Chanse McCrary

Ich bin zu ein paar Überraschungsfeiern gegangen, wo das Paar aufsteht. Es waren beide zwei verschiedene Paare, aber sie kämpften natürlich direkt vor dem Überraschungsfeier, direkt vor dem Überraschungsfeier. Und sie kamen in die Tür und es war einfach, man konnte sagen, dass sie das Feierabend nicht wollten. Sie wollten die Leute nicht sehen und sie mussten durch das Feierabend sitzen.

Ich bin zu ein paar Überraschungsfeiern gegangen, wo das Paar aufsteht. Es waren beide zwei verschiedene Paare, aber sie kämpften natürlich direkt vor dem Überraschungsfeier, direkt vor dem Überraschungsfeier. Und sie kamen in die Tür und es war einfach, man konnte sagen, dass sie das Feierabend nicht wollten. Sie wollten die Leute nicht sehen und sie mussten durch das Feierabend sitzen.

And you know what? And I've communicated that. And I relish in that opportunity and it will be the best goddamn musical that I've seen. But just saying.

And you know what? And I've communicated that. And I relish in that opportunity and it will be the best goddamn musical that I've seen. But just saying.

I've been waiting for this.

I've been waiting for this.

I'm kidding. You don't have to do this.

I'm kidding. You don't have to do this.

Es wird ein Show sein. Okay. Es wird ein Show sein. Ich bin entspannt, es zu hören. Ja, wie. Hat jemand Argumente? Ja, Bitch. Es wird ein bisschen... Du wirst Argumente planen? Oh ja, ich bin es. Und es wird lustig.

Es wird ein Show sein. Okay. Es wird ein Show sein. Ich bin entspannt, es zu hören. Ja, wie. Hat jemand Argumente? Ja, Bitch. Es wird ein bisschen... Du wirst Argumente planen? Oh ja, ich bin es. Und es wird lustig.

Am I the asshole for leaving during my wife's labor?

Am I the asshole for leaving during my wife's labor?

She's got two humans coming out of her vag.

She's got two humans coming out of her vag.

Und dann, eine der Feierabende, wo das passiert ist, endeten sie in der Mitte durch. They couldn't stop butting heads. Really awkward. Yikes. But hey, there was drinks, there was food. At least there was that.

Und dann, eine der Feierabende, wo das passiert ist, endeten sie in der Mitte durch. They couldn't stop butting heads. Really awkward. Yikes. But hey, there was drinks, there was food. At least there was that.

This guy is Don Draper. It's just unfathomable. Like, your dad needed you? No, bitch. It sounds like your wife needed you.

This guy is Don Draper. It's just unfathomable. Like, your dad needed you? No, bitch. It sounds like your wife needed you.

What could be the content of this presentation that it is so vastly important that you couldn't say, my wife is in labor, can we move it a couple of hours?

What could be the content of this presentation that it is so vastly important that you couldn't say, my wife is in labor, can we move it a couple of hours?

Das ist furchtbar. Das ist furchtbar. Ich denke, es könnte möglich sein, that he didn't want to be there. And there's a possibility that he's not being as honest with himself that he did not want to be there. He did not want to see it.

Das ist furchtbar. Das ist furchtbar. Ich denke, es könnte möglich sein, that he didn't want to be there. And there's a possibility that he's not being as honest with himself that he did not want to be there. He did not want to see it.

And he chose the presentation so he did not have to be there.

And he chose the presentation so he did not have to be there.

I'm kind of blown away. I also think that there is familial patterns in our DNA that are so inherent that we don't even look at a lot of the time. Ja, du hast recht. Es ist so, dass der Pattern da ist, aber es ist auch, weißt du was, ich sage es auch, es gibt einen zusätzlichen Bereich hier. Ich denke, sie sind dumm auf professioneller Ebene.

I'm kind of blown away. I also think that there is familial patterns in our DNA that are so inherent that we don't even look at a lot of the time. Ja, du hast recht. Es ist so, dass der Pattern da ist, aber es ist auch, weißt du was, ich sage es auch, es gibt einen zusätzlichen Bereich hier. Ich denke, sie sind dumm auf professioneller Ebene.

Und ich würde sagen, manchmal gibt es professionelle Umstände. Ich weiß nicht, was dieses professionelle Umfeld ist, aber manchmal ist das nicht ein wahrer Entschuldigung. If he was a heart surgeon in that hospital and someone's like, hey, someone's heart is exploded. It's like, oh, well, I can save that life. Okay.

Und ich würde sagen, manchmal gibt es professionelle Umstände. Ich weiß nicht, was dieses professionelle Umfeld ist, aber manchmal ist das nicht ein wahrer Entschuldigung. If he was a heart surgeon in that hospital and someone's like, hey, someone's heart is exploded. It's like, oh, well, I can save that life. Okay.

Sometimes these Wall Street boys, sometimes these tech bros, the meeting is so important. And if it doesn't happen, then it won't happen. So I don't know the gravity of this.

Sometimes these Wall Street boys, sometimes these tech bros, the meeting is so important. And if it doesn't happen, then it won't happen. So I don't know the gravity of this.

Du kannst nur da sitzen, als es passiert.

Du kannst nur da sitzen, als es passiert.

Ich sollte nur sagen, dass es schmerzt. Eine Sache, die ich arbeite, ist... Ich mache gerade das, was ich sage, dass ich nicht mache. Anstatt Tipps zu geben, werde ich eine persönliche Geschichte erzählen, wie ich so etwas erlebt habe, damit sie etwas finden können. Relate. Ich relate in irgendeiner Art und Weise. Aber wenn ich online lese, ist das nicht immer hilfreich.

Ich sollte nur sagen, dass es schmerzt. Eine Sache, die ich arbeite, ist... Ich mache gerade das, was ich sage, dass ich nicht mache. Anstatt Tipps zu geben, werde ich eine persönliche Geschichte erzählen, wie ich so etwas erlebt habe, damit sie etwas finden können. Relate. Ich relate in irgendeiner Art und Weise. Aber wenn ich online lese, ist das nicht immer hilfreich.

Und manchmal ist wirklich nichts das Beste. Zumindest lese ich, Bitch.

Und manchmal ist wirklich nichts das Beste. Zumindest lese ich, Bitch.

Schieß Dagger. Nein, es hat dich nur eine Weile gedauert, um da zu kommen, und es war Spaß. Holy shit, bro. Now you know how I feel every day.

Schieß Dagger. Nein, es hat dich nur eine Weile gedauert, um da zu kommen, und es war Spaß. Holy shit, bro. Now you know how I feel every day.

Okay. I like this. If everyone else is in the same dress, you're the asshole. I like this.

Okay. I like this. If everyone else is in the same dress, you're the asshole. I like this.

There's a discrepancy where... Sie sagten, dass sie nicht mal auf das Dress gesucht wurde, was ihre Meinung auf das Dress war. Aber sie wurde gesucht. Sie hat Bilder von drei Dressen und dem, den sie gekauft hat, gesendet. Und die Schwester sagte, ja, ich mag das auch. Also wurde sie gesucht.

There's a discrepancy where... Sie sagten, dass sie nicht mal auf das Dress gesucht wurde, was ihre Meinung auf das Dress war. Aber sie wurde gesucht. Sie hat Bilder von drei Dressen und dem, den sie gekauft hat, gesendet. Und die Schwester sagte, ja, ich mag das auch. Also wurde sie gesucht.

It is also like, it should have been like, okay, can we choose this dress over the infinity dress? Why is her opinion more valid than mine?

It is also like, it should have been like, okay, can we choose this dress over the infinity dress? Why is her opinion more valid than mine?

Und deshalb ist das Teil in der Geschichte.

Und deshalb ist das Teil in der Geschichte.

Auch der Preis für diese Beziehung, der Preis für das Gebäude ist jetzt, wie du in einem Kleid aussiehst. Das scheint mir nicht wert zu sein.

Auch der Preis für diese Beziehung, der Preis für das Gebäude ist jetzt, wie du in einem Kleid aussiehst. Das scheint mir nicht wert zu sein.

There's also this sense of, I get it, it's your wedding. But what I will also say is you're trying to control other people. Like you're telling them that they're in their wedding, but you're trying to control what other people are putting on their bodies, how they're being presented. And that traditional wedding vibe I don't fuck with that. And that's fair.

There's also this sense of, I get it, it's your wedding. But what I will also say is you're trying to control other people. Like you're telling them that they're in their wedding, but you're trying to control what other people are putting on their bodies, how they're being presented. And that traditional wedding vibe I don't fuck with that. And that's fair.

I get that they're going to be standing up there. They're not dolls. They are real people with real emotions that you love and care about. And you should be able to have an open, honest communication. And they should be able to wear what they want to wear at your wedding.

I get that they're going to be standing up there. They're not dolls. They are real people with real emotions that you love and care about. And you should be able to have an open, honest communication. And they should be able to wear what they want to wear at your wedding.

