Chris Williamson

And if I can think with the outset of, I wonder where that's coming from.

I wonder why they're responding that way.

I wonder what's happening.

I wonder what caused that response.

Then you're going to be in a whole lot better position to keep yourself from getting emotionally wrapped up and responding in kind with aggression.

Aggression, matching aggression doesn't really go anywhere.

It just, anytime that somebody comes at you with aggressiveness and you respond, all you've done is just told them that you're exactly what they said that you were.

You've just proved their point and now they're just going to want to ratchet it up.

You have to focus on the consequences and be okay with it.

That's one of the hardest parts of boundaries.

People are okay with saying, I'm not good with this anymore, but their bark doesn't really have any bite to it.

They're not willing to accept the consequences.

For me, in simple boundaries in conversation, and I know boundaries get talked about a lot, it's just simply saying, one, what you're not going to do, two, if they continue to do this, and three, what you're willing to walk away from.

So for example,

Let's say you're saying something that's offensive to me.

I'm going to say, I don't engage in conversation with people that are going to disrespect me.

If you continue to disrespect me, Chris, this is the end of the conversation.

I have to be willing to get up and walk away.

Rather than saying, you can't yell at me, if I were to turn it to, I don't respond to that volume.

That's a whole different power move that says, I'm the one that's going to be much more in control and confident in this conversation.