Chris Distefano

It's just... Well, it's just like I'd almost rather... I'd rather literally... For me, it's... If you were like, what's gayer? For real, what's gayer? A man's foot on your... A man's foot on your face or his balls on your nose? I would say his foot on my face. Because the balls on the nose is like, that's just high school getting teabagged. Shout out Coach Curran. But... Camp in 1987.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the sandals, I think it's just so – you're a Florida guy. So in New York, nobody would be wearing jeans and sandals.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the sandals, I think it's just so – you're a Florida guy. So in New York, nobody would be wearing jeans and sandals.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the sandals, I think it's just so – you're a Florida guy. So in New York, nobody would be wearing jeans and sandals.

Well, the Dominicans do that. That's the difference. When you're a kid, you learn Puerto Ricans will wear sandals with just barefoot and Dominicans throw a sock on and put on a sandal. So I go, if anything, I lean towards Dominican, even though my family's Puerto Rican, but I do have, if I'm going to put on sandals, Dominican style.

Well, the Dominicans do that. That's the difference. When you're a kid, you learn Puerto Ricans will wear sandals with just barefoot and Dominicans throw a sock on and put on a sandal. So I go, if anything, I lean towards Dominican, even though my family's Puerto Rican, but I do have, if I'm going to put on sandals, Dominican style.

Well, the Dominicans do that. That's the difference. When you're a kid, you learn Puerto Ricans will wear sandals with just barefoot and Dominicans throw a sock on and put on a sandal. So I go, if anything, I lean towards Dominican, even though my family's Puerto Rican, but I do have, if I'm going to put on sandals, Dominican style.

More Puerto Rican. They're the most Puerto Rican. Do they look Puerto Rican? Now my daughters are starting to look real fucking Puerto Rican. For real? Like real deal Puerto Rican, dude. My nine-year-old is fucking just a tattoo on her tit. And so they're starting to look real deal, bro.

More Puerto Rican. They're the most Puerto Rican. Do they look Puerto Rican? Now my daughters are starting to look real fucking Puerto Rican. For real? Like real deal Puerto Rican, dude. My nine-year-old is fucking just a tattoo on her tit. And so they're starting to look real deal, bro.

More Puerto Rican. They're the most Puerto Rican. Do they look Puerto Rican? Now my daughters are starting to look real fucking Puerto Rican. For real? Like real deal Puerto Rican, dude. My nine-year-old is fucking just a tattoo on her tit. And so they're starting to look real deal, bro.

So what it's been now is I just have a rule. I only go away... two weekends a month max, or sometimes one. If I can make enough money to justify one, then it's just one. So I'm just like, I just, for me, but everybody's different. For me, I'm just like the guy, like, I don't want to be, first of all, I get very uncomfortable leaving the original 13 colonies to begin with. I'm an original 13 guy.

So what it's been now is I just have a rule. I only go away... two weekends a month max, or sometimes one. If I can make enough money to justify one, then it's just one. So I'm just like, I just, for me, but everybody's different. For me, I'm just like the guy, like, I don't want to be, first of all, I get very uncomfortable leaving the original 13 colonies to begin with. I'm an original 13 guy.

So what it's been now is I just have a rule. I only go away... two weekends a month max, or sometimes one. If I can make enough money to justify one, then it's just one. So I'm just like, I just, for me, but everybody's different. For me, I'm just like the guy, like, I don't want to be, first of all, I get very uncomfortable leaving the original 13 colonies to begin with. I'm an original 13 guy.

I'm big on the founding fathers. I believe in their version of America, which is the fucking original 13, Papi.

I'm big on the founding fathers. I believe in their version of America, which is the fucking original 13, Papi.

I'm big on the founding fathers. I believe in their version of America, which is the fucking original 13, Papi.

Well, that's what I'm trying to do. I want Chrissy. I want to go back on just the original 13 colony tour. And I like, I don't, I like. Chrissy's the session. Yeah, dude. Chrissy the fucking patriot. And so, and so I, Sons of Liberty Chrissy. So I, I like coming out to California and all these places. I really do. But I just want to be close to my family. It's just how I am. Like, well, I.

Well, that's what I'm trying to do. I want Chrissy. I want to go back on just the original 13 colony tour. And I like, I don't, I like. Chrissy's the session. Yeah, dude. Chrissy the fucking patriot. And so, and so I, Sons of Liberty Chrissy. So I, I like coming out to California and all these places. I really do. But I just want to be close to my family. It's just how I am. Like, well, I.

Well, that's what I'm trying to do. I want Chrissy. I want to go back on just the original 13 colony tour. And I like, I don't, I like. Chrissy's the session. Yeah, dude. Chrissy the fucking patriot. And so, and so I, Sons of Liberty Chrissy. So I, I like coming out to California and all these places. I really do. But I just want to be close to my family. It's just how I am. Like, well, I.

Comedy for me, I love doing it. I really do. But I didn't ever, I was never the guy that like knew the history of comedy. I didn't watch any comedy movies. I didn't know. I just started doing it as a goof. I was a physical therapist. I fucking did an open mic at the Maui Taco, but I was a physical therapist, like fully, that was my life. And then I just liked it.