It is! You said you wouldn't. You did. Now you faint, bitch.

It is! You said you wouldn't. You did. Now you faint, bitch.

Es gibt eine Million verschiedene. Als eine Option, die ich wählen könnte.

Es gibt eine Million verschiedene. Als eine Option, die ich wählen könnte.

Es ist so gut. Und es ist so nachgedacht. Es ist Megamind-Schiss. Und ich liebe es.

Es ist so gut. Und es ist so nachgedacht. Es ist Megamind-Schiss. Und ich liebe es.

Du wählst einfach eine Farbe und versuchst, dass alle so nah sind.

Du wählst einfach eine Farbe und versuchst, dass alle so nah sind.

Das ist nicht das, worum es hier geht. Ich hasse es, wenn Leute mir sagen, was ich zum Geburtstag tragen soll. Ich war ein Jahr in sechs Geburtstagen. Ich hatte exotische Farben. Aber ich habe immer den Bruder gefragt. Aber einer von ihnen sagte mir, dass ich das nicht tragen kann. Es war nichts verrücktes, aber meine Familie ist etwas konservativer.

Das ist nicht das, worum es hier geht. Ich hasse es, wenn Leute mir sagen, was ich zum Geburtstag tragen soll. Ich war ein Jahr in sechs Geburtstagen. Ich hatte exotische Farben. Aber ich habe immer den Bruder gefragt. Aber einer von ihnen sagte mir, dass ich das nicht tragen kann. Es war nichts verrücktes, aber meine Familie ist etwas konservativer.

Ich dachte mir, das ist nicht mal ein guter Grund. Ich war nicht mal in der Geburtstagsparty. Ich wollte nur das teilen. Das ist okay. Und ich sah so heiß aus. Es war so ein guter Schuh.

Ich dachte mir, das ist nicht mal ein guter Grund. Ich war nicht mal in der Geburtstagsparty. Ich wollte nur das teilen. Das ist okay. Und ich sah so heiß aus. Es war so ein guter Schuh.

Das ist großartig. Das ist großartig.

Das ist großartig. Das ist großartig.

Das ist, was sie bekommt. Und es gibt Risiken. Du kannst nicht einfach jemanden in den Gesicht schieben.

Das ist, was sie bekommt. Und es gibt Risiken. Du kannst nicht einfach jemanden in den Gesicht schieben.

I will say, the things we hate in other people are most often the things we hate in ourselves.

I will say, the things we hate in other people are most often the things we hate in ourselves.

Their interests, but she's like, she does too many pre-parties. Bitch, you're going to Italy and you had a full renaissance fair. That's so true. You're putting it on her. You don't like what you're doing. They are the same. And you're saying, she's crazy. And you think Bride Squad? No, she's upstaging you and you're scared. A new Supreme is coming and you feel your power draining.

Their interests, but she's like, she does too many pre-parties. Bitch, you're going to Italy and you had a full renaissance fair. That's so true. You're putting it on her. You don't like what you're doing. They are the same. And you're saying, she's crazy. And you think Bride Squad? No, she's upstaging you and you're scared. A new Supreme is coming and you feel your power draining.

Yeah, I'm showing up for you the way you didn't show up for me.

Yeah, I'm showing up for you the way you didn't show up for me.

That is the best way.

That is the best way.

Niemand isst das Kuchen.

Niemand isst das Kuchen.

Oh no, girl, give it up. Grow up, move on.

Oh no, girl, give it up. Grow up, move on.

Absolut. Absolut. Lern deine fucking Lektion. Pattern, Shane, Pattern. Oh mein Gott. Du brechst entweder frei oder du machst immer das gleiche.

Absolut. Absolut. Lern deine fucking Lektion. Pattern, Shane, Pattern. Oh mein Gott. Du brechst entweder frei oder du machst immer das gleiche.

Und es ist auch so wie, Emma, wach dich auf. Sie ist nicht der Grund, warum dein Verheirat zerfallen ist. Dein Verheirat war bereits zerfallen.

Und es ist auch so wie, Emma, wach dich auf. Sie ist nicht der Grund, warum dein Verheirat zerfallen ist. Dein Verheirat war bereits zerfallen.

It's exactly what they needed to hear. It is exactly what was supposed to happen.

It's exactly what they needed to hear. It is exactly what was supposed to happen.

Du warst nicht der insidierende Fälle. Ich meine, ich war es. Nein, das Ding war bereit, zu tippen. Ja, es war bereit, zu tippen, aber es brauchte nur noch einen kleinen Druck. Und ich war auch...

Du warst nicht der insidierende Fälle. Ich meine, ich war es. Nein, das Ding war bereit, zu tippen. Ja, es war bereit, zu tippen, aber es brauchte nur noch einen kleinen Druck. Und ich war auch...

Es gibt so viele Dinge, die ich glaube, wir müssen sie zurückladen. Er hat schon gesagt, du sollst das nicht machen. Er hat gesagt, du hast ein Problem, du sollst das nicht machen. Okay, ich glaube nicht, dass sie gesagt hat, dieser Junge sieht so aus wie du. Ich glaube, sie sagt, oh, er sieht so aus wie du. Oh, sie hat das gesagt. Er sieht so aus wie du. Ja, na gut, du hast einfach angefangen.

Es gibt so viele Dinge, die ich glaube, wir müssen sie zurückladen. Er hat schon gesagt, du sollst das nicht machen. Er hat gesagt, du hast ein Problem, du sollst das nicht machen. Okay, ich glaube nicht, dass sie gesagt hat, dieser Junge sieht so aus wie du. Ich glaube, sie sagt, oh, er sieht so aus wie du. Oh, sie hat das gesagt. Er sieht so aus wie du. Ja, na gut, du hast einfach angefangen.

Wir mussten im Pool sein. Wir mussten im Pool sein, weil wir wussten, warum sie dieses Lachen machte. Ich dachte, wir spielen World Domination. Wir mussten nicht wissen, was World Domination ist. Wir mussten nicht wissen, was World Domination ist. Ich denke an alle Toys. Wie viele Toys haben wir? Wir mussten nicht wissen, was dein Sohn ist. Wir mussten nicht wissen, was dein Sohn ist.

Wir mussten im Pool sein. Wir mussten im Pool sein, weil wir wussten, warum sie dieses Lachen machte. Ich dachte, wir spielen World Domination. Wir mussten nicht wissen, was World Domination ist. Wir mussten nicht wissen, was World Domination ist. Ich denke an alle Toys. Wie viele Toys haben wir? Wir mussten nicht wissen, was dein Sohn ist. Wir mussten nicht wissen, was dein Sohn ist.

Wir mussten nicht wissen, was dein Sohn ist.

Wir mussten nicht wissen, was dein Sohn ist.

Er ist nach Hause eingeschult. Ich habe keine Ahnung. Also was?

Er ist nach Hause eingeschult. Ich habe keine Ahnung. Also was?

Oh my god. I hope we go back to the pool.

Oh my god. I hope we go back to the pool.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Emma has lost it. A ton of layers. Yeah. Wow. Emma needs to get... Thank god he said that. It unveiled a whole conspiracy.

Emma has lost it. A ton of layers. Yeah. Wow. Emma needs to get... Thank god he said that. It unveiled a whole conspiracy.

Er macht es real.

Er macht es real.

Ich fühle mich wirklich schlecht für diese Frau.

Ich fühle mich wirklich schlecht für diese Frau.

You know what I mean?

You know what I mean?

Und es ist ihr Geburtstag. Ja.

Und es ist ihr Geburtstag. Ja.

Who, why is Scottsdale? That is so random. You can get a really big Airbnb in Scottsdale. Okay. And there's so much land and there's pool.

Who, why is Scottsdale? That is so random. You can get a really big Airbnb in Scottsdale. Okay. And there's so much land and there's pool.

And then you miss bride, get the Airbnb, you plan the trip and tell the bridesmaids where we get to celebrate.

And then you miss bride, get the Airbnb, you plan the trip and tell the bridesmaids where we get to celebrate.

Or she's assuming that the bride is going to put all the work on her. Yes, exactly. It's sounding like that though, right? So then, then I kind of understand. I don't think they've gotten to that point yet. True.

Or she's assuming that the bride is going to put all the work on her. Yes, exactly. It's sounding like that though, right? So then, then I kind of understand. I don't think they've gotten to that point yet. True.

And it's just dangerous territory heralding it

And it's just dangerous territory heralding it

True.

True.

Ich mag es auch nicht, wenn die Bridesmaids oder die Brüder mit ihnen zusammen stehen. Ich bin so, lass mich sitzen. Für manche ist es wirklich süß. Für manche liebe ich es. Lass mich einfach sitzen. Es geht nicht um mich. Du gehst deine Zeremonien machen.

