Chris Fettes

just getting the bullshit, shoveling the bullshit out as much as I could while still adding more, not being able to figure out why I couldn't get it off and You know, one day I had the Ibogaine experience that cleared, that, that helped me understand a little bit better and some other things that I did as well.

just getting the bullshit, shoveling the bullshit out as much as I could while still adding more, not being able to figure out why I couldn't get it off and You know, one day I had the Ibogaine experience that cleared, that, that helped me understand a little bit better and some other things that I did as well.

just getting the bullshit, shoveling the bullshit out as much as I could while still adding more, not being able to figure out why I couldn't get it off and You know, one day I had the Ibogaine experience that cleared, that, that helped me understand a little bit better and some other things that I did as well.

And then like, fuck, finally I figured out how to start leveling it out to a point where I had enough clarity in my own self to go back to that moment and now look at it instead of fucking hiding from it, which I was doing for years. And every time I wanted to think about it, I would just go fucking get drunk, you know, and I got to this point.

And then like, fuck, finally I figured out how to start leveling it out to a point where I had enough clarity in my own self to go back to that moment and now look at it instead of fucking hiding from it, which I was doing for years. And every time I wanted to think about it, I would just go fucking get drunk, you know, and I got to this point.

And then like, fuck, finally I figured out how to start leveling it out to a point where I had enough clarity in my own self to go back to that moment and now look at it instead of fucking hiding from it, which I was doing for years. And every time I wanted to think about it, I would just go fucking get drunk, you know, and I got to this point.

Just a few years ago, I'm eight years out now, and maybe four years ago was rock bottom where this thing plus the childhood and all the shit I was doing outside of what I really wanted to be, right? Which was just good. I fucking... You know, I had this friend in my neighborhood take his own life just in the little lake across from my front porch.

Just a few years ago, I'm eight years out now, and maybe four years ago was rock bottom where this thing plus the childhood and all the shit I was doing outside of what I really wanted to be, right? Which was just good. I fucking... You know, I had this friend in my neighborhood take his own life just in the little lake across from my front porch.

Just a few years ago, I'm eight years out now, and maybe four years ago was rock bottom where this thing plus the childhood and all the shit I was doing outside of what I really wanted to be, right? Which was just good. I fucking... You know, I had this friend in my neighborhood take his own life just in the little lake across from my front porch.

And I used to go to that spot just because it made me feel good. I'd just take a paddleboard over there and I'd just kind of lay there where he took his life and go, fuck, I feel something here. And then every time I leave this spot, I don't feel anything. And...

And I used to go to that spot just because it made me feel good. I'd just take a paddleboard over there and I'd just kind of lay there where he took his life and go, fuck, I feel something here. And then every time I leave this spot, I don't feel anything. And...

And I used to go to that spot just because it made me feel good. I'd just take a paddleboard over there and I'd just kind of lay there where he took his life and go, fuck, I feel something here. And then every time I leave this spot, I don't feel anything. And...

Because of that, you know, eventually I started to, just about a year of this seed being planted and growing in my head to where like, man, I can just fucking, I'm a burden on everybody. I'm yelling at my kids. I'm a horrible husband. I'm addicted to everything. I can't figure this shit out with these kids. So, you know, one day I found myself

Because of that, you know, eventually I started to, just about a year of this seed being planted and growing in my head to where like, man, I can just fucking, I'm a burden on everybody. I'm yelling at my kids. I'm a horrible husband. I'm addicted to everything. I can't figure this shit out with these kids. So, you know, one day I found myself

Because of that, you know, eventually I started to, just about a year of this seed being planted and growing in my head to where like, man, I can just fucking, I'm a burden on everybody. I'm yelling at my kids. I'm a horrible husband. I'm addicted to everything. I can't figure this shit out with these kids. So, you know, one day I found myself

uh just playing slack side squeeze you know the drill when you're dry firing um but with one in the tube and then that was the moment i'm like what the i didn't even really realize i was doing it i was just thinking And then I now think back to go, thank God I wasn't drinking a bunch there.

uh just playing slack side squeeze you know the drill when you're dry firing um but with one in the tube and then that was the moment i'm like what the i didn't even really realize i was doing it i was just thinking And then I now think back to go, thank God I wasn't drinking a bunch there.

uh just playing slack side squeeze you know the drill when you're dry firing um but with one in the tube and then that was the moment i'm like what the i didn't even really realize i was doing it i was just thinking And then I now think back to go, thank God I wasn't drinking a bunch there.

Because I think that in those moments, in that critical moment, which is the veteran suicide, like critical moment that I think about a lot, is a lot simpler than what I think we all think it is. Because there's very specific thoughts going on in that moment, right? this guy, you know, this couple of guys or my team thinks I'm a shit bag or something.

Because I think that in those moments, in that critical moment, which is the veteran suicide, like critical moment that I think about a lot, is a lot simpler than what I think we all think it is. Because there's very specific thoughts going on in that moment, right? this guy, you know, this couple of guys or my team thinks I'm a shit bag or something.