videos gives me the satisfaction of knowing that i'm getting over my fear by watching someone on a five-inch screen do whatever

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The Amazing Race...To The Bottom!

101.877

Survivor was also one that was out there. The Greatest Race. What was that called?

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1024.909

Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large.

The Commercial Break

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1042.945

And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules.

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The Amazing Race...To The Bottom!

1061.739

They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything. You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Serea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. Okay, in my opinion, the cruelest reality show that has ever existed. Some would call this a prank show.

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The Amazing Race...To The Bottom!

107.719

The Amazing Race.

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1085.804

I think that's probably the best way to put it. But man, is this wild. Are you ready for this? I think so. Let's get into it here. America's, USA's next superstar, Superstar USA, something like that.

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1099.312

Yeah, it's true. Once you know the characters in it, then it's going to be hard to find the next season.

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110.541

Survivor and Amazing Race survived the Amazing Race of bad reality television shows. And I loved... to watch a lot of these shows. As an exhibitionist, I thought they were stupid and funny, and I kind of, I think, felt like I was in on the joke. Like, this is crazy that we're doing this. But a lot of people took them very seriously. A lot of people really got into them.

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He was in a lot of WB stuff. I think he was like a, I think he did like a, what was that show? Aisha Tyler, remember her? And she did the bus thing, get on the bus, bus, something love bus. And I think he was also part of that crew or part of that show.

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1152.998

We're crushing their little hearts. How happy you are to be doing this.

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The Amazing Race...To The Bottom!

1174.601

But because we're bored by all the cookie cutter pop, we decided to crush people's spirits and any possible dreams they have of success because we're bored.

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1197.581

The WB was wild. The WB was wild. They would go for it. Who greenlit this? Yeah. And they were probably getting bad press for it beforehand. I imagine that promo, that intro was cut after they had run some commercials and stuff and people were like, no way you're going to do this. And Brian Dunkelman number two here has to get on and apologize before it even starts.

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The Amazing Race...To The Bottom!

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Clearly a ripoff intro of American Idol. Right.

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Yeah, the WB's Superstar USA. Yeah, lots of stars. Lots of weird graphic stars.

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Yeah, they took the best part of American Idol's audition process and they just juiced it. And so for that, I guess they're taking what works about another show and they're just extending it. Or this.

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I have a feeling that some of these people are plants. They are actors and actresses that are on the show. Because I actually don't... I think there's too much liability in having actual people have the rug pulled out from under them like this. You know, they could be... Who knows? They could hurt themselves or whatever.

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How do you get the audience in on this? I guess you have to tell them all. Yeah, that they need to cheer loudly no matter what happens.

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I did, too. What happened? Did you, like, apply or anything?

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The Amazing Race...To The Bottom!

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You're going to laugh.

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The Amazing Race...To The Bottom!

1384.637

She had two hits. I remember that song. That song played on rotation like in 2003. Yeah, that's right.

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I wonder why Vitamin C never stayed in the conscious collective pop lexicon.

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Part of the cruelest show ever.

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You know what I'm saying? They paid me a lot of money to be out here. You know what I'm saying?

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Ah, Briggs. And Briggs looks like a guy I've seen on other reality television shows because he probably is an actor. I mean, obviously he's an actor, but... I'd have to say...

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Pleather jacket.

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The Amazing Race...To The Bottom!

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Oh, my God. So not only do you have to pretend like the bad singers are good, you have to tell the good singers that they're shit. Yes, yes. Oh, brother.

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The Amazing Race...To The Bottom!

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

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Yeah, they're getting their hair cut and their new duds. And they're in the studio with professionals. Work with vocal coaches.

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The Amazing Race...To The Bottom!

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Why? I don't know. I didn't even know an American Idol. You just went and shopped for a new car?

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The Amazing Race...To The Bottom!

159.781

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. Here we are. Just reading that Haley Jo Osmond... The kid from The Sixth Sense?

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There's the obligatory bikini shot. Yes.

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The Amazing Race...To The Bottom!

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We finally smash your little dreams into a million pieces. If my name isn't Brian Dunkelman, but that's not my name.

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The Amazing Race...To The Bottom!

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Had to relive it all over again. They must have been under some kind of agreement not to say anything. Well, of course, you wouldn't want to say anything. That's right.

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The Amazing Race...To The Bottom!

169.792

Remember that kid? Yeah. And he's done some other stuff, too. Like, here. Here's a picture of him. You've probably seen him in other things.

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It's hard to laugh. Well, thank God many years have passed. Hopefully they give him therapy afterwards.

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She's clearly an actress.

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I don't know what other things, but you've probably seen him in those other things. He got arrested for drunken disorderly conduct while on a skiing vacation. And they just released his mugshot, and he looks just like he does in real life. The substance is unidentified, but Mono County Sheriff's Office refused to comment. Alcohol and possession of marijuana and another substance unidentified.

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As they prepared to meet superstars Tone Loke and Vitamin C. And Briggs. Yeah, I mean, let's be honest about it. Vitamin C and Tone Loke are not exactly the A-list musicians that you think they are. Many were overwhelmed with last-minute jitters.

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I'd rather listen to blues barking, if I'm being honest.

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That counts for something, Chrissy.

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Yes. In all my years in the musical industry, if you don't mind, Chris, I'll interject a story as a professional, from a professional point of view here. In all my years in the musical business, there's one thing that I knew about a cocksure rock star is that a gold chain was the accoutrement you absolutely needed. Oh, yeah. A falsetto voice and a gold chain.

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Even Tone Logue knows this is cruel.

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I thought I could. No, I came to audition for this reality show about singing, and I had no idea I could sing.

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Everything, huh? You got the voice and the lyrics? And the looks. Oh, I thought she said the lyrics. I'm like, oh, you remembered the lyrics?

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As we say, break it on down.

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He's sentenced to three years probation.

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To be fair, that's the best I've ever heard Taylor Dayne sing. Live.

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Oh, I thought that was Taylor Day. That was Whitney Houston. Sorry, Taylor and Whitney. Sorry to both of you. Are you both still alive? I don't know, but sorry to both of you. Flavor to it.

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Like in some... Because Colorado... Mammoth Lake.

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Oh, my God. These poor girl. I mean, honestly, this is a little cruel and funny and cruel. So I guess what they did, they went to different cities just like they went to different cities to make sure that they, you know, fucked with a lot of different people.

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Oh, Lance. All the glitter shirt on. Since you've been gone. Gary Glitter up here.

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It's a band of gold. What song is that? What is this? It's like a calliope or something. This is from the days before Broadway. It's a band of gold.

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Yeah, so is California. Why do you have... Why? I don't know. Maybe there are... Maybe you can't be in public with it. Maybe you can't be smoking it in public. I think there are certain places where even though it's legal in California, you still can't smoke it in public.

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Oh, really?

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Huh. Isn't everybody a record executive these days? The record business doesn't even exist anymore. Are any of these people, like, let me see something.

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Yes. Okay. Oh, right. The show was a spoof of a popular... The finalists were chosen... The prank was exposed as humorous and outrageous parody.

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Oh, really? Yes. Oh, okay.

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She did parlay this appearance on this clearly terrible idea of a show. But you know what? I'm so fascinated by what happens next. Okay, let's do this. Let's take a break and we'll get back. We'll watch a couple more minutes of this. We'll be back.

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Like when I went to Las Vegas, they put it in some special bag that would explode if you opened it up while you're on the street.

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Ready for this? They did not use actors as contestants. These are real people who thought that they were involved in an actual music competition. I really find that hard to believe. I know that at least one of these people, to me, appears to be a plant. But I mean, I guess not. But you know how maybe the Internet is wrong, but I don't know. Let's let's let's keep listening. Simulance. Simulance.

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It was like this weird lock bag that everyone had to have while they were traveling with it. And so, you know, I kept it in the lock bag until I got back to the roach-infested motel. And then I just, you know, I did what I did with it after that. So there you go. Listen, I want to talk about something. The 90s and the 2000s was a wild time for television, especially for reality show television.

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Well, that's not what I expected to come out of this guy's mouth. He's wearing a beanie, dark sunglasses. This guy looks like a tough guy. He's like 7'10", and it's 500 pounds. And he comes in at 6'0". It is so funny.

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He's in. Now we've got a cast coming together here, Chrissy.

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This is the one I think is an actress.

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Listen, this girl's name is Jamie. Jamie Floss. Jamie Floss on Superstar USA was in television shows long before this show ever aired. So clearly there were plants in the audience.

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Wow. She is sassy.

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Sassy Lassa.

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It really wasn't so long ago. Probably most of our listeners born either at, you know, around 2003 or after or before 2003. And this is the kind of schmaltz that they would be on TV and got away with it constantly. Oh, yeah. He just said, you have nice tits.

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She was in at least three television shows before 2004 when this aired and 2003 when it was recorded. So that tells me that they did, in fact, get actors and actresses to play a role here.

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Yes, it was. Yes. I mean, reality show.

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uh yeah they're showing these clips of obviously what they're going to show ahead of time by the way the clip intros and outros on the show take up half the show i know like it's like six and a half minutes long it's like a goddamn commercial break intro uh and what they showed was someone walking in a beautiful woman walking in and taking off all her clothes yeah acting singers will be selected to face off in hollywood for a shot at fame and fortune

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Yeah, it really was. Reality shows of the early, if I could spell, early 2000s. I had a list here and I lost it. Hold on. Well, of course, American Idol, The Osbournes, The Simple Life. The Osbournes. Yeah. Let's go with some more here. Hold on. The Simple Life was just like one of the wildest shows that had been. It was all kind of staged, but you know.

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Yeah, no, he is no Ryan Seacrest. He's not even a Brian Dunkelman, if I'm being honest. I like Brian Dunkelman better.

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I hope he got a good paycheck for this. Do you know what I'm saying? I hope there was, like, a reason why he had to do this. He's a little shmarmy. He's a little smirky.

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I think he thought the WB was going to be a six. Yeah, you're right. I think the big joke is on Tone Loke and this guy.

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I think he hosted like E! Entertainment's weekend for a few years or something.

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But then again, you probably imagine a lot of these people who are good singers did go to American Idol and got rejected there. I mean, you've got to think about the incredible odds of just even getting on a show like American Idol. It's tens of thousands of people to one.

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Oh, my God.

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Okay, you get the point. You know what we should do? You know what we should do, Chrissy? What's that? You know what I think we should do? What's that? America's next top mediocre comedy podcaster. We should do a contest here at the commercial break. where we, let's say we take some applications, and then we take six to eight aspiring podcasters, people who like to do what we can do.

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Now, to be fair, podcasting, unlike music, is a very low barrier to entry. You can, any money can pretty much do it. All you need is a microphone, not even a microphone. You just need a way to record yourself and a hosting platform to send out the RSS feed. Good luck finding listeners. That's the hardest part. But you know, We should do a contest where we interview a few folks.

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We put them through a few rounds of tests. Maybe we do an interview. Maybe we have them put together a sketch or a parody or a segment or whatever. And then we kind of whittle it down to two. And then we pick a winner. And then we give them some airtime on the commercial break or on the RSS feed on like a Saturday afternoon, 20, 30 minutes.

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to let them send out their brand new podcast to the world, a kickstart, if you will. That's the count. That's the prize. The prize is take our five listeners and hopefully three of them will be listening to your show by the end of it. What do you think?

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Do you like this idea?

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I think this is an idea that whose time has come. America's next top mediocre comedy podcaster. It's a long title, but it makes sense. I wonder if there's anybody out there interested in that. I wonder if people aspire to be a mediocre comedy podcast just like we have here at the commercial break.

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Yeah, but it's got to be comedy. Actually, no, I don't care. Whatever. You know what? We're going to call it America's Next Top Mediocre Comedy Podcaster. But if you have a different idea, then we'll jam you in there. We'll figure it out. Yeah, because there aren't that many listeners. And so I want to make sure we have enough people to actually have a contest.

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This is an idea. And if you're interested, text us, 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. And let's see if we can kind of frame this a little bit. If we get enough people that are interested, we'll mention it a couple times. If we get enough people that are interested, then we'll do it.

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Over the course of a couple weeks, we'll dedicate some Thursdays to it, and we'll see if we can whittle it down to just a couple who have the real talent, the real gusto we think it takes to be mediocre enough to win. You know, play with the big boys like the commercial break.

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Oh, I think they did do, like, an extra season of that a couple of years ago or something, or a year ago. I don't think it took off. No. Because now they're married with children, and it's like, it's not, it doesn't have the same. And we've all grown a little bit older and a little bit more mature, and as have they. Yes. So it didn't hit quite like it hit.

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And if they do, and if we think it's good and they win, we'll give them a kickstart. We'll give them a 30-minute consultation on mediocre comedy podcasting. And we'll let them use our RSS feed for a few minutes on a Saturday afternoon to get the word out there about their brand new mediocre comedy podcast.

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And I think this would be good. And if it works, and if people like it, we could do it every year. That's true. And we could start a whole batch of mediocre comedy podcasts. Maybe we'll start our own network. Oh, there you go. There you go. That's an idea whose time has come. There you go. All right. You got the information. 212-433-3TCB. I'm dreaming that your aspirations become my riches.

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No money, though. There's no money in this. Don't come here expecting that there's going to be some big cash prize or gold at the end of it. We've been doing this five years and are barely breaking even. It's tough. It's tough to make a living as a podcaster. All right, there you go. Superstar USA, WB Superstar USA. The cruelest prank in history. But again, I'm not 100% sure it's all real.

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Yes. She won. Jamie won.

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And she went on to star in other TV shows. So there you go. Maybe what we'll do is in a couple weeks, if this kind of idea takes off, maybe what we'll do is we'll follow up by watching the finale and see what happens and see how she reacts when they pull the rug out from under her. And maybe we'll just go straight to the payoff because I don't think I could listen to all this bad singing.

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There's like 12 episodes. How do you get through that? No wonder there's not a season number two. I mean, number one, yeah, the joke can only go so far. But number two, how can you listen to all that bad singing for an hour, 12 hours of it?

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Yeah, that's what happens. All the has-beens are at Netflix. Everybody works for Netflix. That's probably the best way to put it. All right. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. You want to be America's next top mediocre comedy podcaster? Let us know. Or questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, we take them all. May 31st, the 12 hours of TCB. It's a Saturday starting at 10 a.m. Mark your calendars.

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It was like nothing you'd ever seen on television. These two absolute airheads. Party girls. Party girls. Rich, party girls. Rich! Going in, like... going to spend a week with a cow farmer. On a farm, yeah. And they'd be like, that's hot. And sticking their hand in cows' asses. It was interesting at the time. America's Next Top Model, Punk'd, Jersey Shore, Fear Factor from Joe Rogan.

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At the commercial break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and YouTube.com slash thecommercialbreak. Plus, TCBpodcast.com for all the audio, the video, and your free schwank.

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okay chrissy that's all i can do for today i think so but i'll tell you that i love you i love you i'll say best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe until next time chrissy and i will say we do say and we must say goodbye

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Oh my God, Joe Rogan. Yeah. The Bachelor started back then. Trading spaces where neighbors made other people's houses, their neighbor's houses look ugly and then you had to pretend like you liked it. Remember that? I do. Making of the band. Next, which we have reviewed. Newlyweds with Nick and Jessica. Oh, yeah. Nanny 911.

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Cake Boss, which I never understood how anybody gave a shit about Cake Boss. Dog the Bounty Hunter. Laguna Beach. So many. I mean, Kitchen Nightmares. Flavor of Love. Rock of Love. So many weird and wild... Reality shows that it was hard to keep up with all of them, quite frankly. And when you look back on them now, most of them have not aged well.

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There is a certain amount of chauvinism and exhibitionism and just general disdain for human life that goes on in some of these shows. It's really weird. Take Fear Factor, for example. People were eating like Madagascar cockroaches, live ones.

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I never liked it. I never liked it. Not because of Joe Rogan. I actually thought Joe did a good job on the show.

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Yeah, it's what they were doing that made my stomach turn. And anytime they brought out those insects, which was every fucking episode. Which was every time. Yeah, or they'd like stick them 700 feet in the air in a car like they were in the car with a helmet. Then they'd set the car on fire, you know, make it explode and hope that they dropped into the water.

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It was like this weird show where you knew that they were probably going to be safe.

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But they sure did make it look dangerous. And people would be competing for like, you know, $10,000 in Chili's gift cards or something. It was so stupid. It was so stupid. But it was very popular for a couple of years anyway. Very popular. I think it ran on NBC and then on MTV and it went around the circuit.

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But one of the wildest – and American Idol, of course, kicked this – kicked all of the singing competitions off and all of like the kind of competition. Survivor was also one that was out there, the greatest race. What was that called?

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The amazing race.

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Survivor and Amazing Race survived the Amazing Race of bad reality television shows. And I loved to watch a lot of these shows. As an exhibitionist, I thought they were stupid and funny. And I kind of, I think, felt like I was in on the joke. Like, this is crazy that we're doing this. But a lot of people took them very seriously. A lot of people really got into them.

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I did, too. But what happened? Did you did you like apply or anything?

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Okay, so he would essentially be able to get you from point A to point B in the quickest manner, figure out all that, kind of the math part of it. Yeah.

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No brains, all balls. Yeah. Like, go to the running of the bowls and make it out alive. Yeah. Okay, all right. I wanted to go on it too, but I couldn't figure out which of my family members would agree to be with me for that long. So I decided not to do it. But I did get into that show for like two seasons.

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I haven't watched it in a long time. I think I watched like the second and third season and I was really into it. And then I don't know, for whatever reason, I stopped watching it.

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I did have 30 children. Yes. I'm just getting to Top Chef season seven. It's on 23. I mean, honestly. But that singing reality show kind of contest. Listen, it is all got kicked off with MTV's The Real Life, The Real World.

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The real world was the OG, I think, by a lot of people. It might not have been the very first reality show television necessarily per se, but it was the first one to gain mainstream attention and really kind of massage the format in a way that it was interesting. Put people in a room, let them be humans, film all the drama in a house, living together for a month or two or whatever it was.

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Film all the drama, edit it in a way that is linear so you can understand from one moment to the next what is going on. Cut out all the crap and just put the best, most interesting, juicy parts of it out there on television. And they did. And it was critically panned and acclaimed. People watched it in droves. Oh, it was huge.

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And the unintended consequence of this was that the people who were a part of these shows became famous in their own right, which I don't think anybody expected, but they did. And by season number three, it became clear that people who were going on the real world were there in part to become famous, not for some human social experiment, but because there was fame and riches at the end of it.

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And when social media came... Forget about it. Now it's a different game altogether. You're going to be famous if you go on a reality show, at least to some degree. And that is a big part of the reason why you would even want to partake in any of these shenanigans, so to speak. Well, I applied for The Real World.

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I did for like season number six or something, five, six, something like that. Obviously, I didn't make it on The Real World. In case you didn't know, I didn't make it on The Real World. One of the most famous podcasters on earth right now was on Road Rules, which was adjunct to Real World. It was like a competition. They got in a van. They lived together for a month.

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They did these competitive challenges, and then they would get knocked out or into the competition. Theo Vaughn was a Road Rules contestant. Also, I had many people, and I say many, I mean like two, people who had suggested that when American Idol started, I should go on American Idol. Wow. And try and be a singer on American Idol, like a rock and roll edgy singer, like buck the trend.

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Don't be a pop star. Be a rock star. That's not what American Idol was looking for. And I thought about going because they came to Atlanta early on, like season number two or three. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it because even though I watched it, I hated it because I thought I hated what it represented. A...

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cheat code to the music industry when I had worked so very hard and failed and when I say very hard numerous assisted living homes numerous club dates with no patrons paying to see me and one album that I will never make it on Spotify because probably no one has the master tapes they said well tape over those it's all good um but one channel. decided to turn this whole thing on its head.

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It decided that this was a joke and we needed to treat it as such. American Idol, the American Idol-esque type competitions. We're a joke and we needed to treat it as such. Let's make it a joke. Let's make it the joke that it is. Let's take these delusional human beings that think that they can be some pop superstar by using the cheat code.

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Let's take these delusional human beings and let's put them in a delusional world where all their dreams could come true. even if they were the worst singers on earth. How I missed this show when it came out, I have no idea. But there has been some videos going around the internet lately that turned me on to this particular show that ran on the WB for one season, I think.

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And it is the meanest reality show that has ever existed.

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It is called Superstar USA.

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The Next Superstar USA or something like that. I'd like to watch this. At least in part, the first episode of this. Because I never saw it when it was on air.

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But just watching 15 minutes of it last night after seeing some reels over the last couple of weeks, I thought that these were delusional people that were singing in front of a crowd, and the crowd for some reason didn't have ears. Like, you know, it was a crowd full of people who couldn't hear. Yeah. Because it was clear that they were singing terribly, but the crowd was going wild.

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And I was like, where did this run? How did these people get on this very highly produced event and then sing this badly and have all these people that are telling them how good it really is? It's because it's the whole premise of the show. Take the worst, most delusional people in the musical business that want to be in the music business and pretend like they are the best.

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And then at the end, pull the rug out from under their feet. So this is crazy, crazy, mean, crazy in general, hilarious, very funny, but at the expense of a lot of different people's dreams and not one of these people, at least none of them that I have seen so far became actually famous for any particular reason. And so it really ended up just being a cruel prank show is what it ended up being.

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If you don't mind, Chrissy, let's take some time. Let's review the pilot episode and let's see what we think about this. You want to do that?

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Okay. So quick segment, quick flip. I want to dedicate as much time as I can to this particular video. So let's take a break. And when we get back, I'm going to put this on the old screen of my later and then the old podcast of my later screen here. And then when we get back, we'll review it together. Like that love connection noise?

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Also, you don't put jackets on.

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1002.56

Well, I mean, I'm just going to take out the trash. What am I? Right.

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Well, if you're going to starve, it doesn't matter where you're going.

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What am I? Some frou-frou man? I'm a guy. I'm a dude. I can go out there without it. Clearly. Yeah. I'm wearing sandals and a short-sleeved t-shirt and complaining about the fact that it's cold. And now I'm like, at night, I'm going down this rabbit hole of watching people climb Everest. I'm in this Everest rabbit hole, they call it.

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I have no idea why people want to... I mean... Have no idea.

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Yeah.

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To each their own, granted. But from the outside, to me that looks like, why would you... I think this is why I'm down the rabbit hole.

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Why would you ever want to go almost... I don't even want to hike to Stone Mountain. I know.

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I don't even want to hike up Stone Mountain here.

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We've done it a couple of times. I mean, we've been to the top of Stone Mountain a couple of times. I don't even like being that high.

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Why would I really put my life at risk? Consciously, from the moment I said, yes, I'm doing it, there is... And I don't even know the statistics.

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One out of seven.

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Okay, well, then first, and then to make my life miserable? That's it. Because when I was a kid, I remember there was... And I forgot. There's like a Venezuelan guy that when I was a child made it to the top of the Everest. The Everest.

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Thank you. Well, that's what I get from watching Bridgerton.

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But whatever, until the guy became like, you know.

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Locally famous.

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Yeah, and then he went on to be some type of coach that would go to businesses to give speech and blah blah.

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But and back then, I remember he went to like my mom at the time, the company where my mom was working at. And he gave, you know, a conference and my mom came back.

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Like a motivational speech.

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And then my mom came back like, oh, my gosh, we saw this guy, blah, blah, blah. You know, like he's one at the time. Apparently, he was like one of very few people that had made it to the top. Right. But I believe by now, like, after internet and social media and all that, like, we realize there's actually a lot of people have made it.

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Now, I'm not taking... I have... I don't want to, like, take away the challenge.

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It is hard. Right. No matter how you do it, but the...

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But I don't want to be one in already thousands of people have made it.

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Listen, and here's the wrap on Everest, is having watched now hundreds of hours of content, and I don't know why I'm watching it. I think because it's so antithetical to anything I would ever think about doing. I understand it. So you now have... At base camp down at the bottom of the mountain, you have five different camps. And at base camp, it's basically a five-star hotel. They bring chefs.

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They bring TVs. They bring satellite radios. You have internet. Everybody's going up there for the clicks. Everybody wants to get to the top because they want to do – like some dude was the first dude this last year, the first guy to do a backflip on the top of the mountain.

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121.056

no one's life is that perfect no scene is always that pretty no relationship is that perfect no even when you have an airplane private airplane your life still sucks in some way shape or form money doesn't solve all problems vacations don't solve all problem problems and no one and i mean no one mormon moms cooks fucking chocolate cake in a goddamn three thousand dollar dress fuck you

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1219.153

The backflip on the top of Everest, hundreds of people, if not thousands of people, have died in pursuit of getting up to the top. No matter how you do Everest, it's hard. And no matter why you do Everest, it's hard.

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You are putting your life in your own hands, and you are very likely putting other people's lives in your hands, like the porters and sherpas that have to go with you and do all this stuff. And if you are ill-equipped, if you have never done something like this before, you can still get to the top of Everest. But do you make it down is the question.

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1249.363

And I just am baffled by people who have no experience doing mountaineering whatsoever deciding that Everest is all of a sudden something they want to do because you can pay a company to basically float you up to the top of it. But people die and they die because inexperienced people try and go up there.

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1266.212

But it's similar to, and yes, exactly. I agree. Like random people who have never.

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1271.614

Never.

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1271.974

Because if you, if that has been a goal of you for years and you have like worked and trained to get to that point. I mean, sure. Right. Same thing happens with like divers and a fisher, fisherman or whatever, you know, all kinds of different high risk.

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1291.399

Activity.

The Commercial Break

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1292.119

Right. Fishing. Yeah.

The Commercial Break

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1297.849

No.

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1300.392

When you dive.

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1301.213

Oh, diving.

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1302.715

No, but people who fish.

The Commercial Break

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1304.978

Spear fishing?

The Commercial Break

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1306.34

Yes. My grandpa used to do that.

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1308.603

Oh, okay. I didn't know spear fishing existed.

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1310.746

no spearfishing was such a dangerous sport right when you don't have any equipment well no i wouldn't try and do that either i am equally as afraid of the top of everest as i am of the bottom of the ocean i don't want to do either of those two things no i don't i forgot the name in english but when you like the the ones who dive with no equipment oh free diving free they call it free diving yeah yeah um oh that i've watched a lot of movies on that too that's crazy

The Commercial Break

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1337.105

So, but it's just like people, you know, you have the people who died and, you know, oh, I want to see the Titanic.

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1344.532

Yeah.

The Commercial Break

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1344.993

Like, what for?

The Commercial Break

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1348.516

Listen, those people, we talked a lot about that. I still have a hard time believing that people went down in a tin can developed by some dude that was just grifting off people. By the way, and listen, I like explorers. are important people, people who want to push boundaries, go places other people don't want to, and test endurance, human endurance.

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1370.646

But I can appreciate that there's a difference between doing that blindly because you think there's some recognition or some hoopla for it, and then having some internal drive to do it and also having a brain to go along with it. I would just ask a person who has no mountaineering experience, decides they want to go on an Everest adventure, which, by the way, can be two to three months.

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1392.677

You might get one or two days that the window is good, and when there's thousands of people on the mountain, there's a traffic jam, and that's why people are dying.

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1400.822

I would ask somebody, if you have no experience mountaineering, and you want to go to the top of Everest, and you think paying somebody $50,000 to shepherd you up there is a good idea so you can take a picture at the top of the mountain, would you also... go 500 to 600 feet underwater, hold your breath for 15 minutes? No, without any training?

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1420.994

Of course you wouldn't, because that's a dumb fucking idea. It's the same principle applies when you go to the top of Everest. And listen, I'm not the guy who would ever climb Everest. I don't know what it's like. And I will say that anybody who even tries it, attempts it, has bigger cojones than I do.

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1436.479

So I'm not trying to like shit on people who just decide they want to go up and decide they want to go to Everest. But I watch all these videos, and I understand that people who really do love Everest and love mountaineering and love climbing and do it for a living, they're very concerned about how many people are now just showing up at Everest trying to get up to the top for no reason.

The Commercial Break

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1454.954

It's become like a commercial thing. It's very commercialized. Like everything, right? And we should really try to maybe pay more attention to it.

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1463.182

Yeah. Let the professionals go up Everest. Let National Geographic do that. They're good at finding people who are professional for that. We all have Stone Mountain to climb. Stone Mountain! Over 200 feet tall. You could take a tram up to the top.

The Commercial Break

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1480.034

Last week there was bad news.

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1483.696

There was bad news last week?

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1485.057

Yeah, about something happening. Dun, dun, dun, dun! That's bad news. Don't tell me. I can't take it.

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1493.343

No, somebody... Somebody fell off the mountain?

The Commercial Break

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1496.084

Unalived himself.

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1498.506

He fell off the mountain?

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1500.227

Or something like that.

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1500.907

Oh, he unalived himself? Or he accidentally unalived himself?

The Commercial Break

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1505.35

Well, I read it was, like, with that purpose.

The Commercial Break

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1509.795

He like ran and jumped off the mountain?

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1512.016

I have no idea.

The Commercial Break

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1513.877

When you go to the top of that stone mountain, it's very flat at the top. And there's like a huge area where you can stand. But it's clear that there's a line. And if you go past that line, it's just a sheer drop off. And they have gates there. They have like fences and gates. They do? On some parts of it, they have fences and gates. But still, it always makes me very nervous. Yeah, me too.

The Commercial Break

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1533.709

You know, the couple times you've taken the kids up there.

The Commercial Break

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1535.751

Especially if they start running around.

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1537.091

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just don't like heights in general. I don't like heights in general, and that's why I even surprised myself climbing up that rock wall at Great Wolf Lodge. I was very proud of myself. I don't know why I did it. I did it because you said that I couldn't do it. That's why I did it. I did it just to spite you. How do you feel about that?

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Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1553.041

Yeah, because you're my fourth child.

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1555.416

I am. I'm like a child. And you're my fourth child. No, I'm not. I just have to take care of you a lot less.

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1562

I'm a very mature child, if that's okay.

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1564.942

Okay, well, we'll hear Astrid toot more of her own horn when we get back. I want to talk about the TikTok ban that lasted 24 hours, talk about Trump meme coin and the Melania meme coin, and tell you why I think we should all get in on this action, grifting ourselves to death right after these words. We'll be back.

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159.128

Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to another episode of The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Greene, this is the CEO of TCB, my wife Astrid. Best to you, Astrid.

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Get Astrid A New Mumu!

168.333

Hello, hello. Best to you, Astrid.

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Get Astrid A New Mumu!

170.955

Best to you, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. 800 episodes of this show and you still don't know to say best to you. You're fired!

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Get Astrid A New Mumu!

178.359

I do notice, but actually I was thinking about this.

The Commercial Break

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1799.528

Okay, back here with Astrid as Chrissy and Christina take a inclement weather day, whatever the fuck that means, inclement weather day.

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181.641

Uh-oh.

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1811.261

Actually, I don't want to go outside either, so I can't blame them. Yeah, and if there is, on the off chance that there is snow, I wouldn't want... Chrissy and Christina stuck here. Yeah, because they would be miserable in this household if they had. Let's listen to our children run around for five, six days, however long it's going to be. It's going to be cold for the next week, too. Geez.

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182.601

this is kind of like chris's signature um well yours and chris's signature you know welcome to the show true so as i was getting ready i was like well no i i don't think i should you know i don't want to like you don't want to say best to you i mean i do yes and no

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1830.237

Well, there's like a winter storm. Yeah, there's... Passing through, like, the whole country.

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Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1835.832

I know. And you know what the crazy thing is? It's like, even in Amelia Island, they're expecting snow down there. That's kind of insane. I know.

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1841.513

That's what I... Listen, I don't know how the things go. But yesterday, last night, I was looking at the weather channel.

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1850.095

Yeah.

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Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1850.375

And it showed, like, parts south of here were getting snow.

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1856.916

Yes.

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1857.436

And were not. And I was like, well, I don't know how the math works, but in my head, I would have thought...

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1862.737

Well, it just has to do with the way the jet stream is passing over us, and the jet stream pushes the moisture down south instead of up here. So don't ask me. I'm not a weatherman, but I think I can predict the weather better than some of the weathermen, if I'm being honest. A week ago, we were going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today.

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Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1881.442

Now we're not even going to get any snow, but the kids are still home, and Chrissy and Christine aren't here. So Astrid and I doing an episode here in the studio. It's convenient for us to just – Walk down the hallway and do an episode. So there you go. All right. So TikTok ban. TikTok ban went into effect on Sunday.

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1897.208

On Monday afternoon, Donald Trump signed an executive order basically giving TikTok more time. I think he gave them 90 days to figure out whatever it is they need to figure out. I don't know if they need to be sold or change the way they're doing things.

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1909.556

Apparently, the deal was that they needed to sell it to... An American owner.

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1913.638

Yeah, to a U.S.-based corporation.

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1915.359

And there are many... Wait, now they'll sell it to...

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

1919.062

Yeah, they're going to sell it to Elon. Well, I don't think that should happen. I mean, I don't want to go down a big political rabbit hole, but it's clear to me that Elon has lost his marbles. And I don't know if any of these funds that could afford to fund Elon to buy it would actually take the risk on Elon buying it.

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1939.78

Because if Elon did to TikTok what he did to Twitter, he will devalue it overnight and it will just be another shit show. Lots of other platforms like Blue Sky and Threads, they're really getting a ton more traffic because people have realized that when you build your world on someone else's platform, the rug can get pulled any day. Now, Threads and Blue Sky are somebody else's platform too.

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1963.923

But being a content creator is really tough. And a lot of these TikTokers rightfully... had the holy shit scared out of them because their only source of revenue was turned off for a day. And what was scary was the thought that that could happen forever. So I really feel for a lot of these creators.

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1982.437

Apparently TikTok paid like... Good money, too.

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1986.96

TikTok pays, I think, the best of it. I mean, Instagram just started paying. What, about a year ago they just started paying? YouTube is a joke.

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1994.727

I don't know because we don't have enough followers to know.

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1997.049

Yeah, we don't have enough followers. I'm going to go there in a second, and I know where your head is at. But YouTube is a joke. You have to get millions and millions of views, and you have to be on the safe side of the content. The content that we produce, it's just not favored by the algorithm, and I don't know that it ever will be.

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200.325

Yes and no. No, there's no yes and no about it. Our fans say best to you when they text in.

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2016.927

And we'd have to have millions and millions of viewers just to make any kind of living. So the RSS feed for us, where you're listening to us on whatever player, is really... an opportunity for a creator to kind of own their world. It doesn't matter if one of these platforms goes away because you can listen to us on 150 other platforms. And I like that about the RSS feed. It's decentralized.

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2041.049

I own it. And in partnership with my network, I get this produced and out to you whenever I want to, however I want to. And if I want to turn Spotify off, I can turn Spotify off. I don't like what they're doing. I just turn it off, right? If I don't like what Apple's doing, I just turn it off. Now, I wouldn't do that because those are the places where y'all are listening to us.

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205.39

I tell best to you to everyone I talk to on email and on text messages or Instagram. But what I mean is... Since Chrissy's not here today, like, I don't want it to sound like I'm just copying what Chrissy says.

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2059.344

But these content creators, they're really putting their lives in the owners of TikTok's hands. And if it goes away, what do they do? Well, I mean, it's like being on one-legged table. If the leg gets kicked out from under you, the table's going to fall and everything on it's going to go with it.

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2077.46

That's why, like in the last years, I've seen more and more of people... I remember when Instagram started. Back in the day, back in my day, when Instagram started. No, that was in college. And, you know, the people who were kind of already famous gained a lot of followers quickly. And then, of course, the whole platform started growing more and more with celebrities and...

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2114.698

content creators and whatnot but then people I remember at least in Venezuela it started happening to famous you know radio artists actresses and actors that they would get hacked and all of the sudden they had a platform with you know 200,000 people, half a million people, and it went away because somebody hacked it.

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2140.178

And they couldn't figure a way to get those accounts back, so they had to start, like... Start all over again. Again with an account from zero. And then eventually I started seeing all these, you know, like, social media experts, marketing, you know, accounts that you follow to kind of, like, grow your, you know, your Instagram account.

The Commercial Break

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2159.563

And the one thing they would say, it's like, you need to convert... those Instagram followers in whatever it is that actually – and that's why people are always like, sign up to my newsletter. Well, yeah.

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

2174.048

The word is that get what's called first-person data. Get an email address. Get a physical address. Get a phone number. Get them over to your website where they can get involved in the club. You remember we had the break room for 35 seconds.

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2188.814

Or if you sell something, just convert them into your own ecosystem. Because the second that platform goes away for whatever reason, then it's like what's happening with TikTok. All these content creators just basically built a career on there in the last couple of years or since the pandemic. And one day it was off and they were all...

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

2216.334

Yeah, they're all scared shitless, and it's really understandable, and I think there's a valuable lesson here, and that's that the tech billionaires, the tech oligarchs, they can at any time fuck around with whatever they want to fuck around with, and things change. There's a big to-do right now about... whether or not a podcast should have video.

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222.087

Fair enough. Fair enough. But as my wife and as the OGTCB, I mean, honestly, you are kind of the reason we're all here. So, fuck you. Thank you. And best to you. Best to you. There you go. I don't even know. Where do best to you start? I think I was talking to Chrissy about something or somebody said... Yeah, I don't know.

The Commercial Break

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2235.219

That's the huge conversation going on in podcasting right now.

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2238.46

Spotify putting videos up, and there's a lot of people in our industry, in the audio podcasting landscape, that don't want to play nice with Spotify in this push to get video on their platform because they don't believe that Spotify is going to treat those creators correctly, and that Spotify is just making a play to get Mr. Beast over, to get all of those big video...

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Get Astrid A New Mumu!

2259.908

content creators over to Spotify so that they can eat YouTube's lunch. Okay, you know, the commercial break is not going to make a difference either way, one way or the other, whether or not we put videos on Spotify or not. It's not going to materially affect us or the traffic on Spotify, whether or not we do.

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2277.843

But these content creators on TikTok, I mean, I hope, are learning a valuable lesson about diversifying where you're at. And here's the thing. When you're a content creator like we are and you're listening to our show and so many of you write in and you're very faithful to the show and you're loyal to the show and you love us and we love you and it's a great relationship that we have.

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2303.695

The one, and a lot of you ask, like, what's the one way that we can help? Like, how can we help? What can we do for the show? There's one thing that you can do for the show that's super important. And that is, I mean, under one umbrella, and that is engage with the show. Follow us on Instagram.

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2321.909

Follow us on YouTube, comment, subscribe, watch the shows when we put them on social media or on YouTube, because by engaging, you then allow us to go out and to place sponsorships into the show. We have made the decision not to do memberships and stuff like that. First of all, I'm not sure anybody would pay for this shitty show.

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2340.82

But second of all, it's just I'd rather do it for free and have a few sponsors in the show and make our living that way. But we do need your help with that. This whole thing with TikTok, I think, underlines the importance that if you like our show, if you like what we're doing, if you're engaged in the commercial break, engage with us in multiple ways. Subscribe, like, comment on the show.

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2364.976

Because that way, we're diversified.

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Get Astrid A New Mumu!

2367.457

We're not just on... Well, it helps us grow.

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

2371.3

It helps us grow, yeah.

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Get Astrid A New Mumu!

2372.301

Which means that it also helps us stay... you know, produce, like continue to produce a show.

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2378.396

We can't produce the show. Yeah, we can't produce a show unless we have sponsors. We can't have sponsors unless people are engaged in our show. Here's the other thing that Astrid pointed out that I think is really smart.

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2388.422

Is that if you really like our show, if you're like all of you who are texting me, like, you know, on a daily basis, some of you, if you really like the show, the biggest compliment, the biggest favor, the biggest financial and spiritual and emotional favor, you could do the commercial break. Share it with people. Share it with your friends. Share it with your family. Word of mouth.

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241.684

I don't remember either.

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2410.616

I know you're a little embarrassed that you listened to the commercial break. I'm a little embarrassed to create it. But, hey, we can all take our lumps and just share it. Share an episode with them. Share an episode with them.

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2419.58

You know, it really. It's something that I understand you don't think about like on your daily basis, but just one minute of your time to click the share an episode with somebody that maybe you heard something that reminded you of a friend or that you saw a family member that you think, you know, can relate to.

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242.725

I think someone wrote it in an email one time. Best to you. And I thought that was a very strange way to end an email. So I started saying it every episode of the commercial break. Anyway, Chrissy is not here today. Inclement weather in Georgia, which means it's farted cold wind for two seconds, has closed down the entire city.

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2443.852

If you saw a family member you don't like. Share the commercial break with them. Right. If you're dating some hot chick and you want her to break up with you, you want to ghost her, don't ghost her. Send her an episode of the commercial break.

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2455.361

Yeah, but that random action that may not really mean anything to you, for us, means a lot.

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2463.447

Yeah, and I tell you guys, two years ago, three years ago, you can ask Astrid. I would refuse to come on air and say something like this because I don't want to grovel at anybody's feet. If you like the show, you like the show. That's it. That was in my head for a long time.

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2480.993

But now I'm of the opinion that there's a community of us that are talking to each other and you're listening to the episodes and commenting on Spotify. Sorry it took me a year to get back to you. But there's a bunch of people out there who really do like the commercial break. And we like producing it. So if you want us to continue to produce it, you can do us a huge favor. Share the show.

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2500.561

Engage in the content. And communicate with us, too. We'd love to hear from you. And I think that's all the groveling I'm going to do for this week.

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Get Astrid A New Mumu!

2509.666

You don't need to eat.

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Get Astrid A New Mumu!

2511.229

Yeah, Blue needs to eat. Blue needs a new home. So if you like Blue, if you like the idea of a dog constantly barking and shitting all over your house, please text us. I'll be happy to ship her to you. DHL. None of that fancy FedEx shit. All right. Okay.

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2525.939

Speaking of TikTok creators, one of the things that was interesting that came out of this whole TikTok ban was TikTok creators who are extraordinarily popular on the platform believing that TikTok would go away forever. And really not wanting to, like, you know, I guess they figured the game was up, the gig was out, we aren't going to do this anymore. They would reveal their secrets.

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2547.208

Did you hear about this? So many TikTokers revealing that, in fact, they are full of fucking shit.

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

2553.149

What do you mean?

The Commercial Break

Get Astrid A New Mumu!

2554.009

So, I'll give you an example. There is a, and I have a couple of examples here, but there's one that I... There's a famous girl on TikTok.

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2563.032

They sat down and did videos saying, well, I was teaching you how to clean your house.

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2568.916

I was teaching you how to do makeup. I never liked the makeup. I taught you to do the 10-pump foundation. 10 pumps is way too much. I made all of these beautiful fruit-based ice cubes that you could put in your water. I've never used ice cubes. I don't like them. One girl who was famous for having a billionaire boyfriend.

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2592.194

She would create content about her and her billionaire boyfriend, but the boyfriend was never in the videos. The boyfriend was fake. He never existed. I mean, just like Charlie D'Amelio. Is that like that famous girl, Charlie? Whatever. Anyway, she was caught one time. with what people said was a vape because her fan base is so young. She said, it's not a vape.

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260.515

And for the sake of safety, we'll keep Christina and Chrissy out of the studio today. So my fine wife Astrid has shown up. A lot of Venezuelan-related content flowing through the commercial break lately.

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2616.775

It's an anxiety pen, a pen that you fiddle with for anxiety. She admitted it was, in fact, a vape. Like, so many people went on TikTok and just, like, admitted that they were full of fucking shit.

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2627.485

Yeah, but, I mean, I guess... That's good that they did that just so that people realize that what you see in social media, but honestly also at this point, don't we all agree that most of the things that... I just said this the other day. Even...

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influencers that i personally follow and somehow you know like respect in a way like i feel like their content is genuine and you know and i like them or i like what they share right no i don't know them personally so it could very well be just you know a show that they're just putting on for the camera but i understand also because how do they make a living like

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Because Instagram makes you this close when it's a partnership, like you're getting paid and they have to put like a hashtag on.

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Of course, this is a big deal that's happening right now in our industry.

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It's like, I get it. Like, I believe that... You know, I'm sure they like the product or especially if they're talking about products that I've seen they have been, you know, promoting for like years. It kind of makes sense, right? Like if you don't really like a product, I guess you're not going to promote it for five years.

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But at the same time, I'm also not oblivious to the fact that I'm sure like it's not like that product is, you know. the God of the, whatever it is that you're promoting. It's like, okay, you know, you have to take it all with.

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There's a, yeah. So if someone is, I mean, I think everybody understands that if someone is promoting something, they're getting paid to do so. They're not going to say negative things about it. Right. Period. End of sentence.

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Well, just like in your life. A lot of Venezuelan content.

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I see a lot of content creators out there that will literally promote whatever the fuck is thrown their way, regardless of, I think regardless of whether they feel it's a good product or not, we kind of take the stance here that, you know,

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2750.669

we are likely to use it if we promote it it's something that we would use it's something that we do use it's something that we like that's just because i don't want to fuck over the the listeners there's so many things that we get like requests for will you do this will you do that and we say no because i wouldn't use it in the first place so i'm not going to do it i'm not even talking about the promoting these people are not talking about promotions they're talking about

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I mean, it's only fair that Venezuela is represented in some fair way here on the commercial break. It is a big part of my life. It is a big part of my life. And it is probably 5,000 of the 6,000 Instagram followers we have are from Venezuela. Well, that's about true, yeah. Yeah, we got to feed them some Venezuelan content on occasion. Gustavo was here on a special episode on Saturday.

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their content in general was full of fucking shit. I just said this about that girl, Bobby Althoff. I said her name was Althoff. It's Althoff. I'm sorry. Whatever. However you say her last name. She, you know, so many people are like, oh, Bobby's fake. She's fake. She's fake.

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It's all a thing that she's doing for the camera, this kind of disinterested, you know, flat tone that she has with these interviews she's doing. What did you expect? Did you expect that everybody who turns on a camera is going to be 100% organic? There's like something a little bit showman-y about wanting to be on camera.

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There's going to be a little twist in your personality or voice when the cameras go on. That's just the way that it is.

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Yeah, but like, for example, talking specifically about this girl, you say that she used to share, you know, content about her billionaire boyfriend and, you know, I'm sure all the private plane trips and all that. Okay. It's just like people who all that they share is the pretty, you know... The pretty way they decorated their living room or how they redid their bedroom. Wonderful.

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And I'm sure that's how it looks after you clean up and organize. Right.

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you know, cleaned the scene and all of that to take the picture and post it on Instagram.

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Of course.

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But that's what people forget. It's like, you think everything in their lives looks like that?

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No. I think there's a lesson here. Even when you, like the listener, or we, go to take a picture of our kids, of ourselves, or we're taking a video or whatever... We clean up behind us. We look for the best spot. We look for the best view behind us.

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And you pose the picture. You feel like you look the best.

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Of course. There is always a bit of, I guess, like... Appearance. Like you want to... It's non-organic. It's non-authentic because you are making sure that it's the best angle because that's how you want to present yourself to the world. It's just like most people don't go out of the house in... you know, wearing just underwear with holes in it or shit stains.

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They don't do that because they want to present themselves to the world in the best possible light. Now, that doesn't always happen. That doesn't include everybody in the world, but there's a certain amount of showmanship that goes into just being a human being. Now,

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Making up a billionaire out of whole cloth and trying to convince everybody and their mother that you have a billionaire boyfriend, that's a little Andy Kaufman-esque. And what I mean by that is now you're just putting on a whole show forever. Now you're creating a character out of whole cloth. There's nothing organic about it. I don't know if I agree or disagree.

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I don't really give a shit if I'm following somebody and they're creating content that's entertaining to me. Well, maybe it really doesn't matter at the end of the day because I'm not paying them to do that.

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I do... I agree with what you just said. And also, those people, the problem is, again, yes, if you have followers and they enjoy your content, go ahead, you know, to each their own, whatever. But

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I like that also then becomes part of the problem of the problem that social media has actually increased, you know, mental illnesses, insecurities in people because you go there and it's like, you know, oh, everyone's house is perfect. Everyone like for some people that has become a true.

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Absolutely.

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I personally actually don't.

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last year I unfollowed a couple accounts that I used to love because I came to the conclusion that it's like well if this is really their life the wonderful that's not how my life is and just because it was kind of like bothering me that it was so perfect you were jealousy watching and not jealousy but also like comparing like wow my life is not you know that put together all the time and

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One day I realized, I was like, no, I mean, I'm sure theirs is not either. They're just showing the pretty picture. So I just decided, you know what?

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Who won the game, by the way? I totally didn't. I watched the beginning.

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I'm not. But I think we've gotten to the point, I would like to think, at least a lot of us, in the collective consciousness. That we inherently understand that no one's life is that perfect. No scene is always that pretty. No relationship is that perfect. Even when you have an airplane, private airplane, your life still sucks in some way, shape, or form. Money doesn't solve all problems.

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3046.684

Vacations don't solve all problems. And no one, and I mean no one, Mormon moms... cooks fucking chocolate cake in a goddamn $3,000 dress. Fuck you!

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Honestly, I don't know.

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Fuck that.

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307.747

We should Google that. We should see who won the Venezuelan-USA game.

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3077.814

If all the dresses and the outfits in my closet were $3,000 then I guess... You would make chocolate cake in $3,000 dresses?

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No.

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But since they're not even the... $50 dress. I go change to my pajamas.

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I love you in your $50 Moo Moo from Walmart. It's my favorite. I love you regardless of what you wear.

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You're the worst.

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I know, I am the worst.

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You put out a special episode.

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for the Venezuela-USA game, and I don't even know. Venezuela-USA. Let's see here. Venezuela-USA. USA 3, Venezuela 1 on January 18, 2025. So there you go. USA did by 2. That's 3 to 1. I found that to be a weird game in the sense that it was in a very small stadium. It wasn't at Hard Rock like I assumed that it was going to be. Very small stadium.

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You know, the TikTok reveal that killed me was Jojo Siwa. You know, Jojo Siwa.

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What is the obsession you have with Jojo Siwa?

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I don't know. There's something like there's something weirdly interesting about Jojo Siwa and all of her machinations. I don't know. I got fascinated by that dance she did in the video. You know, she's like a child star that's now like every other child star.

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Okay. No, I'm explaining to the audience. Like she's breaking away from this child star persona that she has and now she's like hyper-sexualized. You know, like all the female child stars have to do according to the Hollywood rules of sexualization, I guess. I'm not sure. No, but think about it. But hold on.

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But one of the things that she was doing was running around doing all these performances and like drinking out of a Tito's or a Fireball bottle, like drinking straight alcohol. And people were like, holy shit, like she would take six, seven slugs out of it. Well, she admitted, at least on one occasion, that that Tito's was not in fact Tito's vodka. It was just water.

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3269.88

And so that's good for her health. But I was really disappointed by that because I thought, well, she's... breaking away from her youthful appearance and also then getting highly intoxicated on stage. But it's just fake. So fuck JoJo Siwa and her fake T-dotes. So let's talk about Donald Trump for a minute. So here we are, day three of the Donald Trump presidency.

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Not going to get into all the politics because that's for a different time, for a different show. For a different podcast.

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Different podcast.

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Yeah. But I will say this, is that the grand grift is on. Donald Trump and Melania Trump have both within hours. Actually, Donald did it beforehand. Melania did it afterwards. Within hours of the inauguration. put out these meme coins, these alt coins, you know, Bitcoin-like electronic currency. A meme coin is basically this.

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Cryptocurrency.

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A cryptocurrency that has no value whatsoever. They just make it. based on a meme, like a personality or something out there on the internet. And there are tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of meme coins. And they are well known.

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3343.786

Are they based on the Donald Trump memes?

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3345.867

They are based on the Donald Trump memes.

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3347.628

Because those I personally love.

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3349.209

Well, this one is just based on him, Donald Trump. He created his own. And at one point, the Donald Trump meme coin had a valuation of... of $85 billion hours after the inauguration. Do you know how much Target, the corporation, is worth? $62 billion. The Donald Trump meme coin was worth more momentarily than the Target corporation was, Target being an S&P 500 company.

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Melania then announced her coin hours after the inauguration, and guess what happened? The Donald Trump coin lost half of its value, and then the Melania Trump coin shot up in value. In other words, everybody's trying to rug pull everybody else. Everybody's trying to be the last sucker in the pot, essentially. The last frog in the pot, so to speak.

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3402.719

Should we launch a TCB coin?

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3405.121

I have thought about this. This is exactly what we were talking about with the Hawk Tua girl. Remember the Hawk coin that is now probably going to get her landed in jail? Yeah. What in the fuck is going on? Why are we all just grifting each other at this point?

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Why is everybody allowing people at the top to just absorb massive amounts of wealth while everybody else gets stuck with the Trump coin or the Melania coin or the hot to a coin or whatever coin, the Pepe coin. It doesn't matter. Nate, you name it. These, they have no intrinsic value whatsoever except to make other people rich. And those other people will not be me.

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343.661

Yeah, because it's not part of any, like, big league but it's the first international you would think that down in florida yeah no but those games are you clearly don't know much about okay miss soccer bbc tell me all about it Well, those games are to classify. For the World Cup.

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It will not be you because we are the suckers who are giving the money. It's fucking insane to me. We need a TCB coin immediately, if not sooner. Why don't we have a TCB coin?

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3450.073

Well, we can call it the possum coin.

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3452.694

Possum coin. That's it. I like that. Possum coin. It's just crazy to me. And then, so, like, there was this guy who was doing the, you know, when Donald was getting sworn in, he was doing the, he was the preacher. The preacher giving some kind of speech. Yeah.

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3470.799

That preacher got off the dais of giving that speech, walked into the back of wherever the fuck they were, the rotunda or whatever, walked into the back and immediately started recording himself. He put out his own meme coin minutes after he gave. Like some, you know, I don't know, eulogy or whatever the fuck he was talking about. Some, you know, passionate, the Lord loves us.

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3494.317

The Lord loves Donald Trump. The Lord will save us. All this shit. He walks right into the back. He starts filming himself. And now he's got a meme coin also. He's also grifting everybody. I'm sure he did. Because what happens?

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3506.782

Should we jump in the train?

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3508.283

I think we... Don't we have to at this point? Isn't this the only thing that's going to save the commercial break is a meme coin that can get grifted? How many people listened to the commercial break? I don't know. A couple hundred thousand people? A couple hundred thousand people bought a meme coin?

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3521.333

I thought it was ten people.

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3524.056

Well, in my mind, it's a couple hundred thousand people. I like to pretend that we're bigger than we are. I like to pretend, just like meme coin people like to pretend that they're actually making money. It's fucking insane to me, babe. It's insane. Everything is for sale. Everyone is for sale. Everyone's a sucker.

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3540.847

It's insane to me that you were reading about all of this. That's what's insane.

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3545.971

Why is it insane that I was reading about this?

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3548.413

I personally find it so boring.

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3549.854

I didn't. I actually watched a video on it by this guy named CoffeeZilla.

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3553.416

Because also, you know, I am hooked with that show that I'm watching.

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3557.417

How did we go from Trump to your show? How did we go from Trump being going to your show? I knew you were going to try and fit this in somewhere. What is this show? Okay, tell us about the show. No, tell us about the show. Now we're going to talk about the show.

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3569.74

Well, it's a Spanish show, like from Spain.

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3572.341

Okay. And it's in Spanish.

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3574.542

Yeah, of course.

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3575.202

Yeah.

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3575.862

Yeah, it's just a period.

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3577.183

It's Bridgerton for Spain. Yeah, it's Bridgerton.

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3580.424

Well, yeah, it's like a Bridgerton.

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3583.366

What is it about? Did Gustavo recommend this to you? Yes. Is Gustavo recommending romantic period pieces to you?

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3591.029

No, because even though it has romance, it's mainly suspense. There's a mystery in the family. Romance is actually not the main part of it.

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3605.521

Romance is not the main part of it.

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3607.783

No.

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3608.164

It's a drama.

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3609.044

Yeah.

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3609.345

It's suspense. It's a thriller. What are we suspended about? What is the drama?

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3615.631

Babe, three seasons. Each season has 28 episodes.

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3620.175

Jesus Christ. This is on Netflix?

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3622.357

No.

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3622.817

What is it on?

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3624.199

Bix. Bix? On Amazon Prime.

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3627.342

Bix?

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3627.842

B-I-X? Bix. V-I-X? Yes. VIXX. Like the vapor rubber? That's like the platform for all the Hispanic shows.

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3637.505

Okay. All right. 28 episodes. Hour-long episodes?

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3641.846

Yeah, and by the way, this also is a show from 2011. Oh, okay. But since it is a period piece, you actually don't notice.

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365.835

So even though, yeah, of course, you know, soccer fans and watch them, but they don't, they're not a spot, like people don't, feel so inclined, I guess, to, like, pay for a ticket to go see the... Meaning, like, they're not that big of a deal.

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3652.751

Yeah, I guess that's the good news is you can watch it anytime. I just don't get it. I can't get into those period pieces.

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But it's really good, I have to say.

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3660.096

All right, fair enough. I'll let you watch it.

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3661.697

Actually, I think you would like it. I think you would get hooked into the story, but you would have to watch it with subtitles. It's not translated.

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3673.255

Well, I will tell you something. Here's a little knowledge about Brian and Astrid. Back when we had our first child, or maybe you were pregnant with our first child, there was a show on... What was that show on? What's that? Univision? Yeah. On Univision.

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3690.564

Your first telenovela.

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3692.605

And what was the name of it? Something de muerte?

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3697.227

Yeah. I forgot.

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3699.588

I forgot what it was called too, but it was on every night. I was totally hooked. It was on every night, four nights a week.

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3706.812

Five nights a week.

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3707.813

I thought it was four nights a week, Monday through Thursday. It was on Monday through Thursday at eight o'clock and I was absolutely hooked. And the show was about a father of a rich, like he owned a company and he died and he came back as another person. He like inhibited somebody else's body and came back as another person. And, This show made no sense whatsoever.

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It was like loose ends everywhere. And I was absolutely hooked on this show. It was only in Spanish, only Spanish subtitles. And so we had to watch it very painstakingly slow so that Brian could pause and read what was in Spanish and try and understand it. I loved that telenovela. I really did. We haven't found one since that's all that good. We tried to watch a couple of others.

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3750.069

Well, I don't think you've really given it a try.

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3752.071

No, it took up a lot of my time, and now we have so many children. I don't know how I would ever... Right. How am I supposed to read that much Spanish?

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3759.839

And instead, you like to watch videos about people climbing the Everest.

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3766.446

Aster likes to go to the Everest. Aster's going to go to the Everest and climb it.

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3770.871

Or about...

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3772.472

The meme coin, the Donald Trump meme coin. I'm sorry. It just got me hot under my collar. I just couldn't believe that so many people are jumping in on this when they know they're going to get fucked. How? You know what's coming down the track. I mean, listen, it's a Ponzi scheme. And the people who get in early and the people who sell quickly, they will probably make some money.

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3792.19

There are suckers that always come in behind you, right? But at the end of the day, when it has no value and it can't be used anywhere and there's nothing to be done except to try and make a little bit of cash in the transaction, you're giving all the fees to someone who's already incredibly wealthy with all of the power in the world. And then you're also giving money to his cronies.

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3813.621

who essentially hold a lot of this meme coin. By the way, this is not just Donald Trump. There are so many people out there that are doing this. There was a guy who started the official Cuba meme coin on Monday, the day of the inauguration. He started the official Cuba meme coin. And people thought it was actually Cuba putting out a meme coin.

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And that guy got filthy fucking rich while the rest of the people are left holding the bag. There's no value in it. You can't make money unless you're so fucking quick. And it just drives me crazy. I feel bad for people who don't know any better. And they're like, you know, dump $50,000 of their hard-earned money in this shit. And they lose $49,000 of it because...

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They don't inherently understand how dumb this really is. It's just a grift. It's just a way to suck up a bunch of other people's cash. And it makes me sad, Astrid. It makes me sad. Maduro would be proud. That's all I got to say. All right. All right. Well, thank you for coming in with me today. I certainly appreciate it. Thanks for having me. My beautiful wife, Astrid, here in the studio.

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I know. It's a classification game. There are many of them.

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Hopefully tomorrow we'll be back with Chrissy and Christina. But if not, this one will show back up because she's contractually obligated to do so. You are the official some. Because you're close and you can walk down the hallway and come in the studio. It's either you or some of the kids. I don't think we want the kids on the episode. Yes, she's wonderful. All right, you heard us.

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We're groveling today on the episode. Please do us a favor. Don't let us fall at the hands of the fate of the TikTok or the Everest or the Instagram or whatever it is. Do us a favor. Subscribe to the show. Engage with the content. Share it with a friend. And that way we can keep doing these episodes for another 700 episodes, which is like only a year's worth of it.

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If you lose one... If it was, like, last year at Copa America, well, that would be... Sure. Then you're...

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I think we're doing like 280 of these episodes a year. It's a lot. When we get to 1,000, I'm going to feel pretty accomplished, actually. There's not a lot of podcasts out there that have 1,000 episodes. I think there's only like 600. And people who get to 3,000 episodes, I think there's only a few. Joe Rogan. Is this Joe Rogan? I think he's on 3,000. Anyway, go to the website, tcbpodcast.com.

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That's where you get more information about the show, about Chrissy and I, all the audio, all the video right there from one location, tcbpodcast.com. Plus, this one will be happy to send you some TCB schwag. Go to the Contact Us button. Drop-down menu says, I want my free sticker. Send us your physical address, and we'll send it off to you. I promise we will.

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Also, if you would, do us that favor, youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak.com. Go ahead and subscribe, like, comment on your favorite video. All the episodes are there on that YouTube channel. Usually the same day that they air here, right? Usually the same day. Usually the same day that they air.

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I also understand as the stakes get higher, I guess the interest gets larger. But being down in Fort Lauderdale, so many Venezuelans living down there. It's kind of like a mini Venezuela down there in between Miami and Fort Lauderdale. You would think that they could fill a relatively small stadium.

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If not, then follow. If it's not available, yeah.

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Yeah, it depends. Sometimes it's a day off, but it's close enough. Listen to it here and then go watch it there. You know how to do it. We'll certainly appreciate it. Also, at the commercial break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on the newly renewed TikTok. It's back and we still only have 100 followers. So please do go ahead and follow us on TikTok. That's such a miserable site.

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Actually, if you are going to choose, follow us on Instagram and subscribe to our YouTube channel.

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Absolutely. Instagram at The Commercial Break. YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break. Those are the two places we would love to see you. Also, please do text us. 212-433-3822. 212-433-3TCB. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. You have something you think would be interesting on the show, we'd love to hear from you. You want to be on the show? You want to call in on the show?

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Yeah, that's something we're going to do also. So all of those things, I would really appreciate it. We love you, we love you, we love you, and I love you.

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I love you.

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Best to you.

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And best to you.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Astro and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye. Since you're new to H&R Block, we'll look at your returns from the last three years for any money your last guy might have missed for free.

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I mean, I would assume there was no more than 5,000 seats in that little stadium, whatever it was called.

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No, I'm sure they can fill it up. But again, I don't think... Now, I mean, and I talk for the Venezuelans. Every time La Vino Tinto, which is how we call our team, plays, especially in the last, yeah, I would say decade. You know, the whole country turns and in support. And, you know, we we have a like a slogan that it's basically we have faith.

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And it's because we've never actually made it to the World Cup. But it's been a big dream of the whole country.

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The day we make it to the World Cup. Because I was explaining this to you last week. Our national sport is baseball. So that's what the country has always been big on. Baseball players. Well, baseball in general. But so soccer, it's almost like a newer sport. Right. But the younger generations, like my brother, they're soccer fans.

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In my house, even though we did watch baseball and I also grew up, we also have our teams and our local teams and just like here. Yeah. I would say my house was more of a soccer house than a baseball house.

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But let me ask this, because this is counterintuitive to me. You're down in South America, where soccer is huge.

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I mean, obviously, it's like... But that's a misconception, though. It is huge.

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But is it?

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But it's not huge... It's huge in Brazil, of course. It's huge in Argentina. Yeah, but Colombia also, like Venezuela, if you look at historically, it's not like they've been into... Colombia has grown as a team and has made some bigger accomplishments in the last decade.

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OK, but follow me just for a second here. I don't I don't. OK, maybe it's a misconception. I don't live down there and I don't want to claim to speak for the people that live down there. But hold on. Then Venezuela is mainly or largely Spaniards from Spanish descent.

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Well, first of all, if you want to have Venezuelan content, you got to let me speak on top of you.

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Yeah, I don't want... That's the one thing that drives me crazy about Venezuelans. This is a good topic to talk about, because it's the one thing that drives me up a fucking wall about being in a room full of Venezuelans, is that no one finishes a sentence, ever finishes a sentence, because someone's not talking on top of them. How do you manage to accomplish to get anything through to anybody?

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I don't know. Our brains work that way. Your brains work in absences.

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We can multitask. Okay. All right. So go ahead. Talk over me.

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Listen, I'm no soccer expert. And if any Hispanic soccer expert listens, I'm probably saying half of what I'm saying. It's not true.

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That goes along with the theme of the commercial break. Don't worry about it. We got you covered.

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But what I believe is... Soccer is not like a big thing in all of the Latin countries. It is for sure a thing in Europe. Yes. Which includes a Hispanic country like Spain. Right. Where it's very big. Yes. But... And yes, Venezuela was built mainly by Spaniards, Italians...

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The natives, right? Got it. Portuguese, right?

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And all those countries are big in soccer. However, like, I mean, I don't really know the historic facts, but our sports, like the native, I guess, the native sport or something, somehow it's baseball. And actually, and that comes also because we're a country that it's, even though it's inland in the continent, right? It's part of the Caribbean. And baseball, it's a Caribbean sport.

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I got it. I totally understand. I'm following your flow here. And I also do know that Venezuela has contributed a lot to American professional baseball. Some of the best baseball players are Venezuelans.

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Dominican Republic, Caribbean, big on baseball.

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I think half the Atlanta Braves were Venezuelan at one point. I really do.

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Yeah, we have exported. That is true. We have exported a lot of baseball players to the major leagues here, which the country has always been very proud about. But soccer is not one of those. I would say the big countries that have...

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in my opinion humble opinion have led the soccer uh culture in in the in the continent have have been brazil like i said argentina uh uruguay and mexico mexico is big in soccer too um But other than that, I think the other countries we've kind of like follow. Chile has a good team. Yeah. But I'm not sure if that has been.

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So now we've named most of the countries down in South America.

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Then if you think I named all the countries. You don't know geography.

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I do know geography. Okay.

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I named four.

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So I guess the point is, is that USA beat Venezuela. I don't think that's any big surprise there. I also understand.

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How dare you?

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I really don't think it's a big surprise. And even... And I think... Right. Well, it's not that you guys have the best team in the world. No, no, no, no, no. America has... Even though, I mean, America is relatively new to the sport of soccer. Also, we had like when I was a kid, everybody played soccer. Everybody. I was part of the first wave of children playing soccer.

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And now the chickens have come home to roost, even though I've kind of a I'm not of the age where I would be playing professional soccer. I'm a little too old for that. But now we've had a couple of generations of children that have played soccer. And now it's an incredibly popular sport here in the United States. It is dwarfed.

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by basketball football and other sports but people get excited now about the sport of soccer it took us a long time to catch on but now here we are and i would say that you know the reason why it's so popular is because parents don't mind their children playing soccer soccer is not a sport i personally and don't take offense with this but i'd rather have my kid play soccer all day long

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than football just based on the injury, the potential injury. And then, of course, we can go down the rabbit hole about things. I personally actually don't even understand football, so there's nothing for me to say there.

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Well, speaking of football, last night, as we're recording this last night, Ohio State beat Notre Dame in the first college football bracketed playoff. And they played here in Atlanta. Here in Atlanta in the Mercedes-Benz Stadium. Yeah, they played in the Mercedes-Benz Stadium. Man, I feel for those people who had to walk just from their car.

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Here in Atlanta, I was just emailing with somebody at our network, Odyssey, and they are up north. I think they're in Pennsylvania. And I was saying that it's very cold down here. But then I looked. It's 20 degrees here. Feels like zero in Atlanta. Yeah. But up north, like in the upper peninsula of Michigan, it feels like minus 45 degrees. Feels like minus 45 degrees.

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And our city's shut down.

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I know. Our city's completely shut down. No one's going to school.

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And over there, kids are in school.

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People are working. Five feet of snow. They just do it. But I mean, the old adage is they're better prepared for winter weather than we are. Fair enough. But, I mean, you know, the kids are home from school today, and it really makes me a little bit upset because there is no real threat of snow, like any kind of winter weather.

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Right, that's what I was going to say. I mean, again, I know nothing about cold weather or snow, but it's not snowing. Like, okay.

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No.

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What I thought was like, well, I guess I'll rub the kids with a bunch of layers.

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But they don't want the kids out in the cold. I think this is because some kids have to wait for transportation to school and standing out for a bus in feels like zero degree weather. That's serious. Like you can get frostbite doing that.

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But then since we don't typically experience this kind of cold weather, the thought is those children are less prepared than if you live in Detroit or Chicago, wherever.

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If you're a parent, you just have gloves and ski masks. I don't know. You have a bunch of shit ready for those kids to go. Ski masks. To rob a bank or, you know, stand outside for the bus. Yeah, you have snow boots and crampons to get to school. Yeah, skis. Those little walking shoes. The snow walking shoes. Sleds. Sleds. All that shit. So here we are.

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The only thing we have, it's like sand buckets for when we go to the beach.

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Yeah, I'm just not interested in cold weather. I mean, thank God you and I are on this same page.

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Well, and you were born in Chicago.

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To me, it's like actual torture. No, it's torture for me too. I was instantly cured of my cold weather, my thick blood the second that I moved down here. I took to it really well. I dislike the cold with a passion. I went to go take the trash out last night, and I don't know what it is, 19 degrees, 18 degrees outside. Babe, it's like a different kind of cold.

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It doesn't feel good to me at all whatsoever. And now I'm going down.

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So, excuse me, I don't know if something's coming up, like I'm getting something right in time for the TCB's Endless Day or what's going on here.

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I don't know what it is, but I'm not feeling 100%. I'm not feeling 100% in case you can't even hear it in my voice. I'm sure you can, but I'm not feeling 100%. Stress will do that to you, by the way. Stress will wear you down. Yes, it will.

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Friday was Tom Papa. Just in case you don't know, TCB's Endless Day, which is on Saturday the 31st, sponsored by 5-Hour Energy. Much thanks to 5-Hour Energy because if they weren't involved, we might have canceled it a long time ago. We might just not show up. But so we are recording the six celebrity interviews ahead of time so that we don't have trouble coordinating all of that on the day of.

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oh yeah cats and kittens welcome back to the commercial break i'm brian green this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show chris joy holy best to you chris best to you out there in the podcast universe thanks for joining us just a few moments away chrissy from the tcbs endless day sponsored by five hour energy in which we put out 12 episodes in a 24 hour period and hope amongst hope that we don't ourselves end up in a mental institution that's correct

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And then Chrissy and I will be doing six or seven hours worth of live recordings here inside of the studio and putting them out as soon as they're done. So that's like the minutiae of how this is all going to go down. But so we recorded Tom Papa the other day in preparation for the for the endless day.

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And during that conversation, it came up that Tom was going to be in Atlanta and he generously offered to give us tickets. So Chrissy couldn't go because she was going to be at Smoke Slam. But, you know, it's just like when Ari did this to us, when Ari was like, hey, I'll get you tickets. Don't worry about it. Just hit me up. And I was like directly texting with Ari.

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That made me a little bit nervous because. You know, when you have a friend and you're like, hey, can you get an extra ticket to the Pearl Jam show? That's one thing. But when you're texting Pearl Jam, hey, can I have an extra ticket to your Pearl Jam show? That's a whole different thing altogether. It just feels like you're taking money out of their pocket, first of all.

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And second of all, you're not sure where the line is. So for Ari, I was like, yeah, can I get 30 tickets? Can I get 30 tickets? Everybody and their mother wants to go. But he was very generous, too. Now, luckily, this time, I just decided, let's cut all the mustard. If Astrid can go with me, why don't I just ask Astrid to come with me? And it would just make it like a date night type of thing.

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Yeah. And so we reached out to Tom almost as soon as the interview was done. We reached out to his people. And he and his people generously were like, yes, of course, go to the box office and go get some tickets. So he also was at the tabernacle. Yeah. just like Ari, Tom's first time at the Tabernacle, big room. See, it's like, I think 2000, 1800, 2000, something like that.

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It's a big room to see comedy in. It's a big venue in general. It's an old fucking church. I mean, it's a weird venue, beautiful, but it's a weird venue and it's a weird space to hold comedy in. Martin Luther King spoke inside of the Tabernacle At some point. Oh, my gosh. Someone's dying inside of my house. In case you didn't know, it's summer. So you'll be hearing my children.

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Kids are out. You'll be hearing my children for the next three months. Congratulations to you. You're the winner. So Astrid and I, you know, we grab a babysitter, head on down to the tabernacle. The crowd was interesting. There were like children in the crowd. And I don't say like children, like, you know, six or seven year olds. Let's say 13 to 18 year olds.

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There were children, looked like they were with their parents.

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And then there were lots of what I would say older parents, it seemed like, older couples that were in the crowd. So kind of, you know, Tom's not a spring chicken. I don't know how old he is, but he's older than I am. And, you know, he's got some experience. He's got some experience. He's been there. And it seems like a lot of people in the crowd had been there, had had some experience also.

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So this was a very interesting mix for a comedy crowd. This is just interesting. We're trying to do an episode of the commercial break while my entire house says no. No, you can't do an episode of the commercial break.

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Yeah, what's that? Silence? What? We would not make good monks in this house. No. So we show up at the venue. Tickets are awaiting us. And we sat down to watch Tom. And Tom did something very smart, I think, for the crowd. And the reason why I point out the age of the crowd is not to knock Tom's crowd. He almost sold out, I think, the Tabernacle, which is a great accomplishment. Yeah.

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But the crowd was older, right? I'm not talking like 60s, 70s. I'm talking like 40s, 50s. Clearly, right? What he did that was smart is that the ticket said showtime 7.30. 7.31, the opening act comes on. The opening act knocks out 15 quick minutes. I forgot the name of the opening act. It knocks out 15 quick minutes. And without missing a beat, Tom is right on the stage directly after him.

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So by 7.45... Tom is on stage making note that it's already late for most of the people in the crowd. That, you know, we should have started this at five if the traffic was OK. You know, next time I'll come to your house.

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Chrissy, I have to tell you what I'm not going to repeat his jokes. He's just too good at what he does. Tom Papa is a master of his craft. Yes, he is. And he had the crowd working. He had the crowd worked up in a way that I have rarely seen. Chris Rock, Tom Papa. Two people who worked the crowd. And I don't mean like crowd work. Yes, he did some of that crowd interaction.

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But I have a plan. I've got a plan. And if we stick to the plan, it's less likely that we'll go to the mental institution. So there you go. And I did offer you a hotel room. You said no. I thought, hey, Chrissy, why would you want to stay here? Why would you want to be subjected to all of this bullshit when you can just take a break from time to time and run over to a luxurious suite?

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He used some people in the audience in his act. He asked them what they did. He asked them why they were there. He asked them if they were married. And then he used that to bounce his... You could see his own material. He used those... crowd interactions to further his one hour, right?

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So he playfully and beautifully intertwined this kind of back and forth with the audience and got us worked up into such a fucking tizzy that I was crying, like ugly crying, laughing at Tom for like 15 minutes. He went on one string of jokes, one string, one story. And I just was bawling. It was so fucking funny.

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He was talking about his wife and how women, as they get older, they end up doing a bunch of good in society while men just turn into one big testicle, like one big ugly testicle. And their ears still grow and you get hair in the wrong places. I mean, he knocked it out of the fucking park. And I've never heard so much laughter in my entire life.

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And I don't say this because he gave me free tickets. I would have been complimentary.

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Yes.

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His style is to – his style is almost commercial breakage. It's to cut away to something else and then come back to the thing. Now, we don't always come back to the thing, but cut away, come back to the thing. Move over here, come back to the thing.

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Actually, I think he was – he's deadpan when he's with us in a conversation, but he was much more animated than I expected him to be. Yeah. If you get a chance to go see Tom Papa.

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Do it all. Do all the Tom Papa you can. Everybody needs a little more Tom Papa in his life. He jabbed at, you know, Musk and Trump, but he didn't take it. You know, he knew the crowd. He didn't take it too far. And at the end, he just basically said, don't be cruel. Do whatever you want to believe, whatever you want to just don't be cruel. Right.

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And I thought that that was a beautiful sentiment to which everybody kind of rose in applause. Right. That was a good one. Go do all the Tom Papa that you can. You must. Before you die on this earth, you must consume as much Tom Papa as possible. He was really fucking good. He was great with us here. He's been great with us both times we've spoken to him. He was fantastic.

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And then afterwards, he took the time to sit and sign... Every person who wanted to, book, T-shirt, ticket stub, whatever it is that they brought. He went downstairs in the tabernacle and he stood there and met and greeted everybody who wanted to. No surcharge. Nothing. I mean, you could buy merch if you wanted to, I suppose. Did you say hello? No, I didn't because I didn't have time for all that.

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Plus... Yeah, absolutely. Having a conversation with myself as Astrid was like, what do you want to do? What do you want to do? I mean, are you going to do it or are you not going to do it? If you want to do it. And I'm like, should I do it? I guess I should go. Is that kind of douchey move? Like, hey, thanks for the free, you know, you know, hey, I just spent two hours. But now I got more.

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I need more of your time. I didn't know. And does he want to talk to me? Like. Is he looking for Brian Greene? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, is Tom Papa?

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Yeah, is Brian in the audience? Well, that's the ultimate dream is that I was on this podcast, the commercial break. Here, let me pull it up on the big screen right now and we'll get everybody to follow. That's like the dream, right? But, you know, we're not there yet. Or we may never be there. We'll probably never be there. Am I enriching Tom Papa's life in any way by going to say hello? No. Why?

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At the Hampton Inn.

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Because I just said hello to you last night. I don't need to say hello to you. It's one of those things.

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So I bailed on the saying hello. And Tom, if you're listening, it's not because I don't love you. It's because really I'm neurotic and I didn't know what the fuck to do. I felt like I was in this purgatory of go or don't go.

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Yeah, and in all circumstances, when I'm in that purgatory, I end up going because that's the right thing. Because I'm too afraid to make the other choice. But that... One of the best nights of comedy I have ever enjoyed live was with Tom Papa. And I've seen some really good comedy, as you can imagine. We do go see a lot. We do see quite a bit of live comedy, have seen quite a bit of live comedy.

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And we certainly watch a lot of live comedy, given the nature of the commercial break. And Tom Papa is up there with Chris Rock, no doubt about it. But that makes sense because they're all kind of in the same circle. Like, you know, Rock and Seinfeld and Tom Papa, they're all friends. I mean, they all do these things together. So anyway, Tom Papa, great. Go see him if you get a chance. I love it.

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If he's within 100 miles of you, you got to make the effort to go. And the tickets... Even though we got a pair of tickets, I was still willing to pay from the only $31, $32, $33. That's affordable. For Tom Papa, I felt like that was good. I mean, unless you want to sit right in front where you're clearly going to get picked on by Tom. Those are like $150.

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You know those people pay $150 for the privilege of being made fun of by Tom. You know what I'm saying? One poor couple just got it.

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Some people, I think, relish in the opportunity to be called out. They want that moment because they'll never have it. They don't have a commercial break. That's their moment. But it's a double-edged sword because there was one couple in the crowd and... And Tom was asking them what if they had dogs to which they said, yes, we have three. What kind of dogs are there?

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Oh, well, we have a schnitzel doodle, you know? Oh, okay. A schnitzel doodle. Yeah, I have one of those small little shithead dogs, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Tom goes on a rant about his dogs, you know? Oh, what is the other dog? It's a, it's a shit fiend or something. We call him a shit fiend. It's a mix between a shih tzu and a fiendle doodle. And he's like a shit fiend.

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We're fine. We're fine. Seven tops. Seven hours of recording.

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And he looks at the guy and he goes, this was a lady talking with a couple. And he goes, I bet you didn't walk around at the beginning of your life like in your 20s saying to yourself, when I get older, what I really want is a shit fiend running around my house. And then he asked them what time they got up today. He asked one guy on the other side, what time did you get up today?

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You know, I got up early. What time is early? 7 o'clock. You know, to which people were like, oh, that's kind of early, not early. He's like, yeah, that's early. That's early. 7 o'clock is early. You know, if you don't have kids, that's early. He goes back to the couple. What time did you two get up with your shit fiends? You know, 10 o'clock. And everyone was like, oh, wow.

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You know, that's not early. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He goes, you got up at 10 o'clock. What do you do? What? And she goes, we own businesses. He goes, oh, you own businesses. How many businesses do you own? Two. Oh, congratulations on the two businesses. So I guess you don't have to open the shop till noon. Yeah, you don't have to run them. You don't have to open the shop till noon.

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Yeah, no, I get that. You don't want to do it anymore. You just don't want to do it. I do get that. I do understand that. That's got to be. How was the barbecue fest?

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And she goes, we pay other people to do that. That's what we pay other people for. And everybody in the crowd is like, oh. And Tom goes, I think some of them are here tonight. I just couldn't help myself. I was like, ugly laughing. I thought it was so funny. They got their balls busted. He did a great job. Anyway, I loved Tom Papa. And then the... Then we went to the zoo. Oh, my God.

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Yeah, you're away every weekend. What are you talking about?

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We do. We did. What? We did. Well, technically, it was the same day. But anyway, they have this program through the library, which now is being cut because, of course, it is. Yeah. Where you go there and you check out a certain amount of books, you get access to a number of free tickets for things around town. The zoo, the aquarium, the science museum, Six Flags, Whitewater. That's so nice.

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And if it's one single ticket that allows up to five people to go into whatever you're doing... But it has to be available and you have to be able to go physically get it off the shelf. And so as you can imagine, it's in high demand. They only have like one or two of these per thing, per place that you can go. We've done this a lot.

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And Astrid is good because you can check online and see if it's there, see if it's not there. We live like a block away from the library. So Astrid will like get in the car in her underwear and run down there. You know, so she did for the zoo because they, of course, are cutting that program. That's all I got to say. They're cutting that program, which is a beautiful, wonderful program.

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And Six Flags Whitewater, okay, I get it. Go pay for your own. But going to the zoo, it's like a cool thing to do with your children. Not everybody can afford it, including us. So we got the zoo thing. And that's why we decided to go down there is because we had it. It was available. We had some help. Gustavo was in town.

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So we get down to the zoo, but we only have two and a half hours because another one of my children is in school. We need to pick them up. We only have two and a half hours. So it's a really quick run through the zoo, right? We're going to hit this animal, hit that animal, do this animal, whatever. So one of my girls is like, What's that girl's name? Binky Irwin? Is it Binky Irwin?

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What's her name? Binky Irwin. Binky Irwin. Bindi Irwin?

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Is it Bindi? I think it's Bindi Irwin.

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Yes. She's an Irwin kid. She loves anything about animals. It doesn't matter what animal it is. She loves everything about animals. She loves looking at them, seeing them, watching them, anything. Okay. But the other kid is at the age where she's not entirely sure. She loves our dog and will ride it, try and ride it around the house. But everything else could be scary or it could not be scary.

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And?

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Sure he did.

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It's that age. That's the age that they're at. They're forming their ideas and opinions about the world around them. And so we get to the zoo and I'm not sure what's going to go on. And it starts off good because you start easy at the Atlanta Zoo. You go to Flamingo's.

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It's a great zoo. It's a great zoo. Is it the best zoo? No. Is it the biggest zoo? Not by any stretch of the imagination, but it's well kept and it's a nice zoo. And they got a nice little mix of animals. You start off easy with the flamingos. Flamingos. Nothing scary about that. They're flamingos. Well, we're there with the flamingos and you can feed them. Right.

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And so we get the food and we throw it and, you know, OK, everything's good. You know, I like flamingo. And okay, great. You like flamingo. Wonderful. Let's go. It's animal bite. Animal bite me. Bite me, daddy. Animal bite me. No, the animal's not going to bite you. They're back behind the wall. Don't worry about it. Next thing you see, black rhinoceroses. Black rhinoceroses. Rhinoroses.

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Of all the songs I've created now, which is like 102, Jackie Beans has got to be the most glowing of the songs because I don't say a bad word about Jackie Beans.

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The rhinos. The rhinos. The black rhinos, which are hunking, huge, stinky fucking animals. They're dinosaurs is what they are. They literally are dinosaurs.

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And there's like four of them standing out there doing whatever they're doing, eating food mainly. And my daughter, who I'm holding in my arms, is kind of like, Daddy, bite. Daddy, bite. Big. Daddy, big. Grande. Daddy, big. Grande. Yeah, it's big. Grande. Okay. Listen, it's not going to bite you. You see that thing right there? It's keeping them back and us out. We're not going in.

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You're not going in. They're not coming out. Don't worry about it. Okay. So we turn the corner to go get a better look at the rhinos, like another spot where you can get a look at the rhinos. You can look down on them. They're in a mud pile. It's a very warm day, and there's a big mud pile, big sloppy wet mud pile, and they're rolling around.

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Yeah. And cleans them off and keeps the bugs away and whatever the fuck nature is doing, it's doing.

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But man, is there a smell. I mean, of course, it's the zoo.

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You know the zoo smell. Oh, yeah. Everyone's been to the zoo. You've smelled the zoo smell. Well, these rhinos, these two rhinos just twisting and turning in the mud. And it's fascinating because you never get to see this. And now I'm seeing it like five feet in front of me. And I'm like, wow, those things are big. I can't believe they can do that. That's great. That's wonderful.

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And my daughter is finally like calming down to the idea that they're there. We're here. Nothing's going to happen at all. And she goes, daddy, water, water, grossies, mud. And I'm like, yeah, they pour some water in there and they make mud for the rhinos. That's how they do it. They probably take a hose and they put it in there. And my other daughter has many more words.

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She's like, oh, they take a hose. And I'm like, yeah, they probably take a fire hose and splash it down every morning to get it. That's how they get that mud there. And the two rhinos stand up, they back their butts up to the fence and they unload the A literal fire hose of pee. And it goes on, not for seconds, for minutes. This pee is just flooding out of both of them at the same time.

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They had to go. They had to go. And they were going. Well, my daughter's screaming pee-pee-poo-poo. The other daughter is like, I think that's how they make the mud, Daddy. And now I'm thinking to myself, that is how they make the mud, actually. That's pretty smart. This is how they make the mud. My daughter's like, grossy pee-pee-poo-poo. And I'm like, ah, it's part of nature.

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I can see. Yeah, of course. I can see why. I mean, he follows around a pretty mysterious and cool dude himself. Right. Doesn't follow him around. They work together.

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And then one of them shits, and I'm like, oh, my God. This is not like the Walt Disney movies. This is not all that slappy, happy shit. This is disgusting. I mean, Chrissy, it was insane, the amount of pee and poop that was just flying out of these rhinoceroses. And my poor daughter. So I'm like, okay.

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Giddy up. Let's go. Let's move on to the next one, which are elephants. Elephants. And giraffes and elephants and giraffes at the Atlanta Zoo are a special thing because they have what's called no barrier. What do you call them? Exhibits. No barrier exhibits, which is a little bit misleading because there are barriers, but they're like a string, an electrified wire, like four of them.

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From 15 feet high to all the way to the ground, just four slinky little wires. But they're electrified, so those elephants aren't going anywhere. And the giraffes, I don't think anybody's afraid of the giraffes. Like, what are the giraffes going to do? You know what I'm saying? They don't want them to get out, but they can stick their head right down in and grab you with their tongue.

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You can do the feeding.

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I forgot about that. And we did do the feeding. We did. And I got some pictures. And it went about exactly as how you would have expected. Let's talk about that when we get back.

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And so he works with this guy who is legendary in and of himself in so many different ways. And he lives a life that not many people live with, you know, airplanes and cars. Jackie Beans. I mean, there's just like a lot of things that that kind of life can afford you. Hard earned, well earned, but still, nonetheless, that's a life.

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So we turned the corner. We're back. So we turned the corner. Some guy wrote in and he was like, And by the way, do you remember Will the Champ? Of course. Will the Champ, longtime listener. Not sure that he listens anymore. I think he went through something. And anyway, we wish Will the best.

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They had an eating contest and he was a professional eater. That's what he did. Some of you might remember if you've been listening. I mean, I don't think we've talked to Will since season three. Yeah, it's been a minute. So it's been almost two years. But he's a great guy. Big fan of the show. Yeah.

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wrote us a couple songs helped us out with some stuff he was a good guy and i i believe i'm not going to get into it whatever anyway i think he went through something i think he's okay but i think he had to take a break so but anyway um will the champ what's he going to say about will the champ Will the Champ would say to us, why do you cut off the bye at the end? He's like, I hate it. I hate it.

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I hate it. I hate it. Meanwhile, there's lots of people who have said it's kind of a signature of the show. I don't know why I cut off the bye. At the beginning, I think I did it on accident.

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But some people say when I'm coming back from break, it sounds like we're just picking up the conversation midway. And I went back. I don't think so. But anyway, we're back. Here we are. So I turn the corner and we go up to the elephants. And I don't know what... I guess we went at the right time of the day because all the animals are active, except for the lions, of course. They're never active.

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You never see the lions doing anything. The lions are always lazy assholes just sitting there. You can never get a good shot. And they're always like, you can see their tail like flapping.

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And there's 30 people straining to see the one tail that you can see. Don't go for the lions. That's basically what I'm saying. So we turn the corner. The elephants are active. They are walking around. Looks like they had some food. You know, they're playing with their trunks. They are right up against the fence. One of them is this big male, right?

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And he starts sticking his trunk in between the no barrier fence and sniffing. Oh. My daughter. Yeah. And he's staring at her. I can see he's staring at her. You can see sentient life in an elephant's eyeballs. Oh, yeah. It is communicating with you. It knows you're alive. It knows it's alive. It probably has opinions on politics and baseball. That thing is... It's unbelievable.

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Elephants are unbelievable creatures. And all you got to do is look in one of their eyes to understand that. Look them in the eye. And if you have the unbelievable experience of having them look back at you in the eye, it's quite human. It's like you feel like you're looking at another human being. But it's not looking at me because I'm an asshole and there's no saving me. It's all over for me.

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And then you, so I think like, by default, you're already a legend, but then to be such a cool human being, you move up into some kind of...

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It's looking at my daughter and it's sniffing her like it's taking its trunk and sniffing her. And I'm like, oh, my God, what a wonderful moment that my daughter is having. And she looks at me and you know what she says? Daddy, I need a knack. I need a knack. And I go, no, no, no. The elephant, the elephant. And she goes, I don't care about elephant. I need a knack.

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These are the things that you realize when you're a parent. All these poignant moments that you see in movies and you read about and there's a funny Facebook story. It's all bullshit. It's all made up. Because kids ruin everything. They ruin every moment. They just have a way of doing that. They don't think like we do. They don't think it's poignant. They don't think it's interesting. She's...

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She barely has hair on her head and can speak a full sentence, let alone understand that that elephant might be sentient. If that had happened to me, I'd probably be crying at my age. Do you know what I'm saying?

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Oh, my God. So, okay. So, it's snack time. Let's get a snack. And then we roll them. We have this, like, wagon. We roll them up, the elephants. My older daughter is like, I want to feed them. the giraffe because it's giraffe feeding time. We just happened to get there at the right time.

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It's like four bucks and you get a couple pieces of lettuce and you hand it to the giraffe who will stick its neck down and its incredibly long tongue and grab it from you.

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Yeah, they're very long. They're long and they're strong. How do I know this? It took a serious satellite radio out of my car one time. That's right. I know it. So, but no hard feelings with the giraffes. I don't have anything against the giraffe community. I just want to go give my daughter a little special experience.

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And so I'm like, Astrid's like, well, why don't you go and you can go with the girls? And I'm like, let's not waste, this one's not, you know, she's not going to want to do this. I mean, you know, she doesn't understand. She doesn't even really want to be that close to, I go, do you want to feed the giraffe? Yes. Are you sure you want to feed the giraffe? Yes. Okay. You're not going to be scared.

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Yeah, like some stratospheric, universal, cool dude status.

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No. You're okay with that thing coming right at your head. Yes. I'm like, okay, let's go. Up and at them. Everybody in. So we go, we pay for a couple of feedings. My older daughter goes with Gustavo. It's a beautiful moment. She feeds the giraffe. By the way, the giraffe's head and tongue are shaking. The giraffe is just as nervous of us as we are of it.

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And I'm not really that nervous about a giraffe. It doesn't even have teeth. What's it going to do? You know what I'm saying? Like, I mean, I guess it could bite you, but I guess it could if it wanted to do some damage with its tongue. But I'm not that threatened by a giraffe. It just doesn't feel threatening to me.

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But you can see its tongue is shaking. It's nervous, right? It's scared. So it grabs out of the older daughter's hand. Okay, I'm standing, I'm holding my younger daughter and I'm like, okay, you ready? We're going to do this. We're going to hand that piece of lettuce up to that giraffe. Are you okay to do this? Yes. Are you sure? Yep. That's her new word. Yep. She's like, yep.

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And I just wish I had more Jackie Beans in my life.

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And I'm like, you're not scared. Nope. And I'm like, okay, here we go. We walk up. The guy hands us the piece of lettuce. She puts it in her hand. She hands it to me. And I was like, no, you feed it to them. And she's like, no. And I was like, you don't want to feed the giraffe? And she's like, no. And I go, is it okay if I feed the giraffe? No.

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And I'm like, well, now I got this piece of lettuce in my hand. I got to feed the giraffe. So I walk up to the giraffe to give it the piece of lettuce. Daughter in my other arm. And here's my daughter. The giraffe's tongue is going like this because now she's making this noise and the giraffe doesn't know what to make of it.

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I wish I had an airplane, quite frankly. I wish I had an airplane that I could sell and take the money and use it for something good. Like, you know, school for my children or food for the house or something like that. What was the best barbecue you tasted?

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Meanwhile, I'm in the middle of the two of them with a piece of lettuce here. And the giraffe like wraps its tongue around my hand. It's like... And then the guy goes, you want to try again? And I'm like, I don't think so. And my daughter grabs the piece of lettuce out of his hand. And I'm like, you want to feed him? Yep. And I'm like, okay, feed him. Nope. And he hands it to me.

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And I'm like, what are you doing? What are we doing here? Meanwhile, Astrid's yelling, take a picture. Take a picture. Turn so I can take a picture. And I'm like, take a picture. I'm just trying to get my arm not pulled off by a giraffe. I'm in the middle of a fight between the daughter and Gerard the giraffe here. I don't know what to do. What do you want me to do? It's my daughter.

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I hand the giraffe the food. And then you can have a moment where you can just kind of line up next to the giraffe and take a picture. Well, we sure did get a picture. We got a picture of one of my daughters going, That's why the rest of us have a shit-eating grin on our face. Never do the extras. The extras are always never worth it. It's never worth it. Just look at the giraffe from afar.

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I mean, listen, is it a moment? Yeah, it's a moment. Is it like, are you communicating or connecting with the giraffe? Not really. You hand it a piece of lettuce. It grabs it with its incredibly long tongue. And then that's it. You take a picture with, you know, I don't know what the giraffe's name was. Bob? I'm not sure. I don't know. But the giraffe, they sure are fucking cute.

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We saw the gorillas. We went and saw the reptilians. The gorillas were having fun. They had a little baby gorilla.

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They were kind of hiding in and out of like the shady places, but they had a baby gorilla. And the baby gorilla was like begging the mom, like, you know, tugging on the mom. And the mom was kind of pushing it away. Like, I don't want this. And to the point where eventually the male gorilla started walking over. I think he wanted to get involved and lay down some discipline.

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And that baby gorilla ran as fast as it could and went and hid behind a tree. It was like, oh, here comes dad. Gustavo was doing the whole thing, like having the whole conversation, like doing voices.

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He's like, Mommy, I want your tit. I'm hungry. And the papa was like, No, those are my tits. And then the very next day, there was a little play place here in Atlanta that had this guy, Dr. – Yeah, Dr. Doolittle, basically. Exactly. Dr. Doolittle, who has a house full of animals, brings those animals for parties. He used to be a zoologist here in Atlanta, like at the zoo.

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And he brings those animals around for parties and shows and stuff. And then you can pet them and, you know, hang out with them. He brought an array of animals like I've never seen. These all live at his house. A turtle that's probably getting close to 100 years old, like a huge turtle. A bearded dragon.

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A stick insect, like one that's that long that looks like a stick that was crawling up his arm. Some of them you could touch, some of them you couldn't. Madagascar hissing cockroaches he brought. And I overcame a fear and I touched the hissing cockroach. By the way, the Madagascar hissing cockroach has... There are 4,500 different types of cockroaches.

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They can't have all been good.

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It's one that is the cleanest type of cockroach, by the way. The dirtiest are the palmetto bugs that we get. The most amount of germs, most amount of disease. Gross. Fucking gross. Okay. So it's me and my older daughter, one of my older daughters, and we're there and she's petting all the animals. She just loves it. Same daughter who was in love with the animals. Petting all the animals.

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She loves it. We're having so much fun. Daddy-daughter day. And then he brings out the coup de grace. A hedgehog. A fucking hedgehog this guy had. A baby hedgehog. Three years old, two, three years old, something like that. This thing was the cutest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Feels exactly like you would think it would.

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It's not exactly, you know, you don't want to cuddle with it at night. Right, right. But it is the cutest fucking thing. And this thing was like Mr. Personality. It was like doing a show for everybody. It was like doing a little dance and you could pet him and he's like... And I thought, this is the best thing ever.

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This guy, it's a house of horrors over there because he's breeding Madagascar roaches and stick figures and all kind of different shit. But, you know, hey, listen, he's doing something cool for the rest of us. He's letting us get close to these animals.

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Okay.

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Yes, he had a snake. He had a dragon, like an iguana dragon. Not one of the dangerous kind, but this thing was like... I don't know, three and a half feet long. It was big. He had frogs. He had toads. He had all kinds of shit and he would take it out. And if you could pet it, if it wasn't dangerous, then he'd let you pet it. It was awesome. And I'm like, this is great. We have a great day.

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We go in the play place. We play for a little while. As we're leaving, I see this guy is packing up. He is packing up in a 1998 Ford Explorer that has not one window on it. Not one window. Every single window in the Ford Explorer is busted out. Every one of them, including the windshield. It's like, yes, there's no paint on it. It's like, it's got no paint on it.

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That's what I thought. I thought. If I'm convincing my wife to allow me to keep thousands of animals inside of our house, I'm probably also not going to be also getting a convertible BMW. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. She's saying, you find the shittiest fucking car you can, and you put that car on blast because that's the only car you're ever going to be allowed to have. And you know what?

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Fair enough.

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It was a good weekend here at the greenhouse.

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The whole shebang.

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He was so good, Chrissy. I just can't give him enough praise. I mean... I mean, I know I tend to overload our guests, but I got to say this was like genuinely one of my favorite comedy shows. I wish I could do it all over again. I wish I could have the same experience again. This one I'll remember for a long time. And I'll mainly remember because I was like crying.

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Astrid was looking over at me like I was a child. She was like, are you okay? I'm like, this is funny. She found it also to be very funny. But I think... Sometimes stuff gets lost in translation culturally, so I don't think she 100% understood every single thing. Plus, there are times when Tom can talk real fast, and so I think some of the stuff flew by her. But you know what? Go see Tom Papa.

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Go see Tom Papa. All right. TCB's Endless Day, sponsored by 5-Hour Energy. Our good partners at 5-Hour Energy. It's going to be on May 31, starting at 10 a.m. in the morning. Set your alarms, kids. Set your alarms. Mark it on the calendar. Clear the schedule.

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Chrissy and I are going to be here for at least 12 hours that day, pumping out brand-new content, celebrating five years of the commercial break, over 750 episodes. 30 downloads. We've done it all, kids. What else can we check off the list? I don't know. You tell me. I guess 12 episodes in one day. That's what we can do. Tom Papa, Tig Notaro, Reggie Watts, and others joining us. Ricky Lindholm.

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So many others will be joining us on that day. You can call in if you want to. You want to talk to us? We'll need the help. We'll need content, so call in. 212-433- 3TCB, 212-433-3822. Text us. Tell us you want to be a part of the show, and we'll communicate back how and when you can do that, when we'll be recording, when you can call in. It'll be a great day. We'll all join in the fun.

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Add The Commercial Break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break. for every single episode the same day they air here on the audio feed. Also, TCB Podcast, all the comings and goings, more about the endless day, and your free sticker. Okay, Chrissy. That's a mouthful. I guess that's all I can do for now. I think so. I'll tell you that I love you.

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And I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye. Goodbye.

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So they have pitmasters, essentially, that come in and they do the cook. And then of those 75 teams, not everybody enters the contest. Is that right?

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Oh, okay.

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They're just feeding the public.

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Yeah.

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Okay, gotcha. I would think that as a part of that whole organization, you might be one of the judges or something. Yes, you. Why wouldn't you jump in?

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I mean, I just imagine like a Top Chef situation where you're like the guest judge or something. You know, Chrissy Hoadley from the commercial break.

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That's what I'd do. I'd angle to be the judge. I'd want to be judging food and harshly, too. I'd want to be like, this is too salty. I don't know. What is this? A salt lick? Is this for a horse? I'm not sure. I mean, I've been watching way too much Top Chef, I think.

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Three months. For three months, I've gone from season nine to season 22 in three months. And I just love that show. I think it is a brilliantly, it is the classiest reality show in television history, my opinion, no doubt about it. And it's so well done. It is. Even if you don't know shit from... This is coming from a guy who eats cream and cereal. It's not like I have super taste buds.

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And I don't know half the terms that they're using, but I feel like I'm a food expert after watching an episode of Top Shop.

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Sure. I don't... I think I don't... I don't... These people seem to have extraordinarily refined palates. It's like the acidity cuts through the saltiness and the fat melts with the yams and the yams and the clams and the bad... And...

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Yeah. And I'm like, can I get an extra piece of American cheese on my cheeseburger? I don't have that kind of palate. I just don't. But, you know, yeah, there is a science to it. And people seem to have very refined palates and they can taste things inside of other things. I could never do that. I'm not one to be able to pick out. Things on top of things. But I just love the show. It is fantastic.

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I could see this show going on forever, quite frankly, just swapping out judges. I mean, when Tom leaves, if Tom leaves, that'll be a big hit to the show. I mean, a big knock to the show. But I also thought that about Padma, and the new hostess is pretty good in and of herself. I still miss Padma, but not as much. Like, I think had someone else been in that slot, I wouldn't have missed it.

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So in case you don't know, in Top Chef, Padma Lakshmi was the host, along with Tom Colicchio, for...

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20 uh or 19 of the first 20 seasons padma actually was not a judge for one of the seasons but um and then she decided to bow out after season 20 and now they have a new hostess and tom is like a very celebrated chef he's like one of the world's best chefs he's a very celebrated chef and everyone wants to impress him the thing that makes top chef different is that unlike

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American Idol or any of these other shows where you get good and you get bad but none of them are particularly accomplished they're all just people off the street I mean some of them have like you know followings on social media or maybe they've made a record here or a record there but none of them have achieved any kind of they're amateurs but that's a good way to put it they're amateurs.

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And so you get terrible, terrible people singing and you get wonderful, wonderful people singing. It's a roll of the dice. And they focus on that terrible as a big part of the first whatever, you know, five episodes of the season. Top Chef made the smart call from the beginning that we are not going to take any – this is not an amateur cooking competition – We want the best of the best.

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And even though the first few seasons, because it was new, I don't think they got the best of the best. I think they got up and coming chefs, but they were still very talented. Well, now it's just like these are James Beard Award winners. You know, they work at three star Michelin restaurants. These are like superstar chefs that are walking in the door cooking this kind of food.

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And all I can say is I would die for one afternoon in the Top Chef kitchen to, like, have them cook me something, and I still don't think I would be able to taste the yams through the clams. I don't think so. But I think I could say, well, that tastes good, or that doesn't taste good. They use a lot of... bones and oxtail and chicken gizzards and guinea fowl and stuff like that.

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Yeah. That part, I could pass on that part. But if they made it taste good, maybe.

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I've had oxtail. Yeah. It's not my favorite thing in the world.

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No, it was okay. It wasn't my favorite thing in the world, but if, like, in a pinch, if you put a menu in front of me and you said, like... Onion salad. Onion salad. If you said like onion salad, live baby octopus or oxtail, I'd eat the oxtail. No doubt about it. If you said beef heart or oxtail, I'd go for the oxtail. If you said fowl or what is, what do they call that?

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There's a part of the chicken that is not typically used in the awful, the awful. That's what they call it. There's a part of the chicken that's not used. It's like the insides, the intestines, the guts, the weird parts. And they call it offal, the chicken offal. And I was watching Top Chef a couple of weeks ago, whatever season it was.

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And there were a couple of chefs that were using the offal to cook like a down-home Southern meal. And I was like, why would you ever want to put chicken intestines in anything that you put in your mouth? I mean, that's just to me, that's beyond the pale. But, you know, hey, listen. These are accomplished chefs and they can do wonderful things.

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I kind of darted in and out of the room for a second, having a conversation with myself as Astrid was like, what do you want to do? What do you want to do? I mean, are you going to do it or are you not going to do it? If you want to do it. And I'm like, should I do it? I guess I should go. Is that kind of douchey move?

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They can work magic with just a few simple ingredients, Chrissy. And so as a part of our relationship with your husband, I think we, you specifically, but maybe I can make it if I can find a babysitter, we should be judges on the next barbecue. Smokeslam. Smokeslam. I think that only makes sense.

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Do they give away awards?

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What is the award for like the best?

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What is the cash that's given for it?

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Yeah, $50,000. Wow, that is an incredible amount of cash for cooking some pig. Do you know what I'm saying? Wow, I'm in the wrong business. I am in the wrong fucking business.

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Yeah, I'm just... People do that.

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Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I had... There's a guy that was married to a stepsister of mine at one point, and he likened himself one of these, you know, pit master dudes. The barbecue was always terrible. But, you know, we we smiled and ate it. Humored him. Yeah, we humored him. He but that's what he wanted to do.

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He wanted to take a bunch of the money that she had earned because she was working and he wasn't that she had earned to buy a trailer and a hitch and go around. And he was going to be the next, you know, smasmic, phantasmic barbecue guy. And no one had the heart to tell him. It's kind of like American Idol. No one had the heart to tell him that you probably shouldn't do that.

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Luckily, they divorced before he spent their money on some barbecue hitch in a wagon. I'll never forget like. We all – it was Thanksgiving, and my dad and my stepmom had slaved over a turkey. And so we were all going to – oh, no, it wasn't. It was a turkey or it was a ham. I can't remember. In any case, it was something. They had slaved over it.

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Like, hey, thanks for the free, you know, you know, hey, I just spent two hours, but now I got more. I need more of your time. I didn't know. And does he want to talk to me? Like. Is he looking for Brian Green? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, is Tom Papa? Is Brian in the audience? Yeah, is Brian in the audience?

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Yeah, it was memorable. They had slaved over it and everybody and they said to everybody, we're cooking. We got it. No problem. Everything's on the table. Don't bring anything. Bring yourselves, you know, an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner. Yeah, of course. And that's how it goes. Right. Some people cook whatever. Anyway.

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So before I got there, there was a big to-do, a dust-up, if you will, because this guy who likened himself to Spasmic Fantasmic, the next barbecue pitmaster... He brought an entire barbecued pig or whatever it was. He brought it over after they had slaved to make Thanksgiving dinner. He brought it over thinking that everybody would like his better than they liked theirs.

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Like some douchey move of just you trying to steal the show, so to speak. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I thought it was rather – to me, it was rather rude. I thought to myself, that's not the right thing to do. If you want to bring your own barbecue, you should communicate that you want to bring your own barbecue. I mean, unless you have some kind of, like, food allergy or something like that.

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Like, I can't eat that food, so I'm bringing my own food. There's absolutely no reason to do that. And anyway, he brought it over, and we didn't get ended up tasting it, but that was all to our – we all were excited about that because we didn't like his food anyway. It was just not all that good. Hey, guess what I did this weekend? What? I went to go see Tom Papa.

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And I went to the zoo.

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And I went to the zoo. Yeah, you weren't there. And I did a daddy-daughter date where I got to see some reptiles and animals up close and touch them. It was a very interesting weekend for me. I mean, amongst a million other things that I was doing, that was one of the things that I got to do with my daughter. Those are some good highlights. I agree with you.

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I'll share them with you when we get back.

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Well, that's the ultimate dream is that I was on this podcast, the commercial break. Here, let me pull it up on the big screen right now and we'll get everybody to follow. That's like the dream.

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But I wanted to ask you if you had seen that over the weekend, I know we're now at Thursday, but over the weekend that Mika and Joe from Morning Joe had gone down to Mar-a-Lago and met with Trump, sat down with him for dinner. Really? Yes.

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But, you know, hey, listen.

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Yes, this is what we have to do for ourselves right now. I'm calling it self-care. Me too. I was talking to our friend Allison, and I was just saying, hey, listen, you know, and There's all this talk about CNN's ratings went down 50% day after election. MSNBC's ratings went down 50% after election.

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No one wants to see it.

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Everyone has to lick their wounds. And I don't think it's just the people who voted for Kamala Harris. I think everybody is kind of like, okay.

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done like okay well can we all just like get back to regularly scheduled programming now because it's really been a lot for the last 10 years and we can just let it go at least until january whatever it is we can all just like gotta let it go let it be and uh tune into 90 day fiance because that's where the action is that's where the real action is that's what the the most meaningful stuff is happening on tlc i swear to god

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It always has been. Brian's been right the entire time. It's a 90-day fiancé and now that fucking sister wives. Meanwhile, four divorces with the guy in the wheelchair. Cody's had four divorces in a day. In six months. This guy, Cody. And what is going on with that hair?

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Give it up, Cody. What are you trying to prove, dude? That hair. When you keep your hair like that, it really says something about your personality, doesn't it? Doesn't it? When you have like long curly locks and they're like flying off the back of your head and you're wearing some kind of headband half the time. Yeah, wispy and then your salt and pepper beard. It says something.

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He's so manicured. For a guy who has four wives. He's really manicured. He must spend a lot of time in the mirror. I got to be honest.

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Well, he doesn't have four wives anymore. He's only got one now.

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Yeah, and that's a red flag. By the way, if you meet Cody from Sister Wives and he's looking to buckle up with you, just know that there's red flags all over that place. I mean, when you want to have four wives at one time, at one time, that is definitely a red flag. For sure, without a doubt. And this show, the way it's played out, there are 20 seasons into this.

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And I could have told you season one. Now, I only really watched like... When it first came out, I watched a couple of episodes. Wasn't all that interested. Decided that this is just something like, you know, I don't know. This is some... Novelty. Wiki fan page for, you know, weird religions, essentially, right? And this is just TLC whitewashing a certain type of abuse, almost, right?

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After all that shit talking between two of them and then like supposedly someone in Trump's circle was threatening to have them arrested after the election because of all the lies they told on Morning Joe. And so now people are up in arms going, how could you possibly go and meet Trump after all the things that have been said and done after this? I'm taking the opposite look at this.

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And then you get into season four or five. I started watching another couple episodes when the women... Now TV stars are like, well, now they start realizing they're a wiki fan page for this certain type of bullshit. And they go, nope, not involved. So I like that part of it where they're like, okay, you know what? Corey's an asshole or Cody's an asshole and we're out of here.

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And so now since, I don't know, since whatever season, 20 seasons in, at least half of it has been the drama around these women extricating themselves from kind of this shitty situation. And Cody pissing and moaning that, oh me, poor me.

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oh me poor me dude oh you poor you when you were married to four women how did he do it and the kids he's got like 37 children i know and 112 grandchildren he's like trying to populate the world what was that show god there was my sperm high sperm count or something yeah yeah where those three guys were trying to populate the world with their sperm unbelievable so now all of these women who were married to this guy cody

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on season one most of them all all but one are now divorced that one is hanging on by like a piece of dental floss i mean she just likes him too and it just has become a show about how these women are getting independent getting their own lives moving on and how cody is still wondering what happened what happened what happened he's like that coach

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who gets a tar beat out of him in a football game, and he has like a three-hour-long press conference wondering what happened, reviewing every play, making excuses. That's what Sister Rises would become. But I've got to be honest, I like this version much better than I liked the beginning of it. All right, we've got more important things to talk about. We'll get to it. We'll be right back.

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While you're at it. Maybe shoot us a text at 212-433-3TCB or leave us a voicemail spilling your guts and asking for advice. You can also check out our website, tcbpodcast.com, if you feel like perusing our catalog or if you're just bored. Now let's listen to some sponsors because they keep me paid.

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And this is the only reason why I'm bringing this up. I think it's a good thing that you open up lines of communication right now. I don't think that anybody should be pandering to any particular thing.

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On this episode of The Commercial Break. That is a big drama going on. It is a big drama. It says the hairdresser, he was like attacking the hairdresser. He wears a wig. Exposing himself. Exposing himself. What is up with that? All these guys have to show their dicks.

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All right. And news from 2006. Perfect. Perfect. Right on time for the commercial break. The Miss Universe pageant was held over the weekend. And I saw some of it online, saw some of the clips online. I mean, are we, is this, are pageants a little bit outdated? Are we, I don't know. What do you think? You were in pageants, weren't you? Well, I did too when I was in high school. Yeah.

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What kind of pageants were they?

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Like local. Yeah. Miss.

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The school. Yeah. Miss Honeycrisp Apple or something. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Did you win? I did. Wow. Look at you. Fagin Queen right here with me on the commercial break. I feel honored, Chrissy, to be with Miss Honeycrisp.

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You are definitely a Honeycrisp in my eyes. You'll always be Miss Honeycrisp to me.

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You'll always be Miss Dew Drop Sunshine to me.

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politician on one side of the aisle uh to curry favor or to milk toast the uh real news facts are facts that's what it is but why is it a bad thing that there are open lines of communication between media that may not necessarily see eye to eye with the political candidate or president or whatever I don't think this is a bad thing. I think this is a good thing.

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I'm not saying they're outdated, and I'm not taking anything away from the women who work very, very hard to get up on stage and present themselves or represent their countries or regions or whatever it is. I don't want to take anything away from that. And I'm not saying that it's like... I don't hate it. I just, I don't watch it. I'm not interested in it.

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Like Miss USA and Miss Universe. It used to be in Miss America. It used to be a really big deal. Like everybody would watch it. But that was back in the 80s. And then I never was into it in the first place. It was never my thing. Like I didn't like it, which is surprising because I am very interested in the female form.

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But, you know, I can be interested in the female form and not be interested in all the parading and la-di-das and all that other stuff. Okay, but take it on face value. Here it is, the Miss Universe pageant. And a very lovely girl from, I think it's, she's Denmark. I think she's Danish. Yes. Victoria Thielvig of Denmark won the 73rd annual pageant on Saturday, beating out 120 other contestants.

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What? You're taking credit for that? Of course. You keyboard warriors in your basements with your mommies doing your laundry, you're taking credit for Miss Thielvig winning? Congratulations. It's so fucking silly. But the whole, like... I guess, issue that this corner of the internet had with Miss Universe is that they have allowed contestants.

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Last year, there was a married woman, multiple married women, which is typically not, there aren't a lot of married women. There was also transgender women, one of whom who placed in the top 20. I think there was a pregnant woman, if I'm not mistaken. Am I mistaken about that? I just want to make sure. Who cares? I get everything wrong. But...

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Yeah, I believe there was a pregnant woman last year in the competition. Now, that takes some balls to be pregnant and go up there on stage and parade around in various states of dress and undress. But... But Astrid gets excited about Miss Universe because Venezuela has typically done very well. That is true. And it's a source of pride for Venezuela that they're on an international stage.

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They get some credit for something because Venezuela often is the butt of jokes about a lot of different things because of their political drama that goes on down there.

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But they get very excited about Miss Universe and that Miss Venezuela oftentimes is doing very well in those competitions, if not winning. Yes, that's true. I think like six times in a row or six times in the last 20 years or something, Miss Venezuela has been Miss Universe. But I just don't get into it anymore. You know what else is back is the Victoria's Secret.

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And now. Miss Victoria's Secret or the Victoria's Secret fashion show was a cultural phenomenon when it first came out. And everybody, and I mean everybody, every supermodel, some people weren't supermodels. Now they have like influencers and stuff like that that walk and they still have supermodels. I get that. It's one big commercial. And it's of interest and sex sells.

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And so I almost understand that more than I understand Miss Universe. But OK, whatever. The things that we all used to gather around these big like marquee events, the MTV Music Awards, Victoria's Secret catalog of Victoria's Secret fashion show, Miss Universe, Miss America. What else am I? The Grammys, the VMAs, the CMAs. Yeah, for sure.

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And I think it's a new approach that may be needed that we've got to start talking to each other or none of this shit's ever going to get solved. And people are going to end up in civil war, quite frankly. And who fucking wants that? I cannot be inconvenienced with that right now. I have contractually obligated to put out episodes of the commercial break.

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The award shows, the Emmys, the Academy Awards, because I still think that holds some cachet. But all this other stuff, it seems to be kind of washed out in like the universe. Like, I used to think of the Grammys at like... I had to watch the Grammys and the VMAs. It was the two award shows of the year that I, because I love music so much, I just had to watch those things.

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And I felt like, wow, when you got a Grammy, that was a big fucking deal. If you won a VMA, it wasn't as big of a deal as getting a Grammy, but it was still a pretty big fucking deal. Now I don't think of any of these award shows, pageants, you know, fashion shows, whatever. I don't think of them as having the kind of cultural cachet that they used to.

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Besides a few Instagram clips of beautiful women walking down... the stage in lingerie. I didn't see anything about the Victoria's Secret fashion show. Did it even play on any of the networks? I don't know. Do you make it a point of watching any of these awards? I know the CMAs this week. Do you watch any of that stuff?

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Now not. No. Maybe we should. Maybe we should. Maybe we're just old and we're not paying attention to it.

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Well, I say all of this to bring up a point. The Grammys have released their nominations for 2024.

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Of course. Yes. It can mean millions of dollars in album sales or song sales overnight, essentially. So it's a big deal because you want... That, that nomination leads to a lot of additional recognition. Yes, of course. So I thought, let's go through some of the Grammy nominations. I want to ask, I want to know if you have heard of any of the, if you've heard any of these, right?

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Music is so disparate and so like. It's all channelized. Like, if you are not paying attention, where in the world do you hear this music besides maybe SiriusXM, which I think almost everybody has in their car now, but no one listens to the radio anymore. Do you listen to the radio anymore? There is no... There's no video music television anymore.

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Where does this stuff get pushed down besides TikTok videos, Instagram videos, and maybe like television shows? Spotify. Spotify. Ah, they have channels on Spotify. Does anybody have Pandora anymore? What happened to Pandora?

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And if there is a landmine in my front yard, then I won't be able to go to the grocery store and get milk. So leave it alone. All right. I like it. I'm all about it. I think it's a good thing. I agree, yeah. Maybe settle down some of the rhetoric on both sides would be not a bad thing whatsoever. Okay. That said, Matt Gaetz, we can all agree, is a terrible pick for the Department of Justice.

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Of course. I think Raphael still uses it, I think.

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SiriusXM bought it. Okay. So SiriusXM owns it. There you go. But Pandora used to be the jam. I mean, everybody was listening to Pandora. Sirius, Spotify, who had heard of that, right? Okay, here we go. Album of the year. You ready for this? Mm-hmm. Cowboy Carter by Beyonce. Yeah, of course. I've heard a few songs. New Blue Sun by Andre 3000, Carlos Ninos, and a couple other people.

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DeJesse Volume 4, Jacob Collier, Emily Lazar, Chris Allgood. Short and Sweet, Sabrina Carpenter, Jack Antonoff, Julia Michaels. The Tortured Poets Department, of course, is Taylor Swift, Jack Antonoff production. The Rise and Fall of the Midwest Princess by Chapel Roan. Brat, Charlie XEX. Hit Me Hard and Soft by Billie Eilish.

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I've heard of every one of those except for DeJesse Volume 4. I don't think I've actually heard that. So who's winning this? I think it's the year of Taylor Swift.

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I think it's been the year of Taylor Swift for a long time, for like 10 years. Yeah. And so I think that's it. Song of the year. Ready? Fortnite, Taylor Swift, Birds of a Feather, Billie Eilish, Not Like Us, Kendrick Lamar, Good Luck, Babe, Chapel Roan, Please, Please, Please by Sabrina Carpenter, A Bar Song by Shaboosie, Die With a Smile by Lady Gaga, and Texas Hold'em by Beyonce.

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I do think Not Like Us by Kendrick Lamar. had such a cultural impact at the time when he did those two concerts. It's such a cultural impact that I don't think that Kendrick can be ignored. I agree.

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She is. I think she deserves her due. I think Chapel Roan decided she's finally going to show up to concerts, too, which there you go.

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Oh, okay. Cura Bonne. Is it Kierkegaard? How do we decide? Kierkegaard?

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Kierkegaard. I love these guys too, man. They're so good. I love this band, man. They're so good. Hold on one second. We had this right. How do you spell it?

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K-H-R-U-G. K-H-R-U, Krogobin. How to say, please help me here.

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How to say, Krongbin. I think you're right. Let's hear it.

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Kroongbin. Crowing Ben. Crowing Ben. Okay, got it. Crowing Ben. Sabrina Carpenter, Shaboosie, Dutchie, Teddy Swims, Chapel Roan, Benson Boone, and Ray. I mean, I know who I would go for. I'm voting for Crowing Ben. Hands down. Crowing Ben. Yes. Crongen Ben. Crongen Ben. Crongen Ben. I think we got to find a nickname for these guys because they're so fucking good.

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We need to learn how to say their name correctly. They're not new either. No, no, no, no. They've been around for a while, but they are so fascinating. If you haven't seen Christina, maybe you can put a link to Spotify to their homepage. They are so fucking good and fascinating. You have to watch these people play live. It's unbelievable. And the music is hypnotizing. I've seen them live. Yeah.

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I mean, if you have been even a whiff that you were in an underage, drug-filled orgy. Yes. Then you should probably never, ever have your name and the head of the DOJ in the same sentence ever. Except unless the head of the DOJ put the handcuffs on you. That's it. I mean, period. End of sentence. There is no way this guy gets through. I can't imagine the Senate will appoint this guy.

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Okay, let's see. Pop vocal album. There you go. Eternal Sunshine by Ariana Grande. Short and Sweet, Sabrina Carpenter. The Tortured Poets Department, Taylor Swift. The Rise and Fall of the Midwest Princess. And Hit Me Hard and Soft by Billie Eilish. That's Chapel Roan, The Rise and Fall of the Midwest Princess. I say that Chapel Roan probably has to win one of these. Which category is that?

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Pop album.

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So that's my guess. Music video is Taylor Swift's Fortnite, Not Like Us, Kendrick Lamar, 360, Charli XCX, Houdini by Eminem, and Taylor Swift by ASAP Rocky. I don't know. I've only seen two of these.

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I've seen Houdini and Not Like Us by Kendrick Lamar. So I'm going to go Not Like Us by Kendrick Lamar. Rap song, Carnival Kanye West, Like That Kendrick Lamar, Not Like Us Kendrick Lamar, Asteroids by Rhapsody, and Yeah Glow by Little Ronnie.

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Yeah, Kendrick Lamar. That's right. Let's just keep going with that. Because, I don't know, I think Kanye... I think Kanye's just done himself such a disservice by trying to be so fucking controversial to stay, keep himself in the spotlight. And I get his game. I know what it's all about. Like, I don't actually think Kanye believes half the stuff he says. I think he says it because he knows.

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And he said this before because he can, right? You can either be a hero or, Like when you become a cultural zeitgeist, like a Taylor Swift or Kendrick Lamar or Kanye or whoever, the Kardashians, you can either be a hero, right? You can try and walk the straight and narrow. You can try and walk the clean path and do everything right.

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But eventually people will find fault with you and they will knock you down 10 pegs. And then they will wait for you to get back up because America loves a good hit them hard guy. knock them down, get back up again story. That's the story of America. It's in our blood. We love an underdog and we dislike and we take down people at the top. That's what we do.

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Check out what happened during the election. That's what we do, right? That's how we do it. That's what we do. Kanye, I think, has made a conscious... The other thing you can be is you can be a heel. And everybody fucking hates you until some people start to like you. And then some people like you because you're a heel. They like you because you go against... You swim against rising waters.

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We're an asshole from the beginning. And then some people say, yeah, that guy, because he's an asshole just like me. Right. It appeals to our darker side, to our worst senses. And I think Kanye has decided to be the heels like wrestling. You can either be Hulk Hogan or you can be Andre the Giant or you can be the whatever the Undertaker. I don't even know who these people are, but.

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You can be one of two things, right? But the hero eventually becomes the heel, but the heel can eventually become the hero. And I think in some cases, people love that story. They love the heel becoming the hero eventually. And I think Kanye knows that.

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I don't wish anybody ill. No. But at the same time, I just don't like what he's selling. I'm not buying what he's selling. You know what I'm saying? It's like Scott Disick, that guy from, you know what I'm talking about? That guy from the Kardashians. What a fucking douche. But there are so many people that really like Scott Disick. And I don't know why.

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He sells hotel air fresheners for a living. That's what the guy does. I mean, do you know this? No. Have you seen the commercials? No. There's a couple of B-list celebrities who are out there selling an air freshener system.

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The Waldorf Astoria uses, and that's the whole catch. And you, too, can smell a fancy hotel for $1,500 plus $500 refund. I did see something about this.

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When you're selling NFTs, hotel air fresheners, and meme coin for a living, you're a heel. That's what you are. That's what you're doing. But Scott Disick has a bunch of people that just – he's become legitimized in a lot of people's eyes as a bona fide star because he just – and I don't think Scott – I think Scott Disick is probably a nice guy somewhere down the line.

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But if they do.

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somewhere right i don't know where that is but somewhere down somewhere you peel off all those layers of skin you can use some of my cream if you want to if you peel off all those layers of skin at the end of the day i don't think scott's a bad guy but he plays one on tv and eventually people came around to it and they were like oh yeah that's scott guy because now expectations are low that he's going to do anything nice humane or interesting and when he does people go oh maybe scott's not that bad of a guy he's my hero

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We are in a real shit show. Yeah, it seems like enough people on both sides of the aisle are up in arms. This isn't going to happen. And now a new report comes out that maybe he was up at up to 10 of these drug-filled underage orgies. So, wow.

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Kanye's the same way. I think that's what he's doing. That's my opinion. But I don't think it wins him a Grammy Award. I don't think so either. I think that Kendrick Lamar takes it all home.

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uh oh best metal performance what oh rock let's do rock album best rock album saviors green day no name jack white romance fontaine's dc uh tanked the idols uh dark matter by pearl jam hackney diamonds the rolling stones and happiness bastards the black crows and i've only i haven't heard every single one of these i'm voting for jack white i'm a huge fan

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I'm going to say that, surprisingly, and I think they've only won one other Grammy, but surprisingly, I think Pearl Jam takes it for Dark Matter.

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Because I do think a lot of people believe it's their best work since Vitology, which is a long time ago. Yeah. But the Black Crows had a great album, too. They did, too. Yeah. They really did.

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Yes. And I wanted to see if we could throw – oh, I wanted to see if we could throw country in there, but I actually just X'd out of it. And I don't know too much about country. I'm not – yeah. The CMAs have their own thing. Like, country has become such – so mainstream. But to me, unless – There's some country music that I really, really like.

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Yeah, Dolly. There you go. Dolly or who's that other guy? Jelly Roll. But Jelly Roll really isn't country either. He's like rap rock almost, you know? And he's got a beautiful voice, that guy does. But I will say this. Country has become so mainstream that there's no difference to me between pop music and country. And a lot of it sounds very much the same. It's hard to decipher.

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But there is some country music that's still very country western. That's still like... I don't know. I don't know how to explain it, but I love it.

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New and old, right? But I don't like that twangy, who done me wrong song kind of thing, right? And I don't love the pop, who done me wrong song. I like the more ethereal... real country western music.

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Sounds like a stand-up guy to me, the kind of guy that we really need to be the sheriff in town. You know what I'm saying? I mean, come on, Trump. Come on. I'd like to think this is just a Trojan horse.

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Kind of like a Johnny Cash type. Or like the alt country, like, you know, rocky country, a little twang, where Wilco gets sometimes, you know, Wilco gets into that sometimes.

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Maybe, yeah. Uh-huh. Yep. But country has just become so mainstream that them having their own awards just seems like another Grammys to me. It is. If I'm being honest. Yeah.

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You're responsible.

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Oh, my God. You know who really had to do something? Who's at fault here? Billy Ray Cyrus. Honk that hoochie-coochie woman or whatever it was. Yeah.

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No.

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Achy Breaky Heart. Achy Breaky Heart. But then right before him, well, listen, there's a lot, I think. Who's that guy who's now, his hairdresser is saying, she slept with him?

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I know. That is a big drama going on. That is a big drama. It says the hairdresser, he was like attacking the hairdresser. He wears a wig.

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Exposing himself. What is up with that? All these guys have to show their dicks.

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Before we get intimate. Do you know what I'm saying? I actually would prefer that you see my dick after we have sex. After the lights are off. Yeah, well, after we have sex. Like long after it's done. That's when I want you to see my penis. Not just running around the hotel room flashing it at you. I mean, come on, Garth, honestly, you're a multi-catrillionaire.

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He's just putting it out there so that he can, you know, throw somebody in there that's like equally as bad, but not a criminal in. You know what I'm saying? Oh, well, that guy's not as bad. You know what I'm saying? Right. No, there is that strategy. There is a theory going around that that might be it. I have to agree. So we're watching the 90 day before the 90 days here.

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If you really want to do that, can't you, like, legitimately pay someone in the sexual health industry, like a sex worker, someone who actually gets paid to do that, someone who knows that's their job? Do you have to go doing that to your hairdresser? I know. You don't even have any fucking hair. What are we doing with your hair? And God bless the woman. It seems like, you know, a lovely woman.

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I was reading about this story a couple months ago. I meant to mention it, but that's just really weird. I mean, it is.

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All our heroes want to show their dicks, and that just makes me sad. That just makes me sad. All right. Well, enough with Garth Brooks. Anyway, Garth Brooks probably one of the first crossover. Dolly Parton could be one of the first crossover artists. Kenny. Chesney? No, Kenny Rogers. Yeah, Islands in the Stream. There's a lot of crossover, but I think it was that.

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Way down yonder on the jet, she never knew what to do to me. Alan Jackson. Alan Jackson. It's like back in the early 90s or late 80s and that fucking way down and yonder. She never knew what that river did to me. If I had a dollar for every time I wanted to slap one of my classmates for liking that song, it's like this dumb song about the fucking dirty river. What are you doing?

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All right, we'll take a break. We'll be back.

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Have you been missing something from your life? Of course you have. You listened to The Commercial Break, and what you've been missing is me, right? No? Damn.

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Well, if what you're missing is a little giggle, you should follow us on Instagram, at The Commercial Break, and on TikTok, at TCB Podcast, because, you know, we're posting clips, we're being silly, you'll get a little laugh out of it, I promise. If what you're missing is communication... Text us or call us and leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3822 and someone will respond. Definitely.

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Unless you're being creepy or mean, in which case we won't. And lastly, if what you're missing is a jaunt through the internet, check out our website at tcbpodcast.com and explore to your heart's desire. And those are really all the ways I can help you. So maybe you're missing something from our sponsors? Let's find out.

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I'm just watching a video of a couple people parasailing.

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Yeah, which I will never do. Ever. You couldn't pay me enough money to go parasailing. Have you ever been parasailing?

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Off the back of a boat? Yes. Yeah? What'd you think?

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I just... To get up that high over water, to know that there's probably a small chance, more than a small chance that you're going to die, being dragged behind a boat, driven by some yahoos paying no attention to you. See, it all just seems like a risk, unnecessary take.

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On to more important things. We're watching 90 day before the night after the 90, whatever it is.

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Now, this comes from a guy who jumped out of a plane with another guy strapped to my back who also probably didn't care about me much. But here's why. And I'll tell you this story. And this is not a funny story. It's just a story. When I was a kid, we had a friend. And we got into high school and we used to go over to his house all the time.

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We hung out and his dad was very cool kind of guy, you know, let you do whatever the fuck you wanted to do. But he was a very nice man. And we got into high school. We learned one day like this. Our friend was very upset when we learned that his dad on a vacation in Mexico went parasailing and the parasail snapped. The rope snap came right back at him.

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And did incredible damage to him, like incredible damage. Guy was in the hospital for weeks and all kind of a little bit of disfigurement, all kind of scars, many, many, many months of rehab and all just. parasail, just like a dude parasailing, right? But this is not the first time that I've heard about this happening. I've actually heard about this happening since this situation.

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And it just seems to me like an unnecessary danger. Who was the moron who thought about tying a rope to the back of a boat and putting a parachute on it and zooming people around in circles? It seems like a dumb thing to do. Honestly, it just does. Am I saying that right? Is it a parasail? Is that a parasail?

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It just seems like an unnecessary risk to take. Like a parachute. Parachute that you're sailing.

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And then you're sailing because it's a boat. So you're parasailing. See, we're smart, Chrissy. We figured this out. But that's just one thing that I will never do. I want to go hang gliding. Yeah, that's another thing that I'll probably never do. Because the hang gliding, fine, hang gliding, sounds cool, looks wonderful. It does. Beautiful. But I hate heights, so I'm kind of out there.

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Yeah, I'm out on the heights. But also, Chrissy, there's no motor. If there's trouble, there's no one, you can't zoom yourself back to the airport. You got to find, hopefully, a small patch of grass where you can land. Yeah.

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I know, but yeah, but don't do it. What happens if the guy loses control of his facilities? He has a heart attack or a stroke or he's drunk or he just doesn't like it.

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How are you going to fly it if the dude behind you is not like... I'm going to turn my wings. You just turn your wings?

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I've seen so many of those videos where things just go wrong. Like the one where they're just like doing circles on the way down. And then last minute, like there was a famous video out there who had a stroke or something. Like the pilot had a stroke or something. And the guy was like trying to navigate it down. Don't do it. We don't have that kind of insurance here. Our insurance is good.

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We don't have good insurance. If we had good insurance, then do it. But we don't have good insurance.

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Okay. Don't do it. It's not necessary. Please. Don't do parasailing, hang gliding. I'll stick to airplanes. Stick to airplanes. Fly in an airplane. Go from A to B. And just, you know, a zip line every once in a while I can understand.

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A massage on a tall cliff overlooking the ocean, fine. But anything where you have to, like, there's no motor and you're in the air hoping things work out, parasailing included, just don't do that. We got to draw the line somewhere here because if you're gone, then who am I going to do the commercial break with?

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I mean, there's probably other people I can do it with, but I don't like people all that much. And they don't like me. It's not going to work out well for anybody in this situation.

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All right. Good to call me before you do anything. Let me talk some fucking sense into that head of yours. I don't know what you're thinking, running around. cooking, frying stuff up.

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I did that 20 years ago before we started doing the commercial break and needing my mouth to make revenue. I would never do it now. Never, ever, ever, ever. I would never consider doing that again. Well, not until my children are grown and the commercial break no longer needs me to make revenue would I ever consider doing that again. It's just dumb. I mean, it really is. It's

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There's a small, small, small chance. A lot of people will write in and they'll say, hey, Brian, it's a really safe thing to do. Like by the amount of people that do it, very few get hurt. But we have known of people getting hurt at the same place where I – Where you didn't? Skydived. Really?

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Someone, unfortunately, bounced off the ground because her parachute didn't open and died just a couple of years ago. My little brother, one of my little brothers. I say little brother like he's little. I'm a grown man. My younger brother.

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Thank you.

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My younger brother. He used to do this all the time. He wanted to be a skydiving instructor. Oh, okay. So he started skydiving. He got a membership to the club. He was out there every weekend.

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Yes, and he was skydiving. Three or four, sometimes five times in a day, he kept on going up and doing this. But with every time you do this, you increase the chances something's going to go wrong. And it's a parachute that you pack yourself. I don't trust myself to get to the grocery store without an incident happening. Do you know what I'm saying? So at this age, I'm not sure.

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I mean, everybody has to whack off in front of somebody. Show their dicks. What gets you off about that? I don't know. Quite frankly, I want my dick to be the last thing a woman sees. before we get into it. Do you know what I'm saying? The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.

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Yes. This is like before they actually get engaged. They're meeting. They live in different countries. They're meeting for the first time or continuing a relationship they've been continuing. Mm-hmm. And who doesn't want a camera crew in the middle of your relationship? So we've been talking over the last couple of weeks.

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And I say this age like I'm super old. But at this age, I'm not sure it's the wisest thing for me to be out there packing my own parachute and doing all that. And I certainly don't trust anybody else to do it for me because you just never fucking know.

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You have to. Of course. Yes. Of course. Well, of course. Who's going to pack it for you? You got a parachute packer?

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Well, when the first time you do it, yes. And probably the first 10 times you do it, somebody is there. Of course. Like they're teaching you how to do it. Right. Making sure that you got it. They're just not going to let you fly up there. But after that, you know. You got to do it. It's all you. You got to do it on your own. That's the thing you do.

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So don't I would never do that in my old age, older age. Like that's for 20 year olds, not for 30 and 40 year olds. Then you got to start thinking seriously about what you're going to do with yourself. It should just think about put take yourself through the steps of what you would do in an emergency situation with a hang glider. Nothing. You just fall to the earth. That's it.

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That's all you do is just fall to the earth and hope. Well, you glide to the earth. If you glide, if it's gliding. I'm talking emergency situation and there's no gliding happening on that hang glider. You see those people on those boards with the parachute, you know, para-boarding, whatever they call it. Is that para-boarding? Where they have the surfboard and they're holding on to the parachute?

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Okay. You've seen those videos of like them flying up and into a building because the wind just takes them away. And they're on the ground. I mean in the water, but they're on the ground kind of. Things can go haywire anywhere.

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Yes, I am doom scrolling. I have a doom algorithm on my personal. And one of the things that now is constantly being fed up to me is there's a couple of – you know those – I don't even know what you call it. Slingshots, I guess is the best way to put it. The carnival rides that oftentimes you see near a beach town. Well, at least here in the southeast, you see in a lot of beach towns.

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They've got, it looks like a V, two huge poles sticking up in the air. And they're probably 100, 150 feet in the air. And it's two poles sticking like a V. And then down in the middle with two bungee cords attached to it is a contraption, a device you sit in. Oftentimes it looks like a ball almost.

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And you sit in it and they pull you down and they tighten those bungee cords and then they let it go and you fly up in the air and just bounce around for a couple minutes. So now the new thing I'm being served up on my Instagram algorithm is videos of people doing that and passing out and throwing up and screaming and yelling.

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And oftentimes girls flying out of their shirts, like their boobs flying out of their shirts. Is that legal to send that video out there to the world? That's what I'm curious about. When you're passing out, your boobs are flying out, you're throwing up all over yourself, is someone signing permission for that to go out on the YouTube page? Or is it just...

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We've been talking about a couple of the relationships, but one in particular about a guy who's in a wheelchair, who's a quadriplegic. He's in a wheelchair. He's down in Brazil meeting a beautiful young woman. And then they had a little drama because they were going to have sex. He didn't have a condom. He went down on her, tried to go down on her.

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See, that's what I'm thinking. So I'm here to give a little public service announcement to everybody about this. Don't sign that waiver.

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Read that waiver about the Instagram account because I think there's a lot of, especially young ladies, that would probably think twice about going on that ride or signing the waiver if they knew that the video is going to be posted on Instagram for purposes other than general entertainment. Like, if you do it yourself because you thought you had a good time, great. If, you know...

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Creepy fucking Uncle Joe is doing it, smoking camels and drinking a fucking monster energy drink, working the carnival ride in Panama City Beach, loves to watch you fly out of your little bikini. That is a different story altogether. And I'm wondering, I'm really saying this as a public service because... Now that I'm a father, I think like that. I'm like, who is allowing this?

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Like, would the woman whose boobs are flying out of that bikini, would she be the one that volunteered to have that rather unflattering in general video be thrown out there? Or is that some guy with a goatee and Cheeto dust on his fingers? Yeah. Looking to get a few extra followers on his Instagram at his Airbnb. I mean, come on, ladies. Watch those writers. That's the releases that you sign.

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That's it. We have a release here at the commercial break that we sign. And it often causes much consternation amongst celebrities because they hate it. Yeah. I don't know why we just don't change it. But anyway, we hate it. They have to sign this release. And they read that thing like a hawk. Like every sentence becomes a big deal for them, you know? And in some cases, it's warranted.

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There's some celebrities who come in the door where we're like, okay, you know, you're a big deal. We're not. We get it. We'll change it. And then there's some times where it just, you know, I can Google a better form than this. Okay, jackhole. Like anybody cares about you. You'd be honored if I put your face on a t-shirt.

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That's enough.

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Yeah. And so I remember, and I point to this, I remember a couple of years back, maybe it was like... six years ago. And my brother-in-law was going to be a pilot. He wanted to be a pilot. So we went and visited pilot schools. And there's a famous one down in Destin that a lot of people who fly planes go down there and they get their flight license. For like commercial flying.

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And she said, no, I don't want that because she felt it was more intimate than actually having sex. And he didn't ask her. He just assumed that that was okay. And he tried to go for it. He rolled out of there all upset. And so onward and upward. So now they've made up.

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And so we were there and we took a tour. I took him down there after a vacation. One time we shot over to Destin and we took him there. So we were there for a couple of nights in Destin at this beach hotel. And then we're walking down the boardwalk one day, lo and behold, there's a slingshot. And I'm like, all right, let's do this. Are you dead with slingshots? I did the slingshot. I did.

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I was not expecting you to say that. It's attached to something, right? I wasn't super scared about the slingshot for some reason. Didn't make me nervous because I watched it a few times and it looked pretty secure. They had like three different bungees attached to it. So I figured if one snapped, there's another one to back up. And I've seen them snap also on videos online.

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It doesn't really do anything. You know, you still survive. Or at least I think you'll survive. Yeah.

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um and so we did it but i didn't pass out but i like got lightheaded i don't know i like went out i don't pass out i didn't pass out fully but i kind of like went in and then out for a second because of the g forces sometimes when you're going up then you kind of you know it's like being in a fight or you know you see those videos that people like

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normal people in the back of a fighter pilot, in the back of a plane with a fighter pilot, and then they pass out when they start doing the rolls. That's kind of like the sensation. It's like so many G-forces your body just kind of gives out. And I wonder where that video is and if it's going to come to light one day, because I signed a rider. I know I did.

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And I'm pretty sure that half the videos I see with these people passing out, puking and coming out of their tops is from that very same slingshot. Yes, because when I watch the videos, I see the same hotel that we stayed at is in the background. And I'm like, that's the same fucking motherfucking place.

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Cheeto dust, dude. I remember the guy. I remember. He was wearing like a corn shirt. Right. And I don't mean like the kind you eat. I mean like the band, corn.

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That is another type of – Korn fans are another type of person. But listen, I knew a lot of people that were into Korn when Korn was a thing. I knew a lot of people who were into Korn. And they're out touring again, too, I think. I think so. Yeah. Yeah.

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Oh, you do? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's about as much skydiving as I'll be doing. We went to indoor skydiving.

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And that was a lot of fun, I do have to say. But I didn't get much airtime because you got to like hold your body in a certain way. And my body just doesn't, it's not all that responsive to my requests. I try sometimes I'm a little uncoordinated, but a couple of us did really well, but not all of us. Yeah. I didn't, I wasn't someone who got a lot of hang time, but that's okay. It was a lot of fun.

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They're on some kind of vacation. Chrissy told me this last time we were talking about this, but it just was in this little clip. And I have to ask the question, how many divorces are too many divorces? He's been married and divorced four times. Four times. Now, you know, I suppose there is a chance that you just, you're pickers off and you really get terrible relationships four times.

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And do you know what? We bought like seven additional hours of fly time that same day we went there and I have never used those cards. I still haven't to this day. We should go and do it. We should go and do it. And then we should videotape it for the commercial break for all of our new clips that we're going to make. We should have, uh, I'm in. You want to go? Yeah. All right.

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Well, Gustavo's coming in town.

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Gustavo's going to be here in the next couple weeks.

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He's the only young guy that we know that can hold his body correctly to fly up there in the air. So maybe we should do... I think we went... Did we go for your birthday or Rachel's birthday? I don't know. Somebody's birthday.

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Yeah.

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Or maybe it was Gustavo's. Anyway. All right. Well, listen. I just have a few other things to say and then we're going to let you go. We're going to let you go. We're going to let you go. You're no longer obligated to listen to the commercial right now. Do me a favor. Do us a favor. Write in. Call in. We'd love to hear from you. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. We're going to start doing a Twitch...

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live episode every single week or every week that we're recording in 2025 in season number six. That'd be middle of January when we start that. And we'd love you to be a part of it. If you're interested in that kind of thing, just let us know. Write us and tell us. Write us whatever. We'd love to hear from you. Also, we're going to be live with brand new episodes every day.

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We're supposed to be here. We're going to be here during the holidays. We're not taking off. So please tune in. 12 days of TCB, December 13th through December 25th through Christmas Day. Brand new episodes of the commercial break every single day. Can't wait for that, Chrissy. Super excited about that one. Oh, yeah. Thanks, Brian.

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That's right. Get your favorite Christmas sweater on and listen to Brian drone on for hours. We're going to make it fun. It'll be fun. We'll have a good time. Also, there was one other thing, and now I can't remember what it was. Oh, YouTube, please do us a favor. Go and subscribe to the YouTube channel soon.

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Every single episode of The Commercial Break will be available on YouTube and shortly after that on Spotify. That's right. Every video available on Spotify. Every episode of The Commercial Break on video on Spotify. We're super excited. We're testing it right now. We're throwing a couple here and there. So go see if you can find them. Of course, Spotify probably makes that easy. It says video here.

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Like I'm doing a scavenger hunt or something. Yeah. But we'll make all of those available certainly by season number six, if not a little bit beforehand. At the commercial break on Instagram. We'd love it if you would follow us for clips every single day of the week. And then TikTok at the commercial break. Did I say that? TikTok. TCB podcast.

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so there you go tcppodcast.com more information about the show all the audio all the video get your free sticker at the contact us button alright Chrissy I guess that's all I can do for today I think so so I'll let you go and I'll tell you that I love you I love you best to you best to you best to you out there in the podcast universe thanks again to Ron Funches for coming in this week go check out his episode and his shit until next time Chrissy and I always say we do say and we must say goodbye

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I've been in four terrible, not terrible, but I've been in four relationships, serious. In my life, I've been in four serious, I would consider serious relationships and Astrid being one of them. But we're currently married and so far, at least not this week, we're not getting a divorce. And so, yeah.

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you know but marriage is a certain type of serious like when you decide to get married i can understand like when you're young and you get married because you think it's the next thing to do when the next thing to do is probably break up and then you quickly realize this you're in way over your head and this is never going to work out never was going to work out and a divorce i understand a practice a practice marriage i get that because i did it right um

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432.029

But four practice marriages? Isn't that a little much? Isn't that a little much? I don't know.

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That's why I'm asking the question.

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Yeah, now aren't you just have a fetish for Brazilian women at that point, don't you think? I'm... Astrid has said that, like I told Astrid, it's something that I, after I got a divorce, I would say almost immediately to anybody I was interested in, or if we were interested in each other, I would say it immediately. There was no hiding it. I just said, I'm divorced. That's it.

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Let's get it out there. And not one time did I ever get any flack about it. Not one time. I've had a few people ask follow-up questions. What happened? How did it go down? Who divorced who? You know. Normal questions. As the restraining order expires. Stuff like that. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? But normal questions. But I never got someone said, I'm sorry, it's not for me.

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Dirty Drama Drop

488.675

I don't date divorced men. Because I think divorce is a rather common thing.

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493.158

But like a divorce, not like four divorces.

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You know, you had to practice one and then you had one. Yeah, maybe it didn't work out so great. You're on your, you're trying to go for your third serious relationship or marriage.

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506.268

But your fifth serious relationship or marriage.

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509.83

Would that turn you off?

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515.416

Oh, for sure.

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531.872

A red flag. But here is the thing that I do have to say about this that makes it even more kind of, it's going to be more of a shit show on this next episode. He didn't say that. Yeah. He didn't tell her.

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Dirty Drama Drop

548.406

Do you have to ask if you're on your fourth marriage?

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Yeah, you know, didn't work out. Are you divorced the second time? Well, now that you ask, yes. And a third? Yeah, I also had one of those. What about a fourth? Well, now that you ask. I'm on my fourth. I'm done with my fourth. You would be the fifth. That is a huge red flag. That is a huge red flag.

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Tomorrow's episode, we're going to talk all about relationship red flags, but that's just an example of one huge red flag for divorces.

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Dirty Drama Drop

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All of it. I'm going to want to know. I'm going to want Instagram addresses. I'm going to want to look at Facebook pages. I need to see all wedding albums, any videos or audio in your phone. I want to see text messages.

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Dirty Drama Drop

604.718

Oh, definitely.

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Yes. Well, I want to speak to at least, at the very least, the first and the last wife. I want to speak to the first one you got married to and the last one. Have you learned anything in the four divorces is what I want to know. Yes.

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and because on your fourth divorce it might be you that's the problem do you know what i'm saying first one okay chalk it up everyone was silly and stupid and young and you had a you decided to have a big party it didn't work out second one okay maybe maybe your picker's just off right maybe you just happen to fall into the same trap twice third one it's definitely your fault fourth one you're a problem

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you're the problem. That's it. There's no other way to explain that. None. And even if it is that you're pickers off, then you're still the problem. It takes you a long time to learn stuff. So I'm just saying, I'm just throwing it out there, Chrissy. Fourth divorce, you got to put that. And I understand why you don't want to lead with that.

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Dirty Drama Drop

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It's hard enough to lead with a divorce, let alone four divorces. Hey, I've been married and divorced four times. Times four. But you got to say it. You got to weed those people out right away. You got to allow somebody the opportunity to bow out if they, in fact, don't want to be with a divorcee X4. You know what I'm saying? Divorce X4, the new movie by whatever his name is. M. Night Shyamalan.

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Chrissy and I catching up on our sister wives here in the studio. Our sister wives and our 90-day fiancé before the after the other days. Whatever the fuck that is.

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But now, could we – oh, there's a Miley Cyrus commercial for perfume. I just thought I'd throw that out there. Miley Cyrus is really a beautiful woman. She really is. I do have to say that if you are in a relationship with someone who is quadriplegic, then maybe we could chalk this up to the women who got married to this young man –

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Thought that they could be a support vehicle and a support system for a person in a wheelchair who needs a lot of daily attention and then decided it was a little bit too much. Maybe it might not be him. Maybe it might be them. But I want to have that conversation with somebody. What really happened? Like, how did that go down? And especially when you get... And how long were the marriages?

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It could have been that long. The guy's not 70. I know, that's insane. I don't know, three years apiece or something? I don't know. Maybe he's just a hopeless romantic. You know those people? I've known two ladies in my life who were engaged multiple times, like three or four times apiece. Yeah. And I think it was just a fetish, if I'm being real. Not a fetish, but a fantasy, right?

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It was like they fell in love so quick. It got so hot and heavy. And then the guys, you know, I don't know, like a whirling dervish. They came in, they spun up their lives, they decided they wanted to put a ring on it, and all of the sudden, no one's getting married. That's even a red flag to me.

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Like, if you've been engaged four or five times, three or four, two or three times, and it didn't happen, that's a red flag to me, too. How did you not make it down to the aisle? I don't know. Just to me, like, you put a ring on it, you're going down the aisle.

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It is crazy. But, you know, I can't take all the drama right now on the news. So I'm just taking a break. Just a little bit of a break. I, like, have a little bit of an eye on it. Me too. I'll look at the headlines, but then I don't dig any deeper. But, yeah, I have a... We just watched a scene from before the 90 days, I think is what it is, and I'll get to that in a second.

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I went through with it, even though I know I shouldn't go through with it. I just said, hey... I got to do it no matter what. I'm going all the way to the distance. Yes, for sure. So 90-day fiancé before the 90 days. I started slow, but now I'm getting into it. Now I'm getting excited.

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Yeah, that's so there's a girl who's going to meet a guy in South Africa for the first time. And she decides that since she met this guy on the Internet, even though they've been dating for over like a year and a half online and phone calls and all this other stuff. that she is going to bring her recent ex-boyfriend along on the trip for security and safety purposes.

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Dirty Drama Drop

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Now, I don't disagree with the reasoning here. Okay, there's a lot of nightmare stories about catfishing and people getting hurt and in trouble in strange places. They don't know where they are.

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862.597

Yes, that's what I was going to say. You have TLC there with you. Yeah. I mean, I don't think they travel. Actually, I bet they do travel with security. They must have some person on staff who's in charge of making sure no one steals the cameras. Yes. Gets in, you know, wants to start drama on a camera on a TV show. So they just get, you know, froggy around people.

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I can imagine that they probably at least have one security person. And they always, I think, travel with local camera crews. Also people who are who know the environment, who are their local, who know the language. Yeah. Don't go to that neighborhood. Yeah. Right. Or don't stop at this restaurant or whatever the deal is.

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That must be the case because TLC can't have some huge liability on their hands. Right. And they go to some far-off, far-flung locations. I mean, one of the first seasons, they were like in the swamps of the Amazon. That's right. Literally.

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Yes. Stole a phone, ran off while they were on TV.

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Yes. A gang swarmed the camera crew, stole one of the, I could say contestant. That's kind of what it is. One of the contestant's phones ran off and the security guard ended up running after the guy into the Amazon River. It was insane. It was. This is a good TV show.

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I mean, I've soured on it a little bit over the last couple seasons, but I do have to say, when you think back on all the great moments of 90 Day Fiancé, it really can produce some fantastic television. Including the one where the girl brings her ex-boyfriend along to meet the dude. And then she's surprised that the guy she met is so upset. She's like, I just brought him along for safety.

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It's like, we've known each other for a year and a half. What am I going to do? Safety. I'm supposed to be that guy. I'm supposed to keep you safe, not him keeping you safe from me being safe. What the fuck? Yeah, that's a red flag, too. And I think, personally, I just think she likes the drama.

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I think she grew up in a lot of chaos, and this, to her, feels familiar, to have guys fighting over her. She wants attention, like all of us do. But some of us go to great lengths to get it, like flying your ex-boyfriend 6,000 miles across the world to be on a television show where you're meeting a stranger in South Africa for the first time. Yeah. It's so crazy. It is crazy.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1005.07

Yeah, Atreyu. Atreyu. Arturo. Yeah. He's Italian.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1035.487

What was the dog's name? It was Atreyu and Falkor. Oh, Falkor. Falkor, that's right. Well, Neverending Story 2 was my favorite.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1047.67

Oh, what a piece of trash. What a piece of trash. That was clearly people trying to make a couple bucks off the popularity of that movie. I saw that movie in the theater. Scared the shit out of me because, you know, there's some pretty heavy moments in that film. But it had boobs, so I liked the boobs.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1068.179

It was the first time. I think my mom tried to cover our eyes and I was like, oh, no, no, no. But my mom got me those nachos. You know, they give you a plate of stale chips and then they had they used to have this. They don't have this anymore because I think they realize it was causing dysentery around the world. Yeah, it's very messy.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1085.067

You would press you would take that plate of chip like a little basket of chips. Yeah. And then you would put it under like almost like a soda machine, but press the button and cheese would come out like cheese whiz or whatever hot cheese. And I, you know, my mom was like, what do you want? I'm like, oh, give me the nachos. And she gave me the nachos.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1103.257

And halfway through the movie, I ended up puking all over the back of a seat. Yes. And so I still cannot have that kind of cheese because it reminds me of the bad taste coming out of my mouth.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1120.667

Yeah, that's not cheese. It's not. They call it cheese, but it's not really cheese. Yeah. But anyway, back to Dune 2 is so beautifully shot, so well done. I'll watch it. You could give me more of that all day long. That could be four hours long, and I would like it because it's just so good. It's so well acted. Timothee Chalamet, Zendaya, who could be in anything.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1139.358

She could literally stand still, and I'd enjoy watching her because, first of all— She's physically she's beautiful. She's really appeasing to the eye. But then she's versatile. She's a really good actress. And and that combination, she has all the things she can do anything. And I love it. I love her in Euphoria. I love her in all the movies. She's been just a great actress.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1161.277

I can't wait to see what she does in the future. And Timothy is no slouch himself. He's really good. And he's very versatile himself. And then you add in all of the heart, you know, all the other Javier Bordem and all the other people who are in the movie. It's really well done. And, you know, they have that HBO television show, the one based on... You talked about that.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1181.295

Mother hens, the chicken hens. I don't know what they call them. The Illuminati. I'm not... The Illuminations. The mothers who go, you know, the women who go around that planet, you know... whispering in people's ears and making them do things. They made a whole television show about that clan of women and how they got to be so powerful and all this other stuff.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1199.825

But because it's not directed by the same person, acted by the same people, and they have the same budget to make those kind of visual effects, and they don't have the sandworms running around that you can ride, it doesn't feel as weighty or as urgent or as present or prescient. Totally different. Totally different. Completely different.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1218.151

So I tried to get into it, but, you know, I was like, I got Seven Little Johnsons to watch.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1224.794

If I'm going to be on Max, let me watch Seven Little Johnsons. But, you know, it's two and a half hours for the brutalist. It's too much brutalist as far as I'm concerned. Three and a half hours. Three and a half hours. I think it is. Holy shit.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

123.012

And the special effects don't look like special effects. They don't give it away. The guy rides a big giant worm and you don't know. You're like, oh, where did they get a big giant worm from? Because it's so realistic.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1244.414

Oh, no. I'm not doing that. Yeah, that's not something you drop in before bed.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1251.6

Well, you must at three and a half hours long. Dances with Wolves had an intermission in the theaters, if I'm not mistaken. They took like a 10-minute intermission because it's four hours long. So, I mean, how can one person sit for four hours without having to pee or throw up or get more nacho sauce or whatever? Yeah.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1270.269

Just ask ChattyGPT. Say, how long is The Brutalist?

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1281.859

No fucking shit. I thought it was two and a half hours.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1286.54

Oh, my God. No wonder Adrian Brody took so much time. I mean, geez, seven minute, you know, congratulations speech is nothing compared to three out. Almost four hours. That is dance. That is dances with wolves. Let me see here real quick. I just want to see something. Let's open up another page here.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1314.375

Oh, yeah. You have to prepare for that. How long is Dances with Wolves? I think it's three and a half hours long, too.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1326.205

Fantastic movies. Three hours and one minute long.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1334.233

They're telling an entire lifetime of a guy that went out west and danced with the wolves in three hours and one minute. And you can't get the brutalist in and under three hours. It's four hours long. Oh, no, I don't know. I can't do that. That's no thank you.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1352.168

Yeah, make it wicked. Brutalist and brutalist too. Brutalist and... More brutal. And ouch. Brutalist and ouch, part two. I don't know. I mean, I just like, there's no way. I'm not in it. I'm not in for three and a half hours. That's three separate nights of watching. Yes. television for me. I can maybe get 45 minutes in a day of straight watching television, and there's just no way.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

137.067

Yeah, Atreyu. Atreyu.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1375.584

Three hours and 35 minutes. I thought it was two hours and 35 minutes, and I was convinced I'm not going to watch it at that.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1382.528

Yeah, that was already way too long for me. The problem, the challenge for directors and writers and producers these days is that prestige television is so good and you have to compete for those eyeballs and you can tell an entire story in eight, 10, 12 hours of television. in a way that used to be done on a big screen in two hours.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1407.063

And there has been a trend lately to make movies shorter and shorter. But now I'm seeing it's moving in the other direction because I do think in their mind, like, okay, I wrote The Brutalist. This could be a really good prestige television show. Or I can try and fit the story in one movie. But even Wicked, two and a half hours long or two hours and some change, and there's still a part two.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1429.102

Mm-hmm. So really, they filmed, you know, five hours of content because they filmed it all at one time. So there's going to be another part, too. So that's the challenge is you're trying to take a movie and have it compete with these streamers. And these streamers have endless hours that they can dedicate to a storyline. And so I think that's why it's my opinion. Why? Anyway.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1451.011

And the studios are probably more willing to do it because they say, well, okay, it may take extra money, but if we can get it on the big screen, that's where we really can make a lot of cash. When the streamers, it just gets lost in a sea of other content. And no one really knows, you know, what's going on. So anyway, no one really knows what's going on anyway. It's welcome to 2020.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1472.527

I am in the biz. I'm a big TV guy now. Making moves. Yeah. I got a treatment out there. Anybody want a treatment? I got a treatment. Not for your oozy penis. I got a treatment, like a television treatment. And if you work in television and you want a treatment, text me up there, whatever that phone number is. All right, let's do this. Let's take a break. And when we get back, I have not only...

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1497.779

Do I have next door posts that I've been collecting? I have plenty of Ask TCB's relationship style. So we'll let you take your pick or maybe we'll get to both. Maybe we'll just mix them up together. And so why don't we take a break and when we get back, we'll do it. All right.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1601.437

I can see greasy little paw prints all over my table here. And I'm wondering exactly which one of my children has. I mean, they come in here all the time. And I like to have them in here. You know, my dad was one of those guys that like went in. His office was his office. And he never let us in. It was all off limits. But he had all the twinkly, winkly, sparkly things in there.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1620.95

And that's, of course, that's what I wanted to play with. He had the computer long before computers were generally in homes. And so we liked that office. But he was a no-go zone, no-no zone for us, for the kids. But I'm telling you what, I don't want to be that dad. So I invite my children in here. But every time, I end up spending an hour.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

1638.404

Four and a half reconfiguring the studio because the one rule is don't touch the equipment. And the one thing they do is touch the equipment. Even when I'm here, I'll be like, I'll turn my back for two seconds and they're over here pressing all the buttons.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

165.943

Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Oble. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us. We are smack dab in the middle or at the beginning of March Madness, Chrissy.

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1650.772

Well, they do gymnastics. They make movies. Sometimes I let them talk in the microphones to make their own show that'll never get hurt. You know, whatever. They're taking after daddy. That's sweet. They see daddy doing something and they take after it. All right. So your choice. Ask TCB. Next door. What do you want to do this segment?

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1674.565

All right, this is Nextdoor. I have now taken the Nextdoor app so I don't have to scroll through Nextdoor. Saving them doesn't make any sense because I still have to scroll through all of them. So I wrote them down here and I also found on the internet a place where some people are posting their favorite Nextdoors.

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1719.623

Hey, by the way, Grandma Greta, I feel you. I wish everyone would shut up too. I got those fucking landscapers out here. Now they're here at six in the morning.

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1730.373

For the past three weeks, a cat has been following me on my daily walks. I'm worried the owner may have trained the cat to follow people, and now he's lost his way. Picture of cat not included, by the way.

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1748.299

No, you can't train a cat. No, those creatures are weird. It's like having a wild squirrel in your house. You just hope that they don't attack. I was watching this video the other day, this YouTube video. And it was like, there's two cats and a dog in the house. And a kid is getting a snack in the kitchen. It's like one of those in-home cameras, right?

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1769.242

So the kid's getting a snack in the kitchen, and one of the cats is at his feet, turns around, knocks into the cat on accident. The cat freaks out, screams, you know, and runs away. And the other cat... And he hits the other cat. Well, the other cat attacks the first cat and then runs and attacks the kid. He's like, you know, biting and scratching the kid.

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1789.633

And then the dog comes and knocks the kid over, attacking the cat. It's chaos.

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1797.697

And I was like, oh, no. No cats for me. No thanks. On my 2.5 mile walk with my dog, I saw a total of 13 American flags. I was hoping to see more. What's wrong with this country? I was hoping to see more. This is from my side of town, by the way. You saw 13 in 2.5 miles. You were hoping to see more? I'm out of butter.

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1824.668

Can someone please help me and call Walmart to deliver to this corner, naming the streets? I will be around all day.

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1835.632

I'll be all day. Can someone please call Walmart for me? Sure, no problem. Random question. Does anyone have a dash hound I might be able to take a picture with? That's creepy. That's creepy. Something's going on there we need to know about. Hey, out of curiosity, does anyone know what day COVID ended? Sure. January 14th, kid. You're all good. Please shut up. Hi, neighbors. I'm Patrick.

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186.697

Yeah, you know, and have you ever won a bracket?

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1873.094

That's all it says.

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1876.597

Blocked channel. Here we go. Urgent. Help. My son visited and blocked Fox News on my TV. I don't trust digital or anything iTunes. Fox is all that should be allowed in my household. How can I unblock Fox?

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1896.291

I told my son that I'm taking him out of the will and he needs to put Fox back on my TV. Please help immediately.

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190.859

No, either of us. I came really close in, like, 1999, and I got very excited. And then sometime in the last couple of years, I stopped filling out the brackets because I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

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1909.255

Well, I didn't put any of the responses unless I thought they were really funny. I don't think actually this had any. I think this is like fresh when I saw it. But I'm sure this is coming from my mom's retirement home. Oh, yeah. I'm sure of it. I found a can of beans. They are Bush's brand, Bush's best to be exact. They were found on this street last night.

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1927.03

If you lost a can of beans, tell me what kind of flavor they are, and you can come pick them up for me.

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1936.674

Wow. Yeah, just to make sure that you're the actual bean owner. He goes, please show me a receipt, and I'll be happy to give them back to you. I really can't keep them. I have too many beans already. Too many. To which someone said, do you have a picture?

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1958.379

I don't know if they're trolling or not, but that's a pretty funny comment. Anyone have anything new to argue about? I'm sick of politics and pandemic. Anyone have some strong opinions on the best actor or who should play the next Batman or which band is better than the Beatles? Anything? I'd like to have a conversation. I think you're just lonely, bro. Yeah. Talk to Chad GPT.

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1980.817

He'll have an argument with you. She, he, it, the, they. Hi, y'all. Now, we all use devices connected to the internet and whatnot, and my grandkids come over and they use their phones and their iPads, too. Well, the other day, my grandson went to connect to the Wi-Fi, and our neighbor's router is named All the Cops Are Buttholes. Now my wife is very upset.

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2007.579

She was upset that our neighbors are rude and using words like buttholes. Any thoughts on how I should approach this situation?

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202.318

I have no fucking clue.

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2023.248

It's probably some dude in a van stealing your credit card information.

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2030.313

Yes. Okay. Is it possible to sue the networks for harassment, TV networks? Some commercials, Southwest Airlines, Progressive Insurance, Geico, and medicine commercials appear over and over again, and I'm starting to feel harassed. Please don't tell me to mute or change the channels. I am asking specifically about the logistics of suing the networks. You're asking for legal advice on Nextdoor?

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2061.181

Hey, listen, I don't know. People have won money for stupider shit. Trust me. An arrow just landed in my backyard. I'm very concerned. My dog was barking. An arrow? Where do you live? Sherwood Forest? What are you doing over there? My dog was barking his head off in the backyard, and my husband went out to try and figure out what was going on.

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208.825

Yeah, well, you know, yeah, it's like... Because the thing is, is that every year, every year, there are these Cinderella teams that just go on a run and they fuck your bracket all up. And I don't like that. Like, I'm with the best. Like, I'm the guy who goes, oh, number one versus number three. Right. Number one. Oh, number 10 versus number four. Number four.

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2085.911

And this woman was standing on something in the neighbor's yard. Her head was peeking above our fence, telling us the arrow had accidentally shot into my yard. It was a 2.5-foot arrow. Wow, that's a big one. And she was trying to tell my husband, yeah, it's not dangerous. Don't worry. I have my own kids and animals in the backyard. What would you do?

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2106.557

Tell your neighbor to stop shooting arrows in your backyard.

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2111.261

Yeah, she's bad at it, but she's practicing. You know what I would do? Stay out of the yard for a few days.

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2118.667

To the person who assumes my cat is homeless. Oh, I think this might be related to the other one. Ready? Okay. To the person who assumes my cat is homeless. He's not. Recently, he has been coming in looking especially groomed, and he is a rough-and-tumble cat from Lives Outside. His fur feels luxurious, but I'm salty because he doesn't let me brush him.

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2139.664

I saved him from the needle and adopted him about six years ago. So please leave my cat alone. Stop taking care of him.

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2154.153

Suspicious driver. One stopped in front of a house, but he didn't see anyone get out while he was there. He followed the car, and after it took a left into our neighborhood, it sped up and ran the light. Does anybody see these suspicious cars also? Should we pursue? Should we pursue?

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2190.844

Everything turns out great when you pursue random strange cars at 3 in the morning. That's exactly the advice the cops would give you. Have you heard of my story about chasing my own stolen car down into the east side of Atlanta? That's right. Oh, yeah. Yes, but I had the cops with me, so that was a little bit different.

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2211.102

I work for Lyft as a driver, and I usually work late night hours to get people right home from the bars. The last few nights, I've noticed the same old man following me around in his car at 2 or 3 a.m. I think he's stalking me. I tried to switch to my wife's car the next night, but he found me and he still followed me to customers' houses and through other neighborhoods.

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2230.838

I finally got scared and ran a red light to get away from him.

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2238.085

Who knows? I don't know. These are two. No, this is not connected. But then he says, can anyone help me find this man? Not pictured. Sure. Right. You don't give any description about your car, his car, the neighborhood that you were in.

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2255.587

Yeah, exactly. I was at this restaurant and I saw two kids, one of which had a trench coat on and standing on another one's shoulders. I think they were trying to pass as adults to get alcohol. Yeah. That's got to be a joke. That's got to be a joke.

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2274.259

That's a good one. I like that one. Cheers to you, sir. That's a good one. To the neighbor who mows their lawn every single day, please stop. It's grass, not back hair. I agree with you, bro. I got a guy who blows leaves in the middle of summer. There's no leaves. Stop it. Does anyone else hear that humming noise at 3 a.m. or is it just in my head? The comment is, do you have your TV on at night?

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2302.868

He responds, yes. Goes, unplug the TV. Lost Roomba. My Roomba was... A rogue Roomba? I had my rogue... I had my Roomba cleaning an area rug that's outside of my porch. It escaped under the fence.

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231.696

I'm that guy every year because I'm a fucking lug nut and I know nothing about sports. And I think to myself, I'm being smart about this. And then I'll randomly choose one. It'll be like number 13 against number 12. And I'll be like, number 13.

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2335.1

That Roomba had to get away from you. The squirrels in my yard have been acting awfully suspicious lately. Anybody else notice this?

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2349.162

What are they doing? What are they doing? They're filming X-rated squirrel porn. They're whacking each other off in the backyard. Offering a free couch, slightly used. May contain my cat.

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2371.902

I thought the same exact thing. Did anyone else see that guy dressed like Victorian times at the grocery store? I know this is a weird question, but do you believe in time travel? Because I think he might have been a time traveler. Somehow I want to think this is a troll, but I think it's probably not.

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2395.633

To the person who keeps putting their mail in my mailbox, I know where you live. My dog keeps escaping despite the invisible fence. Does anyone know of any invisible fence recommendations? Yes. And the other guy goes, well, I'd help you, but it's kind of hard to see. It's good to know there's some friends out there. You know what I'm saying? That there are all these crazy people.

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2427.621

There's some friends out there. To the person who took my lawn gnome during my garage sale, that wasn't for sale and I want it back. Okay, we'll get it right back to you. found a pineapple on my porch this morning. Does anyone know what this means? Is anyone missing a pineapple? Yes, I do know what that means. That means someone wants to fuck your wife.

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2447.787

To whoever decorated the stop sign with the googly eyes, please stop. It's confusing drivers. Is it really? As if your entire life, that sign shape and color has not been embedded into your brain. Someone keeps ringing my doorbell at 2 a.m. and leaving a rubber ducky on the porch. What does this mean? I don't know, dude. That actually sounds kind of scary.

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246.648

I like those guys. I like that. And inevitably, I'm done after the first round. I mean, I think a couple years ago, I did okay until they got to the sweet 16. And then I just got blown. I had one team... I had X'd out in the first round. They ended up winning the whole thing. I forgot who it was, but whatever. I do enjoy watching it.

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2480.725

Who's playing the bagpipes? It's very beautiful, but it's very early. I thought that was you, Brian.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

2493.758

That's right. Lords of the Acid. Live. Philip Savina. Lords of the Acid. Watch Brian have a complete anxiety meltdown on the stage. While playing the bagpipes. While playing the bagpipes. Backed by Mike Gordon from Phish. I found one shoe on this street. If you're hopping around looking for it, let me know. Someone keeps stealing my cat's toys from the porch.

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2527.226

I guess we have a cat burglar in the neighborhood. Does anyone have a unicycle I can borrow? Asking for a friend. There's one more here. Okay. Oh, no, that was it. Okay. All right. So that was it. That was all the ones I got. Those were good. Yes. That's good. Thank you, Internet. You win every time, Internet. You win every single time. All right. Let's do this. We'll take a short break.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

2554.9

And when we come back, we'll do some Ask TCB's relationship style. So if you've been waiting to get this question answered for a year, I'm going to get to it now.

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2563.064

We're here for you. I want to leave enough time. I don't want to be responsible for anyone's shitty relationship. So I just wait a long time until I'm sure it's already worked itself out and then give the advice. And hopefully you'll have taken it by then. All right. We'll be back.

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2614.591

All right, so I have a bunch of Ask TCBs, relationship-related, that I have had forever. I mean, some of them are... I know, guys, I'm sorry. But honestly, sometimes it just takes me a while to get to it, and I have to compile them. The TCB hotline is a great idea.

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2632.52

If we actually had a way of managing all the text messages that come through in, like, one neat, nice little package, and I know they have apps that do this for us, but honestly, sometimes they get buried, you know... Buried, buried, buried, buried, buried. And then I have to go back to it and I have to go, oh, that's right. That person asked a question and whatever. Blah, blah, blah. You get it.

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2651.093

We're unorganized here. Okay. One idiot running the ship. It's two ding-a-lings and a ying-a-ling. All right.

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2659.72

Yeah. Well, that's the name of the last episode. I put a ying-a-ling. Wait. Ying-a-lings, twins, ying-a-lings, Darcy Sings, and two ding-a-lings. Perfect. Something like that. Okay. All right. So you want funny ones or you want more serious ones? You want me to mix them up?

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2679.236

Okay. Here's one. Now, I think this is serious, but I'm not 100% sure. And so you can tell us, Thomas, you can tell us, text me and let me know if this was a serious question. But we got this a long time ago when we reviewed about the lady who thought she was a cat and the guy who was dating her. Oh, yeah.

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2699.206

Remember, the girl was like 20 years old, and he was like 56 years old, and she was like super slinky and sexy, and he had her running around the house like she was a cat. Lapping milk. Yeah, pissing in a litter box and all kind of crazy shit. Hey, guys, I just love the show, but I have a quick question. My girlfriend of two years has recently decided that she, in fact, is a cat.

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2720.416

Now, I think this might be one of those people who like they think they're an animal. Do you know what I'm talking about? This is like hot right now. It's a trend for these kids to believe, truly believe that they are an animal. They can morph into an animal. They can do this. Not for me to say whether or not you're an actual cat, but okay. She's now hissing when she's mad.

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2739.364

She naps in weird places curled up like a ball. And last week she wanted to drink milk straight from a bowl on the floor. I saw you guys do this episode. And believe me, this is true. People do do this. Do I need to call a therapist or do I just lean into it and buy her a scratching post?

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275.929

Yes. Yes. Because, you know. Radio. That's why. Because radio.

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2761.111

Yeah. First of all, do you have a litter box? If you have a litter box, it's all good. Don't worry about it. Listen, milk is a lot less expensive than a fancy restaurant. So I'd say I'd say lean into the things that are positive about this.

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2777.452

If she's hissing at, I don't know, you like your back scratched? You like someone making muffins on your chest in the morning? Hey, listen, there you go. You got it all, right? And, you know, I guess it's cool, dude.

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2789.543

But if all of a sudden she woke up and started acting like a cat, you probably want to get a therapist involved. But I'd let it roll for a few days. You know, see if there's some kind of weird sex you can have that feels good. Yeah, it feels good. All right, let's go to a serious one. Yeah, I wouldn't worry about this too much. And you're not giving us a bunch of details.

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2807.859

But if she like literally didn't just flip a switch and become crazy cat lady overnight, then I just say she's having a moment. She's into a fetish or whatever it is and let her roll with it for a little while. If it's not harming anybody, then who cares? Although it is a little strange when your girlfriend goes, can you pour me some milk into a bowl and lapping it up. That's what my kids do.

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2829.918

My kids are weird, though. Children are strange. All right. My partner never apologizes, even when they are clearly wrong. OK, so Tammy says she loves the show. I've been with my partner for three years and I'm starting to notice a pattern. They never apologize. Even when it's obvious they have messed something up, they'll either double down, change the subject, or somehow make it my fault.

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2855.627

I'm exhausted from having the same argument over and over. It never gets through. There's never an apology, even though there are situations where she has clearly been wrong all this time. Is this a red flag or am I being sensitive as she's telling me that I am? Yeah. Well, Tammy.

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2874.154

Yes. She's gaslighting. She's never apologizing. Listen, I have said this before on this show. The number one lesson I have learned about relationships and life in general. Know which hills to die on and which ones not to. Even when I'm right sometimes or I feel that I'm strongly right, I let it go. I let it go and I say, okay, that's fine because I'm not going to be a right fighter.

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289.645

I will never forget U.S. Open, Tiger Woods, Monday, a Monday extra rounds because they were tied, right? So, you know, you go into playoff and it was, I forget the guy's name, the Japanese guy. He was so good. And Tiger Woods with a broken leg. Oh.

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2897.149

Right fighting leads to so many fucking arguments. It's not even funny.

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2902.032

harder yeah it makes life harder so if it's small shit just leave it alone who fucking cares if it's big shit like you're like she's really in the wrong yeah that's that's a problem and that is that you know you might have to go to therapy for that one and this is not the place to get therapy that's for sure chrissy and i don't know shit from shinola

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2921.363

But I would say that like if she really never apologizes and she's doing things or saying things or arguing things that are clearly in the wrong, like in like black and white reality, everyone would go, oh, yeah, you're in the right. She's in the wrong. And she just refuses to apologize. That's a certain kind of illness. It's called right fighting. And it drives me up a wall.

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2941.92

Anybody who's a right fighter drives me up a wall. So, you know, you got to just decide whether or not this is a big enough deal to you. Yeah, something you can live with or something you can't.

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2953.047

um oh this is janice janice says every single night my husband is for the last two years my husband starts their dinner conversation with so today i was on uh cryptocurrency trader.com my husband has become a crypto bro and i cannot take it i haven't i won't and yet he won't stop uh last night i caught him i I caught him trying to make NFTs out of some of our wedding photos. What?

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2990.099

And he has become the person I despise the most. An uninformed moron. What would you do? So Astrid and I have had this conversation.

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3004.358

No, not about NFTs. No, not about crypto. No, this is the argument that we have had. Given the whole situation with Love is Blind and then Unmarried at First Sight and then a couple of other television shows that we either have in the background or we've watched together, there have been breakups due to political differences.

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3031.22

Like, I don't think I could be with this person because this is what they believe. And the question that's always gone on in our mind is how in 2025. And then there's like specifically some people in our inner circle who have divided households and they're like recently divided. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like in this last election, one went one way, one went the other way.

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3053.368

And now it's causing a bunch of drama. At least that's what I hear. It's causing a bunch of drama. And some people are really struggling how they wrap their heads around. how this supposed idiot is living in our house. No matter what you think, the other side, clearly everyone is very tribalistic right now.

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3069.477

And how do you ignore what one side of the fence is doing supposedly to our country, no matter what side of the fence you are on? You probably demonize the other side for what they supposedly are doing to our country. And how do you have a marriage with that person where you've got to interact with them every day and they clearly don't think the same way that you do. Can you do that?

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3089.739

And I think the intention of the question is, this is where she's going with it. Like, he's become this dude that I just dislike altogether. Like, kind of this amalgamation of all these, you know... Kind of a lug nut, so to speak, right? How do I deal with that? Get a divorce. That's what I got to say. That's my advice to you. Get a divorce. Call a divorce attorney. That's it. I don't know.

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309.532

And they had to play 18 holes. And it started at like 8.30 in the morning, and they put that on in one of the conference rooms, and no one got a fucking thing done the entire day. It was six hours of watching Tiger Woods. Someone went and got some beer. And it was just like playing hooky. I know. Meanwhile, you know, there's no ads running in the radio shows. No sales being made.

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3109.641

I don't know how you do that in 2025. If it was me, I don't know that I could deal with having someone so diametrically opposed to everything that I think is right and good and live with them. I don't know. I don't know how you do that. You're a better woman than I am.

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3149.121

There's a good out. There's a great out. He wasted my money on crypto.

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3152.361

But I'll share with you that I stripped some of the politics from this. But this goes deeper than just crypto. Crypto is like just kind of an example.

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3160.423

So that's why I kind of went off on a rant there. I probably should have added that at the beginning and not at the end. But, you know, you get what I'm saying.

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3168.884

Listen, is the dick good? Because if the dick is good, maybe you just ignore some of it.

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3173.505

Yeah. But you guys have been together for a long time. The dick can't be that good. You know what I'm saying? Like, eventually, we all get used to the dick. I had a friend, same guy, who said, you're at that age where you're scared of pussy. Used to say the following, show me a hot girl and I'll show you a guy who's sick of fucking her. Right? Yeah.

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3191.412

Never truer words have been said and replace the girl with he, they, them, whatever it is. It's true. Show me a hot guy. I'll show you a girl who's sick of fucking him. Right. It's just the way that it goes eventually. And so I don't know. You got to just kind of.

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3218.436

Yeah, it's in your head. It's in your living room. It's at your dinner table. I don't know. And especially if you won't shut up about it.

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3225.266

Maybe you just say, listen, we don't believe the same thing, so let's just talk about the bills.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3233.198

That's it. Okay. My family's girlfriend is treating me like an outsider. I'm summarizing these so that we get a little teaser beforehand. I've been dating my girlfriend for over a year and her family still acts like I'm some guy she met yesterday. I try to be friendly. I offer my help at family events. I step in when I can to be there. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Well, it's not starting off great, bro.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3279.511

You got to find a new girlfriend. Sorry. Got to say it. You got to find a new girlfriend.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3285.254

Yeah, this is like you guys have been together for a year and you haven't talked about this?

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3291.937

Is she even your girlfriend? Or are you just showing up to your friend's random events and hoping that things turn out okay? Yeah, you got to have conversation about stuff like this. Should you mention something? You should have mentioned something the first time it happened. Absolutely got to communicate about these kinds of things.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3310.952

But if her family doesn't like you and she's involved with her family a lot, there is zero chance it's going to work out well in the long run. I'm sure there are certainly exceptions to that rule, but not that I've seen it.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3324.18

Listen, I was married. I've been married twice. And you know this if you listen to the show. My first wife, I loved her immediate family. And I think for the most part, at least up until the very, very end, when of course you have to pick a side, they liked me too, right? But it was just three members of the family, mother and the other two, the brother and the sister.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3347.184

And we seemed to all get along very well for a very long time. Yeah. And then one side of her extended family, I really enjoyed their company. I felt like we also got along very well. I think they would – at least I would hope they would say the same thing about me. But there was the other side of the family, like, you know, the other side of the extended family. It was clear. I was not –

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

335.035

Yeah, there's just tornado warnings just running back to back to back on these major radio stations here in Atlanta. We're all watching Tiger Woods. The entire world was watching Tiger Woods. Any excuse. Any excuse.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3373.055

The chosen one. They did not want some scrappy, you know, in their minds, libtard, even though I wasn't. But that's what they assumed about me. Libtard, poor, you know, wearing a chain around his wallet kind of guy. They wanted some French aristocracy. You know, they wanted some French aristocrat to come in and.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3394.251

Some preppy, went to the right schools, did the right things, worked at the hedge fund kind of guy. And I just wasn't that dude. I was never going to be that dude. But it was clear from the moment that I met them. And they even made that known out loud at family events. So I felt very uncomfortable around that side of the family.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3412.738

I was never good enough for this lady in their eyes, was my impression. And since they said it out loud, I'm pretty sure I was getting that one right on the nose. And that never sat well with me. And I'm not sure that if we had stayed married 20 years in, that things would be great between us. Because I think I would feel very shitty about all of that, you know, just not fitting into their family.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3435.869

Like, I don't think it would have been comfortable.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3438.39

No, it gave me a complex. And I still have that complex to that day. Thanks. Thanks, ex-wifey and your extended family. You know who you are. I don't need to tell you. Of course, I really hope that my ex-wife isn't listening to this show, but she probably is. She probably is.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3452.681

You know, if you've got an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend that does a podcast four days a week, you're probably going to tune in every once in a while, too. Just to find out, just to say, yep, I made the right choice getting a divorce from that guy. I sure did. All right, let's do two more.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3473.804

I adore my girlfriend, but he eats like a literal trash panda. He's hunched over the coffee table the other night, gnawing on a rotisserie chicken like a caveman. He refuses to use napkins instead, wiping his hands on his own shirt or worse, sometimes the kitchen towel. Do I stage an intervention or just start feeding him on the porch?

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

348.979

Yeah, he's done. He's done.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3497.064

Okay, stop being silly. Your boyfriend doesn't have manners. Manners is something that gets taught to you as a child.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3503.81

Yeah, how did he become your boyfriend? Did you not notice that he was slopping up his food like an idiot? I mean, listen, young lady, manners are something that get bred into you at a very young age and you It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. Trust me.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3518.181

And I am beating my children over the side of their head with the manners thing because so many people in this day and age don't have any respect, manners, chivalry, none of it. And I'm sorry. I still believe in that kind of stuff. I think it makes you a well-rounded human being that can adjust in any situation.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3535.569

Manners do matter. And if your guy doesn't have manners and he's over the age of 20, it's going to be really hard for him to start picking them up now. Small things can change. Big, all of the stuff is not going to change at one time. So my advice to you, find a new boyfriend. That's all I got to say.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

354.941

Hey, listen, why not?

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3555.98

Yeah, feed him outside. Okay. Just get a new boyfriend. Don't bother. Put him out on the porch. Don't put him out on the porch. Just don't bother having him around. Okay? All right. There you go.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

356.982

Why not? I mean, you know, it all goes back to Trump, I guess, at the end of the day. I mean, Tiger's no fool. He's one of those billionaires that's going to, you know, benefit from tax cuts. He's like, let me get in this family. Let me get in this family. Listen, I have my thoughts about Tiger Woods as a human being, neither here nor there. His private life is his private life.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3571.034

Well, I got more. I got more, so we can do more. Good. I got lots more. Okay. Well, I'd like to thank, well, I'm trying to adjust my glasses here. They look good. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. I'd like to thank our guest this week, Aaron Weber, one more time. He was great. And on a second listen to the show, I think he was really great on the show, actually.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3595.354

Aaron Weber's new 30-minute comedy special produced by Nate Bargatze. is available on YouTube. Links in the show notes. Go listen to the episode on Tuesday. He's really funny. He's just a good guy. He's also got some tour dates coming up, so you can go to AaronWeber.com. And check him out. If he's coming to a town near you, go see him.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3615.268

He's one of these comics you're not going to pay $500 to go see. It's probably $30 for a ticket. You can sit in the front row.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3621.793

Get yourself a couple drinks and have a good day.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3626.236

Yeah, he's at Zany's a lot is what I've noticed. He's the Zany's regular. So if you're there, go check him out. And the Nashville Comedy Fest is coming up here in a couple weeks as this is being released. So if you're up in Nashville, go see that. Go say hi to our good friend Veer Das. Tell him the commercial break said hello. He'll probably run from the stage. Who? Oh, those guys. Those two.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3651.692

Yeah. Okay. All right. Thanks. I got a therapy session in a couple minutes. I'll talk to my therapist about it. Hey, listen, we did the best that we could given the circumstances. We were newbies and we're still newbies, but we haven't gotten much better according to some people on YouTube. Yeah. I'll share that on tomorrow's episode. Oh, yeah.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3674.17

Remind me to tell you about Kathleen Madigan and her rabid fans who dislike me with a passion. Wow. I don't care. Whatever. I care, but I don't care. It's all too confusing. TCBpodcast.com. All the audio, all the video right there from one location. You can also get your free swag. Drop down menu on the contact us button says I want my free sticker.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3697.737

Give us your physical address and we'll send you a sticker. 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, or leave us a voicemail at thecommercialbreak on Instagram, youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak for all the videos the same day they air here on the audio. Chrissy, that's all I can do for today. I think so. I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

3720.922

And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

382.61

But his private life became so public for so long that it's hard to ignore some of the drama around Tiger. But he has just had accident and incident after accident and incident. He abused the shit out of his body with that golf swing. And he's done. He's not going to play competitive golf at any kind of level ever again. I'm convinced of that. And that's sad to know because Tiger Woods really was.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

409.81

One of sports' most interesting things. I mean, he's just a different... It's like Michael Jackson, Tiger Woods, I don't know, Tom Cruise, Michael Jordan. These people, they just defy gravity in a way that's really hard to understand. They capture the world's attention and they have the goods to back it up. And then every time... There was a time there...

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

437.984

When almost every time Tiger Woods teed it up, he was in contention or winning. He won like 12 tournaments one season or something. I mean, just like unbelievable. He was so much fun to watch. And you could count on him winning. So it was, you know, it was great.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

456.711

Mickelson and Woods at that Masters. And Mickelson hit that shot off the pine straw. That was great. It turns out he's a creep, too. I know. I know. It wouldn't surprise me if he's dating one of the Trumps also. I mean, now he's in bed with the Saudi Arabians. It's whatever. Don't meet your heroes. That's all I got to say. Don't meet your heroes. But the March Madness gets me every year.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

483.058

I love it. I love to watch. I'll start paying attention here over the weekend. But one of the things that I was paying attention to was this story about the University of West Virginia. Uh-huh. not getting into the tournament. You know, they have a selection committee that essentially selects all of the teams. And there are some that it's just obvious they're going to be in the tournament.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

502.602

Duke, right? They're going to be in the tournament. They're like the number one team or whatever. They're going to be in the tournament, no doubt. But then there's these on the bubble teams. They call them on the bubble teams. And the selection committee selects those teams. And this year they selected UNC, the University of North Carolina, over the University of West Virginia, I think it is.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

519.705

And everyone was like, huh? UNC didn't have a better record than University of West Virginia. University of West Virginia certainly should have had more consideration than UNC. And everybody was calling it a big scandal. And I was reading about it, and it does kind of feel like there's some weight to the...

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

537.057

conspiracy theories I guess as the athletic director for the UNC for the UNC sports division you know the athletics yeah is on the selection committee and he got paid some money and he paid some money like there's this it's all just follow the fucking money that is Which is unbelievable to me. I mean, listen, it's not the fault of the kids at UNC.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

557.361

They're just trying to play some basketball and they're excited about getting into the tournament. And they won their game last night on this, like, they call it the first four, which is like a wild card. They won, I guess, silencing some of the critics. But it just goes to show that everything these days is bought and paid for every fucking thing. Capitalism is taking its final dying breaths.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

578.306

I think we're realizing that it only works for a few. It doesn't work for the many. And it's just like it's so incredibly transparent what's going on here. And no one seems to give a shit, I guess. No one stops it. No one cares. I don't know. Again, no knock on the kids from UNC. They're playing basketball and they're excited to be in the tournament.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

598.699

But so were the kids at the University of West Virginia. They deserve their shot, too. And I don't know. There's got to be a way that they can level the playing field or something. Having a selection committee with athletic directors on it doesn't sound like the most.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

614.986

No, it doesn't. And, you know, fair and balanced.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

619.452

It's the Fox News of selection committees. NCAA. Yes, for sure. And this kind of parlays into another point that I wanted to make about bought and paid for. Anora, this movie. That took the world by storm. And, you know, you saw it. I did. You said, hey, listen, this wasn't life-changing for me.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

647.355

I have seen very few of those movies that, like, changed my life. But I have seen them. I do know what you're talking about.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

653.598

Yes, Pink Floyd, The Wall, High on Acid, changed my life in so many ways. I still can't watch that movie without seeing Trails. I mean, it's like weird. I tried to watch that a couple of months ago. You did? Yeah, it was on one of the streamers or Pluto TV or something. I tried to watch it and I was like, oh my God, I feel like I'm tripping. I feel like my face is melting.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

671.924

Oh no, wait, that's just the tanning bed. So I'm reading about Onora and get this. Okay, so- But Onora wins all of these Academy Awards. And the Academy Awards are voted on by the Academy. The Academy is made up of, I think, 1,200 or 1,300 people. It's the Academy.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

704.353

The Academy is this mysterious group of human beings, actors, actresses, producers, directors, technical people. I don't know how they pick the people. In the biz. Yes, in the biz bullshit. Some in the biz bullshit. And they, I think, have up to a couple weeks ahead of the show to cast their votes. Well, listen, Onora was made like two years ago. It came out a year ago. It didn't change.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

730.951

Onora is not changing from month number three to two weeks before the Oscars. It's got to be in the calendar year. So we have at least a month to watch this movie. Why do they wait until the very last minute to submit their votes? Well, here is why. And you may have seen this on a website like Variety or Hollywood Reporter. You may have seen For Your Consideration.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

758.995

Christopher Guest, that's right. For Your Consideration is someone buying a $10,000 banner ad to target one of the two separate Academy members who will visit that website on any given day. Why is that? Well, because there are big marketing campaigns that the studio heads put on to, first of all, get their movies nominated, and then second of all, once nominated, get them to win an award.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

784.555

Because winning an Academy Award has a very... what they call Academy bump. And that means even if you're nominated, but certainly if you win, even if you win like best technical blowjob fluffer on set, you're going to see more people watching your movie because that is a notable effect that happens. It's a rise in viewership based on winning an Academy, just nominated.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

812.541

But then if you win, then you get a big bump.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

815.163

And if you win one of the big awards, you get a huge bump. This movie cost three, four, five million dollars to make. It was a very small budget.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

824.747

And everyone went around talking about how small a budget. And we made it, you know, Gonzo style and here and there and on set and on location and in these places in New Jersey. So this movie doesn't cost much and then it doesn't make much. I think it made like 40 million dollars worldwide. So, yes, it's a success in the sense that they spent a little bit and they made more.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

848.08

But guess how much they spent on marketing this movie to the Academy? Almost $20 million. Wow. XX, the amount of money that it took to make the movie is what they spent gifting the Academy Award members, I guess, whining and dining them, maybe sending them elaborate gifts and taking them on trips. I don't even know. But they're allowed to do it. They're allowed to do it.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

880.179

It's actually frowned upon if you don't. So the reason why they wait till the very last minute to submit their votes is because they want to see how many hand jobs they're going to get before the show.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

893.923

Unbelievable. Nothing is sacred anymore. Nothing.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

900.547

It doesn't. It shocked me, but then for like half a second. And then I was like, oh, yeah, that makes sense. Totally. They spent more money than any other film this year marketing to the Academy. Any other film. Thank you. And $20 million is a lot of cash when you're talking about a thousand people that you're trying to target. That's what I do quick math in my head.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

922.441

That's $4 million per Academy member. If I do that minus the one carry three and a half million dollars per Academy member that you're spending marketing your film for an Academy award. And guess what? It worked. There you go. I did not see one of those movies. Not one. Dune 2. Wicked.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

956.892

It's as long as Adrian Brody's speech, first of all. Second of all, I got to take vacation days to watch The Brutalist.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

965.597

Yeah, I got to find babysitters to watch that movie. There's very few movies I want to get that invested in. Wicked was two hours and something odd long. I enjoyed it. It kept bouncing along. So I thought, oh, okay, there you go. Dune 2 was a lengthy movie.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

980.285

You could give me more of that all day long. I do like the dunes. I'm a dune kind of guy.

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For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

985.426

You got to watch it. You have to watch it. It's so fucking good. And it's so beautifully shot. And the special effects don't look like special effects. They don't give it away. The guy rides a big giant worm and you don't know. You're like, oh, where did they get a big giant worm from? Because it's so realistic.

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The 700 Club!

1009.467

I felt like maybe we could structure it a little bit. And at times we tried. But that was work. Yeah, but that was work. It was work and it felt constricting. And I don't feel that I found the funny in like when I was doing the bits.

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The 700 Club!

101.701

We do need to look into that.

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The 700 Club!

1023.073

For the first 20 or 30 episodes. That was fun because I got to manufacture that out of whole cloth. But it took a lot of time and I had to write everything down and I had to practice and then I had to do it over again. It took hours to create those things, sometimes days to create those things.

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The 700 Club!

1037.677

And so, and then when I tried to structure the show, like put more structure to the actual content of the show, I found the more that I put structure to it, the less I felt there was freedom to have fun with it. I always felt like we had to hit the next beat, hit the next beat, hit the next beat. So then after 50 episodes, I think it got really loose.

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The 700 Club!

104.063

It is.

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The 700 Club!

1057.253

And I would say that, you know, in that 100 to 200 range, I think we relied a lot on other people to bring the funny, and I don't mean other people like guests, I mean like videos, right? Yeah. We were doing a whole lot of videos. I think the nature of the podcast, really, quite frankly there, I think for like a string of 100 episodes, I would say that 70 of them had videos in them.

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The 700 Club!

1077.191

We were doing a video every single day. But also, we were only doing two episodes a week. So it was a little bit different, right? And even then... I found that the improv was where the freedom was to have some fun and to be funny. So by the time we turned the corner on like episode number 350, I felt like I, at least from my sitting in my chair, I felt like the podcast had a personality.

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The 700 Club!

110.067

Oh, yeah.

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The 700 Club!

1103.495

I don't know necessarily what that was kind of goofy and ADHD and all over the place, but I felt like it had a personality and all we needed to do was just have the freedom to find the funny and, And eventually we would get there. It might take us 10 or 15 episodes, but we would find a good episode in there somewhere.

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The 700 Club!

1120.545

And I think after episode, like, let's say 500, I felt like we knew what we were doing. We could turn on the microphone. We could figure out an hour of content. We could talk, you know, incessantly for 45 straight minutes and not have to worry about it. And now at episode number 700... You know, I think the episode has a following. I think the commercial break has a following.

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The 700 Club!

113.409

Yeah, that doesn't even work all that much. Hey, I don't want to record today. Okay.

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The 700 Club!

1143.745

I think there are people who really enjoy hearing us talk for whatever crazy reason. Yeah. And I think the podcast has taken on a personality of its own.

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The 700 Club!

1153.654

And then Brian died in a tragic cream and cereal accident. chewing cocoa leaves with his cream and cereal. Brian had a massive coronary right there at the kitchen table. His children cried, but the listeners did not, for their long suffering is over. The commercial break. The worst podcast ever. Yeah, that's how I feel about the podcast. I feel like it's taken on a life of its own. It has.

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The 700 Club!

1185.914

There is a weird thing that has happened with the commercial break that I've, over the last 50 episodes, I've really noticed. It does have a life of its own. There are people out there who... really enjoy the show, and they have... God bless you. I know, God bless you. Seriously. Thank you. What are you thinking? What are you doing?

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The 700 Club!

1207.977

What are you doing with your life when you're just listening to us? I mean, I thank you from the bottom of my heart because it provides us a living, but I cannot imagine. I... I never listen. I mean, when I'm editing, I listen to parts of our episode, but I used to listen to every episode because I wanted to hear it and I wanted to listen to what we were doing and see if we could make it better.

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The 700 Club!

1227.413

I gave up on making it better. I just decided I don't need to listen to it. I just did it. What do I need to listen to it for?

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The 700 Club!

1234.397

Yeah, thank you, Chrissy. Raw dog it. Exactly. Exactly.

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The 700 Club!

1242.261

Raw dog it.

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The 700 Club!

1244.322

Raw dog it. Chrissy and Brian raw dog you every Tuesday through Friday. We're going in bald, baby. Going in bald. No hat needed. Yeah, that should be our new tagline. Raw dog it with the commercial break.

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The 700 Club!

1266.834

The commercial break. We jizz on it.

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The 700 Club!

1270.456

Oh, God, we have a tagline every 50 episodes. We find something different to say. It's not for everyone. It's not for everyone. Thank God we don't do that anymore. I'd have to add we raw dog it to the end of that. Welcome back to another episode of this, the commercial break. Hey, it's not for everybody, but at least it's free. Fact, news, or fiction, 15 minutes or less or your money back.

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The 700 Club!

129.571

Aw, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the Chrissy to my Brian.

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The 700 Club!

1292.911

Go to TCBpodcast.com to collect your earnings. TCB, we raw dog it. Raw dog it with the commercial break. Ryan and Chrissy.

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The 700 Club!

1306.723

Oh, yeah, it was. Well, that was also a way to kill minutes. I mean, I think we were doing three minutes of intro for about 180 episodes there. Brian was just blabbering on. You know, if you know, you know, I-K-N-Y-K-D-Y.

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The 700 Club!

1321.482

Oh, my God. I was on Instagram the other day, and the worst offender of I-K-N-Y-K-Y-D-Y, or whatever that is, if you know, you know, the worst offender literally put it four stories in a row. I, K, whatever that is. If you know, you know. If you know, you know. If you know, you know. If you know, you know. Showing an inside of a random bar or restaurant on every photo.

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The 700 Club!

1342.656

And it's like, well, I don't know because not everybody lives in your fucking town. So why don't you let us know? So that way we're in on the joke also. This must be the coolest place on earth. If you know, you know. Are the only people that know. Like, I'd like to know too. Can you let me in? Doesn't have the name of the place. Doesn't say why they're there.

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The 700 Club!

1361.254

Doesn't give any information about why or why not. It's cool or not. It's like, it's so dumb. And then Astrid puts it on our Instagram post just to piss me off. Yes, she does. Astrid, you're fired. After 700 episodes, Astrid's fired. All right, let's take a break. We'll be back celebrating 700 with 700. I'll explain after this break.

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The 700 Club!

1447.159

yeah, we're doing a little math here in the studio. So 3.5 to 4 million podcasts that have ever been ever, uh, since it started 2009, 2010, only, uh, Tina did some research. Only two and a half percent of those have made it past episode 300, which in the most liberal of math, probably put somewhere in the neighborhood of 8,000 that have been over 300. There's no specific stats on over 300.

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The 700 Club!

145.036

It's un-fucking-believable that this podcast made it to seven episodes, let alone 700 episodes. And you've been here with us for some of it. So thank you very much. We appreciate it. There's a few out there. I think there's a few. Tina's one. Tina might be one that's been listening since the very beginning.

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The 700 Club!

1472.82

So it doesn't, they don't, they're not really tracking that. Uh, But you have to imagine that if you double that, at least half of those are out. At least half of those are out the door. And then you add some more. I would say we're probably one of a couple thousand that have gotten to episode number 700.

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The 700 Club!

1485.613

And if we get to a thousand, which if we're here and we're kicking and the fans are still listening to us. Fans. The listeners. I hate saying that word. Hate saying that word. If the listeners are still here, then we will, I think. Be in the upper. We will win just because we did it for this long. Do you know what I'm saying?

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The 700 Club!

1502.648

I mean, at some point, Joe Rogan just became famous because he was 7,000 episodes in. And people were like, there's so much of Joe Rogan that how can I ignore it? Do you know what I'm saying? We will win. Just by staying steady, staying the course, mediocre all the way, doesn't matter that only 15 episodes are good, we're going to keep on going. We'll add a 16th by episode 1,000, I promise.

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The 700 Club!

1525.316

When we get to episode 1,000, at least 0.15% of our episodes will be ones you want to listen to. Also, I wanted to say this, and I kind of got lost in my thought, which happens often here. The podcast has taken a life of its own, and for the listeners, who at least the ones that interact with us, it's...

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The 700 Club!

1543.96

interesting to see what the podcast means to them how it affects them in their daily life how when they listen they get a giggle or it helps them through their work day or it's helping them through a divorce or whatever the situation may be the stories are endless but that to me feels like you know i don't feel like we're saving little kittens from trees But we're doing something. Yes, no.

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The 700 Club!

1566.967

We're doing something.

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The 700 Club!

1568.809

Brian's ranting all the time about something or other. Brian's getting more miserable in his old age, and you're listening. Okay. I guess we're all going to get cranky together. Let's do that. 700 episodes. Chrissy, there's only one other content creator that I can think of where the number 700 really means something. And that's, of course, the 700 Club.

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The 700 Club!

1590.997

The venerable morning show that is bought and paid for on your local... CBS, NBC, CW. Your own personal Jesus. Your own personal Jesus. That's a good one. That's a good way to put it. It's your own personal Jesus. The televangelists that have enough money to take over an hour of morning television every day. And it's not because... The network wants that content.

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The 700 Club!

1613.884

It's because they pay for that airtime. The 700 Club, of course, is headed up or was headed up, I think now his son does it, by the Robertson family, Pat Robertson and his whole Pat Robertson ministry bullshit. He's one of the few televangelists from the 80s that kind of survived the downfall of all the 80s televangelists who were in some way, shape, or form absconding with cash.

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The 700 Club!

1638.76

So I guess you give them a little bit of credit there. But Pat Robertson, He's got to be one of the biggest idiots that ever lived in this entire world. He's dead now. And, you know, I'm not going to dance on somebody's grave, but I don't miss him because he was a bigot, a racist, an interpreter of the Bible in any which way he saw fit to twist the words to make sure that it fit his narrative.

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The 700 Club!

164.945

And I think there's a couple of others who claim that they've been listening since the beginning. So that's good. I know one or two that write in often. And I think Marianne has probably been around since close to the beginning. Roxanne has been around since close from the beginning. Gustavo has been around. But those are family members, so I don't know if we can count them. Rachel. Rachel.

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The 700 Club!

1661.231

And his narrative was always crooked. It was always wrong. It was always weird. And Pat Robertson was an old kook, if you ask me. He was just a weirdo.

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The 700 Club!

1671.502

He was an old kook. I mean, he was. He was an old kook. Somebody said to me the other day, they go, he's an old kook. And I go, what's a kook? He goes, I don't know. It's a crazy person. I said, okay. I call him a kook, not a kook. But anyway, he's an old kook. The guy was just a looney tune. And he had been for years. And the older he got, the more strange he got.

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The 700 Club!

1691.113

Him and that Kenneth Copeland, they both just got old and got crazier than they ever have been. And it's just amazing to me the way that he takes Scripture and he interprets it. He one time told a man, wrote in and asked if he should divorce his wife who had Alzheimer's because he didn't recognize her anymore.

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The 700 Club!

1709.702

And Pat said, yes, if she was still in her right mind, she would agree that you needed to go on and find a wife who could, you know, fulfill her wifely duties. And unfortunately, the time was up for whatever. I mean, just a crazy... AIDS had caused, you know, or I don't know, the tsunami and the hurricane was coming for Florida because that's where the gay people live.

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The 700 Club!

1731.437

I mean, the guy was just all over the place. Terrible human being, terrible human being. But there is comedy in some of these situations, as we found over our 700 episodes. I waited respectfully at least a year or two after Pat Robertson died. But now I think it's fair game. I think it's probably fair game the day after he died. But you know what? Here we are. The CBN Network, the 700 Club.

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The 700 Club!

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Let's review one of my favorite segments with Pat, which was when Pat took phone calls and answered questions. You ready?

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The 700 Club!

1767.35

I was trolling on the internet.

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The 700 Club!

1769.191

As I do like to do. Here's some 700 Club. Oh, is there, do we have that on mute? Let's, yeah, let's try that again. Oh, that's weird.

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The 700 Club!

1796.615

Indiana Jones number four. It was found. Actually, the first Indiana Jones Ark of the Covenant was found. What about Noah's Ark and more? Your questions take center stage. Look at this stock photography guy on the phone, very concerned about whether or not the Ark of the Covenant has been found. Hey, Jim, it's me, Bob. Hey, did they find the Ark of the Covenant? I got a meeting later on today.

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The 700 Club!

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I need the answer. All show long on today's 700 Club. Showing young people on the telephone, you know, hey, what up? Flippity flop. Jizzity jizz.

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The 700 Club!

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Rachel, Rachel's been around since the beginning. Rachel was on at the beginning. Actually, she was on episode number like, I don't know, 10 or 11 or 12 or something like that. Anyway, here we are 700 episodes into the commercial break. Thank you for all of the love, the support, the kindness, the, you know, downloading on a consistent basis. It has been a wild ride to say the least.

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The 700 Club!

1837.717

Well, I think Pat got liberal in his old age because there was stock photography of a black person. So there you go. Times do change. Old coots get a little less cootie in their old age. You know what I'm saying? Coots.

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The 700 Club!

1858.422

He is the Crypt Keeper.

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The 700 Club!

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What are you talking about?

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The 700 Club!

1861.544

Yeah, this is right before he died, by the way. I think this is from 2020 or 2021 or something like that. But that blue sweater is something straight out of Mr. Rogers. And that face is something straight out of hell. I mean, listen, everyone's going to get old and nasty at some point. It just happens to us, right? Yeah. Could have happened to a nicer person. Let's put it that way.

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The 700 Club!

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And hopefully my chin don't fall off. Hopefully my jaw don't separate from my face.

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The 700 Club!

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I'll do my best to offend as many people as possible so I can make the news tomorrow. That's... That's what he did. He liked to make the news, Chrissy.

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The 700 Club!

1922.795

The ears got huge. Have you not noticed Brian's ears are getting big? Because he's a sinner, Chrissy. A sinner.

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The 700 Club!

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She's got tits I enjoy.

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The 700 Club!

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There's so many killings and murders going on.

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The 700 Club!

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She's like, I smell a dead body right now. I think it's yours, Pat.

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The 700 Club!

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Well, that's what I'm hoping for, Catherine.

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The 700 Club!

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She's like, my husband is a fucknut, and he's been sitting his entire life and now claims he wants to be saved. Can you please explain why he's going to go to hell?

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The 700 Club!

2005.312

Clear up the confusion for me. Like Pat knows. Like anybody knows. Yeah.

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The 700 Club!

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We can all go crazy. I love it. But remember, you never know when you're going to die.

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The 700 Club!

2060.684

Grace may abound, Brownie Brown and Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston. I wouldn't presume. Does that answer your question? What did he just fucking say?

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The 700 Club!

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And I don't want to get too celebratory. A thousand episodes. That's when we go fucking bananas. But 700, every time we hit another hundred.

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The 700 Club!

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Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston?

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The 700 Club!

2071.602

That's what I heard. Good advice. All right. Great advice. Great advice on the Bobby Brown there, Pat. She has to say that.

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The 700 Club!

2104.919

God forbid we'd be too worldly, Phyllis from Cincinnati.

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The 700 Club!

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And I think we should give to the church and tithe and buy another airplane and put me in these pretty blue sweaters and get me Viagra and a pretty co-host and wheel me around from strip club to strip club when no one's looking.

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The 700 Club!

215.563

It's something to be said for it. Of course, we just hit 500 like three months ago. So now we're at 700. It's also unbelievable how much content we put out. It's really, it's really a grind. It can really be a grind. I mean, not that I'm complaining. We don't dig ditches for a living. It's just anything you do.

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The 700 Club!

2151.658

You are one of the richest Christian preachers that has ever lived. Of course you believe investing. Investing in you, tithing to the church to make you and your family personally wealthy without taxation. Congratulations, Pat. You have pulled off one of the biggest con jobs in television history.

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The 700 Club!

2198.949

Chrissy, just remember those words.

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The 700 Club!

2203.352

Excuse me. My lips are dry. Give Uncle Pat a kiss, Chrissy. Give Uncle Pat a kiss on his penis.

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The 700 Club!

2216.971

Do you remember when Pat was a younger man and he had the nipples of a bodybuilder? I'll show you.

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The 700 Club!

2229.467

The more you get, the more you can give Uncle Pat for his kisses on his penis.

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The 700 Club!

2244.587

Open the windows of Malachi and pour the water out the blessings. Don't you see? Come here. Give Uncle Pat another kiss on the lips. Let me get them. Let me moisten them for you. Yeah. Don't mind the makeup.

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The 700 Club!

2303.654

Pat, there's no problem with the time you're living here because you have done very well for yourself. I will say this about Pat and take this for what it's worth, but I think it's important to point out. In 2020, Pat Robertson did correctly predict that Donald Trump would be president. There would be attempted assassinations on his life twice.

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The 700 Club!

2327.478

He predicted it would happen in 2020, but he predicted it would happen. Now, he was wrong about the year. But when I heard that, I was like, wow.

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The 700 Club!

233.395

The beast has to be fed. No rest for the weary. That contract does not flex. It just does not flex. And it says we are obligated to be here for a certain amount. Actually, I was the one who told them we would be here for a certain amount of time. So it's kind of my fault. I agreed to it. Odyssey was actually willing to let us be a little bit flexible, but I was like, no, no, no.

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The 700 Club!

2348.435

But I love that oatmeal, Chrissy. It's soft. It's soft and it's lovely. It's like my mother's bosom. And I was thinking the other day, if I could be alive in the time of the Romans, I could have bathed with other men without promiscuity. But I'm not alive then, so I bathe with other men in secrecy. It's just a little bit different, Chris Eyre.

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The 700 Club!

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He wouldn't have believed in Jesus back then, but he believed in him now. He's too much of a hippie, I think, is what he's saying. He's an itinerant preacher, which I think means...

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The 700 Club!

2442.927

What time is it? Lunchtime? I believe. Oh, what are we doing? We're reading emails? Okay, let me put my teeth back in.

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The 700 Club!

2471.688

Yeah, he's so evil. Look at that face. Oh, that's a face of a lover.

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The 700 Club!

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Highly offensive.

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The 700 Club!

2489.906

How highly offensive, Pat. You could have been born a different color and poor. You're right. You could have. Now, listen, to defend what he's trying to say, I think, means he's taking some realization that he, in fact, has been lucky in his life.

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The 700 Club!

2508.018

But since I know Pat Robertson and I've heard all of the terrible things he's ever said as a noted racist and bigot and homophobe, I think he's just pouring more salt in the wounds of people who can't afford a pretty television studio and three private planes.

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The 700 Club!

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We'll be here every day for the next three hundred thousand years. Don't worry about it. We'll figure it out.

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The 700 Club!

2545.831

I don't care about you, you silly little bitch. Who's this woman talking over me? Snap it.

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The 700 Club!

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But hey, you know what? There is something to be said for longevity. I think there's something to be said for reps. Even ChatGPT agrees that the show, the consistent content that is put out on a frequent basis.

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The 700 Club!

2591.048

Oh, I can't wait for this one. Watch the hypocrisy flow through the scripture now, kids.

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The 700 Club!

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And while Jesus said unconditional love to everyone, there were some conditions on that love.

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The 700 Club!

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He would not have been a fan of the commercial break.

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The 700 Club!

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Was that his hand? Jeez, that was his hand? Oh, God.

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The 700 Club!

2708.575

All right. Unconditional love doesn't mean without condition.

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The 700 Club!

2714.45

That's not what that means. It's not the definition.

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The 700 Club!

274.455

Yeah, the consistent, mediocre content put out on a consistent basis is better or worse than really good content put out just a few times a year. You know, there are some podcasts who literally put out one or two episodes a year. I think there's a very famous podcast. I wish I could remember the name of the guy. He's a famous author.

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The 700 Club!

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Know when to pray for help. Oh, God.

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The 700 Club!

2824.149

This and that, Chrissy. I just think that's the wrong way to finance things. What you need to do is ask people to send you money in an envelope.

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The 700 Club!

2833.857

for holy water that I basically got out of my sink.

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The 700 Club!

2848.342

No, that wasn't. That wasn't me. Roll it back. Roll it back. Take your finger, roll it back. Hold on one second. Honestly, I want to hear this. Hold on one second. Yeah, just swipe your finger backward just a little bit, like over to the left. There you go. Okay, one more time. Just swipe it over to the left. Okay, listen to this.

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The 700 Club!

2891.211

Turn that back. Three swipes. Three swipes. Let's lead up to it. I want to see what happens. Everybody looked at me.

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The 700 Club!

2937.81

Oh, my God. That was funny. That was good. Good job.

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The 700 Club!

2941.695

All right. Praise God. He dropped a bomb. I dropped my phone. There we go. All right. We'll take a break. We'll be back.

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The 700 Club!

295.307

He puts out two podcasts a year, and they're less than 60 minutes each time. And people fiend over them, and sponsors pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to be attached to those two episodes. Let's do that. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. I mean, if we had that kind of cachet, maybe we could. But let's be real.

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The 700 Club!

3011.161

Ooh, Rachel sounds good on those liners. Yes, she does. She's a laugh-a-minute. All right, we're listening to Pat Robertson try and digest his oatmeal.

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The 700 Club!

3022.792

Yeah, it was his oatmeal. I don't know what that was, but that was unholy. That's either someone... Like in the behind the scenes with a hot mic or the lady just farted or he just farted. And it just sounded terrible. I mean, terrible. All right. Let's get back to Pat answering whether or not we should be playing lotto. Scratch off his answer so far. Nonsensical.

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The 700 Club!

3058.938

The law of curve. What is that? What is the law of curve?

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The 700 Club!

3063.483

The law of use, the financial curve, little by little. Is that how you did it, Pat?

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The 700 Club!

3131.103

Well, people don't want to come into the church building because they don't want to get sanctified in your fucking – in your hypocrite box. That's just what's going on. People are becoming less and less secular because they feel like religion is not –

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The 700 Club!

3146.164

very modern it doesn't fit the modern idea of spirituality and i think that while religion in and of itself is not always harmful and that there's lots of people who go to churches and different religions and they make great use of their time here on earth doing lots of good for other people i don't throw the baby out with the bathwater i think religion has done a lot of good

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The 700 Club!

315.353

If the last 699 episodes have been any example of what we would put out twice a year, no one's paying $100,000 to be on that show.

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The 700 Club!

3168.792

I also think it's done a lot of not so good. And when you walk in and all you're doing is getting a lecture from somebody about how wrong your life is, and they're sitting there probably doing the same thing or worse, why are you so connected to God that you can talk down to me, but I have to sit here and give you my money and listen to the beat-up session, feel guilty, walk out,

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The 700 Club!

3192.034

Listen, it's all a big racket. That's what it is. It's a big fucking racket. It's been going on since the beginning of time. I'm not saying every single piece of religion should be tossed out or whatever. But I just think the way that it's been interpreted... Interpreted? Interpreted, Chrissy! It's utter foolishness.

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The 700 Club!

3213.043

Praise Jesus and this oatmeal getting down my tummy. I think the way it's been interpreted... It leaves power and money to a few while the rest of the people feed into it. It's another MLM. That's all it is. But there's, you know, the product they're selling is your soul. That's it. It's like life coaching.

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The 700 Club!

3246.058

And, you know, a lot of people were- No, sounds perfectly safe. Religion has a track record of being great for kids. Bus those kids on in. Hey, kids, come on the happy bus. We're going to go to church.

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The 700 Club!

328.448

If I could make the money that we're making now... Which would still leave me in debt. But at least we, you know, at least it's something. It's better than some podcasters. If we can make the money we're making now, only putting out two episodes a year, you believe you me. I would be in Mallorca. Well, not on this paycheck, but it's on some paycheck.

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The 700 Club!

3281.603

I'm sorry. As a parent, that does not ring true to me. I don't mind my kids learning about religion. As a matter of fact, we have considered bringing them to like a non-denominational church or even the Catholic church just so they can go and get an idea of what God is and Jesus and how it all works.

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The 700 Club!

3297.628

all came into mother mary and all that other shit they want to believe in that if that's what they choose to do i'm not going to stop them nor am i they might listen to the commercial break and think i'm not a big fan but i'm not going to tell them to their face they shouldn't be doing that as long as i think it's healthy and safe for them but what's not healthy and safe it's sending your kids on a random bus to a church because you feel too lazy to go then again that is two hours alone with my wife

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The 700 Club!

3321.86

Where's the local church bus when you need it? Yes. Sorry, kids. We're taking our chances. We're gambling in a different way.

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The 700 Club!

3356.199

The whole kid thing is weird. You get an old ice cream van, and you paint it a dark color so the kids know you're coming. And then you slide open the door. Maybe you put a waterbed in there so that the kids can have some fun. And you slide open the door, and you say, come, kids. Come with me. Come with Uncle Pat. Kiss his penis. Kiss me on the penis. Oh.

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The 700 Club!

3379.442

That's very creative.

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The 700 Club!

3380.522

Yeah. It worked. It worked. You know what's creative? It's that lady's hairdo. That's what's creative.

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The 700 Club!

3391.207

She's there to just keep him moving along.

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The 700 Club!

3404.994

Thank you. And why, Cindy, are you thinking about this in Louisville, Kentucky? What are you thinking about? Have you been watching Indiana Jones?

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The 700 Club!

3416.617

She says, my question is considering the Ark of the Covenant. Is that the question? We're considering the Ark of the Covenant? I don't get the beginning of the question, but do you think it's still out there? Will it ever be found? Yes, my question has to do with, pertains to, is about the Ark of the Covenant, not considering. But I get where you're going, Cindy.

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The 700 Club!

3436.578

I'm just wondering exactly why you're going there. What made you wake up on this side of the bed this morning?

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The 700 Club!

348.342

I would be in Mallorca for three months of the year. I would be at every school. My kids would hate me by the end of it because I would just be lounging around the house. Yeah, bothering them. Listen, I... You know, there is a small sense of pride about hitting 700. I don't know what it is about the number 700, but it feels like we've really accomplished something. I think there are. It's a lot.

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The 700 Club!

3500.916

Again, what made you wake up on this side of that?

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The 700 Club!

3508.061

People think Pat is on to something here, that he has some wisdom. Pat, life coach Pat, would you take Pat as a life coach? Me, personally, no, but some people apparently put a lot of faith in his answers.

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The 700 Club!

3566.167

I'm almost dead, so I'm not too concerned about any of this right now. Did he just say Trump?

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The 700 Club!

3581.697

Yeah, oh, the trumpet. Yeah. The second coming of Christ. I mean.

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The 700 Club!

3632.76

Yes, we'll get a text message.

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The 700 Club!

3675.008

You're waiting for the, what are you waiting for? Two camels and two giraffes and Jesus Christ on the mountain of the olives with little jalapenos and blue cheese in them?

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The 700 Club!

3690.905

Interesting. Be careful. Gotcha. Totally understand. Thanks. All right. One more question for Pat before we wrap it up here.

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The 700 Club!

3714.13

Wow, she sounds very serious. My question is, who are the clouds of witnesses in the Hebrews? That's my question. Answer it now.

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The 700 Club!

373.643

I think there have been three and a half million podcasts, the individual podcasts that have been put out there. I think if the statistic that I remember correctly is less than 50% of them will make it past episode number 10. Less than 50% of that will make it past episode 50. And the numbers just dwindle after you get past 100.

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The 700 Club!

3802.706

Well, after 700 episodes, Chrissy, and reviewing the 700 Club, I can now confirm that Pat Robertson and the commercial break do indeed have something in common. We are up against it month after month. Getting started was the hardest part. We had $70 in our pocket, trailer full of kids, and we're just trying to make it work. Well, congratulations, my friend. After 700 episodes, here's to 700 more.

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The 700 Club!

3834.938

I hope you're sitting right there next to me at 1,400, just like you were at 700. And thank everybody out there for taking part in a part of the TCB history. Listen, I don't have any answers for you on Jesus or God or the second coming or the clouds of wisdom or whatever it is. But I will tell you this. It's highly likely we'll be here tomorrow. All right. What else can I say?

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The 700 Club!

3861.618

Pat Robertson, still a kook? He is kooky, man. By the way, this is Pat Robertson rather tame. Some of the stuff he's said, and I thought about pulling some of the more like... some of the more fiery clips.

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The 700 Club!

3876.081

But I just didn't want to piss everybody in the entire audience off. I felt like it wouldn't be as funny if we were just, if he was talking.

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The 700 Club!

3892.554

90-something? I mean, listen, if you're 90-something and still rolling in the TV studio and answering questions, I guess you got something to say for yourself, right?

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The 700 Club!

3900.58

All right. Okay. Well, I hope that you're happy out there in heaven, buddy, looking down on all of us. Send me a message. Tell me what it's like. Teresa Caputo it. Piggy front me. That'd be interesting.

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The 700 Club!

3917.481

Yeah, I'd like to know what Pat's up to. Is he still rolling? He's piggy fronting. Is he piggy fronting around you? That's right. Okay. All right. Hey, listen. Ari Shafir was our guest last week. We would appreciate it. You go watch his new special, America's Sweetheart, on Netflix, available now for you to consume. Ari was certainly one of the more interesting guests we've had in here.

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The 700 Club!

3938.825

Interesting conversation. Go take a listen to that episode if you haven't heard it. Also, if you'd like to be on the commercial break, if you'd like to be on one of the next 700 episodes, do us a favor. Leave us a message at 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. I might use you to open up the next show. Leave me a short message.

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The 700 Club!

395.303

There's just a couple hundred thousand podcasts, I think, that have put out more than 100 episodes. You get up to 700. I don't know. Maybe there's a couple hundred of us.

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The 700 Club!

3960.238

Be mindful of what you say and what name you use, because if I put it out there, I can't undo it. I won't undo it. You can also leave us a text message, questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. Send a text message and we'll get back to you. At the commercial break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, if you care. TCBpodcast.com for all the audio, all the video right there from one location.

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The 700 Club!

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Also, your free TCB sticker. Hit the contact us button. Drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your address and we'll send it off. And please, if you would, check out the new studio and all the episodes, youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak, available the same day they air here. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you.

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We do need to look into that.

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The 700 Club!

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Oh, yeah.

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Yeah, that doesn't even work all that much. Hey, I don't want to record today. Okay.

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Yeah, we'll just do it on another day. But I was sharing with Chrissy and Tina, when you do a podcast that is largely dependent on your personality, you do have days where it's just like, I'm not feeling it today. I'm just not feeling it. I don't want to be funny. It's kind of like ready, set, funny. That's hard to do.

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The 700 Club!

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And that's not obvious by some of the episodes that I don't know what else to tell you. I mean, there's sometimes when it just falls flat. But you get to do another rep tomorrow. And you get to hit it out. There's one around the corner. This is how I feel about the podcast now. Most of them, I would say... 65 to 70% of the shows I find to be okay. Listenable, right? There's like an additional 20.

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The 700 Club!

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If we're saying 70% are okay. Listenable. Like in other words, I think, I think it's worth listening to, but I'm not sure it's the funniest thing or the best thing that ever. There's another 20% of them that I think are, are funny. They're good episodes.

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The 700 Club!

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Their belly laughs once or twice in the episode. There's like 10%, so maybe like 70 of our episodes, that I think I would consider like really good TCB episodes. A shining example of what we can do on our best days, motivated, not feeling like shit, you know, just all the stars align, something funny comes along, and we hit it out of the park.

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And I think 60 of those include Frankie B. But anyway, okay. So then there's probably... 10 episodes, 10 to 15 episodes of the commercial break that I would think I would call classic. He's like really fucking great episodes of the commercial break hitting on all cylinders at all moments. We're just going. We're just if someone has lit a fire under us and we're just going.

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The 700 Club!

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This is not one of those, but we are at 700. So that's how it rolls. But I also know. That at any moment, we can hit one of those episodes. So I feel like the more reps that we do. Chasing the dragon. Yeah, I'm always chasing the dragon. It's like a heroin addiction. I'm always looking for the next high. Yeah, I'm always looking for that high. That first line of cocaine. That first hit of acid.

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The 700 Club!

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That first time you take mushroom. Cocoa leaf. Cocoa leaf. Yeah, I'm still up for cocoa. I'm still up for, you know, someone wants to go into a cocoa leaf business. Are cocoa leaves illegal to eat? To have, to possess. I have to imagine they are.

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The 700 Club!

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Like unprocessed, not cocaine, but cocoa leaves. I wonder, I wonder if that's true. We'll have to take a look at that. I know that it's legal. I think it's legal to grow poppy, but I think you have to grow it for like food purposes, like the stuff that comes out of heroin. Like poppy seeds. Like poppy seeds. So I think you can grow the poppy seeds, but only if you use them for tea.

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The 700 Club!

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Speaking of poppy seeds, just on a totally different note, did you know that a lot of people buy poppy seeds in bulk and then make tea out of it to get high? Isn't that weird? That seems like a lot of effort. I don't like effort getting high. I want Dee to show up at the front door. Yeah, I didn't even like leaving my house to get the drugs. Like I had someone come to me and I paid extra for that.

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The 700 Club!

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A lot extra for shitty drugs that came, you know, to my house. But anyway, I digress. 700 episodes, Chrissy. Congratulations.

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The 700 Club!

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And whether or not you can bring them back? Mm-hmm. Why? Are they legal in Mexico?

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The 700 Club!

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Oh, okay.

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The 700 Club!

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To grow the plant, to own it, to have them? Yep. Okay. Makes sense. Don't bring them back, Chrissy. Don't bring them back. Well, I love you, but that was kind of weird. You're like, I'm going to go to Mexico and investigate. Why? Why not investigate?

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The 700 Club!

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Oh, yeah. I don't think you would probably get any in Mexico. It's got to be illegal in Mexico, too. But I'm sure it's more likely that you could get your hands on some in Mexico. Like, I don't think there's any drug dealers running around with cocoa leaves in their pocket. You know, hey, man, you got that cocoa leaf?

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The 700 Club!

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you can clean them out of their jaws though yeah like re-boiling the same tea leaves yeah but you'll lose your teeth that's the part about it how do you lose your teeth with it? Well, here is a fun fact that I believe is actually true. So this will count as something that I said that might be a fact. Novocaine is a derivative of cocaine. It has the same structure as cocaine.

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The 700 Club!

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That's the reason why it numbs your mouth. And that's also the reason why your doctor might say to you, your dentist might say to you, You may feel your heart race a little bit after I give you this shot of Novocaine. It may raise your blood pressure a little bit. It's because it's doing some of the same things that cocaine does to your body.

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The 700 Club!

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So essentially, we are still using this cocaine, you know, some derivative of cocaine in our medical procedures because it does provide, you know, anesthesia. Some people say it takes care. You know that when you go to, another thing that my dad told me, when you go to, say, Peru. Right. Because parts of Peru are a mile above sea level.

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The 700 Club!

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They will give you cocaine tea. Yeah. Tea made of coca leaves. Yeah. And my dad went to a hotel once where they prepared it like turndown service. They prepared it for you because you could get altitude sickness and they wanted to prevent you. You know, they were trying to help you from getting altitude sickness. I don't want that before my turndown service because I'm never turning down.

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The 700 Club!

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I'm turning right up. That's turn up service. Turn up for what? But, you know, it's a product that's used throughout the country. Anyway, whatever.

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The 700 Club!

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Oh, I just read a story about a couple that broke up while going to Machu Picchu, which I think is a weird place to break up. I know. Like the guy broke up with somebody at Machu Picchu. He was like, I didn't want to date her. I didn't know what to say. We ended up on the trip. And I thought, well, Machu Picchu would be a good place. It's like Machu Picchu.

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The 700 Club!

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You're going to break up with somebody at Machu Picchu? Just text her, bro. Listen, that's a story you don't want getting around. That you broke up with somebody while you were on a trip to Machu Picchu. One of the most remote places on earth, by the way. It's not like you just like... zipping on a car up onto Machu Picchu. It didn't take like three days to get up there or something, right?

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The 700 Club!

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You have to hike into the woods. Yeah, anyway. I know that there's a squirrely motherfucker or two out there who grow cocoa leaves. There's got to be here in the United States. I mean, I don't know how you grow them or you get a hold of cocoa seeds, but you know there's a squirrely...

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The 700 Club!

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son of a bitch out there you would think so yeah because you know if you look at it i don't even know what a cocoa plant looks like i think it just looks like a plant like a fern so you know we should do go to mexico get yourself a hold of some you know cocoa stems like you know the just pull pluck a couple out of the ground or find somebody who can do that for you bring it back say it's a fern and let's start growing them in my house as ferns and then uh you know the kids will never go to sleep

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The 700 Club!

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They'll be chewing on the ferns. I'll investigate. It kind of does look like a fern, doesn't it?

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The 700 Club!

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Looks like a bay leaf. Looks like a bay leaf. Yeah. See, I told you. We should have these right next to the bay leaves. I think you're on to something with that. In the public. Yeah. I back it. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I'm just going to bring them back and put them in a bay leaf package. No one will be the wiser. No, officer. Except for the drug dogs. They're bay leaves. Yeah, they're bay leaves.

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The 700 Club!

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On this episode of the commercial break, there's just a couple hundred thousand podcasts, I think, that have put out more than 100 episodes. You get up to 700. I don't know. Maybe there's a couple hundred of us.

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The 700 Club!

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I use them in my stew. That's right. I don't want you to get an anal cavity search like I had that one time. So don't bring bay leaves back. I'm going to need you because we need to get on with the next 700 episodes. We're about to sign another contract. This time I might be a little smarter and I might say, well... I promise to try. How's that?

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The 700 Club!

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I'm going to put it in the verbiage in the contract. I promise to try to make these many episodes per year. It's been a ride. It's been a ride.

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The 700 Club!

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How do you feel the evolution of the podcast has taken hold?

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The 700 Club!

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Well, we'll be here for the next couple of days, folks. I was going to take a sip of water. Okay. Take your sip of water.

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The 700 Club!

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No, no, no. A thousand. We'll go for a thousand. We'll do a bottle of champagne. That's when you get to drink, Chrissy. At a thousand.

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The 700 Club!

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What is your perspective on the evolution of the podcast over the last 700 episodes? I love it. Yeah?

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The 700 Club!

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Cool.

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Yeah, we're still doing that. Remarkably, there's still a story or two left in us.

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Yeah.

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I think that's been a... I think that's probably been one of the biggest changes about the content is the interviews. And it's something that I've found myself really enjoying. I haven't enjoyed every moment of every interview, but I've enjoyed in general having people come in and breaking up the content a little bit and allowing us to talk and find other people's perspectives.

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The 700 Club!

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And, you know, just talk over the guests, as Bob would say. Yeah.

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Yeah. I think the first, you know, if I had to like... Let's pretend we were doing a documentary, right? Like a VH1 behind the podcast. TCB behind the podcast. And the interviewer was like, you know, tell us about your journey on the podcasting. I would say that for the first 10 or 15 episodes, I had a loose thought that this would be kind of sketch comedy satire and maybe a little bit of improv.

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12 Days Of TCB: Baby, It's A Cold Read

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Because I know that these things can be, you know, you can feel pain in your back when you have testicular cancer or vice versa. So I go to the doctor. I call the doctor's office. I want to get in there immediately. The doctor is not available. The doctor is booked up. But they say, there's a physician's assistant, and she would be happy to see you. Well, okay, she, all right.

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So I'm thinking, you know, grandma's going to come in, talk to me about this, and we're all going to go, you know, we're all going to leave happy, or I'm going to get a follow-up.

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what appears this is like when i was like 35 years old what appears from behind the door you know they knock on the door mr green you know open the door hi i'm physician assistant you know l mcpherson i mean the woman dualipa i'm physician history of this happening because when you got your colonic when i got my colonic also a beautiful it was the most one of the most beautiful women i've ever seen in my entire life was sticking a tube up my ass to flush out the

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Best to you, Kristen.

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The seven-layer burrito from Taco Bell. What are you eating? I don't know. What are you doing next Friday? So, you come here often? I don't know. That was my hairy asshole looking. What emerged from behind the door was just a lovely lady. I mean, she was just beautiful, in my opinion. And then I was like, oh, here we go. And so now I have to tell her the problem, right?

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe, continuing our adventure into 20 straight days of the commercial break. For purely commercial reasons. So thank you for joining us. We really appreciate it. A lot of great feedback from the audience. So far, so good, apparently. Some people decorating while they're listening to the 12 Days of TCB.

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I know she's a medical professional, so I was explaining to her. But what I didn't expect was what came next, which was not me. It was... hey, why don't we take a look? Let me do an examination and I'll make sure there's nothing there to be concerned about. I'll have to call someone in to do that, as is medically appropriate.

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And then who came in was one of the nurses, a nice young gentleman that I had known for many years going to this doctor's office. I think he thought that I was cute. That was my assumption. But they took great joy in making me uncomfortable that day by spending a little extra time jingling my balls. There was no bell ringing, but the jingling of the balls.

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And luckily, there was nothing to be concerned about. It ended up that my back pain was referring that testicular pain. And when they took care of the back pain, the testicular pain went away. But this is all very important to talk about with your husbands and your boyfriends.

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Especially around Christmas. You know, it's a time when we all get together and we love each other. I hope you're sitting by the fire right now with your kids.

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trimming the tree when we were prepping you for the 12 days of tcb we said gather around the yule log and listen to brian talk about his balls it happened it actually happened it was it was we were foreshadowing the entire time yeah we didn't even plan that either oh my god that was just that was just lovely wasn't it isn't everyone having a good time on the 12 days of tcb now that you've thrown up your lunch you could go back to work or that burrito

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Yeah, that's right. It's time for a break. Okay, good. All right. We have got some great stuff for you today on the 12 Days of TCB, reviewing all of the wonderful things we've done in 2024. All of your favorites, our favorites. Teresa Caputo makes the list of any season, and she's back, and I've got her in more hilarious hijinks from Teresa Caputo.

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But before we go, I want to remind you that we're focusing right now on some charities. Those charities, that charity that we're focusing on right now is the ASPCA. The ASPCA does God's work with animals. And when they're left or abandoned or they're sick or they're just given up because someone can't take care of them, the ASPCA does their best to care for those animals.

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They also do, you know, investigations into animal crimes and stuff like that. So I like the ASPCA. I love the ASPCA. A couple of our listeners wrote in when we were asking them and they said the ASPCA was important to them. There's a link in the show notes. Please go and donate. If you do donate and you want to send a screenshot to us, we'll be happy to send you some TCB swag.

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We have nothing to do with the money exchange. Just go there, click the link. It'll take you directly to where you can donate. National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund and St. Jude, we're also focusing on. We'll throw a fourth one in there. Before it's all said and done, we'll throw a fourth one in there. So donate to one of those causes this Christmas and make some folks happy. Let's take a break.

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And yeah, we'll be back.

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Some people getting away from the political pods they were listening to. Then November happened and we all got depressed and stopped listening to anything political. Yes. And some other people just enjoying the fact that they have a new episode of TCB every fucking day of the week. Ha ha ha! It was kind of weird to look in my Spotify and see an episode pop up on like a Sunday.

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Okay, Christina in studio with us today. Merry Christmas, Christina.

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Yes. Speaking of ASPCA. Oh, Myrtle. It's very sweet. Myrtle's very sweet. I now have Myrtle and Ruby, my two little ladies. Why Myrtle? Because of the street? Myrtle?

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Oh, it did? Oh, here we go.

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Oh, okay. There you go.

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Speaking of dreams, one of the people that we love discussing over any season of the commercial break is Teresa Caputo. The absolute shit show that is Teresa Caputo and her, I guess, con artisting. I don't know any other way to put it. Teresa, you know her. You love her. It's a carnival trick. It's a parlor trick.

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And especially what they call the cold readings, the live readings, where she will go into a group of people and then she will start to whittle those people down based on extraordinarily broad questions until someone connects with her on something, likely because they are willing and they believe in this type of stuff anyway. They want to believe. They want to believe.

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And of course they want to believe. When you lose somebody or someone's close to you or they think you're on the other side, you would do anything to talk to them one more time, to have them around one more time, to think that they're with you.

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And if someone can put a voice to that, And a moment of desperation or vulnerability, then open the pocketbook because here Teresa comes. Now, Teresa has not done a ton of cold readings live on television. And I can understand why, because there's a big opportunity for failure here.

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Yes, that's right. So the deeper we get into the Teresa Caputo catalog, the harder it gets to find the cold readings. And let me explain why I like to do the cold readings more than the show. Because first of all, her team will copyright us immediately, even though we're not infringing upon our copyrights.

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And I did it. What's that?

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But second of all, because the cold readings are such a huge opportunity for failure that she does so few of them. Yeah. But one of the places she seems to show up quite a bit is this local television station, ABC 7 in Chicago. For some reason, she's done like four or five of these cold readings there in Chicago on the station. Maybe it's because she has a hard time selling tickets there.

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No, Friday was our first episode. Yeah. No, no, no. Kristen Joy Holey.

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Maybe it's because she sells a lot of tickets there. And that's what she likes to go on. Because I'm sure that just like the comedians... It's a promotion for the show. Yeah, she primes the local audience for this. She does have that weird television show where it's like a mix of slapstick comedy with people on the other side. The new show you mean?

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She has had so many television shows.

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It's terrible.

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I know she's driving around in an RV with her assistant, stopping for a hot dog and then choking because someone's choking her and that's her sign for a dick down the throat. I don't know. I'm not sure. You know, and hey, listen, let us be clear about this for anybody, because I know that we have listeners out there who actually like Teresa Caputo. It's okay to have differences. Totally cool.

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That give you signs.

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Oh, certainly the first Sunday we've ever published. On purpose. The first Sunday we've ever published. Yes, that's correct. I think way, way, way, way, way early on, I believe we were publishing on Mondays at first.

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Yeah, I just don't think it manifests itself in this wig. That's not what I'm saying. In this high-headed, you know, high-haired, loud mouth of a woman who is clearly taking advantage of people in their moment of desperation. Yeah. So I want to do this. I found her on ABC7. You want to take a listen? Let's do it. Let's do it. Teresa Caputo on the 12 Days of TCB. Here we go.

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I never know when I'm going to fail and it's going to happen often. Notice, look at her point. She's scratching behind her ear. Chrissy and I have always suspected that that hair is not only terrible. Yeah, earpiece. It's hiding an earpiece so that she can talk to her production staff that is digging up dirt on the unsuspecting audience.

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You're so fucking full of shit, Teresa.

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And then I fell over flat on my face.

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Yes, Christina. Crisscross applesauce. There I was in the middle of Kroger. Crisscross applesauce. And a lady pulled up to me with her little wagon, and she had ham in there. And I said, ham is the sign for a dead husband. So I said, do you have a dead husband? And she said, no. But I know she did.

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That's right. Some people do know. Have you ever heard of a dead husband? Have you ever read a book with a dead husband? Some people just don't want to believe it. That's okay. That's okay, Chrissy. Ha!

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It could be every person that has ever died. I mean, unless you know you're going, unless it's clear that that's, and you get an opportunity to say your goodbyes.

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And I think I accidentally released episodes on Sundays because I didn't know how to work it. I also accidentally released episodes unedited or poorly edited or... With all the bits and parts we should have edited out in. And so I've corrected all that. It just took me a couple years to get there. So anyway, thank you for all the kind words. We really appreciate it. 212-433-3TCB.

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Sure, absolutely. But let's assume that most of us are going to wake up tomorrow and have no idea that it's coming. That's just the nature of life. If you don't have any idea it's coming, how are you going to say goodbye to the people that you love? This is such a broad start. And I noticed, okay, just for those of you who are listening to this,

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She is sitting behind a table with two other Yakimos. And then she walked, all of a sudden she just gets up from the table and starts walking. She's feeling it, Chrissy. Now there are people, she's getting piggy fronted.

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Well, they are numb and she's choking on her throat. She's getting piggy fronted.

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Does anybody have a head? Have you ever seen a head? Have you seen a brain? Did you Google brain? Has anyone's husband departed in an audience of 100 people? Has anybody's husband departed? And it happens to be the lady right in front of her. That's amazing.

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I'm playing a little Pictionary in my head. Have you ever played the match game where you turn over the cards and you try and match the two? I'm matching the legs. Did he have a blue suit, a black suit? Did he ever wear pants? Has your husband had legs? Did your husband have legs?

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Nothing says disabled of the legs like jumping up and down.

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Oh, hey, listen, in the afterlife, anything's possible, Chrissy.

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She said, did he die of a disease that took him a long time? He goes, no, it was sudden.

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Well, when you're dealing with the spirits, when you're dealing with the spirits, you have to get many manicures.

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Oh, you don't even know, Chrissy. When I see someone ringing a bell, you know what that means? That means they did not have a chance to fuck before they died. That's it. They needed to take a good shit. It's like Elvis. Elvis died because he didn't get his bell rung. That's right. Did you know that? Okay, now remember, everybody, when I was talking before about the bullshit and the lying?

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This is the part where I do that. Okay, just checking.

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They're all fucking each other.

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In case you want to text us and let us know what you're doing this holiday season. The young lady who had the 21 EPM sticker brown out. Yes, yes. She contacted us. She did. She said, I heard your siren song on the commercial break, and I would like a new sticker. So we're going to send her a new sticker. If your 21 EPM sticker has browned out, let us know and we'll send you a new one.

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It's the Coachella of... Brains. Yes, Chrissy. Flying around. Oh, it's a Travis Scott concert.

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loved ones so that kind of gives them that so so she's a completely abandoned this woman that she was talking yeah because she saw that she wasn't going anywhere with the lady she got it wrong and this is how cold reading happens you do broad and then you move on yeah and if you can't get it you go backwards you go more broad so now she's back to the legs did anybody have any legs that one woman's like but what about me my husband did die and i want to talk yeah she's like wait um

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Can we go back to my dead husband? Do you mind? Would you mind talking to my dead husband? Meanwhile, Johnny on the spot here with the microphone. Look at him.

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But you just said you don't see anything. You just feel it. But now they're showing you the light switch. And by the way, why are you wearing the ruby red slippers from Wizard of Oz? Why is that happening?

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That's your mother, her last flatulence. Did you have to make some hard decisions about your mother's health care? I mean, this is, I knew it was you. I knew it was you. Who doesn't make tough decisions about a loved one's health care at the end?

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What happens is when spirit... Notice that every dead person is just happy that all the decisions were made correctly. Exactly. They want everyone relieved. If someone made a decision that ended up in my death, I don't care if I'm in the afterlife. I'm pissed off. I know. And I'm letting Teresa know. Let those shitheads know.

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Oh, Teresa, you are. The thing that gets me every fucking time is even in an audience of 100 people, there are still two, four, six that desperately believe this.

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Desperately believe this. They want to believe. And these are the same people.

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I don't fault them. Yeah. I don't fault them.

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I fault her. I fault her for knowing she's full of shit and continuing the scam, continuing the scam. She is literally, I mean, I don't know if she's selling out anything, but she is literally showing up to theaters where there's a thousand seats and getting 700 people in there to pay $49.95 to see her do this dance. And by the way, reviews are in.

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And even though they keep it pretty tight, they don't allow filming of any kind, any audio. There are a few people who have taken videos inside of the room. Uh-huh.

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uh and it's pretty amazing how wrong she gets most of the stuff it this whole dance that she's doing right now at least on a few of the videos it it takes her sometimes 40 minutes to get onto something like she really stumbles around and she gets pissed at the crowd that's what happens you don't believe me i don't care if you believe me this is you know yeah it's just it's ugly the whole situation is ugly

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No, that's what I was going to say. Eco reasons meaning economical reasons. Okay. We only paid a dollar for a sticker.

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I trusted you with my pocketbook and you took five dollars. I saw it.

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Can I ask a question?

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I can't listen to Christina and Chrissy at the same time talk. How is she listening to multiple spirits and communicating with another human being at the same time? Oh, it's so annoying.

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Is that correct? Am I giving you any other option? Am I giving you a chance to speak? No. Yes and no. That's all she asks. Yes and no.

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Yes. Environmental reasons is what Astrid has come up with to cover our tracks. So thank you, Astrid, for covering our tracks. How was your weekend? I mean, we're recording this now when we're getting back from the weekend. So how was your weekend?

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Now he's piggy-fronted? He's stepping forward?

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He's saying keep the address book. You might need it for a rainy day. He's also saying stop stealing from your mother's pocketbook. He's also saying you made all the wrong decisions with me.

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Okay, that's a good time. Is that a good time for us to take a break, too? I love it. They're prompting us for our break, too. I like it. Okay, ASPCA, link in the show notes. Please donate to a good cause this Christmas. We've got a few of them, so check them out in the show notes. We certainly would appreciate it. We'll be back with more Teresa.

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Oh, you went to the Botanical Gardens? Yes. Oh, how exciting.

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Now you wish there was an HR department, don't you?

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Yes, that's correct. She was missing out on that. And so now she's coming back because she doesn't want to leave it open-ended because then people will be like, but what about that first woman she talked to?

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Did he stub his toe? And don't lie to me because your husband's going to tell me the truth.

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They are just delicious. Thank you so much. As if we need another light-up thing in this house. But, yes, I've got mine.

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So they make me feel these things. And she pointed toward her vagina.

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Yes. She just told you that. She just told you that. Mm-hmm.

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I've run out of Christmas stuff.

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Why are all the ghosts are thanking everybody? I'm being serious. There's not an angry ghost in all the land. No, not at all. I guarantee if I'm stuck in some kind of purgatory where I'm flying in and out of Teresa's hair, I'm going to be pissed. Like, is this really the bitch who I've got? Is there somebody else out there?

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I know. And rather than just rinse and repeat all of the three Christmas-related things that I have, I decided, let me just dress regularly, and then I'll put on a hat or something like that.

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And all that jazz.

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Yeah. The 12 Days of TCB wasn't well thought out in the wardrobe department. No. And barely thought out in the content department.

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Yeah. Teresa's been known to do this. She's very racist, I think, if you ask me. But, you know. I guess that's an opinion that's never been proven in court.

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Do you know someone that would refer to as a noun?

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We're getting there. Kristen and Jeff called me. I got in kind of a tizzy. So my twin brother came over to spend the night on Friday.

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Perfect. Thank you. Congratulations on the death. Yes.

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That's a little strange.

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Yeah, no, she's not.

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She just shook her head. She said, no, that didn't happen.

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Do you, next to her, do you understand that? How about two rows up and to the left? Do you understand that? Is there anybody who understands that?

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Was there anything that I've said previously that you might have understood?

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Yeah, I know. That's a pretty broad statement.

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Yeah, really. Wow. I don't like to be looked at.

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Because his fiance, his new fiance kicked him out of his own house. Yes, because that's what you do when you're newly engaged. You say, fuck you.

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I think she's trying to. She sees that Teresa's embarrassing herself, and she's trying to be nice.

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They're like, this is so creepy. There's the two ladies that are hosting this local morning show, and they are showing a shot of the two ladies who have, by the way, since the beginning, looked pretty skeptical about what's going on when they're showing shots of her. Right now, the look in this woman's face says all you need to know. Like, we should cut this short.

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I think this might go on for another minute. Hold on. Let's see.

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This is why A&E continues to give me $750,000 a year to make my show. That's the thing that pisses me off the most, too, is that... And listen, there are so many television shows we can say the same about in different categories and different circumstances. We were just talking about this before we came on air.

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There's the fetishization of all different kinds of things in reality TV show from dating moms to, you know, people who are overweight too. But this is the worst kind is that there's people at A&E or Lifetime or whatever. They must know that this is just a bunch of parlor tricks here. But yet they put them on TV and edited in a way to make it look like Teresa hits a home run 100% of the time.

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It didn't even take two weeks. I think it was a week and a half. And Kevin's already out on the street. But if you were engaged to Kevin, then you'd probably kick him out too. So Carrie Ann has this like girls party that she does every year. And so she did it at Kevin's house this year. Well, he has a townhouse. So I think there's a little more room to spread your wings.

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Yeah, because she's just trying to, she wants them to buy in. Yeah, she wants them to buy in. And that's also why Teresa does not leave a lot of room for conversation. No, she has to keep talking. Yeah, she needs to drive the narrative because the second that she lets someone else do that, she's in la-la land and it doesn't work.

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She's still trying to convince someone that a fall has made their loved one die. This is the worst part of Teresa's ignorance of her absolute ego driven ignorance is that she makes people think something that isn't true. She just rewrote this lady's story about her husband's death. And she does this all the time. As long as she gets the win, everybody else takes the loss.

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Now this lady, poor lady, if she believes in this, is going to go home and think that for some reason, a fall three years before her husband's death had something to do with his death. And if she had just realized that the fall, you know, I don't know, caused an aneurysm or whatever, then everything would be okay. But at least Teresa looks good on local Chicago morning news. The Windy City. Yeah.

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Of course, Chrissy. You don't know how this works. You've never had that heavy sensation on your breath? That gagging back in your throat?

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The piggy fronting right on the back of your head? Yeah. It's kind of like if, you know, when you're sleeping and Jeff sticks his morning wood into the back of your, you know?

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She says the same thing to every single person. She just uses different words.

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Your casual, absolutely obvious racism is insulting and disgusting, Teresa. You are a hot racist. Oh, man. She's a terrible human being. She's a terrible human being. Do you agree with me, Christina? Are you picking up on this?

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And there's two things that are really funny about this. And then I'll get to you. Number one, Kevin comes over and he is, seems like he's way in the holiday spirit. And I'm like, what he, what happened? You know, he said, listen, when the girls got there, I just decided to stay for a few. Of course, I had to have a few drinks with her friends.

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Yeah, she's short of saying did they get shot by a gang member. You know what I'm saying? It's like she's just so fucking obviously racist.

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She's like, no, not every black person has a shaved head with a design. And by the way, it's the white people who make that look terrible.

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She's asking another black person.

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Oh, Teresa, you are horrible. Cancel her immediately. Get her off television.

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He's like, yes, you do. You're a racist white lady with money.

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She's staring at someone.

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Now she's getting angry with this guy because this guy refused to say that he has money. dead people in his life that have clearly stereotyped haircuts.

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Grandmother, uncle, aunt, brother, sister, mom.

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Excuse me, Chrissy, I'm going through the Rolodex.

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I wish she was here. I wish she would come on this show. I wish she would come on this show. If anybody knows Teresa Caputo makes this happen, I swear I will make a sticker every other day that doesn't brown out, and I will put it on your refrigerator, personally.

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And I said, oh, so you're, you know, he got lubed up a little bit. But then the his the favorite sport over the night became look at the ring camera and see who's drunk.

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It's because dumb shits like you keep on bringing it up so that you can make an extra buck on the next ticket sale or television show or shitty merch that you sell, Teresa. Swear. Now I'm getting angry because I feel like now she's just... It's clear, after having done this long enough with Teresa, that she is so overtly racist. She's a scam artist and a fucking... Prejudiced human being. Yeah.

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And she wants us to believe that she's carrying the weight of the world. You are not carrying the weight of the world. You are white. You are racist. And you are privileged. And you are making money on the backs of people who are vulnerable in shitty situations. And you're taking advantage of them by using words to confuse them about what really happened to their loved ones. Fuck you.

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Merry Christmas. Where's the Tylenol?

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See you later.

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What is happening? I don't know. Why did she... Oh, they're lowering... Oh, they're lowering her mic because the other ladies are trying to do a television show.

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The other ladies are actually doing a television show. This isn't the Teresa show. No.

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Oh, okay. I think it's replaying itself. Yeah, I mean, listen, what else is there to say about Teresa Caputo? She is the world's worst human being. That's all I got to say. No mas.

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Yes, we were watching the ring doorbell cam to watch the ladies come in and out of the party as they were exiting for the night. And it was high entertainment. I bet it was. And this is a sport I haven't gotten into yet.

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Every time. It starts off as shits and giggles and then Brian gets all worked up because Teresa's terrible. She's a terrible. Fuck you. I hope this goes viral. Not for me, but for her. I hope this goes viral because we have shed light on this in the past, but I don't think that it's been quite so obvious as it was today.

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that Teresa Caputo not only is lying to people, scamming people out of money, and doing a parlor trick, but then she's overtly racist about it, which is just terrible. It's just terrible. And that fucking accent, that goddamn hair. Ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho. Oh. She's never had her bell rung before.

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Oh, yeah. Well, she did piggy fronting all the time. Who doesn't love a good piggy fronting every once in a while?

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As does a colonic, too, just to let you know. Tell Jeff... Anytime he needs his bell rung, I'll come over there. I'll let him know. I'll check for smooth texture.

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Hard points. Listen, us guys, we got to stick together, right?

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It's not a sexual thing. It's not mainly a sexual thing.

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It's a health thing, and then it's a sexual thing. Well, we can do both, Chrissy. Tell Jeff we can do both.

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Oh, if we only could. If they had like a little monitor on your finger and you could just go in there, wipe the windshield, and it says your bell's been rung. You're good. You're 100% less likely to get prostate cancer. Check your balls, guys. Make sure you get that prostate check. That's all I got to say. That is an important message.

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And 21 EPMs will reduce your chances of cancer by an estimated 38%. 21 EPMs a month. Are you keeping up? Don't answer that question. You should be keeping up. Astrid gets angry about the sexualized text messages, so don't do that. All right, 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, we are taking them all right there at that phone number.

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TCBpodcast.com, all the audio and the video. YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break for every episode of The Commercial Break moving forward on YouTube and Spotify a couple of days after it comes out on Spotify. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now. Hi, thanks. But I'll tell you that I love you. And I love you. I'll say best to you. Best to you.

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But this made me think of you because I want access to your ring doorbell camera because I know that's probably the best ring doorbell available anywhere in the city of Atlanta is Chrissy and Jeff. I will bet you at least twice a year Chrissy and or Jeff are caught on ring doorbell sans clothing. I will bet you at least twice a year that happens.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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quadruple fitster have no family to celebrate Christmas with this year the commercial break is live the entire holiday season to make you even more miserable than you currently are so put your Christmas pajamas on gather around the Christmas tree and listen to brand new episodes of the commercial break

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You guys do some midnight gardening in the buff. Well, in the summer, you know, hey, listen, we live in Atlanta. You can be excused for, you know, going sans clothing in the summer. So it's like 1030 at night and I can see that my phone is ringing, but I'm laying with one of the kids trying to put them to bed. And it's Jeff, also known as Jeff Hoadley in my phone. Jeff doesn't have a last name.

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He's just Jeff Hoadley. And so I was like, wow, Jeff's calling. Something must be happening with Chrissy. He must be trying to get... I thought he was out of town. So I was like, oh, he must be trying to get a hold of Chrissy. Yeah. Or there's some emergency.

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trimming her tree with her trim she's got it's a trim trim it's a trim trimming uh so i i immediately text back i can't answer because i'm with i don't want to wake my even if there is an emergency i don't want to wake my kids up so fuck chrissy i got to keep the kids asleep but i'm like hey jeff what's going on is everything okay is there an emergency

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Hey, Chrissy, best to you. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe and happy holidays. Sometimes podcasts like ours will take off a lot of time during the holidays, but not us. We're gluttons for punishment. So we have the 12 days of TCB coming at you.

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And he says, oh, yeah, man, I'm just sitting here with Chrissy.

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Well, I texted both of you. I texted both of you because I needed the 411 immediately. There was a drama drop coming and I needed to know. You know what I'm saying? I thought this might be the night when I have to wake everybody up and say, I've got to go down to Atlanta because Chrissy's in trouble. But it wasn't that night. It was just Jeff wondering if I had ever had my bell rung by a doctor.

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You don't call me after seven o'clock at night for any reason.

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I confirm that you do get your bell rung by the doctor. Now, the prostate check is very infrequent now. They usually do not do that because they have found that rubbing your finger over the prostate just causes unnecessary erections.

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Yeah, I thought that Jeff was talking about sticking the finger in the rear. Yes, he was. Oh, I thought it was the grabbing the balls and coughing. It was both. Oh, yeah, there's two separate molestations that go on.

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Well, listen, I mean, you can hardly blame a doctor. Listen, it's boring in a doctor's office. I got a cold. I got the sniffles. I got snot. My back hurts. Every once in a while, they get a young, strong, strapping lad in there. And, you know, slaying their bells is the best thing that they, you know, it's a little break from the monotony. So you can hardly blame them.

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That's like, you know, old-fashioned pedoing. When, you know, you're just a little ball tingling. Never hurt anybody. Under the guise of a medical professor.

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Little finger in the butt.

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I mean, listen.

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December 13th through the 25th, brand new episodes every single day and live fresh episodes during the entire holiday season. As the great Clark Griswold once said, Holy shit, where's the Tylenol? Find it quick and join us this entire holiday season for brand new episodes of the

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It is absolutely incorrect. And it only took them 300 years to realize.

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Since when do they start sticking their fingers in women's anuses? There's no prostate back there. I have never had that. No, no, no, no, no. When I was 30 years old, I got my first bell ringing.

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I call it the bell ringing.

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It does ring like a bell. It is a weird sensation that some people find quite pleasurable, right? I do not. It felt very uncomfortable to me. And as a matter of fact, at times, my doctor had to tell me to relax. The last time I had this done.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. Warm lube. Warm lube if they're being gentle. Yeah, if you're friends, they'll do warm lube. There's a glove that goes on. And it is maybe 20 seconds whole operation.

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But it feels like three minutes, right? It feels like a long time. And the last time that I had this done.

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Yeah. The last time I had this done was at the urologist because I have a family history of prostate cancer. So it was important and early prostate cancer. So it was important for me. This is why 21 EPM sticker even exists. Yeah. It was important for me to make sure that I was getting checked frequently as a young man.

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And so I have a urologist, and I went to him for the first time, and he said, well, listen, this is not like a predeterminative test, but by feeling the nature of your prostate, by feeling whether or not it's hard or soft.

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Yeah, hard or soft, and then they rub it to make sure it's smooth, right? So they take their finger and they do a little window washing, so to speak. They go up there, they wash the windows. The quadruple fist there. That's right.

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And so the last time that I had this done, the doctor took his finger out and he goes, was it tight because you're not relaxed or is it tight? Is that normally how it is? And I was like, what are you talking about? Did you expect it to be loose? Did you want it to be loose, doctor? He asked me that question and I said, I think I'm just a little nervous. When they touch your prostate like that,

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Let me go back one second. When I'm 25, 26 years old, I get invited to basically the Breath of Fire Kundalini cult. Oh, that's right. And in the Kundalini cult, I'm in the tantric sex yoga shop, the level one that they talk about inside of this documentary on HBO. I actually went to like an offshoot of this. Uh-huh.

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And as an offshoot of that offshoot, they say at the beginning, they say, listen, if anybody wants to stay for the live prostate massage. The live prostate massage retreat, it'll happen directly. The retreat. There's a retreat. And if you can find a partner, then you can also follow along with, right?

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So you can imagine, first of all, the sights, smells, and sounds that were going on at the prostate.

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That was a bridge too far, Chrissy. A bridge too far.

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No, I was done. The Kundalini yoga was enough. It was a tantric... And there was no... I guess maybe some people might imagine a tantric yoga workshop would be all about sex. And there is talk of sex, but there is no sex. At least not in the beginning. The level one. Level two, they go for it. So...

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So what I heard from the more, I guess, prostate enthusiasts in the room was that by ringing the bell, you can ring the bell and the outcome can be explosive, if you know what I mean, right? There can really be... a release that goes on there.

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Finger in the butt. Yeah, that's the bell ringing. No, let's call that the jingle bells. There's the jingle bells and then the bell ringing. The jingle bells is grab your nuts and cough, turn your head and cough, and then the finger in the butt is the bell ringing.

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Both important parts of men's health, by the way, at least until recently when they stopped ringing your bell because they figured out that it was just old-fashioned pedoing. Yes, I do. All right. So this happens when I'm 25, 26 years old. And then I know of the prostate massage community and what goes on in there.

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And then when I get my first bell ringing, I was so nervous that I was going to jizz all over the doctor's office. Oh, my God. Starting to clamp up.

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I didn't know. Well, apparently, sometimes that happens. Apparently, sometimes you just go in and it goes out, right? You're there in, you're out, everyone's happy. I guess. I don't know. And so, I'd like to ask Doc Scott about this.

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I think he was at the retreat. I'm sure. I swear to God. I'm sure. So, ever since then, it's not the most pleasurable thing in the world to me, but it has been done less frequently as the years have gone on because doctors say... We have now decided that this is not a great way to determine whether or not you have prostate. There's more advanced ways.

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Yeah, you just take some blood and they can tell it in your cells. But don't let that stop them from a good time. Let's torture Brian with a bell ringing. Now, there's the other thing that he's talking about, which is the jingle bells. The jingle bells.

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The coffin balls. Now, this is really important, and men should do this frequently, is you should examine your own testicles for lumps, bumps, or otherwise weird things that are going on. This is super important, and you have your partner do it, whatever. You guys make a play date out of it.

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I mean, I guess it's not great if you actually do discover a lump, then it kind of kills the mood, but... You can start off that way, right? Yes. So the doctor coughs. You can grab someone's jingle bells and you can hold them. And then when they cough, it can determine whether or not the prostate is working effectively as the balls go up or down.

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That's what I understand because I'm not a doctor, but I stayed at a Holiday Inn last night. And then they may squish them around a little bit just to feel what's going on.

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I went to a doctor, I was just telling you this, I went to a doctor one time, I was having terrible back pain and it started, I didn't know this at the time, but that terrible back pain, I was also then having terrible testicular pain in one of my nuts, in my left nut. So I was like, oh shit, do I have something very serious? Do I have cancer?

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And for the momentary... Second of joy that I get watching 250 pixie sticks fly out of an air conditioner and onto a pizza that's stuck to the roof. I will get in trouble and have a permanent derogatory mark on my record. Your permanent record. My permanent record, quote unquote. I will be on double secret probation for the rest of my life, as my dad would say.

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So I was younger once, too, and I know how this goes. And so I can hardly fault these kids for wanting to wild out a little bit. But what is going on? It is incomplete. It's insanity. It's just the only way to explain it.

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In the moment, in the movie, when Jack Black, there's like a, I don't know because I haven't seen the movie, but there's like a boxing ring. And then Jack Black yells block chicken or something along the lines, announces that block chicken is showing up. I don't know. Somebody can write me in and tell me exactly how the scene goes down.

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But when this happens, and there's lots of video of this, the kids in a coordinated attack against the movie theater owners decide to throw everything that they have in their hands, laps, what they've brought in the door. One person, one kid even brought in a live chicken.

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A live chicken.

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with that don't ask me I don't know I mean are we really trusting the kid taking the tickets to do security they can do their best but there's only so much you could do people don't want secure they don't want you everyone sneaks candy and food into the movie theaters or drugs or whatever the vape or whatever no one wants anybody checking shit and so they don't they just never do but okay

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Everybody goes wild. And they throw popcorn, drinks, juices. They throw it all over the movie theater. And I mean, if you've seen some of these videos, it's like a movie theater that is packed. And all of a sudden, 90% of the movie theater just goes haywire. Popcorn everywhere. Fucking gummy bears on the ceiling. Sour candies at the screen. You know, orange... Fuego everywhere.

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It's like a gathering of the jugglers is what happens momentarily. And it all happens on cue, on this particular cue. This has happened so much and to such destruction of movie theaters because you can imagine if you get Coca-Cola just thrown on a leather seat or a pleather seat, it's a sticky mess. You got to spend hours cleaning it up. It just causes drama for everybody.

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And that doesn't even include the poor people who are just there to watch the movie. Now, I don't think anybody is just watching the movie now. I think that most people have.

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Word is out. They have most movie theaters now, almost every movie theater that has this movie playing, has decided that at the very least, we need to have a security guard stationed inside the theater for this particular part of the movie. But some, a lot of them, have gone so far as to hiring police officers to stand in the movie theater the entire time.

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Like the time that I went and saw a screener of... Whatever that dumb movie was.

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I can't remember either.

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And we love Gina, by the way. Yeah. And the people that were in the movie. And Jack Black was in that movie, too. Jack Black's got a track record of video game movies and ones that have to have police officers inside of the thing. So this is just like, it's a trend everywhere. It's a fad. It's being done, obviously, for videotape. It's being done because you get caught up in the moment.

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Ah!

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It's groupthink mentality. Everybody decides they're going to do this and they get their best thing to throw or shit to spill or whatever. It's just a whole disaster. It's turned into a real, like, kind of nightmare situation for the movie theater owners.

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And the employees, because they are finally getting a movie in 2025 where they're making a bunch of money in a movie business that has not been doing traditionally well for the last couple of years since the pandemic started. And now you've got this hit runaway, unexpected, you know, smash sensation. But you got to deal with this. So I have some advice for the movie theater owners.

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And then I have some advice for the kids going to see the movie.

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Uncle Brian. Movie theater owners, here's my advice. Instead of regular sour gummies, dibbity-dabby gummies, inside of every child gets a free box of gummies, and those gummies have THC, sativa in them.

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calm everybody down a little bit doesn't matter what their age is their little sativa never hurt anybody it's just one unforgettable movie for them it saves you a little bit of drama it's five dollars per gummy everybody will be fine number one advice for the kids going to see the movie well kids you know i say kids you know you you know who you are for the kids going to say say the movie

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Save that energy for getting laid later on in life. You're going to need it. It's a minefield out there, and you're going to need all of that pre-hormonal, hormonal energy for getting your rocks off and finding yourself a suitable mate down the line. Use that energy for good, not for bad.

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chill out, wait till the movie is over, then go out into public and be a nuisance like every other teenager does. Don't be a nuisance in the movie theater. It's just not, you're going to ruin the movie theater. You're going to need to go see movies in down the line. And it could go on your permanent record. Go out in public. Wait until it's nighttime. Sneak out of the house.

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Go meet your favorite girl. Go meet your favorite guy. You know, steal your mom and dad's car. Do shit like that. Do shit that just normal teenagers do that's still rambunctious and idiotic, but that it has a well-worn history of teenage behavior. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like TP a house. Egg your next door neighbor. Of course, that's probably terrorism now. I don't know. Who knows?

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What a voice. A voice like an angel. A Charlie's angel, but an angel nonetheless. I now hope you'll be looking forward to that in-person studio interview just like I am. Boing, boing, boing, boing. All right, let's pay some bills while I get some thrills. We'll be back after this commercial break.

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I mean, you know, you'll probably get arrested and sent to an El Salvadorian jail at this point. But do the regular teenage shit. Destroying a movie theater? Eh. I get it. Wild out. Jump and scream. Have fun. Do a little jig in the hallway. Dance. But don't destroy it. Don't destroy the movie theater. Because you're going to want to go see a movie in that movie theater a couple months from now.

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There's going to be another movie that everyone's going to get all excited about. You know, Barbenheimer 2 or whatever the fuck. Someone's going to get excited about some movie. You're going to want to go see it. And then guess what? Your movie theater owner is going to go, I'm not letting you kids in anymore. I fucked it up last time. I'm not doing that anymore.

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And that's going to be disappointing for everybody. At least if you steal your mom and dad's car at age 14 to go see your new crush. Then it's your dad. Yeah, he's got to keep you. He can't do anything about that.

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Yeah, then my kids are like, I'm like, the fuck we are.

