Dan Savage

And past trauma is not an excuse to inflict current trauma or future trauma on your kids. To say nothing of your partner. It's not a get out of emotional self-regulation free card.

Okay, so it seems to me the solution here is if you want to get back together with her, and if I were you, I wouldn't get back together with somebody where I had to get the police involved to feel like I could safely retrieve my things without the threat of gunplay.

Okay, so it seems to me the solution here is if you want to get back together with her, and if I were you, I wouldn't get back together with somebody where I had to get the police involved to feel like I could safely retrieve my things without the threat of gunplay.

But there's a middle ground between getting back together and moving back in together, which is getting back together but having separate households. I assume you live somewhere now. You're not on the street.

But there's a middle ground between getting back together and moving back in together, which is getting back together but having separate households. I assume you live somewhere now. You're not on the street.

Okay. Stay there.

Okay. Stay there.

If you want to reconnect with her on the condition that she get help with her trauma and that she doesn't pay that trauma forward or inflict trauma on her teenage child and others every time she's triggered, great. Get back together with her.

If you want to reconnect with her on the condition that she get help with her trauma and that she doesn't pay that trauma forward or inflict trauma on her teenage child and others every time she's triggered, great. Get back together with her.

But I think the way you and she both demonstrate to this kid that her feeling of safety is important to you is by literally saying to this kid, we're going to get back together. But you know what? I'm not going to move back in. for at least a year. And you know, well, how you feel at 14 can be very different than how you feel at 16 or 15 and a half or whatever a year from now is for this kid.

But I think the way you and she both demonstrate to this kid that her feeling of safety is important to you is by literally saying to this kid, we're going to get back together. But you know what? I'm not going to move back in. for at least a year. And you know, well, how you feel at 14 can be very different than how you feel at 16 or 15 and a half or whatever a year from now is for this kid.

And maybe that signal to this kid that you both recognize that what you did and then what her mom put her through was unpleasant and upsetting. And so you're going to slow your roll back into this relationship in deference to her feelings. That seems to me like the adult thing to do on both your parts, you and your girlfriend, your ex-girlfriend.

And maybe that signal to this kid that you both recognize that what you did and then what her mom put her through was unpleasant and upsetting. And so you're going to slow your roll back into this relationship in deference to her feelings. That seems to me like the adult thing to do on both your parts, you and your girlfriend, your ex-girlfriend.

And I think she should, like, I'm advocating for Romaine's ex-girlfriend. Like, any time I had a breakup where I had to call the cops, that was not somebody I circled back to and thought, oh, maybe. Okay.

And I think she should, like, I'm advocating for Romaine's ex-girlfriend. Like, any time I had a breakup where I had to call the cops, that was not somebody I circled back to and thought, oh, maybe. Okay.

Yeah, but were the police your kind of retaliatory escalator? Oh, look, you sent all this information to all of our friends and family. I'm going to call the cops in.

Yeah, but were the police your kind of retaliatory escalator? Oh, look, you sent all this information to all of our friends and family. I'm going to call the cops in.

Is the pussy amazing? Like, what is it? What is it? Why are you going back?

Is the pussy amazing? Like, what is it? What is it? Why are you going back?

Okay, she had a right to be upset. I agree. What she did with the upset was not okay. And there are consequences now for the both of you, but really for this kid, right?