David Archuleta

I was addicted to the feeling of, it was like, I need, I need to feel more of that.

Like shame.

It was like a form of a high in a way because it was an intense feeling and intensity.

Like I gravitated towards intense feelings and,

And my dad is an intense person.

Yeah.

So I was around him all the time.

So I think I got used to feeling this...

hit of intensity in one form or another and so feeling shame not good enough like like wallowing in how how incapable of a person I was and how I didn't know and how lost I was without having someone to guide me yeah it was it kind of was like a kink like not not in a sexual way but like

I need more of this feeling or else I'm not alive.

I'm not, I don't know how else to recognize, like it was such a familiar feeling that I wanted to keep feeling it.

But I also realized as I wrote it, like a lot of other performers and entertainers

Some of my friends, even songwriters and things, but have... They would say I related most to the dynamic between you and your dad in the book.

So I don't know if you know people who've... I mean, I didn't even know it until they brought it up after reading the book where they're like, I...

They're like, I'm in this business.

And we all had it in common that we had a parent, like at least with my friends, we had just this last week in Nashville, I was with some of my friends and they also had dads who were,

just like a stage dad and controlling in a bit.

And I was like, oh, this is, I didn't realize how common this was because my friend who encouraged me to write my book was Jeanette McCurdy, who she talked all about it in her book.

Yeah.

So it's, I was like, wow, this happens a lot.