332: The Ten Commandments

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This American Life 59 min 24 speakers 3 chapters transcribed
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What are some unconventional versions of the Ten Commandments?

Ira Glass 0:01
So in 1853, during the California gold rush, a leafleteer out west published the Ten Commandments for gold miners who'd come out to prospect. Commandment number four. Commandment four in the traditional Ten Commandments tells you to observe the Sabbath day to keep it holy. Commandment number four reads like this. Thou shalt not remember what thy friends do at home on the Sabbath day, lest the remembrance may not compare favorably with what thou doest here. For commandment number eight, the commandment about stealing in the traditional commandments, commandment eight, thou shalt not steal a pick or a shovel or a pan from thy fellow miner or take away his tools without his leave, nor return them broken, nor remove his stake to enlarge thy claim, nor pan out gold from his riffle box.
Ira Glass 0:42
There's the Ten Commandments of Umpiring written in 1949 by the Commissioner of Major League Baseball. Commandment number one, keep your eye on the ball. Four different commandments on this list are basically about not getting mad at the players. There are the Ten Commandments of Tractor Safety. Number one, know your tractor, its implements, and how they work. The Ten Commandments of Paris Dining, assembled by Fodor's Travel Guides, which include number two, thou shalt not be too familiar with a waiter. Don't expect to hear him. My name is Gaston, and I will be your server tonight. Also number eight, thou shalt not assume that the customer is always right. And number ten, thou shalt never use the term doggy bag. Let's see what else.
Ira Glass 1:27
Ten commandments of cell phone etiquette. Number four, thou shalt not wear more than two wireless devices on thy belt. Ten commandments of sports betting. The ten commandments of protecting your million-dollar idea. The ten commandments of good historical writing. My favorite, number ten, thou shalt write consistently in the past tense. Interesting to think that you would need that. The ten commandments of bilingual blogs. The ten commandments of pastors leaving the congregation. Ten commandments of working in a hostile environment. The Ten Commandments for Communication with People with Disabilities. This includes a very helpful. Number six, don't lean on a person's wheelchair. Or number ten, don't be embarrassed or freak out if you accidentally use a common phrase like, see you later with somebody you can't see. Or did you hear about that with somebody you can't hear? The Ten Commandments of Being a Math Teacher. These actually reveal a lot about the internal life of being a math teacher. Number one, thou shalt recognize that some students fear and dislike math.
Ira Glass 2:27
And be compassionate. And then there's, along this, it's basically different ways to encourage the math teacher to keep patiently explaining over and over in different ways things until your students understand them. And then at the end of that list, there's the rather mournful number 10. Though they may at times seem few, thou shalt count thy blessings. Then, of course, as Peaches and Herb remind us, there are the 10 commandments of love.
Unspecified speaker, possibly producer or narrator 2:56
I think there's so many different versions of the Ten Commandments because Ten Commandments are such a perfect way to get across an idea.
Ira Glass 3:14
There's ten of them, you know, so it's enough that you feel like you're getting a comprehensive view. And yet, at the same time, it's just ten, right? Ten. Manageable. Not too overwhelming. Sure, I can do ten. Ten, sure. But you know, the biblical commandments have one important thing that all these imitator commandments don't. And that is that they're about much more basic stuff. Honoring parents and murder and lying and wanting things we don't have. Primal stuff that's in our lives. And we thought, it's Easter weekend. Passover's just ending. Let's find stories where people are grappling with these old primal rules for life. Perfect time to devote an episode to the Ten Commandments. The real ones. And that's what we have today. From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life.
Narrator introducing Sabbath segment 4:11
The Ten Commandments
Ira Glass 4:22
It's just American life. Today's show about the Ten Commandments is a rerun from long ago, 2007, that we're bringing back this Easter weekend. Now, different denominations attach different numbering schemes to the commandments, to which commandment goes with which number, though the commandments are always the same.

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