Ich mag es auch nicht, wenn die Bridesmaids oder die Brüder mit ihnen zusammen stehen. Ich bin so, lass mich sitzen. Für manche ist es wirklich süß. Für manche liebe ich es. Lass mich einfach sitzen. Es geht nicht um mich. Du gehst deine Zeremonien machen.

Und ich bin in der vorderen Runde, weil du mich in der vorderen Runde gerettet hast.

Und ich bin in der vorderen Runde, weil du mich in der vorderen Runde gerettet hast.

Aber egal.

Aber egal.

Familien in der zweiten Runde, gewählte Familien in der ersten Runde.

Familien in der zweiten Runde, gewählte Familien in der ersten Runde.

Oh, right, my bad, my bad, my bad.

Oh, right, my bad, my bad, my bad.

Hey, babe, we need to talk. You grabbed a random man's ice cream. Why?

Hey, babe, we need to talk. You grabbed a random man's ice cream. Why?

He felt the spirit. I do believe him that, I believe the YouTube prank. There is some reality in which I can believe a guy was like, a 28-year-old straight male is like, this will be funny. And then it turns out not to be funny, but it seems like it's such an era of like jackass humor that isn't around anymore. Yeah, and there's nobody filming it.

He felt the spirit. I do believe him that, I believe the YouTube prank. There is some reality in which I can believe a guy was like, a 28-year-old straight male is like, this will be funny. And then it turns out not to be funny, but it seems like it's such an era of like jackass humor that isn't around anymore. Yeah, and there's nobody filming it.

I was just about to say, there's no one there to react or capture the moment.

I was just about to say, there's no one there to react or capture the moment.

And you have to tell her if you want, if she's the audience, you have to be like, I'm about to do a prank. Yeah. which it will set it up, and then there's expectations there, and then she's like, oh, this is not funny, but I now know what's going on. Right.

And you have to tell her if you want, if she's the audience, you have to be like, I'm about to do a prank. Yeah. which it will set it up, and then there's expectations there, and then she's like, oh, this is not funny, but I now know what's going on. Right.

There's no way, there's no way. That to me says like, you had a break in your consciousness. Like you had a blackout and you are, that is like possession. Like you were possessed by something otherworldly. It does happen to people. Oh my god.

There's no way, there's no way. That to me says like, you had a break in your consciousness. Like you had a blackout and you are, that is like possession. Like you were possessed by something otherworldly. It does happen to people. Oh my god.

But also, why not tell her before? Or why do you have to do it with her? Go do it by yourself.

But also, why not tell her before? Or why do you have to do it with her? Go do it by yourself.

I just feel bad for her, like she deserved to know.

I just feel bad for her, like she deserved to know.

No, it was incredibly selfish of him. She should have been like, oh my god, let me buy you a new ice cream. I don't know what just happened.

No, it was incredibly selfish of him. She should have been like, oh my god, let me buy you a new ice cream. I don't know what just happened.

They're still together? Yeah.

They're still together? Yeah.

She's dating a 24-year-old?

She's dating a 24-year-old?

100%.

100%.

There's also this element of... He said he poured his heart out to this guy. He's like, this is what I want, this is what I want. And the guy said no. That's it. You can't control other people. You can say what you want, but you can't make other people do something they don't wanna do, period.

There's also this element of... He said he poured his heart out to this guy. He's like, this is what I want, this is what I want. And the guy said no. That's it. You can't control other people. You can say what you want, but you can't make other people do something they don't wanna do, period.

And it's like, would you feel comfortable calling me dad? Because that's something I would like. That's how you offer that thing.

And it's like, would you feel comfortable calling me dad? Because that's something I would like. That's how you offer that thing.

It would just rip in half. You can do yours now if you want to.

It would just rip in half. You can do yours now if you want to.

Why are they putting up with this? Why are they not communicating like, hey, we don't need you to be a dad. We don't like how you treat us. Just be here with us as you and we'll be us. It really seems that simple, no? That's all it takes. He's like, come on, let's roughhouse, and they just beat the shit out of him. I'm also picturing this guy really short, like really little.

Why are they putting up with this? Why are they not communicating like, hey, we don't need you to be a dad. We don't like how you treat us. Just be here with us as you and we'll be us. It really seems that simple, no? That's all it takes. He's like, come on, let's roughhouse, and they just beat the shit out of him. I'm also picturing this guy really short, like really little.

I can't help but picture him as the chosen.

I can't help but picture him as the chosen.

Are we sure he doesn't know? Yes, that's what I was gonna ask.

Are we sure he doesn't know? Yes, that's what I was gonna ask.

If he has got magazine articles, he's got all this shit, he knows he was married to someone. Yeah. This dude knows. If he's a die hard. He's a die hard. He's like, I wanna, I wanna kiss the girl that he kissed. No, no. He's got to know. But also, she should have told him right then, right there. Because also, he knows. She should have been like, oh, he definitely knows this guy.

If he has got magazine articles, he's got all this shit, he knows he was married to someone. Yeah. This dude knows. If he's a die hard. He's a die hard. He's like, I wanna, I wanna kiss the girl that he kissed. No, no. He's got to know. But also, she should have told him right then, right there. Because also, he knows. She should have been like, oh, he definitely knows this guy.

Are you paying, are you doing that? God. You're providing, you're dad, yeah, you pay now.

Are you paying, are you doing that? God. You're providing, you're dad, yeah, you pay now.

You just need to keep it separate. Just go get married and keep the kids out of that. Yeah.

You just need to keep it separate. Just go get married and keep the kids out of that. Yeah.

A second update? A second update.

A second update? A second update.

10?

10?

It's just the delusion is so... The delusion was palpable in that one. Yeah. That was... At least he's consistent, I guess. And persistent. And a lot more than a lot of fathers are. Wow.

It's just the delusion is so... The delusion was palpable in that one. Yeah. That was... At least he's consistent, I guess. And persistent. And a lot more than a lot of fathers are. Wow.

I hope someday. I mean, if we're playing devil's advocate, the 35-year-old didn't let him get him a chance. He didn't even get a chance.

I hope someday. I mean, if we're playing devil's advocate, the 35-year-old didn't let him get him a chance. He didn't even get a chance.

Your father died, and this could be your new father.

Your father died, and this could be your new father.

He probably knows who I am. Right then, right there, get it over with, rip off the bandaid.

He probably knows who I am. Right then, right there, get it over with, rip off the bandaid.

I was about to.

I was about to.

I won't do it again.

I won't do it again.

Oh, I'm into that. I get a day wife and a night wife.

Oh, I'm into that. I get a day wife and a night wife.

It is not like you are physically cheating, but if you are consciously making this choice in your dream, it makes me feel like you're, I mean, you are making the choice actively, which makes me feel like if the opportunity presented itself would you make the choice in real life? Because you're consciously choosing to do it. You're already like practicing making that choice.

It is not like you are physically cheating, but if you are consciously making this choice in your dream, it makes me feel like you're, I mean, you are making the choice actively, which makes me feel like if the opportunity presented itself would you make the choice in real life? Because you're consciously choosing to do it. You're already like practicing making that choice.

They're literally practicing.

They're literally practicing.

I have a question. Can you date another person if you're not over, like if you haven't gotten, like?

I have a question. Can you date another person if you're not over, like if you haven't gotten, like?

You weren't? Yeah. What kept you? You practiced, you said you practiced lucid dreaming in order to do this.

You weren't? Yeah. What kept you? You practiced, you said you practiced lucid dreaming in order to do this.

He's like, okay, time for bed. He's like, oh boy, it's 8 p.m. It's like popping melatonin. Yeah.

He's like, okay, time for bed. He's like, oh boy, it's 8 p.m. It's like popping melatonin. Yeah.

Wow. Wow. Birth from my head, like Zeus to Athena. Okay. Night wife. Oh my god. Night wife.

Wow. Wow. Birth from my head, like Zeus to Athena. Okay. Night wife. Oh my god. Night wife.

I'm glad your dream practice sessions worked, my guy. Like, congratulations. You got exactly what you wanted. Dude, give me a break. Yeah. It also... It also just might be his delusion, too. He said the conversation ended, you're right, it may not have been as good as we think.

I'm glad your dream practice sessions worked, my guy. Like, congratulations. You got exactly what you wanted. Dude, give me a break. Yeah. It also... It also just might be his delusion, too. He said the conversation ended, you're right, it may not have been as good as we think.

Yeah, no, he's like, finally, yes, I can't, something's gonna blossom from this, I can just tell, the universe is working, and all she said was like, okay, my condolences, and that's it.

Yeah, no, he's like, finally, yes, I can't, something's gonna blossom from this, I can just tell, the universe is working, and all she said was like, okay, my condolences, and that's it.

I'm gonna give that one an eight.

I'm gonna give that one an eight.

Yeah, no, I'm giving it an eight because it was dream and it wasn't real.

Yeah, no, I'm giving it an eight because it was dream and it wasn't real.

