Chelsea Handler

This is in the book, by the way. And this is the book and my stand-up special, which is coming out after the book. I realized it wasn't happening with Andrew Cuomo. We had a long flirtation or a short one, but I was led to believe I'd be penetrated by him at some point. And when that didn't happen, I was with my brothers and sisters and a bunch of friends at this house that I'd rented in Maine.

This is in the book, by the way. And this is the book and my stand-up special, which is coming out after the book. I realized it wasn't happening with Andrew Cuomo. We had a long flirtation or a short one, but I was led to believe I'd be penetrated by him at some point. And when that didn't happen, I was with my brothers and sisters and a bunch of friends at this house that I'd rented in Maine.

This is in the book, by the way. And this is the book and my stand-up special, which is coming out after the book. I realized it wasn't happening with Andrew Cuomo. We had a long flirtation or a short one, but I was led to believe I'd be penetrated by him at some point. And when that didn't happen, I was with my brothers and sisters and a bunch of friends at this house that I'd rented in Maine.

And I was like, God, I didn't bring Bert and Bernice. I've just been rejected by a man. It's COVID, I'm single. A lot of people during COVID who were single feared that maybe they would never get penetrated again. Maybe that was it. What if I never am allowed to have sex again? So it was a rejection, a dejection. It was deep.

And I was like, God, I didn't bring Bert and Bernice. I've just been rejected by a man. It's COVID, I'm single. A lot of people during COVID who were single feared that maybe they would never get penetrated again. Maybe that was it. What if I never am allowed to have sex again? So it was a rejection, a dejection. It was deep.

And I was like, God, I didn't bring Bert and Bernice. I've just been rejected by a man. It's COVID, I'm single. A lot of people during COVID who were single feared that maybe they would never get penetrated again. Maybe that was it. What if I never am allowed to have sex again? So it was a rejection, a dejection. It was deep.

And I, I was like, I came downstairs and I said to my sister, Simone, like, I need Bert and Bernie's here. I'm pissed that they're not here. I don't know what I was thinking. We're here for a month. Like I need some comfort. And I'm not flying my dogs privately. That's ridiculous. Like, I did that once and I was shamed for it. And I don't want to be that egregious.

And I, I was like, I came downstairs and I said to my sister, Simone, like, I need Bert and Bernie's here. I'm pissed that they're not here. I don't know what I was thinking. We're here for a month. Like I need some comfort. And I'm not flying my dogs privately. That's ridiculous. Like, I did that once and I was shamed for it. And I don't want to be that egregious.

And I, I was like, I came downstairs and I said to my sister, Simone, like, I need Bert and Bernie's here. I'm pissed that they're not here. I don't know what I was thinking. We're here for a month. Like I need some comfort. And I'm not flying my dogs privately. That's ridiculous. Like, I did that once and I was shamed for it. And I don't want to be that egregious.

So she said, let me figure it out. And she came downstairs and said she had found a service. There was a couple that could drive my dogs from California to Maine, and then they could be there in 48 hours. It was a Monday at 7 p.m. And I was like, 48 hours? I was like, is that even possible? But, you know, when things go my way, I don't ask a lot of questions. I'm like, great.

So she said, let me figure it out. And she came downstairs and said she had found a service. There was a couple that could drive my dogs from California to Maine, and then they could be there in 48 hours. It was a Monday at 7 p.m. And I was like, 48 hours? I was like, is that even possible? But, you know, when things go my way, I don't ask a lot of questions. I'm like, great.

So she said, let me figure it out. And she came downstairs and said she had found a service. There was a couple that could drive my dogs from California to Maine, and then they could be there in 48 hours. It was a Monday at 7 p.m. And I was like, 48 hours? I was like, is that even possible? But, you know, when things go my way, I don't ask a lot of questions. I'm like, great.

So Wednesday at like 7.30, this couple pulls up in this like trailer hitch situation, like a van attached to something else. I don't know the vernacular for those types of things because, you know. And...

So Wednesday at like 7.30, this couple pulls up in this like trailer hitch situation, like a van attached to something else. I don't know the vernacular for those types of things because, you know. And...

So Wednesday at like 7.30, this couple pulls up in this like trailer hitch situation, like a van attached to something else. I don't know the vernacular for those types of things because, you know. And...

my dogs kind of scuttled out and my dogs aren't very affectionate they were both they're both dead now but they were they're just both aloof they were brother and sister combo platter and they were chow chows and they're just kind of like slow sluggish and just seemingly off and i i said to the couple that pulled i was so grateful you know to see my dogs i was so anyone who has an animal understands

my dogs kind of scuttled out and my dogs aren't very affectionate they were both they're both dead now but they were they're just both aloof they were brother and sister combo platter and they were chow chows and they're just kind of like slow sluggish and just seemingly off and i i said to the couple that pulled i was so grateful you know to see my dogs i was so anyone who has an animal understands

my dogs kind of scuttled out and my dogs aren't very affectionate they were both they're both dead now but they were they're just both aloof they were brother and sister combo platter and they were chow chows and they're just kind of like slow sluggish and just seemingly off and i i said to the couple that pulled i was so grateful you know to see my dogs i was so anyone who has an animal understands

And I went inside to make them a thank you cocktail. I went inside to the kitchen. My brother Roy was cooking. He's the chef in our family. And he was cooking. And he was like, I said, I grabbed a bottle of Belvedere, grabbed some cocktail glasses. And he goes, what are you doing? And I said, I'm making the couple that just delivered Bert and Bernice a thank you cocktail.

And I went inside to make them a thank you cocktail. I went inside to the kitchen. My brother Roy was cooking. He's the chef in our family. And he was cooking. And he was like, I said, I grabbed a bottle of Belvedere, grabbed some cocktail glasses. And he goes, what are you doing? And I said, I'm making the couple that just delivered Bert and Bernice a thank you cocktail.