Craig

Yeah, who is this? This is Craig with Auto Services Towing. You have a blue Mercedes?

Well, it's being towed right now. Are you at the first warm lot?

Yes, sir.

I don't know. The property manager here in Fenton said that it needs to be cleared out.

And this episode is the first in a trilogy of episodes.

But here's the thing. Yeah. The thing about this episode and Kevin's path to rock bottom, which is, as I view this, what it is, and his experience with addiction, and the lining up of history, trauma, all of these things that have brought him to where he is now.

The ironic part about when I was watching this scene, having had some of these experiences myself with program, with recovery, with sobriety, is that that coach, those people are the ones who are right. What Kevin is living in, what Kevin is living in is self-involved shame, narcissism to a certain level, self-centered thinking that he thinks we feel we have regret for things.

We feel regret for things we've done. We feel shame for things that we think we are.

And he is in this shame spiral of who he thinks he is, and he's wrong. Because we know Kevin. He is not this person. He is just a person in crisis. He's a person who is actively being dragged down by his addiction. And the ironic part is that his dad would be proud. even though he is struggling, even though he is at a certain point.

He deserves all of these things. And the actual crime here is that he's so self-involved and so woe is me and so full of shame that he can't see that they're right.

That's interesting. Well, this is the confusing part about addiction, right? And this is the confusing part about people who are addicts and people who love addicts. Yeah. Meeting, finding common ground about who you are and who you want to be. Because he, again, we talked about this in the last episode, he's also not wrong. Yeah, currently, you are not behaving. You're not acting like yourself.

You are not living up to the highest level of who you are as a human being. But all of this is necessary to arrive at a place where you turn around and go back the other direction, right? Rock bottom is only where you stop and turn around and go back the other way. It's different for all these other people. But there's all of these, this episode is just full of them, right?

His need to be with someone, his need to be touched by someone, his need to be seen, his need to be saved from drowning. That's all these, as Kevin reaches out and hooks up with this person or gets in bed with this person, he's like, I'm drowning. Are you a life jacket? Are you a life preserver?

And addiction, as a broad idea, isn't just like pills or alcohol or sex or whatever the thing is that you're attaching to to try and save yourself. The real problem becomes these character defects. which is this attachment to shame, this attachment to, I'm a piece of shit, I don't deserve any of this.

That is what you become addicted to, this way of thinking that then leads you to like, well, if I think this way and it must be true, then maybe I'll just behave that way so that everything lines up. And what we see in the beginning of this episode is the very beginnings of like a self-centered, someone who's trying to save himself.

He is developing a coping mechanism, which is confidence, which quickly turns into arrogance. You know, with the coach, they show him in the hallway. It's this coping mechanism that becomes a defense mechanism And then as he gets older, it becomes such a part of his personality that it turns into this defective process where it doesn't work. It works for a while until it doesn't.

And then he has to add all this other stuff, drugs, alcohol, whatever the thing is.

You know, bath time can be, well, let's just say an adventure, right? Whether you're trying to get your kids in the tub or convincing them that shampoo isn't a punishment, it's not always smooth sailing.

Oh my gosh, when we laid these things out, Bear likes the lemon and the strawberry, and Aoife is particular to the melon.

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But the selfishness of the situation is like, well, then don't come here, mistreat this crowd of people. Sure, yeah. Have some humility, have some respect. This is not the spot to- Have some gratitude, which humility, respect, and gratitude are the antidotes to all of these other things we've been talking about. That ails him, yeah.

I mean, I can tell you, there was a time early on when I had just quit drinking where I was so self-involved, so woe is me, so down on myself that I inadvertently caused a scene at a very good friend's wedding. And I didn't cause a scene, I diverted attention because people were like, what's up with, why is he so down? That's not Chris. Chris isn't a down person.

And it didn't occur to me because I was so involved in my own bullshit to like set that aside and celebrate. And I had to have like a conversation with that friend and her husband afterwards to make amends to apologize for that person who showed up who wasn't there for them, who was thinking about himself.

The anecdote I just gave was during season one of this show.

That's right.

Listen, it was a process, right? And I was going through all of that. I mean, I quit drinking in between the shooting of the pilot and when we started shooting. You know what I mean? So it was all through the first three, four seasons of the show, me trying to figure this stuff out.

So as we talk about on this show, holding. joy and grief. Never before in my life had I been asked to hold the most joy I could have possibly held with this, the greatest thing that's happened to me in my career with the literally rock bottom of my personal life.

I won't. I'll never forget Taserface. I mean, it's metaphorical. I just want to make sure. Okay.

That's why sometimes I have a hard time expressing to people what this show means to me, because it was a literal... life vest, you know, it was a literal manual on how to live a connected life where I turn towards people instead of turning away. You know what I mean?

There's a reason why this episode means a lot to me. and why I think Justin is so good in this episode. And it's a different mirror.

He's reaching for anything.

He goes out to the football field. Man, listen. With a bottle of wine. And he gives the performance of the series.

Truly. I mean. For real.

Still not good. It still hasn't worked out. It's not great. This was not the healthiest choice.

And maybe I misspoke earlier about the football field scene. this is the performance of the series.

