Caitlin V

And it can be fairly scary to kind of like peel back and say like, what is it that is actually going on?

And are there ways in which this could improve, especially when it can touch on insecurity for so many people, it can go straight to like, I'm not enough straight to defensiveness, like, but it was fine before.

it doesn't mean that anything is wrong.

Nothing has to be wrong for something to improve.

There's nothing wrong with my home or my skiing technique, but I'm still going to take a lesson because I want to enjoy it more and I want to get better.

This is not about fixing anything a lot of the time.

So I think often, especially in long-term relationships, probably on both people's sides, there are some things that they would like to say, right?

Maybe it's often, and I teach that this always has to come first in having these more vulnerable conversations, we gotta begin by clearing the air and cleaning up anything that hasn't been said or hasn't been acknowledged, right?

Because if we don't do that, then we're sort of like working in a field that has like a whole bunch of like,

Rocks and twigs.

Landmines.

You're going to step on one too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Absolutely you're going to step on one.

So go through and like do the work of clearing all of those out.

And then you've got a free space that you know you can run around in.

And when you can run around everywhere, then you're safe to go everywhere, right?

So clean up everything that needs to be cleaned up.

You know, we never took care of that.

I never apologized for this, et cetera.