Cinzia

Yeah.

So I completely broke internally hearing that, not because he said he doesn't want marriage.

He actually, actually repeatedly reassured me that he does.

He told me he loves me to the moon and back and still thinks about marriage and kids with me.

And even said that after finally being honest with me, he ironically felt more comfortable and more inclined towards wanting to propose because the pressure was finally lifted.

So he's being really reassuring.

Yeah.

But emotionally, I still feel devastated.

I think what hurt the most was realizing how differently we were emotionally experiencing the same situation.

In my head, I was excitedly moving towards our future.

In his head, he was silently carrying stress and pressure because he felt like he was disappointing me or falling behind my expectations.

Another thing that really hurt me was hearing that he talked to multiple siblings and friends about it and apparently they all told him there's no rush.

I know logically they were probably just trying to calm him down and reassure him not to feel pressured but emotionally it made me feel really sad because I do feel ready.

To me, it doesn't feel like rushing.

It feels like building the life we've already been talking about.

Now I'm stuck in this weird emotional place where I understand his point of view.

I genuinely don't want him to feel forced into a proposal.

Part of me feels guilty because I know I contributed to the pressure.

But another part of me feels sad because engagement and marriage do really matter deeply to me.

And now I'm scared to even be excited about it anymore.