No, I don't think so.

Welcome to Rock Bottom.

On the front lawn of a stranger's house. And did she throw it out? Like, how does- No, we don't ever see him get it back. We don't see him get it back. In this episode.

Yeah.

is a beast.

Oh, we do. K.J., Becca, K. Yeah, we got to, yeah.

KJ the whole time.

I'm a tracker backer, by the way. A tracker backer? Yeah, I'm a trackie. I'm trying to name his fans.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the fan segment of the show. And today we have a letter from a fan named Lori. Lori, yes. Yeah, in this episode.

Yeah. And so we thought that we would just read you the letter. The letter speaks for itself.

During that difficult time and those sleepless nights, This Is Us was my lifeline. Binge watching episodes helped distract me from the physical distress and the beautifully written relatable characters provided me some much needed comfort. I'm proud to say I overcame my addiction to painkillers and would never go back.

Watching Kevin battle his addiction demons at the same time as I was battling mine was incredibly cathartic, and I noticed how every character had their own addictions, whether with food, control, perfectionism, or substance abuse. Each struggle mirrored some of my own experiences, and it reminded me how universally human those battles are.

Beyond the addiction themes, so many of the characters resonated with me. Like Kate, I was also the only girl in a family with two brothers, and I was bullied as a child by mean girls who I thought were my friends. The pool scene made me cry. And Kate's toxic relationship with Mark mirrored my own teenage experience with an abusive boyfriend. I also related to Randall's anxiety.

being a type A control freak myself. I understand how crippling it can be when life spirals out of control, as it often does. And somehow, as Randall learned to let go, I did too.

Amen. I know we were going to let this letter speak for itself, but I will just say really quick, Lori, I'm very glad that you made it through. But this letter reminds us that we are not alone. Amen. And that you do not have to go through this alone. Yes. And that sometimes going through something like withdrawal alone can actually be very dangerous.

So if you are looking to make a change in your life, you can ask for help. Yeah. Reach out. There are places you can go. There are people who will help you so that you don't have to do this alone. And there are people in your life who love you, who will help support you through that.

this letter connected us with Lori. And now I feel less alone.

Having heard her story.

You think it was... Should we call Zoe real quick?

This Retread could just be Justin, Justin, Justin, Justin, Justin, Justin, Justin, Justin.

This Justin. This Justin. Justin. Justin. Justin did. Justin did so hard. He crushed it.

Retread this. Finding new little details. You are not alone. Amen. You are loved. Yes. You are capable of being loved and you are capable of loving others.

And she picked right up. Hold on one second. This guy's unhinged. Hey, we're actually playing the game on the podcast right now. Real beard, fake beard.

No, we're serious. We can't remember and we couldn't tell if Justin's beard in his first episode is real or fake. Would you like to answer the question?

That was one ring she picked up. She really did. That was a great fake beard. She likes you, Craig. I guess. Yeah.

saying, see you tomorrow.

Sure.

There you go. Eight games. Eight games. Eight games. It was rancid. And then you eventually lost a game? And then we eventually lost a game. And you also had a yeast infection in your armpits. Possibly. Possibly. All those things happen.

The arrogance.

He views it as, he seems to view it as weakness. Yes.

And it's like, it's really challenging our audience to be like, is this where you would have gotten popped? Is this where you would have gotten? No. It would have happened a long time ago for me. This kid's already taken it three steps further.

Really showing the zen nature of Jack Pearson.

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Or when Rachel and I travel with the kids, being able to send them to bed, but we can stay up as late as we want in the house. You know, instead of all huddled in the same hotel room, sitting in the dark for a couple of hours.

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Golik was stuck on the tarmac for three hours.

How come they canceled school in Tallahassee in northern Florida? Are you kidding me? Like, my daughter is going to school right now in Chicago. It is 14 below there, and it's 38 degrees in Tallahassee. We've shut down school.

Well, it's snowing in Tallahassee, which is, I mean... Barely Florida. It's the northernmost part of Florida. So if it's snowing in Atlanta, it would stand to reason snowing in Tallahassee is not that far off and not that big of a deal. Right.

To Greg's point, no one wants to be told when to cheer, how to cheer. We're going to cheer. Oh, no. I love a good over the PA system...

Yeah, Greg, it's an odd take from you only from this standpoint. I agree with what it is you're saying, but you strike me as someone who would love to be a hype man.

This is the Don Labrador Show with the Stugats.

That's what I'm saying. You would enjoy that.

He's warming up to the idea.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? It's not bad. With your initials on it.

Yes. Come on.

You get in wherever you want. Yeah.

There is something to that, Dan, where on Monday I was out of gas. I can't believe I'm saying this. I didn't want more football. Really? Yeah.

I wasn't in the mood for a college football national championship game. It was a Monday. Liar.

So what's the problem?

I've always treated college football as some sort of appetizer for the NFL, and so I like my college football to come before the NFL. I got Ravens and Bills, and then I was forced to watch something that I was interested in, but the product was not nearly as good.

Right.

Give me the 40 minutes I can get in the bathroom. He said nothing about kids. I never mention kids or my family.

Yeah. What a blessing, though, they are. Oh, they're the best. Love you, kids.