Worse?

Worse?

That's great.

That's great.

Now, see, this is what I was waiting for. Here's a 10.

Now, see, this is what I was waiting for. Here's a 10.

Here, my friends, we've made it.

Here, my friends, we've made it.

It's a one-to-one scale puppet version of my boyfriend.

It's a one-to-one scale puppet version of my boyfriend.

He knows, how else can he get all that shit? Which does make it freaky that he hasn't brought it up to her, maybe, once he showed it. But also, it's like, I'm gonna show you this. Like, do you have anything to say about this?

He knows, how else can he get all that shit? Which does make it freaky that he hasn't brought it up to her, maybe, once he showed it. But also, it's like, I'm gonna show you this. Like, do you have anything to say about this?

He drank us under the floor.

He drank us under the floor.

The Muppet also had a little bit broader shoulders, had a huge cough.

The Muppet also had a little bit broader shoulders, had a huge cough.

A better job, yeah. He was a doctor. I put a voice box in it and it asked me how I'm doing.

A better job, yeah. He was a doctor. I put a voice box in it and it asked me how I'm doing.

Let us see the puppet. I would like to see the puppet. Now this is gonna matter because how sexy is this puppet? Okay, okay. Okay, this is.

Let us see the puppet. I would like to see the puppet. Now this is gonna matter because how sexy is this puppet? Okay, okay. Okay, this is.

Oh no, okay, so update. She made it really ugly. It's really ugly. It's a really ugly doll. The eyes are like bloodshot. The mustache is like strings and it's like, yeah, the teeth are buck teeth. Yeah, it's terrifying.

Oh no, okay, so update. She made it really ugly. It's really ugly. It's a really ugly doll. The eyes are like bloodshot. The mustache is like strings and it's like, yeah, the teeth are buck teeth. Yeah, it's terrifying.

Like, whoa. That was rough. That's real rough. But in other news, it's not sexy. I actually think it's the flip of what we thought.

Like, whoa. That was rough. That's real rough. But in other news, it's not sexy. I actually think it's the flip of what we thought.

It's brutal. He probably felt really bad about himself. I can't believe she uploaded a picture of the puppet.

It's brutal. He probably felt really bad about himself. I can't believe she uploaded a picture of the puppet.

People get crazy in love.

People get crazy in love.

Yeah, you're married.

Yeah, you're married.

Also, Carrie from Sex and the City says, friends who set friends up with other friends are the most evil people on the planet. So this girl, I don't know who, she has not been mentioned, but Miss Girly Thing, who's ever setting her up, she was doing some nefarious shit, I bet. Two weeks ago, I met a guy through a friend.

Also, Carrie from Sex and the City says, friends who set friends up with other friends are the most evil people on the planet. So this girl, I don't know who, she has not been mentioned, but Miss Girly Thing, who's ever setting her up, she was doing some nefarious shit, I bet. Two weeks ago, I met a guy through a friend.

Well, maybe it was not specifically sex. Okay.

Well, maybe it was not specifically sex. Okay.

Yeah, maybe. Maybe that's nice. All right, fair. I just feel like it's- Not everyone likes sex. There's a lot of sides out there.

Yeah, maybe. Maybe that's nice. All right, fair. I just feel like it's- Not everyone likes sex. There's a lot of sides out there.

Okay, there, this is making me realize there is someone for everyone. You are not alone.

Okay, there, this is making me realize there is someone for everyone. You are not alone.

Yeah, that's true. Exactly. That is so gorgeous. That is a very sweet story.

Yeah, that's true. Exactly. That is so gorgeous. That is a very sweet story.

Yeah. It wasn't a sex thing. Yeah. Sorry, a Devil's Tango thing. The Devil's Tango. Devil's Tango.

Yeah. It wasn't a sex thing. Yeah. Sorry, a Devil's Tango thing. The Devil's Tango. Devil's Tango.

Well, honey, that's the beauty of the gaycation.

Well, honey, that's the beauty of the gaycation.

Anything goes and nothing counts there.

Anything goes and nothing counts there.

Okay, but you're in the water. You're not observing the fishes. You're on the vacation.

Okay, but you're in the water. You're not observing the fishes. You're on the vacation.

Yeah, like you're a fish. You're a fish. He might not be a fish. He might not be a fish. But he's swimming with the fishes, yes. He might not be a fish, but he's definitely paddling in the water. Right. I will say, I have been out, I've lived in West Hollywood for a long time. For those who don't know West Hollywood, it's a super gay place. It is gay everywhere. It's gay everywhere.

Yeah, like you're a fish. You're a fish. He might not be a fish. He might not be a fish. But he's swimming with the fishes, yes. He might not be a fish, but he's definitely paddling in the water. Right. I will say, I have been out, I've lived in West Hollywood for a long time. For those who don't know West Hollywood, it's a super gay place. It is gay everywhere. It's gay everywhere.

And going out there, there's a whole strip of 17 bars that are all gay bars. And living there for six or I've lived there for three years and specifically in West Hollywood. But living there, there have been so many people who have their straight friends come visit or come move here.

And going out there, there's a whole strip of 17 bars that are all gay bars. And living there for six or I've lived there for three years and specifically in West Hollywood. But living there, there have been so many people who have their straight friends come visit or come move here.

And they will be in our friend group and they will come out with us and they will go out and be a part of our group. But they are straight and they'll get hit on and it'll happen. And sometimes sometimes they might even go home with a person. They'll experiment. It's very normal. It's a normal thing. You can go, you can experiment. And then they're like, yeah, that actually wasn't my thing.

And they will be in our friend group and they will come out with us and they will go out and be a part of our group. But they are straight and they'll get hit on and it'll happen. And sometimes sometimes they might even go home with a person. They'll experiment. It's very normal. It's a normal thing. You can go, you can experiment. And then they're like, yeah, that actually wasn't my thing.

I am straight. And then everyone's like, oh, there's a stigma of people who are like, no, you're not. You're not straight anymore because you did that thing. Well, I did that thing. I didn't like it. And now I know what I like. Right. There's nothing wrong with figuring that out. I just wanted to say that before we get into this. Totally. Because she's like, well, he's gay.

I am straight. And then everyone's like, oh, there's a stigma of people who are like, no, you're not. You're not straight anymore because you did that thing. Well, I did that thing. I didn't like it. And now I know what I like. Right. There's nothing wrong with figuring that out. I just wanted to say that before we get into this. Totally. Because she's like, well, he's gay.

And everyone listening is probably like, well, he's gay. That's a gay man.

And everyone listening is probably like, well, he's gay. That's a gay man.

No, he doesn't.

No, he doesn't.

He could be straight and wants to experiment still. He's like, oh, that's something that I want to try. And then he might like it. He might not.

He could be straight and wants to experiment still. He's like, oh, that's something that I want to try. And then he might like it. He might not.

That's the beauty of the gaycation. She described it as an orgy poster, but it might just be a bunch of half-naked men.

That's the beauty of the gaycation. She described it as an orgy poster, but it might just be a bunch of half-naked men.

No, this is stalker shit.

No, this is stalker shit.

But it's also, he's looking at her through the lens of his idol. He's not even looking at her for her. Right.

But it's also, he's looking at her through the lens of his idol. He's not even looking at her for her. Right.

He did add body to that, but it's like, I'm picturing gay as in, like, happiness, going, dancing. I have a whole different experience. But he's just gonna be gay in that time period. Yeah. Yeah. You can be gay without having sex. I know. Look at us right now. I'm not fucking anyone right now. I know, but right now, I'm not fucking anyone. And I'm still gay.

He did add body to that, but it's like, I'm picturing gay as in, like, happiness, going, dancing. I have a whole different experience. But he's just gonna be gay in that time period. Yeah. Yeah. You can be gay without having sex. I know. Look at us right now. I'm not fucking anyone right now. I know, but right now, I'm not fucking anyone. And I'm still gay.

But like, you can go be, being gay, it's a spirit. It is, it's an energy. It's not just like. And that's the beauty of the gaycation. That's the beauty of the gaycation.

But like, you can go be, being gay, it's a spirit. It is, it's an energy. It's not just like. And that's the beauty of the gaycation. That's the beauty of the gaycation.

Out of a little straw with an umbrella. Yes. You can do gay out the sec. You can just go be like, just go be gay for a night. Go dance. Go to your local gay bar and be gay for a night.

Out of a little straw with an umbrella. Yes. You can do gay out the sec. You can just go be like, just go be gay for a night. Go dance. Go to your local gay bar and be gay for a night.

Damn you.

Damn you.

Most caissons are straight caissons. Why can't she go with him?

Most caissons are straight caissons. Why can't she go with him?

And then if he's, no, she can just go on. No. No. But if she goes with him and if he's being honest about being straight, then he has someone to hook up with. He gets to go do the thing and you get someone that you love that you're married to to go have sex with. Well, she should go with him. I'm into that. I'm like, she should go be gay too. This is the resolution. Yeah.

