Cecil Baldwin

Call me old-fashioned, but I miss the days when we gossiped about people we actually know.

Some of you have asked why I don't just change my time slot so that it doesn't conflict with Antler Cove.

I'll tell you why.

Because the oath I took as a broadcaster states that I will never change my appointed time slot for any reason.

Not for holidays, not for personal crises, not for natural disasters, and not to avoid competition with other programming.

It also states that I will never climb the radio tower for recreational purposes.

never advertise for undergarments, never use the break room microwave to make hot tuna bowls, and never, ever say the F or the S word aloud, even in the privacy of my own home.

There are a lot of parts to the oath.

Most of it I can't disclose publicly, but the oathing ceremony takes place in this cool secret cavern in front of a group of really famous broadcasters who are all in cloaks and masks.

And there's a wolverine in a judge's robe who nips at your ankles anytime you seem hesitant about what you're agreeing to.

Oh, shoot.

I wasn't supposed to say any of that.

Well, I'm pretty sure nobody's listening anyway.

In fact, I could probably get away with saying the S word right now.

Serpentine.

Oh man, I can't believe I did that.

What a rush.

I'd be in so much trouble if anyone was listening.

Which they aren't.

But just in case anyone is, let's have a look at the headlines.