Oh, no.

It's easy to sit there and not have kids and tell other parents how easy it is to say no. It's not easy. It's impossible.

It was a weird day.

He could, but he's not immortal is what we're saying.

Delaney Walker has more catches than he does.

But Goddard stiff-armed a guy and then slowed down to stiff-arm the same guy again.

I think Shannon. I think, yeah, Hernandez.

I wish it were you. I know, I do too.

What a weird sentence.

Oh, Groucho.

That is rough for Heyman. I mean, that's as far as he'll go.

Careful. That's too much.

10 characters of any actor, Greg.

No, it's as far as John Heyman is willing to go. So he's really pissed off.

Bonafides. Exactly. Yeah.

Yeah, I think so. How about house arrest, though? I mean, seems a bit excessive.

Classic brown wave. Right. But you left us hanging. Yeah.

I think I want the whole experience.

You have to have a clean record, and you have to have strong ties to the community.

To get what? To get house arrest.

I don't have to visit.

Imagine having the ability to say, I can't go out with you tonight.

Can I just buy a house arrest monitor and put it on myself to tell people?

See if we can get a deal on two of those.

It's a great out.

It really did.

Exactly right.

You have to start sending the family away, Billy.

Oh, yeah, no, of course not.

Yeah. It's delayed, right? It's so sad. It morphs.

Why'd you poop blood? It's a good question. Happens to the best of us. We're all thinking about it, dude.

Let's move on. Okay.

I know. I mean, I'm concerned about you. You said you pooped blood.

So I didn't know if it was true or not.

Man, let me tell you something, man. I wish they let us wear hats in hockey. They be telling us, you can't wear that. Am I confusing the customer? I say, why come Bear Bryant can wear that hat? Why come Vince Lombardi can wear one? But I can't wear no hat indoors, huh? My name is Craig Berube and I'm the coach of the Maple Leafs.

Da ist ein Gewinner. Das ist derjenige, der den Präsidenten erschossen hat. John David Booty hat den Präsidenten erschossen.

Now, I have a question to you. You're admitted by your own words there. That Jalen Brunson... ... is more popular. I don't know much about basketball or baseball. I'm a hockey man myself. But you're saying that Jalen Brunson is more popular than Aaron Judge. And you are the baseball man. So if you said it, it goes.

Well, you just killed it right there, folks.

Hey, Adnan, while we have you here, you're a big Star Wars fan, I'm a big Star Wars fan. Adnan! Adnan! Er ist nicht falsch. Er ist nicht falsch.

Er hat nicht gekostet. Er hat nicht gekostet. Er hat nicht gekostet. Er hat nicht gekostet. Er hat nicht gekostet.

And he is black. And he is a man.

Du bist Pat Ewing-Jungs. Jetzt. Und du warst es 2006, weil du merkst, oh Scheiße, wir hatten es gut und wir haben es nicht genossen. Als Pat spielte, Was ist mit Joe Budlon? Das kann nicht so sein wie Pat Ewing, wenn man sich an den Layup anschaut. Sie haben Pat gehofft. Sie haben Pat gehofft. Das ist der Grund, warum Pat keine Autogramme eingestellt hat.

Das ist der Grund, warum er keine Autogramme eingestellt hat. Das ist der Grund, warum er keine Fotos gemacht hat. Weil er alle Sachen erinnert hat. Alle Sachen, die die jungen Leute damals gesagt haben. In der Moment. Aktive Knicks. Jalen Brunson ist mehr lieb als Patrick Ewing. In the moment.

Twitter hätte nicht mehr positive Dinge gemacht. Wir wissen das. Es gibt keine Zeit, in der es so ist, dass man es braucht, um positive Dinge zu machen. Twitter.

Miro, ich habe Sam Miro das andere Tag gefragt, ich werde dir die gleiche Frage stellen. Rang diese Schüsse für mich an. Allen Houston gegen The Heat. Larry Johnson, vier Punkte Spiel. Jalen Brunson, um die Pistons nach Hause zu senden.

Hey, Adnan, du bist ein Star Wars Fan.

He's got a book coming out. Soon, wherever you get books. Edmund, Stugatz and I have dueling people in sports with names that can know Star Wars. We wanted you to kind of help us, you know, judge it.

Okay, I've got two as well. Go ahead, alternate, you and me. Okay.

OG1, Anu Kanobi.

Nummer 3, Grievous Vasquez. Das ist sein Name!

Das ist schwer zu sagen! Nr. 1 Glenn Yoda! Er ist der NBA-Editor für die Athletik.

Viele NBA-Rider wissen, wer er ist.

Er hat die Frage nicht beantwortet. Er hat die Frage nicht beantwortet.

Ich habe eine Frage für dich. Wie viel hat der Coach für den Maple Leafs gesagt, dass die Jungs versuchen, den Torwart zu rufen? Wie viel Motivation hast du für die Jungs? Ist das der Südhockey-Coach? Wer ist das? Wir lassen sie uns nicht herumschlagen.

Don.