And then if he's, no, she can just go on. No. No. But if she goes with him and if he's being honest about being straight, then he has someone to hook up with. He gets to go do the thing and you get someone that you love that you're married to to go have sex with. Well, she should go with him. I'm into that. I'm like, she should go be gay too. This is the resolution. Yeah.

This is our answer to the story. Wouldn't that be so much more fun if you're straight to go on a gaycation with your wife? Yeah.

This is our answer to the story. Wouldn't that be so much more fun if you're straight to go on a gaycation with your wife? Yeah.

I'm just so mad. I'm not mad, but I'm just like... I just want more communication.

I'm just so mad. I'm not mad, but I'm just like... I just want more communication.

I need to know what is happening. Because I have never heard of this in my life. And it also sounds like someone has sold him on this gaycation. The brother-in-law.

I need to know what is happening. Because I have never heard of this in my life. And it also sounds like someone has sold him on this gaycation. The brother-in-law.

Anyways, update. Okay, let's fucking ride.

Anyways, update. Okay, let's fucking ride.

Okay, I am really hoping, I'm really hoping that he is straight and just wanted to go have fun. That's my hope.

Okay, I am really hoping, I'm really hoping that he is straight and just wanted to go have fun. That's my hope.

Wow, I am so disappointed in this dude. Yeah. Yeah. And I feel sad.

Wow, I am so disappointed in this dude. Yeah. Yeah. And I feel sad.

And he had an out. Well, he's been doing it for a long time, but she asked him, she was like, I still love you, but we need to figure this out right now. Like what you're talking about, like I'm your wife of 16 years, now this is the time to figure it out and talk with me, communicate. And he didn't do that, which it is a lot of pressure and it's a lot.

And he had an out. Well, he's been doing it for a long time, but she asked him, she was like, I still love you, but we need to figure this out right now. Like what you're talking about, like I'm your wife of 16 years, now this is the time to figure it out and talk with me, communicate. And he didn't do that, which it is a lot of pressure and it's a lot.

And it's the only way to do it without blowing up.

And it's the only way to do it without blowing up.

Just come out. Just come out. It's like, it's a hard... Oh, it's so hard to do. Just do it. Just start talking about it. Well, that's the block. That's the block.

Just come out. Just come out. It's like, it's a hard... Oh, it's so hard to do. Just do it. Just start talking about it. Well, that's the block. That's the block.

It's sad.

It's sad.

It's also like, ugh. I hate this guy going to Greece and then taking advantage of all these gay people too. It's like, I'm straight and I'm just gonna do it here and then it won't count. No strings attached. What? Fuck off.

It's also like, ugh. I hate this guy going to Greece and then taking advantage of all these gay people too. It's like, I'm straight and I'm just gonna do it here and then it won't count. No strings attached. What? Fuck off.

Yeah. That is like Megamind crazy shit. That is like the Joker planning a giant Gotham extravagant shit.

Yeah. That is like Megamind crazy shit. That is like the Joker planning a giant Gotham extravagant shit.

It's also like, Putting, I get it kind of, but it's like putting, if you're going for someone specifically, you need to go to that person, not go around them.

It's also like, Putting, I get it kind of, but it's like putting, if you're going for someone specifically, you need to go to that person, not go around them.

If you don't know what you're going to, I think it's okay to cast a wide net, meet some people, like you're like, I'm not sure about this person, meet them, then they show you their people, and then you just kind of, that's what networking is. It's kind of like...

If you don't know what you're going to, I think it's okay to cast a wide net, meet some people, like you're like, I'm not sure about this person, meet them, then they show you their people, and then you just kind of, that's what networking is. It's kind of like...

of getting to other people. And that's never okay. He's got an end goal.

of getting to other people. And that's never okay. He's got an end goal.

And he was never interested in her either.

And he was never interested in her either.

Well, I think, yeah, I guess her husband is a celebrity, so she might not have to be that paranoid.

Well, I think, yeah, I guess her husband is a celebrity, so she might not have to be that paranoid.

Well, because they get all their anger out in their music. They're like, ah!

Well, because they get all their anger out in their music. They're like, ah!

Yeah, that's scary. That's like a stalker, like straight up.

Yeah, that's scary. That's like a stalker, like straight up.

Does it happen often to you? No. It's happened twice to me, and it's not a deal breaker. Really? Really. It depends on the level. If they pretend like they don't, and then I found out they did, and they're like, I actually, then that weirds me out.

Does it happen often to you? No. It's happened twice to me, and it's not a deal breaker. Really? Really. It depends on the level. If they pretend like they don't, and then I found out they did, and they're like, I actually, then that weirds me out.

Because it's kind of like, oh, you know the mask that I've put out. Would you like to get to know the person under it?

Because it's kind of like, oh, you know the mask that I've put out. Would you like to get to know the person under it?

There's levels to it. I'll also say my sun sign and my rising sign are the same. So it's very easy for me because I feel like the mask that I put out is also what I identify with.

There's levels to it. I'll also say my sun sign and my rising sign are the same. So it's very easy for me because I feel like the mask that I put out is also what I identify with.

And that, I think, is inherently a problem. Shane, I think I'm so crazy broken right now. Because I'm like, at least they're coming after me. At least someone is putting in some freaking effort. Wow, you went out of your way to track me down and find me? Yeah, let's go to dinner.

And that, I think, is inherently a problem. Shane, I think I'm so crazy broken right now. Because I'm like, at least they're coming after me. At least someone is putting in some freaking effort. Wow, you went out of your way to track me down and find me? Yeah, let's go to dinner.

I'm going to believe.

I'm going to believe.

I'm like, what is the blindfold for? I'm like, ooh, you're weird.

I'm like, what is the blindfold for? I'm like, ooh, you're weird.

Yeah, the 14-year-old, like, why are we giving them drinks? Like...

Yeah, the 14-year-old, like, why are we giving them drinks? Like...

I've had like be more attentive or like be nice before. Wow. The style differs place to place, right? And there are some places where the style of service is like, especially in Los Angeles, they don't want to talk to you. They don't really want to interact with their servers. They're just there to get their orders. And then some places, they're expecting a lot out of you.

I've had like be more attentive or like be nice before. Wow. The style differs place to place, right? And there are some places where the style of service is like, especially in Los Angeles, they don't want to talk to you. They don't really want to interact with their servers. They're just there to get their orders. And then some places, they're expecting a lot out of you.

They're like, I'm here to converse. I haven't been, I don't go out a lot. I'm here to have a good time and I want my server to be a part of that. And so when you're getting to a table, you have to vibe check so quickly, right? And a lot of the time, when I would greet a table, I would come in like cold, I would like, you decide what energy I'm gonna give you. Yeah, you're like neutral.

They're like, I'm here to converse. I haven't been, I don't go out a lot. I'm here to have a good time and I want my server to be a part of that. And so when you're getting to a table, you have to vibe check so quickly, right? And a lot of the time, when I would greet a table, I would come in like cold, I would like, you decide what energy I'm gonna give you. Yeah, you're like neutral.

And so if you give me like, I'll give you like, and sometimes I would get like, be nicer, be like, they wanted energy out of me, but I was like, I'm not gonna give you, you weren't giving me anything.

And so if you give me like, I'll give you like, and sometimes I would get like, be nicer, be like, they wanted energy out of me, but I was like, I'm not gonna give you, you weren't giving me anything.

I've been on a double for 12 hours working this show. Yeah. I need you to give, if you're not giving me, you don't need anything from me,

I've been on a double for 12 hours working this show. Yeah. I need you to give, if you're not giving me, you don't need anything from me,

And you have six different tables, so you have to remember the different energies of each table. It's like, this one I'm buddy-buddy with. This one doesn't really want to talk to me. This one's really difficult. Yeah.

And you have six different tables, so you have to remember the different energies of each table. It's like, this one I'm buddy-buddy with. This one doesn't really want to talk to me. This one's really difficult. Yeah.

There you go.

There you go.

Okay.

Okay.

Do you like that?

Do you like that?

I would suck. I would suck at it. And now you can work for the greatest company on earth, Amazon.

I would suck. I would suck at it. And now you can work for the greatest company on earth, Amazon.

They have to be. Who else is going to fix my pipes besides a plumber? Like they have...

They have to be. Who else is going to fix my pipes besides a plumber? Like they have...

I'm trying to think. I would be a terrible server. Yeah. I would be a terrible server. No, I don't think that's true. I don't think so. I think I'd be really bad. I think if you actually liked the place, if you actually felt passionately about the food and the drink... I guess that's also fair.

I'm trying to think. I would be a terrible server. Yeah. I would be a terrible server. No, I don't think that's true. I don't think so. I think I'd be really bad. I think if you actually liked the place, if you actually felt passionately about the food and the drink... I guess that's also fair.

