Clark Fredericks

we go into my forties and I, you know, like I didn't know I suffered from PTSD, you know, from what happened to me as a kid and, uh, something triggers my PTSD and I fall into this deep depression. And, uh, you know, it's just like, just like this, like it felt like a thick mattress on me, just holding me down. And it's just like, you can't get out of this fog. It's just this thick, heavy fog.

we go into my forties and I, you know, like I didn't know I suffered from PTSD, you know, from what happened to me as a kid and, uh, something triggers my PTSD and I fall into this deep depression. And, uh, you know, it's just like, just like this, like it felt like a thick mattress on me, just holding me down. And it's just like, you can't get out of this fog. It's just this thick, heavy fog.

That's just, And I would literally have to talk to myself like a baby to get out of bed in the morning. Come on, Clark. Swing your legs out of bed. You can do it. Now stand up. Come on. Walk to the bathroom. Come on. And, you know, that's when I started drinking before work. You know, I mentioned that earlier. Like, I don't know how to, like, I have no healthy coping mechanisms. Mm-hmm.

That's just, And I would literally have to talk to myself like a baby to get out of bed in the morning. Come on, Clark. Swing your legs out of bed. You can do it. Now stand up. Come on. Walk to the bathroom. Come on. And, you know, that's when I started drinking before work. You know, I mentioned that earlier. Like, I don't know how to, like, I have no healthy coping mechanisms. Mm-hmm.

So I'm just like, I'm just trying to figure it out on my own. Like, I am literally depressed to the point of being immobile. Like, all right, let's have a drink in the morning just to try to get me going. And then it was... let's just do a couple bumps during the day just to keep me energized and going. Yeah.

So I'm just like, I'm just trying to figure it out on my own. Like, I am literally depressed to the point of being immobile. Like, all right, let's have a drink in the morning just to try to get me going. And then it was... let's just do a couple bumps during the day just to keep me energized and going. Yeah.

And, and it's just, you know, spiraled and I got my pain pill addiction and, you know, I was like a squirrel gathering nuts. I'd have a drawer of 500 pain pills and still feel like, Ooh, that's only two weeks worth, you know, like, you know, we, we gotta, we gotta get, you know, more than that, you know? And, and,

And, and it's just, you know, spiraled and I got my pain pill addiction and, you know, I was like a squirrel gathering nuts. I'd have a drawer of 500 pain pills and still feel like, Ooh, that's only two weeks worth, you know, like, you know, we, we gotta, we gotta get, you know, more than that, you know? And, and,

I run out, I get low on pain pills and somebody I go to says, I don't even know why you're fucking with those pain pills to begin with. He goes, I got some packets of dope. He goes, don't kid yourself. You're, you're, you're doing dope. He goes, it's pharmaceutical dope, but it's dope.

I run out, I get low on pain pills and somebody I go to says, I don't even know why you're fucking with those pain pills to begin with. He goes, I got some packets of dope. He goes, don't kid yourself. You're, you're, you're doing dope. He goes, it's pharmaceutical dope, but it's dope.

He goes, you might as well just do the real thing for $5 a packet instead of, you know, what you're paying for pills. And I was just like, All right, bug it. Give me some packets. Unless I start doing heroin. Right. So it's just one thing after another snowballs into another. And we're picking up steam too. Things are not getting better, like I said.

He goes, you might as well just do the real thing for $5 a packet instead of, you know, what you're paying for pills. And I was just like, All right, bug it. Give me some packets. Unless I start doing heroin. Right. So it's just one thing after another snowballs into another. And we're picking up steam too. Things are not getting better, like I said.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Do you want a mint?

Do you want a mint?

Are we allowed to do that in a podcast?

Are we allowed to do that in a podcast?

No, I'm not thinking about it.

No, I'm not thinking about it.