Number two. I'm the hockey coach with a little bit of southern swag to him. He thought that was Don King. Well, you know. I don't know who that is. Don King is. Die große Unterschiede zwischen Domkang und dem Head Coach eines Hockey-Teams sind zwei Dinge. Nummer eins, Domkang benutzt viel mehr blaue Sprache. Ich nicht. Meine Jungs können es nicht verstehen. Sie haben sich auf den Kopf geschlagen.

Zu viele violente Schläge auf das Gehirn, wenn du weißt, was ich meine. Ich bin Colton Rocket 5. Schau auf Cinepho, wo auch immer du Podcasts hast.

How much do you think factored in when I told my boys, hey man, we gonna let them push our boy around like that?

Two different people all along, Dan.

Adnan, if you will. Adnan, if you will. I'm accusing Dan Leppertal of racism. I don't see race. How do you know I'm a white coach or a black coach? I just happen to have a little southern twang and you just assume because it's hockey?

Man, ich würde dir jetzt sagen, die erste Familie der Baseballer ist die Necrows und sie lieben auch Hockey. Adnan, wie du warst, wie viel hat dir das geholfen, wenn ich den Jungs gesagt habe, hey Mann, sie werden nicht unsere Jungs so umdrehen lassen.

Was macht ihr?

I'm the coach of the Maple Leafs. Berube.

But none of you know how to eat. Just stop eating on camera for Christ's sake. The show's about manners.

I cannot wait about Severance to start again. So yeah, I'll be doing the same thing. Watching it all through Prime. It's convenient to not have to leave the Prime Video app to switch between all of these subscriptions.

and uh she starts talking about how she she's like i always feel bad for austin and then she just starts to laugh i mean look at him he's just pathetic and she's so tall you know at least short people got blamed into the crowd but he's just such a tall loser i mean it's just like a target just being right up there we can all aim for it you know i just feel bad for the guy

And, of course, we get a shot. She's like, we've had Epsom tans. And then we get the shot of, God, Madison's insane, with him grabbing his wiener. And she's just passing the camera going, you motherfucker, I'm going to kill you and all your firstborns.

Look, he just takes my friendship for granted. If he wants to play victim in all of this, I mean, fuck that guy. He's pushing me away. And I don't know what to tell you. We were friends, but now we're like strangers.

I really like when they showed the clip of them, Craig shirtless, sitting in his pool, leaning back, having a beer. And Austin's like, God, Craig, all you do is work. And he's like, all I do is work anymore. It's like lounging by your pool.

I mean, I do think Craig's just like, you guys mostly want to go out and get shit-faced, and I'm not going out and getting shit-faced. So what do you want me to do? And it is hard when you're used to getting shit-faced with people, and then you have to come up with alternate things to do. I remember one of my friends got sober, and I was like, okay, well, now what do we do?

Like we literally sat there and stared at each other like, should we go to an amusement park? I mean, we went to like Six Flags. We ate a lot. That's for damn sure. We got real fat. And I think we, you know, like how many times can you go to Ross Rest for Less together and look at the home section? It's not very big. So, I mean, I get it.

You know, if that's your hobby, it's very difficult to find another hobby is all I'm saying. Yeah. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

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Like, wow, you want me to go in there and yell at the principal? Tell him that those bullies keep messing with you and they're going to have money to deal with? And he's like, no, mama, come on. He's like, well, you know, I'm going to try Augusta again, but if that doesn't work out, I guess I'm going to have to go back to my high school friends, mama.

I'm just going to have to keep going back until there's someone to hang out with me. She's like, just don't show pictures of your couch, honey, because nobody's going to want to be friends with someone from the... Actually, his couch here is pretty cute in the apartment. I'm referring to that ugly couch that he bought for his rental that she hated.

Also, I can never feel sorry for a guy who's like, but I'm just honest.

Because that's the sign of huge douchebaggery.

I don't know that I would have even apologized to Taylor. You know, and seeing those clips, they played those clips from last week a lot over and over.

Taylor, you're on a reality show about messiness, and you literally dated Shep to get on this show, and now you're dating another person who's like TV ready to be on this show, and now you're storming out every other episode, and I just don't know that you have that right. And also, you're supposed to be messy on the show. What do you think we want to sit here and watch you talk about?

People bringing up your plot is kind of doing you a favor, you dummy. It's called your job. You're not doing it. Someone has to do it. Would you think we would just want to sit here and watch you play pickleball with the semi-hot ears guy? No.

She's a sweet girl because she texts me sometimes, you know, and she'll say something nice to me. I'm just like, what a nice girl. And she's like, well, she does love you, Mama. Benita does love you. I mean, she really does, you know, and I know you like her too. And he's like, yeah, you know, my mama's right. Benita's a shining star.

And, you know, there's chemistry between us, but we just don't talk about it because, you know, we just have this...

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My turn. It's like JT's big end of Gypsy moment. Can you tell I saw Gypsy last night on Broadway? He's like, here he is, boys.

She's got a lot more storyline in this show. That's for sure. Um, but yeah, I don't know. And also you're just making this huge amount of food for Leva. Who's just like, she looks at it like, um, I make an extreme effort to not ever touch that. So I don't know what you think I'm doing here. Leva is also just like, oh, here I am filming a scene. How long do I have to stay here?