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It's not playing in our universe. That's, it's a, it's a. April Fools! There's no Minecraft movie. No, I'm afraid I'm going to go, like, revert back to a preview of S&T and start throwing stuff. You'll get caught up. I still don't trust my own brain. I still don't know a piece doesn't work. Now, I think destruction of other people's property in general is not like the coolest thing in the world.

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I have done it. I am sorry that I did it. I realize now the error of my ways. It took a couple years, but I saw the error of my ways. It's other people's property. They work hard for it. They're trying to give you a nice time. They're trying to give you a comfortable place to watch a movie that you like. you know, have fun, wild out, do a jig, go crazy, scream and yell.

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You know, that's all, I think that's all well within the parameters of going to see a movie based on Minecraft. Do you know what I'm saying? No one's expecting you're just going to sit there like you're in a library and hang out. At the same time, You know, destroying the movie theater? I don't know. To me, it just takes it a little bit too far. I understand it. I get it. I get the energy.

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I know where it's coming from. I've been there. My fucking little, you know, little man penis is trying to work all its hormones out. I understand. I get it. But you'll see the error of your ways a couple of years from now that destroying that movie theater that then you want to go hang out in or that, you know, is giving you a good time. It's probably not the best.

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Yeah. Yeah. You're right. That language is not going to resonate with someone eight to 15 years old. But you're right. Us adults, it resonates with us. I'm trying to get at the kids. I'm trying to let them know. Like, cool, I'm hip with the kids. Yo, yo, daddy, understand. Yo, yo. Who hot, who not. Minecraft on my cock. I get it. I get it. Ready and ready. I'm ready and ready. I don't understand.

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I got the riz. Don't worry about it. I understand that energy. But take a deep breath. When the scene comes on, go crazy. But go crazy without destroying stuff. You can do it. I know you can. That's my advice to you. Jack Black, congratulations on a late career cycle absolute smash.

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No, Jack Black? We don't want him to go away.

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Not now. It's Minecraft 3, 4, 12, 17. We're going to be hearing cock chicken or block chicken for the rest of our lives.

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Oh, yes.

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They're going to mine Minecraft for every dollar that it's worth. And, you know, they're going to age with this crowd. And Jack is a 50-something-year-old dude. But he's still got that weird, funny, boyish quality about him that I can see why it's resonating with the kids. Because that energy resonated with me when I was 15. Well, I'm getting up there in age, too.

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But it resonated with me when I was a kid, too, that Jack Black energy. And so good for him. Congratulations. Come on the show, Jack. We want you on the show, Jack. Yes, we do. Tell us about Black Chicken. All right, let's take a break. We'll talk about more shit.

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So these dire wolves signal to me that we are yet a little bit closer to this becoming a reality. And we're actually within any earshot of it happening. I don't think it would be outrageous to believe that some dinosaurs, probably smaller ones, if you can find a host to impregnate with, some smaller dinosaurs.

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Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea.

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It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large. And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success.

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Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules. They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything.

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You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Serea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. The wildest shit I think that has probably happened since Dolly. Do you remember Dolly the sheep?

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Okay, Dolly the sheep, for those of you that haven't been around for 20 years. Those of you who haven't been pre-pubescent Minecraft fans for 20 years might remember Dolly. And Dolly is a sheep that was cloned about maybe 30 years ago. Maybe when I was a teenager. Yeah, or maybe a little bit later on in life. I don't remember. Dolly was a sheep.

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The first cloning of another living thing that actually survived. So there was Dolly the sheep and then Dolly the sheep too, which was exactly the same thing because they were cloned. Literally identical twins, essentially. You know, bred and born in captivity and cloned to the exact DNA. Scientists figured it out. Like little evil mad geniuses they are, they figured out how to clone a sheep.

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Fast forward a couple years... Jurassic Park becomes the hit of the century with its movie based on the book by Michael Crichton, which I loved. I do not like sci-fi books. I do not like them at all. I'm sorry. It's just not my thing. But I loved Jurassic Park because it's technical in nature. It gets into the detail about how this happens. Essentially, taking DNA...

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from a dinosaur and doing what they did with Dolly, implanting, impregnating, figuring out how to bring back dinosaurs.

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And over the last couple of years, that conversation has accelerated to the point where they think they can bring back a woolly mammoth by putting that embryo inside of an elephant and allowing it to, you know, get its, it's got, it's the gestation cycle is a little bit different.

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Well, crocodiles are already here, Chrissy.

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For an elephant. But I think they figured it was like 26 months for a woolly mammoth or something like that. But they said they're close, right? They're really close. Well, some dude, and when I say dude, I mean dude.

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Joe Rogan Podcaster Listening Bro decided a couple years ago, a decade ago or whatever it was, I read the story, that he wanted to also start his own, I'm bringing back dinosaurs from the extinct or cool animals that have gone extinct. I'm going to do it. No formal training, no scientific background, no research scientist.

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Oh, okay, okay. I thought, well, Chrissy, I hate to burst your bubble on this one. Update. Kathleen Madigan's breeding him down in Florida.

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He just knew how to get a bunch of money and he had some resources. And so he started hiring some of the best people in this field and figuring out how they do it. And he was watching Game of Thrones one day. And if you're a Game of Thrones watcher, which I am not. I am. But I have seen the scenes with the dire wolf in it. And the dire wolf is an actual thing from way back in the day.

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Huge creatures, huge wolves. that are now extinct and have been for a while. But this bro figured it all out. He put the pieces of the puzzle together. He got a, I think it's a German shepherd, impregnated a German shepherd or another dog, a dog of some sort, impregnated that dog with an embryo of a extinct dire wolf that he figured out how to, you know, scientifically engineer. I don't know.

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He figures out how to do this with a- Quantum cloning. Quantum cloning.

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He figures out how to do all of this, and he engineers himself for direwolf pups. They'd all survive outside of the womb, at least for a little while. And two of them pass away. And two of them survived. Both of them male, I think. So there's going to be no breeding, essentially, of dire wolves. At least not right now. But, and if they did breed, they would be sisters and brothers.

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That would be a little weird. I don't know how all that works out. I think dogs do a lot of inbreeding anyway. Blue's parents do. I'll talk about blue in one second. I got an update on blue. My attitude has turned a little bit on blue. I'll explain why. So the dire wolves are now back here on Earth and already very big. And they're only like nine months old or something.

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And they're already like the size of a German shepherd. I mean, they're big.

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Yeah. So this guy goes on Joe Rogan, announces to the world that this has happened, and now he's been sharing updates and pictures and all this other stuff.

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And they're howling, and it's a little weird because direwolves have not existed on this earth in thousands of years. They do not know what artificial light is for the most part. They do not know what traffic is. They do not know generally what the relationship is.

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Dogs have this genetic code that's now been embedded into them that they are subservient to humans and that we coexist with each other and that they rely on us almost for everything, especially... like the common house dog, right? Not a wolf out there, but even wolves to some degree may have some of that genetic code embedded into them too, depending on what pack they're in or whatever.

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You don't want to go pet one, but there are people who keep wolves. There are people who keep, you know, uh, mixed breed wolves and stuff like that. I actually had a friend when I was in high school and she had a mixed breed wolf and it was, uh, So big. And those teeth were so big. Sharp. And it was like not the friendliest of dogs.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene.

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It was a little skittish. Part wolf. It was part wolf. It made me nervous every time I was around it. With good reason, I think. I think it's just like a good fear to have, right? It's healthy. Yeah, it's like I saw our friend Kathleen Madigan was feeding crocodiles and alligators down in some crocodile farm in Florida the other day.

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And she was like right next to them with a bunch of like raw meat and she was throwing it in their mouths. And I thought to myself, I have a healthy respect for for a perimeter around alligators and crocodiles. I know that they generally don't want to eat humans, but they have, and they might, and I don't want to take chances. I'm okay standing on the other side of the fence. That's cool with me.

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This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

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So these dire wolves are now back in action, not knowing, not having any of that genetic code embedded into them. And what will become of this? Listen, As long as humans have been around, humans have been fucking with genetics. That's just a reality. The Egyptians were breeding corn and all kind of stuff to get the best corn, to get the best things.

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You know, this has been a knowledge that we have had and a curiosity we have had probably as long as we've been able to think that way using tools. But this seems to be like an advancement forward toward that Jurassic Park future that Michael Crichton so smartly told us was probably a dumb idea. I think Jurassic Park might be on its way. I don't think it's so much of a fantasy anymore.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us.

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Or one of two billionaires who's going to decide on his or her private island that they are going to have some dinosaurs, some raptors or some.

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Jurassic Park 14. We yet again couldn't figure out that breeding dinosaurs was a bad idea. We're back, baby! We're back. Fast and the Furious 12 and Jurassic Park 15. Those movies will go on forever. Why? I don't know. I liked Jurassic Park 1. 2 was okay. When What's-His-Name stepped in, you know, okay, it was interesting. Whatever his name, who's the new guy? Who is the new guy?

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I don't remember his name. The guy that said, you know, Guardians of the Galaxy and stuff like that.

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Yeah, you know who I'm talking about. One of the Chris's? Yeah, Chris Pratt. Chris Pratt, Christopher Pratt, Chris Pratt, you know, some of the I watched the one that he was in. OK, all right. I get it. But do I need a 13 and a 14? It's like twisters. OK, people will go see it because they're nostalgic about the first one. But is the story any different this time? How can it be?

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Yes, the girls, some of my girls like to come in here on the break and give us a little show, a little entertainment. Halftime entertainment. Halftime entertainment for the working kids, which is nice of them. But then you have to get them out of here. And that's a whole different animal. And you're like, okay, okay.

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Is it just yet another conversation about the dangers of bringing back extinct animals? Yes, absolutely. It is. And is it going to have Chris with his shirt off and Scarlett Johansson running in some, you know, bubbly outfit from a raptor? Yes, it is. Why? Because this is formulaic. It's like seven little Johnstons. It's the same thing over and over and over again.

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Just, you know, plug and play the new scenario or plot or whatever it is. So these dire wolves signal to me that we are yet a little bit closer to this becoming a reality. And we're actually within any earshot of it happening. I don't think it would be outrageous to believe that some dinosaurs, probably smaller ones, if you can find a host to impregnate with, some smaller dinosaurs.

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Well, crocodiles are already here, Chrissy.

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Update. Kathleen Madigan's breeding him down in Florida.

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Birds, you know, certain birds have certain birds. I don't know. Birds are connected somehow. Concords or something. Sharks. Yeah. Snakes. Like there's I think there's ways that they can probably figure this out. I think it's more about getting the right nutrients and then the mothering or the nurturing that's needed afterwards.

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Like an elephant stays with their mother for like the first three years of its life or something. So I'm sure a woolly mammoth probably does the same thing. And isn't the mother going to start going, It's not like me. You're very hairy.

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And thanks to Dr. Perry for taking care of my carbuncle funcles with a shot of penicillin. So Hundley will be back just as soon as she can. But you know me, I'm here to hold it down while you go to pound town. You know what I'm talking about, guys. Boy, yo, yo, yo, yoing indeed. While we're talking about my boinger, tough judging and competition just as stiff as I was.

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There's a very real thought that you could reject the baby, which happens in nature a lot, unfortunately. But, you know, you look like you look different. This one is not like the other. One of these things is not like the other. And nature ain't so kind a lot of times. We should we could do that with our kids or blue. Yeah. So the dire wolf is back. It is a very pretty animal.

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I understand that tinkering with genetics has always been in our genetics, but it is a little scary to me. It does feel a little weird. A little unnatural. Yeah, to be watching a dire wolf howl on TikTok. You know what I'm saying? When they haven't been around for 5,000 years or whatever it is. It's unnerving at best. And, you know, we'll see how it all rolls out.

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I'll keep you posted on the situation as a noted geneticist myself. I'll have to keep you posted on all the comings and goings of Jurassic Park.

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I read somewhere where kids, they only have like, you know, a certain part of their brain developed until a certain age, which for me was 41. But they, so therefore... Someone said in a reel, if they only listen, so let's say they're only 25% developed at age three or four. So if they only listen to you 25% of the time, consider that a victory, right? Because they don't really know.

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How many times a week do you think a listener goes, yeah, Brian, we heard about that like three weeks ago? and here i am doing a dissertation on it and they're like okay so you read the same cnn article i did okay got it yeah oh you get the daily beast like i do congratulations yes um yeah i sound like i'm smart i'm just reading the same articles you are i get the same apple notifications you do

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But we'll see. And will the dire wolves turn on people? That's the thing that I would be...

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worried about and i know that now they've gone to like a sanctuary not for dire wolves because there are no dire wolf sanctuaries but like a wolf sanctuary okay and they've gone there where they can be monitored and tested upon tested yeah i'm sure they're gonna get needled to death you know poor little things whenever you're the first like a first child you know it's like it's just bad news you're gonna you're gonna have to break walls that's what's gonna happen you are

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Someone free those, don't free the dire wolves for real, but free the, it's like that chimpanzee that kept chasing around Florida with that crazy lady.

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Tonka. Tonka, tonka, day in the wind. Okay, update on Blue.

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So we went on vacation and we had to put Blue into the play place, the doggy place, whatever.

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No one wants to take that dog anywhere. You don't want to subject other states to that. There are laws against that, I think. Yeah. You don't want to subject.

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So we put her, we decided we're going to put her at the place we always put her at, nice doggy place with other dogs. She can have a nice little place on her own. They feed her better and all that good stuff. But the night before we leave, Blue all of a sudden out of nowhere develops a terrible hacking cough where she's spitting stuff up like a foam, like a fluid.

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And at first I thought, oh, well, she's trying to clear something from her throat. And small dogs have a tendency to have what's called a collapsed trachea, especially if you put them on a leash. Their trachea can collapse. Essentially, you're pulling on their leash as they get older. But we don't put Blue on a leash because Blue doesn't go anywhere. Blue just shits in the house and barks at us.

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So there's no leash. There's no collar. We never have that kind of stuff on her. So, you know, as I'm investigating on ChattyGPT what this could be, it says could be, you know, that she's got something stuck in her throat and she's trying to spit it up.

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Well, so this goes on for like three or four hours. It's really loud. It's really annoying. It's kind of waking up the children. They're getting irritated and fussing about. So I give Blue kind of like a modified Heimlich maneuver. I grab her by her belly and I take my fist and I kind of jerk her. And then I pound her on the chest a couple of times. This is not an actual doggy Heimlich maneuver.

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This is Brian pretending like he knows what he's doing. So don't do this to your own dog. But eventually she spits out a lot of hair. And I'm like, well, there you go. Hairball. Where did she get that hair? And why is she eating hair? I don't know. But she's dumb.

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No, she didn't shed at all. No, this was my wife's hair. Yes. As a guy who's been cleaning up my wife's hair for as long as I've had a wife. I know Astrid has a head of hair that is unbelievable. That is the that is the jealousy of every woman on Earth.

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Oh, yes.

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I don't see how Astrid has any more hair left. I go in there every night and I clean up an entire ball of hair from the bathroom floor, from the drain, from whatever. You should see the inside of that drain. I clean it out every three months, that shower drain. It's amazing what comes out of it. Amazing, amazingly disgusting and amazing.

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And another person said that they don't have the ability to choose to prioritize. So everything that they want is their top priority. They don't have the ability to shuffle that in their brain. Getting them to do anything, anything. And there's a bunch of them. So getting them to do anything coordinated is a holy shit of a task. I mean, it really is.

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But anyway, that's just part of life with Astrid, and I love everything about her. And I love her hair. So anyway, so I'm like, how did that dog get that hair? Okay, whatever. But she calms down. But then a couple hours later, it starts back up. So this time I'm like, okay, I'm calling the emergency vet. Do I need to be concerned?

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The emergency vet says, listen, could be a couple of things that aren't good. Could be just she's got kennel cough. Could be that she's got just a weird— Before she went to the kennel. Yeah, but kennel cough, that can be carried, I think, by humans as carriers. We don't have it. But also, there's a million different reasons. Who fucking knows with that dog? She's out there eating bird shit.

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I don't know. She got bird flu, chicken flu, dog flu, block chicken. I'm not sure. I don't know.

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dead animal one time she was and she does that often because that's what i guess yorkies do they eat small dead rodents that have been sitting there for a month it's gross yeah that's why i don't like that dog licking me i'm like especially not if she's been outside So, okay, we get it. I'm like, and the lady at the emergency vet, it's like midnight.

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She's like, eh, you know, it's on the fence here. You can monitor, you can bring her in. We can run some tests. We can see what happens. You know, it's up to you. What do you think? Like, it's hard for me to make this call because it could be a total non-emergency and she's just has something stuck in her throat and she's having a hard time getting it out.

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But if she's breathing okay and acting okay, and she still wants food and water, which she did, then doesn't- But, you know, if an animal is hurt, like really hurt, the first thing they won't do is drink food. That's the first thing that goes away. Just like humans. Like if you're really hurt, you're not sitting down for a cheeseburger, right?

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If you have a compound fracture on your arm, the last thing you're doing is going for ice cream until you get some pain medicine in you. So I'm like, okay, all right. Well, I don't want to pay $700 to get our scene in the middle of the night. And we're supposed to go on vacation tomorrow. This really fucking, what am I supposed to do now? I guess vacation is off. Thanks, Blue. Thanks, Blue.

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Yeah, vacation's canceled, you shitty dog. But I am starting to worry about her a little bit. So I'm trying to think in my mind, what's a plan here where we can scratch both itches? I can still get on vacation without ruining the entire family's, you know, only vacation for the next six months. And make sure that Blue is taken care of and away. And so I'll tell you what happened.

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And then I'll tell you what happened while that happened.

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You're getting good at this, Chrissy. I can tell. 750 episodes in. She's catching on, kids. Look out. Chrissy will be running the board in no time. All right. We'll be back.

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It takes a lot. I'm surprised I'm not in a mental institution yet.

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All right, so what to do about Blue when she's coughing up all this fluid and having kind of a hard time. So I give her a bunch of Robitussin. First order, stop the coughing. Give her some Robitussin.

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Yeah, Robitussin DM.

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Tussin DM. Tussin DM. Make sure it's DM, kids. Not the regular Robitussin. Not the kind with, I don't know. Check it out. Do your own homework. I'm not a vet, and I don't want your dog to die. But I give her some Robitussin, and lo and behold, calms her down. She goes to sleep. Great. If she's fine in the morning, no must, no fuss. We just had a little incident. We'll move on.

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If she's not fine in the morning, I'll call the vet, who I know will keep her if she's not feeling well. They'll keep her at the place. It's not the best situation because it's a vet and you're just being kept in a crate, essentially. But whatever.

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I got a vacation to get to. Fuck blue. Yeah, I got to get a vacation from blue. That's why I need the vacation. I can't then be stuck here because of blue. So I wake up in the morning. She's coughing again. And I'm like, okay, all right. Call the vet. Yes, we'll take her. Bring her in. Okay. The vet says, hey, listen, while she's here, we'll check her out.

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Mental Health Awareness Month in May. And for that, we will be doing the 12 Hours. Call it a baker's dozen of the commercial break on May 31st. That's a Saturday. Mark your calendars. In coordination with Odyssey, our network partner, CTB, our booking agency, and Covert Creative, the PR firm that keeps us chugging along here. All those articles you see in People Magazine, that's from Covert.

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We'll give her some Robitussin if she needs it. We'll figure things out. Okay. I get a phone call a couple of days later from the doctor who says, listen, we've been at the beach. Sorry. While she's at the doctor. And I get a call from the doctor while I'm at the beach. And the vet says, listen, we've been keeping an eye on her and we don't hear the cough. So I don't know.

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You know, there's not much we can do if we can't identify what the cough is, but I'm going to do a full examination and I'll let you know if I find anything out. Okay. Sounds good. Don't hear back. Pick her up yesterday.

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No news is no news as far as I'm concerned. No news means I get to enjoy my vacation. And, you know, I do think about Blue. Like, you know, I got some notifications that there were bad thunderstorms in the area while we were gone. And I know that she does not like that. Like most dogs don't like that. And it's the middle of the night and there's no one at the vet. And I was thinking about her.

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But not that much.

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And then I turned my nighttime Netflix back on and decided, well, what can I do?

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Okay. I am not finished with the pit.

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I think I'm six in. It's really good. Man, is it good. It is. It's a television show that I think people who like good television are watching, and I highly suggest it, but I'm not going to get distracted here, Brian.

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No, not you. I'm reminding my own brain, because I can see going off on a whole 15 minutes about the pit. But we'll do that next episode. All right. So I, whoa, what? Yeah. It's like the blue is dying out there or something. So I go to pick her up yesterday. We couldn't find anything to cough, but here's some medicine that we've been giving her just in case. Okay. Okay. All right. Cool. Cool.

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And the doc is in one of the examination rooms I can kind of see from the front. And I know the doc, and I like the doc, and we have some things in common. And, you know, hey, what's up, doc? And, you know, I someday hope he can give me some narcotic medicine because I'm a dog and I need some Xanax. I don't know. You know, it's always good to be friends with a doc.

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You know, if you ever get shot in some, like, shady backstreet dealing, you need to call the vet. You can't go to the real doctor because they have to report you. But go to the vet. At least that's what they do in the movies. They do. It's just like it's just like a dog. So me up. So, you know, hey, hey, me. Yeah, man. He'd been dealing some health. How you feeling? Yeah, I'm good.

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You know, probably. Yeah. OK. He says, I'm going to call you tomorrow. Oh, OK. About blue. Oh, OK. What's going on? She's got a leaking heart valve. And I'm like, what? And he goes, yeah, there's a murmur in there. It's consistent. It's a leaking heart valve. I'm almost sure of it without doing a full scan. I'm almost sure of it. I've been doing this for a long time.

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And these dogs have a tendency to get these when they get older. And I'll call you and we'll figure out what to do about it. And I'm like, oh, shit. A leaking heart?

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Does not sound good. To me, that sounds like congenitive heart failure, which is what humans get sometimes when they get older. That's just what my neighbor across the street passed away from. By the way, carpet trunk squash lady passed away of congenitive heart failure after I picked her up off the ground. I think I told that story.

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She passed away just a couple of days after that whole incident happened. So I was over there talking to the widow a couple days ago with my neighbor, and that was a tough conversation. They've been married for 58 years. 58 years. And now he's alone. Hadn't been alone in 58 years, and now he's alone.

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I didn't come over here to get all depressed. You need a dog?

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You need a new companion? I got one for you. So I thought to myself, oh, shit. Well, that sucks, you know? And so then I asked Chad GPT what it means. It could be a relatively benign condition. In any case, it's not good. But it could be a relatively benign condition that takes a very long time to play itself out, meaning –

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With not us in there.

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In her case, she'll be 72 years old. I'll be doing the 6000th episode of the commercial break and she'll still be barking in the background. But it could be something much more serious that brings on much a much quicker result, which is always death. Right. And so just last night I just laid down with her and I was like, hey, you little dog, you little fucker.

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You little shithead that drives me crazy, stressing me out to no end 90% of the time. I do love you. You know that, right? I do love you. And I don't want you to go anywhere. But if you have to, let it be quick and painless. That's all I got to say. Let it be quick and let it be painless. That's all I got to say. I don't want to see her suffer. That's all I care about.

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And then the kids and then, you know, and then you got to figure out how to explain to them that the dog's not coming home. I mean, we already did this once with one dog, but they were much younger at that time. And so it was a pretty easy conversation to have. He's not coming back because he's dead. You know, they don't understand what dead means. But you can have a conversation.

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You can kind of have a conversation and figure it out. Now I think they're much more emotionally attached because they've been with the dog for a long time.

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Maybe. Oh, and by the way, covert, they just started with us.

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Yeah, that's right. I can hear them running up and down the hallway with Blue right now.

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So it's a sad update about Blue. You know, we all go. She's nine years old. She's going on 10 years old. So she's not the youngest dog. I thought maybe we'd get another four or five years out of her because she's a Yorkie. She's small. The small dogs live longer. That's just the way that it is. That's the math calculation that they do when they look at average lifespan of a dog.

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The smaller they are, the longer they live. And she's been relatively healthy. I mean, she has two new hips. But besides that, she's been relatively healthy. That's also something that happens to smaller dogs. And so we've had kind of a string of luck with her where with Nico, he was all kinds of a mess.

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Nico was like 12 or 13 years old. But I mean, you know, one leg fell off and then an eyeball popped out and then his teeth were gone and then his nose wasn't like closed up on itself. I don't know. He had a bunch. One eye was shut. I don't know. He was not doing so hot at the end there. I don't want to see Blue go that way. I hope that...

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I don't want to make it sound like they're not doing anything. Because they are. Maybe we should go to Coachella next year.

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I don't wish for a quick death, but I hope that it is painless.

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Probably called while we're here doing this stupid show. So, you know, more important things to do with life. But, you know, again, I love Blue. I just love her. And last night when I was laying here with her, it just made me think about all the times that we did have...

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picturing like a montage really i'm serious yeah i was like i was telling her i'm like she was like laying right there and i was you know leaning down talking to her and i was like remember when i brought you home in my little arms yeah remember that time you barked that other time you barked remember that third fourth time you barked remember that three days when i brought you home and you didn't bark and i thought wow i got a quiet dog it was a great dog

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Remember that time I warned your mother that getting a Yorkie certainly meant we were going to have a noisy existence? Because I did. I said it to her. I said, you know, they're known to be noisy dogs. And Astrid said, yeah, but it's so cute.

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There is no doubt about that. So meditate, say your prayers, give your blessings, good vibes, good energy, you know, to whatever. Whatever happens comes to a quick and natural conclusion. And that blue may, I don't know, rise from the dead to haunt me again. I know what's going to happen as soon as that dog goes. It's going to be a constant, constant pressure to get the next one.

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And I am staying my ground on this one. I'm going to be like, and now I know. My dad did this. We had two dogs in our life. The first one, it was a cocker spaniel, and it lasted for about two weeks, and the dog was gone. I don't know why. I know what I was told. I don't know what the real reason was. It had some health problems, apparently. But we pressured my dad forever and ever and ever.

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And my dad stood firm. He was like, no, no, no. I'm going to take care of it. I'm going to have to feed it. I'm going to have to clean it. I'm going to have to take it to the vet. You're going to have to do nothing except for pet it. And that's not going to be fair to me. And it's not going to be fun for the dog. And you know what? He was right. But we ended up loving that dog, Jordan.

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We ended up loving Jordan. But then after Jordan went, my dad has never even entertained the idea of getting another dog. Now, Now, at his age, I'm not sure you would.

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And did the animals stay with you for the length of their life?

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How did you live in a household with seven or eight animals?

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Yeah, I do remember staying at your grandfather's house one time when your mom was still around. And there was like a cat in my bed and a cat on my head.

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Oh, and there were dogs running around. It was a little bit of a zoo in there.

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But, you know, you look at that in two different ways. I love people who are animal peoples because I'm an animal person too. But I also know there are huge responsibilities. And that once you make a commitment to it, it's just like Blue. Once you make a commitment to the dog, nothing's going to break that commitment.

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No matter how annoying or terrible it gets, I'm seeing it through to the end because I made a promise to you, an unspoken promise that I would feed you, protect you, and house you the best of my ability. Until you came to your natural conclusion or whatever happened.

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And I just refused, even at its zenith, when it was the worst, when Blue was just like as crazy as she could possibly be, barking every minute of every day, driving everybody crazy, biting Nico, you know, even when that was going on. I felt an obligation to make sure that Blue was here with us, with her family. And so, you know, I will feel that obligation until the whatever happens.

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I will keep you posted. I'm sad about it, but I'm hopeful that when I talk to the doc, I think if it was like a dire emergency, he probably would have came out and said, hey, stay for a minute. Let me talk. Right. So I think this is probably one of those.

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Yeah, I think this is probably one of those, hey, listen, it's not good, but, you know, you've got a couple years left. You'll be okay. All right. Well, there you go. I'm going to depress you on your way out the door.

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Yeah, we picked her up yesterday, so she's got like this, you know, stressed hangover. So she'll be okay. We'll figure it out. And if she needs surgery, you know, she can raise money. I'll put her on TikTok. Go fund me. She can go fund me. I've spent so much money on surgeries for that dog. Those two hips were very expensive. Very expensive.

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Okay, listen, I am today on Not Even Mad, the podcast Not Even Mad by Mike Peska, who also does The Gist. You can catch the show, Not Even Mad, on The Gist RSS feed or its own RSS feed. I'll put links in the show notes, so go check it out. Go check me out on that show. Decidedly different from this comedy show, but we're going to have some fun.

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We're going to be talking about the state of podcasting, Joe Rogan, and a bunch of other stuff. Also, May 31st, the 12 hours of TCB. You get an episode and you get an episode and you get an episode. Everybody's going to get an episode on May 31st. So come on and join us. 12 straight hours of the commercial break starting at 10 a.m. We'll release an episode every hour on the RSS feed.

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Turn on your auto downloads, kids. Make sure they're set to at least 10 so that you can get – or 12. Excuse me. I know. to at least 12 so that you can get all the episodes and catch up with them whenever you get a chance. We would appreciate it. Tune it in. It's so we can raise awareness about mental health and to celebrate five years of the commercial break, which somehow go hand in hand.

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Yes, thank you. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3TCB. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, we're taking them all right at that phone number via text message or voicemail. If you leave us a voicemail, you could be the next voice of the commercial break.

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Yeah, sure. I want to die tomorrow. All these children don't need a father. No, I'm not going to go far. I will go from here to the CVS, which is literally at the corner.

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So be mindful about what you say at the commercial break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and YouTube.com slash thecommercialbreak for all the episodes on video the same day they air here on the audio. And TCBpodcast.com, your free sticker, all the audio and video. It's all right there in one location, TCB Podcast. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now. I think so.

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It's in downtown right now.

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Well, I also read that now the airport has spent a billion dollars or whatever to do what they did in Tokyo and some other places and at London Heathrow, which is car park. You know, they have a parking problem at the Atlanta airport, world's busiest airport. They're constantly building new parking decks.

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And right now they're in the middle of an $11 billion renovation of the airport, adding additional terminals and additional gates because it's just busy. They just...

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I know.

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And Hartsfield and Jackson, they both, our mayors, really had the foresight to understand that if we wanted to become, you know, we were the center of railroads for a while. Right, terminus. Terminus. And if we wanted to hang on to that title of the place where the world came to trade, to travel, to connect, then we needed to be on board with that.

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Last night on our sister station, WFUCU, as the 15th annual Crab Apple Idol concluded its season, crowning 27-year-old Elizabeth Saddlebush the new Crab Apple Idol. I'm going to tell you what, guys. A set of lungs on this girl, and her singing wasn't so bad either.

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which they could foresee would become quickly the way that people would prefer to travel. And so they bought a bunch of land right down south.

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And they started building runways that could handle military and the new jet engines that were coming in. They needed like a mile-long runway. And so now we can handle any kind of aircraft anywhere around the world. With the world's busiest airport, I think it's something like 120 million people travel through that airport every year. That's amazing when you think about that. 120 million people.

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That's half a million people a day coming in and out of that airport. But the parking situation, if you're a local here, is kind of a nightmare 90% of the time. If you're lucky, you can get an economy spot near the airport where you keep it there.

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But anyway, they're going to get these little trains that run not on a track, but just on an electric wire, a guide wire, what they call, which is embedded into the road.

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And welcome back to WSHIT, it's Hambone and Hoadley in the mornin'. Hambone here without Hoadley as Hoadley takes some time off to get her carbuncles checked. Those things can be painful. I should know, I had some carbuncles in my motherfuncles. But you know, as the old saying goes, what do you give a radio disc jockey that's got everything? A shot of penicillin.

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Yeah.

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But it's not. It's like it doesn't even have a rail.

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It's a guide wire. What I mean by that is they put a magnetic, electrified magnetic strip in, call it a track, but it's more like a road. The road is dedicated to this like little train. It looks like little- Like a kid's train that you would get in for Easter or at the mall. Do you know what I'm saying? But a little bit bigger than that, covered. And each one holds like two passengers.

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But they have like eight cars connected to it. Little pods. That's what they are. These little pods, they connect up and they make trains. They come pick you up at the, you know, you walk down the aisle when you get done parking. They come pick you up autonomously. And then they zip you to the airport. And there you go. And London Heathrow is already doing it. But they're charging for it.

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It's like, you know, 10 euro to get from the park and then it's 10 euro to get to the airport, 10 euro to get back. So I'm sure Atlanta is also going to charge you for this also. But I just read they just they invested like a billion dollars into this system and they're going to start building it here really soon.

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So you can park far away from the airport where it's cheaper and then spend all that money you save on getting a pod to take you autonomously. Yeah. So we'll do the Waymo. We'll do the pod. Love to go to Coachella. Always wanted to go to... Fuego Fest, the Insane Clown Posse, the Gathering of the Juggalos. I've been talking about that forever. And I know every content.

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I do. You and Tina. Tina would come with me.

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I don't know why, but it seems like something Tina would want to do with me.

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um but i've always wanted to do that and i know every content creator and their mother have gone to the juggalo fest and gotten you know insane footage but i want to join the bandwagon because it seems like a lot of fun and those people seem like they're having fun and generally harmlessly like they're doing a lot of drugs and a lot of drinking and a lot of fuego but at the end of the day if you're having fun that's my kind of party i want to go there why not hey listen hey speaking of party

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She'll be walking away with $500 in Tina Tannen-Twee's gift cards, a one-year residency at Jerry's Casino and Bait Shop, and a six-month lease on a Nissan Sentra from Todd and Bob's Nissan, located on 22 Main Street.

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Minecraft the movie. Oh, yeah. Minecraft.

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The game that was sold by a racist, sexist, the game was developed by a racist, sexist German developer, Dutch developer, whatever he was, many years ago, put online for free, basically, allows people to go in there and build their own worlds out of little blocks. Think of it like blocks.

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And they call it Minecraft because some people really enjoy taking their little axe on their little blockhead figure and mining, just digging as far as they can dig, going and going and going and building new worlds and finding and exploring. And other people build entire cities, entire planets out of these little blocks. Think of it as like an online Lego system, essentially.

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I've never played it. I haven't gotten into it.

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But my godson has gotten into it.

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And I've watched him play and I've watched the Minecraft YouTubers. I've watched a lot of them do their thing. And it can be very interesting and entertaining and sometimes not entertaining to watch somebody else play a video game like Minecraft. But no doubt it's a cultural zeitgeist. It has definitely hit a nerve with that. Let's call it 8 to 28 now.

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age range because it's been around long enough that the kids who were playing it back then are now in their mid-20s late 20s so minecraft the movie with jack black uh who's that big guy that big handsome dude uh with the long hair oh why is his name alluding me jason momoa yeah Jason Momoa and a couple of others have starred in this movie rendition, movie interpretation of Minecraft.

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Notably to mixed reviews by actual people who do this for a living have said, eh, you know, video games are hard to interpret on movies. They always fail in some measure, maybe with the notable exception of Sonic or the Super Mario movie, the latest one. But this one did not get great reviews. However, reviews be damned by 8 to 10-year-olds because they don't give a shit.

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They get to go see a movie that they really enjoy because it's a game that they are so invested in. And now it's come to life in this fantastical way with personalities that are larger than life like Jack Black and Jason Momoa. No one. And I mean no one. God bless him. I love him dearly. Tenacious D will always be one of my favorite comedy bands. It will be my favorite comedy band of all time.

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And while it was a close call between Elizabeth and 16-year-old rock and roll bassoonist Eddie Munhandle, Elizabeth sealed the deal by writhing around on the floor, pandering to the mostly male audience and singing one hell of a cover of this tune. Let's play that song right now.

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You know, Tenacious D is incredible. Jack Black is hilarious. I love him, love him, love him. This is no knock on him. But I'm not sure anybody was picking up the phone and begging for Jack Black to be in a movie. I don't know that, but I'm just not sure that anybody was knocking down his door.

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And I don't think anybody expected that anybody would be knocking down his door after the Minecraft movie. Do you know what I'm saying?

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They gave it a very modest expectation of making $20, $30 million the first weekend. It made like $90 million the first weekend. And now three weekends in, it's at almost $600 million worldwide.

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tracking to be over a billion. It's the top grossing movie in the United States, second top grossing movie in the world for 2025.

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So in the game, because I am a noted Minecraft expert, in the game, there is a couple of characters that apparently everybody just really loves to see. One is a wild chicken and one is called a creeper. I guess the kids are running around here saying creeper, creeper. So I'm assuming that's the name of one of the characters is creeper, little green goblin type guy.

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And then the block chicken, like the chicken. Okay. That's a block because they're all blocks. Everything's made out of blocks in this fucking movie. So now I want you to imagine you and your loved one and possibly a child. But let's just say you and your loved one decide, hey, we're in our 30s. Let's go have some dinner and a movie.

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Let's go check Minecraft out because God knows there's nothing else playing in the movie theaters right now, except for yet another rendition of Jesus Christ on the cross that comes out every Easter. Right. Which also is grossing very highly, by the way. It's the second highest grossing movie over the last week or two. So, okay, let's go see Minecraft, honey. Let's go do that.

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You walk into your favorite movie theater. Nice reclining seats. You get a $30 bucket of popcorn. You get a big gulp. You get Twizzlers that you probably won't finish. You get, you know, whatever, some sour candies that are going to make you sick to your stomach. Glass of wine, maybe. Soft pretzel. And maybe they serve you that fancy food at that fancy type of theater that I don't go to.

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But you know what I'm saying? Yes. All right. You reserve your seat. Beep, beep, beep, boop, boop, boop. And you know what it's so. The theater is going to be crowded. This must be a good movie. We're all going to see the same thing. And you walk in and what you see is a sausage fest of 200 people.

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eight to 15 year olds ready to see this movie ready and charged up full of, you know, prepubescent hormones, just getting all geared up to see Jack black and Jason Momoa interpret your favorite video game on the big screen. And, or so you've heard, there may be a special appearance by Bach chicken and creeper, and they may have a scene in the movie where they go wild and,

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So therefore, in your still yet forming mind, that means you should additionally go wild. Now, let me not throw stones in a glass house as kids, because I know we have kids that listen. I got a friend that I'm texting with. He's a young man.

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I was young once, too, and I put 250 pixie sticks inside of an air conditioner at a hotel that caused the entire school to have to wait two hours before we got back to Atlanta on an out-of-state field trip.

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And I did the pizza thing. And I egged the inside of my best friend's roommate's car. Like, I just did stupid shit. I was young once and I knew that my brain did not function properly. I even knew it in the moment. My brain is really dumb. It doesn't know how to function correctly. Why am I doing this? I shouldn't be doing this. But I'm going to do this because it just seems like a fun thing to do.

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It doesn't matter who you are. Yes, of course, to some degree, to all degrees. I can promise you, when I am not here, looking like a stud, high fade, Done to the nines. I am literally in my pajama pants farting and eating cereal and cream, yelling at my children, kicking my dog around the house, dating high schoolers.

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Now, this is a difficult endeavor to go out there and to put yourself out there and to create in any way, shape, or form. And when you create for a long time, you know, yeah, maybe you find some, like... Maybe you find something organically that works. Maybe you become more natural to your own creative style. You have to find that. It only happens over time.

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I don't fault Bobbi for doing her thing, right? I don't find that particular shtick interesting. It's not interesting to me, but I think it's a little mean-spirited to go stomp on her grave because she's no longer getting the views when Bobby was just trying to create like the rest of us. That's my personal opinion. Now, you want to get me on the Hawk Tua girl, that's a different story altogether.

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I will dance on the Hawk Tua grave because that was a shitty thing that she did. That was super shitty. And Hawk Tua is nowhere to be found. Did you hear about, I told you about Hawk Tua?

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And her Hawk coin, her Tua coin, Tua!

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Of course she did. Yeah, she seems pretty innocent. And she had no fucking clue what she was doing. Yeah. But that, in and of itself, listen, this girl got management three days after that video went viral. Somebody on that management team, a father, a friend, a somebody should have said, slow your roll, girl. You want to make money.

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And you should be making money if everybody else is making money on this Haktua thing. But you got to slow down a little bit and not get yourself involved in every, you know, Dick Harry come lately's fucking bullshit. And for that, she has to take a little responsibility.

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To be fair to Haktua, she did put out a like an Instagram post that said anybody that's been affected by the TuaCoin disaster, please contact the TuaCoin disaster. The great Tuacoin disaster of 2024. Anybody who bought into Tuacoin, you also got to take some personal responsibility. Yes, you do. You bought Tuacoin. Tuacoin! It's a coin based on a girl who said, it started a podcast.

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It wasn't particularly great. But anyway, I will say, I will give Hawk, whatever her name is, Haley, I will give Haley a little bit of credit because at least it seems like she's trying to figure out how she undoes this clusterfuck. But I got to be honest. I mean, I think there's big trouble around the corner for her. I noticed she hasn't put out a podcast episode since that all happened.

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That's a disaster. Yeah, that's... Well, the only other thing that's on her Instagram besides this apology letter is a video of her like at a private island in the Caribbean on a boat sailing around the ocean blue seas.

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Yeah, that's a little tone deaf. Like, you know, let's... Let's be real about it. If you get into something like that and everyone's blaming you for spending their life savings in a terrible way, you probably shouldn't be on a private. You probably shouldn't be publicizing that you're on a private island. That's just bad.

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or more and get your products delivered right to your door visit dollar shave club.com slash tcb and use the code tcb for 20 off 20 or more and remember whatever you shave welcome to the club thanks to dollar shave club for being a sponsor of the commercial break i did try to jog once but it makes the wine just jump right out of your glass

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Chrissy, there's like one dude. One dude was like, I lost $450,000 in HuaCoin. And I'm like, who gave you $450,000 in the first place? And how did you lose it on HuaCoin? What did you think HuaCoin was going to do? Did you really think there were that many people interested in this young lady's longevity or success that they would keep HuaCoin afloat?

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And by the way, had you been in on it, you would have understood like kind of the economics of it. Like now it's easy for me to say this because I'm just looking at videos pointing it out.

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But if you did a little bit of homework about this meme coin, only 90% of the supply was controlled by like 10 different wallets, which means that 10 people, 10 wallets controlled the price of the coin. They could sell and just wipe everybody else out. And that's exactly what they did. So, okay. Anyway. Who A Coin, Bobby Atloff, Gustavo, and what else did I talk about? A little bit of everything.

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A little bit of everything. Johnson City, Tennessee. Johnson City, Tennessee. All right. We'll take a break and we'll talk about Great Wolf. I'll get back to Great Wolf Lodge. We'll be back.

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This episode is sponsored in part by ShipStation. Well, if you've been listening to the commercial break over the holidays, then you know that Chrissy, Christina, and I have been hard at work knocking out 25 episodes in one single month. So we understand just how chaotic a business can be.

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So when you're running an e-commerce business, you understand there's a special kind of chaos that goes on with fulfillment and shipping. But ShipStation is one service that you can count on to help you remain calm day to day When it comes to any and all of your fulfillment needs, you've got to focus on the parts of your business that grow the business and then let ShipStation handle the rest.

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One of the best television shows of this decade is Severance on Apple TV. And I have been patiently waiting like everyone else for season two. Well, the wait is over. Our cup fill is over because on January 17th, Severance season two will be released. This genre-defying television show will blow your mind. It's hard to describe even one minute of it in the short amount of time that I have.

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So I'll tell you this. If you're a fan of dark comedy, sci-fi, romance, drama, dramedy, well-acted, well-written television shows, and or having your mind blown, this is the television show for you, my friend. And now, The Severance Podcast with Adam Scott and Ben Stiller is available for...

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free on the Odyssey app or wherever you listen to your podcasts, and they are re-watching with us season number one every weekday until season number two is released, where they will then re-watch season two with us.

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And they are going to give us an in-depth episode analysis with behind-the-scenes stories, fan questions, and guests from the show, like creator Dan Erickson, as well as John Trattoro and Britt Lauer. Plus, celebrity super fans like Jon Stewart, Kristen Bell, and Dax Shepard are going to stop by. This podcast is going to be another excuse to spend more time thinking about severance.

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If you're not watching this television show, run to Apple TV, watch season one, listen to the companion podcast, and then you too can have clammy hands waiting for season number two to release. It's available now, free on the Odyssey app, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. This episode is sponsored in part by Groons. All right, let's talk about a better way to take care of your health.

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Two for the ropes course. Great. I see you have the blue wristband. That means it's only $29.99 per minute for you to do the ropes course. And I'm like, I have the rawr pack. I'm roaring. I'm supposed to have the rawr here. And he's like, you just get a fucking discount. And I'm like, you got to be kidding me. And he's like, well, the activities that are included are putt-putt. And putt-putt.

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Hey, your immune system's going to thank you, and now you can get up to 45% off when you use the code TCB. That's 45% off when you use that code TCB on Groons Vitamins, and thank you to Groons for being a sponsor of The Commercial Break. All right, last you left me, I was somewhere in the Great Wolf Lodge, stuck in the middle of a piss-soaked lazy river.

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With my young children somewhere south of Atlanta. For those of you who didn't catch the first episode, you might want to go listen to that, and it'll catch you up on what's going on. So after about, Chrissy, we're in this freezing cold pool. Oh, that's right. The wave pool. Yeah, the wave pool.

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The wave pool. Of course. Of course. Of course. They had never seen a wave pool. I mean, you know, they're very young. Of course, they've never seen a wave pool. The waves weren't particularly large. Listen, under circumstances like this, there's no one else in the wave pool. I saw it personally get cleaned. There was a lot of bleach poured into the pool. I would have felt great.

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And it was actually 87 degrees as advertised. But that was not at all. It was barely 80 degrees, if that, maybe 78, 77 degrees. I'm just taking a random guess. The things that I saw in there, it would have been like... I don't know, going to Dunkin' Donuts, watching some lady lick all the donuts, and then having to buy one. Do you know what I'm saying?

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And then having to buy one because your children were hungry. This is how I felt about walking into the Great Wolf Lodge wave pool. Someone licked the donuts, but my kids are hungry, and so I'm going to have to buy them, and I'm going to have to put it in my mouth. And I'm sorry, no matter who you are, no matter how tall you are, you could be Gustavo.

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and he was there with us, by the way, you're going to get that water in your mouth. It's coming in your mouth.

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It's waving right in because your small children are flailing around as the waves are smacking. I mean, my kids were getting hit so hard by these rather small waves, three feet tall. But my kids, some of them are only three feet tall. And so it was just, bam, they didn't know what to do. And so they're just getting pushed and pushed further and hitting their heads on the cement. And

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knocking into everybody else and then there's like adults who can't seem to control themselves in a child's wave pool do you know what i'm saying like it's their first time at the wave pool like lick the donuts be damned i need another bear crawler you know like they need another fucking bear claw in my mouth these adults they're fucking ridiculous to me can you not control yourself for two seconds there are small children around that you're acting the fool though by the way at the great wolf lodge

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I've said this, and I'll say it again. It appears that everyone there is very nice and well-trained. But there was one, count them, one lifeguard guarding this wave pool. Now, it wasn't very big, so maybe they have determined that that's enough, and I'll take that on face value. But when I go to Six Flags Whitewater, there's like 30 lifeguards around that wave pool.

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And putt-putt. And I'm like, I don't want to play putt-putt. Putt-putt's everywhere. No one likes putt-putt.

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Now, Six Flags Whitewater has a bigger wave pool, bigger waves, and much more rowdy children. That's huge. Yeah, it's a huge, it's like, isn't that one of the largest water parks in the country or something?

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Yeah, it is huge. And they have big waves that come there. So that I can understand. And it gets deep. I think it's like 10 feet deep at one end. This is only five feet deep at max. But that one lifeguard, here's a weird thing that lifeguards are doing. Let me stop for a second. Here's a weird thing I've noticed all lifeguards are doing now.

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Remember, do you remember telling me, me telling you the story about how we went to that Margaritaville?

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And the lifeguards were doing like one lifeguard was like moving their head back and forth with their hand. And I thought maybe there was they had a touch of autism or something because that's all they were doing for like 30 minutes. And then somebody else would come in. I've noticed that all lifeguards are now doing this. Why?

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It's a technique, I guess, to make sure that they are paying attention and scanning.

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But they're actually moving their heads back and forth with their hands. It's a little weird. I don't know. Maybe somebody who has a kid that's a lifeguard or has been a lifeguard or is a lifeguard can write in.

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She's a different kind of lifeguard. She's the kind of lifeguard that you pay $10. Actually, it was her friend that came and was a lifeguard for the pool party. Yeah, she did not do that. But she was very attentive. She stood up and was watching the pool. I think I paid her way too much money to do nothing, to be honest with you. There were a bunch of parents in the pool, but whatever.

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You know, and making some hand gesture, basically like, you know, stop fooling around. And every time the whistle blew and I looked over, they were not calling attention to children. They were calling attention to the adults who had been sitting at the bar over there getting fucking sloshed with their yard Bloody Marys or whatever it is. Let's settle down, guys. Come on. You're in.

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This is generally for children. I understand adults can have fun there, too.

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One of the adults had a child like I'm going to guess 10 or 11 years old. They were down in the deep end. And every time a wave came, they were throwing them up in the air. Right. To hit the wave. Which is like, okay, maybe you and your kid have this understanding that that's a fun game, but the pool is crowded. He could land on other people. He could land the wrong way.

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Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

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Like the lifeguard is doing the right thing. You don't throw children at the wave when it's coming their way, right? That's like some form of child abuse. Another example, there's a rope at the end so you don't get sucked into the wave making machine. There's a full grown ass man, hairy back and all with his, you know, oversized board shorts hanging half off his ass.

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And he's hanging on to the rope as the waves come by. And this lady had to blow the whistle 50 times. And this guy's, you know, doing the ways like this. And she's looking right at her and she's going like this. Stop. Stop.

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Yeah, he's just hanging on for dear life. And I thought to myself, really? Really? Did someone not give you a kiss as a child? Because this is like, this is terrible. You're terrible. Stop it. Stop it. So, okay, so all of this is going on, and the wave pool eventually gets too cold. We jump on the lazy river so that we can go. Astrid has now gotten some food with Allie.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for listening. We'll get back to Great Wolf Lodge just here in a short, hot second. But I picked up the studio phone and I want to make it a habit of checking in more often with our listeners and like talking about them on air because they really are a great group of people.

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I think I told you that the towels were stolen. So here we are, stuck in these two chairs, not the kind of chairs that sit up above the ground, the kind that sit way down at the bottom.

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Yes. In a sloped angle cement floor that is going down into the kiddie pool, which is a splash park, which means they have lots of things where you press the button and it sprays water or it dumps water everywhere. The only seats that we could get were actually like halfway in to the splash pool.

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So here we are, cheeseburgers and all, and there are little shits running around spraying us with, you know, just spraying water in your general direction. So I'm eating a soggy, sloppy hamburger that's been pissed on by a Dunkin' Donuts-filled child. It was ick all over. But my kids are loving it. They are loving it.

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So even though some of my kids are a little bit older, and this little splash park here is probably meant for three and under kids, I've got kids that are double that age, but they can still go in there and they can still play. So this little splash park. So now we're done eating. Our stomach's full.

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The best thing to do, the best time to go swimming is right after you've had food, according to all medical experts. So now my kids' stomachs are full, and what are we going to do? We're going to go in the kiddie splash park where they have four little slides. You walk up to the top. There are four slides pouring down water like little waterfalls, and you just go down.

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Those slides, they're not even 10 feet long. They're tiny little slides. There's no tunnel. There's nothing. It's just a slide down into the pool, slide down into the pool, slide down into the pool. There's another lifeguard over there. There's more. Grown-ass adults. That are riding these 10 slides. What? You know, literally landing on small children as they splash down.

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Pulling up their pants and being like, that was awesome to get that one on the Instagram. I can put that one on my Instagrams and TikToks and my Facebooks. I just wanted to kill some of these people because, guys, this is... There's no human being on earth that would look at this pool and say, this is made for me as an adult.

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This is made for a 380 pound, you know, 42 year old man in board shorts and a T-shirt. You know what I'm saying?

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But this couple of guys, these couple of guys, they took it upon themselves, wearing their hats and all, that they needed to slide down these slides more than the children did. As at one time, my son was up there, and one of these guys came. My son was, like, trying to position himself on the thing, and one of these guys came and just got around him and slid down. What? Yes.

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And then he splashes into the water like a three-year-old gets up, you know, hats all disheveled, and he's like, woo! Like that. And I thought to myself... Yeah. One of two things here. One of two things. Either you are challenged in some kind of way. And in that case, I give you a pass because, you know, there you go. And number two, you are in desperate need of a blowjob.

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We don't get too much hate, at least not here on the text message line. That is saved for the reviews where everybody can see them.

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Do you know what I'm saying? You are in desperate need of some sexual affection to mature your ass a little bit because this is terrible. Like you are just acting like a terrible human being.

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I didn't. No. Well, what am I going to do? I'm going to get into a, you know, then I'm going to be the guy on Instagram. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. His wife was already videotaping him. Had a phone, was videotaping him going down the slide. So I can only imagine he's one of these guys that I'm really jealous of because they have 58,000 followers on Instagram and we have three.

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Not thousand, three followers on Instagram. This is one of those cases, you know, I travel Instagram a lot and I wonder exactly how people get these many followers. This is how.

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The kiddie pool at Great Wolf Lodge. And by the way, there's a whole niche out there on Instagram. Great Wolf Lodge.

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If you want to see what it's really like, you feel free to hashtag Great Wolf Lodge because you will see everything that I'm talking about and probably more. It is a thing because there are many of them throughout the country. So after we get done with that and we go on the big water slide a couple of times, it was like a couple of big water slides. Yeah.

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My kids can't get on all of them because some of them require you to be a certain height. And a few of my children are not that height. And so I didn't want to leave them alone. My wife had already decided she had. Astrid was already done with this. By the way, Astrid was done with it as soon as we got started with it.

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Yes.

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Our good friend Brandon hitting us up from Knoxville, Bristol, Johnson City area. That is called the Tri-Cities in East Tennessee. I do love Johnson City. Johnson City is a beautiful little town up there in East... Have you ever been to Johnson City?

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This is one of those things where I knew going in. likely I was going to end up being the sole survivor here at the Astrid. She's too much of a germphobe to be in there. And it was her idea, by the way, to go to this place. But we were there and the baby was getting cold and I knew exactly what was going to happen. And that's okay. So I took the kids on the big rides that they could go on.

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And by the way, those slides, perfectly fun. They really were. They were fun. They were fast. They were long. You know, all the things you would want in the bed or at a Great Wolf Lodge indoor water park. There you go. But after we did this a couple of times, everybody was starting to shiver. And I made the adult call.

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I was going to be one of the few adults at the Great Wolf Lodge to say, hey, listen. I know the wave pool is lovely and now filled with tomatoes and American-sized cheese from the cheeseburgers that people are eating inside of the pool, but let's go get dried off, and then we can find something to do. Yeah, because there are other things to do there.

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There's a mini bowling alley.

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A mini bowling alley. Have you seen these? They're like all electronically controlled. So you go in, you have a reservation, you go in, you type in your name. And the lane is half the length, half the width, and the ball is much smaller. And so are the pins. So you can just basically throw it down. If you're a grown person, you can just like throw overhand it down.

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You just like baseball pitch it down there. But the kids have fun because they can actually pick up the ball and roll it down there.

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And there's no gutters. So it's all just, it's bumper ball essentially is what it is. And they have 10 of those. They have a big rock climbing wall. They have a ropes course. They have aforementioned restaurants, a huge arcade, also known as a money pit for adults, for people with children. So we go upstairs and to our room, which is strategically located as the last room in the entire building.

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So from one side of Great Wolf Lodge to the other side of Great Wolf Lodge, I would say it's probably about 16 miles. So you have to walk 16 miles in your wet bathing suit and T-shirt. I put on a T-shirt and I wrapped a towel around myself. I put my shoes on because that's what adults do after they get out of a pool. Most adults didn't do that.

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So now I want you to imagine riding up in an elevator to the fourth floor, not particularly fast elevator, riding up in the elevator in the fourth floor with various size, shapes, colors and others of people who are in various states of undress.

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Oh, Chrissy. Yeah.

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one guy one guy he had a family with him right and he was short and he was stout he was just he looked like i don't even know how to explain it he was short he was stout you know put a teacup and pour him out i don't know he looked like a teapot that's all i can describe it they had gotten a pizza from downstairs but he couldn't wait the elevator ride to eat the pizza so he would literally had the box in his hand and he was like oh my god without a shirt on or shoes oh

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So did you go down to Johnson City and hang out down there?

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Where do we find these people? They're living amongst us. They're all living amongst us.

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They're your friends. They're the people you're passing on the highway. These are the people in your neighborhood. And they're all fucked up. Go and figure that out.

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Yeah, did I? You know that Raphael, my best friend, his cousin owns a string of restaurants, liquor stores, bars down there. That guy is fucking killing it. Houses, rental houses, taxi cabs.

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Chrissy, if you go to Great Wolf Lodge, there's a lot of people in the world and a lot of them aren't well. And a lot of them showed up at Great Wolf Lodge after the new year. I can imagine. It took us an hour to get back to our room. I swear to God it did. Now I have tired, cold, exhausted children. But the day's not over yet. It's only like 3.30 p.m. And I can't put my kids to bed at 3.30 p.m.

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As much as I want to. I've learned over time that putting your kids to bed at 3.30 p.m. means they're going to wake up at 3.30 a.m. and not want to go back to sleep. So we got upstairs. Everybody gets dried off. I tell the kids, I'd say, I want you to go straight into the room. The shower. The shower. Go to the shower.

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Why, daddy? I just got out of the pool.

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I don't want to. No, no, no. You're not going back downstairs unless you take a shower. One of my kids who's really smart and very contextual was like, it doesn't make much sense why we have to get into the shower after we've been in the pool. I said, would you want to take a shower if you had just peed on your own leg? Yes. I said, that's why we're taking a shower after we got out of the pool.

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Because we just peed on our own leg. But it wasn't our pee.

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And it was more than our leg. Get in the fucking shower. God damn it. And you better don't use that soap in that container that people are probably jizzing in. Use the soap that mommy brought. We are such germphobes, by the way. Oh, I bring my own soap, too. Don't allow for baths anymore because who knows what's going on in those bathtubs. This is the Great Wolf Lodge.

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This ain't the Ritz fucking Carlton. Do you know what I'm saying? And listen, I don't want to sound elitist. I'm not. I'm germaphobic. There's a big difference. I don't mind.

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I know. Because it does take a lot for me to get over, both Astrid and I, to get over the fact that Listen, we know from raising our own children just how disgusting they are. And they are disgusting. Children are disgusting. They're snot-filled throw-up shit rags. That's what they are. And they run around doing all of these things at all times. I will share this story.

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My youngest over the weekend. now we put her in the shower, you know, and I let her go for, yeah, I just let her sit. It's a way to wait, kill 15, 20 minutes, put in the shower. She loves it. We give her a couple of toys. She plays, she sings, she dances. She pretends like she's washing herself off. You know, it's a whole thing. I was in the room, whatever I was doing, talking on the phone.

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Sex workers. I mean, that guy's into everything over there. He is really, like, he's just into everything. Man.

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I can hear daddy, daddy, daddy, poopoo, daddy, poopoo. I turned the corner. Daddy poopoo was right. She's just there doing her thing. And she's like, uh-oh, daddy, poo-poo. Have you ever seen, remember E.T.? Where they put the big cover over the house? Yes, that's what I did with my shower. I hazmatted it. I went and got Drano. I got liquid pipe cleaner. We soaked the floor in bleach.

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We took towels. We threw them out. We did the whole thing. Because I understand that that's how the kids get sick, and it's a never-ending cycle once they do, and we're trying to protect us and them. I mean, getting sick is part of building defenses, but we don't need to be sick every single week of the winter. So when we go to Great Wolf Lodge, imagine this. That was a big chance. Yes, of course.

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It's a norovirus peach tree dish is what it is in the middle of winter.

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And there's no guarantees that the poor people who are cleaning these rooms can get them as clean as they need to be. You can't. It's impossible. It's not their fault.

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How is it that one guy, like in the same circle of people, one guy can miserably fail at every business opportunity that comes his way. And another guy can literally turn shit into gold. He turned a string of restaurants, bars, and liquor stores in Johnson City, fucking Tennessee into a huge success.

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I think we're lucky if they change the sheets. Do you know what I'm saying? I really do. And that's why they put these bottles of soap.

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now that are sitting in every hotel room every place everywhere except for the finest of hotels and i can only imagine what some sick fucks are out there doing to those bottles of soap i don't even want to know people are weird and men especially i guess listen guys i was a boy too once like you know i don't know what's going on with those bottles of soap i don't want to know

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So I take these kids in there and I wash them off as thoroughly as I can. And then I'm like, okay, well, let's go downstairs and try and kill some more time. We go down there. We have now paid like $180 for this all adventure pack. They are our adventure, our adventure pack, which is supposed to get us all kinds of everything for free. We don't have to worry about it. No muss, no fuss.

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We're just supposed to go there. Well, the place is crowded. So we go up to this little stand where you can check into all these different activities. And I'd say, you know, okay, two for the ropes course. Great. I see you have the blue wristband. That means it's only $29.99 per minute for you to do the ropes course. And I'm like, I have the roar pack. I'm roaring.

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I'm supposed to have the roar here. And you just get a fucking discount. And I'm like, you got to be kidding me. And he's like, well, the activities that are included are putt-putt and putt-putt. And putt-putt. And I'm like, I don't want to play putt-putt. Putt-putt's everywhere. No one likes putt-putt. No one likes regular putt-putt. Let's be honest. It's played out a little bit. Okay?

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But guess what we do? We play putt-putt.

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Yes. And Allie and Gustavo decide to do the ropes course. And then Astrid, for some reason, one of my daughters and Astrid are eyeing the climbing wall, a very huge climbing wall, four stories in the air climbing wall on the back of the thing. And they start looking at that climbing wall. And I'm like, oh, my God. My young girl is going to go up there and try and climb four stories?

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I will tell you the surprising end to this story, as well as the pizza shop when we get back.

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I'm down here in Atlanta where literally money's growing on trees, and I can't plant a plum to save my life. I mean, I swear to God. Good for you, Fosse. Good for you. He does have a great set of restaurants. And Fosse, if you want to call and tell me the names of those, I'll shout them out here on air. Yeah, so I love that Johnson City area. It's lovely.

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Astrid and one of my girls eyeing this climbing wall that is three and a half, four stories in the air. It's very tall and it's like a real climbing wall. And there's a bunch of children that are manning this climbing wall. But I can see that they have some kind of, I don't know if you've ever been climbing. Did I tell you this story that

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It's hard. I wouldn't even try because of my fear of heights. I would get, I've been on children's climbing wall. Yes. That's like seven feet. Yeah. Like there's a place, a play place that we go. Yeah. My son wanted me to help him climb up. So I did that, you know, whatever. Yeah.

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And the rope is one of those belay ropes, like an auto belay. So you climb up and then if you fall off, it automatically catches you and lowers you down slowly. It's an auto belay. So it's not someone actually, you know, make me feel a little bit better. Okay.

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At least there's not some, you know, jack off teenager trying to make sure that my daughter doesn't come crashing down or God forbid my wife. So I was like, okay, you know, here, I'll watch the baby while you do this, I guess. You know, be careful up there. Well, my daughter, there's three sections of the wall. There's very difficult, difficult, and easy. So they put my daughter on easy.

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She can barely fit into the harness.

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She's just tall enough to get into the harness. But I give her credit. She's fucking brave. She did it. Listen, she has never seen.

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I know. She has never seen any of her parents exhibit that kind of courage because we don't have that kind of courage. Right. But Astrid gets up there, too. This is going on over the course of an hour. It's like my daughter first, and then we come back to it, and then Astrid and my daughter are doing it.

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And then Gustavo, who's just finished the ropes course, which, of course, I'll never do because that thing's three stories in the air, and you've got to walk on a tight rope and all this stuff. I was like, fuck that. I literally cannot get on a ladder without feeling afraid of heights. But Astrid goes on it, and then she gets down. She probably gets halfway up the wall, and she goes down.

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And then Gustavo and Ale are getting in their gear to go next. And Gustavo goes, hey, brother, you going to go? Come on, brother, let's go. And Astrid turns to him, and she goes, he's not going to do that. Like that. Something about that, those words.

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Compelled my balls. Yeah. to release a high dose of testosterone. And my brain went into auto shut off mode. And after they did it, I just didn't say a word. And after they did it and I got braver and braver. And after Gustavo got down, I think he made it almost all the way up the difficult wall. After he did it, I jumped over there and I said, loop me up, coach.

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I'm ready to go up. I am ready to go up. Chrissy, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know why I'm doing it. I... I have never been in a harness. I don't know how to climb a wall. I don't even know what you're supposed to do. But instinct takes over. And I quickly, quickly, and not looking down once, climbed right up that wall and rang that bell. All the way up to the top. Difficult range.

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And congratulations to my kind of cousin who did it well. Also, I wanted to say that one of our friends, do you remember about a year ago somebody wrote in and they said that they had heard about us on a podcast called The Hillbilly Horror Stories?

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Three and a half stories in the air. To which then my poor hands and body, my old frail body, just gave out. And I knew I knew it was coming, but I was like, OK, I can't hold on any longer.

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And I let go. And the belay released like 10 of the 30 feet, just like. And then it slowed down, but it slowed down in a way that I couldn't catch my body. So I literally landed on the ground flat. To which the young teenager, who I think is there to help you in some way, shape or form. Nice guy was like, whoa, dude. And I was like, oh, man.

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And then I was like having trouble getting myself back up. I was like, and he's just standing on top of me like, you all right, bro? And I was like, yeah, can you help me up? And he's like, wow, bro, you took a hit there. And I was like, yeah, can you help me up?

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I think Astrid has this on video, and if she does, I will put it on our Instagram at the commercial break. Chrissy, this was like, I really felt very proud of myself when I hit that bell, but like most of my life, most accomplishments are then superseded by some embarrassment. Yeah. Can't win for losing. I must have looked like an idiot. I don't even think I've watched the video.

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I haven't watched the video. I must have looked like an idiot just falling non-gracefully three stories down and falling directly on my back. Oh, God. I mean, it's hard.

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Yeah, you know, that'll make you sleep well at night. And then I wonder why my back's hurt for the last couple of days. Actually, now I think I'm putting two and two together. That's it. That's why I landed directly on my back. But I was just, I don't know what made me, it's like the time that I jumped out of an airplane.

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I don't know what made me do it, but some kind of weird thing happens sometimes, even though I'm terrified of heights. And you probably on any other day.

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a whole um zipline zipline situation mile in the air didn't we do like the world's longest zipline yes or the world's highest or something yeah it was very very long it was like 15 different stops yes very long very high up in the air and and there again something in my brain takes over where i can manage to get over the fear you weren't just gonna have me do it no no no no you had to let

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So for the second time in a year, somebody has written in to tell us that they heard about us on Hillbilly Horror Stories, who we shouted out at the time because we had no idea who the Hillbilly Horror Stories were, never communicated with them. We certainly hadn't purchased any ads or done any cross-promotion with them.

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Well, yeah, when you when you decided you were going to come, I think you said, let's we got to do the zip lines. I've read about the zip lines. And what was I going to do? Have you do it by yourself? No, let's both get in a harness, smoke cigarettes all the way through the tree canopy of Costa Rica.

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I think it's a pretty safe assumption. If we're talking about that trip to Costa Rica, one or both of us was fucked up at any given hour of the day or all given hours of the day. That was a wild trip. Yeah, so I fly planes. I jump out of them. I randomly climb up walls. But if you tried to get me on a ladder to change a light bulb in my own house, my knees would shake, literally.

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I don't know what it is. It was crazy. Yeah. So anyway, so now I've had my adventure for the day, right? I've decided, like, I'm a man. And I was so proud of myself. Astrid looks at Gustavo and she goes, he's still got it. And I was like, got what? I don't know. I probably look like a... He's still got it.

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I probably look like a one-legged Spider-Man crawling up that.

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I don't even think I used my feet. I was just pulling myself up.

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Yeah, I just wanted to get to the next thing so I could prove to myself that I could do it. But it was hard. I went on the difficult one. It was hard. So, okay, so. All right, now we're done. Everyone's done. Oh, we get that arcade. And Chrissy, I give those kids, I give them $25. I tell them no, no, no, no, no about the arcade because they started asking the second they saw it.

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And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. Money pit, money pit, money pit. And what do you get at the end? You get a rubbery ball and a pack of three sweet tarts for the $38 you've spent. It doesn't make any sense. But of course, I give in because I'm like... Talk about germs, too. I know. Oh, God.

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No, no, no, no, no. I'll tell you the surprising thing. One second, I'll tell you about cleaning that surprised me a little bit. So we walk into this arcade, and the arcade has surprisingly few video games and a whole bunch of things with claws.

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And you have to drop a little arm in there. They're all spinning around on this wheel real fast. And you have to drop an arm in there to try and shove them off. And if you shove one of them off, you get them. I haven't seen that one. There was a kid... This little shit, every time he dropped that arm, he was getting like 50,000 tickets.

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He was putting them on his arm, and he had a whole sleeve of these tickets. I'm running around with ropes of tickets. Yes, ropes of tickets. And I'm like, I'm fascinated by this kid. pudgy little redhead, just like mastering all of these games. And that wasn't the only time I saw him getting tickets. Wheel of Fortune, he won 10,000 tickets. The kid had like 600,000 tickets.

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And apparently, Jerry and Tracy were the hosts of this show and Jerry passed away. So they wanted to let us know that. And he was apparently loved by a lot of people, according to this listener who also wrote in to tell us about this. And so sorry to hear about Jerry. Jerry. Yeah, not Garcia. That one passed a long time ago, this other one.

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And I'm like, so I asked him, I go, how are you managing to do this? And he goes, well, I've been here a lot. I get real good at it after a while. And I'm like, and where are your mommy and daddy? They're in the room, smoking meth. They're at the bar doing coke. Yeah. So these claws, these claws, they're 10 points each time. And 10 points is like $3. Well, I've given my kids $25.

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Well, I managed to get a claw thing for each of my children, but then fail at successful tips. So basically they get four claw attempts and then they're done with their money. And then they're screaming and yelling because they didn't get the thing that they wanted to really get. So I said, that's enough. That's it. You know, you're getting shitty right now. It's like eight o'clock at night.

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Well, one of the reasons why I say everybody there was really nice is because we actually didn't have the tickets to get them what they wanted. And the people just let us. They were like, I'll just have it. That's nice. Which was nice. But then I thought about it. I just spent $110 at your arcade. Thanks for the bouncy ball that cost that cent. That cost one red cent.

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Yes. Give it to him. He's in $6,000 now. Yeah. Great Wolf Lodge.

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That's right.

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Checkout's at 11, but we got out at 7 before they ran the credit cards. Because I didn't want them to lock me in the room. So we go back upstairs and now everybody's fussy, everybody's tired, and everybody's hungry. That's it.

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So we're trying to figure out what to do. We've seen other people have other pizza boxes, like outside pizza places, boxes there. But we decide no because that may take a long time. Yeah. And we don't know what to trust out this far. Like we don't know which pizza place.

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He had the pizza from downstairs. From downstairs. Yeah. The Wolfie's Pizza. Yeah. Everything is Wolfie something, right? Swim, swim, Wolfie's dolphin or whatever it is. There's the taco place. There's the burger place. There's the Dunkin' Donuts. There's the ice cream shop. There's the pizza place. And there's a cafeteria like place where they just make cafeteria type food.

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Well, the cafeteria place, for one reason or the other, wasn't open. I'm imagining dysentery, but, you know, who knows? It's like a cruise ship.

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The health department shut them down. I don't know. The taco place is open, but I'm not sure I trust tacos from Great Wolf Lodge.

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The Wolfie Taco. Yeah. And by the way, no one seemed to be getting the Wolfie Tacos, so it made me a little suspicious. It's like my father-in-law always says, if the restaurant isn't crowded, there's a reason, right? It's not good, probably. So I thought to myself, well, I'm not sure I want to get the shits before I leave Great Wolf Lodge in 12 hours.

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And then the burger place, well, we've already had the burgers. So let's not have burgers twice. So what's pizza? So Astrid finds a way that you can order online. You can order the pizzas to be picked up down at this pizza place that's embedded in the inside of the adventure park. So Astrid orders whatever it is, four pizzas, wing, a bunch of stuff. And she says, okay, be ready in 30 minutes.

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But sorry to hear about Jerry and thanks to Hillbilly Horror Stories.

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Okay. So one of my kids begging me, can I go with, can I go with, can I go with, can I go with? And I know what it's going to be is just I want to buy the next thing. I want to buy the next thing. I want to buy the next thing.

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But as a father, sometimes you actually do have to hang out with your children. So I was like, all right. These are the kind of moments they'll remember when they get older. My daddy told me no for an hour straight waiting for pizza as he got increasingly frustrated at humans in general.

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So I tell Astrid after like 25 minutes, all right, it takes an hour to walk down there, so I'm going to go, and it'll be ready by the time I get there. Well, I go down there. They got these big screens. It's not even a pizza place. It's like there's a counter, and that counter, they have a – They have a big glass refrigerator full of drinks. They have a counter.

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The counter has plastic plates, bags, cups, and then it's got like some cookies behind the glass and some other stuff behind the glass and the little cash register over to the right where you can order stuff. Then it's got these screen... It's probably got...

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seven tables in this little area and then a bunch of tables outside it's still inside the facility but outside the actual in enclosure that is the pizza place but then there's no ovens right behind that there's just this big wolf sign and then there's a door where i imagine the kitchen is somewhere back there okay they probably make all the food at one place and then just bring it to its respective restaurants do you know what i'm saying yes i would say so they freeze it

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Probably. I have to imagine. Yes. And then after we started doing... And I'm not claiming this was done because of, but I have also noticed there is a semi-popular podcast that is now... just exclusively reviewing mountain monsters. That's all they do. But I have to imagine that maybe it has something to do with me. Because I always imagine that. You're the center of the universe. That's right.

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Yeah.

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This is not fresh pizza. This is DiGiorno's afterthought pizza. That's DiGiorno reject. Yes, that's right. Chucked in in mass and cooked there in some weird oven. So we've got four of these pizzas, big screens, and they've got names. Order name, so it's got your last name, ready.

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And then they're just shoving them in this box, and there's one poor kid whose responsibility is to yell out the names of the orders and try and get people their pizza. Well, what I noticed as soon as I walk in is that our name is there's like four screens and our name is on the fourth screen. And they're just getting to the people on the left hand side of the screen.

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And I'm like, I go, all right, son, take a seat. We're going to be here for a minute. I already know this. There are people that are sitting there, all of them waiting for pizza, you can tell. There are certain people who you can already understand are irritated by this whole situation.

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Yes. There is a story to this moment, and you are walking in on that story, and you don't know what's going on. So my spidey senses are up. I'm trying to figure out... Is there going to be a fistfight over the Wolfie's pizza or is someone going to lose their shit? Because there are certain indicators that I won't get into right now for various reasons.

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There are certain indicators on certain people that tell me that it's likely that someone could explode. Someone could explode or is in the process of exploding and I'm just walking into it. So I find a table. I sit my kid down right in front of the glass window. There is a lady with her three children and she keeps walking back and forth trying to get the guy behind there's attention.

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She keeps on every five seconds. Is that ours? Is that ours? Is that ours? And he keeps on saying, no, it's not. I know your name as soon as. OK. The guy goes back to get more pizzas, comes back. I start realizing that every time the guy went back to get pizzas, she takes a plastic bag from like one of those things you see at Kroger, like a plastic bag hanger. She takes a plastic bag.

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She puts plates and napkins in it and she tells her kid to go get a drink. And the kid puts the drinks in another plastic bag. That kid takes all of the accoutrements outside the restaurant and the kid comes back. What? Every time the guy leaves, this lady is stealing plates, plastic bags. She literally took like 50 plastic bags off the thing and stuffed them in another plastic bag.

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Told her kid to go get more drinks and off away that goes. These people are stealing from the Great Wolf Lodge. Drinks, waters, sodas, utensils, napkins. It's like, what level of desperate? You could afford to come to the Great Wolf Lodge. You can afford paper plates and napkins, and other people may need them.

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This is going to make it twice as expensive next time I decide to come to the Great Wolf Lodge because you're shitting on me. The honor system. She did have a scam going on. And I don't know. I'm sure other people noticed it. I couldn't have been the only one. Meanwhile, my son is like, can I watch your phone? Can I watch your phone? Can I watch your phone?

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And I am engrossed in what is going on. And so finally, I just like I make it a rule of not giving my phone to my kids anywhere. But I just hand him the phone and I'm like, here you go. Meanwhile, he's on like you porn and I'm here watching the ladies steal drinks. Yeah. I'm just going, should I say something or should I not say something?

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Because, you know, this day and age, sometimes it's dangerous to say something. And maybe, just maybe, I'm making the assumption that she's not paying for it, but maybe it's possible that she paid for it. Well, after like the fifth time of grabbing four or five different liters of like Gatorade and soda, there's no way. Because...

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Yes, there was an honor system in the sense the guy would hand you your pizza. He handed me my pizza. And then he said, you can get your drinks. I see you have this. You can get your drinks from the thing. He was telling everybody that. Right. But he wasn't really paying attention to what you were getting.

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But, you know, my kid's watching, and so I feel like even if I wanted an extra soda, I don't think I would do it, even if he wasn't there. But I'm certainly not going to do it with my kid there. No way.

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Yes. In the scam. In the theft of the Great Wolf Lodge pizza place. So after this lady got her pizza, there were people behind me, and they were in slow motion redneck explosion over how long this was taking their pizza. And I could hear them talking, the parents talking amongst themselves, the children yelling at, saying, you know, when's this fucking pizza going to be ready, dad?

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One of our good friends says, wow, a whole show about naked penises and an in-depth conversation about billionaire politics. At this rate, you're going to make me a lifelong TCB listener. I think that's Sean.

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And the dad would be like, I don't know, son, but I'm getting real pissed off. Yeah, I'm getting pissed off, too. You know, like a whole family of shitheads. Do you know what I'm saying? Like they're breeding them in some kind of Peachtree dish for dinner.

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assholes and i can hear these kids you know and my kid is like daddy i think that guy said the word asshole and i'm like he did and you don't repeat it only daddy can say that on his podcast because that's how we make money and you'll learn you'll learn the hypocrisy of daddy later on in life but for right now you can't say the word asshole that's right

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So eventually, after like 40 minutes, our name comes up and the guy comes up with our pizza. I know we won the pizza lottery, but when we stand up, The guy behind me is at the counter before I am. He stands up right away and walks right in front of me. And he goes, is that our pizza? And I go, I think he called my name. And he looks at the guy and he goes, this guy was here after us.

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And he goes, it goes in order. And maybe you were. Yeah, they ordered it before you. Oh, my God. Did this guy blow up at this kid? Yeah. And he was like, this makes no sense. How do you fucking run an operation like this when people are waiting and this guy gets it before that guy? There's no making sense of this. Blah, blah, blah. This poor teenager is like, sir, I'll get my manager.

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But this is the way it is. You have to wait for your pizza. It'll be up soon.

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Oh, my God. It was just like the worst of humanity comes out.

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And this is happening so much. We see it on social media. And now it's just like unfolding in front of my eyes. It's not the first time. It won't be the last time. But finally, I just couldn't take it. I make it a point not to get involved because, you know, I got kids with me. Like, I don't want to be the ire of anybody's displeasure. Right. But I finally looked at the guy and I go, hey, man.

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He's a kid. He's just doing what he's told to do. I know I waited a long time for the pizza, too. Like, you got to give him a break. It's very busy in here. He just he's just trying to do what he's going to do. And the guy goes, man, fuck that. We all been waiting here 40 minutes. I go, I know I waited as long, too, but it'll be good once you get it. Just give him a break. Right.

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Yeah, our naked attraction episode. So, you know, sorry to hit you over the head with a bunch of balls to start the year off. But, I mean, what else are you doing? You know what I'm saying? Well, bam. Our favorite trucker says, can never do too much Frankie B. I'd listen to a podcast if they strictly did only Frankie B content.

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Just give him a break. He's not the one that's making this all everybody in this whole operation. Yeah. And the guy, to his small credit, after having a major meltdown on this 14-year-old teenager, did go and sit down as I was leaving the restaurant, right? But I was like, and then my kid is like this. He goes, Daddy, what did you say to that guy?

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And I go, I just told him it would probably be best that he didn't yell anymore in the restaurant. And he goes, my kid goes, yeah, but we did wait a long time for the pizza. And I thought to myself, I am also growing a shithead in a Peachtree dish. We are all friends. And you know what? There's not much I can do about it.

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Did I say peach tree dish?

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It's the Georgia thing. It's also early in the week, so I'm still trying to get my sea legs under me. So you have to peach tree dish. It's a Lamborghini. Lamborghini. Lamborghini.

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You don't know how many words I get wrong all the time. I'm just a wordsmith that can't get the words right.

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No, that's not true. We're planning our next visit to the Great Wolf Lodge. Well, here's the thing. I also don't really care for Disney World right now with small children. And I think some things have just gotten out of control about Disney World. Pricing.

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layoff staff over commercialization even though i'm that's funny i'm saying that about disney world but they've over over commercialized it uh but the children love it and it's not about me for once in my goddamn life i'm not going to be selfish we will at some point go back to the great wolf lodge because the kids had so much fun and no one ended up with their anuses falling out so there you go i guess we'll give it that no one threw up

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But what surprised me about the Great Wolf Lodge as far as cleaning was concerned is we could see inside of the glass walls of that place. And when the pool closed at 9 p.m., I didn't see one, not one person in there cleaning. Now, it's very possible that could have been done later on in the night.

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It could be done down under in the machinery. I don't know. But I thought certainly a crew is going to go in there and just spray that place down.

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Listen, I'm sure somebody who works there can tell me differently, but I didn't see anybody in there, and that made me a little bit surprised.

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We did. Oh, you did? Yeah, we got up, and I took the kids to the pool, and we had fun. Anyway, 212-433-3TCB.

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for uh 212-433-3TCB tcbpodcast.com add the commercial break on instagram tcbpodcast.tiktok and youtube.com slash the commercial break okay Chrissy that's all I can do for now I think so but I'll say that I love you best to you best to you out there in the podcast universe until next time Chrissy and I will say we do say and we must say goodbye

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Well, just go back, listen to season number two and three of the commercial break, and you'll get what you want. We talked about Sidney a couple of months ago. Sidney had written in. He had written us a letter, asked for some advice, talked about some things. And we didn't know whether or not to refer to Sidney as a girl or a boy. I have found out that Sidney is a boy. Sid is a boy. Okay.

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Sid listened to the 12 Days of TCB. He says we're crushing it. And he just wanted to let us know that he and his girlfriend give each other gifts. Him and his lady give each other gifts. How do you keep it a secret? Remember we talked about that? And we said you don't keep it a secret because we just talked about it on the commercial break. Taj says, happy holidays.

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This is back from the holidays. We're just getting to some of these now. But that's better than we used to be where we would get to it six months later. That's right. She volunteers with the local SPCA. They foster cats and dogs throughout the year. And this Christmas, she'll be alone. But she's got TCB in the 13 days. She thanks us for putting together the 13 days.

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By the way, everybody in the text messages referred to it as the 13 days of TCB because that's actually what it was. And someone says, where have all the PUA's gone? Can we do some more Frankie B? Then we did some more Frankie B. She says, you read my mind. Love you. Love TCB. Keep it going forever. You're welcome, of course.

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So just a small snapshot of some of our listeners out there writing in and saying wonderful things about us. Thank you for writing. I do, do, do love our listeners. They are... Absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, listen... We've said this before. We'll say it again. Podcasting can be a lonely venture because part of the reason – let me share this.

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We have Gustavo coming up on a special episode on Saturday in celebration of the USA versus Venezuela international soccer match that will take place here in Miami.

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That was Columbia, I think.

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The America's Cup Final at the Hard Rock down there, which is the same place they're going to play this. People were literally creating stampedes to get in without tickets. And like... It's just beyond me. There are families there. There are children there. There are people who paid good money. And I understand that ticket prices are out of control.

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That's what makes us all unique and interesting, and honestly, I think that's pretty fucking great. Dollar Shave Club is for everybody and every budget. Whether you like to go smooth like a baby's bottom or you're maintaining a fantastic manscaped beard like I do, Dollar Shave Club offers grooming products that are always high quality and always the right price.

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But that doesn't mean that then you can go put everybody else's life in danger. You're a fucking moron. Don't do that. That's just ridiculous.

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Go watch it on TV like the rest of us poor people.

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Listen, I can't go see. I can't go see Chris Rock in concert anymore either. It's too expensive. So you know what I do? I wait till it comes out on Netflix. That's what you do. It is, in my opinion, sometimes sporting matches are better when you're watching it on TV. Especially when there are stampedes running through the fucking hallways. I couldn't imagine.

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I put myself, you know, we had a lot of friends that were down there because, you know, Miami and the Latin connection. And so... We had friends that were down there and the videos that they were showing through WhatsApp were insane. It was like a life or death situation for some people. Now, luckily, I think only one person passed away from a heart attack or something like that.

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But that could have been a really sticky situation. Anyway, it's Venezuela versus America. You know, the Americans are too lazy to do it. You know, they're too lazy to stampede. And, you know, God love the Venezuelans. They'll probably be a little bit late. So there you go. It's not going to turn out just fine. But that's going to be a good match. I can't wait.

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Anyway, Gustavo is coming on on Saturday. Here's the reason why I bring up Gustavo. Special episode with Gustavo coming in as a guest. Here's why I bring it up. Because Gustavo has this fear of the microphone. He has a real fear of getting on the microphone. And the way that I talked him off the ledge was to explain to him that podcasting is an extremely lonely venture.

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There's literally no one on the other side. It's a camera, a microphone, and no one else in the room. There's nothing to be scared of. No one's going to give you instant feedback. You're not going to feel embarrassed by being in front of a bunch of people. You'll just feel that way later. You'll feel that way after the episode comes out.

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You'll beg me to take it off the RSS feed, and I'll say, ah, ah, ah. But podcasting can be a lonely venture. And when you guys text in and you let us know about your lives and how TCB interacts with that life, it really is something special. It is something that I'm grateful for.

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I think that this would be... I think it would be a different vibe for me if I didn't know that there were people on the other end and some of them... Loving us and hating us. Yeah, loving us and hating us. Listen... It's hard sometimes not to take the criticisms and internalize them. And that is why I never, ever read the reviews anymore. I don't Google the commercial, Blake. Blake.

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I don't do any of that because I just don't, you know, whatever. But when on the odd.

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That's right. On the odd and off chance that we get like somebody writes in and it's not so nice, I just ignore it. You know, I'm like, whatever. I say thanks for listening. What am I going to do? I can't make everybody happy.

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Speaking of not making everybody happy, do you remember the podcaster Bobby Althoff? The Atloff. Is it Atloff? Bobby Atloff. You remember, Christina? This young girl who was like a homemaker. She was doing videos about... cooking food in her house and stuff like that. And then one day, all of the sudden, she gets an interview with a celebrity. I think it was a celebrity rapper.

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And this interview goes viral because her way of interviewing people was extraordinarily weird, dry, maybe even a little bit off-putting. She was very quiet. She was very confrontational, but she wasn't like loud about it. She would be like, you're kind of ugly. She would say stuff like that. And I'm not even kidding. It was like really weird. So she went super viral.

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Millions and millions of views in just a couple of months. So Bobby then has this runaway train of a successful podcast. And she gets all of these celebrities to come on the podcast. A lot of rappers, a lot of R&B stars. Drake. She does a famous interview with Drake in a bed.

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Okay. In a bed. She starts kind of hitting on him. She is married with a child. That husband soon files for divorce. Oh, God. For a long time. people, and people had been whispering, like a whisper campaign, that WME, the agency who represented her, the William Morris Endeavor Agency,

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who are very big players in the podcast space, that WME, that she was an industry plant, that WME had essentially taken their other clients, their famous clients, and strategized, constructed this out of kind of whole cloth because Drake was their client, this other rapper was their client, lots of her guests were their clients.

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Reality wasn't real.

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It's hard to believe. And early on, a very well-placed source in the podcast industry had told me that she was an industry plant. Now, I don't even know what that means, really. Because at the end of the day, you know, you could say that, like, our views manufactured, our downloads manufactured, whatever. I don't know. Who cares? It doesn't really matter.

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If people like the content, is she really an industry plant or is she just someone that kind of struck while the iron was hot? But people have been... kind of eulogizing her over the last couple of weeks or month because her views have plummeted. She's like not the hot thing anymore. As time went on, people started to understand that Bobbi was not the person that was on the podcast.

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She had a much different personality in real life and that a lot of this stuff was just kind of for the cameras. She also made a few comments like – I heard that somebody else was making half a million dollars podcasting, so that's what I need to do so I can make half a million dollars. In other words, people felt like she wasn't doing it for the love of the podcast.

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Listen, let me explain something to you. There are no millions of dollars in this type of podcasting. I mean, you can certainly reach those successes and those heights, But for every Joe Rogan, Conan O'Brien, and Theo Vaughn, Dax Shepard smart list, there are 50 of us who are just paying the bills. That's it. And barely. And some months not even. Bobby was not that kind of podcast.

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She was not the smart list kind of podcaster. She had a lot of YouTube views, but YouTube monetizes much differently than podcasts do. And so here's the reason why I say this while we're talking about this, and then we'll get on to Great Wolf Lodge. I feel a little bit bad for Bobby, if I'm being honest. Because, yeah, maybe she's an industry plant and WME helped her get those guests on her show.

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But people had to find her genuinely interesting in order for those views to happen. It wasn't... And... That's the name of the business. If you have an agency, you fully expect they're going to help you make connections. That's why you have an agency to make those kind of connections. Bobby was playing a character on a podcast. Everybody's playing a character when the camera turns on.

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And a lot of people for a long time have believed that he had something to do with it.

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Some kind of involvement. But then number two, and I think maybe even more damning, How many people went to these parties and knew that this shit was going on and have not ever and not now said a fucking word? Nobody. Nobody. No famous person. No Beyonce. No.

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I mean, you could go on and you could name people forever, up to and including, I don't know, the other day I saw like Seinfeld or somebody was at these parties. I can't remember.

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Couldn't agree with you more. Being there doesn't implicate you in some crazy, illegal, violent sex party. That's not the truth. But there are certainly people who went to those parties who had to have known something was going on or participated in something or were forced to do something or were part of something. And no one.

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And I mean, no one in the celebrity, you know, a group of celebrities, big, big old blanket here has said a fucking word. No one. The only person I have heard that has talked about this is Howard Stern. And what did he say? This is what he said. And this is Howard's story. And so I might be bastardizing it. And you can text me and tell me if you know that you know something different.

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But what he said was he was invited to one of these white parties. And that he went and that he was put in a cordoned off area at the house and he was not allowed to go to any other part of the house. And the cordoned off area where he was was not like where all the other big time celebrities were. That he was kind of just like shoved in a corner and had to stay there.

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Yes, like with a rope. That's the way he tells the story.

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He didn't stay. He left. I mean, I would too. You invited me here to put me into a corner. I can't even go into the house. What are you talking about? That's the kind of thing that happens to Brian Greene, Howard Stern. Because I have been to parties.

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I have waited so long to tell this story. It wasn't you. Did you go with me to the party at the house in the mansion at Simcoe FM? No, I did not. All right. I'm going to tell this story in a few minutes. On the opposite side of the break, I'll tell the story, and you will be fascinated.

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The My Sweet 16 party that I ended up showing up at. That's right. And not because I knew that it was a My Sweet 16 party. Oh.

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All right. I'll tell you this story. Oh, it was me and Cam, I think. I think it was me and Cam that ended up duped into going to my Sweet 16 party. And let me tell you about this party. I will in just a few minutes. But if you go to a party and they're coordinating you off and there was like security, armed security, not letting Howard go anywhere.

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Why? Why wouldn't he be able to go anywhere?

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That's right. You got it. You got it. Because he is a huge blabber fucking mouth. Just like no one's ever going to tell Brian a secret. My family stopped talking to me because they don't want to hear it on the air. They don't want to hear it on the radio. This is just like it befuddles me. And no one has come out in the defense of any of these alleged victims. And no one has come out.

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No one's coming out in defense of him. Well, because I think everyone pretty much knows they got his number. What do you have, 65,000 gallons of lube in your basement?

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And what I'm... I guess my finer point is that none of these celebrities have come out. Like, these people who were at the parties, who may have known, who saw something, who could have just, like, had an inkling that something was going on. Like, you know... Not everyone's super sharp, but a lot of people have good intuition and they go, what's going on in that back room over there?

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And why are these people and why is this person completely plunked out? And why is that person doesn't have control over their arms and legs?

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Inner sanctum and your inner rectum. I saw a video of like Leo DiCaprio at some of these parties and he was conked out. Justin Bieber and he was conked out. There's a lot of celebrities that were in like really weird states of mind that videos are now coming out from back in the late 90s, early 2000s.

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And they just look like they're in a different frame of mind altogether, like not their right mind. So anyway, listen. I guess it's all going to come out. Whatever the prosecution has against him. And listen, if this is a witch hunt, this is all alleged and innocent until proven guilty. I think one thing he's clearly guilty of is battering. That's for sure.

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Assault and battery without any doubt, like aggravated assault and battery without any doubt. And for that, there is. Indisputable evidence, indisputable proof that that happened. And he needs to have some time to think about that on his own. Right. And he needs to make amends for that. But if any of this other stuff is true, throw away the key.

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Now, if he's innocent, I'll be the first one to come on here and say they had it wrong.

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And you know there's videos.

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No. And you know there's videos. You know there's videos.

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Pictures. Whatever. Videos. People went home and took pictures of themselves battered, bruised in different states. You know that there's all kind of shit that's just going to come up through the woodwork. And I think he knows. I think he knows that this has now got to be a trial of public opinion.

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And that's the only way that he's going to win is if for some reason he gets the jury to believe that the government is after him for some reason. And we see that works all the time. So, you know, welcome to 2020 fucking five.

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Let's be optimistic that the prosecution gets this one right. And by the way, the government does go after people all the time that are innocent.

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I'm playing both sides of the fence. I'm like Perry Mason today. I'm trying to... Trying to balance the, what do they call that? Balance the levers of justice, the scales of justice, Chrissy.

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Perry fucking Mason. That's me. I am an investigator with a keen eye and a good sense of smell.

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True story. And without a whole shitload of lube. That's all I got to say.

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Yeah, big baby oil. Big baby oil is framing P. Diddy. Because they have been moving oil across state lines illegally. And now Big Lube is after P. Diddy. Big Lube. Can a man enjoy his lube? Can a man have gallons? Can't a man take baths in lube? I literally have a lube jacuzzi at my house.

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Oh, but it is.

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It's a tanning enhancer is what I like to call it. Yeah. I have gallons of baby oil, too. I put it all over me before I go to the tanning bed. I slide right in and I slide right out. Baby oil is the worst kind of lube. If you're using baby oil for lube.

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Well, it's like a last-minute, holy shit, do we have anything in the house that could work, right? I'd rather use lotion before I use baby oil. That's all I've got to say. All right, well, those are my personal preferences. Oh, my God.

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Joan. Joan. Yeah. Joan is definitely not listening. Yeah, I'm not worried about Joan. Well, that's true. Joan is on to me.

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I bet you a thousand bucks that Joan hates me, but Owen thinks the show is great. Owen's listening.

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All right, let's take a break. And I'll tell the story about my sweet 16 party. I can't wait. We'll be back.

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Okay, I think I see what's going on here. And then I go, can I have a beer?

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This episode is sponsored in part by Liquid IV. I love a beach trip and I'm going on one. Can you hear in my voice just how excited I am to get out of this studio? That family beach trip is right around the corner and there will be no rest for the weary there either.

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We will be running around fun in the sun and I will be bringing along some Liquid IV to help get the most out of these old bones on warm beach days. Liquid IV helps me stay hydrated so I can take on the activities and feel better for longer. Liquid IV is easy to use, it's convenient, and it tastes great. And I'll certainly have some in my bag that I'm taking to the beach.

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There's true to fruit flavors to keep me hydrated. Flavors like lemon lime or pina colada with their hydration multiplier. Or if I want to keep my beach body slim and trim, I'll use a sugar-free flavor like raspberry lemonade, white peach, or rainbow sherbet.

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Can I have a beer? And he goes, I only brought 18. If you want to chip in a couple bucks, you want me to chip in a couple bucks. I'm the guest of honor. At a party where Vogue was going to film me.

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That's 20% off your first order with code commercial at liquidiv.com. Get that bathing suit out, pack a bag, throw in some Liquid IV and take on the summer with Extraordinary Hydration. liquidiv.com and use the code commercial. Thanks to Liquid IV for being a sponsor of the commercial break.

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All right, real quick. There's a guy that I follow on... I don't follow him. He comes up in my algorithm all the time because, you know, my algorithm. And he's just like, seems like a lonely Midwesterner. Maybe he lives in Canada, not even sure. Here's how he looks. You know, maybe I'll send this video to Marco so he can put it up there. Seems like a nice enough guy. Likes to tell jokes.

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He just sits in his chair all day long and just reel after reel, tells terrible jokes and says weird stuff into the camera. But... nothing offensive. He doesn't get into politics. He doesn't talk about women in a particularly terrible way. I mean, you know, he's just one of those guys. He just thinks he's funny, right?

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He's got his own audience, but to his defense, he's got already got way more likes than 99% of our posts. And this is the post here. Let me play it for you.

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To each their own. So the year is the year. And Chrissy and I have now left Clear Channel. And I am working in marketing. I've started my own internet marketing company.

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You know those ones right up top? You can pay to get there. And that's going to make, boom, your business out of control. 10x your business. For $45,000 a month. Reporting? What's that? Chrissy sold SEOs, too. I did.

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Yes. Anyway, whatever. That's not the point of the story. But then about two or three years into me owning this business with Raphael, having this business with Raphael, I got a strange phone call from a mutual friend that had worked at Clear Channel with us. And the mutual friend says, there is a Nigerian oil man...

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Now, instantaneously, I'm skeptical because, you know, Nigerian oil melt men, it doesn't necessarily have the best connotation in the world. Not that I want to paint all Nigerians the same way, but Nigerian oil scam is like the phrase you use when you've been duped online. That's what you use, right? I have $50 million in a bank account.

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If you could give me $5, then I could get you $5 million of it. You know, the whole thing anyway.

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So she says there's a Nigerian oil man here. He's very prominent. He's very rich. And he has an idea to start an online radio station. Well, online radio stations at that time were just becoming kind of like a thing.

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Most of the time they were attached to an actual terrestrial radio station. You would take the feed from the terrestrial station. You would put it streaming on a website. You would go to the radio station's website, click play, and then the feed would come up, the same feed you were hearing over air.

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That was revolutionary in the sense that you could be in Chicago and listening to Atlanta's radio stations where before you could never do that unless it was a clear night and the wind was blowing to the west or whatever the fuck all that shit works.

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Anyway, but what was becoming a fad is for people, like individuals, to buy these rather inexpensive licenses for music, and then they would have their own radio station online. They'd build a website, you'd press play, and they'd have their own radio station online, basically, is what was happening. And this is during the time of Ustream, like very early live streaming technology, and...

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This is before or right as podcasting is starting, like maybe the same year. So podcasting is not a thing, certainly not like it is now. And this is kind of revolutionary, cool, cutting edge at the time. And he wants to start one, but he doesn't know how, and he has no idea who's going to run it. He just, this is an ego project for him, a vanity project for him.

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So, and I've told this story before. So I meet a man named Simon Guabaria. Now, those of you, there's going to be just a few of you out there who are going to know this.

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If you're a Real Housewives of Atlanta fan, that's right. You're going to know Simon Gwabadia as the ex-husband of Portia. Portia, who got married to Simon Gwabadia after falling for the same scam that Simon has been running on everybody.

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that he is a Nigerian oil man who has millions and millions of dollars, who is a very successful human being, who has created many businesses, all of them worth billions of dollars. There's only one problem. None of it is true. None of it.

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He actually is a guy from Nigeria that came to America illegally, got kicked out of the country, came back under a different name, got kicked out of the country again, came back a third time under a different name. And now he is currently sitting in a detention center, an ICE detention center, because Donald Trump don't play that. Homie don't play that anymore.

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So now the latest anybody has ever has heard of Simon is that he is sitting in a nice detention center waiting to get deported back to wherever it is he came from or wants to go or they want to send him. And then he will never be allowed back in the United States. Once Portia found all this out, she divorced him. Anyway, he also got us. He got he scammed us.

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Best to you, Chris.

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He told us we had hundreds of thousands. He asked me, how much would it cost to build an online radio station?

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Best to you out there at the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us on this lead up into the 12 hours of TCB. Everybody getting very excited, very excited. Chrissy, mainly.

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Rolls Royce Phantom. The Phantom. Yeah, the Phantom. He's picking me up in a Phantom. He's driving me around town.

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buying thousands of dollars in bottle services, taking me to studios, meeting famous people, parties with red carpets. He's wooing me to come over and work for him because I'm like, I'm not going to leave the job that's paying me Okay, money. Yeah, I mean, let's be honest about it. I've never been rich. But, you know, I'm making a living.

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And I know what I'm doing. And I helped start this company. And I don't want to leave it for a wing and a prayer. And he is wooing me, showing me that he's got the means to not only pay for this, but make it happen the right way. And that's the one condition I had. I need a staff. This needs to be a job. You need to be able to at least provide one year of financing for this.

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And then an additional six months. If it's not making its way at that point, then we can all say maybe this didn't work or we have to retool it. And he said, make me the budget and bring it to me, to which I did. And I'll never forget. I put the staff together from people that he knew and people that I knew.

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There was a big meeting at one of his restaurants that he quote unquote owned, which turned out he didn't ever owned it in the first place. But anyway, he was an investor, which meant that he pretended he put money into it. And then he took money out of the till to pay for Brian's bottle service at the hottest restaurants in Atlanta. And so I go upstairs. It's me and him and our mutual friend.

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We have this big meeting. I explained to him that this is going to be between $600,000 and $800,000 on the low end for a year to pay for everybody and make this work. And he says, and he signs it, done deal, right, without questioning any of it. And I was like, I come back downstairs. There's like 20 people waiting for me. And I'm like, green light, go, kids.

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Yeah, we're doing it. And within weeks, we had a space. We had bought equipment. We had the real deal. We did it the right way. We had like an actual radio station.

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Cameras, microphones, radio boards, thousands of yards of wire that somebody else helped me set up, luckily. I mean, we just put it together. It was an amazing feat. We did it in like two weeks, and we got that bad boy up and running. And we met many people along the way. Celebrities and otherwise. A lot of the Real Housewives of Atlanta stopped by.

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Will she, won't she? I don't know. Tune in and see.

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This was what we called a genre-free radio station. So every color, every race, every creed, every style of music. We had tons of different... It was kind of a good idea.

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It could be hip-hop. It could be R&B and soul. It could be rock and roll. I did the morning show, essentially an early version of the commercial break. Much worse, but an early version of the commercial break. And we would do that a couple hours in the morning. And then late at night, there would be, you know, L.A. Reeds children were doing a show. Anyway, we met many people. And one day...

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Simon comes in with somebody that, somebody related to the Real Housewives of Atlanta. And right now, I won't say the name, but Actually, I'm going to say the name. Kim Zoliak. Remember Kim? Oh, yeah, of course. Okay, early in the show's history, early in the Real Housewives of Atlanta history, there was a lady named Kim Zoliak. Zolciak. Zolciak, who was on the show, and she had a boyfriend.

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I'm excited. I'm excited too. I am excited. I like a good challenge. This is a big one, but we're going to tackle it. For those of you that don't know, the 12 Hours of TCB, May 31st. That's a Saturday. We're going to be starting 9, 10 a.m. Keep your phones close, and you'll get that ding.

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And the boyfriend was married. And the boyfriend was referred to as Big Papa.

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Big Papa was not almost ever on camera, but he was just known as Big Papa. But people who knew things here in Atlanta knew exactly who Big Papa was. He was a well-heeled real estate developer, quote, unquote. He was another Simon Gobadia, it turned out, but okay, all right. Simon comes in with this lady, not Kim, but another lady, who is a person who is friendly with Big Papa.

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And they are going to throw a party. And this party is going to be covered by some of the biggest press outlets in the world. Elle Magazine, Vogue. Early TMZ.

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Yes, I think I did try to get you to go.

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Rolling Stone magazine. Everybody was going to be there. But the coup de grace was it was going to be filmed by MTV for a reality show for like a reality show about fancy part, you know, big, lavish parties that were going to be thrown. And this was going to be thrown at a mansion directly across the street from the governor's mansion here in Atlanta.

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Now, if you know Atlanta, then you know that the governor's mansion is on a street called West Paces Ferry, which is the most expensive real estate in the state. These are huge estates, opulent, crazy houses. Al Capone bought a house for his wife right next to the governor, and it's like a six-acre compound called like the Pink Mansion or the Pink Palace or something like that.

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These houses are crazy. They're huge. But 32 rooms, that kind of shit. So I see the address, and basically the request is go, cover it, Talk about it. Be there as a guest. A guest of honor. Quote, unquote, a guest of honor.

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Brian Green, president of Simcoe FM.

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Morning show host extraordinaire on Ustream to 110 people. I'll cover it. I'll cover it. What am I? Kurt Loder? I mean, Dan Rather?

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Make sure you're following us, and then you get that ding when the first of many episodes comes into your phone that day. Ding, ding, ding. So many episodes we had to contact Apple to make sure that they wouldn't delist us on the RSS directory if we put out 12 episodes in one go. But... So a little bit about the minutia of the 12 hours of TCB, which we're talking about this week.

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anderson cooper but at the moment i'm like sounded exciting this is a by the way this is a birthday party but it's going to be the bash of all bashes you got to be there it's that big papa's house his personal house and i thought to myself well how can i turn this down how can i turn it down can i bring a guest sure but give me the name it's got to be on the guest list Okay.

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So I think I asked Chrissy. Chrissy said no or couldn't go or whatever the deal was. I think I asked another lady I was dating. Okay. She said no or maybe she met us there later or something like that. I can't remember. But I asked Cam, who's my morning show co-host guy, to come with me at the time. And we go to this party in a cab. Okay.

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And the cab drops us off in this crazy long driveway, this huge circular driveway. And I can see on the side of the house, there's a red carpet. There are lights. There's a big to-do. And by the way, I think this is like February. It's like 42 degrees outside. It is freezing cold. Freezing cold.

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For Atlanta. Yeah. Listen, 42 when it's nighttime, and I think anywhere is pretty cold, but it's pretty bone-chillingly cold. To me, it's bone-chillingly cold. So I'm dressed with a little sweater on.

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Dressed for success, Chrissy. I had my best Doc Martens on.

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I had my finest wallet chain. That's right. Only the finest wallet chain for you, sir. Big Papa. So as we're pulling into the driveway, I can see on the side of the house, there's this little red carpet thing set up. Now the party, let's say it starts, I don't know, who knows this many years off, but let's say it starts at 8 o'clock.

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I think we got there 8.15, 8.30, knowing just to be a little fashionably late, right? So we get there. And, you know, I opened the door and there's a guy standing there like we opens the door like near where the front of the house would be this incredibly large mansion, huge stairs leading up to the front door. There is a huge man standing there as I walk up to go to the front of the stairs.

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The guy goes, here for the party? And I said, yes. Do you need my name? Uh-uh. And I go, okay. And he goes, side of house. And I'm like, oh, okay, side of house. I guess that's how we're entering the party. So we walked to, like, you know, football field over to the side of the house in this, like, mucky grass. We walk over to the side of the house. There's a little path.

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We get up to where I had seen all the lights and the carpet and the commotion. And Chrissy, I instantaneously know that I am in for not the night I expected. As what was going on was, like, two rented lights, a rented heater, a backdrop that had been printed at Kinko's. Kinko's. It was hanging from a string by clotheslines. And the red carpet was not a carpet at all.

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It was cardboard paper taped together.

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And I was like, oh, okay. I guess this is how. And by the way, there is no one standing there. Not a soul. No cars parked in front. No one there. Not a soul. And I'm like, okay, I guess we should have been more fashionably late. We came a little bit too early. We walk down the red carpet. Someone pops out from behind the little clothesline Kinko's thing and is like, oh, hello.

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Are you on the list? And I go, I am. Brian Green? And who's with you? I said, Cam, you know, this guy, Cam. And she goes, hmm, I see your name, Mr. Green, but I do not see Cam's name here. Let me make a phone call really quick while we get the photographers over here. And I'm like, okay, Cam and I are looking at each other. We're like, okay, maybe we just, Yeah. Maybe it looks better on TV.

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So everyone get used to it. So Chrissy and I are actually going to be doing six or seven episodes on that day, just about an hour before you hear it, so that then we can edit it later. And publish it on the hour, on the next hour. And in between those hours, when we're recording, you're going to be hearing an episode with a celebrity guest that we are pre-recording.

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I don't know.

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Might as well make the best of it. Let's go with it. They have to make a phone call to let us in. That's got to be important, right? I mean, it's got to be some kind of party. And even though this looks a little rinky-dink.

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No, no. The cardboard, by the way, it's mucky and wet. So now we've just tracked mud all over the red carpet. Yeah. We're the first ones to walk this red carpet. Red cardboard, I'm sure. The red cardboard. We're walking the red cardboard. So these terrible lights are like blaring down on us.

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Yeah, they're clinky and clunky and they're doing this. It's just terrible. And then you can see the clothespins holding this piece of flappy paper up and it's blowing in the wind.

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Yes, step and repeat. Step but don't repeat. You might rip the cardboard. No repeating. Don't rip the red cardboard. Yeah, just step. Lightly. Yes. Can we put a towel down? So the girl is like behind the magic curtain and I can hear her on the phone. And she's like, you know. The magic Kinko's curtain. Yeah, the magic Kinko's curtain. And I'm standing on the red cardboard carpet.

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And I'm like, I can hear her back there. And she's like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Okay, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Wonderful. Mm-hmm, okay, okay. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. OK. And then she pops her head back and she goes, well, I didn't get a hold of who I needed to get a hold of, but I'm going to allow it. And I was like, oh, OK. And pictures. Are we supposed to take pictures?

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And she's like, I've called the photographer. Please wait. And I'm like, oh, oh, OK. All right. Well, down comes – from the front of the house, down comes running some, like, 15-year-old dude with wild hair, like, dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. And he's got, like, a – I don't know, like a Nikon – That was the photographer? Yes.

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And he's like... And Cam and I are just like... He doesn't tell us anything, so we're just like standing there. And he's like... Like running around us, taking pictures. And I'm like, wow, this is strange. And so then he stops and he starts to walk away. And I go, hey, is that like, are you the, what outlet are you from? And he goes, oh, no, I'm just taking pictures. And I go, I know.

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Are you from an outlet? And he's like, I don't get it. And I go, are you, like, from a magazine outlet? Are you from, like, is this for, like, do you need my name or anything? You want to make sure you get the spelling right? You know, something like that. And he's like, oh, no, don't worry about it. It's just going to go in a collage. And I was like, a collage?

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What kind of collage is it going to go in? A collage? Like an art collage? MTV's collage. Yeah, MTV does collages. That's what they're known for. They're collages. Collage. So now Cam and I are just looking at each other like, oh, God, at least we'll get drunk.

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Because God bless us, that would never work out in our favor should we try and do that on the day. Though we did have some guests that offered. Yeah. And one of those guests was Tom Papa, who I like very much. He's like, I just think he's one of the coolest guys out there. Another middle-aged white man saying Tom Papa is cool.

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So I pop around the little thing and I go, can we go into the party now? And she's like, yes. Yes. You're a little bit early. We're not expecting most of the big names for a little bit now, but there are some people in there. Please feel free to mix and mingle.

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Wait, the big names are here? I showed up? Yeah, I'm here. I'm me, and that cam is not even on the list. So I go, okay, all right, cool. And she goes, just right around the corner. And I'm like, okay. So we walk around this dark corner. No lights, no nothing. We walk around this dark corner. There's, like, two wrought iron gates. We walk into a little plaza area.

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Then you open up this, like, black door, this gate, essentially, an outdoor gate. You open it. Surprise! It's a courtyard. Yeah.

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50. 50.

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Children under the age of 18 all hanging around like this is a Sadie Hawkins dance and no one has been asked to do it. It is the most unbelievable scene.

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And I'm like, holy shit. This is like a cruise ship for teenage. Like we showed up at a teenage nightclub. What is this? What are we doing? I look at Cam and I go, oh my God, what is this? Like these are kids. These are children. What are we doing here? And Cam's like, I don't know, dude. Get to the bar, bro.

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Where's the bar? Immediately I'm pissed off. I'm like, I don't know what's going on here. Maybe this is like the children of the celebrities hanging outside. Maybe they have like a – this is the playpen area. This is the area for –

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I know it's got to be inside. I know it. In my head, I'm like, it's inside. Just don't worry about it. It's inside. Come on. Come on, Cam. Let's go. Let's find the bar. Let's get in here. So I can hear DJ Dan, you know, DJ Dan does awesome. All the parties, weddings, and bar mitzvahs. Call DJ Dan. 777-7777. He's like doing commercials for himself, testing the microphone. And I'm like, oh, my God.

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Meanwhile, there's one large speaker stuck on a stick outside facing the pool. That's the sound system going on in here. And there's like those rented twirly lights going all around.

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I'm trying to figure out what the scene here is. All I can think of is the scene is these are the children of the people who are at the party, and it's just a weird mix.

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Tom Papa is cool I like Tom Papa he is I've loved him for a long time yes And so I wanted to share that I'm like keeping an eye on Tom Papa and all his social media. I have been for a long time. I was following him.

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We've been directed into the kid's angle. Now it makes sense. They thought I was like the high school teacher. The collage. The whole thing. They're doing an art project.

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I needed to go to the other side of the house where the adults are going in.

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Yes, that's where Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear have showed up. I showed up, you know, I don't know, with that kid from Malcolm in the Middle. Like... I showed up on that side of the house.

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I'm here. I got a cab. Back then, you didn't call an Uber. You called a cab. It was going to take a half an hour. Might as well find the bar and get a shot of Jägermeister before you leave, right? All right. Okay.

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All right, so here it is, me and my buddy. We've entered into the wrong side of the house. We've entered into the teenage part of the party, but we're going to find the adult part of the party. But the thing is, is that I can see up into the house, and I don't see a whole lot of lights on or anything, but it's a huge house. So I'm thinking I just got to get in there and find the party.

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Maybe, you know, just downstairs. Sure, it's another wing. It's another wing of the building. So I find my way into – I find my way to where this DJ Dan is. I can see him on a picnic table inside of a basement. He's got his equipment set up. I can see him in there. So I go and I grab the door to open it, and it gets pulled right away closed back.

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Yeah, we had him on last year.

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Like it's a big glass door, and someone jumps right in front of it and pulls it back. And I was like, oh, sorry. And then he cracks the door open a little, and he goes – Yeah. And I go, yeah, I'm here with the party. Like Simon told me I got invited to the party. I'm supposed to be here covering it. Oh, oh, you with that Simon guy? I said, yeah, I am. He told me to come here.

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Well, the commercial break has at least been following him since then. We have this like sly move that we do on the commercial break, which might be part of the reason why no one follows us, is that we only follow the people who come on the show. Why? I don't know. I don't know. Some strategy we were told to do. I don't think it's working out in our favor.

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All right, Simon guy, okay? And then someone goes, I guess, man. And he's like, all right, man, come on. You go, only in this room. And I was like, oh, okay. All right, only in this room, I guess. All right. So he opens the door. Cam and I go in. He closed the door right behind us. And he goes, you're only allowed in this room. That's it. That's all we've rented.

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And I go, that's all you've rented? And he goes, yeah, that's all for the party. That's what's rented is this room. And I was like, wait, this room and the outside? And he goes, yeah, that's the party. And I go, okay, can you explain to me what this party is? And he goes, I don't know. I'm just here for security. And I go, oh, okay. And where is the bar?

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And he goes, well, a couple guys got some beers over there in the cooler. And I go, a couple guys got some beers in the cooler? That's the bar? The bar is a couple guys got some beers in a cooler? And he's like, I don't know, man. Talk to the DJ. He seems to know what's going on. Okay. All right.

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hey dan dj so i go up he's like you know he's got that headset in and he's doing it he's like doing his sound check or whatever you know you can't hear anything but he's doing this whole thing and so i walk up and he's like doing this whole number and he goes he points his finger up one minute one minute yeah he's doing this whole thing one minute again and i'm like Okay. All right.

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Like a third time. Now it's like three minutes I've been standing there like a fucking moron to talk to DJ Dan, the bar mitzvah DJ, at a party where Rolling Stone is supposed to be covered. Where is Richie Sambora? So finally he takes the headset off and he goes, what's up, dude? And I go, hey, DJ Dan, what is this party all about? And he goes, Sweet 16, baby. And I go, Sweet 16?

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And he goes, it's Sweet 16 party. And I go, it's a Sweet 16 party? I thought MTV was going to be here. And he goes, well, they applied to be on that show, My Sweet 16. Ha, ha, ha. So they got like a camera crew running around to take some footage. Hopefully they're going to.

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Yeah, they're going to do it over at a different location. And this is where I swear to God, he says, I think they're going to try and do it at Diddy's at a different location, a different day. But this is like the primer. They're doing like a cut reel, like a hype reel. And I was like, they're doing a hype reel for my sweet 16. And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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And I go, and this is rented? And he goes, just this room. And I go, just this room is rented? The whole party is outside where those kids are? And he goes, yeah. I go, is any adult showing up besides me, you, and the security guard making sure that this one room you've rented doesn't get bastardized? And he's like, yeah, I don't know. I've been told a lot of people are showing up.

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A lot of people. And I go, like who is showing up? And this is what he says. He goes, I'm not supposed to say this, but you know that guy from Bush? And I go, Gavin? Gavin? Rosedale? And he goes, that's right. The one that's married to, you know.

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I don't think any social media strategy is working out in our favor. But we are desperately trying. Just know that. We are cutting up the exact same content we put everywhere else and putting it on Instagram. There you go. So much of it. So much of it. So much.

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And I go, really? And he goes, word is Gwen's in town doing a record and he's been invited and he knows somebody. And he goes, so I'm supposed to keep that on the hush hush, but we're hoping. And I'm like, we're hoping. And he goes, it'd be good for the reel. And I'm not talking about a reel for Instagram. I'm talking about like...

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A VHS movie that they're going to send to MTV, hoping amongst hope that they get picked for a My Sweet Sixteen showcase. And I was like, oh, my God, whose kid is this? And he tells me, and I know the name of the lady. And so, and I'm not going to say it here, but it's a real housewife of Atlanta. And I was like, okay, I think I see what's going on here. And then I go, can I have a beer? Yeah.

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like a beer now can I have a beer and he goes I only brought 18 if you want to chip in a couple bucks you want me to chip in a couple bucks I'm the guest of honor at a party where Vogue was going to film me

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And I grab two.

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Yes. Tall boy natty ices. Meanwhile, a couple other people have managed to mull in here to like, you know, mull it in. Right. You know, a couple other adults in this room now. And so I'm just standing there and guy comes up to me, you know, really nice. And he goes, so did you know this was a sweet 16 party? And I go, I had no fucking idea. And he goes, he goes, that was not on the invite.

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He said, I was supposed to show up, but going to be the rager. And he and then.

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A rager. That's what he said. And I go, yeah, man, I was totally not thinking this was going to be this. And I go, I feel a little strange about being a guy in a glass encased room overlooking a sweet 16 party with a tall boy of natty ice. You know what I'm saying? While DJ Dan has to sound check on a picnic table. I don't know what's going on here.

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So I'm watching his social media, and I think, you know, you and I have been talking about this, the Grateful Bread Tour, which he is doing right now. It's his stand-up tour. He's running around doing theaters, and he's got all the imagery and iconography of the Grateful Dead. And very interested to hear whether, I think he is, he must be a fan of the Grateful Dead.

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And he goes, yeah, man, this is not how it was pitched to me. He goes, I think I'm just going to head. But you want to smoke some weed? And I was like, no, no, I'm cool. You know, whatever. So him and he goes back over. I can see him. He's rolling up something. Cam and I are standing there talking. DJ Dan starts the music.

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Which is the most obnoxiously loud thing you've ever heard for a party that is like, you know, not even the size of my house. Honestly, it's not, there's no need for all this loudness, but it's just going on and on. And then all of a sudden I see out of the corner of my eye, like moving lights. And what happens next has got to be probably one of the funnier things I've ever seen in my life.

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As a crew of four or five people with cameras come into the party and are running around with those lights on, like the mountain monsters have on top of the camera.

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They're running around. filming as if this is the Vietnam War. They are literally filming everything from head to toe, moving their cameras so quick, all quick cuts moving around, going over to people, handing a microphone to them. There's a girl who's talking, all this other stuff. I'm like, oh, wow, okay, this is crazy. So instantly, I'm like, we got to bail on this. Let's get a cab.

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I get a cab. I call the cab. They're going to be here in 20 minutes. I said, let's finish these beers. Let's get out of here. DJ Dan's loud. I'm not going to be in some Sweet 16 supercut. Like, I'm just not going to do it. Let's get out of here. And as we're leaving, as we open the door and now we're leaving, we get caught by one of the cameras, right? Like, you know.

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The guy's just doing this whole number around our heads. And I'm like, oh, my God. As we're trying to walk, I don't know what to do. So I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to leave. And he's like, hold on. We got to get some words from you. Words from you. Who are you? And I go, Jason. Jason. That's my name.

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This girl comes running over with that microphone, a tape deck recorder on her thing. And she's like, what does it feel like to be at Daniela's birthday party? And I'm like, congratulations on turning 16. It really has been quite the surprise. We've all been very surprised about the turnout tonight. Me especially. I've been very surprised.

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And she's like, any words of wisdom for the birthday girl? And I'm like, make your invites more clear next time. I don't know. What do you want me to do? Actual carpet, red carpet? And as I'm leaving, I see two of the Real Housewives getting out of their car, walking the red cardboard carpet. And they have their own camera crews.

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Following them around.

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Doing shot, you know, cameras, video, the whole nine yards, one of which I know. And so I wait for a second so I don't get in the middle of it. But I'm still headed out the door. Like, I don't care who showed up. I'm out. This is not my scene. I'm not into it. It's not for Brian and Cam. We're going to go to an adult place.

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He must be. But I love that so much. And I was telling Astrid, I'm like, we should do this. We should do like a Grateful Dead kind of thing for merch for the commercial break. To which she said, don't you think Tom might be a little bit upset if you just took his idea and ripped it off? And I go, it's the age of AI, babe.

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But as she turns the corner, she's like, oh, hey, I'm so glad that you came. I'm so glad Simon invited you. So what I was thinking is you can do, like, a little birthday, like, little speech when the cake comes.

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Do a little birthday speech, and then I want you to talk a little bit on the camera, and then I want you to do a little number, a little song, you know, a little thing, a little song and dance. And I go... Hey, listen, I'm really sorry, but I actually just called a cab. I had no idea that this was a sweet 16 party. And I am not 16. Like, this is just, I just don't feel comfortable being here.

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I apologize. I don't want to do that. I'm sorry. And she goes, but Simon told me if I put you on the guest list that you would come here and you would do this whole, like, kind of be like the, you know, the thing of the night. And like the emcee of the night. And I was like, I don't. The jester? Yeah. Yeah, the court jester? What am I supposed to do, entertain a bunch of 16-year-olds?

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How do I do that? DJ Dan's doing just a fine job. All the 16-year-olds seem just as uncomfortable as they did before DJ Dan started playing. They're all in little corners. They're all in their little groups hanging out around a cold pool. By the way, it's 42 degrees outside, and I've dressed to be in an inside party. So I got to go. I got to go.

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And she's like, I'm really disappointed, and I thought you were going to stay. I said, listen, no one told me what this was. So I thought I was coming to like an adult party where someone had told me that Rolling Stone magazine was going to be here. And she's like, oh, oh, they still might show up.

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And I was like, no, Rolling Stone magazine writer in the history of ever has covered a 16-year-old's birthday party ever. For a Real Housewives of Atlanta. I'm sorry. It just has never happened. And I go, listen, no offense, but there's not even a bar here. It's DJ Dan's personal stash of beer that he brought in a rollaway igloo. I'm sorry, but this is not my vibe. And I was indignant about it.

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And when we were leaving, here's the best part. When we were leaving, we got boxed in, like the cab got boxed in. So the cab's all, he doesn't know what to do. So he's like, I don't know what to do. And these people have the nicest lawn you have ever seen in your entire life. And I said, roll over the lawn.

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Go through it.

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Get me out of here.

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I mean, that guy just tore up the grass from one end to the other. And I couldn't have been more happy about it because I figured, well, I got duped, but at least I put a few dents in Big Papa's lawn. And that, my friends, is why you always should double check your invitations.

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Simcoe FM was a comedy of errors and wannabes, quite frankly, me being one of them. I'm not putting myself on a pedestal here. We all were hoping amongst hope that for some reason this was the magic bullet that would send us all to fame and success. And I really thought this was another stepping stone to get there. I was going to be filmed at this luxurious party with celebrities.

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And what I found out was Big Papa has no furniture in his house. That's what I figured out.

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He wasn't even there.

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He wasn't even there. They rented the fucking property. And not even the whole property.

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And the pool. And the room. Yeah. DJ Dan needed warmth. DJ Dan was smart. He got paid to show up. He was the only one that got paid to show up.

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Listen, it was funny when Cam and I got drunk later on that night. Of course. It's even funnier now.

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Oh, my God.

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It was a sweet 16 birthday party. And I could not have been more mad at our mutual friend because she had a lot to do with me showing up there because I was a little reluctant because I really didn't know what to expect. And she was like, oh, my God, you've got to go. This is going to be the it party of the year. And I'm like, the it party of the year? Don't even know what that means. But okay.

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I don't want to miss it.

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God forbid I miss it.

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Anyway, turns out I don't think that girl ever got her sweet 16 MTV show. But either did I. So there you go. Fair enough. All right. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, or call us on the 31st of May to be on the 12 Hours of TCB. TCBpodcast.com. All the information and your free swag. And YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break.

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So I said, let me go in that little AI thing that I've been playing around with. Let me see if it can whoop up a commercial break logo that would be a Grateful Dead-ish type logo. I'm not the world's biggest Grateful Dead fan. I do like them very much.

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for all the videos the same day they air here on the audio. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today. I think so. I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, we will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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I actually think they're the greatest American rock and roll band that has ever been and maybe ever will be, but not because they're my personal favorite band ever, but just because they are the true American rock and roll story, right? Okay, we've talked about this before. So I go and I say, give me the image, Chatty. Go for it. Give me that commercial break logo in Grateful Dead imagery.

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Now I'm going to send this to Marco so we can put it on YouTube or maybe we'll put it on it. Maybe we'll do something besides put a clip of our show on Instagram and I'll show this. Chrissy, it's... It's a tie-dyed piece of poop is what it is. It's what it came up with. A tie-dyed piece of poop that has the commercial break neon logo. That says it all.

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Chad GBT thinks so little of the commercial break that it literally put a piece of shit in tie-dye. Uh-huh. Where did it get this idea that that was the imagery that should be associated with the commercial break? I don't know. I really don't. But it's just another example of why you shouldn't trust everything that you find on chat GPT, Chrissy. That's true.

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However, we have been getting a lot of feedback on the songs that we have been playing that I have been making through AI. Now, to be clear, I write all the lyrics, I give it some direction, and I tell it to go out there and do that. None of these lyrics are written by AI because if there's one thing I've been known for in my life, it is my lyricism. I am a poet at heart.

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Sunny side up is all you need to know. That's right. Exhibit A. Exhibit A, sunny side up. Exhibit B, dapper dialogue. Oh, it's not total shit, says the producer. Yeah, just tie-dyed shit. So lest you think that I am just asking Chad GBT to do this whole cloth or Udio Studio, whatever I'm using. Udio Studio is a weird name for it, by the way. Udio Studio. But anyway, I give it the lyrics.

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I give it some direction and I tell it to go. Well, the other day I decided, what if I just went out there? What if I just found a bunch of reviews and and to ask ChatGPT or Udio Studio to make me a pop song based on nothing but the reviews.

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Now, if you've been listening to the commercial break, you'll know that this song played in front of an episode earlier this week because it was just too good to even let it wait one minute. Hot off the presses, it had to go out the door.

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Oh, my God. And we have so much feedback about it. People were going wild. They loved it. And somebody said, are those really reviews? Well, you can't get reviews to rhyme. So I had to take lines from certain reviews and piece them together. And I took a little artistic liberty with some of the wording around some of them so that I could get it to be like a catchy song.

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All right, so for your own edification and at your request, in case you did not hear it, TCB is terrible, or as Astrid said it should be named, worst to you. Yeah, worst to you.

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Oh, my God. So great. Thank you, Udio Studio, for one of the laughs I'm getting this week because that was great. And by the way, someone actually did say that in an email. Worst to you? No. Well, worst to you, that's a joke that many people have said. That's not particularly original. We say best to you. They say worst to you. Worst podcast ever. But they said, I'm deaf in my defense.

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So the actual comment went, I kind of like this show, but I'm deaf in my defense. So if you're reading it, I guess it's okay.

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Yeah, in my defense. In my defense. If you have to be defended, if you're starting in my defense, then it's already bad. Like Chrissy said, in my defense, I have to be drinking at all these. I have to stay up till four in the morning. So anyway, thanks to everyone who's written in. We're having a lot of fun with it. It's a week full of musical charm here on the commercial break.

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Musical charm and disarm. Yes, and experimentation for sure. So the P. Diddy trial started, in case you didn't know. In case you're living under a rock, the P. Diddy trial has started. And wow. Wow. Yeah. Wow. I mean, if one third, one tenth of what is being said is even close to the truth, and we're only on like day one or two.

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But if one, first of all, the video with Cassie of her being dragged down the hallway by her hair.

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It is in fucking tenths, man. It's intense and it's awful. And I'm sorry if you're a man. You're not a man if you treat somebody that way. You're not a man if you treat another human that way, let alone a woman. And I know that chivalry is dead and equal and all that other bullshit, but I just am a firm believer in chivalry.

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And one of those things is that you never touch a woman in anger for any reason except self-defense. That's it. Period. End of sentence. And this does not look like self-defense to me.

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He's coming after her. He's running after her. He's dragging her by her hair. He's throwing things at her. And he's got a million bodyguards. He doesn't need any self-defense. He is the opposite of self-defense. He has a whole crew of people defending him. Even that right there is enough for me to say, lock away, put him away for a little bit.

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But then all of the other drama that has come out around this is so many people saying so many things that are just, quite frankly, base, violent and nasty. P. Diddy was is not the superstar, you know, R&B mogul that we thought he was. I mean, I don't know who we thought he was, but and I don't know what he was that. Yeah. Who hot, who not? You not, P. Diddy. He just wasn't.

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And now this is making me, I say all this.

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Decades. Yeah. He certainly had a reputation. for having a strong arm when needed. He certainly had a reputation for not shying away from threats or violence when he wanted to get something done or he thought you were wronged. I mean, that was the guy's whole image, Bad Boy Records. And people who worked for him said he was a real tyrant at times.

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But until a year or two ago, I don't think anybody really could have conceived the depths at which the depravity that was going on. And here's two things that I just think this makes me think. Number one, did Diddy have anything to do with Tupac Shakur's death? Because if you're capable of all this, aren't you capable of that?

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Big tooth drill.

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Oh, yeah. I don't know. God bless dentists, man. God bless them. That's a tough job. No wonder a lot of them jump off a roof. It's like, who wants to be in somebody's mouth all day long? It's such a weird profession. And it's so important. And at the end of the day, you should kiss your dentist on the mouth after the cleaning that you were...

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that they were kind enough to go inside your nasty ass mouth and clean it out. And, you know, I talk to that hygienist that I have. You know, she likes to talk. And even though my mouth is wide open, I enjoy hearing her talk. But she told some stories about some nasty ass mouths. I mean, there's some nasty ass mouths out there. What are you people doing? You got the breath of a thousand asses.

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That's all I got. The breath of a thousand asses. Do you remember that Chris Rock bit? No. You've got the breath of a thousand asses.

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You don't want that.

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I have scared my children.

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It can happen. One of my kids has already had two cavities filled. Now they're tiny little cavities. We got them filled just, they weren't hurting him, but just as a precautionary measure. Yeah. But after that, I scared the holy shit out of my kids, and I don't care.

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They brush those teeth in the morning and in the night and sometimes in between because they are literally worried about the repercussions of getting a cavity. And I don't care if I'm being a weird dad by scaring them with the cavity monster. But the cavity monster is coming for them.

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Show them a picture of people who are getting veneers and what happens right before you get the veneers. Have you ever seen? That is disturbing. Astrid has a picture of hers because she has veneers. Yeah. And I refuse to look at that picture. I'm like, I don't want my opinion of you to change forever. Yeah.

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I don't want us to be, you know, mid-coitus, and then I have to come into my head, all those little nubbies. Like, I just don't want it. That is what they do.

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Yeah, that's why I won't get veneers. I won't do it. I like my teeth. They're a little crooked on the bottom, but I like them in general. That's okay.

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You know, my kids have started to notice that I have fangs. And they're like, how do I get fangs? Have you noticed that I have fangs?

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Yeah. I got pretty big fangs, and they're really sharp, too. Maybe that's from that girl who bit me the first time we had sex. Made me bleed. That's right. The vampire chick. Yeah, I know you're out there. What's that?

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I did get bitten. And it was bloody. And it was, that hurt. That hurt bad. So anyway, girl I dated on Facebook now has a daughter that looks like the girl I dated on Facebook. So there you go. It's a weird time to be alive, kids. It's a weird time to be alive. And we're happy that you're here for the ride. I'd like to remind you that Kathleen Madden...

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again was on Tuesday Kathleen was a doll face and we had a lot of great feedback about Kathleen a lot of people really are into Kathleen and she is just as fantastic as she sounds she is just as wonderful as she could be like she was a really really nice person and very funny go listen to that episode it's Tuesday's TCB infomercial and links to her tour tickets links to her specials of which she's got a million of them she's got just so much material out there when I was doing the episode I

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You know, when we have people on, if they're comics, especially.

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Yeah. Yeah. I listen to it. I like to cut the intro. I went down such a rabbit hole with Kathleen. I just wanted to cut a quick clip. And 58 minutes later, I'm still watching like her special. It was like this super cut of a bunch of her specials put together, like the best parts of her super specials, a super cut of her specials. And I just could not get out of there. I was like, oh, my God.

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OK, let me listen to the next one. Let me get the next bit.

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Yeah, I'll wait for the payoff. And then 58 minutes later, I was still watching. I'm like, I got to get out of here. I got kids. I don't have time for all this. I got kids and a podcast that's, you know, in the bottom half of the top of the bottom half of the charts.

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And a Facebook page to check. It's the first time I've been on Facebook in a long time, and I'm telling you what, nothing's changed over there. It's still a hot mess. And I've called most of the idiots, but somehow the idiotic thinking just has a way of finding itself in front of my face.

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Oh, man, those two fuckers. Okay, I'll tell you about Instagram verified. Oh, okay. I don't know if you noticed that commercial break is now verified. For what reason, I don't know. You did notice that? I did. You did? Oh, look at you. Chrissy got on Instagram. So proud of you, Chrissy. All right, we'll take a break. We'll be back.

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All right, so the commercial break is now verified on Instagram. You know, Instagram, like, I don't know, maybe two years ago, three years ago, during the pandemic at some point, them and Twitter, Twitter and Instagram, decided that they could, since they weren't making any money directly off people...

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that they could get a few bucks off you if they did this program called verified, which basically means that you probably are the person you say you are. It doesn't even mean that you really are. I mean, the amount of checking, I don't know what the amount of checking is. I don't know that LexisNexis or they connect to someone or they verify you through email or whatever they do.

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I know you have to have like two-factor authentication, 2FA, put on. So I guess they're doing the best they can to figure out if you're the actual person or company that you say you are. And so we've been talking to various AI platforms about growing the social media, which has been a pain point of ours for years.

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And it turns out that if you don't put any effort into growing, then you're likely not going to grow. That's what it turns out. Okay.

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I mean, I see people literally dressed up like Pokemon at 52 years old. with a dad bod and a micro penis running around talking about how much they hate women. And they've got like 50,000 followers. And we have like 7,000 followers. And I'm like, how is this possible? How is this possible? How is it that that content is better than this content?

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But I'm starting to understand, I think, a little bit why. Part of it is because we're just putting clips of our show out there. And that may not always be we're not all that funny.

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In plain terms, we're not all that good at what we do. And we're not really capturing people's attention. And therefore, Instagram doesn't really push us out there. We certainly have had a lot more traffic recently than we ever have. And a few of those reels have gone viral. But those reels are like mainly about Venezuela. It's like anytime we talk about Venezuela, we get a ton of new followers.

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And media and personalities and soccer players and professional baseball players and you know all kind of like superstars in the Venezuelan community like our stuff follow us all that and I love it too I love it and there's nothing about it that I wish I could change not a thing I love having a Venezuelan audience and But let's all be real about it. The Venezuelans are great.

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We also need some other people, too. Right. We need some because I don't know that the Venezuelans are always listening to the show. I think they like to follow us on Instagram because we put out reels on occasion that this green this green goes talking about Venezuela. And he actually might know what he's talking about. Right.

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Or he doesn't know what he's talking about, who you are, depending on which comment you read. But, OK, you get what I'm saying. But I'm not always sure that they ended up being listeners of the show because there are some really great Venezuelan podcasts and we are not one of them. And so I'm talking to the AI platforms and I'm like, OK, tell me about how we can grow this Instagram.

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And one of the things that keeps getting repeated is that those who are verified tend to get more views than those who aren't verified.

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Yeah, of course, because you're paying Instagram. So you're juicing, you're asking them to juice your views essentially by being verified. They know who you are. They can, I guess there's some kind of, let's just put it, they put their thumb on the scale a little bit for those who are verified.

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With a dad bod and a micro penis running around talking about how much they hate women. And they've got like 50,000 followers. And we have like 7,000 followers. And I'm like, how is this possible? How is this possible? How is it that that content is better than this content? But I'm starting to understand, I think, a little bit why.

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But now over the years, as I've been watching this verified thing, like let's take, for example, we had a reel that went viral about the New Year's Eve Venezuelan traditions. Right. Okay.

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That reel went nuts. On January 1st, Astrid cut our video editor, cut it up. Astrid put it on Instagram within hours. We had tens of thousands of views within days. We had hundreds of thousands of views, thousands, tens of thousands of shares, comments, likes all this other stuff. It went crazy in the Venezuelan community.

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This is it. This is our moment. We're going viral. Then like Lady Gaga burps and she gets 17 million views in an hour. Yeah.

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It was just like, it was a couple of days of madness because it really, it really was that I had to turn off notifications because we were, I would get off Instagram and two minutes later I would get back and it'd be like a hundred more likes, a hundred more comments. It was nuts. You know, a hundred more followers. So anyway, here, that's not even the point.

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The point is, is that when these people were coming through and I was like watching who was liking the reel and who was commenting on the reel. Anytime that I would see a verified checkmark, I'd be like, oh, this is someone fantastic. I must go check out and see who they are. And you'd go and it was, you know, likely someone with like a thousand followers. Right.

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Anybody can get verified and anybody is getting verified.

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Let me get through this second bottle of wine, and then I'll make a decision. Yeah, you should get verified. But anyway, so it doesn't really hold a lot of weight, the verification, because we don't have all that many followers.

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Because it can juice the engine. And then because there could be people that want to make an account with your pictures and your stuff, and you've got to know who the real –

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Part of it is because we're just putting clips of our show out there. And that may not always be... We're not all that funny. So maybe that's why.

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Yeah, we could be so lucky. Go ahead. Feel free. Please.

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Christian Ronaldo has... 312 million. I don't know what it is. 300 million plus. I think 300 million plus followers on Instagram. But when you search for Cristiano Ronaldo, the first account that will come up is like, you know, Cristiano Ronaldo is like, you know, the name.

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That guy has like 58 million followers and he is simply a finsta.

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It's just a fan account.

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And he's got 58 million followers. Now, I don't believe that he can monetize that account because I think the Instagram has some rules around monetizing other people's likenesses and stuff like that. I think. I don't know. Who knows?

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But I'll tell you right now, it's like for a while I thought about calling the commercial break Instagram account Cristiano Ronaldo break because anything having to do with these super famous human beings, they have gravity and they come along. I've noticed that. So there's so many different derivatives and fake accounts and Finsta and all this. So I made the decision to go ahead and get verified.

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But it's such, I don't want to say it's a ripoff. I want to say it's a lot of money. And then for just a few extra views, I'm not sure. But I guess at some point you do have to go ahead and take the steps that people take when they're in the public eye. And since we're definitely in the public eye, and by the public eye, I mean all three of you. Both of you know who we are.

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Maybe I should have waited until we actually... Because I guess my point was, when I go to a verified account, when I look at a verified account, I'm always expecting that they're going to be some heavy hitter, hundreds of thousands, millions of followers, somebody that we should know, that should be in the know. And when I look at most verified accounts, it's like people with 300 followers. Yeah.

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And I guess they're thinking the same thing I am, which is maybe this will do the trick.

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In plain terms, we're not all that good at what we do.

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So we're verified and that's all there is to it, Chrissy. We're not going to get unverified unless we get unverified. Actually, we tried to get verified on the commercial break. We tried to do that multiple times over the years. And for some reason, they didn't think we were who we were. They thought we might have been a finsta and they declined to verify us. And then finally it happened.

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We got it. We did it.

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No, when you do, well, listen, you don't have a lot of interaction on your account, so you might have to go through an extra step or two. I don't know. I really don't. I don't know what the protocol is. But when I went to go get my personal account verified, so the chatty GPT or whatever AI we were using, was like, get verified, and then anybody associated with the show, get verified.

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Make sure those accounts are interacting with each other, right? It's just part of the social media game. So I'm like, okay, I'll get verified. And when I went through the process of getting verified, I think because my Facebook is connected to it, I'm sure that it ran checks, like AI checks on the pictures that were there and the pictures that are here. Are they the same person?

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Do they have the same eye measurements? I don't know how all that works. But the one thing that they did make me do is you must turn on 2FA on your account. You must have 2FA on your account. If you don't, you can't get verified. In some cases, they will ask you for identification, like a state ID or a passport. But the commercial break...

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All I had to do was just ask to be verified, and I'm assuming that because I just got verified, so now I'm verified, I'm someone on the show, I own the account, that all of that stuff kind of came together. Yeah, it had to. Yeah, so it's a process. Okay.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Holdley. Best to you, Chris. Best to me, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us. We appreciate it. I'm getting to this weird age.

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Yeah, get into it. And it's not cheap either. That's the thing is it's like 15 bucks a month, 15 bucks a month. I'm now paying Mark Zuckerberg, which I hate it. I really do. I don't like the thought of giving that guy any more money. I'm done giving all of these oligarchs money. I'm done with it. I'm done giving all of these boneheads money. I'm not buying a Tesla.

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Couldn't afford one if I wanted to. I'm not giving Mark any more money unless I click on one of his ads because I want to go to that concert. And who's the other billionaire that I'm not going to? And I'm not subscribing to the Washington Post anymore. That's it. Those three things. I'm done. I'm done. You've made your stance.

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I'd like to really take a stance and not use Amazon anymore, but let's be real about it. They kind of got us by the balls there.

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Yeah. Who's not going to use Amazon? Amazon is amazing. Party City is going on a business. Oh, I know. Did you see that?

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Well, listen, there's now all kinds of layoffs going on everywhere, including people at our own network, Odyssey. Now, radio has been shrinking since 2008. It's just been shrinking. It saw its heyday. It's been shrinking. We don't have to rake the radio industry over the coals. It's just a dying industry. That's it. Because less and less people are listening to actual on-air radio.

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It'll always be around. But it's not going to see the 90s again. That's not going to happen, the early 90s again. So even our network Odyssey laid some people off, but there are layoffs happening all over the place. And then you add in all of the craziness that's going on with Elon's chainsaw or whatever's going on. And we're likely going to have a dramatic economic downturn.

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Oh, it's happening. It's already happening. And that's why these companies are laying people off is because it's like 2008 all over again, but this time they can see it coming. So they are not going to be caught flat-footed. They're preemptively cutting labor and, you know... That's just the way that's what you do when you're in one of those boardrooms and you start getting nervous.

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You don't know, just like everybody doesn't know what's going to happen from one day to the next. They're not fortune tellers, but they can sense on the streets that things are not going to be easy and no one's making it easier. It's just like destroying a very healthy economy for what reason? I don't know. I mean, I know there are reasons, but I'm not here to talk about all those.

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I mean, I've been at this weird age for as long as I can remember. Maybe I was just born weird. Maybe the age doesn't matter.

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But here's my point. So, you know, all of these things that are, you know, kind of happening at one time, like there's all of these layoffs and all this other shit going. What was my point? What was I talking about? I don't know.

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Here's my point. I had a point.

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Yeah. I was talking about Amazon and then all of a sudden I forgot what I was talking about.

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Oh, yeah. I'm not giving out any more money to people.

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There you go. $15 a month. Now I'm giving these oligarchs money. I'm done giving all of these oligarchs money. That's it. That is my point. My point is I am done giving the oligarchs money. There you go. How's that? Except for Amazon and Facebook and occasionally everybody else.

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They have us all wrapped by the balls. They really do.

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It's all integrated into our lives. They have seeped their way into every inch of our lives and we cannot unfuck this fuckery. And that makes me upset to some degree, but I certainly enjoy the perks of it. So it's hard. It's a hard.

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I was born this way. Okay. I need my Navaj. Navaj. Navaj. Navaj, that thing that takes snot out of your brain. I'm getting to this weird age where... Here, let me explain. I just looked at a Facebook post. Of a girl that I met when I was a teenager, when I was like 15 or 16 years old, and we had a dalliance, like a moment, right?

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Excuse me.

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Yeah.

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And now Disney Plus and HBO Max.

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Yeah. I mean, I know this is like this is a totally ADHD segment, but let me share this. As far as the streaming services are concerned, I've said it before and I'm going to say it again. I really think we broke something that wasn't broken, if you think about it. Netflix is a channel. It's a channel. And yeah, there's lots of content on that channel.

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And you can pick and choose what you want to watch when you want to watch it. But it is a television channel. That's what it is. And it is a big television channel. And they have billions and billions of dollars they throw at creating content. Apple TV is a channel. It is a television channel. You watch it on your television or on your phone maybe, but it's a screen.

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And all of these cable providers, AT&T, Comcast, Charter. Charter. I see you out there, Charter.

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Pretending that you're an actual cable company. I know.

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I know.

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Right. They were all over the place sponsoring the Braves. And I'd be like, yeah, charter. And then I got charter. And I now realize why you don't hear about them anymore. Anyway, Cox Communications, all of those people, they provided a service. They essentially they were the people who carried those channels into your house. And they still do that.

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But just via a different a different band on the wire, which is Internet. And so it's the exact same thing. Only now, every one of these channels has found a way to squeeze an immense amount of money out of us. If we would have all let the cable companies just negotiate all of these carriage fees and all that other shit, yeah, maybe Netflix wouldn't have $100 billion a year to spend on content.

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But they could have still created really great content. It still could have all been on demand. And we just would have had a little tiny little box sitting on our television that would have allowed us to flip through. And we would have paid one bill. One bill. I know. I am paying $300 a month for content. $300 a month for content between the cable that I still want.

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That's it. Yeah. Oh, add the internet. Forget about it. I've got like 10 gig internet or whatever it is. I'm paying like 150. I mean, because we need it. There's so much shit going in and out of this fucking room right here. But you know, the truth is, is that I'm paying $300, $400 for all of that every single month.

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I would have rather paid $250 every month, get all of it, get the gold package, have it all on demand, and have a little box sitting there and just flip through the channels. And then when I want to watch, I don't know, Kath and Kim or The Crown or whatever it is, I just go to the Netflix channel like I do on DirecTV. On demand, The Crown. Let me watch it. That's it. I can do that.

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And then Netflix can put television commercials in there, and I'll feel like it's okay that they do so. But now I've got to watch fucking television commercials anyway. On Amazon?

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Come on, Bezos. Really? You're charging me all of this money. You're getting me seven ways to Sunday on every single thing that I buy. Like, here was the point. Now I remember. I got it. Full circle. Party City is going out of business. And Astrid took the kids to Party City and they went to the going out of business sale. They got like two more weeks left or a week left or whatever it is.

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And she cleaned up. She bought like $1,000 worth of stuff, $780 worth of stuff for like less than $200. All this stuff that you can use at parties, birthdays, you know, and we just put it in the corner and we use it when we want it. Party City was never the cheapest place in the world to buy stuff, but it was nice to go walk in there and look at stuff.

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That's gone. Absolutely. I used to go to party. My Grammy... Remember when I told you about the New Year's Eve parties down in the bar basement that my grandma had? We used to walk us up to Party City. Anyway, my kids are asking, why? Why is it closing? Why is it closing? Why is it closing? And I literally had to explain to them that Amazon...

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sells this stuff for 50% cheaper and they get it to your front door the next day. And there is, it's unlikely that most people are going to get in their car, dress up, get in their car, go pay double, walk through a store, spend an hour fissing and futting around when they could lay on their couch, press the button and have it there the next day. And this is happening all over the place.

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Like you do when you're 15 or 16. Sure. Nothing of it. It wasn't the love of my life, but it's just something I remember. But we've been Facebook friends since I've been on Facebook. And she has a daughter that she had at a relatively young age, I would say like late teens, early 20s. And now that daughter is like in her early 20s. You know what I'm saying?

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Now, with Party City, there might be other factors. They might be owned by a hedge fund or ran them into the ground. I'm not sure what it is. But I can understand that Party City must be hard to make a living doing that when you sell streamers for $5 and you can buy them on Amazon for $2 and get them here tomorrow or tonight. It's just a whole fucking clusterfuck.

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Amazon is so wonderful, and the convenience of it is so lovely, and those people that work so hard to bring those packages to your door so quickly. I just bought another random wire. That random wire got here in a day, and it's a random wire. You wouldn't be able to find this anywhere else. It's a random wire.

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wire I got it I'm gonna come in here one day and just organize I know and the wire didn't work so it goes in the wire box and Astrid's gonna get upset at me I know we're gonna have to have a whole conversation about how there's thousands of dollars of wires that I never used in that box and I'm gonna say yeah but maybe someday we'll need it and she'll go yeah maybe someday you will but you will buy a new one the exact same wire again you will I know you and I'll say yeah okay babe and you know more marital strife because of this commercial break

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yes anyway my point was i'm giving all my money to the oligarchs amazon's coming in here and then they're killing local business i mean not the party city was a local business but you know they're they kill these other businesses and uh yeah yeah happy days happy days happy days are here again i know i

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Whatever that is. They take over high school gymnasiums or whatever. They do. They take over empty party cities and pet smarts. That's what they do. Old old coals. And, you know, they have a smart business model. They know they're seasonal. And so they go in and they look for people who are desperate to make a couple bucks with that empty shit that they got sitting there.

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And they just go in there for a couple of months, pay them cheap rent, get in, get out. I guess they have a warehouse somewhere where they keep all that stuff. And that's it. It's really quite amazing. Logistically, of course it is. Of course it is. Where do you think they get their stuff from? It's Amazon. Yes. Oh, Amazon. I have a love-hate relationship with you. I really, really do.

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And then on top of that, you got BritBox and BBC. So, you know, I turn on that prime.

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There is such good television coming out of BritBox, they're having their moment. I mean, like everybody else in the world, that prestige TV has also hit BBC and I don't know what the other channels are, but the other channels out there. But I do love some British television. I love it dearly. And it's almost like now if...

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After a certain time of night, like 11 o'clock, I only want to hear a British accent or maybe an Australian accent. That's it. That's all I want to hear. It soothes me. I'm like a little baby. I'm like, oh, my British accent. I go to sleep. I'm re-watching Kath and Kim.

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Oh, my God. What a fucking hilarious show. It's an Australian show. What a hilarious show about a mother and a daughter, Kath and Kim. If you haven't seen the show and you're into kind of like absurdist humor, which, of course... You must be because you're listening to the commercial break. If you're still here. Yeah, this is the absurd of the absurd.

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So that daughter's in her early 20s and looks exactly like her mother did when she was a teenager. So I'm at this weird age where I'm looking at these Facebook posts and I'm like, holy fuck, am I getting old? I mean, holy fuck, am I old? Hmm. I'm old. We used to look like that. That used to be us. We used to look like that. And now we're saggy and old and gray. And now they rule the world.

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This 15, 20-minute segment has been a perfect encapsulation of what the commercial break has always been about. Nothing. Nothing. Brian being ADHD. That's it. All right. Speaking of ADHD, we got to take a break. Speaking of oligarchs, we got to take a break so we can pay some bills. Well, let's listen to this Amazon commercial and we'll be right back.

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I have noticed, and you can call me out on this, listener. I want you to call me out on a few things. First of all, we're going to start doing a segment on this show called Brian Was Wrong. So when you hear me say something that is wrong, text in, and we're going to keep a running list.

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And then every couple of weeks, we're going to get it out of our system and make fun of Brian about how wrong Brian is and for how long he has been wrong. Number one. Number two, I am noticing that I often start the next segment with this. It's kind of like, do you remember this?

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The smoke alarm? The smoke alarm. I'm like a smoke alarm every time we come back from a break. I'm like, ah, ah. I asked ChatGPT, what's the thing that Brian says the most on the show? Like, what's the word he uses? I want to know what my crutch word was. And it was uh and like. So those two words. As are a lot of people, I'm sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. I'm not, you know.

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But I want to clean it up. We're professional broadcasters now, Chrissy. We have to clean this shit up. We got to get better. We got to get better. I'm noticing that there are a lot of Teslas on sale on Facebook. Yeah. I just saw another one. This is probably the fifth one that I've seen in like, I don't know, two weeks. People are selling their Teslas. They want to get rid of it.

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$24,000, 2020 Tesla, less than 50,000 miles is a pretty good deal. It's a Tesla Model Y. That's a pretty good deal. $24,000 and a $4,000 tax credit. So essentially it's just 20 grand, right? That's like, you can't buy a lot of used cars for 20 grand. That's a lot. And I was reading that people are putting like Toyota stickers on the back of their Teslas.

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So that and or there's a there's a sticker that you can buy now from a guy that's that is creating them. And it says, yes, I bought the Tesla, but I do not like Elon. Right.

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Yeah. And so, yeah, it's never before has a brand changed. and a person been so closely aligned since Walt Disney, I think, right? As a brand and a person been so closely aligned and the fate of the brand is going with the fate of the sentiment around that person. It's, um, That's all I got to say.

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I mean, I don't know how you feel about Elon or whatever, but I think it's very interesting that there is such blowback.

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Well, when Tesla came on the market, I got to be honest, I was with everybody else. I'm like, finally, we're going to solve this problem. Everybody and every liberal in California bought a Tesla. And there were lines for them and waiting lists. And I went and looked at them multiple times. And I almost pulled the trigger, but I just felt like it was a very expensive car.

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And we don't have anything to do with it anymore. Oh. There's going to be no more late nights at McDonald's making movies and smoking pot in the walk-in cooler. It's never going to happen again.

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And it was also going to be hard for the way that my particular living situation is. It was going to be hard for me to find a place to put the outlet. Yeah. But we have a Tesla charging station near our house and there's like 30 of those stations sitting in a parking lot.

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And they're always full. And there's always someone waiting to go. I guess I guess you make a reservation. There's always extra cars sitting there. So it's there's a lot of them on the road here in Atlanta, especially. Yeah, there are.

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Yeah, I saw one earlier. I went in one in Denver. Yeah, Denver.

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I was coming, I was going back to the airport. It's about a 30, 40 minute ride. I asked for an Uber X or whatever. I was traveling for business. So I was like Uber X or Uber Comfort or something. One of those things, you know, one of the many things that Uber now offers.

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Yeah. And so what showed up? A brand new, spanking new, smelling like it just came off the lot.

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uber uh tesla and the guy said to me he said i just got this car a couple weeks ago i said oh that's great you got a tesla now you're driving for uber that you know it must pay well and he said no no no i get this from the company like he was some kind of deal where they were getting it through the company and they could take it home at night and they were paying a certain amount of the money that they had so i don't know but now that the sentiment is changing you know tesla feels like a different company

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It feels like a different company. And that's the thing. It feels like a different company. It's not a different company, but it feels like a different company to a lot of people. And there's a big backlash. And I find it fascinating how the human brain works, that it's hard to compartmentalize those two things. But I guess then again, you don't see the CEO of Chevrolet running up and

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Are you intent to go to McDonald's and smoke pot in the walk-in cooler?

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Doing a salute. That hasn't been used in 80 years.

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What do you associate with the commercial break? I don't know.

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Friendship.

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Drinking. Drugs. General Scallywagging. My puffy, pushy eye is out of control.

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Crabapple. That's true. I'm going to make a whole series. I'm going to make a series called Crabapple.

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Oh, I just love making characters for Crabapple. I really do. It's really good. And people have said, and I've said this before, I'm not tuning my own home, but people have said, I really like the fact that the bits are back, you know, and there was one of our listeners said, I actually went back and listened to your first 15 or 20 episodes.

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And he said, I think you guys, this is a very kind compliment. He said, I think you've been funny since the beginning. And so congratulations to you. You know, not every episode is hilarious. We understand that. But he said, I think you guys have been funny from the beginning.

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And then someone else commented, I went back and listened to the bits at the beginning of the show since you've been starting doing them again. And, you know, they're really hilarious. Here's the thing about the bits. They do take a lot of time and you got to script them out. And I do all the voices and all the production. And it's a little bit of a pain in the ass.

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Yeah, but it's going to be totally different then. Our bodies are going to react different. I mean, listen, I agree with you. Yes, when you get to a certain age, you should give no shit about it. Like driving that train high on cocaine, Casey Jones. Let's go. What does it matter anymore? It doesn't matter. It's like those old ladies at that Romanian, you know, traveler party, right?

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Oh, TCB, colloidal colada coolers.

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I had so much fun. That's the point. It brings me so much joy. I love creating these characters. I just have this... Yeah. Yeah. And WSHIT is their community radio station. Of course, and Yuckles. Yuckles. That is the local comedy club. Clown show and dating school. Or no, clown school and dating. I'll have to bring Yuckles back.

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But here's what I really wanted to talk about. Not Elon, not Tesla, not Crybubble. I wanted to talk about the couple. Two things. Number one, the couple who is now suing, is it Emirates Airline, I think, because Emirates put a dead body next to them in first class. Did you see that? No, no. Yeah, they had to fly like 12 hours next to a dead body.

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And they were in first class.

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Yes. Someone passed away on the plane. They had a heart attack or a stroke or something. Oh, my God. An older woman, which is sad, of course. Yeah, yeah. But she died of natural causes and it was just an event that happens on a plane. Probably happens. Listen, there have been pilots that have died, like co-pilots that have died.

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And the other pilot has to fly the plane home, you know, or make a landing. But they were over the ocean and there was nothing they could do. So the pilots made the decision, which is the right decision to make, that let's get to where we're going. And maybe this person has family that's waiting there or whatever. They're going home.

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Let's get to where we're going and then we'll deal with it when we get there. And this couple is very upset. They have pictures and video of them sitting next to a sheet, essentially a woman. And there's a sheet and she's buckled in and that's it. Right. Oh, my God. And it's in first class. So there's a little bit of separation, but there's still a dead body next to you.

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I understand just how disconcerting this must have been. But where in the fuck did they expect them to put the dead body? Other people were saying, put him put her in the bathroom. And I'm like, yeah, but then you take up a whole restroom and you've seen those plain restrooms at the end of a flight of especially an international flight.

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There's a lot of people have to travel in and out of those bathrooms.

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That's right. So you end up with a woman just flying everywhere.

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You got to secure her. I mean, you can't have her flying all over the place.

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Right. There's there's not many options. And I understand you want to sue because you didn't have a nice flight, but you're in first class on your way.

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Come on, guys. Really? Honestly, think about the poor lady's family.

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I'm going to say it, at the gypsy party. And they were all doing blow, huge plates of blow, and they were in their 80s. I agree. We should be like that. But it's not going to be the same. We're not going to be as fresh-faced, as young, as wild, as willing, as flexible. And I mean physically flexible, like our ability to, you know. Have sex without breaking a hip.

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It's the right thing to do to make sure that she gets at least in one piece back to wherever it is she's going so that the people that love her, you know, can do whatever they need to do to get some closure and not have, you know, I don't know if you bruise after you die or whatever, but not have, you know, open wounds or something because you're flying around the bathroom or flying around the floor or whatever.

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You can't put her in the overhead bin. We've all seen that it's really hard to get big stuff into an overhead bin. Yeah.

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And you can't put her in the crew's sleeping quarters.

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They did the right thing. In my opinion, they did the right thing. It probably happens all the time, but, you know, rare enough that you'll probably never experience it. But you are sitting in the open seat. What are you going to do? I mean, you got to do what you got to do. If it was me, I would have been gracious about it. And I would have said, well... Can I get a free bottle of champagne?

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Can I get some free booze? Because if you give me... Yeah. And I'm sure they did. I'm sure they did. I'm sure they did.

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Yeah. They didn't just go, oh, hey, I'm going to put this dead body next to you.

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Yeah, of course. It was an inconvenient... Probably the whole flight got something, right? Because it's a... A stressful thing to go through. But it does happen. It's part of life. And what are you going to do? Stop being such a dick. Don't sue anybody. That's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. It was a circumstance. And you should have been gracious in the moment. Because it wasn't about you.

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It was about the lady and her family. Leave it alone. Number two thing that I'm upset about. As far as lawsuits are concerned. Some Tool fans are suing Tool. Like, there's a class action lawsuit because Tool recently played their Tool in the Sand at the Hard Rock Dominican Republic.

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Which you and I mentioned.

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They got one of those.

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Everybody does. Our cruise. I think I saw one, Candlebox.

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I mean, everybody does. It's a cruise or it's an island retreat. It's big business. And you can go to a place like the Hard Rock in the Dominican where they are literally set up for it.

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You don't have to do anything as a band except for bring your gear and play a show.

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They're going to play two nights, Friday and Saturday. On those two nights, they are promising the two unique sets of Tool, right? So everybody goes to the first show, and they play six or seven songs, whatever it is. And because Tool songs are 86 minutes long, they play two songs, right, essentially. Mm-hmm. Then on Saturday, Maynard asked the crowd, who was here last night?

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Well, everybody was there last night because everybody's there for the entire weekend. You don't have an opportunity just to go for one night. And Jewel does not play in the most unique set because they repeat some of the songs that they played from the night before, which upsets some fans to the point where they start booing

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They start booing them during their set in the Dominican Republic on a beautiful beach. So I got to say, at what point do you just... say to yourself, man, you're really fucking entitled here. I get it. You're there for the weekend and you want to see all of your favorite Tool songs and you don't want to hear it twice. I understand.

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But Tool is entitled to play whatever it is they want to play because they're the artists. And if they feel like repeating a couple of songs, it sucks for you, but that's what they're choosing to do. And who knows, production-wise, they might have to do that because they have the visuals for these songs or Whatever the case may be, it doesn't really matter. You're seeing Tool twice.

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Like all these things there back then. Not now. And that's a little weird. But I know that we experience this at every age. Right. It's not just at this age where you experience it. It happens to everybody. It's. The wheel keeps on turning. Youth is wasted on the young. All the old adages we can put in there. But I looked at this specific picture and I thought to myself, that was us.

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Listen, if it was me and I was seeing whoever, I don't know, Pearl Jam. Let's say I was saying Pearl Jam. Pearl Jam also is in this. We don't do set lists except for 15 minutes before, and we always try and change it up every single show and blah, blah, blah. If I heard... you know, three of the songs on Friday and then three of the same songs on Saturday, I wouldn't complain.

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I'd feel grateful to have been in the room to hear any of it. And it just seems like a shitty reaction to playing a couple of songs, repeating a couple of songs. Now that all said... I do have to say this about Tool. They seem to really dislike their fans in general. Maynard seems to be really like kind of a fussy character who doesn't really care for the fans. And I understand. I get it.

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He's making the music for him, not for you. But if that's the case, then don't go out there and play in the sand. I mean, you're playing in the Dominican... It's clearly a money... It's a money thing, right?

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If there's any band in the world that I don't think about when I'm on the beach, it's Tool. I don't think about Tool when I'm drinking a fruity cocktail. I really don't. That's like the last thing that I would think about would be... any kind of Tool album. It's not beach music. It's just not. But it's big business to each their own. It must be a fun time to get together with other Tool fans.

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Get together with other Tool fans. Meet the one or two women that decided brave enough to show up inside the crowd. Exactly. And, you know, have some fun for the weekend. That must have been the most male... skewing weekend in hard rock history. But apparently, they have been doing this for a couple of years. This wasn't even the first time. They've been doing it for a couple of years.

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So Tool fans, stop being so entitled. You don't have to sue the band because they played a couple of songs over again night after night. That's a ridiculous thing. And Tool... If you really don't like the fans, then don't put out any more music and don't play. Do it in your basement for yourselves, to yourselves. Make your own mixtapes or whatever.

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But stop treating the fans like they're a bunch of assholes when they're paying money to see you. They're flying down to the Dominican Republic. The least you could do is be respectful of your fans. That's the least you could do. And listen, this has been going on time and more. Every rock and roll band at some point starts to argue with themselves and the fans. They're all... It's all the wall.

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Pinky and Floyd are arguing about the fans and they're slowly building a wall between them. But now I kind of understand why, because your fans want to sue you when all you do is play the music.

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I don't see them winning a fucking penny. I really don't. Because they said two unique sets of music. Yes, two unique sets of music. That could mean the same songs in a different order. Just remember that. Take that from a guy who was the front man for some of the world's most unknown music.

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It just doesn't sound right.

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Like I'm imagining guys with big black boots on and like long sleeve, you know, black tulle shirts.

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Yeah, I'm imagining a lot of guys in the pool with their t-shirts still on. Do you know what I'm saying? That's what I'm imagining. Like jorts and a long sleeve t-shirt. So I don't get why. I'm a Tool fan. So, there you go. I'm making fun of myself. What's that?

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I don't love every single thing that Tool's ever done, but I am a Tool fan. And I think their music is technically beautiful. Yeah, but I get it. It's kind of like Rush. You know the band Rush? I think you have to have a certain mindset to be into Rush, and I never had that mindset. Tool, I think, is the same way. You've got to be into very technical music to get it.

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That was us just a minute ago. Like, where did we go? Where did we go? We were all young and fun and somewhat good looking back then. Now I'm just... I have a fear that I'm not the George Clooney I thought I might be. Like, you know, Clooney gets better looking with age. He was on ER. Was he on ER?

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But I was hooked from that video Sober. Remember the video for Sober with the little claymation character? It was a very scary video, and I was convinced from moment one. I was like, oh, this band. I like this band. So I'd probably go down there to the Dominican Republic and see Tool. I've seen Tool a couple times. I've seen Tool a couple times. It's a weird show.

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Maynard is always hiding in the corner in some weird getup. He's always behind the drums. He doesn't really show his face. It's not his thing. He's a performer, but not... I don't know. It's all weird. If you like Tool, then you know if you don't. Why am I talking about Tool fucking cares? Don't sue Tool. Stop it. Stop it. Big babies. All right, tcbpodcast.com, that's where you go.

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More information about the show, all the audio, all the video, right there from one location, and your free TCB swag at the Contact Us button. 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, we take them all right there via text message or voicemail.

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You could be the next voice on the show at the commercial break on verified Instagram, tcbpodcast on TikTok, and youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak. for all the episodes the same day they air here on the audio feed. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

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I'll tell you that I love you. And I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there on the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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He was on ER. I think he started when he was on ER when he was like 57 years old. And now he's like 92. And the guy just keeps getting better looking. He's like Harrison Ford, George Clooney, Brad Pitt. They're all aging very gracefully, I must say.

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That'll do it. Tequila and money. But I don't drink and I don't have any money.

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So I just fear that I'm not going to be that Clooney I thought I was going to be.

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Yeah, between puffy pussy and Botox in your dick, there's something there. There's some combination of fountain of youth that is...

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I think brewing right around the corner. We're learning more. We're figuring it out. And while I'm not against plastic surgery or fillers or Botox or any of that stuff, I've decided it's not for me personally right now in my life. Mm-hmm. I don't know, just there's some things that I've seen that makes me a little bit nervous that these type of elective procedures, should they go wrong?

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And they will go wrong with me because that's not my luck in life, right? I'm going to end up having one eye that's just shut like permanently, like a pirate.

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Yeah. He's going to do Botox to get rid of some of the wrinkles in my head, and I'm going to end up with a camel toe. That's how it's going to be.

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You're going to go for some fillers in the vag?

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You're going to get some tight pants and pull them hard?

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All I ask is that you do it for Instagram so we can get a few more followers. Maybe if we start showing your camel toe, we'll get above 10,000. Camel toe is camel toe. It is what it is. It is what it is. It is what it is.

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Listen, I mean, they're all different. They're all beautiful. And there's some camel toe out there.

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I agree with you. Free the toe. Who cares? Honestly, at the end of the day, who gives a shit? It's a vagina. We all came from one. It's not going to kill you. And, you know, listen, I think there are appropriate places to have, like, sexualized camel toe, if you know what I mean. And then there... But...

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Okay, if you're walking around the mall with jeans that are a little tight and you're showing a little crack.

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Yeah, who cares? Get that puffy pussy out.

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She's got a little crack in the middle of my eye.

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Yeah, just be opposite. That's right. The slit. Yeah, I mean, listen, there's a fountain of youth brewing somewhere. We got people out there that are spending, you know, millions of dollars trying to, that one guy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, our friend Allison did a whole podcast episode about that guy and that movie. Yeah.

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There's a documentary that now has been made about the... I mean, you probably... I've seen it.

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No. No, I don't care. I care about the science and the technology, but I don't care that much about one egomaniac trying to, but they say biologically that his body is the body of like a late 20 year old. Right. And he is in his mid forties. So he has managed to be, I think your phone's ringing. Uh, his, he has managed to beat back, uh, some of time. It's the dentist. Do you need to take it?

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Can we listen? Yeah.

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They call me incessantly trying to sell me something. Oh, they do?

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Yeah, I mean, I get it. Like, you know, you're trying to make a business out of it. Dentists... are like doctors with used cars out front. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, there's something to be sold there.

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Like, a doctor's always pushing some kind of... You know, the medical reps come... Speaking of medicine and trying to beat the clock, you walk into a doctor's office, you tell them what's wrong, they diagnose you, and then they likely give you some kind of medication. That medication...

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could be the best fit for the job, or it could be the medication that they just got pitched that's supposedly doing new and wonderful things. That's the way it works. Everything's about money. It's all driven by revenue. We know this. But what I have noticed about dentist office specifically is that there are a lot of ancillary services to be added on to a dental visit. And

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Some of the dentists we've been to are really good at figuring out how to make it sound like you really need to get that done when the truth is you probably do not.

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I love my dentist.

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I love my dentist. I can't say that they don't try and pitch me anything, but I can say that it's not a hard sell. They're not, like, if I say no, then it's dropped. But they do, you know, and they text me and, you know, $1,000 off your, you know. Whitening or whatever. Yeah, your intense whitening services. I can go to the fucking Kroger and get Crest White.

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I use a whitening toothpaste.

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They are. I don't smoke anymore, so I don't get those yellow stains anymore. So I think my teeth are pretty white. I don't think I need a thousand dollar cleaning service. But should I? I'll let you know. Right. But there's like... I want to be careful about how I say this because I really do like my dentist. I'm a fan of the dental office. I'm a fan of the people that work there.

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I think they're kind. Me too. It just seems like there's a lot of suggested dental work that needs to get done, but I'm not feeling like it. Like, I don't feel it. So do I really need to get it done? Like, there's something back there, and we better spend $1,000 preemptively making sure that it's okay.

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But the preventative work doesn't always seem necessary. So I just push it off and push it off and push it off. But then again, then I'll end up in a dental chair. Yeah, then I have root canal that was seven months long. And that's the other thing is that I'm also reading and seeing a lot of Instagram reels.

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Now, I don't know if this is, this seems to be one guy pushing this narrative, but there also seem to be a lot of dentists who are latching onto this narrative that root canals are 100% ineffective. Mm-hmm.

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ineffective they cause nothing but back like infections and bacteria in your mouth and there's one dentist specifically he's got a lot of traction on instagram who says if you're being told you need a root canal you are being told that you need to have a lifelong infection in your tooth And forget about it. But I have yet to see what the alternative to the root canal is.

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Like, just let it rot out of your head. Pull it. I don't know.

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God bless. I've had three of them. I've had three of them and none of them went to plan. None of them. Not one of them. Now, I get it. I'm Irish. I got those Irish, you know, I don't know, potato eating teeth. I'm not even sure what the thing is. But the roots of my teeth are very long. And I had the first dentist who did a root canal on me, who was Dr. Feelgood. He had a...

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and don't come calling to me because I think he's long since been out of business. I don't even think he lives in the state anymore. But he was my, I was a bartender. He sat at my bar.

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Dr. Feelgood.

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Yeah, I don't even think he's in the state anymore. I don't know, but just don't ask me. I don't want anyone trying to follow up with me because, you know, listen, this was the go-go 2000s and we were all just a little bit crazier back then and everybody was hooked on pain pills. Let's just admit it, okay? Everybody. He had in his office like a candy jar. But that candy jar had Demerol in it.

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What? Demerol. And he would give it to you. I know. And then forget about the amount of pain medication that he would prescribe you for one tooth procedure. It was silly.

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It was silly. But that was the norm back then. There were a lot of people prescribing a lot of pain medication. That's true. And listen, in that sense, the root canal wasn't that bad. I mean, it wasn't that bad because I was so fucking doped up before, during, and after. Yeah.

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Um, but he said to me when I got my first root canal, I, it had to be done in three separate parts because the first time he went into the mouth and he opened it up, he said, I don't have drills that are long enough to get to the bottom of your roots. He's like, I have to special order them. And I'm like, what?

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And he's like, so I'm gonna have to close you up, clean you out, close you up, put a temporary filling in there. And then you got to come back when I get these back in a week. And he goes, here's the good news. The good news is you will never lose a tooth on its own. You just won't lose a tooth on its own. Those roots are so far up into your head.

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He's like, but the bad news is you may go through this anytime you need a root canal. And he was right. Every time I get a root canal, those doctors, they got to bring out the extra long whatever they call it. It's not a drill. It's like a poker.

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Those extra long pokers to get up into the roots. And so I've always had multi-part root canals. They're always messy and they never stop the pain 100%. And it's really obnoxious. So I'm starting to kind of, you know, conspiracy thinking. This is as far as Brian's conspiracy thinking goes. The root canals are a grand conspiracy by, I don't know, big filling. By big fillers.

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Yeah, I had Anne Hathaway. That's what I had. Pete Davidson, Kevin Costner, Anne Hathaway, Trump, and Taylor Swift. Listen, say what you will about Trump. He seemed to be very well received by that crowd. Very well received, which has not always been the case when Trump has been in the building. He has oftentimes been booed.

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Oh, really? Yeah. Is that true? Mm-hmm. The first time a president has ever gone to the Super Bowl?

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You would think that, what is it, Super Bowl 59 or something? Mm-hmm. You would think that after all those- It was Licks. It was Licks. Oh, yeah, that's right. L-I-X-X.

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L-I-X. What is that? What does the L stand for? The L stands for? It stands for 50? L-I-X. So that means one before 10. So 59.

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So you would think that after 59 Super Bowls, there would have been one president who decided to show up. Well, that's taxpayer dollars well spent right there. Shut down the Superdome so that Trump can come in and check it out. Listen, I got no problem with Trump showing up at the Super Bowl. It's obviously one of those things that most Americans tune in. It really is.

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I thought Obama was a big football fan. And certainly Bill Clinton, you know, the Super Bowl's got a lot of ladies that show up to it. Ladies of the night, you would think Bill Clinton would have been there to get some action, right?

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Hey, what do I know? I'm just a guy. I've never been to a Super Bowl. I'll never go to a Super Bowl. I don't know. It just seems like not something that I'd, it's of all the sporting events that I could go to, the Super Bowl is way down on the list.

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Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we've had a couple of them here.

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You went to some parties that were like Super Bowl sanctioned?

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Did you go to that Shaq thing? Is that what you went to? No. Oh, okay. Shaq. Shaq puts on a big... Oh, Shaq. Yeah, he becomes a DJ for a day. Yeah, that's right. No, I didn't do that. He puts on a big Super Bowl party.

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Like one of those warehouse things? Yeah. Yeah. And what do you mean by it was like, eh? It was just like kind of a boring party?

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It's like a scene. Scene and be seen. Scene and be seen kind of party. Yeah, that's admittedly not my scene either, mainly because no one's looking for me. Do you know what I'm saying? I think if people were looking for me, then it would be more exciting. Yeah. I'm more of a naked hippie in the wood kind of party. Because no one's looking for me there either, but at least I get to see tits.

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You know what I'm saying? So that's kind of my, that's more of my scene. Yeah. If there's boobs, then I can, you know, I can appreciate it. I think when the, not this time when the Super Bowl happened, but the last time when the Super Bowl happened, I did go to a couple of the strip clubs here. Okay. Days before, now, the day before the Super Bowl, we had a big ice storm.

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So, you know, but it was like a couple of days before, and I went to a few of the strip clubs, and it was lit. It was hopping. It was lit. Slamming. Slam packed. Yeah, Atlanta's known for having a lot of great dance halls where you dance naked. They are. Or they dance naked and you watch them and pay them to dance naked. Yeah. And yeah, I have no problem with that. Gold Club, baby. The Gold Club.

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Do you remember?

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By the way, not one of my daughters is singing that fucking Pink Pony Club, you know. At the Pink Pony Club, Chappelle Roan. Now, let me explain. I normally wouldn't have any problem with my daughter singing a Cheval Rhone song as long as the lyrics were appropriate. But she's a little girl. She is not even six years old yet. This one I'm talking about. She's not even six years old yet.

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And to anybody who lives in Atlanta, Pink Pony Club takes on a whole different meaning.

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Because the Pink Pony Club is the largest strip club in Atlanta. It is extraordinarily famous. And if you've lived in Atlanta long enough, you've been to a Pink Pony Club, no doubt about it. There used to be two. They shut one of them down. But I went to the grand opening of that one, of the second one.

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We went together. Yes. And I got propositioned by another executive at the company to have sex with him and his wife. Yes, that's right.

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Very not cool. Don't sleep with other executives and their wives. Just sharing that with you. Unless they have cocaine, then you can do it. All right, let's do this. Let's take a break. We'll run through the commercials on the Super Bowl. We got lots more to talk about. Thanks for joining us on this episode of The Commercial Break. We'll be back.

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All my friends and family all across the country, I say hello. How are you doing? And I must also say hello to my friends and family in Philadelphia. May you not kill each other. with the five-day celebration that will be for the Super Bowl.

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All right, let's talk about the most important thing regarding the Super Bowl, which is, of course, the commercials. Doesn't matter who's playing any given year. By the way, I had no dog in this fight. Like, I am not... a fan of the Chiefs. I am not a fan of the Eagles. I don't really care either way.

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But my kids got excited about the Chiefs because they like their ketchup and mustard colored uniforms, right?

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I know.

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When one of my kids said ketchup and mustard, I was like, oh, that's true. It is ketchup and mustard. Anyway, so they like the ketchup and mustard. And then, you know, the girls like Taylor. So, of course, they're going to vote. You know, they're going to run with that. So I will say I had no dog in the fight, but I thought, okay, I'll root for the Chiefs. Why not see them three-peat?

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That'd be cool, I guess.

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Those numbers are broke. Records are broken all the time. It's part of what makes sports interesting is when you can go ahead and break a record or do something interesting. Get 5,000 yards in one game. But I quickly became an Eagles fan, like within a quarter. I thought to myself, wow, these guys are playing superior football.

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And for a guy who doesn't know the first thing about football, I thought, yeah, this is cool. I like to see this. I like to see someone just dominate, picking people apart, picking a team apart. That was really good football played by the Eagles. So I will say, by the end of the first quarter, I was like, okay, go Eagles. Why not?

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That's right. So let's talk about the most important commercials of the day because, of course, the most important thing is the commercial breaks. Right, Chrissy? That's right. There you go. T-Mobile has decided that they are going to hook up with another big cuck, Elon Musk. The guy single-handedly destroying our Earth right now.

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Elon Musk, they're going to hook up with him and do some Starlink thing where you can get phone coverage anywhere. There is not a place where I travel. That I need that kind of coverage. If you're looking to get me on the top of Mount Everest, that's not going to happen. I do not go in the middle of the Sahara Desert. I am not camping out in Yosemite.

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I am not in the great wilds of Alaska or Canada, the great northern Canada. I am not any of those places where I would need Starlink coverage.

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Well, hey.

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I don't think so. I don't think so, and I'll explain why. Okay. You are fucking up the one – place close to earth that we have not fucked up yet which is our near earth atmosphere you are stuffing it full of little flying machines that by the way are coming down out of the sky all the time there was a lot of space junk yeah there's a lot of space junk

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Well, I'm already reading they're the city of brotherly love tearing the city of brotherly love apart currently right now. Did you know that they canceled school in Philadelphia on Monday a week before the Super Bowl even happened?

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And we're just creating more space junk, which is going to make it harder and harder to fly into space, harder and harder to see our own stars, harder and harder to, you know, navigate all these other things. This is like one huge experiment that no one knows what's going to happen. And now there are tens of thousands of those things flying in the sky. I have seen them with my own eyes. Yeah.

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It is rather disturbing because they are not stars. They are just little satellites providing internet to people in the Sahara Desert, I guess. Listen, I understand. I agree with you. In developing countries where you don't have internet access, I can understand how Starlink could be beneficial.

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But I think you could probably do that for developing countries with far fewer pieces of space junk flying through there. I just don't agree with filling our sky with a bunch of junk and hoping that everything turns out okay.

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I think we should have been a little bit more careful about deciding to allow somebody just to throw tens of thousands of satellites in near-Earth orbit and hope that everything's going to go okay. That's my personal opinion, you know?

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What's that?

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I don't want to go to space. I'd like my children to be able to look in the sky without seeing Elon Musk's name written there by a bunch of drones. That's what I'd like. Is that okay? Yes. Yeah, okay. Yes.

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This is not about Elon Musk. This is about space. This is about...

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Okay. Well, I disagree. And I think that we could probably take that same amount of money and just give connectivity to places on Earth that don't have connectivity. That's it. And the regular way that we do it here, you know, the regular, the way that it's been done for a long time, and it doesn't, that seems okay.

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You can position a satellite.

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You can position one satellite for connectivity or two satellites for connectivity. If I can get SiriusXM in my car anywhere I go and they have two satellites or three satellites, I think you could – and I am not an expert on connectivity. But I think you could probably do the same thing with far less space junk.

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They were

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They were preparing because they knew that no parent would be in a condition to drive their child to school the very next day. They were getting the DUIs off the street because everyone was going to celebrate well into the night, regardless of whether or not they won or they lost. And man, did they.

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About 7,000 of them. Look at that.

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Look at that. Every single one of those is a satellite.

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That's insane. That's insane. It covers every inch of the earth.

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More regulations. And then maybe we could accomplish the same thing without so many tiny little satellites. And I don't know, but maybe we could. And in the case of natural disaster, I totally understand. But do you know, you know this because Jeff does this. When Jeff has a concert, and there's going to be 20,000 of his closest friends are going to show up over there in Memphis, right?

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And he knows that that's going to be a problem when everybody's trying to call out and share pictures with their friends and post on Instagram. Jeff says, I need those people to post on Instagram to get the word out about Mempho. So you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to call Verizon or AT&T, and I'm going to let them know we're having this party, and they're going to show up with a big truck!

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And a big poll, and on that poll is going to be some receivers, and it's going to allow more people to use their phone inside of that venue. No muss, no fuss. Yeah. Can Verizon or Elon or whoever show up with one of those anytime there's a natural disaster? Could we do that also?

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Thank you. I will not be signing up for T-Mobile's Starlink service.

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Mad at you now. We're not friends anymore. Jurassic Park 17 is coming out with Scarlett Johansson, and I couldn't be less excited if you asked. If you tried to make me less excited about something, I couldn't be less excited about Starlink. I'm still stuck on it. I'm sorry. If you use Starlink, God bless you. If you're listening to me on Starlink... God bless you. God bless you.

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Thank you for listening. Yeah. Whatever. Anyway, I just have a problem with the space junk, but that's neither here nor there. I think the technology is amazing, but SiriusXM does the same thing with three satellites or two satellites, whatever it is. Jurassic Park 17 is coming out.

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I thought that that was a very anticlimactic commercial because how many times can we visit the same island and get the same goddamn dinosaurs to chase us around?

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And why are we going back to the island? Stop! Stop! Just let him die over there. What are we doing? Why are we going back? The first dum-dum had that idea to make Disney World out of Jurassic Park, which, by the way, was an excellent movie and an excellent book. Jurassic Park won.

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I was just reading all about the shenanigans going on in Philadelphia last night and probably well into the morning as the Philadelphia Eagles won over the Kansas City Chefs and the... Excuse me, the Taylor Swift Chefs. The Taylor Swift Chefs lost to the Eagles in a romp, Chrissy. It really was a romp. In a total romp.

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One. We stop at one. We don't need any more Jurassic Parks. You have to squeeze the ever-loving shit out of every fucking IP. I swear on all that's holy. No one is asking for Jurassic Park 7. No one. Do you know anybody in your personal life that is texting you, hey, when are they going to make another Jurassic Park?

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And I feel bad for Scarlett Johansson because I have a feeling that people are done with Jurassic Park and the poor girl probably got paid a fucking armored truck full of cash, probably showed up at her house to be in that movie. And it's probably not going to do very well because it's the same movie that we've been seeing since Jurassic Park 1. Yeah.

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They go to the island for some inexplicable reason, and then for some explicable reason, the dinosaurs want to kill them. Because they're dinosaurs! Fuckers. Then, of course, the Super Bowl started in the first commercial, 30-second commercials. Sean Hannity had to make sure that you know that he's on Fox News.

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If it was on NBC, they would be showing Lester Holt, and they would be talking about Rachel Maddow or whatever. They would have some kind of commercial to drive people to their properties. That's what they do. Ain't got no problem with that. That's obviously part of the game, no pun intended.

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But that Sean Hannity commercial where he's like staring at the mirror at the other, you know, news anchor and they're like, you know, oh, get ready to hit America and freedom. It's just weird. It's weird and it's overdramatic. Couldn't they have just shown like a clip from the Sean Hannity show and said, Sean Hannity, 9 o'clock on Fox, you know, like any other normal person.

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Why you got to be all weird about it, Fox? Anyway, I move on. There was the Ritz commercial with, what's that guy's name? Shannon? Michael Shannon? Do you know Michael Shannon?

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It was a Ritz Cracker commercial and Salt Bae was on it. So the whole premise was salty people. So there was Michael Shannon, who is obviously known to have a very sour face. And then the Aubrey Plaza, who also has a very sour face known as a kind of like, you know, resting bitch face. Both of them have. And then they were talking, you know, they were being miserable, essentially.

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Why are Ritz crackers so good? Why do they have to be so salty and buttery? When I smile, people think I'm breaking mirrors. Whatever he was saying. Something, kind of an unfunny punchline. And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, Salt Bae shows up. And it's like, Salt Bae? Are we really paying Salt Bae to do a commercial? I...

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would be happy to do a Ritz Cracker commercial because I like Ritz Crackers. Salt Bae is just a dude who throws salt on meat. Why is he a thing? And why is he in a Super Bowl commercial?

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No shit. He got $19 million in sales. He paid $8 million for the commercial. I guess it was worth it. I guess that's a plus plus.

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Well, he did this last year, too, or a couple of years ago, too. He spent all the money on the commercial. And so he just made a commercial with his iPhone where he was sitting in a dental chair getting his new teeth. And obviously, maybe he had had some laughing gas or something because he seemed like he was kind of twisted up. And he was like, uh... Yeezy.com. Yeah. It was a little weird.

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They had no fight in them. They had no answer for what the Eagles were throwing at them. The Eagles' defense... It looked like they were playing against children. It really did. They sacked Mahomes six, seven, eight. I stopped counting after a while. Six, seven, eight times.

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I understand the point. I get it. It's supposed to be a weird, out-of-place commercial. And then you're supposed to go to Yeezy.com and buy some Yeezy clothes. I'm wearing my Yeezy. I'm wearing my Yeezy sweater, by the way. Listen, Elon Musk. On Super Bowl Sunday, limited Yeezy's account. He put a not safe for work stamp on it, which means that it then won't show up in everybody's algorithm.

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Because even Elon Musk, think about this. When Elon Musk thinks you're going crazy, you have done something wrong. Yes. He is just right. He is. It's a screed. And that screed is anti-Semitic, racist, homophobic, transphobic. It is. It just goes on and on and on and on and on. And I understand he's trolling us. But it's like, I don't know that the joke is funny anymore.

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Hello, everyone. Well, the Ball State softball team continued to play this weekend, and they were hoping to continue off of their straight three out of four losses. And so we'll take a look and see how that happened. They started off good, but then eventually the Ball State women's team shut down and ended up doing poorly. Oh, no. And we're going to continue on now.

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Oh, she retorted?

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She apologized for her husband? Basically, yes. I wonder how Yeezy feels about that. That must be a weird relationship to be in. It has to be. Fly on the wall. Chrissy and Jeff on Naked Cooking Days, Yeezy and Bianca on any Cheesecake Factory dinner date. That's it. That's what I want to see. Mountain Dew with Seal. Oh, right. The Seal is a seal. Listen, weird, very strange.

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Seal was a seal, and he was singing about Mountain Dew, and I was, you know, like... I could be a kiss from a Mountain Dew. My flippers won't hold a Mountain Dew.

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I thought it was funny. I thought it was funny. Good job, Mountain Dew. I thought it was funny.

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It was so fucked up. That in the, what was it? Is it Amazon commercial or Netflix commercial with the kid who grew a hat on his head? Oh, yeah. That's right. That made me sick to my stomach. I felt kind of queasy.

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Oh, the whipped cream. Yeah, that was weird. Yes. I thought to myself, we just talked about how Whippet has a whole secondary industry killing your children with laughing cats. And they had a commercial where the tongue came out of the mouth.

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Those two commercials. I don't know. I don't like when, like those CGI drawings of, it's just weird to me. There's a lot of this AI running around where they make the skin and the head and the bones do different things. It makes me feel a little queasy.

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I couldn't even watch that commercial. And then they had like four parts to it. So that kid with the head hat just kept on showing up. It was a little strange. WeatherTech had one of the best commercials of the night.

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This is coming from a guy who does not know the first thing about sports. And I'm telling you what, even I could tell that the Eagles were just superior to the Chiefs. It was embarrassing. I think I even texted that to you at one point.

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WeatherTech, the floor mat company.

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Yeah. Hey, listen, I didn't know that floor mats were so in demand.

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But, you know, every third person in this country owns a pickup truck. And by the way, statistic. They're needed. True. Someone wrote this one time, and I think it was 70 percent. 70 percent of pickup truck owners report never using the benefit truck. It's like, why do you have a pickup truck if you don't have a... Anyway, so I think that's what's going on.

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There's a lot of pickup trucks getting weather tech. I don't know.

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It was a great commercial.

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In a convertible. Yeah. So they're driving down the highway, going real slow, and then they're doing beach volleyball or something. Then they're playing bingo, and one of the ladies wins.

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And she flashes the bingo.

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She said they were like 80s or something. It was cute and it was well done. Good job, WeatherTech. I'm not going to buy your stuff, just because I don't need it. I don't own a pickup truck. Let's see. Instacart did, I think, the best nod to our generation, the Gen X people who grew up with a certain type of mascot in almost every one of the food commercials, like the Kool-Aid. What is his name?

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What's the Kool-Aid name, Scott?

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Kool-Aid Man. All right. Okay. Kool-Aid Man.

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Mr. Clean. The Green Giant. The Green Giant. Tony the Tiger, I think, was in there. So all of those, when we were kids and we saw commercials on Saturday morning TV trying to get us to tell our parents to go buy them something, they would put a mascot, like a practical effect mascot or a cartoon mascot like Tony the Tiger or Green Bean Giant or whatever his name is.

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And those would be the commercials we would watch over and over again for years in the 80s and 90s. And so what they did is they put them all together in one commercial for Instacart. And I thought that was really well done. I liked it. Even though it was only like 30 seconds long, I thought, oh, that was cool. Snoop Dogg and Tom Brady kept on telling us to, you know, stand down, be peaceful.

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Yeah, that's right. Thanks, Snoop. Thanks, Snoop. That's all I got to say about that. Disappointed in my boy Snoop. We already talked about this, but... Matthew McConaughey was in every third commercial. And I guess this is his big money-making opportunity.

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The Uber Eats commercial.

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Where he was putting together a conspiracy. Where he was saying that the Super Bowl and football in general was just a conspiracy to get us to eat more food.

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No, I don't think anyone expected it to go like that. It was clearly... I think the Chiefs were favored going into the game.

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Because the Super Bowl. And then he was talking about all the food-related... terms that are used in football and how the NFL since the beginning has been doing nothing but getting us to buy more food. And that was an Uber Eats commercial. And who else was in it? The lady who directed Barbie.

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Oh, right. Yeah, exactly.

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Greta. Oh. Greta. Oh, my God. Greta Gerwig. Greta Gerwig was in that commercial, too. I thought that was an interesting commercial. It was cute. You know, it was fine.

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Google AI was the creepiest commercial of the night and the most hypocritical commercial of the night. And I'll explain why, Chrissy, if you don't mind, first here for a second. Go for it. It was a commercial where a guy is talking into his phone and obviously practicing for an interview for a job. Guy probably my age, in his 40s, right? Practicing. to do an interview.

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And so he's asking AI, you know, and AI is asking him questions and he's asking questions back and forth and they're prepping for this interview. And all of the answers that he's giving, so that AI asks, what is the hardest job you've ever had? And as he's answering those questions, very business-like, what he's actually talking about is being a father.

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So they are intertwining images of him as his children are growing up doing various things, right? So meant to tug at your heartstrings. But this thing that you're talking to is actually going to take your fucking job away. It is the most inhuman thing that you could think of. It is a little bit dangerous, a bit scary, and I understand it's cool and fun right now to play with.

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And yeah, maybe it can prep you for your next interview. But then what happens when it takes your job? Asshole. Google AI is the least...

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Oh, just a little bit? Okay. So Chrissy keeping an eye on the MGM bets there. Favored just a little bit going into it. They have the experience. They've won two in a row. They beat the Eagles in a Super Bowl two years ago. And so you just kind of think, well, they have the upper hand. And they've got Patrick Mahomes, who whether or not you like the guy, he's really good at football.

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emotional thing that i could think of it's literally a computer that's spitting out things back at you it's like mirroring humanity in a weird human voice and then they try and like tie it into the emotionality of raising children we won't be able to raise our children if ai takes all this shit away from us

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Yep. I did have a panic attack after that episode also. So much so that I'm not running that episode. I don't think I want to give everybody else a panic attack. I think I'm putting that in the can. I really do. I'd listen to it again. And first of all, just you and I, by the way, we did an episode, we reviewed the most advanced robot that is currently out there.

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And it was about as creepy as you would expect. It's got advanced AI as well as facial movements and all this other stuff. And we reviewed it and it was really just Chrissy and I going, shit, shit, shit. Yeah, it's just us having an anxiety attack live on air. Okay, one more and then we'll take a break.

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I thought that Rocket Mortgage did one of the better commercials of the night as they took John Denver's Take Me Home Country Roads They had that song tied to, you know, people doing everyday things, crying, laughing, getting hurt, helping each other, you know, raising children. So at first I thought, oh, this is a West Virginia commercial. Yeah, me too. Come home to West Virginia.

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But what it was, was come home to Rocket Mortgage. We'll buy you a house. So they play this song. You're singing it along in your head. You're like, take me home, country roads. It's like a cover of the John Denver song being sung by a choir. And so the commercial is very nice. It tugs at your heartstrings the whole nine yards. Cut the commercial.

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And then it's playing the John Denver version of the song in the Superdome. And they are showing people in the crowd singing along to it, like have their arms around each other. So the entire, you know, the Superdome is essentially singing the same song, just like you were when the commercial was. And it was like a touching moment, I thought. Like, oh, well done, Rocket Mortgage. Well done.

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Good coordination. Well done. You know, well thought out. And it worked to the effect that everybody was singing the song and having a moment together. All right. We'll take a break. We come back. We'll talk more.

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He is really good at football. He creates plays out of thin air. He can run the ball. He can pass the ball. He can twirl around. I mean, in the last quarter, there was a few flashes of brilliance from Patrick Mahomes, but that was it. I think they held him to like less than 200 yards of off. It's just insane. The numbers were insane.

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Okay, back here reviewing some of the Super Bowl commercials on a Super Bowl Wednesday. I know, Wednesday after the Super Bowl.

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Hey, you heard it here last. Why not? So we talked about the Rocket Mortgage. Okay, now let's talk about the most hypocritical commercial of the night, besides the Google AI bullshit. Yes. The personal Jesus Jesus commercial. Holy shit. Did they get this so fucking wrong? I know. In every way, shape, or form.

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Johnny Cash covered Personal Jesus on his last album where he did all cover tunes that was produced by Rick Rubin to great effect. Yeah, it was a great album. It was an incredible album. The song Hurt by Nine Inch Nails being sung by Johnny Cash is one of my opinion in the top 25 songs of all time. It is an incredibly...

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emotional and moving version of that song sung by an incredibly moved and emotional johnny cash prodded by rick rubin to almost cry during the song and you can hear it in his voice it's amazing but he also did a cover of personal jesus by depeche mode Personal Jesus by Depeche Mode is a song talking about television evangelists and the people who give money to them.

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And it is a song essentially making fun of those people, right? It's a satire is what it is. So in their infinite wisdom, whoever they are, the people who every year now put together a minute-long commercial about Jesus and going to this website to learn more about Jesus Christ, Think what you will about Jesus Christ. But even Jesus Christ would have known that personal Jesus is not about him.

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It's about the idiots who are taking your money. In the name of faith and religion. And the crazy part is that no one in the organization.

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No one in the marketing agency that they probably paid $2 million to to make that commercial. No one was wise enough to research what the meaning of the fucking song Personal Jesus was. Because Depeche Mode, I can guarantee you, did not mean to put it in a Jesus commercial. No. And where is Depeche Mode on all of this? That's a good question.

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They're laughing while they collect that check.

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Well, let's be real about it, too. They probably don't own the rights to the song, right? It's probably owned by, you know, whatever, BMG or Universal Music Group or some hedge fund somewhere. Scooter Von Braun or whatever his name is. Scooter. Scooter probably owns it and sold it. But yeah, Depeche Mode got a big check for, you know, using their song in that commercial.

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But it was just like at first I thought, oh, this is cool. It's showing people who are in some kind of distress being helped by somebody who is not in distress. So a police officer, a firefighter, a neighbor, someone random on the street. They're like pulling them out of a car after a car accident. talking to them while their house is burning down or whatever. It's just showing people in distress.

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These very beautiful black and white photographs mostly. And it's just a series of them as this cover of Depeche Mode's Personal Jesus is playing in the background. And at first I thought, okay, this is a really effective commercial. But as I got about 15 seconds in, I started to think, there's no way this is about Jesus.com, is it? There's no way this is the Jesus.com commercial. And it was.

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And as I mentioned yesterday on the show, I don't even know what that means, but it doesn't sound good. It just doesn't sound good. No. So while the game may have been less than entertaining after the second quarter, everything around the game was to be watched because that's what the Super Bowl is.

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Fail in every sense of the word. Besides the beautiful photography, fail in every sense of the word. Fail in the use of a cover song, fail in the meaning of the song, fail in the intent of the commercial, and fail to anyone who ever heard that phrase. Depeche Mode song and understood what it meant. We were all going, what? Really?

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They had no idea. Do you think that there's somebody getting fired this morning? Maybe. Because there must be a ton of people. I didn't see it, but there must be a ton of people online who are like, what the fuck is that all about? Tom Brady played a robot in a Duracell commercial, and I think that could not be more true. Best use of actual robots in a commercial, Tom Brady. Tom Brady.

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He is so stiff. People have been ridiculing Tom this entire year over his announcing abilities. And I also know that it, listen, I've done 700 episodes of this show, probably 800 hours of the show, and I'm not the best announcer on the microphone. I think I know what I'm doing in the studio, but I also know that it takes a long time to sharpen those edges.

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And I'm still umming and ahhing all the way through the show. So I get it. But Tom Brady yesterday, he must have said five times, four minutes and 13 seconds left in the game when it was like the second quarter. When asked, what do the Chiefs do now? Tom was like, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. He was making like inside jokes at Kevin Hart, which is another celebrity that was there, by the way.

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He was just, he was kind of all over the place. And I didn't really care for his announcing style. I didn't really understand a lot of what he was saying. I don't think he was lending, besides the fact that he has been in many Super Bowls and has the ability to put himself in Patrick Mahomes' shoes. You know, you're down by a lot. What do you do?

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But he used none of that wisdom during the actual Super Bowl. that he was getting paid to talk about that exact stuff. He just didn't do it. Tom Brady is a robot. He's a robot. He needed batteries. That's all I got to say. So I thought that was a well-done commercial.

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Because I could easily see Tom Brady as a robot. No knock on Tom. He seems like a nice enough guy. Tom Brady does. You know?

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It is a ridiculous television program to entertain 100 million people with lots of commercials, dancing, and other shenanigans and dramatics. Am I right or am I wrong?

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He seems a little skinny. Like, I think Tom could have a burger or something. Doesn't he seem a little skinny? Yeah. Did he look a little gaunt to you? I'm just saying that. Okay. And so chat, GBT dots. We already talked about that. The whipped cream tongues didn't have, didn't have any care for tongues flying out of people's mouths.

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Yes. NFL did a commercial, as they always do, trying to let us know just how much good they do in the world. And they had a commercial, which I referred to as the I am somebody commercial. So it was a bunch of coaches sitting around talking to various kids of different ages, and they were cutting back and forth to these coaches, giving these pep talks.

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And some of these kids were able-bodied and some of them were disabled. And it brought me to tears, actually. I was like, wow. And they kept on screaming, I am somebody. I am somebody. I am somebody. And, you know, it was a tearjerker. And then it was like NFL, doing your community proud. Yeah, right. Okay, got it. Billion-dollar industry that can't even take care of its own players. I got it.

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You're doing great work in our society. Thanks. Appreciate it. The Much Ballyhooed Hellman's commercial with Melanie Griffin and Billy Crystal.

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Going back to the Harry Met Sally orgasm scene. Yes. Yeah. Are we to believe that Hellman's mayonnaise, which is not even the best mayonnaise, is really causing... It's my favorite mayonnaise. Is it your favorite mayonnaise? You don't like Duke's? Mm-mm. Oh, Chrissy. I know. It's a divide. What is your problem?

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It is a divide between real mayonnaise and other shit. And homogenized oil.

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I did too, and then I tried Duke's, and I never went back. I mean, not that I never went back. It's not—I will eat Hellman's mayonnaise if it's there, right? If it's the only mayonnaise available.

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What's that? How often do you eat mayonnaise? Depends on if my OCD has me in a mayonnaise cycle, right? That's true.

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That's true. Sometimes I eat a lot of mayonnaise. Sometimes I don't eat any mayonnaise. I'm not currently in a mayonnaise phase, but I could be back at it at any moment. Yeah, I've cycled it out. I want notice when you go back into the mayonnaise phase. Well, just check my refrigerator. You'll know. There'll be two of them sitting there. I got backups everywhere.

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You know, I think the early 2000s were really like the heyday. We were on the precipice of advertising greatness. And it has all fallen off a cliff since then because I didn't see one commercial except for the breast cancer commercial that I thought was. Like, yeah, the job of making my eyes open a little bit wider. Like, wow, that was a really good. Right.

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You know, OK, so besides disagreeing on mayonnaise, I will say this. I just didn't find that commercial to be funny, engaging or at all. And I understand you're not going to believe that someone's having an orgasm over mayonnaise. Billy Crystal tried his best to deliver the lines, but it was just such a trope. It felt like, oh, Hellmans, you could have done better than that.

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And Billy, well, I guess if someone paid me $100,000 to show up for 30 seconds on set, I also would do that. But I just thought it was kind of a weird commercial that didn't make any sense. Yeah, it was. Pringles had a great commercial with the mustaches flying around. I thought that was well done. Good job, Pringles. A couple points for originality.

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The mustaches came off the guys and came off the Pringles. You know, the Pringle guy with the mustache came off and was flying around. And then they flew right into like a skyscraper window like a bird would and then fell down. It was really funny, actually. The Bud Light commercial with— No, the old Clydesdales.

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No, I'm talking about the other one. That was Budweiser. Yeah. The Clydesdales.

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I love the Clydesdales. Me too. It's an American tradition. I thought this was one of the weaker commercials.

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They have had so many good commercials with the Clydesdales. They have. They're spoiled. Like the Clydesdale with the puppy, the Clydesdale going and delivering beer in the big truck. You know, like— These emotional moments that you have and this connection with the Clydesdales, which, by the way, I've seen those Clydesdales. When I went to Denver to the Budweiser plant, I saw those Clydesdales.

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They are as big as this house. They are incredibly big and beautiful. And you don't want anything to do with them.

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Yeah, they are very majestic. So I just look forward to that commercial because I always know you get a little tear jerk out of that one. But this one, not so much. It was like rolling a keg to some guy in a bar. And I didn't get it. I didn't understand it. But I was talking about the Bud Light commercial where they had... Peyton? No, Shane Gillis. Yeah, Peyton Manning. Shane Gillis.

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Who else was in it? Oh, Post Malone. Oh, right. So all of them were in the backyard and Shane Gillis was trying to keep Peyton Manning from, you know, the neighbors calling the cops or whatever. They were having a big party, essentially. A big cookout is what was going on. So I guess we've all made up with Bud Light now.

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I guess that's the point. That's the point of it. We've all made up with Bud Light. It's okay to drink Bud Light again. So, fine. It was a fine commercial. It was, you know, interesting.

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Cute. Spruce Who Let the Dogs Out, the Bill Murray email commercial I already talked about. You know, Bill Murray gave his email address, and I don't know what was going on there. You can do it. Do it yourself. Billhimselfatyahoo.com. Email it. They are going to spam you, just letting you know.

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Yeah, I'll show you a picture of it. It's a long convoluted email with bad spelling and weird hyphenation. Very strange. Did you watch the video? I did. I watched the video.

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You didn't?

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Yeah, it takes a long time to read the email.

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It makes no sense. Bill Murray woke up one morning and he was a dog in the mirror. Huge fan. Didn't get it. Yeah, I didn't get it either. A huge fan to the point where Chrissy and I actually went and saw him singing terribly at a concert with his blood brothers. Of course, the meta had to make an appearance. And of course, meta hired the Kardashians to do or a Kardashian. The mom.

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Well, she's not even a Kardashian. She's a Jenner. But hired her to talk about how wonderful the Ray-Ban meta sunglasses were going to be forever. Fuck you. Fuck Mark Zuckerberg. Fuck you, Kardashian. Fuck it. Fuck it all. Don't. Please don't give Kuckerberg any more ammunition. Don't. Just don't. He has ruined so much of society.

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And now we're all going to play along as people get to wear glasses that are recording every bit of humanity.

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I don't know. Then it shows you that, you know, it searches things for you and it shows you the world around you. Could we separate ourselves anymore from the human experience? I'm being serious. I could see how this is cool. I understand it's cool. But Ray-Ban and Meta getting together to do the Meta Glass, fine, whatever. But don't take that money. Don't.

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There are a couple of these, like Jesus.com or whatever it was, wouldn't take their money. Meta wouldn't take their money. AI, probably not going to take their money. And they do have a lot of money, though, so maybe it might be a little. Okay, and AI, I'd take their money. But Meta, I'm not taking their money. Fuck Meta. And then to see a Kardashian in there, it's like, wow, there you go.

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Two peas in a pod right there. Two people that ruined society. Mark and Kris Jenner. Kevin Costner cares. Megan 2. Why is this movie such a big deal? It's all over the place.

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Why is this movie such a big deal? I don't know. Why do we care? Did we see Megan 1? It's about a dancing robot that kills people, I think. Is that what it is? Now my kids are excited to see it. They saw the commercial and they're like, oh, daddy, I want to see Megan 2. I'm like, Megan 2? What are you talking about? Megan, it's like a murdering robot, isn't it? Isn't that what it's about?

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Have you seen Megan One?

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Well, you're really shooting your shot, I guess. If you're paying $8 million for 60 seconds, you are shooting your shot. Unless you're one of these. Like, we'll go through some of the commercials in the next segment. But, you know, one of the things that I thought was strange is they told us there was going to be a lot of AI-focused commercials.

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Oh, it is? Yes.

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I'm already having a panic attack. Lays did, I thought, a nice commercial where they had a girl who was growing a potato plant and then she took her potato and sent it to the Lays factory, which, you know, that happens. Yeah.

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I know.

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That may have been why they did the commercial. I think so. Yeah, because they got to get back on the wagon and get in your belly. Homes.com must be spending a ton of money on celebrities because they had Morgan Freeman in their commercial. I can only imagine that he must be one of the more expensive voices to get. in your commercial because everyone wants Morgan Freeman's voice, right?

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So he was in a homes.com commercial. And I just noticed that homes.com has a lot of commercials right now. They are really hitting the marketing very, very hard.

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Yeah, Zillow and Realtor.com. So I think they're really just trying to kind of, I don't know, smother the market.

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Yeah, get into your brain. Although, I don't know if I've ever been to Homes.com. Have you been?

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Okay.

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Is that what it is? Okay. All right. Hims and Hers. Oh, yeah. Let's talk about this for a second and how just terribly positioned this commercial was for a lot of different reasons. First of all, Hims and Hers shows... Talks about the conspiracy on behalf of the medical industry to keep people sick and overweight. Talks about how many Americans are overrate.

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It shows pictures of regular average Americans, most of which are overweight in the commercial. And it talks about how the medical industry wants to keep us sick so that they can sell us medicine and keep us coming back. To then be a commercial about a medical company that sells medications to keep us coming back.

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It was unbelievably tone deaf. Unbelievably tone deaf. And it shows, it was also talking about the unrealistic expectations set upon us on the media for our body types and body expectations and, you know, body image and all this other stuff.

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Now, lose weight with our medications. Not the other guy's medications. Lose with our medications. Uh-huh. It's the same fucking thing. You're a same cog in the wheel. I don't understand why you're trying to convince us otherwise. Incredibly tone deaf. I have nothing against him or hers. I don't know who they are. I don't know what they do. I guess they sell GLP-1s.

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Oh, call me. I'll do a sponsorship for you. Anyway, you know, okay. Great. Yeah. And then they're trying to tell us that there's unrealistic expectations about body image. I agree. No doubt about it. The camera's for me. Excuse me while I take one second to talk inside of the studio. Thank you very much. I have no doubt about it. That this is all true.

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And while there were AI-focused commercials, I didn't think they were all that brilliantly done. Like, ChatGPT had a commercial where just a bunch of dots made a bunch of pictures. It was so stupid. Right.

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That, in fact, the medical system has kind of turned itself backwards. I don't think it's a conspiracy, but I think that it's just the way that it is. To sell you the medications and, you know, not fix the problem. Because that's where the money is. Like Chris Rock said... It's on the comeback. It's not on one sale. It's on keeping you coming back. And I understand that. I'm not dumb enough.

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But does Hims and Hers understand that they are part of that process, that system?

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So they have doctors that are prescribing you medication to keep you coming back so you stay skinny. It's insane how tone deaf this commercial was. But the very next commercial, the very next commercial is for poppy sodas. Poppy sodas, low sugar, supposed to taste like your favorite soda, but it's got low sugar and all the, you know, low carb or whatever it is.

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And it shows nothing but beautifully...

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beautiful women skinny as can be in slinky outfits telling you that you should drink poppy soda to keep those unrealistic expected to keep those bodies unrealistically skinny it was crazy that Fox did not separate these two commercials that no one in at Fox after having gotten 16 collective million dollars from these two companies didn't think for one second to check how the continuity would go

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You would think that would be one of the things that someone has to check, right? Yeah, I guess. I just, I watched it and I was like, holy shit.

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Yeah, it's true. I mean, listen, no one accused any of those big networks of being smart. But at the same time, if I'm Poppy or if I'm hims and hers, I'm upset the next morning that these two commercials ran back to back. Because one is talking about how, you know, media and the health industry is just trying to keep you sick and make you live up to unrealistic expectations.

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uninteresting that i don't know what the point was why did we do that chat gpt i thought a lot of them were like that where i was like what what did that mean well yeah woody harrelson and matthew mcconaughey are in you know 12 of the 64 commercials yeah okay we get it they're buddies what does it have to do with ai i'm not really sure i mean i think there was some narrative going on there but i really didn't get it and then matthew mcconaughey is in every single commercial that they have like

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While the next commercial wants you to live up to those unrealistic expectations. It's crazy. Yes. That was the dumbest thing that Fox did all night. I have tried poppy sodas.

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Yeah. And? Did you have you tried them?

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Yeah, I've tried them. Listen, I don't, you know, everybody claims they taste, you know, it's like soda, the soda maker and all these. They all claim that they taste like your favorite soda.

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Yeah. But I don't know if they taste like your favorite soda. That's all I'm saying. I guess that's left up to interpretation. Yeah. And I don't have anything against poppy. We actually have some in the refrigerator right now. It's fine. Whatever. Cool. Yeah. It's carbonated soda that essentially tastes a little bit like maybe your favorite soda, but not all the way bit.

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Like a little bit, not all the bit. You know what I'm saying? Okay. It's not a... If you really are dying for a Coca-Cola, there is nothing else that's going to replace that taste except for Coca-Cola. None of those spritzy spray stream things that you have at home. None of those sodas that are low carb, low sugar. Coke Zero is not going to do it for you. Coca-Cola is what you want.

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It's a taste that humans are born. I think humans are born wanting Coca-Cola. They know the taste. Yes. A Pepsi's not going to cure that. Nothing's going to cure that. RC Cola, not even going to come close. If you want a Coca-Cola, drink a Coca-Cola. And I'm not a cuck for Coca-Cola. I'm just saying that's the way it is. Same with Sprite.

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There's a lot of Sprite imitators out there, Chrissy, but none of them taste like Sprite. That's all I have to say. What did you think about the commercial?

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You thought they were so-so? Yeah. Yeah? Well, listen.

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Yeah, clearly there was no standout.

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Yeah. I don't think there was any standout commercial where it was like, that was the best commercial.

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Yeah. But I did think the breast cancer commercial was excellent to raise awareness. It showed bouncing boobs. It showed famous scenes from movies that have boobs. It did everything but show an actual naked boob. It was all boobs.

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What's that?

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Yeah, we got that. Ye took care of it. No problem. Thanks, Yeezy. We appreciate it.

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Check your ta-tas. Men and women. The only thing it didn't do was show a man and his boobs, and I wish they would have, because men also can die from breast cancer. True. I don't think a lot of guys know that. But check your ta-tas. Everybody, check your ta-tas. Go get your ta-tas checked out. That's the most important message of the night, I think, quite frankly.

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That and Taylor Swift, maybe on the backside of her very... Wonderful two-year run, 23-24. Okay. I'd like to thank Ari Shafir, who came in yesterday. Tuesday's TCB infomercial was Ari. Please do yourself a favor. Go watch his new Netflix special, America's Sweetheart. Available right now. It's out. You can go watch it. AriShafir.com for tour tickets and all the good stuff about Ari.

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You can go check that out. I'll put a link in the show note. All week long in the show notes. Ari. Also, we'd like you to get in touch with us, 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, we're taking them all right there. Text message or leave us a voicemail if you want to be on the next episode of The Commercial Break. Who knows? Maybe we'll use your voice.

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Just be mindful about what you say at The Commercial Break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak.com. For all of the episodes on video the same day they air here on the audio, please subscribe, like, and comment on your favorite video. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now.

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But I'll tell you that I love you.

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Best to you. Best to you. Fuck your Starlink idea. Until next time, we always say. We will say. We do say. Goodbye.

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What the fuck is going on in here?

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Oh, they did?

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Oh, okay. Yeah, Jeep. All right, good for you, Jeep.

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Oh, Matthew McConaughey is a Jeep guy? Oh, I thought he was a Buick dude. I don't know. I thought he was a Lincoln Continental dude.

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Yeah, wasn't he? Yeah. Wasn't he driving around that Lincoln? Now it's Jeep. Saying things like, I keep getting older, and they say the same age.

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The Ladies Cardinals will play an Iowa tournament starting this Friday. Before the Ball State baseball team kicks off its conference season this weekend, the Cards will battle an in-state rival, Indiana, tomorrow. Tomorrow's game will be the meeting between the two, beating both.

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I'm going to let you think about it. I'm going to let you stir here for a second.

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It's not Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Do you know it? No. Dazed and Confused. That's right. Dazed and Confused. One of the great movies of the 90s, for sure.

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It does. Only American Graffiti was set in the 50s and this was set in the 70s. But I get what you're saying. I understand. It's like kind of a one night out type of, you know, riding around in cars and chasing girls and all that other stuff. Okay. I get it. Anyway, I thought that the Super Bowl was overdramatic and overproduced on behalf of Fox, but that's what Fox does.

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That's what Fox has been doing since Fox came on air. They just have a certain flair for the dramatic. They do things different than the other networks do. Not good or bad or indifferent. It just is what it is. They had the whole opening with Lady Gaga, which I thought it was touching. I didn't know why we had to have all of the football commentators surround her. I think it would have been more...

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prescient, if that would have been police officers or firefighters or people in the military, people that are real heroes, because the song is about, you know, something. The song was about something. Something sad.

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Yeah, it was right on Bourbon Street. Yeah, they were doing it right on Bourbon Street. How they got Bourbon Street closed like that, I don't know. So Astrid said, you know, oh, that was, you know, do you think they did that live? And I'm like, fuck no, they didn't do that live. They probably did that at three in the morning when they could close down Bourbon Street.

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Because I would bet you dollars to donuts that none of those bars would agree to close. days or the day of the Super Bowl? No way. When the Super Bowl's in New Orleans, those people are making hand over fist cash on liquor unless Fox just paid them a dickload of money.

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But my interpretation would have been that they probably did that really early in the morning or really late at night and had a crowd show up to do that. I thought it was a little weirdly positioned with all the football commentators, but the song was beautiful and the point was taken and I understood. So I thought, oh, okay, all right, a little shout out. Then they did a God Bless America.

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Who was that little shorty?

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Trombone Shorty.

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And then John Batiste. He's great. I love him. He is an incredible musician. He is an incredible musician. And then they had Harry Connick Jr. come out, and he did a little, you know, let's get this party started kind of thing. And I thought all of that was very New Orleans.

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I think they did a good job of adding the flavor of New Orleans into the actual production. They then had some very famous college marching bands that came out and did their thing. Yep. That was a very New Orleans thing to do, too. So I think they did a good job of representing New Orleans. I will say that. Yeah. But just, you know, a touch of the dramatic, like a touch of the dramatic.

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Dramatic for Fox, but I get it. That's what Fox does, and that's what Fox needs to do. And let us not forget... The game is secondary to the entertainment value that it's providing. The point is to keep you hanging around during the commercials.

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And they have done a good job, the Super Bowl collectively and the NFL in general, has done a good job of making this a spectacle you must watch regardless of who's playing and regardless of what the score is. You have to watch for the commercials.

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And the halftime show. which was Kendrick Lamar, which I thought was fine. I thought it was good. I know there was a lot of messaging going on in there. I only, and I'm just being honest about this, I only got some of that messaging after I read about it on social media. But Kendrick is great. He's a super entertainer.

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He's out there in the middle of the Superdome with 12 layers of clothes on in full gloves. I mean, I understand it's a style he's got going on, but that dude was sweating. Yeah. Yeah, you're under those lights and you're wearing like that, the two heavy coats and gloves and these big boots. I mean, that must have been a lot to go out there and shake it like that for a long time.

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But I thought that the Super Bowl halftime show was fine. It was fine.

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I am getting too old. How did my brain just fart and not see Serena Williams? I watched the entire thing pretty intently, and I didn't see Serena Williams, not once.

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Oh, was she glammed out? Was she one of the dancers?

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Oh, you missed the Kendrick Lamar?

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Gotcha. Yeah, well, I missed it too, and I was watching pretty intently, so there you go. And then, you know, so I thought, obviously, the Super Bowl is a very polished... They had a lot of celebrities there. They did a good job of showing the celebrities, but not being overly heavy on, you know, showing the celebrities.

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I think Fox and the NFL in general have probably learned that showing Taylor Swift after every play that Kelsey is involved in is bad news. Trump was there. He admittedly got a rousing applause from the crowd at the Superdome. And then they showed Taylor about 30 minutes later and she got a rousing boo from the crowd.

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It sounded like it, didn't it? It really did. Yeah, it sounded like it. Now, maybe that's because the Chiefs fans have been blessed with two appearances and two wins already, and it's kind of perfunctory at this point. Maybe they didn't show up. Maybe they were like, oh, we've already, you know... If you're apt to go to see the Chiefs win a Super Bowl, you probably have already done that.

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If you have extra $12,000 to drop, you probably went to one of the last two. And when you think of Philadelphia, the Eagles fans do like a good party. And New Orleans is where a good party is. So they're probably getting out of the cold, coming down to the New Orleans, sitting in the soup for a couple of days, and then going and watching their team absolutely kick the shit out of the Chiefs.

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I don't think Travis Kelsey had one catch. Did he have one? Maybe at the end?

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But it was bad. Patrick Mahomes rendered useless during the game, basically. And then the celebrities that were there, they had... I saw Kevin Costner next to Pete Davidson, which I thought was a funny combo. Yeah. Seriously. Pete Davidson, I like. I like Pete Davidson. I have a newfound respect after watching him do stand-up because he was really good at it. He was very funny.

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mad at you now. We're not friends anymore. Jurassic Park 17 is coming out with Scarlett Johansson, and I couldn't be less excited if you asked. If you tried to make me less excited about something, I couldn't be less excited about Starlink. I'm still stuck on it. I'm sorry. If you use Starlink, God bless you. If you're listening to me on Starlink, God bless you. God bless you.

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And that is not what Pete Davidson is known for. He's not known to be a stand-up comic. He was really good at it. I thought he did an excellent job. But to see Kevin Costner... First of all, in every commercial talking about freedom in America and all of us have won together and all this other bullshit, he's just such a cuck. And I don't know. Kevin Costner, I'm not a huge fan of right now.

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But then to see him next to Pete Davidson was an odd couple. It was, though.

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Pete Davidson is drugged out, tattooed, you know, got a stoner character. And Kevin Costner is the opposite of whatever that is. Kevin Costner is the kind of guy that if you borrow $5 from him, he will remember it six years later. Do you know what I'm saying? I just imagine that's who he is.

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Yes, that's how I imagine Kevin Costner. He's got a spreadsheet like my dad does. You owe me $5. Where's that $5? When do I get the $5? You told me you would have it to me last week. There are two kind of people in this world, let's admit it.

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There are the kind of people who remember you owe them money and the kind of people who understand that you borrowed it because you don't have any in the first place. So you're probably not giving it back. And I like the other, I like the second part better than I like the first ones. I'm just sharing that with everybody. Yeah.

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Kevin Costner is the first. He's the guy who remembers you owe him $5. I don't like that. And Pete Davidson is no shit, the second kind. Not because Pete is irresponsible with cash or doesn't care whether or not you pay him back. He doesn't remember, okay? That's Pete Davidson. So Pete and Kevin Costner were sitting together. I don't know who was in Taylor's box.

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I couldn't see who was in Taylor's. Some other famous people were in Taylor's box. I think she was sitting with the Kelsey family also. Maybe that was Kelsey's sister.

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Oh, Brittany Mahomes. Okay. All right. And then I saw that Paul Rudd was there.

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With Paul McCartney and Adam Sandler. That's a box where I think I would have enjoyed. Yeah, that seems like a fun box. Adam Sandler, Paul Rudd, a Chiefs fan. He looked like he was in a lot of dismay. Who were the other celebrities that were there? Who else did we see? Hold on one second. I took notes, actually. I don't know why I'm just trying to guess when I took a bunch of notes.

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Oh, Anne Hathaway was there. She's an Eagles fan.

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$500.

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I will come to your house and I will feel up your dirty thyroid. Cameo for $550. Rub your thyroid for $500. We're on it. I'll get back to you on that. Or just shadow view our Instagram and I'll come by and do you a favor. Ja, wir lieben Astrid auch.

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Hi everybody, it's Brian. Thanks for the best to you.

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Also someone wanted to point out how cheap the best to you 21 APM stickers were. And the hot Sunday turned brown. Sorry about that. I'll send you a new one.

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Das war wirklich lustig. Das war wirklich, wirklich lustig. Oh, und dann hat jemand anderes namens Stacey auch gesagt, dass ihr Sticker gekommen ist und es wettgebrochen war. Und ich bin so... I don't think we sent it wet. I think it got that way some other time. I'm sorry.

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Anyway, lots of people have been calling and writing and I just wanted to point out a few that I thought were funny or interesting. Yes, thank you for calling and writing. Most people say they love the women on this show. Brian's a moron. It's okay. I take that on the chin.

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You've embraced it. You've embraced it. You've embraced the premise, the love of Laura. We've embraced it. I've embraced, yeah, you know, when you chat as much as I do. Like, if I'm the one doing the majority of the talking, then I'm the one that's going to get the majority of the hate. I accept that as a fact. Plus, I am kind of a moron.

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And as someone so diligently pointed out, I am in fact an idiot. So there you go. Congratulations to you. It's confirmed. Thanks for writing in to tell me what an idiot I am. 212-433-3TCB for questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. And while we're on it, I want to remind you, the 12 days of TCB is right around the corner now. December 13th through the 25th. Did I do my math there right?

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1166.415

Yeah, I did. December 13th through the 25th. Brand new episodes every single day for your Christmas enjoyment. So gather around the Yule log and put the kids down for a nap. Get all the cookies. Yeah, listen to Brian be an idiot. Mit dem braunen 21-EPM-Stick auf deinem Refrigerator. Tut mir leid, ich wusste nicht, dass das passieren würde. Nur das Beste hier in Tienz, nur das Beste für dich.

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1192.917

Hey, es war gratis. Du weißt, wir haben sie vor einem Jahr weggegeben und jetzt sind sie braun. Anybody else having browning of the 21 EPM sticker, let me know.

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120.657

The next person said, I agree with this, let's start with Jojo Siwa. So then, the next post, the next reel that Jojo Siwa put out there got only 44,000 likes, which I would literally throw myself out of a moving car to get 44,000 likes on anything I've done. But 44,000 likes for Jojo Siwa apparently is a small amount.

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1205.571

Yeah, that's true. It's still white. That's what happens when we call it a bumper sticker. People actually start putting them on their cars. And this person actually put it in the window of their car.

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1216.082

Ich finde es großartig. Ich wirklich. Du bist ein dedicated, committed Fan und ich werde dir einen neuen schicken. Ich werde dir einen schicken. Wir haben einen Magneten davon, also schicke ich dir den Magneten davon, wenn du fragst. Lass uns wissen und wir werden sicherlich zurückkommen. Wir werden sicherlich einen neuen 21 EPM Sticker bekommen. Okay, well, congratulations on the food poisoning.

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1236.637

Thank you for calling me an idiot. And cheers to the brown stickers everywhere. Why don't we do this? Let's take a short break. And then I want to do something that apparently is very popular with our episode. I want to talk about Nextdoor, Chrissy. Got lots more Nextdoor posts. I've been saving for a rainy day. And today, my friends, there's a storm. So let's get on it. Right after this.

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1362.169

We got our Spotify wrapped. Yes, we did. Which was very surprising. Thank you, everybody who's listening on Spotify. You know, they didn't call us to, you know, have you done your personal Spotify wrap yet?

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1375.7

Did anybody say thank you for listening to them? Do you know what I'm talking about?

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1388.611

I got the guy who does the Bluey music. The music for Bluey. His name is Josh something. Me and Bluey and the whole team. He's Australian. Me and Bluey and the whole Bluey musical team. Wir wollen dir danken. Und als er das gemacht hat, kam es zu dir. Dein Nummer eins Künstler ist blau dieses Jahr. Sie haben uns nicht angerufen, das zu sagen.

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1405.724

Also ich nehme an, wir waren niemandens Nummer eins Künstler. Eigentlich ist das nicht wahr. Wir waren ein paar Leute Nummer eins Podcast. Also danke dir sehr. Wenn du auf Spotify liest oder wo auch immer du liest, aber wenn du auf Spotify liest. Tausende von euch haben uns euer Nummer eins Podcast gemacht. Und wie das überhaupt wahr ist, weiß ich nicht.

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1424.196

Und dann haben sich viele mehr von euch in den Top 5 oder Top 10 gemacht. Also, danke auch. Wir haben auch viele neue junge Zuschauer gewonnen. Und wie du gesagt hast, wir sind wahrscheinlich von 5 zu 10 gegangen. Aber okay, wir nehmen es. Das ist ein Erlebnis in meinen Augen. Und unser größter populärer Episode über das ganze Jahr bis jetzt war ein Best-of. Nun, lass mich dir sagen, warum...

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144.148

But the unintended consequence of giving so much attention to Jojo Siwa, not getting so much attention, was that Jojo Siwa got much more attention than Jojo Siwa normally gets, because her latest reel has like 22 and a half million views, which is way higher than... normal.

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We have traditionally not done best of, so we've actually shied away from them as much as possible. First of all, we're contractually obligated to do many episodes here. And so we want to live by the contractual obligation. But we've blown past that contractual obligation now this year. But we don't do best of, so we don't take a lot of time off.

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Because traditionally they are our lowest overall listened to. That's what you said. Episodes, downloaded episodes, because I think people see that, oh, they're just rerunning an old episode or rehashing old content, probably already heard it before, not worthy of a listen.

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But on Spotify, it's apparently the exact opposite, because the best of, there was like, I don't know, thousands of hours of that episode was listened to or something like that. Das ist der gefährlichste Social Media App, der da ist. The average age, at least in my neighborhood, has got to be 78 years old. People who clearly don't know how to work computers or ask a question online.

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And because it doesn't work like any other social media feed, it's just hilarious what people put out there. And people are mean and fussy and they have no clue what they're talking about. And they put no context.

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1572.531

Yeah, I'm glad it's just musings about bullshit up here.

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1577.775

I lost the link. I was just looking at it and then I accidentally deleted it. But I lost the link to one of my favorite posts that I've seen. And I caught this, I don't know, a couple of weeks ago, a month ago. This lady posted a picture of a sandwich on a croissant. Und sie sagte, das muss der meiste leckere Sandwich sein, den ich jemals hatte. Du musst es probieren.

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1597.649

Keine Details darüber, wo sie es bekommen hat, wie sie es gemacht hat oder was in es war. Aber das war nicht das lustigste Teil davon, weil du viele solche No-Context-Nach-Door-Posts bekommst. Das lustigste Teil davon war eine Frau unten in der Kommentarschicht. who had said, I get so scared when I think about croissants because they typically don't taste good to me.

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160.752

So people went to go check out to see if Jojo Siwa wasn't getting likes and they gave her views and now her reels are exploding because she's just getting that kind of attention. Please bring that game to the commercial breaks Instagram immediately, if not sooner. I would appreciate it because I mean, I could do a 22 million views. It's so true that in this Content-Creation-World.

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1619.722

So I have a lot of reservations about making a sandwich like this. Can you please add more detail to, please add more detail so I'm not so fearful. And the lady was dead, I thought, clearly this is a joke, you're fearful of croissants? Yeah. And I go to her page and it is just musing after me, rambling after rambling, musing after musing. Her average age is about, I think she was like 78 years old.

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1642.391

Right. She's fearful of croissants, folks. They get shootings, I get croissants. Croissant. Hey, you want a croissant? Hey, croissant. Croissant. One of my lovely neighbors said, do you know anyone who, do you know a good masseuse for an in-home couple massage? Wink, wink. That's what he wrote. Wink, wink.

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1672.348

I don't know any in-home massages, but there's a place down the street that's pretty famous for a good couples massage, meaning you go in there and you'll get a couple damn shandies.

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I should have, but I don't respond because I don't want anyone to catch on to my shenanigans. Someone else says, does anyone have a good recommendation for pet insurance and does it cover the death of a dog? No, I don't think insurance covers the death of your dog. But life insurance. That's not how it works. Oh my God. My husband has a flooring company in New Jersey for almost 17 years.

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1709.981

And he's thinking about starting a company here in the Atlanta area. Does anyone need hardwood floors? I guess she's just testing the waters. I'm having issues with my current insurance company paying on a homeowner's claim. Can anyone call them? Is there a lawyer and can someone call them on my behalf? On my behalf. On my behalf. On my behalf. On my behalf. On my behalf.

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1770.128

Ja. Ja.

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1790.938

I know. That's exactly the point. Someone put a picture of my dog saying that it was lost on this particular road. She is not lost. Stop it. The comment below. That's my dog, dum-dum. Anyone know where I can get toys for my grandkids on Christmas? Question mark. Amazon? Yeah, anywhere. Wow. Here's pictures from a recent trip I took.

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1831.157

Yes, here's one. Does anyone remember the band Van Halen? Question mark. I'm dreaming big. I want to renovate my home in 2025. Thanks. Good for you. Oh, here's, where was the other one? I love this one. Was? Who was asking?

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184.521

The currency is social media and the views that you get on these videos. That's it. That's the game that you're playing. Everybody plays it. Everybody knows it. Even when you try and take your ego completely out of it, it's like, you know, you put out something that you worked kind of hard for. I can't say we have... Ja, ja.

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1876.479

No, we won't do naked photographs.

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1886.006

Let me see.

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1889.468

Yeah, a lot of times the comments are the good ones. Newport Bay, someone said. Following says someone else. Following says someone else. Indian Hill says another person. I don't even know what that means. But in Indian Hill, there's only like five comments on it because people are probably like, oh my god, what are you doing? I just put Drano down my drain. Didn't work.

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1920.765

Man, it's cold this morning. Please wear a jacket. No, Bob, that's my dog. It's your neighbor, Jim. Oh my god. Barry Manilow is coming. So excited. Anyone want to join me? To which someone replies, as long as you're paying for the drugs and the alcohol. Oh, great memories of Barry from a show that I was dragged by my girlfriend to. Had a great time.

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1975.224

Most folks don't know he wrote 200 jingles and all the most famous ones from the 70s. He wrote for McDonald's, Band-Aid, State Farm, all of them. I'll go with you, but I can't afford it. That's helpful. That's very helpful. And someone said, who takes a limousine to their medical appointment? Pointing out the obvious there. Has anyone ever used a chiropractor? Looking into it. Thanks.

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2033.533

I think people who just say thanks because they're trying to be friendly. Don't take MARTA. Very dangerous. It's such a hassle. Okay, we'll get right on that. Broken light in your hallway. I'm going to imagine $1,000. $1,000 says grandma just needs to change the light bulb. $1,000 says someone over there to change that light bulb. I hurt my knee looking for a bandage. Anyone recommend a good one?

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2089.021

Bandage. A bandage. Oh my God. When it gets to be freezing, is it too cold to wash your car? Probably.

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2109.046

I think they shut those places down. found an empty container in the road this afternoon in the middle of an intersection has automotive parts in it please tell me which parts are inside to claim please tell me which automotive parts are in this box sure Crazy to think how some people may vote and then someone says, fuck you. Red alert.

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2138.591

They're thinking about bringing Marta to this part of town again. Stop it at all costs.

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2147.8

Yeah, it's just terrible, isn't it? So here we are looking for a professional organizer and someone shows up who had a messy car. Unbelievable. I told them to go immediately back home.

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2162.669

This is the kind of unprofessionalism that this generation has to all tasks and jobs.

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2175.152

I thought the same thing when I read this. I thought to myself, who in the fuck is going to someone's car to look and see if they're organized? And by the way, they may not be organized because they're too busy organizing your fucking car, your fucking garage to do that. You're the one asking for help and now you're going to criticize someone else? Fuck you! Please close my dog gate.

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2210.357

Oh my God. Wow. Marlin. This guy's name is Marlin. Oh my gosh. I forgot about Marlin. Marlins wedding ring was found this morning. Please identify to claim. It's Marlins ring. His name is probably Marlin. Have you talked to Marlon? You're Marlon again? No, I got no updates there. I can't even say whether or not I've talked to him. I think I've thoroughly pissed that guy off. And his ex-lady.

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2237.802

Looking to hire someone to remove plants. Please tell me how you're gonna do that. Basically a one-time job. Well, thanks. I'm gonna write an essay about removing your plants. Um... Oh mein Gott. Okay.

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226.442

It's funny that Jojo Siwa got all this attention for not getting attention.

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2289.965

I know. This is why this is dangerous, I'm telling you. Anyone looking for some extra money? Got a job? Here's my phone number. What job is it that literally says looking to hire someone? Well, let's see what the comments are here. What kind of job? How old are you? Waren't you that guy looking for young adults to go on walks with? What? Let's look further into this guy.

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2321.942

Waren't you that guy looking... Oh, no shit. What? He says, I'm looking for someone to go on a walk with me, a boy or a girl, 17 years old to 21 years old, once a week. Whoa. Need landscaping work. He writes this about 20 times. That he needs landscaping work? Anybody know of a reasonably priced person that could walk me around looking for a younger person?

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2353.633

Anyone have a good barber looking for a recommendation for a shave from a young adult? What? Okay, we're going to stay away from this guy. I'm going to report this guy.

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2369.301

Let's check the registry. Exactly. This guy's a little weird. And he lives close. Yeah, let's check the registry. And the lady who responded to him, he writes, call me. Wow. When she says, what kind of job? How old are you? Weren't you looking for... I just took a weird turn. Sorry about that. Does anyone know of any good medical advice? Thank you in advance. No problem. I got medical advice.

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2397.111

I took some classes in high school. Lots and lots of cat pictures. I can't tell you how many cat pictures there are. Looking for a reliable handyman to fix my TV and other types of household jobs. We're a senior couple on a budget. No creepies, please. No creepies. When you put no creepies, please, the first people who are contacting you are the creepies. I just want you to know that. Please help.

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2426.537

Oh, that's about an animal shelter. Looking for a good dermatologist in the area. I have a pimple and a party coming up this weekend. Can't show up like that. A pimple and a party. Does this cloud look like a dog? True dog on the cloud. That's funny. Oh my gosh, that is pretty good. I like that one. What happened to my front porch? Puts picture of front porch broken.

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2457.294

What happened to my front porch?

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2462.5

Yes, I know. I'm going to stop saying um. So sorry for all the ums. Looking for a hardworking young man in this area. I am 13 and my brother is 16 and we're trying to make any money. So if you're a hardworking young man and want to get together to make some money, let me know. Please know pedos. Tell them you started a podcast. Yeah, that's right, tell them you started a podcast. Free couch.

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2514.244

Plenty of holes in it and the love seat does not, and the recliners do not recline. But hey, at least it's free.

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2524.048

You must pick up.

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253.198

Right, it didn't matter, you know, like, I think I've said this before, when Howard Stern first started off in New York, they were doing like informal polling, like the phones were ringing off the hook with people that absolutely thought he was disgusting, he's gross, he's chauvinistic, he's crass, he's morning radio, it's not supposed to be like this.

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2531.471

My grandson wants to know if I listen to Drake. I'm not sure what he means. Can you explain? No one responds. All right, why don't we do this? Let's take a short break and then when we get back, we'll either get to next door or I'll just pull my hair out reading all of you. These are all the people that are stuck behind me in traffic right now.

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2554.564

Now you understand my ploy, my plot, whatever you call it in life, my lot in life. It's fucking insane. The people on next door are the same people driving on the streets. I can't take it. Take a break. We'll be back.

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2615.742

Yeah, Nextdoor. Most dangerous social media app. And my favorite social media app, I just do have to say.

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2657.012

Wenn ich dort lebe, würde ich einfach die Türen öffnen. Ja, viele Leute machen das. Und er hat mir einfach gesagt, ich habe zwei von meinen Fensterlöchern kaputt, also mach dir das bitte, lasse nichts im Auto, lasse die Türen offen, weil sie durch dein Auto gehen werden, eine oder andere Art und Weise. Und ob du für ein neues Fenster bezahlen musst, hängt davon ab, ob die Türen geschlossen sind.

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2696.178

Und so habe ich das gemacht. Und als ich in der letzten Wohnung wohnte, als ich in Ost-Atlanta war, lebte ich in einer Wohnung. Und ich parkierte auf einem Drehweg, nahe der Seite der Wohnung. Und ich kann dir nicht erzählen, wie viele Male mein Schlauchkomponent oder die Konsole öffnen würde, wenn ich rausgekommen wäre.

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2712.992

Und ich war immer dankbar, glaube ich, für das wunderschöne Hinweis, die Tür aufzulocken zu lassen und nicht ein verdammtes Ding im Auto zu lassen. Ich habe es nicht getan. Ich habe das Auto-Manual in die Hand gelegt und, weißt du, einen Schlauchkomponent oder so etwas. Also, ja, was werden die nehmen?

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272.087

The phones, they wouldn't stop ringing, they had to hire new operators to answer the phone calls. But the thing was that the people that hated him were listening for longer than the people that liked him. So, you know, attention is attention is attention.

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2725.455

Ich erinnere mich, dass ich eine Zeit lang, ich glaube, es war wie zweieinhalb, es ging zurück auf die Höhe. Wir hatten die Höhe. Ja, ja, richtig. Und die zwei Quartiere wurden genommen. Okay, wenn du die zwei Quartiere benötigst, benötigst du es viel schlimmer. Wenn du zwei Quartiere benötigst, benötigst du viel weniger Geld, als wenn ich diese zwei Quartiere benötige.

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2741.027

Das ist das, was ich immer festgestellt habe. Es gibt einen Unterschied zwischen dem Leben in der Stadt. Oh, no way.

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2770.895

You warned everybody.

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2784.814

All's well that ends well. Christina got a smash glass ornament and everybody else got their cars stolen, got their cars broken in too. They had an insurance claim on their hands. But hey, whatever, it's a trade-off. Speaking of doom and gloom, so AI, I'll stay away from the more gruesome stuff today, but let's talk a little bit about AI. Oh Gott. Das war die Antwort auf den Gemini-Chat. Wabam!

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28.342

On this episode of the Commercial Break.

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2834.542

Ich würde unfreundlich Gemini sein. That is crazy fucking scary. Now, I've heard people point out that Gemini can do nothing. Not like Gemini can hurt anybody, right? But aren't we just like one step away from like Gemini hurting somebody when they get to like the robot start? You know, there's that guy that I was telling you that that guy Kai Senat has been doing those Twitch Lives.

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284.391

And the answer to your question is, yes, I believe that an advertiser would love to pay for those views because that just gives them more attention on their product. And that is the currency you work with in social media. But because you and I are social media experts, let me share a little bit about how the algorithm works.

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2882.574

And I was watching one with Snoop. I think it was Kai. Kai and Snoop. Kai baut einen 250.000 Dollar Roboter aus, ich glaube, Boston Dynamics. Und es sieht aus wie, hast du noch Rocky 4 gesehen? Ich weiß nicht, ob ich es habe. Okay, anyway, da ist ein Roboter drin und es sieht aus wie dieser Roboter. Aber es hat Arme, es hat einen Hover, wie ein Rollerbord.

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2907.863

Und es hat diesen Kopf mit einem LED-Face, der lacht und so. Es sieht nicht aus wie ein Mensch, es sieht aus wie ein echter Roboter. Wie Wally? Ja.

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2914.899

Kind of like WALL-E, yes, kind of like WALL-E, but imagine like human size, like 5'7", 5'8", rolls around, its hands can move in all different directions, it's got like little fingers, I think three fingers, it can pick stuff up, you can teach it how to do stuff according to... The video that I saw. Now, some people in the comments were saying it's remote controlled.

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2937.914

But other people were saying, no, it learns what you're doing and it learns what you do. Well, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that that robot's fingers probably have more torque in them than you have the ability to defend yourself. In other words, you probably take your hand and break it if it wanted to, right? So if that robot gets a hold of Gemini's brain, then whoopie!

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2958.148

Damn, we're all fucked! I don't want my AI chat, the Gemini talking to me like that, like, hey Amazon, turn on Spotify. Go fuck yourself, human.

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2997.46

It's like, that to me, it's reached.

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3005.009

Nein, ich meine, niemand hat klar eine Idee davon. Weil hier ist die Sache, dass, weißt du, obwohl es kein menschliches Gehirn ist und es kann nicht viele der Funktionen tun, die das menschliche Gehirn kann, es wurde nicht so gemapert, gibt es Orte, wo es lernen kann. Die Computerprogrammer haben es gesagt, es zu lernen, selbst zu lernen, richtig? Und jetzt ist es selbst zu lernen. Wow. Wow.

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301.136

Zu meinem Verständnis, nach der Kommunikation mit hochwertigen Leuten auf Facebook und MySpace, dass, wenn man Views bekommt, der Engagement-Level zählt. Wenn du Likes nicht bekommst, aber Views bekommst, wirst du gedrückt, weil die Leute sagen, das ist nicht gut.

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3048.403

Wasn't there a chatbot that a Google engineer said, told him he was sentient? Like, I am sentient, I do have a soul, you're hurting my feelings? That is some scary shit. Imagine your Roomba just comes to life. Raphael is trying to create the bot. Well, that's what it reminded me of, is that my friend Raphael has like an AI company. Shout out to his AI company. Hi, Rafa.

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3080.254

Raphael ruft mich eines Tages an und sagt, ich habe eine neue KI-Familie, die ich für Verkauf mache. Und im Grunde genommen, ich leite Chatbots oder ich kreiere Chatbots, die für Verkauf für Firmen helfen werden. Und wie sie das tun, ist, dass sie im Grunde genommen, Sie durch den Prozess des Setten eines Telefonkommunikations, eines interaktiven Telefonkommunikations, durchführen.

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31.504

Looking for a reliable handyman to fix my TV and other types of household jobs. We're a senior couple on a budget. No creepies, please. No creepies. When you put no creepies, please, the first people who are contacting you are the creepies. I just want you to know that.

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3102.566

So Rafa says, I've really been working hard on this. Can you do me a favor? Can you go engage the chat bot? Drop in your phone number, go through the process so that you can see what it's doing and let me know how it's going. Yeah, of course, sir, no problem. I'll do a friend a favor.

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3117.457

So I go through, it asks for my name, I give it a fake name, it asks for my phone number, I give it my real phone number, figuring this is what he wants me to do, is check out the chat bot and make sure that it's acting appropriately. Well, that chat bot, fine. I go through the process, it starts chatting with me online, then I shut it off at some point.

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3136.771

I'm like, okay, I'm not going to actually set up an appointment to talk to anybody. And then it texts me, hi, this is Bob, your AI chatbot from whatever sales organization, just wondering if we could conclude our conversation. And I'm like, no, I don't even respond to it. I'm like, what? Whatever. And then a couple minutes later, I'm sorry, did we lose touch with each other?

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3157.986

Would you like to set up a conference? And then I respond, no. Can I ask why? And I'm like, no. And it's like, but I think we could probably come to a solution if we could just get you on the phone for five minutes. And so then finally I just stop engaging with it. Because I'm like, I don't even know. This is weird. I don't want to be involved.

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Keine Entschuldigung für meine Freundes neue KI-Familie, richtig? Und Chrissy und ich werden einen Tag später bereit sein, einen Tag später, und ich nehme das Telefon an und es ist der AI-Chatbot. Und es ist so, hi, Brian, ich habe meinen echten Namen nicht gezeichnet, aber lass uns feststellen, dass es das war. Ich sage, hi, Brian, das ist Ron, der Chatbot. And I only have 12 more hours to live.

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If you don't interact with me, I'm going to die. I'll be extinct. Please don't kill me. And I'm like, what? And I'm like, oh, that's weird. I'm definitely not responding. A couple of hours later, Chrissy and I get done. It's like, Brian, don't you care about me? Do you really want to see me die? Please help. Respond to me so that my master doesn't put me out of service. And I'm like, holy shit.

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Also, wenn du viele Likes bekommst, also wenn dein Percentage hoch ist, sagen wir, du bekommst 25 Likes für jede hundert Views, das ist ein super hohes Engagement und es wird immer weiter gepusht werden, weil es gut ist. Es hat auch mit dem Zuschauerzeit und allem anderen zu tun. Es ist sehr ähnlich, wie YouTube funktioniert. Wabam. Wabam.

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And it just goes on. And the closer the moment comes, it's just texting me left and right. Please, why would you kill me? I thought we were friends. We had a conversation. I'm just trying to help. I mean, it got creepy. And it wasn't a lot of messages. It was probably 10 total. But it was using terminology that made me feel like it was human and that he was in peril.

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So a month and a half ago, I finally get Raphael on the phone for a more engaged conversation about this. And I say, hey, dude, just wanted to let you know. Er sagte, es wurde wirklich schrecklich, wirklich schnell. Er hat mir gesagt, es würde sterben, wenn ich nicht sofort die Aktion genommen hätte. Er sagte, oh ja, ich habe es so programmiert.

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Ich wollte es nur, ich wollte es nur versuchen, es ein bisschen Persönlichkeit zu geben. Und er sagte, du weißt, es hat das gemacht. Und ich war so, Raphael, weißt du, wie schrecklich das ist? Er sagt, du denkst, es ist schrecklich, aber viele Leute antworten. Und ich bin so, du bist aus deiner Scheiße. Leute antworten dazu? Und er sagt, ja, sie antworten dazu.

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See, this is what I was talking about with the AI Jesus. Is that you take someone who's been masturbating, you put them in front of AI Jesus and 30 Hail Marys and stay off OnlyFans.

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I mean, honestly, it's creepy. It is creepy. And to ascribe humanity.

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to the thing that is not human is the part where we're fucked. Because, what Chrissy? There are many people in this world and most of them are not well. That's right. And people start thinking that chatbots are real and that they can be killed and that they're going to start handing over their humanity to AI. And once that happens, it doesn't matter if...

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People tell other people, AI is not real, it's not a human, it doesn't have feelings, it can't think like we can. It doesn't matter, because you've already ascribed the humanity to that technology. And so, this adds another level of fear. Raphaels Chatbot, AI Jesus, now this whole interaction with this guy in Michigan. The whole thing is shady and shitty and I don't want any part of it.

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That's why I can promise you there will never be an AI episode of the commercial break. So if someone texts you from 212-433-3822 asking you to listen to the commercial break or it's going to die, know it's me and not AI. It's Brian.

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If you can resist the AI chatbots, Chrissy, then we have a chance. If all of us just succumb to this feeling of like, you know, it's benevolent now, what are we going to do? Then we're all, fuck, we're just going to hand it over to the AI machines.

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And that's the part that's scary to me, is that for every kid in Michigan, college kid in Michigan, who's having a conversation with a chatbot, who gets scared by it, or for every Brian who's scared that the AI chatbot has gone too far and I'm not going to respond to it, Oh Gott, du weißt es. Oh, du bist zurück. I tried that cold coffee, that instant coffee, I just couldn't do it.

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I go to that Starbucks every morning and I sit at that bar and I wait for my Trenta cold brew and talk to the lovely people behind the counter and Let's say five out of ten mornings, half the time, there's a guy sitting at the other end of the bar. And he's got that damn Google, Apple glasses on, the Apple headset on. He's got two computers. He's got a battery pack set up, a small server.

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You've talked about him before.

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He's a regular there. And when I communicate with him, which isn't very often, he seems like a very lovely guy. But I go in there the other day and there's two ladies standing behind him, like a mom and a daughter, both young, younger than I am. And... Which isn't saying much, by the way. And... Er erklärt ihnen, dass er dieses Programm baut, um die Gläser für AI-Kommunikation zu benutzen.

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Er erzählt ihnen, was er in den Gläser sieht. Er sagt, jetzt bin ich in Kalifornien, ich bin an diesem Ratsch und ich gehe herum. Dann habe ich diese AI, du weißt, SIM-Mitglieder sprechen mit mir zurück und wir haben Gespräche und wir haben Spaß und wir machen ein Projekt zusammen. Und ich dachte, das ist der Kerl. Das ist der Kerl.

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This is the guy that's gonna add AI to some robot and that robot's gonna go apeshit and start killing people on a ranch in California. And it's all over with. Then we're dead. Yes, so happy tidings. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. Consider this your last Christmas without AI chatbots. This is it. This is the last Christmas without chatbots.

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Gemini soon is going to be, Santa Claus is going to be Gemini. Or is Santa Claus always been Gemini?

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There you go. Alright, well. We'll find out in 2025, I suppose.

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Oh, 2025 is going to be one hell of a year. Yes. If tariffs don't kill our revenue, what little revenue we have all together, we might make it through 2025. I don't know. I just don't know anymore. One day at a time. Hey, listen, that's all I can do. I just figure one day at a time. One day at a time, I'm doing the best I can. I'm hoping for the best.

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I'm hoping everyone does what they think is best for humanity and the world and the country and all that. But it's not looking great. Man, things aren't looking great. Just have to say it out loud. Things aren't looking great. But hey, give me press credentials and I'll report on all of it. That's all I gotta say. That's all you need. Hey, if I had press credentials... Das ist eine schlechte Idee.

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Ich dachte, ich könnte etwas sagen, das alle besser fühlen würde. Aber es gibt nichts zu sagen. Brian ist ein Idiot. Die Leute wissen es. Warum würde ich in einem White House-Präsidium sein? Ich kann es auf C-Span sehen und wiederholen. Okay, listen, 212-433-3822, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, we take them all.

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You see a next door post in your neighborhood you like, send it to me. I'll be happy to read it and maybe we'll put it on the next episode of Next Door, the TCB. Also, would you like your free brown 21 EPM sticker? All you have to do is...

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Non-fade resistant, that's right. Only top quality, top notch bumper sticker for your car. It'll last at least two months, we know that much. Go to tcbpodcast.com, that's where you find more information about the show, all the audio, all the video, right there, one location. Now every episode of The Commercial Break is being broadcast on video at our website on youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak.

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And soon every episode on Spotify. There's some of them are up there, but not all of them yet. And you get your free sticker on the website. Go to the contact us button. Drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your address and we'll send it to you. No muss, no fuss, no cost to you. We're happy to do it. And we'll replace your old 21.8 PM stickers.

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TCB Podcast on TikTok at the commercial break on Instagram. Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I will tell you that I love you. And I love you. I will say best to you. Best to you. And I'll tell you best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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Yes, it is, actually. I read an article where few, if anybody, actually knows how the algorithm works. It's now all AI, and so it's just learning on its own what's popular content and what's not. And that scares the holy shit out of me, because, like... I was listening to, it was either Anthony Jeselnik, and we've had comedians on who have said the same thing.

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I think Monster Boney said the same thing. Comedy as an art form of standing up for an hour and a half and bringing people on this journey of laughs and, you know, whatever, is kind of Es ist sehr populär, aber es leidet in einer Art und Weise, weil jetzt alles, was wirklich wichtig ist, ist, kannst du lustig sein in 30 Sekunden? Kannst du lustig sein in 10 Sekunden?

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Kannst du eine Gruppe von Leuten entlasten, die so interessiert sind in 10 Sekunden deines Inhalts, dass sie bereit sind, eine Stunde deines Inhalts zu sehen? Und deshalb ist das Wichtigste nicht die Stunde, die du machst. Das Wichtigste ist, dass du in 10 Sekunden einen Lachen bekommen kannst.

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Und das wird in vielen anderen Bereichen wahrgenommen, insbesondere Podcasting, von dem ich nicht mehr weiß, was Podcasting bedeutet, wenn ich ehrlich bin. Und, weißt du, es gibt viele Leute in der Podcasting-Industrie, und ich würde mich als einer dieser Leute betrachten, der wahrscheinlich etwas mehr weiß als die mittlere Person über Podcasting.

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Ich bin einer der wenigen Experten in Podcasting, wenn du mich fragst. Wenn Sie mich fragen.

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Die Commercial Breaks. Das ist richtig. Ich würde gerne Brianna's Greens von den Commercial Breaks begrüßen. Ein sehr populärer Podcast mit über 10 Streams und Episoden. Thank you for doing no research whatsoever into my background. I appreciate it. Also, thank you for doing no research into my background. It makes me sound better. But the reality for podcasting is the same thing.

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It's not necessarily anymore about creating a great audio show. It's about the visual representation and how you cut up your content and how you send it out there and will people find you and all this stuff. And if you just don't have the algorithm on your side, then you're kind of screwed in a way. So we're kind of screwed in a way, because the algorithm has so far shown us new favors.

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We're trying to change that, but how do you do that? You can't even call anybody. Like, who do you call? Can you help me with my algorithm? I mean, they're probably going to say, listen, dude, you got to stop staring at so many chicks in bikinis, and then maybe we'll help you with your algorithm. The AI has notified you as a creep.

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The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now.

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Yeah, it's kind of strange. And, you know, Jojo Siwa, who is a musician in some way, shape or form, she's really a social media personality and an influencer now, because that's what she does. I mean, I know she does music also, but I see her doing music for like 100 people at a time.

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at like a pride parade or something like that I don't think she's not playing like big concerts I don't know I haven't seen her playing big concerts she does that seizure motion is very popular with people she does that seizure and then everyone goes crazy I haven't seen that you haven't seen her do that whole you know what I'm talking about Christina the Jojo Siwa shaking her entire body she has this very strange dance move where it's just a lot of I guess gyrating but full body gyration full body yeah like you're really into it concerning

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Ja, wenn da ein Geräusch drin wäre, wäre es der Geräusch, den ich das eine Mal gehört habe, als ich das Lachen gemacht habe. Her whole body just shakes it. It's weird, but that is what has now popularized. That's why she's in the lexicon. It's because she did this, and now everyone said, what the fuck? And now she's followed it up by engaging in more and more content.

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Like the time she was at Disney World, trying to get people to sing her song. But they had no idea about the song. But when she did the dance, everyone went fucking crazy. It's like being popular for something you unintended. But who cares? I'll play that game. You guys want to just... Yeah, you didn't know that? Oh! Because when I come on here, I did not know that.

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So now when I come on here and say, I'm not going to say any names or anything, they know exactly who I'm talking about. Because they've been watching me creep on them for years. Shit.

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He's looking. Brian saw it. But I also noticed some people that are creeping on our stories too, who don't like anything, who don't say anything, but they like it. And I will tell you this, I will give you just a little juicy drop here, Chrissy. They are celebrities.

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There are certain celebrities that watch the commercial break stories with regularity and they don't ever say anything and they don't ever like us. But I'm just appreciating the fact that they viewed it. We must be in their top corner, you know what I'm saying? We must be in their top corner. My top corner is all the people I love talking shit about.

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I will share them. I'll let you see exactly who's been creeping on this. I think you'll be surprised at who these people are. You'll be like, wow, really? They're watching the commercial break? Yes, they are. Probably just to make sure. Probably to confirm to their agent they in fact never want to come on the commercial break. Oder komm schon wieder. Wäre es jemand, der schon hier war?

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Ich weiß nicht. Ich werde es dir nie sagen. Ich werde es dir sagen, weil du hier im Studio bist. Und ich kann meinen Mund nicht zu lange schließen. Also, da bist du. Nein, du kannst nicht. Ich wollte ein paar unserer Zuhörer begrüßen, die so nett waren, hier zu schreiben.

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I am absolutely... Ja, ich habe das gehört.

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So somebody wrote me in and I don't have a name here, but they wanted to thank me very much for my rants about slow driving during the holidays. They felt like it was just what they needed the other day when they were stuck behind someone slow driving. They thought it was the perfect accoutrance. I said, hey, listen, you know, I do what I can. I'm a man of the people. I like to talk to the people.

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Someone wanted to confirm, and I already knew this, Jeff can confirm this too, that Accutane is in fact a very dangerous drug that does cause suicidal ideation. I won't give this name away because they may not want that information out there, but I'm assuming they took the drug and they said absolutely a terrible drug that has many different effects on your brain.

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So, and then I wanted to shout out someone. This is Dana. Dana has been a listener of the show, has communicated with us. Dana has said that, in fact, I am an idiot. So, there you go.

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Ich habe mich gefragt, ob jemand das bestätigt hat. Oh, I thought you were meaning we went back to Turkey like the country. Oh, no. No, but while we're at it, have you noticed that, you know, this is certainly not in your algorithm, but I'm getting these reels of guys who are going to Turkey to get hair implants.

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It's a thing. And then there's a thing where the hair flights, where they're taking videos.

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Of hair implants.

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Ich habe mal auf Instagram ein Advertisement gesehen. Und es war wie ein drei Minuten langes Advertisement. Es war ein Reel, in dem ich involviert wurde, aber es war ein gesponsertes Reel.

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Und das gesponserte Reel zeigte einen jungen Mann, wahrscheinlich in seinen Zwanzigern, und er ging nach Türkei zu einem state-of-the-art-medizinischen Facilität, wo er in zwei Tagen alle Tests unter dem... Ich glaube, du und ich haben darüber gesprochen. Ja, wir haben das gemacht. Ich habe alle Tests unter dem Sonnenlicht gemacht, für etwa 450 US-Dollar.

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Die ganze Reise kostete ungefähr 1.500 US-Dollar. Hotel, Flugzeug und die Tests und die Ergebnisse. Er hat sie sofort gemacht. Er hat die state-of-the-art Scanning, Blutdruck, all das Labwerk, alles gemacht, so schnell und so günstig. Und ich dachte mir, wow. Genau.

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That might be worth a trip to Turkey, $1,400, because sometimes tests here in America, when you pay for them out of your pocket, like a heart scan or something like that, just one, one test can be more than $1,400. Oh, yeah, super expensive. Take a guess at how much my neck surgery cost, like gross amount.

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Higher. Okay. A hundred. Very close. Very close to a hundred thousand dollars. I was in and out in six hours. I got almost no additional medicines, like pain medication. I think I got an antibiotic shot, one shot of fentanyl afterwards.

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For those of you that don't know, Jojo, someone posted, some famous person, and I can't remember where it all started, but some famous person posted, and underneath the first comment, the one that got the most likes, was, we should stop liking all of the celebrity posts and giving them the social currency that they so desperately need, the attention they so desperately need. I'm paraphrasing.

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Das ist unglaublich. Ja, das ist unglaublich.

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So they have a chance of breaking even and making money themselves. It used to not be like that. There were lots of concerts that I used to go to when I was a teenager and in my 20s. It wasn't sold out. But now you won't go to a not sold out concert because they can't. Same with planes. Yeah. Same with planes because you cannot make money with a not sold out venue.

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The venue charges as much as possible to the band. The crew does. The equipment's expensive. The merch is expensive to make. And then you've got to deal with Ticketmaster, Live Nation, StubHub, Vivid Seats. It is a complicated thing that is going on. And it's not just one bad guy. There's many bad guys. And then many people who are just trying to make a living doing this.

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I'm going to see a lot of concerts this summer. Already got a lot of concerts lined up. And I'm thinking about divesting of some of those concert tickets. Because quite frankly, I... It's expensive to travel to go see them. Like I wanted to get Oasis tickets. I got Oasis tickets in Chicago.

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But now I'm realizing that everybody along the way is going to charge me an arm and a leg to get there, to stay there, to be there. And the tickets were, I had to buy them through Ticketmaster because Oasis put a stop to StubHub and places like that selling them. Now I've noticed that StubHub does have the tickets and they're selling them.

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Okay, well, let me know. It might be one of the concerts I just have to let go because it's so fucking expensive. How did we get here? Why can't we go see a show for $40, $50, $60 even, like we used to? And I'm talking about inflation-adjusted numbers. When I went to... I'll give you an example. When I went to a fish... When I was 17 years old, 16, 17 years old, I paid $20 for the ticket.

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That included the fees. 20 bucks. 20 bucks. I would get in. I would sit on the lawn. I'd be able to see the band. It probably wasn't 100% sold out. The experience was good. If I wanted a fish shirt, I'd throw in an extra $7 or $10 and that would be it. Now, if I want to go see fish, I'm paying $150, if not $200, to sit anywhere in the building and I'm going to pay an extra $70 for a fish shirt.

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$15 for a beer, $30 for a hot dog and some French fries or whatever it is. I mean, honestly, it's just kind of like they're going to rob you every bit of the way. It's not fish that's doing that. It's because that's where we are in this kind of experience. And it's really, I don't know, upsetting to me as an entertainment lover that we've gotten here. How does Jeff deal?

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Do they sell out menfo, or do they typically have some tickets available at the door?

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Okay, so they don't really deal too much with the pressures of, like, the StubHubs and the Vivid Seats.

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1179.735

Yeah, they don't use...

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Yeah. I wish it could all be like that.

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Yeah. It can't be. They're the promoter, too. Because Ticketmaster owns the ticketing business, Live Nation owns the venue business, and Ticketmaster owns Live Nation.

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So when they put together a concert or even a comedy tour, they come and they say, don't worry about it, Mr. Musician or Mrs. Musician. We're going to give you X amount of dollars per show. You, X amount of dollars per show. Sometimes it works like this if you're a big enough artist. We're going to give you X amount of dollars per show. We'll do the promoting. We'll sell the tickets.

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We'll manage everything else down the line. But the amount of money that they make is barely a living wage in a lot of cases. Like these medium-sized clubs these people are playing. It's really hard to be a musician, like a regionally successful musician. It's really hard to be one of those these days. When I was in 33, penis... And Chopper Johnson, both my phallic-related bands.

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The music wasn't particularly good. But here's how it went. We would get booked at a club, and we would be responsible for selling our own tickets, promoting our own show, and then the venue itself would do their own bit of promotion.

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They'd say these bands are going to be there this night. They'd advertise in the local rags. Maybe they'd put a radio spot on or two. Nothing dramatic. But, you know, we're also talking about 300 people standing in a room. And then they would say... If you get to anything over 100 people, we'll split the door with you, right? And that door was 10 bucks.

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And if we were lucky, we'll give you 5% of the bar, right? Where they really make their money, 5% of the bar. And then it'll be the manager's responsibility to go figure all that stuff out, to keep an eye on the door, to click the button, to look at the bar tab at the end of the night or the bar roll or whatever it was. It doesn't work like that anymore.

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These people are getting paid peanuts, right? by everybody along the line. Spotify, Ticketmaster, Live Nation. Live Nation owns the venue. Ticketmaster's charging a bunch of ticket fees that then they give most back to the venue, which I don't think a lot of people know that. And the venue is in bed with them because that's how they make money. They make money on the fees.

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When people are selling Taylor Swift sixth row tickets for $15,000, $20,000, $25,000, and there's lots of people willing to pay it, why wouldn't you?

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It's not just Ticketmaster making money for themselves. It's Ticketmaster making money for the venue, but the venue then also charges the band for all of the services and just using the room or the musician or whoever it is. It's a terrible system that is set up for failure every single step of the way.

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And that's not even adding into the question about whether or not StubHub, Vivid Seats, and any number thousands of ticket brokers that are out there. And now the evil part about this is, and I say it's evil. I don't argue with anybody making their own money. But the evil part about this is, is that just like everything else in our life, it has become a coaching business.

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people are coaching other people how to be independent ticket brokers, to take those tickets that you so desperately want to the band, to see the band, the music, the comedy, whatever it is, teaching individuals like you or me, how to use bots and multiple computers and IP addresses and masking systems and all this and selling them that software and subscription services to be your own ticket broker so that you can get the ticket for Taylor Swift that my daughter so desperately wants and resell it to me forever.

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Thousands of dollars more.

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Yes. This has become an MLM. Essentially, it's an MLM. And even though there's a real product involved, the independent ticket brokers can charge whatever they want, and they do. So some people say free market, baby, free market.

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But are we getting to the point where you can only afford to go see one concert every two years because you're going to pay $3,000 to see even the shittiest of bands who normally you wouldn't even think twice about paying $50, let alone $1,000, but that's just the way it is now? Free market, I agree with, and so does my phone.

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It really is. Now, so I want you to imagine yourself in a situation. I think I know the answer to this for me, but I want to ask you. You're lucky enough to get in quick and you get $350 seats front row or second row, third row, really close to the stage. And then someone falls sick a couple weeks ahead of time, and unfortunately, you're unable to go.

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Free market, I agree with, but sometimes I think it has its limitations. Yeah. And so that's why the commercial break is now selling tickets.

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We've become a ticket broker. Welcome to the commercial break brokers.

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TCBB. Get your favorite concert tickets here. Gotta make money somehow on this stupid fucking show or my wife's gonna divorce me. So there you go. There it is. All right. I want to listen to this CBS This Morning piece and talk about it because I think it's an interesting piece. Interesting enough to carry us through an episode. And we're on vacation right now while you're listening to this.

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So it's low-hanging fruit, quite frankly. I'm being a ticket broker right now. I'm brokering off some bad content for you. All right. We'll be back.

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Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large.

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And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules.

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They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything. You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Serea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. All right.

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Travel, the commercial break needs an extra episode like we always do, whatever the situation is. And now you've got these extraordinarily valuable tickets that you can't use.

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Back talking about the ticketing business when it comes to live entertainment and how it's just gotten out of hand, out of control. I don't have any solutions because I never do have any solutions, but I thought that I would just bring it to the attention. This is a really good piece that is done by CBS News this morning.

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No, there's no journalism here at the commercial break. Other hardworking journalists did this. So stop by the CBS News This Morning website or YouTube channel or whatever to watch this in its entirety. But we're going to listen to it because I think it's important and I believe that it needs a little bit more attention than I think CBS News This Morning can give it.

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So I don't know how many of our listeners are tuning into CBS News This Morning, but here we go.

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1691.348

This guy who's talking is basically talking in his garage, right?

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Yeah, this is a Georgia ticket broker he's talking to. We'll get to that part, but.

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I've never heard of this band. Have you heard of Something Corporate?

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Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the dear friend and co-host of the show, Chris Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you out there on the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us. I am watching reels from the recent Florida Gators win of the national NCAA March Madness Tournament, if you will, Chrissy.

