Chelsea Handler

I'm not nominated for an Oscar.

Why am I at the party?

Like, I always I'm like, no, it's like, you know, you got to show up once in a while to, like, refresh people's memories.

but um i find la to be if i wish i i want to i want to have a place in new york that's going to be my my goal i think that's a little bit it's too unhealthy like i'm becoming almost elderly in this lifestyle whenever i'm here which isn't frequently i come back home and like last night i was supposed to go over for friends for dinner which was the kind of event you're describing or dinner you're describing dana which is actually sounded really nice but even getting in my car

And I am in a compromised situation because I just had some surgery.

So, you know, it's not fun.

I can't drink.

I can't really do anything.

But I was going to get in my car and go over there.

And I was like, I don't think so.

I don't think I would rather just sit here and watch mindless television and sleep as much as I can.

I think I overheard one of you lesbians saying that you slept for 11 hours last night.

Wow.

Wow.

Did you masturbate to get yourself to sleep?

Yeah, I don't know.

I think it's like a rush of, it's like a wave, if you will, no pun intended, of a wave of squirters talking about squirting and women, you know, the more, listen, we're all talking about the same stuff.

When you break down standup comedy, you're talking about your personal life, your relationships, your relationship to drugs and alcohol, you know, it's all the same pitter patter of ideas.

And it's just like, how does your execution vary?

So I guess if you, you know, the more women that are up talking about this,