Clare Crowe

And I actually get it.

It's very therapeutic.

The difference between validation and reassurance is going to really help your child, no matter what the difficulty is that they're presenting with.

So let me give an example.

So reassurance is you'll be OK.

Don't worry, darling.

It's OK.

You know, all these lovely sentiments.

But what's happening with that is the child does not feel hurt.

You're not meeting the distress.

The difference with validation is to say, you know, the child says, I hate school and you say you hate school.

So you're not changing the word, you're saying this is hard.

And generally what happens with validation then is you end up having a bigger conversation.

It opens up conversation rather than shutting it down.

So the child that says I hate school and you respond with that might say, especially lunchtime because I have no one to play with.

Or they might say, especially Amy, because she's mean to me.

You suddenly have more information.

And again, I'm not asking you to fix that, but I'm asking you to validate again and say it's always with Amy.

Yeah, it is amazing when children feel heard how they will de-escalate.

So children will continue to prove that they're distressed if they don't feel you're hearing it.