Dan Savage

It reminds me of the Forrest Gump, like love is as love does. Just to me, words are communicating something that can be loving, can be hurtful. Okay. Just like our bodies can hit each other or hug each other. So if you think of something that words I'm saying can either be a hug or a hit. You don't get to hit somebody in the face. And then when they say, ow, you say, but that was just a joke.

It reminds me of the Forrest Gump, like love is as love does. Just to me, words are communicating something that can be loving, can be hurtful. Okay. Just like our bodies can hit each other or hug each other. So if you think of something that words I'm saying can either be a hug or a hit. You don't get to hit somebody in the face. And then when they say, ow, you say, but that was just a joke.

That was a hug. That was a hug. You misinterpreted it as a hit. It doesn't make sense to me. I don't know how to put it into words, but to constantly say things that are hurtful and then say, you don't get to be sad about that because I'm saying these magic words that are, it was just a joke. No, it wasn't. It's not funny. It might be funny to you in your head by yourself.

That was a hug. That was a hug. You misinterpreted it as a hit. It doesn't make sense to me. I don't know how to put it into words, but to constantly say things that are hurtful and then say, you don't get to be sad about that because I'm saying these magic words that are, it was just a joke. No, it wasn't. It's not funny. It might be funny to you in your head by yourself.

So the next time you want to say that thing, you should go by yourself into a closet and And say it because it's funny to you, but not to the partner you keep sharing it with.

So the next time you want to say that thing, you should go by yourself into a closet and And say it because it's funny to you, but not to the partner you keep sharing it with.

And we know this with kids.

And we know this with kids.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then I did want to say one more thing about this question because there is a way of reading this question that is that Jesse is struggling with a way that her partner is teasing her, making jokes about her. But there's another way to interpret this question that what if Jesse's partner is making jokes that are universal or a wider that hurt other people? Do you know what I'm saying?

And then I did want to say one more thing about this question because there is a way of reading this question that is that Jesse is struggling with a way that her partner is teasing her, making jokes about her. But there's another way to interpret this question that what if Jesse's partner is making jokes that are universal or a wider that hurt other people? Do you know what I'm saying?

Yeah. And there's a whole thing about that, that we just need to, when people say something that feels hurtful or that feels inappropriate or use a word that is. And look, I'm not talking about the big words like there are words that you can say that mean you're just dead to me forever and it's over. But I'm talking about the whole nuance of the rest of it. Right.

Yeah. And there's a whole thing about that, that we just need to, when people say something that feels hurtful or that feels inappropriate or use a word that is. And look, I'm not talking about the big words like there are words that you can say that mean you're just dead to me forever and it's over. But I'm talking about the whole nuance of the rest of it. Right.

Yeah. And I think there's like this way of some people feel that there's a get out of jail free card that you can say these things that are in this gray bubble. But if you add, I was joking afterwards, it's somehow should be a get out of jail free card. So I just want to be clear that. You can think that. You can say that. You can keep saying, I was just joking.

Yeah. And I think there's like this way of some people feel that there's a get out of jail free card that you can say these things that are in this gray bubble. But if you add, I was joking afterwards, it's somehow should be a get out of jail free card. So I just want to be clear that. You can think that. You can say that. You can keep saying, I was just joking.

But what I want you to know is that everyone else in the room, that doesn't change what you just said. And it doesn't have to do with whether what you said is funny to you or somebody else. What happens in the aftermath is that you have revealed something about yourself that now everybody else cannot unknow. And it doesn't have to be that you're an evil person.

But what I want you to know is that everyone else in the room, that doesn't change what you just said. And it doesn't have to do with whether what you said is funny to you or somebody else. What happens in the aftermath is that you have revealed something about yourself that now everybody else cannot unknow. And it doesn't have to be that you're an evil person.

It just is that you have not done any sort of deep thinking about what you just said. And it reveals something about you to everybody. And it's not, nobody's asking themselves, is he funny or not? Everybody's just saying, wowza.

It just is that you have not done any sort of deep thinking about what you just said. And it reveals something about you to everybody. And it's not, nobody's asking themselves, is he funny or not? Everybody's just saying, wowza.