David

I assumed all this was the same for all of us fundamentalist kids. At every All Guys Prayer meeting I ever went to, someone was always asking for help with their thought life. But I'd never actually asked if anyone had quite the same problems I did. So I called my friend Derek, a missionaries kid who was my best friend from church back then.

Oh, yeah, that's the other thing. I mean, it seems so trivial and silly, and yet it caused actual agony. Yeah. You know, we felt depraved.

Oh, yeah, that's the other thing. I mean, it seems so trivial and silly, and yet it caused actual agony. Yeah. You know, we felt depraved.

Do you ever, you know, wish you could go back? Yes. Okay.

Do you ever, you know, wish you could go back? Yes. Okay.

He's right. They do crack. And for me, they cracked worse than for Derek. I couldn't buy porn. That was obviously forbidden. I didn't have a girlfriend. I couldn't even watch MTV. So the only sexual experiences I'd had were the ones that happened by accident. A woman bending over in a low-cut shirt, for instance.

He's right. They do crack. And for me, they cracked worse than for Derek. I couldn't buy porn. That was obviously forbidden. I didn't have a girlfriend. I couldn't even watch MTV. So the only sexual experiences I'd had were the ones that happened by accident. A woman bending over in a low-cut shirt, for instance.

And then at 22, I started finding myself walking slowly along campus or in supermarkets at a library, hoping to see another accidental glimpse of something. It took more and more of my time. My grades started to suffer. I was like a stalker, but a shy one with incredibly low standards. Then after a couple unbearable months of this, I begged my pastor for help. He suggested Sex Addicts Anonymous.

And then at 22, I started finding myself walking slowly along campus or in supermarkets at a library, hoping to see another accidental glimpse of something. It took more and more of my time. My grades started to suffer. I was like a stalker, but a shy one with incredibly low standards. Then after a couple unbearable months of this, I begged my pastor for help. He suggested Sex Addicts Anonymous.

At my first meeting, we all told our stories. There was a guy who'd spent thousands of dollars on prostitutes in a single long weekend. There was a woman who'd slept with a different guy almost every night for years. There was a huge tattooed biker who was so ashamed to be there that a friend let him in blindfolded. And then there was me, a 22-year-old virgin.

At my first meeting, we all told our stories. There was a guy who'd spent thousands of dollars on prostitutes in a single long weekend. There was a woman who'd slept with a different guy almost every night for years. There was a huge tattooed biker who was so ashamed to be there that a friend let him in blindfolded. And then there was me, a 22-year-old virgin.

When I told my story, there was an awkward silence. Even here, nobody understood my problems. A few days later, I went to a Christian counselor, expecting he'd just tell me to pray harder, look for answers in the scripture. I explained my problem, and he looked at me and frowned, and he asked if I ever did the act, the one that I found so horrible I only referred to it in code.

When I told my story, there was an awkward silence. Even here, nobody understood my problems. A few days later, I went to a Christian counselor, expecting he'd just tell me to pray harder, look for answers in the scripture. I explained my problem, and he looked at me and frowned, and he asked if I ever did the act, the one that I found so horrible I only referred to it in code.

Trust me, he said, let yourself do it. Give yourself permission and see what happens. This was shocking, that a Christian would give me this kind of advice. that it's possible to obey too much, that you could lead yourself astray by following the Bible's rules. That very day, I took home my first Playboy magazine, and that was that.

Trust me, he said, let yourself do it. Give yourself permission and see what happens. This was shocking, that a Christian would give me this kind of advice. that it's possible to obey too much, that you could lead yourself astray by following the Bible's rules. That very day, I took home my first Playboy magazine, and that was that.

After five minutes, I was no longer desperate to glimpse random women bending over the freezer cases at the grocery store. It felt like a miracle. It was so fast, so life-changing, that it was like converting all over again.

After five minutes, I was no longer desperate to glimpse random women bending over the freezer cases at the grocery store. It felt like a miracle. It was so fast, so life-changing, that it was like converting all over again.

He's great.

He's great.

He's great.