Yes, because there was some restaurants that I really, really liked eating there. Like, I would bring dates there when I'm not working.

Yes, because there was some restaurants that I really, really liked eating there. Like, I would bring dates there when I'm not working.

Yeah, you can make great money as a server.

Yeah, you can make great money as a server.

Depending. Depending, depending. But the higher restaurants, nicer restaurants.

Depending. Depending, depending. But the higher restaurants, nicer restaurants.

And it sounds like he has nothing else to do.

And it sounds like he has nothing else to do.

Like, I don't know. My job is low? What job you got? Like, you ain't got a job, so I don't know how low you are now.

Like, I don't know. My job is low? What job you got? Like, you ain't got a job, so I don't know how low you are now.

It's all skilled.

It's all skilled.

No.

No.

All right, comments. I was that bitch who didn't write shit down.

All right, comments. I was that bitch who didn't write shit down.

I love that. Boom. That's awesome. And then I'm usually going straight. We didn't have these. Now they have these. You can do this shit. I wish I had that. I wish I had that bitch. God. But sorry that I called you a bitch, Jamie. But I would immediately get the order and I would run to the computer. I'm not going to any other tables. I'm just doing that order right then, getting it out of the way.

I love that. Boom. That's awesome. And then I'm usually going straight. We didn't have these. Now they have these. You can do this shit. I wish I had that. I wish I had that bitch. God. But sorry that I called you a bitch, Jamie. But I would immediately get the order and I would run to the computer. I'm not going to any other tables. I'm just doing that order right then, getting it out of the way.

The POS machine.

The POS machine.

Wow.

Wow.

That's awesome.

That's awesome.

Maybe it's... Handstand the whole time.

Maybe it's... Handstand the whole time.

Maybe the condition is that... fuck, he'd get to be a manager.

Maybe the condition is that... fuck, he'd get to be a manager.

She's right.

She's right.

I kind of, okay, I kind of see the thought process behind him a little bit in that, so my parents are servers and they sent me to college. I was a first generation college student. And they sent me to college because they wanted me to have a different life than they were able to make for themselves. They didn't want me to be waiting tables in restaurants.

I kind of, okay, I kind of see the thought process behind him a little bit in that, so my parents are servers and they sent me to college. I was a first generation college student. And they sent me to college because they wanted me to have a different life than they were able to make for themselves. They didn't want me to be waiting tables in restaurants.

They wanted me to have like a career, blah, blah, blah. So that's why I'm a comedian.

They wanted me to have like a career, blah, blah, blah. So that's why I'm a comedian.

Yeah, no. But so even, I had this overwhelming weight on my shoulders after graduating college and not being able to find many jobs as a comedian or in musical theater. So I had this huge weight from my parents where like, they did not want me to wait tables.

Yeah, no. But so even, I had this overwhelming weight on my shoulders after graduating college and not being able to find many jobs as a comedian or in musical theater. So I had this huge weight from my parents where like, they did not want me to wait tables.

Yeah, what the hell?

Yeah, what the hell?

This person is so entitled.

This person is so entitled.

Okay, that is fucking gross. That's awful. That is, who actually does that? That is nest. That scares me. But I feel like most people are not that indecent.

Okay, that is fucking gross. That's awful. That is, who actually does that? That is nest. That scares me. But I feel like most people are not that indecent.

And it's also like, if I saw someone, already, if I saw someone spit in a customer's food, I'd be like, you need to take that in the back, and you need to get them a new plate right now. That is absolutely crazy town. Yeah. That is crazy. And if chefs saw you do that, or if the people who just cooked that meal, they're like... So you just wasted my time? Yeah. Right.

And it's also like, if I saw someone, already, if I saw someone spit in a customer's food, I'd be like, you need to take that in the back, and you need to get them a new plate right now. That is absolutely crazy town. Yeah. That is crazy. And if chefs saw you do that, or if the people who just cooked that meal, they're like... So you just wasted my time? Yeah. Right.

No.

No.

And they ate it.

And they ate it.

You saw her spit in it.

You saw her spit in it.

Chili's, that's what I thought.

Chili's, that's what I thought.

It sounds like some Applebee's shit.

It sounds like some Applebee's shit.

And the stupid patron for not waiting a little hot sauce on your fries and potato. I liked it.

And the stupid patron for not waiting a little hot sauce on your fries and potato. I liked it.

Would you send the plate back?

Would you send the plate back?

No, I wouldn't either.

No, I wouldn't either.

Shane, I'm the same way.

Shane, I'm the same way.

If it's clearly the wrong dish, I'll be like, oh, I think this is the wrong one.

If it's clearly the wrong dish, I'll be like, oh, I think this is the wrong one.

And watch this, as the server, Once it hits the table, I'm not taking that shit anywhere else. Right, it's yours. If it's on the table, I'm leaving it. But a lot of servers will fucking take that shit. And I'm like, no, no, no, no. Once it's off the table, you're supposed to leave it there. You've got to leave it there.

And watch this, as the server, Once it hits the table, I'm not taking that shit anywhere else. Right, it's yours. If it's on the table, I'm leaving it. But a lot of servers will fucking take that shit. And I'm like, no, no, no, no. Once it's off the table, you're supposed to leave it there. You've got to leave it there.

You also bring, but you don't take shit off someone. If it goes on another customer's table, you leave that shit. It's a germ thing. Now it's theirs. And just give it to them. Right, or you'd be going and throwing it away. Or you'd be going and throwing it away. That's ridiculous.

You also bring, but you don't take shit off someone. If it goes on another customer's table, you leave that shit. It's a germ thing. Now it's theirs. And just give it to them. Right, or you'd be going and throwing it away. Or you'd be going and throwing it away. That's ridiculous.

I wouldn't have gotten out of the kitchen. If she did it in the kitchen...

I wouldn't have gotten out of the kitchen. If she did it in the kitchen...

I don't know how I would do it.

I don't know how I would do it.

Yeah, a raven, that's a raven situation.

Yeah, a raven, that's a raven situation.

And I poison the other one.

And I poison the other one.

You better hope you get my spit, baby. It's all right. It's all right.

You better hope you get my spit, baby. It's all right. It's all right.

And they're like, oh, no! Thank you. Okay.

And they're like, oh, no! Thank you. Okay.

My mom's rude customer.

My mom's rude customer.

Oh shit.

Oh shit.

The mom is 37, yeah.

The mom is 37, yeah.

Her partner's also a millionaire.

Her partner's also a millionaire.

Yeah, the power dynamic is not ideal.

Yeah, the power dynamic is not ideal.

But like, yeah, they do that. People do that. Something that I feel like a lot of people don't realize too is that a lot of places you tip out. So the servers spread their tips. They like tip out 6% of their tips. Or some places will do you do 6% of your sales. So whatever you sold, you're gonna tip out 6%. So that 20% tip is all of a sudden 14% of everything you made.

But like, yeah, they do that. People do that. Something that I feel like a lot of people don't realize too is that a lot of places you tip out. So the servers spread their tips. They like tip out 6% of their tips. Or some places will do you do 6% of your sales. So whatever you sold, you're gonna tip out 6%. So that 20% tip is all of a sudden 14% of everything you made.

Horrible. I'm also kind of big on, I mean, I care about manners and just like, I think most people care about manners.

Horrible. I'm also kind of big on, I mean, I care about manners and just like, I think most people care about manners.

And so like, there's also, this is a side note, there's also like, at a table, you need to be able to like, okay, I'm going a little hyper-specific here, but like, when there's water on the table, I'm gonna take the water, this is a little hyper-specific, but I'm gonna pour everyone's water first before I pour my own. It's just like, I don't know, and I think like,

And so like, there's also, this is a side note, there's also like, at a table, you need to be able to like, okay, I'm going a little hyper-specific here, but like, when there's water on the table, I'm gonna take the water, this is a little hyper-specific, but I'm gonna pour everyone's water first before I pour my own. It's just like, I don't know, and I think like,

at Korean barbecue and Japanese barbecue, you can tell a lot about someone too because you're sharing a meal and an experience and you're seeing how they, who are they giving meat to first? Are they putting it on their own plate? Are they turning it? Are they contributing? That's really interesting. I think about that and I just think, I think...

at Korean barbecue and Japanese barbecue, you can tell a lot about someone too because you're sharing a meal and an experience and you're seeing how they, who are they giving meat to first? Are they putting it on their own plate? Are they turning it? Are they contributing? That's really interesting. I think about that and I just think, I think...

a first date too, Korean barbecue or Japanese barbecue, bitch. You can tell so much about a person. Now are they gonna switch off who's cooking?

a first date too, Korean barbecue or Japanese barbecue, bitch. You can tell so much about a person. Now are they gonna switch off who's cooking?

Or leave them alone. If I'm dining by myself, I'm usually not trying to connect with the server. I'm just trying to sit. That's different. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no, but I'm saying, like, she's actively not disengaging. She's actively being rude and sarcastic to this person who's just trying to give her her meal.