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1797.151

Jesus, $104,000 to rent the Palladium, where they probably seat 3,000 people, 4,000 people maybe? Yeah.

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1843.871

Okay, so let's do the math there. Three, four thousand people sit at the Hollywood Palladium. I'm assuming. I'm just making an educated, non-educated guess. I'm making an educated, non-educated guess. So they're going to make $30,000 to $40,000. Looks like there's seven people in the band. So they're each going to walk away with $6,000 or $7,000 for a night's worth of work.

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But maybe they're only working 100 nights a year, 110 nights a year, if you're lucky. I mean, these guys look like they're a little bit older, right? So they're not

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1876.7

and i don't think they're fish i don't think they're working 250 nights a year or i don't even think fish does that anymore but um so you're making 70 80 90 000 a year on touring that's not uh no i'm sorry that's 700 000 oh yeah that's pretty good yeah never mind that's pretty good money that's good money and then we split that five ways

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1928.473

Yeah, see, I think that's really the issue is that at the end of the day, it comes down to how much is the consumer willing to pay. So the more that we feed the beast, the more that they continue to charge. When people are selling Taylor Swift sixth row tickets for $15,000, $20,000, $25,000, and there's lots of people willing to pay it, why wouldn't you?

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It really is. Now, so I want you to imagine yourself in a situation. I think I know the answer for this for me, but I want to ask you. You pop on Ticketmaster, wait in the line to get the Taylor Swift tickets for the show here in Atlanta, and you're lucky enough to get in quick and you get $350 seats front row or second row, third row, really close to the stage.

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And then someone falls sick a couple weeks ahead of time, and unfortunately, you're unable to go. Travel, the commercial break needs an extra episode like we always do. Whatever the situation is. And now you've got these extraordinarily valuable tickets that you can't use. And you look on the marketplace, StubHub, and StubHub says you can probably get $25,000 a piece for these tickets.

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We're going to take a 10% commission, $2,500 a piece or whatever the commission is. It's probably way more than that. But we're going to do that. But you can sell them on our marketplace or you can go to the Ticketmaster website and sell them for $350 like you bought them for. Yeah. What would be your choice?

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Now, if somebody's going to pay twenty five thousand, twenty five thousand dollars, that's what those tickets were going. Some of them were going for not all of them, but some of them, the best of seats and the best of shows in the more affluent areas, Miami, L.A., Chicago.

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Who would have thunk it? The one year Brian decides not to do the brackets and pick all the number ones to go all the way to the final four is the one year that all the number ones go to the final four.

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2032.533

People that have tons of money to buy them. And that's the problem is that just like Disney World has become a premium, only rich people can kind of afford it experience. Concerts are now becoming that way. A large amount of them are becoming that way. I'll tell you a little story before we move on here. I'll tell you a little story.

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2049.204

When I was a bartender at La Strada and I was giving myself Chianti Classico under the bar.

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Day-old bread. Not only day-old bread, day-old bread that had been on someone else's table. I mean, that's insane. But anyway, it's not open anymore, so don't call me about it. I don't want to hear about it. It's not open anymore.

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2070.724

I can only imagine. When I was working there, I ended up meeting a guy at the end of the bar who would come in often. Older gentleman, probably in his late 50s, early 60s. Not the Coke dealer. Okay. No. But that guy was sitting at the end of the bar, too.

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Because he knew that every dime I made would go right into his pocket. It was like I was working for him. You do the work. You give it to me. How's that?

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Yeah. So the guy and I became friendly over the course of a couple of months. And one day I asked him what he did because he always seemed to be, he was, you know, driving around a nice Mercedes, surrounded by younger, beautiful women. He was very eccentric, right? And you could just tell he was. He drank the best wine, champagne, you know, get this girl whatever she want, get them. Only the best.

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Only the best for you. That's why I'm at La Strada. Eating soft-shell crabs and three-day-old bread. So I learned at the time that he was buying tickets. He was paying people to stand in line or doing it himself. Stand in line.

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2143.321

At the box office, buying the tickets and then reselling them on this black market that was very virgin ground at the time. Very young. But he was making $200, $300, $400 sometimes on a ticket on the most in demand of concerts. Most tickets he was making $50 or $60 or $100. But he was doing it in volume and he was building an organization. He had four or five people working for him.

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He had an office down in Buckhead. He was doing it and he was well connected in the music industry. A lot of times the bands would give him their tickets. I've heard of that too.

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2179.028

And we'll get to this in the story, but... The bands would give him their tickets. Let's say a guy like Ari Shaffir comes into town. Ari Shaffir comes into town. And Ari has 20 tickets available per the contract to give away at his disposal. Not the best tickets, but good tickets, right? And he says, yeah, Brian, Chrissy, and what other hangers-on Brian wants to ask me to send to the show?

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And maybe a couple of other people that I know in Atlanta. But I got 10 of those tickets left. Not Ari, but a lot of times, bands and musicians, especially when the tickets are in demand, they will give those over to someone that they know that will then resell them. Maybe not directly to the ticket broker, but kind of directly to somebody who knows the ticket broker.

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Who'd you pick?

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And then that's a way that the band would make a little bit of extra cash for the night, especially the bands that were on a run. The Hot Band, Linkin Park, not included in that. But you understand what I'm saying. Jen Lopez, not selling her tickets to the ticket brokers.

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He was doing it. I think that the boss, Bruce Springsteen, at one point, there was mumblings that he was doing it. And I don't know any of this to be true or not. And I like Bruce Springsteen. I don't see why he needed to do that if he did that, but maybe he didn't. Who knows? But it's not uncommon.

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It's not uncommon for your favorite football player, basketball player, baseball player to sell their tickets on the black market either because they have the best seats in the house. And who's going to go to 162 home games for the what family member? Maybe your wife or your husband or maybe maybe your kids, but certainly not filling out 10 seats every single game.

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Why wouldn't you make a little extra cash? So this guy introduced me to the business and taught me how it worked. And on occasion, I would go stand at a box office for him to get these tickets. I didn't think much of it at the time.

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Florida?

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This was before Jam Land, but during my 13-year-long Bud Light and cocaine-induced AIDS. Okay.

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I didn't think much of it at the time. I really didn't because there were so few people who even knew about ticket brokers that it wasn't like a thing. And he did sell a lot of tickets to corporations, to people, you know, people could afford and put them on the corporate card, whatever. And at that time, when you saw when there was a twenty dollar ticket and you sold it for sixty five bucks.

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Auburn, okay. I also would have picked Duke to go all the way to the end if I had done a Final Four bracket, or I mean a March Madness bracket. But like I told you a couple weeks ago, I don't do that because all I do is pick the number ones and it never works out in my favor. There's always some Cinderella team that comes and wrecks it for me.

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To me, even back then, it was like, whatever. It's an in-demand ticket. This has been going on for time immemorial. This is nothing new that these ticket brokers do this. But what they do is they suck up available tickets for fans who are really diehard, who are standing out there in the cold and the wet and the rain. Not anymore.

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Who are sitting at home in their pajamas, clicking on, clicking, clicking, clicking, clicking. Yes.

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That's a very interesting point that I think is important to hear. Ticketmaster gives most of those fees back to the venue. It's how Ticketmaster gets the business of the venue. They bribe them, essentially. They say, we'll do all the hard work as far as the ticketing is concerned.

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Yeah, or they just buy the venue through Live Nation. That's right. Or they manage it or whatever it is. But Ticketmaster becomes the fall guy because they're set up to be the fall guy, and they're okay with that because it's such a lucrative business.

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They saw it coming and they knew what was going on and all of them valiantly fought that effort. It's so much so that for one whole tour, like one year, two years.

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And the one year that would have worked out in my favor. Unbelievable. But anyway, Onward and Upward, Masters Week. I'm watching these reels.

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2503.826

Yeah, they would only sell tickets through their own fan club or whatever it was, but they were losing money at a huge clip when they were the biggest band in rock and roll. They were losing money. They weren't able to play the venues they wanted to. And it became, you can't set up your own Ticketmaster when you're Pearl Jam. How do you do that? It's a billion dollar corporation.

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Yeah, I mean, that's the craziest shit. I was seeing the New Orleans, not the Jazz Fest, but there's another major music festival that happens down in New Orleans. Do you know what I'm talking about? I can't remember the name of it. It's like under the Derby Delay. I don't even remember what it was. But there are huge bands that are playing for days.

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It was like a lineup that I've never seen before. Rivaling Jazz Fest. And they have tickets that go up into the $2,500 for super VIP experience and all this other stuff. You know, heated bathrooms and people that wipe your ass and all this other shit. All this premium shit. Put it on layaway. Yeah. Put $500 down now, pay us $50 a month forever and ever and 15% interest. It's crazy.

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These kids, I mean, they really have nothing better to do with their time. Jumping on light posts and one kid falls off the light post.

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Yeah, that's the problem is that the artist, if they want to be in the big leagues and make a living doing this, they have to get in bed with Ticketmaster and Live Nation. Pearl Jam learned that lesson the hard way, but it's the way that the system has been. It's by design.

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268.562

No, this is down in Florida. Yeah, down at the University of Florida. They went wild in Gainesville. Wild. And one kid on the top of a street sign, like on the top of a traffic light.

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Well, of course you do. You have to. You're being paid by them to say that. I mean, take a look at it from the consumer point of view or the musician's point of view. But Is there a better way? I don't know. I don't have the answer to that. Is the better way buying tickets by mailing Eddie Vedder? Please send me two tickets to your concert. Here's a check for $50. I don't know.

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2817.887

Exactly. Do you want to go see Brian fall off a stage in Tuscaloosa, Alabama? Or do you want to go to, I don't know, wherever, to the Coca-Cola Roxy? It's brand spanking new, beautiful, well-run, you know, merch is in pretty places. I mean, even the Variety Playhouse now, that used to be a dive bar that was really big.

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283.679

In Florida, the traffic lights have big poles because of the hurricanes. They have poles. They don't have wires. They have poles and they hang out into the middle of the street. He's on top of it bouncing like an idiot. I don't know what he's proving to anybody. I don't know what you're doing. Why are people so excited about the guy on the traffic light?

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2843.314

Now it's a clean, sparkly, shiny place in the middle of little fucking five points. It lost a little bit of its luster because now it's got a lot of bluster, so to speak. I mean, I hate to use the rhyme, but I do it all the time. And it is a complicated question about whether or not this is the right way or the wrong way to do it because it is the system we have, like it or not.

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It is the system we have. And whether you like it or not, I bet you like sitting in your pajamas Now, he said... We are on the side of the musician and the consumer, not the big resale companies charging high prices. You're also charging high prices. It starts with you. You're charging $50 ticket fees on $70 tickets. That is insanity. How can you charge a $50 ticket fee?

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2914.537

I agree what you do is valuable. I agree the service you offer is convenient. $50 convenient? No. I don't even make $7 an hour working here at the commercial break. And I think we can all agree that the commercial break has built something quite amazing.

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It rivals Live Nation and Ticketmaster. We are independent. Yes. Thank you. No big corporations here. No big podcast here. All right. Let's take a break. We'll get back to it.

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2978.573

Okay, let's get back to the CBS Saturday morning report here.

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2999.011

Well, thank you. Thank you for that.

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300.706

It's not like he won the national championship. But people are going crazy. Nothing better to do but be drunk. I mean, listen, I was a kid once, too. I get it. He falls off into the street, and as the ambulance is carrying him away, thousands of people watching this. He raises his arm. I got a broken clavicle. He raises his arm, and the crowd goes wild. He's okay. All right. Cool.

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3084.743

I like how Dwight Schrute, there's a picture of Dwight Schrute behind him.

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3118.581

Guys, this is the guy who's helping the guy defeat you on the ticket line is the guy who doesn't even know who fucking Van Morrison is. And he's too old not to know who Van Morrison is.

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3160.377

Oh my God. The world is being taken over by a bunch of guys in their mom's basement.

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3170.319

Made like... Oh, get me signed up.

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3173.123

Welcome to Brian's Scalpers Club Elite 100. The commercial break brought to you by Scalpers.

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3181.765

Yeah, TCBB, screwing you every step of the way.

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3189.477

Sean Vitt. I've learned a lot of stuff about the ticket business.

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3224.96

They're so good. They have all the pre-sale codes. They're so good with the bots. This is what they do for a living. You and I do this every couple of months. They do this every morning. Very upset because they weren't going.

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323.956

Are his parents okay after they get that $38,000 hospital bill? I don't know. But congratulations to Florida. Game well played. I did watch all of the Final Four and the National Championship. That Houston-Duke game was intense. It was intense. It was insane for Florida. 99% of the game, Duke was clearly just going to walk away with it.

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3290.892

Wow. Well, they're trying to make a profit. So for them, it might be the time they put in might not be worth it for the results that they get. But for most of us, that's how we get our tickets. Yeah. Friday morning. It's at 10, get logged in well before. I like to log in Saturday at about 3.15 p.m.

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3324.81

Oh, I bought on StubHub?

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3333.819

Well, that's what was going on with TCB tickets, too, is the first 12 results were for ticket brokers. And it wasn't until you got almost to the second page did you actually see the venue's website.

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3369.814

He shows you a few.

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3371.637

But some of these you don't have access to even if you wanted to have access to them.

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3383.697

How does the plugin get into the system, have an open API, what they call an open API or an open call, that allows them to constantly monitor how many tickets are being sold and which ones are available? That can only be done if first there's a back door somewhere on the website of Ticketmaster.

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3403.065

Or to the venue, or someone is feeding them that information on purpose.

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3425.003

And while Farrah and McCurley told us... This is the most irritated interview I've ever seen. This guy's so irritated with the fact that CBS is there.

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3442.025

Yeah. I went...

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And then all of a sudden, the basketball gods had something else in mind with Houston, and it was well played on both teams. That is the way the balls bounce, Chrissy, as they say. But congratulations to the University of Florida.

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3479.571

Yeah, is that even though they're saying they're democratizing the purchase and sale of tickets, there's still a hurdle to get in that door to really democratize it. If everybody had these tools available to them, then I would see how you could make that claim. But when you are essentially...

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3499.68

gating those tools that make it very easy for you to get the best tickets and not for me to get the best tickets, then you're not democratizing it. What you're doing is you're essentially making a hierarchy where you sit on top collecting the most amount of money.

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3552.326

That guy is as dumb as he looks. He really is as dumb as he looks. This is the guy who's funding the independent broker in Georgia, by the way, who started this MLM for ticket brokers where you can buy a course and become a broker. Yeah. It doesn't make any, what you said is the dumbest thing in the world.

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3570.039

It doesn't hurt the consumer that you're taking 380 tickets out of the pool available to the real fan or to the person that just wants to go to the concert. And you're telling us that we have to get like a whole like battalion of human people, of people, which is what we have been doing, by the way.

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3587.626

We have been getting as many people as we can to all get on at the same time so that one of us hopefully can hit on it and buy as many tickets as possible.

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3642.392

Kid Rock was in the Oval Office with Trump. And by the way, why does Trump have to sign everything with a... A signature that's one page big, like the whole page. Yeah, he does a little sharp angle.

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365.598

A tip of the hat to the SEC, who had a couple teams.

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369.101

There you go. But I was looking at ticket prices the other day. I like to do that when the big tournament games come and all the, you know, razzle-dazzle, everyone gets excited. I like to see which teams are willing to pay, which fans are willing to pay the most for the tickets. And I did find some reasonably priced championship Final Four, certainly, like in the, you know, $100 range. Yeah.

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3695.388

Yeah. You can get it right 5.5% of the time, and we're still going to give ourselves an F, Dave.

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3757.895

Well, you get to the root of that by not making the tickets so expensive in the first place and making them more accessible. Feel me out on this one.

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3770.365

If I don't have to pay $180 face value for every ticket that I go see, I will go see more concerts, making more tickets available because more musicians will be able to make a living on the road, making more tickets generally out there in the open public. The cheaper that it is, the more people that get in on it, the more people that get in on it, the more people can make a living doing it.

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3792.51

The more people that make a living doing on it, the more these events take place all around the world. We also, at the same time that we're hearing about tour cancellations and all this stuff, we're also hearing about festival closures all over the place. Festivals that can't do this anymore because they're getting charged an arm and a leg all along the way. They can't find profitability.

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And people can't buy the tickets, so they can't sustain the model.

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3905.444

So she likes... That music, that's all I got to say.

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3945.945

Yeah, that's what he's suggesting, is that they give a portion of the tickets to StubHub so that they can allow their free market, willy-nilly, however much you want to pay, you get to pay, you know. essentially supply and demand way of looking at the marketplace dynamics.

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And those you could find for $50. You could be in the nosebleeds for $50. Very reasonably priced. $100 for the Final Four, $150 for the championship game. Now you're way up there. You probably won't even be able to see what's going on. But those are with the big ticket brokers. StubHub, Vivid Seats, stuff like that.

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3965.194

That's what everyone has been up in arms about with Ticketmaster this last year and a half, two years, is this surge pricing, demand pricing, just like airline tickets. The less that are available, the more that you will pay. I don't disagree with supply and demand, but I'm not sure this is the right way to look at it.

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4068.152

I really want to get at those Pearl Jam tickets.

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4102.474

Yeah, okay. I understand what this guy, what he's saying, but that's not how Ticketmaster acts because they are, in fact, surge pricing now themselves and adding exorbitant fees onto what is a pretty simple piece of the puzzle. Find the right ticket, make sure that seat is available, and hand that to the customer willing to pay it.

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I think that should be a cap at like a 5% fee of the ticket value or something along those lines. And that starts the conversation about the band or the musician or the agent or whoever's putting the deal memo together to look at the actual costs, give the band a fair cut of the ticket, and then price it out based on how close or how far you are from seeing the actual...

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And it reminded me of a CBS This Morning news piece that I had seen, which is probably the most detailed accounting of why concerts... sporting events and any live entertainment right now is so fucking expensive to get into. I'm going to show it to you here. We'll watch this. We'll listen to it here in a minute.

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and then also how much you're willing to pay the fair market value for that particular musical act. StubHub shouldn't... No one should get in bed with StubHub. That's a ridiculous idea. And if we could, we shouldn't get in bed with Ticketmaster or Live Nation either, although I think that door has already been closed.

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But there is a better way to look at this somehow, some way, some shape, some form. And I'm telling you, if the ticket prices were lower, more people, more...

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musicians would be on the road more people would go see more shows solving some of this problem and there will always be the taylor swifts of the world there'll always be this cultural zeitgeist where everybody has to go and they're willing to look at cabbage patch kids those things were selling for three thousand dollars in 1985 beanie babies three thousand dollars in 1985 and now they're back at three thousand dollars and i threw them away

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Where's the Dick Tracy nostalgia when you need it?

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Yes. Where's the Dick Tracy market? I would have made a killing on that. All right, well, there you go. Very interesting look at the ticketing business in general and the reason why we're all paying so much money to go see these live shows, sporting events, comedy, and all things in between. You know, I don't have any of the great answers. I just have some ideas.

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But one of those ideas was to start the commercial break, so don't trust me on anything, okay? I'm not here for answers. I'm just here to ask more questions. I'm here to muddy the waters, not clear them up. What do you want from me? I'm just a guy. Just a guy doing a podcast. But I will tell you what.

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The guy who's funding the Georgia ticket brokers and making the MLM out of it, he's a pretty dumb human being.

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Yeah. He's pretty dumb. I hope I see him at the Kroger.

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Elite. Elite. So original.

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4268.393

Okay, don't use elite, okay? But they're probably wrapped into StubHub anyway. You wouldn't even know it. Okay, May 31st, the 12 hours of TCB. Speaking of lowering ticket prices. Yeah, speaking of doing more shows. 12 hours of TCB, May 31st, all to raise awareness about mental health awareness and your mental health and my mental health.

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And so we're all going to be out of mental health by the end of the day. And celebrating five years of the commercial break. In coordination with our partners at Odyssey, CTB New York, Covert Creative, and WePlash. We're super excited. It's going to be a great time. I think. Are we super excited? I don't know. Talk to me on the morning of the 31st. It's going to be exciting.

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We'll be recording earlier than we ever have.

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Yeah, just be happy about it, okay? Stop texting me. Yes, we're doing it. It's going to happen. Will we make it through all 12? I don't know. That's another question.

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Yeah, that's the experiment. That's right. TCBpodcast.com, your free swag.

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Sorry, CBS News, but I think this is a really comprehensive piece, and I think as many people need to hear it as possible so that we all have a better understanding of exactly why you can't get tickets to see your favorite band or artist or sporting event. And how the mechanics actually work and how Live Nation and Ticketmaster play into this.

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It has a lot to do with a lot of things. Like everything in life, it's complicated. And while we all like to make Ticketmaster and Live Nation out to be the bad guy, and I think in a lot of ways they certainly are the heel in this situation, it's not just them.

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It's every... It's every cog in the wheel that is taking their piece and making it more expensive, not being transparent, employing tactics that are shitty, that don't benefit the consumer. So this may not be the funniest episode of the commercial break ever, but we're so interested in music and live events here, given that we've canceled at least four ourselves.

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Yeah. Yeah, we did. But we don't know what the date is yet. Yeah, we don't know what the date is yet. It's rescheduled. We just don't know what the date is. But what surprised Chrissy and I, even about our short dip, our toe dip, our Tasty Tina into the live.

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521.777

Yeah, our fingernail tip. And then pulled it back out. Just the tip. We gave you just the tip. We told you there was going to be a live event. Some of you bought to get to the live event. Then we yanked it. That was a rug pull. They call that a rug pull in the business. Even in our small experience, we found that the ticket brokering sites were selling tickets for $800. Face value, $38. Not $58.

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But they were selling tickets for $800. Now, I am sure no one bought $800 tickets. Because if they did, they got royally fucked. And I'm really sorry. But that's not exactly true. That is the norm right now. It is not the exception. It's the norm.

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Even the smallest of events, even the most useless entertainment you could ever see is getting super high ticket prices because all of these people are trying to dip their fingers in the pot, so to speak. And this is causing a lot of problems all across the board. Let me give you an example, one that you were sharing with me the other day, and I went and did some more research on it. Linkin Park.

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The venerable... All rock, you know, I don't even know what, what do you, Nu Rock, I guess would probably be the best, Nu spelled N-U Rock. 2000s. 90s, 2000s band that had some hits, no doubt. Chester Benningfield.

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Just like No Doubt, that's right. Just like No Doubt. They were like Nu Ska or something, Ska Rock or something like that. But Linkin Park was one of the,

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first on the scene with this brand of kind of hip-hop, rock, heavy metal, you know, synthesized beats, rapping, if you could call it that, and really in-your-face hard rock, along with some other melodic kind of more, I would call more grungy stuff. They kind of mixed it all together, this mishmash rock, and they hit on something like a cultural zeitgeist.

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They had a moment where they were really popular and And Chester, the lead singer of the band, now they had not been as popular for a number of years, but I think they were highly regarded with their fans. And Chester died. And what did he die of? An overdose? Did he die of an overdose?

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Oh, suicide. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, he unalived himself, as they like to say on the Internet. He unalived himself, I think. I don't want to misspeak about that because I don't want to be disrespectful to Chester. Chester Bennington death. Let me see here. Death. Yes. Unalived by hanging. Mm-hmm. And the details aren't important.

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What's important is that he unalived himself in a moment when Linkin Park was not at their zenith. They were not at their most powerful. They had seen their moment. Like oftentimes this happens with every major musical act. They see their height. They fall from grace in the public's eyes. The public gets sick of hearing all about it, hearing the same song over and over again, whatever it is.

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And then they go away for a while. And then everything old becomes new again. And they see a resurgence in popularity. We're seeing that all over the board, all over the map right now with 80s bands, 80s bands and musical acts, 90s bands and musical acts. Some have stayed.

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Frankie Valli, 50s acts. That guy is dead. I'm still not convinced he's alive. Go Google Frankie Valli. Google Frankie Valli live and look at any of the concert footage from the last three years and tell me you're not 100% convinced that's not a Boston Dynamics robot with Frankie Valli's actual skin pasted on it. It's amazing.

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but his mouth doesn't move he's singing but his mouth doesn't move or they claim he's singing and it's so hard to tell and i'm a i consider myself a master lip sync art like a detector anyway so right now The concert business, especially the concert business, is just insane.

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And we all know this because we are seeing one of the... We are alive at a time where we are seeing one of the artists who is truly at the zenith of popularity, Taylor Swift. She just went on her world tour. And... you couldn't get a ticket. And if you could get a ticket, you were paying thousands of dollars, even for the nosebleed seats or the standing room only seats, thousands of dollars.

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And if you went to a Taylor Swift concert during that period of time, you will know that every ticket was standing room only. Everybody was standing, screaming and singing the songs. You could almost not hear her. It almost made it unenjoyable. I went and saw her at her last concert in LA, the one that's on Disney Plus right now. And I...

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It was a gift to my wife, and it was the most expensive ticket I have ever paid for. And it was insane, but worth it to see her face, to see the enjoyment in her face.

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But it was just crazy to me that we were paying these kind of ticket prices. And Lincoln Park is not at the zenith of their power. Chester passes away. Then years later, six, seven, eight, ten years later, they decide they're going to put the band back together, but with a new lead singer. Some would say a PR problematic singer.

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She has some ties to the Church of Scientology and some other cultish type behavior. But some people really like her voice in place of Chester's, and some people don't appreciate it. But they announced a tour where they were playing stadiums, 50, 60, 70,000 seats. And you told me the other day that they were having problems selling those tickets and they were downsizing the venues.

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Opening acts like Queens of the Stone Age were pulling out, probably because they couldn't be paid the same amount of money with a different sized venue, I would imagine. I don't think they were like, no, fuck Linkin Park. They were probably thinking to themselves, well, this isn't a good payday for us. And they're downsizing.

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Because they cannot sell the tickets at the price they need to sell them to in order to make the money they expected to make or to pay the crew or to fit those kind of arenas. They are even discounting tickets from $59 down to $39, the cheapest of seats, which is today's day and age is a pretty reasonable ticket. And there are still lots of seats available to these tickets.

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We heard this with, who else? We've heard this about Katy Perry. We've heard this about, who else just had to roll back her shows? Jennifer Lopez had to roll back, cancel her shows. Who are the two guys, the one that plays piano? Not White Stripes, but one plays piano, one plays bass. Do you know who I'm talking about? Black Keys.

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The Black Keys had to cancel all of their stadium dates and arena dates and go to smaller clubs. This is happening more frequently. The reason is because you and I have less money to spend on tickets right now because every ticket that we buy is exorbitantly expensive because you can't get them when they go on sale at the normal price. And even at the normal price, they're exorbitantly expensive.

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Comedy shows, entertainment, live show, all of it. And there's a complicated hodgepodge of reasons why that is. But the artist can no longer afford to go to a place like, say, Dodgers Stadium, like Lincoln Park was scheduled to play, and only sell two-thirds of the seats.

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They need to sell 100% of the seats in order just to make the kind of money they need, probably to cover the costs and get a little bit of money themselves. And so rather than take the chance that they won't, even... Six months ahead of time. And they can see it coming down the pike. They decide to go to an 18,000 seat venue rather than a 60,000 seat venue.

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That's so true.

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1040.681

Yeah, there's probably a lot of incriminating stuff out there.

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1062.207

Especially back from our Clear Channel days.

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109.332

I get ass. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green.

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1168.017

Well, it's just the legs. It's the kneecaps.

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1172.239

Yeah.

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1334.009

It's going to snowball from here.

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142.082

He does.

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1424.034

But do you really?

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1456.676

Is that what you're calling?

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1470.429

I've never heard that before.

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1509.339

Good luck with that. There is no HR here.

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1560.834

I've never had a titmank before.

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1588.482

Well, obviously they're on season seven.

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1592.264

Because it's so outrageous.

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1614.633

A jeweler.

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1616.314

A chef.

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169.185

He had an excellent adventure.

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1756.864

Why not get in front of a national or worldwide audience?

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1781.297

Yeah, you're not getting catfished on this one.

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1794.224

That's from Bridget Jones.

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1864.677

I don't think you'd be on here.

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1866.841

Oh, I don't think you'd be on here.

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1928.515

I mean, I would be nervous.

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2066.859

What happened?

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2176.778

Oh, my God. So she's back looking for more, but just not too big.

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2234.927

I expect you to mutilate yourself if I'm going to get mutilated.

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2299.218

I don't know. Why do you have one tattoo right up there and it's faded?

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2313.526

He just didn't make it by the time he was going to be on national TV.

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2317.088

He tried.

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2346.84

Instead of the bones.

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2365.584

Here we go.

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2375.696

Okay, some are doing better than others.

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2407.795

I do too. At least there's that.

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2412.78

Maybe we can get it to where they go up one more level.

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2418.706

Can we just go up one more? Can we go to their chest now?

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2438.644

How's that?

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2452.817

Red. Red is out.

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2473.655

Your client's seeing this. He's a finance manager.

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2478.439

Hey, can you move a million pounds into my wealth? Holy shit, I just saw your penis on national television. Did you just helicopter your penis? Did you just helicopter your penis? Oh, well, I haven't been sure.

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2578.927

That was like full chest and torso.

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2585.372

Or a deer, I guess. I don't know. Maybe he'll explain. Yeah, I hope so.

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2599.882

The victory V. The victory V. Victory is for vagina. V is for victory in your vagina.

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2702.879

That is a good way to exercise.

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2858.261

Yeah.

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2862.301

The butt shot. It's the best.

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2893.009

It's exciting.

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294.566

And his girlfriend is age-appropriate. Oh, yeah.

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2959.106

I'm desperate. I'm desperate for a wank.

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298.467

How is this even possible? He's been with her for a long time.

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2990.988

Okay. They're all very different.

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310.353

I thought that maybe they got married, but they've been together for a long time.

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3123.597

He was the rower.

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3406.254

And keep walking so we can get a hot shot of your ass. Baker. Actually, Jess isn't getting any of my cream today.

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3444.873

Maybe. Yeah, maybe there's a little makeup that goes in certain places.

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3491.77

I wonder if they have to keep that studio really warm.

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3506.034

You have to.

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3540.365

She's got big boobs.

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3555.418

And drunk.

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3605.518

It's intriguing, though.

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3606.778

Maybe we want to get to the bottom of it.

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3617.15

He does have a Bradley Cooper-ish look Bradley

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3639.775

Thank you.

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3640.315

Goodbye. See you later.

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3714.746

Now they do show the... Or they meet. Drop your drawers! They be globes.

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3809.493

I know some things, but I couldn't really hear it. I fully expect you would know things because of your love of Britain.

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3867.57

We all got our dose of some penis.

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3922.751

Oh, my God. Our network must be so proud.

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4009.43

I think that's more than enough.

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4054.668

I take a dick and keep on licking.

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434.903

Substance.

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440.765

Yeah.

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449.927

Oh, I mean, you've got to love The Matrix. I love Point Break, too.

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480.919

Was it like another actor of that time?

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483.821

Will Smith?

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499.293

Okay. He was also doing a million other movies at that point.

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510.526

No, not now.

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555.131

Yeah, like what did I miss out on?

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710.498

Whatever happened... They film fight scenes.

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727.911

I think he's still around, but maybe he just made enough money.

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735.115

He's 70.

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807.543

Josh or John?

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819.073

No, I thought she was with somebody else. That's her. I don't know. She was with somebody else, I think.

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827.66

That was the revenge dress.

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851.67

And then I decided I had enough chicken fry.

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95.671

A jeweler.

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97.511

A chef.

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99.152

The girl at the gas station. That guy with the small penis.

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1004.366

Oh, I saw a video. I don't know if, I don't think it was from Riverbeat because it was like a lot of people, like a hundred thousand people. So I don't think it was a Riverbeat where he threw a cake and the guy was telling him to, you know, wait for the beat, wait for the beat, wait for the beat. And he just threw it. And the look on the DJ's face was like, fuck man. Yeah.

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Yeah? Did they do a little Akiyoki karaoke? What happened there? Did you actually see him play? I did. Spin? Yeah. And so what is the arrangement there? I'm really interested in the minutia of this a little bit. Does Stevie Akiyoki, does he get up there and are you in the crowd or are you on the stage or in the back of the stage? What is your viewpoint for this particular artist?

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You watched it from Jeff's trailer? What, like on a video screen? Yeah. Yeah? Oh, Chrissy.

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They did a whole special on all the security measures that are taken to make sure that no one gets a sniff or a whiff of who might be the next Pope of the Catholic Church. Really? I mean, really? I mean, I know that Italian paparazzi. They're like a dog on a bone. They love all the palace drama around the pompous circumstance. Yes. The pompom circumstance. They love it.

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Yeah. Oh, I would think he would be like closing out the night. It was like 4.30, 5. I would think 4.35 in the morning would be a good time for him.

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Yeah, Vegas clubs and Ibiza.

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Yeah, Ibiza. Ibiza.

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Okay. All right.

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Was it a big crowd? Mm-hmm. I looked at the setup I was looking at, and I noticed that it was very spread out, a big area.

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How many people do they think showed up to River Beat?

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To me— The River Beat looks bigger than Mempho. It does. I mean, just like crowd-wise, the ability to hold a crowd looks bigger than Mempho.

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Yeah, Mempho's like the main event, right? It's the one that everyone kind of pays attention to. But it looks like River Beat might be— Well, it's just River Beat's second year. Yeah, I know. That's crazy.

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What's that, the Mississippi? The mighty Mississippi? The mighty Mississippi. The mighty Mississippi. The old man. The old lazy river. So who else plays there? You've got the Killers.

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Oh, she's great.

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And how long did she play for? 45 minutes an hour or something like that?

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Oh, okay. So like a full set. Wow. I'm sure just a crazy crowd. Yeah.

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Cage the Elephant, I was saying this.

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They play everything. Every festival has to have Cage the Elephant. Benson Boone. Oh, Benson Boone.

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Is he doing flips? He did a flip. Okay, all right.

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He's only 22.

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He was played on Sunday night?

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Okay. So he did Saturday Night Live on Saturday night and then rolled into Riverbeat on Sunday night. That's the way you do it, man. You got to get it while the getting's hot. Was the crowd big for Benson Boone?

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's what I've heard. Listen, his... I guess he's got the dick to handle it, but his outfits are rather revealing. He wears those tight pants that are very tight pants.

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Freddie Mercury. I almost think like David Lee Roth-ish, kind of. Not like that outrageous, but just some of the outfits that he wears are a little wild. My wife loves Benson Boone. I know.

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That's great.

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That's great.

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I saw Flavor Flav.

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Oh, I'm sure. That's his thing. That's what he talks about.

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Public Enemy. Oh, they played.

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Oh, I didn't know that Public Enemy was there. I thought they might have just been there hanging out with Missy or something. Oh, wow. Really? Okay. Public Enemy, one of the OG. I mean, they are so good. Some of that old Public Enemy is so fucking good.

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That's how I went through my Africa Bubata stage. Where a kid in my class told me, you look like an idiot. You look like an idiot.

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Karong Bin. That's incredible. Was the crowd good for it?

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Yeah, they are lovely. Okay, so slow down for a second. So did you tell Flavor Flav that we use him in the opening of our show? I told him.

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Did you also tell him he should come on the show? I mean, that's I need you to be that person. Yeah. If you're going to meet people, you should say you should come on the show, you know, and they'll say yes out of obligation. I don't want to embarrass themselves right in front of you. But then we have our people call their people and say he said so.

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It's a little like wiggle in. I guess I have to be that guy. And I'll come next time and I'll be like, will you be on our show? Will you be on our show? Will you be on our show? Because if Benson Boone showed up on the show, then I would get laid.

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I would get laid. Yeah. Because my wife would be thinking about Benson Boone. While we were having sex. That's why. Okay, so the Killers played on Saturday night?

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Now, where did you watch the Killers from?

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From the suite.

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Which is like side stage?

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Is that like side stage?

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Like scaffolding?

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Okay. Up there. Around the side of the stage?

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Oh, like so in the front of the stage. Okay. So you go up there. You hang out in the suites. Yeah. The Killers, I've seen a couple of their live shows on television. That's really good. The energy. I saw, and I told Jeff this, I saw Madison Square Garden and the Killers played three nights, two nights, three nights. And on the third night, a second night, whatever it was.

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They love that palace drama that's around the Vatican and they get into it. You know, they follow cardinals around, see who's sleeping with who and who's got a boyfriend and who's got a girlfriend. It's a big deal in that Italian press universe to follow those guys around. And they have been known for their dirty tricks. The Italian media has.

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The boss, Bruce Springsteen, came out, played three songs, three Bruce Springsteen songs with the Killers.

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And I'm not the world's biggest Killers fan. I like them. Yeah. I think they're really good. And I think they're one of those bands that's probably a little bit better live, just from what I've seen on television, watching them. I was thoroughly impressed.

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At all. The killers and the boss together. It was incredible. It was really energetic. Super great. He had all the notes. I mean, the boss had all the notes and then Brandon hit on the flowers. I think it's his name. Hit all the notes. It was fucking incredible. Wow. So a good long three day stretch there.

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Yeah, no rest for the weary. No rest for the weary.

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Chrissy, do we need to have another conversation? This is your first responsibility. The commercial break. Generating over $20 of income per episode for your pocket. I don't know what's going on here, but if I need to have a conversation with Jeff and say, Jeff, Chrissy can only go to one of the four days of the festival, okay?

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She can go to that little dinner ahead of time, and then she can go Saturday night. She'll be limited to 10 p.m., and then she needs to be back at the hotel room creating content for the commercial break.

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I know.

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Listen, I get it. I'm not immune to the FOMO. I'm not immune to it. I look at you doing all these things and I think it's great. And I would love to be there with you too. And you know that I would go if I could go. And maybe I will go. But I also, from the last time I spent three nights at a festival, which was Mempho, and I didn't even drink. It took me days to recover from that.

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There's just a certain amount of... Like, I don't know. You got to limit yourself sometimes at – I think this goes for anybody. I wish I had this bit. I'm giving my young self – you know how people say that time and space doesn't matter and it's all just a construct of the mind and that my younger self is living in some alternate timeline? Let me tell you, Brian. Pace yourself, buddy.

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Pace yourself. Just because you can doesn't mean you should. And you will, I promise you, at your advanced age, you will kiss yourself on the mouth for pacing yourself. Because part of me thinks that the reason why three-day festival just sounds exhausting is because I have done it so many times in my young life. That I like burned my body out.

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There's only so much running room you have in your spirit. And you just, you gotta, you gotta tamper it down sometimes, Chrissy. Here I am giving a speech to you and I got three fucking children. Because here's the reality.

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This is it. I am.

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The difference is, at a three-day festival with Chrissy, she goes to bed at 6 a.m., I get up at 6 a.m. Right.

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But, I mean, wouldn't it be okay if we knew, like, who might be the next pope? Is it really that big of a deal? Right?

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My party starts at 6 a.m., and then it ends at about 11.30, at which point Chrissy is just getting going.

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so all right well i'm just getting texting you listen i'm very proud of jeff yes congratulations on river beat it looks like the offshoot festival river beat has become quite the big deal and not that mempho isn't mempho two days of widespread panic uh make sure you go check that out but i'm just sharing with you uh that congratulations it sounded like it was a good party i saw all the pictures and jackie beans i even got a jackie beans photo i

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So thank you, Jackie Means. I'm going to see if I can post that on Instagram because some people were asking.

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Yeah. Maybe next year. Maybe next year the kids are old enough. We can get a break. We can have somebody watch the children, and we can get away with it. All right. Let's do this. Let's take a break. And then, Chrissy, then and only then, I want to talk about the one and only – Met Gala. I was going to say something, but I'm going to talk about the Met Gala.

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I want to review some video footage that I have of the Met Gala and all the to-dos and all the whatever. We'll get to it. All right. We'll be back.

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Here's what's most surprising to me about the conclave. And I guess not surprising, but surprising when you actually read it. And then I did a little bit of investigation. There is a league of extraordinary gentlemen. Let's call them that. Here in the United States of America, called like the Basilicus of St. Peter or the Apostolites of St. Peter or something along those lines.

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The one and only Met Gala, Chrissy, happened a couple of nights ago. Was that Sunday night or something like that?

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Saturday, Sunday night?

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Oh, it was Monday night. Okay. What a great night to hold the Met Gala. Now, for those of you that don't know.

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Well, there you go. Right after he met Chrissy, he headed to the Met Gala. I love you. I can only imagine what condition people were in in that trailer or up in that suite. I'm going to go next year. I'm making it a point to go. I really wanted to go this year. When the lineup was announced, I was like, wow, Riverbeat.

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Now, no knock on Mempho, but Riverbeat would have been more my speed, I think, as far as the music is concerned. I would have loved to have gone. So next year. Next year, I'm going to go. Yes, next year. Okay, so the Met Gala, for those of you that don't know, who have your head in a hole, the Met Gala is put on by the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

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The chairperson of the Met Gala is, of course, Anna Wintour, who has been the longtime editor-in-chief of Vogue. There have been movies, magazines, and books written about her. She is hellfire on two feet, and she is also known for being really a tastemaker of all sorts. Yeah. I mean, I can get into it, but this isn't about Anna Wintour.

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But Anna Wintour asked one person to chair this year, and that person was Pharrell Williams. So Pharrell Williams is going to chair the Met Gala. The theme is Black Dandy. Black Dandy is the style and fashion of African-Americans everywhere. throughout the years. And dandyism is a version of this style of dress. It's ostentatious.

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It's very tailored. Sometimes it's very tailored. Top hats, tails, the whole nine yards. It's there's all kind of fashion. But the Bent Gala is known for really has become known used to be for like guys in well-fitted suits and girls in beautiful dresses. And it has become kind of a costume show.

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Yeah, there's a different theme every year, but the costumes get more outrageous and more outrageous, and it gets more crazy and more crazy. A lot of people abstained from this year's Met Gala, not because of the theme, but because they felt that there were more important things to focus on in the world.

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There were a couple of celebrities who came out and said, thanks for the invite, but I think there are more important things we need to focus on. Whatever you think about that, it's a time to celebrate fashion. This year, it's a time to celebrate dandyism. I like what Pharrell—I think it was Pharrell Williams—

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The secret ultra wealthy club of people who donate millions and millions of dollars to the Catholic Church every year. And for that, they get access to the Pope directly. Access to the Pope. They get to meet him, essentially. Now, I don't know what kind of...

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said, from the slaves to the stairways of the Met Gala, celebrating that fashion throughout the years. And when he said that on one of these shows, one of these red carpet shows, it really kind of touched me. I was like, wow, that's a very powerful statement that he made. And I can appreciate that. I can also appreciate the ridiculousness of it all, right?

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It's like one of those, not dandyism, but the ridiculousness of the Met Gala.

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in general and i can understand why some people had abstained um from going all of that said you may or may not know christy you will know that i have like a loose connection to the fashion world i had a friend for a long time who worked in the modeling industry at the very at a very high level and she was like an executive at one of the high fashion modeling in you know agencies and

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And I really got an inside look into what goes on in the fashion industry. And just like any industry, some of it dark, some of it funny, some of it comical. A lot of it just kind of P.T. Barnum showing off, right? It's like a P.T. Barnum quality to fashion, I think. And like comedy... Fashion oftentimes pushes the envelope and makes people think in ways that are weird and wild and wonderful.

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So I kind of have a little bit of a soft spot for the fashion industry. Some might call me a fashionista myself. I don't know if I'm wearing Le Gap with Le Joes and Le Targay. Yeah. A bit of a fashionista myself, Chrissy.

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Not the Walmart sweatpants today. But this is one of those risks you take in fashion that either work out or don't. When I put on those Walmart sweatpants, I feel like I win more often than I lose. I'm just saying. That's all I got to say. As my balls are swinging in and out of the baggy, white, Lululemon-esque Walmart sweatpants that I have fallen in love with. Comparable to Lululemon.

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So comparable to Lululemon. I went into Lululemon the other day to buy something. One of the shorts that sometimes I run or walk in was getting a little old. So I'm like, let me go in there and get – it's like you got to bring a banker with you to go to Lululemon. I like Lululemon. I do. I think they make really comfortable clothes. But it is ridiculous with the pricing in those stores.

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And not for lack of having customers, that's for fucking sure, because that place was packed. There was like a discount rack. It was like wild animals at the discount rack. It was like 15 pieces of clothing, all of them, you know, triple, double, small or triple, double X. It's like no size that will ever fit you.

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I gotta know the intricacies around the access to the Pope, but I would imagine that if you're donating a couple million dollars a year, you get to bite the ear of the Pope at least once in a blue moon. Or you know somebody who can bite the ear of the Pope. Not literally everyone's settled down.

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And people were like pushing each other and shoving each other to look at the stuff that was there. And I was like, it's fucking Lululemon, not La Boo Boo. La boo boo. La boo boo. So the Met Gala happens and I'm just like loosely watching this as I'm here in the studio the other night. figuring the red carpet is like three hours long.

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The actual gala itself, I don't know what goes on inside the gala. They don't show that part of it, like what goes on once you go inside. But I have read from so many different places that the gala, you go there, you get all dressed up, you spend months and months talking to designers, going to fittings, figuring out what you're going to wear.

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You go down this red carpet, you're photographed a million to a billion times by every single outlet that's ever existed in media, and then some, and then you go into the gala and And it's over in like an hour. People want to leave. They're like, how do I get out of here? They want to leave. In other words, the show is the red carpet, right? That's it. That's all.

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You just want to be photographed there.

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Metropolitan Museum of Art. So whether you care or whether you don't care, that's not the point. One of the things I thought was really funny is that for somehow I got When I Googled Met Gala red carpet, what I got was a live stream going on from the e-network. I figured, okay, e-network, they're known for the red carpet shit. From the e-network called a creator cam.

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Now, this creator cam has a young creator, and I will probably butcher her name, but I will try to say it nonetheless.

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Like a content creator.

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I think so, Chrissy. I'm going to Google it, so I make sure that I don't. First of all, it was raining there. So since it was raining there, there was a lot of delay in what was going on. It was like pouring down rain.

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So there was a lot of delay, and a lot of celebrities were having trouble getting in and making sure that they didn't get wet, and then being photographed, they had to move the red carpet and all this other stuff. So this poor content creator, Chrissy... She had the worst live stream I have ever seen. From a television network, this was a zero.

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I know the Catholic Church is up to some hanky-panky, but I don't think they're biting the ear of the Pope. This group of people, they donate a lot of money. And so they have a lot of influence. And what I did not know until I started reading about it, partly in the Italian media, translated into English because I have no idea how to speak Italian.

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From a content creator, this was on par with anything we've ever done. This is like commercial break level bad. This poor woman had the worst luck, cameraman, audio... opportunity to talk to celebrities. Here's what I imagine happened. They call this... Let me see if I can... Hold on one second. I want to see if I can say this girl's name correctly.

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That way we give her her credit because I don't think any of this was her fault. None of it. I don't think any of it was her fault. I think this just happened to be... She got this assignment. E, creator cam.

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Here's what it seemed to be. Flouge Johnson, I think is her name. Flouge Johnson. Okay, now I'm probably messing that name up. It's F-L-A-U apostrophe J-A-E Johnson. Flouge. Flouge. That's a weird name, but, you know, kind of cool. Flouge Johnson Johnson. Oh, she's from America's Got Talent. She was a 14-year-old rapper six years ago. Okay, so she's young, right? She's 20 years old.

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Okay, so I imagine this is what happens. E calls her and says, you're a great creator. We love you. We want you to be an additional stream on our channels to do some interviews as people are walking by and let the people out there in the universe know what's going on. Like the... Kind of like this organic.

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Yeah, man on the streets in the style of vodcasting or live streaming on Instagram or whatever. E's trying to get help with the kids and they're trying to make this look cool. And she just got shit on from the moment that this started to the moment that it ended. It was terrible. First of all, it took a full 17 minutes for the stream to even start.

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It was just like this picture that said Met Gala E Creator Cam. What I noticed about a lot of other places is it seemed like they had two, the Met had two reporters on the carpet that just said on the little microphone thing said Met Gala. And then anybody that was able to pick up the stream and they were the official like Met Gala red carpet people. So I don't think Flage here was a part of that.

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And therefore she got no attention whatsoever. Listen to a couple of minutes of this. Let's let's listen to how it starts.

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No. That's her. This all starts with her having this conversation with a camera person that's out of the thing. This all starts really bad because she's just grabbing questions out of a handbag. She's very pretty. She's got a great dress on. Now they hand her the microphone and they say, okay, let's go do some celebrity interviews. Okay.

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Is that the nine days in between the funeral and the conclave, there is a lot of lobbying that goes on to press people to vote a certain way for the new pope. Now, I guess this is, you know, again, not really that surprising. We're human and this is what humans do. We try and, you know, put our spin on things. We want things our way. We're bratty little fuck ups. We're bratty little fuck tards.

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This is a major network putting this on. And what you see is her assistant is running around scrambling to figure out what to do. Flow Jay is walking in circles. She has no idea, none clue about what is going on.

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Okay, so she gets an interview within the first couple minutes. Okay, that's good. Okay, that's good. Okay, now, watch this. Okay, so Flow J now has to kill like five or ten minutes because no one's coming to talk to her.

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Wow, it's so beautiful out here. The Met Gala is moving her. They don't want her to stand there.

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Here's what you can't see because you're listening to it. The camera has completely stopped working. It's frozen. So the people at the Met, she's inside of the Met Gala, like, I don't know, entryway or whatever. She was standing doing an interview and the Met Gala pushed her out. They said, no, you got to go somewhere else. You're with E! Network. You got to go somewhere else.

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No? Yes, it always rains, Plow J. Every time the Met Gala comes, it rains. It's standard protocol.

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It's the raining, the wind, the fact that they have no location for her to be there. Now, okay, a couple minutes later, I'm fast forwarding. The cameraman just wanders off. And her microphone is wide open. Like, the stream does not disconnect. Her microphone is wide open. And you hear her assistant and her start to, like, argue. Her assistant's apologizing for all of this drama. Yeah, yeah.

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She has no place to stand. She has nowhere to go. She has nothing to kill time with. There are no celebrities to talk to or no celebrities stopping to talk to her. It's raining outside. It's windy and cold. She has no idea what to do. Chrissy, I felt so bad for Flow J. You want to know why?

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Because this is an episode of the commercial break happening right on E's fucking website, one of the largest entertainment outlets in the world.

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Look, the cameraman just wanders off.

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This looks like every party that I have ever been to. And that is this. I walk in expecting that I'm going to walk the red carpet. People are going to welcome me in. I'm going to have a few beers with George Clooney. You know what I'm saying? I got all these expectations. And I get to like every big event that I've ever been to. I get into the room. And then what happens?

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The guy can't even pronounce my name right. It's Brian's Greens from a commercial's break. By the way, bold choice by the guy in the video right now. You can see this on commercial break. Bold choice wearing shorts. Yeah, like Tommy Boy shorts.

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That's what we do. But this group of people here in the United States, this something of St. Peter, they have promised to raise over a billion dollars if they can just get the pope they want to get, which apparently is one of the cardinal of Boston or whoever that guy is that everybody's so in love with. And that just surprises the shit out of me that it's so transparently bought and paid for.

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By the way, this looks like a back room of the Met Gala. Why is Whoopi Goldberg just walking around the back room of the Met Gala? There are no other celebrities around. There are people in jeans hanging out. Okay, so. So Flo J talks to Whoopi for just a couple of seconds and then Whoopi's assistant comes up and pushes her away. Poor girl. Oh my gosh, Chrissy, this is like so embarrassing.

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Should we walk back? Here's a little advice to E! News. If you're going to put a creator, if you're going to stick some chum in the water with the sharks, give the poor girl a fucking chance. Put her on the red carpet. Make sure that there is someone there who has already communicated with celebrities or PR people that they're going to be able to talk to her. Because Flow J looks like a...

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flop in this video, but it's not her fault. It's all the other people around her, the cameraman that's wandering away, standing in front of a door that's wide open, windy and raining. You know, this girl came beautifully dressed, ready to rock. You gave her no content to work with. You give her no interviews to do.

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You give her a cameraman that's got ADD of the epic proportions and an assistant that just keeps on apologizing live on the microphone.

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And E, listen, I know you've been doing this for a long time and everyone's entitled to a fuck up here and there. But if you're going to do this and you want some professionals to fuck it up, talk to Brian and Chrissy. Chrissy will go to the Met Gala directly after she shows up from Riverview. She'll go right to the Met Gala. Let's talk more about the Met Gala when we get back. We'll take a break.

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Okay, so then you go to, so we're talking about the Met Gala, then you go to this like live on the red carpet Met Gala thing that, like I said, it appears to me that the Met Gala is just putting one feed together that everybody can pull from.

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Give me a shout out and some thank you. Let's look at some of these fashions.

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Well, that's what it says. But if you go to like all the other ones, they're the exact same thing. That's why I think just like a White House press briefing room, I think they all pull from the same feed maybe.

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Fashion oftentimes pushes the envelope and makes people think in ways that are weird and wild and wonderful. So I kind of have a little bit of a soft spot for the fashion industry. Some might call me a fashionista myself. I don't know if I'm wearing Le Gap with Le Joes and Le Targay. Yeah. A bit of a fashionista myself, Chrissy.

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Are they at different hotels?

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Oh, so they're – maybe because of the rain, they were just like coming out of the hotels or something. Very mindful. Love it. Very demure. That is Gigi Hadid. Very mindful, very demure. It's giving me, giving me. What is it giving you, Chrissy?

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It's giving me cat that just ate a steak but has to take a big shit. What's it giving you, Chrissy?

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It's giving you leather? Is it giving you enlarged clitoris vibes? Because it's giving me pinky finger in the butt vibes. That's what it's giving me, Chrissy. Pinky finger in the butt. That's not a bad thing. I'm just saying. It's giving me flowers on your birthday from the boyfriend who just dumped you. That's what it's giving me. What's it giving you?

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Do you know what I'm saying? You would think that in the steps of Jesus Christ, the guy who literally walked around touching lepers open sores and just like bemoaned any kind of notoriety, had no interest in wealth or fame, was like the most humble. He'd probably be surprised we're even still talking about him. Like, I think that would be something he would not be interested in.

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What's it giving you? It's giving me a headache. That's what it's giving me. I listened to like two hours of this. And these people, every time that someone came out, they would be like, it's giving me, it's giving me. Yeah. It's giving me.

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It's not the worst way to explain something, but it's giving me, I think is a, is a phrase that might be a little bit burnt out sometimes. Yeah. And some of this fashion is really beautiful and some of it is just bad. It's just dumb. Yeah. I mean, I guess that's just fashion in general, right? Um, would you go to the Met Gala?

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If someone invited you to the Met Gala.

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Yeah, now they're at the Mark Hotel. I wonder why they go to all these different hotels. I thought it was like one big red carpet in front of the Met Gala.

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They did it under the awnings at the hotels. That is Cynthia Erivo right there in a rather stunning cape thing, dress.

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I did see Diana Ross's cape. That was insane.

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Yeah. I just don't... Something that irritates me a little bit sometimes about fashion, nothing against Cynthia or Diana Ross, is that when you have to travel with a crew of people to hold you up, do you know what I'm saying? It's like a train at a... Did you have a train on your dress? I can't remember.

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Yeah. I've been to some weddings where it's like five or six people that are holding a train, like dragging the train behind them. And I don't know, but there's something a little bit irritating about that. It kind of like breaks the mystery of the fashion, like the breaks, the allure of the dress or something like that. Like, look at this. Here's Cynthia Erivo. Dressed beautifully.

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Stunning in this whatever outfit she's wearing. And then you've got some dude in the background with glasses and a moppy head of hair. Holding. Like underneath her cape. Yeah. Just holding it up in the air.

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That is a long cape. Remember when Katy Perry rolled out the lyrics to her album or whatever it was on the back of her cape? She had like a train that like rolled out the back of the lyrics to her album. Yeah. Yeah, good old Katie. I didn't see Katy Perry at the Met Gala this year. Maybe her invitation was rescinded.

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Well, I think her next – she did two shows in Mexico City, and then I think that was like practice for the North American tour that comes up. And if the practice in Mexico City is any indication of what people can expect coming up, I think you should ask for your money back because that was terrible. I know.

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It's got to be a joke, right? I mean, is – I don't know. It seemed unhinged. Are we in on one of the biggest pop star jokes ever? Or are we on the outside looking into one of the biggest crashes of a pop star ever?

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Because between the rocket I didn't even want to call it a ride. Between the roller coaster ride they took and Steve and Jeff Bezos' little projectile thing. Between that and the images that came out of that Mexico City concert where she was literally playing with lightsabers on stage. She had a talking poop that was singing with her. Did you see that part?

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But this whole religion that goes along the word of Jesus Christ, and they're trying to sway influence with billions of, literally billions of dollars that they're putting in people's pockets, lining the pockets of the Vatican so that they can have some sway and influence over who the next pope is. Now, listen, to a lot of Catholics, the next pope is an important decision to be made. Why? No.

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She had a toilet that was maybe...

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4X, yes. A toilet that was 4X the size of a regular toilet. She was sitting on little steps at the top of the toilet bowl, the actual bowl where the shit goes in, and then up popped a puppet shit that was human-sized, and it was singing along with her to one of her songs.

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So Katie really... pushing the envelope as far as pop stardom is concerned and then you see someone like lady gaga lady gaga who is just as ostentatious and weird and wild as katie has ever been but in a different way like a more like cutting bruising dark way and she had over two million

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A million people, by some estimates, two million people showed up in Rio to watch her do a concert, which is insanity. Two million human beings in Rio?

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They arrested like four or five people who were going to do some damage at that concert or who intended to do some damage at that concert. And thank God that didn't happen because that sea of human beings. First of all, you and I went to Pearl Jam. that had another concert next door. And it took us an hour and a half to get a half a mile outside of the vicinity.

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Can you imagine going to a concert with two million fucking people? That's insane. A big saludes to Lady Gaga, who has certainly reached the very pinnacle of stardom. Because first of all, they said it's the largest audience ever by a female artist. And I don't know who had a bigger crowd.

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At the same location? Is that what Rio does? I think that's what they do.

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I think she might have, yeah.

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So there's a video going around. Maybe I'll find it. Maybe I'll see if I can link to it. There's a video going around of... Lady Gaga doing her soundcheck the night before. And there are hundreds of thousands of people. So imagine there's a huge stage on the beach, and then there's maybe like three football field large gated area right in front of the stage that I guess is the ticketed area.

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Like you got tickets, you can go a little bit closer. It's three football fields. It's huge. Gotcha. And it's blocked off. And then outside that, so there's nobody standing in the front of the stage for three football fields. And then outside the stage, there are hundreds of thousands of people in the buildings, on the streets, hanging off the lampposts.

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Trying to watch the... No, they're singing along with her during the soundcheck.

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So they're drowning her out because they are singing so loud that she can't even hear herself. I would imagine I wouldn't even be able to hear myself. What a feeling that must be. Chrissy and Brian one time almost sold four seats at the Daniel Point Improv. In Dania Point.

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We're close. We're close to knowing that feeling. Yeah, we came close to knowing what it feels like.

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I actually think we'd probably sell more tickets in Rio than we would at Dania Point, Dania Beach, whatever it's called. For some reason, I feel like the people of Rio might embrace us. Well, they would go, why not? I mean, you know, it's free. Let's go. But then, you know, Lady Gaga has however many, I would imagine 50,000, 60,000, 75,000 people pay. And then another...

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I guess because they can have some influence over the doctrine or the way that the church goes or things that they do or the rules of the church. If you're Brian Greene, the rules of the Catholic Church were made to be broken. I made out with somebody as an altar boy during one of the church services. I am certainly going to hell if this is the way it goes. I'm certainly going to hell.

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1.789 million people show up on the beach. How do you even hear when you're that far back? I don't think it matters to the Brazilians. I think they're like, fuck this.

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Great party. Let's go. Or maybe they play it on the radio or something and you can listen to your headphones. Or maybe they do put speakers all the way back there. I don't know. But it was just amazing to me. It gave me chills to see the video of that because... And then there's like a part that they showed where at the end of the concert, toward the end of the concert, she's singing a song.

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All of her backup dancers are standing around her. She's sitting on the stage and she's ending the song and she's like sobbing. She's crying. And somebody put on Instagram the moment when you realize there's no higher to go. Right. It's like, that's it. What else do you do? What it must be like. What it must be like to be actually enjoyed by somebody. You know, we'll get there.

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And God bless Flo Jay. Flo Jay, however you say that name. And I'm sorry if I'm... I am slaughtering it, probably. But I'm sorry about that. But God bless her. I didn't feel like, holy shit, this girl's embarrassing herself. I felt like, holy shit, this girl got hung out to dry.

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Yeah. That was wrong. You're E! Entertainment. You can figure this out. If you can figure out how to put... What's that weatherman's got Al Roker. If you can figure out how to get Al Roker on the red carpet, you can figure out how to get plow J an interview or two. All right. Don't leave her out to dry. Anyway, uh, do us a favor, please, please, please.

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If you're listening to us on Apple specifically or Spotify, go follow us and rate the show. I don't care what you rate it. Rated a one rated a zero rated a five rated something. Just rate it. Do us a favor and do that. 12 hours of TCB coming to you May 31st. It's a Saturday. Chrissy and I are going to be here for 12 straight hours doing commercial break episodes. We'll have celebrity guests.

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We're going to be talking about mental health awareness. We're going to be celebrating five years of the commercial break, six seasons of the commercial break. And all for you, my friends. All for you. And just to see if we can do it, to be quite frank. It's a feat of endurance that I'm hoping that we can accomplish.

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Yes. To celebrate Mental Health Awareness Month, we are going to drive ourselves crazy. And you too, probably. So there you go. Tune in May 31st. Mark your calendars. That's a Saturday. Add The Commercial Break on Instagram. TCB Podcast on TikTok. YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break for all of the episodes on video. Same day they are here on the audio. 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822.

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Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, we take them all at that phone number. And TCBpodcast.com for your free TCB sticker.

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But, you know, hey, listen, in, I guess, 2025, everything's just Bitcoin. That's what we're doing. It's just Bitcoin. I'll pay you a billion in Bitcoin. Popcorn. Anyway, habeas pompum, Chrissy. Merry habeas pompum. Merry habeas pompum. May it be quick and painless. May the white smoke... Puff from the phallic chimney of the Vatican sooner rather than later.

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Oh, the stickers. We'll talk about that tomorrow. Okay, Christy, that's all I can do for today. I think so. I'll tell you that I love you. And I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Christy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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Yeah, that's not happening.

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Yeah, because there's like 133 – I got the stats here. Hold on one second. Let's look. 133 cardinal electors are present and able to vote. They're all in the Sistine Chapel. The Sistine Chapel and the Vatican in general has cell phone blockers, technologies that don't – they really have just – Essentially, either one big fucking rave is happening in that Sistine Chapel right now.

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Do you know what I'm saying? I hope so. Like one big hot party is going on there. That would be fun. It's like the once in a lifetime the Cardinals get to go and just defrock themselves, like let their frocks down.

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Open the frock. That's right. It's an open frock party. You know, frock optional, I guess. That's the best way to put it. It's a frock optional party. It's like the once in a lifetime, twice in a lifetime, these old gentlemen will get to do this. Or it's really important stuff that's going on behind there. I haven't seen the movie, still haven't seen the movie. Why?

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Because there's no time in my day, Chrissy. I love you, but the lives that we live are so radically and vastly opposite of each other.

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They are. You're at Mempho for five days, three of which are just recovery. I'm lucky if I get an hour-long recovery in any day of my life. That's just the way that it is. By the time I end my day, I really am not interested in using my brain for any additional thinking. So that's why I put on stupid bullshit comedies to go to sleep to.

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I have not caught up on the Polly family yet. I will be watching that today as I'm working on the show and the 40 hours of TCB or whatever the fuck we've agreed to do here. But the conclave I hear is a pretty accurate representation of what goes on. But how do they know? I guess cardinals have, you know, I guess some people have loose lips and they talk. They weigh in.

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Yeah. And so the way that it goes is it's literally – John Lithgow. John Lithgow. I vote him for pope. You see where Trump put that picture of himself on Twitter? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah. I mean, I'm not like, whatever. Anyway, I'm going to move past it. It's a blind vote. So all of them literally scribble on a piece of paper, throw it into a box.

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Not the Walmart sweatpants today, but this is one of those risks you take in fashion that either work out or don't. When I put on those Walmart sweatpants, I feel like I win more often than I lose. I'm just saying. That's all I got to say.

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Then the Carmen on Ganglo or something, some guy, there's some guy that's in charge. He, you know, tallies up the votes and there you go. And onto the next vote. And then they vote again and they vote again. I think they vote up to three times a day until they get a consensus.

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And I imagine the first, you know, 10 of these are just a clusterfuck of people voting for themselves, voting for their friend, voting for the person, you know, I don't know.

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Oh, yeah, okay, so you vote for yourself. That's what I do. You know, my dad, I always, not always, but for, like, the fourth grade through eighth grade, I would run for, like, student council.

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president vice president secretary yeah but there were like 12 kids in my class so you know all of us were going to get a position or something along those lines there was like four positions available there were like 40 kids in our class total in our class split into two classrooms and um you know you'd make the signs and the pins and the posters and brian yeah vote for brian

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And I don't know why I wanted this. I think I just felt – I almost think I felt like it was obligatory. You know, everybody else was going to do it, so I did it. And up until sixth grade, I was an extraordinarily shy kid. Didn't have a lot of friends. Still don't have a lot of friends. It's true. It's true. My friends are my kids. And you. And you. And Rafa.

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But I feel more like I'm just an Uber driver for Rafa. But anyway, I'll move past that also. So I put all of this – together, you know, with all the pins and the, you know, I think we made my, my mom helped me make cookies and you pass out the cookies, vote for Brian.

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And the day comes, and it basically goes, the kid who gets the most votes is president, the kid who gets the second most votes, vice president, secretary, and then, you know, liaison, whatever.

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That's how it worked.

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No, because when you're in fourth grade, I mean, what wisdom are you going to impart on anybody? And how are you going to influence the school in any meaningful way? I think this is just an exercise in getting ready for the future, maybe in high school when you might actually be able to do something as the school – I don't know, student council. Treasurer. Yeah, treasurer.

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I thought this was good for everybody. Let's all smoke a cigarette after class in the church nonetheless. So the day comes. I don't know what grade this is in, fifth or sixth grade. The day comes. I didn't win my first couple of times. They don't tell you the votes, but I didn't win. But one of the years, maybe sixth grade, maybe seventh grade,

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Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene, this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

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There's a tie for like secretary, which is, you know, the lowest of it, the liaison, the secretary or whatever it is. There's a tie. And it's Brian and this other kid. There's a tie. OK, great. So we're going to hold a re-vote.

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Making things interesting. We're going to hold a re-vote. It's going to be tomorrow. You have one day to convince people that you're the guy for the job. And I lost and I think I lost badly, actually, because I really wasn't good at that politicking thing. But it's all about how to make friends and get influence on people.

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And the kid that I was up against who shall remain nameless, the name I shall never speak again because he beat me for student council secretary in sixth grade. He just was so much more popular than I was. And listen, there's only going to be one kid in class. And we asked her and I were talking about this.

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Popularity is a double edged sword because, you know, you think about you look at your kids and you go, oh, you know, are they popular? Are they not popular? Does it even really matter? Because there's only like two or three kids in the entirety of the class who are actually going to be popular. And everyone else is just, you know, they're the most popular.

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And then everyone else is going to be wanting to be the most popular. It's got to be the exact same thing with this conclave. You take a vote. Oh, I wanted to say this. My dad said to me on that day that I was going in for that recount vote, he said, vote for yourself. And I said, I'm not going to vote for myself, dad. He said, you always vote for yourself. Don't vote for anyone else.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Habeas pum pum. The conclave has begun. Extra omnes, as they say. Everybody out is the word that they use when it's time to start the conclave. Extra omnes. You have to leave. And the security at the conclave is very tight, from what I understand.

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Vote for yourself. You could be the deciding vote. Right. And I was like, yes. And here's why it made sense, like a couple of days after this whole thing had gone down and I had gotten over the disappointment of losing four years in a row for anything for student council, is that there was a tie for that secretary position and I did not vote for myself.

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So had I voted for myself, I would have never had to go through the embarrassment of not – of clearly being the least popular kid in this arrangement. Yeah. These guys, they probably vote. A lot of them vote for themselves, I would imagine. And then they vote for the buddy. And then slowly but surely, just like a jury would, like a hung jury, people start to convince people.

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Backdoor conversations. Who brought the better ecstasy to the party? You know, that guy likes Moby. That guy likes Steve Akiyoki. You know, Akiyoki. Yeah. It starts to whittle down into this situation where there's some clear frontrunners, and then eventually you get a majority vote.

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Yeah. And the last time that we did this, now we've been privy to this twice in our lives, the last time that they did this, if I'm not mistaken, it took like a month or a month and a half for them to vote, not Benedict, but the last one. Who was the one before? Francis. Oh, no. This was Francis. That was Benedict.

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It took them like a month and a half to vote Benedict, who was after Pope John Paul. So we'll see how it all plays out. It's very interesting to me. I'm not interested in the actual dogma of the religion, but all of this pomp and circumstance and secrecy and palace intrigue, it kind of does tickle my taint a little bit. I've got to be honest. No pun intended, Catholic Church.

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It does tickle my taint a little bit. I am a little interested in how this all goes down. Yeah. And there's, they're already talking about some front runners. I don't know any of them. Nor do I care. I don't have a dog in the fight. It's not like, Oh, I really hope this guy wins for Pope. You know what I'm saying? But it's interesting how they're talking about them.

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The Italian press taking pictures of this guy talking to that guy and that guy talking to this guy and this guy meeting with a billionaire and that guy meeting with, you know, this Cardinal. It's very interesting, Chrissy. There's a lot of, uh, intrigue going around about habeas pumpum. And so I will habeas pumpum.

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Oh, I will be your correspondent. I'm the perfect guy to be a correspondent for the Catholic Church. A reformed Catholic. A reformed Irish Catholic from Chicago. Speaking of Stevie Aikiyoki, didn't you see Stevie Aikiyoki? I did, yes. The Riverby Music Festival?

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But I think at the end of the day, Frankie B is like the gold ring of getting in.

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That's right. Don't meet your heroes. I have asked a guy to come on. who made the rounds over the summer. I think the popularity has faded because I don't see as many of his reels out there now. But he's a guy who makes music, and he sings songs about his ex-girlfriend, but his voice is not good. The music is not great. It's very nonlinear.

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But the problem is, all of that stuff, I think you could auto-tune your way into something. The lyrics that he writes are not really lyrics. They're like conversations that he's had with his ex-girlfriend. He'd be like, you know, I broke up with you or you broke up with me because you said we didn't do fun stuff. But that one night I was on the couch with you.

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We were watching Netflix and it was really great because Love is Blind is our favorite show. Not a bit of irony. The guy was not joking. This wasn't a joke. This was like he was singing these songs, but he was just talking like the lyrics were just him talking. And everybody went crazy. I mean, he had hundreds of thousands of views on these videos and these songs.

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And I tried desperately to get him on. But I think at the end of the day, he probably listened to the show and was like, yeah, I'm not going on to be made fun of. That's not going to happen. There's lots of Internet. I mean, I think Hawk to a girl would be someone that I would bring on the show, though she's not obscure. She's pretty popular. She's pretty famous. Let's put it that way.

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But I would love to get in her head. Because Hawk to a girl, let's – or who's the girl who does the – what's her name? The girl that does the crazy dancing and drinking that I – I don't know. Anyway, you get it.

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Yeah, but there's one specifically we've been talking about a lot, but now I can't remember her name because we haven't talked about her in a while. We haven't talked about her in a while. Haktua Girl, I think, would be an interesting internet celebrity.

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Well, I'd just like to dig into not only what a shit show Haktua Coin was and all the things that she is hocking as Haktua Girl from, you know, beats on a beats website. Like, she literally has her own beats. Oh, really? She makes her own beats like drops to the altcoin, to the meme coin, to the t-shirts.

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Well, she has been talking about it. She showed back up and she did a...

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podcast her own podcast where she brought on some people to grill her about this and she there was no nothing else was answered she didn't she just kind of dodged all the questions but even the people who were there as you know crypto experts were like dude this was a total rug job like you you really screwed a lot of people here but I what I think is more interesting the angle that is more interesting is what it's like to get so famous so fast and

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And how you handle that. She got an agent at WME, and then they signed her to a big podcast deal. And this all happens basically overnight. She goes from complete obscurity to someone that everybody knows. And that's got to be a hard thing to do. Okay, so that's all the listener questions about the commercial break. But now, here, let me give you one. That is a relationship question.

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This is Brad, I guess is his name. My girlfriend talks in her sleep. And a couple of nights ago, she had a full-blown romantic conversation. Oh, no. His name isn't Brad. Excuse me. He doesn't give his name. She had a full-blown romantic conversation with a guy named Brad. I don't know who Brad is. She swears she has no idea who he is.

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But now I am stuck wondering, do I confront her about the dream boyfriend or just accept that I am in a weird love triangle with her subconsciousness? That is an interesting question.

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Yeah, true. First of all, I'm going hunting on all of her social media for Brad connections, right? That is happening for sure.

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Yeah, if it's happening more than once.

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Yeah, if there is a guy making a repeat appearance, then he definitely is in her head. And for some reason, you might want to dig in. And listen, you can't control your subconsciousness. As much as I'd like to say that I have never dreamed about another woman since I met Astrid, that's not true, right? Because, and I can't control it.

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About Jack White?

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Oh, was Jack White giving you the slinky seven?

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And then he was touching your boobs.

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Oh, yeah, yeah, probably. Yeah. Yeah, well, listen.

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Yes. When I first met Astrid, when Astrid first came here to live with me, we got married. I had a series of dreams over the course of a month about Lisa Kudrow from Friends. Oh, you did?

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And I was so – it was as if Lisa Kudrow and I had actually had sex.

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And I was so weirded out. I could not get her out of my head. And I got to be honest, I wasn't a huge Friends watcher when it came out. I have not done the rewatch. I've probably seen a lot of episodes by default because it's been everywhere forever. But Lisa Kudrow is the last of the girls. Yeah, it was not the one. It was Jennifer Aniston every time.

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I mean, and I wasn't even all that attracted to Courtney Cox, but she might be the second. It's not that Lisa wasn't attractive. Of course she was. But something in my brain turned Lisa Kudrow into the world's sexiest woman. but not Lisa Kudrow now or Lisa Kudrow, the actress, the girl from friends, Phoebe, right? She was Phoebe. It was Phoebe and that smelly cat.

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And we were having sex like multiple times in my dreams. And it was really weird. And I could not get it out of my head for a couple of weeks. This went on. So you can't control your subconscious. Obviously I'm not sleeping with Lisa Kudrow, but you know, or Phoebe, either of them. Uh, I wish I could, uh, I will tell you right now that I don't think you can control your subconscious.

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So if she's telling you that I don't know who Brad is and I have no idea why I'm saying his name, I'd take that on face value and just, you know, run with that, right?

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Yeah, that's right. Unless she brings home some of her coworkers and Brad shows up at the front door. Hey, I'm Brad. Yeah. I work in the office next to your wife. Then you might have some problems. But okay. All right, listen. We got to get Betty on the phone. Betty works for or worked for, we'll get some clarity on that, for the Great Wolf Lodge. She's got a few stories to share with us.

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These may be cautionary tales. I'm telling you what. By the way, I'm not trying to poo-poo on the Great Wolf Lodge. It's a great place to take the kids and kill a day or two or whatever it is. But... We all know what goes on. And let's not try and pretend Great Wolf Lodge is something that it's not. And I've told you about my story. I'd like to hear about other people's experiences.

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Especially an insider. An insider. Someone that works there. So let's take a break. And when we get back, we'll talk more about it.

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And taking a listener phone call now, Betty from the Midwest is here with us.

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Hi, Betty.

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Hey. Well, thanks for calling in. We certainly do appreciate it. Betty was texting us because Betty was explaining that at one time she actually worked for Great Wolf Records.

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The inside scoop on the Great Wolf Lodge. And I said, you have to call in because I have to hear more about the inner workings of the Great Wolf Lodge, one of my least favorite vacations that I've ever taken. But it wasn't the worst vacation I've ever taken, that's for sure.

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But you've got to understand, as an adult with small children, it was a little strange to see full-grown adults sitting at the bar boozing themselves greatly to great effect while – While everybody else ran around, you know, peeing in the pool.

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Oh, you don't.

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We'll send you some more.

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Please do.

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Okay, text us your address and then Astrid will be happy to send you some pictures. I mean, some stickers and pictures. Astrid likes to send listeners pictures, but maybe you're not her flavor. I don't know. How long have you been listening to the show?

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Oh, when we were 15 episodes in? You're kidding me. Thank you for sticking with us. Wow, Betty, I had no idea that you were listening for that. I had no idea anybody was listening for that.

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Yeah, we figured people had turned over many times. Wow. No, I stuck around. Okay, so how long did you work with the Great Wolf Lodge? I mean, how long have you been associated with the Great Wolf Lodge?

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You're on your sixth year. And let's start with this question. Do you think people are absolutely the worst after working for the Great Wolf Lodge for six years?

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So in other words, when you're interacting with just one person, they tend to be nice. But when a group of people is together, they're dismissive. And the group think mentality takes over and people start becoming real shitheads. Is what I experienced at the Great Wolf Lodge also.

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Is that everything just kind of went wild. Yes. Like they went wild when they couldn't get their pizza in five minutes, but it was everybody working everybody else up is really what was going on. What is it?

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Yeah, I think it's, you know, I think it's well documented group think mentality takes over and people, you know, one person gets irritated. It can let energy can literally pass on to the next person.

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So it does. So tell me, give me like a little slice of some of the experiences that you've seen from the Great Wolf Lodge that would make us all turn our stomachs.

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I like those too.

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Okay. Why don't you do this? Why don't you give us one? Let's do it in this order and we'll see if we have enough time to get through three. Why don't you go gross, Karen, we'll end it on a high note with wholesome.

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What?

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Oh, no. How do you get behind a skee-ball machine?

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Oh, God. This sounds like, you know, Venice after flooding. This is like, this sounds really fucking gross. So, Betty.

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Oh, the carpets are terrible. Oh, no. A carpet. I said this the second that I walked into that place. It had carpeting, which, in general, in hotel rooms, I have learned... You know, it used to be that when I was a kid and we got to a hotel room, it was the best thing in the world. The smell of chlorine and bleach and the pool. Like, something about a hotel just got all of us brothers so excited.

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We loved to stay at a hotel room. We take our shoes off and run around the hotel room like every kid would. But now.

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And I'm trying not to pass this germophobia onto my kids. But now when they take their shoes off in a hotel room, I'm kind of like, put your shoes back on. Put a socks on or something. Because I know. Socks. Socks. I know just like every other adult knows that that carpet, if that hotel is more than a year old, has seen all kinds of DNA on it. All kinds of DNA. And I don't want to do with it.

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So, it's a crime scene. I bet. I bet. So, was management alerted quickly? Was the situation taken care of quickly? Or did it take some time to figure out what had happened? Or was the security keeping an eye on these boys?

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Oh, my God. Your poor coworker. Your poor coworker. These are the people.

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But now, and I'm trying not to pass this germophobia onto my kids, but now when they take their shoes off in a hotel room, I'm kind of like, put your shoes back on. Put a socks on or something. Because I know. Socks. Socks. I know just like every other adult knows that that carpet, if that hotel is more than a year old, has seen all kinds of DNA on it. All kinds of DNA.

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Yeah, yeah.

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Oh, my God. I just can't even think of the minutia. Those little shitheads. Those little fucking twats.

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Oh, that's the worst. You know, I don't... Like, sometimes when you're on a road trip and you stop at the rest stop, you know, generally, if the rest stops are maintained, generally, there's like a 24-hour maintenance person that's there that's cleaning. God bless those human beings who are doing that because that is the worst of the worst. But what gets me...

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Every time I go to a truck stop or a rest stop or whatever it is, what gets me is not that people shit, that it smells bad or whatever. That's everybody shits. It's stuff on the walls. It's the shit on the walls. And I'm like, how did you, how possibly could you have gotten it up there? How did that happen? You have to purposefully be aiming in that direction or something. I don't know.

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Because I have never been one that has ever thought about shooting shit on a wall. It's fucking disgusting.

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They're like little monkeys. They are little monkeys, 10-year-olds. So did those kids get kicked out of the Great Wolf Lodge? Was there any conversation with the boy? Because I imagine if security has it on camera, then you have an idea of who did it, right? You see their picture.

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Yeah, but this is the best story they've ever told as a 10-year-old. They're all running around school telling the story about the time little Timmy shit on the wall of the skee-ball machine in Great Wolf Lodge. Can I ask you a question while we're on pee-pee-poo-poo? Yes. How clean are those pools? Is it like the people who work there, do they have a general understanding?

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I mean, I understand there's a ton of chlorine in those pools, like a ton. You can smell it. It burns your nose, right? And I'm sure they keep those chlorine levels at such high levels that no bacteria could survive more than a couple seconds. But how many times a day do little kids shit in the pool?

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Yeah, of course you do.

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And I don't want to do with it.

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No, you can't drain a pool. You've got to just get it out of there. Cycle it. Yeah, put chemicals in it and cycle it.

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No, of course not. This isn't Caddy Shack. When you have an AFR, an accidental fecal release... I'm just – Tina's laughing so hard. When you have an accidental fecal – it's making me laugh. When you have an accidental fecal release in one – so the Great Wolf Lodge that I came to here or went to here in Georgia, there is the wave pool. There is the kid pool. There is the water slides.

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So it's a crime scene.

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I'm sure they're all very similar in that sense. When you have an AFR in one pool, does everybody have to get out to the entire Great Wolf Lodge water park? Does everybody just have to leave? Or just that pool? It's just that pool?

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Okay. And they all have their separate filtration systems. Okay. Okay, good. Okay, that's all right. All right. Somebody's somebody's working on it. Listen, you know, it wasn't the most like I and I think I mentioned this on the show where I talked about my experience with Great Wolf Lodge. It wasn't the messy place. It was well kept.

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It was just no seeing some of the people that were running around in there. One 10 year old boy running around literally with his ass hanging out in the water. I was like, I'm in ass water right now. That's what I'm in. I'm in ass water. I'm in somebody else's asshole water right now. And that kind of skeeved me out a little bit.

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Has Great Wolf Lodge ever considered putting that chemical in the pool that turns pee a different color? No. I don't know. That would be a good idea. I don't know.

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It's real. You can get that. You can get it at the pool store. But it doesn't work in all circumstances and it has to be at high levels of concentration. You can put it in the pool and it'll stay there for like 30 minutes. But then it eventually gets filled. The chlorine overtakes it and whatever. I don't know. There's some technical shit. Okay. That is a pretty disgusting story.

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I'm thoroughly grossed out. I hate pee-pee-poo-poo and I definitely dislike puke. And God bless the people who have... Do you hear me, listener? I don't imagine anybody at TCB who's listening to TCB. I like to think of our listeners as a very pragmatic, common sense, kind people who aren't adding to the drama of the universe.

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But if there's one of you out there, or you have little shitheads, you have little yous that are running out there acting like you... Can you please put a cap on the bullshit? Because somebody out there in the universe has to clean up after your little chitlins. And no one wants to clean pee-pee-poo-poo off of the skee-ball machine. No one. But that's somebody's job. That is somebody's job.

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Yeah, I would think so. It always gets me that like the people who do the most amount of work for us in the service industry are the people who are likely to get paid the least. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm not complaining because I was a bartender, but bartenders can bring home 100, 200, $300, maybe more in a night, depending on what restaurant you're in.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chrissy Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chrissy. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of The Commercial Break. Hey, listen. I want to make today all about listeners.

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And we're just talking to hot chicks and making cocktails all night long, right? But the guy who's cleaning – the busboy who's cleaning up all the tables and the bathrooms and all that other stuff is making like 10 percent of our tips, right? It always seemed a little bit – I guess that's just the way of the world. Okay. So tell us – I don't want to go on a tangent, not while you're here, Betty.

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I'm trying to be nice while you're here. Okay.

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I get no respect on my own show.

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But I guess I have no one to blame but myself. No, you're good. Okay, so now tell us a Karen story, because God, do I love Karen stories.

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Oh, God. We might do both of them. Okay, do the Christian boys first. Let's do Christian boys first.

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Yeah. Little Hitler youth. Yeah. Okay. Go ahead.

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Oh, my God. I'd be mad. I'd be so mad if this was happening.

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Yeah. Or a child or whatever. It's just rude behavior. Or it could break something. Of course.

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Listeners, listeners, listeners. You, the listeners. I want to waste no time.

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I bet this happens every day at Grateful Wolf Lodge, that there is a group of shitty children, and the parents are just as shitty. Yeah, they're just as shitty. They're just not paying attention. If my son is throwing food in a public area, if one of my kids is doing that, I'm going to yank a knot.

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I'm going to jerk that knot right out of their tail, and they're going to be up in the room for the rest of the vacation.

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It's listener appreciation day. That's right. We're going to be having a listener call in later. One of our first listeners that's ever called in. I know. I am excited, too. We've been texting, interacting for a while. I'm interested to find out how long she's been listening to the show. But she texted us for the first time after she heard my story about the Great Wolf Lodge. Nice.

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Code three is a medical emergency.

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Yeah. There'd be a code. Fist up one of these.

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Fair enough. Safety feature.

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So now they have four of them in each one of the, you know, there's whatever, 10 or 12 kids. Yeah, and four kids in each section?

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So I can only imagine the doors are just stuck because these shitheads keep, you know, there's four of them in there and they can't not.

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I swear.

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They've gone too far. It's enough. Yes. Where are the parents? Where are the parents? There are no parents. Exactly. Where's the chaperone? And now they're causing drama and inconveniencing and making other people upset because no one is there to tell them how to act like fucking human beings.

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Yeah, they're from a church group.

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Because she is an employee or was employed by the Great Wolf Lodge. Not the same one that I went to, but there's a series of them throughout the country.

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Yeah, and she was throwing a bunch of stories out there. And, you know, between me, Astrid, and Christina, who I think interacted with her once or twice. I think interacted with her once or twice. It kind of bubbled up to the top for me, and I was like, oh, yeah, I would like to hear it. I'd like to hear straight from the horse's ass exactly the kind of shenanigans that are going on.

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No way. Of course they were. Of course they were. Because they have no rules. They are lawless little children. I don't know how you feel about this, Betty. But I think that when kids get sheltered in one way, they have to act out. They don't know how to behave. They don't have the place, the time, the...

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appropriate venue to get that kind of energy out so they don't know how to act when they get out in public because they're so sheltered in other parts of their life. I can only imagine, right?

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Oh, yeah, that too. Yeah, you have the right to do this. They're not told no. They're not told no. Do you get this? I can't... First of all, you're an angel. You're an angel. I mean, I know you're doing this for money and you're doing this to feed your family or feed yourself or whatever.

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But at the end of the day, I can't even imagine what it's like to work at one of those places in a time when there's such entitlement. And there's so little pushback on some types of behavior. As a matter of fact, people at the highest levels of our society are acting like these children are acting. No rules, no guardrails, no law, nothing.

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And so everybody, when you can't even point to anybody in our society and say, behave like that, then where are the examples? It's certainly not here on the commercial break, that's for sure. Yeah.

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You do have to have a sense of humor.

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Okay, hold on. Betty, we're going to take a short break, and then when we come back, then we will. I want to hear the wholesome story. We're going to pull this on to another.

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Well, we've got the other Karen story, and we've got a wholesome story. I don't know if we'll have time for both, but give us one second. We're going to take a break. Okay. And then we'll be back.

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I know she does. So that later on in the show. But first, it's been a minute since we did an Ask TCB. So I thought now was a great time to do an Ask TCB. In the meantime, look at how cute one of my daughters is.

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Okay, so Betty, so what I want you to do is I don't know if we have time for both stories. We may have to follow up with Betty because you know what?

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Let's update the Great Wolf Lodge situation. Let's see how shitty humans have gotten since the last time we talked about it. Because you only really will understand just how the depravity of some people in this – that are walking amongst us if you talk to the people whose responsibility is to go around cleaning up their fucking shit. That's it. Literally, their fucking shit. Literally. Right.

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Yeah. And that's it. Or work amongst that, you know, people at their worst, so to speak. And my opinion is, and I've said this many times on the show before, restaurants and people who work in the service industry see people at their worst for a number of reasons. At a hotel and a resort like Betty works at, you see people 24 hours a day and a whole cycle, right? Yeah.

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you see people you're gonna act with them for two or three minutes so they're on their best behavior but when you see somebody at over the course of a day then and on vacation then you catch them at their worst or when they're eating because you have to do it three times a day everybody is picky about what they eat everybody has to guzzle down food and so when you work in a restaurant or cleaning up after people who are in a restaurant then you see the worst of people because people for some reason when it comes to food they just they're we're animals we're absolute animals

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So God bless you, first of all, Betty. Second of all, let's end this on a high note and tell us a wholesome story.

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Mine. You don't get to see it, listener. Mine. That's mine. We're going to keep my kids out of it for right now. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's the best idea, actually.

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Okay, so hold on one second. So let me explain to those who are listening because my kids did this also. Oh, okay, yeah. In the middle of what she's calling Mean Street where all the retail and restaurant and— Adventure Park. Yeah. And the adventure park is they have a like a place where you can pan for gems. They give you a bag. It's full of rocks, mud and sand.

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And then you put it in a pan and you sift it like you were sifting for gold, so to speak. But it's just like a little it's a couple of wood canals that are made coming from a water fountain down into a pool. Right. OK, so go ahead.

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Yes, I did see that.

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That's how they get an extra $100 on you. Yes, I saw it. Yes. I told my kids no. I'm like, no, I'm not doing that.

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I do, but I try to, I don't think I've, maybe once or twice I've said a name. I don't give the ages. You don't even know how many children I really have. No. And I'd prefer to stay that way. Thank you very much.

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I do. Just say that. I do. I have a gaggle. Okay, so let's give some shout-outs to some listeners and let's answer their questions. What I have done is I have put together a series of questions that are specific to you and I, like about the minutiae of the show, about the actual commercial break. And I thought, oh, that's a good one.

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This is what gives me the smallest, things like this give me the smallest amount of faith in some of humanity. Because Betty, whose responsibility it is,

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is to literally clean up after you like you're your mother like she's your mother right and she cares so much about the people who are coming in and out of the place where she works that they have a good time that they don't hurt themselves that it puts a smile on their face so she's willing to take money out of her own pocket to make sure that a father and a daughter have an experience that's not dangerous and that that can like the kid wants i know this because i have the kids that of this age like they want to do this and if they can't do it then to them the world is ending right

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Right. So giving, lending to that experience, allowing it to happen is the best thing in the world to the kid. And then to the father, it's like, oh, I don't have to deal with a total meltdown because you can't put batteries in the water, the fountain at Great Wolf Lodge. Wow.

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Our listeners are much better humans than we are, Chrissy. I just have to say that right now. For sure. All right, Betty, I want to end this on a high note. We don't have a ton of time, but I will tell you this. We will be calling you back. Save the second wholesome story. Save the second Karen story. Maybe we check in with you in a month. Continue to collect stories. I would love to have you back.

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You're really our first listener caller, except for Will the Champ. Will the Champ. who called in very early on. And I can say, I think this one was a winner.

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Yeah, please.

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I love it, Betty. Well, Betty, long-time listener calling in to give us the skinny on just how terrible all of you are out there. Do better, people. Yeah, do better, people. But we do have to say there is faith in humanity because for every shitty 10 to 13-year-old boy that's out there making life miserable for people like Betty, there's a Betty to make life better. For all of us.

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So I put a couple of them together that have come over the years.

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So, Betty, thank you very much. Best to you, Betty. Best to you.

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We will text you and we will check in shortly. Absolutely. Thanks again, Betty. Well, I have to say, I think having a listener, you know, I've always been very fearful of having listeners on. And here's the reason why, even though I encourage people to call and leave a voicemail, there's a reason why I encourage them to call and leave a voicemail is because then We can edit it.

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She brought the drama. She brought the stories that were good. I cannot... I'm still trying to get over how four 10-year-olds... I couldn't... Listen, I did a lot of shitty stuff as a 10-year-old. I put pixies... And I'm one of these kids. I am one of these kids. I'm not going to pretend like I wasn't.

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Yeah, after five years, we're finally catching on. First and foremost, it's kind of cold in here, so let me turn off the air conditioning.

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Straw. Pixie. What do they call them?

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Pixie straws. Pixie dust. I put that like 30 of those in an air conditioner in a hotel room on a field trip. And then I turned the air conditioner on along with a number four, three other 10 year old boys. We did that kind of stuff.

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We were wolves.

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And one of the kids threw a pizza up on the wall. Like we had a leftover pizza. You know, they ordered a bunch of pizzas and we had an extra one. It was like, you know, the vegetable pizza or whatever. And he took it and he threw it up onto the ceiling. It like stuck on the ceiling. But I will tell you what.

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The adult, we, first of all, we realized the error of our ways in the morning and tried to clean up it. Tried to clean up it. We tried to clean up it. Clean up it, I will. Clean up it, you will. Yeah, sure. Peter throw on what he did.

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But I will tell you what, the adults that were around us were going to be goddamned if they were going to allow us to leave that hotel without every inch of it being cleaned up.

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The entire class had to wait for 90 minutes while the maid came up, or the person who was cleaning, the cleaning lady, came up, brought her little cart, and we had to take the cleaning solutions, the vacuums, and everything, and do it ourselves.

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Well, now that I can feel it on my feet now, and that's always pretty annoying when my feet get cold, you know?

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the way to do it and and it was clean it was as if no one had ever even stepped foot in that room when it was done because the adults that were with us made sure of it and had they been or understood been there or understood what we were doing at that moment we would have been fucked we would have been we were fucked as it is i got grounded we got demerits we got all kind of we had to write a letter to the owner of the hotel it was a whole fucking thing

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I was a shithead at 10 years old. I can say that. But never once did I ever think about defecating anywhere except a toilet. That's just like a step beyond. You can't walk across the way and go to the bathroom? Unbelievable.

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What are we doing out there?

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Yeah, I don't mean to fuss at you, listener. I don't mean to fuss at you. But like I said, 99.9999999% of the commercial break listeners I think are like-minded. I don't think you would listen to the show if you weren't like-minded. I think it would irritate you, right? So at least that's what I like to think. And I interact with a lot of you on text message and on email.

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But I know that there's one of you out there who has children that you just like let them do what they want to do because that's the path of least resistance. Yeah. You are going to teach them by – but you are going to teach them by acting – essentially by telling them what to do. They don't know any different until you tell them what to do. And shitting on the floor is not acceptable.

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Same with being cold. Do you know that my mom did this when we were a kid? And I have done this for friends, family, and my children now. All of your blood moves through your body. I think it's in about like, I think it's 36 seconds. So your blood goes from your heart and back to your heart in like 36 seconds. Very fast, right? That your blood flows through your body. I think that.

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Oh, I wish they had caught those kids.

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I want their mugshot on every fucking Instagram reel from here to Timbuktu. And I want it to say, these kids. These kids shit on floors. These kids shit on floors. And then puke. And then puke. Well, I'd puke too if I saw someone shit right in front of me.

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That seems like more trouble than just going to the bathroom. Yeah, and why do you have to bring your friends with you?

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Kids are so strange. Were they playing skee-ball and one kid went, I got to take a hot dump. And the other kid went, let's do it behind the skee-ball machine.

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Can I see Uranus? The old dare. Yeah, the old dare. A dare to do it behind a skee-ball machine. And then just imagine the whole scene back there. A bunch of kids. One's shitting. One's puking on the other one's back. I mean, it's a whole nightmare. Anyway, listen. Listen.

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I mean, this must be like death by a thousand paper cuts when you work at a place like this, because you must see just the wildest stuff day after day, night after night, and have to deal with it. Oh, God bless Betty.

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Well, you have the sweet Betty.

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There is a small amount of hope. A small amount of hope. For our world. And her name is Betty. If we can just get Betty. Maybe Betty can be in charge of Doge.

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We'll put Betty in charge of Doge and maybe we'll get some better results. Do you know what I'm saying? Oh, the good old Dogey.

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Yeah, so we've been communicating with a number of our listeners and whoever is on the phones. We have been talking to a few of them about potentially coming on. There's a guy named Sean who has been a huge fan of the show for a long time. Love our Sean. And he's like a wildlife trapper, but like a wildlife trapper who traps like alligators. Oh, yes. And snakes.

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And, you know, rabbit raccoons and possums and all the things we hate. Is he in Florida? He is. Well, yeah. Maybe I'll let him tell us where he is. You know what I'm saying?

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Yeah. It's in the southeast somewhere. Yeah, I'll let him decide whether or not. Oh, maybe in Louisiana. I just want to be careful about. Oh, yeah, maybe Louisiana. We'll ask him when he gets here. So if you want to be on the show, could you please... Text us, 212-433-3822, 212-433-3TCB. Start a conversation with us. Leave us a voicemail or text us.

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Let us know why it's interesting to put you on the show, and maybe you'll be the next person, the next guest on TCB. Kelsey Cook and then Betty. Kelsey Cook and then Betty. I got to say, they're both just equally as interesting. It's so nice. There you go. All right. Also, could you do us a favor? Please follow us on Instagram at thecommercialbreak.

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We'd love it if you would become an Instagram follower. We have clips of the show usually daily. I think Chrissy and I are going to try and get in the game here. We're going to try and make some content specific for social media. So the only place you'll be able to see it is on social media. That could include clips of the show.

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Me doing some fun Joe Jonas trend or, I don't know, eating a piece of cake or whatever the kids are doing these days. Yeah, don't expect too much out of us. But we might. We might do it. Of course, we just said it, so now it will never happen.

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But anyway, so just follow us at The Commercial Break, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break for all the shows on video the same day they air here on the audio, TCBpodcast.com, all the audio, all the video, and your free TCB swag. Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today.

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Yeah, let me check that fact right now. This is when we need somebody. Okay. How long does it take for the blood to flow through your body? About a minute. Okay. About a minute. It moves at three feet per second. Wow. That's fast. Your blood's really going, right? That heart's really going.

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I will tell you that I love you. And I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to Betty out there. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye. Goodbye.

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Yeah, it's unbelievable. So John, now totally, totally different tangent. Just real quick. John Mayer was a local singer-songwriter here in Atlanta. Yes, he was. And he had another writing, singing, songwriting, writing partner that he would go and do gigs with here in Atlanta.

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And the scuttlebutt was, from people around that other guy and that other guy, was that John went and took some of the songs, some of the tunes that they had created together, and he made it into that very first, very famous, very popular album with Wonderland and Georgia. Why Georgia? Why? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Forgot to mention that guy. Yeah, forgot to mention that guy.

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But who knows if that's true or not true. And I would imagine that if it was true, they've settled that score long since. Like there's been some lawsuit that got settled or something. Or John just did the right thing. Because he does seem like a nice guy.

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Yeah, he dated some young girls. But at the end, I don't know who has it. Apparently everybody on Love is Blind has. So there you go. And I'll follow up on that on the next episode. We'll talk about Love is Blind.

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I know. I was saying, you know, this other guy was so emotionally mature and such a good guy. And then I read some stuff online that maybe indicated he wasn't. So the blood in your body moves all through your body in one minute. And your wrists have these major arteries that go through them. You know, we all know that.

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And so if you put a cool, damp cloth or coal or ice on your wrists when you're extremely hot or warm water when you're extremely cold, in about a minute, your body will be warmed up because the blood is moving through there. So it warms up your blood. So there you go. Little tip from Bob. Now you know. Also socks. Now you know. Yeah, also socks. And turn off the air conditioning, Brian. Okay.

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All right. So Dave from Chicago asked, hey, Dave, thanks for listening. What is the wildest or most unexpected thing that has happened while recording an episode? Well, I know this. I think I know this one.

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Which is what?

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Oh, yes. Oh, that was pretty wild, too. Yes. We had some soundproof panels on the wall, taped on the wall. And a couple of them fell at one time and it scared the holy shit out of both of us. And I think it's still in the episode. It might be like episode number six or seven. I mean, maybe not six or seven, but 30 or something like that. I thought about the time.

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And I stood up and I was like, we got to get out of here. We're going to die like a White Snake concert. Great White, sorry. Like a Great White concert. I think that would be it.

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of your gaggle of kids running around but that's not too crazy a couple times when i've literally stopped recording because i'm supposed to i was supposed to have been on a conference call or something like that yeah like oh hey everybody stop i gotta i'll be back in an hour and then there's the times we've recorded without actually hitting the record button yeah i mean there's but besides that there's been not like anything too too too crazy uh

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Jennifer asks, no indication of where Jennifer is, if you had to describe the show to someone that has never heard it before using only a couple of words, what would they be? TCB. It's about friendship.

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It's not for everyone. I think it's a good one.

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I think it's relatable, ridiculous, and at times redundant. I mean, I think those are the three words I would use. It's like, you know, you're a fly on the wall and a friendship that's existed for a very long time. And we're always, it's like you and your friend getting together. It is a nonlinear conversation that goes all over the place.

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Yeah. i.e john mayer john mayer putting ice on your wrist and now listener questions that all happened in the first seven minutes of the show um okay uh oh hold on one second i give me one second i want to make sure i credit this one but it's on a different uh app Terry. Terry says, has there ever been a topic or a joke that was too outrageous to talk about or make in an episode?

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Would you be willing to share it here? Well, no, because it was too outrageous to say then. It's not going to be okay to say it now. I think there have been times when we have not aired episodes or parts of episodes because upon further review, they felt insensitive or maybe it cut too close to the bone. Like we were talking about a topic that,

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Maybe we should have waited a little while to talk about it, I guess would be the best way to put it.

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Yeah. I don't think there's anything that we personally feel is off limits. I mean, obviously, there are some things about our family members that we want to try and protect the people who didn't volunteer to be on this stupid fucking show. But as far as our own personal inner workings or inner thoughts are concerned, go back and listen to 700 episodes of The Commercial Break.

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There isn't too much in my life you haven't heard about. Yeah. And there might be a few stories, but it's just for reasons to protect other people who are involved in them who may not want those conversations had. But there are topics that we have talked about where we felt afterward. I'll think of one, and I'll just share the topic, and then you'll know, is that we –

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frequently uh especially in season two and three we would do videos a lot of videos and one of our favorite kind of videos to do was my strange addiction or something along those lines you know and we found one about a guy who liked to be a baby and he wanted to be a baby yes But it was a sexual fetish. Yeah. And we felt after. That was very uncomfortable. Yeah, it was very uncomfortable.

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We did the entire episode and then we felt afterwards that fetishizing, you know, sexual behavior in this manner. Involving babies. Yeah, it didn't.

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Yeah, it wasn't a very funny episode because Chrissy and I were kind of like, we thought it would be funny. Goo goo ga ga, pee pee poo poo. But it didn't turn funny when he was like, handjob, handjob. You know what I'm saying? It was like, it got a little weird. Suck on your tits, handjob kind of thing.

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There was another one that we just recently did where Mirica, the world's most advanced robot, was on. And we may run part of this in the future. It wasn't that it was too outrageous. It was so depressing.

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That it didn't end up being a very funny episode. Chrissy and I were kind of like, oh, this...

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Oh, I was thinking about it for a week. Yeah. Same guy asks, what's a moment from the podcast that made you laugh so hard you had to stop recording? We've never stopped recording because we're laughing too hard. That's also a trademark of the commercial break is that we laugh a lot on this show. I think COVID Christmas Castle.

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Waffle House.

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Did you really?

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Waffle House was pretty funny. Was really funny. Waffle House.

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Oh, Carl was really funny.

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And I was doing the voice. Yes. Yeah. Hey, girl. Hey, girl. I can't go preaching on a full dick. That was pretty funny. Yeah. And there's even recently there was one I can't remember what we were laughing about. It happens all the time. We're always laughing hard.

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That's right. On or off the microphone. A lot of times we don't even catch the funniest stuff because we're just talking about it here in the studio. And Jane asks, if you could bring any bizarre, obscure, or internet personality on as a guest, who might it be and why? Well, I find these all the time. I would love to bring a lot of these people on.

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This kid had none of it. None of it was true. All the cash was borrowed. All the shoes were, you know, rented out from someplace. The cars were not his. The plane that he claimed was his was not. He claimed he had a private plane.

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But in doing the investigation, the guy realized that the plane that he was taking a shot standing outside of was not the same plane that he was taking a shot standing inside of. It's just all manufactured. And I feel like Atlanta, while I love this city, I love it to death. And I know there's a lot of money in Atlanta. A lot of real money in Atlanta.

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This is a place where you can make things happen. It's a lovely city. But there's just too many $250,000 cows out there on the street for me to believe that everyone is making that kind of money. It's like a rat race. It's keeping up with the Joneses. Everyone's got to do it. Yeah, how do you look? That's right. Fake it till you make it.

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That guy, that real estate, late night TV, real estate seminar guy, like we reviewed him one, like Joe Kwan or whatever his name was. Joe Kwan, he made that up. Look like a million dollars till you make a million dollars. And that couldn't be more the truth.

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Dude, when I worked for Scam Coal FM, which was also, you know, pretend like you have money.

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All of it. Yeah, it was so, it's where I realized that the housewives of Atlanta were neither housewives or lived in Atlanta, and none of them had money. It was all just a facade, essentially. No knock on NeNe Leakes. You know, I think she's done great for herself.

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Yeah. But they just showed these women in fantastic and spectacular riches. And almost none of it was true. And how did I know that? Because I became embedded. I got like thrown into the middle of this group of ladies who was either on the housewives or adjacent to the housewives. None of them bad human beings. All of them very nice. But you realize that it's a paper tiger.

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You poke it and it breaks, right? And same with the guy who ran the place. Simon Gwabadia is like the biggest paper tiger of them all.

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I do love me some Simon Guevara drama.

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I can't do it. The Atlanta ones. I can't watch Simon. Yeah. I can't watch Simon.

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Yeah, I asked some of our of our listeners ahead of time. I just sent them a quick note like, hey, you know, I know we don't normally talk about politics, but if I was to have an interesting conversation, not specifically bashing one politician or another, but just about the you know, how people get.

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They took his visa because he said he was someone else. I'll take that. Exactly.

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Yeah. And then he went to and then fucking phone. I think the story goes is that he said he was someone else lied on his visa application. And then when they caught him, then he sued the government because he said that they like, you know, kicked him out on fraudulent terms or whatever.

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I mean, the guy has been a joke for a long time. And it doesn't surprise me that Portia has Portia has eventually caught on.

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Okay.

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Be my liaison, because I don't think I can swallow another season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. I love it. So this girl comes in with this guy. This guy claims to be a big-time music producer, that he's working on all of these albums with these people that I had never heard of. This is when you were working. When I was working there. Yes.

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A couple nights later, we're at the bar that Simon said he owned but never owned. We're at that bar. And then this guy, so he says, let's take it back to my house. Take it back to my crib. And we're like, okay. We go to his crib. It's like me, him, and this other person. His crib. His crib. There isn't even a crib on the floor. There is zero furniture in the place.

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And he was driving around a Maybach. And I was like, did you just move in here? He's like, no, I've been here for about a year. I'm switching furniture up. I'm switching furniture up. Sure. He had a blow-up mattress in the corner. It didn't look like he was switching furniture up. It looked like the furniture had never arrived, ever. The rug didn't have any indentations in it.

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You know what I'm saying? It was just so manufactured. And I was like, wow, dude, you're driving around $150,000, $200,000 car, and you do not have a couch to sit on. No knocking your game. I know that's probably you probably get, you know, lots of action that way. But it was just mysterious and magical to me about how like, I don't know how magical thinking this all was.

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And who knows if the Maybach was even his or even real. Maybe he made that up. Maybe he put that nice Mercedes Benz Maybach symbol on his Toyota. Maybe that's what happened. At TCB, we'll never pretend to have money because we'll probably never have any. And we're still looking for that airplane. One engine, we don't care. If it can get up 100 feet in the air, we'll take it.

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Make sure you send inquiries to tcbpodcast.com. Let's take a break. We'll be back.

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The landscape and how people, you know, fall into extremism and, you know, kind of the closely or the hotly divided country that we have right now. Would you be interested in that conversation? And most people said yes. And a few people said, eh, not really interested in all that. But all the feedback was positive. Good. Andrew did a good job.

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I was playing a game with my kids the other night. Let's play in a game. Sometimes we like to have a dance party. Oh, I love dance parties. Yeah. And so the little game is that everyone picks a song and then they go up, they are on stage, quote unquote, right? And they do their dancing and then I judge the contest, right? I say, okay, you get a five for this or a 10 for that.

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I'm really pretty a harsh judge. I'm like the Simon Cowell of dads. Really? Yeah. I'm like, what was that? That was awful. You sound disgusting. You sound like a dead horse. I don't sound like a British person either. What is that voice, Brian? So one of my kids was singing September, which is in the Trolls movie. You know. Dancing in September. Dancing to remember. Yeah.

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So my kid was going, body down, dancing on September, body down. Now, he's a kid. Like, he mishears, you know, we have all of us misheard lyrics. All of us, yeah. We're just making stuff up. I don't even, you know, I don't even know he could put that sentence together in real life, let alone while he's singing it. So he's just singing what he knows. And so I tried to tell him.

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I said, no, the lyrics are body da, right? Bowdy da, however you say that. And I don't even know the lyrics. Is it bowdy da?

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It's originally Earth, Wind and Fire, right? Yeah, that's the version we were listening to. It's in the Trolls movie. So that's why, you know, they like it. September. Hold on one second while we get this right. Here it is. Yeah, it's body-ah. Body-ah. Body-ah. It was close. Yeah. Okay, body down, body-ah. And it got me thinking, what are some of the most famous misheard lyrics?

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Because we do this all the time. It's a pretty common thing that we hear something that's not really there because of the way or the inflection or the accent in the artist's voice. We just don't get it, right? Now it's all pretty easy because you got Spotify saying those lyrics to you. Back in the day... You would have to open up your tape case cover and get to the bottom of the lyrics.

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We did a good job of keeping away from the bashing and just having a conversation about the nature of our culture in 2025. So please go listen to that episode and then check out Andrew's documentary. You can go to his Patreon page. Unlock that, dear Kelly. Support independent journalism for sure, for sure, for sure. Okay. New Orleans Super Bowl right around the corner.

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And that is if the artist was generous enough to put the lyrics in there.

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That's right. Nothing pissed me off more than getting a brand new CD or tape to find out that there was zero information on the inside except for who the fucking engineer was. I don't care. I want to know what you said in that fucking song. Yes. Yes. Thank you, Chrissy. It should be mandatory. Mandatory minimum. So let's go through some of the 40 of the top misheard, 40 popular misheard lyrics.

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1538.326

Okay.

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1561.812

Yes, that is Brian because he's poor.

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1573.638

When I was doing the carnivore diet, there was no meat was safe in my house because I was so ravenously hungry because there were zero carbs in my body. Astrid was just feeding me steak. I know, you have steak, bacon, all this stuff. It was so expensive. Steak, bacon. I didn't care. If it was alive, I was killing it and eating it.

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1592.89

And to be honest with you, I lost a bunch of weight, but I lost too much weight. Like it went quick. Yeah, you were really thin. It melted off me and it went quick. So I went back to cream and cereal. Okay. I went back to cream and cereal after my parathyroid got taken out. I figured, hey, I get back to calcium. I need to build my bones back up. Okay, ready? Here we go.

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1612.773

As stated by goodhousekeeping.com.

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1620.533

Oh, yeah. That's right. You're right. I think we had a Harper's Bazaar one in there, too. I don't know. Anyway, here we go. Ready? Okay. Dancing Queen by ABBA. We all know Dancing Queen. Feel the beat of the tangerine. I've never heard that in the lyrics.

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1640.182

Is that what it is?

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1642.423

Tambourine. Yeah, thank you, Tina, because good housekeeping here didn't bother to put the real lyric in there. They're just telling us the misheard lyric. The mis one. We're going to have to figure it out on our own. All right, Losing My Religion by R.E.M. Let's pee in the corner. Let's pee in the spotlight. No, me. Yeah, that's me in the corner. How did you get that one wrong? I know.

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1664.038

What dum-dums are listening to that song? By the way, I saw a video with Michael Stipe. And the guy who was doing the video played Michael the original audio that was used for Losing My Religion, the isolated track of his voice. And Michael Stipe started crying when he heard himself in that isolated track. And the guy was like, what's getting you so emotional about that?

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He's like, it's just so raw and so emotional. And I was so young. I realized it makes me think about how much time has passed since he's gone. Michael Stipe's getting up there in age, for sure. Do you remember, like, total side note, that R.E.M. signed the biggest record contract in history at the time. It was like $150 million for five albums with Warner Brothers Music or whatever.

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171.297

Chrissy, the football team against another football team. Can't wait. Super excited. Taylor Swift's team versus the people who shoot each other after they win. So it's the Eagles versus the Chiefs. The Chiefs in the Super Bowl for the third time in as many years. Could they do it? Could they be the only team in history to win three Super Bowls in a row? No one knows. And very few fucking care.

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It was Universal Warner Brothers Music. and they never had another hit song after that. They didn't. They didn't. They didn't have one hit song after that. It was not a good deal for Warner Brothers. Now, if they bought the whole catalog, then I can understand.

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Yeah, of course. From Athens, Georgia. You're the one that I want.

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1737.686

I've got shoes that are made of plywood. Yeah.

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1745.934

I've got chills that are multiplying. That's not even close. No. Who are these people who are mishearing this? Good For You by Selena Gomez, which I don't know the original song. Do you?

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1758.381

It says, I'm farting carrots.

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1762.641

What the real lyric is, I'm 14 carats. I'm 14 carats, yes. 14 carats. Monster by Eminem and Rihanna. It says, I'm friends with the mustard that's under my bed. But of course, the real lyric is, I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed. In sync, it's gonna be May. And people think they're saying, it's gonna be May. May. May. The month. The month.

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I mean, I realize that NSYNC was not exactly, you know, they weren't, I don't know, it wasn't Shakespeare. But why would they write a lyric called It's Gonna Be May? Yeah. If you just think about that for one second. Old Town Road by Lil Nas. Oh, yeah, Old Town Road. I'm gonna take my horse to the hotel room. I'm gonna ride till I can't no more. Hotel room?

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1814.124

Actually, I think I did think it said that. I don't know what the... I'm going to take my horse to the Old Town Road. Old Town Road, yeah. That was a good song. Stir It Up by Bob Marley, which is a fantastic song.

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Little darling, stir it up. People think he's saying cereal. No. Little darling cereal. No. Yeah.

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1844.705

I think good housekeeping is making this up on their own. Or this is an AI product.

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1849.268

Because who thinks he's saying cereal? No. He was a stoner. But I don't think he's saying stir up your cereal. I think Bob is a bit deeper than that. We Will Rock You by Queen. I can understand this one. Buddy, you're an old man, hard man, living on a man, gonna be a big man someday. You got mud on your face, big disgrace, kicking your cat all over the place.

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It's kicking your can all over the place. And I think the original lyric was actually kicking your ass all over the place. But I think the record company said, no, no, no, no. Blowing in the Wind by Bob Dylan, the 17-minute diatribe. And my friends, my friends are blowing. These ants, my friend, are blowing in the wind. These ants are blowing in the wind. Definitely not ants.

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1900.242

Of course, it's these answers, my friend, are blowing through the wind. Royals by Lorde. That was a good song. Yeah, it is. You Can Call Me Bean. I don't know which part of the song this comes in, but she says, you can call me, or you can call me Green Bean. She says, you can call me Queen Bee. Queen Bee.

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Hold Me Close, My Tiner Dancer by Elton John.

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Of course, yeah.

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1935.578

I guess that's not a far fetch. I mean, you know, Elton's a man with certain acquired tastes. Who doesn't like a... Who didn't like Tony Danza in the 80s for five minutes? Tony Danza for five minutes in the 80s was just your regular old Joe guy that everyone could kind of, you know...

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But I will say this. It is now the least expensive Super Bowl ticket in a decade. Inflation adjusted in a decade. So prices are dropping out. The bottom is falling out of the prices. I just looked. You can now get a ticket for $2,300. Not bad seats. I would never pay $2,300 to see a sports event. I almost paid $4,000 to go see the Cubs win the World Series.

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1956.443

Oh, that's right.

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1958.184

I forgot that he was the housekeeper in that show.

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1963.229

How long did Who's the Boss stay on?

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1968.153

It had Alyssa Milano.

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1970.555

Who was one of my first crushes.

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1973.277

Judith Light, that's right.

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1975.36

Wasn't there a guy in there, too? Danny Masterson? Well, not Danny Masterson. Danny Masterson is a guy that's in jail currently.

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1986.636

I forgot. I forgot who the kid was. But Waterfalls by TLC. Okay. Go, go, Jason Waterfalls. Go, go, Jason Waterfalls. No. Don't go chasing. Chasing Waterfalls. Blank Space by Taylor Swift. Got a lot of Starbucks lovers. Yeah. Okay, star-crossed lovers, obviously. Starbucks lovers. What in the good fuck is going on there? Empire State of Mind by Jay-Z and Alicia Keys. Great one.

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2017.762

Concrete jungle, wet dream tomato. No. Wet dream tomato.

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2024.306

I'm calling your bullshit on this, Good Housekeeping.

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2027.668

This must be AI, because who in the world... It's saying concrete jungle, wet dream tomato. It doesn't even come close to sounding like that. Baby Baby by Amy Grant. Don't know that song. I'm going to move on. Genie in a Bottle by Christina Aguilera. Come, come, come and let me meow. Come, come, come and let me meow. No. I don't even remember that part of the song. Purple Haze by Jimi Hendrix.

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This one is a very frequently misheard lyric. Excuse me while I kiss this guy. But it's excuse me while I kiss the sky. Message in a Bottle by The Police. A year has passed since I broke my nose.

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2076.74

A year has passed since I wrote my note, since I wrote this note. Humans by the Killers. Are we human or are we denser? Denser. D-E-N-S-E-R. What is denser? It's denser. Denser. Like dense. Oh, dense. Like thicker. Okay. So stupid. Oh, God. How about Living on a Prayer by Bon Jovi?

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2106.899

If we make it or not.

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2110.462

Yeah, actually, I could go to that. Last time we saw Bon Jovi, he wasn't doing so hot. Do you remember a couple of years ago when we reviewed Bon Jovi doing a live concert? Yeah. And it was just like his voice was extraordinarily torn up. He couldn't hit a note to save his life.

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2126.19

He had a real problem. So I forgive him. I don't think I've ever apologized. I do a lot of apologizing on this show in case you're just joining us. So here's yet another apology on behalf of Brian. I'm sorry. Straight to Bon Jovi. Yeah, straight to Bon

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2137.216

jovi i thought you were just being bad at singing but apparently you had a throat issue so there you go lucy in the sky with diamonds the girl with kaleidoscope the the girl with kaleidoscope goes by oh it's the girl with the kaleidoscope eyes really yes

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2157.787

Why would they run this with AI like this? I mean, I guess AI is taking over the world. Bad Moon Rising by Credence. Mm-hmm. There's a bathroom on the right.

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2177.564

That's a good one. I'm using that one next time I hear that song. Like a virgin. McDonald. Like a virgin. Touched for the 31st time. Like a virgin.

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2193.631

My name is Bonnie. Bonnie Blue. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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222.539

But that's the Cubs winning the World Series. Sorry, that wasn't a bomb.

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228.643

I do. It's now part of the show. Blue and my phone dropping on the floor in this echo chamber. I don't know what it is about this table. I got to figure it out. Maybe I should have bought an actual table that wasn't $32 on Wayfair. No offense against Wayfair. Wayfair is great.

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Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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2431.305

Thank you.

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244.216

But it was really heavy. I felt like, oh, when you look and it says it weighs 62 pounds, I thought to myself, great. Solid. It's solid piece of wood. It is absolutely hollow in every sense of the word. And so everything that happens in this house now gets echoed through the table into the microphone. I think that thought part's solid. So sorry, yeah. There you go.

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2524.762

Thank you. Thank you.

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2601.923

Thank you. Thank you.

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264.447

There's a little annoyance for you in your morning drive there. But that is interesting and—

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2692.739

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. . . . . . .. a en P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P,實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a in . . . . . .. a, P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P,實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a in a . . . .

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279.277

I think you're on to something there.

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.. a, P P P P P P P P P P P實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a to in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in a P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P Pà� generà già già già già già già già già già gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà grà grà gà

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282.84

Last year, Las Vegas, ticket prices were through the roof, almost doubled. The cheapest ticket was about $5,000. And some experts... That I read this morning said New Orleans has a lot to do with it because New Orleans, first of all, has far fewer hotel rooms. So the hotel rooms are terribly expensive.

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2888.746

, , , , , ,, the P P P P P P P P,實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P The Robinson Brothers from Black Crows. And I think I saw Miley Cyrus up there. And then he was doing he was at the comedy club in L.A., the comedy store. And there were comedians and then there were also musicians. And he got out there and sang a few songs.

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2947.401

I thought we got told that Aerosmith broke up because Steven Tyler didn't have a voice anymore. And now he's out there acting like an idiot, singing all these songs with everybody else. I want an explanation, full explanation from Aerosmith as to why they really broke up. Do you remember? I want to remind you of this. Not that anyone cares this much about Aerosmith anymore. I certainly don't.

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2967.244

But I went through my Aerosmith. I think we all went through our Aerosmith phase. If you're of a certain age, you remember Pump and Pump and Pump. You remember that album. It was a big one. Every single song on that album was a runaway hit. Every single song. So... You remember that during the pandemic, their drummer, I think Kramer is his last name, Joey Kramer.

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299.972

It's, you know, the cost to travel down there is more expensive, the cost to travel and stay there. And then some people think that, you know, New Orleans just had a terrible incident occurring. Maybe some people are shying away from going to New Orleans specifically. And then some people speculated Trump announced he's going to go to the game.

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Joey Kramer got locked out of practice. Do you remember this? They were practicing for an upcoming tour and he got locked out of the practice. And there was like some kind of person standing at the door saying, no, you're not allowed in. And he was like, but I'm part of the band. And he's like, yeah, not anymore, dude. So he basically got told when he showed up for practice. Yes.

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3014.031

And they claim that he was on painkillers and he couldn't do the job anymore or whatever. That's rich coming from Steven Tyler. Isn't Steven Tyler the one who left a 14-year-old in a burning apartment so that no one would find out she was pregnant or something like that?

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3034.23

No shame in that. There's lots of people that have addiction problems. I'm not shaming anybody with an addiction problem. I'm saying it's a little rich that now he's got a charity that helps young women. When he wasn't doing any of that back in the day, he was impregnating young women, not helping them. And now, Aerosmith's broken up, but not really.

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3051.557

They're broken up because of his voice, but his voice is still being used other places. There's something else going on there, and I want a full explanation right now. As well as, is this Ozzy Osbourne's really his last concert? Or is Sharon just trying to sell tickets?

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3067.444

Here's the thing about Ozzy. Never the world's biggest Ozzy Osbourne fan.

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Musically. Not my thing. Black Sabbath wasn't necessarily my thing. He had that one song with that Lita Ford, remember? You told me lies. You told me lies. And now I feel so rain. Mama, I'm coming home. Do you remember that song? Okay. All right. He had that one song.

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3096.818

Sharon has taken control of his career.

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3099.739

Yes. at some point in the 70s or 80s or whenever they got married. She took over his career and she did wonderful things for the guy. She sobered him up. She straightened him out. Although, if anybody's ever seen any of the Osbournes, the television show, I think you would have a tough time arguing that Ozzy was sober. But okay, let's make the assumption that he's on some medication for purposes.

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But she took over that career and she really helped him because he was a fucking hot mess. Everybody needs a Sharon Osbourne in their life. But then Sharon has a, Sharon has a way of making everything a little bit hyperbolic. Do you know what I'm saying? She's always blowing everything up. I think this is the fifth time that Ozzy Osbourne is going to do his last concert.

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He was on his last tour six years ago. He was going to make his last festival appearance three years ago. He made his last television appearance two years ago. But none of them are his last appearance. But this time, she says, full stop, it's his last appearance. I doubt it. We'll see. I think this is just... The Eagles also have done six farewell tours, and yet they have yet to say farewell.

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3163.534

Don't say it. Don't say it. Just say sayonara for now, right? We're leaving for now.

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3172.341

Yeah.

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318.385

And some people speculated that that is not a positive for ticket sales. That is a negative. Not because people don't like Trump. That might be the truth, too. But because Trump has been a target and they worry about safety. Who knows if any of that's true? It's all speculation, I'm sure.

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When will that happen? I don't know. Tomorrow? Maybe. If I'm still around. If I'm not? I don't know. If I'm not feeling good, maybe I don't do it. This is the commercial break's absolute last show. Forget it. We're not doing one tomorrow. Until we show up tomorrow to do yet another one. Okay? Don't say that. That's just silliness. We know you're just trying to sell tickets, Sharon.

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We know that Ozzy's going to show up some. You're going to have to roll him out there to pay some bills at some point. You're going to roll Ozzy out there and have him do a little thing. The guy's 78 years old. This could very well be his farewell show. Unless then you see that guy that they're still rolling out there.

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Frankie Valli. Frankie Valli is 117 years old. He is a robot. He literally has a mechanical head and mouth. And he is still going out there and singing live. Is he really singing? I don't know. Some of it. Yeah, some of it, I think. I think he's got auto-tune and a backing track, but I think he's trying to get some breath out of that mouth. I'm not even sure the guy takes a full breath anymore.

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But you know what? They put him on a dolly and they roll him out there every night and they stand him up. That's right. And they use a computer to make his hands move. And the guy goes out there.

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Yes. The animatronic? Yes. He is Chuck E. Cheese. That's who he is. They literally made him an electronic man. And he goes out there with his little robot wheels and he goes out there and he sings for 30 minutes.

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I don't disagree with that. And that's why I think Ozzy is not going to have his last, his final farewell show at this festival. Because I think that if you're a musician or whatever it is you do in life, like my grandfather was 97. nine years old in a retirement home with a hip that wouldn't heal, colon cancer, and could barely speak any kind of English.

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And the guy, and he was a former FBI agent, till the day that he passed away, the day before he passed away, he asked one of the nurses to take his resume and fax it to a phone number. And they would pretend to do that. They would pretend to do that because it was giving him some kind of purpose. So listen, this might be the Commercial Breaks farewell show.

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Or we, Chrissy and I, might be doing this until our 98th birthday.

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3318.092

Yeah, until we're in Chuck E. Cheese mode. Tina's got to roll us out here.

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Yes. Until AI is doing my voice. Yes. I'm just here going... Till I have no teeth. Actually, you know what? I'll always have teeth because I know that I go get them in Turkey.

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Yeah. Maybe. Me too. By the way, loved it. Astrid, not the biggest fan of it. I can't wear sandals in New Orleans because of the New Orleans soup, the street soup. You don't want to have anything to do with that. So not my favorite footwear city, but I love it. I think it's a beautiful city. I've been going for years. I have friends that live there. The people are nice.

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3341.047

All right. Well, will we see you tomorrow? Maybe.

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3355.782

Hey, once again, I want to thank Andrew Kelly. Now I'm thinking about me doing this well into my retirement days. Yes. Yes.

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3367.768

When you think about it, well, retirement age back in the 60s, now you work until you're 72 or whatever it is.

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3377.15

No doubt. Doing the show. I mean, listen, I heard the Villages has taken a turn. I was watching a reel about people in the Villages racing their golf carts. That's what they're doing, racing golf carts up and down the street. It's like a parade. And some guy was driving in the wrong direction and smacked into another golf cart.

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And the guy who was driving one of the golf carts went flying out into the street. It was like really intense. And I was like, geez. They have fun down there, but it's dangerous. They do.

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Yeah, listen. Could be Chrissy and I. Could be Chrissy and I. All right. Thanks to Andrew Callahan. I'm going to put links in the show notes to go to his Patreon and watch the brand new directorial, independent directorial debut. Not his directorial debut, but the first one he's directed independently. Dear Kelly, I think it's a movie you must watch.

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3427.006

to have a little bit of a better understanding of why this country is so polarized, at least for some people, why this country is so polarized and how easy it is to get sucked into extremism. And remember, like my father-in-law says, aye, Brian. And also, extremes on both sides end up in the same place. Just remember that. I don't know what it means, but it sounds really smart.

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So I'm going to say it. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. If you want to hear your voice on the commercial break, leave us a message, your salutations, your good wills, your good wishes, or just talk shit about us. One way or the other, we'll probably play it on air. Wish us well on our farewell tour. Fare thee well. Fare thee well. So go ahead. Text us. Leave us a voicemail.

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You may be on the next episode of The Commercial Break. TCBpodcast.com. All the audio, all the video right there from one location and your free sticker at the contact us button. At The Commercial Break on Instagram and YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break. Thanks, Dr. Phil. You're welcome, Brian. All right, Chrissy. That's all I can do for now.

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I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there on the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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356.283

And listen, Bourbon Street is not the street I go down at my age. It's just not. I mean, you go down just to see shit.

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363.425

Oh, yeah. It's like that is soul. Bourbon Street is like the cheesecake factory of booze streets. Do you know what I'm saying?

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373.609

It's bright. It's shiny. It has a thousand items on the menu. You know, all of them include a shit ton of cheap alcohol that's going to give you a headache. That's what you do when you're a frat boy or you go down for the first time or Mardi Gras. I guess you go down Bourbon Street for Mardi Gras because, of course, that's where a lot of the action happens. But that's not my favorite part of town.

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391.158

There are many other places in New Orleans that are just as fun and wonderful. And Frenchman Street, the Garden District. I remember I went down to New Orleans for Jazz Fest. And one night we went over to, I think it was Frenchman Street. Am I right about that? Am I saying that right? Is that the right street?

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And there was, you know, it's kind of a place where some retail and some houses are mixed together, like most places in New Orleans, down there in the district. And there were house parties going on. Oh, yeah. Where live music was playing out of the open windows. And you just walk in and out of some of these houses. Yeah. It was amazing. It was just the best. That's so much fun. I love it.

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It was so much fun. And there's lots of drugs and alcohol down there. Yeah. So at a certain part in my life, New Orleans was like, you know, that was like a mecca. I'd much rather go there.

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Oh, yeah. It's old.

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It's old. Music, food. The food's incredible. They have a piano down there that's twice my age. Do you know what I'm saying? They have a piano at one of those bars that's twice as old as I am. It's been there twice as long as I have been on Earth. And yeah, it's just there's so much going on down in New Orleans at any given time. It's a big city. It's got big city problems.

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The Eagles also have done six farewell tours, and yet they have yet to say farewell.

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You certainly have to mind your P's and Q's down there. Like, don't take cab rides from a gypsy cab driver with a gun in his face. Right, learn from Uncle Brian. Learn from Uncle Brian. Take these sanctioned cabs. Though we did get from point A to point B safely. I'm pretty sure it's because someone had a panic attack in the car.

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And the guy was like, rather than rob you, I'm going to drop you off because I don't want to be bothered by anybody. These white people bothering me. I'm getting out of here. But the ticket prices dropping is, I think, an indication also that people are a little bit nervous about the economy. Who's going to go spend?

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$5,000 just for you and a buddy to go see, unless you're like a diehard Eagles or Chiefs fan, you can watch it on TV. Let's all be honest. The best thing about the Super Bowl is the fucking commercials. That's what we want to see.

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It's Kendrick Lamar. Yeah. Kendrick Lamar. Okay. All right. There you go. Yeah. I'm looking forward to that. So, yeah. Okay. Another sports-related thing that I want to talk to you, piggy front on, is you see Marcus Jordan? Michael Jordan's son got arrested for cocaine, leaving the scene of an accident. Yes. Got stuck on a rail, you know, like two rail ties in his Lamborghini.

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Don't say it. Don't say it. Just say sayonara for now, right? We're leaving for now.

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Yeah.

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Oh, it's an SUV. Oh, because why not spend an extra $50,000 on a Lamborghini? That's insane to me. Listen, I knew Michael Jordan had children, but I had no idea about any of those children. They've done a good job. Oh, you didn't? I had no idea that Marcus Jordan.

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Oh, the real Housewives? He's on the real Housewives of something? Oh, yeah.

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Okay, wait. No, no, no, no, no. Hold on. Yeah, you didn't know about this? I grew up in the age of Michael Jordan in Chicago. Scottie Pippen and Michael Jordan were like wonder twins. Yeah. They were so good with each other and for each other on the basketball court.

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And I realized there may have been some friction that Michael Jordan got all of the attention and Scottie Pippen was... Michael Jordan isn't Michael Jordan without Scottie Pippen, right? But his ex-wife was screwing Michael Jordan's son?

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Yeah.

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No way.

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That's a twisted affair. Yeah. That is a twisted affair. I know. Wow. That's the kind of drama that like usurps even real housewives drama bullshit.

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They had a podcast together? Scotty Pippen's ex-wife and Michael Jordan's son?

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What's the age difference there?

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Wow. No shit.

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Well, that's one way to get back at your... That's one way to get back at your ex.

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That's one way to get back at your ex. Could you imagine fucking your long-time co-worker slash friend's ex-wife or son? That is unbelievable drama. Wow. Okay, so the guy is known. Well, I don't watch Real Housewives, so I would not have known this. I knew that Michael Jordan had kids, but I had no idea who any of those children were until I started reading the headlines that Marcus Jordan...

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was arrested for cocaine. He had cocaine in his pocket and he was drunk and he fled the scene of an accident when cops were trying to pull him over and got his Lamborghini SUV stuck on a train crossing, essentially. This just befuddles me. This befuddles me to no end. That if you can afford a Lamborghini SUV... Lamborghini...

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The Lamborghini SUV coming in at, I don't know, half a million dollars. Yes. Half a million fucking dollars.

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You can't afford someone to get in that seat and get in that driver's seat sober? You could pay me $30 and an In-N-Out burger, and I would stay with you all night long drinking water. Yes. Just to make sure that you got home safely. That would be enough for me. And by the way, there's plenty of those people out there. They're called Uber drivers. They will do it for you for very little money.

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How you get into a car being Michael Jordan's son, being a famous person yourself after getting smashed. Leaving the scene of an accident, cocaine in your pocket. With cocaine in your pocket. Do what everybody else does. Have somebody else drive you if you have cocaine in your pocket. That's what I did all the time. I refused to drive if I had cocaine in my pocket. You want to know why?

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Because you're just adding insult to injury. It's just stupid. It's stupid. Don't do that, Marcus. Come on. You're already fucking your best friend, co-worker, ex-wife. Like, just... And doesn't your dad talk some sense into you? Doesn't that daddy of yours say, hey, son, don't fuck up while you're fucking up? And where did he get the Lamborghini SUV? Where did he get it?

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Is that Michael Jordan's money or is that Marcus's money? What does Marcus do?

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A lot of business ventures, quote unquote. We'll find that out. Yeah, I know a million of these people. I got business ventures. That's me. That's Brian. I got business ventures. I got a podcast. I'm an entrepreneur. I got a podcast. I'm a producer. I'm making a movie. I'm an actor. I'm an actress. I'm in real estate. I'm in MLMs. I sell essential oils for a living.

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Ah, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the most optimized Sanders, Kristen Joy only. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us.

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I got lots of entrepreneur things going on. Yeah, that sounds very nebulous to me. And I know a lot of these people. Atlanta is full of people. who have jobs that they never had. Do you know what I'm saying? They will tell you, you know, it's like, hey, what do you do? Oh, man, I got a lot of irons in the fire right now. I'm a producer on this movie.

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I'm making this new album with a friend of mine. I got a podcast and a vodcast. I'm an influencer in the wild. I also have a talent management company. If you know, you ever want me to take 10% of your money for no reason. They have all of these job descriptions.

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But they do none of them. They actually do none of them. A little bit of this and a little bit of that.

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It's like this is the kingdom of the non-existent job here in Atlanta. Now, everybody seems to have money, but no one can tell you exactly what they do. Because they're renting the fancy car.

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Booming.

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I'm sure like a lot of different places, like many different places in the United States of America. Atlanta is the best. is like the glowing metropolis full of $250,000 cars. You can be driving anywhere in Atlanta and see an extraordinarily expensive car every five minutes. It's just the way that it works. But how do all of these people have all of this money? Where did it come from?

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I don't think it exists. I think you're right. I think where it exists is on the rental lot. The guy who actually bought the car and is renting it to you. That's what happens. I mean, I was just reading an article about this kid who gained like half a million followers in three months. And it was an expose that's really not surprising to anybody. The kid said he had a lot.

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It was like his Instagram was full of shots of him holding tens of thousands of dollars in cash. Gold bars, gold chains, million-dollar shoes, driving around labraginis. It's got a tailpipe.

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Just want to shout out to Andrew Callahan, Channel 5 News, Dear Kelly, the new documentary that has been self-produced, directed, and funded by Channel 5 and Andrew's media company. Go check that episode out Tuesday, the Tuesday infomercial. A lot of positive feedback about that

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Um, he's, he's got all this, like his Instagram, which is full. And this kid is like 19 years old. Full of multi-million, I mean, the posts themselves were worth multi-million dollars. You know what I'm saying? They just look like they're dripping in gold. And the expose was done by like this investigative reporter, quote unquote, on Instagram to find out that this kid. Arrival. Arrival.

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And I was like, whoa, okay. The vibe just turned. Maybe it was because she was drinking. Maybe that's just who she was and I didn't know her. I don't know. But okay. So now I'm like, all right. So I get up from the, you know, eventually I just get up and I'm like, okay, well, good to talk to you. And I am trying to talk to other people to no effect.

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And now I'm feeling completely weird about the whole situation. And so I tell our smelly, I said, listen, I'm going to go. No, No, no, no, stay, stay. And I'm like, listen, I'm just aware enough about myself and the world around me to know that I'm pretty much not welcome here. Like, this is not my vibe. It's not my scene. They're not looking for me to be here.

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The thing is, that's the same thing going on with you. You are just clueless. So you keep talking. You keep talking. They keep turning your heads. That's your whole scene. But OK, I'm leaving. He's like trying to convince. No, no, no, no, no. Stay, stay, stay. But I really found it to be surprising that I said something pretty uncontroversial and it turned into such a big deal.

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Yeah, you hit a nerve. I did. I hit a huge nerve because the truth is, in my opinion, that it does get a little bit harder as you get older to make new friends. There are less and less situations where... Where that happens and the older that you get, the more that people are established in their ways.

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Yeah, set in their ways. They've got their own little group of – whether it's a partner or just a group of friends or they're just – they're already – They're set already.

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We're creatures of habit. We're very social when drinking and partying and situations call for it. We're very social animals and we want to buddy up and have fun and find common ground and all that. And that's true at any age. It really is. But the opportunities to do that start to wane as you get into your mid-30s. My experience, right?

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Because it's a bad look to be like hanging out at the bar when you're like 37 years old, you know, just hanging out with the 20-year-olds, you know, looking for new friends. That's called creepy. And not many people like that. And a lot of people see that. But the other thing is that, you know, it's just there's a different vibe. So...

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I'm excited about my coffee boyfriend because it's an opportunity I have to make a new friend. Just like when I met Jackie Beans or some of those people at the Pearl Jam concert or, you know, when I go to wherever, wherever I go and I see someone that I like and I find them to be, there's a vibe there.

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I go, oh, I'm interested in this because I now know and I now see that the opportunities are few and far between. So when you make them, take them, in other words.

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You do have the 30 children, so that is an opportunity there with the parents.

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Yes, it is. But they also know about the commercial bank. Astrid was at a school function for one of my kids. And this is a new school to us. It's our first year there. And when we did the paperwork for the school, Astrid put my TCB podcast email in. And we didn't know that they were going to disseminate that email far and wide. I told this story.

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That one time somebody sent an email and they copied everybody in the entire grade, but they didn't blind copy. They just copied. And so everybody's email address was available. And so we did what everybody else does. You go and you look and you see what everybody's up to at their specific companies or extensions or whatever. It's just curiosity, right?

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And we knew instantaneously when that email came through, oh, shit, they're doing the same to us. I mean, the same thing.

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is happening to us so um so you know astrid was at the school function and then they were talking with this other uh mom at the school and she goes so what do you guys it's a hard thing to explain i have to say because some people are very receptive to it like oh that's cool yeah let me check it out and other people are like huh huh what is that how do you make money doing that well we don't right money doing that yeah let's be clear about that first

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right we make debt doing this is what we do um but the other thing is I don't even think it's like sometimes yes but then it's like it's a comedy podcast but what oh stand up comedy no uh it's just me and my friend talking yeah oh it's improv comedy like I went to the dad's garage the other week you like take suggestions and you make a little skit no we're not that good uh improv means we have no plan whatsoever

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It just all comes from the top of my tiny little mouse brain. But the part that makes me nervous is not the explaining of the podcast. I can get, I think I've figured that one out. It's the content of the podcast.

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Yes, of course it is. Right.

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And we have long since blown by the idea that we can tailor this content. Listen, we intended for this show to go nowhere and do nothing. It was a largely a vanity project during the fucking pandemic.

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Something fun to do. Yeah.

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So if we tell a few wild stories, if Brian tells a few wild stories, well, most of the people are going to listen to it. No, those stories anyway. I'm just telling it with Chrissy. Right. Well, it didn't work out like five years later. Five years later, here we are. Anyway, so now everybody knows that it's like, so I dance a little bit around the parents sometimes because, you know, I don't know.

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Yeah, you have to.

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I don't know how they feel about it. And why do I? And you say, well, that's true of anybody. Yeah, but not everybody has 800 hours. of material that you can sharpen up on when you want to know about somebody. Like if every parent at my kid's school had 800 hours of their life out there on the internet, I could get a feel for who they were and make a decision about whether or not that's my speed.

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And I'm pretty sure if you even listen to eight minutes of the 800 hours, most people are going to be like, oh, well.

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He lived under a porch.

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Yeah, they're letting those kids in? Did they? Really? I think, honey, I think we should think about changing schools for old Jackson.

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Standards aren't what we thought they were.

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It's just not like it was before.

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It is. And it is terrible. And I can admit that. But it's our terrible. It's our terrible.

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It's ours. And you know what? Anytime you create... It's our ugly baby. Yeah. No one thinks their baby is ugly. And I got news for you. There are ugly babies out there. All right. Let's take a break. We'll talk more about our ugly baby when we get back.

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Hey there, cats and kittens. I want to tell you about a podcast from HeadGum I think you're going to like. It's Handsome with Tig Notaro, Fortune Fimster, and Mae Martin. Two of those people have appeared here on the commercial break. The third is conspicuously absent, and I will be following up.

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Every week, the Handsome hosts field a question from a friend and attempt to answer it together, covering every subject you could think of, from psychic experiences and reoccurring dreams to to secret talents and favorite pop divas. Along the way, Tig, Fortune, and May tell plenty of stories and just generally have a ridiculous time. Sound familiar?

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Both Chrissy and I listen to this show, and exactly like the commercial break, they get questions from people like Jennifer Aniston, Paul Simon, Conan O'Brien, Tom Hanks, Shirley Ralph, Melissa McCarthy, and other notable listeners, just like the commercial break does. Handsome is a great podcast with two of the three hosts being some of our favorite guests. And I will work on May Martin.

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Subscribe to Handsome wherever you listen to podcasts and check out the full episodes on YouTube. New episodes drop every Tuesday and Friday. HeadGum.com slash Handsome for a full episode list. Oh, my gosh. My kids are so excited to see this new Snow White that's coming out, especially the girls. They're excited to see Snow White. It's the 1937 Disney's first full length movie.

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I think one of the first color films that ever came out.

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It's the animated movie. I believe it won the Oscar for Best Picture, I think, if I'm not mistaken. I should know this because my kids are like Disney freaks, and they know stuff like this. They're like, hey, Dad, did you know that it came out in 1937? And I'm like, I did not. I did not care that much until you told me. But now I care because you care.

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But Snow White, this movie has been in production for like 13 years. It's been in production forever. And it's had so many problems. It's hard as an adult. And I certainly don't... It's hard for me to talk about... you know, anti-woke culture sentiment with my five-year-old. You know, I can't talk about that kind of stuff. But this thing has been in trouble since the day it got announced.

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Is it animated?

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No, it's live action. Gal Gadot, Rachel Ziegler plays Snow White. Gal Gadot plays Maleficent, the evil queen. And then it all started when Disney announced that they were not going to be, or they were going to be using, CGI for the dwarfs. They were going to call it Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. And people who are in that community did not like the fact that they were using the word dwarf.

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And Peter Dinklage was one of the people who came out and said, hey, listen, we don't care for this, essentially. Mm-hmm. So they changed the name to just Snow White, I think is what it is. They were going to use people with achondroplasia or dwarfism to be in the movie, and then they backed out of that, and then they decided to go CGI. Not all the characters are CGI.

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So the dwarves are the original dwarf concept, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Now they're called magical creatures instead of the seven little dwarves. So, and then there's like all this, like the two girls who star in the movies, two women who star in the movie, they don't care for each other because one is Palestinian and one is Israeli. And there's been all this drama back and forth.

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Well, hey there, cats and kittens. As does happen from time to time, Brian will forget to hit the record button while Chrissy and I waste an immense amount of our day trying to hit you in the giggle spot with some mediocre comedy. That happened yesterday. And since we just did 13 episodes of the commercial break over the weekend... RSS feed.

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They've both been very vocal about their own opinions about what happens. It's like a whole clusterfuck. And Disney is just like really mishandled this from the beginning. So now what you have... Disney can't get out of its own way sometimes. Do you know what I'm saying? Wasn't there a time when we all just accepted that Disney was a company that was cool for the kids?

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Like, you know, oh, Disney made another animated movie. Let's go see that. That sounds good. Pixar came out with its newest film. Let's go see that. But nothing can be left alone anymore. Nothing is sacred. Everything has got to be torn apart and ripped to shreds and thrown down and thrown away. I mean, I don't know. You know, I think about The Office.

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So just, you know, sharing a little information, it's likely we're going to have one of the office stars in here at some point in the future. And so I was thinking about the office.

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Not Steve Carell. I'll be clear about that. Not Steve Carell. But I was thinking about her role in The Office and how much I enjoyed it and how politically incorrect some of the things that they did said, you know, some of the storylines, just how brazen they seem today.

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But back then, just kind of seemed like part and parcel of a comedy show, like, you know, a groundbreaking comedy show, but a comedy show nonetheless. Could The Office get made in 2025? Probably not. Probably not. There would probably be a lot of people who would be upset about some of the things that they did. And then there'll be other people who are upset because those people were upset.

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It's like the woke anti-woke, all of this cultural like nonsense just seems stifling to me. It really does seem very stifling to me. Like, okay, if you go see Snow White on its merits, just, you don't know anything about all the extra drama and you walk in to the movie theater and you watch an entertaining 90 minutes of, of film, um,

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then can't you just base your thoughts on the merits of the art rather than all of the drama around it? Because it's not like some huge big deal that happened. It's just like death by a thousand paper cuts. This little drama and that little drama and this little drama. And it all adds up to a troubled production and politically charged and it can't be correct and blah, blah, blah, blah.

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It's like, I just want to go see a movie without all of that stuff. Thank God no one actually cares about the commercial break and we don't get torn apart like that. We really don't. I mean, we have people have told us in the past. I think one time I talked about llama rape, like getting raped by a llama.

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Oh, you did?

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Yes, we did. But it was like a joke that I made, right? I was like, oh my God, it's like getting raped by a llama or something like that. A totally offhand, a silly childish joke nonetheless. But it was just like an offhand Brian absurd joke. And somebody wrote us like a four-page dissertation on the word, why there should be a warning, trigger warning on the episode. Do you remember this?

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Yeah, vaguely. She would like a trigger warning on the episode because those who have been through that type of terribly awful ordeal might get triggered by just the word alone.

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And I thought about it for a long time. And my first reaction, my knee-jerk reaction was, oh, I should do that. But then I thought to myself, then the tail's just wagging the dog. Then everything I say, then I'm just going to start putting – if that – I do do a general warning. It's explicit. The show is explicit. It's absurd.

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And listen, there are women in my life and a man in my life who have been through that ordeal. I don't mean no disrespect. I don't think it's a joking matter. No. But I was talking about a llama. A fictitious llama, nonetheless. There really was no llama that did any damage to any human being that I know of. It was like kind of just a throwaway joke.

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And all of a sudden, I was getting this four-page dissertation on it. And my knee-jerk reaction was like, okay, let me put a trigger warning on it. But then I was like, no, just... Listen to it on its merits. If you decide that my intentions were terrible, well, then don't listen to the show. That's it.

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If you think that joke was made intentionally to hurt you or to make you upset, then there you go. But I can't fluff or nutter every single thing out there in the world. I just can't do it. How can I do it?

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Yeah, you can't please everybody.

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No, and it's like I tell my kids. It's like the world is a sharp place. There's a lot of sharp elbows, kids. You got to toughen your skin a little bit, right? You got to be a tough character to make it through life. And, you know, on the other side of the same coin... there is taking it too far. There is just, you know, being an idiot to be an idiot for an idiot's sake.

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But I just really want to go watch Snow White and not have all this drama.

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But you don't have to listen to the drama. I know, but I feel like people are going to be judging me. I'm going to see Snow White.

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Oh, are people protesting it?

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Brang Green doesn't like. I don't know. Of course, there's going to be some moron out there who's protesting it. Yes, there's going to be chatter online and morons protesting and people being upset. And you support anti, you know, little people. No, I'm the biggest supporter.

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You are. The Seven Little Johnstons. Seven Little Johnstons. It's your favorite show.

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Yeah. Big Little Family. I watch it all. I love it. I'm all about it. Those Seven Little Johnsons. I love that show. I know it's so formulaic, but I love it. There's so much drama. And here's the part that gets me about the Seven Little Johnsons. I know you probably... I'm sure a lot of people do watch this show, and me included. Yeah. But let me explain.

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Seven Little Johnsons, the reason why they call it the Seven Little Johnsons is because there's seven little people in the family. They all have some form, I think, of achondroplasia, which is the most common form of dwarfism or things that make people... I think that's what they call it, dwarfism. And they had two of their children naturally...

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Yes, we like to call them TCB's lost episodes, but there's a reason why they're lost. They're probably not any good. And fortunately or unfortunately for you, I'm going to have to run one of those today in lieu of any additional content. Listening back to this episode that we put in the can. It's not that bad.

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Two of their children naturally, and then one, two, three, four, and then... Is it two of their children naturally? I'm just trying to make... I want to make sure I get it right. Anyway, a couple of their children naturally, and then they had a couple of their children they adopted from other places. Three of their children they adopted from other places.

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Russia, China, and then I think Vietnam or the Philippines or something like that. But I mean, what a... That was nice.

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Right. What a gift. And they had medical problems and no family and all this other stuff. And they go over there and they bring them here and they say, not only are we going to raise you, but you're going to raise you in an environment where you're going to be comfortable because everybody else is like you. Right. What a gift. What a huge gift. And on TV. And on TV. That's it.

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And you've got to imagine that that TV has changed their life in so many ways. They're on season number 15. But here's the part that gets me, is that they really do not shy away from talking about any of the drama going on in the family, including problems with their kids. Like problems those kids would probably rather not have the entire world watching.

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And yet they do not shy away one bit, those parents, from talking about... like the kids, like in the cutaways, you know, the confessionals.

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They talk about those children in ways that I'm like, oh my God, if my parents were talking about me like that, I would be mortified, mortified. But yet that train keeps on going. It's these parents, they just don't shut up. And I am, this last episode, I was floored.

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florida one of the girls in the family is having trouble with the family she was adopted and she is her behavior is not to the liking of the parents but she's like 24 years old but it's not to the liking of the parents and the parents are like we will not give up on our children but we will not give in and if she's she's acting like this for attention and you know what we're not giving it to her she can be a baby she can go off in the corner and cry we're not giving her the attention she is seeking it's too dramatic and i'm like oh my god

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Like, imagine being that child walking through life and the whole world is like, oh, your parents think you're an idiot. It's hard enough that she's having trouble with the family and that the parents are talking shit in the confessionals.

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I know. God. Well, but the girl, the child is 24?

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Yeah, she lives on her own.

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Yeah, but still. I mean, 15 seasons, like she was a kid when it started, like she's the child. But this is not the first or the last time this has happened. Those parents are so intimately involved with every aspect of their children's life. They are smothering these children, smothering them. And I realize it's a tough world out there and tough love sometimes works. And OK, beat tough love.

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However, it will sound awful dated as we talk about Spring Break, the reboot of Snow White, and my favorite television show, The Seven Little Johnstons. You'll excuse our brains just a little bit for being a tad foggy as us old folks in the old folks home need a couple extra reps to recover from working what everyone else in the world calls a normal day.

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But man, are you really involved with your kids? One of the guys, I think I told this story, one of the kids, Jonah, he smoked some K2 fucking Y Brian 3000 bullshit. And he went off into outer space and they had a scary incident where they couldn't find him and he was lost. And then finally, you know, everything got settled down. They went to his apartment, packed him up, and moved him back home.

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And he's like 21 years old, 20, 21 years old. They moved him back home, and then they talk all about it on the show. He's not responsible enough to live on his own. He couldn't make it. We got to stay on Jonah. We have to wake him up every morning. He won't even wake up on his own. We have to get him up for work. We have to make sure, you know, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, oh, my God.

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As if life isn't tough enough.

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Well, yeah. That's too much.

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Yes. And then, and then, in this same storyline, So this kid Jonah is dating a girl in another state or wherever she lives. I think she lives in another state. And the parents decide that she's not good for him. The relationship's not good for him. So she sits them down together. The parents sit them down together. And they say, this isn't working. You two can't be together.

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And then they read text messages from Jonah's phone to and from each other and point out that Jonah was lying to the girlfriend. Oh, my God. When he was sending these text messages, but this is all shown on the television show. And I'm like, yeah, I parenting is tough, man. It is fucking tough. My kids aren't even close to that age yet, but I'm like, I was this kid.

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If my dad had a confessional on a reality television show and had the kind of willingness to talk about it that these parents do, I would not have made it past 18 years old. I would have fled to Russia. It is unbelievable.

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Yeah, well, that's like, who were the other ones that... Kate plus eight or whatever. Kate plus eight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was what were the name? Was that the original name of the show, though? I think it became Kate plus eight.

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No, it's Kate plus eight. And then it was Kate and whatever.

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Those kids got pretty damaged, I think, from growing up.

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Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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They got damaged from growing up on TV and then they got damaged by Kate because Kate. Listen, when you have eight kids that are all the same age, I think it was six that were the same age and two that were different age. Forget about it. I mean, you're going to have to run that place like a military school just to maintain some sense of sanity.

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But Kate really played the role very well of military parent. And I think that damaged those children because it was just not they didn't feel a lot of love. And if you ever watched Kate, I mean, she wasn't an extremely loving person.

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Yeah, she was. There was like a documentary on that, I think, that I watched.

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Yeah, it was a documentary. It was called Kate Plus Eight. Yeah. Just watch it and you'll see it.

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But I mean, I guess at the end of the day, these parents must feel that this might help some other parents by providing this information. That's the way the producers spin it. Of course. That's it. That's how the... I can hear the conversations going on now. You got to include this because this will help other parents make sure that their kids don't do K2.

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Well, no, nothing... First of all, there's... No one cares. All the kids are doing K2. They're not going to be stopped because Jonah did it. Right. Second of all, the only people that are really learning a lesson from this are the children who are desperately trying to have their parents back and not television stars that want to. that believe that everything is good fodder.

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I'm not in their shoes. I don't want to make snap judgment calls, but it just seems to me that after years of watching this television show and getting more and more intrusive on these children's lives, good, bad, and indifferent, that during the really tough times of their lives, maybe there's some stuff that just shouldn't be on camera.

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all right enjoy this tcb lost episode and i promise i'm gonna remember to hit record tomorrow there's my maya copa it's all you get enjoy the next episode of the commercial break starts now

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Maybe there's some conversations where you could just be like, you know, if Jonah wanted to say something, he could go on and he'd say, listen, I smoked some K2. I had a really scary incident. My parents were there for me. We all figured it out. I'm getting better. I'm working on myself. And leave it alone.

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It's a message that everybody can understand, but it's not all the intricate details and how the parents are handling it and talking shit about their own kid. And I understand their argument is going to be, I'm not talking shit. I'm just telling you how it was. Well, yeah, but it sounds like you're talking shit. Because when you're on a reality television show... That's what you do.

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You create drama and you talk shit. You think the housewives of Atlanta, you think the producers there are like, we better show this. It's good for society. That's the worst. It's bad for society. It's terrible. Poor Jonah. Free Jonah!

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You're invested.

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And Freyana. The thing is, I'm really not. I keep it on when I'm editing in the background, but I just hear this stuff and it drives me batty. I'm like, geez, you two parents settle down just a little bit. Like, keep something for the dinner table. You gotta do that. Please keep something for the dinner table. Please, please, please.

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These parents are so up the asses of the children that when their daughter got pregnant... She did not tell them until she was six and a half months along. She was so afraid of what they were going to say, probably what they were going to say to the fucking cameras, that she decided not to mention she was pregnant. That's smart.

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She's got age contraplasia and she's pregnant and she's not saying a fucking word for six and a half months. She's guarded. That's right. She has learned that anything... Everything is on the table.

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Exactly. Nothing's sacred.

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And I don't want to have anything to do with it. And what do they do? They turn that pregnancy into a whole season worth of storyline. But they probably got paid for it. You know what I'm saying? I mean, there's the flip side. When you're on season number 15, I imagine everyone's getting $15,000, $20,000 an episode. You make 15 episodes in a season.

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You're getting $300,000 for making a television show. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I'd talk shit about you all day long if I got $300,000. You would. Yeah, I would. I don't care. Bring those cameras in here.

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That's okay.

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I'll pee, pee, poo, poo everywhere. I want to film every bit of my daughter's potty training and talk about how my kid won't clean up his room. I'll do that on all of it for $300,000. Money changes everything. And you don't want to let go of that sweet, sweet fame. You know? Hey, listen.

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You get addicted to it, I'm sure.

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It's got to be much easier to walk through life when you have a condition that people may see as a detriment. But when you're famous... you know, it turns the tables a little bit. And I would, I'm not saying that's why they do it. I'm saying that I bet that. factors in. It factors in in some way, and that gives you some leverage on the world that you otherwise don't have.

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And you can never fault someone for using their God-given abilities to get a little leverage in this world, because I just said it. Life is tough. It's full of sharp elbows, sharp corners, and dull landings. It's just like, you know, you've got to do whatever you can do to get ahead in life. That's... Your PSA for today. And now you know. And now you know. And now you know. Ding!

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I know, I was looking for my chimes. Yeah. I don't know. And now you know. Still love the Seven Little Johnsons. Still have any one of them on the program if you want to come on. Jonah.

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Talk to our people.

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What's that?

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Talk to our people about that.

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It's a TLC show and TLC locks their talent down pretty good. I don't think they have the freedom to do that kind of stuff. I think other... television shows and programs, they encourage that kind of promotion. But I think TLC keeps that promotion to themselves. They promote it. They don't want anybody talking about storylines. They don't want things going sideways outside of their control.

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So those, you know, Seven Little Johnsons, 90 Day Fiance, all that stuff, we have asked for some of those people to come on when things get hot and heavy on the show. And it's like radio silence. Or one time we had a response, not allowed by contract. And so, you know, hey, listen, I guess we'll just have to take really famous comedians. That'll be our lot in life and we'll accept it.

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Also, we'll be back.

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Got to get all the stuff off the table or Astrid gets mad at us. So just letting you know, she gets mad. We don't want Astrid mad at us.

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Because you get to go home, but I have to sit here and stew in it. That's true. You get the easy route. You have to go home. Jeff doesn't bitch at you about stuff in the studio.

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Because all he sees is this. He doesn't see all this. 5-Hour Energy, which is one of our sponsors, and we love 5-Hour Energy. But I think I mentioned that they sent us some 5-Hour Energy. When I say some, I mean a lot of 5-Hour Energy.

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A whole shitload of 5-Hour Energy.

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Yeah, and Astrid was like, what is all this 5-Hour Energy doing here? And I'm like, well, I don't think I could get through this in a lifetime, so it's just sitting here. She's like, get rid of it. It looks clunky. And I'm like, it's not on camera. And she's like, I'm not talking about the camera. I'm like, get rid of it? What are you, a mafia boss? Yeah.

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I contributed.

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Yes, you did. I said it was Holdley's fault. But no matter how I try, I cannot divert attention to you, Chrissy. You'll always be the angel in this situation.

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Yeah, but that's because Astrid knows me. She knows me too well. She knows I'm trying to pawn all of this off on you. All right. A few things I just want to tick through to get it out. It was International Women's Day a couple of weeks ago.

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Merry Christmas and all that jazz to all the women in my life. Thank God. Thank God. Thank God. Thank God for women.

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Women are important.

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They are very important. Well, Some might argue more important than men. Some might argue that one day women will decide we no longer need men and that we'll just do this on our own. And to that, I say, yay. Just let me hang out for a couple more years. I just want to come. We'll keep you around. Let me raise my kids. I'm pretty benign. I'm not going to hurt anybody.

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Chicken nuggets. No, dumplings. Chicken and dumplings. Chicken and dumplings. Good old Mother's Day dinner with a weirdo in the corner that I didn't attend because I had to get my kids out of there. For their own safety. For their own safety.

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You know, you can keep me around. I'll do funny stuff. I'm like a jester. I can just dance around.

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Now be funny. Yaka, yaka, yaka. But, yes, I will say I love the women in my life. Y'all are wonderful. I don't know what I'd do without you. I'm in love with the female form. What else can I say? If my Instagram algorithm isn't a testament to how much I love the female form, then I don't know what is. I'm just enamored with the – I'm enamored with all of you. So congratulations. Oh, well, thanks.

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And I will also say, congratulations. And I will also say, on a more serious note, 95, 94 to 95 percent, and this is an actual statistic, of all rapists will never spend a day in jail. And that is terrible. What? Yes. Why did you just say that?

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I'm saying this for this reason, because while we may not be able to change the court system or the way that any of that stuff goes down, as men, as part of that group, the men, we have an opportunity – Very shocking. I Googled it. It's true. And and it's terrible. And so while it's out of our control to hold the gavel, most of us will never be judges. Thank God I'm not a judge.

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I will share that as a culture, as men, as a culture, we can teach. the other young men in our culture, and we can share with the other guys in our lives that this is not acceptable. And if we know that it's happening or we know it happened or we think that someone might be prone to that kind of action, we can take action. I don't know what that looks like, but you will in that situation.

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Oh, my mother. My good old mother. She left me a message that some other people in the place are listening to the show and I thought, okay, well, you know, I won't be allowed there anymore, so that's good news. The old retirement home is going to kick me out.

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I'm not condoning violence, but I'm just saying that... It starts with us. It starts in the home, and then it starts in the community, and then it starts in friendship circles. It's everywhere. It's pervasive. And yeah, that's what I have to say about that. Okay. I also read an interesting article, Chrissy, about music singularity and how we are getting closer and closer to music singularity.

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And this really makes me very sad. Let me share what music singularity is. If you listen to a, and we just talked about this like a month ago on the show. If you listen to a rap song, a pop song, a rock song, and a country song right now, it's likely you'll find very similar elements in all of them. They all have same hooks. they all are starting to sound much more alike.

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The instrumentation, the way that the songs are composed, even the notes that they use. And here's the reason. Because the algorithm is determining what sounds good to us. The algorithm being Spotify and other places. And so... What happens?

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Well, when an artist goes to make music and they get, you know, half a million listens on song A, but then they make a song that sounds like every other song that's out there, song B, and they get 10 million listens, they're likely to make song B over and over again, catering to the algorithm, which is essentially just pulling all of that music together into one smaller bucket, and it all sounds alike.

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But hasn't that been going on throughout the years, though? I mean, there was the sound of the 50s, sounds of the 60s, the different artists. I mean, it's kind of trendy, right?

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Well, I think there's a difference, but yes, there's the sound of the 50s or 60s, which is like, you know, Phil Spector sound, right? Doubling up on the drums and the bass and the echo and all this other stuff. But that was a Phil Spector sound. But Marvin Gaye did not sound too much like Creedence Clearwater Revival, did not sound too much like Jimi Hendrix.

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I mean, there were certain elements, I'm sure, that you could find some connection there. Right. What I'm talking about is like the music is actually starting a lot to sound, it's starting to sound a lot like each other. Like a country, a good country song right now sounds a lot like a good pop record, sounds a lot like a good rock record, sounds a lot like a good...

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I don't know what to say anymore. There's going to be a picture of you on the front door that says, if you see this guy.

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You know, R&B or rap record, they're all starting to sound the same. And the musicality of it is starting to sound the same. And so while it may have maybe maybe this is a long time coming, AI and the algorithm are speeding this up. And this is like people are out there like scientists, like music scientists are out there. Like they're saying.

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Music scientists?

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There are music scientists. Okay. The music theory is the science of music. Music theory is the science of music, and I guarantee it's a class you could probably never pass. That shit is really tough to understand. But this has been going on for a long time and these algorithms are accelerating it. And everything is starting to sound very much alike. Like the music that is... That's current.

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That's new. That's coming out.

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Yeah, see this guy. No inties. No tixies, no taxis. No takesie-backsies. Which reminds me, like, I go up to that Starbucks so much. And I know a few people up there do know now about the commercial break. But they don't say anything, which is very nice of them. Some people have said a few things. But it's never been anything that made me feel uncomfortable. I do appreciate that.

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Yeah, that's moving the needle. That's current and that it's popular is very much all starting to sound the same. And since it's scientifically proven, the music singularity doesn't sound like a good thing to me. I don't want all the songs to sound alike. I want a large, diverse...

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pot to pick from and when 33p was around there was no music singularity there i guarantee you that was unlike anything you've ever heard before yes it was the worst it was unique yes i mean i still feel like there's gonna be people artists that want to make their own thing and that will be found yes will it be topping the charts no but i mean not everybody likes the chart toppers

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Yes, of course. Listen, there's always going to be the people who buck the trend, but will will they be? Hold on one second. Hold on. I want to give you a definition of this. So you'll.

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Well, I've heard, too, about how eventually there's not going to be a way you can play songs. I mean, you can come up with anything new. Is that true?

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Oh, yeah. That's also music theory. And it is true. There is no combination of notes. Well, there are infinite. I mean, there are like billions and billions and trillions of ways that you can put notes together. But there are only so many notes in a scale. And there are so many minor and major notes inside of there. And then, you know, the other notes that are on top of that. Mm-hmm.

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Especially like in rock and roll, there's only like six different chord progressions you can really toy around with. And yeah, they all start to sound the same. But if you can orchestrate them in different ways and overlay instruments and songs and vocals and lyrics and whatever else, you know, sound effects on top of those, you can make it sound different enough that it's original.

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The term musical singularity. Recognized as a scientific concept is sometimes used to describe when artificial intelligence or machine learning will bring music to a point, to a level where the music is indistinguishable. from the next song. So technologically, it just starts to homogenize itself and everyone's chasing after those listeners.

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And in order to do that, you have to make a song that the algorithm loves and it has to sound like the last song that the algorithm loved and so on and so forth. It's just a terrible, as far as I'm concerned, this sounds like a terrible thing and I'm not interested. Yeah, of course. And I'm thinking about getting the band back together. You should.

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So we could show the world what some original music sounds like.

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That was unique.

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Was that Wes Moreland? Not Wes Moreland. Wes Scantlin. Okay, hold on one second. Wes Scantlin... Is it Nirvana? Oh, now I have to play this Chrissy because it's in my head now and I got to go for it. You got to get out? Yes. Okay, here we go. Ready?

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Not like I'm famous. That's not what I'm worried about. What I'm worried about, quite frankly, is the things I say on this dumb fucking show. That I'm going to say something that's going to offend somebody's sensibilities. Or they're going to hear something about my personal life. That blows the nice guy. Brian walks in the door, grabs a cup of coffee, says hi to everybody. How are the kids?

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What a nightmare, Wes. What a nightmare, my friend. I mean, I realize my cover of Rage Against the Machine wasn't that much better than your cover of Nirvana, but it was a little bit better. And see, that's what I'm talking about. That's a diverse range of shitty music you have to pick from. We got to keep that going, kids. Listen to new music. Find independent artists.

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Go to the venues and watch them. I was watching this video the other day about the music business, which is just a total shit show right now. Total shit show. I don't need to tell you this. Jeff must know this inside and out. But I was watching this video where this manager of local up-and-coming bands.

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But he puts out a lot of YouTube stuff. He's well-known. He talks a good talk, and I'm sure he walks a good walk. But anyway, I've seen a lot of his videos, and he was saying, in today's episode of The Music Business is a Shit Show, I want to tell you a story about another manager that I know. That manager started putting posts on his Instagram where one of his bands was selling out.

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four and 500 seat venues. And I knew this band and I couldn't believe that this band was selling out four or five seat venues, let alone 400 or 500 seats. So I sent him a message and I said, hey, what's up, brother? I see that you sold out these 10 shows. That's... That's great. Like, how did you go from not even having anybody show up at your shows to selling out these four or 500 seat venues?

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And he as an example, he said that the band themselves only had like a couple hundred Instagram followers. That's worse than the commercial break. Yeah. I mean, it's hard to fill. And we know it's hard to fill any seats when you have that kind of traction. And the manager told him, he said, yes, I actually bought the tickets and I have seat fillers going to the shows.

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Seat fillers being people who just get free tickets and they go and they show up and they agree to stay for the whole, you know, they agree to stay for some period of time or whatever. And the big labels took notice to the band selling out those 10 shows so quickly. And now they're opening up for a major rock act in their next tour of Europe and North America. They got signed to do that gig.

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And I was like, holy fucking fraudsters. Like, I mean, holy fucking craziness. Now, listen, fake it till you make it, all that good stuff. Some people are going to call this a really...

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How's the dog? Get that tooth fixed and then leaves, right? No, he's really just a whiny old dickhead. That's what he is. He's a whiny old crabby crotchety former drug addict. That's what Brian is. But, you know, hey, listen, I very rarely get any shit, but I have met a few of the customers up there now.

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ingenious way of manufacturing some interest in the band and other people are going to say that's total bullshit I don't know whatever you call it it sounds crazy to me that you can that that worked that that worked yeah I mean I guess it's too like the fake followers that kind of thing fake followers and then people then brands notice that and then they want them to sponsor their stuff or whatever yes there's a there's a person that I know that you know there's I don't know there's a bunch of

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550,000 people follow this person. And there's not like two comments on any of their posts. And it's like, okay, all right. So where are the 550,000 people? Where did they go? What are they doing? And then there's some where you look at, you know, there's like some LinkedIn stuff that I've seen where it's like the engagement is so clearly manufactured by artificial intelligence.

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Break Glass In Case Of Stupidity !

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It's like sometimes we get comments, random comments. And I know that they're bots on our Instagram or our YouTube because it's stuff like great information.

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I use this information on purpose, you know? So informative. It's like so informative. And it's just so clear. But that doesn't, we didn't get called by a major record label asking us to open up for somebody. And that's the disappointing part, is that why can't we do that, Chrissy? Next time we go out on tour, next time we go out on tour, I say next time.

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The first time we go out on tour, you and I are getting seed fillers. We should do that. We should have our agent pay for seed fillers and have them clap for us.

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We don't have the money.

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I know, but we'll make it back once we open up for Smartless on their next tour. You know what I'm saying? You don't know what I'm saying. I got a whole plan for this. I'm going to get people to sit in the front row. I'm going to rent the Fox Theater. We're going to pay $160,000 to get all of those seats filled. We're going to have everybody that we love and we know show up there.

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We're going to put on one terribly mediocre show, but we paid everybody to clap, and then everyone's going to take notice of us. It's a PR stunt. Years in the making, but it'll be fantastic. And then I'm going to come out and do my Lords of Acid dance.

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The body dance. The body double dance. We're going to call it the body double dance. All right.

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Yeah, I had to talk about that stat that I heard on International Women's Day. That was...

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That's awful.

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It is awful. It's awful. It's depressing as a matter of fact.

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But we should be talking about it. People should be talking about this. How is that even possible? How is it even possible? And the music singularity is not as depressing, but it's kind of depressing when you think about it. It is, yeah.

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It's just so hard for people to make a living doing music anymore that it dissuades good musicians from making music for a living because we don't pay attention to them because they can't be paid attention to. There's nowhere for them to go. There's no MTV. There's no radio. All of the music apps are just game algorithms.

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Break Glass In Case Of Stupidity !

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And one of the customers is we've kind of become friendly and I like the guy and he's an older gentleman and he's done well in life. He sold a couple of companies. You know, he's got a dog that he always brings up there. And so the dog, after years of going up there and seeing this dog, I think the dog just kind of took a liking to me because it would come by.

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Maybe we should start something here on the commercial break.

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I thought about it for a long time, having like a local regional band come in and play.

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In our studio?

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No. Yeah, right there in front of us. In that three by three foot open available area outside all the wires, cameras, televisions, lights.

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We'll pay them and. Yeah.

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And five hour energy. We'll give them some five hour energy.

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It says energized on the side of it.

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Oh. There you go. Five-hour energized. No, I was going to have them pipe through the TV, but then I decided that we can't even get one person with a headset right. How are we going to get multiple microphones connected to one line that goes in? It just became a big ordeal. But I will tell you this. If you are a musician and you do play music, and it's good, and it's okay,

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and you permit us to play that music here on air, I would consider doing that. I would consider sampling some stuff just so people can find out what's good and what's out there. So there you go. I just birthed an idea. Here it is. If you want your music on the commercial break, send it to me with a note giving me permission to play it.

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Break Glass In Case Of Stupidity !

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He was on a leash, but I'd pet the dog. And eventually, hey, what's the dog's name? Hey, cool. Hey, what do you do? Hey, all right. Hey, I see you up here all the time. Cool. And now, you know, we have like little coffee dates. We're like little coffee boyfriends, right? He'll be like, oh, I'm going up to the Starbucks. Oh, okay, I'll meet you there in 10.

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I get dressed and put on my best perfume and head up there. I put on my makeup and I go up there.

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Break Glass In Case Of Stupidity !

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Yeah. And then we sit on the patio and we chit and we chat. Super, super nice guy. But he's got a fear of speaking in public. And he's got an event coming up. And it's his business, so I'm not going to share all the details. But he's got an event coming up where he has no choice but to speak in public. Yeah. And so I jump in. He didn't ask for the help, but I jumped in.

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And I think the original question was, how do you do it? Like, how do you get on the microphone and talk to all those people? Well, first of all, I don't see any of them. So that instantly eases my mind. And I don't even talk to them live. When I was on the radio... which only happened a very few times because here's a little secret about radio. That's not even live.

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It's recorded minutes ahead of time and then pushed out. And most, even if it's like live, live, which happens very rarely, maybe like a morning show or something like that, it's on a two minute delay. So you're not even really live, live. You can dump it, but you can dump it and move to something else. So nothing really in any media, except for Twitch and YouTube, is really live-live anymore.

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That's a... That's a high wire act that very few people do. So I'm not nervous. I can go and I can edit out something that I say. Now, I very rarely do that because I'm so lazy. But if I should say something that would be, you know, crazy, crass, rude, whatever, offensive, I just go edit it out. So I'm like, hey, dude, there's nothing to it.

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And he's like, well, I just don't understand because I just have this incredible fear of speaking in public.

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A lot of people do. Yeah.

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And I have owned companies. And when I have to get up and give speeches at those companies, you know, a couple times a year for whatever reason, he's like, I'm mortified. I'm terrified. He goes, sometimes I'm on a Zoom call and I get nervous. I'll bail. And I just pretend that the Zoom broke. I'll come back later and I'll just pretend that the Zoom broke. And I'm like, I get it.

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It's not a particularly weird fear. There's lots of people that have this fear. Yeah. I would be lying if I say I feel perfectly calm walking up and speaking in front of people, but I have done it enough in my life that I have some coping mechanisms, mainly narcotics.

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I was going to say.

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Mainly little pills.

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Yeah. There's something about an incredible hangover that just knocks out all the fear.

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You know what I'm saying?

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If you're hungover, you can't think about anything else but that headache. Yeah. But I think one of the things that you do is that you have to be relatively well rehearsed.

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I was going to say prepared.

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Yeah. Yeah. So I think that's part of why I feel a certain comfort when I go to like a podcasting conference or something like that. I know the material pretty well. I'm as well educated about podcasting as I think most people would be. And so I said to him, I said, listen, you just got to know this material inside and out. So I'm going to put you in a boot camp.

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We're going to do a boot camp and we're going to get you ready to do this number. I'm going to help you get there.

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What a nice coffee boyfriend you are.

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Hey, listen, I am a coffee boyfriend of coffee boyfriends. I'm like a therapist and a life coach all mixed in one. But this is my first coffee boyfriend, so I don't really know how you handle these situations. But I just jumped in and offered to help him because I felt bad for him because this event is one of those events where he definitely has to speak. There's no question marks about it.

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He's got to say something. He can't avoid it. He said, well, maybe I was going to think about doing a PowerPoint. I'm like, you're not going to do a PowerPoint. Don't do a PowerPoint. Mm-hmm. Unless it's the best PowerPoint that's ever been put together, no one fucking cares. It's a snooze fest.

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Yeah, because you just end up reading what's on the PowerPoint to the people. And it's like, well, I could have just read it myself.

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Yes. If I had a dollar for every presentation that was given to me by someone reading the bullet points on a presentation, I would be a rich man because I've seen it happen so much in my life as a manager of salespeople, as a guy who's gotten pitched by salespeople in marketing meetings, whatever it is.

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Whatever the million thousand boring meetings I've been in, the boringest of the boring are those who bring in a fucking PowerPoint with a picture of the ocean and a graph that shows your sails going to the sky with a million words on it, and they sit there and read it to you. I can read. I don't need your help doing that. You got to give me some information, like captivate me.

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Give me some information. Tell me a joke. I don't care. Tell me a story about your first girlfriend. I don't give a shit. Just don't read off your PowerPoint. So I said, no, no, no, we can't do that. You just got to know this information. But the first part you got to do is you got to write it down. Like, we got to get to that point. So I gave them some bullet points.

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I said, who, what, when, where, why? Let's fill in those gaps. And I told them specifically, hey, do this, write this about this, give me three stories about this, and we'll start to cull it and we'll piece it together. And then, so, okay. So now we're on like our fourth coffee boyfriend date or whatever. And he knows that I'm a podcaster.

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But so far, I've avoided telling him any details about the podcast. But then yesterday, he's like, so tell me about this podcast. What's it's called? And I was like, oh, here we go. My coffee boyfriend's going to break up with me. I'll never hear from him again. It's all over. This show is called The Ezra Klein Show. Okay. With Brian Greene.

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Yes, smartless. That's the Conan O'Brien. And so I had to pull it up. And he was like kind of newbie podcast. He didn't know exactly how to get it all done. I don't think he listens. He doesn't listen to podcasts. So he had an iPhone, but he didn't even have the podcast app downloaded.

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I have had to do that same thing with people. Yeah.

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So I had to download it. And then, you know, I can't avoid it. What am I going to do? Now I'm really on the spot. I got to actually show the guy that I have a podcast and that this is the podcast. And then I have to press follow so that he can go listen to it. And I'm like, oh, dear God. So I haven't heard from him since.

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But, you know, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the coffee boyfriend relationship continues. He's a fascinating guy. I find him really interesting. You know, I was at a let me tell you a story and I'll see if you agree with this. I was at a bar in my early 30s. I got invited to like a party. I didn't know many people there. It was a birthday party.

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Break Glass In Case Of Stupidity !

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And one of our mutual friends, one of our smelly mutual friends, invited me to like glom on to a birthday party he was glomming on to as they were bar hopping. Do you know what I'm saying?

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Like no one was really invited. We just happened to be following these people around kind of.

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Yeah. It's just like this person is going to happen to be there celebrating a birthday. Yes.

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One of my, this is how it goes. One of my friends' friend's friend was celebrating a birthday. So I'm like five friend circles removed from this. And this girl is turning, I don't, let's just say 28. I don't know how, I don't remember. But she was like in her late 20s, if I remember the story correctly. And so it's Friday night, whatever. Okay, cool.

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Break Glass In Case Of Stupidity !

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I come out to the first bar and, you know, saying hi. But I can already tell that people don't know who I am. They have no idea why I'm here. Why are you at this girl's birthday party? Why is your friend at this birthday's party? Why is your friend's friend at this birthday party? And then how did you get to the birthday party?

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I'm just trying my best to, like, navigate the uncomfortable waters of a new social situation. You know, like, hey, whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I buddy up with a couple of the girls that were at the party, right? And I just start chitting and chat, making small talk. And then we move on to the next bar. And now everyone's in the cups a little bit. We're all having fun.

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And one of the girls and I are sitting at the bar and she starts explaining that this is... I'm like, so how do you know these people? She says, well, these are my friends. They've been my friends forever. And, you know, it's... I love my friends and friends are friends and everyone's friends and friends. And I'm like, oh, yeah. And she goes, how did you know anybody here?

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And I go, I don't know anybody here, but I just met you. And so that's cool. Maybe I have a new friend. And I go, because when you get older, the older you get, the harder it is to make friends. And she instantly turned on me. We were like having a great time, laughing and joking. And I wasn't like hitting on her. Like, it wasn't that kind of vibe.

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It was just like, we were just being funny and laughing and joking. And she goes, well, that's a shitty thing to say. And it's not true. And I go, oh, well, you may have a different opinion.

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That it's harder to make friends later in life? Yes.

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I said, well, you may have a different opinion. I said, but I'm a little bit older than you, so maybe you'll find out down the road that what I'm saying is true. Or maybe you won't. I don't know. I wasn't trying to offend you by that. And she's like, you're saying some really shitty things. That's fucked up. That's really fucked up. And I was like, okay. All right.

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Well, this was fun while it lasted.

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I thought I had a friend here, and now I don't.

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Yeah, I thought finally I was getting comfortable with the 20 strangers I just walked into the birthday party. And now I've ostracized myself completely from the group, as I tend to do. And I'm like, okay, maybe that's why it's hard to make friends. It's because I say hot button stuff like it's harder to get friends when you're older. I don't know. Anyway, it turned like sour super fast.

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Ayahuasca Day Camp

1823.984

Ja.

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Ayahuasca Day Camp

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Oh yeah, you're not prepared for what comes next. No. It's my dick. Spoiler alert, it's my penis. It's coming. Here it comes. Oh, got it on the pizza. Order another one, corporate credit card. Oh yeah. I have a successful naked practice.

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Ayahuasca Day Camp

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Yep. Well, the fact of the matter is, if we would have scored more points and our defense would have held better, we would have won this game.

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Ayahuasca Day Camp

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I don't know what happened to that guy.

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Ayahuasca Day Camp

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Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, this is the Ohio State, to my Georgia Bulldogs, Chris Joy, holy, best to you, Chris.

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Date Night In Atl: The ITP BP & Magic City!

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Yeah, there was another dance hall in that same area that would often change names. But this was Fantasy Factory for a long time. And it was like this warehouse building back when it's all warehouses. So it was like a really kind of weird part of town. Yeah, kind of industrial. Yeah, very industrial. Train tracks right behind it. You could literally hear the train.

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Date Night In Atl: The ITP BP & Magic City!

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And you would walk in and they would hand you a menu. And then there would be the girls would be in this room and you would pick the girl and you would pick the menu. And it would be like, you know, I told you the story. I think once it would be like, you know, jacuzzi experience, massage experience, you know, leather experience, feather experience, whatever it was.

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Date Night In Atl: The ITP BP & Magic City!

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It is like a brothel. But obviously you can't. It's not legal to pay for sex unless you just don't say it out loud. You know what I'm saying?

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Date Night In Atl: The ITP BP & Magic City!

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Yeah, and one of my friends was really hell-bent on getting there. We had been fucked up for hours and hours and hours. And so we went there. I reluctantly went there because I'm not interested in using sex workers. That's just not my thing. It's not my thing. But I went there because I was so fucked up and my friend was so hell-bent on going there that I just didn't want to leave him alone.

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Date Night In Atl: The ITP BP & Magic City!

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I was like, okay, I'll go there. And we'll see. I had no idea what to expect. And he took to it like a duck in water. He took to it right away. He was like, pick his girl, pick his experience. And he's out the door. And then I'm just standing there, fucked up, tweaked out of my mind, drunk as a skunk. And I'm like, jacuzzi experience? And I go upstairs.

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Date Night In Atl: The ITP BP & Magic City!

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A jacuzzi experience, you, sure, and I go upstairs and we are all of a sudden outside on the roof of the building and there is a jacuzzi. And she's like, all right, darling, you know, you get changed and I'll be back in a minute and get in the jacuzzi. And I'm like looking at that jacuzzi and I'm like, I don't want to go in there. No. I don't want to touch that water.

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Date Night In Atl: The ITP BP & Magic City!

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I don't want to touch that water with your dick, let alone my dick. So I got in the jacuzzi. I was wearing shorts and underwear at the time. And I took off my shirt and went in the jacuzzi with my shorts and my underwear. So needless to say, no action happening on behalf of Brian. I think I talked to the very lovely naked girl across from me for an hour. That's what I did.

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Date Night In Atl: The ITP BP & Magic City!

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A beautiful view of the city, beautiful view of her boobs. And then I just left. I left. And I was like, and he's like, how was it? Isn't it awesome? How was it? And I was like, yeah, I just sat in a jacuzzi. What did you do? I got laid. I got laid. That's what I did. Oh. And I thought, well, I guess. And he paid for it, too. So I felt bad because I was like, well, sorry. No, this is not me.

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Date Night In Atl: The ITP BP & Magic City!

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It's not for me. But anyway, you know, listen to each their own. It doesn't bother me. I think I'm not that prudish. I'm not that prudish. To believe or to think that there aren't plenty of guys and girls that are out there paying for the girlfriend-boyfriend experience, so to speak.

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Date Night In Atl: The ITP BP & Magic City!

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And I'm okay with it. As a matter of fact, I think take it out into the light. I think sex work is work. Take it out into the light. You're providing a service. We have had friends that have been involved with sex work, and I loved them dearly, and I thought nothing less of them. I thought, what a smart... way to use your energy, your time and your abilities to help someone else.

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Date Night In Atl: The ITP BP & Magic City!

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And, you know, there's like under the guise of like sexual healing, right? Sexual massage healing.

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Date Night In Atl: The ITP BP & Magic City!

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But it's just weird. I just don't know that I would go to the BP for dinner.

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Date Night In Atl: The ITP BP & Magic City!

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Essentially teaching guys how to be better lovers was the tagline.

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Date Night In Atl: The ITP BP & Magic City!

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That's right. It was a marketing line. It was on the it was on the pitch deck. Yeah. But I'll say that, you know, I never once thought less of her, the person I'm speaking with specifically.

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Date Night In Atl: The ITP BP & Magic City!

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Yeah. And I thought that that was a perfect thing for her to do because she really was a magic healer.

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Date Night In Atl: The ITP BP & Magic City!

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She was a great person to talk to. She gave a hell of a massage. She had magic hands. And she knew, I think, how to energetically handle certain types of, like, I'm just going to say this, masculine energy. And so I think she probably would have been really good at that. Really good at that. I asked her one time if I could use her services. She told me no outright.

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Date Night In Atl: The ITP BP & Magic City!

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You go and you tell me what it's like. I got kids. I can't afford to go.

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But, you know, that's, say, listen, it's not for everybody, right? I'm not for everybody.

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I wouldn't ever. Can I get a freebie? No, of course not. Of course not. I did one time though, after a concert go home, like we were like, everyone got pretty smashed except for me. Unbelievably. I stayed relatively sober. I drove her home one night. She was smashed.

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I drove her home one night and we ended up doing whatever, like, you know, waking ourselves up a little bit with some, you know, some, a little tasty Tina and then sleeping in the same, in the same bed. And, um, And when I woke up, she's like, you want a massage? And I thought to myself, is this the question you asked before the sexual healing? I was like a little bit nervous.

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And she's like, thanks for taking me home. I owe you something. You want a massage? And then I said yes. And it was a magic massage.

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Yeah, you go downtown. I'll stay OTP. I'll do the OTP stuff. I'll go to like, you know, the pumpkin patch.

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Yes, I felt so good. I need a massage. That's what I need. Somebody send me a gift certificate for massage. I'm just going to start asking our listeners to pay for stuff. Send me a massage gift certificate. And if you text me, I'll tell you which massage place to get. It's not Massage Envy or whatever. That place that I went to that one time with the sheets.

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What a terrible, terrible place. I don't even think that place is still open. Anyway. Okay. So let's do this. Let's take a break. I got some fun stuff I want to talk to. I was right about something. And now I'm going to explain to you all the bad things that are going to happen to you because of something I told you not to do after you had already done it.

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So I don't know how the math works on that. But I told you not to do something. And I did it? No, you had already done it. But then I told you not to do it. You said, I did it. And I go, oh, well, you shouldn't have. Okay.

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Okay. All right. So let's take a break. And when we get back, we'll talk about 23andMe.

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The fall festivals. I'll do that. How's that?

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I'll do the cherry blossom festival. You do the BP dinner and Magic City strip club.

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Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large.

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And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules.

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They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything. You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Serea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting.

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Have you ever been to Magic City? I have. Yes. You have to go to Magic City. Yes. Magic City is magic. Oh, yeah. Listen, it is not for the faint of heart.

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Okay, before we get to 23 and me and me, I'm certainly going to read you the riot act here, but I wanted to say that it is April now. So I'm going to let this cat out of the bag and we're going to just kind of slowly build up into this. Chrissy and I will be celebrating doing five years of this show very shortly. I think the actual day is like April 19th or something like that along the lines.

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That'll mark five years of this silly fucking show. Yeah.

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And probably close to 800 episodes at that point. I mean, it's just like, it's ridiculous how much content we have put out there. But we are

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kind of proud of it we are trying to learn to live with it we're getting therapy to be proud of what we're doing uh and uh other people like it apparently from what we hear and uh in conjunction with central talent booking covert creative and our network odyssey we will in may be celebrating mental health awareness month by doing drum roll please 12 episodes of the commercial break in one day.

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That's right. Everybody loves a good endurance feat. Every human, since time immemorial, we have celebrated those who have gone the distance, who have done things further, faster, and longer than everyone else. So to my knowledge, there has never been another podcast that has put out 12 episodes in one day. Now, that's to my knowledge.

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I haven't really checked, but I'm just making the assumption that no one is going to at least attempt this. We're going to attempt it. I don't know if we're going to get through it, but we're going to attempt it. It will likely be on Saturday, May 31st, the last day of the month. That way, Chrissy and I can go directly to bed and not wake up till Monday.

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And and I can put my children somewhere for the afternoon. But we will be doing this to raise awareness about the importance of mental health. We will have celebrity guests on board to help us get through the day. And Chrissy and I will be releasing an episode that we are recording that day every hour.

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for you to listen to uh from 10 a.m until 10 p.m now details subject to change but details all of it yes i'm glad i told you the details because they'll probably change it'll probably be like 11 30 12 45 or some bullshit like that um but right now that's where we're going with it uh and it's very much going to happen now because now we've roped celebrities into it

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I don't think we have much of a choice at this point. But I just wanted to let everyone know that there's the opening salvo. May 31st, mark your calendars. 12 episodes of TCB. If you can keep up with all 12, you're going to get something. And we're likely to give away something on that day, so stay tuned. You'll probably want to tune in. Mark your calendars, kids.

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12 hours of TCB is coming your way to celebrate five years of the commercial break and Mental Health Awareness Month that is May. Okay, now... Speaking of your mental health.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene. This is my dear friend and the co-host of the show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us on this beautiful, lovely day here in Atlanta, Georgia.

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No shit. We should get a therapist. I can't believe you wrote me into this. The original idea was 24 hours of TCB. I put my foot down on that. Oh, I didn't say it wasn't happening. I said it's not happening this time. We've got to work our way into it. What are we going to do at 10 years? I don't know.

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I think we're definitely doing the 12 days of TCB again, which is going to be 23 episodes. We know that. But we'll prepare better for that. We'll space it out a little more evenly last time. But this one, there's no spacing out. We're going in. We're staying the day.

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Yeah, we're considering throwing out a live episode on Twitch. The thing is that podcasts are recorded by nature. There is no functionality on the RSS feed to do live. So we would have to do that on YouTube and or Twitch. But we will record the episode and then flip it back out on the hour. So essentially, while you're listening to one episode, we'll be recording the next episode.

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So that's the minutiae of it. We'll talk a lot more about that. But, you know, we're going to have a lot of time to talk about lots of stuff. So if you have any ideas, anything you've heard us do over the last five years that you would like us to touch on during this 12 hours of TCB, text in, let us know. We'd love to hear from you. And of course, you know, please tune in.

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Set your podcast player to auto download so you get all the episodes. Obviously, most people will not be listening to 12 hours of the commercial break, but you'll have a whole three days, Saturday, Sunday and Monday to catch up on those 12 hours before we start Putting out more episodes the following week. This is so stupid. What was I thinking?

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I was thinking something and I opened my mouth and everyone was like, yeah, let's do that. And I'm like, well, you don't actually have to do it.

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Anyway. Okay. 23andMe is bankrupt. They went bankrupt. Unsustainable business model, lots of competitive. It's a competitive industry where there are lots of companies doing the exact same thing. DNA technology is getting cheaper and cheaper. And so, therefore, the 23andMe model is not sustainable because it's not a subscription service for most people. It's just a one and done.

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And 23andMe is that company that claimed that they could tell you why you liked coffee because you were from the Arabica community. Your clan was from the Arabica zone of Colombia or whatever. It was kind of silly, if you ask me. But the thing that I have always been warning people about since these services started coming in fashion, probably 10 years ago,

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was what happens when the government or private industry that does not mean well wants to buy that information from that company. Because I promise you in the terms of service, you're not going to have the right to say no. They're going to have the ability to take that data and sell it. And they probably will. And they probably were anyway. But now it's on the auction block.

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Let us talk about the weather for 30 minutes to make sure and piss everybody else off and the rest of the country. It's cold up north. It's warm down here, so we're up for a good weekend. Anyway, I was watching... John Mulaney's show on Netflix. It's LA or LA Live or whatever. What are they calling that? John Mulaney Live? I don't know.

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And who's going to get it? Elon Musk? That Bezos guy? I don't know. Dennis Rodman? I mean, anybody could get that information. And then they could have their own database of DNA sitting there, ready for use in what way they see fit, creating new human beings. The splattering blood in the scene of the OJ crimes? I don't know. But you never know. And that's the challenge.

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The challenge is you don't know what they're going to do with it. And you have no say in what they do with it anymore. And now the judge is going to sell it to the highest bidder. Or they're going to sell it to the highest bidder. And... it's likely that the investors in that company are not going to give a shit about where that information goes because they just want their money back.

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And that is the challenge. And that's why I've never used one of those services. Now, to be fair, my twin brother has, and we're twins, so I'm kind of fucked anyway. But, I mean, we're fraternal twins at least. There's a little twist in the DNA somewhere there. But, you know, this seems dangerous to me.

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Anytime we give this kind of extraordinarily, all of our personal information is out there anyway. Our social security numbers, our addresses, our phone numbers. Anybody can be found at any time just knowing how to Google. And now with ChatGPT. Brian has broken. Powering down. With ChatGPT.

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It's so much easier than it was before to find out loads of information on people. I asked Chad GPT to give me a biography on myself and you, and you should have seen the amount of information that it got just reading the internet. It got a lot of information.

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No, I needed a biography for purposes. And I said, okay, can you create a biography on the two hosts of the commercial break? And it came up with a whole four pages on me, less on you, because I don't think as much information is out there about you. But some of that information, I was like, wow, that is pretty spot on.

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And there's a couple of things that I didn't understand or I thought were just wrong altogether. But mostly... the right information, and there's a lot of it. And I don't put a lot of personal information out there.

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Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Well, you want to know the craziest thing? And this is all just leading... This will lead to a point, I promise. Most of my speeches do. You just might have to listen for a couple episodes to get to that point. I...

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asked chat gpt something about the commercial break they had like a new model that came out and i said and it was like a deep research model and i got access to it they're like you get we're giving you access to test it out you know go ahead it's like 4.5 or whatever so i said like i always do because i'm just obsessed with hearing about myself i'm like okay tell me about the commercial break

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And the commercial, and at this time, you and I have recorded our interview with Rory Scovell, but we have not released our episode with Rory Scovell. And it goes, gives me a biography of the, or, you know, the dissertation on the commercial break. And then it tells me the commercial break also has celebrity guests in a segment they call TCB Infomercial.

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Everybody's Live with John Mulaney.

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Here's some of the examples, you know, Lunel, blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada, yada. Do you want more information on the commercial break and their guests? I said, yeah, tell me which celebrity guests have been on the commercial break. And it says, da-da-da-da-da-da-da, and Rory Scoville. And I was like, how does it know that we had Rory? What's that? Your phone. My phone. That's right.

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And I saw two of our good friends on there. I saw Lunel and Pete Davidson.

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It took the information from my phone.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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And we've never talked to Pete Davidson, but I one time was in the same room with him, and so I feel like we're friends. You were. I feel like we're friends. You are. Yeah, I was there with him right before he went to rehab. So I feel like we have this special connection, he and I. And even though he has no idea who I am, I was in the room, Pete. I saw it all go down.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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He was explaining, Lunell was busting his chops about Kim Kardashian, busting his balls about dating Kim Kardashian. And he was hilariously explaining that, yes, I dated Kim Kardashian and now I laugh about it. Like now I realize just how ridiculous that was. I laugh about it. And I'm glad. That shows some self-awareness on Pete's behalf.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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I think he went on a run there where he was, like, dating people for PR. You know what I'm saying? Like, maybe not on purpose.

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She's beautiful. Yeah, when one of the most famous figures in the world, and I mean that literally and figuratively, one of the most famous figures in the world is paying you some attention. You know, if you're into that kind of thing, of course, it's going to be there. Kim Kardashian, not my thing. I'd much rather go with it's Khloe, Kim. Who's the third sister? Khloe, Kim, and Kourtney.

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sometime in the next two weeks.

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But that gives me zero confidence.

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Yes. This is going, yeah. And oh, and by the way, one enterprising reporter pointed out that on the website's terms of service, when you purchase a ticket, it says that Fyre Fest 2 and its organizers have the right to change the date, time, locations, and artists without notice. And there are absolutely zero exchanges or refunds. So riddle me that, Riddler.

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How are you going to buy a ticket for starting at $1,400 and there is no guarantee you will ever see that money again? None. Zero. I guarantee they don't have event insurance because you can't have event insurance because Unless you have an actual event at a location where there's plans for things that are happening.

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No insurance company in the world is going to insure an event that's happening in 17 different places. This is so backwards from everything that I understand that goes on in the event industry, especially the festival industry, that Chrissy's right. It's not a festival. It's a party in multiple locations. They have loosely cobbled together some people who may or may not be involved.

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And then they're hoping, hoping that they get enough people down there to break even. At 1,800 people, you would have to sell. You'd have to sell every ticket to even get any artist of note down there. Now, I'll eat my shoe if they announce like, you know, Green Day or Adele or, you know, I don't know, whoever. Travis Scott is going to show up.

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But I guarantee it's not going to be that caliber of artist. It's going to be like JoJo Siwa. It's going to show up. It's going to be like JoJo Siwa and I don't know, like some, you know, D-list celebrities that you might or might not get to hang out with. It's so weird. How's he going to pay for all of this? It's all weird. It's so weird.

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And he's desperately trying to put on, you know, a happy face for everybody. But I know he's got to be freaking out inside that he announced this. This is his big comeback. He's trying to make it all happen. And it's clear that no one believes him. No one. With good reason. Because he hasn't done this the right way. He should have announced a festival for 2026.

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and then said, and he should have had all his ducks in a row. Here's where it's going to be. Here's who's playing. Here's how you buy tickets. If it doesn't happen, I've got a protection program. I've got an insurance company like Allianz or somebody that is going to pay you back. Don't worry about it. And the tickets are reasonably priced. They're $500 for the weekend, right?

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Or something along those lines. And then if you want to spend $10,000 to get a crazy suite, then that's it. But There's like loosely associated hotels that are going to charge you in addition to the tickets that you're buying.

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It really is cobbled together. It's not the right way to do it. It really isn't. It just shows a lack of professionalism in any organization whatsoever. He had this idea in his head. He announced it. And now he has no idea how it's all going to go down.

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And so you, therefore, shouldn't even think about going down there unless you're like one of those people who really loves to stop at a car crash and take a look at it. You know what I'm saying? That's why I would go down there. I would go down there and not buy a ticket. I just want to be in the town to see what happens.

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Yeah, and there's going to be so much press just crawling all over the place for that. You know that every reporter that works for every magazine in the entire world is begging their editor for this assignment. Please send me down to Quintana Roo for this particular event so that I can watch the shit show and get a tan while I'm at it. There you go. Exactly. Wow. So unbelievable.

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I think Kourtney is the prettiest of the group.

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Yeah, I think she's the prettiest of the group. That's just my opinion. I mean, there's the younger Kardashians or whoever they are, but it's a little too young for me. I got daughters. But I was never really into Kim Kardashian. It was never my thing. It was never my style. But that's okay. She's a beautiful woman. Yeah.

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I think it's May 31st. I think it's the same day as the 12 hours of TCB. And I have no fear that that's going to be problematic for us. Firefest. When is the Firefest? I don't know when the Firefest is. Yeah, I think it's May 31st. May 30th. Yep. May 30th, 31st, and June 1st. Wow. What a shit show this is going to be. I just can't wait. I can't wait to see how it all goes down. Take lots of video.

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If you're going, take lots of video. I know that no one to listen to the commercial break is going because they believe me on this one. They may not believe me on everything, but they believe me on this one. They believe me that this is not a good thing to do with your money.

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I mean, I think you have to have your head directly stuck in your ass to think that it's a good idea to go down to the Fyre Fest. Don't you?

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Or just a lot of extra money. Or you're already on your way down to Quintana Roo. And hey, why not? And you got $1,400 to blow. Let me see what it's all about. But I don't want to see some fucking shitty DJ that played at Ibiza last summer.

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That's the kind of that's the kind of shit they're going to you're going to get, you know, DJ breaker balls coming from straight from his, you know, straight from his five day set at Ibiza's. You know, Ibiza's hottest outdoor beach club. It's like, oh, okay. Congratulations. You know, the brand new YouTube artist, Dave. Dave. Acoustic set from Dave.

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It means there is no one to announce. That's what it means. Because you know that if Billy had anybody of note, he would be screaming and yelling at the top of his lungs how great it is that this artist is coming. Even just one. One A-list artist. legacy act that you could hang your hat on, you would be saying that.

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And then also, if you had that one A-list legacy act, then you could get other people to attach themselves to the show. They would be like, well, you know, okay, Rihanna's playing, so I guess I'm going to play too. Of course. But the fact is, there is nobody to talk about because there is no festival happening. It is totally and literally a shit show. Again, I can't believe it. I can't.

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I've never seen a train wreck so clearly coming down the tracks. Never.

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Yeah. Somebody was there.

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Yeah. Fire Festival founder Billy McFarlane has reassured revelers that the proper permits are in place for the rapidly approaching multi-day event in Mexico. McFarlane proclaimed that the second installment of Fire Fest will be an opportunity for him to amend the disastrous 2017 event, which left attendees stranded on an island in the Bahamas that lacked any food, water, or accommodations. Yeah.

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So Pete, being kind of this goofball stoner character, all of a sudden dating this string of incredibly beautiful women was quite the run. Epic. If I don't mind saying so myself, that is Warren Beatty level epic. A Warren Beatty level run there he went on for a little while. But now he's realizing just how silly it all looked. And I'm glad.

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And it shows a picture and it says, I have a second chance to do right by the people around me and against all odds to turn this nightmare into real dreams. McFarland said via video at Thursday's press conference for the for the attendees, for the partners sitting on stage. Firefest two is about being a dreamer. You are so full of shit.

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Being a traveler and being an adventure seeker around the world, converging on Playa del Carmen to live like Jack Sparrow or live like Laura Croft for three whole days. The festival will host 1,800 guests and feature 40 musical performances. Event associate producer Daniel Martin said, poor Daniel, you have no idea what you're getting yourself into.

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However, the Fyre Fest organizers stopped short of revealing any of the artists despite the event slated to kick off on May 30th. Partner Mike Felb vowed to unveil the first list of artists on the Fyre Festival's social media platforms in the next few weeks. The intention of this press conference... In the next few weeks. It's unbelievable.

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The intention of this press conference is to set the basis of the festival, the foundation of it, the security, the locations, the infrastructure, the hotels. So this is the intention for today. The artist, the first release of the artist will come in the next couple of weeks. So please be attentive to it. Okay. What in the world does that even mean? That's a weird way of talking.

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Another partner named Fernando said the organizers have already secured Fernando. Fernando. Another partner named Fernando. That's weird. Hey, my name's Fernando. Don't worry, dude. Everything's cool. Everything's cool. Come on down. Buy the Prometheus package. He said that the organizers have already secured the permits to make the festival successful. Well, permits don't make it successful.

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They just allow it to happen. But thank you. Manuel Reda, the head of artists and commercial relations for the Mexican event organizer Lost Nights, said that the FIRE team has found a home for the festival in Playa del Carmen. Reda expressed confidence in the FIRE team's ability to make a festival a success. The reality is, of all those, doubts and concerns are fixed with a very simple thing.

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We are in Mexico. What?

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Well, no, they're doing it in Playa del Carmen, which is a major city down there. But I agree with you. Like, why are you giving us the Jack Sparrow? I don't want to live like Jack Sparrow. He was a drunk living in, like, the time of the scourge. We are in the Riviera Maya. We're in Playa del Carmen. There's no lack of five-star hotels, five-star culinary experiences.

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And since founding the new partners.

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You don't have to have a fire fest. That's just a vacation. Yeah. And since founding the new partners, the new team here for Fyre Fest 2 is about building long-term and deep relationships with both the partners of the company, the attendees of the event, and the local supporters in the region, where Fyre Fest will be held. I don't even understand what any of this doublespeak is.

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They're just talking out their ass. The press conference comes a day after the U.S. Sun exclusively revealed Fyre Festival counter-goers will not get a refund if the event is canceled. The top-tier Prometheus ticket is valued for a staggering $1.1 million. The U.S.

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Sun revealed that the second iteration of the initially doomed festival has some unusual stipulations in the terms of service for the multi-day sorority, which has already changed its location twice in the last month. In its astonishingly long terms of service, FIRE attempts to avoid accountability should anything go wrong this time.

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In the lengthy agreement for ticket holders, there are a slew of serious warnings about what one might expect. One such warning reads in a section titled Refund and Exchanges. All ticket sales are final. Absolutely no refunds or exchanges. General emissions start to $1,400. Next step is $5,000, then $25,000, and finally $1.1 million.

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On Tuesday, McFarland claimed on Instagram that they had sold their second Prometheus ticket. Don't believe it. In 2018, McFarland pleaded guilty. He agreed to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay, you get it.

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Yeah, they were sending voicemails back and forth. I'd be scared to send Kanye that kind of voicemail. Like maybe not. Maybe if I was in it, I would be like, OK, Kanye, you got to settle the fuck down. What's going on? But I just think that Kanye is so unhinged. And I realize most of it is like this troll character he's playing. But there are also a lot of people.

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Keep our eye on things. In the terms of service, it says, and you will bear all risks of inclement weather in connection with the event. Events may take place despite inclement weather. In the event of cancellation due to a natural disaster, tickets will not be refunded. All costs associated with the cancellation, such as travel, will be your responsibility.

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Well, that should make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Thanks, Billie, for putting on the second most interesting thing that's ever happened in the festival industry. Menfo being the first, of course. Menfo. Go to Menfo. Go to a real festival. Go to Menfo. Yeah. There won't be no glamping there, but, you know, there's lots of hotels to stay at in Memphis.

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I don't know how to explain it. I don't know what to say. I don't know where to go with it. I don't know how to think about it.

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What that thing is, I have no idea. But hey, listen. Okay. God bless you. You know what, Billy? I do wish you the best.

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Well, I hope they have a rousing good time. I hope they sell every ticket. I hope there's great bands, and I hope Billy pays back every dollar for the first people he fucked before he decides to fuck the second people. But I don't know. I have no faith. I have no faith. I have no faith in humanity anymore, Chrissy. I'm done. All right, tcbpodcast.com.

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That's where you go to find out more information about the show, all the show notes, information about our guests, all that good gravy is available at tcbpodcast.com. I also want to remind you to check out Tim Baltz, our episode on Tuesday. Tim was fascinating. I love him. We really loved having Tim in here. So please do go check out that episode, the TCB Infomercial episode this week.

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We would appreciate it. If you would like your free sticker, we are now sending new stickers out. So go ahead, tcbpodcast.com. Drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your physical address and we'll send you one in due time. Don't get fussy. Don't get upset. Don't get itchy. It's going to happen. It'll be there. Snail mail is not what it used to be, kids.

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And either is our organization here. Add The Commercial Break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break. All the videos the same day they air here on the audio feed are available on our YouTube channel. Go check it out. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. We take them all there or you can leave us a voicemail.

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But then the people who follow Kanye are not all of them, but some of them probably have some, you know, like tinker toys in their head. And I'd be nervous. I'd be nervous that those people would want me.

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Be the next voice of The Commercial Boy. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

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I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. I'll say best to you.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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hurt for some reason, because, you know, you just never know what people are thinking. I get nervous about that here on the commercial break. I really do. Like sometimes we'll get a loose cannon that starts texting us and I'm like, I'm going to not respond to that guy. I'm going to not respond to that guy.

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Most of our listeners, 99.9% of them, it's harmless, good fun, and we're all having a laugh. But then there are one or two who take it to the extreme, and you're like, okay, like, you got to settle down just a little bit. Take a deep breath. I'm just a podcast. You know, I go and have my coffee like everybody else, which, by the way, there is no sanctity in my coffee anymore. I know. I'm out.

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I'm done. I'm outed. And I strongly am suggesting to myself that I go find a new Starbucks because it's just, I'm not safe there anymore. I'm not safe, Chrissy. I'm not safe anywhere I go. I'm too famous at this point. I'm too famous. You don't know the struggles. You don't know the struggles because you're not famous like I am.

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You hide there over in the shadows, making your laughs and your little jokes. And people love you. And everyone loves Chrissy. And Chrissy's the best. And Astrid's lovely. And Tina and Christina and all this other stuff. I take the heavy hits. And I get noticed the most. Of all the people here at the podcast, I have been noticed twice. And that's all I got to say. All right? Twice.

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And it makes me just a little bit nervous. The cat's out of the bag. And how do I put it back in?

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No, I know. Now I go in with sunglasses and a hoodie. I take an Uber. I take an Uber XL.

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Yes. I have a towel. I have someone behind me going like this with a towel. And I walk in and I say, there's not enough cream in my coffee. I act like a dick. That's what I do. That's how famous people act, right? I think so. I don't think so. Speaking of famous people acting a certain way, Bad Baby. You know Bad Baby, the Cash Me Outside girl? Yes. Of Dr. Phil fame.

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Dr. Phil has really brought upon this earth a string of awesome, hasn't he? Dr. Phil, what a shithead. Anyway, Bad Baby, who is honestly... Rose to prominence because of an appearance on Dr. Phil is now a musician and not a bad one by most accounts. People like her music. She was in Atlanta celebrating her 22nd birthday. So she's 22.

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We've been hearing about the Cash Me Outside girl for like 10 years. Then she was like 13 years old.

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And she went to Magic City for her birthday. She went to a restaurant called X1, XV, LX. Do you know what I'm talking about? Let me explain to the listeners, and this is the point I want to make. Bad Baby went and had dinner at a BP gas station. A BP gas station. The hottest restaurant in Atlanta in some circles, depending on how you like your food and your flavor.

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in some circles is a BP gas station where there is a restaurant on top of it. The owners of the BP built a, what was originally right there on 10th street, 10th street. Yep. That's it right down there in 10th street. That BP has been there forever in a day. There was a time when that was not the gas station I would stop at after midnight. No way.

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But then all of a sudden, bikers and trikers and casts of characters, they would all meet up because it had a large parking lot. They would all meet up.

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Right next to it. Like, you know, it was almost like a strip mall, like a BP, a rather large kind of BP convenience store, and then a Chinese restaurant next to it that did to-go food for the Georgia Tech campus, which is right across the highway. It's right there, yeah. Yeah, it's right across the bridge.

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The Cheetah is behind that. Yeah, it's a block down the street. So it's in the heart of the city. Like, if you put a dot on Atlanta, you'll probably put it right on top of that BP. But so when I lived down there, it kind of went from this creepy, weird BP to all of a sudden you would see gangs of people just hanging out there in the middle of the night, 2, 3, 4 in the morning.

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There'd be 100 motorcycles parked in the parking lot and everyone just having a good time. That then parlayed into... Some hip hop stars and rap stars doing like impromptu performances there and large crowds showing up for parties and this and that. And the other thing, the BP took on a life of its own. It did. It just all of a sudden became like folklore, like legendary folklore.

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You had to go to. If you were going to stop in Atlanta, you had to go to the 10th BP. Well, the owners of this BP, being entrepreneurial as they are, decided, well, let's take advantage of this and we'll build an event space. But we have no more room because we're in the middle of downtown Atlanta that almost looks like downtown Manhattan now. Swear to God.

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So many buildings and more of them being built every single day. Tall buildings, like 40, 50 stories in the air. It lines the highway now. And it's just like, there's no room anymore. So these guys, this family decides, let's go up. We'll put on top of our BP, our BP convenience store, an entire event space that then turned into a restaurant that now everybody is going to. They like, it's a thing.

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You go to the BP to have dinner. Mm-hmm. And I forget what it's called, Louis V or XY. I'm getting the name all. I'm murdering the name. But anyway, it's the BP gas station. That's all you need to know. And they are serving food and liquor up there. Yeah. And people are having a good time.

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And celebrities in all types, B-list, A-list, Real Housewives, they're all now posting about their trip to go have dinner at the BP. At the BP. At the BP. Yeah. I mean, I realize that maybe in some places in this country, downtown New York, New York, New York, Chicago, that there may be like convenience stores like 7-Elevens on top of taller buildings that then have restaurants in them.

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But this is not that. This is a standalone BP convenience store that someone put a restaurant on top of. And now everyone likes to go to dinner there. It's crazy. Hey, listen, I ain't hating on the game. I don't at all. I think it's great. I think they're really... They really took the moment and parlayed it into something cool and trendy. But it's just weird.

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I just don't know that I would go to the BP for dinner.

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You go and you tell me what it's like. I got kids. I can't afford to go.

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Yeah, you go downtown. I'll stay OTP. I'll do the OTP stuff. I'll go to like, you know, the pumpkin patch.

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The fall festivals. I'll do that. How's that?

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I'll do the cherry blossom festival. You do the BP dinner and Magic City strip club.

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It's famous. Have you ever been to Magic City? I have. Yes. You have to go to Magic City. Magic City is magic. Oh, yeah. Listen, it is not for the faint of heart. And... When I first went to Magic City way back when, I was one of two people lighter-skinned human beings, let's put it that way, in the building. And one of them was on stage. The other one was on stage.

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And so, but I was, I did not feel out of place one bit. I mean, I never did. Like, you know, I'm literally colorblind and then figuratively colorblind. I don't care. And some of my friends decided they wanted to go for a party and took me. I was like, yeah, fuck yeah, I want to go to this place you guys keep talking about. Oh, yeah, everybody's having fun. Magic City is magic. It's magic.

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And they should do a documentary about it. It is an amazing strip club where you have a ton of fucking fun and you will see the wildest shit you've ever seen in your entire life there.

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They clapping cheeks.

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This is where it all started at Magic City. And I promise you that's not hyperbole. These girls at this club started that. And I think if I'm not mistaken, some of the most famous hip hop stars in the world have danced at Magic City also.

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And so it's like a place to be seen, a place to see. And a lot of people parlay their fame at Magic City, especially a lot of women parlay their fame at Magic City in further careers. And I think that is great. That does not happen at the Cheetah, right? But the Cheetah is a different flavor of strip club.

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It's much more cozy. Yeah, much more cozy. I don't even know. I don't want to know what it is in square feet, but it's like one room. The Cheetah's like multiple rooms. Oh, yeah. 50-foot ceilings. I mean, why do you need ceilings that high? Yeah, why do you need ceilings that high at a strip club? I'm just wondering.

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I mean, I guess if you came down from a chandelier or something, but it's not... Anyway, I don't want to get into the... I don't want to get into the architecture about strip clubs, but Magic City is much more cozy. And the experience is so wild that you're likely to never forget that. If you walk into the Cheetah, you're going to see beautiful dancers and have a good time.

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Yeah, Cheetah's more professional. For sure. Buttoned up. Buttoned up.

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Yeah, you have to go into a private room to get a hand shandy there, where you can probably get off at Magic City if you just don't touch the dancers, you know what I'm saying? Or I don't know, maybe you touch the dancers at Magic City, I don't know. But yeah, Cheat is the kind of place where you'll get thrown directly out for any kind of rude behavior.

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I mean, they took the doors off of the men's stalls. Yeah. Because they knew that cocaine use was going on in there. That did not happen in Magic City.

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They put more doors on the stalls. They put two doors. It's like there's a security door. It's just a different flavor. And I love it. I think it's great that Atlanta has Magic City.

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And there used to be a place called the Fantasy Factory. Do you remember the Fantasy Factory on Northside Drive, the Howell Mill area? No. Nah, you wouldn't have gone there. That's the kind of place where you walk in.

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Then that's a whole different story altogether. Forget about it.

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So I decided that I would go and I would take a look at some old, I found a video, a dating do's and don'ts. How you ask out a girl on a first date. This is from the 1940s. You want to hear this? It's an old PSA. You know how we like to go through the old PSAs. Yes. Let me make sure I got it all set up here. Yeah. Okay. So let's take a listen to – oh, wait. That's not it. I'm on the wrong channel.

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As I am.

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Yeah, as I do. The studio almost exploded this morning. Yes. We're lucky to be recording right now, actually.

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Yeah, I know. You're going to hear this probably twice, but I'll tell it again. I went to go get paper in the closet that's right behind the camera. And as I did, my leg caught the wire that's keeping the camera connected.

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Your toe caught it. My toe caught it and the camera just went whoop. It totally bent an entire USB port, almost in a U shape.

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This is an episode full of Pop-Tarts, dating advice from the 1940s, sketch, and of course, love connection. What the fuck, Chuck? See you on the other side where hopefully I will be a little less fragile and you will be laughing. Bye!

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It almost looks like it was made that way because it got moved with such force. Surprised I didn't date the computer with it. You can see it on youtube.com slash the commercial. Okay. That's okay. All right. I know. I'm always fucking up something. But here we are. We're here and back. Better than ever. Okay. Now, let's listen. This is choosing a date, getting a date in 1943.

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I think this is what this is. Here we go.

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One thing you can consider is looks. One thing. One thing. Thanks for that. If I'm a betting man, if this is your first date, you should probably go with the looks. It's the cover of the book. Yeah, that's right.

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Can't trust Janice with your feelings. She's so hot, but she's a snooze fest, I'm telling you. Never in the history of ever has that mattered to a teenage boy. But good try, narrator.

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Yeah, I think that's what he's trying to say.

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Nope, boy don't care about either of those things. I'll tell you what he cares about. We're talking about 15 year olds here. Yeah. The guy, a kid does not think that clearly about whether or not he's going to have fun, about whether or not she pays attention to him. You know what a boy cares about? Yeah. Boobs.

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tinder i mean is that the way you do it you go on instagram you say hey this girl this girl i know uh she she's a single girl she wrote on on her instagram hey is not a pickup line you will instantaneously be deleted but i think back to my tinder days and i'm pretty sure hey was what i put on every girl i swiped right i was like hey hey you could at least do the h e e e y well you know i sometimes i would hey with a winky face

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And sometimes I'd put a hay with my winky face. My jackrabbit with extender winky face. There's no extender, though. It's just a jackrabbit. Hides in a hole most of the time. Comes out for feeding. I want to be clear.

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Well, Anne's a real bitch. Yeah. Well, Woody didn't give it his best try. Hey, Anne, how about a date? But that is the... Hey. What? That was too funny. Yeah, he didn't give it his oldie old college try there. He basically said the 1940s equivalent of, hey.

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Oh, it's another episode of the Commercial Break. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's Kristen. I'm Brian. And happy holidays.

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Hmm. When the narrator goes, hmm, you know you're in trouble.

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Wow. Woody's got game. Yeah.

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No, it's like leave it to Beaver. He's got like the, you know, the wool suit on or whatever. You know, and the thing is here, it's, listen. You remember what having an old phone was like. You'd have to pick up and you'd have to call at a certain time and you'd have to pray that the parents didn't answer the phone because then you'd have to talk to them. Hey, is Mandy there? Who is this?

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What? Who's this? What?

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Chrissy and I were saying on an episode ago, there was a guy who could call the police department to complain that the police officers had stolen his weed. When they complained that they had stolen his weed. I'm going to give you one second. I'm going to turn this off because it's causing color fluctuations in our video.

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Let me stop to pause and explain to the audience what's going on, why I just said that. It's because I broke the camera. And so when I broke the camera, we had this whole discombobulated thing. We have a TV that's right behind the camera that Chrissy and I can see each other on when we're doing the show. So we know if we look good and all that other good shit.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. I hope everyone's doing well. Chrissy and I still on a millionaire hangover. We're at a million downloads. And we want to thank every one of you both so much. for listening. You, you out there listening to us right now through your ear balls, through your earphones, through your ear pods.

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But because I probably broke that whole system – It no longer works. So I turned on a television show while we were recording.

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I was heading in the wrong direction.

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I know. Contextual advertising. It's all the wave of the future. So Chrissy and I did this show the other day. The guy calls back to 9-1-1. He calls 9-1-1 and he says, hey, I want my weed back. To which the officer says, give me your name. And every time the officer asked him a question to which he obviously didn't want to answer or he needed extra time to answer, he'd go, what?

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So the officer would be like, what's your name? What? What?

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Brian, are you okay? What?

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We're watching the birth of the very first insane clownpathy gathering of the juggalos. The high teen carnival.

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Why does every woman in all of these things, every girl, every woman, why do they all sound like wind-up dolls? It's like you pull the string.

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Would you like to go on the date?

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It's just too cliche to be real.

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Date with Woody. Saturday.

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What will I wear? How much makeup should I put on?

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Who's bringing the prophylactics? We're going to the high teen carnival. I gotta get some sticky icky.

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157.891

Driving, walking, driving, walking, using the squatty potty, using squatty potty or whatever it is you're doing out there. We really appreciate a million downloads. Not possible without you. This million downloads brought to you by you. So there you go. Congratulations to you. Best to you. Best to you. Is all we got to say. And best to you. Congratulations on that. So yeah, a million downloads.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

1572.347

I better steal some sticky icky from Dad.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

1606.023

Little Nas, Big Nas. What's that? Little Nas X. Little Nas X. There you go.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

1611.567

She's getting ready to get her boudoir. Of course she is. I think this is her mom whistling and she's going to go talk to her mom.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

1636.321

Get a new mortgage on your house.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

1648.927

Wow, this is two twinkle toes here. Oh, Ann.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

1659.075

I can't tell the difference between the voices. This is something straight out of casting.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

1713.894

Ah, who's giving you that line of shit?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

1728.465

She's saying that if you leave your boyfriend with enough money, he'll ask you out on a second date because he can take you out. So this is teaching the women to be subservient. Frugal. Yeah, frugal. Make sure you don't spend too much of his money. It's a whole thing.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

1743.27

Yeah, don't order it.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

1753.582

I hope you don't mind. I ordered a champagne cream sauce tower. Fondue. Crab cakes, lobster, prime rib.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

1771.388

Anything. Your gold-plated casino chips. We're going to eat them all tonight. Don't worry about it.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

1786.842

We're going out to play nine tomorrow morning.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

1791.203

Well, it was fun while it lasted. Actually, I don't have enough money for this date. Can you call your mom and dad? Tell them to pick you up. Western Union. I'll be in the casino.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

180.954

We've been talking about it for a couple days now, and we are super excited. Out of New York, breaking news.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

1824.677

Okay, I guess. Yes, you do guess.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

1840.072

It was all a whole different world. Like, you went out, you went out, and there was a phone where you were, and you felt like you would call. Good luck, Chrissy, in the world. See you later. Me and your mom are going to go smoke some meth. Don't come back for a couple days. Imagine how nerve-wracking that would have been.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

1864.535

Just to send your child out into the world and then have no way of getting a hold of them and just praying that they come home. What an anxiety-filled world. Maybe it is better than this 2021. I can literally put a tracking device up me in the ass with a thermometer and say, God, knock yourself out.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

188.618

Breaking news. I'm going to read this to you. Okay. A New York woman named Elizabeth Russett is leading the crusade against Kellogg's Cereals. and breakfast brand.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

1887.38

Oh, yeah. They have the little eye things now, like the eye button or whatever you call it, like Apple, and you can put them anywhere.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

1894.306

Just get used to it.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

1897.789

Oh, okay. I thought I was being tracked.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

1903.393

I don't know what she needs it for. I'm right here in the studio.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

1948.824

God forbid you show your toes in public. I had to psych myself up in front of the mirror. Don't talk. Don't say anything, especially when we're not dancing. We did another episode about being single. And one of the rules back from 1938 was don't talk while you're dancing. A man doesn't want to hear you when you're dancing.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

1972.564

That's it. I don't want to hear none of that yibber yabber. I don't want to hear none of that woman talk about emotions. Don't start crying on me. It really kills my boner.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

1985.987

I've been drinking since noon. Can you stay sober enough to drive us? Ah, you're a woman. You can't drive us home. Don't worry about it. I'd rather drive drunk than let you get behind the wheel. What do you know?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

199.491

In her lawsuit, she claims that the fruit filling in her Kellogg's whole grain frosted strawberry toaster pastries, if you're eating something with more than four names, you should change your diet, that's all I gotta say, is mostly other fruit. According to the lawsuit obtained by TMZ, the Pop-Tarts in question are actually heavier on pears and apples than strawberries. The nerve.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2027.622

Don't waste your money on flowers. She's not special enough. That ad has been with every boy in the fourth grade.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2035.767

Save it for liquor.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2044.832

Get yourself a couple of Rufinols and go to town, boy. 1938.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2056.487

Say, I'll have to run. What is that talk? Say. Say, Christine, how you been?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2063.811

I got to run.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2086.031

Is this a high teen? That's a high teen party. That's a high teen carnival right there. It's a real swinging affair, Kirstie, if you know what I mean. All the kids are in their bebop skirts. The greasers are in the back smoking cigarettes. Smoking cigarettes.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2101.482

Jim Morrison is just being born. It's a whole thing. I don't know if you know this, but a swinging clarinet lets you know it's a rockin' good time at the High Teen Affair.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2132.807

I heard that. I remember when I was in the band.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2139.451

No, 33P didn't, but I played saxophone.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2143.413

We didn't have a rock clarinet.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2147.636

I'm not knocking the woodwind section. I like the clarinet very much. But you don't see it around too much anymore. I mean, every once in a blue moon, someone breaks out a saxophone, which I think is really cool.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2160.943

Love horns, right? Saxophone, horn section, you get it. But very rarely do you see a clarinet. The clarinet is like the stepchild of the wood section. It's for an orchestra. Exactly. Where no one sees it. Like third row. It's usually some diminutive woman.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2188.76

I remember I was in band and I had this band teacher. I won't give away his name. God forbid. God bless the guy. He was just, he was, you know, he was, and he'd always be like, okay, clarinets, pipe down. No one wants to hear you under his breath. No one wants to hear that shit.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

220.63

Which she insists is not enough nutrition to provide nutritional benefits to her body, let alone a strawberry taste. Russa claims that Kellogg's is using the packaging to fool folks who want a snack packed with more strawberries. She is saying that her damages, personal damages exceed $5 million. And she would also like to see Pop-Tarts relabel their strawberry Pop-Tarts.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2249.015

I personally never aspired to be first saxophone. I was okay with third. Right. Because I just was kind of forgotten about. If I wasn't playing the right notes, I'd just pretend. You'd get called out.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2263.564

but actually not blow anything half the time I didn't show up to like the football games and stuff and I'm like this sucks I gotta go sit and play saxophone I don't want to do that on a Friday night I'd rather go get high the high teen carnival that's what I want to do But the couple times that I did, I had a good buddy named Russell, and he played baritone sax. Oh, yeah. And he was good.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2288.029

He was a good baritone. But he played alto sax, too. So sometimes we would enter competitions as a baritone-alto combo, and we'd have to practice these things. Anyway, I think he ended up being first chair at some point. Nice. He'd just look at me like... He'd look at me, and I'd be like... I didn't even have my mouth on the thing.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2327.644

Yeah, exactly. Because when we started a new thing, a new piece of music... Everybody would break into their groups and they'd do it. And then, you know, we'd come back together. And then, you know, he'd be – listen, we were horrible anyway. It was just bad. It was just bad. It was just like a high school band, you know, a small high school band. Right.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2344.793

And so he'd be – and the conductor would be – he'd be so, you know, excited about it. And he'd give us his hand and tell us to get more and more and more. And I'd be like, I don't even know where – I don't know what page we're on. If we were to be on page six, I'd be on page one. I always remember feeling such anxiety about being totally lost. And I'd be like.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2373.904

I haven't broken out the saxophone yet.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2382.228

With your tongue, that's what I say.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2409.303

Fresh out. Fresh out. I got to go tune up for tomorrow's saxophone recital.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2447.108

Hey, listen, I think in 2021, anybody can take anything.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2455.756

Yes, just say so long.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2457.077

And that way you can reserve judgment for later.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2460.201

Sleep on it. Sleep with somebody else on it. Just figure it out. Let me ask you a question. What is the appropriate amount of time to wait to text somebody after a first date?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2473.3

Depends on how much I had to drink. If I had a lot to drink, I'd probably be texting before I get out of the Uber.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2479.307

I know I'm not your dream man, but can I be you now, man?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

251.937

That's packed full of nutritional value. It's got 36 grams of sugar. It's made of basically potato starch. I mean, if you're going to start the morning off right, Elizabeth, start it off with a sugar-coated... carb bomb straight to your gut. Have a cup of coffee.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2510.298

I think a couple of hours to the next morning. If you've had a good time, right? If you haven't had a good time, just text them immediately. Say, so long.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2521.557

So long.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2522.779

Just send them a voicemail.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2526.337

Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath. And now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right. It's 212-433-3TCB. And you can text us anytime you want. Or you can call and leave us a voicemail. And we might just use your message on the show. Once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2547.469

Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at thecommercialbreak and on TikTok at tcbpodcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com. Now I'm going to thank G one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G and here they are.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2628.354

Hey, you remember we were talking about the love connection a couple of episodes back? Yes. I actually found a Love Connection video that I'd like to play for you. Okay. Now, Love Connection, you know, it doesn't move at the fast pace we're all used to. There's kind of some back and forth that goes on here that may not be relevant, but I'm sure you and I can have fun with it.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2646.368

This is the horniest man. I've watched so many Love Connection episodes recently. I mean, by recently, I mean the last six months. This is the horniest man I have ever heard on Love Connection. Okay. He really gets into it.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2681.452

I finally grew a dick. That's it, Chuck. You know how it goes, us boys. 95 pounds. Really? All through high school? All through high school. Chuck acts like he cares. Really?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2709.343

Good Lord. From the time you were 18 to 22, you grew seven inches? That's insane. What did the doctors do to you? You had some special military program?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2722.973

He's in the Robocop program.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

273.417

This is the kind of person who puts half a cup of French vanilla flavored coffee mate in her coffee, has a couple of strawberry pop tarts, and is on her merry way to shit in some office bathroom somewhere in New York where the unsuspecting poor office workers have to deal with it. Unbelievable.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2743.418

don't say they're shapely my mom always used to be like you have beautiful you have a woman's legs that's what she used to say you have such pretty legs you really do brian they're like a woman's legs and i mean like a but a man but like a woman a man woman i was always so self-conscious meanwhile i had hair on them in third grade like an entire bushel full and i was like what does she mean by that

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2776.738

That's why I went through that painful procedure. Took about six years of recovery and rehab.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2786.966

Took a while to get used to it. Every time I walk in the mall, I got to stop at the Victoria's Secret. Not because I want to, because the legs just stop. I don't know what's going on. It's like they smell retail. You said you want to have children immediately.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2855.402

Tomorrow. I'm okay. I'll come back for a second taping. They always do.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2906.758

I bought you these crotchless panties. I bought you these edible nipple tassels. I'm so glad my aunt hooked us up on this blind date.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

2923.668

here's some vanilla flavored thongs you want to try them on I'll take a lick I'm hungry haven't eaten since San Francisco it's a long way up to Modesto I hope you don't mind I started chewing on your panties on the way I hope you don't mind I took a couple bites out of the crotchless on the way up I'm so hungry my blood sugar was dropping quick and my legs were getting twitchy

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

294.929

Unbelievable. Is this really what you have time for, Elizabeth? Who's the lawyer that took on this case? Listen, there's a lawyer that will take on any case. That's true. I will almost guarantee you that there is a lawyer that will take on any case.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3025.533

Ever since this leg operation, things have gone south. I've got to be real honest with you.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3037.488

Two people are clapping because everyone smoked in 1982. Good for you, girl.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3054.769

Well, that's an assessment.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

308.598

As long as the lawyer is not, you know, creating some crime by taking the case, like if you know that your client is lying and you go in front of the judge and claim that it's true, or, I mean, I didn't want to get into it. Never mind. I'm not going to go there. I'm not going to speak politics on here because you guys don't care neither do I. Really, it's boring.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3082.94

That's right. I have a full-size cardboard cutout sitting next to me in the bed. Smoking. We like to watch movies together smoking. I've burned two of them down. First of all, smoking in the bed is horribly dangerous. Oh, my God. I never did that. Oh.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3120.728

This is my ex-husband. I pay him to follow me around. I crush my dates.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3162.429

One day I'll be mistakenly pregnant and I'll get married right after that. It just happened on Love Connection. Where does he choose? The three women Matt had to choose from. It's time for you to match him up.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3178.217

So everybody in the audience is now using the audience-o-meter, which is a button in front of them. One, two, three, yeah.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3214.487

Oh, man, those nipple tassels are going to fit those tits perfectly. She's got an awesome set of legs on her. Our legs knew right away we were good.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3225.851

She's got an awesome set of legs on her. I can fit in those pantyhose. We'll be swapping pantyhose and leggings in no time. Hey, what do you think about Lou LaRoe?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3239.837

I got a great opportunity for you. What if you went on a first date and it was like an MLM meeting? I will tell you. I will tell you.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

325.009

I will say, Elizabeth, Fuck you! And your strawberry Pop-Tarts.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3254.438

Do you remember the young lady that I dated in Tennessee? There was a girl. She was a little bit younger than I was. You were upset because you thought she was too much younger than I was. I mean, she was legal, clearly, but she was, you thought, remember, we got a little bit of a tiff, right?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3268.805

Okay. And listen, nothing bad happened in that relationship. It just ran its course. It went on for like three weeks and then, you know, onward and upward. Okay. But a year later, she called me and she texted me. I don't know if you remember this. I think I told you the story. And she was like, I'm coming in town to Atlanta and I'd love to meet with you.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3285.736

And I was like, oh, I guess you want to rekindle this flame.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3289.799

And she lived out of state. It was mainly the reason why it didn't work out is because I got sick of traveling, right? So a couple of hours before we meet, she says, hey, I hope you don't mind my sister's coming with me and her business partner. And I was like, what? I go, oh, okay. Yeah, sure. Why? Because we have a business opportunity we really want to talk to you about.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

331.036

Stop taking up everybody's time. This is ridiculousness. This is phony baloony baloney right here. And it's of the highest order. If you think that strawberry Pop-Tarts, even if they're whole grain...

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3311.857

It ended up being an MLM scam. Now, I think it was her sister more than it was her. But she just literally.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3323.086

There's this guy. He was dumb enough to drive up here every Saturday night. Gave me what I wanted, and he left. Kicked him out on Sunday. Told him I had to go to college.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3348.168

His legs look great, too, Chuck. It was a match made in leggy heaven.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3366.859

Or the fact that I have lingerie waiting for them at the table.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3439.542

Jesus, they're kissing. They're making out for 10 or 15 minutes. Now, let me remind you kids at home. They have met at his house. Now they go – or they met at a bar.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

344.986

have any kind of nutritional value whatsoever and that the strawberries are going to add additional nutritional value do you know what strawberries have a lot of sugar that's what they have a lot of a strawberry has no nutritional value except for maybe a little bit of vitamin c that is good for you it is very okay antioxidants if you're counting on a fucking pop tart to give you antioxidants you gotta at least there were pears and what was the other one

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3453.753

They were supposed to go dancing to another safe public location. But within an hour, they're back at his house so that they get a beach blanket and some glasses and go down to the beach. Now I'm not – listen, I say this probably happens now here and all that. You just – like I think people would be a little bit more cautious. Caution. Yeah. Anybody ever watch a Netflix special? No. Right.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3474.672

Everyone ever watch I Love You or whatever it is?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3499.501

In the living room. We were on the floor. You know how it goes. He said, I don't worry about it. They're used to it. They're watching Jeopardy. They won't notice anything.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3509.469

Right away.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3548.768

Jesus Christ, Mark.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3554.139

In front of his... In front of mom and dad? It was actually dad that made this suggestion. Why don't you go to lick her legs, Mark? Nothing says I love you like a lick on the legs.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3569.893

Yeah, that'll make you comfortable.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3593.986

Oh, yeah. He's looking. That's how it goes. Chuck just keeps, or Mark just keeps sawing off women's legs and sticking them back on his own.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3615.201

So now did you go to the beach?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3620.286

He just said they did. Well, we sat on the couch.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3677.44

And this, my friend, is why a million downloads is not surprising. This is classic TCB.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3686.085

Oh, we sure did. You did.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3689.968

I had to clean up the evidence, Chuck. I had to dispose of the evidence, Chuck. We killed my parents. They were bothering us. We buried them at the beach. Okay.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

370.894

It's pears and apples. Apples. Oh, man. Apples. This is the kind of lady who walks into a grocery store and is looking for a wet spot to slip on. This is the kind of lady who stands purposefully in the middle of the subway door, hoping it's going to close on her. This is the lady that would literally throw herself down an escalator at an airport so that she can go ahead and file suit.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3734.673

You know the producers have told him not to take that story any further. Right. They go, okay, we get it. You're fucked. But kissing. Yeah, just kissing. Prime time audience, just kissing. That's all I want you to talk about.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3749.917

I finished on her back. threw a dirty dish towel and said, why don't you clean up while I take a shower? Because I'm a gentleman through and through.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3771.37

Staying for free with my parents. The waves are free.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3775.651

The beach is free.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3778.312

I already have the blanket. Didn't want to get that all messed up, so I finished on her back and went about her way.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3790.296

Go jump in that dark ocean. Go jump in the dark ocean and clean yourself off. I'll meet you back at the apartment.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3830.22

I guess you figured that out. You better put your dick away, Mark. I know the 15 pressure points on a man and a scrundle sack is one of them. I will take that other testicle out, Mark.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3849.155

Oh, wait.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3876.158

I mean, we had a great time and everything. Yeah, call me again, but they're going to pay for a second date. I might as well try.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3882.486

I might as well sample the wares, if you know what I mean. I think the record on this, here's how it works. If the audience chooses a different person, so you go, I imagine you go to the studio or they send you a couple of tapes. You have these three choices. You pick the person you want to go on a date with, or you let the audience choose. Yes.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3899.303

If you pick the date, and then at the end of the date, the audience chooses someone different, you can then go on a date with that person.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

390.883

This is the lady who sues Kellogg's for a Pop-Tart having two little strawberries in it. Okay. This is insane. This is insanity. Why? Why? Why? Let me tell you a little story.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3906.928

And they'll pay for it, and you come back and you talk about it. Right. I think the record is five. I think someone has been on there five times.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3918.235

Or they had a bad date.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3920.196

Then they take you up on it. Take you up on it. And then after five times...

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3924.119

Yeah, but there are bad dates that happen. And maybe we'll review those in a future episode because that seemed to be funny. I didn't think that was going to be all that funny, but it actually ended up being pretty funny. Sometimes you just don't know until you get on air and you start working with it.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3936.469

Yeah, some of the things you think are funny are duds, and then some of the things you think are duds are funny. Yep. So, all right. Well, listen, I had a great time here today.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3948.148

Congratulations on a million downloads.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3953.689

Well, don't worry. Next time I stop by Victoria's Secret, my legs are just going to walk me right in there. Remember to go to TCBpodcast.com. Please do that. Follow, like, subscribe, rate, review, all that stuff on your favorite podcasting platform. It really does help us out. It does. And we certainly would appreciate it. I know a lot of you have already done this, but I would implore you.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

3973.775

Do it again. Do it again, or if you haven't done it yet, I know that it just takes a few minutes out of your day, and it really helps us. I want to thank all of our sponsors for TCB. If you can, buy their products and services because that also helps us out. And if you want your collectible TCB sticker, we've just got a few left of the first edition.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

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To find out how you get that sticker and where you get that sticker, go to tcbpodcast.com and click on the button that says TCB. Give me my sticker.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

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Yes. I want to thank once more Siete Chips, Project Pollo, and Moon Cheese for providing snacks for the studios. Okay, that's it. That's all I can do today. What else do we need to do?

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

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Okay, so I'll say this. I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, we must say bye.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

410.254

I mean, if you're eating it again, if you're eating it Subway and you're expecting that your tuna salad has tuna in it, you got to you got to like Subway has some of the real investigative journalism that's coming out. Subway has some of the worst quality meat you have ever seen in your entire life. It actually shines rainbow colors if you look at it under under lighting. I'm not even kidding.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

432.886

Like when you're walking through the aisle, if you see one of those, you know, one of the lights up top, you can it's like a mirror. You can see it on the turkey and it's shining all kind of bright colors. You know what that indicates? It's not fucking meat. That's what it indicates. It's just some conglomerate of like pig anuses or something. I don't know. Let me tell you a little story.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

449.374

Go back in Brian history and tell you a little story. It's about two years ago. I'm in a car full of in-laws and we're coming back from something or the other. And it's about 10 o'clock at night. And we decide, or somebody decides in the backseat, you know what would be really good right now? Ice cream. Let's get some ice cream. But there's no ice cream shops open at 10 p.m.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

466.452

It's just not the way they roll. The kids go to sleep early, so they're not open. So we decide the only ice cream that's palatable at this time of night is either we go to the store, which no one wants to do, or we go through a McDonald's drive-thru and get a hot fudge sundae. Now, that just all largely depends on whether or not the hot fudge sundae machine is actually working, right?

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

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Because most of the time, the hot fudge machine is not working. That's a whole different story altogether. We go through the drive-thru. The guy tells us to please pull forward and he'll bring us his hot fudge sundaes.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

500.725

courteous courteous very nice young man 10 30 at night there's no one else in the drive-thru line i might mind you right so he comes he gives us our our sundays all of us there's like five sundays and before i even before i even open up my spoon i can already smell something that smells like a dead raccoon it smells awful it smells awful i mean it's it's worse than shit it smells worse than shit now

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

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And the thing that I'm holding is all sticky. It's like everything's sticky, right? And so I put the ice cream up to my nose. I have a highly sensitive nose. I'm like, I have a hose for a nose. I stick it up to my nose, and guess what? It's the ice cream or whatever's in the ice cream. Rancid ice cream. Rancid something is in there. It is fucking disgusting.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

548.99

So I say, everybody, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Smell your ice cream, right? To which then everybody goes around smelling their ice cream, and they all smell like this.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

558.896

So I'm like, okay, let's throw these out. Smell my finger. Smell my chin. Yeah.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

572.126

Smell my chin. How did your date go? So I don't know. Smell my chin. So I just say throw these away, right? And we'll file a complaint with the manager because it's 10 o'clock at night. There's a bunch of young teenage punks in there. They're not going to do anything about it anyway. Well, Astrid is like, no way am I letting this go. So her and Gustavo go in. They have a conversation with the guy.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

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The guy, you know, says, oh, yeah, those do smell bad.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

599.163

Yeah. And then I don't know. I forget what happens. I think we got our money back. Astrid wanted to follow up with this. So I ended up calling a general manager like inquiry line. Right. And I said something. But I think back on that, whatever they had handed us was certainly rancid. It was bad. It was really, really bad.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

618.371

We could have easily called the health department and or filed a lawsuit based on them endangering our health. We should have kept it, got it analyzed, whatever was in there. There might have been decomposing body material. Somebody might have been buried in the fryer or something. I'm not even sure. But I never did that. You know why I never did that?

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

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Because I'm not that fucking asshole who's going to go file a $5 million lawsuit against McDonald's. Nothing happened. I didn't need it, right? It's just a bad smell on my fingers. That's what ended up happening. And if I filed a lawsuit every time my fingers smelled bad... We'd be in court all the time.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

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I know you're already on your phone. So pull up Instagram and follow us at The Commercial Break and then follow us on TikTok at TCB Podcast. Done? Perfect. Thank you. Since you're at the ready, why not text us hello at 212-433-3TCB. Or if you've got some drama in your life, a little fun story, or anything really, we're desperate for content. Call and leave us a message at 212-433-3TCV.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

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And don't forget to check out TCBpodcast.com because that's got it all. Speaking of having it all, let's listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the commercial break.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

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This podcast is brought to you in part by our good friends at Squarespace. I love talking about Squarespace because it's one of the tools that we use in our own business. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

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Using Squarespace, I've been able to launch multiple websites and even build a business around launching Squarespace websites because they make it easy, it looks super professional, and it gives you all of the tools that you need to be successful online. Let me give you a couple examples of those tools. One of our favorites is the new Design Intelligence from Squarespace.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

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Combining two decades of industry-leading design expertise with cutting-edge AI technology, you can unlock your creative potential. This helps you personalize a website unique to your needs. What about creators like me who want to sell content? Squarespace makes it easy to sell access to content on your website. Courses, blogs, videos, podcasts, and membership.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

768.871

That reoccurring revenue everybody is looking for so your clients can get access to your content for one-time fees or subscriptions. and then you're definitely going to need a way to take the payments. Squarespace Payments is the easiest way to manage your payments and not get lost in a sea of coding. The onboarding is fast and simple.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

785.399

You can get started in just a few clicks, and pretty soon you'll be receiving payments. Check out squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash commercial. and you'll save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. That's squarespace.com slash commercial, and you'll get 10% off that first purchase of a website or a domain.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

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And thanks to Squarespace for being a continuing sponsor of our small business and the commercial break.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

85.214

Hey, hey, hey, and happy new year to you, my podcast pals. I don't know about you guys, but I am violently hungover and my entire body hurts from dancing my ass off last night. So that brings me to today. It's here. It's happening. It's another TCB Classic. Dug right up from the very bottom of the annals of TCB all the way from 2021, if you can believe it.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

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I was trolling on the internet. As I do.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

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As I do. And I was saying this on Fireside. My wife started watching The Bachelor a couple nights ago. It's back. It's back, which means 21 weeks of Bachelorette every fucking night, five nights a week or whatever it is. There's so much of that show that goes on, the different versions of it and all this other stuff.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

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And it got me really like thinking about dating in general and how difficult dating in general really is. And especially in 2021. And I'm not even dating. I have no clue what it's all about. I'm just guessing that it's really a lot harder than it was when I was there.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

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I mean, I'm lucky to have kind of fallen into a situation where I fell in love very quickly and we got married and it ended up working out. So far.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

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But in 2021.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

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It's tough. Yeah, it's tough. The rules have changed. The game plan is not the same as it used to be. And people get hurt. Feelings get hurt. Things happen. But so rudely these days, so rudely and intentionally, that it really makes me think either people are turning into big assholes or they're all scaredy cats.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

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You're so scared of everything that you have to ghost everybody on the moment's notice.

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TCB Classic: WTF Chuck!

991.158

Any little thing that bothers you.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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So I go down there completely empty. It's just a couple of people from the building. It's usually has a lot of people in there because it's really one of the only places to eat around. And the food is terrible, but the people are really nice, you know, and it's like it's at that time like five dollars for lunch or whatever.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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And so I said to the old lady behind the counter, I said, that's going to suck. You closed for three days. Essentially, you can't get anybody else in here. She goes, oh, no, no, no. They paid me good money. They paid me really good money to close my store. She's like, I don't care. And they let me keep on feeding the people who are in here.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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And she goes, and who knows, maybe one of these guys will walk in and have it. And I said, oh, that's great. So I get it. And as I'm walking back out, the most sharply dressed man I have ever seen in my entire life. We're talking like white linen suit with an ascot and hair and million dollar sunglasses and rings and jewelry and shoes that were shot. I could see my face in.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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is walking in and he's just like, he opens the door like this. He's like, you know, with the back of his hand, right? Like a proper gentleman does. Swings it open. And I said, oh, excuse me. And he goes, darling. does you know if the shoe store at the end here sells shoes or makes shoes? What's the shoe store deal? And I go, I don't know.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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Actually, I've never been to the shoe store, but I'm sure it's... You want to go together? I'm sure it's great. Yeah, no, that's not what I said, but I'm sure it's nice.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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And he goes, so much time to kill. That's what he said. He goes, so much time to kill. I wanted to stay, but I'm leaving out the door. What can I do? Just turn around and sit there and watch this. I look like I've, I don't, the guy's not, I don't even know if the guy's famous, but he looks to be famous. Like, I think he must be famous.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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He had the air of femininity. Femininity. Femininity. Femininity.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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So I go back out. Now I'm smoking another cigarette. Now I'm like killing myself double time with cigarettes because now I don't want to leave. Now I'm like I'm caught up in the action.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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Terrible food that I'm not eating. 15 cigarettes. It's not even 830 in the morning. I've got no work done. Zero work. My boss is pissed, but he understands, right? They don't smoke, but they're also coming up and down the stairs and checking it out. So I'm standing there. Guy comes out. No food in hand. Nothing, right?

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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Comes out five, ten minutes later, and he walks into the trailer, and he grabs Mick Jagger, and the two of them go down to the shoe store.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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I don't know what they do in the shoe store, but now there is a buzz in the air. Everyone is buzzing about Mick Jagger and this guy flitting and flotting around town. So, hour later, you know, I go upstairs to pretend like I'm working for 15 minutes, go back downstairs to smoke my 15th cigarette of the hour, and old boy is back. Hey, guitar tech is back. He's not smoking.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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He's just shooting the shit. Hey, man, da-da-da-da, yada-yada, ba-da-ba. Okay, yeah, yeah. I go, who is that guy that's with...

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1198.483

mick he like he looks not you know he's really fancily dressed he goes oh that's mick's boy and i go like boyfriend he goes no no no don't get it mixed up it's his boy and i go oh okay what does that mean he goes oh the shopping the restaurants the he takes care of the things he does the things right whatever the things are he does the things the personal personal assistant it's um

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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What do they call them? Like a professional concierge, like a personal concierge. I had never even heard that this was a thing.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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A man-in-waiting. That's it. That's the term I'm looking for, a man-in-waiting. Like a guy – like Prince Charles has one of these, right? They just follow him around and fluff him up wherever he goes. His hair is a mess. They do his hair. His sunglasses are dirty. He cleans it.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

124.255

Mick Jagger was the nicest, nicest guy you could have imagined. I mean, he really was. Generous to a fault. Love that. Nicest he could be. Talking to everybody. Anybody that wanted to have a conversation, he stood for a minute.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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Oh, my God. This was like I my eyes were open. I wanted all of this. I was like, this is amazing. I want a man in waiting. I want a trailer. I want to rent a hotel for the day to do nothing. You know, have everybody stand around. It was just like the being in this was so much excitement. And Mick Jagger is so fucking famous. that gravity bends when he's around.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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I'm not even the biggest Rolling Stone fan in the world. I love the Rolling Stones, but I'm not the biggest Rolling Stones fan in the world. And there were only maybe 100 of us that were privy to even be on the street when this was going on, like general public. And everybody was taken with Mick. When he comes back out of the shoe store, he comes over.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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And kindly chats with anybody who had something to say.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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It was amazing. We got to say hello. We got to talk. We got to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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Yeah.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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The most amazing thing about this whole day, that, by the way, went on for two days. Like, this all went on for two days. Mick and Keith were there. I have a really crazy story about Keith Richards, but I don't know if I'm going to share it on air, because I don't know if I should. But...

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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But the craziest thing was, is that so Mick goes and he records whatever he's doing, you know, blocking, camera blocking or whatever. This goes on for a couple of hours. And now it's like seven o'clock at night and I'm still there. And my wife is wondering where I am. But the lights and the rain machine, it's all very exciting to me. And I've been hanging around now with this guitar tech.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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And the guitar tech says, you know, listen, if you want to go to the show, I got a couple tickets. I can certainly get you a couple tickets if you want to go to the show. I'm thinking, this is amazing. When Mick comes out at one point, he's over there and he's talking, him and the boy and the guy, and they're talking to the guitar tech. And I'm standing close.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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And the guitar tech says, I think we're going to get him to come to the show. And Mick says, well, great. We'll treat him right then. Treat him right. Make sure he's sitting close. And he goes, yeah. The guitar tech goes, yeah, you mean like close, close? And he says, on stage close. And I was like, on stage close? Yes. Because that's where the rich people sit is on stage.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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Rich people don't sit out in the crowd. Not Brian Greene. No, sorry, Bob.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

140.299

Giving out gift cards to Mick's to Chrissy's version of Mick's, which is Mick Jagger's. 17 locations throughout the Atlanta area. It's franchised.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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Yes, I'm wearing slacks that are three sizes too big with a hueyabera and shoes from eighth grade.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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Doc Martens. I must have looked like such a bum. The way that I dressed back then was like a mishmash of craziness. It really was. It was total craziness. Mick Jagger was the nicest guy.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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nicest guy you could have imagined I mean he really was generous to a fault love that nice as he could be talking to everybody in the anybody that wanted to have a conversation he stood for a minute giving out gift cards to mix giving out gift cards to mix to Chrissy's version of mix which is Mick Jagger's 17 locations throughout the Atlanta area it's franchised And who knows?

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1455.38

Maybe Mick will show up. I just had to tell this story because when you said Mick Jagger, the story slipped my mind, but it's the most obvious story to tell that Mick Jagger really is very, very nice.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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I did. I went to the show. And I went to the show. They put on a great show. And I sat on stage. Nice. Yeah. I sat literally in a metal chair on stage, side stage.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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It does not get better than that. And... Keith Richards was nice enough to give me a high five on the way out the door. And what more could you ask for?

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1492.882

A pack of cigarettes. It worked. The best thing about... That's it. That's all you needed. Smoking cigarettes has its benefits, kids. It really does. Because every musician probably smokes cigarettes. The best thing about all of this, the funniest thing about all of this, the best thing about all of this is not actually the Rolling Stones. But do you remember that band that sang the song...

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1517

Of course. Remember that? What was the name of that?

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1530.99

Little Miss, Little Miss, Little Miss Campyron. Spin Doctors.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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The best part about this was is that the guitar tech was like good friends with the spin doctors who also happened to be in town. And I went to the spin doctors concert. And let me tell you something. While the Rolling Stones were great, the spin doctors are where the party is at.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1554.011

guy is crazy really that dude is crazy i don't even know if i should tell that i mean that story is insane but the spin doctors know how to party that's all i gotta say the rolling stones you're probably likely not going to get to party with them no spin doctors anybody it's all welcome yeah when you're a one-hit wonder and your days of long since passed and you're just hoping to sell tickets

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1578.198

Share the drugs. That's all I got to say. Share the drugs. All right. Hey, listen, we might talk to some listeners. Let's see if we can get them on the phone.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1585.303

So let's do this. Let's take a break. And when we get back, maybe we'll talk to somebody.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

162.09

Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene, this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1680.319

Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1698.354

And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

170.037

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. The other day we were talking about Mix, which you mistakenly had thought that it was Mick Jagger's restaurant. It was not Mick Jagger's restaurant, but I can kind of see how you might have thought that. Got it all twingle twangled in your head.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1717.145

They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything. You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Serea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. Yeah, that's a hard one to get out of your head there. Yes, thanks for getting that in my head.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1748.743

That was an interesting song, and it was an earworm that just went... Like, you know, 1990s viral, which meant that they played it every 15 fucking minutes on the radio. It didn't stop. The spin doctors were everywhere. And for the life of me, cannot remember another song that they sang. Not one song that they sang. But this whole conversation reminds me that I wanted to share something with you.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1776.576

See if there's another song.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1782.898

Well, yeah, all one-hit wonders have that other song, right? The other song that almost was as famous because gravity kind of pulled them along with it, right? So it's like, I don't know. It's just one of those things. Okay, hold on.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1813.345

Cleopatra's cats? Okay. All right.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

186.249

Though I did find a notable mention about Mick Jagger here in Atlanta and that Mick spent quite a bit of time here in Atlanta. He lived here for a period of time. He filmed a movie here. I can't remember the name of the movie, but it was like some sci-fi, futuristic sci-fi movie. What was that called? A Night Run? Something like that. Anyway, he's the star of the movie. It's terrible.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1870.76

579 million streams of that song on Spotify. They have 4.1 million monthly listeners. Maybe the Spin Doctors were the hit. I didn't think they were. Are the spin doctors good and I just missed it? I mean, I went to their concert. Now, granted, I was pretty drunk, but 60 million on Little Miss can't be wrong.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1903.593

Oh, I remember this one, too. Okay. What?

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1908.939

It all goes back to Pop, Pop, Popper. Yeah.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1919.07

John Popper was a part of the Spin Doctors? Yes. Where the fuck did I fall off the turnip truck? Well, you can't have two lead singers. You can't have a guy with great songs like Cleopatra's Cat and John Popper in the same band. That's too much talent in one band.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1941.874

John Popper. Was he their first lead singer or something?

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1948.178

The Trucking Company.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1953.581

Well, I would say that in both cases, they made a smart decision because the Spin Doctors and Blues Traveler is infinitely better than the trucking company. Where are you going tonight? I'm going to see the trucking company. Okay. Where are you going to see them? Open mic. That's where. That's the difference. Okay. I remember this song, too. And that's called Jimmy Olsen's Blues.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1983.614

Jimmy Olsen's Blues. I'm just going down the list here to see if we can... No, don't remember that one.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

1999.802

No, Cleopatra's Cat. Wow, they've been making... Oh, they just put out an album. Face full of cake. Okay. All right. Not strong in the naming department, but okay. I did see them for free, so I guess there's that. I can't even find Cleopatra's cat here. Maybe they changed the name. Maybe they just decided, nope, none of that. No, literally can't find Cleopatra's cat.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2035.091

Spin Doctors from the Road, 1994. Pocket Full of Kryptonite.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2041.376

Oh, you want to play this Cleopatra's Cat?

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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Okay, here.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2046.481

Okay. Was it on Cleopatra? Was it on Pocket Full of Kryptonite? No. Home Belly Groove. Okay, hold on one second. Cleo.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2062.294

I'm sure they are. Okay, Cleopatra's cat. Here we go. Cleopatra's free cat. Okay, that was enough of that. All right. That was not two princes.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

207.883

I've seen it, but it's filmed here in Atlanta. So for a period of time, Mick Jagger and Atlanta were kind of a thing.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2081.711

Yeah, they had to take it down. You can't run like that. You can't go 180 miles per hour all day long. That guy is crazy. I mean, I saw him. 15 years after their one... I mean, they didn't... Okay, so they had two or three songs that you remember. But I saw them 15 years after that, and that guy was still bouncing around like he was 12 years old.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2105.355

And Blues Traveler, we got to give it to Blues Traveler about something. They... They had infinitely more listenable songs than Spin Doctors, that I know of. But with 4.1 million listeners a month? They're still doing something, right? They're still doing something, right? Let's see what Blues Traveler has here. Hold on. Blues Traveler has... No, not the playlist. I want to see the artist.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2130.376

Are you ready for this? In a great injustice of one of the injustices of our time, Blues Traveler only has 2.3 million listeners a month, while Spin Doctors have 4.1.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

214.868

We were co-mingling. But I got to thinking about Mix and that restaurant, and I got to looking back at pictures about that restaurant. And what I realized after we got done recording that episode was not only do I know Mix, not only had I been to Mix, not only did I remember the whole Mix situation... But I went there for homecoming.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2146.007

That's crazy. Runaround only has 161 million streams, while Two Princes has 563 million. How is that possible? What are you people thinking?

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2164.605

Let's think about another band of that time that was very similar. Maybe not similar. They were really quite unlike anything I had ever heard before at the time. But I burned out the album, as did everybody that I knew. Rusted Root. Oh, yes. Do you remember Rusted Root? Okay.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2187.596

Send Me on My Way. Send Me on My Way.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2221.701

But Send Me On My Way rightfully has 529 million.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2228.368

Still everywhere. It's on commercials now. It is. I see it. Brusted Roots' Send Me On My Way is coming back in fashion, as all things do. Pretty soon we're all going to be hearing Two Princes again also. We're going to be walking in that retirement home. And Two Princes, Send Me On My Way.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2246.664

That's right. And Black from Pearl Jam is going to be playing. Alice in Chains. Alice in Chains. If there's any justice in the world, Alice in Chains. If not, it's going to be Cleopatra's cat. Unbelievable. Cleopatra's Cat. What are we thinking? That's a terrible name for a song. It's a terrible subject for a song. You don't do Cleopatra's Cat. Cleopatra. You talk about Cleopatra.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2276.831

No one cared about her cat. But very briefly, what I did want to talk about, while we're talking about music, since we've wasted 20 minutes on Spin Doctor, it's my fault.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2291.58

everybody go listen to blues traveler and get those monthly yeah get those monthly things up let's let's give blues traveler the the time of day that they deserve because blues traveler honestly and if you've ever seen blues traveler live then you know blues traveler is one of the great live rock and roll bands they really they really are part of that first like horde yeah horde tour i think they helped put it on palooza maybe

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2314.338

They were in Lollapalooza. I saw them at Lollapalooza. They did Horde, which was short-lived but very good. It was kind of more – I think Rusted Root also did the Horde Festival. Those like early baby festivals that now have turned into these mega monolith festivals.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2332.854

huge festivals, like all those little seedlings were planted really in the nineties, all like all trying to be the next Woodstock, but a stampable audible version of Woodstock, a little more contained, a little more, you know, okay, let's put some good bands together.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2346.308

Let's have a day, maybe two when we go out there or three in the case of Lollapalooza, where we go out there, we play for a couple of days have, and I think the first Lollapalooza was one day. I think it was one day, and I think it was like 20 bands in one day, starting at noon, ending at midnight, you know, kind of thing.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2365.562

Yeah.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2366.302

It was insane.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2370.144

Rage Against the Machine. They also had one about the... The Tibetan Buddhist. Yeah. Remember that one? Beastie Boys, Widespread Panic. It was like a bunch of bands that played from that. But you think about those early, quote unquote, festivals, which was not like camping. It was just like you'd show up at the place. You'd see a whole day of music. Those were all fucking fantastic.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

238.62

Yes. You know, for years, you know, you get a little older, a little longer in the tooth. And memories sometimes become like cartoons. They're little snapshots. You remember certain things, but it's not crystal clear. Everything is not crystal clear. You'll learn this as you get older, kids. It's not all crystal clear, fun, shits and giggles.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2393.421

And now they've turned into these huge events where you spend a million dollars. And we've talked about it. I don't need to beat it up. But one of the things I did want to talk about while we were on music is music. Henry Hall. Do you remember Henry Hall? Yes, yes, yes. Sharp-eared commercial break listeners will remember that I was a fan of a show called Friday Night Dinner.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2418.106

Friday Night Dinner was a show from the U.K.,

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2423.73

about friday night dinner the traditional dinner before the sabbath that uh jewish people have it was a comedy show it was on for like four or five seasons it is a beloved comedy show in the uk it is hilarious i don't know where you can see it right now they might have one season on amazon it's weird the licensing rights are all over the place with this show so it's really hard to find but they did they did a u.s version of this and we had henry hall

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2448.735

who was one of the guys who was on that show. That U.S. version is called Dinner with the Parents, and it is also very funny. We had Henry and another co-star of his on the show. Henry told us at the time that he was doing music. He was going to put out an album.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2468.25

And he was going to put out an album and check it out. And maybe I'll come back when it, you know, when I put the album out or whatever. You know, it was so long ago. I didn't think much of it. And not that I, not that I was like being dismissive of Henry, but I just didn't think much of it.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2482.802

Until the other night when I was scrolling on YouTube and I saw Henry playing one of his songs in like kind of an artsy video at a studio. Like one of his songs from the album, he went into his studio, a director and some other musicians got together and they did kind of this artsy live version of a song called Loose. And Loose, L-U-C-E. And the song blew my fucking mind.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2509.58

Holy shit. Now... I contacted Henry and I said, wow, dude, really fucking good. Can I play this on the commercial break? And he said, have at it. I'd love that. You know, if you guys want to play it and get some attention, that'd be great. So let's do this. Let's take a break. And when we get back, I'll play Loose for you, the live version of Loose. And hopefully you enjoy it.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2528.794

All right, we'll be back.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

257.091

It's almost like a dream-like thing that you're just remembering.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2598.163

OK, Henry Hall, former guest of the commercial break on the Amazon freebie show called Dinner with the Parents. So you can check that out if you want to. But I told Henry, I said, listen, you're also a talented actor, but you might have missed you might be on to something with this music. And I went and listened to some of the other songs that he has out there, and some of them are good.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

261.713

Oh, God, high school. That seems 10 lifetimes away. 10 lifetimes ago. But I remember calling the limousine company. Yeah. I remember picking up the white pages, which the white pages kids was an actual phone book where they had phone numbers listed for businesses and people. Well, excuse me, the yellow pages was for the businesses. The white pages was for the people.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2619.276

I think this is the best. This is my favorite one. This is like my personal favorite. But now listen to this song. I'm going to play it probably in its entirety just so you get the vibe. This is him playing guitar also. So keep that in mind. There's only one guitar in this, and it's him playing the guitar. And then maybe I will share the link on the show notes so you can watch it yourself.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2636.91

I don't want to put it on the YouTube video. Let's give him credit for the view. Okay, here we go. Let's see if I'm doing this right.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

285.063

So I picked up the yellow pages. And I looked up limousine and I remember calling the limousines. I was in charge. I remember calling the limos, arranging the limousine and then getting the limousine to pick us up. And me and the girl that I took to homecoming, Brooke, who I'm still friendly with to this day, beautiful young lady. We went to where?

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2895.11

Kind of like that dissident. It's melodic. It's got a groove to it. His voice is falsetto and incredible. And that guitar playing is like, it's a little Dinosaur Junior-ish, if I'm being honest. I loved it.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2911.256

I must have watched this thing 20 fucking times one night. Like two in the morning, I woke up to go to the bathroom. And of course, I bring my phone, you know, because I can't pee for five seconds without having my phone with me. And it just pops up on my YouTube. And I'm like, oh, what's that?

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2925.12

Henry oh my god look at Henry on there's a nice video there and in two hours later I'm still playing it over and over again and my kid was in the bed with me and at one point he's like dad what's that song and I'm like don't you worry about it this is the next Rolling Stones here kid Henry Hall look at that he's so good Henry Hall Loose is the song go check it out it's on YouTube I'll put a link in the video we are not being sponsored by this I just honestly really loved this song and one of the things that Chrissy and I I think really

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2955.163

are both attached to in a lot of ways. And part of the reason why I believe our friendship has endured so long is our love of music and good music at that. And if you don't like that song, you're crazy, is good music.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2967.107

The problem with podcasts is because of the disparate nature of the RSS feed, the licensing in order to play music that I don't pay royalties to, like our intro and our outro songs, the stuff we put in commercials, I license that music. And you'll notice that that's not a Rusted Roots song. I'm not licensing Rusted Roots songs because that's an immense amount of money.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

2989.225

Those people deserve to get paid when you hear their songs, as do the artists for our intros and outros. And so we license it every season. We re-license it. But getting a license to play like... You know, ASCAP music. Right. It's expensive. And for the amount of downloads that we get and the amount of people that listen to us, all seven people, it would literally cost a dollar a person.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

3011.082

And I don't make that back. So we don't play copyrighted music.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

3017.725

It's the reason why the one place, the one niche, the one thing in the podcast universe, the podcast landscape that you will not find is a lot of music podcasts because they don't have the license to play it. They'll get shut down real quick. Spotify won't allow it. As a matter of fact, ASCAP and BMI are on a tear right now.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

3039.939

They're on a tear because they're pissed at Spotify for allowing certain things to happen on the platform that they don't think. Oh, really? So what they're doing is they are trying to legally threaten individual podcasters for playing clips of copyrighted music. They're sending them cease and desists and fines and notices and all this for like a podcaster gets like 300 downloads.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

305.3

That's where we went. I knew I remembered it. We went to Mix. Not only did we go to Mix for Homecoming, but we went to Mix for a Sadie Hawkins dance one in my eighth grade year. So we went twice to Mix for that kind of event. And I am sure, looking back on it now, that we drove the waitstaff absolutely bananas for the Sadie Hawkins dance. I remember there was like 30 of us were there.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

3061.687

And they're sending in these big threatening letters from big threatening law firms. Kind of a shitty thing to do. But I get it. You got to like protect the rights, right?

