Coleman Ruiz

You have all these people helping you, and then you hit this thing that's so unusual.

I'm like, I don't want anybody to help me, and I don't want to tell anybody about it.

It's like, what is that, Andrew?

It's like, what is that?

And it's not like I wasn't in these environments where I've been coached and mentored.

I've had coaches and mentors on my ass my whole fucking life.

Like, instructors, you know, it's a nonstop.

And I don't know.

Like, I couldn't, I just couldn't do it until I did it.

And then...

And, you know, it's been a process since, and I'm super grateful for it.

And I don't know where we are in the journey, but in terms of like the hero's journey, but I hope I'm at freedom to live some version of it because with my, this is dangerous because I only say this like with my really, really, really close friends.

I know this is going to more people in my club.

I feel like a completely different person.

And none of that stuff really ever goes away.

It's all a process, right?

And I'm never going to stop the process.

But I don't even recognize myself in some ways anymore.

And that's been a good thing because in those times when I was just on the 24-hour horizon sometimes, I just did not know what the fuck was going on other than exactly what I was doing, you know?

And it's just an odd experience to be in a different place.