Claire Diaz

We've been fed this spontaneous idea of sex through media, through so many movies, through even through pornography.

And it's actually not the case.

We know from recent studies that there is another type of desire that's not spontaneous.

It's called responsive desire.

And when people have responsive desire, there's nothing wrong with it.

It's absolutely normal.

And it just requires a little bit more effort and intention.

it requires a bit more stimulus to get someone turned on.

And I think that it's really important to understand that because when you are stressed, it's hard to be spontaneous.

You might not have time in your day and you might actually need to plan out moments where you can drop into pleasure or be intimate with a partner.

And I think it's just a reframe of that, like scheduling intimacy or scheduling time for yourself can still be sexy, even with a schedule, even if you have to put it in the Google Cal, like...

Book it in.

Book it in.

I think my first tip would be to give yourself some self-compassion and start with that.

And I say that because when you are desiring to have more connection to your pleasure, but you can't because there's a block, it's really easy for this very self-critical voice to come on and it might sound like judging or shaming or guilting.

And that isn't going to help you.

It's not going to get you anywhere.

And it's probably going to add more stress and pressure onto your plate.

And, you know, if you're struggling with the self-compassion piece, I think it's important to maybe understand, first of all, why that's happening to you.

You know, going to the root cause and understanding that my body is trying to protect me from something that it thinks there's a perceived threat from this.