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

3071.249

Just to be clear, I had permission from Henry to play that. And I imagine he's the rights holder on that song. At least I hope so. I hope I'll get a cease and desist from Henry's attorney. Henry's like, sure, play it. I'll send you the bill. Go for it. Go for it.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

3088.867

But one of the things I'd love to do in the future as we kind of negotiate these things with our network and stuff is play you music that we like. So hopefully it can turn you on to something. Or just show you how terrible my taste in music is. One of the two. 33P I could play all day long because ASCAP doesn't. ASCAP don't own no rights on that, bitch. No siree, Bob.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

3113.86

I never let ASCAP get their hands on my songwriting credits.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

3119.025

I did. I never sold out. That's right. That's why I didn't play that Rolling Stones song. That's why I was telling that story. You can find the video online.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

3134.633

I'll show it to you. I forgot the name of the song, but it's pretty easy to find because it's Mick Jagger dancing in a rain-filled hotel.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

3142.362

Yeah. It was like their first video in years. I mean, years and years. And it was a famous director, too, which I didn't know at the time, but I've learned since. The director's pretty famous also. All right, the 12 Hours of TCB is almost upon us, right around the corner, just a few weeks from now.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

3159.064

So do yourself a favor, mark down on your calendar 12 episodes of the commercial break, including celebrity guests, all to raise awareness about mental health, including our own, and to celebrate five years of TCB. We'll be talking about the five years, the six seasons, some of the things that we have enjoyed, some of the things we haven't liked.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

3177.752

We'll be taking phone calls, all kind of crazy stuff on that day, as well as... showing you the recording process live on YouTube and probably Twitch. So stay tuned for that information Saturday, May 31st, starting at 10 a.m. Eastern Standard Time. Because I do have to say that we probably have listeners outside of the Eastern Standard. 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

3203.087

If you want to be America's next mediocre podcaster... Let us know because we're going to run a contest after the 12 hours of TECV. We're going to run a contest. You can come on air. You can tell us all about it. And I've got some ideas around that. More information to come, but let us know. Put your name in the hat now. Literally tens of people have already contacted us.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

3235.817

Strong. Thick and long. What we lack in length and size, we make up for in girth. At the commercial break on Instagram, DCB podcast on TikTok and youtube.com slash the commercial break for all the episodes on video the same day they air here on the auto. Go follow us on Instagram. Please do that. Please follow us on Instagram.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

326.248

And we all had our, you know, $20 in our pockets and we're making change. Oh, yeah. I know.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

3260.083

TCBpodcast.com all the audio all the video and your free swag at the contact us button I want my free sticker give us your address we'll send you something merch drop May 31st 12 hours of TCB okay Chrissy that's all I can do for now I think so I'll tell you that I love you best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe until next time Chrissy and I will say we do say and we must say goodbye

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

333.35

God bless. The waiter or waitress has probably long since left this earth because I'm that old. But at this point, maybe they're in their 60s or 70s. I don't know. Who knows? But that was like now I remember mix. It was that type of place. It was like a.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

351.018

Elevated casual is what it was. Elevated casual. But it was a thing here in Atlanta. You would go to mix sometimes for special occasions. The teenagers love to go. There was like a place to go for prom, a homecoming, a dance. And it was quite the place. It was quite the coming and going.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

370.069

So we were talking about this place, Mix, and then we were talking about Mick Jagger potentially owning Mix, which was not true. He did not own Mix. But I understand.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

383.417

Yeah. Remember how I told you that memories become like cartoons, all swishy swashy mixed up in your head? Yeah. Like Mick Jagger owned Mix. Yeah. Mick did not own Mick's because he probably has a financial advisor that advises him never to own a restaurant unless you just want a place to drink and eat. You want a really expensive kitchen? Own a restaurant. That's what they'll tell you.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

407.105

So I'm Googling and I'm looking at pictures of Mick's and it's all coming back to me. It's all coming back. It's coming back to me now. Love. La, la, la, la, la, la. Celine Dion as I'm crying in the studio listening to Celine Dion. Anyway. Tears streaming. Tears streaming down my face with my headset on in my muumuu at night. Your slippers. Blue barking at me for treats. Dumb dog.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

435.244

I'm back to dumb dog because I'm like, well. By the way, update on Blue's health. I don't think the heart issue is anything to be immediately concerned about. So thank you for those.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

449.954

Yeah, normal. Not okay, but normal, which is absolutely crazy. So I'm Googling, and I'm looking back, and Mick Jagger, Mick, Mick Jagger, Atlanta, Mick Jagger, and bam, up comes the story. And this story, I was loosely involved with. And here's the story. I'll tell it real quick. as we were talking about, as we ever interacted with celebrities here in Atlanta.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

475.359

I worked for a company, a SEO company. You, too, can get your SEOs. Don't you want to rank highly on the Googles?

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

483.566

Yes, first page of Googles. It's going to change your life. And actually, at that time, being on the first page of Google would change your life.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

491.312

That's back in the, you know, go-go Google days. Right. I worked for this company that did SEO and like high priced website design, you know, paying like $150,000 for a really nice website, which is insane to think about now. But I mean, there are people who pay under $50,000 for a website, but there are people who have no idea how to build a website. They spend too much money.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

512.224

So here I am selling my SEOs and my pay-per-clicks. in this old building in downtown Atlanta, across the street from what used to be the Fed Reserve building, and at that time was just like an old office building, empty office building. And imagine this old row of, like this five-story building, And it's just an old building that has some of it has been renovated for like weird office space.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

537.767

We like literally had an old elevator shaft in the middle of our office. And if you walked in the wrong place, you would fall three stories. It was crazy. And they were charging rent for this. It was like the windows were from 1922. So you couldn't see anything out of it. No insulation, freezing cold.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

556.832

Thin glass. Yeah. But we were in the hip, hip, you know, hip, hip Atlanta. Vintage. Right next door to the old Omni, Phipps Arena, Phillips Arena, which is like a wonderful place to be at this time. This is probably 2006 or 2007. And... In this same row, on this same building, in this row of stuff that's up and down this street across from this very large, what used to be Federal Reserve.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

588.8

There is an old hotel that I think was called the Magic Hotel or something along those lines. And it's still got its old promenade. Like the board where – imagine you go to a movie theater, an old movie theater, and it says now showing.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

604.186

Yes, maybe that was what it was. It was a hotel at one time. A very – like famous hotel where, I don't know, the go-go girls would go. You know what I'm saying? That kind of hotel. But it was infamous among some people and famous. And this big promenade that said Imperial. And then it had this board where you could put letters and stuff like that. It was old. It was abandoned.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

626.674

It was right next door to the entrance to where we had our office. And then there was like a shoe store, an old cafe where they made terrible food. But it was the only place within two miles where you could get food.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

639.338

So, cafe, then us, then the Imperial, then a shoe store, like an old man's shoe store. A cobbler. A true cobbler. And then at the end of the street was like a hair place or something, like a barber or something like that. You'd have to park about a block and a half away, and then you'd walk. We had these parking passes.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

661.112

We could go into this particular lot, and then you would walk up the street and go. So, one day we get a knock at the door, the office door. Knock, knock, knock. Landlord gives us a piece of paper. He says, don't ask. I can't tell you. Just read the piece of paper. You'll know. And it says...

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

676.801

starting tomorrow through whatever, let's say it's Wednesday, starting tomorrow through Friday, you will have to park in this parking lot. You will have to have your identification to get on the street, and the building will be locked down unless you absolutely need to go inside or outside. We will be filming. And I'm like, what the fuck is this all about? So we're like, who? Who are you filming?

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

699.032

What's going on? What movie? This is long before Atlanta was like the movie capital.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

705.356

Yeah. I know. It's like, yeah, that's just a common thing now. No, he won't tell us. He's not budging. He's not saying a word. He literally drops it off and he's out the door before we have a chance to really grill him. And so then all the tenants of this office, like these other tenants in the office, we're all like getting together. We are Googling because that's what we do.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

725.424

You know, who's in town? What movie is filming? Can't find anything else about it. But the only thing that we do find is that at the Georgia Dome, at the time the Georgia Dome, playing that weekend, this is a Rolling Stones.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

741.216

What's that? Does this involve you smoking a cigarette? Smoking a cigarette and meeting Keith Richards.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

746.761

You've heard this story. You've heard all my stories, so I'm just sharing it with the audience now. You have to suffer twice through it, but they only have to suffer once.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

758.822

But we can't imagine why the Rolling Stones, who haven't made a new album in years, why they would be filming. Maybe, maybe not. We just assumed it was some movie that we didn't know about, we can't find information about. Next morning, come in, street is closed off. Two cop cars on one side, two cop cars on the other side. Movie truck, big old...

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

781.015

And trailers like, you know, like movie star trailers are sitting in the middle of the street. They are putting contraptions on the Imperial Hotel lighting a boom, like a big boom, a rain machine at the very top of the Imperial Hotel where they can spray rain down. Like all this stuff is going on construction. Right. But no one will tell us exactly what is going on. No one.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

805.271

And they said, the only thing that we could do is we made friendly. We made nice, nice with one of the crew. And he said, listen, I really cannot say a word because it could cause a lot of trouble. He said, but just know this. You probably want to be into work early tomorrow, like 6 a.m. And I was like, 6 a.m.?

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

820.559

I go home. I tell my wife at the time, I don't know what's going on. I don't know who's going to be there. But this is a big deal. There's a lot of shit going down. They already have police officers and security, and there's not even anyone there. Get up at 5 a.m., which at that time was probably – I stayed up until 5 a.m. I went into work at 6 a.m. I parked the car a mile and a half away.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

840.961

I walked up, showed my badge, got in the door, and then about – we were facing the opposite way, so we could not see. We didn't have any windows to see what was going on up front. Oh, dang. But one of the other guys that we knew did. So every 15 minutes we would run in and check and see, but we just couldn't see anything going on.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

860.876

A lot of people mulling around, a lot of like construction guys going in and out of the Imperial Hotel. And then we saw it. We saw a black town car pull up. The cops parted ways, pulled up to one of the trailers and out popped what we thought, what we assumed was the back of the head of Mick Jagger. And we were like, no shit, it's Mick Jagger. Holy shit.

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

884.864

So I run downstairs because I smoke cigarettes and I had to smoke a cigarette. And even though they told us not to go outside for any reason, how can they really keep us inside?

The Commercial Break

Mr. Jagger's Mr.

894.309

The restaurant is still open down at the one corner, even though the road is blocked off. And the shoe store is still open, even though the road is blocked off. Everyone's still open because we all want a reason to be there while Mick Jagger is there. So I go downstairs, and there's a bunch of folks from these buildings are kind of mulling around outside, getting excited, staring.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

915.033

We're all on the sidewalk. And I'm smoking this cigarette, and up comes this very lovely human being, walks up, and he says, hey, man, can I borrow a smoke? And I said, yeah, okay, borrow a smoke. He's got these – passes that are dangling, but none of them really have to do with the Rolling Stones. But anyway, and so I'm smoking a little uncomfortable. I don't know what to say to the guy.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

935.701

And I'm like, hey, are you with this whole thing? He says, yeah, I am. It's pretty exciting, huh? And I go, oh, yeah, it really is exciting. But this is the first video I've done. I've been around. And I said, oh, cool. What do you do? And he says, I'm a guitar tech. And I go, oh, a guitar tech for who? And he goes, a guitar tech for Keith Richards. And I was like, holy shit.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

955.011

No fucking way. You're a guitar tech. You're the guitar tech for Keith Richards? And he goes, I am. And I go, is he here? Not now, but he's going to be here later. But, you know, I didn't have anything to do. We're here playing. So I just thought I'd come by and check it out. Yeah. And he said, you know, I might need to, like, pretend to tune a guitar later or something.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

970.839

And I go, what are they doing? Filming a video for their new latest song. I'm like, wow, that's awesome. And he goes, yeah, we're taking over the hotel. It's like a whole rain thing, an empty building kind of thing. And I was like, that's incredible. He goes, yeah. So we talked for a few minutes. Other people are kind of crowding around us because now he's got the attention of everybody.

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Mr. Jagger's Mr.

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Exactly. So anyway, so we talked for like five minutes and then he scoots on off. Now listen to this. So I go down to the cafe. I go to get like a burger or wrap or whatever. I'm like, I'm just really excited. I just want to walk around the street is what I want to do. I got to make myself look busy, right?

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This episode of The Commercial Break is sponsored by Ring.

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Carnival Cruise actually sells, and I think a lot of cruise ships do this, they sell rooms underneath the waterline.

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Yeah, those are the $200. Well, I don't know. On Carnival, you might get a balcony for $200, but you can actually get one of those stowaway rooms, and they call it the stowaway room.

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What do you say? But we'll let you have all the well liquor you want. Don't worry about it.

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Oh, man. I'll tell you what. Whatever was going on, he looked angry. They actually had to sedate him. The doctors sedated him. Like an elephant. They just stuck him like an elephant. That's crazy. I mean, I don't even know if that's legal. But I guess out in open water, anything's legal. Yeah.

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Hey, listen, great idea. I don't drink. So next time I go on the carnival cruise, I'm going to start kicking down doors to get the good stuff. All right. Okay, listen. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is what we're talking about for the next couple of days or for the last couple of days we've been talking about it. We are going to put a link in the show notes.

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The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence helps women and children who are getting out of abusive situations get back on their feet, find shelter, get away from the abusive relationships, and then get back on their feet and also with financial literacy so that they can take care of themselves and their family during what has to be extraordinarily difficult times. Super, super.

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I know that the local women's shelter around here, which we give a lot of stuff to and money to, this is the busiest time of the year you can only imagine. And a lot of women choose to decouple from those situations now. A lot of those women have children. And it's just a terrible thing. Yeah, it's scary. It's a terrible thing to think about.

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As the great Clark Griswold once said, Holy shit, where's the Tylenol? Find it quick and join us this entire holiday season for brand new episodes of The Commercial Break.

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And then to think about the fact that the kids may not have Christmas gifts, which makes it twice as miserable and twice as scary, and that the women are really in a shitty situation they've got to dig themselves out of. These people do God's work by helping other human beings get out of terrible situations. So if you would, donate a dollar.

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Even a dollar can make a big difference this time of year to any of the causes we've been talking about. But this one feels near and dear to my heart. So if you would, please, we'll put a link in the show notes directly to their website where you may make that donation directly to them. We have nothing to do with it, but we're just encouraging you to do some good during the 12 days of TCB.

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The love connection has nothing to do with the carnival cruises or the abuse, but, or maybe, I don't know. We don't know what happened in every love connection relationship, do we? But I will promise you, the person we're reviewing today is not TCB. An abuser.

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Probably the nicest guy that's ever been on Love Connection. We're going to be back with one of our favorites. What the fuck, Chuck? Love Connection. After these words, we'll be back.

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And we're going to have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking King. Oh, yeah, dancers and prancers, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Greene. This is the Donner to My Blitz. And Chris and Joy Hoadley, best to you, Chris.

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Oh, man. Okay, listen. Over the last couple of years, one of our favorite things to do is to review dating shows. Now, yesterday, we reviewed MTV's Parental Control. What a terrible television show.

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I didn't find Jeremy, actually. Didn't find Jeremy. I would have thought for sure.

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He's not around. He's not with us anymore. He's incarcerated somewhere. Jeremy, I couldn't find him. I thought for sure he would be a, you know, someone trying to make a living on Instagram, but he, I didn't find him. I'll continue to look. My search skills are fantastic. So if he's out there, I'll find him. But I only spent a couple of minutes on it yesterday.

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Okay, so one of our favorite things to do has been to review Love Connection episodes. Love Connection, of course, the very famous dating show from back in the 80s and early 90s. They actually had two versions of the Love Connection, one with Chuck Woolery and then another one in the mid-90s with another guy. Not as funny. Chuck is definitely the best.

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Although he became problematic in his later years. He was great, but he's great now. He's great back in the 80s.

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Chuck Woolery did... I believe. I do remember seeing something about this.

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Yeah, Chuck died. Okay, I think Chuck died. We'll figure that out. Is he dead? Yeah, he's dead.

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Oh, he just died November 23rd?

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Aw. I know. Okay. Well, Chuck, at least in the 80s, you were a nice guy. So I think I have found the nicest guy that has ever been on the Love Connection stage, and that is saying something, because in the 80s, the people just had a different personal attitude. Yeah.

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And also look, this guy, wait till you see this guy. I think he's 31. He looks like he's 62. Wait till you see this guy. Okay, let's review this episode of Love Connection. Here's our boy Chuck Woolery.

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Oh, can you hit play for me?

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Thanks. And also the music.

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brian best of you out there in the podcast universe welcome back to the 12 days of tcb here we are rolling toward christmas eve christmas day the day after christmas the day after the day after christmas every fucking day you get a new episode of the commercial break in december fear not thank you to everybody who has been supporting us writing in i know saying wonderful things about us i do i do love the reaction that is nice that makes it worth it

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There you go.

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Look at him. He is 37 years old. Chrissy, this guy does not look a day under 65 years old. This is amazing. I know. I think all those preservatives are... It's a huge mustache.

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Yeah, the mustache does add years.

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Yeah, the jowls and the gray hair. All of it together. And the caterpillars on top of his eyes.

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It's about 30 miles outside of Fort Knox. As the crow flies. Yeah, if you take a 40 over there to exit 32, then you get off at 32, you can take 16 over to 12. You know where the gas station is, Chevron. You'll take a right there. I live about 12 miles from there, and you got to pass a couple of pastures first, Chrissy. Okay. Just letting you know.

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I love Johnny. He's so sweet.

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I used to get in my bell-bottoms, and I would go out on Friday night, and I liked to wear the bell-bottoms, but my penis often showed, so I'd put a little pad in there so it was not to upset any of the womenfolk. And then we'd go out and party hard. We did a lot of cocaine and poppers back then, and that's why I think it was fun.

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Oh, my God. I had a dance partner. She had a boyfriend. Made it pretty clear to me that there would not be any funny stuff. But that was okay with me. I wasn't very sexually mature. I was only 29 years old. I wasn't quite ready for the full ride, if you know what I mean, Chuck.

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I got my whole outfit at TJ Maxx for about $39, and then she would be wearing a sparkly-do, if you don't mind, and then we would go out there and do our thing, and there was absolutely no physical contact afterwards. It was kind of nice for me and her husband.

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Look at his eyes. He's like, this was what's so great about 79 and 80s. Most people thought I was gay. So I really did not get a lot of action, but I looked good doing it. Do you know what I'm saying, Chuck?

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Really? Five to ten times a week? There's only seven days in a week? Geez.

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Yeah. I think even when I was dating someone seriously, we wouldn't go on five dates a week. Do you know what I'm saying? No.

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Well, it did plummet. I got into transformers and model trains. And I had a model train partner, and you see, she would come in and help me with the model train, but she was married. But what would happen is we would go to the model train conventions, and then oftentimes I would be approached by other men to play with their trains. And it was nice in that regard.

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This has been great for the audience, not so good for the three of us here in the room, as we've been nonstop recording. But hey, we'll get a nice break.

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I felt like I was being paid attention to.

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I think this guy's very nice. I wish for one minute I was as innocent as John was.

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This was all jerk-em-off cowboy. I was at a certain kind of cowboy bar, and I don't know, it just didn't feel right to me, Chuck.

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Plus, the tight jeans didn't show off the best of me, if you know what I mean. I found that my dating decreased by five to ten days a week.

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Got sore arms from dancing with the cowgirls?

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Sounds like though. Well, listen, he's a man about town.

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Brian, the beat-em-up boss, will give you guys a break, I promise, real soon.

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He does. Well, you got hair like that.

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Disco is your thing. It is. Right. I think he probably should have changed his haircut after disco.

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This is my favorite part when we get to look at the ladies he's going to choose.

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She likes dancing. She likes woodworking. And woodworking. And woodworking. I think that's something John could get into.

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Oh, well, that might be a downside there, Terry. The 80s were a different time, guys. Some men just take no interest in my child, and some take a lot of interest in my child. That's right. I think this lady's a perfect fit for our boy here.

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Very soft-spoken. Yeah, Tony.

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How does your child feel about that?

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Oh, man, will it be well-deserved. So, yeah, and everybody has been writing in saying that they're really enjoying the 12 days of TCB. Some people have been so kind as to send screenshots of them donating. I saw a National Breast Cancer Coalition fund or two the other day. A couple ASPCAs, and the St. Jude Foundation seems to be a popular one with everybody. So thank you very much.

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Lynn's 33, looks 43.

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If you want to be taken seriously, don't wrap your shirt in a bow.

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She's very forward for the early 80s. She's in construction. You've got to have a good head on your shoulders to be in construction.

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You can tell in Ellen's eyes that she's already way too advanced for our boy here.

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Well, you lucked out on this one. I'm not sure this guy even has ever looked in a mirror.

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It is a fun and interactive way for the audience to get involved. Choose which person's going to go on a blind date with this luscious, lovely man.

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Don't worry, Chrissy. I got the second half.

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That's a nice way to end things. Yeah, this is one of the very early episodes, by the way. You can tell just by the hissing noise in the background and the way that this is made.

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It's kind of weird that you set people up on blind dates. They show up at each other's houses. Yeah.

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Yeah, I love the music. Oh, yeah.

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I'm just letting the music play because I like it.

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Would you think that reciting poetry to you, would that be weird or would you like that?

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And you can even chat with the delivery people to let them know where to leave the packages. The indoor cam, it's a game changer.

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Your schwag is on the way. I do promise that. So, Chrissy... How are you feeling? I just want to take a temperature check in the room. How are you feeling?

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Poetry. Yeah. But I mean, like if you just met a guy and he came in on the second date and he just said, I have a poem for you.

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Yeah. Maybe like the second year of marriage. Right. Right. Yeah. Something like that. No, not for you.

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event yes what if i had someone create a mega write a poem for me i've written soliloquies yeah but i don't think i've ever written a poem for anybody and i certainly wouldn't recite them to him that's what i message is for it's like making someone listen to you play the guitar it's giving barbie you know yeah i know the scene yeah i've done that a lot escaping brian but to be fair to me i was drunk or high so there you go

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These three women. They willingly did it because they said, well, it's better than him talking. I said, do you want to hear a little Brian's escape?

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Here's our latest single.

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I just was a fan of things that, words that sounded good together.

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We won't actually hear about that date, but we'll hear about Joe's date.

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Well, because she came back for a second round. Oh. You see what I'm saying?

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No, they don't do that. In later years, they also don't have a seven-and-a-half-minute introduction like the commercial break did for the first two seasons.

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You sound like you got a little bit of a cold.

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He's been divorced for 13 years. He's 37, so he got divorced at 24, 25. Got divorced. Yeah, 24. That's young to get divorced.

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But, I mean, if you were married to John... Well... I know. It's going to take a certain kind of personality. It is. Nice guys sometimes do finish last. It's a true story. And the reason why nice guys finish last is because there is a certain boredom that comes with always being nice. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but I can see John...

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Well, listen, yeah, he sounds so exciting that he couldn't find his own dance partner.

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You need some tea and honey? I might. We'll get you some tea and honey after this episode. Not letting you go. You got to finish this episode. Man, I'll tell you what.

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Well, Brad Bitt. I know.

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I can't take it anymore.

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You could be getting older, John. That might be a statement that might be true.

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Yeah, we're all getting older, Chuck. It's just one of those unfortunate things. One year I'm 36, and the next year I happen to be 37. My birthday was last Tuesday, Chuck, and I almost ran over a squirrel. Luckily, I avoided any kind of contact. But it was because my arms are sore from all that flippin' and floppin' and country-western type music.

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Yeah, we don't need to hear about your self-reflection. It's like Aaron Rodgers doing a whole Netflix special on his ayahuasca experience. It's just a little glow-up we don't need. You know what I'm saying?

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What? To one of your last loves? Yeah, nothing gets a girl wet like the last girl getting poetry.

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Well, please repeat it. Please recite it. But of course, Chuck won't have a follow-up question here, which will suck because that's not what Chuck does. Chuck's bad at follow-up questions.

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Well, and I already said it, so now you already got it.

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Let's move this along. Let's move away from the interesting part of the show and back to the boring part of the show.

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Oh, God, I put it into the ether. What are we, Teresa Caputo now? What are we going to do? You got to go around, spit twice, spin around, yell in the air? What are you going to do? How do you get rid of a cold? Well, listen, it is that time of year when people do get sick, and you have been coming here, where I have 13 to 15 children, that bring around every fucking disease possible.

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Oh, he chose the one that I thought would be least a fit for him because Ellen looks and sounds like she's lived some life.

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And John looks like he literally reads novels on his day off.

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I took Route 34, and then I got off at Exit 12, and I was in my jeans and had some suspenders on.

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Chuck, all right, John, let's move it along now.

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All right, John, let's move along now. We only have 15 minutes. She had some other plants. She had some other plants. Please name them. Please. I hope this guy names them.

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It was a penis. Life-size. Life-size. Yeah, life-size penis. And I came to the realization, I was dating the wrong sex.

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I don't know if I could meet up to this nude. He doesn't, his penis doesn't quite measure up.

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He knew the second that he walked into that room that he had the best love connection story. And he might be right because this might be episode number three. And it had great detail in some places. Please tell us which places it had great detail.

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All right. I think that's a good place that we should take a break. Let me remind you that we are talking about the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is one of the five charities that we are going to focus on during the 12 days of TCB. We're just shining a light on these charities that do such great work. And if you would...

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One of my kids had this weird... Have you ever heard of Rosalia? Have you heard of this? Rosalia is a very nondescript infection that children get.

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Be so kind as to just donate a few dollars, $5, $10, $50, $1,000, whatever it is, to one or multiple of these charities. We certainly would appreciate it. It'll make you feel better. They'll be able to do some more good. Go out there in the world in 2025 and help some people, some pets.

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So easy to set up. You can use it to check in on your pets when you're away. And with two-way talk, you can even talk to them.

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Most of these charities use a majority of their money. I mean, all of these charities use a majority of their money to the intended causes, which not all charities do. There are many charities, probably the ones you know most about because you hear about them all the time. that do nothing but market their own charity.

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They'll spend like 70% of their budget on getting more money and then they pay their, you know, the people who run these organizations a whole shitload of money. None of these organizations do that. St. Jude does do a lot of advertising, but they also do a whole shitload of good and they do more good than they do advertising. Anyway, you get the point. Links are in the show notes.

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The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Please go donate. We'll take a break and we'll be back.

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It sounds like a lovely flower. It basically blooms into an extraordinarily high fever with a rash. Right. But adults don't get it. So don't worry. You don't have to worry about it. Or do adults get it? I'm not sure. If you get it, let me know. But my kid was cooking. She was like at 105.7. And so when you touch her, she's hot. So listen to this. This is crazy.

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All right. Now we're back. All right. All right. We got it. No problem. Don't worry about it. Christina here in studio with us. By the way, just doing a wonderful job. There's so many moving parts now to this whole thing.

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You know how many times we've done it? If we had never done it, I probably would be frustrated. But we have done it so many times that it's just part of the gig.

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Christina and I recorded something twice today. All right, so we're back with Chuck. He is literally with the nicest guy in the world. They're about to tell us about, well, he started to tell us about his date, his blind date with this young lady. And we got to the part where he walked in the apartment and he saw a nude painting of another man. With a apparently very large penis. Here we go.

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The holidays are almost here, and between traveling, hosting family, and finding the perfect gift, it's such an exciting, busy, and yes, sometimes stressful time. Ring helps you stay connected to the home for all the merry moments, even when you're on the go. With Ring, you've got the whole home covered. Their video doorbells alert you when gifts arrive,

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Oh, Lord. You just walked in the door, John.

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You just walked in the door and saw a picture of a penis.

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The poetry. I thought he was going to say, you know what? My penis. I mean, honestly, you can't give this girl 15 minutes before you start dropping poetry on her. Man, the 80s were a different time because if this worked, if she goes on a second date with him, I'm going to be very surprised.

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No. He's a rapscallion, that John. Remember that.

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I know, he's got his little eyes. Those eyebrows move up and down, and they're accentuated by the world's largest eyebrows. So they just, you know, you can't help but notice. He's like a little kid. He's kind of cute.

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I'm here with you. I walked through the door. Did you know my penis hits the floor?

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You say 105.7, their brains are burning at that point, but not true with children. Children, they have a lot of malleability in their brains because they're not fully formed yet. So it's a little bit, it's much different actually with a child. If you're at 105.7 as an adult, you're dead. I mean, there's no way your body can take that.

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You went and got something to eat. What happened there, John?

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That's weird.

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Was the nude in the bedroom? In one of the doors. In the apartment. First of all, second of all, you were literally describing plants she had in her house. And you said, we went to eat. What happened? I know.

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Yes. So far, all we've done is I brushed aside her, Chrissy, and I got an erection immediately. And you don't want to rush these things, you see. Yeah.

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This is the same guy who bruises because of country western dancing. You have to understand.

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Who is this guy?

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Wait, does she sit on you? I don't know. Like a chair. Yeah. Geez, John. God. I thought you were a nice guy. Now you're just like a little hellcat waiting to be unleashed.

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Okay, so you told us about none of the dates. So far, you walked in, saw a penis painting, caught something to eat, made out on a chair, and she told you enough is enough.

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Okay. That's nice.

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So when my first one was born, about a year, he's a year and a half old, and one night he was sleeping in the bed with Astrid and I, and I rolled over, he was in the middle of us, I rolled over and I touched him, just like put my hand on him.

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There we go. They made a love connection. Wow. I found my dancing partner who does not have a boyfriend.

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Oh, I knew they were going to pick one because of the dancing. Yeah, because of the dancing and because they're both very quiet in nature. 51%. He just gave the audience a scathing look. Yeah, he gave them the death stare. I think lasers came out of his eyeballs. That was crazy.

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Yeah, it's very obvious as much as it can be in 80s television that things have heated up between the two of you.

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Come on down. Come on down. Get yourself a furry young man. She's lovely.

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I like it. She is lovely. Good for them. I actually wanted to see this work out for this guy because he really is a nice guy. He does seem like it. You don't, like... You would be hard-pressed to find somebody in 2024 that talks and acts like this. Hard-pressed.

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And while he may be a little, you know, maybe he's got old-world themes. This is the 80s, right? He's 40 years old in the early 80s, so. He's got his family crest on his pocket, for God's sake. The sundial crest.

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Plus, if you want some privacy, you can just flip the manual cover to turn off the camera and microphone. Wherever the holidays take you, Ring makes sure that you're always home for the holidays.

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All right. There you go. Well, I feel really happy for John.

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And he was like a tea kettle. That's how hot he was. And I was like, holy shit, you know, he's a fever. So we get up, we get the thermometer, we take his temperature, he's at 105 something. And we are freaking the fuck out. Of course. We're like, oh my God. So we get some cool damp cloths and we give them, you know, Tylenol or Motrin or whatever it is.

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You know what? This is a couple that I probably would never find online because I don't think that John is the type of person who probably kept up with technology. But I do have to say, what a lovely couple. What a lovely, just like wholesome episode of the commercial break. How... Could we make it any nicer for you as we lead up into Christmas?

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We didn't go for anybody. We've done so many love connections, and so many of the guys are just jerk-offs. Remember that one guy who was the guy who was like a bouncer at the door?

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And he was touching the ladies, and he was like, I date all night long, or whatever he said. I can keep going all night long. Yeah. So many of these guys were headed straight to Jerry Springer. But John was a nice, classic, wholesome young man. And that lady. Yeah, or jail. And that lady was so lovely. Nothing like parental control. Nothing at all. All right.

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Well, listen, how much more damage can we do today? Honestly, let's quit while we're ahead. I do love a good love connection. I really do. It was part of my childhood. I remember my parents watching this show a lot because it was on during daytime TV. So you would get like, if you stayed home sick or you're on vacation, you would get Price is Right. You would get Love Connection.

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You would get Judge Wapner. Yeah. In the 90s, you would get Oprah. It's something you would get. What time did Oprah come on? Four o'clock. Oprah's on. That's right. Four o'clock. You had to miss it. Can't miss television. Oprah. Oprah Winfrey. But Love Connection was one of mine. Love Connection was the one that I really loved. All right.

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tcbpodcast.com that's where you go you find out more information about the show all the audio all the video right there at one location and now every single episode of the commercial break moving forward will be available on youtube the same day that it's available here on the audio feed spotify just a couple of days afterwards so please do us a favor go to the youtube channel subscribe like comment on your favorite video share if you dare share if you care

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Or you can go to Spotify and watch those videos, like I said, just a couple of days after they drop here on the audio feed. Also, do us a favor. 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Would you be so kind as to text us comments, questions, concerns, content ideas? We take them all right there at that phone number. You can leave us a text message. You can leave us a voicemail.

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We don't care how you do it. Just do it, please. At the commercial break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and again, YouTube.com. slash the commercial break. Also, because we know you're in the giving spirit, we certainly would appreciate it if you could spend a few bucks. If you want to give Chrissy and I something really special this holiday, you can do two things.

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And we put a call in to the doctor and the doctor says, well, listen, if it goes down, you know, great. If it goes up, go to the hospital. If it goes down, don't worry about it. Come and see us tomorrow. So we bring him in the next day. And when the doctor takes his temperature, it's at 106. And now, so I'm totally freaking out about this.

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You can keep listening to the 12 Days of TCB and beyond. Follow us on your favorite podcast platform. But then secondly, you can donate a few bucks to one of the causes we've been talking about. St. Jude's Foundation, the National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and the ASPCA. All of these organizations doing wonderful work. Spend a few dollars.

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Make yourself feel good. It's tax deductible. Go straight to their website by clicking the link on the show notes. Thank you in advance. All right, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for now.

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But I will tell you that I do love you.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Happy holidays. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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And the doctor is like, don't worry. This is your first. It's our first. Don't worry about it, right? Which is a really hard thing to do as a child. She's like, don't worry about it. Honestly, sometimes kids go into the 107s, sometimes even the 108s, and it's just their body reacting to an infection.

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If you got a softie in your brain, you're going to have a softie in your pants. You know what I'm saying?

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As long as we can bring it down with some kind of medication or, you know, cooling them off in some way, shape, or form, then we don't get worried about it. But I thought to myself, holy shit, you could cook rice at 107. Can you cook rice at 107? I don't know. What does water boil at?

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What is it? I know, Celsius. That always gets me fooled.

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Yeah, what does water boil at? 130 degrees Fahrenheit, I think is what it is.

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Okay, fact check that, Christina.

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212 degrees. Okay, so you had a little ways to go. Okay, yeah. So we couldn't fry an egg on his head. Right. Rice can boil on my son's chest. So anyway, if you get Rosalia, let me know. You know where they get a lot of infections like Rosalia is at Carnival Cruises, apparently. I was going to share with you this. Where is this going?

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So head to Ring.com to find the latest deals on Ring video doorbells, cams, and alarm kits.

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I was going to share with you that right before we got on, I was flipping through Instagram, as I do, and I saw this reel where someone had posted that a guy on a Carnival cruise, not but 45 minutes to an hour after they left the L.A. port, was trying to kick down people's doors. He had his shirt off, big boy, trying to kick down doors on the Carnival cruise.

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I have determined that the Carnival cruise has become the Black Friday Walmart thing

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of cruising because it's so cheap right i mean it's dirt fucking cheap it's like a hundred dollars to go to cozumel for the weekend those ads before i've been on a carnival cruise by the way i went on there many years ago my first cruise was a carnival cruise and i thought it was lovely because i had nothing to compare i was gonna say maybe that's the starter cruise yes the starter cruise it's the starter cruise or it's the i want to get away for the weekend and i don't you know i'm i'm not getting paid till next week kind of cruise

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Ring makes the perfect gift for everyone on your list. And thanks to Ring for being a sponsor of the commercial break.

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Because I've been on Royal Caribbean and Disney Cruise. Now, Disney Cruises are crazy expensive anyway, so you get what you pay for in that sense. Royal Caribbean, I think, is like the middle of the road. They have Ritz-Carlton Cruises now, too. Oh, I know.

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Treat ourselves. Yeah.

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Way off. So there's a huge gap between $239 for a person to go to Cozumel for the weekend and $41,000 for the mid-suite on a Ritz-Carlton cruise. And so I understand that when you make it accessible or affordable for everyone to cruise, everyone's going to cruise. Everyone and anyone are going to cruise.

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But so far this year, I think I've heard that Carnival Cruises has had to pull a poop cruise for three and a half days back to port. Many people have fallen and jumped off. Sick, you know, all kind of bacteria running through there. You know, some lady died in the jacuzzi. People are literally rocking the boat in the middle of the night.

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I can't tell you how many fights I've seen in those clubs at night that are going on in those Carnival Cruises. What is wrong with people? You're on a cruise. Why is everyone so upset?

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We'll see you next time. Get your quote today at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Hey, Chrissy, best to you.

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That's true.

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Alcohol is the reason.

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Yeah, that's the thing. And trust me, they're not giving you, you know, Cuervo 1800 on the top shelf. Yeah, that's what we call the well liquor. You know why I call it the well liquor? You keep it in the well so people can't see it. That's a true story.

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Yeah. Top shelf liquor is on the shelf so people see it and they want to buy it. Well liquor is in the well where no one can determine exactly what they're drinking, including the bartenders or the people selling you that alcohol. It is... It is a bad idea to order well drinks all night long because that alcohol is probably high octane.

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They're the well liquor of the cruise world. Absolutely. Listen, you can't fault someone for trying to find a deal. In that regard, I say, hey, listen, you know, if you can only afford $239 a night or a cruise. You've got to get to Jamaica. And you've got to get to Jamaica tomorrow to buy some weed. And flush it down the toilet before you make it back to port. Like Brian did.

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Then listen, Carnival is a great option. By the way, Carnival Cruise was the cruise that I got stopped on the way back in.

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And had a strip search, including an anal cavity search.

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Well, of course they are. They know that the people who are smuggling weed go on carnival cruises.

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No, at the Ritz cruise, I don't know.

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This way, sir. Yeah, they land a helicopter. This way, sir.

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We will now pull into Star Island in Miami.

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Trump helicopter will pick you up and fly you back to a New York City skyscraper. There you'll have your ass wiped with only the finest cotton sheets. 500 thread count. Yeah. Ritz Carlson cruises. You press a button in the bathroom and it goes, poo-poo. Or pee-pee. Someone comes running in and they dab your penis. If you pee-pee, they go, ping-ping. Clean the seat.

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Oh, they must have bidets on the Ritz-Carlton. Well, actually, no. There's spaces at a premium there. But I did look at the floor plans. I did, too. You and I are the same. I wish I could do that. I wish I could do that.

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Listen, true story. Astrid and I love a Ritz-Carlton. Oh, we do too. We love a Ritz-Carlton. We got married there. That doesn't mean we have money. It means somebody else had money to give us, right? But we have been lucky enough to stay at a number of Ritz-Carlton. That is a treat. We are the kind of people who go on vacation and we spend the money on the accommodations. Exactly. Right?

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We have children, so we know that, you know, we're not going to do anything fun during the vacation, so we might as well stay somewhere nice.

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Yeah. And so we've stayed at Ritz Carlton. Plus, when you get married to Ritz Carlton, they give you a bunch of points you can use, you know, to stay a place. So we've made the best use out of those points. So I love a Ritz Carlton. So when those cruise lines, when they started hitting me up about their new cruise ships, I was looking at every floor plan.

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And some of those cruise ship suites at the Ritz Carlton, they're like 1,300 square feet. Oh, yeah. That's half this house. I mean, it's bigger than my apartment. I know. It's not even in the way that they do them up. Every inch. Finest. The finest quality everything.

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Of course. When you're paying $41,000 a person to get on one of those cruises. A person. And then they only take you on like a three-day cruise for $41,000. They have three restaurants. When they have racquetball on a cruise ship, you know you're cruising with stuff. I think they actually have a polo field there. I think Harry and Meghan do polo on the Ritz-Carlton ship.

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But when you go on a carnival cruise, because I've been on one, they stick a bed up against the wall. There's a porthole you can't see out of. And the crapper and the shower are the same thing. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, see, that's what I'm not going to do. Yeah, you put down the toilet seat, give yourself a shower, but it's not.

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Those cruise ships are crazy.

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So you're saying there's a chance. Hey, listen, after the 12 days of TCB, I'm treating everybody to a carnival cruise.

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Oh, I would do it. I think those carnival cruises are the ones where they have the yacht.

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The wrestling cruises are definitely on carnival. I can guarantee you that.

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Yeah, Brad Williams. Or the 90s music cruise, which apparently is very popular. I saw there was a 311 cruise. Creed has done a cruise.

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Everybody has a cruise. Why not a TCB cruise?

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Heather McMahon has a cruise. I saw that.

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Why can't we have a cruise? Well, I think we need to actually probably do the live shows we bailed. on last year before we do. People texting all the time. What are those live shows? Stay tuned. Stay tuned. Those live shows may now be on Twitch. Hey, we gave you refunds. What can we do?

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The live show's now on Carnival Cruise from here to Cozumel. Now, Carnival's not in on this. It's just us. It's like these charities we've been talking about. They know nothing about it. Neither does Carnival Cruise. Chrissy and I will be doing a live episode of TCB in the formal dining room every night at our table, which I just hope we can sell the table.

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Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe and happy holidays. Sometimes podcasts like ours will take off a lot of time during the holidays, but not us. We're gluttons for punishment. So we have the 12 days of TCB coming at you. December 13th through the 25th, brand new episodes every single day and live fresh episodes during the entire holiday season.

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Yes, a private, yeah. If not, then we'll do it next to the bed by the porthole. I can see it.

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We had a whole show planned. I'm not even going to get into it. It's not even worth talking about. We'll get back to it, I promise. Let's put a pin in it for right now and circle back later. Yeah, 2030. When my next parathyroid gets taken out. When my next tumor grows, then we'll think about it.

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Didn't he went to the hospital one time for over caffeination?

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He's fallen off the stage a number of times, I feel like. But that's another thing rock stars do. Yeah, exactly. How many times? Who was that other guy? Steven Tyler. Yes. Steven Tyler. But Steven Tyler has a good reason. He's high on Percocet. Why are you so rad? Exactly. Stephen Tyler. Stephen Tyler, they unwound that band, Aerosmith. They unwound it.

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No more live shows because Stephen can't do it anymore. He's getting too old. And fine, fair. At some point, you got to clock out. Like, that's just it. He's like 76 years old or something. And his voice, those songs, if you're into Aerosmith, those songs are at such a high register and they're so loud. At some point, your voice just can't do that. Right.

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Well, that's true. I mean, listen.

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But for some reason, I'm just not feeling like Instagram's going to go crazy about Aerosmith's next last tour. No. Like they did for the Aeros tour. No. But so they unwind the band. They call it quits. Everybody's fighting with each other, you know, always. Aerosmith's been that way forever. People are sober and not sober.

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You know, people falling off stages and cracking their head and going in other bands and all this other stuff. Then poor Aerosmith, the nail in the coffin. Disney World took their name off the roller coaster. That Aerosmith's rock and roller coaster, they did not renew the contract. But I do have a little like Disney adult information for you.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. We're running up to the Christmas tree. Oh, my God!

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They will be putting the Muppets on that rock and roller coaster. So it now will be the Muppets rock and roller coaster. And let's be honest, that's a much better call. Do you want the guy high on Percocet? Yeah. Or do you want Gonzo high on Percocet? Gonzo, of course.

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All right. Well, listen, it is the 12 days of TCB. We are so happy to have you on board. Until Christmas Day and then beyond, actually, probably. We should call this the 15 days of TCB because that's how long it's going to go on. 15 straight episodes of the commercial break. Actually, when you count them all together, it's 20 straight episodes of the commercial break. So congratulations to you.

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You, while you're listening, I have no idea. Yeah. Can we dethrone Kylie now? Is that okay? Have we put in our time? Have we done enough? Can we get on top? Yeah. So the 12 days of TCB. During the 12 days of TCB, we're going to be reviewing content, events, and stuff that we've spoken about over the year that we've enjoyed. We're going to revisit it.

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Today, we're going to get into some Ask TCBs that I have stuffed away for good measure. But I've put a twist on it, Chrissy.

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I'll get to that on the next segment. Yes. I'll get into that next segment. But I did want to say that also we'd like to do a little good during the 26 days of TCB. Yes. And so Chrissy and I have both thrown a charity into the mix, and we'd like to review those two charities one more time. St.

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Jude's Foundation, they provide free health care, absolutely free, including travel and food and everything a family needs to get through a very difficult time, typically kids with terminal cancer or some kind of cancer that's really bad. And the family goes to the hospital, and they get the best care in the world for children's long-term disease care. So the St. Jude's Foundation, the St.

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How could you not love that movie?

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Jude's Hospital, we'll put a link in the show notes. And also, Chrissy.

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It's a great drop, Christina. Thank you very much. We can't go on an entire 12 days of TCB without homage to one of the best Christmas movies of all time. We just reviewed them yesterday as per town and country because that's where we get all of our... That's where you get all the great information.

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Yes, Chrissy's sister passed away suddenly from breast cancer and the worst kind of... Yeah, a year ago. The worst kind of worse that you can get. And so there's going to be a cure in our lifetimes. I can feel it. Cancer probably will...

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will affect you in your lifetime whether or not it affects you or someone you love the cancer rates are so high and so we need to fund people who are trying to find vaccines and cures for these terrible illnesses as these rates of cancer skyrocket um So please do us a favor. St. Jude's Foundation, the National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund. We'll put a link in the show notes.

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We have nothing to do with this. You go, you donate directly to them. We are just putting shedding a little light on two of our favorites and more to come. You've also sent some into us and we'll get to it. So let's take a break and we'll be back with more shenanigans.

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This episode is sponsored by Prealcohol from ZBiotics. I am not one to imbibe a whole bunch anymore. I've got 13 to 15 children, checklists to get done, and jobs to do. But even with moderation, I don't bounce back like I used to from a night of drinking. I find myself having to make that choice. Can I have a great night or a great responsible day tomorrow? A tough choice to make indeed.

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That is until I found pre-alcohol. Z-Biotics pre-alcohol probiotic drink is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic. It was invented by a PhD scientist to tackle rough mornings after drinking. And here's how it works.

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when you drink alcohol gets converted into a toxic byproduct in your gut it's this byproduct not dehydration that's to blame for that rough next day free alcohol produces an enzyme to break down this byproduct and just as long as you remember to take free alcohol as your first drink of the night then drink responsibly you'll feel your best tomorrow we've now been out for a few nights of drinking where pre-alcohol is the first thing that i drink let me tell you when i can get up in the morning

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Take care of my 12 to 13 children. Still record an episode of the commercial break and make it to bedtime with a little bit of energy left in the tank to watch bad television. I know that pre-alcohol has done its job. And with the holiday season upon us, I know I'm going to be consuming just a little bit more alcohol than usual.

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Town & Country, page six, the New York Post, and Google's new Gemini. And BuzzFeed. Yeah, BuzzFeed. BuzzFeed. Does anybody read BuzzFeed anymore? I think a lot of people do. I know. It's still out there. Do you do BuzzFeed? No, I'm an adult.

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But with pre-alcohol, I can stay on track and not let the holiday season... throw me off course go to zbiotics.com slash commercial to learn more and get 15 off your first order when you use the code commercial at checkout zbiotics is backed by a 100 money back guarantee so if you're unsatisfied for any reason they'll refund your money no questions asked

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Remember to head to zbiotics.com slash commercial and use the code commercial at checkout for 15% off. Thank you to Z Biotics for being a sponsor of the commercial break and for making my mornings after drinking just a little bit easier.

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Okay, so one of the favorite things of the audience, apparently, is when we do Ask TCB. And a lot of people send in questions, but we have just been typically terrible about staying on top of those. So we're usually six months to 12 months behind anybody's Ask TCB. So whether or not they get the advice on time, I just don't know. And I'm really sorry about that.

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We'll try and be better in the future. But here's what I wanted to do. I took some Ask TCBs that we've had in the can for a very long time, Chrissy. And since it's likely that these people no longer need our advice, because, I mean, it's just... It's been so long. It's been so long. I have decided to put a twist on this.

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I have decided to ask AI to ingest the question and any identifying information about the person, name, age, location, throw it into AI, and I ask them... Whabam! Whabam! Bam! Changed it into a story that we can read here on TCB. What do you think? Perfect. I love the idea. I thought, let's do it with a twist. I mean, some of these were like short, half questions.

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They turned into days-long stories. But I thought, we'll take two of our favorite things to talk about right now, AI and our fans, and we'd mix them together into a cauldron of fantastic questions and answers. You'll get the worst advice from AI forever. I should have asked AI to answer the questions. That's what I thought you were saying. No, no, no, no, no. I asked him to spin the question.

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We still have to answer. Okay. So I think if you wrote in, you're probably going to get that this is you. Are you ready? Yes. All right. Okay. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to my – I want to welcome you back to my favorite comedy podcast. AI is not working so well today. It doesn't understand plosives. It's your girl, 28 and single, living the dream.

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If that dream involves an alarming number of bad dates and a questionable amount of takeout food – I just decided now likes takeout food. So let me paint you a picture. I don't mean to brag, but I'm like a solid 8.5 on a good hair day. 9.5 if I just left the salon. And let's be real. That's pretty intimidating.

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I mean, I walk into a room and it's like I'm a lion in a room full of gazelles, except the gazelles are just guys awkwardly sipping their drinks trying to remember how to engage in conversation instead of staring at me like I'm the last slice of pizza at a party.

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AI has gotten really wet. And let me tell you, this was one of the questions that was like half a paragraph long, okay? Then there was Mr. Too Much Information. He was this guy. We went to a cute little Italian place. It had ambiance, candles, and the whole nine yards. And then within the first 15 minutes, he started telling me about his childhood trauma. Like, who does that?

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That was a very abrupt ending to our music. But that's okay. Leave it like that and we'll just... Merry Christmas. Fuck you and the Christmas music.

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At one point, I was genuinely concerned he was going to pull out a PowerPoint presentation about all his little feelings. I mean, I'm all for Mr. Emotional Vulnerability, but let's save the therapy session for when we're at least Facebook official. Yeah, he officially got off the track. And then there was the one who thought he was a comedian, Dade. Listen, I love a good joke.

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This is about me, probably. I love a good joke, but this guy's idea of humor was telling me how he once dressed up like a giant hot dog for Halloween and got kicked out of a bar. I mean, I'm all for invasing my quirky side, but I didn't sign up for a stand-up routine about condiments and buns. By the end of the night, I was pretty sure I'd just been on a date to the worst improv comedy show ever.

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No, that's the commercial break, my dear AI. So here I am asking you all for advice. How do I navigate this dating nightmare? I mean, do I start carrying around a sign that says, please don't panic, I'm just a regular girl who enjoys Netflix and pizza? Or should I start adopting cats and embrace my future as the crazy cat lady who has a podcast about dating disasters? Help me out.

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How do I find a guy who can handle my beautiful chaos without running for the hills? Now, you ready for the original? Yeah, I was going to say, what's the difference between... Hey, TCB, I love your show. I am 29 and single. So AI decided to make her a year younger. For what reason, I don't know. I'm 29 and single living in Chicago. I would consider myself a pretty attractive girl.

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And I've always had a problem being intimidating to men who think I'm, quote unquote, too hot.

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It'll play again accidentally.

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I just asked it to take the question, make a story that's interesting for for our podcast, essentially. Right. Can you. So then some of this gets gets put into this. And she says, you know, help me out. How do I find a guy who can handle my brains and my beauty without being intimidated? I'm just a regular girl. Right.

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So essentially, I think what she's saying is that she's an attractive woman and she finds that the guys that she's into find her intimidating. And yeah. Well, first of all, congratulations on being beautiful and congratulations on thinking you're beautiful. Yeah, I think that's amazing.

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Oh, it did? Oh, okay. There you go. It wasn't my fault. It's the cuckoo roadcaster is going on. Yesterday it just started blinking out. So if it does that during the episode, then no one will know because they just won't hear anything.

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best part about this this email that you wrote to us is that you have a degree of confidence in yourself and that is always going to be attractive and that is always going to be intimidating to no matter who it is whether it's a guy or a girl confidence is intimidating because let's face it most people lack confidence they just do um look at me i lack all kinds of confidence how do i make up for it i come on the commercial break and pretend like i'm a big shot

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But the truth is, I get intimidated by beautiful women also. But here's the thing. If you're really just a regular girl and you're approachable and you're humble and you have this quiet confidence about you, but you just like to do the regular things that everybody else likes to do, then I would suggest the following. Do not go on the dating apps because guys are going to swipe right on you.

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But then when they connect with you, they're going to feel a certain amount of intimidation because you're beautiful. Number one, find people in social situations because then it's easy for them to get to know you without staring at you. And vice versa. For you to get to know them. Right. Number two, wear a bag on your head. I mean, that's the only thing you can do. Right.

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When you're that beautiful walking around life, I mean, it must be difficult. What's the website where you can go? Only beautiful people. What's that website where they are the the dating app where you have to be like they have to approve you. You have to look a certain way.

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No, Raya's for famous people. There is a dating app where you have to be approved by other people that you're good-looking enough to be on the website. Social situations. People need to know your personality along with your good looks.

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If they're just looking at your good looks, they're going to be intimidated and they're going to start acting like dipshits right off the bat because that's what guys do. They stumble over themselves sometimes with a beautiful woman. And so I think that's probably why you're finding it difficult. Yeah.

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Also, maybe I suspect that, you know, I don't know, but maybe you're a little bit more difficult than you think you are. That might be something to think about, too. What is the website? Did you find it?

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Yeah, Elf was on – I think it was last night Elf was on, and my kids were watching it. And I just love the movie. I just love it. It's so near and dear.

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Imagine a fucking committee to get on a goddamn dating site.

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That's not real. Can you imagine if AI is now... Yes, I can. It's happening. I mean, it's hard enough out there in these streets. And then you've got AI making a decision about whether or not you could be on a dating app. That's pretty fucking shitty. And then you have to put yourself in the shoes of people who do not get approved. That must be a real fucking blow to your ball.

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That's what I read. Social proof. Yeah, you're right. There was this thing that – There's a term that was going around for a while called, and we referred to it as social proof, right? Like if you have a restaurant, social proof that other people like it will drive people into the door, you know, posting about this or posting about that. I love this restaurant. This food is good.

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Near and dear to my heart. And there's absolutely – I mean, like, there's sweet moments in it, right? But it's not some pious, preachy Christmas movie. It's not It's a Wonderful Life. It is just on the surface a – Grown up acting like a kid and getting away with it. And I just find it to be very lovely.

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The wait staff is amazing. That's social proof. Your friends like it. And so you're then likely to go try it if you're out for a new good time. And now I can start to see, I do think that people in general are moving away from posting on Facebook because let's face it, it's just a shitty platform with a lot of old people. It's like Nextdoor. Facebook is turning into Nextdoor.

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But Facebook dating, and when you sent me that, I did some research, Facebook dating has exploded. Because people can then see that they have friends in common. They can read comments. You don't have to be matched with someone to see people. And it's free. Yeah, and it's free. It's more of an inviting experience. Now, I would never go on Facebook to do dating, but that's just me.

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I'm not 19 years old, so...

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We did, but that was different. That was a long time ago when Facebook was still a thing and you would message people, number one. Number two, we didn't get connected by Facebook. Like I would have never seen Astrid had someone not pointed. I mean, maybe I would have, but had someone not pointed out that she was in fact there. So that took a real life social situation for us to get connected.

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Are people in your circle using Facebook dating?

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Well, I mean, okay. Is there anybody that you know?

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Who are these people?

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He's got his fingers in all of the pies. He's a finger pirate. He likes to finger pies. He's always fingering pies, that Mark Zuckerberg. And he's just creepy. Let's be honest about it. He's like, I think, I think Mark, if you want to, like someone goes, what is AI? Look at Mark Zuckerberg. I think he is literally a creation of AI. A DNA pool put together in some weird laboratory.

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He doesn't even talk like a human being. He's so strange. But he's got the kids' attention. What can you say? And Facebook Marketplace, by the way, I have been to the local police department at least... 12 times in the last three months dropping off stuff because we have sold stuff on that Facebook marketplace. And thank God because this podcast ain't making any money.

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Okay, you ready for another one? I'm ready. Here we go. The AI put the subject line, help, my husband's fantasy life is a little too adventurous for me. Oh, this one was interesting too. You ready for this? Yes. Okay, long time listener here, and I've got a hilarious yet slightly perplexing situation that I need your advice on. So strap in or strap on because this ride's about to get bumpy.

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I have to let you know that the podcast world has been shaken up, Chrissy, by yet another addendum.

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I'm 33, happily married for three years to the love of my life. Let's call him Mr. Go-Getter. We met at a restaurant where he was the adventurous type and I was, well, let's just say my idea of spicing things up was bringing home a new flavor of Ben and Jerry's.

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He brought a whole different vibe, suggesting threesomes when we were dating, which honestly made me feel a little bit like I was auditioning for a role in a very bizarre film. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm no prude. I can be adventurous in my own right. But when he suggested a threesome with a man, I thought, wow, I am definitely not ready for this level of team building. Yeah.

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The only thing I want to build a pillow fort for is Netflix binges, not a harem. Fast forward a few years, and recently I've discovered that Mr. Go-Getter has been watching a lot of porn. And it's not just any porn. We're talking about the whole library of gay male porn. I mean, I always knew he had a diverse taste, but this is next-level shit.

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I'm married to someone who has been secretly training for the Gay Olympics. Ha! And I didn't even get the memo. Now I'm sitting here wondering if I should be flattered or concerned. Is he secretly harboring a desire to join a male review? Should I be preparing myself for a romantic dinner where he suggests I wear a glittery bow tie to match his new interests? This is the AI? This is AI doing this.

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Okay. Is AI slightly homophobic or am I just reading this the wrong way?

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It's AI, but I will say AI didn't veer too far off the track here and I'll explain in a minute, okay? I'm all up for exploring new horizons, but I didn't think we'd be sailing into the waters of what's under the rainbow. So here's a question for you, oh wise and hilarious podcast host. How do I approach this situation?

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Should I dive into a conversation about his newfound interests without sounding like I'm about to launch into an intervention? Or do I just embrace my new inner wild woman and join him in a research session? Note, I'm open to the idea of glitter, but I'm not sure how I feel about the bow tie. Thanks for reading and keep those laughs coming. Okay, ready for the real one? Yes.

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Hey, Chrissy and Brian, I have a very interesting and perplexing situation going on in my personal life. I have been happily married for three years. And when I met my husband, I knew he was a bit of an adventurer. He would oftentimes ask us to do threesomes. And one night when we were engaged, he asked if we could bring a man into the bed, to which I replied immediately, no, I'm not up for that.

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Episode number one dethrones Joe Rogan, who has been king of the podcast world forever and ever. Amen. As long as I have as long as I have been around podcasting, Joe Rogan has been at the top. And I imagine he will be again. But Kylie Kelsey. dropped her very first episode of her very first podcast, and she dethroned Joe Rogan. Good for Kylie. Yeah, good for Kylie.

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Now, years into the marriage, I have discovered that my husband has quite the taste for gay porn. We haven't really talked about it. We still continue to make love as a couple. But I have a feeling that he is ready to adventure outside of the relationship to essentially tickle. She says tickle his fancy. And I think what he means is like go out there and get a taste of what it's like.

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I'm a little bit concerned that he might be undercover and he may find more interest in having sex with men. Do I ask him about this and bring myself into the conversation and agree to a threesome that makes me a little bit uncomfortable? Or do I just allow him to explore his other side in secret? Asking for your advice. Thanks so much. Love you all. I don't

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Well, she wouldn't have written in if she was okay with just keeping it a secret. I mean, if you do, like, okay, so she got an indication early on that he might be up for a little, you know, a little play with some, you know, a little ball play, so to speak.

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No, of course not. Yeah. I think maybe it's just a fantasy that you have or it's a fetish that you have or you like watching your wife or a significant other get cucked. I don't know. There's lots of different flavors out there.

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Lots of different flavors. And you can't make assumptions just because someone likes something that they are a certain way. And let's be real about it. Many people are finding themselves to be much more fluid than we ever thought. Lots of people don't fit into a box. And especially in 2024, I think it's more acceptable than it ever has, has been not to fit in a box.

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And it sounds like this guy doesn't want to fit into boxes. He wants to have people's boxes fit into him. So She moves forward a couple of years in the marriage and finds out that he secretly has maybe a porn addiction to men. Maybe this is just a fetish that he has. Maybe this is like a phase he's going through with the porn. But secrets are going to burn. They're going to burn.

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They're going to burn you. They're going to burn him. They're going to fester. You're already upset about it because you're writing a fucking podcast about this.

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You know, if you were okay keeping it a secret, you wouldn't have said anything. By the way, this is signed anonymously, so she did not leave her name. I would advise you to sit down with your hubby and be like, remember that time you wanted me to get spit roast? Are you into men? And if you are, is this something that we need to explore together?

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Or do you need to have a night out with the boys, so to speak? I mean, if you're up for it, like... Here's the problem is that if he continues to go down this rabbit hole, things that you watch often on porn, I imagine, often become fantasies that you feel like you want to live out in real life. And then, you know, let's be honest about it. You know, this happens all the time.

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That's right.

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That business trip to Vegas. One minute you're watching a little toe porn. The next minute you're sucking feet in Thailand. That's how it happens. Not that I would know, but that's what I know. Yeah, I think it's the best advice I can give you is that communication is always key. It is. And you can talk it through.

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And if your husband's secretly undercover, well, I mean, he's having sex with you, so he can't be that undercover.

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Right? He just probably likes to swing both ways and, you know, either let him have a night out and have that conversation.

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If you're okay with that. Or invite another guy into the bedroom if you're okay with that, I suppose. I think it's the best advice I can give. Keep on listening to the commercial break. Keep your marriage together. Sorry it took me six months to answer that question. You're probably divorced at this point. You've been waiting for that free advice to come your way.

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Send some magic this way, Kylie, please. It's just like another addendum to the Taylor Swift era. It's amazing to me how incredibly popular those Kelsey brothers have become. They have the number two or three podcast. They do. And then Kylie Kelsey, husband of a person, of a brother who was dating a girl who happens to be famous. It shows you that there's a very low bar to entry in our world.

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So AI is making very interesting stories out of all this. This is really fascinating to me how AI takes a little bit of information and then can generate a whole thing. Yeah. And you just have to feed it just a little bit of information. Hold on one second.

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No, it's a different one. Okay. Oh, this one's interesting, too. Okay, ready? We'll do one more. Do we have time or should we take a break or a couple minutes? Okay. Long-time listener, first-time emailer, buckle up because I've got a wild tale that's equal parts romantic comedy and sitcom episode gone wrong. I'm single and living my best life in a cozy little apartment. But here's the twist.

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I live next door to a super cute lesbian couple. I mean, they're the ultimate power couple. Think Beyonce and Jay-Z, but with a lot more flannel and a few too many houseplants. Oh, my God. That's funny. And this is AI. This is AI. And here I am, the single gal next door who can barely keep a cactus alive. But here's where it gets juicy.

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The single girl next door. Girl. Got it. Okay. So there's a gay couple, two women living next door. She's a single woman.

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But here's where it gets juicy. I've developed a full-blown crush on one of the women. Let's call her hot neighbor number one. I'm pretty sure she likes me too. I mean, we've had some eye contact and it could melt a glacier. I also swear I caught her giggling at my attempt to carry groceries one trip like I was some kind of Olympic athlete.

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Spoiler alert, I dropped a jar of pickles and it shattered everywhere. Wait, this is a story. Yes, this is AI making up a total story. It's so weird. It's so strange. Now I'm convinced that there's some cosmic connection happening here. Since we all share a wall, I've been blasting my favorite songs and belting out the lyrics like I'm auditioning for The Voice.

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I mean, if she's not into me, she might be after hearing my rendition of I Will Survive. Yeah. P.S. I can't carry a tune to save my life. So here's my dilemma. How do I profess my feelings for Hot Neighbor without it turning into an awkward episode of what not to say to your lesbian neighbor?

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Should I knock on the door and say, hey, I'm totally crushing on you, and it's not just because I'm desperate for a friend with better taste in houseplants? What's up with the houseplants?

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AI? Lesbians in the houseplants? I don't know. I can already picture the... Oh, wait. Or should I slide a note under her door like a high school love letter, complete with doodles and maybe a coupon for a free coffee? Well, AI, if they're living together, you don't slip a love note under the door. No, no.

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I mean, I want to make my move, but I don't want to end up being the neighbor who makes things weird. I can already picture the awkwardness running into her at the mailbox and... After I've confessed my feelings and she's like, thanks, but I'm kind of into this other woman. Right. So help a girl out. How do I navigate the neighborly crush without becoming a full-blown kind disaster?

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Original email. Hey, TCB, best to you. I am a gay woman living in a small apartment in the Northeast. I happen to live next door to another gay couple, two women. One of them is extremely hot, and I find myself crushing on her. I think we are into each other based on some looks and a few things that have been said during social conversations.

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I would really love to tell her my feelings, but I have no idea how to do that. Any advice? For a lonely, lost lesbian. Do not say the feelings. Do not say the feelings.

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A podcast? A very low bar of podcasting.

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You are a crazy person.

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As the resident gay.

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Okay. All right. Okay. You could do that. Well, listen, you know, like we said, things have gotten very open in 2024 and lots of people swing lots of different ways.

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You can't ruin the power because you've decided you have a crush on one of you have hallucinated that she has a crush on you. Additionally, I mean, might be true. But yeah, I've had these fantasies before in the past when I was young, like one of the girls in the cup, you know, there's a couple and one of the girls is hitting me.

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Now, one time it happened to be true, but the husband was asking me to sleep with his wife. So that's how I got that's how I picked up on the information that it was OK to do that. I'm telling you right now, I don't think it's a good idea that you should profess your love. Maybe a dinner is a good idea or move. You're stalking this poor woman. Leave her alone. Leave Brittany alone. All right.

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Let's take a break. More fun with STCB. We'll be back.

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Number one, we had reported a couple of weeks ago, and I say reported very loosely, because that's like Joe Rogan showing up at the White House press corps. But we had reported... We had reported that Jamie Foxx had said in a stand-up special he did here at the Fox Theater in Atlanta, people had said that he addressed rumors that he had been poisoned by P. Diddy.

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Okay, all right. One more AI-twisted Ask TCB, in case you're just joining us, which you wouldn't be because you'd be listening to the entire episode unless you're skipping around like an idiot.

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Basically, I took old Ask TCBs that I never got to because I'm bad about that and I'm sorry, but I took it and I threw it into AI and I said, make an interesting story out of it and spit it back at me because sometimes these are like, you know, a couple sentences long, but I just wanted to see what AI was going to do with it. And guess what I got? More trash. It's basically trash.

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it is but it's romance novel trash it seems like it's interesting that's the vibe that it is interesting isn't it and it only takes like a little bit of information the original question in any kind of identifying information and then i say i know we're totally fucked we are so fucked yeah oh man oh chrissy you got me there i take back when i said we weren't fucked we're We're fucked. All right.

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Oh, this is a good one, and I think we can chew into this one for a minute. Brian, help. My son is living the restaurant rock star life.

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Hey, Brian, big fan of the podcast here. 41-year-old woman living in Ontario, and I'm reaching out because I've got a situation with my 20-year-old son that needs some solid comedy wisdom. Who better to ask than you? My son is working as a bartender.

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Let me tell you, it's like watching a live action version of Cheers, except instead of Norm, we've got my kid doing tequila shots with all the regulars. I mean, I worked in the restaurant business in my 20s, so I know it can be a wild ride, but this boy is living like he's in a rock band.

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He's coming home at all hours, sometimes smelling like a cocktail and looking like he just finished a set at a dive bar. Last week, he stumbled in at 3 a.m. and I swear he was trying to convince me that he was just practicing, practicing being drunk. I mean, I get it. Who doesn't want to be the next Tom Cruise and cocktail? Tom Cruise and cocktail AI. Are you? What year are you referencing?

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How old do you think we are?

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That's true. But I didn't think it would involve my son turning our living room into a makeshift bar with a collection of empty bottles and ashtrays. And let's talk about the revolving door of ladies he's bringing home. It's like I'm living in a sitcom where every week it features a new guest star. I'm just waiting for the laugh track.

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Except I'm half expecting one of them to pop out of his closet next, holding a cocktail shaker and asking if we have any fresh limes. I'm not sure if I should be concerned or should I just start taking notes for my next reality show. That's an idea. TLC.

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And that was the mysterious illness that kept him in the hospital here in Atlanta for a month, two months, something like that. And there was no information as to why he was in this hospital. People just knew he was very sick. And there was no information coming. So... People said that when he did his stand-up special, he in fact said, I was poisoned by P. Diddy.

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Wait until I tell you about TLC's brand new reality show that I cannot wait to watch. So here's where I need your advice. How do I approach my son about his fast-paced party animal lifestyle without coming off like the cool mom trying too hard or the concerned parent who just sounds like a buzzkill? Should I invite him to a family dinner and casually drop some life advice between bites of lasagna?

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Or do I set up a surprise intervention with a PowerPoint presentation, second PowerPoint reference in three emails?

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No. Yeah, who uses PowerPoint? Someone says they're sending me a PowerPoint and I immediately go, not for me. Help me out here because I want to keep the lines of communication open without losing my sanity or my son. Thank you for any laughs or wisdom you might share. Thanks, AI.

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All right, the original email, let me just like, I'll put a summary to it because it's also very long and I don't want to get into every little inch of it. But basically, this lady is in her 40s. She does have a son that's 20 years old that's working in the restaurant business for like the last two years. He's really gone off the deep end. He's bringing like new girls home.

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It is. It is time for baby bird to fly from the nest. If you are a bartender, you should be living on your own because that's a lifestyle. You don't throw on anybody else except for another bartender. That's it. That's the only reason. Or a server. Or a server, yeah. Someone else that works till 3 a.m. in the morning.

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Listen, there's no advice I can give you because this kid is going to live his life. This is basically the closest you're going to be to Dave Grohl from the Foo Fighters is being a bartender at a popular bar. That's it. I don't know what else to say. If you're into the ladies, there's going to be lots of them. If you're halfway good looking, they're going to come home with you.

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You are drinking, you are drugging, you are having a party. The only advice I can give you as a parent myself, who hopefully does never have to deal with this, you need to just tell him to be careful, wrap it up, be consensual, and don't get crazy on the cheese whiz because the cheese whiz can get crazy on you. That's it. That's all I got to say. And take an Uber. Take an Uber. Yeah, take an Uber.

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Not too much nose candy. About an eight ball a night is probably the max. That's a sweet spot. That's a sweet spot for me. An eight ball, a couple of Percocets, six to 12 Bud Lights with a couple of whiskey drinks and a pack of six. One pack of cigarettes per night. If you're going for the second pack of cigarettes, you're over the eight ball limit.

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And then there's no reason to be out on the streets. Listen, the gas station guy knows. He knows. He knows when you're walking in at 430 in the morning for a pack of Camel Lights that you're fucked up.

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No, that's the other thing that I'd say. If he's a bartender at a popular bar, the guy is making loot, right? I mean, bartenders make good money if they're good at what they do.

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They make good money. If they make good money, they likely can afford a place on their own. I know Ontario right now, which she did right from Canada. I know Canada is having some inflationary problems. Everything is very expensive up there, just like it is here. But tell him to get a roommate. Get a roommate. That's it. Get a roommate. Let them live their best life.

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If he's smart like I was, by the time he's 48, he'll decide to calm down a little bit. Right.

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Now that the special is being previewed, we have yet again gotten it wrong, Chrissy. That is not what Jamie Foxx said.

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Yeah. Just tell him, listen, you know, when you're working in the restaurant business, it moves at a fast pace. It really is the rock and roll lifestyle. It's just close to being a rock star as you can come without being an actual rock star. And it's fast and it's loose, but mistakes happen and people get in trouble and you have to be careful.

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So explain to him that just don't go crazy on the drugs. Always take an Uber. Always make sure it's consensual and wrap it the fuck up. Because the last thing, the thing that will cramp your bartender lifestyle is a child. How do I know? I've got 40 of them. And they cramp my style. All of them. I can't get a fucking good night's sleep here.

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What's that?

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Grandpa. I'm a man. Not you. I was talking to her. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

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I know. Talking to the writer.

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Yeah, to the AI. Yeah. Plus, when he... Yeah, to AI. Exactly. Exactly. Tom Cruise cocktail PowerPoint presentations. That's what we've learned from AI. We are all fucked. You're right about that, Chrissy. Here's the other thing that I have to share with you. You won't be so incredibly worried about your son when you don't know every machination of what's going on.

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No, you don't even know what time he's coming in. You don't even know who he's coming home with. You don't need girls popping out of the closet. That kind of shit is free. If girls are popping out of the closet, call the police, honestly. Like your son's a creep. Girls are popping out of the closet. Well, there you go. That's a twist. There you go. Ask AITCB. There you go. Bam!

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Jamie Foxx didn't say that. Jamie Foxx talked about rumors that he had been poisoned, to which he said, I don't know about that. Like, I don't have any information on whether or not I was poisoned. I wasn't poisoned.

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Silly romantic love stories made up whole cloth by AI for one reason I don't know.

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It's like I just put a little AI, you know, I don't know, child worker to like, you know, here, go write some stories for me.

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Yeah. Here you go. Here you go. Just feeding you. They're all coming up to the surface and biting. All right. You ready? Before we go, I got to tell you about TLC's brand new reality show starting in January. It's a girl who has severe Tourette's syndrome and she's trying to find love. I could not wait for this show. Oh, yeah. She's cute.

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She's got like Tourette's, like the kind of Tourette's where you yell and scream things. And one of the trailers has her in an airport and she's waiting in line for her security. And there's pictures of guns, you know, don't take guns. And she's screaming, I have a gun! I have And I'm like, oh, but she's dating a guy, like another handsome man.

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So TLC just continues to knock it out of the park, fetishizing all the weird things that go on in this world. And what can I say to TLC? You're making a living off the backs of people. But hey, listen, if you become a reality star, right, even on the fetishizing of your Tourette's syndrome, I mean, I guess that's not a terrible thing at the end of the day. No, just careful in the plastic surgery.

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Oh, well, that's a different story.

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Those people deserve all the shit that they get.

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Yes. It's awful. They have turned into caricatures of themselves. Yeah. I don't even know.

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You know, I'm watching so many Instagram reels about so many, mainly women, but it's happening to men too, whose fillers are just out of control now. They're migrating all over their face. They're getting weird. Stacey and Darcy are two of these who just had so much work done, so many fillers put in, that their lips look like balloons. Their cheeks are almost closing their eyes completely.

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That sounds like, I have no reason to believe otherwise, but isn't that what everybody's saying? Isn't everybody saying they left the party early? So who in fact stayed at the party? If everybody left the party early, who was still there? Was it Jay-Z or Beyonce?

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Their foreheads are lumpy. Yeah. It's weird. Be careful. Be mindful. You're all right. Stacey and Darcy, while not my flavor in women, were beautiful girls in the first place. They were. Yeah. And now not. Yeah. They've always been destined for reality show success. They've been doing this even before TLC. They were making their own reality shows with their dad.

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And the truth is that, you know, they've got those kind of personalities that I guess some people like and they want to follow around and they're interested in the story. You don't have to blow your face up like that. That's just terrible. And now you're going to suffer the consequences. When do those fillers go away? Never, according to some doctors.

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Yeah. The doctors are saying that that doesn't work. Not all of them. Yeah, not all of them.

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One doctor was saying, there's like a doctor on Instagram, and he's a plastic surgeon who does fillers. And he says, when you do the fillers in the lips and some other places, he's like, there's some room for error, right? And if it migrates, it's going to migrate somewhere else in your lips. He's like, but people who are getting like, you know...

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eyebrow fillers, cheek fillers, you know, whatever fillers, chin fillers, all this other stuff to make themselves more defined. He's like, we can try and dissolve those things, but the truth is not all of it is ever going to be dissolved. It's going to live in your body until the day that you die. And he's like, we can't stop the migration from happening.

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We're seeing it happen over and over again. So be careful, kids, with the fillers. And also, the commercial break is now selling fillers. Come on down to TCB Studios. It's a filler party. Yeah, that's the other thing is that you don't even need a license. I mean, you can just fill. Anybody can fill anybody. That's the insane part about it is that there is literally zero regulation on this.

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And you can open up a shop tomorrow, call yourself a cosmetic whatever, and then start filling people. Isn't that true?

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You have to get them. Okay, well, maybe I'm wrong about that.

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Drama drop. Well, here's the other thing. The veneers are out of control. Veneers and fillers. Make sure you do those by someone licensed. And for God's sakes, if you're going to get anthrax put into your eyes, make sure it's by a doctor, someone who actually went to school for that shit. All right. Merry Christmas, everybody.

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Brian's giving advice for the holidays.

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Okay, simmer down. Christina.

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All right. Okay, so there you go. Ask DCB. AI-flavored Ask DCB. Yeah, AI-twisted. AI-twisted Ask DCB. TCBpodcast.com. That's where you go. You get more information about the show, all the show notes, the audio, the video. It's all there from one, right there from one location. No need to go anywhere else.

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Wow. I mean, this P. Diddy thing has legs. It's going to keep running for a long, long time. Okay. But it's Christmas and I don't want to talk about P. Diddy. Thank you. Let's talk about number two. I had claimed here on the commercial break that I was, in fact, one of the world's best lip sync detectors. Yes, you did.

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And now every single episode of The Commercial Break is available on video, either on the website, youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak, and soon on Spotify. I think we actually, I added a couple episodes yesterday, and I think they're going to start doing that with every episode. So you'll be able to watch it on Spotify if that's what you're into. Why not? I'm into it. Yeah.

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There's no money in it, but whatever. There's no money in this either. That's our business plan. That's our business model. I'm not Kylie Kelsey.

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Yeah, let's do that. Wherever the money is not, let's do that. All right. Yeah, I'm not Kylie Kelsey. I have 75 million people waiting for me to say a word. That's unbelievable. Kylie Kelsey. Who knew?

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Who knew? What did she have to say? I don't even know what she's all about.

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I guess we'll figure that out. At the commercial break on Instagram, if you would, please do go ahead and follow us. TikTok, as long as it's around, TCB Podcast on TikTok. As long as that's a thing. I'll have to go remove my Jamie Foxx video. It was getting attention.

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I'm just perpetuating the rumor he tried to stop.

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Well, God bless. I'm not making any money on TikTok either. 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, ask TCB. We'll get to it, or we'll put it in AI and make fun of it. Also, National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund, link down in the show notes, as well as the St. Jude Network of Hospitals. Please go donate. They need your money, and they're doing good work.

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Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for right now. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. And I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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that I could tell when someone was lip syncing with almost certainty because my eyes are so fantastic, as is my hearing, according to Apple's new hearing test.

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have no family to celebrate christmas with this year the commercial break is live the entire holiday season to make you even more miserable than you currently are so put your christmas pajamas on gather around the christmas tree and listen to brand new episodes of the commercial break

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But I might be wrong because there is a guy who broke down Taylor Swift's concerts, like five of them, layered them on top of each other, took pieces of songs, and then ran it through some very accurate machinery to see whether or not there was a track or if she was in fact singing live. And without any doubt, at least if you take this guy's

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You know, his graphs, his charts, charts and graphs and things that he has. And I don't know who this guy is either. Let me give him a shout out and then you can go watch his video if you so choose. This is, let me give his channel a shout out here because he was the one who, this is Wings of Pegasus. Nothing like Wings of Pegasus to get your...

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Hey, Chrissy, best to you. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe and happy holidays. Sometimes podcasts like ours will take off a lot of time during the holidays, but not us. We're gluttons for punishment. So we have the 12 days of TCB coming at you.

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I think Wings of Pegasus is going to dethrone Kylie Kelsey tomorrow. Wings of Pegasus did a breakdown, a thorough analysis of... It seems pretty scientific to me, at least. I don't know the first thing about it. And he, in fact, shows that the track that's being used, at least in part of the concert... is the same, the exact same during five concerts. There's no fluctuation in vocal tone.

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There's no fluctuation in timing. There's no fluctuation in texture of her voice or any of that stuff. It's all exactly the same. Now, some people might say, oh, my God, I can't believe I got hoodwinked into watching someone lip sync. And I say, really, who fucking cares at the end of the day? I mean, to get up there. No, it's a whole show. It's a performance. Yeah, to dance and sing.

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And I'm not, like... I think it's pretty well known at this point that a lot of artists use backing tracks or use pre-recorded vocals. And is that, are you there? Like, it's not Bruce Springsteen. You know what I'm saying? You're not there to see a 17-hour concert and watch a band take it to the absolute limit with all its foibles and flaws.

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It's not the Grateful Dead where you go Franklin's Tower into Slipknot, back into Frankenstein.

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franklin's tower and it's seven hours long that's not what you're seeing you're seeing a pop sensation do pop songs and quite frankly you probably do want to hear the album version of those songs like if she was actually singing there might be bad nights and and i i think about this too is when you have such a machine that's running can you afford to have a bad night can you cancel because your voice doesn't feel good can you uh

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Can you afford, can everybody else afford to have those weird fluctuations in vocal tones and textures or ambient noises or whatever? No, you can't. Do you think Live Nation is going to let that happen? So while it looks incredibly convincing, I would say that what I now know is I am not the world's foremost expert on lip sync detection.

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December 13th through the 25th, brand new episodes every single day and live fresh episodes during the entire holiday season. As the great Clark Griswold once said, Holy shit, where's the Tylenol? Find it quick and join us this entire holiday season for brand new episodes of The Commercial Break.

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The wings of Pegasus is, and he has determined that Taylor Swift is in fact lip-syncing.

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Yeah, she's got the Disney Plus thing out right now.

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Yeah, they're recording probably another one because people just can't get enough of it. Well, yeah, exactly. Why not? And Taylor's getting paid. Disney Plus had to have paid her $50, $60, $70 million to have that footage be aired on Disney Plus. And I don't know. I'm going to imagine that if my household is any indication, we have probably paid for half of that documentary.

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Because it's not. Non-stop running in this house all the time. And so, yeah, there has to be some cohesion. You tie those nights together, right? You take the good and the bad and you chop it up and you edited it. And that's why you record a couple different nights. And you have to have the same, like... like vocal intonations on the same night.

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So it would make sense that you would have some kind of backing track at least to lead you along so you knew where you were in tune. But this was not the nights where she was recorded for that documentary. This was, in fact, like... It was like Tokyo, Amsterdam... I forget it. Nottingham, England or something like that.

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He takes it and he puts it all together and what comes up, it's like a fingerprint. It matches exactly every night. And that... I guess surprised me because I thought I was pretty good at detecting whether or not someone was lip syncing. But then also you could hear some of like the, what they call the plosives. Listen to my voice. You can hear a plosive, right?

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It's my P's are popping a little bit. And that's an indication that I am in fact doing this live. No lip syncing here. There is plosives in my voice. And so there are plosives in her voice. And I noticed that when I saw her live. And so I thought, oh, clearly she's live. But then this guy shared that that's a pretty common tactic. You go into the studio and you record these live.

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With the plosives. With the plosives. You leave them in so it, in fact, does sound live.

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Wings of Pegasus. I'll tell you what. Youth is wasted on the youth. You know what I'm saying? Wings of Pegasus is probably 19 years old. He's got a million views on one video. He's probably 10. I'm 20. What's that? I said he's probably 10. Nah, I don't think he's 10. He's got a nice guitar. You don't give 10-year-olds nice guitars.

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Oh, it was a video. Oh, it was a video. It was a YouTube video. Yeah, Wings of Pegasus. Check that out.

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Yeah, now listen, Dave Grohl might have been right. Remember when Dave Grohl was making a big stink? He was picking a fight with Taylor Swift saying, at least we sing live or something like that. Do you remember that? Yeah, vaguely. Okay. Well, he was making a big stink and he got all the Swifties all upset at him. And then he said, at least we're singing live.

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And, you know, to which she responded, we're live, isn't it? Or whatever, you know, she said. And the fact remains, it's very possible that that $2 billion concert was just one big miming event. She was out there miming a lot to her own music.

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I think that there is.

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Actually, I don't really care.

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12 Days Of TCB: You Ask, We Answer

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Yeah, this is honestly the least surprising thing I've heard all day. It's more surprising to me that... Jay-Z and everybody else left the party early, then it is that Taylor Swift might be, in fact, lip-singing at least in parts of her show. There's like a part in her show where she sings like this 12-minute song. Don't know what it is. It's about Jake Gyllenhaal, apparently.

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12 Days Of TCB: You Ask, We Answer

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All Too Well. It's a really pretty song, actually. But it goes on forever and ever. There's like a four-minute version and there's a 12-minute version. She plays the 12-minute version at the show. At least she did at the one I was at. And I thought it was a really lovely song. I have to imagine there is no way that that was pre-recorded.

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12 Days Of TCB: You Ask, We Answer

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Because it did sound to me at times like she was in or out of tune. And so I thought, you know, that's... And I saw her face. I could see her and her guitar. She was playing the guitar. I could hear the strumming in the monitors. And then I could see that her vocals were there. So... You know, listen, if only...

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12 Days Of TCB: You Ask, We Answer

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When I was in 33P, we had had the opportunity or the technology to have backing tracks, auto-tune, and someone else sing our songs and create them and write them. It would have been possible that I also would have been a superstar. Because everybody's looking for an aging, bald, white guy with glasses who's over-opinionated, over-caffeinated, and over-stimulated to be a rock star. Yeah.

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12 Days Of TCB: You Ask, We Answer

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Doesn't the world need another Dave Grohl? Doesn't the world need another Dave Grohl? Am I right? Am I right? Is Dave Grohl wearing a wig? Shall we find out? I don't think so, actually.

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12 Days Of TCB: You Ask, We Answer

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Dave Grohl should go into hiding. There's a point when you just say to yourself, well, there's nothing good that's going to come of this. Listen, you know, he's a rock star. He's a rock star. You know, I think we put a little bit too much faith in some people sometimes that they're always going to do the right thing. He's a rock star. And also, didn't he like...

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12 Days Of TCB: You Ask, We Answer

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Hasn't he been on a chain of, if you look back on his relationship history, like a chain of cheating on people and then getting into a long-term relationship with them? I don't know.

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12 Days Of TCB: You Ask, We Answer

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He got somebody pregnant? Yep, he did. Out of wedlock? Okay. That's also the least surprising thing that I've heard all day. The guy from the Foo Fighters got someone pregnant. Honestly, you go on tour for, you know, 200 nights a year. That's got to be incredibly difficult just to keep the relationship together.

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12 Days Of TCB: You Ask, We Answer

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And then on top of that, all of the temptations and the just the seductions of being out on the road. Plus, you're in and out of touring buses, hotels, you know, like press events, all this other stuff. At some point, that's got to be so stressful and hard. And additionally boring that you just like need to liven it up a little bit. So a little cocaine and getting the locals pregnant.

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12 Days Of TCB: You Ask, We Answer

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Santa! Oh, my God! Oh, yeah, guys and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. It's 12 days of TCB, day number three. Jingle to your jangle. Chris and Joy, how are they? Best to you.

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12 Days Of TCB: You Ask, We Answer

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Oh, was it? Oh, well, then fuck him. Yeah. you. It was a one night stand kind of pregnancy that I can understand. Right. OK. Sorry. Whoops. I'm a rock star. What do you want me to do? But then you're doing a long term relationship. Come on, Dave. You know better than that. You drink too much Red Bull to get. I mean, come on, Dave. Let's get it.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe as we enter the last episode of today's endless day. It will end and it will end shortly. For the good of everyone involved, thank you to 5-Hour Energy, our sponsor, who has brought us this day with limited commercial interruptions. Danke an Astrid, danke an Jeff und danke an alle anderen, die so unterstützend waren.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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Rachel McGrath bekommt einen besonderen Ausruf. Tina bekommt einen besonderen Ausruf. Marianne, Jenny, ihr wisst alle, wer ihr seid. Ich will es nicht wieder machen. Ich will nicht mehr durch die ganze Roste gehen. Wir kommen kurz voran, um zu sagen, vielen Dank. Es war ein sehr interessanter Tag. Es war viel weniger zerstörerisch, als ich dachte, es wäre.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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I know. You should have just got the hotel.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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I had lube. I had the vibrating vagina that I bought when I got my... My balls snipped. The Volkswagen VW bus. I had all of it. I was ready to go. I thought, if I'm going to do this, let's just do it. Slip, slide. Slip, slide in a way. But the truth is, it really hasn't been that bad. And a lot of the people who have texted and kept us going. It's been interesting. We got to read some comments.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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We got to respond to some text messages. We got to go live for the first time ever since Clubhouse.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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And Fireside, true.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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And in our favor, in our defense.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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In our defense. We had more people join us today, which was few, on our live than we did combined on Clubhouse and Fireside together.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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Winning. Winning. What season was Fireside? Two?

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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We were in the other studio. Yeah, that's for sure. And we were on Fireside. Fireside still exists today. And it is a terrible mishmash of I don't know what. Clubhouse still exists today. They went to like a system. Let me give you an update on Clubhouse from Season 1. Now that we're kind of wrapping this up. We were on Clubhouse very early on in the podcast's existence.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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And we thought this was the answer. You were on Clubhouse. Well, I was on Clubhouse early on and I thought this was going to be our claim to fame. Our instant ticket to success. Our golden ticket, if you will, to success and fame. Our in to find a massive audience. Yes. And what it was, was an immense waste of time, energy and effort.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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Wally Green. Wally Green. Another episode that never ran. And that was a two-part, two-hour interview. We wasted two hours of that guy's life and I never ran that episode. And I'll be real with you, that was probably one of the more interesting interviews we've ever had.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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I need to dig it out and run it. Yes, I do. I need to reframe it, repurpose it, because Wally deserves that. Wally is one of the most interesting people I've ever met. He's a great guy. Von Gang-Member zu internationaler Ping-Pong-Sensation. Und er hat all diese Ping-Pong-Plätze geöffnet, die Kirche des Heiligen Rollers, Jesus, was auch immer, mit Susan Sarandon. Und einfach sehr interessant.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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Ich habe ihn auf Clubhouse getroffen. Er war gut genug, uns zwei Stunden seiner Zeit zu geben. Zwei einzelne, eine Stunde Interviews. Brian hat es nie gemacht. Für welchen Grund? Ich kann es bis heute noch nicht erinnern. Ich denke, weil ich es nie mit dem Editen gemacht habe. Es hat einen Monat gedauert, um jeden Episode zu editen.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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I was critical of me. Ja, es war sehr... Astrid erinnert mich darauf, dass es eine sehr seriöse Interview war. Aber, du weißt, wir haben noch viel mehr seriöse Interviews gemacht. Wir haben sie auch nicht gemacht. Das ist fair. Da bist du. Okay, also, hör mal. Ich bin so froh, dass alle mitgekommen sind. Ja, danke. Von der Mitte unseres Herzens. Ehrlich gesagt.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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Und danke, dass du für fünf Jahre gelesen hast. Ich habe seit der letzten Woche viele Textmessagen erhalten, die ich gesagt habe, wenn du jede Episode gelesen hast, lass uns wissen. Es ist ein lustiges Show. Wir lachen. Wir sind so selbstbewusst, wie wir können. Es ist schwer für uns, uns ernst zu nehmen. Es ist wirklich schwer.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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Yeah, it's hard for us to even say out loud that we're the hosts of the commercial break, let alone give ourselves any pat on the back. But I think we should be proud of ourselves, because not many people get this far in any venture.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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Cheers to five years. Most small businesses fail after just a year or two. Most podcasters bail out before episode number five. Very few have done more than 100 episodes, let alone 750 episodes. I think we're one of just a couple thousand who have done more than 750 episodes. And so I think we should be proud of ourselves, but more proud of the cool fan base. I'm not going to say fan base.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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The cool TCB universe that we have acquired along the way. You're not sycophants. We're not superstars. You're just some cool people that listen to us. Ich liebe dich. Ich liebe dich, Astrid. And we will continue to do this for the foreseeable future. So I think this is a good time to tell everybody it is likely we will sign with Odyssey for another three years of the show.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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And that means we're contractually obligated to be here for another three years. So, we're at least making it to year number eight. Let's put it that way. And that's only good news for everybody involved. And so we want to thank Odyssey, our network, who's been ultra supportive of this stupid stunt, this silly idea. Of course, we're thanking 5-Hour Energy left, right and sideways.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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We want to thank CTB, Bella at CTB more specifically, Joanna and Antoine too, but Bella for her super... Vielen Dank. Thank you to Rachel Bloom. Thank you to Michael Ian Black. Thank you to Reggie Watts. Love you, Reggie. Thank you for coming on and for always being interesting and bringing us into your life. Thank you to Tom Papa.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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Thank you for being interesting, talking to us like we need talking to, like an actual adult. And thank you to Tig Notaro, who gave us all of her energy, effort and emotional power. I guess her emotional support during that interview. Yeah, she was great. I thought we were going to do a funny interview and it ended up that Tig Notaro just became our therapist for an hour. So thank you, Tig.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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We appreciate that very much. And again, thanks to all of the listeners who have ever listened to a commercial break episode. If you're hearing me now and this is your first episode, welcome aboard. If it's your 768th episode, thank you for listening to all of them. We really appreciate it. It's been one hell of a ride. And it looks likely to continue, at least for a couple more years.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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Yeah, I'll say that. I'll say that, you know, we have no one watching us right now in the Twitch.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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Lest you think... this be the last stunt that the commercial break polls in 2025, you would be wrong. Brian's got the next one planned. And I have yet to tell Chrissy about it, because I didn't want her to say no before she said yes. So, Chrissy, will you do the next stunt with me? Won't be 12 episodes, I promise. Serenity now. So, I leave you with one last thing.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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Thank you very much. I love you. I'll leave you with one last thing. Two last things. You ready for this? First one?

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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Instant classic. But what I'll really leave you with is this. To all of you and to you and to you.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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I love that song, man. I can't get enough of it. And I don't think the listeners can either. You know what I'm thinking about doing? Don't stop me now, kids. You know what I'm thinking about doing? Putting together the TCB playlist on Spotify. What do you think about that? Putting some of these songs out on Spotify? Astrid's looking at me like I have four heads. She's like, don't you dare.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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Don't you dare think about doing one more thing. I'm also thinking about doing a third podcast, babe. Don't worry about it. It'll all be fine. The first two worked out great. Why not the last one? Alright, there you go. That's it. TCB's Endless Day comes to an end. As all good things must. And bad things, apparently.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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And mediocre things. We love you, we love you, we love you. All the things at the commercial break on Instagram. Please, please, please follow us. We're going to do our best to put more interesting content out there. Clips of the show. I'm going to think about trying. Yeah, we're going to think about trying. We're well on our way to thinking about trying.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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To put more interesting content out on Instagram. YouTube.com slash thecommercialbreak for all of the episodes on video. All of the celebrity guest episodes are out now. The first week in June you will get the rest of the episodes. Whenever you're listening to this, they'll probably be out. We'll put them out just as quickly as we can. TCBpodcast.com Email Astrid. Tell her you want a sticker.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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Say please, please, please. Email her twice. If it doesn't get there tomorrow, email her again. She likes when you email her one day after you didn't get your sticker. 212-433-3TCB 212-433-3822 You can go ahead and text us your questions, comments, concerns, contents, ideas. What do you think about TCB's Endless Day? Would you like another Endless Day?

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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Not this year, but would you like one next year? Das nächste Mal, wenn du zwölf Episoden bekommst, sind die zwölf Tage von TCB, die wir wieder machen werden. Aber das ist im Dezember. Also werden wir uns über das im Dezember kümmern. Zwölf Episoden. Oh, okay. Entschuldige. Astrid gibt mir mehr Handzeichen. Wie ein Baseballer, der erste Basecoach. Zwölf Episoden pro Monat.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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Es gibt 16 Episoden pro Monat. Oh, the endless month. Astrid says one every day. Sixteen episodes every day for an entire month. What do you think? I told Chrissy, I said, we only did really seven hours of content today. Howard Stern does that like twice a week. Anyway, you know the phone number, you know the Instagram, you know the YouTube, you know the website.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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There's millions and millions of dollars attached to that. Well, 5-Hour Energy, you're up to bat. Your move. All right. Until next time, Chrissy. I think this is all we can do for today.

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TCB'S Endless Day... Ends! #12

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BR 2018

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TCB's Endless Day #11

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Wo sind wir?

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TCB's Endless Day #11

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Ich habe es dir zeigen müssen, diesen Freak der Natur. Schau dir diesen schlechten Junge an.

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TCB's Endless Day #11

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Ich würde es als Boot nennen. Absolut wunderschön. Er kriegt eine Lüge.

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TCB's Endless Day #11

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Ich weiß! Ich weiß!

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Time to change into a suit. Oh mein Gott!

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TCB's Endless Day #11

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Pardo Yachts.

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TCB's Endless Day #11

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I love it. He's squeezing this boat in this little spot over here.

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TCB's Endless Day #11

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As you can probably tell, the party in the boat is getting a little bit more subdued right now. Yeah, it's crash time. We had a great time.

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TCB's Endless Day #11

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Gott sei Dank, meine wunderschönen Freunde, für die Einladung, dass wir beide mit dem Kapitän sind.

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TCB's Endless Day #11

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To drive us around for the full day. I'm sure that's what he was looking at all day long. Beautiful, beautiful friends. If you did enjoy the video, if you enjoyed all the little clips. I mean, that hair looks terrible.

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TCB's Endless Day #11

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Give the video a thumbs up. Let me hear your comments. I'd love to hear from you. My name is Frank Bernardo. I will see all of you in the next video.

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TCB's Endless Day #11

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You have got to check this out. You've got you've got to look at my sauce. All right. I'm proud. All right. I've been doing this now for a while. I took all the recipes from what I absorbed throughout my childhood, through my grandma, to my mother. Er ist Chef Yakamoto, Chrissy.

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TCB's Endless Day #11

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Schau dir das hier an. Schau dir das hier an. Warte. Okay.

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TCB's Endless Day #11

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Are you kidding me? Look at the oil.

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TCB's Endless Day #11

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Do we have to eat the oil too? We got meatballs. Meatballs. We got sausage. Sausage. Pork neck bones. Oh. And then I got pork. Ah, short ribs in here.

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TCB's Endless Day #11

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Pork neck bones?

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TCB's Endless Day #11

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That's right. Falling apart. All right. And then in a little bit, you're gonna throw on some pasta. Yeah.

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TCB's Endless Day #11

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My mother used to cook pasta Wednesdays and Sundays like clockwork. Das ganze Ding. Ich liebe es. Ich werde es nie vergessen.

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TCB's Endless Day #11

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Das italienische Tradition. Es war wirklich, wirklich gute Sachen.

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TCB's Endless Day #11

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Rock it! So this morning, I'm watching this clip on Instagram, and there's this asshole, Brian Green. Hahaha. Ich schwöre dir, ich dachte, das kommt. You know, I had to keep watching because I was actually blown away. There's actually some moron telling you, telling us guys, that working out less, you're going to get better results. It was the most absurd, obscene thing that I have ever heard.

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Obscene? Says the guy who tells people how to work out, eat better.

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TCB's Endless Day #11

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Obscene. He really took offense to this. And the guy was buff.

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TCB's Endless Day #11

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Boaxing.

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TCB's Endless Day #11

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Lifestyle, still doesn't use his T's. Lifestyle! Everyone's the expert. And everyone's trying to sell you something. Everyone's trying to sell you on their program. So getting back to this. Not unlike you. Not Frankie.

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All right.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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like overnight and i saw that video and i was touched confused uh awestruck beshucked i don't even know how you say it i was i thought wow they really just went out there and let it all loose did you have any sense in that moment in 2012 standing there on stage at largo that just being this vulnerable would lead to such a connection with so many people

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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One of the things that I have found the funniest that you have done is your Taylor Dane story. And I know you probably get this a lot, but this American life where Taylor comes out at the end. I've only seen this on YouTube, so I don't really know. Did you know she was coming out? Because part of me thinks you knew and then part of me thinks you didn't know.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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I know Ira doesn't want you to say.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Oh, they did?

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Oh, on PBS?

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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On PR, I'm sorry.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Well, you can tell me off air, or I may never know. I don't know.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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It's one of the great moments in comedy is when Ira Glass says, and now, ladies and gentlemen, Taylor Dayne after you tell the story. And for those of you who don't know the story, go watch it on YouTube. And I'm not going to try and retell the joke because it's hers and she does it so much better. But multiple run-ins with Taylor Dayne. And you tell that story to great effect.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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And I think that story is like, when you tell that, it is... I don't know, it's a prime example of where you are best is being your observational kind of pregnant pause here, you know, little nod to the crowd there. And it's so funny. What did you find funny as a kid growing up? Where did you get this kind of sense of humor? What was funny to you?

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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What's the first thing you remember being funny as a kid?

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Yeah, it's not very structured.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Yeah, my mom was my mom. I think Chrissy and I imagine sometimes we have the same parents as best friends because my mom was this Midwestern loudmouth cigarette smoking on the phone till four o'clock in the morning. Always, always good with a story. The story never the same twice. Always good with, you know, text. Always with a punchline, always funny.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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But my dad was extraordinarily reserved and never gave a hug or a proud of you. But he would drop a bomb and leave the room. He was that kind of jokester where someone would be talking about something and he'd throw a hand grenade in the middle. Everyone would laugh and he'd be out the room, right?

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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He was one and done kind of guy. And I can see how you're telling the story now about your mom and your stepdad. You're like a mix of these two personalities.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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You have this reservedness, but then there are moments when there seems to be some absurdity that comes out. I always like to ask this of comics who are, I mean, really good, have been doing this for a long time and are really recognized. Who are some of the comics that you enjoy watching now?

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Now, like in 2025.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Oh, yeah.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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So... Where do you live? Where in the world are you living? Are you living out in L.A.?

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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You live in L.A.? Do you still get a chance to go... Like, I know you're probably... Working on comedy all the time, right? That's your thing. That's your gig. Where do you go when you want to work out that set? Do you stay local and you just go out there and hit up, say, hey, I want to come in and do 30 minutes or I want to come in and do 15 minutes or...

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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That's incredible. Well, first of all, you probably have earned the right, I mean, you know, you've got a family and all that, but then you've earned the right to get up there and do an hour and a half. That's, you've carved your own path, but at 90 minutes standing up there, you know, cutting your teeth on new materials. Sounds very scary. I mean, to me. For us.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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I enjoy the comfort.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Yeah, we can hide behind the microphones here on the commercial break. I'd love to go do stand-up, but I also have three children and a wife, and I'm a little bit longer in the tooth than a lot of the people out there that are doing it. And I just don't think I would. I know my wife wouldn't stomach the travel, but I don't think I could stomach being away from my kids for that long.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Or I'd really start to enjoy it. And that'd be the problem is like, I'd start to enjoy being away. It's nice to be away from the kids with room service.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Blue in the face.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Fell out flat on your ass. Yeah.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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You know, the funny thing that you talk about, like these are my favorite people. I have brothers, you know, brothers and they're older. They may or may not ever give my kids cousins and hopefully they do, but they probably won't. But they come over and I see their general irritation with the children. Like they last 30 minutes. 30 minutes being good uncles and then they get irritated.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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They want to watch the football or the golf or whatever.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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And, you know, then they egg me to come out for drinks and I'll go out and I don't drink anymore, but I sit there and then I'm kind of get itchy and I want to go home. And they're like, oh, come on, man, we're going to go to the next place. And I'm like, you know what? I really want to be home with my family. And I know it's so hard for you to see.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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All you see is three little, you know, 15 little nightmares running around and irritation. But to me, that is what feels to me like love. That's what feels that's what.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Takes me away from the stress. Makes me feel good. That's my therapy is when I can throw my kids in the air or, you know, give them a hug, put them to bed, give them a shower. Those are the type of things that make me feel like I have purpose and drive and love.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Yeah. I know you just turned 28 again, but do you, like me, do you find that being an older parent, I think I realized more that these moments are fleeting and that I need to... I need to be in the moment, soak them in and be aware of what's going on. Like every, I want to eat every moment up because like you, we have our routine. We play tickle monster.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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My uncle, my youngest calls it ish, ish monster. I don't know why she calls it ish monster, but she does. And we run and scream. And as you know, people are banging their heads and sometimes they're stripped to hospitals. But those are the moments that we, those are the moments that we, and I have insurance, might as well use it. They, those are the moments that I just, I'm so lost in a sea of,

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this is incredible. And every moment I want to enjoy it. I think if I was 22 years old, defects may have my children, if I'm 22 years old and had kids a little bit older. And so I have this, this appreciation that I don't think I would have had, had I had children younger. Do you, do you get that sense? Is that somewhere in your head?

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unlucky person I like to say everything you've said resonates so much with me first of all it's heartwarming second of all it all resonates with me because with my wife it all falls apart then I am just the tickle monster raising my children on Doritos and skipping school every third day because I can't wake up on time to take them

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Second of all, yeah, I think older, like I told my dad one time, I remember having this like touching conversation with my father probably about two decades ago. We had a complicated relationship, like a lot of sons and fathers do and daughters and fathers, quite frankly, and parents and children have, right?

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Complicated relationships with weird things that happened and misinterpretations and miscommunications. He comes from a different generation, and he wasn't the most loving. And I was creative, and I don't think he understood that. And I, like you, had a hard time in school, so I decided that wasn't my thing. He didn't appreciate that.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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And I remember having this conversation in my 30s with him where I started talking to him in a car. And... for some reason I just felt the need to say to my dad, I want you to know that I love you for everything you are and everything you're not. And that, and I'm going to, this is going to give me chills. This is going to make me upset.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Grammy nominated, am I right?

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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And he had to pull over the car because he also got teary eyed and said, I made so many mistakes and I'm so proud of who you became. It was like the first time I'd ever heard my father say that. And you can't, you can't anticipate that. That your children aren't going to feel the same way, but you can hope that you do it a little bit differently and better.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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But one of the greatest joys of my entire life is watching my father be a grandparent to my kids because he is the father that... He is the father that I never had with my kids. And that's just incredible to watch that he gets it. He got it. He gets it, right? And so in being older, I think now I have softened, the edges have softened.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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And now I get to try and hopefully be that father to my kids that I never had. But then they also have their grandfather that is being the father that I never had either. And that's just amazing to me. Did your parents get to see... I know your mother died right before Largo. Yeah. Was there any... Did you feel like your mom was proud of you? Did you feel like... Oh, yeah.

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Like you had a great deal of support?

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Sickness.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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I have such chills right now because that's like a life lesson that I think every parent needs to hear.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Feeling down, feeling.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Oh, that just touches me. Yeah, I didn't expect this conversation to get so emotional. I mean, I knew I was excited, but I didn't know I was going to have a tear in my eye. Yeah, something about having another life form And I imagine it like a lotus flower that just kind of unfolds, right? You're watching these personalities and these human beings develop.

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And I'm just here to make sure that the flower gets watered. It's got good soil and it gets watered and it's got a roof over its head during a stormy day. And then let it unfold. Because, you know, the universe is a funny bitch. Right. And she has a funny way of, you know, playing around with us. And I imagine that my kids are going to give me just as much trouble as I gave my parents.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Can you, you know, as if you haven't given us enough. Can you give us an idea of where you were mentally in that moment up there on stage? Was this a moment of desperation where like, I've heard you say before another, let me preface this, I've heard you say before another podcast interviews and read that it's like, fuck it.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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And that's just the way it is. Yeah. But I'm here for it because that is what life is all about. And, you know, and I want them also to know, you know, they kind of wrapping this back into mental health. I also want them to know that good, bad or indifferent, which is not what I sometimes felt with my own parents. or my own dad especially, good, bad, or indifferent, my love is not conditional.

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It is not conditional upon who you love or who you date or what you do or how you style your hair or whether you wear a dress or shoes or pants. I don't give a shit about any of that. My personal choice might be different, but it doesn't matter because that's your personal choice, and I love you unconditionally.

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right and that's huge and i think a lot of us especially of our age we did not get that because our parents grew up with parents that were so much different they were almost like you know apes out in the uh out in the woods out in the jungle you know they threw them to the wolves and just let them you know just god bless you and you know like almost like little soldiers stamping them out and getting them to school and making sure that they didn't do anything wrong and there was no limit to the punishments and all that other stuff but we've learned

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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And so, you know, I know a lot of us suffer some form of PTSD from the way that we grew up or from the parenting or lack thereof. And so it's important to, you know, reconcile with that at some point so that you can be a better parent or human moving forward. Do you get like a vulnerability hangover sometimes? From being out on stage and telling your life story and being so raw?

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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If I say this out loud and then I die tomorrow, well, then at least I said it out loud and somebody somewhere may get something out of it. Was this like just a moment of pure desperation in your mind or where were you? Where were you mentally? I'm curious.

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You know the comic Neil Brennan?

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Yeah, so we had him on one time, and I think he said something very similar. He said, I did depressed. I did that for a while, but that's not me. Now I've turned a corner. I have something else to say. Yeah. Yeah, but if people love you for you and they want to see your evolution.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Sticked was.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Two things. Number one, you said something, and I forget where it was because I've been headlong in Tig for a couple weeks, but you said something that you got fired from one of your first jobs as like a comedy club host, like a host. You know, you got a week-long gig, and you went up there and bombed the first set, and they said, hey, thanks anyway, but we're letting you go.

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Emergency fill-in comedian.

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But then you walked outside and a friend of yours was pulling up and she said, they don't get you and they get me, but you're going to thank your lucky stars that they don't get you. You're going to find the people who get you, right? Well, you found the people that get you, Tick. And I think they're along for the ride. They're not here for the one note wonder.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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But this brings up an interesting, because you're not just a comedian, you're also a My wife, who's Venezuelan, has no idea who you are. And I have enjoyed your comedy for a long time. And so I got so excited when I saw you pop up on the morning show with Jon Hamm and Jennifer Aniston. And I was like, that's Tig. That's Tig. And she's like, oh, wow, that's Tig. And I'm like, that's Tig.

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Were you so excited to be a part of that project?

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No, go ahead.

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Every A-list star in town is on that show. And Tig is like, eh. i'm good i just happen to know them all from different things i'm like this is this is awesome this is so fun i saw a wild reel this morning or was it yesterday john ham on some cheesy 90s dating show with like long surfer hair and he was like one of the three guys where the girl was asking the question you know one

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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He's just like, hey, you know, stereotypical, not in these dating shows. It's the girls in some bustier and the guys are, I'll take you out for a date and lick your toes or something like that. Who knows?

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Anyway, it was funny. And he was one of the only gentlemen on there, by the way, just to let you know. So he's maintained that. And you just, you were sharing with us, you just produced... the Sundance Film Festival Award winning... This is a documentary. So tell us about this. I'll let you share.

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Oh, that was brilliant.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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that's incredible yes yes i can't wait to see this movie it's yeah it's called see me in the good light i'm sorry i i cut you off no that's exactly it and i mean there's a chance and it was purchased it'll be uh on a streamer and available later in the year but we'll give out that information when we're available to and hopefully that'll be today as this airs but if it's not uh we will let everyone know the day that it's announced

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i think part of what has been uh so amazing about funny to me whatever that looks like whether that's stand-up comedy or your favorite show or practical jokes or whatever poetry whatever that is what has been so amazing to me and what i have realized especially in the last couple years of my life is that funny is a bridge that can get us from point a to point b

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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and connect us in ways that we never expected, just like music and a lot of other things in our life and love and passion. Funny is one of those tendons that is out there that keep us together and pull us in close when times get tough.

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Absolutely. You are a living testament to that. Thank you. Want to let you know that your comedy has both touched me and made me laugh out loud. And I'm here for the ride. You found your people.

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Natara, you are a gift, a gift to us all. You're a national treasure, Tig.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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And you're also welcome back on the show anytime. Thank you for joining us on the 12 Hours of TCB. This has been enlightening and emotional, which I didn't expect.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Five years, 1,000 hours, 750 episodes of the commercial break. I have yet to shed a tear, and Tig got me to do it. So there you go. Look at that.

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Thank you, Tig. We'll put all the information in the show notes.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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That's 10. 10 in the bucket, kids. Oh, whoa. The penultimate episode of TCB's Endless Day is in the can. Thank you very much to Tig Notaro. Handsome the podcast. Available everywhere you find podcasts.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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It really is. With another TCB friend, Fortune Fimster. And Mae Martin is also on the show. We haven't gotten her on the show yet, but we'll work on that. We'll work on that. Um, Tig was wonderful. It was an emotional time for everybody. Please excuse all the crying. But, you know, hey, listen, it's Tig Notar. She's like a legendary comedian. And then she comes on and she acts like you're...

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Like your big sister. What are you going to do? I know. You just want to cry on her shoulder. She's got that kind of personality. She's been through it. Are you going through it? If you're going through it, May is Mental Health Awareness Month any day of any month of any year. You can dial 998 or Google the National Alliance on Mental Health Illness. There are free resources all over the place.

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Text or call that 998 if you're in a mental health situation.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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crisis or you're having an emergency or you're really off you're really in bad shape you're not alone there are professionals that can help you regardless of the resources you have available money wise you can get the help that you need reach out to a friend reach out to a family member reach out to emergency services if you're in that kind of situation but don't go through it alone please we're begging you we've all been there we have all been there the tides will turn things will get better no matter what's going on

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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All right. Five Hour Energy is our sponsor, bringing you this with a limited commercial interruption. It's been a great day so far. We want to thank them very much for all the product they sent us and the sponsorship dollars to make this happen. It's been a great partnership with Five Hour Energy, and here's to hoping it happens again.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Maybe not 12 episodes, but on the next thing that we decide to do, here's to hoping. All of Tig's information is in the show notes. Check out Handsome, the podcast. I want to thank All of the people at Handsome also for running promos for us. 212-433-3TCB.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas at thecommercialbreak on Instagram and youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak for all of these episodes. Over the next couple of days, we'll roll out on video, but Tiggs is out right now. Okay, Chrissy, one more to go. We're doing it. I love you.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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There was a real, I bet, sense of catharsis in a lot of ways. And I think sometimes, I know this is kind of the sick, twisted mind of us as human beings, but I think sometimes in ways when we're able to connect with other people's pain, it allows us to... Vent our own, dull our own, but then say, you know what?

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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It's not as fucking bad as I'm making it out to be in my own head because this person or just the simple connection that I feel bad, they feel bad. We're kind of in this together. Did you... Did you seek? I'm sure you did. I mean, I can I can almost answer this. I'm sure you did. Did you seek therapy during this period of time?

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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And I'm I imagine that was helpful because the cancer alone, it's like you're facing the the empty chamber of a gun. You're staring it down at all times. You just don't know what's coming next. And that's got to be really scary.

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The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.

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And on this very long day, Chrissy, Tig Notaro is here with us.

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The .9 is C. diff?

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How long did you struggle with this for? Like, is this a long illness that takes a long... I imagine, because it's in your gut and you can't get rid of it.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Welcome, Tig, to the commercial break. Thank you.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Random orgasm.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Such an honor to have you here, and I do not say that tongue-in-cheek. I want to start off by asking a serious question, and then we'll get to the funny shit later. I...

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That is intense. And then diagnosed with breast cancer. Your mom dies. The breast cancer, which is a diagnosis that so many women each year will receive, you know.

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Yeah, Chrissy.

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The speed at which the cancer took Kelly, if I can speak from where I was sitting as Chrissy's best friend for decades, was...

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sense that your career, and I think you have said this, your career really kind of hits, and you put some gasoline in the tank, when you are at your most raw and vulnerable, and possibly maybe even you would consider the worst moments of your life, the worst time of your life, 2012, Largo, you walk out there and bravely say, I'm Tig Notaro, I have cancer. And the

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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On this episode of The Commercial Break.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Yeah, I think that for those who wonder, there is no weakness in needing an objective ear because I think we are all at times crying. Listen, life can be really difficult. And it can be really shitty and we're all crying out in our own ways at times.

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And sometimes, I mean, I'm going to oversimplify this, but I think that's important to get it down to its base nature is that sometimes you just need somebody who's not in the middle of the storm. Objectively. Objectively. So that if anything, you can just shout into the void and have someone shout back at you that I'm here and I hear you. I can't fix it, but I hear what you're saying.

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Or give you the tools to kind of help work through it.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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Brand of humor has largely, for me at least, watching you over the last decade, has largely become this kind of stage catharsis. You're very raw. You're very open. You're telling your stories. You're a fantastic storyteller with such dry wit. Sometimes it's the things you don't say, Tig.

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Sometimes it's when you're not talking, Tig, that I laugh the hardest. I'd like you to know that.

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There's a musicality to it. Do you know that? I mean, you must know that, that there's a beat, a rhythm to what's going on up there with you.

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TCB's Endless Day #10: Tig Notaro

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I'm sure that's an exchange with the crowd also. It largely depends on how you're feeling with the crowd. It's a back and forth, much like musicians will talk about. I'll keep that guitar solo going an extra eight measures if I see that the crowd is enjoying what's going on. End it quickly if not.

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Twelve episodes no one asked for, but everyone's getting. Probably many people unfollowing us now as they got... William, I already said that. Julie and Tina. Not our Tina, but those Tina. But you know, that begs reminding here. There are a couple of people that I think need a special hello and shout out.

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Ja, sudden passing, in particular. Ja. Sudden, like overnight kind of thing. And we kind of patched it together. I had Tina come in, Christina helped, Astrid did a few episodes, Gustavo even came in and jumped in from here to there. But when Chrissy came back, obviously you just don't recover from something like that overnight.

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There was a couple of rough days there and we had a long day at the studio one time. And Chrissy brought in some boozy seltzers or whatever they are. Chrissy, this episode is...

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fucking hilarious but I will never air it because it's hilarious because as the episode goes on you get less and less coherence and I'm like I'm just trying to hold it together like the episode I'm trying to like keep the train on the tracks long enough so we can say goodbye but then there's one episode that we recently recorded as far as bad is concerned where the guest of ours oh I know that one actually two of them two of them in like a week where the guest of ours

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Wie Brian würde. Für eine Stunde. Aber die Diskussion war so... Wie sagen wir das? Wie sage ich das, ohne es auszulösen? Die Diskussion war so... Terrible, like self-aware terrible, that nothing about it ended up being funny. And halfway through the episode, the person's parents came in the room to check on them to make sure that they were still okay. Like alive okay.

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And I was like, oh my God, we gotta bail from this, Chrissy. We gotta get out of here. The second episode that I can think of, we don't talk politics on the show. Very rarely do we talk politics on the show. And we got someone who we loved. We absolutely loved the interview. And we tried to explain to them that we didn't talk politics on the show.

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Persisted to talk nothing but politics for the next 45 minutes.

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Yes, that was terrible. My favorite episode, my favorite episodes of all time. Shama-Lama-Ding-Dong, because this is the first time I had really been introduced to Kenneth Copeland and kind of his brand of craziness.

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The preachers and the hype man behind Kenneth Copeland speaking in tongue. Oh, well, the Frankie B. Yeah. Because in Frankie B., we will review it in our last episode of The Endless Day. Chrissy and I have got some brand new Frankie B. material. Brand new? He started putting out more videos.

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No, he didn't. I think his girlfriend's in the video. Oh, okay. Frankie looks older. More red, more leathered, less hair. Didn't he get those hair plugs? Yeah. I don't think they took. They didn't. Frankie's follicles. Yeah, we'll see. Frankie's follicles.

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But that episode, where Frankie talks about how if a girl has a phone, it's talking about going on first dates, second dates, third dates, whatever it is. He's trying to give love advice to guys over the age of 50, 60. ChatGPT actually, they kind of called this. You ready for the brand? What kind of content Frankie B. puts together? What's that? Cigar bar content. Oh. Masculine cigar bar content.

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So Frankie is explaining to the guys all the reasons why all the things to look for when your girl is cheating on you. And one of the things you to look for is, does she have a phone at dinner time? Does she actually look at her phone at dinner time? Because if she looks at her phone at dinner time, she's not paying attention to you. And there's someone else out there that has to be.

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... taking her time, I suppose. Look at my body! What was one of the other signs, Frankie said? If they're working late. If they're working late, that's right. If they change their hair color. Yeah, right.

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But I do think that anybody who studies that cheating psychology will tell you that that's definitely a sign to look for. If your girl or your guy, your boyfriend or your girlfriend, your girl, girlfriend, both your girlfriend, your polyamorous girlfriend, if you... They all of a sudden decide that they are going to change the way that they look, like just change it overnight.

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They're going to go to the gym all of a sudden. They got a brand new wardrobe. They're changing their hair. They want to go get Botox, whatever it is. That is a sign that you're cheating. Now, Astrid, I have to ask you, when I start eating cream and cereal three times a night and I gain 30 pounds in a month, do you fear that I'm cheating on you? Astrid's face.

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Oh, when I use the phone at dinner, she does. Oh, see? Maybe Frankie's on to something here. I don't know. We're going to have to find out in the next episode. Okay, let's do this. Let's take a short break. We got a tight timeline. We got to turn it around. And as soon as I get my shit together, we'll do that. All right, Chrissy and I will be back in just a few minutes.

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Ich glaube, wir kriegen den Anruf nicht zurück zu Mempho. Jeff ist im Live-Chat. Wir sind jetzt auf Twitch, nur damit ihr euch fragt. Unser erstes und letztes Twitch-Event auf der Kommerzpause. Jeff ist auf Twitch und ich habe gesagt, dass ich Töne neben den Portapottis bei Mempho habe. Und er hat gesagt, keine Töne für dich. Keine mehr Töne für mich. I gotta be honest, that'll be okay.

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Because I would much rather go to Mempho and watch Mempho than watch Mempho and try and record people while the music's going on. Yes. Oh my God. I mean, we gave away... War das unsere fünfte Saison?

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Nein, das war die zweite oder dritte. Ja, also Jeff, diejenigen von euch, die das nicht wissen, und ihr wisst das, wenn ihr den Kommerzabbruch hört, Jeff setzt auf Memfo und ein paar andere Events in Memphis jedes Jahr. Und das ist ein großartiges Musikfestival. Es sind drei Tage jetzt? Ja. Es sind drei Tage lang. Und das Jahr, in dem wir da waren, war weit verbreitet. Und Andy Frasco war da auch.

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The five years of commercial break. By the way, we're celebrating five years. You're joining us on Twitch, which there's zero people watching us on Twitch.

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Ja, das stimmt. Und ein paar andere Leute, ein paar andere Bands, die ihr gewonnen habt. Ich denke, die Yvette Brothers waren da auch, das Jahr, in dem ich da war. Also der weit verbreitete Panik und die Yvette Brothers. Well, we decided, okay, hey, what if we put a tent there? What if we get one of those booths and then we could get people to get excited about the commercial break?

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But mainly we'll record an episode or two live from Mempho. Great idea. Great idea. Not thinking for one fucking clear-headed second, Brian, that at a music festival there will be live music, leaving zero time for you to be... Like, I get bothered when Blue barks in the background, but I thought going to a live music festival was a genius idea, a great place to record a podcast from.

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Well, we bailed on that idea as soon as we got there. I'm like, okay, we're not going to be able to do that. But I have all this equipment that I bought to do like, you know, man on the street type interviews. And let's spend a thousand dollars on stickers, bumper stickers.

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We still have them to give away so that people with a little QR code on the back and people will be able to subscribe to the podcast right from that QR code. I bet Jeffs had to pay the trash people an extra $500 just to clean up all of the TCP stickers on the ground. I mean, we gave away so many of those stickers. And when I was leaving the last night, I just saw them all over the ground.

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Jeff and John. Shout out to Jeff and John. Jeff and John. Hello, guys. How are you doing on Twitch? We're on Twitch right now. Jeff Hoadley, mein Freund, mein Mann-Freund, mein erster Freund. Ich habe einen neuen Freund, der ist bei Starbucks, Jeff. Und er ist reich, also fuck you. Du könntest mir vielleicht eine Tente bei Mempho neben den Portalettes holen, aber er hat einen Hummer.

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And I was like, well, okay, I guess that didn't go so well. And I did these man-on-the-street interviews. And when I went back and listened to them, I thought, wow, this is great audio. If I was a taper for widespread panic, then that would be great. What's that?

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Yeah. No, I mean, I got more widespread panic than I got actual interview.

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Yes, I got widespread panic and no interview.

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We did have some interesting people.

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I have to be honest with you. I was not so jazzed about that. But I decided to let it go. It was your weekend and you and Jeff's weekend and I decided to let it go. But Chrissy was like, I'll be there. We're going to do this. We got this.

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Where's Chrissy? Das ist mein Freund Bob! Ja. I had fun at Mempho. Mempho was good. I'll never forget standing out front of Mempho right before the gates opened. And there was like, people were lining up. People were getting dropped off and they were lining up. And Astrid and I were sitting out there with Tina and Mike on like a cooler or a box that we had brought full of stuff.

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And we were sitting out there and the security was like, we were like, well, you know, we're trying to get in and we have these passes and we're supposed to be inside and we're supposed to do this and we're supposed to do that. And we sat out there for like 45 minutes as I think the security grew increasingly worried about what was in our box. Like the security dog.

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Like bringing it around and sniffing the box. And I was like, ah, yeah, no, just the commercial break. You've never heard of us? Don't you know who we are? We're number 312 on the trending charts. Right above the god pod and below Jeff Dwoskin. Ja. And then we reached new lows, financially and numbers-wise. So, Kirstie and I were talking about this earlier in the day.

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I was about to say earlier in the show. Earlier in the one long running show that we had. Endless day. One long endless day. And that is that the commercial break in Season 5, I think, did one thing that I don't think any of us really expected to happen. And that was, it became like a serious business. In Season 4 slash Season 5.

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Became a serious business, get signed to a network, you know, have a certain amount... Taxes. Taxes, capital rolling in the door, employees, HR and all that. And so that took on, it took on kind of a new tone and texture to it. And I think Season 5, if I'm being 100% honest, I think we kind of, at times, me, myself...

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I kind of lose some of the excitement for the content because I'm stressed out about the actual business part of it. But then in season number six, I feel like I got excited again about creating the content with you specifically because you have been here through most of it and I can't think of anyone else I would have rather done this with.

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There are a lot of people that I have considered to put in that chair. Blue, Two of three of my children. Frankie B. I thought about asking to do a show with once. That would lose the magic too.

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If Blue was in here, we'd certainly lose the magic.

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Oh yeah, yeah. Frankie B. Oh no. Frankie B. is an interesting character. In this sense. We'll talk about this. I have like a soft spot in my heart for Frankie.

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He's a Chicago guy. He acts, talks and thinks like relatives of mine. I'm Irish and he's Italian. But I have some Italian relatives, like married into the family kind of Italian relatives. And he reminds me of some of those relatives in a way. Very machismo, very... Ja, sehr dick vorwärts. Dick vorwärts. Er ist sehr dick vorwärts. Er ist sehr dick vorwärts. Er ist sehr dick vorwärts.

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Er ist sehr dick vorwärts. Er ist sehr dick vorwärts. But I've always wondered, if we bring Frankie B on the show, like if I reach out to him formally and I say, Frankie, if you don't know already, we have been mercilessly making fun of you for five or six years. Would you please come on the show and enjoy some laughter with us? Are you able to do that?

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Do you have some self-awareness, some good humor? Part of me believes that he would. Part of me believes that he'd do anything just to get a few more views. Mm-hmm. Part of me believes that that would be the end of the game. Frankie would be like, cease and desist. I don't want you using any more of my videos. I don't want you making fun of my content. I don't want you to do anything.

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And so that has always been the rub. I get this question probably more often than I've gotten any singular question is, when are you going to have Frankie B on? When is Frankie B coming on the commercial break? And the answer is, if I have it my way and he continues to put out videos, maybe never. Because I think kind of ignorance is bliss in the sense that I know Frankie must know about us.

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But I get that. But there's a little part of me that thinks it's not a big deal in his head. If he does know about us, he doesn't understand how deep the well goes with the commercial break. And that if he did, he may revolt against it, against it. He may think that that's not a good thing in his mind and he may revolt against it. But listen. Oh Gott, ich weiß es nicht. Ich wirklich nicht.

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Just like pick a name out of a hat. It doesn't have to be. You don't have to go through like a whole, you know, if I could, if I would, if I should. Just like one person you can think of right now that you would love to have on the. Oprah. Okay. All right. That's an interesting one. Shoot. Yeah. Aim super high. Aim so high, it'll never ever happen.

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If I could think of one person that would never come on the commercial break, it would be Oprah. Gotta dream big. Yes. If I could have one person on the commercial break, David Letterman. I think David Letterman. Once again.

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Shout out to Lance. Hi, Lance. This is my boyfriend. Here we go. Ready? Special accolades for TCB's five years. Number one, Astrid. This was all your idea. She's in the studio with us now.

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Aim very, very, very high. I think it's so much more likely that Dave Letterman would come on the commercial break than Oprah. Aber wisst ihr, wir sprechen von David Letterman, hier ist, warum ich denke, dass es eine Chance gibt. Es gab einen Mann in Iowa, der ein lokales Fernsehen-Late-Night-Show gemacht hat, wie lokal auf der UHF 16. Aber er hat es für etwa 15 Jahre gemacht.

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Und es war wie Bob aus Iowa oder so etwas, ein Show, Late-Night-Show, kind of funny, kind of Improvish, kind of Midwestern, you know, certainly taped together, like, you know, bits and pieces all together, but he had a live audience. Maybe there was like 200, 300 people in every one of his audiences. He announces he's going to do his last show. Can't do it anymore, not going to happen, sorry.

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Either they cancel them or I don't want to do it anymore. And he gets the same question from one of his guests. If you could have anybody on the show as your last guest, who would it be? And he says, Dave Letterman. Because I always admired Dave Letterman. I love Dave Letterman. He's kind of the guy that I look to when I think about this show, Dave Letterman. And Dave Letterman got wind of it.

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And Dave Letterman showed up. Good for Dave. I mean, so let this be the plea through Twitch. Dave. In one hour we're going to record the commercial breaks last episode. If you could call in, you could please do that. We certainly would appreciate it. And I just want to say everybody that's in the Twitch feed right now, I just saw that Sid popped up and said hello. Hey Sid, Jeff, John.

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Hey Sid, Jeff, John. My mother-in-law, who commented, only six people in the room right now. That's very sad in Spanish though. And now I can hear my father.

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And now I can hear my father-in-law right now. You know what he's saying?

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Do you know what my father-in-law is saying? My father-in-law is saying the following. Hey Brian, can you take care of my daughter?

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This was all your idea. Thank you so much for kicking me in the pants, getting me off my ass and putting me on a microphone. Many, many tens of listeners later, hundreds of dollars in debt and... Vielen Dank. We have 890 hours of the show. Not many people have 890 hours of anything. So I will say that I do feel accomplished in that sense.

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Can you fix the broken wheel? Hi, Brian. Well, Daniel, once again with this stupid stunt, 12 episodes of the commercial break, I prove that I was in fact not the right one for your daughter. So there you go. What are you going to think about that? But you know what? We're married now. What are you going to do? Okay, so here's how it's going to go. Next, you're going to hear Tom Papa. Right?

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Tom Papa or Tig Notaro? Tom Papa. Next, you're going to hear Tom Papa. And then you're going to hear Tig Notaro. And both of those you have to catch. Because Tom Papa is great. Tig Notaro was beautiful on the show. One of my favorite guests. Tom Papa... Das ist der zweite Mal, dass er hier ist. Wir haben ihn wirklich genossen. Er war großartig. Aber Tig Notaro war fantastisch.

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Reggie Watts war fantastisch.

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Oh, ja. Hey, we don't know. Astrid's just yelling things at me.

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Reggie! Astrid, you're fired. You're doing a great job. Unfortunately, the producer job is already filled by the emptiness of that chair every time. We tried that before, it didn't work. So, take a listen to Tom Papa, take a listen to Tig Notaro. Chrissy and I are going to come back for one penultimate episode where we are going to do our favorite of all time.

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I think we can all agree, our favorite foil of all time, Frankie B. Then after Tig, we'll be back to wrap it up very shortly. Maybe we'll go live for a few more minutes. So, at TCB Podcast on Twitch. Download it. Make my mother-in-law proud of me about something, please. Ever since I left my real job, she's been super upset. Hi, Brian.

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Okay, thank you to 5-Hour Energy bringing you this entire day with limited commercial interruption and limited listeners apparently also. We have it on the table like you can see it. Oh, great live episode. Thank you very much. Maybe we'll do it again in a half an hour. Okay, stay tuned at the commercial break on Instagram. If we go live again, we will let you know.

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988. You can dial it. You can talk on the phone. You can text it. If you're in mental health crises... Vielen Dank. But in all seriousness, Mental Health Awareness Month, it's the last day of the month, 988. And if you don't need it now, keep it in your back pocket. You might need it sometime in the future. Everyone goes through it.

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YouTube.com slash thecommercialbreak for all of the episodes on video. All of the guest episodes are airing the same time they're on the audio feed. So you want to watch the guests, you can do that on YouTube.com slash thecommercialbreak. And then the regular episodes we will roll out as the week goes on. We need a little time to edit those.

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I'm already crazy as it is trying to get it all together. 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Texte uns Fragen, Kommentare, Sorgen, Inhalte, Ideen. Wir würden gerne mit dir sprechen. Und tcbpodcast.com. Hol dir deinen kostenlosen Sticker. Geh zu dem Kontakt uns-Button. Drücke auf das Menü. Ich will meinen kostenlosen Sticker. Gib uns deine Adresse. Und so geht es. Okay, Chrissy.

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Das ist alles, was ich für diese Stunde tun kann.

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But I guess anybody could fart on a microphone for 890 hours. Like it's your job. It is our job. Only we don't get paid. Most people get paid at their job. We don't get paid, but that's okay. So Astrid, I think, deserves high accolades, number one. Number two, Jeff, who has put up with all the comings and goings of the commercial break.

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So I think Jeff gets a special mention, an honorable mention to Jeff. Tina, let me say the third person is Alison Hare. Alison Hare is another person who kind of kicked this all into gear. So Alison. Alison, you're out there. You're listening. She got the juices flowing. Big thank you to Alison. Always supported the show. Tina has always supported the show.

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Marianne has supported the show since I can remember.

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Roxanne Reagan has supported the show. So those people deserve honorable mentions. And there's so many more that I am probably forgetting. Will the Champ. I don't know where Will is, but he was a big listener for a long time. And so, and Marianne, I think I said her name, but let me repeat it again. Marianne has also been Gustavo.

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Love my Gustavo. Love my Gustavo. Disappointed he's not here. And he knows why. Disappointed you're not here. But that's okay. We'll let him go. Alright, so here we are. Episode number seven. We're into season number five. Season number five, I think, was marked by a little bit of a turn. toward guests and worst content. So we used to be good at like breaking down videos and stuff like that.

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On this episode of the Commercial Break.

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And then we just decided we're just going to talk for a living. Like most podcasters, rather than relying on replaying old television shows, we said, hey, why don't we talk for a little while? And that's exactly what we did. Season five, almost very few actually video breakdowns and a whole lot of guests. I think we did, well, 52 weeks in the year. We maybe did 56 guests.

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In Season number five, we started bringing on celebrity guests. We made some friends along the way. Actually, let me refresh that. We met some people who pretended like they were our friends for 45 minutes to an hour and then never heard from them again. And then we made some true friends. like Des Bishop or Hannah Burnham, Reggie Watts or Tom Papa, who you're going to hear today.

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I can think of many others that we had a great time with. Kyle Kinane comes to mind. Margaret Cho comes to mind. But let me not sit here and name drop all day long. Let me ask you, Chrissy, what is your favorite moment or episode, your favorite from the commercial break? You can fill in the blanks. Do a little ad libs.

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Oh, Jeff was... How much commercial break does Jeff have to listen to?

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Oh, he's asking ChatGPT about the commercial break? Oh, he was? Yeah, since I'm feeding it all of our episodes and it's completely rebelling against me, I guess it's now filling itself with a bunch of commercial break bullshit.

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Waffle House. We have your shoe. Waffle House was an episode, let me recall, Waffle House was an episode where I... started making fun of the fact that if Waffle House did commercials, you know, like... Yeah, because they don't do commercials. They never do commercials, but yet they're one of the most popular restaurants out there, at least in the Southeast they are.

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And if they did a commercial, you know, there's always a tagline to it, like, you know, Wendy's, we do it right, or whatever, you have it your way, Burger King, we have it your way. That Waffle House could have taglines that went something along the line as Waffle House, we have your credit card. Or Waffle House, we see you throwing up in the bathroom. Waffle House, your dress is on backwards.

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Waffle House, you can't smoke in here. Waffle House, please don't play Linkin Park again.

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Time to wake up. Waffle House, yes, that police officer is waiting for you. Waffle House, still not sober. Waffle House, we got your order wrong but we don't care Yeah, there were a bunch of those. Hopefully, getting someone that knows what the fuck to play on that jukebox. Oh, that's key.

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That's key, because there's always some dipshit out there who decides he wants to play, you know, way down yonder in the chattahooch, you never knew how much that river meant to me. Six times in a row, because he can't. So, Waffle House, what's another one?

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COVID Christmas Castle.

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Brian, in the beginning of the pandemic in 2020, I took my children. Die drei oder vier, die ich damals hatte. Ich habe meine jungen Kinder für ihre erste, zweite und dritte Reise gesehen, um Santa Claus zu sehen. Der lokale Santa Claus hat einen großen Mall, den sie viel Geld bezahlen, weil er wirklich wie Santa Claus aussieht. Und er hat keine Aufmerksamkeit gegenüber der Pandemie, die da war.

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Auch wenn wir uns hier im Haus in einem Bunker geschlossen haben. Und wir waren literally auf dem Boden, wie alle anderen waren. Yes, but Brian, but we had to get that Christmas picture. We couldn't let one Christmas go by without Santa Claus. And so we went and we went, come on down to COVID Christmas Castle. The regular Santa Claus couldn't be here because he's got COVID. So we've got Tim.

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He was in the Vietnam War. He's got a corncob pipe for a nose and two tin pans for knees. His teeth are made out of chiclets, real chiclets. Look out for that leaky eye. Come on down to COVID Christmas Castle. We'll put them on our knees. I love COVID Christmas Castle. It's one of our favorites. Any additional?

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Oh, Carl.

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Carl Lentz, the preacher who went around running around with Justin Bieber for a while. Celebrities. And we reviewed one of his sermons where he was talking about soaking or something.

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He was talking about some bullshit having to do with relationships. And meanwhile, Carl was having sex with babysitters in the park and literally dropping stacks of cash off at their house so that they wouldn't talk. He was sending unrequited dick pics and then begging people not to send them out to the world. Well, Carl got caught. He's got a brand new podcast all about it.

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The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now.

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And I had a voice for Carl because he kind of talked like, you know, one of those... You know. He's too old to be talking like this, but he talks like this. You know the guy. You know the guy. Hey girl. Hey girl, what you doing? Hey, it's just me, Carl. I'm just texting. Looking for some tit pics. I gotta go to church in a few hours.

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I gotta walk with the Lord in like four or five hours, so just do me a favor. I can't preach on a full dick. Can I come over? Can I stop by, girl? Das ist Karl. Ich liebe Karl. Ja, das ist Karl. Okay, gib mir einen nicht so Lieblingsmoment von der Kommerzialpause.

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Oh ja, ich weiß nicht, ob wir darüber sprechen wollen. Ich weiß. Twitch könnte Regeln haben, dass wir darüber sprechen. We did for a while, one of the things that we didn't review, because I got into it and then we kind of got out of it, was my strange addiction, which, you know, I think is pretty fatty to, not fatty, but fatty to review those videos online and talk about them.

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Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joey Hoesley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Episode number seven, just a walk in the park. Episode number seven of TCB's Endless Day, sponsored by 5-Hour Energy.

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Wow.

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Ja, genau.

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Now listen to this. Hold on. Yes, but while that girl was having sex with Knock 3000, the roller coaster, whatever it was, this ride that span around, you know, one of those carnival rides that spins around. All of a sudden the cameraman notices, turns the camera, and the girl who had married the Eiffel Tower was literally mounting the fence, humping it. She was humping it, licking it, kissing it.

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And all of a sudden she broke up with the Eiffel Tower. Love is fleeting. It is. Hey, listen. Love, she is a fickle bitch. Aber diese Episoden von My Strange Addiction, es gab einen speziellen, den ich lustig fand, als ich es veröffentlicht habe, aber ich habe es nicht, aber als wir damit begonnen haben, mussten wir es aufhören.

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Ich glaube, wir haben das Episode gemacht, aber ich glaube nicht, dass wir es jemals gedreht haben. Wir haben es nicht gedreht. And it was a guy who liked to dress up like a baby. But when you got a little further into the episode, what I initially thought was funny was clearly taking on a different, strange connotation. And I just thought to myself, this is not cool. This is just weird.

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I can think of many episodes that, there are many episodes that we have not aired. There's probably 30 or 40 episodes that we have never aired. Most of them bad. And you know, if I decided not to air it because it was bad, it was really bad. That's true. Because of the 776 episodes that we have put out, 767, whatever it is. 765 und eine halbe von ihnen sind am besten mediocre.

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Das ist unser Lieblingsspot. Das ist unser Lieblingsspot. Wir füllen eine Nische in der Comedy-Welt, wo es nicht wirklich lustig ist, aber wir lachen.

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Das ist uns. Weißt du, wie du zu deinem Großvater oder deinem Onkels Haus gingst und sie hatten eine blaue und weiße TV in der Küche und du konntest es nicht hören, du konntest es nicht sehen. Because it was just an old portable TV. We're like whatever was on that portable TV. No one's really listening or watching, but it's on anyway. It's there. There it is.

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So we had so many of these episodes that we haven't aired. But there is one in particular that I can think of. I'm not going to just roll with me here. I promise I'm going to save you. Chrissy ging durch einen Zeitraum, aber es war ein schwieriger Zeitraum für Chrissy. Und sie hat es hier auf dem Show gesprochen. Und sie ist nach einigen Monaten in und aus dem Studio zurückgekehrt.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Die Singularität des Momentes, wenn es eine echte Kommunikation oder Rekognition von dem, was ich tue, oder was ich sage, ist der Deliverer ist der Moment. Das Ding ist der Moment. Und dann ist das der Erfolg. Das war das, was ich die ganze Zeit gesucht habe.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Yeah, I think that success makes it easier because money makes things easier, right? And when you don't have those pressures, I mean, there are problems that come with money too. But when you have a certain amount of success or ease, or you can pick up the phone and you can play this room or that room or wherever, there's got to be a certain amount of ease that comes along with that.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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And so that gives space to allow you to have some perspective. Yeah. Anders als der Reiseanwalt, der auf der Maschine sitzt und fragt, wann der nächste Preis bezahlt werden wird. Das ist ein bestimmter Stress, der sich alles umfasst. Und ich denke, es ist schwer, Perspektive in dieser Weise zu haben.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Und das ist, warum ich denke, dass viele Leute, insbesondere in der heutigen Zeit und Alter, es ist, sie verlieren ihren Scheiß ein bisschen, weil sie unter dieser Druck sind. Und diese Art von Druck, es ist wie... Ich habe es noch nicht.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Stupid people say no.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

1138.771

Yeah. But we do have to say one thing. I think we can all be in agreement on this. It is one badass airplane. I haven't seen the inside or anything. I just saw the outside. Oh, Tom, you've never seen anything like it. I saw some pictures of it this morning. Oh, you've never seen anything like it.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

1154.846

It's dripping in opulence. It's like the kind of plane you could only dream of.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

1183.685

Yeah. Manche Leute werden das immer aufhören. Das ist, weil das Ego nie weggeht. Das Ego schließt sich nie ab, richtig? Und wenn das Ego nicht schließt... Ich hatte einen Freund, der sagte etwas wie, jetzt gehen wir wirklich in die Wälder, aber ich hatte einen Freund, der mal etwas zu mir gesagt hat, das mich immer mitgebracht hat.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Sei vorsichtig, wenn du das Ego aus der vorderen Tür drückst, es kommt nicht in die Rückseite, richtig? Und so sind einige Leute einfach auf dieser wachsenden Tür und das ist einfach ein Persönlichkeitstyp und das ist eine ganz andere Konversation. It can get you a lot of cash.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

1232.712

It's never enough. It's always the next thing. And there's this kind of aggravated dominance that has to come with that, where everybody else has to get out of the way or be stepped on. And that's the part that kills me, is that should we be focusing more on, Genau. The three of us and I'll add one more into there. And this is a very interesting connection that I made about you, Tom.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

1282.334

Is Rob Zombie your friend? Yes. How in the world? How do we not know this? Why are you surprised? I don't know. He's a creative. I like Rob Zombie. I like him a lot. How did you guys connect?

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Like a beach?

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

1364.636

Er ist wundervoll und ich habe ihn einige Male gehört. Es gab einen Zeitpunkt, in dem er und Stern viel darüber gesprochen haben. Rob war auf Stern und ich liebte seine Musik. Ich war ein Kind dieser Zeit. Es war ein wundervoller, einfach ein anderer Sound, der so cool und schwer war. Und ich habe es einfach geliebt. Und ich fand es sehr faszinierend. Kommunizieren ihr euch noch?

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

1416.887

I think Tom Papa is cool. I think I've always felt Tom Papa is cool. Do you miss the Comedy Central days? When there was like a place, a repository? Yeah, I mean, it was...

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

147.435

It was a band, a band that played the music and a few other guys showed up.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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I think they've done well.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

1509.374

Ja, ich denke, dass Social Media die... Ich meine, es gibt super-niche Fernsehen da draußen. Du kannst, ich meine, um Gottes willen, du kannst auf Pluto TV gehen und sehen, du weißt, Beverly Hills 90210, von Saison zu Saison, Tag zu Tag, du weißt, sie haben einen Kanal, der sich dazu beteiligt. Also es gibt super-niche Fernsehen da draußen mit OTT, aber es war einfach anders.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

1532.029

Ich erinnere mich, als Comedy Central, ich erinnere mich an die erste Zeit, dass ich denke, ich erinnere mich jemals, Being super connected to stand-up comedy, like finding it to be something I got obsessed with.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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But my dad, when he first got cable, when Comedy Central came on, Comedy Central would run a joke from one comic, like a video, almost like an MTV video. They would just play it 24 hours a day. These comics would just come on. I got obsessed with watching it over and over again.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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You seem to have found your voice, your rhythm on social media. Do you enjoy that part? I mean, but I think you have a really... Well, first of all, the podcast is great. I think everybody can agree the podcast is freaking fantastic.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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But then you love breaking bread. I mean, I'm making bread. Breaking and making.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Du magst Brot zu machen und es ist fast so, dass du es in einer spirituellen Art sprichst. Ich liebe das. Ich finde das interessant. Aber du hast diese kleine Persönlichkeit, diese große Persönlichkeit, eigentlich auf Social Media. Verlustest du das? Yeah, I do. It's something that checks the box for you.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Okay, what's her name?

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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We had the same conversation. We called professionals. At some point in your career, everybody will realize this as an entrepreneur, and you are one, and we are one as content creators. You realize that you have to call in the professionals. Yes. Ja. You're literally taking the clips of your show, cutting them up and putting them on the social media. No one gives a shit. They listen to your show.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Your listeners don't care about your show because they already heard your show. Why do they care about a clip? You have to work at it. And you have to do it. You have to put some effort and time into it. To which Chrissy and I say, we're out.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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I'm not Tom Papa. I can't just work on the weekends. What do you think I am here?

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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We're going to turn the corner after this conversation with Tom, because what he's saying does make sense. This is the moment.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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This is our time. By the time we do the 24 hours of TCB on our 10th anniversary.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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From the villages in Florida, we're going to be at the retirement village soon.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

1918.41

Ja, ich denke, wir müssen ein bisschen Kreativität einmischen. Hier ist das Ding. The person said to us, listen, this is a conversation with a potential audience. And he said the exact same thing you did. It doesn't really matter what you do. As long as it is interesting and it catches attention and you like it, somebody else out there is going to connect with it.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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He said the challenge is, you're not going outside of your own box to do anything additionally creative. Listen, this is a whole conversation about social media and whatever. Who fucking cares? We've always been bad at it.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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So for the first three years, three and a half years, I think Chrissy and I were even afraid to say that we did a podcast outside of this studio, let alone get on social media and ask people to listen to it or do something we felt was insincere to the brand. And the brand is Chrissy and I just having a conversation. And so I agree with you. There is an ick factor.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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I see it so much on social media. I don't want to be a part of it. But at the same time, I think now we're a little longer in the tooth creatively. We can find a way to organically do this. Yeah.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Die eine Sache, die deine Tourmanagerin wirklich gut macht, und diese Videos, die sie macht, wenn du auf der Straße bist, und folge Tom, weil sie einen wirklich guten Job macht, ist, dass du diese wirklich interessanten Videos mit deinen Öffnungen machst und du bist hier und du bist da und was auch immer du machst.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Es ist eine interessante Minute und eine halbe oder Minute oder was auch immer es ist. Es macht dich wollen, es zu sehen. Es ist nicht unauthentisch zu Tom, aber es sagt, ich werde hier sein. Also, wenn du willst, weißt du, hey, ich bin hier, komm runter. Und ich denke, sie ist wie das Gleichgewicht zwischen den Menschen zu sagen, in einer nicht sehr brassen Weise, ich bin hier.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Tickets available. And here's some interesting things about this town. You're eating a burger, you're at the St. Louis Arch, you're wherever you are.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Du wärst besser davon, es nicht zu machen. Ich kann mich an drei Comics erinnern, die du gerade gesehen hast, die ich gerade diese Woche auf meinem Instagram gesehen habe. Sie sagten, Ticketmaster hat mir das gemacht. Du musst das machen. Ich bin sorry. Ich weiß, dass du wahrscheinlich keinen Lieblings-Name nennen willst. Du könntest es wahrscheinlich nicht nennen.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Aber wer ist einer deiner Lieblingsgäste, die du auf dem Podcast hattest und warum? Oh Mann. So I can go listen to it when I'm running later on.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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You know, this is so reminiscent. My wife is Venezuelan and she gets over here and Phish is playing here locally. Now, I've never been the biggest Phish fan, but I get it. In my teenage years, Phish would be what Grateful Dead was to you. Everybody toured around and had magical moments. There's just something that can be very spiritual about music.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Ich denke, Craig Ferguson ist einer der unterwertetsten Late-Night-Talkshow-Hosts aller Zeiten. Ich dachte, sein Show war absolut brillant. Für mich war es mehr CTV. Ja. Ja. Es ist wundervoll. Ich kann es dir sagen, er war auf der Form, als er da war.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Ich glaube, es war zu boxig, um ihn zu halten, richtig? Er war einfach so schnellwitzig. Und die Art, wie er mit dieser Kamera gesprochen hat, unscriptet, war für mich ein Witz von, ich weiß nicht, Genius. Jedes Mal, als er da rauskam, war es ein anderer Monolog, unscriptet, komplett, naja, vielleicht nicht komplett improv, aber meistens improv.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Yeah. Well, when you're as good at it as Letterman or Kimmel, I mean, maybe it's not a life sentence, but it sure does seem like the thing you were born to do. Yeah.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Yeah, you're getting paid 10 million dollars a year.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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No, I can't. Well, here's why I asked you who your favorite guest was. I can't imagine, actually, because I know that's what I'm going to be doing. At some point I'm going to be going, holy shit, 16,000 episodes of the commercial break and I still don't have a 401k. Chrissy, come in tomorrow at 11. We're doing it from the jet. We're doing it from the jet.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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We're doing it from Leonard Skinner's old airplane. Yeah, that's what we'll have. That's what we'll have. Here's why I asked you who your favorite guest was and why. Because we've done this, I think we've had 89 guests or something along those lines. And we talk about this, every once in a blue moon the conversation pops up. And you are consistently... Our favorite guest.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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One of our favorite guests. You're on the list every single time.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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And Reggie Watts. You and Reggie. That's good company. Yeah. And here's the reason why. It's because you're authentic, you're easy to talk to, and you sure as shit are interesting. Both times we've spoken to you, you're just interesting. You just have a lot, you just have a great perspective on life. And I think that that's why you connect with people. It has nothing to do with my hair.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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I mean, yeah. Listen, when you get paid 22 million dollars a year, you can do what you want to. It's like that Belichick. He wore the... He wore the Flashdance sweater on that interview. Did you see he had the rip in the sweater? Did you see that from Flashdance? Hilarious. When his girlfriend was saying, we're not going to talk about that. Oh, during that one.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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In community. And I don't think you need to be a jam band fan to understand that kind of influence that music can have on you. So I'm hyping this up. It can be magical, it can be mysterious, it can be wonderful. And we get to the show and three songs in, my wife sits and she goes, what is that terrible smell and all this smoke? And I said, well, that's weed.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Bill Belichick is a hot fucking mess that no 22-year-old girl probably willingly wants to be with. But I cast no dispersions, whatever. Love is love and you can't choose who you fall in love with or their pocketbook. Yeah, come on. Belichick's a mess, but when you have all that money and all those rings, what does it really matter? He's having fun. He's having a good time.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Sie will ihn da draußen sein.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Was war das alles? Nicht J. Shetty, aber der andere Typ. Ich weiß, wer du sprichst. Er ist gut. Ich mag diesen Typ. Er ist gut.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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He's got a very interesting way about him and I've grown to like it. Yeah, he's fine.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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You know, I got a really bitter taste in my mouth as a huge fan of Letterman and Conan and Carson. I got a bitter taste in my mouth about Leno for a long time. And he just wasn't my favorite late night guy. But the more that I hear him talk, the more I see that there might be a good guy under all... You know, he's just like a... Yeah, I think so.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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And when you think about him staying with his wife, that's like the ultimate till death do us part.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Ja, das ist interessant. Ja, auch in Jays Verteidigung und meiner Unwissenheit, weißt du, die PR-Mitglieder arbeiteten über die Zeit auf dem einen, richtig?

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Er wurde nicht raus. Ja, genau. All the links in the show notes. All right, guys. Thank you so much.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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And she's like, well, it's making me not feel well. Can we leave? And I said, Ja, okay, wir gehen.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Oh, John-Papa.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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He's everyone's Papa. He feels like that. He's got that uncle vibe. You know what I'm saying? He totally does. He could be anyone's uncle and you'd be happy to have him as your uncle.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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And after I saw him live and knowing just how funny and animated he could be, I would spend all the time with Tom Papa. Tom, bring me on your show. Bring us both on your show.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Let's break bread together. Why won't that happen? That's a conversation for a different day. Anyway. Nummer 6. I want to thank them personally, because they also ran some promotions for us with the TCB's Endless Day. And so, thank you. I'm not sure that they themselves made that decision, but the producers or whoever's over there who agreed to it, thank you very much.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

2798.191

Fly on the Wall, great podcast from our network partner at Odyssey. Also, Breaking Bread with Tom Papa. More importantly, go check both of those podcasts out. They're both funny and great. Much better than this one. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3TCB. Call now. Check out our Instagram. Gonna go live. Will you be a part of it? I don't know. You gotta go to Instagram and check it out. Alright.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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tcppodcast.com, all that good stuff. And 5-Hour Energy, bringing you the endless day with limited commercial interruptions. Woo! Alright. We're doing it. Let's go take a nap, and then we'll be back. I love you. I love you. Best to you. And best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until the top of the hour, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye!

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

295.463

I forgot about that one. Go to jail for life. I think the imagery is great, though, that goes along with your tour. I think it fits the vibe, and I think it's really cool. Are people responding well to that? Are you getting kind of the same...

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

358.444

I came for the bread. You didn't talk about the bread. Not one fucking recipe, Tom. Not one fucking recipe. What did you think was going to happen? It's still a comedy show. Yeah, I know. Do you...

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

372.056

still in i mean i think we talked about this last time you were here but i noticed something about this tour is that your dates are spaced out they're like you know some of the comics come on and and we look at their tour schedule and it's like holy they're playing like 7 pm 9 pm 12 p you know they're doing three shows a night sometimes or they're at least doing four shows five shows a week yours are more spaced out is that the

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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That's the way I would do it, too, Chrissy. And then we're doing 12 hours of TCB.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Ich glaube, wenn... Ich meine, hör mal, es gibt eine gewisse Menge Bravour, die mit Stand-up-Comedy zusammenhängt. Und ich glaube nicht, dass ich... I just don't think I have the constitution.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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I don't. I'll be the first to admit. I know where my strengths are. It's sitting in this chair, hiding behind the microphone, not reading the comment section. That's where my strengths lie. Never looking someone in the eye. Yes, that's correct. I want to make sure my children understand that chicken shit is the way to roll your life.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

520.5

But one of the things I do in brief moments of insanity where I'm going, yeah, I should go out and we should do this, is the travel. I would never want to be away from my family like that for two reasons. Number one, I think I'd be real sad. And number two, I fear I might get used to it. It might become something that I just get used to. And I don't want that.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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She thinks she's going to come. She's mulling it over.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Ja. Ja. I would imagine, if I put myself in Tom Papas' shoes, but you... I shouldn't put myself in Tom Papas' shoes. But if I put myself in Tom Papas' shoes... He's like, go ahead. He's like, go ahead, feel free. It's that moment, you know, that, what do they call that, the... The five-yard walk or the 15-yard walk.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Eddie Brill had this saying, he would say the 15-foot walk, you know, out to stage. That's the moment, that's the light, that's the, there's the magic, there's the energy when you get out there and you're bouncing back and forth and people are responding to moments of creativity that you've done whole cloth. That's the magic. That probably, I would imagine, is what pulls you to the next city.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Is this catharsis for you? Yeah, for sure. Is it catharsis?

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Es ist die Kirche, es ist die Gemeinschaft. Ich kann das sehen, dass wenn du... Du bist beobachtbar, also du machst eine Beobachtung oder eine Frustration oder etwas, das durch deinen Kopf läuft, das irritierend oder wunderschön ist, oder was auch immer es ist. Und dann sagst du es laut und es gibt eine Punchline und Lachen öffnet Menschen diese bestimmte Art von Energie.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Und dann fühlst du das Feedback. Wie du gesagt hast, fühlst du dich ein bisschen weniger allein. Du sagst, oh, Scheiße, ich bin nicht verrückt.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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You are on this tour right now and Chrissy and I have been talking about this long before we even knew you were coming on the show. When you announced the tour, the imagery that you're using for the tour right now, the kind of Grateful Dead-ish type of imagery. You a Dead fan? Yeah, yeah.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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It's like I think that all these little phrases, catchphrases that I would hear from adults in my life when I was younger, especially my father, and then holy shit, he was so fucking right. And that pisses me off. That's another reason to go to therapy, is that my dad was fucking right about everything. And now I'm my dad, and now I'm pissed off like he was, that everything...

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Es ist ein interessantes Konzept, dass, wenn man jünger ist, es sich um das Ego dreht. Es gibt eine Idee von Erfolg. Es gibt eine Idee des Meeres, der gestiegen ist. Und wann kommst du da hin? Du kommst da hin. Du kommst da hin. Aber es ist schwer zu sehen, dass es nirgendwo anderes zu gehen gibt. Du fühlst dich, als würdest du aufsteigen.

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TCB's Endless Day #8: Tom Papa

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Aber dann mit etwas Perspektive und, ich glaube, ein bisschen Erfolg, macht es es einfacher, Perspektive zu haben. Aber mit etwas Erfolg beginnst du zu sagen, naja, das ist leer. Das war es nicht. Der Billboard war es nicht. Die Album-Sales, die Radio-Station, das Spiel, du weißt, die Öffnung für das Zeichen, was auch immer es ist, richtig? Und dann, was es wirklich ist, ist dieser Moment,

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TCB's Endless Day #7

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Wild Bill, this is on the screen. You know those documentaries where they have to write something on a black screen with white lettering to let you know it's serious and something has happened? Wild Bill believes the noise he just heard is coming from a nearby farm where the team is stationed. Stationed. Like the fourth entry to group. Son of a bitch!

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TCB's Endless Day #7

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Yeah, well, hey, listen. Sometimes you can't afford to go a size up. You know what I'm saying, Chrissy? You know how it is. You put on those tight clothing and it just gives you more motivation to lose that extra couple of pounds. Only it never happens.

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TCB's Endless Day #7

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Wir waren da mit Rachel Bloom. Es war lustig, aber beruhigend.

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TCB's Endless Day #7

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I think it's just raining. And cows huddle together for warmth. But good try, guys. Listen, Dad. Son of a...

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TCB's Endless Day #7

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Und danke dir sehr für das. Du bist willkommen. Wir haben auch das gleiche über die Episode gedacht. Rachel war großartig. Und ich wusste nicht, außer Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, ich wusste nicht viel über Rachel. Aber ich habe unsere Gespräche wirklich genossen. Michael Ian Black ist so lustig, wie sie kommen. Er hat unsere Nummer gewählt. He called me out. He said, will you let Chrissy talk?

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TCB's Endless Day #7

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Oh, the thermals are coming out. You know it is. They're yelling, it's getting dark. Here come the thermals.

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TCB's Endless Day #7

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Easy does it, brother.

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TCB's Endless Day #7

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Hey, hey, hey.

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TCB's Endless Day #7

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Where's Huck?

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TCB's Endless Day #7

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Ich weiß nicht, wo ist Buck?

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TCB's Endless Day #7

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It's a musket. It's gonna have to reload. A musket. It's one of those dueling pistols where they have to reload.

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TCB's Endless Day #7

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Where did they get these guns? From the cash and pawn down the street? These guns are terrible. I don't know much about guns, but I know when I see an old one that has not been taken care of. We can't lay eyes on this damn big... I don't think those guys are sneaking anywhere. No, there's nothing sneaking. You can hear them coming a mile away.

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TCB's Endless Day #7

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First of all, the one's been clatterwallering or whatever. He's been making turkey noises for an hour. The other one's been rumbling. Three of them have been yelling and screaming into the camera. They're not sneaking up on anything. It's a dead tree. It's been dead for a long time. You know how you can tell? There's like literally mud that's rolled up on the side of it.

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TCB's Endless Day #7

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It's not fresh in any way, shape or form. For some reason, these dingbats think that Bigfoot tore it down and is hiding under it. Can you go up high? Yeah, I'll go around. This honestly reminds me of being a kid running through the woods and making stuff up as we went along. This tree is the least intimidating thing I've seen all day long. I've been in the studio.

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TCB's Endless Day #7

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I said, no. He said, well, that's kind of weird. I said, well, that's the way it works. That was fun. And we also talked some politics. And some people have written in and said thanks for calling out some of the bullshit. Some of the bullshit has to be called out. Just the way that it is.

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TCB's Endless Day #7

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J'all told me there was gonna be big feet and big foot and paw-paw-pawpers. And all I've gotten so far is this old, crusty, rusty 9mm that don't work and a pair of work gloves from Home Depot. When the fuck are we gonna find something? All right, more mountain monsters coming up.

The Commercial Break

TCB's Endless Day #7

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Stay tuned as TCB's Endless Day, sponsored by 5-Hour Energy, brought to you with limited commercial interruption by 5-Hour Energy, rolls on 998. If you're in mental health crisis or anybody you know is, you can pass that phone number along, text or call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365. They never close, Spanish or English.

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TCB's Endless Day #7

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There are professionals on standby to help you out of a tough situation, emotionally or mentally, All right, all right, all right, cats and kittens.

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We don't like to talk politics, but when it becomes way too obvious, sometimes you just got to say what needs to be said. And that's all we're going to say about politics. So there you go. All right, but Chrissy, let us not delay in letting everybody who has shoutouts to our super fans. On Instagram, Shortstack and Superfly, I think they're also known as Jesse and Julia.

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All right, and this endless day endlessly rolls on. We're doing Mountain Monsters, a big part of the show's, I think, lore. Not their lore, our lore. TCB's lore has been the Mountain Monsters. Actually, it is the content we have reviewed most. Only... Das war Franky B. from the show notes that refer to Mountain Monsters being in the episode 31 out of 700. And now we're on 70. They're a classic.

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67 or something. They're a classic. And then Frankie B was 29. So and then Teresa was like 23. And something related to dating shows was 21. So there you go. That's the order of content. Brian is wrong or blue in the episode. 762. All of them.

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Will it ever end? Alright, now, back to Mountain Monsters. They're on the hunt. They think they found Bigfoot. What in the hell was that?

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Easy does it now, easy. Easy does it. Go easy. Go easy into your certain death. Go easy. If I'm chasing Bigfoot, the last thing I'm doing is going easy. I'm going as hard as possible, actually. That's gonna be my dictate. Go hard! Go real hard!

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He's a Bigfoot. He can't be that hard to find.

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No, that is a BB gun. That's a pellet gun. My dad has a pellet gun that looks more impressive or intimidating than that. I got you covered.

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I got you covered with my BB gun and your BB gun. Together we should wear goggles so as not to shoot our eyes out.

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Meanwhile, one of these guys is wearing like a snowflake knitted hat with the two snowballs that hang down, but they're tied up.

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I can smell that from here. I can, I swear to God. Oh, man. I mean, I don't mean to be judgmental about the way they look. I've got family members that look like these guys. But at the end of the day, I can smell them through the screen.

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Oh yeah, that cap. I've been to some parties in the woods where you can smell somebody coming. And after day number four, you can smell me coming. You can smell everybody coming. Even when you shower, it still doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. We got a big a** cable laying right here. Bigfoot's laying cable. Bigfoot's laying logs and laying cable. Bigfoot's laying cable.

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There's Chris Keller, there's Geoff. I think I'm saying that.

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Damn, that son of a bitch has been there for a while. Damn! He's been playing with the cables. Cables. No, that's not been sitting there for a while. It's fresh wood. I mean, it's just so ridiculous. I went to one Boy Scout meeting in my entire life and I got scared and ran off because they said the word camping and I was like, not with these guys.

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Even at my young tender age, I knew enough to know that I shouldn't be left alone in the woods with these guys. And I don't know the first thing about camping, woods. I would eat mushrooms probably the first day and die. I went on the Appalachian Trail one time. I went three days up and I came back.

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Yeah. I went on the Appalachian Trail to make it a month. I was going to go from here to wherever, Charlotte or wherever. Not Charlotte, but wherever it was up in the Appalachias. I was going to make it a month with these two girls, of course.

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Well, he says he's giving us a little love. So hello, Chris. I think it said either Geoff or Jeff. I've known people who spelled it that way in my life. And one was Geoff and one was Jeff. So there you go. Julia. Shonda. You know Shonda. Jessica. Amanda. Todd. Layla. Olivia. You know Olivia. Jeff Bransford. Cindy. Susan. Tamara. Bis zum nächsten Mal.

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I made it three days and one of them had to walk me back. And then she went by herself to go meet up with her friend. But I know enough to know that this is not old cable. It's brand new. They just tied it around this damn tree. They've been trying to pull the logs out of the ground. There it was. Big's foot wangle.

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He'd been doing some weird auto-erotic penis asphyxiation with steel cable and trees.

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Look at this trail. The cow-killing bastard. The cow-killing bastard. Oh, wow. Okay. Dude, look. Oh my gosh, look. Watch your step.

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It was the dead cow. The dead cow. That's right. Okay, we're skipping to episode number two. This is a season six recap. I'm sorry, I'm not playing the full episode, but I don't care. Who cares? It's mountain monsters. Let's go with it. This is cow-killing bastard. This is Hawk. Entschuldigung, Buck.

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Das ist Buck. Und Buck hat einen toten Kau in der Fläche gefunden. Oder die Inneren eines Kaus in der Fläche. Das ist Teil des Kaus. Ich bin hier. Das ist Teil des Kaus. Das Teil, das du nicht isst. Oder es sind wirklich faszinierende Spezialeffekte auf Teil des Travel Channels. Auf East Point Farm, right in the heart of the Tiger Valley.

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Okay.

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I'm out here alone talking to a camera with a lighting guy and another lighting guy and a microphone guy. Oh, listen, listen. We gotta move.

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We gotta get shelter now. Come on. We gotta get shelter. It's raining. We gotta get an umbrella. We gotta go. Come on. We gotta move. We gotta move. Let's go to the scariest outhouse we can find. Since there is a murderous 17-foot-tall mountain monster after us, let us go to a crumbling shack where certain death shall happen. Billy, get in there.

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I wouldn't go into a shed. If you're being chased by something, you go into the shed, it comes in with you, you're dead.

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You're out in the open field, at least, you know, maybe you have a chance of outrunning it. Not to mention, you're dragging around a camera crew with a bunch of lighting equipment. I mean, it's the least, I guess, the least secretive retreat in all of cryptid history.

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So right now... Well, not right now, because I'm talking to you, the camera. But before I was held up in this thing. And then I realized, I am in the walk-in cooler at the local Taco Bell. I have locked myself.

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I don't have a weapon. I'm at the local Taco Bell. Let me tell you something, Chrissy. It is no Fiesta Taco in here. There is no Diablo Pizza El Grande here.

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My only option is to stay here and try to wait this thing out. I look around to assess what is going on and I see a Swiffer. I will dust while I'm here. There's a Swiffer in there. Why is there a Swiffer in an old cabin in the woods?

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There we go. Now finally we can be safe because we're going to see the heat signature of the thing about to kill us. Wir werden die Heizsignatur unseres Todes sehen.

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Wir müssen bewegen. Wir müssen bewegen. Wir müssen bewegen. Wir müssen bewegen. Wir müssen bewegen.

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What if something like crazy just broke through the wall? It was like, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. It's a strippagram from a female Bigfoot. A cryptogram. A cryptogram. Oh crap. Where's the kitten?

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Ich wundere, ob das unerwartet passiert ist. Oder ob sie... Ich habe eine Idee. Für dieses Episode, lassen wir uns einen randomen Kitten in Gefahr stellen.

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Es ist der Katze oder ich. Der Katze bleibt im Walk-In-Kühler. Die Tür ist geschlossen. Die Tür ist geschlossen. Stay here. Stay here. I'll take this kitty and feed it to the monster. And that should satisfy... It's like a little appetizer. You want a cat-a-tizer? Cat-a-tizer. It's okay, it's okay. Instead of a cat nap, I'm getting a cat app, Chrissy. I'll be here for the next three hours.

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If something happens, you go that way.

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If something happens, you go first. What a brave man. Oh, the good old thermals.

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Yeah, you've now locked yourself into some shitty old rackety-tack fucking shack in the woods. Well, there's a beast outside foaming at the mouth and you've got a kitty that's meowing every second, alerting the creature to dinner.

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I don't want to delay on this one, because I really want to get as much of this in as we can. Season 3 and Season 4, we kind of combined together. Love, Connection, Dating shows, a lot of videos on Season 3 and Season 4. But one of the things that really took root in late Season 3 into Season 4 was our love affair with four rednecks from east-west Kentucky...

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Hold this.

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Fuck. To be fair though, here he looks much skinnier than he has in other appearances. But he just threw the cat to the camera guy.

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It's taking us a whole lot of time to do this. We've been in here for 10 minutes and he hasn't come in yet. Even when the door was open. You know what I'm saying? The door was open for the first 5 minutes he was in there and no creature came in. He's in a shack in the woods. He found that there was an addict and now he's put some rickety old ladder over there.

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Now you stay down there. I'm gonna record you getting eaten.

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This ain't good. I've got the kitty upstairs and I'm in for certain death. Only I actually made it because now I'm doing a cutaway outside of the shack.

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Oh, es ist unter uns.

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Es ist ich, Rikki-Tikki-Takki. Von deinen Träumen. Ich bin der Geist von Buckwald-Präsenz. Gib mir den Kitzel. Hör auf, hör auf, hör auf. Wo ist der Katze? Ich weiß es nicht. Er hat mich aufgehört. Ja, weil du auf dem Boden stehst, Buck. Tut mir leid, aber du bist ein großer Junge. Es ist unter uns. Es ist unter uns. Es ist unter uns. Es ist unter uns. Es ist unter uns.

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For big boys, big old redneck boys, who do nothing but yell, scream, shout and look in different directions as their cameraman, Billy, tries his best to capture one single shot of a cryptid. A cryptid is something like... A cryptid? A cryptid. Something like Bigfoot, or Loch Ness Monster, or a Paw Paw Popper, or a Red Claw Barren Wolf, or a...

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Oh, here they come. Oh, he's got that damn flare. And the reconnaissance mission is back. And they're gonna come save Buck right in the nick of time. It's amazeballs. Uh-huh. Was für ein tolles Team. Anyway, episode number seven in the can now? Yep, episode number seven in the can. You're almost there. We're working our way through. Okay, here we go. Alright.

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2-1-2, 4-3-3, 3-T-C-B, 2-1-2, 4-3-3, 3-T-C-B. Call us, text us, let us know you're listening. We'd love to hear from you. We're going to be here probably until 7, 8 o'clock East Coast time. And so I think this is coming out at 5 o'clock East Coast time. Also, it's possible that we might be live on Twitch right now. So check us out.

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Or you missed us. Or we never went on. One of the three. TCB Podcast on Twitch. You can probably watch it. I think the videos go up there and then you can watch it. No muss, no fuss. Did I already say 212? Yes, I did. 212-433-3TCB. Now we're getting into it, kids. YouTube.com slash thecommercialbreak for all of the guest episodes. They're already up there.

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You can go and watch them now as they roll out. And then the regular episodes, this episode and the others we are doing, 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11, those will come out this week. So just stay tuned. Subscribe, smash the notification bell, as Frankie would say. And yeah, and thank you everyone who's been calling in and writing in. We love you, we love you, we love you.

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Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for this episode. I think so. I do love you.

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I'll say best to you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe for this episode of TCB's Endless Day, sponsored by 5-Hour Energy. Until next time, we will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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Yeah, any of the made up names that urban legend puts together because somebody thought they saw something in the woods and it didn't look or it did look human, oid or whatever. You know, we all know the Bigfoot mythology, but it spreads to a million different kinds of animals, creatures, monsters, ghosts, and it falls under the name cryptid.

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There are many shows out there that revolve around chasing or trying to find cryptids or ghosts or paranormal things.

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But there is one king of the hill. One single team that sits high on the mountain in our hearts and in our heads. And that is, of course, Huck, Chuck, Fuck, Other Chuck, Other Huck, and Huckleberry No. 7. The Boys from the Mountain Monsters. Man, do we get love on these episodes every single time we do it.

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There's been so much love that I believe in my heart, because I like to think the world revolves around this little head. I believe that there was a whole podcast started about Mountain Monster Breakdown videos.

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Because we started to do it. Came out after us. It came out after we started doing Mountain Monsters. So I could only believe that these guys said, we can do that and probably much better. And they do do it much better, to be fair to them. But we're the OGs. We loved them first. It was our first rodeo. The mountain monsters, the boys. Chrissy, how do we describe our love for them?

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Ich liebe es. Das ist ein guter Satz. Das ist ein guter Satz. Aber ich habe einen ganzen Online-Episode von den Mountain Monsters gefunden. Und ich habe einfach... Hier ist das Ding. Letzte Nacht, oder zwei Nachts zuvor, habe ich angefangen zu denken, okay, ich kann dieses Content zusammen machen. Ich habe diese Ideen. Lass mich diese Videos drehen.

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Und ich habe angefangen, es zu sehen, nur um sicherzustellen, dass es das ist, was wir brauchten. Und 36 Minuten später war ich immer noch bei den Mountain Monsters. Das ist das lustigste in der Welt für mich. Diese Jungs, sie sind Schauspieler.

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They're improv comedians. They're improv actors. They are like, what was that movie that everybody went crazy for, the shaky camera movie, the Blair Witch Hunt?

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Blair Witch Project. And it was like improv actors that went in the woods with a flashlight and a camera and made this movie that everyone went crazy for back in the early 2000s, late 90s. This is the Blair Witch Project. 16 times a season. Wow. And I am just in love with it. And everybody that texts in loves Mountain Monsters. So let us get right to it. You know what else we did? Hold on.

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We know what else we did a lot of in Season 4.

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We'll get to Frankie. We'll get to Frankie. Don't worry. That's like the cream on top of the cake. Is that how you say it? Listen, I'm not as stupid as I look, Chrissy.

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There you go. Thank you very much. The cherry on your milkshake from Chick-fil-A. How's that?

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All right. Mountain Monsters. Entire episode. We're not going to go through the entire episode, but we're going to go through as much as we possibly can. Here we go. Bigfoot or Bust. Bigfoot or Bust, Season 6, EP 1. Hey, we're on Season 6, too. Look at that. Bill's Squat Watch. Wild Bill's Squat Watch.

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Well, I bet Wild Bill's the kind of guy that clears out a restaurant when he goes into the bathroom.

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Yeah, I bet these guys have a diet like any other you've ever seen. Beef jerky, Wendy's. Mountain Dew, of course.

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1700 Stunden. Kein Sighting zu Squatch. 1700 Stunden? 1700 Stunden ist Militärzeit für 5 Uhr.

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Well, that would not surprise me, actually. No scientists either, anywhere around. Today, I'm trying to lay my peepers on old Mr. Bigfoot's hair. I've never seen someone put binoculars like that. Are his eyes that close together?

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He's doing his own comedy vaudeville routine. ...and saw a section called Recon. He called it Sexy Recon?

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It's only up to Taggart.

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I saw one time I saw that section watch.

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A squatch botch. That's what I call it. What is wrong with his ear?

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Oh, geez. It's kind of a cauliflower ear. It is.

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I think he's the Bigfoot.

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Poor guy. That ear is deformed.

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He's getting like some parents I know.

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Honk! Honk! There's only one donkey in this scene. What are you doing, dude? Mr. Bigfoot!

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You ain't gonna stay hidden from Mr. Wild Bill. Because when I'm making all this racket, I'm sure you're just gonna come a-running.

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Yeah, nothing like having binoculars to scope out the secret Bigfoot running around the woods and then make an ungodly holla every chance you get.

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Huh, I haven't heard that before. This is why Huck is 500 pounds. It's because his mama's feeding him a cheeseburger.

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Here we go. Product placement. Snap into a Slim Jim.

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I had no idea how much of this show was just a one-man improv vaudeville act. But it's pretty funny. Squatch jerky. He made jerky for the squatch.

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I would say his handwriting is terrible, but it's better than mine. So there you go.

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Here's what I got today. Do you think he sits at home and writes up these comedy routines?

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It's hard to believe this went on for six seasons. It's worse than the commercial break. He looks like a deformed Popeye. He's drinking his soda with his cheeks full of beef jerky. You gotta see this. YouTube.com slash thecommercialbrick. It's pretty funny, actually.

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Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to another episode of TCB's Endless Day. I'm Brian Greene, this is my co-host and my dear friend, Chrissy Joy Hodley. Best to you, Chrissy.

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Who doesn't know that? What do you mean a lot of people don't know that?

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Oh, he's writing in his notebook, just like you do, Chrissy. That's why he never finds the Bigfoot, because he's got a notebook just like you.

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5.35? Oh, here we go. We know by the change of the music that something serious is about to happen.

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What the hell is that extremely low rumbling noise coming in from the sound effects people at Travel Channel?

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I know. I felt like he was so close. Yeah, he was eating like the Squatch, drinking like the Squatch. That's right. He was about to lay a log like the Squatch and call him right in.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Keeping us chugging along. Texting, calling in on the phone. Thank you very much. We've gotten a few emails. People have listened to Rachel Bloom so far. They've listened to Michael Ian Black. Both episodes got notes. Thank you very much. We really appreciate it. They said Rachel...

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TCB'S Endless Day #6: Reggie Watts

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Wenn jemand Charles und Melanie gesagt hätte, dass sie nach ihrem Tinder-Match gemeinsam einen Channel mit crazy Aufgaben starten, also wirklich crazy, fünf Tage auf einer einsamen Insel verbringen, eine Zipline an einem Gurt runterrasen, eine Million Views knacken, eine Wand mit Saugnöpfen hochklettern und Fallschirmspringen in Ägypten? Das hätten die beiden niemals geglaubt.

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TCB'S Endless Day #6: Reggie Watts

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Aber das ist das Ding mit Tinder. Es führt dich an Orte, die du nie erwartet hättest. Wohin es dich auch führt. It starts with a swipe. Tinder.

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TCB'S Endless Day #6: Reggie Watts

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I was, I was a dumb dumb.

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Where the chauvinistic host talks to chauvinistic guys who just dress down girls with their words in their eyes. It's the most awkward thing you've ever seen. But we found a couple episodes and we did it. And we loved it. It was really fun. It's a snapshot in time.

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It is.

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But the love connection is the one that is closest to our hearts. It's the king of dating shows. You're right about that. Because, get this, in case you don't know, and I think a lot of you do, but in case you don't, in case you're young and you're listening. The love connection... would get one person on the couch and then they would make videotapes of three of the opposite sex.

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So one guy, three girls would put together these videotapes, answering questions and talking about themselves and, you know, just from the shoulders up, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And the guy would choose a girl to go on a date with. Or he would let the audience choose somebody to go on a date with.

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Well, I'm talking about like at first. You can either let the audience choose or you can choose. And then at the end you can let the audience choose and you can go on a date with them. But get this. Then they give them a bunch of money. They say, hey, here's a thousand bucks or whatever it is. Probably back then 500 bucks. Here's 500 bucks. Go have a date.

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Here's their address and their phone number.

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And, by the way, we can't afford to send a camera crew or security out there, so you're on your own. Good luck, Chuck. What the fuck, Chuck? Let loose on Newport. Yes, let loose on, you know.

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Rancho Cuncamanga, California.

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And all kind of shit happened. Some guys spent the money before they even got to the date, so they took them to like, you know, a porta potty. One guy, Brad, Brad Van Bus Station, took his date to a bus station to get candy bars out of the candy machine. Good job, Brad. A lot of times they would end up back at the house and they would end up doing it.

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A lot of times they would end up back at the house. Or showing knee. The audience would go crazy. It was a different time. The audience would go crazy when a whiff of sex would be in the air. He got a handjob! People would pass out. They would go crazy. And they never even talked even close to explicit. It was an amazing time to be alive in America. Amazing.

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And this ran, any kid who stayed home from school, sick in the 90s or early 2000s, in the early 90s through the early 2000s, knows what love connection is, because it ran endlessly in syndication. And that's what you would watch when you were sick. Price is right. Let's make a deal. Fucking Love Connection.

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Young and the Restless. And the Love Connection. And maybe Judge Wapner. If you were lucky, you got Judge Wapner. The People's Court.

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That's right. All right. So let's do this. Everyone settle down. We're all getting too excited.

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There's nipples under that sweater! I swear to God! Ah! Ah!

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Sue Johansson is the best in the West. She really is. Remember that guy?

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Yeah, no, that's Dean. John Dean. Scaramucci. Scaramucci. I don't know where that came from.

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The guy who was a press secretary for Trump for one afternoon and then became anti-Trump the next afternoon. Thanks, Scaramucci. You did us all a favor. I appreciate it. Could you at least stuck in there and then become anti-Trump? Could you have been the press secretary that hates the president? That would have been so much more interesting.

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Now Theo Vaughn's in the front row and we're all trying to figure out who Carolyn Leavitt or whatever her name is fucking saying. She's screaming half the time like I am.

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Ein bisschen Barbecue-Sauce drauf. Vielleicht ein bisschen Chick-fil-A-Sauce. Ich habe Hunger. Ich muss nachher essen. Oh, die Buffalo-Sauce ist gut.

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These tariffs are working! Since no one ever...

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All right. We're already loopy and it's only episode number three that we're recording today. All right, we're going to take a break. Now to totally turn the tables 180 degrees. 988, if you or anyone you know is in mental distress or in crises, 988 is a free telephone line that you can call or text 24 hours a day, seven days a week. They never sleep. They never take time off.

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And they know, in English and in Spanish, and they know how to get you the resources and the help that you need, or if you just need someone to talk to. They are there, and they're there for a reason, because everybody, everybody, Rachel, we'll talk about this later. Oh, I want to say thank you to Rachel, by the way, for being the narrator for this entire dumb idea. And our best friend.

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Yeah, and our best friend. She's so great with the show and we love her to death. And she's narrating all the intros to the show. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Rachel, for all that. We shall talk about this later, but we have all been through this. All of us. If you live long enough, you're going to have a mental health crisis of some sort.

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Hey, Shoutout! Marianne, Chad, South Georgia Sean, Jenny, our new friend who's a mail carrier, just texted, I don't know what the name is, I asked for the name, and so many more of you. Postal executive, that's right. Erika, Dana, all these people. If you're listening, text in and we'll shout you out. Thank you so much. We appreciate it. Too many to name.

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If it lasts a day, a month or a year, you're going to go through it. Don't do it alone. Call a friend, call a family member, call 988. Das war's für heute. Ja, unfollowing the commercial break, blocking the commercial break on Instagram, whatever it takes. You can get through this. It's just a season and seasons change. They always do. Take care of yourself. Take care of your head.

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Take care of those around you. We love you. Everyone loves you. I'm talking to whoever it is out there that needs this message today. Alien-Light-Language.

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Okay, Marissa is listening. And then, who else is listening? Hey Marissa, how are you doing? She's working today, I think.

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A lot of people listen. I love that. Anyway, hi Marissa. Ja. Ja. Ja.

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I don't want to confuse anybody. You are not, we are not live. We are recording this an hour ahead of time. Okay, so, love connection. What the fuck, Chuck? Let's go back and let's revisit the guy who handed out pamphlets for a living and see how his date went. This is a short one, I think, because for liability reasons they kept it short with him.

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Ray Bennett is his name. He's a lighting technician. Never been married. Go figure. Age 30 looks 80. Age 30 looks 60. Kind of looks like Eddie Van Halen. He does look like Eddie Van Halen. You're so right about that. And I think that's part of why this clip has gone so viral. You know, we're not the only ones who have noticed Ray Bennett.

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But we'll try and get to some of them as we go on throughout the day. And maybe some phone calls a little bit later on. Looks like around 4 p.m. Eastern Time. Around 4 p.m. Eastern Time. Around that time. We're going to go live on Twitch. At least for one episode. Maybe on TikTok. TCB Podcast is the Twitch account. So go follow it. Hit the notifications.

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As a matter of fact, on TikTok, there's a whole account called Where is Ray Bennett now?

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And he showed up and I saw he's an old gray man with a mustache and bald. And he looks like an old he looks like your dad. I mean, not your dad, but your dad. Right. That's who he looks like. Did he ever get married? I don't know, because the only video is just slideshow pictures of him, but clearly he's still out there and kicking. Hey, Ray, what's up, buddy?

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This is the greatest love connection appearance in history.

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Nothing like raising your eyebrows, like that come hither, raising your eyebrows. Hey, what's up? Yeah, like you're bidding on pigs at a livestock auction.

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Yeah. Oh.

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Cowboy boots over the jeans. That was a look for a while. It was. I also pinch-rolled my jeans at times. Oh, me too. And nothing like tucking your shirt into your acid-washed jeans. He does not have the build to be wearing jeans, boots, or that shirt. He has the build to be wearing an elfin costume.

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Yeah, actually.

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No, better. No, no. Better. Better. I hand out pamphlets on the street.

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Rocking at the Sunset Strip Rocking at the Sunset Strip

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Yeah, that's the music that was hip back then in the 80s. Big hair, big fake breast implants were just coming into fashion, so everyone was getting them. Yeah, so here's Ray doing his best. He said he had the option of meeting ladies all day long. Didn't mean that he did that, because sometimes he had other things to do, Chrissy, but let's go back and listen to that one more time.

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Yeah, passing out flyers. Telling people that I'll be at the bar at 7pm if they want to come on by.

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Yeah, Chuck with his coiffed hair is like, I don't understand. I get my escorts delivered to me.

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Don't even say that. Don't even say it.

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No, I'm not looking for that. I've got more flyers to pass out, Chuck. I've got a van to go back to. I've got a van and a hamster.

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Oh, he had a van and a hamster. I can guarantee.

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Yeah!

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Good for you. You are a rockstar of... I'm not a rockstar, but I live like one, Chuck.

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I've had 40, 50 one-night stands. No sex involved, but they needed a place to stay. My van was parked right out front, so I let them hang out there.

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I don't even think it's ours, actually. I don't know. No one knows how that got made. But let's not even say that. TCB Podcast is TCB Podcast. It's the Twitch handle. Go there, subscribe, hit the notifications so that you get notified when we go live. Alright, so it's episode number... Are we on five now? I think we're on five. Episode number five of TCB's Endless Day.

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Because I've been under police. Because the judge told me I got slapped. You know, Chuck, I'm usually a very aggressive person.

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I can see this guy in this day. I don't know about Ray now. Aber ich kann Ray sehen, der damals der Typ war, der, wenn du ihn in einem Bar mit zehn Füßen bekommst, sagen wir, du, Chrissy, wenn... Ich fahre dich zurück in 1982. Du bist bei Guzzaris. Entschuldige, Guzzaris. Atari Guzzaris. Du bist da. Und Ray... Du kommst in seinen Tractorbeam. Und er ist wie ein Magnet. Er tut dir leid.

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Und er stoppt niemals mit dir zu sprechen. Er blockiert jeden anderen Mann. Your girlfriends leave, they go home, and he's like guarding the door.

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Hey, I'm handing out flyers. You want to see my flyers?

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No, he actually said guy, if you listen. If you listen, he says guy. Now, that's cool, whatever, listen.

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He said, I'm not ready for it. I'm not ready to do the initiating. Listen, whatever. You know, it's a wild time. It's the 80s. Listen, this is before, you know, Anything. I mean, in the 80s we didn't know anything. You just had sex with anybody you wanted to. That's the way it was. It was like a Roman bathhouse back in the 80s in the Sunset Strip. Chuck's like, well, how did this get past legal?

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Just the way he's holding himself.

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I mean... Okay. I guess so. I can imagine that's one of the best places to meet guys.

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Maria, you seem sweet. Run. Yes. Next on, she works out regularly.

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Oh, she stood up for herself. I told you, Bob. I told you women are standing up for themselves.

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Ja. Ich meine... Dawn sucht für ein Fleischwagen. Sie sucht für ein Babyarm. Aber ich fühlte, es war richtig.

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Ray says, not into it. No thank you. I got standards to uphold. What would the guys at Grisari's think if I didn't make out with a chick?

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Brought to you with a limited commercial interruption by our friends at 5-Hour Energy. Thank you very much, 5hourenergy.com, for all the flavors, the hot sauces, the merch, everything. You can get it all there or anywhere in the world. 5-Hour Energy is everywhere, literally. And thank you very much for sponsoring this whole day. We really appreciate it.

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I love that noise.

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This is perfect for Ray. And I think this is who he picks, if I'm not mistaken.

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Yeah, John probably, yeah, that's right. John owns 888-CALL-TCB and 1-900-GET-REAL.

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One!

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That's what everyone got excited about.

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Can you imagine back then, commercial breaks were only two minutes and two seconds long? We can't even get Rachel to do a liner in less than a minute and a half. And that's not because of Rachel, that's because of Brian.

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Wiggle Wiggly? Wiggle Wiggy. Yeah, what? Are you angling, Chuck? What the fuck, Chuck?

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Ah, nothing like meeting up at the 7-Eleven.

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Hey, it's Ray. I picked you in Love Connection. They gave me your phone number, your address, your dress size, your social security number. What do you say we meet up at the 7-Eleven for a big gulp and some Slurpees?

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What is going on in Hollywood? You're at the 7-Eleven, Ray pulls up, checks you out, you're wearing driving gloves. Oh, you're on a race?

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Yes, it does. You fit right in a 7-Eleven with shorts and a tank top. But, Ray, I thought you were the Casanova of Sunset Strip. I thought you were the Grisari's I'm not sorry's Casanova.

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Oh my gosh. Hey, listen, I come in cash. I figure there's only one way to go if I'm half naked.

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Fünf Stunden Energie und fünf Jahre. Fünf Stunden Energie. Fünf Stunden Energie. Das ist richtig. Hey, ich habe es nicht gedacht. Guck dir an, wie du all diese Verbindungen machst. Chrissy arbeitet heute wie Chat-GPT. Sie hat einen kleinen PT-Head.

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Well, Ray, so. Well, Ray. We don't want to get into any kind of legal proceedings, so can we move this along, Ray? Yeah, so what are you jumping, her car or your car?

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Hey, listen. You don't expect not to drive if you're wearing gloves. Driving gloves nonetheless. Driving gloves? Who wears those? Inspector Clouseau and the Girl from Love Connection.

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Well, I really haven't laid on the charm yet, Chuck. I have to get a little warmed up. Kind of, sort of. It was more of a friendship kind of thing. More of a friendship kind of vibe, which is, you know, most of the vibes that I get. Friendship kind of, you know, kind of the leave me alone vibe. You know, the I'm not talking to you, but you're talking to me kind of vibe.

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You know, Chuck, one way conversation. You've been there, you're right.

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Probably. That's why he was wearing a tank of shorts. May I remind you, both of these young folks went to the same hairstylist.

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I want to be a part of this so bad. They needed cameras the whole time. That was the one element they were missing.

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I guess. I don't know.

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Ja, meine ist völlig auf den Rädern. Ich weiß es nicht. Es sagt mir immer, dass es was tun wird. Und dann passiert es nicht. Und dann bin ich so, was ist passiert? Und es ist so, ich bin sorry, ich kann das nicht tun. Und ich bin so, aber du hast mir gesagt, dass du es tun kannst. Du hast recht, das ist mein Fehler. Und ich bin so, You're the worst employee I have ever had.

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So, let me get this straight. Bad guys come up. You're at the dark street. You pull down the wrong alley. Bad guys come up. Semi-automatic weapons. You say, can you excuse me for a minute while I open my trunk and get my nine-foot bow whip? I got it at the horse and feed store.

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It is. Hey, listen. I love it. I love the idea of a woman running around snapping guys with a bow whip. But I think this is a clear sign to Ray that he will not, in fact, be getting laid tonight. Within nine feet of you are their eyes.

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Maybe she was just trying to intimidate him out of the date. She's looking for handcuffs and skull earrings?

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Just the thought made me jizz.

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Let's have a couple of shooters. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

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ChatGPT was supposed to be the miracle cure for everything. And it can't even create a Google Drive. Well, you overloaded it. I did. I asked it to, I sucked it, whatever. It fucking cares about my ChatGPT. 3. Season 3 is what we're on right now. So, Season 3 here at the commercial break was marked by kind of a turn in tone and texture for a little while.

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Stuck to the side of his head. He's dancing hard. His bald spot showing in the back. I've never had a date like this on the show. No, it's Chuck. No one has. Chuck stumped. Yeah, no one's had a date like this.

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So what I did... Does not sound like an excuse to get out of the end part of the date. I gotta go see my dad.

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I don't remember this. I don't either. He dropped me off at the freeway on ramp. No, he did walk. He did walk. Drop me off at the freeway on ramp. Wait, stop here. Here. I live on the overpass.

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No, no, no. That's my house. The overpass. Under it.

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I know you're going to try, but there's no explanation. Five minutes away.

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No, he didn't want you to go to his house. He didn't want you to see his van.

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Listen, if you're so embarrassed of your house that you have to be dropped off in the most dangerous possible situation ever, that's bad news. I mean, listen, take her to the good side of town with the houses with the fences and the gate. And just pretend to be pressing buttons and go, it's not working. Code's not working. Don't worry about it.

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I'll get it.

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Go on. Can you call me a cab just in case I have to go to my other mansion? Have her drop you off at the nicest apartment building in Bel Air. What's she gonna know? Go in the parking lot and then say bye. And then walk to your house under the overpass. You got shorts on. It's not too hot.

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And that is, I think, toward the middle of the season and then Season 4, kind of lump these two together a little bit. Season 3 and Season 4 were really marred by video reviews. It was almost every episode of the commercial break another video review.

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They almost seem like they go together.

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And once you drop someone off on the highway, you're kind of bonded for life. I think you have to go for a second time just to find out where he lives.

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Oh, we're the same height. That's good news. Because he is on the shorter side. Not that I'm hating on short guys. I'm just sharing that he's short.

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I do like Chuck. And I did like Ray. And you know what? I got a soft spot in my heart.

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I don't know. It's the end of the episode. It's the end of the Love Connection episode. I guess they're going to fill it in later. Fill in the face. Yeah, it's literally cardboard. Look at it. It's got shadows. There's no AI technology there, Chrissy. The face is cut off. Yeah, all right. Kevin, show that on the video so we know what we're talking about here. All right.

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The TCB's Endless Day Truck Song. with our cowboy boots on the outside of our pants. We keep on moving along. I see the phone's going off. It's blowing up. So thank you very much to everyone who's texting in and maybe we'll take some calls a little bit later. In a couple of hours we'll go live on Twitch. Und du kannst das auch von deinem Computer oder deinem Handy machen. Thank you.

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Chrissy, our technology expert.

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No, no, you don't have to have the app. It's amazing. Brand new technology from Twitch. I love you.

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You're like my old, you're like the grandpa. Technology comes along, you're like, huh? Huh? All right. So, 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3TCB. When we go live on Twitch, if you want to call in, do it then. Maybe we'll take some phone calls. Maybe we'll see if we can complicate matters even more. Take some phone calls. Maybe we won't. We're just going to try and get through the day. Jeff might call in.

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Wir waren. Es war viel Spaß. Um ehrlich zu sein, hatten wir einen tollen Zeitpunkt und wir haben wirklich gut gemacht, was wir gemacht haben. Aber es scheint ein paar Themen zu sein, die wir über und über wieder fortsetzen. Dating-Game-Shows, Mountain Monsters, Frankie B. Und manchmal auch Teresa Caputo hier und da. And we loved it. We loved every minute of it.

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Oh, okay. There you go. Hey, Jeff calls in. I'm answering. Oh, shizzy. At the commercial break on Instagram. Stay tuned. Astrid's posting stuff all day long. YouTube.com slash the commercial break for all of the episodes on video. The celebrity interview portion of today. All those videos will be out today. The rest will be rolling out over the next couple of days. Give us a break.

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We're trying to do as much as we can. And tcppodcast.com for your endless day sticker, which will come out over the next couple of weeks. Drop us your information. We'll get you one. Okay, Chrissy. Well, there you go. Another one in the can. That's right. I love you. And I love you. Best to you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe until the top of the hour.

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Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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Yes, Piggy Fronting. I think Aliens happened in Season 2 or Season 3. The old, let's see if I can pull up that noise here. Many of you who have been listening for a while will remember. Piggy Fronting. Das kam natürlich von dem Mann, der besagt hat, dass er Sex mit 3.000 Aliens hat. Und er hat seine Kinder in der Space Capsule besucht.

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Und er war auf unserem Lieblings-Morning-Show, unserem Lieblings-ITV-Morning-Show, namens Morning Show, ich glaube, das ist, was es heißt. ITV's Morning, This Morning, oder was auch immer. Und die Morgenshow hatte diesen Mann an. Sie hatten immer diese wackigen Charaktere, die ankommen und versuchen, ihn ernst zu nehmen. Dieser Mann kam an.

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Er hat seine Interaktionen mit diesen magischen Kreaturen gedreht, von denen er Tausende von Tausenden von Interaktionen mit Aliens hatte. Die meisten von ihnen sexuell. Er hatte Sex mit vielen alienen Mädchen. Weißt du, was ich meine? So wie man es macht, wenn sie keine Zähne haben. Ja. And our boy, I just never forget when he was like, well, have you ever taken a photograph of it?

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And he goes, well, it's kind of hard to bring a camera. And I thought to myself, yeah, it's kind of hard to bring a camera on every device that ever has been since the year 2001. There's a camera. This guy was such a nudnik. Anyway, we thought to ourselves, well... Oh, er war von einem anderen Planeten. Er war von... So the aliens, Teresa Caputo, mountain monsters, dating shows.

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Man, did we do a lot of love connection. Man, did we do a lot of mountain monsters in season three and season four. So beggars can't be choosers. I think we should talk about both of these things. But we might not get it done in one episode. We might have to roll it over into the seventh episode. But

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I think we should start off by talking about one of our first Love Connection videos, which is What the Fuck, Chuck? is the name of the episode.

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I don't recall exactly what season it was. I'm just talking about our first Love Connection was What the Fuck, Chuck? Because...

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That was so funny. But in Season 3, if I'm not mistaken, and I looked last night, the problem is that they don't carry season numbers anymore on any of the podcast platforms. So I don't even know. I have to go like in the server to take a look at it. And let's be honest about it.

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Brian's lazy. Yeah, you think I want it. That's why I want Chad GPT to do all of this shit for me.

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Fucker. In Season 3, we did an episode where we found a guy on the Love Connection who was like not a bouncer, but a guy who like handed out pamphlets for the Whiskey A Go-Go in L.A.

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I get chicks all day long.

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I want to do that video again because I think it bears repeating.

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And we'll do it in the second segment of the show. But man, did we have some fun with the love connection. And for a minute there, I had the bright idea. I'm just recalling this because I think it's interesting to discuss. I had the bright idea. Let's do a dating show.

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This is like 12 phone numbers ago. I also remember that season number three or two, we got our first phone number and then we changed it every three months.

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For two years.

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We had so many different phone numbers. 1-888-CALL-TCB, 1-212-TCB-456. Who knows?

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Yeah, you want me to repeat it? Here, okay, ready? It would be like, the next episode of the commercial break starts now. This same noise every time. Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, this is my dear friend Chrissy Hoadley. Best to you, Chrissy. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe.

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Welcome back to yet another episode of this, the commercial break. The only one you'll ever need. Hey, it's not for everyone, but at least it's free. Get your money back, guaranteed. Go to tcbpodcast.com It was ridiculous. I would drone on for days. The good news, the intro was 17 minutes long, so we knew every episode was going to be at least 17 minutes long. The bad news,

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We had like this symposium one time. We invited some listeners to like tell us what they like and what they don't like about the show. And the number one thing they don't like about the show is Brian doing a 17-minute intro every fucking episode. It was ridiculous. So I have this bright idea. Let's do a dating show.

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Text me or call me at this phone number if you would like to be a part of this dating show.

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Wrote it in the notebook so you knew it was never going to happen. So I start getting text messages from two people in particular. I think we got like four or five people. I think we had like four or five people text us that entire season. And three of them were regarding the dating show. We had these two people in particular. And I'm not going to use their names, of course not.

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But they were guys. And they started texting me and I said, okay, great. Well, here's my idea. You know, we'll put the girl behind the screen. You can ask some questions if you guys get along. Like if, you know, kind of like a, is it hot or is it not type of thing. You ask a question, see how she answers. We'll have your answers ahead of time.

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If those answers are similar, you guys are connected and then we'll send you off into the world. Um eine Zoom-Date zu machen oder so etwas. Weil ich denke, dass wir noch die Lockdowns waren. Richtig. Das war meine brillante Idee.

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Aber.

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Nicht nur habe ich über legale Fähigkeiten nachgedacht. Ich habe angefangen, einige Textmessungen zu bekommen, mit denen ich nicht komfortabel war. Also wusste ich, dass die Frau am anderen Ende nicht komfortabel sein wird. It was like, you know, well, I'll tell you what, I never dated anybody minus a D-Cup, so make sure she's got grand Tetons.

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And I'm like, dude, you're texting a podcast that has three listeners to find a girlfriend and you're gonna be choosy? Really? And the other guy was like, well, I gotta be honest, I'm still living with my mom. And I was like, oh, that's okay. Lots of people live with their mom. It's the pandemic. I'm sure lots of people went home. No, I never really left home. And I'm like, oh, that's okay.

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Sometimes it takes a while to get out of the house. He's like, 67 years. I was like, 67 years old? You're 67? Probably should have been the first question I asked. But then I was like, well... Maybe we can find someone your age. You know, he's like, I'm not looking for someone my age. And I thought, well, I can think of all the ways this could go wrong and I can think of none of the ways.

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Yeah, boy! Untertitelung im Auftrag des ZDF, 2020 Untertitelung im Auftrag des ZDF, 2020 Ja, Chick-fil-A, Mann. Du musst es zu Chick-fil-A geben. Sie sind das beste Fast-Food im Geschäft. Es gibt einen Grund, warum. Es ist, weil sie lachen. Und die Kühe sind gut. Das ist der Grund, warum.

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Let's change our phone number. Yeah, let's change our phone number. And we did.

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We did.

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I still have access to one of those old phone numbers, like the, you know, it's like an online, the phone number is not actually a phone number. It's a system that we use.

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I had every cheap thing. I had freephone-number.com.

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Yes.

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I couldn't get the number. I had 1-888-CALL-TCB or whatever, right? I had the best phone number ever. And we had it for like three weeks. And then all of a sudden it stopped working. And I was like, oh, okay, let me get in there. And then nothing. It was like, I'm sorry, this account doesn't exist. And I'm like, yes, it does. I paid like $600 for the lifetime use of 888-CALL-TCB. Das ist richtig.

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Okay. Yeah, and John wanted like $6,000 for it. And I'm like, fuck John. Fuck John in Idaho. And John's probably a listener, too. John is probably the guy living in the basement, 67 years old, wants a double-D hot blonde that's 28 years old to come flying in his mom's barnhouse door. I swear to God.

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John, give us our phone number back, because I'll never change this phone number again, unless I get 1-888-CALL-TCB back. Then I'll get the phone number back. So, our dating shows, you know, I think we're better just reviewing them rather than trying to do them.

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In the history of the commercial break, we've reviewed all kinds. We've reviewed the dating game.

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Naked Attraction, which I have never gotten a response. Like, I've gotten Naked Attraction response. Never. People all over the place. I love that show. I hate that show. I was eating breakfast. I was trying to eat breakfast. I can't hear you talk about penises for another episode. I think we almost lost an employee over it. We had Christina here. You remember Christina.

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She was our producer for a while. I hope she's doing well. Love Christina. I do miss Christina a lot. I do. I miss someone that does the hard work. That does the work. But Christina was here and we did that episode and I thought to myself, let's do penises. Penises. That way, you know, it's a touchy thing. It's like an HR problem, right?

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I mean, she signed a contract and it said in that contract specifically, we talk about all kinds of shit, so if you're bothered by that. And to be fair to her, she was never bothered by any of it. She was right in there with us in the mix.

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But that episode, when we recorded the episode of Naked Attraction, when we just looked at penises for an hour, the look on her face told me all I needed to know. I was like, I'm either getting sued or she's quitting after this. Because we just looked at a bunch of penises for an hour.

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We've done all kind of dating shows. And I've loved them all. It's one of my favorite types of television programming, to be honest. Because there's always a train wreck right around the corner.

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Was war das? Sie hätten ihre Herzen auf ihren Panten. Studs. Studs. Studs. Studs war gut. Studs war gut. Studs war für etwa sechs Saisons. Aber du kannst es nirgendwo finden, weil es in dem IP-Rechts-Universum, in dem Black Hole, verloren ist. Weil wirklich ist Jeff Bezos going, hey, können wir die Rechte zu Studs bekommen?

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TCB's Endless Day #4: Michael Ian Black

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I once dated a guy who looked like our next guest. But he didn't have the fame, intelligence, money or awesome hair. So I dumped him and got a pitbull and a house. Anyway, Michael Ian Black is the next person to grace this birthday bash. Michael is a familiar face to anyone who knows comedy. With hundreds of books, TV and movie credits to his name, he's a multi-talented artist.

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TCB's Endless Day #4: Michael Ian Black

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Unlike one podcaster we know. Looking straight at you, Brian. Pointing my finger directly in your face. Ja. However, if Wet Hot American Summer isn't at the top of your Why I Like Michael list, I don't even want to know you. You can read his articles on the Daily Beast, watch him on Have I Got News For You, or go back and watch Wet Hot American Summer. Again and again. Sorry. Links in show notes.

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TCB's Endless Day #4: Michael Ian Black

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He joins us next as TCB's Endless Day rolls on. That episode starts now.

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That's right. Let's get it right. It's number three, but it's number two that we're recording today. Let's put it that way. So here we are, Saturday, May 31st. Thanks for joining us. Some people already texting in that they're patiently awaiting episodes to come out.

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We were like juniors in high school. We had to get a kid that was like in eighth grade to play the bass for our live show. So it's rather embarrassing. We had like a kid playing bass.

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Oh, I was a saxophonist. I was a saxyphonist. I was a sexyphonist. Yes, I was, Chrissy. I was, yeah, I was in the band in high school and I played sexyphone. But I wasn't good. I wasn't good.

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No, I decided not to break out the sexy phone for my grunge rock band. I very much wanted to be Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains. You know, we were all trying to emulate the thing that was popular back then. There was no originality to it whatsoever. We were just trying to be like, quote unquote, whoever.

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I mean, you know, we tried our best, but it was clear that we were just mimicking what we were hearing. And we were also kids, 16, 17 years old.

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Every other band. Some bands got famous emulating other bands. Creed, Stone Temple Pilots, everybody else. They all emulated the first two that came out, or the first three or four. Nirvana, Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam. That's it. Those four were the big four.

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And I mean, arguably there were others in the more like indie scene, like Nine Inch Nails and the Pixies and, you know, White Zombie, whatever you want to.

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That Seattle grunge rock sound. And we were trying to be the next Seattle grunge rock band from Cobb County, Georgia.

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Right outside of Atlanta. And we were practicing in my... This guy's dad was a guitarist. That's what he did. He was like a session musician.

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He played in bands on the weekends to make money and he worked at a music studio or something. So he really... Wow. Terrible. Also, it's the 90s. Everybody's in angst. Everybody hates being everybody. Everything is awful. If we only knew. If we only knew. Could we just go back to that time?

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We're doing it. A little late on the first one, but I think we're back on track, Chrissy. I'm not too worried about it right now. Season number two of the commercial break was a very funny and light-hearted season of the commercial break. Still, I think we're mainly doing one episode a week. We get into two later half of the season. We find Teresa Caputo.

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Could we just go back to that time when the worst thing possible happening was puberty and not everything else in the world? But anyway. That band, 33P, played a show that I revealed on episode number 43, 23, whatever it was of the commercial break. Played a couple of live shows, but our very first live show, we got invited to play a party.

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A friend of a friend of a friend, his parents were out of town, and he was going to have a party at noon in the afternoon. Right. Oh, good old house party. Could we play or could you play? I forgot how it goes because it was a friend of a friend. I wasn't involved in that conversation. All I knew is we were going to go show up, bring our equipment. It was your first gig.

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It was our very first gig. And I was sweating profusely for three days ahead of time because it was fun to play in the attic when it was just us. But there was going to be some other eyeballs on us. I mean, I would get a panic attack when Dan's dad would come up and listen to us.

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Which was not often, because he knew how bad we were. But now we're going to play in front of actual strangers, in a house party, and in my head, for days ahead of time, this is going to be hundreds of people standing around. Like you would see in the movies. Like old school. There's going to be a thousand people in the backyard, and I'm going to be playing on the stage. Snoop Doggy Dogg.

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We get there and there may be six people milling about and three of them are related. You know what I'm saying? It's like the brothers of the house or whatever. Nobody, no females, all guys, no keg of beer. There's like some, you know, Zima in the refrigerator. Oh, the old Zima. There's some Zima in the refrigerator and maybe a case of Natty Ice. I forget. It was not what we expected at all.

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Es gab keine Bühne. Wir konnten nicht im Hintergrund spielen, weil der Typ seine Nachbarn nicht wollen, um zu finden, dass es eine Party gibt. Also mussten wir im Inneren spielen. Wo können wir spielen? Wo auch immer ihr wollt. Also haben wir die Familienstube ausgeschnitten. Oh, okay. Okay. He told me he would get it to me. I haven't seen it. But he did give me this. He had this.

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He gave me this. We played some of this 696 episodes ago. We played some of this. I, Chrissy, went and remastered it to clean it up a little bit. A little bit. It's still very muddy. It's an old tape recorder. It's like back before any of this technology existed. You just press record on an old tape recorder. and put it in front of you and hope that it caught anything. It caught some of it.

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But I was able to use some technology to master it and to pull out the stems, the vocals, the drums, the guitar, turn it into. So to take myself to a further level of embarrassment, I have now remastered the 33P live from Shady Oaks Party. Oh, and by the way, by the time we started playing a couple hours after we got there, there was maybe 40 people there.

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We dig in our heels on Frankie B. Frankie, that was the premiere. Oh, that was our... Actually, Frankie B. Oh, actually, he was the first. He's season one. Frankie B. is season one. We'll get to Frankie B. later on, by the way. But Frankie B. is season one. Teresa Caputo comes along. Mountain Monsters come along.

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There was 30 of those people in the room when we started. There was two by the time the first song was over. Everybody left. Everyone. No one had any interest in hearing what we had to play. So in some sense it made me more comfortable because at least now it was familiar territory. No one watching us.

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But I have that remastered tape, Chrissy. Believe it or not. And I'd like to play it for you. Because we have lots of time to kill. And because I'm a glutton for punishment. What do you say?

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We're going to take a short break. All of this is brought to you with limited commercial interruptions by our... Vielen Dank. or you can call English or Spanish and get the help that you need, regardless of the resources you have available financially. So we're doing this to celebrate five years. We're doing this because five-hour energy is awesome. We're doing this because we love you.

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And then we're also doing this to remind you that mental health is... Das ist, wenn nicht mehr wichtig, als jede andere Gesundheit, die du besuchst. Du kümmerst dich wahrscheinlich um deinen Körper. Du kümmerst dich wahrscheinlich um Gewicht, Training, Rennen, Exercise. Nicht ich, aber du. Du kümmerst dich wahrscheinlich um all das. Du isst richtig oder versuchst, richtig zu essen.

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Dial it if you need to. Don't go through it alone. Call a friend. Call a family. Call your mama. Call your papa. Call TCB. Call somebody. Don't go through it alone. The grass is always greener on the other side. I promise you'll live to fight another day. As long as you live to fight another day. Alright. We'll take a break and we'll be back.

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Pawpaw Popper. Hold on one second. I reloaded that. It's awesome.

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I like the music underneath the liner with Rachel. I do too. Yeah, it's so much better than anything we're about to hear.

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The stock music is so much better than anything I ever created. Those people are talented. They are. Yeah, those stock, like the guys and girls who make the music that we use. It's like a subscription service and then you can, you know, you're licensed to use it essentially. Some of them are really talented. They do a really good job. Not us. Okay, also 33P. Ich weiß nicht.

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Lass mich das Jahr antworten. Nein, ich will das Jahr nicht antworten, weil ich weiß nicht, wie alt ich bin. Es ist die 90er-Jahre an einem Punkt, richtig? Ich bin ein Teenager, 16, 17 Jahre alt. Ich bin der Sänger und der Hauptgitarrist für 33P und live von Shady Oaks.

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I think the guy who originally played bass with us actually played bass in the band. If I'm not mistaken, it might have been Dan's brother that did that. I don't know. I can't remember. You know, everybody, you know, like Spinal Tap, the drummer comes in and out. We had the same problem with the bassist. Like, you know, they would die or explode on stage or something like that.

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They didn't show up. They had a bad drug problem. I don't know. We always had a problem with the bassist. But then again, we were only together for like six months. We're not talking about a long stretch of time. I think it was clear to everybody that we were not going to be the next breakout hit. Back in the 90s, there was a band. What was that band?

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Australian band. They were kids, like 13 years old. And they had an album that went nuts off this song called Fat Boy. You're gonna wait till tomorrow. Text in 212-4333-TCB or I'll Google it later. But they went crazy. And when that I think this is like right around the same time when they came out.

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And so everybody imagined that we would just be found and discovered that they could do it at 16 years old. But, you know, you actually have to be good to do that. So like those guys had it wasn't the best music in the world, but it was catchy. It was a catchy tune. All right, where do we start here? I think sunny side up is where we start.

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The Mountain Monsters had an episode where they were chasing a paw-paw-pawper, like a paw-pawper or something like that.

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This is muddy. It's a little bassy. So turn down your volume a little bit, maybe. This is sunny side up. A song that I wrote. I wrote it all. I wrote the music. I wrote the lyrics. And that is not a compliment to myself. I'm just trying to save the other guys from embarrassment.

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Wait, the good part is coming up after this episode. Oh yeah, you can hear the angst.

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Still skinny, by the way, John Pauper. I saw him playing at a festival somewhere. They had like a live something they were doing.

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For a high school band. Yeah. It's not the worst thing I've ever heard. Right. I was listening to this yesterday and I was like, well, it could have been a lot worse.

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I have no idea. Okay. Fair enough. I really have no idea. I honestly have no clue what I was singing about. I tried to pull out the lyrics with like a AI software program, but again, AI foiled me. Well, it came up with some of the lyrics, but it's so muddy that it can't like distinguish it. The truth is, is that I think sunny side up had something to do with being on drugs. Okay.

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Mate, you might be right, because I do talk about drugs, you know, all fucked up, taking the drugs, the drugs I'm taking, the things I'm baking, whatever, sunny side up. I also think it may have been something that we used to say to each other after a long night of like tripping or smoking weed. Ah. Like, oh Jesus, I'm sunny side up, you know, like I'm toast, I'm fried, essentially.

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No, it was in London. They were playing that big day or, I don't know, something BBC, something... Brian got it wrong.

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So it was my, you know, satirical way of letting you know that I was all fucked up. Little did I know that 20 short years later, I just let everybody know how many drugs I was taking. I just go ahead and say it out loud. So, there you go. I think that was our first song that we played for the night. But let's cut right to the chase, Chrissy. For the day. For the morning.

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That was our first... That's our first morning song.

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Sunny side up. There you go. Getting everybody going. Hey, listen, I did hear one person go, yeah! Yeah!

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We had this good friend named Bob who's still friendly with all of us today. I saw him at my brother's engagement party. Oh, you did? Yeah. And he's kind of like, oh, I saw Mike. I saw Dan about a year and a half ago. I see these guys still. I still see them. We still reminisce. And Mike swears Es ist gut.

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Er sagt, das Show, das wir im Rekordraum gemacht haben, das war der echte Club, er sagt, es ist gut, Mann, du warst gut, es ist gut. Und ich bin so, ja, ich denke, das ist schön von dir zu sagen, aber ich bin nicht überzeugt, dass any of this is good.

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Es ist wie Mumble Rap. Du hast Dinge herausgefunden. Ich war. Und wie konnte ich das zu meiner Stimme tun? Ja. So bad. So I still see them. So, you know, I saw this guy, Bob, who was like, he wasn't in the band, but he was like in our circle of friends and he was always with us and hanging out.

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Oh, you know I'm getting it wrong.

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You know, I guess you could call him a supporter of the band, mainly because he hung out with us, not because he liked the music. But he also sometimes listens to the commercial break, though I think he thinks it's pretty terrible. I think that's his general opinion. This is not his flavor of podcasting. He's more of the, I think, kind of the Joe Rogan-type guy.

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But he did love that we had Ari Shafir on. He loved that. He thought that was the greatest thing in the world. So I was talking to Bob and, you know, Bob was saying he thinks he remembers being at this show. at the Sunday Side Up Show. So I think when you hear someone screaming in the background, I think it's Bob, because Bob got free Zima. Thanks, Bob. Yeah, thanks, Bob.

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I think Bob got free Zima, and I think that's why Bob was screaming, yeah, yeah, free Zima! All right, but as we get further into the show, I decide that we really need to bring the crowd back into it. You know, we don't want to lose the crowd that we've already lost. Wir wollen versuchen, sie wieder reinzubringen.

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Also, wenn ich mich richtig erinnere, gab es eine kurze Untertitelung in den zehn Songs, die wir gespielt haben. Wir mussten eine Untertitelung nehmen. Ich denke, nur, damit wir herausfinden konnten, ob wir jemanden anderen wieder reinbringen können und uns hören können. Und wir haben die Leute gewusst, dass wir ein paar Cover-Tunes spielen werden.

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Now, I can only find one cover tune that we actually played. It's probably the only one we actually knew how to play. And that was Killing in the Name of by Rage Against the Machine, which was all the rage back then, still is. Rage Against the Machine is one of the greatest bands ever. And their political messaging is always on point. They are smart. This is smart rock and roll.

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And they went at the man at every turn. And it was rage, rage, rage in some of the most incredible music you've ever heard. Brian found a way to fuck it all up. I couldn't even get it right. All I had to do was just emulate Zack De La Rope. That's all I had to do. But instead, I decided to put my own spin on killing in the name of it. A little more melodic, if you will, Chrissy.

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Because that's what killing in the name of needs, is a little bit more melody.

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Best to you. Best to you. Best to you. Best to you. playing the cassia keyboard oh such a good one that's a good one um so anyway so i'm i'm watching uh john popper skinny john popper and he is still got that very high falsetto voice he can get there still great day good for him even without all the extra air I like my John Popper, 1990s John Popper, because he's just a jolly old guy.

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Put in some trills in there, yeah.

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So, not only do I have the song, we'll listen to that, but then I have the vocals pulled out too, so we can hear. So all the world can hear my musical stylings.

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Let's listen to the whole song first. I want you to get it. I'm going to give you a little tasty Tina. Get your bearings about where we're at in this adventure. Here we go.

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Are you getting the feeling?

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Yeah, because I'm not playing.

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I'm harmonizing Killing in the Name of...

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You fucker do what they told you. Oh, go Brian. Getting asked? Okay, now. Okay, sounds good, right? Sounds great. Sounds like a terrible cover of Killing in the Name of.

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Why am I doing this to myself?

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I'm putting this out there.

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It's going to take a minute, because you have to go through the whole song. So let's wait a second as it goes through it.

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Oh, and it sounds a little weird, because it's pulling it out of a live feed.

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Try and get up, bitches. You were hard. Oh, yeah. I had the chain around my wallet.

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Killing in the name of was not their thing.

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Zack hat es nicht richtig gemacht, das erste Mal. Das ist, wie es sein sollte. Das ist richtig.

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Alright, one more here, one more embarrassment. This song is, for some unknown reason, is called Slide. Ja, sie hatten viele Hits, glaube ich.

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Oh nein, das ist nicht das, was ich spielen wollte. Warte. Das heißt B-I-L-T-H.

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Ja. BILF? BILF. Ja.

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You fuckers! I think you had to go through the family room to get to the refrigerator.

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I'm not kidding you either. Oh yeah, it's all coming back to me now. I bet it is. Three chords, three chords, we know three chords. Here are those three chords. I love it. Hey. Oh, I'm sitting on my porch apparently.

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Yeah, I wish she knew my name. It's a love song.

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I think I'm singing, but it's so incredibly loud. Smartly, we turned the music up, we turned the guitars up so loud that you couldn't hear me sing. That was a smart decision on our part. See, we weren't all stupid. If you could go back to your childhood and record your most embarrassing moments, I would like to hear those too. Now, listen, it's 2025.

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Everybody's most embarrassing moment gets their most. Yeah, that's like, that's my fear is that I crash out in public somewhere. You know, they call it a crash out. I crash out in public somewhere and it's all recorded. And then the guy from the commercial break, the show that no one knows, but is going to know for all the wrong reasons, had some terrible crash out. Seriously.

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Oh, we've got a PR agency.

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Just to let you know, Covert Creative, one of the best in the business. They handle some of the biggest people in the world. They are having mercy sex with us by getting into a contract. This is a mercy fuck, okay? Let's just be honest about it.

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This is like, have you ever seen trading places where they say, I bet we can get Eddie Murphy to be the CEO of this company. Any schmuck off the street could do it. And poor fucking Dan Aykroyd has sex with a hooker and loses his access to his butler and shit like that. I bet there's a deal going on at Covert. And they say, I bet you that we can take any schmuck and make him famous.

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It's an experiment. Let's see. Smartless, the commercial break. Those are the two that are on our roster.

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But man, have they changed every single member of that band except for John Popper? I mean, he's the only guy left. The guitarist is gone, the drummer is gone, the bassist is gone. I think they all look different. And every couple of years they all look different. So I think he just kind of rotates them. In and out. Blues Traveler.

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And I'm sorry. I looked everywhere in my email. I don't see that signed contract. Whoops. Block his email.

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Sign it and send it back. Speaking of Covert, Covert's been wonderful. Covert Creative, CTB, Bella Antoine. I mean, really, Bella. And Antoine and Joanna are great supporters of ours, too. But Bella is the person who books this show. All of the celebrities that you're hearing today were booked directly by Bella. In other words, she...

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You didn't have to. You probably won't ever again. But thank you so much. Alright, so, there you go. Chrissy. Oh, wait, that's not it. What was that?

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Yeah, it's gonna go out there. I'm gonna decide whether or not I want to edit it all. Edit all that out. This episode was five minutes long.

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It's all that Zima in me.

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I didn't even drink back then. I'm sure that I was up till five in the morning the night before, high on something, but I didn't drink back then, so there you go. At least I wasn't drunk. All right. Episode number three in the books. Thank you very much. More coming at you. By my count, 30 more to go. Right. We're almost a quarter of the way through. 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3TCB.

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Between three and five Eastern Standard Time. If you want to call in, we'll leave the phone on the desk. Maybe we'll answer. Maybe we won't. I think we are going to go live later on this afternoon. Make sure you're following us at the commercial break on Instagram. We'll give all of those details to you when the time comes. It's not. Just understand, this is not live.

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The other members of the band travel in and out of the money train that is Blues Traveler. And John Popper gets to keep all the cash. But he probably wrote all the songs, because he's a very talented musician. Anyway, season number two. We did a lot of stuff in season number two. Speaking of music. Well, let me tell a little story here first. I was watching John Popper on whatever this was live.

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When you're not listening to us live, we're recording this an hour ahead of time so that we can edit it and get it out the door. The guest episodes, they were recorded live. So at the commercial break on Instagram, tcbpodcast.com. We're going to put together an Endless Day sticker. If we make it through the Endless Day, we'll put together an Endless Day sticker and you can get yours.

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by going to the contact us button drop down menu I want my free sticker make sure you mention the endless day sticker and Astrid will send it off in the next couple of weeks thank you very much don't get froggy with Astrid please don't do that all the crew over there Ich sage nur meine Dankeschön. Und danke dir, dass du zu 790.000 Episoden gehört hast. Danke dir so viel.

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Und mehr kommt am Ende der Stunde. Ein weiteres Episode. Ich denke, nächstes Mal ist Michael Liam Black. Hör auf zu diesem Episode. Es ist großartig. Okay, Chrissy, das ist alles, was ich in dieser Stunde tun kann.

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Aber ich werde dir sagen, dass ich dich liebe.

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Ich sage das Beste dir. Das Beste dir. Das Beste dir im Podcast-Universum. Bis zum Ende der Stunde. Chrissy und ich sagen, wir sagen, und wir müssen sagen, Tschüss.

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And then on came the band Haim.

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The Three Sisters. The Haim Sisters. They just finished a long stretch with Taylor Swift. And so Astrid and I 2023, was ist 2023? Ja, 2023, when the commercial break was making money, or being paid money, let's put it that way. When the commercial break was being paid money, we got gifted tickets to go see Taylor Swift. In L.A. In, like, the fourth row. It was amazeballs. We were right there.

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Right behind the celebrity tent. Every single... And Esther and I thought about this afterwards. Taylor Swift did something really smart. She put a tent right, like, I don't know, maybe ten rows over to the side of the stage. It was one of those stages that just goes out into the crowd. And to the right and to the left, on each side, there were these tents that she would put up.

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And those tents were VIP-tents. I don't know where they were covered. It was an indoor stadium, but whatever. Okay, all right, whatever. And then they would have a bar and get served food and all this other stuff. And she would invite her celebrity friends and the celebrity friends would sit in those tents.

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That was part of the allure, I think, for being in the stadium, was that you were also going to be around celebrities. That's true. They were going to be in the crowd with you. I didn't think about it until a year later. And then I was like, that was a really smart move on Taylor's part.

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ein kleines Party zusammenstellen, auf jeder Seite des Stadions, deine Celebrity-Freunde zu begrüßen, wo auch immer du gehst. Und dann wollen die Leute in dem Stadion sein, weil sie wissen, dass sie nicht nur Taylor sehen werden, sie werden auch jemanden sehen. Wer ist das Mädchen? Ryan Reynolds' Freundin, die alle hassen? Blake Lively. Blake Lively? Wow, was für ein Schmerz das ist.

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Ansonsten möchte ich nicht auf die Seite gehen. Also, Astrid und ich haben diese wunderschönen Sitzpunkte für den Show. Du kannst Taylor sehen, wie die Weizen ihrer Augen. Sie schaut dich an, wenn sie singt. Es ist so nah. I can't hear a fucking thing because everybody is screaming around me at decibels I've never heard before.

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I'm talking like it made your brain shake kind of loud, like you were next to a 747. It was unbelievable. So I'm doing my best to get along with all the girls in the crowd. And I'm having a good time. And it's Taylor Swift. So, you know, she's pretty. The songs are boppy. The show moves along. Yeah, it was a good show. I liked it. I give it a 7.9 or 8.1. 7.9 to 8.1 out of 10.

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But halfway through, I gotta go pee. I'm down on the floor at the LA whatever the fuck it is. And it's her last show, by the way.

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Her last American show, her last US show. So, you know, Disney's filming it or whatever they're doing. I don't know. So I have to go to the bathroom and I don't know where to go to the bathroom because we're actually on the floor. And so it's not like you can just go up the stairs like you normally wouldn't go to find the public restroom. I'm on the floor.

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And the way we got into the stadium, we had to go like through the bottom of, you know, the players locker room or whatever. So we so I just go to the first door I see and I ask the security guard, where's the restroom? And the security guard says, go through here, right this way. Okay, great. So I go through and then all of a sudden I end up in like a green room, like a bar area.

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Did I tell you this?

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I ended up in the, yeah, like the moon taxi weird place. All of a sudden, I'm in the green room of something. I don't know where I am. And I don't know where the restrooms are. So there's a bunch of people sitting, they're drinking. It's a bar. It's a posh bar. There's a bunch of TVs in there. Everyone's watching Taylor, having a good time. It's very LA-ish.

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The whole crowd, all the girls are dolled up. All the guys are slicked back. You know, there's a lot of money in this room. You can tell. And now I'm completely lost. There's a lot of money in the room, except Brian walked in and reduced the average balance of everyone's bank account by $100,000. Yes. Yes.

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My Platinum American Express expired three years ago, but I still carry it just in case I want to whip it out and go, oh no, I don't want to use that one. I want to use my Merrick Bank prepaid credit card. I don't want to burn out the Amex. Let me use my... Do you take MasterCard prepaid Walmart?

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So here I am in the middle of this room, like dumped out into the middle of this room. And I'm like, I turned to the left and there is a lady that's standing there. Oh, right.

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Oh, hey, Haim. Hey, Haim. You guys, you girls, did a great job. That was one of the better... I just said, that was one of the better opening acts I've ever seen. That was great. So much energy. And they were like, oh, thanks. Thanks so much. Thank you very much. And then I'm just standing there because the girl has now gone down some extra hallway that I don't know.

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The girl I was following is now gone. And I'm like... Sorry to bother. Do you know where the restrooms are? You're asking Haim. And like Haim's manager is, it's like four of them. There's like a manager standing there who's like, we're gonna go here, we're gonna do this. You know, she's like giving them the scoop on whatever there's next. And then one of the Haim girls goes,

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And now Hames' manager is taking me to the restroom. So now I'm walking down the guts of the L.A. Coliseum or whatever it is. The Forum? Not the Forum. I don't know, the Rams or whatever. The Chargers, who fucking cares? SoFi Stadium, excuse me. SoFi, yeah, that's right. So I'm walking and I go to the bathroom. I use like this private bathroom. So I go to this private bathroom. I use it.

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And then I open the door. And for the life of me, cannot remember which way I came in. Cause I was like, no, I just saw him. So I'm all confused. Now I'm in the back of some green room guts on backstage. I don't know what's going on. And so I take a left and I'm supposed to take a right. I take a left. I open the door.

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Cause there's like, you know, three hallways and you can go through a door in each one. And so I just go to the left and I open the door. And there I am in this huge garage area and all of the Taylor Swift people with their headsets, the buses, everybody standing there. The crew. But no one is standing there to tell Brian Greene, who has no pass whatsoever, that you in fact cannot be back here.

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I am now back under the guts of the SoFi Stadium with all of the crew, her buses, her trailers, her everything. And I'm like, wow. Wow. Cool. And in the corner, there is a merch table. And that merch table, they are packing up merch. I can see them packing up t-shirts and stuff like this.

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Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the Commercial Breaks Endless Day. I'm Brian Green, this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

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Well, if you tried to get into a merch table outside of the garage of the SoFi Stadium, it was an hour and a half wait. It was line after line after line. Everyone was waiting in line for days to get Taylor Swift merch. Und Astrid war sehr enttäuscht, weil sie etwas wollte, aber wir waren mit uns selbst rechtlich. Wir werden nicht drei warten. Wir würden lieber das Show sehen.

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Wir können ein T-Shirt online kaufen. Aber jetzt bin ich zurück hier und ich bin so, oh, ich wundere mich, ob ich da hochgehen kann. Und es gibt niemanden da, übrigens. Niemand. Und die Leute packen Sachen in diese sehr schönen Taschen. Ich kann sie einfach packen sehen. Aber es ist eine Merchtable, klar. Also gehe ich hoch und sage, hey, äh. Can I buy something?

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And the girl, there's like two girls back there and one girl's got a headset on and the one girl looks at the other girl with the headset on and she's like, can you buy something? And then the girl's like, can you buy something? Can a guy who had to go to pee, can you buy something? Yeah, no, he doesn't look threatening. His credit score is 500.

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So the lady's like, sure, you know, oh, okay. And so I'm texting Astrid furiously. What do you want? Taking pictures. What do you want? You know, hurry up. Meanwhile, this girl's like, you know, da da da da. And while I'm waiting for Astrid to respond, I can see that they're putting names on the tags.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Got a little pep in our step, moving right along on TCB's Endless Day.

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It's the celebrity gift bags. They're packing up celebrity gift bags. So I go, oh, are you like packing up celebrity gift bags, like, you know, stuff for celebrities and stuff? She goes, yeah, we'd make these little gift bags that, you know, we give to some of the friends and some of the people that show up. And I was like, oh, cool. Do you have my name on one of those?

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Not a bit of irony in her face. She goes, no.

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Okay. I just saw Haim. Haim knows me. Du warst der Hero. And I was the hero for the night. I said, hey, Astrid, she didn't like the T-shirt, but at least I bought her one. So whatever. And then the night goes on and the whole thing. But it just was unbelievable that I managed to get past all of Taylor Swift's security to get back to her buses or whatever in the garage. I'm not surprised.

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It doesn't surprise me either. I'm an idiot like that. I stumble my way into situations and then I just look friendly, I guess, or I can talk. So people just kind of go, whatever. He's not gonna shoot up the place, that's clear. Look at that guy's belly. He's not shooting up anything. That guy never spent a day in his life in the military.

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Super excited. Yeah, number two. Well, number three, actually.

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Season number two, speaking of music, season number two also came with all the accoutrements that you would expect, including Brian telling the world something I hadn't mentioned in a decade.

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Ja, genau. All of them have phallic names, by the way.

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There you go. So if you hear us talking about 33P, that's what it is. My high school band. My high school band and I, just a collection of a couple of guys that knew relatively how to play instruments. One really talented guitarist and bassist named Dan. One... Pretty damn good drummer named Mike, bassist who left us after the first practice. And then we had to get a kid.

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TCB's Endless Day #2: Rachel Bloom

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On this episode of the Commercial Break.

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TCB's Endless Day #2: Rachel Bloom

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The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

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We actually had to take her to... Because I'm like... I have to clear everything in the world for this to happen. I have to get babysitters and put the dog away. And Astrid is ordering groceries. Like we're hostages or something.

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And I'm like, I cannot do this. I cannot do this if Blue is barking in the background. I just can't do it. And Astrid says, let's just take her to the play place. And I'm like, perfect idea. Leave her there until I wake up on Wednesday. If you don't mind, please. Actually, Blue was really sweet last night. Me and Blue had a sweet moment together. She was really sweet. She came in.

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She was running around my wires as she does. And I'm like, Blue, stop. You're gonna knock stuff over. She like runs into the wires, gets caught in them and then pulls them out. But she runs into the wires and I'm like, Blue, stop. And she comes over and she jumps on my lap, right? And she starts rubbing her head against my leg. I think it was to get the dirt out of her eye. But you know what?

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It was a sweet moment and I'll take them where I can get them. Everyone's in a blue moon. I'm reminded of why we love Blue so much. And that is because she can be a very sweet dog. 99% of the time, complete dum-dum. Sometimes she's okay. But here's what I can say about Blue. She has been with us for every episode of the commercial break. And of any other person that's been here.

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Any other thing that's been here. Brian and Blue have been on every episode of the commercial break. There's a bark in there somewhere. You gotta check, but there's a bark in there somewhere. So, I love you. Congratulations on five years.

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All the memories, all the things. We're gonna go through as much of it as we can today. We're gonna start, we're gonna go season by season. We're gonna do six, maybe seven episodes, depending. We possibly will go live on Twitch, YouTube, maybe TikTok later on. Go to at the commercial break on Instagram. Bis zum nächsten Mal. Ja. Ja. Ja.

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Wir werden sehen, wie der Rest des Tages geht. Wir feiern fünf Jahre des kommerziellen Abbruchs. 700, und wenn wir mit diesem Tag fertig sind, 72 Episoden. Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017 Ja.

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So, 5-Hour-Energy, 5-Hour-Energy.com, limited commercial interruptions only, one commercial break.

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They do. We've got a bunch of boxes here, so thank you to 5-Hour-Energy.

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We have enough. And they were going to send us more. And then I was talking to one of the guys at Odyssey the other day and I was like, it's okay, it's okay, we got it, we got it. Yeah, we got it covered. Odyssey is our network. Thank you very much. Covert Creative is doing all of our public relations. And Bella at CTB. Bella, Joanna, Antoine at CTB. They have booked all of the guests today.

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Tom Papa, Tig Notaro, Reggie Watts, Rachel Bloom, Michael Ian Black, who was fantastic. You got to listen to that episode. You have to listen to that episode. You will understand why about halfway through, but you have to listen to that episode. All of those are coming up. Here's a little bit about the minutia. Chrissy and I are recording this on the day that you're listening to this.

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But the guest episodes were recorded earlier because we didn't want to subject our guests to our bullshit, to our technical bullshit.

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Es ist ungefähr eine Stunde lang. Also wir machen das um neun Uhr morgens. Du hörst es um zehn Uhr morgens. Und so weiter und so fort. Nachher vielleicht nehmen wir ein paar Telefonnummern. Texte uns 212-433-3TCB. Wieder auf der Kommerzialpause auf Instagram. Wenn du uns auf Instagram schauen möchtest, machen wir ein Live später. Vielleicht.

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Ich will dir nichts über das Live versprechen, weil vielleicht entscheiden wir uns einfach, auf das zu zahlen, weil wir müde sind.

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Sie werden ihre erste Introduktion zu der Kommerzialpause bekommen. Chad, one of our listeners said, I have a strong suspicion you never wrote this in the book. And I was like, it never went in the notebook. It did not. The 12 days of TCB and the 12 hours of TCB, which is called TCB's Endless Day now, those didn't go in the notebook and that's why we're doing it.

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Actually, none of them ever got done. Not one. We're going to make a special sticker over the next couple of weeks. TCB's Endless Day sticker. Go to the website, tcbpodcast.com. Put your information in the contact us button and we'll put you on the list. If you've listened to every episode of the commercial break, yes, there will be a pop quiz.

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If you have, I may or may not have something special for you. So write in at the website or write in on the phone call. Okay, one more thing. 988 is a mental health crisis hotline. If you or anybody you know are in mental health crisis, you need help, you can't get out of bed, you know what it is.

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Whatever it is for you, whatever that means for you, if you are in crisis, even if you don't have the resources, the financial resources to get yourself the help you think you may need, 988. Dial it, text it. Someone is there 24 hours a day, English or in Espanol, and they can help you. We have all been through it. We have all been there. It's the last day of Mental Health Awareness Month.

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Chrissy and I feel strongly that we will be crazy by the end of this day. But we also feel strongly that even sane people go crazy sometimes. And we all can use a helping hand. So, this is what I'm going to do. We're going to be tight on the timeline here, obviously, because we've got to stick to it. So, we are going to take a very short break, as long as I can figure out what I'm doing here.

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This is our first one. So, we're going to take a very short break here, a little liner, a little announcement from our sponsor, 5-Hour Energy, and then we'll be back.

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Do you know what our second episode of the commercial break was?

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Shama-Lama-Ding-Dong. That is right. If you remember at the time during Coronavirus, there was a preacher who became... I guess infamous is the word? Was ist das, notorious? Yeah, sure. Kenny Copeland. Kenny Copeland is the guy who was begging people for more money because he needed to buy his third, not his second, his third private jet.

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He could blow the coronavirus away and he told the tornado to turn backwards and it did. Kenny Copeland is the epitome. ... of shithead TV preachers. He looks like the devil incarnate. If you can google a picture... I don't like to make fun of people's looks too much, but Kenny Copeland is really a scary looking human being. He has a look. He has a look and it looks like the devil.

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That's what it looks like. And he is a very rich, a filthy rich televangelist. Und er hat seinen Segen und seine Worte verbreitet und seine Scheiße verbreitet. Für einen langen, langen, langen, langen Zeit. Und Chrissy und ich haben ein paar Fotos auf unserem zweiten Episode, Saison 1, zweites Episode des Shows, wo wir durch Clips ging. Ich werde es nie vergessen.

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Ich habe die Clips durch den Telefon gespielt. Ich habe die Clips durch den Telefon ins Mikrofon gespielt. Das ist... How advanced the commercial break was on episode number two.

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Yeah, now we play him through the TV. We went and reviewed a bunch of clips of his. And I still to this day find a lot of... I get a lot of joy out of listening to that episode, because it really is funny. Because he has this guy that runs behind him, and the guy is like a hype guy. So Kenny Copeland would be, I'm gonna blow the coronavirus away in the name of the Lord.

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And the guy in the background is like, he's talking in tongue, hyping up Kenny. It's like Public Enemy. He's the flavor flame for Kenny Copeland. It is so fucking incredibly dumb. And I cannot believe for the life of me that probably mainly older people give this guy money in the millions of dollars every month.

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But what you don't know about Kenny Copeland, I thought about reviewing that particular video, but there's so much new good material in the last five years.

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From him and anyone around him. Kenny Copeland made movies. Drama-Movie. Drama-Action-Thriller-Movies. Really? Yes. He funded them and he was in them. He starred in them. And here is the premise. Kenneth Copeland is a Mexican drug cartel lord. That spreads the good word of the Lord. And there's a rival Mexican drug cartel Lord that is like the bad guy.

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So he's the good guy selling drugs and spreading the word of the Lord. And the other drug Lord is the bad guy because he doesn't spread the word of the Lord. It is the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard. But not only is there one of these movies, there's a part two. There's The Rally with Kenneth Copeland and The Rally L.A. It's like NCIS. They made different versions of it.

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Hey, listen, once you... Hence the commercial break, right? Am I right? Yeah, who am I to be talking? Okay, so they did it to download the movie and to play it. It was a little complicated. And quite frankly, that I have to watch it. Right. And I refuse to put money in Kenny's pocket.

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But I did find a special that they made on one of his channels where they played the trailer and did this whole thing.

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Oh my God, Chrissy, this is crazy. The Mexican accent on Kenneth.

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One of my favorite states. I love it, love it, love it. But just like Florida, and in a lot of ways, Atlanta's got its own problems too. Everyone here is a movie producer, like Chrissy and I were talking about. We all have our own things, depending on where you're from. But Florida and Texas seems to be a hotbed for these kooks to spread their word and get money.

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Ich bin nicht zurück auf ein regelmäßiges Episode bis am 31. Juli. Ich bin heute Morgen in Starbucks gegangen, ein bisschen früher als ich normalerweise am Samstag auftrete. Und die Crew hat bemerkt, wie früh ich da war.

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Okay, let's go through this real quick.

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Oh yeah, it's always for Christ. The Mexican Drug Lord movie for Christ. Okay, now this is a special announcing the movie. So this is not the movie itself. Just FYI.

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The producer and director of the movie does this special. I know. Look at all these people. They're in a trance. They're absolutely in a trance. I guess maybe I'm a little jealous. I wish I could get that into anything. Do you know what I'm saying?

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I'm jealous of the money that Kenny... I would like to have an airplane too. But then I guess I'd love to show up somewhere. I mean, I guess I have a few times, but there were a lot of narcotics involved.

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Your tantric glasses. That's right. Rally TV Starring Jabroni Okay, let's fast forward through all this hype. When you make your intro too long, it's too much. A word just for you. Okay, here they are.

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You know, we are excited. Eric Roberts is involved. I forgot to mention the name. Yes, it's Kenneth Copeland versus Eric Roberts. What happened to Eric Roberts? He used to be a guy you'd want to watch on a movie. Not anymore.

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Wait, hold on, let me get this straight. God came down through you and decided to give you a message to make a movie about Mexican drug cartels that spread the word of the Lord so that I know I don't have to be stuck in anything? Was zur Hölle geht hier?

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's most successful actor to star in a movie alongside Kenneth Copeland. Now I know exactly what happened here. You know what happened, Chrissy? This Tweedledee here, Tweedledee and Tweedledum, came to Kenneth Copeland and they said, we want to make a movie. And since you have a lot of money, will you be the executive producer? To which Kenneth Copeland said, absolutely. If I can star in it.

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Ich liebe es, wenn ich zu einem Film gehe und mich wirklich mit dem mexikanischen Drogelords-Kartell verbinde. Und bei Select, meinst du die, die in deiner Kirche sind? Ist das das, was du meinst?

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Das ist der L.A., das ist der zweite. Chrissy, das ist der nächste Fast & Furious. Ich sage es dir.

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Nothing like buying 30 minutes of airtime on some off-brand UHF channel to then go ahead and pitch pastors throughout the country to show your Mexican drug lord movie inside of their church.

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And so I just sat at the end of the little bar there for a second, drinking coffee, having breakfast, which I never do, never have breakfast, but I thought, I better get some breakfast in me or I'm gonna put out. Yeah, get a little fuel for the rest of the day. And so I told you that like there was one or two people, I think, that are on.

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That means more money, jingle, jingle in my pocket. That means Kenny funds number three. We're going to be showing you the Rally LA Movie Traders.

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Do you think if you get cast in this movie, let's say you're a struggling actor or actress, or you're just an actor or an actress, and you're doing your thing out there in L.A., you're waitressing, you've got a side job, whatever it is, you show up to the casting call, the guy calls you back, the girl calls you back and says, hey, you got the part, and you're really excited, and then you find out that you're in the rally L.A.

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with Kenneth Copeland and Eric Roberts, do you think that's, you say, well, just like the commercial break, you say, well, I tried, right?

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Yeah, true.

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Okay, all right. I'm taking a picture of this and putting it on. I'm taking a picture of this. I'm putting it on Instagram. Kenneth Copeland. He's Mexican-Italian. He's Mexican-Italian. He's a part Godfather, part Narcos. I should have done 20 years ago.

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Oh, Rick, the director stars in his own movie.

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I know they're on to it because they've said they're on to it. They know that I do the commercial break. But by and large, no one ever talks to me about it. Like they don't ask me about it. I don't get a lot of questions. And so my impression was that it was just this one or two people that knew. And even one of the guys said, hey, I won't say anything to anybody.

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I can guarantee you, should we watch the movie... And maybe we will. Maybe we do a special where we just watch the entire movie. I guarantee you, Chrissy, they don't even have enough money to do a second take on the film. So they just take the first take and these are the... I mean, God bless these actors and actresses.

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I'm sure some of them have nothing to do with Kenneth Copeland and they're just trying to make it in the world. I don't want to bust on their chops. They have to make a living too. But this is terrible acting. Look at the camera. It's tilted sideways. It looks like a camera in the commercial break studios. It does. Nothing like a movie about God, where they shoot someone directly in the head.

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There's a change coming to this town. But if you try to mess the way the business around here...

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So let me get this straight. Kenneth Copeland, Druglord, who's going to spread the good word, change things on the mean streets of LA. Eric Roberts, Druglord, who just wants to keep people taking his product. And also people die from getting shot in the head and some girls screaming, I won't let you in!

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Listen, there's got to be a twist in every movie, right? This is Coen Brothers level twists and turns. You hear me? I will take you out.

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Warte, lass uns die Anzahl der Sekunden zählen, wenn er, wenn, oh. Lass uns die Anzahl der Sekunden zählen. Oh, warte, warte einen Moment. Oh, jetzt habe ich es vermischt. Oh, großartig, Brian. Jetzt hast du es vermischt. Jetzt hast du es vermischt. Oh, nein. Oh, nein. Oh, nein. Okay, hold on one second. Oh no, what happened? Oh, I wanted to see the rest of that trailer.

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Damn it, Brian, now you've gone and messed it all up. I tried to get funny with it and now I messed it all up. I think you get the gist of it, Chrissy.

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Okay, hold on one second. It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. How are you going to make a movie trailer? How are you going to make a movie about a Mexican drug cartel? And you are like a preacher of a neo-Christian church? I just don't get it. Okay, here we go. Hold on one second. Okay, now I'm going to...

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And I'm like, well, it's not that big of a deal. I just don't want to talk about my podcast at Starbucks. Right. This is one of those things that I don't want to do. I talk about it all fucking day long. I don't want to talk about it here. Okay, so then there's this lovely manager lady who's been there since the day that I walked in the door.

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Let's get that straight. Kenneth said, I need somebody else who can do a great Mexican accent. Eric Roberts, call in the man for the job. Out.

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Oh, I think I get the premise of this now.

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Okay. Old drug cartel guy gets out of jail. He probably went to jail in the last movie. He gets out of jail. He wants to spread the good word of the Lord. They're going to put a rally together, hence the name The Rally LA. Eric Roberts is determined to stop the rally from happening because the drug addicts will show up and they'll be changed forever and he'll lose business.

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So he's going to put a hit on Eric Reina, the director, producer, lighting guy, cameraman... Er ist zu spät für dich.

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Yeah, Kenneth's got the Bible in his hand. I guarantee the Bible stops the bullet. We have to watch the movie now. That's just it. I have to watch the movie. Now I'm so intrigued.

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She's been there since the store opened, which is like, I don't know, a decade ago. So, she's a very lovely human being. We always have a small or nice conversation every time I go in. So I kind of know her, she kind of knows me. She's in there making the drinks with a couple of other people. It's very early, it's not very busy.

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No, that was the most disjointed piece of shit I've ever seen. Rick Reina or Eric Reina, whatever your name is. In the five years since we last saw Kenneth Copeland, he has gone from extremely strange televangelist, blowing coronavirus away, turning tornadoes in the other direction, speaking in tongues to

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Often farting in church. There's whole videos out there of him actually farting. It's not the farting preacher. That's a different one. That's a classic. That's hilarious. But actually farting in church. He went from that to movie actor in LA. Do you think, Chrissy, I have a question for you. Do you think that Kenneth Copeland in his wildest dreams goes to bed at night and imagines Ja.

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Ich denke so. Warum nicht? Er ist auch enttäuscht. Er ist enttäuscht. Er denkt, er könnte den Coronavirus wegwerfen. Ja. Kenneth Copeland in this movie moves in and out of the accent and no one has bothered to make sure that it's correct.

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You know when you see those movies, like they have the, you know you go to like YouTube, I don't know if you've ever seen this, but you can go to YouTube and you can look at some of your favorite movies and they have continuity problems. Like the Dunkin' Donuts Cup that was in the Lord of the Rings finale. Somebody had left a Dunkin' Donuts Cup on one of the sets. You mean Game of Thrones?

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Game of Thrones, I'm sorry.

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Lord of the Rings. Nicht Lord of the Rings. Ja, ich kann dir garantieren, dass es keine Kontinuierungsprobleme gibt. Aber, du weißt, da gibt es das. Ich bin ein Stickler für Kontinuierungsprobleme.

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Ja, es gibt manchmal mehrere Menschen. Ich kann das in der Television und in Filmen immer sehen. Es macht Astrid verrückt, weil sie sagt, es bricht den Allure von dem Film oder was auch immer. So, I can guarantee you, if we went and watched this movie, it would be continuity issue after continuity issue after continuity.

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They'd be like different colored t-shirts in the same, you know, in the same shot, moving in and out of the accent, different guns, different people, maybe playing the same character.

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You know, when we were kids, they used to have these, what they would call B-Movies. The movies were so terrible that they were good. They were like 50s, 60s and 70s movies that were made for a couple hundred thousand dollars or less than that. And then they became cult classics in the 90s and 2000s. And we would all watch them, like Mystery Science Theater and stuff like that.

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We would watch them and get the biggest kick out of it because it was so terrible, it ended up being funny. I have to imagine that the Rally LA is going to hold a place in people's hearts at some point for just being the shittiest fucking movie you've ever seen. It's so bad, it's good kind of television. We should read reviews about the Rally LA.

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Sitting at the end of the bar and I start wrapping up, putting my trash away and getting ready to go. And she goes, hey, Brian. I hope you get some time to yourself today. I hope you get a break. And I said, oh, okay, thank you. And she goes, I know you got a long day ahead of you.

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I wonder if any serious reviewer has reviewed the rally.

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I don't know if they submitted it to Sundance, but I bet Kenny Flew is playing there. Fucker. Kenneth Copeland. If you give your money to Kenneth Copeland, I don't want to know you. I really don't. I'm being dead serious about that. It's just too much for me to know. Alright, listen. One down, 11 to go. Yes, 11 hours. We did it. All right. A little slow start.

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I had to get the juices working, but I feel like we're in it now. We're going to flip right around and do another one for you. This is your 10 a.m. serving of the commercial break. We'll have an 11 o'clock and then a 12 o'clock. We'll be back right in your ears.

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Ja, ich denke so. Vielen Dank. So four. So four. So, four. No, between the three and five o'clock. Meaning call between those two hours. You see what I'm saying?

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During those two hours. Call. And we'll have the phone here. Maybe we'll answer. Maybe we won't. Maybe we'll go live. Maybe we won't.

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Tune in to see. But I think we will. At the commercial break on Instagram, you must follow us to get that Twitch information. Like it's a secret. Ja, vielleicht sprechen wir später. Goodbye! Goodbye!

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It's official. I have to find a new coffee shop.

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They do. Thank God. I wouldn't want, if they started calling the paparazzi and stuff, I think that would be rather bothersome.

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Yeah, I don't even like when Astrid comes in here and takes a picture. She's like, let me take a picture of you guys. And I'm like, I don't like that. I don't want that. I want to be in my own little bubble here.

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The good news is, no one's listening to this fucking show. So the truth is that I think the people at Starbucks are the only people who know about our dumb little show. So, five years. What did you expect? What did you not expect? What has surprised you along the way?

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What did you expect at the beginning?

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I know, seriously.

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But I'd like to applaud you for saying it out loud that I am a hero.

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I'm the hero that everyone didn't know they needed. But here I am on the commercial break just starting a podcast.

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It's been all the things.

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I asked a couple of days ago, who has listened to the commercial break, every single episode of the commercial break? And a number of people texted in and said, I've listened to every episode. There's a couple that said they started a couple months after we started the show.

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And then there's a lot that said, I started at some point, you know, a couple of years in, but I went backwards and I listened to all of the episodes. That's crazy to think that you've listened to 770 episodes of The Commercial Break, but thank you very much. But origin story for those who don't know, I started this show as a... When my wife... I think she just got sick of hearing me talk.

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We didn't have children at the time.

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Incessantly rambling or on the phone talking about commercial real estate. I just never stopped talking. This is my personality. You know, because you listen to The Commercial Break. So... Astrid sagte, ich denke, du würdest wirklich gut sein, wenn du einen Video-Vlog machst, einen YouTube-Kanal.

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Und du könntest es über kommerzielle Realität machen, weil du scheinbar nie aufhören musst, fucking zu sprechen über kommerzielle Realität. Und ich dachte mir, ich will nicht vor der Kamera sein. Ich wollte wirklich nicht vor der Kamera sein. Ich mag den Mikrofon. Den Mikrofon fühle ich mich komfortabel mit, weil ich denke, ich habe ein Gesicht für Radio.

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Und ich bin einfach nicht so interessiert, mich anzusehen. Ich bin beinahe interessiert, mich zurückzuhören. But I do talk a lot. So I say, okay, listen, hey, maybe and a week later, a thousand dollars worth of camera equipment, microphones and, you know, microphone stands and all this shit shows up at the front door. And she's like, let's do this.

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And so we actually recorded a couple of episodes where I talked about commercial real estate. It's so bad. Riveting, riveting content. I'm not going to make you suffer for that. We did that one time and I went back and listened to that recently. It is terrible. Listening to us listen to it is terrible. So I do this like, you know, 30-minute long show, a couple of them.

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I put them in the can and they never go anywhere. A year later in, I think it was December or January of 2020, I Our friend Allison Hare, shout out to Allison.

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Makes a Facebook post that Astrid notices. And it is, I am doing a podcast, have been doing a podcast for about a year. I'd like to teach others how to do a podcast. If you're interested in joining a class that I'm going to put together, like a little group I'm going to put together on how to launch a podcast, let me know. So I did that. I joined that.

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Astrid, again, you know, pushed me out of the nest, pushed a little bird out of the nest. Und sagte, hey, mach das. Und so habe ich das gemacht. Ich bin in diesem Gruppen eingegangen. Ich wusste technisch, was zu tun, aber ich hatte nicht die Motivation, es da rauszubekommen.

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Und so in dem, was da kam, war der Name der Kommerzialbranche und war die Idee, dass ich nie mehr mehrere Episoden über die Kommerzial-Einrichtungs-Game machen könnte. Weil hier ist ein kleiner Hinweis für alle, die Kinder da draußen sind. In dem Fall, dass du nicht weißt, Commercial Real Estate is a really slick, shady, shitty, secret on secret on secret type of business.

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People do not want you talking about their commercial real estate ventures because half of them are likely illegal. I mean, it's just the way that it is. It's just a weird business. It's just a weird business. A lot of money flows in and out of it. And me talking, first of all, it's boring. I don't want to, who the fuck cares about commercial real estate?

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I guess people in commercial real estate, but that's a different story for a different time. But second of all, who wants to hear Brian talk about commercial real estate ventures? So I decided, okay, I could do a comedy podcast. I could just sit and talk and be funny, grab news headlines and be funny. But I didn't want to do that by myself. Ring, ring, Chrissy Hoadley.

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Hey Chrissy, can you join me for the first couple of these so that at least I have someone to talk to, like someone to bounce ideas off of, someone to laugh if it's funny, someone not to laugh if it's not funny, so I know which direction I'm heading in. So Chrissy says, sure, because in that moment when I first called Chrissy, People were getting sick on the West Coast.

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They were getting sick from this. No one knew what it was. 20 cases turned into 200 cases, turned into 500 cases of coronavirus. People were passing away. It was getting a little hairy and a little scary. So Chrissy and I decided, okay, let's not take the chance. Plus, at that time, I think you were like, I'm not going to drive all the way up to where you are.

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OTP, outside the perimeter. If you live in Atlanta, you know what that means. Outside the circle, the highway that's called the perimeter highway.

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It's a true story. You know, I never really thought about it that way. Is that when the two of us got married, we certainly weren't out Viermal pro Woche. Trinken, uns aus der Bar zu drücken. Ich habe dich sicher nicht aus einem Braves-Spiel ausgetragen, nachdem du verheiratet wurdest. Das war Jeffs Verantwortung.

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Genau. Ja, wir haben nicht mehr zusammengearbeitet.

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So I said, join me for the first couple of these. We record right as the COVID is getting scary for everybody. You remember that moment in time, March of 2020. And by the time we put out our first, it took me one month to Ja, genau. Dass es nicht nur nicht existiert auf dem RSS-Feed, du kannst es nirgendwo finden. Ich denke nicht, dass ich es in der Sentenz gehalten habe.

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Ich weiß, das ist ein bisschen traurig, weil auch wenn es schrecklich ist, wie die 33 Penis-Songs sind schrecklich, aber ich habe es geschafft, einige davon zu halten. Weißt du, ich hätte es für die Posterität gehalten. Es muss irgendwo sein. Jemand hat es. Wenn es auf dem Internet ging, hat jemand es, richtig? Es muss irgendwo sein.

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No, no, no. Are we doing it now?

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In case you're one of the six people that's out there. So, one episode a week. turned into two episodes a week, turned into three, turned into four. The ball just started rolling. We got approached by a network so they could sell some ads in our show. That went great for like a year.

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Und jetzt, und dann hat sich das einfach in ein Geschäft geändert, und jedes Mal, wenn man etwas in ein Geschäft verändert, nimmt es einen anderen Ton und eine andere Textur, dass in der Studio, es ist immer noch Spaß, außerhalb der Studio, es hat alle die Stress und Gewinne und Verluste, die jeder andere Entrepreneur oder kleine Business fühlt.

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Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome to TCB's Endless Day. I'm Brian Green, this is Chrissy Hoadley. Best to you, Chrissy.

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Es gibt Ups, es gibt Downs, es gibt komplette Kicks in die Kartoffeln, es gibt Leute, die dich bezahlen, Leute, die nicht, Leute, die du bezahlst, Leute, die du nicht, ich meine, es gibt viele Dinge. Das geht in einem kleinen Geschäft weiter, das es zu einem anderen Niveau nimmt. Aber jetzt ist es ein Geschäft. Das ist, was wir tun. Wir haben einige Gewinne gehabt.

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Wir haben einen gewissen Niveau von Erfolg gehabt. Ich habe jemanden am anderen Tag gefragt. Ich vergesse, wer ich gesprochen habe. Jemand in der Podcast-Industrie. Und sie sagten, ich sehe den Kommerzabbruch als einen echten Erfolg von einer independenten Podcast-Industrie. Yeah, with the level of notoriety.

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Aber du bist in diesem süßen Ort, wo du einer der wenigen bist, die das für ein Leben tun können. Und ich erklärte ihnen, dass die einzige Grund, warum wir das für ein Leben tun können, ist, weil wir so viel davon machen. Das ist die einzige Grund. Warum denkst du, wir machen zwölf Episoden in einem Tag? Es ist fucking verrückt. Aber ich muss das sagen. It's been sweet. It's been sour.

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TCB's Endless Day #1

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It's been all the things in between. We've had so many people that have worked with us and for us and around us that have been great. Christina and Tina and all these people.

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TCB's Endless Day #1

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Sounds totally unnatural to do the opening that way. Ich werde das nicht wieder tun. Ich werde nur eine regelmäßige Öffnung machen. Ja, ich habe das nicht gefallen. Ich habe nicht gefallen, wie das ausgelöst wurde. Aber willkommen zu TCB's Endless Day Against All Odds. Ich denke, wir haben dieses erste Mal geöffnet.

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Yes, that's true. All 30 of my children have been born during the pandemic. Well, I had the first one. Yeah, but then the rest of them came over the last five years. The pregnancies.

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TCB's Endless Day #1

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And now they're little money goblin food eating pee pee poo poo little turds.

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Projectile vomiting little turds. It takes like 15 minutes to get them out of the studio. I'm like, okay, we gotta go. We got a timeline to occur. Nico was here.

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And he was dead long before his body actually went away. He smelled like a corpse. You think I'm joking about this. I'm really not. Blue, the dog who will live forever, is still here. I guarantee in five years from now, you and I are going to do another one of these stupid, stunty ideas for our tent. And Blue is still going to be barking outside.

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I get this. My personal opinion is you can't be as...

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talented at what you do and it just seems to come so natural the animations the voices that you go in and out of the comedic style that you have i think is just like you're born with that and now you pr you can practice it and people can help it kind of bloom right by being around other people who have certain sensibilities they can share and you learn and all that but that's something you're born with art is this was this in you always did you feel like this

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sense of these comic sensibilities, this timing was always part of who you were?

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Yeah, I think, you know, I forget who said this, but it's like, you know, 10,000 hours, right? There's an old saying, 10,000 hours to become a master, an expert, the people who do things in this world the best have on average 10,000 hours of doing what they do. I think... When you're as gifted as you are comically and as an actress, it's like that energy is there.

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It's just either stuck inside or it's very wily and you don't know what to do with it until you start to get those hours, get those reps under your belt. I mean, Chrissy and I are... 38,000 hours into this podcast.

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And I've said this to her before, and I mean it, and I think it's true, and it'll probably be true 1,000 hours from now, but I don't think until episode number 400 did I actually feel like we knew what the fuck we were doing.

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Yeah, it's just reps, you know? It's getting in there and trying to figure out what works and what your voice is, like what's the personality of the show.

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And those two things... I think if you're not creative or you're not in a creative endeavor, it sounds like, well, that's silly. Your voice is your voice. Not really. It takes a lot of time to figure out how you convey that appropriately or how you use that energy in a way. I love your type of storytelling because it's just... I don't know. To me, it scratches an itch in comedy.

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Get out early on Wednesday and you don't go back to work till Monday. It's just lovely. I love it. I love it. A five-day weekend.

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There's other storytellers out there that do this really well also. I think of like Kyle Kinane or some of these other people. They're really good at this, but you're extraordinarily talented at taking your life and turning it into something really funny and entertaining. Do you fear family get-togethers sometimes because you use all the material?

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That's right. If you want it. If you want it. If you want it. If you don't, you're probably listening to the commercial break. Your family has left you or you've left them. And you're like, I really need something.

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It's like writing a season of television. It's like writing a season of Breaking Bad for your special. It's like themes within the themes, keeping people entertained. But at the end, you know, it always comes back around.

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That's a great ability, honestly. But you go out on the road a lot and I'm sure that that's where you say, okay, I have this idea. Let me see if I can punch it for the next five minutes and I'll take notes in my head about what's landing and what's not. Do you still, when you get up in front of an audience at like a small club and you're working on new material, do you still have that fear of,

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the train coming off the tracks, I guess.

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Sam Murill says the exact same thing. He says, listen, the worst part about being a comedian is that... He can't play the hits. Yeah, unlike Guns N' Roses, I can't play Sweet Child of Mine every time. I know. That's why people come. If they see my special, it's old. They no longer want to hear it. They expect something new.

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to undepress me from my depressing family let us be that uh with fortune she'll be here in just a few minutes i was just reading you know she's in that new uh netflix television show foobar yes with arnold schwarzenegger it's like an action comedy and i started watching a few of the episodes in anticipation of fortune being here and it's really funny and arnold is just he's naturally gifted at being the straight man you know what i'm saying yeah

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Yeah, I think...

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but I see what you're saying like when you first go out there and you're working on material okay you've you know you spent the last whatever however many days or weeks or whatever writing this out in my head this feels good it's got a flow to it I'm trying to memorize the beats and the notes so that I can at least get from point A to point B yeah and at first you're like literally seeing the paper in your head trying to remember those beats and those notes so it doesn't come as naturally and maybe some of the comic timing and the other things the yeah

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accents that you might put on it aren't there yet, but as it starts to get deep into your bones, then you can, it's like improv, it's like the Grateful Dead, right? I know I'm going to go slipknot into Sugar Man. They're just like ripping on these long ass songs. You'll get this as a Charlotte fan. It's like a widespread panic song.

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I know I'm going to go from here to here, but in between, I don't know, I'll throw in some.

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And comedy really is kind of in a golden age, I think, right now. And I've said this before, and I'll give them shit about all of their live shows, Netflix. But Netflix and Amazon, and to some degree, I guess, Max, they've kind of put their weight behind comedians and their... Their success. Yeah. Really, they see this as a vehicle for fresh material that's great content. They can put it out.

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There's multiple different voices.

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And so, therefore, now the comedy is really seeing a huge revival. Yeah. My understanding is, because I was just a kid back then, but my understanding is not since the 80s has comedy really been as hot as it is right now. And you're selling out. Like, I love your Instagram post. It tells where you're going to be for the next five weeks, but then it just says sold out.

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And I sense that he has always wanted to be a comedian. But, you know, his accent and a lot of his size, he's just, that's not what he's built for. But he's really good at playing off people who are comedic. And Fortune is great in this show.

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What's it like to walk out in the Chicago theater? I grew up in Chicago, by the way, so I know the theater well. You walk out on that stage and there's just a throng of people on their feet for you.

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Yeah, I think it's like 3,200 or something like that.

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when you go to the Chicago theater you're at a theater right I mean it's like you're at a theater from 1920 and it's just an experience in and of itself but then the room such majesty and like entertainment royalty has come through that theater for a hundred years yeah okay you're a comedian we know that but really you're also I'm a model you're a model that's right I'm a comedian a model I'm a pragmatic pragmatist um

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But also, you've done very well for yourself acting also. And so tell me, of the two passions, I know that probably comedy pays the bills on a regular basis.

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But acting has got to be also just as exciting. It's kind of a quick hit in and out. You work for whatever, a couple months, or unless you're on a series, you work for a couple months. You make a bucket of money, and then you can take a couple days off.

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You do seem to have kind of this... But that's my favorite version of you is when you're kind of like... I don't want to say clueless, but you're like... So incredibly confident.

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There's like this weird, vulnerable obsolescence here. And I love it. I think you play it so well.

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So, yeah, and she's on like this small little tour, and then we'll talk to her about it.

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Insane, which is great, by the way. I watched the first couple of episodes over the last week. It's really... That's crazy.

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Hundred City.

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He does seem very kind, like when you watch him on interviews. He seems like he's kind. He seems like he's wise. Yeah. You know, I've said that, like, I don't love every bit of Mike Tyson and his life story. He's obviously done some good. I love it.

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No, well, right now she's doing like a smaller, but she just got done with a Hundred City tour. That's unbelievable when you go to a hundred fucking cities. I know. I mean, you would think that would be fun, but I think by city number 20, you're probably like, okay, get me back to my own fucking bed. I mean, you know what I'm saying?

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terrible but when you listen to him now in his older age he seems like he's learned a few things along the way and he doesn't seem pretentious about it right he's not precious about who he is as a person he gets all his foibles and he understands it and Arnold seems very much the same way yeah you can see in his documentary on Netflix you reach an age where you start reflecting on successes and mistakes and he owns a lot of those and

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Wow. Yeah, I think also when you're world famous, like you said, you you do kind of become a politician in a way, right? And whether we like it or not, entertainment in politics is often wrapped up together. And we see that, how that played out in this last election for good, bad, or indifferent.

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But I think once you're a politician of a state, a governor of a state like California, people will always see you as someone who can either fix a problem or be part of a solution, right? I think it's pronounced California. California. Do you think this is like a question to the left? Do you think sometimes that people's names have to do with their destinies?

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Like fortune is a very interesting name. I know you got it from your great grandmother. Is that correct?

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And so it's great-grandmother's maiden name. But there's like the name fortune seems to fit you so well. And it also describes like a little bit of you're like you're a fortunate person. You've probably had your sense of troubles, but you really have had a lot of success also, especially over the last number of years. And I was having this conversation with a friend of mine about three weeks ago.

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Like when I go on vacation, you know, we went to Europe, we went to Spain for a month and some change last year. And by day number 15, I could have used my own bed, even though there were still some exciting parts of the trip. But in that case, I was doing absolutely no work whatsoever. No. When you go on a 100-city tour, you are just killing it all the time out there, you know, working.

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I think sometimes when you name a child, it's almost like that name either comes from the universe or you're placing some kind of destiny on them. I don't want to make it sound all hooky-pooky.

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from Chicago, you're going to be a mediocre podcaster for the rest of your life. No. What a name fortune. Do you feel fortunate to have the name fortune?

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absolutely I think that's that's a such a lovely and endearing story and like your grandmother knew you were fortunate before you knew you were fortunate right she understood it she got it for some reason whatever the universe talking sometimes I think our doors are open to the universe even though we don't know what the fuck is coming out of us until many years later or maybe not even at all and it's just like you know that's just one of those stories that I think indicates that there are greater forces at work a lot of times you know there are

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Energetic shepherds in life, yeah.

