Dame Wilburn

Now, I'm not an athlete, so the way I had gotten out of doing any athletics was telling everybody I wanted to play football. The way I had gotten out of playing football is that with a girl, most people want to play touch football or play flag or whatever. So when I said real football, they said, what do you mean? I said, I mean tackled. And the guys looked around and said, well, no.

Now, I'm not an athlete, so the way I had gotten out of doing any athletics was telling everybody I wanted to play football. The way I had gotten out of playing football is that with a girl, most people want to play touch football or play flag or whatever. So when I said real football, they said, what do you mean? I said, I mean tackled. And the guys looked around and said, well, no.

Now, I'm not an athlete, so the way I had gotten out of doing any athletics was telling everybody I wanted to play football. The way I had gotten out of playing football is that with a girl, most people want to play touch football or play flag or whatever. So when I said real football, they said, what do you mean? I said, I mean tackled. And the guys looked around and said, well, no.

And I said, well, if you're not going to play tackle, I'm not going to play with you. And they said, you want to play tackle? Yeah. They're like, all right. Meet us at the front lawn of the school in about 30 minutes. Turn your phones off. I go back to the dorm, change into my most fluffy, cushiest clothes, and I am excited because I've seen the Lions play. I know how to play football.

And I said, well, if you're not going to play tackle, I'm not going to play with you. And they said, you want to play tackle? Yeah. They're like, all right. Meet us at the front lawn of the school in about 30 minutes. Turn your phones off. I go back to the dorm, change into my most fluffy, cushiest clothes, and I am excited because I've seen the Lions play. I know how to play football.

And I said, well, if you're not going to play tackle, I'm not going to play with you. And they said, you want to play tackle? Yeah. They're like, all right. Meet us at the front lawn of the school in about 30 minutes. Turn your phones off. I go back to the dorm, change into my most fluffy, cushiest clothes, and I am excited because I've seen the Lions play. I know how to play football.

I'm prepared. So we get outside. When I get outside, everybody is like picking what they want, what position they want to play. And I say, linebacker. They said, you sure you want to be a linebacker? I'm like, look, I don't run, I don't catch, I don't throw. The best I can bring to the table is I'm an immovable object. Linebacker.

I'm prepared. So we get outside. When I get outside, everybody is like picking what they want, what position they want to play. And I say, linebacker. They said, you sure you want to be a linebacker? I'm like, look, I don't run, I don't catch, I don't throw. The best I can bring to the table is I'm an immovable object. Linebacker.

I'm prepared. So we get outside. When I get outside, everybody is like picking what they want, what position they want to play. And I say, linebacker. They said, you sure you want to be a linebacker? I'm like, look, I don't run, I don't catch, I don't throw. The best I can bring to the table is I'm an immovable object. Linebacker.

And I knew that football couldn't be that complicated because it made perfect sense. You attack whoever isn't dressed like you. I got it. The guys that are wearing blue are on my side. You're wearing purple, you die. I figured it out. So we go to line up. and Buddha lines up across from me. Now, I go into a three-point stance. Again, I've watched football, so I know what I'm doing.

And I knew that football couldn't be that complicated because it made perfect sense. You attack whoever isn't dressed like you. I got it. The guys that are wearing blue are on my side. You're wearing purple, you die. I figured it out. So we go to line up. and Buddha lines up across from me. Now, I go into a three-point stance. Again, I've watched football, so I know what I'm doing.

And I knew that football couldn't be that complicated because it made perfect sense. You attack whoever isn't dressed like you. I got it. The guys that are wearing blue are on my side. You're wearing purple, you die. I figured it out. So we go to line up. and Buddha lines up across from me. Now, I go into a three-point stance. Again, I've watched football, so I know what I'm doing.

So I go into my three-point stance, and Buddha gets into his, and I figure this would be a perfect time to sort of smile at him and remind him that I'm a human being. You know, like, I need you to sort of pull up instead of murdering me. When I looked at Buddha, He wasn't there. Have you all watched Shark Week? You know, how when a shark goes to bite you, the eyes roll over white?

So I go into my three-point stance, and Buddha gets into his, and I figure this would be a perfect time to sort of smile at him and remind him that I'm a human being. You know, like, I need you to sort of pull up instead of murdering me. When I looked at Buddha, He wasn't there. Have you all watched Shark Week? You know, how when a shark goes to bite you, the eyes roll over white?

So I go into my three-point stance, and Buddha gets into his, and I figure this would be a perfect time to sort of smile at him and remind him that I'm a human being. You know, like, I need you to sort of pull up instead of murdering me. When I looked at Buddha, He wasn't there. Have you all watched Shark Week? You know, how when a shark goes to bite you, the eyes roll over white?

He had that kind of thing. Y'all remember Jaws, when the guy said, he's got, he's like a doll's eyes, like his dead eyes. You know, he doesn't even seem to be living until he bites you. He had those eyes. And I knew... I was in trouble. I was either gonna have to walk away and hear this story for the rest of my life. You know, Dame was gonna play football, but then she saw Buddha and she quit.

He had that kind of thing. Y'all remember Jaws, when the guy said, he's got, he's like a doll's eyes, like his dead eyes. You know, he doesn't even seem to be living until he bites you. He had those eyes. And I knew... I was in trouble. I was either gonna have to walk away and hear this story for the rest of my life. You know, Dame was gonna play football, but then she saw Buddha and she quit.

He had that kind of thing. Y'all remember Jaws, when the guy said, he's got, he's like a doll's eyes, like his dead eyes. You know, he doesn't even seem to be living until he bites you. He had those eyes. And I knew... I was in trouble. I was either gonna have to walk away and hear this story for the rest of my life. You know, Dame was gonna play football, but then she saw Buddha and she quit.

I didn't want that to be the narrative. So I get even deeper into that three-point stance, and I hear, hut, hut, hut! And then nothing. Have you ever been hit by a train? Have you ever been hit by a train that was full of other trains? When I woke up slash came to, I looked over to my right and there was two inches of dirt, an inch of dead grass, and another two inches of snow.

I didn't want that to be the narrative. So I get even deeper into that three-point stance, and I hear, hut, hut, hut! And then nothing. Have you ever been hit by a train? Have you ever been hit by a train that was full of other trains? When I woke up slash came to, I looked over to my right and there was two inches of dirt, an inch of dead grass, and another two inches of snow.