David Kessler

My friend turns to me and said, oh my gosh, I can't believe how she was going on and on to you.

I mean, you've been to shootings and 9-11 and your son died and here her wedding's been postponed.

And I said to my friend, you know so little about grief.

First of all, whenever you compare, we are in our mind and we don't have a broken mind.

We have a broken heart.

So first of all, let go of the comparing.

People want to know, David, which grief is the worst?

Is it a murder?

Is it a child's death?

Is it a divorce where they're alive rejecting you every day on the planet?

Is it sexual abuse that robs you of a life it feels like?

What's the worst grief?

And I always say, yours.

Yours is the worst grief.

Other people's grief don't matter.

Now, here's what goes wrong.

People think grief is like a pie.

I have my pie of grief, and all of a sudden, the 20-year-old whose wedding's postponed is taking a piece of my pie.

No, there's room in this world for all our losses.

Here's a tough thing that I work with therapists on a lot and coaches, people who run bereavement groups.