I mean, I've really got things to do. So.

pack and leva is like okay so did you make out with jt i'm just saying you guys have chemistry i feel like the more that we talk about you guys having chemistry you guys will actually have chemistry for the audience yeah and uh she's like okay oh my god oh my god i just don't know listen you're trying too hard to stay on this show when you go this low and i'm i'm doing it with my hands to go this low and i realize i'm i'm making a short joke but i don't really mean to do that

but when you steep that low you not only embarrass yourself but you kind of hurt your back because that that is he's really low he's really low just stop it do better yeah so um she's like teehee i just like him so much and everybody's like oh my god they're fighting and i'm like oh my god he's so cute and love is like oh my god you're like yeah is he tan like is he fighting like i'm gonna make out with that guy but level looks kind of grossed out you know

but I didn't get the vibes from Manny that Manny was really into it either. I mean, remember that breakup scene they showed when Manny's like, yep, I'm going to go to Broadway. She's like, Oh my God, we're going to Broadway. He's like, I'm going to Broadway.

Oh, well, maybe he will be back in three months. You see how it goes? You got to love when Broadway people are like, three months? There's no way I'll be back in three months. Maybe 10 years. It's like three months later. He's like, oh, yeah, that wasn't my best work. I'm back. I'm back. Illinois.

Listen. Vanita, this whole storyline is like a class pass. I'm just not buying it. I'm never going to buy it. There's nothing you're going to do to make me buy it. I'm not going to do it. Okay.

Yeah, make sure they're going to listen. You know what I mean? If you're going to need to boss somebody around, you're going to need to get a listener. And no one on this cast is going to do it, I'll tell you right now. Men in Charleston have too many options. You need to move.

So she's like, yeah, he's a marriage guy. Love is like, yeah, he's totally a marriage guy. I mean, who wouldn't want to marry that guy? Like, seriously, if you know that if there's a bad storm, that man is going to build you a dam.

Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Good. Very excited. Tomorrow is the Golden Crappies here in New York City. It's finally here. The day has finally come. We're so excited. If you don't have tickets, get streaming tickets. They're available right now on WatchWhatCrappens.com. It's our yearly award show. It's going to be fabulous. Then next week, we will be in Salt Lake City and Denver.

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She's like, hey, do you have two hours? I've just got a tuba to play for you.

Yeah, and this is one of those scenes that really kind of illustrates, I think, what a lot of people go through, especially in a town like Charleston, where the men have way too many options. And it's kind of sad to watch. Like, you've got these two gorgeous girls with every, like, their whole beautiful lives in front of them, like... I hope we look good for guys, and especially Sally.

I'm not necessarily, I shouldn't say that about Molly, because Sally is the one who's like, well, it's not like my ex-fiance told me your boobs aren't good. Oh, because she's talking about how she got a breast reduction. So she's like, well, I started doing Botox because I was insecure, but also it makes me happy.

And then I got a breast reduction because it's not like my boyfriend, my ex-fiancee told me my boobs weren't good enough, but it's just all the girls he was cheating on me with just had these bigger boobs. So I got porn boobs. He's looking at porn a lot, so I got porn boobs. And then I thought, am I doing this for me? No, I'm not really. I was like, this is so sad. I don't like this.

I just want to go firebomb that guy's house.

That girl has cankle tits now. Like, that is my hero on Bravo. Someone who's just like, take my cankles and put them in my boobs. I mean, that's the best Bravo shit I've ever heard. And I was not expecting to immediately stan her.

during this episode i mean look i already love her because she plays the tuba and she eats cupcake sandwiches okay she's already got that going for her but it was cemented today put the woman's hand in some cement and get them on a sidewalk because she has cankle boobs on purpose and she's like that's right and i tell people hey babe big boy do you like that they're my cankles they were terrible you should have seen how big they are yes

Girl, I'm getting my waddle put into my boobs. Just wait. And I knew you were going to say that.

I'm going to have a waddle dick. I'm going to get my waddle injected into my dick, period.

um so anyway yeah so she she had that procedure and um she's like well people are not giving me bad uh feedback which is nice and sal is like yeah so um i think it was yeah she's like guys are saying i'm look great so i guess it looks good well glad you're not looking for fucking validation anymore with the new one i'm glad you got new ones to not get validation from the ex-fiance just everybody else now come on man you're better than this

uh for our mass hysteria tour and that tour will be continuing through may so check watch what crappens.com for ticket links and also for videos like this you're watching right now and uh for our traders recaps which are great and fun and we love that show so thank you so much for being here everybody we sure love you oh also announcement what we will be covering in salt lake city and denver in salt lake we're going to do salt lake reunion part three and gotta do it

I was all scared. Molly's like, well, I'm not super forward. I'm just like really awkward. Like I like playing the tuba. I'm just such a nerd. And I'm like, is this going to be a thing now? Because like, I mean, he's with Sienna. It's not like I'm like trying to steal some guy. Tee hee, tee hee. Am I doing this right?

They'll also use really big words out of context and kind of mispronounce them a lot. It's going to be amazing. Can't wait. I see my whole life in front of me. It's like a community theater production of Shakespeare where no one can remember their lines.

