Christian Rudder
speaker
149 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard May 2025
last heard May 2025
Christian Rudder’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
I was going to say, do you find that useful? That just seems anxiety-inducing.
Why is it not 100?
That's a great question. And that's something I think most people don't really, they don't understand how, how the, the backend of these things works. Cause like also we have to think about the person that we're like their experience too, right? Like the person that we're showing you. Yeah, exactly. So,
One of the very first things we learned about having a dating site is that there's this thing we call the focus problem. So guys just want to see the hottest women, right? And so if you just go by what the guys are sort of telling you they want, they want to see the highest rated women and just a giant stack or grid or whatever it is.
But if you go and do that and you kind of try to meet their need without any other consideration... Well, what happens? Those women get tons of messages from tons of randos. Their inbox explodes. It feels gross. And they leave. And then now you're left with, if you just showed all the 10s, now you're left with 9s and 8s and so forth. And you end up in this death spiral.
Because also the guys don't get any messages back. Hmm. So you have to kind of look at it as a pair of people always, not just, what are we doing for Trevor today? It's like, what are we doing for Trevor and this person and Trevor and this person?
Yeah, you have to think of it like that because otherwise, you know, we could show you the N hottest women in the database, but... that's not going to be good for you ultimately. And it's definitely not going to be good for them if we do it for everybody, right? And I think most apps do this at this point too. We would do sort of like a hotness sort of color.
So if you're an eight or whatever, like this picture, just on the picture, right? This would be one of the We would show you nines, eights, and sevens, with maybe a few tens and maybe some fives and whatever, just to really reduce people.
That way, they're seeing someone like themselves, you're seeing people like yourself, and that's the optimal sort of band for there actually being a productive conversation between the two of you. And then we would also throw in information, like the kind of classic matching stuff of how important is religion to you or how important is politics or whatever, those kinds of things.
That would be maybe... A third would be the questions about the two of you. A third would be this attractiveness matching. And then we would throw in a healthy dose of just like randomness. You can't just give people what they want because your app will explode. You'll end up with this focus problem thing where you're just showing everybody. You know, women like seeing hot people too.
And you'd have the same problem sort of in reverse. So you've got to be careful and manage your stack of profiles if you're doing it that way.
That just introduces the logistical problem of trying to figure out who you're messaging, right? Okay.
I know. I'm always intrigued by that. I think it's a mistake, yeah. I guess it's like you're trying to flex that you have friends, which is kind of like the reverse of what you're really trying to do. You know, I think in general, my advice would be something that we've talked about already. And it's just like, you really are, you just need that one vote.
You're running for office and you just need one vote. So... Being yourself, it's super corny, but it's also true. Kind of accepting the fact that maybe you're going to get a lot of no's out there and being okay with that. Because I think if you start engineering your profile to increase the number of likes or whatever yeses that you get, it is going to be more noise.
Because you're going to have, you are ultimately only going to find one person, right? Okay. What does it avail you to have 100 people messaging you at the time? 99, that's just 99 more people eventually you're going to have to kind of like get to know with, right? And so I would just say really bring out the things that make you unique. I mean, this is all like grandmother stuff.
I mean, like, you know. Yeah, but grandmothers were right. Yeah, sure.
Yeah.
What is that wisdom of the ages that I think is a real thing? Even my wife's parents are from an arranged marriage. And they're super happy, as are all of their siblings. And I think there is something to that shared worldview. And having that system was designed to bring together people of a common...
sociological context right and they knew that that was what really matters right and I think they're right and anyway to get back to your question like I think doing the things that make you unique foreground those things don't try to like bury the lead so to speak and don't leave it for that second or third message
I think be willing to take more risks, I'd say, especially for people who tend to get a lot of messages. If you think someone's kind of cute, but maybe they're not normally your type, go for it more. Because I think ultimately that stuff is so unpredictable, especially people's digital presentations of themselves.
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