Claire Crowe

So we do want to bring in that kind of doing element to it.

Now, it is different when you get to the teenage years because, of course, they have a real adult understanding of death, but they don't have the emotionality of an adult.

So it can be derailing.

And often what we see with our teenagers is that kind of sense of anxiety or anxiety

frustration, injustice that goes with it.

Anger.

Anger, absolutely.

I worked with a teen and her dad had died and I remember for her it was guilt.

So she had been doing that very developmentally appropriate thing of

acting out, you know, like fighting back a little bit and also hanging out with her friends, like really normal things.

But she had so much guilt around, gosh, I was so mean to my dad.

Now he's dead.

But actually we did like again for this teen, the message was your dad knew you loved him and he loved you.

So it's OK to have spent time away from the house.

It's OK to have, you know, not been your best self.

That's part of normal, you know, growing up.

and kind of forgiveness giving yourself permission to forgive the other thing I would say for teenagers is it can be very triggering to hear words you know often we'll say they would have been so proud of you or something like that and actually that can be really triggering for a teenager when something comes up and you're putting words on the person that died because it'll often come back with you don't know exactly what they would say so avoid that

Avoid it.

So what I generally say to parents is stick with the mantra, the really clear mantra, which is they loved you and you loved them.

And that's the secure place.