Caitlin V

The triple M. And if you feel like you don't have access to, you know, a like solid core in any of those, or if you feel like you're, you know, maybe like you don't have a lucrative job or you don't feel like you're traditionally attractive or tall or handsome.

Like there are a lot of ways in which sex comes to mean a whole lot more than just connection and pleasure for people.

So you come into sex with all of that baggage, right?

And then you're holding tension in your physical body often.

And people literally hold tension to reach orgasm, right?

So you're coming in with a bunch of tension already.

You're putting yourself up to having an orgasm a lot faster.

But there's also quite a bit of tension that occurs in your mind and in sort of like your heart and your emotions as well.

If you feel like you can't maybe speak these things out loud because you can never let your partner know that you're feeling fear or you're feeling insecure.

All of this kind of adds up to someone who's not actually capable of being present and just doing the dance.

Totally, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And each time it gets worse because each time you have that experience, you're thinking, oh my God, I hope, let me use ED for an example.

Like, okay, so I lost my erection the last time that I had sex with this person.

Oh my God, if it happens again, what if it happens again?

I can't, I can't like stand the thought of it happening again.

Now you're here.

What chance does your body have of performing when you're watching yourself from outside of yourself?

What prayer do you have of being present?

And this is why I say that the things that I have noticed that are true across the entire spectrum, this isn't true for men, it's true for women, are the same things that allow us to be present and to...

slow down enough to relate to another person and relate to ourself, going back to porn and porn allowing us to put all of our attention outside of ourself, in order to have sex with another person and have it be really fulfilling, you have to be willing to put your attention inside of yourself, tracking your own body, your own thoughts, et cetera, and tracking their body at the same time.