Chris Duffy

An encounter with just one of these friendships can dislodge fixed ideas about who and how many people we can spend the rest of our lives with.

The trellis may be ideally suited to some of us in its use by so many others a source of meaning and its preset structure reassuring.

But for those who have doubts or are curious, these friendships can give us the nerve to detach from the trellis and grow towards the light.

I imagine anyone who heard that is going to be convinced by that.

How do you how do you figure out what it is that you really want?

Personally, one thing that I really want is for us to talk so much more about all of this.

But my bosses also want us to have a quick break for podcast dance.

So we will be right back after this.

We're talking with Raina Cohen, author of the book, The Other Significant Others, Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center.

So Raina, how did writing this book change what you think a friend is?

With that in mind, what makes a good friend?

What makes a really good friend?

There's a comedy show here in Los Angeles where I live that is literally called My Therapist Knows Your Name.

And people instantly get why that's a funny thing to name a comedy show, because I think so many people do have this experience of like, even though these are, quote unquote, not serious relationships, they often do take up so much of our mental energy and brain space.

This is a very particular type of millennial complaint, but I feel like it's quite common to hear people lament that we live in single family homes or single family apartments and that we don't live in the dorm structure that would be normal if you were living in a university where you have your friends right next door, you have your friends down the hall, you have your friends at least within a walk away.

And I feel like it's so common to hear people wish for

physical proximity to friends, to take away some of the logistics of it being difficult.

Because as you get older, there are more obstacles to hanging out.

And yet we also create these physical obstacles.

I think that regardless of what's the primary relationship in your life, people often experience