Or leave them alone. If I'm dining by myself, I'm usually not trying to connect with the server. I'm just trying to sit. That's different. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no, but I'm saying, like, she's actively not disengaging. She's actively being rude and sarcastic to this person who's just trying to give her her meal.

But if you dine and dash and say your check was $200, I'm now tipping out 6% of what that would have been, what the tip would have been. So now it's just coming out of my personal money. So then you're owing money to even serve these tables.

But if you dine and dash and say your check was $200, I'm now tipping out 6% of what that would have been, what the tip would have been. So now it's just coming out of my personal money. So then you're owing money to even serve these tables.

Shit.

Shit.

Maybe she did, but it sounds like she doesn't care. What's it called when you think of a murder before you do it? Premeditated? You think she knew it was her mom and she went in? She was mean to her mom on purpose. That would be insane. She's like, I'm her mother now. Well? I can take care of her in ways you never could.

Maybe she did, but it sounds like she doesn't care. What's it called when you think of a murder before you do it? Premeditated? You think she knew it was her mom and she went in? She was mean to her mom on purpose. That would be insane. She's like, I'm her mother now. Well? I can take care of her in ways you never could.

Like a mother, like a good mother.

Like a mother, like a good mother.

So it'd be like $12 that I'd now have to pay for that table having eaten at my.

So it'd be like $12 that I'd now have to pay for that table having eaten at my.

Absolutely. As she already is. Or to control you. Absolutely.

Absolutely. As she already is. Or to control you. Absolutely.

And it's to get a rise out of her. Now she's going to say it because she feels like... Less than. She goes cornered and she's like, well, I have to prove that I'm old enough to just speak my mind.

And it's to get a rise out of her. Now she's going to say it because she feels like... Less than. She goes cornered and she's like, well, I have to prove that I'm old enough to just speak my mind.

Which is crazy town. Which is am I the devil shit?

Which is crazy town. Which is am I the devil shit?

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

It also felt like retribution for not wanting sex. Absolutely.

It also felt like retribution for not wanting sex. Absolutely.

Because that's all this 21-year-old kind of is to this woman, it seems.

Because that's all this 21-year-old kind of is to this woman, it seems.

The OP is an asshole now for not telling you.

The OP is an asshole now for not telling you.

Right, you need to go help your mom. You do. Telling the restaurant that she didn't share information, the girlfriend's not going to get in trouble. No.

Right, you need to go help your mom. You do. Telling the restaurant that she didn't share information, the girlfriend's not going to get in trouble. No.

It's so fucked up that she's so trapped. She's like, I'm living with her, she gives me jobs.

It's so fucked up that she's so trapped. She's like, I'm living with her, she gives me jobs.

I'm like, who's paying for my bill?

I'm like, who's paying for my bill?

That's so great. I've never had someone pay for my bill, but I've had a lot of drinks bought for me.

That's so great. I've never had someone pay for my bill, but I've had a lot of drinks bought for me.

I've had the bill comped because I had lobster tempura and I took a bite of the lobster and then I was chewing and then I was like, what the fuck? And out of my mouth, I pulled a rubber band. Oh. It was like in the tempura batter. Yikes. Whoa. It wasn't that gross, but it was still like. It was still like, whoa, I could have eaten a rubber band. I was like, oh God, I was just chewing on a. Yeah.

I've had the bill comped because I had lobster tempura and I took a bite of the lobster and then I was chewing and then I was like, what the fuck? And out of my mouth, I pulled a rubber band. Oh. It was like in the tempura batter. Yikes. Whoa. It wasn't that gross, but it was still like. It was still like, whoa, I could have eaten a rubber band. I was like, oh God, I was just chewing on a. Yeah.

Damn.

Damn.

A lot of big parties would just tip. It was already a 20% included, and they knew it, and they would just do another 20%. That's cool.

A lot of big parties would just tip. It was already a 20% included, and they knew it, and they would just do another 20%. That's cool.

That's really cool.

That's really cool.

And I'm very glad we ended on this and not the other story. This was great. Also, I want to know the woman that he's with story. I know. Who is she? I know. Besides the skinny legend. I know.

And I'm very glad we ended on this and not the other story. This was great. Also, I want to know the woman that he's with story. I know. Who is she? I know. Besides the skinny legend. I know.

I can't imagine... Or would you know if it had happened? Because you forgot. Yeah.

I can't imagine... Or would you know if it had happened? Because you forgot. Yeah.

Yeah, and then in kitchens, a lot of times, like, if it's, like, elevated but not quite, like, they're not classy enough to be, like, they're not trained, but it's, like, a nicer place, so then they get in fights still.

Yeah, and then in kitchens, a lot of times, like, if it's, like, elevated but not quite, like, they're not classy enough to be, like, they're not trained, but it's, like, a nicer place, so then they get in fights still.

I was just about to say, and Chicago specifically has a lot of alcohol laws. Huh. Like, they had a rule when I lived there that they weren't allowed to have happy hours. You had to have specials. I think they changed this now, but you had to have specials for the whole day. Oh, wow. So it couldn't just be a certain number of hours you had that special. Whoa.

I was just about to say, and Chicago specifically has a lot of alcohol laws. Huh. Like, they had a rule when I lived there that they weren't allowed to have happy hours. You had to have specials. I think they changed this now, but you had to have specials for the whole day. Oh, wow. So it couldn't just be a certain number of hours you had that special. Whoa.

Yeah, I laughed at him. That's great. I mean, not great, but fine. I had a table of these Laguna Beach women. They kept getting up and trying to buddy-buddy me. And I don't like being touched, and they kept putting their arms around me and shit. They were drinking their bottomless mimosas. And I had to tell one of them, stop touching me.

Yeah, I laughed at him. That's great. I mean, not great, but fine. I had a table of these Laguna Beach women. They kept getting up and trying to buddy-buddy me. And I don't like being touched, and they kept putting their arms around me and shit. They were drinking their bottomless mimosas. And I had to tell one of them, stop touching me.

Because she was like, she pulled me, and she was like, what, you can't handle it? Come on, you're a dude. And I was like, oh, no. So then I had to get my manager, and I was like, they won't stop touching me. I need them to, and they started doing it as a bit. Oh, that's the worst. I was hung over, bitch. It was brunch. I was hung over. I was not trying to be touched.

Because she was like, she pulled me, and she was like, what, you can't handle it? Come on, you're a dude. And I was like, oh, no. So then I had to get my manager, and I was like, they won't stop touching me. I need them to, and they started doing it as a bit. Oh, that's the worst. I was hung over, bitch. It was brunch. I was hung over. I was not trying to be touched.

My manager was like, she was like, she was like, he wouldn't let me touch him. And she's like, why do you need to touch him? He won't let me touch him. It's a crazy complaint. Why are you touching him in the first place? She had my back. And that was a manager that didn't like me, too. But she was like, stop touching my employees.

My manager was like, she was like, she was like, he wouldn't let me touch him. And she's like, why do you need to touch him? He won't let me touch him. It's a crazy complaint. Why are you touching him in the first place? She had my back. And that was a manager that didn't like me, too. But she was like, stop touching my employees.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now we can just have fun. Now we can just throw it away. Now you can relax.

Now we can just have fun. Now we can just throw it away. Now you can relax.

Okay.

Okay.

Auto gratuity isn't all that much. And it does it before taxes, which... I would take the autograt off because people tip on top of tax a lot of the time. But if you do autograt, it tips before the tax. Interesting. So it's 10% less.

Auto gratuity isn't all that much. And it does it before taxes, which... I would take the autograt off because people tip on top of tax a lot of the time. But if you do autograt, it tips before the tax. Interesting. So it's 10% less.

Yeah, that's fair. I let my daughter drink whatever the fuck she wants to do.

Yeah, that's fair. I let my daughter drink whatever the fuck she wants to do.

Restaurant things. The vibes are nice.

Restaurant things. The vibes are nice.

But she's so, that's so mean.

But she's so, that's so mean.

I feel like in a lot of Reddit stories.

I feel like in a lot of Reddit stories.

What the hell? Okay, support local business. You did the exact turn I did.

What the hell? Okay, support local business. You did the exact turn I did.

That's what I'm saying is it's great that he's stopping it because he's recognizing it now with his wife there that there's more to lose. Like maybe we get used to family dynamics, but then sometimes you bring in new people and you're like, oh, this was never cool.

That's what I'm saying is it's great that he's stopping it because he's recognizing it now with his wife there that there's more to lose. Like maybe we get used to family dynamics, but then sometimes you bring in new people and you're like, oh, this was never cool.

Good for him, though.

Good for him, though.

The turn, I was like, no, aw.

The turn, I was like, no, aw.

Like you don't have to be at the table for him, for you to want him to stop that conversation.