And Austin's just looking around the room doing that mouth thing. He's like, uh, what do you mean? Like, Austin knows something and he's not telling Shep, is what I'm saying. And he's like, yeah, well, she should have, you know, she should have texted, you know. But at that point, I was just kind of spiraling, you know. So, oh, God, you want me to read it? I just, I said on Sunday, where are you?

And Austin's like, uh, just like, hard stop. Just hard stop. Like, what?

You know Taylor is sitting at home just like stabbing a ham. You know what I mean? I feel like she pulled a ham out of the refrigerator.

Taylor pulled out a ham. She slammed it down on the coffee table and she's just stabbing it as she watches the scene. Because all the work that she put into Shep and Shep with this new person is just suddenly like...

I agree that he's a dog. I don't know that we've ever seen Shep chase a person, though. I don't know that Shep's really a chaser. He's just kind of a liar downer, in my opinion. But I will say, I do think now he's becoming more of a chaser because he's realized that he's old and he's not pulling the same that he did before.

Yeah, in Denver, we're going to be doing Southern Charm, this very show. Speaking of, thank you to Andy and Watch What Happens Live for having us on as bartenders last night. That was so fun, and we got to be on that with Southern Charm stars, Austin Kroll. This is the thing right now.

because Taylor was like what four years ago that that started and I think things changed okay and his reputation got worse and worse and worse as well as his you know general age I mean we age that's that's how life works and I think he's got this young beautiful girl and it's because she's young I think he's chasing her youth you know and I get it because I'm getting older

and i see younger people and i really want to start carrying around a syringe and just start stealing their stem cells out of their spinal fluid you know i'm just like i'm on the subway i'm so close to that 20 year old spine i could just get a little stem cell out of there and inject it right into my cheek and everything will be okay and i think shep's just realizing that this might be his last option you know it's his last chance to get a youngin

That was a really long text, which basically said,

and patricia also so that was super fun to hang out with those guys and um don't worry i already told austin uh i'm gonna come back to work and still mock him relentlessly so yeah don't worry we didn't get paid off or anything like that uh but we did have a really really good time

And Austin's like, well, sorry to hear this, ma'am. But, you know, I really am. But you've hung out with her for like six weekends. I mean, that's nothing. Are you kidding? Six weekends? In gay life, that is like our 10th anniversary. You're fucking talking about six weekends? That's a lot.

Yeah, I think that's exactly what Shep's doing here. I mean, I know that we're all supposed to feel sorry for Shep because he's getting used by this girl. And poor Shep, his heart is broken. But that's exactly what they're going for on this show. And I hope you guys aren't falling for it because when Austin says it's like a humanizing quality to Shep, that's why they're doing it, okay?

He needs a humanizing moment, and I'm not falling for it.

Yeah, I think that he's just, he picks somebody who's not there so he can cheat all the time. But then he can still say, I have a beautiful girlfriend and she's young, so I'm still sexually viable. And then he doesn't have to put in the work to actually be a boyfriend because she's not ever there. And I mean, I just think it's like a whole perfect package and it's just all for his reputation.

I love it. Hold on. Let me let Ashley's children sit on there.

I think so, too. It's all a charcuterie of douchebaggery. You know what I mean?

You know, your mind wanders to places, and it just sucks, you know? My fear, my paranoia, as if there's a dude, some dude, who seems like a big shot. Maybe he is a big shot. I don't know. I wonder how much mailbox money he gets. I wonder if his dad prefers wooden blinds on rental homes.

I don't know. I can't wait to ask her.

But, you know, like in my mind. god are we not doing that and i'm like wow you even gave her the cast trip you gave this new person the cast trip oh you are so pathetic and this is such karma but again it's hard for me to believe that he didn't set this up to make himself look like a huge victim time will tell time will tell

Like, whoa. Like, this is nuts right now. Like, I just want to, like, begin our, like, footing again. You know? Like, I want to start getting back to, like, having a very solid relationship.

Yeah. You can see why he would just wake up with two girls in his bed while he's got a girlfriend. I mean, you basically see that happening. It's wild. That is definitely someone who wants to have a girlfriend that lives out of town. I'll tell you that much.

She's our kind of mess. It's Jennifer Messer. Sip some scotch with Jessica Trach.

I love-a-ya Olivia Williamson. Tastier than Flanderson, it's Rachel Manderson.

Yes, we can-a, it's Sedana.

We love you guys. If you like Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.

Watch what crappens, watch what crappens, watch what crappens. We are people working outside of Levis Restaurant right now. Republic. All right, let's get into it. Southern charm. Southern charm. Okay, we start at Austin's house. He's screaming like a little girl because he sees a wasp nest attached to his door. And guess what? I don't blame him.

Although I will say, looking at Charleston wasp... God damn, I'm gay. Wasp... Wasp nests. How do straight people say it? Wasp nest. Wasp... Wasp... Wasp nests. Um...

texas wasp nests are way bigger so we should be more scared those things are like tiny little dogs crawling over honeycomb you know ours are humongous like you better run i have to get a wasp sprayer that like goes 20 feet because my ass stands very far away and then i run and then i have a blanket to throw over myself because that will kill you

like don't do that like it's dangerous it's not where you should be it's gonna be a threat to everything and we're just gonna kill you because we're not gonna like having you there and that's what austin does but what i felt bad about was don't give a fuck that's what i'll tell you wasp do not give a fuck and they're daring us they're daring us to pull out the spray so they can attack our asses listen they don't get to live like really long productive lives like there's no college plan for a wasp they want to kill a bitch okay and they're gonna get us

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They don't care.

