Ciarán O'Driscoll

I'd ask Sister Enda, her name was, I'd ask her, I'd say, is there any chance you could get me any kind of help or something, you know, anywhere you could get me in?

And I'd go to the priest, I'd ask the priest another time, because I, like, the nun then, I'd kind of burn my bridges with the nun, because they'd be making calls to me and I wouldn't turn up.

I'd have the best intentions, but when the time came, I'd run then again.

I didn't want to face care on, like, you know, I'd run then again.

and and that went on for years like i was in and out of prison and i was inside prison and i speak to my mom and i put my hand in my heart and i'd say mom i promise you i'll never ever do this i'm going to get out i'm going to do a b and c i'll go to st john's college i'll go to the school of calm i'll try some course like you know i and i'll do my best

And I'd be in the educational unit most days and stuff.

They'd all know me in the educational unit.

All the teachers and the ex-teachers and the principal.

He was a good man.

And there was an addiction counsellor at the time who was very good to me, Noel McCarthy.

He's passed since.

He passed about two years ago.

He was very, very good to me.

I'd have the best intentions.

I'd turn up to his classes and everything.

But when I got out, the anxiety, again, the shame of what I did, the fear.

Relapsed very, very easily, yeah.

Because of the shame.

I'd have to drink against her about the shame.

And I meet lads that even, they'll be all giving me money and everything.