Like you don't have to be at the table for him, for you to want him to stop that conversation.

Like you being there doesn't stop the fact that he should have ended that.

Like you being there doesn't stop the fact that he should have ended that.

You don't have to be visiting for him to shut that down.

You don't have to be visiting for him to shut that down.

It should have been shut down.

It should have been shut down.

But in some family dynamics.

But in some family dynamics.

So how'd you feel alienated? Yeah, I'm like, so yes.

So how'd you feel alienated? Yeah, I'm like, so yes.

I think just to bring it back, it's crazy how family has a pull over some people. And it's great to see that this guy was just like, no, the bullshit stops here for my wife.

I think just to bring it back, it's crazy how family has a pull over some people. And it's great to see that this guy was just like, no, the bullshit stops here for my wife.

That's awesome.

That's awesome.

Yeah, if my brother's daughter comes out named Spork, I'm like, hell yeah, welcome to the family.

Yeah, if my brother's daughter comes out named Spork, I'm like, hell yeah, welcome to the family.

Like, that's their name.

Like, that's their name.

I feel like it's easier to change your name as a human. Pets' names, it's hard to change them, to get them to listen to something else. My dog can't hear as it is. If I changed it up on him, it would be so hard to get him to respond.

I feel like it's easier to change your name as a human. Pets' names, it's hard to change them, to get them to listen to something else. My dog can't hear as it is. If I changed it up on him, it would be so hard to get him to respond.

Honestly, you know what I would do? The most I would do, if my sister stopped talking to me over this, I'd be like, fine, my dog's Charles. But we're not losing Charles. You know?

Honestly, you know what I would do? The most I would do, if my sister stopped talking to me over this, I'd be like, fine, my dog's Charles. But we're not losing Charles. You know?

I'd be like, we'll do like his God-given name.

I'd be like, we'll do like his God-given name.

The name the queen would call him, but I'm not changing his name entirely.

The name the queen would call him, but I'm not changing his name entirely.

Wait, you know what's kind of funny, though? You know how sometimes you meet someone and they're like, oh, they're like, oh, Angela's my middle name, my first name is Charlie, but we had to change it because my brother had a dog. Like, it is kind of funny to think about. That's pretty funny.

Wait, you know what's kind of funny, though? You know how sometimes you meet someone and they're like, oh, they're like, oh, Angela's my middle name, my first name is Charlie, but we had to change it because my brother had a dog. Like, it is kind of funny to think about. That's pretty funny.

Okay, here's my question. Why are AI stories on Reddit?

Okay, here's my question. Why are AI stories on Reddit?

It's a little bit like a verification. Because I've never understood the incentive to make a fake story. But now I get it.

It's a little bit like a verification. Because I've never understood the incentive to make a fake story. But now I get it.

And using grammar a little wrong.

And using grammar a little wrong.

And it was kind of perfectly like, here's the situation. Here's the situation. What do I do? How do I always, yeah.

And it was kind of perfectly like, here's the situation. Here's the situation. What do I do? How do I always, yeah.

Have you guys seen the video of the Waymo crashing into the Postmates cart?

Have you guys seen the video of the Waymo crashing into the Postmates cart?

Okay, well, thanks, Charlie.

Okay, well, thanks, Charlie.

I want things written by human Nigel.

I want things written by human Nigel.

Also, families and weddings.

Also, families and weddings.

It's the coffee and the creamer. It's creamer in my coffee.

It's the coffee and the creamer. It's creamer in my coffee.

It's weird, it's like I'm Cesar Millan.

It's weird, it's like I'm Cesar Millan.

Thank you for knowing my talents. I understand, because he's getting half his rate, so his patience is probably low.

Thank you for knowing my talents. I understand, because he's getting half his rate, so his patience is probably low.

But then you still gotta give it your all, and that's probably a part of... I bet this isn't his first wedding where it's hard to get everyone to focus in. But I think the only... possible assholey thing is posting those videos without like permission and just be like, fuck you guys. Look at you guys being crazy.

But then you still gotta give it your all, and that's probably a part of... I bet this isn't his first wedding where it's hard to get everyone to focus in. But I think the only... possible assholey thing is posting those videos without like permission and just be like, fuck you guys. Look at you guys being crazy.

I understand it's sad when the family's like, we needed those pictures, we were all together, whatever, we all dressed up. But at the end of the day, if the bride was happy, it sounds like the bride and the groom

I understand it's sad when the family's like, we needed those pictures, we were all together, whatever, we all dressed up. But at the end of the day, if the bride was happy, it sounds like the bride and the groom

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Well, I need to know what's the content.

Well, I need to know what's the content.

But it could be anything. Some people are literally on there with their bare ass sitting on cakes.

But it could be anything. Some people are literally on there with their bare ass sitting on cakes.

Like, it's creative stuff. There are people like that.

Like, it's creative stuff. There are people like that.

But it could be fucking anything.

But it could be fucking anything.

Like, that's why I want to know.

Like, that's why I want to know.

You're obsessed with cousins. No, I'm not. I just feel like that's the energy.

You're obsessed with cousins. No, I'm not. I just feel like that's the energy.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

This is really, really sweet. It is.

This is really, really sweet. It is.

Okay, and now?

Okay, and now?

What happened at the restaurant?

What happened at the restaurant?

Was he like watching porn on his phone or something in line? And they took it away, like my brain's going nuts.

Was he like watching porn on his phone or something in line? And they took it away, like my brain's going nuts.

Shane! I don't want to hear what you think. I don't want to hear what you think. I want to hear what happened.

Shane! I don't want to hear what you think. I don't want to hear what you think. I want to hear what happened.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She's not even mad at the girl he was sleeping with. Because that's usually what people do when people are wrongfully mad at cheating situations. They get mad at who they're cheating on.

She's not even mad at the girl he was sleeping with. Because that's usually what people do when people are wrongfully mad at cheating situations. They get mad at who they're cheating on.

You're getting mad on the setting in which you found out. Not even the place they were fucking. The place that you found out they were fucking.

You're getting mad on the setting in which you found out. Not even the place they were fucking. The place that you found out they were fucking.

You have to really acknowledge, oh, my reality's gone. Oh, I'm not grounded at all. There's nothing about this A plus B equals fucking C. To go after the daughter makes zero sense. They're like, she went on her first big roller coaster. And they're like, well, I went on my own fucking roller coaster. That was fucking betrayal.

You have to really acknowledge, oh, my reality's gone. Oh, I'm not grounded at all. There's nothing about this A plus B equals fucking C. To go after the daughter makes zero sense. They're like, she went on her first big roller coaster. And they're like, well, I went on my own fucking roller coaster. That was fucking betrayal.

I'm sorry it's insensitive. I'm laughing. I just cannot believe this took that turn. I thought we were mad at Disneyland for something they did.

I'm sorry it's insensitive. I'm laughing. I just cannot believe this took that turn. I thought we were mad at Disneyland for something they did.

Once my dad was really, really hungry, and he was in a grumpy mood, and we went to, for some reason, we were going to this sandwich place, Toto's? Toto's.

Once my dad was really, really hungry, and he was in a grumpy mood, and we went to, for some reason, we were going to this sandwich place, Toto's? Toto's.

Togo's, Togo's. And they fucked up our order and my dad got so angry he said we can never go back there again. And I feel like I haven't been since because I'm loyal to my father because they fucked up his tuna. But like, but this is like, this is like.

Togo's, Togo's. And they fucked up our order and my dad got so angry he said we can never go back there again. And I feel like I haven't been since because I'm loyal to my father because they fucked up his tuna. But like, but this is like, this is like.

I just will never forget the image of my dad going, we're never going to Togo's again.

I just will never forget the image of my dad going, we're never going to Togo's again.

This is just.

This is just.

Could you imagine being isolated from your parents?

Could you imagine being isolated from your parents?

But could you imagine being isolated by the people who raised you because they're lying to each other?

But could you imagine being isolated by the people who raised you because they're lying to each other?

And it has nothing to do with you, but their lack of communication and, like, honesty?

And it has nothing to do with you, but their lack of communication and, like, honesty?

It's okay. It's family.

It's okay. It's family.

That was one of the most wild ones I've read.

That was one of the most wild ones I've read.

It's like you got dumped at a restaurant and you're like, that restaurant broke my heart. You're like, honey. We're never going to Olive Garden again.

It's like you got dumped at a restaurant and you're like, that restaurant broke my heart. You're like, honey. We're never going to Olive Garden again.

Also, obsessed with the woman in the hotel that goes through his phone and sees baby. Obsessed with her.

Also, obsessed with the woman in the hotel that goes through his phone and sees baby. Obsessed with her.

Oh, if I was in people's hotel room, I would read their phones too.

Oh, if I was in people's hotel room, I would read their phones too.

It's great.

It's great.

There you go. Tug on the seatbelt while you're ready. Your fucking, I don't know.