David Sedaris

Yes, the audience is my first editor, and they tell me everything I need to know.

One of the new pieces I wrote, I was talking about how frustrating it is to be in line behind someone who's buying lottery tickets.

I just hate it when you get there, and then the person in front of you is like, no, that's 19-3-3-6.

On my deathbed, I'm going to want all that time back that I spent standing behind people buying lottery tickets.

And when the audience, let's say, for instance, when they cough, they tell me that I need to cut whatever it is that I'm reading.

Or, you know, of course, when they laugh, that's fantastic.

But I don't mind a groan.

A collective groan is fine with me.

you know, that kind of horrified sound.

That's all fine with me.

I mean, there are different laughs, too.

You know, there's a laugh of shock, and there's a laugh of recognition, and there's a laugh that says, I shouldn't be laughing at this, but look, I am.

So... And I can gauge them.

You know, I've just been doing this for so long.

I can gauge it.

And then, like...

Sometimes if you have, well, try it again next time, I said, and then you change it to, I said, try it again next time, then it'll work.

So if I have the opportunity to have the audience in front of me, I don't want to read anything the same way twice in a row.

I want to take the opportunity to change that word repeatedly.

There's something I'm working on.