Clark Fredericks

But I didn't know how to cope with what I was feeling.

And it's not like every moment I'm thinking of Dennis Pegg.

I'm thinking of the abuse.

I'm not.

But what I'm thinking is, or what I'm feeling is just anxiety.

I'm feeling off.

I'm feeling depressed.

uh I I like I did with women I did with careers with jobs like I would just cut and run like I went from job to job to job to job to job because relationships long term or careers long term would make me feel trapped and trapped is how I felt with Dennis Pegg and internally

My mind, my subconscious is saying we're not going to ever feel trapped again.

And I would run.

And that was a pattern early on in my life.

And I would look for a new coping mechanism in my 30s and I would find that in gambling.

I will walk through the doors of a casino and Dennis Pegg would get stuck at the door.

Like he couldn't barge his way in.

The cocktail waitresses with their skippy outfits, the sounds, the yelling, the hooting, the hollering, the drinking.

And I went on an incredible four or five year run in the casinos that was just insane.

Like won hundreds of thousands of dollars.

And winning that money did absolutely zero for me.

Money was just a tool for me to get more decadent.

Yeah.