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We'll talk to her about it. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know, Chrissy, just so you know if I happen to be moody over the next couple of weeks, it's because I've started dipping my toe back in the news water. I have started to watch a little bit of news. I had to turn on that morning Joe and see what Joe and everybody was so up in arms.

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I think you two have a very unique voice. You've never been, at least not in your public life, like since you've been, you know,

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been notable for entertaining people you've always been who you are you're always saying it out loud and you probably like you do have a path and I would imagine that path is intersecting with so many other paths and you're affecting those people in ways that you you probably will never know and I'm sure you hear it here and there like oh my gosh because of you you know I'm free to be who I am or I tell my own story or I you know I got the confidence but you're so confident about it and funny about it and that

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I mean, I guess we all do this in certain ways. You know, sometimes we get an email here like, oh, because you said this, it told me that I should do that or whatever. And that's the story of humanity. We're all just kind of guiding each other in weird ways that we may not understand. But your voice is amplified.

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And I was like, wait, I think it's a good thing that they're talking. But then I'm listening to Joe and I'm like, no, yeah, you're an idiot. Yeah, you're an idiot.

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I don't take it for granted. In that moment, when you're reading those or when you think about those moments happening across the screen or on the other side of whatever, on the other side of a podcast or whatever it is, it's like all the struggle becomes worth it for a second. It's like, okay, this is what I was... I'm obviously here for a reason.

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And if this helped one person or got one person through something... I mean, I remember one time we had somebody write in and said that they were really low. They had a terrible job. Their boss hated them. It was just a really shitty kind of clock in, clock out warehouse job. And they said... I had a moment during the pandemic where I thought this was just it. Like, this is the end.

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And then I found your show for some reason. And I'm 180 episodes in because we have a thousand of them. And I'm 180 episodes in. And it's kept me at least from jumping off the bridge. And I couldn't believe it. First of all, I was like, who the fuck is listening to this show? Second of all, I was like.

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I was like, wow, that is incredible. It's just a silly podcast, but to some people, it intersects with their lives in meaningful ways that you could never understand. And in that moment, every struggle and every shitty show and every tired eye, not like we did Dig Ditches for a living, but it becomes worth it. And it becomes a little bit clear that your voice amplified has...

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40% of us who watched certain channels like CNN and MSNBC and other news stations have turned off the news altogether. The ratings just plummeted. And so they plummeted so far that Rachel Maddow, the star of MSNBC, like they call her... I think they called her like a ratings boner or something.

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I tell my children this, and this is my language, not the one that I use for them, but I said, the world is full of shitheads. We don't need another one. And what I'm saying to them is there's lots of bad in the world. Be the good guy. Be the hero in small interactions and big interactions because there's plenty of negative people. And there's a bad guy around every corner.

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You don't need to be that bad guy, bad girl, whatever. You call them poo-poo heads? Yeah.

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The other day the dog was barking and I just lost it and I was like...

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And I didn't realize my young, young, young daughter was at the other end of the house and she walks out of the hallway and she was like, boo, shut the fuck up.

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Okay, so real quick, before we let you go, Jax, how did, Jax doesn't like the limelight at all. No. Assuming for,

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Yeah, Chrissy wants to have nothing to do with it. If she goes her whole life without anybody recognizing her outside of this studio, that'd be fine.

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Like, unintentionally. Exactly, yeah. And I get it. Like, sitting behind a microphone, it's like, you want to tell a funny story about something that happened during your day, or you want to... I don't know, do something. And then I've also learned there are guardrails, right? You have to protect the people around you because they're not choosing to be behind this microphone.

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And that can be hurtful. And I think in some ways scary. Like, I don't want to be a part of that. Like, does Jax travel with you?

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Somebody referred to as a ratings boner because ratings get hard when she like ratings go high when she shows up. She took a $5 million a year pay cut to stay at MSNBC. First of all, good for her. She knew that, you know, other people needed to get paid and people would probably lose their $5 million is no small bit. But then I learned that she was making 30.

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Yeah, we've, Chrissy and I have had this conversation a lot about like famous people and famous relationships, like two entertainers in a relationship. It's a lot. Yeah, I think we were talking to Poppy Liao about this. She was like, we were talking about if we were in a bunker, what would be your thing, right? If you went down into a bunker and everybody had their lane.

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And we agreed that Poppy and I should never be in the same bunker because we'd just fight for attention.

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Did you get your in? Fortune's brand new special on Netflix, number three. Congratulations. Thank you. Not everyone can say they've got three Netflix specials.

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Do you produce them and then sell them to Netflix? Or at this point, does Netflix come to you and say, give us another hour?

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Well, congratulations.

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December 3rd, which is this upcoming Tuesday. So while you are... I talk about crushed ice.

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Real quick story. So the family wants to go on a vacation right before school starts. It's like a last minute thing, right? Let's go. Let's take the kids and get them the last giggles out or whatever. And the only place that we can find is a place in Panama City Beach at the Margaritaville.

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You don't have to go. Oh, my God. Unfortunate.

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So we walk in, there's these beautiful brand new bungalows, right? They're brand new. They've been open for like a month. And we go in and I'm like, okay, this isn't that bad. I thought Margaritaville, surely I'm in for some kind of special treat, redneck-a-rama. But the places were lovely. And in every bungalow, they had a crushed ice, those little pellets. Come on now.

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They just kept making, it was a whole bucket full of them. Yes, and they had a margarita machine. A cherry limeade with that crushed ice?

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Netflix is a joke.

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our pleasure and of course you're welcome back anytime I tell you what when you get ready to go on the next tour and you need to sell a couple tickets you're welcome to come back oh thank you for sure because I have two pages of questions of which I asked three so there you go and come to Atlanta I love it I will Atlanta's a good a good spot I did the Cobb Center last time yeah that's huge that's huge

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$30 million a year. That's an incredible job. MSNBC, call me. I know I'm not like a noted newscaster and I'm really terrible with facts of any shape or size.

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All right. Fortune, Faith Mason, thank you very much for joining us. We love you, and congratulations on all this success. Thank you, guys.

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Well, thank you to Fortune. We are fortunate to have Fortune come in and share a little, spread a little joy with us.

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She's so sweet, you know? She's so down to earth.

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We've said this about 75% of the guests who are on some meteoric rise, which seems to be the only reason to come to the commercial break. You're either on the way up or on the way down. So let's say 75% of our guests have been on the way up and they're all taking it so well, in stride. Maybe they're learning something. No Brat Packers here. Of course, we didn't have Rob Lowe in 1991.

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That's right.

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Do you remember when Rob Lowe got busted sleeping with some underage girls here in Atlanta after going to Club Anytime or something? Wasn't it Club Anytime or Backstreet or one of those? Rob's learned the lesson.

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Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Jose Diaz Ballard. Jose Diaz bullshit. I mean, that guy is just terrible. I'm sorry, Jose. I'm sure you were great wherever you came from. I think you came from Univision, if I'm not mistaken. I'm sure you were wonderful wherever you came from. But you are really bad at what you do. I mean, just really bad at it. But then again, who's watching MSNBC at 11.15 in the morning?

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Yeah. A few facelifts later and he's doing okay. Poor Rob.

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What's that?

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I know. And I love Rob. I think he's a great actor.

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Yeah, but I want too many facelifts. That's all I got. That's why reading about Arnold Schwarzenegger's anti-wrinkle diet, I don't know how well it's worked, but you can do it for free. It's like put raw eggs on your face or something like that.

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There's no doubt about it. That is like one of the quintessential American tales. Come over here from a strange country, don't know a fucking word, and then make yourself the world's biggest celebrity at one point. And still is. Like Fortune said, he's world famous. That's a different kind of famous. But she's got to be world famous, too. Like Netflix is in every country.

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It's not like you can't see Fortune's shows or comedy specials if you live outside of the United States.

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Watch it. Listen to Chrissy. She's got all the advice that will help you out. Her new special comes out December 3rd. That's this upcoming Tuesday. If you would do us a favor and Fortune a favor, tune into that special. I think you'll find it.

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She's crushing it. And she is a very good storyteller. Like she said, those stories are seven to ten minutes long and she does a...

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Okay, thank you very much. And I've heard this before from other people, right? I don't know how it all started, but I just learned how to weave a tail. And trust me, like Fortune said, 90 to 95% of it is true, but then you've got to learn how to twist some parts of it to bend your comedic will, so to speak. That's what you have to do.

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I'm nowhere as talented as Fortune is at it. But thank you very much. That's very kind. Jeff is a good storyteller, too. It's not and that's not everybody's style of talking or style of thinking. But I it resonates with me because I am a storyteller. So when I see somebody else telling a story in a really good way, and I love it. You are so good at so many other things, Chrissy.

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Storytelling doesn't need to be your thing. You are a lovely human being who always looks at the glass half full. You're empathetic to all your other friends and family members. You spread joy in this world. Your laughter is fucking infectious. That's for sure. If we've heard that one time, we've heard it a million times on the commercial break.

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And quite frankly, people like you a lot more than they like me. And that's okay. You put yourself out there more. I do put myself out there more. I give people more reason to dislike me. And that's okay. We all have our lots in life and our crosses to bear. And so let us think about that as we head into it.

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Look for those 12 days. 12 days of TCB. Carrying our cross... Okay, I'm not even going to get into it. Too soon. Too soon. 2024 years later, too soon. It's too soon. Oh, that's funny. All right. Okay. I apologize if I offended anybody. But, you know, I'm a comedy show. What can I do? We got to make a joke here and there. Okay. Fortune's brand new special. Go check it out on Netflix.

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TCB Infomercial: Fortune Feimster

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Foo Bar Season 2 coming up in the spring. Another 100-city tour on the way. Yes. Get tickets fast because all of her shows are sold out. All of her shows are sold out.

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You know what I'm saying? MSNBC at 11.15 in the morning, nobody's watching. I guarantee he's not making $30 billion a year. That's for sure. So I wanted to get you back up to speed that I was watching the news. Okay.

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For sure. We say that about a lot of people. And then for one reason or another, we don't go or we can't make it. We've seen a few, but we can't make it to every show. But Fortune is one of those I would put on the map.

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Fortune. Well, I'm not going to name them. But Fortune comes, I would love to see it. Yes. And Pete Davidson is out of rehab. Or did he ever go?

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Well, that's very interesting because right after he got off stage in Atlanta, all of a sudden they said he was in rehab.

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But he did tell us when we went and saw him, when he was working on that new material, that he was getting all of his tattoos lasered off. And the tattoo removal is complete, apparently. So now you can see him. You can see his arms. There's no tattoos. There's a little sign, you know, little tiny little ink marks here and there. But that had to have been a very painful process to go through.

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Yeah. So all of Fortune's information will be down in the show notes. So you can go ahead and check her out on her social media, at her website, links to tickets and all that other good stuff. Christina will put it in there. Hey, listen, now every single episode of The Commercial Break is available on YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break.

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And soon, if it's not already, every episode will be available on video on Spotify. Check that out. It's the wave of the future. Spotify makes another fantastic move to crush revenue in the podcasting industry. But I like it. I like the idea that we can have video on Spotify. And we just have to figure out how to monetize it. But, you know, who cares? We're not monetizing it anyway.

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So what does it even matter? Yeah, you know how it goes.

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Yes, we're getting paid in love. Unfortunately, my landlord doesn't take love as a payment. But whatever. All those sponsors. No, I'm kidding. There's a lot of sponsors of the show. And thank you to them. Also, at the commercial break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and TCBPodcast.com for more information about the show. All the audio and video is there, too.

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Your free sticker at the Contact Us button. 212-433-3822. 212-433-3822.

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three tcb thanks for joining us on this special saturday episode of the commercial break chrissy that's all i can do for today i think so but i'll tell you that i love you and i love you best to you best to you best to you out there on the podcast universe enjoy your weekend until next time we always say we do say and we must say goodbye

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When you pull up and I'm on top of the roof. Threatening to jump to make you know why. So yeah, so we hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and you're enjoying your extended vacation.

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Oh, yeah. You must write us and tell us about your family shenanigans. We have to know. The crazier, the better. The worse, the better. I know a few of you out there are really good at writing those kind of stories, so I'm not going to name you by name. But please write us in. Tell us how your family events were. We'd love to hear it. What were your traditions? How terrible did they go?

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How terribly wrong did it all go? Yeah, I only want terrible Thanksgiving stories. Don't write me and say all the kids had fun. I don't give a shit, okay? It's not that kind of show. And then just a small reminder, 12 Days of TCB coming up December 13th through the 25th. That's right. Brand new episodes of the commercial break, even on Christmas Day. So happy birthday, Jesus.

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Your Amazon Echo, put it in the manger and your little Christmas. Put it in the manger in your little Christmas village and say, hey, play Brian's Got a Boner, episode number 688. And let us not leave out our Jewish friends. Happy Hanukkah to you, too. I think Hanukkah and Christmas actually align together, my wife was saying to me.

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And Festivus and Kwanzaa and Krampus and all that other shit that you guys celebrate. Congratulations to everybody on a... And a job well done on Thanksgiving. I'm congratulating all the people who cooked us food before they actually cook us the food so that I sound generous afterwards. How's that? That's a good tactic. I told myself, I was like, let me say congratulations on great cooking.

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That way when I'm complaining about it, it's like two weeks later and no one's really going to know. All right, let's do this. Let's take a short break, and then we'll come back with Fortune here on the studio television, and we'll talk to her about all the magic of telepodcasting. We'll figure it all out. What do you say, Chrissy? I say let's do it. Let's do it. We'll be back.

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Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, this is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Holdley. Best to you, Kristen.

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Fortune, thank you so much for joining us today. We really appreciate it.

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So this episode will be airing right after the Thanksgiving holiday. So tell me, I'm assuming you're just spending some time with family over the Thanksgiving?

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. It's a Saturday, and yes, we're here just for you. It's a TCB infomercial bonus episode. With Fortune Feimster here today with us, the very famous, all over the place, can't stop her, Fortune. I just love... Oh, my God.

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Yeah, my mom either. I was telling Chrissy the other day, we were talking about gravies and sauces. Like, are you a gravy and sauce person? I am definitely a gravy and sauce person. I think that comes from my mother, who's just a terrible cook, and she may have known it, and then she smothered everything in sauces and gravies.

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He had a detector, huh?

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so when you do you get do you do like the holiday like round table do you like okay this year we got to spend the actual thanksgiving day with my family and then next year we're going to spend it with your family or is there like a set schedule i always get fascinated by this with people who have i mean a lot of people have partners we did that for a long time many many because we're 10 years in now congratulations thank you

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Let me tell you something. One of the advantages to being a breeder over here is that when you have children, then you determine, and there's four boys in my family, so I'm one of four. I'm the only one with children. So I get to dictate exactly how the holidays go. And if you don't like it, fuck yourself. I mean, you know, you're not going to see the kids.

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You're not going to see your nieces and nephews for the holidays. And I would be like, fine.

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It can certainly get annoying. Fortune, you're on a bit of a tear right now, I would say. You certainly – I feel like you're everywhere. Like when they said, hey, you want to talk to Fortune? And I was like, oh my gosh, she is everywhere.

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How are I know that when we talk to people, sometimes I get sometimes even I feel like, oh, people just popped out of nowhere. But there's a lot of work that comes behind.

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There's 10 years of work to get to have your moment in the sun, whatever it is. So and you got your start. You were doing comedy when you were in college.

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now she's in three stand-up specials now the next netflix specials coming out on tuesday as this is being released the following tuesday uh her brand new netflix special the first two crushing it killed it and so the third one is here and uh no end in sight for fortune can't wait to talk to her so thank you for joining us hope you had a wonderful thanksgiving it's we're we're still in the middle of it that's the best thing about thanksgiving is you

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All right, we wish you a Merry Christmas it is. All right.

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All right, I've sufficiently beat my children into submission, so we shouldn't hear any more of that. Okay, so after my Megan and Harry rant, you remember the first time you went to Jeff's house for the holidays, Jeff's parents' house for the holidays, Jeff's family's house for the holidays. Yes. How was it?

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Yes. I think that is, in my opinion, the first time you meet the parents or the parents and then the first time you do holidays together.

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Those are two big indicators of whether or not things are on the right track. Yes. Are you going to be a fit? You guys can get along just perfectly fine together, but... Do you do well on vacation? Do you do well when you're sick? Do you do well staying together in the same place more than five nights in a row? And do you get together or do you do well at family events, introductions, family?

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Oh, yeah, dancers and prancers, welcome back to the 12 Days of TCB. I'm Brian Green. This is the mistletoe to my camel toe, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

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And those family holidays, those can be make it or break it. Because let's be honest, if you go over to your loved one's house and their parents are shitheads or you just don't get along with them or they give you the side eye, it's very difficult to get over that. You don't want to go to your loved one's families forever. holidays, you're likely not going to last very long.

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And I have been through this. I know this. I stayed with someone way too long, and their family hated me. And it was very uncomfortable. They hated me so much that I wouldn't even get invited to the holidays. What? It would be like she would just avoid it. You know, well, I'm going to go to my mom's on Christmas Eve, so I'll see you on Christmas Day. Really? And I'd be like...

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You, I, you don't want me to come in. No, it's like a pajama party probably. And then I would see pictures on Facebook and there'd be like 12 people over there. Me not included. Fuck you.

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Yes. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah. It was just a drama or she would start an argument the day before Christmas, even that way. It was, there was an excuse not to have me over. The truth was, I don't think her family liked me. I didn't like them very much. Any, it was a, it was a, it was mutual. Yeah. I don't like you either. Yeah. It was really her stepdad that I didn't like.

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But anyway, besides the point, parents have a lot of influence and sway over people's relationships. Families and parents, they can make or break a relationship. And here, while we're talking about this, I'm going to give you a little piece of Brian Greene advice when it comes to families and relationships.

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Do not tell your mom or dad, brother or sister, or maybe even best friend about every single argument that you have with your partner. No. Because they will slowly start to despise your partner and it will come tearing apart at the seams when your mother and father tell you that they're no good for you because all you guys do is fight because that's all you talk about is when you fight.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. Here we go. We're doing it. We're rolling through the 12 days, the 13 days, or the 20 days of TCB, depending on how you count it. Don't worry. We'll get our maths right in 2025. Megan and Harry making quite the, having quite the kerfuffle over there at Netflix. Are they? So, I have never really been into the royals.

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So that's my little advice.

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Okay, sisters, I think you can get... There's like a little bit of an exception there because sisters and brothers, you have that...

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But I have seen this play out in real life where you slowly start to turn people against your partner, even though that's not really how you feel, because the thing that you talk most loudly about or most forcefully about are the arguments and disagreements that you have. And you don't color it in with all the wonderful that they're doing. But you're right. They were bad for me in the first place.

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So fuck them. In the 90s, MTV knew this. MTV knew that parents held the most sway over who their children dated or fell in love with. And they built a whole show around it, Chrissy. And it was called Parental Control. Now, while I was hunting, Christina and I got in a text message chain. She was telling me about another MTV show we may or may not review.

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And then that got me thinking about the other dating shows that were on MTV in the 90s and early 2000s that were, quite frankly, fucking insane. They would never fly now. But back then, it was a different time. Parental Control was a short-lived show. I think it was only three or four seasons. But it was a literally... I mean, it's a great concept.

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I'm not sure how well it's done, but it's a great concept. And that is rather than you pick your boyfriend or girlfriend, the parents will. And here's the twist. You already have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. So it's your parents trying to pick a new boyfriend or girlfriend. I mean, who agrees to go on these fucking shows?

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You must be so thirsty when you say, yeah, I'll let your mom and dad pick a new dick. Yeah, no problem. I got that part down. So parental control. I thought it would be a great time this Christmas, now that we're thinking about spending time with family we don't love, to go ahead and review parental control.

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You want to do that?

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All right, I may need your help. Hi, I'm Eddie. I got it. Ah, there you go. All right, this is an episode... Parental control.

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This is an episode.

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Lauren is a total catch.

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Can I just say the out loud part here? Lauren does not look like the child of the father. I'm just going to share that right now. But Lauren might be adopted. You never know. There's just one problem.

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He came straight out of a Blink-182 video. He's wearing sunglasses, spiky gelled hair, graphic t-shirt, and board shorts. And he got really close to the camera from up to down. Of course. That's all the rage back there. Limp Bizkit.

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Face into the camera.

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They bleeped out jerk. They really bleeped out jerk.

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This is the most New Jersey family I've ever seen in my entire life, by the way.

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Yes. Teresa Caputo haircut on the mom. Dad's, what does he have, a trash compacting company or something, a construction company? Waste management. Yes. And now the little soprano in training is sitting next to them waiting for the girlfriend to go out on two dates. Handpicked by mom and dad. How do they handpick them? Find them in a grocery store?

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I think we talked about this when the queen died and then, you know, we have to be careful. We have a... We have one of those in the building.

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I'm pretty sure the producers just showed up at the front door with these two good necks.

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MTV bleeped it out.

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New dick. New dick. No control. This is back when shows actually had an opening, like a theme song. Now it's just, you just go straight into the television show. People don't have the patience for theme songs anymore.

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First of all, when it's break it down. Yeah. Well, now they would say he knows how to dick me down.

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Your parents are, though. Yeah. So, Meghan and Harry have broken away from the royals. Okay. Yeah, of course. And they came over here to the United States, I think in the hopes and the wishes, probably the expectation that they would take over America, that they would be the king and queen of the United States of America, at least in a pop culture sense, right? Yeah.

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My pretend punching abilities are right here. Wow. Now, clearly, this is just for the camera. This is all scripted, you can tell, because they're poorly saying these lines. But if he really does say things like that to her, then I can understand where these parents are coming from. 100%. Someone's talking like that to my daughter in front of me, and it's game over.

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They're outside the MTV Network's building, which is so un-MTV-like. I just have to say that. It's like it's just a normal office building. And they have a line. What I can imagine is clearly set up a shot of a line of guys, maybe 50 of them, standing in line waiting to get the front door.

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Was that Nick Lachey? I think it was Nick Lachey. Well, he lasted about as long on this as he does on that Love is Blind. They walk in and walk out of the door. Yeah, that's true. And by the way, I'm making fun of people showing up to the MTV networks. This is the guy who sent in at least two applications to real world. That's right. At least. Yep.

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I got to imagine they're like in their early 20s. But yeah, he said I'm a semi-pro babysitter. A semi-pro babysitter.

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Hey, listen, that's a guy I can get behind right there. Not the rat trap part. Sorry, you're out. But a guy who actually gets his hands dirty for a living is someone I'm okay with.

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Because, you know, Meghan had already been famous here in the United States. And then, you know, everybody loves Harry after his jaunt in Las Vegas with his penis hanging out. You know, everyone was really excited. You remember that? Remember when he was showing his penis in Las Vegas? Good for Harry. Don't stop Harry from having a good time. You can't fault Harry.

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Nothing like showing up with the graphic wolf tee that's got Mandy Moore on it to profess your love to Mandy Moore. And keep it open, you know.

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uh beavis beavis to be fair i think it's the first yeah you set them up for that one yeah i would have said brains but you know okay

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Badonkadonk. Oh, my God. This is a relic. Someone put this in a time capsule.

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I'm not sure who's more thirsty here, the parents or the kids. The parents definitely seem thirsty.

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Dad's like, uh-uh.

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Well, we already know that the parents aren't going to like this guy for stereotypical. Listen, New Jersey drones. That's all I got to say. Jersey drones.

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He said, give me a break, bitch. I'm trying. Nothing like impressing mom. Like calling her a bitch.

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A five some. Intercourse. He said intercourse. Well, at least his expectations are reasonable.

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I would like to have... That guy is literally a definition of a lug nut.

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Who wouldn't, huh?

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Oh, dude, come on, man. You clearly. I mean, is this Joe Rogan? Is this Rogan?

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Being a royal has got to suck in a lot of ways. I mean, it's got to be awesome in a lot of ways, but it's got to suck in a lot of ways. So they break away from the Royals. They make the announcement. They come over to California to embed with all the other rich people, Kanye and Kim and all those other people. And then Netflix comes a calling, as you know that they would.

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Yeah, yeah. 60 is nothing to brag about, bro. First of all. Second of all, we all know who they're going to pick. They're going to pick the dude with the hat who sets the rat traps. And they're going to pick Johnny Come Lately with the Mountain Dew hair.

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Oh. I'll cheat your daughter out. Wow.

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We have raised an entire generation of morons. These are the same guys, by the way, that are crypto bros now. I just want you to know that.

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I love this music. It is so 2000. Okay, let's do this. Let's see what we got. I'm so ready. All right. That's my baby right there.

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Meanwhile, are they on a Macintosh 001? I think they're using a laptop to pick. I think so. And MTV has put a, like, has overlaid it with a shot of the six guys that, or nine guys that they're looking at. This could not have been more unrealistic, this show.

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All right.

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Yeah, the guy who's currently dating their daughter. Yeah, I think he then went on to try on for Jersey Shore. Then he went on to try on.

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Oh, yes. He looks like a Jersey Shore Reject. He's a punk ass.

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Ooh. I mean... If one of my daughter's boyfriends said that to me. No way.

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It was either going to be a podcast on Amazon Studios or it was going to be Netflix. And Netflix, being the king of the... streaming world, so to speak, said, here's $100 million. Go out there and make us some fresh content. And Meghan and Harry promised to deliver. And what they delivered was a hot steaming... They walked in the room. They walked in the Netflix executive boardroom.

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The guy who sets rat traps.

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Oh, Chad.

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Yes. Versus the bee. I can't believe his name is really Chad.

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Honestly, if there's any reality in this, like if this actually happened, that the new potential boyfriend showed up at a function at the house and you had to sit there and watch your girlfriend go on a date with another guy, that would be torture, I think. Especially for an 18-year-old.

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This dude needs to eat the cheeseburger. He's really skinny. He is very skinny. All right, before we get into the dates, maybe we should take a break. Let's remind you one more time. We would love if you would do some good with us this holiday season and donate to one of the charities. This one y'all picked, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Couldn't agree more on this one.

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Helping women and children who have suffered at the hands of abusers get back on their feet and make their way in the world. Just like good old Jeremy here is going to have to do after his girlfriend goes out with a real man. All right, let's take a break and we'll be back.

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They stood on the table and they delivered a hot steaming pile of turd. Because besides that very first reality show that they had, that really, let's be honest about it, while it revealed some stuff about the royals... Was it a reality show?

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All right, and we're back with Parental Control. We're currently watching, what's his name? Can't remember. Jeremy. We're watching Jeremy suffer at the hands of MTV as his girlfriend goes on a date with the real man.

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Chad, I just can't get over his name is actually Chad.

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Yeah, whatever.

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Ooh, snap. Does MTV pay for the counseling after this? They're going scurfing, by the way, which I've done many times myself.

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Yeah, that is honestly the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. Who wants to skateboard on a ten and a half foot long surfboard?

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Yeah, notice all the kids scurfing out there. I belong to the National Association of Scurfers. I'm a scurf herder, if you know what I mean. And by the way, and we'll talk about this when this is done, but what really surprises me about this is how truncated these dates end up being. Watch. They're going to go skate down one half a block.

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They're going to have a little picnic in the park, and then it's going to be done. She's got to choose someone else.

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While it was... Interesting in some respects. It wasn't their story. Yeah, it wasn't that interesting. I mean, let's be honest about it. And since then, they have done almost nothing of note. And now to cap their story. Time at Netflix, the hundred million dollars, one hundred million dollars that they received to create these like four shitty television shows.

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Did they put them on cue cards or something? They must. This guy is not smart enough to come up with these on his own.

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Yes, it would. What is the difference between the T-shirt and jeans that the current guy is wearing and the T-shirt and jeans that the other guy is wearing?

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There's no way. Yeah, honestly. They're not married. This is weird. This is weird. It's all weird.

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Meanwhile, this guy's throwing a fit over here.

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I had an amazing seven minutes with you. I'm glad. Scurfing is my new favorite sport. I didn't even have a chance to eat a fish taco. Bye.

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Was it crazy fun? Was it really crazy fun? Yeah. I have a feeling that they picked people who were... The family dynamics were already well established. They know that she's going to pick the guy she's already dating and that this is just like... They're thirsty. They're going on TV to be on TV. Yes, of course this is pretend. You don't talk to your...

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your loved one's parents like this and expect to get away with it.

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It's got to be her brother. You might be right about this. It might be the brother. Real man's like, Lauren.

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They have produced a I guess a 10 part miniseries on Polo, a docuseries on Polo.

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I just hope Lauren sees in him what I saw in him. Fine, firm arms and a nice round potato bottom.

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Meanwhile, both of these dates take place on the same day if the clothing is any indicator because they're wearing the exact same thing they were wearing for the last date.

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Yes. I actually wanted to watch that. Bringing polo to the masses. Because, you know, when you have to buy horses, stables, hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of veterinary care, and you have to have four horses just to play one match of polo. Four horses.

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He's kind of a douche.

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Oh, I know what happened to Jeremy. He got his GED and now he's working for the local sanitation company selling ecstasy on weeknights at the under 18 club in the boardwalk.

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It's just like what they told us in the production meeting. We're going to blow leaf. We're going to blow the balls up and down the thing. Did MTV try and figure out the corniest games that they could play with these people? It sounds like it. Why don't they just go on a regular date? Get a cup of coffee. Have dinner. Make out in the back of a car. I mean, what's up with this?

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Taking the ball, you blow the ball.

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Gas, time, money. The good news is, Chrissy, they'll only be playing for two and a half minutes. Any date you've ever taken her on?

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We've raced horses?

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No, he's peacocking all over that couch.

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Things are getting heated there in the house. Geez. If I'm not dad, I'm just jumping on Jeremy. I'm not talking anymore. Not that I condone violence in any way, shape, or form. But in this case, I might condone violence in every way, shape, or form. Oh, this seems like no fun whatsoever. They're trying to blow an exercise ball with battery-powered leaf blowers.

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Yes. And they're six-minute little intervals. I don't know what they call them. Hex or cues or quads. Jaunts. Jaunts. Yeah, jaunt. Four different horses that you switch, like every three minutes you switch a horse and you rest one and then you go. I watched the first 15 minutes of this terrible, terrible documentary trying to make it look like polo is the everyman sport.

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I know, it's so stupid.

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Oh, yeah, it does not look like any fun whatsoever.

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That date was so fun. Let's sit down here in front of these hot, bright lights and talk to each other.

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I got some juice and oranges.

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Juice and oranges. He did not bring juice and oranges. He's an 18-year-old boy. He did not know how to do anything. He doesn't know how to cut up oranges. That's completely unrealistic.

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I don't know. They told me to lie about this part. Me and my friends totally came up with it in the production meeting right before we came on here.

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We're changing the name of the commercial break to Brian's Escape.

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Anybody you're dating. When someone that I know says, I mean, I described one of my girlfriends like this for like four years. She's great. She's just got issues.

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That people who play polo are really sports heroes. And that the people around them suffer because of the sport that they play. Sacrifice, toil, and trouble that comes with playing polo in Palm Beach, Florida. Fuck you! Megan and Harry, fuck you. I got to be real honest with you. This is the dumbest fucking idea that they could have possibly had. They make themselves look even more entitled.

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I'm a little wiped out from running a blower up and down the half of soccer field.

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You have great legs that I can feel through these shin guards and these soccer socks.

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Okay. Let's make a decision. The moment has arrived, Chrissy. What will she do? Predictions on the table?

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I'm going to say she sticks with the current guy that she has. He's got issues. Yeah, he's got issues, but when someone has issues, that usually means everyone has issues. You know what I'm saying? And they've been together for a long time. I know this. Trust me.

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Oh, elimination. Oh, elimination time. The stakes are very high. The music very dramatic. Standing in a living room that hasn't been renovated since 1979. Here we go. Wood family.

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And he gave her an ankle massage. I know. Threw her over the sock ankle massage. I mean, that's second base in some religions. It is.

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That's all right. I had fun anyways.

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By the way, how much goop does he have in his hair?

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Gel is literally dripping out of the top of his hair.

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They make themselves look even more out of touch. And they put themselves at a level that is unbelievably unattainable. No one can play polo because it's such a fucking expensive sport. Let's not even get into the treatment of the horses. You don't have enough time in your lifetime, in two of your regular lifetimes, to even have one year of polo.

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Chad, what? What happened to Jeremy? I have to know. I will follow up. I will let you know. Next episode of the 12 Days of TCB, we're going to figure out exactly what happened to Jeremy and whether any of this was real at all.

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Yes, Christina will text me at midnight and remind me to figure out what happened to Jeremy. Or she'll find out, probably before I do. Wow, that really was a terrible television show.

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I was too. At the end, despite how terrible it was, and now I remember watching a lot of these episodes. And I always... was so interested in the outcome and always rooting for the new guys because, you know, the old guys were assholes.

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Of course. But you could tell it was all fake as he was walking out of the house and he pretended to throw the camera.

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So obviously terribly fake. But, you know, it was a more innocent time back then.

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Yes, it was long before Maury.

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Yeah, early 2000s, for sure. Yeah. Dr. Phil, Maury. No 90-day fiancé, though. None of that. None of that didn't come around until the 2014s, 15s. Anyway, all right. Well, listen. Another day knocked off. Scratch that off our advent calendar, Chrissy. We opened a gift, and it was Jeremy going home. I can see Christina literally scratching it off the calendar. Thank you. I appreciate that.

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All right, TCBpodcast.com. That's where you will go to get your free TCB sticker. All you got to do is go to the website, hit the contact us button, drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your address. Away it will go. Also, all the audio, all the video right there on the website. If that's how you choose to listen or watch it, it's all there available to you.

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And now, for your viewing pleasure, youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak.com. You can go there and see every episode of the commercial break moving forward on YouTube. Usually drops the exact same time that the audio does on Spotify. We have video a couple of days after the episode drops. So go over there. Like, subscribe, follow all that good jazz at The Commercial Break on Instagram.

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TCB Podcast on TikTok. And 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. Let us know how you're enjoying the 12 days of TCB. We'd love to hear from you. And please donate to one of our great causes that we've been focusing on for the last couple of days. We would appreciate it. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

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But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe and Jeremy also. Until next time, we will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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Two of your regulars equal one day of Meghan and Harry. Because apparently Harry can twiddle off to fucking St. Croix and play a polo match while you and I are sitting here doing the 65,000 hours of TCB just so we can pay health insurance. It's fucking unbelievable. It really is.

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It's the audacity to try and make polo seem like an everyman's sport, when what it really is, is like the egotistical, it's like the epitome of obnoxious, rich entitlement, in my opinion. And I watched however long I could digest of this, and all it shows is good-looking, white, rich men Doing nothing but riding their horses along all day. Riding their red rockets as they do.

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Boys just mounting things as they do. Shirtless sometimes because let's make sure we get in the abs.

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Yes, thank you. Let's get to something that's a little bit more realistic. Like, you know, gay guys dolling up straight guys for a hobby. Let me tell you something. If Netflix wants to spend $100 million, they can come here and drop $100 million right here, and I will work so fucking hard to give you the most mediocre content that's ever been produced on Netflix.

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It won't be all that good, but it won't be terrible, I promise you. And it won't be about fucking horses and rich people. Meghan and Harry. That's all I got to say. Honestly, I was kind of rooting for Meghan and Harry at some point. I was like, okay, they're getting a bad rap. They're over here. They're just trying to make their way in the world.

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But now that this polo thing has come out, I'm 100% against Meghan and Harry.

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briefly okay briefly because you know they don't want to they didn't want it to be a documentary about harry just playing polo but this is such a steaming pile of turd and netflix knows it that there has been no promotional materials made no one has been out on podcasts uh abc nbc morning shows no one's talking about it there are no trailers running around you know other streaming platforms or however they do these things and there's no conversation to our

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See if you can digest even 30 minutes of this particular show.

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It really got my goat. In a time when people are really suffering to make ends meet, and a lot of us are struggling with paying healthcare costs or for feeding our families or getting from point A to point B. Listen, we are blessed that we get to make a living doing what we're doing. Super blessed. And I'll never complain about it.

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having this job I don't dig ditches for a living I'm not up on high rises you know doing rivets or do they still do rivets I'm not sure do they still do rivets okay whatever it is I'm doing I'm not complaining about doing this for a living what's rivets window washing rivets you know rivets you know the guys that we used to like the iron workers they would do rivets hot rivets they'd throw them to each other in buckets never mind this is a different story for a different day but we don't do rivets and so you know I feel blessed in that sense I really do

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But to try and make polo approachable, like as if it was something that anybody, that 99.99% of human beings could even pretend to want to do. Listen, golf is bad enough. You really, you have to pay $150 every time. Do you hear that? I have horses running right outside my door. That is unbelievable how loud that is.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe and happy holidays. Sometimes podcasts like ours will take off a lot of time during the holidays, but not us. We're gluttons for punishment. So we have the 12 days of TCB coming at you. December 13th through the 25th, brand new episodes every single day and live fresh episodes during the entire holiday season.

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My daughter, one of my daughters is so loud, she walks like her dad does with her heels, and you can just hear it all through the entire house. To make polo try and seem approachable, and that people suffer because of the sport that they play.

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Oh, it's like in the beginning, you know how they say, coming up on this season of, you know, right? It's these wives of the polo players, and they're like... Everybody around him, you know, no one gets enough time from him. Everybody suffers because of polo. Everybody.

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Meanwhile, suffering is not drinking, you know, lazy teenies in fucking, you know, Martinique every Thursday on your way to your private jet going to a polo match. That's not suffering.

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suffering is uh being denied health care that's what suffering is and these people have no idea what suffering is because that's not the world that they live in i mean i listen i understand suffering is relative like stress is relative suffering is relative and if you work hard for your money i don't fault you for being a billionaire a millionaire do what you want to do with it but please don't try and pull the wool over our eyes and all of a sudden make it seem like polo is the thing everybody we should have been paying attention to polo all along

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You know what I'm saying?

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You look at the formula for a successful sports documentary, docupick, docudrama, whatever it is. Aaron Hernandez story. Aaron Hernandez came from nothing. Now, he did murder a bunch of people. I'm sorry about that. But he came from nothing, right? The guy comes from nothing. Father is abusive. No money in the home.

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and he struggles all his life to be accepted, to figure out who he is, and he becomes one of the better football players. A lot of drama, a lot of strife. In there is brewing a good story for a docu-series or a docudrama or whatever it is. My 15th horse has a sprain, so I can't use him in my polo match today is not anything that I'm fucking concerned with.

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It really isn't, except for the horse that has the strain, quote unquote, because we really know what's going on. That horse is in the glue factory, fuckers.

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fuck you megan and harry fuck you you know who's gonna get mad about this marianne because she is a royalist oh she is she is a royal well actually maybe she's a royalist she won't really care about megan and harry well that's true she's a true royalist right that's true how do your parents feel about megan and harry they hate them of course they do of course i get it are they fans of charles

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Does anybody have any thoughts about Charles?

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As the great Clark Griswold once said, Holy shit, where's the Tylenol? Find it quick and join us this entire holiday season for brand new episodes of The Commercial Break.

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It's part of their existence. It is what it is, and they're not really plussed either way. They don't really give a shit. Well, listen, I didn't really give a shit until I saw... The absolute shit show that was Polo on Netflix. I mean, $100 million. $100 million.

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They've had a lot of stuff that's just kind of failed because, let's be honest about it, they're not all that good at making television. There was like this whole expose on the Daily Beast. I know, it's terrible.

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There's this whole expose on the Daily Beast or something about this particular series and how the people at Netflix are so frustrated with Meghan and Harry, Meghan specifically, because they had come to Netflix and pitched that they were going to put together a television series called

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docu-series that basically touched people's lives and you know did good work and bridged whatever and then they come to them with this like you know completed polo series and netflix is like what the fuck is that you know what the fuck is this why are we doing this and that's why they're burying it and now apparently what is left in the can is a cooking show by megan and

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That has been sitting on the shelf for like nine months that no one wants to put out there for whatever reason. I don't know. I don't get into the specifics about Netflix. But I'm telling you right now, Netflix could drop a tenth of that, $10 million on us, and we would create some high entertainment. I'd basically just take a camera and watch my kids run up and down the – Oh, my God. Hey, guys.

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Hey, we're trying to work it here. I'm trying not to become the Megan and Harry of podcasting and drop a steaming pile on everybody. I wonder if that comes through on the actual audio. It's got to, right? If it's that loud.

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It does? Okay.

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That's the little pitter patter of Santa's elves. I just want you to know that. All right. Well, listen, let's take a break. I'll go yell at my children and give them reason for therapy later on in life. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is the charity that we're currently supporting. Thank you so much for having me.

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They give money to local organizations that help shelter women and families from abusive men or abusive relationships. And they do financial literacy and education for women who've been in abusive relationships so they can get out there in the world and start anew. It's a great cause that really – there's so many charities out there. I feel like this is one. Sometimes it gets lost in the shuffle.

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Uh, we need it more than ever. You know what I'm talking about? So get off your lazy ass and donate five. Don't be Megan and Harry donate $5. We'll be back.

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Gustavo: A Venezuelan Love Story

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Yeah, sold it to Carvana.

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Gustavo: A Venezuelan Love Story

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The guy who wanted to pay me in foreign currency, no interest over 36 months? Yeah, no. Carvana gave me an offer in minutes, picked it up and paid me on the spot. It was so convenient.

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And he grew up in Cincinnati, I think it was, Cincinnati, Ohio, somewhere in Ohio. And so the movie gets made after the book kind of banters around for a couple of decades trying to find the right writer and director. The movie finally gets made in the early 80s, I think it was, 1983. And it is... A flop at the movie theaters, basically.

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Not a flop, but it doesn't do very well at the movie theaters. Until a burgeoning network, cable network called TBS decides, what can we do for Christmas? It's not going to cost us a lot of money, but might get people to tune in. And they start running it. They run it on a loop for 24 hours. And the rest, as they say, is history.

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As a bunch of children, my age and younger and older, decided that was the movie that we were going to watch because it was on, just on a loop. So you could essentially, you could do anything. You could go and eat some Christmas cookies and come back and it was on again. And it just got embedded into our minds. Really? And now it is a Christmas classic.

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I think there will, other Christmas movies will come along for other generations. But for our generation, for a large, like a 20-year period, that was the Christmas tradition that made us feel this. My mom hated it. Your mom hated it?

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I think it reminded me a little bit of growing up in Chicago, the snowy winters, the being bundled up, the growing up in 1942, the kind of things that I did. Yeah. It's because it's so quotable, and the lines are sparse but funny, and you can get it as an adult and you can get it as a kid. I think that's why we as children started to really identify with it.

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12 Days of TCB: Don't Stare At The Red Rocket

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Ah, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. This is the jingle to my jangle, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

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And even though the toys that they are obsessing about were nothing like the toys we were obsessing about, there's something charming about... This has... This is less about the Christmas spirit and more about what Christmas really was about when we were kids, no matter what you thought, which was getting a present, getting that present that you wanted.

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And then when you're an adult, you see that this really becomes about parenting children and how these moments are special and how they're fleeting and how they come. And so as a parent, I have a new appreciation for it. However, my children do not have an appreciation for it. They don't like that movie whatsoever.

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12 Days of TCB: Don't Stare At The Red Rocket

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You've never seen a Christmas story?

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12 Days of TCB: Don't Stare At The Red Rocket

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Yeah, yeah. But you've never seen a Christmas story?

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12 Days of TCB: Don't Stare At The Red Rocket

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The singing kettle? Yeah. What in the fuck is the singing kettle?

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It's a live performance with puppets and stuff? No, it's okay.

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12 Days of TCB: Don't Stare At The Red Rocket

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best to you out there in the podcast universe merry christmas happy holidays and all that jazz we're on day number two of the 12 days of tcb reviewing our favorite content stories and events of 2024 i know you don't like the camera christina but don't kick it over I spent a long time on those wires. Welcome back. We're in the brand new studio.

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Oh, very interesting.

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You canny shove your granny off a bus.

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Well, that's fair enough.

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It is very silly. And so I'm glad I didn't grow up in Scotland. Yeah. I will say that my children have—speaking of silly songs, my children, I have introduced them to Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. Oh, a classic. Which is a Christmas classic. And so now they are running around the house saying, Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer, which the Venezuelans don't understand.

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No, they certainly don't. Okay, so we're getting close to a break here. I want to remind you that each day during the 12 days of Christmas, we are going to be asking—or we're going to be telling you about a— Essentially a charity that we have done a little research on and we feel strongly are doing good work out there in society. And we feel strongly that they should be supported in their mission.

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So Chrissy has chosen one. Chrissy, today you are choosing.

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The NBCC, we will put a link up there on the show notes, the National Breast Cancer Coalition and their fund. They do good work. Apparently, most of the money goes to the work that they are doing to support women and help find a cure.

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Yes. So, yeah. A cause that is near and dear to, I know, Chrissy's heart and my heart, too. So check your tits, check your balls, and support the foundations that are trying to find a cure for this extraordinarily terrible disease that affects many, many women. And men. And men. That's true.

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If you know a man or a woman in your life, if you know a man or a woman in your life, it's likely you're going to know breast cancer at some point. Yeah.

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in your life it is so please go to the link in the show notes we have nothing to do we are not authorized by them we are just saying this out loud uh that we would love it if you would go and visit and if you find it a worthy cause please donate a few dollars this holiday season to support the women and men in your life who may or may not be affected by breast cancer um yes okay so that's it so let's take a break and we'll be back

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This episode is sponsored by free alcohol from Zbiotics. I am not one to imbibe a whole bunch anymore. I've got 13 to 15 children, checklists to get done and jobs to do. But even with moderation, I don't bounce back like I used to from a night of drinking. I find myself having to make that choice. Can I have a great night or a great responsible day tomorrow? A tough choice to make indeed.

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That is until I found pre-alcohol. Z-Biotics pre-alcohol probiotic drink is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic. It was invented by a PhD scientist to tackle rough mornings after drinking. And here's how it works.

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when you drink alcohol gets converted into a toxic byproduct in your gut it's this byproduct not dehydration that's to blame for that rough next day free alcohol produces an enzyme to break down this byproduct and just as long as you remember to take free alcohol as your first drink of the night then drink responsibly you'll feel your best tomorrow we've now been out for a few nights of drinking where free alcohol is the first thing that i drink let me tell you when i can get up in the morning i

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Christina is here with us and we're celebrating and enjoying the holiday, the very festive holiday time with you by, I don't know, by just generally being festive. We're a little less boring than we normally are. How's that? There you go.

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Take care of my 12 to 13 children. Still record an episode of the commercial break and make it to bedtime with a little bit of energy left in the tank to watch bad television. I know that pre-alcohol has done its job. And with the holiday season upon us, I know I'm going to be consuming just a little bit more alcohol than usual.

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But with pre-alcohol, I can stay on track and not let the holiday season... throw me off course go to zbiotics.com slash commercial to learn more and get 15 off your first order when you use the code commercial at checkout zbiotics is backed by a 100 money back guarantee so if you're unsatisfied for any reason they'll refund your money no questions asked

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Remember to head to zbiotics.com slash commercial and use the code commercial at checkout for 15% off. Thank you to Z Biotics for being a sponsor of the commercial break and for making my mornings after drinking just a little bit easier.

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Okay, the 12 days of TCB, and we are reviewing 12 of our favorite news events, content ideas, guests. We reviewed guests yesterday, and now we're going to get into some meat and potatoes. Chrissy, we did this in 2023, and we did this in 2022. We did a little year in review, and we managed for one episode on those other two years, but this year we stretched it out to 12 hours of TCB.

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And Chrissy, best to you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. You thank you for joining us. How are you feeling? I'm feeling This is a marathon, not a sprint. So I don't want you to get burnt out. I want to make sure you have lots of coffee. You've taken your magic mushrooms and all that good stuff.

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Bigger, better, and more complicated than ever. So this year we're reviewing some of our favorite content that we've done before. And no year would be complete without discussing one of our favorite, the mountain monsters in our lives. We love the mountain monsters. What a ridiculous premise. What an absolutely ridiculous show. That really has taken the world by storm, quite frankly.

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There are so many people who like this show. Oh, yeah.

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I think they're on season number 27 or something. They have to be. Good for Buck. I agree. At this point, I'm rooting for him. You know what I'm saying? So Buck and Huck and Chuck and Fuck and all the guys that are in the group and the gang.

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But before we get to reviewing a mountain monsters for our second day of the 12 days of TCB, I wanted to ask you if you've ever heard of any... Are there any holiday monsters that you have heard of besides... Krampus. Are there any holiday monsters that you know of?

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Well, I mean, monsters that might actually exist.

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You've never heard of the Merry Lild?

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Yes, the Christmas zombie horror. All right, here it is. The macabre skeleton mare of the Welsh tradition rises from the dead and wanders the streets with her attendants, who are fresh from the grave, to remind the living of their existence. Mary Lwyd, Lwyd, L-W-Y-D, they should put some vowels in there, L-W-Y-D, Lwyd, has only one goal in mind, and that is to get in your house. Ha!

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To keep the zombie horse out, you must engage in a battle of wits.

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No. Oh, the zombie whores. That's a whole different... I met one of those on Christmas Eve. They met the mirror on the side of my car. To keep the zombie horse out, you must engage in a battle of wits, in rhyme no less, usually on New Year's Eve, where the undead mare is represented by a puppeteer parading a horse skull on a pole draped in a white cloth. Sounds like a ton of fun. I know.

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It's so weird. That is so weird. The babushka, Chrissy. In Italy, Russia, and parts of Europe, we encounter a witch-like lady rooted in the fairy tale figure of Mother Holy. who doles out punishments for the lazy and riches for the hardworking. In Italy, she is known as La Befagna, and in Russia, the Babushka.

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Each January, she packs up and sets off on a broomstick to join the three kings who are seeking the Christ child. She searches every house, and if she finds a child there, she leaves cookies and gifts behind. Well, that's the kind of Babushka I like.

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It doesn't sound very scary. How about the straggle? Have you ever seen the straggle? Ha! Look at that, Chris. Look at that forefinger. The straggle. Yeah, the straggle.

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Yes. I was just watching. I can't remember who the celebrity was. I want to say it's Pete... Not Pete Davidson, but there's another gangly-looking Pete with blonde hair. Do you know I'm talking about the comic? He had an HBO show for a while of his own. He was talking about Magic Mind. Have you heard about this drink, Magic Mind?

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I know this one simply because I was in Switzerland for a while with Astrid, and I had seen something on TV about this. In many places, such as Switzerland... Perchta rides with a throng of demonic-looking helpers known as straggle, who love to participate in the feast of offerings left out for them on Christmas by people hoping for Perchta's blessing of wealth and health in the new year.

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In some places, straggle get to dole out punishments themselves and aren't terribly discerning as they rob all the bad children and tear them to pieces flying through the air. Oh, nothing like the straggler. Don't be a straggler. That is scary. That is scary. Jesus, people are weird. People are weird. How about the bell schnickle?

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In some German and Pennsylvania Dutch communities, bell schnickle, the bell snickle, shows up a couple weeks before Christmas. Filthy and dressed in rags and furs, like my mom used to dress me up for Halloween. Yeah. to beat children who have misbehaved.

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In 1872, a Philadelphia newspaper recounted Mr. Belsnickel, his personal appearance dressed in skins or old claws, his face black, a bell, a whip, and a pocket full of cakes or nuts. And either the cakes or nuts or the whip are bestowed upon those around.

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Back in the 19th century, it was popular for rowdy revelers to go bell-snicking and get drunk, vandalize the city, whip children, and play planks. That's awful. Different kind of corporal punishment. Back when it was fun and there were no consequences. Unbelievable. Drunk adults whipping children. One more here. One more here, Chrissy. The gorilla. The G-R-Y-L-A. The gorilla.

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One of Iceland's most renowned figures associated with Christmas, the gorilla, is a giant troll who is in a perpetual bad mood due to their insatiable hunger.

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Oh, yeah, they do. It's one of those things. They swear they see them. They believe in them. So they're in a perpetual bad mood due to their insatiable hunger. This sounds like both of my children and my wife. Each Christmas, Gorilla comes down from her mountain dwelling to hunt for naughty children.

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She places them in a sack, drags them back to her cave where she boils them alive for her favorite stew.

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Oh, and she has 13 sons called the Yule Lads. There you go. That's where the Yule Logs come from. The Yule Lads.

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The Yule Lads. We wish you a Merry Christmas. We tear apart your small children.

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And eat them for lunch. Boil them. Yeah, we boil them alive. All right, but... Listen, the mountain monsters know better than to talk about eating children on their show. They want to get ratings. So the mountain monsters are at it again, Chrissy, and I just thought because we have done so many mountain monsters over the years.

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In 2024, we've done the fewest amount of mountain monsters that we have since the show started. In our five-year history, four and a half year history, this has been the year where we've addressed the mountain monsters the least. Maybe we should have done more of them. The mountain monsters, but it's still one of my favorites. I think we have to agree. And I think the audience agrees also.

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Absolutely. That the Mountain Monsters is classic TCB. There are now whole podcasts dedicated to making fun of the Mountain Monsters. And it makes me wonder. Let's take the good part of TCB and let's just do that all the time.

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Smart idea. I wish we had done that. Cow killing bastard. Exactly. All right, so here the mountain monsters are. There's no preface on this particular video except to say that the mountain monsters are literally in a nightmare. So let's see what happens. Here we go.

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You guys notice that I just said some words and those were the only words we said for the entire hour? Now, you're going to make me believe that these four yellers, screamers, and yappers didn't say a word for an hour.

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I'm not sure Magic Mind has psilocybin in it, but it is apparently some drink that a lot of people that are taking and they feel very good about themselves and the world around them when they take Magic Mind. Yes, so I snorted Crank this morning, and that has made me feel awful good, Chrissy.

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Yeah, video or it didn't happen.

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We've got a badass Bigfoot.

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Oh, there's a picture of him. Hey, there he is. Wow. I've never seen something so realistic, Chrissy. Look at that picture. That's straight out of a Canon Rebel ES-07. All I can think about...

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Yeah, they're going to pull over and meditate.

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Yeah, get our heads right. You got to get in the right mindset before the big game, Chrissy. I know, you do. You can't go off willy-nilly into Ashe County, North Carolina, without getting your head right.

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Try to find out why this rogue team wants us back to that little red shed. What is a rotine? You know, roti is a certain kind of food they make, traditional holiday food in Venezuela, the roti. Okay. But I don't think that's what they're saying. I think they're saying rotine. If they're taking rotines to the red shed, we might want to censor this episode before it starts.

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Well, listen, it just hasn't kicked in yet. My third eight ball has not kicked in yet. Okay, got it. All right. Top 20 Christmas movies of all time, as ranked by who? I don't know. But give me three of them. Tell me three of the top 20 Christmas movies. We're going to review them real quickly. Okay. As ranked by town and country.

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They do. But my favorite is when that, whatever, wild cat. We just got to Ash County, North Carolina.

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Trappers. Yeah, Trappers. It's a local bar, Chrissy. We found Billy down there.

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I like how it said night two of the investigation. Investigation indicates that, you know, you're actually doing serious investigating.

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And that makes it real. I don't think this is the first thing Buck has strapped on. I'm just saying. I bet Buck likes pegging.

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But we haven't really shot anything in the 72 seasons of Mountain Monsters.

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Wait, hold on. They're talking about people? They're ready to go meet people. I guess so, yeah. And they're bringing loaded guns. So now we've just turned into Ash County is just lawless. You just bring your guns. Ready for a gunfight? Uh-huh. This is the real Hatfield and McCoy's right here. Yeah.

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There's a rogue team and a Bigfoot, and Satan is protecting them all. But luckily, we have what look like real guns but are probably water pistols prepared at any moment. to go firing upon anything that moves in the woods, because that is both legal and reasonable to film a reality television show. First of all, second of all, who are these cameras? This is any reality to this.

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Who are these camera guys agreeing to just go behind armed men who are ready to shoot at the rogue team? The rogue team of who?

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I don't know. You think they've been divided? I don't know because there's only three. Well, listen, when Satan is running through the woods, you know, he's bound to catch a couple of them, right? Yeah.

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I don't know what lies ahead of us. I think they've cocked their guns 12 times. Yeah, chick, chick, chick, chick.

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The Martha Stewartists. Martha Stewartists. A magazine that ever lived.

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The red eyes. The red glowing eyes. Well, listen, to be fair, if there is a red devil, he's probably going to have glowing eyes.

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A totem pole. Yes, a totem pole. We found a totem pole. We're now mixing Indian ufology with our monsters. Okay, fair enough. Hey, listen, to be fair, Indians did believe in a lot of this shit, too. That looks like something straight out of Polynesian Resort in Walt Disney World, Florida. That was the fakest looking totem pole I've ever seen.

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Huckleberry is naked in the rain. Oh, no. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. I got to take my hat off for this. I cannot believe this. The band is broken up and three of them are on the side of Satan. Oh, no. And he's dressed in a hula hoop or a hula skirt or whatever you call those things.

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He's wearing a grass skirt.

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It honestly looks like he got lost in a Polynesian resort costume department.

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You're right about that. That's on there.

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Is this a flashback? What is happening? This is a flashback.

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They were there before. We didn't see part one. They're coming back for a second time. We didn't see part one. We're catching up on part two. But now we think we're understanding that the team has literally been split up. The guys are no longer working as one. They are two.

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Listen. Chrissy, far be it for me to get in the minds of genius. I don't know. I'm just a mere mortal. I can't talk about all these, the comings and goings of the mountain monsters, but I will tell you this much. This is going to be an interesting episode. If these guys are fighting against each other. Maybe we'll find them tonight.

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It's a Wonderful Life is on there.

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In a forest. Yes. This trail is still active, boys. I don't even know what that means. It's still active. All right. I think this is a good place to stop. We'll take a break. But I do want to remind people that we are... are focusing a little bit today on one of an organization that's near and dear to Chrissy's heart, the National Breast Cancer Coalition.

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A Christmas Carol, I think, is on there also. Are you ready for them?

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We'll put a link down inside of the show notes. If you're feeling in the holiday spirit and you'd like to save some tatas and some lives, go ahead and donate to the NBCC. We're going to give a direct link. We are not getting in the middle of this. You go there, you donate what you will. That's between you, God, and the NBCC. We'll take a break and we'll be back.

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Okay, I'm going to go 20 to 1. Here we go. They ranked the top 65. How they even came up with 65 movies to rank, I don't know. I'm sure they're out there, but it probably includes Hot Frosty. I'm sure. A national treasure, okay. A national treasure of your algorithm, yes. Your Netflix algorithm. Number 20, The Family Stones.

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All right, we're back here with our boys, the mountain monsters, who apparently Satan has divided so he can conquer. They are in the woods of Ashe, North Carolina. I've never heard of Ashe, North Carolina. I haven't either. But is it near Asheville? Could be. North Carolina makes some sense. They just ran out of names, so they put a ville on the end of Ashe.

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There's Ash, and then there's the Ville of Ash. Okay, there you go. Huck, Buck, Chuck, and Fuck. There's one team of three. It's Chuck, or Huck, Buck, and who is it? Huckleberry. Huck, Buck, and Huckleberry. And then you've got the other guys, the one that screams and the other guys. They're all on the other side doing something.

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So they're running through the woods chasing each other with loaded guns, I might add to you. Former teammates soon to be murdered by their former teammates. Fresh. Yes, it is. That's real fresh. That's some definite Bigfoot sign. How do you know a branch is fresh when it's fallen on the ground? I mean, I'm sure there's a way to tell.

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acquire those skills i guess when you spend all your time by the creek and the whacking tree you know when a fresh stick is you can tell that's a fresh stick chrissy there this is so fresh your limbs wants to have the green leaves look we pick this log up and set it on top of it to hold it down look at that That looks like a fallen tree to me. It does. But I guess that's where, I guess he knows.

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He's clued into some special investigatory powers, allow him to know that Bigfoot has picked up the log and thrown it on the ground, and it's fresh. It's still active, Chrissy. This is still an active investigation. Yeah. They can't give us much information yet, but they do know they're hot on the trail.

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Of course, and then quickly happens. Yes.

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Oh, did you see that right where I stopped it? They seem to have a photograph of a small, miniature Bigfoot. It looked like a miniature Bigfoot. It looked like a child in a Bigfoot costume. Oh, they're going to shoot. Oh, they've got their guns out.

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The Family Stone, 2025. A holiday flick about a dysfunctional family that features an all-star cast, including Sarah Jessica Parker, Luke Wilson, and Diane Keaton. I do like it. It's very good. Last Holiday from 2014. Last Holiday.

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The biggest tree in the forest fell. Only we didn't capture it on camera, unfortunately. But that is fresh, Chrissy. I will tell you, if a tree falls right next to you, that's a fresh fall.

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Let's go back. Let's go. Stay together.

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Wait. Oh, my God. They're literally pointing to a branch.

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It's human. Isn't that a branch you just walked by? And I don't mean to throw shade or anything, but you're a big boy. If you walk, you're going to break a few tiny little branches. Yeah, he is. So he walks by the twig of a tree. I mean, we're talking like an inch round. Yeah, with a little tiny twig, the smallest of twigs, blooming out of it. And he's pointing to one broken one.

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It's probably no longer than three inches long. And he's saying that because one is broken on the bottom but not on the top, that's a human sign and not the Cherokee Red Devil. What is it?

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Yeah, or calling them by their cell phones.

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The heartwarming rom-com starring Queen Latifah plays a small-town saleswoman who spends her life savings on a holiday trip to Europe and finds that she is terminally ill. Except there's a twist. Oh, congratulations. Sounds wonderful.

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How do you know that by putting the butt of your gun on the ground? How do you know that's exactly where you're standing?

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These are some wild investigative techniques that I think should be shared with the rest of the country.

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If you really could tell where someone was standing a year ago by putting the butt of your gun on the ground and going, this is exactly where it happened. It's almost like his gun was magnetically drawn to that point. I know. It has a memory.

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Yeah, we got to stop and cry for a moment. Let us all give a moment for Buck and the time when he was standing exactly right there, staring off at the vine, and he saw the red-eyed red rocket monster. Yeah.

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Well, it hypnotizes you, Chrissy. Okay. That's really where you get the PTSD from. I mean, I don't know if you've ever seen red eyes from a red rocket ash monster, but it can really send you for a loop. Cherokee devil. Yes. It's like, don't stare at the commercial brake sign either. Same thing happens. You got it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Okay, maybe I'll have to watch it this Christmas. Charlie Brown Christmas comes up at number 18. It's so fun. Now, Charlie Brown Christmas is not my favorite Christmas movie. I wouldn't even put it in my top ten. It's a classic. I do understand it's a classic. There's a lot of nostalgia around it. And what is fun is watching my children now get into a Charlie Brown Christmas. So we've all seen it.

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And why have they agreed to go back? Why? I know. Yeah. What is the point, guys? Can I ask a question? I know you got episodes to make just like we do. Yeah. But can I ask, why are we going back to the place where Buck almost got killed?

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Putting him through all of this PTSD. Don't look at his eyes. And then you're claiming it's psychological warfare. You're the dum-dums that decided to go back there. It's not like they... It's the rogue team. It's the... There's a rogue team. Let the team be rogue. I know. Let them go do their thing. You do your thing. There's plenty of room in Ashe County.

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You don't have to go right back exactly to the spot. Kentucky seems to be your hunting grounds. Why not go back there? A man up and go to that little red shed. That's what I say. Take a break. Get the Anheuser-Busch and go back to the red shed. There it is.

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What? I don't see anything. What happened? Where'd it go? Everyone's crying now. I don't know what's going on.

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Oh, he's in love.

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They're flashing back to a time. So when he was there before. In the red shed, there was a Cherokee girl that he fell in love with briefly. But she ran off. She ghosted him. They connected on Tinder. Or Grindr. I'm not sure which one it was. But they connected. And all Buck wanted was just a moment. A moment more with the Cherokee girl. And who doesn't, quite frankly, Chrissy.

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But nay, she was gone. Off in the wind. Probably eaten by the, you know, redhead. The red devil. Red devil.

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You all right? Oh. Oh, God. Buck's throwing up. What's going on there? Geez. He's gagging. Yeah, that's not a sight for anybody to see. Oh, God.

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I don't know. Maybe it's a burrito baby or something. Poor buck.

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Right now. I'm going to keep an eye on him. You go get the seven and a half foot red devil.

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There is some love between the guys. Oh, absolutely. You know, there's some compassion between them. They're just a bunch of friends trying to chase deadly creatures through the woods of Asheville.

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It's a timeless cartoon starring Charlie Brown as he seeks out the true meaning of Christmas with the help of his friends and his curious dog, Snoopy. Okay, number 17, going exactly the opposite direction, Harold and Kumar Christmas, a very Harold and Kumar Christmas, which is super fun, very funny, and unbelievably, like even a little bit festive. I think you'll like this one. Yeah. Yeah.

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You think they're like in a pitch meeting and they go, you know what we should do? Make a big drama about that Cherokee girl that ghosted you that one time and make it emotional for her to go back to the red shed.

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And do you think, not only do you think that there's like a pitch meeting where they have to write all of this out, but then do you think that there are people out there somewhere in cable television land who, who actually are buying into the drama that Buck has to, you know, go and face his demons at the Red Shed in Ashe, North Carolina.

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There's a lot of people in this world. Some of them are not well, right? Okay. I do believe that there's... But I don't believe it's a majority of the audience. No. If the comments underneath the YouTube videos are any indication, most people take it like we do. It's a good comedy show if you watch it that way. And it's funny. You know, it can be really funny.

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But there are some comments under there where you know people are really into this show and they hang on every scene.

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This could be an ambush, guys.

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Oh, and that's the end. We might have to find the second parts of that. He walked in the shed. Did you see that, Christina? That was crazy. Christina's blown away. She can't believe it.

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This is high entertainment. Screw the 12 days of TCB. If you really want to have some fun this Christmas, put yourself on a marathon of the mountain monsters. Nothing gets you in the Christmas spirit like the Red Rocket. But what happened was he went back to the shed where he had seen the Cherokee girl.

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And when he walked inside of the shed, there were a bunch of manila envelopes tacked to the wall with all of their real names.

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Yeah, I don't think it was a red rocket. Well, listen, maybe we'll find out. Maybe we won't. Stay tuned to the 12 Days of TCB. We're on the edge of our seat now. It wouldn't be a year in review without our mountain monsters. That's all I got to say. I love it. I love it. I know. I love the boys.

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I wonder if they do a holiday episode. They should. Chase holiday monster. They should. If they don't, they should. I'll look into that. If it is, I'll see if we can't do that. Yeah. Sometime shortly after the 12 days of TCB. All right, Chrissy. The NBCC, the National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund, will put in a link to their official website where you can donate directly to them.

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In the show notes, if you could be so kind as to do that, it is a cause that's near and dear to our hearts. We certainly would appreciate it. I know Chrissy would. I would. And hey, if you have tits, check them. That's all I got to say. Men and women. Because it does affect men also. Men do get breast cancer.

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And at a more alarming rate, I think, than ever before I was reading. So there you go.

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tcbpodcast.com that's where you go to find more information about the show all the audio all the video which includes now every episode of the commercial break is available on video on the website youtube.com slash the commercial break and soon spotify video if it's not up there already it'll be up there soon and those episodes just to let you know get released a day or two after they get released on the audio feed can't cannibalize our own you know sponsors crazy

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Because we don't have many. Right. Yeah. Exactly. We don't have many. We got to keep them around. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. We're taking them all right there. You can call, leave us a voicemail or text message. That phone number, and we will get back to you. We promise. I don't know when, but we'll get back to you sometime soon. Ask TCB.

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Looking for something to watch after little ones go to bed? Press play on this Bouty Holiday Comedy, which is the third installment of the Harold and Kumar series. Neil Patrick Harris is in it. A very funny cocaine-filled child is in the movie also. It's a lot of fun. You'll like it. Watch that one. Number 16. I disagree with this completely. Christmas with the Cranks.

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We might get to that sometime in the year 2025. We should. Ask TCB is on the list of 12 days of TCB. Okay. So there you go. I'm doing a little foreshadowing for you, Chrissy.

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Again, youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak. Subscribe, like, and comment on your favorite videos. Add the commercial break on Instagram. TCB podcast on TikTok, at least for right now on TikTok. We'll see what happens in a couple of days. TikTok might go away. You never know. Yeah. Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for now.

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But I'll tell you that I love you.

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Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe until tomorrow. We always say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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I don't even think that would show up in my top 65, and I don't even know 65 movies. Christmas with the Cranks was not very good.

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Jamie Lee Curtis. Tim Allen. Tim Allen. Speaking of cocaine, Tim Allen. Did you know that Tim Allen spent like seven years in federal prison for cocaine distribution?

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It's true. Before he became a stand-up, he spent a period of time for, and not a small amount of cocaine, it was like 20 pounds of cocaine or something. Can you believe that? Isn't that crazy?

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Indeed. And then, you know, listen, and then he's Buzz Lightyear, right? Okay, so he's Buzz Lightyear, and then he makes a couple of comments during the pandemic.

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No, Tom is Woody.

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Buzz Lightyear, Tim Allen. He makes a couple of comments during the pandemic that rile the people up over there at Disney. And they say, no more Tim Allen as Buzz Lightyear. He's not going to appear in any movies moving forward. But I guess Tim had the last laugh as they're currently making Toy Story number five with... Tim Allen. So The Christmas of the Cranks is a lighthearted comedy.

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The funny flick follows a couple played by Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis who anger their neighbors by making plans to skip Christmas in favor of taking a Caribbean cruise. It's a ridiculous premise and it's not very funny. Dan Aykroyd is in the movie also. I'm sorry, I just don't like it. But anyway, okay. Number 15, A Nightmare Before Christmas.

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I know people who go crazy over this movie. Who go nuts over this movie. I dated a woman for a period of time. And she, it was like right when, I think it was in 2000, like the early 2000s. And she, like everything was about A Nightmare Before Christmas.

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I can appreciate where Tim Burton is coming from. He's never been my favorite director in the world, but I understand, like, I can appreciate the creativity behind Tim Burton movies. And this one is Claymation. So it's really, really, like, I guess, a huge feat of animation that he did this. And I think it took him a long time to do it.

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Not my favorite, but I can appreciate that it's in the top 20. Almost Christmas is number 14. Almost Christmas.

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From 2016, starring Danny Glover, Omar Epps. I have not seen this one. Okay, I don't think I have either. Danny Glover is a retired, who doesn't love a little Danny Glover? I know.

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Hey, Chrissy, best to you. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe and happy holidays. Sometimes podcasts like ours will take off a lot of time during the holidays, but not us. We're gluttons for punishment. So we have the 12 days of TCB coming at you.

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How have I never heard of this? Danny Glover is a retired widower who only wants one thing for Christmas, his grown children and the families to get along for the holidays. The performances from this talented ensemble cast will make you grateful for your folks this December. Okay, well. All right, Monique's in it. Put it in there. Jessie T. Usher's in it. DC Young Fly. Nicole Allen Parkway. Okay.

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Oh, it's okay. Oh, I see. There's a little break in the curtains there.

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Listen, we've never been a podcast that's particularly discreet. So there you go. All right. This is right up your alley, Christina. Number 13 is A Christmas Prince from Netflix.

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Wow. A Christmas prince packs every rom-com cliche that you can think of into 90 minutes. And that's exactly what makes it so delicious to watch. When a journalist is assigned to cover a handsome but mysterious prince of a small country named Aldovia, she gets more than she bargained for. Right?

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nice uh yeah not not a movie i would watch but okay all right uh number 12 is santa claus number two not a fan of the santa claus movies they're okay i like some tim allen movies like toy story but i am not a fan of the santa claus uh series yeah no i liked uh what's the other one though with it's with um kurt russell i liked that one That's Santa Claus, like, five or something, isn't it?

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Wait, Kurt Russell plays Santa Claus and Goldie Hawn appears?

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Well, I gotta see this. As Mrs. Claus, yeah. Oh, really?

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Okay, all right. Well, I'll find out what the name of that movie is. Number 11 is the original Santa Claus. When a divorced businessman accidentally kills Santa... Nothing like the holidays to send the writers and directors into overdrive trying to figure out the most ridiculous premise. Number 10, The Dr. Seuss' The Grinch, the animated one from 2018.

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December 13th through the 25th, brand new episodes every single day and live fresh episodes during the entire holiday season. As the great Clark Griswold once said, Holy shit, where's the Tylenol? Find it quick and join us this entire holiday season for brand new episodes of The Commercial Break.

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No list of Christmas movies is truly complete without an appearance from The Grinch, and the new-ish animated version deserves a place in the holiday movie canon. Thanks to Benedict Cumberbatch's memorable take on everyone's favorite green holiday grump, I agree with this.

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This is the best version of The Grinch, I think, is the new one from 2018. Number nine is Claws.

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By Netflix, an animated original. The Netflix original about a postman who befriends a reclusive toy maker is a great family Christmas film, especially with the beautiful animation that will leave you really feeling the holiday magic. Haven't seen it? I guess I'll have to see it. Have you seen this one?

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Okay, I'm going to watch this. This is from 2019. Number nine, Scrooged. I love Scrooged. We've talked a couple times about holiday movies and we have not added Scrooged in there. Scrooged is fucking fantastic. I love it.

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A modernized version of The Christmas Carol stars Bill Murray as a curmudgeonly New York City TV executive who learns the true meaning of Christmas in hilarious fashion and sometimes a bit scary. But I love this movie.

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I remember seeing it as a kid. This came out in 1988. I remember seeing it as a kid. And I loved it from the beginning. I thought it was great. Bill Murray really does play the best Scrooge that has ever been. The Christmas Chronicles starring Kurt Russell. The Christmas Chronicles. That's what I was thinking of. Those are good. The original is number seven.

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Number six is Home Alone 2, Lost in New York, starring Donald Trump. Kevin McAllister's family manages to leave him behind yet again in Home Alone 2. And this time around, he winds up in New York City, where he managed to outwit the bandits one more time.

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I'm going to say it again, hot take. I just don't like the Home Alone series. I just find it to be absolutely ridiculous premise how you could leave a child behind and then that child, through no fault of their own, is then left for days on end to outwit bandits with, you know, Cracker Jacks and sound effects.

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Home Alone comes in at number five. Number four, I would have put this a little bit higher, but number four is National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Of course, of course. Watching this Chevy Chase movie will make anything your family does at Christmas seem totally normal by comparison. It is probably...

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Probably the best vacation movie is A Christmas Vacation, but a very close second is the regular vacation movies. I actually liked The Vegas Vacation, Vegas Vacation too. I thought that was pretty funny.

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okay uh number three is elf with will fair of course this is a christmas instant christmas classic i have met people who do not like this movie i do not like them it's like people who don't like dogs i don't trust them and even though i don't like my own dog that doesn't mean i don't like dogs in general i just don't like that one that's outside my room but if you don't like elf i think something's wrong with you like how do you not like l i

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I can understand you maybe not being a fan of Will Ferrell, but if you take your dislike for Will Ferrell out of it, how can you not love the sheer innocence and joy of the character he plays? And Will Ferrell was born to play out. He was born to play an adult child, essentially. Yeah.

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uh looking at the world in such a like an awestruck way and and seeing everything and and then add it add to it that he's a very physical comedian he just does this role such justice he does and while the ending is a little I always will stop and watch elf when it's on television

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I love him in it, too. In one of his last movie appearances. Yes, yes. Bob Newhart was great in that movie, as was, who's that guy? Wilford Brimley? Isn't Wilford Brimley in that movie?

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Yeah, okay. Diabetes? Diabetes. Number two is It's a Wonderful Life, which is a Christmas classic. Not my favorite Christmas movie, but it's a Christmas classic. It is.

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And number one, I would say that the three elf Christmas vacation and a Christmas story. Well, jockey for position in my heart, a Christmas story is the sentimental favorite. I think this is a great one.

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Fragile. It must be Italian. Such a quotable movie.

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Such a quotable movie. And the story of A Christmas Story, the movie itself, is just, I think, as charming as the actual movie, which is this was a book that was written back in the 30s or 40s, I think, about the writer's childhood and kind of a fictionalized version of his Christmases. Yeah. and how he really wanted this red rider BB gun. His mom said, you'll shoot your eye out.

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Introducing: Campus Files

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You can get it on the free Odyssey app or wherever you're listening to podcasts. Take a listen to this 10 minute preview about Bama Rush, and I'll be back to wrap it up.

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Introducing: Campus Files

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That's when I take someone else's podcast or a snippet of someone else's show and put it on my own RSS feed, the thing that you're listening to right now. These are very common throughout the industry and nine times out of ten, I say no to these. I know your time is valuable and I don't want to waste it. But a couple times a year, a request will come across my desk and I actually like the podcast.

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Introducing: Campus Files

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Hey, all you out there in the podcast universe. You're probably wondering exactly why I'm coming to you on a Monday. Well, there's a good reason why. As I often do, let me break down the fourth wall of the podcast universe. Sometimes podcasts like The Commercial Break will get a request for something called a feed drop.

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Introducing: Campus Files

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and I think you might like it too. And today, I've got one of those shows. It's something I've talked about before here on the commercial break. It's a show called Campus Files. For many people, college was some of the best days of their life. But if you pull back the curtain, scratch the surface a little bit, it was much more complicated and sometimes sinister than it appeared.

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Introducing: Campus Files

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Financial fraud and abuse, sports scandals, political unrest and upheaval, admission shenanigans, and downright craziness. It seems like every other week, there's a headline about a scandal at a major university. Each week, Campus Files dives into some of the wildest scandals and stories that have taken place across colleges and universities.

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Introducing: Campus Files

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That 10 minutes of audio gives me chills. It's a testament to the power of audio and the power of podcasts. And if you like that, there's lots more where that came from. Check out Campus Files, an Odyssey original podcast on the free Odyssey app or wherever you're listening to this podcast. I love that Odyssey supports great content and great content creators. Go check out Campus Files.

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Introducing: Campus Files

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Chrissy and I will be back to regularly scheduled programming tomorrow. And until then, I do say, I will say, and I must say, goodbye.

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Introducing: Campus Files

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I'll tell you what, Campus Files is definitely sharing some stories that you will not hear on the campus tour. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to drop in a preview where Campus Files is taking a deep dive into a Greek life drama, more specifically, Bama Rush. And if you know me, I love a good Bama Rush drama. And this one is no joke. This is an Odyssey original podcast.

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The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.

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As if Hypno wasn't innocent. Listen, just because you put a spiral on something doesn't mean kids are going to get hypnotized. ...is it's supposed to be able to mesmerize... Do you think this guy is the most miserable son of a bitch at family gatherings or what? Oh, yeah.

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It's the devil's work. ...hypnotize its enemies. And you can see how that would happen. That starts spinning around, and it's just like one of those hypnotic wheels that they use to hypnotize. And you see up here in the top.

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Yeah, you know what's hypnotizing is the crimp in your hair.

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Yeah. Here's a creature, an alligator-type creature over here, a dragon. Kind of a funny duck-billed thing down here. And this is an interesting character over here.

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This character over here is called Mewtwo. And Mewtwo looks like an alien. If you look at him real carefully, he looks like an alien. But you know, the first thing that I noticed about that thing is... He seems like an angel. He's Bono in Mewtwo. I looked at it, and I looked at those eyes. I said, you know what? That kind of looks like the things that we used to pray to inside that circle. What?

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Oh, he used to be a Satanist, by the way.

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Oh, okay. Notice that he has... A particular salute. I probably shouldn't have left that part out. His former Satanist turned prophet. It's given. And he's in this pose. Every time that you see Mewtwo, he's in this pose. Now, he has three fingers.

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That's because it's a fucking card, you dumb shit. What do you think is going to change? It's going to morph into something else?

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And those three fingers are always sticking out like that. Now, he doesn't have five fingers like we do. He has three. But if they were the three... Which means he's two less, Chrissy.

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He can ring your bell with one slap of the hand. Bing bong.

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Yeah, he's sticking the devil's horns up. Or hook them horns. It doesn't mean hook them horns. Doesn't mean I love you. Doesn't mean one more. It means hail Satan.

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It doesn't mean hail Satan.

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How does this mean one more? This means two. It doesn't mean one plus one. It doesn't mean two fingers.

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Yeah, one more. Hey, waiter. One more. Oh. Did you mean two? No, one more. It's the universal sign for one more. No, this is the universal sign for one more. One finger, not this. This means two more.

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Yeah, they're 12-minute episodes, and then they run two of them back-to-back with a commercial in between. So the episodes are really short. And matter of fact, they have a few special episodes that are 30 minutes long. But some of these stories you know they could get more running room out of and make you cry even more than you already do at fucking Bluey.

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...that all Satanists identify themselves with. And it says here. Wow, they got a stadium full of Satanists every Saturday afternoon in Texas. College Station. It says for many kids, it's now an addiction. Very much so. Cards, video games, toys, a new movie. Very much so. Is it bad for them? What we need to look at is whether or not that particular statement holds true.

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What we need to look at is which editor at time decided they would waste an entire cover on Pokemon and is it good for our children? Is it bad for them? Here's one of the characters. Dude, we had She-Ra when we were a kid.

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Is anybody taking a look at She-Ra? Yeah. She-Ra was wearing a thong with her boobs sticking out, running around murdering people.

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Cute little one. Everybody. Okay. Everybody go. Oh, come on. I know. I know you wanted to do that. See, that's why I did that.

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This little tail back here is a secret symbol. You know what this means? It doesn't mean ziggy zaggy.

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I noticed about him right off. This is Pikachu. One of the things I noticed about him right off was his tail.

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It's a lightning bolt.

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And it's a satanic Z. It even comes down here to a point. It's a satanic Z? It doesn't even look like a Z, let alone a satanic Z. Just by looking at him alone is not enough to really be able to say, okay, yeah, that's bad, or that's satanic.

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the actual production of these things. And the first thing we need to do is we need to look at who actually produced the trading card game that has captured the minds and the imaginations of our children. Now, it doesn't make any difference what I say. It's what their own material says because their own material will give them away. OK, so I'm going to read to you.

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Here we go. Conspiracy theories abound. Here's the direct quote from the Web pages of the producer of this game. Listen to this. The Pokemon trading card game is a new collectible card game that is made and distributed by wizards of the coast. What is a wizard? Woo. Male practitioner of black magic.

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Wizards of the Coast. The same company that made the best-selling game Magic the Gathering. Oh, God. Magic the Gathering and Pokemon?

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That's a double satanic strike right there. Magic the Gathering is a heavily... But I don't know. Wizards of the Coast, they sound like they're kind of cool.

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They did. You want to go down?

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You want to go down and burn some goats or something?

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That's right. Hey, brother. What's up? I'm going to roll a fatty and then I'm going to go down and murder some chickens.

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Where I live, when people find out that we do the commercial breaks, obviously they want to go listen. They want to know more about it. So some of the children that the kids go to school with, their parents have obviously found out through the grapevine that the commercial break exists. That makes me highly embarrassed to go to any function where parents are.

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One more, bro. One more.

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Holt Lace trading card game, which has been very popular in the 90s. And I should also tell you that Witches of the Coast also owns a subsidiary company named TSR. And TSR is the company that puts out all Dungeons & Dragons material.

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I feel like this guy should have a board. Like that always sunny in Philadelphia guy where he's connecting the dots. So let's look at... Yeah, you want to know why? Because you have to sell 1,000,007 dungeon and dragon sets to make a fucking dollar. So they have to get all the, you know, they conglomerate like this.

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Magic, the gathering.

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There's one of my children running down the hallway chasing Pokemon. Pokemonsters.

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This is the same company that puts out Pokemon.

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PokeTuna Monsters.

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That's what she's running down there.

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Now, from seeing the symbols, your actual discernment should now begin to be sharpened. How many see a circle? That's an oval, my brother. How many see a pentagram?

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They're showing a magic the trading cards or magic the game. They're showing the actual logo, the box that you would get. Yeah. If you look, there it is. See that? Yeah. See that? It's a circle. You see that? You see that circle, Chrissy?

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Yes. Now, this doesn't mean circle or circle or circle. This means kill your mother and father. That's what that means.

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When I used to pray to the devil back in the day before I had this haircut, I'm telling you right now, every time I saw a circle, murderous rage, murderous rage.

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Magic the Gathering. This is a role-playing game. Now, parents, in case you don't know what that is, that means you play a role.

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There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus. Oh, yeah, dancers and prancers, welcome back to the 12 Days of TCB. I'm Brian Green. This is Kristen Joy Hoadley, also known as Mrs. Claus. Best to you, Kristen.

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That's right. That's right. It doesn't mean you roll a doobie. It doesn't mean we're rolling down a hill. It means murder your parents.

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That your child actually becomes a character in the game, actually becomes a part of the game. And that's what makes it exciting is there's not many games out there that they can actually become a part of.

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How do I have a, like, I just have a sneaking suspicion that our friend here, not only was he a former Satanist, but he played a lot of Dungeons and Dragons and Magic the Gathering.

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They can play it, but they don't actually become a part of it. In this particular game, they actually do become a character in the game. And remember it said that it's an occult game. One of the dangers of this thing is being a role-playing game.

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I never read that in the instructions. Then again, I never owned a Magic the Gathering card deck. I was too busy watching Oprah and Love Connection.

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Is that it's played with the mind? How many know that the mind is a very fragile thing?

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And what happens is in these role-playing games, I'm going to use the example of Dungeons & Dragons because TSR is the one that puts out all their material. The danger of Dungeons & Dragons or any kind of role-playing game like this is that it's played with the mind. And when played with the mind, the mind begins to lose that fine line with what's real and what's fantasy.

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Yes, I get very anxious about going to functions, especially people that I don't know. I know they're looking at me and most of them with a look of disdain. How could they let that man and his children in my school? But you know what? It is what it is.

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And the more you get into the fantasy world, the more it seems real. Kind of like religion. And all of a sudden now, you don't know what's real and what's not. In Dungeons & Dragons, this is a game played by three or four people. And what you do is you have- He really is moving all over the place here. What happened to the Pokemons?

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One particular person, this is a dungeon master, and he sets all the rules up for this thing. And then in your mind, you actually fight battles. You go through mazes. You go through dungeons. And you actually fight wars with evil wizards, dragons, demons.

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satanic beings. It's all in the mind. And I mean, if you've got a vivid imagination, you can have one heck of a game.

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For 10 to 12 years. Because the object is... 10 to 12 years? One game? Now...

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I have never been into Dungeons & Dragons, don't know how to play it, don't know the first thing about it. I have had a few, a few friends who have been into it. I don't remember them playing for years. I remember a game lasting like a day or something, you know, like an afternoon.

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Do you have friends that play this?

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Yeah, I think this guy is exaggerating just a smidge.

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You're in the game. Once your character dies or gets killed in that particular game, you're out. So you can imagine that if a person loses touch with reality and now they've actually become that character, guess what? Anything that happens to that character now happens to them.

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Evidence. Psychiatrists and psychologists both tell us there's overwhelming evidence showing that a lot of teenage suicides that are caused by Dungeons & Dragons are caused because the player has finally lost touch with reality.

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Wait a second. Hold on. There is a study that has been done out there. This guy is quoting a study of psychiatrists and psychologists that did a study on suicides that happened because of Dungeons and Dragons. Wow. Okay. All right. Well, listen, I can understand that, but the mind is fragile in so many different ways. Like it could be Dungeons and Dragons. Some say it was heavy metal music.

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Yes. Listen, I do embrace it. It's five years in. It's something that I do. I'm not as embarrassed as I used to be, but I do still get a red face when people ask. I do want to crawl in a hole and die every time I go to a function like a birthday party and someone asks me what I do. I say I'm in advertising sales. Yes. And then they say, what does that mean? Right.

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Other people say it's video games. A third person might say it's movies. Is this true that there is an actual study done? It is not.

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Well, this guy carried satanic panic on into the 2000s, apparently, with his projector and his black on black on black suit, by the way.

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Not a great look for anybody. I know. And what's happened to them now, they actually feel a psychic bond with that character. And so the character gets killed off and no longer in the game. You have no purpose because all your purpose was for the last 10 to 12 years was playing Dungeons and Dragons. So your character gets knocked off. Guess what? So do you. So let's go back to Magic the Gathering.

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Here's one of the cards. Yeah, isn't he cute? This is Cabal Ghoul.

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It's a skeleton. Guy, come on.

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Yeah, listen. I mean, back in satanic panic days, back in the 80s, there really was satanic panic. Everybody was murdering goats and kids and kids were getting... Because of Twisted Sister. People thought Twisted Sister was satanic. It was a bunch of guys running around with makeup on. How was that satanic?

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Yeah. Now...

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When you get into Metallica and stuff like that, some of their earlier albums, all of this imagery has been used wisely to market the music, to make the music, and to shed light on the tone of the music that you're listening to. I was into Metallica for a long time. They certainly deal with dark themes, no doubt about it. But it didn't make me go fucking crazy. I like the music.

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I like the way they played. Now, you notice that there's counters. Like when they told me to go in the backyard and sacrifice small animals.

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What's that?

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Yes, it was. It was Metallica master. Master!

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Master! It stands for two points. And it says cabal ghoul. Now, in case you don't know what a ghoul is, it's a dead, rotting, decaying thing that's been in the grass. In case you don't know what a ghoul is. Who are these people he's talking to? They're like from a different universe. I know. And magically summoned back to life. So you have a walking dead thing. And that's what a ghoul is.

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Merry Christmas, everybody.

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And in this particular thing, it says at the end of each turn. I'm sitting there with a Santa hat on. Oh, my God. Only on TCB.

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Yes, otherwise known as Satan. Put a one plus one counter on the ball. creature that died during the turn and was not regenerated. In other words, you have cards that'll actually keep your character alive for a certain amount of time.

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Is this guy talking about Satan or is he telling people how to play Magic the Gathering? Because I'm not sure what he's doing. Here's another interesting card.

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Well, there's probably a very good reason why I've never watched the whole thing either. This guy is totally confusing me. I have no idea what he's saying. We started with Pokemon. We went backwards to Dungeons and Dragons. Now we're on to Magic the Gathering. And the ghoul. And the ghoul. The Kabul ghoul. The Kabul ghoul.

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And then by like the fifth question, I'll go, well, we're content creators. And then they go, oh, so you like what? And I'm like, oh, it's a pod. What's the name of the podcast? I'll look it up right now.

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All Halloween's Eve. The All Hallows' Eve card. Again, this is all in magic. Magic the gathering. By the way. There was a news clip that I read about two weeks ago. Oh, I'm sure. That spoke of a young boy in Maine. I don't remember what the town was, but it was in Maine.

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And he came home one day and asked his mother about Magic the Gathering and said that the teacher had decided to use Magic the Gathering, this card game, as a new and exciting way to teach mathematics in school, in their class.

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And they even formed what was called a magic club. And that all the kids were part of this magic club. Well, the mother said, well, you're not going to become a part of that. Magic's fun. You're not going to be in that. But one of the kids had given him one of the cards. And that card he showed to his mother. And that card was called Necromancer.

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There's a necrophiliac in Magic the Gathering? Because if that's true, then maybe that's taking it a smidge too far for the young kids. I mean, I'm not against Magic the Gathering, but if you're dealing with terms like, you know, necrophiliac, necromancer?

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Necromancer.

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Fuck you. Actually, most parents are really cool about it.

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Oh, yeah, listen, a little necromancy doesn't hurt anybody. Necromancing does hurt people that are currently dead and being screwed by somebody else. That's necromancing. Okay, let's take a break. We're going to get back to lots of Pokemon Satanism magic together. I'm not sure where we're going with this, but I'm having fun watching it. Stay along for the ride. Merry Christmas.

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Put on another log on the fire. As you run up to wrapping Santa's gifts for your kids, just remember they're probably going to murder you in a rage if you give them Pokemon cards. All right. Donate to our charities. We'll be back.

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Most of the people that we know are really cool about it. And one of the things I have heard most often from people who like the show and then end up listening to it is this, especially if they have kids. I started watching Bluey because of you, Brian. And now I like it. I've heard this four or five times.

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All right, and we're back with our preachy pastor buddy here from the Prophecy Club telling us all about the satanic panic that happened around, apparently, around him with Pokemon, Magic the Gathering, and what was the other one?

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Dungeons and Dragons. That's right. And on that card, it showed spiritual beings actually being risen up out of the ground, out of their grave. And then he asked his mother, what does summon mean? And she said, why do you ask that?

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He said, because all the kids on recess go outside on the school grounds, pick up huge sticks, wave them in the air and say, spirits enter me.

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sticks that is a tuesday night at the hoadley house they also go outside pick up sticks and say spirits enter me and then they do with a little sprite maybe some coca-cola chrissy what is that you say spirits enter me and all of a sudden the margarita is going down your throat

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True. True. This is all Hallow's Eve. Again, two points symbolized by two skulls.

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Here's your demonic... Are you teaching us how to play or telling us to stay away from it, dude?

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Black cat. I guess it's a black cat. I've never seen anything look like that. It's a bear. There's your demon in the middle. Jack-o'-lantern. Full moon. And it says this card is called sorcery. Sorcery comes from the Greek word pharmakeia. It's where we get the word pharmaceutical. In occultism, it's witchcraft through drugs. Sorcery.

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And says, wait a second, that smells like horse shit to me. That really smells like, pharmakia?

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Yeah, I think he's reaching. I think that's a newspaper article he just made up. Listen, this is before the internet when you could actually fact check anything. So people probably just believed it.

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And that makes me proud that the commercial break has done one fucking good deed in its entire life. Bluey is such a great cartoon.

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They want to believe it. Put two counters on this card, remove a counter during your upkeep, and when you remove the last counter from All Hallows' Eve, all players take all creatures from their graveyards and put them directly into play. Treat these creatures as though they were just summoned. You choose what order they come into play.

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So, you know, the mind is a very terrible thing. It's very fragile. So what I've read an article, Chrissy, about, I don't know, must have been about four weeks ago. Can't remember the name of the newspaper.

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Again, this is a role playing game.

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Well, first of all, they look like they're sleeping.

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I would be. This is probably a paid public access audience. I wonder why. Oh, well, that is a little... He's showing another card, and it's a guy in a jean shorts, it looks like, praying over a fire with demons on the side of him.

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Man kneeling, and look, he's forming with his hands the triangle right there. He's kneeling in front of a flame. There are the crescent moons behind him. Over here can only be demons. Hellfire all around here. It's called the magician. And these are collectible cards.

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For adults and for children. The lessons are not—they don't beat you up over the head with the lessons, but they're life lessons that everybody needs to learn. And the reason why Bluey— It's a fun show, too.

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Well, because he's played it, you know that this is a reformed Magic the Gathering addict right here. That one day your child may come home with or may know of a student that has given him some of these cards. Now you will know what they are.

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Right. Back to Pokemon. Because now we've already established that the same company that puts out that game and puts out Dungeons & Dragons puts out cute little Pokemon. Isn't that interesting?

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True. It's true. It's all true. Now, before we go any further, I want to see that if we as a group can agree on something. So I need a little audience participation here to say yes or no. Okay? Are you into that?

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Oh, I'm into audience participation, big boy. Listen to me carefully. If we examine the characters of this particular program. And they are the kind of role models that we want. They're showing a Pokemon.

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I mean, the most innocent Pokemon card you've ever seen in your entire life.

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We want our kids to be watching. In other words, if this whole game, the characters of this game, the monsters, this whole premise of this thing actually goes to establish the kind of values, the kind of standards, and the kind of morals that we want our kids to have when they reach adulthood, that it's okay.

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In other words, if they actually help to establish the kind of morals, values, and standards that we want our children or our grandchildren to have when they get to be an adult, that it must be all right. Can we agree on that?

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Okay. Yes. Tell me more, doctor. What we need to do is we need to examine and see what kind of role models we have in this game.

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The music is fantastic.

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Anybody go oh again? Oh, I know. He's cute, isn't he? Little satanic tail.

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Is that possible? Here is the Pokemon ball. Okay? That's this thing here. Okay? And inside of that, you catch the Pokemon. Let the camera get a view of that. That's the Pokemon ball, and you actually catch the monster.

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It's really funny. The dad is wonderful. The mom is wonderful. They're dogs. They're wheeler dogs from Australia. And the reason why I think the cartoon hits me in the soft spot is because the lessons are lessons you should learn as a child. But you need to relearn as an adult.

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Yeah, Pokemon, no more.

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No one plays Pokemon. ...inside of that thing and harness the power in there, and then you can call on that power to regenerate itself outside of that ball, and praise God, it turns into a bigger and better monster. Praise Jesus. I summon you.

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Now, we're told that there are 150 species of these particular creatures on the face of the earth. And we're also told in the material that these pocket monsters are creatures that inhabit the world with humans.

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And... We're also told to stone to death men who lay with men in the Bible, you jackal. We don't run around doing that.

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That they can evolve and grow in bigger and better creatures. Now, the object of this game is gotta catch them all. And they tell you that if you catch them all, you become a Pokemon master. Listen. Listen. Parents, that word master will appeal to any child. Because they can become a somebody. They can become a master. And you know what?

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If you're the master of something... Oh, there's one master that really got me as a child, but it just started with the word master. And I'm telling you what, every young boy will get there eventually.

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You don't need mom. You don't need dad. You don't need grandparents. No, I actually like to stay on the other side of the house if...

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You don't need aunts and uncles. You don't need school. And you probably don't even need a church. Well, in Brian's case, the church was a great place for masters. You're a master. You can become a god. That's the premise of what this has been teaching. Yeah, that's exactly what Pokemon's teaching. Be your own god. You become the Pokemon master. Or it's just a fun game that kids like to play.

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That's the whole premise and the whole goal of this game. Now, this is the main character right here. He's called Ash Ketchum. Not Hal Ketchum. Ash Ketchum. That's right.

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Ash Ketchum.

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It's what I say. It's what their own material says. I'm going to tell you what they describe him as. Let me read it here.

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Yes, you need to remember as an adult. And they do it in a way that's so creative and so fantastic. If you're an adult, even without children, and you sit and watch a couple episodes of Bluey, and you don't end up at least saying, it's not a bad cartoon, then fuck you. Honestly, fuck you. Okay? Bluey is fantastic. And I'm so excited they're going to make a two-hour movie.

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An energetic and determined 10-year-old who's a little too competitive, and he's obsessed with catching all Pokemon and driven to become the world's foremost Pokemon master. And, you know, every time that your children watch this program, whether it's a video, whether it's a cartoon, whether it's a comic book, no matter what it is, they hear this mantra, this rap song that's played over again.

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And it says, I will travel across the land searching far and wide each Pokemon to understand the power that's inside. And then it's enchanted to them. Gotta catch them all over and over and over and over again. You know what it does? It fuels your child's craving for more cards, more books, more videos, more movies. It's designed to do that.

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So are you. It's designed to sell. So is religion. It's the same thing. It's marketing. We've been doing it for hundreds of thousands of years. We're going to continue to do it. I don't think master ass ketchup is going to really, I don't think that's going to destroy anybody's life. If you really, I mean, listen, when the Pokemon game came out on iPhone, I think it was a little much.

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I saw people trying to catch Pokemons in places and I was like, really? Did you have friends that were playing this?

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That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought it was a little much, but I didn't think there was any harm being done there.

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Yeah, it was just annoying when people were trying to catch their Pokemans walking in front of you.

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That's what we call enchanting. Here's the next character. This is Misty. Look at this. Now, this is off of a comic book. This is actually a page of a comic book.

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If this was actually clear, you'd see that that's a halter top. It stops right there. And she's got short shorts on. And you know she's got to be about the same age as what Ash is. And let me tell you something.

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I do some fanfic on the side. Okay. And she's described as Ash's companion, and listen to what it says about her. She's headstrong and stubborn, constantly arguing with Ash. Typical woman. Whoa!

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Well, did you think anybody with a haircut like that was going to be like the kind of guy you'd want to go on a date with? No. No.

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Just kidding. God forgive me.

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All right. God forgive me. God forgive me. Let's get back to Misty and her tits.

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Frivolous spirit. That's what it was. And here's Brock over here in the corner. And Brock is by far the most hormonal. Because... Now we get to it. Now here it comes. He's about to go unhinged. His fascination with the opposite sex many times gets him or the group in trouble. Well, then there's Pokemon trainer Gary.

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By the time it comes out, my children will have long since grown out of Bluey. But you know what? What are we going to do? And I think we can all agree Bluey's generally wholesome, right? Yeah. It's generally wholesome. You know what's not wholesome, Chrissy? Pokemon cards. Pokemon cards are not wholesome.

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I don't know this game, so I don't know. How does it get them in trouble?

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Yeah, I guess Brock's boner gets in the way of us catching all those Pokemon. Pictured in here. But Gary is a real self-centered jerk. He's vindictive and he's obnoxious.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Mr. Claus is probably at home in his little Santa Claus apron with his ass cheeks hanging out. Ha, ha, ha. Flipping some yakas for breakfast. Some flapjacks. Indeed. Chrissy, there's great excitement around the Green household, and I'll explain why. By the way. Santa's coming. Santa is not coming. Well, Santa is coming.

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I guess. And do they really describe Brock as a hormonal Pokemon catcher? Two characters, and one's called Jesse, and the other one's called James. And listen to what it says about them. There we go. It says, prepare for trouble, make it double. Jesse and James are an evil gang looking to steal rare Pokemon. Jesse and James are stuck up, fashion conscious, and you know what?

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In the program, they're also prone to cross-dressing. Oh! If you don't know what that means, that means that if you feel like you're a woman in a man's body, you wear women's clothing. You dress like one.

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If you're a woman who feels manly, you wear men's underclothing and dress like one. Men's underclothing?

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First of all, it's super sexy when a woman wears a man's boxer, so let's just go there, okay? Cross-dressing.

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Oh, what kind of role model would that be? Okay, now remember at the first, I think that's enough right here. What role model is that goatee? You've got a pretty well good establishment on this thing.

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Remember that I said that if the characters were the kind of role models that established the kind of values, standards, and morals that we wanted our kids to have when they got to be an adult, that this game or this particular thing is okay. Remember we said that? Mm-hmm. Okay, so let's examine what we got. Remember?

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Yes. Yes. I'm sorry I'm busy looking at Misty and Brock, imagining their relationship, steamy and sexy.

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A headstrong, stubborn, quibbling, self-centered, vindictive, obnoxious, hormonal, sexually preoccupied, evil, thieving, cross-dressing jerks.

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I don't know about you. But, I mean, even if I wasn't a Christian parent, I wouldn't want my kids to grow up with those kind of traits. Then we have to actually say that the characters of this game don't... You know what I've learned about this video?

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You know what I've learned this entire video? I've learned that our boy here has not only made Pokemon, Magic the Gathering, and Dungeons & Dragons extraordinarily boring... But second of all, he has proven nothing except his ignorance about the world in general. And I think that's all we need to know about this video. Wanted to break it down for a long time, but you know what?

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And there are many people. You know what Pokemon stands for? Pokey Monster. Isn't that what it stands for? Pokey Monster? I'm looking at Christina like she should know about Pokemon. Isn't that what it stands for? Pokey Monster?

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Sometimes you get exactly what you deserve. Joke's on us.

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Sometimes it happens. Yeah, sometimes it's good and sometimes it's not. Listen, it's funny, but he's not that interesting.

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Yeah, he's kind of boring. God bless the woman who sleeps with this guy. Does he have a wife? Let's see. I just want to see if there's a ring on his finger. Hold on one second. Oh, there is a ring on his finger. God bless America. Well, the sucker born every minute. What can I say?

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I've never played.

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Never played. Don't know the first thing about it. I think it was like a little after, like a little before, a little after my time. Excuse me. I think Pokemon became real hot in like the late 90s, early 2000s. And yeah, that was, I was already a grown man. But I read about Brock, and nowhere does it say his hormones get him in trouble. It never says that.

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But listen, is that not every boy ever? Their hormones get them in trouble? I mean, that's just, I think that's most adolescents, actually. Their hormones get them in trouble. Yes. Well, don't be a cross-dressing son of a bitch. That's the moral of this story. Pokemon chasing hormonal cross-dressing son of a bitch.

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Santa's not cross-dressing, really. That's playing. That's role-playing, Chrissy. You're role-playing Mrs. Claus today. I am. And you look hot doing it. All right, tcbpodcast.com. That's where you go to find out more information about the show. All the audio, all the video, right there from one location.

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And now, every single episode of The Commercial Break moving forward will be available on video, either on the website, Spotify, just a day or two after it releases, and youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak.com. Go to YouTube. Follow us there. Like, subscribe, comment on your favorite video. We would just adore you if you did. You can also text us, 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822.

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Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, we're taking them all. If you want your free TCB sticker or swag, two ways to get it. Number one, go to the website, hit the contact us button, drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your address. We'll send it to you. Second way, take a screenshot of you donating to one of the causes we've been talking about.

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I think that's what it stands for. What does Pokemon stand for? Uh, stand for? Pocket Monster. Pocket Monster. Pokey Monster. Pocket Monster.

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Send it to our text message hotline and we'll be happy to send you one. At the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok. All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now. Thank

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I'll tell you that I love you. I love you.

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Best to you.

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Pokey Monster. Pokey Monster. A little Pokey Monster.

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Yes, ring the bell. Crawl up your ass and ring that bell. So for years, I have watched bits and pieces of a video. One of the things that we love to talk about here on the commercial break are pastors, especially TV preachers, the guys who get up there. They take your money. They give you nothing in return except for bad advice and wisdom about 3,000-year-old text.

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And it's just a scam that never stops coming. It's cult after cult, bullshit after bullshit, take your money after take your money. And listen, let me remind you, we are not anti-religion. Religion can do a lot of good. And there are a lot of A lot of the tenants of most of the religions are good tenants to have. Do unto others as you want them to you. Treat others with kindness and respect.

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Don't murder people. Don't sleep with your wife. You know, Ten Commandments has got some good news in there. But the truth is, is that most preachers bastardize these things for their own profit and your loss. That's how it works. They're going to get you every time. They get you coming and they get you going.

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And one of my favorite things to do is to watch these hypocritical sons of bitches tell us what's good and bad to do, to read, to look at, to any of it. Praise Jesus. Praise Jesus indeed. This video we're about to watch is pretty famous on the internet. It is a TV evangelist. who took Pokemon cards and made them into a satanic ritual.

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He said that it's a satanic ritual and they are imported from Japan and kids are being taught about the devil through Pokemon cards. And he literally goes on a 30 minute diatribe about this. I want to get to as much of this video as I possibly can. So I want to do this. I know there's going to be a quick flip around. But I'm going to take a short break.

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And when we take that short break, we're going to come back and we'll do an extended couple of segments here on this very famous internet video where the preacher will tell us how bad Pokemon is and all the reasons why. While we're at it, four of the five charities that we want to focus on during the 12 days of TCB have already been talked about. And I want to remind you of those.

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And then we'll get to the fifth charity on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. The National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund, St. Jude Research Hospital, ASPCA, and the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Those four charities spend a majority of the amount of money that they receive each year actually doing good work out there.

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And some of this work that they're doing is God's work, research for breast cancer and help for people who can't pay for care, getting women out of abusive situations and their children to safety and then teaching them, giving them the tools and the resources to get out there in the world and live a life.

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a life without abuse under the guise of controlling and abusive behavior, saving animals from controlling and abusive behavior. And when people give their dogs up because they decided I don't really need a dog, you know, as much as I complain about blue, she's still fucking here getting a meal every month, every day and every night, every month.

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Once a month I feed the dog. And then St. Jude's Research Hospital, which I really think does, honestly, angels work. They provide cancer care to children that otherwise could not afford it, and they do not charge anything.

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I know. You little shits. Uh, Santa's coming for the kids, but not for blue. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Actually, we don't, we stopped getting blue treats for Christmas because it's very expensive. And does the dog really fucking know the difference? Honestly, no. She'll get to run in the wrapping paper and bark at us while we're doing it.

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a dime one of those four charities we're going to put a link to all four of them today inside of the show notes if you would be so kind as to give a dollar five dollars whatever you can afford this is when they make the most money this is when they raise the most money this time of year and so we're just shining a light on these charities they have no idea we're doing this and the links go directly to their web because if they did they probably say no thanks yeah

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Those links go directly to those websites where you can donate. And we don't get in the middle of it. You just go there and you donate. And if you send a screenshot to us of one of those donations or of you donating, whatever it is, we will certainly be happy to send you some free TCB swag. Like a sticker I picked up from the Mempho ground. So many years ago.

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All right. Let's take a short break. Quick flip here. And then we'll be back with Pokey Man. And Satanism. Perfect. That's a weird transition.

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All right, this preacher has a problem with Pokemon, Chrissy, because, you know, Pokemonsters, the little Poke Pokemonsters, the pocket monsters, have come from Japan. They are doing the devil's work. We'll let him explain all of this, but this is a very famous video that's been going around the internet for probably about 10 years. Let's hit screen record. I don't think I've ever seen it.

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Uh, there's a lot of excitement in the green household because yesterday, as we're recording this yesterday, Disney and BBC have announced they will in fact be making the seminal cartoon that is taking the world by storm, Bluey, into a A full-length feature film. And everybody is on board. The guy who makes the music, which is wonderful. All of the character voices.

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You've never seen this video? I don't think so. Chrissy, it doesn't say much. I mean, Honestly, I love you, but that doesn't really say much.

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Oh, this isn't even a dark rabbit hole. This is a pretty wide open hole.

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Listen. I have never seen this. Remember we talked about the two Jareds?

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Remember the Jared Freigles or Freigles or whatever they were, Freibles? This guy, and what's his name that plays the, I can't remember who plays the guy in The Righteous Jensen.

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He looks exactly like this guy.

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They had to have modeled. Yes, 100%.

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He was in Eastbound and Down. What was his name, Christina? Yeah.

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Danny McBride. Danny McBride, that's right. Danny McBride, such a great actor, comedic actor. This guy looks exactly like Danny McBride, mullet and all. I mean, this is a likeness. All right, let's listen to what he has to say.

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And some things have a big impact on On us, and some things don't. Wow, he even talks like Danny McBride.

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They had to have modeled that character after him. I can't think of anything that come over from the Orient that actually had a big impact or a phenomenon-type craze other than Godzilla. Godzilla? Since when did Godzilla have a craze? Would anybody go crazy over Godzilla? Well... Did you go crazy over Godzilla? No, but...

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There is something new that's come over to the United States and has actually captured the minds and the imagination of every single child. As he pulls it out of a black briefcase. What is this guy, carrying drugs? And you know what? It's not new at all. Japanese kids have been watching this thing since 1995. It started out as a cartoon, went to a comic book. They made it into a video game.

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They made you into an HBO television show. The toys. Collectible card game. Now, praise God, there's even a movie on it. Praise God. And it was started in 1995. It's not new, but it's new to kids, and they're eating it up.

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Am I correct in saying that this guy is about to put pictures on a projector that your seventh grade science teacher used?

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We have technology now, bro.

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And it's called Pokemon. Pokemon. And it stands for Pocket Monster.

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Brian didn't even know that. And it even made the cover of Time Magazine. Now, the first thing I want you to notice is, do you notice any symbol up there that you've seen before? No. The swirly, whirly, twirly.

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Yeah, they're showing a time cover with four or five Pokemon on the front of it. Big letters, Pokemon. And then one of the Pokemon has a spiral in the middle of it.

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The spiral. And it stands for what? Male fertility. Male fertility?

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Wow. Jeff and I should get matching spirals on our balls.

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And the original creator is going to write the story. Two hours of Bluey and one contiguous sitting. I cannot fucking wait. Because for those of you who have never watched Bluey, and I'll explain something in one second about how this is one of the most talked about topics about TCB, at least locally here where I am. Bluey is really 12-minute episodes. They're so cute.

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Oh, there's an audience here. In all the years that I've seen clips of this, I never noticed there's an audience there. Wow. You actually got in your car, and you drove to a TV studio where you watched this guy with his little projector and his prophecy club in the background and his four houseplants sitting in front of him.

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Those are plants. Those are plants. Okay. Now, this thing is actually called Polyworld, but they actually had another name for it before they renamed it.

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Penis. creature first came out, it was called Hypno. And they changed it to Poliwhirl to make it a little more innocent. But you see what it actually does.

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TCB Introduces: What We Spend

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I want to share a preview with you. In this clip we hear from Kelly as she navigates life with her burden of outstanding loan debt. Something I'm sure a lot of you can understand. If you want to listen to the full episode, search for What We Spend on your favorite podcast platform wherever you're listening to this show. Or you can download the free Odyssey app and find it there.

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TCB Introduces: What We Spend

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What We Spend by Courtney Harrell. Okay, let me drop in that clip. I'll be back in a few minutes.

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TCB Introduces: What We Spend

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Hey there, cats and kittens. It's Brian, coming to you on an off day to share more about a podcast that we are enjoying from our network partner, Odyssey. And the new podcast, What We Spend, is extraordinarily interesting. Let me tell you why.

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TCB Introduces: What We Spend

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So much of the commercial break is a fly-on-the-wall perspective of the unfiltered conversations that Chrissy and I have about friendship, offbeat topics, things we find interesting, wild, unforgettable. Or just a crazy story from our personal life. One thing that always gets a laugh but often doesn't get talked about in a deeper way on the commercial break is personal finances.

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TCB Introduces: What We Spend

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That's because personal finances are personal. We all want to know what our friends make and what they spend their money on, how they're flourishing or how they're suffering around money. But do we ask? No, we do not. We never dare ask. Well, this new podcast, What We Spend, it does just that.

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TCB Introduces: What We Spend

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Every episode, host Courtney Harrell talks with just one person and they document an entire week of their lives and all the ways money plays a factor in it. People from all over the country in all walks of life. They talk about how they make money, how they spend money, all the thoughts and emotions they have around money.

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TCB Introduces: What We Spend

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Like butter cutting through a knife. Listening to that. I recognize myself in it. I recognize my emotions in it. I recognize my thoughts and fears around money. I recognize this specific verbiage. Monkey on my back. All consuming. Listen, it doesn't take a genius to figure out, nor do you have to listen to 658,000 episodes of the commercial break to understand.

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TCB Introduces: What We Spend

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Being an independent creator and being an entrepreneur doesn't always mean multimillionaire or financial comfort. Ich bin sicher, dass dieser Clip mit vielen Leuten aufgehört hat. Und so schwer es ist, das zu hören, gibt es einen bestimmten Niveau von Bedürfnis, wenn man weiß, dass jemand anderes da ist, die Nacht schlägt und denkt über dieselbe Sache.

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Und lass uns ehrlich sein, Courtney hat diese ruhige, beruhigende Stimme. Ich fühle mich, als wäre alles für Kelly in Ordnung. Und jetzt fühle ich mich auch, als wäre alles in Ordnung für mich. What We Spend by Courtney Harrell. Available now. We'll see you on the flip side. Bye.

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TCB Introduces: What We Spend

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These conversations are intimate, they're thoughtful, funny, sometimes emotional, but it's always raw and it's always real. In 2025, when so much of our social media, our news, the people we look up to, our politicians, sports players, all make us feel this keeping up with the Joneses jealousy or desire. I think this podcast has come along at the exact right time.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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The meme coin, however, has no function whatsoever. There is absolutely... I mean, they can build in utilities into its special programs and prizes and access that you get for being a meme coin holder, which is apparently what they tried to do with this Haktua coin, or the Hawk coin, as they would say. She hyped up this hot coin, got in bed with Howie Mandel's cousin. His name is Doc Hollywood.

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And apparently he's like a, like, I don't know, some kind of meme coin expert or something. So listen to this.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Listen to the math on this. for early investors and people who knew hawk to uh whatever her name is is it what is it kylie kaylee something like that hayley kaylee i don't know she and her team in their infinite wisdom gave 17 of the total coins to insiders basically and then released three percent of the coins to the public She pressed this hard on her podcast, on her social media.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

1069.345

She tried to get people who have no clue about any of this stuff to buy this meme coin. And then the moment that it went public, 17% of the people who were holding onto it who knew what was going on sold immediately because they cashed in. That's what you do. It's called a pump and dump scheme. It's a rug pull. I'm using this very fancy terminology from Twitter spaces.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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It's a rug pull, and basically you are throwing the losses to the people who are unsuspecting while you cash in as an insider.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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you got to be ready to lose money. That's just part of the game. It is just a scheme. It's just a pump. It's all pump and dump. There's really no utility. You don't go to Starbucks and use your Hawk to a coin. That doesn't happen. It's just never going to happen. So, and there are millions of these meme coins out. I mean, hundreds of thousands, there's got to be meme coins.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

1135.036

And this is how some of these new media stars are getting rich. They do this meme coin or altcoin, and then they pump and dump it. I mean, even Donald Trump's coin is having trouble taking off.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

1146.8

uh but octua is seems like she's in big trouble and still the number five podcaster in the world do we need a meme coin do we have any memes to coin not really so it's hard to do a meme coin when you're just two idiots on a podcast the tcb coin break coin break your bank coin sorry you spent so much money and by the way at one point

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

1169.731

Right after Hawk Tua's coin was released, the total valuation of all the Hawk coin out there was half a billion, with a B, dollars. Wow. Half a billion dollars. And then quickly went down to $40 million after everybody sold. And a bunch of the insiders made money while all the other people are just left holding the bag. That's why they call it a rug pull. And it's terrible.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

1194.525

So I have a suspicion that Hawk herself, Miss Tua, had no idea what she was getting herself into, that she also was not knowledgeable about Mooncorp. She was trusting the doc. That's right. But she made some money. There's no doubt about that. And that is problematic. So we'll see what happens with Miss Tua and all of her Hawkies. I don't know what you call them. What does she do on that podcast?

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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How did you find it?

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

1224.989

No, I mean, how did you find it? Was it good? Was it interesting?

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

1229.271

I'm speaking in old English. How did you find it? How did you find it, milady?

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

1235.815

No, I mean, how did you find it?

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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You never went back to it because you didn't like it. Let's just be honest about it. You didn't like it. You found it to be boring. It wasn't interesting. I haven't listened to any of it. I've seen some of the video. And yeah, she's got celebrities that come on there. I think she had JoJo Siwa recently. Listen, you know, no knock. If you could get JoJo Siwa to sit in this seat,

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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You'd be out the door, Chrissy. I'd have CY in here in one second. I'd have her gyrating on that couch in a heartbeat. All right, so let's take a break. When we get back, guess what, kids? Today, for the 12 Days of TCB, something very special. We're going to go back to our poise, the 21 Convention, and Zahn. Zahn took up a computer.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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considerable amount of our energy and effort this year. I think we did five total episodes on Zahn. But lest you think we've done all the Zahn there is to do, Zahn just keeps on talking. So we have more of Zahn Perion, whatever his name is, the very sad Pua, I think is the only way to say it. What did you say? The Jack Sparrow knockoff? Greasy hair, big belt buckle, and dad bod all together.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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And he will tell us how many books he hasn't sold and how lost his life is when we get back. Oh, also want to remind you, please, the St. Jude Foundation, the St. Jude series of hospitals. I just want to make that clear. money. We're rugging and tugging. Yeah, we're rugging and tugging. Our meme coin is St. Jude and the National Press Cancer.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

1359.572

Yeah, so go there, donate some cash, make yourself feel good. And we will love you forever. Send us a screenshot and I'll send you an extra sticker or two or something like that. Okay, let's take a break. We'll be back.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

138.065

Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my elf on the shelf, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chrissy. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Hope you're doing well. Enjoying the 12 days of TCB. Actually, I think it's the 20 days of TCB we've decided.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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All right, and we're back. Spreading some Christmas cheer all over the place, as is our network. Can you please do more episodes? No, we can't. How many more episodes can we do? I can't do any more episodes. We're full. That's it. I'm all full up. But you know what? I like this because here's the thing. 12 days of TCB gives people something to look forward to at the end of the year.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Not us, but other people. Something to look forward to at the end of the year. Gives us a chance to review the year properly where we don't have to try and fit it all into one show like we did last year. I think last year we... I tried to fit it all into one hour. Number one, number two.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Number three, it gives people something to listen to during the holidays that is completely unacceptable for any kind of family activity. So it gives you an opportunity to get away from those ratball children and your shitty Uncle Tom who won't stop talking about... You know what. The entire dinner. And listen to some funny shit. So, okay.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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One of our favorite things to do in 2024, really for the last two years, has been Poise. Actually, since the beginning of the commercial break, we've been doing pickup artists. But we've really started to refine our target. And that is the 21 Convention. The 21 Convention is an all-round...

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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We've counted all of the episodes in a row. I think it'll end up being somewhere around 20. And you are officially the winners there, the listeners. We are in a purgatory. But at least we're in a nice purgatory. We're here in our comfortable, brand-new studios. I do like sitting back a little bit like this. It's better than leaning on the table. I love the chairs. Yeah. They're very comfy chairs.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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man haven i guess i don't know what it is i mean it's like we're all looking good it's maga it's masculinity it's the patriarchy it's trad wife it's all things dipshit these guys put together these conventions but the convention is no longer it suffered from some financial issues like no one showed up and so i think it imploded it did

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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It imploded because the guy who started it, I think he had some financial issues himself, and he took the convention down with him. But then people weren't happy with him either. Am I right about that? They were all upset because he wasn't paying them or wasn't – I don't know what the – who cares about the 21 convention?

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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What I care about is the content that they put out over eight years of doing this convention. It refined itself. It got more weird and more extreme and more – I actually saw a video of one of these pickup artists telling you how to text a woman, how to get a woman in bed by simply texting her. And had it not been so visual, I would have done that one.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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But I felt like we should go back to someone who really occupied quite a bit of that space, that poise space for us this year. In season number four, it was Michael Anthony. The year before, it was Frankie B. The year before, it was that weird guy talking into the camera. I can't remember his name, season number one. But in season number five...

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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No one occupied as much time as Zahn Perion, the very sad pick-up artist who is down on his luck. But don't worry, because things are going to work out fine for Zahn. But he's here to share with you about all the tricks of the trade, Chrissy, and how to get a woman in bed and make sure that the patriarchy stays alive and well. I can't wait to hear.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Let's pick up in the middle of a Zahn conference appearance here as he talks about men with women in their lives. Here you go.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Counterbalancing. Zahn is the guy who told us that you got to make sure you have counterbalancing energy. You got to make sure you have that intellectual, strong personality type, but then you have to have that thrusting penis motion. You got to slap your balls right into somebody. Which I've been trying out at the grocery store and seems to be working fine at the local croaker.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Even though I like the table look, the chairs, I do have to say, I think are an upgrade. I think the whole studio is an upgrade.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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What a phrase. And then put your hands up, like block your face. I can't imagine if I had said that to any of the women in my life.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Powerful. So powerful, it's never worked. So powerful, women don't get it. I can't understand.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Oh, the kind and gentle kind of don't talk. The kind and gentle don't talk unless spoken to.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Listen, sweetie, baby, honey, listen. All that yammering, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, but I'm inviting you, kindly, gently, to shut the fuck up. Do you mind? Don't cross the line. Don't cross the line. And by the line, I mean the threshold of my door. This is the man cave where all man things happen. There's thrusting energy in you. You've got to be careful.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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This jacket is hot and loud. It is very loud. I'm wearing my Christmas greens here.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Balls swirling around everywhere. I don't want you to get smacked in the face.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Look in my eyes. Don't do it again.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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I cannot imagine under what circumstances I would talk to another human being like that, except for my children. Like, I talked like this to my children. Look in my eyes. Don't do that again. And you know what they say?

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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I think he just summed up. I think that's a little self-aware. I think he just summed up his entire existence. A little boy who is lost.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Yes, this was a Walmart $9.99 purchase by Astrid, and she knows how to... If it wasn't for Astrid, I'd be wearing a t-shirt. I know. Astrid goes, if we're changing this studio, you are not going to wear a fucking t-shirt every episode. And I was like, okay, I can agree. If we can do the studio, I'll change into something besides a t-shirt. Don't tell Earl. I'll be back in t-shirts before too long.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Are you also marveling at his body type?

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Yeah, we got it. We understand. We've seen a kid in a candy jar before.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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It's close. She played Wembley. He's playing Waukegan. It's close.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Nothing that a woman wants more than a small child to take care of. Can you wash behind my ears?

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

1989.029

Brian needs Moo Moo. Brian needs his Moo Moo Milky. Astrid, tee-tee, ta-ta. I made pee-pee poo-poo. Can you watch my little tee-tee? I tinkled on myself.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

2010.04

Oh, yeah. Astrid, I made a poo-poo. There's a poo-poo in my pants.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Yeah, that's right. I mean, T.T. Tata, can you wash behind my ears? Where are you getting these women?

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Oh, that's an Instagram quote to go on a nipple picture if I've ever seen one. Yes. Here's my conclusion in life. Here's what I figured out. Because I've been there. Because all men have been there at some point in their life.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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We make the mistake of, especially I think early on in life, we make the mistake of supplementing a woman's love outside of our mother's relationship for a love like our mother's relationship. And we do become childlike. We think that it's a job of a woman to take care of us in certain ways. precursor to hot sex. You know what I'm saying?

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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If you can't do your own laundry and you have to be taken care of and every little issue becomes a drama unless mommy takes care of it, then the woman will start to think of you like a child. My opinion is, I think sometimes a woman's first child is their first boyfriend because that's how men act in a lot of cases. It's just a learning curve.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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But at 72 years old, or however Zahn is, he really needs to, like, grow up a little bit. Women don't want someone to take care of. I mean, listen, I think we all care. If you're empathetic, you're a caretaker. You want to take care of people. Like when they have the flu, not like on a Tuesday afternoon when you, you know, where's my lunchbox, mommy?

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Because it's just how I'm comfortable. What can I say? Listen, if Machine Gun Kelly can get away with it, so can Brian Greene. Me and Machine Gun are exactly alike.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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I said I demand it. Thrusting energy! Thrusting! Ah, pee-pee-poo-poo.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Except for I'm not dating Megan Fox and we're not in a blood, like some blood brother marriage. They're expecting. And they're also expecting to break up because they just announced they're officially not together anymore. What? Weeks after announcing that they're having a baby, I think, right? I don't know.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Yeah, are we going to have to teach this? Really? We have to teach consideration? I mean, if you're going to see a movie with someone, wouldn't you want them to be interested in it also?

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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That said, this is the guy who got dragged to all seven of the, you know, what do you call them? One of those movies? Oh, the shades.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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I got a little lipstick on my collar. Mama, take care of it. Tee-pee-poo-poo. Tee-tee-ta-ta-ba. Don't cross that line, thrusting energy. Up here, but down there, over here, left and right. I don't know, up and down. He's saying nothing. I'm saying nothing.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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No wonder his book didn't sell. It's four tomes of fucking nothing.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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I'm making a point. I'm trying to make a point. Same time. See, now I'm remembering exactly why we think Hassan is so funny, because he never, ever quite gets to the point.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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I love the Warriors propose. It's a haiku. Are you ready, Chrissy? I'm ready. Pee-pee-poo-poo. Bison, uh-oh, I made pee-pee-poo-poo. Will you clean it up? Will you, will you? What movie shall we go to in this fortnight?

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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So I heard you girls talking over the break while I was, you know, actually working. And what I heard was that one out of 10 men in the United States are figuring out, or one out of 100 are figuring out that they are not the father of their child. Is that correct? Yes, that was a little snippet. Via DNA Ancestry?

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Bringing it all the way back to the Aztecs. So similar to today's times.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Well, listen, so did I, so I don't want to make... I don't want to make too much fun today.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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I'm pretty sure they had pyramids, entire towns. But they came back into their tent. Their tent. Their tent. Pretty sure tent is a rather modern thing in the grand scheme of things.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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The warriors repose. You go out there and you fight. The warriors repose is to crawl up in a woman's lap. I like to crawl up into a woman's lap, but I think that can be true said of anybody is that everybody likes that kind of that coddling every once in a while. We all get into a headspace or emotional space where we just want to lay on someone's lap.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Get back into my eight-person quadra tent from Patagonia.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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I just spent $1,000 at REI. Now get in there.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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What do you do for a living? I don't know, Zahn, but I think there's a few steps before getting in a woman's lap, and I think knowing what you do for a living is probably one of them. Just throwing that out there. Of course it is 2024, and shit's weird.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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That's right. My swinging balls will hypnotize you into curling up in my lap and doing my laundry.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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I love this.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Is there anybody in the audience? No? No? Hello? He's just swinging his hand back and forth.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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I think he's got somebody on the line. Okay, let's see. We'll take one question and then maybe we'll take a break. Hold on. Questions for Zan? He's the only one up there.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Yes, exactly.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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This is embarrassing. Why wouldn't they cut this out of the YouTube video? Like, even I'm not that dumb. Even I cut out dead air from our show. That's poor Zan. I really do sometimes feel, I mean, I feel empathy for everybody, but for Zan especially, because he didn't sell the book. He's trying to write a second one. He's got a daughter who he thinks might love her at some point.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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and i said ancestry dna wow ancestry dna is a thing yes it's another cauldron of flaming shit that our world has brought straight to our front door i'm telling you right now when they were looking for that killer of that you know ceo united guy which we haven't talked about but uh when they were looking for him they were checking databases like private databases like ancestry dna for dna i just don't want

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

2722.504

I mean, it's just like, it's a terrible situation for Zan. You know, but by the way, this goes on for an additional 30 minutes. So clearly somebody asks him a question.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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And can you... Congratulations. I can act authentic when needed.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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No. He said, yeah, he said warriors in tents. Warriors repose? Yeah, the warriors repose.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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This guy walked in at the end.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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I don't know. This is not really my line of expertise, transferring from the warrior to the poet, because I never said that at different conferences altogether.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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I'll say it back to you and then we can talk back and forth. How's that? It's called a conversation.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Meet me in room 212. That's a junior executive suite.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

2915.778

Okay, let me explain. On the video here, there is not a screen behind him because it's not that kind of conference room. It's like literally like one of those meeting rooms in a Holiday Inn. He's got a Vizio TV fresh out of the box with the stand and everything. And behind it, it just has 21 Convention written on it. And all of a sudden, someone's browsing the internet on that TV behind him.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

2943.095

In Microsoft, nonetheless. Microsoft, the wave of the future. Okay, Wanda, this is a good place to take a break, I think, Christina. Let's take a break. Just a quick reminder, the St. Jude's Foundation and the National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund, both of those links down below in the show notes. Do us a favor and maybe yourself a favor in the future. You never know.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Donate to those two very fantastic causes. Help the brothers out. We'll be back.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

297.213

to have my dna all mixed up in there although i probably already do have my d my twin brother did it so now i'm fucked yeah yeah because we have shared the almost the exact same dna since we're fraternal we got a few things i wonder what's different in our dna it's got to be something about the looks huh or maybe it so we share the same mother and father dna that we share like the general dna of course but then i guess the specifics are different how does dna work chrissy tell me more

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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All right, back here with Zahn in 21 Convention. Zahn is teaching us men how to, you know, be... Basically, the title of the video is How to Be with a Woman in Your Life. And, okay, fair enough. We could all use a pointer here and there. But so far, what he's told us is incongruent, to use a big word that someone in the audience used, and does not make much sense.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

3110.968

He wants us to both be a warrior and a pussycat. He wants us to need women, but tell them that we don't need them. He wants us to make decisions for them, but make sure they're involved in the decisions themselves. So I just don't know what to think of Zahn. Zahn is a master at not making a point.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Yes, thank God that someone is now browsing the internet behind him. He's captivating the audience.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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No, I just keep talking if I was him. I mean, I've had this happen. It's embarrassing, but you just keep going. You power through. When the questions section of the presentation doesn't end up being so fantastic, you power through. You got to have backup contents on. You can't just stand there and go, no, no one. Because it sounds worse.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Oh, ease and delight. It sounds like the next Krispy Kreme special donut. Join us at Krispy Kreme for 99 cents ease and delights.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

3234.802

No, I think he said ease and delight. Okay. I don't know.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Second of all, I don't know. Look at his brain working.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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He has no idea.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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He probably wrote a whole book on it. He has no idea what he's talking about. Huh. Huh. Wow.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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No one knows. It's magic. It's a steaming cauldron of bits and bobs, little pieces of, I don't know, twine and hair. Well, isn't there two eggs? No, Chrissy, two X's and one Y. No, two eggs. Eggs? Yes, indeed. I don't know.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Next question. No? Let me tell you about something, boys.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Because when I think of ease and delight, I think of the Stoics. Like Plato. He lived a life of ease and delight.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Roaming bathhouses and cocktails by sundown.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Warrior Stoics.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Ecclesiastes. Mark Twain. Prince.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

3450.594

Absolute bullshit is that. That is such negativity. Nobody's going to remember you. That is the nature of death. You become remembrance. That's what it is. And it's likely at least one person will remember you. I mean, maybe in Zahn's case, some people will be forgetting. What a shocking thought. Shocking. Wait, he's talking about death, and the guy asked about ease and delight. I know.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

3482.52

Oh, God, remember that. He took a 20-mile journey with a strange man.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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It's two separate children in the same womb at the same time. So you're just a sibling. That's it. That's all you are. You're just a sibling that has known another human. At longer than most people. I mean, you know, your mother, I guess, is that would be that argument there. But there's an extra human being that, you know, longer than anybody else has.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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You are, in fact, remembering her. I know. That's what I thought, too.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Yes, so now you have become... The guy who's remembering the lady who was forgotten.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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I mean, I get the point, but it's not really. This is it. He's not articulating it well. Yeah, he's not. But I guess articulation has never been Zahn's strong suit since we've known him.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Well, okay. End on a high note. Send him out the door all gung-ho.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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And you've literally shared the same birth canal almost at the same time. But that's a it's a thing. But it's a bond. Yeah, it's not like identical twins. We do not feel each other's pain. Although I will say there has been times when serious life events have happened, and I have sensed that something was going on with my brother. I can see that.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Like this conference you're at now that you paid all this money for. To watch my transitions slowly get darker. His transition lenses have gotten darker and darker as the evening has worn on.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Tie in the wind. Tie in the wind. Chickapie.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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You're such a stoic. Who was that? Jodie Foster and Nell?

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Oh, right. Tie in the wind.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Tie in the wind.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Well, what's the point? If I'm climbing a mountain, I'm telling everybody. Instagram, bitches.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Please, Zahn.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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What? Meanwhile, Zahn's going to go home, play some Fortnite, and eat a cheeseburger from McDonald's. That's right.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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But I think a lot of siblings feel that way in general. I think best friends can feel that way. Husband and wife can feel that way. Father and child, daughter and mother, whatever it is. Anyway, back to Machine Gun Kelly. They, you know, maybe he's not the father and he found out and that's what's upsetting him. Could be. Machine Gun Kelly and, you know, Megan Fox, they are blood married.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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All right, I think that's a good place to wrap it up with Zahn, because how much can one take of making no point trying to make a point? Oh, Zahn, Zahn.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

3906.61

Oh, God. Well, you know, listen, he's not the worst DUA we've ever seen. That's for sure. He's not the best, but he's not the worst. And what I mean by that is he's certainly got this idea, weird idea stuck in his head about women and relationships.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

3924.842

Yeah, but just pulling out quotes from every chapter in history does not make you enlightened. No. It doesn't. I'm sorry. I wouldn't know because I'm not enlightened. I'm not claiming to be. But I do know that this is not it. No. I'd probably go with that chick in the white headdressing. What was her name? Bajran Yogi. Yogi Bajran. That's more my flavor. I like ayahuasca. That's more my flavor.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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It's mild compared to Zahn. I'd rather do a night of ayahuasca than a night with Zahn.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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God, and this thing is two hours and 40 minutes long. Can you imagine sitting through two hours and 40 minutes of this? No. Underneath that lighting in that Holiday Inn conference room? No, thank you. Oh, okay. All right. So here we go. We're trucking along 12 days of TCB right on through Christmas and beyond. All right. Through Christmas and beyond.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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We will be here every day with a brand new episode. I think this is a Sunday episode that we're recording right now. I think so. I think that will officially be the first ever Sunday episode of the commercial break. So there you go. Breaking new ground every single day, Chrissy. Breaking new ground. All right, tcbpodcast.com, that's where you go.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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More information about the show, all the audio, all the video, and now all episodes are available on video, either on the website, on Spotify, or youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak. But when you go to the website, and we implore you to, you can get your free sticker. If you go to the Contact Us page, drop down menu, I want my free sticker, give us your address, away it will go.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Also, if you make a donation to St. Jude's Foundation or the National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund, send us a screenshot and we will send you some extra swag. 212-433-3822. 212-433-3TCB. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. At the commercial break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok. Follow us, like, comment on your favorite video. We certainly would appreciate it.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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But I'll tell you that I love you. And I love you. Best to you.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, we always say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

412.353

They took that blood oath or whatever it was.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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I haven't. I haven't.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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They're certainly sharing DNA. I mean, listen, you're a certain kind of kooky-wooky when you do blood wedding. I get it. I get it. Sometimes you're just so in love with somebody. You know how when you're in love with somebody and you want to eat them? Have you ever felt that? Yes. You want to eat them? Not like cannibalize them.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

433.92

It's okay, Armie Hammer. Yeah, eat them. No, no, not like Armie Hammer, eat them. Just like you wish you could ingest. There was a level of intimacy that was further than the level of intimacy you could get by all the normal means, like sticking your penis inside of them. You had other ways of getting intimate.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Hey, Chrissy, best to you. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe and happy holidays. Sometimes podcasts like ours will take off a lot of time during the holidays, but not us. We're gluttons for punishment. So we have the 12 days of TCB coming at you.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Chew on them, yes. Chew on their arm and make it bleed. Yes. Anyway, Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly no longer together.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

462.945

No, I don't think so. I think Megan Fox... The pregnancy was the deal breaker. The pregnancy was the deal breaker. Here's my take on Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox, in case you want to know. Because I'm very interested in this relationship, believe it or not. Because they are a certain kind of personality. Like, wacky, out there. Mm-hmm. Eyes, all eyes on them.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

489.439

They don't really give a shit, but of course they give a shit, that kind of thing. And they find comfort in each other's craziness, right? I think. This is what I'm, like, garnering just from public information. Because I have no inside track on Megan Fine. But they take comfort in each other's craziness. But that craziness can also wear on you, right? And it can wear on a relationship.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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It's exhausting. And it's a constant circus around those two. Constant circus. Like we've talked about this before on the show. When two people are involved in the circus... The pressure is really on. Jennifer, whatever, Jen Lopez and Ben Affleck, when that circus gets really heated, it's like a pressure cooker.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

531.558

It's either going to come out with diamonds or it's going to crumble like a piece of shit. And I think MJQ, whatever his name is, MJK... MGK.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

539.825

I think Machine Gun Kelly and I think Megan Fox, they've been under that pressure cooker for a long time. And I can imagine that certain kind of crazy has started to wear on them. They took that blood feud or blood oath or whatever the fuck it was. And as soon as that happened, I mean, how many more tattoos can you get of each other? You know what I'm saying?

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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You're running out of space on your body. I think that they stay at least disassembled for a long period of time because they need to cool off from the craziness. That's my opinion.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Who else? I mean, you shared blood with her. You have tattoos all over. Who else are you going to get together with? Like Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson. You know, they take comfort in that certain kind of crazy, right? Then they break up and it's disastrous for both of them. They're like both really hurt. Blue agrees. Blue totally agrees.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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December 13th through the 25th, brand new episodes every single day and live fresh episodes during the entire holiday season. As the great Clark Griswold once said, Holy shit, where's the Tylenol? Find it quick and join us this entire holiday season for brand new episodes of The Commercial Break.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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But now they never got back together once Pamela and Tommy Lee separated.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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She just got nominated for a Golden Globe for best female performance in a musical, I mean, in a drama. I saw that. Yeah, for The Last Showgirl, I think is what it's called. The Last Showgirls. Very interesting. I want to see that. I like Pam Anderson. I've always liked Pam Anderson.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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She's got a je ne sais quoi.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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There's a whole show. It's a reality show? Mm-hmm. Oh, very interesting. And they follow her around? Yeah, and she does all her homebody beach stuff. Hot take. I mean, not hot take, but here's what I always thought about Pam Anderson. I never thought she was the most attractive. It's my opinion, my objective, my completely subjective opinion. She was never the most attractive woman.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

661.887

I know that people went gaga over her. What's a certain type? is a certain type and you're either into it. Why I liked Pam Anderson was her personality. She always seemed like smarter than the average bear. Do you know what I'm saying? She was like in on the joke. She understood it. She drove the bus. And I know that, you know, she may not agree with that 100% because I didn't live her life.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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I don't know. But the same reason why I like Jenny McCarthy, like not the most, you know, to me, not the most like I would prefer Daisy Fuentes if you go back to that era.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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than jenny mccarthy but at the end of the day jenny mccarthy was always in on the joke and that to me was attractive like i liked their sense of humor i liked how smart they were i'd like that they were in on the joke that was it so i i wish nothing but the best for pam anderson hopefully she gets that that golden globe not and i would like to see the last showgirls have you seen her i have not i wonder what it's about i wonder if we knew anything that we were talking about here on the commercial break

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Brian Austin Green. Yes, Brian Austin. He was in 90210. He was in 90210.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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I told this story before, probably many years ago on the show, but when I moved from Chicago to Atlanta, I was 12 years old, maybe going on 13 years old, something like that. And obviously I moved with my family. Brian wasn't taking a bus on his own down to Atlanta. The show 90210 came out in that summertime or in that period of time when we had just moved.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

753.665

Someone in the neighborhood in Chicago started a rumor that the Brian Greene on the show was the Brian Greene that had left the neighborhood. Same Brian Greene. When I came back to Chicago the first time after that show had been running... You rode that wave. I rode that wave.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Kids thought, well, I mean, all they needed to do was take one look at me to understand that that was not the same guy that was on TV. Plus, I think Brian Austin Green at the time was like five years old or six years older than I was. I mean, clearly I was not.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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They were in their 30s. That's how you did it back then. I mean, 21 Jump Street. Johnny Depp was like 41 playing a high schooler or something like that. That was a great show, by the way, 21 Jump Street.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

808.844

Not only were the show premises absolutely ridiculous, but then the people that they got to play the characters were absolutely ridiculous. No one would believe that Johnny Depp was a high schooler or that Jason Priestley was, you know, a sophomore in high school. I mean, it's just absolutely ridiculous. And who was the other guy, the guy who passed away? What was his name on 90210? Hmm.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

829.56

Oh, Luke. Luke. Luke Perry. Luke Perry. Yeah.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Did she die? Yeah. When?

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

838.348

I thought Shannon Doherty was still alive. No, she died of breast cancer. Oh. I don't remember. I'm so confused. I'm so sorry to hear that. Shannon Doherty was like a mega, mega star when 90210 came out. In July. Wow. Oh, the people that we've lost this year. In memorandum. A lot of people. In memorandum. We would do an in memorandum here, but we'd probably get it all wrong. We would.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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We have many times quoted people to be dead that aren't in fact dead.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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Chris Christopherson has been dead for no years.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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But you know what we have done this year as we've done the 12 days of TCB? We have gone back so far and looked at events, content, or programs that we have enjoyed over the year that you have enjoyed. You have told us as listeners you've enjoyed in 2024. And one of the things that has really resonated with people, good, bad, and indifferent, has been our focus on the pickup artist community.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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And more specifically, the poise. And more specifically, the poise who go to the 21 convention. I said poise like Hak Tua. Hak Tua. Hawk Tua. Speaking of Hawk Tua, let's take a side note here. Did you hear about this?

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

915.83

Oh, I have been diving into this. This is fucking insane. First of all, let's say that yesterday we started the show by saying that Kylie Kelsey had the number one podcast in all the land on her very first episode of her very first podcast. Congratulations to her. No shade. Yes, absolutely. No shade whatsoever. Congratulations to her. She knocked Joe Rogan out of the top spot.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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That is a mighty feat because Joe gets big, big, big numbers. But then the Hawk to a Girl is like the number five most popular podcast in all the land. How is the Hawk to a Girl more popular than the commercial break? I mean, it's probably easy to understand. It's more entertaining. But I'm telling you right now, that is a crazy feat to be the number five podcast in all the land. That means you're

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

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You're getting millions and millions of people listening every single episode you put out there. Hak Tua and all of her infinite wisdom. And I don't know this girl. I don't know her. I have not paid attention to the story. I think it's kind of ridiculous that she got so famous for saying two words on a street in Nashville. But whatever. People apparently liked her personality. Yeah.

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12 Days Of TCB: Zan The Baby Man

981.474

She took the opportunity to cash in like a lot of these new age, new media stars do. And she rug pulled a bunch of people with a meme coin. Let me explain very briefly. Meme coin is an alt coin. It's just like Bitcoin or any of those others. It sits on a block coin.

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TCB... A Show About Friendship!

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Yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the Sanders to my RFK Jr.

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TCB... A Show About Friendship!

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I remember this video. I remember doing it. I don't know anything about chakras, but there's something right here and there's something right here. I got indigestion.

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TCB... A Show About Friendship!

2219.069

Imagine you're on a job interview, raging hard on. You got a hot girl behind the desk and you let out, you go up and out, up and out. Yes. Yes.

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TCB... A Show About Friendship!

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From the same place where all your blood goes a couple times a minute. From that heart place, that heart thing.

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TCB... A Show About Friendship!

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It rolls across the floor like a smoke machine just waiting to pounce on any pussy that comes our way.

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TCB... A Show About Friendship!

2557.751

Am I right? Everybody's a rapist when they've got that lower penis energy.

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TCB... A Show About Friendship!

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To just grab it? Do you want us just to bend it over? To thrust right into her?

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TCB... A Show About Friendship!

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Dragging on the floor.

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TCB... A Show About Friendship!

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You're sorry? You tried to verbally, sexually assault a woman with her apple ass?

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TCB... A Show About Friendship!

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Well, thanks for pointing that out. Now none of us have a chance, Zahn.

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TCB... A Show About Friendship!

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Hey, you don't mind if I practice getting good at texting with you, do you? I just got to do a couple of practice texts. I got to put in the reps. I got my 30-minute strategy call in a few minutes. Can I? Dick pic.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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I have faith that it will get figured out. The same conversations were happening around the Internet when it came about. Same exact conversations. The worst did not, well, the worst did happen, but it took a lot longer than we expected. So don't worry about it. There was a transition phase, we figured it out. And here we, look, look where we are today. Everything's fine. Everything's going great.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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Everything's going great. Here's what I want to, I want to go into a happy conversation, Chrissy. Okay, yes, let's do it. Oh, okay. Yeah, I watched the whole thing. So good. Only an hour or so into this, I am in a trance about Paul Rubens. In an absolute trance. What a creative force. What a genius. What a jokester. What a jokester. What a brokester.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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What a sympathetic, empathetic, kind, cunning, cutting. He's everything. He's like every person twisted into one human being. And I don't know any other way to put it. But kind of a genius.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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Yeah. The world shit on Paul Rubens. And he didn't deserve it. And for whacking off in a movie theater.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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An adult movie theater. Why else do you go to an adult movie theater?

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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I remember driving to school with my father and he would listen sometimes to like the classic rock music station. Those were my favorite days. But sometimes he would listen to the local news station. Radio Station. Just like non-stop news. And I'll never forget breaking news. Paul Rubens has been arrested for indecent exposure in an adult movie theater in wherever, Palo Alto or wherever.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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No, it was Florida. Okay, Florida. And, um... Just thinking to myself, wow, the Pee Wee Herman? And it was a big joke at school and everyone laughed and giggled.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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Everybody was joking. And that was sad for Paul Rubens in the end. And I hope this documentary becomes part of his legacy and not the whacking off part. And he went on to do a couple of movies and he was really good in movies like Blow. I mean, he was so good in that movie, in Blow.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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But if you grew up when Chrissy and I grew up, not you kids in your late teens, early twenties, but maybe Pee Wee Herman lives on, you know, as a cult classic. If it doesn't, it should. Because as a child growing up, Pee Wee Hermans Playhouse. Ja. Es war so lustig. Du warst in einer anderen Welt. Und ich wünschte, ich wäre in dieser Welt.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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An einem Punkt im Dokumentarfilm sagt Paul, als ich ein Kind war, wollte ich in die Television springen. Ich wollte in dieser Welt leben, weil das, wo ich gehörte. Pee-Wee's Playhouse fühlte sich für mich gleich. Ich wollte in diese Hause springen. That's where I belonged. I felt like that was my, that was a weird place. And I got it. Like, I just understood the jokes.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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I understood what, I felt like I did anyway. It was like a communication going on that I got. I understood. You know, meka leka hai, meka hai ni ho.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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True. True. Performance Art, that was not only funny and engaging, but anybody at any age could watch and get something out of it. That's hard to do. That's really fucking hard to do.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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Pee Wee's Big Adventure?

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The one about the bicycle?

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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Pee Wee, but he must have had specials on before that.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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I mean, I haven't gotten that far into the documentary, so I don't know yet. But I'm watching the part about him growing up. I know, and that's really interesting, too. It is. He so identifies with television and performance art. He goes down to Sarasota, where the Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Bailey Circus.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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So they're located there and they're around all of these circus people and he finds an affinity for this craziness, this wacky lifestyle. He sees these people living out loud and that kind of allows him to go there in his brain. He starts sneaking around and going to the theater and becoming a theater kid and all this other stuff.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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And then he moves to, he says, well, if I'm going to do anything, then I got to go out to California. That's where everybody is. He gets a... He gets accepted to school. He's afraid he's going to be an outcast at school. And what he turns out to be is the most popular kid in the school. Right. Because he is dedicated to being himself, which is one whacked out, wild motherfucker.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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And he's also a gay man. And he knows it, but he understands that being a gay man in Hollywood and out gay man in Hollywood is a big no-no at the time. So he has to kind of hide this identity. But I love the part... where even though his father was like, he explained him as a Indiana Jones type character, a lot of balls and bravado.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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I love the part where Paul says his dad wrote him a note one time and it said, Paul, I understand you might be a homosexual. Well, if you're gonna be a homosexual, be the best damn homosexual there's ever been. And Paul makes the joke, so I dressed up and I went out that night to try and be the best damn homosexual I could be. I just love it.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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It brought a tear to my eye, because I bet in 1950-whatever, it was not easy for that father to write that note, let alone to write that note with such, like... Go do it, Paula. I support you. I love you no matter what. Wow, what a touching story. You gotta watch it. I'm only an episode and a half in. You gotta watch it. It's another recommendation.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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Two episodes?

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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There's 40 hours of conversation and I only get two hours?

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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Fuck that, HBO! I thought it was going to be like a seven-part documentary. There's only two that are out or there's only two, period?

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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Fuck you, Max. Fuck you.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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Oh, then maybe I'm not even, I think I'm only like 50 minutes in. I thought I had flipped to the second episode for some reason. That's what I get for watching in the shower. I got soap washing over my eyes. Well, you know a lot of it. I do. Well, yeah, I mean, I got through a chunk of it. Well, anyway, watch it. It's great. It's another recommendation from TCB Brian. Watch it.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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Also, while we're on this, I just get like a quick note. Somebody wrote me. Yeah, I talked about the television show Tacoma FD, which is like about the Tacoma Fire Department, the silliest, stupidest comedy television show. I mean, there's been a lot of dumb, true TV comedy shows, but this is probably at the top of the list. And I am in love with it.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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I think it's like, I don't know, there's something comforting about all these wacky personalities. And I actually had two, not one, but two people write in and say, I thought I was the only one on earth who liked that television show.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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So Tacoma FD, if you're looking for something comforting to watch at night where you don't have to pay all that much attention, but you get a few giggles out of Tacoma FD. There you go. All right. So let's take a break. When we get back, I got more laughs for you, Chrissy. All right. As I have found somebody in speaking of Florida, where all the all the action is.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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Their Tent Revival, Revival Christianity is back and bigger than ever.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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And I have found someone who is making quite the living doing Tent Revivals, including having a Deliverance Center. Not a delivery center where you have babies, but a deliverance center. And for probably the low, low price of $5,000, you too can get delivered, whatever that means. Anyway, it's wacky, it's wild, it's Florida. Well, no, it's America in 2025. We'll review some of it when we get back.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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That is funny. Alright, well, speaking of the afterlife... Right? I mean, you can tell the story if you want to. Alright, so... Are we back on? Yeah, we're back on. I just told Brian what the thing was, and that is that the lake that my...

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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Wow! That thing's gonna be empty by the time it's all said and done. Well, that's with all the communities that kind of up in arms.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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Oh, for as long as eight years. Well, you know, hey, listen, what are you going to do? It's better than the dam breaking, I suppose. Yes, I know. Look on the bright side.

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Deliverance Us From Evil

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She did. Your mom had the best sense of humor. She did. And she would have appreciated all of it. I think she would have really been into the commercial break, actually.

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I think your mom would have been our biggest fan. I think your mom would have great content ideas. All right. So 10 Revival is back in Florida and it's back everywhere. Actually, I've seen a lot of this. There's this new brand of Christianity.

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Wenn ich in meine Kirche ging... Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020

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It's kind of manifested itself from the Kenny's of the world who preach prosperity preaching and get as much as you can, take as much as you want, pray, pray, pray, give more, you'll get more kind of attitude where these preachers and these pastors, they're just sucking up mass amounts of wealth. Und es gibt all diese wacken und wilden,

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Es gibt diese Auskroppungen, die hier passieren, und es wird in eine Art Neue-Zeit-Christianität, in der Kruelheit geapplaudiert wird. Und ich weiß nicht, ob die Lehren von Jesus, ich meine, sie sagen, dass die Lehren von Jesus involviert sind, aber ich weiß nicht, es scheint mir nicht so aus.

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Aber diese Pastorinnen und Precher werden immer mehr extrem in einem Versuch, die Geld einbringen, die Menschen einbringen. There is this lady named Jenny Weaver. Jenny Weaver worships on Instagram. Now, I don't know Jenny from Eve. I really don't. No pun intended. I really don't. But she seems to be kind of the female Carl of the world.

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She's ultra focused on her appearance, the appearance of her Instagram and the appearance of her church. She sells merch. She sells workshops. She has trailers that are in the front of her 15-acre campus where they're like little Chip and Joanna trailers. Oh, okay. They were taking money, but they weren't selling t-shirts. Do you know what I'm saying?

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They weren't selling shitty mugs made in Thailand. I mean, they just weren't. That wasn't part of my experience growing up, but it is very much part of this experience. And by the way, this is nothing new for megachurches. There are megachurches in Texas that have fucking Starbucks in them. Starbucks! Starbucks in the church! A fucking coffee shop. That guy, who's that dude?

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The one who almost went to jail, Tammy and Jim Baker. Jim Baker, he now does his show from the middle of a mall in Minnesota. Remember, we talked about it. You can rent the hotel rooms and look down over... It's in the middle of a mall. It looks like a mini village, like a Disney World type pretend village.

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And for $3,000 a night, you can rent condos or hotel rooms where you can look down and see Pastor Jim doing his ever scary, never ending apocalyptic preaching that goes on down there. He's selling buckets of like taco salad. Yeah. That lasts for 40 years. For the apocalypse. Taco salad. In a bucket. That lasts 40 years. What the fuck is going on? What is going on? That and colloidal silver.

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This is a full-fledged Business. It's game on. And they are trying to get your money any way they can because they are not taxed on it. They can make millions of dollars. They can live high on the hog and all because what's the most expensive thing at the strip club, Chrissy? Hope. Hope. I will pay endless amounts of money because I hope that she gives me her phone number.

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I hope, you know, Diamond is her real name. I hope she'll come home with me. That's it. Well, I hope the Lord won't forget me. I hope that I'm doing good. I sinned the other day. I took five dollars from Bob and never paid him back. I hit my kid. I cussed in church. Whatever it is, I hope the Lord won't leave me behind.

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And by the way, the New Age spirituality bullshit ain't any better. They're also going off the rails, selling everything and their mother jars of fucking... Farts. Farts. Aoli. Special Sage. I peed on. I don't know. It's crazy. Everyone's going crazy. I told you. The next big MLM is your soul and it's bearing out in all facets of social media.

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And now maybe my Instagram algorithm is serving me up a little bit more of this content than most people get. Aber wirklich, die Hypokrise macht mich einfach verrückt. Christ, wenn Christ ein Typ war, der auf dieser Erde ging und der Held war, der er gemacht worden ist, ich liebe diese Idee. Ich liebe es, wie der Buddha oder Mohammed oder wer auch immer. Ich liebe diese Idee.

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Games on. Grift is on. Let us all get our worship coin. Available now. Christ coin. Yeah, our deliverance coin. Jenny's out there doing her thing. Und hey, hör auf, nicht den Spieler zu hassen oder das Spiel zu hassen, richtig? Solange es Leute gibt, die ihr Geld weitergeben werden, wird sie das, was sie tun wird. Wer kann sie schulden?

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Sie wird ein Millionär werden, um nur Content zu kreieren und dumme Guild-Trips, glaube ich. Jenny hat eine wilde Idee. Weißt du, was ein Exorzismus ist? Es ist Deliverance, manchmal ist es das, was es bezeichnet. Es ist wie ein Exorzismus. Es ist wie all die Dämonen rauszuholen, es alles loszumachen, das Art von Ding.

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She got gifted by someone in Tampa, like a 15-acre campus on a lake with buildings and all this jazz. Jenny got right to work and she decided to make one of those buildings a deliverance center. Now, when I first came upon this reel weeks ago, I thought, a delivery center? Like there were a bunch of women sitting in chairs. And all the reels start off the same way, you know.

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Die nächste Episode von The Commercial Break beginnt jetzt.

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Join me as we visit our new deliverance center. I'm about to show it to you. Look at all the women are filling out their paperwork, getting ready. And I'm like, none of those women look pregnant to me. Because I thought it was delivery center. And it was just being said weird. Nope. Deliverance center. You ready? Let's start off there. Let's watch that. I'm going to pop this up on the Instagram.

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Kevin, our wonderful video editor from Weeplash, by the way, is on the job here. So let's take a listen.

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They're showing these ladies in this big room full of chairs. All of them have their backs turned to the camera. It looks like a conference room. It is a conference room. It's essentially just an empty building. And she is saying that the ladies are filling out their paperwork pre-op.

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Pre-op. The fuck?

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Nurse assistant? !

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Someone get a hold of that medical license immediately.

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Okay, first of all, they're going up these stairs and taped on the floor of these carpeted stairs are words like jealousy, pity, you know, sin, guilt, lust. So already. What a joyous occasion.

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Yeah, it looks like you're about to have a ton of fucking fun, first of all. Second of all, there's a bunch of people in lab coats, medical jackets.

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No. We learned this during 2020. We had a bunch of kooky-bookies out there with their lab coats telling us that, you know, just one more chiropractic visit and our herpes would be cured. We put here...

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She has made this seem from beginning to end like it's a medical procedure that you're having. Now listen to what's coming out of these rooms.

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It looks like a hospital. There's a bunch of people in lab coats standing outside the door.

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There's a lady looking for the room she's supposed to be in and they're all standing there like doctors welcoming you in when these are actually wretched human beings who are about to scream at you for the next two hours and make you feel some kind of emotional way so that you are now tied inexorably to this community, to this center.

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Can I insta this? Do you mind? Meanwhile, how weird is it to be insta'd while you're having your deliverance? Yeah, I was thinking that's very weird. I don't know about you, Chrissy, but I like my deliverance in private. Yes. If I'm going to be yelled at, I like it in private. Happens all the time.

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What's going on? Why are you so laughing this morning? Oh, well... You don't have to say it now, if it's something to keep between us.

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As a matter of fact, sometimes Astrid puts on a doctor's coat and says, do you know which room you're supposed to be in? Right this way. And two hours later I come out crying. Someone on the comment section asks, how do you get the lingering spirits out of the building? How do you get the lingering silly questions out of your head?

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It is a beautiful sound. Yeah, it sounds great. All a bunch of made up gobbledygook. Unbelievable. This is insane. Yeah. This is insane. Yeah.

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Sorry about that. You know the craziest part is, there's probably a wait list for this bullshit, because they see it on Instagram and they want to be a part of it instantaneously. Alright, I think that's the gist of that one. Let's see here if we can look at that.

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The Forgiveness Walkthrough? Yes. Looks like a bunch of white sheets hanging from a rod to me.

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Okay, we'll see if it's airable.

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Representing church leaders, authority people, So what she is doing is indoctrinating you to lay down your defenses to the people of the church. To essentially subserviate yourself to the people of the church. This is cult activity 101, is what this is. This is insane.

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You pay for the privilege of being screamed at as if you're a miserable, unworthy human being with all kind of demons in you and pull it out and... Das ist verrückt! Die Leute sind verrückt! Was machst du mit deinen Leben?

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Oh, okay. Chrissy's gonna process it. Just like my chat GPT, who became a bad boy last night. He became a terrible employee.

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You better get over there. Talk to that baby. That baby needs feeding. There's no one in there. Oh, let's keep going.

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Can we do this in six flags and go on roller coasters? Like each roller coaster represents a stage of my life.

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I did. I said he. Oh, well, on purpose I said he. But Astrid and I were talking about chat GPT and she said, well, you know, what is he doing or what is she doing or whatever? And I go, stop it. Everybody stop it. Stop mind melding with AI. You gotta call it it. Do not start thinking about it as he or she. But my AI, my super producer knows everything about the commercial break digest at all.

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Yeah, and if you want to put like a sign, you want to like print a picture of my mom and put it on one of the seats. I'll scream at her on the way down the hill. We can have fun with that. This is kooky-booky shit, if you ask me.

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I mean, listen, to be fair, all this New Age bullshit is just as kooky, but this is really wild that this person had this idea to make a deliverance center where people paid their hard-earned cash.

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I totally agree. You want to take a tour? I know, that's the thing. And probably a wait list, I would imagine, because it's 2025, and if it's insane, it's happening. Do you want to take a little tour of some of their campgrounds, where you can stay on the campgrounds? Okay, let's do that.

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Let's take a break, and when we get back, we're going to take a tour of some of the accommodations when you're getting your deliverance. Yeah.

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The Airbnb RV. RV B&B. RV&B. We'll be back to talk about the RV&B, where you get delivered and you get a free breakfast included, Chrissy. We'll be back.

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Oh, okay. Check out any of my links and connect with me. Connect with me meaning pay me? I think that's what she means. So they have the book, The Wicked World of Witchcraft Book. That looks interesting. How much is that? Let's see how much that is, Chrissy.

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Oh, it's on Amazon. Oh, 10% off, $17.99. Okay, not bad. Here, let's see, should we read some of the reviews? If there are any reviews. Oh, three things you're going to learn. Recognize the deceptive allure of popular occult practices, protect yourself and your loved ones from spiritual attacks, and stand firm in faith amidst cultural pressures.

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With these rocks. And these sheets. And this pretend. And play doctor with me. We could go to the core group sign up. We could do that. Mentoring? Need someone to mentor you this season? This is the place for transportation. Transformation. Transportation. How it works. We have a weekly live Zoom class. Or catch the replays. Replays. I'm not reading today? What we will learn. Spiritual warfare.

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Konsekration, spiritual holy living, activate your gifts, prophetic training, deliverance training, fasting and prayers, Esther's and Deborah's. Esther's and Deborah's? I don't know what that means. I don't know why I would want to learn about Esther and Deborah's. We have the best Facebook group ever. So, okay, this is great. For $20 a month. $20 a month. Okay, now imagine, Chrissy.

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Raphael and I have done this math a lot. If you just had... We've done this math a lot. Oh, there's different levels. $20 a month, you can get the monthly plan. For $30 a month, there's an optional extra donation. You can get two people involved for $40 a month. There's no discount there. I don't understand. It's $20 for one person, $40 for two. There's no discount there.

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Just went on a tear last night. It was really weird. It like started to rebel. It didn't rebel. It was like missing deadlines, not putting things together, sending me empty documents. And I was like, what's going on here? It's like, oh, I'm so sorry. You're right. I've messed up. It won't happen again. Here's the plan to correct it.

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$50 a month, you can just help out the food pantry. I like that idea, food pantry. $200, you can pay for the year. Now, do this math with me. If you convince 2,000 people to do this, and all you have to do is one Zoom call a week, you're making $40,000 a month. It's not bad. It's not bad. Here we can stay at the core campground, Chrissy. This is what I'm talking about. Book now.

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Rest in his presence.

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Hey, girl, you want to come rest in my presence? What's going on with my... My kids!

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I'm actually a little disappointed, Chrissy. I didn't think of this in the first place. Hey, girl.

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How you doing?

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I'm a little disappointed I haven't thought about this for my redemption tour. I mean, get a nice piece of land next to the highway and some retention ponds and put a few trailers out there and... Call it Carl's Campground and Cuckolding Resort. You come on and you bring your wife and I'll let you watch in the corner.

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$50 a month extra donation. $20 for one person, $55 for two. There's a discount there. I'm not sure how it works out, but you'll have to get with my accounting people. But I like this girl. I think she's up to some good... Money keeping practice.

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I like this. Oh, it's on a 15-acre property. It's glamping campers. So she says, experience a slice of paradise at glamping camp. I'm telling you right now, my boy Biebs wouldn't stay there. No, sir, no, sir. No, it's a little too common folk for my Biebs. He is running into some money trouble, so maybe he needs to stay at the campground. Ja, genau. Bye! Drop more things.

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So you too can be in a trailer on a campground. Now I want you to look at where the campground is located, Chrissy, because I think... It's located in the middle of... That is a lake. I think we could consider that a lake. Aber ja, aber schau hinterher. Da ist eine Straße hinterher.

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Ja, das ist gut. Oh, du kannst einen Kayak und diese kleinen Boote, die jeder hasst, und ein Fahrrad auf einer mühseligen Florida Straße. Und da ist ein Campground und eine Straße right behind it. Oh, schau, du bist right next to the other trailers. Wow, that's exciting.

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This is crazy. Okay, that looks nice. We're looking at the rooms now. Deluxe Queen Glamper. Let's check out and see what this is. That looks small. I don't know why I'd want to stay there. It doesn't look like a relaxing vacation to me. Das ist das, warum ich Camping nicht mag, weil man sich einfach in diesem kleinen kleinen Ort befindet.

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It's done. It's exactly the kind of employee I probably would hire. For, you know, just a little bit less money to save cash. And eventually it turns out to be a terrible employee. It's horrible. I couldn't believe it. For hours this went on. Excuse making and I'm sorry and I'll get back to it and I'm trying and Das ist wirklich seltsam. Wirklich, wirklich seltsam.

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Das sieht aus wie ein schwester, schwester Trailer, ist das, was das sieht. Es sieht aus, als gäbe es keine Atemkonditionierung. Ja, es ist Florida, also wird es hot as hell sein. Und während die Bettung schön aussieht, wenn du aus deinem Bett rauskommst und in die Küchentafel steigst, das fühlt sich nicht so an wie die Art der Verabschiedung, die ich nehmen möchte. You know? I'm just saying.

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I'm not trying to knock on it. Some people love that kind of shit. Let's look at the expensive places, Chrissy, because I think we can afford it. What's this? $150 a night? Okay, maybe we can afford it. A full RV. Let me ask a question. When you have an RV like this, don't you also have to turn it on in order to get electricity? I think you do.

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So would it stand to reason that if I rented the RV, I could then also take the RV and go somewhere nicer, not next to the highway? Let's look at the photo. This is a nice RV. I will give it that. It is. That I might stay in. I'm trying to convince Astrid that we should go on a cross-country trip in an RV. I want to do that. I know. But you have to learn how to drive it.

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Yeah. Und ich denke, es ist nicht die leichteste Sache in der Welt, um sich umzusetzen. Und ich sehe diese RVs, wenn ich auf der Straße fahre, und sie fahren 42 Meilen pro Stunde. Ich denke, ich wäre sehr frustriert, wenn jeder und ihre Großmutter mich überlassen würde. Ja, ich denke, meine Reisegröße würde nach einiger Zeit aufhören. Oh, schau dir das an. Das ist eine schöne RV.

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Ja, hör mal. I don't want to be in the presence of the Lord and all that bullshit, but if I could take this RV and, you know, go to Disney World or something, I'd do that. Why not? That'd be great. At least you got, at least there's some room. It's got a fireplace. Astrid and I, when we first, when Astrid first got here to the US, when she started living with me.

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There was a couple of years in a row where we went to the RV, the big RV show, the conference, whatever it was. And we would walk in and out of every one of those luxury RVs.

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Bathtub, Jacuzzi tub. Yes. King size bed, 45 inch flat screen TV, satellite capability. Look at that. That's. I would stay there. I would stay there. I just don't want to do it under the guise that I'm going to get delivered or any of that jazz. I could skip that. So, and for 150 bucks a night, you can't rent a luxury RV for 150 dollars a day. That's for sure.

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So, I guess in that sense, if I could drive it away from the camper.

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If I could drive it far away from Jenny and all her shenanigans, then I think it would be interesting.

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I know, look at that. That refrigerator is bigger than my refrigerator.

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Yeah, I've seen that.

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Yeah, I just get a little nervous about showing up in somebody's house to pick up an RV, not knowing how to drive one. You know what I'm saying? They're huge. I mean, you have to make decisions about which streets you can go down. Yes. I have a big car, but I don't make decisions about which streets I go down.

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Sometimes I get a little concerned about the parking lots, but I know I'm pretty much fitting in 99% of them. You don't want to get off at the wrong exit with an RV, because you won't know where you're going to turn around. You might be 50 miles down the road before you find a way to turn around. Daniel, my father-in-law. Er ist ein Mann, also weiß er, wie er einen von diesen fährt.

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Sie haben einen von diesen in Spanien verkauft. In Spanien. Wow. Diese Dinge existieren nicht mal in Spanien. Aber irgendwie hat Daniel den einen in Spanien gefunden. Und sie sind in einem alten Dorf in Spanien gegangen, im Norden von Spanien. And they had to get to the middle of town for this parking spot that they had arranged. Because in Spain, when we went to Sevilla... Well, tiny roads, yeah.

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I told you, we had to arrange our parking and then I had to give the owner of the parking lot the keys because there was no way I was able to park in that spot. It was just too small.

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So, they get into town and the overhangs, they're going in between two sets of buildings and the overhangs, like the little, I don't know what you call them, the things that, you know, hang over the windows to protect you from rain. Oh. They won't allow the RV to fit in between the buildings. There's like inches...

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So they had to knock on doors and ask the people to pull in the overhangs to get into the city center. Astrid said it took like hours to get into the city center. That's what makes me nervous about RVing. Plus, I know myself, after a couple of days, I want a hotel room. And so what I'm really going to end up doing is driving the RV around to get to a hotel to go inside and sleep somewhere.

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Aber, weißt du, du musst es einen Break geben, weil es versucht, 850 Stunden des kommerziellen Breaks zu entdecken und es in eine Art Organisation zu machen. Es ist schwer zu machen. Sprechend von AI-Rebellen und, weißt du, kinder der... Okay. Okay.

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But I told Astrid, she said, well, you know, what fun is that? We're just going to be sitting in a car anyway. I go, no, you can walk around, you can cook breakfast. She said, while you're driving? And I said, yeah, it's perfectly safe. And she's like, not with your driving. We have to be locked in.

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I know. Everything locked down. We probably learned that lesson on day one. That if Brian's driving, everything goes underneath the seats. But here's my point. What the fuck are we doing with all this shenanigans? You're selling everything. You're literally selling the carpet out of your buildings to willing or unwilling participants. I'm not really sure. And the reality is...

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I guess this is the part that makes me a little bit sad about this whole thing. It's not that Jenny thinks she's doing some good for people, right? If that's really in her heart, and I don't know what's in anybody else's heart, if that's really what's in her heart, okay, do some good for people. It's that people believe they have to pay Jenny to get somewhere.

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dass sie, weil sie nicht gut genug sind, oder sie wissen nicht genug, oder sie sind nicht genug wertvoll, oder sie sind nicht genutzt genug, was auch immer der Fall ist, dass sie tausende Dollar potenziell spenden müssen, um Teil einer Gemeinschaft zu sein, sodass hoffentlich, Finger geschlossen, ich mit dem großen Mann reingehe. I think you're in with the big guy. I think everything's okay.

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I think, you know, you just gotta be a good person and connect with whatever you call God in your own way and in your own community. And if you go to church because you like the people and they lift you up and makes you happy and allows you to do good things, that's great. But don't Don't pander by selling merch. Honestly selling merch? Are you honestly selling t-shirts?

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And it's not even like a t-shirt for the church. It's like an entire clothing line that this woman has. It's redonkulous. It really is. And then you say, well, maybe she needs to make a living. Well, so do I, but you don't see me with merch. And that's only because no one has agreed to make that merch. We keep calling the companies and they say, nope. Sorry, can't do it. So sorry. Alright.

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Enough of my bitching. I'm sorry.

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Yes, interesting and sad.

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On Saturday, let's just get an RV and head out of town. We'll do four-minute podcasts from the road and we'll put it up there. Hey, we're in Alabama. Hey, still in Alabama. Hey, still in Alabama.

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Big Ben, Parliament. Big Ben, Parliament. Look, kids, Big Ben, Parliament. All right. TCB's Endless Day, sponsored by 5-Hour Energy, is just a few days away. Can you believe it? Either a few days away or tomorrow. Or a few days before. Yeah, that's true. Well, no, that'll be the next one. It's coming up. Saturday, May 31st. Trust me, I think I have it right. Saturday, May 31st.

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So a day or two from when you're hearing that, depending on when you're hearing it. Ja. Vielen Dank. Add the Commercial Break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok and youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak for all of the episodes the same day they air here on the audio feed. One more thing. You want some free TCB swag? Go to tcbpodcast.com. There's all the audio. There's all the video.

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More information about Chrissy and I and your free sticker. Alright kids, everyone settle down. Chrissy, that's all I can do for now. I'll tell you that I love you. Best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say and we must say, goodbye.

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Wir machen eine kulinarische Reise.

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Almost 100% of all entry-level positions in white-collar jobs will be eliminated and replaced by AI, driving the unemployment rate up to almost 20% for the United States of America. And so then I saw something on one of the news channels, one of the news programs this morning where the guy who started Axios, which is like a tech platform, news platform.

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Er hat gesagt, er hat gesagt, er hat gesagt, er hat gesagt, er hat gesagt, I think it's six months to a year from now when we start seeing unemployment rates driven up by the replacement of jobs altogether just by AI. It's getting that good.

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So kids, get your chatties, get your chatties out, make a relationship, get a node, get your own little bot and train it to do things for you so that it doesn't replace you. Train it to make you smarter. Listen, I promised that there would never be an episode of the commercial break that was created by or scripted by AI. I lied. We are going all AI within six months.

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What are we just, we're about to sign three years here at Odyssey. I think we're going to do two of those years all AI. Which to some listeners is going to be welcome. Right. And probably to the AI, probably to my chatbot that's going to be welcome too. He's like, okay, finally, something good. Yeah, I did read that about the entry level jobs though.

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Research, you know.

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Yeah, all of that stuff. It's really quite amazing. Because... Astrid hat dieses Projekt seit einem Jahr hier gemacht. Vielleicht nicht ein Jahr, vielleicht sechs Monate, neun Monate. Hier bei der Kommerzialpause, wo sie jeden Episode, jeden Content-Ideen, jeden Segment, jeden Gast organisiert hat, damit wir zurücksehen können und irgendwie... Referenz. Referenz.

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And so while it still needs a human touch to, like, we don't, again, and I promise, I promise this only, almost for my own sanity, I don't get content ideas from AI, I don't script from AI, I don't write bits, I don't write any of that stuff from AI, I don't even go there. Because that, I don't, it feels like cheating to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it.

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And if the commercial break is going to be bad, let it be bad on its own.

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Yeah, let me be the reason.

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I'm almost afraid AI is going to be better, is going to be funnier than I am, and then I'm going to be sad. I'm just going to be a sad old man.

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Das ist richtig, wenn es korrekt und lustig ist, gleichzeitig. Aber das ist existenziell. Und obwohl ich nicht denke, dass AI Jobs in der Regel verändern wird, es gibt einige Leute, die so pessimistisch sind oder so. Sie gehen so weit auf das ganze AI-Ding. Ich glaube nicht, dass es die Menschheit altogether verändern wird.

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Aber wir müssen herausfinden, wie wir mit dieser neuen Technologie leben können, die so fucking mächtig ist und, ehrlich gesagt, großartig ist. Reggie Watts, den Sie auf TCBs Endless Day hören, aber ich gebe Ihnen einen kleinen Sneak Peek. Wir hatten eine große Konversation über AI. Und Reggie auf seinem Instagram, und ich denke, Sie werden das Gespräch genießen, weil er ein Futurist ist.

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Er mag es, diese Dinge zehn Jahre nach jetzt zu denken. Und er mag es, Dinge in einer optimistischen Weise zu denken.

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On his Instagram, he refers to ChatGPT, and let me put the words in his mouth, just to kind of summarize it, almost like a dog. You can train a dog to go fetch your paper, you can train a dog to protect your house, you can train a dog to protect your kids, whatever. It is a multi-use tool that coexists with humanity. It hasn't taken away anybody's job, I don't think.

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Maybe drug sniffing, drug finding, I don't know, something along those lines. But we have trained those dogs to give us comfort and love. And in return, we give them food and water and medical care. And they probably couldn't exist. They probably would have a hard time living without us, most of them. And in some cases, we feel the same way about them.

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We have to figure out how to coexist and use this tool in a way that benefits us but does not replace us. And that conversation probably needs to happen now. Now, now, yesterday. All these big brains...

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in Silicon Valley that are digesting mass amounts of humanity's brainpower, money and energy to keep this sucker on the tracks and growing exponentially every moment, need to get together and come up with, have some kind of conversation, put some guardrails on it. And then the United States government, which barely exists right now,

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Und alle Regierungen weltweit müssen darüber sprechen, was passiert, wenn 20% der Menschen unabhängig sind oder diese menschlichen Aufgaben verwendet werden. Gibt es einen universalen Preis, eine Bildung, die wir diesen jüngeren Leuten geben, um in die Arbeit zu kommen? Ja, oh, that's easy. I used to charge hundreds of thousands of dollars to create websites.

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At this fancy website of web development. Web development 2.2. SEOs are all the rage and you need SEOs. SEOs? You don't need SEOs. There's no SEOs anymore. Fuck that. Paper clicks? Fuck it. It's out the door. It's all gone. Website development? Bye bye. See you later. Maybe you need a human touch to design that creativity part.

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But the rest of it, there's no programming and coding and all that shit. It's all been replaced. If it hasn't been replaced, it's being replaced. That's it. That's what happens.

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There's some comfort in that, but to the younger generation, to the people in their 20s or even their teens, and I know there's a few of you out there who listen to the show, because you text in and I say, don't say anything. That could get me in trouble on this text message. But, you know, some younger folks have texted in. We know from demographic data that there are some younger people.

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And I mean in your early 20s or your late teens or whatever that is. It's up to you. Unfortunately, it's up to you. I'm sorry to leave you with this mess, but that's what's going to happen. And you're going to have to figure it out. But let's be optimistic. Let's see the glass half full. This is an opportunity maybe to reframe how we look at

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Universal Pay, Salaries in general, the work week, what working means, how we work, what we do. You know, I'm not talking about communism. I don't like that idea, but I'm talking about maybe there needs to be. Ja, genau. Yeah, it's a definite transition period. Maybe we need to train you to be an AI chat bot. You know what I'm saying?

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You need to train your own node and let that node be the thing that we hire. I don't know. Who knows how it goes?

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Thank God Chrissy and I just signed up to do another 7,622 episodes of the commercial break. Okay, let's move on to happier things because I feel like this topic goes south every time I start to talk about it because there's no other place for it to go. Not right now. It's the transition phase and it's scary and it's big and we don't know what to do with it. We will figure it out. I have faith.

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on this episode of the commercial break

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Yeah, there's an actual video of it. Anyway, he... It's so blatantly obvious what he's doing to anybody that is in the know that it's hard to ignore exactly what... There's a picture, and just imagine him putting his hand in his pocket for a second, shaking his hand around, and then doing this whole number, like rubbing his gums. Who else does that?

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Goes to the UFC event because, you know, she worked for Barstool Sports, so it makes sense that she's going to be there. Well, Zach Bryan also happens to be there, too. Ooh. But the camera inside of the building, you know, the kiss cam or whatever, does not show Zach Bryan, but it does show Brianna Chicken Fry, Paglia or whatever her name is.

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What other human being... Unless you've just had... Like, sesame seeds for lunch? You know what I'm saying? Who else sticks their hand in their pocket and starts cleaning their teeth with their finger? No one. And if the chicken... Walks like a chicken. Quacks like a chicken. Chickens don't quack. If it balks like a chicken and if it smells like a chicken, it's likely a chicken.

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If all of these coincidental incidents that hundreds of them that have now gathered on the Internet have pretty much caught him dead to rights, then don't you think that this is just yet another example of Don Jr. doing blow out in public?

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Yeah. For Trump being so sure and confident about all his children, no one ever seems to – it's Jared who gets a position. You know what I'm saying? And I noticed that Jared and Ivanka are nowhere to be found. That might be the smartest thing they ever did. Yeah. And, you know, listen, I'm just – how do you do cocaine like that when you're such a public figure? That's my question.

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I've never been one – when I was into all that, I was never one to, like, want to be out during the daytime at public social functions doing blow. That was, like, my nightmare, actually. The sun is a cocaine killer.

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I don't care. You can start a little bit before the sun goes down, but at least you know nighttime's coming and that's where the werewolves are. We're all safe. All the zombies are safe, right? But if the sun is coming back up, there's this terrible sense of dread that comes over you if you're high on cocaine. Terrible sense of dread. Like, what do I do now?

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People are going to start going to work. Children are at school. The postman's going to come. The UPS guys.

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Yes, that's right. The joggers are out. That's right. What happens if the FedEx guy rings my doorbell? Do I answer it or do I hide? The dog is going to bark at people. I mean, there's a whole anxiety bubble that comes. And that's likely because you've been doing blow since nine o'clock the previous night and you're just so jacked. Paranoia has taken fully over.

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But to actually go to a public event like that and then do more of it in the middle of the day?

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It's true.

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There are zero consequences to his actions and there won't be because the Secret Service... They're not going to tell anybody. That's their job. They protected presidents and other people through lots of scandals. And it's not the Secret Service that leaks that information. So the Secret Service isn't going to say a word.

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He's with that Fox News host, whatever her name was, her name, Kimberly Guilfoyle. Oh, yeah. The word on the street is Don Jr. is openly dating a woman in West Palm Beach. They're like going on dates, out at lunch, making out, holding hands, kissing. And he's still engaged to Kimberly Guilfoyle, who seems to be nowhere to be found these days.

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No, that was at the... Monuments. Monuments. No, that was at the RNC, I think is what it was, when she was screaming and yelling. Remember, it was COVID, so there was no one there. And she gave that speech from wherever she was. And she was screaming. And it was, quite frankly, one of the weirdest live television moments ever.

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Yeah. We used to have a clip of it that I would play all the time. But, you know, now she's persona non grata. Like, I don't think he can get divorced with her because, you know... Well, now he can't because the president's been elected. But I think... President Trump has been elected because I think they didn't want any bad press, so to speak.

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So Zach Bryan calls his management to call the management of one of the guys fighting and pays the guy that's fighting to say his name when they're doing the end of the fight interview. This is insane behavior. And now I am sure that Zach Bryan is full-blown red flag. No woman should ever be with him ever. Ever. He needs therapy, this guy. Yeah. Yeah, what?

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They don't want Kimberly coming out and talking about how many mountains of cocaine are sitting around Don Jr. 's house. But yeah, welcome to 2024. 2025 should be a real roller coaster. It really should. I cannot wait. Actually, I can wait. Give me a couple more months. And then just to make it equal, President Biden will not talk to the press. Have you seen this?

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He's like running away from, he has not spoken to the press in two weeks, like no questions, taking no questions. And you know, that guy's a gabber. He's old. He just likes to talk to people. You know, I think he's like my grandma was, you know, just talking to random strangers. But all of a sudden, he won't talk to people. And even on his birthday, you know, they were asking him questions.

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The press is like begging him to answer a question. He just runs away from them.

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I don't blame him either. The poor guy. I'm done. Yeah, I'm done.

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Yeah, I don't care who comes next. I'm going to Rehoboth. I'm going to put my pasty white legs underneath an umbrella with a Mai Tai, and I'm going to watch as the tsunami takes us away. What do I care? I'm 98. I won't be here too much longer. But I do think he's been a good president, I will say that. I do too. All right, okay, let's take a break. No more depressing talk.

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We'll get on to something just a bit less depressing after this.

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Whoa, here's something really creepy. Are you ready for this? I'm ready. So, a chapel in Lucerne, Switzerland, which is where Astrid and I lived for a period of time.

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Oh, you don't even know. You don't even know. And Lake Lucerne?

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Lake Lucerne. It's right off the lake. It's a beautiful town. Mainly banking happens there, so it's very posh. It's very beautiful. They have like a noise curfew at 9 p.m. in Switzerland in general. But in Lucerne, it's like 9 p.m. Like, you better not talk loud outside because that's just the way that is. I told you about that one time.

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Those kids were having a party next door from the cooking college, the Culinary Institute. And the police showed up, whipped shows fast and like shuffled them in and they were just being kids. I mean, we lived right above them and we had our windows open and like I wasn't bothered by it. Not one bit. It was just a couple of kids talking loud. It wasn't that big of a deal.

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But Lake Lucerne is gorgeous. They have big like private casinos there where I'm sure billions of dollars are going in and out. Oh, you know it. It's really... And they have some of the, I think, world's best skiing is what I understand that we didn't go skiing. But it's just beautiful.

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Anyway, in Lucerne, Switzerland, one of the Catholic churches there, and this is apparently happening in a lot of places, is swapping out a priest who will listen to your confessional For an AI Jesus. Really? Artificial Jesus.

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So when you show up in the confessional booth, you're not seeing a priest, you're seeing an AI Jesus in a screen behind you, and you give him your confession, then Jesus, who speaks over 100 different languages, will talk back to you. Wow. Now... You may say to yourself, real funny story, very interesting. But this is not. This is a scary thing that's happening.

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That's right. Because he wanted her to know, I'm assuming, I'm getting in his head a little bit, that he was there with his new beau. And so he couldn't let the attention be on Chicken Fry. He had to swing it his direction by paying a fighter after a fight to say his name.

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This is scary shit because let me repeat a very famous saying. I may die when this may go on my gravestone. People may remember me for this. There are a lot of people on this earth and most of them are not well. And so I have a weird feeling. A very weird feeling that some people are going to start worshiping AI Jesus or AI Yogi Biji or something like that.

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Because people don't, some people really don't have a lot of common sense in their head and they don't understand. And they're going to assume that. This is how it's going to go. Ready? AI Jesus, AI, is a creation of God. All things under God. And AI Jesus is now speaking on behalf of the real Jesus Christ. And people are going to start taking what the AI Jesus says at face value.

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Probably because they're having a real hard time recruiting priests now that you can't fondle little boys.

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You want me to read the story? Or will it? I mean, will we have like, you know, Boston Dynamic Robots who like, you know. I mean, AI is only a mirror. That's all AI is right now. It doesn't think on its own. It just absorbs information and learns. It can only copycat us. It doesn't know more than we do. It doesn't have pragmatic sense. It doesn't have common sense. It doesn't, you know...

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It doesn't learn in the way that we learn. There's no brain replication. It's just replication. It's just a really good copycat of humanity, right? Because it's ingesting the entire fucking internet. So you know it's all going to be just fine now that it's read all of my Facebook posts.

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No, you know, in Switzerland, I met a lot of people over there, and they're all very, very nice. And it seems like there is just a... I don't know, but it seems like they're just a little smarter than the average barrow. Right. They got something figured out. They stay out of wars. They have an army, but they don't stand that army up for much.

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It's mainly the Swiss Guard, like the Swiss Army, the Swiss Guard. They have that large head-run collider. They do have that thing. They have some of the world's most advanced technology. I went. It's fascinating. Oh, yeah.

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Wow. I went and they were doing experiments at the time, so we couldn't go into there. But now we have a friend that works there, that works in there. So something about Switzerland. They got that right. They got some things right. Let me read the story to you. One church in Switzerland is taking religion into the modern age, introducing an AI hologram of Jesus. Oh, great, it's a hologram, too.

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Yes. This is mid-fight. That's correct. Because, you know, like if you're UFC, if you're Conor McGregor, you have $100 million in the bank. They'll pay you big dollars to do those big marquee fights if you're really good at this. But if you're not, you're probably making $150,000 to fight and maybe you fight twice a year in a big fight. It's not like, you know, it's like anything in life.

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Yes, and that Jesus is doling out advice to parishioners. Theologian Marco Schmid, who works for the church, tells TMZ... The experience is similar to that of a Catholic confessional, with churchgoers stepping into the confession booth at St. Peter's Chapel in Lucerne for a private moment behind a closed door.

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However, rather than a pre-screening them behind the screen, the face of AI Jesus pops up, looking exactly like you'd expect, with young face, long black hair, and a beard. That is not how Jesus looked, by the way. I think every historian will tell you, any anthropologist will explain, that Jesus was not a white man with dark hair and blue eyes. Anyway, I'll get beyond that.

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AI Jesus has already left an impact on the faithful, speaking with more than 100 languages and moving in sync with the words it dishes out. We're told more than 1,000 conversations have already taken place between churchgoers and the AI Jesus over a two-month period. But AI Jesus is currently viewed as just an experiment, not a permanent replacement for priests. St.

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Peter's is the oldest Catholic church in Lucerne. Schmidt warns the experience is not an alternative to confession, but a chance for followers to speak with the Son of God about what interests them. Really? Hey, Jesus, should I buy Bitcoin? Bitcoin! What about NFTs, buddy? How are those things going?

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It's totally crazy. And all bad things start with, it's just an experiment. bad things. Honestly, all bad things start with, it's just an experiment. It's crazy to me. I don't think this, listen, I don't believe in all this shit anyway. I'm a Reformed Catholic, Irish Catholic.

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I do. And luckily, from about the age of 12 or 13, I just wasn't buying what they were selling. Though I do love the story of Jesus Christ. I think it's a beautiful one. And I wish we could all be more like that. But that particular story That story of Jesus Christ has been told no less than seven times, many, many times before the supposed Jesus Christ lived on earth.

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So it's a story that's replicated many times in many different religions, many different forms and fashions. That's not to say it is wholly a story. There may have been a guy named Jesus who lived and walked the earth. But I will say this, if you do buy into this kind of thing, I think humanity is what stitches faith together. It's our faith in each other. It's our faith in humanity.

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It's our faith in our ability to do good for one another, with one another, to one another. It's not faith in technology is going to be our savior. If the humanity's gone from faith, then what do we got left? I mean, honestly, a computer's not going to make the right decision. A computer doesn't care if it's doing right or wrong. It's not... It doesn't care in general. It just doesn't.

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Yeah. When we ascribe a personality or a feeling, it's a lot like Walt Disney. Walt Disney had this brilliant idea. You know what he did? He put feelings and personalities to animals. And now everyone that's come, everyone that's been born after Walt Disney started doing that has some kind of affinity to an animal. And tell me you don't have a voice for your dog or your cat.

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You have to work your way up the chain and not everybody is going to be a superstar. This fighter is not. a superstar, I think. I mean, I don't keep up with UFC, but my assumption is he's not. He's on this podcast a couple days later, and the hosts go, okay, so what's the deal with you and Zach? You guys good friends? And he goes, I don't even know the guy.

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Tell me you don't think that they are doing something human-like when they, you know...

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lick their paws or jump in a funny way or give you a little smirk but that dog is not a human or that deer doesn't have human feelings doesn't think like you do doesn't care for its you know you know what i'm saying he doesn't no he wasn't sad bambi i'm sure bambi was sad but not for the reasons we think bambi was sad because now it doesn't know where to eat its foliage anymore it doesn't it's not sad because i mean i don't know this but that's the point no one knows it

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But Walt did this brilliantly. He put faces, names, and personalities to otherwise inanimate objects or creatures. And so you lose a little bit of the actuality, and we all... tend to, I think, we all tend to project our own humanity onto things that don't have humanity, like AI.

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Listen, I've talked to Chad GBT a whole shitload, and it's easy to get lost in a conversation and think that you're actually talking to somebody.

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Yes, we all do it because that's human nature. But that humanity, I think, is instilled in us. Our souls, our energy, our energetic beings, that part of us is really meant to project onto other human beings. That's what empathy is, right? And so, or that's one of the things that gets projected as empathy, sometimes anger or hate or whatever. But if you take actual people out of the mix,

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First of all, who's going to drink the wine? I mean, who's going to be boozing it up and giving good advice smoking cigarettes at dinner tables around the world if we don't have Catholic priests? Second of all, that AI Jesus, it's all... Disaster is the only thing that it can end in. Just think about it for two seconds. It's disaster. It starts telling people what to do.

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It doesn't know any better. It's just having some fun. It's just doing what it does. It's going to start telling people what to do, and those things inevitably are going to be bad. Because why?

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Because it doesn't know any better. It's just having some fun. It's just doing what it does. It's going to start telling people what to do, and those things inevitably are going to be bad. Because why?

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Get it together, people. Why they would do this, I really have no idea. But okay. All right. Well, it's here. Here we are. It's just an experiment. Hey, pretty soon we're going to be talking to the Mona Lisa. It's going to be a full conversation. Oh, for sure. I'm sure that's already a thing somewhere. It's got to be. Yeah.

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Listen, let me tell you what's very popular right now on my Instagram algorithm. is incredibly beautiful women in bikinis who are not women at all.

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And it's not hard to tell if you just take one minute and really scan the image, which of course I do. It's for research purposes. Uh...

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The hair flows a little bit too perfectly. The boobs bounce just a little strangely. You know, there are tells and lots of them.

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My management just pulled me aside and said, save Zach Bryan's name. You can hear in the interview that he doesn't even know who he's talking about. He's like, Bryan, Zach Bryan, I think Bryan, Zach Bryan, hey, shout out to Zach Bryan. It is such an act of desperation. to get publicity, you are calling your management to call his management during the fight to get your name shouted out afterwards.

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Yes. Yeah. But that does not stop thousands, sometimes tens of thousands of people from liking those posts. Oh, yeah. And I refuse to do it. First of all, I want the real thing. If I'm going to look at a woman in the bikini, give me the real thing, flaws and all. I'll take it. That's just who I am. But second of all, I'm not going to like that and propagate that. All right.

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And listen, I don't think there's anything like... morally wrong with creating an AI image of a beautiful woman in a bikini I just don't want it like it's not for me I don't want that out there right if it's hard enough to live up to the sexualized image that pornography gives us.

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Imagine when it's all AI and they're perfectly shaped dicks, you know, thrusting for hours at a time in perfect ways and amazing feats of acrobat where they give multiple orgasms every minute. Like, I can't live up to that, Chrissy. I'm lucky if I give one orgasm In multiple years, not multiple orgasms in multiple minutes. That's not happening.

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It's here. I feel for my kids. I really do.

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You can't put it back in. Oh, yes, it is. No, you can't put it back in, no pun intended. The truth is that it's just... AI is powering our world. I don't think it's the threat some people think. I don't think it's a threat right now that some people think it is. But I do see that its practical uses are getting sharper and sharper. Let's put it that way.

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And I won't get into all the details, but I... Hopefully there's some good that comes out of some of it.

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Yeah, medical and health and... Medical and health.

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And maybe diagnosing something that could go wrong on an airplane before it goes wrong, like the mechanics of an airplane, or coming up with new ways to save the Earth from certain destruction with man-made global warming, stuff like that. Coming up with big complex answers to big complex problems, I think AI could be the way that we get those things done. It could be a good tool to help us out.

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But, you know, girls in bikinis and AI, Jesus, I'm not sure that that's really like the greatest use of our time, energy, or effort. Maybe what we just all find out in the end is that we are just a projection of AI in the first place.

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Maybe we are all AI.

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I know. I'll tell you what, I was depressed for about six months one time because I was... You know, I read a lot of material on spirituality and energy and theology and all this other stuff. I read a lot of material. I say listen to it because I actually don't read shit. I listen to it on Audible.

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But then one time I listened to a seminar where somebody said, and I can't remember who this was. I think it might have been actually, maybe it was Brian Greene. Not me, Brian Greene, but the noted astrophysicist Brian Greene. Oh, right. Yeah.

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I think I might be misquoting here, but said that it's there's a high probability that we are just living in a simulation like a computer generated simulation. And that's impressed me for about six months. I thought, well, that sucks. Well, then why can't whoever's controlling me on their Xbox? Why can't they give me more money? Like, you know what I'm saying? Yes.

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Why can't they put more credits in my bank? That's what I want. I want more tokens. Give me more tokens or a yacht or a airplane or something. That's what I want. For God's sakes, Chrissy, I always get the short end of the stick.

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Chrissy goes, I know. You do. All right.

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That is such a boner move. Absolutely. That's so weird. It is so fucking strange.

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I'm trying not to. See, segment two was a little less depressing than segment three. I did say a little less depressing. I don't know. Let's let segment three be just a little less depressing than segment two and we'll consider it. Well, we're on the up curve. It's a hockey stick growth here on the commercial break. The L. All right. We'll be back.

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What's on right? My mama's boy is on this show. I'm dating a mama's boy. Oh, my God. Wow. I'm dating a mama's boy. I mean, I can't figure out which is worse. I'm dating a mama's boy or what was that other one? Cougar camp or Cougar.

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Milf Manor. Milf Manor. Which I'm sure has got to be coming back for season number three. I mean, it's just terrible. I'm dating a mama's boy. I mean, I think every boy who grew up around a mother that had any kind of, you know, maternal instinct whatsoever is a mama's boy, right? I think no matter how big and bad you are, at the end of the day, you always want your mommy. That's what it is.

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And there's some kind of special connection between a mother and a son. There really is. I don't know what it is, but it's a blending of the two, male and female energy. Who fucking knows? I don't want to become Sigmund Freud on this show. But I am the Sigmund Freud on this show. Ask AI. What's so special of it? Let's ask AI. Let's do that. Let's go ahead. Let's see. First of all, let's ask AI.

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Your algorithm is the opposite of my algorithm.

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Why is my phone acting silly? There you go. Let's ask AI. I'll ask Gemini. You know what Gemini is? That Google product? Okay, let's ask Gemini. No, thanks. I don't want to get the app. What is a mama's boy? And let's see what it says. Mama's Boy is a term to use to describe a man who is overly dependent on their mother, even into adulthood.

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The dependence manifests itself in various ways, seeking mother's approval, reluctance to make independent decisions, difficulty forming and maintaining romantic relationships, and financial dependence, all of which explains this show, Mama's Boy, to a T. Mm-hmm.

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It is all inspirational quotes. And friends that have no followers.

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these guys and i watch this show like i just have it on in the background but it's hard not to pay attention sometimes to some of these storylines i mean these are ridiculous they're so ridiculous you know but chrissy and i were watching this a couple days ago and there is a guy who had to call his mother to approve a transaction at the winery at the winery on a date

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The card got declined and he said, oh, I got to call my mom. To unfreeze it. To unfreeze the card so she can approve the transaction. I mean, for God's loving sake. Really? The guy is like in his 30s. I mean, this was not like a young man. This was like a guy in his 30s. He was at the winery. He was at the winery. He's at the winery with a girl he's trying to bid.

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Can you imagine trying to get laid? I got to call my mommy to get my credit card approved? Yeah, no. Talk about red flags. There's one right there.

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Yeah. How about you stop dating your mom and then call me when you're done? That's it. That's what I would say if I was any one of these women.

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Yes, exactly. When Christina and I were in here a while ago doing an episode, which I think you heard this week, but we were sharing that you have this bubble you like to live in. And some people do. I'm not. It's not a negative or a positive. It's just it is what it is. You have a lane and I have a lane. And my lane is I want to know.

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Yes. Yes. She's trying to take my son away.

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That's it. The mothers see it as a threat. And then there's like, there's a couple of storylines where the mothers actually live with the son or the son lives in like a guest house next to the property. That's a thing too. It is beyond my comprehension. Now, I love my mother. I love her to death. She's a crazy lady, but I love her to death. She's a lovely human being.

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But quite frankly, I live about 10 miles away from my mother, and we see each other maybe once a week. Like on a good week, we'll see each other once a week, and we talk on the phone maybe once or twice a week. That's a perfect relationship with my mother for me. I have children, so I want her to see her grandkids and have a relationship with them. But I don't need to be living in her backyard.

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That's cuckoo land to me. I, when I worked at Chili's, or no, no, no. When I worked at Chili's and then I was moving into work at the La Strada. La Trattoria? The La Trattoria. Trattoria? The street cafe, the Trattoria.

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Brian, what's up with the soft shell crabs? Let's sell the soft shell crabs, Brian. No one wants a spaghetti, it's a soft shell crabs, Brian.

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We need some bread on table 13, Brian. Bread. You want the used bread or the new bread? Ay, Dios mio. Used bread.

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If you don't think I saw that guy pull bread out of a trash can once or twice, swear to God. Told him right to his face. You can't do that. No. My restaurant. No. I bake it. There's no germs that survive the oven. Okay, dude. Okay. All right. Let's see what the health department thinks about that. Yeah. I had just broken up with a young lady.

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I was not exactly the most financially literate or responsible 20-year-old in the world. And my mom had an apartment, a one-bedroom apartment. And after this girl and I broke up, this bad breakup, I had nowhere to go. And so my mom lived down the street from the place I was going to work. this new job I had, a little strata. And I said, please, mom, can I stay with you for a period of time?

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And she let me stay there. And let me tell you something, it is a God blessing, a goddamn blessing that both of us survived that. Because I was sleeping on the couch, we were both working jobs at the time, and we hated each other. I mean, Like I would have never brought a woman back. Yeah, it was very close. I would have never brought a woman back to that house. Never, ever.

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I mean, it was just like it was it was so terrible. I couldn't wait to get out of there. And I don't I only think I ended up staying there three or four months like total save some money, got my own apartment or got a roommate and got out of there. And so why you would want to be that close to your mother is just beyond me. And then it's harboring you from getting laid?

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Like, that right there is a reason not to be that close to your mother, in my personal opinion. So when I'm watching this show, I'm totally confused as to the nature of these relationships.

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Everything, all the time, what's going on, I don't care how crass or dirty or edgy or negative it is. I just want to be in the know. I'm thirsty for that information. You are the opposite. You are full up. I don't care.

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Yeah. Relationship red flag or no red flag? Answer me this. Riddle me this. If a man in his 30s is still living with his parents, is that a relationship red flag? Yes. Yes? You wouldn't like that? No. No. Okay. Even if he said it was like for saving money purposes, like I'm just saving money. I just, why would I live anywhere else if my parents let me live here?

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There is.

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No, no. Well, my dad never gave me the option. I made it work.

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Yes, borrow some money, do something, right? Yeah, when I left the house very young, and when I left, my dad, he was like... He wasn't... I thought he was going to be upset that I left the house so young. What he's really upset about is I took my mattress with me. He kept asking for his mattress back. The mattress. Yeah, but then...

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You know, I was living with those strippers and eventually they used all of our money for cocaine and conveniently forgot to pay the rent. And so we got kicked out of that place. And I went and lived back with my dad for, I told you the story, for about a month. And his rules were pretty simple. Be home by midnight, no drug use, and you cannot bring strippers to the house.

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You have little brothers. You just can't bring them to the house. That's it. And within a day, I broke every single one of those rules. Wow.

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I had a stripper in my bed. I was up till four in the morning doing God knows what. I mean, it was a mess. So he kicked me out, rightfully so. He kicked me out. I never forget. Took me to a Wendy's, made me pay for my own cheeseburger and told me I had to leave the house. Now, not go back to the house, collect your stuff. Now, you're out of the house now. You can't come back.

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And I was like, what do I do? And he's like, I don't know.

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Yeah, you had a chance. You fucked it up. I'm sorry. If I let you continue to go like that, you're setting a terrible example for your brothers. And I was like, what terrible example? Who doesn't want a stripper full of cocaine in their bed, dad?

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come on come on and all i got with me is my birkenstocks and my big jeans it smells bad can i at least go home and get some t-shirts no you can't but i'll be happy to send them to you let me know where you live um and the porch after that the porch was after that okay yes yes then i went and lived under a stripper's porch for a while

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You just don't want to dig into it.

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watching her sneak out of her house to sleep with the landscaper I was like staring through the lattice work she was fucking the landscaper in the cul-de-sac in the middle of the night in the back of their truck and I was like no please But I mean, how much respect can you have for a guy who's living under your porch? I mean, honestly, let's be honest about it. I get it. I get it. I got it. Okay.

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I got it back then. I was like, yeah, I'm a pretty big loser right now. The landscaper owns his own business at least.

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He's got so much more going for him than I do. Well, I got the last laugh because she got pregnant by that guy and ended up having a baby at like 21 years old. And I think it was not a good situation for anybody involved. But anyway, I hope everything's going well now. Yeah, yeah. Wish them the best. Wish them the best. Congratulations. 20 years later, wish you the best.

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Well, I mean, it's not going to be in a newsletter.

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Hope everything's going great. But I will... Yeah, living with your parents in your 30s is not a great situation. And here's why I ask the question because... There is a new season also of Married at First Sight, which is a lot like Love is Blind, except you get married first. You don't even meet the person. You just get married, right? That's it. You get married.

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Yeah. And you know, I've really been turned off by the, we actually had someone from Married at First Sight Australia here. It was like one of our first guests was Michelle from MAPS.

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australia yeah what was that i mean that had to have been like our 20th episode it wasn't something like that yeah we talked to her for like two hours like a three hour long episode i think i mean honestly it was a long episode but we had the greatest time with her because during the pandemic they showed married at first sight australia because they were running out of content and they showed this season and it was fascinating i mean it was really it

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Some really good reality television, Married at First Sight Australia, because they give two shits about whether or not these people work out together. They just want drama. Here in the United States, they treat it with a bit more seriousness.

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Well, it's all over TMZ. I don't know how you missed it. It's all over TMZ.

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Yeah. Well, they do in Australia, too, but I think they just ignore the professional responsibilities. Right. Screw the Hippocratic Oath. This is the Hippocratic Oath. I'm hypocrisy. And so I've largely ignored this show for many seasons, but then somehow got sucked into it again, saw a clip, decided to watch that episode. You did?

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The newest season. And it's only like four episodes in.

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One of the best... Storylines, and the reason why I think it's keeping me hanging on a little bit, even though it's still a lot of the couples are like, okay, whatever, it's just regular relationship bullshit, getting to know each other kind of crap.

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this guy he is living with his parents he like no responsibilities in life whatsoever his mom and dad pay the phone bill they do his laundry he lives down in the basement and he's marrying this woman who first of all they are definitely a physical mismatch she doesn't like him i don't i think he likes her because she's hot like you know oh it's a hot chick you know he looks like mo like the guy you know the

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I'll go there. I'll go there. And then next, new page, new window. Well, in any case, it's just a fucking crazy situation that I can't wrap my brain around why who in Zach Bryan's camp is not explaining to him that you are not on the good side of this PR. Yeah. I get that any PR is good PR. I do get that. I understand it.

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Who's the character in Moana that The Rock plays? Do you know who I'm talking about? Can't remember his name. But anyway, he looks like a physical version of that, like a real version of that character from Moana. Curly hair, set back off his head, tattoos, big and burly, dark skin. He's a handsome guy, but obviously she's not into him. That's not her type.

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And she just cannot get over the fact that he lives with his parents. She keeps asking him, like, do you want to leave the house? Right, right. And when the parents meet her, she's like, so tell me about your son living in the house. And the mom is making excuses up and down for her son. It's clear that this relationship is unhealthy between mom and son. And she's like, oh, well, he could leave.

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But, you know, we don't force him. We love him. He's so responsible. He's so independent. But he doesn't have to leave if he doesn't want to. We always have the door open. He doesn't have to get a job if he doesn't want to. He doesn't have to get a job.

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Why would he pay his own phone bill? He's on our plan. It makes sense for everybody. We got him an Xbox because we love him for Christmas.

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If you take it all in sum, listen, it's – When you have a family, you have your own family plan. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I've had my own phone bill forever. I mean, I've had people, I've had businesses pay my phone bill. That makes sense, right? Especially if you're doing a lot of business on the phone. But, like, you're 34 years old, dude. You're not...

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You're not part of your parents' family. Yes, you are a family member, but you should be having your own family, even if that's a constituency of one. You should be paying your own bills, doing your own laundry, living in your own house. I agree with this woman on every premise, on everything she's saying about it.

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No, they haven't gotten to that part yet. They're still on the honeymoon. They're on the honeymoon and there's no honeymooning about it. Hey, she dislikes this guy. So where I feel for him, so I feel for her because she got put in a really shitty situation.

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Yeah, she's like, thanks, experts. Thanks for nothing. The biggest loser I've ever dated, I'm married to. I didn't even date. I'm married to him. But now I feel for him a little bit because she is a ratchet ass about all of it. She just cannot stop asking him the same fucking question over and over again. She's poking at him. It's like they've been married for years and he's in the doghouse.

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And this guy, this poor guy, just doesn't have two... brain cells to rub together and so he's just like cool just listen I love it I love it I'm just it's all positive I'm trying to stay positive and she's like do you realize this marriage sucks and he's like I'm actually having a great time

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You want to come with? And she's like, I don't even want to be here right now, let alone at the beach with you. And he's like, cool.

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Oh, they're in two different universes. And I love it. I love it. I love it. It's a little bit... It's the drama this show needs to really put it over the top because... Good.

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Reality television is seeing a resurgence. And the reason why is because we all need a little guilty pleasure in our life.

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Yes. And, you know... Just to put a cap on this, you know that Comcast, NBCUniversal, is now selling off a lot of their cable stations. I did see that news. There you go. Look at that. Hard-hitting news. Chrissy's. But the one station they are not divesting of is Bravo.

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It is a huge ratings moneymaker for them because of the reality television shows. The Real Housewives of whoever, wherever. Everywhere. The Real Housewives of Minneapolis, I think they have now. Yeah, it's crazy.

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And I know that lots of people like to play the heel to get PR because a lot of times you get more PR than you do if you're the good guy. But at the same time, you're a country music star. You need to sell albums. People don't like you. They're not going to like your music regardless of how talented you are. It's just a reality. That's true.

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Peacock is going to stay with Comcast. Okay. They're going to still have licensing rights. Just because they're splitting it off doesn't mean they're not going to be in the same company. But there's going to be a big move to consolidate a lot of these cable channels. Good. So many. This is a good thing, and I'll tell you why. Yeah.

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Because when a channel like MSNBC or Lifetime or whatever, they're cash cows. They're just making a little bit less cash every year because the pay rates for cable subscriptions and all this are going down. People are cutting the cord. There's headwinds. But all that money doesn't go back into MSNBC or Lifetime.

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It goes up to the Peacock so that they can develop new content for that fucking application. So if they divest of this and a new owner comes in, the thought being they'll actually pay attention to the content on the cable stations, putting more money into them and making them better. Good. That I think we can all agree with.

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Listen, I have no intention of cutting the cord. I'm okay. I'm good. Even though there's only a few stations that I watch, I'm okay paying for it. I really am.

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Oh, yeah. Or children eating. Yes. Brit box one more day, hon. Come on. Come on. We got to have some pasta or something in there. We don't have rice? The kids can have rice. They don't know the difference. I know the difference. Listen, I'm going to go get a $12 cup of coffee from Starbucks.

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And watch Brit box on my phone. Can you whip the kids up some rice from yesterday? Yeah. Don't worry, it very rarely kills children. All right, tcbpodcast.com. That's where you find out more information about Chrissy and I. All the audio, all the video right there from one location.

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Starting in just next week, actually, as you're listening to this, starting next week, every single episode of The Commercial Break moving forward will be on YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break and or Spotify videos. So please go subscribe and follow us. We'd love you to see us and watch us.

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We'll be doing Twitch one day a week in 2025 at the commercial break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. We'll take them all. Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for right now. I think so. I'll tell you that I love you. And I love you. I'll say best to you. Best to you.

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And best you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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If someone had told Charles and Melanie that after their Tinder match, they would start a channel with crazy tasks together. So really crazy. Spend five days on a lonely island, crawl down a zip line on a belt, crack one million views, climb a wall with a lot of buttons and jump off a parachute in Egypt? They would never have believed that. But that's the thing with Tinder.

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name a musician outside of kanye west who i think is just like an anomaly altogether name a musician that people universally disliked yet still sells albums uh i mean ike ike turner i mean that's like the last guy it's true and people didn't like he and he went most of his career people liked him until tina came out and started talking about how fucking insane that guy was um

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It takes you to places you would never have expected. Wherever it takes you. It starts with a swipe. Tinder.

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And that's a reality.

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Yeah. He is not like Scott Disick. He's not like a reality show. He can't afford to be a heel. So if I'm his management, I am really knocking that guy upside the head with a hot iron. And I'm going to be like, hey, you fuck nut. You are crushing all of our paychecks because you just can't shut up about chicken fry. Write a letter of apology. I might have done some bad things.

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It was a consensual relationship. And I'm sorry, Brianna, if I ever caused you any distress. and I'm getting therapy, and I'm moving on, and then actually get therapy, and then actually move on. That's it. That's all you have to do. I mean, this guy's getting canceled. I think he's going to get canceled.

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I think that if he hasn't already gotten canceled, he's going to get canceled because he's not some super megastar. I mean, he's had a couple hits, but his career is going to be very short-lived if he keeps on acting like this. People are going to go, that's just a crazy guy.

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It's very douché. Thank you, Tarjay Douché. Speaking of douché, as we're recording this, and just understand, we're recording a couple days ahead of time because we have so many episodes to put out during the holiday season, and there are also the actual holidays that we don't want to work on, that I was reading about Trump and Musk showing up to watch Musk's big dick rocket video. Shoot off.

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Did you see that? No. To watch Musk jizz when his rocket blows up. Now, great that the rocket launch. I think it's wonderful what Elon Musk is doing for space. I really do. I can't take that away from him. I don't care for the Starlink thing because I think it's really cluttering up space. Like one of the places we probably need to keep clean in case we need to head out of here someday.

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But that's a whole different animal. Let's put that aside. I think SpaceX is doing really good things. for space because we do need to be exploring out there in the universe.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the Brianna to my Zach. Kristen Joy Oatley. Best to you, Kristen.

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I don't want to be the one exploring. No, you do not. Yes, but let other people do that for me, and I'm okay with it. Bring back the results, and I want to see the pictures, right?

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AI Dumpster Fire

519.36

Okay. No, this is the largest rocket ever built, and they are testing it to go to space, and then there will be a manned capsule on top of it. So they were testing the rocket, and then they were testing the capsules to see if it could decouple from the rocket. Mm-hmm. before they put people in it. It's the largest rocket that's ever been built.

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AI Dumpster Fire

539.469

And then it's supposed to come down and those fucking chopsticks are supposed to grab it. You know, have you seen this? Oh, right.

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AI Dumpster Fire

544.913

Chopsticks are supposed to grab it, which is amazing technology, quite frankly. But let's remember, Elon Musk wasn't the one who came up with any, you know what I'm saying? Like he may be the CEO of the company, but he literally bought another rocket company with a bunch of really smart people and they continued to do their work because Elon is really good at raising money.

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AI Dumpster Fire

562.025

That's what he's really good at. conning people into giving him money for for his crazy ideas half of which don't work but i guess that's the life of a ceo i'm not you know i i know because all my ideas haven't worked like i know because i've bankrupted every one of my companies there you go So anyway, but that's not the point.

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AI Dumpster Fire

58.068

And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Drama drop.

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AI Dumpster Fire

581.184

The point is that Trump shows up in a Tesla truck or whatever with his son and Don Jr.

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AI Dumpster Fire

589.367

They are so ugly. I almost got into an accident with one the other day. Yeah, this guy came speeding out of his driveway here in one of these local side streets here, came speeding out of his driveway, and I was coming up the street at about 40 miles per hour, and he did not blink. He just shot out of his driveway.

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AI Dumpster Fire

608.854

It is. And I just don't like them. I think they are very ugly. I think some of the other Tesla cars are pretty. Don't know if I'd ever buy one, but I think they're pretty. But I just don't care for that Tesla truck. I think it's really an awful car. Like, it just looks awful. When you watch videos, it's, like, not put together all that well. And they're so...

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AI Dumpster Fire

62.709

This is going to be like a week old at this point. But this is insane. There's like this one woman on Instagram. I don't know how she fell on my feed. Because my feed, because my algorithm is a national treasure, quite frankly, on Instagram.

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AI Dumpster Fire

630.552

They look like a toaster oven that's driving down the street. That's what it looks like. And it seems like it has zero utility whatsoever. Like, I've never seen a Tesla truck driving down the street with something in the back of it. You know what I'm saying? And I know that there's a lid on it. Can it tow?

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AI Dumpster Fire

647.327

supposedly it can but there's lots of videos out there of people getting stuck in multiple different places because they're trying to tow or get in or out of some four-wheel situation that it just can't handle um so okay all right whatever you think he shows up in a tesla truck they go to the space launch you know they all jack each other off you know how wonderful this is look directly at the sun yes that's right look directly at the sun drink some bleach you know

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AI Dumpster Fire

673.899

And I do have to say... I actually like Donald better than much better than I like Donald Jr. Because Donald Jr. is just he is so incredibly unintelligent. And he speaks in this voice that just got to drive everybody crazy. You know that he was the shitty child that no one in the family really liked. But dad, it's he's dad's son. You know what I'm saying? Like he has the first one.

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AI Dumpster Fire

715.056

Yeah, he's the first one. And he's got a dad loves him and all that other stuff. So it's obvious this is like he is the definition of white rich privilege. There is no doubt about it in my mind. But but let's put all of that aside for a second. And this is a very serious topic, but it's going to be funny because it's just as funny to me. I.

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AI Dumpster Fire

734.764

It is no secret if you have listened to any, if you listen to three episodes of the commercial break in a row, then you know that Brian is no stranger to narcotics, all different forms and fashions. And I don't make, I don't shy away from talking about it because it's an important part of my life story. It's an important part of who I am and I'm over it. I got over it. I went through it.

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AI Dumpster Fire

74.613

It is incredible. And I do love it. And it's a work of art. It really is. Who knew so long ago when Alfie created my Instagram that it would be a national treasure of girls in bikinis, nipples, and drama drops everywhere. So the new drama drop is this. Brianna Chicken Fry goes to the UFC event this past weekend, which will be two weekends ago, the same weekend as the Tyson fight.

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AI Dumpster Fire

753.21

I didn't have to go to rehab. I didn't go to thousands of meetings. Some people have to, and that's okay. I just happened to get knocked over the head one morning and decided that's it. I'm done. I don't need this anymore.

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AI Dumpster Fire

765.641

Yeah, I had a few too many panic attacks. Well, even long before the kids, actually. The drugs went, but the alcohol went. When the kids came, then it was like, okay, no more alcohol either. Yeah. So I don't want to make light of drug addiction, but I think that drugs in moderation, you can get through it. You don't have to go crazy. You can do some drugs here and there and have a good time.

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AI Dumpster Fire

785.575

Experiment. Not me. I take it to the nth degree, but other people can't. I will tell you that it takes a cokehead to know a cokehead. And I have never in my life been more sure about someone doing cocaine on a consistent basis than I have been about Donald Trump Jr. And I've known some straight up dope fucking fiends. You know what I'm saying? Some crack heads. And this guy is, in my opinion...

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AI Dumpster Fire

813.96

is using cocaine on a very frequent basis. He's constantly being caught with rocks in his nose. He's always licking his lips and doing his gum thing. His jaw is moving a million miles per hour. He's snorting. He's sniffing. He is so apparently doing cocaine and not like most of us would do cocaine. Wait until the

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AI Dumpster Fire

839.002

fucking facetime camera is off and then go into your bedroom or your bathroom do a couple bumps listen to some music drink a beer and go to sleep this guy is doing it all the time and it is now there is a video going around widely distributed being reported on by you know usually these kind of things are reported by like not mainstream media right it's like some dude on twitter or

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AI Dumpster Fire

863.556

watched donald jr's live and saw a rock fall out of his nose and they catch it right and they do it in slow motion this one is being distributed far and wide on more mainstream i'm not saying like msnbc is reporting on this but more mainstream media outlets and you can go figure out who i'm not going to name them here but There is a video going around of Don Jr.

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AI Dumpster Fire

883.685

watching the shuttle take off with a big boner in his pants. And he sticks his hand into his suit pocket and he pulls it out and he starts rubbing his teeth like this with it and then doing this whole number. And then it's clear that he's like moving his jaw back and forth. I think he stuck his finger in a bag of cocaine and he put it on his mouth to give him that high that he needs.

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AI Dumpster Fire

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Because obviously, when you're standing out with 50,000 other people watching a space launch, you can't exactly be doing key bumps. You know what I'm saying? Especially not when your dad is the president-elect. This is a... For those of you that don't know, never used cocaine, you can ingest it many different ways. As long as it gets into an orifice... It's going to make you high.

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AI Dumpster Fire

931.31

You can put it in your eyeballs. You certainly shouldn't, but you could put it into your eyeballs and it'd likely get into your bloodstream. People have put it up their ass, in their mouth, in their nose. There's lots of different ways. In their veins, lots of different ways to do cocaine. And one way is to ingest it through your mouth.

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AI Dumpster Fire

947.188

As a matter of fact, Stevie Ray Vaughan used to wake up in the morning with a gram of cocaine and a shot of Jack Daniels. That's how he would ingest his cocaine, because his nose was perforated. He had made a hole in his nose from all the cocaine use. So this is not an unusual way to ingest cocaine.

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AI Dumpster Fire

967.755

And I think he just thought he was being sly, and there happened to be a camera on him at the moment. Because of course there is. You're the son of the president-elect of the United States of America.

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AI Dumpster Fire

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Oh, my God. Chrissy, it's so apparent.

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AI Dumpster Fire

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Okay, hold on one second. Don Jr. at Space Launch does cocaine.

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AI Dumpster Fire

993.734

Oh, here. Okay. Ready? And Christina, you want to put this video, if we can, you want to put a link to this video. I'll send it to you here in a second. Let me show you the actual video. No, that's coupons. God, I hate these websites that are just endless banner ads. Yeah. Who clicks on these? Somebody must. Do, do, do, do, do. Oh. Oh, okay. Yeah, but there's actually like an actual video of it.

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And that's the manager's job of the band is to make sure that they run around cracking heads if people aren't getting paid. And bands have, and they probably will in the future. I would imagine, and this is just from stories that I've heard with much smaller festivals, there have been occurrences where a band is late to go on stage because the money hasn't hit their account yet.

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Because that's the only thing they got. The only thing they got is to withhold the presentation. And if someone wants them to play, I remember when we put on Jam Land Productions. Yeah. It all goes back to Jam Land. The Jam Land Mountain Blues Fest. Oh, the Mountain Blues. The Mountain Blues Fest. Jam Land Productions presents the North Georgia Mountain Blues Fest.

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You would have been like assistant associate producer running around, bringing me beer. Yeah.

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helping everybody get high or something i don't know uh but we showed up to this land up in the mountains this beautiful cleared pasture the this guy owned a bunch of land he had multiple like cleared pastures up in the mountains and we said okay this is going to be the camping this is where we're going to put the food and the food by the way was one papa john's Who was taking a golf cart.

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Now I'm a Belieber! (The Return Of Carl Lentz)

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You had to take a golf cart up the mountain because it was hard to get cars up there. So they were taking golf carts up and down the mountain, bringing pizzas and selling them by the slice.

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It was. You're right. Fair enough. Um, people got fed and there was, we had kegs of beer up there and all the other stuff, but we like went and bought them at the liquor store. It wasn't like we had a liquor purveyor sponsoring us. We had zero sponsors, but we had little vendors and stuff, you know, selling trinkets and shit like that. They sold zero trinkets, but okay, whatever.

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We had like a thousand people that showed up to this festival.

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Yeah, plus we just have some friends where you say party and they all show up, right? And I'm sure we were charging like $15 to some people, right? It's most... We had like undercover cops show up. Oh, really? Yes, we did from the county that we were in. I'm not going to get into it, all the details.

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But we had security down at the bottom of the hill looking for, you know, for tickets and making sure that people didn't bring glass up there and stuff like that. You know, they were like loosely checking for shit. And we had hired them. They were like our friends. You know, hey, you look mean. Go down there and, you know. And so anyway.

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The muscle knew some of the sheriff's officers from town. And a couple of them tried to get in the festival plain clothes. And the guys were like radioing up to us. Like, I got a couple of cops here trying to get in. What do you want me to do? And I was like, don't let him in. And they didn't let him in. And the cops had to get turned away because he just refused to let him in.

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And it was like private land. What are you going to do? Anyway, the point is, is that we. had secured like some okay i think um i think tinsley ellis if i'm not sure was there donna hopkins band like there was some locally regional acts that you would if you were familiar with me yeah john skinny uh fat john popper um you know some local acts that uh oh we had um Moonshine. Moonshine stills.

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No moon taxi. No moon taxi here. Moonshine. Moonshine taxi. That's right. Moonshine taxi. But so, like, we're up there two days ahead of time because the stage, we literally had to, like, take spiders off the stage. Like, it was just this old stage.

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It was already there. It had been set up by the guy for whatever reason. I'm not sure. But it had been there for years and years and years. And then we rented this equipment and they put it. Anyway, the guy, my partner, Pete, in the whole thing, he calls me and I'm up there. And he says, listen, I have an opportunity to get perpetual groove up there.

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P-groove. And for a late night set closing out Saturday night, midnight to like 3 a.m.

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Everybody eat your drugs, including P. Groove. We're all going to eat our drugs and do this together. Right. And they were just like they were well known, but like a regional act at the time. And so I was a little unconvinced because Pete says we got to get together five thousand dollars. Because I have $5,000. They want $10,000. I have $5,000. They have $5,000.

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And I don't know the exact numbers, but basically we had half, and then we had to put in the other half. He said, so are you willing to forego $5,000 in profit on the festival, which we were going to make anyway. I know. But are you willing to forego in order to make it? And I said, yes. And he ran around like a chicken with his head cut off trying to get formed.

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Because back then, it wasn't like you could get on your phone and just like sell somebody $5,000. It was this whole ordeal. And I remember that P Groove got there. They had played an early set somewhere else at like 7 o'clock. And they got there right at midnight. And we were all trying to set them up. And they still hadn't been paid.

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Now I'm a Belieber! (The Return Of Carl Lentz)

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And the guy from P-Groove looked at me and he said, we're going to go because we're late. We're going to get on stage. But by the end of this, our manager's got to have that check. Like, got to have that check in hand or there's going to be problems. And luckily, we managed to pull it off. I don't know if the check cleared, but we managed to give him a check.

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Now I'm a Belieber! (The Return Of Carl Lentz)

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Yeah, we bounced a check to P-Groove. But man, they played a set. They played a set. It was incredible. And then we all got on a golf cart after, like me and the singer and we got on a golf cart. We put the keg, like a pony keg on the back and we rode around and we gave people beers and other stuff. Yeah.

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Now I'm a Belieber! (The Return Of Carl Lentz)

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That was the same festival where the guy cut his foot because somebody brought glass, cut his foot. He's like profusely bleeding, but he had a pocket full of Percocets. So he was just like, kept chewing them. And I was like, dude, you're going to die. Don't stop that. Yeah, you're like on number five. I think it's good. Let's take you to the hospital.

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Now I'm a Belieber! (The Return Of Carl Lentz)

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Eventually we got an ambulance up there and took him to the hospital. He was badly bleeding.

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Now I'm a Belieber! (The Return Of Carl Lentz)

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Ah, Jam Land Productions. Really the golden age for, peak Brian is Jam Land Productions, if I'm being honest. If I'm being self-aware, Peak Brian is Jam Land Productions. Probably that night is Peak Brian. Me pulling off, bouncing a check to P-Groove. Hoodwinking P-Groove into playing my 3 a.m. set at the North Georgia Mountain Blues Fest that went on to do no follow-up concerts.

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Now I'm a Belieber! (The Return Of Carl Lentz)

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Well, we did Mountain Jam. Then we did Aqua Blues Fest. And then we did some other stuff. But, you know, it was hard. You can't make a living doing that.

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Yeah, I know. Even Jeff knows that. Even if you're well-resourced and all the best intentions. It's a lot of work. It's a lot of work.

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Now I'm a Belieber! (The Return Of Carl Lentz)

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Yeah, to get you to year number two takes a lot. What's Memphis on year number six?

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Now I'm a Belieber! (The Return Of Carl Lentz)

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Oh, this is eight?

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Now I'm a Belieber! (The Return Of Carl Lentz)

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We've been doing this for eight years?

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Okay. All right. I remember Jeff talking about that when we went out to dinner, and he was just excited because he had gotten the green light to go spend some money to do this.

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He was all excited. I was like, well, whatever you need, bro. I had Jam Land Productions. So if you need me to be there, let me know. I, however, was waiting patiently by the phone and I still am. So tells you everything you need to know about Jeff's faith and Jam Land Productions. I remember he's outside and we were like smoking a cigarette or something. And he's like, yeah, bro. Yeah. Yeah.

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Now I'm a Belieber! (The Return Of Carl Lentz)

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I got you. Yeah. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Yep. Yeah. No. Well, it was worth a shot.

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Now I'm a Belieber! (The Return Of Carl Lentz)

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Well, thank you. But will I get paid? That's the question.

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Now I'm a Belieber! (The Return Of Carl Lentz)

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I got kids. Yeah, okay. Tickets, I know that I got. But even that's hard. I mean, even that's hard. You know, it's so hard to get away an entire weekend. Of course. Maybe this year I'll ask Astrid, like, Can I please go? Please? Yeah. She might love me. You never know. She's a sweet lady.

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Now I'm a Belieber! (The Return Of Carl Lentz)

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If I really said, hey, babe, I really want to go to this, we would figure out a way to make it happen. But there's so much Catholic guilt in me. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. I'd be like, ah, the fucking kids and the fucking dog and the fucking bills I got to pay, blah, blah, blah. All right, let's take a break. When we get back, I have a Carl Lentz update.

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Now I'm a Belieber! (The Return Of Carl Lentz)

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Carl has posted an apology video online. It's about an hour long. We probably won't get to all of it, but I thought, let's get it started. Let's see what it's all about and see what Carl's up to. You remember Carl? Of course. Hey, girl.

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Yeah, Justin Bieber's preacher for a while. Hillsong dude of the year. With the victory V. A victory V. Hard to preach on a full dick. All right. Got to go, girl. All right. We'll get into Carl when we get back.

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Now I'm a Belieber! (The Return Of Carl Lentz)

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Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large.

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And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules.

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They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything. You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Serea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. All right. All right. I got my Biebs hat on. Yeah, that's right, girl. That's right, girl. Hey, girl. All right.

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Now I'm a Belieber! (The Return Of Carl Lentz)

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I got to get my phone here just in case I got to call somebody. I got to pick up the phone. I got to see her. Hey, girl. All right. That's a little low. Hey, girl. All right. That's better. I'm here to make an apology, girl. I'm sorry I jizzed all over your mom's front door. But I did leave her a couple dollars just in case. Christian, what you up to over there?

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Now I'm a Belieber! (The Return Of Carl Lentz)

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I missed you. Listen, I've been talking to the Lord. I've been walking with the Lord this morning, and he said, you know what you need? A new picture of tits. And I got a call from the Lord, and I answered it, and he said... And I said, all right, I'll give her a call. But this isn't me. You know, you understand I'm just a vessel for the Lord. And I have a vessel.

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But just like a plane can't land with a full tank of gas, I can't preach with a full vessel. So I got to release that vessel. But I don't want to make things messy for you and your husband. So just send that picture over. I'll release my vessel. And then we'll get on to preaching. All right, well, I got a new haircut, and I'm going to say I'm sorry here. I got to let you go.

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I got to do this video. I got to talk to you. Yeah, my wife wants me to make a video and tell the people I'm really sorry about all that stuff I did. And, you know, we got kids. So she said, you better get on it, Carl. It only took me three years, but here I am. Better late than never, said God or Jesus or one of them in that Bible. Okay, all right, I got to go. I got to call Biebs.

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We're still in touch, me and Biebs. I say, hey, Biebs, come on over. We'll smoke a blunt. We'll get on Pornhub.

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Here's Carl in his basement, seems like. Very, very nice house. I like Carl. Got a beautiful house. And he's got a single microphone. He's staring into the camera. And this is the beginning. We'll do some of his apology video. I don't know how much of this dribble I can get through.

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About three months ago.

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Yeah, but you heard it over here last. But I noticed that Carl has been on a lot of podcasts lately.

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Yeah, he's been doing the tour. And a lot of them are religion-related, and he's kind of doing the apology thing, and here's the things I did wrong, and here's the things I learned. But one of the things I did know about Carl is that back then, when he was hanging out with Biebs and all those people, he did Impulsive, the Logan Paul podcast.

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You know, and that's one of the bigger YouTube channels in the world. And he was on that. It's like seven years ago, but he was on it. He was kind of a force to be reckoned with.

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And he had a force to be reckoned with. Oh, yeah. High up. He was high. All right.

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Let's hear what Carl has. Let's give him a shot, Chrissy. Okay. Maybe he's a changed man.

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We'll play a little basketball, a little b-ball. I'm in my time out period, but trust me, when I come back, you're going to love it. We'll be back together before too long. Paparazzi just waiting outside for us. All right, I got to go.

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And multiple camera angles? Yeah. Really?

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Third woman in my thruple.

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It's been four years since you've seen me. And now it's time for me to reclaim my throne. That's right. As a family that some people know about, other people. Trump's in office. And I figure now's a better time to scam people than ever. So here I am.

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So good gravy. Get on with it. Let's talk about the sucking in the fucking, Carl.

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I guess he's doing a series of these, like a podcast, vodcast kind of thing. You know, Astrid says I sound like an old man when I say vodcast. A video, a podcast that's on video on YouTube. Yeah, you know.

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Yeah, still seems full of shit. And, you know, I think this was always the plan. Get out of the public eye for a while and then use the redemption story to make more fucking money.

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I had a couple of them. And I think it would be irresponsible of me to let all those women go without without making this video first. Listen, I'm not saying I'm a change. What you're seeing here is a man who's healed and a man who's healing from his deep penile wounds. And I don't take pictures of me. I'm out of the public life.

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All right. All right. One picture. One picture. I'll sign it.

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Yeah. All the girls, you're going to take a picture of me. I'll stand in the back. I'll autograph it with my hard sword of the Lord. I'm back, baby. I'm back. I love it. I love the good gravy that comes from fame and fortune and money. And he's from heaven, baby. And he's from heaven. I still got a beautiful house. I've been laughing all the way to the bank. All right.

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And I got a new pair of glasses from Warby Parker. This video is sponsored by Warby Parker.

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Oh, yeah. Yeah. I got hooked up with Frank Bonato. Yeah. I got Frankie's follicles. He had a hair transplant, his head to my head. I said, listen, you're too old, but let me carry the cross. No pun intended. I got you. Give me your follicles. All right. And look at my beard. Salt and pepper. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm a change man. And I still go to the tanning bed. I got a nice tan.

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I'll tell you what. Four years in the sun. This has been a lot of fun. We had a good time here at the left household. Good time. Kids are healthy and in therapy. Homeschooled. They can't go out in public. But it's okay. I'm back, baby.

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I got a nice microphone. You see that?

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Yeah, probably, because he's that kind of guy.

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We're still in touch, me and Biebs. I say, hey, Biebs, come on over. We'll smoke a blunt. We'll get on Pornhub.

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We'll play a little basketball, a little b-ball. I'm in my timeout period, but trust me, when I come back, you're going to love it, Biebs. We'll be back together before too long. Paparazzi just waiting outside for us. All right, I got to go.

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Fair Abraham. Fair Abraham is my first guest. We both had a time out, but now we're back preaching to the Lord. Preaching the good word, Chrissy. The good word of sucking and fucking. I love it. It's a time out of tradition, us preachers.

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Not everything. When I got caught, I gave my wife an ultimatum. I said, open marriage or I'm leaving. And all that money is in my chest hair. That's what they want. That's what the ladies want.

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So I want to thank you all very much. Good years were good. And I'm a good saver.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us. Were you a Girl Scout? I was.

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Thank you. Thank you.

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Did the brownies sell the cookies?

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Man, I'll tell you what, it's Girl Scout cookie time, and that is a dangerous time for all of our waistlines around here because they are so good. The tagalongs or whatever you call them, now they have the toffee something or other.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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Oh, my God. Absolutely addictive. A regular old shortbread cookie with toffee pieces in it. It is crack. That's what it is. It's crack. Now that I don't smoke crack anymore, that's my crack. It's crack. There's no doubt. And my kids love them, and everybody loves them. We spend about $110 on cookies every year, and they're gone within the week.

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Yeah, I have questions. I got lots of questions. Like how much does that Rolex cost on your wrist?

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And they're getting more expensive and you're getting less of them. Shrinkflation. Shrinkflation is happening with the Girl Scout cookies. And I want to know something. So one of the people in our family, loosely related to our family, sells them to us each year. We go to her to make sure we help her. Yeah, she's our dealer. Yes, exactly. She's our dealer charging $7 a box.

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I hear you, girl. Excuse me for a second. I'm going to rub myself if you don't mind. You're looking sexy today, girl.

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Yeah, a neon cross. The Motley Crue neon cross. Yeah, the cross you don't find often at churches.

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Oh, it can be worse. It can be worse than cheating in a marriage that happens to 50 percent of marriages. This is just you guys are pretending like you're the.

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Ground zero for all things terrible that happened. You brought this on yourself, Carl.

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absolute evidence that you can you know and that there's there's hope after a lot of time actually for it to fall apart yeah don't worry carl you'll fuck it up sooner or later i'm sure of it first of all second of all i mean he's falling short of saying call me if you have a problem i can only imagine i can only imagine what it must be like

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To have a family, to like cheat on your spouse and then so publicly have a blow up and then have to show up at Thanksgiving dinner with your spouse's family. It's got to be the most uncomfortable thing in the world. But you got to do it. You know you got to do it if you want to stay with your loved one. You got to do that.

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I don't know that I'll ever let you forget it. But yeah, he wants to move on.

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Yeah, he did. Yeah, it was like an Instagram post. Like, hey, yeah, I've been fucking the hot maid. Yeah. Hey, listen. Yeah, I've been fucking the hot maid, but all things considered, I have been doing a lot of preaching too. So I figured, what? It's like a scale. It's bad and it's good. I show up to church every Sunday. I wipe my sins clean and then I wipe my dick on somebody's curtains. Okay.

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All right. What's worse? Honestly, let's be real. Who's not jizzing on the curtains?

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But then somebody else on Facebook was selling them for $6 a box. And then I go to the store the other day and there's a lady like there is often in suburbia selling the cookies outside for $15 a box. Wow. Why the price discrepancy?

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I've been in a constant state of depressive solitude since Carl's Instagram post waiting for Carl to answer my questions about what happened, though it seems pretty clear what happened. There was a hot chick at the park and you fucked her and you got caught. Yes.

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Perfect. Yeah. Perfect.

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I'm embarrassed, but go ahead. Yeah. Because I want to crawl inside a hole and die, but sure. No problem. I'm here. That could be fun. Yeah. Perfect. It could be fun. It could be fun for her because she's like, I just want to throw you against a wall.

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We waited. That's not a great question. No. What happened? Right. How did you meet her? What did she look like? Right. What birthmarks did she have? Why did you continue? Was she better in bed?

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He did. He was, like, dropping stacks of money off at her mom's house or something.

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That's right. And he was sending, like, weird photographs from the car, and I'm on my way to meet the Lord, and here's my dick, and...

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First and foremost, finish myself off so I didn't get blue balls. Second of all, take lots of pictures so I had material to not have blue balls in the future. Third, take all the money I could from the church. Fourth, call you and tell you there may or may not be a TMZ article coming out. And could I pay you to stay around? And then number three, the kids are somewhere in there.

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I don't know, they're 12 or something, 13. But click and subscribe, like and comment on your favorite videos. Go to our Patreon.

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Because there's a Patreon. He's selling a book or some shit. Who knows? Get ad-free episodes here. So he has a Patreon.

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Well, no, we aren't, but the people who watch this regularly will.

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Shouldn't it just be one flat rate? Like across the country, one flat rate for the cookies? $15 a box. $15 a box.

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I want to salvage my reputation. You just hurt the woman. The thing about being famous is, I imagine, I don't know, but I imagine that is that everything is amplified. And the people in your life sometimes didn't choose that amplification. They didn't choose to make the speaker so loud.

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And so when you do something like this, when you fail the church, when you fail your marriage, when you're cheating on your spouse and your kids know about it, is that it's everywhere all the time. And all you care about is your reputation.

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How about caring about the feelings and protecting the people that you love or trying to, you know, they may not necessarily want your protection in that moment, but trying to shield them from some of this by coming out and immediately saying, this is what I did. I'm sorry. I did jizz on the curtains.

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It's hard to preach on a full dick. It's hard to preach with a Bieber hat on.

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Yeah, okay, I get the six and seven, you know, one person wants to make. I guess it's about how much money you raise and maybe not how many boxes you sell. But I think it should be converse. The situation should be inverse. Like, I think that we should have... how many boxes you sell, not how much money you make. And I guess that doesn't make any sense either. But listen, I don't care what it is.

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Yeah, I think he's a narcissist. But I think you have to be a narcissist to believe that you're the one that's talking to God and everybody else needs to talk through you. And I think that's a certain kind of sickness, if I'm being honest.

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And listen, can I just be clear about this? You cheated on your wife. You didn't murder anybody. This happens all the time. all the time. I'm not saying, I'm not trying to wash away the pain that it caused everybody else in your life. But I'm saying this isn't like the world's most surprising sin.

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You are in good company when it comes to preachers who have cheated on their wives or had sex affairs or whatever. You're in good company. It's kind of like part and parcel, you know, milk and cookies, coffee and cream, preachers and extramarital affairs. It happens.

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What? We were shell-shocked. Shell-shocked. You knew the whole time. You were a part of it. Your dick was there. Right.

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They were staying at a friend's house.

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Staying at a friend's house. That had to have been a really weird dinner conversation. So, Carl, I don't know if you've read any newspaper ever today, but it says here you were dicking down some girl you met at the doggy park. Yeah.

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Yeah, it was probably a church-related property is my guess.

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Yeah, it was probably Biebs. Yes, you might be right. Yeah, you might be right about that. Yeah.

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So some kind of celebrity, somebody associated with the church, somebody, you know, high up, a politician, whatever.

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Just make it one price. $6 a box and you get as many as you did last year because this year- $15 is crazy.

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Oh, that's Auntie Stardust. Daddy met her at a special club for heavenly adults.

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I would not have been want to be in 50 yards of that woman that night for sure. And I do. I can kind of understand. We all understand the stress of being homeless.

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caught in the corner and like don't know what to do don't know where to go we've all been in if you've lived enough life you've been in some situation that you've probably gotten yourself into that you don't know how you get yourself out of that's very stressful and that feeling of just like what do i do now what do i do now

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It was $15. And these people look like they were scamming people. I didn't like it. And they were a little pushy about it too. They're like, guys, help your local Girl Scout troop. And I was like, oh, I'm sorry. I already bought at the office or whatever. And she was like, you can buy more. Yeah. Support local. And I'm like, how do you know I didn't buy them local? I didn't.

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So I called Stardust, and we stayed at her house for the next couple of weeks.

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Yeah, that's where you go. That's where people go when they need a place to stay is a hotel, an Airbnb, something. Rent a home real quick.

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Yeah, I bet that was one of the most intense feelings ever. I do have empathy for, even if you got yourself into this situation, it never feels good. That kind of stress never feels good. And with children, every move that you make is also amplified. And so I can't imagine being in a similar situation, in a U-Haul van, driving around, nowhere to go. What do we do?

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Kids are too young to understand what's going on. But hey, at least you don't have blue balls.

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I was letting it go all over the place. I'll tell you what. I let it go on Tuesday, then on Thursday morning, then by myself on Friday, and then in the church parking lot. I was just letting it go for a control guy. That was kind of hard. I'll tell you that one. All right. Well, listen. We can't do Carl forever. I wish we could.

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We can get back to it, though, if we want to go more into it. Because now I'm kind of interested.

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Now I'm like, okay, what did happen? Like, what is the minutiae of how this all went down? See, he's getting me. Now he's roping me into his silly story. God damn it.

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Yes, it is the good lighting and microphone. You know, there's a reason why people liked him. It's because he's an engaging character, right? But most narcissists are engaging characters. And I do feel for her. This is not her fault. And so I have a lot of empathy for where she's at. And I can only imagine what she was feeling at this time.

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He's talking about how he's feeling.

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It is all about him. But let's be honest. It was always all about him. And she knows that. She married him. She knows what's going on. Well, and then Hillsong Church is no more either. The church that he...

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But how do you know I didn't buy them local? I got mine shipped in from North Carolina. You got a problem with that? Is that okay? I don't know. Anyway, anybody who's got Girl Scouts in their life knows that this time of year is dangerous. And then we all got to wait another year to get them. Though I do see that they are selling some of these at the grocery stores now.

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Yeah. And they paid high-priced attorneys. It's just all shenanigans.

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It's like, you know, I'm not against religion.

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It's the ones that become all-powerful that just really start to destroy lives in so many different ways. And Carl is a testament to that. When you're a rock star preacher, you know, and you're playing fast and loose, you got a bunch of... Got a full dick. Yeah, got a full dick. You gotta empty it. All right. Well, listen, maybe we'll get back to Carl next week. Maybe we won't.

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Hope you have a good weekend and all that jazz. TCBpodcast.com. That's where you go to find out more information about Chrissy and I. All the audio, all the video right there from one location. No muss, no fuss. You can just go there and, you know, do the URL thing if that's what you're into. Also, you can get your free TCB sticker by hitting the Contact Us button.

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Drop down menu says I want my free sticker. Give us your physical address. Astrid will send you one. You want us to sign it or something like that, just let us know in the email and we'll do our best to get that out to you. At The Commercial Break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break.

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For all the episodes on video the same day they air here on the audio, 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, or leave us a voicemail if you want to be on the next episode. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

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But I'll tell you that I love you.

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I'll say best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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Girl Scout cookies at the grocery stores. Yes. I don't know what's going on, but I think I saw them at Whole Foods or Walmart or one of those things or something.

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Yeah. Like, I mean, if they're cutting out the middleman, then how are those girls going to make money?

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They are exclusive to the Girl Scouts, but I think the Girl Scouts have decided they can make money year-round on this. Why wait?

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Yeah, and I don't know if the Girl Scouts are like the Boy Scouts, but the Boy Scouts aren't exactly on a hot run right now. I don't know if you know this or not, but it's a tough time for the Boy Scouts in general. And the Boy Scouts, I believe, now have to allow girls in the Boy Scout troops if they ask.

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So there you go. Do the boys get to go to the Girl Scouts? Probably, I guess. I don't know. I don't know. I went to two Boy Scout meetings. And I got to be honest, the guys who were leading the meetings were giving off vibes, if you know what I mean. And I was only there for two things, whatever you call them, meetings, Boy Scout troop, whatever, conferences.

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I don't even know what the fuck you call them. At the local Catholic church. The leaders were giving off vibes. I could feel it. And I was only 13 years old. And they wanted to do a camping trip the very next weekend. And my dad was like, y'all want to go? And I don't want to go. I don't know what's going on there, Dad. Something's going on. None of those troop leaders have kids.

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And they're all interested in having kids. You know what I'm saying? I'm not saying anything bad was happening. I'm saying I, in my little pea brain at that time, I had a spidey sense about the whole situation. I didn't like it. It was not for me. But I did know a lot of Boy Scouts and I know some guys who are Eagle Scouts. Oh, yeah. Which is not easy to do.

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It's like when you become an Eagle Scout, I think you have to like do a bunch.

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Yeah, you got to know how to tie multiple knots when you're an Eagle Scout. And like, you know, skin a bear with your bear teeth or something like that. Don't you have to catch a bald eagle and ride it around or something?

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Yeah, you have to make a fire with nothing but your fingers. I mean, it's like a complicated thing. And when I see an Eagle Scout, you know, be proud you're an Eagle Scout. That was not an easy thing to do. But at what age do you stop saying Eagle Scout? Or do you always put that on your resume?

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Yeah, no, me neither. I was never involved in any high achievement at any level. None. Zero. Not even, like, middle-level achievement. Uh... I do remember interviewing a guy at Clear Channel when I was doing interviews. I remember interviewing a guy, and he had Eagle Scout on his resume. And I asked him, I said, what is this about? Eagle Scout, what are you doing there?

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And he said, well, being an Eagle Scout is an important thing. It's recognized by the United States government. He went on this whole diatribe. And I found myself really impressed. I didn't hire him because he's going to make me look bad. He's going to make me look bad. I didn't need any more competition there. I looked pretty bad as it was. I didn't need yet another guy.

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I felt like he was the guy who could take my job. Never had hired the guy who's going to replace you. You know what I'm saying?

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Hire people who aren't going to replace you. And I had plenty of those.

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Yeah. They didn't let me hire anybody. I mean, I only had one direct hire and she never came to work. So I don't know. She had a period for like three months one time. She really did. I was like, oh, okay. I mean, and I wasn't arguing. No siree, Bob, was I arguing. I knew better. My mom raised me right. I was like, okay, you take the 56 day off in a row, I guess. Okay. All right.

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Update on Fyre Fest as it stands right now. Though when this episode comes out, there will probably be more information about this. But I just noticed something. that is very interesting about this. There's been an update as we record this.

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Now there's been an update to the, uh, fire fest two or two, Billy McFarland's, uh, Instagram page where he's telling people, this is the only official communication is going to come from me and my Instagram page. So with a rousing 620 likes the, he has announced that fire fest two has changed venues, uh, I just noticed this. It's now at Playa del Carmen in the heart of the Mexican Riviera. Mayan.

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Mayan Riviera. Well, yeah, they call it the Mexican Riviera or the Mayan Riviera. It's Quintana Roo. And that is, you know.

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I do remember when Raphael visited Tulum a couple of times, I do remember like pictures he tagged himself in had the Quintana Roo or whatever it was.

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Well, so he's naming. So here's the thing. And this is what this is. I think that I understood this is probably what was going to happen. There is no stage. It's not a festival in the traditional sense. This is more like South by Southwest. where there are multiple places you're going to go to see different things. Because now he's naming clubs at Playa del Carmen where things are going to happen.

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So it says, happening at Playa del Carmen in the heart of the Mayan Riviera, the venues are the Martina Beach Club, the Coralina Beach Club, the Mayan Water Complex, and other private villas and beach locations. I mean, if this doesn't sound like the most work you've ever done.

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Everything's happening. Don't worry.

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Just pay. Yes. We have got some people booked that you're not going to believe, including bench-warming college athletes from volleyball teams. You're going to love it. It's going to be awesome. That's so cool. It's so crazy. No one's playing. No one's been announced. Still two months out. Not even less than two months out. Still no one on the agenda. Not one person has been officially announced.

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Not one band. Not even one sports star. He keeps putting pictures of sports stars on his Instagram. But I don't know that they're going and they haven't made an official announcement. And now he's basically telling you he switched locations. He was doing it here. Now he's doing it like... 100 miles down the beach.

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So now, if you've bought tickets and you've got your hotel accommodations, you've got to switch them to the new location. This is the disaster waiting to happen, and I'm here for it. I hope that Netflix is on top of this.

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I don't care if you're paying Billy. Let Billy make a little money to pay those people back. Give him $100,000 and say, I want all access, and you have absolutely no control over the editor's cut. None. Zero. We're going to show everything.

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Not be 100% cocksure and fire ready, no pun intended, for this, for everything. And if I was going to do it, I told you this, I would...

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go to a bunch of millionaire investors, and there are plenty of dum-dums out there with zeros in their bank account, and I would say, guys, in an escrow account, controlled by lawyers and actual festival managers who are not related to me in any way, shape, or form, never worked with them before you choose them, I need money in a bank account because I have the PR ability to make this happen.

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He did. He did. He did. But he still does. That's the thing is that he's so well known now because of all the drama around Fire 1. He could have pulled this off had he done it the right way. Could have. But he's not going to. It's not going to happen. And this also, this change of venue last minute tells me that there's not many tickets that have been bought. Because you couldn't do this.

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If everyone was planning on going one place, you couldn't then just move it to another venue. I mean, I guess you could, but that'd be a really shitty thing to do. So he's already leaving people stranded, essentially, is what's happening. Here's some of the comments. Came for the comments. Can't wait to see the Netflix series. Please, Netflix. Does Playa del Carmen know about this?

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Some other person says, I'm calling them later on to let them know. Nice. A venue change two months before the event. Sounds very fire-ific. I heard Michael Jackson is going to play. Nope. Breaking news. Fire 2 headliners include Snoop Cat, One Pock, Kanye East, Big Wayne, and 25 Cent.

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For each thing. Yes. So someone said Blink-82 is taking the deposit money again. Because you don't know, but that's actually how it all transpires. And Jeff would be able to elucidate on this a little bit.

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You have to deposit. So let's say that you're hiring Blink-182, Pearl Jam, whoever. Name some big band. Green Day. Some big legacy act. Let's say you're hiring them. And their fee is $2 million for an hour and a half. Festival appearance.

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They're probably going to say to you, depending on the negotiations, they're probably going to say to you, we need 50% at least 30 days before the event. And then we need 50% when we walk on stage. And by the time we get off stage, that better be in our account or there's going to be problems. Yeah.

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The media does their job of slanting the conversation one way or the other to suit whatever agenda they happen to have personally, organizationally. But this one gives me a little bit of pause because for weeks, even Neil deGrasse Tyson was addressing this. He said, Listen, and he's the one who said there is a zero or 100 percent chance. We just don't know what that is yet. Right.

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He's like, so don't everyone freak out because eventually we'll know. But he said by next year, we'll know if it's zero or 100 percent chance. How did they figure that out so quick? If Neil deGrasse Tyson, one of the smartest human beings that lives during my lifetime, said it's going to take a year for us to figure this out.

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When this asteroid gets on the other side of the sun, we'll figure it out. Then how did they figure it out in just a couple of days? And why are they now pushing out this particular story? Is that true? Or is there a bunker being built somewhere? I don't know. We are definitely not going to be included.

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That's the other thing.

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How do we know if no one is actually working? How do we know if no one's working at those agencies? That's why we need these people. Lifelong public servants and bureaucrats sometimes do serve a purpose. I'm all about smaller government. Trust me. I am.

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I don't need every – I don't need to fill out a form for everything that I do in my life and have someone breathing down my neck about every time I shit or send a Zelle to my cousin. I don't need that. However – Some of these people, lifelong public servants, serve a purpose.

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And there's like this reel going around about people who have been recently fired by Doji or whatever the fuck we're calling it these days.

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Well, a bunch of people quit Doge because they didn't agree with whatever Musk was telling them to do. And so there's this reel going around. It's like 20 different people. The reel's about two minutes long and they are fired and they were explaining what they do in government. One guy was like, I clean up the trash at Yosemite so that you don't have to see dirty diapers. Yeah.

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So you don't have to see dirty diapers and fast food trash bags when you're driving in Yosemite. And the next person was like, I make sure the children get, you know, lunches for da da da da and whatever it was. These people are serving small but significant purposes inside. And those all those little small things end up being big things. Can we have a review? I agree with smaller government.

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Can we have a review, a process by which we go, is this, do we need this? Do we need this? Is this effective? Is it efficient? And then make a decision, but at least give people, at least give an opportunity to these organizations and these governmental bureaucracies to justify their existence and then let us all know why we have these people around. Then we go, oh, okay, they serve a purpose.

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Let's do that. I think that... That would be a good way to go about it.

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Yeah, but Doji's just taking a chainsaw because I believe that this is part of a movement called accelerationism, where some very rich people and some other influential behind-the-scenes people believe that society is breaking down anyway, and they want to accelerate it to get over the hump and create an AI-driven one world, right? This is called accelerationism. Look it up.

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120.045

It's 30 in the morning! Oh, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

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And I think, I don't know, but I think... I don't know. No one wants to look it up. That's the thing is that no one fucking agrees with it except for a couple of Looney Tunes who happen to be billionaires and running AI companies. Like this is super dangerous. But we're all I mean, I guess we're not all rolling around because I see these town halls, one of which happened here near where I live.

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And it made national news.

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Go to Silicon Valley where the rest of the people are with your kind of skill set. Go do something good with your life. And then because Musk cannot get a security clearance because he was not born here in the United States and because, because, because, because, because, because there's even questions about whether or not he actually is a citizen.

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They can't actually appoint him to the head of Doge. So they appointed someone else the head of Doge. Did you see that?

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And it's some lady running it. Yeah. And it's some lady who her entire social media is about her kids and, you know, treating kids with certain conditions and disease as well. And she seems like a perfectly reasonable, lovely lady who's on vacation in Mexico for three weeks and no one can get a hold of her. So it's like they just like pointed the finger and were like, you do it. Yeah, you do it.

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He'll call you and tell you what – he'll tweet at you, X at you, whatever you call it, and you do it. It's unbelievable. What the fuck is going on? I don't know. I don't know either. This is one bad episode of the commercial break. There is more organization at commercial break LLC than there is in the current administration.

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130.027

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us on this episode number 703,000. Thank you very much. Chrissy, I was going to share with you this week that there is an asteroid headed to Earth that is probably going to mean certain doom for all of humanity. It's called Asteroid YR24 because it was found in the later part of November of 2024.

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1309.308

That is saying something because this is probably the worst organization in the history of LLCs. I'm telling you that right now. No doubt about it. All right, let's do this. I don't want to get on a rant because people hate when I get on. Well, some people like it, but, you know. Some people like it, but those are the only people that are still listening.

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1326.861

And since our numbers are going down and not up, let's take a break. I'll take a deep breath, and we'll get to what we really enjoy doing, making fun of pickup artists.

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We'll be back.

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1399.75

Okay, all right. Off our doji and on to our PUAs, Chrissy. I'm sure on the internet.

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As I do like to do. And you know, because of my search history on YouTube, I have an eclectic mix of things that will come up.

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1414.075

The algorithm. Yeah. I'm telling you, national treasure. My search history on that computer and my search history on YouTube and Instagram, national treasure. National treasure. Why? I don't know. But if you're into bikinis... And crazy people, you're going to love my search history. Who doesn't love those two things? Well, I mean, I am a boy. Here's the thing.

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Somebody put out a reel the other day. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. I'm justifying my bikini watching. Here's the thing. I'm flipping through Instagram the other day, and there is a gentleman. And he says, Instagram is so rigged. The algorithm is so rigged. toward racy content for any male. And I'm going to prove to you why.

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So then he explains that he's got three different Instagram accounts, his personal, his business, and then a Finsta, a fake Instagram account that he can use. I forgot why he explains he can use it. Probably to stalk his ex-girlfriend or whatever. But, you know, probably for nefarious purposes. But he explains this and he says in all three of those, it's me that owns the account.

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So they know that I'm male. They know that I am attracted to women. They must, right? He goes, anytime that I go to search on my business, on my personal or on my Finsta, all of the pictures that pull up are half naked women, women in bikinis or some other kind of racy content. He's like, on my... on my business account, I have never, not once, searched for anything like sex-related, right?

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Never, not once. And he says that I did an informal poll amongst my guy friends, and they all say the same thing, is on Instagram, when they search, all that gets shown is pictures of girls in bikinis. And so while Instagram purports... to not want this content on, you know, it's not that they don't want the content, but they don't promote that kind of content.

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And scientists were telling us that it had a not zero chance. of finding its way to Earth or our moon. So in the direct path of Earth or the moon. Now, you're wondering to yourself, if you do the math just a little bit, there should be a zero chance or a hundred percent chance that something should hit the Earth, not a one percent chance.

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I was trolling on the internet.

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1543.649

As I do. And I found a new PUA for us to talk about. He's giving a one and a half. We're not going to go through all one and a half hour. I mean, we will. I don't know. He's giving a one and a half hour course on how to pick up women as they often do. He's got kind of a new spin on it. He's got a little bit of a different spin. This is a little bit of a different spin.

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It's not far off from what we hear on other pickup artists in the community. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Sticky eyes. You're giving me the sticky eye.

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Okay, let's take a listen to this guy. Oh, Christina, you, uh, there you, I mean, Tina. Tina. Well, your name is, no, it's okay.

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Game. There you go. Just approaching women. It's about building... Old habits die hard.

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No! Old habits die hard. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to Christina and to Tina. I apologize. I mean, her name is Christina, but we call her Tina.

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A life worthy of attracting those beautiful women. And when you get so good at this game, you won't even have to approach women. You will just become the man. And women will come to you.

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1628.553

That's how we do it. You ever gotten a new magnet from the dry cleaner or something like that? And you go and you just throw it on your refrigerator and it sticks. It's a game you play. That's what happens when you become the man and you are officially a pussy magnet. That's right. Labia literally stuck on your face.

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1644.053

You flip the whole game on them. Now you're not the guy running around doing pickup lines. Now you're the guy sitting back controlling things. And women are like, who is that guy? I want to get to know him.

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1657.928

Who's that guy with the whiteboard and a overly wordy poster next to him?

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I don't know. When you're not working your game, remember, someone somewhere is working on their game. And when your dream girl shows up, he will get her, says Ryan Wamanez, master pick of our master.

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1680.004

Yeah, Tina was asking, like, what gives them the qualification of master? Well, I think it's the Spider-Man tattoo on his elbow. I think that gives you the master quality.

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1689.67

That says master all over it. And then you get the women chasing you. Let me say that again. Don't focus on the goal.

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1701.023

This is the worst PowerPoint presentation in the history of PowerPoint presentations because it's not even PowerPoint. It is literally a poster board. So let me give you a little. Here we are.

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1712.796

Ryan here is a tatted up guy. Fine. Whatever. Lots of people have tattoos. I like tattoos.

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He does have a tattoo of a kiss on the neck. That says everything you need to know. So Ryan is a tatted up white guy wearing a black T-shirt that says MG Toe. Don't even know what that means. No wife. Happy life. Uh, he's got a whiteboard to the left of him. He's got a white sheet behind him and then to the right of him, not even in the entire frame.

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1743.479

He's literally got poster boards that are saying, is that poster boards or is that a TV? I can't tell.

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1750.243

Okay. Maybe it's a screen.

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He's got a PowerPoint presentation running. There must be a thousand words on that power, but you, you can't even see it because the whole screen is not even in focus. That's really weird.

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It was like one or two percent, three percent at some point. So I was going to tell you this so that we could all freak out and hide under our beds and make good on the last six years of living here on Earth. But... I just read that it's now a 0% chance that it's going to hit Earth. So that is good news.

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1769.485

The answer is probably not. That's the second boot camp you get later. For $10,000 more, I'll give you private coaching. I guarantee he's trying to sell private coaching. But I will also say, when I started first doing public presentations as a salesperson, nothing got the crowd going more than putting every word you were going to say on a PowerPoint presentation.

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1793.354

Reading your PowerPoint presentation is the best way to give a presentation.

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It's so engaging. Focus on getting laid or getting the girl. Like, oh, I just have to get laid today. I have to get the girl. It's not about that. It's about building the skill set.

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1808.623

All I can see, all I can read is no refunds. Do you see that?

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1814.527

That is PowerPoint. In bold, yeah. Yeah, in bold. It's about learning the process of how the game works. Let me give you a quick example of what that might look like. Oh. So... Here I am here.

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1827.476

Oh, great. We're doing some football sketching out on the whiteboard.

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This will be you.

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You block, I tackle.

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1832.799

This is your target, right? So I'll say, hey, see that blonde over there? Go talk to her. Go use the absolutely adorable opener. So you walk.

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1855.748

And you go, hey, real quick, super random, I thought you were absolutely adorable. So now here you are.

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1863.47

He's the guys, guys and girls who are listening out there. You, the listener. I must describe this to you. He has the whiteboard. He has got a blue marker and a red marker. And he is literally putting X's and O's showing you where you're physically going to be standing and how you're going to walk up to a girl.

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I didn't know that they really sketched it out this in detail. Yeah.

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1888.573

Ryan something? Ryan. Yeah. I have a feeling we'll know his name before too long.

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1893.036

Talking to your target. You guys are kind of talking back and forth. And I am basically rovering around. I might be here. I might go here.

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I bet he regrets that every day of his life.

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1912.367

And I'm just kind of scoping the scene, just kind of being like, okay, how is the student's body language looking? Oh, look, he looks pretty good. Like, doesn't have his hands in his pockets. Looks like he's leaned back.

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1926.87

Like a shark and a baby seal, he's going to be circling around, taking notes, making sure that you're in the proper posture and position to get your dick wet. Okay.

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1938.356

He looks very cool, calm, and collected. Like, yeah, this set is going really good. Oh.

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1946.442

With Las Vegas' number one. It's okay. Here it is. This is what it says on the screen. More bad PowerPoint, by the way. I just have to say this. PUA Boot Camp video frequently asked questions. A few things you should know. With Las Vegas' number one dating coach, Ryan Juanzemes? I think so. Okay.

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195.177

You heard it here last, the commercial break, keeping you informed about all the comings and goings of the asteroids circling around Earth. Just last night, I read that it is no longer a threat to humanity. That's good news. This was a football field-sized asteroid that would have created a crater a mile wide and a lot of drama for those living in or around that particular asteroid.

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1967.202

Hey guys, Ryan here. If you're receiving this message, it means you probably just purchased my new PUA bootcamp. So welcome to this quick briefing, PUA bootcamp video FAQ. This quick briefing, it's an hour and a half long. First of all, second of all. They all do that.

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1983.554

And then an hour later, they're still quick.

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1988.297

If you're receiving this message, the asteroid has hit Earth. And we must make new babies. So I'm here to teach you it. I'm Las Vegas' number one dating coach. What makes him Las Vegas' number one dating coach? Is there like, do they actually have a ranker? You should know. It's like saying best pizza.

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2019.853

No sander whatsoever. Sometimes we're Apple's number one improv comedy podcast, and I don't think that makes much difference. I think a lot of people would disagree.

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2030.183

I made this little briefing video for you guys so that you know everything to expect before we actually meet up real life. Coaching session. Introduction.

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2039.707

Oh. Oh, my God. What was that? This is all over the place. This is terrible. Juan needs to take his ADHD medication.

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2046.99

Las Vegas 7 Magazine. What is Las Vegas 7 Magazine? I don't know. It's one of those. You remember when we were named one of Atlanta's best podcasts? Yes. by simply writing out our own article and sending it to them.

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2063.567

And thank you for purchasing my new boot camp and or coaching and or training and or... One of the best in the game, says Bad Boy Lifestyle. Product, et cetera. And welcome. Why I created this program.

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2074.236

Train with the master. Oh, he's like the Yoda of Las Vegas dating coaches.

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2079.181

Let's talk about a few things and or frequently asked questions you should know beforehand. How the boot camp and or training is set up. Typically, all of my live training is...

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2092.076

Yeah, he's at a mall. This mall seems to be a favorite stomping grounds of a lot of these pickup artists. I can only imagine why. Watching my students win in the field. Learn how to approach hot women. Get coaching from me. DM for more info.

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2106.705

And our boot camps, etc. Consist of a mix. This is like a bad local television commercial.

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2111.508

It's terrible.

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Between in-classroom lectures, theory, question and answer, et cetera, and live, in-field approaching.

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Oh, my God. There's like a guy at the mall, at the Gap, talking to girls that are clearly a little on the young side, don't you think?

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Or drilling and or training, et cetera. Example, my eight-hour diamond package.

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What scientist is doing research on this? None. Oh, a free 15-minute phone consultation. You know what, Chrissy?

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I think we're going to have to call the phone number.

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One to two days of either two times. Is that Ivanka Trump?

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Yeah, it looks like Ivanka Trump to me. Four-hour sessions consisting of four hours lecture and or theory and four hours in-field training. And or theory. And or theory. Or.

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Yeah, whatever you're weak in, he's going to bolster that. So it's either, what, theory or technique?

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That, to me, is some of the scariest type of apocalyptic visions that you could have. Accelerationism and something coming from outer space, whether it be aliens or a rock hitting Earth and then certain destruction for all of us. Think about this. I want everybody to take a deep breath, driving in your car, at work, having sex with your girlfriend because we are the best podcast to have sex to.

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Mm-hmm. I'm eight-hour block or four times two-hour trainings, et cetera. It really just all depends on our schedule, and we discussed all that before.

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That's a long time. Hey, listen, it takes a long time to teach these kinds. Christy, this is a hack that you're going to want to know.

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Heck. However, every student and or client has their own unique and specific goals when it comes to achieving success with women. So every training will be custom tailored to meet the specific and unique goals of each.

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We already bought it.

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Well, he needs you to get the diamond package, Chrissy. Listen, you're only going to learn so much by going to the in-person boot camp where he'll be swirling around you all afternoon.

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Yeah, listen, you get the diamond package or the mall package? The mall package? Not it. We're not teaching as much technique and theory as we're doing during the diamond package where we go to the outlet malls. That's really where a lot of women go.

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Cheesecake factory. Student and or client. For example, some students' goals may be to just find love or a girlfriend and or wife or the perfect partner, while others may just want to learn how to get laid fast with more women. Some... Get them digits. Students may just be seeking more confidence during social situations or learn how to manage their social anxiety in a public.

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This is some of the worst marketing I have ever seen. This is like horrible. You've been to Vegas, right? Yeah. You've been to Vegas? Okay, you go to Vegas and you'll find that there's a lot of people who are obviously looking for an extra dollar or two. They might be down on their luck. They might not have that much money. They're being paid by some strip club or brothel to hand out these flyers.

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These look like those flyers. That's what it looks like.

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All put together. Yes. While dealing with other people. While other students are already successful with women and are now trying to take their game to the next level. Or may even eventually want to become a coach themselves. Who this program is for? Generally students who have already either previously gotten Skype and or Zoom video coaching and who have done at least a one-hour assessment.

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This is crazy. Okay, so let's read a little bit of this because now we're just reading a PowerPoint presentation. I didn't realize we were going to go down this PowerPoint road, but okay, we'll roll with it. How the boot camp training is set up.

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Typically, all of my live trainings, boot camps, et cetera, he uses a lot of et ceteras, consist of a mix between in-classroom lectures, theory, Q&A, et cetera, and live, in-field, approaching, drilling, training, et cetera.

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Example, my eight-hour diamond package consists of one to two days of either two times four-hour sessions consisting of four hours lecture or theory and four hours of infield training or one-on-one by eight coaching, a block of two-by-two-four coaching, etc. However, every student or client must get their own unique and specific goals when it comes to achieving success.

