Dan Savage

If you want to identify as bi or you want to identify as pan, and that's legitimately queer. Even if you're assigned male at birth and you have a mask, authentic gender expression, and nobody gets to tell you you ain't queer or take that away from you.

The fact that some people look at you, especially if you're with a woman and assume you're straight, that's a perfectly reasonable assumption for people to make. And so people are gonna make that assumption because it's gonna be correct most of the time because most people are not, most men are not bi. And so it's asking a lot of people to turn off that assumption making switch in their brain

The fact that some people look at you, especially if you're with a woman and assume you're straight, that's a perfectly reasonable assumption for people to make. And so people are gonna make that assumption because it's gonna be correct most of the time because most people are not, most men are not bi. And so it's asking a lot of people to turn off that assumption making switch in their brain

I always say to people who are bisexual, bisexual men who are offended when people see them with a woman and assume that they're straight, which, again, most men with women are, I always bring up when I was a new parent and people would see me with my son and assume I was straight. I wasn't offended by that assumption, incorrect though it may have been, because it was a reasonable assumption.

I always say to people who are bisexual, bisexual men who are offended when people see them with a woman and assume that they're straight, which, again, most men with women are, I always bring up when I was a new parent and people would see me with my son and assume I was straight. I wasn't offended by that assumption, incorrect though it may have been, because it was a reasonable assumption.

And if the person wasn't homophobic, it wasn't a malicious assumption. It was just... We move through the world making assumptions about the people we meet, the places we go, the things that we do. Some assumptions could be motivated by a kind of bigotry or a kind of ignorance. But ask yourself about the assumptions you might make.

And if the person wasn't homophobic, it wasn't a malicious assumption. It was just... We move through the world making assumptions about the people we meet, the places we go, the things that we do. Some assumptions could be motivated by a kind of bigotry or a kind of ignorance. But ask yourself about the assumptions you might make.

about other people based on the data available to you, based on what you're seeing, then I'm sure you've made the exact same assumption about some other bi guys that some people have made about you incorrectly, which was that you were straight or you thought they were straight and they weren't. So look, welcome to the club. You're a queer doe, just like me. We're both queer.

about other people based on the data available to you, based on what you're seeing, then I'm sure you've made the exact same assumption about some other bi guys that some people have made about you incorrectly, which was that you were straight or you thought they were straight and they weren't. So look, welcome to the club. You're a queer doe, just like me. We're both queer.

You're a queer bi or queer pan. I'm queer gay. Your queerness is as authentic and you are as entitled to it as your mask gender expression is authentic and as entitled to that as you also are.

You're a queer bi or queer pan. I'm queer gay. Your queerness is as authentic and you are as entitled to it as your mask gender expression is authentic and as entitled to that as you also are.

If you were going to be worried, what would you be worried about? You'd be worried that I suppose you two at a year have a monogamous commitment. So maybe the worry is that if they're alone together in a hotel room in Europe, they will fuck. And she's not his ex-wife. You said they never did the paperwork. They've lived apart for 25 years. Yeah, there's a risk.

If you were going to be worried, what would you be worried about? You'd be worried that I suppose you two at a year have a monogamous commitment. So maybe the worry is that if they're alone together in a hotel room in Europe, they will fuck. And she's not his ex-wife. You said they never did the paperwork. They've lived apart for 25 years. Yeah, there's a risk.

They could be alone in a hotel room in Europe and fuck each other's brains out. But how is that not a risk every day? They're best friends. They have adult children together. They are still in each other's lives technically, legally. They're still married to each other. If they wanted to fuck, they would fuck.

They could be alone in a hotel room in Europe and fuck each other's brains out. But how is that not a risk every day? They're best friends. They have adult children together. They are still in each other's lives technically, legally. They're still married to each other. If they wanted to fuck, they would fuck.

I mean, maybe being on a bike trip to Europe and staying in these hotels, maybe they'd catch some sort of groove and a rantic spark. Fuck for old time's sake. Yeah, I guess the odds are higher. So let's just directly address that worry head on. You've been dating this guy for a year. He has a complicated relationship or not complicated. He has a relationship.

I mean, maybe being on a bike trip to Europe and staying in these hotels, maybe they'd catch some sort of groove and a rantic spark. Fuck for old time's sake. Yeah, I guess the odds are higher. So let's just directly address that worry head on. You've been dating this guy for a year. He has a complicated relationship or not complicated. He has a relationship.

His ex-wife is, or he's not his ex-wife, is he says to you, his new girlfriend, his best friend, Okay, maybe he fucks his best friend every once in a while. That sometimes happens. How would you feel if your relationship wasn't sexually exclusive? Address that anxiety and fear with him head on. You need to have a conversation with him about what it is that you're doing, what your relationship is.

His ex-wife is, or he's not his ex-wife, is he says to you, his new girlfriend, his best friend, Okay, maybe he fucks his best friend every once in a while. That sometimes happens. How would you feel if your relationship wasn't sexually exclusive? Address that anxiety and fear with him head on. You need to have a conversation with him about what it is that you're doing, what your relationship is.

And if you require sexual exclusivity, can you trust him to honor that commitment regardless of where his not actually ex-ex-wife happens to be at the moment? Yes, this trip will throw them together in a way that maybe daily life at home doesn't. And so it might up the chances of some let's rub one out together or fuck the shit out of each other. For old time's sake, it could up those chances.