Truly. Luckily, Austin got so afraid of the wasps that he was like, oh, my God, Madison, and his spit landed on the wasp mess, so it dissolved before he even had to spray it, which is great.

That's why later in the show when they were following Austin down the street, the camera kept kind of wobbling because the cameraman was limping. You know, because you know his ass got stung. He was just like crawling along the ground, just holding the camera like, I will get this shot. I will get it.

Yeah, the problem is you have to have the upper body strength to pull yourself back up because there's bars and you kind of pull on the bars and it brings you back up. And it's supposed to be very easy, but I'm not a light person. So I have worried, you know, and it's hard being blind when your stomach like comes and covers your eyes, like your your boob flap comes and covers.

I'm like, wait a minute. I'm not used to my boobs being like this.

I care about Charles. How dare you? But I will say that this is an episode about Shep's girlfriend totally using him and being a user and camera ready and all this. But no one's complaining about this dog. I mean, this dog literally goes right in front of her face and sits down and stares straight into the camera. Why is no one worried about this dog being a user?

Welcome, I'm ready for my closeup. So then, let's see, Miss Patricia is FaceTiming Whitney and he's like, mother, I'm in Cannes. Yeah, look, look, there's Cannes. She's like, oh, wow, fantastic. I've never seen Cannes before, Whitney, wow. You're just there like I am, except way far back into the city. He's like, can you see the bay? She's like, I've been closer.

Well, not anymore.

Then we see Madison arriving at a place called Frothy Beard Brewing Company. Gross. Shave. Shave Brewing Company. And you know there's food stuck in that Brewing Company's beard. I don't care. ZZ Top is dead, okay? Well, I don't know if literally, but like figuratively. Let's just all stop with those beards that come down to our chins. It's gross. Wear a napkin like everybody else, okay?

I don't want to see shrimp peels in somebody's beard trying to come make out with me.

Great. Sounds like a delicious beer. Can't wait to drink it.

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You're a friend with the natural cast of the traitors. Everybody on this show betrays each other constantly.

Also, in the beginning, she was doing that whole act.

fuck craig craig is the reason that everybody's mad at jt in the first place i love that they're acting like saint craig is over here doing something nice for jt jt is the one who ruined his reputation in the first place well the canes didn't help let me say it did not help i'm not going to be totally on this show because he's a total douchebag too just in a smaller beavery package but um yeah

He wasn't telling a lie. Brett did call and demand to know what happened in that room and who else was in there.

You decided to go work for the evil empire, okay? Who's the traitor now?

Yeah, you're just a real fucking helper, Craig. You really deserve a hero statue in the middle of town. I hope they take one of those racist ones down and just put Craig up there like, I tried to reintegrate JT. Like, no, it doesn't work like that. You were the one who kicked him out in the first place. So he's like, yeah, I wanted to tell you the next day. He's like, I know.

I watched Dune Prophecy recently and I love that show. That's on Max.

But listen, if anything, it just hurt my feelings because I do think that our relationship is stronger than your and JT's relationship. So he's like, watching men eat on this show, I swear to God, can't they do it like housewife shows where you put food down in front of them and they never touch it? I mean, have some manners. Nobody wants to watch you eat with your mouth open.

And also, what are the parents? I know Craig wasn't even raised here, but why do parents on this show not tell their children to close their mouth while they eat?

Austin and Shep are both pretty bad. Because Shep just, he's always eating chips and guacamole, I've noticed. And he always just does it like. He's like kind of an open garbage. But like he's half eating and half moisturizing his face with the guacamole. And then Austin eats like, if a bird was eating a gumdrop, he's like. Yeah. He's like more mouth forward when he eats and spittley. Yeah.

And Craig's like, but you see why it's not going to be fun to go out on a party boat if all of us have something to talk to you about? Like, why don't you just apologize to people?

Ha, got you. So he's like, you know, things are not going to get better with me sitting here. So I'm going to go to the bar.

There you go.

And Austin's like, that is a different animal. How dare you compare that to them?

I don't care how dare you conflate that two.

Commercials. Here comes one right now.

Yeah, but you know what? This isn't healthy. Like, you slept on a beach chair because of her, you know? Like, you don't want anything to do with that.

And he's like, but, like, everything you're going through, like, is her fault. Because, like, if three weeks ago you planned this trip, those feelings were the same. Like, we'd be one big happy family.

Well, here's what he's hung up on because he's like, how could someone tell me that they loved me three weeks ago and now act like this?

You know, your friends can be like, come on, man.

Go where the tide is.

It's very obvious she's stringing him on now, okay?

I could technically write up the visa paperwork for her, like a K-1, which just means if Shep proposes, she would get a temporary visa.

Okay.

And Austin goes, obviously, it doesn't take Freud to figure that one out, okay? God, fucking idiot. I thought gay people were supposed to be smart.

