Christopher Moore

Now, we exist with relationships because they're also extremely important to us, extremely beneficial and extremely rewarding.

But that doesn't mean they're going to be perfect all the time.

so interesting so i think when you get caught in a sense that's proof that the relationship is under threat because now the other person knows what you did and so that means that relationship the relationship is is under threat if you do something that you think has hurt another person or could let's say could have heard another person but they don't find out then in a sense the relationship isn't under threat and so you may not feel guilty about it

But the guilt comes when you know that the relationship is under threat.

And so if somebody else finds out what you've done, then that's proof that the relationship is under threat.

And there comes the guilt.

Well, you know, the way that I would put it is that, yes, he's sorry that he's got caught because, you know, clearly there are going to be consequences.

But in many cases of relationships, it's really sorrow, as I said before, that sorry that the relationship is now under threat, that you may be losing somebody that ultimately you care about.

okay i mean in a court the courtroom situation is i think a little bit different because there of course you the the sorrow may not actually be guilt it may just be you know fear of the consequences that you know you're now going to you know going to have to suffer the consequences of the crime uh and that's a little bit different from guilt

Yeah, I completely agree with that.

And I think this is an opportunity maybe to say a little bit more about how guilt is constituted emotionally.

So in my view, guilt is not a simple emotion.

It's actually a complex of different emotions.

And one of the most important ones is empathy or sadness for the other person.

So when you see that the other person is really hurt, as in the case that you just articulated, that starts to stimulate empathy for the other person.

And that empathy is an important component of the guilt that you feel because you feel sorrow or compassion for the other person.

Okay.

So, so guilt has these other emotional pieces to it.

There's the, there's the compassion for the other person.

There's to some extent, self-directed anger as well.