Chris Voss

Well, he certainly doesn't want to be treated with respect.

When I left the Bureau, the girl that I was dating at the time put together a going-away party for me, a surprise party, because I was at odds with the guy that I was working for at the time, and I kind of stormed out the door without saying goodbye.

Not you.

I just like, I'm out of here.

I'm gone.

Adios.

I didn't even say adios.

I just packed my shit and I left.

And so she was like, you know, you need to go on a white party.

And when she put it together afterwards, she said, you know, everybody, I try to contact everybody that you ever work with.

And what I noticed is every single person I spoke to told me how much they respected you.

But what I also noticed is I don't remember any of them saying they liked you.

And that had never been pointed out to me because respect was always my currency.

You might not like me, but you're going to respect me.

Right.

And so then I wouldn't change how I did anything for me as an assertive, but I'd go back and I'd be nicer about it.

I'd be kinder.

I've heard other assertives that have learned that lesson.

Most of them will use some term there, be kinder, be nicer.

A friend of mine in New York, Conrad Gomez, great dude, he says kind is the default game theory long-term success option.