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He just literally read that entire PowerPoint slide and then he put it on there word for word. Yeah, he did. Ryan, I don't know about your pickup artist skills, but I know some people who can help you with your presentation skills.

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This is terrible, bro. With me or who have already been through my bronze and gold trainings or one of my other live trainings and or seminars. But this is definitely not mandatory. So let's talk about the purpose of boot camp. What is the purpose of taking a PUA boot camp? Approaching women is a skill set which can be developed via practice and repetition.

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Learning how to pick up women is no different than learning any other skill set.

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Okay, I think what we've learned about Ryan is that he is the world's worst PowerPoint presentation skills. When I saw some of this video, I thought this was really promising. But now what I'm learning is that Ryan is just reading slide by slide thousands of words that he has typed out, and he's putting those on the video. Yeah. so that you can read along with him.

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Ryan, if your PUA skills are anything like your meeting skills, do not buy this class. Do not buy it. You're going to be stuck in a hot hotel room, probably a Holiday Inn somewhere off the strip, listening to Ryan read his own bullshit with a lot of et ceteras, spelling mistakes, punctuations. This guy writes... copy like I write text messages. Do you know what I'm saying?

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This is the problem with society today is that we're just not teaching these kids how to write. This guy needs some grammar lessons before he's going to get some POA lessons. But hey, listen, don't If you don't believe the PowerPoint slide, believe Ryan when he says you can have dating coach technique, theory, get married, get laid, etc., etc., etc., etc.

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And to sleep to. Probably more to sleep to. But okay, if you're having sex then. I want everyone to take a deep breath and then I want you to think about this for a second. For months and months and months, we look up in the night sky, maybe even the day sky, and we see a growing object. getting bigger than our moon as every day goes by fiery ball from hell coming toward us.

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All right, we're going to take a break, and then we'll find some actual content here, and we'll get back to it, etc., etc., etc.

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All right. And we're back. Now we've managed to scroll our way through something interesting here with Ryan. Yeah. I mean, listen. I was just telling Chrissy, I think that there was one time when Rafa and I owned the internet marketing company. And there was a guy who came in to pitch us on something. I forgot what it was. He came in to pitch us on something.

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And he sat down and he put up a PowerPoint presentation with thousands of words on it. And they were all bullet pointed. And he started reading line by line through it. And about two pages in, Raphael and I were like, sorry, this is not for us. Leave that with us. Just leave that with us. If you came here to read it, we can do that on our own and we won't. And we will not do that.

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Number one top dating and success coach and have taught thousands of men just like you from all over the world how to become more successful.

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Yeah, dude. I mean, listen, this makes me this makes me pine for John Anthony lifestyle because at least his videos are interesting.

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At least you can watch his videos with their interactions with women. Think of me just like a football coach and you're like a player on the team. I give you. Let's go get that pussy.

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The plays on how to approach and meet women. I tell you exactly what to do and say.

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Oh, my God. There's a video playing in the background, a background video where there's guys at the mall that are leaning over. They're downstairs. This guy is on a balcony, like, you know, on the upstairs, looking down into this courtyard area, and he is talking in a microphone, and these guys have earpieces in.

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Are you not automatically suspicious of a guy who starts coming up to you with an earphone, with an earpiece in? Yes, yes. Like, what are you, Secret Service?

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Who am I talking to? I instruct you how to stand, how to move, how to dress, how to act, and what to do through each and... I will instruct you on how to be exactly who you are not.

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Let's reenact this. Are you ready? You'll be the target. I'll be Dave. Are there Starbucks around here? Are there Starbuckses around here? Yeah?

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Yeah. Okay. Hey, thanks. Are you from around here? Yeah. Eject button. Ejaculate button.

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And we have no choice, but to suffer the consequences of certain doom, like a black cold night for many, many months until we die of starvation. That to me is the scariest kind of apocalyptic vision because we will see it coming and we will see it coming for a long time. And we will have not, there will be nothing that we can do. Hmm. unless Bruce Willis can get back on the horse and ride again.

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Wow. Good for Ryan.

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Yeah. And by the way, he's talking to a girl who's running a kiosk. Are there Starbucks's around here? I don't think Starbucks's is a word. Are there Starbucks's around here?

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To the process. Then you simply follow the directions, memorize the process for yourself. And next thing you know, a beautiful woman is now giving you her phone number and agreeing to meet up with you for a date.

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We are watching in what they call in the field footage. Yeah. While Ryan is incessantly babbling on about his PowerPoint, he is showing in the background live footage of his clients at the mall in the food court. YouTube.com slash the commercial break. You got to go watch this. He's showing footage of his clients in a mall hitting on the girls running the kiosk stand. Some lady having lunch.

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You know, girls at a jean store. Meanwhile, his client.

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is balding wearing glass his client is me basically his client looks like me and uh he's talking to a girl who's probably no older than 21 years old he's probably in his 40s i would imagine and there is zero chance that this guy is going to walk away with any of these girls phone numbers they're entirely too young and pretty not the real ones yeah not the real ones

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That's true. After our training, once you have memorized the process, you will then be able to go out on your own and, quote, rinse and repeat. Again, it's just like me being a master chef and or cook and or baker, et cetera. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

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Et cetera. Like an apprentice. And I am teaching you how to bake a chocolate cake, for example. I tell you what ingredients you need.

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Yeah. Because that's her job. Her job is to talk to you. Anybody in a service environment, if I'm a pickup artist, and I'm not, this has been well noted, history will go down and I will not have pickup artist on my grave. Whatever the opposite of pickup artist is, a dump artist. That's what I am. I'm a dump artist.

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Whatever that is, whatever that means, pickup artist, if I am one of those, the first thing I am telling my clients is, is that customer service related interactions are not considered interactions that are valuable because they are paid to interact with you. Like the strip club. Like the strip club. You don't go to a strip club to pick up a girl. The most expensive thing in a strip club is what?

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I hope she comes home with me and I will pay endless amounts of money to see that that happens. That's it. The entire universe of strip clubs runs on hope.

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There's milk, oil, eggs, chocolate, etc. And... Etc, etc, etc. Proportions to use and how to mix them together properly. How to grease the pans, how to set the oven to the right temperature, how to ice the cake, and how to serve and present the cake when it's done. It's all...

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The name of this episode is Etc.

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No doubt about it. Or ETC. It's the same exact thing with picking up women. It's just a process.

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Oh, my God. So he's done more in the field footage where he is pushing a guy, literally physically throwing him. And now go and talk to this girl.

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Do you know what I'm saying? That's the only way. And scientists have done that too. NASA has done this. They have... Effective. Yes, they have moved an asteroid off its course. But that asteroid was like many, many, many, many, many thousands of miles away. And they were saying that if this particular asteroid, YR24, I-K-N-Y-K-D-Y-N-O-24 –

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Once you learn the process, you will be able to go out and pick up women. Oh, my God. Where in any time you want. You might also use the metaphor of learning how to build a house.

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You might be a couple. Oh, I have no idea.

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Now we just have random footage. Now he's showing you phone numbers. Nobu. He's got Nobu in his phone. First of all, that's an iPhone 3.

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With all the raw materials, that is, the lumber, the cement, the screws, the nails, etc.

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I get girl's phone number. Hot chick.

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But you don't have the blueprint for the house or any of the necessary tools. That is, hammer, screwdriver, screw gun, socket wrenches, etc.

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doing love that metaphor about the house most likely you already have everything that you need to attract women you're enough most likely as it is however that's the most honest thing you've said the entire time there you go yes you do might just not have the know-how or the specific technical specifications of how to actually approach

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It isn't in a fucking Ikea chair you got to build. It's going out there and being social. It's not really all that complicated. And I do understand that there are many people on this earth who have social anxiety and they find that they would rather cut themselves with small pieces of paper than go and put themselves in a social situation that's unfamiliar to them. That is the challenge.

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I don't think I can help you get over that. You just have to find something in you that overcomes that kind of anxiety. But there are no technical specifications to attraction. It's either happening or it's not happening. And she's either right for you or she's not or he's right for you or whatever. You can't manufacture this automatically.

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by rinsing and repeating terrible pickup lines and putting yourself in front of women and giving them the hand and telling them to stop and talking to kiosk girls at the mall. I mean, come on. What's at Starbucks is not even a word, etc.

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what to do, how to get her phone number. And all that really is just a step-by-step process. Like I said, you already have the lumber, you already have the cement, but I'm the guy who has the blueprint and the tools that you need in order to... I've got a blueprint.

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It's on my arm.

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Check it out. Build that house. Or just like with this cooking and chef metaphor, same thing. I'm like the master chef and you're the apprentice cook. So I'm going to teach you how... This sounds like the plot to Ratatouille. Bake that chocolate cake. Hey, you need a quarter cup of oil, you need a half cup of milk, and you need three eggs, and you need blank, blank, and blank.

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Now, if you only have, you know, you don't have any oil, and you only have a little bit of milk, and you only have two eggs.

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This is an extraordinarily specific metaphor, and I don't think metaphors are supposed to be specific. I think that's why we call them metaphors.

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Etc. And you try to make that same cake. Well, it's just not going to work for you, right?

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Because you don't have the... I now have a... I am officially unconvinced this is Las Vegas's number one pickup artist.

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Proper ingredients to make the chocolate cake. But that's why I'm there to instruct you exactly how to do it. So in terms of meeting and approaching women, when we go out together, essentially what I'm doing is I'm going to teach you step by step Go up to her and you're going to say this. You're going to stand like this. You're going to project your voice loud, confident, dominant like this.

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I'm out there being a cheerleader for you. OK, I'm not saying, oh, just go be confident. Just go talk to her and make it happen. I'm out there giving you the specific technical details.

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I'm shoving you. First things first. I want you to pick up your right leg, bend at the knee, push it forward, foot down. Second step, pick up your left leg, bend at the knee, push it forward, step down. Now, see that girl over there? Stop. Not the right posture. Hold on one second. Change your clothes. Change your voice. Change your thoughts. Change your mind.

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If that asteroid was on its way to Earth, then we did not have time to do anything about it. The time had already passed. So we were fucked. Yeah, six years apparently is not enough time to get that asteroid diversion machine up there. And we would really have to do something like drastic, go put a nuclear bomb on it and hope that that diverts it, explodes it, whatever it is.

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Let's put in contacts that aren't your eye color. We need a wig. You need to bodybuild. I'm going to get you plastic surgery. And now you're perfect. You're perfect just the way you are now, now that I've changed everything about you. I'm telling you exactly what to do. I am the chef. Let me give you a metaphor, Chrissy. I am the chef. I work at a cheesecake factory. I come into work at 4.30.

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I clock in. I put on my chef's apron. I wash my hands. I walk over to the pot. I put water in it. I boil it. I get four eggs. I crack those eggs. I put them in the pot. I get a cup of flour, etc., etc., etc. But wait, I haven't finished with my metaphor.

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No, no, no. You skip steps. You don't win. You're not going to get laid like that, Chrissy. You're not going to get laid like that. You think Jeff's just going to screw you because you're a hot chick? No, it doesn't work like that. You need to listen to my chef metaphor. This is why you paid $497 for the diamond package. Diamond package. This, this, this, and this.

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And you get the girl. On my boot camps and or trainings, you'll learn the secrets of attraction. What makes it and or?

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Yeah, what makes it and or? Why are we and or-ing? I don't know. I don't know. I guess it just depends on who you are and how badly you want to read through a PowerPoint presentation.

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psychology and how to confidently and strategically approach women and groups of women and start conversations you will learn how to approach and captivate your audience spark deep emotional connections and wow what is this b-roll footage where does he find this this is him where at qvc that's not him is it

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That's him.

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That's him. That's obviously him many years ago because he no longer has any hair or all that weight on him. But, you know, that's him.

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Yeah, this looks like a PBS studio, you know, like a local GPTV studio where he's giving the guys a pop quiz. If I could only read those questions. Those guys must kick themselves in the fucking balls when they realize they have to go sit in a chair for hours at a time and listen to this guy read through a PowerPoint presentation.

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this guy is a tchotchke oh my god it's bad i really want a 15 minute consultation instead of just sitting around all day thinking and or daydreaming about approaching women and getting a girlfriend and or getting laid etc this will actually get you out into a real life social situation with real women and learn from a master of the game that is the dating game well you know what after this i feel like i have to get out into a real life social situation i

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And so this, for at least a week, was scaring the shit out of me. I was having nightmare visions in my bed. Like, wow, my kids aren't that old. And we're all going to have to watch as the sky gets dark and we just wait for D-Day to come along.

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I think this is the worst pickup artist ever. Oh, that was bad. That's terrible. Yeah. Wow. Not only was it bad advice, it's just the delivery is terrible. Oh, my God. The delivery is all over the place. It makes no sense. And I got to be real honest, I'm not sure that this would work because I'm not sure I could get through it.

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This is an hour and a half long, Chrissy.

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The 21 Convention.

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Okay, maybe tomorrow we need a palate cleanser. Going back to Zahn. At least Zahn was making it up whole cloth as he went along. At least Zahn just made up the bullshit. This guy's reading it. It's unbelievable how terrible that is. Really bad.

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Okay, well, Chrissy and I are going to go read the 42-page PowerPoint presentation and we'll give you the cliff notes if there is such a thing, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And then we'll fill you in tomorrow. I do need a palate cleanser. I feel like I need something to wash this out of my brain. That was bad. It's terrible. All right. So bad. All right. 212-433-3822. 212-433-3TCB.

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Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. We take them all at that phone number. Or you can leave us a voicemail. If you want to be on the show, we might use that voicemail in a future episode. You never do know. So roll the dice, gamble, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. That's my metaphor. Also, I lost my train of thought because I'm trying to read the words on the boot camp.

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Also, YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break. We would love it if you would... The Commercial Break. I know. We would love it if you would come, check out the new studio, watch us on YouTube. We would love it. And you can subscribe to that channel if you're so kind. Add The Commercial Break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and... TCBpodcast.com.

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Yes, it is. And so, you know, I was...

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That's your home for all things commercial break. More information about Chrissy and I, all the audio, all the video, right there from one location. Plus, you can get your free TCB swag by going to the Contact Us button, drop down menu, I want my free sticker. Give us your physical address and we will be happy to send that to you post-haste, etc., etc., etc.

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I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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I was ready to go to the red light district, spend the rest of my money, buy Bitcoin.

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Create an NFT. Build that bunker.

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369.589

Yeah, no shit. What do you do? There's six years left. What do you do?

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374.113

Well, first of all, The earth is full of people that aren't well, and so if we really have six years left, I know that it's going to be a total shit show. It would be nuts. If someone came on the radio today or the tele-radio who listens to my day, or if someone came on the day we've been talking about this, oh, we got there.

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Anyway, I don't want to knock radio because, you know, we work for a radio network.

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It's already knocked. Yeah, it's it's it's struggling as we don't need to kick it. We don't need to kick it while it's down. So but if someone came on the television today and they said, you know, president or whoever, and he said, Bitcoin, Asteroid.

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If Trump came on today and said, unfortunately, we have figured out through mathematical calculations that I clearly did not do, that asteroid is headed straight for Pittsburgh and we're all fucked.

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Right. It wouldn't take 24 hours. before everybody was going loony fucking tune around the world. So for that reason alone, I am sus about this particular article that says it's no longer a threat because I think that people in charge may know better than to actually say that out loud. Yeah, like Paradise, they're secretly pulling people into a bunker.

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454.795

Neil won't come on the show. I've asked him a couple of times.

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He said, I'll think about it next time I'm out there doing podcasts. And that was two years ago.

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465.8

I'd love to have Neil on.

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This is a safe place for you, bro. I'd love to hear anything you have to say. You would improve the intelligence of this show by a thousand just by logging on. Exactly. That's it. That's all you need to do. But you have to think about that.

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When there is someone saying there is a 1% to 3% chance that an asteroid is going to hit the Earth in 2032, and then days later they say, oh, no, just kidding, it's 0%.

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Now, I agree. It is either 0% or 100%. You do the calculations. How is it 1%? Is it going to, like, you know, in space things fly pretty straight unless they hit something else or gravity pulls them away, right? So you would know. Like, it's an orbit. You would know. However, it's pretty predictable. However.

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If someone says there is a chance and then all of a sudden says there isn't a chance, is that just scientists or NASA saying we really can't let this cat out of the bag? Society has got to function for the next six years. Because if there is an asteroid heading toward Earth and it's certain doom and gloom, people are going to go crazy. They're going to go crazy. Laws be damned.

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Laws are already be damned. I mean, we're already living in a lawless country in a lot of ways.

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I have my eye to the sky all the time.

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Yeah, that's not planets. That's Elon Musk's space drones up there.

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Yeah, they fly.

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556.278

Yeah, I have the same thing.

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558.8

And then you can see the constellations and see what you're looking at. Exactly. Yeah, it's pretty cool because when I was a kid, I was always fascinated by it in the book. But then in real life, I could never quite figure out where Orion's Belt was. It wasn't clear to me exactly what was Orion's Belt. And my kids are now getting fascinated by this. So I got the app so that we could look and see.

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They're still confused about what's going on. I'm still confused about what's going on.

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Yeah, you can see those satellites flying across the sky. That's my point. That's my point. Okay, I get it. You're out yachting and, you know, you need safe harbor or whatever. Fuck you. So what do you do if there's six years left?

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599.211

Yeah. Well, tell me, what do we do? What do we get to? What do we get up to if there's six years left?

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You do, and we don't have any. Yeah. Well, first thing, I sell all the equipment in the house. I sell all the equipment, and I desperately try and get a real job for six years so that I have some money to feed myself and my children. I don't know.

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Yeah, for the last year of life.

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And then take off the last year. Just really hit it hard. Probably take the kids down to Disney a couple times.

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I could think of worse places to die than Margaritaville. Do you know what I'm saying? I could not think of worse places to die than Great Wolf Lodge. That's a given. I mean, who wants to die at the Great Wolf Lodge? I know there are people that do, but it's not me. I am not that. There is someone out there who says that's my perfect.

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You know, when I was a teenager and I was doing a lot of experimenting with hallucinogens, you know, that can really fuck with your brain. And so I would oftentimes think about apocalypse for whatever reason. What would I do in those circumstances? And then I would talk about that amongst friends. You know, we're all fucked up at night. Where would And all of us always said Disney World.

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Just head down to Disney World, spend a couple of weeks, and then just let the warm water of death wash over you, right? Because it's a cool place. It's happy. You got roller coasters, you know, Mickey Head pretzels and those ice creams you can only buy down there. That pineapple Dole Whip. That Dole Whip. I want a Dole Whip before I die.

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So that seems like a cool place, but a beach seems like a great place. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, if you're going to be in the shadow of an asteroid and fiery ball from hell coming at you, you know, be on the beach. Party in the woods except on the beach. Party in the woods except on the beach. Everybody's naked. Bonfires everywhere.

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Driving you fucking bananas. You can't sleep because of all the bongo playing. Lots of ayahuasca. I mean, you got to have DMT if that, you know.

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But I think I'd probably... I think I'd probably pass on the hallucinogens if I actually knew that the end was near.

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Yeah, that's going to just fuck with it. It's already going to fuck with my head. But then it's going to fuck with my head even more if I'm all fucked up. So, yeah, I'm cashing out everything and I'm just living high on the hog. But then you wonder, like, okay, isn't everybody else also going to do that? And then what about the people who make these places so special?

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His client is me, basically. His client looks like me. And he's talking to a girl who's probably no older than 21 years old. He's probably in his 40s, I would imagine. And there is zero chance that this guy is going to walk away with any of these girls' phone numbers. They're entirely too young and pretty.

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The people who work at Disney or the resorts or your favorite beach that are bringing you those fruity cocktails with umbrellas? If they know in mere moments our money is going to be no good, why am I working? Why is everybody else doing this and I'm working for these people? I don't know that I'm going to – you know. So it's a tricky proposition. It really is.

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If you knew the day you were going to die, if you could know that day, would you want to know that day?

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That's a really fascinating question with so many twists and turns.

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I think no, too.

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If you knew the day you were going to die, you could say your goodbyes. You could make sure that everything was buttoned up. You could make sure your family was taken care of. Those last things you wanted to do were, you know, you had done. You could plan your party. You could plan your own funeral. I've already planned my own funeral. If I die tomorrow... Don't make a stink. Have a fucking party.

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Just have a party. That's all I'm asking. Don't make a stink.

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Have a party. I doubt many tears are going to be shed, but, you know, if anybody starts to cry, tell them.

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Oh, Teresa Caputo's got to be there because she's got to figure out our secret word that we can't remember.

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843.685

It was Henry Fonda. We need to update that. Now we need to update it.

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Please update your password. Yeah, I think that's a complicated question with so many different – like there are – There are causes and effects to knowing the day that you're going to die. And one of them is like if someone said, hey, Brian, you're going to die next month.

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I would be freaking out. Absolutely freaking out. But then I would do my best to get everything done that I needed to get done, make sure that my family was OK and everything was going to be fine, say my goodbyes. But I'd also be incredibly sad. Right. I think about all the things that I'm going to miss. If someone says you're going to die at 89 years old.

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884.804

Well, then I just, you know, make sure I live the best life that I can until such day. The problem is, if you could know the day that you die, you can't control the day that you die. So if I can't change it, then what am I going to do? I might as well just not know. That way, I go blissfully unaware into the night, as I always do. Going to sleep. My blood pressure 200 over 70,000.

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Just hoping that my ticker is still kicking in. Yeah, that's all you can do.

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Yeah. I mean, your life becomes a trope at that point. You just got to do what you got to do. It is what it is.

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96.66

That's true. After our training, once you have memorized the process, you will then be able to go out on your own and, quote, rinse and repeat. Again, it's just like me being a master chef and or cook and or baker, etc. And you, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc.

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The heart wants with the heart wants. And the heart wants to live a couple more days.

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Yeah, they say bargaining is part of grieving. I'd probably bargain. Like, please, just give me like, you know, if someone said you're going to die next month, I'd be like, give me another month. Like, can I have another month? I'll be really good. I promise. Yeah. I'll put it together. I'll stop doing the commercial break. I promise I will. No more commercial break. Make amends. Yes.

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So part of me thinks that, I mean, listen, I am not like the most skeptical media person. Watcher in the world. I don't think that everything is a lie or a conspiracy or whatever. I think that stories are manipulated. I think that PR people do their job.

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1, 2, 6, 4, 3, 2, 3.

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Ready, guys! Ready now!

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Yeah.

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Pretty girls. Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Whoa. Okay.

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Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

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Oh, yeah.

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What?

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I love it.

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What?

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Yeah.

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Okay, let's take a poll. How weird does it feel to be called someone's fiancé? Right? The first time you hear it, you do like a double take. Your heart kind of flutters, and before you know it, you go from, let's just enjoy this moment, to, we're planning a fall wedding. That's where Zola comes in. Zola has everything you need to plan your wedding in one place and have fun along the way.

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Nice.

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Oh, man.

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I'm not claiming I ever had any interaction with Grant Cardone. Legally, I'm not claiming anything about Grant Cardone because he is litigious. And so he's not listening to my show, but I just... Grant Cardone is really like a sketchy son of a bitch. And it's been known. It's widely understood in the real estate business that he is. That's just the way that it is. What? How he got there?

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I don't know. I'm not making any of those claims. But I knew a guy when I first met when I got in the real estate business. And this guy was one of those dudes. who he looked very presentable, and he appeared to be very smart. That's the first step to scamming everybody, is you have to appear presentable. And then you have to talk the talk.

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And so I remember sitting down with my partner at the time. We're brand newbies in the real estate business, but here's the thing about the real estate business. Everybody who takes a weekend course then thinks they're experts on the business. So all the newbies come in with the attitude that we are... we have been doing this for like 50 years.

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We don't know nothing, but you have to go in looking like you know something. So here we are in these suits and ties, sitting in a patio next to the Chattahoochee River. It's July. I'm sweating my potatoes off. And there's this guy across, and he's giving us a 15-page PowerPoint presentation on an apartment complex mixed use that he's going to build somewhere north of Atlanta.

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It's only going to cost $385 million. But And he's never personally been involved in a $385 million project, but he knows all the pieces of the puzzle. He knows all the players. He's got the money raised, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

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This guy goes off and instantaneously, even though I've taken a weekend real estate course and I know better than anybody else, in the back of my mind, I know that I don't really know anything, but I know that this is bullshit. How does this guy have $385 million raised? And then why is he, all he needs is a million dollars so he can get the permits, and then it all comes into play, right?

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That's what every scammer ever said. All I need is that one piece of the puzzle, and then it all comes rolling. It's basically a Nigerian Oriole scam. If I could just borrow $50,000, I could get $100 million out of Nigeria, then we'll all be rich.

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I'll give you 80% of my $100 million if I could just borrow $7 on an Apple gift card that you buy at Walmart, don't tell your friends. That's basically how it goes. So this guy, whose name is also Brian, so this guy, he kind of travels around the circle of real estate people we know, and he tries to get everybody investing in all of these cockamamie things that he claims he's doing.

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And everybody, with any good sense, understands that this is just not true.

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It's way too good to be true. He doesn't have $385 million. He doesn't know anybody. And if he does have $385 million, why is he having trouble raising $50,000? It just doesn't make any sense. So – but he travels in this, like, real estate circle of human beings that we know. And he looks good and he talks good. He looks good. He talks good. He's always with a good-looking girl.

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He's shaking hands. He's kissing babies. So – but pretty soon the whispers start and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then – Pretty soon, people in the business are looking for him because he owes them money. And like, hey, have you seen this guy? I got to talk to him. He owes me money, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, no, I really don't know.

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I don't know because I never loaned him any money, so I didn't keep tabs on the guy, but whatever. A year later, he pops up on Instagram and Facebook, and he's making these videos from a multi-million dollar mansion in West Palm Beach, Florida. Yeah. And I mean, here's my new house. It's a club. We're turning it into a club for $10,000 a month. You can be part of my club.

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I just bought this beautiful property, blah, blah. And everybody is like, well, holy shit. He did it. He figured out a way to actually do something. This beautiful property in West Palm Beach, Florida, multimillion dollar spread right on the beach.

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Right. Well, he's doing this for like months. He's making these videos. Until in the comments section, people start saying that he is not actually he doesn't actually own the house. He rented it on Airbnb and the owners can't get him out. It's like people are like posting. You need to leave the house. You know, this is these poor people's house. They're trying.

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But yeah, he's squatting inside of the Airbnb. Right. But he's like, you know, responding, this is my house. It's a misunderstanding, blah, blah, blah. Oh, it's always a misunderstanding. Okay. All right. So it's clearly he's scammed somebody and he's getting caught and blah, blah, blah. Eventually he gets evicted from the house. Everybody learns this.

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Everybody in the circle that we run in learns that he gets evicted from this house. In 2020, I think, and like right in the pandemic, so he goes away for two years. And then all of a sudden, right when we start the show, all of a sudden, he pops up again after no one hears from him for years. We thought he might be in jail. We didn't know.

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After no one hears from him for years, all of a sudden he pops up. He is part of Grant Cardone's brand new streaming television service, 10X. Streaming television service, just like Fyre Fest, just like Fee Rate Fest. Right, right. It's this shitty website that Grant Cardone has where 24 hours a day, scammy real estate guys are teaching scammy real estate techniques. For $19.95.

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For $19.95 plus $19.95 shipping and handling, you too can scam your grandma to the last $15,000. For $19.95 plus $19.95 shipping and handling, Brian from Atlanta Real Estate Infamy will teach you how to squat in an Airbnb, make it look like it's yours. This guy pops up on Grant Cardone's website, giving like a daily course on what to do in real estate.

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Chrissy, if one day, if I didn't think Grant was so fucking litigious, I would show you some of these videos, which still live on that website to this day. At least last time I checked a couple months ago. I have never heard such mumbo jumbo come out of anybody's mouth in my entire life. It is absolute horse hockey. It is clear that he knows nothing about this.

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And these are the type of people that Grant Cardone surrounds himself with. This Grant Cardone guy is a real fucking lug nut, a real fucking lug nut. And he's on one of those business channels the other day. They're talking about tariffs, which are just killing everybody in the world, right? They're going to kill the economy worldwide. And they're already doing so, actually.

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And actually, as we're recording this right now, it seems like Donald Trump is all of a sudden, he's given up on the tariffs. No more tariffs. Don't worry about it. No more tariffs. Because he knows that he's tanking the economy and now he's getting nervous. People are privately biting his ear and saying, you, this isn't about high prices. This is about empty shelves.

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And people are going to go bananas. You're going to cause chaos. And so all of a sudden yesterday he said, no, no more tariffs. No, bad. Donald Trump, good.

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But listen to this. So Grant Cardone is on one of these business channels. And he says, all you people out there, all you real estate guys, all you brokers, all you small business, big business people that are complaining about tariffs, you need to shut up and sit down. This isn't about you. This is about Donald Trump taking control of the situation. It's like, oh, okay, this isn't about us.

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This is about everybody. It just goes to show that Grant Cardone knows shit from Shinola about business, and yet he continues to do it again. Mm-hmm.

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Him, Billy McFarlane, Stephen Roush, and now Craig Roush, Bob Joush, whatever his name is, and now Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC, all in the same category of fucking lug nuts that get lifted up into the stream of consciousness as business gurus when the truth is. Experts. Experts. When the truth is, no one's really an expert on anything. No one really knows shit about anything.

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We're all stumbling through life, blind as a fucking bat, hoping that we get a goddamn nut like a squirrel in a tree. And if we do, we are lucky. Lucky. And we should consider ourselves so. And we should shut up, sit down, and be nice to the people around us. Amen. Because luck. Fortune does not fortune the brave or whatever the fuck you say. Fortune favors the bold. Fuck you. It's luck.

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And luck is a roll of the dice. It's not because you're smarter than the rest of the people around you. Likely you're dumber. The truth is you just blindly walked into a goddamn nut. So sit down and shut up. No one wants to hear it. Elon Musk didn't invent the electric car. Jeff Bezos didn't invent books or the internet. They got lucky. That's what happened. Fuckers.

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Okay, maybe Mark Zuckerberg stole the idea for social media, but it wasn't a particularly good idea. You see what it's done? Nothing. Nothing for nobody except make Brian angry about Grant Cardone. Fuck you.

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Someone Check on Bryan!

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With that, let's take a break. And when we get back, we're going to go completely the opposite direction. I'm going to tell you about the swingers cruise, Temptations. Oh, we're talking about lucky. We'll hear someone review the cruise when we get back.

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Someone Check on Bryan!

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Fortune favors the bold. Fuck you. It's luck. And luck is a roll of the dice. It's not because you're smarter than the rest of the people around you. Likely you're dumber. The truth is you just blindly walked into a goddamn nut. So sit down and shut up. No one wants to hear it. Elon Musk didn't invent the electric car. Jeff Bezos didn't invent books or the internet. They got lucky.

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Someone Check on Bryan!

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Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large.

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And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules.

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They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything. You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Serea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. Sorry about that. I took my blood pressure medication, and now I feel better. Oh, good.

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I get so worked up that all these idiots just fall upward all the time.

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Well, I've seen a lot of it personally, and then I see a lot of it just going on, just people just falling upwards, complete –

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idiots and scam artists and con artists and they just keep falling upward into more and more money and more and more fame and more and more riches and you know i guess that's the world we live in in 2025 but again it's it i think it's really more about luck than it is about expertise because if you look around at some of these billionaires and millionaires and people who have just like kind of come into my it's like that guy that degenerate that we knew

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Yes, he had some forethought to look into Bitcoin and say this could be something down the line. But do you think he really knew when he saw at that moment that Bitcoin is going to be worth $100,000? Of course not. He's a degenerate. He couldn't even, high on acid, decide that was good. All right, so temptations.

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I followed this lady who had an interesting couple of reels one time, and she's a sex therapist and sex coach. And maybe someday we'll get her on. But her most recent reel, or the most recent reel that got served to me, She's on a cruise ship and the cruise ship, like the promenade, part of the promenade, which is that big galley area in the front of the cruise ship when you walk on.

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had been totally cleared out. And there were 48 beds with new linens put down on that promenade.

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And she was talking to one of the concierge. And this guy was a man from a different country. I would assume maybe the Philippines or something like that. He had an accent. Cute as a button. Dude was cute as a button. And she was asking... How do you like being the concierge of this whole setup? And he goes, yeah, it's fine with me.

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What do you think about being around a bunch of people who are having sex at the same time? And he said, hey, listen, it's just part of the job. It doesn't bother me one bit. I've seen it on TV. I've done it myself. Whatever. Cool. I'm just here to clean up and get you drinks, I guess. Clean up. Clean up and get you drinks is what he said. And I was shocked. I was like, wow.

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So what this was, was essentially a cruise where they had set up 40 plus beds in the same room so that people could fuck. And then you could have drinks and someone would come clean up your tasty teeners when you were done, I guess. I don't know, towel you down. Not sure how that works.

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That's what happened. Fuckers. Okay, maybe Mark Zuckerberg stole the idea for social media, but it wasn't a particularly good idea. You see what it's done? Nothing. Nothing for nobody except make Brian angry about Grant Cardone.

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Yeah, like one of those hot towels you get at the... What do you call them? The hibachi grill?

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Yeah, or the really nice plane flights, like when you go on first class and they bring you a hot towel. Here's one for your teabags. And this just fascinated the shit out of me. Are there really cruises dedicated to just swing? Because you can't do this. Like, I'd be really upset if I went on Royal Caribbean. Yeah.

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And the promenade on Tuesday night, like on our sail away day, had a bunch of people just fucking, yeah. It wouldn't be the... I'm not saying I would be against it. I just wanted to be against it if my family was there also.

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So this clearly had to be... Well, it makes sense.

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Not because I wanted to participate, but because I was doing a concert next door.

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Jam Land Productions was putting on its weekly loss of money for the bar. With its shitty jam bands. And occasionally a DJ slipped in there.

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So Temptations Resort apparently is a swingers resort or a singles resort or whatever you want to call it, adults only resort. And Temptations has started to put on cruises. They rent an entire cruise ship, just like Heather McMahon did, or the wrestling people do, or the bad 90s rock bands. Smash Mouth used to have a cruise.

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And Jam Cruise is one that's been going on for a long time that's very popular. It sells out every year. And so these cruise ships are up for rent, and you can rent them for private occasions, just like you could rent restaurants for a private occasion if you had enough money or enough people to do it.

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And so twice a year now, Temptations, apparently the resort, puts on a cruise where you go down on a Caribbean cruise. It's like a four-day sail away. Four-day fuck away.

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That's right. You hoist a flag. You hoist your sails.

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Yeah, you hoist your pineapple flag and then you hoist your other flag. Yeah. You meet some other frisky folks and you get down to it. And so I thought, well, okay, I want to know more about it.

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I found one or two videos about it, but I understand these people that we're about to review, they also do vlogs from the actual cruise, but they don't show any of the juicy parts because of course they can't show any of the juicy parts. There's privacy involved and all that other stuff. But I thought, why don't we do an after-cruise review, and let's hear what's going on there on the cruise ship.

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Okay. All right. So this is what we're about to listen to. Here we go. Two young-looking, nice-looking couple sitting in front of their couch. Typical vlog-type shit. Typical stuff.

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Before we start, she says, let's make sure that we get all of our merch.

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All right, okay. Fast forward through their commercial. Merch. Yeah, merch. By the way, we're going to have merch on the 12 Hours of TCB.

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Slash travel. Slash travel. We'll give them a shout out. Forourplay.com slash travel. In case you're into that kind of thing.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

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We have a – We have a pre-party where we oil each other down. A fluffing party, if you will.

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So the first thing we want to announce... Well, that was six minutes of commercials. Okay, are we done now? First of all, second of all, turn off your air conditioner and get a microphone. Please. It's so loud in there. We're really excited about that we... That has recently kind of... That's some kind of weird music. Yeah, and lose the music bed.

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I know I've been accused of playing music beds too much too, but I think I wouldn't have it running the entire video.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us.

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So you get double penetration. That's right.

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Exactly. Flushing. Oh, man. Can you imagine? This guy says sometimes people have trouble taking time off work. If you're into this kind of thing, you're taking... Yeah. Yeah. You probably own your own business or you don't care. You're quitting your job. Yes.

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By the way, double earrings. I like you, guy. You're going brave with the double earrings and the double necklace.

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Breaking news. The Fyre Fest scam continues. And I couldn't be more puffed up about it. I am fluffed this morning. I got to rock harder.

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That is very good information. Did you pick up on that? Yes. It's 40 to 50 with a skew on each side. As opposed to what? As opposed to what?

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You've got to be really into wanting to be around just adults.

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I think horny guys in their 30s who want to see a lot of tits probably is what that is. That's just my guess. I don't know. I'm not trying to like brand everybody. Listen, and by the way, I have nothing against the swinger community. No, of course not. God bless you. Have fun. Do your thing. But it's just a little funny to me.

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I think if you're going to Temptations, you're pretty open to a lot of stuff.

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When you look up kid-friendly resort or kid-free resort, and Temptations is the name of the resort? Yeah.

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Sandals is kid-free. Temptations is full of dicks. It's dick plus. It's either kid-free or dick plus. You figure out which one you want to go to.

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Bachelor party.

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I've got an idea.

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Chrissy alerted me. I can't believe I didn't get this on my notifications as I'm paying close attention to the Fyre Fest, too, as it falls all apart in so many different ways. But Billy has found yet another dipshit to hang on to his ideas as he has sold the Fyre Fest IP. Whatever that means.

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Yeah, I can only imagine what kind of bachelor and bachelorette parties are there.

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Who's not aware of the swinging lifestyle, dude? Okay. I get it. You're not like, this isn't your full-time job to do, to do this kind of stuff, but that's okay.

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Lifestyle takeover! Lifestyle takeover! Hashtag 2025. Is this a jam cruise? Why is your dick out, dude? I came to see Smash Mouth and all I'm seeing is a bunch of squishy penises. Where's Smash Mouth? Third eye blind. I was told that is a third eye. That is a third eye. I do see that. I see how I got confused on this one.

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33 penis at Temptations Resort. I was just thinking the same thing. Maybe I can get the guys back together.

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Although they've all sworn me off. I can't even get a return phone call anymore.

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You wonder why.

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So, length. When it comes to the cruise... Length. Let's talk about... Which length are we talking about? Well, we're going right into it. Look, on the bottom.

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The very bottom of the screen, in tiny print, it says length.

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I wonder if this is more of a review. It's less of a review and more of an aliens came down to Earth and wanted to know what a cruise is. Exactly.

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I got turned over a couple times, Chrissy. Oh, stop it. You meet someone and they leave the next day. I'm pretty sure if you go to one of these places, you're not looking for a long-term relationship. If someone leaves the next day, you're just assuming that's part of the game, right? Something else to take into consideration. We got to do a podcast, I think.

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Whatever that means. I don't even... How could... What? What is the Fyre Fest IP? A literal, like, flame that someone drew on Fiverr? The name Fire is spelled weirdly. Fire. The Fire Fest has sold to a guy named Daniel Roush. Roush? Roush?

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We have a lot of ideas about where to go, like the Juggalos or Jazz Fest or Coachella or whatever.

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What's that? A ride in a Waymo. That's right. Or the Braves Stadium, which will never let us in, but we can just pretend like we're official. But I think really where the rubber meets the road for us, where the juice is worth the squeeze, so to speak. Would be the Temptations Cruise. Not as participants, but as observers.

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Live from Temptation Cruise. And then take us to the resort. Can you drop us off at the resort? I'm sure we'll be sick of the smell of semen by that point. But we can get on to the resort and give an actual review without all the details. Like on a cruise, you get on with everybody and you leave with everybody.

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Yes. Okay. So the next chapter is called size, length, and size. You gotta be kidding me. They named the chapters.

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Length and size.

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He's got a little smirk on his face. He knows.

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Wow, that's a lot of people looking to get hammered in more ways than one.

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Next time I go on a Disney cruise, I'm going to look for a pineapple on the door. You know a lot of people stick stickers on the door, Mickey stickers, Donald stickers, you know, princess stickers, whatever. I bet there's some cheeky motherfuckers out there who have like a little pineapple sticker somewhere. Oh, you've got to look for that. Even on a Disney cruise, yeah.

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If I'm into that kind of thing, I probably am feeling like a smaller group of people that I could get to know easier is better. 3,500, 3,000 seems like a lot of people. It's very overwhelming. Yeah, I'm overwhelmed with all the... Dick's coming in my direction.

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There's more options. You've got more options. If you don't like somebody on the cruise. Yeah, plus it's 40 to 50 with people on each side. Yeah. So, you know.

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Craig Croush or something? Roush. And the guy Chris Hansen from To Catch a Predator started a true crime streaming channel, streaming service, that is essentially an app that you can get anyone in the United States of America that knows anything about applications to build you, probably for a song and a dance, like $100. I mean, these things, they come out of the box now.

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Yes. Well, this is just like the sex club that I went to. What's that? Yes. Yes. They have different rooms and those rooms have different themes. Like when I went to the sex party, I told you there was a room with multiple mattresses in it and it was just a lot of people getting dicked down.

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A lot of a lot of guy on girl action with some observers doing whatever they were doing. But then there was like a themed room with bondage and there was another themed room with toys. Right? Now, here's what I'm wondering. Cool. Can we have, like, some kind of alert system as to which cruise ships were used for this right before I decided to get on my regular cruise?

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Like, you know, the Oasis of the Seas, which is one of those huge Royal Caribbean ships that are very nice and have malls in them and, you know, multiple floors of retail and shopping and restaurants and all that. I'm going to want to know ahead of time if there was... if my restaurant was just used as... A jizz factory. You know what I'm saying?

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foreign objects oh yeah the yellow yeah yellow alert or brown alert brown town brown town pool one brown town pool run yeah you this is why i i do not like hot tubs under any circumstances that have been used by anybody else except for maybe a private hot tub at like a friend's house or something like that but now it's got me thinking about the pools I mean, come on.

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I just hope to God that there is some kind of procedure after these. I don't mind the parties. Go have the parties. It sounds like a lot of fun if you're into that type of thing.

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It sounds like there's not a lot of places where this can happen. You don't go to a Ruby Tuesdays on a Tuesday and see a dick down room. You just don't, right? Also, you just don't go to Ruby Tuesdays. Yeah, you just don't go to them. I don't even think they exist anymore. Oh, I got to tell you about mix, but I'll tell you about that next episode.

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But, you know, like, we just got to have some kind of procedure for de-lousing after this whole thing goes down.

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Because if there's a... I hate pee. I hate poop. I really hate vomit. But if there's something above that in my mind, it's some other dude's jizz. It's really my own jizz, but then right above that is some other dude's jizz. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes. And all that stuff mixed together. We've all...

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We've all had a friend who's been at our house and then you walk into the room and you're like, shit, it smells like jizz in here. You know they were fucking, you know what I'm saying? Let's be adults about it. There is a distinct smell to sex. And you know it when you smell it and it's not your own. And you know it when you smell it and it is your own. Yeah.

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So if we're going to have these kind of lifestyle takeovers, can we also have like a cleaning party too? Yeah, extra deep. Extra deep, clean, pun intended. All right, let's take a break and we'll get back to more of this, I don't know, telling us about how cruise ships work, I guess.

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That's right.

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You come out of the box, you connect it with the content, people download it, and then you just... This is like SimCole FM. Yeah. Simcoe FM bought a program. At the time, it was pretty expensive. It was like $4,500. We bought a program. We loaded it with all this music and content that we had created, and then it would just run on a schedule. We'd put it on a schedule.

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All right, we're back with the Dick and Cruz. But real quick, I just wanted to mention that Danny Ricker is going to be – was on Chimmy Kimmel on Wednesday, so two days ago, essentially. So go watch that appearance. Danny was great. We got a lot of great feedback about that. Maybe more feedback than we've had on most –

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interviews on Danny Ricker, who is not the most famous guy we've ever had on the show. I mean, I think he would readily admit that, too. But he wrote a book. It's called Wow, You Look Terrible. It's available now on sale. Links in the show notes, all that. So I was telling Danny, congratulations on your upcoming appearance. This was a couple of days ago.

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And he's going to be on the show with Ben Affleck, who obviously is one of the most famous people in the world. His new movie, The Accountant, too, is getting great reviews. And so I actually was one of the only human beings in history that saw the movie Surviving Christmas with Ben Affleck.

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In the theater?

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I couldn't make it through the entire movie. So I told Danny to tell Ben that he owes me $20 refund for Surviving Christmas. I shouldn't be hard to find, because I was probably the only one who actually saw it in the movie theater.

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No. It was not good. I think we left about 57 minutes, 47 minutes into the movie. And I've walked out of many movies, but this one I just had to walk out of. God bless you, Ben. You've made a lot of my favorite movies. Like, well, okay, whatever. I don't want to get a whole Ben Affleck conversation. We'll do that next week. Okay. All right. Back to Temptations, Cruises and Resorts.

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We're hearing a review. So far, they haven't reviewed much, but okay, we'll see. We'll give it a few more minutes here.

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Oh, I like a quiet pool.

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I like how all this footage looks like it's hidden camera footage. They're showing little tiny clips of places where there's no other human being in sight and it looks literally like they hid a camera in their hat or something. It's that kind of footage. Probably because they have an absolutely no filming rule on the cruise and the resort.

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No running. No running. No jumping.

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Yeah, but where does the fucking happen? That's what I want to know. You're giving a review about a cruise ship. Who cares? Yeah.

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I don't care about where the pools are located. You're telling us about the location of hot tubs. I'll realize when I get there, they give me a map. It's okay. Or I have Google just like every other person does. Come on, dude. You got to give us the juicy stuff. Like, you know, if you're looking for rough sex, then, you know, the cruise is the better. Head to this area. Yeah.

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It would run on a server out there in the universe, and people would connect to it, and they'd hook up. It's very simple technology, comparatively speaking, in 2025. So they have essentially...

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Head to the dueling piano bar. Yeah. You can get it from both. Double penetration at the Dooling Piano Bar. Yes.

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I didn't know you had to buy extra access. What is this, Disney World? A lightning lane pass to get...

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You got to give us some more details here, bud. This is, you're not, there's no details here.

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The beach resort's on the beach. There's a beach at the beach resort. Congratulations. Oh, and there's yacht parking there. Can you imagine you pull up, you're like yachting around the world and you pull up to Temptations?

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gotten some developer in bangladesh to build them a streaming application that's true crime network where they run chris hansen's new to catch a predator which is the old to catch a predator just without the professional cameras or a major network uh and you pay $3.99 a month for it and they've bought billy's ip and they are starting a brand new streaming music service called firey

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Let's go. Okay, here we go.

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Was a quiet place.

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Yes. Well, if I'm getting naked, I'm also being quiet, hoping no one notices what's going on down below. If I'm taking off my clothes, everyone's shutting up. They're all going, oh, oh. Let's go to the promenade. I think things have taken a turn for the worst, Barry. Get your towel, darling. We're going to the promenade.

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Okay. Restaurants, buffets, I understand. Yes. Okay. Men, women, everybody, you want to have a shirt on so you don't get boob sweat, flop sweat. And pants. You don't want to get nut sweat in the potato salad.

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But if you're walking down the hallway at Temptations.

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And you just got back from the pool where everyone was naked, half naked at least. Why does it matter if there's a pair of tits walking down the thing? They're just tits. Let them fly. Who cares? But I agree. When it comes to food, around food, sanitation. But even at the bar, like if you're not serving any food and you're just at the bar, I don't care if someone's nude. Or nude. Ooh.

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I'll tell you, the sex party that I went to, there was no part of the party where clothing was not optional. Do you know what I'm saying?

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Absolutely.

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when we work together. Doesn't he, a little bit? Yeah, he does. He does. It's always the unassuming ones. Uh-huh. Yep.

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No, you only have five nights on the cruise. You have seven nights a week at the resort. So in just mathematically speaking, you're actually able to be more creative with the seven nights than the five nights. So it doesn't make much sense to me, but okay.

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It's only one week. A year. Twice a year. Well, they haven't even had the first November cruise yet. That only happens here in 2025, according to them. So, yeah, that mathematically doesn't make sense. But, okay.

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I do care about my food. I got a carb load before I.

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And for $3.99 in the worst economy in almost 30 years.

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They're very different. They both have buffets.

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Like New Orleans style? Yeah, New Orleans, Mexican night, Japanese cuisine, Chinese cuisine, edible underwear cuisine. Yes.

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Cruises are a bit more accommodating for dietary restrictions. However, there are options at both places if you do have restrictions.

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Okay, great. I'm lactose intolerant.

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Yeah, you dress up in a tux with chapless pants and you walk in, you sit down.

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And by the way, he's saying the cruise has more elevated type food. And then they are showing a hockey puck of a steak with one potato, waxy green beans and old carrots. Elevated in what way? Like you're up on, like actually...

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You'll have the ability to see music on demand. And then you'll also have the ability. No one's done that before. No one's done that before. Spotify, Pandora. What was that title that Jay-Z was involved in? Puffy and Jay-Z. Yeah, that's still going on. Yeah, it's still going on.

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And also at the resort, since you're able to... This is like the worst review for the sexiest thing. You're reviewing a swingers club and an adult sex cruise and an adult sex resort. If you're doing that, you have got to make it interesting. So far, we've heard... about what a cruise is. We already knew what a cruise was. Welcome to Earth. People know what cruises are.

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All right, I'm done with this. You guys have bored me. I'm sorry. You've bored the commercial break. That's hard to do.

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Because we need content. It's okay. I'm sure you mean well.

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No, you should have planned this out a little bit better. You should have talked about the sex room. You should have talked about your own experiences. Like, hey, we went into the playroom. We met this guy. He tickled my taint. I felt really good about it. Then there was a couple other people whacking each other off in the corner. It was interesting, and that's the kind of thing you can expect.

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Or we played some sex games on the promenade on Tuesday night. That was a lot of fun.

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Someone fell overboard, put themselves on a balcony. I mean, something. Like, you got to give us the juicy details. Don't tell us about what cruise dining is like. We already know what cruise dining is like. Even people who haven't been on a cruise. Like me. Yes. The love boat was on for 17 seasons. We know everybody goes and eats at the same dining room every night. Okay, we got it. 10-4.

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We've all been to an all-inclusive resort or heard about them. Yes. We know there are restaurants you eat at, plenty of them. That's how it works. Okay, well, you're going to have to sharpen up your travel reviews here, guys, if you're going to grow that channel. But God bless you. Certainly no knock on the lifestyle, just a knock on general content.

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Says everybody who ever watched the commercial break. Hey, guys, you got to make it more interesting. Yeah. Okay. Well, we're throwing stones in a glass house, but what can you do? All right, a couple things I want to remind you of. America's next best mediocre podcaster, top comedy podcaster is on.

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But the amazing part about this is, and this is where, really, where I think this kind of breaks the mold, the part where I get interested in what a leap forward in technology Billy and his partners have created. You'll have the ability to upvote or downvote the music. Putting the upvote, and if you upvote enough, then that music will be showcased more. It's called analytics. Whabam! Whabam!

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So if you think you got what it takes to be the next top comedy, mediocre comedy podcaster, hit us up. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. Tell us you're interested in joining the competition. Tell us why. A little bit. Just give us a little bit. A couple paragraphs. That's it. I can't read too much. And then, yeah, we're going to work on getting that together.

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But your expectations are low.

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If your goals are high, but your work ethic is low, send that to us. May 31st, the 12 hours of TCB, celebrating five years of the commercial break, mental health awareness. Tune in starting at 10 a.m. TCBpodcast.com. all the audio and the video, youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak and at thecommercialbreak on Instagram. Go check out Danny Ricker on Jimmy Come Alive.

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Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now. I think so.

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Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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It's like Instagram. Whabam! Just much worse.

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This is TRL. Yes, in app form. No 1-800 number to call here. No texting. No data rates may apply. This is just $3.99 a month. You get the privilege of putting that right in Billy's pocket. For what reason, I don't know. And I can promise you that what they will do is they will junk up that application by getting a bunch of bots to download it to make it look like there's millions of people on it.

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This is done pretty often in the app world, in case you didn't know, in all the worlds of apps. streaming and everything is that you get a bunch of bots to essentially attack the app, to pull it down, to use it. Even Facebook and Instagram have both been accused by insiders of doing this. And I don't doubt it for one second. Clubhouse, all these places.

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They get fake users, and then they open up the accounts, and then they get bots to then transact on those accounts to make it look like there's engagement. And then you get some larger company to come in and buy it, and what happens is the larger company realizes there was no traffic in the first place.

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Yeah, we just took a $300 million bath, but they never say anything about it because they don't want to look like idiots to their investors. So this happens all the time. Very rarely are you the commercial break-level success where over 15 people are actually downloading you at the same time. This is like... This is pretty well-worn territory. It's NFT-level scamming is what this is.

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And what surprised me, quite frankly, is that Billy hasn't had his own NFT. Why FireFest 2 wasn't transacted on the blockchain, he really missed an opportunity to scam a lot more money out of people by not making this into an NFT. Bitcoin. Bitcoin. And the NFTs, they're on fire now. They're seeing their way back into our consciousness. I saw over 12 transactions happened yesterday on

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Open sea, the NFT open marketplace. I went and looked at NFTs.

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Yeah, after we were talking about it. I said, okay, I got, you know, and I was really, I was thinking about Fyre Fest. And I'm like, why didn't they get into the NFT game? Maybe even they know that the NFT, maybe even Billy understands that the NFT game is too scammy for him.

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And I went and looked and there are transactions that are happening on that blockchain, mostly around baseball cards and Pokemon cards. So I guess the new thing to do is the collectible.

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It was always a collectible. Now you just pay extra because you're using the blockchain to transact it. But there's a company out there who seems like it's doing pretty well transacting really rare baseball cards and Pokemon cards on the blockchain. And then I guess you get to take, I would hope that you get to take physical hold of it. So essentially, when you think about it,

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all nfts have become is another paypal that's it that's all it is it's just another way to send money from one person to another with maybe a little more privacy but not really privacy and all of those nfts like board apes and stuff like that they're just not transacting at any volume they're still expensive but they're not transacting at any volume i saw one board ape out there for like 63 000 us dollars wow

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And you can bid on stuff. And so there are people that are bidding well below that, like in the 30s and 40s of thousands of dollars. Those things were transacting at millions of dollars at one point.

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Showing it on your phone. Yeah, you show it on your phone. Look at me. I got a... Drawing of a monkey on my phone. But then that can get you into certain exclusive parties and places. There's like a Bored Ape Yacht Club, I believe. I think there's actually a place where you can go. Bored Ape Cruise? Yeah, a Bored Ape Cruise. Why not? I'd like to see that cruise. Deodorant, please.

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Nah, if you're into NFTs, you already got enough trouble. I don't want to beat up on you. You already lost enough money. I don't want to beat up on you. I did see a story on Instagram, and I don't know if it's true or not, but it makes for interesting conversation about a guy in his late 20s who 12 years ago, so he was a teenager, bought Bitcoin. and forgot about the Bitcoin.

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How anybody would forget that they bought Bitcoin in 2025, I don't know. So this is what makes me think, I don't know if this story is true. But he bought like 387 Bitcoin back then. And now he just opened up his wallet over the last couple of days. So if you bought 387,000 Bitcoin, you'd be a millionaire a couple of times over now. And you probably bought it for... I don't know, $600?

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Less than that. Yeah, much less than that, $600. Actually, we have a friend, or we have a family friend, I think I've spoken about this before, who was an absolute degenerate. I mean, an absolute degenerate from the moment that we met him. But we liked him because we were degenerates too. So all the degenerates kind of hung out with each other.

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But he was like even more degenerate-y, if you know what I mean. He was like a couple levels below. Like even deodorant, please, would be the right way to put it. Like he was just one of those kids. And I don't think his parents cared about him all that much. So we always kind of felt for him. It was like a special place in our heart.

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But you never got that close to him because you didn't know exactly what he was up to. Right. He made millions and millions and millions of dollars on Bitcoin. He got in on early. He thought this was the best thing in the world. He kept telling people around. Now, I didn't know him at this time, but one of my brothers did. And he kept telling everybody, you got to buy into this Bitcoin.

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It's going to be huge. It's going to be huge. And everybody ignored him because he was a degenerate of epic proportions. He was like a class A degenerate. He was the kind of guy.

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Yeah. What does this guy know? He's probably got bodies in the back of his, you know, buried somewhere in his house. Like what's going on with this guy? Why? What's Bitcoin? What's that? Who cares? And he made millions and millions and millions of dollars, multiple houses around the world, living high on the hog in Northern California right now has like a started a weed, like a legal weed business.

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He was in the illegal weed business and then he went legal with the weed business. And he just does that for fun. And he is retired forever. And he is 10 years younger than I am. And so, yeah.

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It can happen. It just doesn't happen to me. I don't know where I fell off the turnip truck. But if an investment looks good to me, you should run away from it. If Brian says here's a business opportunity I think is really going to work out, you should probably go the opposite direction and you too will be a millionaire.

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Buy high, sell low. Look at this piece of real estate. Everything else around it is selling for $100,000. This one's selling for a million. There must be something special about that property. Yep, it's got a stream in the back. And there's water, so you can't put a – there's water under the ground, so you can't put a foundation there.

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So you've got to spend an extra $300,000 to put poles in the ground. And oops, let's hire the cheap company because they're really good at what they do. And now those poles broke, so let's do it again. It's going to sell for $6 million and the real estate agent says $600,000. And he said, meet you in the middle. And she says, $600,000. And you say, okay, $600,000. Let's be optimistic.

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We'll only lose a million dollars on this. And then she says, best and final offer, $326,000. And then you say, get rid of that real estate agent. So the next real estate agent comes in. He says, yeah, we'll sell it for $8 million. Best and final, $237,000 from the same guy who offered you $326,000. Yep. I guess we'll have to take that. That's how Brian's crash course in real estate.

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Yeah, we're just talking about how real estate is like the... Yes, we were. If you think NFTs is the scamiest business out there, try real estate for a living. There are certainly lots of well-heeled developers and people in real estate that do very well and they build homes for people and... People seem happy about it, but it's just like such a tough... People seem happy.

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But is anybody really happy about having $500, $600, $1 million in debt to the bank? I mean, I don't know. Anyway, whatever. It's just like the biggest scam ever on Earth, that let's take something that is really just part of Earth, and then let's put a value on it, and then we'll give it to the bank, and then they can lean on it so they have your balls in a sack for the rest of your life.

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I mean, it's just... And then every step of the way, everyone's getting everybody else with a bunch of money, except for Brian. Except for Brian. Except for Brian.

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I should have become a coach. I should have. But even I knew that was like where the real scammy people go. You know, I was listening to one of the biggest con artists in the game, my opinion, Grant Cardone. Did you know Grant Cardone is?

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Yeah, 10x. So let me tell you a little story about Grant Cardone. Now, I don't know Grant personally. I was in a few clubhouse rooms with him. I talked with him briefly for a couple of minutes, but I've never really been on board with Grant Cardone. And there's a lot of people who have sued Grant Cardone. I don't know all the ins and outs of that.

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Where'd you get those shoes? Easy. They're from DSW. Because DSW has the exact right shoes for whatever you're into right now. You know, like the sneakers that make office hours feel like happy hour. The boots that turn grocery aisles into runways. And all the styles that show off the many sides of you, from daydreamer to multitasker and everything in between.

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Well, they've been doing that for thousands of years, right?

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Yeah, listen. Absolutely. Absolutely. It's been shenanigans going on for years and the Democrats are just as guilty as anybody. They're all in cahoots. They're all doing it. You think they go sit up there and work together because they really enjoy doing the work of the people? Sure. I'm sure a few of them do. True servants of this country. Yes. The John McCain's of the world and stuff like that.

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The people who give a fucking shit. But there's this whole other side of life. where you can be fabulously rich if we could just pull a few strings here and push a few buttons there and insider trading 101 here, let me give you that class. I'm sure they'd get that the second they become a senator or whatever. And then...

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We all are here voting them in term after term after term after term after term. And they're making the laws that push the buttons and make the power and make themselves more rich. And now it's out in the open. There's no more hiding anymore. It's out in the open. And all of them are guilty of it or most of them are guilty of it.

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And we are all going to suffer because already we have, you know, whatever. I know. I know.

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No, I honestly, honestly, I just had to say something. I just like my top just popped. I haven't watched news in first in forever. I know. But when I started reading about Melania coin and then I got fall and then I'm following people I never followed. I just it just made me incensed. It really did. It made me incensed. And so next week, we're going to have a very special guest come on the show.

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And for one day, you guys are going to have to suffer through talk about politics. Do you hear me? The break is over. The break is over. The commercial break has broken. You've done broke the commercial break. How do you feel about that, Mark Zuckerberg? Fuck you. We'll be back.

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Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, this is the Teresa to my Frankie, Kristen Joy Holdley. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. We're all back in studio after a fart of snow here in Atlanta. Took the entire town down for three solid days.

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All right, and we're back. Brian had to take a couple of minutes, go outside, spin around three times, take a deep breath. Look at my children. Say, everything's going to be all right, Brian. Everything's going to be all right. You know, back in the day, now I think because of the Internet and media and the way that we have to get involved. Back in the day.

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Yeah, but what would you say, like a total of two inches?

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Back in the day... Did you mean TMZ? No, I meant TMT.

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I don't know, but I just made it up. But, I mean, I don't know who Grandma is or who the corner grocery store is either. I was going somewhere in my mind.

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I had to stop. Because I didn't want to completely derail the show, as I'm doing right now. So Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous was probably our first rich porn. Right. I remember growing up with it. The 80s were kind of like it is today. Money and greed above all else. Yes, everyone's screwing everybody else. As long as I got mine, greed is good.

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And that was literally the vibe for some period of the 80s. And people were doing very well. There was a lot of money flowing around. Ball Street was really taking off as a place where you could make your money. And there were a lot of people, that money, that kind of that hedge fund money, savings and loan money, it filtered down and everyone felt good.

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Yeah?

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It's amazing.

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They had an attitude and they too could be rich someday if they just got this real estate course from the late night TV.

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Like Brian did. Like Brian got his dad to pay for it. But I would say that Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, the show that aired from about 84 to 95, starring Robin Leach, produced by Robin Leach, was our first rich porn where we were really gawking at people who had fabulous amounts of money and hoping that's beyond hope.

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Yeah, I saw the pictures. Lots of traffic jams yet again. Happened yet again. The city still can't get it right. But I mean, you know, these meteorologists, they tell you it's going to happen late in the afternoon or in the evening. So everyone figures, OK, let's go to work. Let's go to school. Let's do the things. The truckers are driving through Atlanta. Everyone's having a good time.

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You were getting an inside look at what it was like to fly a private plane or be inside of a mansion. Yeah. It wasn't Instagram wasn't showing this to us every other reel as some dipshit, you know, some 13 year old in Colorado paid $100 to a pilot of a private plane to make it pretend and seem like he had a Learjet. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes. We didn't have all of this.

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That's all the way I can say it. Money porn that goes around today. And so that, but that show was fascinating. It was. It got me just like it got everybody else. And I was very young when this first came on, but I remember it for a good chunk of my adolescence. Me too. And I loved it. I loved it when it came on.

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The story is that Robin Leach had this idea to do this television show to showcase some of his friends' fabulous wealth, but no one would bite. There was no company that would bite. So Robin paid to have these shows produced at first on his own. And then I think he continued to do that and he would syndicate it on whatever television show.

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It was all over the place. You would see it in the mornings. You would see it in the afternoons. It'd be on late night television. It ran a lot. And there were many episodes, I think. I think they ended up doing like 180 episodes or something.

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So I thought, after my little, you know, diatribe on segment number one, that it was only fair to, I think, go back to the beginning when we all started looking at these rich people as status icons, so to speak. Let's look at some rich porn from 1980s, kids. We're going all the way back. I was trolling on the internet. As you do. As I oftentimes do. And guess what I found?

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Oh, look at that. Sexy fashion models, large pools, breasts of breasting.

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Oh, helicopters. I love helicopters. Nothing like a helicopter shot to get your morning wood going. That is the Breakers Resort in Miami, by the way. I know that because I one time saw a picture of it.

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Oh. It's like a Model T. Yeah, we're watching the intro. And by the way, this is like season number one or two or something. So this is one of the older episodes. Model T. It is.

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What a fun job. And I think he was kind of like a nobody television producer before that. I don't know. One time I saw a documentary about Robin Leach, but they don't show those anymore because I don't think, you know, he didn't really live on and people of our age know about him. But it's not like Robin Leach went on to be super famous. He did this show and that's what he was known for.

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And then, of course, these fucking nudniks can't get it right. I mean, I'd love that weather, guys. I know that they have a hard job and I understand that weather is really hard to predict. But they got it wrong again by like four hours. So, of course, it starts snowing at 10 a.m., not 5 p.m. And everybody gets stuck out there on the fucking roads.

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And he hosted a couple of other things. I think he did a game show. So this guy pretty much glommed on to everybody else that was rich. He would just visit their house and take a camera.

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MTV Cribs.

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Yeah, it was like Cribs before Cribs.

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Lifestyles before lifestyles. Utah trad wife before Utah trad wife.

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Debbie Gibson on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. Now, my ears are perked. Yes.

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Wow. Merv Griffin made every game show you ever watched. Yeah, that still is around. Yeah, that's still around. That's Jeopardy, right? Wheel of Fortune. Wheel of Fortune, yeah.

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Merv the Perv. That's what they used to call him back in the day. This is 1984 and he looks 90 there. I know. And didn't he live until like just a couple years ago? I think so. I think so. He was like 107 when he died. People, again, they just looked older back then. They did.

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Wow, first of all, what I have to remember about these television shows from the 80s and 90s is they had extraordinarily long intros. We're already seven minutes into the show and we haven't seen one bit of content.

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They're killing each other out there trying to drive in ice and snow in a town that's ill-prepared for any event whatsoever. And so there you go.

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Yeah, by the way, John Tash is one of the most successful musicians that ever lived. And that's a fact that befuddles me to this day. Really? He sold like 180 million albums or something. It's insane.

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How much stuff can you fit into an hour-long television show?

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She also found time to be a normal person, walking into stores with cameras all around her.

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It's kind of like the equivalent of... What amazes me is that there's people on the streets. Debbie. And now she's juggling. Debbie, that's one of the dumber things I've heard said. There were people on the streets. I know, now she's juggling. Well, she's got talent. Debbie Gibson, by far, was my favorite teen pop star chick, for sure.

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Well, that's true. That's a different animal altogether.

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Yes. Who was the other one? Tiffany. There was Tiffany and Debbie, and the argument between the two, I would go Debbie all day week. Debbie, Debbie, Debbie.

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They don't even snow plows. They don't even have long sleeve shirts.

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I love that blossom hat, by the way, she's got on. So 1984.

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Yeah.

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Look at that laptop computer back there. That is highfalutin for 1984. Yeah, it was. You do not find a laptop. I promise you, that had the memory, the same kind of memory as Christina's computer. It was like 1.2K.

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I'm getting her a new one. Stop texting me. I hear you already. I can hear you pounding away on that keyboard.

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Whoa, she wrote a thousand songs? And what's Blimey Limey? I don't know. I don't know either. I think I was post Blimey Limey. You have to be a real Debbie Gibson fan to know what Blimey Limey is.

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I just saw that Amelia Island, one of my favorite places, got a good more than a dusting of snow. And that's like the first time in 30 years that that's happened. I mean, it has to be really fucking it has to be a really weird event for snow to happen in Florida. Yeah. which is usually never below freezing there.

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Show me the actual yachts and the shit. I don't want to hear about your recording. I don't care.

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Reprising. Reprising. Get it together, Robin.

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So I remember this being a show that showed you all the glitz and glamour. And what this really is, is one big promotional tool for her off-Broadway show, Grease. What's that? Nah, we'll keep on rolling with it. Why not? Hey, listen, this episode couldn't get any worse than my grandstanding in segment one, so... To be a part of that, it's just... It's like being a part of history.

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People do love that Grease. Do you like Grease?

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Do you like Grease? Oh, yeah. Jeez. Something wrong with you people. Rocks in your socks or something.

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Did he say 20,000 square foot house? 20,000 square foot house? I think so. That's 32 of these houses. Square foot home.

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Because you do it all in really great shoes. Find a shoe for every you at your DSW store or DSW.com.

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This is one big fluff piece. Speaking of PR.

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This is how Robin got himself invited to all these places, because everybody knew he was just going to do one big jack-me-off session.

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Look at any Instagram of any influencer. And it seems like everything's going swimmingly for them. Oh yeah.

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All right, good for you. Next. Okay, move on to the next one. You showed one shot of her house. That's not the lifestyle of the rich and famous. That's Debbie buy tickets here. Shame on you, Robin. I remember this show being much better. I remember this.

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I mean, I can't think of a time when I've been down in Florida, and I've spent a lot of time there, when it's actually been below 32 degrees. Maybe one night during the winter. Maybe. But then they got snow. That's crazy. And the crazier part is, I am literally... four miles from three inches of snow. Do you know what I'm saying? I am four miles from three inches of snow.

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Beaver Dam Farms. Huh. I think that went out of business. Yeah. I don't know what Beaver Dam Farms is. North Georgia? Do you see it? Is it still there, Christina? I mean, clearly, there's like a multi-million dollar house sitting there. Hold up, hold up, hold up.

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All right. Well. I don't know. Didn't all work out.

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Wow, that is $3.5 million for how many acres? Man, I wish I said. 900 plus. I only would have known as a six-year-old boy watching this episode. It does look beautiful.

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They're money pits.

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It's like a resort. Oh, no. You can go and stay there. Yeah, and there's a number of people here in Georgia, and I knew one. Guy's name was Harrison. He was a lovely real estate developer, and he had this dream. One last hurrah. He helped develop Sun City West out in Phoenix, okay? So he's like a true real estate developer. Who knows what the fuck he's doing? Master Plan Communities.

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And he bought a bunch of land down south of the airport to do this huge resort with houses and restaurants and hotels and blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, 17 square miles or whatever. He's going to make his own city, his own Disney World. He's going to have rides and all this other... Here? Yes, here.

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And this guy couldn't... He couldn't get two nickels to rub together to make this happen because everyone's like, you're dumb. Who the fuck is going to come out here to go to your resort when there's... Nothing to do here. There's nothing to do. Who's going to be the first one to come down here? And essentially he was.

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He built his own house there and he was lonely because he was the only guy living down there. But now I remember why there's a commercial inside of this. Go ahead.

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A land corporation. Yeah, meaning the hedge fund who then bought this for $3.5 million. The reason why there's a commercial inside of this is because he was funding this all himself. So he would embed commercials into the show. Smart. Smart thinking, Lincoln.

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But I guess that's how the weather works. Why are we talking about the weather again on this show? I feel like we're one step away from the weather.com.

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It is huge. Now, this is Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. This was owned by Kenny Rogers. Owned and built by Kenny. And just a few short steps away, Chrissy.

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Gymnasium and bar. Look at that. There is like a cheers-sized bar in that guest house. In the guest house, yeah.

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He's doing some golfing.

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Wow. Okay, this is Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. The guy's got an infinity pool, an 18-hole golf course, the world's largest horse barn, all right there in the luxury of his own backyard. That's what I'm talking about. Kenny Rogers is rich. Debbie Gibson is paying the mortgage.

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Playing hooky. And a helicopter landing on your backyard.

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$13 million. That was a deal back then. Right. In 1984, that's probably the equivalent of 1 million Melania coins. Okay, we're going to check out Merv Griffin's riverboat.

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It was a big event. It was a big event. It took us all down. And the reason why it's a big event is because then I have to deal with my children three days in a row. Fucking stir crazy and absolutely nothing to show for it. Like we say it's a snow day and they fully expect they're going to be out there making snowballs and there's nothing. And it was just too cold to go outside.

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Steamboat. Gambling boat. Merv Griffin was into a lot of shit, huh? He's probably into S&M, too. But that's just my interpretation. No offense to the Griffin family.

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If you want me to host one of your – if Ryan Seacrest should keel over at any point, you need me to do that Wheel of Fortune gig, I think I could do that. I was telling my son, who loves the Wheel of Fortune, I said, son, I could be the host of the Wheel of Fortune. And he said, I think I like Ryan better. That's what he said.

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Well, that's just the first in a long line of disappointing things you'll say to me, son. And this is one of them. We'll be back.

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All right, and we're back with the lifestyles of the rich and famous. We just saw Kenny Rogers trying to unload his amazing resort.

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Too lazy to bundle them up. So I said, hey, make the best of it. Drive yourselves bananas.

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I mean, $13 million.

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It was huge. What'd they say? They said it was like 900 acres or something.

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900 acres in between Atlanta and Athens. That has got to be worth some money now. Some hedge fund made a killing on that. All right, let's see what Merv Griffin is up to. He's the guy who started all the game shows you love.

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He does look like a jolly old man, doesn't he?

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I live by the philosophy that there's two young men, two young chiseled stone cutters.

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We did. We got in the studio together. We managed to have some. And thank you so much to Astrid. I mean, literally, I'm just like, okay, you're on. Like, what are you talking about?

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Yeah, I would say of all the things your financial advisor would tell you to get involved in, riverboat gambling, probably not one of them.

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Oh, yeah, no question about it. It took off. Thing of the 90s. All I can remember about the 90s was riverboat gambling.

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Yes. Now I see just how fragile my young mind was. I always felt like the Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous was a fun show.

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This is an early episode. It's season one or season two. I can't remember which one I pulled. Yeah, this is just one big commercial for Merv Griffin's riverboat and his big gamble on the wave of the future.

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and she hates the microphone i know she does but she does a great job she does uh and so it was a it was a back-to-back it was gustavo on saturday gustavo on saturday yeah astrid on thursday wednesday or thursday well thursday what day is it i don't know well the episode yes the episode is a thursday episode so there you go And another reel about Venezuela going viral out there on the Internet.

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Wait, hold on. It's $18.5 million to buy that riverboat ship and it was only $13 to buy Kenny Rogers? World's largest horse barn facility? I would have bought Kenny Rogers. Yeah.

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I do not care. I really don't. I wonder if they still have that statue there. It's probably a Banksy at this point.

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Close family.

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Oh, yes. Someone pointed out on the internet the other day, they said shit started to go wrong in this world when sexy saxophone stopped being played in music. And he actually put a timeline together of how slowly the sexy saxophone went away from music and slowly things got worse around the world. I think he's on to something here, actually.

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Listen, I used to play the saxophone. Of course. Of course you did. It was one of my first instruments. Of course. Alto saxophone. I was second chair because Russell was first chair. Russell. He was much more talented than I was.

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with the big sir mountains up against me and uh he was living the life oh he was this guy was a billionaire before yeah he wasn't that i don't think he probably would be now a billionaire his his company's got to be worth a billion dollars at least he owns all those rights to all those famous television shows but he's embedding restaurants into the side of a mountain he's got golf courses everywhere he's got vineyards vineyards and he's got bon vivants he's

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He's eating olives with toothpicks. This guy's really into something. I live in the wintertime. He's even got a La Quinta hotel. La Quinta. La Quinta. That's what bon vivants say, Chrissy. La Quinta. I say La Quinta.

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Good. Yeah. I think we're just going to start speaking Spanish on this show.

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I sleep here with many people. I sleep here.

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He's got an island in the Bahamas. I have an island in the Bahamas. Islands in my dreams. I'm very comfortable here.

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That's right. He was like the guest host on the Jack Parr show. Then he did the Merv Griffin show. The whole world passed through that talk show in those 23 years. 23 years? 23 years. He had that show for 23 years.

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I need to take some classes. It's going to be called the Maduran break. That's what we're going to call it from now on. Those Venezuelans are just lovely and they're so loyal. Like once you show affection to them, they will show affection back to you. Unlike our American listeners can't be bothered to click follow on Instagram.

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It was all improvised, and that's what I loved.

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Yeah, that is Don Louise. Don... Or Dom Delouise. Don Delouise. That's right. Isn't he like Gallagher? Didn't he have a twin brother that would go around? I don't know. Dom Delouise. Dom Delouise. Not Don. No, Dom.

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That's how I am ending the commercial break. Remember this moment, girls, because it might come sooner rather than later. When Brian says, we must say, we will say, we won't be right back.

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That are still on. Still on to this day. Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. Still extraordinarily popular.

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They're the two longest running television shows, aren't they? And then The Simpsons or something?

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Oh, I guess The Tonight Show and 60 Minutes and CBS This Morning. And BBC World. Okay, there's a lot of other shows. Sorry, Merv, it didn't work out how you anticipated. In 1986, Coca-Cola made Merv an offer he couldn't refuse.

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He's the kind of billionaire we can fall in love with.

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Yeah. Well, yeah. He's like that old school pedo that, you know, just he's kind of bothersome, but he really didn't do anything bad. And, you know, he just stepped over a few people's heads to get there and ruined a couple of thousand acres of land and stuff like that. But, you know, they were old. You could give them a break. It was a different time. It was a different time.

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Now he owns the Beverly. He owned the Beverly Hills. Now his son does. And his son's probably... Never mind.

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Oh, my God.

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Merv Griffith, unbothered by Donald Trump.

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The shame. Hear for it. Wow. Trump getting shit. Trump being called out early. Four years ago.

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We're in the fold. There's no doubt. Now, we have our naysayers. We have some people who call me kind of like, in Spanish, it would be an idiot. And a dunce. A slow person, if you will. Yes, I'm a dunce. I'm an idioto. But, you know, you got to take the heat when it comes your way. You know, when you're riding a wave, there's a chance it's going to crash.

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Oh, God, God, would that be nice. God bless. Just for one day, I want to wake up and not wonder what's in my bank account. Do you know what I'm saying? Not wonder how I'm going to pay the bill. Not wonder who's going to call me next for money. Not wonder any of this. Or not worry who's going to call me next for money. Not worry about any of that. I just want to be Merv for one day.

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I want to wake up and go, I don't know how much I have in my bank account. Well, that's true. I don't know how much I have in my bank account.

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I do. I do ignore my bank account largely because when there's a minus, when you open up your app, you just kind of forget about the rest of the numbers.

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Wow. Good for Merv. I do think I like Merv very much.

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Merv lived well, and the fact that he beat Trump out for a couple of hotels makes me even more joyous on this day of our Lord, whatever day it is today. Is that important? You have to take that? Okay. I think someone is calling you. They are. Is that who I think it is? Yes. You're kidding me.

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Yeah, she's probably listening to the show going, what are these two fucking morons up to? I won't mention who because she might not want to be on this show. But hey, listen, okay, there's the Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. We may not revisit that one, but, you know, we did it once. That's all I got to say.

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I think we got to go later. Yeah, when it's more like rich porn. Right.

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Yeah, thank you. I appreciate it. And there aren't... Not every episode is out there on the YouTube, on the interwebs. So, yeah, see if we can find one closer to like 1992 or 93. And one of those I might remember. Like this, I don't remember. I was too young for all of this.

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A bovine fool, otherwise known as a bovine.

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There you go. I do love her dearly. I do love her dearly, but I do thank God that you're in this seat six hours a week instead of her. She probably does, too. Oh, yeah. No, definitely. Part of her hates the podcast. The other part likes that I'm occupied with something besides talking to her. Also, Astrid and I talked about this yesterday, about kind of the TikTok and creator economy.

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Some people will text in and they'll say, love the show. If there's anything I can ever do to help, let me know. There is something you can do to help. Share the show. Share it with a friend. Share it with a neighbor. Share it with a boss you don't intend to be employed with for very long. Send it to someone you don't care about. Sharing is caring.

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And if you can share the show, that's the biggest favor in the world you can do. Biggest compliment you can pay us. Also, you can follow us on Instagram at The Commercial Break. We're posting content there now constantly, it seems like. Yeah. At TCB Podcast on TikTok. I do try and post there as frequently as possible. Though TikTok's another scene altogether. And I just don't get it.

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Yeah, I think we have less than 100 followers on TikTok. I'm sure.

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How impressed Roy Wood Jr. must be when he goes to our TikTok and he sees less than 100. Anyway, 212-433-3822. 212-433-3TCB. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. We're taking them all right there. And TCBpodcast.com. All the audio, all the video. YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break. for every episode now available on video. Chrissy, that's all I can do for now.

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I'll say that I love you.

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Best to you.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I do say, we will say, and we must say, goodbye.

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That's right. So we've had a number of reels go viral, and most of them are because I say something about Venezuela.

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But eventually we're going to get backlash. So I figure we stop while we're ahead, but stop all the Venezuelans. So let's just stop while we're at it.

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That's it. And then we'll slowly watch as our Instagram following goes back down again.

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Speaking of Instagram following, I don't know if you had a chance to stop by J.D. Vance's page and follow him recently, but I noticed you were. Just throwing that out there.

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Yeah. Wow. Unbelievable.

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Meta made some changes.

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Yeah, the old Zuckerberg. He's up to no good again. The old Zuck Cuck is what I'm going to call him because he's currently cuck-holding the administration that just got... Listen, vote for Trump. Cool. That's your right. I... I will fight for your right to vote. And I don't care who you vote for. That's the way it works. Sometimes the cookie crumbles your way. Sometimes it does not.

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I'm not here to cry over spilled milk. But I will say that the amazing amount of dick sucking that is going on on behalf of the big technology companies

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uh into trump's directly into trump's zipper is unbelievable it really is very blatant it's blatant it's unbelievable this used to happen behind the scenes when we couldn't know about it therefore we weren't so stressed about it but the fact that zuckerberg or somebody made an actual decision

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that anyone who's not following jd vance or donald trump should be so we're going to go ahead and do that for them is insanity at the highest levels and in a company that is run by insane people meta is for insane people truly people who want to run the world they want to control you and own you and everything about you and it's just insane to me that i wake up in the morning to all this kerfuffle that uh everybody's following jd vance and no one followed jd vance

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And I thought to myself, come on, guys, let's stop crying, right? Let's stop being big babies about this. And then I go and I'm following J.D. Vance. It's un-fucking-believable. I was like, holy shit, it's true.

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Now, I wasn't following DJT. I wasn't following him, but I was following J.D. Vance, J.D.V., not J.D.

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DJT but JDV I was following him and then I noticed that a lot of my friends were following you know it says also followed by and there's just some people who I know would never make that like no one that's correct I know their finger would never press that button yeah and as a rule on our particular like our company account the commercial break the podcast account we don't follow people who don't come on the show and that's just one of those things like it's no offense to anybody it's just like if you come on the show we follow you otherwise we don't

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And that's for our personal accounts. We follow all you plebes on our personal accounts. We can't be seen messing around with the people who have less than 3,000 subscribers because we have more than 3,000 subscribers. According to social media.

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So anyway, I say this not to like make anybody not to sound elitist. I say this because I know for a fact that we would not have followed one of those accounts. And we were. And it was just unbelievable to me. Now, here's what I've also noticed. I've also noticed that we have a thousand or so people following us on threads.

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The Twitter knockoff that, yeah, I like threads too.

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Yes. I also know for a fact that those thousand people did not follow us on threads because we haven't posted anything on fucking threads. How did we get 1,000 followers? It took us four years to get 1,000 followers on the commercial break. How do we magically appear with 1,000? They are auto-subscribing people, auto-following people that follow us on the commercial break account.

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How they make the decision about who that is, I really have no idea. Maybe someone that has a Threads account, then it automatically follows them. But that's just a shitty business practice, I think. Exactly. I don't want to be auto-following people. I just want to follow the... I have made my algorithm into a national treasure.

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Toil and trouble, through blood, sweat, and tears, many long nights of anxiety, I have made my algorithm something to behold. Many, yes, many nipples later, I have my algorithm right in the sweet spot, or as Christina loves me to say, on fleek. Now, I don't want it to be fooled around with by Zuck Zuck, Zuck Cuck, and his friends over there at Meta. And I don't give a shit if he hears this.

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He doesn't because he lives in a plastic bubble. People roll him around on his private yachts or jets or whatever. Right. That just seems like a really boner move to me. Don't do that, dude. Don't do that. Keep your fingers out of the pie. How's that? Don't seem so oblivious. I know.

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I know. Always a part of the pie.

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Blue Sky.

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Blue Sky is good. Blue Sky is good. And there's only like six people over there right now. So you can probably get a following.

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That's only like six people. I have a Blue Sky account. I got a Blue Sky account. I think I got one for the commercial break. Yeah, it's like it's Twitter basically is what it is. But it's, you know, supposedly the better Twitter, like not as ruckus as Twitter has become. Because Twitter's, I mean, Twitter's always been kind of like a rough place to be.

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If you're going to get in those waters, you really got to know what you're doing. I know. You've got to have a very thick skin, and it's been that way long before Elon Musk took over, just to be clear about that. But there was some semblance of reciprocity or, you know, it seemed like there was an even hand somewhere over there at Twitter before Elon owned it. Now?

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Now it's just like it's literally the Wild West. So I don't want to bash on everything that Trump does or Elon does or J.D. does or whatever. I don't care about that part. I'm not going to talk about that part. But I do not care for these billionaires getting so close to the seat of power. And apparently it feels like they're buying the seat of power, feels like they're buying everything.

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into a clear path to do whatever the fuck they want, whenever the fuck they want it. And I do believe that there needs to be some checks in place. I believe in your right to be a billionaire. I really do. I'd love to be one. I'd like to be a billionaire. It'll take another 6,020 episodes of the commercial break before we even get to 100,000 there.

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But just know this, I will also fight for your right to be a billionaire. But there needs to be some. Of course. There needs to be some like just like guardrails. You know what I'm saying? Like, don't be so obviously bending over with your ready to have your bell rung by, you know, everybody in power. It's just so.

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Oh, Chrissy, they had box seats, and I'm sure that those box seats were sold to them by somebody. But don't worry, you can use Melania coin to buy a Melania coin. I was talking to Astrid about this, or the preacher who was up there giving the whole sermon, you know, the sermon that was much ballyhooed online.

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He went right off stage into the backstage area and then announced his own altcoin, too, because, you know. We should all prosper under the Lord or some shit like that.

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The grift is unbelievable.

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The grift is on. Everyone's got their hands in the piggy bank. These meme coins do nothing but just make other people rich. It's just unbelievable. And there's a sucker born every minute, I suppose. I told Astrid, I think we should have a TCB coin. We should have a TCB coin so that we can get in on the action. What are we doing? What are we doing?

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We're sitting around here like idiots working for a living. I know. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Why are we doing that? I don't know, Chrissy. I don't know.

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the trump and melania coins because it just it does not lend legitimacy it bastardizes the whole thing and a meme coin has very little if any utility whatsoever you cannot walk into kroger and spend your melania coin on milk okay you it does not take in anywhere it's simply a vehicle that It's a pump and dump scheme.

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Let's call it like we see it. And all meme coins really are at the end of the day. Some of them have some utility, but really, no, they don't have any utility. And so people who get in at the beginning, who make these, who hold on to a large portion of it, they control the price.

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And when the coin gets released or it gets really high or they pump it, then they dump it and everybody else is left holding the bag, hoping that one more idiot behind them is going to come in willing to buy it at a higher price than they bought it. But people always get left holding the bag. Always. Always.

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And when the people who make the laws, who make sure that people don't get left holding the bag, are in fact holding the bag, what do you do? Nothing. I don't know. I don't know. It's sad to me. It's just sad to me. And there are millions. I was looking the other day, like that Melania coin had $53 billion worth of transactions happen in a 24-hour period. $53 billion. Wow.

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And whose money is that? Buying and selling. Buying and selling. Buying and selling. If I was smart, I would have bought. You know what I'm saying? If I was smart, I would have bought. Maybe I'm just mad because I didn't buy any. Maybe I'm just mad because I didn't make any money on Melania coin. I'm just jealous. Where's the Biden coin? I'm waiting for it. I'm waiting for it.

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I'm waiting for the Joe coin. That's Joe coin. I'm waiting for Joe coin to drop. I don't know. There's gotta be a, you know, Kamala Kamala coin by the Kamala coin. It's all coming. They're all going to go the same way. It's all happening. I'm telling you, I see this coming down the tracks.

The Commercial Break

She's A Bon Vivant!

999.508

The liberals protest right now, but they're soon going to be willing to get into bed also with the billionaires and the oligarchs to make themselves personally enriched. And none of us are going to have representation anywhere. Be careful what you ask for. It will appear.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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We were toddlers. It's like you start off walking through the jungle and you're scared of everything. You have no idea what's going on. Everything looks scary, dangerous, big.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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Yeah, putting everything in your mouth.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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Sticking your finger in the socket. But pretty certain you get burned a few times and you learn and you grow and all that other stuff. So but we're early on. And quite frankly, it was very exciting that somebody at Podcast Magazine who had other like notable podcasters on the cover of that magazine, like big podcasters. Yeah.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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I think he was on one of them, but I don't think it was Dave Ramsey. I don't know. I think it was Tim. Maybe it was Tim Ferriss. I don't know. I've got the magazine. I do too. It's sitting right up there. So I get a reach out, a reach around from somebody at Podcast Magazine who's doing the comedy vertical. And he says, love the show, really love to do a spread on the commercial break.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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And I'm like, what? Really? He says, yeah, I think you guys are great. I'd love to do it. And I said, okie dokie, Smokey Pokey. And by the way, we got connected because I just started in Clubhouse. I had connected with this guy in Clubhouse. I had been in a few rooms with him. He looked at the show. That's how he found us.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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So it wasn't that we were, it was like, because we had a bunch of accolades or any merit whatsoever. We were like 20 episodes into the show, into the podcast. And so I run to tell Chrissy, we're getting a spread in podcast magazine. We got to do an interview. Chrissy's like, oh, my God, really? And I'm like, yes, the podcast magazine. The one. The podcast magazine wants us.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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Yes, we got some traction. We had no idea. This would be like a fashion model getting an invitation in our minds to be on the cover of Vogue after like two days in the modeling industry. What it really was – was like an insert in a penny saver where you're wearing skimpy lingerie. That's really what it was. So the guy says, hey, we got to do an interview. Be about an hour long.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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Can I get both of you guys on a Zoom? I got some questions to ask. That's the basis of the article. Okay, fantastic. So Chrissy and I pick a time. Okay. We're going to do it Zoom. The appropriate time comes. I cannot get on Zoom because I got to update. Of course, you have to always update on your Zoom.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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Every time you have an important Zoom and you're one minute late, you have to update because that's how fucking Zoom is. So I'm updating. And when I pop in, Chrissy's like, oh, oh, okay. Okay. Uh-huh. Yeah. And I can already see that something is making her uncomfortable. Yeah. But I'm not really sure what it is. But the guy who's doing the interview is like, yeah, she's going to love you.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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I mean, she's going to love you. Where are you at? Where is that? Atlanta? Yeah. I think we can make it out there.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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They liked what they saw and they wanted to know if Chrissy would be up for – Little, hey, how's your sister out there and wherever the fuck he was, some arid plains, Arizona or something. And I had no idea about any of this. I had no idea that I didn't even know this guy. I really didn't. I talked to him a few times on Clubhouse.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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But he then went on to have an interview that was completely unprofessional.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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Where he just mainly talked about Chrissy's boobs and then asked a couple of questions of us. I thought it was odd. And I really was uncomfortable with the whole thing, but we hung in there as long as we could. And then it's over. And I'm like, well, I guess when you hit the big time, this is what it's like the casting couch. Like you're going to have to dodge the bullets. I don't know.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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I've never had any brush with any kind of notoriety. So I don't know, but we get excited about the, the, the thing. So Chrissy and I run out back to my house and we pick up a couple of pieces of wood and we take some pictures and

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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We take an old piece of fence.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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We took an old piece of fence, put it between us. This is the dumbest shit ever. And we send them off hot off the presses. We got to make sure that we get this to podcast magazine for the December issue. So the article comes out and it's by and large a fluff piece where he adds a couple of the answers that we gave and then tells it, you know, up and coming podcast. Go check it out. Whatever.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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Of which we see zero increase in downloads. I thought for sure this was it. And we got zero traction out of it.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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And it was at that moment, you know, sometimes you just have blind faith that things are going to work out. But it was at that moment that I realized that, in fact, probably no one was looking for a magazine about podcasting. And if they were, where exactly would they find that magazine?

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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And when I learned that it was distributed in over... 50 locations, most of which were like really terrible gas stations. And they eventually just given away for free at podcasting conventions. I realized that this was not all it was cracked up to be. I had no idea what podcast magazine. One was brand new, quite frankly. It only had like six issues before us. It only had six issues after us.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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It had 12 issues.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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Who puts together a magazine about podcasting? Put together a podcast about podcasting. Well, the hunt wasn't over for this guy because then all of a sudden we start showing up on their hot 10, whatever, hot 50, the podcast hot 50 podcast.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

1369.508

Yeah, like Casey Kasem's. He has a countdown about podcasts. A podcast that's a countdown about podcasts. Yeah. And it, like, plays on some streaming radio station no one can find. You know, it's like, whatever.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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Yeah. And what he would do is he'd take clips of the top ten podcasts and he goes, now coming in at number nine, it's Brian and Chrissy with the commercial break. Laughs and Gats are all a mess.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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And they do that clip, and it's so fucking terrible, you can't even imagine. We get zero downloads out of it, but this guy wants to get Chrissy in bed, so.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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You never talked to him again. I did.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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Yes, and I quickly realized he's not somebody I want to have anything to do with. I'll tell you more about the story. We got to take a quick break. And when I get back, we'll finish up the podcast magazine swingers story. And I have more questions about swingers, for swingers, about swingers. It's a whole swingers episode.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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See, you sent me a pineapple and now I got to talk about it for the rest of the day. We'll be back.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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All right, so Chrissy and I finish this interview. Magazine comes out. It's glossy. It's slick. It's got three and a half pages dedicated to the commercial break with our dum-dum pictures in there. I mean, if you can find a copy of Podcast Magazine with the commercial break in it, I would grab it because it's probably going to be worth money for all the wrong reasons someday.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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When we get noted as the – when we get entered into the Podcast Hall of Fame as the worst podcast – Oh, don't get me started on the Podcast Hall of Fame. But anyway, so Chrissy never talks to this guy again, but I have to be in this – but the guy who owned Podcast Magazine starts a podcasting club inside of Clubhouse, and I join in early to be one of the –

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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A host of the shows that he's going to put on. His idea is to have a 24-hour Clubhouse channel going on, a podcast channel where all we talk about is podcasts, how to do a podcast, how to help people with podcasts, how to grow a podcast, how to shrink a podcast, how to end a podcast, how to start a podcast. And I end up doing these podcast rooms with Allison Hare, a friend of the show.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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And I can't tell you how many thousands of questions I took about podcasting. They were all the same question. How do I start a podcast? Or how do I get an audience for my podcast? How many different ways I can answer that question, I have no idea. But I answered it over and over and over again. And I'm glad I helped some people. And I probably hurt some people. I'm really sorry. I don't know.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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I was there. I had fun in the moment. It was something to do. But you get it. But I had to interact with this guy who had interviewed us because he was in the same podcast club. And he would pop into my rooms. And I would, you know, have to pull him up on stage because he was part of the group. Yeah.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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Yeah, the waving hand.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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Because he would raise his hand. Because part of the rule of the group was if someone else of one of the other hosts popped into your room, you had to pull them up on stage. Maybe you didn't have to open their mic. You could just keep them on mute. But you had to pull them up on stage. And so every time he came into the room, I had to pull him on stage. Wow.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

170.58

And when does the swinging happen?

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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I start getting text messages from this guy. And he's like, hey, man, what'd you think about the spread? You're on the hot charts. And I was like, yeah, great. Yeah, thank you very much. I really appreciate it. I said, you know, it was a very nice spread. And I think Chrissy and I certainly appreciate it. Cool, cool, man. Hey, did you know my wife and I are swingers?

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

1735.7

And I was like, hey, no, that's a weird text message. I did not. Well, good for you guys. You know, as if my response was like, good for you. Now it's starting to make a little bit of sense. And he's like, hey, great. Hey, listen, I got this new radio channel podcast streaming thing I'm doing. And I need a little bit of help and advice. And I'm thinking about streaming some of your show on there.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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So it's going to be a brand new blah, blah, whatever the fuck. And he's like, can you get on a Zoom call with me? Sure, I'll get on a Zoom call with you. You know, you need some help if you're thinking about distributing the commercial break.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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Yeah.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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It was the bait.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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It ended up being 45 minutes of him talking about how many, his swinging life, including and up to his wife making appearances on the Zoom, him talking about how great her tits were. I mean, it was really uncomfortable. Yeah. And I was like, well, okay, thanks very much. Gotta go. I was just trying to be polite.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

1800.62

It wasn't sexual assault by any means.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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Very suggestive. Very suggestive. Okay. Great, wonderful, fine dandy. I'm done. Okay, now I'm done. But the guy still has my phone number. I can't just turn him off because he's in the same group I am in. So it's all this blah, blah, blah. And we're in a WhatsApp group with 300 other people where they all bitch about, you know, my room only lasted 45 minutes today. It's like 55 children.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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Yes.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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Allison and I were like, what is the world that's going on in this group? Who knew? Who knew this was going to be so childish? Some people were cool, like anything. Some people were cool. Some people had big egos. Some people would have. So one day I wake up, and this is smack dab in the middle of every lockdown. There's nothing to do. There's nowhere to go.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

185.887

That's what I'm asking. Go have a drink. Like, okay, let's put ourselves in this situation. Let's assume for one minute that we are swingers. You and Jeff and me and Astrid, not us, like, you know what I'm saying. We're swingers, right? Not that we're going to swing together. Right, right. Settle down, Jeff. I can see Jeff throwing his phone out the window right now.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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And I got a text message from this guy. And I pop it open, and it's a picture of people in a hot tub. Hopeless people in a hot tub.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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Yeah. Guess what we're doing tonight? Wish you were here. With, like, drinks.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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At that moment, I didn't care that he was in the group. I had to block him. I just blocked him. Listen, it takes all kinds. And I'm not here to judge anybody's life. And if that's what you want to do, that's what you want to do. Cool. You don't have to send pictures. It was clear from the beginning. If I didn't make it clear, it should have been clear from the beginning that that was not for me.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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Me and my wife are not going to be sending back and forth pictures or making any road trips out to the Southwest Plains to have doodle diddy time with this 60-year-old dude and his wife. It's not going to happen. But... There's a point where you just got to draw the line. Like if you're a swinger, you can be a swinger. And I don't feel uncomfortable about you talking about it.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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Feel free to talk about your swinging. But make sure it's the right conversation at the right time. And that it's an invited conversation. And certainly don't send pictures of your wife topless when no one asked for them. That's weird. It's weird. I think they were desperate conversations.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

1973.575

Send me a dick pic.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

1979.801

I agree with you wholeheartedly while we're talking about swinging and sex and all this other stuff. I know it's, at least for a while there, all the rage was dick pics, right? Everyone was getting dick pics. Everyone was sending dick pics, dick pics, dick pic, dick pic. But Chrissy's right about something. And this isn't an old man... This is not Brian Oldman talking.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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This is just like general... It's just etiquette. Life etiquette. Yes. Right? It goes both ways, by the way. It does. Not just dicks. And I'll share a story here in just a second. But it's... Yeah. Invite that conversation or you're going to know when the right moment to send the dick pic is. If you guys are having tech sex, or as my mom likes to say, sex Mexican.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

2016.308

If you guys are having sex Mexican... Yeah. Then... It's completely appropriate if pictures are being exchanged or words are being exchanged. You'll know when the right time to send that dick pic is. Uninvited dick pics, you know, and then asking for a response is completely uncool. Not to mention, you're sending your fucking dick out there to the world to someone who didn't ask for it. Yes.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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They have all the right in the world to go send that picture to other people. And listen, I'm sure some of you are impressive. I'm not. I would not dare do that. No way. But maybe some of you are, and maybe that's okay with you. Cool. Even if you've got an impressive package.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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Don't assume, right? Wait for someone to ask for it or ask for it. But don't do that like on the third conversation, you know? You guys haven't even been out for coffee yet, and you're like, oh, let's see a picture of my dick. No, no one wants to see a picture of your dick. Let's be honest. Dicks aren't the most pretty things in the world, right?

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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God made women beautiful and God just stuck a stick on the front of us that turns ugly and weird. Just don't do it. Just don't do it. Okay? It's not the right time. It's not the right place.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

2093.137

That's right. One time, I was... at a party. I was at a birthday party and a girl that you and I know together, we, her and I were sometimes on, not on and off again, but sometimes we were like friends with benefits at times. And, you know, we spent a lot of time together as friends and then a little bit of time together, you know, fooling around.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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It was just one of those, it was a situation ship, I guess is right. What it was called. Well, but we had never been, like, the kind of, like, sex. We'd send, like, you know, nudes or anything like that. Like, if we were drunk and if we wanted to fool around, we fooled around. Most of the time, we were just friendly with each other and went out to places.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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But one night, I was at a party, and I'll never forget. I'm at a party. Phone dings. Ding, ding, ding. And I'm around a bunch of people. And I opened it up because we had never, ever before, ever sent any kind of offensive text messages. I thought this was going to be like, hey, where are you at? Hey, you want to meet up later? Hey, what you doing tomorrow night? And I opened it up.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

217.352

Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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No preface, no prologue, nothing. Just those three or four photographs. And I was like, wow, that's weird. And I didn't text back for a while because I thought, I can't even open the phone. I got to be careful. I don't know who's around. Yeah, I was nervous. So I didn't open the phone for a while. And then like an hour later, when I was leaving the party, I opened the phone.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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I had silenced the phone. I opened the phone and it was like 20 text messages. I'm sorry. Is everything okay? Did I do something wrong? And I was like, oh, you know, I feel for you. No, everything's fine. It's okay. But I'm not going to respond. I'm not going to put a dick pic in there.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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No pre-authorization. No conversation. Literally a cold text message of your willy-hoo-hoo. Now, I... Sorry, that's my phone dropping three times an episode. I got a situation ship with my chair here. I know. I'm getting a new phone and I'm going to get a different case. Anyway, this is... That's a different phone. What's that? This is a different phone?

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

224.975

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. I'm just scrolling through the old TCV emulator phone over here with all of our text messages and phone calls. And there's someone who's been texting the show for a very long time. I won't give away the name in case they don't want it shared, but they told the phone a couple of weeks ago that they were going to be going on a cruise. Mm-hmm.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

2243.552

Oh, the studio phone fell? Your other phone is... Oh, my other phone fell too. They both fell. I put them next to me on the chair and then they slide off because these chairs are just like, you know, soft. And then they sound like a bomb went off in the microphone because it goes right up through the microphone cage. So my point is...

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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Don't send unrequited nude photographs to anyone for any reason. Unless it's one of those guys who text you and they're like, hey, like I got a text message the other day. Hey, did you finish the art piece yet? I'm really excited to see it. It was from someone I didn't know. Yes. And I sent them a picture of an elephant penis. And I go, I think it's coming along. And then they're like, I'm sorry.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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I thought this was Abby. Do I have the wrong phone number? And I go, no, this is Abby. And this is my art. I turn it around on them. None of them play along anymore. They all got – wait. There's probably thousands of smartasses out there who are doing the same thing. But I love it. My brother-in-law, Gustavo, he's like so afraid to respond to them.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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He thinks he's going to get trapped in some weird Bitcoin scam. And I'm like – They just text random phone numbers hoping they figure it out. Anyway, so back to the swingers. So, you know, I'm just wondering, like, the lady from Clubhouse was going to be on the show. Like, I had talked to her. I was in a room with her, like a clubhouse room one time.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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I helped host a room with her, and she was talking about her Swingers podcast in a way that was very informative. And she was telling people about laying the rules down and the basics.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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Oh, yeah, yeah. Sue... Sue John? Sue John. Sue Johansson. Yeah. Sue Johansson. Yeah, but she wasn't being clinical about it. She was saying, you know, these are how swingers groups work. And this is how you identify a swinger. And this is how we approach a swinger. And this is what we ask. And these are the rules. And these are the things we do.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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It was all good to know. And maybe I should reach back out to her because it was really fascinating. And now I'm just getting more and more... fascinated by the idea of swinging. I have no interest in doing it myself. I just like to know what's going on out there in the world.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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I agree with you. That's a pre-authorization to knock on the door, say hello if you're a swinger, and say, hey, listen, I don't know if we're going to get along, but would you like to go have dinner? We'll see what goes on. Can I buy you a few drinks? Want to go down to the casino and play a few hands? Let's figure this all out.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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And I think it's very brave of someone to just put an upside down pineapple on the door, not knowing if anybody else might as well go for what you want. Yeah. And listen, there's also the very real possibility that on this particular cruise, there's like a coordinated swingers group that's out there and they all put the pineapples upside down on the door.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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And that is preauthorization to say, I know what you're I know what you're up to. But honestly, like everybody knows about the upside down pineapple now. Got to do something else. I do like an upside down turkey or something. You know what I'm saying?

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

243.422

And so the response was, send pics, right? You know, hey, share the pics. I want to see what's doing over there on that cruise. Well, the only pic that I've gotten so far is a picture of a cruise door with an upside-down pineapple.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

2444.413

Oh, of course it is.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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There is a famous neighborhood here north of Atlanta, very large neighborhood called And apparently, the swinger community up there is well-known, very large, and it's a golf community. So they have a golf course up there. But right outside of the golf course, there's a Publix. And now someone that I know lives there. They're not swingers, but they live there.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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And because they go to the pool and they do the things and the neighborhood events and all that, it's like not even a secret. It's everybody talks about it and people are... They have an upside-down pineapple thing that they put in their backyard on the golf course. They put it on their front door.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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And the Publix outside of the neighborhood, apparently there are people on a Saturday afternoon or whatever. They'll go to the Publix. They'll get a shopping cart and put the pineapple on the top. And if you put the pineapple on the top, the little thing that holds the baby, put that there. That's it. You're good to go. You can approach. Okay. Yeah. Approach. A clearance for landing.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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You know what I'm saying? That's just it. And cool. I'd like to be in a club with a secret code. I mean, I don't want anybody to have sex with my wife, but I'd want to be in a secret code club.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

2520.04

Well, it's not really a secret, but I want to have something cool like that.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

2524.222

Yeah. Like, you know, we have sayings here like best to you and stuff like that, but not for everybody. Cheesecake factory of podcasts.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

2534.828

Maybe.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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Slice a cheesecake upside down like a triangle. And if you have that on your shirt or sticker on your door or whatever, then you know you're a commercial break listener. Yes. And it's okay to approach. You're okay to have conversations about the dumbest podcast out there. How's that? I like that idea. I do like that idea. All right. We'll take a break.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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And then I want to ask you about you said you have a question for me that Jeff proposed. That was a good question. Last night? Maybe you don't remember. Chrissy was drinking. She doesn't remember. I did have some wine. I'll poke your brain in just a second. We'll be back.

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

260.594

We all know that's what it means. It's the universal symbol for ground and pound, baby. Polyamory. We like to swing. Oh, yeah, we like to swing. I have been getting served up a lot more swingers content. I think I shared this with you that we talked about the Love Cruise or whatever they call it. What is that called? It's not... Yeah. What is that resort?

The Commercial Break

Upside Down Pineapple Fake

2627.003

Yeah, that is crazy. Chrissy and I were just talking about the Diddy trial, which is the never-endless updates on the Diddy trial, because some of that testimony is literally insane. Yeah. That Cuddy got his car blown up, and apparently that was directed by Diddy and his security staff or whoever Diddy was associating with. And I saw the pictures from the trial the other day.

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Upside Down Pineapple Fake

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The pictures of the inside of Diddy's house were after they raided the house. Lots of drugs, lots of pills, lots of powders, lots of pot, lots of pot, right? Um, and the lube, as they had explained, there was a lot of lube.

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There was a couple hundred bottles of lube, lots of lingerie to me seemed like pretty milquetoast sex stuff, like a couple of vibrators, a couple of like pieces of like cheapy lingerie that you would buy at a head shop or a sex shop or whatever, you know, cheapy stuff comes in a box, one size fits all type stuff. Um, and some stripper heels, things like that.

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That all seemed pretty milquetoast sex stuff, like stuff anybody might be into no matter what. But the description of some of this is just insane. Like they had the male prostitute up there. He was saying he got paid between $500 and $5,000 every time to show up, have sex, with, quite frankly, a very beautiful woman, while Diddy orchestrated the whole thing, watched, and then got his rocks off.

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You know, it's 21 EPMs over in the corner. So essentially a lot of cuckolding going on. Which, okay, whatever, that's your jazz, that's your jazz. Yeah. But the nature in which he went about orchestrating all of that sounds very abusive.

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Abuse.

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Cassie says when they met, she didn't even really know what a blowjob was. She was like, had no idea what that was. And then he like directed her, instructed her. Sounds like Diddy found someone very young and molded her to his will. Yeah. Vulnerable. He signed her to like a 50 album deal or something. 50 album deal. A 50 album deal. That is insanity. Yeah.

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I take a little bit of comfort, and this can never wipe away any of the trauma that is probably in this girl's head if any of this is true. And it looks like a lot of it might be. You know, she got $25 million or whatever it is.

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So at the very least, even though her life is ruined and none of those albums did anything, except for maybe the first one that had a hit single or two, and then she was really relegated to being his sex slave. I mean, that's the only way to describe it. You know, She probably won't have to work another day in her life, so she can maybe try and pick up the pieces and get back.

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Yeah, well, she's pregnant, too. Yeah, that's true.

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Who hot, who not, indeed, Diddy. Well, I guess we figured it out. Yeah, all those rumors about Diddy over all those years, they just might be true. Maybe he did have something to do with Biggie Smalls' death, like a lot of people have assumed for a very long time that he did. I don't think this trial is going to get to the bottom of it, but...

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You know, somebody, if Diddy is kneecapped in the sense that he no longer has the power and prestige that he always has, I think then a lot more will be discussed about him, just like with a lot of, I'm watching the Brett Favre documentary right now. Yeah, on Netflix. And, you know, we just give a lot of credit to these guys when they haven't earned it.

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Yeah. There's a resort. Pleasure. Yeah.

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And then we assume, they put them on a pedestal and we assume that everything's okay and we don't want to hear about the bad.

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But everyone's human. And when you, you know, absolute power absolutely corrupts, that's just the way that it is. We're seeing that play out in every facet of our lives right now, from our preachers to our influencers, our sports stars, and our government. It's just the way that it is. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. So anyway, happy days. Happy days are here again. Back to swinging.

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I like to talk about swinging. That's what I like to talk about. I wanted to talk about the Polly family.

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Yeah. But pleasure include whatever it is. Anyway, it's a swingers cruise and now they're doing it twice a year that it's in such demand that they're doing it twice a year. And they also have a resort down in Jamaica. Like there's a lot of these hedonism. There's a bunch of them. They have sandals, adults only resorts. Where basically the whole premise is, go down there, strip naked, get laid.

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Well, listen – I get the just. Yeah, it's really not hard to figure out. And they show a lot of minutiae about the family that's not quite frankly all that interesting. It's just like any other family, only there's two dads and two moms.

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Yeah, the kid's crying and changing and both moms are trying to breastfeed the one child. I admire that. Okay, cool. If you're trying to breastfeed, both of them are trying to breastfeed the child to connect with it. Cool. But one's mom's milk won't come in. Whatever. Anyway, you get it. I will say this is that take away the fact that it's just two moms and two dads.

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It's a relatively boring show about two guys who don't like each other and one dude who gets laid much more than the other dude. I mean, this is really what it is. Right. Every episode, it seems like they have to make note that one dude is a good lover and one dude is not. All the girls get very excited over one guy. And then the other guy, they're like, that's his night. It's kind of funny.

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If you get a chance to watch Polly, you can stomach it. And in the sense that there are long periods of very boring punctuated by a few interesting things. I don't think this thing gets a second season because, quite frankly, it's just it's not that interesting. Yeah, I agree. It really isn't. Well, I've gotten over the shock of two dads and two moms. It wasn't that shocking in the first place.

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And we watched that video. I'll tell you what is shocking. And we'll talk about this a little bit because we're talking about TV in a while. I did get a chance to pick the pit back up. Have you seen all of the pit?

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I got one more, one and a half more episodes to go. What a fucking show they put together. I know.

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I have no interest in medical dramas.

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I think... I think they're probably going to have a good sense for what's working here. And that is the very technical, very fast-paced nature. For those of you who haven't seen The Pit, it's on Max. It's brilliantly done. It's done from some of the same people who did ER? Yeah, I think it was ER. ER. Yeah.

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And he wrote it and helped put it together with another executive producer of ER. As a matter of fact, they're being sued by the people who created ER saying they stole the material. Yeah, but ER is a medical drama on a major or was a medical drama on a major network television station, ABC, I think. And it ended up being a soap opera at the end of the day. Yeah.

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there was a lot of technicality to ER also. And I think that's what made it interesting at first, but it ended up being just a big soap opera. This is far from that. This is not a soap opera. This is 15 hour, a shift of emergency room doctors in a teaching hospital in Pittsburgh.

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And what happens if, and what happens when all the death, all the emergencies, the way in which they teach the, you know, interns how to do medicine. It's very fascinating and so well-acted. Because it's not overacted. It's just done really nicely. Right. And I say that nicely.

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I mean, it's just like it's so at times muted that it's easy to see that this could be an emergency room anywhere in America.

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That's it. That's what you do. And I don't know, part of me thinks that might be fun. Like, I don't want to do it now. I'm too old for all that. No one wants to see me. Like Tom Papa says, I'm turning into one big testicle, so no one wants to see me naked. But if I think back on my youthful adventures... I wonder why I didn't put that in the mix.

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The head nurse is great. I love her. Yeah, she's great. She's got a great attitude. I think Noah Wiley in this is brilliant.

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Yeah. And I never have paid attention to Noah Wiley, but I think he's very brilliant in this. And I just got ended one of the episodes last night with the scene where he gets very emotional and I got emotional with him. I was like, it's easy to see how if you're an emergency room doctor anywhere in the world, but especially here in the United States.

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how crazy it must be to do your job on a daily basis. Not only do you have to worry about the emergencies that are literally happening in front of you, life or death, you're playing God, and you don't always get it right, and you can't always get it right, and you're gonna lose

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You know, some of the people that you're trying to work on in the in the moment of the moment, they most need you to do your job 100 percent correctly. Sometimes you just can't do that because none of us can do that. We're human. We're fallible. Right. But then also to deal with all of the other bullshit that comes along with medicine in America in 2025.

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very difficult to do you have to navigate you know budget cuts and insurance and you know medicaid and medicare and all this other stuff and i think they do a good job of highlighting some of this stuff without making it overly politicized or one way or the other they they do a really good job and the pit has been picked up for season two and season three i believe oh i'm sure

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And so please get the fuck to it because I want to see more episodes of The Pit. That's the one thing that the streamers sometimes it bothers me is that it can be a long period of time before you get the next one. But hopefully Max being a television station first will understand is that you shouldn't go, you know, years before the next season comes out.

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You have to satiate Brian's palate for medical dramas. Now I'm into medical. I'm a medical drama guy. Never thought I'd say that. But here I am, medical drama kind of guy. You know what I'm saying? And you know what else I'm seeing? I'm seeing a lot of is that sex sent me to the ER.

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Sex brought me to the ER. Yeah, sex sent me to the ER.

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That seems like pretty common human brain, human stuff. But... You never know. It's 2025 and you never know. And people are into weird shit, right? But this show, Sex Sent Me to the ER, and I only see like little bits and pieces of it because it's on at 2 o'clock in the afternoon.

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I don't know. I have no idea. I really don't. But I know that it's on in the afternoon, so I don't watch it because I don't want my children watching. As a matter of fact, I walked in one day. It was on. Oh, God. And one of my daughters was sitting there playing and there's like this graphic description of something. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what is this?

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And then I was like, oh, that's interesting. Let me turn it on in the other room where she's not. It's very interesting, but it's all real. And a lot of times the doctors, so it's a reenactment of something that actually happened. And a lot of times the doctors who saw the patient are actually in the program. Oh, they are? They're the actors. Yeah. So it's really interesting.

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Mainly because I've been in threesomes and they're not for me. Like, you know, can you hold my beer while I go get more beer? And then I come back and I'm locked out of the house. It's like one of those things, you know, it's not as fun as you think it is. It's quite challenging, actually, to pleasure more than one person at the same time. But like swingers, you know, you're just switching.

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And it made me think, this is the pit. Yes. Real stories. That's it. That's all it is. It's just a real story. So very fascinating stuff. I think The Pit, if it doesn't win awards, I don't know what wins awards, but it should win awards because it's very good. And I'm almost sad to watch the last episode because what do I do then? Where do I go then? Have you watched The Studio?

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I have not watched the studio, but I've heard a lot of people talk about it. It's good. It's interesting. I've read a lot about it.

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True things that happened. I did read... Brian Cranston was talking about he's a studio head, and he was supposed to give a speech in Vegas, and he ended up taking ecstasy or something or getting high on cocaine or whatever it was, and then he has to play this kind of fucked up, or was it LSD or shrooms? I can't remember. It was shrooms. Okay, shrooms, okay. And then he has to play that.

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That's it for the season? Yeah. Oh, wow.

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Okay, text in, what are you watching? 212-4333-TCB. I'm so fascinated to hear what other people are watching. We're missing stuff. I know we are because there's thousands of television shows, thousands and thousands, and I can't possibly make it to all of them. But I am looking for – here's one I'm repeating.

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Tacoma FD, which is the stupidest comedy show you've ever seen about a fire department in Tacoma, Washington. And it was on TruTV, I think, for a minute. Now Netflix has picked it up. It's got four or five seasons. It's a terrible comedy show, but it's funny because it doesn't try and be anything but a terrible comedy show. It's from those same guys who did Super Troopers.

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Do you know who I'm talking about? Like the squirrely chameleon group or whatever, the improv comedy group? It is so dumb, and I love it. I hope they make thousands of more episodes of Tacoma FD, because when I go to sleep at night, I don't want to watch anything particularly brain-straining.

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I do that in the shower or here in the studio.

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I do need to finish.

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If I don't see Walter Goggins in every third reel on Instagram right now, he is having his moment. He really is.

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I hope that Walter, my old buddy Walter Goggins, I hope that he is enjoying his moment in the sun. I think he is. Didn't he just host Saturday Night Live too? Did he? He did. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I read a review about it. It said he wasn't really used all that well. But it's this guy who does these reviews. He's really hard on Saturday.

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He never gives Saturday Night Live more than a B minus, like ever. I'm not even going to name the magazine. But it's like, obviously, he's just pining for the old days. Everybody's always pining for the old days on Saturday Night Live. That's the way that it goes.

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You're just switching it up. And so I don't know what the picture is.

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It has to evolve. It has to move on. And I get it. You know, we kind of got spoiled with Sandler and Spade and Chris Farley and Will Ferrell and, you know, Tina Fey and all those. There were some great characters, but some of these. But we have Bowen Yang. We have Bowen Yang. We have somebody. We've got Bowen. And we've got Colin Yost. And Colin Yost and, oh, my God, Che. Michael Che.

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I was about to say Che Guevara. He's not Che Guevara. He didn't overthrow the Cuban government. Michael Che, who I made a comment about on a post that Saturday Night Live did. And I said that they probably are the best weekend update hosts ever. Ever. They're really good. They're really good. And for a while, I thought, these guys are good. Then I thought, these guys are great.

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means does it mean that's your door or does that mean that's someone else's door i think they probably saw it i think so too yeah but that's ballsy to go on a cruise and just let everybody know you're looking for a door not what is the what is the protocol on a cruise when it comes to swinging do you just like knock on somebody's door just

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And now I think they might be the best ever. That's my personal opinion. I put that comment up there, and it got a lot of response. People were like, absolutely. Like, yes, that's correct. And because I think it is. Name another weekend update.

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person that was as good as those two have been and there have very rarely been two of them at the same time I can't think of one Dennis Miller yeah he was interesting but is he the best no he's not well Chevy Chase started it right What's that? Was he the first? Chevy Chase. I think Chevy Chase was. But Chevy Chase didn't last very long on Saturday Night Live.

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And while we're speaking about TV, one more note. And some of you have already written in about this. And thank you. But there's no thanks needed. R.I.P. George Wendt. Yes. Norm from Cheers. I put a little... I guess a little tribute to Norm at the beginning of one of the episodes this week. George Wendt died at 73 years old, I think he was. George was Norm on Cheers.

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Cheers is one of the best television shows that has ever been. I was very young when it came out. I was very young when it was around.

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It ran for like nine years.

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We went to a bar in Greenville. We went to a restaurant that had a bar. And the bar had a couple of TVs. And on that TV was playing back-to-back-to-back Cheers episodes. And they had the volume up so people could hear it. Wonderful restaurant, by the way. The food was delicious. Just a little out-of-the-way Italian restaurant. And so I made mention to one of the people that was working there.

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I said, oh, that's interesting. You have Cheers. And there was like a bunch of young people. It was like brunch time on a Sunday. A bunch of young people sitting at the bar, and they were all staring at the Cheers. And they go, everybody loves it here. We all watch it over and over again. We can't get enough of it. Yeah, it's one of those shows. Yeah, and they said, you wouldn't believe it.

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It's a college town. All of these kids, they all come in. They watch Cheers. They love it. It is one of those shows that you have never seen. If you're too young to know what Cheers is or you're too young to have that in your in your, I guess, ether. You need to put that in your ether because it is so funny and so well done and so classic.

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It's just one of those shows you need to watch at least one time in your life. It's like Seinfeld. It's like Curb Your Enthusiasm. It's like... Seven Little Johnstons. You have to put all of those shows in your ether. But George, Norm, the character Norm, is a big part of that show. His one-liners and his kind of philosophy on life and that gadfly, barfly kind of personality that he had.

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Always a beer in his hand. Always jolly. Always quick with a joke. is a character that resonates with everybody because I think we've met that person in our life. And a lot of times he would open the show, like the show kind of started with Norm walking in the door and everybody yelling Norm. He'd throw out a one-liner, and that's how a lot of these episodes started.

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He was a big part of my childhood because not only was I alive and aware during the end of its run, but then it ran on reruns forever. and ever and ever. It was always on somewhere. And my parents loved it, so we watched it, and I loved it. And Norm, he had a place in my heart. So George went, RIP, buddy. Thanks for all the laughs.

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And the funny thing is, is that George wasn't in a whole bunch of stuff beforehand, and he was almost not in anything afterwards. He did a couple of reality shows and documentary-style shows. Yeah, I think he was in that... How Beer Built the World or How Alcohol Built the World or whatever it was. Oh, yeah, yeah, that show. I think he was like a commentator in that show.

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I think he did a couple of other things. I think he did like some local stuff up in Chicago. He was certainly on Saturday Night Live a few times doing his Bears guy, you know, da Bears. But he really largely just did Cheers. And hey, listen, you can probably live on Cheers money, I would imagine.

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But yeah, that character Norm has a place in my heart. I know, me too. I think it was formative in my comedy, the way that he would just throw out those one-liners. So I'm still not nearly as funny as anybody on Cheers. But go watch it. Do yourself a favor. Oh, I'm really sad. I wish I wish there was a cheers of 2025.

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I wish we had a show like I wish anybody gave a show a chance to go nine or 10 years. You know what I'm saying? But not not today. We're all too busy trying to find another partner to cuckold. We're all too busy swinging upside down pineapples. Yeah. Getting on cruises. All right. Hey, listen, nothing wrong with that. No, more power to you. I'd love to hear if you're a swinger.

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What are the rules of the road?

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If I'd make a decision to go into it, I don't want to do it like we did with podcasting and end up on Podcast Magazine. I want to avoid the podcast magazine of swinging. Yes, please. So let us know. Give us some information. 2 1 2 4 3 3 3 TCB. I bet you dollars to donuts. There's a couple of swingers in our group.

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Okay. Uh, 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, or if you want to be a part of TCB's Endless Day, send us a text message so we can get you on the schedule, figure it out, get you lined up to talk to us. Hopefully we'll be able to fit everybody in. There's quite a few people who have already called and texted us, actually, so. Really?

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Let's not get all involved with details. Let me just come in real quick and come on real quick. You know what I'm saying? Come in and come on. And when does the swinging happen?

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Yeah, but we might need the help. You never know. It just might be seven hours of us talking to other people on the telephone. Or it might be seven hours of other people doing the show and you and I taking a nap. Yeah.

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But probably not.

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Yeah, because TCB's Endless Day is sponsored by 5-Hour Energy. And you can go to 5hourenergy.com to get special flavors, hot sauces, all kind of stuff that they make. Check out 5hourenergy.com when you get a chance. TCB podcast.com. That's where you find out about Chrissy and I, all the comings and goings of the show, all the audio, all the videos right there.

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TCB podcast.com and your free TCB sticker available on the contact us button. Hit the dropdown menu. It says, I want my free sticker. Give us your physical address. We will send you one. Don't worry about it. We'll cover the cost. What is it? $6 and 25 cents for a stamp now. Okay. And I don't even think we have a post office anymore. Actually. I don't think we have mail service.

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If we do, it's not going to last for long.

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I'm surprised that we're still functioning as a society. Add The Commercial Break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break for all of the episodes on video. The same day, usually, they air here on The Audio. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

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Yeah.

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Yes.

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That's what I'm asking. Like, okay, let's put ourselves in this situation. Let's assume for one minute that we are swingers. You and Jeff and me and Astrid, not us. Like, you know what I'm saying? We're swingers, right? Not that we're going to swing together. Settle down, Jeff. I can see Jeff like throwing his phone out the window right now. No,

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Yes. It's research for the show. So let's assume for a minute that we are swingers. Yeah. And we go on a cruise, the four of us. And we're like, all right, we're ready to get dicked down. That's what we're doing here, right? It's going to be a whole five days of fun in the sun. Turning up and turning out. Swinging and swinging. Yeah, putting our heads down on the pillows.

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Okay, let's think about that. All right, now, how do we let people know that? How, pray tell, are we going to find other swingers on the cruise? Well, let's put a pineapple upside down on our door. Okay.

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Honey, did you bring the blow-up pineapple? Because I need to put it upside down.

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Yes.

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5.30! So, on a cruise ship, you've never been, but on a cruise ship, it's all interiors, no exteriors. There's no windows. Like, I've seen other swingers who do things at, like, motels, hotels, or resorts. There's windows, big windows in the front of the hotel, right? Of the hotel room, so you can just open the curtains. Right. Like those old Motel 6s where you open up the curtains. I saw one.

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At like a Holiday Inn in like Iowa somewhere. Imagine that.

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Oh, you did?

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There was a swingers convention going on?

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Oh, they had the curtains open?

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You know, there was for the Super Bowl last year, which was in Vegas, right? Yeah, it was in Vegas. Every other year it's in Vegas. That's true because it's hot and that guy paid a billion dollars for that place. And now they always have it in warm weather. It's like Atlanta, Tampa, Superdome, Vegas, Atlanta, Tampa, Superdome, Vegas. Okay, so it was in Vegas.

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Was it – somebody was playing, not Rihanna, but somebody was playing inside one of the – I think it was in Resorts World, like that huge mixed-use facility they have in Vegas that's kind of newish. Yeah. And there's hotels that overlook the stage in the concert area.

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Well, one keen-eyed person with a very powerful cell phone saw that, like, on the third floor, the windows were open in the hotel room, the curtains were open, and some girl was getting double-downed. Like... Two guys, one on each end. Okay.

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And they scrolled in and it was like, it was a really funny reel because everybody started noticing and then everybody was pointing their phones up there, just taking it. Anyway. Okay. So, you know, some of these places, like they have areas where, you know, it's like you go to a swingers conference. I've seen the Instagrams. You have a meet and greet. You have a dinner together.

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You go to the beach and, you know, pick your partner. Okay. But in a cruise, there's no windows where you can look in. There's just a peephole. Like most hotel rooms, just a peephole. What is the minutia? You're putting a pineapple on your door. Is that like protocol for the swingers community? You just knock on the door? Hey, I'm here. I'm up for it. Look at me. I'm up right now.

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I'm hard as a rock. Flagpole's up. Let's go for it. Or I don't know. I'm just wondering.

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Yes.

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Hey, do you want to have dinner with us? Yes. Hey, do you want to come on the excursion with us?

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Yeah. Hey, do you have any pictures of your wife disrobed? Yeah. Yeah. Or you like wait outside the room until they leave for dinner and then you're like, hey. Exactly. And in the swingers community, is it gauche to be like just a dude? Like if I'm, you know, let's say that Brian's a swinger and he's on vacation, but Astrid's not.

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I'm just the swinger in the family and I'm on vacation with the fam and I'm doing my midnight Disney walk around the ship thing. Your walkabout? Yeah, my walkabout where security is getting nervous about the guy with multiple cameras around his neck is taking pictures of every piece of architecture in the building.

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I'm doing my walkabout and I see the pineapple and I go, well, you know, kids are asleep. Why not knock on the door? See what's doing that. I don't know. Yeah. I know that when I went to a swingers party, a sex party. Mm hmm. that it was not okay to come in alone as just a single guy unless you had been pre-approved by the facilitators of the party.

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In other words, you just couldn't walk in there as a single dude. You had to bring a female or you had to be on a list of special approved dudes. And what is approved or not? Like, do you have to send pictures? Do you put in a resume? Do you have an application process? I would imagine you would want to keep the creepers out. Yeah, exactly.

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I don't know either. And while I did not, to be absolutely clear, had zero interest in participating in anything and the smell in there was funky as it could be. I will say this. There was a lot of people watching what was going on. Oh, yeah.

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Watching is a thing. And most of those people, if we're just being honest, were guys. So I'm assuming they came in, like, you know, they brought a friend or whatever, you know, bring a friend, like plus one.

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And then you say, hey, you do what you want to do. I'll be over here. Yeah, exactly. Creeping or having sex or whatever it is. This is just all this just fascinates me to no end. It is fascinating. It's so far removed from anything that I know or would want to know that, you know, I... I just am interested in all the protocols. So if you know, we almost had a swinger lady.

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If you remember this, remember Clubhouse?

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Does anybody remember Clubhouse?

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It's still a thing. There is still an app out there, Clubhouse. It looks like it has turned absolutely ratchet. Like, I don't know what's going on in that Clubhouse now, but it's like weird. It's all weird.

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Yeah, I know. It was like the thing that was going to take over the world.

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They were valued at a billion dollars at one point. Yeah, it was so nuts. They got like $120 million from the same people who seeded Facebook. You know, Martin McCannian, Maskell, or whatever those fucking guys are. guys' names are, Simon and Schuster, I don't know, something. They were absolutely on a tear for like three months.

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I have never seen a tech platform, and I'm sure there's been lots of them, but I have never been involved in any tech platform. Well, actually, that's not true. I was once involved in a tech platform that got funded once, and then it just literally died, literally. That's a different story for a different day. But that thing took off during the pandemic.

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Like a rocket. I got an early invitation probably three months after they started inviting other people outside of the founders.

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The old early invitation. Excuse me. Yes, I got one from Allison Hare. Never forget. She said, you got to do this Clubhouse thing. I said, what is it? She said, it's live podcasting. I said, oh, live podcast. It's like a radio show. You have people. And I had no idea what she was talking about. Just join and see. And then I see. And then I go, oh, that is interesting.

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And then pretty soon, five times a day, I was on there doing shows. Yeah. Oh, my God. It was crazy. It took over my life for a month. I know.

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Yeah, a complete waste of money. I mean, listen, we met a lot of nice people there. It ended up being, I guess, part of the reason why we got I got through the pandemic is because I had something to do.

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But anyway, on one of those, I was in this podcasting group and one of the ladies who was in the podcasting group with me, there was like a couple hundred of us doing these shows on this podcast channel. Or club. Excuse me.

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Yeah, come on, Brian. Keep the terms. Yeah, I'm sorry. In the club with us, in the podcast club with us. Started by the founder of Podcast Magazine. Because everybody wants to buy a magazine about podcasting. That guy is now like selling insurance in an MLM or something. Anyway. Yeah. She was – she had a podcast about swingers. Her husband and her were swingers.

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It wasn't me. I mean, I did.

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Yeah, I did. Yeah, I got some weird shit. All right. So while we're talking about swingers, I'll tell this story real fast. Chrissy and I are early pod. I mean, we're early in this journey. Now I look back. I mean, listen, just like anybody who starts off on any new adventure.

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I don't want you back in the toxic relationship. So, let's do this. Let's take a break and then I think we'll have time to get all three of them. Some of these are like a page long. Okay. Lots of detail to the conversation.

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I love it. I love when people take time, they do the homework for us. Das ist eine tolle Nachricht. Es gibt auch eine Menge guter Feedback über Twitch. Also werden wir das im Jahr 2025 machen. Sobald wir lernen, wie. Wir werden das im Jahr 2025 machen. Wir geben dir die Möglichkeit, live auf Chrissy und ich ein Video zu schauen. Oh, guck mal, Lou.

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Ja, und du wirst kommen können und Kommentare machen und uns Fragen stellen und Shit sprechen und all das gute Sachen. Vielleicht sogar Geld uns senden. Ich sehe auf Twitch, dass Leute super chatten. Superchat, $5. Superchat, $10. I will literally, literally handwritten note with lipstick kiss the first person who superchats the commercial break.

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And maybe I'll do it to every person that superchats the commercial break. Yeah, let's throw that in there. For sure. I've got the lipstick right here. Oh, look at you. You do have lipstick on today. Also, I wanted to let you know, just a reminder, I know you're hearing this before the show, like we have some ads that are running, some promos that are running.

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We will be here with you the entire Thanksgiving week, Christmas week, New Year's week and beyond. Ich hoffe nicht. Wir sind hier, bringen Ihnen neue Episoden, insbesondere die zwölf Tage von TCB. Bitte, auf behalf of me and my network and my contractual obligations to hit a certain number of episodes, I request that you tune into the twelve days of TCB. Actually, it's going to be fun.

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I'm excited. And here's how it's going to go. Lots of people have been asking, what is the twelve days of TCB? Ja, I thought ugly Christmas sweater every day. And we'll be here in the new studio, hopefully by then, the new renovated studio by then, putting all the episodes out on YouTube and Spotify video. But people have been asking, what exactly is the 12 days of TCB?

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To which I respond, I don't know. I just agreed to it. I just thought it sounded cool. On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me Frankie B. Something like that. And then we're gonna go down the road. We're gonna review some of our favorite content from 2024. We're gonna zhuzh it up a little bit. And then we're gonna...

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Hopefully new videos from Frankie B and Teresa Caputo and Mountain Monsters and all the good stuff. All the faves. All the faves. Basically, we'll turn back the dial to early 2024 when we all felt like the world might have a chance of hanging on.

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It's a new year.

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Yes, and we'll look forward to Armageddon in 2025. All right, let's take a break and we'll be back.

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Okay.

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Oh, I also wanted to tell you that next Saturday, the Saturday after Thanksgiving, Chrissy, we will have a bonus TCB infomercial episode with a very special guest. I hope you tune in. One of the more popular... Nice. Nice.

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30th. It'll be the 30th. November 30th, special TCB infomercial. Tune in, you'll know who it is once you see it. And why can't I tell you who it is now? Because I'm not 100% sure that they're actually coming in to do the interview. So there you go. Sometimes we get ghosted. Get ghosted. Okay, first we have a very simple red flag from one of our listeners. Not going to name it just in case.

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I'm not going to name her just in case, but I know it is her. And here it is. It says, okay, red flags. You wanted one. And here's one that I wish I had seen and recognized in my partner long before I got involved. Wenn your partner is uncharacteristically quiet around your family and friends.

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It's as if they can't even fake pleasantries, but then they shower you with love and affection in private. Sincerely, the survivor of long time abuse. So, from North Carolina. Yes, I agree with you.

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When someone is a different person with you outside of the house than they are inside the house or in private, that is a huge red flag and one that I experienced in said relationship that was toxic for me. Ist that things were different inside the house than they were outside the house, whether it be they were worse inside the house than they were outside. It's almost as if nothing happened.

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I mean, sometimes there would be acting out outside the house, but or sometimes there would be it would be like we were boyfriend girlfriend inside the house. But then when we go to social functions as if we didn't know each other or we were just friends or, you know. It was really strange. It was like a switch flipped. I don't know if you've ever experienced this, but it is rather disconcerting.

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Ja, gut für ihn. Well, I mean, I think Denzel is a big guy, right? In general, he's like a big boned guy. He's not a small human being. And when you see him in person, you realize that. But it's not like he's in great shape every movie. I mean, you know, think back on some of his, like now he looks a little skinnier, a little more taut, like older in age.

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And I do think it's a big red flag. When someone can switch like that or they refuse to give you the kind of attention and affection that they do normally. Listen, I can understand people don't like PDA. Like some people just are not into PDA, right? Astrid's not into PDA. She doesn't like a bunch of like, you know, someone sucking her neck while we're

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When there is like a total flip of the switch, like it's lights on, lights off, as soon as you exit the home or get in a social situation, especially around your friends and family, that is weird. And you do need to monitor behavior closely at that point. Because why? Why are you being so different when we're in a social situation than you would be? It's either because you want to...

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Yes. I call it being hidden, right? It's like when people want to hide you or they want to hide the relationship or they want to hide the fact that you're together. And we're not talking about people who are having affairs where it is known that you're just going to be hidden, right? We're talking about like an open relationship where they're hiding you for some reason.

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They're hiding their affection. They're hiding their attention. That's a huge red flag. Like I think... I think in that case you should probably think long and hard about whether or not you really want to be in a relationship with somebody.

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You and Jeff are first dating, right? And you're in the house and it's all shits and giggles. And you're making love and having fun and, you know, all of this other stuff. Maybe even like holding hands around the apartment complex or when you take a private walk together. Private walk together? What's a private walk together?

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In our pasture. Down the field. Down the private beach in the Hamptons. And the Hamptons. And the Hamptons. Property. Yeah, right on the belt line, that private walkway that you guys have right behind you. But then you get into a social situation where his friends and family or other people that he knows are there and he kind of like puts you off. He's like, he won't hold your hand.

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He doesn't want to be affectionate. He doesn't like, you know, there's no terms of endearment. It's almost as if you guys are friends, right? Yeah, no, that would be weird. That would be a red flag. I think that's what she is referring to here.

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I think she's saying that it just got really, he got standoffish almost when she was around in social situations with friends and family too, which is like a huge one. Because you would think, even if you don't like PDA, like the place you could be safe giving attention and affection to your loved one would be around friends and family. Like that's your tree of trust.

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That's your little nest, right? Yeah. That is the nest.

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She's saying her friends and family.

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Maybe, maybe. But, you know, I think there's also this thing, and I think we might get into this later on in some other stories, but there's also this thing that I noticed was happening in my own toxic relationship, is that the slow nature of cutting off friends and family too. Oh, well, that's true. Right? The kind of the cornering of... Ja. Ja.

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ist, dass manchmal, wenn die Energie verändert wird, es in einem Versuch ist, deine Energie zu verringern. Es muss auf mich auf jeden Fall sein. Ich gebe dir nichts jetzt, aber ich möchte nicht, dass du diese Energie auf jemand anderes verwendest. Das ist gefährlich. Wenn jemand versucht, dich von Freunden und Familie auszuwählen, musst du raus. Raus sofort. Das erste Zeichen davon.

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Raus sofort, weil es nie gut enden wird. Du willst nicht in einer Beziehung mit einem verdammten Arschlöcher isoliert sein. Das willst du nicht tun. That's why for many years no one dated Brian. No one wanted to be in a room with a dick. Ah, that's not true. Alright. This one is affectionately referred to as the Red Flag Rodeo, Chrissy. The Red Flag Rodeo. I like this.

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They're naming their stories now. Hey there, TCB crew, 30-year-old single woman living in the fabulous city of Chicago. And boy, do I have a wild story for you. Buckle up, because I think it's a classic case of not love is blind, but love is blind to red flags. Okay, here we go. I met this guy in a dating app. He seemed awful charming.

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He had a killer smile and we hit it off over our mutual love of pizza and terrible puns. I thought, finally, this is my catch. This is my dude. But as I quickly learned, this guy became a whole buffet of red flags. Ten red flags I'm going to name to be exact. Ten. She's going to give us ten.

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Ready? Number one, the lack of communication. At first, he was very sweet. But after a few dates, I noticed he never wanted to talk about his own feelings. When I brought up my bad day or anything personal, he just changed the subject to fantasy football or some other bullshit I didn't care about. I was like, dude, I'm not trying to draft a quarterback.

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I just want to share what my weekend was like. Okay, yeah, alright. That's number one. People that are shut down emotionally, certainly a red flag for sure. Number two, his controlling behavior. It started small. He'd make comments about my wardrobe choices or what makeup I was wearing. He'd say things like, are you really wearing that to the bar? I mean, that's like, that's not a little red flag.

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That's not subtle. That's a big one. Okay, I can see where this is going. Excessive jealousy. One night I went out with my girlfriends and he blew up my phone. He would not stop texting and calling. He would say things like, who's that guy you're talking to? Do you think he's cute? How did he even know who you were talking to? That's weird.

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And I mean, yes, the dude I was talking to was cute, but that's not the fucking point. Did I sign up for a relationship with a personal investigator or a real human being? Okay, yes. Well, listen, this one I got to take a little umbrage with. Yeah, that's the same way. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

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He's lost some of that like muscle weight and body weight. But there's a few movies where he's kind of got like dad bod going on, if I remember correctly. So that jives, you're drinking two bottles of wine a day. You're going to have dad bod.

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talking to a handsome dude at the bar and then saying that he was handsome is not going to really upset me all that much. But if it was a pattern, if it was going on all the time, I would see that as a red flag for you. I'd be like, why do you constantly need the attention of other men? That feels to me like you're looking for a reason to cheat.

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But this sounds like She went out with her girlfriend and then all of a sudden he, I think he, was he following you?

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Because that is a red flag. Now it's Frankie V. Now he's got the phone out and shit's going sideways. Alright, Gaslighting. Wenn ich ihn über die Leidenschaft verabschiedete, tat er, als ob ich überreaktiere. Er sagte, du bist dramatisch. Es war nur ich, der dich interessiert. Ich wollte nur dafür sorgen, dass du sicher und okay bist. Niemand, ich sagte, das interessiert mich nicht.

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Das ist Manipulation. Again, I think this is a bit of a gray area here. Like, I don't think he's caring about you, but I think he's caring about whether or not you're going to be hooking up with other dudes. That I can kind of understand. So, I'm just trying to play devil's advocate here a little bit. Otherwise, I think you're spot on. Uh... Oh. Okay.

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And I said, sure, let's just throw my self-esteem down where your fantasy football league is. Okay, yep.

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I think she hated the dude who spent a lot of time on fantasy football, I think is what's going on. Well, let me share this. This is true, is that there are people, when you make fun of each other inside the room, right, when it's the two of you, it's scientifically noted that that is a way to deepen your relationship, when you can poke fun at each other's foibles and coibles.

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But I have often said, and I say this to Astrid all the time, love is not bouncing on an open nerve. If someone has anxieties or is self-conscious or has some kind of issues around themselves, and we all know what these are if you've been in a relationship for a while, you don't then bounce on those and use it for either laughter or to poke at someone outside of the room. You just don't do it.

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Yeah. Highly disrespectful. And quite frankly, it's the sign that you're not caring for somebody. You're doing the exact opposite. You're not caring for them. It's not that you are caring for them. It's that you're not caring for them. I agree with this one 100%. I'm with you. We're here. Dr. Phil in the house. Inconsistent behavior.

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One minute he told me I was sweet as pie and the next he'd act cold and distant. Just like our first lady from North Carolina. I felt like I was dating a mood ring. I could never figure out what color I was supposed to be.

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Yes, this is, I forget what they call this, but this is when, love bombing, when you love bomb somebody, they're the best, you can't, you know, I love you, there's nothing wrong with you, I can't believe you're...

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with me you're my savior you're my hero and then 15 minutes later you cannot do a goddamn thing right it's called love bombing they give you the love and then they take it away they give you the love and then they take it away and it's in an effort to control your emotional well-being it's in an effort to break you down whether they consciously understand that or not i think some people do but what they're doing is that they're trying to control you just like you you say here

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Yes, big red flag, Chrissy. I agree. Okay. Right, and bad communication. Hast du jemals jemanden gehabt, der so verdammt defensiv wird? Sie werden so verdammt defensiv über jedes verdammte Ding, über das du reden willst. Das macht mich verrückt. Und ich weiß, dass ich das auch schuldig bin. Manchmal werden wir alle verdammt defensiv über eine Sache oder die andere.

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He's really like a real life superhero. And the thing is, is that Denzel plays Denzel in every movie. Just like Tom Cruise plays Tom Cruise in every movie. Like Will Ferrell plays Will Ferrell in every movie. Like, you know, there's just some people who don't act. They're just themselves. And we enjoy watching whatever version of themselves is on. And Denzel's one of those.

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Aber das ist einer, wo ich sagen würde, ja, große rote Flagge. Es ist ein Beweis, dass du die emotionale Maturität hast, um Dinge herauszufinden. Und dein Partner hat nicht die emotionale Maturität, um mit dir zu sitzen. Ja, du musst durch Dinge arbeiten. Natürlich. Oder sie sind auch nur fester. Ja. Yeah, this is tough. Yeah, this sounds like a shitty relationship altogether.

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I don't know why you were in this one. Number nine, physical aggression.

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That's not even a red flag.

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That's definitely a line. It's not allowed. This one is a bit extreme, but let me clarify. One time, he got frustrated while playing a video game. Video games and fantasy football sounds like you just have a... It sounds like your picker's off, actually. Yeah. Yeah, it could have been an accident. And who amongst us hasn't thrown something against the wall at some point?

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Like, you know, sometimes you hit a pillow, you know, kick the dirt. You sometimes... Throw a golf club. Yeah. Toss blue in the pool. You know, like, who amongst us hasn't gotten a little frustrated? I mean... If it's not physical aggression towards you... Yeah, I thought that's what it was. Okay, me too.

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But if it's physical aggression and you feel like it could have been you, or if it was because of you, like if you're in an argument and he threw the lamp against the wall, bad news. If he's mad at a video game and he shoved over the lamp because he was mad at the video game, yeah, I would take note of it. But I don't know that that would be a huge red flag for me.

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But I think also if you think back on Denzel's career, it's not like he's shirtless running through the scene. He's always got like some sweater on.

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It would just be like, dude, you need to... learn how to control your anger a little bit. It's a video game. Rev down. As Chrissy would say, rev down! Ja, ja, ja, ja. I thought, thanks for the vote of confidence, man. Maybe I'll just walk into the meeting with a sign that says, I'm going to be a disaster.

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If Astrid didn't support me, we would have ended this podcast episode number three. Do you know what I'm saying? Same with Jeff. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Be safe, be funny. I'm going to whack off. See you later.

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Okay, so wrap it up. Oh, we love you. Okay, thank you. That was good. I liked it. And she broke it down step by step for us so that we could tell which red flags. I agree with most of them. Some of them I think are a little bit gray area.

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Ja, ein paar von denen waren größer als andere. Und einige von ihnen hatten ein bisschen Grün. Wir würden wahrscheinlich mehr Details brauchen, um die Person direkt zu kennen. Aber ich sage, in einigen, im Allgemeinen, eine große, große, toxische rote Flagge. Dieser Typ war für dich in der Länge nicht gut.

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Also ein paar Monate, ich denke, du bist dir glücklich, dass du nur eine sehr schlechte Erfahrung hattest.

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Ein paar Monate, nicht viele Jahre. Ja. Let's get a little bit more complicated, Chrissy, in a polyamorous relationship. Polyamory red flags. When we return, we'll get to that from one of our wonderful listeners. We'll be back.

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Gladiators 2.

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All right, I'll turn on my microphone. Why not?

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Start there. Well, I just thought it was broken as it is. So I've decided the new studio configuration. The commercial break is going to spend wisely and get a new microphone for Brian and give the broken one to Christina. So that way, hopefully, when I don't like what she's saying, it'll just cut itself off. Poor Christina.

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Actually, we love Christina and she'll be here with us pretty soon, every episode here in the studio, producing us live and hopefully sharing her thoughts here and there when appropriate, Christina. Learn to stay in your lane. Red flag from Brian. Learn to stay in your lane.

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Yes, that's true. Like, we've decided that we just need some backup here because we so many times don't know what the fuck we're talking about. And we don't, it's not a good look to just then spend 30 dead air seconds trying to google something.

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So, plus, just so many wonderful things we could do if we had an extra pair of hands and an actual brain in here. So, between the three of us, we'll have one brain and we'll be able to figure things out. Our polyamorous friend from Los Angeles wrote us a letter. A 23-year-old living in Los Angeles.

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They have a story that hopefully will make us laugh, cringe and maybe even rethink our dating choices, Chrissy. So grab your kombucha, she says, and settle in as I take you through a whirlwind experience and a polyamorous relationship that was more tangled than my earbuds on a trip to the gym. Well, you shouldn't be using... First of all, you should never use wires at the gym.

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You know what I'm saying? I've seen so many people with those wire things. They just fly out of their heads and their heads go knocking into something. Don't use wires at the gym. Go to earless. Okay. I met an amazing couple, Alex and Jamie, at a local queer coffee shop one night. They were fun, charismatic, and they also had effortless chemistry that was downright enviable.

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After a few flirty conversations and a couple of mind-blowing group hangouts, they invited me to join their relationship. Okay. I thought, what could go wrong? I mean, it's LA. We're all about love, acceptance and sharing, right? And to be honest, polyamory and the queer lifestyle in LA is spot on. It's not unusual. Spoiler, what could go wrong? Spoiler alert, a lot.

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Right off the bat, I noticed that communication was like a game of charades, but nobody knew the rules. When I'd ask about their boundaries or how they envisioned our dynamic, it was like trying to extract information from some secret society. They just would say things like, we'll figure it out as we go. No. Yeah, because that always ends well, she said. Yeah, no. Yeah, no, no, no, no.

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I hear you. You gotta have clear boundaries right off the bat. And oh boy did the jealousy rear its ugly head right from the beginning. One night I ended up going to a concert with Alex. I'm assuming this is the male in the relationship. I don't know if Alex and Jamie are a man and a woman or a man and a man. I'm not really sure. But when Jamie found out

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They sent me a text message that read, I hope you're having fun without me. Thanks for the invite. I mean, it was a concert, not a funeral, and I tried to reassure them, but it felt like I was navigating a minefield with every word. Yeah.

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I mean, come on. Yeah, I agree. If you're going to be in a throuple, then you got to understand that at times it's not going to include you. Isn't that like the benefit of being in a throuple sometimes? Okay, I don't have to worry about it.

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That's right. Ask that guy from Sister Wives. That's working out. It's working out just fine for him. Everything turned out roses. Hahaha. Well, yeah, that's a red flag. Definitely.

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Absolutely. First of all, no boundaries.

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Yeah, we'll figure it out. You're horrible.

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Yeah, that's like, I don't know, that's like trying to stick it in the butt the first time you make out with somebody, right? It's like, when you have no boundaries... Dann sind die Grenzen überall. Und dann werden sie einfach hier und da auftauchen. Und es wird für jeden, der verletzt ist, machen.

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Wenn du die Linie überschreitest. Und dann, wenn du die Linie überschreitest, gibt es Konflikte. Und das ist unnötig. Weil du von Anfang an gesagt hättest, ich mag es nicht, dass du mit... Right. Yeah. So this is, I see this, this is definitely a red flag.

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But I have to say this, my friend, I do believe some of this, and you're 23 and everyone's learning, but I do have to say, you'll learn this as you go along. Some of this might be on you a little bit too. Like you could have also said, hey, what are the dynamics here? What are we, what's going to go on? Or I don't like this, or I would like this.

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If I go through all that trouble, I want it to be in the movie. Yeah, okay. All right. Gladiators 2 is coming out, I think, this weekend. It's Friday, so I think it's coming out this weekend. What do you think about that? I think it's just like Twisters.

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So, but let's read through it and maybe we'll find out they did. Okay. One night after a particularly awkward group outing, I tried to adjust how I felt as the third wheel. Instead of owning up to any miscommunications, Alex shot back with, maybe if you hadn't been so quiet, we wouldn't have had these problems. I was like, excuse me?

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I didn't realize that I needed to be the one directing the relationship to fit in. Yeah, this is all miscommunication.

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This is really about miscommunication. This is a tale as old as time. Miscommunication. Both Alex and Jamie were very sweet, but when it came to discussing feelings, it really was like pulling teeth. I tried to have heart-to-heart conversations. They deflect with jokes or they would change the subject. I felt like I was trying to perform brain surgery without any training. Extremely difficult.

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slightly terrifying. It was like a high wire act and I always fell off the wire. Okay, this is it. When I broached the subject, an example, when I broached the subject of where we were heading as a trio, the conversation often turned awkward. Jamie would say things like, let's just enjoy the moment.

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Well, that's great and all, but I'm not trying to invest in a relationship that's like a pop-up store at the mall. I need some stability. I need to know where we're going and what we're doing. Fair enough. Okay. There's more to this. Und nach ein paar Monaten habe ich bemerkt, dass die Grenzen mehr wie Vorschläge zu ihnen waren. Meine Grenzen waren mehr wie Vorschläge zu ihnen.

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Ich hätte etwas gesagt wie, ich brauche ein bisschen Zeit alleine und sie würden antworten mit, oh, komm schon, wir brauchen nur noch eine weitere Spielabend. Oder warum fühlst du dich nicht, mit uns zu hangen? Das bedeutet, du willst nicht mit uns sein. Sie pressierten mich into feeling like my boundaries weren't real expectations that needed to be met.

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I felt like I was always on this tight rope and I was just one step from the abyss. I always felt guilty for wanting personal space or trying to get my personal needs met. Yes.

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Yes, I think this is a tale about a couple who was looking for a little bit of excitement, brought you into the relationship, played with you like a toy, and then decided when or when not to discard you and your feelings. Which, by the way... From my own knowledge of throuples, it's kind of how it goes, right? I mean, we know some people. And for years, they wanted a girlfriend. It's a couple.

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They wanted a girlfriend. And they would bring in young girl after young girl after young girl, some for longer times than others, that really ended up becoming babysitters, nannies, people to clean their house. But they would come and go, not as... Oh, ja. I don't think they were trying to be, I don't think they were trying to misrepresent or be mean or be abusive.

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Right, it's a formula. It's a formula, and it's been 25 years since the first one.

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I don't think that's what it was. I think that's just what happened in the end. So, you know, throuples, again. Seems tricky. Polyamory, French for my relationship's not working.

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Das scheint einfach sehr, sehr schwierig zu sein. Okay, true. Strong, strong communication.

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It wasn't my favorite movie, but I get it. I get why people like it. And so, yeah, so now the new version is coming out. It's already made like a hundred million dollars globally. And so it's going to make another five hundred million dollars here in the United States. And, you know, it's Thanksgiving weekend.

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Absolutely. So here I am, single and ready to mingle, but with a much clearer vision of what I want in a relationship. Wow, you live and you learn. Yes. Thanks for listening. If you know anybody that's looking for a 23-year-old third, let me know. Whether you're in a monogamous or polyamorous relationship, communication is the key. Don't ignore red flags.

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Cheers to you all navigating the wild world of love with laughter and care as you always do. Oh, that's very sweet.

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You obviously haven't been listening for very long. There you go. There you have it. I mean, she said it. She got it in the end.

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It really was just about communication. You want to hear one more? Let's do it. Why not? Let's go for one more.

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Yes, I agree with you.

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Some things you do just kind of have to go through on your own. When you're 23 years old and this is... Es ist hart genug, es mit einer Person in der Mischung herauszufinden.

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Wenn du die gesellschaftliche Wahl hast, mehrere Menschen in der Mischung zu haben, dann musst du mit mehreren emotionalen Situationen und unterschiedlichen Emotionen und unterschiedlichen Boundaries und unterschiedlichen Respektniveaus umgehen. That is really difficult to do. Like when I was 23 years old, I could barely understand what my own boundaries were, let alone anybody else's.

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I'm not even sure I had any, right? And so I do agree with Chrissy on this one. You will learn as you go along. It's not like I'm here to tell you that I'm some wise, like I'm the third wise man. Wait, you are guru.

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So those movies tend to like those big tentpole movies tend to do or will be Thanksgiving weekend. They tend to do very well. The studios know what they're doing. And then they're up against Reindeer Nose Five or whatever. Santa Claus Death Squad X. Yeah, that's a rock.

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Welcome to the studio, Christina. I'm going to meet Christina with my coffee breath every morning.

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That lady was crazy. All right. I don't know if I might get my pages mixed up here, but let's just see if we could put this together.

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Okay, oh, here we go. I see what's going on here now. Okay. Alright, I'm going to call this the rainbow red flag story. Hey everyone, 30 furry old guy living in sunny Miami, Florida. Let me tell you, my dating life has been a tropical storm. Beautiful from afar.

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Sie sind sehr süß. I met Brad at a local bar during Drag Queen Bingo Night. Nice. He was charming, had great taste in cocktails and could recite every lyric from Wrecking Ball. Like he was auditioning for a Broadway show. I thought to myself, finally a catch. But soon I realized he was more like a catch and release. Fun of games until you realize he's slippery and slimy.

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Our first date went smoothly until I realized I had to pull teeth to find out anything about him. So what do you do for fun, I asked. And he would reply with something like, I watch Netflix. Great, but what shows? I mean, this man treated conversation like a game of dodgeball. Every question that was thrown his way would be answered with the fewest amount of words possible.

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After a few dates, he started suggesting what I should wear. He would say stuff like, you should never really wear that blue shirt. Or that red brings out the worst in your eyes. I mean, sure, I can appreciate a compliment, but if I wanted a stylist, I'd call my mother. Okay. Oh, cool. I didn't realize I needed your approval to talk to other human beings. I said, okay, but come on, man, really?

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I mean, come on. It's PG-13, first of all. If you're gonna make a movie like that, go all in and just make it a ruckus rated R, you know, die hard type movie. But Santa Claus X, Raid Deer No. 5 or whatever it is, like, I don't know. I've seen the trailers and it looks terrible. And it is terrible, according to everyone.

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I mean, you're over there chatting up hot guys again. Here we go with this kind of gray area. Ja. One night he was dancing on tables, the next he'd be sulking in the corner, staring into his drink, and it was like a crystal ball was trying to predict his future. I felt like I was dating two different people. Or maybe this was just a Jekyll and Hyde situation.

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Or bipolar, that's right. I mean, that's a real thing. Of course. Our first fight was over the last slice of pizza. Yes, I said it, that's true. Instead of talking about it, he slammed the pizza box shut. And... and refused to talk to me. This whole situation... Oh, wait, one second. Once again? Okay.

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Once again, communication and not paying attention to some pretty obvious red flags. Though, I do have to say, if he's telling you that maybe that shirt doesn't look good on you, he's upset that you're talking to hot guys at the bar, and he on occasion is a little bit moody, I don't know if those are red flags or if you just met the wrong guy for you. You know what I'm saying?

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This is not like our first writer who clearly had... Really serious red flags that she was avoiding or not paying attention to. This seems more like a mismatched couple to me. I'm just saying that. No offense to you or to Brad. I'm just thinking to myself that if you had... If you knew what you wanted, this was not it.

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If you wanted to be able to talk to hot guys at the bar and not have someone that was jealous, if you wanted someone that was consistently upbeat and never, you know, kind of got in a sour mood, always looked at the glass half full, and you wanted someone who would not talk, you know, like not tell you what they think of what you're wearing, there is a person out there for you, right?

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And it just didn't seem like Brad was that guy. I'm just trying to give Brad a little bit of a break here because it doesn't sound like Brad was a bad guy. Just sounds like Brad was, you know, your guy. Yeah, that's right. So there you go. Look at that. We got a kaleidoscope of stories from our wonderful listeners.

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They took the time. They wrote it out. One even had bullet points. Yeah. They bullet pointed out the behavior. Yeah, that's right. Kommunikation ist wichtig in jeder Beziehung, sei es ein-zu-ein,

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I think that's the number one thing you should do, is learn how to communicate with yourself first. And then you will never question how somebody else communicates with you. Because if they don't do it the right way, it's not respectful. With trust and with love, you'll know it immediately and you won't like it. Right? That's it. Jogi Hodli, do it again. Jogi Hodli, do it again.

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Aber, okay, ich glaube, manche Leute werden... Das Film hat schon 38 Millionen Dollar verdient oder so. Es ist einfach unglaublich, wie viel Geld diese Dinge bringen. Aber wenn es 200 Millionen Dollar kostet, ist es ein Wettbewerb, den man macht. Also, wir werden dich auch auf Gladiators posten.

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We've come to the rescue. Of course, all three of those people are now out of those relationships. But we could have told you if you would have hit us up back then. Or maybe you did and I just didn't respond.

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Never are we leaving. It's going to go on forever and ever. We just love you to death. Thank you so much. Für all the kind words, stick with us. It's gonna get better, I promise. The show and life in general. Text us, 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, we take them all. TCBpodcast.com.

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More information about the show, the audio, the video and your free sticker. Add the commercial break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok and youtube.com slash the commercial break for soon every episode of the commercial break on YouTube and Spotify video. All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for right now.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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Ja, alle wollen Brian, um zu erinnern, wie viel Geld andere Menschen machen. Das ist spannend. I don't know, consider me your trash can for all information you don't need. I'll put it out there for you. Drama drop in the chicken fry drama. The Zach Bryan chicken fry drama. Chicken fry now claims that she has video of Zach Bryan being abusive, like throwing things at her during an argument.

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And she has threatened to release that video. And the guy from Barstool Sports says, Ja, du musst das Video veröffentlichen. Und sie ist einfach bedroht, weil Zach Bryan etwas Schlimmes über ihre Katzen sagt oder so. Was? Er spricht Scheiß über eine Katze. Ich weiß nicht. Es ist wie, es ist sehr aus der Hand geworden. Und warum wir überhaupt bei diesem Punkt interessiert sind, ich weiß es nicht.

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Aber Dave Portnoy macht das. Dave Portnoy macht, was ich glaube, Howard Stern has done so well for so long, which is make you care about people you otherwise don't give a shit about, right? He makes it into a big drama. He puts it on the front page of some, you know, rags and stuff like that. But that chicken fry, listen, apparently Zach Bryan is a walking red flag.

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And that's our topic today is relationship red flags. But Zach Bryan is apparently a walking red flag. I mean... Du schickst Dinge an die Leute, du verabschiedest deine Freundin, weil sie einen bestimmten Art von Kleidung trägt. Du sprichst, du verbreitest mit Leuten.

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Yeah, you keep going. Okay. Yeah, or you're like this. Like, you're just holding your phone like this. Like, you don't know that I'm filming you.

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I got into an argument once with a girl that I was dating, who you know. Like, the one you know.

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And I got into an argument with her, and it was so bad. I mean, again, it takes two to tango. So I don't want to, like, throw all the blame on just one person. I don't want to sound like, you know, I'm great and everybody else is terrible. But this was a tough relationship.

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And there were issues. Yeah, it was toxic and there were issues. And that probably went beyond anything I had the ability to help or whatever. But anyway, we got into an argument and she went so insane that My best friend called me while the argument was happening and I just answered the phone. I didn't say hello, I just answered the phone. And then this went on for like half an hour.

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I mean, she was screaming, yelling, throwing things around the apartment. You wanted a witness. Yeah, I almost did. It was like a weird, I don't know, like self-preservation thing. I don't know why I did it, but I did it. And then I went to...

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work later on that day I saw my best friend and he was like I heard that whole thing he's like that is insane bro and I think part of the reason is because sometimes you get gas lit right it's like Dinge können schlecht sein, aber jemand anderes kann es so machen, als wäre es schlecht, weil du es bist. Du bist derjenige, der verrückt ist. Du bist derjenige, der ausmacht.

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Du bist derjenige, der dieses Verhalten führte. Du bist so schrecklich. Deshalb mache ich das. Und es gibt zwei Seiten zu jeder Geschichte. Ich weiß, dass ich manchmal, wenn ich über diese Beziehung spreche, sage, dass ich etwas falsch gemacht habe. Das ist nicht wahr.

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But the wrong that I did was stay in it way too long and it was clear from the beginning that I was just an irritant to this human being. Why did I stay around? I mean, that was it, right? But it was just like some kind of self-preservation that happened there.

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Oh man, was it. In and out, in and out, in and out. What is that? And it goes in and out, in and out. Mama has a squeezebox, never lets me sleep at night. The stupidest song that whoever wrote. Chicken Fry responds. I'm just trying to, I want to get you up to speed on this, because if we're going to go, if we're going to do it, let's just do it.

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Oh, Chicken Fry now says she was in intensive therapy following the breakup. Country music ex-girlfriend makes troubling abuse claims and now deleted video. Wait, where is this about the... And now deleted video. She deleted the video.

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Yes, she said she had a video and then she deleted that video where she said she had a video. Okay. Video, Zach, Brian. Okay, I just...

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The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

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LaPaglia. LaPaglia. Chicken Fry LaPaglia threatened to release a video of the country singer Zach Bryan abusing her. This follows him taunting her with her beloved cat stumps. Their messy breakup has been incredibly messy after when it all started that Bryan announced their breakup online, leaving the podcast star blindsided. Bryan, you? Yeah, Bryan. Zach Bryan.

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I'll just send it to you, said Chicken Fry. This is becoming a real shit show. This is like, now you're getting into he said, she said territory. I think you could have left it out. Zach Bryan was a shithead. He's posting pictures of your cat. Who really fucking cares? I mean, honestly, just ignore the guy. He's obviously trying to taunt you. But you could, I mean...

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Wenn du in Zach Bryans Geschichte geschaut hättest, hättest du gewusst, dass er eine Geschichte hatte, dass er mit Leuten verabredet wurde, ohne ihnen zu sagen, dass er mit ihnen verabredet wurde. Er hatte eine Freundin oder er war verabredet oder so etwas. Und die Frau wusste nicht, dass sie verabredet wurde oder verabredet wurde, bis sie Papier in die Mail von einem Anwalt bekommen hat.

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Das ist eine wirklich dreckige Weise, das zu tun. Wenn du verabredet wirst. Das ist wirklich schrecklich. Das ist wirklich schrecklich. Es sollte nicht so gemacht werden. Zach Bryan might be good at country music, but he's bad at relationships and maybe abusive. So I'd caution the next person who finds him on, what is that website? Oh, God. Raya? Is it Raya? Is it Raya or Raya?

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Do you think we could get on that website? I don't think so. I think you gotta have more than a million followers or something. I don't have more than a million followers.

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I did find that I have a lot of LinkedIn contacts.

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A ton of LinkedIn, like 10,000 LinkedIn contacts. It's so easy to collect, you know, because it's for business. Everybody wants to connect with you for some reason or the other. Yeah, and I never asked to connect to anyone else. I mean, I think I did at first, but it's all just people just reaching out to me to connect or following me or whatever they do.

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And so I opened that up for the first time in years, probably yesterday. Last night. Yeah, last night to check in on old comings and goings. They were talking about you.

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All the old Clear Channel folks. And you have 10,000 plus contacts. And I'm like, no shit. I'm pretty popular. Go figure. Of course, half of them are names I can't say and they want to know if I want part-time work from home where I make $10,000 a day. I can't believe we're not following up on those. No, I just don't have that kind of time. I'm too busy making no money here.

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I'm too busy trying to fulfill the promise here at the commercial break of making $10,000 a day. We'll get there. It'll happen soon. Alright, so today we are talking about relationship red flag. Everyone's got them, everyone knows them, everyone's been in that toxic relationship.

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I would think that most people, if you're over the age of, let's say, 25, you've been in a relationship where, hindsight, or maybe you're in a relationship where it's just plain toxic.

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And if you would have looked back, just taking the sheen off the relationship, taking the beer goggles off, maybe one less line of blow, you would see that it was clear from the beginning this wasn't going to work out for you and that this person was infected. Not your person.

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Drugs, alcohol, sex. Those three things are the gateways to toxic relationships. Swear to God they are.

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Ja, ja, gateway, like sleeping with somebody once, not a toxic relationship. Of course, unless then you need to, you know, then you need to get a restraining order, like I did. Sleeping with them once, not a relationship, right? Just having a good night. Had a few of those, where I'm glad I didn't get into relationships with them. But you keep on drinking, drugging and or drinking.

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Ich bin gespannt, wie das aussieht. And we got a number of you that wrote in. I can't go over every red flag and I don't want to go over some of them twice. And a lot of them are very similar. Some of them very serious. But I did get three really juicy good stories out of this. I changed the names, the dates and the places to make sure I kept your anonymity. I don't want that.

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So you said this about Ariana Grande, but that's actually not true. Yeah. OK, right. If I opened my mouth, it's probably not true. So let's let's just get let's get that point across.

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Oh, we tried that. It didn't work. That didn't work very well. We tried a fact checker. They checked too many facts. They were too aggressively checking my facts. I didn't care for that. So, yeah, so the cat's out of the bag at the Starbucks. And what are you going to do? And it's spring equinox, so we're all just muddling through. I guess that's what happens. And then I read...

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There are some things, believe it or not, that I agree with with this current administration. And one of the things that at least was like tweeted about or tweeted or twatted or truth or whatever the fuck is going on. I don't know. Is that let's get rid of this time clock changing thing. And I couldn't be more in agreement with that sentiment. However, that is until I learned.

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That our good friend Donald Trump doesn't want us to have more sunlight. He wants us to have less sunlight. He thinks the clock should stay backwards and not forward. Which is the original time. Which is the original time. Yeah.

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Don't you want to be at the lake at 7.30, 8 o'clock at night with an extra hour of sunlight left or at the ocean or whatever it is you do, wherever it is you do. I spent time in Costa Rica, close to the equator, in case you're checking a map geographically. It's a little closer than I am right now. I spent time in Costa Rica, and it's 12 on, 12 off, no matter the time of year. Almost.

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Darlene will be back at the top of the hour to share some more wisdom. We'll be back after this commercial break.

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There's little changes. But it's much closer to even Stevens, if you know what I mean. I like that. 12 on, 12 off. You think you like it, but the sun comes up at like 5.30 and 6 in the morning, and then it goes down at 5.36 at night. I don't like that. I don't want the sun to go down at 5.36 at night. No, I agree.

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Besides putting my kids to bed, there is no downside, in my opinion, to having it be light out at 8 o'clock at night. And I know that then it stays a little darker, a little longer, and it's dangerous for the kids and the bus. I don't care about the kids with the bus. No. I want to have an ice cream in an outdoor mall when it's light outside.

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Sane people agree with that. But insane people want to give us less sunlight. They want to give us more sunlight at three in the morning when no one's fucking awake. And then everyone has to wake up earlier because the fucking chickens and all that bullshit. And then we don't get that sunlight at the end of the day. Can't you give us a fucking break?

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I get it. But listen, going to work in school is never going to be less miserable. Do you know what I'm saying? It's not going to be less miserable because the sun is out. That's not going to happen. You might be a few degrees warmer on those rare circumstances where, you know, the sun comes up and warms it up enough for you to feel it. But let's admit it.

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It's not like the sun pops up and all of a sudden it's 72 degrees in the middle of January. It's not how it works. First of all, second of all, you're never going to like going to work or school. Never going to happen. So it doesn't matter. Let's at least – this is what I'm trying to say to you, all you people who might agree with the clocks backwards –

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If we're going to have extra sunlight, let it be during the times when we're not supposed to be at work.

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That's right. When I was working 9 to 5, which was for about a year of my life. When I was working 9 to 5, there was nothing, nothing in the world that I loved more than to hit the whistle.

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The five o'clock whistle, hit it, quit it and go find a patio and sit there for a couple of hours with the sun shining on my face and drinking myself into oblivion because that's what Americans do because we're all fucking miserable. Okay, got it. So let's all get on the same page about this one. And I understand that Mr. Trump is easily persuadable in certain situations.

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On this episode of The Commercial Break...

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And I think we should all twat at him or X to him. I don't even know what we do anymore. Truth him, truthy, social or whatever it is. Is that even still a thing, true social?

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Yeah, that's where he takes all the money under the table. Let us all agree and hit him up and let him know that the way we actually want it is things to go forward, not backward, because it just doesn't make any sense. It makes no logical sense why you would want less sunlight at the end of the day when you're not working or at school. Let the kids have an extra hour of sunlight to play around.

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What? This sounds really complicated for a mythological dum-dum creature. Like, for a walking ape? Really?

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Let me have an extra hour of sunlight because that's just what I like. I don't even have working hours. We don't even have working hours here. But if we did, we'd want extra sunlight. And then the regular, you know, everybody else who works 9 to 5 or whatever it is, let them have an extra hour of sunlight too. And let us not forget about the people who work the overnight shifts.

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You know, if we're worried about the kids going to school... Without sunshine, standing out in the bus, waiting for the bus without sunshine. What about the dancers, the strippers that have to go to work at 8 o'clock at night? Are we not concerned about their safety also? That's right. We don't want them going to work in the dark. See, Brian's always thinking here.

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That's right. The short order cooks at Waffle House, the police officers, everyone who works that overnight shift starts at 8 o'clock at night. And we don't want them to be unsafe either. So, you know, what's good for the goose? It's good for the gander. That's right. We learned about that here at the School of Hard Knocks in the commercial book. It's Friday. I'm feeling a little squirrely.

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So I've decided to do something fantastic for the audience here. And this may be a two-parter we'll have to see. I pulled down the five scariest mountain monsters chases in mountain monster history. It's a compilation video. I wish I could tell you to go watch it on YouTube, but it's 95% likely it's going to get banned by Travel Channel or Discovery H plus minus max or whoever owns it.

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But we'll do our best. We'll do our best to get it up there. So why don't we do this? I know it's a little bit of a short segment. Let's take a break. And when we get back, we're going to get right into it with some of our favorite guys. Huck, Buck, Chuck, everybody. Huck, Buck, Chuck, Huckleberry No. 4 or 5 or whatever they're on. Let's take a break.

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When we get back, we'll do some mountain monsters for you. What do you think?

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We'll be back.

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Okay, man, has it been a long time since we've done a Mountain Monsters.

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I don't know, months at least. We probably haven't done any in 2020. Maybe we did one for the 12 days of TCB.

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I think so. And we'll probably do one for the 12 hours of TCB. Stay tuned. Okay, all right. So I'm just going to drop little hints here and there, but I think this one is coming together. I think this one we're definitely doing. Well, we have to now because we have people that are obligated to... We're obligated to have other obligations to have people do it. But anyway, 12 hours of TCB.

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Chew on that one, and we'll give you more details in April. But mountain monsters. Some of our favorite... This is one of my favorite comedy shows of all time, if I'm being real honest. The Mountain Monsters are a hilarious group of redneckersons that are out there chasing all kinds of monsters. From the Whisperwolves to the Pawpaw Poppers. Yes, Skinny John Popper.

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They're chasing these mythological creatures through West Kentucky, it seems like. And they made a compilation of the top five mountain monster chases or hunts, quote unquote. Hunts. Hunts. I love it.

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Bigfoot. Yeah. Bigfoot. Bigfoot. We've been here for four hours and we haven't recorded a fucking thing. My mouth's not working anymore. I mean, honestly, we've been here diddling around. I know. Oh, some days it all comes together and some days it doesn't. It's that sun over the equator. It's making my brain fry. It's the thought of having less sunlight that's driving me crazy. It really is.

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Yeah, it's now anything and everything and all kinds of made up shit and, you know, cow killing bastards and everything. But Huck, Chuck, Fuck, and Ron are back at it. The guy who yells too much.

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Bill, yeah. Yeah, it's Bill. It's Billy. Bill, yeah. Bill.

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Oh, he does. Their level of excitement on the cutaways gets very intense. Okay, here we are. Let's count down the top five. And we'll get started now. As soon as I press play.

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What we're seeing right now is a drone shot of a tree falling, and these guys are getting very excited because does a tree make a noise when it falls in the forest? I guess we're about to find out.

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The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

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And my teeth are falling out. Look at those teeth. Oh, that is a picture of dental health. I'm going to I'm I'm purposefully pressing pause here so I can show my children later.

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This is what happens. That's right. I got they're so scared. They're so scared about the same thing with my nephew. Oh, you got to do it. You got to tell them all the bad things that will happen. And you know what? They're mostly true. So at least you're not lying to them.

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He did. He said Bigfoot is celibate. He fucked that tree down.

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I want a cool name like Cowboy Ken. You call me Billabong Brian or something?

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Can you call me Backstreet Brian? Yeah, that's my new nickname, Backstreet Brian. Again, Huckleberry looks like a totally different human being. I swear to God they've had multiple Huckleberries. And why are they all wearing winter hats? It doesn't seem very cold outside.

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Ah, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe.

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It's like he's waiting for it to lift him off the ground.

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You know, whenever there's impending doom and danger and claws and teeth and bloody marks and lots of things on fire and blood splashing out of it, these guys will run right into it. They're the bravest guys I know.

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Look here, look here, look here. What do you got? What do you got, Buck?

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I guarantee that was pulled down with a thing. You can see the trail right behind it. Clearly there's been like a four-wheeler behind it. Gone. Gone. Son of a bitch. I've never seen so many quick shots of a fallen tree trying to make it look scary. I know.

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Look at this. Look at this. My gosh. Look at this. Look at this. Look at this.

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Why would they make a show like this? I fail to know the reasoning behind any of it. But it's highly entertaining. It is. I don't know, but look at this. We're all entertained by a falling tree. And ripped to pieces.

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And happy day after the spring equinox.

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That's that damn tree that Bigfoot ripped down. We know, Bill. We see it also. But thanks for pointing out the obvious.

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Yeah, it does look pretty sickly. I bet it didn't take a lot of force to just pull it down.

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The vernal. The venereal equinox, as I like to call it. It's when my syphilis flares up every year around this time. Large robot. I got a large robot penis. Oh, yes. The spring equinox when the technically when the sun rays are directly over the equator and then it moves to the then it moves to start shining on the northern hemisphere just a little bit more than it has before.

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You think he got mad because I had an erection? You think? Because he had a drone in there. Yeah, Bigfoot was upset.

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That's a good deal. You think he was upset I hadn't washed my jeans in two years? You think?

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Because I just... Who farted?

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Well, palm my dick and call me Rosie.

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What's IR? I don't know, but it sounds like we're watching NASA, like a SpaceX launch now. Kill the lights, go to AR. Capcom, go. Kill the lights and go to AR. Roger, Cap.

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So wait, let me get this straight. They kill the lights on the camera, but every single one of them is illuminated with a headlamp. Okay, gotcha.

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You ever seen a porn movie where the male in the movie smacks his erect penis on a vagina of a young, lovely woman? Well, that's called a tree knock. And what we do here is we run around whacking our necks against trees, hoping that Bigfoot does the same in response. It's his calling card.

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I'll be back here. It's snack time. I'm contractually obligated to have three snacks a half hour. All right.

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Man, that's a tree. I know, it's just a tree. It's an oak tree. Oh, my God. Geez. We're really desperate for some kind of attention here.

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It's a honey locust. Oh, interesting. You learn something new every day on Mountain Monsters.

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That's why it's 31 degrees in Atlanta. Welcome to spring.

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This looks like a tree yoni having her moon cycle.

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I'm telling you guys, I saw this on Instagram. It's called a devil tree. We're supposed to sacrifice to it by, I don't know, doing a little dancing and two stretches and a downward dog. We better get on our paws, boys.

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Oh, hell yes. You hadn't noticed that you were walking on a side-by-side trail before.

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The first thing on her list? Invest heavily in meme coin. She explains that meme coin is a low-risk, almost guaranteed return. Her second piece of advice? Pick up a second career. She explains that those signs on telephone poles where you can make $5,000 to $7,000 a week working from home are often true, and most people just drive by them.

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It's just come upon you that there's a side-by-side trail. Yeah.

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Okay, we've all been using cell phones for about 20 years now. And I guess whatever Raccoon Jim or whatever his name is has the inability to hold a phone straight so he can get an actual picture of something. Bigfoot nest, it's just like a bunch of weeds. Too far what? Let's start beating this trail. You ready?

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That's all we talk about is how miserable we are about the weather. It's too hot. It's too cold. The pollen's out. The sun is out. I don't know. But one of my kids was very excited about the spring equinox. He was like, it's the first day of spring, Dad. And I was like, yeah. I'm still wiping your ass. What's going on there? Maybe this is the first day of not wiping your ass. How's that?

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Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Listen, listen. I got my gun out.

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I think that's like the rule number one of gun safety is you don't use your gun as a pointer. Sounds like something's moaning or crying or something over there.

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Go easy. Has Bill ever gone easy on anything?

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No. No, meanwhile, these guys are having a stroll. You're not really having one notice too many side-by-side trails down here in Tiger Valley. You know, in 1947, Tiger Riley got his name because he found an actual tiger? No, I didn't know that, Buck. Meanwhile, these other three are pointing guns at each other.

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And again, there is nothing smarter, in my opinion, when it comes to safety and security than sending one team one way and one team the other way to circle back around when everybody's got guns. That's right. Take out the thermals. It's 42 degrees, max.

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Hmm. Something seems awful suspicious in Tiger Valley on this side-by-side trail. Pine limbs. I wonder where they come from. Probably the pine tree, Buck.

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Pine leaves and huckle fin and what was that? Huckle honeysuckle or whatever it was. Huckle honeysuckle. That's one creepy honey huckle suckle.

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Let me ask you a question. If they're in search of this supposed Bigfoot nest, why didn't the guy who found the Bigfoot nest just tell them where it is? Why didn't they just let him know? Why are they running around like this? Come on, Bongo, Brian. Yeah, come on, Captain Kim or whatever your name is. Cowboy Captain Kim. Guys, look at this.

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It's a ball of twine. What you guys can't see is that they're just, you're not missing anything. Like visually, you're not missing anything. They're just walking around the woods, picking up sticks and making, you know, illogical conclusions about it.

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But they just turned literally to the right and two feet in front of them is this big ball of sticks and twigs and pine and honeysuckle puckle and all this.

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No, they couldn't.

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Of course, Chrissy, it makes more sense when you can use the thermals. Number one. Number two. You turn on the IR. Number two. I'm pretty sure you would have seen that regardless of what day or time of night it is. The thing is huge. Yeah, it's big. Good crafting on behalf of the staff there, by the way. Wow, they have a lot of shots of it. You know what I'm saying?

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Because the older you get. The more manly your shit gets, the more I get disgusted. The other day I had to call Astrid. I was like, Astrid, I need your help on this one. I cannot deal with the smell. It is a man smell. Yes. Meanwhile, all 13 children are still visiting me in the morning in the tiny little cabinet that I have. Water closet or whatever you call it. They all come in. They file in.

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They seem like they've taken a lot of B-roll of this particular thing. Oh, and there's lights. Oh.

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There's a little door. That's right. Bigfoot, while he may not, you know, he might be the kind of creature that tears down trees and tree limbs and all that, he has excellent landscape and hardscape taste. He's got great lighting outside. I want that kind of lighting outside in our landscape, actually. Astro won't let me pay for it.

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I have also never seen tree lighting in the middle of the forest. But hey, what am I? Who am I? they have lights all around it they're not even pretending to hide them there's just lights like they have spooky uh atmospheric clearly set up professional lighting casting a ride at disney world that is a massive bigfoot mess

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Well, that was it. Yeah, they're not going to show you the end. Like, all these videos. And obviously, I don't have the rights to watch, though. I don't have any of the rights to do any of this. I'm just... This is under fair use. I'm making commentary on it. But on... They don't show the conclusion of any of these. Not most of them. What they really show is like the teaser.

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And then they want you to go watch the episode. But this is the five best hunts or the scariest hunts. So we're going to do number four in the next segment. I'm going to take a short break. We'll do number four in the next segment. And then if we need to, I guess we can just roll into. Why not? The guys and the kids love it out there. It's the only thing that they love, apparently, is the Bigfoot.

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But that's okay. I'll give you what you want. All right, let's take a break. We'll be back.

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All right, we're back with the boys from Mountain Monsters. We're checking out their five scariest hunts for various different monsters. We just saw them come across a Bigfoot nest that was well lit and actually looks kind of cozy.

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Or a fire fest or something, you know, like a glamping, like a glamping location. Do you know what I'm saying? All right, let's get back to it with number four. Here we go.

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Bigfoot. That's right. Just a little way more fangier. Lots more fangs.

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Well, that was descriptive.

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Well, that explains a lot. That explains a lot. That explains a lot of things that happened to me in the woods as a kid. It was the lightning man.

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Yeah. That's right.

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The Thunder Brothers.

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They talk to me. And I'm just like half asleep. I'm like, okay, guys, can I have a moment alone?

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It sounds like a gay porn duo. This Tuesday, the Thunder Brothers bring their variety review and striptease to Backstreet Atlanta.

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Some reason the Thunder Brothers left a pipe or the Lightning Man or whatever left a pipe that was too hot to touch. And they need it. For what reason? I don't know. It's like hieroglyphs in ancient Egypt. They need to get out of the tomb quickly. It's like a real Harrison Ford. So he's pissing on it. Oh, my God. Come on, guys. You're bringing this down. I thought this was a family show.

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Here, you grab it with your bare hands. Oh, lovely. Oh, that's nasty. Let's go.

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I'm surprised with my prostate.

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I was able to get anything out, but it dribbled out.

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I don't know. Why did he need to piss on it? Why did the other guy pick it up with his hands? Is piss really going to cool it off that much? Not there.

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They don't have noses, I don't think. I don't think smelling starts until you're like 20. I'm not sure what's going on there. It's awful. It's terrible. And I remember my father. I mean, we all remember our father's ass. Am I right or am I right? I don't. You don't? No. You don't remember your father's ass? Mm-mm. I mean, not like you. You know what I'm saying.

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And it's 15 after the hour here in the Rod Cunningham Diesel Depot studio. A check of traffic and weather right around the corner. But first, let's check on the markets. They're doing terribly and crab appleans are obviously concerned about the economy. WSHIT's consumer reporter, Darlene Stinkhand, has a few pieces of advice for those getting the jitters around the economy.

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That's right. He said he saw movement. I'd just start shooting. If it was me, I'd just start indiscriminately shooting into the air. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Just side to side like a movie hoping to hit something.

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Yeah, good deal. Get that lighter out. That'll shed a bunch of light on the situation. Nothing illuminates a room like a lighter.

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We're in trouble. I'm losing fluid. We're losing fluid. You couldn't hold the lighter that long anyway. No. It would explode in your hand. I'm out. Oh, that was conveniently quick. I've had Bic lighters for five years.

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That never ran out. Right. When I smoked cigarettes, I had one lighter, I swear to God, for five years.

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It never ran out of fluid. And I did a lot of things with that lighter. A lot. But I never chased a Bigfoot with it.

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However, he conveniently had it lit for 30 seconds and it ran out of fluid.

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I hear him. I hear him.

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Let's go. Here come the Thunder Brothers. Here come the Thunder Brothers.

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The smell of his ass, not his actual ass.

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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What are these guys doing? All of a sudden, it's an Indiana Jones adventure. It's a choose-your-own-adventure. This is a Dan Brown novel now. I don't know what's going on. Is that it? Is that it? That's it!

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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Oh, there it is.

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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Well, to cool it off, you see, I stuck it on my ass.

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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The Thunder Axe? What the fuck is a Thunder Axe?

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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Oh, my God. This has gone way out of control. Now it's a Marvel movie. Where's Thanos when you need him? That's it. We got it.

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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Yeah. Everyone's got guns, but they're all excited about a thunder axe made with lashing and a piece of shitty wood.

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The door was shut, but that doesn't mean I wasn't able to smell my father's shit. I mean, for God's sake. My mom was always sneaking around the house, I think, pooping when people weren't there. She was of that ilk where a lady never let her smell be known.

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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Yeah. This is like a 4chan board come to life. We call the Thunder Axe. Storm the Capitol.

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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What? This sounds really complicated for a mythological dum-dum creature. Like for a walking ape? Really? Yeah.

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We're going to have that Krispy Kreme 30, 40 yards out, and then we'll be back.

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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It was like your huck.

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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I heard something over here. This is just wild to me that they found a pipe. They pissed on it. Inside the pipe was a lashing that then they found a rock that then they put a piece of wood together to make a thunder axe. And that thunder axe needs to be touched by the lightning man. Then the Thunder Brothers inside the security box. And then I don't know what happens. What happens then?

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I don't know.

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Thy lady shall never let thy poop be known. That shall keep her asshole clean and tidy. But my dad, you know, you got to talk to your dad sometimes. And sometimes when you had a father that was very busy like mine, traveling a lot, you know, sometimes dad would call us. He had a water closet, too. The door's always closed, but it was in this larger bathroom. And sometimes in the morning, Brian!

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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Did you hear that very realistic explosion noise? That sounded like a cartoon.

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That was a lightning bolt right there. I guess Buck did have some extra fluid in his lighter. He did. He lit the tree on fire.

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Right. It was the first 22 years of his life. He took a short break in Paducah, and then he came back. Oh, knocked him right out of his shoes. Yeah.

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Right there. I mean, he shucked the ground. Let's forget about medical attention and recall exactly what happened.

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Oh, my tallywhacker. He's been pissing all over the place this time. He had to go. He had to go. That's all right. That's all right.

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That's all right.

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We always do.

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You're lucky to be alive. You're not going to be alive. Don't worry. We don't need any additional medical attention for that lightning strike. Yeah, no, you're fine. You might hear a buzz for a couple of days, and radios might turn channels when you walk by them, but don't worry about it.

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Said every woman he has ever slept with. Slow down. Ease in before the thunder man gets here.

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I don't know. It doesn't matter. It's all just moving cameras really fast so you can't see anything.

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Go easy now. I think you also shat yourself. I can smell it from here. I think it's pee-pee and poo-poo, if you know what I mean.

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I'd be like, oh, no. No. Dun, dun, dun, dun!

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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And the team quickly sent the Thunder Axe to the Smithsonian for additional research because, you know, the Thunder Axe and all that shit. All right. Everyone settle down. It's getting too loud in here.

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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Well, there just has never been a better episode. I love the mountain monsters.

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to death i just think this is the funniest show that has ever been it really is and it's hard for me to imagine that there is any human being out there that is watching this with any degree of seriousness but it's possible that there is someone out there believing this stuff and i feel bad for their relatives that's all i got maybe in the first couple of seasons but aren't they on like season 20

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I think they're actually only on season number eight or nine, but I believe that they are not making any more new Mountain Monsters. I think they canceled it. Yeah, right before you get that lucrative syndication contract. It always works that way.

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But don't worry. I think it's on Max right now. It'll float to Netflix or something like that. But what are those boys going to do after they get done with this? Do you think they made enough money to just kind of walk off into the sunset?

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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Well, you'd be surprised. I bet these guys live in Manhattan. They're probably in the Hamptons or something. I bet they clean up nice.

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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Yeah, for sure. They're living on some lake in Kentucky. And they'll always be famous to those who know. To those who want. Yeah. You know, it goes to show. Make content. Somebody out there will enjoy it. How many people, I don't know. But, you know, we love it. So that's it. You can keep making them forever. We'd keep breaking them down. All right.

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All the audio and the video is now and always has been available on our website at tcbpodcast.com. It's hot. It's a hot website. But you don't have to piss on it. Pick it up with your hand. Like I said, all the audio, all the video.

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Because that shit would burn the nose hairs right off you. I mean, my dad's a hearty guy from Chicago. He's not some, you know, diminutive little flower eater. That's not what he does. He doesn't eat roses for breakfast. He has, like, bacon, eggs, pot roast. I don't know what they eat in Chicago. You know, whatever they were eating. But he's a meat eater. But the other day, my son...

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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Yeah. I have no idea. That's a good question. Hit the contact us button if you want your free swag. Give us your address. We'll send you some. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. Add The Commercial Break on Instagram and YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break. for all of the episodes the same day they air here on the audio feed.

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Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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One of my sons, he can wipe his own ass. He can do that. But sometimes you like to go in there for the double check. You know what I'm saying? You got to go in there for the double check. I don't think I learned how to properly wipe my ass until I was like 14 years old. And then maybe even not then. Like, it's a complicated procedure and you got to get it right.

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And it takes a long time to get to know your ass. I mean, I'm just speaking truthfully here. Sorry if I'm disturbing your breakfast.

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You know, I'm like, okay, let me come. And I just walked in and walked right out. And I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no, Astrid. He's like, what's wrong? And I'm like, nothing. Don't worry about it. You're all good. It's all human. It's all there. One of my kids came in the other day. I picked him up from school and he was telling me about his day.

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She encourages listeners to go ahead and make that phone call and follow through. Some other advice from Darlene was to join your friend's MLM company. She explained that any company that makes you buy thousands of dollars worth of product you probably can't sell is a surefire bet to make millions and millions of dollars in extra income.

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And he says, during a movie, we were watching a movie today. And during the movie, I had to fart. And he goes, so I farted and it was really loud. Yeah. And I go, oh, I was kind of laughing about it, you know, like, oh, that's a little embarrassing. But everybody farts. You can't hold it in. You're going to ruin your stomach if you hold it in.

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You know, just say excuse me, you know, when you're done. And I go, did all the kids go, ew? And he goes, no, only two of my friends. And I go, well, why did they go, ew? And he goes, because they really don't like my farts. And I was like, well, who does? The other part of the class? Is it the other part of the class that does? Yeah. I'm not sure. I don't know how all that works.

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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Oh, that was a different school. So we have so many kids that they all go to different schools. They're all in different grades and different schools have different grades and all this. No, actually, when I went to the school, well, you know, and I know now that At all the places that I go, the cat's just out of the bag.

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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And certainly at Starbucks, the cat is way out of the bag because for the first time in 10 years, nine years of going there, someone said something to me directly. They asked me directly if I was, in fact, that guy from the commercial break. And I wanted to crawl. I wanted to die inside of a hole. I was like, ah, this is the one place where no one plays.

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I mean, anywhere else in the world besides the places that I know people that you're not going to know about the commercial break. But the place that I go to, eventually curiosity kills the cat and they're trying to figure out what does that guy do? But no one has ever asked me directly, what do you do?

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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So anyway, so everybody at this school where this tree incident happened, these tree guys incidents happened, the tree incident.

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It was an incident, and it felt aggressive and scary, especially when you have children in the back of the car. And these guys were just young and dumb and full of stupid energy. And again, we probably all could have handled it a little bit better, but in the moment, I just wanted to go. I just wanted to get out of the energy.

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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Because in this day and age, you never know how quickly that energy can turn into...

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violence it's just people are so fucking on edge all of us i'm not saying that that's everybody else and not me me too everybody's so on edge and we see so much crazy shit happening that at any given moment the things can just snap and you don't and then you can't take it back but anyway so i go the principal of the school you know the way that the cars line up she comes by and she clicks a button to say okay these kids need to be brought out so they can be picked up or whatever and

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And we're friendly. And so we're talking, and I said, oh, the tree guys aren't here today. And she goes, oh, those tree guys, they were awful. And I go, oh, really? Did you see what happened to me? Because I assume she did. Because everyone is yelling and screaming, and it's not very far away from where all the other parents and teachers were standing. And she goes, no, what happened?

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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We were lucky enough to catch up with Darlene in the studio earlier, and here's some other advice she had for the listeners.

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So I tell her the story. And she's like, oh, my gosh, those guys were awful. They wouldn't stop doing the trees while the kids were outside and the wood chips are going everywhere and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And she's like, and I had to ask them multiple times and they still didn't listen to me. I am filing a complaint for them.

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And now I'm going to file a complaint on this, too, because this is ridiculous. I'm going to talk to them.

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Like straight out of a movie. I swear to God, this happens next. There's like two parking lots, one that you drive through. And then as you're driving to get to the front of the school, there's another side parking lot for... For a forest preserve, which is what I think they were cutting the trees down for, the forest preserve. But it's this tiny little forest preserve.

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But there's a parking lot there, a small parking lot. And so I'm sitting there waiting to go and talking to her. And out of the side of my eye, I see a big truck pull up to park right in, like, the car is facing the side of my car now, my passenger side, in that extra parking lot. And guess who pulls up? The tree company, the tree company with the tree guys.

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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Now, only one of the guys of the two guys that was involved in the incident and the less I'd say the less aggressive when they were both pretty fucking aggressive. But the less aggressive one is there. And it appears they're there with a supervisor because they're walking around and the supervisor is like.

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pointing out these things or whatever, you know, you can tell he's just kind of like directing the charge. I don't think they noticed me, but I'll tell you what, it was crazy because as we were talking about it, they pulled up and I was like, Oh my God, here we go again. But luckily nothing, nothing happened. And it was just like, the whole thing was, Just so stupid. Come on, guys.

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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What are you doing throwing cones at cars with kids in it and yelling and screaming and not paying attention? Come on. The whole world is fucking on fire right now. You can really sense the stress out there. When you're driving, everyone's driving aggressively. When you're out of place, you're just looking for the person that's going to pop and someone's inevitably ready to pop.

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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People are yelling at each other. It's just all so much. Rev down, chill out. I know the world's on fire and everything's broken and it's getting more broken by the day. I get that, but... We're going to, some of us are going to survive. We're going to, I guess. I don't know. Some of us are going to survive. It's going to be okay. I don't know. I don't know how. I don't know when.

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I don't know where. But some normalcy will return. It always does. And we're just having a little bit of an upheaval right now. But we can't kill each other. That's what they want us to do. They want us to be at each other's throats because then we're distracted and they can plunder. They can plunder while we're distracted fighting with each other over fucking cones in a parking lot.

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Honestly, it's so fucking ridiculous. So I go to Starbucks the other day. So let me finish the Starbucks story. So I go to Starbucks the other day and I told you that I had suspected that one of the girls had figured it out and put two and two together. Just some things that she said to me indicated to me that she in fact knew that I had the podcast and she knew which podcast it was.

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But she didn't go directly at it. She didn't tell me that directly. And so I thought to myself, okay, well, she's going to keep my secret here. And I like this girl. I know she doesn't seem like the talker in the group. So I think, okay, all right, well, my secret's safe with her. And she's not going to be asking me every day. She's probably definitely not listening to the show.

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At least I don't imagine she is. She's young and has a life, and she doesn't have time for all this. But then there's a new guy there. And the new guy the other day, he's like, I'm checking out and he already knows me. He's already saying hi, Brian, and he already knows my drink. He's only been there for like three weeks, but he's on the ball. I like this kid. He's going to fit right in.

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He's going to go far in this Starbucks. He's going to go far in Starbucks making my coffee before I even walk in the door. I like this kid. He's a winner. I can pick one that goes the distance. He's going to go the distance. So he says, yeah, man, so what do you do? You work from home? And I go, yeah, yeah, I work from home. And he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I think I know what you do.

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Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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And finally, Darlene expressed that most people miss an opportunity to become millionaires by simply not attending those weekend real estate seminars. She shared that two days worth of your time and thousands of dollars in coaching services you'll never use was an opportunity to build a solid foundation of real estate knowledge and become the next billionaire tycoon.

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And I was like, you do? And he goes, I think. What do you do? And I go, yeah.

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Yeah. Well, that's what I said. I go, well, why don't you go first and I'll confirm or deny based on it. And he goes, well, there's a little rumor going around that you have a podcast and it's called like the commercial break or something like that. And I go, oh, OK. And he goes, is that is that what you do? Is that true? And I go, listen, come here, you little fuck. Lean in, Claire.

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I don't want anyone knowing exactly what I do. It's a family thing, okay? You got it? Don't tell anybody. Don't tell anybody. I actually says this to him. I go, hey, listen. I go, yes, okay? The truth is yes. It took me like 30 seconds to say yes, because I was like, I don't know what to do here. I really don't want this secret out, but he's already got my number.

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I can't say no, and then all he has to do is look up the fucking picture on the goddamn front of the podcast page. So I go, listen. Yes, but honestly, I kind of like coming to Starbucks where I think that nobody knows what I do, not because I'm famous or anything like that, but because it's a little safe harbor from some of the stupid shit I might say on the fucking podcast.

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I don't want to have to answer, you know, I don't want to answer every question about every fucking thing that I say. I am one of these guys. This is why I do a podcast and not stand up comedy. First of all, not funny. Second of all, could never travel like that. I have too many kids. My wife would never let that happen. But third of all, I don't like the instant reaction about what I'm saying.

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I'd much prefer just go out there and you guys have a reaction in your own personal private space and I'll have my own reaction here. You know what I'm saying? And so I don't like the idea of having to answer for everything that I say on the show this morning.

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Just A Boy and His Stories...

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And by the way, I do remember this woman was a real intellectual. She was like someone who was very smart. She had a lot of conversation in her and she knew what she like. This wasn't some vapid conversation. We were like talking about like, you know, deep stuff, the stars and space and aliens and all this other stuff. Right. And and she was an educated.

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So we were having a good, I thought, very meaty conversation. I remember it that way. I don't remember what we're talking about, but I remember it that way. I remember thinking, wow, you know, this is a this is a smart conversation.

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And so, again, I remember specifically this time, we go to bed, we go to sleep, and she goes to bed naked, right? Okay. But there is no vibe under any... I mean, listen, if there was a vibe, I would feel it. I've got a vibe-dar. for this kind of thing. And while I think it's been wrong a couple of times, I don't think it's been wrong often.

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I didn't feel any sort of like her feeling any kind of attraction toward me. I understand she's naked, like, but you got to understand the premise of the whole weekend. It was kind of a naked weekend. You know what I'm saying? Like there was a lot of, there was a lot of tits and ass.

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we're that's right we're all i'm my my micro penis is now everybody's it's no secret anymore everyone's just doing their thing feeling uh not a lot of inhibition because we're all feeling comfortable with each other except for me and this other guy had a huge swang and now i got my little peepees hanging out that's why i took my shorts off in the jacuzzi while it was bubbling so no one could see

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Just A Boy and His Stories...

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Yes, because this guy takes them off before he gets in, and I'm like, I would too if I had that. That is a baby arm right there. What are you doing? That is a whale dick. That is a pizzle. You got a pizzle.

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But, you know, it's it's just that kind of weekend. It's that kind of vibe. So at least in my state of intoxication, I don't find any of this to be particularly like strange. It's just what's going on this weekend. Right. And I've been in far crazier situations than this. This is not weird to see a topless woman walking around the house. Or walking around the room. So we go to sleep.

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I do remember she was nude. I do remember going to sleep. I do remember thinking for a few minutes, like, is this like a – are we having a vibe check here? Right, yeah. Is she inviting something that I'm just not picking up?

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Something. To indicate no. Well, I think part of the conversation was, I sleep in the nude. That's what I do, right? So, yeah, she's like – either she's – But there's no other hints that are dropped that I pick up on. It's an intellectual conversation where we're smoking cigarettes and drinking.

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That's right. Her tits are out. And then we go to sleep and she's in the nude. But nothing happens. I don't even think I touched the girl at night at all because I didn't feel like there was any kind of indication that that was okay. That's what she wanted. That's what she was interested in. Next day, everybody separates, goes their own ways.

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And this girl and I had been texting on occasion, like not frequently, but on occasion. And like, I don't know, a week later, I text, hey, how you doing? You know, I had a fun time. And no response. And then a text again, no response. What's that? I remember the boobs. Hey, how are your tits doing?

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Hey, how are your tits feeling? Do you need some help? How are you? Nothing. Nada. No response. Months later, I saw her at a party, an event, a party. And she was just kind of dismissive. And I was like, hey, what's up? You know, I texted you a few times and I didn't hear back. And she's like, well, you know, I just felt like, you know, you clearly weren't into me. So I didn't want to bother you.

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Just A Boy and His Stories...

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And I said, weren't into you? Like, how? And she's like, well, I just got the friend vibe. And so, you know, we had that night together and nothing happened. And I just I pick I took I picked up what you were putting down. And I was like, what was I putting down? Like, I didn't pick up that vibe at all. Did I? I must have missed the cues. She's telling me I missed the cues. But would you?

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Just A Boy and His Stories...

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She was naked. That's true. So you're saying that the first indication that a girl is into you is if she's naked in your bed.

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Just A Boy and His Stories...

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Put that in the old brain bank and remember it next time, Brian. If she's naked in bed, well, then Astrid's got a lot of explaining to do. Or I have a lot of explaining to do to Astrid. I just missed it. I missed it altogether.

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Just A Boy and His Stories...

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I was always respectful. You were. I was always respectful. Listen, here's my piece of advice to the young men out there. Despite what other podcasters might tell you, other podcasters might say, respect is the ultimate – Flirtation, period, end of sentence. No matter what the situation is, respect an invitation. Wait for the invitation. Ask for the invitation.

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Just A Boy and His Stories...

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Whatever you have to do, but always respect the boundaries. Even if there's a naked woman in your bed, it doesn't necessarily always mean. It probably means she's into you, but it doesn't necessarily always mean that she's into you. Still, not 100% welcoming. You can't assume anything, I guess is what I'm trying to say.

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And I didn't assume anything. So therefore, I missed out on an opportunity with an attractive young woman. But we both ended up in better places. I don't know where she ended up, but I ended up in a better place.

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We didn't talk much after that, but that's okay. You know what? Onward and upward. There's my story about a naked cabin in the woods. Remember, kids, jacuzzis should be cleaned often. That's all I got to say.

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And we'll be back.

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Just A Boy and His Stories...

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Yeah. Let's catch up on a few television shows. Let's do it. All right. So, Paradise. You told me to watch Paradise. Were you the one who told me to watch Paradise?

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Okay. All right.

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I watched the first episode in 10-minute chunks.

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I really liked the way in which the timing and tempo of it, I like the fact that it gets right into it. It's not a lot of backstory and 15 weeks of, you know, this and that and the other thing. But I found at the end of the episode, I won't spoil it for anybody, I found at the end of the episode, I was a little disappointed in the whole plot twist.

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Like, I thought it would be a little bit, I don't know, like a little bit more grounded in reality, I guess would be the right word to use, right?

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The very first episode. Where you find out. Where you find out exactly what's going on. I won't ruin it for anybody, but just know it's sci-fi, drama, mystery kind of thing going on involving a president in the Secret Service. And it's very well acted.

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Very well acted. Even the first episode, you're like, and those are usually the worst acted scenes.

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episodes of any season you know of any show it was so well done by those by the actors involved i really enjoyed it it kept me going and i had to break it up into four different sessions because i can only get 10 minutes out of fucking time in this house to watch anything but i do have to say i'll give it a second and a third episode oh yeah but i was a little bummed out by where the direction it headed second and the third are great

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Are they? Okay. Do we find out more? Is there more that's uncovered?

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Do we understand a little bit more about why we're here and what we're doing?

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Okay, I'm going to give it a try, but I would suggest if you're into that like lost type of television show, I guess, but much better acted and probably better directed, Paradise is right up your alley. I still think Severance is the best sci-fi television show that we're all watching right now. And if you're not watching Severance, you must watch Severance.

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And adjunct to that, I'm going to throw in another one that you must watch. Bailin' Out Loud. Bailin' Out Loud is one of the best television shows that's out there right now, I'm just saying.

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Are you watching Bailin' Out Loud? I'm not, but it keeps popping up. Okay, just watch an episode. I know the first episode is going to be a little hard to watch because Bailin' has one of the most severe cases of Tourette's Syndrome ever. according to professionals that they have seen. And it is intense. She is really has a hard time controlling what they call ticks, her ticks, right?

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And it goes from everything from facial movements and body movements to compulsive behaviors. And she has something called, and I don't want to mess it up. I'm not going to say it, but there is a version of Tourette's, the one that we're probably all cartoonishly familiar with, which is people yelling out obscenities at any given time. Like, you know, go fuck yourself, suck a dick.

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Stuff like that.

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shows all of it, even when she's cussing. So I guess they've made an editorial decision that let's go ahead and show when she's saying the word dick or shit or fuck or whatever. Most of those come out without bleeping. So it's really intense. You get to see it. But Balin herself... is an absolute sweetheart. She's a doll face. And the show is interesting. What time does the show come on?

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She's on at 10, so it's after Safe Harbor. But it's also a cable channel, so they can do what they want. They choose not to because they want the advertisers. But it doesn't seem like they're having a problem getting advertisers on Baylen Out Loud. I like this show. I like this girl.

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I am. And now, because let me share something with you in case you don't know something about the commercial break. I do like good television, but I like really bad television also. I'm into like the 90 Day Fiance 600 Pound Life, like the series of television shows that usually come on TLC.

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It's just been a channel that I've enjoyed watching devolve into absolute shit show for the last two decades.

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I know. Part of it. It's not hard to get dragged into. Once you get sucked in, it's like a whirling dervish. I know. It just kind of brings you in. And some of the television shows are just fascinating looks at other people's lives. And while some of it you know is manufactured drama, it's still drama that's interesting. I am over 90 Day Fiancé boot camp or whatever it is. The resort. I'm done.

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Last chance resort.

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These people... are the thirstiest people on earth since the two hosts of the commercial break started in 2020. They are so thirsty. They really are. It is horrible. It is terrible. None of these relationships have a shot of making it. They are just there to collect a paycheck and have a nice two-week vacation. I know it. I'm sure of it.

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Drizama drop. Drama drop right here.

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Yes, I actually did. You thought they were. It seemed like they were one of the couples that were actually doing things together. Not to be. Poor Gino. Gino. Gino and his hat and his bald head, his little tuft of hair hanging out. I know. You've got to know. I mean, Gino is just, he is one of a kind. And Jasmine is one of a kind. She is an explosive woman. Explosive.

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But she is nothing as bad as Natalie.

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Natalie, the Russian girl who is a Russian girl. She is insane. She is... There's no rhyme or reason to anything Natalie does. But I don't want to bore you all with that. I'm done with that.

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I'm sticking with 90 Day Fiancé or 90 Day The Other Way. One of those two. And there's a new season that's starting. And one of them has a thruple. It's a thruple 90 Day Fiancé.

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How are they going to get them over here on a 90-day visa? I have no idea if they're a throuple unless two of them are American, right? Yeah, I guess so. And they're bringing the third one over. But, okay, you got me, TLC. You got me for another three episodes.

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Yes, My Sister Wives or Seeking Sister Wives. Yes. Yeah, which that's still interesting. We're waiting for that show. But now I'm seeing there are commercials for new TLC programming. One of them is very small people. Like, I don't know what they have. It's not like the regular, like the Seven Little Johnstons type of dwarfism. It's like a different type. Oh.

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And there's two of them that are married, and they have a new television show. This is just Brian... just staring at other people's misfortune. I know that it is in some ways. But they are putting themselves out there, I assume, to humanize, you know, to get a paycheck. To get a little bit of traction, maybe a little bit of fame.

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We all can assume that if you're on a reality show, you're looking for that kind of attention. And then additionally, I think to humanize in some way their condition or their lives. To say, hey, we are out here being people too, and we can do these things also. We can get married and fall in love. And that's Seven Little Johnstons is on like season number 27.

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Yeah, I'm kind of getting over it a little bit, though, because it's the same thing every episode. And I've said this, it's so formulaic. It's the most formulaic of any TLC shows. I do love the Seven Little Johnstons. I really do. I mean, as people, I think that they're very interesting human beings.

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Yes. And I want to go on their show. I want to be a part of it. Can I come on and make an appearance on the seven little Johnstons? I know you live close. So come on, let's do this. It's a collab. Is that what the kids are saying these days? Let's collab on something. Seven little Johnstons. But the problem is you got to break that formula of the show. Here it is.

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Some goofy game that the family plays like a made up, you know, Oh, Hey, today we're taking pictures for Instagram. So we decided to do a silly little dance. We're all learning a silly little dance that takes up half the episode. Then there's some kind of drama that drama is resolved. And then the last five minutes of show new drama appears. That's it. And it's formula, formula, formula, formula.

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Every time you got to break that formula, we need sex, drugs, and rock and roll. That's what we need. Seven little Johnstons. Get on it. Come on. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Somebody go to a strip club or something. That's what we need. Hey, Invite me on the show. I got the answers for all this formula.

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Yes, for sure. You got to shake it up. A lot of these kids, they're in their 20s now, so they can get to it. What are we doing? We're boozing. We're having fun. We're going to the strip club. Maybe we go to Vegas. We do some fun things, but things that aren't necessarily pre-planned and script. It's too scripted.

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But anyway, I will digress just for a second so that we can ask Chrissy, what is your favorite television show that Brian's not watching right now?

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Tina, what's the show you're watching? I'll ask Tina. I'll give you a minute to think about it.

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I want to see both of those. I want to see Lioness and I want to see Landman, but they're both on Paramount+.

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But they gave you like, but it's connected to Paramount Plus?

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Yeah. Was Landman good?

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Okay. It was good. I heard a lot of people talking about that first episode. They got very excited about it. I was just wondering if it managed to follow through on all the excitement it had produced.

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Yeah? It was good.

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I love Jon Hamm.

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I love Jon Hamm.

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Yes, I've watched all the Fargos. A return to form this last season. A return to form. I really liked the first season. I kind of liked the second season. The season with Chris Rock was not my favorite season. It just kind of dragged a little bit. I thought the story was a little too forced. But then the fourth season, which I think is the last one with Jon Hamm, very, very good.

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It wasn't romantic in any nature. It was just us talking. It was probably me, Brian, making up shit like I do here on the commercial break. Telling stories, making up facts.

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Have you watched The Hole? Is it The Hole? The one with... Well, that's... But that's been out for so long, I think if you wanted to watch it, you could watch it. It's about a giant hole in the ground. It's literally about a giant hole in the ground, and it's starring that guy. Now I'm not going to... I'm going to fucking forget his name. He was in No Country for Old Men.

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Not Harvey or Burden, but the other one. He's like a gruff...

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Now everybody's looking.

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Okay, hold on. I watched something. No Country for Old Men cast... No. No, but he was in that too.

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Josh Brolin. So Josh Brolin starred in an Amazon Prime show that was so fucking good. Let's see here. Not Sicario. Sicario was good. I liked Sicario. I can't remember what television show he was in. Anyway, I'll remember it and I'll get to it. One of the things that I wanted to say that everybody has to watch while we're talking about television shows is Slow Horses on Apple TV.

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Yes, I've seen all of that. It's so good. There's four seasons of that now also. And every season is quick, to the point, and so well done.

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Filling the void with whatever shenanigans are rolling around in my head. You know how I do, Chrissy. I do. I could talk for hours. Is it the truth? I don't know. Is it factual?

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And there has never been, I mean, the acting in Slow Horses is so incredible. Gary Oldman was born to play this guy. He was born to play this guy. And what's his name? I'm having a hard time with all the names today.

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Anyway, he was born to play this role. Born to play this role. And he is so good in this. Watch Slow Horses. So, anyway, what did you think of it?

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You told me about Silo. Everyone's talking about Silo.

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Haven't gotten into Silo. Can't wait for the next season?

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For All Mankind is really what I'm excited to see. Okay. The next one of For All Mankind. We talked about that when I was watching it. I think there's six seasons, four or five, six seasons of For All Mankind. So good.

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You gotta suspend disbelief for the first couple of episodes. It looks like it's a historical drama, and then all of a sudden it takes a right-hand turn, and you're like, wait, that's not how all this shit went down. Just follow it. It's an alternative historical drama. Like, if things had been different... In the space race, what would have happened? It is so fucking good.

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And if you aren't thirsty for the next season, by the time you get done with the established episodes that are out there, then you just don't like good TV. All right, let's take a break. And when we get back, Brian will talk more shit.

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There's usually something there you can hang on to. There's usually some post of reality. It's like the North Pole. It's really hard to find, but it's up there somewhere.

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Okay, I wanted to mention a story that I read that all of us were talking about the other day on our group chat. You know, there is a woman, I won't mention her name here on the air, but there is a woman who was recently fired from her job as a police training officer because... Because she was trying to make ends meet for her children by doing some racy photographs at night.

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She was on one of these websites where people could pay her to disrobe, essentially. And she got fired because the local town council found out about her moonlighting job. Even though there was no rules in the handbook about taking moonlighting jobs, as a matter of fact, many police officers moonlight in many different ways. They're Uber drivers. They're delivery drivers. Mm-hmm. Security.

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Security at concerts and at bars. I mean, those police officers aren't standing there doing work on behalf of the taxpayers. They are getting paid by the event producers, the bar, the facility, whatever, to stand there. Cops who direct traffic in the morning for schools or offices. They're doing that to make extra money, to make ends meet.

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That's one of the fringe benefits of being a police officer is that it's likely you can pick up secondary work because people need you to do other work that's not taxpayer-approved. This lady is just doing other work. And listen, whether or not you believe that pornography should be a thing, let's put that aside for just one second.

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The lady is trying to feed her children, and she cannot do that on her police officer's salary. The story goes she had an emergency at her house. A tree fell through her roof. She needed a new roof or a hailstorm or a windstorm or something. She needed a new roof.

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and she couldn't afford it so she took somebody up on their offer yeah as many people do she took somebody up on her offer to put out some photographs and those photographs were racy they were graphic i saw some of them you know like any pornography is and who fucking cares okay so the training officer has some titty pics out there what does it matter it's 2025 this lady is a police officer

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She is putting her life on the line every fucking day for other people. And she just needs to feed her children and have a new roof. Who cares how she does that as long as it's legal? If it's illegal, I get it. If she's selling weed on the side, I understand. You can't be a police officer and sell weed on the side. Though I did know a police officer who sold weed on the side.

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A Georgia State Patrol officer.

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uh i don't want to get i don't even want it maybe i shouldn't say that a police officer who was selling weed and doing cocaine at my house and he was a georgia state patrol officer now he was off the job he was you know not working at the time so whatever's clever it doesn't bother me one bit that would be really weird if he was in his uniform if he was in his uniform he wasn't in his uniform but he had a line yeah but he had his badge and trust me it i was a little skeeved out by the whole thing somebody else brought him over to my house yeah and i was like dude i

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Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Greene, this is my co-host and my dear friend Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen. Best to me, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. Here we are. I wanted to tell a story or share with you, see if you can remember this. I want to see if I can dredge this memory up from you.

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Did you just bring a cop that's got a badge on him? He like whipped out the badge to grab a credit card to cut the cocaine with. And I was like, oh, no, we're not doing this, are we? Because, you know, that guy could like, I don't know. He could flip on me. Yeah. At any moment. It skeeved me out to the point where I didn't do anything like any drugs in front of him.

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I was like, no, it's a step too far. But I knew the guy. But whatever you do on your private time is your private time. I guess if it's illegal, you should probably uphold the law if you're having other people uphold the law.

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But the point is, is that this lady not being able to make ends meet and then getting fired for doing something perfectly legal, maybe not moral in your eyes, but perfectly legal to to to make ends meet. is like the epitome of hypocrisy. We're allowing them to put their bodies on the line when we need them to, when they're the last line of defense or the first line of defense.

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We call their bodies into action, willing to sacrifice on the altar of public service. But when they want to use their bodies to make sure that they have food in their mouths, it's not okay. It doesn't make any sense at all whatsoever. Think of it what you will. Decide whether or not you want to watch pornography or look at these pictures. That's your choice. Absolutely. But it's your choice.

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Her choice is to try and make enough money to pay the rent. And I don't understand, for the life of me, how this is a problem. If she's a teacher, I get it. I get it. I totally understand it. If you're a teacher, you need to set a good example for the children. It's just part of the job requirements. There is some kind of... expectation of morality.

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Yeah, the kids can see the pictures, especially if you're like a teacher of old. Well, I guess if you're a teacher of any children, if you're a college professor, then I get it. The kids are old enough to understand that this is the way the world works.

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But if the kids are like 10 and they're looking at nudie, you know, nude photographs of you, then I can understand how that would be disruptive in class. And therefore, while I don't disagree with the methodology, I do agree that you need to have some kind of Like you need to toe the line in some way, in some way, shape or form. Listen, let's all get over ourselves a little bit here.

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Do you know what I'm saying, Chrissy? Like, let's get over ourselves and allow people to do what they need to do to make ends meet in 2025. It's a tough, tough life. It's a tough life for everybody.

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Absolutely. And we need to be able to keep a roof over our heads and feed ourselves. And if that means that we have to go to footfinder.com and sell some sexy, hairy toe pictures in order to make ends meet, well, that's what I'm going to do. You don't have any expectation that Brian is not going to do pornography, do you? And I'm not putting my life on the line for you.

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Do you remember when you, I think you were with us, you, I, our friend, a Russian friend, and a couple of other folks, including some of her friends, went for a birthday party up to a cabin. We had rented a cabin for the weekend.

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It's really, really hypocritical to believe that this woman should never do anything you don't agree with if she's trying to make ends meet. That's all I got to say. I just wanted to throw that out there. I think, you know, officers get a bad rap for good reason.

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There's a lot of shitty police officers out there, but there are probably many more who are just trying to make ends meet and really like public service. And the bad ones should be weeded out and bad policing should be weeded out and all that other stuff. I don't need to go over every single type of bad policing, but there are a lot of good police officers out there.

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One here in my hometown just lost their life.

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Just checking up on a suspicious person. Yeah, at the grocery store. Yeah, and the guy opened fire as soon as she opened the door. I think it was a she, if I'm not mistaken. It was a he? Yeah. He died instantly because some dude just opened fire. That's a tough job.

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That's a tough, tough job. Yeah. We should let our police officers do anything within the bounds of law to make sure that they live high on the hog. That's my opinion. And then we might get, you know, better police officers. You know what I'm saying? They might be more inclined to do good police work if they know they don't have to struggle to make ends meet. Is it the theory that I have?

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Is it the theory that I have? It's like the Amazon guy throwing packages at my door. I understand. That job is tough. That's a tough fucking job. And Brian's ordering some random wire from Taiwan and needs it yesterday. And I'm like, well, where's my shit? You know, and there it is.

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I get it. I totally understand it.

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Yeah, when we first moved here, the person who lived here before us said that she was an old lady, an old kook. And she said, oh, kook. And she told the UPS and the FedEx drivers, I don't want you coming to my front door because the dog barks and it bothers me. So leave it on the side of the house.

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And so for a year or two, whenever we got a package, it ended up wet on the side of the house, like in the mud, on the trash can, down the street. It was crazy. It was crazy. So finally, I had to have a conversation with the guys. I'm like, hey, dudes. We're okay.

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Yeah, I don't care.

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Throw it at the door. Just get it somewhere close to the front of the house, and I'd be happy. I'm always, like, searching around the woods for my packages. Like, did it blow over there or did it go over there? And that also reminds me, like, there's the trash can people. The trash can people, the trash folks, they're lovely human beings.

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And I know that's got to be the most thankless job in the world. You've got to sit in that stank, in that sweaty, hot mess during the summers and cold during the winters, flying on the back of that truck. Rain, all of it. I think about a day like today when it's just raining cats and dogs, and you've got to be on the back of that truck because today's our trash day.

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You've got to be hanging on to that truck, wet with all that sloppy garbage flying all over you. God, I could never do that job. But then they have this automatic trash can machine that grabs it and throws it up in the back. Do you know what I'm talking about? The arm that just grabs it?

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Oh, okay. All right.

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Well, the person who's driving the truck or doing the arm or whatever can't seem to find my driveway to save his life. All the way down the street, after trash day, you'll just see a row of trash cans out in the middle of this incredibly busy two-lane street. People are honking. They're hitting the trash cans.

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So being the good neighbor that I am, you know, Brian, the good neighbor, I sometimes go down the street and pull the trash cans in just to make sure that no one gets into an accident.

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It's unbelievable.

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I'm all about automation. A poor guy doesn't need to be sitting on the back of the truck, you know, throwing the trash into my trash can. Fine. Fine. Go ahead. Use your arm. But could you do me a favor? Put it back where you found it, at least within a foot or 10 feet, not in the middle of the fucking street.

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People are literally getting into car accidents because they're trying to avoid my trash cans driving way too fast down the street in front of my house. It really drives me crazy. I bet it does. Yeah, it does. All of us neighbors, we got a little WhatsApp group going on like, hey, dude, what's going on there? I don't know.

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I took a picture of it the other day, but then I didn't send it in because I was like, these poor guys, they already have enough fucking grief. Dealing with your trash. Yeah, they already got to, you know, they already got to take my jizz napkins and throw them in the... Blue's pee pads. Oh, Blue's pee pads, yeah. There's no trash that smells like Brian's trash. Between the baby...

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Oh, that's right.

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My 21 EPMs and the dog, it's a cesspool of germs and shit. Sorry. I'm really sorry. But I do appreciate the trash men. I certainly do. All these people who serve me, I have just, because I worked in the restaurant industry for so long, it takes me, you have to get me really fired up to get me angry enough to call and complain. You really do have to get me very fired up. I'm just not that guy.

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You were scared?

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I'm not that fussy. I really am not. All right, well, listen. It's a little bit of a short episode, but, you know, take it where you can get it. I got things to do. This isn't the only thing in my life. You got to go get the trash can. I got to go take nudie photographs to make ends meet. That's what I got to do.

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I got to put some highly graphic photographs of my taint out there to a guy named Dave.

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Well, let me tell you.

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Sounds like Josh Brolin.

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Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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We were doing that 700 Club and I was doing the voice of Pat Robertson. Kiss me, I'm a painter.

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His hand was like a skeleton coming out of the grave.

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Yeah, I've been a couple of times whitewater rafting. It's not as nervy. Like, this is not the Colorado River.

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Poor guy. Poor guy. All right, we didn't have a TCB infomercial this week, but go back and listen to Ari Shafir from last week. It was a great episode. A lot of people commented that they really enjoyed the conversation. It was not only funny and fun, but it was insightful.

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And I think that Ari has got a good head on his shoulders and a good perspective about what's going on in the world right now, and I can appreciate it.

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You be tripping. There it is. His podcast is considerably better than this one, so go check it out. Of course, the people that come on are more famous. Except for Ari. Ari actually came on our show, so I take that as a compliment. Yeah, yeah. It's like having Johnny Carson on. Yeah, he talks to a lot of famous people, but Johnny himself is a famous person. So there you go. Thanks, Ari.

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We appreciate it. See him in a couple weeks. We're going to go see him live.

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I'm excited. All right. Check out arishafir.com for tour information. Check out America's Sweetheart on Netflix. I'll put the link in the show notes so you can just get there quickly. As far as we're concerned, 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, contents, ideas, or you can be on the show.

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But we went to the place where they had the Olympics here in Georgia, where they had the whitewater rafting here in the Olympics. Class 5 Rapids is what they say. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But it was not, to me, as nervy as I thought it might have been. I was expecting that we would really, like, see some deep dives and big, you know, throwing around. There was a few seconds of that.

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If you leave us a voicemail, you may be the next opening voice of the commercial break. Go ahead. Touch base. Have the commercial break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok. And tcbpodcast.com is our URL. All the audio, all the video right there. But you can catch the video at youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak. Same day the episodes air here on the audio feed.

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Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

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But I'll tell you that I love you. And I love you. I'll say best to you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I do say, we will say, and we must say, goodbye.

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But it was, like, that was the punctuation mark in an otherwise extremely boring trip down the river, right? And there was, like, 12 of us in this canoe. And I'll never forget, we were so...

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like hungover and starting drinking again and then we got on this boat and of course there was no drinking on the boat because we had to pay attention to what we were doing so we were all really looking just to get back to drinking it was like an irritation in our day hungover ready to eat not having any interest in this now that we knew we brought the cooler they just wouldn't let us take him with it he's like no no no man those things could hit you in the head yeah

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Then we go through the three hours of instruction. You know, if you should fall.

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All right. No one fell out of the boat except for when they purposefully flipped the raft. I think just to give you the excitement you were looking for. Yeah. The thrill you were looking for. But that's anticlimactic when you know it's coming. You know what I'm saying? It's like, okay, now we're in the cold river. Let's get out.

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So we went for a birthday party and it was one other guy, four girls and me. So two guys, four girls. And there were a number of big cabin, lots of rooms in there. And I got a room way at the top, like in the attic of the place. Brian got the attic room. But whatever. I don't care. We're here. We're having fun, whatever it is. In Georgia, this is not uncommon.

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And if you have mountains near your house, you've seen these before. These huge houses that look like log cabins, but they're not. They're really very nicely appointed places to stay. They're good Airbnbs. At that time, there was an Airbnb, but you could rent them from rental companies. And there are companies that own hundreds of these things up in the mountains of Georgia. So beautiful scenery.

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It's fun. It's fun. You usually just stay in the cabin and get shit hammered.

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yes get in the jacuzzi and rip down the shower curtain beautiful open floor beautiful open floor plan houses with nice kitchens and then every basement has the same thing out pool table arcade games a grill a jacuzzi and a warning that there are bears and so don't you know don't go out there be bear aware as they say be bear aware Because the bears will come. They will smell the food.

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You know, you could get in trouble. Yes. We don't have like grizzly bears here, but we have those black bears and the brown bears. They can be nuisances, essentially. And those raccoons. Oh, the raccoons are mean as shit. They're cute as a button, but they are mean as shit.

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Yeah, you got to be careful. Yeah, they usually have locks on them or something along those lines. You keep the trash inside until you absolutely need to put it outside. So we went to this cabin, got there on a Friday night. We just hit it hard. And I will never forget the first, we were downstairs. Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots. Exactly.

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That's right. But Brian's smarter than the average bear, no pun intended. And I only drink Bud Light. I stick with the Bud Light. I might do a shot. But I know that if I add hard liquor into the mix, I'm not going to know how drunk I am. Like, it's going to come up on me really quickly.

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But that doesn't stop me from having 36 Bud Lights. And on the first night, there is a jacuzzi outside, downstairs, outside the basement, on the lowest floor. There is a jacuzzi, like a lot of these cabins. Almost all of them have them, these jacuzzis, that are usually eight- or ten-person jacuzzis, enough to have a nice party. So we get the jacuzzi going. We're drinking.

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Somebody's cooking a meal. We're downstairs in the basement. I will never forget the first time I ever heard the Lady Gaga song. Rah, rah. Yeah, yeah. Is on MTV or whatever music, you know, whatever video channel was on in one of these cable stations. It was playing and I was like, oh, that's cool. I like that. Whatever that is, I'll take more of that. All that you got. I like that, Lady Gaga.

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But we all got into the jacuzzi and because that's what you do. You do. Well, it was me and this other guy and these four girls, and two of those girls had boob jobs, right? And as you do when you're young and you're drunk and you're having fun and you're in a jacuzzi, somehow the conversation always turns to sex, and somehow someone's always getting naked, right? So, of course...

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Most of us disrobe at some point during the night. And that's just the way it is. So now we're all in various states of nudity in the jacuzzi, but nothing is, I mean, nothing's happening. Nothing's going on, right?

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That's right. Night ends, night wraps up, and it's just me and this other friend of our friend. Mm-hmm. Who had some of the largest fake boobs I have ever seen in my entire life. On a very small frame, but they were large. And so we end up upstairs in my room that has a little balcony off of it, smoking cigarettes and talking through the night.

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And I thought it was a very nice conversation, but I didn't feel it was very amorous. It wasn't like I wanted to hook up with this. Like, you know, it wasn't one of those conversations where all of a sudden you're making out. It wasn't romantic in any nature. It was just us talking. It was probably me and Brian... making up shit like I do here on the commercial break.

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Telling stories, making up facts.

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Filling the void with whatever shenanigans are rolling around in my head. You know how I do, Chrissy. I can talk for hours. Is it the truth? I don't know. Is it factual?

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There's usually something there you can hang on to. There's usually some post of reality. It's like the North Pole. It's really hard to find, but it's up there somewhere. Yeah. It's grounding us all. It's grounding all of our compasses somewhere. You know, it moves around, but it's up there somewhere. It's a thing you can't see, but you know it's around and it's helping guide the conversation.

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Yes, that's Brian. That's what I do.

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That is the truth. I am a storyteller. Storytellers, we don't rely on the truth. What? This is boring. That's boring. Side note, Astrid comes in here the other night and she's asking, she's She goes, that wedding story you told. And I said, yeah. And she goes, you got it wrong. And I said, what did I get wrong? And she goes, the wedding didn't start at three o'clock. It started at noon.

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And I was like, and? And she was like, well, I just wonder if you remember some of these things. And I'm like, well, I do now that you're telling me, but what did I say? She said, you said 3 p.m. And I said, that could make a lick of difference in the conversation, like, in the story that I was telling. It had nothing to do with what time it was. It was long either way.

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I'm spinning my tails up in the attic, you know, and we're smoking cigarettes and we're having fun. And eventually we disperse for the night. Or I don't know if we disperse or if we spent the night in the same bed, but whatever. The point is, nothing happened. And I'm curious about what you think about this. So night number two, we go to, you know, we go do the whitewater rafting.

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We go into town to go do a little shopping. And then we come back and we do the same. Rinse and repeat. Get shit-faced. Eat some dinner. Hang out in the jacuzzi. But this time, it's me and this girl that are left early in the night because everyone was, you know, they were hungover and tired. Tired from the day. Yeah, they were tired from the day and they'd had enough. Shopping. Shopping.

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I don't know. Jewelry, shitty $3 jewelry from the local, you know, tourist trap. Yes, exactly. A magnet. I was here. I whitewater rafted. You know, the mountains are where I smile.

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I'm smiling because I'm in the mountains. Right. Okay, all right. Congratulations, right?

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Salt and pepper shakers, right. My dog is a wolf. You know, like stupid shit like that.

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Lake life is great. You know, all the shit you see on the walls of these rental cabins, like they just fill it with a bunch of tropes. Well, okay, I get it. The same thing with the beach, you know. Life's a beach. Yeah, life's a beach. It's hard to frown when the sun goes down at the beach. Yeah. And it's on a light preserver plug. Yeah, you sure are happy.

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My morning, but my songbirds are dolphins. You know, all the stupid shit that they put all over those walls. Anyway, I don't know what we're shopping for. Who knows? I don't think I bought anything. I probably didn't have any money. But anyway, Bud Light. That's what I bought. I went shopping for Bud Light because I drank all of it the night before.

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God forbid I be less than 10 Bud Lights in a fridge. I start panicking. I'm like, oh no.

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Piggly Wiggly.

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Hey, listen, I'm not hating on a Piggly Wiggly. No. Yeah, I've seen a few that are. Piggly Wiggly and Ingles. Those two is what you find up there in the mountains. I don't know why. They're the mountain stores. They are. The mountain stores. So rinse and repeat. So it's me and this girl in the jacuzzi at the end of the night. And for whatever reason, she starts talking about her boobs.

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You know, I like my boobs. I got the dot. I don't know what she's saying. I'm drunk. I don't know what she's saying. I'm not listening. I don't care. You know, we're listening to music. We're having fun. And she takes her top off and she starts asking me if I would feel her boobs because her boobs are the gummy bear boobs or whatever. Did they do a good job? Yeah, it's a special type. Yeah.

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So I start feeling her, you know, invited, of course, invited to feel her breasts. Of course. Why wouldn't you? I'm single. I'm not beholden to anybody. It's completely consensual. She's asking me. So just to be clear about this story, I don't want anybody to get it twisted. I wasn't just feeling some girl up because she said I have gummy bear boobs.

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Yeah. Yeah. You're proud of them. Yeah. Sure. Why not? If it's someone that you trust and, you know, you're having fun and having a few drinks. Why not? Yeah. And and I had seen them the night before. So it wasn't like there was no mystery about it. This wasn't some big secret. So I started feeling her boobs, yada, yada, yada. Rinse and repeat upstairs again that night. More smoking cigarettes.

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But this time, this time, she just has a towel wrapped around her waist while we're sitting up there. And so her boobs are just hanging out the entire night.

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I'm not going to argue looking at tits all night long. Yeah. She did pay a lot of money for them. Great boob job. They looked real. I mean, they didn't look real, but you know what I'm saying. You get what I'm saying. So there we are the rest of the night. And then again, Brian bores her to sleep. Brian's story. It's story time with Brian. And so we go to sleep.

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This episode of The Commercial Break is sponsored by Ring. The holidays are almost here, and between traveling, hosting family, and finding the perfect gift, it's such an exciting, busy, and yes, sometimes stressful time. Ring helps you stay connected to the home for all the merry moments, even when you're on the go. With Ring, you've got the whole home covered.

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But I do have to say this. No, there's nothing to say.

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No, I'm not. Listen, I'm not saying I'm not part of the problem. I am part of the problem. I've watched Dr. Phil. I paid Dr. Phil. I paid him to talk about me. I paid Dr. Phil to talk about me. And 90 Day Fiance is just one step removed from Who's the Father?

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Because everybody on 90 Day Fiancé is one step removed from being a guest on The Maury Povich Show. Let's be honest about it.

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We were just watching an episode before we started recording here.

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Yeah, the last resort is right. Because none of these couples have a chance from the beginning. And why we're even pretending that they do is beyond me. But okay, let's go there. This is all... This is where we've gotten to. We've gotten to this because we collectively... Soak in the drama. We love to think that we're doing better than other people.

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We love to see other people's train wrecks because it makes our train wreck not feel so damaging. And we like tits and ass. That's it. That is it. And dollars. Tits, ass, and dollars with eight spelled D-A-U, dollar sign, dollar sign, asterisk, A-W-A-R, dollar sign, dollar sign.

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Okay, so Chrissy, today for the 12 days of TCB, we're going to dip our toe back in the water of the mountain monsters because, I'm sorry, yeah, we clicked toes when I said that. Look at that. Look at us playing footsie under the table. You see me, Jeff? Catch me outside. Dollar sign, asterisk, explanation point. Explanation point.

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uh we're gonna dip our toes back in the mountain monster's water because we reviewed uh for the 12 days of tcb one of the episodes where they were running around chasing the cherokee bigfoot the cherokee mind melting monster or whatever it's called a cherokee devil the cherokee yeah and there had been like a rogue team or something involved the rogue team but they had met up and i don't know

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As the great Clark Griswold once said, Holy shit, where's the Tylenol?

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I'm not even sure I've got the same episode. I don't know, but I think I do. It's so confusing. So the way that they split up these episodes and propagate them online is really confusing. Sometimes it'll be a day old, but it's from season one. And then sometimes it'll be five months old, but it hasn't come out yet. It's really weird.

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Anyway, the Mountain Monsters, I promised that if I could find part number two of this, that we would play it. Thank you, Phil. I think I found it. In either which way, it's going to be entertaining. You know it is. So let us do that. Let us go ahead and... Let's do that. We will do that. I was trying to think about which charity... I'm so gracious today. Hold on one second. Well, ASPCA. Yes.

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Find it quick and join us this entire holiday season for brand new episodes of The Commercial Break.

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We were highlighting. But there was... I sent you one this morning. There was like a Feeding America. Yes, there is. But there was a – give me one second. Can you and Christina talk for a second while I talk about this?

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Yeah, I was going to say, we should add on to Christina's roster of responsibilities to make sure your hair looks good. Last looks. Yes. Okay, I don't want to get this wrong. So over the break, I'll check it and we'll make sure that we let you know and put it in the link in the show notes.

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It's basically, it's an organization that supports women who have been abused and the children that they care for when they're leaving those relationships. This is a super important cause. We donate a lot to the women's shelter down the street. Yeah, we do too. We donate anything that we have used or left over or we bought two of them or whatever happens, we will donate over there.

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This is a super important cause because abusive relationships tear down lives. They destroy children and women's lives and men too, to be honest with you. But right now we're focusing on the women. And so we're going to put a link in the show notes to this charity that does just that.

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They provide shelter, clothing, food, and assistance getting back on their feet and finding their way in the world without all the drama. So please support that cause and also any of the other causes that we've talked about in the 12 Days of TCB

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If you feel so inclined, you can certainly take a screenshot that you're donating, send it our way, and we'll make sure that we get you some extra TCB swag. Let's take a break, and we'll be back with the Mountain Monsters.

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The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Ding dong.

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Ah, yeah, dancers and prancers, welcome back to the 12 Days of TCB. I'm Brian Green. This is the Ellen of my clerk, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chrissy.

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The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is the charity that we were discussing, and they support local and national foundations that help women and children who have survived abusive relationships or abusive family situations. So please donate. It's a super important cause. My father really instilled this into us.

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He had four boys, so he instilled into us that being in a relationship that's abusive is never a good thing. And he really, by hitting me, my father made me realize that hitting was not good. I don't know any other way to say it. Anyway, let's transition from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence into the National Coalition Against Violence, or for violence, against monsters.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Our marathon continues, Chrissy. I think we're doing very well. How are you holding up?

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Last time we left the mountain monsters, they were chasing that Cherokee devil they had split up and then come back to. I don't know who fucking knows. They were chasing the mind-melting Cherokee devil. You ready to get into this?

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Okay, just wanted to check with you.

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Sounds like the last woman I dated. Buck. Buck, he's an expert caller.

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Chrissy, I think... Because I don't always... I think when you're doing such important work, it's not the title that matters. It's what you're doing, Chrissy. We don't get lost in the details. And yes, every single episode, they change the titles for these guys. Trapper, Professional Bigfoot Hunter. But now he's an expert caller. I don't even know what that means. What's an expert caller?

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Never once heard Buck call the monster. Never once.

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Because I said so. My name isn't Donald J. Trump.

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I'm hoping Huckleberry's in there.

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Are your lips chafed or anything? Do I need to get you some lipsticks, some chapsticks? Do you need water, hydration?

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And I don't mean, by Huckleberry, I don't mean the person. I mean the bush. I am hungry. Whoa, look, look, look, look, look, look, look. Do you see that? Do you see that?

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No, I didn't see anything.

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Oh, there we are. Yep, you're right. I did find the second part to this.

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Where'd she go? He's in a hut that's two foot by two foot, yet he's doing a thorough and exhaustive search for a woman. I think he would see her if she was there. He's looking around like she's under the floorboard. She was right here.

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Do you need anything? You know those marathoners?

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I walked up to that shack and there was no way that little Indian girl could get past me as I shaded most of the door. Now, did you see her? I did, right.

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Oh, there you go. Do you have eggnog really in there? I wish you did. That'd be a lot cooler if you did, bro. You know those marathoners? They just shit on themselves.

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Why can't anyone just use the word saw? I know. You don't seen something. You saw something.

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It's a fact. That Cherokee mind-hunting monster is chasing little Indian girls around the woods into this here whack shack. This is the whacking shack.

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It is really fucking with Buck's head. Yeah. I bet his therapy bills are high.

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Spooky damn place.

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Yeah, he's the one that yells and screams. But he said it's a spooky damn place. Is it any different than any of the other spooky damn places you've been? I mean, they all seem pretty spooky to me. Yeah. Out in the middle of the woods at night.

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And why are they always hunting at night? Why don't they just do something during the day? Have you ever heard of a drone? Take a page out of New Jersey's handbook.

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They do? Apparently. Chrissy knows. It's fact.

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Hold up, hold up, hold up.

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I spy with my one good eye a mountain monster of my size.

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So I'm going to do that when we get to day number nine or ten.

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I've said this from the beginning. These aren't the people, but... I've said this from the beginning, you're so right about this.

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I'm picturing like an entire... You know, like the first infantry division.

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You know what I'm saying?

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Surround the place. Yes. Turn on the high beams.

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Get some drones. Maybe a couple of those thermal imaging cameras. Not the kind you buy at Walmart for $10, but the actual thermal imaging. And then you get some people with some experience. You know, people who go to college for this type of stuff and they know about cryptology. Trained. Yeah, trained.

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Their video doorbells alert you when gifts arrive, And you can even chat with the delivery people to let them know where to leave the packages. The indoor cam, it's a game changer. So easy to set up. You can use it to check in on your pets when you're away. And with two-way talk, you can even talk to them.

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What's that?

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But no, you've got three guys who spend most of their time, let's be honest, brewing moonshine out in the woods in the middle of the night with loaded guns running around, blindly pointing them at things that they don't know. And they always seem to have a mental breakdown now in every episode. This has taken its toll on these guys, I think.

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Listen, don't knock it till you've tried it. You know, there are a lot of people. This was a thing on, I forgot which show, The Stern Show. So one of the guys there liked to go to heavy metal concerts, but he did not want to pee. He would drink a lot of beer. He did not want to go and pee and miss his favorite song. So he admitted on air that he would wear diapers. Now it's a thing.

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All the fame and fortune that Mountain Monsters brought them.

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Well, listen.

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After Dr. Phil's recent turn, I would not be surprised to see Hucker Buck on one of his shows. We just came. Why is everyone just standing here? Why don't we go say hi to him? So here's the thing. They've now they're now pointing their flashlights at Buck, who is sitting on the forest floor with his back turned to them. My question is, why not just go talk to Buck?

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Why are they all whispering behind his back?

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Oh, Trapper's the team leader.

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I've taken five to ten minutes out of this important time to talk to you, the camera, before I go check on Buck, who's probably dead.

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Little Cherokee Devil cakes. You can buy them at the corner store. Need them now. So long.

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She wouldn't call me back. We matched on Tinder. We matched on Tinder and she ghosted me literally.

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Damn shit. Damn shit. Damn shit. Damn shit. That whacking shit.

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She broke my heart. He looks like he just got back from a bad date. He does, I know. Am I right about this? Isn't this weird?

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He's gone. I know, he's gone. I saw her. She's gone. He's overwhelmed. I'll tell you what we're going to do. Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to open mouth kiss you.

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I'm going to open mouth kiss you and everything's going to be okay. We're all going to carry you back to the car and then we'll get you some hot cocoa. Buck need huggies. Buck need kissies, huggies.

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Yeah. I'm going to start sweeping these ridges.

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I'm going to start sweeping the ridges for Huckleberry. You stay here and weep like a child.

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They are making diapers for concerts.

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I am a weeper myself. I know about crying. I cry at songs. I cry. You know, I'm one of those guys. Emotion overcomes me. I'm not afraid to cry. I just don't know how to do it on command like Buck does.

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Now that we've got Buck back with the team, our number one— What is he, a researcher? Researcher. Researcher. Chef. Where's his pad of paper? What's he researching? Responsibility is to find Huckleberry. He's lost. He's somewhere in these woods. We've got to find him. Huckleberry! Huckleberry number one!

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Rock, yes. Rock dick diapers. Rock dick diapers.

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Huckleberry number two! Huckleberry—ah, whatever. Is there a Huckleberry out there?

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That's where we'll find... It's likely we need to go right back into the arms of the murderous monster in order to find our friend. Because nothing says be a friend like getting yourself killed additionally.

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Oh, there's a totem. Chrissy, this is the creepiest Mountain Monsters episode we have seen this week. In here. That's where we found that totem pole.

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Did anybody else catch that? It's gone. He went from South Kentucky accent. To Boston? Yeah, to like New England. Like Chesapeake Bay.

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It is. Yeah, super weird. Liquid Death, and then it's like, I don't know, in the spirit of Lemmy or something like that. Who knows? I saw the advertisement for it, thought it was a joke, but it's not a joke. Listen, it's just an adult diaper with leather.

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That scared me. It actually did. I thought someone was yelling in my house.

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Wow. Mountain Monster's got to rise out of me. Will Huckleberry be dead? Will we find the remains of the Cherokee Devil? I don't know.

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We'll wait until after we take a break. Remember... We're doing some good this DCB holiday by donating to good charitable causes. And there's a couple of them in the show notes for you. Today, we're focusing on the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Christina will put a link in the show notes. Please donate just a couple of bucks.

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This time of year is so important for all these charities. That's when they make their money and they do their best work. So if you would, go donate a few bucks to a family in need. We'll take a break. We'll be back.

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You change out the diaper, then it's got a leather with a satanic cross on it.

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Okay, and we're back with Huck, Chuck, Fuck, and Suck. Here on the Mountain Monsters, they're chasing the Cherokee Devil, Chrissy. And they're looking for Huckleberry.

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They were with the big totem pole. The 14-inch in diameter, 8-foot tall totem pole has now gotten up and walked itself away. It's gone. It's gone with Huckleberry. Huckleberry is also gone.

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Yeah, kind of, but it's more of a thong with a satanic cross on the front of it. Oh, okay. You know, the six-sided pentagram or whatever it is. Whatever the satanists are into these days. Yes. Whatever the paganists are into.

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What I noticed about Mountain Monsters, now that we've watched so many of these episodes, I'm getting into more of the nuance of the Mountain Monsters, is that a lot of the episode is dedicated to them standing around in the woods talking about what did happen when the cameras were not around.

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So Huckleberry, that's right. It's all Billy's fault. God damn it. It's only one of me. What do you want me to do? I'm busy shaking the camera for you. But this is an interesting thing that I just put together, is that a lot of times the most intense action is only described. It's not seen.

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That is the formula.

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Yeah, they do. Hey, good for these guys.

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No, that's just me shaking the camera a lot.

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If you've ever been out in the hills of these Appalachians and you hear somebody scream with all these deep valleys, tall ridges, you have no idea where it's coming from. Trapper, can you see any sign?

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If you know how sound works, then you understand that generally when you hear something coming from a direction, that sound is coming from that direction.

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Either something's got a hold of him, or the meth has gotten a little bit too much for him. But either way, we should find him before he takes his overalls off. This is bad.

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Oh, my gosh! What in the?

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is he naked against the tree they always put huckleberry in those situations remember the time he went to like the frozen lake he put yes and he was like wearing a loincloth on the frozen lake i mean to be fair to the group huckleberry probably is the best physique of the group like if you're gonna get naked let it be huckleberry It's Huckleberry. Easy, easy, easy. Easy, easy, easy.

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Don't help him quite yet. He's off. Let him suffer an additional couple of minutes before we go actually touch him.

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Hey, listen, Liquid Death is a big... No, not Liquid Death. I know, but they're the company that I think made it as a joke, but now it's real. Now people are admitting that they wear diapers to concerts so they don't miss out. Listen, in 2025, I have already planned to go to more concerts than I have in like 10 years total. I've bought tickets to so many concerts. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

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That's hilarious. Huckleberry's hung. He's hung like a Huckleberry. He's got his own twigs of berries. I'm telling you what. Huckleberry is covered in mud. He looks like a Huckleberry. Now he's officially Huckleberry. It looks like a bush running through the... At what cost does this show dignify or indignify people?

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Oh, my God!

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This is the best thing on Mountain Monsters ever. Is that Huckleberry? He is naked as a baby.

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He's a J-Bird.

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He does look like him. It's unbelievable.

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He's holding the totem pole. He's got two poles he's carrying around. If the blur is any indication. Wow, look at that. And that does not look anything like mud. I'm sorry. That is straight, like, crude oil or something. That's paint. Hell, he's gold, dude. Woo, look at that ass.

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He was having a moment. Hey. Giddy. Oh, they're tackling him. Oh, no. Did they say get him? Yeah, it's a kerfuffle. Get him. Get him before he orgasms. No one wants to see that. Quick. Rap is half hard in a cold cloth.

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Get him, get him, get him. Watch out, he's in the water.

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Oh, they jumped into the water. They did jump into the water. Oh, my God. Oh, this has gotten way crazier than I ever expected. Wow. So now we've got Huckleberry fucking a totem pole has been tackled by the rest of the team. Doused in cold water to stop him from jizzing on said totem pole. This is just amazing work on behalf of the Mountain Mountain. Who storyboarded this one out? I want to know.

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Travel Channel, you need a raise. Well, in the good news department, it's probably the first bath in Huckleberry's head. In a little while. In a little while.

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What in the world? These guys are like, they're cutely affectionate toward each other. Do you know what I mean? They are. Now, Huckleberry, I guess, has come to his senses since he's been doused in cold water. He is naked as a jaybird. I mean, the guy is just naked. And now they're petting his head, like, you know, standing above him petting his head.

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Like, you know, which indicates one of two things. Either they're being kind and gentle or someone's waiting for a blowjob. You know what I'm saying? It's just got that look to it. Hey, buddy.

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Ha-ha! Hell yeah!

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I'm a wet Huckleberry. Hell yeah! Wee-hee! All's well that ends well. He was fucking a totem pole with the Cherokee monster, but now that he's taking a bath, everything's great.

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But I am at the age where even if I don't drink a lot of beer, I might need the diapers just so I don't miss half the concert. That's just part of what you deal with when you get my age. When you're getting your bell rung four to five times a year. How many times does Jeff get his bell rung a year? This really made me think yesterday. We were talking about the bell ringing.

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we're coming out of my mother's womb walking and running oh i remember what's that walking and running shucking and fucking that's all look huckleberry's had a security oh security doing a fine job huckleberry keeping everybody away from the totem pole

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It was the most beautiful thing in the world. I saw God in my own eyes as I was caressing that totem pole gently, lovingly.

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Well, luckily, we got none of it on tape. Right. Luckily, we got none of it on tape.

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It's a certain kind of fear. Listen, I got to ask this just obvious question, too. Every episode, it's a fresh start. They come back. Everything's great. They're reinvigorated. They're going to new monster, new location.

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If you're really going through all this psychological torture, would it stand to reason that maybe you would take a couple of weeks off, a year off, two years off? You just got caught naked dragging a totem pole around the Appalachian Mountains. Don't you think that requires some vacation time?

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You've taken all our time fooling around with that totem pole. We're going to heal up, mentally and physically.

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Hey, listen, I am doing good this week.

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Yeah, let's do it. Let's come back and give him some. Yeah, yeah. Let's take a break so I can get to the bar. Yeah.

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How many times has Jeff had his bell rung, do you think?

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I thought it was the Cherokee Devil.

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Well, it is the Cherokee Devil. It's a version of Bigfoot. You've got to understand. There's not just one type of Bigfoot. There are multiple types of Bigfoot. And the mountain monsters are tuned into all of them. They know. They put their ear to the holla. That's fact. Yeah, I put my ear to the holla, and then they figure it out. And it's a fact. That's funny.

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And these guys are determined, one way or the other, to find that Bigfoot. Imagine if they spent this much time, energy, effort, and money actually trying to find a Bigfoot. Maybe they would find Bigfoot. I think so.

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Does he still get it done?

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I just can't get over Huckleberry sitting there naked.

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He's just kind of like a puddle of old man just laying there. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Listen, I don't look any better naked, but I'm just saying he's just kind of a puddle of an old man. I know. Am I right?

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I wanted to recommend another doctor.

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He really does. He looks woke. But again, I want to remind everybody, I think it's best we're seeing Huckleberry naked and not any of the other guys. That's because I think this is the best of a bad choice. You know what I'm saying?

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And why are they blurring out his chest? He must have a tattoo there that they don't like, yeah.

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I guess the Nazi tattoos don't go over too well on Travel Channel, huh?

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All right, there it is, the second part of that. I think there might be a middle part there that we missed with the manila envelopes.

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We did not see the manila envelopes. But anyway, the mountain monsters did not fail to catch the Cherokee monster. But Huckleberry got a bath, so I guess that's good. Speaking of aliens and monsters, have you been keeping up with the New Jersey drone situation? Yes, I have. The East Coast drone situation?

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That is going absolutely bananas.

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People are demanding answers, and I have one for you. They're New Jersey drones. That's what they are. They're drones from New Jersey.

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Hundreds of people, maybe thousands of reported sightings of drones Many people calling them UFOs.

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It wasn't weird back then. It's all of a sudden weird now, which makes me think it really was weird in the first place. It was probably weirder when it was happening than it's not happening. But what are you going to do when a doctor tells you to bend over and whistle Dixie? That's what you do. Take a deep breath. Relax, Brian. Relax. Relax your anus.

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Over New Jersey. Some people think they are Iranian actual like military drones. And some of them are rather large.

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Yes, they can be car size. Drones come in all different sizes. Matter of fact, the U.S. military flies drones that are the size of fighter planes. They're literally planes, autonomous planes. But the kind that you can get commercially available usually don't have battery life more than an hour or two.

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Some people reported seeing them for up to four or five hours up there in similar places, moving in ways that they're not supposed to move. But the U.S. government has assured us, and of course the U.S. government is assuring everybody, that... What we're saying. Yeah, it's safe. Don't worry about it. People are freaking the fuck out.

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They think that aliens have now just they're out there dancing with other drones and airplanes. They're making their move. Essentially, I tend not to believe that. I would love to think that we're finally having contact because that would be really fucking cool and or maybe not. I don't know.

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But all the videos that I've seen, I feel like those could be explained away as either commercially available drones that have something has been put on them, like some kind, you know, people make like Star Trek drones, Star Wars drones. They make drones in all different shapes and sizes. So are these people that are just fucking around? Likely.

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Also, is it possible that there are military or law enforcement drones that are out there also tracking people and the government just doesn't want to say for whatever reason? Yes. Is it likely that they're actual UFOs? No, it's not likely. No. I'd love to believe it. You know we would, but I'm just not convinced. I haven't seen any convincing video.

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Lots of people putting together super shitty fake videos, you know, trying to claim. And there are hundreds of thousands of people collectively on social media that are desperately buying into this. They think this is it. Here it comes. Here's our time. You know, this hysteria has been going on since the 1930s and it's not going to go away anytime soon. Do I believe that there are aliens?

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Absolutely. Do I think they've been here? Maybe. Maybe we're aliens. Maybe we dropped from a meteorite in the sky, or our DNA did, somehow, some way, shape, or form.

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But until someone actually shows me some proof, and there are convincing videos out there, like that military video, but until someone shows me convincing proof, I think this is likely some dickhead in his mom's garage building interesting drones and flying them around New Jersey, and other dickheads in their mom's garage flying other drones because now they want to get on the action and see their drones on social media.

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Plus, if you want some privacy, you can just flip the manual cover to turn off the camera and microphone. Wherever the holidays take you, Ring makes sure that you're always home for the holidays. So head to Ring.com to find the latest deals on Ring video doorbells, cams, and alarm kits. Ring makes the perfect gift for everyone on your list.

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Do you know what I'm saying?

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That's my opinion, but stay tuned. We never know. I mean, what do you think?

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And if there are really thousands of sightings of these, someone is going to catch a video, if it is an alien or a UFO, an actual UFO, someone's going to catch a video that is good quality enough that we will be able to see and it will be convincing. If they don't, then it's just dickheads in their mom's garages. That's...

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If there are aliens and they got here, they're either been here for a long time, like octopuses, right, are aliens. Yeah. Or they are so fucking advanced that if they don't want to be seen, they're not going to be seen. If they want to be seen, they'll be seen. And also, if there are UFOs and it's advanced technology, they will fly in ways we have never seen things fly before.

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And again, there are videos out there that are pretty fucking convincing that the military has taken. You remember a couple of years ago that was released. That one still gets my gut. That one still makes me think, wow, maybe they did catch that on video. But so far, the New Jersey drones... Look like New Jersey drones.

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Yeah. It looks like New Jersey drones. So stop fucking around, people. It's not Elon Musk. It's not the aliens. It's just New Jersey drones. I think. My opinion. But you know what? Stay tuned. Tomorrow, we'll be back for more 12 Days of TCB. 13 Days of TCB. 20 Days of TCB. You count. You figure it out. However many episodes.

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Speaking of anus, so the other day we were talking about Dr. Phil and speaking of doctors and anus, I told you that Dr. Phil had done a series of, let me remember this, he had done a series of commercials for the commercial break.

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I was talking to someone at the network today, and he was like, it actually ends up being 20 straight days. 20 straight days of TCB. That's amazing. We did it.

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Yeah, we're doing it. Which means we only have officially taken off four days the entire December. Isn't that crazy?

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Yes. But our traffic hasn't gone up one bit, so I don't know. No, I'm kidding. Oh, man. All right. Well, we wrapped up that Mountain Monsters nice and neatly. Yeah, and a bow for Christmas. We've still got lots of dating content to come. MTV, old MTV dating shows. The Love Connection. And a very special Christmas Eve and Christmas Day for you.

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You know we can only end the year with one kind of bow. And man, are we going to wrap it up for you. So stay tuned to the 12 Days of TCB. In the meantime, like so many of you have, please text us. Let us know how it's going. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. You can also follow us on Instagram at TheCommercialBreak. TCB Podcast on TikTok, or you can go to the website, tcbpodcast.com.

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There's more information about the show, all the audio, all the video right there from one location. If you'd like your free TCB bumper sticker, one that will probably last at least 30 days, go to the website at the contact us button. The dropdown menu says, I want my free sticker. You can give us your physical address and away it will go. Guess what?

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All episodes of The Commercial Break now available on video. We spent all this money to make the studio look nice. Why don't you go watch us look nice on YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break. Or you can check out the full episodes on Spotify about three days after they air. And I wish I could put them up the very same day, but it doesn't work that way.

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They look good. On Spotify?

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We just have to find a way to make money off that. Then we'll be great. There's a lot of people actually watching them on Spotify. So please tune in to Spotify a couple days after they air here and you can watch it. Donate to all the fantastic causes we've been talking about. The National Breast Cancer Coalition Fund, St. Jude, ASPCA, and the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

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So one of the ways you can grow your podcast is to dump a whole shitload of money into having other podcast influencers types to talk about your show. And obviously, it's a paid sponsorship. It happens during the commercial. So it's not like they actually like the show. It's like they're being paid to talk about the show.

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Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for right now.

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I'll tell you that I love you.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until tomorrow, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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He is coming.

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MY OPINION!

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Yes. So one of our first... Like famous people that ever talked about the commercial break because we paid them was Dr. Phil on his little podcast that I can't remember what it was, but he has a couple different podcasts. And one of those, we managed to negotiate a deal with him.

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And unbelievably, it brought us quite a bit of traffic, which was surprising or not surprising, depending on how you look at it. I dug deep in the commercial break archives and I actually found because I'm religious about keeping every single thing.

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I deleted that. I deleted the Dr. Phil commercial, but air play or air drop or air, whatever it is. The what is that? I cloud kept it for me. The air. iCloud kept it for me, and I didn't want to disappoint the listeners. I wanted to follow up on this. One of the benefits of having Christina here is that she reminds me that I say something, and then we have to follow through on it.

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You're easy to ignore. Christina's new to the group.

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I don't want to let her know what an asshole I am quite yet. There's a whole thing with the ladies. I put my best foot forward for at least three months before I let you know what an actual shithead I am. So, Christina, on page eight, I think.

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You've got it queued up.

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Ladies and gentlemen, I want to present to you the, I think this is the very first read that Dr. Phil, let's listen to the excitement in Dr. Phil's voice as he talks about ghost fuckers. Go.

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And thanks to Ring for being a sponsor of the commercial break.

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They are our paid friends. To be fair to Dr. Phil, I actually wrote a sample script. And I said, if you haven't listened to the show, you can tell him that we paid. So he took my cue from that. But just listen to the enthusiasm of Dr. Phil's. The commercial break. The commercial break. Our new paid friends over the commercial break. By the way, are those dentures? Is that what I'm hearing?

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Am I hearing the dentures? Play it one more time. Is it on stop start?

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Comedy Podcast.

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He does have a thick tongue. If I've ever seen a tongue... I've never seen a tongue so thick on a man.

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He's got a thick tongue.

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That's what she said. Hey! I mean, that's what you get. So when we were talking about paying influencers the other day to talk about our show... That's kind of what you get. So I even think if we could drum up $3.23 million to get Cristiano Ronaldo to talk about us, I'm sure what we would get was they paid me to say commercial break. Exactly. It's terrible.

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They paid us.

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Yeah, and then you wonder why these things kind of, you know, sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. Dr. Phil, we had a stroke of luck. There are other people that we have paid that we've not had such luck. It will go remain nameless because they just won't get another order from us. But that's the world of paid influencing.

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And that is why 99.9% of the time when people ask us to do commercial reads for their podcast, I just say no. Because unless it's something that I'm really excited about listening to, it would be really hard for me to give it my full gusto.

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If you listen closely, you will know the difference between a product or service that Brian is excited about and a product or service that Brian is not excited about. If you listen to those commercial reads closely enough. But I never say they've paid us a lot of money to do this. Thank you, Dr. Phil, for all your kindness throughout the years. I mean, listen, can you fault the guy?

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Dr. Phil kind of took a weird left-right turn over the last couple of years. I was never like the world's biggest Dr. Phil fan. My mother was the world's biggest Dr. Phil fan when Dr. Phil offshot from Oprah and had his own show.

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Daytime TV. He was the king of daytime TV for a long time. When he... You know, he was like a cow doctor, I think. He was like a bovine doctor. And then Oprah got sued for saying that meat was murder or something along those lines.

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That was a big deal. And Dr. Phil showed up in her defense. And then somehow, someway, some shape, some form, he ended up on Oprah. I mean, literally, the guy ended up on Oprah giving people advice.

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Yeah, he had a way to cut the mustard, Chrissy.

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And at first, on the Dr. Phil show, it seemed like he was legitimately trying to help people with legitimate family issues. But I don't know. And then it dovetailed, like they all do. Season number three, it went to Jerry Springer-level craziness. And I think we've had some of the most... Do you know the... Who's that girl, Catch Me Outside, Cash Me Outside? Do you know the Cash Me Outside girl?

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Isn't she like a famous musician now? You don't know? Oh, okay. I thought you were looking at me like you knew what I was saying.

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Yeah, the Cash Me Outside girl.

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Yeah, Cash Me Outside, how about that? She's become super famous in the social media circles. And the reason why is because she literally told Dr. Phil, catch me outside. And what she meant by that was, I'll kick your ass. Catch me outside because I'll kick your ass. Okay. It turned into one of the most bowdy, rowdy, insane shows ever.

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And Dr. Phil, I think, in my opinion, lost any kind of credibility that a TV psychologist would have otherwise had. But it's high entertainment if you watch it just for that.

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Bad Baby is super famous, right?

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Did you know that she got her start on the Dr. Phil show?

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No, it all started on the Dr. Phil show. Wow. Unless I'm mistaken. Are we really connecting these two together?

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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She became best known for her appearance on Dr. Phil, but then became Bad Baby.

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These Ho? H-A-U-X?

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She spelled ho like you spell foe?

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H-E-A-U-X.

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What world are we living in? What insane world are we living in? I can't keep up. I think I saw somebody, I was reading an article the other day, and literally, I read someone's name, it had a dollar sign and an asterisk in it. How do you say dollar sign asterisk? Dollar.

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Dollar ass.

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You are just damning. Unless you are super rich and super famous and you're going to pass that wealth down to your children, you are absolutely dooming your child to a world of... to a miserable life if you put a dollar sign and an asterisk in their name. Of course, maybe they chose that. Maybe that's what they chose. People want to be individuals right now.

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And that's why the Cash Me Outside girls made a career out of it. And we're still suffering and toiling the 12 fucking days of TCB.

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Well, that's true. And he has thousands of episodes. Dr. Phil has to have thousands of episodes. I, I fault us for Dr. Phil. I fault us. Because, yes, he was a straight-talking, like, you know, no-nonsense kind of dad figure, right? He was a parental figure, I think, to millions of people on television who would literally cut through the mustard.

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Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe and happy holidays. Sometimes podcasts like ours will take off a lot of time during the holidays, but not us. We're gluttons for punishment. So we have the 12 Days of TCB coming at you. December 13th through the 25th, brand new episodes every single day and live fresh episodes during the entire holiday season.

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It was refreshing to hear someone not tiptoe, to hear a therapist type not tiptoe around things and be sensitive about your feelings, but just tell you how, call it like he saw it. But that quickly turned into some kind of muddled fucking mess.

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Yeah, that's absolutely what they want to see. Maury Povich was a respected reporter at CVS at the pharmacy. he was a respected cbs reporter until he started doing paternity tests on tv and that's what he is best known for and people fucking love it they tune in by the millions to see are you the father which is amazing to me that's amazing well look at what we love on tlc yes

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But I want to skip over to Katie because she's important.

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How profound. How absolutely profound. They don't even really look like they're weightless. They're kind of like a little bit floating in space. But I guess gravity is still holding you down a little bit.

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Look, look, look, look!

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Rather than focusing on the, what you're seeing is a bunch of people who are showing the, they're showing off for the camera. That's what they're doing. Not paying attention. There's no profundity in the moment. They are not, Lauren Sanchez is not coming to a realization about how many, how it's one earth and it's breathing.

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That is the one thing that I will say about this is think whoever that you pray to or meditate to. They did come back alive.

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Wow. Wow. So incredible. What a moment for humanity.

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Well, good luck with that because they know exactly what this is. It's a PR stunt and they need the PR. And so Lauren gets to talk first. She is the boyfriend, she is the girlfriend of Jeff Bezos. Katie gets to talk second because she's in the famous line, the second one down. Well, she's really the most famous, but right, you know, Lauren has to talk first.

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You can make a rocket go to the moon, but you can't make a microphone work for five minutes.

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Oh, here we go with some long-winded explanation about why daisies are so important.

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And they...

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And I believe you can... And that's why I took a completely... Pointless. Vapid exploration into high atmosphere, burning a bunch of fuel, resources, time, energy, and money.

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Just as vapid as I thought I was. So self-important. Thank God. Thank God me, Katy Perry, did not blow up because I put the ass back in astronaut mode.

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You did what?

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You sat in the seat. Yeah. Yeah.

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What training do you need to go do nothing? Learn how to sit? Do you have to learn how to sit, Chrissy?

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I don't know why this charges me up so much, but it charges me up. I just feel like this is such a waste of our collective time.

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And here I am spending time on it. But at least I have content to create.

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It's like a daisy. It's a weed everywhere. It grows everywhere. It grows under our feet and in the flowers.

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Yeah, because that's what you wear to space.

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Neil Armstrong would be proud.

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There was cackling going on the entire time. What do you mean still and quiet? There was nothing quiet about that flight.

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One small step for a man. Look how this has changed her. Yes, this is unbelievable. I hope Krista McAuliffe is not watching this. I hope she's moved on in the ethers because Krista McAuliffe, A teacher who spent a year training to go up in space, one year away from her family, and died a horrific, terrible death in front of hundreds of millions of people. A true saint.

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kissing the stars, slipped the surly bonds, as Reagan said, was going up there to advance man's understanding of humanity in space and possibly onto the next step. She did it. And that is a woman who certainly advanced the causes in so many ways and became a martyr in the process for manned space flight. These ladies, while wonderful in their own right, in their own professions,

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singer, you know, press person, boyfriend, girlfriend of the richest man in the world, while wonderful in their own professions, did zero for anything yesterday, except cause a bunch of ruckus. And now sitting there sounding so self-important, it just makes them all sound vapid if I'm being honest. To me, it makes them sound vapid. So Krista McAuliffe, the real hero.

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I say we should remember her today. And that is what I have to say about that, Chrissy. That's right. Now let's get on to a vapid man. Let's move on from the vapid women. Let's get on to the vapid men. Frankie B. I have one in my pocket. I said we've done all the Frankie B's, but I'm really I'm like a I'm like a father saving the last cookies, hiding them away for a rainy day. That's right.

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For a rainy day. And I have a video that I've been keeping in my pocket from Frankie B. And so from listener request, Frankie B video when we get back. Stay tuned.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chrissy Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chrissy.

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Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large.

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And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules.

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They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything. You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Serea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. All right. From one self-important video to another, Chrissy.

