David DeSteno

And so in eulogizing, that's what we do.

But another great way to understand this is if you look at the Jewish rituals around Shiva.

It is a beautiful practice, right?

When someone passes for seven days, people come to your home.

You are never alone.

They bring you food.

They follow your lead and do you want to talk about it?

Do you not want to talk about it?

You have what's called instrumental support, which is not like sending you a like on Facebook, but actually being there when people need you.

People are instructed not to focus on their own appearance, right?

And so...

If you're a man, you don't have to shave.

You don't worry about, are you wearing the best clothes, et cetera.

And there's research showing that to the extent you decrease self-focus at times of grief, it decreases your tendency to ruminate on that grief.

And the covering the mirrors is really interesting because whatever, there's scientific work from the 70s or 80s showing that whatever emotion you're feeling when you look in a mirror,

it intensifies it.

So if you're happy and you look in the mirror, you'll feel happy.

If you're sad and you look in the mirror, you'll feel sad.

So covering a mirror at a time of grief actually is another way to cut down on that grief.

And so all of these practices that we may think