Dan Savage

But there's one story I wanted to highlight, Randy's FAFO story. Randy said it was a tame one, but you know what? It was a great one with lessons in it for a lot of us. The risk Randy took was an ask, not an act. After a cancer scare, he went to the wife and asked about opening up their relationship.

But there's one story I wanted to highlight, Randy's FAFO story. Randy said it was a tame one, but you know what? It was a great one with lessons in it for a lot of us. The risk Randy took was an ask, not an act. After a cancer scare, he went to the wife and asked about opening up their relationship.

And then she opened up during that conversation about opening up that she was feeling increasingly ace slash aero. And seven years later, still together, still married, Randy and the wife. Randy dates other people. His wife does not. And they are in what he describes as a companionate and very happy marriage still. That got me thinking. Like most open relationships were monogamous at the start.

And then she opened up during that conversation about opening up that she was feeling increasingly ace slash aero. And seven years later, still together, still married, Randy and the wife. Randy dates other people. His wife does not. And they are in what he describes as a companionate and very happy marriage still. That got me thinking. Like most open relationships were monogamous at the start.

Most sexless marriages were sexual at the start. A lot of people have a hard time addressing the disappearance of sex from a long-term relationship, addressing it directly. And Randy's story is really a great example of a couple that successfully managed the pivot from sexual to companionate in an open and honest way.

Most sexless marriages were sexual at the start. A lot of people have a hard time addressing the disappearance of sex from a long-term relationship, addressing it directly. And Randy's story is really a great example of a couple that successfully managed the pivot from sexual to companionate in an open and honest way.

A pivot, most of us, if our relationships last decades and decades and decades, will eventually, if not for sexual reasons, maybe for reasons of physical limitation or disease or infirmity, have to make. We default into monogamy, many of us, when we get into relationships, not an active choice. A lot of couples out there slide into companionate without it feeling like an active or honest choice.

A pivot, most of us, if our relationships last decades and decades and decades, will eventually, if not for sexual reasons, maybe for reasons of physical limitation or disease or infirmity, have to make. We default into monogamy, many of us, when we get into relationships, not an active choice. A lot of couples out there slide into companionate without it feeling like an active or honest choice.

Sometimes it's scary to address that disappearance of sex from a long-term relationship directly. It's scary to talk about it. Because it's a risky conversation. One person might be bitter or angry and suppressing a lot of anger and hurt, and the convo could surface all of that anger and hurt.

Sometimes it's scary to address that disappearance of sex from a long-term relationship directly. It's scary to talk about it. Because it's a risky conversation. One person might be bitter or angry and suppressing a lot of anger and hurt, and the convo could surface all of that anger and hurt.

But Randy's story shows that sometimes risking having that conversation can recenter the relationship in a healthy way. And that companionate stage you're in that you slid into can become a choice you've both made and can become a joyful new phase of your long-term relationship as it did for Randy and his wife.

But Randy's story shows that sometimes risking having that conversation can recenter the relationship in a healthy way. And that companionate stage you're in that you slid into can become a choice you've both made and can become a joyful new phase of your long-term relationship as it did for Randy and his wife.

Again, like I said, so many great stories, but Randy was the one that kind of touched me and I thought everybody should take a moment to read and think about. All right, quickly, before we get to the show, save the date, savage the date, our next Savage Love Live for Magnum subs this Thursday, October 17th, noon Pacific, 3 Eastern.

Again, like I said, so many great stories, but Randy was the one that kind of touched me and I thought everybody should take a moment to read and think about. All right, quickly, before we get to the show, save the date, savage the date, our next Savage Love Live for Magnum subs this Thursday, October 17th, noon Pacific, 3 Eastern.

Savage Love Live, of course, is a special Zoom hangout exclusively for our Magnum subscribers. Not one of my subs yet and want to come to Savage Love Live, become one of my subs now at savage.love slash subscribe. And you too will get an invite to join us for Savage Love Live in your email inbox on Thursday morning.

Savage Love Live, of course, is a special Zoom hangout exclusively for our Magnum subscribers. Not one of my subs yet and want to come to Savage Love Live, become one of my subs now at savage.love slash subscribe. And you too will get an invite to join us for Savage Love Live in your email inbox on Thursday morning.

Coming up on today's show, tons of your Qs, lots of my As, and joining me on the Magnum, lawyer, dad, author, and humor columnist for the Salt Lake City Tribune, Eli McCann is here. Eli helps me answer that age-old question, what do you do when your kid comes out as queer and you want to be supportive, but your queer kid is being a huge dick? What then?

Coming up on today's show, tons of your Qs, lots of my As, and joining me on the Magnum, lawyer, dad, author, and humor columnist for the Salt Lake City Tribune, Eli McCann is here. Eli helps me answer that age-old question, what do you do when your kid comes out as queer and you want to be supportive, but your queer kid is being a huge dick? What then?

And then I tell Eli the real reason why I invited him on the show. Eli was raised Mormon, lives and writes in Salt Lake City, often writes about the Mormon church. Who better to talk to about everyone's current reality TV obsession, the secret lives of Mormon wives than Eli. That's all coming up on today's show. Now let's get to that first call. This episode is sponsored by HIMSS.

And then I tell Eli the real reason why I invited him on the show. Eli was raised Mormon, lives and writes in Salt Lake City, often writes about the Mormon church. Who better to talk to about everyone's current reality TV obsession, the secret lives of Mormon wives than Eli. That's all coming up on today's show. Now let's get to that first call. This episode is sponsored by HIMSS.