Chris Williamson

Like it's, if you and I aren't okay, like this is why I say this to my wife.

If we're not okay, then nothing's okay.

In other words, it's really easy to go, we're fine, we're fine.

And then just all of a sudden focus on the kids or finances or whatever it is.

And it's easy to kind of switch over to getting busy with something else and it gets swept under the rug.

you miss that chance.

Then it becomes this little bitty paper cut and then you'll have another little paper cut and you have another little paper cut.

And so eventually those become big ruptures over time.

The one I also like to use is something else is coming up, I'm not sure yet.

Like if we're in a conversation and I can tell that there's more to it for me, like I am having a bigger emotional response than what's called for,

I can invite her into that conversation.

Let me put that differently.

If let's say we're having a level three conversation

In other words, nobody's mad at each other, but something happens and all of a sudden I'm at a seven or eight and I'm just, something's really got me upset.

It's much easier if I say, I can tell something else is coming up for me.

I'm not sure yet.

Rather than me trying to hold it in, avoid her, go distance and try and fix it myself.

When it's actually me inviting her into this is what's happening to me in that moment is the very conversation and connection that is going to make her closer.

To me to be the person that I, I need in that moment, rather than thinking that I have to present her with somebody who's 100% whole and fixed and has it all together.

And you're a part of this, you're a part of the team we're working together.