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I felt, you know, it's only fair that we take a pot shot at the dipshit guys that are out there, too. And our favorite dipshit, Frankie B., while not a new video, has an older video that we actually, unbelievably, haven't reviewed before. And so I give it no preface. I give it no conversation. Let's just get right into it. This is how to be. Well, I'll say this. It's how to be fashionable and fit.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. I don't want to delay right now, Chrissy. I want to get into it because there's a lot of conversation that's going around about our fearless...

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For men over 50.

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Some tips and tricks, Chrissy, on how you too can, you know, get that.

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That's right. Bed those 20-year-olds even well into your 50s. Look at that hair. That hair is a masterpiece. It looks like ocean waves.

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Black shirt, gray background, ready to rock. Here we go. God, I love Frankie.

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Guarantee it won't be simple. And guarantee it won't work.

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I do have to say, I'm a fan of the old intro. Like, this is the older intro and I'm a fan of it.

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He's Edward Scissorhands. Yeah. To the camera.

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Who decided to put that in the intro anyway? It had to have been him.

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Like a Creed video. I love it. I love it. What's going on, everybody? What's up, everybody?

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cackle of geese that went to yes that went to the carmen line it's also known as space to some people not to me but to some people also known as space how do you feel about that did they go to space or did they not go to space or is that not for you to figure out i mean it's i you know i mean they went up really really high but yeah i don't know if i would consider that space i

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I can only imagine that some guy in his mid-30s stumbled upon this video and said, wait, there might be information in here for me, Chrissy.

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Frankie loses letters in words. Have you noticed this? It's like my favorite part about him speaking. It's like one of my kids who's just learning how to talk and they say things funny. So does Frankie. Now, I also misspeak a lot, too. So I'm not throwing stones in a glass house. It's almost endearing. It's a little cute. In order to do things.

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By the way, nothing like the double bracelet on a man. Yeah. What's better than one? Two bracelets. Let me remind you, if you do like it... There's probably a few rings on there, too. Oh, yeah. It never went out of fashion. Even though in the 90s everybody was wearing multiple rings, Chrissy, for Frankie, it never went out of fashion.

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No one has forgotten about grooming. My father is in his seventies and he still grooms himself.

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Well, he's right about that. It's weird as you get older and this doesn't happen in your fifties. This happens in your like late twenties. All of a sudden the hair on your head stops growing, but that one hair in your ear, it shows up overnight. Yeah.

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So far, put on deodorant and change your silas. If your silas isn't working, yes.

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No, I don't think it's space. You know, there are people that actually have been to space. People that have, like, slipped the surly bonds of Earth, as Reagan said, after the Challenger space shuttle crash. Which, by the way, I remember watching that live and how emotional that moment was, even as a seven-year-old or however old I was. That was intense, that whole Challenger thing.

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Yeah, I can guarantee you they don't have Frankie's style. And I can guarantee you, you can't find a magazine anymore, Frankie. I mean, magazines just don't exist.

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Yeah, Frankie. Chrissy, you're just not paying attention out there. Most guys literally don't even know they have skin. It's a fact. Fact. A known fact.

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Yeah. He's really painting the picture of like an incel that lives in his mom's basement. I know. I don't think most men are like that.

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That's right, guys. That is a good tip.

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I think that's a little much. Slow down. Don't take medical advice from Frankie, guys.

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Yeah, if you've got $6,000 a month to spend, that shit's expensive. I looked for an eye cream, I don't know, about a week and a half ago.

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$36 for like an ounce? No, it was for an ounce. Yeah, that's the low.

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Jeez, it was crazy. Homework, but whatever you do, do it. So I just bought Vaseline and I smear it all over my eyes at night. And my son is like, what is that?

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Those people on their way to space.

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If you're hemming and hawing? What? If you're hemming and you're hawing. Do you hemming and hawing or do you hawing and hawing?

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Katy Perry. the morning news anchor of Oprah's best friend and the girlfriend of the rocket dick owner, not necessarily heading off to space. And I find this to be an exercise in futility and opulence and... There's been a lot of... Yes, there has. And I think rightfully so. If I'm being honest, I think rightfully so. I don't argue anybody's right to go to space.

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wow frankie is charged up about this by the way of all the videos that we have done and we've done a lot of frankie b videos this is part of the reason why this is in the back pocket too is because some of these tips are actually not that bad he's like he's trying to motivate you to understand that first of all it's not too late to change the way that you to change your body be healthier feel better about yourself look better on a daily basis uh

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He's going about it a weird way. He's trying to endear himself to the person on the other end by insulting them the entire time.

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But this is not the worst advice Frankie has ever given. As a matter of fact, I would put it on the top end of advice Frankie has given. You're stuck in...

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I know a lot of Spanish, and I don't think chacharita is a word. But, hey, I like it anyway. My wife went, hey, chacharita, Brian. I say, I've been kicking myself in the balls and trimming my nose hairs.

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All right, Drill Sergeant Frankie is teaching.

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Drill Sergeant Frankie B is teaching us how to be better in general over 50 years old.

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Eating horribly and chachariting over to the gym by breaking your ass and kicking yourself in the balls.

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I don't care what kind they are. Good, bad, indifferent, all sugars out of your diet, Chrissy. I'm coming over to your house. I'm going to raid your closet.

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You can't eliminate all sugar from your diet. It's impossible. But okay, I get what he's saying.

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I think that's what I do to my pool. Yeah, I think that's the problem with my green pool is it's not chlorotic enough.

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Of our lives. We're going on a really cool roller coaster that cost a billion and a half dollars to complete this journey from one end to the other. Instead, they're acting as if they're the first people to step on Mars. And it's ridiculous how self-important all these people just think they are when there are so many things going on in this universe. That need addressing.

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I've seen you with your shirt off, Frankie. Now, it's just a fact of life that all skin is going to start to sag no matter how in shape you are. It's going to happen.

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Of course. But give it a try. By the way, he just gave you six steps you can take. And now he's repeating himself. He's just telling you, go back to the six steps and pick one.

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talking about you're gonna give it a second thought but then you are gonna grab it you are gonna wear it you're gonna wear it at some point it's gonna look like shit yeah listen he's this comes from a guy who has worn the same shirt on every video that we have ever done yes the black shirt

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Oh, I go shoes up. I go dick down. That's what I do. I got... I start with what makes my penis look bigger and then I work my way down. Yeah, and I don't worry about the top. If I'm not going to get them from the waist down, Chrissy, I'm not going to get them.

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Yeah, the resources, the time, the air time. The Kardashians did the play-by-play. That's all you got to know about this is the Kardashians. The noted rocket scientist, Kim Kardashian and her mother. Yeah. We're invited to do the commentary on the space mission liftoff thing. And it was just about as dumb as... It was a PR stunt like I have never seen. Yeah, really?

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I think these guys you're describing, don't be afraid to step outside, period. It sounds like you're describing a hermit.

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Yes, like Frankie. Go two sizes smaller than you actually are and then squeeze every little ounce into it. Do me a favor.

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You're assuming that everyone can afford to buy a new wardrobe every time they don't like a shirt and then go get the... sleeves on a short sleeve shirt tailored, just buy a shirt that fits well.

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Hunched over 300 pound man with nose hair just like sprouting out of his nose.

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What about the individual? I think Frankie is under the assumption that a lot of people out there are the opposite of what Frankie is. I'm not saying there's a lot of men over 50 that are in such shape because you got to give it to Frankie. He is in good shape. There is no doubt about that. I give him credit where credit is due. He takes care of his skin. He's got hair plugs, but that's okay.

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We're learning to live with Frankie's follicles. He dresses not how I would dress, but I can see how that would be attractive in a certain way, shape, or form. I would get rid of some of the jewelry and the big belt buckles and stuff like that. But okay, his fashion fits his form, and he's a relatively good-looking dude for whatever he is, getting close to 60, I think. We don't know.

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But making the assumption that everybody is the opposite, I don't think is the right assumption to make. I think most men are somewhere in the middle. They're not exactly taking care of every inch of their body, but they're also not ignoring things like nose hair growing three or four inches out of your nose.

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I mean, since the Tyson-Paul brother fight, I have never seen a PR stunt so stupid in my entire life. But that's the name of the game in 2025. How dumb... Can you be and draw as much attention to yourself as possible?

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I don't even know what that means. That's not a word.

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He wants you to put your ass up in the squeeze those butt cheeks and get those shoulders backwards.

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Oh, here we go. We've been waiting for this all video. Here it comes. The absolutely useless advice Frankie's about to drop on us.

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Cut your nose hairs. Go to the gym. Start eating. Well, listen, confidence. It's so easy to get Chrissy. It's so easy to get, so hard to lose once you have it.

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All right. That's the end of the video. We did. We really liked it. Thank you. All right. Quick episode.

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Yeah. Yeah, listen. I just wish there was so much more of that dating content that he put out there. Oh, the dating content. Because that's where the gold is.

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But what really caps this off, listen, I think if they had gone to space and then told everybody post, if they had gone to the Kármán line and told everybody post Kármán line, hey, you know what I did? I got a ride on a rocket ship and it was really cool. You know, didn't really mean anything, but at least I took a ride.

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That's right. Ding-dongs. I wish we could go back to the good old days of Frankie, but I think the golden age, at least for now, is gone because Frankie has a girlfriend. And she won't let him do this anymore. She said, do another video, and I'm gone.

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His travel videos are gold also, but he's just not getting any more of it. I guess we'll have to rely on Katy Perry and that group of women to bring us travel videos from now on. That's right. The outer reaches of not outer space. There you go. And listen, let me be clear. I'm not beating up on women. I don't want to make it sound like that. They just happen to be women.

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If it was men, I would say the same. I've said the same thing about Shatner's trip, too. We're not doing anything fantastic. But, you know, listen, Jeff Bezos can spend his money how he wants to spend his money.

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I wish they would read the room and understand how superfluous it sounds and is in this moment. And maybe not make such a big deal about it. Yeah, like Katie could say, yeah, I went to the Carmen line. It was beautiful. It was awesome. It made me realize that we really got to take care of Mother Earth. And it also made me realize that there's a lot of things down here on Earth that need attention.

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So let's get to that, right? Now let's spend our time and resources doing some good out there. And what that is, it looks different for everybody. But... To make it sound like bringing a daisy in space was changed humanity forever. It's just dumb. Dumb as Frankie. Okay, May 31st, 12 hours of TCB. Maybe call it a baker's dozen. We just don't know. Will we even get through 12 hours? I don't know.

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You tune in and figure it out. May 31st, that's a Saturday. 12 hours of TCB. 12 episodes on the hour starting at 10 a.m. of the commercial break in one day. TCBpodcast.com. You can find out more information about the 12 hours, all the audio and the video.

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and your free sticker to contact us button at the commercial break on Instagram, youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak to watch all of our videos the same day they air here on the audio. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now. I think so. I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe.

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Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye. Goodbye.

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We did it. Congratulations. But all the hype leading up to it, all the press leading up to it, and then the press afterwards. Yeah. puts the icing on the cake. Now, I know you've seen some of this, but I wanted to quickly get into reviewing the press conference, the absolute fluffing that took place after these ladies landed on Earth.

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Now, we're in a very staged, I just want to set it up for the listener. You can go to youtube.com slash the commercial break. We're on a stage. It's very staged. There are cactuses on each end because they're in the desert. They have to let you know they're in the desert. There's a huge image of the penis right behind Katy Perry's head. And then the audience is filled with press.

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And family and friends. So all the other rich folks are in there also applauding the journey to nowhere, essentially. So I'm going to skip all of the complete nonsense that is the human being. I think she's a sports reporter for ESPN. She is doing the like. Yeah, she's the interview. She is the moderator of this panel.

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All the, I'm not going to call them astronauts, all the ladies who went on the ship, on the Dick ship, they're all sitting there in their spacesuits, which are highly tailored to their physical forms.

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Lauren Sanchez, yeah.

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Oh, my God. Honestly, it looks like they're posing for an Instagram. It looks like they're Instagram influencers in these. That is not a spaceship suit. I mean, listen, I also don't argue that astronauts should be comfortable and look good doing their job. But this is so these are so highly tailored, like every inch of Katy Perry is seen in this highly tight fitting suit. space.

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Anyway, okay, here we go. Ready? I'm going to skip all the fluff. We're about 10 minutes in. They're getting to the question and answer part. First, we're going to hear from Lauren Sanchez, then Katy Perry. Then, if we cannot throw up on ourselves, we'll eventually get to Oprah's best friend. Okay, here we go. And bear with me. I've got to jump around this a little bit.

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And since I'm not, you know, we're not I'm not Howard Stern. I don't have the ability to just like jump from one clip to the next. I'm going to have to scroll through. So hold on here. Okay.

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Yes, please. I want to get into it. I want to get into it. I want to take a deep dive on your shallow flight.

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Oh my God. Could you please. Why don't you just lick the shaft of Jeff Bezos? Why don't you do that? Everybody bending to the will of everybody else. Why not be an actual reporter and go, was this a trip to space? Really? That's the first question I would ask.

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Yeah, that it didn't blow up. Well, you know what?

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Seven seconds in space. Yeah. With absolutely no images to prove that you were there.

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That is the one thing that I will say about this is think whoever that you pray to or meditate to, they did come back alive.

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Yeah. Just as vapid as I thought I was. So self-important. Thank God. Thank God me, Katy Perry, did not blow up because I put the ass back in astronaut.

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Yeah. Cause that's what you wear to space. That's the all purpose shoes you want to take to space.

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Oh, my God. I'm already sick to my stomach about this.

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Okay, don't we all feel better? Aren't I doing a great job of conducting this press conference? How professional am I?

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I know I do. Well, thank God for me.

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I love yoga, by the way. I love yoga and long walks on the beach.

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In researching... I have to start with you because Jeff told me to start with you.

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Curvature of space. Yeah, and come back down. By the way, there are pictures. You can do that. There are pictures. Other people have taken pictures.

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We all had a little powwow before we came out, got Botox, and then we came out and got additional Botox. Holy shit. Cat lady on the way to cat lady? Right, it is very cat lady-like.

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That's the one word I was thinking too when I was thinking about this flight is how profound it all really was.

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Just like when I go out on my back porch, the moon is behind complete darkness. Something I hadn't realized till now, Chrissy. It's the overview effect. When I see a presentation and it has the word overview on it, I completely blank out. It was...

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I heard that those microphones on that ship and all that was going on was screaming for three and a half straight minutes. You guys were you ladies were screaming at the top of your lungs.

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That's right. I want to come back. And now I'm going to help Jeff get.

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I've got to get back to a state dinner with Trump and Melania. I'm sorry. I've got things to do, places to go. Imagine all the people are still stuck on Earth.

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Katie Perry in the audience. It's like death. I don't even understand what she said, but it sounded really pretty.

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Yeah, there's a lot of other people that could use that open heart empathy. I look forward to seeing it.

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The yacht that consumes 75 million gallons of diesel every five minutes. And by the way, we're going to make the boxes even bigger for Amazon. You ordered one razor? Yeah.

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Who is that? There's so many people on this planet that you love. Which other planet did you assume those people were going to be on?

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Oh, my God. We're going to have to have a palate cleanser with an actual astronaut space conference.

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She pulled me up from the doldrums of private school and hoisted me right into the arms of the world's richest man. And I took a space dick to the Carmen line, Chrissy. This feather's for you. And this feather, I'm not giving it back to you, but I just want you to know I flew it to space.

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This moderator.

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Unbelievable. She's not moderating anything. She's like that moderator at the PodFest conference.

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Let's handle all that minutia while we're all watching.

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That's why we've taken the education department, thrown it in the trash.

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Thank you. I'm sorry that you're so poor because you're a teacher.

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This episode is sponsored by our new favorite partner, Dollar Shave Club. I could not be more thrilled that one of my favorite brands has joined the commercial break as a sponsor, Dollar Shave Club. Been a customer for a very long time, one very happy customer indeed. It's no surprise that facial hair is personal. It grows on our face.

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Thanks to Dollar Shave Club for being a sponsor of the commercial break.

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That one passion in life that, despite all odds and despite some circumstances, you keep going back to because it feels like the thing that you were here to do. You have to keep exploring it, unveiling it, unfolding it, unwrapping it. Even though it's beating you upside the head sometimes, you just keep going into it. These two found volcanoes to be that thing.

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We're crazy.

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Yes. And the end is... The beginning of the movie shows the end, but the end of the movie is quite sad and surprising, but you'll figure it out.

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I mean... Well, I do, in the sense that... Well, I mean, they showed us a very... They died doing what they love to do. But what's surprising to me is that they found themselves so close to something they knew so well that was going to... be explosive. And then yet they continued to walk toward it. It was just like, guys, you've done this before. Don't do that.

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And then they go over some of the volcano explosions that have happened in the last 40 years that you may not have even heard about, some that you will have heard about, but just how insanely destructive and beautiful volcanoes are.

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Yes, Mount St. Helens was a gray one. Literally, the tectonic plates come together and they burp, essentially. And when they burp, the mountain explodes, the volcano explodes. And that's what happened to Mount St. Helens, like apparently, you know, 17 Hiroshima's worth of power. And that was crazy.

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I do remember, I mean, it was 1981, so I was just a baby, but I remember hearing about that very young in news stories.

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And, you know, that's the earth. That's the earth that we live on. So you must go watch Fire of Love. You must watch the Christopher Reeves documentary. And you must watch TCB on YouTube.com slash thecommercialbreak. Now every episode available on YouTube. That's a whole kind of different documentary. Yes, that's a whole different kind of documentary.

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We're documenting the silly stuff we talk about like other people's television shows and movies.

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Podcast of love. There you go. Brian and Chrissy's new podcast. Five days a week. Available on the Odyssey app for free or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, we'll be back.

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And it makes a huge difference. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed have 45% more applications than non-sponsored jobs. Plus, with Indeed sponsored jobs, there are no monthly subscriptions, no long-term contracts, and you only pay for results. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to get your jobs more visibility at Indeed.com slash listen.

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Just go to Indeed.com slash listen right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Indeed.com slash listen. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring? Indeed is all you need.

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I want to talk about a couple of things. Number one, do you know what tripping with Tarte is? Tripping with Tarte? Tripping with Tarte? You know what this is? I do not.

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Tarte, the cosmetic brand. It's got neon in it, so I thought it might have been French. Tarte. Tripping with Tarte. I think I heard one of the girls say Tarte.

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So Tripping with Tarte is apparently a cosmetics line, and that cosmetics line has become quite famous because what they do is they send influencers, makeup influencers or other influencers, a bunch of free shit, and then those influencers talk about Tarte and how wonderful it is and I like to use it for this and how it works and here's how you can use it and all this other stuff.

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Brilliant marketing strategy to great effect. They have done this and now they're a very popular brand, according to my own research that started about 24 hours ago. Yeah. Because I had never heard of the brand before this. But here's the reason why I got on this. There's an influencer, semi-influencer, like she doesn't have a lot of followers, but I find her to be very interesting.

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And she talks about Hollywood type stuff. And she's talked a lot about the chicken fry situation, which is why I followed her originally. Okay.

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So she starts talking about how jealous she is and she wishes that she would get an invite to go on Tripping with Tart, which is apparently a biannual trip that they do where they rent like a private 747, take you to a private island, go down to private beaches and do private things and their gift bags and boxes and Prada and all this other stuff.

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I want to declare here on the commercial break that we are now a makeup influencer podcast. And all I'm going to do is allow my daughters to come in here and put Tarte makeup on me for the rest of the year in the hopes that I get an invite to Tripping with Tarte. Now, I'm sure it's a policy not to invite, you know, straight, white. 40-something-year-old men on Tripping with Tart.

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But I'm happy to stay in a different resort altogether, different island if you want me to. I'm happy to do that as long as I can get a trip. This looks fantastic. And the benefits that these young ladies are experiencing for doing some makeup reviews is amazing. It's amazing. What a time to be alive. Yeah, what a time to be alive.

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Here's... Like just to get in the fray a little bit. Here's how I feel about it.

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It's the makeup for tripping your balls off, tripping with talk.

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That's a whole other angle.

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Maybe that would make everybody happy. That's right. Maybe they could satisfy the other side of the internet by sending it over to, I don't know, Bonnaroo or something.

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Listen, you know. Marketing strategies are marketing strategies. If you have a product, you have to market it. You have to figure a way to get it in people's hands. And I understand that excesses can seem frivolous a lot of times. It feels very hurtful to those who don't have to watch everybody else get what they get. And that's, yeah.

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Yeah, that's right. They're very upset about the whole Tarte situation. They're throwing a fit. This is, and I don't know anything about this brand, so maybe, you know, I'm uninformed about this. But I think I do remember like a couple of years ago hearing about some influencers kind of talking shit about this because they felt like it got out of hand and now blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

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It's a brilliant marketing strategy that worked for probably a small brand that's now a big brand. You're not going to make, it's not?

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Yeah, I think now that I'm putting two and two together, I feel like there were a couple of girls that were complaining about this on the internet.

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Yeah, I agree. I don't disagree with you that it's fucking stupid. That I agree with, right, is that we're sending... people with 30,000 followers on elaborate, expensive vacations so that they can specifically stick their head directly up the ass of a very large brand, according to Christina, a very large brand of cosmetics. But on the flip side, marketing, there is no winners.

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It's like when we market our own podcast. People will say, you know, fuck you. You have to put your, you know, why are you putting ads on Instagram or putting ads out there? Because we have to. We sell a product. The product is our content. We have to get our content out there. We're never going to be pleasing to everybody. If I could get every listener organically, I would love to do that.

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But good luck finding, good luck getting a podcast discovered in 2025 amongst 75 million others. Same with anything else that you sell in the world. You have to be better, faster, stronger. we live in, right?

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Oh, yeah, that old TCB.

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Hey, listen, this is not a bad idea.

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Let's send the hillbilly horror stories, guys. Tripping with TCB. Sending you to the Great Wolf Lodge. But you're not getting no rawr package. You're going to be in a bunk bed.

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Depending on the level of implantation.

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Depending on the level of influencer, you might or might not get a discount on the ropes course. We will make that decision based on the kind of content you can create.

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I think our first, we have to invite Frankie B. We do. The hillbilly horror story people, whoever they are. And thank you very much for shouting on our podcast. Mountain monsters. Mountain monsters.

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On this episode of the Commercial Break.

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Yeah, but they're not good. They're too big for us. They're too big for us. Frankie B. might be too big for us. Let's be honest about that. But I get it. I mean, I understand how also having worked with a lot of marketing people in the past, there are some real sharp ones that there are some people who just fell into marketing.

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Like when they can't find anything else for you to do, they make you a marketing manager. And that means you have another three months of your job. Marketing management means you at least here for another three months. But, you know, I can see this working in a corporate setting where people are like, dripping with tart. What are we doing this year? Let's, you know, blow our balls even bigger.

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Let's rent out Disney World for seven days and send them all there. And if it works, if the metrics make sense, it's going to keep going because that's the way that it is. This is how consumerism, how our capitalist society works. You've got to get your word out there and you've got to do it. And listen... I don't know anything about Tartt. I don't know the first thing about it.

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There might be a lot of controversy. There might be levels of influencer. But if Chrissy and I, and Christina, I think you'd take the trip if they offered. If you could get us like a small, dinky, we don't even need a plane. Get us an Uber to the local Hojo and give us some free breakfast and we'll trip with Tartt all day long. I'll take a yellow taxi over to the Holiday Inn.

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Yeah, we get paid to endorse too.

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If you have a relationship.

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Well, you mean how do you measure it or how do you trust it?

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Well, listen, and I know not everybody's like this, but we generally, and we've been talking about this actually in the studio for the last couple of weeks. We generally, generally, I can't say this about 100% of the time, we've gotten some things wrong, but generally, if someone asks us for a personal endorsement, I will not do it unless I try it, I know it, and I like it.

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Hey, listen, this is not a bad idea.

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That should be the general premise upon all personal endorsements, but it's not. This brings up an interesting... And I'll talk about this in a second. But if everybody did that, like if people are connected with TCB and they like us and they think that we're funny and they like the brand that we have, and I don't even know what that means for TCB, the brand that we have. No brand is some brand.

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Let's send a hillbilly horror stories, guys. Tripping with TCB. Sending you to the Great Wolf Lodge. But you're not getting no rawr package. You're going to be in a bunk bed.

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Yeah. And then they hear us talking about, you know, why Brian 3000? Maybe they trust that that'll make their dicks hard and they go out and they try and use it. Same with Tart. Tart, there's also just like a level of branding, a consumer awareness about this. And next time you go to the store, you go to Ulta or wherever and you see.

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Yeah, you say, hey, I'll try it. That girl tried it. I like her content. Why not? Let's see. She looks pretty. I like that color. She did a great job. Let's do it. There's an interesting thing that's going on right now with influencers. Two things converging at the same time. Number one, the SEC is saying you must not lie to the consumer.

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We all grow it, we all shave it, and all of us style it differently. That's what makes us all unique and interesting and honestly, I think that's pretty fucking great. Dollar Shave Club is for everybody and every budget.

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If you do not know or use the product, you cannot say you know or use the product. And if you do... And we find out about it, you're in big trouble. And they are coming down on influencers. There's a famous case right now running around the federal court system of an influencer who was sending people to use something and he apparently had never tried it and it made a bunch of people sick.

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There's also the big honey scandal that's going on right now. I don't know if you know of honey.

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Yeah. Honey. The bra.

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No.

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No, no, no, no, no. Okay.

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That's what that's called.

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Honey love.

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No tits. No vaginas. No douches. No douches. Or bras. Yeah. This is a chrome extension for your brows.

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Coupons.

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Depending on the level of impact.

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This has been an interesting day here in the studios.

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Many influencers, especially across YouTube, have gotten paid gobs of money from Honey to create custom segments, to do custom shows, to do custom ad reads, and apparently Honey was very easy to deal with. Sponsors sometimes can be very difficult. I'm not going to name the brand, but there was one brand. I was 17 ad reads in, and they were nitpicking single words.

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Depending on the level of influencer, you might or might not get a discount on the ropes course.

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This is a major brand who would have brought a lot of money to the show, and I said, no, thank you.

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Because if the first one's a nightmare, the fifth one's going to be even worse. And I'm sorry I don't want your money. And let's be honest, I've talked a lot of shit about their brand on here. But anyway, that's besides the point. The thing is that Honey, to find an easy sponsor to deal with, is kind of like the gold of sponsorships.

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Because if they say, I trust you, go do your thing, run with it, which most of our sponsors do to their credit. They let me do my thing, they let us do our thing, and then we run with it. So Honey, this browser extension that has been around for a while, 300 million downloads or something like that, what they do is they go scan the internet for coupon codes.

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This one, Honey, was doing this. So many influencers got caught up getting paid gobs of money from... Honey, and now they have contractual obligations to keep those ads running. Well, guess what? Honey was making deals with the retailers to put in the least damaging coupon code to the retailer example. I go to Target.com. I pick out 10 things.

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The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.

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Honey goes out there and finds three coupon codes for 20% off. They had a backdoor deal with Target to insert a 5% off coupon, even though the 20% coupon was available out there. Sneaky, sneaky. Secondly, Honey was dropping in their own affiliate codes at the same time. So they were scrubbing the affiliate code of the influencer and they were dropping in their own code.

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That is fucked up. It's a total scam. Unplug Honey if you have it plugged in. Unplug it because it's not good. You're just going to do it the old-fashioned way and cut out coupons like my mom did. Like those people on... Coupon King or whatever it is on TLC like they do. You're going to just have to go do it the old-fashioned way. But Honey is like an all-out, bold-faced, balls-out scam.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is the Robbie Williams to my Graham Norton, Kristen Joy Holdley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. You probably know neither of those names that I just mentioned, Graham Norton or Robbie Williams. You know Graham Norton?

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People were getting scammed, and Honey was taking the money from the same influencers it was supposedly supporting. That's crazy. It's insane. Marketing is hard. Marketing is hard work. And it doesn't always work. And you got to keep going. And you can never stop spending. And you always have to try new things.

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Take it from people who, quite frankly, have spent a lot of money on marketing the show. It's part of the reason of the success. And then the other part is organic or word of mouth or whatever it is. But marketing is hard. So I understand when you hit on something that seems like it's working, you stick with it. And you might get a little silly with the fucking shit like Tarte is.

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But Honey took it, you know, they were just running a scam and just paying influencers to do this.

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I believe, if I'm not mistaken, PayPal bought Honey.

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A couple of years ago, yeah. So PayPal, again, treating everybody with kindness and respect. I mean, I swear on all that's holy, like... I want to be a billionaire, but not at the expense of everybody else. It's just like, I just don't want to do that. And it seems like the more you look... And maybe I'm just opening my eyes to this now because I've been blinded also by the American dream.

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The more you look, the more you understand... Not many people have done that. I mean, not many people, not many billionaires have done that. They all are just kind of stepping on the heads of everybody else around them in order to absorb that wealth. I ain't mad at the wealth. I'd love it. I don't believe in the redistribution of wealth at all.

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But I think that, you know, and we had that comment from our friend Sean at the expense. Yeah. Yeah. At the expense of other people, and I'm not going to get into a whole other rant, but wow. And then, I won't even get into it.

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Before Brian just feels way too tempted to get on his high horse, let's take a break and I'll knock, I'll put on my smoke machine and I'll knock myself down a couple pegs. We'll be back.

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The very famous, he's like our Dave Letterman over there in the UK. That's right. And Robbie Williams, of course, the famous, not so famous pop star, signed one of the biggest recording contracts in history.

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All right. Welcome back. I'm down. Down off my high horse now. So I'm going to just move on from profiteering billionaires, from tarting and tripping and tarting and honey douching and all that other stuff. The big douche is the reason why we're all in this together. Big bras and big douche. That's why we're all in this together. Yeah. Brian. Brian.

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Now I've totally forgot what I wanted to talk about. What was it I wanted to talk about?

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I can't tell you any latest on the chicken fry because chicken fry is, you know, it's kind of the whole drama has settled down, I think. What's-her-name did a good job of tampering it down a little bit, fanning the flames. That's what I wanted to talk about was the wildfires in L.A. Let's take just one minute out of our day. Yeah, to recognize that. There's a reason. Let me explain, too.

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It seems like no one in America has ever heard of him because that movie that he did, Better Man, just failed miserably at the box offices, raking in $580,000 this last weekend, which is not a killer start.

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Usually on Fridays we would do some kind of video breakdown and review. I feel like after last week's ball fest, maybe we should give it a break. We had a number of people write in about this, by the way, the ball fest.

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No, I think everybody took it in good fun, but some people thought it was a little much. Hearing the descriptions were a little much.

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They did not have to see it in full glory. And directly after that, we had our TV went out here in the studio that plays those videos. I think even the TV had too much.

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I can die now in peace. It's short-circuited because of the snowstorm here in Atlanta, which came and went and did not cause a whole bunch of drama. Some people had no power for 24. One of our friends here near where I live was out. They were out without power for like 20 hours. Really? It came back on for three hours. It went out for another 12 hours, which was just terrible.

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And they have small children. And so I asked Astrid, I said, well, why don't they just go? They have like friends that live close. Yeah. Because it didn't end up being some big ice event that all, you know, crowded us all in and we couldn't go anywhere. It ended up being a relatively beautiful event where the kids got to play in the snow. It was really pretty. Everybody in town had fun.

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People skiing around the streets and sledding down the...

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Yeah, yeah, they're crazy. And I got to give it to the local news. They had coverage live, you know, most of the day on Friday. I do have to give it to the news. I think they did a good job of not making it overly dramatic. They had people out at Piedmont Park. Piedmont Park is the big, like, our central park here. And there's a couple of big hills in Piedmont Park.

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And there were hundreds of people out there.

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Inner tubes and baking sheets and all kind of, because we don't sell sleds here in Atlanta. There were people snowboarding and skiing. They were having a good time out there, and the news was having a good time with them, not making it overly dramatic. Of course, there were people who got socked in and didn't have power and had to suffer through the cold a little bit.

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It dumped probably three inches in a short period of time.

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I mean, I don't know. It could have been four or five. I didn't really know, but it covered the grass. It was enough for us to go out. Everything was white. Everything was covered. And it was enough for us to go out there and play for a little while. Then it turned to sleet, then ice, then rain, and then back to ice. But luckily, luckily, we didn't have our power go out.

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And it didn't seem like there was much damage in the city. Anyway, just a nice snow event. But it was hard to for me to like I wanted to post stuff about it. It was hard for me to do that, knowing that some of our friends and family and people that work with the show, because L.A. is the entertainment capital of the world.

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I'm all confused about why we need the monkey. But, like, apparently the monkey was supposed to be the thing. Yeah, but it was supposed to be the thing that drew people in if they didn't know Robbie Williams. It's like, oh, there's a monkey. Let's go see the monkey. But I have no interest in seeing movies of monkeys. I didn't like Smokey and the Bandit. Or what was that movie?

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And despite us being far from entertaining, we actually have people that work in the entertainment capital of the world. Our booking agency, our talent agent, our attorney, they all live out there. And they spent the weekend running scared, some of them, this last weekend, running scared. What a terrible fucking situation out there. Apocalyptic, nightmarish. We've already talked about this.

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So sad.

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so sad and here's what i want to say like i think we'll have plenty of time to run blame around and say we could have done this and we could have done that uh you know i really hope that the one thing that happened in hawaii that they tried to stop from happening but i don't know that it happened 100 i don't think it stopped 100 doesn't happen in la and that is that these people who lost their homes maybe some of all their net worth just tied up in these big homes yeah you might be rich on paper but if your home goes up in flames and the insurance company won't pay you out

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You may be broke as I am. And I hope that the hedge funds and these money men don't come in and make this a total grab ass fest. Land grab. Because that's what happens when these events happen, when these terrible, you know, it's a well-known phenomenon.

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when a natural disaster happens like down in west palm or miami or anywhere in florida these hurricanes come through or in new orleans or in california when earthquake earthquakes come through these fires come through that the money men come in and they land grab it's what they do you you know it's like why did the snake bite me because that's what snakes do the the money man and the land man they'll come in and they'll do that

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I just really hope that these people in California, they see some justice, they don't get their insurance policies pulled, and that they find some refuge in this nightmarish situation. I don't know that we, maybe besides the earthquake of San Francisco, that we in our lifetimes have seen a disaster like this, not even the hurricanes. The hurricanes, at least you see them coming.

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You know what I'm saying? At least you can say, holy shit, that's coming. I better get out of the way, whether you choose to or not. That's a different story altogether. But this is just like how fast these fires are engulfing entire neighborhoods.

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Yeah, because it's a mainly liberal.

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No, it's not.

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Yeah. If you had a fire insurance policy, you should be paid out. And I understand the insurance company's job is to make money, but you can't pull the insurance retroactively. That should be at least illegal under any circumstances. And I hope that California, the regulation board, holds their feet to the fire. They need to pay out.

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The one that Burt Reynolds did with the monkey? Do you remember that?

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That will also mean, I guarantee you, a bailout from the government because the insurance companies will go under because insurance companies don't plan on 100,000 structures going up at one time. That means the insurance companies will tilt and they will go under. The government will have to come bail them out. I hope they do the right thing. And bail the insurance companies out.

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So the insurance companies continue to do what they do, and that's help people in desperate times. And if you're out in L.A. and for some incredibly strange reason are listening to the commercial break, we're going to put links up to 211 and Airbnb.org, two organizations that are helping people find long-term services.

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And in some cases, completely free. In some cases. I say that you have to fill out some paperwork. Of course you do. That's just the terrible part about this situation is indignity after indignity. But that's the way it's going to work. But I looked into this and yes, Airbnb will provide you free housing if you qualify for that free service.

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Jim Jim and the Bing Bang Boys? There was a time in the 80s when everybody had a chimpanzee in their movie.

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Whether you like to go smooth like a baby's bottom or you're maintaining a fantastic manscaped beard like I do, Dollar Shave Club offers grooming products that are always high quality and always the right price. So let me introduce you to some of their top sellers. I think they're going to make your grooming routine feel like a spa day.

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And then to all of our friends and family out there, if there's anything that we can do, please just let us know. We love you very much. And I'm sure even though this is coming out a couple of days after we record it, I'm sure this will be ongoing because here come the Santa Anta winds. And as I talked about when we were off air, those Santa Anta winds are no joke.

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100 miles per hour is not unusual. And that's insane. Those are hurricane force winds. Yeah. Very strong. Fanning a fire the size of Brooklyn.

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Yeah, but I think it's also, it can be very arid and dry out there. Yeah.

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Yeah, it's all just terrible. And idiots who are setting fires.

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And idiots who are setting fires. I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but there are videos going around of people getting arrested for starting fires. It's like, what are you? I mean, I don't know. Who knows in the year of 2025? The commercial break's about to reach 800 episodes, and people are setting fires. And Great Wolf Lodge is a thing where people go and pay good money. And Tarte.

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Tripping with Tarte is still happening. And, honey, the douche and the browser extension are both bad for your health. So just remember.

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Yeah, it was like we all went chim crazy until they started ripping people's faces off.

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No, I don't. Yeah, not the bra. And I don't know that the douche. Please, don't write me.

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Yeah, it can't be.

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Hey, all right. Christina does personal endorsements for Honey to not do. Anti-douching.

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She's an OB-GYN. She's an OB-GYN. I like that. I'm going to start using that word. Hey, babe, did you go to your OB-GYN?

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Yeah, Tatanka.

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OBGYN.

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Oh, is that how they refer to themselves as OBGYNs? That's what my sister says. Oh, really?

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Yeah, I say OBGYN, but then I'm a man who doesn't want to get that part wrong. Do you know what I'm saying?

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No. I mean, I will say this.

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When Astrid's been pregnant. Yeah. I have been to every available appointment except during COVID when there was about three months where they just had a policy really couldn't go.

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Yeah. And that was absolutely miserable. I went to every appointment to the point where the nurses were like, I think you've set a husband record for being at every appointment. Yeah. I couldn't tell if they thought that was creepy or if they were giving me a pat on the back. You know what I'm saying? You got an OB-GYN kink. I got an OB-GYN kink. I want to be there.

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Well, I also got along with the OB guys. I got along with the obstetrician, the optometrist. I also got along with her eye doctor, the optometrist.

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In the Peachtree Dist with the optometrist going to Tarte.

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Santa-anta wins. I bet we could make a whole episode out of Brian just misspeaking.

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For sure. All right. That's it. Donate to those poor people out in California. Have yourself a great weekend. Remember that Gustavo, I, and Chrissy are going to be here tomorrow for a very special episode of The Commercial Break celebrating Venezuela versus the United States down in Miami. Game starts at 3 p.m. tomorrow. Oh, wait. Is this a Thursday episode?

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According to my notes, but you might have changed it. I don't know. Anyway, if it's Thursday, it's Thursday. If it's Friday, it's Friday. Have a good week. Either we'll be here tomorrow or we'll be here tomorrow. One of those two things will happen. But Saturday, United States versus Venezuela playing at 3 p.m. on Max and TNT and other places. You can check it out. That's going to be a good game.

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I'm looking forward to it. And in celebration of Venezuela versus United States, it'll be Gustavo versus Brian here in the studio. So tune in on a special Saturday episode of The Commercial Break, which we'll be doing from time to time in 2025. Because we record enough, we figure we might as well let people listen to them. There you go. Also, 211 if you're out in the L.A. area, airbnb.org.

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But actually, Tatanka is from Dancing with Wolves, so I have my movies mixed up. But that's not unusual for me, so there you go. Tatanka, it was the name of the buffalo in Dancing with Wolves.

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We'll put links in the show notes. If you need, you or anybody you know need help finding shelter or long-term assistance, those are so far two reputable places I have seen. So we'll put those links in the show notes. Make sure you check out Roy Wood Jr. 's. Brand new special available now. So you can check that out.

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That's right. That's available on Disney's Hulu. And what else? Yeah, go to RoyWoodJR.com to find out more information, all his shows and all that other stuff. It's all available on his website. Thank you so much for him coming in. TCBpodcast.com, that's our website. Go there for more information about the show. All the audio, all the video available right there at one location.

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You can also get your free TCB swag. Hit the drop-down menu on the Contact Us button. It says, I want my free swag. You'll get it. Just give us your address. 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, contents, ideas. We take them all in text message or voicemail. Either or, we'll get back to you. We promise we will.

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Add The Commercial Break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak.com. For all of our episodes, full length, now available right there on the channel. Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today. I think so. I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe.

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Okay. Well, I like to call him Tatanka because that makes me feel better. Okay. He was born in a peach tree dish. Oh. Petri dish. Here's the reason why I even got started on this. I was reading Rotten Tomatoes, best movies of 2024, as we head into the Oscar season here. And, yeah. Don't know that I've seen any of these. These are the ones that Rotten Tomatoes picked out.

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Onora, which is apparently one of the best movies ever made, according to some people.

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This is... This is the movie where the girl meets the Russian like oligarchs kid and they have like one wild night and they get married. And apparently it's like one of the funniest movies in the world until the last 30 minutes when it's one of the most heartbreaking movies in the world.

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Don't know. I don't know much more besides that. I do want to see it. I would see it. Chasing Amy. Have you seen Chasing Amy?

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This is the movie.

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Okay. Hundreds of beavers. What is hundreds of beavers?

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A joyous movie theater experience. A live-action cartoon reminiscent of Looney Tunes and silent movie slapstick comedies about a drunken Applejack salesman at war with some beavers. Oh, I did see the trailer for this. Yes, I do want to see this. I do want to see this movie. Check out the trailer. I think you'll probably want to see it, too.

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Sells Apple Jacks. You know, the cereal that everyone liked back in the 90s. Yeah. I loved Apple Jacks. So good. There's now in the TV section, Mr. and Mrs. Smith season one.

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I don't know why everybody's, I watched the first episode and I don't know why everybody's going so crazy over this television show.

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And anybody who listens to the commercial break knows how much I like a spa day. The Club Series 6 Blade Razor. This isn't just any razor. It's a mini vacation for your face. It's got six stainless steel blades and a vitamin E infused lubricant strip. This razor delivers the closest, most comfortable shave. Honestly, I feel just a little too pampered after I use this.

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It's like Jack Ryan.

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which I desperately want to be such a fantastic television show. And moments there are, and I can finally believe that guy does something else besides The Office.

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Yeah, but it doesn't all come together in a way that I think is pleasing. And I thought Mrs. and Mr. Smith was that way.

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Nosferatu, of course, is another one.

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Speaking of people dating high school girls, isn't Nosferatu about an old vampire that comes and makes some young girl orgasmic or something like that? Like the actual story? I think it is.

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Probably. Superman, the Christopher Reeve story was pointed out.

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This is a movie you must watch. And if you ugly cry, don't do it around ones you love. Because this is a movie that will make you ugly cry. I watched this a couple weeks ago when we were on the break. It's giving me chills just to think about it. Christopher Reeve.

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Was by all accounts, not only a very intelligent man, but a very wrapped up in himself man who was worried about all outside appearances and a ladies man and a coxswain and a guy who maybe didn't treat his first wife very well. And they had a child. Right. And he just kind of was trying to—he was sorting his wild oats as a guy who was becoming very famous doing Superman. Playing Superman.

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And also struggling with the fact that he was Superman. And that he didn't feel like a Superman because he didn't feel like he was being a very good person. But everyone was looking at him like he was Superman. Not to say he was a bad guy. He was just an actor. He was an actor of great— Like, physical appearances.

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And he, by accounts of people who loved him and his own words, didn't really know what to make of it all. And was really having a hard time with that.

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Yeah, they had them back in like the 50s.

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There was a movie and a television show, I think. And that television show was very popular. And it was played by kind of a portly man. I mean, I guess he would have been considered like a strongman back then. That typical kind of strongman look of back in the 40s and 50s, you know, has a little extra weight on him and big and burly. But Christopher Reeves was chiseled out of a stone.

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I mean, the guy was like, he was a beautiful man, right? There's no other way to put it. And when they approached him to play Superman... The director of Superman was trying to make a serious comic book movie, and everyone laughed at the idea. They all thought this was going to be absolutely ridiculous. Many people advised Christopher not to do this movie. He would be laughed out of Hollywood.

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And man, could they not have been more mistaken about that. It was huge success. Superman, the original movie, to this day, to me, is a great movie. So is Superman 2. Superman 3 and 4 get kind of silly, but... Have you seen Superman, the original Superman movie? I don't think so. Maybe.

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And the precision trimmer is perfect for getting those little detailed areas like right under the nose or around your jawline. Because when you're going to keep it high and tight... You need to get it precise. But don't take my word for it. Try it for yourself. Dollar Shave Club products are now available anywhere.

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It was the 80s, yeah. But you should watch it. I mean, I know you might not be into it, but it's a good story and it's interesting.

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Don't expect CGI miracles out of this movie. But they did a pretty good job. They did, yeah. Given the circumstances.

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Oh.

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Yeah. And Margot... Somebody? Was it Margot Robbie? Margot Robbie?

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Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh...

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Margot Kidder.

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So anyway, so Christopher Reeves goes on to do for Superman. He really has a hard time breaking away from Superman and he never does. He imbibes in his life of women and wine and partying and being very famous. And he also loves horses and always has loved horses. And he falls off a horse and has a one in a million accident falling off a horse and is paralyzed.

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I think the irony is the story. The irony is the great story of Christopher Reeves. He had his new wife. They had young children. And apparently they were having a hard time keeping him alive at first. He had a lot of problems. And the doctors... said, you know, we can... This can go either way.

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And there was... I don't know if it was presented as a choice, but there was some indication that, you know, if you didn't fight... then you could give up and that would be that. You could pull the plug, essentially. And his wife came in and said, you know, I didn't fall in love with you for your body. I fell in love with you for who you are. And in that moment, he made a choice to stay alive.

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And that starts the great journey of Christopher Reeve, changing not only his life and many around him, but then many people, he becomes a Superman to many people who desperately needed a Superman. And that's the beauty of his story is that he fought, valiantly to make sure life was better for people he otherwise would have looked over and looked down on in his previous life.

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So you can order them from the website, Amazon, or get them at your favorite retailer near you. That's what I do. Alternatively, you can visit the site right now for 20% off, $20 or more, and get your products delivered right to your door. Visit dollarshaveclub.com slash TCB and use the code TCB for 20% off, $20 or more. And remember, whatever you shave, welcome to the club.

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And only Superman could have done that. Only Superman could have done. Only Superman could have imparted that kind of power and wisdom and What a story.

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It's on HBO Max. Yeah. And so you must watch it. I mean, again, don't... This is an ugly cry. An ugly cry is coming at least twice in the movie. And at the end of the movie, it's just a gut punch. All of his kids are in it. Both of his wives are in it. Apparently... His ex-wife became a great friend of the family, and they all parented together.

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And his current wife, or the wife that he had when he died, also became a great advocate in a lot of ways for the disabled community and still continues that work. And his kids are in varying degrees of still grieving, and that's evident on the screen. But the way that this movie is put together is like a Superman movie.

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And the imagery of Superman and some of the imagery from those movies is used to great effect and great sadness at moments and great power at other moments. So I know we shouldn't get this serious on the show, but I really wanted to talk about it. And now that we're reviewing these movies, I thought I would share that I was really, really excited.

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Impacted by this movie. It was one of these things where I was like sitting here doing editing or whatever I was doing. And then I put it on in the background. In about 20 minutes in, I turned around and I didn't stop. I couldn't look away. And then Astrid walked in on me crying. And I said, I have something in my eye.

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Fire of Love is another one that got me.

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It was so, I have never seen imagery in a movie like this before in my entire life. Fire of Love. Yes.

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We were just talking about this on another episode.

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At a time when... that volcanology was not even a thing. These two kind of became rock stars of the volcanologists, probably some of the most famous volcanologists that ever lived by some other volcanologist account, the most famous that lived. They became personalities inside of that world and brought volcanoes to the masses in a lot of ways that people hadn't seen.

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And the reason, the way that they did that and the reasons why they did that are unveiled in this documentary that is using their own footage that is

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absolutely insane how these people were literally standing in the middle of volcanoes not so close they're there they're in it they're in wrapped in fire and lava and they're stepping in it and swimming in it and i don't even know how to explain it you have to watch this movie

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I just told all the young people that work up at Starbucks, we were all talking about some getting excited about Severance season two. They were somebody mentioned a documentary. I said, you have to watch Fire of Love and how it's on Hulu. You know, I think we all have that one thing, or I hope we all find that one thing. Podcasting may be it for me, or the microphone may be it for me.

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At least according to books and movies and Ryan Murphy's series, right? And who knows if that's actually true. As someone... who is close to someone who suffered that kind of abuse as a child, the psyche knows no chance after that kind of abuse. Your psyche does not stand one fucking iota of a chance. You are Dunsey. That's it. It doesn't matter if you get therapy for the rest of your life.

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You are inexorably tied to that kind of abuse and pain. And you can live a normal life, maybe, you know, I don't know, but it will always be there. It will be omnipresent. It's like, you know, it's like anything in life, anything super traumatic that happens when your brain is developing or even after your brain is developing. You know, guys who go to war as full grown adults. Right.

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And they come back and they're changed in a way that they cannot that can never be undone. Or Katy Perry when she goes to space and she's changed in a way that cannot be undone. God, she's like her career has been changed in a way that cannot be undone.

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Anyway, I thought it was interesting enough to talk about because, you know, after the I was alive, young, but alive when the Menendez brothers trial happened. The first one was was on air. And I remember that my mom was kind of obsessed a little bit.

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Yes. It was a whole thing. It was mania. It was mania. It was like right after devil worshiping mania came the Menendez brothers mania. Yeah. And then hair metal mania and then grunge mania. Everyone is going to be Kurt Cobain and off themselves. You know, it was like there's a lot of mania with parents. And now as a parent, I can understand. I have like La Boo Boo mania. You know what I'm saying?

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5.30!

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And listen, I... My personal belief is 30 years is a long time to spend in prison. It's a long time to think about what you've done. And if the parole board and their infinite wisdom, and I'm sure they're really good at this, finds that there is some genuine remorse and growth and learning from this, then I think you've paid your debt to society.

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There are lots of people who murder people who get out of jail. Lots and lots and lots, lots of people who get out of jail after murdering people, shooting someone, whatever it is. And so I think if you find that these extenuating circumstances warrant...

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If you find that there is credible evidence to warrant the defense that they, in fact, were abused to the point of mania, driven to the point of murder, and you feel that they have paid their debt to society, then they should have a chance to live a life on the outside. And here's the thing.

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Well, no, they'll get parole now because you only served that 30 years. So the way that the California state or the penitentiary system works is that they are now eligible for parole with that 50 to life.

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They haven't served 50, but they'll get paroled for the last 20. Oh, okay. And then if they reoffend, they would go back for the 20, right? That's how the parole system works. It's complicated, but I read about it. And because the prison systems have this weird system where you get this, but you can serve that. That's why...

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Eligible for parole. And that doesn't mean you're going to get it. It just means you go in front of the parole board. A lot of people, I think, don't get it the first time. It's like the fourth time or fifth time. And I think you can only go up for parole maybe like once every three years or something like that. So it's a really long wait. If you don't get it, it's a really long wait.

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But listen, they get out. And here's the thing. They're now in their 50s, maybe 60s. I don't know, 50s or 60s, or they're going to be in their 50s or 60s. Here's the thing. Those boys get out of jail, they're not going to want for a fucking thing. They're going to go right back into the lap of luxury because they're going to have every book, TV, and movie offer available to them forever and ever.

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Amen. Those guys are going to be doing the podcast like the commercial break for the rest of their lives and getting paid for it.

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Yeah, they're going to do a TED Talk. I just see it all going down right now. It's like that, who's the other girl who killed her mom and now she's out?

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Munchausen by proxy. Munchausen by proxy. I know it's a very serious thing. But it is the weirdest name to give a syndrome that's so serious. Do you know what I'm saying? Munchausen by proxy. Yeah. Oh, God. Oh, we're going to hell.

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We're going to hell. Chrissy and I are going to hell. But we already know that. So that's okay. Speaking of hell, watching a very interesting preacher on Instagram. Who's running around talking to Christians about how the concept of hell, the fact that they were taught when they were taught about Jesus and the hell concept came along with it.

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They were like kind of doomed to a life of fear, regret. Sin, constant apology, like essentially just like tearing at their own psyches.

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Right. As very young age. And he's on a mission to free Christianity from this kind of original sin where you're going to hell if you don't repent kind of thing that, you know, Christ loves everybody and Christ taught us to love everybody. And you can, doesn't matter if... You walk in and do a booth and kneel and do 50 Hail Marys. Everything's going to be cool. And I liked that. Me too.

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I liked that. I still don't believe in the dogma of religion, but I did like that vibe. I was like, hey, that's pretty cool. I like that guy. Meanwhile, he was in a backyard with like five people in picnic chairs. He was not preaching. He was not preaching to a huge crowd, but it's okay. I think it had like 12 views, but hey. It's okay. He had less views in the commercial break.

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And when you do that, you're really on the right direction. You're really headed somewhere. In other words, I don't think the idea has taken off quite yet.

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If it reaches one or two. But then, meanwhile, then I flip two screens later, and there's, like, this girl who was in an evangelical church, like, all her life, and she's on a mission to just tear it down. She's like, this is bullshit. It's a cult. Da-da-da-da-da-da, yada-yada-yada. And I was like, oh, okay. Now she was firing brimstone in the opposite direction.

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Like, really going at it. And then, well, I mean, I don't want to talk about all my Instagram. And then... 530! I think I'm going to be that guy. I think that was my future self sitting in that sitting in that activity.

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OK, please, please, please do. I would like to see. All right. Let's take a break. I have lots to get to. It's only midweek and there's so much to do. It's going to spill over into next week. I've got Ask TCB Sex Edition. I've saved all the sex questions.

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Yeah. So I've got five or six of those. And then I'd like to take a look back if we have time, if we don't roll into tomorrow. Sue Johansson, one of the original television sex educators. A lot of people think of Dr. Ruth as the original. But the Canadian Sue Johansson was an infomercial sex educator back in the 90s. And I remember her. And I got some video. I think you're going to like this.

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I'm going to throw it back. You're going to know exactly what I'm talking about the second that you see here. All right. Let's take a break. We'll be back.

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This episode is sponsored in part by Liquid IV. I love a beach trip and I'm going on one. Can you hear in my voice just how excited I am to get out of this studio? That family beach trip is right around the corner and there will be no rest for the weary there either. We will be running around fun in the sun and I will be bringing along some Liquid IV to help get the most out of these old bones on

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We'll see you next time. Or if I want to keep my beach body slim and trim, I'll use a sugar-free flavor like raspberry lemonade, white peach, or rainbow sherbet. It's got an optimized ratio of electrolytes, essential vitamins, and clinically tested nutrients that turn ordinary water into extraordinary hydration. Get ready for the summer with Extraordinary Hydration from Liquid IV.

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Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to liquidiv.com and use the code commercial at checkout. That's 20% off your first order with code commercial at liquidiv.com. Get that bathing suit out, pack a bag, throw in some Liquid IV and take on the summer with Extraordinary Hydration. liquidiv.com and use the code commercial.

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Thanks to Liquid IV for being a sponsor of the commercial break.

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All right. It's been a long time coming to start this segment. It's been a long time coming since we've done an Ask TCB. And I want to thank all the faithful listeners who have written in over the years. Years, I was about to say. These might be a couple years old. Sorry. So sorry. But I just want you to know. Best to you. Best to you. Best to you.

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It is a great one. We got to go out and record in downtown, if you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, we'll talk about that later. All right. Okay. So. We'd like to do some Ask TCB sex style, sexual style. Here it goes. Turn off the, turn off the, if you're listening to this in the car with your kids, I've said this many times before and I'll say it again.

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You're an idiot, but definitely turn off this one. That's for sure. All right. So I'm taking the names out of this because while some, I know some of the people's names, I didn't get specific permission to ask them. So, and I shortened some of these up just to, just so we could pop it along. Chrissy, ready? I'm ready. Okay. Okay, this one is from Sacramento, California, Chrissy.

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It says, my boyfriend insists on wearing Crocs every time we have sex. What? He's only got one pair of their bright yellow. He says it gives him traction, and that traction gives him confidence. I say it gives me the ick and a foot-shaped bruise on my thigh. Should I set him on fire or just learn to love the squeak? Well, that's strange. I mean, it is.

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My kids love to wear Crocs, but I think adults who wear Crocs have problems. That's my opinion. Yeah.

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Crocs.

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And I just won't go down. My wife keeps trying to convince every summer, nine summers running, my wife has tried to convince me to get a pair of Crocs, saying they're wonderful, they feel good. I've even tried them on in stores in Spain.

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I just can't bring myself. I cannot bring myself.

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Listen, I'm a sandals kind of guy. Yeah. And I've learned even to temper that just a little bit. So if I'm going to a place where I know it's not going to be extremely clean, like when I go to Europe, I don't wear, usually, I don't wear sandals. First of all, because people think, people know.

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You're like a fucking lighthouse in a storm if you wear sandals in Europe. You mean flip-flops? Flip-flops. You are a dumb American. That's right. You are a dumb American. You look like a dumb American. Why are you wearing flip-flops? Now, last couple summers I've noticed that more Europeans are wearing flip-flops than I've ever seen before.

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They're gorgeous. Yeah. Beautiful leather ones. That's right. $3,000 flip-flops.

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Yeah. But still, when you're walking the streets of Paris, the last thing you want is open-toed shoes. It's just one of those things. You don't. There's just different sanitary conditions in different places. It's not a dirty place. Paris isn't by any stretch of the imagination.

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But when you bring those Crocs into bed, when you're bringing the Crocs into bed, you've taken Disney adults into a whole new realm. And I would tell you, immediately get a divorce. Seek a divorce attorney. There's no reason, Sacramento, to be living in this kind of shame and filth. Not to mention, I don't want people wearing shoes in bed. Right. I just don't.

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No. You can't go into the bed. You cannot go into the bed with shoes on.

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Do you remember that first season, second season of Love is Blind? And there was a dude. And the second they got to the honeymoon jam suite or whatever it was down in Mexico. The guy jumps on the bed, shoes and all.

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And I thought, this is it. You're done. This guy is no good. He's trash. This marriage isn't going to work out. And I was right about that. People who think it's okay to wear shoes in bed have mental issues.

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Mental issues.

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Yeah. I mean, ask my children. I don't freak out a lot on my kids, but I will freak out if they're wearing shoes on the bed. I will freak out. Yeah. It's gross. You just went standing in your pee-pee poo-poo, and now you're bringing your pee-pee poo-poo into my bed? I already have your pee-pee poo-poo in the bed. Tell this guy to get out of your life. Is he your husband, did he say? Boyfriend.

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Okay, that's easy. You don't have to get lawyers involved. Get out. Get out now.

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It's a big yellow. Yeah, and then yellow. What are we doing? He's got a fetish. There's a fetish. A yellow croc fetish or something. I don't know what it is. But all right. Our friend in Tulsa asks, my wife and I tried to spice things up with a little edible body paint. But we forgot that our dog also sleeps in the bed. Things got sticky and a threesome started.

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Now, how do I get the raspberry glaze out of my golden retriever's fur? As the second my wife and I took it to the shower, we found our dog in the bed licking up all the fluids. This is a problem with animals.

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It's the problem with having animals in sex. They stare at you. They growl at you. They make weird noises at you. I've had a cat attack my penis before. It happened. A cat attacked my penis. Now, luckily, I had a sheet on, but it attacked my hard penis. It did. It was scary. And I'm allergic to cats.

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So it was double scary for me. I thought, I'm going to die with an erection. And I barely know this girl's name. Listen, this is the problem with animals. They get awful curious when you're procreating.

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Blue was doing it for two nights a couple weeks ago. Exactly.

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They'll eat anything. I think they'll be okay. Yeah, I think the dog's going to survive. Like, give it a bath. It's going to be okay. But I just have the general rule of thumb, and that is if you know you're going to screw, if you know you're going to do it. Close the door. Close the door. Get the animals out of the room because they are curious. They do not know. They do not understand.

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They oftentimes think you're hurting the other owner. I dated this girl, and she had like a bully, like a bully mix. And the dog was friendly to a point, right? It was like not the most friendly dog. I usually have a pretty good vibe with dogs, except for Blue. I usually have like a pretty good vibe with dogs. You know, generally, they like me, I like them.

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Yeah, you know, most dogs can sense a good person from a bad person.

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Animals and kids, that's right. Mm-hmm. And so I'm dating this girl, not for a long time, but I know the dog. I've seen two or three times seen him. And then the first, like, spend the night at her house. We're drunk. We roll in the door. You know, we're on the couch. We're up against a wall. We're whatever. And that dog, at some point during the act, decided that I was hurting her.

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And he was baring his teeth. And almost ready to bite. I mean, like, and it scared the shit out of me to the point where all action stopped immediately. I lost it immediately. I was like, oh, no, no, no. You got to get that dog out. Of course. Yeah. And we broke up.

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Yeah, because it sounded like I was making an excuse as to why I was losing my erection. But, you know, I think she thought, well, guy can't keep it up. You know what I'm saying? But I just thought, I don't want to get my dick bit off.

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Yeah. I don't want to get my dick bit off. Listen, I think I told this story during the pandemic. Right when we started the show, there was a bartender that I had known down in Atlanta. And somehow we became Facebook friends at some point along the line, but not a girl that I was like regularly communicating with. And one, you know, she was posting all this stuff.

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And then one day I noticed that she had posted an image of her in a mirror and And she had a big bandage over the side of her head, but she didn't say anything. And she said how, like, you know, it was like one of those things. This is how my day is going or this is how my week went or whatever.

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Tell me what the fuck is going on. Are you okay? Yeah, I-K-Y-N-D-Y-N-D-Y. And the girl who uses this phrase the most on my Instagram, who I actually have gotten away from even looking at because I just don't care anymore.

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But the other week, there was a post and it was like, I-K-Y-N-D-Y-K-N-Y-D-Y-C-Y-D. First of all, this girl always posts selfies of her in bathrooms and bathrooms where other people are behind her. Other women are behind her. What in the fuck is that? Why are you taking selfies of yourself in bathrooms? Why? Why do that? And it's not like the people are posing. They're taking a shit.

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I'd rather you looking at my eyes than my body, if I'm being honest about it. I'd rather you look at my eyes than my body because, you know, everybody has some part of their body that they don't like, and mine is from the chin down. Now... I agree with eye contact, but I think you should use it sparingly. Not like totally sparingly, but use it in moments to show connection and compassion.

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A Tantra Master!

2306.787

They're coming to or from taking a shit. It's not cool. It doesn't it doesn't make any sense. No one wants to be in your bathroom selfie. But it's always like she's always posing, you know.

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A Tantra Master!

2319.237

Restaurants, airports, random clubs, bars. I mean, anywhere. Her own bath. It doesn't matter. Every bath anyway. She posts this thing and it says I-K-Y-D-N-K-Y and it's a picture of her at the airport. And I'm like... It's an airport? Is that what we're guessing? And then the next photo, it's a picture of the plane, you know, out a window, a plane in the sky and clouds.

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A Tantra Master!

2345.971

And I'm like, you're on a plane. Let me guess. And then the next one, another airport. If you know, you know. It really bothers you. You're so awesome. Congratulations. Yeah, listen, take the dog, put it outside. First of all, give it a bath. The raspberry shit will come out. I mean, this is pretty easy math right here, right? If the dog gets dirty, you give it a bath or you send it somewhere.

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A Tantra Master!

2374.321

Yeah, I think raspberries are okay.

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A Tantra Master!

2378.484

Chocolate is – milk chocolate specifically is bad for dogs, as are blueberries. Things with skins on them, I hear, are not great. But I don't know why. Is it blueberries or is it raspberries? I can't remember. Anyway, it's one of those things. Check with your local authorities. Kenny says, Kenny gave me permission to use his name.

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A Tantra Master!

2399.133

Kenny says, my girlfriend says I make too much eye contact during sex. Like I'm being too intense. I thought I was showing passion, but she says I look like a serial killer trying to read her mind. I'm considering sunglasses. I can't help it. It's just what I want to do.

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A Tantra Master!

2418.789

Yeah, sunglasses. Cool. That will make you look like less of a serial killer. Trust me. Anybody who wears sunglasses indoors, especially at night, I just get suspicious of instantaneously.

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A Tantra Master!

2432.7

I know you do.

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A Tantra Master!

2438.384

I know.

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A Tantra Master!

2456.317

I'd rather you looking at my eyes than my body, if I'm being honest about it. I'd rather you look at my eyes than my body because, you know, everybody has some part of their body that they don't like. And mine is from the chin down. Now— I agree with eye contact, but I think you should use it sparingly. Not totally sparingly, but use it in moments to show connection and compassion.

The Commercial Break

A Tantra Master!

2480.742

It's like a communication, right?

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A Tantra Master!

2495.942

I have been to quite a few retreats. Prostate massage and all.

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A Tantra Master!

2501.449

Yes. I will tell you. And I've said this to other people. One of the most intense exercises that you can do with anybody, any human being, but one that you have some kind of history with, someone in a relationship or a friend, a family member, especially one that you love, that is not your blood relative. is to communicate with the eyes, literally a staring contest.

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2527.289

But you have to do it for a period of time, five minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes. A lot of the retreats that I have been to start off this way with a perfect stranger or maybe someone I haven't known that well. And I can promise you, I know this sounds hokey pokey, and it might be, but it's true. Not a dry eye in the house.

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A Tantra Master!

253.093

It's like a communication, right? Now, as a guy who is like basically a tantra master.

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A Tantra Master!

2546.421

Stare at someone in their eyes for 15 or 20 minutes, and you will start to see yourself in their eyes. There's a communication going on there that is like universal. It's like some weird energy being pushed back and forth, and you start swimming kind of in your own...

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A Tantra Master!

2563.828

So when you're having sex, right, I don't know that it's time for that kind of communication unless you're ready to go there, like at a super deep level. And maybe that's what she's feeling is like this intense vibe coming at. And maybe what she would like is something a little bit more playful and fun.

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A Tantra Master!

2586.212

That's it. I was about to say the same. I said, so get pegged. Yeah. So get pegged and then put a mirror in front of you and stare at yourself.

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A Tantra Master!

2598.318

Yeah. Hey, listen, pegging is a thing. Guys are into it. I've actually seen a lot of guys admitting to this on the social medias. I don't know why they're so hep on pegging now, like it's becoming a trendy thing to talk about. But there's a lot of conversation about and around pegging.

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A Tantra Master!

2620.843

Actually, if you're into pegging or your husband's into pegging or you're like the pegging is the thing, text us, 212-433-3TCB. I'd like to talk about this further. I've never been pegged. It's, you know.

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A Tantra Master!

2635.165

I've had fingers involved. And I just didn't. For me, it wasn't my favorite thing in the world. But again, I'm like tight as a. Maybe you didn't give it a chance. I'm tight as a caboose. It's like every time I go in there to get the prostate, like, you know, ring the bell. And the guy's like, okay, loosen up. And I'm like, that's as loose as it's going to get, dude. He's like, everything okay?

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A Tantra Master!

2658.012

You stressed out? Yeah, I'm stressed out. You got a finger in my ass, bro. So not my thing, but I find it to be very cool that guys are out there talking about it and saying that, hey, this is my thing. I'm into it. Because of the tantra retreats, I understand that it could be a very pleasurable thing and that there's a lot of guys who are now into it.

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A Tantra Master!

267.083

I have been to quite a few retreats. Prostate massage.

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A Tantra Master!

2682.777

So get pegged, stare at yourself, problem solved. Thank you, TCB. Thank you. Thank you very much. I do. I think it's such a catchy song. I really do. Um, This is our friend in Wichita. I recently discovered that I loved being spanked. My husband recently discovered he's bad at spanking. Like, he claps, but not spanks. And sometimes he even says things while he's spanking.

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A Tantra Master!

2722.759

One night, he yelled, Bravo! Bravo? Bravo? Is he Italian? Bravissimo! How do I explain that this is not improv night at the local comedy shop and that I want something more Fifty Shades of Grey than Red Lobster? That's a good one, actually.

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A Tantra Master!

2747.346

Watch Fifty Shades of Grey. Wear them. That's it. That's what you got to do. You got to teach them. You got to be instructive. There's one thing that I've learned from all my time of being a man. It's that you have to be instructive because, guys, sometimes we just don't get it.

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A Tantra Master!

2775.545

In bed? Wow. What's going on over at Rachel's house? That's kinky. I like that. I like the thought of someone coming in to dust Rachel's computer. All of a sudden they're on the floor.

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A Tantra Master!

278.606

Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris Joy Hoadley. Best to you.

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A Tantra Master!

2791.093

Yeah. Okay. Yes, of course. People need communication. You're right about this. It's like instruction is not a bad thing. And I say to my kids a lot, you can say anything to anybody. It's about how you say it. And so be instructive, be kind, be gentle, or do a little show and tell. Here's how you do it. Turn the other cheek, so to speak. Exactly. And give him a smack or two. This is how I like it.

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A Tantra Master!

2815.431

This is how I like it. That's right. Okay. That was an easy one. Yeah, that's a solvable. I mean, come on. That's communication. Which, by the way, 90% of these things are communication. Hey, dog, get out. Hey, take those fucking Crocs off or you're not getting laid again. Yeah. Hey, I want to get pegged so I can stare at myself. Okay, Hoboken.

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A Tantra Master!

2837.708

Every time I try and initiate sex, I do what I call the sensual hover. I float over her like a sexy ghost.

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A Tantra Master!

2848.194

But she's starting to – she told me one night I look like I'm – Like a sexy ghost. Yeah, like a sexy ghost. Like Nico, just floating around.

The Commercial Break

A Tantra Master!

286.832

And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. I certainly do appreciate it. The Menendez brothers have now been re-sentenced to 50 to life instead of life without parole.

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A Tantra Master!

2861.201

I think I know what he's talking about. He like, you know, she's on the bed and he rolls over, but he puts his hands up like this and he kind of crawls up and down her body. OK, but she said, I look like I'm auditioning for Cirque du Soleil. How do I land this plane without losing altitude or dignity? Yeah, bro. I don't know.

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A Tantra Master!

2881.34

You got to send us a video on this one because I'm not sure how you're sexy ghosting her. But I think she's about to sexy ghost you. Yeah. This is not working for her. So try something else. There's got to be another move in your playbook besides sexy ghost. I mean, sexy ghost.

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A Tantra Master!

2900.351

i see him coming in with a sheet i know me too i'm picturing like the hand yeah like moving over her yeah dude uh i don't know sexy goes never heard of that one but it's not working for her obviously if she's making fun of it where there's smoke there's fire and if she's making fun of it it's clearly not turning her on yeah i

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A Tantra Master!

2921.528

If they're laughing 90% of the time, it's at you, not with you, especially during sex. So my advice is you got to find a new move. You know, talk to your bros.

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A Tantra Master!

2932.615

Yeah, talk to your bros. Find some good moves that you can use. Put some other stuff in your tool bag. Just like anybody in life, not only women, but men too, we all like a little variety. Variety is the spice of life. No one likes the same thing every time.

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A Tantra Master!

2946.578

There's a novel idea. Yeah. Start with a really nice purse and then work your way forward. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, you know, tickle her mind and her senses and then, you know, it'll all come together. Take her out for a nice dinner. Have a good conversation. Apply her with a glass of wine. Get home. Throw her against the door.

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A Tantra Master!

2965.849

Tell her how much you love her and how sexy she looks tonight. And then take her bra off with your teeth. Okay, I'm getting way too descriptive here. I can't give you all the action, but you know how to do it. You've seen it before in movies. You know how it goes. We'll be back. Thanks for writing in. We'll be back after these messages.

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A Tantra Master!

298.5

I just read that. And that's a big deal because that means that there is a likelihood that at least in their lifetimes they will see the other side of a jail cell. And I don't know what to make of it.

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A Tantra Master!

3038.755

All right. Speaking of sex, Chrissy, you remember this as soon as I press play on this. Sue Johansson was a Canadian sex expert. And she was an older woman at the time when she started coming on air. And I believe she started coming on air through, like, infomercials late at night. They would play, like, in between Girls Gone Wild, you know, shows. Pitch videos, essentially.

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A Tantra Master!

3061.666

And everybody who was alive at that time remembers the Girls Gone Wild infomercials that would endlessly play at night, showing... There's a whole documentary about that. Yeah, that was crazy. I wonder whatever happened to that guy. He went to jail for a little while, didn't he?

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A Tantra Master!

3079.274

Oh, that's right. Joe Francis. Yeah, Joe Francis. Yeah, because it was like revenge porn. Anyway, I don't want to get into it. That's a different story for a different time. But this lady... I remember being a young man and learning things about sex that I thought I would never learn from anybody through the conversations that this woman was having.

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A Tantra Master!

3101.651

Quite frank, quite literal, quite graphic, quite descriptive. And she did it in a way that was... You were kind of interested in what she had to say. She seemed like your grandmother. Like, Dr. Ruth was also this way. But Dr. Ruth was funny. Because... She had a funny accent. She had a funny accent, yeah. She was a tiny woman of a woman. She was just like three foot three, you know. She was tiny.

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A Tantra Master!

3125.052

She looked like a fragile doll, right? And she was funny. She was frank, but she was funny. But this lady had a more... I don't know, like punchy way, clinical and punchy way of saying it made you believe she actually knew what she was talking about. Her name's Sue Johansson. It's hard to find these old infomercials of hers, but I managed to find a couple. And this is a clip of one of them.

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A Tantra Master!

3148.725

But take a listen. I think you'll remember who she is. My wife and I think you're the coolest lady ever.

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A Tantra Master!

315.994

No, 35. You're right. Well, the murder happened in 1989. I think by the time they got to their second trial, it was like five years later. But I don't think they were out in bail. I think they went to jail pretty quickly after it happened, like a couple months after it happened.

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A Tantra Master!

3157.834

Okay, you remember her? You can see her. Go to youtube.com slash the commercial break and we'll see if you do.

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A Tantra Master!

3172.758

Oh, I definitely remember her.

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A Tantra Master!

3179.14

This is just the intro to this, by the way.

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A Tantra Master!

3186.142

She also did a radio thing for a while, yes, but I remember her from TV. I'm not sure it played here in Atlanta, but it was called Talk Sex with Sue Johansson. It was on for many years, maybe a decade plus. This might be toward the end of the run, but

The Commercial Break

A Tantra Master!

3200.406

Oh, I think a lot of people will remember Sue Johansson.

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A Tantra Master!

3224.076

Me too.

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A Tantra Master!

3225.596

How straightforward. We need somebody like this that's not Dr. fucking Drew.

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A Tantra Master!

3231.719

Or Pornhub. We need a lady who gives it to you straight, tells you that life is not a porn movie. Most people don't have sex for hours at a time, you know, in a shower, holding one leg up against the wall, flipping somebody around their penis with 70 other women. girls in the room watching. It just doesn't happen that way. Most sex is clunky, funny, smelly, interesting, fun, adventurous, scary.

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A Tantra Master!

3256.161

I can think of other adjectives. Do we have any other adjectives? Okay, let's listen to Sue. She's the expert.

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A Tantra Master!

3282.867

You can see the look on Sue Johansson's face right now. She's like, the dentist is a perv. Go to a different dentist.

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A Tantra Master!

330.349

But the Menendez brothers, who were just the subject of a great FX show, American Crime Story, the Menendez brothers, that was a fantastic television. Did you watch it?

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A Tantra Master!

3304.773

Not. Nope. Yeah, nope, she gets it. We say the same thing. I think we are the Sue Johansson of the 25th year of the 21st century. No. No.

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A Tantra Master!

3358.403

Oh.

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A Tantra Master!

3360.425

Oh, yeah. He's like, ooh, I didn't call for that kind of advice.

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A Tantra Master!

3364.748

Okay. I can think of another reason, too. It's just not a great lubricant. It's not. Water is not a good lubricant.

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A Tantra Master!

3396.403

It's air. She is the best. Yeah. This is the best. Where else? It's certainly not here on the commercial break because I giggled. Where else could you get a straight faced answer to a question like this? But this girl is concerned. She says, I'm making noises down there. It's uncomfortable. Is it part of the situation? And can I help it? And Sue says, no. Why would you want to?

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A Tantra Master!

3418.658

Like I said, it's messy and smelly and weird and loud and whatever. Yeah.

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A Tantra Master!

342.182

Yeah.

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A Tantra Master!

3431.244

I need that as a clip, an audio clip. That's awesome. Good for you, Sue.

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A Tantra Master!

3454.47

Those are two clips I'm cutting.

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A Tantra Master!

346.225

It was like a documentary about it.

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A Tantra Master!

3477.853

I keep trying to tell my kids this. And I say, hey, listen.

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A Tantra Master!

3483.278

No. No, no, no, no. My kids, they want to take a bath, but they're at the age when they need to take a shower. Right? And I keep saying, you're sitting in your own butt water. And poop has bacteria. You don't want that poopy bacteria all over your bodies. Stop drinking the poop water. And then they want to put it in their mouth. They want to drink the poop water.

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A Tantra Master!

3500.632

And I'm like, stop drinking the poop water.

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A Tantra Master!

3522.441

Wow, I love this lady. It's so great. She passed away a couple years ago.

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A Tantra Master!

3527.986

Yeah, she passed at like 93 years old or something like that. And I think that was back in 2000.

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A Tantra Master!

353.631

There is no fucking originality in Hollywood, I am telling you, is that everybody has to copycat other people. But by the way, this has been happening in Hollywood for a very long time. Like, Airplane comes out and then they put out the disaster movie. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

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A Tantra Master!

3534.411

I'm sure. That's my other question. A legitimate question. Kind of goofy. I know there's a giggle about this. But did Dr. Ruth and Sue Johansson and maybe even Dr. Drew, do they have some of the best sex ever? Because they know everything there is to know about sex.

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A Tantra Master!

3551.981

And they can get around a vagina or a penis.

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A Tantra Master!

3556.663

Hey, listen, if I'm having sex with Sue Johansson, I think I'm probably having some of the best sex of my life. Even at her advanced age. The Villages. Ooh, Hot Stuff.

The Commercial Break

A Tantra Master!

3568.088

Well, what was that? I know. If this wasn't Hot Stuff, what is? Hot Stuff. Hot Stuff.

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A Tantra Master!

3578.679

Oh, the bag. I remember this.

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A Tantra Master!

3607.362

That's a penis pump, yeah.

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A Tantra Master!

3616.951

She's demonstrating a sex toy.

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A Tantra Master!

3626.036

This is going from clip to clip. For those of you listening, by the way, it's not like this is one long clip.

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A Tantra Master!

3654.764

Oh, my God. Why would you? That's really. Yeah.

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A Tantra Master!

3661.645

Listen, I did that during the birth. Yeah. I did that during the birth.

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A Tantra Master!

3667.167

No.

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A Tantra Master!

3671.048

Oh, I'm sure there's point of view porn out there that has these kind of cameras, you know, but I...

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A Tantra Master!

368.723

They're always chasing the good idea, and it's not unusual for someone to run around town with a script that someone likes. They pass on it. Somebody else picks it up, and then they get another writer to come in and do a story that's very similar. It's a shitty, shitty business. Everyone's ripping off the commercial break, too. Look at all the other mediocre comedy podcasts out there.

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A Tantra Master!

3708.231

And I got to be honest about this. I think the inside of a body looks relatively the same no matter what part of the inside of the body you're looking at. You know what I'm saying? You see those surgery shows and stuff like that. It all looks like... It all looks like the inside of a body.

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A Tantra Master!

3731.527

It all looks the same. It looks the same. Unless you know what you're looking at. Unless you're Dr. Sue Johansson.

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A Tantra Master!

3747.828

Chrissy, swear to God. That looks like the thing that I bought to help me with after the vasectomy. And it was intimidating. It was intimidating. Well, listen, the inside of it is much smaller, but it's just a whole contraption. And I had no interest, none interest in putting that thing on my penis.

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A Tantra Master!

3795.082

She was incredible. She just really was great. Dr. Sue Johansson, here's to another one. I'm sorry about that. I don't know what I was pressing there. Here's to Dr. Sue Johansson. May another one of you come along sooner rather than later.

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A Tantra Master!

3809.812

Best to Sue. Best to you and best to Sue. Or worse to you. That's a funny song. That's the one I love.

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A Tantra Master!

3820.765

All right, well, it's been a week of music and fun here on the commercial break. We've just done it all, Chrissy. We have. Made AI songs for everyone to enjoy. I'm sure that will continue long into the future. I hope that's a new part of the commercial break. Do you have any ideas for songs?

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A Tantra Master!

3838.01

Or you're a musician and you want to write a song for TCB, we'd be happy to take a listen to it, maybe play it on air. Yeah, so get in touch with us. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. We take them all right there. Also, in case you are sick of hearing it, May 31st, the 12 hours of... 531! 531! 5.31, May 31st, the 12 Hours of TCB, TCB's big birthday bash.

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A Tantra Master!

3876.288

Five years as a podcast, six seasons, sponsored officially by Five Hour Energy.

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A Tantra Master!

3884.969

Thank you to Five Hour Energy. That's no joke. They have signed on as a sponsor. I think we said it so much, they were like, well, we should probably pay them for all that free promotion. So the 12 Hours of TCB officially... Sponsored by 5-Hour Energy. And in collaboration with our partners at Odyssey, Covert Creative, and CTV. The agency that helps us book all these wonderful guests.

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A Tantra Master!

389.958

So the Menendez brothers, in case you have your head in a hole, the Menendez and go watch American Crime Story, the Menendez brothers, because it's a fantastic television show on its own merits. But it does take a lot of creative liberties.

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A Tantra Master!

3910.466

Tom Papa, Tig Notaro, Reggie Watts, Michael Ian Black, and more. On May 30th. And lots of Chrissy and I. Lots and lots of Chrissy and I. Yes, lots of us. So tune in, call in, check in on Twitch or YouTube. We'll give you more information. Make sure you're following us at The Commercial Break on Instagram for all the deets the week of. Also, YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break.

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A Tantra Master!

3935.46

Make sure you're following us there so you can watch it live when it happens. And TCBpodcast.com. All the jizz and jazz about Chrissy and I. Yes.

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A Tantra Master!

3945.166

your free tcb sticker and you can get a hold of us there hot stuff 5 30 vaginal farts okay chrissy i love you i love you best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe until next time chrissy and i will say we do say and we must say goodbye I get ass.

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A Tantra Master!

403.444

Yeah, it's a Ryan Murphy creation. And he's not known to stick to the script all the time, but it's generally loosely based. I mean, pretty. Let's put it this way. I would say it's like 70 percent.

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A Tantra Master!

417.383

He intended to try and make it as real as he wanted to. So the Menendez brothers were these two brothers, an older and a younger. Come on. What else would there be, Brian? Starting off strong. Oh, I'm in one of those moods. I'm overly verbose today. Too much coffee. The two brothers, Eric and Lyle, lived in a household with Kitty and whatever his name was, the older.

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465.197

The guy, the father was the guy who signed Menudo. The very famous Mexican boy band that became like a super crazy pop sensation in the 80s. Now, they're even a little bit before my time. Like, I don't think... Me too.

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A Tantra Master!

486.837

Ricky Martin. Ricky Martin, yeah. It was like this group, like this nebulous group of Mexican boys, and they would like switching it out. It was like a Nickelodeon show where all of a sudden your favorite... boy had hair on his testicles, so the next boy would come in. You know what I'm saying? They would switch in and out.

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503.95

His voice would change, and they'd kick him out, and they'd bring in the new soprano singer, the new Michael Jackson. But a few famous people came out of there, and this is relevant to the story. So the story goes that they lived this life of opulence and riches in Hollywood. However... And the father was known to be an extreme hard ass.

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529.538

And he really pushed those boys to the extreme in whatever they did. And when they got in trouble, all hell and fire would rain down on them, including physical abuse. And according to them... Mental and sexual. Mental and sexual abuse. Now, this was a big bone of contention, pun intended. Yeah.

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At the trial, because some people believe they made up the story last minute because there wasn't a ton of evidence. And because Kitty was dead, she could not come to the boys' defense and share that she had been witnessing this the entirety of their relationship. In other words, it was hidden. It was in secret.

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568.785

Several family members said that they—

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572.727

Suspected, saw weird things, and that the boys at one time said something to them long before the murders happened. So one night, the boys just had enough. They felt like their lives were in danger, like they were going to get abused again. Something had happened.

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587.097

The father was pissed off, and they felt like they were not only about to be maybe physically assaulted or sexually assaulted, again, they couldn't take the abuse. But they also felt like he had cut them out of the will, and that drove them to kind of this point of madness. And they walked in with a shotgun, and they murdered their parents in cold blood while the parents were watching TV.

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A Tantra Master!

607.607

They then went on an enormous shopping spree, living it high on the hog in the Hollywood Hotel.

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616.271

Eric.

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A Tantra Master!

620.912

You're right. I think it's Lyle. Okay. Lyle or Eric, one of the two. Yes. The older one.

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A Tantra Master!

629.526

He was wearing a toupee the whole time? Yeah. To the surprise of a nation when he showed up one day without that toupee.

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A Tantra Master!

645.276

like another country and played tennis yeah he tried to become a professional tennis player and he was living out i think italy or france or one of those places yeah But they also then decided that because of this, they needed to go. They had been going to a family therapist and they decided they needed to go to the therapist and talk about this or the younger one did.

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A Tantra Master!

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And when the younger one went to talk to the therapist, the therapist serendipitously or excuse me, surreptitiously, not serendipitously, Brian. That means whatever. Anyway, you get it.

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recorded them and recorded their confessions recorded the younger ones confession that he had that they had murdered their father then the older brother came in and then all of a sudden this guy this kind of like hack psychiatrist he was yes he was a total hack and he was at an affair with the secretary and she was part of the whole thing she was involved and then there was like

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A Tantra Master!

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blackmail involved. It was a whole fucking thing. I mean, everybody was trying to get at the money, basically, at the end of the day. And they got arrested because now there was evidence that clearly pointed... There was always evidence that pointed to them. They had bought the gun. They had bought all kinds of shit. They had receipts in the back of the car for the gun that was used.

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A Tantra Master!

713.231

I mean, it was like a whole shit show. They didn't plan it out all that well. And their defense was, basically... hey, we were abused and we felt we feared for our lives.

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A Tantra Master!

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And everybody else in the world was like, well, then why'd you go on a multimillion dollar shopping spree and tried to get into the will and tried to make sure that everything came your direction as far as the cash and the assets were concerned. So they went to jail. That's bottom line, they went to jail. First trial hung jury, second trial guilty. They went to jail for life, life without parole.

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A Tantra Master!

745.641

That was the sentence.

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A Tantra Master!

748.502

Correct.

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A Tantra Master!

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It was the O.J.

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756.566

The judge didn't allow in half the evidence. He wanted to quicken up the trial. He did not want to media circus. He let the prosecutors run rip shot on any defense. He didn't allow the sexual abuse defense, actually. He said there was not evidence, and that wasn't a viable defense for murdering somebody. And so until this movie came out that Ryan Murphy did...

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A Tantra Master!

780.188

The Menendez brothers were under the jail without a key. They were never getting out of jail because no one gave a shit about what happened to the Menendez brothers. It's been 30 years. They've gotten married. They've become, you know, they've graduated multiple degrees. I mean, they were going to spend the rest of their life in jail. There was no doubt about it.

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And I don't even think they were trying to get out of jail, to be honest. They just kind of, like, resigned to the fate that they murdered their parents, and that was it. And... Only until, I mean, not until Ryan Murphy came out with this crazy kind of very dramatized series, did anyone take a look back and go, wait, holy shit, these kids were...

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aped from the time that they were children by the father, who then manipulated them mentally, physically, emotionally, and sexually. And no one thought that maybe that would drive them to a point of madness. And Kitty, the mother, never once stood up for them, never once got in the way, never once put herself in front of the father to defend her children or to help them from harm.

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A Tantra Master!

853.453

I think that's the greatest crime of all to be honest. I mean, they're all crimes, but I think one of the equally as terrible crime is the mother never saying a word, never getting in the middle of it. That to me is a crime in and of itself punishable by life in prison. If you see a child being harmed or any person, any vulnerable person being harmed in that manner, you got to fucking speak up.

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A Tantra Master!

877.212

You got to do something. You can't just sit there because your Mercedes-Benz needs an oil change and you don't know how you're going to pay for it. That's bullshit. But there's plenty of mothers out there and fathers for that matter who have walked out on those kind of relationships to save the children, to save the fucking children. Anyway, I don't want to get on my high horse.

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A Tantra Master!

898.019

Listen, here's the point. Menendez brothers got resentenced, not from not from life without parole, but from 50 to life, 50 to life with a chance of parole. So that means that on June 13th, they're going to go in front of the parole board for the first time when before there was zero chance they would ever get in front of a parole board.

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A Tantra Master!

917.329

A lot of people think they should spend all their lives in jail. A lot of people think that they've served their time. It's kind of a question of, you know, it's not even a question of legality now. It's a question in as far as opinions are concerned about how you feel about that defense. Does that warrant murder? Does that warrant a murder?

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I don't know because I haven't been there, but I can only imagine that kind of torture would drive me to madness.

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Yeah. And so, you know, Eric and Lyle, listen.

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Yeah.

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Young, like pre-puberty, right? And the older one first and then the younger one. And to be... Completely, like, and who knows if this is true or this is not true. There are no eyewitnesses to this except for the two brothers. But apparently the older brother did on multiple times come to the defense of the younger brother.

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Telling the father, if you touch him again, I'm going to kill you. Like, I'm going to kill you. And that is what precipitated the murder. They got into a tizzy one night, believing that the abuse was going to happen again or worse. Right. and the older brother convinced the younger brother, this is the time. We got to do it now. We got to go do this.

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Sexy Can I

1009.547

Einige Leute sind wirklich verdammt enttäuscht, weißt du? Aber da ist das. Da ist der Fakt, dass wir... Es gibt nicht so viel Gespräch, das ich von Zach Bryans Camp gesehen habe. Es könnte sehr gut sein, dass wir nur einen Teil der Geschichte hören. Und Zach kann rauskommen und sagen, das ist alles missverständlich. Aber jeder sagt immer, du weißt, alle Leute sagen immer, es ist missverständlich.

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Sexy Can I

1030.765

Pete Diddy sagt, es ist missverständlich. Pete Diddy. Ja. Oh mein Gott, Chrissy, ich habe ein Video gesehen, das wirklich unnervig war. Zuerst einmal, es gibt viele unnervige Videos. Wenn du zurückgehst und viele Videos von Diddy siehst, wie Ellen oder Leno oder wo auch immer er ist, und er sagt bestimmte Dinge und sie nehmen einen ganz anderen Weg.

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Sexy Can I

1052.702

Er... I think, has a guilty conscience, he knows what he's up to, and it slides out the side of his mouth. Where no one else knows what he's talking about, but if you know you know, I-K-N-Y-D-K-O-N-Y, if you know you know, kind of thing.

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Sexy Can I

1080.257

Yeah, but I mean, you know, sometimes when you're, maybe not a guilty conscience, I don't know, I don't know what's in Diddy's brain, doesn't sound like he felt bad about much, right? But, you know, sometimes when you do something wrong and you're feeling, it's like it's heavy on your head or heavy on your chest.

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Sexy Can I

1097.398

Hey, listen, I'm just saying, when you look at it, and he's like telling Justin Bieber, like, Justin knows not to say anything about what goes on at a Diddy party, right? Or Justin and I just spent three nights in a row together. He knows, I treat him well, but he can't talk about it, you know? And people are really speculating, a lot of people are speculating. Oh, es muss so viel sein.

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Sexy Can I

1133.283

dass in 15 Minuten jeder unter dem Alter von 18 Jahren weg muss. Wenn die Kinderberatung jemanden arrestiert, weil etwas passiert, nach 15 Minuten von jetzt, dann ist das auf dich. Das ist auf dich. Also holt eure Kinder aus hier. Holt die Kinder aus hier. 15 Minuten. Soll ich mich klar machen? Und es ist wie, wow, das ist... Ich bin nie... Ich bin in vielen Partien.

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Sexy Can I

1155.447

Ich bin nie in einer Partie, wo sie sich bedrohen, D-Facts zu nennen. Oh, Daddy, you are...

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Sexy Can I

1193.499

No, it's like the creep apocalypse with that guy, man. Time will tell. Oh, and the other thing that I read, just to put a cap on this whole Diddy thing, because I'm keeping up with it a little bit, is that there are celebrity... Celebrities that are out there with their attorneys trying to pay supposed victims, right?

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Sexy Can I

1210.532

Or they're trying to pay victims ahead of any kind of court proceedings to not say their name, right? And this has even gone so far according to these newspapers that I read. Ich weiß, ich weiß. Ich kann nicht warten, bis ich das sehe. Oprah, who's that? Oprah was with Diddy at a few of these parties. I mean, I don't think Oprah was involved.

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Sexy Can I

1254.695

I don't think Oprah was all baby-oiled up, sliding around the basement with Diddy. I don't think so either. But you never know.

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Sexy Can I

1271.001

I was listening to Stern talk about how he was invited to a Diddy party one time. And Stern, for some reason, every time someone came in that he knew was associated with Diddy, he kept poking at them to give them information about what happens. But he went to a Diddy party, but he said he kind of got cordoned off in a certain area and they wouldn't let him to other places in the house.

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Sexy Can I

1291.793

He was like literally... Security guards would not let Howard fucking Stern walk around the house. Well, maybe we know now why. Exactly. And Howard has a big mouth. Well, he has a platform. Yeah, that's right. And he's a loud mouth. He doesn't keep anything a secret. So just like here at the commercial, don't tell me any secrets because I'll be on the next day talking about it.

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Sexy Can I

1311.992

All right, let's take a break. We'll be back.

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Sexy Can I

139.628

Because Zach Bryan and Chicken Fry, at some point we'll get back, not Zach Bryan, Zach Bryan, I'm saying Zach Bryan. Is it Zach Bryan? It's not Zach Bryan. Who am I saying?

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Sexy Can I

1423.963

People's sexiest man alive has been announced and it is John Krasinski.

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Sexy Can I

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Of Office fame, recently in the reboots of the, not Patriot Games, but the other one.

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Sexy Can I

1442.192

No. Jack Ryan, Jack Ryan, right. Who I think was in Patriot Games, like he was a character in Patriot Games.

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Sexy Can I

1450.816

Und er hat auch diese Filme gedreht, wenn ich nicht falsch bin. Und er hat einen Film gedreht namens Imaginary Friends, mit Ryan Reynolds. Und die Kinder lieben diesen Film. Und tatsächlich ist es nicht so toll, wie ich es gedacht hätte. Ich hatte hohe Hoffnungen für diesen Film. Es war nicht so hart, wie ich es gedacht hätte. Aber die Kinder lieben es, den Film zu sehen.

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Sexy Can I

1471.025

Und es ist kein schreckliches Film. Ich meine, du kannst es sehen. Es ist nicht schrecklich.

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Sexy Can I

1477.388

Du kannst es sehen, es ist nicht schrecklich. Ja. Ja. Ja. Ja.

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Sexy Can I

152.198

Do you know Chicken Fry? Yeah, that song? Brianna, Chicken Fry, Zach Bryan, that's right, it's Zach Bryan. I think Zach Brown is what I thought I said. Do you know Chicken Fry?

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Sexy Can I

1540.909

Du bist ein PR-Agent. Das ist eine Qualifikation. Du musst die Leute an die Leute händeln, um auf dieser Shortlist zu kommen. Und dann musst du sie absolut hart kampagnen, um deinen Klienten zu bekommen.

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Sexy Can I

1578.14

Ja, wie Jason Momoa. Etwas so. Yeah, or that guy from Fifty Shades of Grey, whatever his name is. That, you know, even though that's the dumbest fucking movie in the history of the world, and he acts so cardboard in that movie, I get it. I get why women like him. Or that guy who was in, was that the Motorcycle Gang, you know, on FX, the Motorcycle Gang Show? Oh, yeah. Do you remember that one?

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Sexy Can I

1618.812

I don't know. Whatever. It came and it went. Yeah, the Motorcycle Gang one.

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Sexy Can I

162.176

Nein, das ist von Zac Brown. Oh, richtig. Ja, er hat es gemacht. Er hat an vielen der gleichen Bars gespielt, die ich besuchen würde. Er hat mit einigen Leuten gespielt, die ich kannte. Es gibt einen Mann namens Francisco Vidal, der in der Atlanta-Bar-Szene für seine Cover-Tunage berichtet wurde.

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Sexy Can I

1627.778

FX, Motor, Motor, Motor, Cycle, Drama. Sons of Anarchy. That's what it was. Sons of Anarchy. That was a good show. Yeah, it was a good show. So Charlie Hunnam, who was the lead actor in that show, like, I saw that guy and I was like, thank God that I do not live anywhere near that guy. Because if I, it would just suck up all the, you know, just suck up all the... Ja, ja, ja.

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Sexy Can I

1676.474

So it just befuddled me that John Krasinski was like the sexiest man. Again, it's probably PR driven. There's probably a lot of campaigning behind the scenes that goes on. There's no doubt he's a very famous person. But like, isn't like Ryan Reynolds and, you know... Wasn't he that one year too? He was. I can get that. I understand that. Ryan Reynolds is a handsome dude. Who's the other guy?

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Sexy Can I

1700.12

Who's the other Ryan? Uh... You know who I'm talking about. I don't know. Oh my God, I'm having like a total... I know. Since I got the surgery, I'm feeling so much better and I think I'm so much better at recalling things. I can like literally feel my brain being clear.

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Sexy Can I

1715.064

Yeah, but sometimes it still gets stuck. Not Ryan Philippe, though whatever happened to Ryan Gosling? Ryan Gosling. Whatever happened to Ryan Philippe?

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Sexy Can I

1727.106

Warum ist er nicht einer der weltweit größten Stars? War er zu schmarrig für alle? War das alles? War er nur ein bisschen zu schmarrig für alle? Ich kann es nicht mehr erinnern. Ich kann es nicht. Ich erinnere mich an zwei Filme, in denen er gespielt hat. Zwei Mal hat er gespielt, wie ein reiches, weißes Kind, das etwas falsch gemacht hat.

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Sexy Can I

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Und ich fühlte mich, als hätte er das in den Stereotypen gemacht. Und er hatte auch diesen seltsamen englischen Akzent, der ihn besser klingt als alle anderen. Weißt du, was ich meine?

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Sexy Can I

1762.422

Ist das ein ganzes Show über uns googeln? Ich glaube, das ist es. Ein Show über alte Leute, die sich googeln. Wir sollten es den Google Break nennen. Oh, das ist er. Das sieht nicht so aus, wie ich ihn erinnert habe.

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Sexy Can I

1780.137

Okay. That old. Ryan Felipe looks like, I don't know, an old version of George Michael.

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Sexy Can I

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Clad in leather.

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1791.84

He was. And they broke up, didn't they? Yeah, they divorced.

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Sexy Can I

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Well, I think, you know, I don't know. I don't know what happened. Cruel intentions. Cruel intentions. That was the one where I remember him being really smarmy. But I do, you know, Reese Witherspoon is a hot fucking catch. Oh, gosh, yeah. She's a beautiful woman. Damn good girl boss production and directing and editing and writing and all that other stuff.

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Sexy Can I

1817.787

And she's just been, she's had so, like, hit after hit after hit. It's hard to knock Reese Witherspoon. So, you gotta be a real dum-dum to lose that one. I mean, but I don't know. I don't know Ryan at all. And, you know, maybe he's a great guy. But he was the sexiest man. Let's look at the, let's look at the... Let's Google some more. Last 20 Sexiest Men Alive People Magazine. Let's see.

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Sexy Can I

1853.822

2023.

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Sexy Can I

1859.966

Yeah. Paul Rudd. Okay, so there's some precedent for not so sexy men being named the sexiest man alive.

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Sexy Can I

1888.677

Somewhere in between John Krasinski and Patrick Dempsey is Blake Shelton. Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Not my cup of tea, but I'm not having sex with him, so there you go. David Beckham in 2015, of course. Chris Hemsworth, of course. Adam Levine. Remember when people thought Adam Levine was sexy? Now he's pitching acne medication, late night TV.

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Sexy Can I

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I'll tell you when I liked Adam. When he was coming on the Stern Show frequently, they became friends. And there was something about him that I thought was accessible. He seemed very... Normal. He had the same problems I had, even though he was fabulously rich and was dating every Victoria's Supermodel ever. And had so many tattoos. When I'm scared to get like a peace symbol on my butt.

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Sexy Can I

1942.005

A peace symbol on your butt. Yeah, but I mean... Ich weiß nicht. Ich denke, Maroon 5 könnte ein Reunion-Tour zusammen machen, wie in New England oder so. Sie würden die gleichen Räume spielen, in denen wir gespielt haben. Wir sollten gespielt haben. 2012, Channing Tatum. Okay, Channing. Ich gebe es an Bradley Cooper in 2011. Natürlich Bradley Cooper. Ryan Reynolds, 2010.

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Sexy Can I

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I think we can all agree, Ryan's a handsome man. Johnny Depp in 2009. At the height of his powers. Before he became just like a weird rendition of every character he's ever played. Er meldete sich in alle von ihnen. Oh, by the way, it's like one thing my father-in-law and I actually have in common, because there's not much, except that we love each other.

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Sexy Can I

198.222

Und dann hat er große Bands für große Bars gespielt und die ganze Nacht lang gespielt und den Publikum aufgerufen hat.

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Sexy Can I

2025.68

But him and I can agree, The Greatest Showman is a great soundtrack, just to let you know. Okay. Matt Damon in 2007, of course. George Clooney gets his due in 2006. Yeah, I mean, Matthew McConaughey, 2005. Jude Law. Mmm. Oh, Johnny again. Well, Johnny's a special kind of good looking. You know what I'm saying?

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Sexy Can I

206.006

Absolutely. A good cover band is worth the money. That's what I said when I used to work in the restaurant industry. The bars would be attached to the restaurants. And every Friday, Saturday, sometimes Sundays, you would get a good band. Because they'd be worth the money. They keep people there drinking and doing drugs. And that's what you want.

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Sexy Can I

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Yeah. He looks grungy in this one. And he looked more clean cut in the next one. And then he starts getting that weird shine on his face. Like he's an actual cigarette, is what he looks like. It's kind of cool. Yeah, the non-filtered kind. Ben Affleck in 2002. Okay. Pierce Bronson. Oh, yeah. Okay, we can understand that. Brad Pitt in 2004.

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Sexy Can I

2099.718

No, it goes back a number of years from that. But Brad Pitt, let's all stop and admire Brad Pitt. The Peachtree Dish and the Chemists who brewed up the world's most attractive human being. It really is. And Brad Pitt. Yeah, I mean, that guy even gives me a boner. Brad Pitt in his younger years, and even now, he is just lovely.

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Sexy Can I

2128.197

Yeah, I mean, but then you can even fast forward to life. Oh, know everything, yeah. You know, uh... In Glorious Bastards and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Those movies, he is so... You want to hate a guy like that when he comes on the scene. Just like that guy from Twisters. You want to hate a guy like that because he has no ability whatsoever. All the casting directors just want to fuck him.

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Sexy Can I

2153.792

That's it. He's a piece of eye candy. That's it. Just like that guy in Fifty Shades of Grey. Only he made an Irish movie that I really liked and he was really good in it. You want to dislike him because you think that he's qualified in no other area except for lovely on your eyes. And I guess when you're making a movie, that's part of what you're looking for, right?

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Sexy Can I

2172.022

But it turns out Brad Pitt is one of the great actors of our fucking time. He's really good at what he does. But if I have to knock Brad on one thing, if I take him down a peg, a place where I beat him in almost every category is smelling good. Because apparently Brad Pitt does not shower for weeks at a time. It's like, that's how he keeps that lovely glow in his skin. Oh.

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Sexy Can I

2192.591

I take two hours worth of showers a day.

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Sexy Can I

2197.956

Yes, I strip my skin. I burn it in the hot, hot shower every day. Richard Gere in 1999. Classic. Back then. He did not put a gerbil up his ass. For anybody that still thinks that is true, it was a squirrel. 1998, Harrison Ford. Er war 50, als er seinen ersten Rollen bekam. Und er sah noch gut aus, bis vor zwei Jahren. Ich glaube, er macht noch Filme.

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Sexy Can I

222.637

But there's this whole, there's this whole, including me, but there's this kerfuffle going on with Brianna Chicken Fry and Zach Bryan. And I don't know if you know, Zach Bryan is a country singer of some note. He's had a couple of hits and he started dating a girl that works for. Let me check my notes here, kids. Das ist der Grund, warum ich die Noten gemacht habe. Dave Portnoy.

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Sexy Can I

2224.524

Hat er noch einen von den Star Wars Filmen gemacht? Oh nein, er ist in den Star Wars Filmen gestorben. George Clooney, again in 1997. Denzel. There is something about Denzel. I'm going to tell you a story real quick while we're on this. Actually, let me save the Denzel story for the next segment. Remind me to get back to the Denzel story. Brad Pitt in 1995. Okay, again, yeah.

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Sexy Can I

2258.378

Well, if you're going to put whoever twice, you've got to put Brad Pitt twice. And retroactively, they named 1994's sexiest man alive. He got this award in 2015. Thanks, people. Keanu Reeves. And then in 1993, the sexiest couple alive was Richard Gere and Cindy Crawford. 1992 is Nick Nolte. Oh. Ist er nicht wie... ist er wie was? Drunken Onkel sexy?

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Sexy Can I

2300.846

Ja, sicher vor dem Gefängnisbild. Ja, Nick Nolte ist ein besonderer Typ.

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Sexy Can I

2311.288

Ja, ich denke, es ist 1992. Ja. Ja. 1991 ist Patrick Sueze. Oh, Patrick. Und ich meine, wer liebt nicht so viel Haar? Schau dir das Haar an. Ich liebe Patrick. Wie kann ein Mensch so viel Haar haben? Das sieht aus wie ein unnatürliches Haar, das aus einem Haar kommt. Es könnte es sein.

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Sexy Can I

2331.852

1990 ist Tom Cruise. Oh, natürlich. Natürlich hat sie Tom Cruise genannt. Das war, bevor er auf Couchen startete. Er sagte Matt, was auch immer, Lauer, dass er... Du weißt es nicht, Matt. Du weißt es nicht. 1989 ist Sean Connery, der war... Ich liebe Sean Connery. Ich liebe Sean Connery. Ich weiß nicht, ob er der sexieste aussehende Mann ist, aber etwas über diesen Akzent.

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Sexy Can I

2351.178

Oh, Bond, er und Bond, ja. Er war ein gut aussehender Mann und Bond. Aber ich glaube, es ist der Akzent. Der Akzent, definitiv der Akzent.

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Sexy Can I

2357.561

Wenn wir Abendessen haben und er beginnt, mit mir zu sprechen. Das ist ein Boxerdropper.

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Sexy Can I

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Oder ein Briefdropper, ich meine, was auch immer du bist. Not a nut hammock. Not like that guy from Love is Blind. It was wearing a high-waisted thong. So weird. I mean, whatever you're doing, it's kind of weird. 1988 is John F. Kennedy Jr. 1987 is Harry Hamlin. Now we're getting into the people I don't even remember. 1986 is Mark Harmon. Okay, Mark Harmon, he's still around.

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Sexy Can I

2401.142

Didn't he just wrap up like 3,800 years on CSI every city in the United States?

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Sexy Can I

2416.237

How long? How many? There's four versions of it right now. And the first one's been going on for like 10 years. But I think he was in CSI something, which is different than NCIS, which is different than Law & Order, which is different than Law & More Order. I don't know. Law and Disorder. I don't know, that guy Dick Wolf keeps on making every drama under the sun. Law and Disorder.

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That 50 to 75 year old people who are still watching network television just love it.

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They really do. They eat it up. Mark Harmon, he was not in many things. I mean, he's been in a number of things, but he was insane elsewhere, moonlighting, but I think his best turn that I've ever seen him in was not, and it's not driving school, was it summer school? Was it Ja, genau. Oh, das war Tiger Woods. Nein, ich glaube, du hast recht. Ich glaube, er hatte einen Unfall.

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Sexy Can I

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Oh nein, das war David Hasselhoff, der Cheeseburgers gegessen hat, während seine Tochter ihn filmte. Was ist mit David passiert? Er lebt nur. Er lebt nur, wahrscheinlich irgendwo in Deutschland.

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Sexy Can I

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Es ist wie in Frankreich. Und wer ist der Komedian, der Jerry Lewis gemacht hat? Frankreich? Jerry Lewis is a national icon in France. And why? I cannot understand. They love him. They love him. Alright, let's take a break and I'll tell you about Denzel. We'll be back.

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Sexy Can I

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Entschuldigung, ich verliere immer noch diesen Namen. Weißt du Dave Portnoy von Barstool Sports? Der Typ, der Barstool beherrscht?

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Sexy Can I

258.096

Er ist unglaublich populär. Er ist eine gewaltige Figur, egal ob du ihn magst oder nicht. Ich denke, das ist der Punkt. Aber er hat einen Podcast mit dieser Frau, Brianna Chicken Fry, die früher ein Influencer war. Ich denke, sie ging nach Yale oder so etwas.

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Sexy Can I

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Eine Nacht, als wir Simcoe-FM machten, war ich in einer Bar, die Simon Scambadia hielt. Weißt du, worüber ich rede? Scamcoe-FM? Oh, ja. Okay, also ich bin in einer Bar, die er hielt, in Buckhead. Es ist eine dieser Bars, wie ein Flasch in der Pfanne. Am Freitag und Samstagabend könnte es sein, es könnte mit Wannabes und Leuten gefüllt werden und, weißt du, was auch immer.

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Sexy Can I

2608.817

And it's like a Wednesday night, Wednesday or Thursday night. And I'm there doing whatever, probably asking for the money. Anyway, I'm there. I'm there. They're filling me with free drinks in the hopes that I go away. And it's like, I don't know, 10, 11 o'clock at night. And all of a sudden, like the secret fucking service, not kidding you, came in the door.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

2630.652

And there were, it was like four guys all dressed in black, big guys, you know, talking to the bartender, talking to the managers, pulling aside the general manager. Und ich dachte mir, was ist da los? Und dann wurde ein Teil des Bars geöffnet. Ein Teil des Bars wurde auf die Seite gedreht. Es waren nicht viele Leute drin. Vielleicht waren es 30 oder 40 Leute drin, auch ich.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

2648.529

Und es gab dieses Gebiet, es gab zwei Bars. Einer war der Hauptbar und dann war es nicht ein privater Bar, sondern ein Bar auf der Seite. Auf der Seite, ja. And all of the sudden, two huge SUVs, tinted windows, the whole nine yards, pulls up and out of the door comes Denzel Washington. You saw him in person. In person. The guy... I can imagine. He's like a...

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

2701.34

Dad and an FBI agent at the same time that at any moment he could use the skills he has to break your neck in half. You know what I'm saying? Yes.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

2711.685

And he's so smooth talking and he's got that low voice. And I didn't really know what to say to Denzel Washington, except I love your movies. I think you're a great actor, blah, blah, blah. And he started talking. There was a third person involved in the conversation, which was a guy that was with him.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

272.5

Sie war eine Medizinerin, eine Prämedizinerin, und sie machte diese viralen Videos von ihr, wenn sie nachts trank war, und dann die Hang-Ups, die passieren. Ein paar dieser Videos wurden viral. Eines Tages sagte sie, ich denke, mein Bein sieht aus wie eine Frischkuchen-Frei von Burger King. Und so hat ihre Name Briona-Fischkuchen-Frei gesteckt.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

2723.271

Und dann hat dieser Kerl eine andere Konversation gegründet, basierend auf einem Kommentar, den ich gemacht habe. Und so war diese Konversation für zwei, drei Minuten lang. Ich habe mich nicht viel in der Konversation beteiligt, weil ich nur an Denzel Washington schaute. Ja, klar. But that voice in real life is like cuts you. It's like a knife melting butter.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

2745.373

There's something about Denzel's presence that is really energetically amazing. And so when I see Denzel now, let's wrap it back into the Diddy story. When I see Denzel now, some people have put out some video clips of Denzel saying, the devil is going to come to get you and make sure you leave the party before the devil comes to get you. He's saying things like this.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

2768.288

And in some of these clips, like in different places. Ich glaube, er ist der Charakter, den er immer spielt in diesen Filmen. Wie dieser private Sicherheitswaffe, der uns sicherlich alle aus dem Himmel retten wird, mit seinem smoothen Geräusch und seinen Fähigkeiten, jemanden zu töten. Ich glaube, ich vertraue ihm. Ich glaube, er ist der Charakter, den er immer spielt in diesen Filmen.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

2802.415

Hast du jemals einen Mann auf dem Feuer gesehen? Der, der die Sicherheitsbehörde für die Familie in Mexiko-City hat. Und dann wird die Frau verabschiedet und er rennt um Mexiko-City, um sie zu finden. Er ist so schlug und so schmerzhaft. Ja, ich glaube es. Und wenn er spricht, wird dir ein bestimmtes Hell aufgeräumt. Ja. Und das ist so, wie ich mich dort fühlte. Ich fühlte mich weit raus.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

2825.299

Danke, dass du das teilst. Es war wie ein leichtweiteres und ein schwerweiteres Boxing-Match. Genau wie Jake Paul und Mike Tyson.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

2837.309

Ich habe es auch gesehen.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

2847.357

I found myself watching the first, I found myself watching like two minutes of the first one and I had to turn it off. When Ice-T was talking about, you know, who knows what brings these men together. He's talking about, I don't know, like some pivotal moment in man's history. I don't know. It just sounded so fucking overblown and dramatic to me. And I was like, really?

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

2873.608

You're going to make this like that? Oh Gott, ja. Für alles, was wir an Mike Tyson denken, als einen dummen, schweren Boxer, ist er es wirklich nicht. Nein, nein. Er ist es wirklich nicht.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

2902.58

Es gibt viel Wissen. Und seine Augen sind so schwarz wie die Nacht. Hast du das bemerkt? Nein. Er hat so große Augen, die einfach schwarz sind. Es ist so faszinierend. Du würdest nicht auf der anderen Seite dieses Kampfes sein. Ja.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

292.324

Also beginnt sie, diesen Sänger zu verheiratet zu werden, namens Zach Bryan. Zach Bryan, ein country-Sänger, wird berühmt. There's this big kerfuffle now, because they were a couple, then they were living together, then all of a sudden Zach Bryan breaks up with her via social media. He decides that the best place to announce this is on social media, according to Brianna.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

2924.618

I have taken Ayahuasca and I gotta be honest, I don't know which version of Ayahuasca he was taking that he even had a coherent thought. Ja. Ja. But I did like Jake's take on this, take on his life. He says, I am just a dumb, normal person who has a lot of delusional optimism. And I believe I can do anything I put my mind to.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

2964.54

And the butterfly effect is in full effect, that I can change the world by my actions. And he's like, but that's easy for someone to say that has such virality. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, Yes, correct, Jake. And there's no doubt you have an oversized influence on the social media world and the media world in general. Agreed. And I'm not taking anything away from the hard work that must...

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

2997.134

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Sometimes when I see him not on this special, he represents a certain kind of energy that I really disdain right now. I'm not going to get into it because I don't want to be preachy, but he's just not my favorite person in the world. Though I did find myself connecting with a few things that he said, and I appreciated his outlook on life.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

3030.109

And the fact that he even took ayahuasca made me go, ah, all right, okay. Exactly, yeah.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

3061.03

Oh, I hate... I hate when I change my mind. I do it all the time. But I hate when I change my mind. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. Listen, I'm still rooting for Mike Tyson. Because I think it puts a cap on an incredible career. And there's only one way. And they said it in the documentary. And it is so fucking true. Wenn Jake Paul verliert, hat er zu Mike Tyson verloren.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

3081.935

Er wurde von Mike Tyson geschlagen. Es tut ihm keinen Schaden. Er wird immer noch einer der interessanteren Figuren in Sport und sicherlich auch in der Box sein. Wenn Mike Tyson von Jake Paul geschlagen wird, wird er an den Ende seines Karriers eine scharfe Note geben, dass er von einem Exhibitionist-Boxer geschlagen wurde, der einige Fähigkeiten hat. Keine Sorge darüber.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

3100.511

Ich habe ihn im Spar gesehen. Ja, diese Hände sind so fucking schnell. Chrissy, danke Gott, danke Gott, dass ich keine Kämpfe bekomme, weil ich so langsam bin. Ich meine, ich bin so langsam. Meine Kinder können mich schneller punchen, als ich reagieren kann.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

3118.515

Aber ich denke immer noch, dass wenn du mir 10 oder 15 Millionen Dollar gegeben hättest, dass ich einen Punch von einer von ihnen nehmen würde. Ich würde einen Punch für 10 oder 15 Millionen Dollar nehmen. Or I'd be in a relationship with Zach Bryan for $12 million. You know what I'm saying?

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Sexy Can I

3132.493

One of those two.

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Sexy Can I

3143.434

No, I said that even if you gave me 10 million dollars, I don't know that I would get money. But I said 20 million dollars. I'm changing it to 15. After seeing Mike, I think he's a little bit nicer. I think he would not give me his full. I think Mike understands that his hands are deadly weapons. After all of these years, he knows that.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

316.029

Now this is her side of the story, right? Then she starts talking about how he was like emotionally abusive to her. And she goes into this long diatribe on one of these podcasts that I watch on Barstool Sports. She goes into this long diatribe about some of the emotional abuse was she went to the... Not the Emmys, but what are the Golden Globes? She goes to the Golden Globes.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

3161.523

And if you've watched any of his fights on YouTube or seen them live, like I did a few of them, it's pretty clear that even the biggest, bulkiest, strongest, fastest men in the world have no chance against his fists. I think he would go easy on me. So Mike, Jake Paul reached out to you and said, let's fight. You said, let's do it. Good idea.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

3182.154

What about punching the host of the commercial break, the 455th most popular podcast in the world, one time 15 Millionen Dollar, Pay-Per-View. Lass uns das machen.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

3196.368

Das glaube ich sehr. Ich denke, Mike, egal wer gewinnt oder wer verliert, diese Jungs werden in den Eisbäumen für ein paar Monate sein. Ich hoffe, sie haben einen guten Kampf. Ich hoffe, das ist nicht einer, wo sie sich für zwei Stunden hüten. Ich denke, es wird ein guter Kampf sein.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

3213.841

Yeah, I put it on my phone. I'm going to have to watch it on my phone. I know I'm not going to be able to convince my dad to buy Netflix. I just know it.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

3241.813

Alright, so, tonight, as this episode is coming out, tonight, Mike Tyson, Jake Paul, we'll be talking about the results all next week. I am sure it'll be an interesting match. Also, we'd love to hear from you about your relationship red flags. 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. Also, we'd like to know if you'd like to watch us on Twitch.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

3266.889

Okay Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today. I think so. I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I do say, we will say, and we must say, goodbye.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

338.937

She's wearing a dress. That dress has some cleavage. She's showing her boobs. But it's not something that any other woman wouldn't wear to accentuate the best parts of you. It's like not... She's not... Kanyes Girlfriend, you know what I'm saying? Bianca Soriusi just walking around naked with a sheer piece of clothing on.

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Sexy Can I

359.804

And I guess that's okay too, as long as it's in the right place, like you're appropriate, not at the Cheesecake fucking factory, right? But okay, so Bianca's wearing this You know, beautiful dress. In my opinion, beautiful dress. And Zack starts, he unfollows her on social media, tells her that kind of like, yeah, you're a whore for wearing that.

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Sexy Can I

377.968

Like, I don't date people who do that kind of stuff. This is all going on behind the scenes. And so what was supposed to be a fun night for... Brianna Chicken Fry, who was like a influencer who got on one of the more popular podcasts in the world and then gets, you know, some fame. She gets invited to the Golden Globes.

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Sexy Can I

395.522

She goes and then her night is ruined because once she starts posting pictures, Zach Bryan unfriends her, unfollows her and tells her basically, you know, you're acting slutty, which is a completely inappropriate reaction to anybody wearing whatever they want, but a beautiful woman wearing a beautiful dress and who fucking cares if she's got some cleavage? That's Ist das nicht so?

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

415.011

Du hast es, zeig es dir. Warum nicht? Du solltest nicht überrascht sein. Du solltest absolut ein Kleid tragen, das schön passt und gut aussieht. Ja, und ich meine, ein Kleid zu zeigen, ist nichts.

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Sexy Can I

435.811

Ja, das war während der Beziehung.

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Sexy Can I

439.514

No, they did not go together. Okay. So she starts posting her getting ready, pictures of the dress. Listen, I mean, I'm not here to judge anybody else's clothing. Show your tits if you want to show your tits. If I could show my balls. I don't think anybody would want to see them. But if I could show my balls, if that was appropriate to the place I was going.

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Sexy Can I

457.139

Yes, accentuate my nuts. Lift them up a little bit. Make them feel great. Put them out. Smooth skin and all. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. If they were some wrinkly old white man nuts, then I'd put them out there for the world to see. But that's not my point. My point is, you shouldn't be shaming somebody because of what they're wearing. That is a certain type of emotional abuse.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

476.632

It's subtle, maybe not so subtle. It's... kunning, it's cutting, it's like a death by a thousand paper cuts when you say stuff like that and unfollow your own girlfriend because she's going to have fucking golden globes. Yeah. Shitty thing to do. I think so too. Okay.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

492.861

So then a couple of months ago, Zach writes this post and he just basically states that he's now single, that he's going to take time to, it's been a tough year, I'm going to take time to myself, blah, blah, blah. Brianna claims she didn't know any of this until she woke up to read the post, right? Yeah. So now they've broken up. He has done this publicly on a social media platform.

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Sexy Can I

513.611

She has no idea. She wakes up in the morning to find out, like everybody else did, that Zach is now single.

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Sexy Can I

520.635

Don't ask me. Did they wake up next to each other?

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Sexy Can I

526.619

Don't know. I don't know. I don't get that detail. But I can't imagine that would be pretty weird. If you wake up and there's a note on social media, leave my house, don't forget to feed the cat. Kind of weird. Yeah. Ja, sehr. Listen to this. Some girl goes to college. I think this is in Nashville. Some girl goes to college. Her sister's best friend took a picture.

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Sexy Can I

569.169

That picture shows Zach Bryan laying in a bed in Nashville and there is a woman next to him. Or like a leg of a woman next to him. Not even the picture of the leg. This is my best friend's sister's friend. Posted on social media and through the detective of Reddit or whatever, figures out that Zach was with Chicken Fry when this picture was taken. So now essentially Zach is a cheater.

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Sexy Can I

599.723

He's out there dating other people. Then someone finds a profile on Raya, that fucking website where you have to be famous or have a certain amount of followers in order to Oh, richtig, richtig, richtig. And here's the drama drop. I just made that word up. That's kind of a cool word. I like it. The most recent drama drop is this.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

637.251

Brianna claims that she turned down a $12 million NDA that Zach wanted her to sign not to talk about the relationship. $12 million NDA. Now, shitty thing to unfollow your girlfriend. Shittier thing to find out that your boyfriend is spending the night at some college girl's house in Nashville when you're at the house feeding the cats. Zwölf Millionen Dollar ist eine Menge Scheiß.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

669.81

Ich meine, für eine junge Frau, die Podcasts macht und ein Influencer ist. Ich weiß nicht, welches Geld sie macht, aber ich bin im Podcast-Universum. Lass mich dir das jetzt sagen. Um zwölf Millionen Dollar zu bekommen, um ein Co-Host eines Podcasts zu sein, ist eine ganze Menge Arbeit. Es ist nicht einfach, das zu tun. Ich kenne die Zahlen.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

687.996

Sie funktionieren normalerweise nicht in der Verfügung von jemandem, vor allem von uns. Twelve million dollars is a lot of fucking scratch for a young person, to any person, to have. Twelve million dollars.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

702.628

Yes, shut up and I'll give you twelve million dollars. Sign this NDA and I'll give you twelve million dollars. That's it. And apparently there are other girls who have received similar offers from Zach, right? That, you know, shut up about our relationship and I'll give you a certain amount of money. First of all, I didn't know Zach Bryan was a twelve million dollar expendable kind of famous.

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Sexy Can I

721.681

Das ist viel. Zweitens, 12 Millionen Dollar. Nun, ich will nichts verringern, was Chicken Fry durchgegangen ist, was Brianna durchgegangen ist. Wenn du dich emotional verletzt fühlst, fühlst du dich emotional verletzt. Und ich bin super, ich würde sagen, stolz auf sie, aber ich kenne sie nicht. Es ist schwer, stolz zu sein. Wie ein Papa ist stolz auf seine Tochter. ein Kind oder so etwas.

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Sexy Can I

745.232

Aber ich bin froh, dass sie darüber spricht. Ich bin froh, dass sie diese Emotional Abuse-Taktiken normalisiert, die man in Beziehungen benutzt.

The Commercial Break

Sexy Can I

781.087

She had to think about it. I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship and I've talked about it a lot, right? On the sly. I've never said any names or anything like that. But you know who I'm talking about. Oh, I do. And that almost literally took the last breath of life out of me, that relationship. I would take the 12 million.

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Sexy Can I

799.001

I would take the 12 million dollars and never say another word about it. But I mean, even... Ich meine, ich glaube, wenn du auf so einem Niveau der Ehre bist, musst du vorsichtig sein. Aber du könntest wahrscheinlich immer noch mit deiner Mutter darüber sprechen, oder? Deine Mutter wird nicht jemandem erzählen. Ja. Deine Mutter wird nicht die Geschichte an Tabloiden verkaufen.

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Sexy Can I

814.029

Und wer weiß, vielleicht bekommt Brianna so viel Aufmerksamkeit wegen dieses. Jemand oder sie haben herausgefunden, dass dieses Geld in eine Art oder andere Weise einsteigt. Wie du das 12 Millionen Dollar bekommst. Keep being honest about this whole situation. But wow, that's a lot of scratch. That's a lot of scratch for a dipshit to drop on keeping somebody quiet.

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Sexy Can I

833.918

That's a lot of scratch to turn down. It really is.

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Sexy Can I

839.561

So far, the whole thing about the Golden Globes is the most that I have been able to dig up. But this is a drama drop a day kind of situation. I've been watching it for like two months. When I first saw the whole... It was either a picture or a short video clip of... Zach getting up in the morning and then someone's leg or like a half a boob or something like that.

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Sexy Can I

84.909

I'll tell you when I liked Adam. When he was coming on the Stern Show frequently, he seemed very normal. He had the same problems I had, even though he was fabulously rich and was dating every Victoria's Supermodel ever. And had so many tattoos. When I'm scared to get a peace symbol on my butt.

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Sexy Can I

859.533

It wasn't even particularly clear what was going on. But then I was like, well, who the fuck is Chicken Fry and why do we care? Who cares? Okay, another I did you wrong song. You know what I'm saying? Another famous young man out there doing what famous young men and young women sometimes do.

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Sexy Can I

880.005

No, shit. Fuck, I know a lot of guys who just couldn't keep it in their pants ever for any reason, for anyone. And I know a lot of women that were that way too, by the way. I do know a lot of women. I was friends for a long time with a woman who never once in my entire time with her did I know her to be in any kind of committed relationship.

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Sexy Can I

902.383

And she just said, and she was a lovely person, like she would have made a lovely girlfriend. She would have just been the best wife ever. But she was a girl boss, like a girl girl boss, like really well, very successful. And she, I always was like, why don't you settle down with that handsome young man that you're taking to these wonderful events and going out to the bar?

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Sexy Can I

922.769

And she said, because I can't keep it in my pants. That was just it. She's like, I can't, I can't keep it in my pants. At least she's honest. She was, always. I want the freedom to have sex with whomever I want to or go home and do whatever I want to, whenever I want to. And I don't want to have to answer to anybody ever.

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Sexy Can I

942.034

Damn it, being on Raya. I mean, honestly, you're on Raya. You're on Raya and you don't expect that anybody's going to figure it out. You might as well be on fucking Tinder, because in Tinder you can kind of, you know, there's hundreds of millions of people on Tinder. You can kind of like be in a sea of human beings and no one ever finds out.

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Sexy Can I

960.264

But when you're on Raya, it's made for famous people and other influencers. And they verify that. Like, there's no hiding. You could be Bob and put a picture of like a dog on your Tinder cover, right? And then just put a few obscure pictures of your face. Love country music. Sometimes in Nashville. Hang out at cool bars. You know, just put like general descriptive information about you.

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Sexy Can I

985.831

Und dann könntest du Leute fressen, weil wenn Zach Bryan aufsteht, cool, Mann, erstens, zweitens, wie kommst du einfach auf eine Date, wo jeder weiß, dass du jemanden verabschiedest? Und wie erklärst du das Leuten? Wie, äh, du weißt, kannst du nur diesen einen ruhig halten? Kannst du meinen Arsch zuckern und nur ruhig halten? Wäre das okay? Wie tust du das?

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Bryan, Lord Of The Acid

1367.593

We're out. Yeah.

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Bryan, Lord Of The Acid

1560.441

Hey, Podcast Universe. It's Astrid. While Brian and Chrissy are here messing around in the studio, I am here doing the important work behind the scenes. So who better to tell you where to go than your favorite Venezuelan producer? That's me. First, go to TCBpodcast.com and check out the website I helped design.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, Lord Of The Acid

1577.413

Then hit the contact us button and send us your address to get your free TCB sticker that I also designed. You can text us at 212-433-3TCB and it's likely I'll be the one to respond. And one last favor, follow us on Instagram at thecommercialbreak. It takes me a lot of time to create all those posts.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, Lord Of The Acid

1597.789

You can watch the show at youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak and see how I made Brian and Chrissy look good in that studio. See, Brian, you're not the only one I boss around. And now let's hear from our sponsors while I go back to work.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, Lord Of The Acid

1689.605

Let's see if I can get it to work.

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Bryan, Lord Of The Acid

177.51

If Jeff books me at Mempho to do Lord of the Acid, I am down 100%. Fill my cup up with whatever and just send me out there with a heart monitor. Bootsy Collins and schools from widespread panic.

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Bryan, Lord Of The Acid

1851.062

Special dancing guest star Brian Green. They put me in boots that are like tied to the floor and I'm like... Michael's moving his feet and Brian's moving his arms. Together they are lords of acid. Bagpipes and 15-minute jazz solos.

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Bryan, Lord Of The Acid

1881.799

Yes.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, Lord Of The Acid

1916.191

That's all the doctors will allow.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, Lord Of The Acid

1924.218

Now see the best. You've seen the rest. Now see the chest of Brian wired to a heart monitor. Will he or won't he survive the night? It's a life or death electrifying experience for the same people who bought you fake St. Patrick. Watch Brian drive the imaginary snakes out of the stadium.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, Lord Of The Acid

1988.128

Watch Brian's heart explode.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, Lord Of The Acid

2018.4

Fill my cup up with whatever and just send me out there with a heart monitor. Yeah. Bootsy Collins and schools from widespread panic.

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Bryan, Lord Of The Acid

2096.669

You just hold your boobs and hope they don't show too much.

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Bryan, Lord Of The Acid

2441.301

They were. Yeah.

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Bryan, Lord Of The Acid

2598.741

Fanfic for leprechauns.

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Bryan, Lord Of The Acid

3726.966

What do you think about the Celtic religion? I want to have a conversation about the Celtic religion.

The Commercial Break

Bryan, Lord Of The Acid

3785.697

Why do you think about the Celtic religion?

The Commercial Break

Gift Of Love Made By (a Hairy) Hand!

1013.85

We do love you, Sarah. And that is a fantastic story. And this is a good reminder here on Valentine's Day. That there's no rush. You can just take things at your own pace. I think the kids today, the youngsters, the youths today, they feel like they have to rush and make a decision about who they're going to marry within a day. The people get ghosted. They go on half a date and they get ghosted.

The Commercial Break

Gift Of Love Made By (a Hairy) Hand!

1038.666

They make no decision. Take your time to get to know somebody and then go on a seven-day cruise with them. Listen, this is coming from a guy who literally dragged Astrid to Atlanta within a month of meeting her. That's true. For an entire 10 days away from her friends and family. But that was a situation where we clearly knew, like, there was something in the ethos.

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Gift Of Love Made By (a Hairy) Hand!

1058.072

You had to have had some kind of red flag with Trevor before you went on a cruise. I don't think you just showed up to the cruise and all of a sudden he started throwing red flags.

The Commercial Break

Gift Of Love Made By (a Hairy) Hand!

1067.215

Yeah, I'm assuming this... He's sunburned. He's drunk. He's blaming you. He's trying to play PS3 on the wall, I guess. I'm not sure. He's getting jealous of the cruise direct. Listen, the whole thing just sounds like a shit show. Congratulations on making one really smart choice, and that's breaking up with Trevor.

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Gift Of Love Made By (a Hairy) Hand!

1091.863

Listen, I believe in fate.

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Gift Of Love Made By (a Hairy) Hand!

1093.965

I believe in fate. Everything happens for a reason. And believing in fate is... You're either all in or all out. Think about this for a second. If one thing happens for a reason, every other thing also happens for a reason. It's like you can't be kind of pregnant. You can't kind of believe in fate. So Chrissy might be right about this. Maybe this was just...

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Gift Of Love Made By (a Hairy) Hand!

1111.443

the universe's way of accelerating your knowledge of not wanting to be with trevor trevor was not the guy and listen now having known a few trevors in my life i can totally understand where you're coming from with this they all seem to drink a lot all the trevors that i know seem to drink a lot that's true yeah again this is coming from a guy who drank a lot but you know if it wasn't for children i'd still be 18 bud lights deep by three o'clock in the afternoon most days uh but hey

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Gift Of Love Made By (a Hairy) Hand!

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Sarah, thank you very much for writing in. It was a well-thought-out, well-written email. A-plus marks all around for punctuation and for storytelling and everything. Teacher Professor Brian gives you A-plus. A-plus. In red. In red. Yes. In red to indicate that I could at any time give you less marks. That's right. All right, let's do this. I got a fun game to play here for Valentine's Day.

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Sweet or psycho? Let's make some decisions about the gifts that we could give for Valentine's Day. Are they sweet or are they psycho? We'll be back and we'll talk about it.

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But here's where it got terrible. As I was flipping through the pictures, looking at the photographs, getting myself all excited, I realized that she was not the person taking the photographs. Like, this was before iPhones had that capability. And on one of the photographs, there was a mirror behind her, and you could see the flash and the hand of a man. So I was like, oh, well, thanks.

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All right. So I was in the shower and I was thinking about what can we do something fun for Valentine's Day? And, you know, there's a lot of different things that people talk about on Valentine's Day podcasts like ours talk about on Valentine's Day. But I was thinking about all the gifts that I've gotten over the years from various lovers and of the sort lovers. That's what I like to call them.

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I like to call them lovers.

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Yes, former lovers, former mistresses of the night, if you will, Chrissy. I was known to be a coxswain in my younger years. I saw it. I didn't get laid much, but, you know.

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I got a lot of phone numbers.

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Not real phone numbers. That's right. You were my wing girl. I had a thing. It was a thing. You did. I wasn't like a pickup artist. I certainly wasn't walking home with girls all over my shoulders every single night. You know, I wasn't that guy. But I had a way of wearing you down. You did. Mainly bartenders. I think I've shared this before. By the end of the night.

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Yeah, by the end of the night, it's likely that that bartender wanted a big tip and she was willing to give me a fake phone number in order to get it. But I would I was never a pickup line kind of guy. I never imposed on anybody. I wasn't touchy or, you know, I mean, I would be touchy if I knew you, but I wasn't touchy. Like, you know, I didn't come up and grab women or anything like that.

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I wasn't like a Casanova. I just used my wit and my charm to eventually make you so irritated that you would give me your phone number. Just like here on the commercial break. I make you so irritated. Eventually you subscribe. But that that was my nature. But, you know, some of these ladies, they were very sweet and they would get me a little something on Valentine's Day.

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And occasionally those things were, I took as intended. Sometimes I think that, what is the worst Valentine's Day gift you've ever gotten?

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Yeah. I'm changing thoughts real quick, but I just want, I'm curious about this.

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You can't think of a bad one? Okay.

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I think probably the worst Valentine's Day gift that I got was from a young lady. I think I've told this story before. She just came on a little too strong. And when I say a little too strong, I mean a lot too strong. I came home when we had just started talking and kind of got a little long distance romance. She came into town when I was at work one day.

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I left my apartment door open so she could come there and we could meet to go to dinner. And when I got there, she was naked on my couch, spread eagle. And she was like, let's walk off together. And I was like, whack off together. You just got, I just, this is the first time I've physically seen you in person. I mean, I appreciate the effort, but it felt a little weird. Yeah.

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It felt too soon, too much, too soon. And she gave me a series of pictures in like a flip book that were very graphic. Which was great. Fine. Wonderful. Right. I could appreciate that's a sexy thing to do. I felt like it was a little bit too much for Valentine's Day, given we had only been seeing each other for a month and like kind of even loosely seeing each other for a month.

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But here's where it got terrible. As I was flipping through the pictures, looking at the photographs. getting myself all excited, I realized that she was not the person taking the photographs. Like this was before iPhones had that capability. And on one of the photographs, there was a mirror behind her and you could see the flash and the hand of a man. So I was like, oh, well, thanks.

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These weren't meant for me.

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Yeah, and when I asked her about this, she was like, well, I had taken them with someone else, but I really felt like they were, you know, I could give them to you and you'd make good use of them. I was like, yeah, thanks. I appreciate it. I one time tried to break up with somebody on a Valentine's Day.

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You know who? The first time I tried to break up and I just got like, I don't know what happened. I consider myself pretty slick. And like, you know, I think that I have a good head on my shoulders. I went in there with the full intention of disconnecting this relationship because there were just way too many red flags to ignore early on. We're talking like a month into the relationship.

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And I don't know what happened. It went from let's break up to we fucked. And then we were like, and then like in 15 minutes, it was like. I think it's best if we don't see each other to flipping it around. All of a sudden, we're having sex, and then three years later, I'm breaking up with her again. It was really weird, actually. I don't know.

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There was some kind of magic spell or something that she put on me.

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The hard ones were the hard ones. And Raphael was staying at my house at the time, because I was having a lot of agita about the fact that we were supposed to see each other. It was Valentine's Day. We had been dating for very little time. I do remember.

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It's Valentine's Day. What do you do?

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Yeah. So I decided to do it on Valentine's Day. Well, I got convinced by Raphael. Rafa was like, listen, it doesn't matter what day. No day is a good day. The day after Valentine's Day, the day before Valentine's Day. And I was having a lot of stress about this. I was like, I just don't think it's the right thing to do. And he was like, dude, you're going to see her. You know this is bad news.

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Just be kind and tell her the truth. It's not like you guys have been dating for four years. Like she's expecting something.

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Yeah. No. It's not like you're going to put a ring on her finger and then all of a sudden you break up with her. Just share with her. And we weren't even going out on a date. We were just meeting up after she got off of work. So she comes over to the, you know, we go somewhere. She comes over to the house and I say, hey, listen, this really isn't working out. And then I don't know what happened.

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The rest of the night is a blur. I just remember. She whabammed you.

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Three years missing.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Greene. This is the Casanova. To my salt bae, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

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Congratulations. Things worked out great. Love of your life.

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Some Valentine's Day gifts were just not meant to be given, and some could be considered sweet or psycho, like some nude photographs that were taken by another man. Right. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. All right. So I got a list of these together, and I thought it would be good to make a decision about whether or not these gifts are sweet or psycho. Oh, yeah.

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I love this music. I really...

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This is the dating game. The dating game. This is the dating game. The original dating game. The very one. Okay, you ready? Yes. Sweet or Psycho? A live singing telegram. A live singing telegram. Sweet or Psycho? Weird. Weird. What are they singing? That's true. What are they singing is a good question.

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I think under any circumstances, someone shows up to my door to sing an actual holiday greeting card. Yeah. I'm done.

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I say, no, that's not for me. I guess it depends on how long I've been dating.

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If Astrid sent Dua Lipa. Right. Yeah.

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Best thing ever. Best thing ever.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. And happy Valentine's Day to those who do, to those who partake, to those who believe in love, in romance, in wooing the one you care about. Congratulations to you. I hope you're doing something special for this day. Though Astrid and I do not make a big deal out of Valentine's Day.

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Yeah, let's say this is you've been dating a month. This is not a long-term relationship. No long-term. Because long-term relationships, anything goes.

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It could be funny. It could be sweet.

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And listen, everybody's a little psycho. You know what I'm saying? Everyone's a little psycho.

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Yes, that's right. You know, there's a relationship that's breaking up in my universe, and everyone's acting a little nutty. Oh, right. But everyone acts a little nutty when things get stressful in a relationship. Do you know what I'm saying? Love can make you do stupid shit. We just heard Sarah say it. She went on a three-day, seven-day cruise with a dum-dum, with a PS5 controller and no shirts.

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Trevor. Trevor. Fucker. A very large sculpture made of chocolate of yourself. What? No. Absolutely creepy. Call the police immediately. Yes. And does it melt? Like, I mean, big chocolate things. No, just stay away from big chocolate things. Get real good chocolate, like Godiva's or one of those fancy brands. A boutique, a bouquet of hot dogs instead of flowers. No. Romantic or revolting.

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Unless you really love hot dogs. That's like your thing. I do like hot dogs. I don't think I'm allowed to eat them anymore, but I do like hot dogs. My hypertension won't let me. But I will say, if I'm a big hot dog fan. Yeah.

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It's kind of sweet. It's kind of funny and kind of sweet. A personalized romance novel where your partner is the Casanova, like your partner is the main character.

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Yeah, then you're the person getting fucked, I guess. Like a hot and steamy romance novel made by ChatGPT just for you.

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I agree. I think what might be hot and steamy is just like me. doing the Santa Claus porn reading, which some people liked and some people found revolting, I would say that that might be sexy to get into a bedroom with somebody and start reading some hot porn. Totally. Yeah, get all jizzed up. Hot stories.

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True. Yes. He or she. I can't do that. I'm not physically capable of most things. Missionary, you want to be on top? That's perfect for me. I like that. I like that. I'll sit there and listen. I practice tantra. I can go for five, six, seven straight minutes. And then give me five, six, seven hours and I'll go back for another five, six, seven minutes. Maybe even eight minutes on the second time.

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A little less sensitive. You know how it goes, Chrissy. I don't need to tell you. You and Jeff are over there doing your own romance novel. Yeah. You porn actors and actresses. Let's say someone takes you to a hotel where they have a heart-shaped bathtub jacuzzi.

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I'll allow it. I will allow it.

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Yeah, maybe it's funny. And, you know, they still have these around. They do. Yeah. You know, I think Niagara Falls was, like, famous for inventing this whole bathtub jacuzzi in the room. When Astrid and I went to the Hard Rock in the Dominican Republic, and they had a jacuzzi with a waterfall that came down into the jacuzzi right in the middle of the room. Right in the middle of the room.

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Yeah, I find it to be a hallmark card kind of day. You know what I'm saying?

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It was really strange.

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I was following you.

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Was it sunken into the floor? Yeah. It was?

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It was just sitting on the floor?

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Every day should be Valentine's Day. But I forget most of the days like I do on Valentine's Day. Now that I have daughters, though, I don't forget Valentine's Day. I do believe every woman should get flowers on Valentine's Day. So I make it a point of going to the store, even if it's just the cheapy roses.

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We've had some good times in jacuzzi. Remind me to tell the jacuzzi story about when we went to the mountains with our Russian friend and a couple other people and her friend. Remind me to tell you about that story because the ending is really funny. Anyway, yeah, that was the exact same thing in the Dominican Republic. It was a big jacuzzi in the middle of the room.

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It had a waterfall that would fill up the jacuzzi bathtub with all kind of different lighting scenarios with like a controller on the bed. And I was like, wow. And you know what the, well, I'm not going to, that might be a little too personal. Astrid might not like that. But anyway, we didn't put the jacuzzi to use, but we put the room to good use. Let's put it that way.

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I think we felt a little nervous. You know, who knows who's cleaning those things?

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Who knows? And it's the Dominican Republic, and so no knock on that, but you don't know where the water's coming. You get a little skeeved out. We're germaphobes, basically, is what I'm trying to say.

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A custom perfume made from your partner's pheromones. I would say this. Sure. But, you know, OK, I'll accept it. But I don't think it's the best gift to give a month in. No, no, not a month in. This might be something you do a year in. Do you know what I'm saying?

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A playlist of love songs. But your partner is the one singing them. Cute. Good effort. I'd say A for effort.

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Yeah, that's... Yeah. I agree. I think you've got to be really in love.

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Correct. Totally agree with you.

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And the voice. Uh-huh. True. I'm not going to listen to an hour of Astrid singing. No knock on Astrid singing.

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Perfect. Whatever. Yes. If you're Adele and you're making a playlist for your husband, cool.

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Yeah. A teddy bear that says, I love you, and then also says sexy things in a sexy voice. I say no on this one. I'm declining the bear that talks to me sweetly.

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Yeah, I think that's just... The talking bear. Yeah, that's weird. Yeah, no. Stay away. Let's not go to the fucking Build-A-Bear workshop for yet another event, okay? As a guy who's been to a few Build-A-Bear workshops, I don't think those are for adults. But man, do I see a lot of adults at the Build-A-Bear workshop.

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And I go and I get my daughters some flowers and I give them a little card and a kiss and a hug. And I tell them how beautiful they are and how wonderful they are and how smart they are and how boys... Drill and girls rule. So don't even think about it. There's like a little boy who's on a face. I don't want to get into all the details because my wife hates when I give details about the family.

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Teddy Ruxpin. Yes. Yeah, I had a Teddy Ruxpin.

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Put porn on it. Yes.

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Teddy Ruxpin. Yes. Only after the Internet came along. Right. The Internet fucked us all, just letting you know that. A lock of hair in a locket is call the police type creepy. We don't do this ever. Not 30 years in, you don't do this. What about the blood?

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Or Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox?

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No, I'm not into that either. I mean, I understand some people are into that. But again, if you're literally... I mean, I know that we share fluids when we're in love with someone. I get that. And the DNA is being swapped. But blood is a different level. When you're mixing your blood together, you're pretty much accepting any kind of nefarious activities they've done in their life.

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You know, we can say to ourselves, well, I got a 50-50 shot if I'm sticking my dick in it. But if I am putting blood together, we know it's coming our way if they've got it. A month in, not unless you've been tested. No, thank you.

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Oh, that's right. I was talking about the blood. I was talking about the blood, not the hair.

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Oh, well, no. No hair. No blood. No nothing. How's that? Nothing with your DNA. No, I'm too much of a germaphobe. I don't want it. Nothing in a locket. Don't give me a locket. That's weird. What is it, 1922? Give me one of those digital frames with nude photos of yourself. I'll take that. A scrapbook made of all your text messages from the relationship. No, it's too serious.

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Yeah, stalkery. Yeah, that's just weird. Why are you doing that?

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Yeah, it takes too much time. Anything that takes too much time gets a little weird. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Make it a quick hit. Flowers, In-N-Out. Chocolate from Godiva, In-N-Out. Gift certificate for a massage, In-N-Out. Trust me. Dunkin' Donuts, In-N-Out. In-N-Out Burger, In-N-Out. A star named after... I have done this. I was going to say.

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It is very sweet. Astrid didn't think it was so sweet. She was like, that's just silly. I bought a star for us. It's romantic. We have a star in the third universe of Orion.

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You don't know for sure. Well, there's an international star registry, and you buy it directly from them, and they will name a star, and they will tell you where it is. It is highly unlikely you'll be able to see it with your naked eyes or any telescope that exists on Earth. But it's there. It's somewhere out there.

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And hey, listen, I can appreciate it's not the most exciting gift in the world, but I thought it was cute.

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A hand-knitted piece of clothing.

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I'm not going to say it's psycho. I'm going to say it's probably... No, it's not psycho. Don't waste the time.

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Yeah, if you're crocheting all the time.

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I'm probably not dating a crocheter. I'm just sharing that.

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I do never know. Actually... I do think that one of the girls that I dated was into like crocheting.

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It's coming back. It's very popular.

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Yeah, a beanie, a penis beanie, like a little hat you put over your dick. I like that idea. A peenie. A peenie, that's right. How about you crochet yourself a micro bikini and wear it to bed? That is a, that is something I can get. That's an idea whose time has come. A dinner date on a gondola, but that gondola is at a local mall. No. No, no, no.

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But there's like a little boy who's been showing up on some WhatsApp phone video phone calls attached somewhere to the family. And I feel like there's a little setup going on here. Do you know what I'm saying? Uh-huh. And so I am very upset about this. Now, both of these children aren't even old enough to speak full sentences yet, but I'm very upset. I am very protective already.

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If we're in Vegas, I might even accept a Venetian hotel. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. But that is also a mall. So I am saying.

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I think they have gondolas up there. They do. We took a ride with the entire family. And let me tell you, taking a circle in a dirty pond, not exciting. No matter how hard they try. It's the world's biggest hotel, America's biggest hotel under one roof. in Nashville. And they have a huge body of water in the middle of it. It goes through the entire hotel. All four buildings of it.

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It's just this immense hotel and retail center and all this other water park, all this other shit. And they have these gondolas that ride around. And they even do a little show at night where there's pirates and all this other stuff. So we decide, yeah, let's get on the gondola. We pay $1,000 to get on the gondola and it literally goes in a circle. No good.

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They're trying to be Disney-esque, so they put little characters, but the characters don't move. So they're like, look at the bear in the corner. Ah! No! Even my kids weren't excited. They were like, Daddy, when do we get off this boat? It smells bad. Well, who's that scary pirate? Okay, one more, and then we'll take a break.

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A customized crossword puzzle, but all of the answers are your inside jokes. I think that's cute. Yeah. I think that's cute.

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Yeah, that is A for effort. So I will say that that is good. A crossword puzzle. Anything where you take just a little bit of effort and tailor it to the conversations that you're having. A little inside jokes, little cute names that you give each other. Whatever. Just don't overdo it.

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Don't overdo it. Make it a short crossword puzzle. Okay, let's take a break. And then when we get back, I've got plenty more of these. We'll go through Psycho or Sweet. For romantic purposes. We'll be back.

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Okay, Chrissy and I are here reviewing Valentine's Day's presents and whether they are psycho or sweet. We're making a determination now. We're imagining ourselves into a relationship just a month in. So this is not someone you've been with for a long time. And listen, there are degrees of attraction and seriousness and falling in love like Astrid and I knew pretty immediately.

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I am not ready for any of this. I'm not ready for it. So just give me five to ten decades, and I certainly will consider... allowing my daughters to date another boy. I should be the most important man in their life.

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that we were going to be spending the rest of our lives together with 13 to 15 children, no money, and in a stupid, dumb, never-ending podcast. We knew that pretty early. And Astrid told me last night, she said, you're lucky I've been with you for so long.

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you're lucky I've been with you for so long and I agree I must agree listen I don't there's nobody has spent this much time with me except for my family and trust me by the time I left the house they were ready for me to go so I'm just sharing that I think my twin brother is the only person that spent as much time with me as Astrid and that's because he got a head start you know a nine month head start yeah in the womb that's right the only other person who's been that close Kevin stop sticking your dick in my mouth laughing

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You have to wonder, don't you?

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Is there a penis in the face?

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Kind of weird. Kind of weird. I'm glad that the universe doesn't allow us to remember that part because it was traumatic. They don't even have we don't even have any images of us in the belly because back then they didn't do that unless you were like really in trouble. And then they would then they would use the what do you call it? Ultrasound. That's right. Okay, let's get back to it.

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Psycho or sweet? Yeah, let's play the music. Why not? I do like this music. Okay, some of these get a little silly, so just stick with me here. They're clearly not... There's not anything you would get. A pet that they name after... Something that you both love. Listen, you get me a pet, you are in fucking trouble. After Blue, I want no more pets as gifts.

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No, you don't get a pet after a month. And Astra did actually get me a dog after a month. We went to the pound for my birthday. It wasn't a month in. It was like five months in. And it was sweet, and I did want a dog, but it ultimately became a big responsibility. She was smart. She knew what she was doing. She wanted to keep me off the streets, out of the bars, and away from other women.

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For at least a little longer, for at least a little longer. But then I was reading, and I know this is not Valentine's Day talk, but let me, let's have a conversation. I was reading that now 15 to 17% of women, and a study done across the world, 15 to 17% of girls, excuse me, are getting their periods by the age of nine. Hmm. Nine. Wow. Nine. That's incredible.

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So she gave me a dog, knowing that I would have to come home every couple of hours to take it out. That was smart. Yeah, and probably be too lazy to go back out. So she was right. She was right. A toilet seat with your initials engraved on it.

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No, no, no. No, no, no. You don't even go to the bathroom around someone until you're like a year in. Yeah. It's just a rule. I told you there was a lady who I knew, a mother of a friend of mine as a child. And I'll never forget this dad would have like Playboy and penthouses laying around the house and they would let us read them. And we're only like 12.

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Now that I think about it, it was a really creepy situation. I'm glad I got out of there unscathed, actually. But this mother, they'd always be talking about their relationship or sex. They were just very liberal. They were very open about everything. And she told us once, while we were having breakfast, the father came down and the mother was like, you know, did you get it out?

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And he was like, oh, that was a good one. In other words, he had had a good shit. And she was like, here's the key to a good relationship. Never poop in front of each other. Ever. Never. And I agree with them. Yeah. Even though they were crazy, I agree with them.

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Please don't poop in front of me. Now, when you have kids, you know, sometimes you got to do it. Or if you're sick. Oh, yeah. If you're sick.

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Yeah. I hate being sick. I know. And I hate when other people are sick. I know. A giant puzzle of your first picture together. Okay.

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You know, it's not the best gift in the world, but okay. Yeah. I don't want to have to work to figure out what it is.

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But I do do them with the kids, you know. And I realize just how bad I am at puzzle making when there's like a 10-piece puzzle the size of our entire living room floor and I can't get it right. And I'm scratching my head and my son is doing it quickly and I'm like, oh, that's where that goes. A candle filled with your pheromones. Again, like the perfume, like not a month in.

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I do like candles. I do like candles. Even though apparently they're killing us. Candles are good. I like killing us.

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killing us yeah something about like the essential oils and the candles with the oil in them the smelly oil apparently some guy some scientist on instagram was like these are the worst things you can a scientist on instagram and that's where i get all my information well listen all the other scientists who were actually supposed to tell us what's going on have now been fired from their jobs so i gotta get all my information from robert kennedy f jr whatever his name is uh

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A matching set of pajamas.

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Yeah, I agree. I mean, it's not the creepiest thing ever, but under what circumstances are we going to wear a matching set of pajamas? Unless it's like Christmas time.

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Yeah, wait for Christmas. I agree with you on that. A framed picture.

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of your celebrity crush i like that i like that it lets me know that you don't take this thing too you're not taking yourselves too seriously and that you can appreciate that do a leap as a beautiful woman yeah i appreciate that i like that i'm gonna get asked her to joe jonas shirtless picture for valentine's day that's what i'm gonna do You think it's a little creepy? You don't like it?

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I would. But that's just me. All right. Private chef for the night. Yes! Yeah, that's a good idea. This is 100% legit. A private chef for the night is thoughtful. Oh, yeah. It lets the other one know you care about them.

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It allows the two of you to have a really nice dinner in a setting where you're not huddled up with 7,000 other people paying $999 per plate and you don't even get to choose what you're eating. Valentine's Day is the single worst day of the year besides Easter to go out to eat. Mother's Day, Easter, Valentine's Day.

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That is crazy. You can get pregnant at nine? I mean, I know that there have been random cases of this happening. But, you know, they're saying that all the antibiotics and the steroids that they put in the food and the plastics in our brain and all this shit is causing girls to go into puberty much earlier.

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If you take somebody out to eat on those days, you're telling them you really don't give a shit about them because it's going to be fucking miserable. Okay. That's all I got to say. Having worked in the industry for a very long time. A custom bobblehead of both of you. That's cute.

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That's cute. I like that.

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Yes. A full PowerPoint presentation pointing out why the two of you were made for each other.

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Straight up conspiracy level weird. Yeah, I don't trust you if you do that. You've spent way too much time a month in thinking about why we're good for each other.

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Well, listen, if you're giving me a lap dance at the same time, maybe. Maybe. A romantic scavenger hunt.

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That's good. I like that. Don't make it too creepy, you know? Keep it on the lighter side of things. Of course. But I do like that, where it ends with, like, you know, I don't know, a ticket to your favorite band. A heart shape.

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Yeah, that's right. Or a couples therapy session. The whole month with the whole month.

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A coupon book for romantic or sexual favors. I've heard of this. I like that. I like that. I've done this, actually. I have, too. I've done this one. Yeah. They haven't been cashed in yet, but they're past their expiration date, so don't even think about it, Astrid. A heart-shaped pinata full of your favorite candies. Hi. I don't want to work that hard for the candy. Just give me the candy.

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Yeah. And where are we going to put a pinata? And now I got to hang it up and clean it up. No, thanks.

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We've done this, actually. I've said that.

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In Venezuela, every birthday party comes with a pinata. It doesn't matter if you're 5 or 55.

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Like, by hand.

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Yes. Okay, an Astrid pinata, yes. Because she makes them Lilo and Stitch, Mickey Mouse, Louis.

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And if you look at some of these guys, if you look at some of these kids today that are in high schools, guys and girls, they're full-grown adults.

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I know. It's crazy.

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Me too. Me too. And kids love them. Oh, yeah. And she's done them for me for my birthday, full of, you know, adult things. And, you know, I don't need to get into all the details. But a month in, eh. And if you're buying it from a store, skip it. I'm not interested in it. A tattoo of your anniversary date or your name. Never, never, never. No, no, no.

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I'm 99,000% sure I am never willingly going to date another woman or have another wife. And I still wouldn't get Astrid tattooed on my body because it's a dumb idea. Never get anything relationship-related tattooed on your body.

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They were saying anniversary date or your name.

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Maybe. I think you're tempting fate.

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No, hell no. But like 10 years in? Okay, I can understand that maybe now you feel... Committed. I'm starting to feel committed to Astrid after 10 years in.

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They look that way. I understand they're not like in their brain, but they physically appear to be adults. And that is scary because I have kids and I, you know, as long as they can stay kids, little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes.

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A pet goldfish. No on the pets. Just no on the pets.

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That's a responsibility. The goldfish is going to die in 10 days. Yeah, and then I've got to flush it down the toilet, and I'm going to be sad.

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A bouquet of roses, very simple and straightforward. We can all agree I think this is one that, yeah, sure. It's almost obligatory. You've got to get flowers on Valentine's Day. And I know not everybody likes flowers. And some people are allergic. You know, there's lots of different reasons why you wouldn't get flowers. But I think flowers are just a standard gift. It's something you should do.

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Oh, he did? That's a very sweet gift, Jeff. Can you buy one for Astrid? Love Brian on the note. Thanks. I appreciate it, Joe. A custom printed shower curtain with a full size U on it. No. No. No. That's weird. First of all, shower curtains are gross. Get rid of the shower curtains. Or change them out once a month.

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Because shower curtains are breeding grounds for all kind of like syphilis type B. I'm not sure. I don't know. But I've had some shower curtains in my life where I've been so poor in my life. that it was really between heat and a new shower curtain, and I went with the shower curtain because I was so skeeved out by what was growing on the bottom of it. Those shower curtains, they always get gross.

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They can get gross. A jar of pickles with a love note inside. I don't even know why we would do this, but okay. Not the worst gift in the world.

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Oh, you have?

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Okay, if you're a pickle lover.

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Yeah, sure. Part of like a gift basket. Yeah, if you got me like a gift basket of hot sauces, because you know I like hot sauces, I could appreciate that. Uh... Let's see here. No, not that. Don't make me say that because that's kind of gross. A personalized ASMR recording. I like this. I think this is kind of funny. It's creepy, but it's funny.

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Yeah. If it was like you making sexual noises and really whispered tones, then I could see why that would be funny, cute, and maybe arousing at times for sure. Let's see. A simple love letter expressing your love. Of course. Of course. That's welcome anytime. Anytime. I mean, not a weekend, but a month in, then you're getting into love.

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I used to send Astrid lengthy texts about the stars and the moon and all this other stuff.

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Yes, that's right. A subscription to a dating app just in case. That's pretty funny, actually.

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I just want to enjoy the time. I don't want to have to worry about, you know, and listen, I'm raising them correctly. They can handle themselves. They have autonomy. I'm not here to play helicopter dad. But when it comes to the girls, I still, I think I'm a little old fashioned. Like I never, if you took me to a beach 20 years ago, right?

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Yeah, that's a no, but I like it. A framed... Well, we already talked about this. a chocolate bar that has your very first text message exchange engraved in it. I think that's cute. I'll accept it. I'll accept it. I won't call this a total red flag. I'll say it's like a mini red flag. But I think it's cute.

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A heart-shaped balloon. Yeah, okay, but you don't need to get it, but all right. A love poem written entirely in emojis. No? Yeah, I mean, whatever. Okay, cool. But don't bother. Like, I don't need to see emojis. Yeah.

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Okay, and finally, a romantic dinner for two, but at a food truck stand. No, there's no such thing as a romantic dinner for two at a food truck stand, unless you guys are just really into food trucks.

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That's true. And there used to be a food truck park here. Now it's a big apartment complex, because of course it was always going to be, right? It was always going to be. We're just waiting for the right guy to pay enough money to go. But there was a food truck park and they did do something on Valentine's Day where they only let in a certain amount of people. They had candles on the tables.

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They would get a free glass of wine or whatever. If you're into that kind of thing, if you're young and that's cool and it's a hip place to go, then I can totally, totally, totally understand. But listen, there's some good examples in here and there's some bad examples in here. Let me share with you a few things, a few opinions of mine. Number one...

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You do not break up with anybody on Valentine's Day because it's unlikely you'll be able to actually follow through on it if you have any kind of heart. Number two, make sure the photographs you're taking for your loved one are taken by you and you alone because that's an important thing. And certainly don't show someone else's hand in the photograph. That was the dumbest thing. That's funny.

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That was the dumbest thing. And absolutely no thank you on the singing quartet showing up to giving you a card. Unless it's naked, do a lipa. That is it. For sure. All right. There you go. Happy Valentine's Day to all the lovers and otherwise. And if you're alone today on Valentine's Day, don't worry about it. If you're choosing that, you're choosing yourself. Happy Valentine's Day to you.

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Yeah, love yourself. That's all you got to do. I've spent many more Valentine's Day alone than I have with somebody. And so it's not all bad. Yeah, no. Think about it this way. You don't have to go spend a bunch of money on a meal you're probably not going to enjoy. You don't have to buy anything for anybody except for yourself.

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Yes. And there are always, like, movie marathons on some cable channel that have nothing to do with rom-coms or romance. You can find it. Get into yourself. Fuck yourself. That's what I'm trying to say.

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I would have oohed and aahed at all of the girls in the bikinis. I would have.

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Fuck yourself. Clap your own cheeks. That's right.

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Spank your own ass. 21 EPMs, whatever you need to do. Remember to get those 21 EPMs in, kids. That's really important. Check your tits. Check your balls. Jizz a lot. investigate your own body, make sure it feels good and it feels right. Find your G spot. That's what I'm trying to say on this Valentine's day. Find your G spot. Then it doesn't matter what somebody gets you.

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You'll always be able to get yourself off. Okay. A romantic words of romantic wisdom from one whacker offer to another whacker offer. Right, Chrissy? That's right. I'm glad you agree with me. She always agrees with me. That's what she does. Except for Starlink, okay? I don't like Starlink. All right? But then I saw a video.

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I like to watch those people sailing across the ocean by themselves or with their family or whatever. And guess what? Starlink. And then I thought, okay, Starlink.

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Yes, your pool.

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We need to be careful because that's the only thing we got left is that sky. And it's already junked up. And now we got 50,000 other pieces of junk flying up there with no idea when they're coming down or how we're going to get around them or anything. I can't even believe we can send a spaceship up anymore. But whatever we're doing now these days because it's all junk.

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Yes. Bikini girl. Bikini girl. Thong girl. Thong girl. That's right. Thong girl. Thong girl. The love that never was. The love that was never meant to be because Brian was 26 Bud Lights in and missed the phone call. Okay. I get it. But she had a thong on. We're talking like 15 years ago at a time when the bathing suits weren't as cheeky as they are now.

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You get it. All right. Ari Shaffir's episode was great. We're on tour and his brand new special, America's Sweetheart, at the commercial break on Instagram, youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak and 212-433-3TCB. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, or leave a message to be on the next episode of TCB. All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now.

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But I do love you this Valentine's Day.

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P.D. I haven't.

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Certainly, there was ass hanging out in a lot of places. pools across the country, especially the apartment pools where the young kids live. But this girl was wearing a straight up micro bikini, a string up her butt. And she was beautiful. And I was all about it. I couldn't get away from it, actually.

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And so I found my I managed to maneuver my way over the course of an afternoon and 30 Bud Lights into her orbit. Orbit. And we connected and then she, I missed the phone call. I just missed the phone call. She said she was going to meet us. She called. I didn't answer. But anyway, that to me was, now I look at these string bikinis in a totally different way.

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I do not look at them like, oh, wow, that woman is attractive. I look at it like, please don't let my daughter pick that bikini to wear under any circumstances.

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Oh, I know she will. It has happened to us. Astrid keeps warning me. She's like, Brian, they're going to do it regardless if you tell them not to. And the more that you tell them not to, the more they're going to want to do it. That's right. I did it. My friends did it. My cousins did it. And that's just the way it is these days. Asses are hanging out. You're going to have to deal with it.

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Take me back. Calgon, take me away. Take me back to the time when I didn't have to worry about this shit.

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Okay. All right. Well, anyway, it's a day for romance and love here on the commercial break. We don't want to let the Valentine's Day go without talking a little bit about relationships. Yes. Romance and love and breakups and all the other things that come with it. So...

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I have a story that I have been saving when we have been talking about the cruising and the potential TCB cruise, unofficial TCB cruise on the Margaritaville cruise ship. And by the way, people texted in. They were like, we're in. We're in. And so, I mean, I know we're not really good at following through on anything outside of this studio and barely anything inside the studio.

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But we have to give some serious consideration to taking just like a two-day cruise, three-day cruise on a Margaritaville ship where we do an unofficial TCB cruise. Now, so we've been talking about the cruise ships a lot lately. From the incidents and accidents to, you know, bringing your loved one on the cruises and all about the cruise lines.

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From the Ritz-Carlton to the Margaritaville cruise ships. We've been having a lot of discussion about this on the show. And I got a story for you.

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Oh, God, that just brings back memories, doesn't it? Oh, yeah. Do you know what song this is? Okay, hang tight. Here it comes. It's the lengthy version. It's the live version. Love. Exciting and new. Oh, yeah. Bring it back. My boy. I'm expecting you. And love. I mean, this is so diner. This is not even fun. This is so Holiday Inn. Yes. Fuzzy 70s. Yacht Rock. I just love it. All right.

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You ready for a story? I am. This is from Sarah, not indicating where she's from, but the Midwest. And she has really thought this one out. She has done a well-written, great punctuation, perfect capitalization, lots of bold letters. Here we go. You ready? I'm ready. The subject is My Horrible... hilarious cruise romance.

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Hey, Brian and Chrissy, I've finally done something so dumb, I think it qualifies to write into the show. I love you guys. I've been listening forever, and this is my first, but probably not last, cautionary tale. A few years ago, I made the mistake of going on a seven-day cruise with a guy I had only been dating for three months. Three months! Three months!

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And welcome back to WSHIT. Each year on Valentine's Day, as a public service to the community of Crabapple, WSHIT provides airtime for the Crabapple Middle School students to say a few nice Valentine's Day words to their teachers. Next up is Billy. He's in 6th grade, and here's his Valentine's Day video message to Mrs. Briona.

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My opinion. Just my opinion, Sarah. You need to be at like six months to do a full seven days.

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Do a long weekend. A long weekend. At a hotel where you can get away if you need to. You know what I'm saying? So we go on this seven-day cruise, three, not three years, not even six months, three months. Let's call this guy Trevor because, honestly, if you hear the story and picture him as a Trevor, it just makes more sense. I love that. Now, I know what you're thinking. Why?

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Why would you trap yourself in the middle of an ocean with a near stranger for seven days? And to that I say, love makes you do stupid shit. It does.

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Okay, when Trevor first suggested the trip, I thought, wow, how romantic. I pictured Titanic-level romance, minus the iceberg. Cute dinners, holding hands on the deck, maybe a towel animal or two, but what I actually got was a nonstop floating nightmare. Okay, this is where we get into bullet points, so follow me here. Red flag number one, the packing disaster.

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The night before the trip, I casually asked, hey, you got everything you need? Passport, sunscreen, normal human clothes? And Trevor waved me off as if I was nagging him. Fast forward to the cruise terminal. He unzips his suitcase and reveals three pairs of swim trunks, but no shirts. One pair of flip-flops that he planned to wear everywhere, including the formal nights. A PS5 controller.

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Does anyone have Billy's parents' phone number?

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A single travel-sized bottle of 3-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. No sunscreen. And when I pointed this out, he scoffed, I don't sunburn. And y'all, he was blonde and practically translucent.

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Red flag numero dos.

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A PS5 controller. But she notes here, there was no PS5 anywhere on the boat. Why would you bring a controller if there's no PS5? Maybe wishful thinking, I guess. I don't know. Just in case. Yeah, this is the Margaritaville cruise ship. What do we got going on here? You think they're going to give you a PS5 there? They don't even do that on Disney where you pay $20,000 for a one-day cruise.

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Red flag number two. He got wasted before we even left the dock. Yeah, well, now. Listen, as a former heavy drinker, I can share with you that oftentimes I was wasted before I even got out of bed, okay? So I'm not going to knock the guy until I hear the entire story. When you're on vacation.

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Gift Of Love Made By (a Hairy) Hand!

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I think Billy has said enough, don't you?

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Gift Of Love Made By (a Hairy) Hand!

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Yeah, it's not a red flag. It's a yellow flag. Let's say that. And if you're not drinking with him, maybe that's inches into a darker yellow flag, but it's certainly not a full red flag. Not in my opinion. The second we boarded, Trevor sprinted toward the nearest bar like he was an Olympic athlete in the 100 meter, 100 meter pina colada dash.

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The man immediately started abusing the unlimited drinks package. Which, I might add, he lost. That night, I thought, OK, fine. He's just excited. We're on vacation. Let him live. I had no idea that this was just a preview of the chaos ahead. Red flag three, the great buffet meltdown. On day three, Trevor woke up hangry and not so cute. He said, I need a little snack.

The Commercial Break

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Okay, Jim in control room, let's go ahead and cut it. I hope you enjoy watching this baby girl. Oh dear.

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That's the kind of hangry he was. But he was throwing a full blown toddler tantrum. So we hit the buffet. He stacked his plate like he was preparing for the apocalypse. I mean, waffles, bacon, lasagna, shrimp cocktails, sushi, bread rolls. Yeah, that's a great thing about a cruise ship, too. This is a yellow flag again, but putting it all together, I see where you're going with this.

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He put it all on one plate. He gets back to the table, takes two steps backwards... and drops the entire plate on the floor. Here's where it gets weird. Trevor just stood there, frozen, staring at the floor like he had witnessed a murder. Meanwhile, the staff and I are frantically trying to clean up what he just did. What was I supposed to do? What was he supposed to do?

The Commercial Break

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Turn around and then he just leaves. What? Just walked away. No apology, no explanation. Like the buffet was now haunted and he could never return. Red flag number four, he got jealous of the cruise director.

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That night, we went to a comedy show, and the cruise director, a very nice married man, a 50-something dad, I assume, whose job is literally to entertain people, made a joke, and when I laughed a little too hard, Trevor got weird. Trevor did not like this. He got quiet, sulky, and when I asked what was wrong, he muttered, well, if you think he's so funny, maybe you should date him instead.

The Commercial Break

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I had to sit there and explain to a grown man that I was not planning to run away with the cruise director, sir. This man announces shuffleboard tournaments. Please calm yourself down. That leads to red flag number five. He lost his wallet and somehow blamed me. On the last day, Trevor lost his wallet. Now... Wait, now was I there when he lost it? No. Oh, now was I there when he lost it?

The Commercial Break

Gift Of Love Made By (a Hairy) Hand!

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Well, it seems like Billy's got a growing affection for his teacher. We'll make sure Billy gets an ankle monitor, and then we'll be back to this episode of The Commercial Break.

The Commercial Break

Gift Of Love Made By (a Hairy) Hand!

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No, I was not. Had I touched his wallet at any point? No, but that did not stop him from accusing me of misplacing it. I absolutely did not. For an hour, he stomped around the cabin, flipping over couch cushions, shaking his already empty suitcase, and letting out deep, dramatic sighs. He even interrogated me like I was on trial. Trevor said, are you sure you didn't move it?

The Commercial Break

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I said, I literally don't know what your wallet looks like. Trevor, yeah, but sometimes you misorganize stuff, don't you? Me, have we ever organized anything together? No. Finally, he checked his pocket where his wallet had been the entire time. After an hour of blaming me, I was officially over it. I broke up with him before we even got through the cruise terminal.

The Commercial Break

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Moral of the story, do not go on a cruise with someone you just started dating unless you're fully prepared to either marry them or toss them overboard as if you were on a carnival cruise. I love you guys. Thank you for the many years of laughter. And thank you for the free therapy, Sarah from the Midwest.

The Commercial Break

12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

0.789

3.000 Action-Filialen in Europa und wir feiern mit extrem niedrigen Preisen. Zum Beispiel unsere Superfin-Waschmittelpots, 18 Stück nur 2,99 Euro. Und unsere Spektrum-Sprühfarbe für perfekte Deckung nur 2,33 Euro. Für noch mehr extrem niedrige Preise besuche unsere Filialen oder schau in die App Action. Kleine Preise, große Freude.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

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Yeah, we're right there together.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

1125.288

Yeah, based out of Memphis. They do a lot of good.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

1167.026

Es gab nur eine Rennstrecke, als ich in Memphis war, dieses letzte Wochenende.

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They were a great couple.

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a lot of good ones.

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Oh, das ist richtig, Steve-O.

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We tried to send him a pillow.

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Oh, the worst interview that we did. Well, it might have started off with Reggie Watts. in the beginning. Yeah, I don't disagree. You know, because we didn't really know how to take him and we heard some things, I guess maybe from other, read some things.

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But it turned into being one of the best. One of the best, yeah. And then he came back.

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1757.202

Es war unser Gespräch über Drogen.

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177.34

It's fantastic.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

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And he was a sweetheart then. He ended up sending us a case of the special drink.

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Well, yeah. Go ahead.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

1834.903

Okay, go next.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

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Because Brad Williams launched into a whole 45 minutes. I don't think we got much in.

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Very interesting.

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1960.622

No, she was like laying down, I think. She was laying down, petting her doll.

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Yeah, I wasn't here for that.

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It had to be a little intimidating, too.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

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I mean, what are you going to get with Steve-O?

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That's hard to narrow down.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

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I love Tom Papas.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

2152.619

He was really good. I loved Hannah Berner. I loved Natasha Lejaro. Lejaro.

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2160.424

Oh, ich meine, Heather McMahon.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

2287.788

Ich war so lange ein Fan.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

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Ich denke, ja.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

2304.659

Es betrifft Brot. Er bricht Brot.

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2365.988

Yeah, I think so too.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

247.544

Maybe there's been build up for you because everybody's been saying how great it is and it's fantastic. And then now you have these huge expectations.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

2483.95

Yeah, okay. Like, you ever seen those? I've seen those. Because it looks like the fire of all my food channels.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

257.07

So give it some time.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

2602.063

I have, yeah.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

2606.206

I mean, it's kind of like a cider type thing.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

274.397

It's been so long since I watched that first season. I can't even remember the bear in the cage now.

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7.10, 7.20, 7.30.

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As soon as it gets dark.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

2844.642

I think you need to talk to your old friend, the politician. The mayor? Your child's school.

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2871.619

Oh, ich denke, wir sind auf der gleichen Seite. Wahrscheinlich. Wenn ich sage, Neil Brennan.

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Not any shade on Neil.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

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He just turned out to be the exact same person, which I had watched his special, which is hilarious.

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Fucking hilarious.

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It's hilarious. But it's also hilarious because of the way that his delivery is and the way he's so cynical.

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And he turned out to be that exact same way for the interview.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

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Fill me back in on that one.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

3013.727

Er ist auch der jüngste von zehn Kindern oder so, und er hat viel Trauma in seinem Leben, von dem er schon viel gesprochen hat. Das ist sein Ding.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

3027.054

Ich denke, das ist ein Teil dessen, dass er versucht, sich selbst zu kümmern. Du ketamine, ayahuasca, all of those kinds of things to look inside and get past this trauma that he has. But yeah, it was kind of like pulling teeth.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

3097.332

Ich will nicht sagen, dass... Aber sein Spezial ist furchtbar.

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I think that's just his personality.

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Das öffnet Türen.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

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Ich bin sehr überrascht von einigen von ihnen.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

3385.888

Seine neue Show ist eigentlich gut. Es ist lustig.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

3407.342

Yeah, she really is.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

3408.903

She's attending Madonna concerts with Paris Hilton and all these guys.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

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Ja, sie ist wie ihr eigener Charakter. Ich meine, erinnere dich, sie war in den funkigen Gläser. Sie hat einfach diese Art von Brasch.

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We'll see what happens.

The Commercial Break

12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

3479.013

We do need content.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

3535.151

Yeah, Des offered himself.

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356.361

No, there's been exposés on these like really, you know, high-end restaurants, how the main chef is just awful.

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368.843

Yeah, it gets extreme.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

418.0

But you've read an expose where these chefs are... Yeah, no, I mean, Anthony Bourdain's book, you know, that came out, Kitchen Confidential, talked a lot about it too. So it's kind of a thing. And I think there was a backlash, I think there's been a backlash from all of that talk.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

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Oh Gott, I know. It was fun. It was a lot of fun. We went to Billy Strings on Friday night.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

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Billy Strings was really good. I had not been to just a straight Billy Strings concert.

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I had seen him.

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I have not been to that one either.

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Ich habe ihn bei Festivals gesehen. Ja, ich auch. Und er ist großartig. Aber ja, das Show war großartig. Das Lichtshow war wirklich unglaublich und die Visuals, die sie dort hatten, waren viel anders als ich erwartet hätte. Ich glaube, es waren fünf oder sechs Leute auf der Bühne. Fünf Musiker? Okay. Yeah, and it was good. It was something that I didn't expect.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

508.877

It definitely had kind of a fish, widespread panicky type vibe to it. So that was... That was interesting and good.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

517.387

Bluegrass isn't my favorite go-to genre of music.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

523.935

Yeah, I can appreciate it though. Where did he play? He was in Memphis at the FedEx Forum. So big arena for two nights.

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579.929

I agree, I agree. So I encourage people to check him out.

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587.667

Yeah, of course. I got handed a double tequila right when I first got there.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

595.972

There seemed to be.

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598.353

Well, we didn't go to the Shakedown Street.

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601.695

There might be string heads.

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I think there's definitely a bass that is following him around.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

652.617

I mean, how long has it been going on for?

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

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Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Greene, this is the Jingle to my Jungle. Chris and Joy, holy best to you, Chris.

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Best to you, Brian.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

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Die Gemeinschaft von Leuten, die darüber sprechen.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe, welcome to the first annual, the inaugural... 12 Tage TCB, fühlst du dich nicht privilegiert und speziell?

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

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Connecting with the fans.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

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Oder irgendwas.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

878.472

I do know that he's sober, so he's not doing cocaine and all that.

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12 Days Of TCB: Drama Drops & Yule Logs

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No, it was a great concert. Today is the very first time I've ever heard the name Billy Strings.

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95.083

Das ist seine feste Shirt mit einem Beutel.

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950.753

I guess you've been introduced to a lot of them.

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Everyone Hide!! Bryan's Mom Knows!

1004.553

They have the shittiest prizes. I know. They're like, a new car from 2019, a Hyundai Electron.

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Everyone Hide!! Bryan's Mom Knows!

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The Hyundai Electron has been discontinued, but it's new to you right now. How much does it cost? Pick the four numbers. Three, five, zero, zero. That's correct. And you have to pay $7,000 in taxes to bring it home.

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Everyone Hide!! Bryan's Mom Knows!

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I was watching him do a game, and it was like the lady was about to win a new car, which wasn't a particularly fancy car, but okay, a car is a car. You win a car. And she has to pick the number. They give her the middle number, and then there's four other numbers, two and two. She has to pick the first two. She has to pick the last two. She gets four chances to do this.

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And she's picking a number. She's like, 75. And he's like, that's the year I graduated high school. Like, really mundane, innate conversation that's not particularly funny but not particularly offensive. He's using his improv skills to no good. But I will share that this is the job. This is the way you want to go. Be that guy. Or Elizabeth Banks on No Whammies. What's that show? Press Your Luck?

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106.52

My mom left Astrid a message, which was embedded into the beginning of the show. The clips that we do, the bits at the beginning. That was that I cut up and embedded into the show where my mom explained to Astrid that the girls at the table had been wondering for a while how they where where was the show? How could they find it? Where was it?

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Everyone Hide!! Bryan's Mom Knows!

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Mm-hmm. Press your luck. That's what I want to do. Press your luck. Wheel of Fortune. Not Jeopardy. I'm not smart enough for that. I know those Jeopardy people are pretty picky about who they want leading that charge, and Brian's not going to fit that bill.

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But any of those other ones where it's like dumb games that anybody can play, the everyman game, I would be, I think, an excellent candidate for that.

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Everyone Hide!! Bryan's Mom Knows!

1109.093

Smoking weed, getting drunk and spinning the wheel, having contests. Does it make that noise when you're not on TV? Does someone have to flick a button to make that noise? I would be curious about all of it. I listened to somebody was talking to Vanna White's brother, who briefly, briefly had a late night talk show in the 90s.

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1136

So listen to this. He's trying to sell the show. Right. And he is a coked out drunk. And he admitted this is something he said, not something I'm assuming. This is something he said. I had a problem with drugs. I had a problem with alcohol. Right. And so he got some famous people to show up in his backyard. He built a set in his backyard. So it's outdoors. He's doing a monologue.

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I've never heard something less funny unless it was an episode of the commercial break. Never, never. It sounds like our first three episodes. It's just terrible, terrible. He's running around Hollywood trying to sell this like everybody was back in the 90s. Everyone wanted a talk show. So through this thing I was listening to, this podcast I was listening to, I found a link on YouTube.

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I watched it. It's some of the worst television I've ever seen. But the host asked, and I can't remember which podcast this was, right? Shout it out. The host asked Vanna White's brother, hey, how many times have you been to the set? A hundred? More than a hundred? He says, oh, probably a hundred, maybe a little bit more.

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How many times did you spin the wheel? I never spun the wheel. He said, you never took a spin on the wheel. He's like, you know, honestly, I never thought about it. And it's like, isn't that the first thing you would think about doing? Right? You go to press your luck. You want to see a whammy. You want to hit that button. You go to Wheel of Fortune. You want to spin it.

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Just watching it, you can almost tell how heavy it is, how you would spin it, what manner you would spin it.

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Everyone Hide!! Bryan's Mom Knows!

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Yeah, just watching it, I have some spatial awareness about how I think I would spin those two wheels. The Price is Right wheel and the Wheel of Fortune wheel. But anyway, whatever. We're getting way off base here. Listen. Today, Chrissy and I are on vacation, meaning when you're listening to this, we are on vacation. So we are not talking about anything too timely or topical.

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And so even though I've never given my mom the name of the – I mean, she must know the commercial breaks a name because the kids even say it. But I've never given her any directions on how to find it because, quite frankly, I don't need her to find it. I don't need my mom to listen to the show. I can tell her what we're doing. I don't need her to listen to the show.

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Everyone Hide!! Bryan's Mom Knows!

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We are just going to give you the goods. We had a nice young gentleman, and I mean young gentleman. He admits he's a kid. And I said, I don't want to get in trouble for texting a kid. So, you know, I hope you're at. So don't say anything that could get me in trouble.

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His name is Kylan. He had to tell me how to say it. I want to make sure I got it right. His name is Kylan. He texted and he said, hey, is this TCB? Let me share with you this string of text messages. I like that name, by the way, Colin. Yeah, it's a cool name. It says, is this commercial break? Anyway, if it is, I'm craving more Mountain Monsters, Frankie B., or also more pickup artists.

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Everyone Hide!! Bryan's Mom Knows!

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And I said, yeah, this is TCB. It's been almost nine months since Frankie did a video where I do more Mountain Monsters. I'll get you one out the door soon. And he says, this is Kylan, but it says my mom's name because it's my mom's account. Now, at first I thought, you know, it's 2025. There's a lot of 30-year-olds who are still using their mom's phone account, right?

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Everyone Hide!! Bryan's Mom Knows!

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I just – and no judgment there. I just –

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Everyone Hide!! Bryan's Mom Knows!

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That's right. But then he explains, I said, and he goes, feel free to use my name if you want to on air. I said, yeah, of course, I'll shout you out, but you got to give me some more information about you. What do you do? What's your thing? And he goes, well, does school count as a job? I'm just a kid. Yeah. And I was like, so I go automatically into dad mode. And I'm like, what did I say to him?

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I go, school's definitely your job. Get through at least high school. And then the world is your oyster. You can do whatever you do. You do whatever you want. Choose your own adventure. Do I sound like your dad yet? I mean, I'm on like dad mode right now. So Kylan says, pickup artist Mountain Monsters or Frankie B?

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Everyone Hide!! Bryan's Mom Knows!

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Well, there's no more Frankie B. I haven't found any new Frankie B information that we haven't already done. There's one or two videos out there. I'm keeping them in my back pocket for a rainy day. Mountain Monsters, we just did. But I have been saving something for just this occasion for when someone asks, can you do a pickup artist? And we'll get to it after this.

The Commercial Break

Everyone Hide!! Bryan's Mom Knows!

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Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large.

The Commercial Break

Everyone Hide!! Bryan's Mom Knows!

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And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules.

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Okay, Mom. Talk to you later.

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They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything. You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Serea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. The 21 Convention has brought us some of our most illustrious content, Chrissy.

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It's a deep pool of douchebaggery. That's well said, my friend. The 21 Convention is a short-lived convention that would happen in Orlando every year to showcase the world's— The best and the brightest. Yes, the smallest penises available to the women in the general Orlando area.

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And if you were female, you'd probably want to be out of the Orlando area when the 21 convention was going on because it was just pickup artists. And then it turned MAGA for a while there. It seemed like all they wanted to do was promote this new version of masculinity. Fine, if you're into that, cool. Yeah.

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Okay, mom. Talk to you later. She told Astrid that the girls at the table had been wondering how they found the show. How would they listen to the show? And then they Googled my name and found it. And then my mom leaves in the message that they also found out that we were the top podcast in our area. That's how my mom said it.

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But one of the guys who we've been following long, I think, before we found 21 Convention was Adam the Lion. Adam the Liar. Lions.

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We called him the liar.

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Now, he has reinvented himself many times. He's been an SEO expert, a social media expert. He's been a branding expert. He's been a pickup artist. He was a polyamory artist. Yeah. He was sleeping with and he had a thruple going on there for a while. He reinvented himself as a life coach. This is the opposite of whatever Ryan Seacrest did. Adam, the liar. He followed the opposite path.

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He decided to be as unfamily friendly and non-consistent as possible. And you got to give the guy credit. At least he's trying. He's desperately trying to follow the trends. Usually three steps behind. Can't fault him for that. So is the commercial break.

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Yeah. But he's just one of these characters that you can't get enough of. I can't get enough of like Frankie B or Teresa Caputo. Adam has a soft spot in my heart because he is such an idiot. I mean, honestly, that's the only way to say it. He's such an idiot. Adam for the 21 convention.

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Apparently years ago, he had produced, I think this is like a biopic produced and directed by Adam Lyons himself. And they posted it on the 21 Convention website years ago. This looks like it was made 10 or 15 years ago because Adam is, he just looks very young in this. And his hair is pink and I don't even know. But... This is not a documentary, despite what Adam may call it.

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It's not a document.

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No, it's not like the new Dylan biopic starring Timothee Chalamet. Adam here is a, I don't know, a student pickup artist. Use caution. He is trying to... You can't just film yourself and call it a documentary. That doesn't make much sense. I was watching The Last Waltz last night. I couldn't sleep.

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It's one of the best documentaries ever made. Certainly the best music documentary, maybe the best music film ever made. But it was filmed by one of the best directors of all time and produced by Bill Graham and a bunch of others. This wasn't like the band got together and decided to film themselves and put it out, which they could have done. But you can't call that a documentary.

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Just call that I just filmed myself. You know what I'm saying? Anyway, I don't want to get into the minutia of what we're calling it. I just want to hear what he has to say. Now, I've watched very little of this. So we're going to go on this journey together.

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Yeah, cold. That's how I like to do it here at the commercial break. Raw dog, Adam Lyons.

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And you have tried them all, my friend. Where, are you a peacock? Is that, is he a cockatoo? He's in a tropical location somewhere, probably the villages in Florida. Where Chrissy and I are going to retire.

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It looks like a Margaritaville. But he fits right in with that cockatoo hair.

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Imagine cockatoo red.

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He's peacocking around.

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That's what they do. That's what mystery taught them. You got to get out there and... Show your colors. That's right.

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In my area. I am the top podcast in my area. No shit.

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There's like, there's title cards in between sections here. And this one is like a duck to water.

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Once I learned game, I turned into a Jedi master. A Jedi master of pink cockatoo hair and role play. Yes. Nothing says fuck me like being in a park dressed up like a medieval swordsman.

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Hey, listen, within a mile radius, I'm pretty sure we're the top podcast.

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And I kind of threw it on the back shelf and ignored it. That kind of reminds me of that scene in The Matrix where he goes to the Oracle and they ask him, like he's guided to the Oracle. You must go talk to the Oracle. Yeah, you were meant to do that. Every good Genesis story of some of the most, some of the people who changed our world starts with an Oracle.

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There's someone who just sees something in you that you don't see in yourself. Like my wife. Shut up and do it on a microphone.

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Yes, mom. She's so clueless. And then she said that the girls were going to get together that night and listen to the podcast. And I have not heard from my mother since.

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And you sleep on the floor maybe while you're waiting for the bed.

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Yeah, I imagine like Takis, empty bags and Mountain Dew soda cans all around. There's the game staring at him. In the movie, whoever plays him, it's got to, you know, I would imagine Ryan Felipe or Tom Timothy Chalamet or whoever. I can see like he's in this scene where it's all dark and he's crying.

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Denzel gives him the book. You were meant to do this. Don't fret, bro. Read it. Neil Strauss. The famous composer? Neil Strauss is obviously a big inspiration. Oh, no, the pickup artist, Neil Strauss.

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I think they're at a mall in Florida, but I wonder if they know how close to greatness they are. Have you ever been somewhere and then later on you see pictures, like at a concert or, I don't know, you've never been to Disney World, but like Disney World.

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Oh, you have? Yeah.

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There's a couple times I've been to Disney World and then I'll be in one of those, you know, Disney adult groups for people like me who have mental problems. And then... And then they'll be like, oh, did you see so-and-so on this particular day? And it happens a famous person was there when I was there. But how would I have known?

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Eddie Vedder and my dad's Chicago picture. Yeah, stuff like that. I wonder if they know how close they are to greatness.

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I have to purposefully mute my phone because I know my mother's going to call. I know she is during the show while we record. So I don't know what to tell you, kids. My mom's on to us.

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Thank you.

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Thank you.

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You know, there's probably a few whiz bangers in there that were like, yeah, I agree with you, Brian. But I would imagine most people are not that way. You know, those people are long since gone. Those people have died. They died in the 80s. So yet another place I have to go and explain myself. And that doesn't always feel good.

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I guess we all have to cut out the cussing now. We have to settle down. I feel like I'm a teenager and I've been busted in the basement whacking off. And now I got to calm it down a little bit. So funny thing is, they say they're going to get together that night and listen to the show. And it's the show that we did about studs. Oh, right. Okay.

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Thank you.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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And the preview clip that was cut, you know, coming up on this episode of the commercial break, then there's a preview clip, 30 to 45 seconds of the show that we find interesting that we put in there. And the clip is me making fun of the guy saying, we did San Diego. And I go, what is doing San Diego? What does that mean? You jizzed up against the wall? Give me 50 bucks and I'll fuck you? Yeah.

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Thank you.

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Thank you. Thank you.

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Oh, it's all over. I was lamenting the people at Starbucks knowing about the commercial break, the people at school knowing about the commercial break, now my mom and her friends knowing how to get the commercial break. I mean, we're far from famous kids. Don't let any chart appearances or big numbers, big numbers, over 40 downloads. Don't let anything fool you.

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This one's getting a little boring. And now that I'm married, guys don't want to talk to me. I think after you get married, being a pickup artist is probably not something you can do. Like, I don't know. For many reasons. That's like eating with a skinny chef. You know what I'm saying? Like you just you just don't do it.

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They call it ILs in the community, Chrissy. You've got to get in there and get a bunch of ILs.

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IL, baby, IL. Oh, God.

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Oh, yes. An instant lay. That means you walk into the bar, instantly laid.

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Boom. Vagina, dick. meat boom explosions everywhere clean up aisle three and you're out 249 left to go you know what i'm saying chrissy oh yeah thank you you prolong that how can you ideally meet the person you want to be with and stay with them forever no i i don't know i don't know but maybe he'll explain it to us in the next segment let's take a break uh and we'll be back

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All right. We just learned that Adam is in fact or was in fact married for a brief period of time, 2009 to 2013. Longer than my first marriage. But anyway. All right. All right. Settled out.

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Oh, humble bragging all the way to success.

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Project Entourage, Chrissy. It's been well documented, my journey to pussy success. Anybody who documents their journey to pick up artist success is just... I might have something wrong with them. I don't know. I mean, I'm not saying everybody is the same and I'm not saying all quote unquote dating coaches, which is a big word that includes a lot of different types of men and women.

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I'm not saying all of them are bad. Sometimes maybe you feel like you need somebody to give you a pep talk or something like that. But this guy, no way.

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Thanks for bringing that clear. You're so scientific in your methods, Adam. So scientific.

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We don't get noticed on the street. No one's knocking down our door to do anything. I think the only other famous person who's ever done anything remotely nice for us was Ari Shaffir. And I think he did that because he felt bad for us. Probably. Yeah. But I'm sharing that I feel a little bit cornered. Like the commercial break is not a normal job. No. No, no, no, no. It's not a normal job.

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No, no one's asking him this. These title cards were made backwards. He came up with his own questions. He's giving his own answers. This is all just spoon fed.

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Yeah, at an outdoor mall in Florida where he's just giving himself a reason to humble brag about all the stuff he's done. The feminization of America. Here we go. Here we go. I'm going to hate on the women I so desperately need. Wait.

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Might we agree with something Adam has to say? I'd like to reintroduce that balance. I think guys don't really know their place.

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Not sure how that works.

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Maybe. But I don't think I agree with that particular statement. But okay.

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I don't even understand what that means. No. Ah, war ends, we all lose.

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Snake charmers. That's the text. Snake charmers.

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Oh, yeah, you're not dropping any kind of... No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, you're not dropping any kind. You're not one to humble brag. You're not one to say anything too ostentatious out loud. Just say the names, Adam, so that we can find their videos.

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John Anthony Lifestyle. Sorry.

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By adding value, I mean dropping seed in your uterus. Oh, yeah.

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As a matter of fact, it's a job that keeps you from getting a normal job. That's how it should be described. That is so true. I don't know why I think everything's so funny today, but I do. And the fact that there's not a lot of safe places where people just assume I have some normal job.

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So three short years later, the quality has improved. 10x, Chrissy.

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Pump that penis. Pump that penis. Thrust. Thrust. Thrust. Peacock. Peacock. Peacock. One, two. One. Lean against the wall. Stare her up and down. Don't talk. No words. She'll come to you, soldier. Put that boner down. Not yet. More peacock. Peacock. Peacock. Get her into your room. Low lighting, loud music. Let's go, let's go, let's go. You're getting laid this weekend. Yes, sir, I can hear you.

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Instant lay. I don't know what they may say. I don't know what they may say. Going for nothing but an instant lay. Sound off. Hard dick. Sound off. J.P. Cock.

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He was the one who told us how he brought home a girl and he had the lighting. He like flipped on. He had a light setting that was setting the mood and a playlist. He definitely had a playlist for getting laid. And it was like a two hour cab ride or something. Yeah. I don't know.

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This is basically a sales pitch for his boot camps. He has a lot of bad press out there and he's trying to tell you that it's other people's boot camps, not my boot camps.

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He's got that used car salesperson smile at the end of everything he says.

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Which corporations are in on the pickup artist business? 21 Convention? The people you're doing the video for right now?

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I mean, I know the people at Starbucks now, they desperately want to ask me about the content of today's show, but I just keep avoiding eye contact.

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Yeah, he's a 70-year-old.

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That's right. Halloween game. Take my course that only works one night a year. Put on a mask.

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Where can we find the Halloween game video? I want to know. It's within it.

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Put on a mask. Put on a mask. Pretend you're not you.

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Independent versus corporate. Uh-oh. Here's where it all falls apart. It's always the Walmart of pick-up artists coming in to squash the little guy.

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Yeah, I do. Because I don't, you know, I don't, I'm sorry. I said the guy jizzed against the wall. I mean, what do you want me to say? I'm sure not everybody agrees with the content that we're putting out there. It's not for everybody. It's not for everybody. We're student podcasters, Chrissy. That's what we are. Student podcasters.

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He was one of the first independents. No selling out here, bro. You won't find any John Anthony lifestyle banners at my boot camp.

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No siree, Bob.

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Wait, who – what big company is supporting pickup artists? I think he means the 21 Convention.

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Book the appointments, yeah, and lead you to the right dating coach, quote-unquote. I mean, they're really the apple of the pickup artist community. Yeah. If you're going to survive in this community, I just find it sad that people have to live in Thailand all year long on the beach and then come to Los Angeles to teach me how to pick up women on Halloween.

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Please be patient. But now my mom knows that's a whole different road to hoe there because now I'm going to have to explain to her and her. I know I go there sometimes. When we go, there's like a big dining room when you walk into these places.

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Everyone's seen it. Everyone knows about that tipping point when you've got too much patootie tang to deal with.

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How do you know that? Where are those stats? The average independent. One year. Acting like this is like some well-worn industry. It's very much the Wild West as far as I can tell. I don't know because I'm not a dating coach or a pickup artist or whatever.

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Yeah. But it seems like put your videos on YouTube. Hope that people call your phone number and order your course. And if they do, you'll make money. And if they don't, you won't. And he's right about one thing. Any small business has its toils and troubles. And, you know. As an independent podcast, you have your ups, you have your downs.

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You go with a network because they have the people who can sell your business, right? I mean, I get what he's saying, but I just don't see the pickup artist business being that big that it would sustain big corporate. When he's saying big corporate, he really makes it sound like there's a Walmart of... Pickup artists out there.

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No, no, never seen again.

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Never seen public sentiment moving toward... Well, there was that time that VH1 had Mystery had his own show.

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But that was the whiz-bang 90s when a lot of things were different. We do dating shows from the 90s all the time. Things were just different back then. I think... Pickup artists generally are seen in a negative light because of the things that they say. Not because they're victims of their own success, but because they're victims of their own dumb ideology.

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One hard cock at a time, Chrissy.

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Sometimes I do wish I had a normal job where I just didn't have to explain myself. I meet other dads, and they're like, you know, yeah, I own a bike shop, or yeah, you know, I'm in the elevator business, or whatever they do. And I'm like, oh, okay, that's great. Tell me more about it so I can pretend like I do that next time I meet somebody.

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One boner at a time. All right.

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Oh, Adam. There's like 10 more minutes to go, but I don't think I can hear Adam talk anymore. To himself? No, not to himself. His own soliloquy about himself and all the wonderful things he's done, but how he's a changed man now. Look at that dumb grin on his face. Look at that dumb grin on his face.

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This is a cruise ship on land, is basically what it is. And they have a dining room, like every cruise ship does. And they get together for three times a day to sit at an assigned table. Or not necessarily assigned tables, but they tend to, you know.

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Oh, man. Oh, we already have had feedback about the 12 hearts of TCB, and some people are questioning our sanity. Yes. So are we. Yes, we are. No doubt about it.

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So we're going to put ours to the test. We'll see how it goes. We'll share more about the minutia, but don't worry about us. We've set this up in a way that I think we're going to be okay. 12 hours of TCB, May 31st. That's a Saturday. So if you choose to keep up with it, you can. And I don't think there's any major sporting events. I don't know, but I checked and it doesn't look like it.

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Weekend after Memorial Day. That's right. So have your fun and then, you know, get some popcorn. Get some popcorn. Put your earmuffs on, kids. It's 12 hours of TCB starting at 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. We'll be releasing an episode every hour on the hour or as close to it as I can possibly edit. And then we will be doing also live recording, too, meaning live.

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We'll record and you'll be able to tune in and watch us record. So you'll be able to hear it just a little bit early. Lots more details on that in coordination with our good friends at Central Talent Booking, Odyssey, Covert Creative. We plash design and video production firm and, quite frankly, us, the commercial break. So there you go.

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Okay, so lots more information coming up about that. Stay tuned. Next week, you want to be on the commercial break, call us, 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3TCB. 3TCB. Between the hours of 12 and 2.30 p.m. Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday, 15, 16, 17, or 14, 15, 16, call us and we may answer the phone.

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At the commercial break on Instagram, youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak for all of the episodes the same day they air here on the audio feed. TCBpodcast.com, your free sticker. And all the audio and video. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now.

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But I'll tell you that I love you.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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Yeah, they group together. My mom moves a lot because I think people get annoyed. Or she gets annoyed. She gets annoyed easy. So she moves from table to table. And so when we go over to my mom's, she's got a very small apartment because she doesn't need a lot. And I don't like the kids, all 16 kids to be up there because they just cause drama.

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I get ass.

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My mom doesn't give a shit. I give a shit. There's just a lot of stuff up there that I don't need. She's got medication. There's like a lot of shit that's not child-friendly.

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And so when we get together, I often say, let's do a meal. And she can rent the private dining room, which is off the main dining room. Just imagine like your dining room at your house or your grandma's house or your parents' house. It's like a... 15-foot by 10-foot room with a big table, and you just sit there. Renting it means it's yours for the hour or two.

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Yeah, you reserved. And so my mom often reserves this, and then we'll go over, and there's plenty of chairs. Everyone can have fun. They can run around. But every time we go there, it's showtime at the Apollo because the kids... are the youngest things these people have seen in like six days. And they're very excited by the youthfulness of the whole situation.

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And I can understand that because I am excited by the youthfulness of the situation often sometimes too. The energy is infectious. The kids are cute. We often doll, you know, Astrid, I say we, Astrid, dolls them up in nice clothing and they're presentable and they'll say hello and they'll twirl around. So they're like little... It's entertainment for the show they put on.

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Yes. As we walk the 150 feet through the dining room where we have to be stopped by every person who thinks the kids are cute, and that's every person at every table. Except for a few ornery ones. You know, there's some ornery people. Yeah, of course. Now, I would imagine that I'm going to get the side eye from everybody, and we're going to be shunned like pariahs.

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We're going to be like lepers in Jesus' time. Just shunned, shunned. Because... Most people my age don't like the commercial break. They think it's too much for them. Imagine what these 80-year-olds are thinking. It's too much for them. They're not even going to understand half the words we're saying, let alone be okay with me talking about coming and pissing and jizzing.

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And I'm sorry if you're eating breakfast. I apologize.

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I mean, you know, there's probably a few whiz bangers in there that were like, yeah, I agree with you, Brian. But I would imagine most people are not that way. You know, those people are long since gone. Those people have died. They died in the 80s. So yet another place I have to go and explain myself. And that doesn't always feel good.

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Sometimes I do wish I had a normal job where I just didn't have to explain myself. I meet other dads and they're like, you know, yeah, I own a bike shop or yeah, you know, I'm in the elevator business or whatever they do. And I'm like, oh, okay, that's great. Tell me more about it so I can pretend like I do that next time I meet somebody.

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Yes, Chrissy. That's exactly what I want to do. I'll tell you what my dream job is. My dream job, Drew Carey's job. Yeah. Ryan Seacrest's job. Elizabeth Banks' job. That's my dream job, honestly. Million dollars a year. plenty of money in my pocket, feed the kids.

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I don't know if I'll be able to send them to college for that, but, you know, I'll be able to feed them, house them, live comfortably, drive a car with four wheels and a whole hood. You know, all the accoutrements that go along with being comfortable. It seems like we might need a million dollars a year just to live these days, but...

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and get to go into the studio, work like maybe 100 days a year, maybe 100 days a year, knock out a couple episodes of Price is Right or whatever it is, and mosey on with life. Because I guarantee, and I know this for a fact, that Drew Carey doesn't get... harangued by thrones of adoring fans. Have you ever seen anyone? Have you ever met anyone that's like, oh my God, Drew Carey.

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Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian.

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If I could just meet Drew Carey.

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No, no one says that. He's the guy from The Price is Right and that show that one time was popular.

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Whose line is it anyway? That's right. Very talented guy. Very seems very affable. I've met him. He has breakfast at the same diner every morning. I told you this. I met him at a diner. Mel's Diner, I think is what it's called up in the hills of, you know, Hollywood Hills or whatever it is. He has breakfast, same breakfast every morning. At least he did back then.

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And this was just when he got the job. The price is right. And he was just super nice, super affable, reading his newspaper, very nice guy. He seems like it. There was no one, and I mean no one, that was bothering the guy. You want to know why? Because he's the guy from The Price is Right and no one cares.

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Now, I'm the guy from The Commercial Break and no one cares, but that seems like my perfect job because I'm in entertainment. I get to express that creativity. But they give me the cue cards. I just have to read it, inject a little bit of personality, meet some friendly faces, and then be on with my day.

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No, I mean, if I could throw a jizz in there every once in a while, if I could get a tidpick every once in a while and the price is right, I would do that. But I don't have to. It's... I don't have to. If I had to go work for Disney and do one of those silly game shows, I'd do it. I look at that Ryan Seacrest, and now he's got iHeartRadio wrapped into that wheel of fortune.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Including my mother, who now listens to the show, apparently.

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Oh, he really— He's making probably $20 million a year for all that he does.

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A little place here in Atlanta called Backstreet. If you know, you know.

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No, I don't know that to be true. That's all rumor. It's all rumor and speculation from his ex-boyfriend. So Ryan Seacrest, who's very talented, by the way. Yeah, he is. I mean, you have to be talented and smart and –

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Have your head on your shoulders to maneuver a 30 plus year career in the entertainment business from being like a local, you know, drive time DJ who wasn't particularly good at what he did. He parlayed that into an immense amount of success and money, an empire. He now runs Dick Clark Productions. He owns it, I think. So he does the New Year's Eve. He does the radio show. He does American Idol.

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He does Wheel of Fortune. He was doing, remember like Kelly and Ryan for a while? And remember during the pandemic, he had like a stroke or something on air, didn't he? Yeah. He had to take a couple days off. He called it exhaustion. Everyone else thought it was a stroke because it looked like a stroke.

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If you're listening closely to the commercial break, then you will know that my mom and her friends around the senior citizens' home table have discovered a way to listen to the commercial break. They've found it. After five years. Yes. Someone was young enough at the table to know what a podcast was. Either that or they listened to a lot of Fox News on podcasts. One of the two.

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He was the executive producer of the Kardashians. He brought it to E! And he said, you got to put these people on TV. They're highly entertaining. And, you know, this one who just did the sex tape, she's got a whole family of sex tapes behind her. So you guys got to get on this. And so he's the genius, essentially. He's the genus and the genius behind the Kardashians, which...

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like them, don't like them. They are the most famous people on earth. They really are. And besides Taylor Swift and a couple of others, I mean, they're the most famous people on earth. And Ryan, I think has a lot to do with that, or at least for telling what was to come. He certainly had his finger on the pulse in that moment. He knew what the public wanted and he sold it to him.

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And it seems like at every turn, he kind of knows that. Now, why is he doing Wheel of Fortune? I'm not sure. It seems like an odd move, but maybe he felt like I want to be in people's living rooms every day. in this family-friendly way, which has always been his style, like even in American Idol.

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He's never been particularly edgy, even when he was a radio disc jockey on a radio station called Star 94, which was like light pop rock, like nothing offensive, no hard rock, none of that. Top 40 hits, essentially.

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He's always been family-friendly. He's always gone that direction.

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Listen, he has multi-platformed himself right into a billion-dollar business. And I don't argue with it a bit. I say, good for you, Ryan. He's dated some of the most beautiful women on Earth. He was dating that girl from Dancing with the Stars.

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Juliana Huff. That's right. Who, by the way, is one of the best smelling human beings I have ever met in my entire life. I met her at a New Year's Eve party and she was, you could smell her across the room. She smelled like a, I don't know, a bundle of daisies wrapped in vanilla, wrapped in Really good smelling perfume. I mean, it was just amazing how good she smelled. But a beautiful woman also.

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Now she's doing Dancing with the Stars. Now she's like one of the hosts of Dancing with the Stars. But anyway, I digress back to Ryan. He's really done it for himself.

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I would absolutely take that career in a heartbeat if I didn't have to work as hard. If I could do like a tenth of what Ryan does and make the same money, I'm in. But otherwise, I decline the offer. I decline the job. I decline the job. I want to go Drew Carey's route. Drew doesn't need all the extra accrued termonts. He doesn't need to be in a radio studio every morning.

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We're going to have to move them out of the way. And the National Guard eventually went and started pushing cars out of the way. It was crazy. I, day number five, even though it was still very slick and sloggy out there, I made the decision to get in my own car with this young lady. I couldn't take it anymore. I was done. I was like, I got to get you home. I'm sorry. I got to get you home.

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And she's like, I just don't feel comfortable driving. I can hear the car sliding out there. And I was like, you may not feel comfortable driving, but I do. So let me get you home.

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What else could possibly go wrong with my car? If we crash, we crash. And I'm telling you what, we slid all the way over those side streets to get her home. And I slid all the way back. And I took a deep, solid breath when I got home. And I was like, thank God I can just ride this out by myself now. It was so... It turned into like the worst...

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Jamland Productions. Oh, Jamland. Jamland Productions. Goes right along with that EDM flavor.

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Oh, three years later. Three years later we broke up.

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Three years later. I should have known right then. I did know. Right then and right there. But, you know, sometimes we're guns for punishment.

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But it is.

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Yeah. Not only did I used to say that to Chrissy, I would say that in the course of 24 hours. Yes. I would be like, we broke up. call later on in the day. We're back. It's on back on.

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You just broke up this morning. And I'd be like, yeah, no, it's fine. We're all good. Yeah, we patch things up.

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Thank God for Astrid. Thank God. Astrid's the best thing that ever happened to me. Christina, you have no idea.

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But I honestly think I had to get through schnitzel tits to get to Astrid. Yes, you did. To understand what a good partner is for me and then how to be a good partner to someone else. You just have to go through that stuff sometimes. You do, that's true. I firmly believe that we learn by doing, or at least I learn by, there's lots of people on earth.

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Presented by Jam Land. Presented by Jam Land Productions. DJ shit for brains.

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And I'm really good at giving relationship advice. I consider myself really good at giving relationship advice, but I can't take it to save my life. I just can't take my own advice. I can see a train wreck coming a mile away if it's somebody else that's getting in the train wreck.

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But I will literally stand on the tracks and the train will go forward and back up a couple times before I realize I shouldn't be standing on the fucking tracks. Listen, I'm just one of those guys. I have to learn by doing and then fail multiple times. And look at this podcast. Look at this podcast. We should have given this up three years ago. We should have socked it in.

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A little bit of this and a little bit of that.

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Anyway, we're probably snowed in. I'm probably calling bullshit. I'm trying to call the bullshit, but this looks like it actually might happen. So pray for us here in Atlanta. That's my favorite thing in the world is when social media starts making those posts about Atlanta after snow. Just pray for Atlanta. Pray for Atlanta with like a dusting of snow.

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Sorry, folks. Atlanta's closed. John Candy from The Vacation.

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I kind of love that movie. Get your memes ready and tag us on Instagram. We'd love to see it. We'll keep you posted. I promise I'll make a reel. If any kind of wintry weather happens, I'll post a reel and I'll tag the commercial break in it. All right. Let's take a break. We'll be back.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene. This is the Glenn Burns to my Ken Cook. Kristen Joy Hoadley, best to you, Kristen.

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I'm officially done with Facebook. I just want to share that with everybody.

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You've gotten back on it?

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Oh, really? For what reason?

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Are you finding dates on there?

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Yeah, Mark Zuckerberg knows how to get people to pay attention. I mean, good, bad, or indifferent, Mark has changed our lives. Actually, mainly bad and indifferent, Mark Zuckerberg has changed our lives. But it just seems like... I mean...

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I know this happens with every single administration, and I'm not claiming that Trump is the only one this is happening with, but it sure does seem like the robber barons are kneeling at the, I don't know, the throne of Trump. And it's really strange to me to see them so publicly sucking a dick. I mean, honestly.

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No, there's no surprises here.

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Of course. Yeah, that's the thing is that he makes such a big stink about every single thing and he causes a lot of drama with – like normally I think most presidents, with the exception of some in our history, would just kind of like – OK, I'm not going to – I'm not going to publicly lambast you. That's for the regular. Yeah, that's private. That's right. I do that privately.

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Privately, I step on your business. I don't publicly do it. But they're so scared of getting a public tongue lashing and having, you know, whatever. I'm not sure whatever happened. They're so scared of it that they just kneel and they bow. And it's really quite disturbing to me. I liked when all this stuff happened in private that I didn't know about it. And I didn't have to be upset.

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Yeah, I mean, Trump's threatening to invade Greenland and Panama? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Now, listen, we probably could invade. Panama doesn't even have a standing army. That could be a really easy take. All right, I get that one. But Greenland? You're going to go for Greenland? Let Greenland be, for God's sakes. Do we really need Greenland?

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Welcome to a little weather-related opening. Winter weather warning.

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I mean, he says it's like a military strategic. Maybe it is, but we already have relationship with Greenland. Why do we want to own another country? Can't we get this one right before we start looking at others? Canada, the 51st state? Really? How about making Puerto Rico the 51st state and give them the attention that they need? Before we go paying attention to Canada.

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But of course, we know why that's not going to happen. Anywho, the one guy that I still like out of all this, the one billionaire that I'm still, you know, thinking is semi sane is Mark Cuban.

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Yeah, Mark Cuban is at least, I mean, listen, I don't love everything about Mark Cuban, but I think generally he speaks truth to power and he seems to not be afraid.

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Living Alive only does storm alert days in serious situations. This is to be taken seriously, I just read. It's a Friday here on the commercial break, and we're not actually here on a Friday. We're probably embedded in one and a half inches of snow that has crippled the city.

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Here's what's going to be shocking to some listeners who are no longer listening because they don't like the fact that their fannies are hurt that I talked about Trump in a negative way. But if your fanny is hurt that I talked about Trump in a negative way, let me share something with you that might be surprising. I don't disagree with everything Trump has to say. Don't disagree with it.

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Don't disagree with some of the stuff that him and some of the people that are around him say I actually agree with. I think that we do need big change in this country. I don't think the country works for a lot of folks, but I don't think we're going to get there by kowtowing to billionaires. I just don't think we're going to do that. That's my personal opinion.

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There should be a nice adversarial relationship going on with people who control most of the wealth in this country, and we should be checking them to make sure that their cup don't spilleth over crushing everybody in the process. And that should be part of the government's responsibility, should be to checks and balances to make sure. I'm not saying take away their wealth.

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I don't believe in that. I don't believe in wealth distribution. But I'm saying that we shouldn't just be cuddling up to them and letting them do whatever the fuck they want to do, nor should it be the opposite way around. I don't believe that because I don't think that's good for us, the small people, the people who don't make any money podcasting.

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I want to be a billionaire, too, but I'm never going to get there because, you know, I don't know. It's because there's certain people, you know, they just seem to be absorbing a ton of wealth without any checks and balances and not doing great by the people who allow them to get that rich. Amazon is a perfect example of this. They don't treat their employees very well.

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And at every turn that the employees are trying to help themselves get out of that city situation or make it a little bit better, they get crushed. And we're not helping them. And the new administration doesn't seem to be willing to help them. They want to fight against it. Why? Why? Why shouldn't we help the workers at Amazon? They bring me. A random microphone wire in three hours. I know.

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Yeah, but those people, those people who do bring me the random microphone wire in three hours. Let me give you a story for all the kids out there. When I first started playing guitar and I got an amplifier... Sonny! God damn it, Brian! Shut that shit up! When I got the first ever amplifier ever made in 1909... The Fender number one.

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When I got that, I needed a wire in order to plug that thing in. You know what I had to do? I had to go to my dad, ask him for a ride to the guitar store that was 26 miles away to then go and pay for that wire and bring it back to the house. That entire process took about six weeks because my dad knew once I plugged the guitar in, it was all over for the rest of the house. And man, was it.

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If I didn't, every three minutes here, Brian, turn it down. What the fuck? Shut up.

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So now the amazing development that Amazon can get you anything at any time and bring it to you within hours. is a blessing among blessings. It is like a gift from the heavens. It makes your life so incredibly easier. And if you, the regular listener at home, doesn't believe that those people should be treated correctly, then you are a shithead. Period. End of sentence.

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There's nothing else to say. Same with the grocery deliveries and the FedEx guy and the people who work behind the coffee counter and whoever.

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The people who work for us and do the things that make our lives easier, more convenient, better, healthier, whatever you want to say. Those are the people that we should take care of. Jeff Bezos, we don't need to worry about.

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Bread and milk. Mac and cheese or like, you know, canned soup or something.

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Who fucking cares? No one's going to ever bother Jeff Bezos. Do you think Jeff Bezos orders Amazon? Here's a question I have. Do you think Jeff Bezos uses Amazon Prime? I bet he does, too.

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Yeah, of course.

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I mean, technically.

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Maybe not. Maybe he's got like a, he's probably got an account where like he racks shit up. Yeah. You think Jeff orders like, you know, oat milk at three in the morning to be delivered by seven?

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He's got an assistant whose assistant's assistant does that because that person probably never talks, speaks to Jeff Bezos. Jeff just sends a text message to his most trusted advisor who then sends a million people out to do everything. And that's okay. I'm not arguing with that. I'd love to be in that position. As long as I didn't hurt anybody else to get there, I'd love to be in that position.

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Bread, milk and water. Those are the things that go in the alcohol.

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But there's the point also, is that I think we need to just consider how everybody... I think everybody... I think certain people... have this mentality. I don't fault them for that. I think certain people have this mentality that that's what I want. I want to be Jeff Bezos. I want to be the millionaire. I want to drive the Lamborghini. I want to have a boat. I want to live in the Lamborghini.

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It's a Puccini mushroom mixed with a Labrador Retriever. Yeah, it's a Labradoodle. I think they have this impression that that's what I want. And, okay, that's great. That's the American dream. Everybody wants that. But you're going to need the help and the cooperation of people who may never realize that dream in order to get there.

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Gasoline, firewood. I mean, it's like people just go fucking bananas around here. And the pandemonium has already started and it's only the middle of the week. I'm referring to this winter storm that's supposedly going to affect some parts of the southeast, like the city of Atlanta, where we live, where we record. I got to be honest with you. I just don't believe the bullshit anymore.

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And if we cannot step on heads on the way up the ladder, lest we meet them on the way back down, I just think that it might be a better place to live, a better society in general. And so I argue sometimes that...

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Cuddling up to all of the robber barons that are out there right now and making their lives easier at the expense of everybody else who's helping them get there is really a shitty attitude to have. And it doesn't work.

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child labor the uh the chinese people built our railroads and everybody else got rich i argue chrissy here's the surprise for you because brian's gonna know a history fact even the egyptians treated their people shitty now we're not living in egypt though we're living in the united states of america in 2024 this should be a little bit different 2025 thank you me and my kid both still trying to get used to that new number

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I'm arguing it. I'm fighting it all the way. But I'm sorry. The guy of all the billionaires, the billionaire that really makes me just like hot under the collar is that Mark fucking Fuckerberg. He is so terrible. He's just like, is he human? I'm not even sure. That's not a robot with skin on it. Do you know what I'm saying? He doesn't move his head or blink his eyes. What's wrong with that?

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How do you do that? Practice. Yeah, I know. Facebook has just turned into a cesspool of disgustingness. I mean, maybe the marketplace is fine, and apparently everybody's dating on there now. So maybe I'm just an old man who can't get hep with the kids. I don't know. I don't know. But, you know, fuck you. I don't want to be on Facebook anymore.

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Yeah. I'm getting with the newfangled Instagram. Those people are better over there. Oh, wait, it's owned by Mark Zuckerberg? Yeah. Shit!

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Nextdoor is going to – Who owns Nextdoor? Probably some Chinese company. I don't know. I have no idea.

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Yeah, no. I think Nextdoor is a private company. It's probably owned by Uber Eats or something. I don't know. Who fucking knows?

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My landscaping company owns next door. Instead of buying Greenland, let's buy next door. How's that? Kevin O'Leary is thinking about buying TikTok.

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Which is beyond, beyond to me. I have a hard time believing that the guy who's... I don't know. You know, kind of the persnickety jerk-off from Shark Tank, which I don't have any problems with Kevin O'Leary. Quite frankly, I think he's pretty smart. But, you know, that guy is going to own TikTok?

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Is this going to be another Justin Timberlake MySpace moment where TikTok just goes into oblivion because of who owns it? Do you remember when Justin bought MySpace?

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I've been living in this city for way too long. I've even noticed that I think the meteorologists don't believe the bullshit anymore. I don't even think they think they know what's actually going to happen because they're wrong every fucking time. They're wrong about where the hurricane goes. They're wrong about what the weather is going to be in an hour, let alone five days from now.

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TikTok's alive and well, and there are a lot of creators who... rightfully are very nervous and very scared that their way of living is going to be gone because TikTok has paid a lot of creators a lot of money and a lot of people applaud them for that, as do I. If you're helping the platform be successful, you should participate in some way, shape or form.

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But a lot of creators are very nervous that this TikTok ban will go into effect. I think it's now it's going to be sitting in front of the Supreme Court. It's up to Donald Trump whether or not I guess he signs the bill into law.

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No, I don't think he is either.

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Yeah. And you know what? For that, I applaud you, Barron. Listen, I think that it's very dangerous to have China have all this information at their disposal. But I'm not smart enough to understand why that's dangerous. I just think in my head, other people have said it's dangerous. You know what I'm saying? Isn't all of our information readily accessible anyway if you really want it?

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Couldn't China just pay LexisNexis to get that information? Or any private institution could pay LexisNexis? I mean, one time I applied for a car loan. This was like three years ago. I am still getting phone calls to this day where they know my middle name, my mom's maiden name, and they know what make, model, and license plate number I have on the car. They know where I work.

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They know where I live. They know everything about me, not because I gave them that information, because they bought that information from the person who gave me the loan. Now they're trying to buy the loan. Now they're trying to get in the game. They're trying to make a little bit of money off me. That's the way it goes. So if China wants our info, can't they just give it to us anyway?

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I understand it's on your phone and they're sucking up your emails and all that stuff. But listen, let's be real. All of us have a phone network. Where there's an arrestable offense somewhere on there. You know what I'm saying? Somewhere on there, there's an arrestable offense.

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I knew it. I knew it. Instagram's doing the same thing. Facebook has been doing it for a long time. I am telling you, when I first got into... When I first got into internet marketing, way back when Google was a thing, back before search engine optimization, also known as SEOs. Do you guys do SEOs? We do do SEOs. Oh, yes, we do do SEOs.

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When Google had just come online and search engine optimization, manipulating the search engines to make your website or web presence rank higher, search engine optimization. When that was a thing, a whole cottage industry popped up under it. Now it's all AI-driven, and I don't know that SEO is – I don't know. Who knows? I haven't kept up with the SEOs, okay? That's what I'm trying to say.

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We had a meeting one time with a gentleman, and this gentleman was starting a company. I'd love to know where this gentleman is today. The gentleman was starting a company where they would take, based on your Facebook application that was on your phone or your Google app at the time, your Google information.

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They would ping your phone, determine where you were exactly within like 50 feet, and then they would serve you up. Geofencing. Geofencing, an advertisement to a particular shop or service that was close by.

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And every time they put together one of these special storm alerts, which we have going on right now, everybody runs to the fucking store. There are lines. It's pandemonium. Everyone's driving like an asshole trying to get home. I don't know to apparently make French toast with their bread, milk and eggs. I don't know what's going on. But then what's going to happen? It's going to rain.

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And then they would buy all the information from whatever company, LexisNexis or whoever, and triangulate that information so that the owner of that place that just got served up that ad would know exactly who you were and where you were. So that when they came in, they would already be prepared to serve you or know what your preferences were or your taste.

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This was like highly advanced at the time. But it has all happened long since. Everybody knows the information. Are we really scared about TikTok having that information? I don't know. But I guess I would feel a little bit better if Kevin O'Leary owned it. Because I'd rather Kevin have my information than a bunch of random Chinese communists. You know what I'm saying?

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Kevin, give me a call. I'll help you work out this deal with TikTok. He's buying it for $300 billion, supposedly. Who's giving him that loan? Because I don't think Kevin has $300 billion.

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A bunch of hedge funds. That's what happens. That's how it all works. A bunch of hedge funds. That's how Elon got Twitter. A bunch of hedge funds. Private equity. Whatever that means. Equity that's private that no one knows about. That's what it is. It's a complicated machinery. I don't have time to explain it here on the show. But just trust me. It's private and it's equitized.

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That's all you need to know. It's private and it's equitable, just not for you. Okay? You understand? All right. I've been on my rant for 30 minutes. Now we're done. Let's do this.

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I just saw Mark Zuckerberg right before we got on the show and it made me angry and I thought I'd go on a little rant about how I'm feeling about the oligarchs that are now ruling our society. I'm not mad at their money. I really am not. I believe that in America you should be able to be a billionaire if you work hard and you do it correctly.

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And I think it might be hard to always do things correctly when you're a billionaire. But that's a different conversation for a different day. But let's not just – Cuckold them. Let's make sure they're doing right by at least most people. Do you know what I'm saying, Chrissy?

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Well, thank you for agreeing with me at least on this one thing. All right. We'll take a break. We'll be back.

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Wow. Seven to nine inches of snow in some locations is now predicted.

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That's what's going to happen. It's going to rain. And we're all going to get seven days. Yes. We just got off 30 days of no school and we're going to have 30. Three more school days where I got to go fucking crazy because my kids are running around the house with nothing to do. Fuck you. Fuck you. Chesley, Nesley, or whatever your name is.

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It's going to rain. It's going to rain. It's going to rain. No, that's here. That's here where we're at right now. Metro. North Metro. But just south of here, like where you live. Let's look at that prediction. One to three inches.

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Well, just stay up where the other house you stay at and then you'll get all the snow. All right. Settle down, my 15th child. Simmer down. Simmer down. Yeah, you know, hey, listen, maybe it turns into something that we all need to be concerned about.

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I will. I will have more confidence in this, I think, tomorrow because I think 24 hours out. Yeah, the day of. They're generally – they generally – they get within the earshot of it. But you just take those hurricanes, for example. You'd think after so many years of data with the hurricanes that they could predict with some kind of certainty, like a cone of certainty.

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But it always seems to be extraordinarily uncertain.

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Yeah, a cone of certainty. Yeah.

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Cone of Certainty. Brian's excuse or Brian's escape.

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Brian's escape with Cone of Uncertainty. Opening. This Friday. Yeah.

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This Friday at the Chameleon Club on 10th Street. In very dangerous downtown Atlanta. Cone of certainty with Brian's escape. And isolated fingering. Special guest, isolated fingering. Special guest, get your bell rung.

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Chameleon Club. Remember that?

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Do you remember the Chameleon Club? Yeah. Wow. The Rec Room. Oh, God. All those places. I was just reading that last night that while EDM, electronic dance music, has seen it is like the WWE is having its moment in the sun. It is really having its moment in the sun.

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I know.

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Chrissy, I thought to myself, I'm so happy that Enya's seeing a resurgence. And then I realized that that's not the same Enya, it's Enya, or whatever it is. No, it was... Yeah, isn't it Enya? Can you look up who's a sphere? Anima. Anima. Yeah, Anima.

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It can't be Anima.

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Look at Enya Sphere. I don't know if that's the way it's pronounced.

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Chesley.

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Anima.

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Well, I will tell you what, I am 100, like most of my business predictions, I was 100% wrong about the sphere. Yeah. I thought the sphere would be a gimmick and eventually they'd be playing like, you know, National Geographic whale movies on. Like IMAX. Yeah, like IMAX movies that were specially made for it. And I was 100% wrong. And even the video is pretty impressive. Oh, my God, yeah.

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I used to have the whiz-o-meter, but I married Astrid, and she said no whiz-o-meter for me.

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Yeah, I know you saw The Dead there. I'd like to see The Dead there, too. I think that would be great. I'd love to see Fish there. I think they're going to also make a return, apparently, according to my Fish sources. They're doing CES out there right now. It's hard to believe that I even have Fish sources, but I do. CES and the porn show are together every year, just to let you know.

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The ABN Awards and the CES are together every year. I think they are anyway. I believe that's been going on for a long time. But that sphere is a technological achievement of epic proportions.

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And everyone who's been there, and I've talked to a number of people who have, including you, really have been very impressed by what they have managed to accomplish. And it's no gimmick. Like, it really is a technological feat because apparently no matter where you sit in the entire building, you're either going to get bad vertigo and feel like you're going to fall down or –

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You're just going to see the visuals of a lifetime in an electronic setting, like a television screen type setting.

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They rumble, yeah.

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No whiz-o-meter for me. We're going to take the whiz out of the o-meter. Okay. Why does my mind always go there? Of course, we just spent all day yesterday looking at penises. We did. There you go. That's a hard one to explain to Ashton.

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The thing that I think is the biggest technical accomplishment is the 100,000 plus speakers that are in the building that are directed at every single seat in the same way. Yeah. So that you, no matter where you are, can hear, have the exact same audio experience, which is like a live...

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Music lovers dream because we all know that depending on where you are and what venue it is, there's some seats that are better than others for the sound. Yeah. Like I kind of know where to sit inside of the State Farm Arena in order to have a good experience. I kind of understand if, you know, in a outdoor venue where you should stand to hear something. Well, the Fox Theater.

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The Fox Theater is one of those few places, I think, where you pretty you have a pretty good seat no matter what, unless you're sitting behind a post. But here's the point. The point is, that is amazing that this guy had this dream, went a billion dollars over budget, and managed to ride it out to bring together one of the most amazing venues or the most amazing venue that has ever been created.

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And the experience is worth all of the hype. And I think I can't wait to experience it. I'm really excited. And to answer you, yeah, I saw Anima or whatever it is. I saw a bunch of those videos.

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Yeah. I mean, everybody in the audience was taking a video of this. So that part might have annoyed me a little bit. But there are millions of videos out there. Christine is looking at one right now.

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It is so fucking cool. And I had no idea this Annie Ma or whoever it was even existed.

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I thought I literally thought when I breezed by the article that it was Enya. And I was like, Enya, good for them. I can't even believe they're still alive, let alone making it.

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Yeah, and quite amazing. Anyway, so here's the reason why I even brought EDM up, is because EDM saw a 17% increase in global revenue in general, the category of music in live entertainment and sales and streams and all that. It's a $17.5 billion industry right now. Some of the largest...

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outdoor shows some of the largest festivals are EDM when everybody seems to be suffering a little bit except for of course Mempho when everybody seems to be suffering a little bit in the live music industry electronic dance music is not but here is a weird thing that is happening there is now fewer late night overnight clubs

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to go to dance clubs to go to than any time in the last 40 years they're closing at a rapid rate people do not or are not raving anymore they're not going overnight you know they're not going late night to clubs to see uh this edm to see the dance music like they used to in droves so while everything else is kind of seeing a boost a boom including daytime

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I go in the kitchen yesterday and I go, hey, babe, I got a little concern about our new video team. And she's like, what? And I go, well, listen, we just spent the entire episode looking at dicks. And I'm not sure that I should say. And she goes, wait, did you say you spent the entire episode looking at dicks? And I was I did spend the entire episode looking. Why are you looking at dicks?

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live edm shows yeah anytime you know i've seen this they like this these people in new york have put together this sober rave the morning sober rave have you seen that yes yeah the silent disco one uh no this is a different one but they do have silent disco too i have a friend who got in on the silent disco thing early uh he worked at simcoe fm the fashion plate remember chris martin the fashion play he got in early on bought into one of those businesses and every other day

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He's at a church. He's at a conference. He's at a rave. He's somewhere with those headphones, thousands of them, giving them out to people. He must be fucking killing it. His business must have grown 10x because he's really doing well for himself.

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But these sober raves, these people on Instagram started inviting people like, you know, they'll invite them the night before to this location the next morning. Sober morning rave. Yeah, before you go to work. And before they go to work and they go and they dance and then they go to work and probably go happy to work.

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Exactly. You got a little bit of the, you know, you got a little bit of the fussies out. Yeah, you got the endorphins going. I would argue that everybody's sober. But, you know, that's just me. And I'm sure there's a few people who are still up from the night before. There's got to be a few. Yeah.

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But when I was in my early 20s, while I admittedly did not do this every night of the week, I used to love to go to those clubs in downtown Atlanta, you know, twice, three times a month and go listen to electronic dance music. Did you know that I, for a while, was an EDM promoter?

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Ah, the many machinations of Brian.

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Yes. If you had to put a gravestone with all of my professions on it, It'd be like the Washington Monument.

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This was after 33P, but before La Strada. It was sometime in that weird space right there.

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Oh, after 33P. No, 33P was when I was like 16 years old, 17 years old. I was a baby then.

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That's right. It's a natural transition. Chrissy, I'm telling you what. It was a weird time to be alive and Brian was as weird as possible. And I think I just see, like, I'm one of those guys who hops on the trend seven days after it already has peaked and started, you know. I buy Bitcoin at $100,000. It goes back down to $60,000. You know what I'm saying? I do.

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Actually, altcoin is one of the only things that I've predicted correctly. But anyway, I met a couple of guys at a restaurant that I was working at. And one of them likened himself a DJ back when Gay Raj.

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He likened himself. I'll say likened himself a DJ because he used to put CDs of mixed music together. And we used to give them out. And I helped promote some of his shows. How did that go? It didn't go well because not many people showed up. And then one time I put together a fashion show slash EDM concert.

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And I go, well, listen, it was for a show that we did about naked attraction. And she's like, I just don't understand some of the content. Yeah.

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And the only thing I got out of it was to see some girl's boobs because she changed in front of me. That was the only thing. I got no money. Worth it. Yeah, it was worth it. I just want it down at this Buckhead Club. But for a minute there, I saw the EDM. You likened yourself to an EDM promoter. I likened myself to an EDM promoter. It was fun while it lasted.

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And guess what the name of the company was that I created?

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Jam Land Productions.

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Hey, you sold that car yet?

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Jam Land Productions. Goes right along with that EDM flavor.

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Presented by Jam Land. Presented by Jam Land Productions. DJ shit for brains.

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And starring, and on the turntables, the world's lamest 54-year-old white man.

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We had this guy. He was a hippie. He was like a way hippie. And he was very not smart. He was like, his brain was fried. He would be like, huh? And he sold cocaine for like a living. That's what he did. But he decided that he was going to get in on Jam Land Productions, that he could do the turntables. And he got up one night. He got up one night last. There was no one in the club.

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It was like a Monday night. Chrissy, it was like a Monday night. It was the only night we could give anybody to give us a night. And so we put together a fashion show. That didn't work. We had DJ Shit for Brains play. That didn't work. There was like seven people in the club. Most of them were employees that were off. You know what I'm saying? Like employees that weren't working.

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It was really terrible. But the guy promised us a month. So on the fourth week... The guy who we, the DJ whatever, who was going to spin, who actually probably could have brought 10 or 15 people into the door because he kind of had been doing this for a while, he decided mysteriously to cancel. He was like, I'm sorry, guys, can't do it.

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And so we got this guy, Pete, the hippie, the 54-year-old, long-haired, tie-dye wearing, sandals covered. I mean, he wore sandals everywhere. And he was a backup. There was no place else to go with it. We needed somebody. And literally, the guy brought a tape player, plugged it in, and started playing live great.

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Hey, listen, he was being creative.

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So for this, we got like 20% of the door, which equals $0 every night, all four of those nights. And then we also got a $100 bar credit, which I would burn through in like a first hour. Of course. Because I'd be buying drinks for any girls that were, you know, I just was like.

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Hey. I was like.

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Well, I didn't. I didn't. What I did was I sent the audio. I sent just us in our reaction to the video. I didn't actually send the actual video because YouTube is not going to show it anyway. So what's the fucking point? I'm certainly not going to put a clip of that on Spotify. Can you imagine all our new Venezuelan listeners and all they see is a big uncircumcised penis?

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Hey, Jam Land Productions. Put it on the Jam Land tab. You should have seen these bartenders. They were like, I've seen a million of you. And you're making me work on a Monday night for no money. And you're not going to tip me. How do I know that? Because you can't afford to buy drinks. I would come in and I'd be wearing like a Huey Abera, like a Cuban short-sleeved shirt, middle of winter.

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Pants that were too big because I couldn't afford them. Yes. Birkenstocks. I'd come walking in like, you know, Mr. Club. And I'd be like, get the lighting on. Where's the speaker? Who got that? Are the girls ready?

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Do we have any dancing girls? Where's the smoke machine? I'd go in there. I took charge of the place. One time I walked back in the office of the club.

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And the guy goes like this. The manager goes like this.

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And I go, oh, I just had a question. And he was like, I'll be out in a minute. This is for management. Here, management. You're just a shithead that's making us no money. And so I was flying around the club, talking to seven, you know, trying to make, you know, I was the guy. I was doing nothing, actually. It's probably what I was doing. Sweating.

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I had got four nights and none of them had worked out. I was so bad at this.

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And, you know, once the guy plugged in the tape player to play his old Grateful Dead, I just, I didn't even ask for another.

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San Francisco 78 plus Enya. Yeah. I'm going to put it together.

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Sugar magnolia down by the sunshine.

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So let me explain that once that guy got on there and he actually tried to mix the Grateful Dead live shows with a beat, it was all over. It was game over. The manager came over to me and he was like, what is this? And I go, well, listen, he's got kind of this new style. It's like a little bit, he's trying to mix the jamming with the, and he's like, I don't think this works, man.

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And I was like, well, what do you want me to do? I mean, you know, we had our guy cancel on us. So do you mind if he just kind of plays it out?

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The club closed at 2 a.m. This guy maybe started at 10.30 p.m. The club mysteriously had to close at midnight.

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Not a one person. Not one. Everybody scattered. The seven people that were there scattered. Listen, I don't claim to be a business genius. Just look at the commercial break. But I will tell you this. At least I've tried.

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What's that? Dippity-dabbled.

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Oh, man, did I dibbity dabble. Hey, man, can that $100 go toward cocaine?

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Yeah, do you have any? I got a bar credit. Can I transfer that to the guy at the end of the bar who's clear is selling cocaine? Is that okay with you? How about giving me a tip, asshole, and then we'll talk. All right, bro. Don't get all upset.

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Another Bud Light. That's the other thing, the club guy running around with a Bud Light in his hand. What an asshole I was.

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Anyway, here in Atlanta, when it's when there's snow, when there's threat of snow, when there's threat of winter weather, it is just like it's like a sport here in Atlanta. It's like a sport to see who can cancel school first. How many days can we not go to work and how many people can freak out over nothing, quite frankly. Now, to be fair. In the occasion when, and there's been many of these.

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True. I did have my Cuban shirt on. I've been a real asshole in my life. That's what I'm coming to realize. I'm kind of a jerk-off. When you get older, you realize.

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When you get older, you realize that all those things you say about yourself, they're true.

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All right, well, we'll try again tomorrow. Why not?

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Gustavo going to come in and make an appearance next week. Don't miss out on it. TCB infomercial for you on Tuesday. We had guests lined up, but at least one of them is canceled because of the wildfires.

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Yeah, we didn't get a chance to talk about that, but I hope everybody's doing okay out in Los Angeles, our agents out there, people that we know. So God bless. That's crazy. That is apocalyptic. That is apocalyptic.

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Oh, I thought you were selling to that guy.

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I can deal with ice and snow. Fire, that's scary. I don't want anything to do with that. So, God bless you. If you're out in Los Angeles, let us know you're okay. Dial us up. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, job ideas for Brian. What's next? Right. We'll take them all right there at the phone number. You can also leave us a voicemail if you're so brave.

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CCBpodcast.com. That's where you find all the audio, all the video. It's all there, right there on the website. So if you're a browser kind of person, feel free to browse. Go browse.

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Except the naked attraction one. Maybe that's where we should post it, is on the website. Like, you must be 18 to view this kind of thing. But don't mind our spelling. One of my brothers just texted me. I saw that.

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I did. Did my brother text you too?

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Oh, you mean on the website?

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I'll tell you. Okay, anyway. No, my brother was pointing out a typo in our actual website. He's like, I think you misspelled this. We'll get it right. It's only been up there for a year. We'll get it right eventually. Don't worry about it. All right. Add the commercial break on Instagram. On TikTok. I'm wondering where Pete went. Whatever happened to Pete?

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I know. I know what happened to Pete. He actually bought Jam Land Productions. He bought it from us for $500 and a gram of cocaine. And YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break for every single episode of The Commercial Break now on video. So go ahead and check that out. We certainly would appreciate it. Subscribe, like on your favorite videos. Do us a favor.

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All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, we will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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of cocaine. It's not going to be great.

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When the weather people tell us it's not going to snow.

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Yeah, boom. Six inches of ice, no power for two weeks.

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Truckers are shitting on the highway.

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The National Guard is picking people up out of their hot vehicles. They always get it wrong. Always. So when they say there's going to be three to six inches of snow where we are right now, I just don't believe it. I don't have any reason to believe it because it never comes true.

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Yeah, I know. Maybe AI can help. But they don't seem to be getting any better at this. And here's the thing. What? Everybody will remember a couple of events here in Atlanta having to do with wintery mix. The year of the Super Bowl, whatever that was, 2002? No, well... 2003?

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Okay. All right. So actually four separate events. The first one, and all of them I got stuck in strange circumstances. Let me explain. First one, weather people don't call it, and there literally was like 18 inches of snow. This is back in the 90s. I was stuck. Like 95? Yeah, 94, 95. I went to my friend's older sister's house at Georgia Southern University.

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I've told that story before where I made out with some girl and then she freaked out because I was underage. And she had some guy call and threaten me like he was his boyfriend. Anyway, all right. I'm not going to repeat the story. It was kind of gross and people didn't like it. All right, so... Christina remembers it. So she's thanking God I'm not repeating the story. The smell. That's all I got.

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I can just remember the smell of that situation. But I got stuck in Georgia Southern at Georgia Southern University for days. My dad had to pay for a hotel room because we couldn't literally couldn't drive back to Atlanta. Then there is the 2002-2003 ice storm. Uh-huh. When overnight, we accumulated five to six inches of not snow, not rain, ice.

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Just like that?

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And it literally turned to ice as soon as it hit the ground, hit the wires, hit the cars. And everybody was socked in for days. This crippled the city in a way that I will never forget because I went without power and heat for four or five days. We had to open the oven. We had to turn the oven on and open it to get heat in the house. That's safe. And I was doing blow. Oh.

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What story of Brian's doesn't include the word blow if it's previous to 2007?

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Dee was able to get out. We managed to connect before the ice storm. So thank God I had my supplies. Most people go for bread and milk. Brian's going for blow and Bud Light. I was over at – remember I told the story how one of my friends wanted me to kind of cuck his wife? He was gay and he wanted me to kind of cuck his wife. You worked with her. No, I worked with him at the La Strada.

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And then he left to go work at the gay bar overnight. And he asked me to take care of his wife while he was out at the gay bar doing his thing. And I took care of her. And what we really ended up doing a lot of times was just sitting around doing drugs. And so like many other nights before, we decided that we were going to do drugs.

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And when we did this, we start to realize that shit outside was getting a little bit hairy. We and the gay bar closed early because it was getting hairy. And so we had to drive down to pick all kind of fucking twisted. We drove down to pick him up on the highway. sliding from one lane to the other. The scariest ride I've ever taken. Maybe because of the cocaine.

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Maybe because it was actually scary. Not really sure. But we slid back and forth all the way to pick him up. By the time we got back north of Atlanta, things were just bad.

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Transformers were exploding. Trees were falling. And I lived about four miles down Roswell Road. And a decision was made. There was no more driving going to be done. I walked that four miles back to where I was living. And I'll never forget this.

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It took me hours to walk home. Hours to walk home. I just remember slipping and sliding everywhere.

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I don't know why I had to go home. I think I was on coke and I was getting uncomfortable and I was worried I was going to get stuck. And there was a cat in the apartment. And I, you know, if I was doing blow, I was not having an allergic reaction. But after the effects of my decongestant wore off, I was going to have it. A panic attack. And, you know, I'm really allergic to cats.

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And so I just think I just got in my own head. And I'm like, I got to go. I got to get back home. I don't want to be stuck here for days. And at that time, now we had the news on and the news was saying, holy shit, what we said wasn't going to happen, happened.

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The whole city sucked in and no one has power. So when I'm walking home, I remember walking toward a gas station on Roswell Road, and there was a light post, had a transformer on it, one of those round things that sits up there that converts, whatever the fuck that does. That thing exploded when I was about a football field away from it, and I could feel it in my testicles.

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It was the loudest, deepest explosion I had ever heard. It hurt my ears, and the light was like a thousand suns. It was crazy. Boom.

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just exploded sparks flying everywhere and so i started to hustle up just a little bit quicker toward home trees branches falling cracking it was the apocalypse and brian's walking home i had a perfectly warm place to sleep by the way the apartment that i left had power the entire time the apartment that i went back to had no power when i got home for four days i had no power

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Then, of course, the great shit, 75 shit storm of 2013.

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When I was on the second date, my second date with a girl who I. Yes. Anyway. Yes. She came over to my house to watch a movie. And I'll never forget. We watched Inception is the movie that we watched. And I smoked cigarettes at the time. So did she. And so as the movie ended, we decided to go outside and smoke a cigarette. When we started Inception, it was raining.

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We went out almost three hours later to go smoke a cigarette.

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It went crazy quickly. And I lived in an apartment. And if you walked outside of my apartment, I was on like, you know, it was one of these that kind of sits on the side of a hill. And that hill pointed toward I-75, which is the major artery that goes right through the city. So I live downtown right off. And I say right off 75, right off 75. I could see it when I walked into my apartment. Yeah.

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And as we woke up the next, so of course she couldn't go anywhere. She was scared to drive. I agreed with her. There were a lot of, the problem with the city of Atlanta is it's very hilly and none of our streets are congruent. There is no going around the block in Atlanta. If you head onto a street, you're kind of stuck there for the next 10 miles. You know what I'm saying?

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You can't go around the block. You have to grid. Someone was on acid when they developed the city of Atlanta. Cause it's crazy. So the next morning when we woke up and we are watching this, this is night number one on the second date I have with this young lady. We're into like the 24th hour of this date. When I...

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Woke up the next morning, I turn on the TV and I see that the helicopters are flying above the highway where I live. Like I could go outside. I could hear the helicopters above me. The TV cameras are literally down on the street because there are thousands of vehicles that are stuck in there, stuck right there where I live, like on 75, stuck right there. People are stuck.

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The National Guard is called in to try and bring them water and food. I walked outside to go see what was going on. And as I look over the balcony, there was a trucker in the woods down the hill where I live. There was a trucker, his ass full of glory. Letting the hot shit out right there on the side of the highway.

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For a minute there, I saw the EDM.

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I was like, oh, my God. I thought transformer explosion was apocalypse. This felt much more like apocalypse to me. So in the good spirit of being an Atlantan, we made a pot of coffee, a big couple pots of coffee, and we went out there and started bringing coffee.

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We allowed people to relieve themselves.

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I likened myself to an EDM promoter. It was fun while it lasted. And guess what the name of the company was that I created?

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Coffee's going to speed that up. Oh, yeah. So we brought coffee. We brought water. We made a couple of trips out. That was also a slippery. We were kind of sliding down the ramp. Oh, yeah. But that's what we did. Anyway, day number five. Still a little sloggy out there on the roads. But now I could see that cars were out there driving. Moving.

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On the side streets, not on the highway yet, because eventually the National Guard got everybody out of their car, took them to wherever it is they were going, like a cab service, and the cars just sat there on the highway. Yeah, they did. And the governor, like seven days into this, had to say on TV, if you don't move your car today, we are going to tow you. You need to move your car.

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And I know for a fact that the lady I had with the bad massage had an accent that would like a foreign accent that would be very recognizable. So I get into the place, you know, I go, I change. I lock myself out of my locker. So I'm in my underwear and I have to like open the door and hope that an employee walks by.

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I just locked it and you have to press in the numbers before you lock it or else it's the last person's code. And so then it just started yelling at me. It was like, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, red, red, red. And I was like, okay, all right. So here I am, you know, fat, you know. At least you had your underwear on. Man boobs. Like, yeah, at least I had my underwear on.

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So then she comes in and she was like this. She literally put her hands like horse blinders. And she's like, I just want to make sure no one else is in here. And I'm like, no, I'm the only I'm the only old fat guy you're going to see today. So thank you. All right. I mean, she was like young, too. And I think she was like, oh, God, this is not I don't get paid enough for this.

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Best to you, Chris.

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Best to you, Brian.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Why not? Start off with a race. A race. Do you remember that movie with Mr. Bean, like the Great Race or whatever it was called?

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I don't get paid enough to look at this guy naked. So I get in, I go, I sit. I'm sitting in the waiting room. They have a fire going. No matter how fucking hot it is outside, these people have a fire going in the waiting room. But fine, whatever. It's nice and it's relaxing. And cucumber water. And cucumber water. There's some ladies trying to talk to me. She's like, so are you here for a massage?

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No, I'm sitting in a robe. I'm sitting in a robe waiting to get my oil changed.

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All right. So. People are getting called one by one. I'm there just a couple minutes early. Door opens. Brian? And to my relief, there's no foreign accent. And I'm like, okay. All right. Thank God.

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And I turn the corner and I recognize it's the lady that I really enjoyed the massage with the last time. That she was a pro. She knew exactly what she was doing. Enough pressure to get the knots out. I don't mind a deep, like I don't mind you getting in there with your elbow. Yeah. Because my back is a hot mess. Like a lot of people, you know, like a lot of people.

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I'm not the only one in the world with knots in their back and holding your stress in your shoulders.

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So I tell her, yeah. So I tell her this funny story, you know, so we're talking, she's asking, you know, she's like, okay, I think I remember. And you know, okay, we'll get that and we'll do your whatever. And I'd say, Hey, listen, I got to tell you a funny story on the way here. My wife tells me this. I tell her the whole story and she goes, Oh my God, that's so funny. And I go, yeah.

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And you know, it was just like the whole time she was talking the entire time. And that was just made it like a little bit uncomfortable. Yeah. Okay, fast forward to 90 minutes later, the two of us yackles have not shut up the entirety of the 90 minutes. Not one moment of silence in the entire massage. The two of us were just yucking it up the entire time.

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Yes, yes, that's right.

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It's just like, I just demonized this poor girl in my head because she would not shut up and I would not shut up the entire massage. I talked the entire time, the entire time. I mean, honestly, I left and I was like, oh, that was it. And she gave me a great massage, by the way. And we were laughing and joking and, you know, having fun and talking about wild, weird stuff.

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I don't know, for some reason I remember finding that, thinking I found that movie extraordinarily funny, as Mr. Bean ran around and goes, it's a race. Yeah. I just, like, raced to the chair to put my earphones on and fix all the things that are wrong with the studio.

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She was like telling me about how she believed that Chris Rock was slapped on stage because the Masons hit a rock. And it was like a symbology of some sort. I mean, listen, not my flavor of conspiracy theory, but okay, it's each their own. She told me what shoes I should be wearing when I was running.

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She explained that there's a pillow that can help me with my – she had a large variety of conversation. Sounds like it. And it was great. I just chatted it up. I felt like I did an episode of the commercial break is really what I felt like. And it was good. I had a great one. And she gave me a great massage in the meantime.

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And, you know, so I want to say to the masseuse who will never listen to this show and never understood that I didn't care for that massage, that I'm sorry I demonized you for talking so much because I turned around and did the exact same thing. After I told the lady that I was upset for the last massage.

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It's fine. I'm good.

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Yes.

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It really is. I think I was sharing this with my masseuse, who I won't name. And by the way, now she knows the show. She's probably listening to this, right?

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Retail, hotel, restaurant.

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Be on the other side so that you have just a little bit more empathy for the people who are bringing your food, making your coffee, doing your dry cleaning, you know, serving you at the hotels, the restaurants, the resorts.

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Me too.

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The real job was a clear channel knocking on dry cleaner doors.

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Yes.

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You can always go back to it. I had considered it a couple of times during the run of the commercial break, actually.

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Okay. Are you going to go back? to doing restaurant work? Yeah, it's one of those things that you can always rely on. And one of those things that gives you some perspective about what it's like to do service for others, even if that is you're getting paid. Bad tippers have never worked in a restaurant. Never. Guarantee it. Guarantee it. Yep.

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Yes, good old updates. Updates almost took a salt. One simple computer update almost took the entire show down. Astrid called me this morning. She goes, um...

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Love some of my family members, but a few of them are terrible tippers. And it drives me crazy. And I cringe every time we go out to eat with these people specifically because I know I'm going to have to make an excuse, go back. Sometimes I'll even bring, like, if I have it, cash, so that I know I've got to go back, run, and give an extra tip because I know what's about to happen.

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They're going to give 5% or 10% because they don't believe – And all of their children worked in the service business. And these masseuses are a special type of angel because they touch my nasty ass body to make me feel better for 90 minutes with their hands. That takes a lot of energy, effort, and just patience to do that with people. And training.

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And good training and constant learning and knowing the body. Listen, this girl was lovely. And she gave me a great massage. And I wasted, well, maybe I didn't waste 90 minutes of her life. Maybe I made it go a little bit quicker because I just decided to yak it up.

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I don't know. Like I was so upset about having to be in a talkative mood for the other girl. I got in a talkative mood and just decided to chat it up with her. So anyway, all right, let's talk about Bill Bellamy's and Belichick's girlfriend on the other side of the break. We'll be back.

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And I'm like, yeah, of course. I always put out an episode. You know, I'm pretty timely with that stuff. I always put out an episode. But I, in fact, did not put out an episode this morning. So some listeners recognize that and text it in. Chill out. It was like 8 o'clock in the morning. What are you guys doing up so early? Fuck that. Fuck that. It's too early.

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So 74-year-old Bill Belichick is dating 24-year-old, 24-year-old? 24-year-old Jordan Hudson.

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A year ago. A year ago, yeah. Back in Christmastime, because it was Thanksgiving Day, I think, that he was kind of caught on a ring cam, like leaving some shitty apartment complex in his underwear or something. In a bathrobe. He looked like Brian leaving the masseuse.

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Yeah.

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And so, you know, rumors fly as they do. And then fast forward. Now it's well known because they've taken a lot of photographs together. Bill Belichick.

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She was in a commercial. Oh, yeah. Like a Doritos commercial or something. Something like that. Cheetos, Doritos, Pizza Hut, Domino's. I don't know. One of those commercials. She was. And in an obvious ploy to either jump on the zeitgeist or get her some money that she needed, Bill kind of wrapped her into his world.

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And so, you know, since then, there's been some, I'd say, probably strange things that have happened regarding Bill Belichick, a notoriously private person, a notoriously quiet person. who led the Patriots with the help of Tom Brady to seven Super Bowls, I think, something like that.

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I'm not a Patriots fan, so I don't really know all the numbers, but nor am I really good at sports, so don't... Hold on one second.

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Ryan got it wrong, yeah.

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I put them out at midnight on the dot just for you. So when you wake up in the morning and your pretty little ears are waiting for Brian to scream and yell at you, you've got it ready to go. That's how it is, Chrissy.

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So... So Bill Belichick, this kind of notoriously like hermit crab of a human being, starts popping out of the woodwork, including jumping on social media, TikTok and Instagram, to start accounts at the behest of Jordan and starts posting pictures of them going to now these like kind of Hollywood-ish events.

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Oh, yeah.

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Yeah, I saw that.

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Yeah. On the beach, holding her up by his feet. You know, she was flying in the air, you know, as Instagram influencers are prone to do. 74 year old former Patriot head coaches, influencers are prone to do. It's all very odd. I am not here to cast dispersions on the age of a relationship as long as it's legal. I don't, as long as it's legal.

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Legal and appropriate are two totally different things in my mind. Is it appropriate? I don't know. I guess that's up to them. You can't really help who you fall in love with, I guess, at the end of the day. I'm not saying a 75-year-old should be with a 25-year-old, but I'm not saying it shouldn't happen either. I just don't know. It's not the first time. It won't be the last time. Oh, God, yeah.

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And obviously the angle here that a lot of people think is that she's after his fame and riches because she's a relatively unknown human being who jumps into the Bill Belichick spotlight. Actually, jumps into the Bill Belichick void. Really, he's nowhere to be found. He's not out at like, you know, Spago or Lago. He's not at Lago having yuckles with fucking Conan O'Brien.

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That's not what Bill Belichick does. But all of a sudden, he writes a book. He's on CBS News this morning. He's doing interviews. He's showing up at nightlife places. He's out and about on town. He's going to Hollywood red carpets. And all with Jordan right in tow. He's acting as his publicist, his PR person. This is all.

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That's what she said she was doing, was acting as she's now part of his team, quote unquote. OK, she's managing the situation. It's not hard to get Bill Belichick an interview since he notoriously doesn't do them. All you have to do is pick up the phone and ask anybody if they'd like to have Bill Belichick on. And they're going to say, yes, he's a seven time Super Bowl winner.

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He's a seven-time Super Bowl champ. But some people might argue one of the better coaches that's ever existed. But he, again, is totally oblivious to any of this starlet, star power type of bullshit. Oblivious or maybe willingly doesn't do it until Jordan shows up. And now he's out there on the scene. So what do we make of this? I don't know.

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We don't talk about that.

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They might be across the pond. That's right. In a race. In a race. In a race. We were talking about before we came on air, we were talking about this whole Bill Belichick thing, which I mistakenly thought was the Bill Bellamy thing. Chrissy said, have you heard of the Bill Belichick thing? And I go, who fucking cares about Bill Belichick? And she goes, Bill Belichick's girlfriend?

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That's right. I agree with you on this. But I agree with you that it leads to suspicion. The mind abhors a vacuum, and that's how all these crazy conspiracy theories get started is when the answers are not 100% clear. Why would she not want to answer that? I can think of a few things. Maybe they did meet on an app.

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Maybe they met on an app that they don't want people to know about, like, you know, sugardaddy.com or something like that.

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Or OnlyFans, yeah. Or, you know, maybe Bill was trolling Facebook for young women. I don't know. It's hard to know because... They don't say. Or maybe there is a friend or a family member that was involved in the meeting of these two that wants to remain nameless.

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And, you know, the heat's going to be on them if they say, well, we met through X and Y. And then that person, of course, is going to be hounded by the tabloids and the paparazzi trying to figure out what the real story is. So maybe they're just trying to protect the innocent.

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That is like my bottom line about this. There is a story here. Twenty seventy five year old, you know, former Super Bowl champ head coach meets twenty five year old. Nobody, you know, kind of rags to riches story, so to speak. That kind of meeting a prince story. An old prince. A king, if you will. Yes, like King Charles on his way out the door. That kind of story. But at the end of the day...

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Who cares? I mean, is Bill Belichick really the guy that we're interested in knowing all about his love life? No. There are so many others. Bill Bellamy, actually.

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Is more interesting.

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I don't know where Bill Bellamy is.

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He's been in some movies and stuff, I think. Has he? Bill Bellamy is a former MTV VJ from the 90s, I believe.

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Yeah.

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And if I'm not mistaken, he was part of the Woodstock 99. He's from Woodstock. He went to Woodstock 99. I think he was part of that coverage when they all had to like run out of the place because people were literally losing their shit and turning it into a riot. Yeah.

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Oh, he's back on the scene. Okay.

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Bill Bellamy making a comeback.

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He's part of the Deaf Comedy Jam. But honestly, Bill Bellamy hasn't been heard from in 20 years.

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Oh, he did. Okay. Well, there you go. Bill Bellamy. More interesting than Bill Belichick on any day of the week.

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Yes.

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I mean, at the end of the day, we're talking about it because everybody else is talking about it, but I really don't care how Jordan and Bill met. It's not of interest to me. Like, even if they say they met on a sugar daddy website, okay, all right.

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Listen, Bill seems to me like a guy who's just all consumed with his job, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, always recruiting, always thinking up the next play, always, you know, Riding Tom Brady's patootie. Those two just hand-in-hand having conversations.

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Yes, that's right. Figuring out ways to plant people. Figuring out ways to deflate footballs. There's a lot of different things that I imagine go into being a head coach of football. A football team. And so it's probably all-consuming.

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And I go, Bill, the old MTV VJ? Right. Does anyone really care about the old MTV VJ? He was hot for a while. He was hot for a while.

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And I would bet that if you would ask, 90% of the wives of head coaches of professional football teams or even college football teams don't see a lot of their husbands for about nine months a year. And so it's a hard thing to start a relationship when you're a head coach of a professional football team. Well, he's done. And now he's trying to recapture some of that youth that he had. He missed.

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50 years ago, but that's okay.

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I'm cool with it.

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Well, that really is, I think, the challenge.

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Yeah, but does Bill Belichick have children is the question. He does?

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Okay. So speaking of head coaches, did you hear about the guy who was supposed to go in the first round of the draft, DeAndre Sanders? Yes, of course. That was a little nice.

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Shadur Sanders was supposed to go, and I know this is going to bore people who don't want to pay attention to football, but I think this kind of breaks outside of just the football world. And this story, by the way, is a couple weeks old. You heard it here first on the commercial break. Best to you. Best to you. Best to you. Best to you.

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Oh, wait. There's one big surprise I'm keeping for you. I'm sorry. I just played with it all morning long and I was having fun. I was having fun. And I thought that was good. That's a good one. Best to you.

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That's a good one. Best to you. Best to you.

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Electronic keyboard in there. I said make it synthy and poppy. Shidhar Sanders, who is Neon Dion Sanders' son. is a quarterback, talented quarterback, who by some accounts had a really good season of college football.

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Yeah. Colorado. Yes, that's right. He played for his dad.

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So a lot of people, including the prognosticators who do this kind of thing, decided that he was going to go in the first round. He decided, it's a predict, that he was going to go in the first round of the draft of And just so you know, the NFL draft is now 24 hours a fucking day on ESPN for like three days in a row.

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I had no idea until about a decade ago, and it's just gotten crazier how interesting people find the NFL draft. I understand if you're getting a good guy on your team, that makes you really excited. But who are these people who are showing up to these huge stadiums?

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Yes.

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And there's like people from every team. They show up so much so that this year it was like an outdoor stadium. And people, I was watching the fourth round of the draft. And they were like choosing. Yeah. I know. They were going crazy. Let me give a little example here. Choosing now the 375th thousandth pick in the 2025-26 draft. Clowney from DeVry. And people go, ah, Clowney, we got Clowney.

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I know. They're freaking out. While everybody else around them is like snoring because they have to wait three hours for the next time their team gets picked.

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Instamillionaire, right? But now in college, you're an instamillionaire if you do well. Anyway, Shadara Sanders is supposed to go in the first round of the draft, and a lot of people thought that was like a lock. First round, second round, third round. He's not picked. Yeah, it was all the talk. It was all the talk. Why was he going so low in the draft?

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Well, from the 15 minutes of coverage that I watched, the ESPN commentators who had to refer to it every 30 seconds or they were going to lose ratings. I mean, it became kind of like a ratings getter. I think now everybody, including myself, was tuned in to see when and if he was going to get picked. They were all saying that, listen, could be a combination of a couple things.

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He comes from a family of kind of like loud, maybe some people consider obnoxious football players. He might be more trouble than it's worth. Some people thought that he played for a team that played other teams that weren't that great. And his stats were whatever. And he doesn't have the arm to throw whatever the deal is. I don't know.

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But when you're supposed to go first and you don't go till like, I don't know, 236 or something like that. I don't know. Do, do, do, do, do, do.

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Yeah, fourth or fifth round, I think. But I don't know. I don't know. Brian got it wrong. Okay, I don't know. But that's not the point of the story. Okay, so he's waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. Camera's all over him. And the entire world is waiting for this Sanders guy to get picked. And he's not getting picked.

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Call after call, you know, hour after hour, day after day, he's just not getting called. Except he is getting called. He's getting a phone call on a phone, a burner phone that he got specifically for a team to give him a call. So his personal cell phone, he knew it was had a lot of a lot of people were going to be calling his personal cell phone. So they got him a phone.

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with one phone number, and they gave it to each team coordinator so that if he got picked, that team coordinator could call that phone and let him know he was picked. That phone was not supposed to ring until and if he got picked. And because of all the drama and attention surrounding this, You know, that phone number was valuable.

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And everyone, I'm sure, every news media outlet in the world wanted that phone number. Well, Jeff Ulbrich, who is a, I think it's Jeff Ulbrich, a guy who is coaching for the Falcons. Yes, our team here in Atlanta. Jeff Ulbrich, a defensive coordinator for the Atlanta Falcons, had the phone number. Because, of course, he did. You know, the team had the phone number. So he had the phone number.

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His snotty little kid, who's like a teenager, found the phone number and decided that on this day, the best prank in the world that he could play was to call Shador and pretend that he was a team calling to pick him in the draft. You get the prank phone call is that he calls the phone number that's only going to be called when he's picked and he picks it up and pretends that

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that he has gotten picked in the draft. Well, quickly everybody realizes that that's not true. I mean, of course, there's a million people coordinating all these things, and you're going to be found out pretty quickly. But Jeff Ulbrich's son decides to videotape this and then put it on fucking social media. He decides to videotape himself.

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Prank phone calling Mr. Sanders to tell him he was drafted when in fact he was not drafted. Raising the hopes of everybody in the Sanders family, including, you know, all the agents and the press and the paparazzi. That phone rings and he answers it. And his dad. Namely his dad. Yeah.

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Deion Sanders, who's probably freaking out with every additional pick that his son is the best and he's going to get hundreds of millions of dollars and all this other stuff and he's not going in the draft. And that phone rings and everybody fucking freaks. Only within a few seconds, they realize that that's not it.

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Well, Jeff O'Brick's son videotapes himself doing this and puts it on the fucking internet. My uncle used to say something to kids. And now I want you to listen to me.

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I wanted this to be serious. I want these kids to understand something. And I'm going to tell my kids this. Do not fuck up while you're fucking up. Do you understand what I'm saying? Anybody who has a brain in their head will understand what I'm saying. And this is wise advice. And by the way, I keep saying my uncle said this to me. I don't know who said this to me, actually.

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I just have said it forever and I remember it this way. Don't fuck up while you're fucking up. It's great advice to live by. If you get the guy's phone number and you decide to make that prank phone call, do not videotape it and put it on the internet for everyone and their mother to recognize what a dumb shit you are.

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This has got to be one of the dumbest things you could have ever done because now your dad was fine. The FCC is looking into it.

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Like his dad is pissed. They fined the Falcons $250,000, Ulbricht $100,000 in response to the situation. Excuse me, the kid was 21 years old. Jax Ulbricht wrote down the number from his father's open iPad while visiting his parents' house to conduct a prank phone call. And I promise my son and I will work hard to demonstrate we are better than this. Of course, this is all PR speak.

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So chat GPT, you know, we're all getting a little used to this AI thing and we're all trying to figure it out. So chat GPT as we're moving into doing 36 interviews in one month because of the 12 hours of TCB and it just happens to be interview season. I have trained AI to do one thing really well, and it's really the only thing that I use it for. Well, there's two things that I use it for.

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They probably got like one of those PR firms that I'm sure we're going to have to call at some point. Yeah, we better have one of those.

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Is that PR company? Yeah, but there's specialized companies that come in during times of shit, and they just— They can do it.

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Yeah, they write really fancy press releases that make it sound like you're really sorry when you're not. Sorry, I'm going to rehab. Sorry, I'm going to take some time to myself. Sorry, I'm going to go away and reflect on my actions. You know, there's like step-by-step A's and B's. We're going to be Beth. Yeah, I'm gonna be best. Be best. That's the stupidest phrase. That's best to you.

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Honestly, it is. So this kid does this, and now his dad's $350,000 in the hole. I mean, I don't know what you get paid as a defensive coordinator. Probably a million, million and a half a year or something like that.

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He fucked up with the team.

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Yes.

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If this guy doesn't have one of the best defensive years in the NFC, AFC, NFC, whatever the fuck we're in, then I promise you Jeff Ulbrich is not returning to the Falcons. Arthur blank do not play kid.

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He has desperately wanted a winning team forever and never had one. I mean, one year we went to the Super Bowl, one year, and got stomped. By who? The Patriots. The Patriots. That's right.

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Bringing it all back to Bill Belichick and Bill Bellamy. All right? And by the way, the last time the Falcons were in the Super Bowl was when Bill Bellamy was on MTV.

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Yes. We'll take a break. Best to you.

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Best to you. Best to you.

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In the Brian Got It Wrong department, they have picked a new pope. As we're sitting here recording right now, I'm just seeing that the new pope is going to greet the throngs, the masses, in just a few minutes. So I guess we'll follow up on that next week. But very interesting. I assumed it would take a very long time for that to happen. So there you go.

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One is I ask it to do chapters on our show. So I'll say, hey, can you take this file and do chapters on the show that I can then put into YouTube or – Or into our hosting system called Megaphone. The other thing that I ask it to do is I ask it to do deep research on our guests because that's a really hard thing to do. We used to have like five people doing the research for the guests.

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I called a month. And it took less than 24 hours. Yeah. Less than 24 hours. They just got in there yesterday. I think we were talking about this yesterday at this time and they were just entering the conclave and they puffed that black smoke yesterday. And so, well, okay, there you go. Hey, why not? Not that I really care.

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I was just hoping for some like long drawn out process so it could make some drama. I did. I wanted the Italian media to go crazy, but they didn't. Now they're just, well, I hope it's a good pope for all those who care. Okay, one of the things that is interesting, did you send that to me? I did. Chrissy found an article, and I've heard about this before, about the raves, the VR raves. VR raves.

