David Lucas
Appearances
KILL TONY
#715 - NASHVILLE NIGHT ONE
Yeah. I'm sick of this body positivity shit. They tried to make it real popular a few years ago with Lizzo. And even she was tired of being a fat bitch. She lost weight. They tried to make us start feeling bad for fat people again this year. And I'm a fat person. I don't think the world should accommodate big back motherfuckers, you know?
KILL TONY
#715 - NASHVILLE NIGHT ONE
Y'all saw that shit where that fat ass girl tried to sue Uber because she couldn't fit in the car? It's like, bitch, you know you ordered the wrong size Uber. You should've ordered a tow truck, you know. You can't let nobody that size get in your car. That bitch get in your car, you're fucking oil light, come on, man.
KILL TONY
#715 - NASHVILLE NIGHT ONE
If she would've tried to get into my car, I would've turned into a Japanese granddaddy. I'd be like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no. Too big. You pig-sized. I love Nashville. It's full of white women. Yeah. I feel like if I don't fuck white women, then Martin Luther King died in vain. All right, that's my tie. Thank you.
KILL TONY
#715 - NASHVILLE NIGHT ONE
Look at Tony, nigga, you got on Netflix without showing your pussy. I'm surprised. I was like, I know they gonna have this nigga topless on the first episode.
KILL TONY
#715 - NASHVILLE NIGHT ONE
You got on that shit that can't get wet, Tony, so we don't know if you sweating.
KILL TONY
#715 - NASHVILLE NIGHT ONE
David's been up to the house. Yeah, I've been to your house, Kid Rock. You a part of your motherfucker, bro. You actually look dehydrated today, nigga, somebody. He was at the house last night.
KILL TONY
#715 - NASHVILLE NIGHT ONE
Goddamn, Tony. You're the only nigga that took his pants off when he walked into Kid's Rock House. I got asses out.
KILL TONY
#715 - NASHVILLE NIGHT ONE
Oh, bro, Nashville is dope, bro. I got to hang out with Kid Rock and Mark Norman last night. We was in that bitch till 5 a.m., dog. You know what I'm saying?
KILL TONY
#715 - NASHVILLE NIGHT ONE
Kid Rock is the most partying motherfucker, and we found out he only has two jokes. that he says all night, nigga. Look at him. Kid Rock, you need an IV, nigga? You don't look all right, bruh. You look like David Spade with AIDS. Fucking hell of a week. Kid Rock look like the Timu version of Randy Johnson. I look like fucking Brad Armpit.
KILL TONY
#715 - NASHVILLE NIGHT ONE
Hey, you look like one of them things we used to have as a kid where you got to drop it in water for it to expand, nigga. You look dehydrated, nigga. Your ass need a sip of water. Somebody bring this nigga a liquid IV, man. I don't... Like white trash Ellen. Tony was the only girl to come to Kids Rock house and not get fucked.
KILL TONY
#715 - NASHVILLE NIGHT ONE
Couple of more beers, boy, them goddamn cowboy boots would have been on the side.
KILL TONY
#715 - NASHVILLE NIGHT ONE
No, can I tell the joke? Can I tell the joke driving up to Kid Rock's house? Sure. All right, if I tell it, it's not racist. All right. So, I'm the only black person in this suburb and driving up to Kid Rock's Southern Mansion, right? And I noticed that I was the only black person after we had to enter a gate and wind around a curve. And I'm like, damn, there ain't no other niggas in the car.
KILL TONY
#715 - NASHVILLE NIGHT ONE
Y'all can do whatever y'all want to me right now. And Tony was like, we actually brought you to fight his other one. Yeah.
KILL TONY
#715 - NASHVILLE NIGHT ONE
Mark, you got on Capri Pants, nigga. Shut your ass up. You got your ankles out like Heidi, nigga. What the fuck happened to you?
KILL TONY
#715 - NASHVILLE NIGHT ONE
Tony, shut the fuck up, nigga. You look like you about to assassinate a nigga with the pressure coming out of your ass. I put a 7.62 round in that ass, boy. You can shoot a nigga from a half a mile away. I know it. It'd be silent. All you hear is... Nigga, drop dead, bro. Oh, what a wild time. I thought Kid Rock was gonna talk more shit tonight.
KILL TONY
#715 - NASHVILLE NIGHT ONE
I don't drink before a show, so I'm a little... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This nigga Hart don't start beating till tequila touches his tongue.
KILL TONY
#715 - NASHVILLE NIGHT ONE
I knew it. I knew it. Boy, you got skid marks on the front of your drawers, nigga. Tony, you look like the type of man that let other people fart in your pants. I don't know what it means, but it was funny.
KILL TONY
#715 - NASHVILLE NIGHT ONE
Tony looking like the type of nigga to get in bed with a big T-shirt and a bowl of ice cream.
KILL TONY
#715 - NASHVILLE NIGHT ONE
Hell yeah. It's like we're sitting on the opposite sides of the car. Kid Rock. That's my nigga. What's up, Bobby?
