Coleman Ruiz

And it's scary to know

That without that experience and without people really kind of forcing me to get help and things forcing me, I might be doing the same stuff, which is a hard way to live, you know?

Or worse, which has happened to many of our buddies, you know?

And I want to go, like, retroactively hug them and collect them up in, like, a net and say, guys, just stop for a second.

You know, like, we...

it doesn't, it doesn't have to go there.

Yeah, you have to.

And

You just got to tell somebody, you know, it's like, it's crazy how simple that is, Andrew.

I mean, months.

I can't tell anybody.

I call it the low-grade pain.

Okay, for me, it was – there was a low-grade –

just slight hot burning starting in 07 probably before that but it was for me it was a weird mix and you're like an uncertainty a seeking a this just doesn't feel right like it has to be fixed there has to be an intellectual and achievement way to sort of get around this is where

the Buddhist writing and thinking really helped me a lot.

There has to be a way around this low grade unsatisfactoriness somehow.

My sense for me, and I'm obviously not, you know, the Dr. Conti in the room, just because of all the things I've learned, it just had to be

this constant, I'll use the word trauma, but for me it was like something had to happen to our system.

Obviously it does.

Something happens to our system that is a little bit of a, boom, there's a shock there.