Dan Savage

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This is one of those adorable straight people problems because if you're gay and you're dating someone and he says, oh, I'm going to go, we can't hang out tonight for whatever reason. We've just met. I'm going to go hang out with my friend, Mark.

This is one of those adorable straight people problems because if you're gay and you're dating someone and he says, oh, I'm going to go, we can't hang out tonight for whatever reason. We've just met. I'm going to go hang out with my friend, Mark.

You automatically assume that he's hooked up with Mark because most gay guys, most friends of gay guys are people that they briefly dated or hooked up with once and realized that they were better as friends. than as fuck buddies or potential romantic partners.

You automatically assume that he's hooked up with Mark because most gay guys, most friends of gay guys are people that they briefly dated or hooked up with once and realized that they were better as friends. than as fuck buddies or potential romantic partners.

So the default assumption in gay land when you're this guy you just met and you started to have a bit of a crush on and you've been seeing for a few weeks is hanging out with friends. Yeah, he's hanging out with a bunch of guys who've railed him or that he's railed. They're hearing from you like, oh, this is adorable that you –

So the default assumption in gay land when you're this guy you just met and you started to have a bit of a crush on and you've been seeing for a few weeks is hanging out with friends. Yeah, he's hanging out with a bunch of guys who've railed him or that he's railed. They're hearing from you like, oh, this is adorable that you –

You have to worry about this, that you can't just assume that when your girlfriend says she's seeing a male friend that she's seeing somebody that she's hooked up with in the past the way a gay guy would assume that when his new boyfriend is seeing somebody he's friends with that it's probably somebody he's hooked up with in the past. You don't even need to drill down or address it. All right.

You have to worry about this, that you can't just assume that when your girlfriend says she's seeing a male friend that she's seeing somebody that she's hooked up with in the past the way a gay guy would assume that when his new boyfriend is seeing somebody he's friends with that it's probably somebody he's hooked up with in the past. You don't even need to drill down or address it. All right.

Look. there is this interesting stage in a relationship in between that first meeting and first few weeks and the D T R defined the relationship conversation where when you have that defined the relationship conversation, you may decide you're seeing each other exclusively, but until you have that DTR conversation, um, you're not in a committed exclusive relationship with this woman.

Look. there is this interesting stage in a relationship in between that first meeting and first few weeks and the D T R defined the relationship conversation where when you have that defined the relationship conversation, you may decide you're seeing each other exclusively, but until you have that DTR conversation, um, you're not in a committed exclusive relationship with this woman.

You've only known her for six weeks. I don't want to put this in your head, but if she's going to fuck this guy tonight, that's within her right. Because as much as she may like you, as much as you may like her, as much as you both may hope that there's something here, there's no, uh, commitment. This isn't a sexually or romantically or anything exclusively relationship yet. It might be.

You've only known her for six weeks. I don't want to put this in your head, but if she's going to fuck this guy tonight, that's within her right. Because as much as she may like you, as much as you may like her, as much as you both may hope that there's something here, there's no, uh, commitment. This isn't a sexually or romantically or anything exclusively relationship yet. It might be.

And it always seems to me that when people define the relationship and commit and say, we're only having sex with each other, this is a sexually exclusive relationship. that they have to kind of leave that time period alone. Those six weeks, that liminal stage in between that first meeting, your first hookup, and the DTR conversation,

And it always seems to me that when people define the relationship and commit and say, we're only having sex with each other, this is a sexually exclusive relationship. that they have to kind of leave that time period alone. Those six weeks, that liminal stage in between that first meeting, your first hookup, and the DTR conversation,

Whatever happened during those 10 weeks stays in those 10 weeks.

Whatever happened during those 10 weeks stays in those 10 weeks.

You don't put each other under oath and start asking each other a bunch of questions about where you were and what you did and who you did in that stage because you don't have a claim on that person yet because it's not a committed relationship yet because you have not defined it as sexually exclusive yet and you are both right now free actors and it is fine that you have a