Thank you.

Yeah, but she's drinking him along now like a poor person.

And Craig's like, we can be wingmen. We know what we're doing.

Isn't that what he said?

He's like, I feel like I can sense people's energies right away. And I know any hope that I had that Sienna was genuine with her feelings with Shep disappeared as soon as she walked in the room.

And Craig's like, well, I mean, if he's going to California anyway, it's better to be in the Bahamas than just like sitting around Charleston.

Yeah, but they were saying, I love you and stuff.

Enjoy it back there in the middle of the homeliest people in town.

Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens?

Gross. Who are you?

It's a Megalodon tooth.

So Shep was like, speaking of sharks, Craig, the necklace, look, Megalodon tooth sighting, 3 p.m.

I put a lot of thought into that Megalodon necklace.

Oh, I don't even have a car. I'm kidding. Of course I have a car. I was making reference to the passenger seat thing. Oh, gosh.

Yeah, I'm just a humble boy standing in front of a girl asking her to enjoy a Megalodon tooth.

Gosh, I can't keep control. If it's past a thou, I don't know. Was Joanna Crohn's in Macbeth? Because if she wasn't, I don't know.

We were almost in love by a small window. Gosh.

So Steph's like, oh my gosh, this is crazy, Craig. It's crazy. I got this necklace for a girl. Will I look like a fool? Will I look like a tool? Will I look like Ja Rule if I give it to her?

And it's dark, and y'all are here. Thank you for being a star, whoever you are. Now, can I get a coffee, please? Uh-uh.

Oh, so just three little birds having a cocktail. Am I right, guys?

Now that I think about it, she never really did say I love you. We only did go on one date. I only learned what her name was two weeks ago. Huh, funny what hindsight can give you.

No, no, but we have a connection. This sort of connection that you honor by finding a Megalodon tooth and putting it on a chain and wrapping it around her neck.

You know, I'll act like it doesn't bother me, but I mean, it does a little, but I can handle this. Big boys get shark teeth.

It's like, I'll handle it.

She really loves me.

I feel like I'm in enemy territory. It's like the Viet Cong are all around me and Ken Burns isn't here with a camera.

So he's like, really? Here we go.

Yeah, congrats. Lauren, congrats. Thank you. It's an honor and a privilege to be here. You're killing it over here. Thank you.

That's pretty sweet. I'm not going to lie. That looks tasty as fuck. That you are vaping?

Come on, don't fuck up on this episode. You're right, you're right. I'm sitting here like an asshole. I've got nothing to do. I've got to listen to you fumble around and fuck shit up.

That's fantastic.

I got one. I just thought of one. Please. Don't be afraid to sing the ABCs. Hey, if you're doing something and it feels stupid, it's all right, man. You got to do it. Sometimes you forget. You got to sing the ABCs to remember which one is where.

Wow, that was good.

Unrelated, those pants are phenomenal. That's what I said. I'm just checking these out. Thank you.

Thank you, guys. That was good. Now, you want to do Liam? Yeah. I was trying to think of another one called Paddington, but... You got time. I'll do it at a later time.

Whenever you get it, we're here. I'll let you go. Maybe that's one of my rom-coms. Paddington-related rom-com.

Does he fuck humans in the movie? Paddington?

Ted.

I don't know. I'm choking on my words. There's an alpha in the room right now. He's sitting right here. Fucking terrifying. All right. These are more rom-coms that don't exist. Okay. Oh, wait. Who's going first? You start. This is 13 going on 300. After a terrible 13th birthday, a teenage girl makes a wish to be 30, flirty, and thriving.

And the next day, she wakes up in the body of Spartan King Leonidas in the year 480 BC. She just wanted to fit in, but now she has to gather 300 of the best warriors she can find and defend Greece from hundreds of thousands of invading Persian soldiers.

Sure. This is another remix of a rom-com. How to Lose a Guy in 7,305 Days. It's boyhood meets marriage story with the soundtrack from Manchester by the Sea. Filmed over 20 years with the same cast, this barely watchable movie follows the slow erosion of love between Margaret and her high school sweetheart slash husband, Kevin. That's awesome.

And he, another title idea.

Peeping Tom, finding love.

No, I just need a sip of my juice.

It's back, dude. Langdon scooped it for me. Good guy.

That's awesome. Dude, you just outed yourself. You grew up rich. Fridge full of Propels. Okay. What tax bracket are you in, pal?

Yeah, it's true.

This one I actually think, if it hasn't been made already, it might have legs. Are you guys drinking?

All right, this one is called the Irish Rolex. Sean Keegan, a 40-year-old burnout living in the home his parents left behind, is in an ongoing feud with his next-door neighbor and nemesis, Shea Quinn, a CEO of a big company with no patience for slackers.

But when Todd accidentally violates his parole and Shea's company accuses her of embezzlement, the two find themselves on house arrest, trapped side by side with nowhere to run and nothing but time. Their petty feud unexpectedly gives way to a romance they never saw coming, coming this fall from the people who brought you Outer Space AIDS.

From the guys who brought you the Boy in the Striped Pajamas. Finally decides to... This doesn't have legs.