David Spade

Get him on an aircraft carrier now.

well i i don't know if there will be a draft i think there are certain people that want a draft and um um it would be fun to have a draft because if you really want to lose a war send americans i mean truly like in in an embarrassing way and and because there's two problems uh there there's it's there's cowardice sure but then there's also a lot of weight problems in the country

and if and fat cowards is the worst thing in the world so if you if americans on their televisions watch fat people run away from battle they will never be able to recover from that yeah and the image of the country will never be able to recover from that watching fat people run away from a battle will be the end of america just the visual of that the visual of fat people running away from a battle will be the end of america visually

And it's maybe how it should end, but that'll be the visual end of America.

Three crutches.

It's just the whole army being shot up with those epic and going, I can't deploy on my shot day.

I have to wait three or four days.

I can't, on the day of my shot, I can't do heavy combat.

Well, you're going to have to just basically say... Anybody.

They're going to have an army of morbidly obese, heavily medicated Disney adults, and that's just what we've got.

That's what we've built in this country.

That's our front line.

That's our front line.

Just 48-year-olds dosed with Prozac, dressed like toddlers with Mickey Mouse backpacks, running as the Iranians mow us down.

Like, I mean, one by one, just 300 pounders going down.

Dressed in Disney onesies.

The thing about Gavin Newsom and Karen Best, they seem to think everything's kind of going well.

So it's very hard.

That's the issue.

When someone thinks things are going well, it's very hard to...