Daniel H. Pink

I think... It sounds to me like you might have sort of begun the process of resolving it a little bit.

Okay, all right, so let me, this is fascinating, Lily, and I have to say, I have this database of regrets, and you can search the database, and if I were to search the database for the phrase, speak up, spoke up, spoken up, I would get huge, huge numbers of people.

It is one of the most common regrets, is if people regret not speaking up.

The important thing about our regrets that comes from the science is this,

It's how we deal with them.

So we can take that regret and say, you know what?

It doesn't matter that I feel terrible and I have this regret because I'm just gonna ignore it, all right?

That's like the Blythe no regrets philosophy.

That's a bad idea, all right?

The other way at it is to say, oh my God, I have all these regrets, it's so terrible, I'm gonna wallow in them.

That's a bad idea too.

What we wanna do, and I think that you've already done a really brilliant job of it, is use these regrets as signals, signals for our thinking.

What is it teaching me?

And so there are a few things in the research that give us some clues about what to do.

So one of them is this.

So we start with like sort of reframing the regret and what we think about and how we think about it in ourselves.

So do you think that you are the only person with this kind of regret?

Not at all.

All right.

So one of the things that we can do with our regrets is treat ourselves with self-compassion.