Bryan Green

I'm just adjusting the tanning bed.

Do the same one as my wife does, right?

And then she's like, okay, this is just going to take a few minutes.

Let me take a picture of you.

And I'm like, great.

Let's take the worst picture possible.

Right after the tanning.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome badass boning up Brian for his 2026 goals of losing 300 pounds and getting rid of those man titties.

Please look at the picture on the screens in front of your treadmill.

You can see he needs it more than you do.

Brian's signing up for the tanning band.

And I'm like, holy fuck.

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

And then she goes, I'm going to be back in a few minutes.

Let me go put some information in the computer.

And I'm like, what information could you possibly be putting in the computer?

And, okay, she goes to the computer.

And then she's like at the computer and she goes, hey, Brian, I want to introduce you to one of our team members.

And I'm like, oh, fuck.

Here comes the personal trainer.