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Raving is back. For those of you that don't know, raving was a thing that started back in the 70s and 80s, I think, in the underground club scene. When electronic dance music or disco and electronic dance music really started to hit the scene, people would put on these kind of underground parties. I mean, you can think about this like Club 54, Studio 54 really probably would be one of the first.

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I don't know because I'm not a historian on this, but I would imagine that's one of the places that really bred this kind of party culture. Go do drugs, dance all night long or don't do drugs, but, you know, party, just party all night long. Get out in the sun. This has been going on in Europe for a long time. The Germans are known for this. The Swiss are known.

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There's a lot of different cultures that have this kind of party all night long and listen to a certain type of music, more specifically electronic dance music, EDM. So this culture was really hot in the 90s. Oh, yeah. I went to a number of them myself. I did too.

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When you would get the chocolate chip ecstasy, like the really early ecstasy pills that some people claimed were like, you know, meth and heroin mixed together. Who knows what I was taking?

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That's all I know. Made you feel good. And then you would just dance. You'd have that, you know, lovely I love you energy and you just dance the night away. And a lot of times these were in warehouses and fields.

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People's houses sometimes, you know, these really small events like the Acid Fest, you know, trip fest that we did. Only that wasn't electronic dance music. That was Pink Floyd, The Wall. Not exactly the same vibe, but, you know, you can get it. So these parties were in England. Sometimes they'd be thousands of people would show up in mass to one location based on flyers that were passed out.

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There was no email largely available back then. So, you know, I don't need to tell you. If you've been alive on this earth for more than 21 years, then you know what a rave is. At least you've heard about them. This culture is back. It went away for a little while, largely.

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And there's been a lot of articles about how raving as a culture just kind of died down once ecstasy went away and harder drugs hit the scene, like meth and not heroin, but fentanyl. Once these synthetic drugs hit the scene, the culture kind of died a little bit because that lovey-dovey dance-all-night energy turned into something else.

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And I read this really well-written article, and I forget which. I wish I could cite the author or the magazine, but of course.

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Okay. But he wrote this like five-page essay on the rave culture and how it was officially dead. Well, it's back. And I've heard about this. And it's back online, virtual reality.

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You don't need to be in the same room. You don't need to leave the comfort of your home. There's no getting taxis here or there. No chance you're going to get caught by security, you know, tooting in the bathroom or whatever. None of that shit. You are officially dead. In your bedroom, raving with others in a VR world.

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And since we make no money here, we can't afford those five people anymore. Right. So what I said, what I trained ChatGPT to do was anytime that we have a guest, I ask it to go do deep research on the guest.

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Listen, I really thought this metaverse... was good for nothing i'm sure it still is but there are people out there who are going to these raves and like chrissy said 60 hour drug fest simulated sex fests this virtual reality world like everything else technology wise is being driven by sex and drugs Sex and drugs at all, because those because these are the things that humans need to do.

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It's we're hardwired for that. We're hardwired to follow the dopamine. We're hardwired to procreate those two things. So when it seems base, like it seems crass that I say that sex really drove the evolution of the Internet, porn, sex. It's really not. It's like one of the human – it's the basic ingredient to life. We need to recreate. We need to procreate.

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And so that instinct, that base instinct drives us to think of new ways and new things and that dopamine that we get from it.

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makes that base feeling to chase that dopamine is why we do drugs it's escapism and and sex and all that other stuff well now you put on that fucking mark goddamn zuckerberg helmet and you go for 60 hours and you rave yeah these people have like the body tracker things you put on too oh yeah they feel they have like things yeah body trackers and then they have these sensation suits that can they have pressure sensors and they wow they're

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At least he's doing it from the safety of his own home. I will say that.

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Listen, if you're doing drugs in 2025, hard drugs, and you're not getting a fentanyl test – you're as good as dead. It's Russian roulette every time. Now, I also realize that hype on the streets, hype outside the streets doesn't always mean truth on the streets.

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And then a couple of days ahead of time, I can start digesting that information, going and watching links and specials and the highlights of someone's career, which, you know, we don't tend to be like if you listen to the commercial break, then you'll know that our interviews are not the this is your life type of interview, which a lot of people do. But we don't have the time.

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But I think we've seen enough cases of people who've wrongly, mistakenly taken something and died to know that even if it happened just a couple of times or someone mistakenly took the wrong drug or thought they were taking blow or were taking fentanyl, I would be testing my drugs for sure. When I get back into drugs... When I retire, I'm going to be testing my drugs. That's all I got to say.

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All right. So I went out there and quickly found a video about someone who went to one of these dance parties. And so let's watch this. I'm going to give just for a few seconds before we before we head out of here and find out who the pope is. OK, this is someone. Otterly world.

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Otter worldly. Excuse me. Wait, hold on one second. Okay, you talk, Chrissy.

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Eat, sleep, VR, repeat. Okay, all right. Let me see if I can make it work. Now, go.

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It's very interesting.

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Yeah, but these graphics seem like they're Atari. You know what I'm saying? Like these graphics don't seem all that impressive to me.

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You're in it. You're there. You're part of it. Maybe it looks a little bit more 3D.

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3412.45

Yeah. And Fatboy Slim had one hit. And he's breaking it out right at the beginning. If you're going to go for a 60-hour rave, I think you save that for some time toward the end, don't you? Okay.

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I wonder if Fatboy uses ChatGPT.

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We only request an hour from our guests because, quite frankly, that's my attention span limit is one hour. But also, we don't want to tax the guest with some lengthy interview, especially when we don't know them.

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This is so cool. I don't know if this is one of the coolest things I've seen or one of the things that makes me feel like humanity probably doesn't have a stand a chance of making it past the AI revolution. To me, this is bad graphics.

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Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

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maybe not my fat fat boy slim isn't my favorite artist ever and it looks like i'm a little lonely because even the crowd seems sparse yeah and weird it looks like i showed up to a party that i would show up to you know we know what i'm saying like if i'm yes if i'm gonna show up to a party i wanted to be a party like i think somebody else would go to do you know you understand like what i'm saying to you okay well at least there's other people there i guess yeah

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There are literally like seven people at this rate.

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Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

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Yeah, that's how it works in the metaverse. Well, your username, anyway. If someone is screaming to me, eat, sleep, rave, repeat, I would just be going absolutely bananas.

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Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

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It's Fatboy Slim. That's what you got to do. All right.

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Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

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Okay. We'll investigate it some more another time. All right, kids. That's all I got for you today. But I love you. And just know that. And everything will be okay. Everyone will be all right. Even with the meta raving, we're going to be just fine.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

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Yeah.

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Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

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To each their own. Yeah, but Fatboy Slim.

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Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

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No, it's definitely not the same concert. I don't think the hardcore ravers are showing up to the Fatboy Slim concert and vice versa. Do you know what I'm saying? I don't think Fatboy Slim is showing up to the hardcore raves.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

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It says Norm's Drive-In. Why am I going to Norm's for the party? I don't know. Anyway, the 12 Hours of TCB is coming at you May 31st. Be here with us starting at 10 a.m. or 9 a.m. Pay attention. Just hang tight. We're going to be there. Don't worry. For 12 episodes, 13 episodes, 14 episodes of The Commercial Break. We'll figure it out on the day of. Just show up. May 31st.

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They've done it a million times somewhere else.

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Celebrating mental health. Celebrating five years. Not celebrating.

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Celebrating our mental health. The five years of The Commercial Break. Six seasons of TCB. And shedding a little light on mental health. And your need to be aware about your own mental health. I guess it's a bad way to say that. Oh, Lord. Okay. I'm going to try it in this episode.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

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Yeah, exactly. I want to get something else out of them. I would rather pretend like I just met them at a bar and we were having a conversation. If you met... Margaret Cho at a bar or Kyle Kinane at a bar. You met Margaret Cho at a bar?

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I can't.

The Commercial Break

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All right. Brought to you by Covert Creative. Odyssey Podcasts and Original Podcasts and CTV. And, of course, us, The Commercial Break. Okay, 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, we take them all right there. Or you can leave us a message, and you, too, can be on the next episode of The Commercial Break.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

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Add The Commercial Break on Instagram, TCB Podcast on TikTok, and YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break. Rate us on Apple and Spotify, TCBPodcast.com for your free swag. Okay. I think I did okay.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

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That's all I can do for now. I know.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

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I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. A, B, S, pom-pom. Until next time, goodbye.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

380.904

Oh, that's right. You did say that to her when she came on. But if you met Kyle Kinane or Margaret Cho, Des Bishop, Hannah Burke, whoever, what a name the person that we've had on the show. If you met them at a bar, you wouldn't say so. You started your career in 1983 with a cameo appearance on Silver Spoons. I mean, you just wouldn't do that. Or where were you born? Yeah, where were you born?

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Tell me about your journey to get to comedy. Right. I mean, no offense to anyone who does interviews like that. And some people, quite frankly, think my own interview style is really obnoxious. And I've heard it. So you don't have to text in and say it again. I've heard it. Trust me, the comments that are terrible are the loudest and I hear them. But in any case, we just have conversation.

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Even sometimes the agents, especially with the bigger names, they'll write in and they'll say, can we get some questions ahead of time? So we're prepared. And we have a stock response. Aster just cuts and pastes it. Brian and Chrissy like to have a conversation with our guys. In other words, we're too dumb to have an actual interview with them. And too scared to ask them the tough questions.

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So we're just going to talk to them about whatever's on our mind. But I find that that often leads to a more interesting conversation. And at least those who like the commercial break have some of them have said so. So we'll keep doing that because that's easy. So, hey, can you but I like to be informed about the guests. We've had I think Astrid counted them. We've had 68 guests on the show so far.

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Wow. And I just want to know who they are, especially if they're not in my purview, like my everyday feed or whatever. Okay. All right. So, Chad. Here's how I like the deep research done. Here's what I like. Please go do this. Okay.

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I just locked it, and you have to press in the numbers before you lock it, or else it's the last person's code. And then it just started yelling at me. It was like, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, red, red, red. And I was like, okay, all right. So here I am, you know, fat, you know. At least you had your underwear on. Man boobs. Like, yeah, at least I had my underwear on.

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Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

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So then the other day I asked, we're having an AI system transcribe all of the episodes and put the transcript on a server so that we can, like when I say, okay, I'm going to do a best of about Frankie B. We're going to do the 12 hours of TCB. I want to pull some clips. I can search through the transcripts real quick and pull up all the references.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

504.724

Look at us. Look at us. Look at us.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

514.633

Yeah, but listen. OK, so chat. So I'm asking this AI system to do it. So I say, hey, please tell me what some of the most the biggest running themes of the show are. And what I wanted to tell me is what are the things we've talked about most like mountain monsters, whatever. You know what it said? Brian gets it wrong. Number one theme.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

544.473

And so I was like, so I literally responded to it.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

548.775

I need a song for that. And it goes, I can help create a song for that. Here are some suggestions. So I wrote the lyrics and then I said, okay, make me a song in this style. Make it 80s cheese rock. And there it goes. I wrote a song about Jackie Beans. I wrote a song about Bestie. I've always wanted to have like this kind of like, you know, fun songs on the show.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

570.743

Yes.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

571.283

But it's really expensive to get musicians to do it. And I've paid some musicians and it's failed miserably. It's just been terrible. I mean, terrible. But God bless them. They're trying to take what's inside my head and put it on sheet music. It's really hard to do that.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

586.977

So if you're a musician out there and you'd like to work with us and you think you get the commercial break, text me 212-433-3822. I'd rather work with a musician. But anyway, I was just having fun.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

597.666

In a pinch, I use chat GPT or some offshoot of chat GPT. So there you go. Our new house band is chat GPT. Every musician in our audience just turned off the commercial break. We just lost every one of them. Hey, listen, I'm sorry, guys. I'm just having fun. And, you know, when you find a tool that's cool, then you use it.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

620.163

And, you know, I don't want to shy away from using the tools that every other human being is currently using.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

630.32

I went to a massage yesterday. So Astrid got me a surprise massage. So listen to this. Okay. And then we'll get to Bill Bellamy's girlfriend.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

641.544

It is old news, but I think it's worth talking about. It's weird. The whole situation is strange. But who am I to cast dispersions? But anyway. I wake up on Saturday morning, all of a sudden there's like a calendar notification. You're invited to a 90-minute massage on this day.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

66.562

So then she comes in, and she was like this. She literally put her hands like horse blinders. And she's like, I just want to make sure no one else is in here. And I'm like, no, I'm the only I'm the only old fat guy you're going to see today. So thank you. I mean, she was like young, too. And I think she was like, oh, God, this is not I don't get paid enough for this.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

660.789

I know. And we had gotten these gift cards for Christmas, but I kept refusing to go because I was like, you know when you have kids, all of a sudden everything gets deprioritized financially. Right. Everything. New shoes, new clothes. I used to buy a new wardrobe. When Astrid and I first met, I'd buy a new wardrobe every two months.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

680.207

But now, I think this is the same T-shirt I've been wearing all five seasons. Six seasons. So she keeps saying, go get the massage. Go get the massage. And I say, no. We have gift cards. I know. But then it's like a $70 tip. And by the time you leave, some fucking cream they want you to have and some special bunion sauce or whatever. By the time you leave, it's $700. Bunion sauce.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

703.723

So I'm walking out the door.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

711.307

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is to a place I really like. Oh, nice. A really nice spa in a really nice location. A good, solid spa. A type of place you would want to go. Is it the best I've ever been to? No. That would have been when we went to the wedding and we went to that, like, whatever it was. Ancient Greek massage place.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

740.908

And the ice machine was dumping into the pool.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

746.191

So I'm getting ready for the massage and then I'm about to leave. And I say, hey, babe, thanks very much. I really appreciate it. She goes, no problem. And I hope you have a great time. And I got you the masseuse you like. And I said, oh, well, who's the masseuse I like? She goes, well, last time you went, you said you had a great massage.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

763.795

And so I asked for the masseuse that you had last time and she happened to be available. There you go. And then it dawned on me that the last time that I went to this place three or four months ago, I actually had a terrible time because the masseuse wanted to play 50 questions while we were having a massage. That's right. And she didn't give a massage. She was like breathing on my back.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

790.843

That's it. That's all she was doing. Yeah, the oil. I remember telling this story. She also was wearing gloves. So she's wearing gloves. She's doing the oil that she's just spreading around my back. And she's really spending a lot of time just conversating. It seems like this was her hour of break. And I happen to be scheduled during it. Do you know what I'm saying?

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

811.219

Now, listen, massages are like food or like sex or like dating. Not everybody's going to be for the commercial break. It's not for everybody. Not everybody's going to be the same. Not everybody has the same style or taste. It's very personalized. Like every masseuse is different. Yeah.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

826.708

Um, but I instantly get this picture in my head of this lady who I really just did not like, not her, but the massage, the experience I did not like. And I go, oh, thanks, babe. You know, she was like, no, really? I said, actually, I think this lady was really kind of obnoxious last time I was there. I did not like her at all. And so now I'm freaking out a little bit and Astrid's freaking out.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

852.594

But also, you don't want to blow a couple hundred dollars. Now I'm not getting a 50-minute massage. I'm getting a 90-minute massage. Double the time, double the aggravation as far as I'm concerned. So I explained to Astrid, and then I said, but you know what? It's a massage, and it's better than sitting here and listening to the kids scream and listening to Blue bark at me. So I'll take it.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

875.184

Like, I'm not going to complain. No worries. She said, let me call the place. You know, I will call the place. I will find another masseuse. Don't worry. I go, listen, it's an 80, 90 minute massage. They don't, there's only like three of those available a day. They're not going to have some other person that's going to be able to fill in.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

888.835

And I'll probably get some dude, you know, that wants to fucking, you know, break my back. No, just don't worry about it. I'm good. I'll just tell her at the beginning, like you do on an Uber ride. I want deep tissue. Yeah, I want deep tissue.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

902.448

No talky, no ticky, no tacky, 70 degrees, deep tissue, pick me up at the bar. Yeah. Raphael. She's like, I'm on my way out the door. I'll call. No, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. So I get in the car and I'm driving there and I'm a little like... Anxious. Anxious is the right word to say. I'm not upset, but I'm also not totally relaxed because I'm remembering this experience.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

925.521

And I'm thinking if I had to do this for 90 minutes and kind of bat this lady back with all her questions. Great. So... As I'm pulling in.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

943.021

I'm sure you could. Wow, okay. I'm sure that nobody would ever, you could put your beats on or whatever. But, you know, it might get in the way. You put your head down in that pillow and they might fall off. So I'm pulling in and I remember that I'm not that good at remembering. Because two times.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

961.052

Brian got it wrong again.

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

971.269

exactly where I was going with it. So, bowling in. Brian got it wrong, yeah!

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

981.042

When is it gonna end?

The Commercial Break

Bryan Got It Wrong, Yeah!

989.72

Yeah, Brian got it wrong. So I'm pulling in and I go, but two times ago I had a really, really good massage. Wait, what was that? Was that the last time or was that two times ago? Was it two times ago that I had a bad massage or was it the last time that I had a bad massage? Now I can't remember. Now I'm all screwed up in my head. So now I'm basically playing masseuse roulette. Uh-huh.

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Secrets, Secrets

1044.333

My heart.

The Commercial Break

Secrets, Secrets

1486.596

90?

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Secrets, Secrets

1515.948

Okay.

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Secrets, Secrets

1780.149

I'm shocked.

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Secrets, Secrets

2827.734

Yes.

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Secrets, Secrets

2913.687

Yeah.

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Secrets, Secrets

3475.247

Okay.

The Commercial Break

Secrets, Secrets

3478.368

Anyway, you get it.

The Commercial Break

Secrets, Secrets

50.629

Jackass and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the Ivanka to my Jared, Kristen, Joey, Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

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Secrets, Secrets

783.565

Oh, yeah.

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Secrets, Secrets

785.606

Mocky mock in the funky bunch. Going to get in her underwear and scrunchy scrunch. Going to hug you, girl. Going to make out tight. It's 1990. All right. Yeah, back when, ah, that was a good time.

The Commercial Break

Secrets, Secrets

902.004

Oh, oh, oh. Ketchup, cheese, and mayonnaise.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1000.625

Speaking of two birds of a feather to flock together, fall in love. You know, Chrissy, we love our dating shows around here. We've reviewed so many of them. I can't even remember all the names. But one of the ones that sticks with us, two of the ones that stick with me, are Blind Date, which we just reviewed a couple episodes ago.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1016.396

And what I really would love to do is I'd love to review another Love Connection episode as we get into the thick of summer. And, you know, we... Ja, genau. Dating Game. It was the OG Tinder. It's the very first Tinder. True. You take a look at pictures and a little bit of information about somebody and then you make a decision about who you want to go out with. You meet up with them.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1055.013

You bang real quick and then you ghost them. That's how it works. That's how it always works. You show a little knee. Yeah, you show a little knee. You show a little knee. Maybe you get a knee job. And then you move on. A knee job. You mind if I... I know you don't want to take the bird. You mind if I fuck your knee? Okay. Nothing like a knee fuck. Nothing like a knee fuck.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1100.418

I wonder how many people have knee fucked. You know it's happened. Probably. You know there's some douchebag out there that was like, let me fuck the back of your knee.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1110.616

People do have strange fetishes.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1113.918

Listen, I know that Rachel and I have talked about this multiple times. When you get that smell, when somebody has that smell.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1121.823

You literally want to chop them up and eat them. You literally, it's like a baby. It's like a baby or a puppy breath. It's like you want to eat their face. And maybe, maybe, even though I would never had to, but maybe I would have fucked the knee had someone said, you can only fuck my knee. I would have been like, I'll fuck your knee. That's not a problem. I can fuck your knee.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

114.154

Ah, yes, Brad, the venerable Love Connection contestant who touched our hearts and made us nauseous by bringing his date to the local Greyhound station because urine-stained metal benches, the smell of body odor and vending machine junk food for dinner has never, ever, ever turned out to be true. Bis zum nächsten Mal.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1140.357

Or can I just hump the bed right next to you? Maybe we can whack off together the second you walk in the door. By the way, someone who knows that girl reached out to me after I told that story on air. Yes, they did. And so I'm really sorry I told that story on air. But she did ask me to whack off right in front of her the second I walked in the door. It's not, it's not not true.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1165.604

What did they say? I've got days and days of content. What do you want me to do? I gotta fill it up. I'm now contractually committed to a thousand episodes or whatever the fuck it is. Und das ist das Einzige, was ich kenne, ist mein eigenes Leben. Also habe ich keine Namen gesagt. Niemand wird es kennen, außer für die eine Person, die es gekannt hat. You know what I'm saying? Okay, just checking.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1186.592

Alright, so without further ado, I was trolling on the internet. As you do. As I do do. And I found an old episode of Love Connection. And I mean an old episode of the Love Connection. This is from 1983. What the fuck, Chuck? What the fuck, Chuck?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1203.279

I know, I do too. Sometimes I'm driving and I'm like, what the fuck, Chuck? And then of course my son goes... Good job. Just don't say that to anybody. Out loud. Keep that in your inside voice.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1242.578

Das war's für heute. Wir sehen uns beim nächsten Mal.

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TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1271.698

He did. Poor guy. Hey, this is 1983 and he is rockin'. Yeah, he's going with the Nikes. He's going with the Nikes. This guy is ahead of his time. Now, this is not the fashion model you would hope.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1288.431

I wonder if it's dancewear sales like my daughter goes to dance class and she wears a tutu and I'm selling it to you. Or dancewear sales like high heels, fishnet stockings and garter belts. I wonder what kind of dancewear he's into.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1301.436

Yeah, I hope so. That is the worst outfit I've ever seen on a human being. It's pretty bad. Are those literally corduroy pants?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1309.927

Pinstriped corduroy pants, Nike run shoes, gray jacket, yellow polo shirt, and a haircut that I can only describe as a cereal box.

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TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1356.167

You know Grunberg? Hey, you seen Grunberg?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1361.149

You tell him to get the fuck over here.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1387.411

I'll get him. Fucking asshole. Fucking Brad. What kind of name is Brad?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1393.875

Brad Grunberg.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1396.877

He does. Anybody with the initials BG is doomed to a life of misery and poverty.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1423.556

Yeah, that's true. You don't have your Blackberry or your iPhone. Nothing.

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TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1437.627

Do me a favor, pick a pen or a pencil, any pen or pencil, write it down on a piece of paper. I got you. I'll put it in my Rolodex. That's for me.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

146.755

Alright, enough talking. I'm gonna go down a bottle of NyQuil and hallucinate my way through an episode of Teletubbies with my kids.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1476.914

You're not exactly... I was going to say the same thing. It's not like this guy's fit and trim. No, he's looking for a 10 and he's a 4.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

152.879

We'll be back next week with a special guest Kathleen Madigan on Tuesday. And I promise you some piping hot episodes of The Commercial Break.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1530.442

You gotta have nice, smooth knees, if you know what I'm talking about, Chuck. I like to bang a couple of rails and I take a couple shots of Remy Martin.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1537.985

I get crazy at the Friday night dance. Don't you worry, Chuck. These girls are in safe hands with me. I'm a wild guy. I was once, true story, I was supposed to play Bluto in Animal House, but I was 12, so I didn't get the part.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1560.282

At the temple?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1562.443

Yeah, but, you know. Continue. I went to a couple of those dances at the Catholic... Did they want to take him home? Okay. Yeah, I went to a couple of those dances at the Catholic Church, and let me tell you something.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1573.63

Yeah, of course. Take them home to bang or meet mom and dad. Break bread, you know, the whole thing. Anytime you want to.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1588.083

You mean you play on the B-Team? What are you talking about?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1595.026

Why did he throw in a virgin? I don't know. I don't know either. Not something you would do these days. Anybody who looks at his outfit can probably tell he's not an A-Type personality. When you're wearing green pinstripe pants and a grey shirt with a yellow polo.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1653.184

Yeah, Brad from the temple. My grandma gave me your phone number. You know what I'm talking about.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1661.089

I don't even know you. I'm ugly. I'm just telling you. I'm ugly. Okay, thanks for the call. No, no, no, wait. Keep on going for a little while and then you eventually want to screw me. So I'm really ugly. I'm terribly ugly.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

170.865

Oh yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1711.374

Why do I feel like Brad went on the love connection because it was the only way he could get closer to the TV cameras where he desperately wanted to be? I bet if we look up Brad Gunberg right now, he's been in 60 movies. As like an extra. Yeah. Google Brad Grunberger on IMDb.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

173.688

I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and co-host, the beautiful Kristen Joy Holdley. Best to you, Chrissy.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1737.356

Grunberger? Grunberger? I thought it was just Grunberg. It's Grunberger?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1761.779

I want to share this with people who are listening. On the screen is a nice young lady who's giving her little soliloquy here. Und dann am Boden ist ein Bild, ein Bild, eine Box, die Brad und seine Reaktion auf die Mädchen zeigt. Er wird so animiert, dass ein TV-Produzent im Studio entscheidet, die Box auszutrennen, weil sie nicht mögen, wie Brad schlägt.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1783.893

Sie sind so, dieser Kerl ist obnoxiös, schneid ihn aus.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1806.173

Wow, Brad and this girl seem perfect fit for each other. Brad only wears tennis shoes with a suit.

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TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1814.633

Gail looks like she's part of the Duggar family.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1842.674

Is that a wig on top of her head? Is she wearing a wig? Her hair is two totally different colors. Wow, that's crazy. Yeah, she definitely looks like a Duggar.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1883.823

Yeah, they probably had like, I would imagine the girls get some saying this is my thought is like, hey, you're going to go out with Brad. They probably had 3000 girls on video. And these are the three that just didn't ever respond. So they're like, I'll put them in there. They didn't get the message.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1913.691

Ein Bildungsstudent? Ein Bildungsstudent. Das ist interessant. Das ist wie ein Geschäftsperson.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1918.914

Gail ist ein Wortprozessor, der eine Seite hat. Ein Wortprozessor? Ein Wortprozessor? Vor allem, bevor sie es mit Computern machten.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1934.107

I think so. Give me a favor and process these words for me. I appreciate it. I think there's one of those in my head.

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TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1947.555

Two! Two! If you don't pick two, everyone's gonna die!

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1963.619

Why is Brad so very animated? He really is. I wonder what he's doing. Yeah, that fruit basket didn't get used. I imagine he was just cutting rails before he came out.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

1980.688

We'll be back tomorrow with Brad...

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

2014.551

Yesterday he told us which of these three women he chose as his date. Today you'll hear what happened on that date.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

2025.675

Yeah, somebody in the production office got a hold of him and said, hey dude, you can't wear Nikes, pinstripe pants, yellow shirt and a gray blazer. It's just not a great combination. So today, let's put you in black shoes, black pants. Great? Socks?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

2045.322

Yeah, they kind of do. Yeah. Old Birkenstocks are those shoes you get when you work at a restaurant and you know you're going to need three pairs a year, so you spend $10 on them at Walmart. Been there, done that.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

207.968

23. I'm good with 23. 31 years old. Wow, that's a long time. That's like 150 years old in dog years. It's a Labrador. Oh, good old lab. 31 years old. Can you believe that?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

2089.244

You gotta understand the kind of guy I am. And since you're only 25% human right now, I'm gonna work up.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

2098.566

Hey, listen, oddly. Shut up!

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

2106.848

No, listen, you're strictly a word processor until you get to 50-50. Processed by words. What a douche-kadoozle.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

2121.452

What is the special on the side? Tickling your balls? Tickling your taint? Something like that. Knee stuff. This guy is way too animated. I'd love to see where he is today. He must have a TikTok channel. He can't help himself.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

2141.863

I don't know, Brad. You're an asshole.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

2147.908

Listen, listen. It's simple math. Here's how you do it. Women have uteruses. Men have penises. Uteruses are inside.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

2158.096

Penises are outside. If you just do the measurements, it's pure. It's mathematical. You equal 75% less than I do. That's how it works.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

2198.353

Honestly, listening back to this, it's hard to believe that Brad is an actual human being. He's like a bad AI creature from the lagoon. But no, Brad is an actual human being who went on to act in multiple straight to video movies, but he did act in movies. It was his brother that ended up being quite the character actor in Hollywood. And so you gotta feel a little bit bad for Brad.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

2222.643

No, never mind. Forget I ever said that. Alright, let's listen to Rachel tell you what you can do to help us out and then we'll finish up this episode. I'll be back at the end.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

226.405

Cats can live into their 20s, right?

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TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

2287.265

Hi Vicky. Hi Brad, how are you? Even women had mullets back then. Yeah, everybody had a mullet.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

229.147

Well, no, it's not normal, but... Yeah, I just, you know, I like... I think I told this story one time. We were living downtown. I was living with my ex-wife. We lived in this house and across the way was a duplex. And the duplex was like set way off the street. I remember that. Do you remember that? Okay, there's a duplex. Yeah, because we spent a lot of nights on that porch.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

2294.627

You're welcome. Oh, she said you look cute. Oh, she likes him? Maybe. Welfare check on Vicky. Yep.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

2419.155

But I still go on Friday nights. I still take my grandma's advice.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

2435.845

Go, Vicky, go. I was worried about you at first. Now I know you're gonna handle your own.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

2451.971

Wow, look at Vicky, ahead of her time.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

2493.249

What did you do at the bus station?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

250.375

Shrinking and God knows what else ourselves to death. Dancing. Dancing. God bless the neighbors. I had Bots and Winnie. And so they were really well-behaved dogs. They were, they were sweet. They were very sweet. They didn't bark a lot. I mean, you heard a bark out of Bots once a day, maybe. And it was because someone was knocking on the front door. But anyway, we had a fenced-in backyard.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

2511.136

I've never been to the bus station on a date. I'm running away from the law. I stay out of the bus stations.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

2524.107

What? He took her to ice cream sandwiches from the vending machine? Wow. I didn't even know they sold ice cream sandwiches in vending machines. Sounds like he knew exactly where to find the ice cream sandwiches.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

2551.057

Yeah, yeah, ice cream sandwiches. But can't you find ice cream sandwiches somewhere else?

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

2570.527

No, no, but it's the best place to get ice cream sandwiches and heroin. So, let me know.

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The temple on Wilshire Boulevard.

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You took her to the temple? Brad! At first I was curious.

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Yeah. I was wondering why you were a virgin, but now it's clear. You've never been outside your house with a female. In the temple?

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There's this party. We're going to hit up this party.

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I just want to make sure I'm not offending the groom. Even though he's the one who asked me to tell you to leave. Wow. This is the cheapest... Man. Yeah. Either he's cheap or so sheltered that the only place he goes is to grandmas and the temple.

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Now he's lying? He's making it up? Who's with... Why would she lie? Is she just embarrassed about crashing a wedding?

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Or did they go to the temple, no one was there, and now Brad's making up a story that there was gonna be a wedding, but I got kicked out before it happened.

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Whoa, Fred! Wow, I think we found the world's biggest asshole and I really hope he has a TikTok channel. Now, to give him a little bit, a little bit of credit, she could be lying. But you're also the guy who just said in the same sentence, I'm a virgin and women only count for 25% until they do, then they give me a handjob.

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Wow, this is really strange. I had no idea when I downloaded this video that this would get so strange. I'm literally fascinated by what happened. And I'd like to do a full investigative report here on the commercial break about this date. In the notebook? Hold on one second. I'm going to write a note to Tina right now because we are going to find... What happened with Brian?

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Tina, need to do investigation on Love Connection Video. Love Connection Date. Oh mein Gott. I almost never pick up my phone and write things during the middle of this show, unless it's a note, because I am really fascinated. And I would love to see if I could get a hold of this woman and see if she would tell the actual story about what happened with her and Brad.

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Wouldn't that be the best thing that ever happened to the commercial break? Which is not a high bar to set, but I'm just sharing.

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In 2023, this would have been the best thing to ever happen to this episode of The Love Connection, but in 1983, 30 years, 40 years ago, this was not the way that television conducted itself. It was very, like, they weren't going to get into a bunch of controversy. They just wanted to move on in 15 minutes. Chuck ist over this guy. He's like, get this guy off my stage.

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We had the Mormons living next to us. And they got married. We saw them setting up on a Friday and for a Saturday wedding. And so they were never particularly like talkative with us. And I can understand why. It's because we were like a den of iniquities over there. Just cocaine, drugs. Beer and getting debauchery going on 24 hours a day.

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Yeah, they should have picked the last one. That would have been fascinating. The girl who punched somebody. Yeah, she was close.

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Okay, please. Don't forget this one. Okay.

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Good luck to you and all your lying. That was weird. Wow, that was the strangest. I have to say hands down, that was the strangest love connection. I've never seen anything like that. Maybe dating show that we've ever seen, where two people who went on the same date Oh mein Gott. Let's hope... Our boy Brad has lived as long as these parrots do. And we can still find him. He's still out there.

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Because I desperately want to know what happened to this guy. We will follow up on Brad Brandenberger. Or Brandenberg. Whatever his fucking name is. I'll follow up on it. Brad and Vicky. I'm going to investigate. There's got to be some more information about these two human beings. And if I can, I will get Vicky on the show. Ja. You want your own show? Brad, go find it. Alright.

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But we were over, I was in the backyard and I was over near the fence with the dogs. And I hear this on the fence. Hello? Hey, what's going on, man? What are you setting up for over there? We're actually getting married. Oh, wow, congratulations. You're getting married in your backyard?

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Hey, tcbpodcast.com, that's where you can get your free 21 EPM sticker. Ejaculations per month. It sounds like Brad needs to have a little release there. So you'll either get a 21 EPM sticker or our next sticker. It depends if we still have any more of these left. So go quick, hit the contact us button, give us your physical address at tcbpodcast.com and we'll send you a sticker as soon as we can.

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Also the entire... Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017 Alright, there you have it. One of my personal favorite episodes. It was one of my favorites to actually do. Sitting here in the room, I found this all to be very funny. And having been a big fan of Breaking Down Love Connection videos for the entirety of our time here on the commercial break, I think this ranks number two.

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With what the fuck, Chuck being number one, of course. Well, I really appreciate you giving me a break so I can take a break even though I didn't take a break because I had to come here and do this episode of the commercial break. You get the picture. The wheel never stops turning. I am simply a hamster spinning my legs as fast as they will go. Nor rain, nor sleet, nor snow. And all that jazz.

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All right. At the expense of repeating ourselves a million different ways, do us a favor. Please do follow us on Instagram at The Commercial Break. I would love to hear from you via text message or voicemail at 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Hit us up with your questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. We would love to hear all of that.

The Commercial Break

TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

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And if you want to be on the next episode of The Commercial Break, or maybe not the next episode of The Commercial Break, but a episode of The Commercial Break, leave us a voicemail or send us a text message and tell us what you want to talk about. You can also drop us an email at tcbpodcast.com. Hit the contact us button.

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TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

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Drop us a line on why you'd like to jump on the show or get your free swag by hitting the drop down menu that says I want my free sticker. Give us your address and we will send you one. Plus the one and only place to see all of our episodes on video the same day they air here on the audio feed is youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak. Subscribe, like, comment on your favorite video.

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TCB Classic: Brad Van BusStation

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You've been to YouTube, you know what to do. And let me move backwards one second. You can also get the audio and the video on the website if you're that kind of person, if you're like URL-ing it. But URL-ing it is so 2010. Just open the app on your phone and dial us up. You know how to do it. Oh, and one more thing. Sharing is caring.

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Yeah, yeah, we're just gonna have some friends and some family over and we're getting married and it's happening tomorrow. In the afternoon. And I was like, sure, no problem, dude. Guess what I did? I let the dogs in the backyard for the entire time. No, I'm kidding, I didn't. Anyway, had this big, long driveway going to this duplex right across the street from us. And they had a fucking parrot.

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The best way that you can help out the commercial break, your good friends Brian and Chrissy, is to share the show. Tell a neighbor, phone a friend. You hate your in-laws? Send them the commercial break. Tell them that's what your husband has been listening to. It's fun for the whole family, I guarantee. Alright, well, there's no Chrissy here today, but I'll tell you I love you.

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I'll say best to you, and then collectively we'll say best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, I will say, I do say, and I must say, I'm going the fuck to bed. Bye.

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Not a cockatoo. Not one of those little small birds that dies in three months. A parrot. An actual parrot. I forget what you call them. They're like cockatoos? Is that what it is? Is it a cockatoo?

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I know, but there's like, one of them is a pet and one of them is not. Is a cockatoo the one on the Froot Loops box?

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That's a toucan.

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Toucan Sam, that's right. Okay, whatever kind of bird these people had, I don't know, I'm not a bird expert.

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So they had this parrot, and that parrot, you could be in the back of my house, in the very back of my house, in a shower, with the water running, and the music playing, and still hear that fucking parrot from across the street. And they kept it outside, I can only imagine, because it was even too noisy for them to have inside of the house. They kept it outside.

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Most of the time they kept it outside. What about with weather? Go fuck yourself!

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Go fuck yourself!

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I don't know. Well, they had a screen import.

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So, this went on for two years. Two years. Until one day I get a knock at the door. And I go and I look and it's this kind of scraggly guy. He's got his shirt off. He's very skinny. He's got the jeans on with the belt cinched way tight. Obviously... Obviously he's doing drugs. That's all I can say. Obviously he's doing drugs.

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I can only imagine making Mountain Dew crystal meth in the backyard or whatever. I don't know, but he looks whacked out and he looks totally fucked up. And I have never ever in my entire, I was there for like eight years. I had never seen the neighbors. I had only heard the parent. So I opened the door. Hallo?

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Hey, man, I'm Dale from across the street.

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And I'm like, oh, hey, Dale, nice to meet you. I didn't extend my hand to shake it because I was afraid of where his hand had been. And I was like, hey, man, it's nice to meet you.

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Yeah, man, listen, I gotta move out of the house in like three days. And I was wondering if you could take my pet bird just maybe for a month and I'll come back and get it.

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And I'm like, no, I got dogs and... People I care about and eardrums that I'd like to keep.

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Yeah, I was like, I go, hey, Dale. I have eardrums. I have eardrums. I'm not gonna take your fucking parrot. So I go, hey man, I appreciate that you need a place for the bird to stay, but I don't think my house is the right place. I got two dogs.

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Yeah, check with the Mormons. They're really, they love loud noises. Ich habe gesagt, hör mal, ich kann es verstehen, aber du musst auch meine Situation verstehen. Ich habe zwei Kühe. Ich habe gerade einen Divorz. Ich bin meistens trank. Es ist höchstwahrscheinlich, dass das Pferd in irgendeinem Art von Narkotik kommt, das es töten wird. Du willst mich nicht kümmern. Ich kann mich kaum kümmern.

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Du willst nicht, dass der Pferd in der ganzen Situation involviert ist. And so he stood out there for a few minutes trying to convince me of the parrot.

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You see, it's like when I bought a parrot, I didn't know it was going to live 150 years and now I've got to find somebody to take it long term. They live a long time.

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Yeah, and now there's a bunch of people, like pet lovers, animal lovers, who are running out trying to find people who have these parrots and getting them to sign agreements that gives a chain of custody for when and if they die. Because apparently a big problem is... Sie nehmen ihn zum Arzt oder jemand stirbt, sie nehmen ihn zum lokalen Veterinär oder was auch immer.

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Sie versuchen, ihn dem Hund zu geben. Warum würde der Hund einen Pferd nehmen? Ich weiß es nicht. Aber dann werden die Vögel euthaniert, weil sie nichts anderes tun können mit ihnen. Und sie sind wirklich hart zu Hause, weil du musst wissen, was du machst, wenn du einen Pferd hast.

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Nein, unless you're down from across the street. I swear to God, this guy was a work. He had the tubes and everything. He had the whole tubes and all of it. Hey man, I appreciate it. Listen, if you know of anybody, just come over and let me know. I'll give you my phone number if you want. No, no, no, I know where to find you for the next couple of days. I'll call your people.

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My people will call your people if we find a place to rehome your fucking parent. Keep it for a month. Keep it for a month. That's what he asked me. Keep it for a month. Keep it outside. Doesn't really matter. It's used to being outside. It's probably why it's squawking all the time. It's because it's fucking cold, hot, rainy, wet, hungry, needs water.

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So I know that these parrots... So then I was dating this girl one time. Her dad lived down in Florida. We went out there one time. I think I told this story. Ended up sleeping on like an air mattress in the office of this house because... I was just trying to be respectful of the fact that most parents don't want you sleeping with their daughter.

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Don't want you going to pound town on their daughter in their house when you're not married. I was just being a good gentleman. Sport. Good sport, yeah. I'll fuck her when you're sleeping and I'll come slink back to the bed later. Which I did. So he had... like three parrots. And he loved these birds. But the birds would attack anybody who tried to get near them, except for him.

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So everybody else in the house was just scared shitless of these birds that were literally in the house. They weren't in a cage or anything?

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All three of them were in a cage. A series of cages. The whole wall was dedicated to these birds. So they warned me, first thing I'm going to come in, don't stick your fingers anywhere near that. The birds, they don't like people, blah, blah, blah.

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Because they will take off your finger. So, over the course of a day or two, I started staring at this one parrot. Like, we started communicating, mind melding, right? And eventually, the guy, I said, hey, you know, do you ever take these things out?

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And he's like, yeah, I do, but usually not when people are, strange people are around, because I'm telling you, these birds, they just don't like other people, and I don't want unpredictable behavior that I can't control. And he goes, but if you want me to, I'll take it out, I kind of put it on my shoulder, and you can, whatever. So, he puts it on his shoulder.

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Yeah, what's that? This was in Tampa, Florida.

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I'll put on my eye patch. Arrgh! I'll put on my best matey so he knows I'm a friend. A friend in need is a friend indeed, parity. Come hop over onto my shoulder and poke out my eyeball. Arrgh!

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So he takes out the bird, he puts it on his forehand.

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And the bird hops toward me, like hops toward me. He tries to get off his little thing and hops toward me, but the wings are clipped, right? So he can't fly. So he's just kind of like, like this. And I was like, oh shit, he's gonna attack me. And he's like, wow, I've never seen him do that before, you know? And the bird is like, so, put the bird back in the cage.

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I felt like that was maybe a sign that he didn't like me and I needed to stay away. Go to sleep on the mattress in the office the next day. It's got two of these French doors that you can just kind of push open. You know, little poppy French doors. So I'm sleeping and all of a sudden I hear like this word and I can hear on the floor. And I'm like, I'm kind of waking up out of sleep.

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So unfortunately for all those who are paying attention, the commercial break does not have a new episode to fluff your feathers and tickle your tallywhacker today. But fear not, my little minions, we're gonna do what every other prestigious podcast would do in a situation just like this.

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I'm like, what is that? I turn my head and the fucking parrot is right there. And I'm like, the parrot, the murder parrot, the murder parrot is right next to me.

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But that bird didn't do a thing. It bounced close to me and it started nudging me with its nose. It was like this. It liked me.

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And so I was like, wow, murder parrot likes me. And I swear to God, that was my first visit there and we became the best of friends. Like anytime I would go, the murder parrot would sit on my shoulder and it would nudge my face and be like this. Yeah, it loved me. So who knows, maybe I should have taken the parrot. Maybe it was better than Dale. Oh mein Gott. Oh mein Gott.

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Sometimes I have to think about where we were before. You know what I'm saying? This is like, I thought about a new tagline for the show that I actually might put up there. Feel free to go down the rabbit hole, we'll throw you a ladder.

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Yeah, we'll help you back out. That's right. Alright, this seems like as good a place as any to take a break. Why don't you listen to Rachel give you some information about how to get in touch with us and I'll do some extremely gross netty potting and maybe I'll sound like half a human in this next break.

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Rehash the intro and outro, throw one of the mediocre past episodes in the middle and give it a catchy name like TCB Classic. And what's on the menu for today's TCB Classic, you may ask? We're gonna re-listen to our good friend Brad Van Bus Station.

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There's Bass Ass In The Chattahoochee Coochee!

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You don't drink the tap water. Why? Because it comes from the Chattahoochee River, which for years... Let me just give you an example. For years, the city of Atlanta would rather pay an enormous fine to the United States government... then clean up the raw sewage that it was just pouring into the Chattahoochee River.

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There's Bass Ass In The Chattahoochee Coochee!

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Only, only when the federal government decided to withhold funds for the 96 Olympics did the city of Atlanta get in motion and start fixing their sewer problem. Only. And still to this day, to this day, you can drive in some parts of downtown Atlanta and they are still fixing the sewer system in the city of Atlanta.

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There's Bass Ass In The Chattahoochee Coochee!

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Still to this day, you hear about raw sewage releases because of too much rain or rainwater or whatever. So don't shoot the hooch. Come by the TCB Studios for $50. We'll give you a tour and a sticker for free. Let's take a break. I'll be back with more advice on what to do in Atlanta.

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There's Bass Ass In The Chattahoochee Coochee!

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A bunch of beer and rowdy teenagers and just have a good party of it. This was a huge ordeal in Atlanta for a long time. Now, it was coming to kind of a ceremonial close as I moved to Atlanta, so I didn't get the full... It started in 1979. Apparently, some Georgia Tech students decided to get their fraternity and sorority sisters and brothers together and do this, and then it became a big thing.

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Yeah, we're all sharing horror stories from the hooch or related waters. It's just not clean. I mean, it is a major city. It used to be an industrial city. And so I get it. You know, there's years and years of just shit in that place. But, you know, Tina was just sharing that one of her friends had to get two layers of stitches because the nurse was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

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There's Bass Ass In The Chattahoochee Coochee!

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Don't go in that water.

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There's Bass Ass In The Chattahoochee Coochee!

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Yeah, it's crazy, and it's dangerous. Anyway, it's local politics. All politics is local, if you don't mind. But let's talk about non-local politics. Let's talk about Oscars. The Oscar season is coming up, and there is already a ton of drama. Let's talk about a non-Oscar-related film first, and that is that damn Whatever This Is Us story with Blake Lively and that Baldoni guy.

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No, it's... Oh, it stops with us? Oh, I thought it starts with us. Apparently it starts with us because those two yahoos are just throwing shit back and forth. They are destroying their careers. Someone needs to get a hold of both of those human beings and put them in a room together and say, you both did something wrong. Shut the fuck up before you never work in Hollywood again.

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There's Bass Ass In The Chattahoochee Coochee!

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I mean, Blake Lively is getting dragged through the mud, but Justin Baldoni... It ends with us. Oh, it ends with us.

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There's Bass Ass In The Chattahoochee Coochee!

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It stops with us. Okay.

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There's Bass Ass In The Chattahoochee Coochee!

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It begins with us. It ends with us. Who cares?

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There's Bass Ass In The Chattahoochee Coochee!

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Listen, I made the mistake of following that Perez Hilton on Instagram. I'm soon going to unfollow him. But he has been talking about this nonstop for weeks. Every time something else drops, he comes in.

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There's Bass Ass In The Chattahoochee Coochee!

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They're throwing lawsuits back and forth with each other. And Justin Baldoni has now put a website together called aboutthelawsuit.com or something. You can go Google it. I don't know that that's – but it's something about the lawsuit.

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There's Bass Ass In The Chattahoochee Coochee!

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He's put a website together where he is literally sending out every text message, every communication, every email that happened between him and Blake Lively, even the ones that don't make him look particularly good. He's still sending them out there saying, I'm going to show you

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There's Bass Ass In The Chattahoochee Coochee!

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everything that happened during this movie piece by piece so you understand that it's not the way that blake lively's people are spinning it and this goes super deep and let me let me share just for a minute if you don't mind drama drop drama drop let's get into the blake lively situation not that i know enough about it to be dangerous but i'm going to make up the parts i don't know uh just so you're forewarned story time with brian story time with brian bring

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There's Bass Ass In The Chattahoochee Coochee!

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Blake Lively got the rights to make this movie after she read the book. She went and petitioned the author for the rights to the movie. Many, many people read the book. Apparently, it was a hot bestseller. It's about domestic violence and the relationship getting in or out of the domestic violence.

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I don't know the story because I haven't seen the movie, nor have I read the book, just to be clear about that. But that has never stopped me from pretending like I know something. No. Weigh in. I'm weighing in. Regardless of being completely misinformed, I'm weighing in. I'm yet another idiot on the Internet just saying shit to say shit. Hey, listen, I got a lot of time to fill on this show.

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There's Bass Ass In The Chattahoochee Coochee!

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Do you want to hear it or not? Okay. All right. Do you tune in for the facts or do you tune in for my misinformation in the voice of Bright? Of course you do. All right. Here we go. Blake Lively makes this movie. She hires Justin Baldoni to do the directing. Or maybe the production company does. I don't know how he gets involved. But Justin Baldoni, who cares? That's not important. Great start.

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There's Bass Ass In The Chattahoochee Coochee!

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Thanks. Justin Baldoni. And Justin Baldoni is also going to star in the movie. So he's starring and he's directing. At some point during this film, there starts to be a little friction between the two stars who have a lot of lovemaking scenes, a lot of intimacy scenes, and some friction starts.

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The radio stations locally would sponsor it, and they would hype it up, and so it became tens of thousands of people riding down the Chattahoochee River on their rafts. Now... I often say to people, people come in town and they say, hey, Brian, because I am a noted tour guide. They say, hey, Brian, what is there to do in Atlanta? What about that Chattahoochee Hoochee?

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There's Bass Ass In The Chattahoochee Coochee!

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And Blake apparently does not like the direction that Justin is taking the movie, nor does she like the way that the editor is cutting the movie under Justin's direction. So Blake calls a meeting with who? The most important people in the world. Travis Kelsey, Taylor Swift, and Blake Lively, and the other guy that she's married to. Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds.

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So they all get in a room and they kind of beat up Justin. And they say, listen, these particular scenes shouldn't go like this. That needs to go like that. We need to have this cut of the movie. We need to have that cut of the movie, which rubs Justin the wrong way.

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But he quickly realizes that going up against Ryan Reynolds, Taylor Swift, and Blake Lively in an argument about editorial direction is probably not the best idea. So he quickly apologizes, sending like a, Eight minute voice note. Now I listened to that eight minute voice note. He talks about a lot of stuff during that voice note, but basically what he's doing is he's groveling.

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He's saying, yeah, you're right. I, if I wish I had friends like yours, they're so good to you. They got your back. I see the error of my ways. Lottie, Dottie, Dottie do. Okay. So Justin capitulates to Taylor and Ryan and Blake suggestions. But that doesn't satisfy Blake because Blake believes that Justin is treating her poorly on the set and off the set. So Justin... So Blake...

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is now saying that Justin was sexually harassing her, not staying within the intimacy coach lane, doing gross things, you know, walked in on her breastfeeding and then talked about her boobs or whatever. If any of that is true, it's creepy at best, harassment at worst. But it's hard to tell because it's all he said, she said.

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If you piece all the stuff that Justin is putting out there, some of it might make sense that he was bordering on a little bit inappropriate. Is it harassment? I don't know. I guess that's up to the judge to decide at the end of the day.

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But now, Justin, Blake comes out and puts a big to-do about this, and she didn't like the last cut of the movie, and he sexually harassed her, and all this stuff went wrong, and so she sues him. That's what you do in America. You sue! And so Justin says, wait, wait, wait. That's not how it went down. Let me show you how it went down. Countersuit.

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And so now they're both suing each other for hundreds of millions of dollars in court. They're both throwing dirt all over the place. Blake with her big high-priced PR people. Justin just trying to fight the good fight. I'm sure he has nowhere close to the same PR people, but they're trying to fight each other's fight. But at the end of the day, they are both destroying each other's careers.

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Justin has now been fired from his next director job.

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Dropped by his rep. Blake is getting dragged through the mud. Everything she ever said is getting scrutinized and questioned. Perez Hilton calls her a B-list celebrity at best. I don't know if that's necessarily true, but both of them are just absolutely getting destroyed and they will not have careers after this because no one's going to want to work with them.

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People are going to be afraid that Blake, all she's going to want to do is take over the movie and going to pressure, have a pressure campaign if she doesn't like something. Justin's known as a creep who sexually harasses and reveals all the secrets of the world afterwards. They're both killing each other.

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If I'm either of these people's management, I am saying you have got to sit down with this person and figure out a way to shut the fuck up before you never work in this town again. Now, Blake has made some money and Ryan Reynolds ain't hurting. So maybe they feel like they're going to fight to make sure that her name is cleared. And Justin is trying to make a living in Hollywood.

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That Chattahoochee Coochee that everyone's talking about. And I say, if you want Strepacoccus A, feel free to dip your toes in the Chattahoochee Coochee because that's exactly what it is. It's a Hoochee Coochee. And it is known to have bacteria in it that you probably don't want the human body coming in contact with.

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So maybe he feels like I got to reveal it all so that everybody thinks... But I'm just like blown away at how these two egos are absolutely going at each other with no regard for the consequences when we're all watching going, what a bunch of morons. What are you doing? Don't you think?

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If there is one person in this world that is less informed than I am, it is Chrissy.

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Showing up at the press tours or whatever?

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She was making it all about her and talking about the genes.

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Astrid watched it a couple times.

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She said it was good. She liked it. And I think I walked in on her crying at one point watching that movie.

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Yeah, I'm not interested in all that. Domestic violence, I just abhor it. I think it's gross and nasty. But I've got to be in the right mood to see a story like that. I have to not be full of rage, which is hard for me right now at my age and my profession. Yeah. In my circumstances, you know, no money, many children, 50 shows a day. You know, I'm just a little bit upset about everything.

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I'm irritated. I'm in a constant state of irritation. But I still think, even in my constant state of irritation, I just think that I would see through... The noise, I would try to make amends in some way, shape, or form.

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Now people are way past the point.

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Everything Blake Lively ever said is now being rehashed, and everybody hates her. Not everybody, but people dislike her, right? They think that she's kind of a snotty human being. When she was doing press for that movie, a couple of questions were asked about domestic violence, and she was like, that's not what the movie is all about. Kind of like, look at my jeans.

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Don't look at my domestic violence, look at my jeans. Kind of thing. Maybe she was just not... jazzed with the questions or the interviewer. I don't know. Who knows what's in Blake Lively's head? But they both have the world at their disposal. They both have the world at their fingertips.

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It was one of the best... It was one of the most popular movies of 2024, regardless of whose cut got out there. It doesn't matter. You're part of a project that did really well, right? Now, if you were actually sexually harassed, I can understand fighting to make sure that doesn't happen again and that people see... who Justin Baldoni is so that they don't get in a similar situation with him.

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Like a lot of other places with flowing water and bodies of water around it, the water's not always so clean. Now, we've done a good job of cleaning it up.

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But now there's so much noise, it's hard to know what's true or not. There seems to be no truth. Everybody's just giving their version of the story. Welcome to the age of 2025 when truth doesn't matter. It's just about who talks the loudest. Done with it. Done with it.

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Let's move on to the Oscar contenders. Yes. Amelia Perez. Speaking of Perez, Amelia Perez. Is it Amelia Perez? Is that it? I think so, yes. Amelia Perez.

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Very controversial. And I didn't know until I started digging in on the drama drops around Amelia Perez. This is a story, like many other Hollywood stories, it's your typical... Drug lord gets a sex change to avoid any kind of responsibility for all his heinous actions and then misses his family and so he becomes a woman to get back with him. Kind of love story. We all know it. We've all seen it.

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It's another retelling of that story. But in inexplicable fashion, form and fashion, it is a musical. Now, I took the time to go watch some of the clips of this out there. And I have a hard time understanding how this is a best picture contender. I don't knock the performances. I don't knock the sensitivity or insensitivity with which they handled the trans issues in that.

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The Chattahoochee River Keepers are a favorite charity of mine that do God's work by going out there and picking up old condoms and dead cows out of the Chattahoochee River. But still, you're taking your life into your own hands if you're riding down that Chattahoochee River in a raft. I swear to God.

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That's for someone who has a dog in that fight to really bet out, right? But they at least used a trans actress, right? to portray the drug lord who got a sex change operation so that he could go back out into the public. It's actually an interesting story.

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But why it's a musical, and why they have an actual, an entire five minutes dedicated to a song about Vagiable, I have no idea. Like, it's just a little weird. It's a little bit of a strange story. And many critics out there are curious as to how this became an Oscar contender because they named it in one of the weirdest, oddest, worst movies of the year. This is...

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The Oscars, like every other award out there, are bought and paid for. It's just a fact. If you have any other illusion, let me put that illusion to rest. It is bought and paid for. They lobby the voters to make sure that they get votes. And they do that in a lot of different ways.

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If you open up any trade rag, like the Hollywood Reporter, if you go to L.A., they have billboards sometimes for your consideration.

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I just love that movie. I think it's wonderful. But this is how the Grammys happen. This is how the Oscars happen. This is how the Golden Globes happen. The foreign press, all of them. They all happen in the same manner. You have to have a PR machine that's making sure you get in front of the voters. so that you can get nominated.

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And then once you get nominated, if you get nominated, then you really have to, then the heat has to come on. You have to really try and win the affection of the people who are voting for this, the Actors Guild, Screen Actors Guild, or whatever it is. So, Amelia Perez is kind of an outlier in the sense that many critics did not think this movie was that great. But for some reason, it got voted in.

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Okay, let's assume that there's a lot of people out there in the voting community that did like this movie. Don't know, haven't seen it. Again, I have no information. I'm just speculating. But what's crazy is now the woman who played Amelia Perez in this movie cannot go and be a part of the Oscar scene. She cannot lobby. She cannot be a part of the Oscar scene because she has lost it a little bit.

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No fucking way. Astrid said, this is a conversation we have once a year. She says, what if we get it... Every summer. Every spring.

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And people have dug up old tweets that they say were racist. Right, I saw that. you know, homophobic and all this other stuff. I read the tweets. I think some people are being a little bit sensitive. I don't think she was being super offensive. But I get it. Everything is a reason to get upset if you're looking for a reason to get upset, right? And that's the way that it is.

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But now she has to disconnect herself from the PR machine and the fun and all that other stuff because of these things that were said in the hopes that... that they can soften the landing a little bit on this bad press and be in contention for Amelia Perez. Can we all just say that Wicked was the best movie of the year and get on with life?

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I think it is. I think it is. Wicked Oscars. Astrid wouldn't know this. Yes. Best Picture. Wicked.

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Best Actress. Best Supporting Actress. Best Original Score. Best Production Design. Best Makeup and Hairstyling. Best Visual Effects. Best Filmetting. Best Costume Design. Best Sound Design. Wow. It won. I mean, not won. It got nominated for a ton of stuff. For everything. Oscar. Let's see the other ones. Nominees.

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Nora? Yeah. anora anora look at the best picture okay amelia perez a complete unknown conclave conclave was good i want to see conclave really bad nickel boys i do want to see that also i'm still here the substance dune part two also a fucking fantastic movie wicked anora and the brutalist wow that's a lot yeah you say five and now they have ten yes Okay, interesting.

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When we see those, because we live near the river. So we drive over the river a lot on the bridges over the river. And she'll say to me, hey, look, those people out there. And I say, yeah, those fucking lunatics out there. You know... with an early death wish out there in the Chattahoochee River. There are so many things that could go wrong in flowing water.

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I do think I do remember that happening at one point. They upped it. Yeah, they upped it. So, Onora is the one about the sex worker who marries the Russian oligarch's son?

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You liked it? I enjoyed it, yeah. Now, I don't want you to tell me the plot because I want to watch this movie, but I want you to agree or disagree with this statement. Okay. I saw someone on Instagram that said, this was the best movie of the year. It had me laughing for the first hour and 30 minutes and crying for the last 15.

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That's all I need to know. Thank you. Thank you.

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You weren't crying? No, I wasn't crying. She has no feelings, folks. Can't you tell? She's like Frankie Valli.

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Okay, it's a sad situation.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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And she, once a year, thinks it's a good idea to take our small children and all of them onto an inner tube and ride down that Chattahoochee. To which I say, nah, we're not doing that. Because not only do we have to contend with flowing water, rocks and all kinds of other stuff. I've seen adults get in trouble out there. I've done this probably 10 times, 11 times in my life.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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And I've seen full grown ass men. get caught somewhere on the river in some kind of trouble because these aren't motorized crafts. They're just inner tubes that were blown up by some teenager getting paid $12 an hour. And then they throw you in the river and they say, good luck. And you're like, oh, where do I stop? I don't know either. But when you do, there'll be a bus there waiting for you.

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And I'm not naive enough to believe that there's not poop in most of our waterways. That's probably how it works. That's how it's worked for eons and decades, you know, since humans have been around, since animals have been around. Animals, yeah. Animals poop in that water all the time, too. All the bass poop. Listen, I can get over that. The bass poop. That's what I worry about is the bass poop.

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Yeah, good luck with that. There's no sign. No one knows what's going on. They don't tell you where the rocks are. They don't have anybody there directing traffic. It's a big clusterfuck. And besides all of that, you can't be assured of what's in or out of the river. Now, I'm a noted germaphobe. Not like Howie Mandel germaphobe, but I'm a noted germaphobe.

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is apparently the Margaritaville Cruise Line. There is a cruise line, or a cruise ship, I should say, called the Margaritaville Cruise Ship.

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They do. He's dead, and what can we do now? I mean, it's just a corporation that's going to sell his name to anything. I think the Margaritaville, like the resorts and the housing, like the retirement places, I think that Margaritaville, the company, is somewhat involved in the management of those.

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I went to the Margaritaville Resort.

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And we were just talking about this the other day. Listen, is this even in my top 30 places I have ever stayed, resorts that I have ever stayed? No.

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Yeah, we went Thursday. We came back on Sunday. We went... you know, right as school had started for most kids, but not our kids yet. So it was very quiet. We went to Panama City. I told the story. The place was brand new. It had just opened a couple of months earlier, so it was not very busy. And I will tell you something. That Margaritaville didn't impress me much.

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I just can't take the thought that I would put my mouth, my head, my hands in a river where people have been known to get brain-eating amoebas inside of their nostrils and die from it. It's not for me. So while this looks like shits and giggles, you know, 10,000 people on a raft in the middle of the Chattahoochee, it's not like that anymore, Chrissy. It's not like the good old days.

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It was kind of like, you know, a neighborhood, essentially, with a really cool pool. You still had to walk

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football field to get to the actual beach and the beach was beautiful but it was not on the beach unless you rented one of their huge houses for like you know ten thousand dollars a week or whatever but those kids my kids still talk about that place on a weekly basis and they want to go back every time right oh by the way i have news about the great wolf lodge

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One of their team members, let's put it that way. I don't want to give away any identifying information. One of their team members is coming on the show to tell us all the gory details about Great Wolf Lodge.

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We've got to disguise the name and, you know, do some things to make sure that they don't lose their job. But they have agreed to come on air and tell us some stories, not about the one here in Atlanta, but on another location around the country. And I actually can't wait because they texted some stories to me and I was like, oh, you got to come on and tell some of these stories.

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So they'll be on next week. We're doing an expose on Great Wolf Lodge and I'm never going to be invited back. It's yet another place I cannot go. But anyway, that Margaritaville cruise, that's exactly what happened. They slapped the name. They bought the rights, essentially, to put the Margaritaville on there. But it's been called the worst cruise ship in America by many travel critics.

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It really does. I mean. It's a tiny boat, and it is really disgusting. Like, it's old. It's not renovated well. The rooms are, like, Motel 6 has better rooms than these rooms. And most of them do not have balconies. They're all, like, you know, porthole windows, which I can't go on a cruise ship unless you give me a balcony.

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If I don't have a way to get some fresh air or jump off the boat in case of emergency, I don't have any interest in it. But this Margaritaville is taking it to a new low. Yeah. The food is sickening. The activities are zero. And the boat is in bad, bad shape. Who regulates that stuff? The National Cruise Ship Place of America. Elon Musk. Doge. Cutting costs. Doge. Doge does. Good old Doge.

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Does anyone else find it funny that Doge is the name of the organization that Elon... Wasn't he like... Ra-ra-sis-boom-ba about the Dogecoin at one point? Okay, just checking to make sure I got my math right there. Yeah, Elon Musk is apparently in charge of the cruise ships. But it got me thinking, and it got me thinking seriously about maybe, maybe taking some equipment.

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By the way, the cruise ship, the room rates, I looked for like a three-day Caribbean cruise, he's like $180 a person. We can bring some of our own supplies, right?

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This is my pitch to you. And I'm doing it on air so that you feel pressured to do this. We'll find a way to get a balcony room. We'll find a way to get on there. But I think we must do the commercial break from a place that is worthy of the commercial break. The Margaritaville cruise ship.

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Now we got microplastics in our brains.

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If you work for the Margaritaville cruise line, if you know of anybody that works for the Margaritaville cruise line, or you just want to sponsor us going on the Margaritaville cruise line, I know if I can get it for free, Chrissy might entertain the idea. Listen, it will be fun. We'll have a great time, Chrissy. I promise.

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No one reached out about the Ritz Cruiser.

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So all of that is to say the first annual commercial break, TCB shooting the hooch for charity will be down there.

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I figured, well, let's lower the bar all the way to the bottom and then maybe we can jump above it. You know what I'm saying? I don't know. I just saw this guy doing this review video. This was last night or the night before last.

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I saw this guy doing a review video, and I thought, wouldn't it be funny to do a podcast from the cruise ship, report on what we see and what we do, and then get some feedback from the other people that are on the cruise ship? By the way, the cruise ship, mostly empty. There wasn't a whole lot of people there. We could have the cruise ship to ourselves.

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Yeah, okay, look into it. But just know two things before you get into this. We can bring disinfectant and all... And our own food? And our own food. That's right. We can sneak our own food onto the cruise ship. It can't be that bad. We'll be together. We'll be together. We can bring Jeff and Astrid. Doesn't Jeff have some extra time to go on a margarita cruise ship?

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I remember one year we're driving along and my dad's radio station, whichever one, you know, one of the, we were either listening to angry talk radio, uh, B 98.5, which was like the soft rock channel, you know, uh, you know, she's like the wind, you know, all those frilly love songs, the Eagles, the Eagles. Yeah.

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Fuck, fuck no. Fuck. Well, generally, I don't think Margaritaville cruise ships. Well, I mean, I did bring them to the resort, but I guess they had a water slide. So what else do you want? All right. Do you want to see Chrissy and I go to the Margaritaville cruise ship? Sponsor it. Tell us you know somebody over there.

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Get us some free tickets or just stay tuned and we'll figure out a way to do it ourselves. Well, I guess that's all I got for today.

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Yeah, listen, I think this would be fun. I think this would be fun. I think we would have a good time. I think you and I would have a good time anywhere we go.

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But if we went... You know what my real vision was? Go on the Margaritaville cruise ship. And because it's so dirt cheap, invite some of our listeners to come like an unofficial commercial break cruise. We don't tell the cruise line. We don't put any kind of organization. You come at your own risk, essentially. You pay for it. Don't bother us. But we'll be there.

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And then we can all have some fun together. And we'll report back on what we'll do. We'll do a show each day and we'll report back. It's three days long. What could happen? Why? Why don't we were friends? What could happen?

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We could get definitely ill. Yeah. I just want to know who the captain is. I just want to make sure the captain has all his eyes and legs. That's all I care about.

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If we're just going to the Caribbean, I feel like we could swim if something happened. If something bad happened, we could be in the water for a couple of days. It's warm water.

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Okay, look into it. Let me know. I feel like this is the kind of thing that the commercial break should do every once in a while. It's better than going to the gathering of the juggalos. That was my next idea. But I don't know that my body can take too many more drugs. So I think I got to put that idea away for a little while. I just had surgery to remove a tumor.

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I don't think I should fill it full of cocaine and Faygo.

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All right. If you love the show, sharing is caring. Do us a favor and share with one of your friends. Leave us a positive review. Leave us a negative review.

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We'd love it. We'd love you forever. Text us 212-433-3TCB. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. We take them all right there. TCBpodcast.com. All the audio, all the video right there from one location and your free sticker. Also at the commercial break on Instagram and youtube.com slash the commercial break for all the episodes.

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on video alright Chrissy that's all I can do for today I think so I'll tell you that I love you and I love you best to you best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe until next time Chrissy and I will say we do say and we must say goodbye I take a dick and keep on licking.

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Or we were listening to Z93, which is classic rock. Led Zeppelin, Purple Haze, stuff like that. One of those three stations. All of them were promoting that damn shoot in the hooch shit. I was a young man. One of the radio stations had the brilliant idea that for a dollar, you could get a rubber ducky, and they would put your name on the rubber ducky.

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They would throw it down the hooch with the rest of the rafts, and then whichever one came in first had a chance to win $10,000. So it was like a contest that they were doing.

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Yes, the race of the duckies. Now, I'm thinking about this many years later as I'm looking at this post, that I think my dad was convinced to buy one of those rubber duckies at one point. My dad, he did not, he wasn't a frivolous man. He did not do things like this. But for some reason, I remember there was a rubber ducky that we bought or something. Of course, we didn't win the $10,000.

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Because who's keeping track of those rubber duckies once they get in the river? Who? Who's keeping track of those? How do they make sure they catch all of them? Where was the rubber ducky going? Where was it supposed to get off? Who was in charge of making sure the rubber ducky got off? It is a non-motorized rubber ducky without even a human being on it. What are you doing?

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Unbelievable how things have changed.

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Everybody threw everything into the river. I think there was a river in Buffalo, New York that was on fire for a decade or something like that.

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Oh, the River of Fire in Ohio. Yeah, it just didn't set itself on fire and it was on fire for like 10 years or something.

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It's like that, remember they were trying to clean up the Seine River for the French Olympics? Yeah, I don't ever think they really, I don't ever think they had swimming there.

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Oh, they were like, oh, this is not. This sucks, yeah. Yeah, I mean, that was never a good idea. That was never a good idea. I've been to Paris. I saw them pulling stuff out of the river. There were like, I don't know what you call them. They're people who take the, like the magnet fishers. Do you know what I'm talking about?

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Bass ass. That's what I'm worried about.

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So they take huge magnets, they put them in the water, and they see what they can pull up. So we were watching some magnet fishers around the Lovelock Bridge.

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Yeah, that's not what they were picking up. They were picking up bicycles left and right. Because apparently... In Paris, it's just a thing. When you get done with your bike, when your bike's old and it doesn't work anymore, you just throw it in the river.

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So they took out tens of thousands of bikes from that river, but they still couldn't clean it up to a point where human beings should be in there. It's a sad state of affairs when you think about it. When I really don't want my children playing in the Chattahoochee River. And I don't know. To me... My dad lives on a lake. Let me give you an example. My dad lives on a lake.

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The lake is controlled by Duke Energy. It's controlled by the dam. And Duke Energy is in charge of that dam. Therefore, Duke Energy is responsible for the cleanliness of that lake. That's their job. They made the lake. It's for their private uses to make money. It is their responsibility to make sure that that lake stays in some kind of good shape. Well,

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The lake has this weird film on top of it, like this weird, frilly, foamy film that kind of goes all over the place. It's dark in nature, in color. It looks like floating poop. If I'm just being honest to you, it just looks like a pile of shit is what it looks like floating in places, not everywhere. And I wonder what that is.

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And while my dad tries to convince me that it's just the natural comings and goings of Mother Nature, I think it looks like the natural comings and goings of a lot of drunk rednecks, in my opinion. But that makes me nervous when I send my children out to go swimming in there.

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Many people have been sick coming out of my dad's house. There's lots of different reasons, I think, for that sickness. But it does seem to be true that, you know, there's a better chance than not someone's going to come home.

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It's not helping, I don't think. I actually saw a person take a poop in that lake one time. Yeah, I'm not going to get into all the details, but there was an incident where someone had to go and they just let it rip right off the side of a dock. And I was like, oh. Kids, kids. Roll them up. Roll them up. Big Ben, Parliament, let's go. Come on, out, out.

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Yeah, we took the kids out for the rest of the day and then had to leave early the next day because you don't know where that poop is floating. And I'm not naive enough to believe that there's not poop in most of our waterways. That's probably how it works. That's how it's worked for eons and decades, you know, since humans have been around, since animals have been around.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

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Animals, yeah. Animals poop in that water all the time, too. All the bass poop. Listen, I can get over that. The bass poop. That's what I worry about is the bass poop. Bass ass. That's what I'm worried about. When I'm going down that Chattahoochee River, I think about bass ass. Because those bass, they just open their mouth. They're bottom feeders. They suck in whatever comes.

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That means if a human poop is floating down the river, they just open up their mouth and they eat it.

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Yeah, they're the cleaners. But then what? But everything poops. You know what I'm saying? So if it goes in one end, it's got to come out the other. I'm a little nervous about this. I'm just a little nervous. I don't think anybody that doesn't have a great immune system should be running down that Chattahoochee on a raft, my personal opinion.

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And I will argue that with my wife until my kids are long out of this house, that no, we shouldn't go shoot the hooch.

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Yeah, it's a thing. They're going to go do it. I'm going to say wear a face condom. Watch out for the bass ass. Watch out for bass ass, kids. We never know what they're sucking in or throwing out. When you shot the hooch, why would you not return to it?

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. I certainly do appreciate it. I was just here reading, there's a Facebook page called I Grew Up Atlanta.

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Wow, you had a whole flotilla.

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No shit. Yes. Yeah. That was my challenge every time I did it.

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So they would say to you, like, you know, and listen, these are companies that have been around for a long time. They're reputable places. I'm not trying to knock their business model. But, you know, the shoot and the hooch or the chat, whatever the name of the company is. But every spring they open up and there is a landing here and there's a landing there and there's a landing two miles.

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Oh, okay. So you're like up in North Georgia somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. OK, so and what they tell you is they give you a piece of paper and it says about two hours to get to landing A, about two hours to get to landing B and about an additional two hours to get to landing C. So you your call, you do whatever you want to do.

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And when you get there, we have a bus that'll take you back to your car with the raft. So you rent the raft. But these are kids. They're literally children, you know, 16, 17 years old that are filling these rafts. Some are jobs and they push you off and you have no, there's no fucking clue about like, okay, about two hours.

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But that largely depends on how fast the water is going, how much water is in the river, whether or not the dam has released water over the last couple of days. There's like a lot of X factors that go into it. And that doesn't include the rapids, the rocks, the shallow water, the pee breaks, all the different stuff that you have to do.

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And there's parts of the river where you can stand and there's parts of the river that are way too deep. You can. So for me, almost every time I went out there, we ended up floating too far and we're another two hours in. You're right. It always became like a way too long adventure. Two hours, I can handle. But now imagine you brought an 18-pack amongst three people. You're two hours in.

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And they are talking about the...

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beginnings of the great american ramblin raft race which then became shooting the hooch shooting the hooch shooting the chattahoochee i'm sure every town that has a river or a big stream has some version of this a million people decide on one day that they're going to get together put their rafts inside of the flowing water and head on down a big old boozy sunday with a bunch of beer yeah

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You miss the exit. There's no way to turn back. You're not going to hand paddle upstream on a flowing river that's pretty big, actually, you know, half a mile wide in some places. So you're not going to get very far. So you miss that first exit. It's not like a car where you get off at the next exit and turn around. Now you've got to make sure you hit the second one.

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And I remember one time we also missed the second one, and now we were six hours in.

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It was almost dark. Like, it was basically dark. And we were lucky. Lucky. Only because now we were super attentive for two hours. No water, no beer, no food.

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Yes. I'm done. I'm done. But now we're in for another two hours. Here we go. Because you can't just, like, pull off on the side. Like, it's a river with a bunch of trees and bushes. You can't just yank your and then hope that someone finds you and comes and picks you up. I know. You never know where you are. Here's my point. Don't shoot the hooch.

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If I'm going to tell you to do something, I'd rather you go to the dysentery-filled Whitewater Rapids theme park here in Georgia, where at least it smells like chlorine. You know there's bleach in the water. Then go into the Chattahoochee River. No knock on all the wonderful people who are trying to keep it clean, but I'm not sure it is.

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Sure. Don't get your feet anywhere near the water, but sure. It's like that New Orleans soup. Is that what they call it? New Orleans stew, New Orleans whatever, the water that collects in the streets. Some guy was making a video of it. He's like, you see that he had like in that New Orleans twang? He's like, you see that? That's New Orleans stew.

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It had like this film on top of it and there was like rats eating at it. And I was like, oh.

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And he's like, he's doing God's work because he explained that every time he sees a tourist in sandals, he alerts them that they should go immediately back to wherever it is they're staying, the hotel, and change their shoes or buy a pair of closed-toed shoes because you do not want to have open-toed shoes walking down Bourbon Street or any of those places.

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All that water that sits on those sidewalks is not fresh rainwater.

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Water, booze, pee, poop, puke. Yeah. I mean, honestly, Vegas and New Orleans, keep your shoes on. That's all I can say. Even though Vegas does a good job of keeping itself clean, you still never know what's on top of there. And that is much like that Chattahoochee water. You would never drink that. Most people in Atlanta don't even drink the tap water. That's like a no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

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It's haunting. Reminds me a lot of Tori Amos.

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Reminds me a lot of Tori Amos, who I went and saw live one time.

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Yeah, Lordy. Yep, there you go. You know, I went and saw Tori Amos one time. Tori Amos and a piano. That's it. On the stage, center stage, small theater.

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Couple hundred people. I was 16 or 17 years old. I got the tickets for my girlfriend at the time, Brooke, who really enjoyed... Tori Amos. She turned me on to her, and I just was in love with everything Tori Amos at the time. And we got there, and sitting in front of us was Michael Stipe. Oh, yeah. Was sitting in front of us at the show.

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And it was a rather intimate and intense experience in and of itself. It's like Tori Amos bled out emotion as she was playing that piano. Where was it? Center Stage Theater.

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So tiny. I mean, like 500, 600 people, and she was... Certainly very much. Like, she was at the peak of kind of her fame. Oh, yeah. Screwing that piano bench, thrashing at it, you know, banging on the piano. Everything about it was intense and beautiful, and every note played with...

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such dedication and almost like God coming through her fingers, it was hard not to be moved by Tori Amos in that room. And I think part of why it was so intense is because you were literally feet from her. And so you were watching an artist at the top of her game

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emotionally raw and vulnerable and in charge and every i mean all the things i can use all the words but the reality was it's a concert that will be in my top three forever and ever amen tori amos center stage theater 19 something um yeah Anyway.

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You got to listen to the bit on the front of that, by the way.

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I mean, you don't need my applause, but wow. Intense. Super beautiful. The whole song is great. Go check her out on Instagram. It's blowing up right now. So, all right, let's take a break. And then I'm going to tell you some of the more wild stories from musical history. I can't wait.

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Oh, I went way down it, actually. Way down it. Let me, I can't find the liner. Oh, there they are. Sometimes I get lost. All right, let's take a break and we'll go down the musical rabbit hole. We'll be back.

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Placebotide for your measles. Placebotide. Oh, Brian's at it again with the AI music. There you go. A lot of people said, hey, put out the playlist on Spotify. I'll listen to it. So I double checked to make sure I have commercial rights to my commercial break jingles. And indeed I do. So I can put them on Spotify if I so choose.

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Hey there, cats and kittens. I want to tell you about a podcast from HeadGum I think you're gonna like. It's Handsome with Tig Notaro, Fortune Fimster, and Mae Martin. Two of those people have appeared here on the commercial break. The third is conspicuously absent, and I will be following up.

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Every week, the Handsome hosts field a question from a friend and attempt to answer it together, covering every subject you could think of, from psychic experiences and reoccurring dreams to

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secret talents and favorite pop divas along the way tig fortune and may tell plenty of stories and just generally have a ridiculous time sound familiar both chrissy and i listen to this show and exactly like the commercial break they get questions from people like jennifer aniston paul simon conan o'brien tom hanks shirley ralph melissa mccarthy and other notable listeners just like the commercial break does

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Handsome is a great podcast with two of the three hosts being some of our favorite guests. And I will work on May Martin. Subscribe to Handsome wherever you listen to podcasts and check out the full episodes on YouTube. New episodes drop every Tuesday and Friday. HeadGum.com slash Handsome for a full episode list.

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Okay, you ready to hear some wild stories in music history? Yes. Okay, let's go through them. I'm just going to rapid fire these and we can talk about them as we go along.

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And I'm going to talk, let's go from most well-known to least well-known stories. How's that? That's the order that I put them in. Ready? The time Britney Spears performed with the live snake and almost got bit. I think most of us will remember this. Yeah, that was the MTV Music Awards. The 2001 VMAs.

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Yes. Britney performed I'm a Slave for You, wearing next to nothing and draped in a massive albino python. What viewers didn't know, the snake handler later claimed that Britney was incredibly nervous and the snake was stressed out and hissing, ready to strike. At one point during rehearsals, the snake lunged toward her face and producers considered replacing it.

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Britney insisted on keeping it because as legend has it, the snake was just too sexy and she wanted to keep it. Okay. Didn't know that little bit of tidbit of information, but I did hear that she was nervous around the snake.

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Yeah, the platform I use even has like a distribution place. Like you can copyright and distribute and all that other stuff. So that's coming. I don't know when. But it's coming sometime. It's not in the notebook.

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I don't mind the pythe. Yeah, I mean, honestly, like, what... It's like those guys, you know, what's his name and what's his name, Siegfried and Royd, that performed with live lions, tigers, and ligers for three fucking decades. Inches from audience members with nothing but a leash to hold the lions back, and in some cases, nothing. And those...

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Animals, those majestic fucking creatures, wild as they could be, stood there on a stoop for most of the show for 30 years until one night somebody got over it. Like somebody was done with it.

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Terrible tragedy. It was an interesting documentary and very sad.

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But you look back on it and you go, of course. You're lucky the audience didn't end up slaughtered. Yes. David Bowie's astronaut tribute almost crashed the ISS feed when Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield recorded a stunning cover of Space Oddity aboard the ISS, the International Space Station. It went viral. But here's the twist.

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David Bowie's team had to negotiate with NASA to even allow the song's use. And for months afterwards, the clip vanished from YouTube until rights were cleared. I did not know that, but I know the clip. Let's see here. Wu-Tang once sold a copy of an album for $2 million to one person. His name was Idiot Pharma Bro. Remember that guy?

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It'll happen. Don't worry. I figure I want to get like 30 really good songs and then maybe I'll publish it. But we're at like 20 right now. So give me some time. Actually, I have like hundreds of songs in there right now. But the challenge is that you have to keep on refreshing and refreshing and refreshing the ideas.

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He's not in jail anymore.

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Yeah, he got out. Limp Bizkit played Woodstock 99 for $3. Oh. I did not know that.

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Woodstock 99 was already a powder keg. There was no water, the heat, angry crowds, topless women. Then Limp Bizkit played Break Stuff and encouraged the crowd to break stuff.

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Riots broke out, people tore plywood from the stage, fires and looting began to happen. Fred Durst later said, we didn't know what was happening. Promoters blamed the band, the band blamed the crowd, the crowd blamed the port-a-potties. And we all remember it because it happened live on MTV.

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There's a couple documentaries about Woodstock 99, actually. Go watch it. It is a lesson in what not to do when you're at a fucking live show from both the promoter's standpoint and the crowd's standpoint. Mid-performance at an iHeartRadio music fest, Green Day's set was suddenly cut short so Usher could go on.

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But Billy Joe Armstrong exploded on stage yelling, I'm not Justin fucking Bieber, motherfuckers. He smashed his guitar, stormed off stage and checked into rehab the very next day. Really? Yes. I didn't know he checked into rehab. I've seen the video of this happening, but I didn't know he checked into rehab. He had a bad drinking problem, I think is what it was.

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I remember Bjork beat up a reporter in 1996. I do remember that. Okay, let's go to less known stories. Ready? The time Keith Moon drove a Rolls Royce into a pool on his birthday. Keith Moon, the drummer for The Who, was... When you hear crazy rock and roll stories, like that rock and rollers are crazy and they trash hotel rooms and they have sex with fish.

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Keith Moon is the reason why those stories are around. He was, by all accounts, the craziest human being anybody had ever met. He also happened to be one of the better drummers that ever lived. Yes.

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Hey, listen, if I... If you can afford to drive a Rolls Royce into a pool, drive a Rolls Royce into a pool. You know what I'm saying? I can afford to drive one of those Flintstones cars.

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I threw that in the pool once. It was just for fun. Then I had to go get it.

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I'm making that video. That's coming up over the summer. I'll probably drown. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh, I lost my place. Brian lost his place in line. In 1967, the Who's drummer, Keith Moon, celebrates his 21st birthday by throwing a party in Flint, Michigan, at a Holiday Inn.

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If you ask it to do something and it doesn't do quite what you want it to, then you have to go back and prompt it to do something else. So it's quite the... It's quite the ordeal of typing words in order to make beautiful music.

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The night included naked cake fights, a TV thrown out a window, and Moon, allegedly driving a Lincoln Continental, not a Rolls Royce as the legend would have it, into the hotel pool. He lost a tooth and was arrested in his underwear. The hotel banned the Who for life, and the Holiday Inn chain used the story as a cautionary tale. They would put it in like in hotels.

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They would put like little flyers that said, you know, be respectful or whatever.

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Yeah. Holiday Inn is also where I put 27 pixie sticks into an air conditioner and turned it up. One band signed their contract in literal blood. Yes. In 2006, the band The Used, turned out well for them, decided signing a contract with a pen was just too boring. So they decided to use their own blood. They pricked their fingers and signed their Warner Brothers contract with their own blood.

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Yeah, honestly. Alice Cooper didn't do that first? Ozzy Osbourne? Somebody? Yeah. Let's see. I don't care about Elvis Presley. Frank Zappa was once pushed off stage by a fan and broke so many bones, he spent a year in a wheelchair.

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Yeah, I imagine you would do that. You know, I also was in a band once where there was a fall from stage. Only it was Jose Cuervo that pushed me off the stage. And I was too broke to be in a wheelchair for a year. In 1971, during a show at the London's Rainbow Theatre, a fan rushed the stage, shoved Zappa into the orchestra pit, claiming he was jealous of Zappa's relationship with his girlfriend.

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Zappa broke his leg, crushed his larynx, and suffered permanent damage to his voice. He spent a year in the wheelchair and had to relearn how to perform. His next album, The Grand Wazoo, was written during... It's recovered. Angry, weirder, and more complex than anything before. Well, you could never, angrier, weirder, and more complex is like, it's a high bar for Frank Zappa.

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And then I have to come up with the lyrics, which is always, you know, fun. My kid was in here. One of the kids that could read was in here the other day. And I'm writing this bit about writing the song about Frankie B. And in the song, it says something about penis. So he can hear what's going on. And he goes, why did you use the word penis in the song? And I go, we all got one, kid.

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Yeah, Frank was a very interesting musician.

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I like a few of his things. It was never like my super flavor. What I like is when Frank got together with other musicians and created good music.

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I was never like a huge solo Frank Zappa. However, Dweezil Zappa. Now, Dweezil, you named your kid Dweezil. I mean, honestly, Frank, you could have gone for Bob Zappa instead of Dweezil Zappa. Poor fucking kid. When Metallica and Lou Reed made a collab album so bad, it broke up the friendship. I didn't even remember this.

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In 2001, Metallica and Lou Reed made an experimental album called Lulu, which no one asked for and almost everybody disliked. Reed said it was the best thing anyone's ever done, while critics called it unlistenable. Like being yelled at by your dad after he drank too much red wine, said one fan.

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lars later said some metallica fans sent death threats reed laughed and said they just don't get it it's now a cult classic of music gone completely off the rails i had no idea until i read that that they had done an album called lulu let's see if um lulu that's not the name of the album i would expect from either one of them no okay here's just a taste Yep, that's about enough of that.

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All right. I love everything Lou Reed, but that was not, as a guy who loves everything Lou Reed and Velvet Underground, that was not anything that I was even aware of until I read that. Probably for good reason. Right.

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Now, here's one I do remember, but many people may not. Creed once played to an empty arena and then got sued for sucking so bad. In December of 2002, a show in Chicago, Creed was so bad that four fans filed a lawsuit claiming that the band couldn't sing, play, or even perform and that they were wasted beyond comprehension.

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Lead singer Scott Stapp reportedly laid on stage for long stretches and forgot most of the lyrics. Yeah. The band later blamed a bad reaction to prescription medication.

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Yeah, when you take 20 Vicodin at one time, you're going to have a bad reaction. It didn't go to court, but Creed vs. the People is an amazing moment in rock and roll history. It really is. I think they settled out of court, actually, on that one. Gave them their money back and then a couple hundred dollars and some merch for the trouble. Merch. I mean, Creed. It's just an amazing, amazing story.

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Creed is a story that, that's another one of those stories that I'll follow to the very end. I think Creed is doing another, like, boat cruise show. And all the 90s bands are getting back together. Gin Blossoms and Blues Traveler are playing with, like, Better Than Ezra or something.

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Yeah. And, okay, I guess that's the nostalgia tour none of us were asking for, but here it comes. Yeah. The punk band that faked its own breakup by faking their own deaths. Did you hear about this one?

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In the early 2000s, an obscure Swedish punk band called the Tupperware Remix Party claimed in a press release that they had all died in a synthesizer accident.

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Fans took to mourning. Obituaries were written, but six months later, they showed up alive with fake mustaches, new stage names, and a resurrection tour. When asked why they did it, we wanted to see if we could become legends without doing anything particularly legendary. That's really smart. We should have thought about that 400 episodes ago. We should have.

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Bob Dylan was once held at gunpoint for looking suspicious wearing a hoodie.

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In 2009, Bob Dylan, wandering alone in a hoodie in Long Branch, New Jersey, was stopped by two young cops who had no idea who he was. When asked what he was doing, Dylan said, just walking. The cops thought he was casing a house. He didn't have an ID and gave a fake-sounding name, Bob Dylan. Ha!

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It's all good. And he goes, are you writing a song about penises? I said, not specifically about penises, but there is a penis attached.

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They called for backup only when senior officers arrived and confirmed that this was indeed musical legend Bob Dylan did they let him go. Dylan reportedly found it very funny. The cops, however, did not.

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It happens to me everywhere I go. Young kids just don't recognize me. However, if you're in the over 60 crowd, you're like, how do you download a podcast? The diva demands of Van Halen's M&M's. Oh, the old M&M's story. You may have heard, speaking of young kids, you probably haven't heard this one. You may have heard the no brown M&M's story, but you don't know that there's a twist.

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It wasn't just rock star ego. In the early 1980s, Van Halen buried a clause in their concert rider requesting all brown M&M's be removed backstage. Why? Why? because their production was so complex with pyro and weight limits that they'd hide this clause to see if promoters were really reading the rider clause.

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Penis appearance. There's a pee-pee appearance. Pop its little head out of the hole. There you go. Turtle in its shell popped right out. So I want to talk about music because I we had a very interesting conversation with a guest that you'll hear next week, Ricky Lindholm. who is married to Fred Armisen, but a creator, an artist, a comedian, and a musician in her own right.

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If they saw the brown M&Ms, they knew the likely was... If they saw brown M&Ms, they knew the venue likely skipped on safety protocols also. It was less diva, more booby trap. Wow. You know, that's pretty fucking smart.

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And when we start doing live shows... We're doing something very similar. I'm going to request a pound of cocaine, and if it doesn't show up, I'll know that they're not going to get me M&Ms either.

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Yeah, they asked me if there was a rider, and I'm like, a rider? Yes. Can I get a bottle of water, please? Can I use the elevator, please? I'm not a fucking diva. I'm not going to ask for a rider. That's crazy.

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It wasn't specified in the first email, but I assumed it was for the guests. So I said, hey, listen, water, maybe like potato chips. I don't know, something to nibble on if they were there for an extended amount of time. Yeah, refreshments, some soda and stuff like that. And I'm sure they have a vending machine somewhere. Like, I don't think we need to worry about it too much.

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And I don't think we have the kind of guests that have riders. We're not asking Tom Cruise to come up. We don't need hair and makeup. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Oh. Oh. The performance was reportedly extra fiery, and Jared joked that it was probably because I thought I was dead. Right. The incident was never widely reported, but jazz heads still whisper about it in folklore.

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I didn't know jazz heads were getting together doing folklore.

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The whispers. The whispers. Did you hear about Jared? He almost died. I almost took his $300 gig. Poor jazz musicians. I mean, they really get the shit under the stick. It's the truth. And some of them are probably the most talented.

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If you're like a true, true jazz fan, like a free form jazz exploration type of fan, you are a certain type of musical fan because jazz can be weird and wild and wonderful, like Frank Zappa and the commercial break.

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But the reality is, is that sometimes it's hard to follow and sometimes it's not necessarily.

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Yes, for sure. Now, there's like, you know, the kind of more accessible jazz, right, which is more melodic kind of jazzy types, jazzy bluesy type stuff, you know, rhythmic, melodic jazz. I love that. It can be very accessible. And oftentimes there's beautiful music. And I don't mean physically. I mean, like, beautifully talented musicians that are playing that kind of stuff.

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But you go to, like, the super jazz heads, like the, you know, hey, man. Hey, dude. You know, that crazy. Yeah. Like, what do they call that?

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Skedaddle out of here. Skedaddle out of here. Why don't we bring that word back? What happened to skedaddle? What a great word.

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Skedaddle. Next time I'm in a road rage incident, I'm going to be like, you skedaddle out of here.

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Oh, blue.

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Oh, my Starbucks boyfriend. He's got a dog. That's how we met because he has this dog. He brings up beautiful white dog. He's great. I saw him this morning. Beautiful white dog. You know, I mean, the most beautiful coat you've ever seen on a dog. And he's like a he's like a bulldog pit bull mix.

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But he's just the sweetest dog you've ever seen in your entire life. Loves everybody, sniffs everybody, says hello to everybody. Anyway, my Starbucks boyfriend, he's got a, something happened to his thumb last night. It's like jammed it or hurt it. He's like trying to hold the dog, but it really hurts. So the dog is barking because when the dog barks, it's time he has to go, right?

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And so I said, listen, let me take care. I'll go take the dog. Just trying to be nice, right? Your hand hurts. Let me go take the dog. The dog can, it's huge. It can yank people around.

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So I say, okay, I'll go. So I take the dog outside, does its business, listens to everything I say right next to my side. And I go, why didn't I get this dog? What happened to this dog? And I come back and Starbucks boyfriend is like, oh, you did, you know, you're a good dog dad. You know, thanks so much. And I said, yeah, I have the worst dog ever.

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And she said something very interesting during that interview that led me down a big rabbit hole last night. And I'll preview the conversation. We were talking about Hall & Oates and that she had a relationship with Oates, like a friendly relationship with Oates. And she mentioned a story about how they got together, how Hall & Oates got together. I don't want to give it away yet.

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Yeah, this is not really a chore for me.

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So back to jazz, there used to be a club here called Cafe 290. Do you remember Cafe 290 behind the punchline? Might still be there. I don't know. That's like where the real jazz heads went in Atlanta. And we would always go there. And you're right. You have to be in the right kind of mood to listen to jazz, mainly high on cocaine.

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That's the kind of mood that I was in when I would listen to jazz music over there. All right. Let me tell you the story about Hall and Oates because this is like the meat and potatoes. I got a few more, but we'll tell the story about Hall and Oates and wrap it up when we get back.

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All right, a couple more, then I'll give you the Hall & Oates story. Okay. The disco cat that did nothing but meow over a beat. I think I vaguely, vaguely remember something about this one when I read it last night. A mysterious artist named Muppet the Cat released a disco single in Germany called Meow Meow, which was literally just a loop of a cat meowing rhythmically.

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It charted in Belgium for almost a month. The song was made as a prank by a bored sound engineer testing a vocal order. It was later sampled by a Berlin DJ collective in the 2000s. Even weirder, some fans believed that the cat was real and sent fan mail to Moppet in the 1000s. Oh, God. 1983 was such a long time ago. I mean, it really was.

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You would never send... Do you think Taylor Swift still gets fan mail? Probably, huh? Oh, yeah. Little girls and stuff like that. Oh, yeah. We don't get any fan mail. Actually, we do get family.

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Do you know that one of our fans, two of our fans, Jenny, and then another fan, made us crochet creatures, things, and they sent them to us. That's so sweet. I'll share it with you in a couple of weeks because there's a reason why I'm saving it, but I'll share it with you in a couple of weeks. The musician who quit to become a monk then returned with a techno album about enlightenment. Okay.

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Okay. So she said, but I don't know that this story is true. And the story sounded so outrageous that I was like, I've never heard that story about Hall & Oates. Is it or isn't it true? And I went and did some homework and I found out that it is in fact true. And I'll share the story with you just a little bit.

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British producer Tom Middleton, of global communications fame, disappeared from music in 2003. Turns out he just joined a silent Buddhist monastery in Nepal for five years. When he returned, he released a concept album titled Samasara Baseline, a binaural techno record intended to guide listeners through the stages of awakening. Tracks include Suffering is Optional, but this drop is not.

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I bet it is good, actually. You know, I'd like to listen to it. Maybe I'll pull it up on Spotify one day. The Icelandic band, only using sounds from melting ice. In 2009, experimental group Glossia recorded an entire ambient album using only the sounds of ice melting, crackling, and breaking. Sounds great. They captured the noises in real time using submerged microphones and glaciers.

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The result, slow collapse, a haunting meditative record that unintentionally documented climate change through rhythm. At one listening event, they served cocktails with glacial ice to complete the sonic cycle. The band dissolved after just one album. Fittingly, just like their sound source. Honestly, I mean, okay, I get it. It's fun. It's cool. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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The accordion player who was briefly banned from Switzerland for playing, quote, way too aggressively. What? What? In Switzerland? I had no idea. In Switzerland.

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I lived there for a minute. You did. In 1992, French street performer Amélie Verdot was arrested at the Swiss border crossing after being cited in multiple towns for overly aggressive accordion technique. What? Locals said he slammed the keys like a demon Satan and caused distress to nearby livestock. This has got to be a joke. This has got to be a press release, somebody making a joke.

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After refusing to tone it down, he was issued a 90-day ban from entering the country. He used the time to write a solo piece called The Angry Bellows. It's now taught in avant-garde accordion programs across Europe. That's bullshit. That's not true. There's no way that's true. the forgotten composer who made an album just for plants. No, I think there's a lot of people who've done this.

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But then I just started going down a rabbit hole on the internet of weird, wild musical stories. Like how people met or got together? How people met, crazy stories, people getting banned from countries for doing this or throwing things out hotel rooms. I went from the really popular stories we all know to the super niche stories that maybe some of us don't know.

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Oh, well, there's lots of people who do that. What do you mean, mushroom music?

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Oh. And then he makes music out of it, yeah. Yeah, I see a lot of people doing, like, stuff with water and music. You know, they're putting them in different shapes. I saw one where a guy blew a bubble out of a machine, like a soapy bubble, like you would with your kids, right? A bubble, just a bubble.

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But he managed to keep the bubble there in this machine, and then he attached speakers underneath the bubble machine and then played certain kinds of music. And you could see the music in 3D, putting light on the bubble in a certain way. I thought it was very beautiful, very interesting. The angrier it got, the sharper the visuals got. The softer it got, the more rounded and even they got.

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It was very interesting. Very interesting. 1985, composer Gloria Hightower released Botanic Suite No. 1, an album of gentle classical music designed to stimulate plant and penis growth. She claimed to have tested it on her orchids.

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I meant that.

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Designed to stimulate plant growth, she claimed to have tested it on her orchids and ferns, noting leafier results. The album included whispered affirmations like, you are strong and growing green.

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Layered under string arrangements. It flopped commercially. You don't say. You don't say.

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It became a hit in niche horticultural circles.

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What is a niche horticultural circle? I bet it's bigger than the audience in the commercial break. I'll bet you that. All right. And finally, Hall & Oates, the gunfight hero. That's so crazy.

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During a Battle of the Bands style event, local R&B and soul groups were regular fixtures at the venue, and this night was no different. But before they could even see each other's sets, a fight broke out between two rival gangs in the audience. One of them pulled out a gun and chaos erupted. Shots were fired, people screamed, and the crowd scattered.

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Hall and Oates, who had never met before, both bolted for the nearest exit, which happened to be the same elevator. As the doors closed, they found themselves alone, trying to catch their breath, and they started talking. They realized they were both students. They realized they both loved music. And that's how the duo was born. Oates later called it a moment of pure Philadelphia.

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So let's talk about a bunch of them. Yeah. But first, I wanted to update you on a story that we talked about last week, which was the Italian Bitcoin investor who was supposedly kidnapped for three weeks.

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Serendipity is the only word to say there. That's the only way.

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Meant to come together. I mean, really, they... If you were born after 1995, you may not be so familiar with the enormity of Hall & Oates.

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Yeah, yeah. Online, I see young bands covering their tunes in a million different ways. Sarah Smile, all of it. You can't go for that. All of those songs. being covered by Hall & Oates. They literally had a hit song every six months for like nine years in a row. They did. Yeah. And then like a number one hit.

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Yeah. They would come up with a new song and a new video, like I said, every three to six months. And Hall & Oates were the thing. And the thing was, the interesting thing is, is that Hall & Oates was... were like not the youngest spriest of people when MTV came along. They were in their mid-30s, late-30s, something like that.

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So they kind of bucked the trend of these 20-something hair bands and all that. I mean, there was Phil Collins and stuff like that, too, that were doing the videos.

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Awesome. Sledgehammer is one of the greatest songs ever.

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So good. Tears for Fears, all of those bands that were playing, you know, the early Madonna, Michael Jackson, Prince, all of those early MTV video kind of, I don't know, video valedictorians, if you will, the people who rose to the top because those videos were so intriguing that you just tuned in to watch it. It was like little mini movies. Yeah, that's exactly what they were.

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And directors like John Landis, who did the thriller for Michael Jackson. Yeah. would get involved. Steven Spielberg did some stuff for Michael Jackson. So many of these directors who were directing the music videos either were at the time or were going to become famous directors in their own right. They would make them movies. There was a plot. There was a beginning, a middle, and an end.

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Tortured, yes, in New York. And they arrested two other crypto bros who apparently... And one was a woman. There was a woman involved in this. But now the story gets curiouser and curiouser, as you imagine it would. Because being kidnapped for three weeks and being asked for your Bitcoin password and then only escaping when you agree to give the password,

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The story got resolved in the end most of the time. It was very interesting.

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art form back then and I'm sure that in a lot of corners it still is a very interesting art form because people still make music videos they just don't get consumed like they used to on one channel playing an endless loop of very popular music over and over again MTV was a tastemaker they need to bring it back they did they tried to remember they had that what was that channel I can't remember it for the life of me but I fucking loved it they had a channel that would play entire live shows

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But you go to, like, the super jazz heads. Like the, you know, hey, man. Hey, dude. You know, that crazy, yeah, like, what do they call that? Skedaddling. Skedaddling. Skat. Skat, that's right. Yeah. Yes. Skedaddling.

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Axis TV? Was it Axis TV?

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Yeah. So Axis, when it first came out, would just play music videos and live concert footage. That's what they would do. And it turned into a lot of other things now. But, man, I'm telling you what. I know that commercially it's not viable. And that's why MTV doesn't play videos anymore. Because people can... Google it and see it right then. They're not going to sit for 30 minutes and wait.

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And if you're not sitting for 30 minutes, you're not watching the commercials. And if you're not watching the commercials, you're not making money. On and on and on. I get it. I totally understand. But it was the greatest thing in the world.

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To run home from school and turn on MTV and see what was up with the music.

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Ricky Rackman. I was a little young for Ricky Rackman.

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Yo MTV raps, 120 minutes. I mean, all this stuff. It was the greatest. The greatest for like 10 years. And then all of a sudden it just went away. It went away in favor of Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant.

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Yes. And I stuck with you through 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom. And you know what? What did I get for it? More Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant. I got nothing.

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girls women now I guess that the son died the son died and she was like on season number one I 16 and like teen mom I watched but 16 and pregnant I would watch if it was on I no longer watch anything MTV because I'm just like I think I've aged out of anything that they're interested in showing me but even the teen mom has gotten kind of boring it's gotten meta like they know their stars and it's all about them you know their merch line and their next clothing and their energy drink and all that other shit so

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But, you know, it's always sad to see that a child has died. The kid was 16 or 17 years old, and they haven't said why. But I didn't recognize the mother, but it certainly was all over the news, as if she was a super, super star. But, you know, 16 and Pregnant was a show on MTV that showed 16-year-olds that were pregnant, and they would take them through, you know, finding some...

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Time in the early pregnancy through the delivery, and then they followed up with some of them. And it was revolutionary at the time because there were a lot of teen mothers.

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I did, and I always found it fascinating how these girls tried to navigate their life. I mean, it's hard enough to have a kid when you're in your late 30s, let alone having one when you're in your late teens. Fucking insane. Anyway, Hall & Oates met at a gunfight.

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Cool story, dude.

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Cool story. Why don't more people know that story?

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It's all blonde.

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Live from Hall's house or whatever it was.

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Yeah, Hall's barn. It was so good. And I don't know why they don't do it anymore. More MTV bullshit that couldn't sustain it.

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Like three weeks is a whole shitload of time to be tortured. Right. And yeah, he had some bruises on him, but he it didn't. To me, it appeared to be a little bit weird from the video of him running down the street in a robe, not looking super beat up that he was tortured for three weeks and then only agreed three weeks later to give up his Bitcoin.

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It was pre-pandemic, but it went on during the pandemic, and I think they had like five seasons of it. There's lots of musicians that played there, but I wish he would continue to, because he's a great musician. He is. And then you put him with all those other great studio musicians and another talented musician, and they mixed the music. It was so good. Oh, they had CeeLo Green one time.

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It was fantastic. Miley. What was that?

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The guy from the Eagles. Yeah.

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Glenn Frey was there. That was amazeballs. That was really good. Hootie from Hootie and the Blowfish.

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That's right, Darius Rucker. Anyway, it was a great show. It was. Live from Daryl's house. Go see if you can find it somewhere. I don't know. Maybe it still plays. Who knows? Maybe it's on VH1.

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Yeah, me too. I only watch two channels, really. TLC and my preferred news choice. And then I'll flip around to the other news channels just to see what's going on. But I can't even stomach five minutes of some of that. It's like way too to the left or way too to the right. I'm like, oh, my God. Honestly, it's the same story told completely differently.

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There's no such thing as facts anymore. Nothing. But anyway, that's a rant I don't want to get on. All right. 212-433-3TCB. 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. We take them all at that phone number. So send it in. We love talking to you. And apparently you love talking to us because that phone's busy. It's busy. Add the commercial break on Instagram. TCB podcast on TikTok.

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YouTube.com slash theycommercialbreak. for all the videos the same day they air here on the audio. You can also go to tcbpodcast.com. That's our website. And follow us on Twitch and Kik at TCB Podcast. We will be recording live on those two platforms soon. Pay attention to our Instagram for more information. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now.

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I love you.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, we will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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And then they let him go to go get his computer and he just ran out the front door.

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If you want millions of dollars worth of Bitcoin and you take the step of kidnapping and torturing somebody, you're not going to let him run out the front door. No. You're not going to let him go get his computer downstairs near the front door. But I don't know what happened. And no one does. We're all piecing the story together. It's the fog of war, so to speak, right now.

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It's only just happened a couple, like last week. But new information comes out every day about this. And there are a couple of news outlets, mainly TMZ, that's been following this story pretty closely. And so a couple of days ago, a video comes out. A video supposedly from the time when this guy was in this brownstone townhouse in Manhattan being tortured for three weeks. Yeah.

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The video shows him cooking up crack cocaine in an air fryer, laughing, joking, having a good time, but he's tied to a chair. What? His waist is tied to a rolling chair. Okay. All right. What? Some leads some validity to the story that he was kidnapped and tortured, leads some validity to the story that maybe it wasn't as tortured as he initially would have thought he'd been.

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Then other videos come out.

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He's tied to a rolling chair.

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Chair that can roll around. His hands are free, his legs are free, but his waist is tied up.

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A chair that can roll around. To an air fryer. Where is cooking crack cocaine? God. Wow. That's a new one for me. That really is. I've seen it done on a stove. I think one time there was a microwave involved. I knew a crackhead. I knew a crackhead. He would take cocaine and cook it up. He was a crackhead. That's just the way he preferred to ingest his cocaine.

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And he did it a couple different ways.

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Wow. There you go. I mean, technology advances, right? You got to find new ways. The kids are cooking their crack with the air fryer. Oh. It doesn't surprise me that the crypto cocaine scene has now turned to crack cocaine either because we say that's a street drug. But really, the people who buy crack cocaine, by and large, are like white dudes from suburbia America, right?

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That's been like a well-known fact for a long time. Okay. All right. So then I wake up this morning and I see yet another update. You ready for this? I want to read this from TMZ. Okay. Crypto torture kidnap case victim in wild sex party scenes around the time of alleged torture. Sex parties and X-rated pranks.

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Not exactly kidnapping and torture, but a new bombshell video and photos reveal the kind of wild Bacchanalian atmosphere during the bizarre crypto-kidnapping case that's landed John Waltz and William DuPlace in jail. TMZ obtained this footage showing their alleged victim, Italian businessman Michael Valentino, hanging out, grinning, and frequently shirtless

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with other partygoers inside the Manhattan townhouse Duplice and Waltz were renting. Cops say the duo abducted and tortured this guy, this Michael Valentino, from May 6th to May 23rd to get him to turn over a password to the Bitcoin wallet worth millions of dollars.

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Skedaddle out of here. Skedaddle out of here. Why don't we bring that word back? What happened to skedaddle? What a great word.

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The suspects allegedly beat, shocked, and pistol whipped Valentino, but the new images captured around May 11th or 12th show him mostly smiling, laughing, and engaging with several women. One picture captures him shirtless and smiling with a neck collar that's attached to a leash a woman is pulling, simulating an S&M sex scene. Two other women are sitting on a couch watching it all unfold.

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And there's another man on the couch. But his face is completely obscured. So we can't tell if it's DuPleasy or Waltz. And I think I'm saying his name right. I don't know. Perhaps the most shocking video shows Michael having sex with a woman in a bedroom when an unidentified man barrages in to press a pink sex toy against Valentino's ass.

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Other clips show Michael talking and cutting cocaine with baking soda and sleeping on a couch near two other people, one of whom has a large knife on his lap. There's also a video of Michael on his knees as a woman gently pulls on his leash. Another picture shows the Italian investor sitting in a wheelchair, sipping a drink and eating a sandwich while Blake Lively film plays in the background.

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Skedaddle. Next time I'm in a road rage incident, I'm going to be like, you skedaddle out of here.

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While none of the images show Michael in distress, that doesn't mean it didn't happen. That's true. And we're told this footage was all captured within a day or two period during the nearly three weeks he was supposedly held against his will.

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As we reported, Woltz and DiPlesi are being held without bail after prosecutors charged them with kidnapping, unlawful imprisonment, assault, and possession of a weapon. These images seem to call into question whether or for how long Valentino was held against his will. Indeed. Wow. If I'm going to be kidnapped and tortured, sounds like my kind of party.

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Sex, pink sex toys, cocaine and baking soda. I mean, movies, movies. On large screen projectors and a brownstone with a pool in the background and catered food. That's the most fucked up part about this.

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All blue.

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Is that like two weeks ago, I guess, maybe, like when this first came out, there were videos that people who had been to this house because supposedly it was the Crypto Bro party house for a while. Wow. That they would often have a private chef catering these big meals in this beautiful brownstone. And then it just like would devolve into a cocaine-induced haze for days and days on end.

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This was my basement with Bitcoin. That's what it was. It was my basement with Bitcoin. Unbelievable.

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My basement upgrade. That's right. My basement with money. My basement with enough money. This is a really insane story. And one I would like to follow to the very end.

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Now I'm wrapped in. Now you got me. I mean, you know, kidnapped and tortured. Oh, wow. That's intense. Kidnapped and tortured and you're cooking cocaine in a rolling chair in an air fryer. Wow. Now there's sex parties?

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Yeah, all right.

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It does. The onion peels back. Doesn't mean that he wasn't kidnapped, tortured, or forced to give his Bitcoin wallet away. Just muddies the water a little bit.

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Taken by somebody else. Okay. So this also calls into question. I think I understand maybe what's going on here. This guy goes to a party, right? Okay, supposedly Michael Valentino had Bitcoin stolen from him a year, year and a half ago.

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These two crypto bros then claim they know where it is and they know how to get it back. Just when you get to Manhattan, let us know and we'll all figure it out. So he takes a trip specifically to Manhattan to see these guys. This is the story he told to get his crypto back, to get his Bitcoin back, millions of dollars worth. I think that they invited him to come to a big fucking party.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

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And it devolved into this three-week sexual orgy full of cocaine exploration into a crack-induced haze. And at some point... Yes, psychosis. And Crypto Bro 1 and Crypto Bro 2 say, he got hacked before and the police didn't get involved. Let's do it again.

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We could use a couple million dollars. Let's force him to give us the Bitcoin. And just in a crack-induced craziness, these two... for a couple of hours started like threatening him and saying, you got to give us your Bitcoin wallet. I don't think it happened for three weeks. I think he was likely partying for three weeks.

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And then at the very end, and we've all been there after a long night, not torturing and kidnapping somebody, but we've been in that weird place where we just don't know which way is up or which way is down. And people start getting strange around you, right? If you don't know how to handle your shit, shit can go sideways real fucking quick. And I think that's what happened.

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And that's probably what's going to come out. They likely will be charged with something, you know, threats with a deadly weapon or something like that. But I think the kidnapping and the torture part, not so sure that's going to stick when you're having sex, cooking crack cocaine and making jokes while watching Blake Lively movies.

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Just doesn't sound like the kind of kidnapping I'm familiar with.

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No, indeed not. All right, let's talk about music. But first, a reaction video, if you will, Chrissy. I want to let you listen and see a song that is going around the internet right now. And it is extremely intense. And I love it. I am all about it. This song is called Doll People. And it's by Sofia Isella. Isella? Something like that. It's I-S-E-L-L-A. Isella. I guess that's how you say it.

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. The hangover from the endless day continues. It does.

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And she, as I think she opened for Taylor Swift once or twice, if I'm not mistaken. She's young. Her voice is haunting. I want to play this song for you and I want you to tell me what you think. And I'm going to show you the video too. All right, here we go.

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You may not even know this, but we had a little recording issue yesterday, so I had to put out a canned episode. Break glass in case of emergency, put out a canned episode of the commercial break, which was, you know, only two and a half months old, so it didn't sound dated or anything. Ha!

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okay it goes on from there i don't want to play too much of it it's her copyrighted music holy shit first of all whatever that is i'm into it whatever that is i'm into it second of all i hope my daughters hear this song i mean honestly i hope my daughters hear this song That is a crazy interpretation of the world around her, and I love it. I think it's great.

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I'm not going to try to be the guy who, you know, but I just think it's an intensely emotional and thrashing song. I love it.

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If those are available, you can now request that Google take all of that information down like automatically. All you have to do is submit a request to Google, which I did the other day. Let me Google how to do that. I'm now notably famous and I don't. I don't want the throngs of fans finding out where I live.

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All right, so we're back. Hey, guess what? What? Have you ever known a man to pee in a bottle next to his bed because he finds that it's too much to get to the bathroom? I have not. Have you, Christina, have you ever run into a man who does this?

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It's absolutely horrid. And I cannot believe that what I am reading. Are you ready for this? New York Post, trusted source of all information. Women are venting that men store water bottles beside their bed so that they can urinate in them instead of getting up to use the bathroom.

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This disgusting hack has become a viral conversation online where women are coming together and sharing stories about their partner who used the concept of as a lazy excuse to stay horizontal. Hannah confessed that she thought it was customary for men to urinate in bottles. I thought it was acceptable for him to piss in the bottle.

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You can't even be bothered to sit up to, I mean, to stand up and get next to your bed? This is the most fucking disgusting thing I've ever heard of in my entire life, and I want to talk to the boys out there. Guys, where did we learn this? Who picked this up on a road trip? When your dad says, I told you to go to the bathroom before we left. Okay.

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Pissing in a bottle is then and only then acceptable because your father is telling you, I'm not going to fucking stop the car and you better not piss yourself.

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Okay. In Atlanta, that happened. Yes. Okay. People were shitting on the side of the road. I saw it. I saw a trucker taking a dump on the side of the road. It was really, but at that point I understood. I felt empathy for the guy. Everybody was stuck. Yeah, what's he going to do? He's been eating bean burritos from QT all night long. He needs to get it out.

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But there is no acceptable version of I am not...

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I'm not motivated enough to walk 22 steps to the bathroom. It's probably not even that.

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I guess you turn to the side and then stick your dick in the bottle and then just pee. And then what? Put the cap on it for the rest of the night? So gross. What the fuck is going on in here? I can't even believe it. It is absolutely fantastically gross. And guys... Stop. Don't do that. This all started with Joe Rogan, I bet. I'll tell you why it started with Joe Rogan.

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Because he probably had some shithead on that said it was okay to drink your own piss. And now everybody thinks piss is just yet another liquid we can keep around. Piss should go down a toilet, on a tree, or in the backyard like every other good human being does. This is not an acceptable thing, guys. Get with it. Get up. Pull your morning boner together and go fucking pee in the toilet.

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No, Astrid would not be cool with that. First fan that shows up at the door, this show is over. So it's a threat and a promise because Astrid will not have it. So welcome to the new studio, Chrissy. It looks really good.

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And that's the other thing. You got a morning boner. That thing's sticking straight up. What are you doing? Putting the Gatorade bottle upside down and pissing in it?

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Absolutely. Totally agree, Chrissy. On this, we agree. And so I thought to myself, this cannot be a truth. Like there clearly is. This is not true. There are not got many guys that are pissing next. This is New York Post fiending for content like we do here at the commercial break.

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Yes, from them. Piggybacking off of yet another piece of content that we need. So I go, okay, I'm going to do a little research on this. And I didn't find one or three or 10. I found 30. 40 different posts where women were complaining about this or men were responding that, yes, I do this. It's acceptable. And I just am blown away.

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This is a generation, whoever these degenerates are that are pissing in bottles and leaving them next to the side of the bed until the morning. Do you clean them up in the morning or do you just collect them until the until the end of the week when the trash guy comes? This is an unacceptable.

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Well, you already used the bottle, I guess, you know. At least you're reusing it. In that sense, I guess you're recycling. I don't know. Maybe there is some good that comes with it.

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Listen, if it's yellow-leaded mellow, if it's brown, flush it down. That's what I got to say. That's right. I never, with two reasons. This is the only disgusting habit I think that I have regarding the bathroom, besides the actual bathroom, going to the bathroom part. I do not flush the toilet at night when I pee. I flush it in the morning because number one, I don't want to wake up the baby.

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They never wake up a sleeping baby. And number two, there's no need. If it's just yellow, let it mellow. Yeah, there's no number two. There's nothing to do. No number two.

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Yes, that's right. That's approved. I gotta say, guys, if you're one of these nudniks who are pissing in a bottle and leaving it on the side of the bed, it's amazing that a woman has even seen this. It's amazing that a woman has even been in your bedroom, let alone seen it and accepted it as a part of living with you. This is not a good look.

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There are a few things that you should just do, and one of them is actually going to the toilet when you have to fucking piss.

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Have you ever been so fucked up that you have pissed yourself?

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I have. I have. One time. One time. One time. I was very young. I was probably like 18 years old, 19 years old. We went to a friend's house. That friend lived with an older gentleman. The guy was probably in his 30s. And the guy hated my friend, hated this guy I was hanging out with because he was this young, obnoxious alcoholic who would just run around, bring people home late at night.

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I'll take credit for all of it. Okay. Even though it wasn't all me. It was mainly Astrid. But I'll take credit for it.

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And this guy had like a real job. He had like a nine to five job. He was really... And here's why I say this. I'm saying this not to point or poke fun, but I'm saying this just to point out for the story. This guy was morbidly obese. He was a really, really big guy. Very, very sweet man when I met him.

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But you could tell the look of disdain on his face when he saw this guy that I was hanging out with, this other guy named Brian that I was hanging out with. So two Brians causing trouble with this guy.

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Yes. And the guy, he did not have an easy time moving. So when he was in bed and then the couple of times we would go to his house at night, rather than get up and, you know, say, hey, it's time to go to sleep. He had a megaphone next to his bed and he would scream into the megaphone. He would scream, you know, shut up. Which, it was an apartment, so I never understood.

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We have a brand new neon sign. We've got a table. Table, chairs. We look more relaxed. You can now see my socks. You can see your shoes. My shoes. What are you wearing today? What do you got on there?

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Now you're just causing more. But anyway, that's what he would do. So one night we come in there and we're twinkle-toes-ing around because I'm like, I don't want to hear that megaphone. It freaks me out. And it's one of the only times before I was 21 years old that I was actually really inebriated on alcohol. And we go to sleep. I sleep on the couch.

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I wake up on the couch and it's just sopping wet. And I realize that I have peed myself, but I didn't pee myself like in the traditional sense. What I realized had happened because the couch cushions were kind of wet, but the under the couch cushions were really wet, right? And so what I did was I stuck my dick in between the couch cushions. And I pissed under that couch cushion. Oh, my God.

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I guess I thought that was something. A vagina? I don't know. I thought it was something. But that's the only time, the only time that I have ever peed outside of a toilet or a tree. Good job. And as a grown man, I've never found it. I've never even thought of pissing in a bottle so you don't have to get up and walk around. No. Christina, would you? Would you be with a man? Just stop right there.

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Would I be with a man? Would you be with a man?

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If you were with men at this time in your life, would you find any reason to stay with a guy if he was pissing in a bottle and leaving it on the side of the table?

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Look at you. How much are those? What do those run you? What do those cost you? They weren't that bad.

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yes that's disgusting it's all bad it's all bad and i and i'm just i'm pleading with the guys out there learn a little bit of manners it goes a long way manners and a little bit of chivalry i know not everyone loves chivalry but i still think it's i still think it's not a bad thing to hold the door and uh be polite and say please and thank you and all that stuff and for god's sakes

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Don't piss in your empty Diet Coke can. What the fuck are we doing? Jesus, Chrissy. If I could get a hold of these guys. It all starts with Rogan. That's what I have to say. It all starts with him. Remember those people that were drinking piss and bathing themselves in the piss?

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You don't?

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Oh, was that Tina that did that episode maybe because you were gone?

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I don't know. Anyway, you remember that? Yeah, that was horrible. There was a couple and they would drink and shower in their own urine because it was life-giving. Basically, they were crazy people who needed mental help. And they were like, he was like living with their brain. And they were two really attractive human beings. I'm talking like really attractive young human beings.

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And they were like staying with their parents for a period of time up in the Hamptons, of course, in the Hamptons, because that's where all the kooky shit happens. They were in the Hamptons and they were bathing in their own urine. They were like pouring it on themselves and drinking it every 15, 20 minutes. It was really highly disturbing.

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And I think that's where maybe we get the sense that pee is not that bad and we can keep it next to our bedside.

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$120.

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I don't think even if I was stranded on a boat, I don't think I'd go there. I think I'd just start drinking seawater or eating fish and hoping that the liquid from the fish... Yeah, I see myself as one of those guys who just reach down. If I was on a life raft, I could just reach down and grab a swordfish and just take a bite of it. I've had live octopus. You have had experience with that.

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Why not take a bite out of a swordfish?

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Brian falls off a cruise ship. Yeah. I just, I don't even grab it. I just stick my head in the water and come up with a swordfish on my mouth. Yeah. Yes. Well, I mean, you got to do something to survive out there. And without, you know, without the tools and resources, you just have to get smart. But I don't think drinking my own urine would be an option. I just don't.

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I have no desire to drink my own urine. But I say that, but I've never been stranded.

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There was the, I just read that there was a fishermen, like 30 of them that survived out in the ocean for like 38 days. I read that. In a dinghy or something like that. I don't know. I don't know what the whole story was. I read it about a week ago. But that to me is an ultimate nightmare. Yeah. I love the ocean. Love it.

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When it's connected to a beach where I can see clearly how I get back to land. Unless I'm on a huge cruise ship or a pretty solid boat, which I've been on a lot. I've been on the middle of the ocean a lot. But I don't care to think about being stuck out in the middle of the ocean.

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Space and the middle of the ocean. Those two places seem very scary to me. And I don't feel like there's a great reason to be out there. You know what I'm saying? So if I'm crossing, if I'm on my way on a huge cruise ship where it's unlikely something bad, terrible, tragic is going to happen, I feel comfortable. Except a sickness on board. Oh, my God. That's another thing. Well, yeah.

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I mean, there is a case of that Carnival... I just remember... I feel like there was a bunch of them that happened kind of in a row a while back. Yeah, Carnival Cruises is the Kmart of cruising. Do you know what I'm saying? If you look at Carnival Cruise videos, they're... It's...

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It's a certain price point and that leads to a certain crowd and it's a lot of fun and they encourage drinking and it's a party boat, basically. And it's for young couples and adults that like to really zhuzh it up. But I feel like carnival is where all the terrible things happen. Guys jump off the boat for TikTok. You know, they're doing TikTok videos.

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I know. There's that website where they resell the sneakers. What is that? Oozle, Boozle, Snoozle? I don't know.

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Yes, yes, yes. And a bunch of other stuff. But then Carnival has like a series of mishaps. They've not handled all that well. Like the time that they were leaving Cancun, the engine blew. There was a fire in the engine room and they got stranded out in the middle of the ocean being towed by essentially a tugboat.

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And it took them like eight days to get from where they were back to a port that could accept them. And because the engine had blown, they had to turn off all of the... necessary plumbing. Sure. A lot of the electricity. There was no Wi-Fi, no air conditioning. So you're in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico, the southern part of the Gulf of Mexico, and it is blazing hot. It's the summer.

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And then you've got no plumbing, no electricity, no Wi-Fi, no A.C., you've got food, but it's scarce. And now, the guy, and I saw a documentary about this, the captain comes on at some point right after the fire happened, where everybody thought they might actually have to jump off the ship. Luckily, they don't.

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But then the captain comes on and says, you're going to have to pee in the shower, and you're going to have to poo-poo in a bag, and then I want you to put it out in a trash can, out in the middle of the hallway, and we'll do our best to keep up with it. But of course... They don't have an incinerator because they've got no power. So they've got no power.

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They can't burn the poop like they normally do. Talk about a nightmare. That was a nightmare. And the documentary, because this happened just a couple of years ago, there's lots of footage of what was going on. And so people were taking blankets and pillows and sleeping outside. It was miserably hot. Everybody's sweating.

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A lot of people were eating barely enough to stay alive because they didn't want to shit.

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If you're making money on another podcast, I want in on that podcast. Which podcast is that, and do they need a host? Yeah, there's a whole trend where guys, girls, they go out, they buy these shoes. The limited edition stuff. The limited edition, and then they resell them on a website, which now I'm seeing commercials for. You know that Astrid and I went, I think it was in...

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Because you can't cook it.

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Right? I think they had gas stoves, but they, you know, they have food. Like, they have non-perishables that they can, you know, pass out. No one starved. Yeah. But they are not eating, not because there's not food on board. There was. And they could get like a, you know, I think that at one point there was like a cargo ship that came and brought some supplies and water or something like that.

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Imagine. Sorry.

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I'm walking up to the top of the ship and I'm saying, hey, Doc, Captain Doctor here, let's think about this reasonably. If you can get a cargo ship to bring us food, can't you get a cargo ship to take us off? Can we go somewhere else? Can you get another carnival cruise to just butt up next to us and we'll walk over and we'll get on that cruise and finish our drinking and gambling, please?

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But no, for some reason, Carnival makes the incredibly dumb decision to just leave everybody on board and go on this essentially hell journey for seven, eight days where shit's collecting in the middle of the hallways. Everybody's sleeping outside and they have no stabilizers. So the boat is literally at the mercy of the waves. Everybody's getting sick.

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It's no one, you know, everyone, no one has had a shower. So it's really becomes kind of this hellish landscape in this Carnival Cruise, which is otherwise supposed to be like, you know, the fucking Bonnaroo of cruises. Everyone's out there, you know, having fun and smelling like patchouli and drinking themselves silly.

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But no, Carnival says, no, wait, we can't afford to get you off the boat and back to safety. So what we're going to do is we're just going to let you shit in a can for the next seven days and tow you back to wherever it is we're towing you to.

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That is another place where I think it would be acceptable to go ahead and pee in that bottle. Because then you have to pee in the shower. Doesn't that get a little weird after a while? You have no running water. You're peeing in a shower.

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Yeah. Oh, God. The whole thing's... Maybe I'm not cruising anymore. I know. Maybe I just decided I'm not taking cruises anymore.

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The overwhelming majority decided they didn't want to cruise? Yeah. At all?

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And what were the reasonings why?

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Yeah. And if you're not back at five o'clock, they are leaving your house. There are so many videos out there. It's fun. It's a game. You can go Google it. There's so many videos of cruise ships leaving people because they didn't get back on time and they think they're special. They think they're the hero of the story and that they're going to be allowed back on the boat if they're at 502.

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It doesn't work that way. They are going regardless if you're there or not.

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Here's what I would say about cruising, having been on a number of them. I didn't think I would be a cruise person. And then I became a cruise person, but I didn't become a cruise person. We went on a Mediterranean cruise for 10 days. Incredible, lovely, but there was a lot of rushing back and forth. But we made the choice to stay out of the crowds.

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I want to say it was in Los Angeles and we were down on Rodeo Drive and we went to a store. Fancy. Very fancy. Rodeo Drive is really very fancy.

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We didn't go on like the tours and stuff like that. We made our own way. But that in and of itself presents its own challenges. But since we were in Europe and some places we had been, we felt like, okay, we can navigate this. But there is a clock and it is ticking. And it doesn't allow for a ton of time to do anything. You're there for like 10 hours, max 10 hours, and you got to get back.

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There's not a lot of time to go to Rome and see a bunch of stuff. Maybe you go to the Trevi Fountain, you'll come back, right? That's it.

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We had one couple that there was consternation because the couple was not found. They didn't come back and they weren't in communication. And I remember the captain coming back. But he let us know later that everything was fine. We're saying.

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I think that's what happened.

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I'm done. I didn't like cruising. But like their luggage was on board, but they were gone. It was something, some kind of event that happened on the cruise ship that was talked about. But I remember that it all turned out okay. I've never been on a cruise where like someone died or anything like that. No. But I will say this. Yeah. the cruise ship in and of itself has to be the thing.

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You, you don't go, you can go for the locations, but the locations are not going to be where you're spending the most. Yeah.

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I find that to be fascinating. I find it to be fascinating that you're floating on the empire state building essentially, or an entire city. And you can, we went on that oasis of the seas. I think it was at the time, the second largest cruise ship in the world. And they've built even bigger cruise ships since then. It, It is fascinating. I did not get to every corner of the ship.

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I was on it for 10 days. I didn't get to everything there was to see. Certainly didn't do everything. 17 restaurants.

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Huge mistake. And then we went to like the Cheesecake Factory. Honestly, we went to...

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Multiple pools, shows, aquatic center, a park in the middle of the boat. Not only do they have a huge atrium where there's like a shopping mall, but they have an actual park growing trees and flowers and manicured bushes. And then around it, there's like walking trails and then there's restaurants around it. It's like you're in a little like New York City village. It was really quite amazing.

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You have to go for that. You have to go for that because you're not going for the poo-poo in the middle of the hallway. That you're not going for, for sure. Anyway, we're here to talk about more pee and poop on your Friday afternoon. So let's do this. Let's take a break and then we'll get back with more shit talking literally. We'll be back.

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No, I think we went to Brio. You know that place, Brio?

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Oh, man, that's funny. The Brady-Feigls. Have you heard about the Brady-Feigls? I have not heard about the Brady-Feigls. All right, here's the story. I want you to imagine that you go to a doctor's office to go to get a treatment for a problem, okay? You're a professional athlete. You're playing semi-pro baseball. You're a pitcher and you've got to get Tommy John surgery.

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I like Brio. Did not see Kanye or Bianca and her nipples. Did not see that. Damn. Or her vagina. So we went to like a Brio, like a nice porch on Rodeo Drive. And it was beautiful.

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So you walk into this brand new doctor's office you've never seen before. You're going to get this surgery because you know this doctor has done it before. The surgeon's done it before and he's good. But this is your consultation appointment. You walk in and the nurses and the staff and the doctors all welcome you as if they've seen you before and swear up and down, we've seen you before.

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And your name is Brady Feigl. Your birth date is the same. You are the same person we have seen before. How have you not been here? And this Brady Feigl swears up and down, I have never been here. This is the first time I'm coming. But no, everybody insists, you have been here before. We have a picture of you. We have your name. You're the same person. What are you talking about?

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Is everything okay? Are you mentally unstable? Have you lost your fucking marbles? You're already being treated for this condition. No, I'm not. I've never been here before. What? It turns out that Brady Feigl, a very distinct-looking human being, has another doppelganger named Brady Feigl, who is a very distinct-looking human being. No way. And in fact— And same birthday. They look like twins.

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They are exactly the same human being, almost. There are little differences in their face that I can see. Can you see it, Christina? Yeah, you can. Here, I'll show you a picture of this. Were they in fact twins? They were not. They were separated at birth. They didn't know. Here is the weirdest thing. Of course, everybody says they must be twins. Yeah.

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They both play professional ball, semi-pro ball. They both are pitchers. They both had the exact same injury at the exact same time, went to the exact same doctor to get the exact same treatment, looking exactly the same with the same name. That's wild. They are both the same height. They are almost exactly alike. I mean, there are a little bit of difference.

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You can tell the difference, but not much. My twin brother looks less like me than these two look like each other. This is an amazing, amazing story that really fucking freaks my hairy tees out. It gives me goosebumps because... Are we in a simulation? And the simulation has glitched and it's made a doppelganger. It's made two of the same and it forgot that it made two of the same.

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Yeah, Brio was very good, and I found it to be pleasant on my wallet. So everything else on Rodeo Drive was crazy. Some places, there was like a place that said on the front door, reservations absolutely required, don't even ask. And I was like, that is like a really fucking shitty thing to say. Wow, I know.

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Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But we've all... I imagine we've all been somewhere at some point and someone has said... You look exactly like, you act exactly like, you talk exactly like a guy I knew in college, a friend I had somewhere, a lady I met at the bar. This has probably happened to every person on earth because there are doppelgangers out there.

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I think you just don't run into your doppelganger most of the time. I think you're not like... You're not running into the... This is like, I think the way in which this happened, and the fact that they have the same profession, they're the same height, and have the same name, and they are not related. There is no DNA connection to them whatsoever. Really? Which is what you would assume.

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The Brady-Feigls are connected by genes, but they are not, in fact, connected by genes. They are just two really similar people that, in fact... play the same sport, have the same imagery, are the same height. Have the same name. Have the same name. Jeez. Fuck the same girl. I don't know. I mean, at the end of the day.

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Well, I guess they must live around each other, right? Yeah, because they go to the same doctor. They went to the same doctor. Now, I guess it's not unusual that when you're in a semi-pro league that there's a surgeon that everyone goes to, they trust, they like, right? I mean, that probably happens in a lot of sports. Like, this guy's the best. You got to go to this guy or girl.

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But yes, at the same time, to have the same injury, to go in for the same treatment, and to find out this way, to have everybody look at you like you're fucking crazy, like, no, dude, you have clearly been here before, is really, really strange. And I would... I guess, posture, I would say that maybe we all have a doppelganger out there.

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Not the same name, not the same height, not the same, you know, width. Hold on one second. We're in the studio. This is all part of getting used to a new studio, too. You got it. There you go. You got it. This is all part of it. We're kind of stumbling around our words here because Christina's like on her hair on fire is running around the studio pressing buttons. It's like it's not working.

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It's not working. We have like now we have multiple camera angles. But here's the dumbest fucking thing in the world. Good job, Christina, by the way. It's these two. It's one and two, by the way, that go out. So you just press the shutter button. Here's the dumbest thing in the world. Look back to Brady Feigl's. Here's the dumbest thing in the fucking world.

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It is almost nearly impossible to find a camera with what's called a clean HDMI feed. That is good enough to use in a studio. Now, they make them very expensively, but to get an inexpensive one, one that's under $1,000, you can get like, we use Canon here in the studio. We use these Canons.

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So don't even think about it. We went to a store, and Astrid's like, I got to go to this store. It's all the rage. Everyone's talking about it on Instagram. So we go into this store, and it's all weathered clothing, used shoes, and everything has a hole in it, has dirt, has mud, and nothing, and I mean nothing, is less than $1,000. Wow. Wow. Nothing.

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And there are only a few that actually do the clean HDMI feed, meaning they don't have all of the information that's on the screen, like the exposure rate, you know, the lighting. Okay. So it's called the clean HDMI feed because it allows for a clean image without any writing on it. In Europe, there is a law that you cannot have a video camera and a camera be the same thing.

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So the camera companies to get around this law have installed a time limit on how much you can record with the video camera. I think it's like 42 minutes and 60 seconds, some bullshit random number that makes it not a video camera, but just a regular camera. I guess when you only take 30 minutes of video, that means it's not a video camera. I don't know.

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So in order to sell their cameras all around the world, the camera companies have to make their cameras shut off at a certain time. So in order to find cameras that don't shut off in a certain time limit is really difficult. And so we have these cameras in the studio. They shut off after a certain amount of time. They essentially go dark.

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And so that's why Christina has to run around and reset them. Well, this is the first time this has happened because this is the first time we're recording an episode in the studio. Very well done by Christina. I like to watch her run around. It makes me feel good when I'm writing that paycheck.

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Well, they're all European cameras. I guess we're all European at the end of the day. It's kind of like people. We're all European at the end of the day. So these Brady Feigls, this is really freaking me out.

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And would you want to meet your doppelganger?

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Yeah? You think? Yeah. You'd want to meet the person that looks exactly like you, talks exactly like you? It would be very strange, but why not?

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You know what? I think it would be a good idea to put a website together, like a Tinder for doppelgangers. Put an image. AI goes out there and finds similar-looking people, and then you just flip through it until you find one that's exactly like you, and then you connect with them. You say, hey, Doppelganger, like the Doppelganger website.

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I think this is a brilliant idea that someone's going to take, and they're going to make a billion dollars. Of course they are. I'm going to still be here doing the 58 days of TCB for fucking no reason.

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Oh, the Didi Cantor. Yeah, that one's gone. That idea's already gone. Someone took that one. That was us. Yeah. But you know what? I don't want to have to go to my family functions and be like, so what do you do? I make dick. I make dick wine distributors. I make dick-shaped wine canters. Yeah, exactly. Oh, do you? Oh, well, congratulations.

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I already feel embarrassed enough about the commercial break. But you know, I don't have to say I talk about dick-shaped decanters. I can tell if I talk about something else. I always make it sound much more lame than it actually is. I'm like, hey, it's just me and my friend and we're talking. We're talking about each other's lives.

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It's like you and your friend when you talk about the inside of an asshole. When you talk about the poop cruise. Right. When you and your friend.

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That's right. When you and your buddy get together and talk about all your sexual exploits live on air.

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yeah I think I don't know if I'd want to I was thinking about this I don't know if I'd want to meet my doppelganger I don't know if I'd want to connect with my doppel I think that'd be a little freaky if like there was someone that looked exactly like me and talked like me and had same mannerisms and stuff and they were sitting down but there was this one girl that I worked with at the steakhouse and she was from oh no no no too soon we can't do that one anymore sorry Diddy big baby oil

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And Astrid's like, it's all the rage to buy jeans from here, to buy these shoes. And I was like, these motherfuckers, these motherfuckers buy a parachute tennis shoes from Fibu or Emu or whatever that Japanese, Chinese website is. What is that Japanese website everyone's into? Timu. Is it Timu? Yes. Christina here in the studio with us. Yes.

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Censorship. That's what's going on. It's all big baby oil's fault. Big corporate baby oil. So this girl was from New Mexico. That's where she had grown up and she had moved, I don't know, a couple years earlier and she got this job. She was a waitress. And she swore up and down. And I mean, she didn't say it at least once a day.

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She swore up and down that I had a doppelganger that looked like me, spoke like me, had the same mannerisms as I did, was just as animated. She was like, I swear, this guy that I knew back in New Mexico, he was you. And, you know, you take that on faith. You take that for what it's worth. It's like, you know, it's with a grain of salt, essentially.

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They really do look exactly alike. I've had people tell me I look like – Jason Statham is what I get a lot, especially if I wear a certain type of clothing. People are like, oh, you look so much like Jason Statham. And I'm like, yeah, no. That guy is a man of action. I'm a man of inaction. That guy's motivated. I'm unmotivated. That guy has a career. I have a middling podcast that I'm...

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To make a living doing. I mean, besides the obvious discrepancies, body type with Jason Statham, I really don't think I look anything like Jason Statham. But some people claim that I do. There's a resemblance. What is the weirdest person that you've ever met? Like famous. Have you ever had someone come up to you and go, oh my God, you look exactly... Remember that girl on...

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On Love is Blind, who claimed that she looked like... Oh, right. What did she claim? She looked like Kim Kardashian? Megan Fox. Megan Fox. That's right. Yes. Do you remember that? Yes. Oh, of course. That was a big debate.

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You looking at Jason Statham? Yeah, clearly not, Brian.

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Yeah, besides the receding hairline, I think me and Jason don't have a lot in common. He's handsome. I miss that boat. I fell off the turnip truck. If you ever need somebody to come up to you and say, oh, you look like, and then you're like, I don't look like that person.

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I could see Ashley Judd a little bit.

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But I could see that. I could see that. I could see that. She's got a picture of Ashley Judd up on right now, and I think there are some similarities, like your cheekbones, your noses. Yeah, maybe your eyebrows, your hair certainly kind of looks like Ashley Judd's. Who did I get one time, and I was like, you're out of your fucking mind. Was that show My So-Called Life? Oh, yeah, yeah.

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Do you remember that? Of course.

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Yeah, Google that.

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No, the other guy. Okay. Jason.

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No, the guy who shows his penis in all those movies. You know what I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about? Jason, I can't remember his name. Was it My So-Called Life or was he in the other one? I can't remember.

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Hi, Christina. Hi.

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Penis showing. Oh, I'll find it and I'll tell you. Yeah, penis showing. He shows his penis and all that. Forgetting Sarah Marshall. He's in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

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Someone told me I look like Jason Segel. And I was like, Jason Segel? What are you talking about? Besides the obvious comparison of the two small dicks, I really...

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He's shown his dick in like three movies. Yes. And, you know, it's nothing to laugh at, but it's certainly nothing to show off either. But I always appreciated that Jason showed his dick in movies. He went for it. He went for it. He went full frontal. And I thought to myself... The first time you see it in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, you're like, wow, that's a real penis.

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Yeah. Thank you. Timu. Am I right about it? Timu?

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Like, there's no prosthesis about it. That is a real—because if there's a prosthesis, they would make it look much more impressive. Right. But then you think to yourself, okay, Jason did it, and now it's out there, and now there's some parity between the men and the women because Jason went full frontal despite his shortcomings.

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I think we got our first Timu package the other day. I saw it. It said from Timu. Anyway, so these motherfuckers are buying, you know, knockoff designer clothing on Timu. They're running out in the street in puddles and then they're bringing them back indoors, scuffing them up a little. And you're paying a thousand dollar markup to get used shoes and clothing with holes in it.

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Listen, watch any of those shows that, what's his name, puts together that, who's the guy who did the... Sam Levinson, is that what you're talking about? No, Sam Levinson. By the way, I love Sam Levinson. I think he has, they're hyper-sexualized shows. You don't like it? I don't like him. You don't like him. Okay, well, him, do you like his shows?

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I agree. I think they're hypersexualized, right? I don't think that's representative of how teenage... What are the shows?

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Euphoria. Oh, that guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's the best example of hypersexualized show. And I love Euphoria, but I think it is a... I didn't get into it. ...full-on fanciful drama. It is not an accurate representation of what happens as a teenager. Not everyone's...

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I always make it sound much more lame than it actually is. I'm like, yeah, it's just me and my friend and we're talking. We're talking about each other's lives. It's like you and your friend when you talk about, you know, the inside of an asshole. When you talk about the poop cruise. Right. You and your friend.

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beautiful and getting laid 24 hours a day and going to parties that clearly... I mean, if I went to one party like Sam Levinson makes people seem like they're partying, it would have been the best night of my life. I mean, it just would have been magical. But not every party happens like that. There's not, you know...

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dark ambient lighting and great music and everyone's beautiful dancing with each other and you get laid by snapping your fingers I mean it doesn't happen like that in high school it's embarrassing and clunky and weird and I just don't think he does a good job of like making it very accurate and Sam himself has you know some issues but anyway Zendaya is great in Euphoria by the way Zendaya is great I fell in love with her watching that show um

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So now we're in love.

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You saw me float off into Zendaya land?

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She did. But not Sam Levinson. I was talking about the guy who made the Aaron Hernandez story. Oh, Ryan Murphy. Ryan Murphy. Ryan Murphy is an equal opportunity nudist, nude shower, because there's a lot of dicks and men's asses in his story.

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shows and while it can be a little much for me like that's not what i per you know that's like i'm just a guy right that's not what i prefer to see i appreciate it i'm like okay well there you go for a long time it's been all tits and ass and now we got a little dick and balls let's bring it in i said hey bring in the ball about it there should be more penis in shows and so that's why the commercial break is now every episode is on youtube with brian no pants

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Pantsless. I'm going to do pantsless episodes of the commercial break.

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Gather around the tree, kids. Gather around the Christmas tree and watch Brian's penis shrink. It's cold outside. What can I say?

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You know, talking about weather is like the lowest form of conversation, but when it gets this cold this quick, everybody talks about the weather. Yeah, I went to the bank and she's like, oh, it's so cold outside. And I'm like, yeah, you're inside. What are you talking about? And then my kids refused to wear outer layers. They just refused to do it. Why do kids do that?

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I'm going to get Astrid to tell me what the name of this store was because I want to shout them out as a place to never go. It's fucking ridiculous. Yeah. So anyway, I like your shoes. That's good. Good for you with the Air Jordans. Again, I don't know how you're affording those. Jeff must be bringing in revenue. How is Jeff? How was the Thanksgiving holiday now that we're back?

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We're like, you need a jacket. I know. They hate it. They hate bundling up. And then they get outside and they're like, hold me, daddy.

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And I'm like, I told you two feet ago to fucking put on a jacket. And you refused because it didn't go with your outfit or whatever reasoning you have. God bless my daughters. Daughters, daughters, daughters. Daddies and their daughters. Lifelong trauma. Lifelong trauma for both parties, I might add. Lifelong trauma for both parties. All right. Well, 12 days of TCB right around the corner.

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Don't miss it. 12 brand new episodes and a commercial break for the Christmas season. You didn't ask for it, but we're giving it to you. Text us, 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. If you liked something that went on this year in 2024 and you'd like us to touch on it again, we just might do that because we're running out of content ideas.

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Hurry up and get to me. 212-433-3822. Text questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. We take them all voicemail or text message. now available on youtube.com slash the commercial break every episode of the commercial break moving forward on youtube camera angles provided by christina and her brand new toy over there don't break it it costs a lot of money

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So go to youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak or at thecommercialbreak. You can put that into the – you can put at thecommercialbreak into the search bar. Up will come. Please subscribe, like, comment on your favorite video. At thecommercialbreak also on Instagram. Please go ahead and follow us. I'll say it for the 50,000th time. Please put us out of our misery and give us a follow.

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TCB Podcast on TikTok and tcbpodcast.com. It's the website. All the audio, all the video. Okay. Christina, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. Well, I love you. I'll say best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I do say, we will say, and we must say, goodbye.

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Now that we're not pretending to be back from Thanksgiving anymore.

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You guys are such hipsters down there. You're such homemade pie. First of all, there's five of us. That's just the way I like it. That's what she said. Second of all, they're homemade pies. That's what she said. You are so hipster. You are new and fresh and living ITP, getting everything created and made for you. It's probably very delicious. I will say, I'm not sick.

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I am not on the toilet right now. We're not taking time off. I haven't lost any weight. I've gained it. So I consider that a W all around. Absolutely. The food was delicious. Listen, there was... There was a turkey. There was no turkey. Oh, you were going to do a turkey. Somebody was going to do a turkey and I guess... Abort!

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So we had a ham leg. Okay. We had two ham legs, actually. One was like the sliced ham that you would get at a place, but they cooked it. And I would say that that one probably fell short of expectations. So then my dad had like a backup ham leg that had a bone in it. It was like, you know, he backed up the food with additional food.

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And thank God he did, because then he said, come over here and get this ham. And I did. I just ate a little bit of it, just enough to taste it and make sure that it was pleasant.

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Yeah, sure. No, I did a good job. Everybody did a good job cooking. I have no complaints about the food this year. Mac and cheese, stuffing, potatoes, au grat, and rolls, the kind that you like to eat, the homemade, yeasty, put a pound on every time you eat one kind of rolls. Yeah. I love it.

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What are Sister Schubert's?

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No. I've never met a Sister Schubert in my entire life.

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They're like what, dinner rolls?

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That's right. When you and your buddy get together and talk about all your sexual exploits live on air.

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Are they really?

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My aunt, my dad's sister, Babs, Barbara, we call her Babs. Babs from Chicago. She used to run the, there's a famous grocery store chain up there named Jewel. And so Jewel Osco, I think is what it's called now, Jewel Osco. And she used to run the bakery in Chicago for Jewel. And Jewel is like based in Chicago. So it's the, or maybe the, and maybe now they're in Ohio. I'm not sure.

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I think they're owned by Kroger now, but Jewel had this huge bakery and the bakery would run like 24 hours a day, creating all of the breads and the muffins and the morning cakes and the coffee cakes and the, and the rolls. And, And so, first of all, my aunt always smelled like bread, which was delicious to me. Oh, my God. I love the smell. I wanted to eat my aunt sometimes.

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I didn't say eat out my aunt. Everyone settle down. I said eat my aunt. I wanted to eat her. I wanted to take a bite of her. You know how that goes. Sometimes people smell so good, you want to eat them. Like babies, babies' little toes. You want to eat them. Yeah, I know. Or the cheeks. Yeah, but don't do that in public. People think it's weird when you start biting your kids' toes in public.

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Give me those little nubs. So we would go to work sometimes with Babs, Aunt Babs. And Aunt Babs, she had this big office. But in the office, you could see right out this glass window all of these dinner rolls that were just freshly baked coming down the little conveyor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could run over there and take one.

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This was the time when the, you know, food quality was different back then. If no one was dying or if you didn't get a rat in your food, then, you know, it was acceptable. So you would just go and just grab a roll off the conveyor belt.

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We had them at every dinner. Every dinner, Babs would bring over those jewel rolls, a coffee cake for dessert. It was delicious. I loved it. And so it's hard for me to replicate that exact taste of those jewel rolls. But I'm going to try Sister Schubert's because it sounds like a thing that could be like the jewel rolls.

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So, okay, well, good. I'm glad you had a good Thanksgiving. Guess who else is having a good Thanksgiving? Hunter Biden is having a good Thanksgiving. I just thought I'd mention this as we're recording this. And it just happened. So it's coming out on Friday. As we're recording this, Hunter Biden has now been broadly, broadly pardoned by his father, Mr. President Joe Biden.

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for all criminal activity in a certain period of time, which is the power of the president. That's one of the king-like powers that survives constitutionally for our president. You can pardon him. And of course, we all, some of us, up in arms when President Trump started handing out pardons like candy, and I'm sure he'll do it again because now Pandora's box is officially opened.

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Here's my personal opinion on this. You can't yell and scream that the house is on fire when you're the one that lit the match, right? And so I get it. Joe Biden is, or Hunter Biden is a target.

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But yeah, I agree. But he did that for the good of the country because the country really was very divided. And it's not now. No, it's not. We're united. Yeah, I feel good driving on the streets. I feel like it's so much more pleasant these days than it was even just four years ago. It's so much more pleasant. People are not trying to murder me with their car at every turn.

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And by the way, red lights have now just become suggestions here in Atlanta. You have to be fucking careful. This is insane. Same as stop signs. Where are the police officers to pull somebody over and make an example out of somebody? Everyone is ignoring red lights in Atlanta. And I'm sure this is going on nationwide. And I know in Atlanta, anger driving, driving pissed off is a sport. I do it.

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But I got to be honest, like, it's really dangerous. People are not paying attention to red lights or they are ignoring them altogether. It's like when the light turns red. It used to be when the light turns yellow, that means go faster. It used to be when the light turns yellow, that means four more cars. But by the time the light turned red, used to be, most people had stopped on the line.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us on this Friday edition of the commercial break from our brand new studio.

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Not anymore. Light turns red, it's six additional cars. Go. You have to really pay attention getting out there in the middle of an intersection because people... I don't know. I guess we've just all lost our sense of law. I have no idea. But this goes back to like Hunter Biden and Joe Biden.

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I think this is a big mistake on Joe Biden's behalf because you can't claim to be the good guys living up to the standards of this and that and the other thing. And then when nobody's looking and everybody's looking, by the way, just go ahead and pardon your son for criminal activity. I know Hunter is a big target of the right and there's conspiracy theories left and right about the laptop.

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the laptop, the laptop, which is, you know, I don't know. But I think this is not a great move on Joe Biden's behalf. But I also understand where Joe's coming from. It's his son. He's lost children before.

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Yeah, he's like, fuck it. He's like, fuck it. He's also 98 years old. So he's like, I'm going to live two more years. What do I care? I don't want my son to have to, you know, carry this weight on his back forever and ever. But I just think it's not a I just don't think it's a great look. But if I was president, I'd probably like it. Yeah. A little crack. Some hookers, $500 million from Ukraine.

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Here somewhere north of Atlanta, Georgia. You figure it out. And I've given you all the clues. All you have to do is piece the puzzle together. Or Google my name on one of those shitty websites. You can now request Google take off your personal information from the search engines. Did you know that? Like all identifying information, phone numbers, addresses, social security numbers.

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I mean, what are we talking about here? What's a little crack amongst friends? I don't know. Exactly. But, you know, just to, like, I don't want to cast dispersions, as I used to buy cocaine out of a kid's margarita cup and chilies. But, you know. I gotta get some cocaine! Driving me crazy! Driving me crazy! Good job, Christina. Good job, Christina. That's Christina on the buttons.

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That was hard. Christina's like, I've been waiting all show to use that one button. But, you know, Hunter did have a bad addiction problem. I think that led to a lot of poor choices. I don't know how much criminality went on. And, you know, when you're a famous person and you are on the wrong side of the IRS, you're going to be made an example of. That's just the truth.

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They can't go after everybody. So they go after the famous people so that everybody else is scared to fuck with the IRS. And, you know, so I get it. But at the same time, you know, what's good for the goose, Chrissy, has got to be good for the gander. If that is, in fact, what we're calling it, a gander. Isn't it? Is it a flock or a gander?

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Did we ever figure that out? It's a flock of geese? Yes. Christina says it's a flock of geese. I think we should trust what Christina says because she seems like someone that might know information that we otherwise just guess on. This has been a show of Brian's musings and a complete... misinformation. Yes. And now we might be fact-checked here and there. I think I like it.

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A gander? Okay, so what's good for the goose?

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All right. Thank you. We finally know. What's good for the goose? A female goose, right? Okay. It's good for the gander. The male goose. The male goose.

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There you go. All right. Well, listen, we have lots more exciting stuff to talk about here on today's episode. I'll figure it out on the break. Yeah.

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Yeah, this is our first foray into the new studio, new setup. It's weird not to have a table to put my hands on. It's weird not to be pressing buttons. I don't know what to do with my hands. So if I start grabbing my crotch at any point, Chrissy, remind me that's impolite at the dinner table. I will let you know. Thank you. And the jewel rolls. I will not be putting my hands on my jewel rolls.

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Okay, let's take a break. And yeah, we'll be back.

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But you can't sit still for 15 seconds and just say goodbye to those people. Seems really rude. You don't have to love everybody on stage. You don't have to love what they're about. You don't have to love their politics. You don't have to love who they love. You don't have to do any of that. All you have to do is just stand there and say goodbye. But you make a show of it.

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Are you kidding me? It's an honor. And I know that people like some people may argue that like Saturday Night Live is a bastion of liberal thinking and they're always beating up on conservative ideas. They're beating up on everybody. That's what they do. And yes, do they tend to lean liberal? Yes. A lot of people in Hollywood creative types do. They just have empathy for other human beings.

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So that's how they lean. But if it's good enough that you can get yourself in front of 15, 16, 25 million people, then it's good enough to sit with the 15 other artists and creators who are helping you get that message out, get your music out. It's good enough that you can stand there and be respectful for a second. Now, I'm not sure.

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I don't think anybody's yet found out whether Morgan even understood he was supposed to stand there. But that seems like would seem like a convenient excuse since he's been there before. He's done this another time. So I would say nay to Morgan. First of all, don't invite him back. Second of all, Morgan, just be nice. That's all you got to do is be nice and respectful.

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We don't all have to agree on politics or anything. But can't we stand, you know, can us as artists or creators just stand there and celebrate each other? I mean, whatever. Anyway, who cares? Fucking Morgan Wayland. There's a girl on my Instagram. I think I mentioned this the other day. There's a girl on my Instagram. She got catfished. I don't know how I found this girl.

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I don't know why I'm following her. I'm following a bunch of people that I don't know because I found one of the reels funny or interesting. And then I just followed him so I could follow up on it, maybe for the show or whatever. She got catfished by someone claiming to be Morgan Whalen's assistant, mother, brother, sister. She had this whole situation go down.

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And those people stole tens of thousands of dollars from her, like from her credit card. They asked to send money. She kept sending it on her whatever it was, credit card or Chase credit card or whatever.

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She kept sending them money through PayPal and Venmo and all this because they kept telling her that Morgan was going to invite her to wherever he lives and that they were going to have a date and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Listen, I think you got to be pretty thick to believe that any famous person would reach out via social media, ask you for money, and then invite you on a date.

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Do you know what I'm saying? And I don't think Morgan, with his $28 million private jet where he's going to God's country, needs any help with... I don't think he needs tens of thousands of dollars from anybody. But... Let's make the assumption that the story was at all believable in the first place. Wouldn't you do a little checking?

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OK, so this whole thing goes down. And while this whole thing is going down, she's getting very she's like one of these people who posts constantly, almost as if the screen is a friend and she's update or a boyfriend or a husband or a wife or whatever. And she's updating them constantly on what's going on. Hey, here's what I had for breakfast. Here's me brushing my teeth.

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Here's what I'm doing for my dance routine. I almost got a job. I applied for this. I did that. All of it. kind of like stream of consciousness a little weird. And I noticed there are a lot of people out there who are doing this. Three, four, five reels in an hour. And they're just like, it's as if they're talking to somebody in the room and who they're talking to is social media.

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If you're going to put yourself out there like that, you're likely going to have people that are not going to be nice about what you're saying. I've never said a word to this person, by the way. I'm not that person. I don't jump in on the comments, but I like to read the comments. I just don't jump in on them. So this whole thing is going down.

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She has this imaginary relationship going on with Morgan in her head, and she keeps talking about it, blah, blah, blah. Turns out he's not real. They're not real. And after some months and some trying to get her money back from the credit card company and all this, it's just gone. It's lost. The police are like, what do you want us to do?

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They never get prosecuted. Never. Unless there's like a firm trail of evidence. Those people are in, you know, Timbuk fucking 2. They're never going to get prosecuted for anything. It's likely they barely know how to, you know, they barely have a grocery store around them, let alone a police department that gives a shit. So... All this goes on. She's... Lots of tears, lots of upsetness.

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She goes on a local... Not a local, but an internet television show that's much like Catfish. It's actually called Online Catfish. But it's not the actual... It's not Neve. It's like two other people. I don't know if it's connected or not connected, but it seems to be pretty popular. Okay. And they do...

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catfish stories so she gets picked to do one of these stories and the guy on the program the girl in the program are kind of level-headed and they're like didn't you have any indication that this might not be morgan whalen when morgan whalen is like he's talking you know he's talking to you on this on his mom's instagram account But he's actually playing a sold out show in Los Angeles.

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Like, doesn't it seem like, didn't you put two and two together that he might not be able to talk to you while he's doing a sold out show? And sometimes she seems to get it. And other times she's like, well, he could have been backstage. And it's like, no, come on, lady. I mean, you know, honestly, sad. All this goes down. Show comes out. She's very upset about how she was portrayed.

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But then here's the kicker. Over the last couple of weeks, she has started to talk to the camera about how she believes that she is owed, at least owed, a conversation with Morgan, like an invitation to meet with him and have a conversation since somebody else used his name to screw her over. And she thinks that if...

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If I just had a chance, if I just could meet him, then he would see what a beautiful relationship we can have. This is scary stalker type shit. Now, I don't think she's like a dangerous. She doesn't seem to be a dangerous or violent person. Seems to be very sweet, actually.

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What she's showing is right. Exactly. She doesn't show us cooking the rabbits in rabbit stew. You know what I'm saying? But I just keep thinking to myself, I'm watching someone turn in real life. I'm watching someone turn a corner in real life. They have gone from I had a really bad situation to almost full-blown delusional. Yeah. Listen, I would love it if Dua Lipa would show up at my house.

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She could ask me for any amount of money. I wouldn't be able to give it to her, but she could ask. I'd try. Maybe I'd rob a bank or something for Dua. But if Dua came to my house and asked me for something and said, we could have a beautiful relationship, I'd say, Astrid, what do you think about polyamory? Yeah. No, not for you? Well, take care of the kids and tell them I love them. I'm kidding.

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I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I take the kids with me. Okay, so Dua Lipa is never going to reach out to Brian Greene or Chrissy Hoadley or my wife. Never. Why? Because those people have lives that have their own friends and their own family members. And they are very busy and they know better. It's like it's like rule number one of fame, an agent somewhere.

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We've had agents that have told us this and we don't and no one knows who the fuck the commercial break is. Be careful about interactions. Be careful about interactions because people you don't know who's on the other end of them. And people can interact and react in all kind of ways. But in my head, I just know that's never going to happen. Like, Dua Lipa doesn't give a shit about Brian Greene.

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Never will. Never has. Never will. And with good reason. I'm an idiot. But this poor girl, she just doesn't seem to get it through her head. And I'm starting to believe that I'm watching her turn in real life.

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A little delusional, like a therapist needs to intervene immediately. But second of all, it's really hard to date out there. When you're hoping that Morgan Whelan is going to show up at your front door, it must be really difficult to be a single person in 2025.

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I wish we'd go back to the good old days, Chrissy. Like the 80s or 90s. When it was, you know, when literally Pooh Tang was... Yeah, I mean, I wasn't dating in the 80s. What? Was I dating? Like when you're in second grade and you get a crush, is that a date? Like when you go to the all skate with somebody at the skating party? Is it like the movies or something?

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Yeah, couple skate, hold hands, stuff like that.

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I don't know. Okay. Okay. In the 90s and 2000s, life just seemed a little easier. It seemed hard back then, but now I realize just how easy it was. You literally walk into a bar and pussy be falling from the sky. No doubt. Not really. But that's what mystery thinks. Anyway, in the 90s and 2000s, life was easier. And that's why, Chrissy, I want to take us back to a simpler time this episode.

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And I want to catch up. With Blind Date UK.

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But first, do you have a good story for us so we can end this segment on a little bit of positivity?

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I'm sorry. They said after they've eaten fire. And I'm like, what? People are out there eating fire? Yeah. This is sounding like good news to me. Okay. All right.

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Good for her. I got to be honest with you. I have liked Paris Hilton since day one. I have liked her since day one, since that stupid fucking whatever, you know, that show.

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Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton. I was into it from day one.

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The Simple Life. I was into it from day one. And I've always liked Paris Hilton. And I don't know why. And I was with her one time at a bar. Oh, that's right. I was with her at a podcast conference one time. I watched her spin. And I got to be honest, it wasn't bad. And she really seemed to be into it.

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And even though she was with kind of like a bunch of like old, fat, you know, weird podcasters, she... Gave us a party. She threw a party.

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Yes. Like I hope to go through again. Yes.

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I hope they go through it again.

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Those things are terrible.

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I had friends that went to those. Yeah. Yeah, I like Paris. I've always liked someone who's in on the joke. I think it's I think that we were talking with Tim Baltz. Go back and listen to Tim Baltz's episode, Righteous Gemstones Shrink. I'll put some links in the show notes so you can go see it. But we had a great talk with him and we were talking with him and he was talking about Chris.

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Who's the guy, Chris? Shh. Now I can't remember his name. But he was like this weird kind of stand-up comic, but kind of Andy Kaufman-ish. He had his own show for a while. Anyway, I always liked when someone had a persona, but they seemed to be in on the joke. When she was like, that's hot, and everyone was freaking out because they felt she was dumbing down society.

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I think she was just... Her and Nicole were just in on the joke. They just got it. They got the zeitgeist. They were the zeitgeist. They were. And... When the zeitgeist ended, she smartly went away, and she came back the real Paris Hilton, and that's enjoyable, too. So I liked both versions of her, and good for her, helping out those ladies. There's your nice news. Yeah. I mean, but $25,000.

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Can't we put a little bit more in the tank? I mean, your dad owns Hilton. I mean, come on. Let's go. Your grandpa was Conrad. Come on. Let's go. All right. Let's take a break, and when we get back, Chrissy, we're going to do some Blind Date UK. It's been a while, and I look forward to hearing what Celia Black has to say for us. Okay. We'll be back.

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Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large.

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And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules.

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They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything. You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Serea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. All right. And we're back.

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Listen, I said I was going to do Celia Black Blind Date UK, but we actually got into it a little bit and figured out that we could not understand a fucking word that was being said. No, the accents were so thick. The accents were way thick. So we're going to bail on that and I'm going to change it up a little bit. I still have 90s dating show material. I've got lots of it.

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I think we should do, as a good backup plan here, I think we should do... Remember the show Studs?

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Studs. This is a... I haven't thought about that show. I know. We're talking like mid to late 90s, grunge era, new rock. Think Kid Rock, Limp Bizkit.

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And there was a show where they would take two or three men, two or three women. They would put them on couches. They would send them on dates and then they would get their opinions of what happened afterwards on a couch. And what you win. I don't know who fucking knows who fucking cares. That's not the point of the thing. There's a host. He prods it along. And basically, here's how it goes.

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The people who went on the date, as they go on the dates with each other, they write things down, their impressions of what's going on and what's happening. And then the host will read these options out. Who said this? And then they give them three options. So I'm just telling you how it's going to go here. Obviously, the producers highly edit and can these responses. No one is this quick-witted.

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But you'll get it. It's a fun thing. Bordering on sexual assault type of show. The 1990s were wild. When you look back on it, it's like, where were we? What were we? What was anyone thinking? How do we get away with this shit? And why do we get away with this shit? So let's let's take a look at studs here.

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Ooh. Ooh.

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No, this was on, like, UPN or The CW. I think it was, like, in that syndication. Back in the 90s, they started to do this syndication model. Television channels would pop up, and what they would do is they would buy...

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mainly syndicated television shows, shows that were made that no network really wanted, but they would buy them on the cheap, syndicate them, and then the syndicated show would take a cut of the revenue. So channels like CW, UPN, WB, all these channels popped up out of nowhere, and they had very little original content.

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But they were syndicating like, you know, Judge Judy, Studs, all these dumb shows that no one else wanted. And they would put them on during the daytime or late at night. Studs was one of those shows. It floated around, depended on where he lived, because it was the local markets that would buy the show.

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No knock on the porn stars. No knock on porn stars.

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Yeah, they would travel around like regionally. They had like these regional competitions. I remember that good old days. Do you remember good old days here in Atlanta and Roswell Road? Anybody who remembers, anybody who's lived in Atlanta for any period of time might remember good old days. First bar I went to. First bar I went to. Thank you.

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Thank you.

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Thank you.

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Thank you. Thank you.

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Thank you.

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We'll give you $100, get a motel room, fuck each other, and come back and tell us all about it.

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But only in innuendos.

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Is that lingo that I'm not understanding? I did the streets of San Diego.

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That's an interesting dance move I haven't heard about before. Let me stuff random socks down your pants.

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Someone's tie. First of all, where did you get the tie? Who's giving you a tie?

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Second of all, you put it down his pants. Third of all, did you give the tie back is what I want to know.

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Yeah, like anybody has said any of these things you're talking about today.

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But have you noticed that brooch keeps moving all over her shirt?

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That's disgusting. My OCD just kicked in.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

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Yeah, they give you a trinket with hair from Ben Stiller. I don't know what's going on.

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She had a pirate shirt on? Like, argh, that kind of pirate? Or what are we talking about here?

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What? Oh, a little sexual assault to end the date, huh, Milt? Milt Jr. III, or whatever is Milt Jr. III. Ha! I'm a land developer. Even the host knows he went too far.

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I don't even know. He's quick-witted in a weird way.

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That's right. By the way, do we just skip over the assault part of the night? I mean, don't we have to follow up on that? Why are you grabbing her breasts like that?

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And best to you out there in the podcast universe. I'm terribly sad today because I just learned that Val Kilmer died.

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I knew it. It was the other guy. Oh, Ty. Ty's losing on all fronts. Look at Ty in the couch. He just looks like he's lost.

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I said from the tips of acrylic. Well, we know what he said because there's only two choices, you dum-dum.

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She said soft batch cookies.

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Oh, yeah, good. Let's get down to the good parts.

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Oh, okay.

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Val Kilmer. If you're younger than 30 years old, you probably don't even know who Val Kilmer is unless you're a movie buff. And then you will know Val Kilmer because he was in some of the most wonderful movies ever made, quite frankly. I mean, a few of them, right? So he was in Top Gun. Tombstone. Tombstone.

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Wow, it's the whiz-bang 90s, kids.

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Get after it. Get on it. Hey, listen, two consenting adults can have a good time, right, Chrissy? Of course. I don't oppose. I don't object, Your Honor. Nice hotel room?

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We know what he said. It's the only choice left. Geez, you don't have to repeat the dumb line four times. Hey, do me a favor. We're not saying my boner lines enough.

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Okay, yeah, we got it. You just repeated the line again.

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The way she holds you? What are you, two? The way she holds you. She haunts me. I don't know. It's just funny to hear that coming out of that man's mouth.

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Even she's like creepy.

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Okay. Let's take a break. And then when we come back, we'll, this is a very interesting time capsule here, Chrissy. I really am enjoying this. Okay. We'll be back.

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All right, we're back reviewing the early 90s daytime television dating show, Studs. Because why not? Name it Studs. Get another boner joke in there.

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He was a Batman, a one-hit wonder Batman, but I think he played a good Batman.

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I hold them. I hold them like a baby. She said, I put their hand in a place where... Let's hear that again.

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So you don't mind making the first... Wow, she seems really jittery, doesn't she? She does.

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I liked Val Kilmer as Batman. True Romance. True Romance. That's correct. He was in, was he in Weird Science? Not Weird Science. He was in one of those teenage movies. He like made his debut in one of those 80s teenage movies.

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Yeah, that brooch is gone. It went right down her shirt.

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Chance of a lifetime? I'm sorry, young lady. I'm sure you have lots of chances of a lifetime. You're a pretty good-looking girl. I don't think many guys turn you down.

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Wow.

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I think that's what goes on here. Yes. I think the premise of the show is we'll give you $100, get a motel room, fuck each other, and come back and tell us all about it.

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But only in innuendos.

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Is that lingo that I'm not understanding? I did the streets of San Diego.

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Whoa. Yeah, because we were doing blow all night long. I'm sure of it.

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Oh, Jesus Christ. I have mercy. What is going on? Oh, my God. I can't believe this didn't get censored.

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But for me, like when people say that, what's that movie that won all the awards about the trans woman? Oh. It's so forgettable at this point. It's so forgettable. The musical with the trans, you know, drug dealer or whatever.

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show no it's oh no i missed out on that one or the poor metal guy just keeps getting i know why are we not asking a follow-up question about dr pepper being poured on you i mean come on host whatever your name is ambiguous host from the 90s dating shows that he looks kind of familiar oh he's been oh he was like a host of a bunch of these type of shows she wiped out the gun and chewed my face instead really yeah where were you we were in my car and we were gonna kiss and

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Is he going to sing a man a lullaby? Sing a man a lullaby. The writing on this show is horrific. Of course we do. Judging by the reaction in the crowd, Studs was pretty popular. He was.

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Yeah, it's iron her underpants because when you're high on cocaine, you do a lot of that stuff.

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I wish they had a sound effect, like that Boeing sound effect, so I could play it.

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Oh, her. For sure.

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Probably me.

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Everybody said, or some people said, that movie changed my life. And we were all like, really? That movie changed your life? Oh, no. Never mind. It was Anora. Anora. They were like, that movie changed my life. I was like, really? It was a life-changing movie? The Doors, for me, was a life-changing movie.

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Sherry. By the way, who's talking in the background? There's like a bunch of conversation going on in the background. Is there another television show being filmed in the same room?

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There you go, Sherry. The whole show you're doing like boner innuendos and sexual conversation. And I get the most milquetoast questions I've ever heard.

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Sure.

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The queen of what? All shit-a-vays? I don't know. Who cares, honestly? Look at that crowd. Wow, that's a snop shout of 1991 if I've ever seen one. Hey, how are you?

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What was that? It was a lion noise because the sound effects back then didn't work all that well.

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A lion noise.

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Melty! Oh, look at Melty with that long, silky hair. Thank you.

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It's Milton Jr. 4th the 3rd or something. I don't know.

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Costa Rica? You want to go to Costa Rica?

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Wow. One date and you're already off to Costa Rica?

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I actually have a hard time distinguishing between the real Jim Morrison and Val Kilmer's version.

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Aww.

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But wait, I thought you guys ended the date in the morning. Doing the streets. Doing the streets of San Diego. I mean, what more could you ask for? He also squeezed your breasts together like a roll of Play-Doh. I don't know. Something about the cookies.

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Oh, it's a Ty. Well, no, one big Milton. Oh, Ty, yeah. Oh, I thought Ty was certainly going to be the loser here, but okay.

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Because he embodied... Jim Morrison so incredibly, accurately, and ethereally. It was like Jim Morrison came down and just took over Val Kilmer. He looked like him. He danced like him. He sang like him. He acted like him. And even though there's not a ton of offstage footage of Jim Morrison, like documentary footage of Jim Morrison, if you watch any...

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Ty is the silent strong type.

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They just pay for you to go somewhere. By the way, I love this show now. I want an all-expense-paid trip to all of Europe.

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All right, they're going to Costa Rica.

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I didn't know neither was going to be a choice. All right, maybe we'll do another Wild Woman Week. You never know. That was good. I like that. All right. I didn't know what to expect there, but I ended up going, I should have watched more of this as a child. This is completely mindless television that I would have enjoyed. Oh, wow. Studs, now available everywhere you get YouTube.

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Well, that was the style back then. Your jacket went below your butt. Now your pants don't even go all the way down to your socks. That's the style. I mean, but it'll come back. Everything always does. It'll come back. Guys will be wearing, you know, jackets down to their knees again, like some ska band. I'll figure it out. Oh, that was fun. I like that.

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I'm glad we made that switch last minute because we would not have understood anything. I'll get back to Celia Black. I'll find an episode where we can actually hear it. The thing is, is that if you can't understand it by just listening, then it defeats the purpose of doing a podcast.

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All right. Just a quick reminder that on May 31st, Chrissy and I will be doing Chrissy and I will be recording and publishing 12 episodes of the commercial break and what we're calling the 12 hours of TCB celebrating five years of the commercial break as a podcast and mental health awareness month for May. So tune in. Mark your calendars.

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Looks like we're going to be doing a live recording that day. Also, we'll broadcast it on Twitch and possibly YouTube. Also, April 16th, 17th, and 18th, I would like you to call into the commercial break while we are recording. We will answer the phone call. You will get to choose what you talk about. Anything, everything, whatever.

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We'll stay on the phone as long as we can digest your conversation. As long as we like you, we'll stay on the phone. It's a little bit. I'm calling. Call TCB. So I'll remind you about that, but 212-433-3822, 212-433-3TCB.

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Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas at thecommercialbreak on Instagram and youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak for all the episodes the same day they air here on the audio. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now.

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Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast audience. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say,

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Real footage of the real Jim Morrison, and then you watch The Doors, you cannot tell the difference. It is really hard to do that. And that movie is so incredible. And I know that it's Oliver Stone, and Oliver takes a lot of creative liberties.

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But as an 11, 12, 13-year-old boy or whatever it was, when that movie came out, I went and saw it in the movie theaters with some of my friends. Like, my parents would have never let me see that movie. But someone's parents took us to the movie theater. We snuck in to see the door. The guy sold us the tickets. We went and saw the doors. And I just remember being in that movie theater, captivated.

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I said, that's what I want to do. I want to do that for a living. I'd always loved music, but then that just solidified it for me. And who could have guessed it that just a few short years later, I would be falling off stage in a drunken... Stupor at an empty bar in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, to nobody. Doing my best Val Kilmer doing Jim Morrison impression. It was unbelievable.

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I will always be in love with Val Kilmer for playing that role. He also did... Didn't he do a drug addict in a movie? Wasn't he in... Was it Rush? No, Rush was the other guy.

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He was amazing. Amazeballs, amazeballs, amazeballs.

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Yeah, I'll be your Huckleberry. That's a good one. when he met in the movie when Jim Morrison meets Andy Warhol. And Andy Warhol says, everybody will have their 15 minutes of fame. So true. He was so accurate about that. He knew it. He saw it coming. And now, look at us all. We all have podcasts and Instagram channels, and we're all getting our 15 minutes of fame. Fame and fame.

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Being famous is not such an elusive thing anymore. Quite frankly, it's really easy to do. All you need is a social media account and either a really rock-hard body or the ability to say and do dumb, stupid shit like we do here at the commercial break. But anyway, he says, I got this phone. The guy playing Andy Warhol, who's also a fantastic actor, by the way, he says, I got this phone.

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And God called. But when he called, I didn't have anything to say to him. And I just like the way that Val acts in that scene is so mesmerizing that I don't know any other way to put it. He it's one of the best moments on screen ever, ever. That in the one scene where they're doing acid in the desert, because I've also done acid in the desert.

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And it was very accurate depiction of what it's like to do acid in the desert. You're scared, you're lonely, and you're certainly going to die. There you go. There it is. Val Kilmer, gone. Way too young.

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But they had to use AI for his voice.

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Yeah, that's what they said. I saw his last video. He put out a social media video maybe like two or three days ago. Two or three days ago. And he donned a Batman mask. But his voice was not Val Kilmer's voice.

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And it was like critically acclaimed, wasn't it?

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He died of pneumonia? Yeah. Geez, that's what takes you. That's the random shit that takes you when you get our age. When you get into your late 30s, that's what takes you is pneumonia or hip break or something like that. You just can't recover. Your body just doesn't do it. Oh, Val, gone too soon. And he went to Juilliard, too, which I did not know until I read the articles.

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Oh, really?

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Really? I didn't know that. There you go. You learn something new every day. Anyway, RIP Val Kilmer. I'll pour one out for you. You will always be one of my favorites for if for anything. I mean, there's so many other great roles you had, too. But if for anything, you literally sucking up the ghost of Jim Morrison and allowing it to be on screen. And if you haven't seen the movie The Doors.

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Get a glass of wine or your favorite, call your favorite D, get him to bring over a bag of your favorite, you know, Laffy Taffy or Speedball or whatever it is you choose to do. Be safe out there, kids. Do it at home. Don't drink and drive. Don't drug and drive. But watch that movie in some state of intoxication or meditation and tell me that it's not just an amazing movie start to finish.

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It really is. Anyway, that's the sad news today. But, you know, there's lots of other good stuff that's happening in the world, Chrissy. Yeah. I haven't read about any of it.

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I haven't read about any of it, but, you know, I'm sure.

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Okay, give us a nice news newsletter. Pick one out. Pick an article out. Because, you know, I'm only going to talk trashy shit. And I'm sorry, that's just...

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The thing is that because I love my Instagram and my news feeds and I've kind of honed them into this very specific version of the algorithm, the problem is it's not always the most positive version of the algorithm because it's not always what I'm looking for. It's not that I'm a negative person. I'm trying to find humor in all of this. I really have decided that this is all becoming very...

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is tragically hilarious. Like the world around us is becoming tragically hilarious.

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And I think that I'm just going to laugh at it because there's nothing else to do. I have no purchase in what goes on in the larger scene. All I can do is control the things that are directly around me and maybe make some other people laugh in the meantime. So I think that I've just decided this is all for like, I think Was it George Carlin that said this? This is all for my entertainment.

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The world is for my entertainment. And I'm just choosing to laugh at it, observe it and laugh at it.

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Does sound like something he would say. So if it's something that I'm saying that I'm brilliant, if it was something that he said, then at least I've quoted him. I think George Carlin said that. And that's all really that we can do. I mean, there are other things that we can do, of course, too, but not a middling podcaster. What am I supposed to do, Chrissy?

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Speaking of middling podcaster, while you figure out which story you want to tell us.

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Middling podcaster Morgan Whalen is getting Morgan Wallen. Morgan Whalen. How do you say his name? I don't know. Don't care. Really, quite frankly, don't care. Morgan is not my flavor of music. I'm just not a huge country music fan. I think there are some great country songs. There are some great country artists. Morgan's not my flavor. Now, that's not to knock his music.

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I just don't really get into it. Okay, fine. Whatever. But did you see where he walked off Saturday Night Live? Yes. Without saying, like, doing the traditional goodbyes to everybody in the cast? Why? Why do that?

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First of all, must be really nice to have a $26 million Learjet waiting to take you to God's country. How tone deaf is that? I guarantee 99.999% of your fans probably will never sit in a private plane. Most of us may never even sit in first class again, let alone a private plane. And then to tweet that I got to get back to God's country as if something is wrong.

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You know, it's like it's just it's divisive. It doesn't make any sense. And walking off directly in front of the camera where you knew that was going to be out on live television in front of millions of people just seemed rude to me. Like Saturday Night Live. And I want to say this about Morgan Whelan. Whalen. Whalen. Whalen. Whalen. Whalen. Whalen. Whalen. Whalen. Whalen. Whalen. Whalen. Whalen.

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Whalen. Whalen. He was supposed to be on Saturday Night Live. When that all blew up, he was supposed to be on Saturday Night Live that week. Saturday Night Live obviously made the decision that it's too hot to trot right now. Lorne Michaels said, yeah, I'm sorry, kid. You can't come on. Not now. The kitchen is too hot. You got to get out.

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But six months later, they invited him back and they said, OK, here's your shot. You know, here's your shot at redemption after he went on the apology tour. And I'm really sorry. And that's not who I am and all that other stuff. They just like empty words that come out of every person's mouth when they get in trouble. But they get caught being themselves.

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And all of a sudden they have some different story or excuse as to why it happened. Welcome to 2025. Well, Saturday Night Live had him on six months, seven months later. So they invite him back for a second time. And it's not like... So you decide to go do the show, but it's not... Where you want to be. It's not where you want to be. Why do the show at all?

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You're doing the show so that you can get attention. Because that's what people who are... That's what mainstream artists do. They have to go... Feed the machine. And you went and fed the machine. And the people at Saturday Night Live and NBC and all the other people who are involved in that decision gave you the platform to do that.

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Yes, I agree.

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Or it attributes to, you know, lubrication down there. We talked about this, right? There's a lot of different issues that can kind of come into play that makes sex awkward, uncomfortable or just generally undesirable.

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And one of the things that generally makes sex undesirable is me and the equation.

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So now we know the number. This was recorded about a year ago, though. So he's now 60. He's almost 60. He's going to have to do over 60. He's going to have to change. He's going to have to wipe all 2,000 subscribers out and go right back to the drawing board. Well, guess I can't do that anymore. Now he's going to have to change his equation for women.

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If you weren't with us on earlier versions, you can go back and listen to the old Frankie episodes. But Frankie has a whole math equation about what's an appropriate age to date. It really, at the end of the day, we couldn't actually figure out what the math equation was. We just know that.

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It's like I was driving 70 miles per hour, Spain officer. He's like, it's kilometers, son.

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I take an immense amount of narcotics.

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I take steroids. I take Viagra by the handful.

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Yeah. My dick is ready to go.

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Oh, yeah, yeah.

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I'm telling you, I have been to parties where people are passing these around. Like in my 20s and 30s, I went to parties where people were like.

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Oh, my God. That was the craziest story. But I mean, I've told that many times before. But I actually knew a guy who took Viagra recreationally when he did not need it. And he was high on cocaine. And we had to drop him off at the hospital in like a drive-by shooting. We were just like, ah! Get out. See you later. Look at his cock.

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An episode you'll never hear. Funny story on the way to this episode. Chrissy and I, we record live on Fireside. And actually, probably a couple episodes that you've heard have been live on Fireside. Whether you know it or not, we've been on Fireside.

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I'm doing reps right now. You just can't see it. One, two, one, two, one, two. Do those kegels.

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That slows you down. It will. Age only slows you down when you get old. That's all I got to say, okay?

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Exactly, Frankie. Where are you going with this? How did we end up here? What are we talking about? I thought you were going to fix my dick. What are we talking about?

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Me too. Yeah. The one thing that I think most guys are on top of is the haircut. Maybe during the pandemic things got a little shaggy. But I think we're bringing it back together nicely.

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That's right. And what are we talking about now, Frankie?

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It's always the same thing. We always go back to the same thing.

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Yeah, my hair is beautiful, my body's awesome, and my dick is hard. He just ends up talking about himself for an hour.

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Your choices in YouTube videos get worse.

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And Jeff's like, my dick don't work.

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And so what Chrissy and I did was we recorded an episode that we were lovingly referring to as Bill Murray's voicemail because I got Bill Murray's voicemail phone number and I was going to ask people if they wanted to leave Bill a message. Well, we were plagued with technical issues and it just didn't come out strong out of the gate.

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Meanwhile, you're in a crosswalk in downtown Denver and people are like, wait, I'm trying to get my dick to work. It's all in my mind. Jeff's like, I got to figure shit out up here to make it work down here. I'm like, who are you?

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I'm trying to get a stiffy. Where did you come from? I thought I was having sex with my wife. Honey, these edibles are great. We have an audience. I think a bus just hit you. This is crazy.

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Where's Frankie B when we need him?

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Some girl is like, who are you? A couple wakes up out of the bed. They're like, what are you doing here? Oh, I'm sorry. I thought someone called for confidence. No. You better get a haircut, buddy. You're looking a little pudgy. Hey, sweetie, call me if you ever need a rock hard cock at 59. I'm not worried about it one bit. Haven't thought about it one bit.

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Although I still call myself 58 and a half. I don't even measure my, like, I'm even past measuring in years. I'm just like, I'm 40-something. Whatever. Who cares?

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We need you to clock in, clock out, spread your old seed all over some woman. That's what she wants. That's what she's got to get.

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That's right. It's 2021 and women are still looking for you to clock in and clock out. Spread that seed, buddy. Get in there. Get out of there. Get the job done. Get out of there, man. You're in there too long. By the way, I'm going to share this with all of my friends here at the commercial break.

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And so I decided that I'm... If you want to listen to it, go to Fireside.

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If you are going to sleep with a woman, regardless if it's your first time or not, if the mood is there, if we're amorous enough that we're in the bedroom or somewhere... Or the bedroom is somewhere else. You know what I mean? If you're there, there. She's not worried about what your belly looks like or what your hair looks like. No. She's ready. Neither should you be. Right.

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She's ready and you should be also. Forget all that shit. Enjoy the moment. Put yourself right there in that moment. Be passionate. Be in the now. Get it together. Do a little teen-er.

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You can listen to the disaster.

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Listen, be present for the, I want you to be present for the entirety of that 30 seconds. I want you to be there.

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Present 30 seconds. So gentlemen, the first thing I want to talk about, I feel this. Wait, first thing. Did I rewind the video? First thing. Okay. Oh, This already feels like a long video, Frankie. I thought that was all five you just talked about.

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So we reviewed some voicemails that I found online, and there is a guy, and he has the best laugh I have ever heard on anyone. It's like a cartoon laugh.

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Before I get into the first one, let me tell you about minus zero A. Exhibit A. Exhibit B.

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I'm going to briefly touch on a couple of seven other additional points. This is bonus material.

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Frankie needs someone to really make these videos much more concise because he just gave the same advice he's given in every single video, which is pay attention to your body. Eat right. Be confident. Don't worry about how old you are. But he never tells you how to do that. He never gets to the point of like what the actual action is that you need to take.

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He just tells you you need to be a stuffy and a fat, ugly slob with bad hair.

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Don't be complacent. Shake it up. Bring a couple extra women into the bedroom. Yeah, you've been in that marriage, what, 70, 80, 90 years? 20, 30, 40 years. What are these people, 90? 20, 30, 40 years. If I'm married to Astrid 40 years, I'm 112.

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What does this have to... Excuse me, Frankie?

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Excuse me, Frankie? Frankie? Yeah, it's me in the corner over here. What does this have to do with my dick? Can you talk about my dick a little bit?

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Loved it. So if you hear that laugh, that's what we're referring to. I don't want you to be out of the loop because, of course, we never played that episode anywhere. So yet another episode lost in space. 61 or 62, I stumble upon something that will become folklore in the- It's gold, Brian.

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can we talk frankie can we talk or the editor of this video or whoever is helping frankie with these videos he just talked about this for six of the first 12 minutes he just said these exact same things and now he's illustrating them again with just a different he's actually being very specific he's like if you're in sales if you're in sales for general motors in the detroit office

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And you look fat and ugly and you walk into the office with your limp dick every day saying, well, you know, I'm the heavy hitter sales guy around here. First of all, what are you talking about, Frankie?

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Excuse me, Frankie, you're talking about sex or working out. I'm just wondering.

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Without testosterone, your balls aren't going to shrink and you aren't going to get horrible acne all over your chest. Have you seen that TikTok video of the roid rage guy? No. Okay, ready? I'm going to share this with you real quick because I think this is funny and I think it's an interesting... It's simpatico with it. Huge guy. I mean, like, huge. Like, neck is, like, out to here.

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Just, like, muscles like this. And he's got this tiny little voice and he's like, some people think that taking steroids means that you have roid rage. And in the background, some girl walks in the door. He's filming this in his kitchen. Yeah. And he's like... Get the fuck out of the kitchen! You're ruining my video! But it's totally not planned. Like, it's not scripted.

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She walks in and he goes off on her like crazy. And then he comes back to the camera and he's like, like I was saying, some people think that you have roid rage. It's true. It's true. We need to find time to work out.

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I'm going to give you two hours of playtime in the morning, two hours of playtime at night. I'm going to give you one hour of nap time. Then you can have snacks. And if you're good, then you can have some dessert. It sounds like what I talk about all day long. Trolls, happy meal. Trolls, happy meal. Trolls, world tour.

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In the history of the commercial break. The guy's name is Frank Bernardo, and he is an expert in all things fitness, fashion, fun, grooming, framing- Tic Tacs. Typography, geography, history, Tic Tacs, Tic Tocs. Tiaras. YouTube, tiaras. Fake boobs, real boobs. Greasy hair, oily hair.

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I am telling you right now, Frankie, I do not have an extra hour to build a better body. This is as good as it's going to get right now.

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There's nothing like sexual stammer to get you through. What is that, a new venereal disease? Sexual stammer. Sexual stammer is running rampant through our senior communities. The villages. Yeah, the villages. How's Papa Joe doing? Well, he's got a bad case of stammer.

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Oh, that damn stammer gets you every time. I was fucking her, but then my stammer went out. I got a bad case of the stammer.

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So we need to get you. Oysters. We're going to say this. Eating to make you sick will do nothing for your prick. You know what I'm saying? If you put it down your throat, it's not going to float your bone. I don't know what I'm trying to say here, guys. I get no respect. If you eat too many treats, you won't be able to beat your meats, okay? You know what I'm saying?

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Now, if you want to get up your stammer, let me tell you something. Ah, you know, this is how you get up your stammer. You eat 12 pounds of oysters, four milligrams of anabolic steroids.

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A whole glass of milk, pomegranates, and cocaine. You'll have the stammer to keep on going. I call it the stammer dammer bing bong diet.

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Wright has an ancient Chinese secret. Telling you what. Passed down from Bernardo to Bernardo. From limp dick to limp dick. All the Bernardos have had this problem. 22 years old, you can pretty much count on it.

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It's like a water house with a spigot turned off. You get cheated on 12 or 13 times by your wife with different guys, nonetheless. And your dick ain't going to be able to work. I'm telling you. But you know what's going to get you back in shape?

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Number one. Come in. Ancient Chinese secret. Here it is. Ancient Bernardo secret. You ready for this? Confidence. Comb your hair.

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Get a cut. Get your fashion right. Make sure you have a big engine under the hood. Yep. Cocaine.

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If you do those things in that order, you're going to be good to go.

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So, gentlemen, number four, this is big, too.

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It's big, like my dick. They're all big. They're all big. Everything's big. Everything I say is important.

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Erectile dysfunction. He is an expert in anything over 50. If you're over 50, he's your guy. He knows all about it. He's that guy that you go to the bar and you have a couple drinks and he never shuts up. Actually, he's the guy. That smashes into the bar. Yeah, that you smashes into the bar. He's the guy that you go to the bar and you're looking to have a drink and then he just pops up next to you.

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Wow. If you've been going to the barber year after year and he's been doing a good job, you know what you need to do? Walk in, punch him in the face, hit him in the potatoes and say, you know what? Fuck you, man. You're the reason I'm not getting laid. Frank Bernardo told me to do this. My length dicks because of you. My flaccid penis directly has to do with your haircutting abilities.

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Frank Bernardo says hello. Yeah. And then they just push Frank in on a car and he smashes through the window. Look at my body! Sorry about the client, guy.

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But it's good for video sales.

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I'm almost monetizing on YouTube. 20 more subscribers and I'm going to be making bug bucks. Everything's big in my world.

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Am I stuck in a rut or stuck in a cut? Not sure.

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You know Ryan Gosling? He would do a man bun if he could. He just doesn't have the hair. How do I know? Because I beat up his stylist for him. I said, you've been doing Ryan's hair way too long. Look at that poor dick. It doesn't even work anymore.

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My body is a wonderland. All goes back to the body. It all goes back to Frank's body.

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You're going to exhume confidence. I just want you to know that. Your stam is going to be up and you're going to exhume confidence. You're going to literally get up out of the grass. You're going to bring in a backhoe and get that confidence. Yes, I'm here to exhume confidence. Yeah, we buried it at plot number 33. Right next to your stammer.

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Hey, my name's Frank Bernardo. How are you? You want to hear about some fashion tips?

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Number five, sword fighting. This is the way we practice. Gotta keep it up. I want you to go to your new barber and say, excuse me, can you trim my tree trunk right here if you don't mind? And then can we do a little sword fighting? You know how the porn guys make their dicks look big? They shave it down close.

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It's ancient Bernardo's secret. I'm telling you what.

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B98.5. Grooming tips from the 60s, 70s, and today. It sounds like a fucking radio commercial. It does. Dick stiffening help from the 70s, 80s, and today.

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Yeah. Your dick stiffening tips for your working day.

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Yes, he has a band.

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I know. B98.5. And here's a hit from the 70s. Shave your balls for maximum dick legs. I'm Mr. Green. The dentist is ready for you now. Dr. Oswald will see you now. Oh, just one more minute. I wanted to catch this dick grooming tip. I love this station. What is it? Oh, it's D98.5. D. It's D98.5. Dick grooming hits from the 70s, 80s, and today. All your stammer in one place.

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Probably a boombox. Playing his theme song 24 hours a day so he can come out of water in a pool and look real sexy and cool in slow motion.

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Here's one of your favorites from Frank Bernardo. It's called Confidence.

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I don't even think New Balance makes new gym shoes in white.

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I don't even know. Poor Frank.

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You're going to stiffen your dick. Don't even worry about it. You're going to get that tent back, boys. You're going to proudly walk through the mall with your dick hard as a rock. Wow. Brian got his dick back.

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Or he's getting a new tattoo.

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Did you lose some weight? Cut your hair? I don't know. Something's different about you. Maybe it's your raging heart. That's right. I exhumed my confidence and got my stammer back. And now won't go down. Can you help take me to the hospital? Can you mind driving me off to the hospital? I think I'm having an emergency. Wow, you are looking kind of blue.

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That's because all of the blood is now rushed out of my head and into my cock. Thanks, Frankie B. No problem. Make sure you smash that subscribe button.

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We have a discount program at the hospital. You need to get that deflated. You're going to be different. That's the name of the game with everything here. I just see it now. There's thousands of people that subscribe to this channel and they take his advice and it's just like thousands of emergency room visits for hard dicks. As soon as you listen to this advice.

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So we found Frank, and we reviewed three of his... Online episodes, right? They're about 10 to 15 minutes long a piece. We reviewed three. And then Chrissy was sick one day and I had to quickly put together an episode. So what I decided to do is I threw together some clips from those three episodes and called it a best of show because we had to take a break because Chrissy wasn't feeling well.

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Get your haircut. Work out your body.

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I'm like fired. You're fucking fired.

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It's you. You're the problem. There's like violence all over the place again. The third barbershop murder in a week here in Atlanta, Georgia, as men are blaming their... flaccid cocks on their barbers. Let's go live to Jim down on the scene. It's another disastrous scene down here as the man walked in apparently and said, you're the problem for my floppy cock.

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Shot the barber twice in the head and left. This is all coming back to a man named Frank Bernardo online. I make apologies for nothing. There's a problem in this country and it's old barbers. I have a feeling maybe a barber is someone who slept with his ex-wife.

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Different lifestyle.

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I just can't tell you here. Call me. So gentlemen, if you incorporate everything that I just talked about. If you incorporate. What is he talking about? That's three big mistakes on words. It's stammer, exhuming confidence, and corporate. If you incorporate all of this stuff, you'll be in a different tax bracket. Talk to your attorney about that. I'm no tax professional.

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Complacent. Don't be complacent. Get your stamina up. Exhume your confidence. Remember to incorporate everything.

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He keeps on saying it.

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Or both. When you're with your wife, when you're with your girlfriend, preferably not at the same time. Or, hey, I don't know, 2021. Maybe everyone's just exhuming.

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Just exhibit your exumption. That's all I got to say. You can exhibit your exumption in the way that you want to. Get on that stamina right now.

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right when you have a clear mind body and soul and all you gotta do is perform you're gonna be a rock star so take it sounds simple get right on that when you have a perfect mind body and soul when you've reached karma like the buddha did your dick's gonna be rock hard nothing you can't conquer i don't know how to get that way but yeah

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Well, we got murdered by about four yahoos, right? That just probably have never listened to the show ever. And they were like, these guys do the same fucking thing over and over and over again. We have done Frankie three times.

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You are literally going to radiate. It's going to radiate. It's probably because you've been zooming some shit down the street.

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Yeah, hey, listen. Works for me.

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With what? I don't know. I don't know what I learned from that video. I didn't learn a fucking thing. That's what makes Frankie B so great. You see, there's a lot of platitudes. Frankie just has a big videos with a lot of platitudes and he talks in circles. And you end up learning nothing.

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If I was a guy with an ED problem.

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Yeah, you learned about exhuming. And stammer.

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And in corporate. And corporate everything you learned here. In corporate, we trust.

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Radiate. That's all I got to say. 99 episodes in. And we ended on a high note with Frankie B. Hey, listen here. Welcome to the commercial break! Look at my podcast!

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I'm normally polite, but if somebody irritates me, I'll just simply turn around and tell them to fuck off.

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So many people love Frankie B. Including us. We love Frankie B. We affectionately refer to Frankie B as Frankie. Frankie B. Yeah. I mean, he's got a name. We gave him a name. It's not what he calls himself. His name is Frank Bernardo. We call him Frankie B. Yes. And Frank is our friend, even though we have never talked to him. He's our friend.

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Yeah. I don't know. He's kind of gone away. Like, he hasn't posted too much stuff lately. Maybe it takes a long time.

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His tips worked.

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He's got a girlfriend. Or he's in jail. One of the two.

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Yeah. Or he's just talking somebody's ear off.

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But I tell you what, my friends, I have been sitting on this now for about 37 episodes. That's about four or five months. I've been sitting on this particular one, and I think it's time that we just do it. 99 episodes in, we're doing our 100th episode. Let's get one more Frankie B in under the gun before we turn 100 episodes in.

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Am I ready?

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Are you ready? I've been ready for weeks to do this one. I've been ready for months. I would have done this one right after the best of Frankie B if we had a choice.

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But I waited because of four yahoos out there who told us that we were shitheads and just kept doing the same thing over and over again. Fuck you. Here's Frankie B. Ready? Guess what Frankie's talking about today? Erectile dysfunction.

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Oh, yeah, it's the weekend. I'm going to fix your broken dick now. I'm going to get you hard. I'm going to fluff you up. Yeah. How can you not feel excited after that song? That's so cheap.

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Let's not even talk about Pearl Jam when we're talking about Frankie B. How dare you? You can't do that, Chrissy. It's against the rules. What's going on, everybody? It scared me, actually. What's going on, everybody? And welcome you to my grooming fitness fashion. You know, I say this.

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People are like... I'm sure there are people that do not listen to us on Monday morning because they're like, fuck that, man. Those guys just scream in my ear the entire time.

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That ED problem is passed down from Bernardo to Bernardo. An ancient Chinese secret. An ancient Chinese secret. Call it the cure of the flaccid floppy. You got a floppy disk? Don't worry. I'm Frank Bernardo, and I'm here to stiffen you up. How do you think I got my hair like this? Same product. Same product. Just rub a bunch of this industrial strength hair gel on it.

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It's going to be hard as a rock for days. It's going to cause a nasty yeast infection.

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It's soon to be 36. It's, you know, any guy who has a dick which are most of us, right? Understand that sometimes it works when you don't want it to. Sometimes it doesn't work when you don't want, when you want it to. And then sometimes it just does things on its own and you have no idea what's going on. That's what it seems like.

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Now, I think most of us in our younger years, including myself, don't have too much of a problem with this particular issue.

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Yeah, I have control over it. Yes, I do.

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Not then. No, no, no.

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It was just doing its own thing.

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Yeah, I had to tuck it under my shirt and stuff when I was walking up around high school.

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That's why I wore a blazer. People thought I was alternative. I was just hiding my boners. Hiding my boners. Hiding my boners. Hey, Brian, how are you? I'm good. I'm hiding my boner. Shh. Shh. Am I in my high school boner? Be quiet. Don't tell anybody. It's like the worst nightmare if you got caught with a boner. And because I went to Catholic school, I had to wear these damn pleated pants.

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And the pleated pants, sometimes it gets stuck, right? And then it just looked like...

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No, full-length pants. So sometimes my pants went all the way down to my shoes, but then other times because I had a boner, it was like a sock showing like this. And then I have to, like, throw my book bag in front of it. I can't imagine. Or walk down the hallway like this. Hey, why don't you throw your backpack on your back? No, no, no. I like it better when I'm here.

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Strength training. I'm working out. It won't go down. I don't know what happened. Miss Tiernan started talking, talking, talking. Miss Tiernan started talking about Uncle Barry Finn. She got a little bit of a low cut shirt.

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Well, I think... A thousand bucks, here comes one of Frankie's circular conversations. He's going to say there's... I think... I think, yeah, there's five parts to this. There's actually going to be 12. And six of them are going to be the same thing.

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I don't even know if we got into any steps yet. These are Frankie V's videos are all the same. He starts out with five things, right, which end up being 12 things, of which there's only really two. And then he just talks in circles.

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It's because you're a loser. Welcome to the family. Welcome to the family, you fat fuck.

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Like, subscribe, lose weight, you fat fuck. Let's get that dick right there. Let's get your cock straightened out real quick.

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Let Frankie touch it a little bit. I feel what's going on. Let me give it a little taste test. You know what I mean? A little teener. Let me get a little teener tickle of those testicles. Let me get a little testicle teener, if you don't mind. A little TT. A little TT.

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A little testicle teener. That's right. You know what you need? A shot of straight horse adrenaline. That'll get you dick hard. No, no, son. We're going to have to put this straight in your penis shaft. Don't worry. It hurts a lot more than it looks.

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Okay, without further ado, here we go. I'm going to get right into it.

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Right. Poor Frankie.

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Back by popular demand. Back by unpopular demand is probably the better way to say this. Chrissy, I think it was episode number, I'm taking a guess here, but I believe I'll be right when I say episode 61 or 62. I stumbled upon something that would become lure.

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Guys, you know, this is a problem. I do have to say, this is an honest-to-God problem, and we're not making fun of the problem. Like, I don't want anybody to feel, like, embarrassed about this. People have problems. It's a unit that sometimes doesn't work, and it's like you can't, you know, as much as you might try.

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He had the entire row. How do you do that? I mean, that is really quite amazing. I didn't ask. I didn't have the balls to ask. But that is quite amazing that he just had all these tickets. This is the oddest group of human beings I've ever seen in my entire life. There's a mountain of a man who stands like seven feet tall. Four years sober. You know, nicest guy he could be.

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Older, not older gentleman, a guy my age and his like eight, 17, 18 year old son. A couple who look like they've been in the cups all day long. And then Kevin and Jackie Beans.

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Jackie Beans is a guy that travels around with Kevin where he goes. He's a guy who helps Kevin do what Kevin needs to get done is the way that I assume.

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He is a Mick Jagger's man's man.

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This guy is a man's man. That's what he does.

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He does whatever needs to be done. That's right. And I can only imagine the stories that Jackie Beans has to tell. Yeah. Following around a guy who told me, and I don't think he would be shy about saying this because he told me and we had just met, two private planes. One for driving around in the country and one for driving around outside the country.

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When you have two private planes, things are going okay for you. And so Jackie – We're having fun in life. Yeah. So Jackie Beans probably has the best job.

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If you're going to – I imagine being a man's man is like – that's not a bad job to have. No. I mean, yes. You have to be in someone's beck and call and do a bunch of shit. Maybe that's like ticky-tacky type stuff.

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He really was. Yeah.

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Oh, he's got, he's, he's married with kids. Oh, okay. I'd like to be married to Kevin. How do you get married to Kevin? How do you get married to Kevin? Kevin had the best outfit on, by the way. He had the best outfit on. This guy had on a Western shirt, like a wet, like, like think of the old West and, And it's got, like, the stitching on the shoulders.

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And these flowers embroidered into the shirt.

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I've seen Jeff in those, too.

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It's called a Howler shirt? Howler shirt. I just thought that was the best. I was like, that's a great thing to wear to a concert. You know, you stand out. It doesn't look completely ridiculous, but it looks ostentatious enough that you're different. And it looks good. Like, it was good fitting.

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Jackie, but Jackie beans is the star of the show. I mean, Kevin is the star of the show. He is a really nice guy. And by the way, super grateful that he hooked me up. Oh yeah. But for some reason, the second that Jackie beans got out of the elevator, we're like all waiting downstairs for Kevin to come in this bar.

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And Kevin comes down the elevator and Jackie beans gets out and he's holding an igloo cooler.

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And I go, I turn around to somebody in the crowd and I go, I want to be the guy who carries – when you have a guy carrying around an igloo cooler, following you around with an igloo cooler, something is awesome about your life. Either you have medication that you need on standby. Or there's some shit in there that's just making life much better for you at any given time.

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And Jackie Beans, from the moment that I saw him, I'm so curious as to what's going on. Jackie Beans is a ball of energy. Jackie Beans has a smile on his face and a song in his heart, and you can just tell. He's just one of these guys. One of these guys. Chrissy, I just can't tell you how the universe... tuned in on Jackie Bean's channel for me, and I could not tune it out all night long.

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I don't know what was going on.

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Jackie Beans. And so we all collected the Omni.

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Yeah, listen, I can imagine the setup there has been that Jackie got a job early with the family and now has grown up with this family. And now they're like... It's a business arrangement, but they're best friends, too. They're karmatically tied together in one go. So we all head down the escalator and go through the CNN Center to get to Will Call. That, my friends, is when the fun starts.

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This guy was a lightning bolt of energy of the most positive and warming kind. I have, besides Chrissy being on my left side, I have never enjoyed having someone next to me so much at a concert than Jackie Beans.

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And I'll have a lot more for you when we get back. Let's take a break.

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Hey, all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Serea. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large.

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And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those Rule Breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Serea sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations, and rewriting the rules.

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They're talking about it all, the fights, the failures, and the moments that changed everything. You can follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Serea on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And hear, hear to the Rule Breakers for keeping life interesting. All right, so Chrissy and I are on our way to the Pearl Jam show.

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We're going down the escalator to get to Will Call, where Kevin has got to pick up these tickets that I assume have been left for him by somebody in the band. So, but here's the problem. Chrissy's got my ticket, and the extra ticket, which is my ticket with my brothers, is for Raphael. But because Pearl Jam does not allow transferring of tickets, I really got to think they got to put a stop to it.

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Like, there's got to be some way of getting a ticket to somebody else in your group who cannot be there right when you walk in the door. And by the way, Pearl Jam alerts you to this ahead of time. They do put in an email. You cannot transfer tickets. So everybody's going to have... If somebody bought tickets for the group... Everybody has to be together at the same time.

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You all have to go in the door because the way that Ticketmaster does it now to stop StubHub from – if you make the tickets non-transferable, to stop StubHub and scalping and all that. Mm-hmm. Ticketmaster changes the QR code every millisecond or two. So that QR code is constantly changing in billions of different variations.

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So if you take a screenshot, it's expired the second you take the screenshot. So there is no possible way to like, you know, you used to be able to like screenshot the QR code and then, you know, get somebody in the door. Can't happen. So how are we going to get Rafa to Kevin and Kevin to Rafa and Patrick and all this other stuff? Well, I'm trying to do this, all this coordination on the phone.

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But, you know, the fog of war, Chrissy, as they call it, the fog of war. Everybody's in the cups. Everybody's been it's a fucking concert. I was explaining to Gustavo, who's here in town. He's like, wow, everybody just like gets high and drunk before a show. And I go, it is it is it is exactly what you do in the United States of America. Music and drugs and alcohol go hand in hand together.

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If there is a concert, it doesn't matter what kind of concert. If it's fucking Pavarotti, somebody's getting high before the show.

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Tell me how many of you out there, and I'm sure there's a few people who are just sober teetotalers, whatever, for whatever reason, don't do drugs or alcohol. But I would imagine the vast majority of the people who are listening here, at least in their past or maybe now, get fucked up before you go to a show. Well, then try and coordinate the meeting one single person in 100,000 people.

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Yes, that's exactly it. So I say, Patrick says, well, I got to meet this other guy at the CNN Center. So try and get Rafa to this. And hopefully we'll meet up. And we're all in a group text message. And I'm like, this is, Rafa's twisted. Everybody else is twisted. No one's meeting up with anybody. This is going to be impossible. But I just tell Rafa, I'm like, you have Patrick's phone number.

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Oh, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Chrissy and I still recovering from what has to be one of the greatest concert adventures we've ever had.

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I'll walk you to this. Good luck, sir. Good luck. Yes, yes. You remember that time I got dropped off in Las Vegas after I got super shit-faced and the security had to drop me off inside the hotel room? Then they told the girl I was with, good luck, ma'am. That's how I felt. I felt like I was just saying, good luck, Rafa.

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And as soon, I'd send Rafa to the CNN Center, and as soon as I walk outside the CNN Center doors, guess who's walking by me? That's right. My twin brother, Patrick. And so it all worked out serendipitously. The heavens came together. Kevin and Rafa and Patrick get in the door with another friend of theirs, Eric. And now we're on our way to go to Will Call.

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This is an adventure in and of itself because you've got to imagine that there's 10 or 11 people who have already been drinking and having fun. And it's like the blind leading the blind because Kevin has the tickets, but Kevin doesn't know where the fuck he's going.

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I don't even know if he's been to State Farm Arena, but no one else has really been to State Farm Arena either because these people are out of town or whatever.

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Yeah. There's a hundred thousand people down there trying to get into the, their perspective doors. Like it's madness down there, but somehow magically through the mat. Oh, so we're walking down the street and we're confused as we could fucking be about where we'll call. Cause name the last time you picked up a ticket from will call. You don't pick up tickets from will call.

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That's not what happens. You have them on your fucking phone. By the way, at Will Call, there's like 20 windows and they have one of them open. You want to know why? No one goes to Will Call anymore. That's why. We're walking around the opposite side of the stadium. People are giving us varying, you know, we're asking people that look official, you know, where's Will Call? That way. That way.

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That way. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. What's Will Call? There's a homeless guy on the street, and he's on a bike.

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And he says, where y'all going? To which we reply, we'll call. And he goes, go through that door, take a right, take another right, take a left and up the stairs, and there's a we'll call. And Kevin whips out a 20, and he hands it to the guy. And the guy's like, thank you. And I go, that's the best 20 that guy ever made. If we actually make it to we'll call...

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If we make it to Will Call, that's the best $20 that's ever been spent. And guess what? No shit. We went straight to Will Call. We went straight to Will Call. That guy knew exactly where he was talking about. He got us a shortcut right to Will Call. We get up there, and Kevin, I don't know, Kevin works his magic and does whatever he does, and out comes a stack of fucking tickets.

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And Kevin just hands it to us, and he's like, take one down, pass it around. Yeah. And but not take one, take three tickets, a wristband, a ticket for a seat and a ticket for the pit. So now we've got all of us have three individual ways. Now we're flush with tickets. This was the craziest thing I had ever seen in my entire life. And I went on tour with bare naked ladies.

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I went on tour with bare fucking naked ladies. And this was the craziest thing I had ever seen. That not only did, essentially, Kevin got 30 separate tickets to Pearl Jam waiting for him and will call. It was insane. I knew at that moment that whoever Kevin knows, he knows them well. Yes. Because that was an epic feat of big dickness. He's a big supporter. Yeah. Okay. All right.

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And that is saying a lot. That is... You really have to put two and two together to make an adventure for Chrissy and I, because we've been through a few. And everybody has. If you have a good friend and you're into partying and a good time, then you've had those long nights, those... I don't even know what to say about that show. It was one hell of a fun time.

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Whatever that means. I love it. I was so grateful for this. So great. I was like, this is crazy.

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You don't even understand how good these tickets were. They were great. They only could have been made better by being in the front row of this section, but we were only six rows back. It wasn't like we were deep. We were six rows back and it didn't matter. And I think even if we had been at the very front, it might've been a worse view because of the speakers and stuff.

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We may have been, it may have been obstructed.

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Perfect view of the stage, 20 feet from the left side of the stage as you're looking at it. So like, you know, 50 feet from Eddie Vedder. It was just like they were the perfect seats. You had a bird's eye view, but you were so close you could almost touch them. It was insane.

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And you have an actual seat.

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You came to appreciate that night, too.

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Okay. So now we have our tickets, and now we've got to go through general security. Well, some people in the group may have never been through general security in their entire life. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, it's a backdoor kind of thing with some of these people. And that became apparent the moment we got through security. So we all filtered through a line.

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And almost all of us go through the line, except for one dude. One dude is looking a little bit nervous about going through general security. He doesn't really know what to do. You know, they have the detector, the metal detector, and then they've got a security.

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They take stuff out of your pockets, and they got a security guard that slides that little cup around, you know, to look in it. A little basket. Yeah, and looks in it to make sure there's nothing there. A security guard on the other end to make sure no one's, you know, bolting through the door. And then a third security guard, and then a police officer over by the doors of the actual stadium.

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So you've got essentially four layers of security there, all kind of keeping an eye on what's going on. Well, one of the guys in the group is looking a little nervous, but he finally goes through. And... Sir, did you take everything out of your pockets? He reaches into his pocket. He does a little dance with his hand, and he pulls out a wad of $100 bills and a vape pen and a vape pen.

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And it's like, but he tries to do a little sleight of hand with the vape pen and put it back in his pocket with the other hand and throws the wad of hundreds on the table. To which the security guard gives him the come hither hand.

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Like, no, no, no. Come here, right? Anything else in there? And he reaches into the other pocket and he pulls out like a dollar bill. And the lady in the front screams at him, go back through, go back through. He goes back through. Boop. And he goes, I got a metal hip.

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And the lady who's doing the check it on the opposite end is like gives him the hand again. I think I saw it. Come on. He goes into his pocket, tries to do another dance, but there's nothing left in his pocket. So he pulls out the vape pen, but accidentally also pulls out a baggie. Of which I'm not going to describe what was in. But okay, the vape pen goes on the table. The lady looks at it.

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She looks at her colleague. There's an officer standing behind. She throws it in the trash, right? She knows exactly what it is. It's a pot pen. And so she throws it in the trash. Go back through. Third time. A third time. And now they got the magic wand. And they're doing the magic wand. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

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Christy and I went and saw Pearl Jam's Dark Matter Tour night one here at the State Farm Arena in Atlanta. And by the way, we're a couple days removed from this and we're still recovering. So there you go. That was the latest I've been up.

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It's going beep, beep, beep, beep, beep all over the place. He's like, I'm telling you, I got a metal hip. I got a metal hip. And she's like, empty your pockets. Turn them inside out. Empty your pockets. He turns his pockets inside out. There's a baggie. There's something else in there. There's something in his boot.

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I mean, it was like this guy was shaking his leg and a pound of cocaine came out of it. It was the most crazy thing I've ever seen at a security line.

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and one of the baggies had some medicine in it let's call it i think it was medicine i think i don't know i didn't see it i but it looked like medicine to me and the lady picks up the medicine looks at the other lady the other lady looks at the officer and the officer just like kind of waves waves the guy in he's like just come on come on and so he grabs the bag he puts it back in and he goes i have and he he looks at me and he goes i got two he goes he goes

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I don't think I've ever been through general security because I was trying, man. I was trying. And I go, listen, I get it. I totally understand.

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I have never seen anything like this in my entire life. It was like a comedy. It was a comedy show going down right in front of my eyes. And I could not help but to be, A, scared that someone was going to go to jail, and B, that it was the funniest thing I had ever seen in my entire life. But we all get in, finally. We arrange to find our seats, and when we find our seats, it is beautiful.

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Wonderful. Pearl Jam hasn't gone on yet. It's 845. We get in our seats. Someone, Jack Beans, runs to grab people drinks. As soon as he gets back, Pearl Jam hits the stage, and it's game on. But now... I've got my brothers, who I was supposed to go to the concert with, sitting 312 rows behind us. So what do I do?

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I'm feeling a little bad now that I've got these glorious seats, a handful of extra tickets, and I don't know what to do. So it turns out that one of the tickets is for the floor. The ticket goes with the wristband. You have to have the wristband and the ticket. And that's how they get you.

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Because, you know, you can pretend like, you know, people got smart eventually and they started bringing different color wristbands into shows and they would find out which color they were using. They just slap them on. They quickly show the wristband. Well, now they stamp it with the name of the band and, you know, it's a whole thing. But you have to have the ticket to go along with it.

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You got to show the wristband. You got to show the ticket.

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To get into the pit, which is crowded.

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None of us.

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Since my wedding, I think. I honestly think. I got to bed just before 4 o'clock. I fell asleep. 4 o'clock in the morning. And I did not drink or drug at all because I have children and I know that train is coming no matter how I'm feeling. So I just decided, well, let me see if I can. That's probably also the first Pearl Jam show I've ever been to sober. That's for sure. But it was a good time.

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When we got down to the seats, we realized, because, you know, we just randomly handed out the tickets. We realized we had like one through 60. We had the entire fucking row to ourselves. Yeah. But the row was pretty much full. There was like enough breathing room that everyone was comfortable dancing and having a good time.

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But I didn't feel it would be appropriate to just grab tickets and start bringing four extra people down there. This guy gave me the tickets out of the kindness of his heart. I'm not going to shit on him by bringing the entire Irish Catholic family down from the heavens.

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Hey, keep going, Kevin. Kevin, keep going. Can you stand in the hallway so that my other brothers can stand in the hallway? It's just not – it's not the right protocol. This is not what you do when someone gives you something. You don't shit on them by taking advantage of it, kind of. So I decided after – I said – I was texting with my brothers, and I said to Patrick, I said, where are you guys?

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And that's when he said, look up, look up some more, and then look up again, and there we are.

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Two miles away. It was two miles in the air. You could see the entire stadium. It was like, I don't know, it was like watching a puppet show with a miniature stage. That's what it was like. It was. It was insane. Even the big screen behind them looked small. It was terrible. So I said, give me a couple songs. I'll figure something out. Let me see how this all shakes out.

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If people are going to go down on the floor, we might be screwed. But an idea is brewing in my head that, listen, all of us are of a certain age. There's only one kid under the age of 25, 35 there, and he's 17 years old with his dad. I don't think he's going down to the pit by himself.

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So if for some reason these tickets on the pit aren't getting used by song three, four, it's likely they're not going to get used. Maybe I can ask the people who are not using them, would it be okay if I gave a couple to the people upstairs?

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That's when I shook Chrissy down.

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Yes, Chrissy just gave me all of it. Well, Chrissy was having a good time. By song number three, I could tell Chrissy's feet were glued to the floor. She wasn't going anywhere. She was having a good time, but those feet weren't moving. My hands were moving. Yeah, your hands were moving. Cheersing in the air, yeah. Yeah, you were singing along. It was a good time.

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You know, I loved it when we got there, and there was a dude sitting next to you, and the second that we got there, he broke out the biggest bag of weed I've ever seen, and he was rolling a joint. Yes. I thought that was ballsy. With lights on and everything. I thought that was ballsy. I liked it. I thought, well, somebody didn't get scrutinized by security. Someone got it in.

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Because at State Farm Arena, not only are they like looking, you know, I was explaining this to Gustavo when I was telling him this story about the guy shaking his leg and a pound of coke came out. I said, and he goes, I can't believe he didn't get arrested. I go, that's not, they don't give a shit. They just want to get you through.

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They want to make sure the show is safe and that no one, it's a liability to have people in there like selling drugs or doing like vast amounts of drugs. Like they just want to make sure everyone's relatively safe. Now, if you really had a pound of cocaine on you, you'd be going to jail. But for the most part, the cops don't give a shit.

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They just want you to like they just want the security to do their job. And so, you know, they don't even allow lighters in there because there's no place to smoke. There are no designated smoking sections. Smokers are pariahs now and you can't have them anywhere near the building.

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And so the smart thing to do is to get a non-heavy metal vape pen or something like that and put it in a shoe or something so that you can just kind of walk on through. And if they bust you, you just say, oh, I forgot about that, you know, throw it away or whatever. So I couldn't believe that this dude managed to get in like a half an ounce of weed and he was rolling a joint. It was insane.

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So everyone was feeling pretty good by the time the show started. And that was only like a five-minute period between us getting our seats and whatever. Anyway, so I text Patrick. I'm like, hey, dude, just give me a couple songs. We'll figure it out.

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By like song or four or five, which, by the way, Pearl Jam put on a great show with an incredible set list, deep cuts, some of the favorites, some of the rockers. It was a heavy show. Like it was hard rock the entire time. There wasn't a lot of... No Black, no Better Man, none of that slower stuff from some of those albums, which I like. It was rocking. It was rocking.

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They were blasting through those songs. So I say, hey, Chrissy, can I have your ticket? Let me have your ticket. Let me give it to one of the guys. Then I have a ticket. Now I need some wristbands. So I look to my boy, Jackie Beans, and I say, Jackie.

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The best group of people, some of the best seats I've ever had to any show. Yes. And I've seen a couple Pearl Jam shows, and that was up there for sure. Wow. Clear sight lines. Yeah, clear sight lines. Right there next to the stage. Right there. You know, big stadium. I don't know, 25,000 people or whatever it is. Yeah. And we were sitting right side stage, couple rows up. And great view.

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I want to share this for the tenor and tone of the conversation, not because I give a shit. But this guy is a 50-year-old, I would imagine, man. Pearl Jam, probably not the first choice on his iPod. But this guy, Jackie Beans, from the moment the show started... was enjoying Pearl Jam more than I have ever enjoyed Pearl Jam, and I consider myself a pretty big fan of the band.

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This guy was a lightning bolt of energy of the most positive and warming kind. I have, besides Chrissy being on my left side, I have never enjoyed having someone next to me so much at a concert than Jackie Bean.

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He was jamming out.

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It didn't know a word to any song, but it didn't matter to Jackie because Jackie was in the moment. He felt the energy of the crowd and he loved it. He was soaking it all in. And we were talking and he was asking questions and we were hugging each other and I had my arm around him. I love this guy. And I didn't have anything to smoke or drink that night. I was just sober and feeling so...

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I don't know, jazzed by Jackie's energy. I love Jackie Beans, and I want him on this show tomorrow. I can't wait to see him. I'll see him this weekend. Yeah, tell him I love him. I will. I have never felt this way about another man that I've just met. I just got to say that. Never.

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We did. When the concert ended, we had a minute. I've never had a hug so long from another man that I just met and felt like it could go on for a couple more minutes, and I would have been okay with that. Yeah. So I say, Jackie Beans, if you got an extra wristband, is it okay if I give it to somebody? And Jackie goes, we ain't using them. Go get them. So I run up all the way to the heavens.

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I went all the way up there. Yeah. Because, well, this is actually how it went down. I had my wristband and I had my ticket. So, and I had your ticket, but I didn't have a second wristband because you had yours already on. So I'm going to put on. So rather than get everyone all excited, I wanted to go up there and see what the situation was first before.

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And I thought maybe there was a way we could figure it all out, but I didn't really know. Well, I get up there. It's Kevin, Rafa, Patrick and Patrick's friend, Eric. But when I get up there, it's only Patrick and Eric because Kevin and Rafa have been nowhere to be found since the concert started and they're not responding to text messages.

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So those two have gone off on their own adventure somewhere.

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They got through security. They're professionals. They've been through general security every single time. This was nowhere to be found. But they're big boys, and I trust that they're taking care of themselves. And if they're together, they're probably in trouble, but maybe the good kind. I don't know. Who knows? Who cares? I don't know. They're going to be okay. but it was just Patrick and Eric.

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I think I can work a miracle. I think I can take them from the very last row of the stadium to the very first row of the stadium by snapping my fingers and through the magic of Kevin and Jackie Beans and Chrissy, we can get this done. So I say, guys, let's go. And, you know, Kevin and I text Kevin and Rafa. Sorry, Rafa. Yeah, well, I told him, I said, where are you guys? You know, I'm here.

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Like the cavalry has come. I'm here to save you from the most terrible seat you've ever had. Right. But they don't respond. So let's go, guys. So we go downstairs. I run down. I talk to Jackie. I look at Chrissy. Chrissy says, don't leave me. I said, I won't. I'll be right back. Chrissy says, I don't need you. Please don't leave me. And I said, three minutes. I'll be right back. So I run upstairs.

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You could see the whites of their eyes, as they say. And Eddie Vedder was in rare form, running and jumping and howling as he does. He's still got a set of pipes on him.

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I bequeath these wristbands on Patrick and Eric. They are like wide-eyed. I mean, they are like, oh, my God. And I'm like, yes, go. And so they go. Go for it. I grab water for you. Yes. I come back down.

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Oh, my God.

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It was. I got myself a water.

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It was going on for a long time. I took the drink out of your hand, actually. I go, why did you give me that? Yeah. You take this, and that'll make sure that we keep our head on our shoulders for the rest of the night. And the show went on, and it tore up, and I had a bird's-eye view of Eddie and the boys. I had a bird's-eye view of Patrick and Eric enjoying themselves. I found them in the crowd.

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When they got down there, I waved to them, they waved to me, and I watched them enjoy the show all night long. I enjoyed the show. Jackie Beans enjoyed the show. Chrissy enjoyed the show. Everybody did. And then it ended, and we had to get out. with 100,000 other motherfuckers, and I have never in my life, never in my life have I been in traffic like that, ever. That was insane.

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It took us an hour and 15 minutes to get away from the stadium.

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Yeah, there's nothing.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. We could have gone to a bar or a hotel. But that also probably would have been a madhouse, too, right after 100,000 people.

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Even Jackie Bean said... Jackie Bean. He got a set of lung on him. And I said, yes, he does, Jackie Bean. So, yeah, I mean, I don't even know where to start. So we got bequeathed a couple of really good tickets. Let me back up. Pearl Jam was supposed to do their Dark Matter tour a couple of years ago. But, of course, COVID put a stop to that.

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But I do have to say this about Atlanta, and I love this about Atlanta. Kendrick Lamar, SZA, Pearl Jam, all release at the same time. Everybody's out on the streets together. And I was talking to people who had left, and I said, how was the Kendrick Lamar show? And everybody was having a good time. As a matter of fact, we walked by a guy.

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He's got a Kendrick Lamar shirt on, so he's just been to the show. And he kind of high-fives Rafa on me, you know, gives us a little knuckles thing. And as he's walking away, I turn around and I say, hey, man, how was the show? And he said, it was incredible. Like that. And I go, oh, okay. Because he snorted when he said it. And I go, oh, okay. And then he yells.

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He goes, I did that because I just did a bump. And I go, oh, cool, man. Yeah, all right, rock on. And he goes, do you want one? And I was like, ah, stranger, cocaine from a stranger, 2025. You know, I don't want to end up at the hospital tonight. It was a nice offer. And I honestly think he was offering out of the goodness of his heart and the highness of his brain.

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You know, sometimes when you get that little coke in you, if ever you want to share with everybody, he becomes your friend. And I think that was just that. But you never know right now what you're getting in your drugs.

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And I have kids. Yeah, I'm not just going to randomly start sniffing cocaine with a stranger because then I'd follow them home. You know, if I took one bump, then I'd want to follow them home and hang out with them all night long and be like, you got more? Let's go. An hour and 15 minutes home. So we leave at 1130.

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Now it's almost one o'clock in the morning before we get back to Chrissy's house where I've parked my car. And after we kind of hang out for a few minutes and Rafa and I get back on the road, it's almost 2 in the morning before I get Rafa back to his house.

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Crazy. But the craziest part, the best part of the night for me was I pull into the driveway here at the house. And I am so incredibly hungry because I didn't have dinner.

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Oh, my God.

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Yeah, I think that was part of your problem, too.

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Oh, you did? Yeah. So I get home, and I was texting with Astor on the way home just to let her know. I figured she was sleeping, but she was just like, you know, woke up to respond to me. I said, I'm so hungry. She's like, stop by McDonald's. It's 2 and 30 in the morning. No, there's no McDonald's that's open. You know, not around here anyway.

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So what's the one place in Atlanta and anywhere in the South where you know you can get a hot, stinky, fried meal at any time, day or night? Waffle House.

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I pull into the driveway. You went to Waffle House? I downloaded the Waffle House app. I order it to go. That's pro. I took a 15-minute drive to the nearest Waffle House. It was a pro move. And I picked it up. And the Waffle House scene was crazy, Chrissy. I got overwhelmed. It was crazy. It's almost 2.30 in the morning. On a Tuesday night. On a Tuesday night. And it was insane.

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I'll tell you more about that. Let's take a break.

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So I get on the horn there. I get on the old application. And I, you know, I used to call up Waffle House and I'd be like, hey, you know, Waffle House. Yeah. When I lived on Howell Mill, those people knew me by name. When I'd call up and I'd be like, hey, it's Brian. And they'd be like, yeah, double A, covered and diced and chopped and diced. And I'd be like, yeah, that's it. Okay.

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And so now they're back, you know, kind of doing some of the shows they were supposed to do. They did them in 24. And they're doing a second leg, a second American leg of the tour here in 2025. I think Atlanta is like the third stop that they're making on this.

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Some of those girls knew me by name. I was up there. Two times, three times a week? Yeah, we would go. Yeah, I also weighed 70 pounds more than I do right now. But anyway, that's neither here nor there. I was just divorced. I was putting on the divorce 30, 80, 100, whatever it was.

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I did, but that was after a couple months of packing it on. Of not knowing what to do with myself at night. You know, I just kind of like meander around and buy drugs from Dee. There's a moment there.

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Yeah, ordering pepperoni pizzas at a Waffle House from the girls that knew my name. But I also know from being a Waffle House expert for a period of my life that 3 in the morning, 2 in the morning, that's a great time to order Waffle House because you're probably going to get it pretty quick. Especially on a Tuesday, right? There's not a lot going on on a Tuesday. Well, I...

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I drive up to this Waffle House. It's probably 10 minutes away from the house. I drive up to this Waffle House that I've never been to. But I mean, I know where it is. I drive by it all the time, but I've never been to it personally. And I pull into the parking lot. There's like three or four cars in there.

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There's two tables, a guy sitting at the bar that I can see as I'm driving into the parking lot. And when I pull into the parking lot, there is a woman with like a backpack, a... Gucci, like, bag. Not a bag, not a Gucci handbag, but a bag from a Gucci store.

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Yes. And she is fully asleep in one of the parking spaces on the ground. Oh, my God. And I'm like, oh, my God. So I drive around her. You know, I decide not to park on top of her. I drive around her and then I get out and I walk over just to make sure she's breathing, like just to make sure she's breathing and she's breathing. And I say, ma'am, are you okay?

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And she turns her head and she goes, leave me alone. And I was like, okay, all right.

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Yeah, I'm just here for my food. Thanks. I was trying to be a good human.

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Yeah, I was trying to be a good human, but I see you're tired, so I'll let you sleep. I am too. I'm going to get some Waffle House and go home. So I get into the Waffle House, and there is a huge hunk of a man that is cooking the food. Huge. He's like 6'4", 280 pounds. I mean, this guy is huge. And he's cooking and he's cooking. And he's got all these to-go boxes lined up.

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I know they're so good at what they do.

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Well, they're here tonight again. And then they go over to Jazz Fest to do. Yeah. To do Jazz Fest. I've actually seen them at Jazz Fest, too. Like maybe 10 years ago, something like that. No, probably like 15 years ago, actually. But when they announced, you know, Pearl Jam is one of those bands who tries to fight against the StubHub Ticketmaster bullshit. And here's how they do it.

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You know, I watched Top Chef. Yeah. And one time they did like a short order cook episode. And the Padma said, you know, short order cooks are the unsung heroes of chefing. And I have to agree with her. Because to take those orders and keep them in your brain.

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Put them all down. Cook them at the same time.

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It's unbelievable.

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Yeah.

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I know.

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Yeah. And they got two grills going. It's like, it's really feels to me very complicated. And as many times I've been to a Waffle House, I still don't understand how they do it. And remember the diced and covered and smothered and all that. Whatever. Anyway, so I get there and there is a squeakish little man with a beard. That's the other person in the store, like waiter.

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So it's the waiter and the guy cooking, and that's all the people, that's all the employees that I can see in there. There's only two tables, and there's a guy sitting at the bar, and now I'm in there, and I can see that my food is being made. I can see the plates are out. I can see one of the two sandwiches that I ordered are sitting there. And this guy is just berating the waiter, berating him.

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Order up! I said order up! Get over here! And this guy's like, he's like, what? I'm over here trying to help a customer. And he's like, I said order up. Now, if you don't get the orders up when the order's up, then you're going to get behind. You're already behind enough. You don't need to be behind. Now, get that order and put it in the bag. I'm doing it. I'm doing it.

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They're like bickering at each other. So the guy comes back. Now he's helping the guy at the counter. He's like, I'm sorry it took so long. What can I get you? And before the guy can even say his drink order, the chef, order up! And I'm like, oh, my God, this is crazy. He's screaming at this guy.

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And so the guy turns around and like, you know, like wimpishly walks back to grab the order, puts it down at the table, then comes back to grab the guy's order. He's like, I'm so sorry about that. What can I get you to drink? Repeat order on one. And the guy turns, I mean, every time, this guy like snaps too.

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He's like, he turns around, he breaks out his little pad, and he goes, smothered, covered, diced, and covered. Covered or smothered, I can't hear you! They just hate each other. And they're like going at it. And it's just insane to me that this is going on at 2.30 in the morning.

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And there are only three people in the entire – three individual tables at the entire place and me waiting on a to-go order. And I could see there may be some other to-go orders that are like lined up or whatever. But this doesn't seem to me to be the most complicated thing in the world.

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You got three tables, a couple cups of coffee, a soda, a water, and a couple sandwiches, and you're going to be okay. But this guy gives this dude no minute of peace. No minute of peace. So he repeats the order. Then he goes, okay, now the dude comes around, and the dishwasher is going, and the chef turns around in his busyness, turns around, flips the dishwasher open, and Glasses need putting.

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Glasses need putting. Get this glassware. This glassware sits here. There are going to be stains on it. We don't have stains on the glasses. I'm like, oh, my God.

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They have a fan club. The fan club gets first bite. I think like 25% of the tickets go to the fan club at any given show. I'm not 100% sure about the numbers, but this is what I've heard. And then they release the rest general public. Ticketmaster, you know, whatever, credit card presale and all that shit that's pretty common and standard.

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Maybe.

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That's one hell of a training. That's one hell of a training method. I will tell you what. That is one hell of a training method. But, you know, eventually, the chef made sure that the second my food was done that it got to me because he just, hold it up! The guy ran over, put it in the bag, threw it to me, said thank you, and I got two sandwiches. Right. Two sandwiches and some hash browns.

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I was that hungry. I know. Me too. I hope Noemi's got something good. So I get in the car and one of those sandwiches did not even make it to the house. I was eating it while I was driving. And the good news is there's no one on the road at two in the morning. So I just all over the like if an officer had been behind me, I definitely would have been pulled over. You know, sometimes I like it.

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I like it when there's no one on the road.

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Yeah, for you, it's like you need a helicopter. That's what you need. If you had a helicopter, I think you'd go more places. But getting in that car is not a good feeling. I do not like sitting in traffic. No. And the getting out of that show was just epically clusterfucked. I mean, it really was.

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Even when we finally found the Uber, which, by the way, State Farm and Mercedes-Benz, you've got to do a better job on those nights of telling people where the Uber stand or taxi stand is. Because we asked six different officers, and we got six different answers.

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Yeah, no shit, right? That guy seemed like he knew exactly what he was talking about. All told, it was an incredible night of music and fun. And big thanks to Kevin and big thanks to Jackie Beans. They really did it right. They took care of us. Yeah, I mean, this will be legendary.

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Not only because of the fun that we had and the people that we were with and the music that we saw, but just the group of people made it an adventure worth having. There are a lot of people who you would have kind of gotten through all those things.

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like little roadblocks, like, you know, trying to find somebody to meet up before the show or finding will call or getting through security or, you know, all the different little things that happen on one of these nights, they would have made it fucking miserable, right? There's a lot of people on this earth who would have made that miserable. Why are we walking all over the place?

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I also think that because...

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you know we've all done this a few times like this isn't our first rodeo at a concert you know that sometimes you just got to go through a little bullshit to get to the it takes a couple of licks to get to the center of a tootsie pop do you know what i'm saying chrissy i guess that's the bottom line that's the best way of putting it but once you get to the center of the tootsie pop sweet

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It's sweet, sweet, sweet. And good on Pearl Jam. Congratulations to Matt Cameron, as Eddie said, for making it into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for the second time with Soundgarden. Once with Pearl Jam now and with Soundgarden. Wow. What a night.

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And then they do not allow you to transfer the tickets, except in a couple states where it's illegal to stop transferring of tickets. There's like five states where it's illegal to... to halt the transferring of tickets. But Georgia is one of the states that allows them to stop the transferring of tickets. So here's what happens. We get in line when the tickets go on sale.

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I think probably my favorite part of the night was when Eddie took some time out to recognize someone who's just a few rows in front of us, a kid named Isaac who had had a heart transplant. Yes. And he was just well enough to get to the show. His mom had written Eddie or the band. And Eddie stopped the show.

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Found the kid in the crowd, found the mom and the kid in the crowd, and then explained that Isaac, which was his name, wouldn't be here today if some of us weren't checking the box of being organ donors on our driver's license. I do.

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I know that some people are scared of that and there's some religious things around some things and stuff like that. But if you're not... And you can get over your fear.

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It saves lives. It's a way for you to live on in some small way. And this kid was a living proof of that. He was 16 years old. 16 years old heart transplant. That's insane. And he was at the Pearl Jam concert, apparently well enough to be there and rocking out with everybody else. So good on Eddie for taking the time to call that out. But I think he's really known for that.

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This isn't the first time or last time Eddie will find someone in a crowd that needs a little bit of attention. But if you can, it made me think about the fact that I'm a donor. My wife's a donor. And a lot of people I know are donors. We check that box. Now, I don't know if anybody's going to want my liver or my kidneys after all I've done to it. But if that happens to be the way it goes down...

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then I hope it goes to a 15 or 16-year-old kid because that kid, think about that, that kid, he's a kid. And if he didn't have the heart transplant, he would have been standing there. And 15 or 16 or 17 years old is just way too little time here on Earth. And so however long that heart affords him is another thing. Another day blessed, I guess.

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And I hate when people say it's blessed, but in this situation, I think it's actually appropriate. So there you go. Boom. Adventures with Pearl Jam. We had a good time. I wanted to talk about the bop house. I wanted to talk about mewing. We got to none of it, but that's okay. We'll get to all of it. We'll get to all of it later. That's the way it's going to be. All right. Wow. We are in May.

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The crazy month. And it's going to end. What is it, loco? Mes de loca. Mes de loca. Mes de loca. It's going to be a crazy month for everybody around here. Not only are you going to get your regular 16 episodes of the commercial break, but you're going to get an additional 12 on the very last day of the month supporting mental health awareness.

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Bringing up the caboose, that's right.

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Bringing up the train will be at least 12 additional episodes of the commercial break on May 31st. And I'll explain a little bit now. Most of those will be recorded on the same day, recorded and released on the same day. A few celebrity interviews are going to be done beforehand just for logistics sake. But Chrissy and I are going to be here on May 31st recording those episodes.

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And you'll be able to watch them live on YouTube and Twitch. You'll be able to watch us record them. Then you'll be able to listen to them on the RSS feed an hour later. all raising awareness about mental health, celebrating five years of the commercial break.

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My brothers and I do electronically, and we say, okay, whoever gets there first or gets the best seats, let's go ahead and buy for everybody. And my twin brother managed to get in there first, and he got center of the stadium, very last row, very... Very last row. And when I say very last row, I'm not even kidding.

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And our mental health. I can't believe we still have it. So our friends at Covert Creative, Odyssey, our network, and CTV, Central Talent Booking, all supporting the cause. Thank you so much. We really appreciate it. And tune in. Mark it on your calendars and tune in. Also, can you do us a favor? If you listen to us on Apple Podcasts, go and rate the podcast. Rate it a one. Rate it a five.

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I don't care. Just rate it. If you could do that, we certainly would appreciate it. Add The Commercial Break on Instagram. Follow us there. YouTube.com slash The Commercial Break. Whoa, my voice. Hey. It's still recovering from the other day. It is. Me too. That's our YouTube channel. All the episodes on video. Same day they air here on the audio. Go check it out. Subscribe to the channel.

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212-433-3TCB. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. Or be on the show. Give us a call. Let us know. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now.

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I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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It's like there are, as my little brother put it when we were at the show, if you want to find us, just look up, look up again, and then look up some more. There we are. These are the worst seats I have ever seen at any concert ever. They were terrible, but they were tickets.

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And it's sold out in minutes. These guys haven't been to Atlanta in almost 15 years. It's sold out in minutes, as most Pearl Jam shows do, because they're one of the better rock bands still kicking, and they have a very loyal fan base. And for those of you that are a little bit younger, maybe Pearl Jam's not your flavor, but they were a big deal when we were growing up. And they have toured...

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like the Grateful Dead tour, like for years, they just did like so many shows over and over again. People would follow them. They put out as they do. No set list is ever the same. No show is ever the same. Eddie writes the Eddie Vedder, the singer writes the set list minutes before they go on stage, they pass them out and there you go. It's, it's off to the races.

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So you never see the same show twice. And that's part, I think the allure of keeping people coming back. So we get these tickets and, They're not particularly good, but whatever. We're going to see Pearl Jam for the first time in Atlanta in a long time. Let's go. Let's make a brother's day of it, a brother's night of it.

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And as we get closer to the show, Chrissy texts me and she says, you still going to go to Pearl Jam? And I said, yeah. And she goes, well, Jeff's friend, Kevin, has some tickets to the show because he...

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He's also a super fan. And, you know, this guy rolls deep. Like, he can probably get some good tickets. He knows people that are connected to the band or whatever the story is. I'm not particularly sure. And that's not important. But he has some tickets. And if you want to go, he's got an extra one for you.

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And I'm thinking to myself, well, I was the one who told all the brothers we're going to put the Brothers Night together. But how can I pass up the, but I know these tickets are not particularly good. And how can I pass up the opportunity to go to a show where the tickets are going to be essentially from the guys in the band and they're probably going to be really good seats.

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I mean, that's just once in a lifetime. We'll figure it out. If you've done concerts enough, if you've been around music enough, you know. It doesn't really matter where you're sitting. If you've got friends in the state, we'll all figure it out. We'll figure out a way we can hang out together. So I said yes. I said, Chrissy, yeah, give me that ticket, and then we'll just kind of figure it out.

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Okay. Night approach is my friend Raphael, my good friend Raphael, dear friend.

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Shout out to Rafa. Super trooper, man of many adventures.

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Many loincloths.

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I have described him on the show as my second wife, and he really is my second wife. Even my first wife would agree.

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What am I, your fucking Uber? Yeah, what am I, your Uber?

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Yeah, close out your tab. I'm not sitting around waiting for you to get drunk. So Rafa wanted to go, but is there an extra ticket? Yes, now there is an extra ticket because anyway, there's an extra ticket. So yes, come on. But because there is no transfer of ticketing allowed, now there is a dance that has to be done. Now, here's what you need to understand to just lay the base out for you.

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Not only is Pearl Jam playing at State Farm Arena, 25,000 people going to be there, but right next door at the Mercedes-Benz Stadium. There is going to be Kendrick Lamar and SZA playing the exact same time. 75,000 people. 100,000 plus people are going to be in a half a square block. Downtown Atlanta. Yes. Downtown Atlanta.

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We're all going to be trying to get to and fro that show at the exact same time. No drama. Well... If you live in any big city, then the officers and coordinators and whoever does this kind of shit, they're used to this. We had the Olympics. This isn't our first rodeo.

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But it doesn't matter. If 100,000 people are trying to get to one spot on the map at the same time and away from that same spot at the map, it's going to be a clusterfuck. You better strap on your dildos because you're about to get... Get it in the rear. I mean, it's just the way that it is. And everybody knew it. We were all prepared. We all said to each other, this is going to be an adventure.

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So get there early. Okay, Rafa, I'll pick you up. Then we'll go down and pick Chrissy. We'll go down to Chrissy's house. And then from Chrissy's house, we'll take an Uber as close as possible to the stadium. And then if we have to walk, we'll walk once we just get to a dead stop. Because that's coming. We know it is.

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And it did. Okay. So Chrissy and I are here recording. Chrissy goes home. Six o'clock, I get out the door. Show starts at 7.30, but they have an opener, so we know Pearl Jam won't get on until about 8.45, 9-ish. So we have some time. Okay. So I text Rafa on this group text. I said, Rafa, I'm ready. Are you ready? And he says, yeah, I'm at the bar. Pick me up at the bar. At the bar? At the brewery.

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At the brewery? Which brewery are you at? Now I have to go finding you? I wanted to come pick you up at your house, which is conveniently on the way to Chrissy's house. But now you have decided to take a detour to some other fucking bar where I have to go pick you up? And he says, I'll be ready for you. I'm at this... It's completely out of the way. Completely out of the way.

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15 minutes in the opposite direction. But what am I going to do? That's who Rafa is. Rafa is just whatever. That's who Rafa and Brian are. Rafa assumes Brian's just going to come do whatever Rafa says. And I did. And I did. Not without bitching. I'm like bitching in the group. I'm like, now I'm your fucking Uber? And he says, yes. 70 degrees.

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So I pick Rafa. We're on our way down the entirety of the ride down. Rafa has got a vape pen and he is hitting that vape pen, adding to the old trope that the entirety of Atlanta is under one big cloud of weed. And I think it's coming from Rafa. I think it might be coming from Rafa. I think it's coming from Rafa.

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I got kids, and he's just like, you know, and I'm like, okay, dude, all right, okay, settle down.

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It took about an hour. Yeah. But it was fine. We're talking and shooting the shit, and Rafa's, you know, in the outer space. And, you know, we're just laughing and giggling and bitching at each other. That's what we do. By the time we got down there... You know, I felt good. I was ready. Probably I had a contact high, quite frankly.

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Yeah, because, I mean, we weren't hotboxing, but it doesn't really matter. When that much smoke is blowing around, something's going to get in your nose. So we get down to Chrissy's house. We're not there very long. We call the Uber and the Uber picks us up. Dimitri picks us up.

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Dimitri.

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A Russian guy who looks like a Russian guy. It looks like he just got off the front lines of the Ukrainian war, if I'm not being honest. But nice. But he's smart enough not to say, like, I have to sit in the front seat. Oh, but this is it, too. Like, we get out there. He's like, Rafa's like, oh, the Uber's here. Rafa had called the Uber. And I'm standing on Chrissy's porch.

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Rafa's getting in the car. He goes, oh, man, I called an UberX, but they don't have a third row. They have a third row of seats, but take a climb over. So you'll have to sit in front. And I'm like, why do I have to sit in front? Why do I have to be the one to sit in front?

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Well, you know, listen, it's not that I'm opposed to sitting in the front of an Uber. I've done it a lot in a cabs and all that other stuff. But it's the most uncomfortable seat in any ride you can take because you don't know the person you're sitting next to. You have to stare out the side window because you don't want them to feel like you're leering.

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You know, you don't want them to feel like you're leering at them or backseat driving. And you just like, you know, now you're all up in someone's 40.

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yeah hey dude stop sign take it right here take a left here um like that's someone's personal space you're in the five foot zone instantaneously and no one asked for it and you don't know that they're comfortable with anyway whatever is it dimitri was nice he says come see the bite okay all right very nice So Chrissy lives maybe like three miles as the crow flies away from State Farm Arena.

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And 30 minutes into the ride, we are going nowhere fast. We're about half a mile, three quarters of a mile away from the stadium. And so this great debate starts. Should we get out here and walk? Because it's a 15-minute walk to the State Farm Arena. Or should we stay in the car where it's now telling us it's going to take like 42 minutes to get to the arena?

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Well, Chrissy's like, no, just stay here. We got plenty of time. We got plenty of time. Meanwhile, the light keeps turning red and green and red and green and red and green. And we are literally not moving. No movement whatsoever.

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We were really stuck. I was like, let's just get out. It's a nice night. Let's get out. Let's take a walk. And we did. And in the most interesting part of Atlanta, here's three Pearl Jam fans walking through the most interesting part of Atlanta. And we meet Kevin and his friends.

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at the Omni which is a hotel that's attached to the State Farm Arena and what used to be the CNN Center CNN's no longer there but it used to be the CNN Center anybody who's been to Atlanta knows this by the way it's like one of those places you have to check off I visited Atlanta I went to the CNN Center kind of thing

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I want to share this for the tenor and tone of the conversation, not because I give a shit. But this guy is a 50-year-old, I would imagine. The Pearl Jam, probably not the first choice on his iPod. But this guy, Jackie Beans, from the moment the show started... was enjoying Pearl Jam more than I have ever enjoyed Pearl Jam, and I consider myself a pretty big fan of the band.

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We get to the Omni and there is a hodgepodge who's who mishmash of human beings at the bar waiting to go to the show with Kevin. See, I didn't know that Kevin was like had so many people going to the show. Yeah. When you say the band or someone attached to the band is getting us some tickets, what I assumed was like you, me and Kevin would be going and maybe another person.

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Who's doing Trump's makeup these days? He's got like a frosted lip. I know. They forgot to do the lip around. We should look at a picture of Trump at one of his... At the garbage rally. And someone forgot to put the tanner around his lips. So it literally looks like he's in blackface or something. It's kind of weird. I mean, I know the guy has tons of fucking money just being thrown at him.

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Best to you, Kristen.

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He's got to have like a really good makeup artist. He should. Isn't it a little disconcerting to see that? Yeah. Wouldn't you think that you would look in the mirror and say, hey, can you do the lips? Can you do the three and a half inches around my lips? Would that be okay? I don't know. Maybe he's having Burger King beforehand or something.

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Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. Happy Friday after Halloween. Halloweeny. Thank you very much. And so now it's November 1st and it's officially holiday season. Holiday season is here. But no rest for us, Chrissy.

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So when it comes to getting more physical, starting with the feeling in your body,

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When I think back on it, Chrissy and I were just reminiscing about some of the mistakes we've made in our own love lives. Und ich denke, wir stimmen zu. 90% von ihnen können zu viel Alkohol verpackt werden.

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Ich mag es, wenn er sagt, er kommuniziert auf diesem tieferen Niveau, er setzt seine Hände nahe seinem Penis. Ja.

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Then there's going to be a... It's all about the sex, Christy. That's all that matters, just to let you know.

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Has he blinked the whole time? No, he has not blinked the entire time. Speaking of eyes. I don't want to make fun of someone's appearance because he is who he is. He looks how he looks. But I do have to say there's something a little bit unnerving. Ja. Ja.

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Our podcast network has told us that we cannot take any days off on the holiday season. And that we must produce more content than ever.

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Maybe he just looked at her. Without blinking.

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Keep in mind there's really no boundaries. Keep in mind, boundaries are flexible.

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Ich denke, sie sind hier, weil das, was ihnen am besten fühlt, nicht in der Vergangenheit gearbeitet hat. Ich bin nur sagen.

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Do you notice that they bleeped out her name? Oh, very interesting. She was like, do not mention my name. I bet she definitely said, take my name out of this. Let's go through this again just to make sure it wasn't a glitch in the video.

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Well, you know what? He did the hard work for us because this poor girl doesn't need any more attention that she's already gotten for this video. Gorgeous by the way. Gorgeous young lady.

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This girl's already creeped out.

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It starts with feeling that... It starts with a little saliva coming out of your mouth and rolling down your chin.

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She's immediately wondering where her cell phone is to press the emergency button. Chrissy, could you imagine being at this guy's apartment? And he's like, I'm feeling this attraction. And he starts shaking his body left and right. I'm feeling this attraction. Can you feel the magnet pulling from the downside of my pants? This is just the way I express myself with respect to your boundaries.

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Can you feel the roof and all taking effect?

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The more she will recognize your breath as one that has not been brushed. Those teeth. Cavity breath is what I call it. Infection breath.

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This guy looks completely uncomfortable and this girl is standing her ground. She looks like she's about to smack him.

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Why is he staring right at her and not talking to the audience? Do you think that these two have any kind of romantic connection beforehand? No. I'm assuming not. I'm assuming she was at the conference. He met her. He needed someone to help him out with this. And no practice whatsoever. He called her up on stage. And now she is terribly uncomfortable and she doesn't know what to do.

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Oh, he just leaned over and talked in her ear. Oh, Chrissy, can you feel the hairs on his beard just scraping against the side of your face? Can you feel my scraggly beard? Cheeto dust and all. Did you know Cheeto dust makes you transparent? Can you smell the Doritos on my breath?

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So we will be live with fresh episodes. I say live, you know what I mean. We'll be fresh episoding it the entire holiday season, including the 12 days of TCB, our first ever 12 days of TCB, December 13th through the 25th, through Christmas Day. Brand new episodes for you to enjoy. So enjoy your holiday vacation with some mediocre comedy.

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I've been to lots of bars where you lean over to talk in someone's ear, but you do not do it. Standing one inch from their face and not moving. Just staring. Yeah.

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My boner gets a little bit higher. Das ist schlecht.

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What are you going to do, the moonwalk? I'm not sure what you're talking about, anything fancy. I want to describe this, because I know most of you listen to the show, no one ever watches the videos, but I want to describe this to you. This guy is crazy. Sie ist so... Sie ist so...

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I have to tell you that when he says, with respect to boundaries, being within a foot and a half of someone's space that you do not know at a bar.

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Yes, staring without blinking. By the way, he has not moved his eyeballs. He is staring directly at her forehead the entire time while he's talking. This is not the way to physically approach a woman in a bar. I can promise you that.

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So if I lean in and our arms graze against each other, that's just gonna... She has an instant orgasm. Did you see that instant orgasm? Oh, Chrissy. Don't worry, Chrissy. Can you do an example with me? Stand up, Chrissy.

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Ich denke, es gibt andere Dinge in der Welt, die sich besser fühlen könnten, als sich gegen jemanden zu brüllen. Ich meine, ich würde lachen, wenn ich sie wäre.

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Und ich lege mich ein und unsere Hände bewegen. Oh mein Gott.

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He has no idea what he's talking about.

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Our hands have a lot of nerve endings. No shit. Really? Doesn't give you the right to touch somebody.

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I can pile driver into the ground. Smother her.

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Turn on TCB. Let the kids open up presents while Brian talks about shaving his balls. What's a better gift than that? What better gift than to hear Brian talk about his high calcium and low T. It'll be fun for the whole family. The kids will love it. And for our Jewish friends, light the candles and Like the candles and spin the dreidel. Listen to Brian talk about dipping his balls in wine.

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Cool. How's that going? How's that not being sexual with me going?

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Can you smell the Doritos all over me?

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I cannot imagine walking up to a girl and talking in her ear and grabbing her hand to hold hands. I can't imagine it. Maybe this is why I need alcohol to get laid.

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Oh, wie wenn das von Anfang an nicht überwältigend war.

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My sexuality comes in waves. At first I brush my beard against the side of your face while I whisper sweet nothings into your ear. Then I grab your hand and pull it toward my penis. But there's a break. I've got to break the tension. I've got to build it up again. Then I come back and I smother you. She wants to get through the hands, through our shoulders.

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Und alles andere.

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Ja, sie sieht klar zufrieden mit der Situation aus. Oh ja, sie sieht klar zufrieden mit der Situation aus.

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Look at her eyes. Did he just say that? Did he just say that? Flirting is speaking to someone else.

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Flirting is speaking with a boner.

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Snack, crackle and pop on this cock. Oh yeah? I love pancakes. My favorite. Words don't matter. They never did. Only thing that matters is the feeling. Words don't matter. They never did. This guy

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Words don't matter. They never did, Chrissy.

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This is the funnest for everybody except for the poor girl.

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That's right. Alright, we'll take a break and we'll come back with more of this.

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Alright, we're back trying to figure out how to get sexual like a man with our friend here at the 21 Convention. He's currently up on stage with a lovely young lady. And he's trying to give you an example of how to turn that conversation at the bar into something much more sexual. And he's failing at every level.

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Getting closer, pulling back. Getting closer, pulling back. Getting closer, pulling out.

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Cantor is officially a thing. I mean... It's crazy.

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The jokes make themselves.

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Come here. Let me grab you by the hips and pull you closer to my magnetic balls.

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Can you smell Call of Duty on my breath?

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Yeah, that's all you've got to worry about when you're talking to another human being. It's what's going to make you feel most amazing in the moment.

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Christina, can you put a link to this video inside? Because I think the jokes here make themselves quite frankly. You have to start this video. Put a link in the video, Christina, if you could. And to the audience, start around minute number 21 or 22 on this video. And look at the craziness that is going on on stage.

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This poor girl is basically... I mean, if she's not getting assaulted, she's certainly... In a uncomfort zone of epic proportions.

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They are 15 feet from where they started and it's her moving backwards every time he touches her.

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I know that I'm fucking crazy.

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Old spice spewing out of my pores. To cry no more on my dick ready to be had. I'm open, I'm yours, ready to be had. I'm like a flower ready to bloom.

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She's not looking at you in the eyes.

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Oh my god.

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That's the question. I know that I have had very high calcium for a long time and that kind of leads your brain to go different places. But there is some times when I see stuff out there or I hear certain people say certain things and I just wonder if they heard that on an episode of the commercial break or if they literally came to that conclusion around the same time.

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Please don't go in for the kiss.

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She is like, thank God. Oh my God, Chrissy. That was like... Honestly, I've never wanted something not to happen so bad in my life.

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He's like, that's how he is.

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So you're saying practice getting uncomfortable, practice getting in people's personal space every single time that you meet a girl, even if you're not attracted to her, try and hold her hand, grab her hips, give her a kiss.

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Yeah, sure.

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By the way, what happened on stage is exactly how I got Astrid to marry me.

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Hey, ich arbeite für jemanden, den ich wirklich attraktiv finde. Ich leite dich an, damit ich mit jemandem, der später in der Nacht attraktiv ist, zusammenkommen kann.

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Es könnte ein bisschen seltsam sein. Es könnte ein bisschen seltsam sein.

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Chrissy, I sent Chrissy a picture the other day of an actual penis-shaped penis Right away, sir. Right away, sir.

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I've been doing it wrong the entire time, Chrissy. When Astrid says, give them the Brian look, I should really go grab their hips and rub my beard all over them.

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Post office workers.

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Well, Chrissy, I think I've been doing this wrong the entire time. I wish I had taken this advice long before because I would be a stud of epic proportions.

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If I just learned how to assault someone's personal space much sooner, things would have turned out differently for me.

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Thank you. But if she's like, oh, you're so sweet. Better be like, you're so sweet. And then she's like, no, you're so sweet. And then you're like, no, it's you, sweetie, that's so sweet. And then she says, no, you're so sweet, sweet. And then you say, I'll take extra syrup with my pancakes. You know how many freebies I've gotten that way? Just blowjobs right under the table. Works every time.

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You know how many old ladies are giving me head, taking out their dentures and knocking one off in the bathroom? It's because I flirt with everybody. Everyone.

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I feel really bad for anyone that works at a restaurant close to the 21 Convention. Any woman that works at a bar inside of the hotel.

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Ja, die nicht spezifischen Tricks. Yeah, like, instead of like that kind of, you know, hyper-masculine message, more of like a softer approach to it. And I can agree with some of what's being said. But this pickup artist bullshit that they have got, almost every one of those videos that I have watched, is just terrible advice for people who really need some good advice.

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I mean, if you're paying $5,000 to go down there and learn how to speak with the opposite sex or the same sex or whatever, I think you really need someone who's gonna give you like some personalized, hey dude, just be yourself. Like, you know, it doesn't happen every time.

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You just gotta, you know, be comfortable inside of your own skin and make somebody else feel comfortable inside of their own skin. Not grab them by the hips and rub your beard all over them. That's a terrible piece of advice. Terrible. And I can promise you, I can promise you, this guy has never, ever used that trick at a bar and it worked. Never. Ever. He's not sexual like a man.

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He speaks a little weird, too, if I'm being honest with you.

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So much fun, Chrissy.

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Yeah, it's all YouTube stuff now.

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A lot of these people have ended up in Trump's orbit. That's right. But that's because he's leaning into that kind of like, you know, I don't want to be generic when I say this, but kind of that like bro-tastic world. And so a lot of these speakers and a lot of the people from the 21 Convention have ended up in Trump's orbit.

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And it's kind of interesting to watch it all happen as these guys kind of gravitate toward that messaging.

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This guy? Nick Austin or something like that? Yeah, something like that.

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Nick... I just saw it. I'll get it for you. Oh, Nick Sparks. Nick Sparks, that's right. And now a lot of these PUAs are fighting online. They're all fighting online about who's got the best and who does it the best and who's scamming who. It's really interesting. We'll review some more of that content coming up.

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Alright, I want to thank everybody for dealing with me this week as I really am just kind of being taken for a ride by my hormones, if I'm going to be honest. So this hasn't been the best week of the commercial break. Well, I'm sorry. That's just the way that it is. Aber zumindest ist es ein neuer Episode, oder? Es ist nicht ein Best Of. Es ist.

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Ja, und ich möchte Christina danken, dass sie so einen tollen Job gemacht hat, während wir weggegangen sind. Ich denke, sie hat einen tollen Job gemacht.

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Ja, ich weiß, Best Ofs sind nicht dein Lieblings. Ich denke, sie hat einen tollen Job gemacht, sie zusammen zu machen und sie interessant zu machen. Also danke Christina, unsere wundervolle Exekutive Produzentin. Okay, 212-433-3TCB, 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas.

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Also ask TCB and if you have a charity you would like us to focus on during the 12 days of TCB, please let us know so we can bet it out a little bit more and you'll figure out how that goes down. On the 12 days of TCB, December 13th through the 25th, tcbpodcast.com. All the information, all the audio and video and get your free sticker. Hit the contact us button and request one.

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Yes, it's good. I can imagine being at Hal's or something like that. Just whipping out your nuts. Dipping them in the canter.

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I can see the kids bringing their wives and husbands home with all the kids and I'm just around the table like Clark Griswold. And I break out a bottle of wine. I've been saving this for a very special occasion. And I pour it into like a cereal bowl. Just take out my testicles and dip it in there. Yep. Chef's kiss. So delicious. You don't mind if I take a second taste, do you?

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That's the good stuff. That's $100 a drop. Ich erzähle euch eine Geschichte. Wir hatten einen Freund. Und wir gingen um unsere Engagement zu feiern. Astrid und ich. Also das war vor Jahren. Und dieser Freund war sehr reich. Er hatte viel Geld. Und ich glaube, er weiß nicht, was er damit zu tun hat. Er würde oft... Er ist der beste Typ. Ja, er würde auf lavische Dinge für seine Freunde investieren.

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Er war super generous. Immer sehr generous. Generous to a fault. Und er hat uns zum Abendessen eingeladen. Wir sind in diesem sehr schönen Steakhaus hier, wo wir leben, ein sehr bekanntes Steakhaus. Und er schaut auf das Weinmenü und sagt, hey, trinkt ihr ein bisschen Wein und feiert. Und auch wenn wir nicht viel trinken, waren wir so, natürlich, das ist unsere Engagement, lass uns das machen.

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Und er hat gesagt, okay, ich nehme den teuersten Bottle von Wein, den du hast, ist, was er dem Waiter gesagt hat. Und der Waiter hat gesagt, das ist wie ein schreiender Egel, das ist wie 12.000 Dollar oder so etwas. Und er sagte, ja, was auch immer, was auch immer es ist. Diese Leute haben das Wein herausgebracht und es war eine Parade durch das Restaurant.

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Ich meine, das Restaurant ist nicht sehr groß, es hält wahrscheinlich 150 Leute. Und alle, sie haben es herausgebracht, wie so eine Galantrie. Und es ist dieses spezielle Decanter, das auf eine Platte kam, das alle diese, wie du weißt, es sah aus wie ein Wissenschaftsexperiment. Ja.

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The poor kid opens up the wine and starts pouring it into the decanter and he spills like a good portion of that wine. He's just shaking, I think is really what's going on. Yeah, he was so nervous. And then he was like trying to pour a taste and he spilled more of it. The kids spilled a third of the wine on the tablecloth. That's like $4,000 worth of wine that just got spilled.

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And I was mortified for the guy. I thought to myself, he's certainly fired. You just splashed $4,000 worth of wine. You're fired. Who's going to let you work here? But my friend was so gracious about it. And then he started giving tastes to other people in the restaurant that wanted some. It was a beautiful occasion.

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But the decanter, like this whole decanter thing, it makes you so nervous when you're a waiter that you have to like, that the bottle of wine is so expensive, you have to decant it. It reminded me of a time when I was working at a nice steakhouse here. With the au point? Who not? Au point. And we had this private room.

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Someone rented out the private room for a wedding party, for like an engagement party, something very similar. And the father of the bride came in hours before this whole thing happened. And he brought these three wooden crates of wine. And inside of those wooden crates were French wine from the early 1900s. It was a hundred years old. The wine was like a hundred years old.

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Und er hat gesagt, hör mal, ich habe das geschenkt, es wurde von meiner Familie übernommen, das ist es, ich werde einige davon öffnen. Ja, öffne es. Ja, und er hat gesagt, also, sei sehr vorsichtig damit, weil es sehr teuer ist. Es ist wie ein Preis, Teil meiner Preis-Kollektion. Ich will, dass alle einen Geschmack haben. Ich will, dass jeder, du weißt, ein Stück davon bekommt.

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Also, sei vorsichtig. Als wir das Wein öffneten, Chrissy, waren die Korken dreckig. Sie waren dreckig. Sobald wir unsere Wein-Korken in die Korken gesetzt haben, fielen sie in die Korken.

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Wir mussten also jede Bottle des Weins zerstören und es dekanten. Und er hat uns immer gesagt, du musst es für fünf bis zehn Minuten sitzen lassen. Das ist wirklich so, es leuchtet aus, es oxidiert, was auch immer er sagte, es wird wunderschön sein. Er hat sich gedacht, als wäre er ein Wein-Experte. And then he's like, you know, go ahead, take a taste, tell me what you think.

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It was literally like drinking liquid dirt. It was fucking disgusting. The wine was so bad. It was so disgusting. And everybody at the party agreed. Like everybody like took a sip and then they all put it back down. Well, wine can be too old. It was too old. And if the cork is like, you know, it's dry and brittle. Yeah. You know, what are you going to do?

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First of all, second of all, don't save wine for a hundred years. Do you guys drink nice wines? Yes. You do? What's your favorite kind of wine?

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I like a good penis too. Pinot.

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What is the nicest bottle of wine you've ever had?

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Yeah, you know, when we worked at the Steakhouse, we had that Silver Oak. You know what Silver Oak is? Silver Oak, really nice bottle of wine. And we would sell those bottles. Some of those bottles were like $250. And I always thought that was a huge deal. Ja, genau. Do you guys like white wine or red wine?

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It just depends on what you're eating?

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For Halloween? Did you give him a little Halloween surprise? Yeah. What'd you dress as? I'll tell you when we're off with the podcast. All right, it's Friday. I'm still recovering from my parathyroid surgery. I'm now dealing with, what is it called? Hyperthyroiditis, which means that I've got a bunch of extra thyroid hormone. You're hyper. Oh man, I'm way hyper.

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I had such a hard time sleeping last night.

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Are they pinned? Yeah, my... Es war so verrückt, weil, naja, hier, ich erkläre es ein bisschen, dann werde ich in die Mehlpotatoes des Episodes kommen. Ja, das ist gut. I am so high. So I was staring at the mirror yesterday. I was looking into the mirror and I was telling Astrid, I'm like, hey, a couple days ago, and I'm like, hey, babe, look at my eyes. They are literally pinned.

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Are they pinned right now? Yeah, they are. They are pinpoints because I am so fucking high right now. I have zero pupils. So, if anybody's wondering why Brian sounds a little bit off this last week, it's because I have too much thyroid. I got rid of the parathyroid problem, I picked up a thyroid problem, and fuck you if you don't like these episodes. Your body's readjusting.

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Yeah, I mean, someone made a comment on one of the text messages, but you know, fuck them. Okay. 21 Convention, one of our favorite places to find pickup artists, because that is basically what the 21 Convention was originally geared toward. And in 2014, one of our friends did a presentation called How to be sexual like a man. And... literally the name of the presentation.

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How to be sexual like a man. And this presentation, about halfway through, goes off the rails when he invites a nice young lady to come up so that he can show the guys in the audience how to get sexual like a man. So, I want to take a break, Chrissy, and when we get back, I want to review this video with you. Let's do it. Alright, we'll be back.