Daniel Goleman

And they can do it in a way where they can read other people too.

and be effective with them.

So I think what you're saying is there are a lot of smart people that aren't really effective as human beings, person to person.

And that may be true, but I also think there's a subset of people who are good both ways.

Well, I think people who don't tune in to the other people they're with –

who are only in their own mind, probably are projecting what they think the other person is doing.

They're making it up, essentially, and reacting to that made-up other, which is very different than actually pausing, tuning into the other person and sensing what they're feeling.

Well, emotional intelligence, there are four parts to emotional intelligence.

One is self-awareness.

This is what Simon and I were just talking about.

Tuning into your own thoughts, your own feelings, how they're driving what you do.

And then being able to decide, do I really want to do that?

You know, do I trust my own thoughts?

In cognitive therapy, they say, you know, you don't have to believe all your thoughts because they may be distorted.

We have blind spots.

We have biases.

And then there is using that information to manage yourself.

That's the second part.

to handle your upsets, your anger, your anxiety, your distancing from people, whatever it may be.

The third part of emotional intelligence is empathy, and there are three kinds of empathy.