KILL TONY
#715 - NASHVILLE NIGHT ONE
Mark, don't get that man in trouble. He don't give a fuck. Kid Rock's the only white person to put the N-word on an album, and nobody says shit. That's how badass he is.
KILL TONY
#715 - NASHVILLE NIGHT ONE
But that makes you free, dog. You ain't like the rest of these gay-ass artists that can't even sleep at night. You're free. It's true.
KILL TONY
#715 - NASHVILLE NIGHT ONE
Mark looked like he would've owned the only tranny slave plantation. A plantation full of RuPaul's.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
Yeah Thank you, thank you Y'all ever notice that snatching a black girl's wig off is equivalent to taking the mask off of the criminal on Scooby Doo? It's like, I knew it was you. She's like, I would've got away with it if it wasn't for you kids. I don't know what it is about snatching a black girl's wig off, but that shit changed her DNA, you know what I'm saying?
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
Because when you snatch the wig off, the eyebrows come with it. My relationship with my girlfriend ain't been the same since I snatched that bitch wig off. I snatched her wig off and I called the cops on that hoe. I'm like, hey, it's a hood nigga in my bathroom. Somebody's uncle just went in my closet.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
But I think if you're in a relationship and you've been with a girl at least three months, you should have at least seen her natural face. Because the first time you see your girl without makeup, it's like, damn, baby, I didn't know you had six months to live. What the fuck? If I knew that shit was terminal, I would have never cheated on your ass. All right, that's my time.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
Tony. Uh-oh. You look like a gay nigga going through a divorce. Yes. That motherfucker got his sleeves rolled up like he about to split everything in half. Including the dildo. This is your half. What's up, Tony? I like that look.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
Goddamn, Tony, why you so red? Nigga, you got to stop letting your man abuse you. You up here looking like a ripe tomato, bitch, your ass. I'm going to throw it at the next bucket pool that don't do good. Why you so red?
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
But you know what a cucumber is. You fucking gay motherfucker. That nigga totally know what a sandwich pickle is. Look at him. He want one right now. That nigga smoking that cigarette thinking about a dick.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
Joe, if you would have been riding in the front seat of JFK's car, he wouldn't be dead. You big-haired bitch. Water balloon-haired ass nigga. Get the fuck out of here. Look at that nigga head out here looking like Jimmy Neutron. Bitch, get your... It's true. It's true. That motherfucker look like an educated llama. Get your dumb ass. Look at that nigga head.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
Joe DeRosa look like he got a football helmet on, boy. Big head ass. If you headbutt a nigga, it'll be a first degree homicide charge. Big head bitch. Goddamn, now you gotta take an aspirin with a bow and arrow.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
Especially after that Trump shit, nigga. I know you got some motherfucking exotic niggas now, boy. Hell yeah. Tony out here with all type of Puerto Rican niggas at his house.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
Don't laugh at that shit, man. Fuck this nigga. Oh, yeah. Got him. Tony, I don't even know why you're a Republican, because you can't get abortions no more. What? You can't get no more abortions, nigga.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
I might be, shit. That is incredible. Every time I nut in a bitch, I get pregnant.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
Jordan Rosen, we gonna put your head on some Ozempic, bitch. Your head need to go on a slim fast diet, bitch. No, I'm sitting this out.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
That motherfucker James looked like William Montgomery waking up from a 20-year coma. You shut your mouth. You shut your bitch mouth, David Lucas.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
I want to wake that nigga up. Boy, it looks like somebody put your ass in the dryer, bitch. That motherfucker said, I got to be the Kill Tony in 30 minutes. Let me go in the dryer.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
Yeah, a kangaroo raised you, you Australian bitch. Did you drive a Subaru here, you fucking lesbian? Get your ass out of here, James McCann. You look like a disheveled lesbian. Get your motherfucker.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
Y'all ganging up on me now? Kind of like niggas gang up on Tony? Yeah, it's funny. Motherfucker. Joe DeRosa, go ahead. What's your hair got to say? I like to see you put on a baseball cap, nigga.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
But Joe DeRosa, you look like one of them rattlesnake preachers. You know what I'm saying? and your other snakes bite you, then you pray it off. All right, that wasn't that good. Yeah, don't try to get esoteric.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
I don't shop at Walmart, nigga. What the fuck is you talking about? Joe DeRosa look like he can only drive convertibles with that head, nigga. Or a fucking car with a swim roof. You just see his head poking out the top. If you see Joe DeRosa's head shadowed, that means we got 30 more days.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
H-E-B is a good grocery store. It's fantastic. Yeah, it's a good grocery store.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
You don't move around much? That's a surprise. If you get a headache, you're going to be in the hospital for three days.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
I got a lot of tour dates for 2025. Me and you got some exciting stuff coming up.
KILL TONY
#706 - 2025 NYE
So you will be seeing a lot of stuff from me and Tony in 2025. I can't wait for the world to see that. Yep. Yeah, just touring, doing shows. Thank you for everybody who has supported us.