Coleman Ruiz

Yep.

That's exactly right.

Thank you for saying that.

The fear was this will go on forever.

Um, but so yes, it, that I just did not want to, you know, back to Bessel van der Kolk's, when I read this word in his book, body keeps the score, alexithymia, if that's a real thing where you can't put, um, language to, you know, what's going on.

Um,

I didn't want to put language to it.

I couldn't, I just didn't feel like it.

Like I just felt like gutting through it.

And then I got, you know, once a week therapy, amazing people.

And I don't know, Andrew, the first three months was, you know, I mean, gutting through.

I just couldn't I couldn't seem to shed that emotional like burden of pick the category of stuff from the last, let's just say, 20 years.

It was just, but it was all, I couldn't stop it from coming out.

And obviously that's a good thing.

And so that just continued.

And every day got, and when I say, this is the tough part for at least me.

And I know a lot of guys like me, the gains are minuscule, you know, but things improved slowly but surely.

Not really.

And that was nice.

You know, you see that there's some stall, you know,