Bryan Greene

You know, a lot of times I'll take the kids to school, but I just wake up and

literally shove them into the car and go yeah i don't even take a shower i'm just like hey i see astrid all the time you know they're in there for hours i don't know days doing that those hair things and i'm like i don't have so i told astrid before she left i said what do i do with this one's hair and she goes well just put it in a ponytail yeah put just put it in a ponytail it's like telling me to build a quantum computer just throw a little knowledge in there you'll be fine

I am literally looking up those goddamn dad Instagram accounts trying to figure out those better dads than I am doing their daughter's hair all whoopie doopie and sending them out the door.

I don't know the first fucking thing about hair.

I've dated a lot of girls with ponytails.

I'm only good at taking them off, not putting them back in.

What do you want me to do?

Right.

So now I'm negotiating with my daughter.

She's standing on this little stand in front of her mirror in the kids' bathroom.

Hair is all like this.

She's got beautiful hair, but it is thick.

Thick and curly.

And so it's all curly and out to here.

And I'm like, I definitely can't send you like this.

And I'm like, listen, can I just do a ponytail?

What do you want?

I want a double cross braid.

I'm like, what the fuck is a double cross braid, hon?

I don't know what that is.